#they could have ben ships passing in the night a memory of someone to forget later

[trashlie]

I HAVE WAITED AN ENTIRE MONTH TO MAKE THESE! I HAVE BEEN SITTING ON THIS STUPID IDEA FOR FOUR WEEKS. PLEASE. ENJOY THESE LMAO 

i’m alkfjFLJAFJAFKJLKAJFLKJFKjfkjafkjakjfjkaf you know? 

[amazingdriverfics]

Hi! I have a new Kylo Ren requests: after he turned back to Light and therefore became Ben Solo, he and his love start a new life on a distant planet (maybe Tatooine) where neither the Resistance or First Order can find them. They get married and start a family. I can imagine how happy Ben is when his wife tells him that he's going to be a dad and they'll be having twins ❤️❤️

A/N: hey love, how are you doing? I’m so glad you like the things I write for you, it means a lot to me.

I hope I was able to capture what you were hoping for and I’m also sorry that it took me this embarrassing long time to finish your request, I hope that the quality pays off for it. Anyways, hopefully you will like it as well as everyone who is taking their time to read this. Thank you all.

Warnings: a bit of angst, nothing too much, is basically just fluff.

My masterlist

Ben watches the two suns rise up in the sky with a sense of peace spreading through his body, not too long ago he was stuck in a spaceship watching endless halls with the same colors, watching the Galaxy and never being able to know what time it was just by looking at it since the view was always dark, only with some stars to bright things up, bossing the same bucket faces around without even bothering to know their names, their age or anything at all that made it clear that those stormtroopers were alive, that way, it was easier to kill them in a tantrum or just because he was bored and had nothing left to do.

He still remembers the moment when he decided to leave Kylo Ren in the past, knowing that it was the only way to be able to feel alive again, able to breathe without fearing his past, his enemies and of course, fear losing y/n. The moment he first saw her in the interrogation chair, Ben felt something from his Jedi years coming back to him, he felt light strongly once more, he felt like she could give him something to live for, not to kill for as Snoke had given him. As the days passed and y/n joined him in the First Order, a new kind of worry started to haunt him, as Kylo he was always vulnerable to possible attacks, no matter how strong with the Force he was, there wasn’t a way to be sure that he could effectively protect y/n, the resistance kept on attacking whenever they could and even inside the Order, Kylo wasn’t completely sure that he could trust his subordinates.

And if that wasn’t reason enough to abandon that place of grief, pain and death, y/n kept on remembering him of who he truly was, of the light inside of him, that no matter how hard he tried to suppress kept on tearing him apart, begging for him to come home, to leave all that nonsense he had putting himself through on the past, to accept that Ben Solo would never really die and that this was for a bigger reason, that the Force had plans for him that could not be changed.

The decision was made slowly, it started to come to his head when he would lay by her side in the bed talking about their dreamt future, about how they would raise their kids freely, how they would be able to discover themselves without too much pressure or abandonment, how they would have domestic moments when they would cook, clean, sing, dance, shower together, how they would have a small garden where they would plant some herbs. At the time, Kylo had not really thought that he would have enough courage to leave the Order behind, but the realization he had that he would never be able to give y/n all the nice things she wanted and dreamt about as long as he was the Supreme Leader caused him too much pain. And of course y/n knew that too and despite wishing that someday he would leave it all behind with her, she also knew that as long as she was by his side, she would be right where she wanted to be, right where she belonged.

Little by little, Kylo started to be more confident in himself and also more aware that he didn’t belong in the First Order and that he had to do something about it and y/n had all to do with that growth. Every night, she would listen to him as he talked about his joys, fears and hopes, reassuring him that she would go wherever he wanted to go, she would also hold him tight when the memories of the years of abuse he had suffered came back to haunt him, remembering Kylo that he was loved, safe and in the arms of the woman he loved. It took five years since he got her back to make the call and he would never forget the way her eyes shone with happiness when he told her that he was ready to leave Kylo in the past.

It was tricky to get away, Ben knew that neither the Resistance or the First Order could be able to find them, and he also knew that he would have to live somewhere people didn’t really knew his face, after all, he had committed horrible crimes and terrified thousands of souls with his red saber, bringing death and destruction upon thousands all throughout the Galaxy. Y/n and him made an infallible plan, which they had studied over and over again, making sure that it didn’t have a single flaw. It happened during a night, he had sent most of the troops away and given the generals a lot of work as y/n got the tracker off one of the Order ships, which they would trade for an old ship in some deserted planet before escaping to Tatooine finally.

If he closes his eyes and thinks about that moment, Ben can still feel the way y/n’s arms hugged him when they finally made it to Tatooine, when they finally realized they were free from the past and ready to start over. He kneeled in front of her in that exact moment, the golden ring he had bought her two months before in his hand as he asked y/n if she wanted to spend the rest of her life loving him.

The start of their stay in Tatooine was hard, they didn’t know anyone and were still a bit scared to meet someone from the Order, the Resistance or anyone who could possibly ruin their cover ups. Y/n started to work first in a small bar, serving customers and getting a very low payment that was barely enough for them to pay the bills. Ben took a bit longer to become confident enough to work and he started helping in a mechanic shop about six months after they first arrived on the planet. Slowly, they built a life there, making some friends - not so many -, buying a house, starting to plant a small garden, getting a pet and rediscovering themselves as people who didn’t have to deal with the pressure of ruling a reign of terror.

Their marriage took place three years after they arrived, it was at their small house with some friends that were glad to join and watch the ceremony. That was the happiest day of Ben’s life, he cried through most of it, but there was no way he could keep it together as she walked into the living room holding some flowers from their garden and wearing a white dress she had bought just for the occasion - nothing too expensive, of course -.

“Ben?” he hears her hoarse voice coming from behind, she would always get scared when she woke up alone in their bed, fearing that the worst had happened.

He turns around quickly, taking in the sight of his wife, her bare feet on the sand, her hair a bit messy from sleep, but shining in the light of the suns, her beautiful smile adorning her features and her body covered in a pink pajama Ben had given her not too long ago.

“Sorry, love, I wasn’t able to sense you were waking up, I was remembering how we got here” he says truthfully with a kind smile to her, just her presence making him feel better than before as she always made him feel.

“It’s okay, darling” she replies before making her way to him, step by step getting closer. As she stands before him, she takes her hands to the side of his face, kissing his lips gently. Once she parts the kiss, her y/e/c eyes look directly into his. “I have the most wonderful news”.

“And what would that be?” Ben asks in a joking tone, ready to hear about her being able to cook some recipe she had been dying to cook for a while.

“We need room for two” y/n states.

“We need what?” he questions, his beautiful face showing confusion.

“We need to make room for the twins, darling”.

In this moment, he finally understands, their dream is finally ready to be complete.

He starts crying in the same moment, joy and excitement pumping through his veins. Ben doesn’t think twice before hugging y/n, holding her tightly into his big arms, whispering countless “I love you”s into her hair, feeling as her tears also fall onto his skin, feeling her happiness as if it was his own, their connection through the Force the strongest it had ever been. At this moment it is as if they are one.

There is nothing in the Galaxy that could take Ben away from their family - about to become larger - and away from their small home in Tatooine where they will grow old together, surely loving each other as hard as they ever have.

[soulwillower]

long way home • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

requested:  please please please do a richie x reader about long way home by 5sos

warnings: nothing really, some mentions of canonic trauma but its really vague and underaged drinking

i was happy to write this bc it def got me out of my slump! lmk if yall want more fics

(also i loved 5sos so much back when the self titled album came out in like 2014. i was such a huge fan in middle school so this was so nostalgic to write!!) 

[reader + losers are in their first year of college, set around early summer 1995.]

2.9k words

♡

"i don't really know what else to do. we have an hour and a half until we meet everyone." you say, breaking the momentary silence that had fallen upon the car after bev had climbed out the back. you hum, settling back against the passenger seat, head lulling to meet richie's gaze.

 you can't help but smile. he's looking at you - just staring, fingers drumming against the steering wheel. he hums, too, turning his head, arm grabbing the shoulder of your seat as he backs up the car. "i have an idea. let's just go - what?" he asks, smiling with a chuckle as he catches you staring at him.

you blink as you flush, "i don't know. just really missed you." you say with a laugh, shaking your head as memories flood your mind. his face flickers for a second and he shakes his head, hair bouncing slightly in his flattery. "gee, i missed you too. it kinda sucks that we all went to opposite sides of the country." 

you blow air from your lips gently in agreement as richie starts to drive somewhere east. "yeah. not seeing you for six months is, surprisingly, pretty shitty." you say, causing richie to snort. "you could barely handle it." he says, hand shifting gears as he stops at a stop sign. 

you roll your eyes, but you don't tell him the truth: he's right. "let me tell you, when i got the bear last, i sure wanted to forget all about you." you say, kicking your feet up on his dash. 

you and the other losers all split ways after graduation. of course, you all still kept in touch with phone calls, letters, and that of the sort. but you all had found a favorite way to all still feel close together: a toy canvas bear bev found that you all signed and drew on, shipping it around the country and letting it stay with each person for a week. 

you'd all been printing photographs of the bear with yourselves at various places around all your campuses and sending them along with the bear as little post cards. the most recent from richie had the tattooed-bear propped next to him at a party, smirking with the bear in a vulgar position that had made you roll your eyes so hard you almost got a headache.

 that was in april, and you spent the month and a half after that missing richie and your other dumbass friends so much it hurt. 

richie smiles, "oh, yeah. that bear had some fun times with us up in the ol' N-Y-C."  "-don't call it that."  "-anyways, i did miss you guys, i wish you could meet my roommate, charlie, he's a hoot. i almost wanted to stay up there and have you come to me, y'know?"  you nod, all too familiar with that feeling. "yeah, i wanted to do that too. there was some kind of-" you stop, frowning. do you really want to admit this to anyone? will they think it's weird? but then you remember it's richie. "-i don't know, some kind of dread i felt at having to come back here." 

it's quiet for a second, and you think you said something wrong, but richie's knuckles tighten slightly and he nods, "me too. i have...bad feelings from this place. i didn't want to say anything, but- i don't know. i feel like something's..." but the thought seems to swim away from his voice, getting lost in the dredges of his brain.  

and then as if on cue, the old car bumps its way over a speedbump and you cross past old neibolt street near the tracks. 

 a sick shiver runs down your spine as your eyes fall on the long road, fading away and extending as far as your eye can see...almost into a foggy dark haze, the train tracks running parallel making you feel desolate. 

clouds suddenly move to cover the sun in the sky and you feel cold - you feel like something happened here, something important - but you have no idea. it makes you anxious, so you just swallow, saying nothing and instead looking ahead. richie does the same, and his knuckles are pale against the wheel. 

"the only reason i came back was so i could see everyone." you say. it's quiet, but you know richie's agreeing with you. 

the car rumbles on, eventually pulling past your old high school. you perk up, pointing to the glass and laughing. "wow, look at that shithole." 

"swore we'd never go back there, didn't we? when we left?" richie says, amusement lacing his tone. you're clearly both relieved to have changed the subject, and you nod, chewing your lip. "yeah. you know, i know it was really terrible and stuff, but i have some pretty fond memories from that place." 

humming, richie nods and slowly pulls into the parking lot. “remember those days?” he says, “kickin back in the ol’ schoolyard during lunch.” 

you do remember those hot days, richie, bill and bev smoking cigs while you and eddie play a game of marbles or scramble to copy richie’s math homework. ben reading a book, mike eating stan’s sandwich. the heat barreling down on the eight of you... 

he stops the car next to the football field and you snort slightly at its misery in the dying purple and blue of the summer twilight. "remember those bonfires that were always over in the woods right there?" he points a chipped nail towards the dense trees on the other side of the field, and you can see it. 

the crackling of the wood, the orange glow reflecting the light strands of stan’s dark curls. there’s a sea of students from your class and the class above, everyone rowdy with drunken fun. there’s laughter drowned out by the boombox placed on the outskirts, blasting a salt-n-peppa song that has eddie bouncing around with some kids from track. over to the side, you can nearly see bev's lips curl around a note as richie strums on someone else's guitar, putting together some surprisingly pleasant chords while mike throws twigs into the fire, singing softly with richie and bev. 

you can almost smell the smoky hot air from those nights and you remember the odd sensation of feeling invincible back in those days, when your greatest fear was nothing more than coming across your parents when you were too hungover to remember anything the next morning. 

it’s almost melancholic, the realization that you’ll never have those years again. you’ll never have your friend group in the same way as you did in high school, and it was barely over a year ago. it hurts a bit, until you realize you’re here, in the car with richie. 

but still, despite the feeling, you grin. “why did we think it was a good idea to party so close to the school?” 

richie chuckles, “it was safer. for some reason.” 

it makes you smile, "i wonder if those pabst cans are still hidden in all those hollow logs." you muse, a gentle smile splaying over your lips. richie huffs a small laugh at the memory of jorge garcia drunkenly stuffing the empty beer cans quickly into the log when the cops came. 

a car pulls into the vacant lot behind you, and richie takes the liberty of driving away again, still not really sure where you're going. 

the trees roll past, and soon you're passing through the downtown section of derry, causing the two of you to fall silent as your eyes flick up and down the nearly desloate streets. the aladdin passes by quickly and you remember going to see so many films with the others for less than five bucks a pop, richie slipping an arm around your shoulders and whispering in your ear about the weird worker who always gave you the eyes. 

you smile lightly as your eyes fall to look ahead, passing the corner store. you remember how many times you and richie and stan stopped there after classes or during lunch to grab slushes while the workers weren’t looking. you remember the sticky fingers and bright blue tongues. 

then as you stare more at the ugly front of the store, memories from middle school scratch the surface of your brain. "didn't the boys..." you say, perking up as you turn and watch it pass, richie looking at you attentively. "-eyes on the road, rich." you say absent-mindedly, "...didn't they... steal stuff from there? i can't remember why... it was for ben. tissues?" you ask, tilting your head. richie's brows furrow. "i had to stay outside with him, all i remember is bein' pissed i couldn't go in. dunno why, though." he mutters. you hum, sinking back in your seat. 

"crazy, how quickly you forget your childhood." he says quietly. 

the town slowly fades away before your eyes, and its just then that you realize you're going the opposite way from bill's. then it's plain grassland and marshes, dipping into the barrens. your lips twitch and the silence, while pleasant, makes you feel nervous. 

you look to richie, all nervous slowly releasing from your body. 

you feel stupid for thinking it, and you don't dare say it, but there's something really sweet about being in the middle of nowhere with him. 

you feel like driving along this ugly, terrible road on the outskirts of a truly ugly and terrible town with someone as beautiful and captivating as richie is such an important moment; as if the roads along here are a place only you and richie share to yourselves. 

"i kind of like taking the long way home with you." you let slip instead, instantly feeling hot and panicked as the words leave your mouth. "y-you know, because i just really didn't want to- er, i don't like being-" 

as you stutter out some excuses, he leans forward towards the wheel, face turning to you with a smirk. "oh?" he asks. you feel flustered, your hands sweating and heart tingling as you stare at his handsome face. 

"god, sorry." you say, feeling flushed, "i don't know why i keep rambling. it's so awkward." 

"y/n, you could talk about anything." he says with a laugh, and you look at him, trying to ignore the sheer zoo of animals parading around in your stomach and instead escaping this moment with a sarcastic, "even dead squirrels?" 

he rolls his eyes and shakes his head, his hair glinting in the light. "yeah, whatever baby. i just don't wanna be wasting my time alone when i could be here with you. that's what i'm trying to say." 

and the stupid pet name almost makes you snort but you also get butterflies, the words that he's said making you smile so wide you're almost embarrassed. "yeah, well." you say bashfully, "i guess spending my time with you is, like... the best part of coming back home." 

you avoid eye contact, staring out the window as you pass the house of your junior year bio partner. "hey," richie nudges your jaw and you almost jump at the feeling of his cold ring against the warmth of your skin. he speaks softly. "i'd never let you down, you know." he says, mischief in his eyes. you smile against his hand and look at him, his blue eyes warm and inviting and looking like home. 

your eyes fall back towards the windshield and you see a sign up ahead. shifting, you look at richie again to find him still staring. 

he's got such a terrible habit of watching you instead of the road (he has since high school), and that combined with his lead foot (also since high school - wentworth tozier was a menace on the streets) has you conditioned into reminding him of every obstacle that he may run into while driving. 

"stop sign, richie." you mutter, knowing in his ramble he won't notice it (it happened way too many times as high schoolers). he seems to not really hear it, and you say again, "stop sign!"

just before it's too late, the car lurches as he slams the breaks and you just barely hit the white line, your hands bracing yourself against the dashboard. "oh my god." you hiss, shaking your head. richie's laughing. 

"we've been hitting every red light. can't i just have one pass to not stop at one of these things?" richie says. you roll your eyes with a slight head shake. you can't believe him. 

"you'll be the death of me, tozier." you mutter. richie's still laughing quietly and then he takes a big sigh, hand reaching out. you lean forward, hand reaching for the volume knob on the stereo just as richie does the same, and your hands brush by accident. you feel warm and instead of pulling away, his hand covers yours and he gently turns your hands, bringing up the volume of a green day song. it's seemingly just in the background as you watch your hand in richie's, then slowly turning your gaze up to his face. 

he just stares at you as you stare back, wanting so badly to kiss him but wondering if he feels the same. 

"hey." he whispers, quiet for the first time possibly ever. "hey." you respond softly, watching as he comes a bit closer. his hand is still in yours. "i am so happy to be home. with you." he says sincerely, his eyes wide and honest behind his glasses and his smile soft.  your breath catches slightly and you smile, "me too. i always feel like this is the way it's supposed to be. u-us." 

something in richie's eyes change, a light of sort, and then he's leaning into you and you're kissing. 

his hand that isn't in yours falls to softly rub your thigh and you're taking a shuddering breath as your lips touch his. he tastes like mint chapstick and those stupid red-hots he was eating earlier, his lips slightly cold but his tongue warm as he slowly pulls you closer to him. 

your mind almost falls blank as the world melts away, the only thing in your mind is how long you've missed out on this - richie is kind of unexpectedly a fantastic kisser. you pull him closer by his hair as his tongue grazes yours, his thumb tilting your jaw for a better angle. 

but suddenly a horn honks loudly behind you and you both spring apart, your stomach panging with anxiety at the noise.

"shit." you hiss as you remember you're at a stop sign. richie snorts slightly, a smirk on his face despite the blush on his high cheekbones, feet going back to the gas pedal and clutch. his hand leaves your thigh as he drives forward and you clear your throat as the car turns behind you at the intersection, leaving you two back in the middle of nowhere with just you two. 

it's tense for a few minutes, neither of you two really talking and you can tell the tension is going to kill richie, his hand twitching on the shift and his leg bouncing. 

you break the silence after a couple more moments, "did you want to pull over-"  "-yes." he says quickly, car almost swerving as he pulls off the road near the quarry. you laugh and grip the handle of the car as you slide to a stop and he laughs too, the feeling of glee unmatchable. 

you both unclick your seatbelts after gaining a few breaths, and then you're leaning over the console to kiss richie hard enough on the lips that he falls back towards the window. he holds your face with his hands and he laughs a bit into the kiss, teeth grazing your bottom lip before tugging it. "goddamn, you're eager." he mutters into your mouth. 

you smirk, pulling back. "fine, i don't have to kiss you. we have to be at bill's soon, anyways." you say, feigning a fake dismissive voice. 

"wait, no, no. we've still got 20 minutes." richie defends after glancing at the stereo on the dash. his eyebrows raising in a plea. you giggle, leaning towards him and bringing your arm over. he's beaming as your face nears his and he moves to kiss you but you turn your head, instead letting his lips graze your neck as you lean to turn off the headlights.

"tease." richie mutters hotly against the skin of your neck before biting down softly, kissing over the skin. "i thought you said i was eager?" you say with a teasing smile. he hums, "y'know, it's pretty unfair to be teasin' me, toots. i've been eager to kiss you since we were seventeen." he says, and you can't help but smile, pulling him in to a kiss as his hands slide up your thighs and yours tangle in his messy curls.

you pull away slightly, "you want to get in the backseat?" 

taglist:  @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier​  @sft-core @clownsloveyou  @moon-shine-baby​ @trashedfortozier  @daughter-of-the-stars11 @oceandog13​ @chl0bee @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @screammin @leighjaenikhowell @cowbellies @deepestofwaters @five-motherfucking-hargreeves @sassy-uris @loverloserrr @hauntingkaspbrak @soph-ec @hockslutter  

© all content belongs to soulwillower 2020. do not modify, repost, or redistribute.

[auty-ren]

Congrats on 900!!! And Happy Birthday 🥳🥳🥳 I was thinking about a fluffy (maybe smutty if you so chose) Din drabble or hcs where the reader was kidnapped for not giving the child up and Din rescues them. So maybe the aftermath of that, and neither one have admitted their feelings yet but it all comes to a head when they get back to safety. And congrats again 🥰🥰🥰

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: canonical violence, trauma, mentions of sex

A/n: Wow I loved this. (Thank you babe💕)

Saved

You finally felt like you could breathe.

Everything seemed to relax at once, the tension in your muscles melting away at the familiar feel of home. You still felt so sick, your stomach turning into a pit from the emptiness that spread inside of you until it felt like your entire being was consumed by it.

You hand was shaking as you touched your face, finally becoming aware of the tears that streamed down your cheeks, their bitterness soured in your mouth like the potent taste of Trandoshan ale. You frantically rubbed then away, trying your best to erase any bad memory that was attached to them. You scrubbed at the skin of your face and neck until all you could feel was the burn left in the wake of your fingertips.

You’re not sure how long you've been alone, the cold air, and the shinning walls of the Razor Crest being your only company.

You had hoped he would've cared more.

It was foolish to think that he didn't, all things considered. He had found you, had rescued you. It had to count for something. You had been alone for what felt like weeks, in that pitiful cell, waiting for the moment they would come for you. Your fate was unknown as they dragged you away kicking and screaming just like every else who sat in the cells beside you.

But he saved you, he had to care a little. He tracked you halfway across the galaxy, and part of you couldn't understand why. There was no logical thinking behind his actions, anyone else would've left you to rot.

Then again, he was different than anyone you had ever met.

He had to care about you, or at least that's what you wanted to be true. He was all you thought of, even as you sat captor to the very people you had been running from, you worried about him. Part of you hoping he had gotten away, that he had taken the kid somewhere safe and they were living happily far from the reaches of anyone.

