#they ask gender first and have an option that is Named!!!! nonbinary!!!!

[ziptieparty]

harvestella lets you pick your pronouns body shape and voice independently btw

[stevishabitat]

👏 👏 👏

“what if kids identify with something and it ends up just being a phase-?” good. stop teaching and expecting kids (and adults honestly) to formulate permanent traits and ideas of themselves. everything in life is a phase. that doesn’t make it any less legitimate while you experience it. let people explore themselves and know it’s okay if what you think about yourself changes.

[elminx]

Elminx's Ritual Walkthrough: A Spell to

Remove Unwanted Things From Your Life

Note: This ritual is my own creation - it combines the elements of a cleansing spell with cord-cutting. It also involves the basic concepts of sympathetic magic and some candle magic. Feel free to make it your own in any way that fits your personality and practice.

This is one of the most versatile spells in my repertoire - it can be used as a general all-purpose cleansing spell or specifically to target a particular problem you are currently experiencing. I am going to go through the basics of the spell first. The second section will involve how to adapt this spell to varying concerns. Its ingredients are meant to be simple and accessible - you can follow it as written or add more for flare. As always, I assume you will arrange your sacred space before you begin.

At its bare bones, this is a longer-lasting candle ritual of cleansing that involves strong elements of cord-cutting into the mix. You will be asked to actively attend to your candle every 30 minutes while your candle is lit. This is not optional - if you are not willing to do this, this is not the spell for you. A lot of the magic of this spell comes into play with the repetition of action - this is the MOST IMPORTANT element of this ritual, do not skip out on this step.

The Basic Ritual

You will Need:

1 Pillar Candle, preferably a figure candle* A fireproof bowl or tray Salt or Sand 1 or more Cleansing Herbs** A Cleansing oil, olive is fine (optional) A pair of scissors*** A stopwatch (the app of your phone is fine)

*This is especially true when you are new to this ritual. This candle is supposed to represent you and using a figure candle of your gender will reinforce this in your mind. I prefer to use the figure candles by Darknessvoid on Etsy, but any figure candle will do. Beeswax is best for this purpose because it has a long burn time which we want for this rituatl. For those of you who are nonbinary, I know that Madame Pamita sells nonbinary figure candles. Any pillar candle will do in a pinch just keep in mind that we WANT the candle to burn for a long time. I don't find the color of the candle to be important here (I use undyed beeswax) but you can add color magic here if you wish. **This should be a cleansing herb that you have a solid relationship with. I would suggest lemon, mint, sage, hyssop, or cedar as good options for this step but ultimately use what you have and feel comfortable with. For additional fire safety, use fresh herbs when applicable as they are less likely to ignite. ***I use regular old house scissors for this ritual. If you have a cutting device that is sanctified and important to your craft, use that. It does not have to be scissors, a knife or other cutting utensil will be fine

Set up your sacred space - this does not have to be fancy; do what feels right.

Prepare for A Long Burn, aka Candle Burning Safety - This is a long candle ritual - the longer your candle burns, the more effective the end results (in my experience). So we want to set up for candle safety - I do this by choosing a fire-safe plate and lining it with salt (you can use sand as an alternative). I place my candle in a safe space with nothing flammable nearby. Please follow your very best fire safety rules here.

Prepare your candle for burning - Take your pillar candle and become better acquainted with it. This candle is supposed to represent you; you may wish to carve your name and date of birth into the candle. Rub the candle over your entire body - focusing on problem areas (I'll go more into that below). If you do energy work, focus on pulling what you want to remove out of your body and into the candle. You can breathe into the face of the candle - whatever you have to do until you feel like the candle is a representation of you. This is an important step - take as long as you need to here. When this step feels complete, you can anoint your candle with a cleansing oil if you are using it (many traditions will call for holding the candle against your body and anointing the candle from the feet to the wick signifying that we are working on removal.) Place your candle in the center of your plate of salt/sand.

Sanctify or Empower Your Herb(s) - I will not go into details about how to do this because you should have a way that is already in your practice. The goal here is to somehow "wake up" the herbs and inform them of their role in this ritual. I like to arrange the herbs in an ascetic way around my candle, but do what works for you here. They just need to end up on the plate on top of the sand/salt. Keep in mind that dry herbs are quite flammable, so keep them farther away from the candle for fire safety.

Light your candle and begin the ritual - the goal of this ritual is to cut away any problems in your life every 1/2 hour while the candle is burning. The first cut should begin immediately after you have lit the candle and is the most important. I like to speak out loud as I make cuts around the candle with my scissors - I "name" each thing I am cutting as I focus on letting it go to exit my life. As I see it, there are five planes involved in a candle spell like this: to the left and right of the candle, in front of the candle, behind the candle, and above the candle. I was taught that the left side represents the past, the right the future, the back the mental realm, in front the physical realm, and above the spiritual realm. You do not need to use this format, but it can be a helpful way of thinking about WHERE to cut on the candle. Bring whatever is bothering you to mind, speak your intentions to remove it from your life, and then cut the air around the candle in the appropriate location. If you are good at energy work, you may be able to "find" the cord to cut, but it's okay if you can't do this. If something is feeling especially stuck, I sometimes cut the cords from around the candle and then from around my body. I am most likely to do this on the first cut.

Set Your Timer for 30 Minutes - You want to repeat the cutting part of the ritual every 30 minutes for as long as the candle burns. You may find that you are cutting at the same locations every time you return to this action, or you may find areas that need cutting that seem to be revealed as the ritual progresses. You can go with your intuition here or do divination on this subject - I wouldn't start divination for this until you've lit your candle and begun the ritual.

Take an action in your physical life to aid this spell - This is a great opportunity to take real-world steps that reflect the magic you are working on. You could cut your hair. You could clean your space. If you are removing a person from your life, this is the time to block them on social media if you have not done so already.

Rinse and Repeat - You should be cutting as part of this ritual for as long as your candle burns. It is okay to put out and relight your candle as needed; just make sure to burn it in half-hour increments. You could use numerology to your advantage here by burning the candle over nine days (nine is the number of completion). Doing this for the nine days leading up to a new moon would enhance the natural energy of this spell.

Finishing Touches - because this is a spell of removal, you want to clean up and discard any leftover elements of this spell as close to spell completion as possible. These items should be thrown away and I suggest doing so away from your house. I gather the items into a plastic bag and dispose of them in a public trash bin. If you can't do that for whatever reason, at least put them in the bin outside of your house.

How to Modify This Ritual

This ritual can be modified in any way that you can think of to remove something specific.

To Remove a Person From Your Life - To do a gentle cord cutting, repeat this ritual as written. Specify that you are cutting the ties that bind you and the person you want to remove during the cutting sections. Adding an herb like lavender that has a soft and calming domination element to it can aid in this effect. Here you might put your focus on the past, the future, and the physical sides of the candle.

