#they could be studying different cool things at uni

[greggs-sausage-rolls]

Primary colour poly <3

[eunimaybe]

breaking news : love in the headlines !

୨୧ ; kim sunoo dating a med student? no way, he doesn’t mix well with you guys! does he even know your name?

pairing! journalismmajor!sunoo x medstudent!reader | wc. 0.9k | warnings: maior fluff, attempted humour, lacking uni knowledge EN-

🖇️ : sunoo version!! he’s such a cutie patootie of course he’s a journalism major ~

i can just imagine sunoo majoring in journalism

like i can picture him interviewing people for the latest newspaper for his university

he's so popular btw

EVERYONE and i mean EVERYONE knows him

he's just so nice to everyone and present in the social dynamics of things you know? - more under cut!!

you could never tbh you can't even answer people's texts

med school is not for the weak

people know sunoo's approaching just from the sound of his ten million keychains on his backpack.

that's how familiar people are with him.

one day you were his new target for his new interview after you won a really impressive award

he was just going through his usual schedule of listening to people's new stories and gossip when someone brought you up

like "oh yeah, that girl named y/n or something won this really cool award for stem, you should definitely interview her!"

let me be honest with you

sunoo had to ask "who's y/n?"

and that's coming from the most popular guy with a social circle larger than the circumference of jupiter

well you’re WAY out of the social orbit with all that work

he did some personal digging and research in hopes to make a little portfolio about you before the interview which proved to be quite difficult

sunoo wants to know why you don't have instagram and why you're not active on snapchat, twitter AND tiktok

in your defence, med school is beating you to pulp

you have the average sleep time of three hours and that’s if the workload is small

you’re basically running on caffeine and that pack of toblerone that doesn’t seem to finish no matter how many bites you have

like it’s not funny anymore

you agree to his request to interview you though even with your busy schedule

free chance to perhaps actually socialise, you can't pass it up yk

sunoo’s actually kind of reluctant about interviewing you

he does NOT mix well with med school kids they’re too serious and studious why did you write studying as your hobby and skill for the stem comp registration

ANYWAYS, this sunoo guy is kinda cute.

you two make plans to meet at the library nearest to campus because you just don't have the energy to go anywhere further after the all nighter you pulled to study

sunoo brings his little microphone and camera and stuff to record the interview

he also brings a really cute digicam decorated with stickers bc sunoo just knows what's up

and of course yall need to take some cute selfies together with the camera even though you two have never talk before bc yolo!

sunoo thinks maybe you’re not so bad afterall

sure you’re burnt out and looking very tired but you’re js fun to talk to

so he asks you some questions regarding the prize you won at some prestigious competition but there’s A LOT of yapping going on.

like A LOT.

it's your first time talking so much with someone you've never talked to before so comfortably

he’s filling you in with some new tea about some of the students in journalism and he just makes it so interesting

it’s almost as if he knows EVERYONE.

well except you. which is a bit sad bc you’ve known about him since the first day

you thought that he was the cutest person ever

tbh you were fawning over him in the hallways and whenever he came into the library whilst you were studying medicine bc he's a cutie patootie

but anyways you tell him about the shit that does down in the science department

he’s hanging onto every word you say and making plans of doing a little article on med bc shit is interestingggg

like wdym the girl's best friend got with her ex boyfriend three days after they broke up UMMM

ok sunoo thought you guys are some different type of species that don’t have time for messy scandals like that

i mean it’s clear YOU don’t have time for messy scandals like that

your attempt at covering up your dark circles failed terrifically and there’s notes written in permanent marker on your arm

bitch why do you have biology diagrams on your skin

sunoo asks if yall can meet again soon and ofc you say yes despite being close to death from school

bc wdym sunoo js asked you to meet up again

THE kim sunoo. wanting to see you again.

little do you know, sunoo also thinks you’re cute ^^ (but he doesn’t appreciate the way you keep using fancy science words)

and you guys meet at a cute cafe near campus to work on assignments together

and sunoo is so helpful

he’s helping you with your essay and you finished it so fast now you have more time to study genetics and do calculus

and you two get cute little pastries and drinks to eat and take a million of pictures

sunoo’s photography skills are no joke btw he knows exactly what angle looks good

ofc he snaps away some pictures and videos of you on his digicam bc you just look so cute in your little dress

oh and you guys just had to take some pics with your sonny angels and smiskis as well which turned out so cute

and you guys walk back to campus after

and sunoo holds your hand (*faints*)

ofc you’re so flustered, and sunoo laughs at your flushed face

“you’re cute when you’re flustered” JDJDKODKSKA

you two are the cutest couple in campus. period.

lots of trips to photo booths, shopping sprees and cute cafe dates THIS IS TOO CUTE I CAN'T

oh yeah, and sunoo has officially appointed himself to keep your fourth cup of coffee away from you to prevent possible mishaps

heeseung jay jake sunghoon jungwon ni-ki

✉️ : @icyy-hoon

[b0r3dtod3ath]

Since you write for Jacek, I asked for a ff in which the reader is Oliver's sister who is studying engineering. And one day, Oliver takes the reader to the paddock to meet with the engineers so that she can talk to them about a project for school, and there she accidentally bumps into Jack and they become friends right away. Continue to write as you want, but I want it to be friends to lovers in the vibe

If you do that, I love you ❤️

♡ navigation / request info / f1 masterlist

♡ warnings: none

♡ a/n: thank you for requesting!

Despite a slight age gap and some differences, you and Ollie were a great duo. One’s always proud of the other. Every weekend Ollie was mentioning his genius sister whereas you were constantly bragging about your brother's achievements to your uni friends. 

So when the time came to start writing your thesis everyone could sense your slight uncertainty. Your brother being the first one to notice. And that's how you end up, following him around the track, this time not only to watch him race but also take a closer look at the car. 

"Trust me, they'll love talking about your thesis," Ollie said, walking through the paddock slightly ahead of you. The black sunglasses shielded his eyes from the unusual sun above the Silverstone track. You felt a mix of excitement as well as nervousness. The thought of showing your ideas to professionals haunted your mind, different scenarios popping up in your head as you watched your feet. 

Suddenly you bumped into something, or rather someone. "Woah!" A voice exclaimed as strong hands grabbed your arms to steady you. You blinked, looking up into a pair of striking blue eyes. A literal prince charming was standing right in front of you. "Sorry about that," you mumbled, stepping back. "Don't worry about it," Jack chuckled. "I should've been paying more attention too." His eyes lingered on you for a moment before he glanced at Oliver. "Hey, Bearman, long time no see. How are you feeling with the new car?”. 

"Yeah, good to see you, mate! The car’s good." Oliver clapped him on the back. "This is my sister, by the way. She's studying engineering, working on a pretty cool thesis. I figured I’d bring her along to meet the team”. I smiled as Jack’s eyes darted back to mine. He raised his eyebrows “So this is the sister you can’t shut up about. Engineering? That’s impressive”. 

Over the course of the next few races you and Jack became closer and closer. He was always next to you when your brother was busy. He would bring you coffee and listen to you rambling about your struggles with the thesis. He would always try to help even though he didn’t understand a word you were saying.

“I don’t think it makes sense. I feel like I have been rewriting the same thing over and over for the last two pages” you said. You put your head in your hands as you stared at the screen in front of you. Jack raised his eyes at you. “What do you mean?”. He moved his chair closer to you so he could see what you were talking about. 

Your bodies were close to each other but weren’t touching, yet. 

Jack leaned in, his shoulder just inches from yours, and scanned the screen. His brow furrowed as he took in your work, reading the lines over carefully. "Maybe you’ve been looking at it for too long - sometimes it helps to get a fresh set of eyes." he said, his voice calm and steady.

You sighed “It just doesn’t feel right”, feeling the weight of weeks of frustration bearing down on you. Your hand hit the backspace key and started deleting every word you had written in the past hour and half. “Hey, don’t do that,” he said, gently holding your wrist to stop you. “You’re so close to finishing. Don’t let this one part make you doubt the whole thing”. 