You'll never forget the way he looked at you. It wasn't something that you could see, but something you had felt. Something that felt so genuine, like the right pieces had finally clicked together, and the space that had been between the two of you dissipated. He had hauled you up off the dirty floor, his grip nearly bruising on your arms. Something had been said between the two of you, but it was foggy, nothing you had spoken or heard could be remembered.

But you remembered how it felt, the relief of seeing him again, you had nearly sobbed. Or maybe you had. He embraced you and it felt so warm, his arms strong as they wrapped around you, carrying you back to the Razor Crest. When the sunlight finally hit your face, you buried your face into the cowl around Din's neck, your eyes stinging from the brightness.

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to remember exactly how it felt to be held by him, the scent of leather and gunpowder flooding your senses as you melted against him.

If only he was really with you.

He had sealed himself off in the cockpit, leaving you to the drowning silence in the hull of the ship. It felt pointless to try and relive moments that you're sure we're just some product of a hopeful desire that flooded you anytime Mando was around. No matter how much it would hurt later, you'd let yourself have this. You'd let yourself fall asleep to daydreams of him, your heart aching for something that seemed almost impossible to obtain

-

You still think you're dreaming when you wake up. It all felt too warm, a blanket was thrown around your shoulders that was soft to the touch. There was a ghost of touches, warm hands that grazed over your skin, brushing away your hair and rubbing gently at your cheeks. Someone was speaking to you, words that were soft and whispered like it was a secret only the walls of the Razor Crest could carry.

It was dark, a single light over the bench in the engineering bay being the only source of light. You could see Din fiddling with something, even with his back turned you could hear him cursing beneath his breath, sparks flying off his cuirass as he repaired it. You sat up, the rickety cot squeaking beneath you as you shifted your weight. Din turns towards you, sitting up a little straighter, just watching you.

"Are you alright?"

He finally broke the silence, but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything. You stared at your hands as they fell in your lap, your fingers playing with the edge of the blanket you wore.

Is this my blanket?

It felt different, at least you don't think you had seen it before but it became a distant thought. Din caught your attention, he slowly moved from his seat across the room, coming to sit on the edge of your cot.

He only wore his underclothes, a simple black tunic, and trousers. If it weren't for the beskar helmet he almost would look...normal? In all the time you had traveled with him, you don't ever remember him being this exposed. Sometimes it was hard to remember that under the layers of beskar he was just a man.

A man that you were sure you loved more than anything.

And now he was just a hairbreadth away, but you still couldn't bring yourself to do anything about it. You don't know why you said anything, why you felt the need to pour salt into a still fresh wound, but you did. Your voice shaking and weak as you spoke to him.

"Why did you come back for me?"

He was silent, and you regretted every word that fell from your lips. Although you wanted an answer you would give anything to get him to speak again, to have everything go back to the way it was; comfortable but always longing for something more. You wanted to sneak away, to put distance between the two of you before you burst from the tension in the room.

"You're kidding, right?"

He seemed genuine like there was something that baffled him about the situation. You just looked at him, greeted by the familiar darkness of his visor, hoping that in some way you were looking at him. You broke his heart, your eyes puffy and red, lip trembling as you held back whatever storm of emotion had been brewing inside of you.

"Cyar'ika, I-"

He wasn't used to this, being so vulnerable to someone; but he would try, for you. He would do anything for you, and it was time he told you that.

"Cyar'ika, I would tear the galaxy apart to get you back."

A million things were said that night, most of them the results of everything the two of you had pent up, words flowing out like water that drowned you in the most blissful feeling. He was so gentle to you like he was afraid the slightest touch would break you.

You held onto each other, your hands searching and feeling as you tried to make up for lost time, for a time when you both were in denial that you could be something more. You didn't sleep much, too afraid that if you fell asleep it would all turn out to be a dream, another story you concocted to lull yourself to sleep. When the lights finally went out, he kissed you; slow and tender as your mouths molded together. This moment would be burned in your memory, the feeling of him against you, the taste of his lips, the sound of his voice as he whispered into your ear.

"I love you."

Hours passed like this, laying together on your tiny cot. The two of you didn't dare to move, until you heard a faint shriek, signaling you that the baby had woken from his pram in the cockpit. Din peeled himself away from you, promising to return with a kiss to your lips.

You could hear him walking to the upper deck, the faintest sound of a one-sided conversation filtering through the walls, and bringing a soft smile to your face.

There was nowhere you'd rather be.

Got a ‘Sinday’ thot?

Taglist:

@on-the-razor-crest @readsalot73 @roxypeanut @talesfromtheguild @vintage-silk @ben-is-a-hoe @dartheldur @el-lizzie @b0n-chann @dindisneydjarin @tangledlove27 @blueplaidhood @lackofhonor @holamor @ajediherowitchrunner @mandhoelorian @random-fandom-lady @aeryntheofficial @stubbychaos @promiscuoussatan @lark-cale @lilkermit14 @leather-mommy @zombiexbody @absurdthirst

[thepurplesquip]

Ben 10/The Greatest Showman AU Chapter 2

Co-written by me and @minecraftninjerkid

Ben sat at his desk, already feeling the exhaustion kick in. He was working as a shipping clerk for the Bauman grocery chain, typing in information all day long. It was dreary and boring, two things he despised the most, but the money helped take care of his family, so he couldn’t complain. 

That was until one day his boss, Mr. Bauman, burst in, moaning with grief as he padded helplessly at the side of a man in a suit, presumably someone from the marketing hierarchy, walked ahead, stone-faced. 

“Ruined! I am ruined!” he wailed as he fell to his knees, sobbing grossly. Fearing this meant what he thought it did, Ben stood up from his seat, as did many of his coworkers, who gathered around their boss and asked what was wrong.

“The company’s gone bankrupt!” Bauman mourned. “All our trading ships are at the bottom of the sea! All because of a typhoon!”

A worried clamor broke out among the employees, but Ben seemed tiredly resigned to this. “Not again…oh well. At least it wasn’t my fault this time.”

“Typhoon season is FAR off,” he overheard one of his cos whispering to another. “I’ll bet it was the work of aliens!”

“Don’t be stupid, they’re off in hiding. No way those cowards would show their faces,”

“They would if it meant disrupting our lives!”

Ben packed his desk silently as his former coworkers spoke. The discrimination of aliens among humans was a common topic he overheard constantly. He personally thought aliens were beautiful and mysterious creatures, the exact kind of spark he had been seeking since he was young, but he knew better than to speak about an opinion different than the majority’s. It wasn’t time for that yet. 

It was then that Ben started to worry. Without his job, how was he going to take care of his family? As he packed up his things, pondering on what to do, he noticed the slips for the lost ships were still on his desk. Looking this way and that to make sure no one was looking, he quickly packed them in his suitcase, hoping they could be of use.

Soon, Ben arrived back to the small apartment he shared with his wife, Courtney, and his two sons, Cody and Kenny. He looked around at their home, which had seen better days. It was in dire need of repairs, something he wasn’t going to be able to give for a while now. 

Ben climbed up the stairs of the fire escape up to the roof, where he heard the laughter of his boys and the sweet voice of his wife. 

Courtney was hanging up laundry to dry as the boys were playing a game where they were pretending to be cowboys and Indians. “I’ve got you now, pardner!” Cody jeered, finger guns trained on his older brother. 

“Not for long, white devil!” Kenny shot back, windmilling his arms, throwing imaginary tomahawks. “Geronimooooooooooooooo-!”

Cody squealed and rushed to hide behind his mother. “Backup! Marshal! Protect your sheriff!” 

Laughing at her son’s antics, Courtney joined in and pretended to shoot at Kenny with finger guns, but played dead when he retaliated with a well-shot pretend arrow.

Ben smiled at the warm scene as he approached Courtney, tipping an invisible cowboy hat to her. “G’evening, madam.” 

“Hey, you’re home early,” Courtney said, turning to greet her husband. 

“And until further notice,” Ben explained as he held up the resignation slip he and his co-workers were given.

Courtney took the slip from his and looked at it before quickly dismissing it. “Well, I didn’t think that job was right for you anyway,” she comforted him, hoping to cheer him up.

“Or any job apparently,” Ben said as he helped Cortney hang up a large sheet. 

“Well, that’s what makes our life together so exciting,”

“But Courtney…this isn’t the life I promised you,” 

“That’s okay. I already have everything I want,”

“But what about the magic?” 

Courtney gestured to their sons, still playing their make-believe game. “What do you call those two boys over there?”

“OW! MOM! Tell Kenny Indian burns is foul play!” Cody whined.

“Not if you’re on the Indian team!” Kenny replied. 

“Alright, alright, settle down, partners,” Courtney calmed her children as she put an arm around Ben. “Look who moseyed into the corral.”

The boys’ faces lit up at once. “Dad!” They ran over and hugged him tightly, Ben scooping them both up, balancing them on both his shoulders. 

“Hey, how are my favorite boys?” Ben asked as he carried them over to the fire pit. 

“Did you bring me a present?” Kenny asked him. 

“A present for what?” 

“For my birthday,” 

“What? No way, your birthday was last year.”

The boys laughed as Ben opened his briefcase. “Okay, well, I DO have something for you, but not just any present: it’s the most amazing birthday present ever.” 

Ben pulled out a lantern that had a patterned cover. “The blueprints crossed my desk just for a moment, but I managed to commit them to memory and if I remembered them correctly…” 

With a spin of the disc, it caused the lights from the lantern to almost dance around them. “Happy birthday, Kenny.”

Kenny and Cody both looked around at the lights in amazement. “What is it?” Cody asked when he looked back at the item his father built. 

“It’s called a wishing machine. You tell it your wish and it keeps them safe until it comes true. Even if you forget then, they’re always here.” Ben explained.

“Can I tell a wish?” Cody asked.

“Of course. Step right up.”

Cody stepped forward and closed his eyes. “I wish to marry the tooth fairy,” Cody whispered to the lantern as he chuckled a bit. 

“You maybe wanna leave a pressed flower alongside your next loose tooth under your pillow~?” Courtney teased her son, which earned her a playful push and a giggle.

“Now, now, sweetheart, Cody’s got his priorities straight. That’s a good wish.”, Ben said as Kenny stepped forward. 

“I wish…for a new belt,” Kenny whispered. 

Ben hesitated, knowing that was a wish a bit harder to grant. “That’s…a good wish too.” 

“What’s your wish, Mom?”, Cody asked as he looked up at Courtney. She thought for a moment before answering. 

“I wish for us to be happy like this forever. For you, and you, and your father.” Courtney, wrapping her arms around Ben. 

They all continued to sit and watch the lights spin around them, thinking about what Courtney said. To Ben, that was going to be the hardest wish of all to grant. Nonetheless, he was going to make that wish come true, no matter what.

Part of making that wish work, however, was going to involve a little swindling. He was able to pass off the lost ships as his own, allowing him to get a loan from the bank.

Courtney was surprised at this stroke of luck. “Why would a bank give us a loan of $10,000?” 

“Collateral does wonders, believe it or not,” Ben said as he led her and his sons through town.

“What collateral are you talking about, exactly?” Courtney asked suspiciously. 

“Of course, we do, in the South China Seas. DEEP in the South China Seas.”  

“And we bought WHAT with this loan?” 

Ben responded by pointing at a building ahead of them, the boys already rushing ahead to read the title.

“’Tennyson’s American Museum of Curiosities’,” Kenny read aloud from the sign on the building. 

“What kind of museum is it?” Cody asked excitedly, hoping it was full of amazing items.

Well, it was full of…items, but most would not call them amazing. “Well, what do you think?”, Ben asked as he showed them the inside. 

“A…wax museum?” Courtney asked, a bit surprised by what she was seeing, though the pleasure from before had left her tone. 

“Well yeah, they’re supposed to be all the rage in Europe. Boys, go take a look around, but don’t touch anything!”

After they were out of sight, Ben looked back at Courtney, who seemed unsure of her husband’s decision. 

“Okay, now I know what you’re thinking, and I know how it looks-“

“Good, I’d be glad if you didn’t,”

“But it just needs a little work, y’know a little elbow grease here and there,”

“And the loan? You KNOW it needs to be paid back every month,” 

“Don’t worry it will, we just need costumers. Trust me, everything will be fine.” Ben promised as he kissed her forehead. 

But as fate would have it, things were not going as well as they seemed. No matter how hard they tried, no one wanted to see the museum. After a full day of people tossing his posters and getting laughed at, Ben went up to the ticket booth, where his good friend and former pickpocket, Kevin, was working. “What’ve you got for me, Kev?”

“Three,” Kevin answered, giving Ben some hope before he turned around and saw Courtney holding up the three tickets that she bought. 

Later that night, Ben arrived back home, feeling defeated from his long day. He saw that Courtney was already asleep on the couch, waiting for him to come home. Ben had a soft smile on his face as he gently covered her with a blanket.

“Dad?” Ben heard Cody’s tiny voice from the boys’ bedroom. Upon entering, he noticed both his sons were still awake. 

“Did you sell any more tickets today?” Kenny asked him, sounding sleepy.

“Uh…yeah a few. A lot of people were in a rush to get home since it’s Friday, but we still sold a few,” Ben assured them, not wanting to worry them.

“I think you just have too many common things in your museum,” Cody pointed out. “People see humans like the ones in our museum every day.”

“Yeah, you need something different,” Kenny added. 

Ben thought about this for a moment as he gave them a smile. “Thanks for the food for thought, boys,” he thanked them as he tucked them in. “But it doesn’t buy you any extra late-night hours. Off to bed, you two.” 

Later, Ben was still awake as he thought about what Kenny and Cody had said. Something different…something other than humans…

The moment the concept crossed his mind, he sat upright in bed. They would be hard to find and even harder to pass off as an act in front of humans, but he knew EXACTLY what he needed: he needed aliens.

[stardustkenobi]

Razbliuto

Kylo Ren x Reader

Warnings: canonic typical violence, angst, mention of loss 

A/N: Hello everyone! This might be a series, it might not be, but i just wanted to write some Kylo fic okay? Okay. Cool. This takes place somewhere between The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker!

Razbliuto [ros-blee-OO-toe] – noun. The feeling a person has for someone he or she once loved but now does not.

“You still call me Ben in your mind.”

His voice was steady, perhaps even uninterested behind that Godforsaken mask as he swept into the prison hold you had been situated in for approximately five days now.

You narrowed your eyes up at the man who was once your best friend, your partner in crime, before standing up. The one that would make goofy faces over Master Skywalker’s shoulder after you had been scolded for, once again, letting yourself center your focus on your anxieties rather than simply letting go.

“I figured my mind was a safe space for me to retreat away from the ridiculous amount of interrogation that you and your watch dogs have put me through over the past few days.” Despite your…predicament, you found yourself to be just as capable of confronting Kylo Ren with a tone as chillingly calm as his own. Dripping with disinterest, trying so desperately to disguise the fact that you were almost trembling.

He stopped in front of you, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Not when you’re calling his name out like that in your mind.”

The fall of the Temple, albeit years ago now, was not something you were likely to ever forget. The putrid smell of smoke and burning flesh still filled your nose as you woke from nightmares now and again – it was only magnified here, what with the sterile walls and complete and utter silence between grueling interrogation sessions.

“Your name.” You said simply, trying to push him as far as you could. Maybe you’d make him angry enough to let you go, or even end it all for you. Maybe he’d wipe your mind and try to take you on as a student, like he tried to so many years ago. You had no way of knowing if you had been compromised and were almost positive that even though you ranked high in the chain of command with the Resistance, there would be no attempt to rescue you. No attempt to make a prisoner exchange. You weren’t even sure if they would take you back if you somehow managed to escape and you prayed that they would put you on an escape pod with no coordinates and let you float through space. It seemed like the best punishment for letting yourself succumb to the torture you had been subjected to – you’d never see your friends again and you’d have to live with your guilt until you finally met your end.

His hands came up to the mask, unhinging it with a mechanic hiss that felt as cold as his demeanor toward you. He lifted it up, then tucked it under his arm. “Is this what you wanted?” He asked, deep brown eyes so uncharacteristically cold. So unlike they had been the last time you had seen his face, on your knees and begging him not to leave with Snoke and the others he had managed to convince to come with him.

You steeled your jaw as you tried your very best to not let him on to the fact that seeing his face was the worst form of torture he could have inflicted on you. “Yes.” You growled, voice cracking despite your efforts to make the simple word drip with acid.

A knowing smirk traced his lips and it was enough to bring you to your knees for him all over again. “Ben Solo is dead.” He said simply, his posture not changing in the slightest. “He was gone the minute I left the ruins of the temple.”

His voice in all of its unmodulated glory and his eyes on yours brought back memories of running through the fields of Naboo on excursions that your master allowed every once and awhile. Your first kiss in the cockpit of his father’s beloved ship, the one that you had spent hours on after he and his wife came to save you and Luke from the carnage their son had inflicted on what was everything to the two of you.

“It doesn’t have to end the way it did last time.” He continued, taking advantage of your uncharacteristic silence. “You don’t have to walk away. You can stay and be with me and we can build something together, like we used to talk about.”

All you could see was the inside of that very same cockpit – how Han and Chewbacca sat rigidly silent at the helm of the ship. How Leia held you as she cried silently. How Luke had found a blanket for you and wrapped you in it before leaving to sit in the gunner’s seat, despite the fact that there was no imminent threat. He couldn’t bring himself to watch his sister cry, to watch you cry as you stared out into hyperspace with complete and total numbness. To watch the man he considered to be a brother white knuckle the controls of his Falcon, at a loss for words because the ship felt a little lighter with the notable absence of his only son.

“It still kills her, you know.” You growled suddenly, trying your hardest to ignore the part of you that screamed to run into his arms and kiss him with the force of a thousand suns. “I see a part of her die each and every day she wakes up and goes to the bridge, knowing that it’ll be another day that you won’t return to her.”

His jaw tightened at the mention of his mother, the one thing from his old life that could still make him keel over with the force of that pull to the light. It had dulled since Han Solo had died, but the reoccurring dreams of the last time his mother had looked over his face with the knowledge from his former master that there was a conflict in his heart, that look that could convince the most closed off of people that she saw into their hearts and knew and understood everything they felt? That was enough to make him question everything.

It was your turn to take advantage of the silence that ebbed from both his lips and his mind. “It kills her that she has lost everything, everything because you made the worst decision you could have. You are the reason that her husband and brother are dead and she clings to me, the closest thing she’s had to a daughter, like it’s her last chance at breathing in clean air.” She snapped, eyes hard. “She’s probably searching for me right now, has probably sent her best pilot –“

You were silenced when you surged backwards into the bench you had slept on ever since arriving on the First Order controlled ship. He wouldn’t ever hit you, or try to hurt you in any way, shape, or form, you told yourself. Pushing you back was his way of putting you in your place without raising a hand to you. “The best pilot,” He sneered, looking down at you with total disdain. “You’re talking about isn’t all he’s cracked up to be. I snapped him like a toothpick and I know for a fact that General Organa wouldn’t ever dare send her pet back this way. Too great of a risk, even to save you.”

It wasn’t his words about Poe that cut you to the core, or even the insinuation that Leia would rather keep him safe over you. It was the fact that he was now looking at you like he looked at every other Resistance prisoner, as if you were nothing but the dirt beneath his boots that some unlucky bastard had the honor of scrubbing clear before he went to grovel at the feet of his master. You, who had once been the subject of his praises and sweet nothings and promises of his forever after you had both passed the trials? You were now just another piece of rebel scum. Nothing. Not when you turned him away and pushed him further and further toward the anger that made him bend toward the dark in the first place.

The thing was, Kylo Ren almost hoped that you would be the one to push him back the other way. To drive him back into his mother’s embrace because deep down he was so, so sorry for every single misstep he had taken since the moment he was born. For the disgrace he had brought to his family and for the disappointment that he knew lived in Leia’s heart and would continue to for the rest of her life if he never came back.

The desire kept him awake at night and he did his damned best to keep it from Snoke during the most invasive of probs from his master, the puppeteer pulling all of his strings. He was sure as hell scrambling with all of his might to hide it from you now as you sat before him for the first time in years. Same eyes, just broken and hardened with all of the carnage you had seen because of him.

“You know there’s only one way this ends up favorable for you.” He finally said, voice taught. He was teetering again and you were starting to become aware of it as you reached out to him with the Force, trying desperately to grasp for any fraction of the man he once was.

You shook your head. “I would rather die –“

He scoffed, tossing his helmet to the floor with a clang. “You and I both know that I wouldn’t let you die.” He said, leading you to believe that there was definitely a possibility that he was teetering on his allegiances. “You can either stay here or go.”

You opened your mouth to say that you would be more than willing to leave, but were interrupted before the words left your mouth.

“If you leave, you will tell me the location of General Organa’s secret base.” He said simply, flicking an invisible piece of dust off of his tunic. “Then your mind will be wiped and you will be a spy for us. At the end of the war, if you do well, you will return to me and rule by my side.”

You scoffed this time, opening your mouth once more, only to be silenced by his words once more.

“If you stay and don’t submit, you’ll be tried for crimes against the New Republic and we will eventually pull the location of the base from your mind.” He said simply, leaning against the wall as if he was simply telling someone what he wanted for dinner that evening. “If you do…” He trailed off, licking his lips. “If you stay and you give yourself to me, it’ll be just like it used to be.” He was desperate now as he watched you. Definitely teetering. “We can train together, get stronger.”

“You could come back with me.” You breathed, shaking your head. “We don’t have to stay here. You know she’d take you back in the blink of an eye.”

“That part of me is gone.” He snarled, trying to convince himself more than you. “But I still love you, Y/N. That part of me never went anywhere. If you stay, I won’t ask you to give me the coordinates of the base anymore. I won’t ask you to send your friends to their demise. I won’t make you fight them if you so choose and I won’t bring them up. This can be a new start for you.”

The tears in your eyes threatened to betray you and you quickly dwindling resolve as you shook your head once more. “You never use to speak in clichés, Ben.”

His eyes hardened once more at your words. “Never call me that again.”

“No.” You snapped back, sitting up straighter. “If you really still love me, you have to know that I only love the man I knew before he destroyed the temple. I don’t know a damn thing about you except that you have taken everything so, if you really want me to stay and…And submit to you? You’ll have to cope with me calling you by your goddamn name because fuck, Ben, you took everything from me!” The tears you had tried so desperately to hold back were now flowing freely as you stood, marching up to stand right against his chest. You thrust a finger into his face accusingly, eyes hard. “You’re taking everything from me right now – the friends that have come to replace you and your father and uncle? You’re giving me the ultimatum to either lead them to their deaths or still give them a fighting chance, but never see them again. How can you say that you love me, but make me choose between you and them?”

