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licityvibes · 3 months ago

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୫ Thread The Needle ୫

୫ Author: licityvibes ୫ Pairing: soldier! Choi San x soldier! female reader ୫ Word count: 17k ୫ Warnings: cursing, suggestive, brief mention of death, mention of war

Thread the needle = To manage to find harmony or strike a balance between conflicting forces

୫ Summary: You joined the training camp searching for meaning, hoping it would change your view of a world that felt empty without a family. What you didn’t expect was how much it would change you, not through the brutal physical training, but through the man you first saw as a strict, unapproachable sergeant.

But the more you saw of him, the more you realized he wasn’t what he seemed—his toughness hid something deeper. Could this man, who made you feel both challenged and desired, completely turn your world upside down?

Or would his constant focus on your mistakes push you to leave everything behind?

୫ A/N: Hey there! Long time no see. This is my comeback or what as a new person (just kidding, but the concert did change some things in me lmao) So this is a San military oneshot that started as a drabble...I wanted to write something on this theme a long time ago I just haven't had the motivation and it felt so good to finally write something in ages...I hope I won't lose the motivation and write more because this one felt so good I just couldn't stop writing and this is my longest oneshot ever lol. So I hope you enjoy, sure there will be mistakes, I am still learning. Okay, I think that is all, have fun or what, byee!!

Left-right heartbeat left-right heartbeat left-right

All I could hear were those two words as my right leg followed my left. My mind was blank; all I could focus on was not stumbling, ensuring I didn’t break the perfect synchrony of our steps. I tried to steady my breathing, willing my racing heart to slow down. Around me, my teammates wore the same serious expressions—dying inside, each of us dreading what awaited us.

We were marching in two abreast, straight into a battle that was full of blood mixed with gunpowder. My eyes narrowed to the leader of our line. He was next to me, determined to win the battle we had a slight chance to win. His face from the left side looked sharp, his jaw clenched as he held the gun close to him. Somehow, he sensed I was watching him and he slightly tilted his head to his left and our eyes met. It whispered determination mixed with something sour like we might not see each other again.

As we arrived closer to the woods, it echoed screams and gunshots over and over like it couldn't be stopped. I held my gun stronger, my fingers ready to shoot the enemy down without a thought. I had nothing to lose.

In the end, this was why I was here. This was the reason I had volunteered to become a soldier.

It was spring, the world was covered in blooming, colorful flowers, spreading hope all around the world after the neverending, cold winter.

The world was blooming with hope...but mine? Mine was burning down with hatred I felt towards it. There was nothing left for me that could bloom anymore. My heart was already burnt down to ashes, everything was just too much and this was my whole life. I don't even know how could I keep up for twenty years. I had no one, I was an orphan, I wasn't the best kid on Earth, and no one truly loved me. I felt like I was cursed like I didn't deserve happiness all over again. It hurt, but I just somehow got used to the fact I wasn't meant to be happy.

So, with the thought that I had nothing to lose, I volunteered for a training camp—one where only those strong enough, both mentally and physically, could earn the right to serve in our country’s army.

I had always believed it was a noble thing to serve your hometown, to protect the people who loved you. But in my case, there was no one to protect except myself. And that was the only thing that kept me going.

On my first day, everything felt odd, everything felt new. It was a different environment than what I had ever known. Rules were the most important things to keep and there were a lot of them. These strict rules made the newcomers get used to the life of a soldier. We got up at 5 a.m., we had ten minutes to get ready and go out to the field where we needed to run for half an hour. After that without a break, we had to do many push-ups, squats, and sit-ups.

It was cruel, especially when this was our first day. I felt like I could pass out at any time. I already saw black spots as I did the sit-ups on the ground. But I knew what I applied for, I trained over a year to get in shape and to live a healthy life before I signed up for the training camp. Even though I could say I was a fit woman, this was too much for my body all of a sudden. I needed just one second and rested my head on the ground to breathe. It was just one second, but suddenly an angry head appeared in my sight, huge shoulders covering the sun that was about to rise.

"No stopping! Only when I say!" The soldier who led the morning training shouted to my face, as if was the end of the world I stopped for one second.

I didn't say anything just continued doing the sit-ups, as we switched to making push-ups again.

"If you stop, you have nothing to do here! You didn't come here to rest, you came here to fight, to be stronger!" The man walked in front of us spitting these wise words into our faces. His voice was sharp and powerful as he shouted.

The girl next to me suddenly weakened and she fell on the floor, power leaving her body. "I said, no stopping!" He appeared again in front of us with a sharp glare.

"Excuse me, sir, I have no more strength." The girl was kneeling in front of him, not even daring to look into his sharp eyes.

"I don't care, you do it until you collapse! Get up and do squats!" He yelled as he looked down at the weak girl in front of him.

I narrowed my eyes at the girl as I switched to doing squats. I was on the verge of my power as well, I could imagine what the girl felt. Then my eyes landed on the sergeant.

"Eyes ahead! Not looking at others or me!" He shouted as he stepped in front of me again—of course, he had to notice as my eyes ran over him for one second. I just couldn't do anything, because he always just appeared there. I rolled my eyes unintentionally at the thought.

"Twenty-four! Attention!" He yelled.

"Yes, sir!" I stood like a stake. I was in trouble.

"Is there any problem?" He stood in front of me, his sharp eyes glaring straight into my soul. His hands were interlocked behind his back, his big chest pushed forward, his wide shoulders covering my view as his face was inches away from mine. He was wearing a black tank top, that was glued to his perfectly muscled body, a metal necklace that all of the official soldiers were wearing hung from his neck, on his big chest, his shoulders were double sized of his lean waist. Dark green pants were tucked into his lighter green boots.

"No, sir!" I answered as I kept the eye contact confidently.

"Then why did you just roll your eyes at me?" He yelled straight into my face; his spit landing on my cheeks.

There was no point in denying it. "Just remembered something, sir!"

The sergeant chuckled but nothing was funny in this situation. I felt as if the other's eyes averted on us too. He looked around sensing it too. "I said no looking around, mind your own business!" He yelled to the others, meanwhile, my eyes averted to his uniform where his metal name tag was hanging.

Sergeant Choi San was written on the tag and a lot of medals were shining on his uniform.

"Here is the first lesson you need to understand, Twenty-four!" He grabbed my jaw and lifted my head so I could look into his eyes. "There's no space for any kind of thoughts if you are here! You need to be here mentally and not in other places." His fingers tightened around my jaw, almost breaking the bone. It hurt as hell.

"Understood, sir!" Tears started to well up in my eyes from the pain, unintentionally. I didn't want to seem weak.

"Perfect!" He released my jaw. "Plus fifteen minutes run after the training is over for Twenty-four as a punishment!" He shouted out so the others would hear it as well. I felt embarrassed at that moment and my heart was racing from the hatred I felt towards this man.

"Don't just look at me, do the exercises and when everyone finishes, you run for another ten minutes! Chop-chop!" He clapped with a satisfied smile like he enjoyed watching others suffering.

I just glared at him. "Yes, sir!" I smiled at him, as I started to do the push-ups again.

He just won't make it more miserable here by suddenly watching every mistake I make so he can punish me.

When everyone finished up with the morning exercises, they were allowed to wash up and go to eat breakfast. Except for me, because I needed to run for fifteen more minutes. I was out of breath after all the push-ups and squats, my body was trembling, but I had to do this.

"Hey, fighting! I will wait for you at breakfast." Yunho ran to me as he placed his right hand on my shoulder. He was one of my roommates and he was the only one I talked to. It wasn't because I wanted to, he just came next to me and started talking about how he misses his little dog, Mungi—or Mangi, I don't remember, honestly.

He was a little annoying at first but then I just realized he was a sweet and happy person, and I thought it didn't harm if I could talk to someone in this mentally and physically exhausting place.

I nodded at him "Thank you, see you there!" I said as I turned towards the running field.

I saw the Sergeant still standing behind talking to someone as he glanced at me. I was still breathing fast as I walked to the field, tried to get myself together in two seconds, and then started running. All of this because of an eye-roll? Are you kidding me? Was this Choi San this sensitive? Did it hurt his ego? I was hoping so.

As I was running, I was thinking about, how I wanted to show this asshole, who knew better than anyone, that I was strong enough to be here. So, I just needed to swallow the bitter pill and just show him what I was capable of.

After training all day, going through some obstacle courses, and eating in between, later that evening we all gathered up in the canteen and were standing with straight shoulders. Five soldiers with different kinds of medals on their uniforms were standing in front of us, Sergeant Choi San included, with hands behind their backs.

"Attention!" One of them with blonde hair shouted. We all strengthened and looked forward. "At ease!" The blonde one said, now with a calmer tone. Then all of us were standing straddle-legged with our hands behind our backs.

"My name is Kim Hongjoong and I am the leader of this training camp. We gathered here so we could discuss some important things." He said with a powerful voice. "Today was difficult, you trained all day long. We know it was deep water for all of you, but it had a purpose." The blonde soldier glared at us with sharp eyes. "Today, half of you is going home!"

Silence followed his announcement. Everyone looked at the other in shock. Yunho next to me looked at me with wide eyes as I looked back at him not understanding what was happening. Were they serious? There were almost fifty people here, who wanted to be a soldier, they applied because of this. And now they want to send us home? It was not fair at all.

"This day was a test!" The blonde kept going. "We watched every single one of you throughout the day. Your skills, your strength, your want to be here, to keep going." He tried to look into the eyes of everyone one by one as he said. "Some of you were fighting with all of your strength and we do appreciate it because if you stay it is going to be hell, it is going to be cruel and more difficult, we do appreciate that you at least tried. But some of you thought it was just a joke like you came here thinking it was fun trying it. If you came here, you need to be serious, you have to be here with both your head and heart. It's not a game; this is the real life! I don't want someone who does not deserve to be here!" He walked in front of us, his voice getting higher and higher.

My heart started to beat faster and faster as I thought about the incident with Choi San in the morning. What if he said something to the Lieutenant? I thought it could be the end of my only purpose in my life.

"Whoever I say comes next to me!" Choi San shouted then. Was he going to say those who needed to go home?

"Five! Twelve! Eight! Twenty-six! Forty-one! Twenty-four!" He shouted the numbers loud, and when I heard my number, I just knew it was the end, it was all because of what happened in the morning and I just wanted to scream at myself for not knowing how to stay unbothered in situations…

I just walked there with my head held low, looking at the white floor of the canteen. I needed to hold back my emotions that suddenly drowned me. As I walked next to the Sergeant, I turned toward the other people who were standing in front of us. My eyes met with Yunho, whose eyes were whispering empathy towards me, he sincerely seemed sad that I was going to go home.

"These numbers…" Choi San started "Are the members of my team!" He announced as he glanced next to him where I was standing, then to the others. Our eyes met as I was in shock. I was prepared to go home—that is a lie, I would've cursed this man to the ground if he dared to send me home—No but honestly, okay I stayed, thank God, but why did he choose me, in his team, even though he definitely had some problems with my presence.

"I choose the members of my team based on what I saw in them. I saw determination, they wanted to show what they were capable of and because they still needed to learn how to believe in themselves!" He then turned towards us. "Welcome to the Echo team!" He saluted as we quickly did the same and shouted "Thank you, sir!" together.

Then he turned with a slightly visible smile on his face—which was unbelievable—and then the other three Sergeants chose the members of their group.

While the selection was continuing, I looked at my teammates and tried to listen to their quiet small talk next to me as they guessed who was going to go home. There were four boys and one more girl on our team. They seemed like they knew each other, probably they talked the day before, just as normal people would do.

I wasn't that type, I just hated getting to know new people, and based on my life story in which I wasn't that lucky in making friends, I just couldn't get the energy to do the same. In the end, they all are going to walk out of my life.

But there was a boy in our team who was just as quiet as me, he was standing right next to me and listened to the others, observing the team and what was happening in the canteen. He noticed I was watching him so he smiled shyly.

"Hi, my name is Jongho!" He said quietly as he reached his hand towards me to shake it.

"Y/n, nice to meet you!” I smiled at him slightly as I shook his hand. He seemed nice and not annoying like the others on my team. I just hated people, especially the ones who talked too much, Jongho seemed honest and I could imagine that we could be friends in the future.

"Are you—" Jongho started but the soldier in front of us turned.

"Enough of talking, quiet!" He looked at us first with a sharp glare, then at the others, who were louder than us, yet he looked at us first. He turned back and that was when I noticed a tattoo on the sergeant’s back. On his left shoulder, there was writing ‘Sierra’, in bold letters. I wondered who Sierra was.

I just sighed as I tried to prepare myself for the next four weeks, where he was going to be my boss, telling me what to do, watching every bad step I was going to make, so he could shout at me.

All of the leaders chose the members of their team, then twenty-four people looked at us sadly in front of us, who remained unchosen. The girl who barely collapsed in the morning next to me, was there too, with a sad but understanding expression. Some were angry, saying it was unfair and they didn't know it was a test.

No one knew it, fair or unfair, the Sergeants made their decision and the teams were made; Team Ekko, Team Zed, Team Terra, and Team Sierra. The ones who were eliminated went to pack, I looked around the canteen searching for Yunho, our eyes met and he waved at me happily jumping a little. He was in team Terra and their leader seemed like he stepped out straight from a Top Gun movie, he was tall, with silver rings and necklaces, and a black sunglass was sitting on his tall nose, even though we were inside. It looked like Yunho was glad he was in this Top Gun guy's team.

I wasn't sure about my leader though. I wasn't blind he looked handsome as hell, but not everything was about looks. And besides I didn't come here to play Tinder, it was a left and right game but with our feet as we marched towards the battle of our lives.

The week went the same way as that day, morning training then breakfast, training again, on the field or outside of the base. I could still barely do the exercises, even though we did it every day, my body was aching and trembling from the sudden impact it got from the exercises, but I kept going, the urge to prove that I was capable of anything made my body work.

In the middle of the week after a quick breakfast, our team separated from the others and got into an armored car. We were fully armored, our camouflaged uniforms matching with the dark green car that was still going on the bumpy road. I held the strange weapon in my hand, grabbing it stronger, I started to get nervous because I didn't know where we were heading or what was today's exercise. I was sitting next to Jongho, as we talked a little on the way out, guessing what we were going to do. I guessed it was some field exercise, and Jongho guessed it was some shooting exercise. The boy seemed sincere and I was glad I had someone to talk to in my team who appeared to be normal, not like the other guy, who had a big mouth and couldn't just shut up, his name was Wooyoung as it turned out. He was going to be a sure problem.

Then the car suddenly stopped and we needed to jump out of it quickly. I looked around quickly, taking in my surroundings. We were on a big field, there was a forest behind us and in front of us a clearing that was full of hills, rocks, and a lot of trees. I saw some target boards far away from us. So Jongho was right, it is going to be target shooting. My first time shooting with a weapon. And I hoped not the last one.

"Attention!" Choi Sergeant shouted suddenly, as we quickly strengthened. "At ease!" Hands behind our backs, straddle standing. I slowly got used to the things we could say and the things we needed to do.

"Today's lesson is going to be target shooting! You have to be very careful because these are real weapons and real bullets, you can't make mistakes here!" He pointed at us with a serious face.

My eyes narrowed to the dark green targets, that were barely visible in the green field. How are we going to shoot those down?

"Understood Twenty-four?" The Sergeant appeared in front of me, as he shouted. He was so annoying.

"Understood, sir!" I shouted back.

"It's not sir, it's Captain!" This guy was a joke.

"Yes, Captain!" I would've rolled my eyes at this, but I learned my lesson the other day.

After he explained the process of how to change ammunition and how to secure the weapon, we went a little closer to a little hill and we needed to shoot from there. I laid down on the ground on my stomach as Captain said. After repeating what we learned it was time to shoot.

This was the real deal now and all my focus was on the target that was a hundred meters away from us, we had six bullets to take three down. My first shot was a mistake, but this was my first-ever bullet. The second was a hit just as the others. It was as easy as cooking.

"Great," Captain shouted. "Now the next target! It's a standing battle-person silhouette, you have to immobilize the target but not kill it! Hands and legs are the target! You have one shot!"

"Just one? We are just learning to shoot, Captain!" Wooyoung, the big mouth said. He was in a problem.

"Shut up, Twenty-six! I didn't ask your opinion, now shoot or leave!" He shouted as he was standing above him.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply and as I opened my eyes my focus was straight on the right leg of the silhouette and without a thought, I shat the bullet right into where I wanted. I was seriously surprised it was a hit.

"Good job, Twenty-four!" I heard a voice coming from beside me as I looked up at the man, the sun beaming in the sky right into my eyes as he looked down at me. He looked like an angel with a glory.

"Thank you, Captain!" I said back to him after I secured the gun. At least I thought it was secured and when I made sure it didn't shoot, the bullet just shot out of it without a thought. Luckily it was still pointed towards the targets, but if it weren't��

"Twenty-four!" I heard a familiar voice shouting, but it was never this loud and full of anger. "What the hell did I tell you about keeping the weapons secured? Were you wandering off again in your mind? Are you insane?" He came next to me, kneeled, and grabbed the weapon from my hands to watch. "How do we secure a gun, Twenty-four?" He asked as he not so nicely handed back the weapon. I kneeled in front of him as he was standing again.

I needed to secure the gun at least ten times, the others watching as he was shouting at me the whole time. I was under a lot of pressure; it wasn't the best feeling. I felt embarrassed and angry at myself how could I make a mistake like this? It wasn't a game, someone could've been hurt.

"This is serious, we talk about lives, a bullet can kill, without a thought! Why are you here if you can't follow the rules? What would you say to your family? To your mom and dad? That 'I didn't pay attention, sorry'?" He said cruelly as I was just listening to every word he was saying, but the last ones were just too much. It was a weak point of mine and was so low of him. He should have known I had no family to tell anything.

I just stared at the green grass in front of me, his military boots visible only. "I made a mistake, it won't happen again, Captain!" I said a little quieter as I couldn't shout.

"I didn't hear it! Louder! And look at me when you talk to me, Twenty-four!"

I slowly lifted my head and glared at him with an empty look. He seemed a little surprised at my face for one millisecond but disappeared immediately as his sharp glare was looking back at me. "I made a mistake, it won’t happen again, Captain!" I shouted with all my power so he could hear, because as it turned out there were some problems with his hearing.

"We will get back to this!" He pointed at me saying it a little quieter just so I could hear it as I stood up.

"Attention team!" He shouted as we gathered in one line.

"Today's lesson is finished! The majority of the team completed the task, some didn't! You can go back to the base!" That was the words I was waiting for. I was the first one to turn around and go to the car that was already waiting for us. I could barely hold myself together, the emotions that suddenly tried to drown me were just too much. Why couldn't we just turn off our emotions, they have terrible timing and I just didn't want to feel anymore, it hurt.

Back on the base, all I was waiting for was to shower, skip dinner, because I just had no appetite, and go somewhere I could be alone.

For this reason, I signed up to be one of the guards in the night. All of us needed to do at least one night, so I thought it was going to be my time. At least I was alone on the southern guarding tower. I climbed up, not sure if I was ready to be awake all night, without my thoughts drowning me. But at least I was alone.

When it comes to mentioning the word family, I just get lost. I can't do anything to stop it, all the memories I don't have just make me angrier and call life unfair because I couldn't experience the love of a family, the care of a mother, the protection of a father, or even a not so serious fight with a sibling. But I wasn't the only one to live like this, life wasn't unfair with just me, there were others too outside and this was what made me accept the fate I've got. So, in the end, it was always myself, who was my best friend, who was someone to take care of me, to comfort me. I grew up with this mentality and probably this was the reason I didn't trust anyone.

I was thinking about these things while I looked outside into the dark wildlife past the wire fence, a weapon in my hands when I heard a noise coming from underneath the tower. Quick footsteps, then I hear someone crawl up on the ladder that leads to where I was standing. My heart started to pound faster as I grabbed my weapon ready to shoot if we got attacked by some outsiders.

I tried to even my breathing that suddenly was so fast, I felt like my heart might jump out of my chest. Then the trap door made out of wood, opened and all my focus was there, just to see a familiar face that I didn't want to see.

"Jesus, Miss Kang!" Sergeant Choi said surprised as he straightened up with his hands held up when he saw me holding a gun at him.

"Shit! My apologies Captain!" I quickly put down the weapon and stood at attention.

"At ease, Kang!" He said, his voice low. I never heard him talk in this tone; I thought he could only yell at me.

"I'm sorry, I thought someone wanted to attack me." I looked down, and I felt a little shame. I just held a gun at my leader, they could even fire me for this.

He chuckled at that, I repeat—chuckled. "You would be long dead if someone would've attacked the base. You know the first ones are always the guards." He said and as I looked up, I saw a small smile on his face. And if I didn't get a heart attack when I thought, someone was going to kill me, now sure I was close to that.

I would've never thought I was going to say this, but his smile was so beautiful. As it curved up a little on both sides, his cheeks were higher, and little dimples were shining on his face. And his eyes got smaller from the smile. He was wearing the usual green pants, now paired with a grey tank top as a green bag was hanging from his shoulder.

I swore to Gods I felt like I started blushing and what the hell—get yourself together man.

"Yeah, right, I guess I still have to learn." I nodded as I turned away to look outside into the dark. It was better than looking at him, while I was fucking blushing. Why I was thinking suddenly that he was handsome? Okay, he was from the beginning but he was an asshole the whole time so I didn't notice. Who am I kidding he probably had a wife and kids already. A family…

Then I felt as if he walked next to me, grabbing the cold metal rail. As he did it, I heard a little noise and I looked down at his forefinger a golden ring that was lit by the moon shining above us. I quickly looked away from his hands.

"You still have to learn, but you made a lot of progress over a week." The Sergeant said as I felt his eyes on me.

"Yeah, especially today," I said with a sigh.

"About that, sorry if I was harsher than before, but I had to show an example for the others too and for you as well because it is a serious mistake. Could've been lives…" His voice came out softer like he felt a little guilty for yelling at me like that. But why would he? I was just one of his students if we could call it like that. There was no need to show favor towards me.

"No need to apologize, I understand, Captain! It was a big mistake and I hate myself for it." I looked down at my hands.

"You shouldn't. It happened and we are glad nothing serious happened but you learn from your mistakes. And I am sure you will always know how to secure a gun from now on." I glanced at him, and there it was—that damn smile.

"Yeah, that is sure, I won't ever forget," I said as a little smile appeared on my lips as well. It felt like a long time ago since I smiled. It felt especially strange; I didn't even realize that I don't smile often. And it was sad.

I looked away from him again, not being able to look at him for more than five seconds. "By the way, what are you doing here, Captain?"

"Oh, I almost forgot," He grabbed the bag from his shoulders and started to search for something. I looked at him with brows furrowed. "I brought you something to eat because the others said you skipped it. What I don't appreciate, by the way, you have to eat!" He looked up for a moment with sharp eyes.

I nodded at that, "Sorry, Captain I couldn't eat…"

Then he reached a box towards me with the dinner, which was some pasta and a bottle of water. Not going to lie…it was nice of him.

"You need strength here, we overwork ourselves all day, and these sources are necessary to keep going. Now sit and eat!" He commanded and all I could do was to obey immediately as he was watching my every movement.

"Yes, sir…am Captain! Thank you!" I just couldn't function when he was staring at me like that. I sat down cross-legged on the floor and opened the box. He did the same after looking around on the base and outside, he sat down. There were only the sounds of owls and a wolf calling his mate under the full moon. He sat on the opposite side of the tower in front of me and just watched as I was eating. The hell? I couldn't eat normally when someone was watching me.