You met his gaze, feeling a mix of frustration and gratitude. His hand lingered on your wrist a moment longer, his thumb brushing lightly over your skin, sending a reassuring warmth through you. “You just need a break. It’s late, you have been staring at this for long”.

“Maybe you’re right,” you whispered. He stood up, offering his hand to help you up “Let’s call it a night and go grab dinner”.

It was exactly what you needed.

The conversation was light, with Jack making you laugh over stories from the track, all the while reassuring you without even having to say it out loud. 

You were sitting next to each other at a diner near a track. There was a pause, nothing uncomfortable, just a moment for you two to think.

“Thank you, Jack… for everything, really. I think I would go insane without you” you chuckled but you meant it. Jack looked at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. "I don’t think you give yourself enough credit," he replied, his voice low, almost as if he was sharing a secret. "But I’ll admit, I’m glad to be here. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else”.

A silence settled between you again, but this time, it felt different. You felt his knee brush against yours under the table, a casual touch that was a sign of something shifting between you. 

He seemed to gather his thoughts for a moment, his fingers tapping lightly on the edge of his cup. "You know," he started, his eyes meeting yours. “Being with you helped me a lot also. I was really stressed about joining F1 but you always make me look at the positive things. You’re different, you know? I can be myself with you”. His gaze shifted to his lap. His hair fell acting almost like a curtain covering his blushed face. 

You watched him, your heart pounding as he looked down. "Jack," you said softly, reaching out to gently lift a strand of hair from his face, letting your hand linger by his cheek. "I… I feel the same way. Somehow, being around you just makes things… make sense” you giggled nervously. 

A soft smile tugged at his lips, and he reached up to hold your hand, his fingers intertwined with yours. "So we’re on the same page, then?" he asked, a hint of his usual playful tone slipping through, though his eyes held a seriousness that made your heart skip.

You nodded, smiling back, feeling the relief and excitement of finally sharing what had been unspoken for so long. "Yeah, I think we are”. 

Jack’s face lit up, and he gave a quiet laugh, almost as if he couldn’t believe what was happening. His fingers tightened around yours. "Good," he murmured, his voice a little shaky. "Because I don’t think I could’ve kept this to myself much longer”. 

October 27, 2024

[kairoot]

SCREAM FOR ME ─── NRK

西村力 + 𝑓． reader suggestive, established relationship, comedy, thriller ✉️ : hi so I’ve been convinced to make ghostface riki fic by my 3ki girlies (doin this for yall) @elysianiki + @nshmuras .. also, please don’t take the title out of context bro omg 😭 the ghostface movie is literally called scream .. and special thanks to sia for picking out these photos for me :p — 𝐌𝐒𝐅.

entering you apartment in a hurry, you closed the door and locked it behind you, trying to avoid the cool air from entering your home.

it had been a hectic day at uni with trying to finish up any missing assignments before the semester ended and studying for upcoming tests. the only thing you wanted was to curl up on the couch and watch all the slasher movies you could find.

you wished you could start the weekend with your boyfriend, riki, but he had sent you a quick text saying that he was sick and you didn’t hear from him for the rest of the day. which you thought was weird but didn’t really pay it any mind. he probably just needed his rest.

you dropped your bags at the door, walking over to the kitchen to look for any snacks you could bring along with you to the couch.

as you shuffled through the space, your apartment seemed eerily silent, making you feel a bit out of place. the stillness wasn’t something you were used to, normally riki would be playing his game or you’d play some music. but tonight was different.

you shrugged the uneasy feeling off, trying to let yourself get used to having no noise around. you grabbed your bowl of the snack that you had craved so badly, heading to the living room and turning the television on.

you began eating your snack, becoming immersed in the movie you were watching. the tv’s volume was turned up enough so that you could hear it but not enough to miss the sound of something brushing against the hallway wall.

your brows furrowed as you turned your head in the direction, seeing nothing but the darkness of your empty corridor. the thought of something down there made you shutter but you tried ignoring it. maybe it was wind?

just then, your phone rang loudly, prompting you to turn away from the noise and pick it up.

“hello?” you answered.

“‘evenin’, pretty. alone again, i see.” the voice was one you’d never recognized before. but for whatever reason, the person’s words sent shivers through your body.

“who’s this?”

“whoever you want me to be, baby.” they let out a twisted chuckle, their voice dripping with something sinister.

you couldn’t reply, too confused and in shock.

“let’s play a game, shall w—“

“how do you know i’m alone?” you cut the person off, which sounded like a male’s voice but you didn’t pay much attention to it.

he laughed once again, “a little birdie told me.”

he paused for a moment, as if he was going to say something else.

“actually, your window was open.”

you sat up straight on your couch, eyes widening as you looked around frantically. you heard the unknown laugh on the other line, as if he could see the fear on your face.

you hung up, throwing your phone to the side before placing your bowl on the table in front of you.

now you were really worried and way too uncomfortable to continue watching tv.

your phone began to shriek again, the ringtone going off. you were hesitant about answering, but what would happen if you didn’t? would this stranger hurt you?

too afraid of the consequences, you pick the phone up with a trembling hand, clicking the answer button and bringing it to your ear.

“you keep answering me.. it’s almost like you wanna hear my voice.”

your breathing was unsteady as you listened to the stranger, too afraid to speak.

“what’s wrong? cat got your tongue, hm?” he said, faux sympathy in his voice. he could hear the way your breathed, how shaky you were.

“what do you want from me?” you mumbled into the phone.

“i just wanna have fun, sweetheart. that’s what halloween is all about.. right?”

you didn’t respond, too busy looking around the room, studying any corner and window to see where this man was or how he got into your home.

“why don’t we play a game, huh?”

there was another small noise in your hallway, causing you to turn around quickly, seeing nothing but pitch black but still hearing the sound.

it sounded like an object dragging against the wall.

“what kind of game?” you shuttered, backing into the table as you kept your eyes on the hallway.

“how about a game of.. tag?”

the dragging noise became louder and sounded as if it was getting closer.

“wh-what do you mean..?”

“you’ve never played tag before, silly? it’s easy,”

his voice grew more mischievous as the noise intensified, your ears ringing with fear as you let out a small whimper.

“i’m it… and now, all you have to do is scream.”

the call ended abruptly, the scraping noise fading with it. In the darkness of the hallway, you could make out the faint outline of a white mask. it moved closer, as a figure in a Ghostface mask emerged from the shadows.

you dropped your phone to the floor as the figure drew closer. paralyzed, you tried to move, but the shock held you in place— frozen in fear.

the mask tilted, as if studying you— relishing the fear in your eyes. as he headed toward you, the dim light had caught on the sharp edge of a blade in his hand.

suddenly, you didn’t feel so frozen anymore. the glimpse of the knife had knocked you out of your paralysis, causing you to dash into the direction of the kitchen.

the stranger didn’t run��� it only took a few strides across the room for him to have a hold around your waist, pulling you into him tightly.

“where you goin’, pretty? the game just started.”

he lifted the blade up, as if he was going to press it against you, but he didn’t. instead, a familiar laugh came from under the mask, as you wriggled around in his arm.

“riki?!”

he continued to cackle as he let you go, lowering the blade. you turned around to back out of his arms, surprised to see that the “stranger” was none other than your boyfriend, who was always playing jokes.

your heart was still racing as you shoved his shoulder, half relieved and half furious. “that wasn’t funny, ki, you could’ve given me a heart attack!”

he just grinned, clearly proud of his scare.

“got your heart racing and i didn’t even have to try. was i that good?” he joked, taking his mask off so it sat on top of his head.

there was a sheen of sweat on his forehead, his face slightly flushed as he grinned at you.

your heart was slowing down now but a different kind of nervousness took over. you looked up at him with a slight pout on your face, playfully shoving his shoulder.

“no, babe, that wasn’t funny..”

he mirrored your pout, teasing you as he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

“aw, i’m sorry, mamas..”

he gently tilted your chin up, his gloved hand squeezing it gently. his eyes softened as he looked down at you.