If you need to forcibly remove a person from your life - add in some banishment herbs. If there is an air of obsession on either of your parts, cut in the mental realms as well.

Hexbreaking - this isn't in and of itself a hex-breaking ritual, but it can be used in conjunction with other magics to mollify some of the effects of baneful magic or the evil eye on your person. In this case, it is best to have a good idea of what effect the baneful magic is having and, from there, cut in the appropriate quadrant of the candle specifying "I am cutting away the baneful magic cast by xxx on my xxx". Add hex-breaking herbs to your ritual for this purpose.

Healing - I can't believe I have to say this, but magic cannot heal you of anything major, life-threatening, or chronic. But this spell is especially good at drawing out SYMPTOMS (I have used it to augment the treatment for my chronic illness and to help with colds and viruses in the past). On the step where you rub your candle over your body, focus on areas where you are symptomatic and draw the symptoms out of your body and into the candle. Add herbs that help you with these symptoms to this ritual.

For Help with Trauma - Please only do this if you have some handle on the trauma you have undergone. If you feel that there is a chance that thinking about the trauma may hurt you further, this is not a helpful ritual for you. When you are at a point where you understand your trauma well and wish to do a ritual to help release it, you can cut it away from your body as part of this ritual. It will help to understand where you are carrying the trauma - cut it away from your mental realm if you keep ruminating on it, or away from the belly of your candle if you carry it as stomach issues. You may need a buddy to be with while you attempt this sort of work; tread with care here.

For Intrusive Thoughts - Again, this ritual cannot cure you of intrusive thoughts, but it can help to manage them for a time. Rub the candle all over your head during step 3, focusing on pushing your intrusive thoughts out and into the head of the candle. During the cutting stage, focus on cutting in the mental realm.

I…could go on. If you need to remove it from your person, this ritual can be adapted for that purpose. If you have an idea in your head but don't know how to actualize it, feel free to send me an ask so I can spitball ideas with you.

A Few Final Thoughts

As humans, we tend to accumulate lots of stuff in our minds and in our bodies. This is a ritual that is designed, at its core, to separate out what is ours to carry forward from what we might just be carrying with us. This may not be the right ritual for you; if so, that is completely okay. You should never perform magic that doesn't feel right.

That said, keep in mind that when you clear out a lot of stuff, you can create a bit of a vacuum. Once whatever you want gone IS gone, you should take steps to protect yourself from its return. As always, I hope that this post was helpful. Do you like my work? You can support me by tipping me on KoFi or purchasing an astrology report written just for you.

[lycandrophile]

i just got back from my first ever gynecological exam and somehow, despite the doctor being really nice and way more knowledgeable about trans bodies than i was expecting, it still ended up being incredibly upsetting and honestly probably mildly traumatizing. i’m sure it’s no secret to anyone following me that going to the gynecologist is a uniquely shitty experience for a lot of trans guys and i knew that but i really was not prepared for that.

first of all, everything you read says that the pelvic exam and pap smear shouldn’t hurt even if they’re super uncomfortable, but let me tell you, that shit fucking hurt. like, i have a pretty high pain tolerance and usually even when something does hurt i don’t show it very much, but that was maybe the most painful thing i’ve ever had a doctor do to me and it showed. to be fair, i’ve never had good luck with things like that — i couldn’t even use tampons back when i had a period because the one time i did, taking it out was really painful — and i’m on t now so i’m sure that makes things even harder and i was prepared for it to hurt, but i really wasn’t ready for just bad it was. it’s been an hour since the exam finished and there’s still some pain so, yeah, so much for “it’s just uncomfortable, not painful”.

(and a side note: when it did hurt, the doctor told me to relax my muscles because the tension makes it hurt more. what they didn’t seem to realize is that if your brain and body are collectively rejecting the presence of something inside you, making those muscles relax is a fucking herculean task and i for one was not in any way capable of it so it just…kept getting more painful.)

i also was never informed ahead of time of what a pelvic exam actually entails; i had assumed it was a more general external checkup, and that the pap smear was the only really invasive part. as it turns out, i was very wrong, and “pelvic exam” actually means the doctor sticks their finger up you to feel around. she asked me if i was comfortable getting the exam because it was so obvious that the pap smear didn’t go well, but i had no clue what i was saying yes to and it was a total surprise for me when there was something inside me again. and she knew it was my first time, so she had no reason to assume i knew that the exam would be like. by the time i realized i absolutely should not have said yes to it, i was too late and it was already happening. it really feels like common sense that if you’re going to be giving someone what basically amounts to a professional fingering, you should probably make it clear that that’s what’s about to happen, but i guess that doctor would disagree.

and of course, the whole time i was also being misgendered. the doctor used the right name for me, but the other staff didn’t and everything about it was so excessively gendered (i’m pretty sure the appointment i had was literally called a “women’s wellness visit” on the same sheet that had trans man and nonbinary as gender options). not to mention, when i told them i’m getting top surgery and have the exact date set, the nurse made a comment to like“well aren’t you one of the lucky ones,” which really felt like it had “i think trans guys have a super easy time getting surgeries that cis women have to fight for” energy.

and the irony of all this definitely isn’t lost on me — i just did a project this past semester about how trans guys are fucked over by reproductive healthcare practices so a lot of us just never go, and now i got some firsthand experience in exactly why so many of us just say “no fucking way”.

i just want to put this out there for anyone who hasn’t done it before because i think this would have been a lot less awful for me if someone had just told me “yeah, it might hurt way more than you think, and also that thing they call a pelvic exam is actually an internal exam.” i thought i was prepared and i totally wasn’t, so hopefully this will reach someone else who will be better off knowing all of this.

[etherealspacejelly]

i am once again feeling emotional over the fact that i get to be the trans adult role model i wish i could have had when i was a questioning teenager for a whole new generation of trans kids

hi, im a 21 year old genderqueer demiboy. let me tell you some of my wisdom

you dont need to have dysphoria to be trans. if being a different gender would make you happier and improve your quality of life then do it

you dont have to want top or bottom surgery to be trans. you dont have to want hrt to be trans. if all you want to do is change your name and/or pronouns, thats perfectly ok. if you dont even want to do that, thats ok too

not everyone gets their name or pronouns right first try. theres no shame in changing them multiple times

gender =/= pronouns. you can be nonbinary and use he/him. you can be a cis guy and use they/them. you can be a girl and use ze/hir. its all made up anyway do what makes you feel good

multigender people exist. you can be a boy And a girl. you can be a girl And nonbinary. there are literally infinite options

the only persons gender you should care about is your own. everyone elses is none of your business. if you see someone being trans the 'wrong' way, no you fucking didnt. shut up. what are you, a cop? no one wants to be a cop.

if you fuck around with your gender and realise you're cis after all, you're not a faker or a trender or whatever. you were just figuring yourself out. thats allowed. detransitioners are valid. but! that doesnt give you an excuse to shit on trans people!!! just because You realised you werent trans after all doesnt mean no one is. your experience is not universal

dont engage with terfs/transphobes. dont send them asks or reply to them. just block and move on. trolling them only gives them more ammo to hate us. it doesnt actually help. if someone sends you a transphobic ask, dont answer it. just block them. its better for your mental health in the long run

i love you, and im proud of you.

