#they are all a little gay even the straight ones

[cjlouwho]

Twelve Christmases

Chapter tags: Michael returns, implied homophobia

read below or on ao3

Day 8: 2017

Tommy hadn't stepped foot in his hometown in fifteen years.

And when he did return home, he hadn't planned on saying much.

He planned on sitting back and watching his father be a disaster with his new family.

A stepmother of eight years that he'd never met.

A stepsister and two stepbrothers he couldn't tell you the names of.

Step nieces and nephews and cousins. Tons of people for his dad to embarrass himself in front of on Christmas day.

What he didn't expect was for them to all be so damn happy.

His stepmom, Tina, laughing and giggling with Michael by her side.

His step siblings giving him a hug.

The kids all running to him, calling him grandpa.

Not a bottle of beer in sight.

It filled Tommy with a rage he hadn't felt in years.

And it caused him to blurt out the one thing he'd only just been able to admit to himself a few months earlier.

“I'm gay.”

The room fell silent, everyone gathered at the table for Christmas dinner. All eyes were on Tommy as he stared down his dad as though he were daring him to react.

The seconds ticking by felt like hours.

“Hm,” Michael finally breathed out. He picked his fork up, motioning around the table. “Come on now, let's eat, food's gettin' cold.”

The silence faded away with the sounds of utensils clanging on dishes, and whispered conversations picking up between guests.

Tommy continued to watch his dad, who was smiling over at Tina as they spoke to one another.

“Hey, congrats,” one of Tommy's stepbrothers (Sam, he thinks), leaned over and said to him.

“Are you congratulating me for being gay?” Tommy deadpanned.

“No, just for like, coming out or whatever. I know- or, well, I've heard- that it's like, ya know, tough and stuff.”

Tommy had to fight back every retort that was popping into his brain. “Yeah,” he agreed. “It's real tough and stuff.”

Then Sam (or is it Jim? Henry? Steve?) reached out and patted his shoulder. “Proud of you, Bro.”

Tommy wished his eyes were laser beams that he could use to shoot directly at the hand Sam-Jim-Henry-Steve touched him with.

Instead, he plastered on a smile. “Thanks.”

*****

They didn't get another chance to speak until everyone else had left. Tina went to get a shower and Tommy found himself in the living room with his dad.

“So?” he started, not bothering to sit. “What have you been holding in?”

Michael, who had been focused on the TV, muted it before turning to look over at Tommy. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“There it is.”

“You don't come around for fifteen damn years and when you finally do, you act like an ass all day long. We sit down for a nice dinner and you say something like that?” he shook his head. “I don't even know what to think of you.”

“I wasn't acting like an ass all day,” Tommy defended. “I've been so unbelievably confused by whatever game you've been playing! Who the hell even are you?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“I have never, not once, seen you sober on Christmas. Hell, I never really saw you on Christmas at all. When I did, it was a nightmare! You certainly weren't picking me up and spinning me around like you did those kids today. It's all some weird ass show you're putting on.”

“Hey!” Michael stood, standing face to face with his son. “It is not a show. I love that woman and all the people that come with her!”

“So that's what this is? You just never loved mom? Or me?”

“Your mom was weak, Tommy! She didn't know what I needed.”

“No, that was the problem!” Tommy yelled, poking at Michael's chest, “She was only ever here for what you needed!”

Michael smacked Tommy's hand away. “We're not talking about this right now. We're gonna talk about that- that lie you told at dinner just to try and upset me.”

Tommy stood up straight, his heart pounding. “It's not a lie. I'm gay.”

“No, you're not.”

“I think I'd know a little better than you.”

“I will not...” Michael's voice trailed off as he breathed heavily through his nose. Tommy was pretty sure fire would be coming out if that were possible.

“What?” Tommy taunted. “You will not what?”

“I want you out of my house,” Michael said, teeth gritted together. “I don't need you around my family.”

Tommy huffed out a laugh. “Around your family? What am I then, Dad?”

“An embarrassment!” Michael screamed, no hesitation.

Tommy pursed his lips, nodding. “Now that's the dad I know,” he said, his voice wavering slightly. “I'll get my stuff, leave tonight.”

As he left the living room and headed down the hall, he stopped when he saw Tina standing in the doorway of the main bedroom. It was just like his mom used to do all those years ago.

“Tommy,” she said, her voice quiet, sad. “You don't have to go tonight. You can stay.”

Tommy shook his head. “No, I'm not gonna stay. Thank you though.”

He continued toward his childhood bedroom to grab his things. He'd never really unpacked anyway.

