#they are draining everybody's energies and i fucking hate it

[teddybeartoji]

mickey omfg so many of our friends have deactivated im so sad 😭😭

I KNOWW IT'S SO FUCKING SADDD:((((((((((((((((((((((( WAHHH I HOPE THEY'RE ALL DOING GOOD I WANNA GIVE EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM A BIG BIG HUG:((((((((((((((((( i miss them all sm i just found out that another one of them deactivated today too aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa come back to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:((((((((((((((((((((((((((

[teddytoroa]

lrt to be honest now if i meet someone and they're extremely self loathing i just dont foster that relationship and avoid them. And i left all my friends that did that over the years and now only befriend folks who are like...at least trying to be better. if you're depressed im sorry but we're all fucking depressed and traumatized and just trying to make it through and sometimes that means not adopting relationships with people who are going to make our lives worse. yes thats maybe cruel but like. if someone is just a huge downer all the time why the hell would i want to spend time with them. its different ofc if its a friend who wasnt like that who then falls into that behavior bc then somethings Up, but if i meet someone new and they just talk about hating themselves all the time and act extremely traumatized and panicked and people pleasery its like. annoying. i dont have the ability to help these people and if i get involved im just gonna end up drained and miserable. sorry your life sucks but im not dealing with that. adios.

[pictuajjx]

Sun HC!!! (Part one)

NOTES

🫧🐟📝Hi hello! Welcome aboard!! So yeah, I know I was going to make a headcanon version of LJ but I couldn’t resist making headcanons for the DCA (daycare attendance)!! So yeah, here it is. Some won’t (?) make sense due to me changing the story, but hope that’s fine :3 and yeah, these are just mainly in general hcs, but also random and interaction stuff, btw if your looking for more just ask me in my inbox! This post is also going to be separated by DCA’s!! So this is part one. ~ Debvin!

Warnings?

Spoooooilers?? Maybe? Idk. Also, it’s going to be a pretty long post.

Sun

(hugh jumpscare)

In General???

Okay, just to get this straight, all of their heights are at 7 ft tall. Why? Because I said so.

Because of his height, he’s like really lanky. I mean all of them are so.. not much of a difference.

His name is Sun, just Sun, NOT Sundrop. He doesn’t really mind it if your calling him the candy name, same goes for the others. He actually kinda finds it amusing. The candy name is to just not get him and the others get mixed up with the ACTUAL sun and moon.

Based off the game little battery system, I’m assuming same thing goes for Sun that he has to charge… again, for others as well.

Except, you know how he has to be ON and Moon cannot? And you know how he’s the ONLY ONE taking care of the loud ass kids at the daycare?

Yeah, this POOR ROBOT IS TIRED. He’s also technically dying a bit and getting his energy drained.

He sometimes snaps at kids, acts fucking insane but tries to act cheerfully.

Sun is trying his best to be happy go lucky, I swear he’s really trying.

Actually growls. Not the seductive growl your expecting (sorry Sun simps), but the “GRRRRR RAGHHHHHAYAY RUFF RUFURFU SNARL, SNRAL” rabies dog growl. He does this when he’s stressed.

Sometimes when he’s stressed he curls up into a ball and rocks back n forth at a corner. I don’t even know how I came up with this one.

PULLS stuff out of nowhere, always comically large.

His little sunrays shifts a lot depending on his emotion and feeling.

The only music he has listened to is his daycare music. Nothing else. Would love it if you introduced him to something else though.

A lot of the employees neglect him.

With Kids

Plays with the kids a lot, I mean I don’t know what your expecting he’s the only one that plays with them.

Because it’s little kids they’re going to be dirty.

Sun despises that but tries his best to clean up.

Most of the time kids are afraid of him. (His canon version, but in my hc version they aren’t due to my design change.)

Has scribbles, stains, and handprints all over him.

As much as Sun tries to clean himself after the terrible incident of kids rubbing disgusting things on him, he eventually gave up and went insane.

Not too insane, but clean freak insane. (Clean freak but doesn’t even clean his own room).

References a lot of theatre stuff to the kids, they don’t understand him at all.

With Moon (before corrupted)

FUCKING LOVED HIM BUT ALSO HATED HIM.

In a platonic way ofc, I hc all three of them as brothers.

Appreciated his entire being because that means he can go to resting mode and build up his energy for the next day.

Also didn’t appreciate him at the same time because he says unnecessary stuff to him in their little mindset (which I will explain how that works in another post).

Ohhh, if he could have his brother in a separate body he would hug him then go world-star on him by beating the absolute shit of out of him.

Whenever it was time for Sun to take turn, his body is just covered in stacks of blankets that causes him to overheat a lot.

With Moon (after corrupted)

Missed him a lot, didn’t realize how much he wanted his brother back.

Because he had to stay in light all times, he wasn’t able to transform back into his brothers body anymore due to how dangerous he was.

Because they are programmed into the same body, Sun’s programming was also slowly getting a virus and corrupted.

When everybody else is gone, sometimes he finds somewhere dark, but not TOO dark to plug a nightlight that his brothers face on there.

The purpose of this was to let his corrupted brother see what’s going on, but because it’s not fully dark he isn’t in control and is slowly getting hurt from the light.

Corrupted moon thinks Sun is damaging him on purpose, when Sun just wants to show how much he misses his brother.

Corrupted moon somehow doesn’t have access to the mindset space, so Sun and Eclipse can think freely without him.

Angst hehe

With Eclipse

Doesn’t actually interact with him that much.

Sun kinda wishes he was more like Eclipse, because he’s much more calm and nicer than he is.

Kinda is jealous of him in a way??

I’ve been there Sun, being jealous of your sibling for doing sm better ☹️

Talks to him in mindset space but Moon always butts in and interrupts.

The only person that was there for him when he was going insane.. ☠️

Wished he got to talk more with Eclipse, but their interactions varied little.

OKAY THATS ALL FOR PART ONE!!! Will probably post another part tmrw :3 Next one will be Moon (reblogs appreciated!!)

[declanlikesmusic]

Personal Vent: The Internet Has Just Been Sadder Lately

A lot has been on my mind lately about the landscape of the internet in my view. A lot of it stems from me looking back at the past and how it contrasts with how I experience the internet today and if you know me for anything, it's that I fucking hate looking back at the past. My actions & inactions? Shit. Terrible. Fuck me as a young, stupid, naive human being. How other people have treated me? Varies completely across the range from some of the most kind-hearted & generous people I've ever met to people who know nothing more than complete spite, hatred & villainy. The overall landscape itself? I couldn't tell you the difference between wholeheartedly welcoming communities and people who are more than ready to shoot you down, dismiss you or think of you as lesser than them, outside of their superiority & elitist cliques.

I guess the reason why I title this post after the whole internet being sadder lately is sheerly & solely due to the fact that I am seeing it all now more than ever. I am looking back at over a decade of me exploring & investing myself in this overall online space and I am using the detriment of hindsight to realise just how toxic it all can be.

Some of y'all are too fucking good for the internet in its current state. Twitter is now a radioactive wasteland that everybody dreads being stuck in and finding no way out. Me and some of the people I know close to me are lucky enough as we are, but if you're looking for clean, spotless, perfect alternatives, then just give up now & settle for the fourth best thing. Not that one. No, not that one either, that's got cryptobros involved. No, that one's not secure either.

Oh my god, Twitter used to be such an okay place. There used to be these memes like "mutuals, like this post and I'll send an anonymous compliment" or "hey, look at this fun chart or joke I just made" or some bullshit like that; It was bullshit but it was fun! I used to have so many fun & insightful conversations in replies & direct messages that in hindsight were not all that fun or insightful at all and we were all just dumb & stupid. Now a third of those people are inactive or just gone from the face of the earth, another quarter are moving on to other platforms I don't even wanna be on, another third of them are still with me on the platforms I've moved on to and yet they are equally as drained of their enthusiasm & happiness as I am and the remaining twelfth, bless them all, they are still young, vibrant, happy & full of energy and I'm so happy to see them in my life, but they feel so much smaller altogether than they used to feel in the grand scheme of this fucking world wide web.

Then there's just the fact that the world itself is in a far worse state than it was exactly five years ago! In 2019, we did not have the coronavirus pandemic, we did not have wars mercilessly killing several thousand Ukranian or Palestinian civillians for no real fucking reason, we did not have billionaires being as loudly shitty as they have been lately, we sure had abhorrant & hateful right-wing influencers & political figures, but they're not swarming in droves like they have been lately and we're seeing more hatred, abuse, violence, negligence & dismissal worldwide in the public than ever before.