"Khm…Can't you just not look at me like that while I eat…Captain?" I said a little shyly. I didn't recognize myself. I was a blushing teenager again.

"Soldiers need to do things under pressure, get used to it!" He answered with seriousness.

I was glad it was darker up there because I rolled my eyes at that. "Yeah, of course!"

"Did you just roll your eyes?" His face looked serious again, as the moonlight beamed at his face, some shadows dancing on his face, making it look sharper.

I froze for a second, not again, please. "No! I swear to God!" I held up my hands looking at him with round eyes.

Then he suddenly chuckled again. "I saw it, it's not that dark." I really couldn't figure this man out.

I put down the box I was eating from and stood up. "I know, I'm going for my fifteen-minute run."

"No, no, no. Stay, you don't have to, I was just joking." He signaled with his hands to sit down and his smile never disappeared. He enjoyed playing with me.

I snorted at that and sat down. "Very funny, Captain!"

There were a few minutes of silence between us. Both of us are deep in our thoughts.

"But that wasn't all today, didn't it?" I looked up at him with confused eyes as I finished my dinner. "It wasn't just about you making a mistake. I said something and then you suddenly changed, something is up, Kang."

I just shook my head, there was no way I would tell him. "Nothing, seriously. It was just because I felt so angry at myself and, to be honest at you as well, because I felt embarrassed. But that is all." I said trying to focus on one part of the truth.

He watched me for a few seconds, and he looked like he didn't entirely believe me, but he nodded.

"Thank you for the dinner, Captain! You can go and rest!" I stood up and grabbed my weapon. Then I chuckled a bit, "I sounded like I gave you orders!"

He smiled and hummed at that. "I'm staying with you tonight, Twenty-four!" He stood up and walked closer to me. "Didn't you know there are always two guards in one tower?" He kind of hovered over me and I looked up at him with wide eyes. "And let's not switch the roles if you may." He whispered a little closer to me.

I coughed feeling shy again…"No, Captain, I didn't know!" I straightened a bit at that. Then I turned away from him quickly. This was too much, what was this sudden change?

Then the night went away quickly, as we chit-chatted the whole night about this and that. Mostly he talked about how he became a soldier and how it changed his life. It was interesting because he was forced to be a soldier and this was the last thing he wanted to do, but in the end, it changed his mentality entirely and he couldn't imagine his life some other way. And as I thought about it, this was what I was hoping from this training camp if I was able to do it and become a soldier, it meant I was on the level he was on. And it seemed like a balanced life that I always craved for.

The next day I only had to join practice in the afternoon, because I was guarding all night. I started fresh like a salad; I was ready to overrun everyone. Well, that seemed like a joke, because nothing happened as I wished. I was bad as hell; I fell a lot of time on the obstacle training and after running for half an hour I was on the verge of collapsing.

But then our Captain decided it was the best time to practice a new weapon and how secure it was. It needed concentration and punctuality and when all my body was trembling from the impact it got, it was game over. I tried to put in its place the cartridge in its place, but my breathing was just uneven and I dropped it a few times.

"Twenty-four! Didn't you get your beauty sleep until now? You just joined your team and you are out of it! At least try to make an effort, Kang!" Sergeant Choi shouted as he stepped closer. The man from the other night was just an illusion. But I guess I understood, there were boundaries between students and sergeants. He needed to take care of his team but also to teach lessons for them.

I nodded at that and somehow managed to put in its place that thing. But then we needed to start it over. And I dropped that shit over and over again. I was totally out of my mind; I couldn't concentrate and everyone saw that.

"I'm counting the times you made a mistake, Twenty-four! We are at six hundred points!" The sergeant yelled again while he was showing the other girl with kind words how to put in its place the cartridge. I felt like it was unfair, it wasn't me the only one who made mistakes and dropped that shit. But I kept trying and eventually, I calmed down enough to succeed in securing perfectly the weapon.

When the sun started to set down, the sergeant called it a night and we all dismissed. I didn't know why I couldn't just complete the tasks as I did before and it made me feel uneasy. I just called it a bad day; everyone had a bad day.

Well, it turned out hell, when suddenly Sergeant Choi came into our room and called me out. I was confused and was ready to run in circles again when we arrived at the field. It was barely lit with some lampposts and I saw my teammates standing there as confused as me.

"Attention Team Echo!" We were standing in a line and straightened. "At ease!" He said as we were in a straddled-standing. "Today was all about exhausting our bodies to our limits and then the ability to still concentrate on little things, to be punctual." He said with his hands behind his back, as he looked into our eyes one by one. "But some of you couldn't do it, even though we are already here in a week and a half! Twenty-four step out!" Here it came, my doom. I stepped out.

"You came later on because of your night shift, left out a lot of exercises, still you couldn't make them, mistakes after mistakes. I told you I counted them. Come beside me!" He said as his gaze pierced through me. I went next to him facing my teammates. "Your teammates are going to pay for the mistakes you made today. You are going to lead the night exercise!" He said as he looked to his side where I was standing, then to my teammates.

It was cruel, other people needed to suffer because of me.

"No way! Why isn't she paying for the mistake, it's not fair!" Wooyoung complained, which if I was honest, understood because I would've felt the same.

"Stop crying and do what I tell you!" Choi shouted at Wooyoung, who trembled from the sudden impact. "You're supposed to be a team! But you can't work together because you can't step out of your comfort zones and all of you are just too egoistic to think of others and not themselves!" His voice got louder and louder. I didn't know how his voice wasn't gone by now.

"A team helps each other and makes the task easier! Miss Kang made mistakes and it has consequences, that you and her teammates have to suffer together. She is going to learn from this as well. Trust me it's hard to watch as your teammates suffer only because of you!" He looked at me with sharp and serious eyes. "Now start the exercise! Push-ups! Now!" He commanded.

"Miss Kang counts! 1! 2! 3!" He shouted as he looked at me waiting to count.

"I want to do the exercises along them, Captain!" I said to him as I felt like it wasn’t fair.

"No! You have nothing to do just count! Now!" He pointed at my teammates.

"1! 2! 3!" I started counting as my teammates started to do push-ups.

"Louder, Kang! Are we in the confession chair?"

I started counting louder, feeling like I wanted to bury myself six feet under. It didn't feel right even though I barely felt empathy toward people, I knew this was because of me. These people were strangers to me…at least in the beginning, but since we are here, something started to form between us. I still kept my distance for a reason but they were nice and those moments when we managed to do the tasks together as a team were the moments when I realized these people really do deserve to be here and that we could do a great team together.

"See? This happens when you can't be here in mind," He pointed at his head. "Your teammates suffer the consequences." He knew me too well, even though we had only been here for a short time. He was right and I hated him for that. I

hated it when people looked through me and the most when they noticed my mistakes. It would've felt better if I got the punishment. But seeing my teammates on the dirty ground doing sit-ups, out of breath after a long day, was so cruel of him. I was really on the verge of joining them or telling him I was going to do all the exercises instead of them, but I didn't. I remained silent and watched as my teammates almost collapsed from training all day and now this.

When they finished Captain dismissed us and we could go back to our room as we had less time now to get our rest. I needed to remain outside a little to clear my head. I walked a little further to the outline of the field and sat on one of the benches.

I couldn't do it like this. With a mind where chaos ruled everything. I signed up for this to prove to myself that I was capable of living. But not like this. So now I set three goals for myself; to talk with my teammates, to prove to myself and the others that I did belong here, and to let go of my past. My past was what it was and it does not lead me anywhere.

So, I had to start with a new page.

The next morning the first thing I wanted to do, after getting ready for the day, was to talk with my teammates. I couldn't sleep all night, because the guilt kept me up. I didn't even know I could feel empathy towards people. But when people are in a situation like preparing to be a soldier, which means life or death, it isn't a question. People grew close to me in no time. My teammates especially.

Wooyoung had a big mouth, but he was a fun guy even though he sometimes didn't have a filter. The other girl, Wendy, on the other hand, was the only girl beside me on our team and it was a need. We understood our needs and could talk about some girly things in this men-ruled place. Jongho was a sweet guy, who was there when I needed a little quiet. The other two guys were Changbin and Mingyu, they were both powerful and had the mindset of a real soldier. We needed them in our team. Everyone had unique abilities which moved forward our team. And when they needed to suffer because I made a banal mistake, I just couldn't get a rest. So, when I saw my teammates were in the canteen sitting at one table eating a surprisingly good breakfast, it was time for me to talk to them. At least the food was so good here, they took good care of the soldiers

"Good morning, guys!" I said as I sat next to Jongho.

"Good morning, Y/N!" Jongho greeted me immediately with a beaming smile.

"Morning!" Wooyoung said as he didn't even look at me.

I coughed a bit trying to get some attention and tried to put together what I wanted to say.

"So am…I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I know it was my fault, yet you needed to suffer…I am sorry." I said as I looked into the eyes of everyone.

"It's okay." To my surprise, Wooyoung started to talk. "I know I didn't show it, but we all knew it wasn't your fault; everyone has a bad day. You did great at practice and I saw that you tried to put that gun together. It happens, we are glad nothing serious happened and we do not have one more hole in our bodies." Wooyoung chuckled sincerely, which truly was a surprise. My respect towards him just grew.

"Y/n, you really shouldn't worry about us, we did it for the team, and we would do it again if it was for anyone on the team," Wendy said, his shoulder-length hair now in a ponytail. The others nodded at that with agreement.

"Shit guys, I literally couldn't sleep because of the guilt I felt, and you are acting so chill about it," I said with a sincere and thankful smile.

Jongho bumped his shoulder to mine. "It's all right, Kang!" He smiled at me with a sweet, understanding smile.

And with that getting into place, I felt like we could be unstoppable. Something blocked us, until that point and now that everything was clear, I knew I could trust in these people.

The next week was about, outside training that came with no time, we couldn’t even finish our breakfast and in the blink of an eye, we were standing in front of Sergeant Choi in a dark field. This was how our week looked, getting up, eating, training, eating, and resting. And repeat.

The weather was quite cloudy today as the sun hid behind the darker clouds, it seemed it could rain at any moment.

"Attention team! Today's training is about teamwork, strength, and keeping the mind calm under pressure!" He shouted staring into our eyes.

"Your job is, to carry the equipment behind the moving combat car. It shelters you from the enemy, it's a shield from the bullets. After you manage to do it, there is going to be a military car that is stuck in the mud. You have to unpack the car and somehow get it out of the mud by pushing it out! When the car is out, the mission is completed!" The sergeant said with tranquility and slowly so we could understand the task.

"I expect, composed and measured thinking! I believe you can do it, there is no impossible here!" He shouted with an encouraging tone.

"Yes, Captain!" We all shouted together, determined as a team.

"Now, get ready, and when I tell you, start the mission!"

Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion.

We ran forward in a straight line, our chests aligned, counting our steps carefully to keep from tripping. During attack simulations, we had to take cover next to the combat vehicle. After running two kilometers in full gear, we finally reached the car, stuck deep in the mud.

When we tried to pull it free, it wouldn’t budge. Chaos erupted—everyone shouting, running in different directions. Our rhythm, our unity, seemed to break apart. And I couldn’t stand to watch it.

"Everyone, stop!" I shouted as I stepped out of the mud to the side, looking at the others. "We need a plan; we won't go anywhere if we just shout at each other! We are going to get that shit out!” I pointed at the car getting hyped up as the adrenaline ran through my body, giving me enough strength to do all of this.

“Jongho, you are strong you stay at the rear with Changbin and push the car when I tell you. Wendy, you sit in the car, we need someone at the wheel as well. Wooyoung, Mingyu, and I, are going to help with the tires with the wooden board! Let's try it!" I felt like someone had to say what we needed to do, Sergeant Choi stood next to us but did not help in how we could manage to get the car out of there. The others didn't complain, they nodded and went to their places.

"Okay, at three, push, we help on the sides as well!" I shouted out, my lungs burning from the tiredness I felt, but the adrenaline didn’t let me stop, we needed to do this.

"One! Two! Three! PUSH!" I shouted as Jongho and Changbin started pushing the car with all their strength, we managed to put the wooden boards under the tires and supported from the sides as well. At first, it seemed like it wouldn't move, but as we pushed without giving up, it was suddenly moving, the tires full of dirt as it almost buried itself.

"Keep going, it's moving!" I shouted as I gritted my teeth, giving all my power into pushing, meanwhile, my feet were buried entirely in the mud I could barely move, just like the others. But then it was easier and easier to push and then all I could see was dry ground under the tire. We made it.

"Gather here team! Attention!" We didn't even have the time to process it, we ran in front of him the car behind us, and straightened.

For a few seconds, he didn’t say anything, just stared into our eyes one, one by one. "Mission completed, Team Echo!" Then he settled on mine. "Kang! Step out!" He said, as I immediately stepped out, not breaking eye contact.

"Yes, Captain!" I shouted, as my heart was still beating fast from the mission. But it was beating faster when he called my name, I felt like I was in trouble.

"Miss Kang had the bravery to take over the team's leading!" He said as he stepped closer to me with his eyes piercing through my soul, as suddenly I felt cold, wet drops on my face. The rain as suddenly as it used to, started pouring at us, but we didn't dare to move a finger. We were still standing there as we got soaked, the mud from our faces and clothes slowly flowing down to the ground with the rain. I felt like it was a mistake what I did.

After a few seconds of silence, he said, "Which was the greatest thing you did, since you are here!" He said unblinking, even though the rain made his raven-black hair fall into his eyes, which made him look even more handsome. "Miss Kang, made a good decision, seeing her team was falling apart and took over. This is why we are here! To discover what we are capable of, to adapt to different situations! A soldier is a soldier when they know what they are capable of and when they know their boundaries! We are here to search those boundaries! Good job team, since we are here, this is the first time you made me proud!" The Sergeant shouted out, sincerely looking proud at his team. "Miss Kang, you are the temporary leader of the team from now on! Until you deserve it!" He said as he looked at me seriously.

I saluted at that. "Yes, Captain! I'm grateful for your decision, I am going to lead the team with all my power and fight for them!" I shouted with determination.

I stepped back, as we all shouted. "We will do our best!"

The rain was still pouring at us, and I needed to squint my eyes to see something, all of us were soaked to the bone. He nodded. "Now, dismiss and get a rest!" He commanded as we finally could go back to the base.

It was truly a trial mission for the team and while we were in the car to go back to the base, we all were smiling, because this was the first time we got praise from our leader and it felt good. We discussed the details of the mission and how everyone did a great job. It was a need for our team. We started to build up a strong bond between us.

When we arrived and finally could rest a bit, before I could go after the others into my room a familiar voice called me from behind. "Miss Kang!"

I turned on my heels immediately and strengthened. "Yes, Captain!" I said looking straight. Then he jogged towards me, his hair half-dried as the rain stopped a few minutes ago, his cheeks were a bit pink from the chilly air. He got rid of his soaked green jacket and only wore a black T-shirt, that was glued to his chest from the wetness. The air was caught in my throat as I watched him approach me. I wasn't supposed to feel like this, I didn't even know what I felt, but something just pulled towards him like a magnet. Probably it was because he was the most handsome man I ever met in my twenty years, and probably I was blinded by that.

"You can ease, Kang, we are not on a mission. You can relax sometimes you know?" He asked what looked like sincere curiosity.

I nodded as I tilted my head down a bit. "Yes, it's just a little harder for me, Captain!" I said sincerely.

He nodded in understanding. "Okay, then you have half an hour to get ready! We are going into the town to ease up a bit!" He said with a small smile appearing on his face, where I just couldn't read anything. He was like a mysterious box that couldn’t be opened. And I desperately wanted to open that box, I was curious about him, outside the soldier life.

At first, when he said it, I didn't believe it, it seemed like he was joking so I looked at him with big-doe eyes, not understanding what was happening.

"Miss Kang!" Then I felt warm hands on both sides of my cheeks, I could feel the hot air coming from his mouth on my face. "Did you get what I said?" Man, get your shit together, what is happening with you?

I chuckled at that, trying to ignore the fact that his hands were on my face. "Yes, yes, I understood, Captain, we are going to the town to get shit-faced!" I stated the facts.

Then his hands were gone from my cheeks as he wholeheartedly laughed. My cheeks were suddenly burning despite the air being cold outside, but I'm not going to lie, the sound of his laugh made my heart beat faster. He looked so sweet while laughing. And I would've never imagined I was going to hear his laugh; it was special and low and his dimples made it cute. I don’t know if it was the tiredness but I felt like I was going to melt right there. The Sergeant, who I thought was cold and unstoppable, was sweet and caring under the surface.

It was strange being out in town after two and a half weeks. It may seem short for others but for us, it seemed like months passed. As we were sitting beside a table with the team, the Captain invited us for a few shots. It was odd. Like it was an entirely new life. I got used to the rules and schedules it was strange and I couldn’t let go of myself.

"Miss Kang, it is allowed to relax now." I felt as the sergeant next to me bumped his shoulders into mine as he looked at me. I looked back at him for a moment to take him in. This night was full of surprises, he wasn't wearing the usual uniform we all needed; he was wearing casual clothes. And oh my God—when I saw him, my stomach definitely flipped, I didn't know if it was the butterflies or the mud I ate during the mission, but something happened. He was wearing a grey hoodie paired with black jeans and on top a black coat that reached his ankle. His hair was freshly washed and it was falling onto his forehead softly. He looked so casual and so out of what I was used to.

I was just staring down at my drink, almost full, despite we were there for more than an hour. I just nodded at what he said, it wasn't just that I got used to the strict rules on the base, it was just that, I didn't have things like these in my life. Things like sitting together with friends to grab a drink and talk all night. I was a socially distanced person and it was difficult to get used to it. And I felt regret for not being able to experience this kind of thing.

So, for this reason, I wholeheartedly started to listen to the conversation around us. After drinking two of the Gin tonics that Wooyoung ordered for me, I finally felt at ease. I felt like I was in the right place, with the right people around. We laughed and cheered as Jongho told us a speech about how good of a team we became, that we were unstoppable. The Captain just nodded at that as his cheeks were a bit pink like he was blushing, but the truth was it was hot inside and he drank a few shots with the boys. Could it be the alcohol alone, that could bring down the Captain?

All of us started to show the signs of being drunk, or at least being a bit tipsy, when we ordered some food, to eat, so we wouldn't pass out in the pub we were in. While we were eating some delicious Asian food, I felt something touched my left thigh. I didn't need to look down to know what was it. It was the Captain’s thigh. I don't know if it was the alcohol or not, but something in me started to boil at that slight touch. I felt warmer and like I got hit with a flash of lightning. I just cleared my throat as I made a little distance between our legs.

Nah, it was just weird, the feeling itself, I never felt like this before, just by a slight touch. I was wondering how it would feel if he just—

"Miss Kang, you don't look good, are you okay?" I heard his low voice coming from beside me. The others laughed loudly about something.

I cleared my throat once again. "Yes, of course I am," I said confidently as I turned my head and looked at him. Our eyes met and it felt like those eyes ignited something in me and I instantly was caught on fire. The fire was burning in my eyes, that was mirrored in his eyes. He couldn’t deny it, because it was there, I saw it and we both knew that we wanted each other.

"Miss Kang seems a bit ill, I'll take her out to get some fresh air." The Sergeant said while he didn’t even look at the others, the eye contact couldn’t be broken because if it did the world would collapse.

Then he stood up and helped me out of the booth, when his hand touched mine, I felt like I got hit with something electric. I didn’t even dare to look at the others and what they might see, what was happening between us.

When we went towards the door, he held it for me so I could go out first. The chilly air immediately hit my face like it was a brick wall as I pulled on my coat, so it would be warmer somehow. It felt nice, finally coming out of that warm room.

"Come!" I heard his demanding voice from behind as I turned to watch him go into the alley next to the pub. I followed him as his wide shoulders were in sight in front of me, his black coat flowing after him, when he took a turn to the right into the alley.

"I am sincerely okay, there's no need to—" I said as I followed him into the alley, barely being able to keep up with him, but I was interrupted by being pushed against the brick wall.

As I opened my eyes after squeezing them shut from the sudden impact I looked up at a feral-looking Captain, staring down at me like he was going to eat me whole, right there. And I didn't even have the time to ask what was happening, because suddenly I felt warm and hungry lips on mine. My mind was full of dark fog and I couldn't think clearly. It seemed his brain was also fogged because when I kissed him back without a thought, his hands immediately cupped my face to get better access. The kiss was hungry and desperate and I would've thought about the bad things this kiss might lead us to, or the consequences or the reasons. But I couldn't care less at that moment. I was curious about how it might feel to get more of him. And this. This was insane. I felt like I was losing my mind like my body would burn into ashes in his hands.

I buried my hands into his hair on his nape. It felt soft and so good. He let out a low groan at that as his hands left my cheeks just to push me more into the brick wall behind me by my waist. His lean body, pushed flesh against me, when he bit my lower lip hard, asking for permission. I was on the verge of letting out a moan at that, but my ego didn't let it. I just parted my lips and his tongue was immediately inside my mouth, discovering every inch of it, then finding my tongue to invite it for a dance. I felt like I might explode at any moment like a firework that was already lit. I didn't even realize the desire I felt towards him was this deep. Deep like the deep water I hated so much, where undiscovered beasts were lurking around in the bottom of it, to catch you when you don't pay attention. He was the beast and I was the innocent human swimming around. He caught me with his mouth and I couldn't get free. We shouldn't do this, we couldn't.

When we separated after what felt like minutes, we breathed hot air against each other's mouths. A string of saliva connected our lips like it was impossible for us to separate, as our foreheads were pushed together. His hands were still on my waist pulling me close to him like I might run away at any time. My thoughts were running around, and I couldn’t think, of a single sentence to say, I was shocked yet it was the best thing that happened to me after a while.

"Shit!" This was all I could say out loud. I didn't know why, or what it meant I just said it.

I felt as he nodded against my forehead. "Yeah…"

"We shouldn't have done it," I whispered as he pulled away a bit, his hands still pulling me close to him.

"I know…" He whispered as he looked into my eyes like he was scared I might disappear.

But then. The dark thoughts came, that hunted me all the time like they were some demons, that tried to chase away the good things that could happen to me. I was doomed to feel sad and empty all the time. And they came in questions like, what if he just needed some distraction away from the strict life he was living? What if he was married and had kids? What if I was just an escape for him from that cruel world?

All I needed was these questions to see things clear, then my hands reached to his that was on my waist just to somehow get them to release me. I stepped out from the cage he made with his huge body, putting a little distance between us.

"Look, if you just need some distraction, then go to the other side of the street and you can get anyone you want." I pointed towards the end of the alley where I saw a few women standing and inviting strangers into the nightclub.

"No, it's not that, Y/n!" He never called me by my name. He stepped closer and I saw a little guilt appear in his eyes.

"Then what is it?" My voice got louder a bit, and my emotions started to drown me. Suddenly it was all too much for me.

"I—I don't know, okay?" He nervously brushed his hair out of his sight as his voice got louder as well.

I scoffed at that. "Right, you don't know. Where is that confident Captain, who shouted at me all the time when I did something wrong? Should I do the same? It was a fucking mistake and you know we can't do shit like this." My voice turned out to be harsher as I wanted but I just honestly was so out of my mind.

