#they are THE found family first and foremost. and i really want to convey that in the art i make later on

[kitamars]

how can you drop a heavy burden if it's holding you up as well

[gay-dorito-dust]

What about if Stanford got sick/hurt? How do you think he’d deal with that?

Ford is stubborn as they come when it comes to injury or illness.

He doesn’t want anyone to fret over him and will try to deal with it himself first and foremost almost all of the time regardless of how he’d promise to start letting others help him, old habits die hard unfortunately and Ford was no exception to this.

He didn’t want to raise suspicions in anyone and would act like nothing was actually wrong, when it was clear as day that there was indeed something wrong. Ford just didn’t like being a burden to you, nor his family.

You’d have to force that man to sit down and force him to let you take care of him with no room to complain when you had to catch him in your arms in due to the fact that he fainted while mid sentence. It scared you to death that something bad had happened, so for when to find that he had been hiding a cold or a injury, you were more or less upset with the fact that he didn’t say anything sooner and tried to do everything by himself yet again.

So when he came to, only to find himself laying on a bed, his bed, with you hovering over him with your arms crossed, unimpressed. ‘Darling what are you-‘

‘You fainted, right in my arms when you were telling me what goblins and gnomes hate each other,’ ford winced but you continued, ‘I thought we agreed to stop hiding things Stanford Pines.’ You finished as you called him by his full name to convey your upset over this.

‘My dear I-‘

‘Don’t use the excuse that you could handle it because you obviously couldn’t or else you wouldn’t have fainted in my arms.’ You cut him off as you reached out to hold his hand. ‘You scared me Ford, you really scared me back there.’ You admitted in a whisper as you tightened your grip on his hand.

‘I’m sorry my dear, I didn’t mean to scare you like that, I just didn’t want to bother you with my own things solely on the basis that we are partners and must share each others grievances.’ Ford said as he squeezed your hand in reassurance.

You smiled softly at him, knowing that you could never truly stay mad at Ford for long periods of time and kissed his forehead. ‘Well I want you to start sharing your grievances with me from now on,’ you tell him, ‘I want to help you sweetheart and I can’t do so if you keep yourself cooped up in the lab or close yourself off emotionally from the rest of us who are only trying to help.’ You finish as you go to leave Ford’s room.

‘Stay here while I go get your soup, if i see that you have taken a sock clad toe out of that bed, I’m revoking privileges.’ You warned him.

‘What privileges are you revoking my dear?’ Ford asked sheepishly.

‘Cuddling and late night campaigns of dungeons, dungeons and more dungeons.’ You told him simply as he visibly deflated as you went into the the kitchen to get his soup when you were joined by Stanley.

‘He fainted again didn’t he?’ Stanley asked.

‘Yep.’ You replied shortly.

‘What was it this time? Common cold, injured?’ Stan inquired as he helped you get a bowl for the soup intended for his stubborn brother.

‘Sleep deprivation caught up to him with a slight injury to his side, from what I don’t know.’ You told him as you thanked him for the bowl before ladling the soup into it. ‘Other than that I’m not surprised that he’s hidden it from us.’

‘Old habits die hard with my brother, there are going to be times where he won’t tell you anything in hopes of dealing with it himself, it’s all part of the lone complex he devolved while isolating himself from the rest of Gravity falls.’ Stanley said and you found yourself listening intently to it all.

‘He thinks he can do it all by himself but the moment he gets proven wrong, it makes him want to try and do it by himself even more to the point where he exhausts himself into gaining and or hurting himself further.’ Stanley continues as he leaves his back against the kitchen counter, sipping on a can of Pitt cola that seemingly magicked itself into his hand.

‘Has he always been like that?’ You asked.

Stanley chuckled. ‘Fuck no, when we were kids Ford would always come to me with whatever his big brain didn’t understand, but now after everything I’m not surprised to see that he’s become more recluse and hesitant to open up.’ Stanley saw your defeated expression and put a hand on your shoulder.

‘Don’t give up on him just yet, my smart ass brother still needs you to bring him back down to reality now and then.’ Was all he said before leaving the kitchen as you brought the soup back to Ford’s room, just to see that he had fallen asleep, not a sock clad toe out of bed too. You smiled softly as you place the soup at his bedside table and taking off his glasses before you began to ran your fingers through his hair.

‘My stubborn old fool, I love you so.’ You mused as you dedicated yourself to watching over Ford for the time being, just until he was feeling better again.