[scriptlgbt]

How should I show that a character's nonbinary when they themselves don't know? Should I even do it if they'll just be misgendered the whole story?

They're born in the early 70s (when the main story takes place they're 22). They have trans relatives but I don't think they know there are options beyond (a) staying their AGAB, (b) transitioning to the other binary gender, or (c) drag, which isn't really their thing.

I want to make it deeper than "they think gender roles are stupid" but I don't know where to start in portraying an nb egg.

[I'm assuming a lot about the culture of the particular 70s you're referring to. My POV is that I am "canadian" and much of my own personal knowledge of transness in this era comes from research in US archives. YMMV when it comes to places outside the heavily American sphere of cultural influence.]

So first of all, the 70s had a bit of a renaissance of androgyny. A common thing I'll see in advice columns of the era is someone asking what to do as a customer service worker when they "can't tell" what gender they think someone is, because of their hairstyle and the way they are dressed. I imagine there probably were a lot of people who took refuge in that ambiguity. A fro, a pageboy haircut, all these are something that people of any gender (not necessarily every texture but I digress) could wear.

Secondly, I figured out I was nonbinary before I knew it existed, before I had the words for it. (Though the term genderqueer was the in vogue one in the community at the time I figured my stuff out.) It's just that I sort of saw it as, "hmmm, well, I feel kind of between these things." And I think I'd seen it as sort of "half-trans" until I really understood transness better. (Note: this was for like a week tops.) I also went through a period of time a few years before this where I just sort of saw myself as a crossdresser (not drag - just someone who chooses to dress and cut their hair as they are comfortable and feel happy), but like, that as my gender identity, if that makes sense. I didn't have access to community of other people who felt like I did in order to compare to. But at the time, this also meant that when I talked about my feelings with others, they wouldn't have the same hangups about what it would mean for them if they said they felt the same. There were a lot of people I talked to in 2011ish who basically said they experienced gender as I did, only, I don't think most of them would understand for another 4 years at least.

One day I'd like to post more info about nonbinary history (especially in the 70s), but I'm just dumping info at this point. Something I will suggest for more on the topic is reading Lou Sullivan's diary, and reading autobiographies from trans people who were alive then. Even when they weren't out, they still existed, and lived in a world where they were carving out spaces for themselves.

To my understanding also, a lot of trans culture at the time sort of distinguished "transvestite" (trans people generally? but who haven't accessed medical transition) and "transsexual" (trans people who have or are intending to transition medically). Trans people of every variety might change gender expression based on their outness or the safety they had, and this didn't make them less seen as trans per se. A lot of people who ID'd either way (though more for "transvestite") would have a variety of approaches to things like name and pronouns. If this were the dominant terminology of the time that I were figuring things out, I'd probably have called myself a transvestite, though I would have likely been questioning the transsexual label for a while and ultimately not been able to access medical transition. (Though it depends on when in the 70s iirc - there was a time earlier on where it was easier to access I believe, but I'd need to fact check.)

In terms of general nonbinary egg mode stuff, or at least egg for an era where being nonbinary is not widely known to be a thing, here's some 'signs' (some are just straight up "that's canon if you put that in") I've brainstormed.

admiring specific fashion trends and looks that are gender nonconforming or androgynous (especially celebrities - maybe glam rock musicians, Joan Jett) (Joan Jett was huge for egg me personally...)

finding a lot of different ways to express how they feel in words (the "man/woman in a woman/man's body" phrasing is something that has historically bugged me, but people have used it throughout history) (more examples, dependant on the person, "I feel just as un/comfortable in my body and the way people see me as I would if I'd been born differently." "It's not a wo/man's haircut, it's mine." "I feel like a guy among my guy friends and a girl among my girl friends." "I feel uncomfortable when I go out with my partner and we are assumed to be straight/gay, though I don't know why." "I really enjoyed breeches roles when I did theatre in high school." "It felt good when I was mistaken for a woman.")

referring to themselves in their head with neutral terms

having dreams where they are recognized as themselves

feeling at home around trans people and queer people in general

watching or listening to certain songs/movies/etc that feel Gender for them over and over again

some kind of fixation on facial hair/other body part or lack thereof

it feeling different when different people use gendered terminology for the character (ex: a conservative Girl Guide leader calling everyone "ladies" vs a gay man saying "hey girl"). this is usually to do with what it's assumed the speaker's assigned meaning to the word is.

Re: misgendering through the whole story. A really convenient way to curb this would be to just have the character feel like the way they are (mis)gendered is also a part of their identity, it just isn't the whole picture. Another thing I sort of thought of in my early years was like, if people think I'm a woman, at least they understand there is something off about it. Whether they think I'm a butch lesbian or intersex (which was very regularly assumed throughout my life, at least until the general public started to catch wind of genderqueer identities). It matters to me that they at least understand my approach to gender is queer.

Another approach would be to have the story written from a distant past tense where the reader knows the identity of the character, because everything is told in distant hindsight. This is my favourite approach personally.

-mod nat

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

Drink Your Villain Juice - FAQ

Contains mild spoilers.

What is the story about?

You play as a science experiment turned undercover supervillain, charged with gathering information on a mysterious new villain group in town. With many skeletons in your closet and mixed allegiances, whose side are you really on?

Genres: Horror, action, traumatised people trying to heal (or get worse)

Who is involved with this IF?

There's the writer, and there's her wife (the secretary!). Both of us are active on the blog, so you may sometimes see posts unrelated directly to DYVJ, usually tagged #unrelated.

What are the protagonist's powers?

The protagonist/MC can grow a protective membrane over their body, forming two tendrils from their shoulders. The membrane makes them stronger, faster, and more resilient.

MC can also select one of three power specialities: inducing wild and uncontrolled mutations of their body, creating small creepy-crawly minions (referred to as 'nodes'), and growing an armoured carapace.

Will we be able to gain multiple powers/will you add new powers?

No: both would add too much complexity and also detract from the significance of the choice.

Will our powers get stronger?

Yes, to an extent, but I don't write based on power levels anyway. :)

Who is this Paradigm/Dime person people keep talking about?

Paradigm, AKA Dime, is the MC! It's their codename with their 'true' faction.

How long will the story be? Is it going to be a series?

Length: I have no idea! I'm not intending to get completely bonkers, but I want to ensure all the ROs get their time in the sun too.

Series: I suspect this will be a duology, but I can't be certain yet as we're not deep enough into the narrative.