"I know, I know it was a fucking mistake," He shouted back at me as he seemed just as confused as me. "But what can I do when all I can think of is you?" He continued suddenly and we both froze at that. Me, because of what he said, and he because he actually said it out loud.

All I could do was chuckle at that. "Yeah, right, about me…" I scoffed as I said.

He then stepped closer to me, like a predator hunting its prey. "Don't you feel the same?" He whispered as he leaned closer to my lips. I did, and I wanted to kiss him so bad, but…

"No, I don't. And I'm glad, because what would you do? I would be instantly fired if they would find it out." I looked into his eyes seriously, I couldn’t read his face again, his mask that fell for a few minutes was back.

"They wouldn't fire you out, I wouldn't let them." His voice came out a bit desperate like he wanted to convince me it was the right thing to do.

"I want to do this, do this on my own not with some privileges. You would be an advantage for me, I could use you easily. Would you like that?" I asked as I lifted his chin with my finger. Just this one time, I wanted to show him that he wasn't the only one who could take advantage of the other.

"I didn't think you would be someone who would do that." He said with a serious tone, his gaze piercing at me while he took off my finger from his chin.

I just shrugged. "You don't know me at all, Captain." And I just turned, leaving there a confused and disappointed Captain standing in the empty alley. Something that started with burning desire now was destroyed by the ugly truth.

Even though we wanted the other, we weren't in a situation where we could give in to our desire. We wavered for a few minutes, but everything needed to settle back to how it was, to continue. He was my Captain, and I was just a woman who wanted to be a soldier.

After that night, I wished it never happened. The training didn't stop and he was still the leader of my team. It was bad for both of us, we made a huge mistake that made my staying harder. I won't say things changed between us, but it definitely got worse. He was stricter with me, watching my every step and then shouting into my face. It was like this the whole time, but something was different when he looked at me, it seemed like it was burning with something like hatred, something like shame. I just barely looked at him, only when needed, wishing that the training camp was soon over and I hoped they were going to sign me as a soldier of the military. I just needed to get over this one week and then we might not see each other again.

But it was hard in the situations when he randomly caught me in the hall after I showered, pushed me against the cold wall, and crushed his lips against mine hungrily. I felt confused but the desire burning my body was much higher and I couldn’t think clearly. I just followed every rule he made, like I did when he commanded something. Our connection was like this all the time. He made the orders and I followed them.

And when he didn’t even wait for me to get out of the shower, was a bit over my boundaries. I was facing the wall as I was washing my hair when I felt two hands around my waist, that felt like cold chains. I knew it was him because when I looked down at the hands, there was that familiar golden ring, that made me feel guilty all the time he touched me.

“Oh my God, what are you doing?” I whispered as I looked over my shoulder. It was late in the night, but there were a few people still showering.

He softly kissed my shoulder, kissing the way up to my neck, to my ears. “I want you.” He whispered as I barely could hear it, the water coming from the shower head was loud enough to close the sounds out. I felt his naked body leaning against mine. I felt my heartbeat in my ears, all my body was throbbing from the different kinds of emotions.

“We can’t…” I said as I leaned my head on his shoulders giving him more access to my neck. I was officially an idiot.

I sighed and slowly turned around to push him away. I felt ashamed and shy all of a sudden. It was the first time he saw me naked and I saw him naked. His body was perfectly muscled, his abs were a clear view, and before my eyes would’ve gone a little downer, I stopped myself. It wasn’t the time to wander around.

“Please, just stop.” I looked at him with begging eyes.

The water was still falling on us, his hair got wet as he combed his hand through the wet strings. “I’m so sorry, Y/n,” He ran his hands through his face frustrated like he wanted to clear his mind. “I just…you drive me crazy, okay? I never felt like this, I never felt like I wanted someone by my side every minute.” He admitted as he put some distance between us, trying not to drown me.

The bathroom fell into an agonizing silence as only the water sound broke it. “Okay, but you can’t just fucking come in when I fucking shower.” My voice rose a bit as I got nervous, trying to hide my body with my hands. I felt vulnerable and I hated this feeling.

“Shit, sorry, I-I really—” It seemed like he just realized what he was doing. That fog in his mind must be dark. His eyes looked at the wet floor, not even daring to look at me. He looked like a wet stray dog, asking for shelter. “Please come to my room when you are finished and let’s talk.” He didn’t even look at me when he wanted to exit the cabin, but then he stopped and looked at me with desperate eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

“Oh my God, just leave already!” I wanted to hit him playfully; he just couldn’t be this desperate I couldn’t be mad at him anymore.

But he caught my wrist suddenly. “I leave after you gave me a kiss.” He whispered as he pulled me closer to him by my wrist.

“You are soo…” I said with a slight smile as I leaned close to his lips and pecked it softly. “Now you may leave,” I said as I pulled away to look into his sharp eyes and his now pouty lips.

I sighed, “You can’t be helped,” I leaned closer again and just bit on his pouty lower lip I didn’t know if it was a good idea because I heard him groan at that and he slowly, very carefully put his hands on my waist to walk me back to the cold wall. His lips were on mine in seconds the water now was fully flowing on us, making the kiss more wet. Our lips moved along the other’s slow, but hungry. His hands slowly travelled up on my sides, one hand cupping my jaw and the other on my throat as he pushed me more onto the wall. I let out a moan at that, the air stuck in my throat because of his hand. I couldn’t stop and I just didn’t want to.

His hand from my throat travelled around my body, discovering every inch of my wet body when his hands stopped on the back of my thighs and he lifted me up against the wall. His lips were still moving against mine desperately, with a burning passion that both of us just couldn’t stop. Then all I could feel was his full length inside me, reaching every spot I didn’t even know existed. The bathroom was full of the desperate noises we let out as we reached the top together.

Then he just left me there with the words ‘I’m waiting for you in my room’ and I just fell on the bathroom floor, the water still falling on me unstoppably like the sudden emotions that drowned me. I started crying, I buried my hands into my hair and I just wanted to disappear from the Earth.

I always had problems controlling my feelings, but this was the worst. I hated myself because of what I just did. I didn’t know anything about this man. I didn’t know if he was married. I didn’t know if he just wanted to use me. I hated that we couldn’t talk.

And at that point, I just didn’t want to see him. I couldn’t because if I did, I would fall into his trap again, without a thought.

After I somehow put myself together I was desperately trying to wash his hands off my body, I went into my room and cried myself to sleep silently.

Today's training was one of the last. As we slowly got closer to the end, I looked back at how much I developed both mentally and physically. And the fact how close I felt towards my teammates all of a sudden. There was no other way for us than to adapt to this situation and work together. This situation made us friends and I would've never thought I might find friends that seemed true and honest. I was sure this was the best idea to sign up for this training camp…until the next training came...

Water. Water was the only thing I had feared my whole life. It took my family from me, and I would never get over it.

The trauma runs deep in my bones—just as deep as the oceans where those monsters lurk. The water stole my family, its merciless hands dragging them down, refusing to let them survive. I can still hear my mother’s screams, muffled by the depths, her lungs filling with saltwater as she sank further and further. My father followed after her, swallowed by the abyss.

I had nightmares about this scene all my life, I was glad when somehow my brain decided it was enough. And to my surprise, since I was in the training camp, they never came. Like my brain built a brick wall that was so strong it kept the demons outside—well some of them. It was probably because we trained all day, we needed to be there mentally as well and I was always exhausted after a day, I was knocked out almost every time I reached my bed.

And now we were standing next to a swimming pool, deep and clear. Its blue-looking water not even moving. I was scared to my bones, but this wasn't the ocean, it was just a pool and some divers would save me if something happened. I needed to face my fears.

"Attention!" Sergeant Choi shouted as he was standing in front of us. "Today's exercise is not about teamplay, it's an individual task. You have to face one of the hardest obstacles. Water." As he said the word, my heartbeat quickened and I felt like I might get a heart attack at any time. I closed my eyes to close out the thoughts that whispered to run far away from there. I couldn’t even think about him, about the other night where everything just fucked up.

"Miss Kang, is there any problem?" As I opened my eyes at the voice, I saw him standing in front of me, and behind his serious mask, I saw a little worry hiding in his eyes.

"No, Captain!" I shouted back looking confident. He looked at me for a few seconds just to make sure it was true then walked away up to the jumping-board that was five meters high.

"The first task is simple, when I blow the whistle you run here, climb up the ladder, and jump into the pool without any hesitation!" he shouted from up there as we looked up at him. His voice was echoing around like the demons that whispered to run louder and louder.

I was the third in the line. Wooyoung started the exercise, he ran without any hesitation, climbed up, and jumped without a thought. It was impressive, but if I weren't scared of the water, I would've said it was an easy task. And then it was my turn and I was so deep in my thoughts I didn't even hear the whistle for a moment. Then I felt Jongho push me a little to get back and then, everything was in slow-motion again, as I was running towards him, climbing up, running beside him, and jumping without any hesitation. And when I collided with the water, I felt like I was my mom who couldn't get to the surface. Who was screaming but no one heard it. Then it felt like my body was separated from my mind because I jumped from the bottom to push myself up, and then my lungs could finally feel the air coming into my lungs as I was breathing like I was stuck there for at least five minutes. I swam to the edge of the pool and Jongho helped me out of the pool immediately.

"Hey, are you okay?" I felt as he grabbed my cheeks to look into his eyes. It was blurry for a few seconds but I nodded, not being able to speak.

I couldn't believe I did it. It seemed impossible for me, yet I was standing there all soaked but proud of myself because I jumped into the pool despite the fears I had. And it felt so good, I couldn’t describe it, but I felt so proud of myself, facing my fears and then fighting against them. It felt like a few of the demons disappeared and they didn't whisper to me to run anymore.

"Miss Kang! Is everything all right?" I heard the sergeant shout down at us with clear worry in his voice.

I breathed quickly, trying to get myself to speak somehow. "Yes, Captain!" My voice choked a bit as I looked up at him straight into his eyes. He knew something was up. It seemed like he knew every thought of mine, even though we barely knew each other, I was sure he analyzed all of us here and had a whole document about our personalities.

"Next one!" He shouted with the stopwatch in his hands.

I was glad no one noticed anything from my inner turmoil, so I just focused on the others doing the task.

When everyone finished, we were standing in one line again, the sergeant in front of us.

"Great job everyone! I have to tell you; it was impressive and this is what I expect from the team!" He clapped his hands two times with a slight smile. He started to grow closer to us too, he needed to admit it. "But it's not over, the real job comes now!" His face switched to serious. "As you can see there are hoops in the swimming pool," He turned to point at the hooks. "You just have to get there," He turned back to face us. "Seems simple, huh?" He raised his eyebrows. "But it's not, because it's all about the mentality and to avoid unnecessary stress. Your hands and legs are going to be tied up!" Silence took over the place and everyone looked at him like it was a joke.

"The pool is going to get deeper and deeper as you get closer to the hooks." He pointed at the pool again. "We soldiers have a technique for situations like this. It’s called survival bobbing. Your hands are going to be tied back, your legs together. At first, the pool is as deep as you, and your head is out. But. As it gets deeper you have to reach the bottom of it and jump up from the bottom to get air again, then down again, blowing the air out of your lungs to get to the bottom! This is how you will reach the hooks!" He shouted out the task we needed to do and we just looked at each other with the team, calling it impossible.

This exercise was the cruelest of all since we were here. "You need to stay calm, divers are keeping an eye on you, you won't die, and you won't drown. It's about fighting down the anxiety, the thoughts that say to us we can't do this!" He pointed at his head, while he tried to motivate us. "I believe all of you can do this! I chose you for my team because I knew you had the mentality of a real soldier! So, get into the water and don't disappoint me! This exercise is about you, not me, not your team, it's for you to fight your demons!" the sergeant shouted with all of the strength he had, almost deafening us.

I'm not going to lie; I was ready to say I couldn't do this. I wanted to give up. But after hearing the words he said, and that it was all about ourselves. Something just clicked in me, something just couldn't let me give up.

So, we were standing in the swimming pool, where the water reached our chests, our hands, and legs already tied as we were waiting for the sound of the whistle. I only could hear my heartbeat.

Thump

My heartbeat sounded like it was a gun shooting out a bullet. Then I heard the whistle from far away and I started to get into the water as I was sinking deeper and deeper. At first, it seemed easy until my feet could touch easily the bottom, but when I went deeper and I needed to be a lot more under the water than outside, something started to break in me, when the glass slowly started to crack, running through the glass, forming a root of an old tree. I tried to move forward, not giving up, his words echoing in my mind.

When I went down again after barely being up for one second and reached the bottom with my feet, at least three meters were above me. The hook was one meter away, I just needed to do it one more time and I was done.

But…the glass suddenly broke and the water ran over the gate unstoppably, the world slowed down and went a little dark. Suddenly I found myself somewhere else. I saw someone under the water. It was my mother. As the hands pulled her down into the dark. I wanted to save her, but I couldn't move. My feet were rooted, and my lungs were screaming for air, but the surface looked so far away that I thought my fate was the same as my parents. So, I just wanted my fate to be fulfilled…but as I looked up, I saw another figure swimming towards me desperately. They looked familiar but everything was so blurry under the water it was impossible to know. When the figure finally reached me… it felt like I was waiting for him my whole life. When his hands grabbed my unmoving body, I felt that familiar lightning going through my body, even though we were under the water I felt his warmth, which immediately melted the ice around my heart.

Then suddenly I was pulled out of the swimming pool, as I was sitting on the edge, the Captain was still in the water to make sure I made it out safely. I was breathing so fast I felt like I might choke as I started to cough water out of my lungs. Who knows how much I was underwater…time didn't exist for me down there.

"Fuck, Y/n, are you okay?" I felt as he pulled himself out of the water to sit next to me, his hands on my shoulder as they caressed my back. And then the glass that was already broken, broke more and I started crying. I couldn't even tell when was the last time I was crying, maybe at the funeral of my parents. I felt terrified but at the same time, I was just so disappointed, because I couldn't do it.

"Hey, Y/n! Look at me!" I felt as his hands searched for my face as I was still crouched forward, my legs still in the water.

When the wet hands found my cheeks and lifted my head to look at me, I broke once again. "I-I'm s-sorry," I sobbed as I turned towards him. "I-I couldn't…couldn't do it…" I was broken and out of my mind.

"No, no, no Y/n, calm down, please," I heard his calm voice as I looked into his eyes. He looked so worried and terrified. "Breathe with me, baby." He started to breathe in and out as I did the same his hands still cupped the sides of my cheeks. I already felt calmer when I looked at him, but I just did what he told me to do.

"Good job, baby, very good job!" he caressed my cheeks as he saw I started to calm down. "Now listen to me! That you even started the mission and gave it a try was already a success for me. I'm so proud of you, Y/n! You did what you could, and you already won, because you tried and didn’t run away!" His voice was soft and his sharp eyes were shining as he was looking at me, he seemed proud.

I nodded at that. "Y/n, are you okay?" I heard Jongho's voice from behind as he completed the task and saw that something was up.

And suddenly I realized we weren't alone, that everyone saw and probably heard how the captain calmed me down, and as I looked around, I saw eyes on me. Eyes that screamed pity. That was the last thing I wanted to see, I hated it. I wasn't a baby who needed pampering.

So, I quickly stood up, my world a little spinning but somehow, I found the door that led me out of the staring eyes. When I went outside it was already getting darker, the weather was a bit chilly—felt so freaking good with soaked hair and clothes… I didn't even know where I was heading, my feet just wanted to walk me far away from there.

"Y/N!" I heard a voice behind me—familiar, commanding. A part of me wanted to stop, instinctively obeying the tone. But after what had happened, I just couldn’t take him seriously anymore.

"Y/N, c'mon, where are you going?" The voice got closer and closer.

"Away from here, I'm done with this shit!" I shouted not even looking back.

Then I felt as if a hand grabbed my hand and swirled me around impatiently.

"You can't just leave everything behind!" His face was a mix of disappointment, sadness, and…something I could never name.

"Why not? Didn't I tell you? This was what I was talking about. I. AM. NOT. A. PRIVILAGE." I pointed my finger at him, hitting his chest with every word. "Treat me like you would treat my other teammates, Captain!" My voice quieted a little as I said.

He was staring down at the ground, he looked like he was a little cat and its owner just scolded him for breaking a vase. "It's San…" He whispered barely audible.

"What?" I frowned at him.

He looked up, straight into my eyes and his eyes were shining again, but because it was welled up with salty tears.

"My name is San…please call me San…" He said with a desperate look.

It was weird, I didn't even realize he had another name until here he was just Captain for me or Sergeant Choi, and hearing his name, which sounded so fitting for him just ran chills through my body.

And yet, I scoffed at that, "I wasn't curious about your name." I turned again ready to leave.

"I can't treat you like the others, and I won't!" I heard his confident voice again it made me freeze. Footsteps behind me, as I felt the distance between us close like he was a magnet, my body just sensed his presence since the first time I saw him. He came in front of me and slowly, carefully like I might bite, held my hands. "I won't treat you like the others, because you mean so much more for me than them. I don't know and I don't understand, but the first time I saw you, when you rolled your eyes at me," A slight smile appeared on his face as he was thinking back at the memory.

"Something just happened there, I just couldn't get you out of my mind. I was watching you from far away, the night first night when you needed to run as a punishment, when you were talking with your teammates. You seemed so nature-like, I just wanted to know you better." He seemed honest like he wasn't joking.

"And when I saw you down there when you didn’t move…I just felt the urge to protect you no matter what. Please just…" He then cupped my face as tears welled up in my eyes. "Please, forgive me! For the other night…I-I it wasn’t me, I am just so confused when I’m with you and I can’t control myself, I shouldn’t have done that and then leave you there, I was an asshole and I get it if you won’t forgive me because I do deserve that…” His voice was desperate and his eyes started to well up with tears.

“A-and I know I shouldn't have talked to you like that in front of the others, but I was so worried, Y/n," His voice cracked a bit as he got emotional.

A single tear rolled down my cheeks, straight into his palm, that held my cheeks, his face inches away from me as he leaned his forehead against mine, closing his eyes.

My hands lifted on top of his as I looked at his face, the lamppost lighting his face, where pain was only visible. "I…I'm sorry for shouting at you, you just wanted to help me, but I was so overwhelmed I didn't think clearly." His eyes opened at that, and he looked at me with something that seemed relief.

He shook his head, "You don't have to apologize, baby." He then took one of my hands and pecked the inside of my palm. Warmth trailed through my body at the gesture. Then our eyes met and I saw the same fire in his eyes as that night, but it was a lot brighter now.

“Who is Sierra?” I asked what I wanted from day one, but didn’t have the strength to hear the truth that I might not like.

He looked at me with round eyes as his hands now released mine. He seemed distant all of a sudden and I knew it was time to discuss some things.

“She’s my…” He started as he stared down at the ground. “She’s m-my little sister,” His voice was barely a whisper. “W-was my little sister.”

Tears started to flow down my cheeks at that, he looked so broken and vulnerable at that moment as his uniform was glued to his body.

I stepped closer to him as I slowly reached my hands to cup his face. His eyes were full of tears I never saw him this vulnerable. “I’m so sorry San,” I whispered with sincere understanding.

He held my hands that cupped his face. “I never knew my parents, I was too little when they left us with my little sister and we became orphans. My sister…got very sick when we were teenagers…” He looked empty as he looked back at the unwanted memory. “It was a disease that couldn’t be helped. It took her away…” His voice seemed sad but he didn’t cry, and it was a good sign because that meant he knew it wasn’t his fault.

I gently caressed his cheeks, my touch soft and understanding. "I'm so sorry, San. I wish I could have known her."

He looked at me as if he couldn’t believe I was really there. "I wish you knew her too. You’re both stubborn as hell."

Then, finally, he smiled—a smile I had missed so much, his dimples appearing with a quiet kindness. He lifted his hand between us where his ring was appearing on his finger. “This is the only thing that is left of my family. This is the Choi clan’s ring. And I know I should probably hate them for leaving us, but I just somehow can’t.” He looked down on the ring that he kept safe no matter what.

“I get it, we never know the reasons behind people’s actions…” I said as I was playing with his ring.

He nodded at that with a slight smile, then he turned serious again. “What about you? What happened in the water?” Now it was his time to caress my cheeks gently.

I took a slow, deep breath in, then exhaled, trying to gather my thoughts. "We were on vacation when my father lost control of the car… and we plunged straight into the ocean. I was the only one who survived. Not even my sister…"

Tears spilled down my face again. "I’ve been an orphan ever since. I was only six years old."

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. That must have been so difficult for you." He leaned his forehead against mine. "But I’m so proud of you for making it this far on your own."

He whispered the words so gently, and yet they made my heart race. Finally—someone who truly understood me.

"Can I kiss you properly?" He whispered, his face still close to mine as he smiled at me, his dimples showing sweetly.

"Yes, please," I whispered close to his lips, and he immediately sealed our lips together. It was the opposite of our first kiss. It was slow and passionate; he tasted so good I was afraid I might get addicted to him. His hands traveled down to my waist and gently pulled me closer to him, as my hands went up onto his wet hair. Our lips moved against the other slowly, trying to crave this moment into memory for life. I felt like my body was a firework, exploding into the clear and dark sky just to paint the sky colorful like our hearts that became whole after all the hard obstacles we ran through on our own, now it seemed we found the purpose of our lives as our lips danced together, not wanting to separate. But as I opened my mouth and his tongue met mine, it started to get faster and hungrier. The desire creeps throughout our bodies, one of his hands traveling up my body, ending up at my nape.

"Mhhmm…" He hummed as he separated from me with a frown, him realizing we both were soaked. "I didn't know it could be better, but you are going to catch a cold. Quickly into my room, Miss Kang!" He said playfully with a beaming smile, then he cupped my face with a serious face. "And if you want to talk about it, I am here for you, okay? Always." He said his voice low and caring.

I nodded at that and then he pecked my lips once again, sealing the promise he made. That he was going to be by my side despite the demons I needed to fight with. My heart was pounding so fast that I felt like the whole world was hearing it. An emotion that I was so unfamiliar with hit me suddenly, the emotion I only felt when I was with my parents…Love and happiness.

3 years later

Left-right heartbeat left-right heartbeat left-right

We marched two abreast, straight into a battlefield soaked in blood and gunpowder. My eyes narrowed on the leader of our line—he was right beside me, his stance unwavering, determined to win a battle we barely had a chance of surviving.

From my left, his face was sharp in profile, his jaw clenched as he held his gun close. Somehow, he sensed my gaze. He tilted his head slightly to the left, and our eyes met. In that brief exchange, I saw determination laced with something bitter—an unspoken fear that we might never see each other again.

At that moment, the past three years flashed before my eyes. The struggles we endured. The first time he told me he loved me. The day I took him to my parents�� grave and introduced him to them. The happiest day of my life—when he proposed, and I said yes. And then, the day everything changed—the moment we were told we had to go to war, thrown into a world unraveling into chaos.

As we pushed forward, the chaos of battle engulfed us, but through the gunfire and screams, I found clarity. I realized that, in the end, it wasn't just about survival. It wasn’t about the battles we fought or the enemies we faced. It was about the person standing beside me, the one who saw me for who I truly was, the one I had never expected to find here, in this war-torn world.

He wasn't just my comrade in arms; he was my reason to keep fighting, my reason to keep breathing. Together, we would face whatever came next, no longer just soldiers— but two souls bound by something stronger than the chaos around us.

And in the midst of the storm, I understood: we weren’t just fighting for victory. We were fighting for each other, and in that, we had already won.

