#atheist to christian

[villainous-homosexual]

My Pleasure

Danny was never fond of Chick fil A. He always heard about their rampant homophobia and conservative Christian politics. Danny considered himself liberal on most issues and his parents were atheists which means he wasn't circumcised. But today he was feeling extra hungry and decided to give it a shot.

He pulled up to the drive-thru and opened his car window. But before he could start ordering, a strong masculine voice began speaking.

"You are late for work, boy"

Danny was shocked by this. It was an unusual thing to say to a customer.

"You must be mistaken. I'm a custo..."

The masculine voice spoke again.

"SILENCE, BOY"

"Pull up to the employee parking and park your car. Then walk into the building."

Before Danny could protest he found himself mindlessly obeying the command.

"My pleasure, sir" he said in a dull tone of voice

Danny began panicking as he walk into the building. His body was acting against his will. But his mind was still conscious.

The second Danny walked through the door he was greeted by a stern muscular man in a grey polo shirt. His nametag had "General Manager" written on it.

"You are out of uniform" the man said

"Follow me into my office and I will suit you"

"My pleasure, sir" Danny said mindlessly

Danny's boss walk him into the manager's office and locked the door behind him. He then proceeded to undress Danny.

Danny stood there unable to move as his boss pulled off his civilian clothes and dressed him in proper a Chick fil A employee uniform. Danny's muscles began to grow and spasm as each article of clothing was placed on his body.

His chest muscles ballooned up and his abs became much more pronounced. As his boss dressed him he also felt his memories of civilian life slipping away. All those years of voting democrat and liberal beliefs were gone. Replaced by a new conservative Christian worldview.

His boss looked pleased now.

"That's my good boy. You look very dapper now."

He grabbed a nametag from his desk and clipped it onto Samuel's red polo uniform. The nametag read "Samuel- Assistant Manager"

"I'm glad I decided to add you to our growing family" Samuel's boss said

"I'm feeling rather hungry, sir" Samuel said

Samuel's boss handed him a white cup

"This is our signature peach milkshake. Our secret ingredient is what makes it so addictive." He said with a wink

"I don't understand, sir. What is the secret ingredient?"

Samuel's boss unzipped his pants to reveal a thick girthy circumcised penis. He then unzipped Samuel's pants to reveal a similar thick circumcised penis.

"We make the secret ingredient in our ballsacks. The reason we are closed on Sunday is so we can harvest the secret ingredient."

"So we worship the LORD by masturbating?" Asked Samuel

"Yes, my son. Jesus Christ himself blessed our cum. Now it is our duty as devout Christians to spread his blessing through our food."

Samuel felt a thrill run through his penis. He couldn't wait to start spreading the blessings of his LORD Jesus Christ.

The next day he was assigned to work the cash register. "Your pleasure is my pleasure"

[corpsekittin]

