#they clearly wanted to say that and did imply it but it's 2024 i need you to lay it out on screen or you do not get any points

[3gremlins]

i watched both wolverine & deadpool and the finale of arcane today and my (shouldn't be hot take) on both is i really wish that hollywood would let those sad boyfriends say out loud that they love each other and kiss on screen. like hours of endless violence? totally fine. men saying out loud that they love each other? verboten and really just THE BIGGEST SIGH.

(at least arcane gave us on screen girlfriends but still)

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Sorry to keep bombarding you with house MD reqs but may I request a Wilson x transmasc reader for kinktober? Specifically with either the edging/overstimulation prompt or the Public sex prompt. I'm on James Wilson of Oncology brainrot 😔☝️

- 🌝

ofc you can! and don't even worry about it, I love all the requests you send in 🥰 thanks for the kinktober request!

(also I went with Wilson being on the receiving end of the edging/overstimulation but if you ever want a fic in the future that has it the other way around please don't hesitate to ask! I love writing subby characters with dom readers but I understand completely if that's not really what you had in mind)

Kinktober 2024 Day 10: James Wilson x transmasc reader having semi-public sex that involves edging/overstimulation

Warnings: smut/nsfw content, semi-public sex, both edging and overstimulation, riding, bottom sub Wilson, top dom reader, condom use/protected sex implied but not explicitly stated (please use a condom irl if you don't want stds and/or children I beg of you), slight humilation kink, could be seen as dubcon in some areas but everything was properly consented to beforehand

Princeton Plainsbouro Teaching Hospital was great for many things. Getting a check-up, having a transplant, resting after spending several grueling hours in surgery. One of the things it was also used for was the occasional quickie between members of the staff.

Sometimes it was in dark corriders, though mostly it was empty patient rooms or supply closets. This time happened to be in the office of a certain head of oncology.

"Shush, James. You have to be quiet unless you want us to get caught," you murmured teasingly in his ear as you sat on his lap. You were straddling him as he sat in his desk chair, his dick plunged deep inside of you.

"You're doing this on purpose," he lightly accused, his voice strained. His hands were gripping tightly onto the armrests of the chair as he did his best not to allow himself to get any more worked up than he already was.

You'd been cruel, and you knew it. He'd been edged for the past half hour or so as you made yourself cum again and again and again, forced to do nothing but sit there and watch as it happened. You promised (well, threatened is more like) that the second he came without having your permission first you'd get up and leave, and he couldn't possibly have that.

So he simply sat there, the light sheen of sweat on his face and neck causing his skin to glisten in the light. If he wasn't so focused on keeping himself from cumming, he'd have been admiring the view of you on top of him.

He so desperately wanted to finish, at least get the chance to cry out your name, but he knew both of those things were currently off the table if he wanted you to stay.

"Please," he begged in a pitiful whine, trying not to squirm as he felt you clench around him. "It's- it's not fair-"

"You sound so pretty when you beg." You leaned in and peppered the side of his neck with teasing kisses as you continued to slowly move up and down in his lap. It was hard not to smirk when you felt the way he hips jolted upwards into yours, further signifiying his growing need. "Ah, ah, ah. What did I say about moving?"

"Please, please let me cum," Wilson pleaded with you, his bottom lip (which was pink and swollen from all the rough kisses you'd given him earlier) sticking outwards in a visible pout. "I- I can be quiet- I'll be good for you, I promise-"

"Hm..." You pretended to think it over before finally relenting. "I'll let you cum, but you can't stop until I tell you to, okay?"

If he'd been thinking clearly, he probably would've taken a bit longer to consider your conditions, but your offer was just too good for him to refuse. "D- Deal. Whatever you want from me, I'll do it, I swear."

Famous last words, you thought while pulling your face away from his neck, a certain glint of mischief in your eyes. "Alright, baby. You can cum now if you really want to."

It was like the floodgates had opened up just from you saying those words alone. His body tensed up underneath you, and you could feel his dick twitch inside of you as he released his load. Thank god for condoms, because otherwise that would've been one hell of a mess to clean up.

He leaned back against the chair as he tried to catch his breath, his eyes shut and his breathing ragged. It almost made you feel bad for what you were going to do next.

When he felt you pull off him and move back to sit on his thighs, he thought nothing of it. It wasn't until your hand met his aching cock that he realized what was going on.

His eyes shot open almost immediately when you wrapped your hand around his member and began to slowly jerk him off, which prompted him to remember your words from earlier. "I'll let you cum, but you can't stop until I tell you to."

"Oh, god..." He whimpered pathetically as he squirmed around in his seat, realizing the overstimulation he felt from your touch was just going to keep getting worse until you decided to give him a break.

"I don't think he can help you now," you replied with a smug grin, visibly proud of yourself for the mess you'd made of the usually so put-together doctor.

He could only let out broken mewls in response, his head tilting backwards as his eyes glazed over. "T- Too much... Can't do it..."

"Yes, you can," you insisted in a soft yet firm tone, giving his sensitive cock a light squeeze to further set him on edge.

It must've worked, because you heard his nails scratch at the leather upholstery on his chair's armrests in an attempt to help ground himself. "I can't," he protested in a strangled plea.

You disreguarded his words as you continued to pump his member, which was slick with your arousal from when he'd been inside of you. "You're going to get the both of us caught if you keep whining like that."

He huffed loudly in frustration, not amused. "Y- You're awful. You want us to get caught at this point, don't you?"

"Keep acting like a brat, and I'll page House. I'm sure he'd just love to get a front row view of you falling apart underneath me."

That certainly did a good job of shutting him up. If there was one thing that was worse than being teased and taunted relentlessly by you, it was being teased and taunted relentlessly by both you and House. He already disliked it happening in general, meaning there was no way he wanted to experience it in a situation like this one.

"Just once more, okay? Cum for me once more, and then we're finished," you bargained with him as you kept your hand wrapped around his cock. "Just one more time, baby, you can do it, c'mon."

The combination of your promise and the gentle encouragements you gave only got him closer and closer to his goal. It wasn't until you leaned in and sunk your teeth into the side of his neck in an affectionate bite that he was officially pushed over the edge.

He heart was racing at this point, his legs shaking somewhat as the aftermath of his orgasm washed over him. "You can never settle for just a normal quickie, can you?" His voice was breathless as he lightly joked with you, his chest visibly rising and falling as he sat back in his chair.

You looked like the cat that ate the canary as you watched him, overly smug at how wrecked he looked right now. "With someone as irresistible as you? Never."

Likes < reblogs | comments are greatly appreciated | requests are currently open

Main masterlist | House MD masterlist | wanna be added to my taglist?

Kinktober 2024 masterlist | Kinktober 2024 info post/prompt list

🏷 taglist: @pigeonmama @caplanreblogsfics

[angstyandromanticwriting]

Regina George X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute, and Fluffy Prompt [Sneak-Peek]

• Takes place after the occurrence of the film [2024 ver. with Reneé Rapp]

• Some mild changes made to some elements of the story

• The prompt will be dropping in its entirety on Saturday + There will be more!

• This is another new idea, but does not impact the other ideas I am already writing for!

!TW: Being stuck in a toxic relationship, insult(s), mention of previously being kidnapped, implied suffering from PTSD + Depression + Separation Anxiety + Anxiety in general, mention of previously being abused + injury detail - If I’ve missed any, please let me know ❤️!

Birds’ Eye View/Heart’s Desire

“Are you done, or-?” You inquired, raising your eyebrows, after Regina threw another line of insults at you; you’d told her to rant, seeing she needed it, but…

“No,” she answered, without hesitation, even though she appeared a little exasperated, wincing, before she looked away from you, and sighed heavily, knowing she shouldn’t get you involved with all that was currently frustrating her following her recent arguments with her boyfriend, Shane Olman, especially when you didn’t even know him, and hadn’t ever talked to him, only a recent student at Northshore High School, managing to take on Senior Year after you’d been expelled from your last school. “Yes,” she added, barely audibly, and you would appear surprised, not expecting such an answer from her as you tilted your head partially, a pained as well as skeptical expression on your face; you didn’t want her to feel as if she couldn’t talk to you about all that was burdening her the way you feared she did, hoping against hope - however - at the same time, that she had instead managed to clear her mind a little, until she crumpled, and looked up at you again with a hurt look on her face before she said ‘no’, her voice softer than you’d ever heard it before. “N-No, I’m not, I-.. I’m-..” She shrugged, before awkwardly bowing her head, and you would nod gravely, smiling sadly over at her, before you timidly inched closer to her to gently squeeze her shoulder, prompting her to express relief, her heart skipping a beat, before she glanced up at you again, and felt strong enough to continue just by having her gaze lock with your own in the best way possible. “I hate you,” she spat, her gaze never leaving your’s, whilst you couldn’t help, but smirk in her direction, amused though you knew you shouldn’t be, but it didn’t stop your heart from aching as you wondered who had hurt her the way you could tell that they had, before she’d come back to your Uncle’s ranch with you. “Y-You stink, and I hope an air conditioner falls on you,” she added sharply, clearly through gritted teeth, whilst you appeared taken aback - of all things you thought she might say, that was one of the least you’d been expecting to hear, but it still made you have to fight back a giggle regardless of how it had shocked you, at first, “okay.” She drew in another shallow breath, before releasing it through her nose like you’d told her to, just to try and calm her down when she’d almost broken one of the mucking up shovels you and her had been using to tidy up the horses’ stalls here. “Okay, I - I think I’m-.. I think I’m done, now,” she stated, and you would almost feel disappointed, though at the same time of course you were relieved to know that she seemed at least somewhat relieved, now that she’d slung out yet another insult in your direction, though she wasn’t directing anything of what she meant toward you; she couldn’t.

The thought startled her, just for a moment, as she winced again, and forced a smile in your direction, trying to hide that such a small thing had flustered her the way nothing else ever had before.

“That’s good,” you stated, and she would hesitate, before nodding, and smiling softly over at you, this time the smile was genuine; it was hard not to allow the corners of her lips to curve upward whenever she was around you, “that’s always good - so-.. are you ready to talk about it, now?”

She would appear taken aback by your question, her smile faltering a little, before she awkwardly cleared her throat, and nodded slowly, though you could tell she was reluctant to discuss what had been happening between her and Shane recently.

“I guess,” she answered, and you would smile warmly back at her, glad that she felt able to talk about such things with you - it even made you feel a little warm and fuzzy inside, like a sense of pride was washing over you in response to your hope that she seemed to trust you, just as much as you trusted her, and somehow had ever since you’d first met her that day; the day she’d first been sent here by her mother to distract her, and take her mind off of the tense situation between her and Shane, before you’d even started at Northshore High. “But - if we’re gonna talk about it,” she began again, and you would tense up for a moment, wondering what she might be about to say, next; you were always terrified that maybe something bad would happen - that maybe she would up, and abandon you, though you couldn’t imagine why. You always put such dread up to how you’d been kidnapped, and abused the way you and, a few years ago now; you were quite young when it happened, and the nights you’d spent screaming and crying had never left your mind, especially not at night, where your nightmares were at their most vivid moments. For a moment, you remembered your kidnapper coming in to kick at your side for how you’d tried to call your home, after successfully sneaking out of his basement, but that wasn’t the worst of the punishment; he spent every night after that breaking each and every one of your fingers, and he would have moved onto your wrist, or toes, if the police didn’t locate you when they did. You winced at the memory, but you wouldn’t let her see the pain in your eyes as you bowed your head, before she could lock eyes with you again, making her heart sink a little as soon as she realised she wouldn’t be able to lock eyes with you again, if you didn’t lift your head the way you had, before, trying to act as if you were distracted by the next pile of dung you were shovelling up at your feet. “Can we do it whilst we’re mucking up, l-like we are, now?” You appeared taken aback again by her request, forgetting your previous thought as you looked up at her again, forgetting how to breathe for a moment whilst she silently admired your eyes without even realising that she was, trying to tell herself that it was just because it made sense to make eye contact right now, rather than glance down at your lips, or just down at the ground when you were both in the middle of a conversation the way that you were, or had been, now.

You appeared skeptical again, once you’d recomposed yourself, and could finally breathe again, as soon as you remembered how your lungs were supposed to work, ever since you’d been born a few years ago, now.

“I don’t know,” you answered warily, prompting her heart to sink, and eyes to darken a little; it made something ache within her for a reason unbeknownst to her to see that you still didn’t seem to trust her with the shovel, but she guessed she understood after she’d been wielding it the way she had earlier, wanting to either break it or smack someone over the head with it whilst she’d been thinking about her and Shane’s recent argument. It was seeing the hurt on her face - even if it were only there for a moment - that made your heart cave in, as you - without hesitation - took up her shovel, before holding it out to her, and forgetting how to breathe all over again as you waited for her to take it from you. “Here, of - of course we can,” you reassured her gently, a little breathlessly, but you tried to hide that you couldn’t breathe as you tried not to watch her hand as it inched closer to your own, before she accepted the shovel from you, and couldn’t help, but allow the pinky finger of her left hand to brush against the back of your own, prompting your heart to stutter, and you to tense up again as a makeshift spurt of electricity seemed to run down your arm - something you’d never felt before. You wondered if she felt it too, noticing the dazed expression on her face, making your cheeks heat up as you hastily looked away from her again, though you longed to keep your eyes focused on her, and only her, despite your not knowing why you’d even had such a reaction to her skin touching your own the way it had, for a split second.

“Thank you,” she replied, once she’d been able to find her voice again as she smiled timidly down at the ground beneath her, “that was-.. really brave of you, considering.”

You lifted your eyebrows again as you glanced over at her, confused by her praise, but still you couldn’t keep the smile from your face as your eyes glinted a little over at her, prompting her heart to skip a beat again as soon as she felt your eyes upon her, encouraging her more than enough to glance up at you again, her eyes not hesitating to lock with your own as you both faltered in place for a moment, staring over at each other as if nobody else existed anymore, besides you two, right here, right now.

It took her more strength than it ever had before to stay stood where she was, seeing herself in another universe inching closer to you, whilst she lifted her right hand up to your left cheek, only making her heart begin to pound a little as you warily glanced over at her, your heart skipping a beat, almost as if you were picturing the same thing as she was, hardly breathing, just like she was, stood before you, before her eyes darkened, and she awkwardly cleared her throat again to break herself from her previous daze, as well as you from your own as you silently cursed yourself, before digging up at the muck again to try and clear your head somehow, only to fail miserably as soon as you felt her hand upon your shoulder.

“Reg-” You spluttered out, before you even knew her name was slipping from your lips, but before you could continue, she pressed on, determined to show you that she meant everything she told you, whilst she knew you silently doubted some things about yourself, though you’d not even told her her about what had happened to you, when you were younger, and felt more hopeless than you ever had before.

“I meant it,” she cooed, gently squeezing your shoulder as you timidly glanced up at her, wishing you could breathe normally again, whilst at the same time you were terrified of losing the way she made you feel, whenever she was with you the way she was, now, “you’re the bravest girl I know.”

You tried not to shudder, your eyes threatening to fill with tears as a lump began to form within your throat, only making it harder for you to not break down in front of her as you forced a shaky smile in her direction, before bowing your head again as soon as small tears began to form within your eyes.

“Bravest, huh?” You mused, and she nodded hastily, not hesitating at all because she meant every word, and knew she always would. Being hit by a bus the way she had last year had made her feel different; more grateful, of everything, as well as everyone, around her - for a split second, whilst she was unconscious, she swore her life had flashed before her eyes, and it made her feel guilty for almost everything she’d ever done - well, everything, until now.

“You - mean a heck of a lot to me,” she expressed, and you would appear taken aback again, your heart skipping a beat, before you glanced up at her again, and wondered why your heart felt as if it were being squeezed even though at the same time it felt as if it were currently soaring with every word she shared with you, and you’d reacted in similar ways ever since you’d first met her, and began to feel alive whenever she was with you the way that she was, now, “you always have, e-ever since I-.. y’know, got to actually know you, and talk to you, and that’ll never change, I promise - you know that, right?”

“I know,” you reassured her, your voice briefly trembling, prompting her heart to squeeze alongside your own as she frowned, and carefully eased you into a hug whilst you melted into her embrace, and wouldn’t hesitate to return it as you buried your face into her left shoulder, feeling safer than you ever had before as you subconsciously drowned within her sweet scent in the best way possible.

“Good,” she returned gently, “I’m glad.” You both fell quiet for a moment as you tried to recompose yourselves, before she held you at arms length blissfully, her eyes glinting alongside your own. “So,” she chimed, and you couldn’t help, but giggle softly whilst you carefully brushed away any remaining tears, “should we continue mucking, or-?”

You smiled warmly at her, before nodding, and taking up your shovel again, as if she hadn’t had you almost breaking down completely within her arms a brief moment ago.

“I’d love to,” you replied, brighter than she’d ever heard you before, prompting her heart to jump alongside your own as she smiled sheepishly back at you, evidently glad to see that you were happy again, now that she’d admitted to you that you were more than what you thought you were to her, before, “as long as you’re still up to talking about whatever you wanna talk about, as we go?”

She tensed up again, remembering Shane, and the fight he and her had had, earlier today, and for a moment you regretted more than anything bringing up the situation, until she smiled reassuringly over at you again, and nodded, before taking your free hand within her own to soothe you even more, indirectly making your heart pound faster than it ever had before as you tried not to glance down at her fingers intertwined with your own, whilst also silently praying that she couldn’t hear what was currently going on within your chest.

“Always,” she answered, and you would express relief, your expression softening, before you glanced down at the ground again, your cheeks heating up even more than they ever had before, “but before that - where should we start?”

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed it, and are looking forward to the dropping of the full version! ❤️

[lennadanvers]

Tsar Bomba*

Johnny Soap MacTavish x Reader

A/N: This is just angst. I wrote it quite some time ago, but I guess it's time I post it. I'm not sure if I really like it, but at least it has a cool name lol. It may or may not have a part 2. The ending I have in mind is not happy, either way. Other than that, I guess the only TWs are mention of past trauma, mentions of a narcissistic father, past narcissistic abuse, and just Johnny fucking up. If I missed anything, please let me know and I'll add it.

*Tsar Bomba: Soviet thermonuclear bomb that was detonated in a test over Novaya Zemlya island in the Arctic Ocean on October 30, 1961. The largest nuclear weapon ever set off, it produced the most powerful human-made explosion ever recorded. (Amy Tikkanen, Encyclopaedia Britannica, 2024)

Soap is an asshole. A complete and utter idiot, with zero regards for other people and their feelings. A stupid pile of scottish-

“Aren’t you gonna go after’er?”

When Ghost is giving you relationship advice, you know it’s bad. Not like Johnny didn’t know that before Simon asked one of the most useless questions he’s heard. Which is to say something, because even he's asking himself that same question.

Am I not gonna run after her?

Of course, the question doesn’t come alone. It implies many others, each of them a punch to the guts.

Should I? Does she want me to? Would it change anything? Do I deserve to drag this any longer? Why would she want me to be with her? Is she even capable of forgiving me? Am I? How could I do it? Why am I so stubborn? Why couldn’t I just do as she said just this once?

Truth be told, most of the questions are accusations. Guilt. Johnny doesn’t fight them. On the contrary, he sides with the feeling in an absurd display of a split personality. One part of him punches, kicks and bites (sadly, in his head he doesn’t carry any guns… Which is, now that he thinks about it, okay, because he deserves a very long suffering); and the other bares the weakest parts of him: neck, belly, the way he’s always known he doesn’t deserve the love he needs… Both versions of him have red cheeks and wet eyelashes.

For the first time since he’s met you- but not the first in his life- Soap thinks he should die. The same way he knows any object he lets go of will fall to the ground, he should die. It’s the next logical step: he let go of you- more like threw your heart to the floor, the thought makes him flinch-, so now it comes the end. You ran out the door, and now…

Now you’re coming right back.

You’re stomping in his direction. You’re blushing, dark red cheeks and nose that he usually finds beautiful, but that right now look awful. Because it’s rage red, hurt red, indignation red;and it’s all directed to him. All provoked by him. Stupid, idiotic him. Asshole him.

Maybe it’ll help you, to yell exactly that at Soap. Even better, you’ll do it in front of Simon. His closest friend, his coworker, his superior… He deserves the humiliation. You deserve to inflict it. You deserve everything.

You stop where it’ll be clear you’re yelling at him, but not close enough for him to touch you- he wouldn’t dare, either way. Except you don’t yell. You just take a deep breath and clench your fists.

“I fucking told you, Soap.”, your voice is shaking, and so are you. And him, now that you didn’t call him Johnny, “I told you to not do that. I told you why I… Why he… I told you!”

You had told him. Twice. He even had asked about it the second time. “I don’t have a relationship with him. I haven’t spoken to him since I was in high school. I moved away as soon as I could, and I’m happy I did. He’s not in my life anymore”. You were so proud when you said that, that there wasn’t a place in your life for your father.

You give Simon a quick glance, and the man stares back at you. He’s not going to pretend he hasn’t been present for the whole interaction. He’s not going to pretend he isn’t listening to you. It clearly makes you uncomfortable, but Johnny is willing to let you know that Ghost will probably kick his ass after this- maybe it’ll help a little with the awkwardness.

Your voice sounds more like a growl when you keep talking.

“I said I never want to see him again! Why would you do that?! Why did you…! He knows where I live! He went to my fucking job, MacTavish!”

Your lips trembles. You’re breaking a little, and he doesn’t know what it is. Pain? Fury? Frustration? Betrayal? Fear? Whatever it is, you make it disappear with another deep breath.

Johnny is terrified. One deep breath and your whole face relaxed. Your eyes don’t look like they’re about to flood your cheeks anymore. It’s a mask that says nothing. You’ve closed off.

It’s a stab to his spine. He knows you used to do this. You used to cry in the bathroom, quietly, and come out like nothing happened. You used to not be able to let him know how you felt. It took you years to cry in front of him for the first time. To trust him. To learn that he was safe.

And he violated your trust.

“This is over. We are over. I warned you! You knew not to do this, the only thing I… I don’t… If you wanted to do it you should have said so, that way I wouldn’t have wasted… You had no fucking right, Soap! I fucking told you I hate him. He went to my apartment! He was there! Why would you…? You had no right!”

He opens his mouth. Doesn’t know what to say, though. Or, actually, he doesn’t know what he can say. Sorry? Not nearly enough. Not even a fraction of what he feels, and even less than a portion of what you deserve. Soap knows the only thing that would fix this, he can’t do: not having done it in the first place. Not tracking your father down. Not asking him to meet up. Not thinking he wasn’t that bad. Not telling him how good you’re doing, despite how proud Johnny was of you. He should have never asked him for his blessing to marry you.

But you don’t want to hear his silence any longer.

“Don’t! I don’t want to see you ever again. I hope you’re happy. You know him now, congratulations! Now you know everything. I bet he was so fucking nice with you. I bet he said he was so proud of me, even if I never treated him right, didn’t he?”

No, Soap is every opposite of happy. Yes, he said that. Yes, at the time he thought your father was nice. He wants to stab himself in the heart for thinking that. He knows that man was an awful parent to you- hell, he wasn’t even a parent.

But that was his mistake, wasn’t it? For Johnny MacTavish, family is the most important thing. Without family, nothing else is worth it. And seeing you celebrate birthdays and holidays only with friends, knowing your family was out there, far from you… He didn’t want that to happen in your wedding, too.

Key words: he and wedding. First mistake: it wasn’t about him. Fucking selfish asshole. Second mistake (this one was more of an idiotic fantasy that he didn’t deserve): wedding. Yes, maybe his father had asked his mother’s dad for her hand before proposing. And? Those were Johnny’s parents. Why in hell would you want him to ask someone else if it was okay for you to marry him?

“He does that! I’m not crazy... He’s- he's nice to other people! He’s manipulating you. And I’m not going to have that narcissistic bastard in my life. You and him can stay the fuck away from me! Even if you didn’t love me, there was no need to do it.”

Don’t love you? Soap wants to cry- his body is just frozen in place. He is a miserable person. All he does is love you. How did he manage to make you think otherwise? To make you feel otherwise? How did he dare do the only thing- the worst thing…?

Your head snaps violently in Simon’s direction, and Soap can almost see him bracing himself for what’s about to come. Which is an unnaturally calm and controlled voice.

“I’m sorry you had to see this, Simon. And I’m so sorry you have a friend who doesn’t understand boundaries or respect, at the very fucking least. I’ll put his stuff in a bag, and I’ll leave it with the doorman, in case you want to go get it for him. I’m sorry you got involved in this, I… I’m so sorry.”

There you are, apologizing again. Johnny was working on that with you. He had been for the past couple of years. But you’re doing it again, even though it is not your fault. It never is, and you’re always sorry, and he wishes he was dirt so at least you could step on him without feeling guilty. And he wants to rip his own heart out and hand it to you. He wants to use his stupid nails to scratch his stupid chest open, his stupid hands to break his fucking ribs and any other bone he can find in the way. He wants to crack his head open against the wall. He wants… It doesn’t matter what he wants.

Because you’re leaving.

You’re leaving, and you’re not crying. You’re so hurt that all the effort you did to open up, all these years working on learning how to be vulnerable, just disappeared. You’re back to the place you were when he met you. Except it’s worse now.

He made a mess. Johnny fucked you up.

For the millionth time today, he wants to die.

[honeysuckleharringtons]

any chance you could do Counselors' Lounge for steve please? 🫶🏼💫

hi, love!! i am so so sorry this took so long to get out, work stuff happened and mental health stuff happened but i hope this was worth the wait! it's also not technically workplace but they are working at a summer camp, but if you wanted something else, feel free to leave another ask and i write a new one hehe 🫶🏻💛

"Take Me To The Lake" ~ S. Harrington

Summary: In which Steve's last summer at his childhood summer camp becomes his favorite summer ever.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,048 (she got a lil wordy oops)

Content Warning: reader and steve are implied to be around 18/19, sexual humor and fade to black smut bc steve is a hoe, light mentions of food, mostly fluff but a lil angsty at times, possibly bad descriptions of volleyball bc it's been a minute since i played, reader from ohio lol, lmk if i missed anything!

Extra Notes: yeah i did name it after a taylor lyric, what about it??

Originally Written: 07/07/2024 through 0718/2024

Beta Read By: @writer-in-theory 🫶🏻❤️

masterlist | summer celebration

“You're going down!” Steve shouted from his side of the sandy volleyball court, hands on his hips to further prove his point.

You simply shook your head. “You wish, pretty boy!” It looked a whole lot like he mouthed something to the effect of ‘Yeah, I do,’ but a children's summer camp wasn't exactly the place to unpack that.

Camp Clearwater was probably your favorite place on Earth, and it was the one place on Earth where you were guaranteed a month of wonderful bliss with your favorite person ever. To say it was your favorite month of all twelve in a year was probably a little biased, but when you were getting to see the one person on the planet you adored more than anyone else, it was hard not to pick favorites.

Steve Harrington had started out just like any other camper in your eyes: for one, your rival, considering you were never on the same team at camp due to gender differences; not to mention, he was someone you only saw that one time of year. But, thanks to raging hormones at the wonderful age of thirteen, a chance game of “spin the bottle” after dark had brought the two of you together and you'd been inseparable ever since. Sure, you were pretty much only guaranteed the month of July together, but after that fateful first kiss, you called each other every night and all but forced your parents to drive you to the other's city every now and again for a date or two.

“Alright, when the whistle blows, the Ladybugs will serve,” the announcer practically yelled through the bullhorn. Your bones rattled with the volume of her shout, but it only added to the excitement coursing through you.

The whistle blew, the ball went up, and Kimmy smacked it right into the back corner of the court. Was it cheating for you to pick your two best players for the championship set? Maybe, but with Kimmy's precise serves and Megan's ability to keep the ball in the air no matter how many times she had to dive or slide, it would feel wrong for anyone else to be on that court.

The girls met in the middle of the court for a high five, clearly proud of the serve. Cheering them on from the sidelines, you yelled, “Good job with the ace, girls!”

The ball went up again, this time a lighter serve that barely made it over the net, taking out the setter of Steve's team. Still, they managed to keep the ball up, even with the weaker of their players being the one to spike the ball back over to your side of the court. It went back and forth a few times, eventually ending when Kimmy's block went out of bounds.

Steve had definitely brought his A Game when training the two boys on his team, seeing as most of the round, both your team and his were neck and neck on points. Before you knew it, the score was twenty-three to twenty-three, and either team needed only two more points to win.

In hindsight, maybe it wasn't the best decision to coach against your boyfriend. Sure, healthy competition was always a good thing in relationships, but it was Steve's last year as a counselor, and you'd hate for him to walk away sad. Although, from the crease forming between his brows, you could tell that he was more stressed than anything right now.

“Come on, guys, you got this!” he shouted from his side of the court, hands clapping loudly in excitement. You couldn't resist doing the same, turning to your own team and cheering them on.

The next point went to the Ladybugs when Megan surprised them with a tip that fell right over the net, giving the guys' team basically no time to bounce back. You were one point away, and the thought of winning the championship—even if it was only just at some summer camp—made your heart rattle inside your rib cage.

Then, the Beetles took the next point with a shocking service ace, keeping their team and the game alive.

Two more points and again, it was anyone's game. Your heart pounded and your hands shook at the exhilaration and thrill that this game was giving you.

The ball went back and forth, back and forth, until you'd forgotten you were a coach, not a spectator. You were just as entranced by the ball as the parents watching from the bleachers were, and you didn't even realize what had happened until all the girls on your team came flooding over to you, all squeals and cheers.

“We did it!” one girl, Britt, screamed as she jumped up and down. Another squealed, apparently incapable of forming words. Megan and Kimmy were all smiles as they did the handshake all the girls in your cabin had started doing toward the beginning of the month.

You couldn't help but be proud of your girls, not just Kimmy and Megan, but each of the girls on your team that had fought for this year's trophy. In a sense, it was your last trophy, since you'd now graduated high school and wouldn't be playing in college. Though, you definitely were coming back to Camp Clearwater every summer you could.

After your celebratory dinner in the dining hall and the most bittersweet of goodbyes as you sent all your new friends back home to their parents, you couldn't help but search for your ‘rival’ coach to see how he was handling things.

You found him back in his cabin, alone since all the campers had already been sent home. Walls that were usually filled with posters of baseball players and favorite movies were now bare, beds that normally housed pre-teens were now vacant, and the boy who usually wore a smile was now sporting a frown, one that displayed what looked like sadness and homesickness.

“Cheer up, pretty boy,” you said, catching his attention, his eyes darting up to meet your figure where you stood in the doorway. “You've always known I'm better than you at volleyball.”

He snickered, his frown slightly disappearing. “You wish.”

You stepped closer to him, shutting the cabin's front door lightly behind yourself. “What was that you mouthed at me today? Yeah, I do?”

Steve rolled his eyes, though his expression displayed joy at your words. “Thought you might not have caught that.”

Your hands met his hair, swiping through the brown strands delicately. “I'm a better lip reader than you thought, Harrington.”

“Yeah, that's not your only specialty with lips though, is it?”

A scoff escaped your lips. “Is that all you think about?”

“Sometimes,” he said, a slight smirk tugging at his lips. “But mostly I just think about how pretty you are and how lucky I am.”

A smile pulled at your own lips, your heart nearly melting at his sweet words. Still, despite his demeanor, you still felt the need to ask, “Are we okay after today? No hard feelings?”

His brows creased. “Why wouldn't we be okay?”

“I did beat you at your very last Beach Bug tournament,” you reminded him, your hands moving down to his own and interlocking your fingers.

“Don't remind me,” he said dramatically, throwing his head back. Then, he met your eyes again, his expression sickeningly sweet. “Seriously though, we're okay.”

You held out your pinky finger, a pout appearing on your face. “You prommy?”

He locked his pinky around yours. “Yes, I prommy,” he replied sarcastically before pulling your hand up to his mouth and kissing the knuckles.

Then he was pulling you onto the bed with him, both your legs and his braiding together as they dangled off the side of the mattress. Steve's hand met your waist as he pulled you into his side while his lips met your head for a soft kiss.

“Weird how this is the last weekend I'll spend in one of these cabins,” he mentioned as his eyes darted from you to the roof.

“Don't remind me,” you parroted his words from before, only this time they were true.

His hand slid down to meet your bare leg, skin sun-kissed from all the time you'd been spending in it lately. You noticed his eyes avoiding yours, and the homesickness that swirled in them. The two of you still had another forty-eight hours before you had to leave each other, and yet he was already longing to be back in your arms.

“I do have some somewhat good news, though.”

Your heart raced at the possibilities, though your brows wrinkled in confusion. “What?”

“Well, I was gonna tell you over the phone when I found out but I thought it would be better to tell you in person. Just in case I don't get the reaction I'm hoping for.”

This only made you more confused. “Why would I be upset over good news?”

By now, the two of you had made your way back to sitting, his legs still dangling from the bed while yours were now pulled underneath yourself. Steve’s eyes were more serious now, his breathing speeding up as he got closer to his confession. “Do you remember how I said I was moving for college?”

“Yeah, your dad was trying to get you into U of Chicago,” you waved your hand as you remembered his words. “Alma Mater crap, right?”

Steve chuckled at your question. “I may have not been entirely sincere about the whole thing.”

He just kept adding to your state of confusion. “What are you talking about?”

Steve took your hands in his, watching as they intertwined once again. “He was trying to get me into UChi… but that's not where I'm going.”

“What are you…”

The next statement had your heart racing just as much as the volleyball match that afternoon. “I got into Bowling Green.”

Your mouth flew open as your arms wrapped around his neck, squeals flying out of your mouth left and right. “You're kidding!”

His head shook against your shoulder where it rested, and you swore you felt a tear slip against your tee shirt. “I know it's not Denison, but-”

“It's here. It's two hours away from me. Not six.” By now, tears were forming in your own eyes, your smile wider than the lake outside of that cabin. You pulled his face away from your shoulder, meeting his gaze again. “Why would I be upset over this?”

Those big brown eyes you loved fell down to the floor, his tears drying up in an instant. “It doesn't mean I can come back here.”