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xxkissesforchanniexx · 1 year ago

Text

𝐏𝐥𝐮𝐬 𝐎𝐧𝐞

Pairing: childhood bff!Chan x fem!reader (non-idol au) Word count: 3.4k Genre: Fluff 🥰💖, Smut 🔥❤️ (angst if you squint) Warning: Weddings... (lord help me), pro best friend chan, mentions of familial favoritism, semi rough sex? , soft dom!chan, sweet name calling(babygirl, princess), slightly jealous chan, comfort, lord someone teach me how to make better warnings, i think thats all? (someone needs to teach me to proof read.)

A/N: THANK YOU FOR 100 FOLLOWERS I LOVE YOU <3 I'm working on improving the formating of my works so >.> bare with me if some of the stuff doesnt translate over well on different devices, especially the text message part >.>

When you were young, you often got compared to your sister, your sister who loved pink and poodles and tutu skirts. She was younger than you by a year and yet, she always out did you, always was a step ahead, always beating you in everything. Yeah, you loved her, but the pain of comparison drove a wedge between you two.

You were 5 when you met Chan. He was very silly, always playing games and smiling, you happened to attend the same school and after he stood up for you against an older boy at the park you two were inseparable.

Chan, who sang for you. Chan, who shared his food with you. Chan, who taught you how to dance. Chan, who teased you for acting like a nerd. Chan, who was your best friend.

Chan was sitting on the couch in your apartment, watching a cringey romantic comedy with you when your phone rang. You gave it a glance and cringed, your grandmother's name appeared on the screen with a image of the woman with an almost plastic smile.

"You should probably answer." Chan said, "Would make it worse if you didn't."

You gave your best friend a side eye. "Nah really?"

He laughed lightly as you answered the phone.

"Hi, honey, you are joining us this year for the whole family get-together aren't you?" The old woman's voice came through the speaker to your ear.

"Of course Grandma-" You started.

"That's what you said last year, and you didn't come."

You made a face, the reason you hadn't gone was because you were sick. "Things happen Grandma."

"And the year before that?"

You pursed your lips, glancing at Chan. You weren't avoiding your family really you were just... avoiding the conflict that ensued when you were with your family. And by conflict you meant the constant onslaught of questions and disappointed looks you got whenever your family asked about anything you were doing with your life.

"And anyway, it's been so long since we've heard from you, we want to see how you've been, keep the family together, bring new people in along the way." Your grandma sounded so happy.

"What do you mean?" You were confused by the "bring new people".

"Oh dear. Did your sister not tell you?" Your grandma sighed, "She has a surprise for us this year."

You sighed. Your little sister always was one better than you, or two, or ten...

"Y/n?" Your grandma's voice brought you out of your daze and Chan leaned forward looking at your face.

"I'll be there this year grandma, I promise."

"Alright. Bye bye honey."

"Bye..." You said in a small voice hanging up.

Chan smiled slightly at you. "So?"

"Help."

His eyes widened slightly before darting around. "You know I really would if I could read minds but it's awfully sad I cant."

You rolled your eyes at the man. "My family dislikes everything I do."

"And?" Chan leaned back, raising a brow.

"They don't dislike you."

"What are you trying to do here?"

You clasped your hands and gave your best friend the most innocent pure pleading gaze. "Come with me, so they won't hate on me."

Chan made a face. "No-"

"I'll pay for the wifi in your apartment for the next two- four months." You grabbed your friend's big hands in yours, "Please!"

"Just because they don't hate me doesn't mean they won't hate on you." Chan said exasperated.

"BUT they'll find someone to compare to you so I won't have to be put down by this." You give him a pleading look.

"Y/n. I've done a lot of dum shit before this is my limit."

"Channie!" You begged. "Come on! I'll pay your netflix subscription too!"

Chan groaned. "Fine! You're making me feel guilty."

"AH! You're the best Chan." You smiled hugging you friend.

He rolled his eyes and patted your hair. "You're lucky netflix is expensive."

So there you were dinner, with your family, your grandmother quick to jump and compliment Chan and compare your father and uncles to him when they were his age. Everyone complimenting your sister and asking her what the big news was. Your dad looked about ready to leave when your younger sister stood. tapping her spoon against her glass gently.

You looked at her, she smiled at you, a smile you couldn't read.

"I have a big announcement to make." She looked at her boyfriend. "Well.. we have a big announcement to make."

"What is it dear?" Your mother asked.

"We're getting married!" Your little sister jumped and smiled. Everyone started clapping.

The initial excitement and congratulations ended, leaving a gently chattering at the table.

Cue your grandmother.

"Y/n dear, what about you?"

Silence.

Everyone looked at you.

Your sister sighed slightly. "Granny, you can't pester her. Give her time, she might get married before 40."

A soft laugh rippled over the table, you stared at your little sister. She smiled innocently, your fist clenched under the table. So what if she was younger and prettier and more successful. You made a move to excuse yourself but Chan grabbed your fist under the table, you relaxed your grip and his fingers slipped between yours and squeezed gently. Your heart skipped a beat and you looked up at your best friend, smiling.

Her Majesty the Queen 01:53 She was obviously out to get you.

Butt Hunter 01:53 I agree

🐶 01:54 Go to the wedding in white.

Baby Chick 01:54 💀

. Me 01:54 I'm NOT going to my sister's wedding in white!

Beanie boy 01:54 He's giving real solutions here.

Squirrel 01:55 Just don't go?

Bread. 01:55 All you do is avoid conflict.

Squirrel 01:55 NO I DONT

Noodle Spirit Survivor. 01:56 shut up. it's 2 in the fucking morning.

. Me 01:56 Sorry Chan, we'll shut up now.

Beanie boy 01:56 Erm actually it's 1:56 AM

🐶 01:56 It's called silent old man.

Bread. 01:56 LMFAO

Baby Chick 01:56 LOL

Butt Hunter 01:56 I don't think his phone box has a silent button.

Squirrel 01:57 😭

Her Majesty the Queen 01:57 💀

You put your phone down and picked up the invitation to your sister's wedding, 4 months... all you had was 4 months to get someone to go to the wedding with. You sighed, going to the app store and downloaded for the nth time, tinder. Cringing.

You had four months to at least meet some expectations, get a nice guy for maybe a month or two, ask him to be your plus one to your sister's wedding then what? You shrugged to yourself and shoved your phone under your pillow before going to sleep.

Chan realized he was screwed, he watched you get ready for another date.

"Honestly." You sighed sitting down to put on your makeup. "I might just go with a random guy. Or maybe I could take Hyunjin or Jisung."

He pursed his lips. Was he even an option for you? What made this guy from tinder so important you had to doll yourself up to go see him. Chan bit his lip, you were his best friend, he could fix the problem, he could be your plus one, he could ask. but he didn't. He was too scared to.

He remembered his conversation with Changbin and Minho a few days earlier. Maybe he was being too much of a pussy. He'd known you for ages, he knew how you liked your coffee and the music that calmed you down, he knew what part in silly romance movies made you cry, he knew when you were uncomfortable and when you were too angry to speak.

"If you keep beating around the bush with how you feel you might never get a chance."

Changbin's words rang in his ears and he bit his lip.

"Y/n what if-" He started.

The doorbell rang as you finished applying your lip stick. "Oh, I gotta go Channie." You stood and hugged him. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck." Chan gave you a small smile and the moment you were out the door he was cursing himself for not stopping you. "Damnit."

Chan wished he hadn't wished you luck. You and Seokmin, your date, apparently hit it off. For the next two and a half weeks Chan felt like a third wheel in his own friendship with you, if you weren't on the phone with Seokmin, you were texting him, and if you weren't texting him, you were talking about him.

It really came to a head when Hyunjin invited the entirety of the group chat to go out for karaoke and you were busy with Seokmin the day off.

It hand't really been his intention to show up at your place angry, just the thought of you not just ghosting him but the whole friend group. He knocked a few times. no response.

Chan knocked again. he still got no response. Sure the key in the dirt of the potted plant hanging under the sign of your apartment number was for emergencies only, but this was an emergency. (to him anyway.)

Chan opened the door and entered your apartment, expecting to hear lewd sounds or... what else was he really expecting. But as he approached your door his heart ached. It wasn't a sound he heard often from you but it was one he could recognize any day. Chan pushed the door open slowly. You sat on your bed, hugging a pillow, eyes red and puffy, tears streaking your face, you didn't notice him until he closed the door gently behind himself.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

You quickly wiped your tears. "Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

Chan sighed. "Come here." He sat on the bed and opened his arms.

You leaned into him muttering, "Seokmin is a dumass."

"What happened?" Chan asked, rubbing your shoulder gently.

"He blocked me." You sniffed. "Out of the fucking blue."

Chan hummed softly. "His loss."

You looked up at your friend, "You're so dum."

"Nuh uh, I think I'm pretty smart princess." Chan smiled gently.

"I don't think so." You laughed softly.

He looked down at you. "'M smart enough to stay your friend."

You nod slightly, "I stayed attached to you at the hip is more like it."

"Didn't have a problem with it."

"Chan." You rubbed your friend's arm.

"Hm?"

"Go with me."

"Where?" he asked dumbly.

You sat up and flicked his forehead. "You know where."

"I don't get anything out of it." He rubbed his forehead.

"I'll uh..."

"Worry about it later." He huffed and stood, smoothing your hair. "Should we get (comfort food)?"

"I was wondering when you'd ask." You punched him softly and led the way out of your room.

The day of the wedding you were wearing a long pastel blue dress, and Chan a matching suit, it wasn't the first time you'd matched with your best friend, but this felt more special. Your grandmother and parents gave you side ways glances during the wedding procession, and once the reception had started so did your grandma's vulture like flocking.

"Y/N i really thought you would've come with someone other than Chan, maybe your sister was right you just need time." the old woman sighed.

You sucked in a breathe but Chan grabbed your hand under the table, his words making you freeze, "Is there a problem with me attending as her boyfriend?"

You turned to Chan and he squeezed your hand as if urging you to play along.

Your grandmother looked at you stunned. "What? Since when?"

"The dinner really opened my eyes, maybe guys don't approacher because I'm around, I do look like her boyfriend don't I?" He glanced at you, "Why not give it a shot?"

Your family must have heard your grandmother's cry because your mother and father came over a few moments later and you watched as Chan worked his charm, a mask on his face the entirety of the time.

Your sister looked between you and Chan, blinking quite a bit. As your parents congratulated you on not being single for the first time, you felt like you out did your sister, you looked at Chan, he smiled gently at you and your heart jumped.

After a lot of drinks and cake you decided it was time to head home.(Chan had to drag you out.)

The ride back to your apartment was quiet, you were too buzzed to speak and Chan was focused on driving.

Chan smiled softly, glancing at you. "Wasn't so bad was it?"

You took a moment before you spoke. "Did you mean what you said?"

Chan's brows furrowed, "About what?"

"Did you actually think of me like that after the dinner?" You looked at him.

Chan sucked a breath, squeezing the wheel. "Would you believe me if I said yes."

"I don't have a reason not to."

Chan pulled off the highway onto the smaller road that lead through the city and to your apartment.

"Well?" You asked.

Chan bit his lip and nodded. "I meant what I said."

You remained quiet until he pulled into your apartment complex. And even after he got you into your apartment. You stood there, looking at... Chan. Chan who knew you better than you knew yourself, Chan who always calmed you down, Chan who got angry for you, Chan who bought you food when you were sad and held you until you grew tired of it(you never did you never could), Chan your...

"You meant it?" You were completely sober now, picking up the conversation as if you hadn't been silent for the past half hour.

Chan nodded.

"Is that all there is to it?"

"No." he breathed, stepping closer to you.

"Tell me. What else?" You asked quietly.

"How do I even begin?" He laughed slightly. "I'm sorry-"

"Why are you apologizing?" You looked at him confused.

"For not telling you how I felt from the get go." he smiled, "If there's anything that makes me sleep at night it's you, if there's any place I feel safe it's with you. You make me more happy than I can describe with words alone, there isn't another person I'd be with in any life." He reached and caressed your cheek. "I wanted to fight myself when I let you go out with Seokmin. I want you, I need you, I..." He paused, scanning your face for a signal, any sign to keep going.

"You're going to shut up now when you're at the climax of your speech?" You laughed slightly.

He smiled and rolled his eyes, "I love you. I always have."

"You're really an idiot." You kissed him gently.

Chan blinked in shock. "I-"

You smiled, proud of yourself. "Now-"

Chan grabbed your face and pressed his lips to yours again, you stared for a moment before relaxing into the kiss wrapping your arms around his neck. His tongue fighting yours before he pushed into your mouth to taste you, biting your lip gently.

"Wanted to do that for so long." He breathed against your lips, pulling away slowly.

You grabbed his collar. "If you don't finish what you started I will."

Chan's eyes widened and a smirk grew on his face. He kissed you again and his hand moved to the back of your dress. "May I, princess?"

"You may." You giggled as he removed the dress and your made quick work of his buttons before he shrugged off the jacket and shirt, picking you up and carrying you to the bed.

You squeaked as he threw you onto the bed and got on top you. "Nervous?" he asked laughing lightly.

"No... Of course not." You said looking away.

He smiled and turned your head to face him kissing you passionately before he moved to suck a dark mark just next to your jaw. "So pretty, just for me."

You gasped softly and nodded. "Just for you Channie." Chan continued his assault on your neck before removing your bra and smiling at your chest, he kissed your lips gently. "This is my favorite part of you," He moved to kiss your chest, sucking a nipple into his mouth and biting gently, relishing in the cry that escaped your lips, "But this is second best."

You blushed, "Stop doing that?"

"Doing what?" Chan chuckled against your right breast, pinching the left.

"You-"

"Huh?" He kissed down your belly and bit hard beside your belly button.

"Ow-" You gasped and grabbed his hair.

"Gotta make sure they know you're taken if you wear a crop top." he murmured and moved lower kissing your thigh and pulling your legs apart. "This is mine hm? I think I waited for it long enough." He kissed your thigh before pulling your pantie off. He tossed it haphazardly over his shoulder. He took amount to admire you and you shifted slightly.

"Channie. You're staring." You muttered.

"That a problem princess?"

"Pervert." You rolled your eyes as Chan tugged you to the edge fo the bed.

He rubbed your clit with his thumb applying just enough pressure to make you moan, he smiled. "That feel good?"

You nodded, panting.

"Use your words." He said rubbing your clit a bit faster.

You moaned and tried to move away but his hand came to hold you down. "No, no."

You blushed, "Meanie."

He smirked kissing your belly before slipping a finger into you. You moan as your wall clenched around his digit, he moved it in and out slowly, thumb still working at your clit.

You gasped and bit your lip as he pushed another finger into you. He paused looking at you.

"What?" You tried to move for friction but he held you down.

"I want to hear you."

You blushed furiously, eyes wide.

Chan laughed lightly and started fingering you again, his middle and ring finger curling to find your g-spot.

You let out a loud cry and Chan smiled, he moved to kiss you, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth, he started grinding his palm into your clit as his fingers moved deeper. You moaned into the kiss and squealed, legs kicking slightly. Chan slid a third finger into you and you squirmed.

"It's too much!" You whined.

"I think you can take it." He said kissing your neck, "Just a little bit more, princess, wanna feel you cum on my hand."

You moaned louder as he pinched your nipple, sucking on the other one. You gasped as he started grinding his tented crotch against your thigh.

"Are you going to cum for me?" he cooed into your ear. "Cum for me, please, princess."

You moaned loudly as you came hard on Chan's hand.

He hummed and lifted his fingers to his mouth, licking them clean before leaning to kiss you. "You taste good babygirl." He stood to remove his pants letting them fall to the floor.

You moaned at the lewdness of the action as Chan moved between your legs, tapping his cock against your clit.

"I'm gonna make you feel good, make you mine." He said, his voice thick with lust.

You bit your lip and nodded. "Please. "

Chan smiled kissing you gently as he pushed into you.

A throaty moan erupted from your throat and Chan groaned. "Sound so pretty," He pulled out slowly and pushed in deeply, you cried out at the slight burn. "I'm sorry baby," He kissed your cheeks gently. "Can I move now?"

You nod and before you could ground yourself Chan was pistoning into you, fucking you as if he wouldn't get to again. You held onto him tightly, clawing at his broad shoulders. He moaned and squeezed your hips tightly. "You're so tight princess."

He moaned softly against your neck, kissing and biting, leaving marks that would surely become hickeys by morning, as he rutted into you over and over. You moaned louder, panting into the heated kisses he granted you. The bed creaked and slammed against the wall with the force of it all, the sound of sin slapping against skin filling your bedroom, you were positive the neighbors could hear but it wasn't like you had room to care.

Chan's hand slipped between your bodies and he began rubbing your clit. "C'mon baby. Cum for me again."

Your mouth fell open in a silent cry as he began thrusting into you harder, hitting your g-spot.

"Cum for me princess." He said through grit teeth.

Another thrust sent you toppling over the edge and you came hard, vision going white as you let out a broken cry. Chan followed quickly, his thick length throbbing inside you as you milked him for everything he had. He kept thrusting his gaze distant and glassy.

You whimpered and trembled as he overstimulated you slightly. After a few more thrusts he finally slowed down and relaxed on top of you.

"Let me take you out on a date..." He muttered against your shoulder.

"I'd like that." You said running your fingers through his curly hair.

What da cringe ending 😭 I really want to thank everyone for 100 followers LOVE YALL <3 requests will reopen soon, I'm still busy with school but I hoped you liked this it took really long to make.

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navybrat817 · 1 year ago

Note

Any chance we can see Winter and Kisa? 🥺

I owe them a proper one-shot, nonnie, but I may have a little something to hold you over.

Almost Like Home

Pairing: Mob!Bucky Barnes x Agent!Female Reader

Summary: Bucky told you his place would be your home one day. You see it firsthand with his closet.

Word Count: Over 1.6k

Warnings: Tension, longing, pet names, possessive behavior, slight obsessive behavior, conflicted reader, threat of violence (not against reader), very minor injury, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).

A/N: More Winter and Kisa. That okay, lovelies? ❤️ Edit by the talented @nixakimbo . Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Arguing with Bucky to let you go back to your place was pointless today and you were too exhausted to try. Being sleepy was how you justified following him to his bedroom, your footsteps gently echoing in the hall. You took in your surroundings and tried to reason that it was out of curiosity and to stay alert, not because this would be your home one day. Even if he said it would be.

You’d take a quick nap and be on your way, right?

“You sure I can't carry you in?” Bucky offered as he stopped in front of the door at the end of the hall, sneaking a glance at you over your shoulder.

He trusted you enough to have his back to you.

“Don’t you dare,” you said without a hint of malice, biting your lip when he smiled and opened the door to let you go in.

“Worth a shot.”

The rays from the sunset seeped in through the window curtain before Bucky turned the light on. The bedroom was beautiful, as expected, with a king-sized bed, a chair near the balcony, and a fireplace. You imagined him sitting and reading after a long day. But the vanity didn't appear to be his style at all.

It looked like something that belonged in your room.

Bucky didn't attempt to move toward you as you met his all-consuming gaze, which somehow made the tension grow. It would’ve been easy to drag him to his bed or let him shove you down and make you his the way he claimed you were. But one taste wouldn't be enough for either of you.

“As much as I'd love to see you in my clothes,” he said to break the silence, gesturing to a door along the wall. “You might find something more to your liking in there on the right side.”

“I can't sleep in this?”

He dragged his lip along his teeth and shook his head. “The bastard who hit you may not have touched your clothes, but I’d sooner burn them before they touch my bed.”

“Possessive bastard,” you muttered, part of you liking it.

His watchful eyes followed as you crossed the room and opened the door, your mouth falling open as you looked around. The closet was larger than your apartment living room. To the left were suits, shoes, watches, and more that clearly belonged to the mobster. But to the right…

Your heart raced as you walked over and pushed through the clothes, something heavy settling in your stomach when you realized they were all your size. Not only that, they were designs and styles you wore and liked. Many of which you'd never be able to afford, let alone have the pleasure of feeling the fabric under your fingertips. You had long accepted that working for a living would never give you a life of luxury.

There weren't many times in life where you had the rug pulled out from under you, but this was something else entirely.

“What is this?” You whispered, turning toward Bucky as he strode through the door.

“Your closet. Well, our closet. You like it?” He answered, pride in his eyes as he glanced at your side. “I figured you could look at some of the shoes and jewelry after you get some rest. And you’ll love the lingerie almost as much as I will.”

You took a deep breath. And another. It did little to calm you down. “Bucky. I am not your girlfriend and I sure as hell don't live here, so why do you have half of your closet set aside for me?” You demanded.

Bucky lifted a shoulder, unbothered by the fury and touch of sadness that simmered in your eyes. “Girlfriend isn't really a title I want you to have. Wife and my queen, yes. Those will do. And you will live here, so I had to make sure you have clothes,” he said as his eyes bore into yours. “Though I don't mind if you'd rather walk around without wearing anything.”

Your face heated up as he stepped toward you and you wished you could ignore the throbbing between your legs. “You're delusional,” you stated.

He chuckled low, the sound sending more heat through your traitorous body. “No, Kisa. Not delusional. Prepared and excited, but not delusional.”

You scoffed, trying to cover up your arousal. Why did he put more into obtaining you than any other guy who crossed your path before? “Whatever you need to tell yourself to get to sleep at night, Winter.”

“I'll sleep much better when you're beside me.”

The softness in his voice surprised you, like you sleeping beside him would bring him some sort of comfort as well as satisfaction. “You say that like it's a sure thing.”

Your stomach twisted in knots as he smirked, all confidence and swagger. “Oh, you and I both know I always end up getting what I want.”

But what if he stopped wanting you one day?

Your back was against the wall, nowhere to go as he took another step forward. “You can't have me.”

The words sounded empty and you both knew it. “And why is that?” He asked.

“Because I can't let you have me,” you answered, pausing as your gaze shifted away from him. You almost regretted the next words that slipped out of your mouth. “You cloud my judgment.”

The admission didn't lift the weight from your chest because it didn't change anything. At the end of the day, Bucky would continue to do terrible things and you wouldn't bring him to justice. You couldn't bring yourself to do so. Yet you brought others in.

How many times could you justify letting Bucky roam free because he had a heart beneath the surface?

You willed your knees to keep you upright when he rolled his sleeves up more and smugly smiled. “Is that so? Hmm, I like the idea that you can't think straight around me.”

You held up a hand when he moved closer, as if it would stop him. “Don't let it go to your head. My job comes first. You know that.”

He grasped your wrist and brought it to his mouth, his lips barely grazing your skin. The spark between you continued to ignite when his tongue darted out. “Well, if I had it my way you'd come first every single time.”

The breath left your lungs in a rush. “Bucky, please,” you whispered, hating how weak you sounded when his scruff touched your skin.

He hummed as he pressed his lips against your pulse. “That's one of the things I imagine you saying before you come.”

You didn't rip your hand away, enjoying the attention far more than you should have. “You're being ridiculous. You know we can't do this.”

“No, I don't know that. Though you keep saying we shouldn't,” he said, taking your hand and placing it over your head against the wall. His grip didn't hurt. You almost wished it did so you'd have more of a reason to fight. “Maybe you're the delusional one.”

“Maybe I am a little,” you said, tears pricking your eyes. “Because I've crossed the line enough by not bringing you in.”

Maybe your hands weren't as dirty as his, but they sure as hell weren't clean.

A sympathetic smile tugged at his lips. “Because you want me and want to be with me.”