Something in the Water Part 2

Part 2 of Something in the Water

There's been an unexplained epidemic sweeping across the United States all stemming from few months ago. It seemed like in a single day all of Los Angeles was.... changed somehow. They'd all become homophobic, straight, conservative Christians. Nobody could figure out what or who was the cause.  Now, months later a little over half of the United States have been affected. The United States has been completely isolated from the rest of the world due to what's going on in the nation. It's gotten so bad that even the United Kingdom and Canada have shut their borders to all travel from the United States. As far as anywhere is aware the United States is the only country that has been affected by the changes occurring. _________________ Darien left the house after kissing his boyfriend Riley goodbye. He wanted to stay behind to take care of his boyfriend as he had started to feel a bit unwell shortly before Darien had to leave for work but Riley told him to just go and that he will be just fine. He showed up to work his job as an intern for the local water plant and noticed things were a little off. He was let in by a stud of a man with a thick southern accent named Tanner. He thought it odd because it'd always been a skinny little guy named Tommy who'd always let him in. He decided to just ignore it and continue off to work. The whole shift started to be weird to him so many southerners were working today. He figured there must have just been a bunch of new hires and he kept working as usual. After all, he has only been an intern for a couple months now. Who's to say the previous people working those jobs didn't just leave and needed replacing? A few hours into the job he decided to take a break. He brewed himself a cup of coffee using  the "Farmer Joe's Instant coffee" and water from the break room. He walked out to a private area and pulled his cell out and decided to call his boyfriend. As it rang he took a large sip of his coffee. "Hello, Riley." he spoke into the phone. He loved that man so much, they had met when they were freshmen in college. It was love at first sight for him, well for Riley it took him a few days but eventually he fell for him. "Riley? Have ya hit yer head or somethin'?" a man with a thick southern accent on the other side line said "The name's Ryan, how in sam hell did ya' forget that? Is your ass drunk again? Ya better not be plannin' to hog all that beer." Darien felt his body start to freeze as he hung up the phone in a daze. He couldn't believe it. He looked at his phone and saw it does say Ryan. He could of sworn he called his boyfriend Riley... Wait, boyfriend? but isn't he single? He felt his body start to get a little hot and the urge to pee so he went to the bathroom. He kept drinking his coffee as he was headed to the bathroom. His body only got hotter and it felt like his shirt was becoming tighter as he was walking. Unknown to him his body had begun changing and started to inflate with muscle and height. He set his coffee down on the counter as went over to a urinal to take a piss. Dartiy's previously mid length blonde hair receded to become short and brown. His body started to strain on him so he took it off. His mind began to flood with conflicting memories. Suddenly he started to remember being raised surrounded by country boy's despite not living in the country, going to church every Sunday even though he had been an atheist and Durty even remembered his first girlfriend, Kimberly.  That thought shocked him and had him confused because isn't he gay? Wasn't the first person he dated a boy named Kayden? The shirt in his hand had turned into a camo hat as he was thinking that. He felt an irresistible compulsion to put the hat on his head and when he did the world around him seemed to spin and shook his head and suddenly he was somewhere else entirely. He started calling himself an idiot cuz really? Him, Dusty Adams, being a fag? "A fag could never look this good" he thought as he looked at himself in the the mirror and started to flex in all his shirtless glory. He grabbed the beer he had set on the sink counter and chugged the last of it before letting out a loud belch and walking out of his bathroom. He called his neighbor Ryan up and told him his plans and to get ready. He went to his garage and grabbed a case of beers, texted some hoes where to show up and headed off Ryan's to share some beer and get them some pussy. Farmer Joe's plans are working. Now it's not just the water he is affecting and soon, all of the United States shall be changed for the better.

[politijohn]

Source

Source

[animentality]

weirdly... wholesome.

[chroniclesofajewishteen]

Just because your church was a cult it doesn’t mean my synagogue is one

[chanaleah]

It's interesting to me that growing up Jewish seems to have given me a fundamentally different understanding of religion from my Christian friends. For me, I think that your religion (or ethnicity, since Judaism is an ethnicity) is not something you can get rid of. You can convert to another religion, but I never understood friends of mine who said that they weren't Christian, but Atheist.

"But you celebrate Christmas, right?" I asked them.

"Well, yeah," they said, "but we don't celebrate Christian Christmas. I'm atheist."

That didn't make any sense to me. Sure, maybe the version of Christmas they celebrated in their house looked more like treats and presents and less like nativity scenes and prayers, but it was still the same holiday.

So, I came up with the concept of the difference between "Not Christian" and "non-Christian". Which of course my "not christian" friends didn't understand. But my idea was that there are people who are "not christian" - mainly culturally christian atheists - and people who are "non-christian", like Jews, Hindus, Muslims, or others.

Because while both groups generally don't identify as Christian, we have different experiences. As a Jew, my experience as a religious minority is not the same as that of a culturally Christian atheist. They're not Christian, and I'm not Christian, but in different ways.

[audreyrose7]

I think about this all the time.

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

you open yourself up to the devil by celebrating Halloween in the same way you open yourself up to the devil by celebrating St. Paddy's or Mardi Gras.

if you play ouija or try voodoo, you open yourself up to the devil. if you dress in a slutty costume or take psychedelics in a cemetery, you open yourself up to the devil.

likewise, if you get wasted on Guinness in downtown Savannah, you open yourself up to the devil.

if you twerk half-naked for plastic beads on Bourbon Street, you open yourself up to the devil.

these kinds of bacchanalia are by no means inherent to the holidays in question, and in fact, are extremely recent perversions of traditions which go back centuries. Centuries of Christian history.