And now there's an extra layer to all of this that I really don't want to blame on fellow zoomers and the coming gen alpha, but I'm seeing a lot of people take in the communities they're joining at face value, seeing the toxic, negative energies & events they were known for in the past that were really powerful five years ago and that we're really trying to move past from today, and they're just getting ready to absorb that energy and unleash it onto others when even the slightest wrongdoing is noticeably committed. I have never felt this unsafe joining & frequenting other communities since either 2018 or 2020 and I've had to resort to making my own community / friend server multiple times even though it still makes me feel like I'm trapped in my own bubble these days. (Join LikesMusic, link in pinned post.)

After writing all of that, I just don't have a hopeful conclusion here. I am very well aware that it always gets worse before it gets better, but everything has just been much worse & worse & worse the more time passes on and the littlest betterments are thankfully present, but I'm still waiting for a point where we all just begin to soar and learn from how bad all of this has gotten and how we can just be fucking good again. I hope that one day, I can just walk into a community, immediately feel welcome & unintimidated and just grow into it organically like I used to almost a decade ago. I am hopeful for all of that, but I don't have that much hope at this current point in time. (Not to mention my body has been feeling like shit the past several weeks.)

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

One thing about the anger directed at AI from other artists right now is that what I'm alarmed and frustrated by is not the legitimate concerns of the usual corporate hellscape issues the tech industry created with it. It's not the concerns over theft and plagiarism (although I think there is misinfo about some aspects of this and a lot of intense reactionary shit. Even so, it's okay and normal to feel alarm and concern and want to discuss protective/ethical measures). And it's certainly not people fighting and advocating for worker's rights.

No. What's bothering me is the weird borderline elitist shit being the loudest voice in artistic/fandom spaces. It's "I worked so hard and suffered so much and now because people can ask a machine to make stuff, it's ruined my special identity." It's "people who make anything at all with AI will never be real artists like I am, and that's why we should ostracize them all, deny them legal protections, gatekeep all our spaces, etc." It's "everyone who uses AI for any reason is uncreative, a liar and a thief." It's "only people who endured my definition of hard work are real artists." It's "art can only be made by certain people under certain parameters that I dictate as legitimate." It's the insinuation that the bad shit that AI did to our jobs should be happening to everyone else but artists. It's the way I'm for some reason seeing fanfic writers, the queens of 'taking inspiration,' literally pull arguments from Anne Rice's famous hits.

I didn't know that my understanding of art was so different from so many people. And I think that's part of what is bothering me so much about this.

Like, listen. I put in the hard work. I have taught myself for decades. I have taught other people for a living. I have struggled, and shared my work to the world, and known what it was like to try and fail to make financial successes happen. I have known what it feels like to have others take 'heavy inspiration' from my hard work. I have known what it feels like to project that kind of "they're copying me!" anxiety and self-protectiveness unfairly onto others who did not deserve it.

But the way some of us have been behaving, the vicious pettiness, the fearmongering, the misinformation, the sheer anger directed at folks who are *not* shady corporate tech bros. It's ugly.

Art is not just all the hard work we put into being ~special~, or the endless struggling to get paid for it, or even the fucking attention. And if your voice in the conversation is just "weh all those ~less creative~ people might use this to make better looking, more financially successful art then me, when I should be the one rewarded with attention because I worked so hard!" Well. Welcome to having your work automated like everybody else ~less creative~ than you already has. Can we get back to just...enjoying ourselves making art for each other? Sharing the experience of creativity? Teaching one and other? Communicating deeper ideas about the human condition? Because nothing about AI is actually interfering with those things for me. AI hasn't taken my hands or my mind or my voice (not even if it manages to actually plagiarize my public work), but late stage capitalism has taken all my time and my energy and my money. AI's not ever stopping me from making art. People who play with it and make things are not interfering with my capacity to create, they are not actually harming me at all by playing in my sandbox. The mere presence of it will not crush the human drive to create (it might even open new doors). But the daily grind of exploitative american labor sure will. AI might take away what would be an already shitty, soulless, exploitative job that drains me creatively, but uh...that's the system I was already living in. The issue of workers rights is much bigger than just automation.

AI alone won't take anything away from you but a shitty job you would probably hate anyway, but billionaires sure will find ways to take away all your time and energy and financial security to be creative. And whether AI is a fad or is here to stay, unless we advocate for our rights politically, unless we hold politicians and corporations accountable, that will not change.

[toonjazzy]

“You used to be such a happy child and now you think it’s cool to be depressed and hate everything and never have fun anymore”

No, I don’t think depression is cool. No I don’t hate everything

Maybe I just grew up and developed my own thoughts after years of letting everyone else tell me what to think and believe but nobody liked that and started gaslighting me to the point where I don’t know who even is the real me because EVERYBODY compares me to my old self, my…literal 5 year old self. Maybe my Anxiety and Autism and all my other fucked up issues drain me so much due to all my masking every day 24/7 that now I have no energy to play, dance, put up with others’ shit, or anything

Sorry I don’t enjoy much of anything anymore, sorry I slowly went from being an Energetic child to an Exhausted Jester in a decade. Isn’t that just growing up?

[000life-is-meaningless000]

We Really Live On A Psycho world, it's not a clown world it's a Psycho World.

everybody knows murder is wrong but to a degree murder really is based on context. if you murder a fly nobody gives a shit but if you murder a cat everybody loses their mind. if you murder the spider which is not causing anyone any problem's, nobody gives a fuck.

but if you shoot a fucking dog all the sudden everybody's going to be up in arms and be utterly piss at you if you shoot someone who's really bad person, let's just say you saw a man raping an actual child laughing his ass off trying to pinch his ass while he's completely naked, and you're beyond disgusted you're early enraged for the child so what do you do the most righteous honorable thing you can

( if somebody reports this post you like pedophiles )

you whip out a fucking gun you blow the pervert's brains out. yes the fucking little babies going to be Utterly Traumatized especially by the big loud sound from the gun cuz his/her Mind can't understand what's going on but when it gets older becomes an adult only when it becomes an adult around age 30 probably, it'll understand that there was a hero that saved his ass that day keep in mind human being really has around 100 years.

so logically speaking, but we live in a world where if you did that you be convicted of as a murderer because we have a corrupt justice system that does not value morality and values of rules over ethics and morals.

which is a completely Unholy system which is called the beast system, or the Antichrist system or the System of Satan !

&

to make matters worse, if an angel came down from heaven and found a demon controlling and terrorizing a fucking town somewhere out there in America and it was traumatizing everyone torturing everyone giving the nightmares creating an aura of Darkness, Blot out the sun & cursing everyone draining anyone killing people making people kill each other just absolutely causing chaos panic havoc and the cops can do nothing the churches are crumbled, this is a real fucking entity this is a creature made a pure evil energy.

tell the angel comes down and slays the demon with a golden shining sword keep in mind gold is kryptonite to anything dark.

with a Sword of light you Would Kno, it's Dead !

we live in a world where people would call for the angel to be put to death, the angel is falling, the angel is a murderer

WE LIVE IN A WORLD THEY WOULD ACTUALLY DO THAT ! ! !

people would actually cry foul but the angel killed the demon and freed the people we live in a world to win evil a slain the world cries and mourns for the darkest of evils villains are mourn for heroes are hated.

good is not cherished evil is cherished, the righteous actions of the hero are always seen as the darkest actions the most unforgivable evils, but the actions of evil in the world are always seen as either normal or someone benevolent or people always act like evil doesn't exist, it's a conspiracy or it is to be cherished.

Criminal's Stealing : 🤷🏻‍♂️

A Righteous Man STOP's, The Thief : 😡 ARREST HIM, HE'S MENTALLY ILL ! HE'S VIOLATING THAT MAN'S PERSONAL SPACE, AND HE TOUCH HIM Witch is Violence !

We Really Live In A World with Satan has the World by the balls Satan has his disgusting fucking demonic hand for a call right around the balls of this goddamn world.

it's got this world by the balls and by the throat as well staring at directly in the fucking eyes.

I hate this fucking world there's a reason why satanic billionaires rule the whole goddamn world there's a reason why elite is 1 world government.