His eyes traced along your face as your breathing got heavier. You didn't object or deny him. Doing so would be a lie and wasn't life clouded enough with too many of those? But to speak the truth would be to lose a part of yourself.

“It doesn't matter. When the chase ends, you’ll stop wanting me,” you said, his brows furrowing when your voice cracked.

Because the game would be over and why would he want to play again? How much of you would he take with him? What would be left in the wake of his victory?

His fingertips ran along your sore cheek and brushed away a tear that fell. “The chase will end because you’ll be by my side, but it doesn't stop there. I’m still going to court you and show you every day why I’m nothing without you.”

Tilting your head, he placed a tender kiss on your cheek. The same way he had in his den. Would it be so wrong to let him seduce you further? “But you have the world,” you whispered.

“You are my world,” he whispered back before he pulled away and released your hand, your body suddenly cold. Your breaths felt shallow as he ran a hand through his hair and he still hadn’t kissed your lips. He looked like he was restraining himself as well. “Those aren't just pretty words. I’ll do whatever it takes to show you, Kisa. Starting with the man who hurt you.”

The resolve in his eyes before he turned and walked away tugged at your heartstrings. “Don’t kill him. Please.”

He stopped in the doorway with a sigh, but didn't face you. “I told you I can't let it go,” he said, grunting as he flexed his fingers. “But I'll try not to kill him.”

You couldn't ask for more than that. “Thank you, Bucky,” you said sincerely, pushing yourself away from the wall. “But you really don't have to do anything to him in order to prove something to me.”

His blue eyes lit up with purpose when he looked back at you. “No one hurts someone I love and gets away with it,” he said, leaving you all alone with your thoughts.

Because what were you really afraid of?

That Bucky Barnes loved you or that you maybe loved him, too?

UGH. I love them. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

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bitchiswild · 1 year ago

Text

Jealous Ex

G!P Kim Chaewon x F! Reader

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: toxic chaewon? Creampie, restroom sex, idkk

A/n: another chaewon smut 🙏

REQUESTED

Chaewon wasn't necessarily a terrible girlfriend, but she also wasn't the best. There were moments when she could be overly jealous and clingy, making it difficult for you to maintain your independence. Her possessiveness became increasingly frustrating, especially when it meant you couldn't spend time with your friends without her accompanying you. Eventually, you reached a breaking point and decided to end the relationship.

You found yourself missing Chaewon, but what you really craved was her cock. She knew your body like the back of her hand, knowing exactly how to fuck you until tears streamed down your face and your whole body quivered. Chaewon was skilled with her cock, but when it came to her emotions, she struggled to keep them in check.

"Still thinking about her?" Yunjin asked, catching you lost in your thoughts as she took a sip of her drink. We were at the club; Yunjin had invited you to help take your mind off Chaewon.

"I...I don't know," You replied with a groan, prompting a chuckle from Yunjin.

"Come on, Y/n, you're single now. Let loose. Meet someone new, find yourself a rebound," she suggested, handing me a drink.

Taking it from her, you sighed, admitting, "You're right. I need to forget about her, but damn, Chaewon knows how to fuck me right."

"Ew, I did not need to know that," Yunjin grimaced in response.

After downing our drinks, You and Yunjin hit the dance floor, ready to have some fun. The both of you danced with others, got a little touchy, and even flirted with a few people.

But as you scanned the room, you spotted someone familiar in the distance: Chaewon. She was watching you, with a drink in her hand, jealousy written all over her face. When your eyes met, she smirked and winked at you, sending a shiver down your spine. Despite the loud music and crowded dance floor, it felt like it was just the two of us at that moment.

You quickly excused yourself , your heart racing as you glanced at Chaewon and made a beeline for the restroom. Thoughts raced through your mind - why was your ex-girlfriend here? How did she know you were here?

Lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice Chaewon entering the restroom behind you. Suddenly, her arm wrapped around you, pulling you close as she breathed in deeply. "Oh, how I missed you, baby girl," she purred, her hand caressing your stomach.

You pushed her away, your voice trembling as you demanded answers. "Chaewon, what are you doing here? How did you know I was here?"

With a nonchalant shrug, Chaewon stepped closer, her hands sliding down to your ass as she pulled you back into her embrace. "There aren't many clubs in the city, baby. I knew you'd turn up eventually," she smirked, her touch sending a jolt of conflicting emotions through you.

The tension between us hung thick in the air as we stood there in the restroom, Chaewon's presence both familiar and unsettling. Despite your attempts to keep your distance, her touch ignited a spark of longing deep within you.

"Chaewon, we can't keep doing this," you whispered, trying to assert some semblance of control over the situation.

She leaned in closer, her breath warm against your ear as she murmured, "But you know you still want me, baby. I can feel it."

Her words sent a shiver down your spine, stirring up memories of our passionate past together. But you knew you couldn't give in to temptation, not when things had ended between the two of you for a reason.

Summoning all the strength you had left, you gently pushed her away once more. "I have to go," you said firmly, determined to break free from her grasp and leave the restroom behind.

But Chaewon wasn't ready to let you go that easily. She grabbed your arm, pulling you back into her embrace. "Come on, baby, I know you missed me. I can feel your heart racing," she whispered, her words sending a shiver down your spine.

You trembled under her touch, torn between the desire to give in to her and the knowledge that it would only lead to more heartache. "Chaewon, please," You whimpered, your body betraying you as your legs nearly gave out.

She leaned in closer, her breath hot against your ear. "Don't you miss me, baby girl? Miss my touch? Miss my cock?" she husked, her words igniting a fire deep within you.

You let out a shuddered breath, unable to resist her any longer. "C-Chaewon," You whimpered, your need for her overwhelming.

"I'm here, baby. What do you need?" she teased, her eyes burning into your as she watched your every move.

"Please," You pleaded, your thighs rubbing together in anticipation. "Please, fuck me." And just like that, you fell under her spell once again.

Chaewon pulled up your dress and swiftly yanked down your panties, you gasped in surprise. Before you could react, she pushed you over the sink, causing you to brace yourself against the cold porcelain. A sharp slap to your ass made you jump and whimper, the sting mixing with the overwhelming pleasure coursing through you.

In one fluid motion, she whipped out her cock, jerking it teasingly before pressing the tip against your soaking wet pussy. You moaned as she rubbed it against you, the anticipation building with each tantalizing touch.

"I never want to see you with anyone but me, okay?" she growled in your ear, her words sending a shiver down your spine. And then, with a forceful thrust, she buried her entire cock inside you, causing me to scream out in pleasure.

She wasted no time in pounding your pussy, the sensation overwhelming as you surrendered to her entirely. "Your pussy is mine, Y/n. Only I can fuck you this good. Say it." she growled, each hard thrust sending shockwaves of ecstasy through your body.

You cried out as her relentless pounding pushed you to the brink of bliss. "Yes! Yes! I'm yours!" you screamed, unable to deny the overwhelming pleasure she was giving you.

As Chaewon continued to pound into you with unrelenting force, the vines of her cock rubbed inside you deliciously, igniting a primal hunger that consumed the both of you.

"Fuck, you're so tight, baby," she groaned, her breath hot against you ear as she gripped your hips firmly, her movements becoming more urgent with each passing moment.

You moaned in response, the sensation of her cock sliding in and out of you sending shivers of pleasure down your spine. "Harder, Chaewon, please," You begged, your voice thick with need as you arched your back to meet her thrusts.

With a growl of desire, Chaewon lifted you effortlessly, your legs wrapping around her waist as she carried you to the nearest wall. Pressing you against it, she held you up with one hand while her other hand tangled in your hair, pulling you close as she ravished your lips with her own.

The rough texture of the wall against your back only added to the intensity of the moment as Chaewon continued to thrust into you with a relentless rhythm. Each powerful thrust sent shockwaves of pleasure coursing through your body, driving you closer and closer to the edge.

"You like this, don't you? You love the way im fucking you?" she growled, her voice dripping with desire as she pinned you against the wall, her cock driving deep into you with each thrust.

"Yes, Chaewon, yes," You gasped, your body trembling with need as you surrendered completely to the intoxicating pleasure of her touch.

The door started to rattle as someone called out, "Hello, is anyone in there? I need to use the restroom!" Panic surged through you, but Chaewon's thrusts didn't falter.

You whimpered, "Chaewon, someone's outside..."

She smirked, her grip on you tightening as she continued to pound into you relentlessly. "Don't worry, baby," she purred, her voice dripping with desire. "I locked the door."

Chaewon's cock drove into you with a primal urgency, each thrust sending you closer to the edge. You clung to her desperately, lost in the dizzying whirl of sensations as she claimed you completely.

Slaps echoed in the restroom, mixing with the sounds of our fervent moans and the rhythmic pounding of our bodies. "Fuck, you feel so good baby" Chaewon growled between thrusts, her voice thick with desire as she unleashed her passion upon you.

You whimpered in response, the sting of each slap only adding to the overwhelming pleasure coursing through you. "Yes, Chaewon, I love it," you gasped, your voice trembling with need as you surrendered to the intensity of the encounter.

Her hand came down hard on your ass again, sending shockwaves of pleasure radiating through your body. "You're mine, Y/n," she husked, her words sending a shiver down your spine as she claimed you. You were her possession.

You moaned in agreement, your body writhing with pleasure as you surrendered to her every touch. "Yes, Chaewon, I'm yours," You whispered, lost in the dizzying whirl of sensations as we chased the release together.

You felt a surge of ecstasy rip through you, your body convulsing uncontrollably as you came hard. Your ears rang with the intensity of the sensation, and your legs gave out beneath you, leaving you trembling in Chaewon's arms.

She held you up with a firm grip, her own climax building as she continued to thrust into you with urgency. With a guttural groan, Chaewon reached her peak, releasing her hot seed deep inside you.

Feeling her cum inside you sent you over the edge once again, your body pulsating with waves of pleasure as you rode out the aftershocks of the intense fucking.

"I've got you, baby girl," Chaewon whispered, her gentle caress soothing the tingling sensation that lingered on your skin.

Chaewon pulled out, watching as her cum dripped onto the tiled floor. With a husky voice, she then shoved her finger into you, ensuring that every last drop of her seed remained inside you.

"Make sure to keep it inside you, baby," she husked, her words sending shivers of pleasure down your spine as you nodded in agreement, completely lost in the blissful haze.

After we had both caught our breath and cleaned up, Chaewon looked at you with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Let's head back to my house," she said, her voice laced with a smirk.

You couldn't help but smile in response, knowing that the night was far from over. With a nod, you followed her out of the restroom, feeling a sense of excitement building within you as we made our way back to Chaewon's house.

#bitchiswild #BIW.WRITES #chaewon x reader #kim chaewon x reader #kim chaewon smut #chaewon smut #chaewon x f! reader #kim chaewon x reader smut #lesserafim chaewon #kim chaewon #lesserafim x reader #lesserafim smut #lesserafim x fem reader #lesserafim imagines #le sserafim smut #le sserafim #smut #idol x reader

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kix-mm · 5 months ago

Text

G/t short story

Daisy took a shaky teep breath to ground herself. "Branch - listen to me, just stay back, please - Branch, Branch! S-stay back!" She begins to step back, but she reaches the wall on the third step, her former friends large hand still slowly reaching out to her, casting a dark shadow over Daisy.

"B-Branch! Don't!" She yells, her voice creaks with fear as she pulls herself into a ball "s-stop! Don't!" She yells, though it was muffled by her pulling herself tighter. She feels sweat bead down her face, her heart pounding in her chest. This was all so dizzying to her.

She felt a gentle heat come closer, making her whimper. Why wouldn't he listen to her, better yet. Why did she insist on following him when he told her he needed a moment? She just wanted to make sure he was alright! She didn't think it would cost her everything!

A large gentle finger gently brushes along her back, rubbing slowly up and down her spine. "Daisy, come on, sit up." his voice was gentle, yet still made Daisy want to curl up even tighter. Was he mad at her? No, Branch wasn't to be reasoned with when he was mad... she slowly peeked up, feeling her heart drop and her head spin when she saw the new dizzying height her friend stood at, even when kneeling he'd still not make it through the door without having to wiggle through like a worm.

Daisy felt his fingers slowly pulling her up, not by the collar like in the movies but instead slowly and carefully by the waist... she blushed for a moment before quickly pulling back and pressing herself against the wall to ground herself. It wasn't much... but it was something, some semblance of grounding. He chest quickly rose and fell, her mind dizzy with questions and fears, yet Branch remained still, his arms crossed awkwardly as if to hug himself.

"I'm not going to hurt you..." Branch huffed in slight annoyance. He hated being looked at like that. It's not something he was unfamiliar with, quite the opposite, considering all the governmental checkups he has to go to. But this was Daisy, his Daisy. He didn't want her to look at him like that, anyone but her.

Daisy flinched and wished she could merge through the walls. The way he looked at her and the tone in his voice made her feel so powerless, like she was in his way... she looked at the door and slowly began creeping towards it before making a sudden dart toward it. As a result, Branch's massive hand slammed against the exit door, blocking Daisy's way out. She squealed in shock. His hand had come a little too close to her for her comfort.

"You almost flattened me!" "Then don't run away!" His voice boomed, instantly crushing any semblance of courage Daisy had as she ducked down and covered her head, like he'd.. hit her or something. Branch was growing frustrated. He sighed and sat back, leaning his head against the wall as he sat looking at Daisy. At least there was more room between the two. Daisy looked up, his looming presence was on the other size of the room, there was a slight illusion of space between the two, a slight comfort for Daisy.

Branch knew of her phobia, or rather her trauma with his kind, but he hoped that this would be an opportunity to calm her fears... "Daisy? You know it's still me, right? I'm not just some monster wearing a face..." his voice had softened, and she hadn't flinched this time. That was good, right?

Daisy felt a conflicting mix of emotions, fear undoubtedly was there, but there was also guilt, worry, understanding for hiding himself, yet also a part of her wished he had told her sooner. "I- I know it's still you, but you seem so different like.. this"

Branch smiled a little "well I can't exactly be loud when I'm like this, and being careful when you're around has become second nature to me, there's not much difference now is there?". "But there is!" Daisy insisted, standing up again."you- you're - " Oh god, what did she want to say? There's so much she wanted to point out! But She had to be careful. This was Branch she was talking to, a friend, but still someone to tread lightly with. How does she say "you're a safety hazard the size of a two story house" without getting crushed?

Branch tightened his firsts as Daisy fished for the right words. When she seemed stuck, Branch finally decided to step in, "I'm dangerous, right?" Daisy froze, guilt rose as she mastered the courage to speak up. "I.. never said that." She muttered, but it was undeniable that she agreed with him. Branch slowly reached down to Daisy, offering his hand. She understandably backs away. "w-what are you -" "Step on, it's okay, I just want to see you better." Daisy froze, could she really trust Branch of all people not to drop her? What if he held her too tight? Had he done this before?

"Dais," his voice interrupted her thoughts. "Stop thinking so much, I'm not going to be wreckless." he reached a little closer. "Come on, I won't grab you, but it'll mean a lot to me if you can trust me right now..." Those words sparked something in Daisy, vulnerability... Daisy wasn't the only one scared right now, surely Branch was too?

She looked at Branch's massive hand, wondering how many others he had carried like that before, she took a few uncertain steps, walking on a hand isn't as easy as some make it out to be, but eventually she made it to his palm and she sat down comfortably before slowly and carefully bring lifted, his second hand cupped around her to ensure no slip-ups.

Once in front of his face, she couldn't help but notice that she could see his eyes so much clearer. Almost like they glowed, she noticed faint details in his face that she otherwise would have missed before. Branch held her a little closer than she would have liked. The soft rosy blush that spread across his cheeks made her want to cover up despite having an already very modest dress. "What is it..?" She asked as she subconsciously held his pinky. "You're just... very beautiful, is all... I've never been able to look at you like this..."

#g/t community #gt community #g/t #giant/tiny #gentle giant #my ocs #oc #my characters #own character #gianttiny #giant #g/t ocs #g/t related #g/t writing #giant tiny #gt writing #sfw g/t #sfw gt #gt

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fangatic · 4 months ago

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a last note on the ai-fic bullshit

a couple days ago, a person i had never spoken to before shared my call-out post on x with the earnest intention of spreading awareness of the issue. she was attacked and harrassed so harshly by the same group of people who have been dragging my friends and i through the mud that she ended up having to deactivate.

this group of perpetrators then did their very best to turn this whole conversation on its head by accusing the poster of being anti-solavellan, of sharing the post with malicious intentions of dividing the fandom and tearing down amateur writers, and grouping her and i/my friends as antis and what not.

my thoughts on that development aren't any that i can express with any diplomacy or maturity whatsoever, but @drakonmo herself did a wonderful job at gracefully carving out the very important conversation we, as fans, need to have within our communities. whether you observed or participated in the conversation surrounding the silence and the song and the following shitstorm, i strongly urge you to read her post (here) (on x).

tldr/to those who might be in a rush, let me pull out some highlights:

by deleting the evidence and refusing to acknowledge the public claims were ever made, these people who despise me and wanted to foment discourse could succeed, armed with the trust and respect of loyal followers.

suddenly, the entire wall of text of explanations, of signs, of concerns were reduced to nothing but one portion of the whole. people began to attack OP and me and write threads, posts, etc, saying we were insulting all creators everywhere and we were - singlehandedly - the reason people didn't share their artwork.

clearly, these people argued, this insult and injury to all writers everywhere was a sign of these posts being a hate campaign. suddenly people could completely ignore the fact that the OP is a HUGE shipper, and i have been the world's most vocal proponent of shipping the particular character with anyone and/ or everyone.

i saw some people ask questions - what's happening, what's the drama, what's the situation? and they believed blindly the first things said to them without even trying to seek the truth or sources for themselves - and i truly mean this was an issue on both sides, for both people who ultimately agreed with me and people who did not.

the people that deliberately misrepresented what was being said, who nitpicked so that they could justify choosing "us versus them" - i ask that you consider, if you can and you would like to, to internalize and reflect how you may be susceptible to situations like this happening OFFLINE.

if ONLINE FANDOM misinformation can rouse such a level of discourse, hatred, fear, and anger over a fanfiction or ship ...what are the implications for REAL LIFE?

are you possibly reading a headline and believing it without reading the full article?

are your political and personal opinions swayed heavily by your peers, rather than being shaped by information and political education?

are you well informed and checking for bias from your chosen news sources?

do you exist in an echo chamber that has actively harmed your ability to understand other perspectives and worsened your capacity for allyship?

we best fight FASCISM when we recognize how we approach the people and issues around us, no matter how small. supporting artistic integrity in your fandom is a low rung on the ladder, but your approach to a sense of community and how news, conflict, and opinions form and spread IS vital.

thank you for reading, and thank you to those who have stuck by me (and by mo) despite the backlash it might have caused you. this has been insane and i look forward to never discussing that fucking fic again, but that doesn't mean we get to turn our heads on how this all turned to shit in the first place.

as a self-proclaimed safe space often characterised by escapism, we owe it to one another to make sure this community is as safe as can be and remains one where we care for one another despite which fictional characters we think should kiss.

#dragon age #solavellan #fandom critical #the silence and the song #tsats #dav #da #da:v #ai art is not art #i'm not sure what to tag this honestly atp i'm just using the same tags as before #propaganda #solavellan critical #question mark #dreadrook #who gives a fuck this is important #solas dragon age #solas #discourse #diskurs

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americaswritings · 1 year ago

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Voices of Roses and Ruin | Part III

Warnings: mentions of violence, mentions of killing, mentions of torture, Coriolanus being himself

Summary: Coriolanus realizes he's still a part of the Capitol's games and that your life is the prize.

Words: around 3k

Pairing: Young Coriolanus Snow x reader

A/N: I never expected this to turn into a story, but here we are! I really hope you enjoy it!! Also I'm halfway through the book now and planning to watch the movie (in English then) again afterwards! I'm so excited!! :)

If you have ideas for Coriolanus oneshots I would love to hear from you (or if you just feel like ranting about the movie, the world of Panem, the characters, Tom Blyth...lol)

Can be read as Lucy Gray x Coriolanus Snow here

Part I | Part II | Masterlist

All Coriolanus had wanted was to follow you that night.

Seeing you in the arena had been painful. Watching them use his voice to torment you had been worse. And thinking he would never see you again had topped it all.

But watching you walk away from him? That was a new kind of pain.

Everyone left Coriolanus life. First his mother and his little sister. Then his father had followed. All he had left were the Grandma'am and Tigris, but it didn't feel that way with them so far away.

But here he could have you, if he allowed himself it. And God how he wanted to. His days as a peacekeeper were dull and lifeless, but you had brought colour and a flicker of hope into his life.

There had never been the choice between you and the scholarship, but suddenly there was and he didn't know how he could decide between the path he had always firmly believed was his and the girl he had never seen coming.

But there too many reasons holding him back. You belonged to different worlds. That would never change.

It was a cruel kind of knowledge.

Every time he tried to forget about you he awoke sweating. You haunted his dreams.

The look of betrayal on your face as you had realized he would return to the capitol. That even after he had admitted they had used his own voice to manipulate you, he would still go back and pretend it hadn't happened. That he was still the same boy.

He dreamed about your body. About sacred moments of peace and quiet the two of you, the outside world forgotten. About your laugh and the spark in your eyes and that you would fall asleep and wake up in his arms.

He dreamed about every scenario involving your death his brain seemed to come up with. Death in the arena. Death because he had manipulated your chances. Death because he had let you go.

When he heard Tigris voice for the first time since he had been sent to the districts over the phone the relief almost made him cry. He wished he could tell her about his conflicted emotions, but he couldn't risk anyone overhearing him.

Besides, he didn't know if he could ever admit to her the true extent of his feelings. It was embarrassing that of all people he had fallen for a weak girl from the district.

But you were so much more than that to him. It was why it had been so painful to watch you go. Because until that moment some part of him seemed to have hold onto the improbable hope that you would start a life in the capitol together.

As the winner of the games he had assumed it could be possible. That people respected you enough that he could be seen with you and that you wouldn't be forced to return to your life of shreds and dirt.

But you had shown him that this was no future you could ever imagine. And just as you weren’t willing to change for him, he couldn’t do it for you either. Even though you loved each other your love was not enough.

But then why did it hurt so much?

"Everything okay?", he asked Tigris to distract himself from his thoughts. It was another worry that made his heart heavy, the one for his family. Their money was still as tight and with him gone there was not much he could do for them now.

He earned too little, could barely pay for his own foot and housing. Was this how the people in the districts felt? Stuck in a constant loop of worry, fear and work that would never pay off? Unlike them he would never accept such a fate. Unlike them he didn’t belong here.

"We're okay." He heard an edge to Tigris voice, "but there's something you should know about."

His posture stiffened and he gazed around, making sure no one was there. "What is it?"

"Everyone's talking about you and the girl in the capitol." His fingers clenched around the steel. "What are they saying?"

"Never in the history of the games did the gamemakers ever do what they did there with your voice." "He was aware of it, so he waited for her to elaborate. "But why use your voice? The voice of her mentor. Why not someone from her family, someone she cares about?"

To hear Tigris say that you didn't care about him, that he was nothing more than your mentor hurt, but he pushed the anger away. "She doesn't really have family left. And she trusts me. So it makes sense."

"Then why did they only use it on her? Why didn't they try to manipulate anyone else?"

He let out an impatient sigh. "I don't know. They didn't tell me they would do it. But it was our task to make our tributes trust us and I was the only one who succeeded."