“c’mon, don’t be mad,” he murmured, brushing his thumb along your cheek. “i’ll make it up to you… anything you want.”you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, though his warmth and closeness were making it harder to remain annoyed.

“anything, huh?” you replied, crossing your arms but leaning into his embrace.

riki grinned once more, pressing a light kiss to your forehead. “anything.” he repeated, letting his lips linger as he pulled you even closer.

“how about this?” he lowered his face, brushing his nose against yours, before leaning into to capture your lips in a soft, but urgent kiss.

you melted against him as his hand rested on the small of your back, not wanting to let you go. he deepened the kiss, making your heart race, a fluttering excitement coursing through you. your hands came up to rest on the sides of his face as you leaned into him more.

the world around you faded and you nearly forgot all about your scare from moments ago, only focused on the way riki held you so closely.

you pulled back slightly, breathless, look up into his eyes.

“forgive me?” he asked, his voice low and inviting, eyes sparkling with mischief. you smiled up at him, all of your anger gone now.

“do that again and i’ll think about it.”

he chuckled softly, leaning in for another kiss, this one deeper and a bit more passionate. his warm embrace and plush lips had you in a trance, drowning out all thoughts except for the sweet taste of him.

★★★

TAGLIST. @wonsdoll @mimismenu @yourssincerely-mimi @riribelle @nerdimoo @sngleehee @elysianiki — only accepting 40 people.

NETWORKS. @k-films

[sports-on-sundays]

Hello! Could I request something with Marc Guiu where he is smitten by reader who is two years older than him. She also live abroad. And she doesn't stop saying no to Marc to get into a relationship but Marc is adamant and wants to prove her that they can work a relationship together.

Like reader is studying in uni, having her own problems and doesn't want to add a long-distance relationship on top of those things.

Thank you! And I want to say that I really appreciate reading whatever you write.

Giving you a lot of hugs and hoping that you get your inspiration back 🥰

ready when you are / Marc Guiu

Summary: Marc x female!reader - Marc can't get you off his mind. You wish you could get him out of your face.

Warnings: suggestion of depriving oneself of proper self care

Requested?: Yes!

Author's Note: You're literally a lifesaver; thanks so much! Also, I made this a little bit more romantic and emotional than your request suggested, but do you really expect any different from tumblr user sports-on-sundays?!

Sometimes you think that giving Marc Guiu your number was the biggest mistake of your life.

You know it sounds mean, and it's not that you don't like Marc. He's funny; you enjoy chatting with him.

The only thing you did not realise, though, when you gave him your number, was that the boy is smitten by you.

He's stuck on you.

You just thought it'd be kind of cool. You know, you have the opportunity to stay in touch with Marc Guiu. Not world class or anything, but you're a Barcelona girl. It was just a cool idea.

Now, just as you're slipping under your quilt to shut your eyes for some sleep, nearly halfway across from Marc Guiu, in the United States of America (it was a treat to spend a lot of time here), you suddenly, to your dismay, hear your phone vibrating on the end table.

You roll over to snatch it up in annoyance, and sigh even louder when you see it's Marc trying to face time you.

You blow air out through your lips before sitting up and answering, immediately saying, "Is it not, like, 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning there?"

"It's 6:00 A.M.!" the guy beams, his brown eyes sparkling. "You said you didn't want me calling at 9:00 A.M. anymore, since that's like 3:00 A.M. for you, and I'm waking you up in the middle of the night. So I woke up early so I could call you now!"

"Marc," you groan. "It's 12:00 A.M. here! I was just about to go to sleep! Let me make this clear- calling me in the morning for you is off-limits."

His smile very swiftly turns upside, and he almost looks hurt, which immediately fills you with a considerable amount of guilt. "Sorry," he murmurs. "I just wanted to talk to you."

You sigh. Yeah, because you're mad in love with me, you can't help thinking to yourself. You decide not to say it, and inside respond, "I know. It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"Why were you going to bed at 12:00 A.M. anyway? You should be getting more sleep than that... did you not say once you have to wake up at 5:00 A.M....?"

"Oh, Marc," you click your tongue. "With all I've got going on, the last thing I'm worried about is getting enough sleep. I'm holding up two jobs, and having to study, and everyday I give myself at least some time for exploring and travel."

"How do you do all it?" he suddenly asks.

You shrug. "I like living like this. But health isn't my concern like it is yours. We have different priorities. And yours shouldn't be ridding yourself of sleep by waking up early to talk to me, hm?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sure..."

"Now, was there something you want to tell me?"

Through the screen, across the world, you can still see the tenderness in his eyes for you. His soft spot for you that's getting just a tad bit dangerous. "No, not really... Just wanted to... hear your voice, I guess."

"Oh... Oh."

"Yeah," he clears his throat. "I guess I just miss you..."

Despite everything, and the fact that you were determined to keep this to yourself, seeing Marc so open now about this still pushes the words out of your mouth as you say, "Well, Marc... My contract ends soon, which means I'll probably be coming home back to Barcelona for my next semester... After that, though, I've got plans for France... But at least that's closer, right? And you've got me for one semester."

You don't like how 'you've got me' sounds. And you know you shouldn't have said it.

Can't give this boy any more false hope than what he already has.

"Oh!" his eyes brighten, and his mouth tilts up once again. "Seriously! I'm so excited to see you again, then!"

You chuckle. "Y- Yeah, me too. Now, can I go to bed and get a few hours of sleep in?"

"Haha! Whoa, Marc, hold your horses, mate!" you laugh as he practically jumps into your arms for a hug, causing you to drop all your bags on the airport floor. "Just because I'm older than you doesn't mean you're not bigger and stronger!"

He grins, pulling away, and immediately scoops up all your bags for you. "I've already got a cab. Come on. I'll bring you to your flat and help you unpack!"

There's not much you can do to deter the Spanish boy, and once you're in your flat, all unpacked, you two plop on the couch. You sigh in relief as you say, "Feels good to be home!"

"Feels good to have you home, Y/n," Marc pipes in.

Even though you really don't want him to think you're interested, some of the little things he says never fail to make you smile, and feel warm inside.

Whether you want it or not, being loved feels good.

But then he slips his hand in yours. "So, the United States. That was the longest you've been away. Did you miss me as much as I missed you?"

"Probably not as much," you tease truthfully, "and we did face time pretty much every single moment you could. But, yeah, I missed seeing you in 3D."

He grins, and reaches up to tuck a piece of hair behind your hair, asking softer, "So... are you ready to date me yet?"

You lick your lips. You knew this would come, sooner rather than later. You sigh. "Marc, you know my answer." You begin to slip your hand away.

He grabs it back, and brings it to his chest. Now he's looking at you earnestly. "Please, Y/n..." His happy demeanor has quite suddenly turned almost desperate. "I know we can make this work..."

"Marc, I'm not going to be in a long-distance relationship like that."

He frowns, squeezing your hand tighter, looking you right in your eyes. "We already have a long-distance friendship. Why not a little more than that?"

"That requires more emotional involvement. My heart just can't take that. I can't be getting into relationships like that at this point in my life. Maybe someday, I can settle down and find someone. But you know I'm born to run, Marc..."

He looks down. Wraps your hand in both of his and rests it in his lap. "But we'll both be better off. I can make this work. Just give me a chance. Let me prove it."

"You're eighteen. You should be focused on your own things, like football, and your career, just like I'm focused on my own things, like travelling and studying for college. You shouldn't let yourself care so much about me, Marc," you speak gently, almost soothingly. "Please, please don't find your happiness in me. I'll fail you. You mustn't find perfection in imperfect people."

"But you're perfectly imperfect, just like me. Broken, like me, and I love you for these things..." he looks up again.

"Oh, Marc," you barely whisper, staring into those eyes. "Please don't ever say you love me. It's not good for either of us."