You wiped at a stray drop of water on his cheek, causing him to shiver at the touch. “Why not?”

“My dad made an agreement with me. If I promised him my summers at the firm, I could promise you my weekends during the school year.”

Butterflies shot off in your stomach like fireworks. He may not have been able to give you everything you wanted, but he could give you enough. And that was simply all you needed.

Hands made their way into dark brown, beautiful strands. Lips met skin, the pulse point of his neck to be precise. “Steven,” one kiss, “Otis,” another kiss, on his jaw, “Harrington,” one last kiss, underneath his ear.

“Hmm?” he asked. You could almost hear his eyebrow cocking upward.

Another long kiss, then a small nibble to his earlobe. “I love you.”

“You're insane.”

His tee shirt made a light thump against the floor. “Insane for you.”

Steve looked down at you through dark eyelashes, meeting you with a half smirk. “I take it you're excited about this whole thing?”

“Very,” you nodded, your grin outright showy at this point. “You remember earlier how you said I was going down?”

The man could hardly keep his composure as your hands met the button of his shorts. “You are truly insane.”

“Maybe…” You finally made your way off the bed, sinking to your knees in front of him. “Do you wanna find out how insane I truly am?”

“I've died. I'm in Heaven right now. Or Hell, one of the two.”

“Me too, Stevie,” you said, leaving a kiss on his knee. “Me too.”

-> taglist: @dungeons-are-too-cold @ducky-died-inside @awkotaco24 @liberhoe @princesseddie @corrodedseraphine @manuosorioh @esoltis280 @mochminnie

[ladylaviniya]

The Negatives of Shooting People

Chapter 2 || MasterList || Chapter 4

Chapter Summary: A new job creates a new problem for August who decides he needs to remind you of his power. You let Lloyd inside, and he has an offer to make.

Chapter Warnings: 18+ Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Masturbation, Referenced Non-Con Events, Implied Illegal Weapon Arms Trading, Threats, Manipulation, Stalking Journalism.

Pairing: Kingpin!August Walker X F!reader

Word Count: 9.4k

Author Notes: in my mind and casting, Jude Driver is played by Adam Driver. Wesley Gibson is played by James McAvoy. Brandon Sullivan is played by Michael Fassbender. Katarina Vikander is played by Alicia Vikander.

Inspiring Song: "Woman." by Ke$ha.

10:23am Thursday 8th August 2024, Brisbane CBD.

“These photos Miss Y/L/N, they’re magnificent. I haven’t seen quality this good since…well…never really…When can you start?”

You grinned, sitting across from the head editor of one of the smaller local newpapers.

You knew you had to find a job quickly…you were sick of the employment agency and their unhelpful attitude. You knew if you were going to remain safe and take down the billionaire asshole, you needed to be the best version of yourself.

It had been a three days since you first met that monster... August Walker. And he had seemingly invaded your every thought. He was there in the back and front of your mind haunting and taunting you with his smirking lips and roguishly deep voice.

The gentleman who sat in front of you had no idea. That was something you were okay with, how could anyone know? No one knew. You hadn’t called or replied to any text messages Lloyd had sent.

You made a resume portfolio of your best photos you’d taken since your first camera your dad ever bought you. Both Polaroid and electronic. You still hadn’t forgotten that August had stolen one of your father’s cameras from the day he forced you to cum on the recliner chair.

You knew you were inexperienced in journalism…but your photography was a master skill unlike any other.

Your successful interview, you put it up to a great sense of confidence, as well.

“Right now if you’ll have me,” you winked. He was an older man of an older generation. Clearly he knew and was a deep fan of Australian banter that borderlines the aesthetics of flirtation. You were a young woman and he was an older man, the math was simple. Bat your lashes, pretend to be coy and then slide in with a sarcastic remark or sexual innuendo.

He laughed and leant over his desk. You shook your new bosses hand.

He liked that very much. ‘Of course he would, he’s practically old enough to be someone’s perverted uncle.’

“Oh most definitely…” he said biting his bottom lip, he was milking the banter.

He was a handsome even for a classic perverted elder fellow. John Luther was a grey fox so the ladies might say. You were sure that from now on never to truly trust a man…so when he winked back and looked down your shirt- at your chest, you smiled wider, ‘predictable men…he is going to be easy to manipulate…’

You had to thank August one day…if he hadn’t hurt and humiliated you the way he did…you would never have felt the rage of all women and the desire to use your assets to get what you wanted in this Man’s World.

You sat back a lit and lifted your chest as you gave a big happy sigh while watching Mr Luther continuously ogle your chest.

It sent a shiver even down your spine thinking about it…entering a villainess era…a femme fatale story….a tale of revenge and justice.

“I admire a woman with confidence,” he said sucking his teeth, his right hand slide down beneath his desk out of view. You had half a mind to assume he was palming his dick in his trousers.

“So how about I assign you your first assignment? See how you go? I’ll even let you choose…”

“Choose?” you asked with a faux coyness, fluttering your lashes.

“Well, we have a very interesting story idea in regards to the Woolloongabba Doggy Day care that just moved to East Brisbane, rumour has it that the business is understaffed for the amount of dogs they keep in care. And they only use half of the required sanitization required. A spread of kennel cough and many dogs having their ears ripped off by other larger dogs belonging to rich clients the owner of the doggy day care refuses to lose business towards.”

Oh dear, you noted, that sounded tragic….it’s a good thing you never had a pet as a kid. It would hurt too much to be in that position. Hearing a pet dog had its ear ripped off by savage untrained dogs.

“...And the other case?” You sweetly chirped.

His smile fell, “There’s a certain gentleman that’s running around allegedly smuggling drugs and arm deals…” he repeated, “’Allegedly’…”

He rolled back in his chair to reach for a folder on his bookshelf, flicking through it.

Your craning neck had time to catch the outline of his prick beneath his pants. ‘Oh yes...this man is putty in my hands.’ When he swivelled back, you dashed your eyes back to his desk trinkets and smiled at him.

“A bloke named August Walker selling to or buying from an old money American philanthropist Brandon Sullivan…”

‘No fucking way’….just your luck…

You were going to fucking take it no matter what….

Luther grimaced, “It’s a big task so I won’t judge you for not taking it. I’m just hoping to catch the sons of bitches at it. It would be a huge story for media not even those wankers at seven, nine or ten news could think to report.”

You reached over his desk to steal his pen and stick note pad. You took down the name he mentioned on a sticky note- Brandon Sullivan...you made sure to memorise it well.

“How about we even make those conniving morons at sky news jealous, sir?” You smirked and watched as the rockets soared in his eyes with his white tooth grin.

He laughed hard.

He wiped his hand down his chin, “I love a girl with ambition Miss Y/L/N. I’m sure you won’t disappoint me! The dead line for photos is in a week, he’s having some soiree on next Friday or something so it’s got to be before then because you’re never gonna be able to enter those clubs, chicky. Respectfully.”

You smile and shake his hand again, “Mr Luther, I swear…I’ll give you the best goddamn shots you’ve ever seen of that criminal.”

Now your man hunt had truly commenced, you smiled to yourself. Who knew that revenge could come so easily and quickly…

Luther gave you your own cubicle to work in. A place to hang and edit your photos. A place to file your evidence. He may have mentioned that the work they did in his agency was on par with the police but by no means legally police work. So if the cops arrived, you stayed hidden and kept your fucking mouth shut....

You had a job and began researching the bastards name again on your laptop, compiling the sources from Google and the notes from Luther’s folder files.

You discovered the following about August J. Walker.

He was born in New Jersey. He was twice your age and almost as old as your father. He had a plethora of connections in businesses from alcohol distillery to Chinese restaurant vendings. Actually you were confident that a restaurant he help partnership over had a familiar logo. You tapped your lip and wondered briefly if your father ever delivered there as a truck driver.

August was a fan of European and Asian based foods and sold it at his clubs. He owned over fifteen around the world. One of his biggest in Australia was The Lions Lounge, it was on the edge of Fortitude Valley. It was for the richest social elites of the country. The price of food alone was almost your weeks rent.

On the website of his club you could see information regarding the tightship of his security. It seemed supreme so there wasn’t a chance of you going to his club without a fat purse and invitation.

A party was coming up, a celebration for the ten year anniversary of its opening. A soiree with a “The roaring 1920s.” Theme. You scoffed at the cliché.

It was exclusively invite only, it was only on the website so that those who received a invitation could reply a rsvp. And with you fresh out of luck of an invite like Luther even said, there was little to no chance of clawing your way inside.

So...that’s when you had to resort to extra creativity. You held up the sticky note and smiled.

09:07am Wednesday 14th August 2024, Robertson Brisbane.

August Walker was a man with a craving to remain in power. He had fought tooth and nail to get where he was and for now he felt incredibly comfortable…he had enough money to buy the fucking country...he had the power to make politicians kneel and kiss his shoes if he demanded it. To the police, with his legal team, he was currently untouchable.

He could literally have any woman he wanted…but he wanted you. Since that night he first saw your photo, he starved. He had given you time to mourn. Now you were alone and he righteously believed you needed him.

Yet to his surprised pleasure, he liked the fight and push you tried to dish out on him. Your guts to go to the police sent blood to his cock. He hadn’t expected it. He believed you’d roll over and cry only. He never predicted you’d immediately leave the apartment before he could wish you a good morning or afternoon after leaving you drugged up. He snooped for hours in your father’s bedroom and yours. He’d flicked through your old school reports and photos. He tried tidying your mess and clutter, washing your vomit covered duvet and even had cigarette to pass the time.

So when he received that call from the police requesting his presence, instead of anger, he felt surprise. Not many could surprise him. But you did...

He pushed away from his desk and rubbed his eyes chuckling,  you were definitely a tasty little thing.

It made his dick hard when he remembered you crying beneath him. He loved to fantasise your pathetic excuses and spitfire words. He only wished you’d push the boundary more. The more you fought, the sweeter the submission.

He pulled out his ‘other’ phone. His ‘business’ phone. The phone no police would ever know or see. He swiped his thumb across the screen and groaned at the sweet nude thing he took photos of the night you’d both met. Oh how pitifully adorable you were with your desperate pleas and confusion as the pill quickly broke down into your blood stream.

He wished he had a video of it. How he teased your phone away from you. How he mocked you. Half of it he imagined you probably didn’t remember. After all it wasn’t long that you were totally out of it, limp and softly snoring.

He liked how much control he had over you. Laying the strips over your hairy body and tearing it away to be baby smooth as he liked it. How delicate you looked as he rubbed the baby oil into your skin to settle any potential irritation. Perhaps it was sick of him to prefer you like this. He sighed, licking his bottom lip, staring at the photo he took of your freshly waxed pussy.

He had done sicker things to other people. But you were someone who didn’t deserve this. That is where the guilt lied. You didn’t deserve this and August Walker fucking new it deep in his bones.

He wasn’t shy of hurting innocence but your situation was different. This was personal.

So really could he hold it against you for going to the police? No... And besides...his false alibi had been solid... especially after the rape kit evidence had been tampered with, concluding as inconclusive...

Something about the thought of making you submit but never fully breaking, constantly challenging him- turned him on so much, he found it impossible to work. He slapped his phone down and chewed the inside of his cheek while he considered calling up Natalie, one of his go to escorts. His payable whores. She was expensive but she knew how to suck him off to completion quickly and he wanted to focus on work and finalising the details of his party in two days, not on you.

As fate would have it….he wouldn’t have a choice…the phone rang on his desk.

He pressed the reviewer to his ear and turned to look out the window.

“Walker.”

“It’s Gibson.”

He smiled and leaned back in his rolling chair, “Ah Wesley, yes, how are you mate?”

“You’ve got a little problem, sir,” he heard his public relation specialist sigh, “A tail.”

“Oh?”

“I’m sending the email now,” the click clack typing of the keyboard echoed in the headset Wesley wore,” It seems the paper has started to find better journalists…”

The email notification came in quickly. The ping from his monitor forced August to spin around in his chair. He pursed his lips and scrolled to click the link.

He hovered the mouse arrow down and noticed the collection of photos taken of him in the high class restaurants talking with a old underworld buddy of his. Some of the images however were incredibly exposing. His hand was shaking Brandons in one when he made a export deal with him, another photo showed August’s fingers touching a contract, his eyes looking at a phone Brandon was holding with images of guns. This was not good at all…

“What the fuck…” his hand pressed to his lips, he mused, “The photographer was smart, he knows how to pick a decent angle, Jesus what camera took this?” He clicked another photo, “These details…you can practically see every pore on Brandon’s bloody face…”

His mouth felt dry. He knew he needed to hire Natalie’s services now, the stressed building up had him tense. His erection had vanished, now it was a matter of pain in his shoulders and back.

He scrolled further and stared at the headlines jumping out. “Playboy or Pathological Criminal.”, “Party King or King Pin.”, “Australia’s own insider terrorist.”

His eyes widened at seeing the publishing office. John Fucking Luther & Co. News.

His jaw cracked with the tightness he clenched. No. He didn’t have time for this shit.

“She, sir,” The lackey corrected, “Newest of Luther’s flock. His word usually isn’t credible but this? This is going to be hard, expensive press to erase or cover up. Other news outlets are fighting over the rites.”

She...

He picked up a pen and clicked the button. Why was it even that important.

She...

She? His eyes sharpened. He looked closer at the photos on his screen. Something about the photo style reminded him of something earlier he had seen the previous week. So many….on a wall…beside a bed…filled with a captivating woman he defiled…but surely not you? Surely not you...

“What did you say?”

“Sir the cost to-”

He shook his head and sighed into the phone, cutting of the agent, “No, no, I meant the photographer. You said ‘she’? Luther? Are you sure this is real? His lot are the worst, always blurry or grainy if they’re lucky…who the fuck is this new photographer or editor or whoever the fuck is getting these images.”

“We can only assume,” Wesley mumbled, “You’ve had this little thing on your tail for the passed few days, she tries to be sneaky we’ve noted. We didn’t expect her to release decent pictures…we followed her back to the Luther office. The angles fit the locations we have caught her in.”

His thumb pressed hard against the pen.

“Show me this bitch,” he growled under his breath.

Another email ping and a link later, your face filled the computer screen. Your eyes burned him right back…you were in a few photos. Some where you hid among a roof top, another you were hiding in a corner at the restaurant, and finally one where you were just in a park looking down at your camera probably going over the shots you’d taken.

“Want us to deal with her, sir?” he suddenly heard Wesley ask. Deal with her...Destroy her reputation...beat her up…sell her…or kill her....no…no...not his new puppy.

He blinked with bewilderment and hummed, “No...” He cleared his throat, “No, no thankyou, Wesley. I know this kid; don’t worry…” he smirked, “This is just a simple misunderstanding…bit of…play. Trust me.”

Oh how he could’ve whipped the skin from your back raw for this if you were anyone else...

“Sir, if you can’t get her to stop, if she’s going to keep doing this…” Gibson warned, “Anything more in depth- you’ll wind up in court or prison at the worst, the pigs aren’t taking the pay like they used to…”

August shook his head and sighed, “It wouldn’t be the first time Wesley. Ignore her. I’ll deal with it. She’s my responsibility.”

His public relations officer seemed to pause for a moment. As if he had something else to say but he knew better than to total talk back to August Walker.

“Alright sir, have a good evening,” August heard before he slapped the phone, hanging up.

He scooted closer to the screen and scrolled back at the photos you’d taken. He bit his lip and chuckled, shaking his head at your profiling photo, “You little-...you want to play this game? Fine, now it’s my turn.”

He began dialling up a new phone number. He held it back up to his ear and waited for the receiver to pick up.

“Jude mate, I’m gonna need you to develop some photos for me...oh yes,” he replied pinching the pen in his hand, “Red room style.”

06:19pm Wednesday 14th August 2024, Woolloongabba, Brisbane.

“Who needs a man? Huh!” You said to yourself testing out the new bolts and chain locks you installed on the front door. They rattled and locked. They didn’t budge when you jiggled the handle and pulled. You still had three more you planned to drill in.

You wiped the sweat off your forehead and grinned proudly. This is something your dad should have taught you how to do. Thankfully with the help of a YouTube tutorial and a bit of bravery you managed to take full control and ownership of your front door.

If your new landlord wanted to charge you for damages to his door, so be it, as long as this kept you protected from him while you slept at night that was all that mattered. He’d either have to pick every complicated lock, guess or, he’d have to hire the damn firefighting crew to use a battering ram.

When you opened the door again to test it a second time, a squeak of surprised popped from your lips. You clenched your dad’s power tool tightly.

A man in a black suit and black sunglasses stood outside the door with an large yellow envelope in his hand. He held it out to you silently. He looked ominous and familiar, he wore leather gloves…your eye widened, he was August’s driver.

You glanced between him and his hands. Every second was a risk you weren’t sure you could keep taking. You hesitantly pinched the bottom of his flat package and he let go. He pulled the edge of his sunglasses down his face, looking at the plethora of door locks.

‘What was his name again? Judea, Judas?’

He said quietly, “It might be better if you open it inside...” his eyes glanced at the door again before smirking, “Nice locks...pretty crappy if you think it’s going to stop him though.”

‘Him...August Walker...’

You stood still in shock. He gracefully spun on his heel and left. Your tongue caught in your throat…what the fuck was this?

The package was as thick as your hand.

You had to know it was from August…I mean who else could it be from? Especially since you speculated it was his driver that delivered it…especially since there was a massive cursive ‘A.J.W’ on the tab of the envelope.

You held your breath and walked hurriedly backwards inside.

Your teeth caught your upper lip. You slammed the door shut and locked all the locks before going to the couch, disposing the drill on the coffee table, and tearing open the envelope.

You pinched the top wide open and hovered your eyes inside. There was a white papery page ripped out from a note book. You pulled it out and unfolded it to read his handwritten warning.

“Careful Puppy, you’re lucky my men didn’t bite when they sniffed you out, sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. I think you need a break from your little hobby. So I’m going to remind you...I have copies of these. Scratch me again and I’ll bite back. Stay down or I will put you down.”

Your mouth became dry as your eyes raced over that one last line again.

‘Stay down or I will put you down.’

When you ‘put down’ an animal, it usually means death…your insides grew cold. You were confident this was a strict warning, not a threat but a promise, August walker was telling you to stop investigating or he would kill you…

Your hands shook uncontrollably. You wanted them to stop. Your body felt the reeling anxiety. You dumped the rest of the envelope over the counter. All the content spilled across the entire floor. A camera came clattering out. Your father’s camera in fact.

Inside were photos of you. A photo of you working in the editor office. A photo of you walking in the deli section at the underground Woolworths grocery store and photos of you sitting at the Queen street bus station, even the bus numbers showed up. The bus 200 via Carindale. Then at the bottom of the spread out deck of photos were the shots from the night he forced you to cum on the recliner and the night he had drugged you, naked on his bed.

Your teeth clenched hard.

You felt your eyes grow hot quickly with tears. You didn’t like how pathetic and helpless you appeared, covered in tape, and totally lost in the bliss of his sexual torture. You didn’t realise how sweaty it had made you until noticing the intense wet shimmer over your body in the photo, the hot light of the camera shone reflectively from your skin.

You closed your eyes and choked on a sob. He made his point loud and clear but it wasn’t fair. Why could he get away with all of this? You wanted to tear all the photos up one by one until they were tiny papers the size of your pinky nail.

But they sat in a piled collection on your coffee table.

Your hand cupped your mouth as you fought your wails. You clenched your teeth and stomped your foot.

You kept rereading his note. Memorising his handwriting. His Y’s had a straight tail that didn’t curve upward. It made you hate him twice as much as irrational that detail was.

August hadn’t come back since then. He had not made any personal contact since he cornered you in your father’s bedroom. It wasn’t the last time you saw him though…you saw him almost daily, but you confidently were sure he never saw you until now. You were gathering all the evidence possible to put him in the doghouse...

You pressed yourself against the wall and slid down it on your back until your bottom hit the floor.

Now what would you do? Take photos and write about abused animals instead? Always worrying about August coming into your home to take his revenge for the humiliation and defamation you brought to his name?

You settled your hands into your lap. Your heart was pounding. You could hear every awful thud.

Your phone came to life. Lloyds number ran across your screen.

‘Oh god, Lloyd. Sweet, wonderful Lloyd. Maybe he could help me.’

Hitting the green button, you picked up the phone and cleared your throat, “Hey, how are you?”

His voice was a cool balm, “I’m getting on alright. I thought I’d call and check up on you. You haven’t been very chatty over text is all. I still think you should move Y/N.”

Lloyd kept you as updated as he could. He said he interviewed August a few days ago and the excuse was laughable. August had lied about being at his club during the time he had been with you. He had staff members who could vouch for him, Lloyd suggested they’d been paid off and supposedly security footage, all which Lloyd assured must’ve been edited. It was comforting knowing out of everyone, Lloyd stayed true in his belief that you were a victim.

Another tear rolled down your face, your voice became shaky, “Yea...I think you’re right. Lloyd...things have been happening...and...can you- can you just come over please?”

You were breaking down hard and couldn’t stop the wave of anguish coming over you. The detective was compassionate and said softly, “Of course. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

When the phone disconnected you rubbed your face and flared your nostrils. Seeing the photos made you feel dirty, unclean. You decided a quick shower before Lloyd arrived might help you relax and calm down from the absolute panic attack creeping under your skin. You stood under the hot spray and tried to control your breathing.

And under the water your thoughts persisted to race. A particular question shot through you.

‘Why would he even send those to me?’ Your eyes shut. ‘Why’? If you were just some women, he liked to fuck and humiliate... ‘Then why didn’t he just come in and do it in person?’

It was like a pin had dropped. Your eyes flashed wide open, and you turned off the water. You scrubbed your face and got out of the shower, rushing to put your pyjamas on. You almost slipped on the tiles and hard wood.

You crashed to your knees at the coffee table and spread the photos around trying to find that one.

The one where you were sitting inside the editor building at your cubicle. It had been taken from a low angle on the street. A small laugh escaped you. If he sent you an image of you at the office he knew where you worked, and who you worked for…he had read your articles...a light laugh escaped your parting lips. Tears dripped from your eyes, not from grief or fear, oh no, it was relief. Now it made sense.

'Of course!' August had read your articles...and they- you chuckled; they frightened him!!! Yes, maybe not to the extent of full fear, but enough that he felt it fit and necessary to send these too you. He felt threatened. The articles were piling up on speculation against him now in the paper. You were walking a thin line between defamation and creative liberties in alleged speculations, but Mr Luther assured it was legal in the laws of journalism and gossip.

If August had copies of your lewd rape photos, if he published them…you didn’t care...what was the point in caring about that?

You knew humans could be animals. It didn’t matter what was seen. Anyone can masturbate to anything, even just a selfie – so an image of you cumming on the recliner chair was really nothing at the end of the day…sure you might lose your job but the confidence to get you there would be used in the future again. And it would be all worth it just to watch the cuffs slap over August’s wrist. Because even if he’d never go away, locked up for your abuse, you could at least drag him further down with as many criminal activity charges as possible.

You glanced at the note he wrote…maybe he didn’t even write this. If he really wanted you dead, you were sure you would be. This wasn’t a threat, this was a game. He was toying with you, clearly trying to scare you into stopping any investigations of his hidden underground work.

Little did he know, he had no idea that your rage and hunger for revenge was greater than your fear of him.

You pinched a photo to the light and smirked. If only a week ago, this poor defenceless girl knew how her life would change for good...her eyes the mirror of yours. You slapped it flat in the table and pinched your eyes. August was definitely no talent in taking photos.

You smiled recalling how Luther reacted to the first photo you brought him the third day of working...

02:36pm Thursday 8th August 2024, Brisbane CBD.

On the sticky note you’d written down a name Mr Luther had shared. You looked up that name, Brandon Sullivan, with deep dive searches and found very little of him…however he did have a single photo up on his Facebook, he was holding a gorgeous woman.

Once you had reversed search the woman’s face, Katarina Vikander, you could have peed with excitement. She was some Swedish ballet dancer and super model. She was Brandons girlfriend. And she was happy to share a dozen photos over all her social media platforms…and yes, Brandon clearly wasn’t a fan of his personal paparazzi, but there were hiccups in his cover ups.

Katarina had taken a selfie on a balcony; her sunglasses reflected her phone and Brandon coming out of their hotel bathroom.

Behind Katarina was a marina in the background. That area was very rich and popular and easy to find. You recognised the area only by chance. The were staying at the JW Marriot Gold Coast Resort and Spa. You could see the JW Marriot logo on a bath robe in a previous photo while she wore a creamy face mask with cucumber slices over her eyes.

Katarina seemed to have this obsession with a Americana aesthetic, her favourite artist was in her saved Instagram stories, Lana del Rey.

The caption of her post with Brandon hidden in the background under a broad brim hat said, “Sunny and happy with my love, he doesn’t like the seafood here, he wants ‘real truffles.’ **eyeroll emoji**”

You remembered how you sat back after seeing that and searched every restaurant in the area of the Gold Coast region and only one sold authentic truffle dishes…men are fickle and usually won’t try new things…he was clearly a man set in his ways if he wouldn’t let her post photos of him. or at least that was your theory and assumption about the almost non-existent Brandon Sullivan.

You went back and searched August. He had a decent amount of information, he was very private however, no named girlfriends or family. He was very business oriented….and what did you know? Two years ago on his LinkedIn profile you could see August had been at the opening of the same little truffle restaurant nearby where Katrina and Brandon were staying. You scrolled.

‘Looks like he was or still is an investor.’

It wasn’t solid evidence, and you didn’t know if August would be there to meet with them…so all it took, was a simple phone call…and the great skill of confidence with a stride of lying.

As the phone dialed, you selected a fake name. Your co-worker had a F.R.I.E.N.D.S coffee mug, and you stared at the dark drink stain…it’s dark colour making a perfect name.

When a staff member of the restaurant answered you hurriedly got through your plotted lie, “Hello? Yes, my name is…Jennifer Brown, I’m Mr August Walkers new assistant…listen his last employee was quite begrudged and threw out all the known appointments Mr Walker was to attend in the next three months. I’m pretty sure he has a table booked for your restaurant?”

The administrator paused. You hoped he wouldn’t ask you to repeat yourself or question you further, so you sarcastically joked, “He will murder me if I can’t find out, it’s very important.”

You prayed he’d bite the banter.

The administration clerk had a boyish tone, “Of course! Would you like me to look up the time and date of his reservation?”

You smirked and held back a cackle, you feigned a sweet joyful cry, “I would be grateful if you could be a dear, thank you so much!”

And that was how you found out the schedule and exact location of August Walker and his criminal associate.

09:45am Friday 9th August 2024, Coomera, Gold Coast.

Getting inside the restaurant wasn’t too hard. It had an open-door area with French doors. You made sure to wear a large sun hat and a plain dress. Your dad owned a small camera, about the size of an apple. You put it on a timer and leant to the floor, aiming the view finder at their table.

The entire time you swore you were sweating bullets. If August had seen you and confronted you, you probably would be chained to a pipe laying naked on a dirty mattress…maybe with those missing women you heard about on the news, Rachel, Stephanie, and Alison.

‘Why didn’t he keep me then? We did he return me back home? Did he kill those other girls?’ the more you thought too deeply on the topic, it made your skin crawl.

You clenched one of the forks, staring at the kingpin in the reflection. He looked to smug for a man that got off on harming women. You wished you could stab out his eyes with the prongs. And when the waiter came around to ask what you wanted to order, you held up the fork and requested a new one, apologising for “dropping it”.

You determined the camera had taken enough footage. You knew you’d need to make your escape when the waiter left to find you a new fork. Afterall- who can afford to pay for a cut of salmon with rocket leaves and white sauce for a hundred and thirteen fucking dollars?

You went straight home on the train and bus. You developed the photos in the bathroom sink. Hanging it up on the shower rails to set.

Those were the first photos you gave Mr. Luther.

The other times you took photos of Brandon and August were harder, a little more risky.

06:23am Saturday 10th August 2024, Coomera, Gold Coast.

You had staked outside of the hotel where Brandon stayed. Waiting across the street in a side street. It was cold and miserable. But you knew August would be down here. Darling Katarina had posted a photo of her shoes in an elevator, beside her feet were Brandons shoes, but his had a shine. You could see the blur of Augusts moustached face. Maybe it was a reach, except when the caption said, “Lions Lounge anyone? Don’t my heels look incredible! **love heart eyes emoji**”

You were dressed in rags, you clenched a juul stick you bought that morning, gagging on the watermelon flavour while you practiced your “Eshay” accent. You stared up at the windows trying to guess which room the three were in with the help of the ex-ballerinas photos.

A month ago, you would’ve thought doing something like this was insane and frankly unhealthy. But you a month ago had not been humiliated and manipulated, God knows what a woman will do once you’ve pissed her off…was it obsession? Most definitely, for revenge, for justice, for all the girls who fell for August and harmed by his reputation.

You waited…and you were right. Brandon and August walking out together. The sweet young woman was clinging to Brandon’s side with a wide girlish smile and love heart shaped sunglasses. Funnily enough, the car that picked them up just so happened to be driven by the same dark headed driver in the same black car that August took you in. You took a snapshot of the license plate and watched it drive through the somewhat slow traffic down the street. You walked and walked, keeping your eyes set on the license plate. While traffic rolled, you turned and noted there were a few empty taxis.

You took off the jumper that you cut a bunch of holes in and dumped it in a garbage bin before bending down and tapping on one of the taxi windows.

“Hey! Are you available to drive me?” You called to one of the taxi drivers that hadn’t noticed you until that second...his eyes widened with surprise before nodding, “quickly, traffic is slow, hop in!”

You slid directly into the passenger side, which on a normal day you’d never dare.

But today wasn’t a normal day. You sat up in your seat and scrolled the area with your eyes.

“So where are we headed today, ma’am?” The driver asked.

You pointed ahead with a cheeky smile, “See that black car? The fancy one.”

“The tesla?” He asked.

“My friends are in that car, so please follow it. They know the way.”

He peered at you curiously, you knew it was stupid. If you had friends rich enough for a tesla, they’d never leave you to find a taxi. But hey…money is money, the driver wouldn’t argue. He started the timer and to your satisfaction traffic picked up. When they zoomed through the street the taxi tried to keep up. They were driving to a quieter street with Western Europeanised cafe’s.

As they stopped and hoped out you quickly requested to the driver, “Do you mind going around the corner? I’m a little embarrassed.”

God, you hated to say it but you had to play the suddenly snobby cunt.

He didn’t care either way to your relief and parked around the corner, metres away from the two men.

You paid the driver handsomely with cash you managed to find in your old piggy bank back home and slid out of the cab. Your face carefully looked around the corner and you skirted back. August, Brandon and Katarina had decided to sit outside in the warm morning sunlight. It was just your luck! Quickly, you crossed the street away from the cafe. The more distance the better.

To your luck it was a block of units across from the cafe. You walked around the building and kept your head down. You came up behind in an alley and smiled at the long spiral stairs that went up to the roof top. The adrenaline extinguished all fear of heights and pushed you up until you stood out on a flat roof. You crossed the way and looked over the side.

‘Fuck’, you thought to yourself. ‘Would a police officer ever do this? Would Lloyd ever have the guts to do this?’

Probably not, there was lots of red tape involved in police investigations...but you were just a reporter...You were a photographic investigator and you amazed yourself at the lengths you were taking. You were eager to get these shots. This evidence.

You saw the pair of businessmen receiving a cup of tea and breakfast meals from the waitress. Getting down onto your tummy, you grabbed your camera and leant over the ledge to zoom in on the two.

The pumping blood roaring in your vein filled you with a mixture of fear, excitement and surprisingly…arousal.

Those were the photos that made it to the papers first.

06:35pm Wednesday 14th August 2024, Woolloongabba Brisbane.

As you reminisced on the evidential demise of August Walker, a knock at the door designed a bigger grin across your face. Lloyd had arrived. And no longer standing in a fit of sobs you welcome him cheerfully at the door.

He was wearing a black turtleneck and black slacks, totally out of uniform. Below his eye was a reddish spot. It was shining against his pale face. It wouldn’t surprise you if it was a bruise.

‘Many police are brutal and cruel but there’s no way Lloyd is one. He isn’t one of those cops...he must’ve been attacked by some bogan eshay or crackhead.’

His smile turned your knees to warm jelly. You felt shy like some first year highschooler being noticed by the seniors. He just had this glow around him.

“Hi Lloyd.”

“Hello there,” he said softly, his head cocked to the side, “Do you mind letting me in?” He asked.

‘Oh right.’

“Come- come in.”

You felt your face grow warm. You opened the door wider and looked out and down the hall. You held your breath and stood aside. The tall man slid passed you inside to your lounge room.

You took a massive breath in and exhaled. No one was waiting behind a corner or ready to catch you with the officer. You knew there were no security cameras and you doubted August would ever add any with his reputation.

Lloyd removed his leather shoes and placed them beside the door. His black socks glided over the hardwood.

You bit your lip…you looked back at the coffee table and quickly shut the door, bolting the locks after the detective entered your flat.

If August knew you were letting a detective inside, continuing to talk to one he could-…’Well, hold on...how would he know? He wouldn’t.’

“Woah, locked me in, what are you doing?” Lloyd gasped as he glanced over the metal mechanisms of your door. His eyes widened when you twisted the locks and shifted the small chains.

“I just...um. August Walker.... he’s kinda now...my new landlord and he probably will be getting keys soon and I....” your breath wavered. You paused and took a deep breath, “I needed to talk to you privately in person I think....”

His eyes didn’t grow any wider, but his pupils shrank. He pinched his dark pink lips. Sucking his teeth loudly he nodded slowly.

“That’s definitely a pickle you’ve been put into then, huh?”

You nodded back, pressing yourself against the door, sighing softly, “That’s not even the half of it Lloyd...”

His eyes raked up and down your body in surprise. You weren’t wearing your bra and your nipples were rock hard. Your pyjama bottoms were very short and little did you realise how much they were riding up your thighs.

You walked around him timidly to the coffee table.