Kylo Ren tightened his jaw once more, studying you over and over again as he remained silent. Part of him was trying not to tremble from your close proximity, part of him was trying not to snap and give you no other option but to stay and submit or to stay and have your mind wiped because all he knew is that he wanted you back. Preferably chosen on your own accord.

“I’ll expect your answer in the morning.” He said after a long silence, taking a step back and picking up his mask. His eyes never left you as you collapsed onto the floor, chest heaving from the exertion of pent up emotions. The minute he stepped over the door frame, the door slid shut, leaving you in darkness once more.

The only difference being that now your nightmares would be plagued by a set of once warm brown eyes, dimples, and beauty marks dappled across a face that you used to kiss over and over again until your face and his were rosy.

[freshbloodandgothicism]

‘Paradise by the Dashboard Light’ - Ben Solo x Reader

Title: Paradise by the Dashboard Light Ship: Ben Solo x Reader  Word Count: 9.4k words Rating: SFW leads into NSFW (there is a marked stopping point for SFW) AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23185204 Summary: There is a small celebration on base and Reader tries to get Ben to attend the party for fun and dancing but he doesn't feel welcome. When he does get convinced to go, things start to get a little intimate when dancing with one another at the bonfire before it starts to get heated aboard the Falcon. First Kiss. First Time.

‘Ben! Ben, come on! It’ll be fun, I promise.’ you called, walking around the corridors of the Millennium Falcon. He was clearly hiding from you. It’s not that you weren’t good friends, if anything you were incredibly fond of him, but he was without a doubt avoiding you this time. There was supposed to be a small party at the Resistance base that night, a celebration of sorts since the last recon mission had been beyond a success and the generals thought it would be a good way for everyone to blow off some steam. It felt as though everyone had made a conscious effort to make more happy memories with each other after Leia’s passing. You were excited, it wasn’t often that you got to just relax and have a good time with the people you cared about, especially nowadays since there was almost always more work to be done. However, there was still one person who was adamant about not wanting to enjoy himself and you’d be damned if he was going to sit in the cockpit and sulk for another evening like he did during the last party.           Your footsteps echoed slightly as you went, tracing your fingers along the ageing grey walls. Ben lived in the Falcon on the base, since it was unanimously, but somewhat begrudgingly, decided that it should belong to him after he joined the Resistance just over a year ago. Of course, his joining caused absolute chaos. The majority of the fighters didn’t want him there, which he knew was more than understandable considering, well, Everything. Some of them spat in his direction because they knew he wouldn’t retaliate, or moved away from him so quickly he expected them to stumble over their own legs, or what was even worse was when they spoke about the things he had done loud enough for him to hear. He knew he couldn’t escape that. But that was what made him feel the worst. Still, there were a few people that fought for him to stay; those who believed in him and those who didn’t want to lose the last thing Leia had left in this world. This wasn’t enough to stop Ben from feeling unwanted in the cause, so even though he stayed in the Resistance, he mostly kept himself to himself and rarely left the Falcon unless he had to for missions and briefings. He either spent most of his time alone, talking to the small handful of people that wanted to associate with him or practising in the woods. You pitied him, even though everyone said you weren’t supposed to. You just couldn’t help it. You wanted to make him smile, he always made your heart flutter and you longed to see him happy. A small shuffle could be heard in the distance, followed by a metallic clang and an ‘ow.’ Found him, you thought.           ‘Ben?’ you asked again, moving closer to where the sound came from. The fact he was hiding from you told you that he already knew why you were there. You heard a sigh and Ben stepped out from behind one of the doors. You smiled at him and he returned what looked like the ghost of what could have been a smile back in response. It would have been a lie to say you didn’t find him handsome, but there was something about the black t-shirt, dark cargo pants and high boots that would have almost made you stutter if you didn’t compose yourself at the last minute.             ‘So that’s where you were. I knew you were hiding from me!’ You joked, gesturing vaguely to behind the door. He nodded but furrowed his brows slightly before beginning to speak himself. ‘I just don’t think I should go. No one is going to want me there.’ Ben turned to lock the door he had come through and cocked his head, inviting you to walk with him. You had no idea where you were going but you’d quite happily go anywhere he invited you to.              ‘That’s not true. I want you there.’ You pleaded. ‘No one else does. I think I’ll just be in the way of other people trying to forget about people like me.’ He sounded a bit defeated, the tone of his voice tugging at your chest.                ‘Once again, not true. You have to give them a chance to warm to you first-’ You started but had to pause for a break in the middle of your sentence to catch your breath. Ben walked very fast since his legs were so long and he could sometimes be rather difficult to keep up with. ‘This could be a good opportunity to socialise!’ ‘They’ll feel on edge. It doesn’t matter anyway, I have reading to do. I’ve also been sent out to a planet in the Viodet system, I won’t be back until late even if I’m in Hyperspeed. It’s too far.’ The tall man led you both to the main living space of the Falcon where he started to set up his work things on the table alongside the frozen game of Dejarik. One side was very clearly on its way to losing.            ‘Were you playing with Chewie?’ You asked, investigating the gently glitching figures. ‘Ah, yeah. He cheats.’ Ben replied, glancing up slightly to look between you and the board.            ‘Oh definitely. Big time.’ The words chimed out of your mouth, trying to not make it sound like a big deal that he had begun to reconnect properly with Chewbacca. You knew it meant a lot to Ben and didn’t want to embarrass him by bringing it up. It made you feel warm that the two were able to enjoy each other’s company again, even if neither one can truly ever move on from what happened in the past. You stayed and talked with Ben for the next hour or so, lightly sprinkling in the suggestion that he should make an appearance at the party every now and then, until he finished his paperwork and needed to get ready to leave for the Viodet system. You said goodbye and waved Ben off from outside the Millennium Falcon, smiling as you watched him return it with a small, slightly awkward looking wave. You imagined he looked far more comfortable in the cockpit of the Falcon then he ever did in his Tie Silencer. - In order to have the celebrations later, all of the day’s work had to be completed early. This meant that the entire base was running on twice the normal speed and it was flooded with a half stressful half excitable atmosphere as everyone was frantic to get their work finished. Your role was with telecommunications so even though it wasn’t typically the most interesting of roles, it suited you well. On occasion, your subconscious wandered to Ben and what he must be doing, how he was feeling, or if he was thinking about you too. In a friend way, of course. You did like him, you had already had to, at the very least, reason that fact with yourself. But, you didn’t think he was ready to move into that kind of relationship with someone yet. He had too much to forgive himself for first. Ben needed time and patience more than anything. You had always told yourself that whatever happened between the two of you, you would let Ben make the first move if he wanted to so that it would be on his terms. It meant that you had been suppressing your feelings for him for a while but you told yourself it was better to just be his friend and someone that he could trust, that was enough for you right now.           Since you didn’t have as much work to do today as other people you started prepping different decorations and food for the evening. The Resistance did not exactly have the budget to spare for such frivolities, so it was rather a homemade and make-do party with members providing what they can and everyone being grateful for it. Several people pooled their saved credits to buy alcohols and liquors to be shared, which itself was a rarity at that point. For your own share, you went to the base kitchens with an armful of ingredients you had gotten in advance to make a dish named Oantcrab soup that you had enjoyed on your own planet in your youth. It wasn’t exactly a complicated dish but it was hearty and could feed a lot of people, so it seemed ideal since you weren’t a brilliant cook by any means. You took your time cutting the seafoods you had gathered and listening to the snaps and various crunches of the vegetables, it probably seemed a bit weird to an outsider, but it wasn’t often that you got to have such fresh food on the base so it was a small joy to have. By the time the food was ready and stored away for the cooks to look after, it was time to get ready.            Of course, this wasn’t going to be an extravagant affair by anyone’s standard but it still felt special enough that you wanted to look nice for it. Appearances don’t exactly hold out for much in the Resistance, so the ‘nice’ was essentially a warm shower, brushed hair and a couple of little luxuries you had gathered such a small bottle of perfume, your mother’s old hair grip and a small handful of flowers that you had planned to tuck behind your ear. Whilst getting ready, you thought of Ben. It not only made you sad that he wasn’t going to the party, but mainly that he felt he really wasn’t wanted there in the first place despite all the efforts he had made to be a part of the Resistance. He couldn’t change his past but the weight of it was drowning the chance of a present and, most importantly, a future. I’ll definitely get him to go to the next one, you thought to yourself as you yanked through the tangles in your hair.            The bustle of the barracks got even more excitable as people started to hear music playing outside as Generals Poe and Finn were yelling for people to start enjoying themselves and to ‘take a load off’ for a bit. As if at once, everyone swarmed out into the open spaces to celebrate under the illuminating stars, billions upon billions of them. It was beautiful. There were warm orange lanterns hanging off various parts of X-wings and the cooks had brought out long tables and lined them up with all the food that had been prepared. Many people made a beeline for the tables which had several interesting looking alcohols sat upon them. When your curiosity got the better of you, you went to investigate them yourself and was handed a bright blue drink with tiny orange fireworks coming out of it. It wasn’t your first time having alcohol, but definitely your first time having one so pretty. They were being handed out in very small glasses that looked undersized even in your hand and you couldn’t help but think of how ridiculously tiny it would look in Ben’s huge hands, especially in comparison to his generally large stature. It was a sweet thought. If only he was here.             As the evening progressed, you watched as people happily ate, talked and danced some of their many, many worries away. It felt so good to see people enjoying themselves when they rarely had good things to celebrate in their day to day lives. It was hopeful. You met up with your friends and shared the food, joked and drank a few more of the odd looking drinks; not enough to be drunk, just enough to feel a little more relaxed than what Resistance base life would typically allow.             Eventually, you decided you had to run back to your barracks to change your shoes into more comfortable boots. Initially, you had tried to wear a newer, cleaner pair but they were rubbing on your ankles and would have made it too uncomfortable to dance in. You practically ran through the thin trees because you couldn’t bare to be away from the life of the party for too long and if you hadn’t happened to glance at the exact right moment you would have missed it. The Millennium Falcon. But Ben said he wouldn’t be back, so what was the Falcon doing at the base? And hidden, for that matter. The party would have to wait as you changed direction, inching towards the ship. After squinting through the trees, you realised you could see Ben sitting in the cockpit watching the party, looking mournful. You had to stop, it hurt your heart to see him with such an expression. It took him until you were practically underneath the window to notice you were there, at which point you watched him stand up and leave. For a second, you were afraid he was just going to go back to his room and not let you talk to him but instead he opened the lower hatch of the Falcon and came out.             ‘What are you doing here, Ben?’ You blurted out, half in surprise. ‘I, uhm, came back early.’ He replied, trailing his eyes over you; the same ghost of a smile that you saw earlier returning. ‘You look…nice.’ He reached a hand up to the flowers behind your ear.              ‘Oh, thank you-’ you stumbled, he had caught you completely off guard and caused the blood to rush unceremoniously to your cheeks. ‘So do you.’ Ben had changed his clothes. They were still of a similar fashion to what he wore that same morning but they were definitely cleaner. He had showered too; you could tell since his hair looked particularly soft and a little bit bouncy. It was most definitely a good look for him. Was he….?  You looked him up and down. ‘Ben. Were you planning to come to the party?’ You asked. It wasn’t as though you were planning to put him on the spot like that but you spoke before you had considered a more delicate phrasing. He looked down at the floor with his hands behind his back, swaying slightly.              ‘I was giving it some thought, since you insisted, but people seemed to be having a good time. I didn’t want to interrupt.'  ‘You wouldn’t be interrupting anything! You’re more than invited, come back with me. There are so many different foods and drinks to try, everyone’s dancing and having fun!’ You pleaded again, holding out an arm to gesture for him to walk alongside you. He hesitated. ‘Please, Ben. It’ll be good for you…’ you eventually trailed off, dropping your arm. Your gaze dropped too, it was a little bit disappointing being rejected again but you understood why he didn’t want to go and you couldn’t force him anyway. Still, you weren’t able to stop the sadness washing over your face. It hurt. Suddenly, you felt a warm, coarse hand envelop your own as you were tugged back in the direction from which you had came. Your eyes traced along his shoulder, down his arm and settled on your hands clasped in one another.            ‘I’ll go. If it will keep you as happy as you were when you were dancing by the fire, I’ll go.’ Ben looked straight ahead but even in the darkness you could see a slight tinge of red dusting his cheeks. As your yourself, you were almost scared that he was going to feel the speed of your pulse through your wrist. It was racing. The thumping echoed around in your head, ricocheting off your skull as you couldn’t believe what was happening. He was holding your hand. Ben was holding your hand. Did it mean anything? Or was he just trying to make an effort to be social? You hadn’t even considered what he had said alongside it. Dancing by the fire, you thought, was he…was he watching me? A small part of you wanted to ask him exactly that but you stopped yourself out of embarrassment for both you and him, you didn’t want to spoil this moment. It felt…special.           He stopped walking just a few metres behind the line of trees, which caused you to almost trip into him from the sudden halt. The celebrations illuminated his profile and you couldn’t help but think how beautiful he was in that second. He always looked nice but there was something particularly princely about him then. You could tell he was nervous about actually entering the party, so you took the initiative and helped him cross the final hurdle by in turn pulling him forward instead.                                                                                                                                                                                       -

The first ten or so minutes of Ben being at the party went over rather quietly. There were a couple of  people who snuck unkind glances at him or moved away from the two of you but you tried to reassure him that he was still welcome and wanted there. You took him over to the food first, jokingly hinting that he should try to Oantcrab soup you had made, which he did, and then you took him over to the drinks table. There were definitely fewer drinks than there had been previously but Ben didn’t seem to mind too much as he drank two practically straight away to ‘settle his nerves’ a little, since he had never been good around people. You understood what he meant as you had been very much the same. Much to your relief, Ben did seem a bit more relaxed after his drinks and you each helped yourselves to another before leaving the table and making your way over to a bench to listen to the music.             ‘It’s nice.’ he began. ‘I’ve never really been to anything like this.’ The usually solemn man continued, looking between you and the bonfire. ‘Are you enjoying it, though?’ You asked, the night was already better than you could have hoped for but seeing Ben enjoy himself too would have made it almost unreal.             ‘I am.’ Ben placed his hand down on the bench between you, maybe even slightly over halfway. He was leaning back on the bench with his drink in the other hand resting on top of his leg. Now you had come to think of it, this was probably the most relaxed you’d ever seen him and you couldn’t tell if your heart was calming down or speeding up, but there was most definitely a fluttering beat thumping against your chest. He looked so beautiful in the firelight, it warmed his dark eyes and hair, making them appear almost chocolate in the glowing heat. It felt as though your body moved on its own; tempting fate. You put your hand down next to where Ben’s was, only a few millimetres away and turned your gaze towards the fire. Out of the corner of your eye you saw the man’s head turn ever so slightly to look at the hands between the two of you before he turned back towards the fire. The sickening feeling of anxiety started to creep in around the edges that perhaps you had misread the situation, or that you were making Ben uncomfortable or that you had ruined the friendsh- Oh. His hand moved, taking yours in his own once again. After the few seconds it took to process what had happened, you turned your hand to hold the larger one properly. Neither of you said anything, but you heard Ben sigh when he realised you had returned his touch and he dropped the tension in his shoulders. After another moment, Ben drank the rest of his drink and you did the same. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence and you were happy enough to watch your many friends dancing. Besides, it gave Ben a little bit of time to process things because if this was a lot for you, it must have been so much more for him. No one seemed to be paying any attention to either of you, too wrapped up in their own fun and drunkenness to care. Ben gave your hand a little squeeze.            ‘Are you okay?’ He seemed tentative to speak so you reassured him that you were perfectly fine and that you hoped he was too. For as long as you had known Ben so far, he had never had a way with words but you understood that he was feeling a lot more than he expressed when he said he was also ‘good’. ‘Do you want to come and dance?’ you asked him and he paused, ‘I don’t want to dance on my own and it’s not often we all get together in the open air for fun.’            ‘I don’t really think I’m one for dancing.’ Ben answered, looking very firmly rooted to the spot.                 ‘It’ll be fine if we dance together, no one is watching and I’m sure that you’re not any worse than me!’ you joked, pulling Ben to his feet in the process. He definitely seemed hesitant, but he gripped your hand in a way that felt as though he was terrified of letting go now that he finally had it so close.                                                                                                                                                                                 You pulled him through the crowd interweaving throughout the different people dancing, trying to find a space comfortable enough for the both of you to fit since he wasn’t exactly a man of small build. After a short while you found an opening pretty close to the fire, not enough to be uncomfortably warm, just enough to keep off the night’s chilly air. Ben looked incredibly awkward, most likely wishing he could either escape back to the Falcon or had had the chance to have a few more drinks before he had been dragged out to the makeshift dance floor. However, now that you had him, you weren’t going to let him run away so easily. Telling him to relax would be pointless so you figured it would be best to just help him by making him feel less embarrassed. The band were playing a pretty up beat song so you started swaying and moving your connected arms to the tune of the music. You looked up and grinned at him, and was so pleasantly surprised to find that he was already smiling down at you. A soft, warm smile. Your heart skipped a sudden beat and you wondered if this is how he looked when he had been watching you dance from the Falcon’s cockpit. You grabbed his other hand and started moving that in beat with the other, effectively making him sway too. Of course, Ben still looked massively awkward and a little out of place but you could tell he was trying so what did it matter if you embarrassed yourself a little if it meant he could relax.          ‘No one is looking at us, don’t worry.’ You said as you started to move a little faster, kicking up your legs a little in the dusty soil and moving your body more freely. Ever so slowly, Ben started to move his body a little more too. It may have been just because you were physically so close to him but you couldn’t help to trace your eyes over his body: its size, the way it moved, how good he looked in that black t-shirt. You had to stop yourself from staring and to just live in the moment, reminding yourself that if anything was going to happen; it was going to happen at Ben’s discretion. Oh, but his hands feel so safe, you thought to yourself before remembering, again, to behave. Ben was still smiling at you dancing, he definitely wasn’t dancing with the same level of enthusiasm as you were attempting to, but he was trying in his own way and he did seem to be loosening up a little as the song progressed into another. You two of you were that way for a while, just getting comfortable with one another’s bodies and with being in the same space like that. You both danced that way for such a time that you could feel the sweat between your palms start to grow warm but you were too absorbed in Ben’s gaze to care, his dark eyes trailed your every move.          Over the course of next twenty minutes or so, other people started to drift back to the food, drinks and benches. You were starting to get a little tired of dancing and was about to suggest to Ben that you each go and get something else to drink but he let go of your hands before you had the chance. They moved to your waist.          ‘Ben?’ You must have looked confused because a glint of panic flickered across Ben’s face. ‘Oh, I’m sorry- do you not-’ He started sheepishly but you cut him off.          ‘I do! I do, I just don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, that’s all.’ You stumbled out, afraid he was going to take his hands away. ‘Ah. Okay. I’m not uncomfortable around you.’ Ben replied, moving his gaze away for a second, most likely out of nervousness for admitting something that was, to him, so intimate.           ‘That’s good to hear.’ You laughed trying to return to the fun atmosphere, and after a moment you pushed your hands up against his chest and onto his shoulders as you both continued to dance under a much closer proximity. You were relieved that you never got the chance to suggest moving. Although, this meant that you found yourself at a bit of a loss on how to physically act. You had wanted to be closer to Ben, and now you were; but you had always built walls to stop yourself from getting too close to him but Ben, himself, had broken them down within the course of just a night and you just couldn’t stop the racing of your heartbeat. Maybe his was racing too. The music was still upbeat but your bodies were a little more in-tune with each other from to the closeness of your chests. He still didn’t entirely dance, but he moved in a similar way to you and kept his hands tightly on your waist, not wanting to let you go. You moved one way and Ben moved the other, both of your legs kicking up the dry soil beneath you. You didn’t want to allow yourself to read into the moment too much, but you wanted to remember this exact second for as long as you lived. Dancing with Ben below the starry sky next to a warm, glowing fire. It was a dream. Maybe you could let yourself openly fall in love with him, because in this moment you most definitely were. Yes, you definitely loved Ben Solo.            You looked up into his eyes, slowing your movements. He did the same. You knew what you wanted to do, and Ben seemed to know it as well. As you moved onto your tip toes, Ben pulled you up to him by the waist and kissed you gently. It was soft, warm, and safe. The two of you remained like that for a few more seconds before you dropped yourself back down to normal height. You were smiling. When Ben opened his eyes again, he seemed to want to read your face before he let himself react to it, to make sure that you were happy with what had happened before he let himself be happy about it too. He smiled, properly smiled. You absolutely and entirely melted. You couldn’t believe that this night had happened. Ben had such a kind smile; you hadn’t realised he had sweet little dimples before now. You reached a hand up from his shoulder and cupped his face, stroking his cheek softly with your thumb. You could lightly feel the tips of his dark curls, they were so much softer than you were expecting.            ‘I’ve been hoping that would happen for a while.’ You had the sudden confidence to admit. ‘If I knew that, I would have done it earlier.’ He breathed out, chuckling towards the end of what he had said.                                                  After the kiss, the two of you went back to dancing for a few more songs since the music was slower now as the party was winding down for the evening. The dancing was a lot closer, softer than it had been beforehand; mainly consisting of swaying and hand holding but Ben just seemed so much more happier, you could almost feeling it radiating off him. He deserved this happiness, he had been through so much. Every time you remembered the kiss, happy tears threatened to spill over your cheeks. Ben had been feeling the same way as you and had been to scared to lose you if he had acted wrongly about it.            Eventually you both got too tired of the party to continue and began to feel a bit drained, Ben especially. It was a huge thing for him to come and be so social and you were sure he had used up all the emotions he could manage to process for the evening. He gingerly took your hand, offering to walk you back to the barracks for the night before he returned to the Falcon.            ‘Are you glad you came, Ben?’ You asked as you walked together. You couldn’t stop smiling, there was practically a spring in your step as you went along. Ben felt the same, his grin had settled into a smile at that point. ‘Of course, I had a good time. It was very-’ he tried to find the right word, ‘eye-opening.’ He almost let out a small laugh, giving your hand a squeeze. The walk to the barracks seemed much shorter than you had thought, and you found yourself not wanting to leave Ben’s company so soon. Even with this newfound intimacy, however innocent, Ben was still a friend you loved spending time. He sensed you were hesitant to say goodnight and offered an alternative.          ‘You can come back and sit up with me for a bit, if you’d like. I don’t think I’m going to sleep just yet.’ He smiled, raising his eyebrows in a cocky manner. You loved this happier, slightly more confident, Ben and wished he could be this way forever. ‘Are you sure I wouldn’t be intruding? I thought you wanted to do some reading tonight.’ You jokingly retorted, emphasising that he was going back on himself by inviting you over.            ‘I’m sure the book can wait.’

