#they are the same height the same build the same face shape the same nose

[boygirlctommy]

watching ark: tas and <3 the animation is so bad even my dad can tell

[totally-here]

dpxdc twins au except it's no-pulse flavored

Bart’s new roommate looks a lot like Tim. 

Like, suspiciously like Tim. 

Danny’s the same height, has the same shape of nose, same shade of hair, and even frowns like him. He would have been a perfect copy if he acted more like Tim, but Danny definitely holds himself looser than Bart’s ever seen Tim. 

But he still has his face. So, obviously, Bart has to investigate. Maybe he’s a clone, or a shapeshifter, or maybe one of the Gotham rogues decided to get facial reconstruction surgery to look like him, and this was all a ploy. 

Okay, probably not that last one. Bart doesn’t think Tim’s enemies know his identity. 

Anyway, investigation! Bart’ll figure this out himself, and deal with it if Danny needs to be dealt with. And the investigation will start right after he comes up with an excuse as to why he’s back in their third floor apartment when he passed Danny in the hallway a few seconds before. 

Danny stares at him, and Bart stares back. 

“Must’ve been a doppelganger!” Bart blurts out. 

Danny’s silent for a second before nodding enthusiastically and noting that everyone's supposed to have like seven in the world anyway and wow what a wild coincidence that there’s one in their building. 

Bart extends the same courtesy when a week later he walks in on Danny with an iced over pan on the stove. Danny says they should really get their freezer checked out and Bart agrees and asks if he can use the ice for a painting study. 

(They never get their freezer checked.)

Bart finds that Danny’s great at setting up fun things for him to draw, whether he knows it or not. Like the ice, or his collection of rocks, his astronomy textbooks with the pretty covers, his gestures as he rants about his classes, the excited glint in his eyes when he’s talking about his next repair project and how his eyes almost look like they glow in the right light. 

Hm. A good portion of his sketchbook is drawings of Danny, and yet he’s still having trouble with getting the right blue for his eyes. At first glance they’re Tim’s shade of blue, but when he keeps looking they seem to get lighter. Maybe greener?

He should probably stop staring into his friend’s eyes. 

Well, maybe not. Danny doesn’t seem to mind. 

Just like he doesn’t mind when they started regularly sitting very close on the couch, or falling asleep together, or Bart borrowing some of his jackets, or-

Okay, Bart’s kinda seeing a pattern. He and Danny should really have a conversation about if this is platonic behavior or not. 

But not right now, because Bart brought Danny across the river to raid Wally’s board game closet in Keystone. 

And Wally, who’s used to this, just passes by them with a, “Hey Bart, hey Tim.”

“Danny, not Tim,” Danny replies almost absent mindedly, then looks back at Wally, who’s also staring at him now. “Wait, you know Tim?”

“OhmyGod I was supposed to investigate!” Bart says, face palming. It just slipped his mind! And Danny was distracting him with his pretty face that he totally wears better than Tim!

“You know him too?” Danny asks. But he doesn’t look suspicious of them, more amused. 

“How do you know him?” Wally squints at Danny, eyes briefly catching Bart’s in question. 

“He’s my twin,” Danny answers easily. “The Drakes only wanted one kid, so they gave me to their friends the Fentons, who wanted a second one.” He shrugs and goes back to digging around the closet. “Tim and I were always in contact, though. Letters and phone calls and texting, you know?” 

He says it all so casually while Wally and Bart are sharing increasingly concerned looks behind his back. 

Do the Waynes know about Danny? Has Tim never brought him up? Why? Does Danny know about Red Robin? Does Tim-

“Holy shit does this mean Tim has ice powers too!?” 

Or: Tim and Danny are twins. Through a series of coincidences, the first people to find out that aren’t Fentons or Drakes are the flashes.

(This post was brought to you by me recently finishing the 1995 Impulse run, and wanting an excuse to share this panel:

Look they both got called twinks clearly they're soulmates)

[under-lok-n-ki]

Captain Ava & Captain Lizzie

literally cannot wait until we get more development on this plot bc it’s so so good

also I got around to listening to the Black Rose One-shot and Lizzie was originally blonde??? ik her design was changed a lot during the campaign in general but I’m deciding to play around with that info—I’m thinking she started dying it after joining Shadowbeard’s crew

anyways thoughts I had about Ava/the Ferin’s while designing her (possible spoilers or maybe just incoherent rambling):

gave her a rifle bc I feel like she’d have sharpshooting capabilities on par with Drey, but a pistol just didn’t seem appropriate for her. but I also see her favoring close-range attacks so she also gets a big knife as a treat

I think it’s mentioned in an episode how Jay looks more like their mother, May, so personally I think Ava resembles Jayson much more with certain aspects (specifically height, nose shape, eye color, hair ‘style’— Jay got his more square-ish face shape and broad build; they both have the same eye shape)

expanding on that fiery hair ‘style’ thing— I’m thinking that’s smthn that just kinda comes with the Ferin abilities and I’m thinking those powers need to be unlocked in a way?? there’s no other reason I can think of as to why Jayson has the flaming hair and specific magic skills while Jay doesn’t, so I’m thinking Ava may have been more in-tune with/naturally drawn towards the Ferin magic (esp since we see her using that golden form during the animatic sequence in ep101) while Jay become more influenced by May’s magic (since I think she spent the most time with her esp after Ava’s death). maybe Jay and Drey suppress their Ferin abilities (Drey def intentionally, Jay maybe a bit unintentionally?) and it could kinda explain why Jay has special blood: she’s a mix of two [supposedly] powerful magical heritages

I also have this thought that Ava may have unlocked these powers earlier than most of the Ferin’s, resulting in a fate similar to Gillion’s where she was regarded with pride for this yet constantly pressured and trained into becoming a weapon for the Navy (perhaps by request of Grandma Fey, who seems to be a very controlling character and could be the reason Jayson acts so cold and ruthless). and when she failed to uphold their beliefs that’s when The Order was given (maybe they found out about her & Lizzie???)

BUT in comparison to Jayson who absorbed himself in his work, and Gillion who was forcibly separated from his family, Ava was able to visit home often and had May and Jay to lean on as a support system. that connection alone could’ve helped separate the brutality and violence of her work in the Navy from her actual personality—the one that she became admired for and the one Lizzie was drawn to. it could also be speculated that she had the same ideas as Kira and Jay: that she could make the Navy better from the inside (obv this would be more difficult if she was held to high expectations, but she could’ve been on her way to making it work)

speaking of Jay—I think I remember a moment where someone explains how Jayson didn’t want her to join the Navy at all, and I always thought this was odd considering how it was moreso pointed towards her rather than Ava (as well as the fact that the Ferin’s ostracize those who don’t join, like Drey). this would coincide with my theory that Ava was expected to join bc of ‘unlocking’ her powers early, so maybe Jayson didn’t want Jay joining due to the fact that she hadn’t tapped into her Ferin powers yet, but Jay being Jay decided to enlist anyways and eventually gained a different motivation for her involvement than the rest of the clan [thanks to Kira & Ava]. or there was another thing at play. idk kinda just throwing smthn at the wall with this one bc that little comment stood out to me and I can’t remember if it even happened lol

also do we think the whole ‘sun nightmare’ is like,,, a test to unlock those abilities?? we know Jay and Drey opted to jump into it which kinda resulted in some magic golden eye phenomena (which we’ve seen in action once by Drey), but the issue here is when Jay rejected the heat the first time it just resulted in pain. so what would’ve been the option that leads the Ferin bloodline to become so powerful? do they choose to combat the sun?? do they conjure up heat of their own until they overpower it??? so many questions

gaaahhh I can’t wait until they’re out of the Black Sea so we can delve into this more bc I’m tired of feelin like this:

[revrads]

My attempt at redesigning The Beatles 1965 cartoon! I did an alternate coloring for their clothing to make it look closer to life :)

I added some design notes below if you're interested in reading more about my design choices :)

JOHN:

Faceman of The Beatles, "The Smart Beatle". Many mistook him for Leader because of the way he presents himself

Worst case of Main Character Syndrome

Main personality trait: Strong, confident, mischievous, hot-headed

Rectangular base shape to emphasize the "strength" of the character

Second tallest Beatle, same height as George, just like irl

Lightest hair color (Brown). Hair color is the same as eye color. It makes him stand out. Lighter brown indicates energy

Posture is straight, often with chest puffed out to show a confident, dominant presence

Has the most sharp edges out of the Four

PAUL:

The actual Leader of The Beatles, "The Cute Beatle". Fan favorite potential. Everyone Needs to love him while also be unsettled by him

Main personality trait: Cheeky, flamboyant, sarcastic, extroverted, commanding (at times)

Triangular base shape. Triangles work well for characters who are mysterious and unnatural in some ways. It could also signify hierarchy as characters with triangle bases are usually leaders

Very soft facial structure despite the base. "Doll-faced", uncanny yet friendly-looking with his half-lidded eyes.

Tallest Beatle to signify hierarchy

Eyelashes to give off feminime vibes, makes him look "cute" in a traditional sense

Posture is stiff straight

Pupils not filled in to give off that "uncanny" feeling. It also makes them look soulless, a hint to "Paul Is Dead" theory

GEORGE:

"The Quiet Beatle". His expression is fixed as a frown. Youngest Beatle too, which is why I gave him a schoolboy bowlcut

Main personality trait: Quiet, shy, mysterious, thoughtful

Triangular base shape with rectangular sides. The triangle gives a sense of mystery to his character while the rectangle shows a stable character

Same height as John, sometimes slightly taller

Eyebrows are connected to eyelids and will move according to emotions. Though he doesn't show much change in expression, he's very expressive with the way his eyebrows move

Posture is slouched yet shoulders are straight, almost tense looking

Color palette and hairstyle mirrors Paul's to signify his very close brotherly relationship with him

Skinniest(?) Beatle, also to emphasize age

Fangs! Just like old George had :)

RINGO:

"The Funny Beatle", approachable and friendly, thus the wide eyes and permanent smile. Also the nose.

Oldest Beatle. Hinted at with his eyebags, slouched posture, droopy eyes, and having the longest hair

Main personality: Humorous, light hearted, peaceful, wise, cool

Spherical base shape. Circle as a base shape has always been used to potray a friendly, outgoing, and bubbly character with how soft and rounded the shape is. He doesn't have much sharp edges to show that he's quite literally A Friend

Shortest Beatle, that hasn't changed

Brightest eye color. Very blue to give attention to his facial details. Ringo's facial details are the most prominent part of his face. Bright blue eyes also gives a sense of calm

Though shortest, he has the stockiest build to show that while he's also a friend, he still means business. Built like a himbo except he's actually pretty smart. The stockiness also helps with his circular shape

Posture is completely slouched with shoulders relaxed

Two rings on each hands, even though its not visible sometimes with the way his hands are in his pocket

Big Nose

[canonsinthehead]

love ur random village headcanons!! what do you think is the beauty standard in the villages? for girls & boys

GALAXY BRAIN HAS ENTERED THE CHAT! YOU ARE ONTO SOMETHING...

It's a subject that has been on the back of my mind for a while so imma try to make sense of the few full paper notes I have... --------------------------------------------------//////////////------------------

Naruto Headcanons - Beauty Standards in Different Villages.

BEFORE WE START, i wanna remind the fact that not fitting these description doesnt make you ugly. It is what is considered ideal based on the village's cultural norms, history, social norms and etc.

KONOHA:

Because of the founders Hashimara & Madara's traits, like blonde hair or other flashy colors (except red) are perceived as uncommon/strange.

Over time, the standard switched from Hashirama features to Madara's.

Ironically, Konoha pumps out the most plastic surgeons than any surgeons than any other nations. Most of them operate outside the Country of Fire.

STANDARD FOR KONOHA MEN:

In the past, long hair in men was admired and desired as it signified you live long enough for them to grow. Wow! you made it this long, you must be strong but this ideal is lost as the preference shifted towards shorter haircuts.

Long slim face

High nose bridge and long nose

SOMEONE FITTING THE MALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

(obviously, Sasuke Uchiha & Minato Namikaze)

OTHER CHARACTERS FITTING THE MALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

Yuji Itadori (Jujutsu Kaisen) & Kang Dahyeok (Killer Crush)

STANDARD FOR KONOHA WOMEN:

Same here, Having long hair has always been perceived as the pinnacle of female beauty. those who cut their hair short or never grow their strands past shoulder-length often get bullied.

Delicate Hands

Round Eyes

Oval Face Shape

PALE SKIN (applies to everybody), as crazy as it sounds, Konoha & Kiri are nations where social status bumps up your attractiveness but let's be real for a minute. The Hyuugas & Uchihas are upheld to such a high pedestal for their social status AND adherence to the beauty standard (pale + oval face + slim long nose)

Also if you have something with your eyes (whatever it is), it's perceived as a positive since special ocular appearances is associated with great physical stregnth.

Along with all the features previously mentioned, if you have a (face + spirit) that shines like the sun or burns like an unstoppable fire, it is considered very attractive on both genders.

SOMEONE FITTING THE FEMALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

Ino Yamanaka & Mito Uzumaki

OTHER CHARACTERS FITTING THE FEMALE STANDARD:

Tohru Honda (Fruits Basket) & Shirley Fenette (Code Geass)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

IWA:

STANDARD FOR IWA MEN:

Being larger is seen as a positive. it is believed that a thicker male body proves it is wealthy and well-fed. On the other side of this, skinny shaming among men is crazyyyyyyy (they don't want to leave Deidara alone). Not all men are bigger or thicker but there's high chances you'll get look down upon for being "too skinny".

if you look like you can't carry a bag of rocks, you don't fit the standard. there's a saying mentioning the need to be "build like a rock" and how its a measure of men's value based on appearance

Larger nose are liked on men, in other nanations (excluding Kumo) would cut you off the beauty strandard by this feature alone

"You need to eat more." "You look like a twig"

facial hair

SOMEONE FITTING THE MALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

Monga

OTHER CHARACTERS FITTING THE MALE STANDARD:

Dalton (One Piece) & Genjirou Tanigaki (Golden Kamuy)

STANDARD FOR IWA WOMEN:

The athletic slim built has always been the standard along with being tall since the average female height is the highest in the world

the perfect combo is perceived to be slim built + long legs.

due to the influence of the massive adult/corn industry, large breasts became valued in women and made their way to the beauty standard.

breast augmentation surgery is a huge and profitable industry but most of the surgeons performing it come from the counrty of fire.

going with the element associated with each village (in this case stone), earth tones colors are seen as more attractive.

SOMEONE FITTING THE FEMALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

Iwa Kunoichi

OTHER CHARACTERS FITTING THE FEMALE STANDARD:

Nico Robin (One Piece) & Makoto Kino/Sailor Jupiter (Sailor Moon)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

KUMO:

Clear and bright skin, no matter the skin tone.

Yes, Darker skin tones are heavely celebrated are seen as a sign of health and vigority. It is the only nation to consider this feature in its beauty standards modeled after the bloodline of the Raikage. It lead to the prevelence of tanning salons all over the country

in case you don't have it, it's still fine since Kumo is very considered of its diversity. But if you dont, please have clear skin since acne and pimples is frown upon on both genders especially among adults

Kumo has something for pale hair, the hair dye industry is huge over there.

STANDARD FOR KUMO MEN:

it may sound weird but a neat hairline. Also if you start balding, you might as well shave your whole head before being sent to bullying jail.

Strong legs are seen as the peak of mobility and aesthetic for men.

slightly longer faces

SOMEONE FITTING THE MALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

Karai, C & Raikage (for his immaculate physique and the standard for older men)

OTHER CHARACTERS FITTING THE MALE STANDARD:

Kento Nanami (Jujutsu Kaisen) & Aomine Daiki (Kuroko no Basket)

STANDARD FOR KUMO WOMEN

Curvier bodies (Coke bottle body shape) are upheld as the peak of the female beauty standard. hence why Karui was mocked for being slim and small chested. for this very reason, Kumo is the Lipposuction captial of the world.

plump/bigger lips

Winged Doe eyes

SOMEONE FITTING THE FEMALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

Karui & Mabui.

OTHER CHARACTERS FITTING THE FEMALE STANDARD:

Alex Benedetto (GANGSTA), Yoruichi Shihouin (Bleach) & Balalaika (Black Lagoon)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

KIRI

for centuries, just being of a higher caster could carry you to higher levels of physical attractiveness

STANDARD FOR KIRI MEN:

Shark teeth are a sign of great beauty in men for various ethnicites trough out the country of Water. It signifies resistance and tenacity as many past regimes attemped to supress/breed out this physical trait. Some men shave their own teeth to achieve this look.

Small firece eyes

Short Dark hair

A large and muscular back

Being Tall, by average male residents are the tallest in the world but the out of reach ideal sits around 190-195 cm. Men this height were prime picks for millitary and guerillas trough out Kiri's history, now most of them this height are affiliated with criminal behaviour but aknowdledge for the physical strenght a body this big can offer.

(NSFW) A large schlong. it is a feature more present among the lower caste demography and has been demonized by Yagura's regime as a mean to dehumanize this male population. Ironically, according to many traditions it is perceive as a sign of fretility and often goes hand-in-hand with the height.

it is only recently that "softer" features made their way into the male beauty standard

SOMEONE FITTING THE MALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

Kimimaro & Zabuza Momochi

OTHER CHARACTERS FITTING THE MALE STANDARD:

Kuroko Tetsuya & Kagami Taiga (Kuroko no Basket), both fit the Kiri modern beauty standard (if you ignore Kuroko's height)

According to the most popularized/old school/traditional beauty standard than it would be: Guts (Berserk) & Gyomei Himejima (Demon Slayer)

STANDARD FOR KIRI WOMEN:

Feline/Siren like eyes

Brown or Black Hair

For the longest, curvier bodies were associated with prostitutes belonging to gang or the mobster's female counterpart. The standard have always been average built for women. It goes along why many found Sera very vulgar when she started her carrer. They associated her appearance with women of lower caste.