“I got a new job, as a photographer journalist, no real experience required just my luck honestly,” you awkwardly laughed, “August um, he’s supposedly up to no good and I thought I could have a jab at him from a professional angle…”

You sat yourself in the recliner, while you invited him to sit opposite of you on the couch where he’d be able to properly look at all the photos.

He looked frightfully tired. His hair was dishevelled, and his shirt was stain with sweat. He had a nasty purple bruise on his knuckles that also matched the one under his eye.

You lifted your knees to your chest and worried about how much trouble this man was getting into as well as you. You wondered if it was like television shows where detectives mostly focus on the darkside of the force.

You gestured to the photos. You weren’t sure how he would react. He sat on the couch and peered across the coffee table, glancing over the images. It took him a few seconds before a gasp of shock ripped from his throat.

You tapped on the photos where you’d been stalked and seen taking photos of August, “Well, it shows he’s not one to have his photos taken...”

He was shaking his head. He couldn’t stop staring at the nude photos. And for a few seconds you relived that feeling of embarrassed humiliation.

You could see how his throat bobbed and his eyes flutter.

He leant forward on his knees and licked his lips.

“I...and here I had called you to check up on you and I was going to ask you for help Y/N, but god I don’t know if that’s gonna work now,” he sighed.

The detective ran a finger across your face in the lewd photos.

Your eyes narrowed, “Wh-what do you mean?”

There was a lengthy pause.

He chewed the inside of his cheek before asking, “How much do you hate what August did to you?”

You didn’t hesitate, “I’d kill him for what he’s done if I knew I wouldn’t go to prison…” you briefly looked down, “He…he came back like you said...”

Lloyd eyes glanced down too and he sighed, “Thought as much…let me guess…he threatened you?”

Your eyes fluttered closed, August had done more than just threaten you.

You nodded slowly, “He…he did…but he…is possessive, he kept saying I was his and I belong to him.” You pointed to the photo of you taped up on the recliner.

His brows pressed together, his eyes saddened. He clear his throat, “How long ago was that?”

Your mouth grew dry. You felt embarrassed telling Lloyd.

“The day of the report, after you brought me home.”

His eyes widened, his hand rubbed his parted lips, “So he ugh…he was here already?”

You nodded again, “The call you made… he was standing right here with a knife in his hand.”

“That’s why you have those deadbolts huh?” The officer rubbed his eyes and groaned, “Fuck. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you call me after he left? I could’ve moved you, you could’ve stayed with me at least until I could put you into witness protection. Fuck!”

His swearing sent a shiver down your spine.

Your looked at your feet, you knew he wasn’t victim blaming, he just didn’t understand. You told Lloyd everything…confessed like he was your priest. You told him what August did with the vibrator despite it bringing you to tears again. You told him he was the new landlord and that’s why you installed the extra locks. You told him about your new job and you told him about the photos and how you were going to help however you could to put the bastard away.

You sat off the recliner and slid the photos back into the envelope.

“You’re very brave Y/N,” Lloyd whispered, he reached out and laid his warm hand on top of yours.

Your belly felt warm at the praise. You let him hold your fingers in his and rubbed his thumb over your skin. You stared at his blonde moustache and those bright clue eyes of his. You imagined his mouth scratching your lip if you only leant in closer...he was still as handsome as the day he patiently listened to you in the report.

Lloyd smiled softly.

God if you were a cat you would’ve been feral and in heat with how creative your imagination was getting.

Your eyes fluttered as your entire body warmed up.

“Y-You said you needed help with something?”

He smirked, letting go of your hand.

He claimed, “After what you’ve told me I’m confident you can do it...but you might not like it…”

“Try me,” you huffed, falling victim to his contagious grin.

“I have two tickets to August’s little Soiree at his club The Lions Lounge,” He started off, “My other sources have confirmed there is going to be some form of arms deal with some unsavoury company, illegal, unregistered weapons. August Walker is very good at knowing the law and requesting a warrant… but the sources I have are not substantial to the board to guarantee a warrant by that night and by that time Walker would’ve moved the weapons and sold them in a different location.”

You pieced it bit by bit.

“So you need to get inside the party, find the deal going down and bust them?”

“Exactly, that’s right! However the moment a single man waltzes to the front door it looks suspicious. I need a lady on the arm…and better yet…I need a distraction for Walker, if he sees me head on, I could be as good a shark chow.”

Your eyes lit up, it didn’t take a genius to realise he meant you. You would be the distraction. And you’d be damned before you put yourself in real danger again especially after the threat August had given you...your photos were taken in public, this would be in private. Anything could happen to you.

“No… that is too dangerous, Lloyd,” You stood up and paced the floor in front of Lloyd who was now also rising to follow you in your pacing. You walked around your kitchen and Lloyd put his hands on the bench beside you.

“Y/N…” he bent close in a whisper. You wouldn’t look at the detective. Fear was buzzing inside of you. You felt stupid about saying you’d do anything to take August Walker down now. You really wanted to just humiliate the man and call him up in prison one day and rub it in his face. But this? This was a game of cat and mouse and you didn’t want to be backed up into a corner again.

“I wouldn’t be asking you if this unless I had to...”

You bit back the whimper in your throat as Lloyd touched your shoulder gently.

“He let you live…he has a soft spot for you.”

‘He threatened to put me down.’

He turned you around and squeezed your arms while he pitched the plan, “What’ll happen is we enter the club, I find the dealers and you find Walker because he will be hosting the party, he will want to know why you’re there and you are going to tell him that…you wanted to see him.”

You rubbed your eyes angrily, “Why the fuck would I want to see him?!” your fingers felt moist, you’d been compelled to tears.

The kind eyed detective sucked his teeth, “I don’t know, make it up. Kiss him. Men don’t care about a thing once a pretty thing is kissing them.”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head. No, this wasn’t the Lloyd you had imagined.

“Oh,” you chuckled sourly, “So you’re pimping me out then?”

He gave you a dumbfounded look, “Call it whatever you want…you’ll be paid good money for your service and he’ll be arrested, in prison, unable to touch you. You can run away and move to wherever you want then.”

Your breath was shaky as you dared to ask, “How much?”

His left brow rose.

“How much would I be paid by the Queensland police or Australian defence department or whoever this is through?”

He sighed and gently laid a hand on your shoulder, “Around fifteen grand.”

Your breath escaped you. From near negatives to fifteen grand overnight? That much? For this job?! You were stunned…not sure if it was worth your life…but if it meant he only humiliate you one more time and you walked away with that much money…you’d do it.

You shook your head, “Fine, it’s this Friday night yea? His club is high-class and I don’t have clothes for that type of event.”

The tall man stood back and chuckled as he tug into his back pocket and retrieved his wallet. He pinched a wad of cash and slapped it in the benchtop. Your eyes widened, holy fuck it was a month or two in rent alone…

“Go buy some. But you have got to be ready. At Seven o’clock I’ll pick you up an hour before the event and we can refresh what we know before we line up.”

You glanced between him and the money and nodded….”Alright, let’s…let’s do this.”

He laughed and clapped his hand excitedly, he leant in and gave you a fat kiss on the cheek. Nothing romantic, just pure joy.

“Thankyou so much Y/N you are going to be hailed a hero, a legend in my books!” He marched back to the couch and grabbed his blazer.

“You are a special person and I’m honoured to have met you! Really honoured!” He said as he unlocked all your bolts. He swung the door open and slammed it behind him.

You sighed and fell back against your cold fridge.

You weren’t sure you could pull this off….but as your eyes looked over the cash, the corner of your lips lifted.

You shut your eyes and sighed…all that money, it made your blood pulse. You returned to the lounge room and sat in the recliner. You laid back, staring at the ceiling. Your hands crawled down, passed the waist band of your pyjama shorts and underwear. You touched yourself and sighed.

Your fingers rubbed delicately against your clit while you leant against the kitchen bench.

You tried to imagine someone...Lloyd…the detective. He had a warmth his face. Lloyd would never rape you though, he was good, he was honest…

You moaned softly, imagining his warm hands groping your skin and his lips kissing your skin.

Fingering yourself, in and out, in and out.

You were imagining Lloyd speaking to you. He was currently the most attractive man you’d made contact with in weeks...other than August who essentially raped you.

What kind words would Lloyd say? “I washed our clothes, finished the dishes, now come here and let me fuck you.” ‘Oh yea that’s fucking hot.’

You imagined he would be gentle and soft before using more strength in his hips. His lips would be soft and hot. He would protect you and play sexy policeman. You might not have been a fan of the justice system but you were confident Lloyd would fill in a police uniform very well.

So why did your body start to dry up?

You didn’t know what you were doing wrong. You were riding your fingers and teasing your clit…why couldn’t you cum? You felt weird doing this now. It was strange to think before you met August you could cum very easily, after your dad- well you hadn’t touched yourself because you weren’t thinking about sex for a while until the millionaire stepped into your life.

After the third time of unsuccessful release, you punched the arm of the chair and started searching sex toys on your phone.

You weren’t totally sure if the prices were worth it for a piece of painted pink silicone. And there were strange shapes you were amazed were even designed to fit into a human….‘a whole fist? Surely that’s satire,’ you thought, ‘it shouldn’t be possible. It would be like reverse birth?’

You settled on buying a “rabbit dildo with thrusting pleasure.” You rolled your eyes at the name. You slapped your phone down and sighed, rubbing your eyes.

The hour was late.

Your first paycheck would be coming in soon. It was the smell of a small victory.

10:33am Friday 16th August 2024, Queen Street Westfield Shopping centre, Brisbane.

“What should I wear…” you hummed as you flipped through the dresses. Some of these dresses cost the amount of a new iPhone. You bit your lip. ‘Maybe I can return them tomorrow and give Lloyd his money back?’

A sales clerk came up, “Need some help?” She was blonde, curvy and tall. A supermodel compared to your body. You blushed.

“I’m looking to wear something to one of the high end clubs like The Lion Lounge, he’s having a nineteen twenties theme soiree this evening?”

Her lips widened, “Well, we do have many suitable gowns and even pantsuits for that social class, what designer were you thinking?”

You balked and worried that she would see you sweat, “Oh…I um…I’ll be super frank…I have not a clue what I’m doing…it is my first time to something so spectacular.”

The clerk’s eyes softened, her lips pursed, “Well! Let me help you then! These gowns you’re looking at are definitely not old twenties glam worthy! Right this way!”

Your cheeks buzzed as you were led into a dressing room and made to try on multiple styles, designers and colours of dresses.

She asked if you were getting your nails done and gasped when you said you hadn’t thought about it.

She was like a fairy godmother. She went the extra mile to call up the other stores in the mall to book appointments. You hadn’t felt so pretty ever in your life until then

She appeared stunned by the cash you laid on her counter.

Your nails were french tips with a holographic clear coat. You received a quick arm and leg wax and eyebrow shaping. The makeup matched the entire outfit. Your dress clung to your best assets and shaped your body with a clutch purse and low heels to match. Your hair was gelled and hairsprayed down into finger waves. And a lather of pearls circled around your throat and wrists.

The long finger of your dress tickled your calfs down to your small kitten heels.

You looked incredible, it took your breath away to see the glow up….

Lloyd thought so too.

HELPLINES:

If you are a victim of sexual abuse, assault or domestic violence or know someone who is please reach out to these links that share helpline services, phone numbers or emails. Consent and respect is important in every relationship whether between friends, family or even strangers. .

Australian Helpline Services

UK Helpline Services

American Helpline Services

India Helpline Services.

[zahri-melitor]

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This is not even near my favourite conception of Eddie, though it's also not at the bottom either. Definitely trying to lean into him as a threat. It doesn't, however, show him having fun with his puzzles, and I think at the heart of all the best Riddler depictions he needs to be both cocksure and personally entertained by what he's doing. Even (especially) when it's particularly dark.

(if you want favourite characterisations, Cliff Chiang's Catwoman: The Lonely City and the way Paul Dini writes him, particularly in 'Tec #845 are highlights)

Batman: One Bad Day - Two-Face: Mariko Tamaki did a good job here. I particularly think she has a solid grasp on Steph's character, because she had Steph argue with Bruce over Harvey and whether he's worth redemption and second chances.

"I hate it when villains aren't just villains. Maybe it's not fair to the Dents of the world, but I like to think it protects me from the creeps."

Steph's whole thesis here is that they shouldn't be making an extra effort for Harvey, just because he was Bruce's friend, because villains are villains and they can't and won't change, and even when they do, they'll ultimately backslide. It's a very conservative view of criminalisation, and it's one Steph's had since her creation by Dixon, and which makes a lot of sense given her background and her problems with her father.

Bruce and Steph then have a fight over "Harvey isn't Arthur". What makes the fight particularly interesting to me is that Steph's arguing that if Harvey was committed to changing we would see it, and she hasn't, while Bruce still believes that Harvey can change and is trying to, because he's seen Harvey work on it. While Steph has absolutely no trust or belief in her father. And they're talking past each other here while having a conversation.

It's some great character work. Because Bruce at his core is fundamentally committed to rehabilitation and hoping that everyone can be saved. While Steph, for extremely good canonical reasons, thinks that criminals remain criminals, and that if they want to stop being criminals they have to show the work for people to trust them; because she was betrayed while growing up.

(The actual plot of this story was good too. But people like to say that Steph doesn't have any good characterisation post Flashpoint, and I'm here to point wildly at things like this and Tynion's 'Tec run and ask what their issues are, because this is another extremely solid congruent-with-pre-War Games-Steph story)

Batman: One Bad Day - The Penguin: I could definitely tell this was a John Ridley story. I think part of my discomfort with this was that it wanted to be canonical and non-canonical at the same time. It's very clearly set in approximately the 2022 present for Bat comics (Renee Montoya is Commissioner, Oswald has recently been kicked out of Gotham)...but it's also very much an alternate history, where instead of pretending to be dead, he's been replaced by "The Umbrella Man" who has stolen Ozzie's life. It's rather like a rerun of the Emperor Penguin plot except for the fact that The Umbrella Man is a random black man (yes, thanks Ridley) who points out a bunch of class disparity issues to Penguin.

It's just a very odd plot choice to run for an specific oneshot at this point in the storyline, because completely separately we are in the process of doing "Oswald vs his children who have killed all their siblings to inherit the Iceberg" in main continuity. Get a second Penguin plot please.

Mostly this is a parable about accepting who you are and not being a bully, or the Penguin will rip out your throat. Or something. It worked, it was just...really obvious nobody knows what to do with a Penguin plot. Just do mafia and black market stuff!

Batman: One Bad Day - Mr Freeze: I don't recognise Gerry Duggan? He's apparently done about 2000 Marvel comics and a whole 8 DC ones. Oh! But he wrote Arkham Manor! Oh my gosh so many things suddenly make sense, including the fact that the motif of this comic was Victor making snow angels.

I loved Arkham Manor and particularly the way Victor was characterised in it, even though that characterisation wasn't exactly standard Mr Freeze (it was comedy Mr Freeze). What we got this time was hmmmm a very self-absorbed Victor, where the plot specifically removed some of the pathos of Victor's devotion to Nora by showcasing a number of ways he was overly obsessed to the point of harming Nora before she passed away. It wasn't quite the direction of depth into Freeze we've seen other stories go recently, but it definitely committed to him being potentially quite harmless if you frame things around Nora in the right way to get him to focus how you want him to.

I have to say though, I don't think Duggan has a particularly good grasp on Bruce or even Dick. There were a bunch of moments where Bruce calls a completely random street thug an "irredeemable villain" and that "he belongs in the deepest hole we can throw him in". I'm sorry, did I pick up a Bruce Wayne comic or a Jason Todd one? Because uhhhh that's not standard Bruce personality. Alfred was even snarking at Bruce about how "Forgive me gentlemen, I must be suffering from a senior moment. I thought Master Bruce just said he though a criminal could change."

YES! YES HE DOES THINK THAT! THAT'S BATMAN'S WHOLE THING! HE BELIEVES HE CAN SAVE EVERYONE! HE BELIEVES THAT THEY CAN CHANGE! We literally just had the Two-Face story two titles before this be all about how Bruce is overcommitted to believing that Harvey can recover and trying to help him!

Okay poor Bruce characterisation aside, this was a fairly fun Year 4 setting for the story, and it was the requisite Christmas episode, which I did also appreciate as thematic for release date and chosen villain. Tiny Dick is highly amusing in how he thinks he might be about to get to drive the Batmobile for the first time...and then the autopilot engages. He really wants to drive and comments on how he doesn't have his learners yet (and 7ish years down the track he can end up amused and irritated that TIM got his learners at 14)

I assume Duggan got given a slot on the strength of his Marvel work, and that's fine, except...the off characterisation makes it pretty clear he doesn't have a particularly good or current grasp on at least one of the two main characters of the title. Which is just slightly important for a special high profile series on Batman and His Villains. And I'm saying that as someone who liked Arkham Manor, but enjoyed it for being a quirky offbeat, tonally dissonant story in the middle of the unending angst that was Batman Eternal.

Everyone else in this set has big set piece previous stories involving the characters to point to as why they got picked. Duggan seems to have scraped through on "Big in Marvel, has written one of the few focused on Victor Fries stories in the last decade".

[bloody-bee-tea]

June of (minimal) Doom 2024 Day 9 - I made a mistake

Satoru fucked up, he knows it. He knows it, but there’s no way to take it back, and that might just be the worst part about it.

He’s in dire need of some advice, so he barges into Shoko’s room, absolutely frantic to get some help.

“Shoko, I need your help,” he rushes out and Shoko only throws him a lazy look, clearly not convinced of the urgency of the situation.

“I’m not here to help you manage your social life,” she eventually says and Satoru frowns, momentarily forgetting his own very real, very serious problem.

“How do you know it’s that? I could be actively dying.”

“You have a voice for that.”

“A voice.”

“A very Shoko-I-somehow-got-my-arm-unattached-from-my-body-and-now-I-need-help-voice. This is not that. This is your Shoko-I-socially-fucked-up-voice. And with that I cannot help.”

“That’s—uncalled for, actually,” Satoru mutters before he gravity of the situation slams into him all over again. “But please, Shoko, I really do need your help.”

“You’re not going to leave without at least telling me about whatever you fucked up, are you?” she asks, clearly already somewhat resigned to her fate and she only sighs when Satoru shakes his head.

“Nope,” he still says for good measure, just so she knows just how serious this is and finally Shoko gives him her full attention.

“Okay, hit me with it, then,” she says and Satoru takes a deep breath.

“I may have implied to my family that Suguru is my boyfriend,” Satoru rushes out, in case Shoko changes her mind again and because it’s actually painful to admit that and immediately Shoko’s eyebrows fly up.

“Oh, damn,” she whispers. “You really fucked up.”

“I did,” Satoru cries out and buries his face in his hands. “Fuck, I fucked up so badly. How am I ever going to explain that to him in a way that doesn’t make him lose it?” he desperately asks and he doesn’t even need to look up to know that Shoko is wincing.

“I’m not sure that there’s a way,” she carefully says and Satoru almost sobs at that.

He knows that this is bad, that Suguru is probably going to hate him for it and he has no goddamn clue how he’s every going to fix it.

“What if I just don’t tell him?” he tries and Shoko hits him over the head for it.

“You know that your family is going to approach him if they think you’re together. Things are not quite that easy for you prominent clan members,” she reminds him as if Satoru could really have forgotten that.

“I know,” he whines out because it doesn’t help with his problem at all. “He’s going to cut me out of his life, I just know it. And then I’ll have lost him and I’ll have to tell my family that we broke up and I’m not going to survive it.”

“Oh, Satoru,” Shoko helplessly says, because what else is there to say, really.

Satoru is right after all.

Suguru is going to blow a fuse, he’s going to be incredibly mad at Satoru and then he won’t want anything to do with him anymore and just like that Satoru will have lost his one and only and all because he’s stupid and can’t function properly when he talks to his mother.

Fuck.

“Maybe he won’t take it so badly?” Shoko suggests and now that makes Satoru snort out a desperate laugh.

“Yeah, right. That seems likely with how vehemently he has always protested any kind of notion in that direction,” he gives back because people have mistaken them for a couple several times already and every time it was brought up, Suguru almost exploded with anger and he always rushes to set things straight: we’re not together, how dare you even suggest that, never say something like that again.

Satoru always found his reaction a little bit over the top, especially since he didn’t mind it at all and what does it even matter if some strangers think they are together, but Suguru was always quick to shut such suggestions down.

It made it more than clear that he’d never see Satoru in that light, that he’d never want a relationship, no matter how much Satoru wished for it and to fuck up like this now is probably going to cost him Suguru entirely.

Satoru just wants to hide himself away for the rest of his life, hoping that like this he doesn’t have to see Suguru be furious with him for a change.

“What are you going to do?” Shoko asks and Satoru deflates where he stands.

She’s right when she says that his clan will most likely contact Suguru somehow so there’s not really much he can do.

“I’ll have to tell him,” Satoru whispers and Shoko hums.

“That sucks,” she says and that’s the understatement of the year. “I know it’s not much but you can come here to get smashed afterwards if you want,” she then offers and Satoru knows how jealously she hoards her alcohol so for her to offer this, he must really be in deep shit.

“Thanks, I guess,” he mutters and turns back around to the door. “I’ll go destroy the best thing in my life now, then,” he adds on and while it sounds overdramatic, that is exactly how it feels to him.

But there’s no way around it—he already knew that before he came to Shoko—and he just has to be a big boy and get it over with.

He makes his way over to Suguru’s room, dragging his feet a bit, but he still arrives at his door sooner than he’d like.

Satoru takes one deep breath before he knocks and then he shuffles unsurely around as he waits for Suguru’s call.

Instead of doing that, Suguru comes to the door himself, and Satoru flinches.

“Satoru? What’s wrong?” Suguru asks and of course something must be wrong because Satoru normally never knocks. He never needed to, he was always welcome to barge right in, but he knows that he’s going to lose that privilege as soon as he tells Suguru what’s going on, so he better starts behaving accordingly as soon as he can.

“Can I come in?” Satoru asks and Suguru’s face clouds over with worry.

“What the fuck is going on?” he asks and then reaches out to take Satoru’s temperature. “Are you sick?”

“No. Suguru, can I come in?” he asks again and cherishes the way Suguru’s name feels in his mouth.

He’ll probably have to refer to him as Geto once this is all over and that alone is almost enough to bring tears to his eyes.

“You’re freaking me out,” Suguru says but he does step aside to let Satoru in.

“Sorry, I just—there’s something I have to tell you,” Satoru mutters and he can tell that his words do nothing to alleviate Suguru’s worries.

“Okay, spit it out then,” Suguru says once the door is closed behind Satoru and Satoru wrings his hands in front of his chest.

“I just want to start this off with the fact that I didn’t really mean to and I’m really very sorry. If that helps at all.”

“It would, maybe, if you could tell me just what exactly it is you did,” Suguru gives back and Satoru knows that there’s no way around this, that he has to come clean about this and yet he still stalls for a few more precious seconds.

A few seconds more where Suguru doesn’t hate him yet and Satoru hoards them as greedily as he can.

“I made a mistake,” he finally starts with and Suguru frowns.

“Okay. What kind of mistake?” he asks and Satoru starts to pace in his room.

“My mother called me today, and you know how talking with her always gets me,” he explains and Suguru nods, because it’s not news to him that talking to anyone from his family fucks Satoru a little bit up every time. “And she keeps pestering me about finding someone to settle down with and to preferably start producing heirs as soon as possible.”

“You’re not even eighteen yet,” Suguru interjects and Satoru shrugs, because that really has never mattered to his family.

If it were up to them he would probably already be a father, preferably a few times over, just in case they can have more overpowered Gojo’s.

“Not the point,” Satoru mutters.

“What is the point then?”

“The point is that I may have panicked?” he asks and then falls silent again, unable to find the words.

“And done what? Satoru, seriously, do I have to pull every word out of you?” Suguru wants to know, clearly getting impatient now and Satoru takes a deep breath before he finally spills it all.

“I may have blurted out that I’m already seeing someone, but that I wasn’t ready to tell them yet, just so she would get off my back, but of course she didn’t and instead pestered me to know who it was and her guesses were getting increasingly disturbing so I eventually just blurted out that I’m seeing you.”

He doesn’t dare to look at Suguru, doesn’t want to know what kind of face he’s making at hearing that and he’s sure that the yelling is going to start any moment now.

Instead Suguru stays quiet. Eerily so.

“Suguru?” Satoru finally asks and when he looks at Suguru he’s not prepared for the crestfallen look he sees on his face.

“Why would you do that?” Suguru asks, his voice barely above a whisper and he looks so hurt that Satoru feels like the scum of the earth, knowing he was the one to put that look on his face.

He would have preferred anger, he thinks.

“I just—I panicked. I didn’t think.”

“How is that the first thing you can come up with, though? Shoko is right there. Why did it have to be me?”

“Maybe—” Satoru starts and then decides to fuck it. Suguru is going to hate him one way or another, so it’s probably best to put it all out there. “Maybe because it was the first thing I thought of.”

“But why?” Suguru demands to know again and Satoru locks his eyes with.

“Because it’s something I wish was true, so I couldn’t think of anything—anyone—else,” he admits and then waits for the unavoidable anger that’s sure to follow his words.

“You—want me to be your boyfriend?” Suguru mutters and Satoru shrugs.

“Yeah. I have, for a long time. I know how you feel about that, though, so I get it. I know you must be mad, I know you must be disgusted. And I wish I could change it, I wish I could take it all back, but things with my family are not quite that easy and they are not going to ignore this. I expect them to contact you some time this week, so I thought it’s best to warn you before that.”

“Wait, hold on, stop,” Suguru rushes out and holds up his hands as if that could force Satoru’s words to a stop. “What do you mean, you’ve felt that way for a long time?”

“Just that. I’ve been in love with you for months now, Suguru. What else do you want me to say?”

“But you never said anything!”

“Right,” Satoru lets out a bitter laugh. “You think I am that eager to get rejected? I know how you feel about that, I’ve seen the way you react to people assuming this about us, so I always knew I had no chance at all. But I didn’t think with my mother, and now it’s all fucked up.”

“How I feel about that?”

“Suguru, please, can we just skip ahead to the point where you yell at me and tell me to get out and never come back? I can’t do this,” Satoru begs him, because he’s not a fan of dragging the inevitable out like this but he was not prepared for the way Suguru steps forward and takes his hands in his.

“Satoru, I love you,” Suguru says and it’s so out of left field that Satoru doesn’t even understand what’s happening.

“You’re mad at me,” he gives back and watches how Suguru shakes his head, his hair flying.

“I’m not, gods, I’m not! Satoru, I love you. I’m in love with you.”

“But you—that can’t be, you always yelled at people who assumed things about us,” Satoru mutters out, because he wasn’t imagining that. “Even Shoko knows that you’re going to kick me out of your life for this, that’s how much you hate the notion of a romantic relationship with me.”

“Fuck, that’s so not true,” Suguru rushes out. “I’m sorry it came across like that! It’s just—whenever people assumed that I was so hurt because it wasn’t true and there was no way in hell that you’d ever feel that way about me, so I got defensive.”

“What do you mean, I’d never feel that way?”

“I just mean—what would you ever see in me?” Suguru asks and squeezes Satoru’s hands. “I thought I had no chance. I’m not from a big clan, I am nothing special, so why would you ever feel that way about me?”

“Because you’re Suguru,” Satoru gives back as if that explains everything and to him it does.

Suguru is Suguru and that’s why Satoru loves him.

“I didn’t know,” Suguru mutters and rests their foreheads together. “Satoru, I didn’t know. I never would have expected this.”

“So—you’re not mad,” Satoru has to say, because it still makes little sense to him what is happening.

“I’m not mad. I’m overjoyed. I want to be your boyfriend.”

“Really?” Satoru has to ask to make sure.

“Really,” Suguru immediately gives back. “I’m sorry I ever made you think otherwise.”

“It’s not as if I ever said anything to make you think you have a chance, apparently,” Satoru replies even though he wonders how that can be, but maybe that’s a conversation for a later point.

“But I know better now,” Suguru says and tilts his head to brush a kiss over Satoru’s lips. “Boyfriend.”

The word makes Satoru all tingly and he can’t help the big smile that breaks out on his face.

“Boyfriend,” he agrees and dives right in for a real kiss. “I like how that sounds.”

“Me, too,” Suguru admits and when he pulls Satoru in for a bone-crushing hug, he goes easily.

They stay like that for a long time and even though Satoru knows that there will have to be at least one more conversation to be held about this—at least about the expectations his clan will have for Suguru—he thinks that all of that can wait because there’s no power out there that could make him pull away from Suguru at that moment.

Or ever again, but he thinks it might be a little bit too soon to admit that as well. Small steps, he thinks, and buries his face in the crook of Suguru’s neck. He already has what he wants in his arms after all. Everything else can come later.

[alpaca-clouds]

The Question For Queer Representation

2024 surprises me in so far, that we finally seem to have reached the point where we can talk a bit more clearly about the question of queer representation.

Now, this seems to be a topic where we still very much see the difference between younger people within the community and older ones. Because the conversation is mostly driven by millenial and Gen X queers - while some of Gen Z and younger will still often insist on needing "Good Representation".

But I thought towards the end of this year's strange Pride Month, in which there was so little pinkwashing, I want to talk about this a bit. Even though I have spoken about this before.

Finally Some Toxic Gays

During those laIst two years something has happened. Not only did we see a sharp increase of queer representation in media, but we also got a lot more diverse queer representation. There is still a lot of cute and fluffy stuff, but also a lot of shitty and toxic gays with tons of bad habbits, that never the less are allowed to be the protagonists or otherwise important characters in their stories.

I took some characters I could think off in the picture above. And yes, I will admit, that I am mostly watching animated stuff, which shows above. Mostly because the more fantasy-oriented stuff tends to be animated. And yes, also because animated stuff is somehow a lot more openly queer.

But we got quite a lot either toxic, unhealthy or otherwise "problematic" gay characters. Be it those who betray their partners, or those who are abusive (Lestat in IWTV, Malcolm in Captain Laserhawk). Be it people who gaslight and manipulate (like both Carmilla and Olrox from Castlevania). Or be it those survivors of abuse, who have developed a lot of toxic coping mechanism (like Angel Dust or Astarion).

And I really got to say: This is good. It is actually good. At least in the context that it appears in now.

Gays Don't Need To Be Perfect

Now, it should be noted that of course - especially here on tumblr - quite a lot of people have complained about this. Like there are several blogs about each of the characters above and how they are horrible and the worst thing to happen to queer representation ever and such. As well as people who ignored several trigger warnings at the beginnings of episodes, only to then complain about being triggered. (This showed so very much with Hazbin Hotel Episode 4. Because that episode had a Trigger Warning.)

The one I found most interesting in terms of the anti-discourse was Astarion, though, probably. Because a lot of the discourse about him - outside being a toxic queer man - was also very much about how he was not a perfect victim. Sure, they did also complain about the other stuff and did not use the words "perfect victim", but it was surely implied in some blogs I saw. Basically using both the entire story with the Gur and his learned toxic behaviors to say: "He is not only bad queer representation, but also bad for sexual abuse/sex trafficking survivors." Which... is of course ironic, given that especially in terms of the latter he is a lot closer to reality than any innocent honey-bu would be.

And this is a big thing. See, here is the thing: In the real world, a lot of queer folks are messy. Because a lot of us are traumatized from the queerphobia that is so very present in society. So many of us have been abused for our queerness by parents, classmates and teachers. A lot of us do have mental health issues - and statistically we are also more likely to be neurodivergent to begin with. So many of us have learned quite a few bad coping mechanisms.

So, yes... This is just something that is fair to depict as well. Because the world is not that easy, if we are honest.

The Numbers Game

Now, if those shows and games had come out 10 years ago, I might have well deriled them as well. Not just because I was a lot younger then and had a very different idea of what made for good representation, but also because the numbers out there were different.

10 years ago, we barely had any queer representation. And back then, yes, it was very, very noticable to a lot of folks that most queer characters we got to say, were either shown to be shitty people, or would simply die or have a very miserable storyline with a lot of death and such things.

I will remind you: The Korrasami reveal, that was so important for studios/channels/services realizing that actually they could get away with a lot more than they had previously thought, happened in December 2014. The finale of the first season Steven Universe, where we got the Ruby/Sapphire reveal, happened a bit later in 2015.

Again, yes, those are animated examples, but... Well, it did not look better in terms of live action shows. While those (due to having older audiences) might have had their token queer character, this character often was either a stereotype, died, or was living a miserable life with no resolution.

And now? Well, now we can have the toxic gay vampires - be they named Lestat, Olrox, or Astarion - and we also can have sweet, fluffy queer representation in other shows, like Heartstopper. And it is good to have both of them. We deserve both.

The Missing Rep

I wrote an essay last year about this, but because tumblr's search is shit, I cannot find it again. So I will just put this out here again. Because I noticed an issue here - and you should notice the same issue if you look at the picture above.

The toxic queer characters right now are very much mostly men. Partly, because gay and bi/pan men make up a very large part of queer representation, especially in adult media. While I can name you quite a few fluffy, kidfriendly shows with lesbian or bi/pan female characters, the adult media often focuses more on queer men. And even if there are queer women, those are often a lot more wholesome, compared the men.

I mean, I think that Euphoria (which I don't watch) focuses more on queer young women, who are kinda shitty, but... Yeah, exceptions to the rule.

Now, we can speculate why this is. I personally still think that part of it has to do that sapphic women are seen as more innocent for several reasons. For one, we tend to portray women as more passive and innocent either way than men. But also, there is the fact that especially sapphic women are seen as a lot more innocent in total, because "they don't have real sex" (according to some people). As there is still the stigma that sex needs to involve at least one cock to be real sex.

And yeah, it should be noted that of course all the other types of queer representation are still lacking especially in Western media. We have little in terms of trans representation (especially trans men are super underrepresented), basically no intersex representation, and aroace representation is also quite lacking.

Conclusion

I think right now, we are making really good strides when it comes to at least certain types of representation. We get to see queer charactres in so many shows, movies, and games right now. Not to speak of books and comics. And this is good. No, not all the representation is perfect, but given that we get quite a lot it does not need to be.