"But I do-"

"Marc," you say, sterner. "With everything else I have on my plate, and with everything else I'm chasing after, I can't give myself to you like that. Not right now. We're both so young, you even younger than me. I'd rather see you as a younger brother than anything else-"

"But Y/n-"

"Let's just be friends, okay?"

He sighs deeply. He doesn't nod, because he doesn't want it. But instead he leans in, resting his head against your shoulder, and wraps his arms around your body.

You sigh as his warmth is spread to you.

"Well, I'll enjoy you while you're here, and call often you when you're off to France. And you could run away and go wherever in the world you want, but please. Please always come back to Barcelona. Please always come back to me. Because I'll always be waiting here for you. And I'll be ready whenever you are. Ready for you whenever you're ready for me."

[asordinaryppl]

A3! Practice Conversations - Yearn for the Angel.: Tsumugi Tsukioka

Part 1

Tsumugi: While the Michael in the sequel is definitely Michael, I think at the beginning of the story, he’s a little different from how he was during the debut performance.

Tsumugi: I would like to focus more on the way I act so that the audience can experience an otherworldly feeling.

Tsumugi: I will also keep in mind the fact that he’s a med student as I prepare for the role.

Tsumugi: Spring, Summer and Autumn all put on amazing performances, and then passed the baton to us.

Tsumugi: As we hold that baton close to our hearts, we will definitely put on a show befitting of the Winter Troupe and make it to the finals.

Part 2

Tsumugi: Michael and Derrick talk about how they used to play chess together, so I decided to play chess with Guy-san as well.

Tsumugi: As we sat across each other above the chessboard, we talked about our role building and practice, various mundane things, and laughed over silly jokes.

Tsumugi: Spending time with Guy-san like this calms me down.

Tsumugi: I’m sure Michael felt the same way when he played chess with Derrick.

Tsumugi: Guy-san has a calm manner of speech, and playing with him is fun. I’d love to spend time with him again like this, even if it’s not for role building.

Part 3

Tsumugi: Oh, Director. I was looking at photos from my uni days.

Tsumugi: I’ve been looking back to all sorts of things from that time lately in order to prepare for my role.

Tsumugi: I was a psychology major, the classes were interesting, and I enjoyed everything I learned, but…

Tsumugi: Even more than that, I was focused on theater, and my friends and I would act for days on end.

Tsumugi: And I’ve also been imagining what it’d be like if we had attended the same university…

Tsumugi: We’d attend lectures together, help each other with studying, talk about acting in the cafeteria…

Tsumugi: Now that I think about it like this, I really wish we could’ve spent our university days together.

Tsumugi: … That being said, Director, would you like to try an etude set in a university with me next time?

Tsumugi: I’d really appreciate your help with my role building.

Chat: Juza Hyodo 

Juza: The Winter Troupe’s sequel performance is comin’ up, isn’t it? How’s practice going?

Tsumugi: We’re discussing all sorts of things during practice. We talked about our hand gestures during conversations today.

Juza: Even small gestures like that are important to convey feelings in Winter Troupe’s plays.

Juza: When I watched your delicate acting during your debut performance, I thought you’ve got somethin’ amazing that I’ll never attain.

Tsumugi: Thanks. But I’m also always amazed by your powerful and cool action moves.

Tsumugi: I got really emotional when I saw how much you had polished your action and acting in the sequel performance.

Juza: Thanks.

Tsumugi: Everyone in the Winter Troupe is also getting better. I get really into it whenever we practice.

Tsumugi: And I think I too can now act in ways I wasn’t able to back during the debut performance.

Tsumugi: It’d be nice if everyone’s improvements could complement each other so we can put on an even better play.

Juza: If anyone can do it, it’s you guys. I’ll be lookin’ forward to it, too.

[studentbyday]

week 1 / small commitments challenge

Summary: I was not focused on my challenge goals this week. I was preoccupied, thinking about the different paths I could take and weighing my options for the next couple of years. Not a bad thing, except I let the thinking invade every moment of my life I had to myself. That includes when I was supposed to be studying ochem and when I was supposed to be sleeping and when I was supposed to just be getting on with my day and doing mindless self-care stuff as quickly as possible so I can dedicate time to what's urgent. Yes, I needed to weigh my options and gather information across multiple days, but I did not have to go about it the way I did. It led to me becoming overtired and having difficulty sleeping which led to me being unable to get through my ochem goals which prevented me from doing anything else. The more tired I became as the week progressed, the worse it got. So my two new priorities for next week are: No. 1: Get enough sleep with a consistent sleep time (9pm be in bed, 10pm at the latest) and wake time (7am ideal but 8am bare minimum). Soothe yourself until you're calm enough to sleep. Like you would a baby (e.g. swaddle, massage/gentle touch, dark room, don't voluntarily subject yourself to anything stressful or overstimulating in the half hour before bed). That's how you stop and keep out of the overtired cycle. No. 2: Lots of meditation throughout the day! 5-10 mins when I wake up, minimum of 10-15 mins before bed (unless perhaps i feel less frazzled thanks to the meditation breaks which help me stay focused throughout the day? idk), and 1-2 minutes in between big tasks (those that take 2h or more) in order to reset my mind before I move onto the next task and give my brain a rest after processing lots of info on a deep level, so it can sustain that level of activity throughout the day and the rest of the week. I'm hoping that by prioritizing rest, I can succeed at my new study routine (which has also changed from last week as my priorities have changed...yet again) and work more efficiently and quickly while staying cool in mind! A chaotic breakdown of the week aka my sleep-deprived end-of-day gibberish where I try to make sense of everything that's happened lies below 😅

Monday: sleep deprived -> slow start to the day -> quite behind schedule. i listened to 1 and a half chemistry lectures, added to the notes from last week, read and annotated 1 of the 2 sets of notes i'm supposed to read this week, and answered all except 4 questions of a practice quiz on last week's material. asides from this, i did 1/3 of an Algebra 1 lesson, took a nap, and practiced driving.

Tuesday: later start than yesterday bc i wanted to get enough sleep. overall worth it, but that meant there wasn't enough time to get everything done and there were lots of distractions to field. i only did ochem and practiced driving today. i didn't even finish all the ochem i wanted to (i finished 1.5 lectures again, added to notes, started reading the second set of notes for this week, and answered 1/4 of the questions for 1 of 2 assignments for this week). i'm still trying to find a routine that works for this subiect bc it's really condensed (most weeks cover 2 lengthy modules at once 😭) and it's not a subject that's that easy to feel confident in just right off the bat...at least for me 😅 who knows, perhaps for the time being, i'll have to spend more than 4 hours on it a day until i feel confident in the fundamentals?? i also have lots to improve on in my lecture notetaking skills (i.e. trust my memory more and write down notes only AFTER i finish watching a lecture instead of attempting to write notes DURING the lecture and getting confused -> rewinding)

Wednesday: my problem this week is that i'm very distracted. still trying to figure out which path is best for me (i.e. to transfer uni or change program within my uni if that's possible...definitely probably shouldn't stick with my current program tho, that's one thing i've pretty much decided), asking around, doing my own research, trying to think of any combo of reasonable options i haven't explored yet (this is what i was doing for a lot of today). i really hate unresolved issues. they stick around in my head until it's resolved and even if i'm not actively thinking about it, i can still feel its presence in the back of my mind (and if it's big and concerning enough, it will keep bugging me at inconvenient intervals)! 😤 and this issue will stay unresolved until i have made a decision. and even then, i might still question it until enough time passes to show me that it was the right decision 😅 it's like...either i'm in "re-assess" mode aka "question every decision i have made and could make and predict to the best of my knowledge where it will lead me and do i like where it leads me?" mode (WHICH CANNOT ALL BE ANSWERED IN ONE SITTING SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SCHEDULE THIS?!?! 😵‍💫😫), or "put your head down and do the work" mode wherein i'm in danger of losing sight of the bigger picture. i swing from one to the other whenever smth happens to make me realize i've stayed too long in one mode. (like in this case where i was feeling very annoyed with my current lifestyle, finally decided to say "fuck it" to my strong desire to stay within my comfort zone, and explored other options and their pros and cons which included grad school admission requirements 🤦🏻‍♀️). i'm grateful to have this many options, but today i got so overwhelmed by them and the deadlines by which i need to have made a decision and the fact that there's a lot of ochem this week to do which is more urgent but also not as existentially worrying that i decided to rid myself of the mounting anxiety with a cardio abs workout. 🥵😮‍💨😮‍💨 it worked...but now i am so pooped and don't wanna get up 😅 (update: i did get up and did a little more ochem)

