#they are very connected emotional level
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penny alex is a good ship, i feel it in my bones - - - - - [ the real fuel is of penex is @ stardewsally ]
#penex#i find it so funny how sam's secret notes includes penny; but penny's secret note includes alex's grandparents but no sam#sdv#stardew valley#sdv alex#sdv penny#stardew alex#stardew penny#if farmer doesn't exist; i wish both of them happiness#stardew valley alex#stardew valley penny#fanart#penny just loves the warm atmosphere in mullner's household#she felt appreciated there#thanks to grandma evelyne#she is such an angel#but they both longing for a warm family & home#they are made for each other#just need a little push of fanarts from us is all#they are very connected emotional level#alex would want to protect penny from whatever pam's doing to her emotionally#and penny makes alex realizes he wants loving home more than fame & fortune#while he would still try to achieve his dream
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All the advertising I saw for Elemental:
Check out this wacky adventure between a fire person and a water person! A Tree Child Flirts with her! LOL! HEY LOOK CLOUD PEOPLE! *cartoon spring and honking noises*
Me: I don’t… want to watch that. Oh well, that’s fine.
Me actually watching it:
Oh wait, it’s a story of an immigrant family who come with nothing and build a community for themselves and their people and the weight of debt you feel to your parents who sacrificed for you to succeed but the way that that success sometimes isn’t what you want and how parental love can feel conditional when there’s a lack of clear communication and—
Me getting to the end: SHE BOWED AND HE BOWED BACK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💦💧💦💧💦💧💦💧💦🌊🌊🌊🌊🚿🚿🚿
#elemental#elemental spoilers#listen fucking Disney being brought in to advertise and then take over Pixar was a FUCKING MISTAKE#but also the surprise was ok#It was layered#you had the racism#you have the prejudice#you have the rich kid but who’s family is in touch with their emotions#so he connects to people at an emotional level#you have the very ah Asian coded family who came with nothing but their blue fire and strong spirit#who build a place for themselves AND their community#you get the aging parents who want you to continue with their legacy#that heavy debt on their kid’s shoulders#but also get her missing the meaning of their love and effects on#just#I’m getting emotional thinking about it again#anyway#I made it through the movie and then cried at the bow#so Pixar wins another point for once again making me cry#it’s been a while but they get that one#oh also look at who directed it#this person does?? everything? voice acts animates and now directs?#what can’t they do?#also obviously no shame to anyone who does like whacky adventures with cartoon honking like those are totally fun and cool#I just wasn’t in the mood for that kind of thing at the moment
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Tragic! Gorgeous game with extremely moving premise deathly afflicted with 2011 dialogue writing
#playing to the moon with kal and i cannnnot stand the protagonists jc#like i remember there being a plot point about ethical questioning of their corporation with protests etc#so i am PRAYING that their irony poisoned attitude gets dissected and dismantled in the story#but so far it is very grating. in a way that actively distracts and takes away from the emotional beats of the story#which is doubly annoying because eva DOES have small moments where it seems like she connects with johnny on a human level#but they never go anywhere.#like kal said ''it would be better if they were either way better people or a lot worse''#this way it's just. annoying
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Long-PSA-short of sorts that's more a vent: I was always aware my behavior and way of expressing myself online can surprise many people, especially if they are not used to someone who uses the writing medium as a playful form to tell emotions in a very descriptive way as I do. I'm quite affectionate with words, yes. And I always beg people I hang with personally to let me know if some of that bothers them, curtly of course. So far there have been few instances of individuals confusing those signals with ulterior means, things I assure you there's nothing more than me being friendly and supportive.
Imagine idk an excited dog seeing its owner haha
Until the past week, I found myself being tackled by something that made me almost knock everything aside because it made me realize that probably I'm a walking trigger/squick inducer with even the way I wield words like "love" and "friendship".
Almost...
I'm pretty tolerant of whatever way people conduct themselves in this life, the only moment I flinch is when an individual assumes from my default behavior and presentation that I want to impose my way of life... And nopes.