Which you did for the next couple of days, scolding him for trying to go monster hunting whilst on a cold when you spotted him trying to make a run for it out the window, not until he saw you stood there looking at him like a unimpressed parent.

Needless to say Ford went back into the really quick after that attempt.

Ford was restless and he was stubborn but you always made the best out of a shit situation by having you both cuddle in bed and have your one mini campaign of dungeons, dungeons and more dungeons to pass the time.

[ellie-the-oracle]

The Bad Batch s2e12 Review and Discussion - The Breaking Point of Crosshair

Massive Spoilers Ahead!

That was by far one of the greatest episodes I think i've ever watched. I don't even know where to begin and I do not say this lightly - I have been thoroughly broken by this show. I am genuinely heartbroken at this point.

First and foremost, the music was on point. It hit every single emotion it wanted to convey and it complimented the themes of this episode perfectly. Kevin Kiner remains to be one of the best composers, in my opinion.

Secondly, the symbolism that was the lone ice vulture flying above Crosshair's head throughout the episode was just poetic. It really got the message across to the viewers that Crosshair is utterly and brutally alone. He is nothing more than something that is “expendable” in the eyes of the Empire. This episode made that evermore clearer to Cross.

Thirdly, the new clone introduced in this episode, Commander Mayday, was a perfect way to SHOW (and not just tell) Crosshair the tragedies, the mistreatment and the injustices that the clones are facing. Throughout the entire episode, both Cross and the viewers were reminded of just how poorly the clones are being treated. Mayday's inevitable death was the final moment for Crosshair; It genuinely broke him (and me, frankly). The lieutenant (I forgot his name because idfc) really rubbed it into Crosshair’s face about what the clones mean to the Empire.

The emotions that we get to see Crosshair experience throughout this episode really show just how broken his spirit is; he has reached his breaking point. He was left both physically and emotionally devastated by the end of his mission; losing yet another companion, another brother. Someone whom he was just beginning to confide in, especially to feel less alone. I also found it quite fascinating to see him express distress when the ship blew up and caused him a sort-of sensory overload. A bit of an ode to the Batches enhanced features.

 I appreciated the little details of him shivering in the cold as he and Mayday made their way back to the outpost; huddling together to survive. on top of that, his facial expressions really showed just how lost, distraught, devastated and broken he has become. Truly, what a masterful episode. Crosshair shooting the lieutenant by the end of the episode was his moment of “going awol,” albeit, in the most devastating and heart wrenching way. 

The ending of this episode was rather concerning. I literally have no idea what that lady poked his neck with nor do I have the faintest idea as to why he's on Tantiss but I'm very nervous about it. I hope he isn't being brainwashed again or [arguably] even worse, becoming the prototype of a dark trooper. Istfg If this happens, You’ll be hearing from my therapist and my lawyer, Filoni. For the love of all things decent in this world, please let him go home to his family. 

This episode, once again, cements exactly why I love Crosshair's character so much. Truly a terribly tragic character and I ate that shit up. I'm shellshocked.

 20/10. Feelings have been hurt.

[opencommunion]

Hey, I have lebanese heritage and recently found out my family was maronite. I don't know anything about maronites, though, besides some basic history, and I want to learn more as part of my reconnecting journey. Do you have any tips on how I can do that? God bless you, thanks in advance

welcome!!! I'm so happy you asked because I had a somewhat similar experience -- I was aware we were maronite but only a few members of my extended family were active churchgoers, so I didn't know much until I started researching on my own as an adult first and foremost, if you're lucky enough to live near a maronite church, don't hesitate to drop by for a service and introduce yourself!! for maronite clergy in the diaspora, helping people reconnect is like 90% of the job lol. and the liturgy is the heart of our tradition, it's what differentiates us from other churches in the catholic communion, so immersing yourself in it brings an understanding of aspects of the faith and culture that can't fully be conveyed otherwise. but if you don't live near a church, no worries!! a lot of churches livestream services and have youtube channels where you can watch past streams: Our Lady of Lebanon Cathedral St. Anthony of the Desert Church St. George Church ... and many others

my #1 book recommendation is Captivated by Your Teachings: A Resource Book for Adult Maronite Catholics by Anthony J. Salim. sadly I can't find a pdf but if you can only buy one book it should be this one imo the essays linked here, especially Seely Beggiani's series on the sacraments, are also a great place to start Seely Beggiani's Early Syriac Theology: With Special Reference to the Maronite Tradition is another personal fav of mine bc it goes deep into the early theological underpinnings of our liturgy. Beggiani also wrote a more straightforward breakdown of the liturgy in The Divine Liturgy of the Maronite Church: History and Commentary The Hidden Pearl is an academic organization for syriac studies in general, but with a strong maronite slant. their website is kind of a pain to navigate but worth the trouble -- lots of free books, articles, and videos. they also have lectures up on youtube