- NSFW WARNING Soon after, you found yourself in the Millennium Falcon’s cockpit. Obviously, there were many other places to sit inside of the Falcon, but you figured that Ben enjoyed being able to look out the window and sit in the pilot’s seat. He had told you on one occasion that he had always wanted to pilot the ship but had to wait many, many years before he was able to actually do so. He kept it relatively clean aside from the occasional mud he tracked through or coffee he spilled, so you could tell he cared greatly for the Falcon. You’d already been here many times so you were comfortable enough to just sit around and wait for Ben to do what he needed to do before he came to sit down. He had brought you a drink from the kitchen and then excused himself for a couple of minutes and had not returned yet. If anything, it gave you a quick breather to think about everything that happened. The night had gone better than you could have ever possibly imagined it could have. In the brief chance you had gotten to know Han, his father, before he died; you could see Ben had most definitely inherited the Solo genetics in being a bit of a flirt when the mood struck him. With Ben, it appeared much more subtle and a little anxious, but he was still undeniably his father’s son. You had recognised it in Ben’s cocky eyebrow raise and found yourself touching your lips at the memory.             ‘What are you thinking about there?’ The deep voice interrupted; he had clearly seen what you had been doing. ‘Nothing! Nothing for you to concern yourself with, Ben!’ To say you were blushing would have been a slight understatement.             ‘Is that right? Well, anyway. I just came to ask if you wanted to spend the night here because I imagine the barracks are going to pretty erh- noisy, tonight.’ He laughed softly before rushing to add ‘I can set up a bed in one of the spare rooms. I wasn’t suggesting any-’            ‘It’s okay, I get it! Don’t worry, but yeah, I’d appreciate that actually. I know you don’t stay in the barracks but trust me, I’ve seen some horror stories. The chance to sleep somewhere quite sounds great.’ You quickly added to try and save him the embarrassment. You noticed Ben turned very, very red and left not long after, leaving you to put your head in your hands at the very thought of what he had accidentally implied. You weren’t entirely sure how much Ben could do with the Force, since you didn’t understand too much about it, but God, you hoped he couldn’t read your mind in that moment. You started fanning at your face in a feeble attempt to cool yourself before he came back. It’s not that you hadn’t thought about stuff like that before but you had spent so long pushing off those thoughts in regards to Ben specifically; so when he was the one who mentioned it, the thoughts caught you off guard. They were not, by any means, unpleasant but you were a touch worried about getting ahead of yourself.           He returned a couple of minutes later, saying that he’d set up a room and you were welcome to use it if you wanted, to which you were very grateful. The tall man seemed to hover for a few seconds before sitting down on the seat next to you, he looked a little tense so you tried to talk the awkwardness out of the situation. You asked him about his trip to the Viodet system and what he had gotten up to, about his training and anything else you could think of off the top of your head. He took your hand mid-sentence and held it clasped within is own on top of his thigh. This movement almost caused you to stutter your words but you managed to remain composed for a moment whilst the two of you continued talking. You weren’t sure at what point he started rubbing your hand with his thumb but you couldn’t help but melt when you realised it was happening. The two of you sat that way for some time, lost in conversation for another hour or so until you couldn’t help but stifle a yawn.         ‘Oh, I didn’t mean to keep you up. I can show you to the room I set up if you want. There’s already toiletries in there, it’s only a ration one but it’s better than nothing.’ He said as he stood up, you couldn’t help but admire the height difference at this angle. ‘Thank you for putting me up for the night, I don’t imagine I would have gotten any sleep in the barracks since other people won’t be doing much sleeping either.’ You laughed, rising to your feet with your hand still enveloped in Ben’s.          You walked back through the corridors of the Falcon, trailing slightly behind Ben. He knew these corridors like the back of his own hand, it was obvious how he cared for them. The two of you walked in a comfortable silence as he led you towards your room. He stopped outside and turned, leaning up the wall opposite the door.           ‘Everything should be in there…’ He seemed as though he had more to say but was struggling to find the words, ‘Can I…’ ‘Of course.’ You whispered back, so he pulled you closer. Ben looked a little nervous and you swore you could see his hand shaking slightly as he tilted your head upwards. As soon as he placed his lips on yours, you realised how deprived you felt of that soft warmness since your last kiss just hours earlier. Without realising you were doing so, you slid your arms around his neck and buried your fingertips in his dark curls as your lips moved against his. Tentatively, he slid his tongue against your parted lips, asking for permission which you immediately granted. You lost yourself in the kiss, in Ben. He was so gentle, understanding as you moved with each other. He pulled you closer with his free hand so that your body was pressed up against his as he lent back on the wall. A small moan escaped your lips when you felt Ben’s breath hitch in his throat. Clearly, he was having as good a time as you were. It was all new territory, but it was evident that he was getting a little more confident as he began to deepen the kiss. He spun the both of you around so instead you were the one with your back pressed upon the corridor wall, his one arm grabbing you at the waist and the other with his forearm on the wall above you. The flowers that had been tucked behind your ear now lay forgotten on the floor, not that you minded at that point. You couldn’t lie, Ben having you pinned against a wall was really turning you on.          The kiss became more desperate as you tightened your grip on his hair and one of his legs went between yours. You pulled away for a second to gasp for air before going almost straight back into it. Now you had felt Ben this way, you didn’t want to stop; and neither did he. Lightly, you bit at his lower lip and in return he touched the bare strip of skin that had become exposed at your waist, sending shivers up your spine. Ben seemed to enjoy this reaction and moved away from your lips for a second to kiss feverishly down the side of your next neck, wanting to see what other reactions he could invoke. He got cocky, choosing a point between your neck and shoulder and putting his mouth, and eventually teeth, on it: producing a dark purple mark by the time he was through. You couldn’t help but moan audibly into his ear. After a few more minutes of the beautiful torture, you felt something hard against the side of your leg. You broke off the kiss for a few seconds, leaving you both panting. Ben leaned to rest his forehead on your shoulder, not wanting to make eye contact.           ‘Ben… you’re...’ You whispered breathlessly. ‘I know, don’t worry about it… I’m not expecting you to do anything .’ He breathed back, sounding a little embarrassed. You swallowed, deciding what to do. You were so turned on that your thighs had started to ache and you weren’t sure you would be able to sleep now even if you had wanted to, you wanted to keep touching Ben;           ‘I know it’s a bit fast, but I’m okay with it if you are.’ ‘I don’t… want to take advantage of you.’ Ben sighed, preparing to move himself away.            ‘You’re not, I want to do it.’ You said, with enough conviction that he couldn’t doubt your commitment despite your own embarrassment of never being in this situation before. Ben sighed into your neck, ‘I do too.'            ‘Shall we move somewhere else then?’ You asked and as soon as the last word left your mouth, Ben already had his strong arms underneath your legs to pick you up bridal style. He went right back into passionately kissing you as he carried you through the corridor, missing the door to the room you were supposed to be spending the night in. In between the kisses you asked, ‘Where are we going?’. Ben barely stopped kissing you long enough to mumble back a response of ‘my room’ and it made your heart skip another beat and your thighs tense, you couldn’t believe what was happening but you absolutely did not, under any circumstances, want it to stop. - Ben’s room was too dark to really see anything as he carried you in, not that it mattered at that point anyway. He placed you down into the middle of the large bed, pulled off his t-shirt and climbed on top of you. While you were also thankful for the darkness since you were a bit self-conscious of your own body, you wished you had the chance to admire Ben’s. He must have sensed you were tentative to touch his bare skin because he whispered ‘it’s okay’ before starting to undo your shirt slightly to kiss around your collarbones, slowly leading onto your chest. As he did this, you took his lead and lightly traced the slopes and dips of his shoulders, arms and back while sighing under the touch of his lips.              After a few more moments Ben had your shirt undone but struggled to do the same with your bra, meaning that you got to laugh at him for a second before undoing it in his stead. He muttered a comment about it being too dark to see anything anyway and continued moving upwards to kiss you, using one hand to support himself and the other to caress your chest. It was noticeable, to you at least, that Ben was more confident in the dark and you figured it mostly down to the fact that he couldn’t be seen, so didn’t have to hide his emotions so much. You shuddered as his warm hand touched your skin so freely, you could have never even imagined that even that would feel as good as Ben was making it. Perhaps the darkness wasn’t so bad, you could always just feel your way around. Both of your hands returned back into gripping the man’s hair as he moved to kiss at your chest, abdomen and waist. One of his hands dropped to where your trousers began and he looked up, making sure you were happy for him to do this. You were. You were so, so happy for him to do this. It took another helping hand to get your trousers off since you also had to take your boots off too but soon everything was discarded on the floor, leaving you in just your underwear. Ben took everything except for his boxers off and even in the dark, the outline of his body was impeccable.             ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ He asked again in a hushed tone. ‘Definitely.’ You replied, pulling him down on top of you as if you prove your point. As the kissing resumed, you moved your free hand up his tensed thigh and across the material of his boxers, lightly touching the side of his erection. He was showing you so much attention and you were desperate to give some back. This was a first for you, since there wasn’t exactly time for romance in the Resistance. You had always assumed instinct would take over but you had never seen, let alone touched, a dick. It appeared that this was going to be something you just had to learn as you went along as you curled your fingers around the shaft through the fabric, moving slowly up and down; earning a heated grunt from Ben in response. You couldn’t judge by comparison, but you could tell that Ben was pretty big and somehow getting bigger. Is that going to…fit? You wondered briefly but had your thoughts interrupted by Ben moaning into your neck before he went back into biting and leaving lovebites where he had done so earlier.            You figured that if he enjoyed what you were doing, he might enjoy it even more if you were to do it underneath the fabric. Slipping your fingers beneath his waistline, you grabbed his bare dick in your hand and began moving in a similar fashion. You hadn’t expected Ben to enjoy it that much as he bit down on your shoulder, causing you both to moan. It felt so good to hold him like this that you were sad to see him move away after a few minutes like that, but he moved to pull your own underwear down so you knew there was much more to come. He moved to lay down on his stomach, grabbing and kissing at your thighs with hunger. Ben rested his head just on top of your navel, looking up at you. It felt a little weird being so naked with another person, but you trusted Ben, wholeheartedly. You trusted him when he was just a friend, and you trusted him even more now that you felt so vulnerable.           ‘You’ll have to show me how you like it, I haven’t done this before.’ He admitted, looking a little embarrassed. ‘That’s okay, it’s my first time too.’ You cupped under his face, whispering back. The innocence of it all melted your heart, you felt like a pair of sweethearts. He smiled into your hand, kissing your palm before returning to kiss your thighs. You couldn’t stop your legs shaking in anticipation even though he had barely touched you. He moved your legs a little further apart and began kissing up and down your entrance, the sensation caused you to screw your hands into balls on top of his bedsheets. He started to use his tongue more, alternating between different movements while still squeezing your thighs at times and you couldn’t help but throw your hands into his hair. You had never felt anything like it, it was so new and wonderful and you were so thankful to be experiencing it with Ben. It was such a relief to finally be able to express your feelings for him. He listened to your moans and adapted what he was doing in accordance to it, he truly wanted to make you feel good and was more than willing to give you the attention to make it happen. You were thankful that there was no one else aboard the Falcon because you weren’t sure you were able to muffle your whimpers brilliantly, his tongue just felt too good.           Not long after, you felt something begin to tighten in your abdomen. The constant movement of his tongue against you made the pressure build and build until you were practically crying for release. As you felt your finish nearing, you couldn’t help but squeeze his head between your thighs and grab at his dark curls. Ben was gentlemanly in giving you what you wanted and yet still so ruthless at the same time with how he pushed you closer and closer to the edge until he eventually hit the exact right spot and the tension realised, bursting you into an orgasm.            ‘A-ah! Ben…’ you moaned his name, you couldn’t stop your legs from shaking and Ben had to help you steady them for a moment. He was hopeful that he had done a good job, but seeing you look so content and blissful cemented that fact for him. He crawled up towards you and laid on your chest to give you a chance to recover. You sat letting out soft sighs as you curled your fingertips around his hair until you told him you were ready to continue, at which point he took his boxers off. Being polite and a bit worried, he asked you once again if you were sure you wanted to continue. Of course, you were.            Tentatively, he slid a singular finger partway inside of you. You were right, Ben was rather well-endowed and it was apparent that he wasn’t going to be able to ‘slide right in’ like you had heard was capable from gossip in the barracks. You were already sensitive, but even his finger felt good as he curled it before continuing to add a second. The addition of the second finger caused you to begin moaning again, which Ben took as a sign to pick up speed. Several kisses were shared and you whimpered when he moved away from kissing to get himself into position above.             ‘Are you certain you want this?’ Ben asked once again. He was still a little nervous that perhaps you had changed your mind, that you didn’t want this or even want him. How could you let Ben know how worthy of love and reciprocation he was? You knew he was scared that the two of you had moved too fast, and honestly you were a little scared of it too, but you trusted Ben and had already fought off the urges to love him for too long. You were entirely ready to fall. ‘I do.’ You whispered, leaning up to kiss his form as he hovered above you. He nodded slightly, using one of his hands to try and guide his member into place. Since it was both of your first times, you had to help him a little before Ben pushed slowly into you.           He had only put the tip in but the pain was still sharp and you took a quick intake of breath. Ben had done a good job in loosening you up beforehand and he couldn’t exactly help that he was blessed with a lot to work with down there but panic set in his features when he realised he was hurting you. Ben tried to pull away so you had to tell him to stay and just hold it there for a second so you could adjust. He was still worried and planted small, butterfly kisses along the exposed skin he could reach until you told him it was okay to keep moving. At first, it was a bit of a slow process because there was a lot to adjust to, but Ben was patient and as gentle as he could be with you until the whole of his length was in. When he was completely inside of you from tip to base, the man couldn’t help but groan quietly in your ear.           ‘Let me know when you’re ready for me to move.’ His deep voice was huskier than usual, the sensation of his hot breath on your neck giving you goosebumps. The size of him was a little bit uncomfortable at first but after about a minute or so, you were ready and gave him the go ahead. He started slowly pulling back out before going almost entirely back in, it was still a little sore but you were sure it would get easier. After a few of these slow thrusts, it started to feel good and some small moans escaped your lips. It appeared that Ben was waiting to make sure you were enjoying it before he allowed himself to experience his own pleasure.            You couldn’t help but cry out his name as he began to thrust deeper into you, getting slightly more confident with his hip movement. The soreness had practically subsided and you were able to lose yourself in the feeling of Ben hitting you again and again. When you arched your back, he kissed your chest. When you moaned his name, he groaned in response. When you squeezed your thighs around his waist, he shuddered and thrusted harder. It was so passionate, needy even. He was giving you his upmost attention. Sweat began to form and drip down from both of your bodies from the heat between you. You reached a shaking hand up to Ben’s face to push his damp hair aside before pulling him into a somewhat sloppy kiss. It was still difficult to believe that Ben was touching you this way, you never would have believed it if someone had told the you-of-just-two-hours-ago that this would be happening. He set himself in the rhythm which he found made you moan the loudest, gripping your thighs to steady them once they begun to shake. You wished you could see the image of Ben on top of you more clearly but the darkness allowed you to feel every touch, every graze and every thrust with unmatched intensity. He hit one spot inside of you that caused you to almost choke into the kiss, it was so unbelievably sensitive that you couldn’t process anything for a few seconds. When he continued to keep aiming for that spot, the pressure started to form in your abdomen once again; this time much more strongly than it had done previously. The build up was almost too much as you dragged you nails down Ben’s scarred back, not being able to help yourself. He didn’t seem to mind it, if anything, he was just pleased he was able to make you feel that good. The speed of his thrusts began to pick up and get a little more erratic as you guessed he was starting to get close too.           ‘God…Ben!’ you groaned, your mouth started to dry from the panting. The pounding was driving you insane as you called his name on loop until suddenly the pressure was too much and you let out a broken scream as you came again, shaking somewhat violently underneath him. Ben’s thrusting slowed for a few seconds as he muttered a ‘fuck’ under his breath, trying not to finish just yet. However, the sensation of your orgasm was making that incredibly difficult for him.           Since he was still moving, it prolonged your orgasm until you all but collapsed beneath him with each thrust sending a new wave through your body. When Ben picked up his speed again, it was a rougher, desperate even. You could barely manage more than a small whimper at each new thrust since your mind had gone completely blank from the orgasm. After about another minute or so, Ben let out his loudest groan yet and quickly pulled out of you; finishing down your thigh instead. His breath hitched a couple of times in his throat as he came and you watched as the outline of his shoulders tensed and relaxed. Soon, he rolled off and collapsed in the bed beside you; each of you needing the chance to catch your breath. Ben turned his head to kiss your bare shoulder and in response you moved onto your side to wrap yourself around his one arm.           ‘Ben…’ You whispered. ‘Yeah?’ He panted. The words were on the very tip of your tongue but you were scared of saying them. They were heavy; you didn’t want to say anything that could ruin the moment and taint the evening that the two of you had shared. And yet, you couldn’t stop yourself:          ‘I think I’ve loved you for a while.’ He paused for a moment, ‘I think I already knew. I didn’t want to drag anyone into getting involved with me, but I couldn’t stop you from making your way into my head. Everywhere I turned, you were there with open arms. Even when I couldn’t accept myself, you accepted me.’          The two of you laid there for a while longer exchanging small kisses and pillow talk before you went to get cleaned up, giving Ben a chance to change his sheets since they had gotten too messy to sleep in. It was only when you had gotten to the bathroom that you remembered the dark purple marks Ben had left on your neck. You lightly traced them with your finger, thinking that they were pretty. Whilst you were certain to get some odd looks over them the next day, you were happy to have gotten them. When you returned, he handed you one of his t-shirts to sleep in since you didn’t bring any clothes with you after the party and you quickly slipped it on. Before he put one of his own t-shirts on again, you kissed the scratches you had left down his back, muttering a small apology for them but he kissed your forehead and said not to worry about it because he had gotten ‘much worse’ injuries before. He even let out a little chuckle before suggesting the two of you finally got some sleep. You ended up not spending the night in the spare room Ben had prepared for you at all, but instead in his bed, held safely against him.

[imagine-what-would-happen]

Since the Beginning (Ben Solo Fan Fiction Part 3)

Here ya go guys! Enjoy and don’t forget to let me know if you want to be tagged in future instalments!

Words: 2.4k+

Warning: A bit sad/ morbid, talks about falling/ jumping off a cliff.

Tags: @bensoloslover​

Link to Part 2

Link to Part 4

Link to Masterlist

Ben had probably never slept this much in his life. Between homeschooling, training in combat, training to become a Jedi, late nights up with Y/N, and then doing absolutely everything for the dark side... he was lucky to get a few hours of rest every other day; he would never admit it, but he was starting to break fairly quickly. He wasn’t keeping track of days properly, nor plans. As the light fighters brought Ben to the awaiting ship he tried desperately to keep his eyes on his best friend, his heavy heavy eyes. A blink seemed harmless, so he did it. Then another. Soon he would blink and they would already be aboard the ship ready for lift-off, everyone strapped in safely. Another blink and he caught Y/N looking at him, he couldn’t make out her facial expression. One more blink and he saw her laughing and talking with everyone. It was only a pure second of a moment but he could see the happiness in her eyes, the feeling of belonging she had among them. It made his heart sink. He had only ever felt that way with her, he thought it had been the same for her. He finally let his eyes remain closed, enveloped in the darkness that was inevitable for him.

In the darkness, Ben saw remnants of light passing by his closed eyelids. Swaying back and forth, at first it was peaceful, right until it wasn’t. Trying to press his eyes closed even harder only gave him a headache. Reluctantly he slowly started blinking awake, light piercing his dark eyes. He could see the source of the overbearing light source, a tear in the roof of his tent. Tent. They weren’t on the ship anymore. Ben carefully pushed himself up, wincing with every uncomfortable breath he took. He could feel the air pushing through the ripped part of the tent and shivered, shivering made the wound feel worse. It was only then he realized he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Although being in a fairly good physique, he hated people seeing him shirtless, it meant that they saw him bare, saw him for who he was. There was nothing more to hide behind. He wouldn’t have it.

Gently he slid off the makeshift bed, holding his bandaged abdomen he began shuffling around the area, searching for his sweater, or anything at all to cover him. It's not like he was even in a room by himself, it was a tent, barely anything to separate him from the ruckus the resistance fighters were making outside. Odd, he stopped in his tracks. It sounded as if they were celebrating, although it seemed to only be morning, early afternoon at best. He shook it off, he would deal with them later. As he kept shuffling around and finding nothing but supplies he became aggravated. Dropping useless materials to the ground impatiently. Those idiots out there probably stole his shirt as some dumb childish prank. He walked over to the entrance to the tent to go give them a piece of his mind until he was met face to face with Y/N who was holding his sweater as she entered his tent.

“H-hi...” She said softly, a lingering smile on her bright face, it was beautiful, all of her was deeply beautiful to him.

“Hello,” Ben replied, and without thinking, taking his sweater out of her hands. “Should I ask what you were doing with this?” he questioned as he pulled it over his head, his arms sliding through the sleeves. Did she have a hand in the supposed prank or did she retrieve it back from them? He had made his way back a few steps from her. He wasn’t sure what to think yet... he still needed space from her. The person before him, although familiar in a way, was a stranger in a million other ways.

The smile faded rather quickly from her lips, “Ben I was getting it sewn up for you, that is unless you want your abs on display for everyone here? Show them how the dark side does it?” She smirked, crossing her arms. He could tell she felt satisfied with herself being able to hold this light vs dark situation over him. Would she call him a traitor? He felt so uncertain of himself around her.

Ben watched her from across the tent, the light source flickering around the mostly covered space, it would have been distracting if it was anyone else in front of him. “Get over it.” He sighed, “Or don’t, either way I’m leaving.” He put his hands on his hips, suddenly realizing he didn’t have his lightsaber. “Damn it” he muttered, feeling frantic all over again, beginning the search through the tent once more.

“Ben, you’re not gonna get your weapon back, at least not any time soon. And you’re not leaving.” She followed him around the tent, trying to push herself in front of him to get his attention. “Leia told me that they took apart your ship. You sure wouldn’t be allowed to take one of ours back to your Superlamacy” She tried to laugh but could tell that he was not amused.