This is simply how and who I am. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't search for conflict but for understanding. My language for expressing marvel and reflections is like this, never to make the other feel awkward or attacked.
So, it upset me knowing that by wielding this forever welcoming and lovable disposition, I can be something to fear and even despite... to some people.
But, you know? That means that my "love" and "friendship" lifestyle are not made for you, no reason to come back to me and point at it. Just keep walking if you have only rage and rejection to give as a reply to my point of view. Because by wielding rage and rejection, what you only do is burn bridges. To create conflict and assume imaginary antagonistic scenarios where there's nothing of that at all.
You can't create the world you wish to live in by burning bridges.
It took me a lot too to forge who I am right now. I even keep learning and chiseling through traumas and mistakes—kindness and patience taught me more than rage and rejection. And "love" and "friendship" are the bricks I chose to build those bridges. I know everyone else uses different concepts but in the end, we all build bridges. By creating bridges and inviting others to do the same, I expand not only my world, but the other's too!
Isn't that better than demanding to be this or that through a black/white flag of rage and rejection? I think so. And I understand perfectly we sometimes need to be blunt when marking our boundaries. Still, never justifies treating the other bad.
And if some of you find "fake" or distasteful the way I wear this flag of "love" and "friendship" I'm sorry: this place will never be safe for you then. The exit door is always open. Go ahead.
I hope you find your place and flags out there too, but don't forget that to do that you need to build bridges. If you don't want to call it "friendship" call it "glue" or whatever makes you comfortable, but don't kick people like me who fought with claws and teeth to reclaim those words and feelings.
Fight your fight by being a good example, not a bad experience that makes someone never want to deal with something like this again in their life.
"Any color you like, (in the end) they're all blue."
#windy squeals#im so sorry if i end upsetting someone with my point of view#with my expressive way to use words#or my overly dramatic behavior#its all real i swear these are all real#and you dont need to give me back the same level of energy#just be clear af and say what you need because i dont read minds#im tired of being seeing as a clown or be infantilized because of this#or feared like im a sort of vampire that sucks emotions because NO#or that im intolerant to people that dont follow those -normatives because believe me#im too very asocial to certain cues but intead of raging about them#i try to create new rules that fit better my way to navigate life#the only way to achieve what we want is by stating it gently#not setting on fire posibilities to create new connections and points of view#but i guess there will be always be people that prefer to live in a bubble and expect the whole diverse world to mold to them#and i say that as an aroace that used to be intolerant of the normatives that push my boundaries to the edge#but eh sometimes youll fight but most of the times youll need to dodge and learn to avoid bullets#listen if i sound ableist with this whatever i am then#im not perfect#gotta keep reading and relearning and updating my brain ugh
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Saw someone in youtube comments say something like "on the map Czechia and Slovakia are two separate countries, but Czechoslovakia is in our hearts" and yeah. yeah that's what it's like
#before butthurt foreigners come in my ask box no this is not about nostalgia for the now obsolete country name#and no you still can't call us czechoslovakia#this is about the strong sense of kinship between czechs and slovaks stemming from deeply intertwined history and culture and language#we (at least most people) very much want our countries to remain separate#but it's this feeling of undeniable connection#where both countries feel like home and meeting a slovak online is just like meeting another czech and vice versa#czechoslovakia not as a country but czechoslovakia as a feeling. czechoslovakia as a shared history. czechoslovakia as a culture#czechoslovakia as a mutual understanding on more levels than just linguistic#mist getting emotional on main at half past midnight#čumblr#czech#slovak
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I GENUINELY wish I understood the appeal of Taylor Swift I really really do. many of my friends do. but it's just. I don't think a single one of her songs has ever landed above 'ok' or 'nostalgically cheesy' for me and every time I think that I feel so incredibly like I'm trying to be snobby but I'm not? it's not about not liking pop or not liking the cool thing I love pop I love cheese I just also like music that has some...I guess energy and danceability or specific and meaningful rage and I have found nothing to hook into in anything she's made. Antihero nearly works for me. Blank Space works conceptually but not in practise. but other than that the last thing she made that did anything for me even as a throwaway pop song was. god it actually might be We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together or 22 which at least are catchy but I can't say ever made it to my playlists.