SOMEONE FITTING THE FEMALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

Suiren

OTHER CHARACTERS FITTING THE FEMALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

Yomi Isayama (Ga-Rei Zero)

---------------------------------------------------------------------

SUNA:

While facial markings/paintings are related to your family/clan/lineage, they are perceived as a great sign of beauty in men and women

head coverings are used for all types of reasons but are well regarded for both genders since it represent the ultimate form of modesty

Unfortunately, Suna has to be the most fatphobic nation out there as bigger people seen as unfit for (basic) survival in a desertic country

STANDARD FOR SUNA MEN:

Since Gaara became Kazekage, Red Hair became a sign of beauty and success regardless of being a rare trait in the Country of Wind. It is ironic since it has been a feature many people have gotten severely bullied for in the past (Gaara was when he was a child).

Slight Tan/Olive Skin

SOMEONE FITTING THE MALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

Gaara/Sasori & Shira

OTHER CHARACTERS FITTING THE MALE STANDARD:

Shanks (One Piece)

STANDARD FOR SUNA WOMEN:

Thick Eyebrows

you can see some of the most dramatic make ups in Suna (the golden highlights+ full eyeshadow+ contour). it goes the opposite way of other nations since the clothes designs are more simplistic and stays away from anthing considered too flashy. So makeup operates as a for of self-expression without standing out too much.

small chest

brown hair

SOMEONE FITTING THE FEMALE BEAUTY STANDARD:

Maki

OTHER CHARACTERS FITTING THE FEMALE STANDARD:

Cana (Fairy Tail) & San (Princess Mononoke)

[wheregoodthingsthrive]

🪻🩵💫

Kids of the smartest woman on earth and her malewife alien.

I am. Very passionate about the Vegebul kids. Trunks got shelved and GT was a train wreck and Bulla deserves better. I hope Super will do more with her (probbaly not but let me dream).

I think Bulla is entitled and egotistical, much like her father who definitely treats her as though she’s the most important thing in the world. She’s the princess of all Saiyans- duh. But she is still steadfast, kind, and witty. She’s born with a natural tail but can’t achieve Super Saiyan to save her life. Her best friend is Pan and she also deserves to fight. I refuse to believe Bulla could get away with never learning to fight under her father’s roof. Her fighting style is acrobatic, more on the defense than hard-hitting, having to adapt because SSJ1 is kinda beyond her for reasons she can’t really grasp.

Trunks is the opposite but still very similar. Cocky but socially awkward, very powerful but doubts himself a lot. He’s a very protective older brother, especially when he and Bulla can start training together. He was born with no tail yet his ascension abilities are top notch, obviously as per canon. With Bulla, he’s the most elder brother person ever. All of the bullying and teasing and knocking stuff over in her room for no reason but he equally spoils her and definitely thinks she’s his better half.

And hear me out— we should be grateful Vegeta’s more. Dominant. Characteristics didn’t win on the punnet square but. Trunks is a spitting image of Vegeta (same nose, eyes, strong brow, heart shaped but sharp face) with a build like Bulma (taller, broad shouldered, lean). Meanwhile Bulla is a good mix in the face of her parents (Bulma’s eyes but Vegeta’s irises, Vegeta’s nose and height, Bulma’s lips and jaw) but she’s on the shorter side. Both have widows peaks reminiscent of Vegeta’s though… just not as. Yeah. Five head.

But they have Bulma’s laugh, Briefs hair color, elegance, and her smarts. :3

[lazywriter-artist]

Hear me out

HEAR ME OUT

I do not wanna anger any t’au fans glance over to the empty desert of one person but like hear me out!!

Was chitter chatting with a friend and like-

They called T’au the ‘cows of space’ and like—

G U Y S

MOO T’AU dies

More mammalian faces to help endear people to them + tails for the character design appeal to go with their already precious hooves????? The babiesss!!!!!!

Like to be fair I think most T’au designs work fine and communicate alien very well and all and their planet is different and that’s why they look like that or whatever, but their cute with their little hooves and precious armor I’m just a sucker for animalistic character design (cough chaos gods designs cough) and like the canon designs are good!!!! I’m just a freak

Maybe these can just be some sort of cross between a T’au and some unnamed aliens UwU if we REALLY need an “reason” other than I love them your honor

So here’s my ramblings about this eye twitch

To start off I just have a few random doodles figuring them out and stuff, seeing how their faces would work and figuring out elements I’d keep and loose!

To keep them recognizable as t’au I decided to keep their lack of hair (mostly well talk about it—) and turn their little ‘nose’(?) situations into markings instead! They’re also still blue I just— didn’t color them :3

Imagine….i jest i jest….unless?

This is where they get their cow ears and tail and it will not be changing ever-

I also mostly went with their descriptions from various wiki pages and things and just took inspiration bits and bobs from artwork!

Fire caste are in the range of human heights and are the most muscular of the castes, they even have more muscle mass then most humans to counter their planets naturally harsher gravity. this also aids their prowess as soldiers!

The fire caste’s hooves come more to a clawed shape, their ‘dewclaws’ normally being larger and thicker than other castes. Some higher ranking officials even having dewclaws that resemble and have sometimes get used more like a rooster spur, the fire warriors in some cases of being brought into imperial custody have been recorded to attack with these claws and often are trimmed or ‘booted’ to counter act this risk (especially with the “spur” variants)

Ironically with their soldier classification they are actually, by certain imperials which will not be named, found to be some of the cutest. The caste have thicker ears (likely to minimize damage taken when fighting) and out of all 5 castes are actually incredibly fluffy- adding to the human mind finding them to be “cute” on some level. The fire castes’ also have tails on the shorter end with thick fluffy hair tufts on the end of their tails

The fire (and air) castes are the only two which have prominent claws, which again aid in battle and self defense when/of unarmed and it is not uncommon to see a young tau’s hands with little mittens to prevent the young infants motor control practice from harming themselves

Earth caste are the shortest of the castes, stockily built and often a bit heavier then most fire caste due to their dense builds and often being a bit fatter then other castes.

Their hooves are duller and much more ground down then the fire caste, their legs tend to be thicker and much much much more musclar (though mileage may vary as some members of the caste can be more muscular than others and vice versa) they have also been seen occasionally displaying the “spur” variation.

Their ears are thicker and firmer then the fire caste, they are second fluffiest of the castes and the shortest tails with thin fur tufts that remind much more of some sort of strange dog. Their faces are in a resting sort of puppy face due to the way their mouths curve and even when (slightly minimally) emoting their face remains the same :3

Air casters are the lankiest and second slimmest & tallest of the castes. Slightly shorter than the water caste they are a bit more muscular then them but no where near the fire or earth castes’ broadness. Their hooves as very similar to that of the water caste and are very slim and thin and almost horse like in nature, they also have the smallest dewclaw of the caste’s and are one of the only castes which lack the “spur” mutation.

They have some of the thinner and floppiest ears of the castes (these help planet side air travel or when fast winds blow it won’t irritate the ears). They take third place in how fluffy they are. The air caste feature slim tails with very spare and thin hair tufts, but are on the middling length when it comes to their tails. As well as being the only other caste with claws :3

Water caste are the thinnest and tallest of the castes but are much more evenly proportional than the gangly lanky air caste. Again their hooves are similarly slim and dainty with a horse like air to them, but can often be ornately painted or decorated with various items but especially jewelry depending on the individual.

They are the sparest furred of the four castes (most ethereal are hairless :3) and tend to be the most ornately dressed. Their tails tend to be the longest and fluffiest thickest furred and tend to be groomed and styled in various ways and specially adored with bangles and jewelry. The caste having a very strong affinity for shiny objects normally are adorned with jewels to match and slim but long ears are often pierced and bejeweled end to end and anywhere in between. They also tend to have the most control over and be the most expressive of the castes!

All castes can have any variety of hair styles really, and depicted outfits/“unifroms” are not one size fits all and naturally the castes can see various changes depending on rank, line of work, individual preferences and more

The chart below also depicts the tallest of each caste, at their maximum heights, most caste members range a bit shorter then theses Water caste stands in at 7 feet tall (~213 cm), Air caste tend to max out around 6 feet 5 inches (~198 Cm), the fire caste again tend to be in the human height ranges but max at about 6 foot (~182.88 Cm), Eath caste meanwhile as the shortest tend to max out around 4 foot 11 inches (~149 Cm)

Early concept sketches

I’ve yet to decide on some designs on etherals but I’ll get there. These alone were really fun but very time consuming lol even if most of these doodles I had finished prior but shhhhh I love these goobs a lot tbh they’re so silly….i love designing each caste and picking out little reasons for the design tidbits. I think one of my favorite things is character design and Augh this was so fun.

Honestly could probably ramble for ages on the design variations and lore change ideas I have for these goobs

Do hope you all enjoy my little guys

[staurraia]

Personal design: Giovanni

copy pasted: Giovanni (or Vanni) is kind of hard to understand and still a working project. However, most elements of her design remain intact since her creation. I can't scrub her of her sparkledog, but I do like to play up her brutality and ferociousness. She was originally a hellborn creature, but I don't know if I would go with this now. Nobody quite knows what Giovanni is, even before her little "incident," which left her disfigured. But she is generally assumed to be some sort of chimera, obviously. In the aforementioned incident, she had her entire torso destroyed essentially. Leaving her with mortal injuries to the majority of her organs and bones. She had to be repaired by the same human physician who put together Nurse. She lost her original torso and soft tissues mostly, but from what was salvageable, a new and improved one was fashioned. Her skin is latex like in all physical properties, reflective and even stretchy the way latex is. It resembles a one piece to adequately cover the damage done. Her arms faired better but suffered from corrosive burns. Her hands are possibly evidence of this, but it is likely her hands were raw long before she suffered the loss of her torso. Vanni's height (9") and her build make her an imposing opponent; despite her underdeveloped lower jaw, she has a nasty bite and large eggshell blue teeth. Mostly conical and similar in size and shape; for slashing and tearing, with chewing molars in the back. Her proboscis is also quite prehensile, often utilized as a third hand, especially for food. Anthros like Giovanni are uncommon but exist, they're mainly a recent phenomenon with the advancements of medical technologies. It's more common for anthros and mixed anthro/human people to have these transhumanist esque enhancements. Due to their often unique anatomy and the real threats in their world. Giovanni is a particularly unique, high-risk case. She has a taste for the sweet metal of blood and gets a rush from intense sparring sessions. Her fur is often matted with her own blood or her opponents'. Bruising, gashes, broken bones, bloody noses, and scars aren't uncommon either. She has a reputation for being aggressive and somewhat unpleasant. In battle, she is brutal and merciless, often playing the role of dirty mercenary. She's fair and curteous when she spars, but many scraps with her end in ''it's you or me". Vanni also takes up a secret life as a well beloved dominatrix. Mingling at the club she's employed at with customers and providing them service. Her being null technically via injury kinda makes her perfect for the role in my mind. Her biology was irreversibly altered by medical engineering.

Although the face anatomy is no longer accurate; her colors are still the same. I ended up just like the silly "elephant shrew" looking face more LOL.

[practically-an-x-man]

Vivienne Andenæs

(picrew is here for her human and siren forms, moodboard by @negative-speedforce, faceclaim is Rianne Von Rampaey)

Full Name: Vivienne Siversdatter Andenæs Pronouns: she/it (femme-presenting nonbinary, pansexual)

Nicknames: Vivienne Copanczik (first husband), Vivienne Wojchek (second/current husband), siren, she-devil (jokingly) Pet Names: rybko (little fish), żabko (little frog/froggie), perełko (pearl), serduszko (sweetheart) [Polish pet names from Wojchek]

Relevant Tags: #oc vivienne

Birthday: Somewhere in the early/mid 1800s Age in Chapter One: Appears in her 30s, but its real age is unclear

Universe/Fandom: Last Voyage of the Demeter (movie)

Physical Traits: - Human form: 5'10", extremely slender build. Has wavy red hair (usually tied back or braided) and extremely pale eyes, a tall oval-shaped face with strong cheekbones, small nose and lips, and a scattering of freckles across her cheeks. Often wears modest clothes befitting her time period, her wedding ring on a chain around her neck, and a drawn or stoic expression. - Siren form: Standard details such as the shape of its face do not change, however its eyes appear even paler to the point that it appears to completely lack an iris (just the pupil, and a bluish sclera around it). Its skin also appears faintly blue-tinted, like the ice of a glacier, and shimmers with the impression of iridescent scales. Below the waist, has a long purple-and-red tail akin to a betta fish, about 1.5x her height in length. Has the same purple-and-red fins along its forearms, webbed fingers, and small gills under the base of its jaw. Wears minimal clothing as it would inhibit its swimming, usually restricted to a loose skirt around the base of its tail, and the same wedding ring on a necklace.

Character Traits: Polite and reserved while on land/in her human form, though much more outgoing and boisterous while out at sea. When not restraining itself, it is outspoken and friendly if slightly off-putting (mainly thanks to its siren nature), shrewd, and surprisingly generous once she takes favor of someone. Enjoys the feeling of community, such as rallying the crew with a sea shanty or weaving tall tales about her past travels.

Relationships:  - Family: Siver (father, implied, she doesn't share about her family much), other sirens ("sisters" through the power of Poseidon) - Friends: N/A - Romantic Partner: Antoni* Wojchek (current husband), Florian Copanczik (first husband) *he's not given a first name in the movie, this is the one I chose for him

Additional Information: - Originally from Norway, but has spent much of her life at sea - Can switch between its human and siren forms at will, though the presence of water does influence its transformation (i.e. it is difficult if not impossible to remain human while submerged in water, and difficult to shift to her siren form when away from water) - Her first husband was also a sea captain, and taught her everything she knows about sailing and rigging a ship - Became a siren after her first husband cast her off his ship and left her to drown - Poseidon showed mercy on her and made her a siren, with the promise that she would never again marry a captain of the sea ^ MOVIE SPOILERS AHEAD - this promise becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as she marries Wojchek but he dies before officially becoming captain of the Demeter - Does have a siren-song capable of a sort of hypnosis, though is also able to speak and sing without using it. - Would be deemed nonbinary by modern standards, though its historical context hinders its expression - Its identity as a siren acts as a metaphor for historical nonbinarism - on land, she is constrained by society's expectations, while at sea it is free to be itself - Enjoys storytelling, and Wojchek has tried to convince her to write a book - Because its tail is so long and unwieldy, often needs assistance transitioning from water to land, and will sometimes just hang from the prow of the ship to speak rather than attempting to climb onto the deck

[onegianthotmess]

Ikemen Vampire Rants:

💃If the Suitors Turned Into Women💃

There will be five parts to this rant with three suitors in each part. I apologize for this math, but we know that there are fifteen suitors and fifteen divided by five is three, thus three suitors for each part makes five parts.

This is part one, which means the first three suitors; Napoleon, Mozart, and Leonardo.

Also, I will be using myself (Amelia; looks like Uraraka from MHA but with peach colored eyes, fluffy and curvy figure, and is between 5’9-5’10 in height) as an insert for the MC and as the one who helps the suitors through their strange experience.

Faust needed a few test subjects for his new experimental elixir, and naturally he first moved to put it into Charles’s and Vlad’s dinner. But, by some inexplicable reason, a few vials of the elixir somehow made their way to le Comte’s mansion and ended up in the residents’s dinner. Let’s see how this plays out, shall we???

Napoleon Bonaparte

Napoleon woke up at a reasonable time somehow, so that in its own right was strange, but he felt strange in another way

His chest felt heavy, his back had a slight pain in it, and his hair felt much longer than it was when he went to bed the previous evening

When the former emperor sat up, stretched, and yawned, he noticed something else amiss

His voice sounded different, more delicate and high pitched

Intrigued and slightly concerned by his findings, Napoleon got out of his bed and looked down to find two find his hair down to his waist and two breasts on his chest

Napoleon stood frozen in shock as he looked down at his new body, confused until he heard a knocking on his door

“Napoleon? It’s time to get up, breakfast is soon.”

Right on schedule, Amelia was knocking on Napoleon’s door to get him up for breakfast and said man was now, miraculously, a woman and frozen by his bed in shock

Gaining no response as usual, Amelia let out a small sigh, murmured that she was coming in, and entered the former emperor’s room

And when she turned around after closing the door, the brunette woman froze when she made eye contact with the former man and the two just stared at each other

After a few moments Amelia asked for an explanation and Napoleon answered completely honestly; he just woke up and he was a woman

Amelia blinked at the former emperor, who just blinked back before she sighed and told Napoleon to wait for her a moment so she could go get a few things from her room

And five minutes later, Amelia came back to Napoleon with a few undergarments, a few hair things, and a few clothes from her closet

Since Napoleon seemed to be about the same cup size, if a bit smaller, as her and about the same amount of curves as her as well, Amelia just let Napoleon have some new undergarments and gave him some pants and a shirt because her new build didn’t allow him to fit his usual clothes too well

Napoleon pretty much looked the same as he did before, only his face was softer, his lips were fuller, his nose was more of a button shape, and he had soft, chubby looking cheeks

Napoleon didn’t mind his hair being brushed, but it annoyed him having it down, so Amelia put it up for him and gave him his coat

And once Napoleon had his coat, he asked if it was time for breakfast and Amelia said yes but asked if he was really sure he wanted to go out in front of the rest of the residents in his current situation

And he simply said yes and that it would be fairly simple to explain

And he was right

Napoleon simply explained that he woke up as a woman and everyone just went with it, Arthur even tried to flirt a bit just to see what would happen and immediately had to apologize when a sword was at his throat

Napoleon simply went on about his day, which he had off from teaching

He mostly spent his time sparing with Jean, who looked a bit uncomfortable and spoke like he was speaking to a woman he’d just met, and with Amelia simply to ask her questions about how women did things, like how they went to the bathroom and dealt with the random pain in the abdomen that attacked throughout the day

Pretty much, the day went as usual and the next day, Napoleon was back to normal and no one talked about the day before

And Amelia wracked her brain for answers as to how Napoleon became a woman until she got a headache and had to take a nap

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

He woke up and immediately knew something was amiss

When he looked down to see breasts instead of his usual chest, he almost screamed

Almost

Instead of trying to go to anyone else, Mozart decided to quickly make his way to the music room and just start composing a new song to distract himself

But, noticing his absence at breakfast, Amelia offered to bring Mozart at least a bottle of Rouge to make sure he got what actually gave him nourishment to live

And so the woman wandered through the mansion and to the music room to see Mozart at his piano, his back to her and was his hair a bit longer than before?