Did you say Romance Options!? Elaborate!

There are currently 7 romanceable characters in DYVJ. You can also play the MC as aromantic, asexual, or both. The ROs are explained in more detail on choice of games, but briefly:

Mallory (non-binary), Wilson/Wilma/Willow (gender-selectable), Kay (female), Teddie (male, men only), Control Group (female), Alistair (male), Beth (female, women/nonbinaries).

I'm intending on including at least one poly route, featuring Wil and Kay.

I've heard there's a choice to have a previous RO in the past?

Correct! There's a flashback sequence with MC and some friends before the supervillainy. You can choose to have MC dating or crushing on Prii (nonbinary), Shauna (female), Grant (male), or Beth (female). This doesn't prevent you from romancing someone else later on!

Will the characters from the flashback show up again?

I can promise some level of closure! There won't be romance routes though. (Beth notwithstanding)

Will you make [X] an RO?

Seven is already an awful lot! I don't want to overcommit by adding more!

Can I select all the options for the Juice changing my character's appearance?

I'm presently not planning on adding this. I'd have to alter some code in an annoying way and I enjoy it being a choice with intent instead of an 'all of the above'.

Will we be able to get off the Juice/free from control?

Keep playing and see. ;)

How villainous can I get?/Do I have to be a villain?

There will be opportunities to leap off the proverbial slippery slope, but also to be unhappy and conflicted about what you're being forced to do.

Drink Your Villain Juice! is kind of a goofy name.

So I've heard! I know it's given people the impression that this is a comedy, which it, uh, very much is not. Honestly Drink Your Villain Juice! was the only title that popped for me in the conceptual stage: everything else felt much more bland or generic.

I've found a bug, how can I let you know?

First, please make sure you didn't resume playing on Dashingdon from an old save: updates to Dashingdon tend to break a lot of stuff in the backend and that's been the root of a lot of errors in the past.

If you're confident this isn't the problem, then just send an ask or post on the COG forum! I'll look into it.

I'd like to give feedback on the game!

Once again, send an ask, or post on the COG forum. I also have a feedback form I'm trying out for each chapter, so you can fill that out if you like!

Can I support you?

That's very kind of you! Support from fans is how I can work on the game and update as frequently as I do. I have a Patreon and a Ko-fi, but honestly, I'm grateful just for your feedback. :)

Do you have a discord?

Yes, it's tied to Patreon membership. However, if you have sent a tip/donation/etc, please reach out to DYVJ requests to talk about an invite. :)

[multigenderswag]

Multigender Survey Results Dec 2023: Anything else relevant

Participants were asked "Share anything else about your multigender identity that you find relevant" and had the option to respond with long answer text. Some notable responses include:

As a m+f bigender person who uses he/she pronouns, I sometimes feel like the "he" refers to my female side, and the "she" refers to my male side

I am no longer religious/Christian, but the expression “God is Change” resonates deeply with me and my approach to gender as experience. I accept that my gender (holistically) is an amalgamation, something that breathes new life into itself repeatedly and often unexpectedly, sustained by its own willingness to grow past its bounds and taste richness anew. Teaching is part of my work, and as such I consider myself an eternal student: gender is just one avenue for discovery and learning for me.

I feel so boring but it is what it is, name wise I use one (completely feminine) with group A and one (completely masculine) with group B and hope and pray that they never interact

I identified as a 'tomboy' (gender wise) as a child and transmasc as a teenager. As an adult part of my being multigender is honouring these past versions of myself and acknowledging that who I was is an important part of who I am today.

I like to describe my gender like this: imagine there’s a house on a street. the house represents being a boy/male, and being *in* the house means you’re binary male. The road represents a neutral, non-male/female gender. My gender is like the driveway — both part of the road *and* the house

i think this is relevant-ish, but the way i experience gender kind of feels like. there's a man and a woman in my head at all times, not in a system way so much as a (this is very obviously stupid but i can't find another comparison to articulate it) inside out way. they're both always there, and they're both separate, but at the same time, they come together to make the same person, me! nonbinary is a label i understand and identify with, mostly to simplify the matter for others, but in reality, it kind of feels like a... superbinary of sorts. i'm 100% a man, and 100% a woman, but because the binary only "allows" you to choose one, nonbinary is technically correct, isn't it?

I'm multigender in the "one gender that fits into several categories" way than being multigender in a "has multiple genders" way

My gender is the intersection of butch dyke and trans man. I'm questioning things right now, but I'm somewhere in that region, with a foot in both at once. I've always been drawn to butchness and sapphicism as well as transmasculinity. I think most of my journey to understand my gender has been a balancing act between identifying as enough of a guy to feel comfortable in my skin but non-binary enough to not have to abandon my identity with butchness. Recently I've adopted the label multigender, and it's helped a lot. I'm only even a little bit a girl if I can be a boy first and foremost, and I could be just a boy or just a dyke but I would have to kill part of myself to do so. I'm trying to find a way to exist in my gender without blood on my hands. I think I'm getting there. It's hard but I'm getting there.

It is complicated but I love it

Yay I love multi gender people we are so cool. <3

A number of participants also referenced being autistic and how that has influenced their multigender identity, so it is possible that autism may be included as a question on the next survey.

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

Why Wishverse Buffy Fuels my "Buffy Summers is nonbinary" head canon

I will write my entire Non-binary Buffy meta post someday but it's a lot and for now I've got people asking about my wishverse + gender thoughts so I went ahead and wrote this piece of it. Wishverse!Buffy raises a lot of questions about Buffy's gender identity and gender expression. Like, why is Our Buffy so insistent that's she's Definitely A Girl with a feminine gender presentation when Wishverse!Buffy Who Has No One To Impress And Doesn't Care How She's Perceived presents as butch or masculine or even transmasc?

And this change in presentation isn't just the result of Wishverse!Buffy having nothing in her life outside of slaying. We've also met another Slayer (Kendra) who has no friends, no family, no one to impress except her Watcher who only cares about her usefulness as a Slayer, who still presents as feminine? We also meet Faith who only really has Buffy in her life to care about for a lot of s3 but Faith + gender is a whole other post (and this is not that post haha so we're not going there today).

Wishverse!Buffy is the ONLY TIME in canon that we meet a Buffy who doesn't care at all about how people perceive her, and she drops a lot of her femininity. Since Kendra's Watcher didn't try to take her own femininity from her—I mean, the girl named her own stake because she has nothing to care about besides weapons but her Watcher buys her jewelry and makeup?—surely Wishverse!Buffy also had wardrobe options and she chose THIS. Also I can understand why Buffy's Cleveland Watcher insisted she lose the dresses and skirts and heels from her wardrobe, but Buffy did have athletic wear we saw her training in sometimes in the library, so why did Wishverse!Buffy go out and buy herself completely new clothes? And instead of shorts and sports bras and t-shirts she chose this??? She took the time to buy a cross but no chain for it! That looks like she tied it into jewelry herself. Just...look at her:

Also WHY in season 2 when Buffy meets Kendra for the first time does Buffy suddenly have the queerest outfit she's ever worn in her entire life and Kendra looks so gorgeous and feminine and put together? What were the costumers trying to say?? Buffy looks like a lesbian. Or I know non-binary and transmasc people who dress like that (myself included sometimes). Oversized shirts help so much with chest dysphoria and/or achieving a more masculine appearance I'm just saying.