I want to get it, I genuinely do. I have listened to most of her releases at least once because I keep thinking if I try hard enough something will open up for me but nah however hard I try it's just extremely mid. like yes that certainly is music. I can immediately recognise it as Taylor Swift, it's not like it's utterly generic, but it absolutely just registers to me as background music. I want so much to understand what it is about her that makes her the biggest person in music for like 15 years now.
(I could say the same about Beyoncé who if anything lands worse for me. Break My Soul owns, but other than that I have landed everything I've heard of hers since like 2008 firmly in the Do Not Relisten pile it just lands like a ton of loose sand for me. and this is not mentioning the actual crime against music that was Jolene bc I don't think that worked for most people tbf. and again it's not that I don't like pop or r&b or rap cause that's like. between those genres about a third of the music I listen to. but her work is just so unengaging to me personally and I don't know why and I wish I got it)
#red said#~oh you just don't like things that are popular~ i LIKE liking things that are popular!#i like lizzo! i love lil nas x! i think billie eilish is amazing! i think I'm too old for olivia rodrigo but i get the appeal!#i think with taylor and possibly also beyonce though there's like a level of calculated pose that makes their music feel like work#like it doesn't. to me. feel like it connects because it feels like a product put together as a marketing persona#and not in a fun way like Katy Perry used to but like. Taylor Swift's music is extremely thought through. even the missteps.#and musically it feels really uninteresting and emotionally it feels like the IDEA of emotional relatability not any kind of insight#it's very middle of the road to me. even when it's taking risks it's not taking risks.#and tbf if i was gonna guess at why she's as popular as she is I'd say it's that. it's sustainable and marketable and well planned.#like Montero was a fucking phenomenal album because it was incredibly honest and creative. but tbh has Lil Nas X had the same impact since?#no not really bc he put EVERYTHING into that album and now tbh he's putting out new music that's fine but not earthshattering#whereas Taylor definitely knows how to market herself and how to change her brand incrementally without having to get more vulnerable#but like. her whole thing is kind of as a confessional singer songwriter vibe. which needs vulnerability and messiness#and to me it always sounds very very managed and very defensive and that is. flat.
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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.
#just me rambling again#web weaving#(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that#group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife#who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of#us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and#they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have#seemingly dropped off the face of the earth#anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back#towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an#intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my#ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so#i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house#not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried#a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path#and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify#after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself#soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree#(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel#our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art#could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing#something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind#something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars#sigh#i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref
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Honestly i really do know im being annoying with this but the logistics of swapping out Avon and Raistlin and watching what theh do is the greatest form of Playing With Dolls I've ever ever had. Its a serotonin treadmill. You've heard of watching a brilliant, dark tortured genius asshole slowly create his own downfall what about landing in the middle of such a slipperyslope and starting to turn it into an entirely different one. AND THERE'S PVP ALLOWED, one of my main options rn is Avon-as-Raistlin starts planning how to re-open the connection and either undo this or pass some more things between the worlds- and Raistlin-as-Avon is like FINDERS KEEPERS BITCH. Paying It (The Lichdom Curse) Forewards, im staying in your life and im winning at it, fuck off. And Avon's like, ex-fucking-scuse me?