I know the Antichrist is supposed to lose in the end, what the fuck is giving a Goddamn, Antichrist motivation to begin with to think he's going to have a Chance That Dumb Fuck Didn't He Read The Bible ?

what a dumbass, anyway we live in a dumbass world we live in a world that worries about fictional problems like racism or gender affirming care

I live in a world with people are so mentally insane they believe they can change their fucking gender their energy and their chromosome by simply saying that they are the opposite energy I mean the opposite gender

the mind of a man in the mind of a woman looks so fucking different to each other it it look they're literally polar opposite to each other

Gold And Silver, May both be metals but they're completely different fucking metal and have completely different energy from each other !

Gold is not Silver and Silver Is Not Gold.

&

I'm just trying to let you God damn fucking know that we live in a goddamn world that is completely an absolutely fucking insane people worry about racism if it's a fucking problem it's not a God damn fucking problem the definition of racism keeps fucking expanding and changing and becoming more and more all in common thing

now you're not allowed to talk about characteristics of creatures in nature patterns of behavior or any type of psychology that comes with fucking DNA otherwise those are called stereotypes or you're just called a racist and I'm at the Goddamn point where I want to say I'm proud to be a fucking racist because racism is literally got interfered with science. you're no longer allowed to have fucking knowledge of creatures and entities and specimens especially if they're human otherwise you will be hated for the knowledge.

we live in a world with good is hated we having a world where truth is hated.

we live in a world where the good and the true or hate it and people love lies and Evil.

THE FUCKING BIBLE WARNED ABOUT THIS

AND

you speak any goddamn Truth, you will be hated you will be shot down if the enemy, do not speak the truth about an African or an Asian or any protected crew for the world will go crazy for they've already lost their mind they're already taken by the Beast and Satan has swallowed their soul. they are already predestined to be screaming in hell for all eternity.

( as much as about the fucking racist part, it's about God damn everything but this is the part that keeps getting screened at all about every fucking day of our fucking lives, I'm visible meaningless empty devoid of purpose fucking life, being alive on this planet is more like a fucking torture it's like being in Hell already, we haven't been condemned to it, but it's as bad as hell, I'm not trying to Spew, Blasphemy, But, we have the right to Talk about & as we suffer )

&

but yet Africans can look upon their own people and say they are traits characteristics and qualities of their own people they can see and confirm a real and no one calls them a fucking racist but if you as a white person do that God damn thing then automatically you're a racist black people are allowed to call themselves a black people and say black lives matters which is a fucking racist statement in its own right but everybody acts like it's fucking normal it's not racist because Africans are saying it, great this is really if this is really double standard as fuck !

if you are a white person and you see quality characteristics traits or any kind of nature that usually comes along with something those are called stereotypes even though that they're going to happen and it's fucking nature it's a stereotype of the dog bark you have to keep doing it it's a stereotype to the cat meows it is going to keep doing it it's a stereotype that mice are fucking assholes and they're always going to keep doing it !

if you think that that's way too simple of an example how about this it's a stereotype to aliens abduct people and experiment of them and take their goddamn sperm and eggs from them and then put them down the Earth and cut their fucking body up like they're a fucking piece of meat, is that too fucking simple last I checked people think aliens are more intelligent than anything in existence all they do is have fucking spacecraft and everybody thinks they're fucking, God !

🤦🏻‍♂️

[aajjks]

Animal!JK yes of course you don't butter me up BUT YOU BETTER EVERYBODY ELSE...WOAH so now I can't even question you, but you can do things on your own and fuck up everything. TSK-! ( folds her hand over her chest while giving him a mean stare)What's the point of talking if I can't question you?(rolls her eyes at him) MOVE OUT OF MY WAY!! I NEED TO EAT BECAUSE YOUVE DRAINED MY ENERGY!! STUPID bitch!!

“ stop calling me a stupid bitch and come and eat so you will feel better because when you don’t eat you turn in to this stupid monster go eat you’ll never have to worry about cheating with me because you know I hate cheaters.”

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

One of the things that scares me about the whole youtube thing is when I will have to start interacting with people more again. You unfortunately can't do anything in life without making connections and I fucking hate that part because everybody wants to grow and inevitably many people tend to act to succeed.

The thing is, I spent too many years dealing with shallow or not-really-compatible friendships and draining myself to keep them going that the moment I feel sb is fake, now, or not compatible with me I just leave. I have stability at this point of my life in this aspect, it's perhaps the only stable thing in my life and with everything else being a mess, I don't want to have to deal with such energy again. Also I can't act to save my life. I might be nice once, twice, 3rd time I might start ghosting or pushing people back cause I am getting sth is off. Not necessarily with the person but with our dynamic, like i feel i can't make it work past a specific point.

Still it's the last thing I can think of. I see all those vtubers sharing their goals and be like yeah I like games, I wanna do this for a living, I want to be a content creator and I am here like, yeah I am actually doing this for money, cause I suck at anything else but I can be funny or at least nerdy for game theory videos and stuff. I prefer watching youtube not make videos (it used to be my dream job, I wanted to be making films and videoclips, but now, after more than a decade of trying without a single spec of luck, it's boring to me), I hate being in front of a camera and I am incredibly shy. So I dunno how that's going to go.

I will just make videos and hope the algorithm will help me at first. Maybe I will get to speak to a person or two eventually. Others advise to get on discord but no thank you. I don't want another account and especially when it includes group chats in getting to know others. Last time I tried group chats I was stressed out of my mind and I can't afford being stressed rn. I hope these past 4 months of work won't go to waste, otherwise I'm going back to my book and accept my fate.

[2017worththetell]

Dear Ryan Baker,

Mr. Hyde here. I’m writing this for myself. Not for you. I couldn’t give a damn if you ever read this or not. Truthfully, you can choke. Fuck you, your fake ass friendship, and your half assed apology. My life fell apart and i almost lost everything, and you didn’t. I live with the trauma of what happened and you get to go on with your life.. It really was just a game to you. Did you have fun? Was it worth it? Did you ever even stop to think how it would affect me? We were not on the same page and i hate that you assumed we were. I developed actual feelings for you. Which is funny considering how horribly you treated me. If we are both being honest, you weren’t even my friend. Almost everything we talked about was about you. You didn’t know a single thing about me. You still don’t. It sucks because i spent every day trying to be the friend you needed. I was already depressed and emotionally drained as it was, but i spent the remainder of my energy on you. I bought you your favorite drinks, snacks, made sure you knew you were loved and made sure you were doing okay mentally and physically. I just wish you would’ve cared about me the way I cared for you. It’s my fault, though, for expecting a narcissist to care about someone other than themselves. Do you ever think about anybody but yourself? No, you don’t. You don’t understand how hard it was to love you, yet it was also so easy at the same time. You’re so self centered and careless, Ryan. You saw I was vulnerable and took advantage of it. You knew my marriage was not in a good place. I’d like to give you the benefit of the doubt and think you didn’t do it on purpose… but at your big age, I know you knew exactly what you were doing. You played me so well and you know it. I bet that was quite the ego boost. And the fact that you made a comment on my mental health was so unnecessary and hurtful. You knew exactly where to strike to hurt my feelings.. I never even insulted you, I simply stated facts. It’s a fact that you treated me horribly. It’s a fact you met with your fuck buddy after I tried to kill myself. It’s a fact you weren’t there for me. It’s all facts. You’re just mad because I’m calling you out on shit that’s true. And best of all, You’re mad at me because I’m still not over something that happened 1 year ago and was very traumatizing to me. maybe Someday I will be over it but for now i hate you for all of it…. Even if I do hurt your feelings, i really don’t care. You hurt me first. Go fuck yourself.

I hate how you made me feel. The good and the bad.

But… i do love some things. I love how small your glasses make your eyes look. It’s ugly. I love how greasy your long hair looks. It’s ugly. I love that you look like you have let yourself go. You’re ugly. it made me so much easier for me not to like you anymore. Because i remember there’s more to you than your looks. If I’m being honest, I hate your narcissistic personality and your perverted comments. I always tried to laugh them off, but in reality, i just thought they were gross. You’re gross. You’re also old and lonely. It’s so sad. It’s probably why you have been single for the past 8 years. You were not wrong when you said you were unlovable. Its hard to love somebody so heartless. It’s probably why your ex girlfriend, Erin, left you. She knew better than to live an awful life with you. I could never be with someone like you. I would probably try to kill myself again. But this time, I would say a prayer beforehand to make sure i succeed.