When Amelia called out to the musician, he whipped around to look at the brunette and she was met by a sight indeed

Mozart’s face was much softer looking and slender, the soft outline of two free breasts could be seen under his clothes, and his hair was slightly longer than it was the day before

The two just stared at each other before Amelia just walked over to Mozart and placed the Rouge in his hand

“I won’t tell anyone about this and I’ll just say you’d like to be alone today. I’ll bring you more Rouge during lunch and dinner.”

Mozart just muttered out a halfhearted thanks to Amelia, who tried not to comment on how soft and delicate his voice was as a woman and just noises before she left the music room

And Amelia didn’t tell anyone about the musician’s condition, but did tell everyone that Mozart was very invested in his latest piece he was composing and wished to be left alone aside from the delivering of his Rouge

Mozart just spent his day in his music room, annoyed at his back’s slight ache and finding the breasts he now had uncomfortable and sweaty

And he was so thankful to wake up and actually be a man again in the morning

Later, after breakfast, Mozart pulled Amelia aside and gave her a small yet curt thanks for respecting his wishes yesterday before he turned away and went on about his day

Leonardo da Vinci

He woke up under the table in the library surrounded by books after falling asleep while staying up late and researching

Leonardo didn’t really notice anything until he realized that he felt something squishy between his chest and the floor

Being groggy and confused from having just woken up, it wasn’t much of a surprise that he hit his head when Amelia was shouting his name and scolding him for falling asleep under a table…again

“Scusa, cara mia…”

Both the maid and sleepy vampire froze at the sound of Leonardo’s voice

It was groggy and thick with sleep, yes, but it was lighter and it was more delicate and honey sweet sounding than normal

And now that Leonardo was slowly waking up, he realized his hair was long and splayed around his head and on his arms he used as a pillow to sleep on during the night

Throughly confused, Leonardo crawled out from under the table and stretched once he was out and Amelia stared at the Renaissance Man with wide eyes

His hair now reached a few inches past his shoulders, his features were slightly softer and his lips fuller, and both large breasts and new curves shaped his body differently

Once he was done stretching, Leonardo looked down at his body and blinked silently for a few moments

“Ah… So this is what it’s like to have breasts.”

Amelia looked at Leonardo like he was an idiot as he murmured to himself and inspected his new body as best he could

After a few minutes, Amelia just dragged Leonardo out of the library and to her room so that she could actually get him dressed properly so that the residents wouldn’t see tits every time they looked in his direction

Leonardo didn’t really mind, he just let Amelia teach him how to get the proper undergarment for his chest on and brush his hair because he was still a bit sleepy

And, despite having a slightly different figure due to being turned into a woman, Leonardo was still very muscular and could still fit his clothes pretty well, he just needed to adjust his belt and button up his shirt a little more so he wasn’t exposed in front of a house full of men

And after all of that, Leonardo just went on about his day and went out for a quick smoke, laughing at Comte when he saw Leo and began freaking out about him being a woman now

Eventually everyone in the mansion knew that Leonardo was somehow a woman but didn’t really question it since he was a bit of a loner and didn’t seem to bothered by his situation

And when he woke up the next day, this time in his own bed, Leonardo was a man again

Of course he paid no mind to it and went along with his day as normal, the other residents never questioning what had happened with him the day prior

And that’s the first three suitors done! I’ll be posting the next part as soon as I can, so be on the lookout!

[buckysgrace]

Thirty Two

San Diego, 1983

Billy

When he first heard about Kimberly, he hated her.

Absolutely despised her. He had heard of nothing short of how amazing she was, how incredibly smart, how respectful she was, how responsible she was. From the moment Neil had met her he was infatuated, and it drove Billy crazy. All he had was his dad, and now his dad was easily showing his love to someone that wasn't him. He was bitter.

He honestly hoped she got hit by a bus and he’d never have to hear about her again. His dad had always had high expectations for women. They could either act the way he wanted them to act or he would beat it into them. Billy was surprised Neil had found someone else that thought low enough about themselves to actually marry him. Most women turned and ran at the first threat of anger. Billy wished he could. 

He was even more surprised when he found out that Kimberly wasn’t the woman his father was marrying, rather the woman's daughter. He connected the pieces soon enough after that. She must’ve been near his age; someone Neil could dangle over Billy’s head to brag on how he should be acting.

He thought it would be easy enough to scare her away the first time they met. He’d run into his fair share of nerdy girls; they were easy to break and leave in tears. What he wasn’t expecting was her .

She had a heart shaped face, a dainty little nose and freckles that seemed to go on forever on her soft cheeks. Her eyebrows were thick, and he was quickly able to recognize that she used them to express herself. They were always moving; together, up and down as she thought and spoke. Her hair was red and curled against her shoulders. She was nearly his height and seemed to constantly try to shrink herself to be smaller. 

He was hoping for an easy target, someone he could easily hate and use to make their parents fall apart from each other. It was no use. He felt as if being mean to her would be similar to kicking a little puppy. He liked to think that he wasn’t that cruel.

“Billy,” His dad clapped him on the shoulder hard, squeezing tightly so he made sure that his son knew to behave, “This is Kimberly and Maxine. They’re Susan’s daughters.” He motioned towards the two girls. Billy glanced at the younger one, noting how she looked angry. Susan wrapped the two girls up, even though her eldest daughter seemed to tower over her and hugged them proudly. Billy could feel a sick feeling growing in his gut as his resentment began to grow again. 

“Well,” Susan sort of pushed the two girls forward as Neil did the same to Billy. They stood in an awkward triangle, none of them sure of how to approach the other, “You all get to know each other. You’ll be seeing each other a lot more.” That’s how they left them. Billy pushed his hands into his pockets, bouncing his foot from the nerves that were building inside of him. He wanted nothing more than to smoke but Neil had taken them from him already. 

“I like to go by Kim,” She finally spoke up, her voice sounding like he imagined syrup would sound like. Smooth and sickeningly sweet, “And this is Max.” She gestured towards her younger sister before she popped her knuckles. Billy analyzed her again, realizing how often she played with her fingers. Max shrugged, keeping quiet. It took him a minute to realize the younger girl was sizing him up the same way he was doing towards them. 

“Okay,” He wasn’t sure how to talk to her. The only time he really talked to girls was to flirt with them and he knew she was off limits. Neil had already beaten that into him, “Cool I guess.” He watched her cheeks grow rosy, then spread like a wildfire.

He noted how she didn’t blush like other girls. Her cheeks turned to the color of tomatoes and traveled clear down to her collarbone. It only seemed to intensify as he watched her. Her eyes kept darting away, like she was afraid to look at him.

“Do you have a sunburn?” He asked suddenly, tired of sitting in silence. She snapped her head to look at him, her eyebrows rising high in surprise as she opened her mouth to defend herself.

“No,” She stumbled out, finally meeting his eye contact. They were hazel. Her eyes were the warmest brown and the mossiest green mixed together. The sunlight seemed to dance upon them and give her a golden hue, “It’s not a sunburn.” She mumbled, sounding even more embarrassed as she tucked her rudish red hair behind her ear. It was past her shoulders and curled softly against her back. 

Billy wasn’t sure how he was supposed to hate someone that looked so innocent.

“Do you do anything cool?” The younger one, Max, spoke up suddenly. Billy spared a look at her.

“I’m playing baseball right now.” He didn’t feel the need to ask her anything in return. The truth was he played whatever sport would have him. The more he was at school, the less time he had to spend with his dad. Which meant the less he got beat.

“Oh, baseball!” Kim exclaimed, trying to look excited. Billy didn’t like that she had already made peace with their situation. He felt like he shouldn’t be the only one suffering, “My daddy took me to a baseball game once.” He resisted the urge to scoff, noting how Neil was watching them.

“Yeah? Who’d you see?” He grumbled, wishing he was out surfing instead of having to participate in this stupid conversation. He almost felt bad by the way her face fell. He meant the question in a genuine way but could piece together how she thought he was testing her. She looked to her younger sister for support.

“Dodgers.” Max answered simply, holding her arms together as she hid under her umbrella to keep her away from the sun. Kim nodded, looking a bit reassured as she turned to face the ocean again. They were the only group of people that were quiet. Around them he could make out the sound of laughter and children playing. He watched the two of them, trying to come up with some way to run them off. He thought about how it would feel to have other people in the house and wondered if it would finally free him of the chance of being beaten all the time. Billy immediately felt guilty, knowing he wouldn’t be able to handle watching Neil beat on a bunch of little girls. But he would.

It didn’t take long for Neil and Susan to get married after that. Three weeks. Billy had three weeks left of his old life before he was forced into a suit and another buzzcut as he stood behind his father at the altar. He was bitter, but he felt it slowly turning into something else as he stared at her .

He thought that if he believed in angels, Kim would be one. The pale-yellow dress was a bit too short against her long legs, resting high on her thighs. She looked happy; her plump lips curled into a smile as she watched her mother. He noticed a small dimple on the left side of her cheek, it just barely poked out, making it easy to miss. Billy felt bad for her, she would soon understand what kind of horrible situation they would all be stuck in. He thought that she looked to sweet to experience someone like Neil. He felt his eyes lingering everywhere, tracing over the curve of her body and back towards her soft features again. 

He thought about what she would taste like if they kissed. He wondered if she was as sweet as she looked. His mind wandered elsewhere, thinking about what she was wondering underneath her tiny dress. He wondered if her freckles traveled all the way down her soft body or if they faded away into her pale skin. He wasn't sure why the prettiest girl he'd ever seen had to be the daughter of the bitch his father was marrying. The realization that she was to be his sister didn't die down the fire inside of him, it only seemed to make it spread through his body. He thought of how easy she would be to ruin, how he’d easily get his old life back.

“Get closer, scoot in like that,” The photographer had squished them all together and Billy could feel an unknown feeling traveling through his body when Kim wrapped her arm around his waist. He stiffened, resisting the urge to shove her off of him. He hadn’t been touched in so long that it no longer felt comfortable to him. She beamed at him, not seeming to notice how freaked out he was from her touch, “Just a bit closer.” They were shuffling towards each other again and Billy could feel a warmth spreading in his stomach from how close she was to him. She smelt like cherries. He wondered if she tasted the same way between her legs. 

He wasn’t paying attention to the camera; he was too busy staring at her freckled cheeks and the curve of her nose. He could feel his heart race increasing as he watched her press a wide smile against her lips as she posed for the camera. He could feel the jolts of electricity traveling up his back from where she was holding onto him. He hadn’t felt such a fire inside of him before. He indulged, letting his eyes linger against her chest before he looked back at her pretty features again.

The flash had surprised him, he was drawn away from him and back towards the photographer, “Let’s do it again. This time everyone looks this way.” Billy cursed under his breath, shifting as Kim widened her eyes at the filthy words he muttered inside the church. If only she knew what he was really thinking about at the moment. He faced the camera this time, staying stone faced as the flash went off again. He just hoped he hadn’t looked too obvious in the picture.

“This is it. It's not much,” Neil said as he paraded his big house around to the three girls. Billy was fairly sure it was a lot for them considering the size of their apartment and how it only took four boxes for them to pack up and move. Still, they seemed to be a lot happier than what he was. He thought it was odd how Max tended to hang onto her sister's arm more than her mother's, "You two can pick out your own rooms." When his dad smiled at the two girls, he smiled brightly. Like he was finally getting his perfect family. It was making Billy resentful, making him feel like he needed to do something outlandish to get his father's attention again.

"We can have our own room?" Max asked, almost cautiously as she looked between her mother and Neil. He was smiling widely, and Billy searched for the familiar sense of hatred behind his eyes. He didn't notice it, seeing only happiness for the first time. It made him sick and even more bitter than before, wondering if he really did make his father miserable. Neil always said so, but Billy always brushed it off as his anger speaking. Now, he wasn't so sure. Max was off first, searching through the large house while Kim lingered nearby. She walked slowly, her fingers trailing against the wall. Billy found himself staring, thinking of the stories of fairies his mother used to tell him.

“This is nice,” Kim peaked into Billy’s room. Neil had forced him to take all of his posters down and hide away the music he listened to. He felt like Neil was making him pretend to be someone that he wasn't. He watched as her eyes lingered against his window nook, “I like the blue too.” She mentioned, referencing his painted walls. He was about to thank her when Neil spoke over him. 

“You can have it,” Neil said suddenly, “Billy won’t mind moving.” Her hazel eyes widened, glancing towards the blonde boy. He bit his lip hard, trying to keep his mouth closed. He has spent the past sixteen years in this room and now he was just expected to move without a fight? The anger was bubbling inside of him, but he tried to keep his cool as Kim's eyes lingered on his expression. He waited for her to react in joy as Neil let her get her way.

“Sure,” He replied through clenched teeth, glancing away from his father’s harsh gaze. He tried not to wince as Neil walked up next to him, clasping his shoulder tightly. Billy was used to his hard squeezes. Neil tended to do it in public a lot and no one ever seemed to notice the way it hurt his arm, “It’s all yours.” She was shaking her head before he could finish speaking, her eyes landing nervously on Neil's hand. She looked a bit panicked, like she realized she had stepped into a situation she didn't want to be a part of. 

“Oh no, no it’s okay. I liked the other one too. It has a cute garden windowsill; I could grow flowers in it.” She seemed even more excited as she spoke, trying to lighten the situation. She smiled towards Billy, walking away like she was the breeze as she followed her younger sister towards the other rooms. He stared after her, completely feeling awed at how casual she was. She was like fresh air and he felt like he needed more of it. He quickly moved his eyes away, feeling Susan watching him. 

It was fine for a while, mostly awkward as they tried to adjust with each other. Max didn’t speak a lot, but she liked Billy’s car and they spent most of their time speaking of it. They'd spend afternoons after school taking turns on his skateboard. Max wasn't bad, but had admitted that she hadn't been able to skate for a good year after her last one broke. It made him feel guilty, thinking of how many different sports equipment he had blown through the years and Neil had been quick to replace it. Kim would nod along, like she understood but looking completely lost as she watched them interact. Billy liked the way her eyebrows would furrow in confusion. How she’d look like she wanted to ask a question but had decided against it before she stuck her nose into another book. She spent many afternoons at the library and he was sure there were little books she hadn't read. He spent more time analyzing her, trying to figure her out than he spent actually talking to her. 

He learned quick enough that she was bashful and liked to draw and write for hours in her diaries. She would sheepishly close the door if anyone caught her writing, however, like she was too embarrassed to be caught doing so. He recognized her sweet tooth early on and the way she'd rather eat candy than a real meal. He wasn't sure how her teeth were still in her gums with the amount of sugar she'd eat. He'd watch every morning as she made her bowl of cereal and dump at least six teaspoons of sugar on top of that. It made his own teeth hurt as he thought about trying to eat the same thing. At times he'd notice her drawings that she'd create. She was good, but again, always too shy to share it. 

Neil put her on the highest pedestal. Her grade cards were always posted on the fridge as he would brag about her achievements. Her face would flush, and he could tell she was always uncomfortable with the way Neil would hold onto her. At times he could see how it bothered Max as well and he came to feel glad that he wasn't the only one that was constantly being outcasted. It felt like everything revolved around Kim at times, however, Billy still couldn't find it in himself to hate her. It irritated him.

He didn’t like the way Neil paid the two girls more attention than what he did to his own son. They were strangers and Billy bore the same blood, the same last name as the man. It didn’t matter what good thing he did, Neil never paid attention to him. No matter how many games he won or how good his grades were, Neil acted as if it was nothing. The only time he ever looked in his direction was if Billy was doing something wrong. He hated it, hated his whole situation and the people he was forced to live with. 

He decided he would be the one to break this family apart. He was good with girls, knew exactly what to do in order to drive them crazy. They flocked to him, twisting their hair and smiling dopey at him as soon as he smiled at them. He figured it would be easy. Kim was so innocent, so naive that he figured it would take no time at all for her to spread her legs for him. Then they could be gone and Billy would never have to think about her stupid smile again.

He was wrong. No matter how hard he tried to flirt with her, to make a move and drag her towards him it didn’t work. Any chance he got to make a dirty joke, to compliment her or simply interact around her she’d pool into a puddle of red and go on her merry way. Billy was stumped. He had never had someone resist him in that manner, to be so utterly unaware of just how badly he wanted her. It drove him crazy and alighted a new flame inside of him. It was like she was haunting him, each time he got the chance to be with another girl her face would appear right before he climaxed. She was driving him mad and she had no idea.

He tried to convince himself at first it was to ruin her image towards their parents, to show them that she really wasn’t this perfect person they bragged about all the time. He was jealous. He blamed it on formerly being an only child. His father never saw him as his pride and joy, but at least he didn’t have somebody else to favor. Not that he necessarily blamed Kim, she never seemed to enjoy the attention that much. She was nearly a toy for the both of them.