He turned his attention to her. “Leia. How about we start with that? Or how bout we start with this?” He reached for her lightsaber, dangling at her waist, not realizing how close it was connected to her belt, he ended up pulling Y/N’s body onto his. For a moment he was going to be embarrassed but he could not get over her newly unveiled life... how close she truly was all this time.

“Ben.” She whispered in a pleading voice. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know, but don’t leave.” She searched his dark eyes, pressing her hand onto his chest.

He let go of her, turning around and running his hands through his hair, tugging just slightly. “I can’t just abandon the First Order!” He stated matter of factly but it came out harsher than he meant it.

There was silence. “Oh but you can abandon your family.” There was a sigh.

Ben didn’t know what to say, he looked at the ground, pulling at the back of his neck. Where was she all this time...? Had she been imprisoned for a full year? He doubted it, with how important she seemed to everyone, it had probably happened fairly recently. That only meant that she knew what was happening in their connection and decided to not contact him anymore, not even try to reach out through other means to him. She could really just end their relatio- friendship... just like that.

“Y/N, they haven’t been my family for a long time. But you’ve always been, even after all this time.” He whispered. “I need you to understand”, he paused, it was quiet, turning around he saw was alone in the tent. Force or not, at least her disappearing act hadn’t changed after everything that had happened.

It had been several hours until Ben decided to unveil himself from the ripped tent, the celebrations were still going and no one paid any mind to him. They had realized that they didn’t win the war, right? Although, he couldn’t quite blame them. He was sure that if he had been around Y/N for as long as them, he probably would have had the same reaction to her return. He had known her since they were children, but they didn’t have enough meetings that were long enough, they didn’t know anything about one another. Well, he guessed he just didn’t know anything about her in the end.

She knew he was Ben Solo and yet, she never said anything, never treated him any differently. He couldn’t tell if he was hurt or ecstatic at the fact. He didn’t want to be treated differently, but if she knew, and didn’t care who he was... It could have saved him a lot of worried nights and panic attacks whenever someone would near say his last name while he was seeing her through the Force. He would near tackle people to shut them up, it was difficult making up excuses for both Y/N and the person being tackled but he didn’t care. As long as his secret was kept. As long as nothing changed between them. But everything had changed... everything.

He saw all the people. They were drinking, feasting, dancing, all talking to one another, they were one big family, it seemed impossible with how many there were of them but it was if they all knew one another their entire lives. War truly did bring people together, in some strange way. Ben took a deep breath. It felt too much for him. He wasn’t sure if he was just overwhelmed by all the idiots, or just jealous that he never had this; he never had the chance to get this, any of it, the love and happiness, the cheers and laughter. It felt as though the position he was born into, the lineage he carried within his veins, it stripped him of all his rights to happiness.

Slowly, after trying and failing to make his way through the bubbling crowd of people to find a spacecraft, he made his way into the woods. He stumbled, trying to grab onto each tree trunk, taking deep breaths, memories flashed past his mind. All those days alone at home, all the times he was excluded in his Jedi lessons because everyone knew who his grandfather was or thought that their master was favouring him. Every intoxicating moment with Y/N, just to have it slip through his fingers and stab him in the back. The one true thing in his life was just a lie, another thing he couldn’t have. Pressing his back into the tree trunk he slid down until he hit the dirt, his fingers pressing deep into it, needing to grab onto something. Seeing a small boulder across from him he 

began levitating it using the only thing he could control anymore, the Force.

He saw its deformities, the dents, the sharped edges, the dirt and bacteria surrounding it. Although, he pondered, was it really deformed? Could someone pick up a single boulder or rock and say this is it, this is the perfect boulder that all others must be like. He figured not, obviously, stupidly... but then, why did he feel that he had that same weight upon his shoulders? Trying to hold up several tons of boulders with nothing but the flesh that he is... He would never be enough to hold up the responsibilities and consequences of his lineage, just as the boulder would not be enough, not be enough to anyone. It would be paid no mind. Just like him.

He sent the boulder flying, picking himself up, he heard a crash and walked away without a flinch. He was going back to the only place anyone held regard for him. He was going home.

The son of Organa and Solo walked along the edge of the cliff, he thrived when under pressure. Focusing one foot in front of the other one at a time, he heard the waves crashing below, the air flying its way upward to him, he breathed it all in. He would in fact miss this. He missed being on planets... When he would become Supreme Leader, he would make their base on a beautiful planet, enough being worried about being blown up and sucked into the vacuum of space constantly. If he was going to take over absolutely everything, he would do it in style.

Taking one last look at the setting light over the horizon, Ben thought over his options or lack thereof. He had to leave, there was nothing else he could do here as if anyone wanted him here. But... leaving Y/N, maybe never seeing her again. He was reluctant to follow through with the thought. She had gotten caught once, what if the next time she wasn’t taken prisoner, what if... what if he took her as his prisoner?

A sly smile formed around the young Solo’s lips. He was not going to lose anymore, he would take what he wanted. He would make her happy, he would make her see that she would be safer with him. Just as he was about to step away from the cliff he sighed heavily, stopping before he made any tracks, he knew he was blindsiding himself. He knew before he ever met her in person that she loved the thrill of danger, she was happiest here. She was happy even when he wasn’t in her life. He groaned sitting down on the edge, letting his legs dangle over. He wished to fall.

He didn’t want to fall to die, but just to release all power over everything. Let gravity take over as it pulled him to its core or as close to it as it could. Let the airflow through his clothes, past his dark locks, breathing in the cold air to fill his lungs as deeply as possible. Letting his stomach feel as if it were rising through him as he fell. He adored the feeling of falling.

There were a few favourable memories he had with his father, but the few that he did have were spectacular. He amused over the one time he was brought aboard the Falcon, his father did tight twists and turns past several asteroids. Ben was initially hiding behind his father’s piloting chair, gripping the leather, but soon realized his father was perfectly in control of every moment. As soon as he knew he was safe he let himself get pulled around the ship as the turns and bumps came, laughter erupting from him so loudly and much that his stomach began to hurt but he couldn’t care for the life of him.

Ben found a lingering smile on his lips. Could he really leave again? As much as he felt out of place here... what if he could become one with these people? Finally, make a name for himself properly. He was beyond confused as to what to do. As the dark settled and the familiar stars above began to glimmer in their posthumous way he decided he would make the final call in the morning. Laying back on his elbows, he looked on in wonder, trying to figure out if he knew any of these constellations. He had always wanted to do this with Y/N... their time together was never long enough for it to happen. He never had enough time for anything, for once, he was going to relish in these quiet moments of darkness.

[charnine]

Quick Reylo Drabble

Rey sits up and stares at the male figure with her in awe. It doesn't even register at first what he has done for her. She is only happy to see him. Understanding finally clicks when she recalls her last conscious thought. She had died thinking of him. At least, what she had perceived as death. It shouldn't be possible to bring her back, and yet he had performed this miracle.

He is still holding on to her, supporting her. 

"Ben." Although she says his name quietly, through their bond it comes across like a glorious proclamation of her feelings. There is reverence mixed with amazement in his gaze, as if he can scarcely believe that there can be so much tenderness in her tone towards him. She's elated and unable to keep from smiling. 

Her eyes desperately search his for affirmation that she is not alone in what she feels. She doesn't need to as their connection practically sings his concordance. The harmony of their bond was pure bliss. This was how it was always meant to be. 

She touched his face gently, her next actions driven completely by instinct. Her mouth crashes over his like the waves of Kef Bir. He drinks her in. Like the ocean water, she tastes a bit salty, as her tears run down and catch on her lips. Unlike seawater however, he can keep drinking his fill of Rey. Thirst is something Rey knows all too well, and she has no shame in quenching herself on Ben. She is inexperienced, and something tells her he hasn't done this much either. But there's no awkwardness in how their lips fit and move together, as if this was their very purpose. 

Twelve seconds. That's how long the kiss goes on for. Though to Rey, this moment might go on forever. That's how profoundly it's seared into her memory. For long as she lives she will never forget this. She's waited so long. Not just the wretched year she's kept herself from their connection, from him, but the many lonely years in Jakku that had passed waiting for him to return to her. Now she knew, she understood. His was the voice that had called to her in her dreams. This was why she was so convinced that someone was coming back for her, because deep down inside she knew her parents were gone. The conviction she had was for Ben. Their bond had been forged in the stars, long before they had met, long before they had existed. They were two halves of the same soul that had been born again and again in different bodies, throughout time, throughout space, always seeking out each other. They belonged to neither the Light nor the Dark, they were the very essence of the Force itself. 

His face splits into a huge grin, and she is certain she has never seen anything so beautiful in her life. Not the lush forests of Takodana, not the rocky beaches of Ahch-To, not the all swirling galaxies of space. The toothy smile, the laugh lines that crinkle around Ben's eyes and mouth, the tiny constellations of moles that dotted his face, that was a true vision to behold. 

In that moment he exudes radiance, like a dying star. She feels his joy, his wonder, and his gratitude that the universe had allowed him this. She is overcome as well by the sheer rightness of their connection. This was true belonging, the home that she had desperately sought all this time. There was something else too, those unspoken words that fluttered at the edge of their shared consciousness. After all they've been through, they were still too nervous to speak them out loud. She should tell him. There was so much she wanted to convey to him, but there would be time for that. He needed care. She needed to get him to the ship. She was still too drained herself to heal him. She- 

Everything happened so quickly, and yet it felt like she was suddenly stuck in slow motion. By the time she realized that the light was already fading from his eyes, that his body grew slack and was no longer gripping her, he had already fallen. 

Before she could even begin to process what had happened, his body faded into nothingness, leaving only his clothes and the soft musky fragrance that clung to them to indicate that Ben Solo had ever been there. 

He was gone. And yet... he wasn't. Otherwise, her soul would have screamed as it was ripped in two. He had become one with the Force. Technically, he was everywhere, but physically she was left clutching a slightly tattered black sweater with a hole where she had put a saber through it. She had felt the shadow of it slicing through herself as she did it. When she had healed him she had been ready to pour every bit of herself into atoning for that mistake, her entire life force if it demanded it. She hadn't guessed at the time that her dyad mate had similar inclinations.

Twelve seconds, that's all she had him for. She could feel him console her through the Force... I will always be with you. Not like this, she thinks bitterly, This isn't what I imagined. When the time came, she would join him in that world. But in this world how could she spend her days and nights being deprived of his touch? She wasn't a Jedi, not truly. She couldn't possibly walk the path of asceticism knowing she could've had a future with her perfect companion, who had been born just for her, who was made for her in every way, spiritually, emotionally, and physically and been so close to living a fulfilling life with him. The regret would eat at her every single day. 

No! She snarls at the universe. I am not your plaything! All you've done is take from me and him. After everything she had done, everything she's sacrificed, she was owed better. 

She had seen his future with her, solid and clear, not ashes and smoke and the whispers of ghosts. She did not cry, for she had read in the ancient Jedi texts, of a world between worlds, and instinctively she knew that her Ben was waiting there. She will find him. She will bring him home. 

For him, she would defy the universe.

[themadlostgirl]

Not Dead Yet (Part 83)

*Fuck it. This is what we’re doing.*

Pairing: Reader x Peter Pan

Warnings: language

I wished I could have stayed asleep forever. In my dreams I was blissfully unaware of all the pain reality had. But even on Neverland you can’t pretend that much. I woke up and ran my hand along the upturned earth next to me.

Peter…

I couldn’t bring myself to leave the spot for a long time. It wasn’t until Candace flew overhead and landed in front of me that I even stopped staring at the grave. “Hey girl,” I placed her in my lap, “I’m glad you’re still around.”

She gave a small chirp and nestled her head against my chest. I took a deep breath and stood up with Candace still cradled in my arms. The island was cold. Why is it--right--I’m the new tie to the island. I focused on the warmth Candace was emitting and forced it out into the world until everything was balmy again.

I made my way back to camp and saw the boys were quiet and subdued. Upon my arrival they watched as I passed by. I came upon Peter and I’s tent and set Candace down outside it. I looked back at the boys and drew myself up as tall as I could.

I’m the leader now. I need to be strong.

I saw Felix in the shadows glaring. He stood up and made his way over to me. “It’s you now huh?” he said.

“Seems so. Is that a problem?” I asked.

He shook his head. “God knows I don’t want to be in charge of these idiots. Sorry you got stuck with it.”

“I will be needing a second in command if you’re interested.”

He gave me a small smirk. “It could be worse I suppose. At least I’m not taking orders from Verne or Devin.”

“I’m right here, Felix.” Verne grumbled.

“I know.” he kicked him lightly, “What’s your point?”

“Okay then. Boys!” I stood up on a nearby rock so I could see the entire camp, “My brothers. Last night I made a horrible mistake and it ended in our leader, Peter Pan, dying. I cannot bring him back though I wish with every fiber of my being I could.”

“The ones responsible for this unspeakable loss think they are safe back in their little town of Storybrooke. They think that we are dead. But we are not! We are here. We have survived. We will continue to survive for we are more than lost children. We are more than brothers in arms. We are the family we sought. Here we were granted a new life away from those that shunned us or abandoned us. We are feared! We are deadly! And we will not go calmly into the night! We make our own rules and break them again!”

The boys cheered.

“I am going to go back to Storybrooke and I will eradicate the miserable lives of those that wronged us. For this is more than retribution for the death of our leader. It is a personal slight against all that he created. Peter gave us a home here. He gave us a family among one another. I will not let those heroes’ efforts to destroy that go unpunished. Who is with me!”

The boys cheered louder and louder until it turned into a thunderous chant.

“Y/N! Y/N! Y/N!”

“Devin!” I shouted and he was at my side.

“Yes my leader?” he smirked and gave an exaggerated bow.

“Shut up. Felix, you get over here too.” I motioned for him to get closer, “First thing is first, with Peter dead and me as the new leader we need to keep the peace. I know I wound them up with that speech but that doesn’t mean we won’t have defectors. Felix, I want you to take Ben and try and weed out the bad seeds. Nip that shit in the bud. Got it?”

“Understood.”

“Good. Devin, you are coming with me to Storybrooke. Before that I want you to get Nick and Cubby. Give them the magic bean to start a new crop. After we have things settled here we’ll head out to Storybrooke. I think my shadow should be able to get us there without any issue.”

“Of course.”