Actually she kind of looks like Oz and that guy has the most trans guy style and energy ever???

I digress. Wishverse!Buffy is not Buffy simply choosing not to care about hair and makeup and fashion because she's depressed. Look at s5 and s6 Buffy. She is so depressed, so Not Okay, but there's one key difference between these two characters: unlike Wishverse!Buffy, canon Buffy cares SO DEEPLY about what others think of her. She even says as much to Spike:

BUFFY: I guess. Everyone...they all care. They all care so much, it...makes it all harder. SPIKE: I'm not sure I followed you around that bend, love. BUFFY: I don't know. I just, I feel like I'm spending all of my time trying to be okay, so they don't worry. It's exhausting. And then, I... SPIKE: And that makes 'em worry even more. (6x04 Flooded)

MY POINT IS the only time Buffy stops focusing so much on what others think about her and stops performing for others and simply allows herself to exist, she stops performing a lot of femininity and gender stuff as well. And I do think Buffy finds some enjoyment in being feminine and fashion, but how much of it is genuine enjoyment and how much is Buffy earnestly saying "I'm a normal girl and no one can say otherwise, look at how normal I am, I am the girliest girl who ever girled!!!!!" As in, Buffy's insistence that she's a girl isn't actually about wanting people to think she's a girl. It's about wanting people to think she's "normal," and that means them seeing her as a girl. When she actually isn't (a girl), because she's non-binary.

Also I KNOW that gender expression =/= gender identity, but since we are not Buffy and therefore cannot know what she thinks and how she would identify if given the education and label options, we can only look at what she says and how she dresses and acts. Buffy Summers is non-binary TO ME. And Wishverse!Buffy is a piece of why I think so. Meta post incoming one day when I write it all down.

[carabas]

Dragon Age Veilguard liveblogging -

Varric: "Normally, my advice on befriending abominations would be 'Don't.' In this case... just keep an eye on him." I'm happy there's an Anders reference at all in this game where we can import almost nothing of our worldstate, even if it is Varric's usual griping. I hope we actually get to see Varric interact with the newer companions at some point because I really want to see if he'll somehow wind up trying to adopt Lucanis too, make it three for three on breaking his own heart trying to help every spirit companion he meets.

Bellara's tour of horrifying ancient artifacts, one sealed room after another containing dangerous relics that break people down to their component parts or set them on fire or something similarly lethal, and then finally you reach the last sealed room, holding only...

...a wheel of cheese.

I'm enjoying running around performing rituals that honor the evanuris who we are actively fighting against without anyone on the team objecting to this. Mythal, okay. But Falon'din - a Rook who saw the Mourn Watch as his own form of devotion to Falon'din learns his gods were tyrants and then, having reached whatever level of acceptance he's at with that, nonetheless winds up performing a ritual before Falon'din's statue specifically, his specific blighted tyrant god whose symbols he's still tattooed with, and being tangibly rewarded for it. I love this. I hope we have to perform a ritual for Ghilan'nain or Elgar'nan next.

Talking with Lucanis, my Rook had the option to mention that he's nonbinary! In the part of the character creator where you pick Rook's pronouns and gender identity separately, there was a note that the gender identity setting doesn't affect gameplay, so pleasant surprise to see it come up in dialogue after all. (At least, I'm assuming that the gender identity setting in the character creator is what got me that dialogue option. There was also a clearly marked chance to establish Rook as being trans/nb while looking into Varric's mirror earlier, but I'd picked the option to muse about Rook's Significant Tattoos there instead.)

There have been so, so many appearances by beloved characters or references to previous events despite the limited worldstate customization, but one of my favorites so far was in Minrathous, encountering someone who'd been kidnapped from the Denerim alienage back in Origins by the Tevinter slavers, now working with the Shadow Dragons. Nice little followup I wasn't expecting. And now she's dead because of a choice I made. Thank you, game, for that particular stab in the heart, it's super effective. And Neve's whole city is devastated because of a choice Rook made, and this after she's been wearing very visible bruises for most of the game so far because of a choice Rook made, and the gods are free because of a choice Rook made while trying to save the world, and the game keeps sending Rook on these rescue missions for people he tries and fails to save... and in between all this Rook is living out the memories of Solas's regrets. And the game keeps asking you who you think Solas is. Do you think you can trust him. Do you think he's lonely. Why did they change the title of this game, this is the Dread Wolf game.

"In the name of Elgar'nan, First of the Firstborn, He who was called Lusacan..." !!!!!!!! Finally ;_; one of the correspondences confirmed ;_; tears of joy ;_; I was hoping Elgar'nan = Dumat but I'll take it ;_; I need to go back and rethink all the others now, who was Urthemiel, which god is the Warden's son (if this is actually answered in this game don't tell me)

"Because you're a Mourn Watcher, Emmrich talks in-depth about spirits and necromancy with you" - victory fist pump, this game just keeps giving me everything I want

Rook had SO MUCH Mourn Watch-specific dialogue on Emmrich's recruitment mission! I think it was literally every line, this is Rook's home and he knows all its rituals and do you think the wisps here remember me - it's like Bioware saw the jokes about Lavellan's "Who's Mythal?" and made absolutely 120% sure Rook knows where he came from. But there had been almost nothing prior to this mission - one line where Rook got to play up the ~spooky necromancer~ angle to tease one of Neve's contacts, that's about it - so getting this absolute flood of Mourn Watch dialogue now really makes it feel like it must be such a relief for Rook to be able to talk to Emmrich, especially when they've been discussing people's comfort level or lack thereof with necromancy outside Nevarra. Also, no wonder Rook settled into the meditation room with that greenish underwater lighting, feels just like home.