It was hard, so desperately hard to hate her. She’d show up to all of his games, no matter what school activities or outings with her friends she had planned. She'd sit in the front row in her cute little dresses, waving towards him each time he passed by. He spent many times in the shower after his game trying to scrub the image of her out of his mind. She was always kind to him, even when he was mean to her. She did her best to make him feel welcome and he thought her doing that was the worst for him. This was his house, his father, yet she was the one who was trying to make him feel comfortable. It made him realize just how small he actually was.

“What’s that?” He asked on an early spring morning, noting the gardening items she was tugging out of her room. She beamed, lighting up the gaping hole in his heart as she looked at him. She had on a pink shirt that exposed part of her midriff and he was surprised that Neil had allowed for her to wear something like that. He stared at her pale, exposed skin. He was right, thinking that her whole body was covered in freckles. He looked away, pretending to be staring at her overalls instead.

“I’m going to plant some carnations in my windowsill,” She replied cheerily. He watched her, feeling his tight lines fade from his face. He compared her to the warm breezes he felt when he was in the ocean. He didn’t think of her as sunlight, no, she was always too cold to be something so warm. He thought she reminded him of moonlight; soft and radiant in her own way that wasn’t overbearing, “They’re my favorite.” She replied as she walked around him. He watched for a moment, looking at the way her hips moved and imagining what it would be like to hold onto them.

He decided that as fun as it sounded to ruin her, he wouldn’t be able to go through with it. He didn’t understand what made her different from all the other girls he had been with. He usually had no issue leaving them to pick up the broken parts of their hearts, but something about her felt different. He didn’t want to hurt her. He wanted to be the one to make her smile. He was suddenly thankful for her awkwardness, but made sure that the guys at their school knew to leave her alone. 

Yet, the thought of her being even more unattainable left him in dire need of her. He thought he was losing his mind. She would barely brush up against him and he would find himself hard. It wouldn’t go away either until he fixed it with his hand or with whichever girl he was with. It didn’t matter who he was doing. All he could picture was the dainty redhead and her plump lips, the curve of her breasts and, of course, her virgin pussy. He was sure he would never recover if he felt his cock inside of her. It would be sinful, but the closest to heaven he would ever reach.

It didn’t help that at first she had no idea of how to handle his lack of personal space. When they passed each other in rooms she would ruffle his hair, pat his arm or do whatever she could to place her soft fingers against his skin. He wondered if she knew that it burnt and sank straight into his bones. If they sat near each other she would always be too close, her thighs or breasts constantly brushing against his skin. He had spent many agonizing dinners with the largest boner he’d ever had while she ate her food, clueless, while he was picturing sprawling her over the kitchen table and having his way with her. 

“Can I ask you something?” He had asked her one morning before school as they leaned against his car. She was on the opposite side and he noticed she'd do that when he'd start to smoke. She was wearing a green dress that brought out the color in her eyes. Neil had smacked him the night before when he had asked why the two girls couldn’t just take the bus. Now, he’d be forced to sit next to her and not stare at her pale legs. She looked at the bruise on his cheek with curiosity but didn't say anything about it. He almost wished she would. He was sure that she thought he was just as bad as everyone made him out to be.

“Sure,” She bounced over towards him, walking around the car and resting her hands on her backpack straps as they waited for Max. She was always the last one to wake up, “What is it?” He almost hated to ask, looking into her warm eyes and wishing that maybe things were different. It wouldn’t matter. Even if their parents weren’t married he wouldn’t let himself fall for her. He’d leave her ruined, he was sure of that. He didn't do feelings. He found out early enough, that love was bullshit. It was better to avoid her. 

“Can you,” He huffed softly, never quite the best at saying things nicely. He rehearsed it in his head again, trying to make it sound as nice as possible, “Just don’t touch me. It’s irritating.” He kicked himself mentally, looking at the way her face dropped. He hadn't meant it bad, he just knew his dick would end up falling off if he continued to get hard each time she grazed against him. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was bothering you,” He felt guilty all over again, feeling as if he had just run over a bunch of puppies in front of their mother, “I won’t do it again. I promise.” She nodded. She meant it, she never touched him the same way as she had been. Billy was at least glad she didn’t press the issue. He just wasn't comfortable having other people touch him. He did find himself missing the feeling of her skin against his in the following weeks. 

There were two blissful months after they married that Neil wasn’t beating him. He wasn’t hitting Billy as much and his cruel comments were only said if they were alone, which was rare. Billy still spent as much time as he could after school with his sports. If he was careful, he could time it well and not have to see his father without someone else being home. It worked for a while.

“What do you want?” It was rare that Max approached Billy. She seemed to be just as angry as he was. He had taken to calling her Mad Max. Partially because she knew exactly what to say to make people hurt and because she had chopped her hair off with a pair of scissors after Neil and Susan had been convincing her to look more girlish. She had balls, he’d give her that. She had inspired him to grow his hair out like he’d been wanted. Neil was pissed, but Billy continued to do it anyway. He felt like Neil wouldn’t do anything as long as he was trying to impress the girls that were adjusting to living with them.

“What do they taste like?” She asked, sitting on the steps next to him. Her haircut was odd and choppy. Kim had let it slip that this wasn't the first time she had cut her hair in an anger. He thought it was odd. Max was the younger sibling, but she always seemed much more worried about protecting Kim. He wondered if he would've been a good brother. He blew the smoke from his mouth, looking at her curiously. He handed the cigarette towards her, offering her to try it for herself if she was interested enough. She pushed her hair out of her face as she took it. He thought she looked a bit funny, her hair resembling an odd bowl shape. Susan had tried to fix the mop on her head but had given up after she only made it smaller.

Max pulled it to her lips, inhaling softly before pulling away and erupting into a loud coughing fit. He couldn’t help himself from the laughter that left his lips. Her face was beat red, matching the shade of her hair as she tried to catch her breath. She turned, glaring daggers at the older boy as she let his old skateboard fall to the ground. He had offered to get her a new one, but she had refused. She said she liked that one better than the rest. He shrugged it off, no longer using it as much anyways.

“Max!” Susan shouted, rounding along the porch. Billy muttered under his breath as he took the cigarette from the smaller girl's hand and put it out. He was hoping that she hadn’t seen, “I need you.” Susan watched Billy for a second and he knew then that she had seen it all. He shrugged, not thinking anything of it until later when Neil summoned him to their room.

“What?” He looked between Susan and Neil, feeling defensive over her frantic expression. Neil sighed, leaning forward as he rested his elbows on his thighs, a position Billy was used to seeing. Neil always did this before he beat the shit out of him. 

“Did you give Maxine a cigarette?” He sounded as disappointed as he always did. Billy slowly trailed his eyes towards Susan, noticing how her arms were crossed tightly over her chest and her lips were pulled together tightly. He understood why she had been so frantic to get the girls inside, now. She had to go and snitch to his dad.

“Yeah,” He admitted, knowing that his dad already knew the truth, “But she asked for it.” He did his best to defend himself but Neil already dropped his head with a sigh. Billy watched the way he tapped his foot on the floor before he stood.

“Tell Susan you’re sorry.” Neil approached him and Billy felt his eyebrows furrowing together. He felt a bubble of anger forming in his chest. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he couldn’t help that the little brat wanted to try smoking. He wasn't her dad, he wasn't her brother. He didn't care if she started smoking. That wasn't his problem. 

“For what?” He couldn’t stop his anger once it got to a certain point, “It’s not my fault she leaves me to watch her kid, if she’s so concerned with Max she shou-” He tasted blood before he felt his father’s fist. Billy stumbled back against the wall, fearful for a second as he gripped his mouth. His gums hurt so bad he was sure that he had lost a tooth. He turned to his father, surprised. 

“Neil!” Susan looked horrified as she glanced between the two of them, “What did you do?” She was rushing towards Billy’s side, trying to look at his lip before he pushed her away. Neil backhanded him.

“See, this is why you’ll never amount to anything. You’ve got no respect for anyone around you! She was trying to help you and you pushed her away, why would you do that?” All Billy could do was stare as he felt the blood forming in his mouth. He didn’t know why he did the things he did. He didn’t understand what he had done wrong to have Neil treat him this way. Everything he said made his father mad. 

“Neil! Don’t tell him that, Jesus,” She looked unaffected by Billy shoving her away. He felt a lump forming in the chest from the way she was looking at him. It reminded him of how his mom would look at him whenever he’d get hurt. The thought made him want to cry but he knew it would only get worse if he did so. Neil hated tears more than anything, “You can’t hit him.” Billy was surprised that she honestly had no idea about his father’s nature.

“I can’t?” Neil looked at her flabbergasted, “Don’t you tell me how to raise my son. You’re not a part of this. If you didn’t want me to discipline him you should’ve never told me about it.” Susan looked frantic, glancing towards Billy like she hadn't wanted this to happen. He didn't trust her. 

“I wanted you to tell him it was wrong, not to hit him! You made him bleed.” Billy thought about laughing, knowing this was far from the worst incident. The pain in his mouth was already fading away, it hadn’t been like when the older man had snapped his arm. He had spent four days in agony, trying to convince his dad that something was wrong. Neil simply beat him more, calling him a pussy. Billy thought his dad would kill him when he got the hospital bill back.

“He’s my son,” Neil responded through gritted teeth, not used to someone sticking up for Billy. Billy wasn’t used to it either and it made him feel cautious, “You discipline your girls how you like and I’ll do the same with Billy.” Billy felt the need to leave the room. He had never seen a woman look quite so angry at his father as what Susan did now.

“You can’t hit him. That’s barbaric, it’s sick,” Susan’s face curled into disgust as she motioned towards Billy, “I mean, you talk all the time about all the trouble he gets into but I wonder why. You can’t treat someone you love in this manner.” Billy thought that he should be happy that she was defending him. He had hoped for someone to do so for a long time. Now, all he felt was sickness. What did she know about his dad? She hadn’t even been dating his father for that long. Neil loved Billy, he was sure of it. He was just hard on him.

“Don’t,” Neil hissed out, his patience beginning to fade. Billy noticed the look on his face. He wanted to hit her, but he was restraining himself, “Don’t raise your voice at me.” Neil wagged a finger at her. Susan’s eyes widened but she didn’t look scared.

“Or what? Are you going to hit me too? Because I promise as soon as you do my girls, and I will be gone. Don’t think I won’t tell people what you do either.” She threatened him, looking completely serious.

“You would be nowhere without me!” Neil was screaming, his feet planted in front of Susan’s small figure, “You were about to lose the girls, I saved you. Me! You should show me some goddamn respect. Do they even know what you were doing when I found you?” Billy thought he had overheard too much and slowly began to inch his way back towards the door. He hadn’t known much about them, other than that they had lived in a small apartment downtown. 

Susan huffed, looking on the verge of tears. Billy didn’t understand the whole story. From how it sounded before, their dad wanted nothing to do with them. Maybe it was all a lie.

“You don’t get to compare our experiences,” She spoke finally, her voice shaking and no longer fierce. Whatever anger that had been inside of her was melting away. Billy realized suddenly that she was trapped, Neil had been her last option, “I won’t say anything again.” She said after a moment and suddenly Billy felt like a small boy again, wishing for someone to help him. Just like all the other women who had entered his life, Susan did nothing. It was easier for her to pretend that he wasn’t even there.

He thought again about popping his dad's perfect bubble. He was sure if he tried hard enough that he would rope Kim in. He knew that all girls became easy once you got their clothes off. Neil had taught him that a long time ago. Kim would be perfect. She was currently Neil’s pride and joy. He spent all day, all night talking about how perfect she was.

Still, Billy couldn’t hate her. He couldn’t imagine doing anything that would actually hurt her. She was sweet to him in a way that he had craved so desperately for so long. At times he’d find himself looking for her in crowded rooms and at school just so that he could stand next to her. She always had a gleam in her eye when she looked at him. It made him feel like he was special, that he wasn’t as small as what he felt. He liked when she looked at him, because she never looked disappointed or mad. They never spoke much, he couldn't ever find the right words to tell her. She made him feel comfortable and she didn't even know it. He liked that despite living together, she didn’t think that he was weak. Neil hadn’t poisoned her mind against him.

Yet.

“What was that?” The blonde girl on top of him stopped her movements. Billy groaned in frustration, he had already had a shit night and it just seemed to grow worse as loud music carried into his room from the living room. He still wasn't used to having other people in the house. It always seemed to interrupt his plans of getting laid. This was the third time that this had happened in a week. 

“Nothing,” He sat up, watching as she pulled her clothes together in a hurry, “Where are you going?” He asked, not quite satisfied with the throbbing between his legs. She huffed at him, pulling her clothes on.

“You didn’t tell me that anyone else would be here. They can’t see me.” She replied quickly as Billy stared at her. She was a friend of Susan’s; he had met her last week when her work had some sort of charity function that Neil forced Billy to attend. He had always had a lucky streak with older women and she had been no different. He had partially been hoping that Susan would come back and find them together. He thought it would be funny to see the horrified look on her face. 

“It’s probably just Max and Kim, they won’t care,” In truth, he was unsure if they even knew when he had brought girls over. The house was so spacious that you could avoid each other if you tried hard enough. Which Max seemed to be trying to do, “Seriously, don’t leave.” He tried to reach for her hand, but she was pulling away.

“This was a dumb idea, I’m married. Just, just forget this happened, okay? Please.” She slid her shoes on quickly and an empty feeling settled inside of Billy. He was always just a quick, regretful lay. No one truly wanted to be with him. He had given up that he would actually find someone a long time ago.

“You know the way out.” He snarled at her, reaching over to light his cigarette up. She glared at him, pulling his door open harshly and leaving it wide open. He huffed in irritation as the kitchen light shone into his room. He stood, wrapping his sheet around his waist as he made his way to the door.

“Hey, do you want any,” Kim stepped forward, her eyes widening as she took in his form. He pressed his tongue against his cheek, noticing the way her body turned red and her eyes lingered against his shirtless form, “Any pizza?” She squeaked out after a second. Her eyes were still lingering against his chest. He grinned, feeling his charm come back on as he leaned against the doorway.

“What kind of pizza?” He tilted his head as he watched her. She pulled her hazel eyes back up towards him, looking utterly mortified as she seemed to be thinking for an answer. Billy was sure that she had never seen a shirtless guy before. It was clear from how she began to fidget and look away from him. He thought that she looked cute suddenly.

“I think pepperoni,” She mumbled, looking up at the ceiling, “I don’t know, maybe cheese.” She was still looking up at the sky. He took a step from his room, holding onto his sheets as he glanced up with her. He could feel her cold skin pressing against his warm chest, and he noted how much wider her eyes grew in size. It took everything in him not to laugh. He wondered what he would do if he dropped his sheet from around his waist. He was almost a hundred percent sure he'd end up traumatizing her rather than getting a good lay. 

“Is there a spider up there?��� He asked. He liked teasing her. It was fun watching her get flustered, almost as if it was a game to see how red she could get. He watched her gulp hard as she shrugged her shoulders.

“I think so,” She tucked her hair behind her ear, glancing at him nervously, “I’m going to call so um.” She waved at him, turning away quickly and walking fast towards the kitchen. He grinned, resting back against the doorway as he watched her rush away. He bit his lip, thinking how badly he wanted to sink his teeth into her. 

Their gracing period had finally come to a halt. Neil was slowly growing angrier, and Billy figured that it was even worse as he couldn’t openly hit him in front of the rest of them. Billy had let his guard down, believing that he was safe as long as he was with someone else. Like usual, he was wrong. 

“What did you do?” Billy looked up unaware of Neil’s harsh tone. He was all too used to him speaking like this but by the way the room filled with silence he remembered that the three girls in the kitchen weren’t. He glanced up at his father’s fiery eyes, ignoring the feeling of everyone watching him. He wasn't used to a crowd gathering before he got beat.

“You’re going to have to be more specific.” He didn’t mean for it to sound snarky but could feel himself cringing at how his words came out. Neil was on him in a second, gripping the collar of his shirt tightly and yanking him forward until he was inches from his father’s face. He was all too aware of the angry lines on Neil’s face. Billy knew those better than anything. This was his father and he had been hiding for some time.

“Respect and responsibility, right?” Billy nodded along, clueless. Neil must’ve noticed his confused expression because soon Billy was stumbling back into the kitchen island, his nose stinging from the swift punch his father delivered. He had never been able to pick up when he would hit. He could slightly hear the frantic sound of the chairs scraping against the tiles before Neil gripped his shirt again, “Why the fuck did you get a speeding ticket then?” Billy felt his heart sinking into his stomach.

Shit.

He had been careless, hadn’t even seen the cop when he had sped by. Max had bet him that he couldn’t get them home from the skate park in under ten minutes. Much to Kim’s dismay, he accepted. It had seemed to be all in good fun at the time. They had been laughing, even well after he got the ticket. He did his best to cover his tracks but figured one of them must’ve snitched. 

“You snitched?” He hissed out towards no one in general, but his eyes lingered on Kim’s horrified expression as she stood around the kitchen island. She had stood so fast that she had knocked the bar stool onto the ground. She was gripping the counter tightly, her fingers nearly white. Max was sitting there stony, looking as if she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. Billy could notice Susan's figure retreating in the background. Neil punched him so hard that he slammed back against the kitchen drawers, rattling what rested inside. He groaned, feeling the warm rush of liquid beginning to pour from his nose. Neil used to never hit Billy in the face in fear of bruising, but bloody noses had become his specialty recently. When someone asked, Billy just used the excuse that he had fought someone. Their curious minds always bought his lie.