[jessicalprice]

Sorry, Christian atheists, but “Christianity traumatized me” is not a get-out-of-accountability-free card for upholding Christian supremacy through your treatment of members of minority cultures, reiterating Christian evangelism and colonialism but for your WASP brand of atheism, promoting Christian purity and hierarchy but with the serial numbers filed off, insisting that the Christian model of culture is the only one that exists and shouting down members of non-Christian cultures about their own cultures and experiences, etc.

Oh, you don’t like members of non-Christian cultures pointing out the ways in which your behaviors continue to normalize and uphold Christian hegemony?

THEN MAYBE STOP ACTING LIKE CHRISTIANS.

[sinful-skeptic]

Another fine case of “practice what you preach.” It’s not the woman’s fault that you lack self control.

[jesusinstilettos]

“Oh I’m just not the creative ty-“

Wrong, all humans are inherently creative in some way when their needs are met and they are given the leisure time to pursue hobbies. It came free with your being a social species wired by evolution to love doing stuff with your hands. Don’t define art through a consumerist lens where it’s only worth existing if it’s something someone would buy. Connect with your inner monkey, create to create and let it just be.

[corpsekittin]

A Curative Spell

Hey y’all~! I know it’s been a hot minute since I last wrote a story and I appreciate all those who have followed me, still do follow me and Like/Reblog the stories I have written. I hope that I can get into writing a bit more actively now though. Hope enjoy what I’ve written here~!

———————————————

Aster Shawcross is a 29 year old gay man has always had a huge kink for gay to straight stories where gay men are against their wills transformed into hot, attractive and homophobic straight men. He never thought that he himself would have to live through such a transformation himself. The stories were supposed to be just fiction - not actually possible.

It all started when his best friend, Connor, got him drunk at the local bar one night after Connor had been dumped by his boyfriend. They'd spent most of the evening getting sloshed and complaining about there being no good gay men.

"I know exactly what I want," Connor said as he downed another shot of tequila. "You know how much you love those gay to straight stories?"

Aster nodded. "Yeah."

Connor smiled. "Well, tonight I'm going to make those stories come true."

Aster looked up in confusion. "What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

"I was given this spell here by the local pastor” Connor said holding up a slip of paper with text on it “he said it’ll cure me if I recite it”.

"Cure you?" Aster asked skeptically.

"Yes, it'll cure me from being gay. It’ll be just like those stories you read all the time! You're my best friend and I trust you, so why don't we try it together? Maybe then we won’t be forever single and actually be happy."

Aster stared at his friend for a moment before nodding. "Okay. It’s not going to work, it’s surely a scam to get you to become a member of his Church but fine, I’ll go along with it."

"Great! Now let's get out of here and go home."

The two friends left the bar and headed back to Aster's apartment. When they arrived, Connor and he began reciting the words on the piece of paper.

"Oh my god!" Aster cried out in shock a few moments after the spell had been recited by them. His body felt like it was on fire. His skin prickled and burned. Connor feeling the same as well.

“Gnh!” Connor asked grunted at the pain rushing through his body.

Aster tried to speak but could only manage to cough. He grabbed his head and fell to the floor.

"A-Are you al-alright?" Connor, who was holding onto the wall slowly sliding down it, said with pain evident in his voice

"I-I think so..." Aster managed to say.

He got to his feet slowly and stumbled over to the couch. He collapsed onto it and lay there panting heavily. He looked up at Connor who was on his knees looking at him with concern.

"He didn’t say it would hurt!” Connor said, regretting his decision. If he knew it hurt this much he’d have never done it. It felt like his body was burning and his head was splitting.

"My...my chest," Aster gasped. "It feels weird."

Connor looked down at his own chest. He too noticed that it felt different. It felt bigger, harder and more muscular than usual.

"Our bodies are growing," Connor said.

Aster looked down at himself and saw that Connor was right. His pants were loose around his waist and his shirt was tight across his shoulders.