Thursday: too tired to do all the ochem i wanted to (i did a little reading, a little bit of lecture watching, and finished the last 3 Qs on 1 of 2 assignments this week). i keep letting myself get overtired with my overthinking against my better judgment (like, especially after an intense workout the day before??? girl, you need to sleep!!!). anyway, i've finally pretty much decided to just switch programs at my current uni but i don't think i'll really believe i've made the decision (objectively! all on my own! using a weighted pros and cons list! 😁) until the end of this week. 😅 it will still be a more rigorous program, although not in the ways i expected (but still good!), and it will challenge me in all the right ways but i won't rack up as much expense (thank goodness! 🙏🏻) and it will be a shorter commute and i will get to spend more time with family which is just such a relief. i don't want to fall into the rat race mentality, tho sometimes i think i need to. but perhaps that's just FOMO and comparing myself against others in an unhealthy way. like, i don't actually want a rat-race/hustle culture type of life for myself if i have the option not to live one, yet i sometimes feel like i need to be a completely different person living a completely different lifestyle in order to really make it in this society...well, there are many ways to skin a cat.

Friday: ochem lab, watching another lecture, reading the ch, working on ochem assignment, and driving.

Weekend: sleepy. reset routine and family time. finishing up ochem submissions for this past week (done is better than perfect! 😤) and driving.

[thesecrethistori-an]

Omg hii I saw you answering a bunch of peoples uni questions and you were so nice at answering- so here's mine too!!

How do you improve your social life in college, in just socially anxious and like I know all the generic advice but it's still tough

Like I have friends but it isn't like glamorised fun you know, we hang out- I like them but it's not "crazy" like I don't go to parties with them, or go out with anyone that often? Like is that weird? I feel like I want to change that but I don't know how to?

Hii!! Thanks for your question!! I love this because it has really forced me to think about how I relate to others and how I've struggled to find my people

It's genuinely hard to socialise in a way that isn't just checking the boxes but that actually is fulfilling. It took me years and it was sometimes exhausting (ironically the pandemic helped me solidify my friend group)(then I moved to a different country and distanced myself a lot from my Spanish friends, which is something I haven't fully resolved yet).

I'll just throw in some ideas:

You genuinely need to be interesting: do not fake a personality but reflect about your offline identity. You befriend people that you find cool/funny/intelligent. People that can hold a conversation. You cannot expect your friends to be just an entertainment. Friendship is exchange ;)

If there are student clubs in your uni, join one. It doesn't need to be the thing that interests you the most, it could be something you're curious about. There, if people hang out after their meetings... Join! And if they don't? Honestly, choose two of your favourite people, propose a fun hangout that is simple (board games bar if you like that, drinks, coffee, visiting a museum) and pitch it to the rest of the group. Chances are everyone is looking for an excuse to socialise!

You can try different clubs: first year I joined a feminist association, a photography club and an mun club... I ended up only staying in the mun club and some of my best friends rn (even after I moved out of the country) I met there!

Related to this: it is irrelevant how cringe your classmates/other people/friends from outside think a club is. It's not the point, the point is having fun! I know mun is extremely cringe and I couldn't care less... I learned so much thanks to it and I met so many wonderful people (and a bunch of assholes ofc)

If there are no student clubs: test the waters. When I moved from Spain to Czech rep I was super frustrated because the student life dle internationals was very poor, especially if you didn't want the usual Erasmus activities (nothing wrong with them, but I was looking for stable connections, not just friends that will leave in 6 months). Then a weird "club" opened applications and I just applied... And got selected! Basically it wasn't even a club yet, just a group of 3 girls who were in the same situation and had the brilliant idea of creating a student club fulfilling what they felt was missing! It is now a huge success and our activities really have improved the experience of other international students. Sometimes it's about taking action;)

It takes a lot of alone time to find your people. I made "friends", similarly to you, when I first moved here and 6 months in it was obvious we were not really tight. It's okay, some friends are for grabbing a coffee and that is also important, but we all crave real connection. The more people you meet, the more you force yourself to approach people, propose plans, invite them for a coffee, for a study session, for a new activity, the easier it will be to find a group you like!

Don't indulge in loneliness for too long. My friends here took months to invite me to join their group chat because they just thought I genuinely was okay with meeting them very casually (they thought because I was pretty chill I must have a real friend group elsewhere — I didn't and if I'd been less shy I'd been surrounded by this wonderful group months earlier).

Don't limit yourself to people from your degree, even from your uni. I love "mixed" student clubs because they allow you to meet the wonderful people that study around you and who you would never meet otherwise!

Be politically active: I believe this is something all of us should do. The current political climate calls for action and joining social movements will help you be part of a bigger community of people that share your values. Test the waters before you fully join (I didn't stay in the first feminist group I joined because a few meetings in I started to see red flags)

Conclusion: it's very hard and takes time and effort but there's always hope. Start small and be at peace with temporary loneliness. It gets better 🩷

[neil-neil-orange-peel]

TYO Essay

A while back, I mentioned I wrote an essay for my previous uni course where I used TYO as a source to look at the early 1980s. @a-a-a-anon expressed an interest in reading it, so here ya go! The quality of it is seriously iffy (I was 18/19 when I wrote it and had no idea how to actually write or reference academic essays yet, and just the quality of the writing makes me cringe a bit). There was also more I wanted to say but couldn't due to the word limit (don't remember what these other things were now). Despite all that, the lecturer liked it, and it was cool I got to write about TYO for uni.

The Young Ones as a Cultural Source for Early 1980s Britain

Although today in Britain the future often feels uncertain – the global pandemic notwithstanding, Brexit is still looming on the horizon – the Britons of 40 years ago doubtlessly felt similarly, albeit for different reasons. In the early 1980s, the threat of nuclear war was palpable, as the existence of Protect and Survive[1] attests to. Nuclear war paranoia influenced British culture in the 1980s, with bleak examples such as the BBC film Threads (1984) and Raymond Briggs’ When the Wind Blows (1986) still remembered keenly today. Both fictionalisations of nuclear war featured material from Protect and Survive and highlighted the message of contemporary nuclear disarmament protestors: no one can win a nuclear war. Of the less apocalyptic issues, unemployment hit 3 million (about 11.7%[2]) in 1983 – for comparison, in 2019 it was estimated to be at 1.281 million (about 3.6%[3]). The Thatcher administrations’ efforts to break from the post-war consensus and embrace neo-liberalism created divisions in society. Yet, amidst threats of nuclear war, mass unemployment, the decline of British industry and the growth of individualism, a cultural revolution in comedy dubbed “alternative comedy” was fast taking hold in Britain – and in much the same way Thatcherism’s impacts can still be felt on society today, so too can alternative comedy’s.

Running for 2 series (12 episodes in total) on BBC2 between 1982-84, anarchic and slightly surreal sitcom The Young Ones epitomised the break between older styles of comedy and the new wave. Although The Young Ones has been called ground-breaking and classic, it is also now regarded as somewhat dated for its jokes pertaining to current events. Therefore, its scripts are an interesting source for an insight into the time in which it was produced and based: early 1980s Britain.