"But they didn't, Coryo."

Momentarily he forgot what he was about to say and took in a breath. What was Tigris implying? "It was your task to be a good mentor. Get the people's attention and make them root for her. But making her trust you was your decision."

"Didn't you tell me I should do it?" He sounded tired and accusing and he knew his cousin heard it in his voice. "Yeah, but I didn't expect-", she trailed of and he waited for her to continue, frustrated when he realized she wouldn't.

"She really trusts you, you know that, right?" He was growing more irritated with this conversation by the second. "I think I did a good job, if that's what you're asking."

"My God Coryo, that's not what I mean!" She exhaled loudly at the other side. "We all saw how scared she was for you. For her mentor. For someone from the capitol."

Her words were another reminder how different the two of you were. He hated it.

"We all saw that you care about her too. You kept visiting her. You two talked so much even when the cameras weren't near and everyone who was in the same room saw how terrified you were for her in the arena. And then, against all odds, she wins and you disappear without another word."

She was speaking softer now, probably expecting the defensiveness he felt rising in him. She knew him well. "They gave me a task. I did what I had to. That's all."

Tigris was silent for a moment. "Even if it were true, you did your job a little too well. The people are obsessed with it! With you and her, the idea of a love story between a mentor and their tribute. A Snow and the girl from ashes."

Tigris was speaking slowly, like she was afraid she was overwhelming him with the news and her tone was grave and serious. It was the polar opposite to the hope he felt.

It wasn't the narrative he would have chosen, but a story meant attention and attention meant relevance. If it was true and Tigris was right, they couldn't keep him hidden in the districts much longer.

People wouldn't just accept the two of you together, they would demand it.

His lips curled into a smile. He could have never imaged a better way to get out of here and to convince you to come with him. What reason did you have to say no now?

"Then why do you sound so fearful?"

Tigris took in a deep breath.

"It's the people that love it. You know how they are, always looking for gossip and a good story to keep them entertained enough to forget about their own miserable lives. But-", she paused, "the people are not the capitol. Everyone who's got something to say in Panem hates it. It sends the wrong message, Coryo. That the people from the capitol and the people from the district could be equals. The whole point of the hunger games is to demonstrate supremacy and power. They don't want a girl from a district turning into a star and having a sweet little romance with one of their own."

His smile faded. He felt his heart pounding in his chest and suddenly the room was too small, the walls to high. With each second it was getting harder to breathe. The uniform- he needed to get out of this damn uniform!

"Coryo?"

Tigris voice sounded far away as he struggled between losing himself to his fears and keeping a composed and prideful image.

He had realized the situation he was in was far from ideal before, but having the capitol, the very people he needed to impress as his enemy could- no would destroy his whole life!

And yours too.

The future he had just seen before his eyes ruined by words of love.

"What do you think they'll-", he still couldn't catch his breath. He needed these peoples on his side, not against him. How had he ended up here, so useless and powerless?

No! He needed to keep it together! He would get through this, like he always did. He would find a way to make this work for him or if there was none, he would come up with something else...

He was smart and his name still meant something. Snow always lands on top.

"I don't know what they’ll do." Tigris answered his question without him having to finish it. The worry in her voice did nothing to quieten his own. "But it's only a matter of time until they will have to act. I just- I wanted to warn you, Coryo."

He nodded, more to himself than her. "I will be fine." He had regained his composure and his voice was perfectly emotionless.

"I am worried for you. I think they might try to-"

He would never find out, if Tigris suspicions had been right, because before she could finish her sentence the call cut off.

Had they listened again?

Was he even safe here anymore?

Two more days passed before they came for him.

Two days he had spent pondering his choices yet felt no confidence as he stepped in front of the commander. His posture was as straight and effortless as always, so one would have guessed he was secretly far from calm.

He had expected to meet his superior in an official building, something elegant, if that even existed in the districts, but instead he was led to a distant part of a warehouse, where the lights flickered and spider webs hung heavy.

Coriolanus saluted in front of the man, then waited patiently for him to speak. He hoped no one could see past his guard, noticed how fast his heart was beating.

"I was informed about certain rumours circling the streets of the capitol these days. I take it you have heard about them too?"

He gave a short nod, forcing his face to remain blank. The man, who he assumed to be in his late fifties took a step closer. His hair was completely grey, except for one white strand. It gave him an upper look that didn't suit the scenery of the district.

Was he from the capitol? He wasn't dressed like it though; he was wearing the peacekeeper uniform, but something told Coriolanus it was a disguise of his real power. The capitol liked their games.

"So what do you think?"

"I think-", he began, but his voice got interrupted by a painfilled scream. His eyes flickered to the door, but it was locked, either side guarded by a peacekeeper. None of them moved and when he turned back to the commander he simply weaved his hand, urging him to continue.

Coriolanus swallowed, taken off-guard by the noise but pulling himself together. "I think it's just that- rumours. Eventually the public will take an interest in different news."

"Ahh, so you don‘t think such a narrative could have an impact on the political climate both in the districts and the caption? That it could send the wrong image?“

Coriolanus pressed his lips together. “I believe-“, but again a cry disrupted his attempt at an answer. It could not be a coincidence that they had chosen this place to talk to him. It had probably been arranged to shaken his composure and unsettle him. He hated to admit that it worked.

It was probably just a thief, paying for her sins. No one that deserved his attention. Yet it was unnerving, a subtle reminder just how quickly he could manoeuver himself into the same position.

“Oh don‘t tell me that’s bothering you?” The man in front of him raised his brows. “You should be familiar with the sound of traitors. So what is it you wanted to say?“

Coriolanus straightened his shoulders, but this time the sound was louder, clearer. It was a scream that cut through the air and it was one he knew too well.

No.

“Mr. Snow, what was it you were saying?“

He blinked in irritation and straightened his shoulders when he realized his loss of posture.

“I was saying that the capitol could own it. Make it their own narrative. A tribute developing…an infatuation“, he felt sick, “with her mentor could be-“ Another scream. He felt his composure crumble. The man tilted his head. He was silently laughing about him, Coriolanus was certain about it. “…helpful“, he finished, clearly distracted by the background noises.

They sounded too familiar, had been the sound of his many nightmares and a silent fear crept up his spine.

What if this was real? What if it wasn‘t his mind playing tricks on him, making everything about you? Seeing, hearing you everywhere..

“So you affirm that this- infatuation as you call it is one-sided and you hold no feelings for you tribute?“

Coriolanus lifted his chin. “I merely did my job. I earned the public’s attention and got them interested in the games again. I turned a tribute with no chances into a winner.“

“So you‘re saying the girl doesn‘t mean anything to you?“

He put on a smile that didn‘t reach his eyes. “I assure you and everyone in the capitol that I do not have any connection to the girl beyond the mentorship and that I have no interest or care for her fate now that I completed my task.“

He had always tried to mask the truth or bend it when he felt he needed to, but lying was a different kind of game. One he felt he was losing.

He could tell himself he did this to protect you. But the reality was that he didn’t know if he did.

No, he had to think of his own life now. It was better this way. He had helped save your life once. Now it was time for you to walk your own path.

“Coriolanus!“ He flinched. It was too late to pretend he hadn‘t, everyone had seen it, but he couldn‘t not react when he heard your desperate voice calling his name.

This whole time his instinct had told him that he was right. That the sounds belonged to you and this was more than just a set-up to unnerve him.

It was a trap.

“What is this?“ His voice came out too sharp and he willed himself to remain calm, but it was impossible, if you were here and you were hurt.

“Oh, it should not be of concern for you as you just told us you do not have any interest in the girl‘s fate.“

Had he just said that? In his head it had sounded much more- convincing. But hearing his own words reflected back to him just made him realise how pathetic they sounded.

They could not be farer from the truth.

“As her mentor I would like to know what you are accusing her of“, he tried a different approach, but it was senseless.

“Oh but Mr. Snow, she is not your tribute anymore. Like you said there is no connection between you and the girl.“

His commander took a step towards him. “Now tell me, which one is the lie?“

Coriolanus swallowed. It took all of him to stand still and keep himself from running after your voice. His body was trembling from the effort. Too long he had been trapped behind a screen, unable to do anything to help you.

But here he could.

Another scream broke the silence. Despite his will he flinched again and closed his eyes for a moment, willing himself to stay strong, remain unaffected. But with each sound he felt himself losing control and a hatred took over his instinct.

“I personally believe you have been lying to us for a long time now, Coriolanus. I can see it on your face. But I would like to hear it out of your own mouth.“

Another step closer. Another cry.

“Say it.“

Coriolanus clenched his jaw, his hands balling into fists.

“SAY IT!“

His fist connected with the man’s jaw before he could even think about what he was doing. He saw the other two peacekeepers at the door reaching for their weapons, but he was faster and had shot them with his own in an instant.

Without another look at them he ran for the door, following your pleas. His heart was racing as he raced through the corridors and tried to locate where it was coming from.

Hopefully he wasn‘t too late. No, he couldn‘t think like that! Yet the thought of what he might get to see tore at him. He should have acted sooner, he should have- killed these men before they even got the chance to open their mouths. It had been a lost game from the beginning and he was done being their paying piece.

“Coriolanus!“

He had almost made it. Just another room…

Coriolanus pushed it open with so much force that the door crashed against the wall and broke out of its hinges.

Breathing heavily and sweating he came to an abrupt stop and took in the room. It was small, dimly lit, empty. He took a step forward, his eyes fixed on the only thing in the room. It was a table and on it-

A cage with a bird.

Part IV

Tags:

PERMANENT

@capkilljoy @fairytalesforever @hamartocado @choke-me-sweet-pea @sleepinginthegarden7 @thenoddingbunny-blog @ttalisa @hallecarey1 @Not-jay-c @sunwardsss @writingrem-blog @the-pink-petite-princess @wanniiieeee @part-time-patronus @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @theshortegg @not-reptilian @msdrpreist @alisonhepps @hallecarey1 @thatfangirl42 @dustyinkpages @ellabellabus07 @iluvjj @wayward-hunter @sweet-texas-girl @rosie-posie08 @ @olsensnpm @meyocoko @alexxavicry @shhh423 @dumb-fawkin-bitch @jayyeahthatsme @savagemickey03 @alexxavicry @partiallypearl @earthtolottie @gisobsessedwithfanfiction @navs-bhat @AlohaStitch_626 @multi-fandom-lover7667 @xcallmetaniax @esposadomd @halsteadloversworld @girlintheredscarf @randomwriter1021 @joyfulfxckery @crazylokonugget @star611 @anjamagra725-blog @queenofspades6 @alohastitch0626 @kkmikayla @savagemickey03 @guacam011y @k-illdarlings

Add yourself to my taglist!

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inhuman-obey-me · 4 months ago

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Congratulations on the 100k likes!🩵 And happy new year!

Can I ask for 65 with Solomon?

Really love your writing, keep up!

Thank you so much!! ;//u//;

Solomon + 65 | "Rain" - Unprocessed

He shouldn't want this. He shouldn't want you.

For centuries, Solomon has led a rather solitary life. Being the most renowned sorcerer throughout history was a rather isolating existence, one that had garnered him a great level of notoriety in some circles. The Sorcerer's Society begrudgingly worked with him (after having once thrown him out completely), the witches preferred to stay acquaintances and business partners, and the demons … well, most of his demons didn't particularly care for him, for obvious reasons.

He's done more than his fair share of unsavory deeds in his quest for power, in his mission to show that humans could hold their own against angels and demons alike. He had not meant to become immortal, but what better way to utilize his eternal life than to safeguard the human realm in a way only he could? It was a burden he ultimately placed on himself, one that Solomon believed only he was able to carry. So he must do it alone.

Then you arrived.

It happened so quickly, a whirlwind of events that led you to becoming his apprentice — his first apprentice in a very, very long time. You started to spend great lengths of time together, filled with laughs and debates and companionship. He's not sure when exactly it was that you had wormed so deeply into his heart that now it ached anytime you were no longer near.

Solomon watches you now from a distance. The town is bustling on this rainy evening, and he can see you perfectly framed by one of Cafe Lament's windows. The candles and lights surrounding you awash you in a captivating halo-like glow, making you feel even further from his reach. With a wry chuckle, he turns away.

"Solomon!"

He hadn't made it very far before he hears your voice, his heart skipping a beat. He musters his usual smile as he turns towards you, but is caught by surprise as you throw your arms around him.

"Where have you been? I swear it's been so hard to get a hold of you lately." You squeeze him for a moment before pulling back to examine his face. "Is everything okay?"

"Ah, yes, just … been busy with some research projects, that's all." Solomon finds himself wanting to sink into your embrace, his conflicting emotions battling in his chest. No, he shouldn't want this. You deserved better than him.

"Is that all?" You question, eyes narrowing. "Something is on your mind, I can tell."

You had become awfully good at reading him, despite his constant attempts to hide behind his well-crafted mask. But how could he tell you? That he had become dependent on your warmth? That you were too good for him? That he was scared of losing you one day whether to his secrets or to your mortal life, leaving him all alone again?

"It's nothing, really. Just tired." His hand comes up to cup your cheek, thumb brushing away droplets of water on your skin from the light rain. "Sorry if I made you worry."

"Hm." You don't seem entirely convinced, but to his relief, you accept it. "Well then, guess I'll just have to help you get some rest."

Before he can answer, your lips find his in a slow, languid kiss. He sighs into it, his arms coming to hold you close as he gives in. As the world fades away, so do his concerns — right now, all he wants is to feel you in his arms and pretend like you were the only two humans left in the universe. In this moment, at least, he'd allow himself this selfishness.

#admittedly my writing is a bit rusty because it's been a bit #but hopefully you still enjoy this slightly angsty solomon haha #obey me #obey me!#obey me swd #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me nightbringer #obey me nb #omnb #obey me solomon #om solomon #obey me solomon x mc #obey me solomon x reader #obey me fic #writings #the all encompassing [mod] cosmos #100k tears celebration

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poppadom0912 · 6 months ago

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Congrats on 1k!

🍨 Taste -Sabrina Carpenter

With Adam Ruzek or Kelly Severide please!!

A/N: I chose Adam, hope you don't mind. I also mean no hate to him at all, he just made this most sense. Thank you so much for ordering. I've written this after one of the most tiring weeks of my life so I hope this is up to standards. Enjoy!!

🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨

i heard your back together and if that's true

It had been two months since your break up and you'd been dealing with it better than you had been expecting. You weren't crying constantly and your moping lasted no longer than two weeks.

But just because you were fully healed and over your ex boyfriend didn't mean that you didn't feel some sort of way when you found out he had already moved on with someone else.

And this just wasn't any someone, it was his ex girlfriend, the one he was dating before you, the one he told you to never worry about.

You could only scoff when you saw them together at your local café, your sister holding back her laughter when she caught them first.

You'll just have to taste me when he's kissin' you

There was a sick little part of you that had you thinking that, maybe this new relationship was exactly the revenge you needed on him.

You two had been together for nearly three years, being together for such a long period of time that everyone thought a proposal was imminent.

You had done so much together, had accomplished so many milestones together. Without a doubt, you left a significant mark on him and his life that he could never erase.

And you couldn't help but think that maybe you still impacted his life because certain habits of his were clearly influenced by you.

When they were together out and about, they were doing the things you both used to do. There was no doubt that you were an unwilling third person in their relationship.

if you want forever, and i bet you do

He mentioned it briefly before when you first started dating that one of the reasons he broke it off was because she wanted to get married and he just wasn't ready for that yet.

It seems that even several years later, some things never changed.

And you knew exactly how she felt - to be so deeply in love with a single man that its impossible to ask you not to imagine the rest of your life together.

just know you'll taste me too

You couldn't help but smirk at the way Adam's eyes lingered on your table as they were leaving, his girl clearly noticing as her brows furrowed before huffing and dramatically pulling him into a passionate kiss.

His eyes fluttered closed but hers remained firmly on you.

You continued to smile, waving at her with your fingers before sipping your coffee, your sister now openly cackling.

Her response was to angrily stomp out, her hand clawing his bicep as she dragged him outside.

Every time you close your eyes and feel his lips, you're feelin' mine

You watched from afar as time passed, their relationship developing and blossoming but, your 'presence' weighed heavy.

Every time they kissed, whether it be a quick peck or a long make out session in 'private', she always came out unsatisfied, conflict written all over her face.

Your satisfaction only grew. After the break up, you were now thriving but the same couldn't be said for the two of them.

And every time you breathe his air just know I was already there

You couldn't help but think, indulgently, if there was still traces of you left behind. Luckily for you, the tells were very telling.

Adam still using your portable coffee mug, the Lego figure on his keys, the shirts you gifted him still in rotation and the list goes on.

They were living together at this point, and you had no doubt that wherever she went in his apartment, pieces of you were most likely still laying around, forever taunting her.

You can have him if you like. I've been there, done that once or twice

You couldn't understand her obsession.

At first, you somewhat got it. Even you were like that a little bit at the beginning of your relationship, contemplating on his ex due to your insecurities.

But now, this was slightly worrying. Yet, you couldn't stop yourself from feeling a little bit of pride.

If you could confront her somehow, reassure her girl-to-girl that she could have him. You were happy for her to take him off your hands, then you would, one hundred percent, take up the opportunity.

But you enjoyed being one her mind 24/7. It made you feel ways that Adam never had in all the three years you two were together.

You had been with him for more than long enough and life now was better than ever. If she wanted him that badly, then she could have him, no words needed.

And singin' 'bout it don't mean I care. Yeah, I know I've been known to share

One year after Adam and his new girl getting together, you sat in Molly's with someone new too.

It had only been two months, this was all fairly new but you had some hope that this could be good. You were excited about what your future together could look like, the butterflies in your stomach being very much missed.

Mumbling a quick thanks under your breath, you pressed a quick kiss onto his cheek, your giddy smile hidden by the glass rim as he looked at you in amusement but a soft look in his eyes and the warmest smile.

You could feel both pairs of eyes trained onto you as he sat down next to you, his arm going around the back of your chair, his hand resting comfortingly on your shoulder.

"Everything okay?" He asked, noticing you zoning out slightly.

You hummed, softly smiling up at who you hoped would be your boyfriend.

"Yes." You nodded, this man being the only important person as the other two faded into the background. "Everything's perfect."

Jay smiled, pressing a longing kiss on your temple, making you feel all warm and gooey on the inside before resuming his conversation with his brother.

Sipping your wine, all you could feel was the tingling Jay left behind on your lips. All you could taste was him.

#one chicago x reader #one chicago imagine #one chicago fic #onechicago #chicago pd #adam ruzek #adam ruzek x reader #x reader #one chicago fanfiction #chicago pd x reader #jay halstead #jay halstead x reader

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snail-migraine · 1 year ago

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You know I was reading your platonic yandere Malleus story and I thought what if the punishment made the Reader realize how actually suffocating it is to be around Malleus and servants constantly? It's kind of inverse of Malleus, who was always didn't like being alone whereas his child realize how liberating it is to be free from royalty and royal expectations. The child, of course, struggled with cooking and cleaning at first, but slowly got the hang of it and realized this is the most fun and freeing they ever had.

Reader when Malleus tells them that their punishment is over and they can interact with him, the servants and act like a royal now:

Y'know, I like this idea. It gives the story a bit more ~angst~ and I think the yandere tab here on tumblr could use even more of that. Thank you for the asks!

Anon-Yan 💌‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Platonic Yandere Malleus

Part 2

Your punishment itself lasted months, almost years, but Malleus could only bear to keep you in that rickety old tower for so long.

Until he decided to take you out make you "prove" to him that you changed.

You didn't really have to prove to him much, all had to do was give a half-hearted "Sorry" and he would've forgiven you.

Though it wasn't like you didn't change during your time up in the tower. You'd like to think you actually changed quite a bit.

Given that you're not some Manipulative little shit anymore, the servants would also agree.

Due to your time in the Tower you grew to be very self-dependent. You learned how to cook, clean, solve your problems all by yourself. Without the help of your "Loving Father".

You also got alot quieter, having spent the previous months in isolation. You basically unlearned any and all social skills that you had previously built.

While Malleus expected you to change, that being the whole point of him doing this, he didn't expect such a big change in personality.

He thought you were going to remain his precious little baby, who cried and hugged their father. Begging him for forgiveness.

His little baby that thrived off of his attention. Going so far as to become a little troublemaker for it.

Instead you're....this

Don't get him wrong, he still loves you. But where is his precious baby? Now instead of following him around like a lost puppy constantly you stay in your room for hours on end, barely making it out to have supper with him and the rest of the family before slipping away and back into your room again.

What are you even doing in there for so long? He doesn't get it.

He also learns that you've shooed off any and all servants that come to attend to you. While it is good progress for you being a good royal and not needing servants, Malleus doesn't know if he can handle you growing up so fast.

Or at all for that matter.

"Dear, I'm worried about you. You've been hauling yourself up in this dark and dreary room of yours for the past month! And not once have you come out to spend some bonding time with me and the rest of the family. Was I too harsh punishing you? If I was please tell me! If you're upset or angry at me for what I did please just say something, anything!"

Malleus gets desperate when he realizes that you aren't a baby anymore. You don't need him to survive anymore. The fact alone makes him want to cry.

But then again wasn't that how this all started? With you acting like a bratty two year old and needing to be taught how to be both an adult and a royal.

So why then..why are these feelings so conflicting?

Yes, he got what he wanted. You're acting like an actual royal now.

However you barely even speak to him. Your own father!

He can't wrap his head around his own emotions, it isn't until you come up to him and announce your plan of leaving the castle to go venture the world all on your own does he finally snap.

He doesn't even listen to your reasoning he just grabs you by your wrist yet again and take you to your 'new bedroom.'

A room right next his, only accessible to him.

This is the only way he can keep you in line.

This is the only way he can make sure the Draconia name is upheld.

This is the only way he can keep you at his side.

Forever.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this, my child, but one day you'll understand. You'll finally see things the way I do. But until then I'll just have to keep you here and give you all the love I could ever give."

"Sweet dreams, little one."

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nobodysomeday · 2 months ago

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hii so im pretty new here and i kinda wanted to know the tea on jason and why he quit the band? also did he get married or has any kids? i genuinely know nothing about him but that he and robbie didn’t really get along when in the band in the 90s 😬

Hi anon! I am also pretty new here yay <3

Okay. The Orange flavoured tea... btw take all I'm about to say with a grain of salt. I am not an authority. I am just a freak on the internet who finds Jason Orange to be a really fascinating character and reads too much into everything [long post]

Marriage, kids, women

I'll answer the easy part first: no, he's not been married or had kids. Which is a shame because he used to mention wanting that for himself one day. How true that is, I can't be sure. But he seemed very sincere about it when he was young.

His relationships with and attitudes about women are something I could talk about another time, I'm still figuring out how to put it into words. But basically: it's a bit odd.

Why did he quit?

You also asked the big question. You get a big answer.

There has been a lot of speculation over the years around Jason leaving. Was there a falling out? Was it for legal reasons? Is it covering up a scandal? What would possess a man to leave one of the most successful bands to ever come out of the UK?

Coming into the fandom in 2025, we get the benefit of hindsight when we look into the history of Take That. So with Jason, I've actually found the reason for his departure pretty obvious. I doubt there was a falling out, there's nothing those guys can't patch up. I guess I could see legal issues or some other scandal playing a part, but at the end of the day he wouldn't have gone if he didn't want to go. That's the basic answer.