You made me feel like shit everyday and made me believe I wasn’t a worthy person. I bent over backwards for you. Nobody else would put up with you. But i did. Everybody else hated working with you. I made it work. Despite the fact you treated me like garbage, i loved you. I was there for you. Nobody else was. But i was. And you played with my heart. You didn’t deserve me. I hope someday your life falls apart like mine did. I wish I could be the bigger person, but I’m not. However, part of me is thankful things played out the way they did. I saw your true colors and saw my own, as well. I learned I never really respected you or liked who you were as a person. And as much as I wished differently in the past, I’m glad I never ended up being yours. You could never be half the man I needed you to be. You are not even half the man you are. The truth is, I think you are a coward and a whore. You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me. You made my life miserable. I hate you and I wish I would have never met you. i hope I never see you again.

P.S.

I hope you’re miserable and alone until you’re dead.

Yours truly,

Nicole.

[ipercreeper]

WORRY. - Jeff Rosenstock [2016]

We Begged 2 Explode

Laura said to me, "This decade's gonna be fucked Friends will disappear after they fall in love (Fall in love) Fall in love and get married Isn't that shit like, crazy? The workin', havin' babies and promotions? The cheatin', cryin', leavin', and divorcin'?"

Pash Rash

I've been doing this for half my years; I've been mouthing off in bars, trading shame for self-respect My trajectory is crystal clear I can see it in the stars that frame the shame above my neck That frame the shame above my neck And the sky is always pitch black When I sneak away, I only wanna come back and see your face, see your face again

Festival Song

It feels completely ridiculous That I'm a willing participant Gazing at the purples and pinks In the shadow of a bank-sponsored skyline "Unite against the establishment!" While drones transmit the images To a server farm in the valley For a culture that'll eat its own insides

Staring Out the Window at Your Old Apartment

The city don't care if you live or die It's just gonna grow and it doesn't care why You're tired of kicking and fighting through life And left me alone on this cold winter night

Wave Goodnight to Me

Yeah, ignorance is bliss until the day The things you ignored all come into focus And those conveniences leave cavities That can't get filled 'cause you didn't notice

To Be a Ghost...

Born as a data mine for targeted marketing And no one will listen up until you become a hashtag or a meme But hate's not a fad that dies with its virality They want you to be a ghost when they rob you of your hope But you've got power when they're not expecting anything

Pietro, 60 Years Old

Will you wait for me? Keep me warm in the cold? Will you stay with me

I Did Something Weird Last Night

Everything so unexpectedly started to change in the dream But I was preoccupied with how the magic would end Because nothing intangible remains sustainable Hope is a scheme Will I ever see you again?

Blast Damage Days

We'll get lost and wander off, enraptured by fake doom When our towns fall to the ground Oh, it won't shatter me and you Whenever we feel ashamed being alive and awake In such an era of hate and military police These are the mass murder days We are the blast damage age

Bang on the Door

And we can keep pretending this isn't really happening Or wait until the noise goes away We can declare our grand ambitions about living somewhere different But we aren't doing anything today We can avoid the telephone when it's a number we don't know But we don't even know what they're gonna say

Rainbow

They wanna hear us scream "We ain't got no money, we ain't got no money! You got me! You got me! You got me! You got me! We ain't got no money, we ain't got no money! You got me! You got me! You got me! You got me! Please don't take my love away! My home from me today!"

Planet Luxury

They brutalize your confidence and drain you of your energy Until you're always tired and unsure They make a lot of promises but keep on taking everything So you always want more You want more? You want more

HELLLLHOOOOLE

But we don't have to live inside a hellhole And give our money to some fucking asshole We don't wanna live inside a hellhole

June 21st

I didn't leave the house all day For the last thirty Saturdays It's time to trade the darkness for a view Because it's June 21st

The Fuzz

I can't stand feeling violent But it's hard not to sometimes When the innocent get slaughtered And the guilty get a fine When I drown myself in chemicals Do I even have a choice? And if you scream and no one hears you Are you even making noise?

...While You're Alive

I wanna let you know while you're alive Because everybody loves you when you die But when it matters, they're not there Not there I gotta let you know while you're alive Cause I'll be a disaster when you die Chubby body, no hair, don't care

Perfect Sound Whatever

Next time I see you I'll find better words than I'm sorry (I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!) Perfect always takes so long Because it don't exist Perfect always takes so long Because it don't exist It doesn't exist It doesn't exist It doesn't exist It doesn't exist

[your-dearly-demented]

do you know how relieving it feels to see this instead of the horrors of humanity and begging for my attention and shit that drains my mental health every time I open Tumblr? it feels good. there is NOTHING I can do. everybody and their fucking family knows about Gaza and Palestine already and I don't have any money so stop sending me hate asks just because I don't have the emotional energy to deal with the Horrors.

I get a tiny sense of relief every time my filters keep me from reading another one of these posts, and I'm NOT apologizing 💞

alright I just officially blocked every word associated with Palestine, Israel, and Gaza. I care about the cause but ffs my whole dashboard is full of it and has been for months. Sorry that I don't wanna see the horrific parts of the world every single time I boot up Tumblr. Everyone else who doesn't want to see that should feel free to as well. You're not obligated to listen or expend energy or drag down your mental health even more over issues that aren't your own.

[dallysnecklace]

heyy! I saw the soft reader x Dallas and I loved it! I saw wondering if you could do another where he’s at the diner with the gang and the reader is there with a friend and Dallas hears her laugh and it reminds him of his mother and he just keeps staring at the reader and he tries to distract himself and the gangs like Dallas are you even listening? Have a good day💗

Dallas Winston x soft! F! Reader

Once again I love the idea of polar opposites being together, and I kinda imagined him just seeing her for the first time, and what that would be like for the two of them. Have a lovely day aswell! Thank you for the request, I LOVED writing this

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, death of a loved one (breast cancer), immigration from Italy due to WWll, and not edited because I’m tired and wanna sleep LMAO

Dallas Winston was a known player.

Everybody knew that.

Except, maybe, you. The sweet girl who’s favorite hobby is reading, always has her head in the clouds, and is very much a loner. However, you enjoyed being alone.

You loved not having to worry about gossip, drama and all of that stuff. All you worried about was your best friend, Libby, and your books. You had recently started Dune, and fell in love with it. You weren’t going to lie, you loved a long book that could keep you entertained for more than just a few days. This way, you could put off spending time with Libby.

You loved Libby, she was very sweet, but high energy. Every time you go out with her, you need to take a break because she drains you.

But here you are at the diner, next to Libby, and her telling a ridiculous story about her cousin, that you weren’t really paying attention to. Dune was just really interesting, okay?

A few seats over at a booth, sat the entire Curtis gang. Yes, the entire Curtis gang at a booth meant for four people. Dallas was sitting on a pulled up chair at the end of table, holding a black cup of coffee that he had ordered, meanwhile the other boys shared milkshakes and a basket of fries.

Ponyboy had just won his first track tournament of the year, and everyone insisted on celebrating.

Dallas, like you, needed alone time. He loved his gang, they were pretty much his support system, but he stayed quiet except for the occasional teasing or chuckle.

A waitress walked by your table and you called out, “Excuse me?” She turned to look in your direction, plastering on a fake smile.

“I’m sorry for bothering you, but could I please get a cup of breakfast tea, with milk and sugar?” You felt bad for her. She was obviously overworked and tied.

The waitress smiled at your kindness and walked away, writing down your tea in her notebook so she wouldn’t forget.

Libby perked up at the sound of your order.

“Seriously y/n? Another cup of that disgusting dirt water?”

“Okay, first of all it’s not dirt water, and it most definitely is not disgusting!” You defended yourself, voice growing a bit louder and higher.

This peaked Dallas’ attention. He heard you from a few tables over, looked over, and studied you for a second. You were one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen. Not in a basic kind of way, but you just looked unique. It intrigued him. For the first time he was just admiring something beautiful, not looking at a girl as a quick fuck.

“My dad is British, and so I drink tea. It’s simple.” The waitress from before returned to your table, and set down your tea in front of you.

“Jesus Libby you really are missing out this shit is good.” You sighed, taking a sip from your beloved cup.

“No that shit sucks y/n. Just like my cousin with her boyfriend.”

You looked at Libby, your jaw dropped, wondering how you missed this part of the story! You started to laugh, your loud, giggly, unique laugh. You hated it and you mad at Libby for knowing she would make you laugh with that comment. You hit your friend on the shoulder and continued to giggle, you just found it so funny!

The sound of your laugh made Dallas whip his head back to you, his eyes wide open. He thought he heard his mother.

His mother was the sweetest women he ever knew. She loved books, the stars, Brooklyn, and cinnamon. She had so much love in her heart for the whole world, even though it had treated her horribly. She immigrated from Italy in her teens, and while traveling her father fell ill and passed away. She arrived in America, alone, and ended up living with her distant Uncle. At a young age, her Uncle made her marry Dallas’ father. An older man who was quite wealthy. Though soon into their marriage, he lost all his money to gambling. The couple was poor, and this led to his fathers abuse.