"How long does this last?" Aster asked weakly.

"I don't know," Connor said crawling to the couch where Aster was "He didn’t tell me”

They both laid on the couch trying to catch their breath. Their bodies continued to grow and change. Their minds were also undergoing a change as well. Both of them now found themselves thinking about women in a way they never had before. Their views on religion were also changing.

"I used to be an atheist, but now I feel like I should convert to Christianity or something," Connor said.

"Me too," Aster agreed “my mind is screaming that at me for some reason”

Their clothes began to change alongside them. They were both wearing jeans and tshirts when they went to the bar, but now they were both wearing dress shirts, ties and slacks as if they were missionaries for the church.

Both men stood up and looked at each other. Connor was now 6'3" tall and Aster was now 6”0. They’d gained a lot of muscle compared to what that they had previously had but were not super fit. Their hair was now short and brown, whereas Aster had been a blonde and Connor had had dyed his hair blood red. They also looked much younger than they were. Before they were 29 year old but now they looked no older than 21. To boot, their clothes didn’t just RESEMBLE that of a missionary - their clothes WERE that of a missionary. Something seemed off though, because neither of their name tags showed their names. It was someone else’s.

"Hey," Connor said. "Look at this."

Aster looked down at his name tag. "Whoa! My name is not on this."

"Mine either," Connor said.

Adtem looked at the name tag he wore which Said Adam Smith and then looked up at Josner’s name tag which said Joseph Johnson. "This is weird. Why aren't our names on these?"

"I don't kn-," Josener said before grabbing his head

Josener and Adem both grabbed their heads as they felt a ripping through their heads and their mental changes proceeded further. Their memories changed to that of having been raised in a church, having become friends young after meeting in said Church and when of age becoming missionaries. They also had memories of having had girlfriends before but nothing serious and of shunning those who live life as homosexuals. The house had also changed to fit their new lives. The house was incredibly clean, had pictures of Joseph at different ages, him in the church with the other boys, him with a whole new and highly religious family and some of him with his best friend, Adam.

“What were we just talking about?” Asked Adam.

“I don’t remember,” Replied Joseph.

Adam Smith and Joseph Johnson were two of the newest missionaries to the Church. They went to bed, not knowing anything had even happened to them or that they’d been someone else entirely.

Adam decide to stay the night at his friend’s place so that when they wake up ready to spread the word of God and help save people, especially homosexuals, from their sinful ways.

“I hope we find a lot of people to convert to the Lord today,” Adam said.

“I pray that we do,” replied Joseph.

Joseph and Adam happily walked down the street in the southern town they lived in to find those who need guided to salvation.

[politijohn]

Source

This should never have been a thing

[actiwitch]

Hot take, apparently, but genuinely harassing or insulting anyone's religion is not ok.

Criticizing religious institutions, proselytizing, extremism, or horrible behaviors/beliefs done in the name of a religion? YES! Totally. That should be criticized.

Unpromptedly popping up on random posts by religious folks to say anything along the lines of "god isn't real", "the pagan gods are fake", "there is only one true religion", "[any religious group] are stupid/dangerous/barbaric" -- NO.

It's rude. It's unnecessary. And sometimes, especially in the case of minorities or oppressed groups, it's outright hateful. Theres nothing helpful, funny, or cool about randomly insulting one of the most personal aspects of a persons life. Unless it's invited or warranted, stfu.

[seraphimfall]

i’m sorry but even if your personal version of mormonism excludes all the “if you’re a good mormon your skin will turn white when you die, no matter your race” and “dark skin is a sign of the devil” bs, your religion is still racist.

the idea that israelites sailed across the atlantic ocean and formed a population in north america that could be attributed to native americans is racist.

the idea that jesus christ appeared to native americans and converted them to christianity pre-colonial times is racist.

the idea that the arrival of christianity to north america with european colonialism was a prophesied “reintroduction” of christianity is racist.

the foundations of your religion are racist.

the foundations of your religion are historical negationism.

the foundations of your religion justify american colonialism as the will of god.

try as hard as you want, it’s impossible to remove racism from mormonism. it’s racist by nature.