The deeper answer begins with the fact that he wasn't much appreciated during the 90s run. He had a good time but felt out of place, and Gary especially was quite bad at reinforcing those ideas (jokes about his irrelevance, not giving him a chance to sing lead, etc.) So when it came to the comeback, he almost didn't do it.

"It was just total and utter nonsense for me to even contemplate it." (Jason, in Look Back Don't Stare)

"I felt a lot of revulsion about everything. I was so unsure of what I was doing there [documentary screening in 2005] and it was a horrible day. I was stony-faced with absolute fear and totally bewildered by it all... It was a very tense time for all of us, but I felt it the worst... I had no idea whether it was the right or wrong thing to do. I was in no-man's land." (Jason, in Take Two)

"Jason can get a bit down on the whole thing. He can have those feelings of not deserving to be there. I don't think he enjoyed the comeback tour. He was working stuff out about what Take That was... With Jason, he can feel a bit intimidated." (Gary, in Take Two)

He simply did not have the confidence. He was also always uneasy about fame, and at the time of the Ultimate Tour this was one of his concerns because after 10 years away he was on his way to being anonymous. The comeback undid that and he became irreversibly famous. So the ground was laid even before it began. He didn't want to do it in the first place.

And that reluctance carried him through for two albums and three tours. Again, like in the 90s, there is no doubt that he did enjoy it. He loved Take That, and during his time in the band he expressed so much pride. He was often the MOST enthusiastic member. But what made him commit if he was so conflicted in 2005?

In my mind there were three main things that made it happen. The first is friendship, the most fundamental part of Take That for Jason. And with it was the promise of a more equal treatment. They were going to be a proper band this time and all their voices would be heard, both literally on the album and in the collaboration. Not that this ever truly became reality for Jay on the same level as Mark and Howard, but I get the sense that it didn't bother him all that much. Although the way he addresses it in interviews he is somewhat self-deprecating about it.

The second is money. It's very interesting to me that he's the only one to reference this motivation and be honest about it. He brings it up as a joke sometimes, but it is so legitimate. The third thing that made his return happen is this complex part of his personality and psychology that I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out and it basically comes down to the idea of fight vs flight. For some reason, Jason has it in him to tackle big things like this, even when he has every freedom to say no and go with the safer option. I think in the instance of the comeback, the pros outweighed the cons and he didn't want to let the other three or the fans down. So he took the plunge.

And what did that bring? Enormous success. Unfathomable success. He had the money he wanted, and he got the friendship he wanted. With them all more mature they could do the business in a more comfortable way.

"The most interesting aspect for me about being in Take That now is the bond that we're sharing and can share in the future. The fact that we're mates and we're going through life together and meeting challenges together and successes and disappointments, that's the journey and it's brilliant." (Jason in 2008)

I think highlighting the brotherhood is so important in this discussion because in my mind it is the be all AND end all of Jason being in Take That. Meaning it's why he was there, and it's also part of why he left.

Jason loved being in TT4 for those 4 or so years. But he REALLY loved being five again when Rob came back. When they got together for Progress, Jason says his "excitement was invigorated," and when Rob briefly backed out Jason was gutted. In the documentary he talks about how the band "felt whole again." Clearly Rob's presence meant a LOT to Jason. It did for all five of them, it was a really special time, but it perfectly encapsulates Jason's relationship with Take That and his priorities.

If you watch them in Look Back Don't Stare, there's a moment where Jason and Rob have a disagreement. Jason takes an issue with a verse of Rob's and they go back and forth for a bit before Jay quietly gets up and leaves. When he comes back, Rob explains that he felt hard done by the criticism because it'd taken him a few days to write and he was connected to how he'd done it. He also apologises for being defensive. It's that level of understanding and empathy and communication that really affects me when I see it. It's an example of what Jason wanted. He said he wasn't afraid to hit a wall or argue. He wanted it. It was healing.

Progress was a full circle experience. Mark was floating for a year. It was also exactly what Rob needed and it gave him the confidence to return to his solo career. Unfortunately, when Rob left that was all the reason Jason needed to leave too.

So why does he not stay in contact with the others? Why did he disappear? This is a whole other question honestly, with a few different explanations. But I think it's just simply that he wants to leave it behind. He's 54 years old, he wants a normal life with his boring business (which just so happens to make a shitton of money. recurring theme, anyone?). Take That was a chapter in his life and it ended a long time ago. He got the closure he needed, and he doesn't care to be a musician. I think it'd be too distracting and maybe painful to still be around TT3.

Relationship with Robbie

Finally: I understand why people think Jason and Robbie didn't get on in the 90s. As the "wise, level-headed" one, Jason would've found Rob's antics and immaturity annoying. It's also known that Jason felt responsible for pushing Rob out of the band, hence why that reconciliation was so important.

Personally, I think they got on fine, generally. Their dynamic in the band isn't seen as much as the others, and of the Rob pairings it's probably the weakest. They were so oppositional they probably didn't know what to do with each other. Rob thought very highly of himself and was ambitious since the beginning, but he still recognised that Jay knew what he was doing. He was older and actually had the experience. Then as the band took off, Jason settled into his position while Rob was Not Doing That. I think for all his nonchalance, Jason took Take That very seriously. It probably frustrated him that Rob wasn't playing along. Jason also probably held resentment towards him for the fallout his leaving brought. There were serious complications between July '95 when Rob left and February '96 when the band announced the split. It left a lot of broken bitterness. Jason refused to engage with Rob in any form, he never bought his music for instance, but clearly, deep down, he wanted to reconcile. They loved each other. They were brothers. That's how it is with brothers.

#jfc that's like 2k words. I'm so sorry #jason orange #take that #robbie williams #asks #mine #nbsd: text #nbsd: takes

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bunbundubdub · 3 months ago

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Embrace The Darkness - Sylus

The next one in the installment is everyones favorite mafia boss! I hope I didn't make him too ooc, I really tried my best :D TW: cuddling, being tense for a lil bit, Sylus being sappy like the big sappy man he is --------------------------------------

Being with Sylus always made you a little nervous. Not in a scared way mind you. More a 'this man is in fact very dangerous, I haven't seen him snap yet, and I don't think I ever want to' kind of way. You've seen him angrily reprimand his men before after they had messed up, but whenever he was about to lose his temper, his gaze fell back on you, either looking at him with those big, curious eyes, or asleep on the sofa.

These days his men made sure you were at home whenever they brought bad news.

There was also the fact that he just looked so intimidating, not that it was entirely his fault. He was built like a brick wall, but instead made out of well defined muscles that certainly weren't just for show, and he was so damn tall too. No wonder he had complained about his aching neck before, it must be exhausting to always be looking down on people.

Then there was his shiny silver hair and those dark, ruby eyes that seemed almost unnatural. You had always felt and told him so, ever since you had first met him, that especially in this combination, he looked like someone who shouldn't be walking among humans. He almost seemed like he wasn't actually one of us.

For that he had ruffled your hair. "I'll be whatever you want me to be, sweetie." He had said, chuckling lowly with that deep voice of his as you hurriedly tried to fix the damage he had caused.

Early in your relationship you had noticed that above all, Sylus was a very handsy man. Whenever you went out together, his hand was on you, in one way or another. Splayed across your lower back, his arm slung around your shoulders, his hand grabbing your waist tightly and pulling you into his side. Sometimes he even just stuck a finger into your belt loop if you weren't in a cuddly mood.

"It's just for safety reasons, kitten. I am a wanted man after all and I feel much better having you close like this." His explanation made sense, and you didn't feel the need to question it further.

You hadn't gotten to the point of being intimate just yet, though you were hoping that might change in the near future. But with your conflicting sleep schedules, you hadn't even had the chance to simply cuddle. By the time your day was done and over with, leaving you with some time to eat and unwind for a few hours before you had to head to bed again, he was just starting to rouse.

Sylus wasn't a morning person. Would it even be called a morning person if his morning was another persons night? You had asked him that question once and he had told you not to ask unnecessary questions with a chuckle and a kiss to your temple. He was probably just deflecting because he didn't know how to answer.

So, one could only imagine your surprise when you left the luxurious bedroom Sylus had provided you with, still very groggy and tired due to your rough night, only to find the man himself sitting at the dining table. He was dressed in the matching pyjamas you had bullied him into buying and holding a newspaper in one and a cup of coffee in the other hand.

You felt his Evol wrap around your person as you nearly missed the chair due to your eyes refusing to stay open all the way. His chuckle sounded from the side as your head hit the table with a dull thunk. A noise close to a purr threatened to leave your throat when his large hand started to rub the back of your head.

"It's your day off, you don't have to be awake so early if you need more sleep." I could only answer with a grunt, too tired to form a sentence. Some time passed, with you slowly starting to wake up and with Sylus doing his best to lull you back to sleep with his gentle hand now massaging your neck.

"Why are you up anyways?" You had turned your head so you wouldn't just mumble into the table cloth. He folded up his newspaper and downed the rest of his coffee. "I just so happened to be unable to fall asleep as well so I might as well make use of the day and get to stuff I can't do at night." His explanation made sense until you remembered how much sleep he had gotten in the last few days.

From a medical standpoint, he should just be about ready to start hallucinating. You lifted your head and shot him a very unimpressed look. "Didn't you say yesterday morning that you were busy and were 'getting to it tonight' when I asked you when you'll sleep and then you didn't anyway?"

You had been so excited that he would share your sleepy time for once, eager to not just see him in passing or for dinner and a little bit afterwards, so your disappointment was immeasurable when he left you hanging. He at least had the decency to look a little guilty.

"Still I have to…" You shook your head before he finished his sentence. He shut his mouth when you lifted your finger. "The only thing you have to do right now is lie down and sleep before you end up crashing your car or end up walking in front of one because you weren't paying attention. No ifs, no buts, just zzzs."

His lips twitched into a smile at your little outburst. Only then could you really see the broken capillaries in his eyes and the dark shadows under them. He really looked like hell. "You really are insistent, aren't you sweetie?" He weakly protested, yet did not fight it as you pulled him out of his chair and down the hall.

"And you are too stubborn for your own good. Just tell Luke and Kieran what you need done, that's why they are your second in command, yes?" You pulled him further into the base towards his room, intent on tying him to the bed so he would sleep if necessary.

"Alright, alright. I'll indulge you this one time and get some sleep." He allowed you to open the door to his bedroom and even to push him inside, but his hand stopped you when you tried to close the door after him, thinking you had gotten your wish and that your job was done.

"And just where do you think you are going?" Red and black mist coiled around you like a snake poised to strangle it's dinner and with a yank you were pulled into the room and right into his arms. With the way his grip tightened around you, it was clear that he did not plan on letting you leave so easily. Behind you the door closed with a soft click.

His fingers gently traced the apples of your cheeks where your skin had been painted by your blush, by the warmth you felt they must almost resemble his eyes by now. With a sigh he released you, only to pull you along by wrapping your hand around yours.

While your room a few doors down was very luxurious, it was no comparison to the room of the king of the castle. Like the rest of the base, everything followed the dark red and black design, his rugs incredibly fluffy, his furniture made of ebony only and of course there was the bed.

A massive four poster bed that was just as dark as the rest of the room, with a sheer fabric fashionably draped over it. He motioned for you to get to the bed before he turned to his vast collection of records, probably to make resting together a bit more relaxing. You listened to the quiet shh-tak of his slippers as you climbed up onto the mattress and scooted over to the right side of the bed, fascinated by the thick blackout curtains and how efficiently they blocked out the sun you knew had already risen outside.

"Move." It was just a single word, but it still caused your breath to get stuck in your throat. You hadn't noticed the quiet, peaceful music floating through the room, nor that Sylus had made his way to the side of the bed you were occupying, at least not until his sudden voice had suprised you.

Looking at his serious expression, you felt like this was an order, not necessarily a question. His face softened however when instead of scooching over, you laid down as flat as you could and just rolled your body over, almost falling off the other side.

His Evol once again saved your dignity and your butt from colliding with the floor. "For someone this tired, you suddenly have a lot of energy." As if to prove his point, he immediately covered his mouth as his sentence was swallowed by a big yawn. The squeak leaving your throat, as his arm wrapped around you and pulled you towards him once again, was entirely involuntary and the way his body shook under you told you with certainty that he had heard it too.

Sylus was always so incredibly warm. Whenever you stood close to him you could feel the heat radiate off of him as if there was a tiny sun stuck in his chest. And even though this warmth made you so drowsy, your muscles refused to relax. Of course he noticed that as well.

"Would you like me to let go? I don't want to make you uncomfortable, sweetie." His entire chest vibrated with his low voice. You didn't even give him the chance to pull away, immediately grabbing the arm around your waist and wrapping it even tighter around you. "No! I mean…no, you don't make me uncomfortable. I'm just not used to…this and you're so…I mean…" Words were starting to fail you as you tried your best to figure out that he was just so intimidating sometimes and you were just worried that you might not be up to par to him. That you weren't enough to be worthy of his care and affection.

"You really need to work on your habit of thinking out loud." Okay, now you were actually tense. Stiff as a board really. Stiff as the corpse you would currently prefer to be as the mortification of what you had just said out loud set fully in, making you wish for something to strike you down where you lay.

"Yes, exactly that habit is the one I mean." Now he was actually laughing while you wormed your way out of his grasp, wriggling underneath the blanket and rolling yourself into a neat little ball at his feet, hoping that he might not find you again if you made yourself small enough.

Life was not that kind however and instead of dragging you back up, Sylus simply followed you down, letting his hands wander to find your head. Once he had smoothed over your hair, he gave a grunt and the mattress jostled you around until you felt him lie down behind you.

Once again his warmth surrounded you as he molded himself around you, your back pressed tightly against his chest, his legs pressing against yours and his breath carressing your hair as he rested his chin on the crown of your head.

"There is no reason for you to ever be afraid of me. There is nothing you could do to make me angry at you. Life will treat us cruelly no matter what we do, no matter if we are saints or sinners, but I will be sure to always treat you the way you deserve. Nothing bad will come to you as long as I am around, that I can and will promise you."

His words, quiet and gentle, bloomed in your chest like an empty field exploding in color as flowers broke through the earth in a sea of red. Red like the color of blood, the color of danger, the color of love. The color of Sylus. --------------- If you're wondering why he was so rude about having the reader move to the other side of the bed, Sylus is most likely a very paranoid man when it comes to home security and safety in general and his bed is right next to the window. You can probably connect the dots :)

#love and deepspace #lads #lads sylus #love and deepspace sylus

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violetrainbow412-blog · 2 years ago

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Wishes fulfilled [S. R.] birthday wishes pt. 2

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

word count: 7.7k

summary: After an unfortunate event, Spencer questions what he really feels about his childhood best friend.

contains: best friends to lovers, a little angst at the beginning, conflict over feelings, mostly fluff

A/N: A anon suggested there be a second part for birthday wishes and I thought, why not? You can read it as a standalone or as a continuation, tell me what you thought! this makes me very happy:)

The months passed and very soon the Christmas season arrived. There were some allusive decorations courtesy of García and she had even placed a small tree in the meeting room with symbolic gifts under it, one for each member of the team that they could open after Christmas Eve. It was a month full of warmth, love and delicious hot chocolate, but criminals in the United States didn't seem to adhere to that rule so the BAU continued with business as usual.

“She was Abigail Jones,” Garcia began, projecting an image on the conference room screen of a woman who must have been in her thirties. “She was found dead yesterday in her apartment in Las Vegas, in the area of Downtown, with multiple signs of violence, sexual abuse, and a completely disfigured face…” when she said this, she turned away from looking at the photo, with good reason, as it made even the strongest members feel nauseous.

There were two other victims, the same mobile phone and in scattered areas of the city. They were single women, who lived alone and although they didn’t seem to share traits in terms of their socioeconomic level, they were extremely similar physically and that is why Spencer's stomach turned when he realized how much they looked like you. A call to Hotch's phone interrupted the presentation and they all waited for the exchange to end, until after exchanging a few sentences the man spoke.

“It was the police chief. There is a new victim, they just found her in the Summerlin area, in an apartment complex on Pennwood Avenue.”

“At Pennwood?” Spencer asked, turning completely pale as she heard the area where the attack had taken place “Who is she?”

“They haven’t yet identified the body, but she has the same characteristics as the other women”

Everyone was shocked to see the doctor get up from the table and leave the room without giving any explanation, apparently to make a call from his phone. Aaron set the departure time of the jet and after that some members approached the young agent to try to find out what was happening. He seemed very worried, with the device pressed firmly against his ear and his gaze lost.

“What's wrong, Reid?”

“I'm calling Y/N,” he explained, feeling his breathing begin to quicken. “She lives in those apartments.”

The rest of the team seemed to understand, then, the concern that had overcome the man due to the information they had just received. They were also profilers and even with the little that they knew you, they knew that you fit perfectly into victimology, so it wasn’t difficult for them to connect both dots to realize what Spencer's fear was.

The first call had no answer, other than the answering machine, so he called again, again and again until panic took him in its clutches like prey.

“Dude, calm down.”

"She doesn’t answer!" Spencer practically sobbed, feeling like everything around him was spinning and a second later collapsing into Morgan's arms.

"What's going on?"

“Reid fears that the woman they just found is Y/N,” JJ explained to her boss. By this point the entire team was already gathered around the man, sharing the worry that was tormenting him and thinking about the possibilities of everything. The trip to Vegas was longer than usual trips, which didn't help in the least.

Spencer felt a chill when he tried to dial your number again and, just like before, he only heard your pre-recorded voice.

“Okay, listen,” Hotch said firmly, as he approached Spencer and grabbed his shoulders to get his attention. “I'm going to ask the officer to call me as soon as they identify the body, until then I need you to calm down. Do you know if Y/N has any particular signs with which they can tell us now if it is her?”

“Huh, she…” he stammered, struggling to put two coherent thoughts together to answer, “she has a… a mole on her belly, I think. It’s small and red.”

Under other circumstances the team would have mocked him, asking him how he had that knowledge or something along those lines, however, the situation was too delicate to allow for jokes.

“Okay, get your things so we can leave as soon as possible. And again, calm down,” Hotch said firmly, pointing at the agent. “It's not her, Reid. I know it"

Spencer tried to do what his boss had asked, but he kept dialing his cell phone every two minutes hoping to hear a response. He tried to calm down by telling himself that the chances of that body being yours were very low and trying to find in his mind some statistics that would corroborate this, but fear barely allowed him to understand the situation enough to know any information at that moment.

Obviously he was the first to arrive at the jet and he didn't stop trying to communicate with you, until he saw Aaron walk through the hallway with an expression he couldn't decipher.

"She…"

“No,” the man responded immediately. “The victim's name is Olivia Anderson. She’s not Y/N”

Hearing this he let out a breath of air and took a couple of steps until he reached the opposite one, to wrap him in a hug of complete relief. Hotch responded with warmth and a murmur of 'I told you so', which was interrupted by the arrival of the rest of the team.

Even though you still weren't answering the calls, Spencer was able to feel calmer during the flight, enough to analyze various aspects of the case that allowed him to offer valuable contributions for the future. When delegating the commissions, the unit chief was condescending to him and asked him to go to the last crime scene, so that with some luck you could meet and he could make sure that you were okay.

When they arrived in Nevada, the snow greeted them and Spencer adjusted his scarf tighter as he got into the car that Morgan would drive to the crime scene. The walk wasn't long and once there Derek motioned to his partner when the officer arrived to talk to both of them, as if he were permitting him to enter the building instead of staying. Spencer didn't hesitate to practically run inside to look for your apartment, and when he finally found the door with the number 17 he knocked frantically, but when he didn't receive a response he only became more frustrated.

Where the hell were you supposed to be?

He felt a vibration in his right pocket and almost dropped the device from his hand when he answered the call, without even looking at the identifier.

"Hello?"

“Reid, come back here,” Morgan spoke. “Y/N is with me.”

The agent didn't have to say it twice for Spencer to go down the stairs with the same speed he went up them, almost tripping on the way, and when he came out he looked for you in every direction. The snow and the tide of law enforcement personnel blocked the view a bit, but when his eyes finally met yours, you smiled and waved your hand to get his attention. Spencer ran, again, towards you, until he crashed into you in a hug. You were smaller than him and you fit perfectly against his body.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asked in an angry voice, separating himself from you so he could look at you, but without letting go of your waist “I called you at least thirty times and you didn't answer, do you have any idea how worried I was?”

“I, huh… I left my phone at home and I'm just getting back from work, I had no idea what happened. Morgan already told me that there was a homicide.”

“Did you know her?”

“She's my neighbor,” you muttered sadly, looking toward the entrance of the building. “Oh, Crash, this is so horrible. She was… she was very good and kind to everyone. She didn't deserve this."

“I want you to go in there, pack some changes of clothes, and come back here, okay?”

"Why?"

“You will stay with me in the hotel until the case is over,” he ruled, with a tone that gave no room for opposition. “I need to work right now, but while you do what I asked of you.”

“But… I can't just leave my apartment like that, and what about my job?”

“I will talk to your boss and if he refuses, I will charge him with obstruction of justice or I will assign you an escort if necessary, but you are not going anywhere alone.”

You knew perfectly well that, although Spencer was a valuable member of the unit, he didn't have the power to do that, but because of the confidence in his voice you doubted for a second if he would be able to ask someone higher up in the bureau's hierarchy for that favor. You had rarely heard him speak like that, with a mixture of anger and concern, and he had never ordered you to do anything in your life. But he was doing it now, he was giving you specific instructions that wouldn't take no for an answer.

“Reid, we need you here” you heard Derek say from the other side.

"What's going on? Why do I have to leave here?”

“I'll explain everything to you later, okay? For now you go and get your things to call a taxi” he said, a little less agitated than he had spoken at first. Then he, in an unexpected act, gently kissed your forehead “Wrap yourself up, it's freezing out here.”

Although you had more questions, you knew that he was working and that you couldn't interrupt him just because, so you went to your apartment and grabbed a small suitcase to start packing clothes. Your phone was, as you expected, on the kitchen counter and you checked that he wasn't exaggerating with the number of calls he made to you.

When you left there was already a taxi waiting for you, so he just gave you the address of the hotel where the team was staying so you could get there. It was a picturesque place with lots of cheerful Christmas decorations, with a friendly guy as the receptionist. He already seemed to be aware of the agreement and after you checked in, he guided you to the room, where your friend would also be staying.

You didn't understand why it was necessary to keep you there and you hoped that he would call you at some point to clarify the situation, but he didn't. Since you had brought your laptop with you, you took the opportunity to continue working and it wasn't until a couple of hours later, you didn't even know how many, that someone knocked on the door. You didn't open it until you asked who it was and recognized your friend's voice, seeing him standing with his briefcase slung over his shoulder and a tired smile.

“Hello,” you sighed in relief, greeting him with a hug and then pulling him inside. You let him put down his belongings and sit on the bed, while you stood in front of him. “Do you want to explain to me what is happening and why I am here?”

“There is a murderer on the loose”

“That seems obvious.”

“There is a murderer on the loose who killed your neighbor, with characteristics surprisingly similar to yours, both physical and personal” he added and it took you a moment of silence to understand where the matter was going “I just didn't want you to be near there because he could come back"

“Do you think I'm in danger?”

“I don't know, but you're the kind of woman the unsub likes. I wasn't going to risk you”

You nodded your head softly, from your position of crossed arms.

“And what does your boss think about this?”