Firstly, it is important to understand what The Young Ones actually was. Written by Ben Elton, Rik Mayall and Lise Mayer[4] and with additional material provided by Alexei Sayle, it followed the misadventures of four vastly different university students at the fictional Scumbag College in North London. Whilst the four were never seen doing anything remotely akin to studying, it aimed at being representative of university life, students and the squalor they lived in. The show was not a conventional sitcom in that it did not pertain to a family and it featured a musical act in every episode so that it could be classified as “light entertainment”, as the BBC had no further budget available for sitcoms at the time. Because many of its principal actors came from the stand-up comedy circuit, there was an emphasis on excitement and unpredictability over discernible plots and many memorable scenes featured characters injuring themselves and others, destroying bits of the set and crashing through walls, as well as randomly interspersed and unrelated cutaway gag segments. There was a cartoonish level of slapstick violence, swearing and toilet humour, which appear milder to today’s palate than 40 years ago.

British audiences were divided by The Young Ones mostly along age lines, with younger viewers engaging readily with this new style of comedy and older viewers seeing it as unnecessarily vulgar and silly. Indeed, the characters that had been transplanted from their actors’ stand-up routines were deliberately disgusting, exaggerated caricatures and horrible to one another. Mayall himself played wannabe lefty anarchist Rick, who frequently came to rather explosive blows with the violent punk medical student, Vyvyan (played by Mayall’s comedy partner, Adrian Edmondson). Also featured was badly done to, depressed hippie Neil (played by Nigel Planer) and the mysterious leader and straight man of the group, Mike The Cool Person (played by Christopher Ryan, the only one of the core cast without a comedy background). Sayle too appeared in every episode as either their hated landlord Balowski or a member of his family, where he would deliver a short stand-up monologue to the camera. The show’s title (and opening theme) was derived from the Cliff Richard song of the same name, as Mayall’s character was a huge fan.

The Young Ones took on the issues of its day, perhaps none more so than the episode “Bomb”. “Bomb” uses dark humour to address fears over nuclear war by having an atom bomb land in the characters’ kitchen at the start of the episode. Even before the characters deal with the unexploded bomb, the script is already hinting at the theme of nuclear war in this cutaway gag sequence, featuring a family on a packet of cereal:

FATHER: Would you two shut up and keep smiling? We’re supposed to be the ideal nuclear family!

GIRL: Post-nuclear, more like!

Not only was this segment ridiculing the “ideal nuclear family” that was promoted by the Thatcher governments – none of the characters posing as a family get along at all and the “father” reveals himself to be gay, thus exposing the lie that there is truly an “ideal” family – it also managed to slip in a quick gag about nuclear war. This reflected a genuine belief by many at the time that nuclear war was coming, especially amongst the young.[5]

When the main characters finally become aware of the bomb in their kitchen, the script offers this response:

NEIL: I’m going upstairs to get the incredibly helpful and informative “Protect and Survive” manual! Nobody better touch this while I’m gone!

This reference to the Protect and Survive manual, which at the time and retrospectively has been regarded as useless in the event of an actual nuclear attack, appears for the purpose of ridiculing it. Having the character of Neil act as though the manual could help deal with something as serious as an atom bomb in the kitchen employs sarcasm as a critical tool. Protect and Survive featured suggestions such as painting the windows of the house white in order to deflect the heat from a blast, which The Young Ones also satirised:

RICK: Neil, can you lend me five- What are you doing?

[NEIL is reading his survival manual while painting himself white with a paintbrush]

NEIL: Oh, painting myself white to deflect the blast.

RICK: That’s great, isn’t it? Racial discrimination, even in death! What are these? [indicates a few lunchbags on the table]

NEIL: Sandbags!

The misinterpretation of the manual’s instructions, as well as the substitution of items deemed vital for items found in the house, reflects the feeling that most British households were simply unprepared for a nuclear attack and stood very little chance of survival. This is compounded later in the episode, when the four main characters resort to hiding underneath the kitchen table as a means of escaping the blast of the bomb – something many had resorted to in air raids during WWII but which was drastically inadequate protection against an atom bomb. This episode also portrayed the nihilism in British culture over nuclear war – a nihilism that can be found in other cultural sources, such as The Smiths song “Ask”[6] – through the character of Vyvyan, who spends much of the episode attempting to set the bomb off.

This show being the work of alternative comedians, The Young Ones also utilised its anarchic tone to critique the Thatcher administration of the time. This was usually done through the character of Rick, who blamed Margaret Thatcher for most problems faced by the group. Though his character existed to satirise upper-class closet conservatives as well as overzealous student activists, he was something of a mouthpiece for the left-wing writers. Some of his more memorable outbursts include:

RICK: We haven’t got any money! Vyvyan’s baby will be a pauper! Oliver Twist! Jeffrey Dickens! Back to Victorian values! [directly to camera, angrily] I hope you’re satisfied, Thatcher!

RICK: Neil! The bathroom’s free! Unlike the country under the Thatcherite junta!

Other characters were used to critique the government too:

RICK: School’s out forever! Yeah, come on everyone! Let all your hairs hang out! Do whatever you want!

MIKE: What’s all the excitement, Rick? Has education finally been cut altogether? That’s the only reason I voted Tory.

The first of these is a reference to the 1983 interview in which Thatcher endorsed a return to “Victorian values”. That is, a rolling back of the state to unburden the individual and set them free to prosper, should they put the effort in. This New Right attitude, combined with the high unemployment figures from that year, created the view that Thatcherism was about looking out for “number one”. This wasn’t aided by Employment Secretary Norman Tebbit’s “Get On Your Bike” speech at the Conservative Party Conference in 1981. The Young Ones captured the mood of particularly the youth in such a climate – one in which many felt misunderstood and patronised – in a cutaway segment featuring the fictional TV programme Nozin’ Aroun’:

BAZ: Rol! A lot of my mates say to me, “Oh Baz, what is the point?” What would you say to them?

ROLAND: Well surely, Baz, your mates must realise that there definitely is a point!

BAZ: So a real message of hope and good cheer there – from Roland, a really ace guy!

To summarise; just as is the case today, early 1980s Britons were facing uncertainty. This was especially the case for anyone working in manufacturing industries, as the unsuccess of the Miners’ Strike of 1984 signified a wider trend in British industry. The government’s overarching aim of turning society away from one in which a “nanny state” risked making people idle to one where everyone was free to accumulate wealth that would trickle down to the less well off was never going to be a smooth period to live through. The last tremors of the Cold War didn’t help make the period more bearable. Yet, it is often harder or uncertain times where laughter becomes more valuable to people and The Young Ones – though not to everyone’s political or cultural tastes – undeniably provided some release for younger generations. To call it an entirely accurate depiction of early 1980s Britain would be to forget that its primary purpose was amusement. Nevertheless, it does provide a colourful insight and one that is remembered with fondness by those who grew up watching it, even today.

[1] Protect and Survive was a series of government issued pamphlets, public information films and radio broadcasts produced in the late 1970s/early 1980s, to be distributed 72 hours before a nuclear attack was expected. Public interest meant they were released in 1980.

[2] https://countryeconomy.com/unemployment/uk?dr=1983-12, December 1983

[3] Office for National Statistics, December 2019

[4] All of whom are alumni of the University of Manchester.

[5] After speaking to some adults who were young during this period, Mr Smith revealed how (aged 11 in 1983) he told his class: “I want to be there when the bomb drops. I want to be right next to it so I’m disintegrated and don’t know anything about it.” Additionally, he was under the impression that a bomb would likely be dropped on Piccadilly Gardens, Manchester.

[6] “If it’s not love / Then it’s the bomb / Then it’s the bomb that will bring us together” – S. Morrissey & J. Marr, “Ask”, The World Won’t Listen, 1987

Bibliography:

Sources:

B. Elton, R. Mayall & L. Mayer, “Demolition”, The Young Ones, BBC2, 1982

B. Elton, R. Mayall & L. Mayer, “Bomb”, The Young Ones, BBC2, 1982

B. Elton, R. Mayall & L. Mayer, “Cash”, The Young Ones, BBC2, 1984

B. Elton, R. Mayall & L. Mayer, “Nasty”, The Young Ones, BBC2, 1984

B. Elton, R. Mayall & L. Mayer, “Summer Holiday”, The Young Ones, BBC2, 1984

Central Office of Information, Protect and Survive, Her Majesty’s Stationary Office, 1980

Transcript of Brian Walden interview with Margaret Thatcher for BBC, 1983: https://www.margaretthatcher.org/document/105087

[chemblrish]

Hey so you said you were doing physical chemistry- my school teacher ochem and inorganic at the same time so I am just gonna ask:

What the hell is up with the d orbitals? Like how they let transition metals change colour and act as catalysts? If you can, thank you!