No, having characters be toxic, depressed or otherwise not perfect does not make them bad representation. Because there are a lot of toxic, depressed and otherwise not perfect queer people in reality. And that deserves to be represented as well.

Yes, we need more representation of certain groups of queer people. Again: Trans folks, especially trans men, intersex people and aroaces do deserve more representation. Both the fluffy kind and the dramatic bitch type.

But... I really think folks need to stop complaining when queer characters in media are not perfect. It is okay for them to not be perfect. Real queer people are not either.

[pro-depresanti]

~Valastor Week 2024~

prompt list by @valastorweekofficial

Day One: Fake Dating

Summary: Valentino needs to crash a wedding. Alastor has an idea. Sprinkled in background Tattoo Artist/Flower Shop Owner

Setting: Modern times, Living world

Word count: 976

Warnings: implied murder

──────

"Excuse me, I don't think I heard you correctly. What did you just say?!"

Working in a flower shop had caused Alastor to hear many, many, many strange requests – how to say 'suck my dick, you fucking asshole' in flower language, what to grind up to make poison, why did a plant die when it had been kept in a dark basement, and such. But 'Can you come to a wedding with me', had to be the weirdest one.

Well, Valentino was a strange man in his own right. Owner of the tattoo studio opposite the flower shop, coming in occasionally to browse around or ask about flowers with certain meaning for a tattoo he was designing. Alastor had had quite a few conversations with the man, but he wouldn't call him anything beyond an acquaintance, a work neighbor if you will.

Valentino palmed his forehead and groaned. "My ex is getting married, but we decided to remain friends, so he invited me to the wedding and I can't go alone, so could you pretend to be my date for a few hours?"

Alastor blinked quickly, trying to catch the metaphorical thread of the story and how all of it had anything to do with him. "Care to elaborate a bit more on that? Or why you're asking me?"

"Well, " he gestured vaguely around himself, ever the animated character, and Alastor could clearly see the frustration growing, "all my other options are either already going to said wedding, or declined, and you're the last person left, and if you refuse too, I'll look like a lonely loser and–"

"And that ex of yours, that's supposedly a friend, wouldn't find it suspicious that you randomly got a partner?"

Valentino shook his head confidently. "We have barely talked in the last five years, it will be fine. So, what do you say? Free food, free drinks, some change of scenery."

Alastor wasn't the type to get hyped over such gatherings. Plus, knowing Valentino, the kind of people he'd be friends with weren't his type of company. "I'll consider it."

──

"– and she's, what, half his age? That stuck up prick doesn't deserve to marry such a woman, I'm telling you! She's just doing it for the money, which is fine and all, but Vox doesn't deserve her!"

Somewhere along the way, Valentino had started hanging out in Alastor's shop on a regular basis. At first with the pretext of needing some peace and quiet to draw, then to ask for featback on his designs, then to bring Alastor coffee as thanks and have a small talk.

In reality, Alastor thought the reason was so someone can listen to Valentino's temper tantrums. Which is exactly what he was doing now. Not like Alastor minded that much, per say, but the conversation was more often than not one sides.

"– so I was thinking, 'Hey, why don't I just crash the wedding?'. Ruin the cake, or something."

If Alastor had motor control of his ears, they would have perked up. He put down the bouquet and turned around to face Valentino, who was currently in his usual spot on the wooden bench by the shop window, sketchbook in hand. The artist wasn't even looking at him, instead scribbling down something with enough force to tear holes though the page.

"You really want to ruin the wedding?"

"Well, yes. Obviously," Valentino replied mindlessly. "No, the cake won't be sufficient enough. And it would be too obvious."

"I think I have an idea."

At that, Valentino finally looked up. "I'm all ears."

Alastor grinned. "When and where's the wedding taking place?"

"Why?" Good question.

"You still need a plus one?"

──

Alastor wasn't that big on physical contact. It wasn't exactly aversion, but he would never initiate it first. So walking around exchanging pleasantries with strangers, while having elbows locked with someone a bit more than a stranger, wasn't his cup of tea.

Still, he was a good performer, so was Valentino. They had run through Alastor's yes's and no's beforehand, and thank God they had, because Valentino would have had them exchanging tongues to make it more convincing. Compromises were made, a lot on Valentino's side, considering it was no secret the man had lost his shame years ago.

But, overall, Alastor wasn't hating this. The open bar certainly helped. Plus, the nasty looks they were getting were to die for – Alastor with his cream (but not white enough to be considered outright disrespectful) dress shirt, and Valentino's matching pants. Plus, the obnoxious amount of gold jewelry and the fluffy collared coat, easily drew too much attention to the tattoo artist.

Delightful. Absolutely delightful. Alastor should have gone to more doomed weddings. And they hadn't even gotten to the best part yet!

Alastor could see Velvette, the bride, running around frantically, at first nervously whispering, but now full on shouting as to the whereabouts of the priest. Vox was torn between trying to calm her down and screaming into his phone, trying to call anyone and everyone to hopefully figure out what the issue was.

Alastor could tell them right now. Not his exact whereabouts though, the river was quite unpredictable this time of year, the mangled body could have been floating anywhere. The other parts of him, meat and teeth, were in Alastor's freezer and basement respectively.

In the chaos, Valentino pulled Alastor to the side. "So, are you finally going to tell me your plan?"

Alastor shrugged. "As you can see, the wedding won't take place. Not today, at least."

Valentino sighed. "Until they find the guy. Then what?"

"The priest isn't coming," Alastor replied with a shrug. "Now, can we go get another round of drinks, I'm getting thirsty."

"You–" Valentino stammered, "you–" he took in a deep breath. "Alastor, what did you do to the priest?"

No answer. The flower shop owner was already heading to the bar.

──────

Author note: I'm not proud of this one lol. I could do better but I'm a bit busy with exams and procrastinated hard. Also, this is my first ever daily challenge and first time writing for those two so I'm still figuring out their voices, I'm trying my best😭😭😭

[beardedmrbean]

After a report implied many voters of color in swing states are souring on President Biden, Rep. Jasmine Crockett, D-Texas, sparked outrage for implying they are only doing so because they are uninformed and blinded by their feelings.

CNN's "State of the Union" host Dana Bash spoke to a panel on her show about a recent report from The New York Times, "Trump Leads in 5 Critical States as Voters Blast Biden, Times/Siena Poll Finds." The report included polling that claimed, "Black voters — long a bulwark for Democrats and for Mr. Biden — are now registering 22 percent support in these states for Mr. Trump, a level unseen in presidential politics for a Republican in modern times."

Bash addressed Crockett and read an excerpt from the report, "In a remarkable sign of a gradual racial realignment between the two parties, the more diverse the swing state, the farther Mr. Biden was behind, and he led only in the Whitest of the six."

"It’s really scary for me," Crockett replied, before going on to explain why she thinks this shift appears to be happening.

"Here’s the deal, perception is reality, and so when you look at the data that was provided in this poll, it talks about how people feel… it is all about how you feel in that moment," she said. "While the facts may not align with their feelings, their feelings are dictating their reality and their reality is that they feel better or they felt better when Trump was in office."

Crockett added that Democrats have been "trying to push back" against this, even as "some very popular African American artists out here saying things like ‘Oh I got checks when Trump was in office. I want those checks again,’ not understanding that really came from Congress."

"So we have got a couple of things, the perception issue and then we also have an issue as it relates to civics in this country and people not understanding exactly how any of this works," she concluded.

As footage of Crockett’s statement shot across the internet, commentators condemned her rhetoric on social media.

"’Voters are too stupid and they don't understand their betters’ is probably not a great campaign message for Democrats," The Federalist editor-in-chief Mollie Hemingway wrote.

"The utter disdain these elitist lawmakers have for their own constituents is really mind-blowing," commentator Joe Concha wrote.

"Where did she get such a sense of superiority?" journalist Miranda Devine wrote.

"Pre Obama the Democrat’s stock response to dropping numbers in a demographic was, ‘we’ll go and listen, and try hard to earn that support,’" columnist David Marcus wrote. "Today it is, ‘they are wrong, and somewhat ignorant, we’ll show them why we are smart and right.’"

"Imagine being this dismissive of your voters? Democrats seem to think the people who they need to elect them are all stupid and incapable of understanding what’s actually happening," radio personality Mike Opelka wrote.

"Oh really," Fox News host Lawrence Jones III wrote.

Many commentators, especially Black conservatives, scorched Crockett for appearing to underestimate Black voters' ability to grasp politics.

"In other words, according to Democrat @RepJasmine Crockett, Blacks are too stupid to understand how much better they are under Biden," conservative commentator and former 2024 presidential hopeful Larry Elder wrote. "Not too bigoted! If Trump said this, Democrats would be drawing up another article of impeachment."

"Once again telling the Black community that we are not intelligent enough to see what’s going on and understand it," former Republican congressional nominee Jeffrey A. Dove wrote. 

"Democrats: Blacks are too emotional to think clearly. Smart pitch," HotAir associate editor David Strom wrote sarcastically.

[ruelpsen]

Feedist Kinktober 2024: Part I (October 1-7)

First time taking part in this challenge, so here we go! I decided to try writing 100-200 word drabbles based on at least one prompt for each day and uploading them on a weekly basis. In other words, here's the first batch! I've been feeling somewhat uninspired with kinky writing lately, so I thought it might be fun to use this challenge essentially to do some writing exercises. I've been liking what these prompts have inspired so far, so we'll see what might become of some of these ideas in the future...

So far these drabbles have all been inspired by/involve my favorite fictional alien, the six-tentacocked L/ondo M/ollari from B/abylon 5. On top of the prompts used themselves, below you'll find stuffing, weight gain, burping, dom/sub dynamics, master/pet dynamics, public play, (implied) alienfucking, tentacles, weight-related teasing, and even the B/5 canon holobrothel...

If you enjoy these, stay tuned for future batches, to be released on or shortly after October 14th, 21st, 28th, and 31st!

(1) Transformation 🔀 / Farmer's Market 🌽 “On your knees. Now.” He’s not even in the room yet, but already I feel myself stiffen at his order. It takes me a moment to change positions from where I rested in his bed to kneeling at the center, mouth open and waiting. He doesn’t need to say that part for me to know what he wants. He slides open the door and flashes his fangs at me in a toothy grin, holding up a tray of small cakes of various kinds from his homeworld. I look up at him, excited in every sense as he approaches and pushes the first into my mouth. “My, my, so eager, my love,” he coos. “That’s a good boy. Eat for me.” He smiles again, wistful. “If the you of a year ago could see the loving pet before me now…” And for a moment, I catch a glimpse of that pet in the mirror beside his bed. That pet is happier, hornier, and a hundred plus pounds heavier than the man I was. I may never have expected to end up this way, but I thank the gods- and my L/ondo- for transforming me into the slut I am now.

(2) Latex Love 🖤 / Masquerade Ball 💃 “Ready, my dear? You know how to find me if you need me. If anyone gives you serious trouble, my fist will meet their jaw in an instant, I promise.” He squeezes my ass and gives it a quick slap before we enter. He leads and disappears into the crowd, leaving me at the door as we’d discussed. I feel countless pairs of eyes fall on me as the jingling of the bell on my collar calls attention to me. Faces blush behind masks, words are whispered behind gloved hands, little giggles arise from the crowd- and the next thing I know, a dozen hands are pushing tastes of rich, filling foods towards my mouth. I might not know these people, but they know a plaything when they see one. My tight latex jumpsuit, as long as it’s on me, leaves little to the imagination and stands out among the finer outfits of those around me, and as long as the bell keeps jingling, I’m not yet filled to the point of temporary immobility. Tonight I get to be a plaything for the masses… and to become more massive at the same time.

(3) Date Night 🍾 / Creepy Cookies 🍪 Before I could protest, the waiter set the pasta dishes before us and left. I looked up at L/ondo, more puzzled than turned on. “We didn’t order these,” I said. “You may not have, but I did,” he replied. “I called ahead last week about this dish. It uses a special ingredient, what’s it called… fah, no matter- so I made sure in advance that they would be able to make it for us tonight. And clearly they had what they needed!” God, he’s so sweet. I looked down at my pasta with some doubt though, unsure how I could finish it after all I’d already eaten. “Eat up, darling,” he whispered, pausing to belch deeply and unabashedly (to the chagrin of those around us). “If you finish it all, I’ll have something else special waiting for you…” With that, I felt the familiar sensation of one of his tentacles brushing against the growing bulge in my pants. From his expression, you’d never know what he was doing to me under the table. That just made me want him more- and gave me the strength I needed to dig in like my life depended on it.

(4) Leashed 🔗 / Hologram ✨ I looked over my shoulder one more time to confirm I was alone. I shouldn’t have been there, I knew it was wrong, but some desperate part of me wanted it. I slipped in through a nondescript door, pulled the annotated photo out of my pocket, and handed it to the man behind the counter of the holobrothel. “I want… I want an hour, please,” I said. “I’m normally not one to comment, but… you can’t be serious, right?” the man asked. “I am,” I asserted, handing him my credit chit as proof. He shrugged, returned the photo and chit after scanning both, hit some buttons on a panel behind the counter, and handed over the telemetry bodysuit. “First door on your left,” the man said. I went into the suite, quickly stripped down, and pulled on and activated the suit. The projections and sensations started the moment I closed up the last zipper. “Hello, darling,” a familiar voice crooned. There he stood before me, as if in the flesh, holding the other end of a leash that tugged at my throat. “You look hungry, my pet. Correct?” I fell to my knees and begged. For the next hour, yes.

(5) Cannibal Campers 🥩 / Tea Party 🫖 “More tea, dear?” he asked. “Of course!” I replied, handing him my mug. He filled it up again, leaving a little room so he could add a bit of milk and honey. He’d never had them in tea before today. I’d never even heard of this type of tea before, made using some obscure flower from his homeworld. Whatever it was, though, it was delicious, so much so that I’d lost track of how much tea I’d had to drink by that point. “You’re certainly enjoying this, yes?” he smiled as he pushed the mug back into my hands. I gulped down most of it in a few seconds, setting the mug down only so I could thump my chest and belch in response. He laughed before taking a sip from his own cup. “I feel so full, but it tastes so good,” I sighed. “That will happen with this tea,” he said, throwing his head back to finish his cup before pouring himself some more. “Makes you feel- urrrrp- sloshy, for lack of a better word.” “Sure does,” I groaned. “But as long as you keep it coming, I’ll keep going!” With that, he poured me another mug…

(6) Ocean's Delight 🌊 / Possession 👻 The man this body belongs to should not have fucked around. He should’ve known better than to carelessly mess around with an ancient alien artifact whose purpose he didn’t understand. But he did, and now he will pay the price for awakening me. Walk to the kitchen for me, dumbass. I’ll turn this gorgeous body of yours into one you won’t recognize whenever I decide to leave it. Now eat. Eat until you can’t and then some. Yes, like that. And don’t be afraid to make a mess. I want to embarrass you, and what better way to do so than by turning you into a slob? That’s right, you cram that cake into your stupid fucking face. Belch like the gluttonous animal you’ll soon be. Eat more. More. Oh look, there’s someone at the door. Who will be the first to witness the beginning of your transformation? …Wait, why is he complimenting you? Why are you getting… aroused? Stupid fatass. Looks like truly punishing you will be harder than I thought… but part of me wants to see this through. How far will you push yourself with your fatass lover and a vengeful spirit enabling you?

(7) Magic Mirror 🪞 / Donut Devotee 🍩 I placed the box on the table before him and opened it. He looked at the contents quizzically, picking one of the pastries up to inspect it. “I thought you might want to try these. They’re called donuts, and I’ve got a whole bunch of different varieties for you to try. They’re popular back home and often sold by the dozen, just as I’ve brought for you today,” I explained. “I don’t see any nuts, though,” he puzzled. “Why are they called that if they have no nuts?” “I’m sure there was once a sensible reason for it, but shut up and eat,” I teased. “They’re not going to eat themselves.” He took a bite from the one already in his hand, a glazed chocolate donut. The happy sounds he made as he chewed it were certainly a good sign… Thirty minutes later, I helped push the final bite into his mouth. He chewed, groaned, coaxed up a burp, and moaned with pleasure, quite stuffed. “You’re right, they were all wonderful,” he sighed. “But next time you get some, you’ll be the one eating.” He paused, burping again. “And perhaps, given their holes, you can eat them off my cocks…”

[idolbound]

Anders kinnies on twitter in the year 2024 not understanding that while yes, Meredith had previously written to Val Royeaux to ask about invoking the Right of Annulment, the request was rejected.

In the throes of her paranoia being made worse with the addition of the red lyrium idol fashioned into a sword, she was getting desperate and looking to search the Gallows for blood mages as a reason to invoke the Right.

However, Meredith did not invoke the Right until after Anders blew up the Chantry.

During the argument with Orsino, it was clear that he was not going to allow Meredith to search the tower. And, much like the start of Act 3 in Hightown, he wanted to call upon Grand Cleric Elthina to settle their disagreement because he KNEW that Elthina was the only person who could control Meredith (and kept her on a proverbially short leash). To this, Meredith immediately raises her voice and says "You will NOT bring her Grace into this!" which CLEARLY implies she knows Elthina would put a stop to her actions then and there, which is the opposite of what Meredith wants to do.

So, with Anders' interjection in this scene and blowing the Chantry up:

Meredith (who was running Kirkwall as a Templar police state under martial law) had to respond to the crime in and of itself;

Elthina was dead, and therefore, the person who could have stopped her from invoking the Right of Annulment was no longer able to do so; and,

She was already at the peak of her paranoia, and this made her not seek justice on Anders himself (who had immunity from templar prosecution as a Grey Warden), but upon the innocent mages of the Circle.

So, she initiated the Right of Annulment as a response to the destruction and lives lost, and the Circle mages paid for Anders' actions (and depending on Hawke's choice, his own life could pay for it too).

It is not difficult to understand that Anders' actions - however morally justified he may have been - acted as the catalyst to the genocide of the Kirkwall Circle.

People will say "it would've happened anyway" but to be frank, if Anders did not blow up the Chantry and had Elthina been involved, she would've shut Meredith down again as someone who didn't want to get involved in taking sides but wanted to maintain the peace AND the desires of the Grand Cathedral in Val Royeaux. Alternatively, Hawke - Champion of Kirkwall - has enough influence at this point to influence Meredith and Orsino both as a popular (political) figure among Kirkwall's citizens and nobility. (it's why Meredith was reluctant to crown them Champion to begin with - it gave them power that she wanted for herself!).

I realize a lot of DA fans are not looking at these moments in-depth, but acting as if Anders is entirely justified in giving Meredith the fuel she needed to kill all the innocent mages is a bit ignorant and tbqh, misunderstanding this situation for what it is.

[angstyandromanticwriting]

Regina George X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute, and Fluffy Prompt [Full Version + Part 1 due to Tumblr text block limit]

• Takes place after the occurrence of the film [2024 ver. with Reneé Rapp]

• Some mild changes made to some elements of the story

• This is the entirety of the prompt/instalment, as promised!

• There will be more!

!TW: Being stuck in a toxic relationship, insult(s), mention of previously being kidnapped, implied suffering from PTSD + Depression + Separation Anxiety + Anxiety in general, mention of previously being abused (physically and verbally) + injury detail, jealousy, mention of divorce + poor relationship with family/family members, elements of self-doubt + presence of self put-downs, panic-attacks/mention of them, swearing, presence of weaponry, threat(s), suicide attempt(s) + suicidal intentions + consideration, implied/mention of previous elements of homophobia, mention of having nightmares linked to trauma, drug-taking (medication), mention of substance abuse (alcohol addiction), mention of miscarrying, breaking up, sense of drowning - if I’ve missed any, let me know!

Birds’ Eye View/Heart’s Desire

“Are you done, or-?” You inquired, raising your eyebrows, after Regina threw another line of insults at you; you’d told her to rant, seeing she needed it, but…

“No,” she answered, without hesitation, even though she appeared a little exasperated, wincing, before she looked away from you, and sighed heavily, knowing she shouldn’t get you involved with all that was currently frustrating her following her recent arguments with her boyfriend, Shane Olman, especially when you didn’t even know him, and hadn’t ever talked to him, only a recent student at Northshore High School, managing to take on Senior Year after you’d been expelled from your last school. “Yes,” she added, barely audibly, and you would appear surprised, not expecting such an answer from her as you tilted your head partially, a pained as well as skeptical expression on your face; you didn’t want her to feel as if she couldn’t talk to you about all that was burdening her the way you feared she did, hoping against hope - however - at the same time, that she had instead managed to clear her mind a little, until she crumpled, and looked up at you again with a hurt look on her face before she said ‘no’, her voice softer than you’d ever heard it before. “N-No, I’m not, I-.. I’m-..” She shrugged, before awkwardly bowing her head, and you would nod gravely, smiling sadly over at her, before you timidly inched closer to her to gently squeeze her shoulder, prompting her to express relief, her heart skipping a beat, before she glanced up at you again, and felt strong enough to continue just by having her gaze lock with your own in the best way possible. “I hate you,” she spat, her gaze never leaving your’s, whilst you couldn’t help, but smirk in her direction, amused though you knew you shouldn’t be, but it didn’t stop your heart from aching as you wondered who had hurt her the way you could tell that they had, before she’d come back to your Uncle’s ranch with you. “Y-You stink, and I hope an air conditioner falls on you,” she added sharply, clearly through gritted teeth, whilst you appeared taken aback - of all things you thought she might say, that was one of the least you’d been expecting to hear, but it still made you have to fight back a giggle regardless of how it had shocked you, at first, “okay.” She drew in another shallow breath, before releasing it through her nose like you’d told her to, just to try and calm her down when she’d almost broken one of the mucking up shovels you and her had been using to tidy up the horses’ stalls here. “Okay, I - I think I’m-.. I think I’m done, now,” she stated, and you would almost feel disappointed, though at the same time of course you were relieved to know that she seemed at least somewhat relieved, now that she’d slung out yet another insult in your direction, though she wasn’t directing anything of what she meant toward you; she couldn’t.

The thought startled her, just for a moment, as she winced again, and forced a smile in your direction, trying to hide that such a small thing had flustered her the way nothing else ever had before.

“That’s good,” you stated, and she would hesitate, before nodding, and smiling softly over at you, this time the smile was genuine; it was hard not to allow the corners of her lips to curve upward whenever she was around you, “that’s always good - so-.. are you ready to talk about it, now?”

She would appear taken aback by your question, her smile faltering a little, before she awkwardly cleared her throat, and nodded slowly, though you could tell she was reluctant to discuss what had been happening between her and Shane recently.

“I guess,” she answered, and you would smile warmly back at her, glad that she felt able to talk about such things with you - it even made you feel a little warm and fuzzy inside, like a sense of pride was washing over you in response to your hope that she seemed to trust you, just as much as you trusted her, and somehow had ever since you’d first met her that day; the day she’d first been sent here by her mother to distract her, and take her mind off of the tense situation between her and Shane, before you’d even started at Northshore High. “But - if we’re gonna talk about it,” she began again, and you would tense up for a moment, wondering what she might be about to say, next; you were always terrified that maybe something bad would happen - that maybe she would up, and abandon you, though you couldn’t imagine why. You always put such dread up to how you’d been kidnapped, and abused the way you and, a few years ago now; you were quite young when it happened, and the nights you’d spent screaming and crying had never left your mind, especially not at night, where your nightmares were at their most vivid moments. For a moment, you remembered your kidnapper coming in to kick at your side for how you’d tried to call your home, after successfully sneaking out of his basement, but that wasn’t the worst of the punishment; he spent every night after that breaking each and every one of your fingers, and he would have moved onto your wrist, or toes, if the police didn’t locate you when they did. You winced at the memory, but you wouldn’t let her see the pain in your eyes as you bowed your head, before she could lock eyes with you again, making her heart sink a little as soon as she realised she wouldn’t be able to lock eyes with you again, if you didn’t lift your head the way you had, before, trying to act as if you were distracted by the next pile of dung you were shovelling up at your feet. “Can we do it whilst we’re mucking up, l-like we are, now?” You appeared taken aback again by her request, forgetting your previous thought as you looked up at her again, forgetting how to breathe for a moment whilst she silently admired your eyes without even realising that she was, trying to tell herself that it was just because it made sense to make eye contact right now, rather than glance down at your lips, or just down at the ground when you were both in the middle of a conversation the way that you were, or had been, now.

You appeared skeptical again, once you’d recomposed yourself, and could finally breathe again, as soon as you remembered how your lungs were supposed to work, ever since you’d been born a few years ago, now.

“I don’t know,” you answered warily, prompting her heart to sink, and eyes to darken a little; it made something ache within her for a reason unbeknownst to her to see that you still didn’t seem to trust her with the shovel, but she guessed she understood after she’d been wielding it the way she had earlier, wanting to either break it or smack someone over the head with it whilst she’d been thinking about her and Shane’s recent argument. It was seeing the hurt on her face - even if it were only there for a moment - that made your heart cave in, as you - without hesitation - took up her shovel, before holding it out to her, and forgetting how to breathe all over again as you waited for her to take it from you. “Here, of - of course we can,” you reassured her gently, a little breathlessly, but you tried to hide that you couldn’t breathe as you tried not to watch her hand as it inched closer to your own, before she accepted the shovel from you, and couldn’t help, but allow the pinky finger of her left hand to brush against the back of your own, prompting your heart to stutter, and you to tense up again as a makeshift spurt of electricity seemed to run down your arm - something you’d never felt before. You wondered if she felt it too, noticing the dazed expression on her face, making your cheeks heat up as you hastily looked away from her again, though you longed to keep your eyes focused on her, and only her, despite your not knowing why you’d even had such a reaction to her skin touching your own the way it had, for a split second.

“Thank you,” she replied, once she’d been able to find her voice again as she smiled timidly down at the ground beneath her, “that was-.. really brave of you, considering.”

You lifted your eyebrows again as you glanced over at her, confused by her praise, but still you couldn’t keep the smile from your face as your eyes glinted a little over at her, prompting her heart to skip a beat again as soon as she felt your eyes upon her, encouraging her more than enough to glance up at you again, her eyes not hesitating to lock with your own as you both faltered in place for a moment, staring over at each other as if nobody else existed anymore, besides you two, right here, right now.

It took her more strength than it ever had before to stay stood where she was, seeing herself in another universe inching closer to you, whilst she lifted her right hand up to your left cheek, only making her heart begin to pound a little as you warily glanced over at her, your heart skipping a beat, almost as if you were picturing the same thing as she was, hardly breathing, just like she was, stood before you, before her eyes darkened, and she awkwardly cleared her throat again to break herself from her previous daze, as well as you from your own as you silently cursed yourself, before digging up at the muck again to try and clear your head somehow, only to fail miserably as soon as you felt her hand upon your shoulder.

“Reg-” You spluttered out, before you even knew her name was slipping from your lips, but before you could continue, she pressed on, determined to show you that she meant everything she told you, whilst she knew you silently doubted some things about yourself, though you’d not even told her her about what had happened to you, when you were younger, and felt more hopeless than you ever had before.

“I meant it,” she cooed, gently squeezing your shoulder as you timidly glanced up at her, wishing you could breathe normally again, whilst at the same time you were terrified of losing the way she made you feel, whenever she was with you the way she was, now, “you’re the bravest girl I know.”

You tried not to shudder, your eyes threatening to fill with tears as a lump began to form within your throat, only making it harder for you to not break down in front of her as you forced a shaky smile in her direction, before bowing your head again as soon as small tears began to form within your eyes.

“Bravest, huh?” You mused, and she nodded hastily, not hesitating at all because she meant every word, and knew she always would. Being hit by a bus the way she had last year had made her feel different; more grateful, of everything, as well as everyone, around her - for a split second, whilst she was unconscious, she swore her life had flashed before her eyes, and it made her feel guilty for almost everything she’d ever done - well, everything, until now.

“You - mean a heck of a lot to me,” she expressed, and you would appear taken aback again, your heart skipping a beat, before you glanced up at her again, and wondered why your heart felt as if it were being squeezed even though at the same time it felt as if it were currently soaring with every word she shared with you, and you’d reacted in similar ways ever since you’d first met her, and began to feel alive whenever she was with you the way that she was, now, “you always have, e-ever since I-.. y’know, got to actually know you, and talk to you, and that’ll never change, I promise - you know that, right?”

“I know,” you reassured her, your voice briefly trembling, prompting her heart to squeeze alongside your own as she frowned, and carefully eased you into a hug whilst you melted into her embrace, and wouldn’t hesitate to return it as you buried your face into her left shoulder, feeling safer than you ever had before as you subconsciously drowned within her sweet scent in the best way possible.

“Good,” she returned gently, “I’m glad.” You both fell quiet for a moment as you tried to recompose yourselves, before she held you at arms length blissfully, her eyes glinting alongside your own. “So,” she chimed, and you couldn’t help, but giggle softly whilst you carefully brushed away any remaining tears, “should we continue mucking, or-?”

You smiled warmly at her, before nodding, and taking up your shovel again, as if she hadn’t had you almost breaking down completely within her arms a brief moment ago.

“I’d love to,” you replied, brighter than she’d ever heard you before, prompting her heart to jump alongside your own as she smiled sheepishly back at you, evidently glad to see that you were happy again, now that she’d admitted to you that you were more than what you thought you were to her, before, “as long as you’re still up to talking about whatever you wanna talk about, as we go?”

She tensed up again, remembering Shane, and the fight he and her had had, earlier today, and for a moment you regretted more than anything bringing up the situation, until she smiled reassuringly over at you again, and nodded, before taking your free hand within her own to soothe you even more, indirectly making your heart pound faster than it ever had before as you tried not to glance down at her fingers intertwined with your own, whilst also silently praying that she couldn’t hear what was currently going on within your chest.

“Always,” she answered, and you would express relief, your expression softening, before you glanced down at the ground again, your cheeks heating up even more than they ever had before, “but before that - where should we start?”

🜚

“So he lied to you, about the whole thing?” You mused, a hurt look on your face as you and Regina slowly walked side-by-side, her head bowed, and your eyes dark whilst you tried to ignore how your blood was boiling at the thought of her boyfriend, Shane, disrespecting her like that, hurting her the way you could tell that he was, even now that she was away from him, trying not to think about all that had taken place between them both recently, when things had seemed like they’d be okay the end of last year, before she and him had begun the senior year at Northshore High together, alongside you.

“Yep,” she murmured, and you would frown, glancing over at her for a brief moment whilst your heart ached alongside her own, something she never thought she’d feel before, until now, as she silently begged for a distraction that would end this conversation, and bring on a new one.

The sun was going down - slowly, but surely. The last of the birds out were singing, her looking around for them subconsciously as if she were recently only just discovering each and every one of them around her, after the accident had changed her last year. A thoughtful expression crossed her face, a barely audible sigh of awe escaping her whilst she admired the area around her - your uncle did seem to own quite a bit of natural land; a few acres, at least, beyond the stable.

You couldn’t help, but smile softly in her direction as you admired her in the new light, tilting your head partially. It was almost like a breeze; like something new had hit you harder than it ever had before; like you were seeing every new for the first time, just by being with her. Your heart skipped a beat, and you hastily averted your gaze before she could look back in your direction, and lock eyes with you, prompting your heart to sink as you wished for a moment that you could have met her gaze, but you were terrified of her seeing the evident effect she seemed to have on you, without either of you knowing what it was, exactly, during this blissful moment in time, away from the hustle and bustle of civilisation. Regina was almost glad, to say the least, that her mother had sent her here just for the time being, until your uncle decided that he needed no more stable hands, but she guessed she’d always have you at the school, right?

Before she had time to acknowledge the silent dread forming within the pit of her stomach, you gently took her right hand within your briefly shaky left one, prompting her to forget how to breathe for a moment as she tensed up, and her legs stopped moving beneath her, her head turning on its own toward you before she could even direct it to do so, as if she were no longer controlling her body for a moment, and was watching the pair of you from somewhere else; at a birds-eye view.

Actually, she ventured that such a thing wouldn’t be so bad; to be up high, with the birds that were currently singing from somewhere up in the trees around you both, the odd one or two or even three taking off to either continue their birdsong somewhere else, or depart to their nests wherever they were for the night, alone, or with a family to keep them company; chicks, mate, or a flock. It struck her, eventually, that it was unusual for her to be having such thoughts; she wasn’t used to it, still - the way you made her want to continue her change, after the bus had struck her last year. She knew the old her would probably never bother to acknowledge such a natural scenery, nor would she even notice how this light seemed to make your eyes glint in a certain way.

She winced again, realising she had been staring back at you for a few seconds too long, before she awkwardly cleared her throat, and mustered up the only thing she could think to ask, right now, without having her voice tremble, or having herself get lost completely by all that was around her right now, though she wasn’t completely opposed to waking up to such a scenery each day, you included, somewhere within that dream, in what position she wasn’t quite sure, yet. She still couldn’t put her finger upon it; where you stand, to her - what she felt around you was completely new; like fireworks in the ocean, or particles of snow forming a perfect layer upon lava.

“You okay?” She inquired, her voice barely audible, and you would falter, realising you’d not spoken yet, before you nodded hastily, and smiled timidly back at her whilst your cheeks began to feel as if they were heating up again.

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine, I just-..” You sighed, before looking away from her, and begrudgingly releasing her hand, not sure what had even prompted you to want to hold it within your’s for a moment in the first place as you tried to ignore the warm and fuzzy feeling you were currently experiencing within your chest, as long as she were beside you the way that she was, now.

Regina could tell that you were struggling to find the right words to say - of course she could, so she decided to help the only way she knew she could, right now, inching closer to you somewhat as she looked around at the scenery again, smiling softly as she did - it all felt like some hidden paradise she never even knew existed, before now, and she guessed it didn’t surprise her to find that you were included in such a place as this.

“It’s really pretty, here,” she stated, and you would subconsciously relax, beside her; your body tensing up less in the corner of her eye as you drew in a barely audible sigh of relief to her right, glad that she’d changed the subject before you could falter completely beside her the way you feared you soon would, the way that things had been going recently, “peaceful - I can’t believe I’ve never been here, before.”