Beth Mardutho is another syriac studies group with a massive digital library and an online journal the Maronite Servants of Christ the Light, a monastic community in the US, also have a YT channel. a couple years ago they hosted a webinar series for lent that I really enjoyed. my favorite was the session on the divine office learning about our saints can also be fruitful. the most famous are st maron (of course), st charbel, and st rafqa (my fav). some saints that weren't maronite themselves but are particularly revered in our tradition are st ephrem the syrian, st isaac of nineveh, and st jacob of serugh. this directory of syriac saints is also fun to browse

the version of the bible we use is the peshitta. I often refer to this site which lets you compare the peshitta NT side by side with various other translations. I especially love the lexicon search function

have fun, and hmu if you have any more questions or just want to chat!

[battlinghurricanes]

DEIPHOBUS TIME!

I'm honestly not entirely sure how I got such a deeply involved concept for his character and motivations, but I definitely did. I just feel like he fits into an especially interesting place in everything and that there's a lot of great potential with him.

Shout out to @petalveinedwarrior for enabling me and also I'm very sorry for being incredibly long winded. My bad.

Also DISCLAIMER! I am NOT an expert on the Trojan War and all its surrounding mythology lol. This is just for fun, based on my own fairly limited knowledge of the myths (though I think I pretty much cover everything that’s relevant to this). These are just my headcanons woven with some details from various myths. Sorry if anything’s missing or inaccurate!

SO!

-

First and foremost, I headcanon Deiphobus as the oldest of Priam and Hecuba’s children after Hektor.

Hektor calls Deiphobus the dearest of his brothers, and to me, this is why. They are the closest in age and they were the closest growing up, best friends when they were young. They also get the closest to being on equal footing which means a lot to Hektor, who often feels distance between him and his other siblings because of being heir to Troy.

Despite the relatively equal ground and Deiphobus treating Hektor with a very casual familiarity, deep down, he idolizes him. Deiphobus adores and admires Hektor, ever a younger brother in how he looks up to his strength and intelligence and reliability but close enough in age to not feel the same envy as so many of their younger siblings.

Deiphobus is aware that he is next in line to inherit the throne of Troy after Hektor, and the possibility of that is more real to him than to the rest. He doesn’t envy or want the responsibilities Hektor has to bear being the first son and admires him for it rather than resenting him. He never wants the weight of Troy on his shoulders.

Additionally, as close as they are, Hektor confides more openly in Deiphobus than the rest of their siblings. Consequently, he has a more realistic idea of both the burden he bears and also the ways he struggles to manage it like any human would.

Deiphobus holds Hektor in the highest regard- he means the world to him. It is a strange and unique combination of relating to and understanding Hektor exactly as he is and then loving him so dearly for how remarkably he seems to do in all of it, all that Deiphobus adores and strives to be like.

Hektor calls Deiphobus the dearest of his brothers, but Deiphobus would never need to say the same of Hektor, that much has always been obvious.

Deiphobus himself is ferociously loyal, boastful and fiery proud, wild and energetic, and always quick to smile and laugh with a sharp sense of humor. He’ll defend his own with tooth and nail, Hektor first and foremost, and they make a well balanced pair. Hektor’s level headed sense of responsibility softens many of Deiphobus’s rough edges, and Deiphobus’s enthusiasm breaks through many of Hektor’s more anxiously formed reservations.

Deiphobus would do near anything for Hektor, to a concerning degree in the eyes of some, but Hektor, by his nature, isn't overly controlling. He doesn't want Deiphobus to change how he is. Mostly, the only place Hektor truly pushes him is on moral grounds, for better rather than for worse.

Deiphobus hates to spend time overthinking anything, which benefits him in some ways, but also frequently has him following the example of those around him without considering what might lean towards cruelty. Hektor never tolerates hurtful and needless rudeness or otherwise, and their friendship doesn’t spare Deiphobus his reprimands.

Hektor's needling, though, has him step back and reexamine his actions and the second look is generally what he needs to correct his missteps. Admittedly, he’ll sometimes act better in some way solely to please Hektor, but far more often than not, he’ll come to recognize why it’s best with time and continue that way from his own compulsion.