[tepli-mravenci]

hey homonoromo! a czech related question: how is it with queer acceptance in your country? preferrably in brno, haha. and especially about trans people? do you think it'd be possible for me to transition there? and how much would it cost in general? and do i have to get psych approval and wait in the queue for years or stuff like in the uk?

i know you're not a consultant or anything, i just don't know who to ask. also, i guess that's way more than one question

Aight so when it comes to acceptance it really comes to individual people but regarding transition there's a couple things to consider:

- according to law you are required (among other things) to get sterilized to complete your transition if you're transitioning fully from one binary gender to another (aka you want your personal documents say you're that gender and you want a name that's purely given to people of that gender), also there's no nonbinary option for the "full" transition, you either have M or F on your ID

- before you're allowed to start taking HRT you need to go to a therapist essentially, it really depends on WHERE exactly and WHO your therapist is and I don't know the Brno situation but there are forums (mostly on Facebook I think) where people discuss their experiences (also čumblr Brňáci might know more than me)

- this is also individual when it comes to how long you'll be waiting, how long they'll be examining you and how long it will take you to transition

- I'm not sure how MONEY works when you have a non-czech insurance company (since I have no idea how insurance works) but if you do have one that operates in the Czech republic they WILL pay for your transition as if it were any other medical treatment (there's of course examinations and shit that determine whether it will psychologically benefit you to receive that treatment), you should still check if your insurance covers these kinds of things tho

- during your examination period you're first required to "try out" presenting yourself socially as the gender you're transitioning to which includes using a gender neutral name

- a recent GOOD development here is that you can now change your name to a neutral one ANYTIME even if you're not "officially" transitioning! Here's a list of legally approved gender neutral names!

- there are invasive and unnecessary examinations that should not be mandatory for the transition but your therapist can still try to make you go through them, depends again on the specific one, it's also important to remember that the way trans people are diagnosed here is reportedly ancient and just...really stupid? (to quote what my classmate told me, they asked him things like "did you play with dolls or cars as a child?")

- if you are married (to someone of the opposite sex) or in a registered partnership (with someone of the same sex) pre-transition, you have to get divorced when you complete transition because they're not the same on a legal level

Trans*parent is a great Czech resource when it comes to transition and trans stuff in general

I am not sure how different it is with foreigners or even if you'd find a therapist who speaks english honestly. Don't quote me on this but you might need to get Czech citizenship first? But I really don't know.

If I said something stupid or inaccurate (or no longer relevant) here pls correct me!!

[celepom]

FAVOURITE GRAPHIC NOVELS OF 2023

The Infinity Particle - By Wendy Xu

In this gorgeous graphic novel by Wendy Xu, co-creator of the award-winning Mooncakes, a young inventor falls for a lifelike AI and confronts questions of freedom and autonomy. Clementine Chang moves from Earth to Mars for a new start and is lucky enough to land her dream job with Dr. Marcella Lin, an Artificial Intelligence pioneer. On her first day of work, Clem meets Dr. Lin’s assistant, a humanoid AI named Kye. Clem is no stranger to robots—she built herself a cute moth-shaped companion named SENA. Still, there’s something about Kye that feels almost too human. When Clem and Kye begin to collaborate, their chemistry sets off sparks. The only downside? Dr. Lin is enraged by Kye’s growing independence and won’t allow him more freedom. Plus, their relationship throws into question everything Clem thought she knew about AI. After all, if Kye is sentient enough to have feelings, shouldn’t he be able to control his own actions? Where is the line between AI and human? As her past and Kye’s future weigh down on her, Clem becomes determined to help him break free—even if it means risking everything she came to Mars for.

Not Sew-Wicked Stepmom - By i r u, Yir, Mo9Rang

Once upon a time, there was a lovely young princess who suffered under her cruel stepmother…that is, until a children’s clothing designer is reborn as the evil stepmother! All the new Queen Abigail Friedkin wants to do is dote on the adorable Princess Blanche and give her the happy childhood she deserves. The problem is, the previous Abigail has garnered a reputation for being extremely jealous and materialistic—and to top it off, her smile is the stuff of children’s nightmares! Will Abigail be able to convince her stepdaughter that she might not be so wicked after all? 

(TW, childhood SA of the main male lead)

Until I Love Myself: The Journey of a Nonbinary Manga Artist

A bravely blunt autobiography about confronting the tangled traumas of gender dysphoria and workplace sexual harassment. Nonbinary manga artist Poppy Pesuyama is excited when forms offer the option to choose “neither” for gender and thrilled about their new job working as an assistant for mangaka X! But then he sexually harasses them, treating them first like a girl and then like something less than human. It only lasts a few months, but in some ways it never ends. Born into a body they hate and still reeling from the abuse they faced seven years ago, Pesuyama begins to rail at their past, their friends, and even their mother as they try to come to terms with who they are and what happened to them.

Belle of the Ball - By Mari Costa

High-school senior and notorious wallflower Hawkins finally works up the courage to remove her mascot mask and ask out her longtime crush: Regina Moreno, head cheerleader, academic overachiever, and all-around popular girl. There’s only one teensy little problem: Regina is already dating Chloe Kitagawa, athletic all-star…and middling English student. Regina sees a perfectly self-serving opportunity here, and asks the smitten Hawkins to tutor Chloe free of charge, knowing Hawkins will do anything to get closer to her. And while Regina’s plan works at first, she doesn’t realize that Hawkins and Chloe knew each other as kids, when Hawkins went by Belle and wore princess dresses to school every single day. Before long, romance does start to blossom…but not between who you might expect. With Belle of the Ball, cartoonist Mariana Costa has reinvigorated satisfying, reliable tropes into your new favorite teen romantic comedy.

The Princess and the Grilled Cheese Sandwich - By Deya Muniz

Lady Camembert wants to live life on her own terms, without marriage. Well, without marrying a man, that is. But the law of the land is that women cannot inherit. So when her father passes away, she does the only thing she can: She disguises herself as a man and moves to the capital city of the Kingdom of Fromage to start over as Count Camembert.   But it’s hard to keep a low profile when the beautiful Princess Brie, with her fierce activism and great sense of fashion, catches her attention. Camembert can’t resist getting to know the princess, but as the two grow closer, will she able to keep her secret?   A romantic comedy about mistaken identity, true love, and lots of grilled cheese.

[writinrealslow]

Hi Writin, fellow viewer here.

I recently watched your video on talking about nonbinary character design and i found it to be really insightful. It made me realize that I wanted to add more nonbinary and trans characters into my story that im writing one way or another. So thank you for that. You did mention that if we wished we could ask for your own opinion on our designs, so Id like to show you a character that Ive been working on.

Id like to preface by saying that my story takes place on fictional planet so technically everyone is and alien. The inhabitants are called Violettans (after the name of their planet Violetta). Violettans are humane in apperance besides having elf like ears, naturally having coloured eyes and hair and some do have horns and atennae but thats not featured in my characters design.

This is Amenza.

They use they/them. How I have them characterized so far is they tend to try to act mature and more serious due to them being the younger sibiling and attempting to be taken more seriously, along with helping out their family with their food truck business. Theyre a side character in my story and mainly come in when one of my main leads decides to start a band and them being interested in joining. They love music and playing the guitar and bass.

At first I wanted them to have a more fem presenting apperance but after conceptualizing it and showing it to some friends, I kinda didnt like the style and unfortunately they kept getting misgendered.