You slowly nodded beside her, but you couldn’t stop thinking about the guilt you felt, bringing up Shane again the way you had earlier, after she’d told you about all the fights they’d been having recently, whenever she weren’t here, with you, or was with her friends back at Northshore; you weren’t really used to being around them, yet, so when she was with them, you were either in the library, or outside, writing underneath one of the trees on the hill, unless you were bunking completely - you never really cared about your education, especially after you’d been kidnapped and abused a few years ago, now.

What your kidnapper had done to you had just made you feel like nothing mattered anymore; you hated, or distrusted most things; you only ever felt anything that wasn’t negative when you were with Regina, or the horses your Uncle owned, specifically Firenze, and Felicity, two Friesians that had been here since they were foals. You’d always dreamed about watching them grow, and you would have been able to, if it weren’t for the man who’d taken you the way he did when you were smaller.

You tried to stop thinking about it, turning to face her subconsciously, and the sight of her was enough to clear your head; enough to get you to blurt out exactly what you were thinking, right now, until you knew you should stop.

“I’m sorry,” you managed, your voice weak, and close to a whisper, prompting her heart to sink, before she glanced over at you, her eyes darkening; she just wished you’d stop putting yourself down for things she believed you shouldn’t put yourself down for, especially after all that you’d been through, yourself. She didn’t know yet about the kidnapping, but she knew that you came from a broken home - just your luck, right? You’d had to sit up most nights before you were taken; before the divorce, listening to your parents shouting at each through the walls, but you never understood what it meant that they were doing so, before one night you’d seen your mother packing up her things, and shortly after that bottles of beer appearing around the house. You’d never been more glad to have been put up with your Uncle, instead, by the police, though you still felt guilty sometimes, wondering what was going on with both your father as well as your mother, not that either of them had treated you as well as you thought they had, before, naive to what was going on around you when you were younger, and less aware of the tricks the world seemed to play on some unfortunate people for the fun of seeing them suffer under the clouds it tended to bring down upon them quite often. “I shouldn’t have brought him up again, I-.. I’m-”

“Y/n, don’t,” she interjected gently, making to hold your hands reassuringly within her own, but you would shake your head hastily, before stepping back; you couldn’t let yourself get away with it; didn’t want to get away with anything like that, anymore, as you continued, a little more shakily, worrying her above the pain she was experiencing ever since you’d moved away from her the way you had, a brief moment ago, now. You were beginning to panic a little, that much she could tell, and she couldn’t let it consume you any further than it already had, knowing what would happen, if she did, and she wasn’t ready at all to see you have a panic attack the way she already had once before, when she’d found you sobbing uncontrollably and shaking in the corner of the stable, a few paces away from the inside and outside arenas here for the riding students that tended to come here sometimes, herself included, as a reward for being a stable hand here alongside you, as well as the others.

Neither of you tended to talk to them as much as you spoke to each other; they seemed a little more awkward around you both, neither of you were sure why - it was probably because the owner of the place was your Uncle, and she was hanging out with you a lot of the time; they didn’t want to do or say anything that might get them kicked out of the place. You fought back a shaky sigh, trying not to break down in front of her again as you subconsciously wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to tell yourself that it wasn’t as bad as how your kidnapper had hurt you; you wouldn’t be punished like that again, but it didn’t seem to help much.

“You see, I - I don’t have much of a filter,” you mused, your words almost stumbling over each other as she tried to slowly get closer to you whilst you spoke, and were distracted, “and when I do, I still don’t know much of what I’m doing, and I’m sorry for that; I should have thought about it, before I said it, and I hate myself for it, I really do, I-”

Before you could even process what was going on in your head, your heart racing, and tears clouding your vision, Regina’s arms were around you, and you fell quiet in an instant, your head clearing up again whilst you melted subconsciously into her touch, small tears leaking from your eyes as you slowly returned the hug, not sure what to make of anything anymore. All you could think about now was that she was with you, holding you, and for a moment you wondered if this was the safest you’d ever felt before.

You had so much to thank her for, smiling softly against her shoulder as you stared ahead of you, but the words were stuck in your throat; you didn’t want to move; didn’t want this moment to change as you subconsciously clung to her black jumper, and silently begged her to never let go of you - not again.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she cooed, her voice soothing you in an instant as she rubbed your back using her right hand, the circular movements leaving your skin feeling as if it were thrumming with electricity beneath your t-shirt with every touch, and you felt hopeless in a way, but this time it wasn’t linked to anything like fear - you only wanted more moments like these, more than you’d ever wanted anything else before.

It started off as an idea; you pictured the lights of the distant city against a dark sky, her arms around you almost like they were, now, before it became a picture you longed to witness, first hand, with every part of your being, your heart almost calling for it, and it didn’t take long at all for you to give into it, begrudgingly holding her at arm’s length, before the words so easily slipped from your lips before you could even process that they were doing so:

“Can I show you something?” You blurted out, and Regina appeared taken aback by your request, but she couldn’t say ‘no’ - it never occurred to her to do so, even when she was stood before your motorbike, and there was a glint in your eyes that she’d never seen before.

🜚

It felt like you both were soaring out of your Uncle’s riding centre, before a few seconds had even passed; like you were flying, without having a bird’s wings to do so. Neither of you spoke for a little while; Regina was silently admiring the distant lights of the city, as well as the near corn fields and occasional rabbits that ran alongside you both on the fields. You didn’t have the heart to interrupt her, occasionally glancing back at her, and smiling warmly as her eyes lit up at the sight of something new, only when you could; you didn’t wanna get her into an accident, not much caring about yourself if ever anything happened to you, but if anything happened to her…

You drew in a barely audible sharp breath through a wince, subconsciously slowing the motorbike down even more, though the road was often quiet the way it was, now, a rare car passing by you both every now and then, followed by a lengthy silence that seemed to stretch out between universe after universe. This was the life - if only it could stay like this, forever.

“This is nice,” she mused, perching her chin upon your right shoulder, prompting your heart to skip a beat as a dazed expression crossed your face for a moment, and you were glad it was being hidden by a helmet, worried that you might soon begin to blush again for a reason unbeknownst to you. You wondered how things had got even better; that she was so close to you, and already had her arms wrapped around you, obviously just as a safety precaution - you tried not to make anything of this moment, though it did make your heart pound uncomfortably against your ribcage somehow, to the point you were scared she might be able to hear it, but you assumed she couldn’t as she didn’t mention it, prompting you instantly to express relief, but you tried not to relax too much, reminding yourself that you were still responsible for her right now more than ever, and that you were still in control of your motorbike, no matter how much you wished you could just revel completely in the moment alongside her, without being fearful of how you could possible lose, or hurt her somehow, if ever you slipped up any minute, now - any second, even.

You kept your gaze firmly upon the road ahead, tightening your grip on the handles whilst she continued to look around, wondering how she’d never done this before, especially not with someone like you. Sure, it was similar to when she was driving her car, but this felt different in more ways than one. She snuggled even closer to you - just because it was getting cold, she tried to tell herself; it didn’t mean anything, though she could feel somewhere deeper inside her that she was wrong, and that scared her more than anything else ever had before. This was all so new, and something she never thought possible; she’d had feelings before, of course she had, regarding Shane and Aaron, but they’d never been this intense.

Even the crushes she’d had on other women (that she tried to ignore and excessively deny), had been ones that didn’t last as long as she thought - and sometimes feared - they would. A bird swooped past you both, but you wouldn’t let anything startle you, not if it meant that she could be put in danger by your recklessness if you let something distract you like that almost did.

“You okay, back there?” You inquired, your voice barely audible, as if you were afraid to even speak right now for her sake, your gaze never leaving the road again as you swerved a little to the right to allow another stray car to pass by peacefully - this was nothing like how you’d drive, if you were alone, that much you knew, above anything else right now.

“Yeah, you?” She called over the incoming wind, and you would appear taken aback by the question; you still weren’t used to someone else actually caring about you, you guessed.

“Yeah, I - I’m-” Your voice cracked for a brief moment, and you couldn’t help, but curse yourself for being so pathetic around her. “I’m okay,” you managed, eventually, and she would smile softly down at you, evidently glad to hear that as you’d been quiet for most of the ride, now, just too focused on trying to protect her to the point that it was unnatural; obsessive, to others, most likely, but you didn’t care; you couldn’t take any risk that could cause her demise.

“Good,” she replied gently, almost in a voice close to a whisper as if she were still afraid of what you’d think, if you heard her response, though she wasn’t sure why, all these new feelings leaving her with a headache due to the conflict going on between the two sides of both her heart, and mind. She clung on a little tighter to you to subconsciously provide comfort to herself, as well as you; she’d never seen you this quiet before, finding herself even missing your voice as another few minutes passed, with you not daring to muster up another word to her, even if it was just to ask her if she were okay; ask her if she liked the view; all the lights; the glittering stars above you both. “I’ve never seen you this focused before,” she admitted, and for a moment you faltered, swerving a little before you tightened your grip again, and re-centred your motorbike, but she wasn’t scared, only secretly glad that she’d achieved a reaction out of you the way she could tell that she had; you’d been so firm all this time, only now to let that foundation break if only just for a second the way it had, “you’re committed.”

You subconsciously grimaced, but tried not to let it get to you, though you knew she meant well, and in part, it was true; you were committed to protecting her, but just her, as well as the last few presences on the earth who had actually treated you right, but you couldn’t feel the same way toward the rest of the souls you’d met, so far, even though you’d only been alive for a few years, now.

“I guess,” you replied, and she would raise her eyebrows, wondering why you seemed to tense up beneath her touch only now, but she didn’t blame you, knowing you’d been through what nobody should have to go through at such a young age, your parents fighting all the time the way that they were, before they divorced, and your father started drinking - if only she knew about the kidnapping, too, before she continued; the kidnapping had always been the thing that especially provoked you the way it did, whether it broke you down to be reminded of what had been done to you, or it made you reckless; drove you to drink, yourself, or even suicide attempts, direct, or indirect on a count of reckless driving, or substance abuse - it just made you ache and burn in overwhelming ways that you couldn’t ignore everything it made you want to do, whenever you were reminded of what happened the nights you spent crying and screaming for someone to help, only for help to come when so much of you had already been broken inside, mentally and physically. You never intended to bring her into your pain; to get her involved with any of it, but something switched within you, and it always got to a point that you couldn’t hold anything back anymore - not until it was already too late for you to do so.

🜸

“You are,” Regina insisted, smiling subconsciously over at you as she admired your facial features without even realising that she was doing so, “you just don’t wanna admit it, right? The world, even if it hurt you; you wanna stay committed to it, somehow, in whatever way that you can-”

“I could never commit to something that never did anything good for me,” you uttered, and she would appear taken aback, a pained expression on her face as she nodded gravely, and regretted bringing it up in more ways than one, your eyes darkening as you scowled ahead of you, before slowly revving up your motorcycle, bringing it to accelerate even more as she winced, clinging onto you even more whilst you proceeded to turn another corner sharply, narrowly avoiding an approaching car.

“Y/n-”

“You wanna know how I feel about the world?” You questioned, and she would falter, finally appearing worried now as you accelerated even more somehow, something she never thought you would do considering you’d been so careful, up until this moment in time. “This is how I feel,” you spat, sharply revving the motorbike again as you leaned even further forward, and before Regina could even react; could even try and talk you out of what you were doing again, she noticed the broken fence you were both approaching, leaving open a dangerously close cliff-edge, and she knew what you were intending on doing more than you yourself even did.

“Shit,” she managed, first, before returning her widened gaze to you; her eyes full of nothing, but sheer dread as she gently shook you, desperate to try and stop you from continuing the way that you were, “Y/n, stop! You - You can’t do this; you’ll kill us-”

“We all fucking burn in the end,” you interjected sharply, your voice more dangerous and firm than she’d ever heard it before, but she never let go of you, regardless of what you were directing her as well as yourself toward right now, but before you could drive the motorcycle beyond the broken fence, you quickly swerved it a few paces before to the side, just about stopping the two of you before the wheel could go over, a pained expression crossing your face whilst Regina breathed heavy, and fast; she’d never been this scared, before - well, scared, and elated; only you had done things to have an effect such as this on her, and for some reason unbeknownst to her, she never wanted it to stop. “Get off,” you uttered, just as she made to say ‘I’, surprising her, as well as dejecting her as she subconsciously shook her head, and made to protest, only for you to continue in an even sharper voice, making her heart ache even more somehow, “get. Off, Regina.”

She couldn’t help, but scowl over at you, before nodding, and forcing herself to let go of you so she could dismount your motorbike, no matter how much her heart longed to remain close to your’s. She knew she should hate you, right now, but it was the sadness in your eyes that made her falter, her heart aching silently alongside your own - she couldn’t hate you; she just couldn’t, she cared about you too much to, maybe even loved you too much to, not that she knew what that meant yet; whether she loved you just as a friend, or as something more.

She drew in a barely audible shaky breath, still trying to recompose herself as she inched closer to you, and hugged herself, trying not to show that it was hurting her - how you were treating her, now, as if she meant nothing to you even after all that you’d both already been through together, recently.

“Y/n-”

“I can’t,” you murmured weakly, and she felt even worse when she heard your voice cracking, “I - I just-.. can’t, okay? I need to go-”

Her eyes widened again as she hastily shook her head; she couldn’t believe you’d just leave her there, without any explanation at all as to why you’d reacted to her assumption the way you did.

“But-”

“Reg, please-”

“You can’t just leave me here, Y/n,” she retorted, and quickly blocked your way before you could move your motorcycle anymore than you already had, a brief moment ago, now, “I need you; you’re the one who brought me here, remember?”

“You can walk, can’t you?” You reminded her harshly, but wished - as soon as the words had slipped from your lips - you could take them all back, your heart aching excruciatingly as you bowed your head, small tears threatening to cloud your vision. “You don’t need me to take you anywhere-”

“I do,” she contradicted, and you would sigh heavily, before bowing your head a little, knowing you should at least try and make something up to her, after what you’d already said to hurt her without even intentionally doing so the way you had.

“Then-.. let me make it up to you, at least,” you requested, evidently nervous as you fidgeted with your fingers subconsciously, your eyes full of worry as well as guilt behind your helmet, “please?”

Regina hesitated, not sure what to do, now - a part of her wanted nothing more, than to say ‘yes’, whilst another made her feel as if she should just go back home; give you some space, after what had happened a brief moment ago, but whenever she had such thoughts a cloud seemed to pass over her entire being, leaving her feeling empty and dejected inside - she hated being away from you, but she knew as well that she should get back, really, to avoid worrying her mother; during the journey, she felt that her phone was buzzing repeatedly, and she forgot until now that she’d promised she’d be back in time for dinner, and it had almost been a couple of hours or so passed that expectation.

“I don’t know-”

“Reg-”

“I want to go home, Y/n,” she decided, begrudgingly, and you would fall quiet, your frame drooping a little subconsciously in response to her interjection, but you couldn’t blame her - you’d probably hate you, too, if you were in her position, right now. “Not back to your Uncle’s ranch; not back onto any other road we haven’t been on - I want to go home,” she repeated, “my home, okay? Can you do that, without almost killing us both, or-?”

“Okay,” you answered, after swallowing painfully, but the lump in your throat didn’t go away, and Regina would reluctantly avert her gaze, a pained expression on her face as she climbed back up onto your motorcycle, before making to put her helmet back on, “I’m not a monster, by the way.”

Your words took her aback as she stopped what she was doing, for a moment, subconsciously lowering the helmet as she glanced up at you, her eyes full of the guilt as well as concern that she was currently feeling for you, right now; she’d never intended to make you feel that way, about yourself, especially not after all that you’d been through, ever since you were born a few years back - not when she thought the complete opposite about you, without you even knowing that she did, and had ever since she’d first met you, not too long ago, now.

“I know,” she reassured you gently, but you couldn’t let it go; couldn’t give in, not without her knowing that you never meant to hurt her, and never could; that you loved her too much to; that no matter what the future held for you, you could never let your past change you in a way that threatened her life, the way you almost had shortly after the ride had begun, not too long ago, now.

“I mean it, Reg, I - I’m not-”

“You don’t need to prove anything to me, Y/n,” she cooed, lifting her right hand up to your right shoulder, prompting you to falter, and fall quiet instantly as you revelled in her touch, smiling softly as you glanced down upon her hand holding your shoulder, making you feel warm and fuzzy all over again as if the pain had never been there in the first place, just because she was there with you, and holding you again the way you loved to feel her doing so, and had ever since you’d first met her a few months ago, now, or was it longer? You hardly had any sense of time anymore, now that she was with you. You tried not to sigh, more relaxed than you’d ever been before, until she withdrew her hand, and you began to feel empty again, trying desperately to cling onto the feeling, before she continued gently, soothing you all the more whilst she put her helmet back on again. “You know that, right?” She asked, wanting to hear you tell her that you did, and you would hesitate, glancing back at her timidly for a moment, before you smiled faintly, and nodded, trying to appear firm and confident again to reassure her further as you recomposed yourself, before answering in a makeshift stronger voice simply the word ‘yes’, prompting her to smile warmly back at you, glad, before she returned her arms around your waist, mustered up a sleepy ‘good’, and you began to rev up the motorcycle again - if you wanted to get her home to a not-so-furious scolding from her mother, you better do so quickly, right?

🜚

As soon as you pulled into her mother’s driveway, you began to feel empty again, knowing you’d both soon be departing from each other for the day. You smiled sadly back at her, before pulling off your helmet, and helping her off of your motorcycle.

“H-Hey, do you - can - can I walk you to your door?” You inquired, and she would appear taken aback, as well as a little flustered by your request, her eyes glinting a little whilst blood rushed up to her cheeks for a reason unbeknownst to her - she assumed it was just because it was cold again, but it terrified her to know that she was lying to herself, somewhere deep inside her; the part of her she didn’t like to show too often, until recently, after the bus had hit her last year.

“Er,” she began awkwardly, finding she couldn’t meet your gaze for a moment, whilst you tensed up and waited anxiously for her response before her, “sure, I - I don’t see why not, so.. yeah, c’mon.”

You appeared relieved, your eyes brightening up again as you smiled sheepishly over at her.

“Okay!” You replied, maybe a little too brightly, before you timidly offered her your right hand, prompting her heart to skip a beat, before she accepted your hand, and smiled softly over at you, trying not to appear dazed as soon as she felt the electricity passing between your and her hand, through both your and her arm, not even stopping as you began to walk slowly side-by-side, not wanting this moment to end for the world, but she guessed that was a luxury neither of you would ever be able to achieve, considering the way things had been ever since you both had been born, a few years ago, now. Time doesn’t stop for anyone. You frowned, averting your gaze down to the ground for a moment as your eyes darkened, and heart sank alongside her own as soon as you both had reached her door. “So,” you began begrudgingly, before turning to face her, and managing a faint smile back at her whilst she gently squeezed your hand in an attempt to provide comfort to you as well as herself.

“I guess we should-”

“There you are!” Another voice sounded out after the door began to open, prompting Regina to wince, before she hastily withdrew her hand from your own, prompting your heart to sink even more as you hastily looked away, and awkwardly shuffled upon the spot. “What did I tell you about dinner, and going out late, young lady?” Mrs George questioned - at least you assumed it was her mother; you’d seen her a few times before with Regina, but you’d never really spoken to her before, and certainly had never been this close to her before, making you feel awkward as she’d probably never seen you and her daughter together like she had her other friends.

“Jesus, mom, it’s only been a few hours since I left-”

“You left school at three, and it’s now-” She glanced down at her watch, before hastily returning her gaze to Regina. “Seven in the evening, almost eight - where have you been?” She questioned, and she would have continued, certainly appearing as if she were about to, before her gaze fell upon you, and she would wince, managing to smile awkwardly as well as apologetically over at you. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there,” she mused, before appearing a little puzzled as she looked you over, realising that she’d never really seen you before, until now, and didn’t know you as well as she did the others, “er - Regina, honey, is this one of your friends?”

“Y-Yeah,” she answered, trying to disguise the pause with a faint cough; she wasn’t sure why it felt strange to call you her ‘friend’, as well as why it flooded her with guilt a little to notice the pained expression on your face in response to her description of you, “she is; you’ve not met her before, but-.. she’s one of the other stable hands at that riding centre near here; her Uncle’s the owner of the place.”

“Is that right? Well, it’s nice to meet you, erm,” her mother paused for a moment, awkwardly holding her hand out for a moment, “sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Y/n,” you managed, your voice faint, and close to a whisper; you were evidently nervous, “Y/n L/n.”

Mrs. George smiled warmly over at you, and you would hesitantly shake her hand, smiling awkwardly back at her, before you averted your gaze once the hand-shake was over, evidently afraid of doing or saying something wrong if you stayed any longer than you already had, now.

“Do you go to Northshore, too, sweetie?” She inquired, and you would tense up, realising she was talking to you again, before you nodded, awkwardly looking over at Regina as if you were afraid that that was the wrong answer, though it was far from being something wrong when you were going to Northshore alongside her, after you’d been kicked out of your last high school.

“Yeah, she - she does, she - she’s also starting senior year,” Regina explained, and Mrs. George would appear surprised; she couldn’t believe she’d never noticed you before, if you were starting senior year here the way you were said to be doing so, “she moved here, from another school - t-that’s why you, y’know-..”

“Right,” Mrs. George replied, things making at least somewhat more sense to her, now, before she seemed to remember something, and secretly winked over at Regina for a reason unbeknownst to her, prompting her daughter to wince, and appear a little flustered again, looking away before either of you could tell that such an effect was currently being had on her, right now, because of her mother’s evident assumption, “hey, would you like to stay for dinner? There’s a lot left, because missy here said there would be company joining us tonight, until none of them showed up - you’re very welcome to!”

You hesitated, not sure, as you awkwardly stepped back, and smiled apologetically back at Regina’s mother; you weren’t sure you were ready for doing anything like that, yet - social company that didn’t involve you and Regina being alone together wasn’t something you were used to, or much comfortable with, even if Mrs. George seemed to be keen on having you stay the way that she was, for Regina’s sake as much as her own; she just wanted to see Regina happy again considering all the fights she’d been having with Shane recently, and by the looks of things she could see that you seemed to have a certain effect on her daughter that she found hopeful, as well as actually kind of adorable - you seemed to naturally click together, and she wanted to keep that going, somehow, hoping it would prompt Regina to drop Shane, somehow, whether it led to you both being anymore than you were, now, or it just kept you being close friends the way that she could tell you currently were.

“I’d love to, b-but-”

“She’s gotta get back and help her Uncle with the horses,” Regina answered, seeing that you were struggling, prompting you to express relief, before you smiled faintly back at her mother again whilst Mrs. George appeared a little disappointed, before nodding gravely, and returning a reassuring smile back at you, only relaxing you even further as you warily glanced back toward the motorbike, and fidgeted a little with your helmet.

“Right, sorry,” her mother responded gently, “I’ll let you get on with that, then, but if you ever want to come back and stay for a bit, you know where we are, right?”

“Right,” you reassured her, before timidly smiling back at the both of them, “thank you, Mrs. George - see you tomorrow, Reg.”

“See you,” she returned a little dismally, before you pushed yourself to begin walking back toward your motorbike, whilst Mrs. George appeared skeptical, mouthing ‘Reg’ as a question to her daughter, but Regina wouldn’t acknowledge her, slipping by her mother into the house once you’d begun to pull out of their driveway, but it wasn’t long before you’d hear her voice again, shortly after you’d got back, and were trying to get to sleep - not long at all.

🜚

“What was that?” Mrs. George inquired, after closing the door, and Regina would wince, reluctantly looking back at her as she stopped upon the first stop of their home’s staircase up to the second floor.

“Nothing,” she answered, but her mother didn’t seem convinced, worrying her a little as she looked away after rolling her eyes, “it was nothing, I swear; she’s a friend, mom - that’s all there is to it-”

“You know it’s okay, right?” She continued, gentler, this time, and Regina would falter, glancing back at her with a pained as well as puzzled expression on her face.

“Mom-”

“You can have feelings for her,” she clarified, resting her hands upon her daughter’s shoulders reassuringly, “it’s normal - I’m not judging you, at all, so tell me - do you like her, or-?”

“C-Can we not do this, right now?” Regina requested, avoiding her mother’s gaze, but Mrs. George knew better than to just give in.

“Just tell me, okay? If ever you-.. do start feeling anything for her,” she requested, and Regina would sigh, before she nodded gravely, and awkwardly shuffled upon the spot, “you know I have all the tricks you need to know, about winning who you want to be with; I used to be quite the popular flirt, myself-”

“Gross, but okay,” she replied, unable to stop a soft smile from tugging at the corners of her lips as she looked back up at her mother, prompting her to smile back at her; she liked seeing her daughter happy the way she was, now - it had been a little while since things had been like this between them both, after she’d got with Shane last year, “I’ll tell you.”

“Thank you,” Mrs. George responded exasperatedly, glad, above anything else, that she’d got through to Regina the way she could tell that she had.

“But,” Regina continued, worrying her mother again as she appeared to tense up, “I’m still with Shane, and I’m happy, so-”

“You’re happy? Really? Happy is not what I’m seeing from you when you’re with him, Regina-”

“Then that’s your opinion,” her daughter interjected sharply, “not mine - just-.. stay out of my business, okay? Please?”

Mrs. George frowned, shaking her head subconsciously, but Regina was already turning away from her even as she made to continue:

“Honey-”

“I’m going to bed,” she stated, and her mother would sigh behind her, before nodding gravely; she knew she’d never be able to change her mind about Shane; she’d have to do it herself, somehow; have to realise herself that he wasn’t any good for her, like she had thought he might be last year, until now; until the fighting had started the way it did, faster than she’d ever expected it to.

“Okay, but-.. next time, let me know when you’re going to be coming home late, okay?” Mrs. George called, and Regina would grunt, not bothering to respond as she disappeared into her room, and locked the door behind her.

🜚

It wasn’t long that you were plunged into a nightmare, after you fell asleep, crying and shaking uncontrollably whilst you clung to your duvet, your Uncle trying to soothe you as you struggled within his arms once he’d managed to get them around you, no matter how much you thrashed and cried out for help, thinking you were being taken by the man who had kidnapped and abused you again.

“You’re okay,” he cooed gently, his voice briefly shaking as he held you close, and you continued to cry, shaking your head rapidly as you mustered up things barely audible, before Regina’s name shakily slipped from your lips, “it’s okay.”

“Let go!” You cried, desperate to get away from him, and to find Regina again, afraid of what might happen to her, though the man who had kidnapped you was already in jail for what he’d done, and had been locked up for a few years now already - there was no way he was getting out, any time soon. “Please,” you begged, “I - I can’t - let me go! I need her! I - I need to hear her, please; let me see her, before he hurts her, too, please!”

“She’s okay,” he reassured hastily, “everything’s okay - he isn’t here, Y/n, you’re safe! He’s never coming back-”

“Stop!” You continued weakly, before you struggled out of his embrace, and lunged yourself off of the bed, before grabbing your phone, and surprising him by retrieving a pen-knife you’d been hiding under your bed in case anyone ever tried hurting you again like your kidnapper had years ago.

He faltered, hastily shaking his head whilst he drew back, and lifted his hands up in surrender, not wanting you to think he was going to force you to do anything - even he knew that it was smart not to continue trying to stop you when you were in a state like this, enough to prompt you to threaten him even if he was trying to help you, but he knew it was difficult for you; knew that you’d not recovered yet; that you were still stuck thinking right now that you were trapped within some form of that nightmare, even if it were over, now, and would hopefully never happen to you again, no matter what the future held for you, after today.

“Woah now,” he began slowly, “it’s okay - I’m staying over here, okay? I’m not gonna do anything; I’m not like him, you know I’m not, just don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

“I just wanna hear her,” you admitted shakily, your voice cracking as you did, and his expression would soften, before he nodded gravely.

“Okay,” he replied gently, “then call her, see if she’s awake, but-.. if she’s not-”

“Don’t,” you spat weakly; sharply, and he would fall quiet again, “don’t you dare - I won’t let him take her; she will answer, and if she doesn’t-”

“She’s safe,” he reassured you again gently, “just try, and you’ll see, I promise.”

You hesitated, evidently nervous, before you began to shakily unlock your phone, allowing you to bring up your messages, alongside her number, but as soon as you noticed the phone symbol in the corner of the screen, you hastily pressed your finger down upon it, and waited anxiously for her to answer the call.

🜸

By the time you’d called her, she was already awake, struggling to sleep; tossing and turning, until she heard her phone buzzing, dragging her out of her thoughts regarding you, and what her mother had told her regarding your and her relationship. It rattled her more than anything else ever had before. She hastily sat up, grabbing her phone in the process of doing so, before she faltered, and tensed up a little upon noticing your name on her screen.

She didn’t hesitate, sliding with her finger to accept the call, before she shakily held her phone up to her ear, almost regretting doing so as soon as it had been done.

🜸

All she heard at first, was you sniffling barely audibly on the other side of the phone, prompting her heart to ache excruciatingly as soon as she realised that you were crying, for a reason unbeknownst to her. You couldn’t speak, at first, your hand shaking at your right ear whilst your Uncle watched you quietly; cautiously - he still didn’t know what to make of the situation, right now, with you still holding the pen-knife.

“Regina?” You managed, your voice briefly trembling, barely audible, and she sucked in a sharp breath subconsciously, her heart skipping a beat as soon as she heard your voice.

“Y/n?” She replied, and you would express relief, evidently glad to hear that she was okay; still there, and hopefully not in the clutches of the man who had kidnapped you the way he did, a few years ago, now. “Are you - Are you okay? What - What’s wrong?” She questioned, sitting up even further in her bed as she even shuffled toward the edge of it, as if she were deciding whether she should go back to your Uncle’s ranch to check on you, and make sure that you were okay; she didn’t like the idea of you being alone, whilst you were like this, evidently not knowing that your Uncle was with you in the room right now, you holding a pen-knife at him as if you still thought he were about to hurt you, or try and stop you from protecting her somehow when he could never do anything like that to you, especially not when he’d made a vow to protect you to your mother, before she’d left after the divorce.

You frowned, wrapping your left arm around your legs as you shuffled even further back against the wall, your eyes glistening as you tried to find the right words to say, your bottom lip shaking whilst your throat felt as if it were burning; sore from crying, and screaming the way that you were, a brief moment ago, before your Uncle had let you go to call her like you were, now.

“I - I’m,” you began feebly, your words stumbling over themselves, “I’m sorry-”

“Y/n,” your Uncle began gently, but you wouldn’t listen to him, hastily shaking your head; you didn’t want to be told that it wasn’t your fault; that none of this was, because you knew that things could have been different; you knew that maybe you could have done something to fix this; to fix everything that happened; to fix yourself even after all that had been done to you, before.

“I should never have-.. I-” You faltered again, struggling to hold yourself together as your face crumpled, and you began to cry again, your grip on your phone tightening. “I’m sorry, okay? I really am, I-”

“Y/n, stop-” Your Uncle continued, but you would move away before he could inch any closer than he had, despite you still holding the pen-knife in front of you as soon as he’d made to move again like he had.

“The - The truth is,” you began again, trying not to allow your voice to shake anymore than it already had, by briefly biting down upon your tongue, even as you began to taste blood, and tears continued to leak out of your already red and sore eyes, “I like you, Reg, more - more than I had planned to, and I-.. I’m so-..” Regina didn’t know what to say, her heart silently breaking alongside your own as she listened to you trying, and struggling to hold everything within you together, just to try and stay strong for her, though she still didn’t know what had prompted you to react the way that you were; to call her, instead of anyone else, during times like these that you were at your weakest; she’d never heard you like this before. “Look, I-.. if - if he takes me today; y-you don’t know him, but-.. if he takes me,” you continued, a little more urgently now, your voice trembling even more whilst your hand began to shake again, your heart pounding, “don’t look for me, don’t even ask for me, don’t-.. don’t even-.. please, just forget about me, okay? Please? Will you?”

“What? Y/n, what - what are you talking about?” She questioned, evidently getting nervous, now, her eyes full of the concern she was currently holding for you, whilst her own heart began to pound uncomfortably within her chest. “Y/n-”

“I’m sorry,” you repeated a little weaker, “I-.. just don’t let him get you, too.”

“That’s enough, Y/n,” your Uncle continued, before he hastily got off of the bed, before taking the phone from you before you could even try and take it back from him, wanting to hear her voice just for one short moment longer, even if you really were safe right now, and weren’t still trapped within the nightmare you’d been plunged into not too long ago, now, “c’mon-”

“No!” You cried, but he held the phone away from you, carefully pinning you down upon the ground before you could scratch at him using the pen-knife; he knew that it was a hard situation for Regina to be in, too, not knowing about what had happened to you regarding you being kidnapped the way you were, and he knew he shouldn’t let it continue for as long as it was, so instead of giving the phone up to you, he put it up to his own right ear, before saying goodnight, as well as apologising to Regina, and ending the call, but she couldn’t let what she’d heard go, shaking her head as soon as she noticed the call had been ended, before she got up, and rushed down the stairs.

🜸

“You can’t do this!” You cried, desperate to call her again, but still he wouldn’t let you have the phone back, keeping it in the pocket of his jacket; he often stayed up late, keeping watch of the horses if they were particularly loud, and that was what he had been doing, before he’d heard you screaming and crying upstairs. “I have to call her again, please!” You begged, struggling against his hold as he removed the pen-knife from your left hand, before carefully picking you up off of the ground; you needed to relax, somehow, as he carefully laid you back down upon his bed, before taking up a bottle of sleep medication that tended to help you sometimes, on nights like these. “If I lose her, I-”

“You won’t lose her,” he cooed, as he carefully encouraged you to take the pill, before offering you the glass of water he’d got you earlier - this was often a common occurrence, at night; he liked to be prepared for you if ever you needed more of your medication or for him to stay with you until you fell asleep again after being plunged into a nightmare like the one you’d just had not too long ago, now. “She’s always gonna be here for you, I promise,” he added gently, “no matter what - I can tell, I just-.. I’m worried about - about what she’ll think, if she-.. if she knows, about what happened to you; she doesn’t know yet, remember? She doesn’t even know about the divorce, does she?”