(He grows and his conscience sounds irritatingly like Hektor.)

Deiphobus is actually one of the best of his siblings at not holding a grudge. He might for drama or humor’s sake, but once a squabble is past, he’ll easily set it aside in favor of having fun with whoever he fought with.

Regardless of his flaws, Deiphobus is amiable and of the opinion that it’s never worth passing up a good time over some pettiness. He’s never one to ignore the value of little joys, no matter how fleeting they are.

Before the war, when he is still younger, there is Antheus. He’s the pretty son of Antenor, and both Deiphobus and Paris are quite taken with him. Paris’s involvement rubs him the wrong way, but he elects to ignore it as best he can. It doesn’t sit right to consider policing Antheus’s actions. He can hardly demand he stop seeing Paris while still insisting on his company, after all.

Besides, he can’t really complain. Antheus favors him with his presence often, laughing at his jokes, stealing off his plate when they share meals, tumbling with him when they wrestle. And when Antheus lifts his hand to idly toy with his lower lip as he smiles slyly at him, Paris is the last thing on Deiphobus’s mind.

Hektor teases him sometimes when he turns up ruffled from some exchange turned overzealous, but his flustered frustration pales in comparison to his excitement, so Hektor gets away with it. Oh, he loves Antheus and the feeling is so heady, better than the most potent wine.

Then it all shatters when some men rush into the palace with Antheus’s limp body carried between them. He was in the gymnasium with Paris, they learn. One throw from Paris with a warped discus and Antheus was gone. Deiphobus stares at the blood soaked in his lovely hair.

Deiphobus is ready to rip Paris apart, but when his brother is guided in after, there’s just no room for it. He’s in complete hysterics, shaking all over as he hyperventilates, and screaming would have gotten through to him no more than their family’s vain attempts to calm him down.

Paris is inconsolable afterwards. He retreats in on himself, though without any attempt to defend himself, first to give himself the blame. He makes for a pitiful sight, and at first, Deiphobus can’t stand being in his presence at all, to take his anger and grief out on him or otherwise.

It doesn’t take that long for Deiphobus’s anger to grow more painful than cathartic anyway and, well, it is hard to lash out at someone acting exactly how he feels. He feels the same heartbreak and pain he sees in Paris and he can’t find it in himself to rage against him when he’d rather just sit and cry himself.

Paris does take it upon himself to face Deiphobus after a time and claim responsibility for what happened that day. Deiphobus doesn’t forgive him, doing that feels... off, but he manages to convey that he won’t turn on him for the accident with Antheus. He thinks that might make Paris feel better but he can’t truly tell.

It all still hurts then, even as they try to get things to settle. Nothing but more time can do anything more to heal those wounds.

And time passes and then Paris returns from Sparta with Helen, and, well.

The brewing war doesn’t drive a rift between Deiphobus and Hektor, but it does force a new distance between them. The pressure on Hektor spikes and never eases, and the time he has to spare becomes exceedingly rare.

Much of the time the two would have spent for themselves together now shifts to working together to manage the complications that come with this new conflict; Deiphobus has new responsibilities to shoulder himself. More work, less play, but the mutual affection and respect between them remains just as strong as before.

Deiphobus can’t help but feel a certain bitterness over having the casual companionship of his brother taken away from him, but he does all he can to set it aside. He refuses to let it be another source of stress for Hektor, so often too caring for his own good, and he doesn’t hold it against him anyway.

As always, Deiphobus remains aware that these tasks could easily have been his and, privately, he feels woefully inadequate in the face of that possibility. And truly, it just serves to make Hektor even greater in his eyes, handling it all with grace he can’t imagine. He knows he’s not perfect, yet still, it’s hard to imagine that anything could ever truly bring Hektor down.

And so, Deiphobus helps his brother in the ways he can and loves him as ever, always ready and eager to fight at his side.

Deiphobus leads a contingent himself, and does it well. It comes easier to him to manage a smaller group like that. He does as directed and guides his men through the fighting. One can say what they will about his ability to lead, but his capability as a warrior is undeniable.

Things shift between Deiphobus and Paris as well. Much of Troy turns on Paris, some faster than others. Deiphobus ignores the greater dramatics which, in his opinion, help nothing. Still, it is often tempting to berate him for his flippant disregard of the battles so he does, which is, admittedly, not entirely unwarranted.