The boys split up and I went about the camp keeping on a brave face and twirling my club in hand. I passed by Peter and I’s tent and sighed. I can’t bring him back but killing an entire town would definitely make me feel better.

~~~

When I was satisfied that things on the island were in order I called my shadow. It grabbed Devin and I and lifted us into the sky as it flew us out of Neverland. The fact that I have this power so suddenly is gonna take some getting used to. Maybe after I destroy all of Storybrooke I’ll come back and practice.

“This is where you were?” Devin looked around at the town.

“Yep.” I felt no bittersweet emotions stepping foot back in this place. The familiar streets only served as a reminder of all that had been stolen from me for twenty eight years. “Follow me. There’s someone I need to pay a visit to.”

We walked down the street until we got to an apartment building. I told Devin to wait outside and went in myself. I knocked on the door and waited. When it swung open there was Emma who took a step back when she saw me.

“Marigold!” Emma clasped me in her arms, “You’re here! How? We saw Gold push you over the ship.”

“Yep…he said that he wasn’t going to wait to kill me like he did last time.” I spat, “Next thing I know I’m over the edge of the boat and falling to my death. Peter caught me and brought me back to the island.” I walked around the apartment. Mary Margaret, David, Regina and Henry were looking at me like I had risen from the dead. “Not that any of you turned around to get me or anything.”

“Marigold, I swear we--”

“My name is Y/N.” I snapped and she shut up. “I am the Lost Girl and now that you killed the love of my life I am the new leader of Neverland.”

“You remember?” Henry asked.

“Yes I do. Rumplestiltskin also shoved me over the edge of the town line so I would forget who I am. You brought me to Neverland to betray the one person I care about most in this world. Now because of you people Peter is dead!” I yelled unable to mask my fury, “I am not here as a friend. I am here to massacre this town and all your miserable lives. Thought you’d like to know why. So make peace with yourselves for nothing can stop me now.”

“Wait, Marigold--” Mary Margaret started but even sooner stopped, “Y/N, please, that was not what we wanted.”

“Yes it was. You knew that I was from Neverland. You knew that Peter was important to me. Then you brought me home and turned me against the person I love to save your brat. The only use that little shit had was to die and save Peter and you screwed us out of that!” The lights in the room popped casting the apartment in darkness.

“Y/N,” Regina approached me. “You need to calm down.”

“No.” I forced my anger out, “I need to avenge Peter’s death.”

“And an entire town of innocent lives is worth the life of one?”

“He’s worth so much more. Shouldn’t you know as much, Regina? You are the reason this town exists. All in revenge for the love that you lost. It’s like a poetic irony that it should be destroyed for the same reason.”

“It won’t make you feel better. Trust me.”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe this won’t make any difference but I’d like to test the theory for myself.” I flew back out the door slamming it shut behind me. I met Devin at the end of the stairs and grabbed him.

There was fire in my veins and power in my step. I felt something like a gut reaction settle in me and the next moment I was standing in Regina’s vault. I only knew it because sometimes I would need to fish Henry out of here while I was babysitting him.

“Oh geez,” Devin hunched over looking like he was about to hurl, “How did you do that?”

“I’m not sure. It was like an instinct.” I shrugged, “Guess I was used to it from how often I teleported around with Peter.”

“And the feeling of wanting to puke my guts out? Is that normal.” he took a deep breath to force down the nausea.

“I think you just have a weak stomach, buddy.” I pat his back, “You gonna be okay?”

“Yep. Yep, I’m good.” he gave me the thumbs up.

“Good. Now let’s stop talking and find something to help us destroy this place. Regina has got to have some massive curse or poison for the water supply lying around here somewhere.”

“Yes ma’am.” he gave a mock salute and started rifling through the drawers of the vault.

As I was looking through things I could feel Devin watching me. “Spit out whatever it is you wanna say, Devin.”

“I was wondering how you were doing.” He said.

“Doing?”

“With Pan being gone. I know what he meant to you. How are you holding up?”

Shit. I was hoping I didn’t have to do this. But Devin is my best friend. If I can talk freely to anyone it would be him.

“It hurts. It hurts a lot.” I muttered, “Peter’s dead and I’m the reason he is. I can blame these assholes as much as I want but in the end it was me. If I hadn’t gone to Neverland with them then he wouldn’t have put his guard down. If I could have remembered who I was sooner then I could have helped him instead of betraying him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I guess you didn’t know.” I sighed, “The adults brought me to Neverland to trick Peter and rescue Henry since my memories had been erased. I didn’t know who I was and they made me believe that I was doing the right thing. I got my memories back too late though and it killed Peter.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I had no idea.”

“You couldn’t have. It’s okay. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Keep looking.” And with that the subject was closed.

As we were looking I could feel a dark energy coming from inside a box. I opened it to find a little scroll inside. The language was strange but it seemed to translate right before my eyes. This was magic. Not regular magic either, dark magic.

“Find something?” Devin asked.

“The Dark Curse.” I showed him the scroll, “It’s the curse I got trapped in for years.”

“So much trouble from one little scroll.” he tsked, “Can we use it?”

“Yes, I believe this will be perfect for wiping this town off the map.” I tucked the spell away and gathered the ingredients to go with it. “We have everything we need. There’s only one more thing to do.”

I grabbed Devin again and we were transported back into town. We were out at Granny’s Bed and Breakfast. Devin looked at me as if he was going to ask what we were doing here. I shushed him and handed him the ingredients for the curse. “Stay out here. I’ll be right back.”

I walked inside and the attendant smiled across at me when she saw me approach. “Hello, I wasn’t sure you were coming back for your things or not, Marigold. Did you find a place in town to stay?”

“Oh no, I’m looking for a friend right now. Wendy Darling?”

“Yes, she’s in room four. Just walk right up.”

“Thank you.” I sped up the steps and knocked on room four. There was some shuffling and the door opened to reveal some older man.

“Can I help you?” he asked.

“Is Wendy here?”

“Why?”

“Come off it,” I shoved past him. Wendy and another man were sitting at a table and ceased their conversation when they saw me barge in.

“Hey you just can’t come in here.”

“Shut it.” I brandished my dagger at them and shut the door. Wendy stumbled back in fright. “Don’t be scared, bird. It’s only me. I won’t hurt you.”

“Y/N?” She rushed to me and crushed me in her arms, “B-But how are you here? What are you doing?”

“I don’t have a lot of time to explain. I’m giving you a chance.”

“What chance?”

“I needed to know before I leave. Do you want to come with me?”

“What are you talking about? Come back to Neverland? After I’ve finally been reunited with my brothers?”

“They could come too so long as they don’t cause too much trouble. You’re my friend, Wendy, I would like it if you came back with me.”

“No. I’m sorry but I can’t. Even if my brothers were with me I just couldn’t. I’ve been young far too long, I want to grow up. I can’t expect you to understand.”

“I do. The life of a Lost One isn’t for all. It certainly wasn’t for you. I understand.” I gave her a tight hug, “If you won’t go with me then I can only warn you to get out of town as fast as you can. Bad things are going to happen and I don’t want you involved in them.”

“What bad things?”

“That’s not your concern. I’m going to go and I want you all to load up and head out of town as soon as possible. Can you do that for me, bird?”

She nodded solemnly. “Will I ever see you again?”

“Who knows.” I stepped away and opened the door, “See you around, Wendy-Bird.”

“See you.” She whispered softly. I left the room and walked back outside.

I grabbed Devin again and he braced himself as I transported us into the woods to the old well that which spouted the town’s magic. We started unpacking all the ingredients for the curse and laying them out on the mossy stones.

“You know how to cast this?” Devin looked down into the well.

“Kinda. I’ve never done this before but there’s something in me that does. An instinct like with the teleporting. I can’t explain it.” I fumbled with the vials. I wish there was a simpler way to do this.

With a heavy heart I started dropping the ingredients into the well. A small burst of magic exploded from deep in the well with each vial. When I had run out of things to put in I stopped and stared down into the dark depths of the well. I could feel the magic swirling and pulsing, waiting for the final ingredient that would unleash the curse.

“Did it work?” Devin asked peering over my shoulder to look inside.

“Not yet. There’s one last thing to add.” I stepped away.

“What?”

“The heart of the thing I love the most.” I whispered.

“But Pan is--”

“Yes I’m aware. Which leaves only one other option.” I turned to Devin tears in my eyes. He read my mind and bowed his head. “You’re my best friend. You’ve always been there for me and I love you like a brother...which is why this is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

Devin grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest right above his heart. I could feel the faint thumps beating rapidly through his ribs. “I want you to be happy and if that means cursing this pathetic land for what they did to Pan then I’ll gladly oblige.”

“This sucks.” I choked out.

“Yeah it does.” Devin’s voice trembled as he tried to joke.

“You’ll die.”

“I know.”

“Devin, promise me something.” I bunched my hand in the fabric of his shirt.

“Anything.”

“If you see him down there tell him...I’m being the best I can.”

“Of course. And promise me you won’t go getting into anymore trouble.”

“Never.”

“There’s my sister.” He took in a deep breath and nodded, “Let’s get this over with.”

I reached into his chest and pulled his beating heart out. We both stared at the dark glowing organ in amazement. I held it over the well and squeezed. The tighter I squeezed the tighter I shut my eyes so I didn’t have to see Devin’s pained expression. If only I could have shut out the strangled sound of pain he let out when I did so. The heart broke and I dropped the dust into the well. Devin’s body had collapsed to the ground. “I’m gonna miss you.”

I waved a hand and my shadow appeared to take Devin’s body and I back to Neverland. I wouldn’t let him be buried here.

Green smoke started to erupt from the bottom of the well and float up over the sides. It’s done. I watched the curse billow around my feet as it started to wind its way through the forest and towards the town.

I looked back at my shadow which cradled Devin’s body in her arms. I nodded to her and grabbed the shadow’s ankle. We ascended into the air and flew back home.

(First) (Previous) (Next)

[kylo-ren-writes]

Attraction, Epilogue

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, Epilogue

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader

Warnings: uhhh, angsty I guess? Age gap, time jump.

Tag List: @beautifulbows924 @celestiaelisia @bluudhavens @majestic-sith-queen @kyloren-supreme-ben @samarantha @kirah34 @redhairedfeistynerd @drtiberiussith @hoe-for-daddywise @bisexualbitchbabe @hostofthefirenation @ayatimascd @fralackles @imyourdreamwife @kylos-sassy-cousin @blxkstar @thesquidni @kylosskywalkers @ymariejp @sassyspacepizza @the-illustrator-of-melodies @just-another-starwars-fangirl

A/N: well, everyone. This is the last part to this series. I’m so happy that I decided to rewrite it and that many of you enjoyed it. Thank you very much for reading it and I hope to write more series in the future! But for now, I hope you enjoy this last part, and do forgive me for taking a bit of time to write it! (Gif not mine!)

You sat on your small cot in your even smaller cell, with your legs crossed and your back against the wall.

A whole year. A whole year today, exactly. You did not keep track of the days that passed, only guessed... and got a hold of stormtroopers who you compelled to tell you the date upon asking.

It was almost a surprise that that much time had gone by already. But yet, at the same time, you weren’t surprised at all. The days spent in your little cell all blended together, so even though it was almost hard to believe, it also made sense.

Head tilted back against the cool, dirty wall, your eyes closed as the memory came back to you. It was a day that you held onto even though it had been painful, and still was painful to think about. But it was real, something more real than all the time you spent on the dark side and in the First Order. You were determined to think about it everyday so it would not fade. And so you wouldn’t forget a certain face, or rather, forget what a certain someone looked like.

The thought of forgetting the face of the man who’s name you did not bother to think about anymore was almost terrifying. It was a fear you had created inside your head, a fear that made you replay all the prominent features you could remember so clearly even a year later.

How could you forget him, anyway. He was more than unique, with his dark head of curls and waves, whose softness you could just barely feel on your finger tips. Light, pale skin that contrasted against his locks, almost making him look sickly with how it exaggerated the dark circles under his eyes.

It made you smile, remembering the tiredness always evident on his angular face, knowing that he never quite got enough sleep. And smiling even more when you remembered the sleep he had gotten with you that day when he had revealed it all to you and had become one with you.

You had a mark in the wall, near the end of your cot where you had estimated his height from what you had remembered later on, cause he was so very tall and that was not a detail you wanted to forget. Nor did you want to forget the muscle that added build to his body, evening out the otherwise scraggly look he would have had without it.

The way his strong arms wrapped around you, keeping you safe in his embrace, against his chest while he muttered how he was going to protect you from then on. If only he had known how much that wasn’t true.

But the features about him that you remembered most, those and others, like the golden brown shade of his eyes or the fullness of his pink mouth, was what kept the last memory of him that you forced yourself to remember, so vivid. That memory was certainly more preferred to the other one, the one that twisted you up inside.

After waking up from the long nap turned sleep that morning, you had woken up alone to a cold, empty bed. Kylo had not been there, you hadn’t felt him anywhere within his quarters. But that hadn’t initially alarmed you.

You had stayed in his large bed for a bit longer with your face pressed into his pillow, breathing in his clean scent and remembering what had happened between you many hours before.

Now that was another good memory, but only one that you saved for special nights that left you especially... lonely and sad.

After you were done with the ‘burying your face into his pillow’ and remembering, you had gotten out of his bed with a stretch of your limbs over your head and headed into his bathroom. The reflection you saw in the mirror above the sink looked like a different person. You had felt like a different person, a happier person. At least in that moment. It was the after part where you had changed out of his shirt and back into your own clothes so you could go back to your room and change, when things took a turn.

The minute you had walked out of his quarters after folding up his shirt nicely and leaving it on his bed, when you had been seized.

Three stormtroopers led by the one and only Kane, who you had barely seen much of over the last few weeks prior, and was even more surprised to see then, took hold of your arms tightly. One limb in each of their two while the third trooper stood behind with Kane and his annoying smirk standing in front of you.

You couldn’t remember much of Kane in your memory, or really much of the rest of this memory, but it still pained you regardless. You mostly remembered being taken away to a ship and Kane’s normal cruelness as the reality of what had been going on set into your brain. Kane didn’t need to explain it to you, although he did anyway because he wanted to, what was going on. You were being sent away.

That is exactly what had happened. You had been taken away to who knows where and kept in this little, dirty cell which had a regular rotation of troopers to make sure you stayed in.

It had been depressing, it was depressing, but you weren’t dead. Although, at times, you certainly wished you were.

The worst part of it all was the fact that you could not feel His presence through the force anymore. The minute Kane and his trio of stormtroopers had seized you, the connection and bond you had newly shared with him had severed. It had almost been a crippling feeling, a deep pain that had not ever gone away and at times felt linger strongly. At those times, you liked to entertain the idea that maybe it was Him trying to reach out for you through the force. It gave you comfort even though you knew it wasn’t true.

You missed him more than anything, but like most pain, it had lessened over time.

Now, even though you still made time to remember him, almost treating him as if he were dead because if you were honest, it felt like he was, you still tried to keep your mind busy in other ways.

You liked to read and gain knowledge, even though you did not need to learn anything anymore. Your lightsaber had been taken away by Kane and it wasn’t like you could really practice anything in your small space. But over the year, you had managed to acquire some old books from stormtroopers you had compelled, and read them. All of them you read more than five times at least.

Light exercise was another way you tried to keep your mind busy. Even though you couldn’t do much, you still tried to keep fit in what little ways that you could.

Then of course the two meals a day that you got and your sleep were the other ways in which you kept busy. Eating was a distraction and sleep was an escape. And when more time had passed during your time in the cell, the nightmares you had over it almost stopped. You barely had them anymore. It was mostly just deep, dreamless sleep. But you didn’t mind, not at all. Better than the alternative for sure.

Right now it was the time before breakfast when two stormtroopers switched places and another brought you your tray of food.

It was the time you reserved for remembering and for him, the time you allowed any and all thoughts to wander recklessly. It reminded you of meditation—something you rarely did now—with how deeply you fell into your thoughts. At times you wouldn’t leave your mind until you got taken out of it by a clanking from one of the troopers as he banged on your cell. At those times you were sure that it could have been meditation.

That didn’t happen today, however. You pulled yourself from your thoughts quite easily and tilted your chin back down as you opened up your eyes. You were done remembering for today, or at least the morning. It was time for breakfast anyway... or at least you thought it was.

You had gotten pretty accustomed to waking up at the same hour everyday and calculating the in between time of the shift changes of the troopers as well as breakfast, in your mind. A trooper had left but one had not come to take its place. It was odd but sometimes it did happen, so you kept your gaze on the opposite wall and waited. Your thoughts stayed empty, only counting the seconds up until five whole minutes passed. After that, you turned your head to the side, towards the door to your cell, and furrowed in your brows.

Why were the troopers late? They were often punctual and on time, and surely even your breakfast would have been delivered by now.

Pushing yourself up from your bed, you stood, a few feet away from your cell door. Nothing seemed to feel off, only quiet. Although you never really bothered to tap into your force abilities anymore. There wasn’t much of a point. But you couldn’t ignore the sudden feeling in your head that something was indeed off.

You listened carefully, to the quietness that filled your small space. Your cell was down a narrow hallway, so you could not see anything other than another cell opposite of you that was empty. But what you couldn’t see, you could hear, and you certainly were not hearing things when the abrupt sound of footfalls sounded out on the floor.

Your shoulders sagged and your expression relaxed, no longer confused nor concerned. It was the trooper taking the other troopers place. With that in your head, you returned back to sitting on top of your cot, your legs dangling over the edge of it and a book in your hands. You might as well read a bit while you wait for breakfast.

That’s what you did. You read, ignoring the sound of the footfalls and not even noticing how differently they sounded to the traditional troopers. It wasn’t until the “trooper” was standing in front of your cell that your peripheral picked up on the darker attire of the person that you assumed had been a stormtrooper.

Fear picked up in your mind, your heart beat beating quickly. It had you frozen in place as you dared not move or even twitch an eye. A stranger was in front of your cell, something that was not customary. Something that was not protocol. But a voice inside of your head urged you to lift it, to look up at whoever was here, to see them. And so you did, and the sight of them made you drop your book onto the floor.

A dream, this had to be a dream... no, a nightmare. Only a nightmare could produce something so cruel and awful for you to see. Although what you could see wasn’t awful to look at, but it was painful.

Kylo Ren stood there, in front of your cell, dressed in different clothes from what you remembered and with different hair.

You couldn’t help your mouth from parting open and the stare you had on his face. Your expression a mixture of disbelief and horror. He looked the same yet different. His skin was still pale but it held a... scar? And his dark hair wasn’t as curled and styled as you remembered, rather more wavy and stuck to his head, framing that same angular face. That face that looked even more tired than what you remembered.

Kylo stared at you as you stared at him, mirroring the same expression as his eyes flitted over your face and body. You knew that you looked different, too. Thinner with longer hair, although you did not know what your face looked like, you hadn’t seen a mirror since that day. You imagined you had to have looked pretty much the same with only little differences. Just like him.

You seemed to stare at each other, taking each other in, as the minutes ticked by. But this time you weren’t counting the seconds. Somehow you managed to find your voice, and the first thing you could only manage to mutter was: “are you real?” It had been a strangled sounding sound, but they were words regardless.

“Are you?” Kylo croaked out in a reply, although his voice had sounded stronger and deeper. His. The sound brought instant tears to your eyes.

You nodded slowly then carefully stood back up from your cot, keeping your gaze on him as you willed your legs not to give out on you. Your head already felt like it was swimming.

“I... I’m r-real,” you stuttered out, a single tear managing to escape your eye and trail it’s way down your cheek, dripping off of your jaw onto your shirt.

Kylo was quiet, so quiet you feared that he really wasn’t real and that this was a nightmare after all. But then he turned his gaze towards the panel on the wall that could authorize your release by opening the door of the cell. You weren’t thinking of that, however, only of him and keeping your eyes on him as you barely kept yourself up on your feet. Your legs felt like jelly.

Your cell door opened seconds later and you still did not notice, until Kylo was suddenly moving closer as he rushed to you, everything feeling like it was moving in slow motion. One minute he was too far from you, the next you were scooped up into his arms, barely able to breathe with how those familiar, strong—stronger—arms engulfed you into a too tight embrace. That’s when you broke, allowing the tears to fall from your eyes as you frantically wrapped your arms around his neck, him lifting you off of the ground.

A sob broke out from your throat and Kylo quickly hushed you, pressing your face into his chest, underneath of his chin, as he held you up and against him. It had been so long since you had felt him against you, since those arms had embraced you, since you had heard his voice. You missed him even more than you knew.

“H-how... how...” you tried, but Kylo only hushed you again, pressing a hard kiss to the top of your head.

“I’m here, I’m real,” he assured. “I’m real. I’m real.”

You couldn’t help the relief you felt over his words and how reassured and soothed you felt by them. It was him, it was really him. Kylo was here and holding you now. “B-but how—“

“I killed Snoke,” Kylo cut you off. “I killed him, he’s gone, and I’m sorry it took so long for me to find you and get to you, but he’s gone. You’re safe.”

Safe. You were safe. Snoke was gone. Kylo killed him. Kylo killed Snoke.

It was a lot to process, but at the moment you couldn’t care less. Not with how Kylo was here with you now and you were in his arms. So you only nodded slowly and briefly, legs wrapping around his waist as you figured out how to move them again. You believed that if you clung onto him, that he couldn’t possibly disappear.

You could feel Kylo turn and him carry you, presumably out and away from your cell. You couldn’t even think about your books you were leaving behind, but those didn’t matter. Not at this time.

Kylo carried you down the hall and out of it, up a narrow set of stairs to the ground floor of the base you had been kept on. It was an old base belonging to the First Order that didn’t serve much purpose most days. But it was the planet that served the most value, as it offered many resources and allegiance to the First Order. The base was only a necessary aspect of it.

Stormtroopers he had brought along waited there for their new Supreme Leader, and the ones stationed there stood aside and out of the way.

You kept your arms firmly around his neck and your face pressed into his chest as you remained unaware of your surroundings or of what was happening. All you chose to focus on was Kylo and how he felt against you, so warm and hard, and comfortable. No, comforting.

Kylo quickly carried you out of the base and onto his command shuttle, the well trained stormtroopers following behind like the soldiers they were.

The crew didn’t need to be told to take off, and that’s how you realized that Kylo had carried you onto a ship. You felt the familiarity of taking off, something you hadn’t felt in a long time, and you finally pulled your face away from his chest. Just enough so you could glance and skim your eyes around the ship, and look up at him. He was seated on a bench with you on his lap.

One of your arms unwound itself from Kylo’s neck, and your hand rested on his jaw, making him look down at you.

By then your tears had dried and your sobbing had stopped. You still couldn’t believe that he was really here, but you were working on it. Like now, with how you were staring up at him. Up close you could see the moles and freckles that dotted his face, a detail that had somehow slipped your mind from your memories. You couldn’t help the frown that turned down the corners of your mouth slightly.

“What’s wrong?” Kylo asked immediately, hugging you closer to him.

“I forgot about the freckles and moles on your face,” you said softly, throat a little dry and hoarse from crying.

Kylo leaned his face down and rested his forehead against yours. “That’s alright.”

“No it’s not.” Your frown deepened. “I made sure that I wouldn’t forget you and what you looked like, but I forgot something so important.”

Kylo pulled his forehead away and replaced it with his lips. “It is alright,” he insisted. “You will never forget them now or anything about me, because this time there is nothing or no one that can possibly take you away from me.”

Your frown turned into a small smile. “You sound so sure.” He did, and it helped you relax, but you could not help but be skeptical.

“I am,” Kylo said confidently. He was right, no one could take you from him. “I’m the Supreme Leader now, I run the First Order.”

You were surprised, but you knew that you shouldn’t be. After all, he did kill Snoke. Your smile got a little bigger and you hugged him, arms wounding back around his neck. Kylo hugged you back, chin resting on your head.

“I will tell you everything, I promise,” he muttered. “But not now. We have so much time and right now I want to spend some of it holding you.”

You had to agree with him, but you didn’t respond, only snuggled into him to show him how much you agreed.

This time you felt the surety in his words. But unlike before, you had an overwhelming feeling that this time everything was going to be fine. You could live out your lives together. Kylo was going to be your master and train you again in the force. He was the ruler, he didn’t have anyone to tell him what to do. Not anymore.

Peeling your face back from his clothed chest, you looked up at him again as he raised a dark brow. You smiled, then lifted your head, pressing your lips against his in a soft kiss.

Kylo kissed you back, harder than you kissed him, but you didn’t mind. It was a kiss to make up for not kissing again since that day. It was a kiss that was nice and something you wanted to replicate and evolve on many, many times in the future. And you would.