“I didn't know,” she said, stopping him again. He turned back to her. “I've never heard him like that before.”

He smiled at her sadly. “It's okay,” he assured her. “I have.”

[unavailableapple]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I have many friends in my adult life but I came out as a lesbian when I was very young and so I didn’t have any friendships in childhood. This is not an experience any gay or bisexual man I know shares. They all express having many friends both female and male throughout high school and even middle school. Yet they admonish their female friends for “wanting a gay best friend” when they can’t understand my upset at men who only befriend me in the hopes of having sex with me.

Women often have little problem holding friendships with a man who is gay or bisexual. They do not have this same energy for women who are gay or bisexual. Straight female friends often (even nowadays) treat me like a man. They go shopping and I hold their bags, they get their nails done and I wait outside, etc. As a child, they just treated me as though I had some awful communicable disease. Men who want to be friends with me want to have sex exclusively. There is never another reason. Every single one thinks they can change me. Women do not look to ‘change’ gay men.

Like…DOES patriarchy hurt men though? There certain ways that it does but I feel like a lot of people insist it hurts men MORE. And uh…does it though?

-They have to be the breadwinner. Except they don’t…most households in the United States are two-income. It’s very difficult to have a one-income household in the modern climate of the economy. And women who still work as much as their husbands also have to come home and cook, clean, care for children, do laundry, etc.

-They aren’t allowed to dress fun. Except they are? Harry Styles gets on the cover of magazines for wearing an ugly dress. Movies like Wicked repeatedly show men in skirts. Social media is full of men wearing makeup and cute outfits and heels. I feel it’s become pretty normalized now for men to dress how they like. It’s just also normalized for them to dress comfortably, whereas I get a ridiculous amount of pushback for wearing pants, no makeup, not shaving my legs, and having short hair.

-They aren’t allowed to show emotions. Except they are? How many times has a video gone viral of a man crying because he loves his kids. All television, movies, books, etc are ever about is men’s feelings. Philosophy pretty much boils down to “men are sad��. The male loneliness epidemic is all I ever hear about…

-Men aren’t allowed to be gay. Neither are women???? I keep seeing this idea that women have an easier time being gay because they’re fetishized so much, whereas gay men are just treated as gross and weird. Sorry but like…no. Being treated like a porn search is not acceptance.

When men do experience hatred for being gay, wearing pink, or crying it’s literally because those things are womanly. Having sex with men is associated with women (that’s why “it’s not gay if you top”), pink is the “girl” color, crying is “feminine” aka WEAK. It all just reinforces the same thing: ‘woman’ is the worst thing to be.

But men are the victims here?

[cowboyjen68]

Hello, Jen! I hope you’re having a lovely day today. 💞

I’m not sure if you’ve ever experienced this, but I feel like there’s a specific kind of loneliness that comes with being a lesbian. Having a sexuality that stems from the absence of men makes me feel very removed from other people, sometimes even other queer people. Have you ever felt that way? How do you handle that? As much as I love being a lesbian, sometimes I yearn to be attracted to men just so I feel a little less lonely.

I would say I have felt the isolation and loneliness you are talking about even in LGBT+ spaces.

In high school many of the girls around me were "boy crazy" and they were at once made to feel bad for that and praised. It was weird to me as I watched them talk about how great boys were only to also hear them in secret being grossed our OR worse, scared of the boys they publicly "chased".

Since I felt the no real need get the attention of boys but knew it was expected I thought it was a phase. That we were all like of faking it until the attraction was real. That set me up to very often second guess any feelings of sexuality towards women, thinking it was me misinterpreting the way everything was supposed to play out.

As I got older most of my friends in college were gay men or women who dated women but did NOT use lesbian and almost all of them them went on to marry men while the gay men continued on as gay men. This made me feel like perhaps I was the odd one out. I did have an RA who was out and open but I was skeptical I could ever be as brave or confident in my sexuality as she was. What happens if I too was in a phase and had to leave behind any woman I formed a relationship with only to grow up and marry a man?

I literally was waiting for the "phase" my mom and my peers and media was telling me I was in to finally end. Thankfully (because I LOVE being a lesbian) it was not a phase. The phase we being unsure and repressed about it.

The good news that I can impart from experience is that the more lesbians you meet the more you see that you are not alone and we can experience different things and still deeply connect on our sexuality. It gets less lonely as you get more life under your belt and truly love your sexuality as a lesbian for things that media can't explain but other lesbians can. The deep connection to women, the intimacy that is mutual and so warm it makes your entire body and mind content while in each other's arms.