“You dumb fuck,” Neil hissed and Billy flickered his eyes up to noticed the envelope in his hands. He felt sick suddenly. He was used to checking the mail first thing when he knew he had done something wrong. He hadn’t been fast enough today, “It’s like you want me to get mad. Why did you speed?”

“Our fault! It was our fault,” He heard Kim’s frantic voice and closed his eyes tightly, knowing that she had made it worse without meaning to, “We asked him to go fast over those hills. You know, it’s fun. We didn’t notice the cop. It was our fault, just, just please stop.” He looked up into his father’s stern face, noticing a look of hatred cross his features as he peered back down at his son.

Billy’s nose erupted into agony as Neil dragged the opened envelope along his face, coasting the paper and his features with his blood. He kept his eyes clenched tightly together, trying not to show any of his emotions. It would just make it that much worse, “Do you realize what you could’ve done to your sisters?” Neil’s voice was gruff as he squeezed the paper over Billy’s face and slammed his head back against the counter. He felt dazed for a moment as his head felt as if it may explode. He bent over, wincing as he cupped his head in his hands, trying to will the pain to leave him. He was too distracted to hear the rustle of Neil’s belt, but he sure did feel the stinging that it left on his back. 

“Stop it! Stop!” He could vaguely hear Max’s voice after Neil delivered lash after lash against his back, his sides, down his legs and wherever else he could reach. He was breathing hard, trying to control his actions so he didn’t break down into tears. His whole body was stinging with pain, he hadn’t felt such agony before.

All over a speeding ticket.

“What did you do?” Kim’s voice was next, sounding a lot closer to him and shaky. He looked down at the white tiled floors, watching the blood drip from his mouth and slide into the cracks. He wished he could disappear, to hide away. They weren’t supposed to see him like this. He didn’t want their pity. 

“Hm,” Neil grunted and ignored Kim's question, as Billy tried to focus on breathing.  He felt his hands clench together as he waited for the next lash to come. It never did, “Some son I have. A worthless loser who needs two little girls to defend him.” It was worse than getting hit in the face. He’d rather Neil beat him than to speak to him in this way. Neil rose slowly, not even looking towards the two girls as he left his son a bleeding mess on the floor. He nearly collapsed when the door slammed shut and he realized he was finally safe.

“Billy, we didn’t tell!” Max tried to explain quickly as she knelt in front of him. He could see Kim scooting closer from the corner of his eye, holding a wad of paper towels in her hands. She looked alarmed, like she couldn’t believe what had just happened. It made him more angry. He thought that they had been dumb to believe that Neil was someone nice. He was angry, not understanding why they didn't get the same treatment he did.

“It’s going to be okay. Let me look.” Kim’s voice was soft, and kind and he hated her for it. He hated both of them as he realized nothing would change. He would continue to be his dad’s punching bag and the rest of them would pretend like nothing was wrong. He was still breathing hard when he noticed her raising her pale hand to reach out and touch him. He gripped her wrist harshly, sending all of his emotions to his eyes as he glared at her stunned expression.

“Stay away.” He shoved her hand back towards her chest, noticing how the tears brimmed in the corners of her pretty eyes. He was shoving himself off of the blood-soaked floor with a groan, pushing past the younger redhead as he willed himself not to limp. Everything hurt so badly. It hurt him to walk, to sit, to breathe. He wanted to die, he figured that would be his only sense of comfort. 

Kim, he would find out, had a habit of not listening to him. When he heard the fidgeting of his lock outside of his door later that night, he braced himself as he stared out his window. He figured it was his father again, coming to finish what he started. He was surprised to hear the soft footsteps and concerned expression on Kim’s face. He stared at her, looking at the pink box and paper towels she was clutching tightly in her hands.

“Are you dumb or something? Get the fuck out.” He spat at her, still feeling his anger building inside of him. He could tell she was taken aback from his reaction, hurt even as he noticed the tears in her eyes again. He didn’t care. She was going to get him into more trouble by coming in when she wasn’t supposed to.

“You need to clean up,” She told him simply, taking cautious steps towards him like she was afraid he’d last out with his fists. It made him feel bad as he thought about his mother. He’d never hit a woman the way his dad did. She stepped in front of him slowly, sitting down a fair distance away, “I can help you.” 

“I don’t need help from some dumb fucking girl,” He glared at her, thinking about his father’s words. He hadn’t cared about the blood that smeared his face or the way that his body hurt. His father was right. He deserved it. He should’ve known better than to speed and he should’ve told him that he did it when it happened. This was his fault, as usual, “Just go.” He turned away again, looking out the night sky.

She glanced over both of her shoulders before looking at him again, “Is the dumb girl in the room with us?” She asked seriously. He stared at her. He’d never heard her smart back before. She looked back to her lap, beginning to open the pink box as she ignored his eyes. She still couldn’t hold his contact for very long.

“What’s that?” He motioned towards it, watching as she began to pull out Band-Aids and other supplies. He looked at them, noticing the neon colors and heart shapes that decorated them. She turned towards him sheepishly.

“My first aid kit. I mainly used it for Max when she’d fall off of her skateboard. That’s why they’re girlish, but it’ll work.” He watched her, knowing that he wasn’t going to let her put any of that on him.

“No thanks.” He said simply. He tried to scoot back to move away from her, but his whole body erupted in agony. His head was still throbbing from where Neil had smacked his head against the cabinet. 

“At least let me wipe the blood up then,” She spoke softly as if she was afraid that she could be mean to him, “Then I’ll go. I need to at least make sure you’re not sitting here, well like this. Please?” She sounded sincere, the moonlight catching off of her hazel eyes. He stared at them for a moment, making out the different colors and sadness that swirled within them. 

“Okay.” He wasn’t sure why he said it. Something thumped in his chest as he watched her move closer towards him, looking a bit unsure as she began to touch the wet towel against his blood-stained features. He winced, pulling away a bit but not from the pain in his nose. He hadn’t had someone touch him in this manner in a long time. He wasn’t sure how to react. It was like she knew as she withdrew her hand and approached him again after a few minutes. 

She touched his skin gently, dabbing the blood off of him so softly that he could barely feel her at all. He glanced at her, making sure there was no fear etched on her face. There wasn’t. She was concentrating, her eyebrows pulled tight as she focused on the task at hand. She was acting as if she touched him hard enough, she would hurt him. It almost made him laugh.

He watched as she worked under the moonlight, seeming to glow as the light casted against her pale skin. She was quiet and he appreciated that. He wasn’t sure what he would even say if he had words to tell her. He didn’t want to thank her, didn’t want to feel like he owed her something. 

“Do you want me to look at your back?” She asked hesitantly. He looked at the blood-soaked paper towels next to him and shook his head. He’d deal with that on his own some other time. She looked at him uncertain as he shook his head no, “What can I do then? Do you want medicine? Something to eat?” She was staring at him then and he noticed the swarm of pity filling in her eyes. He hated that look.

“You can leave.” He told her his answer, really meaning it this time. She had been in here for too long. If Neil was to come in and see her, Billy would be the one to get punished again. He didn’t need that to happen. She looked hurt but nodded, quickly putting her things away. 

She lingered at the doorway for a moment, glancing back towards him, “Billy, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how mean your dad was.” She admitted, looking sorrowful. He found a new rage filling inside of him. She thought that just because she had seen a small incident that she had them all figured out. He could feel the hurtful words forming on his tongue so instead of answering her, he turned away. He ignored the throbbing pain in his body, willing himself to stay together as she quietly shut and locked him back into his cage.

Their dynamic changed after that. She was more cautious around Neil, understanding then of who he truly was. Of course, Neil only took that out on him. Yet, she was there hours later always ready to clean him up. He wanted to tell her no but felt himself drawn towards her kind nature. He didn’t understand how someone like her could pretend to feel bad for someone like him. No matter what he said or did, even if he made her cry, she was comforting him in the only way he allowed her to. 

The first few visits were quiet, neither of them daring to speak. After that, she grew more comfortable. She would ramble on and on about the most random things. Whether it was a new book she was reading, gossip she heard at school, or the newest Harrison Ford movie she had watched. He had learned that she really, really liked Harrison Ford and candy. He was sure she was just trying to make him feel better, but he lingered to each word, remembering the smallest details about her that he was sure she wouldn’t even remember in a week. The more he knew about her, the more interested he grew. He felt like she had started his heart again. Things didn't seem so dark when she was around and he found himself constantly wanting to reach out and touch her.

She had been reading something and he had just so happened to glance at the page when he felt his eyes widening, a smirk forming on his lips as he glanced at her, "What are you reading?" They were waiting for Max to get out of school. It always seemed to take twice as long. Kim snapped her book shut with haste, a blush slowly forming over her cheeks as she tried to act nonchalant. He knew what he had seen and he felt a familiar spark growing inside of him. Maybe they weren't so different.

"A romance book." She played it off, shoving it back in her backpack. He waited for her to look up again, watching how she tucked her hair behind her ears repeatedly. He had grown to learn that she did that when she was nervous. He grinned, not thinking that she could be so naughty. He wanted to know what else she read, if she ever looked at any pictures. More importantly, he wanted to know if she touched herself at night and who she thought of.

"Does your mom know you read those books?" He challenged, slightly teasingly as the redness in her skin dipped down her neck. She scoffed, shifting in the passenger seat as she shook her head and denied him completely. He didn't press the issue too much, but he knew what he had read. It drove him crazy, thinking about how she wasn't actually a total prude when it came to sex. He was beginning to believe she was going to be shipped off to be a nun. She took to hiding the books she was reading around him from then on, but he was well aware of the secret library she was hiding.

He was right about Susan. She had ignored any of the abuse and shut down her daughters any time they brought up how terrible he was being. He at least felt a bit better that Max and Kim weren’t pretending like this was normal. It made him feel less crazy. Still, the four of them seemed to fit into a small bubble that he didn’t belong to. Neil treated them completely differently than how he treated his own son, his own flesh and blood. He praised them, was hardly ever mean to them unless they spoke out of line. But he never hit them. Not once. It made Billy spiral, realizing he could fade away and no one would really notice.

“Billy,” Susan approached him in his room one afternoon, clutching a large envelope towards his chest. He looked at her unsure, still not trusting her. For a while he had hoped that she would intervene but she never did. She was like all of the other women his father dated, “Can we talk about something?” He felt his stomach sinking but he nodded, offering her a spot on his bed. She sat down, pulling the pictures of their wedding down from her chest. He looked at them confused before glancing back towards her.

“They just now got the photos developed?” He questioned. It had seemed like a lifetime ago. Susan nodded stiffly, opening the package as she pulled one out and handed it to him. He stared. It was the one where he had been looking at Kim. She was beaming, looking as elegant as ever and it was clear he was staring at her with intensity. He didn't like the look in his eyes. He looked too happy, too engrossed with the girl standing next to him. He glanced towards Susan, unsure of what to say.

“I know you’ve been through a lot, but Kim isn’t like the girls you go out with,” Susan started, seeming a bit awkward, like she couldn’t look him in the eye, “She’s a good girl. She doesn’t need that, well she doesn’t need you. I hope that doesn’t sound cruel but she’s going to make something of her life and get far away from this. Please, stay away from her. I don’t want to bring this up to Neil but I will.” His jaw went slack at her threat. He found a rage bubbling in his chest at the accusation. Sure, he had thoughts, but he'd never actually do anything. Kim was his favorite daydream, the only way he found the ability to get through most of his days.

“This, this isn’t like that.” He held the photo up defensively, but she held her own hand up to cut him off. He was hurt. Was he not allowed a life away from this? If he didn’t hate himself before, he certainly did now after listening to her words. He could handle beatings, but words went straight to the little boy inside of him. 

“Burn it, get rid of the picture. It never happened. Just promise me, you won’t try anything with her.” Susan looked desperate. Billy felt a sickening feeling inside of him. He may have had the occasional fantasy, but he would’ve never actually done anything with her. He nodded stiffly, trying to keep from ripping the dumb picture up.

“I promise.” He nodded along, pretending like he didn’t feel awful about himself at the moment. 

He remembered the first time Kim had gotten in trouble. How he had winced, his whole-body clenching in anticipation as he waited for Neil to swing at her. He was surprised that it never happened. Billy had watched Neil beat his mother until she was a limp, bleeding mess on the floor but he seemed true to his words. He never hit the girls, but they found out quickly enough that they'd have to hide things from him. It had been over a diary she had written, and Billy was sure it was about how mean Neil was with the way he threw his tantrum. He had felt bad after, seeing the way she cried into her pillows. He had lingered near the doorway, trying to think of something to say to her but unable to do so. He wanted to comfort her, but he didn't know how to do it. 

"Did it hurt?" He asked her curiously, looking at her new earrings. She had just gotten them done and had bounced into his room excitedly to show off her shiny jewels on her ears. He wanted to be irritated but he wasn't able to find it in himself. He sat up on the edge of the bed as she bent over. She had her hair pulled back in a headband with roses on it. She was wearing a green dress with puffy sleeves. He could smell cherries on her and wondered if she always smelt so sweet because of all the candies she'd eat.

"A little bit, just barely though," She hesitated for a moment, "I could do yours if you want. I mean it won't be as good. I heard you talking to your friends about it the other day." She admitted bashfully that she had eavesdropped on his conversation. He shrugged, not really caring that she did so. She did make him curious, however.

"How would you do it?" He asked, feeling a small spark of excitement growing within him. It was the similar feeling he got when he started to grow his hair out and listen to the music his dad didn't like. He liked feeling that he had control over his own self even if Neil would beat him for it later. He was sure Kim didn't know that, otherwise she wouldn't have done it.

"I just need a sewing needle and a potato," She rambled, bouncing on the heels of her feet as she turned from him and rushed out of the room. Billy sat; a bit startled at how excited she had been. It made his heart feel like it actually had a purpose, "It might hurt a little bit. I don't think it'll bleed though. Which ear?" She admitted. He felt his eyes widen as she crawled on top of his bed, straddling a leg between his. He tried not to focus on the way her dress bunched together or how close she was to him right now. He was sure his heart hadn't ever beat as fast as what it was right now. He motioned randomly, not really caring as he tried not to focus on how her dress dipped down and exposed her soft cleavage. He fought his internal thoughts, knowing how hard it would to be hide a boner if it popped up.

She was gentle with her touches, taking her time as she picked out the best spot to put the hole. The needle touched against his ear, and she apologized, but he didn't feel any pain as she poked it through. He thought it was weird to have a potato behind his ear but grasped the concept well enough. She flicked her hazel eyes towards him but looked away quickly after realizing he was already watching her. He liked the way she would part her lips in concentration and how she furrowed her eyebrows together as she worked. He was sure, that he had never wanted to kiss someone so desperately the way he wanted to kiss her right now. 

"Is a hoop, okay?" She asked after removing the needle and cleaning his ear softly. She wobbled a bit, off balance as he reached up to grip her hips to steady her. He felt his whole-body stiffening, trying to ignore the feeling that was rushing through his chest and down his stomach and clear to his toes. He watched the red forming over her face, but she didn't say anything as she slid the hoop in, "It was the only other pair I got there." He felt kind of bad taking her other set, but she looked proud as she glanced at his ear. He let go of her softly, wondering why he could still feel the curve of her body against him even though she had moved away.

As much as the two younger girls tried to include him in family outings and gatherings, it never worked. It was like Neil had found his perfect family and Billy was no longer included in that image. He'd been left out more than once and even if he was included, their parents acted like he didn't exist. Holidays and birthdays had never happened when it was just him and his dad. He thought the last time he had celebrated was when his mom was still around. He couldn't explain how badly it hurt watching Neil make a big deal out of the other two. He bought them cake, threw them a small party that was full of gifts. When they'd question why they didn't celebrate Billy's birthday he'd bitterly tell them that he didn't like parties. He was sure neither of them knew when his birthday was.

He had memorized her birthday. September 14th. She was six months younger than him, and she liked strawberry cake more than vanilla or chocolate. He had never eaten strawberry cake with mint ice cream before, but it was two of her favorites. He had gotten her a diary, pink with lace details around the edges. She hadn't written in a while, but her eyes had still brimmed with tears when he gave it to her. He grumbled in response, not sure how to handle someone looking at him like that. 

As much as they all seemed to get along, he was spiraling out of control, and he knew that. He was losing himself as the winter months approached. It was too cold to go to the beach and Winter break always tended to be bad for him. At least in the summer he could find odd jobs and busy himself. There was nothing in the winter to busy himself. It was always the worst time for him. He drank more, smoked more and did as many drugs as he could get his hands onto. He didn’t care what it was, but pills were easier to hide and take. He was well aware that he was angrier and more snapped more often than usual. It just meant that Neil would hit him in return, and it was wrapped into a cruel cycle. They only time he ever felt relief was when Kim would help clean him up. He liked her gentle fingers and soft voice.

He had been partially out of it when Max approached him, sobbing and saying she wanted to leave. She wanted him to take her to her dads. He had felt bad when he told her no, but he couldn’t imagine the beating he would receive from Neil if he snuck her away. He hadn’t actually expected her to leave on her own, but she did. He had no idea that she had actually left.

Kim was ever so lucky to be in San Francisco at the time. It had cost Neil a ton of money, but it was for a school trip, and she was Kim, so he had easily agreed to it. Billy was supposed to spend the night watching Max, but he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to know that she would sneak out of her window. She was caught by them, and Billy was beaten so badly that he went unconscious. He woke up the next day in the later afternoon and decided that he had finally had enough.

It had taken everything in him to drag himself out of the window, barely able to move but he did so anyway. He walked for hours and hours and thought if this is how his mom felt when she left him. He wished she had at least given him the fighting chance. He would’ve preferred couch hopping with her than to be with Neil. She used to call every day and he’d call even more if he had the chance to get on the phone without Neil knowing. He used to pray that one day she would appear again and whisk him away to safety, just like she promised. 

