#they are all a little gay even the straight ones
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cjlouwho · 2 days ago
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Twelve Christmases
Chapter tags: Michael returns, implied homophobia
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Day 8: 2017
Tommy hadn't stepped foot in his hometown in fifteen years.
And when he did return home, he hadn't planned on saying much.
He planned on sitting back and watching his father be a disaster with his new family.
A stepmother of eight years that he'd never met.
A stepsister and two stepbrothers he couldn't tell you the names of.
Step nieces and nephews and cousins. Tons of people for his dad to embarrass himself in front of on Christmas day.
What he didn't expect was for them to all be so damn happy.
His stepmom, Tina, laughing and giggling with Michael by her side.
His step siblings giving him a hug.
The kids all running to him, calling him grandpa.
Not a bottle of beer in sight.
It filled Tommy with a rage he hadn't felt in years.
And it caused him to blurt out the one thing he'd only just been able to admit to himself a few months earlier.
“I'm gay.”
The room fell silent, everyone gathered at the table for Christmas dinner. All eyes were on Tommy as he stared down his dad as though he were daring him to react.
The seconds ticking by felt like hours.
“Hm,” Michael finally breathed out. He picked his fork up, motioning around the table. “Come on now, let's eat, food's gettin' cold.”
The silence faded away with the sounds of utensils clanging on dishes, and whispered conversations picking up between guests.
Tommy continued to watch his dad, who was smiling over at Tina as they spoke to one another.
“Hey, congrats,” one of Tommy's stepbrothers (Sam, he thinks), leaned over and said to him.
“Are you congratulating me for being gay?” Tommy deadpanned.
“No, just for like, coming out or whatever. I know- or, well, I've heard- that it's like, ya know, tough and stuff.”
Tommy had to fight back every retort that was popping into his brain. “Yeah,” he agreed. “It's real tough and stuff.”
Then Sam (or is it Jim? Henry? Steve?) reached out and patted his shoulder. “Proud of you, Bro.”
Tommy wished his eyes were laser beams that he could use to shoot directly at the hand Sam-Jim-Henry-Steve touched him with.
Instead, he plastered on a smile. “Thanks.”
*****
They didn't get another chance to speak until everyone else had left. Tina went to get a shower and Tommy found himself in the living room with his dad.
“So?” he started, not bothering to sit. “What have you been holding in?”
Michael, who had been focused on the TV, muted it before turning to look over at Tommy. “What the hell were you thinking?”
“There it is.”
“You don't come around for fifteen damn years and when you finally do, you act like an ass all day long. We sit down for a nice dinner and you say something like that?” he shook his head. “I don't even know what to think of you.”
“I wasn't acting like an ass all day,” Tommy defended. “I've been so unbelievably confused by whatever game you've been playing! Who the hell even are you?”
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
“I have never, not once, seen you sober on Christmas. Hell, I never really saw you on Christmas at all. When I did, it was a nightmare! You certainly weren't picking me up and spinning me around like you did those kids today. It's all some weird ass show you're putting on.”
“Hey!” Michael stood, standing face to face with his son. “It is not a show. I love that woman and all the people that come with her!”
“So that's what this is? You just never loved mom? Or me?”
“Your mom was weak, Tommy! She didn't know what I needed.”
“No, that was the problem!” Tommy yelled, poking at Michael's chest, “She was only ever here for what you needed!”
Michael smacked Tommy's hand away. “We're not talking about this right now. We're gonna talk about that- that lie you told at dinner just to try and upset me.”
Tommy stood up straight, his heart pounding. “It's not a lie. I'm gay.”
“No, you're not.”
“I think I'd know a little better than you.”
“I will not...” Michael's voice trailed off as he breathed heavily through his nose. Tommy was pretty sure fire would be coming out if that were possible.
“What?” Tommy taunted. “You will not what?”
“I want you out of my house,” Michael said, teeth gritted together. “I don't need you around my family.”
Tommy huffed out a laugh. “Around your family? What am I then, Dad?”
“An embarrassment!” Michael screamed, no hesitation.
Tommy pursed his lips, nodding. “Now that's the dad I know,” he said, his voice wavering slightly. “I'll get my stuff, leave tonight.”
As he left the living room and headed down the hall, he stopped when he saw Tina standing in the doorway of the main bedroom. It was just like his mom used to do all those years ago.
“Tommy,” she said, her voice quiet, sad. “You don't have to go tonight. You can stay.”
Tommy shook his head. “No, I'm not gonna stay. Thank you though.”