I used to want to be straight just because it looked easier and safer. Now I would take on hell or high water to stay just as a I am.

[zoeysdamn]

Shoutout to whoever had made this sign I saw at the Paris Pride ; you know your shit and I love you

(the Lodge of sorceresses should be sponsoring every pride istg)

[theonethatyaks93]

One of my favorite parts about season 3 of the Animaniacs reboot was how they turned up Pinky's queer factor from 10 to 100. They just fully embraced the "Pinky is gay" angle and I thank them from it heavily. I mean, I kinda knew that Pinky had something going on before this but season 3 just fully convinced me. Just his mannerisms and the way he interacted with Brain felt different and more strongly hinted of his queer nature. Brinky is canon to me, at least on Pinky's end. Honestly, I loved it so much for that fact and how they weren't trying to hide Pinky's more LGBTQ+ characteristics this season. Brain was kinda the same thing too, where they basically just said, "fine, we'll make Brain gay too." Just a small detail I noticed from this season!

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay

[thewrongmoon]

Can I say something. I don’t think any mlvn kiss has been… super dramatic? Like not their first one certainly. Like they were in a school cafeteria and El asked if they would be like siblings. And then mike kinda just kissed her. I think if you removed the score in the bg it would be more anti climactic than it already was.

Like I think ppl are forgetting how mlvn actually happened. Their entire relationship felt kinda juvenile in the grand scheme of things. The most dramatic thing that happened was Mike’s love confession. I think Mike has more of a “acts at the very last minute” problem.

The jopper and jancy kisses were very dramatic, passionate, a moment that made the viewers go “FINALLY.” To say that a byler kiss NEEDS to be soft and low stakes or it would be “too much like mlvn” is so weird and honestly completely untrue imo. And I personally am someone who would prefer a more soft confession/kiss scene.

[xylophone888]

(this is a repost because i think i accidentally deleted the original post :/)

fun (actually quite sad and not fun whatsoever) fact: when rincewind described what he thought was a crush on conina to himself he only listed physical "symptoms" such as fast heartbeat, feeling too hot to a "molten iron" extent and sweaty palms; he never brought up or even tried to bring up psychological stuff like being drawn to the person you have a crush on or finding some of their features or interests attractive or even something like wanting to get to know them better

he only found physical symptoms that could correspond to many different things other than infatuation and i personally think he just said to himself "well she's a woman and im a man and men are attracted to women right? therefore all this i feel must mean that im attracted to her, can't imagine anything else" but actually if you look at the aforementioned symptoms a little closer....i honestly am of the opinion he was just constantly stressed and anxious and scared on such a deep level already that he couldn't understand why was he feeling all that so he went for the only explanation available; he got so used to fear and anxiety he stopped noticing it and when it expectedly produced bad physical symptoms he already stopped even thinking about the fact that he's afraid and anxious because it became the default state of being to him; he forgot that feeling the way he feels all the time isn't normal

[goblin-enjoyer]

*draws something for the first time in a while. “Man I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!”

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

*doesn’t draw

“Oh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!” Loop post

[bolszaja-miedwedica]

"i make out with my friends daily minsung aint shit"

im??? flabbergasted

[kyuala]

SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

[townslore]

discovery of the day

[poppyseed799]

I think one of the weirdest signs that I was trans was that I was fine with being called a woman but NOT a cis woman. I felt awful cuz I was like “do I have a problem with people calling me cis even tho I am???” cuz I am NOT someone who minds being called accurate descriptors such as cis. I felt like I just wanted to be special or something even tho that wasn’t it and felt so bad. Something just felt really wrong about being called a CIS woman. Definitely one of the more thought provoking signs I was trans lol

[dysaniadisorder]

i am so sick of all in-community homophobia & transphobia being blamed on teenagers shut the fuck up i was raised by a butch woman do u know the amount of 25-year-olds who have claimed to be elders and told me not to use neos or say the word queer. a lot ok

[the-acid-pear]

Said this on my liveblog but I gotta say this here too, the way Berdly's crush on Susie is handled is, so fucking good. So much so it upsets me how the fandom treats it, because from Berdly's pov it's so damn genuine... So much so he's SHY about it gamer teen experiences crush for the first time and is crushed and humbled by it. Like there's something so funny and cute about Susie accidentally making these two nerds go thru a whole character arc by virtue of being hot and THE WHOLE TIME she doesn't fully realize that's what's going on. I just honestly love it and I love Berdly so much ....

[callixton]

bro why can’t anyone ever just want to fuck around w me