Hey there!

Ohhhh the d-block elements are really cool! The d-orbitals are funky, what you're asking about here is pretty interesting. I wish I could help you with both of these concepts, but unfortunately we haven't covered catalysis yet, so I really don't feel qualified enough to talk about it. I can explain the part about changing colors though. It's all about the electrons, as usual <3

[Btw I'm actually studying this sort of thing in inorganic chem :D pchem is a whole different bag of bananas.]

So, the d-orbitals. I'm going to assume you're familiar with orbital diagrams - they'll come in handy here. With that in mind, please consider the following ions: Ti(4+), Cu(+), both of which are colorless, and then: Ti(3+) (purple) and Cu(2+) (blue). Sc(3+), Y(3+), and Zn(2+) are also colorless. See a pattern here? If not, let me help you out:

As you can see, all the colorless ions have either full or totally empty outer d-orbitals, while the colorful ions have unpaired electrons on their outer d-subshell.

Quick and necessary digression: why are things colorful anyway? You probably know what the general mechanism here is, but just in case you don't, the simplest explanation is that when a photon hits an electron in an atom, the electron can then jump up to a higher shell. Electrons don't like staying up there though, so an excited electron will quickly jump back down to its original shell and release a photon in the process - which we see as colors .

[Yes, it is more complicated than that. Yes, I did greatly simplify it. Please don't throw anything at me, dear physicist friends.]

Now, back to our orbitals.

If an ion's outer d-orbital is full, it means the electrons there have no space to "move". They can't jump from one square (or rather from one orbital) to another because as per Pauli's exclusion principle, there can only be two electrons in a single orbital. Similarly, if there are no electrons whatsoever in the d-orbitals, there's nothing to "jump". Duh. The substance is colorless.

However, unpaired electrons mean there's at least one square (orbital) that can still accommodate one extra electron without breaking Mr Pauli's heart. As photons hit the d-orbital electrons, they keep "moving up and down" and releasing photons in turn - which gives them their color.

This, too, is a huge simplification. In fact, the d-orbitals can also split into levels of different energy and it's those levels that the electrons actually jump between. It's called the crystal field theory and you can look it up if you really want to start crying violently and having nightmares every night. If you aren't in uni yet though, it really isn't necessary. I think my explanation should be enough. I sure do hope it can be helpful :)

[isakyakihasmyheart]

Mind Dump 5 years on...

This is the first time I've logged into this account since 2019(ish) so I'm pretty sure there's going to be no one left here but if you are, Hi! I'm just going to dump this post here because I am a tumblr girl at heart and laying my most deepest thoughts to strangers on the internet is all I've ever known...

After the recent news of the death of Liam Payne 2 days ago I've been thinking about this website non-stop. Like many people, this news hit me so unexpectedly emotionally. Grieving someone I never knew, but also grieving a time in my life I can never ever experience again.

My life has changed so much since I last logged into this account, and yet so little at the same time. I started this account in early 2017 after I got into SKAM back in 2016, abandoning a previous Dan and Phil centred account I had from 2014. I was still in school, the last season of SKAM lining up with my own life of leaving school and starting university. I remember thinking that was so cool, watching these characters I grew to adore also experiencing their last year alongside me. I started university in late 2018, studying to become a nurse but yet never got over SKAM. Instead, I became obsessed DRUCK and connected to Matteo in a way I haven't ever experienced with another fictional character since (the only close match being Connell from Normal People in that one uni scene iykyk). However, I ultimately ended up abandoning this account in 2019.

I don't actually know why I stopped coming on this website. Because since I was 14 this website was all I could ever think about. Me and best friend in 2014 were absolutely obsessed with tubmlr. We would literally spend hours on this website reblogging the most random things, and things that at that point in our lives meant so much to us. And with this recent news, I've felt this strong tsunami of nostalgia for that period of my life.

I was never a 1D blog, but I loved 1D. Not very openly as I had older sisters who made fun of me for it. I squashed any outwardly expression of my love for them to avoid this at all costs. A major cost being turning down to go and see them in concert in 2014/2015 when my friend (mentioned above) had an extra ticket. I think about that often and regret it every time. When covid came around and we were in lockdown I was in the mid/end of my 2nd year of uni, 20 years of age. I know a lot of people talk of how they regressed back to their younger passions, and so did I. I had the full 1D experience I never let myself have, not caring about others' opinions on it (mainly my older sister). I listened to their music nonstop every single day, watching so many edits and even reading fan fics. I truly felt like I was 14 again. But there was always that voice in the back of my head saying, "you're too late, it's not the same, you've missed out on it all." I yearned with everything in me to be that teenage girl again. It was during this period in 2020 that my family relationships also became very volatile and dysfunctional, meaning 1D became an even bigger safe space for me.

I've always been a nostalgic person in the worst way possible. I can't help but let the regrets of things I never did consume me. The thoughts of how different my life could be, how different I could be, it always plagues me. I know this sounds dramatic because I'm talking about a 2010s boyband, believe me I know it does.

But I was 14 when my life started to go to shit, when my mental health first started to decline and truthfully it has never recovered. Maybe because in the back of my mind, I always felt like that 14 year old girl, scared and alone and hurting so bad with no one to help her. And the unbelievable shocking news of Liam Payne dying, it's just transporting me back to that period of my life. Even more so as I lost my dad very unexpectedly and traumaticly in March this year.

I just feel so full of grief for so many things all at once, all separate yet all so intertwined. I would truly give anything and everything I have to just relive being that teenage girl, even the unspeakable bad parts. And it makes me so angry to know I can't. And of course, I can't, because that's not how time works! Yet it feels like I can't breathe when I come to that realisation. In all its dramatic flare, it genuinely feels like it's killing me that I can't ever experience that life again.

All in all, I'll never truly forget this website. Especially not this account, I loved this account! Maybe this is just the part of growing up I'm currently struggling with. I'm 24 now, which in itself is scary because no matter what I am and always will be that 14 year old girl.

Girlhood is forever and always xx

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

I'm admittedly a little drunk and feeling a little sad so vent post I guess, but I wish it was easier to make friends as an adult. I don't have many friends irl so I was drinking alcohol with my fucking parents and I live with them for now still and if I were to move out soon I'd have to live alone. And like I wish it was as easy to make friends irl as it is online. I'm not the best at talking to people online either, and don't have like many friends online, but at least online I can see that someone likes the same yhing I do so I can message them and we can talk about the thing we like. But irl I can't do that. And irl I have to try to be polite and cool, and normal, but like I'm the most anxious person ever and I'm autistic so social interaction irl is like a whole boss battle, and I can never truly shake off the anxiety. And I have more friends outside of my country because I used to study in the UK, but I can't get a job there and things are so much more expensive there so I don't want to stay there either but then I have to choose between having friends or being able to afford to live (living in my home country), and it sucks. And I don't know what to do. I'm currently in my home country and I'm considering going back to university because at least then I'll be able to be around people again and my first uni degree wasn't what I wanted to actually study. But I also need to do research on that and how to pay for uni and where to go, and I don't thinkni can start this year, which means I have to wait. And waiting means being lonely for months. And sometimes, in moments like this, I kinda wish I would've killed myself when I tried to when I was younger because at least I wouldn't have to deal with all this. Because I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. I wish someone could just tell me what to do or point me in the right direction. Or I wish my life could just skip forward to the part where I'm happy and I have more friends, and I'm not some sad worthless human. I want things to be better, but it feels like its taking forever. And I just wish things were easier. I wish I wasn't so alone. I wish I wasn't so anxious all the time. I wish things were different. I wish I was happier

[thisisnot-yourgrave]

The thing about adhd and academia

I wasn't a bad student. I was fortunate enough to have really smart friends who could follow instructions very precisely and they basically got me through the entirety of highschool. I don't think I have ever opened my biology book, let alone read all the assigned reading, I was always able to somehow get past it with a moderate grade. But that time of my life was filled with so much Stress that I would never go back.