He continued toward his childhood bedroom to grab his things. He'd never really unpacked anyway.
“I didn't know,” she said, stopping him again. He turned back to her. “I've never heard him like that before.”
He smiled at her sadly. “It's okay,” he assured her. “I have.”
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unavailableapple · 10 hours ago
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I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I have many friends in my adult life but I came out as a lesbian when I was very young and so I didn’t have any friendships in childhood. This is not an experience any gay or bisexual man I know shares. They all express having many friends both female and male throughout high school and even middle school. Yet they admonish their female friends for “wanting a gay best friend” when they can’t understand my upset at men who only befriend me in the hopes of having sex with me.
Women often have little problem holding friendships with a man who is gay or bisexual. They do not have this same energy for women who are gay or bisexual. Straight female friends often (even nowadays) treat me like a man. They go shopping and I hold their bags, they get their nails done and I wait outside, etc. As a child, they just treated me as though I had some awful communicable disease. Men who want to be friends with me want to have sex exclusively. There is never another reason. Every single one thinks they can change me. Women do not look to ‘change’ gay men.
Like…DOES patriarchy hurt men though? There certain ways that it does but I feel like a lot of people insist it hurts men MORE. And uh…does it though?
-They have to be the breadwinner. Except they don’t…most households in the United States are two-income. It’s very difficult to have a one-income household in the modern climate of the economy. And women who still work as much as their husbands also have to come home and cook, clean, care for children, do laundry, etc.
-They aren’t allowed to dress fun. Except they are? Harry Styles gets on the cover of magazines for wearing an ugly dress. Movies like Wicked repeatedly show men in skirts. Social media is full of men wearing makeup and cute outfits and heels. I feel it’s become pretty normalized now for men to dress how they like. It’s just also normalized for them to dress comfortably, whereas I get a ridiculous amount of pushback for wearing pants, no makeup, not shaving my legs, and having short hair.
-They aren’t allowed to show emotions. Except they are? How many times has a video gone viral of a man crying because he loves his kids. All television, movies, books, etc are ever about is men’s feelings. Philosophy pretty much boils down to “men are sad��. The male loneliness epidemic is all I ever hear about…
-Men aren’t allowed to be gay. Neither are women???? I keep seeing this idea that women have an easier time being gay because they’re fetishized so much, whereas gay men are just treated as gross and weird. Sorry but like…no. Being treated like a porn search is not acceptance.
When men do experience hatred for being gay, wearing pink, or crying it’s literally because those things are womanly. Having sex with men is associated with women (that’s why “it’s not gay if you top”), pink is the “girl” color, crying is “feminine” aka WEAK. It all just reinforces the same thing: ‘woman’ is the worst thing to be.
But men are the victims here?
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cowboyjen68 · 1 day ago
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Hello, Jen! I hope you’re having a lovely day today. 💞
I’m not sure if you’ve ever experienced this, but I feel like there’s a specific kind of loneliness that comes with being a lesbian. Having a sexuality that stems from the absence of men makes me feel very removed from other people, sometimes even other queer people. Have you ever felt that way? How do you handle that? As much as I love being a lesbian, sometimes I yearn to be attracted to men just so I feel a little less lonely.
I would say I have felt the isolation and loneliness you are talking about even in LGBT+ spaces.
In high school many of the girls around me were "boy crazy" and they were at once made to feel bad for that and praised. It was weird to me as I watched them talk about how great boys were only to also hear them in secret being grossed our OR worse, scared of the boys they publicly "chased".
Since I felt the no real need get the attention of boys but knew it was expected I thought it was a phase. That we were all like of faking it until the attraction was real. That set me up to very often second guess any feelings of sexuality towards women, thinking it was me misinterpreting the way everything was supposed to play out.
As I got older most of my friends in college were gay men or women who dated women but did NOT use lesbian and almost all of them them went on to marry men while the gay men continued on as gay men. This made me feel like perhaps I was the odd one out. I did have an RA who was out and open but I was skeptical I could ever be as brave or confident in my sexuality as she was. What happens if I too was in a phase and had to leave behind any woman I formed a relationship with only to grow up and marry a man?
I literally was waiting for the "phase" my mom and my peers and media was telling me I was in to finally end. Thankfully (because I LOVE being a lesbian) it was not a phase. The phase we being unsure and repressed about it.
The good news that I can impart from experience is that the more lesbians you meet the more you see that you are not alone and we can experience different things and still deeply connect on our sexuality. It gets less lonely as you get more life under your belt and truly love your sexuality as a lesbian for things that media can't explain but other lesbians can. The deep connection to women, the intimacy that is mutual and so warm it makes your entire body and mind content while in each other's arms.