He knew now that it was a lie. She had gotten her escape and she had taken it. He was angry at her for it but deep down he knew that he couldn’t blame her. At least one of them got out. 

He sat up there, legs dangling over the overpass as he looked down at the flashing lights and honking cars underneath him. He thought it was funny that they were all concerned with some silly thing while he was waiting. For what, he wasn’t sure. He had bought cigarettes and beer from a gas station not too far away and flirted with the cute worker behind the desk. He considered sneaking off with her for one last fuck but realized she’d probably be too freaked out over his bruised and beaten body to actually do anything. He had continued walking, not sure of where to go when he finally collapsed up here. His body was too exhausted to move anymore. So, he smoked, and he drank, and he wondered if anyone would miss him.

He had leaned forward, making peace with his ending before he was yanked back just as fast. Some luck he had, “Boy, what are you doing?” He was yanked up by an officer, looking to be around his father’s age. The older man paused as he stared at him, taking in the young boy's condition, “Are you okay?” Billy was exhausted. He couldn’t remember a time when someone had asked him that. Maybe it was the alcohol or the pure agony he felt at the moment, but he burst into tears. Sobbed like he had when he was younger, and his mom told him he was leaving. 

The officer waited until he was done, patting his back gently and Billy felt more comfort in a stranger than he had ever felt in his father. He was so sick of his life, mentally drained. He didn’t think he could go back, “M’fine.” He finally babbled out, wiping his eyes. He was so angry with himself.

“Let’s get you home, do you have a home?” The officer was guiding him towards the cop car, carefully watching the way Billy limped inside his car. He was beginning to panic. He had somewhere to go, sure, but did he want to go back? He had nowhere else to go.

“Yeah,” He told him the address, the seats burned against his back as he rested. He hoped they never made it, “Thank you.” He didn’t feel thankful at all. Instead, he felt the claws of fear beginning to sink into him. Gnawing at his skin as the cop drove him back towards his dreaded house.

“Someone do that to you?” The cop asked after a few minutes. Billy turned his head towards the window, doing his best to act like he was fine. He shrugged.

“It’s nothing.” He didn’t know what his dad would do if he ratted him out. Not that he thought the cops would do anything anyways. He was sure once his father spun his story about how horrible he was the cops would agree that he deserved it.

“Let me help you inside.” The cop insisted once he had pulled over. Billy felt his heart coming alive, thumping in fear. He didn’t let it show, kept his face neutral as the cop watched him. He finally nodded in agreement, hoping that anyone but his dad would answer the door.

Each movement up the steps left him biting his lip hard in agony. He was sure that he looked like a mess. He was still wearing his outfit from the previous day and hadn’t even tried to clean the blood from him. He wished someone would do the same to his dad, show him what it felt like trying to walk around like this.

He wanted to open the door, tell the cop he was okay, and he could leave now. It didn’t happen. The officer knocked and waited by the blonde boy. He leaned back against the porch steps, trying to enjoy the last bit of freedom he had. He was sure, once this was all over with, that Neil would never let him out of his eyesight again. He had been dumb.

“Mr. Hargrove?” The officer spoke up and Billy’s eyes snapped towards him, not remembering that he gave him his name, “Billy here was in a bit of trouble, nothing he caused, but he needed a ride back. I was wondering if you could answer some questions for me?” The officer towered over his father. Neil’s harsh blue eyes snapped to him, looking angry. Billy realized that Neil hadn’t even known he was missing.

“Of course,” Neil gulped hard, forcing a smile at the officer, “Thank you for bringing my son home. We’ve been searching for him all afternoon.” Billy hesitated at the door, feeling invisible again until the officer turned to face him.

“Head on in, boy. Go shower and get some rest. This is only between your father and I.” Billy did his best to walk straight, ignoring the stabbing pain that was traveling down his back and through his legs. He kept his eyes straight, ignoring the hateful look his father was sending him. Billy wished he had been brave enough to jump. He was sure it would’ve been less painful. 

He ignored Susan’s horrified look, heading straight to the bathroom and locking himself inside. He turned the water on cold, needing to shock himself out of the haze he was in as he stripped down and tried to scrub himself clean. He couldn’t ignore the pain from his injuries and inside of him as he broke down in the shower. He hated crying. He hated how weak it made him feel. He hated how he could only ever be angry.

Billy had thought that Neil would kill him when he returned. He thought that he would finally get rid of the son that he hated. He didn’t. Billy was surprised when he entered his room, not full of anger or malice. 

“I haven’t been a good father to you,” He admitted, sitting next to Billy at the edge of his bed. Despite it being warm outside and, in the house, Billy wore the longest shirt he could find and pants that dragged on the floor when he walked. He could feel his injuries well enough, he didn’t need to see them too, “Things are going to change now, I promise. Everything will get better after this.”

It was almost worse. Neil and Susan had raided his room, taking away any drugs or alcohol they could find. It took everything in him to convince them to let him keep smoking, he even promised to only do it outside. They controlled his money for a long time and soon after that, they agreed that California was too dangerous for their children. He heard them talking, and between him and Max they were too out of control. Kim was never mentioned once. Always staying in her stupid, perfect little bubble. She had looked towards him with questioning eyes, but he did whatever he could to keep her away from him.

His dad was different for a while. He didn’t hit him as much or nearly as hard. Billy could still see the deep anger that was threatening to spill over the older man, however. He knew it wasn’t over, whatever he had been planning. Max and his relationship had changed too. They had never really gotten along anyways but now he completely resented her. He had completely destroyed the old skateboard he had gifted her in a fit of rage, leaving her to find the discarded pieces. It was easier to have someone else to share the blame with.

Kim, as always, was oblivious. It took her a while to understand that something had changed but she seemed too afraid to ask what had happened. Of course, she didn’t do anything out of her usual to get in trouble. She was perfect, even without meaning to be. Billy sometimes wondered if Max was jealous of her in the same way Billy was. She had come to him on one of the nights of her return and gave him some ointment to care for his bruises. He never used it. It was like he needed a reminder so he wouldn’t do it again. He feared that even in death, his father would have some control over him. 

“We’re going on a-,” Neil exhaled softly, “A long vacation for a while. Somewhere far away so we can all bond better. I realize this has been hard on all of you. We should’ve given you more time to adjust.” He slid a small brochure of a quiet town towards them. Billy grasped it hesitantly. 

Kim peered over his shoulder, still unable to understand how close she could be. He had to bite down on his lip hard to ignore the feeling of her soft breasts pressing up against his shoulder. It was even harder not to glance at where her shirt had dipped down and exposed her cleavage, “Hawkins? Where is that?” She had pulled away, looking at him confused as if he would know the answer. He had shrugged, still feeling her touch against his skin.

“My father used to live a few towns over. It’s a nice little community, it would be a good break for all of us.” Neil emphasized but stared only at Billy. Billy had a gap forming in his stomach as he slowly searched through his words. He understood that this wouldn’t be a vacation at all, this would be permanent. There were no more spots in California for him to run to, so now Neil was going to whisk them as far away as he could. Away from the beach, from the memory of his mother and his past mistakes.

Susan and Neil kept up the vacation lie until the moving truck arrived. It was like all hell had broken loose as the two girls slowly realized that they wouldn’t be living here anymore. Kim was in a puddle of tears meanwhile Max was hot and fiery, threatening to tear everything down they had built. It only made the move that much quicker.

“I was supposed to come and get you,” Kim’s voice was soft as she stepped on the warm sand. Billy neglected to look at her, staring out at the waves as he rested his feet in the sand. She sat down next to him, pulling her legs towards her chest, “I don’t want to leave either.” She admitted but he was sure she had a completely different reason than what he did.

The truth was, it didn’t matter where they went. He’d always be alone, afraid of Neil’s shadow while everyone else moved on with their lives. He should’ve been quicker the other day, not been such a coward so that he wasn’t leaving everything behind. He hated everything.

He stiffened when she leaned forward, pressing her soft cheek against his hard shoulder. It felt completely unnatural, and he was sure, without a doubt, that she was the first person to ever lean against him. It took him a long time to relax, to feel comfortable enough to even exhale as her head rested against him. Instead of thinking about what she had under her clothes, he wondered what it would be like to hold her. To touch her softly. He wouldn’t try, he’d break her without meaning to. 

“I’m ready,” He said suddenly, moving away quickly. He didn’t need to think those thoughts, it was dangerous. He was reckless and she was anything but that. She nodded, trying not to look offended as she moved away from him. She stood first and he followed slowly afterwards, “You’re riding with your mom?” He looked for her confirmation, but she sent him a nervous look.

“Actually, Neil wants me to ride with you. He's still driving the truck and mom is taking her car.” She told him cautiously as she brushed the sand away from her shorts and skin. He felt his eyes lingering on her long legs. He wondered how he’d be able to spend all of those hours cramped in a car with her. 

It hadn’t been as bad as what he thought it would be. She was mostly quiet, looking out the windows and he was fine with that. He didn’t have anything to say to her. He was sure the only reason she was stuck in the car was so that Neil would make sure that he didn’t try to escape. Not that he had any plans to do so. He had no money, no other family. He was stuck, going wherever his father dragged him along to. 

“Can I turn a song on?” She was almost cautious as his loud music turned to a commercial. He had almost forgotten what they were doing, so lost in his own bitter thoughts. He glanced over at her, feeling his eyebrows furrowed together before he nodded.

“Sure,” He grumbled softly, “Just don’t lose the station.” He told her. She nodded softly, flicking through the stations. He felt his jaw go slack at the music, if you could even call it that, fill his ears, “What is this?” He turned, looking at her almost stunned. She looked at him bashfully.

“Reba,” She answered him slowly, looking defensive as he broke out into laughter, “What? Reba is cool!” She cried out. He wasn’t sure about the singer, but he knew that he didn’t like country music. Still, he felt more relieved after a long time. Almost as if everything would be okay. He couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed. He felt a little happier, like maybe things really would change. Her hazel eyes warmed his insides, helping him seal that belief. 

“Whatever you say.” He was grinning so hard that it hurt. He didn’t know why this made him laugh so hard but it did. She was still stumbling over her words, trying to defend her music tastes. Her cheeks had turned red again and he had a strong urge to reach over and squish them together. She always looked so soft and sweet. Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad.

Hawkins was shitty. San Diego seemed like a dream compared to how this town was. He had an easy time making friends, he fit in well enough. The only thing that he really liked was the power that other people had given him. It stroked his ego, the only one that seemed to have no interest in him was Steve Harrington. He didn’t know why that bothered him so much. Maybe it was the way he feared he could see right through him.

Kim was a completely different story. She didn’t mesh in like she had in San Diego. Max had even adjusted easier than her. 

Billy was surprised. Kim had her own little group of friends in San Diego and now she had none. He had heard her trying to talk, noticing how painfully awkward she had sounded. He thought she had it all put together, he was wrong. She seemed to be just as lonely as what he was. He was just better at pretending to fit in, he realized. 

By the third day he couldn’t take her moping anymore. She had been quiet, more quiet than usual on the rides to and from school. She had nothing to add when their parents asked about how school had been. She had lost the pep in her step, failing to find anyone to speak to. He felt guilty suddenly, realizing that she hadn’t done anything to be forced to move. He wondered if she secretly hated him for it.

“Come on,” He looked at the pitiful redhead sitting alone, her lunch tray untouched. She looked up at him, her sad eyes swirling with curiosity, “Let’s go.” He held his lunch tray with one hand, motioning towards the table of jocks waiting for him. She looked at him in disbelief, her large eyes widening.

“I don’t know them.” She mumbled, her cheeks already flushing red. She stood anyway, holding onto her lunch tray as Billy waited. He shrugged. He didn’t care if she knew them or not, he just wasn’t going to let her sit alone like some loser. She was so much better than that.

“You know me,” It was partially true. He knew her. He was sure that she had absolutely no idea who he was. He was fine with that, preferred it that way. She followed him behind like a little puppy with its ears perked high and tail wagging. He headed towards the familiar spot near Tommy, letting her sit down in his normal spot before he joined her. He began to pick at his hamburger before he noticed the questioning eyes from the group of guys. He sighed, “Kim.” He motioned towards her before he began to eat. That’s as far as he would go into explaining himself. 

It stayed like that for the next three weeks. She followed him like she was his shadow and normally he would get mad, but he couldn’t find himself to be angry when she looked up at him with those big hazel eyes. Girls had begun to flock to her but when he’d ask if any had made plans to hang out, she would respond with sadness that they had only been interested in him. It made him feel guilty all over again. 

Her friend, Addi, arrived not much later. As much as he hated to admit it, he soon grew to miss her constant lingering and badgering. He liked feeling needed, like he was important to someone. He still saved her spot next to him at the lunch table, just in case. 

“There’s a basketball game coming up,” He approached his dad cautiously. He had seemed to be having a good day, “On Friday night. You know, if you don’t have anything to do.” He hated how desperate he sounded. Neil pulled a beer from the fridge, sparing him a glance before he popped it open. Billy felt like throwing up, smelling his own desperation radiating off of his body. 

“I’m taking Susan out that night, but I’m sure you’ll do what you always do.” Neil never praised him, never told him if he did anything good. He hated how he was always dragging his feet along, seeking for some sort of validation from his father. His father had never been to one single game for any of the sports he played. He wasn’t sure why he thought Hawkins would be different. Maybe he really had been fooled into thinking everything was different. He attacked his wall that night, leaving a gaping hole in the drywall. He covered it with a poster, promising to fix it soon enough. 

He put all of his anger into sports when he played. He was sure that he even played dirty sometimes, but he didn’t care. He was crossing the gym, some cheerleader hooked around his arm as she raved about how good he had played. He didn’t care about what she was saying, he only wanted one thing from her. His footsteps faltered as he looked up, meeting those hazel doe eyes.

“What are you doing here?” It sounded like he was snapping at her when he didn’t mean to. He winced, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to think of how to rephrase his question. She looked a bit stunned but seemed to shake it off.

“I came to see you play,” She strained a smile, looking sincere as she spoke, “You played really well. You could be a professional.” She exaggerated as she complimented him. The girl next to him snorted and he suddenly wished he hadn’t agreed to take her out. Kim made it so hard, so frustratingly hard to do anything with her. He wished he could hate her. Yet, she had been the only one who had ever shown up to any of his games. His heart seemed to start again as he watched her curiously.

“You liked it?” He tilted his head, liking how bashful she looked as she played with her fingers. He watched her thick eyebrows pull down over her eyes. Her smile lit up the whole night sky from outside the school. He understood suddenly, why people risked dying in wars. He'd do anything to make her smile like that again as a feeling that resembled love filled his body. 

Only Billy didn’t love her. He couldn’t love her. He wasn’t capable of feeling love, he didn’t know what it was. His mom had told him that she loved him, and she left, never to be found again. It was a scam that people held onto, so they didn’t feel quite so lonely. 

“Yeah, I mean I didn’t really understand it but you played well.” She admitted and that was more than enough for Billy. He smiled back, feeling as if it was genuine as he admired her soft features. His eyes lingered against her tight jeans and the sweater she was wearing. It was so simple, yet it drove him crazy. He’d do anything to look at what she had underneath. 

“Are we going?” The girl on his arm questioned, tugging him back down to the Earth. He glanced towards her, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Sorry, I can’t,” He motioned towards Kim, “I have to take her home.” The girl let go of his arm and Kim looked at him alarmed, trying to disagree with him but he had already made up his mind. There was nothing the cheerleader could give him anyways. He wanted something else, someone else. 

“You didn’t have to,” She sounded almost remorseful as she walked next to him. There was a large distance between them as they walked out of the gym. He watched her curiously, not quite understanding her, “I don’t mind walking.” He knew well enough what Neil would do if he heard that he had left precious Kim to walk alone in the dark while he brought someone else home.

“No, it’s fine. Are you hungry?” He asked her, opening the large door for her as they stepped out into the night air. She held her arms around her chest, hugging herself as the chill air engulfed them. He thought of how cold she was all the time.

“Sure,” She seemed a bit unsure as she walked with him towards his car. He didn’t blame her. He had more tendencies to snap at her than anything. It was easier to do that than to actually think about her, “Where do you want to go?”

He just didn’t know how to handle her. She asked his opinions on everything, always giving him a choice. She was there for him in a way that no one else was. It made him sick; it made him want to warn her to run far away before he ripped her apart and she found out how terrible he actually was. 

He thought of her that night as he laid in bed, tossing and turning. It was so wrong, so terribly wrong but he didn’t feel relief until he pulled his boxers down and pumped his hard cock to the thought of the cute redhead sleeping in the room next to his. He thought of how he could’ve put his cock down her throat in the showers, how pretty her lips would look stretched around his thick length. He’d make her watch him, make her swallow his cum and leave none behind. He was breathless as he imagined her bright doe eyes watching him pushing his hard cock into her wet cunt. He came hard, like it had been the first time he’d touched himself. He didn’t embarrass easily but the thought of wanting his stepsister this badly left him a flustered mess. He didn’t understand why he wanted her so badly and he was beginning to hate himself for it. 

He had an easier time talking to Kim at first. He was still bitter with Max, and they ended up fighting more times than not. He liked irritating her but not in the same way that he liked to tease Kim. He still blamed Max for what happened. If she hadn't been dumb and left none of this would've happened to him. He'd pick on her and her friends, purposely doing things to see how far he could push her. She was just as fiery, getting on his nerves. Kim tried to be the median but usually failed, the other two were too stubborn for her to handle.