But his mother would always stay positive, no matter what. She laughed every day with her son, making sure he knew how to. When Dallas turned 15, she passed away from breast cancer. This led Dallas to destructive habits. Why did the world have to be so cruel to such a kind person? He never understood.

He has never found someone as pure as his mother. And maybe that’s why he goes through so many girls. He’s trying to find someone with that same happiness and love for the world. But, maybe he’s just found that person.

Sodapop noticed Dallas was ever distant from the conversation, and followed his eyes, landing on the beautiful Y/n.

“Y/n.” Soda broke the silence between the two.

“What?” Dallas replied, not looking away from you.

“Y/n L/n. You’re staring at her. I mean shes real beautiful Dal. Maybe you can actually get a girlfriend instead of a one night stand.” Soda laughed and and punched Dallas’ arm, making him turn away from you.

“Do you know her? What is she like? Why have I never seen her before?” He questioned.

The rest of the table noticed Dallas’ weird behavior.

“Hey what’s going on?” Pony asked

“I think Dallas has a crush on y/n!” Soda teased.

The rest of the boys turned to look in your direction, and you spotted them peaking over the seats to look at you. You gave them a weird look, and they quickly ducked back into their seats.

“Think she noticed us?” Two asked.

“Yeah dumbass she totally did.” Steve answered, shooting a glare at the boy.

Pony looked back to Dallas.

“She’s really sweet Dal. She loves to read, and wants to be an astrologer. She’s always got her head in the clouds though.” Pony answered Dals long forgotten questions.

“She’s kinda a loner. I only know her through book club, but I don’t think she’s ever had a boyfriend or anything like that. She’s not a grease either, but she’s not rich. She’s too sweet to be a grease though.” Ponyboy finished, staring to delve into his own head.

Darry looked to Dallas.

“Why? Do you want to be with her or something?” He asked, genuinely curious.

“She sounded like my mom when she laughed, it just, it was like she was in the room.” He said, looking at you.

Darry was the only one in the gang who knew about Dallas’ past, and how he wanted to find a girl who was like his mom. He wanted to encourage Dallas to talk to you.

But your eyes suddenly met Dallas’. You both stared at each other, basking in the somehow comfortable eye contact. You didn’t recognize this boy, but wow did he look beautiful. His jawline and cheek bones were pronounced in the lighting, making him look sharp. Yet, he had these cute lips that made him look adorable at the same time. It was a mixture that made butterflies in your stomach start to emerge. You smiled at him, and waved.

Dallas and you were fully being watched by your friends, but at that moment you couldn’t notice the rest of your surroundings.

He smiled back at you, muttered a “hi” and turned back to his table, a small blush apparent on his cheeks.

Libby turned to you, shell-shocked.

“I think Dallas Winston might have a full on crush on you y/n. Holy shit! This is insane oh my god!” She shouted.

“Shut up!” You giggled and put your hands over her mouth.

“Go talk to her!” Darry ushered Dallas out of his seat and towards you. Dallas had never been nervous talking to a girl before, this was very weird for him.

You heard footsteps approach your table, and you looked up, meeting the eyes of the boy you thought was ever so pretty.

“Uh, Hi. I’m Dallas.” He said, holding his hand out for you.

“Hi.” You placed your hand in his, and he brought it to his lips, kissing it gently, making you giggle.

“I just wanted to say I heard you laugh earlier, and it felt familiar so I looked over and I saw you. You’re just real beautiful, so do you want to go out sometime? Like a date?” He asked, now sitting down at the table with you.

You blushed having never been on a date before. “Yeah I would love that.” You excitedly answered, a smile very present on your face.

“Great uh-“ He looked at his friend and yours watching you two intently.

“Do you want to go outside real quick?” He asked you. You nodded, and he offered you his hand while you walked out the doors, sitting on a bench nearby.

“Do you want to go to the movie house with me? My favorite book is being turned into a movie and I need to see it?” You suddenly asked Dallas. You were quite nervous.

“Yeah man, here’s my number.” He wrote it down on your hand.

“Okay. I’ll call you tonight.” You smiled again, beaming at the boy with the moonlight covering his features.

“Can I- I know this is real soon but I wanta kiss you, doll. That okay?” He bashfully asked, not wanting the moment to end.

You nodded and quickly his lips met yours, melting together. He tasted like bitter coffee and you tasted like sugar. The perfect mix, they balanced each other out. You pulled away.

“WOW!” You said and then your hands flew to your mouth, embarrassed you said that aloud.

“Uh- I’ll call you tonight Dallas thank you!” You walked to your car, seeing Libby wait for you there.

“I’ll be waiting!” He replied.

“Libby did that just happen. Holy- oh my god!” You screamed. Libby jumped into your arms capturing you in a hug.

“I told you that you were the most wonderful girl in the planet and that the right guy would come eventually didn’t I?” She looked at you.

“I think I’m going to marry that man. I’m not joking Libby.” You said.

Dallas overheard this entire conversation, along with the rest of the gang, who walked right out of the diner after he had kissed you. Darry walked up to Dallas, patted him on the back and smiled at him. Dallas returned a very genuine true smile, and Darry was so happy that Dallas finally found someone that made him so happy.

You two ended up getting married, just like you had said. Dallas felt like his mom was there the whole ceremony, watching over both of you. He was right, she was.

[d10nsaint]

u asked for dion i give you dion

dion x reader thats just as yandere as him?

pls ty

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUUUUU

So,Dion with a reader whos a yandere-that could be a possible term.

But more than him?

No way bro.

->Dion is the kind of yandere who leaves you in the illusion room when you disobey him.Dion is the kind of yandere who locks & chains you in bed when he finds out somebody complemented your beauty.

->While,Dion doesnt interact with people who arent his family much,so nobody really gets to flirt.

->even at the small times where he does get flirted with,you'd be right there watching someone say your husband "gives big dick energy",and he'd be confused,but its you next to him about to drain the life out of his arm while you grip it and fucking spew profanities at the person who 'flirted' with him.

-> I could see you getting jealous and him understanding why,but says that 'its not much of a big deal because he doesnt respond to women flirting'.

->and then you get extra jealous and start making out with him

->I would see him with a yandere that likes to show their relationship off,so everybody knows he belongs to you.

->You would hate his mother..because I said so.

->But,your personalities really complement each other, So you both have a mutual understanding of eachother tendencies.

->That doesnt mean that you both dont become hypocrites and tell the other that others' obsession is becoming too much,though.

->Like..you both are bad.why r yall fighting??

[ravenadottir]

Based on looks alone, how would you rank the season 4 love interests as someone who has never play it?

oh i actually love this!!

'cause i don't even know, for instance, which girls besides angie and najuma are li's, so if you allow me, i'll just rate everybody lol

i think i'm just gonna do it alphabetically to make it easier.

angie. hot, cute, great tattoos. she reminds me of the hot girls i wished were li's on the 'choices' app. also i like her pose but she gets a boot for the hair. it's not great, i don't care for it. 9/10

bruno. this might be the biggest meh for me... hate the hair, HATE IT. what happened?? what went wrong? why did they make his face match the size of his neck? the face is not as generic looking, but it's not great either. the outfits are... gutted. oh my god, they're bad! solid 5/10.

cora. SUPER CUTE. i love the buzz cut, the hair color, her face is just absolutely adorable, cute style. she's hopefully an li?? 'cause if she wasn't y'all were robbed. a boot for the star on the hair (i don't really like buzz shapes on hair). 9/10.

dylan. rotted. gutted. beast. down the drain. most generic looking bitch in this entire cast, BUT IN A BAD WAY. weird ass legs for an athlete, awful face, looks like the type who says "you're just a lesbian because you hadn't had good dick". MANSPLAINING KING. HATE THAT FACE specifically, what a waste of torso design. and i HATE that smirk. gross. solid -3/10. i can't stress this enough, I HATE HIS DESIGN SO MUCH. all of it.

hazeem. HOT!!!!! so fucking handsome, hello??? and i know he's not an li and that was a d-i-s-s-e-r-v-i-c-e. mustache could've been trimmed on the sides but i still think he's hella attractive. i don't mind body hair, and his looks actually good. a boot for the mustache but he was gonna be a 11/10, so 10/10.