I used to want to be straight just because it looked easier and safer. Now I would take on hell or high water to stay just as a I am.
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zoeysdamn · 6 months ago
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Shoutout to whoever had made this sign I saw at the Paris Pride ; you know your shit and I love you
(the Lodge of sorceresses should be sponsoring every pride istg)
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theonethatyaks93 · 11 months ago
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One of my favorite parts about season 3 of the Animaniacs reboot was how they turned up Pinky's queer factor from 10 to 100. They just fully embraced the "Pinky is gay" angle and I thank them from it heavily. I mean, I kinda knew that Pinky had something going on before this but season 3 just fully convinced me. Just his mannerisms and the way he interacted with Brain felt different and more strongly hinted of his queer nature. Brinky is canon to me, at least on Pinky's end. Honestly, I loved it so much for that fact and how they weren't trying to hide Pinky's more LGBTQ+ characteristics this season. Brain was kinda the same thing too, where they basically just said, "fine, we'll make Brain gay too." Just a small detail I noticed from this season!
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Of my 2% capacity to be attracted to anyone, my type is like 90% women, 5% pretty men and 5% men you would swear are super fucking manly, and never questioned being straight and cis, but are now suddenly *stressed* that they can't figure out why their attraction to me [fully socially interpreted as a woman and labelled that way up until relatively recently] feels incredibly fucking gay
#you are a straight man correct? Yes. Attracted to someone you view as a woman correct? Yes... But you are afraid that makes you gay?#Afraid is a strong word but also stop asking stupid questions#The end result is I tend to date a lot of men who either then realize they are women or bi or gay and I am there when they are taking out#the messiest parts of that on whoever they are with at the time#and on one hand it means I created a space that made them feel safe enough to self examine#but on the other hand I'm their last stop when the fallout hits#OR they just realize they find the expectations put on them for masculinity to be really oppressive even negligent or abusive#I would say I need to adjust my strategy and stop trying to 'woo' men the same way I don't actually -flirt- with women#but I have already solved this problem by refusing to date ever again#The retrospective is funny though#The problem is I am attracted to men in a gay way and to women in a gay way but no one tells you the consequence of that and looking#like a pretty butch is that it really confuses the straight guys#Like why is this guy who's usually hmmm... as dom and masc as you would imagine suddenly in my lap and red and having entire feelings#about the way I am holding his hip? He doesn't knoww either and he's really pressed about it#And that thing messy lesbians do where they act jealous of you and also like they want to fuck you at the same time that looks like a red#flag from hell? Imagine dragging that out of unsuspecting straight guys -menTM-#They don't know why they are acting like that around me either but it's going to go one of two ways#either it will seem overtly threatening and aggressive to everyone involved including themselves or they'll have enough social sense#and tact to be playful about it but still not be sure if they are flirting or whether they like me at all#I have patience for one of those and unfortunately[?] it's the guy who's in my lap looks like he's being tortured and can't find his footin#not the guy telling me how much he's going to beat my ass at some game and I am going to like it or some macho bullshit#And I will be oblivious for the first 50% of it#because if there are gods they are cruel#He never realized he's actually the little spoon be nice and give him a minute#He can't tell me he likes me if he doesn't know he likes me but I opened a jar for him and asked him about his feelings and now he's warm#I actually ended up never dating many women at all because of weird lesbian mixed signals and things#At least not while they were women#I don't flirt or make friends I just decide that people are mine and start taking care of them [while respecting their autonomy and shit]#and I am starting to think this is how I make problems for myself#yes I am playing 5-d chess with gender and am now a he/they but it is not what it is cracked up to be
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thewrongmoon · 2 years ago
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Can I say something. I don’t think any mlvn kiss has been… super dramatic? Like not their first one certainly. Like they were in a school cafeteria and El asked if they would be like siblings. And then mike kinda just kissed her. I think if you removed the score in the bg it would be more anti climactic than it already was.
Like I think ppl are forgetting how mlvn actually happened. Their entire relationship felt kinda juvenile in the grand scheme of things. The most dramatic thing that happened was Mike’s love confession. I think Mike has more of a “acts at the very last minute” problem.
The jopper and jancy kisses were very dramatic, passionate, a moment that made the viewers go “FINALLY.” To say that a byler kiss NEEDS to be soft and low stakes or it would be “too much like mlvn” is so weird and honestly completely untrue imo. And I personally am someone who would prefer a more soft confession/kiss scene.