#what if. in this route avon is repoening the connection through magic raist-as-avon is gonna start regaining the capscity for magic too.#and it can be a Metaphysical Wizard Duel AND like an emotional climax whhen their parties catch up#and like. avon coming back for his friends carried on a storm. the fact that despite dverything he would fight for it-#even if hes doing it for an Incredibly Specific Way he wants to benefit power from merging both worlds that STILL a level of#coming back for his friends and lives and such yknow. its gonna affect them.#and raistlin possibly seeing caramon again-#i dont think avon would be as desperate to strike out on his own thats a raist psychological thing-#and maybe trying to appeal through the barrier like. hey! if you want what's good for me. GET HIS ASS. I want to stay here!#and that classic kind of tension between them. caramon wanrs his brother back and raistlin thinking of it as caramon wanting him Weak#and Dependant on his protection. the whole aspect of like body and strength swap is very. interesting and a bit#yuck politically but thats part of the fun. this isnt a cure narrative this is game of thrines musical chairs over resources-#the bodies the magic the many differences in Circumstances that seperate the two wars-#not just genre but straight up strategical details. the privileges of space age comforts vs having an almost even chance at victory. etc et#YOU SEE ME. IM HAVING FUNNNNN#THIS IS SO FUN. IT SHOULD BE A NOVELLA LENGTH ZINE FROM THE 90S UNFORTUNATELY ITS JUST ME IN MY HEAD. BUT#cally can probably sense something is wrong from the start. mentally....#the grudging respect raist would have for blake vs unlike avon he is entirely capable of backstabbing the hell out of them all.#avon would find the Expanded DL Party loud and weirdly social and annoying and pass off as raist through that easily#but also just. as i said i think he's way less likely to actually Act to further only himself like raist would#especially as Not Native to this setting like. no use aloanating possible resources. hes just gonna steer them All As A Group towards#paths of survival and advantage in the war that are Also to his personal magic based benefits i think#im having FUN#yknow what i might make this my Pinned. im Going Through A Moment.#dragons of the sad embezzler
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It's really fascinating that u can get connected with strangers such strongly that u can cry for them
#pehle i was very cold hearted in case like this but ig life experiences changed me enough to care deeply abt others emotions too#often i find my self crying for strangers cuz i connected woth them at a deeper level idk if this makes me weak or what but im grateful#im grateful that i could gain this much emotional intelligence
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I was today years old when I realized I’m Just Ken and What Was I Made For? have fundamentally the same message of not knowing one’s place and full purpose in the world and the unfulfillment of living in a world that doesn’t allow you to explore who you are and restricts you to the limitations of societal constructs.
#barbie#im just ken#this is actually so cool to me#because they’re such different but iconic songs#also I know my blog is usually st based#but both of those songs connect to me on very different emotional levels#And it’s so cool how they have the same message#Like they’re saying the same thing for both genders#It’s beautiful
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I love writers I love when they ramble on abt characters and their motivations, their core values and the reasons why they react to things in certain ways and having character interactions work off of each other due to their differing ways of viewing the world and in general I just love character analysis
#as someone who loves humans and human behaviours and figuring out why people react to things the ways that they do#uhhh I'm actually surprisingly really bad @ writing characters with those same traits 😅#unless it is smth I can connect to on some sort of level like a few of my characters have issues that I specifically relate to#thereforee I can understand the ways they act in certain circumstances#BUT when it comes to characters that are like almost entirely outside of my wavelength it's pretty hard for me to understand how they work#and it's pretty basic habits and behaviours I just fuckin lack them in general#like the concept of clinginess or abandoment issues or wanting to stay around people who treat you badly or jealousy or missing people#also love like I understand my type of love but my type of love isn't typical from what I've seen from others#even some of my own past issues like dealing with trauma have kinda been lost on me especially bcuz I'm the type to ignore stuff#like I just ignored it til it came back to bite me in the ass and had to just kinda struggle with it and go completely numb#until I got tired of feeling that way and pulled myself outta it step by step and my various negative ways of thinking elude me#since I just gradually built myself up and rearranged my brain so that all negative thinking eventually turns into dust#whether be positive or purely neutral until I'm able to handle it better#REGARDLESS I try to get a sense of what these other traits are like and how exactly they work for people but it is VERY difficult for me#bcuz the stuff is just such an alien emotion to me like people get REALLY emotional about things that simply aren't a problem for me#and I wish I could understand why and what goes on in the brain that causes that but my brain just doesn't work that way#SOOO me trying to make characters of typical issues I see people having DOESN'T really work when I have no idea what's going on#like IN GENERAL my characters need to have more emotion behind them but the emotions I need them to have are#like I said before. something I totally lack ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so I have no idea how to do it#I mean I think I need like a check list I need to make a list of traits my characters have in general cuz I never write anything down#it'd be easier to figure it out if I had words to go along with it and then I could figure out the behaviours behind those words#plus I need to draw my characters cuz I'm very much a visual person I can't get as good of a feel without some visuals along with it