Halloween approached and he felt himself spiraling again. He was tasked with driving Max around to go trick or treating, even though Kim had wanted to join her. He wanted to be anywhere but with the little brat. Kim was on lockdown, forced to pass out candy because Neil had told her she was too old to actually get candy. Billy had already had enough of Max's rotten attitude and ditched her at the first opportunity. It was a small town; she couldn't go far. He had heard the kids talking about a party at school and that's where he found himself. He didn't remember much about that night, other than Neil beating him with his belt. The pain was just as terrible drunk as what it was sober. 

He was gone again, lingering in his own dark thoughts as the days grew shorter. He hated the cold and refused to wear one of those dumb, heavy coats. Kim would come out, looking like a marshmallow with all of the layers she was wearing. He wasn't sure how she had managed to be the only constant in his life or why she constantly defended him. He had heard her trying to explain his actions towards her sister more than once. He was lost and had no idea what he could offer towards her. 

She was spending the night with Addi when Max disappeared on him for the second time. There was a different amount of rage that filled in him, knowing that the young redhead had done this again after the last time he was beat so bad. When he had found her at the odd house, surrounded by three boys and Steve who had blatantly lied about where she was, he thought the worst. He had his own experience with woman at the age Max was now, he didn't need Steve to try and bullshit his way out of it. He took all of his anger out on Steve, knowing how much easier it was to hit someone else. Max had surprised him that night, smacking him in the head with a frying pan. It was enough to knock him down and keep him in a daze for a while until he was actually able to drive them home. They never spoke about it again, but he was furious. He wouldn't ever let her treat him that way again, he was sure of it. He still got beat by Neil that night, but the pain almost felt good at that point. Max had hurt his ego and their relationship changed again because of it. 

He remembered the next day at school, how Steve's eyes had lingered on his injuries. He was well aware of what the other boy was thinking. Steve knew he didn't get that many good hits in, but he never brought it up. It wasn't until Hopper caught him within the next few days, questioning his home life and father. Billy was nervous. No one had actually ever asked about his injuries before. He did his best to brush it away, play it off. He could tell the cop didn't believe him and was constantly on his tail about something from that incident. Billy began a routine of fighting some poor soul every time Neil would hit him in the face. Most of the time he was already bruised but people neglected to remember that after the fight was already over. 

"What's this?" He grumbled, looking at the cardboard box Kim pushed in front of him. She was grinning as she sat across from him on the couch. Max lingered behind her sister, her arms crossed as she watched him. He pressed his fingers to the box, unsure of what he was supposed to do with it.

"It's your graduation present!" Kim beamed, looking happier than what Billy was. He raised an eyebrow at her, not quite believing that they had actually gone out of the way to get him something. Neil hadn't even mentioned it. She scooted forward towards him, "Open it." She pushed at his thigh softly but then quickly pulling her hand away as she seemed to remember the way he didn't want touched by her. He glanced back at the box, popping it open slowly.

It wasn't much. There was a can of coke, a bag of Cheetos and a Milky way. His hands lingered against the objects, pushing them aside as he noticed the pack of cigarettes, the new lighter, and a random baseball card. He glanced towards her nervous face, watching the way her eyebrows drew tightly together. He gulped hard, feeling an ache in his chest. It wasn't much, but he loved every bit of it. It was nice, feeling like someone cared for him enough to actually gift him something. He didn't know how to handle it.

"Thank you, I love it." He mumbled, too afraid to look at her for too long. He could feel his heart strumming roughly in his chest again. He didn't know why she put such an effort into things when his father didn't even care enough to do so. She was a complete mystery to him.

Summer came and Billy was almost adjusting to the idea of being ripped away from his previous life. He had made some friends, if he could even call them that. He had gotten a job as a lifeguard at the pool. It wasn’t the most thrilling thing, but he liked what he did. It reminded him of being back home near the beach. He still wondered if his mom was looking for him out there. He tried not to linger on those thoughts too much. 

Much to his dismay, Kim decided to linger at the pool. It was like she was purposely trying to distract him, make his job ten times harder. She never even wore anything distracting. It was always some kind of ruffled swimming suit that seemed to cover her best assets. Billy was happy, but slightly disappointed at the same time. He neared where she was sitting with her friend feeling an unthinkable rage fill him when he had overheard Steve’s name in the same context as getting into her pants. 

He had no idea how he had managed to overlook that Kim had a crush on Steve. Of course, of all people she would pick him. It made him feel bitter and angry. He wanted her to talk about him in that way and he wasn’t sure why. He didn’t do relationships, he knew that. He’d never be able to be in a healthy relationship and he was sure that no one would want him like that anyways. 

Their interaction had left him hot and bothered. He thought it would be quick, that he’d be able to jack off a quick one and brush his bad idea off later. He was just beginning to get into it, thinking about his favorite fantasy of him bending her over the front of his car when she barged into the room in typical Kim fashion. He was mortified, completely humiliated that she had caught him.  He had spent the rest of the day panicking, praying and hoping that she couldn't overhear any of his thoughts. 

He couldn’t tell who had it worse, him or her. She had completely given him the cold shoulder, ignoring him the next few days as he tried to think of a way to explain himself. Everything felt too awkward and he decided at this point, it was better to ignore he. He spent all day working and would wait hours until everyone had left to shower before he went home. Seeing Kim only made his dick throb and his thoughts were making him angry. He waited for Neil or Susan to approach him and complain about his horrible behavior. They never did.

It was worse seeing her at Tina’s party. He felt his interest growing as he watched her. He hadn’t ever believed that she had a bad bone in her body, that she would actually risk sneaking out and drinking. He tried his best not to think about her. She was unattainable, she had Billy drooling from his lips. He wanted her so bad. Just one bite and he would be satisfied. He was almost sure of that.

He was fucked, utterly and completely fucked when he heard his name coming from her bedroom. So quietly, so dirty that he almost missed it. His body warmed in a way he couldn’t explain as he imagined what she was doing at the moment. He wondered if she knew how to use her fingers yet or if she was grinding up against one of the many stuffed animals she had on her bed. He wished nothing more than to see her, to be able to touch her. The conversation he had that night told him a lot of things.

She wanted him just as badly. 

Everything that Susan had said left him, all of his guilt about his fantasies slid away. He was already damned. He didn’t think he could do anything worse. He accepted it. He was fucked up; he had known that for a long time. He finally felt like accepting it, as long as he was around her. She didn't make him feel like he was on his own, like he was completely alone. She was always sweet with him and cared for him in a way that nobody else seemed to do so. He hated how badly he wanted more of it. He wanted her, completely.

He didn’t care that it was just sex, he was perfectly happy with that. He didn’t need her around forever. She was just some girl. Once he was away from Neil, he’d be gone forever, and he wouldn’t ever think about her again. He hadn't even fully planned on taking her to a motel to take her virginity. He would've been happy to spread her out in his backseat. Something about seeing her dancing with Tommy left an unknown feeling in him. A feeling he had been trying desperately hard to deny. He didn't want anyone else to touch her, to be around her. He changed his plans, even though the motel was scummy she seemed happy. He thought that she deserved better and reminded himself it would just be a taste. They'd leave right away.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't pull himself away from her big doe eyes that seemed to never really look happy. He couldn't imagine pulling away from her and leaving her all alone. He didn't want to be the reason she was sad. He was sure that was worse than spending the night with her. He kept his hands to himself, not wanting to touch her in case he broke her. He had never spent the night with someone before. It was different than all of the other times he'd been with someone. His heart ached in a way that he couldn't explain. He lingered away from her touches, fearing that he would grow addicted to them. 

Each interaction they had left him wanting more. She was like a drug. It was fun at first, seeing how easily she gave into him once his cock was inside of her. She made him feel so good, made him want to rub it in Neil’s face that he had corrupted his golden child. He thought that he could still make his life go back to normal. There was just one thing holding him back.

Kim.

He knew he was mean to her. He didn't want to be but didn't know how else to tell her that she deserved better than him. He didn't want her to get attached to him because he knew he would break her without meaning to. He wasn't able to take care of someone else in that manner. He didn't know how to do it. He had never learned, never been taught what real love was. 

He had hated the idea of her so badly at one point and now he wanted nothing more than to make sure she was okay. He was mad, mad that she had gotten hurt when Neil blew up. He wished he had done more, that he had finally been strong enough to fight back. He was a coward. He thought of how sweet she had been to him in the past. She never seemed to truly judge him, instead it was like she was trying to understand his actions. He thought it was cute, but he knew that she would never truly understand him. He had locked himself away a long time ago and barely knew himself anymore. He wondered what their lives could’ve been if Susan never married Neil and Billy’s mom took him with her. 

He watched Susan’s car back out of the driveway. It was hardly ever used; they had only bought it once they moved to Hawkins. Billy was sure that Neil had promised her it was a gift for their new beginnings. Everything seemed to be falling back to normal. Well, just about everything. Kim and he were far from normal. Swaying between some odd line that they had managed to destroy. She had sobbed for him, and he was utterly terrified that she may be thinking this was more than sex. 

He blamed himself for how he had indulged in her gentle touches. He liked kissing her, he liked holding her in his arms. It was painful trying to pull himself away. Guilt ate at him every time he did so and she watched him with those sad eyes. He didn’t know how he could do so many bad things to her, and she kept coming back, acting as if he actually deserved someone like her. 

He worked quickly before Neil came out again. He grabbed up the dirty books she so innocently tried to deny. He pulled out the new clothes she had bought, his fingers lingering against the lacey material of the lingerie. He left them in a pile on his bed, covering them with his blanket before he went into Max’s room. He really didn’t want to snoop in her room, not really believing that she had much to hide. He gently took down the pictures of her and her friends, not wanting Neil to try and call her any names for the number of male friends she had. Everything else seemed to be fine as he hid those too. 

He waited in the living room, trying to rest against the couch as he bounced his foot to try and calm his nerves. She had said she would try to call but he didn’t know when that would be. He hoped it was before Neil came out of his room and began to search for anything to get mad about. Billy wasn’t the one he was mad at this time, he was safe.

He waited, resting his head against the armchair and crossing his hands over his stomach. He was worried that they wouldn’t come back, then again, he hoped that they didn’t. It would be good that at least some of them got out of this hellhole. He was glad it was at least Kim.

His eyes felt heavy as he rested against the couch. He urged the phone to ring, so he could hear her voice to make sure that she was okay. He kept sitting up, glancing over to make sure it wasn’t off of the hook. His stomach began to twist as the hours began to tick by and he realized that she wouldn’t be calling. He shouldn’t be surprised. He was used to being forgotten, used to being a second thought. 

Still, the way she had cried over him made him think that maybe there was something different. That she wouldn’t be the one to leave him behind. He had been wrong about many things before and couldn’t see how this was any different. He was surprised when he didn’t feel anger, just the growing feeling of loneliness as he wondered what she was doing right now. He was sure she was just comforting her mother and sister. That was why she wasn’t able to call him.

Billy made his way to the kitchen, grabbing the rest of his beers before he locked himself away in his room. He was thinking too hard, too much. He needed to forget and there was only one way he knew how to do that. He popped open a can of beer, thinking about how the last time he had been so drunk that he didn't even know his former slimy teammates had tried to touch Kim. He had been glad when he beat Jason up. He was sure the broken arm was overkill, but it felt good. He wanted to make sure that he knew to never hurt her again. His friend, Chase, had gotten it worse but Billy was sure that Kim hadn't seen him yet. He wondered if she would think that he was a monster, that he was slowly becoming his father.

He dug into his dresser, ignoring the dirty picture he had taken of her. He was still surprised she had allowed him to do it. It made his heart flutter; he had looked at it at least once every day since it had happened. He dug far underneath where he had hidden the picture from the wedding. He pulled it out slowly, looking at her beaming face and the way he was watching her in the photo. Susan was right to be suspicious at the time. He could understand now as he looked at the picture. He didn't understand why he had kept it at the time, but he was glad he did. They didn't have any other pictures together and if Susan was to leave his dad, he would have nothing left of her. He felt a sinking feeling in his gut as he quickly pushed the picture away and tried not to think about what would happen if Kim left him. 

He drank more, wondering how he had managed to entangle her into his messy life. He rested the can on his table as he laid on his bed, careful not to disturb the items he was hiding. Neil hadn't moved yet, but that didn't mean he wasn't waiting until Billy went to sleep. He sighed softly, rolling on his side as he rested his hand on his pillow as he imagined he was cupping her soft face.

[robthegoodfellow]

Billy Hargrove’s Extensive Knife Collection

Rated G - 1.5k (or read on AO3)

commissioned by @ihni​ for harringroveforturkey! based on a discussion of our Swedish Billy headcanons 💛

(tw for brief reference to Steve being mistaken for a sexual predator because of his shady-seeming presence at the Byers)

...🔪🔪🔪 ...

The thing was—Billy Hargrove just seemed like the type to have one or more knives on him at any given moment. Like, he gave off this general sense of imminent violence, this erratic rage simmering away under the skin. Even before Hargrove beat his head into the Byers’ floor, Steve had known the guy was pretty much always a breath from destruction. It wafted off of him like the woodsy cologne that Steve had smelled and distantly pondered moments before he stopped smelling anything for a while, on account of the bastard punching him in the nose a hundred times.

So yeah, when Steve saw him during their lunch period, a couple weeks after the thrashing, the dregs of autumn warmth barely clinging to the air—a couple weeks after Hargrove had snagged him in the hallway, thrown him against a locker and seethed I find you near my sister again and I’ll gut ya quicker n’ you can blink—a couple weeks after Steve realized he was maybe into volatile dudes and that said volatile dude thought Steve was into little girls, what the fuck—like he was saying, a couple weeks after all that, when he saw Hargrove emerging from behind the gym building, from the direction of the running track, folding a knife and slipping it into the pocket of his leather jacket, he felt compelled to investigate.

Given that Steve hadn’t yet figured out how to assure someone you weren’t a creepy predator without sounding like a total creepy predator, he waited until Hargrove was out of sight, then crossed the parking lot and peered around the corner, ventured as far as the bleachers, even—but saw no signs of a recent stabbing. No student or teacher or animal bleeding out on the ground.

So he shrugged and went back inside.

But then, over the next few days, he realized he’d never once seen Hargrove in the cafeteria since that blond curly mullet had first darkened Steve’s door. Not once. And because Steve apparently hadn’t had enough combustible encounters of late, he went looking.

The bell was about to go when he got to the bleachers—and no Hargrove. Steve had half a mind to skip next period; it was history and he hated history—so fucking boring, and he hadn’t done the homework—so when he circled to the back of the metal stands and saw something pale on the ground underneath, he happily let it draw his feet nearer.

It was… a horse. A small, roughly carved wooden horse, about the height and length of his palm. Not like, a detailed horse, just the vague shape of a narrow face, a curving neck, a stout torso, and four straight simple legs. No hooves, no tail. But still, undeniably a horse.

He thought it was kinda neat, so he took it home with him, put it on his bedside table next to the alarm clock.

The following week, when he scouted the bleachers again—driven from the lunchroom because Nancy and Jonathan had been making goo-goo eyes at each other and it was still a bit fresh, that particular wound—around the same place he’d spotted the last carving, he found a wooden… bear? Or maybe a fat dog, but the rounded ears and butt were reading more “bear.”

He took that one home with him, too. Had the silly passing thought that it was nice for the horse to have company. A friend.

It was the third time patrolling that he confirmed what some small incredulous part of him had been theorizing all along. Steve skipped lunch entirely, went the long way around to approach the bleachers from behind, stopped at a distance nonetheless.

Because there, leaning against the announcer’s booth, high up in the stands, hunched over his lap, one leg hanging loose between the slats of the seats, was Billy Hargrove.

Steve would know that mullet anywhere.

Smoke drifted above him, dissipating lazy. Occasionally the hanging leg swung a bit, sort of childlike, which was—a fucking trip. Steve stayed where he was, just watching awhile, then, not knowing what he’d do or say if Hargrove spied him spying, and not wanting to disturb his peace at any rate, he turned and walked back the long way again.

So he could just—think.

When he snuck over to the bleachers before driving home the next afternoon, curiosity getting the better of him, he learned what Hargrove had been whittling that time.

It was unfinished. Maybe he’d grown frustrated, because it was more ambitious than his previous figures: the beginnings of a bearded face, its features only just manifesting from the fine-grained block.

Nearby, half-hidden on the dirt ground, was another surprise. He would’ve missed it if it hadn’t gleamed, catching the sun precisely at the right moment, because its handle was the exact shade of the surrounding moldering maple leaves—this deep reddish brown.

A knife.

But not really the kind of knife he’d imagine in Hargrove’s possession—and not the folding pocketknife he’d glimpsed before. No, this was—an antique? Sharp blade about three inches long, and the handle this weird oblong shape, the letters WGF burned into the wood toward the base.

And maybe he should’ve left it there—because Hargrove would notice it was gone, was bound to come looking where he last had it—but Steve was selfish. A bit of a jerk.

So he pocketed both. Didn’t add them to his bedside collection, though.

No, they were still in his pocket the following day, a Friday, as he strode, heart hammering, to the bleachers, ears ringing like the lunch bell forgot to shut up.

Hargrove was already there, pacing under the stands, cursing under his breath, the dirt bare from frantic swipes.

Steve cleared his throat—and holy fuck that was a switchblade, that was a switchblade Hargrove had whipped out in one fluid movement as he whirled, the steel flashing free.

“Please don’t gut me for real!” It was choked, high and hysterical, hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry—I just—” Fumbling, he reached into his coat, drew out the knife.

The moment Hargrove saw it, he darted, quick as a cat, and snatched it from limp fingers.

“I—uh, found it,” Steve finished, lamely.

Hargrove didn’t look at him, busy sliding the knife into a worn leather sheath he’d produced from somewhere in his jacket. He tucked both it and the folded switchblade back out of sight, and Steve faintly wondered just how many knives Hargrove carried on his person.