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xylophone888 · 8 months ago
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(this is a repost because i think i accidentally deleted the original post :/)
fun (actually quite sad and not fun whatsoever) fact: when rincewind described what he thought was a crush on conina to himself he only listed physical "symptoms" such as fast heartbeat, feeling too hot to a "molten iron" extent and sweaty palms; he never brought up or even tried to bring up psychological stuff like being drawn to the person you have a crush on or finding some of their features or interests attractive or even something like wanting to get to know them better
he only found physical symptoms that could correspond to many different things other than infatuation and i personally think he just said to himself "well she's a woman and im a man and men are attracted to women right? therefore all this i feel must mean that im attracted to her, can't imagine anything else" but actually if you look at the aforementioned symptoms a little closer....i honestly am of the opinion he was just constantly stressed and anxious and scared on such a deep level already that he couldn't understand why was he feeling all that so he went for the only explanation available; he got so used to fear and anxiety he stopped noticing it and when it expectedly produced bad physical symptoms he already stopped even thinking about the fact that he's afraid and anxious because it became the default state of being to him; he forgot that feeling the way he feels all the time isn't normal
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goblin-enjoyer · 2 months ago
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*draws something for the first time in a while. “Man I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!”
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
“Oh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!” Loop post
#this revelation brought to you by the one and only#midnight brainrot#probably could not of put these things together without the malaise of a mind awake at 3 am again despite saying that they’re ”trying to fix#their sleep schedule ~”#bah. I say things yet never do them. my brain always blocks any sort of progress with ”just one more video”#even fun and enjoyment bends the knee to this declaration#even other YouTube videos!#when I do break it I end up back where I was because like asking for literally anything my brain does so much pushback that it feels#inherently wrong on a fundamental level#I don’t think I’m depressed I like life too much and enjoy existence#is this my brain punishing me for not dying before reaching adulthood like I always thought I would? or is it punishment for not constantly#going from the end of high school to another school like I planned because my purpose in life was to learn and go to school until I die#now I am left without purpose. literally wandering my house like a ghost when no one’s home#I say the two same things to my brother when he gets home so much that he once made a joke about me being an npc#and the worse part is. it wasn’t about that dumb TikTok brainrot meme thing. no it was because I say the exact same things the exact same wa#y every time he gets home. worse more is I can think of several other ways that that statement could be more accurate that he doesn’t know a#bout#I wish to game but never do#I want to make art and such but I never do#I went to an art class for years when I was a kid for Pete’s sake!#my parents complain about my hair being too long and I agree but I still want it long I just always kept it short because of simple ma#maintenance. the only reason I ever grew it out was to keep warm I. the winter!#I spent my childhood with self imposed utilitarianism for no reason#no reason to expand my horizons and explore myself because I thought of myself as a lesser being that was fated to die randomly before#I could reproduce.#oh my goodness the reproduction thing! I thought I was straight for the longest time because I had to be#because the purpose of a person is to reproduce. yet I was all like”I can’t reproduce as I am autistic and would taint my offspring. I am a#genetic dead end and deserve to have the effect of natural selection take place”#through tv show mimicry and being a utilitarian little git I forced myself to be straight for years#and the worse part is I KNEW GAY PEOPLE EXISTED AND I ENVYED THEM FOR NOT HAVING TO REPRODUCE OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT KARKAT FELT LIKE? NO I
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bolszaja-miedwedica · 8 months ago
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"i make out with my friends daily minsung aint shit"
im??? flabbergasted
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kyuala · 1 year ago
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SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything
#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either#anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable#and imaginable way possible like#and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam#family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life#he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good#christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif#we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for#the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would#have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only#he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life#he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our#church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty#much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl#stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the#long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an#he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING#and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY#WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time#WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE#and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me#but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this?#so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't#mari.txt#personal#tw negative#dl#btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never#had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.