“She does,” you contradicted a little sleepily, your voice quieter than it was, before; the pill was already taking effect, it seemed, as you subconsciously snuggled a little into your duvet whilst your Uncle sat on the edge of the bed beside you, “I-.. I told her. I-.. I don’t know why, I just-.. I-”

“It’s okay,” he reassured you, smiling softly down at you, “I understand.” He sighed, before laying down beside you whilst you stared up at the ceiling, your eyelids growing a little heavier than they were, before. “Try and get some sleep, okay?” He encouraged, and you would hesitate, before nodding slowly, though it was a struggle to focus anymore; struggle to quiet your mind, when all you could think about was how you hoped Regina was safe, even though you had been brought back to reality by now.

🜸

Regina didn’t waste any time getting downstairs, her heart pounding overwhelmingly whilst she made to grab her coat from the hanger, but before she could open the door after swiftly retrieving her car keys, her mother came out of the kitchen, startling her as she jumped, and leaned heavily against the door for a moment after Mrs. George had tiredly said her daughter’s name to her right.

“Mom?” She managed, her voice barely audible, and sounding as if she were still shaken up after what had happened, earlier. “W-What are you-”

“I should be asking you the same thing,” Mrs. George interrupted suspiciously, and Regina would wince, hastily bowing her head as a lump began to form within her throat again - she couldn’t let her mother stop her from seeing you, after you’d called her the way that you did, all broken up and sounding more scared than she’d ever heard you before, only making her heart ache even more excruciatingly than it ever had before. “What are you doing, missy?” She questioned, but before Regina could muster up a response, her mother continued, and she found herself struggling not to cry, as she bowed her head, and blinked her tears back whilst her mother surveyed her curiously all the while, wondering if Shane had fought with her again, before she’d rushed down the stairs the way she had, phone loosely in her right hand. “Don’t tell me, it’s Shane, isn’t it? He upset you again-”

“It’s Y/n,” Regina managed, her voice briefly trembling, and her mother’s expression would soften as soon as she heard the pain in her daughter’s voice, no matter how much she tried to hide that she was struggling, the way she currently was, after you’d called her a brief moment ago, “she-.. she’s-”

“Oh, honey,” her mother cooed sympathetically as soon as Regina found herself breaking down, unable to fight back her emotions any longer as she collapsed into Mrs. George’s arms, crying quietly into her left shoulder in a strained manner, as if she were still trying to hold the tears and sobs back, somehow, after they’d managed to escape her the way they had, a brief moment ago, now, “it’s okay - you’re okay; everything’s okay, you can tell me - what’s wrong with Y/n? Did you guys have a fight, or-? Or is she-?” Mrs. George appeared worried as she held her daughter at arms length, her eyes a little wider than they were, before. “God, no, she isn’t hurt, or - or even dead, is she? Talk to me, Regina, you’re scaring me-”

“I can’t stay here,” Regina managed, a little more firmly, though her voice still shook for a brief moment, as she withdrew from her mother’s embrace, even stepping back as Mrs. George drew closer to her again, “she needs me-”

“But it’s late, sweetie-”

“You used to be okay with late nights,” Regina reminded her exasperatedly, desperate to get to you as fast as she possibly could, so she could make sure that you were okay; she hated that she weren’t with you right now, especially when you sounded so scared, before, “please, mom, let me go to her, please!”

Mrs. George sighed, before nodding gravely, and averting her gaze for a brief moment as she thought about what she could do to keep her daughter safe in the process, afraid of what accidents she could get into in a state like this, but she tried her best not to conjure up subconsciously any images in her mind of a car accident waiting to happen. She’d have to go with her, if she wanted to protect her the way she did, and had ever since she had first been born, a few years ago, now.

“Fine, you can go, but I’m not letting you go alone,” she decided, before Regina could slip through the front door the way she’d been making to, just as her mother had made to continue.

She groaned, evidently displeased by her mother’s choice, but before she could complain, Mrs. George took the car keys from her, only annoying her even more.

“What? But-”

“And I’m driving, missy,” Mrs. George continued, before slipping by her daughter to open the door, “so are we doing this, or not?”

🜚

The drive felt longer than it ever had before, like a million lifetimes were going by, and they still hadn’t got to his ranch yet though it was quite close by to her mom’s house, as well as near to Northshore High School, but Regina didn’t want to think about how she’d have to go back there tomorrow right now - not when she was still worried about you, the way that she currently was, and had been ever since you’d called her the way you did.

“You okay back there, hon? You’re very quiet,” Mrs. George inquired, and Regina would hesitate, before nodding, and forcing a smile over at her mother through the rear view mirror, but she couldn’t get the smile to reach her eyes as she bowed her head again quickly, trying to hide that her smile dropped as fast as she’d brought it on. “Hey,” her mother continued gently, seeing that her daughter was still in pain, and definitely nothing short of worried about you, as she carefully reached her left hand behind her to gently and reassuringly squeeze Regina’s own, but it still shook a little once she let go; she couldn’t calm down; couldn’t stop her heart from pounding, and she hated it, but she couldn’t quite get herself to want to go home, not when they were both so close now to your Uncle’s ranch.

As soon as the driveway came into view, Regina sat up, her eyes a little wide as they surveyed the area, as if she were expecting to see blood stains, or weapons, or broken windows, only to find that the place seemed unscathed, prompting her to express relief, her heart instantly slowing down a little as she relaxed back into her seat just a bit, but she was still tense, telling herself that she wouldn’t be happy, until she saw that you were okay; still breathing, and not cold inside, as long as you were still here.

“Who’s there?” A familiar voice called out, and that was when Regina noticed that there was a figure approaching the car warily with a flashlight.

“This is the right place, isn’t it, sweetie?” Her mom asked, but Regina couldn’t bring herself to answer, hastily getting out of the car, before she rushed up to your Uncle, and couldn’t help, but shove him, assuming that maybe he had something to do with how scared you sounded, since he’d interrupted the call, before it was ended the way it suddenly was, earlier. “Regina!” Mrs. George called after her, running toward them both to wrap her arms around her daughter, attempting to pull her away, but Regina wouldn’t let her mother stop her.

“Where is she, and what have you done to her!?” She cried, and your Uncle would frown, shaking his head subconsciously, before he sighed, and looked warily back toward the house; he’d been expecting this, but wasn’t phased, as he smiled apologetically back at both of them.

“She’s inside,” he answered calmly, before his eyes darkened a little upon him realising he may have to tell Regina and her mother the truth, now that they were here, prompting him to appear slightly dejected in response to his own recollection of what had happened to you a few years ago, now.

He remembered all the sleepless nights, wondering when the police would call him back; when you’d be brought home, and it was painful - he himself still had nightmares about it, sometimes, and it filled him with a boiling hot rage to think about how long it had taken them to locate you; how your father had done nothing himself to help you, not even looking alongside the search party he’d put together for you, but he guessed that was in the past, now, and could never be changed - at least you’d finally been brought home; a little broken, but still alive, and home.

He sighed heavily, appearing tired, now; he’d been awake for a little while, after you’d woke up from the nightmare you’d been plunged into a little earlier, shaking him up slightly to the point he found he just couldn’t get anymore sleep, worried about how you might need him to comfort you again, at some point; he never wanted to not be there for you, when you needed him, especially not after you’d hardly been looked after by your father and mother, considering your mother was focused on getting away, whilst your father had been more content drinking than he was looking after you.

Even that made him scowl subconsciously down at the ground again; maybe if your father had been looking after you, you wouldn’t have been taken, and wouldn’t have to had gone through the abuse that you did at the hands of your kidnapper, years ago, now.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. L/n, I didn’t think she’d-”

“It’s fine,” he reassured, smiling feebly back at Regina’s mother, before he gesticulated toward the house, and switched off his flashlight, “come inside for a little while - it’s cold out, and-.. I feel I have some explaining to do for Ms. George, here, as well as you, but Y/n, she-.. she’s upstairs, sleeping, at least I think she is, and I’ll let you see her if you want, but-.. she needs rest, and most likely won’t wake up until the morning comes around, now - is that okay?”

Regina hesitated, before nodding slowly, and awkwardly shuffling on her feet - as long as she could see you, she was happy, so as soon as your Uncle turned to walk back into the house, she followed, her mother hot on her heels behind her.

🜚

“Sorry again, Ms George,” your Uncle began hesitantly, once they had all entered the house, and he had shut the front door to keep the wind out, “about the call.”

Regina’s mother would appear confused, looking between Regina and your Uncle as she tried to make sense of what was going on, right now, given that she hadn’t been around to hear the phone call between you and her daughter not too long ago, now.

“It’s fine,” Regina responded in a voice barely audible, cautiously watching him as he made his way over to the kitchen table, before awkwardly sitting down upon one of the chairs, looking as if his back were hurting him as he did; he’d never been quite so energetic after he’d been bucked off one of the horses, here, a little while ago, now, “but-.. why? Why was Y/n talking like that? Like she was about to get taken away, or - or even killed? You haven’t told us anything about that, yet-”

“In due time,” he reassured, before smiling apologetically over at Regina, and gesticulating for them to sit at the table with him, “first, maybe you should make yourselves comfortable for a little while, before I let anyone go up there and see her.”

Regina hesitated, at first, mostly because she didn’t want to waste anymore time when she could be going upstairs, and making sure that you were okay, right now, the way she wanted to ever since she’d got the call from you, in the first place.

“Regina, honey, let’s do as he says, okay?” Mrs. George encouraged, and Regina would roll her eyes, before nodding gravely, and moving toward the table before her mother could guide her toward it instead.

“Thank you, Mrs. George,” your Uncle replied, evidently grateful as he himself was struggling to keep up a strong front right now, considering what he knew he would be having to tell them both about you, soon, “this might be easier, sitting down, than it would be standing up - that’s why I thought this would be better, for all of us.” Regina couldn’t help, but scowl down at the table, as she fidgeted with her hands, desperate to get this over with so she could check on you, like he said she’d be able to earlier, before they all had gone inside to talk about what had happened, first. “Now that we’re here,” he began again slowly, in more of a strained manner, before forcing a smile up at them both, “I-..” He sighed, before standing up again, and making toward one of the countertops, Regina cautiously tracking his every move, though it did make her feel a little guilty, suspecting him of anything right now when he’d always been good to her, as well as you, whenever she was here, and not either at home, out with her other friends, or stuck at Northshore high. “Would anybody like a coffee, at all, or-?” He asked, and Mrs. George would practically jump on the idea, before she looked toward her daughter, only for her to continue protesting again; she wouldn’t accept anything, until she was allowed to see you.

“I’m fine,” she claimed dismissively, her mother frowning over at her, but she wouldn’t pay her any attention as your Uncle nodded patiently; respectfully, before he continued to the kettle to begin the process of making himself as well as Mrs. George a coffee - it was needed to keep them awake, of course, considering it was already so late, by now, for the two of them, whilst Regina’s energy was coming completely from her telling herself she wouldn’t do anything, until she was allowed to see you and make sure that you were okay, the way she feared you weren’t, alone right now, after you’d broken down over the phone the way you had still for a reason currently unbeknownst to her, during this moment in time.

“So, what - what happened with this call I’m only just hearing about?” Mrs. George inquired, and your Uncle would tense up, before warily looking back toward Regina and her mother.

“Y/n called me,” Regina answered, her voice a little dejected as she averted her gaze down to her hands again, “I thought you knew that-”

“No, I just - I didn’t know; I thought she messaged you, or something,” Mrs. George explained apologetically, as well as a little exasperatedly again, “I’m sorry, honey, but I didn’t - what happened on the call?”

“She was scared,” she replied again, a pained expression on her face as she had to try and swallow the lump forming within her throat again, “I could tell, she was - she-”

“She was taken, a few years ago,” your Uncle revealed, his voice barely audible, and both Regina and Mrs. George would fall quiet, looking over at him with wide eyes, before he sighed heavily, and brought over the two mugs to the table.

“Taken?” Regina managed, her heart feeling as if it were being squeezed for a moment as her voice threatened to tremble, your Uncle nodding gravely as he slowly sat back down opposite them, wrapping his hands around the mug as if he were seeking comfort from it, somehow - it was something he would forever and always hate having to talk about; hate having to even think about, or being reminded of, but he guessed some things were just doomed to stick with you forever, somehow.

“I guess she-.. well, it haunts the both of us, sometimes,” he admitted gravely, Regina and Mrs. George clinging to his every word, “you see, she was still quite small, when it happened; after the divorce, and her father had started drinking, she was alone a lot of the time, and this man, he-.. he broke into the house, the police said, and when he saw her..” Your Uncle faltered, his voice briefly trembling as he lifted his mug to his lips for a moment, needing something to try and help him hold himself together for them, as well as you; you needed him to stay strong now, more than ever, he believed, considering you were still being haunted by the man who’d taken you the way he did. “Well, he-.. you can imagine, what he did, right? It was a few days, at least, almost a week, or two,” he continued, after a little while he’d taken to recompose himself, knowing he had to continue at some point, feeling it was owed to Regina to know what had prompted you to break down the way you did, not too long ago, now, after the nightmare you’d had, “before the police found her - she hardly..” His voice broke again as he murmured a shaky and quick apology, secret tears clouding his vision, only making Regina feel worse for suspecting him a brief moment ago of hurting you and scaring you the way she feared he did earlier. “Let’s just say,” he managed after drawing in a sharp breath; another sip of his coffee, his head still partially bowed, “his voice, tonight, brought back memories for her, of dark rooms, and broken bones.” He sighed again, this time a little more strained as he smiled sadly up at the both of them, before bowing his head once more a little, feeling more small tears beginning to cloud his vision as he did, but neither of them dared say anything for a moment, until he continued. “It always does,” he added dejectedly, his voice close to a whisper, and Regina frowned as she started piecing things together, her eyes darkening whilst she did.

When she felt as if she could, she hastily lifted her head, leaning forward in her chair as she did, surprising her mother as she looked over at Regina, evidently startled by her previous moment beside her.

“Can I see her? Please?” She requested, her voice full of a new urgency; a more anxious desperation, and your Uncle would hesitate, before sighing again, and looking toward the staircase - he guess he did tell her that she could earlier, after all.

🜚

“She likes you, you know that, right?” Your Uncle stated, as he and Regina lingered by the door to your bedroom, a relieved, but still pained expression on her face as she looked over you to make sure that you were okay, now; that you weren’t scared anymore, or hadn’t somehow got yourself wounded in your previous bout of fright - you seemed okay, and it was only when she’d made such a determination that she could breathe again.

Regina hesitantly glanced up at him, though she didn’t like much the idea of looking away the way she just had, feeling as if she should to make it known that she was listening to him, just to avoid being disrespectful, especially considering he was your Uncle, only making her feel like - even more - she should treat him with respect, too, considering she could tell he’d always looked after you, as well as always been good to her ever since she’d joined the stable hand program earlier this year.

“She does?” She replied, her voice light, whilst a soft smile played on her lips - sometimes she got this weird feeling as if she were afraid that she might lose you, somehow, exactly like the one she’d experienced earlier, after the call had ended the way it did, and she couldn’t explain it; she just never wanted things to change; just wanted to stay here, with you, and the thought would fluster her a little as she winced, and hastily averted her gaze to try and hide that blood was rushing up to her cheeks for a reason unbeknownst to her, even as she was stood where she was right now, hardly able to keep her eyes off of your sleeping frame.

“She does,” your Uncle repeated, smiling warmly back at Regina as he rested his left hand upon her right shoulder - a silent thank you, until he could muster up a true one once he’d recomposed himself once more, still thinking about what that man had done to you years ago to the point it was unbearable; overwhelmingly excruciatingly, as well as frustrating, but he couldn’t let it get to him too long, not now, “and she hardly likes anyone - sometimes I’m not sure she even likes me, but I suppose I don’t blame her.”

“She likes you,” she reassured him gently, the words escaping her lips before she even knew that she was allowing them to; she didn’t want him to think that you thought bad things about him for what happened all those years ago, “I’ve seen what it’s like, Y/n not liking someone, and the way she is around you, is not that.”

“Is that so?” Your Uncle responded, and she could hear that he was smiling, making her feel a little better; warmer, and brighter, to know that she’d made him feel better, as he should considering he’d been the only one taking care of you even before your parents had divorced the way they did years ago, now. She hummed in agreement, certain of herself, and he would express relief, his eyes glinting a little as he smiled back at you, glad to see that you were sleeping peacefully, at the moment, whilst also being overjoyed to hear such words from Regina; he hated doubting that you at least trusted him after what had been done to you, but sometimes it just hit him - hard - and completely at random, but somehow he felt it wouldn’t happen anymore, now, or at least he hoped against hope that it wouldn’t, now that Regina had made such a revelation about you. “I’m glad,” he continued quietly; thoughtfully, before he turned to face her fully, and she would appear a little nervous, looking over at him again as she wondered what he may be about to say; whether he was about to kick her out, or about to leave you and her alone together, though she couldn’t imagine why either possibilities scared her as much as they seemed to, “but not just because of your kind words, Ms. George. You see, Y/n’s never really smiled, and didn’t talk as much as she does, now, and I think it’s because of you - that’s why I’m not only grateful for your words, and reassurance, but-.. I’m also grateful that-..” He fell quiet again, trying to stop his voice trembling for a moment whilst Regina smiled sympathetically over at him; she could see this was a struggle for him in more ways than one, after all he’d had to go through alongside you regarding your parents’ divorce, and then you disappearing shortly after it had taken place - if she were in his position, she herself didn’t know what she’d do, nor did she know if she’d even be able to fare if she had to go through what you had had to, even if it had been a while ago that you’d been taken the way you had, now. “Y/n,” he concluded gently, “I’m grateful she has you, above anything else - keep doing what you do, won’t you? Not only for me, but for you, and Y/n, too - you need each other, I can see that; we all need someone, don’t we?”

“I won’t disappoint you, nor will I ever let Y/n down, I promise,” Regina vowed, her voice firm, but still gentle, and close to a whisper; she herself feared breaking down somehow in front of him, as well as you, whilst another part of her was afraid of waking you up, and having you get scared again, “c-can I-..” She sighed, before awkwardly averting her gaze; it was difficult for her to get the words out, right now, though she wanted more than anything to stay here with you, at least just for tonight, so she could protect you, if only he’d let her. “I know this might be a lot for me to ask, but-.. can I-.. can I stay here, tonight, with - with her?” She managed, the question coming out faster than she thought it would, just because she was scared she would break down, or just start stammering again if she voiced it any slower, but your Uncle just smiled softly, a thoughtful look on his face, before he nodded slowly, prompting Regina’s eyes to glint, before she smiled sheepishly over at him, feeling lighter than she ever had before.

“Sure,” he answered simply, “I’m sure your mother wouldn’t mind, just - call me, if Y/n-.. y’know, has another nightmare, and I’ll take over for you, but I hope it doesn’t come to that.”

Regina would wince, before nodding hastily, and managing a quick as well as barely audible ‘will do’, before your Uncle left the room, and disappeared back down the stairs, leaving her alone in the room with you.

🜚

At first, she didn’t know what to do with herself, warily looking over at you again as she subconsciously fidgeted with her fingers, before she inched closer to you, and carefully sat down upon your bed beside you. You were so peaceful; so quiet, that she even subconsciously made sure that you were still breathing, worried for a moment that you’d stopped because you were so limp, but your chest was still rising and falling steadily. She smiled softly, before laying down beside you quietly, wanting to make sure that - by staying as close to you as she possibly could be - you were safe; that you weren’t being plagued by another nightmare, but it relieved her to see you so peaceful that you couldn’t be being tortured by your memories again - at least she hoped you weren’t, of course there was no way to be able to tell if you were, or weren’t in the process of being plunged into such a nightmare again.

“Y/n?” She cooed, wanting to make sure that you were asleep, and weren’t - also - pretending to be asleep to trick her at the same time, though she felt bad for asking, when she saw you so peaceful, the way that you were, now. It relieved her to not achieve a response from you, but at the same time it also pained her a little to know that she’d have to wait until morning to speak to you, as long as you didn’t awaken from a nightmare again before then.

🜸

“Your daughter,” your Uncle began, as he re-entered the kitchen where Mrs. George was currently sitting, still drinking her coffee whilst she anxiously waited for Regina to come back downstairs, clearly unaware of her daughter’s decision, during this moment in time, “she’s decided she wants to stay upstairs with Y/n, if that’s okay with you?”

She sat up, surprised, before setting her phone back down upon the table to turn toward your Uncle, whilst she tried to hide that she was slightly perturbed by this revelation, only because she’d not been expecting it, and had been keen to get home.

“Sure,” she replied, injecting at least some brightness into her voice; she knew how much you meant to her daughter, and she didn’t want to force Regina away from you, “why not?”

Your Uncle nodded, before smiling softly over at her, as he took his coat off of the hanger again, knowing he should make sure the horses were asleep, by now, before retiring for the night.

“Now that we both know about your daughter, and my niece,” he continued, as he took up his flashlight, “I figure maybe we should fully introduce ourselves, what do you say?”

Mrs. George appeared taken aback, evidently surprised by his suggestion, but she’d feel guilty if she turned it down, and didn’t see any particular reason as to why she should as she smiled warmly over at him, and got up out of her seat, before she held out her right hand, and said: “June.”

🜸

It didn’t take long for Regina to get comfortable, but almost as soon as she had, carefully wrapping her arms around you, you tensed up within her embrace, whimpering barely audibly as your eyelids began to flutter open a bit, though they were still heavy. Regina winced, hastily closing her eyes as if it would help her to pretend that she were asleep, but that didn’t stop you from carefully turning around within her arms.

“R-Reg?” You managed, your voice close to a whisper, and she would falter upon hearing your voice, hastily glancing over at you as she locked eyes with you for a moment, her heart skipping a beat.

“Hi,” she replied sleepily, unable to hold back a smile from you as you admired her subconsciously, your heart pounding alongside her own, “I - I’m sorry, I just wanted-.. I came to make sure you’re okay; that - that you’re happy - I was worried about you.”

You frowned, a pained expression on your face, before you looked away, and turned a little away from her, lying upon your back instead of your left side.

“You shouldn’t have been,” you responded dejectedly, “I-.. I shouldn’t have called you, I just-.. I - I wanted to hear your voice, and-.. and to-.. to tell you that I-.. that you mean a lot to me, a-and that if I got taken away, you should-..”

Regina shook her head subconsciously, before lifting her left hand up to your right cheek; she wasn’t sure why - it just felt right, and part of her wanted to feel how soft your cheeks looked.

“I could never forget you,” she stated, and you would falter, your head turning toward her own again, and for a moment you both just locked eyes again, your hearts beating as one; the air growing hotter between you both, and for a moment you wondered if you were floating, even as you glanced down at her lips, and she at your partially agape ones, until she finally leaned forward, and allowed her own to connect with your’s.

🜸

“You like horses, don’t you, June?” Cal - Your Uncle - asked Regina’s mother, as she surveyed them all peacefully, trying not to get too excited or skittish around them; she’d always liked horses - well, the ones that weren’t a few hands taller than her, which she often considered to be intimidating as well as scary, somehow, even with their hairy hooves and often calm demeanour.

“Sure, I like them,” she answered, as she warily tucked a stray piece of her hair behind her right ear. “It’s only the really big ones that make me feel uncomfortable,” she added, and Cal couldn’t help, but chuckle, before he stopped before Firenze’s stall, your Black Leopard Chimera Friesian, who appeared to currently be half asleep, if Felicity, your White Friesian wasn’t currently bothering him the way that she was.

“You wouldn’t like Y/n’s horses, then,” he stated, before gesticulating toward them whilst June cautiously watched him approach their stall doors - he only stopped briefly in front of Firenze’s, before passing toward Felicity’s, seeing he needed to try and relax her, somehow, for her makeshift sibling’s sake - they certainly acted as if they were siblings, squabbling the way that they did, whether they were of the same bloodline, or not.

June hesitated, not sure what to make of them as Felicity whinnied as well as snorted at Cal, before playfully trying to nibble at his fingers, just like she tended to try and do whenever you were around her, too. Firenze was certainly the calmer of the two, except from when you were out riding with him - as soon as you’re in the saddle, and out on the field with him, he tended to like bolting almost as much as Felicity did.

“I - I mean,” June began again quietly, trying to hide that she was a little nervous around them, as she inched closer to Felicity’s stall, being encouraged to by Cal as he stroked the mare’s mane, “they’re certainly - interesting looking horses.”

“Cross-bred, I fear,” Cal admitted sympathetically, “we decided at an auction to rescue them from whatever hell-hole they must have came from, before.”

“How very - considerate, of you,” June remarked, and Cal would hum softly in agreement, before smiling his thanks over at her.

“Well, it did start off as being Y/n’s idea,” he revealed, as Felicity tried to nibble at his fingers again, whilst Firenze surveyed the group peacefully, “but-..” He sighed, a pained expression crossing his face again as he looked away from June; a look similar to the one he’d been holding and trying to hide from them earlier, whilst he was telling her and her daughter about what had happened to you, a few years ago, now. “I remember she told me she wanted to rescue as many horses as she possibly could, when she was a little girl, and at the time of that auction these two were almost as small as she was - she took one look at them and knew something wasn’t right; I remember she tugged on my sleeve, and was almost crying when I turned to look at her, and she never got to see them growing from the foals that they were, into these two beauties, by the time she could come back - life kept her away from me, you see, with the divorce; her being taken..” He trailed off, his eyes darkening again as Felicity nuzzled at his hand, no longer making any attempt at all to nibble at his fingers the way that she was, before, sensing his sadness, as well as frustration at how he’d not been able to do anymore than he had tried to help you, before, but he guessed that that was years ago, now, and that he shouldn’t be dwelling on it anymore, but it was too hard to forget, and too easy to remember.

“I understand,” June expressed, smiling sadly at Cal as she leaned against the stall door beside him, Felicity eyeing her curiously, “it’s hard, losing the people you really care about.” Cal would nod gravely as he stared ahead of him thoughtfully, June tensing up a little beside him as she thought about how she’d actually miscarried, a few years after Regina had been born. “Regina had a little sister, named Kylie,” she began timidly, her voice barely audible as Cal surveyed her, listening to every word whilst Felicity seemed to grow a little more comfortable around June, her blue eyes trained on her, before they occasionally flickered to Cal, or even Firenze as he lightly snored in the stall beside her, “she didn’t get a chance, at life - I-.. I miscarried, when.. when I thought she’d survive.. I guess the doctors did warn me, but..” She drew in a shaky breath, and Cal would frown, trying to provide comfort to her by wrapping his arms around her, as she tried to continue, only to break down, and return the embrace, crying quietly into his left shoulder. “Regina, she - she doesn’t talk about her, but,” June managed shakily, her voice close to a feeble whisper, “I know she thinks about her, even if she tries to hide it from me; she was excited, too, at the idea of having a little sister - she really was, a-and I really tried; I swear I did, but-”

“There was nothing that you could have done, Mrs. George,” Cal reassured her gently, as he rubbed her back to try and soothe her even more, Felicity still looking on at them, “these things, they just-.. just seem to - happen, when you least expect, or want them to; life can be cruel, but love - I’ve learnt - love can be crueler.”

🜸

“Shit,” Regina whispered, after she pulled away, wincing as she silently cursed herself for losing control like she just had, allowing herself to kiss you, but it was hard for her to deny that it wasn’t something she’d been wanting to do, and feel for a while.

You frowned, feeling empty ever since the kiss had ended, and you couldn’t bear to see the pained expression on her face, as if she didn’t feel the butterflies fluttering within the depths of her stomach the way they were your’s, right now.

“You-.. You didn’t like it, did you?” You guessed, your voice barely audible as you stared over at her with dark eyes, prompting her heart to sink as she averted her gaze, subconsciously sitting up as she did beside you, only making you feel worse; you guessed you shouldn’t have expected anything more, or else to happen, when she kissed you the way she did, and you’d melted into her touch - you only wished that things that felt so perfect could hurt less, as the pain you were currently trying to hide from her was next to unbearable; excruciating, but it wasn’t something new to you, as you - too - forced yourself to look away, staring dejectedly up at the ceiling as she tried to recompose herself, her breathing pattern unnaturally staggered, and uneven, whilst her heart pounded overwhelmingly alongside your own.

“This is-.. I - I’m not-.. I-.. fuck-!” She concluded, finding she couldn’t quite get the right words out; she didn’t know how to feel, right now - the kiss she’d just shared with you was like no other that she’d ever been part of, before, and it terrified her. As soon as her lips had been against your’s, it was like the whole world just fell away; it was just you two, alone, as if you both were the last two people on earth; like she was a lit firework, desperate to soar even higher - it had filled her with energy; elation, to be with you like that; to have her lips brushing against your own, and it was hard more than anything else had ever been before, for her to not turn back around, and initiate an even deeper kiss. “I didn’t think-..” She continued weakly, as she forced herself up off of the bed, whilst you silently begged her with everything within you to stay. “I’m sorry, Y/n, okay?” She managed, noticing the worried as well as hurt look on your face whilst she lingered by your bedroom door, as if she were about to slip through it, and get away from you as fast as she possibly could, if only something wasn’t gluing her to where she was stood, right now, for a reason unbeknownst to her. “I can’t do this; I can’t stay; I can’t kiss you - I don’t know why I thought I could, o-or should, I just-.. you understand, right? T-There’s Shane, a-and this is all - this is all so confusing, I just-”

“It’s fine,” you reassured her gently, though she could hear in your voice the pain you were currently trying to harbour from her, “don’t worry about it, okay? I should-.. I should get back to sleep, but-..”

“Right,” Regina agreed, before wincing again, as if she’d forgotten so easily, after she’d allowed herself to kiss you the way she did, a brief moment ago; it was like she’d forgotten a lot of things, until the kiss had sadly been broken - something she couldn’t help, but hate herself for. “S-Sorry,” she added, her voice barely audible again, before she drew in a shaky breath, and you smiled sadly up at her. “I-.. I should-”

“Don’t let me keep you,” you stated, and she would frown, before nodding gravely, and bowing her head.

“I hope you sleep well,” she replied, and you would wince, doubting that you would, especially now, but you didn’t dare show her the pained expression on your face that would suggest otherwise, after you’d nodded and forced a smile again.

“You too,” you returned awkwardly, though your heart was aching excruciatingly still alongside her own, to the point that you wished you could just tear it out of your chest, and break it apart in your hands, before offering the remaining pieces to her, whether she wanted them, or not; you’d never stop dreaming of a life with her - that’s all you knew, now.

“Thanks,” she responded gently, trying not to allow her voice to tremble as she avoided eye contact with you for a moment, before bowing her head completely as she shuffled awkwardly on the spot, “w-well, goodnight, a-and I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, won’t I?”

The question felt more like a plead, and you couldn’t help, but surrender to it, your eyes widening a little, before you nodded hastily, not wanting her to think that you’d abandon her like that, though it didn’t sound like a bad idea to just try and get yourself to disappear, somehow, after what had just occurred between you both a brief moment ago, before this moment in time.

“I - I’ll be there, tomorrow,” you reassured, your voice briefly cracking, and she would express relief, before smiling her thanks to you, though all she could manage right now was a faint one, through the pain she was currently experiencing alongside you for a reason unbeknownst to her, “a-and here, after school, y’know, d-doing what I usually do, so-..”

“Good,” she mused thoughtfully; gratefully, “that’s - that’s good - I’m.. I’m glad, I-.. I’ll see you there, o-or here, I-..” She awkwardly cleared her throat, before managing another timid smile in your direction. “See you tomorrow, Y/n,” she concluded gently, before drawing in another strained breath, and dragging herself from the room.

🜸

“I think she likes you,” Cal stated, as Felicity whinnied at June, before allowing her to begin scratching at her left ear, all whilst she leaned into her touch, but before either of them could continue, Firenze seemed jealous, waking up shortly after in response to the commotion, before he got up off of the ground, and neither for Cal to stroke him, too, as well as his makeshift sister.

“You do?” June mused, subconsciously smiling over at him, not worried anymore that Felicity might nibble at her fingers the way she feared the mare would, before, seeing her all playful with Cal, earlier.

“Without a doubt,” Cal answered, “that’s unusual, for her, as well as her brother - they’re comfortable around me and Y/n, and understandably so, but around other people, except for you and your daughter, they seem-.. anxious - that’s why I only really allow myself or Y/n to ride them, outside of the arenas - well, only when there’s a lesson going on inside.”

“I see,” June responded thoughtfully, “so they’re that difficult, huh?”

“They can be,” he agreed hesitantly, “but not if you show them who’s the boss, as well as treat them with the respect that they deserve - isn’t that right, guys?”

“If only they had a better upbringing,” June mused sympathetically, and Cal would nod gravely beside her.

“They’ll get there, someday, I hope,” Cal continued gently, as he began stroking at Firenze’s left ear, “I have faith, Mrs. George, and faith is what will get us all through to where we need to go, in the end-”

“Mom? Mr. L/n?” Regina called, hugging herself as she walked toward the stable, shivering a little - the wind was picking up even more, somehow, since she’d left.

June would falter upon hearing her daughter’s voice, looking toward the double doors, whilst Cal seemed to tense up behind her, his eyes full of worry, as well as the concern he was currently holding for both you and Regina, wondering if you had had another nightmare, and that’s why she’d left all of a sudden, though he couldn’t imagine why the sleep medication would have worn off so fast, especially to enable you to be plunged into another nightmare like he assumed you had been, until Regina had rushed inside, looking shaken up, as well as a little guilty, her eyes dark, and hands barely visibly trembling at her sides.

June didn’t hesitate to - upon noticing the state her daughter was currently in - to rush over to Regina, before throwing her arms around her.

“What’s wrong, sweetie? You’re cold, we should get you inside before you get sick - is it Y/n?” She questioned, whilst Cal warily approached the both of them, Firenze and Felicity going back to squabbling rather than watching the group.