james. cute, handsome, good body, but he doesn't make my panties twist you know? i think it's because he looks kinda boring. granted i've never seen any scenes featuring him, so i might be wrong, but he just looks like he would recite poetry and talk about books on the first date. i hate that, it's so tedious. but i love guys with long hair, no matter what texture it is and the bun does it for me. 9/10. hate the glasses and the shorts though.

juliet. NO. she reminds me of the mexican actresses that played villains on telenovelas when i was growing up. BIG SORAYA ENERGY, holy shit. love the eyes, but everything else... it's a no from me dog. hate the diaper she's wearing as a bikini bottom. don't like her, she's not cute. 3/10 and i'm being generous. she looks like she would say she's 40 and people would be like "you don't look 40" but lowkey she's supposed to be 40, you know?

kelly. quirky, cute, looks like would be fun to hang out, probably really flirty. the lip bite is the most they've ever done for a character on any of these ads and it looks good. 10/10.

kobi. great body, good face, but those trunks were a disservice. he looks like the type who would mansplain though, there's definitely an energy there. personally i don't think the "i'm a confident and dynamic guy" is attractive at all. some girls get wet by listening to them, i'm yawning, and he gives me that energy. 8/10.

lexi. i don't see what you guys are talking about. she looks fine but she's not out of this world. the body is ten times hotter with someone else's face. she looks like the lip injections went a bit too far. wouldn't give more than a 6/10.

najuma. SEE, NOW WE'RE TALKING. thicccc, gorgeous face, gorgeous body, gorgeous hair, amazing style. those eyes???? MA'AM, SPARE THAT HAND IN MARRIAGE. truthfully the hottest person in the entire cast and i haven't seen the others yet. 12/10.

oliver. YEP, HE DOES IT FOR ME. beautiful face, good body, hate the tattoos, he gets a boot for that, but he seems like the type of guy who talks to you all night and falls asleep on your lap after sharing stories and laughing about nothing. i love the vibe. he also strikes me as the type who can get a little shy. 11/10.

thabi. gorgeous face, cute style, cute hair, cute glasses, lovely energy. i personally think she's the type to like... laugh timidly about things and that's what i like. i just like how bashful and adorable she looks. she really does it for me too. 10/10.

tiffany. um... i don't know... something's off about them. i think it's the head? or the head-to-the-body position? something is definitely off. i do think she's cute though, and the body is a 10/10 for me. she gets a boot for the wonky design but she's gorgeous! 10/10.

tom. very meh. face is generic looking, and he has no lashes??? it's like they said "let's give him a strong jaw to make him look masculine" and it just looks... wrong. hate that hair, it's not the best let's be honest. the body just doesn't go with the face... the design is not designing, there's a disconnection for sure. i don't like it. also, not that it's bad, but he looks like he has a mommy kink, which added 2 points for him lol 5/10.

valentina. see now that's a bombshell! holy shit. great pose, hot. hair on point, face? amazing. love this one but she gets a boot for the tattoo. also, she does look like a dom/top and that energy makes anyone look ten times hotter, and she's already there. 10/10.

will. my-whole-damn-type! oh my god, long hair on guys is a different level. the tattoos though, are such a BOOT. i hate all of them. this is definitely the only character we can all agree it would be a downgrade if he got another tattoo. hair, face, body, it all does it for me. will is gorgeous and it's not even a discussion, but he gets two boots for the tattoos. 10/10. he was supposed to be a 12.

youcef. hate the hair shape, hair color... go back to party city where you belong. hate the outfits, hate the lips, hate the jaw. oh my god, what did they do to this boy?? body? 10/10, but what the fuck is this face??? why does he look so... weird?? he looks in pain when smiling, i- 3/10 and i'm being super generous. you know i am.

and can i talk about something else for a second? WHO THE FUCK DECIDED ON THEIR OUTFITS???

they're horrible! with the exception of will's night outfit, thabi's and najuma's, i don't think there was anybody else's i was into. the clothes are NOT IT.

valentina's dress was a trip to the gyno. girl... you move one inch i can measure your uterus. i also hate angie's... that fabric? so shiny, and in a very bad way. and i hate the sleeves. juliet's... the diaper? the blue dress?? i don't even... i don't... i-

moving on.

cora's blue something is fine but it's not gagworthy. i prefer the neon pieces and i hate neon. she just pulls it off really well and the cut is super cute. i love it.

now...

CAN WE JUST BURN EVERY OUTFIT BRUNO HAS EVER WORN IN THIS SEASON. GIRL, NO. THOSE SHIRTS ARE SO UGLY! just 'cause you're a comedian... dude, tell me the jokes, don't wear them.

youcef's too. what the fuck was that suit??? why are you wearing a bow tie on a vacation? what is... i don't... i- and again, go back to party city where you belong. you look like you borrowed sam winchester's white wig from the last episode of supernatural and gave it a cut yourself. get kobi here, ASAP, it's an emergency.

don't get me started on tom's. it's so corny to wear something that's not... occasion appropriate. that makes the entire outfit misplaced and why the fuck do you have a handkerchief in your pocket? jacket and sneakers, how very ellen degeneres of you. HATE HIS OUTFIT.

dylan can rot in hell. he's the most basic looking motherfucker and i bet he thinks he's the last vibrator on the shelf. BET. white shirt and jeans? GROUNDBREAKING.

kobi's is fine, not much going on but i kinda prefer that over whatever was going on with the others'.

james' i like because it's pink and pink on dark complexion is UNDERRATED. personally i think it took TOO LONG for a dude to wear it. *thinks of rahim and bobby in blush pink*

i just don't think i missed out on much by not playing this season.

the islanders... appearance alone, because i haven't played any episodes, those are my opinions. i remember being so TORN when i first started season 2. gary, rahim, noah and bobby WERE DOING IT FOR ME, you know?

when lucas and henrik came along, same! the only people that didn't cause any stir with me were rocco, jakub, felix and elijah, but the others?? HOLY SHIT. i had to play on different accounts, i just had to.

this art style is not it. what was wrong with s2's?

also, it does look like multiple artists, from different backgrounds, worked on this season's characters and it absolutely shows. some of them look 2d, some 3d. some of them have some bounce to their hair, some look like they're wearing a helmet (*clears throat* YOUCEF AND TOM).

god, they didn't make one effort did they? anyway. those are my scores based off appearance alone.

[helliontherapscallion]

sibling hybrid!creeper reader headcannons/one-shot for SBI ( + ranboo? 🧍‍♀️ ) hurt/comfort. like maybe the reader struggles with emotions and doesn't know how to deal w/ them healthily, so they end up bottling them up and kinda explode at times.

sorry if this is too specific, i just really like your writing :) congrats on 1k!! <3

and one last thing,.. can i be 🫂 anon?

(A/N): I had a lot of fun with this one, and thank you : ) I hope you don’t mind that I added Tubbo. Also one more thing, I imagine the explosion is kinda like a Bakugou situation but uncontrollable

Warnings: anti-hybrid rhetoric/slurs (speciesism???), swearing, blood (not much, just mentions of a nose bleed)

It was completely an accident this time, it all just came so fast. You were standing in front of a store window when you felt something rub against your leg. When you looked down, panic engulfed your entire being when you saw an orange cat rubbing and nuzzling against your leg, letting out deep purrs. You had no clue why this cat wasn’t chasing you like all other cats usually did, but you didn’t want to ponder. You felt the familiar pressure building up inside of you as a startled hiss left your mouth and you jumped away from the creature. Your skin was sparking and popping as your freckles lit up in a glowing green light. 

Finally, explosions left your skin as the glass shattered next to you and gravel was turned up and thrown about. You fell to your knees and rubbed at your burning eyes and wiped the blood from your nose. Exploding like that had always taken a lot out of you and made your nose bleed. You suspected that it was because of the sudden build up and release of pressure and energy. 

The back of your shirt was grabbed and you were yanked off from the ground. There staring at you was the owner of the shop that you accidentally blew up. His green eyes were ablaze as he gritted his teeth and looked into your eyes.

“Do you have any idea what you just did?! You blew up my window!”

Small hisses left your mouth, “I-I’m sorry sir I swear I didn’t mean t-”

“Like hell you didn’t! Your kind always destroys everything!”

You stopped struggling and narrowed your eyes at him, “my kind?”

“Yes, hybrids! Filthy mutts, all you do is destroy! You’re a bunch of freaks.”