For the first time in the life you could remember, the only life you knew of being here, in the First Order, you felt happy. It would have otherwise been a foreign word to you, but right now, it was the only appropriate word. Because you were happy, more than happy. And the cause of your happiness was Kylo.

[alchemisland]

The Moors Mutt - II

https://www.wattpad.com/676844776-the-moors-mutt-ii

II. Limbo

Rising early, if rising it was and not merely stirring from a wakened restive state, I walked a barren stretch. At pale dawn birds like Aztec idols flighted at my stirring. Cold light stained the pasture either side. Sleepshod, the road to Cairn Cottage found me quiet company. Even the tinkers were not yet to the road in their triskeled wagons.

When the machine architect of our world was in infancy, men of old, men of renown, used more than sight in their primitive observations of our world. Already we, we as mankind, had realized what appeared as reality was deeper yet than simple tangibility. Further back towards the chaotic and infinite churn of the burning epoch, when mankind had not language to manifest destiny and lived subordinate to Echidna's descendants still fearsome on the plain, parts of the brain which one day became memory centers first stirred to life, elongating the possibility of human memory. Scent still is brother to memory.

The air was heavy with scent when I relinquished vision, only for a short time, and let wind corral me. The breeze carried faint lavender.

A pebbled stretch I crossed stirred a memory of my late father and a codex of heroic tales he purchased, whose high adventure stirred me like nothing prior. At six, maybe seven years old, tales of old Arabia appealed greatly. Fabulous kingdoms wrought of yellow stone against a tangerine haze, swirling tarot sun bemused of countenance, scorpions armoured like chargers sending rodents to their redoubt, the cloying madness of it all. I visited them in dreams, jumping from the path of unruly camels, watching the impenetrable waves humbly part in the wake of Royal palanquins.

Their heroes were unlike our knights. More often broody boys who preferred quill to falchion. Brooding teenagehood made me relish the stranger stories, tales without lessons existing solely to unnerve, speaking on the bleak lives of Tartarian wizards. Older, into adulthood, I came to enjoy Greek tales most. The tragedy of Ajax in his lover's plate leaking on the golden sand moved me. Waves, caressing the moored fleet in passing, bursting against the shale where the pyre burned. Since, when I hear crunching pebbles, I think of soldiers marching on the beach at Troy.

I heard the crunch of a trap and waited hopeful until the crude plume fixed atop the horses head appeared like the mantle of some deposed pagan lord. Ixion's disc four times divided had been fixed to bear this chariot. Its trundle ground debris to powder. I hailed the man, a being of wind, every strand of hair or cloth lank enough to lift stood in disarray. A peak stole his brow, but a smile waved me aboard. He never spoke, though carried me within shouting distance of the manse.

Inside chaos reigned. Lady Sizemore's estate was measured first in paper, not coin. Hundreds, thousands of jaundiced sheets, all in disorder busying every surface. Before a single coin changed hands, a great many hours I spent hauling boxes, within which were more boxes where spiders large as potatoes spun temporary wonders above the invoices.

I wonder what effect prolonged tedium has. Such thoughts are entertained in the avoidance of work that should never be given lucid credence. An entire day dedicated solely to translating letters in incomprehensible cursive, it felt ridiculous. My mind, perhaps reflecting its surroundings, felt dulled, unfocused. So long I stared, when I pried my eyes I found feint margins plastered across reality.

The previous night's visitations I had pondered, ultimately chalking to anxiety. Nothing substantially portentous. Unfortunately, another day was required before I indulged my cryptozooligcal fancies.

*

Darkness in ravenfeather arrived prematurely. I gathered my belongings, wondering where the time went, then ran to the track and the sounds of the the last husbandmen bound for Sperrin. I found easy passage. Too easy perhaps; I was cursed to endure indignity on a wagon halfheartedly scraped of its stinking contents; with my legs lolling over the side, I was soaked in every splash. I arrived back mud-caked, a shambling golem. Lar tended bar. I wondered had he stirred in my absence. Anticipating my thirst, two mugs were set.

I dropped my satchel, enjoying relief akin to weightlessness by contrast, and we drained tankards like soon-to-war Saxons, speaking of weather. I asked had anyone noteworthy visited, mostly from politeness. When asked had the room served, I replied it had done so more than adequately. Again, politeness.

Not wishing to seem overeager, I spared him my dream. If the tale was relayed to me, I should say how convenient the very man hoping to find the beast would experience a vision.

Besides, in the unlikely event we found a mangy badger after I'd described a prehistoric horror.. perish the thought.

'Do we depart tomorrow?' Lar grunted, pretending to clean.

'Short delay actually. I'd have said from the doorway, only for the ale calling. Alas, labour remains. My charges lust for satisfaction. They are at Rome's gates! Distant cousins write in droves. By air, land and sea their letters come, squeezing through grates, shimmying down chimneys. Forget the beast, if they find me I'm dead.'

'We sank tankards enough last night. I've seen folks pale on the dizzy morning after the night before. If this delay is to spite me, let me allay concerns, I'm the man for this job. We're the men for this job.' He shot a glance at Fergus, a pale lance cleaving his brow.

I looked to my empty cup then longingly at his selection. Lar fingered a cask, but reached further back and took another instead.

'My god, man. Boil a pot and toss it down your trousers. No such notions occurred to me. We're expedition mates! I didn't make a dent in the work, really.' I raised a silencing finger to hear the splash of ale. 'There you have it. Mystery solved. If the mystery of the beast is this easy, we're laughing.' I inhaled its aroma. Fruity, potent, sickly almost. 'This expedition diary I mean to publish, any thoughts?'

Lar's measured tone returned. Careful as a tiptoeing sinner, he asked 'You good?'

I smiled. 'Only Ben Adhem saw the book, ask him.'

Lar stove the ashen helm crowning his cigarette, plunging the embers into the cold bronze bowl. 'At writing.'

'You should say! I tease, I tease. To answer your question, yes is the answer. Humbly, in my hand, the pen is like the master mason's chisel, from whence grand cathedrals spring forth from their less divine constituent parts.' Lar was fumbling for his tobacco already and I thought what small use that vice would be in peril.

'I'm convinced.' Lar spoke quickly, stumbling over the words to get them out. I took no offence at his zeal to change the subject. 'Do you have a manuscript at hand?'

'Not with me, unfortunately.' He stifled a sigh of relief. 'Upon returning home one story heavier, I'll ensure you receive signed copies of every one. I'll sing them My favourite tub of Lar. Yours literately, Beastman. That way you'll know it's me.'

Lar's ale, a home brew, was a swift agent, promising to travel from your mouth to the toilet's in twenty minutes. I joked he might patent it for a medicine. Call it the Midas touch. Everything it touched turns to gold: toilet seat, floor, shoes if you weren't careful.

I spied Fergus. His thumb led a blunt edge across the ribbed bark of a sprig, from which he had carved two lidded eyes and a pursed mouth.

Lar lit a cigarette from the flared end of the last, then discarded it on the ashen pyre.

Lar had to raise the hatch spoiling any hope of a dramatic exit, but I hovered over the stool while I spoke. 'Departure two days hence, on the strict proviso no unpleasant libel suit comes once the story hits print. Rest assured, I'll include nothing untoward, but I reserve the right to artistic licence. Print the myth.'

'Libel is a city crime.' Anticipating my desire, Lar walked while he spoke. I mirrored his step, slipping through the open portcullis to sleep, perchance to scream.

*

Lying in bed, I wondered what to include in my chronicle; exciting details only, or every charged exchange? Nobody asked how the shipwright felt constructing thousands of ships without prior notice. They only wanted Achilles. The reader will concede, I have included much of the mundane.

Well-oiled, I slept easily. Set like a star I saw things past, dark present and murky future, useless without chronology, stifling their prophetic nature. The beast came again, shaking the ground.

Waking, it seemed I fell to the mattress from a height. Not far enough to endanger, but enough to worry the springs. I lurched, took my journal from the bedside locker, levered its purple tongue to split its leather cuirass and let it whip to a clean page.

One mark on the opposite face demanded attention. A black circle, subtle as a bearded chin, formed by the swift fury of a graceless wrist, its blackness total.

How strangely the lines blended. One moment a nest of fastened rat tails, one mark indistinguishable from another, the next a clear set of growing rings. In its swirling centre around the maelstrom's eye, the paper tore with the fury of the quill.

I found the pockmark on every page. Someone strained greatly to make an impression so indelible. First I thought Fergus with his ham hands, unknowingly forcing the nib through the page. When he had the chance, or the notion? It seemed unlikely. Throughout the workday it was with me, resting once for a moment unattended on the desk.

Despite concerns, I knew no progress could be made at this hour. For now it seemed safe to be about my duties without much extra precaution. I returned the journal, pulled the duvet across my shoulders and turned to sleep, when suddenly a violent jolt racked the shutters so fiercely they juddered back into place with a great thunk.

I winced toward the disturbance and found mocking empty blackness. As my head sank back into the pillow, a shuddering pulse shook the building. A rippling seismic attack. Unlike quakes from within, which sally in waves, this was a single detonation, like a dying star; one magnificent shockwave that stirred everything in the world at once, only for a moment. I stemmed panic, falling to courageous platitudes that would embarrass the most shameless Kipling-mimic. Without panic, I deduced more likely my head sharply turning had disturbed my equilibrium, giving the walls the appearance of motion. As if in answer to my doubt, dust sprinkled from the rafters.

Nothing else came. I waited, steeled. I pretended to be brave and at some indeterminate point, felt into a brave slumber.

*

Lar, blackbird that he was, rose early. He emerged from the fugue state that best pleased his constitution and stretched, his wingspan filling the alcove.

He found me in my linen cell, bewhaled as Jonah.

'Terrible day.' He drew the shutters. I pulled the sheets down over my face to the sight of Lar's stocky silhouette in the dirty light. Tapping his pipe twice on the sill, he plonked one cheek on the ledge and struck a match. 'Anything you want from town? I'm going to get supplies. I should be away most of the day. There won't be a return trip before we go. Speak now or forever hold your peace.'

'Ambulo in pace.' I tapped my journal, 'I have everything.'

'Do you have a mac?' The rain beat harder.

'No, we're English, some Irish. Although I heard tell that a distant branch traded their roses for thistle stalks.'

Lar shuddered, ill-humoured before midday, despite protestations he needed no proper rest. 'I mean a waterproof.'

'Oh give me credit. That's humour.'

'We in the smiling countryside call it idiocy. There's a time for revels. Unless you've been up all night, dawn isn't it.'

'I don't have one and I'd like a loan if that's what you're asking, thank you. I didn't sleep well now you mention it' I tossed my feet onto the cold ground and felt for a sock.

Lar watched the rain spilling in romantic sheets. 'You'll need an ark to get back. It's like a bog when it rains. No one will be able to get you. Not me, not the constabulary, nor anyone else. If the weather worsens, make sure you get back in time. Otherwise, everything will be closed until further boatice.'

'Boatice?' I said.

'Now that is humour. Rain, boats, further notice. Get it?' Lar left more spritely than when he entered.

[mrspettyferr]

Stand With Me

This one-shot was inspired by this lovely post from @reybens and this amazing comic below by @ninjapancake314. Thank you both for allowing me to write a companion piece. <3

- - - 

Rey thought she was prepared to face him.

For a year or so they had not come face to face, their interactions reduced to the bond neither could break. The first time the bond flared up there was only silence, neither willing to break it. The second time, enough time had passed that his new title was well known across the galaxy: Supreme Leader Ren.

She didn’t care what he called himself: Kylo Ren. Ben Solo. Supreme Leader Ren. She knew what she saw when they touched hands and no matter how much she wanted to forget it, she couldn’t.

Sometimes they argued. Sometimes they didn’t speak at all. Neither put out the offers they both knew they wanted to give, their stubbornness too strong and pride too wounded. Their bond strengthened, despite weeks passing between unexpected connections. And with that strength and some effort, Rey and Ben could now communicate telepathically. For some reason, this was easier to control than their apparitions.

The first time it happened, Rey shot out of bed and grabbed her blaster on instinct. But as she blinked away sleepiness and came to her senses, she lowered the gun, expecting to see him. Only there was no one there.

And yet his voice rang out again. In her head.

Rey?

It was the only thing she had kept from the Resistance. This connection. It was too intimate, too personal, and maybe Rey knew Poe would want to use it to their advantage. She knew she should want to use it to their advantage. And yet…

She reasoned with herself that if their connections revealed anything that would be helpful to the Resistance, she would speak up. And maybe…maybe she would have the courage to speak to Leia about it. Someday. When Rey had told the story of what happened on Snoke’s ship, she had told Leia how she had felt the conflict within her son, but didn’t know anymore if Ben Solo was still there.

“Someone wise once told me no one is ever truly gone,” Leia had said with a sad smile.

Rey wanted to believe it, though she had expected Ben to use their connections to demand information on the Resistance. But he never did. Only once, when he had appeared suddenly as she was training alone in an empty field, he said simply:

“Why continue to run when you know you can’t win?”

To which Rey replied, “Because I’d rather be running and free than trapped in a cage.”

He didn’t say anything to that.

Maybe he knew it wouldn’t matter, that in the end, the First Order would snuff out their flame. It was no secret the rebels were losing. The First Order’s numbers were so impressive that it scared people too much for them to join. While they needed a rebel base, they needed actual rebels even more. So they traveled from city to city, planet to planet, to small villages and dark forests and isolated islands, looking to form new alliances. But their resources were depleting, their allies shrinking, and their numbers still too small.

After a devastating skirmish on a small, dense planet Rey had never heard of, the First Order had showed up and destroyed any chance the Resistance had at making a new alliance. Rey was back in the falcon nursing a wound on her shoulder when Ben appeared. She expected him to gloat in his victory—though she had not personally seen him, despite sensing him off in the distance. She expected him to tell her their opposition was futile.

She should have been used to him surprising her.

“Did you hesitate?” he asked quietly. “Did you even consider my offer?”

They never spoke of the throne room, of what happened with Snoke and the guards. What happened to the legacy lightsaber he so firmly believed to be his.

Rey looked at him, surprised to see he had not cleaned up from the fight. His dark wavy hair was messy and sticking to his sweaty neck, a small gash on his temple dripping blood down his face. He had been in the thick of it, then. A king that preferred the battlefield to his throne.

Now, he stood in her chamber, just as he had appeared to be inside her hut on Ahch-To. She wondered if she reached out if she’d be able to feel him, or if her hand would glide straight through.

She answered him honestly. “Yes.”

Did you consider mine, Ben? She did not voice it aloud, but sent it through their bond.

His face did not change, but she saw him swallow. He did what he usually did when he didn’t want to answer and switched to a new question. “Do the rebels know you could have taken my life and ended it?”

“Does the First Order know you were the one to kill Snoke?”

She had heard the stories—wild, exaggerated stories, most of them pinned on her being the one to kill him.

They stared at each other in silence. He was too tall and big for this confined space, taking up more room than physically possible due to the intensity and power he radiated. If he stepped any closer he would tower above her.

Finally Ben glanced away, his mouth working. He turned his back on her, as if he would reach for the door and walk out of the room. But then he just glanced partially over his shoulder, not looking at her. His voice was quiet, even a little curious. “Why didn’t you do it?”

It was a fair question, a question she had asked herself a thousand times. A question that had a thousand answers.

“Because of what I saw…when the moment comes, you’ll stand with me,” she whispered, settling on one.

It was several months later that General Organa passed away. Not all heroes die grandly, poetically. Sometimes they just die.

For several weeks the General had been struggling with memory and concentration, and complaining of headaches; a result likely from her near death experience at the hand of the First Order months ago. But Leia refused any more follow up treatment, insisting it was nothing and that she was fine. They didn’t have time, or resources, she said, to cater to an old woman. And so one night she simply went to sleep...and never woke up. When they found her the next morning, she had been smiling. At peace.

They didn’t know where to lay her to rest, and eventually settled on Ahch-To. It was a sacred place, where she could be with Luke. The caretakers had welcomed them warmly enough and showed them where they buried Luke, where the sacred tree had once stood. Poe dug the grave by himself, not allowing anyone to help. Lt. Kaydel Ko Connix watched him in silent grief. When he finished, she put an arm around him and held him close.

Poe spoke fondly of Leia, sharing stories that made Rey laugh, some that made her cry. She looked around at the handful of rebels, at the caretakers as they prepared a feast for their guests, at the rocky huts and lapping waves of the island.

General Leia Organa deserved more than this, but it was all they could give.

They agreed to spend a night or two on Ahch-To.

After the feast, which consisted mostly of green milk and roasted fish, Rey had found a hut and slept for hours. Then she cried for a long, long time. Finn had come to check on her in the morning and she wiped her eyes, insisting she would be okay.  

Then she found the strength to reach out to Ben. He deserved to hear it from someone that cared, not by some military personnel.

She’s gone, Ben. I’m so sorry.

He knew. Without her saying any more, he knew who she meant. A single, strained word echoed down the bond. How?

She told him. She felt his grief, his rising anger. His emotions were so strong that she felt them in her bones, through the bond, as if they were her feelings. She had to reach out to grip the stone wall to steady herself.

And then she felt nothing. Emptiness.  

Ben had somehow managed to slam a door on their bond, consciously or unconsciously. It was still there, Rey knew that, but somehow…it was as if their minds were linked by a bridge, and Rey’s mind was at one end, Ben’s at the other, each with an open door that allowed thoughts to pass between them. A door he had managed to shut.

She had pounded at his door, at his mind, but it remained closed.

His grief turned to anger, and that anger led to a dark recklessness, to destroying cities that did not bow to the First Order and causing havoc that Rey knew was not the new order he had proposed in the throne room so very long ago.

When did it end?

It was something Rey had said to Poe that gave him the idea that led to this moment. As she struggled to learn more about the Force, as the Jedi texts proved to be either impossible to decipher or impossible to understand, she complained, “What good is a single lightsaber against an army?”

Now, they stood on a remote icy planet along the cliffs, the sun setting in the background and casting the snow in pearly white. Rey looked across the precipice and saw a small army of Stormtroopers and an AT-AT walker. But her focus was all on him.

She hadn’t shared a thought or connection with him in two months, since Leia’s passing.

His dark eyes met hers, his face colder than she remembered. He was dressed in his typical black, his cape fluttering against the chilly wind. His lightsaber was ignited, the red flaring up against the stark white of the snow around them. It reminded her of their fight in the forest, on Starkiller Base. Only this time, she was not afraid.

Ben.

The first time she said his name, she spoke into the bridge of their minds, testing his strength. She was met with something cold and solid. She wondered if she could break it down if she truly tried.

“Ben,” she said aloud. She swallowed hard, knowing what she was about to do. Knowing the risk and choosing it anyway. She lowered her newly made staff saber. “If you’re still in there…I don’t want to do this.”

“Rey,” she heard General Poe warn behind her.

The Resistance didn’t need to defeat the First Order. They couldn’t defeat the First Order, not in a battle where size factored in. They could possibly defeat their leader and General Hux, to get them isolated and away from their numbers. Without a proper leader, they would crumble within as men and women fought over rank.

Rey started moving toward the thin bridge of ice. This wasn’t part of the plan. But she couldn’t go through with it. Didn’t want to. “You can stop this.”

“No!” Poe shouted just as Finn yelled, “Rey, come back!”

She ignored them both and switched off her saber. She continued forward, stepping onto the narrow icy path. Rose cursed in the background. BB-8 swiveled and beeped nervously behind her as she took another step. And another. Chewie let out a roar of protest.

“We can both stop this,” said Rey. Ben’s face was still of stone, but he made no move to attack her. She stopped in the middle of the bridge. “No one else has to die. Too many have died already. This…this path isn’t what you wanted, Ben.”

For a long moment, Rey feared he would say nothing. But then he moved forward, closer to her. His voice was empty and deep. “Is this the surrender of the Resistance?”

“No,” she breathed. “Just my own.”

He stared at her. “I swore that I would destroy you.”

Her eyes flashed to his flickering saber and she imagined it then, how this would play out. The moment he struck her, Chewie and Poe would fire at him. He would block them, but be too distracted by their pursuit to notice their best shot in the Resistance, Kaydel Ko, hidden above and aiming right at him. Finn would rush forward without thinking, and Rose would try to stop him. General Hux on the AT-AT walker would fire everything it had. Maybe one of them would manage to survive, if they were lucky.

But not Rey and Ben. They would die here, surrounded by allies and enemies and friends, falling deep into the ravine below.

Maybe that’s how it should be. Maybe Luke was right. Maybe it was time for the Jedi to end. Maybe this would at least bring balance.

Rey closed her eyes, preparing for the end.

“But...” Ben’s lightsaber switched off. “I know now that I can’t.”

Rey’s eyes flew open in shock, surprised to find Ben on one knee in front of her. His head was bowed in resignation, but his hand did not shake as he held out his lightsaber. To her.

“You know what you have to do,” he said thickly.

She remembered knocking Kylo Ren to the forest floor, standing over him as he was powerless. She remembered an unconscious Ben Solo on the ground, his lightsaber next to him. Remembered how destiny had given her opportunities to take his life. How it presented itself again now.

Rey reached out—and instead of grabbing the lightsaber, she touched Ben’s shoulder and helped him stand. She opened her mouth to speak, but he grabbed her other hand and placed the saber in it.

“Don’t be afraid,” he said quietly. “Just finish it.”

And with his resolve, the door of his mind opened. The emotions flooded Rey’s thoughts. He was ready to die. He believed it was the only way this could end, the only way to be rid of the conflict within him. She could feel that resolve in him.

And it broke her heart.

The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead.

Tears welled in her eyes as she reached up and placed a hand against his cheek, her fingers brushing his scar. His eyes closed and he leaned into her touch. “Finish it?” she said softly. “All right.”

Rey rose up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. She felt his sharp intake of breath against her mouth just as she heard the shocked reactions behind her. She pulled back before Ben could react, before she could react, looking up into his stunned face.

“You once said to let the past die.” It took all her effort to keep her voice from shaking, to hold his gaze. “And you were right, in a way. Our past…we shouldn’t kill it, but we should learn from it. We should accept it. But we must move on. What matters now…is the future.”

Ben’s eyes searched her face, his mouth parting. Before he could speak there was a series of sharp blasts. Rey barely had time to do more than gasp as a flash of red surged for them—

Only to halt as Ben raised a hand, never taking his eyes off her, stopping the blasts in midair. “Our future?” he asked, his voice uncharacteristically gentle.

“Yes.” Her mouth twisted into a small smile.

They stood in the middle of the Resistance and the First Order, in the middle of the dark and light. It was time for the old Jedi to end, and a new order to begin. Rey saw the moment Ben understood, that he realized the vision they had both seen and both misinterpreted, had been one in the same.

He turned and redirected the blast back at the AT-AT. The Stormtroopers leapt out of the way as the AT-AT came crashing down. Chewie and Rose let out exuberant roars.

Rey stepped to his side and ignited her saber. “We’re in this together, then?”

Ben glanced at her, his lips twitching almost into a smile.

“Always.”

[kl4us4]

MELODRAMA (Ben Solo x Reader)

CHAPTER SEVEN: WRITER IN THE DARK

Summary: Three lifelong friends - Poe, Finn, and Ben - encounter a new transfer to the base. You. And it isn’t long before you and Ben become closer than anyone had expected.

masterlist / melodrama masterlist

Your work commences and yes, you’re late. But Poe notices your red, puffy eyes and he doesn’t care if you’re on time or not. “Y/N?” He frowns, rushing up to you and holding both your arms, “What happened?”

Ben can feel your sadness inside his own chest and something inside you makes you feel like he’s standing right beside you. “Nothing... I just... talked to Ben.”

“Geez, about what?” Poe questions worriedly, wiping your eyes with his sleeves. Pushing him away gently, you wipe your own eyes.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” You take a deep breathe in, composing yourself and forcing your eyes to stop tearing up. You’re so overwhelmed with his words. 

“You’re not fine.” Poe shakes his head, watching you closely.

“Let’s get to work. We don’t have time to waste.” You pull yourself away from his grip. Poe just watches you, knowing you’re not alright. But he doesn’t push it.

Days pass, you work. There was a party two days ago but you left ten minutes in. It wasn’t the same. Poe had thrown in, inviting everyone, but it wasn’t like Bens parties and everyone could sense that.

There wasn’t any light to fuel the fun. And it was something you couldn’t bare.

You retired to your room in efforts to at least try to sleep despite your minds focus being on Ben. The cold covers are nothing like how it felt to have Ben around you, holding you. 

You close your eyes, hoping to drift into a dreamless sleep. But as it turns out, you had another nightmare. Unable to move, you stay paralysed in your bedroom with your eyes closed.

He stands over your bed, examining you. You want to scream, kick him, push him away but you can’t. The energy coming off of him makes your chest tighten with intimidation. It feels violent and hateful, making your breath quicken.

You can see his lips moving but you can’t make out what exactly he’s saying. His silhouette is blurry, coming into focus slowly. The blue eyes hover above yours, belonging to a man with a deformed face. 

You’re sweating and trying your hardest to move away from his approaching face. With one last smirk, he disappears. You are finally able to move and you spasm awake, your hands shaking as you try to regain your breathe. 

It felt so real, you swear you could almost see his shadow standing at the doorway, still eyeing you. You turn the light on beside you, seeing no one in your empty room. Sighing with relief, you lay your head down on the pillow.

On the other side of the base, Ben lays with wide eyes. He’s seen everything that’s just happened to you, your dream, Snoke above you, everything. It was almost as if Snoke was tempting him to do something, to run to your room and save you only for Snoke to prove that you’re Bens weakness.