Regina didn’t know what to say, at first, hiding her face from the both of them as she neglected to return her mother’s embrace, finding herself unable to move for a moment as guilt positively consumed her; she wished she’d never left your side, now, especially the way she had, leaving you so dejected and confused, whilst she tried not to meet your Uncle’s worried gaze; she didn’t want to tell him what had happened; didn’t want to tell him that that was why she was leaving - that she was scared of how the kiss had made her feel, especially when she had been the one to initiate it in the first place.

So many questions were circling in her mind to the point that there had never been anything more overwhelming - whilst her mother tried to get answer after answer out of her, there were whispers of why she’d let herself kiss you, in the first place; whispers of why you’d returned the kiss, and - above all of them - why she had enjoyed it, more than she had ever enjoyed any other kiss she’d ever shared with anyone else.

“Is she okay?” Cal asked, and she only felt worse, hearing his voice briefly cracking; she’d never intended to worry him like that, remembering the promise she’d made him to never let you down, whilst she couldn’t help, but think about the day she’d found you having a panic attack within the stable, when you were least expecting yourself to.

She was meant to be mucking up with you again, at the time, as she rushed toward the stable, trudging through the mud that had formed after the rain had poured down heavily that day - the lessons had all been cancelled, because of it, she remembered being disappointed about, but she understood why. Only the stable hands were allowed to come by, and past the information point, but there weren’t many so it was quite quiet, but - in a way - she liked how quiet it was, mostly because she knew it would be rare, then, for anyone to come by and interrupt her incoming time with you, and the soft smile would probably never have left her face, if she didn’t hear someone sounding like you crying inside.

As soon as she heard you, her heart dropped, and smile faded as she lingered by the door for a moment, not sure what to do; why it hurt so much, to hear you like that, and she worried that maybe it would be intrusive of her to go inside, now, whilst you were in a state like that, but something pushed her to open the doors before she could even think to go and get your Uncle, instead. She had to see you; she didn’t want to leave you alone like that, and her legs took over for her, before her doubts could.

She appeared nervous, as well as concerned, her eyes darkening as soon as her gaze fell upon you, curled up, and crying against the back wall, a shovel laid down to your right beside you, only worrying her even more as she wondered if you’d somehow hurt yourself, or had fallen over whilst she was gone, as she rushed up to you, and crouched down beside you, her heart pounding alongside your own, faster than it ever had before.

“Y/n?” She strained out, her voice briefly trembling, and full of dread as she reached out to cradle your body close to her own, but you moved away before she could get any closer, evidently startled, and somehow scared of her for a reason unbeknownst to her, as if she were instead a figment of a horrible memory, rather than your friend, prompting her heart to sink and ache even further, as if it were being squeezed tightly within her chest at the very thought, of having you react to her in the way that you currently were, terrified of her, and shaking visibly against the wall.

The horses around you both seemed a little agitated, as well, upon seeing you in such a state, especially Firenze and Felicity as they looked on curiously at you both, their eyes also full of worry, whilst an occasional whinny came from their direction as if they were trying to get either you, or Regina’s attention

“G-Get away from me!” You cried, your voice close to a shaky whisper that might soon break down alongside you, as if everything within you was collapsing, somehow; your very core was being shaken by what you thought you’d seen, a brief moment ago.

Regina subconsciously shook her head, a hurt look on her face as she inched closer to you; she knew you didn’t mean it - that this wasn’t you seeing what was really in front of you. At the time, your Uncle had warned her of how you were liable to having panic attacks, but they weren’t very common, and were often easily rectified if ever in an emergency situation like if you ever had one during a riding lesson with the students your Uncle allowed into the place.

“Y/n, it’s me,” she cooed, her voice ever so gentle, and you would hesitate, before glancing up at her, your breathing slowing down as soon as your tearful and sore gaze fell upon her.

“R-Regina?” You managed, and she couldn’t help, but breathe a sigh of relief, her eyes glinting whilst a soft smile tugged at the corners of her lips again, brightening her up like a lighthouse would the ocean, and you couldn’t help, but get lost in her eyes, feeling safer around her than you ever had with anyone else before.

“You’re okay,” she continued, and you wouldn’t hesitate to collapse into her arms as she drew you close to her, once you allowed her to, and had recognised her to be - well, her, and not your kidnapper, all those years ago, “I promise - you’re safe here, and you always will be, no matter what.”

“I thought-..” You whispered feebly, your voice still shaking, whilst you tried to calm yourself down, focussing on her warmth to the best of her ability, rather than the picture of your kidnapper breaking into your room, a flashlight in his hand, whilst he held a crowbar in his other one. You drew in a shaky breath, clinging to her jacket tighter as you whimpered quietly, fighting back another strained sob to the best of your ability. “Him,” you managed again weakly, “I thought I saw him.”

You then winced, remembering she didn’t know about what had happened to you, before - well, she knew about everything regarding the divorce, but nothing about the kidnapping, so to speak.

“Him?” Regina mused, a pained expression on her face whilst you sniffled barely audibly against her left shoulder, not daring to glance up at her for fear of what she’d think of you; of what she’d achieve out of you - she had that kind of effect on you; the one that made you feel like you could tell her anything, and everything, and the truth was so close on your lips, but you couldn’t let it slip out; you never wanted to think, or even talk about it, ever again, if only your brain would allow you to forget it, forever, after today.

“My dad,” you managed, instead, trying to hide that it had relieved you, to be able to lie, like you just had, “I saw him - he - he was drinking again, he-.. he was shouting, a-and I-.. I-”

“It’s okay,” she reassured you again hastily, not wanting you to panic anymore than you already had as she lifted her right hand up to the back of your head, allowing her to stroke your hair, soothing you more than you thought possible as you drew in a barely audible breath again, and buried your face into the crook of her neck, prompting her to shudder a little, but she tried to hide that you’d flustered her as she pretended to cough, and you appeared a little dejected, closing your eyes tightly to try and fight back the remaining of your tears, “I’m here - I’m here, Y/n, a-and I’m always gonna be here for you, I promise, I-.. no matter what; he isn’t here anymore, and he can never hurt you again - I’d never let him; he wouldn’t ever be able to even touch a hair on your head, I swear, because he wouldn’t get through me - I swear on my life that he wouldn’t; you trust me, don’t you?”

You would appear taken aback by the question, before nodding hastily, sniffling again, and locking eyes with her, making your heart feel as if it had stopped, for a moment, as you tried not to get lost within her orbs again.

“M-More than anything,” you answered, without hesitation, “I - I’ve trusted you ever since I first met you, Reg.”

“Good,” she replied, evidently relieved to hear as much, before she smiled timidly over at you, prompting your heart to skip a beat, and you to forget how to breathe for a moment - how to even function, if she didn’t affectionately connect her forehead to your own, in an attempt to further provide comfort to you, seeing that you needed it still for a reason unbeknownst to her, “I’m glad, because - because I’ve also trusted you ever since I first met you, too - you’re-.. a really good friend; you always have been, and I wanna repay you for being here for me the way you have been.”

You tried to hide that the words ‘really good friend’ had dejected you, prompting you to smile half-heartedly back at her whilst your eyes darkened, and heart squeezed within your chest, feeling as if someone were trying to tear it to pieces somehow, whilst all you could do was watch, and feel it get broken in so many more ways in one, no matter how close you and Regina currently were - the pain would never go away, not until you stopped dreaming of a life with her, as well as stopped being plunged into nightmares about your past - something you feared could never happen, no matter how much you wanted it to. Besides - even if you were reluctant to let your dreams concerning her go - you knew that someone as perfect as her could never feel the same way for someone like you, could they?

‘I’m always gonna be here for you, I promise.’ Her own words kept circling her mind, even as Cal inched closer, his hands trembling a little whilst June, her mother, held her at arm’s length, tears slowly beginning to stream down her cheeks again.

“She’s fine,” Regina managed, barely audibly, her heart pounding uncomfortably again as she averted her gaze down to the ground once more, as soon as Cal expressed relief, before bowing his own head alongside her; he’d evidently been afraid that maybe you’d had a nightmare again, and freaked out on her, but it didn’t completely take his dread away, considering she was here, and not still up there with you.

“That’s good,” June mused, her voice gentle, and eyes never leaving her daughter, as if she were trying to search for the answer upon her to why she’d left you so suddenly, when you’d not even had a nightmare like they feared you had, as soon as they laid eyes upon her so shaken up again, “but-”

“Don’t,” she interjected, her eyes widening, voice trembling, whilst she tried not to allow a strained sob to escape her; talking wasn’t helping, when she was on the verge of breaking down again, “please.”

June winced, before smiling apologetically back at Cal, who sighed barely audibly, before nodding gravely back at her; he understood - it was difficult, and he didn’t want to force Regina in any way, shape, or form, to tell either of them about what had happened when she was set completely against doing so, for a reason unbeknownst to herself as well as the two before her. In a way, it felt like it was something dangling upon the tip of her tongue; she longed to tell people, in secret, that she’d kissed you, and that scared her - it was almost like an addiction, because at the same time she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to share any detail, at all, instead of going back upstairs to do it all over again.

She drew in a sharp breath, wishing she could stop thinking, and not just about the kiss, but also about how much she’d relaxed into it; how it made her feel - she couldn’t stop thinking about you, about all the times you’d smiled sheepishly in her direction, causing her heart to jump somehow in her chest, whilst she began to feel warm and fuzzy each time. She thought about all the times she held you, and you held her, and it was almost enough to make her smile softly down at the ground, until she remembered what had happened between you both a brief moment ago, and how it had ended; how she’d pulled away, and cursed herself for feeling anything for you, without you actually knowing that she did, and feared she always had.

June awkwardly cleared her throat, looking between Regina and your Uncle for a moment whilst she tried to think about the right words to say, now, after what had just happened, with her fleeing your room the way that she had.

“Maybe we should-”

“It might be for the best,” Cal interrupted dejectedly, and June would frown, before nodding gravely, whilst Regina didn’t dare say another word, not sure what to do with herself, now; not sure what to even feel, or think, anymore, now that she’d allowed herself to kiss you the way that she did, “but you can always come around another time, if you want to.”

“T-The place is gonna be open tomorrow, right?” Regina asked, her voice close to a whisper, and Cal would tense up, before nodding slowly, and smiling apologetically in her direction. “And Y/n’ll be-?” She continued, just to make sure.

“She’ll be here,” he reassured her, his eyes still warm regardless of what had just happened between her and you, as well as after the conversation she had had with him, promising that she wouldn’t let either you, or him down, “even if it rains - I take it we’ll still see you tomorrow, then, won’t we, Ms. George?”

“Yes,” Regina answered, without hesitation this time, and Cal would nod as well as smile his thanks to her, glad to see she at least wasn’t giving up on you, even though he and her mother still didn’t know why things had evidently changed the way they had.

“Then we’ll see you tomorrow,” he concluded gently, “goodnight, both of you, and I hope to see both of you again soon, outside of work and riding hours, if you ever wanna come around again.”

🜚

“What was that?” June questioned, once she and her daughter had left the barn, as well as Cal inside it, walking hastily back toward the car mostly because of Regina’s fast pace, but it didn’t stop her from occasionally as well as guilty and dejectedly glancing up at the house you were still meant to be sleeping within.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Regina answered simply, her voice barely audible, and sounding strained, as if she were struggling to hold herself together; struggling to stop it from trembling, even now; even after she’d kissed you, something she’d been subconsciously dreaming of doing for a while, now, only to find herself panicking, and drawing back the way she did though it had been one of the most blissful feelings she’d ever experienced before, to have her lips slot perfectly against your own.

“That might be the case, Regina, but I think this is something we should talk about,” her mother contradicted, and Regina would tense up, wincing, as she bowed her head, and hugged her arms closer to her chest, “why did you leave like that? Did Y/n do something to you?”

Regina faltered in place, her legs failing as she stopped in place, her eyes darkening; she couldn’t let you take the fall for her, even if it wouldn’t change how she felt, to have you kiss her, like she’d kissed you a brief moment ago.

“No,” she answered, without hesitation, sounding a little exasperated as she turned sharply on her mother, “she - she didn’t, she-..” She couldn’t stop it, small tears leaking from her eyes as her mother surveyed her curiously, evidently concerned, even as her daughter defended you, and she was still unaware of what had happened between you both. “I-.. It was me, okay?” She admitted weakly, and June’s expression would soften, her eyes growing a little warmer as she tilted her head partially, before lifting her hands up to her daughter’s shoulders.

“It’s okay,” she cooed gently, as Regina gradually began to break down.

“I did it-”

“Don’t cry, sweetie, it’s okay,” June continued in a softer voice as she drew her daughter into her arms, “just tell me what happened, and I’ll try and help you - I promise I will; the damage can’t be that bad, can it?”

“I kissed her,” she answered, in a voice close to a whisper, and June would fall quiet for a moment, realising.

“That’s okay,” she reassured her, and Regina would hesitate, before glancing up at her mother with a pained expression on her face, “h-how did it seem, to you?”

She would appear confused by the question, as well as a little further flustered by it, wincing again, before she bowed her head, and shuffled awkwardly upon the spot whilst she continued to try and swallow the lump back within her throat.

“W-What do you mean?” Regina inquired, as if she didn’t know, but her mother wouldn’t give in - not yet.

“You know what I mean, honey,” June insisted, her eyes trying to meet her daughter’s again, if only they’d let her, “how did the kiss feel, to you? Did you like it?”

“That’s irrelevant,” Regina contradicted, before pulling out of her mother’s embrace, and continuing toward the car, but June continued along the way, rushing after her daughter no matter how fast she walked ahead of her.

“Oh, c’mon, sweetie,” she pried, “I know you, and if you just talk to me about it, maybe I could help you!”

“Well you’re not helping me,” Regina spat, her voice briefly cracking as she opened the right back door of her mother’s car.

“Then tell me how I can help you-”

“You can help me, by shutting up,” she hissed, and June would falter, before nodding gravely, and appearing a little dejected, prompting Regina to falter, and sigh heavily as she looked away from her mother, not sure what had made her snap like that, but - all she knew now - was that she needed to be careful, around you, for her own sake, as much as your’s.

🜸

‘Well you’re not helping me!’ You heard Regina snap at her mother from a few paces below your bedroom window, prompting your heart to sink as you warily inched closer to the wall, before getting up off of your bed to sneak a glance at the two of them outside of their car.

Your lips tingled a little, as you thought back to the kiss, your heart skipping a beat, before it dropped and felt as if it were being squeezed excruciatingly all over again. You drew in a strained, shaky, and barely audible breath, your eyes darkening as you bowed your head a little, before releasing the curtain from your left hand; you shouldn’t dwell on it any longer, especially when you doubted anyone as perfect as her could feel anything for you, too.

“Y/n?” Cal began gently, his voice full of concern again as well as sympathy; he could tell that you were in pain, your shoulders tensing up a little as you glanced back at him, a lump forming within your throat as you scowled shook your head, small tears clouding your vision.

“It wasn’t her,” you claimed, without hesitation, “it - it wasn’t-”

“It’s okay,” he reassured you, a pained expression on his face as he drew closer to you slowly, the car outside slowly beginning to pull out of the drive-way, its wheels crackling upon the gravel, filling up the rest of the painful silence that passed between you both, until you felt able to speak up again.

“It’s not!” You cried, and you couldn’t hold it back anymore, steadily beginning to break down as he wrapped his arms around you, strained sobs slipping from your lips as you shook within his embrace, before returning it tightly, unable to stop thinking about her, and how her lips were so soft against your own, only making the pain worse than it was, before. “It was me! I scared her away; I kissed her,” you added hoarsely, and Cal would realise, his heart sinking alongside your own at such a revelation; he didn’t think Regina would reject you like that, but he held no hatred for anyone, but your father, and the man who had kidnapped you - he knew she must have her reasons, and she did, “it was all me; my fault; m-my stupid brain - she probably hates me, now-”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Cal contradicted hastily, not wanting you to think something like that as he held you at arms length, “I can see that she doesn’t; she probably just-.. needs some time, to think about things, but she told me herself that she’d be back, hopefully tomorrow, if that’s okay?”

You would appear taken aback, your heart skipping a beat, before you glanced up at him, sniffled quietly, and lifted your right hand up to wipe your eyes, but it didn’t stop the smaller tears from leaking out of the corners of them.

“S-She told you that, too?” You mused, and Cal would nod, noting that you’d said ‘too’, and not just ended the question on ‘that’, suggesting to him that you’d also heard from her that she’d be returning, the next day, like he had a brief moment ago.

“You doubted that she would?” He guessed, and you would frown, before nodding gravely, and bowing your head again. “I see,” he continued slowly; thoughtfully, “well, I’m afraid the only thing you can do right now, is not worry about what’s already happened, and instead think about what can be done to make up for it, right?”

“I guess,” you agreed begrudgingly, your voice briefly trembling as you tried to recompose yourself even further, somehow, making yet another failure of an attempt to swallow the lump in your throat.

“Good,” he replied, before smiling softly over at you, but you didn’t feel any better, simply forcing a smile over at him, before you awkwardly shuffled on your feet, trying not to think about the kiss anymore with everything within you, but you found it to be the only thing you could think about, the rest of that night, as soon as Cal had hesitantly retired himself to bed after completing one more check of the horses, now all surprisingly asleep as they should be, until the sun came back up excruciatingly slowly for both you, and Regina, the remainder of that night.

🜸🜚🜸

Regina struggled to focus during the school day, even as she and her friends sat together in the cafeteria, you a little ways away from them; you never really tended to sit together - never even seemed to talk, during the day, until you and her met to work as your Uncle’s stablehands after all the school work was done and over with for you both. As usual, Cady and Aaron were sitting together, followed by Janis and her girlfriend from last year, whilst she, Karen, and Gretchen were sat on the end of the table, each talking amongst themselves peacefully, until Karen asked Regina a question, and she was snapped out of her previous trance of thought, trying not to look in your direction as soon as she’d been broken out of it.

Instead, she looked up at Karen and Gretchen, mustered up a half-hearted ‘hm’, before forcing a smile, and wishing someone would give her an excuse to look in your direction; she was desperate to see how you were; to see if you, too, were possibly thinking about what had occurred the day before, but it terrified her to think about how things could change, if her feelings were reciprocated, especially when she’d not even broken up with Shane, yet.

Gretchen appeared concerned, tilting her head partially in response to Regina’s unexpected reaction; she’d never seen her like this before.

“Are you okay, Regina? You’ve been - unusually quiet, today,” she mused, and Regina would wince, before shrugging, and acting as if she were unperturbed; as if nothing were phasing her, as usual - well, not since she’d recovered from the incident with the bus, last year.

“I’m fine,” she reassured, trying to inject some brightness into her voice, “honestly.” But they clearly didn’t believe her, still watching her curiously for a moment, until Gretchen decided to question her some more as she averted her gaze back down to the bottle of water she’d recently bought - she’d not really felt like eating, today.

“Have you even been listening to anything of what we’re saying?” She pried, and Regina would try and fight back a sigh, nodding begrudgingly as she reluctantly returned her gaze to her friends sat opposite her.

“Sure I have,” she answered, her eyebrows furrowing a little, “why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know,” Gretchen replied, truthfully, “unless you’re hiding something from us - are you?”

Regina tensed up, trying not to glance back at you again, as she fidgeted with her hands under the table, trying to find the right answer she could muster in response to her question.

“No,” she responded, a little defensively, as she tried not to express that she was getting a little flustered again, trying desperately not to remind herself of the kiss yesterday, but - no matter how hard she tried - it always seemed to come back to the front of her mind, as if it were a fresher memory than it truly was, “I’d never hide anything from anyone - especially not you guys.” Both Gretchen and Karen shared a look, and Regina tensed up even more, like a deer caught in headlights, but she wouldn’t let them win against her. “N-Not anymore, I mean,” she added, her voice barely audible, and hasty, as if she were afraid of you overhearing such a response.

“Okay,” Gretchen continued slowly, but Regina could tell that she wasn’t quite out of the woods, yet, “if you really were listening, can you answer Karen’s question about the acorns?”

Acorns? That confused her even more, her eyebrows subconsciously furrowing again as she appeared a little puzzled, before looking toward Karen who looked expectant, as well as a little intrigued, mostly because she still wanted to know if acorns were smarter than people, as well as eager to find out somehow what was plaguing Regina’s train of thought the way they could both tell something was, even as she tried to claim that nothing was vexing her in any way, shape, or form, no matter how much they claimed it was.

“Acorns?” She inquired, subconsciously, forgetting the task at hand, and Karen would make to repeat the question, before Gretchen spoke up again.

“See? You weren’t listening,” she determined, and Regina would try not to roll her eyes, realising she’d messed up, “what’s going on with you, today? You’re being weird; this isn’t - well, you, at all.”

She hesitated, trying to make something up, and fast, especially when she noticed that the whole table had just fallen quiet to her left.

“It - It’s nothing,” Regina stated, avoiding eye contact with each of them, “it’s just - I don’t know, me and Shane had a fight again, earlier - that’s all; it’s not a big deal.”

Gretchen’s expression softened, whilst the others appeared concerned as well as worried about their friend - even Damian, sat currently at least a couple tables away to work on lyrics with his boyfriend, Toby (a recent date of his since even before the night of the prom) - looked up upon hearing it had got a little quieter where the group were sitting, right now - something unusual for their table as a whole, even during the shorter break time that came before lunchtime tended to arrive.

She’d feel bad, she knew - if it weren’t an entire lie; she and Shane had, in fact, briefly fought earlier, just before the school day had started, and she’d first regrouped with the others for the day, but she still felt a little heavy, knowing it was what happened between you and her yesterday that she couldn’t stop thinking about, rather than her arguments with Shane recently.

“Are you okay?” Gretchen inquired, her voice a little lower, since it was more of a personal subject to be discussing right now, only meant for the ears of her friends, and preferably nobody else, you excluded, since you were also her friend, though the others didn’t really know about you, yet, considering you didn’t tend to hang out together during the school day the way she did the others.

“Yeah,” Regina answered genuinely - it didn’t phase her anymore, though it probably should; some of the things he called her were horrible, “I - I’m kinda used to it, now, so - it’s not a problem, I swear-”

“Dump him,” Janis interjected, her girlfriend Lisa nodding beside her, “he doesn’t deserve you, honestly.”

“Janis is right,” Cady corroborated, and Regina would nod thoughtfully, managing a timid smile over at each of them as they spoke, “he doesn’t - it’s like, ever since the year started, he’s been avoiding you; you guys used to hang out more, but now.. I don’t trust him - you should totally just drop him, find someone better - there has to be someone else here that you like, is there?”

She didn’t dare answer, though your name was lingering uncomfortably upon the tip of her tongue, especially after her heart had jumped at Cady’s use of the word ‘someone’, instead of simply just another guy, something that she knew would only make her feel uncomfortable after all she’d been through with her ex boyfriends, and Shane, recently, her recently developing feelings for you only adding to that unsettled pit lingering within her stomach.

“Not that I know of, yet,” she claimed, instead, though she soon found herself unable to stop thinking about you again; your voice, small and sleepy, the night before; your eyes glinting; her brushing her lips against your own - her heart jumped again, and she quickly looked away from Cady, shrugging as she tried to distract herself with her bottle of water, all whilst a soft smile tried desperately to play on the curves of her lips in response to the thought of you, and her kissing you the night before. “But I’ll dump him,” she concluded, certain of herself, sounding determined, whilst her friends all appeared relieved at such a revelation, “I just need to wait for the right time to do it.”

🜚

Gravel cracked beneath her boots as she walked up the driveway of your Uncle’s riding centre, light rain droplets falling upon her and the floor below her as she moved swiftly, hoping to find you out in the riding pasture like your Uncle had stated you would be, in an email to each of the stablehands detailing their timetables today; what they were meant to be doing; where they were meant to be, right now, until - as well as a little after - the riding lessons were done for the day, and the horses were catered for until the next morning.

She wrapped her arms around herself, the wind biting a little though she was wearing a jumper, and quite a thick one, hoping it would keep the cold out completely, before she’d arrived here again. A couple other stablehands walked by her, talking amongst themselves and giggling quietly, until they disappeared around the corner, into the stable, but she didn’t stop and follow them, though she wanted to make sure that you were where you were meant to be, before she interrupted a lesson for no particular reason, except to talk to you about the previous night, not sure yet still what she was hoping for from you, as well as herself.

She also had made sure to keep her head down as she passed them, knowing she was probably supposed to be helping them out with arranging tack for the next set of riders, instead of going to the pasture the way that she was, her heart skipping a beat as soon as she noticed the outdoor riding arena coming into view, opposite the indoor one almost directly. She’d never really been in the indoor riding arena before; it was mainly for private lessons, as well as for the training of the horses who seemed to have more of a - challenging and wild personality than the others did - at least, that was what you’d told her the first day she’d arrived here, and asked you about it.

She couldn’t help, but begin walking a bit faster, determined to make things right, somehow, now more than ever, whether that was by just talking to you about what she did, or by doing something she was more afraid of, but she guessed she’d just have to see how you’d react to her, first, as she leaned against the pasture fence, watching you leading the students on Gile, a Buckskin Tobiano Mustang who had a tendency of being grumpy, especially when you’d first introduced her to him.

You rode so well; she couldn’t help, but watch in awe for a moment - she’d been struggling, herself, to get the hang of it, whenever your Uncle had allowed you to give her a lesson alongside the other stablehands as a reward for their work, completely free. She almost forgot what she’d came over here for, until she noticed your Uncle walking over to her, prompting her to wince, and hastily avert her gaze as she wondered if she should just speed-walk out of here, considering she couldn’t think up any other excuses for being here, and not where the others were, currently, preparing for the next group’s lesson in almost less than half an hour - if she wanted to talk to you, and fast, with a resolving of what she’d done the night before, she’d have to do it quickly - like, right now, before he could reach her, and usher her away from the outdoor arena, when that was - unbeknownst to her - the opposite of what he was planning on doing, currently, if only she knew that, herself.

“Remember, keep steady,” she heard you advise the students, walking along behind you, her heart pounding within her chest uncomfortably as she gripped on a little tighter to the fence, trying to find the right words to say, as well as trying desperately not to let go, and flee before it was too late to talk to you, when she felt able to do so, “the horses can sense your fear, and you need to make sure that you treat them with the respect that they deserve, whilst showing them who’s boss if they step out of line, so don’t let yourself slip, but if you do, treat them right, and they’ll treat you right, too.”

“She’s right,” Regina corroborated, and you would falter, your heart skipping a beat as you looked toward her, your eyes glinting a little as you lifted your right hand up to stop the students behind you from getting any closer, your Uncle wincing as he looked over at you, before returning his attention to her, “your strongest muscle, and worst enemy, is your mind - train it well.”

“Regina,” you began timidly, your heart squeezing a little as you remembered the night before, whilst your eyes darkened all over again, but you tried to stop the smile on your face from faltering the way it longed to, at least a little; seeing her would always make the ends of your lips curve up just slightly, as long as she were there with you, the way she was here for you, now, and intended to always be there for you, no matter what, even after what had happened between you both the night before, “w-what are you-”

“I’ll take over for you, Y/n, for a bit, okay?” Cal decided, and you would hesitate, before nodding, and smiling faintly your thanks to him as you carefully dismounted Gile, so your Uncle could instead ride him for the remainder of the lesson, as you jogged over to Regina, and quickly climbed over the fence so you could be out of the way of him as well as the students, especially when they were about to be trotting over some of the poles that had been laid out before the lesson had begun for them.

“Hey,” you greeted a little nervously, as she shuffled awkwardly on the spot for a moment, warily looking over at your Uncle to make sure that he wasn’t looking over at you both, before she gently took your left hand in her right one, mouthed a quick ‘follow me’, and rushed you away from the outdoor riding pasture.

🜚

Time seemed to slow down, for a moment - at least, you felt like it did, as you surveyed her peacefully, your eyes light, and heart pounding still in your chest as her hair flowed behind her, making her look even more like a goddess than she already did. You tried to fight back a sigh, especially since you knew it would sound weird, as you raced behind her, taking a while to catch your breath, until she snuck you into the next stable, and led you over to Firenze and Felicity.

🜸

“What are you doing?” You questioned, once you and Regina had stopped before their stalls, a sheepish smile on her face as she beamed over at you, evidently glad to see you again, after yesterday night’s events.

“What does it look like I’m doing, Y/n?” She inquired, as she carefully took down a couple of bridles, you watching her warily as she walked back up to Firenze’s as well as Felicity’s stall.

“Regina,” you began cautiously, but she wouldn’t listen, “don’t-”

“We won’t get enough time together, if we stay,” Regina interjected gently, and you would falter, a pained expression on your face, before you nodded gravely, and nervously looked away from her, your gaze stopping at the double doors, but luckily they were still closed, and you couldn’t hear anyone passing by, or getting any closer to them.

“Then give me one of the bridles, and I’ll tack up a horse for you,” you replied, and she would frown, evidently disappointed as she glanced back at you; she’d been hoping to ride Felicity, to keep her and her makeshift brother together, but you knew what Felicity liked to do, and you couldn’t risk Regina being flung off of her.

“But-”

“Please!” You begged, and she would sigh, before nodding begrudgingly, and passing on one of the bridles to you; if you and her were going to be riding outside of the establishment, then you wanted to keep her safe, so you moved away from Felicity’s stall, and instead walked toward Sunrise’s one.

🜚

You and Regina slowly walked side-by-side upon your horses, you on Firenze, and she on Sunrise, a pretty dapple grey Dutch Warmblood. Though she tended to slow down a lot without being instructed to do so, you felt she would be better off riding her, instead of Felicity, considering the White Friesian mare did tend to like bolting a lot more than Firenze did, whenever you or your Uncle were riding her outside of the compound.

“How are you doing, over there?” You inquired, trying to hide that you were smirking upon hearing Regina’s quiet struggles beside you, evidently finding it difficult to settle into the saddle more than you ever had.

Regina winced, evidently embarrassed as she tensed up a little, Sunrise snorting as she tossed her head a little, evidently nervous in response to her rider’s discomfort, but you managed to reach over, and hold part of the mare’s rein to try and stabilise her, though you doubted she’d bolt like either Firenze or Felicity would.

“I’m fine,” she claimed, not wanting to appear like she couldn’t handle the mare beneath her like you were managing Firenze, “you don’t need to worry about me - I can do this, I swear!”

“Not like that,” you contradicted gently, and she would grunt, before you reluctantly released the rein, warily watching Sunrise for a moment, before you returned your gaze to her after determining that the mare was calm, enough, “sit up, first, and keep your feet in the stirrups - do not move them out, just yet; you aren’t ready for that.”

She would hesitate, before begrudgingly doing as you told her to do, prompting you to express relief as you surveyed her peacefully, a soft smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

“Okay,” she replied slowly, “what now?”

“Just focus on Sunrise, now,” you answered, “keep a good hold on those reins, but don’t pull at her bit too much, okay? You need her to know that she can trust you; that you know what you’re doing, otherwise she won’t trust you, and will probably end up trying to buck you off of her-”

“Wait, what?” She interjected, and you would wince, Sunrise snorting again as she prodded along, whilst Firenze tossed his head alongside her; they’d evidently not appreciated her interruption, sensing that she was still a little uncomfortable in her position.

“Don’t think about that, now,” you advised her hastily, but still in a soft voice, not wanting to startle the horses any further, “just focus on the reins, and the speed you want her to go. You remember what I told you about slowing down, right? Squeeze her sides a bit, and pull back on the reins-”

“I remember that, I just-..” She trailed off, wincing, before she bowed her head a little, and you would frown, bringing Firenze a little closer to Sunrise so you could encouragingly squeeze her left shoulder using your right hand, prompting her heart to skip a beat as she glanced over at you for a moment, her eyes glinting, and smile beginning to grow back just as easily as it had gone away. You then faltered, remembering the night before again as you tried not to glance down at her lips, your eyes darkening, and heart sinking as you forced a smile over at her, before you removed your hand from her shoulder, trying not to break down, or lose your focus, especially not right now, with Firenze, and the possibility of him bolting when you were least expecting him to. “Hey,” she began gently; a little dejectedly as she averted her gaze back down to the reins, “I just-.. I wanted to bring you out here because-.. because I wanted to tell you that I - I’m-”

“Don’t,” you interrupted weakly, and she would fall quiet, a pained expression on her face as she looked over at you, tensing up a little again as she wondered why her heart felt as if it were being squeezed all over again, “I-.. there’s nothing for you to be sorry for, okay? We were both - both tired, a-and-..”

“Yeah, but-.. why?” She questioned, and you would appear puzzled, as well as a little scared as you looked over at her, your eyes full of a little anxiety as you wondered what she were trying to achieve out of you after what had happened between you both last night.

“Why were we both tired?” You inquired, hopefully, but she would hastily shake her head, appearing a little exasperated in response to your own question.

“No,” she answered, her voice trembling a little, “I - I meant - why? Why didn’t you push me away, then? If you didn’t like it, why didn’t you push me away? None of it makes sense-”

“Does it have to make sense?” You retorted, and she would falter, a hurt look on her face in response to you snapping at her the way you had, prompting you to falter, a pained expression on your face as you bowed your head a little, your eyes darkening again as guilt as well as shame began to overwhelm you; you hated upsetting her, the way you could tell you had a brief moment ago. You both rode along in silence for a little while, universes of pain spreading between you both excruciatingly, but you didn’t know what to say, so instead you allowed what you were currently thinking to slip from your lips, instead. “I’m sorry,” you continued a little shakily, as small tears began to cloud your vision, a lump beginning to form within your throat again, and Regina would frown, her heart aching for you in response to the sound of your voice breaking the way it did, prompting her to glance over at you, her expression softening as she did, “I’m sorry, okay?”