However, Deiphobus and Paris share a mutual, unspoken understanding that they simply cannot focus on the war at all times. Sometimes it must be set aside. This is more often true to Paris than to Deiphobus, but that invites Deiphobus to keep Paris’s company when he can no longer bear all the stress.

In turn, when Deiphobus approaches him like that, Paris can trust not to be reprimanded as he so often is, as that gets ignored along with the rest of it. So there are times during the war where the two can be found together affably, chatting about nothing important. Their personalities can still mesh in such moments.

And, well, it’s shocking how steady things can stay over nine years of war, but they do. Death and loss become far too familiar companions, but they can do nothing but keep fighting through that, and things proceed much as they have been.

Until, of course, Achilles.

With all the cruelty of fate, it of course follows after they get the closest to driving away the Achaeans as they ever have. Such a brief, amazing hope. In his unmatched fury, Achilles slaughters their soldiers, butchers many of his brothers, escapes Scamander’s rage through the grace of the gods, and drives the army behind Troy’s wall with his advance, except for-

Then-

Hektor is dead.

Deiphobus tastes blood in his throat screaming at the sight behind the chariot.

In a way, it’s a blessing that it takes twelve days to get Hektor’s body and another twelve to bury it. With his death, command of Troy and her allies has passed to Deiphobus, and he could barely lead his own horse after losing Hektor, much less an army.

Deiphobus falls to pieces. He can barely process it, losing the one he held in the highest regard, held every confidence in, believed in to his core. Hektor was the best of all of them and now he’s dead, leaving him shattered. Deiphobus is hysterical, wildly heartbroken.

In this time is when Priam first turns on his remaining sons. He lashes out at them as he prepares to ransom Hektor’s corpse, degrading them as the most worthless of his sons. Still half blind with tears of grief he can’t hold back, he thinks that it’s true in the same moment he thinks of how he will now have to take Hektor’s place, worthless ruin though he is.

Most often, Priam refrains from speaking of his remaining sons after that, and in rare, fleeting heartbeats he almost seems contrite over cursing them. Neither is enough though to keep him from savagely reproaching them in unpredictable instances as Troy continues to spiral towards its doom. Deiphobus shakily chokes down his father’s abuse without a word.

Of course, he returns to the battlefield once Hektor is buried, coming to truly learn the crushing weight of his new role. How did his brother bear this? Every day feels like one failure after another; he’s not strong enough, not smart enough to do this. He tries anyway, each day more taxing than the last.

Deiphobus can hardly bear Paris after Hektor’s death. A large part of him hates him for it, desperate to pin the blame on someone despite knowing deep down that he’s not responsible. Though, even then, part of him is drawn to Paris, broken same as him, shaped by a sort of desperation to grieve for their brother with him. Misery loves company.

His anger burns hotter, but now he can’t bring himself to berate him even in the way he did sometimes before all this. He never confronts him with his hatred, such that it is. He simply avoids Paris entirely, knowing that if he indulges in the impulse to curse him for what happened to Hektor, he would fall apart at the seams.

Even now he can’t face the truth of what happened and keep going. It is all he can do to try never to think about it.

And then, with the aid of Lord Apollo, Paris kills Achilles.

The undecided limbo of Deiphobus’s feelings towards Paris topples into something like affection the moment he hears of it, connecting them once more. Paris has destroyed Hektor’s murderer, avenging him, and that matters to Deiphobus more than anything else.

That night, the two of them drink together until it half kills them, close enough to keep knocking shoulders as they revile Achilles with the worst profanities they know. It’s the only celebration they can muster after everything, but they’re both laughing for the first time since they lost him.

(When the night grows damnably late, Deiphobus’s attempt to laugh turns into retching and Paris collapses to the ground when he tries to get up to help. They suffer the agonizing morning together.)

They make a strange pair from then on. Friendship would be a generous word given the still unavoidable tension between them, but they somehow manage to maneuver around that and share a certain closeness. They maintain it despite differences that grind against each other. Sad as it is, it’s one of the only things either of them have left.

Paris and Deiphobus also weather Priam’s spontaneous tirades together. Usually wordlessly, but there is something to be said for the company of someone enduring the same pain you are. It is a quiet solidarity, but a significant one.

They talk of the war far more often now. Every day it devours more and more of their lives, always harder and harder to ignore or set aside. On rare occasions, they do still manage it. Those conversations make for a breath of fresh air, though that does little to stave off the feeling of drowning.

And then Paris takes a poisoned arrow and dies.