I ended up redesigning them to the first look you see of them. I dont know, what are your thoughts on them? Im sorry if the description of them seems dull, Im still writing for them so Im trying to figure out their full personality through my writing and I dont wanna bore you with my ideas.

I do have one more question for you, how do you have a nonbinary character introduce themselves without it sounding "performative". Im stuck with the dilemna of them making clear what pronouns they go by but without it sounding...odd? Do you have any ideas?

Thanks so much!

As far as design and personality goes, you seem to have it all down pretty well. I also think they're really cute in both outfits, so you did a great job there! I'll be frank, you'll probably just have to get used to people misgendering them, as even when people design the most gender neutral character possible, some people will still insist on misgendering them, which isn't going to be your fault, it'll be their fault for being obstinate dickheads about it. So long as you make it clear that they're nonbinary, people will either get the message and change how they talk about amenza, or they'll refuse and you'll know they're being transphobic and that their opinions don't matter anymore.

If you want to make them more fem-presenting, then it's perfectly fine to lean into it. Amenza's personality and what makes them the most comfortable should matter more than the arbitrary expectation of androgyny. Do what you think works best for them and they'll be good enby representation.

As far as introductions go, there are a few ways to go about it. You could have a friend introduce them and say something along the lines of "this is amenza, they play the guitar" and then just continue to refer to them using the proper pronouns. This is what you might call "implicit canonization," wherein the character's identity is made clear through normal conversation.

Another way you can do it is the way I mentioned in character design video: someone accidentally misgenders Amenza and they correct them. This is more explicit and also comes up just as naturally as tje first option, and it also makes amenza's identity something they claim for themself without needing to go into the details of their gender identity.

Finally, you can bite the bullet and just have them say that they're nonbinary. The most natural way to do this would be to have the person they correct ask them about it. Some people might claim this is unnatural, but this literally happened to me yesterday at work.

Don't worry about being considered performative, because more often than not, the people who accuse you of that are acting in bad faith, and the people you're making nonbinary characters for will appreciate feeling seen. Amenza sounds like a fun character, and you should be allowed to have fun making them without worrying about people throwing a fit. So long as you're respectful in your depiction, it'll be hard to go wrong.

Thanks for showing them to me, they sound really cool! ^_^

[doberbutts]

Hi! Very sorry about the vague bitesports ask - I wasn’t actually aware that there were multiple types!

Could you start by explaining a bit more about what you and Fenris do for mondioring?

Oh, sure, but I think first you should acquaint yourself with the rulebook: https://www.fci.be/medias/UTI-REG-MON-en-4624.pdf

(This is a PDF file, it will download, that is intentional and not a virus I promise, I have literally this exact file from this exact link saved on both my phone and my laptop)

Your original questions were:

What is the overall goal of the sport/what is the dog specifically being trained to do? Are there competitions, and if so, how are they judged?

In regards to mondioring, mondioring is a competitive protection dog sport based off of french ring, which was based off of belgian ring, which was based off of the belgian border patrol program. However mondioring itself was always intended to be a sport, not a military or police program or something to determine breed-worthiness. It was developed as a fun handler's challenge instead of anything else.

As a side note, I think this is why mondio tends to have the most relaxed atmosphere as well as tends to draw the least amount of really intensely bigoted people of all the bitesports. I'm not saying they don't exist in mondio, in fact I can name a few names right now that are rather notorious for it. But it's very unlike IGP (the most popular bitesport within the US) where you can't go a week without tripping over a nazi, a sexual predator, or a domestic abuser... occasionally all of them in the same person... being outed and then immediately defended by the wider sport-going population. I also find it tends to be more friendly to women, racial minorities, disability, and marginalized genders and sexualities- which was reflected in a recent poll done by the USMRA that stated that while it's mostly half and half, it's technically women-led in the US with 51.6% of competitors identifying as women and the rest identifying as men.

(Which either means there was no nonbinary option on the poll or what nonbinary people took the poll were not comfortable identifying as such, which tbh is fair, bc as said bitesports tend to be a hellscape for anyone who's not cishet white and abled- I know I have two nb ppl in my club but they also id as nb women so that may also skew results if not polled correctly)

The goal of mondio is, put simply, good and correct work in increasingly challenging and ever-changing environments. Mondio differs from other sports because each trial is different. They are themed and each theme can completely change the picture. Unlike in sports like agility, or even sports like IGP and french ring, where the jumps always look roughly the same and the retrieves are always dumbbells and there's always a pause table and it's a specific pattern that maybe the individual method of going about the pattern changes from field to field, the total picture always looks roughly the same to the dog... in mondio, the exercises are always the same in the vaguest sense but the means of going about them are different.

For instance, we just had USMRA nationals, which was a pirates theme. That means that the jumps looked like pieces of ships sticking out of "water" (grass), the distractions to see if the dog would break its stay included the decoys having a sword fight, cannons and splashes of water went off constantly, the retrieves were things like toy treasure chests, glass bottles with paper inside, swords, and gold coins... The work that the dog has to do remains the same- you must stay, you must retrieve, you must jump, you must bite- but this becomes more a test of how well your dog has generalized these behaviors and how strong your dog's nerve are environmentally than of precision or perfection.

That is also why you can still place on the winner's podium even if you don't qualify on a passing score. This is recognized to be difficult, so those who don't DQ are still praised for trying. Failure has the attitude of "you gave it your best! now you know what to work on for your next try!"

It also means the judge is looking more for overall correctness rather than dinging you for every possible infraction (usually)

Finally, having done both IGP (with Creed) and mondio (with Creed and with Fenris), I'd say that mondio is less mentally stressful on the dog when it comes to protection itself. There is less focus on defense and aggression and more focus on prey and play. While some exists (face attack, defense of handler), the best way I've ever heard it put is that mondio is much more of a conversation between the decoy and the dog where they are sparring partners instead of mortal enemies.

Creed genuinely wanted to hurt the decoys who worked him, and got angry at the thought of being held back from doing so, and technically that is very correct for a doberman to displace such defensiveness and anger in their protection. Fenris does want to keep biting the decoy, but it is more because he finds this to be a very fun and deeply pleasurable thing to do rather than any feelings of actually wanting to cause harm. I also have been very careful not to work him on decoys that will bring this out of him, even though I do think it is correct for the breed to be like that, because his breeder assures me that when the time is right he will with the defense he needs. I have no need for a civil dog, and what little protection in my day-to-day I've required he's more than satisfied, so to me as long as he passes his temperament tests as an adult and is competitive in sport, I don't really need him to be another Creed.

[campbyler]

Hi!