“Y/n-”

“I-.. I can’t always know the answer,” you interrupted feebly again, and she would shake her head hastily, not wanting you to feel as if you had to explain yourself like that, especially when it prompted you to begin putting yourself down again, something that hurt her almost as much as it hurt you, whenever she heard you cursing yourself for things like this, “a-and I hate myself for that, I really do, I-”

“It’s not your fault,” she contradicted gently, and you would hesitate, before you fell quiet, and glanced over at her again, your heart skipping a beat as soon as your gaze fell upon her; her soft eyes, sweet smile - it was an effort not to get lost within her orbs all over again, all the while you still found yourselves longing to glance down at her lips, your own tingling again at the thought of the kiss you’d shared with her last night - if only she’d not made you crave it even more than you ever had anything else before, as soon as she’d shared such an addictive experience with you. “It’s mine, okay? You know it is,” she reminded you, but you didn’t want her to take the blame for it, either, making to protest, before she continued again, “I’m sorry.”

You hastily shook your head again, your heart pounding against your ribcage uncomfortably whilst you tried to find the right words to say, but your thoughts were too loud, and your lips were still tingling as the memory of the night before kept replaying within your mind.

“Reg-”

“No,” she interjected, sounding a little exasperated again, “you don’t get to apologise for things that aren’t your fault, okay?”

You faltered, hesitating, and she could see that you still felt as if you should protest, your lips moving a little for a moment, as your eyes appeared thoughtful, but her voice had been firm, as well as soft enough, to deter you from doing so.

“Okay,” you answered, instead, and she would express relief, glad that she’d managed to get through to you, before you could panic anymore than you already had, a brief moment ago.

“Good,” she replied gently, her eyes growing a little warmer as she hesitantly returned her gaze to what was ahead of her, reminding herself of what you’d told her, before, about making sure you knew the environment around you, to prevent yourself from having an accident whilst riding outside of the compound the way you both were, right now, you still on Firenze, and she still on Sunrise, the two horses calmly prodding alongside each other as if they were unperturbed by what was currently going on above them both. “I’m sorry,” she began again, her voice barely audible, as if it were growing to be more of an effort to speak with every second that passed between you both, a heavy wall pressing down upon both of your chests and throats, making it harder all the more to not break down the way your emotions seemed to want you to, right now, riding alongside each other with small tears clouding each of your visions, “I - I really am, okay? I’m sorry that-..” She swallowed uncomfortably, her voice cracking as she did, but she couldn’t get rid of the lump forming within her throat. “That I left, like I did, a-after-..” She drew in a shaky breath, whilst you tried not to shake your head again, listening to her through partially ringing ears, your heart aching even more within your chest. “I should have stayed,” she stated, her voice a little firmer, and you could tell that she was angry at herself for not doing so, when you couldn’t blame her, at all; you just wanted her to be happy, and you felt as if you could never make her happy like that; the way you wished you could ever since you’d first met her, even when you didn’t know exactly what your feelings for her meant, at all, until this moment in time, “but that’s not the only thing I’m sorry for.” You appeared taken aback, evidently surprised by such a revelation; it only hurt even more to know that such things had been plaguing her just like they had you, just because of what had happened between you both yesterday. “I’m also sorry, b-because-..” She sighed, wishing this weren’t so hard; she had been hoping it would be easier, but she’d found that it had always been hard to find the right words around you, especially whenever you smiled at her like you did, every time your gaze fell upon her. “Fuck, why is this so hard?” She uttered, evidently flustered as well as frustrated, and you couldn’t help, but smile softly down at Firenze’s mane, finding it cute, how easily she could be flustered by some things, like she was, now. “Sorry,” she managed, as she winced, realising she’d said that out loud, only embarrassing as well as exasperating her further as she tried to start again for her sake, as much as your own, “l-look, I’m-.. I’m sorry, that I had nothing to say that night - I should’ve-.. I-..”

“Can we dismount, here? Really quick?” You requested, your voice close to a whisper, and she would fall quiet, her heart skipping a beat again as she looked over at you, her eyes widening a little as she subconsciously eased Sunrise into a standing position, and you would express relief, bringing Firenze to a stop beside her.

“Sure,” she answered curiously, “why?”

🜚

For a moment, all you could imagine flashed through your mind. You saw yourself pinning her gently against one of the trees to her right, your heart pounding alongside your own as you pressed your lips to hers, imagining yourself revelling in the feeling of her body against your own - a beautiful feeling. Butterflies fluttered around in your stomach; you tried not to look over at her too much, blood rushing to your cheeks; your urges were so vivid, so near, that you could almost reach out and grab them, but you didn’t want to lose her, so you kept your hands to yourself to the best of your ability.

Leaves crunched beneath both your, and her feet, as you trailed slowly side by side, leading your horses behind you as you admired the scenery around you, wondering if there were anything more perfect, than this moment you both found yourselves in.

“H-Hey, I, erm-”

“I missed you,” you began absent-mindedly, before wincing, your voice barely audible, blood rushing to your cheeks. Regina faltered, her expression softening as she glanced over at you, her eyes glinting just a little alongside your own; she’d missed you, too - all day today, whilst she was at school, as well as last night, even before she’d kissed you, and fled from your side again the way that she did, not too long ago, now. “A-All of last night, and-..” You fell quiet, and she would frown, before nodding gravely, and timidly linking her fingers with your own, prompting your heart to skip a beat, and you to falter in speech, mind, lung, and muscle, as you stopped beside her, and - as you were terrified of your feelings for her right now; of what they’d make you do - you hastily removed your hand from hers, stammering a little shakily; barely audibly, for a moment, whilst she appeared hurt by your decision as you stepped back a little from her side, avoiding eye contact with her to the best of your ability.

“Y/n-”

“I - I don’t think we should be friends, anymore,” you uttered, sounding a little exasperated, and strained, as if just sounding the words out was painful for you to do, whilst she, too, found it hard to hide that your words had struck her, leaving what felt like a burning hole within her chest.

“What?” She replied; she still couldn’t quite believe it, but you wouldn’t let it go, shaking your head as you stepped back again, before she could get any closer than she subconsciously had.

“I don’t-.. I’m not-” You struggled, your voice briefly trembling as you tried not to cry, an overwhelming lump within your throat again. “I can’t do this anymore; I don’t want this-”

“Y/n, stop-”

“I don’t want you,” you concluded weakly, though every word was far from the truth, burning your tongue excruciatingly as you wished you could just tear your heart out, and just give it to her right now, on more than just some silver platter, “I-”

“So that’s it?” Regina interrupted, a hurt look on her face, and you would falter, hesitantly glancing up at her whilst small tears leaked from the corners of your eyes.

“Reg-”

“You’re just gonna - what, throw us away? After everything?” She questioned, her voice firm, though you could still tell she was hurting, too, just like you were - you just wondered why. “Is this about the kiss, yesterday?” She inquired, the question throwing you off guard as you tensed up, before hastily lowering your gaze again as you bit down harshly upon your tongue, almost enough to draw blood as a faint metallic taste began to form grossly within your mouth, only to be worsened by her drawing slowly closer to you, a hopeful, as well as pained, and curious expression on her face.

“What? No, you-”

She didn’t hesitate, gently easing you against the tree behind you as she delicately pressed her lips to your own, and you relaxed within her embrace, your eyelids fluttering shut at the feeling.

“You liked it, didn’t you?” She mused, sounding a little breathless, her voice close to a whisper, and you would wince, not realising for a moment that the kiss had ended when it did, the realisation that it was over only making you feel empty inside all over again.

“Regina,” you began again feebly, a little nervous; you’d never been in a situation like this before, her eyes never leaving your own.

“I liked it, too,” she managed, though the words still felt foreign; dangerous, considering her previous ideals and personality, last year - it was unusual, but not in her own eyes, just in the eyes of the others, back at Northshore high, “t-that’s why I-”

“There you two are,” your Uncle interrupted, and you both would falter, tensing up as he and his horse, Willow, a Black Pinto Clydesdale, emerged into the clearing, their auras emitting the same calmness the pair shared, together, completely contradictory to your and Regina’s current demeanours, as you warily asked him the question you were first thinking of, your eyes doing all the talking they needed to do, for you. “Don’t worry - the session’s still going; Desdemona’s got it covered,” he explained, his voice gentle, just so you both knew he wasn’t angry, at all; he was more relieved, than he was anything else, glad to see that you two were at least still talking, after yesterday’s events.

You expressed relief, as well as dejection, forcing a smile, before you nodded gravely, and averted your gaze again.

“I-..” You began slowly, your voice briefly cracking as Cal warily looked between you both, his eyes looking as if they were trying to scan through the both of you; trying to determine the skip, drop, and squeeze of your heart beats, as if they were that easy to read, right now, just through the ways you were both standing; the way you were trying to form a sentence, only to fail miserably before the girl you loved, and the man you considered to be your only family, after all that had happened to you, all those years ago, with the divorce, as well as the kidnapping that had previously befallen you. “We-”

“I can give you both some more time, if you need it?” Cal suggested, his voice already knowing, but neither you or Regina dared to respond, finding you couldn’t even muster up the right words to say, each one stuck within your throats, but it wasn’t something new to him - not at all. “Do you?” He continued, and Regina made to nod, but before she could say anything, you were shaking your head, and uttering that you had stuff to do, before you walked hastily back to Firenze’s left side, and carefully climbed back up into his saddle, gone before she could even say goodbye to you, only making her heart ache even more within her chest, somehow. “She’ll come around,” he reassured her gently, and she would wince, realising she’d zoned out, a pained expression on your face, as soon as you had disappeared back into the woodland behind them both, “she just-.. needs some time, probably, to think about things.”

Regina frowned, before nodding gravely, and awkwardly shuffling on the spot as she tried to recompose herself, feeling pathetic for how she’d just acted around you, before.

“I know,” she corroborated, her voice soft, though it longed to crack like your’s had, the lump still stuck within her throat, and her face still warm, like it usually was when she was trying not to cry.

“Good,” he replied, evidently glad; he didn’t want her to think that you’d left, and would never talk to her again, now, regardless of what had just happened between you both; he knew you too well, to even fear that you’d completely leave her alone like that - even after the world had done you wrong the way it did, all those years ago, you still tried; you would never abandon those you loved, he only hoped that such a trait never left you, for both your sake, as much as her own.

🜚

On the ride back, neither of them said a word to each other - at least, not until they were about to leave the woodlands behind them, the academy’s arenas coming in to view just about beyond the tree-line, before it could be broken, and they would be out in the open again.

“I’m sorry,” Regina managed, her voice barely audible, and heart aching again as her eyes darkened; she hated how she’d left you the way she did, last night, when she feared you needed her the most, in the state that you had been, before she’d arrived, and - regardless of how right the previous moment had felt between you both - she still felt guilty for reacting the way she did; for pressing you against that tree, and kissing you again; it was something she never thought she was capable of allowing herself to do, before, considering she’d always tried to hide her own secret desires the way she had been, until she’d first met you, and began to see and think of you everywhere she seemed to go, away from here, “for - for last night - I shouldn’t have-.. y’know; I should have stayed with her, and I hate myself for leaving, I swear I do, I-”

“She understands why you did it, Ms. George,” Cal reassured her gently, but she didn’t want you to understand; she wanted you to hate her for what she did, though the thought of you hating her was painful, in itself, “and - in a way - so do I.”

Regina curiously looked over at him, though she didn’t mean it any disrespectful way; it was just a surprise to her as it wasn’t something she’d ever heard him talking about, before, despite her being around him and you for a while, now, almost proper family to you, in some ways - at least, she wished she could be that for you. Little did she know, that you did feel that strong of an attachment to her already, and it was almost unbearable when things became the way that they were, now, between you both, especially when you found yourself rejecting her, afraid of disappointing her, as well as of what Shane might do, considering she was still with him, currently; still arguing with him everyday, and trying to hide it from you, though you could see through her the pain and frustration it was putting her through, you just never thought part of that pain would be a manifestation of what was also going on between you both, too.

“You do?” She mused, almost sounding relieved, and Cal would nod gravely, before smiling faintly over at her.

“I do,” he repeated gently, “love, it does - curious, things to people.”

Regina faltered at his use of the word ‘love’, her heart skipping a beat, before she hastily looked away from him, trying to hide that she could feel her cheeks beginning to warm up in response to his phrasing; she’d never considered ‘love’ as being what her feelings for you, were, but - in a way - it felt like it made sense, and the word seemed more appealing to her, now, as a soft smile began to tug at the corners of her lips as she found herself unable to stop thinking about you, and what you might be doing right now, again.

“Love? What makes you think it’s-”

“Feelings, then,” Cal rephrased, and Regina would frown, before nodding slowly in response to his interjection - she already missed the previous word, but not as much as she missed being with you, the way she was earlier, “everyone’s had them - whether they’re love, or something less, they’re there - you might be scared of them, right now, but you won’t be for long, that much I can promise you, it’s just what they do to you, after-..” Your Uncle sighed, whilst Regina looked over at him, a concerned as well as curious expression on her face as he seemed to be trying to recompose himself, small tears clouding his own vision as he avoided her gaze strategically, desperate to try and keep himself together for you, as well as for her, but the thought of how his late husband had gone made his body weak, each day that passed by since his own passing - the cold of his bed’s left side would never go away, when he woke up in the morning. “I’m sorry, Ms. George, but I really must be checking on the session, now,” he stated, his voice a little more strained as he forced a smile over at her, “just - give it time, and you’ll see.” He then eased Willow into a trot beneath him, only making it a few paces away from her, before he halted his stallion again. “Oh, and by the way,” he continued, as Willow prodded slowly toward the end of the tree-line, “we were all young once, Ms. George, never forget that, will you?”

🜚

Cal’s words followed her everywhere after he’d gone, as she trotted Sunrise back toward the stable, being as careful as she possibly could, considering she was by herself, now, no-one to protect her if something went wrong, but she didn’t blame you for rushing off the way you did, after what had previously happened between you both. She knew Cal said she should wait, but it was painful trying to hide from her feelings, something silently pulling her toward the house as she sneakily rushed up the porch, looking around her warily, before she eased open the front door, and immediately headed for the stairwell.

🜸

You were inside your room, crying, at the time; you’d tried to hold it all back, but the emotions soon came flooding out of you, as soon as you were alone, curled up upon your bed the way that you were, now. You sniffled barely audibly against your pillow, hugging your knees to your chest as your shoulders shook a little with every strained and uncontrollable sob that escaped your lips - you didn’t doubt you would have been stuck like this for a while, if she didn’t stop outside your door, and knock on it gently the way that she did.

🜸

As soon as she reached the door, she faltered, a pained expression on her face as soon as she heard you crying behind it; it was unbearable. For a moment, she couldn’t lift her right arm to knock, instead allowing her palm to press against the door as she tried to work up the courage to do something, anything, and it then struck her that you were only a few paces away from her, prompting her heart to skip a beat, before she smiled softly, and managed to pull herself out of her brief trance, before she knocked upon the door, and you managed a feeble ‘come in’ in response to the sound.

🜸

Before she could open the door, you were hastily wiping your eyes, and forcing yourself to sit up. You evidently expected Cal to be stood on the other side, your heart dropping, and muscles tensing up as soon as your gaze had fallen upon her. She stared back at you, lingering anxiously by the door as she fidgeted a little with her fingers again, her heart pounding overwhelmingly alongside your own.

“Y/n-”

“W-What are you doing, in here?” You questioned, and she would frown, a hurt look on her face as she bowed her head for a moment, trying to find the right words to say.

“I-.. I don’t know, I just-.. I guess I just-..” She sighed, evidently frustrated again - even her cheeks were turning a little pink; you couldn’t help, but find it adorable, trying not to show that her current demeanour was making your skin buzz with elation. “I wanted to see you, okay?” She managed, eventually, sounding just as exasperated as she looked, right now. “I-..” She fell quiet, her heart sinking as her eyes darkened, prompting you to feel a little guilty as you bowed your head, fidgeting with your own shaky fingers alongside her, as she timidly drew closer, hoping you’d accept her presence, this time. “I’m sorry,” she began again, her voice briefly trembling; sounding dejected, only making you feel worse, but still you didn’t dare look up at her - everything about her was just too-.. tempting, and you couldn’t take the way you felt around her; your feelings were growing to be too intense; more than they ever had, before, “f-for earlier, I-.. I really-”

“It’s fine,” you reassured her gently, and she would express relief, her heart skipping a beat as her eyes began to glint a little again, “it-.. it was my fault, anyway.”

That took her aback, again; she hastily shook her head, not wanting you to blame yourself for what she’d done as she then stepped even closer, your heart pounding even faster somehow with every step she took, only a few away from your bed, now.

“I-”

“Reg,” you interjected gently, but your voice was still firm - it was a warning, and nothing less than that; you didn’t want to lose control of yourself around her, especially when she was so close to you, right now, only leaving you more afraid than ever of what you’d end up doing; of everything you were imagining yourself doing, even after what had happened between you both, earlier, within the clearing.

“I know,” she replied, her voice soft and strained, and your heart begged to surrender to her, but you didn’t want to make things worse for her like you feared you would, if ever she decided she wanted to be with you, instead of Shane, “look, maybe-.. maybe we don’t have to talk about it, right now, if you don’t want to? W-Would you let me just-.. stay with you, l-like I should have, last night?”

You would appear taken aback by her suggestion, your heart positively soaring in response to it; you couldn’t think of anything you’d ever wanted more, as you tried to win back control of a clear mind, only for it to get cloudy and loud again within it, as she sat down upon your bed, before smiling lovingly in your direction. This would no doubt be the hardest night of your life, as well as the best thing that had ever happened to you, so far.

🜚

You still couldn’t bear to look over at her, especially as soon as she came out of the bathroom in her pyjamas, your heart skipping a beat as you noticed her loose-hanging clothing, trying not to think of anything, but the sound of the horses’ galloping outside, evidently playing within their pasture as they neither occasionally, or snorted - it made you smile, to think of Firenze and Felicity playing out there, before their own bedtime could begin, alongside your and Regina’s.

“What did your mum say?” You asked, sounding a little nervous, and Regina would shrug, seeming unperturbed as she finished up brushing her teeth, before rejoining you on the edge of your bed again.

“She’s fine with it,” she answered, and you would raise your eyebrows; you could tell when she was lying, and - for a moment - she winced, before hastily averting her gaze down to her hands, “okay, I didn’t tell her, but-”

“Then what did you say?” You questioned, appearing a little more worried, now, whilst another part of you tried desperately not to smirk, your eyes glinting as she appeared confused by your demeanour, as well as a little relieved, tilting her head partially to the side as you surveyed her peacefully, trying not to get lost within her orbs, though they felt like oceans of calm, to you, your heart-beat not pounding as overwhelmingly as it usually did, whenever you were around her, as long as you were looking into her eyes the way that you were, right now.

“You don’t really care, do you?” She guessed, and you would fall quiet, wincing, as she grinned sheepishly over at you; knowingly, and for a moment she seemed to lean closer to you, and you would falter, your blood running cold, and heart beginning to pound against your rib-cage again as you drew back from her, and hastily looked away to try and tell yourself that you were just imagining it; she couldn’t still want to kiss you, why would she? Regina faltered, a pained expression on her face as she looked away from you, too, her eyes darkening; she didn’t know why your action had hurt so much, and nor did she know why she kept feeling as if she were magnified to you, even more so after the kiss had taken place between you both, yesterday, as well as a little earlier, today. She sighed, timidly fidgeting with her fingers as she tried to find the right words to say again, not wanting things to just be awkward between you both, now, the way that they were. “I’m sorry,” she offered gently, and you would tense up, only for a moment, as you glanced over at her again timidly, forgetting how to breathe as you admired her again - it just didn’t seem possible to not be able to do so, “I don’t know why I-.. my mom, I told her I was at another friend’s house - she probably won’t suspect a thing, in fact, I promise you she won’t - just-.. please, don’t worry about that - we have a night together to enjoy, right? Whatever bad that might happen can come later, but right now we’re happy here, aren’t we?”

You couldn’t help, but smile softly, blood rushing to your cheeks, even as you hesitated, your eyes glinting once they were locked with her own again.

“We’re happy,” you corroborated gently, and she would express relief, smiling warmly back at you as she wrapped her arms around your waist, prompting you to tense up again within her embrace for a moment, evidently not used to how it felt, still, to have her arms around you the way they were, now.

“Good,” she replied, glad, as you timidly returned the hug, now flustering her a little as she couldn’t help, but beam over at the wall, even as she’d forgot how to breathe, briefly, alongside you, only remembering how to do so once it was necessary for her to, alongside you, but she knew at some point the hug would have to be broken, regardless, prompting her heart to sink, before she shot a sad smile over at you, released you from her arms, and tried to find more words she could use again without choking: “so, what do you wanna do?”

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed the first part! ❤️

[everydayfrimmel]

August 11, 2024

"On Your Left" 400 words, established relationship, canon divergence, based on that one manga panel about how old!Himmel still fights monsters lol

"On your left, darling."

Frieren doesn't need the warning. She's already turning, and something heavy thuds against the shield of mana she casts in her blind spot to the left, covering the gaps in her defense. When it finds it can't get through, the monster rears back, leaves its chest and neck exposed before a charge, and it is almost too easy.

It collapses to the ground with a hole in its chest the size of a tree trunk in a heap that kicks up dust. This one, Frieren notes with mild disgust, barely even tried.

"They're getting dumber these days, don't you think?"

Himmel looks up at her, and a smile he tries to hide pulls at his weathered mouth before he can conceal it. He only looks at her for a moment before he reaches over to pat her arm.

"Or you're getting better," he suggests.

"Even you can handle them."

At this, Himmel frowns. "What exactly are you implying?"

Frieren smirks because she likes getting his goat, though it gives her no pleasure to admit: "you're old."

"You're old." He stops, bristles. "And I've still got it. I don't know why you would even imply that I haven't still got it."

He does, however miraculous that is, indisputably still have it. She likes that about him; his advanced age is so much less immediate when he's still doing what he's always done, killing local vermin and charming townspeople and teasing her incessantly. It all makes it easier not to wonder how many more times they'll be able to do things like this together.

"Maybe," she says.

"What do you mean, 'maybe'? I've clearly still-"

"I killed that one."

"But I killed the last one."

"I supposed, but-"

"No 'buts,' Frieren, I did."

"I suppose."

"You," he tells her, "are one tough old lady, Frieren."

"Call me that again, I dare you."

He chuckles. "Most people want to grow old together, you know."

Frieren frowns. "I was already old when I met you."

"Nonsense."

He says things like this often, probably to try to soothe his own sadness, and she never disputes them, even though she wants to.

"Well, I suppose we have payment to collect," Himmel sighs. "Shall we?"

The town elder has a couple of grimoires he'd thrown in to sweeten the pot. She takes his offered hand, wrinkled and weatherbeaten, in her own.

"Of course."

[purgatory-is-life]

Mechtober prompt 22/day 22-immortality

i keep putting marius through the horrors and i probably won't stop. i swear i love him he's just so easy to make angst of.

@mechtober-2024

Uncertainty and Immortality - Reality666Rift999 - The Mechanisms (Band) [Archive of Our Own]

tw; temporary character death, character death, mentioned/implied violence, Out angst, some minor suicidal ideation, implied/mentioned gun violence, blood, gore, a bit of eldritch horror, probably more than that, please let me know what i need to add!

----

Marius didn’t necessarily know if he believed in immortality.

Of course, the Mechanisms were probably immortal–they died-revived-died all the time. They killed-revived-killed each other all the time. They had forgotten Brian in a star for a century, and he was mostly fine—after a while. Marius had died so many times, had died to become Marius. How could he not believe in immortality? It’d been thousands of years since he’d gotten his arm. Probably more, probably much longer.

But he didn’t necessarily know if he believed in immortality.

Of course, the Music explained to him in sweet symphonies and gentle decrescendos and brassy tunes, over and over again– he was here forever. Always to be its voice box, always to play along. And if he leaves? He would only join the cacophonous chorus, his violin joining all those before him that had been cursed. But the Music didn’t want him to join just yet, as much as it could want anything, and so he was here forever.

But the Music lies.

It always had, and always would.

Marius thinks that’s where he got it from, where every other sentence a falsehood came so naturally from. Marius is the Music’s most recent Voice, and the Music lies, and so Marius lies. Just like the rest of the Crew, he spoke in songs and lyrics and stories, concocted and written out to be nothing but that– a story. True or false, who’s to say at this point. The Music lies, and so Marius lies.

And Marius was pretty sure the Music lied about the Mechanisms living forever.

Whenever one of the Crew died, there was always a spark of anxiety, a spark of fear as that oh-so familiar Song played quietly in his mind, that feeling of, Oh, they’re not going to wake up this time, are they? But they always do. They always wake up, and the Song fades, and everyone goes about their business, and Marius forgets the feeling until the next time.

It’s always different when he’s the one who dies, even though the Song doesn’t change. It’s more of a feeling of, They won’t have to deal with me anymore. Maybe I can rest. And yet he always wakes up. It’s less of a fear, more of a quiet hope. Sometimes he does remember to be afraid, he remembers to worry–will his friends miss him? His friends still needed him, he still needed his friends–

And then he wakes up, and everything goes back to normal. The keening Song fades once again.

That’s just how they worked, they died-killed-died-revived all the time as if it was second nature. Perhaps it was, at this point. They shot just as quickly as they gave kind smiles. Jonny shot more than he gave any sign of kindness, really.

The killed-died-revived so frequently, that eventually the fear and Song just became background noise. He still tried to avoid it, still pushed it down and ignored it when he could, but it kind of just became a fact of his seemingly never-ending life. Every time he or one of the other Mechanisms died, there’d be a little seed of doubt in his mind about whether or not they’d wake up. They always did. It wore on them, Marius could see it so clearly, in their aimless destruction and heavy shoulders and tired eyes. But Marius was always grateful when they woke up. I’m not ready yet, he’d think, for them to disappear. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready, constantly dreading the day their mechanisms finally gave out and they’d die for real. Always afraid, always hesitant to harm because what if it didn’t heal.

He was still much quicker to harm than any average mortal, he still did his fair share of killing and maiming of the Crew–especially when they stole his kneecaps. A little revenge never hurt anyone for too long. Much better than getting Lost in the Music on purpose and wandering the ship with his mournful violin, as that often only led to his kneecaps being stolen again. And getting Lost was never a pleasant feeling.

He still hovered, though, especially when it was their mechanisms that had taken damage. None of the others liked him poking at their mechanisms, despite the fact that he was probably more qualified to work on them than he was on the fleshy bits. To be fair, they didn’t exactly like Raphaella messing with their mechanisms either– Jonny was the most common culprit, but many times the others liked to avoid maintenance as much as possible. Marius never pushed though, it’s not like he didn’t understand. He only let Raph work on his arm every once in a while, preferring to do maintenance himself. (The Music lies like it is the most natural thing to do, every note misread and every string misplaced, but Marius did not want to risk its warnings of what could happen should Raph or one of the others be faced with Marius’s mechanism maintenance. The Music did not like to be Seen, after all. Only heard.)

But whenever their mechanisms were damaged, he hovered off to the side until it was fixed–manually or by their healing factors. Just so that he could be sure that they were alright, that they’d get up again soon. He tried his best not to be clingy, usually, tried his best to avoid taking up too much space around them or invading their personal space when it wasn’t welcome, but his anxiety was never quelled until he saw that they were okay, and that they were going to be alright.

Marius, admittedly, was not a person who enjoyed uncertainty. He was almost sure the doubt of ‘true’ immortality was what made him scared more than anything, the possibility of losing one of the others suddenly and without reason.

And of course, that is what happened, when Nastya went Out.

He and Nastya weren’t especially close, Nastya spending more of her time hiding away in the depths of the Aurora and doing whatever-it-was she did as an engineer and as Aurora’s girlfriend. She only ever showed up for meal times or for Crew Night and concerts, or during the occasional crew-wide tea party hosted by The Toy Soldier. She tended to disappear whenever they were planetside, her own wanted posters popping up without fanfare or loud explosions like Tim or Jonny or Ashes. And besides, half the time planetside, Nastya rarely left the Aurora.

But that changed one day, out in deep space.

And she left, disappearing.

Possibly forever.

Something changed among the Mechanisms, there was a loss that felt… Well, it felt final and it was strange.

Marius found himself hovering more, clinging even though he tried not to. Worrying, heart racing, every time someone died. That fear that had become background noise was almost always present and in the forefront.

One day, while staying in the cockpit with Brian, the brass pilot said quietly, “She’s probably cold out there. It was so cold…”

His voice was tinny and distant, and Aurora creaked sadly in response.

“I hope she’s not cold… I hope we find her soon…”

Marius didn’t say anything, remaining silent. Just climbed into Brian’s lap and purred till the both of them fell asleep.

Marius did not like being uncertain.

Perhaps that was why he latched onto Lyf so strongly.

They were temporary, and it was a guarantee that they were temporary. The system was doomed, crushing Songs and endless Noise and it was fragile and temporary, so very temporary. Obviously, going into something and knowing it won’t last for-probably-forever made it easy to not get attached…

One would think.

But Marius fell fast, and when he fell he fell hard. Always had, probably always would. What started as teasing and making fun of the inspector in charge of the three of them eventually turned into something a bit softer, something a bit–perhaps not kinder, but gentler. Something a bit more akin to care, as close to care as one could get with the Mechanisms.

And then the train arrived, and he and Ivy and Raph left, and Lyf was gone.

And it hurt.

It was awful and Marius could barely think past the pain in his heart and the Songs screaming from the remains of Yggdrasil, but it was expected. He could bury his grief and fear with more, different grief.

And then they returned, Lyfrassir managed to escape somehow and they were back. And they somehow managed to return to Marius’s life, even though they hated him. He didn’t mind, hating him was fine. He couldn’t force Lyf to feel anything. He was content to just appreciate that they were there.

Of course, though, they were still temporary. They were still definitely going to die one day, and maybe it was odd that he found a sense of comfort in that. Maybe it was wrong. But it was true, and that was comforting to Marius. Because it was expected that he’d lose them, that they’d disappear. He didn’t have to deal with that aching fear as much, that feeling of They won’t get up, this is it our luck’s run out, because when they died there’d be no reason for them to get up and start walking.

That didn’t stop the pain when they did die, though. That aching, familiar fear creeping in.

It wasn’t supposed to go like this, after all. This wasn’t how they were supposed to die. They weren’t supposed to die by a bullet to the head, a bullet probably meant for Jonny as he was only a few meters behind them and had done significantly more to anger the people on this planet– they were supposed to die old and withered when Marius was ready. When he could actually look death and eternity head on and say ‘I’m not afraid’. They weren’t supposed to die only a few short years after joining them, after starting to travel with them.

And then… Well, perhaps, the most unexpected thing happened.

Lyf’s dark blue blood that was starting to stain Aurora’s silver floor started glimmering and glowing, turning into a prismatic array of rainbow hues.

Lyfrassir’s glassy eyes widened, and their voice was pulled from their throat without them having to speak.

Y’ai ‘ng’ngah Yog Sothoth hee-l’gleb f’ai throdog

Uaah ogthrod ai’f geb’lee-ee’h Yog Sothoth ‘ngah’ng ai’y zhro

The rainbow blood rose off the floor, the staticky colors making it hard to look at without gaining a headache but Marius couldn’t force himself to turn away as the blood stitched, slowly, painfully, stitched the wound in Lyf’s head closed, the reality warping as the wound disappeared, as if it never existed.

The iridescent blood seemed to stain Lyf’s pretty silver hair, colors seeping into their locks from their roots, most prominent and most vibrant where their hair was already stained with blood. But the blood was disappearing into nothingness but heat auras and steam around Lyf’s forehead quickly, a light returning to Lyfrassir’s eyes.

The wound seemed to stop existing as it was restitched by Lyf’s blood.

What was Marius so concerned about again? Why was Lyf on the floor?

Lyfrassir blinked, sitting up. Their white pupils had taken on a slightly iridescent hue, their hair seemed to move on its own, like there was wind on Aurora that there shouldn’t be. Splotches of their braids and their roots were stained with that same slightly iridescent hue. They looked around at the Mechanisms, who were staring at them with various looks of horror or concern.

“Wh… What happened?” Their voice was hoarse, like they hadn’t spoken for a while.

“I-” Brian was the one who spoke up, voice cracking as he did so, “I think you died.”

“I…” Lyfrassir’s eyes widened almost comically. “I died?”

“And then you came back,” Raphaella agreed. There was likely more said, Marius could see Lyfrassir’s mouth move as they talked, could see Jonny waving his arms as his tail swished and flicked angrily while he paced, could see Tim fiddle with xyr gun and Ivy snapping and Raph’s wings fluttering and Lyf grabbing their hair and Brian wringing his hands– there was likely more said.

All Marius could hear was the symphony screaming and shouting over itself, a Song oh-so familiar to Odin’s Void and the Bifrost’s whippoorwill call.

Lyfrassir disappeared into their room for a few months, and no one did anything to try and coerce them out.

Marius could barely be around them, the screaming Void and Whippoorwills and yelling symphony overwhelming him, only serving to get him Lost.

Marius didn’t know if he believed in immortality, the Music lies and Marius was sure one day their mechanisms would give out and wouldn’t heal anymore.

Whenever Lyf exited their room, they were disgruntled and their braids looked rougher than it ever had in all the time Marius knew them. Their hair was still stained with rainbows and their eyes still shined with opalescent colors, but the keening Void and keening Whippoorwills had calmed down, simply matching their usual background noise.

Marius approached them, after that.

“I think I’m glad you’re not Temporary,” he admitted. “But it scares me more than I’m glad.”

Lyfrassir replied with a confused ‘thank you’. They didn’t look at him. “I didn’t want this, when I escaped. I just wanted to live, but not like this.”

“You didn’t deserve to be Taken by something like our Music. But it probably only let you escape on purpose, for this.”

There was a moment of silence. “I think eternity is a long time. I don’t want to live forever.”

“I’m not certain we will. But at least we’re here, for however long ‘forever’ really is.”

After that, things returned to mostly-normal. It was strange, and everything was different, but it was like nothing had changed, in a way.

Marius just had one more person to hover over, whenever they were injured and whenever they got killed. To make sure that they lived, that they came back.

Marius just had one more person to fear losing.

Marius really hated the uncertainty of immortality. Marius really hated how scared it made him.

But it was something he was going to have to live with probably-forever.

Hopefully Nastya was somewhere warm.