You could feel another explosion coming about and this time you did not even attempt to hold this one back. You stared him dead in the eyes with the harshest glare you could muster. As soon as the hisses started to leave your mouth and the freckles once again glowed green, the man’s eyes widened before he threw you into the street away from the building. Another explosion left you and disassembled the neat cobblestone of the road. A single stone flew and shattered what was left of the store window. Another flew and hit the store owner in the head knocking him out. 

And here you were now; hisses left your mouth as you ran down the beaten path of the village towards the exit. The iron golem following you was hot on your tail, it’s booming footsteps picking up dust clouds from the gravel. Villagers around you scattered and started to whisper fearfully amongst themselves. You could feel their fearful and angry stares burning holes through you. After you got out of the village and the iron golem was still chasing you, you ducked into the forest where you knew it wouldn’t follow you. You climbed up a tree and watched as the golem angrily smacked the foliage out of the way before it gave up and hobbled back into the village. 

You dragged your feet tiredly back home, wanting nothing more than to collapse in your bed. Your senses were on overdrive as you were hyper aware of everything around you. You’ve never exploded twice within the span of ten minutes before, and it wore you out. Small exhausted hisses left your mouth as you trudged along the path. 

After getting home you walked past a confused and concerned Wilbur, dodging his hands that were trying to grab you so he could get a better look at you. You walked up the stairs ignoring his questions and walked past Tommy.

“Hey sparky, what’s got you lookin like shit?” He asked you before he started to laugh to himself at the nickname he knew you hated. You winced at the volume of his voice before you hissed angrily and stomped off into your room before you passed out immediately in your bed the second you threw yourself onto it. 

You didn’t wake up until a hand shook you awake firmly. You peeled open your eyes to see Tommy hovering over you looking slightly scared. When you fully opened your eyes, he sighed in relief.

“Oh my fucking Ender, I thought you died for a second.”

You only groaned and covered your head with the covers trying to block out the morning light streaming into your room and Tommy’s voice. He shook you more, your entire bed shaking with it. “Get up. Dad wants you downstairs for breakfast cuz you skipped lunch and dinner.”

You said nothing as he ripped the covers off from you eventually and pulled you out of your bed. You landed on the floor with a thump and hissed a little in frustration. You stood up and pushed him out of your room and slammed the door behind him. The locked door handle jimmied before it stopped and everything was silent. You prayed that he went away, but alas he didn’t. You rubbed your forehead when he started to knock at your door in multiples of two.

Knock knock, “(y/n)?” Knock knock, “(y/n)?” Knock knock, “(y/n)?” Knock kno-

“I’ll be down in a minute fuckface. I’m gonna get dressed.”

“If you aren’t down in five minutes I’m getting Techno. He’ll carry your ass down.”

Downstairs, you shambled into the kitchen past the table and poured yourself a cup of coffee. Your family silently watched you before the conversation started back up again. You plopped down next to Wilbur and sipped at your coffee deliriously. He eyed you in concern, “you okay?” You hummed and poked at your eggs. You didn’t feel hungry at all. “You su-”

“Yes, I’m sure Wilbur.” You glanced at him from the corner of your eye and returned to your coffee. After your fourth cup of coffee you were cut off by a concerned Philza. Even after four cups of coffee, you still felt slightly physically drained and it showed in your sluggish movements. Your day went by with you holding in your frustration and anger from everybody constantly asking if you were okay. Days of holding in explosions passed with them finally leaving you alone. However, that did nothing to alleviate your bottled up frustrations.

Techno was sitting on the couch reading a book while Wilbur was sitting in the chair across the room trying to find the lyrics of his next song. Philza was in the kitchen doing who knows what. You were currently walking up to Tommy’s room to say hi to your old friends Tubbo and Ranboo after getting home from a trip to another village. 

That trip was rough for you but not as rough as the one a few days prior; you could only stand so much fear filled and hateful staring after all. Your creeper features consisting of pitch black irises and dark gray sclera, a mop of dark green hair, and green freckles sprayed randomly across your skin was definitely an attention grabber for anyone. A few of the kids even threw rotten tomatoes and stones at you, it was so hard holding in explosions by the time you left that you just felt very overwhelmed. Hanging out around the self proclaimed ‘bench trio’ always enough to calm you down from a rough day. Mellohi’s muffled relaxed beat makes the corners of your lips twitch into a small smile. 

However just as you opened the door to Tommy’s room, you could hear their conversation end. “Hey guys, how’re-”

A yelp left your throat as something very cold drenched your body. An iron bucket came tumbling down and hit your head before falling to the floor with a clank. The pressure that has been building up in your chest increased tenfold, but you closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and turned to walk to your room for a change of clothes. Behind you, you heard Tommy laughing hysterically while Tubbo tried to apologize between his own laughter. You didn’t even have to look at Ranboo to know that he was guiltily fiddling with his sleeves as his tail flicked back and forth sharply. 

After you went into your room, you grabbed your pillow and screamed as loud as you could into it to blow off some steam. After that didn’t work, you tried punching the pillow relentlessly but that didn’t work. You could still feel pressure and energy inside your chest lingering and threatening to burst. 

You sighed and made your way downstairs walking past Tommy’s door. You could now hear Ranboo laughing with them, and that just made you even more angry than you were before. 

Everything around you was pissing you off. Philza’s wings fluttering behind him subconsciously, Technoblade’s little ‘heh’’s as he read something that caught him off guard in his book, Wilbur���s humming and mumbling to himself as he composed his next song, Tommy’s, Ranboo’s, and Tubbo’s loud laughter echoing from Tommy’s room. Every little sound was enough to send you over the edge. Just as you were about to leave the house to calm down again, a knock sounded at the door.

Philza gently pushed you behind him with furrowed brows and a hand on the sword hung around his hip. Techno’s book snapped shut as he stood up to grab his axe while Wilbur walked over to you and put a protective hand on your shoulder. You understood why they were cautious; you didn’t normally get visitors and the last time the house did, it was someone that decided to try and attack Technoblade on sight when he opened the door screaming about how hybrids aren’t natural. Keyword: tried. Techno absolutely would’ve killed him if it wasn’t for Philza holding him back. 

You felt anxiety creep up inside you as you fought against the small hisses trying to escape your mouth. The door opened slowly to reveal the store owner from a few days ago. His eyes hardened when he saw the wings sprouting from Philza’s back before his eyes flicked to you. He did not look happy to see you behind your dad’s massive wings. Without another word, you turned and ran up to your room when you felt the pressure become almost unbearable. 

You ran past Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo who were leaving Tommy’s room with hesitance. You didn’t respond when they tried to stop you. Slamming your door closed, you sat on your bed with your head clutched in your hands desperately trying to fight against the pressure building up. Small pops sounded on your skin as you grit your teeth in concentration. You could hear knocking at your door, thank god you locked it behind you. You had no idea how long you were sitting there trying to hold it back.

When the pressure became too much and you felt yourself losing grip on your control, you knew you needed to get out of the house as soon as possible. This was going to be a huge explosion, probably the biggest one you were going to do. The loud continuous hiss that left your throat was something you weren’t actively doing, another telltale sign that you were about to explode. You ripped open the door, pulled yourself from Tommy’s grasp, and ran as fast as you could downstairs. Philza followed you with a furious expression when he saw you, the store owner seemingly having left. 

“(Y/n), what in the hell did you do?” He grabbed your arm and pulled you to the living room. You tried your hardest to pull out of his grasp, but he was holding on too tight. The hissing had gotten slightly louder, but you moved a hand up to your mouth to try and muffle it. He sat you down on the couch and started pacing in front of you, his feathers puffed up angrily. Wilbur and Techno were eyeing you warily from across the room. 

“What were you thinking, blowing up his store like that? Were you even thinking? Cuz that was stupid (y/n). Hybrids get enough bad rap, and you go and pull this?!”

“Dad-”

“Not now Wilbur. As I was saying, you could’ve killed someone! What would you do then-”

“Dad,” Techno’s assertive tone stopped Philza in his tracks as he ran a hand down his face. “What could you possibly want right now, boys?”

“(Y/n)’s gonna explode soon.” Wilbur hurried over to you and helped you up. You could hear the three younger boys’ steps thundering down the stairs. By now, you were visibly shaking and sweating with the effort of holding explosions back. You could see the glowing of your freckles through the reflection of Wilbur’s glasses. 

“Shit,” Philza sounded panicked in that moment as Wilbur ushered you out of the house and into the forest. You pushed him away and stumbled your way deeper into the forest. You heard them attempting to follow you, but you gestured for them to get back. You had no idea how big this one was going to be, but it was definitely going to be large. 