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thinking about jack "i just met her but im 99% sure she's in love with me and we're going to have sex" and marie "if u even look at jack i hate u i hate u i hate u i hate u i ha-"
#confronted with the possibility of jack having an experience without her#(and lets be real a weird psychosexual obsession with her brother that burns into jealousy very easily)#she does not deal well#jack would be the same if marie ever tried to make out with someone btw it's just never happened#marie is like 70% gencestous thoughts about her brother and 30% aromantic confusion. in this way she is again easy for dean to relate to.#also she would not be aware of the exact Reasons she is suddenly filled with anger at the idea of jack getting together with someone#she just would be. and find it very overwhelming.#but connect that to jealousy? she was raised by winchesters she doesn't have that level of emotional intelligence#(also also. hard for anyone to flirt with either of them because they are always touching. always leaning on each other and holding hands#and in each other's laps. like cats. you have to flirt around one of them to get to the other and that is easier said than done.)#im just rambling here aksklajskjad#marieposting#look away dev
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I hope hope hope BTSV will show Miguel breaking down or be truly horrified by all the harm he caused, both by sticking to the canon and in atsv. (I know unlikely because at the end of the day Miles is the main character, but a girl can hope). And I really hope they'd do something with Spot being a multiverse scientist instead of just. Villain of the movie. Also, it'll be funny if Spot and Miguel bond over being irrevercibly change because they both worked at Alchemax.
I personally don’t think it’s unlikely at all tbh! I honestly can’t imagine why a breakdown wouldn’t happen personally because like. Running away from guilt isn’t Miguel’s problem in this film, he openly owns up to the shit he believes he caused and he doesn’t offer excuses for it. He’s adhering to canon because hes scared of causing that same destruction again. Hell, the harm he’s causing now is stuff he telling himself he needs to do in order to prevent an even wider scale of death.
His reaction to his actions once he overcomes what’s preventing him from consciously recognising them as harmful (sunk cost fallacy, terror + not wanting to risk that dimension collapse + whatever baggage past/origin wise that’s flavouring his breakdown at Miles) is to me like. Integral to show in his narrative position as Miles’ antagonist and to demonstrate the totality of his character.
Re the Spot I personallyyyyyy feel like Spot’s whole thing as a multiverse scientist is part of his own being now, even if btsv doesn’t have him spout scientific analysis. He’s quite literally inextricable from the work he devoted his life to and to the extent of claiming he’s owed recognition and respect from Miles for “creating” him.
#ask games#anon#ehhhh on Miguel and spot bonding? I don’t personally see it. I see the connection you’re drawing! but I also think Miguel would literally#die if he was forced to confront not only surface level similarities but the way in which both he and spot are offloading resentment on Otto#onto miles - if from completely different sources. Spot is trying to satisfy the gnawing lack of self worth he has#and Miguel? he seems to roundabout blame Miles for the emotional isolation Miguel feels in the burden of his work#when this is something Miguel doesn’t SHARE with the very people who’d honestly be willing to help
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i havent seen my closest friends in a few weeks and it’s mostly my fault…idk im just really not in a good mental state rn im unfortunately falling back into a depressive/suicidal state again. My most loved and cherished friends are very successful (rightfully so) and though they are extremely supportive, loving, caring, and genuine towards me, i can’t help but think that i bring nothing to the table as of rn. I know that friendship isn’t transactional and that they’d never treat me as someone disposable just because of my shortcomings and will always support me as best as they could, but my insecurities are literally taking over LOL. I just feel really embarrassed bc we all started at the same time and they’re exactly where they should be while I’m still behind, waiting for things to start looking up for me. I don’t have anything new to say like they usually do and I know that I can’t really relate to their experiences. I’m just not on the same page as them. None of them make me feel alienated or isolated by any means, they believe in me more than I believe in myself actually, I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut. I want to be at the same place as they are but I’m not right now and I just feel really embarrassed about it. Forcing myself to stay home on days off is how I’m coping rn.