And then I went to Uni and suddenly, I was really good at what I was doing? I got exceptional grades, like I never had before and it was such a strange experience because I didn't feel like I did anything different. So, I finished my bachelor's and went on to do my masters because I thought: okay, cool, this is something I can do.

Turns out, these two semesters have been hell for my mental health and I am barely passing my classes. Realistically, it's probably because I moved to another country and it's a different uni and multiple choice exams are the actual devil, but I feel so fucking defeated. I studied more than I ever did for those exams and one of them I failed twice? You can't tell me that I was able to graduate with a very good grade and now am too stupid to answer ten questions. But the problem is that you have to adapt to the exam format rather than the exam format to you. I wonder how people expect me to do that with a literal learning disability.

The thing about being disabled is, that every time you think you carved something out for yourself, you've created a life for yourself, something happens and it fundamentally changes your entire world and you are back to doubting if there will ever be a place for you.

All I want to do is have a quiet, peaceful life.

[nature-nerd-sarah]

it's your turn! Narrativise your life! Find a moment that has the core of a novel you'd read and then MAKE IT SO

I've thought about it, and barring any stuff that I should really talk through with a therapist first (the Dutch healthcare system is so overtaxed and understaffed that I probably never will), I think my first year of uni could be pretty good.

Get into uni to study biology. My first ever relationship ended in a break-up near the end of summer vacation, and I have pretty bad social anxiety, but whatever. I'm gonna try my best to make a new life in uni.

Rent a room from a private landlord. It's small and has no outside windows. The only sunlight comes from a window into the hallway, which has an outside window. Whatever.

Dutch unis have a thing called "introduction week", where new students get sorted in groups to do activities during the day and parties at night. I start drifting away from most of my introduction group pretty much as soon as introduction is over. We were just randomly sorted anyway.

I do end up becoming friends with three of them, E1, B1, and L1. Too lazy to think up fake names, so you're just getting the first letter of the first name, and a number if there's more than one person with that letter.

Also met a girl at a camping trip during summer, M1, and we kind of stay in touch. I feel attracted to her, but don't realise this is an after-effect of the break-up.

A new housemate moves in, D1. He complains whenever stuff gets to loud for him, which is anything above a whisper after 6pm, and anything above normal talking during the day. He sometimes starts banging doors and shouting because you're too loud.

I hang out with E1, B1, and L1 at uni for a while, start getting closer and eventually start dating M1, and try not to get into D1's way at home.

At some point, B1 and L1 pair up for a uni assignment. Bad idea. They're too different in how they work, end up fighting, and the friend group falls apart.

Start getting second thoughts about dating M1 around this time too. She's... a difficult person to deal with, and I'm not equipped to handle all that.

At some point, the landlord is having some work done to the bathroom. It's pretty necessary work, but very noisy. D1 attacks the workman over this. They beat each other up pretty badly, and the landlord kicks D1 out.

Meanwhile, I start hanging out with another friend group at uni, an introduction group that did actually stay together. E2, D2, B2, M2, E3, L2, and L3. L1 also hangs out with them, because she's becoming toxic bffs with E2.

I realise I can't with M1 anymore. She really is too much for me to handle. At the time I have some weird superiority complex about breaking up with her, in hindsight I feel bad for using her to get over a previous relationship. Such is life, I guess.

I realise a studymate, D3, lives near my house. I greet him in the way to uni one day, and we end up going together a lot. We also meet up for drinks sometimes.

The friend group I'm hanging out with is becoming pretty toxic. L2 and L3 are talked about barely behind their backs for being too lovey-dovey of a couple. Truth is they're both autistic, and L2 has some pretty bad anxiety that L3 is helping her with.

I at some point mention that I'm bi to this group. I didn't think it was even that remarkable, but they do. I feel a real shift in how they treat me going forward. Especially E2 and L1 become much colder towards me.

I end up hanging out with D3 at uni more as well. Also with his friends M3, N, and T. They're all pretty cool. L2 and L3 start hanging out with us more too, because we're not being shitty about them being lovey-dovey.

I go for drinks with D3 and L3, and the friendship is really cemented. We make a group chat, and start doing most of our assignments together.

This all happened in a little over a year. That final friend group (D3, L2, L3, M3, N, and T) has been my stable group of uni friends for 8 years now. They're the ones I recently came out to as trans.

[frenchiepal]

don't worry about late reply clearly i am also late...i hope your thesis is going well i know how busy it can get i also just finished up my degree D: (what am i going to do with myself now that i'm done???)

ah, yes I think it's normal to push phonetics/phonology. i've talked to some professors and they've said my uni is a bit of an outlier because it has profs who specialize both in formal linguistics (with the more traditional focus) and more functional/applied linguistics. so i guess it's me more so with the unique experience!

yes...i really didn't like learning about UG and syntax trees etc etc (i seriously don't get the point like why try to fit a language into pre-conceived UG when you could study it with an open mind and learn so much more?) I was lucky! I was actually able to take hist ling both during my undergrad degree (i did a ling minor) and again for my MA...it was !so fun! and a lot of hard work too, but often the best classes are. hopefully you'll be able to take one sometime!!! it's just such an interesting topic

p.s. all ling memes are welcome

you 🤝🏼 me

replying late

(must be a linguistics thing lmao)

first of all congrats on finishing your degree ahh?? 🎉🎉 i wish my uni would offer more applied linguistics tbh if only to give me more arguments against the "linguistics is useless and you're gonna end up as a taxi driver/jobless" crowd :') imo it's a fifty fifty chance what kind of syntax course you get - either the cool one (yay how to different languages operate?) or the loser one (ug, also trees) dbdbs

i'm gonna post all the lingi memes i have soon there are so manyy

lots of love! <3

[cipher-the-sidhe]

Hi Cipher! Just wanted to poke in and say I love reading all your tags on the Orca Eclipse art and designs folks have been creating and learning more about orca anatomy from you! I also saw a while back you commented on a post about folklore and the fair folk and that caught my attention too! Are you at all familiar with the fantasy books by O.R. Melling, "The Chronicles of Faerie" and "The Book of Dreams"? They were my favourites when I was a teen and got me interested in the fair folk.

All this to say, I'm so happy to listen and read anything you have to say about orcas and the fae and thank you for sharing the knowledge! <3

Hiiii Plum!

The DCa fandom recently really has just been “hey, how about we poke Cipher in the special interests, hm?” And then they did. I hope people are having fun with my orcas facts! I am trying to not be too terribly obnoxious about it but I am THRILLED to have any excuse to ramble about these things.

I haven’t read that book series, but since you mentioned it I did look it up and it looks like it is very much my beat. I’ll have to put that on my reading list! Though the description gave me similar vibes to The Orphan’s Tales by Catherynne Valente, which I think you’d like.

I went to Uni for marine mammology to study orcas for three years, but my knowledge of orcas is very specialized to the super small endangered population I study/do conservation stuff for (the southern residents, which only have 73 living members), so it’s like having a base education about Europe but knowing a TON about Poland in particular lol Orca cultures are quite distinct so not everything I know about them as far as social structures and behaviors go is universal to the species. Even the local orcas here (Biggs vs Southern Resi vs Northern Resi) are wildly different and even refuse to interact with each other. They even speak different “languages”! (Even a human can hear the difference in dialect and it is So Cool)

The fair folk though! I definitely specialize in the Fae lore of North America and Albion, but I could go on and on and ON about fae from around the world and never get sick of it. I have a particular fixation on water horses (eich uisge, capaill usice, glashtyn, kelpie, nøkk, etc etc).