You ran deeper into the forest until you couldn’t hold it back anymore. Leaning against a tree, you finally let yourself explode. This one was painful; your skin burned with every pop that emanated from your freckles, the burning making your free nerve endings scream at you. The last thing you saw was a wave of dirt splashing up before you blacked out. 

You were in and out of consciousness for the next week or so. Whenever you would wake up slightly, it would only be for a couple moments before you would pass out again. It was in those moments that the pain and the lack of energy hit you at full force. You supposed being unconscious was better than the mental and physical fog and the pain. 

By the time you fully woke up, your senses were slightly hyperactive, but nowhere near how you felt when you blew up that store. You reached up with a heavy hand to wipe at your crusty eyes before you heard rustling next to you. You looked over to see Philza standing at the door with a glass of water in his hand. When he saw that you were awake, he rushed to your side and helped you sit up. You took the water gratefully and drank it, the liquid refreshed your dry throat. 

“How’re you feeling?” 

“Tired and a little sore. How long was I out for?”

“About a week, you really worried us. That was a really big one. Do you know why it was so big?”

You nodded and looked down at the water in your hands, swirling it around the glass. You didn’t want to tell him about feeling angry and overwhelmed at every little thing around you the past few days. You felt guilty at that, they were just trying to live their lives while you were cursing them for merely existing. A finger under your chin made you look up at Philza. His eyes were full of gentleness and empathy, “c’mon, you can tell me. I want to help you.”

“I don’t know where to start.”

“Start wherever you feel comfortable. Take as much time as you need.” He sat on the edge of your bed and looked around your room while he waited. You took a second to gather your thoughts before you took a deep breath. Philza perked up and diverted his full attention to you. 

“It started when I first blew up that guy’s store. I swear it was an accident that time, a cat snuck up on me and rubbed on me,” you shuddered, small hisses leaving your mouth. “The guy came out and picked me up by my shirt. He called us some names so I kinda got mad and blew up on purpose.”

“‘Us’?”

You nodded, “hybrids. He said that ‘our kind’ destroys everything.” You glared at the glass in your hands, hissing in contempt and watching the freckles dully glow green. “He called us ‘filthy mutts’ and freaks, Dad.” Philza looked slightly peeved at the name calling, “still, you shouldn’t’ve blown up on him. You could’ve killed him, (y/n).”

“So you’re saying that it’s okay for him to call us slurs? Should we just let people slander us?” You narrowed your eyes at him. He shook his head, his medium length blond hair swaying with the movement. “Hell no, I’m not saying that at all. You should never let someone call you things, but violence is never the answer.”

You huffed, crossing your arms, “frankly, he deserved what was coming to him. I just wish he didn’t throw me before I could blow up.” 

“Hold on, he fucking threw you?” You nodded and watched his eyes darken and anger flash across his face, “violence is sometimes the answer then. Did he hurt you?” 

“No, but I just felt so… so drained. But so overwhelmed at the same time. I’ve never exploded twice in the same day before.”

He hummed in realization, “so that’s why you slept through most of the day. Sorry, go on.”

“After Tommy woke me up everything just felt worse. It was like everything around me was amplified. It was hell, the last few days I was just hyper aware of everything and it was pissing me off. Every little thing drove me crazy, I could feel myself getting closer and closer to exploding but I held it back until I couldn’t anymore.” 

“(Y/n), you know that’s not healthy… I talked to Sam, you remember right?” You shook your head, “well, he was an old friend of Wilbur’s. He used to come here all the time before he had to move away. He’s a creeper hybrid like you,” he chuckled when you perked up, “he gave me some advice on your anatomy when you were growing up. Anyways, he told me that sensory overload is common when you explode. He said that it’s normal to feel drained afterwards and to definitely get plenty of sleep. The sensory issues apparently get worse if your rest is interrupted, so that was probably why you felt overwhelmed in the past few days… He also told me that it really isn’t healthy to explode more than once a day or to hold it in for longer than necessary. Please just come to me if you’re feeling overwhelmed again or if you need to rest after exploding. I can even build you an obsidian building where you could go and not blow up anything.”

“...I’d like that. What- what else did he tell you?” Philza chuckled and started to tell you more about what Sam told him about his anatomy. He even gave you Sam’s comms contact so you could contact him if you had any questions or wanted some advice. He was a nice man when you talked to him, always having an answer for your questions. You even found old pictures of you as a baby following him around. Apparently you could tell that he was part creeper; wherever he was in the house, you were bound to be near him.

The rest of the day, you hung out with the rest of your family and the bench trio. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Techno wasn’t one for open affection, being the type to give you little trinkets and giving you suggestions on what to read next. Every time you woke up, you would find small objects ranging from gold to emeralds and books on your nightstand. He would vehemently deny being the one that gave you the items, but you and the rest of the family knew better. Sometimes, he would drop into your room to ask you what you thought of the book and have a thorough discussion about it with you while you were recovering. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You leaned against Wilbur’s side with his arm wrapped around you. The hand that was around you was rubbing circles into your shoulder. After he scolded you for bottling up your emotions, he climbed into your bed and pulled you to his side. Small hums left his throat. 

“(Y/n)?” You hummed, your eyes half lidded and almost about to fall asleep. “Would you mind if I wrote a song about you? It would fit with the next album’s theme.” 

“Knock yourself out.” Your words were slightly slurred as you nuzzled closer to him. He laughed a bit, the sound being muffled and reverberating his chest. “Get some sleep. I’ll brainstorm some ideas to run by you before you wake up.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hanging out with the self proclaimed ‘bench trio’ was always fun, even if you were on strict orders to stay in bed by Dadza. Nobody argues with a concerned Dadza, but they found other ways to hang out with you. Tommy had moved his jukebox into your room and was playing cat, the music soothing you immensely and putting an end to your worries. However, what didn’t soothe you was the card game in front of you. 

You were watching in horror as everybody put down a plus two card stacking the amount the victim would have to draw. So far, the plus two streak had already gone around the circle once and is now going around once more. It was nearing your turn and it was with great horror that you realized you didn’t have a color changing card or a plus two card. The two cards in your hand felt heavy as you watched Ranboo pull out another card.

“Please Ranboo, I’ll do anything. Don’t put that card down.” You watched as his ears twitched before he smiled innocently at you, putting the card down and laughing at you when you started the long process of drawing fourteen cards and sorting them. 

“Sorry, my hand slipped.”

“Get fucked (y/n)!” Tommy cackled at you. You flipped him off before you went back to sorting the cards. Tubbo put down a plus four color changing card and smiled at Tommy. 

“Sorry Tommy, but uno and the color is now red!”

“Goddamnit Tubbo! That’s the one color I don’t have,” he grumbled and drew four cards. Ranboo smiled triumphantly and put down his last card before showing you his empty hands. “What?! You didn’t even say uno!” You eyed his smug smile with disbelief. 

“You guys didn’t call me on it though.”

“That’s not the rules, Ranboo! You have to say uno!” Tommy argued. Long story short, the rules had to be looked up and the family had to be consulted before your group came to the conclusion that you in fact do not have to call out uno and the other players could call them out on it. Eventually after a few tense games, the three were sitting on your bed. Ranboo had some difficulty with it due to his height, but he managed with his legs crossed. 

“(Y/n) do you reckon you could become charged if you were hit by lightning?”

“Tubbo, you’re a genius,” Tommy breathed out, “let’s go see!” 

“No, you will not go see. Sit back down.” Wilbur called out as he passed your room. The group slumped slightly. “We’ll see when I get better. Mark my words, the next thunderstorm that happens I will see if I can be charged.” You whispered to them, your eyes glinting with mischief. 

“I don’t really think that’s a good idea.”

“Of course it is, Ranboo. It probably won’t kill them.”

“Probably?” Ranboo raised an eyebrow at Tommy’s nonchalant answer. “Yes, probably.”

“I still have three lives left. If I die, I die.” You wove a hand in the air as you spoke and watched as Tubbo nodded in agreement. “Do it for science, (y/n).”

“Oh I will. For science!” You raised your water glass in the air and Tommy and Tubbo followed suit with wide smiles. “For science!”

You three turned to stare at a deadpanning Ranboo. He sighed before he raised his glass of milk and let out a monotone “for science.” You, Tommy, and Tubbo cheered as you clanked your glasses together. You could see a hint of a fond smile on Ranboo’s face as he watched you three chug your waters before he downed his milk in one swallow. 

You smirked at them and leaned close, talking lowly so that anyone passing by wouldn’t overhear you. “So, what’s our plan?”

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