#personal#lol sorry emotional post#2023 is just starting off rough…i still have hope but now i know what they meant when they said hope is a dangerous thing to have lol#[they- the unknown deity]#my best friend sends me any and every position she comes across (that aligns w my field) for post grad and is very supportive#but i just feel so sad bc my brain literally keeps telling me that i dont deserve to have these beautiful friendships bc im not on their#level and it’s literally eating away @ my brain#i know im still in college and should just solely focus on finishing up this semester#but this is my last semester iA so i have no choice but to worry about employment post grad#my internship managers are looking thru my resume and said theyd connect me to some ppl but havent heard back from them yet :(#i think i feel this way bc my family treats me very differently now#like i can feel their disappointment and they make sure to mention it too#but im not a bum LOL the only thing i want and need from this world is success! aka a corporate job that pays me six figures
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thinking about how the people around me, particularly people i dont know anymore, impacted my fantasy setting. the raccoon people i added because of a friend who wanted to be a raccoon. goblins existing in the way that they do because of someone i still know who really likes a specific kind of goblin, and made me like them too. even minor things, like deciding that a character's eyes were gray because the person i was talking to also had gray eyes. there"s definitely a lot of me in there, but there's still little bits and pieces of others in there too
#a pretty significant plot point for one of my characters is heavily inspired by stuff my mom dealt with#i really hope i can properly convey the gravity of the topic. particularly with tact due to how poorly i've seen it handled#in my writing i try to approach any topic with the baseline amount of empathy that people deserve. i feel *a lot*.#i sincerely hope it comes through that i care so much about so much#a particularly hurtful exchange i recently had was me casually saying that i care about a lot of things and my grandpa almost accusitorily#asked “like what”#i'm generally pretty open about what's on my mind. i try to connect with people time and time again and so often do i get nothing in return#it makes it hard to go on. sometimes.#one day. i hope i'll meet someone who cares as much as i do. cares about me as much as i care about them.#if i meet even one it'll have all been worth it.#part of me feels like saying “i can't bear to live like this anymore”. but i can. and i have. i can bare a lot actually#i don't think i'd be alive if i couldn't#there's a lot wrong in the world right now. i can't bear to watch most of it. this of course makes me feel even more guilty#at the very least i've made a habit of clicking the arab dot org buttons daily. i can't handle watching but i can at least help.#in a small way. that is.#i definitely feel like i needed to get that out of my system. rambling is what i do. after all#i feel like i have an abnormally strong will to live. i remember coming very close to a suicide attempt once. the razor actually cut into my#wrist just a little bit. i very much wanted to die at that point. on an emotional level#but i just couldn't do it. i need to live. i just need to. it'll have all been worth it. eventually.#eventually.
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#I've 2 things to say after watching the xfactor bit#1. harry had and still has the best voice! i know zayn's and Liam's are the ~best from a technical standpoint but Harry's is just......he#had the most emotion out of all of them! his voice is full of emotion and just wraps you up and takes you places#can't even explain it! zayns and liams are a bit without a soul! like yes they sound nice and they are good voices but they don't have soul#and they don't make you choke up with emotion like harrys#and 2. harry was always going places with or without 1d#1d just gave him a headstart and allowed him to make connections that he made use of them very wisely! and he became business and music#industry savvy! like there is no doubt in my mind he'd still be stratospherically famous just not at 29#perhaps he wouldn't be making music as freely or we wouldn't be getting hsh as early as in his 28 but he'd definitely be getting on the#level he is now! either way he's a once in a generation talent and artist and boy am i glad he's the star of my generation and i get to see#and be part of his legacy🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
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