“He didn't know,” he confessed to you and you opened your eyes widely. “But I told him on the way here and he said to just try to stay out of trouble or Strauss would call him out on it. It's just that I... panicked, okay? When the police found Olivia's body they had not identified it and… I was afraid that it was you”

Suddenly all the calls and his face contorting into a grimace of relief when he saw you made sense to you, because at this point you hadn't even realized how much you and Liv shared. But Spencer had done it, that was his job after all.

“But I'm fine,” you said reassuringly, as you knelt in the space between his legs and met his gaze. “I’m safe, okay?”

“Did you see anything suspicious in the last few days? Anything that can help?”

“I don't think so, I spend all day at work” you lamented “I'm sorry.”

“Don't worry,” he reassured you, giving you a tired smile.

You knew your friend and you knew beforehand what stress did to his body, like those horrible migraines he had started to get or the dark circles under his eyes, and now his body language was screaming at you that something was still bothering him.

“You should sleep,” you suggested, reaching out with one of your hands to place it on his cheek. Spencer didn't complain, instead he closed his eyes and turned his head slightly so he could rub his skin against your outstretched palm.

It took you by surprise when, just a second later, he leaned down to grab your waist and help you get up from the floor. You were about to ask what he was doing when he maneuvered himself again until you were sitting on his lap, your legs dangling next to his and his arm wrapped tightly around your lower back.

“So we're cozy now, huh?” you scoffed, trying to mask with a smile the blush that had already spread across your face at the position the man had placed you in.

Spencer was a great lover of physical contact, contrary to what many might think, although this depended a lot on the person he was with. It had taken you months of effort to get a handshake and only as the years went by did, he begin to enjoy hugs with you. But after so much time you had gotten used to it and that's why the man became all clingy with you, after all it wasn't very common for you to see each other, which didn't bother you at all.

However, him holding you like that felt completely different than usual. You had only felt those butterflies in your stomach when, on his birthday, you had been so drunk and tired that you ended up sharing a bed. You had to admit that you liked him more than you should, waking up sheltered by his body, between a tangle of limbs and feeling the rise and fall of his calm breathing; and when the thought of having more nights like this crossed your mind you suppressed it immediately, feeling tremendously guilty about it.

But this wasn’t a product of alcohol or fatigue, but rather Spencer had done this of his own free will. His hair curled at the tips and you took the opportunity to gently brush some pieces off his forehead, while he watched you in complete silence.

“I don't know what I would do if something ever happened to you.”

His confession was barely a whisper that tickled your cheek, said with such sincerity that he took you by surprise. You couldn't measure the fear that had brewed in your best friend's chest that morning and that's why you couldn't understand his need to have you physically close, as he wanted to make sure you were there with him and not brutally murdered on a bed in the morgue.

A sigh of tenderness left you and you immediately pulled him close to you to hug him, feeling your hip fitting into the curve of his stomach and his face close to your neck, like he always did.

“Is that why you are like this? Baby, you don't have to worry about me. I already told you I'm fine."

“I know,” he murmured. “But I can't help it.”

“Well, you'll have to try it.”

“How do you want me to try something like that?” he exclaimed, separating from you so he could look into your eyes, and keeping the minimum distance between you two “I can't. I will always worry about you, you are my…” the words were cut off, because he didn't think there was a word that encapsulated well enough what you meant to him, but also because he was momentarily distracted by your lips; why was he getting distracted by them?

“Best friend in the whole world and sole owner of your heart?”

“Something like that,” he responded, laughing for the first time that night, and as he did so his face only moved closer to yours. He was strangely nervous about your presence and didn't know why, so he didn't help much when you leaned against his body so he could hold you better. Spencer just hoped your ear couldn't pick up the increase in his heartbeat.

“We should be able to stay like this forever,” you muttered absently, and although you didn't mean to be serious the words hit the man worse than they should.

For a moment he contemplated the possibility of actually staying with you forever and then he realized it wasn't an idea he disliked. From an early age every time Spencer thought about his future you were in it, but he hadn't thought about the role he wanted you to play. You had been friends for so long that he didn't believe there was anything more to your relationship, however, he was very wrong.

Was holding you like that awakening something in him that he didn't think was possible? Or was it the fear of losing you that made him realize that he would rather die than spend a life without you? No book or statistical study gave him an answer to what he was feeling and, to be honest, that terrified him.

He knew that you had tried to have a relationship with several men throughout your life, but none of them had managed to progress beyond a few months, due to one reason or another. However, Spencer wondered how long it would take for you to finally find love and if he could stand to see someone become your priority. It's not that he was jealous or possessive, just that he had been used to being someone important in your life for too long to accept the change from one moment to the next. He would always be happy if you were happy, but it made him sick to think that you would end up marrying someone completely unworthy of your affection and admiration; someone who didn't deserve the best woman of all. And as if it were an epiphany, Spencer realized that he wanted to be that man.

He needed it.

“We have to sleep,” he murmured, gently patting your back, because he was afraid that if you stayed like this any longer his mind would travel to some other inappropriate ideas. “Sleep on the bed, I'll sleep on the floor.”

“The bed is big enough”

“It doesn't matter, you use it,” he murmured. You had already stood up and were playing absentmindedly with the long sleeve of your blouse, without stopping to look at him.

"But…"

“I don't want to have this discussion today, okay?” the man had already taken some pillows and was spreading a sheet next to the bed. You, resigned, climbed up to the mattress and remained to kneel on it, watching your friend arrange his place.

“How many days will you stay here?”

"We don’t know yet. With some luck it will only be until tomorrow."

“You should visit your mom,” you murmured. Among so many emotions, Spencer had barely had time to think about Diana, at least until now that you had mentioned her, and he felt a pang of guilt. “It's almost Christmas, it would be a nice gift.”

“I think you're right,” he smiled. Things were ready and although he enjoyed talking to you now he felt extremely tired, so he just wanted to go to sleep. “Rest, okay? We’ll talk tomorrow"

“Good night,” you replied, smiling tenderly at him. An unexpected urge to lean in and steal a kiss grew in Spencer, which he tried to shake off of himself.

Without saying anything else he walked to turn off the light and then came back to lie down on the blanket, trying to sleep. When he was about to get it, he felt your arm fall over the side of the bed and your hand groping for any part of his body you could hold. In the end it was his hand that held yours and he couldn't see your blushing cheeks when he left a kiss on the back of it, nor his mischievous smile.

He knew when you had fallen asleep by the decrease in the strength of your grip, but although he tried to imitate you he couldn't do it. His mind continued to be tormented by the impulses that had invaded him that night, trying to find what reason was behind it, but also wondering how bad it would be to carry them out.

A little defeated, he got up from the floor, but not before carefully placing the hand that was holding you on your chest, and he went to see the landscape through the bedroom window. Snowflakes were falling and the lights of the casinos illuminated the view, reminding him that Las Vegas never slept, adding to these the colorful Christmas trees installed everywhere. In his family Christmas wasn’t celebrated conventionally, as it was just him and his mother having dinner ordered from a restaurant. There were gifts, they were almost always books or objects related to science, but he didn't make sense of the idea of warmth and love that revolved around the holiday. Until one time your family invited him to celebrate, he was finally able to understand that Christmas magic that everyone was talking about and from then on it was his reference for the celebration.

After staring at the window for a while he focused on the vision of you lying on the mattress, sleeping in that strange position that you always used to, and he asked himself how many years it was that he had been in love with you and how it was that he had never noticed it.

He let out a sigh that showed resignation, but also tremendous fear, and finally retraced his steps to pick up the blanket and pillows from the floor. He climbed onto the bed, knowing that he wouldn't be able to sleep otherwise, and he lay down next to you, trying not to make any movements that would disturb your calm. The last thing he saw before falling into morpheus’s arms was your peaceful face, and even when he slept his dreams were filled with your smile.

The unsub was successfully caught, just as he had predicted, the next day and that was when he could breathe easy again. You were no longer in danger, outside of the usual danger that a woman from the United States faces, so you could return to your normal life without any problems.

Once you were back at your apartment Spencer said goodbye, promising that he would see you again soon, and heeded your advice about visiting Diana. He asked Aaron if he could stay in Vegas, after all the Christmas holidays were right around the corner and he made the excuse that he could come back if a new case came up. When the boss granted his request he wasted no time and headed to Bennington Sanitarium while the rest of the team headed to Virginia on the jet.

When he arrived good news about his mother greeted him, all referring to the improvement she had with the new medication, and when the doctors' report was finished they took him to the room where she was. Diana was reading to another patient and Reid smiled lovingly at the sight, a smile that was reciprocated when his mother noticed his presence.

“My child, I didn’t expect your visit,” she murmured, while she received the man in her arms.

“There was a case here and I decided to stay with you for a few days, if that's okay with you.”

“Of course it's okay with me, do you think I wouldn't want to see you?” she smiled, patting his face and hearing him laugh.

Both of them moved to her bedroom where they shared stories that she hadn’t read in the letters or that deserved to be deepened now that they were together. Her mother talked to her about how she had been feeling, some workshops she had taught and new people who had joined and she had befriended. He was very happy to see Diana so happy and lively, contrary to other visits where the circumstances had been more unfortunate.

The talk was interrupted by a nurse bringing dinner to Diana and a portion of contraband for Spencer, who was extremely grateful. In the middle of the silence of dinner his mind returned to you and when he looked at his mother, he knew that if anyone could give him good advice it was her.

“Mom, can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course,” she replied, pushing her food aside so Spencer could sit on the bed with her “What is it?”

“Well, huh… I guess you remember my friend Y/N, right? My God, of course you remember her” he answered himself, knowing that he was always talking about you in his letters “The fact is that I… I have felt weird with her since my birthday.”

“Weird how?”

“I don't know, like… different,” he murmured, not knowing if that would be the right word for the nature of his feelings.

“You don't want to be her friend anymore?

“Quite the opposite, actually,” he murmured nervously. He considered it prudent to explain the situation that had arisen from the case and about your stay with him during these days, so that his mother could understand the fear that he had suffered, before continuing talking “And last night when I got to my room and she was there I felt… I don't know, I don't even know how to say it. I only felt enormous relief to see her well and I wanted her to always be well."

“Well, you grew up together. It's normal that you worry about her, you guys are almost like family”

“But I can't see her like that,” he interrupted her. He hated her comparison, because he knew what brotherly love was and it was definitely not how he felt about you “I think I'm in love with her. No, I know I'm in love with her. And I… I'm scared”

Diana's attentive eyes studied her son and Spencer didn’t know how to interpret her silence, until he felt his mother's hand placed on her knee and saw a smile appear on her face.

“Oh, my boy… Why are you afraid to love?”

“I am not afraid to love. I'm afraid of not being loved”

That was. Spencer wasn't afraid of having those feelings, but rather he was afraid that they wouldn't be reciprocated. If he confessed things to you, he risked having the greatest romance in his life or being cruelly rejected by the best friend he had ever had.

Diana cupped her son's face with both hands and gave him a compassionate smile.

“You are, for more years than you can think,” she exclaimed, with complete confidence, and the man frowned in confusion.

"How do you know?"

“A mother notices those things, son,” Diana laughed. “Even one like me.”

Would his mother be telling the truth? He wasn't the best at reading social cues and that was clear, so he didn't know the difference between friendly behavior and one that held another interest when it came to you, but he doubted for a second if Diana was the best person to interpret those signs. He didn't even entertain the possibility that you had feelings for him, I mean, you were so pretty and funny and cool and he… well, he was just him.

“Are you going to tell her?” she added, noticing that he had remained silent.

"I should?"

"Sure! If not now, when will you do it?”

"But I…"

“But nothing,” she interrupted him. “I want you to go find her and tell her.”

"Now?!" Spencer screamed, feeling his mother get up and push him to the exit. “But mom…”

“When will you be in Las Vegas again?” she pointed out “I'm not going to leave here, you can come back tomorrow.”

"But it's too late"

“So what, Spencer? “Do you think I don’t want to see you married before meeting the creator?” Diana insisted and the man opened his eyes widely in a mixture of surprise and amusement. “The sooner the better. Go tell her, come on. And it would be better if you come back tomorrow that she will accompany you.”

Spencer watched her from the hallway for a few seconds and at the woman's security he felt a certain emotion, letting fear be replaced by pure motivation for the first time. He nodded and took a couple of determined steps toward the exit, but then he stopped and turned to wrap his mother in a tight hug.

"Thanks, Mom. I love you”

“I love you more,” she smiled. “Now go.”

Spencer left there completely determined and took the first taxi he saw to take you to your apartment, with his heart beating like crazy all over his chest and his mind busy searching for the words with which he would profess his feelings for you.

Inside your apartment you let out a squeal when you heard the microwave announcing that your reheated food was ready and you rushed there to return as soon as possible to see David Tennant's hottie in a trench coat. You had to admit knowing Doctor Who, at first, had been against your will, but now it was an acquired taste that you quite enjoyed and accompanied you on your sleepless nights. After a few seconds you returned to the living room with your burrito in your hand and just when you were about to play the Christmas special when someone knocked on your door, startling you a little.

“Mrs. Jensen, is that you? I already told you that I haven't seen your cat around here” you half shouted, without opening the door, but there was no response “Hello?”

“It's me,” said a fairly familiar voice. You thought you were wrong so you opened the door just a little and through the chain lock you could see that, indeed, it was your friend.

"What are you doing here?" you asked, opening the door fully. “I thought you were going back to DC.”

“I changed my mind” he replied and until then you noticed that he was holding a bouquet of tulips decorated with a white bow, which he extended in your direction for you to take. That only added to your confusion.

“Wow, I… Thank you?”

“Can I come in?” He asked timidly and as soon as you scooted to the side he walked into the apartment, not looking at you.

"Everything's fine?"

"No. I mean, yeah…” he stammered, looking you up and down. You were wearing thermal pajamas with a Christmas print and you were without shoes, with a messy bun holding your hair. “Did you like them?”

"What?"

“The flowers,” he pointed out.

"Oh yeah. They are beautiful” you smiled, looking at them carefully. There was a good number of red tulips, some open and others were just a small bud. “What are they for?”

“I didn't want to arrive empty-handed,” he lied. “I got them at a flower shop near here, a very sweet old woman sold them to me.”

“Well, thank you, then,” you smiled and he responded in kind, but then he didn’t speak again. You were just observing him, not figuring out what was causing his strange behavior. “Do you want to sit down?”

The flowers ended up in a vase on the counter in the kitchen and when you returned he was already sitting on the couch, legs together and hands on his knees.

"And how are you?"

“Well, I was about to eat something while watching the Doctor Who Christmas special,” you told him. You expected him to start ranting about fun facts or the story or the actors or anything, but he just smiled at you understandingly and stayed silent. “Is your mom okay?”

“Yes, she is. I was having dinner with her a while ago, but... I thought I'd come here because I want to tell you something important."

Oh, you thought, there's the real reason for his nocturnal visit.

"Yeah? What is it about?" you asked, slightly worried about whatever he had to say.

Everything he had thought about in the car seemed to have been erased from his memory and now Spencer didn't even know where to start. He had only confessed these kinds of feelings to two people in his life and neither of those times had turned out well, so he didn't know what to expect.

“Okay, I'm going to tell you, but you have to promise me that you will take it in the best way, okay?” he asked and you nodded. "And this won't change anything between us if you... if you don't agree with what I'm going to tell you."

“Hey, you're scaring me,” you joked nervously, but when you didn't hear him laugh your fear became genuine. “Is something wrong? You know you can tell me anything.”

“It's not a bad thing. Well, not unless you want it to be.”

“Well, tell me then,” you encouraged him kindly, with a smile that provided him with the courage he needed.

You were so pretty and he just wanted to kiss you to death.

“We've known each other for practically our entire lives, right?” he began “I still remember the first time I talked to you. And I don't speak figuratively, but I really remember it, it's one of the things from my childhood that my brain didn't throw away. I had been watching you from the window because you went out to your yard to spread a blanket to play with dolls and cars and all kinds of things. Sometimes you jumped rope and other times you kicked the ball and all I could think about was how you could have so much fun being alone. I mean, I was just reading and studying things with my microscope and you know, nerdy things” he murmured, letting out a short laugh “Until one day you knocked on my window and asked me if I wanted to play with you.”

“My mom told me to do it,” you confessed, “Well, I suggested it, but she encouraged me to do it. It always made me sad to see you there and I thought you were just too shy to come over and play.”

“But no one had ever done that. Include me in some activity, I mean. Everyone made fun of me at school or called me weird, but not you, not even when I deserved it. It made me happy that a girl like that wanted to be with me and even though you had too much energy, somehow I could keep up with you. When we grew up I thought you would just get bored of me, but that wasn't the case and even when I was promoted in grade you stayed in contact with me. You were there when mom got worse and I had to send her to that sanatorium and yet your family treated me like I was your own family. You have always been there for me and you have made me feel less alone in the world, and I don't think I have ever thanked you for that.”

“Oh, Crash,” you smiled, a couple of tears gathering on your eyelids. “You don't need to do that. I have done everything because that is what friends are for.”

“But I don't want to be friends,” he said immediately and your expression changed to a worried one at that moment. The silence between you made you imagine the worst, but it was only because he was gathering the courage to continue “To me you are something else.”

Your face contorted into another grimace, but this time one of surprise and confusion.

"What do you me…?”

“I'm in love with you,” he spat. This time all his years of training were of no use as he tried to decipher your expression. “And it's okay if you don't feel the same way about me, I'm not asking that of you. I just want you to know that the day I got here for the case I... I was going crazy at the mere thought of someone hurting you. I didn't realize that you meant everything to me until that moment and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. That night I just wanted to hold you and keep you safe for the rest of our lives and although I don't have much experience, I think that's what love feels like. I have always loved you, only now it is a different love. And I'll understand if you don't feel the same way about me and I just misinterpreted things, but please, if that's the case, just let me stay your friend because I don't think I can handle messing things up. I don't ask you for anything more than that, that whatever you feel, things don't become uncomfortable just because of what I just told you."

There were a few seconds of silence and then he finally dared to look at you. You were stunned, with your gaze lost and your lips parted. Years of friendship passed before the man's eyes, who interpreted your lack of conversation as a rejection of his feelings, and he felt his heart break a little. From the beginning he was aware that this possibility existed, but now that it had materialized, he realized that perhaps he wasn’t ready.

But then your eyes met his and he felt your hand reach out to his, which was already shaking slightly.

“Your hands are cold,” you observed, sliding a little on the couch so you could take both of his limbs. Spencer followed your movements carefully and could see how you brought both hands to your lips to place a kiss on his knuckles.

“Is that all you have to say?”

“I actually have too much to say, I just don't know how,” you confessed.

“You don't have to lie to avoid hurting me. I already told you, it's okay if you don't feel the same."

“Spencer Reid,” you said sternly, thus forcing him to look at you. “Stop saying that.”

“So it's not like that?”

“Of course not, why would you think so?” You mumbled, really waiting for a response that never came. You watched him carefully, trying to memorize all his features, while you reflected on how much he had changed in front of your eyes and how he was still the same scared little boy from the window.

“Because… I don't know, there has never been someone who loves me the way I am.”

“Oh, Spencer,” you murmured condescendingly, “I've loved you since you were an ugly kid with glasses who couldn't stop talking about science, what other proof do you need?”

He definitely wasn't expecting that answer and that's why he started laughing; not like a soft laugh, but a loud, euphoric laugh.

“Why do you call me ugly kid?”

“You were!” You defended yourself, accompanying him in his joy. You had probably ruined the most romantic moment of your life, however, it was worth it to see the man laugh like that. And after all you were still his best friend, it was your job to joke like that “And yet I liked you, you can't imagine how much. Then you grew up and became this perfect prototype of a boy and you were so focused on your studies that I thought you weren't interested in me, at least in that way. But you were my friend and I was happy like that, I always have been. I tried to bury those feelings because I was also afraid of ruining things, but now you come to tell me all this, and I just don't believe it."

"Are you serious?" he asked, trying not to get overwhelmed by the fact that you had just called him perfect and that you were confessing to him that you had been feeling what he was feeling since you two met. When you nodded, another laugh escaped him as he thought that, after all, his mother had been right.

He had to take a moment to digest the situation. You loved him, you really did, and things weren't ruined. He felt foolish thinking about how long you had been keeping this quiet and how he hadn't noticed, but he concluded that if he had found out at another time he probably would have freaked out and things would have ended very differently, a result he would regret for the rest of his life.

Your hands were still joined and Spencer began to rub his thumb against the back of them, feeling the luckiest to see you smile at him that way and knowing the reason for that expression.

“Is that why you brought me the tulips?” you exclaimed in a sweet voice. You should have sensed it before but only now did you realize that detail.

“Yes, I wanted to surprise you,” he replied, quite satisfied with himself. “I thought about them because, in fact, in the language of flowers, tulips symbolize hope, sincere love and prosperity, but depending on their color the meaning can be transformed. Red tulips, in this case, are ideal for a statement and express unconditional love.”

You let out a gentle laugh, feeling nothing but tenderness at his reaction.

“There's my usual boy,” you said with a proud tone, reaching out to leave a loud kiss on his cheek. Something in Spencer stirred when he heard you call him yours and that desire to kiss you returned, this time with more intensity than before.

"And then?" he asked in your direction. With your eyes you asked for a more complete explanation of what precisely he was referring to “Do you accept me? Do you accept my love?”

“Of course I do,” you replied obviously, giving him that confirmation he needed.

“And if I asked you something serious for us right now, what would you tell me?”

You looked at him for a second, looking for a sign of lying on his face, but when you didn't find it, you smiled, your cheeks completely blushing.

“I would tell you that I would have liked to be more prepared. I'm in pajamas and I smell like a burrito, I think I've looked better."

"It doesn’t matter. "I can take you on a date later, in a nice and elegant place, like you deserve," he murmured excitedly, stopping holding one of your hands to place it on your face. "But only if that's what you want."

“I do, handsome,” you smiled, sliding your hand to surround his wrist. “It's the most definitive yes of my entire life.”

You had dreamed of this moment for a long time, but you had never believed it could come true and now that it had, your heart was overflowing with joy. He was smiling from ear to ear and you suddenly realized that his eyes traveled momentarily to your lips. You saw him swallow, undecided about the next move, so you decided to save him a little effort and reached out until your lips collided with his.

You took him by surprise and although at first it felt strange to be doing that with him, almost as if it were wrong, after a couple of seconds the contact relaxed and you knew that you no longer wanted to kiss lips other than his.

With every second he caressed you in a deeper and more needy way, very different from what you had expected, even his hands took you firmly by the waist to keep you as close to him as possible. He tasted like years of mutual longing and mint gum and it had you completely giddy. You separated only when it was vital to take a breath and then you continued kissing, already addicted to a drug you had just discovered.

“You're so pretty,” he sighed against your lips, allowing himself to compliment you now that he knew you reciprocated. “So, so pretty. And so sweet to me” he recited between kisses, each one gentler than the last “You are perfect.”

“Reid, stop it,” you asked him, feeling nervous from hearing him talk to you like that and feeling him kiss you like that.

"Why? That's what I think. I've always thought so” he smiled, separating himself from you just to enjoy the sight of your beauty, and then he gently caressed the side of your head “I love you” he said.

Your cheeks already hurt from smiling so much and yet you managed to give him that vision again, and how could you not? The man of your dreams was telling you that he loved you.

You leaned in again to kiss him, this time more briefly and delicately, and then you looked into his eyes.

“I love you too” you confessed.

And both of you knew that you didn't need anything more than that.

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