I’m curious, when you planned this fic, did you discuss about maybe having genderneutral (or just gender free) cabins? The gender binary is really the only thing bugging me while I read 😅

I get that those may not yet be reality, but I kinda hope that the possibility at least crossed your minds. If not, I hope it’s doing so now. 🙂

Apart from that, I love this fic! You are such talented writers, all 3 of you! 💛

Best wishes,

One of your non-binary fans

hi! your ask has a few different things i’d like to address:

first, we actually did discuss the logistics of the cabins when beginning to worldbuild for this fic. we talked about eliminating that disctinction altogether and just having all the cabins be gender neutral/coed, but ran into a couple logistical issues with this. i agree, nonbinary campers absolutely do exist, but going off that same realism vein, someone pointed out that it would be inevitable that hopper would get one million angry messages from parents complaining about the sleeping arrangements, which would most likely be true even if this fic didn’t take place in rural indiana.

i understand that having boys and girls cabins can be frustrating to you as a nonbinary reader, and i empathize — at least two of us currently identify with gender identities outside of that binary — but i would like to gently remind you that this is a fictional summer camp in a fanfiction about a show’s fictional world. to put it plainly: it’s not real. we haven’t excluded gender neutral cabins because we don’t think they should exist or that nonbinary children don’t exist. it’s just… it’s a fanfiction. about summer camp. we imagine that the rest of the camp has plenty of accommodations — gender neutral bathrooms, name tag options w pronouns, probably a couple of shower facilities outside of the cabins — but when it comes to long term sleeping arrangements, there’s probably only so much hopper can do. if it were that imperative to a camper that they be placed in entire gender neutral accommodations, camp whiteman (a fictional place! in a fanfiction!) is probably just not the best fit for them.

i know this ask came from a good place, and again, i do empathize with how frustrating the gender binary can be when you don’t fall into it, but i’d just like to remind you that we are doing our best. while we try to root as much of our worldbuilding in realism as possible, this is not an original work we’re posting, and frankly, no matter what we did, there would probably still be someone who wasn’t completely happy with it.

[nonbinaryresource]

hmmmm not sure how to phrase this exactly, but I've been looking through the questioning tag and thought I could try just asking specifically. (Sorry it got quite long!)

I'm pretty sure watching too many trans tiktoks did not make me nonbinary, but it sure brought up questions. Mainly, what if relating to nonbinary/trans experiences in my case is just that, relating? I'm thinking I might be nonbinary or trans, all because I suck at almost everything considered my gender, from looks to skills and so my "disphoria" is me not liking how others see me, rather than it being my body. I don't want to be my body to people first and then my person, besides I get the feeling top surgery would make me look and feel aesthetically cooler lol but that's just me

Is that a thing or I'm just extremely in denial?

Not sure if you caught the study we were just reblogging on how dysphoria and transness is not caused by "social contagion" like tiktoks, but if not, it feels relevant to link.

Researchers from the Fenway Institute disproved the theory of "rapid-onset gender dysphoria" (RODG) and determined that "social contagion" does not influence gender identity in the largest study of its kind, published earlier this month in Pediatrics journal.

"The hypothesis that transgender and gender diverse youth assigned female at birth identify as transgender due to social contagion does not hold up to scrutiny and should not be used to argue against the provision of gender-affirming medical care for adolescents," Dr. Alex S. Keuroghlian, the study's senior author and director of Fenway's National LGBTQIA+ Health Education Center, and the Massachusetts General Hospital Psychiatry Gender Identity Program, said in a statement.

But I'm gonna focus on the idea of "what if I just relate to trans experiences but aren't trans?"

Okay.

So.

What if you do?

What?

Then what?

You...find out more about yourself?

You...discover new things about your own feelings and comfort?

You...consider all of the options and come to decide on which label is best for you to adopt?

I'm not seeing a downside here. I'm not seeing anything to panic about. The transphobes have turned exploration and experimentation into the boogeyman. Life is about exploration and experimentation. Capitalism has absolutely ruined us. It's ridiculous to expect children who aren't even done psychologically developing yet to know and pick their life path and dedicate the rest of their life to it, including going thousands of dollars in debt to get a degree if necessary. It's ridiculous to expect people to not explore and experiment and have some damn fun in life, whether that's trying out 60 different jobs to find something that they want to do or discarding and picking up a new hobby each every single week to find what they actually find enjoyable or playing around with genders/sexualities/names/pronouns/clothes/etc. to figure out their feelings and better get to know who they are.

There is nothing - NOTHING - inherently wrong, bad, or immature about exploration and experimentation in life period.

So what if you relate to trans experiences but are actually cis? So what you identify as trans now for whatever length of time and change how you label later? So what?

I am so tired of the idea that anybody knows what they are doing ever. Nobody knows! We're all just making it up! The imposter syndrome we're putting everyone through for every aspect of their lives - from their jobs to their hobbies to their genders to their sexualities - is out of control. The society we have built is not meant for people. And that's incredibly, incredibly heartbreaking.

People should be allowed to play and explore and experiment!

People should be allowed to grow and change!

People should be allowed to be confused and unsure!

People should be allowed to not know!

People should be allowed to try on identities like we try on clothes at the store!

Fuck the self-gaslighting society is pressuring you to put yourself through.

I don't care what you know for sure. I don't care if you're going by a label you're unsure of. I don't care if you're going by a label you know is technically not the most accurate. I don't care if you stuck up a bunch of identity labels on a dart board, threw a dart, and decided to identify as that one. I'm here for you. The messy, confused, complex, hard to understand you. The real you.

Could it be a thing that you relate to trans experiences, don't really relate to cis experiences, and yet are cis? Sure. (Slightly tangential, but I think you might get some food for thought out of this piece of writing.)

But don't sit here thinking you have to identify as cis because you don't have "proof" of being trans. That's not a thing. It's just what the transphobes want you to think. You can identify as any damn thing you want (let's avoid cultural appropriation, though!), even if you're only 0.5% thinking you might be that thing.

If you think you might be nonbinary, practice not giving into the thoughts like "but I can't really be nonbinary because I'm only just now thinking about it". Practice letting yourself try out being nonbinary! For at least several months, unless it's just too terrible and you realize right away that it's not right for you. Don't debate on this or put yourself through a court of law or beat yourself down. Just let yourself be nonbinary. In a couple months, then come back to the questions of "is this right for me?".

And there is no "right" or "wrong" reason to identify with whatever identity. Some people identify as nonbinary because they have a very specific, pinpointable, non-binary gender. Others identify as nonbinary because they're not really sure but nonbinary makes them the most comfortable. Others identify as nonbinary because they want to be nonbinary. Others identify as nonbinary because they don't relate to or don't understand or don't want to identify with the binarily gendered structure of our society. Whatever your reasoning, it's both valid and nobody else's business (though ofc you can tell anybody why if it's what YOU want to do).

~Mod Pluto

P.S. If anything in this ask comes off as angry or frustrated, it is not with you. It is towards society and bigots who purport attitudes that harm people, even if in seemingly "little" ways like making them feel like they can't trust their own feelings.