“You waiting for thanks or something?” Hargrove asked, his tone very much indicating that thanks would not be forthcoming.

“What—what is it? The knife?” Steve asked, because he did, after all, have a death wish. “It’s… important?”

Maybe he should just let Hargrove stab him, Steve thought, mentally face-palming. Put him out of his misery.

Hargrove glared at him a long moment, then—to Steve’s everlasting shock—he answered. “A sloyd knife. My morfar’s—grandpa’s.”

“Oh,” Steve said, heartened, trying to work up the nerve to—just do it. Haltingly, he drew the bearded figure from his pocket. “For—um, carving stuff?”

Hargrove stared at the misshapen block of wood, unreadable, but Steve firmly reminded himself he’d faced down monsters from a hell dimension, and soldiered on.

“Is it him? Your… morfar?” Did his best to repeat the sounds, awkward.

Hargrove blinked, still didn’t respond.

Steve waved his extended arm a bit, encouraging. “You should finish it.”

Finally, fucking finally, Hargrove reached out, took it.

Sensing he was fast overstaying his welcome, Steve backstepped, nodding sharply, and turned toward the parking lot—then jerked around again.

“I’m not a perv,” he blurted. Because there wasn’t any graceful way to say it, he’d realized, flushing hot in the cool air.

Hargrove cracked a smile, a small little thing, and Steve stupidly traced it with his eyes, riveted. “I know.” He scuffed the dirt with a dusty boot. “She said you were—babysitting.”

“Yes,” Steve agreed, silently thanking Max with his entire being. “I was. Doing that.”

And to ensure he didn’t humiliate himself further, Steve spun, marched to the school entrance without looking back.

He spent the next week avoiding Hargrove, not wanting to seem like the stalker he was in case the guy had put two and two together on the lack of discarded carvings among the leaves.

After last bell, students pouring across the parking lot en route to weekend plans, Steve trudged alone to his car, which would convey him to an empty house. His key was in the door before he saw it, perched on the windshield wiper.

A rugged face above slouching shoulders, slender waves gouged in his moustache and beard that suited the curly hair peeking beneath one of those old-fashioned caps with the short brim.

He looked up, unconsciously seeking the spot Hargrove always parked, and saw him leaning against the Camaro, staring back.

Steve smiled.

…🔪🔪🔪 …

Edited to add, in case anyone’s curious:

All about Dala horses

Carved bear looked like this

All about Sloyd/Slöjd knives

[averseunhinged]

i realized this week that, in true s4 form, the bulk of this longass fic takes place over approx a three hour period, but it just keeps going on and on, because klaus will not sit down and stfu. at least he and caroline are in the same room again?

24/7 sylvia plath

snippet 1 of insihta

snippet 2 of insihta

snippet 3 of insihta

snippet 4 of insihta

very short snippet 5 of insihta

snippet of a later post-graduation installment

this falls after snippet 5. not super long, but it starts to get into the meat of why caroline went home with him after he tried to kill her. it's kind of a rumination on what it really means to be an immortal monster.

"So, you...what? You have whims! And the worst temper ever."

"Because I can't!" he hissed. He set the cup in his hand down before he could give into the urge to throw it. To cause some manner of satisfying destruction. "Once. In over a thousand years, I turned off my humanity one time, when Katerina escaped and I failed to break my curse. Do you understand that?"

By the frown on her face and the furrow in her brow, he knew she did not. "But I thought only younger vampires could turn it off."

"Yes," he agreed. "Typically. The older the vampire, the more difficult the process, buried as the original superego becomes under time. It requires an extraordinary set of circumstances. Despair beyond reckoning. A near complete loss of hope. Of self, even."

"No," she denied, shaking her head. "You wouldn't have."

There were moments when he cursed her cleverness, her unwitting insightfulness. Even when he led her there, her knowing of him was still an uncomfortable ache.

"I would have."

"You wouldn't! Not over me."

"Yes," he insisted. "I would. It was already coming. I could feel it. A creeping chill of the spirit. As you faded, the numbness spread. Like hypothermia. I've nothing left to look forward to. That's the truth. For a thousand years, I had a mission. Protect my family. Break my curse. Build my army. Kill my father. Straightforward, really, for all its complications. And now I'm done. It's all resolved itself one way or another, for good or ill. What else is there for me?"

"You can't make me your only reason to go on." Her hands flexed between them, as though she wanted to grab him and shake the foolishness out of him. "People can't be that for each other. I'm just me! I'm not...it's not supposed to work like that."

"Why shouldn't it? We're not people, Caroline. We're monsters carved from our mortality. In time, I will find new endeavors. There will be more threats, more enemies to sink my teeth into. But for now?" Klaus leaned towards her, looming despite their similar heights. Her eyes were wide, reflexive breaths coming shorter in her agitation, but he didn't stop, as merciless in this as she'd ever been with him. "You wanted to understand why you no longer fear for yourself. Instinct. It's as simple as that. The monster inside knows there is an even more terrible creature here to protect you, even from itself." He lifted his hand to her face and hovered above her temple, wanting to memorize her--the shape of her eyes, the line of her delicate nose, the cut of her stubborn chin--with his fingertips, and when when she did not flinch away, let himself have the pleasure of touching her hair and brushing his thumb along her cheekbone. "You will not end. I will not allow it."

[scarlet--wiccan]

Why do artists never make Wanda & Pietro look like twins? Or siblings? Or even related? Like for some reasons artists almost never make it look like they’re actually almost identical like I get that they’re not gonna be 100% identical bc they’re fraternal but in my experience they’re gonna be pretty fucking close

I think you might be setting your expectations a little too high. Most comic book artists don't really go to the effort to give individual characters super-distinct facial features, especially not characters who are meant to be, you know, conventionally attractive. You have to rely on really obvious features like hair color/style to tell people apart, and the Maximoffs don't exactly have the same hair color. I also grew up with a couple sets of fraternal twins and while they obviously did look like siblings, they often had different hair colors, heights, builds, etc.

Some artists do have a tendency to make Pietro look weirdly older than Wanda, or give him much pointer and more exaggerated features. I've never understood why-- I assume it's just because of the white hair. It happens a lot less often in contemporary comics than it did in the 80s and 90s. There are also plenty of comics where they do look pretty similar, but I think it has more to do with the artists just drawing the same face than anything else.

Anyways, I think they look really similar in Scarlet Witch! Pichelli did a good job of giving them similar features and hair textures in #1, and Dauterman's design sheet specifically states that they should have similar nose, lip, and eye shapes. Tametta kind of has same-face syndrome, but at least the colorists have always given them matching skin tones! I don't know, this is just not something I get hung up on.

[r3d-f0xs-blog]

OC Profile: Bernice Miller

This one is for the Starfield version of Bernice. I'll add her Fallout profile separately.

Basic Info

Name: Bernice Miller

Date of birth: 2296

Gender: Female, cisgender.

Pronouns: She/her

Place of Birth: New Atlantis, Jemison

Sexuality: Pansexual

Appearance

Height: 5’ 4/164cm

Build: Slim/athletic

Hair: Ginger

Eyes: Blue

Distinguishing features: has vitiligo and freckles on her face and body. Scar on left lip and a broken nose later fixed by surgery. Metal teeth.

Background

Father: Richard Miller (KIA during the war between the UC and Freestar Collective)

Mother: Scarlett Miller (KIA during the war between the UC and Freestar Collective)

Languages: English, Spanish

Affiliations

Crimson Fleet: former Captain. On the run from.

Neon City: former gang member

Occupation: Mercenary

Role: Pilot, sniper, smuggler, thief and cyberrunner

Weapons: Orion rifle, knives. Whatever else she can find.

Bernice was 12 when she was orphaned when her parents who served in the UC were KIA. She had no other family or siblings. She’d been learning how to pilot spacecraft from her Dad and was already proficient in cyberrunning. She took the family spaceship and ran off to Neon City without enough fuel to travel any further.

She spent her formative years living on the streets there with the ship as her home. She joined gangs to get by, learning how to steal, pick pockets and survive. She began to scrape enough money together to refuel her ship and began to smuggle goods out of the city, namely Aurora and other illicit cargo. It was still a tough life as all her money went into funding her ship and necessities.

Bernice and Mason met when she tried to pickpocket him in Neon. She was caught and on finding out he is blind, she returns his credit wallet; she later explains her reasons to him. He was already in the Crimson Fleet and later returned to bring her into the fold after she showed him how she bypassed security in Neon to smuggle goods out of the city. It involved jumping off the main city platform and using the boostpack to cross the water to the spaceport with occasional spells of controlled descent! Needless to say, Mason’s trust in Bernice went up after that experience!

She joined the same crew as Mason and often worked together as a small sub-unit or as part of a larger team. When they didn’t want the other pirates to know what they were saying they used various ways to get around it; Mason had been taught Braille as a child so Bernice uses that to pass messages to him, she also uses code phrases, touch and other methods they came up with together. While Mason can see rough shapes and colour, he can’t see details, even close up, so Bernice describes things to him when he asks. His spacesuit helmet helps somewhat but in combat they work together.

They grow close and become a couple. They care for each other deeply even although at times they sometimes get on each other’s nerves or life travelling the galaxy can mean space is at a premium.

Bernice deserts the Crimson Fleet along with Mason after becoming dissatisfied with the work and also as some protection for themselves; Mason's disability is seen by some as a liability and many resent that Bernice has become a captain with them as their own crew in the main, despite how much success the pair have brought through their shared skills.

Their opportunity to escape came when Reev joined the Fleet undercover for SysDef. He was paired with Mason before Bernice returned from working with another crew who needed her skills. Bernice agreed that Reev was their way out. Bernice escapes with Mason, Reev, and Logan, a chef who had been captured by the Fleet.

Bernice is intelligent, quick-witted, funny, street smart, and brave. She cares a great deal for the strange crew of runaways who are more family than just people she works with.

[kimuraren]

↪ not-so-brief introduction. BASICS.

full name: ren kimura. nickname(s): ren ren, joker ( his brother found out persona 5 exists and hasn't let him live it down since ), sunshine. age: twenty-nine. date of birth: 15 december 1994. zodiac sign: capricorn. place of birth: blue harbor, illinois, united states. ethnicity: japanese. nationality: american. gender: demiboy ( nonbinary, he/they pronouns ). sexual orientation: pansexual. romantic orientation: panromantic. religion: agnostic. ren's not an especially religious person and any desire he's had to explore that was pretty much wiped out after his mother passed away. education: bachelor’s in mechanical engineering ( blue harbor university ). occupation: mechanic @ kimura auto. language(s) spoken: english, japanese. he learned both as a child and makes a point to speak japanese at home with his family so he doesn't forget it. accent: ren has a midwestern accent - he doesn't think it's particularly noticeable but he rarely admits that he doesn't hear it so he can't say that for sure.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

face claim: mackenyu arata. hair color: dark brown / black. eye color: brown. height: 5'10". weight: 163 lbs. build: fit and strong; ren takes care of himself outside of his drinking and smoking habits, respectively, so he's in pretty good shape. tattoos: a ship motif that turns into a cityscape as it goes down, left forearm ( here ); a hawk and geometric design, inside of right forearm ( here ); ship design, left chest onto left shoulder ( here ); stag skull, back of right calf ( here ); a bee with a blackberry, right arm ( here ). piercings: he has a double lobe piercing in his left ear, a helix piercing in that same ear, a nose stud in his right nostril. he'd happily get more but he's not rushing to do that at any point. distinguishing characteristics: how outgoing he tends to be, the cigarette that's always tucked behind his ear, his tattoos, the fact that he's almost always smiling.

PERSONALITY.

label: the caretaker. positive traits: adaptable, charming, clever, compassionate, empathetic, flirtatious, independent, methodical, passionate, persuasive, resourceful. negative traits: anxious, impatient, impulsive, mischievous, needy, obsessive, perfectionist, reckless, sarcastic, self-deprecating, self-sabotaging, shy, stubborn. goals/desires: to make his mom proud even if she'll never see it, to watch his brother grow up, to have a family of his own one day. fears: losing anyone else he loves, being alone, snakes. hobbies: playing video games ( specifically anything from the persona series or league of legends even if he hates his own guts for that last one ), cooking, working on his motorcycle, restoring old cars, music ( he's played bass since he was eleven ), bothering clem and all of his other friends, watching movies of any kind ( he's especially fond of animated films and horror related anything ), spending time with his brother, learning anything new, reading ( when he has the attention span ), making films, flirting with any cute person who gives him the time of day, thrift shopping, hanging out with his dad, boxing. quirks: he always has a cigarette tucked behind his ear― usually one he rolled himself but he'll have dunhills in his pocket if he can't be fucked to buy tobacco, he's always fidgeting in some small way― like he has too much energy for whatever he's doing, he almost always seems like he's in a good mood― even when his depression is at its worst he tries to keep that image up, he's a fiend for coffee / energy drinks and always has at least one or the other with him no matter where he is. likes: spending time with his friends, watching anime / reading manga, pub stomping in league ( it makes him feel like a moderately bad person but it's not his fault he's great at the game ), working on anything related to cars or motorcycles, planning out new short films he wants to make in his spare time, most sweets ― he's a fiend for japanese sweets and finds a way to horde them whenever he has the money, drinking with his friends, doing anything at all with his friends, getting laid, flirting with cute people, learning new things― especially if they're things he knows his friends love, animals. dislikes: super fruity drinks, orange flavored anything, anyone who fucks with his friends, being late for literally anything, being depressed, feeling overstimulated in any situation, disappointing anyone he loves.

FAMILY.

father: kai kimura. mother: moriko kimura ( deceased ). sibling(s): kaito kimura ( younger brother ). pet(s): he doesn't have any pets right now but once he's settled at his apartment, he'd really like to adopt one. financial status: lower class.

BIOGRAPHY.

( TW: mentions of death, cancer, alcoholism, depression )

Blue Harbor was the only world Kai and Moriko had ever known together when they found out Moriko was pregnant shortly before their respective twenty-first birthdays. They’d been friends since Kai had moved to Blue Harbor from Honolulu, Hawaii at eleven— and they seemed destined to be married when they had both deemed themselves ready for such things. In the end, Moriko’s pregnancy proved to be all the impetus to settle down either of them needed. Ren Kimura was born on a particularly chilly but equally bright December morning and from the moment he entered the world he was doted on by both of his parents who thought him to be the most beautiful thing they had ever been given in the world. Kai worked incredibly hard to provide for their family as the owner and operator of a local mechanic shop while Moriko largely looked after Ren and made ends meet with a small inheritance she’d been gifted by her parents when she announced her pregnancy. It wasn’t perfect and Ren could remember with startling clarity times in which they hadn’t quite had enough to get by but his family made due regardless and all that he’d learned from his childhood was that his parents loved him fiercely and would do everything in their power to give him a good life.

He was an inherently shy boy around new people but the moment he grew comfortable he could be warm and charming, witty and bright and every bit the nuanced person he wanted to be whenever possible. In spite of his own inherent shyness he was perfectly capable of making friends and that ultimately, much to his delight, allowed him to meet the girl who would become his best friend. His shyness seemed to melt away around her in a way he couldn’t quite count on with anyone else and he was grateful every second for the courage simply being around her seemed to give him. Odd quirks aside Ren was an unfailingly good person and his childhood was a bright spot in his mind– especially when he considered it from his position as an adult. His interest in the ins and outs of machinery was one that developed early— passions for the work his father did at his shop and a general eagerness to figure out exactly how things around him worked served to make him an insatiable force when it came to learning everything he could about being a mechanic, even considering an engineering degree if he could get the grades; his natural curiosity and ambition created an irrepressible desire to succeed within him that stayed with him throughout his life.

Ren’s teenage years proved to be some of the most wonderful and most difficult in his life; his younger brother Kaito was born when he was fifteen, an event Ren celebrated to the utmost– thrilled that he would be an older brother. Two years went by during which his life felt as though it couldn’t possibly get any better - a fact that life seemed eager to correct when his mother was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer shortly after he turned seventeen. Doctors could only give them maybe’s and what-if’s and with no real answers in terms of how much time she had left Ren was devastated in his own way but Kai was distraught. He became increasingly more withdrawn and turned to alcohol to soothe all of the grief he was dealing with.

Kai under the influence of alcohol was not the same man Ren had grown to love as his father and when Kai wasn’t home Ren was left to look after Kaito - a task he took to with the utmost gusto. When Kai made it home he was usually drunk and usually butted heads with Ren who often attempted to keep him far away from Kaito if he could help it. It wasn’t until a year into his mother’s cancer treatments, after months of begging his father to be present for both himself and his brother that Kai seemed to realize that he was losing himself in his grief when his children needed him the most. He struggled with sobriety for months afterwards but he stepped up in the way Ren had hoped he would from the moment his mother had gotten sick. He was deeply proud of his father and still tried everything in his power to help him manage their lives in a way they could all be happy with— he took on more responsibility at the family auto shop, he took Kaito to visit their mother in the hospital when Moriko felt up to it, he helped his father balance their bills and, all the while, began attending classes at BHU the moment he was accepted. Moriko passed away when Ren was nineteen, and he was absolutely heartbroken by the loss— his mother had been his hero, his best friend, and it was endlessly painful to be without her.

For months after his mother’s passing Ren moved through the world in a daze, managing to focus on his classes and his family only because he had the support of his loved ones. His depression was not something that he could work through altogether and he understood that— he knew the ache of missing his mother would never leave him but he tried his hardest to push through it - to be present in the lives of the people he still had. Nine years on and Ren was working full time at the auto shop— he’d earned his degree after all but he was content in where he’d found himself in life and hopeful for the future for the first time since his mother had passed away.