Ben knows what he has to do. If he wants to help you in any way, Ben must get Snoke away from you. And he knows exactly how, no matter how anxious and bitter it makes him feel.

That night, you’re putting away helmets in each individual hook. The night had come all too quickly and not wanting to be asleep, you decided to complete Poes tasks for him. He needs a good rest anyway. 

Looking out at the sky, you gaze at the shining stars that look right back at you. One looks particularly odd, it’s brighter then the others and as you continue to stare at it, you realises it’s moving. 

The Millennium Falcon roars in the sky, being piloted by none other than Han Solo alongside Luke and Leia. You step closer to the edge of the bay, looking at it as it lands slowly. Your breath catches in your throat. Did Han leave again?

Exiting the craft, Leia walks beside Luke and your heart stops. There’s only one reason Luke would be here; for Ben.

An impending sense of doom enters your chest and you feel like you’re just having another nightmare. He can’t be leaving. Not so soon.

Walking up to the craft is the fall figure of Ben, draped in black clothing. He bows to Luke, not catching his uncle's eyes even once. Ben can feel something tugging the back of his mind and whilst the adults talk, Ben turns to the bay where you stand idly. 

His heart stops when he meets your torn expression. Everyone begins entering the ship, Ben goes last. You can’t let him leave. Not like this, not without a goodbye, not on bad terms. You don’t know when you’ll see him next.

“Ben!” You run frantically now, your eyes latching onto his tall figure as he’s about to board the millennium falcon, “Ben!” His shoulders stiffen as he snaps his body back to look at you. Bens eyes are immediately filled with sadness. “Y/N.” he whispers just before you crash your body into him, hugging him tightly. “Don’t go.” You whisper into his neck, your lips brushing against his soft skin, “Please, don’t walk out on me. Stars, I should’ve believed you when you said this was my home now. Because it definitely isn’t yours. You’re so ready to leave... without even saying goodbye... to anyone.” You exclaim, just as the night wind begins to pick up. Wiping your eyes again, Ben reaches for you but you flinch away, “I get it now. You had some time left here and you needed someone new to fool around with before you left. That’s what I am. You don’t really care about anyone here.”

There’s a pause. Ben feels his chest implode at your words. He wants to scream and punch things and rip his hair out because no, that’s not what you were to him. The two of you watch each other. Ben looks at your red, glossy, eyes and his breathing becomes rapid.

Quickly shielding his face from you, Ben covers his eyes with his arm and looks down. You’ve never seen him cry and he doesn’t want you to have a lasting memory of him that’s sad. You’re in shock, watching Ben as his body jolts with quiet sobs. “Ben…”

“I don’t care?” He repeats, moving his arm away angrily. His eyes are wet as he cries, furrowing his eyebrows as tears stream down his dotted cheeks, “I love you!” He shouts, his chest now rising and falling erratically, “I love you.” His voice breaks as he steps towards you, “Y/N, I’ll always love you. I’ll love you till my breathing stops.” 

Now you’re both crying together as he pulls you into his arms. “I love you,” you reply to him, pressing a kiss to his neck, “I love you, I love you.” You quietly repeat over again as you pull back to place your lips onto his. “Stay with me.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Ben lets his hands stroke your hair gently as he squeezes his eyes shut. “Y/N,” he sighs, “I don’t have a choice.”

“You’re Ben Solo, you always have a choice. The rules don’t apply to you.” You state with a slight laugh, looking up at him through your wet eyelashes. 

“I didn’t have someone worth protecting until now.” He admits, letting a gentle breathe pass his parted lips, “Things are different now because of me. I need to be a good person and what if this is a way how?”

“I don’t understand what you need to protect me from.” Your voice breaks as you sob, furrowing your eyebrows.

“Y/N,” he sighs, “That night when you came into my room while I was having a nightmare. You said you saw blue eyes watching you. Those same eyes have been in my head since I can remember. It’s Supreme Leader Snoke’s eyes.”

You pull back to look at him, “He’s been contacting you... through the force?” 

Ben nods. “And now he’s trying to get to you.”

“Why? And how?” You frown, thinking about it. “I’m not...” As you say the sentence, you pause as you look up at Ben.

“Yes, you are. You’re untrained in the force but it’s still there, within you.” Ben tells you truthfully, making your mind race a million miles per second. How could you not have known? “Supreme Leader can sense it. He’s trying to target you, through me.”

“And that’s why you have to leave.” You conclude, looking down in pain.

“I need to be strong. Stronger than him.” Ben states quietly, saying a sentence he never thought he’d say. “Maybe Luke will help me.”

Giving him a sad look as you shake your head, “I’m sorry that I’m not strong like you. That I can’t take care of myself.”

“That’s not what I think about you and you know it.” He replies back angrily, his hands grip your hips. “You’re the best person I know.”

“And I’m still not enough to make you stay,” you feel tears begin to flood past your eyes, “what if I never see you again, B-”

“Ben.” Luke’s voice joins yours as he calls for his nephew, poking his head outside of the falcon as his eyes dart to yours quickly, “We don’t have time to waste. Say your goodbyes.” 

When he returns back into the ship with Bens parents, you won’t let go of Bens shirt and he wishes you didn’t have to. “I know I’ll see you again, princess.” He admits, pressing his lips against your forehead, “It’s only a matter of time.” 

Frowning, you wipe away tears from your vision, “Ben, I can’t shake the feeling that this is bigger than just training. I know I’ll never get to see you again and I can’t handle that. I need you. Everything that makes me happy - everything I’ve become - is because I met you. I need you, Ben.” You beg, watching how his heart breaks watching you cry. 

He wishes he could breathe properly. “You’ll always have me,” he presses his index finger on your chest, then your head, “nothing can take away the summer we shared together.” 

“Except time.” You retort, feeling your chest panic, “You’re going to forget me eventually. I’ll disappear from your head. Time can take everything away.” 

“The rules don’t apply to me.” He repeats your words, leaning forward to press his lips to your forehead. You didn’t know such heartbreak existed. 

Ben pulls back, letting his eyes stay closed as he savours the moment. His hands have made their way to your cheeks and you both hold each other like that for a few seconds. 

He can’t help but press his lips to you just one more time. The inevitable happens. Ben Solo leaves. You feel helpless and worried but more than that, you feel alone. Completely, utterly alone as you watch the Falcon disappear into the night sky.

[poppoplite]

Future meaning :”Fight” ( Personal scenario hope you enjoy ).

After the rest that day, for many nights Cassie continuously has haunting nightmares when he sees all adults being slaughtered by invaders and Ivan still does not know how to live or die. She wakes up at dawn, feels restless in her heart so she wants to take a walk to check around the area, Cassie meets Ben and the two have a chat by the lake where they are hiding from invaders. -Cassie: What are you doing out here, Ben? Ben: I get some water in the morning. How about you getting up so early? -Cassie: I can't sleep, I still obsess about the past, you know. -Ben: uhm. So, what are your plans next, Cassie? -Cassie: I don't know, after I saved Sam, I felt lucky and happy, when my brother was at peace. But now I feel sad that the other children are being hypnotized to attack humans, and Evan still has no news. ** Ben mused, said nothing. One hand carrying water, the other supporting Cassie standing up and walking towards their camp. When he arrived in front of the camp the sun was also visible, the yellow sunlight under the play of the children in the group, Ben turned to Cassie ** Ben: I understand your feelings. I will convince everyone to come back and save Evan and save the children controlled from the invaders. ** everyone sitting around the fire in the early morning drinking some herbal tea together, Ben began offering to go back to save Evan and the survivors, as well as find equipment to identify the Where did the abuser take those children. The action this time is quite dangerous so Ben wants everyone to vote, and can choose not to go. but.. -Cassie, Sam, Lisa, Dumbo, Oliver, Pound Cake, Teacup. All agree to go together to rescue the others. ** Group re-examination of material for vehicles, firearms, armor. And on the way, they found a large piece of land in ruins, the last bomb explosion destroyed almost all of the main buildings of the base. The loud bang that time, attracting the attention of the survivors in hiding, also approached the base with the desire to look for some hope for the captured relatives here and the necessities. However, there are still invaders alive and guarding this place. The clash of invaders and new arrivals broke out. Cassie's group was caught in the middle of the flow of bullets on both sides when returning to the base, in that chaotic situation Cassie found Evan alive and guarded by many invaders. Ben suggested that we go to meet the leader of the human side to negotiate because the group knows how to distinguish between real people and fake humans that invaders mix, so as not to kill wrongly and sacrifice human lives. . In exchange for the human side to not harm Evan, Cassie's group will get some food, medicine and weapons when the plan is successful.** ** The Cassie group fixed the devices on the party's helmets to hand it over to the human side, it used to detect humans but now has detected invaders, the humans quickly destroy the The survivor remains at the base. Cassie group found Evan's cell, the two sides fought fiercely with the guards, they finally got in and saved Evan ** -Cassie: Are you okay, Evan? I am here ** The two embraced each other, wounded by torture. Evan could not walk quickly. Cassie's group escaped to the doorway and prepared to board the car to return to the hiding place to heal. But the human side wanted to undo the contract. They arrested Evan for interrogation and experimentation on him. ** -Cassie: What are you doing? Let us go now, we made a deal. -Leader of people: you are just a bunch of kids, nothing more and no less that want a contract with us. the people around laughed mockingly. ** Cassie's group resisted and were beaten and locked up in a prison. There was really no way out of this present situation, and then they thought about trying to pray. Something they had given up a long time ago, from the moment when invaders appeared devastated and stole everything from their lives ... in the hope of some miracle that would really help them escape. get out of here and that's the only thing they can do right now ** ** That evening there was a middle-aged woman bringing food to the cell for Cassie's and her group, her sad expression revealing the necklace on her neck, which had a special character engraved on it. Dumbo, in his memory, saw where that necklace was, but he couldn't remember immediately. The delivery of the food ended, and as the cell door was slowly closing, Dumbo suddenly called out the name "Jimmy Walker" but the door closed in continuing silence. People immediately asked why Dumbo called that name, he said during the camp training, that he met and talked to a friend in a room with such special characters. And that friend explains the special family character, so when Dumbo sees a necklace like that of the woman carrying the food, he risks his luck. Call to see if she is from Jimmy's family or not, so maybe she can help us. But the door closed and it seemed they had run out of hope.** ** Midnight that night, Cassie's group heard a joke outside the door, then they heard someone collapsing to the floor. The door opened and they saw the woman carrying the food from just now along with several other strangers. It turned out that they pretended to give the guards late night food and took them down. The woman then asks Cassie's group how to know the name, Dumbo once again explains about Jimmy, the other strangers also take turns asking some other children's names. Cassie's group can't remember all the names, but they reassure the others that they are safe and are under arrest for hypnosis against humans, and we must work together to rescue those kids. . That woman named Elena is Jimmy's mother, she convinces everyone to save Cassie's group and stand up against Max. The head of the human group with crazy thoughts and minds, only plunder and rule, he imposes that every child taken away is dead, so no one here is happy. apart from him. From here they formulated a plan to save Ivan and persuade more people to rise up together to save their children. But one of Elena's group betrayed, informed Max, he immediately took the idea to free the captive invaders, and agreed to kill all the rebels, in exchange for freedom.**  ** The clash broke out, or rather the massacre caused by the betrayal of a person from Elena's group. Cassie's group regain their weapons, they plan to split into two small groups Ben and Lisa enter from the air outlet, the other to attack directly into Evan's cell to distract, leaving the other group raid from the back round. After rescuing Evan, Elena 's group protected them to the command room where some information on the destination of the C-17 flights could also be obtained with the number of captured children. a lot of the rebels were hit by bullets they couldn't get through and could only give the tributes they wanted to give to their children to Cassie. ** ** After escaping that dilapidated base, Elena's group wanted to seek the help of many other groups of survivors and convince them that children, children are still alive and need our rescue. . The two groups parted ways and made an appointment two months later to come to the bay to regroup before the invaders carried out their purge plan on the same day. Cassie's group continue their journey west, where the new detention facility is off the island of Musko. ** ** Next time the Cassie group found a shelter near the beach. They have peaceful moments, joyful videos that forget how cruel the past was for them. Here Evan and Cassie confide more and more emotional situations with each other, the story between the two characters is mainly about Cassie's concern for the children, and the support followed by protection as well as consoled Ivan. The two also have dreams about living a peaceful family home together. Ben and Lisa are also closer together, everyone practicing shooting, cooking together, studying the homemade Pound Cake and Dumbo equipment together. Together, they renovated and disguised the boats to look like they had drifted and long-standing no human action, to avoid suspicion of invaders from the island base. ** ** 2 months have passed but still no Elena's group arrives, afraid the invaders will begin to purge, Cassie's group has to plan action when sunset falls. Some time before that they released empty boats towards the base archipelago, with engines making homemade materials according to Ivan only half the distance and then drifting along the approaching ocean shore base. When invaders examine empty boats there is no doubt. Just like that Cassie's group hid in the boats in the next wave and the subjectivity of the guards meant that the whole group reached the base safely. ** ** Thanks to observations of behavior and costumes on the base, through homemade cameras hidden on empty pre-sent "ghost" ships, it sends out a signal every time Cassie's team checks the frames Hourly schedule troops on the island from there to avoid detection and mingle easily. divided into 3 subgroups. Evan and Cassie go to the main downtown, set up bombs and hide in the ventilation lines. Ben and Lisa, Sam set up bombs in the arsenal. Pound Cake, Dumbo, Teacup and Oliver set up bombs at the airport, everything was timed for 40 minutes. Then all will gather at the military resting area, group Ben, Lisa, Sam, Pound Cake, Dumbo, Teacup, Oliver they pretend they are capturing prisoners and mistakenly enter the military rest area, to ask for directions. special detention center, so they gradually lowered the invading soldiers guarding here. Sneak into the rooms trying to convince every child in them with names, pictures, mementos, handwritten letters and videos of loved ones before they vent The last breath, and the group gains the children's trust. Meanwhile, Evan and Cassie happened to be able to enter the remaining information storage room, where they found all the names of the children's families to be allocated in which subdivision, to avoid confusion with invaders. ** ** It seemed that everything was going well, but Colonel Vosch discovered Ben's presence in the military resting area thanks to the insiders who have always been with the children. After 40 minutes, everything was still in silence. The remaining group Ben, Lisa, Sam, Teacup, Dumbo, Pound cake, Oliver, worried about Cassie and Evan had not returned to the military resort as planned. They decided to head out. But the headlights, the guns, all waited at the door just waiting for them to step out. A voice came out, the voice of Colonel said to his subordinates, if anyone protested and fled, he would immediately shoot away. Cassie and Evan were also seen tied up next to Colonel Vosch, then he pushed the two of them to Ben's group. Ask everyone to surrender or he will shoot the whole massacre like before. Colonel Vosch, with his insidious ability, bent every look at Cassie, saying: This Cassie group with false believers, writing, and video are the invaders with the aim of brainwashing. people. A reflection on the children started to push and curse Cassie group (barbarians, cruel people, ...) Cassie to her knees, Sam, Teacup, Lisa hugging each other inside. With frightened faces, outside Evan, Ben, Pound cake, Dumbo, Oviler tried to stop the children's anger, but things only got worse. While Colonel Vosch laughed bitterly and sarcastically the Cassie's resistance, a number of children scattered toward the invaders holding their guns ... moments of despair, chaos increased, floods The child suddenly robbed the gun, occupied the machine gun emplacements and shot at the invaders. Colonel Vosch suddenly got angry and ordered to shoot all the protesters. Without armor, no weapons, a series of children hit by bullets fell. Cassie's group was surprised by that chaotic moment, but they quickly took down a few soldiers who took their weapons and shot them back at the Colonel. Pound cake was hit by a bullet in her leg, Lisa was also shot in the arm with a bullet. Before their eyes there is no way out but "fight for survival" **. ** BOOM BOOM BOOM ... a series of explosions resounded in the military zones, screams in the darkness from all sides, troops of men shooting back to soldiers everywhere. Cassie realizes it is a group of Elena, they broke up at the old base. As a bloody battle broke out, Colonel Vosch, seeing that the situation was not right, quickly led some invaders to escape. Cassie and Evan quickly chase and shoot down the invaders. With only Evan and Colonel left, both of them challenged each other to a duel because they both knew they had 1 bullet left. But Evan was forced to give in, when an invader was still alive and caught Cassie with a gun, and threatened Evan from behind. Evan heard the control of the invader, Evan turned back, quickly the Colonel picked up a gun and shot him at Evan. Cassie screams to steal the gun the way Evan taught (recall Evan's memories in her mind) of the invader and shoots him down. The Colonel ran out of ammunition and ran towards the helicopter on the rooftop. Cassie could not hold back her tears, rushing to hug Evan. Evan felt that he was not good so one hand embraced the wound holding Cassie's arm, one hand felt the contours of Cassie's face, only tried to say that he was okay and faded away. Ben's group just came to see Evan collapsed and couldn't do anything, Lisa, Sam, Teacup sat next to him and hugged Cassie, Cassie said Vosch's name was on the helicopter. Ben quickly ran up to the rooftop, saw that he had just got on the helicopter. Ben shot many shots before running out of ammunition, but both the helicopter and Colonel Vosch were okay, he said loudly that the story was not over yet "Sergeant". Ben turned to everyone disappointedly, they took Evan out to the emergency quickly, also dawn dawn. The war ended in victory on the human side, but the losses were too great. and they know the present story is just the beginning of the battle after. "To survive is to fight, to fight is to maintain freedom...".

..............The End.............

[forceprojecdin]

Luke Skywalker’s Immovable Joseph Campbell Hero’s Journey In The Last Jedi

Above: Like the Buddha before the massive army, Luke Skywalker’s concentration is unbreakable 

In my other blog about The Last Jedi, I said, “Star Wars needs to be myth; Myth doesn’t need to be Star Wars.” This film put me in a sort of dream state and it stayed with me for hours after. As Joseph Campbell said, “Myths are dreams put on screen.” Which is what Star Wars truly is when at it’s best. So I dived back into Campbell’s classic book, ‘Hero With A Thousand Faces’ to see if this new Luke Skywalker fits the Hero’s Journey. It does. To the letter maybe. It’s almost as if director Rian Johnson cross-checked every idea he had for Luke with that book. Though, sometimes the tropes are flipped, and that’s what makes this movie and director so intriguing!  SPOLIERS AHEAD  The Final Scene With Luke, The At-Ats and Kylo Luke is standing immovable with Kylo, he acts with his body to have very firm footing in one place. He barely moves where he stands at all - which is Buddha on the Immovable Spot, in front of the massive army lead by the god ‘Love and Death’, riding on top of an elephant. Kylo rides high up  in his ship, as such. “The dangerous god appeared mounted on an elephant... and the god then assailed him, seeking to break his concentration... but the future Buddha only moved his hand to touch the ground.” (Hero With a Thousand Faces, p.32). Luke never breaks his concentration - so beautifully acted by Hamill - his feet never leave the ground. Luke also only moves his hand to mimic brushing dirt off his shoulder. Considering that he was also at the the sacred Jedi Tree the entire film, he's pretty much symbolically echoing the Buddha sitting at the Tree of Life. But the Tree is dead and decayed now, the trope is flipped. However, this is The cycle of all myth, death and new life - and part of one of Luke’s teachings to Rey. At the same time, Luke is also similar to Jesus on the cross (which is also wood - a tree), because he willingly sacrificed his life. So the ending is a really cool combination of savior archetypes of both Eastern and Western spirituality. Very Star Wars! Very Campbell. Very powerful. On Contemplating Killing Ben & The Return Of The Non-Violent Jedi This may be the single most divisive and troubling thing for fans. Let me help you! This scene is Campbellian, in that it was designed intentionally to rip you apart to put you back together, in harmony with the Hero’s Journey. This is the scene of what Campbell calls the “nights visitants”, visitors of our dreams. Kylo is sleeping when Luke ‘visits” him. This is not a literal dream on screen, it is a literal event made to feel like a dream on screen. Luke contemplates killing his nephew as he sees the evil he is becoming under his nose. Knowing Kylo’s journey, what Luke is seeing is someone who would bring an ultimate evil, like genocide (Starkiller Base) So, one must seriously consider the practical and believable moral dilemma Luke faces. In the end, he simply just contemplates it. That’s okay. That’s normal. I know a real non-violent activist, he was abducted by Terrorists in Iraq while on a peacemaker mission, and was kidnapped into captivity for 118 days (check out his book about that). He once said to me in a training session, “One must acknowledge their own very real internal violence to move past it”. That’s what Luke did, so that his arc could evolve to the final non-violent scene. He does not attack at all. But I digress. This is the Campbellian dream visit, the psychoanalytical dream, on screen as such. Full of all sorts of familial parent and child issues. You know that whole Oedipal thing of killing your father because he’s a threat to the bond with the mother thing. That’s Kylo in a way, but I digress. Anyhow to quote Campbell about the subconscious in dreams, “Beneath the floor of the neat little dwelling that we call our consciousness... there not only jewels but jinn abide: The inconvenient or resisted psychological powers we have not dared to integrate into our lives... these are dangerous because they threaten the fabric of the security in which we have built ourselves...” (HWATF, p.9). Anyone feel that way about Luke? Feel your security about Luke, yourself, and Star in general threatened? Yes, we made Luke out to be our perfect hero, but such do not exist. This inconvenient vision shows us something in all of us that we do not want to acknowledge. Violence. Failure. Destruction. But Campbell goes on, with this destruction comes “the wonderful reconstruction, of the bolder, cleaner, more spacious, and fully human life - that is the lure. the promise, and terror, of these disturbing night visitants from the mythological realm that we carry within us.” Interesting to note that in his book, Campbell also talks about how Sigmund Freud’s focus was that journey of the child to adult, while Carl Jung focused on the  journey from adult to old age and death. Luke’s journey in TLJ exactly mirrors his one in Return Of The Jedi. In ROTJ, it’s the Freud angle, in TLJ his journey is more Jungian, he faces his internal violence again (a never ending process in reality), he faces his failure, and transcends it to pass into a fully human death. “In order to advance [to death], the shining sphere must descend and disappear, at last, into the night womb of the grave.” (HWATF, p.12). This is Luke looking at the spherical suns descending, as he passes with them, into the womb of The Force. More musings on Campbell quotes from HWATF: “Where we had thought to find an abomination...”  [When Kylo explains Lukes night visit to him to Rey, Luke looks like an abomination from Ben’s point of view. Luke also makes himself out to look abominable to Rey as he drinks the green milk] “...we shall find a god” [Luke becomes like a God in people’s memories across the galaxy, after his final sacrifice]

“Where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves...” [Luke slays himself, not Ben]  “Where we had thought to travel outward...” [Yoda tells Luke he is still looking to the horizon] “...we shall come to the centre of our own existence,” [he sits on the rock, centered in The Force, where he taught Rey how to be as well] 

“Where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.” [He was alone in self-exile, but in the next movie, he will be with the entire galaxy as a Force Ghost] (p.25) A Non-Violent Coda A great article I recently read had this to add: "Instead of leaping into his X-wing, flying to Crait, and pulling out a can of whupass on Kylo Ren — which is what many of us want to see — Luke behaves like an actual Jedi Knight (in accord with Yoda’s original teachings) and confronts Kylo with cleverness, compassion, and nonviolence." -Taken from this article. All I wanted out of ST Luke Skywalker was for him to acknowledge that he threw down his saber in Jedi. And like the Lurmen Cheif Wag Too says to Anakin in The Clone Wars TV series, "Only when the Jedi lay down their arms and pursue a path of non-violence, will they be true peacekeepers" Like Rey, We All Already Have Everything We Need “See you around kid.” - Luke to Ben at the end of The Last Jedi.’ What is being expressed here is in harmony with one of his lessons from earlier to Rey. That the Force is truly in everything and everyone in the galaxy. “No one is ever really gone,” he tells Leia, then to further the point (if we haven’t gotten it yet!) he say’s to Ben, “I’ll always be with you, just like your father.” All is one. People, things, rocks, X-wings and even Ghosts, ad even the spirit realm. It’s all one. There is no separation. Luke has willingly sacrificed himself and fades into the Force, but he knows he will be with everyone forever. He knows there is no separation between his physical self and his spirit self.

This connectivity in The Force is why Yoda say’s to Luke, “Rey already has everything she needs.” It’s the message that because everything is one, Rey already has all of The Force inside her. Even a poor stable boy now dubbed ‘Broom Boy’ (by fandom) has it. The stable is so Jesus too, oh, and let’s not forget the Harry Potter broom! But Harry had the bloodline, the broom boy does not. Even a girl with no special lineage has it. And that’s the most important message of the whole movie, perhaps now, in the whole saga: That we all have it too, every single one of us. everywhere. In fact it is the one message that every spiritual teacher has brought through history. It was also the most important spiritual message of Joseph Campbell, he said that the that's the treasure every hero brings back, to share with the world, is the knowledge that we are all one. Campbell's Hero’s Journey is widely discussed, but I never hear people talking about this oneness as treasure, that he seemed to repeat so often. I believe that he mentioned it frequently for a purpose. People see him as an author, a theorist and mostly a teacher, however, I see him more as a true mystic, like the Immovable Luke Skywalker.  “The Force is an energy field that connects all living things in the galaxy. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together.”   - Din P.S. I came across this article, and it’s an absolutely perfect look at the Eastern spirituality of Luke in TLJ. Please read, it’s wonderful!