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townslore · 7 months ago
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discovery of the day
#im sorry i do Not see what everyone sees in this movie. although from the years of browsing the internet ive began to realize#that i actually dont know if people actually like the movie or not#why is everything so rushed#their romance felt like nothing to me because i dont KNOW what they see in eachother#listen you dont have to tell me straight up into the camera why they love eachother#but the aggressive kissing and cut sex scenes arent telling me much#i get that it came out in 2005 but cutting mostly every gay sex scene? even the kissing for the most part?#but oh we NEED to see this happy husband and wife doing it. yes im bitter#a german movie by the name of summer storm came out the year before this one and actually shows something that feels like actual passion#i sound like i need to see people doing it in these movies all the time I promise thats not it#but even the kissing? the thing i Actually like the most? the thing that makes me feel things? felt like nothing at all#and oh i forgot that this is a tragic gay movie where one of them dies. Oh yeah. forgot.#mentioning summer storm again: it actually has a relatively happy ending. feels good that i dont need to be reminded of how gay people are#doomed 24/7.#the romance started good. with jack telling the guy whos name i already forgot to get his ass in the tent already.#the Pulling his arm over my body thing. it was going great#THEN IT WENT SO FAST! WHY WAS HE SUDDENLY SO INTO IT! WHY WERE THEY BOTH SUDDENLY DOING IT#im sorry i expected a slighter slow burn than this!!! calm down cowboys i have no idea why you two like eachother all of the sudden!#i seriously thought they would show these little moments of tension#and it just growing bigger and bigger#until they couldnt take it anymore#that would explain the aggressiveness of it! why they were so desperate! but it literally just HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!#im sorry i. I expected more of this movie that i hear so much about.#the most it made me feel was at that moment that turned into a meme where i thought “Hop on fortnite”#chuckled. that was it. did i cry? did my heart race at any moment? was i worried about what was gonna happen? not Once#im so. Disappointed.#after this i wanted to watch summer storm but netflix removed it. Its a german only movie no one knows from 2004. where the hell am i gonna#🏴‍☠️ that#AAAGHHHH!!!!!!!#not being able to watch summer storm made me cry more than this movie did What the hell
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poppyseed799 · 6 months ago
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I think one of the weirdest signs that I was trans was that I was fine with being called a woman but NOT a cis woman. I felt awful cuz I was like “do I have a problem with people calling me cis even tho I am???” cuz I am NOT someone who minds being called accurate descriptors such as cis. I felt like I just wanted to be special or something even tho that wasn’t it and felt so bad. Something just felt really wrong about being called a CIS woman. Definitely one of the more thought provoking signs I was trans lol
#was it cuz ‘cis’ implied I had accepted it? idk cuz I WAS fine with being a woman (as far as I knew)#just some weird subconscious thing I guess. I remember admitting it to my sister at the time lol#I don’t think there are rlly many other interesting signs for me tbh. except that I only corrected ppl online when they called me he if it#either went on so long that I felt bad for them OR we were arguing and I needed something new for them to be wrong about lmao#but similar to the actual post there is ONE thing I still find interesting. which is I watched a gacha cringe video (some were ridiculous#but I often defended them) and there were some where it said ‘I wish I was a boy so I could be gay’ and everyone’s like being disgusted by#this presumably little girl acting like she’s the creepiest fujoshi ever but LITERALLY I’ve had similar thoughts. anything that starts with#‘I wish I was a boy’ obviously has trans implications even if you don’t like what comes after it lol. but like honestly. I would imagine#myself in relationships with guys (mostly fictional characters as u do) and I just hated the idea that it was straight#like same situation as the post. I felt awful cuz I would be FINE with being straight (which I knew I wasn’t anyways) so why did I need to#be special or whatever? it’s cuz just like the post that WASNT the problem. it just felt wrong to me that I wasn’t a boy. so I BASICALLY#wanted to be a boy so I could be in a mlm relationship just like those gachas. it’s just a roundabout way of realizing ur trans.#to be clear I very much had to imagine myself as a guy (typically another fictional character DUH) in order to enjoy it at all#I just realized this sounds sexual. most of it wasn’t actually but the rest is my business LMAOO
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dysaniadisorder · 2 years ago
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i am so sick of all in-community homophobia & transphobia being blamed on teenagers shut the fuck up i was raised by a butch woman do u know the amount of 25-year-olds who have claimed to be elders and told me not to use neos or say the word queer. a lot ok
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the-acid-pear · 1 year ago
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Said this on my liveblog but I gotta say this here too, the way Berdly's crush on Susie is handled is, so fucking good. So much so it upsets me how the fandom treats it, because from Berdly's pov it's so damn genuine... So much so he's SHY about it gamer teen experiences crush for the first time and is crushed and humbled by it. Like there's something so funny and cute about Susie accidentally making these two nerds go thru a whole character arc by virtue of being hot and THE WHOLE TIME she doesn't fully realize that's what's going on. I just honestly love it and I love Berdly so much ....
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callixton · 10 months ago
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bro why can’t anyone ever just want to fuck around w me
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