Deiphobus doesn’t wail and sob in the same way he did for Hektor. He’s too numb for it now. It hurts in an unnatural, distant sort of way. All he can muster is a ugly, stilted feeling of shame for letting himself come to care for him in the first place. Of course he would die like the rest, he should know this by now. He crumbles further.

After Paris’s loss, there's only two reasonable options for what to do with Helen. Either they need to return her to Menelaus or arrange a new marriage and keep her in Troy.

Helen pleads to be returned to her first husband but Deiphobus competes with Helenus to be the one who weds her. Troy does not stop them. There is a quiet but tangible tension to the city and he doesn’t think their people would tolerate Helen departing. He competes with everything he has left and he wins. And they marry.

That first night, Helen stares at his back while sitting in her new place on his bed. She expected to be treated like a piece of meat, a feeling she's grown well used to through living her life under the eyes of men, but he's barely even looking at her. He fought for her hand with an undeniable, feral sort of desperation. What was it for if he doesn't even want her?

"Why?" she asks him. "Why bother going through every effort to marry me only to be so cold now? What do you want?" Her voice would cut razor sharp if only she wasn't so tired.

He turns to face her with bloodshot eyes narrowed in a glare, riddled with barely restrained anger and grief. "I'm not letting you leave," he forces out and Helen pushes down the urge to scoff because that much is obvious.

"It has to be worth something," he continues. "There has to be something we fought for. If we just let you go back, then it won't have been worth jack shit." He paces, not looking at her again. "I won't allow that. Don't think you can avoid all this so easily now that Paris is gone. There has to be a point. My brother is dead because of this shit! If you're gone, then what would be the fucking point?!"

His brother. He means Hektor. He means Paris. He means every last one of them, so many dead. He means Hektor.

Helen doesn't reply. There is nothing she can say to that. For all that it doesn't make a difference, what he's laid before her is something she knows well. She's spent so long now berating herself and blaming herself for all that's come to pass and she understands. She hates this, all she wants is to go home, but she understands him.

She knows that they both hate each other and themselves all in equal measure. What a wretched pair they make, Helen thinks.

Not that they make much of a pair at all. They're rarely ever together. Deiphobus camps outside whenever he can, and when he can’t, he goes out of his way to avoid her. Helen accepts it as the best she can expect from the truly miserable situation this has become. The war drags on, but the truth hangs in the air that Troy is losing.

Then the horse.

The people, starving so desperately for peace, bring it inside the walls. Deiphobus tries to be cautious. He tries to think of what Hektor would have done. He commands Helen to walk around the horse, calling out in the voices of the Achaeans' wives. If there's some wretched spy or invader, let them show themselves. He'll kill them.

No one answers. Deep down just as desperate for peace as them all, he breathes a sigh of relief and leaves the damn horse.

He hopes the Achaeans filled their mouths with blood, biting their tongues as hard as they must have.

Troy is burning. The Achaeans fill the streets with slaughter; they are everywhere. Reunited with her husband after so, so long, Helen tells Menelaus where Deiphobus is. And so, Deiphobus dies alongside Troy.

(Deiphobus and Hektor meet again in the Underworld and Deiphobus tries to apologize for his failure to keep Troy safe. Hektor will hear none of it, refusing any of the anger he has every right to put on him. Still, a long time passes where Deiphobus silently and anxiously wonders if that was a lie, if Hektor truly does hate him for what happened.

Hektor keeps throwing him tense, unsettled glances sometimes when he thinks he’s not looking, even though he never says a thing. Each one worms further and further underneath his skin and he starts to squirm under the conviction that he’s done something wrong. Something Hektor holds against him.

When it finally grows so unbearable that Deiphobus confronts him about it at last, Hektor flinches and doesn’t disguise his fear and upset. Deiphobus braces himself. But then, mangled in with confusing, ashamed apologies, Hektor recounts for the first time how he died.

Athena luring him to his death in Deiphobus’s shape, speaking in his voice. How he turned to face Achilles believing he had support. When he called for a spear from his brother, he was alone.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I think of it at all, I’m so sorry I let you believe I was angry with you because of it. I’m not, it had nothing to do with you, you shouldn’t have to know of it at all. I just- remember it sometimes. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Deiphobus feels nauseous. Hektor looks even more so.

“If I had actually been there-”

“No! Don’t do this. Achilles would have just killed you too.”

“We wouldn’t have died alone, then.”

They clutch at each other, these battered remnants of their souls, carrying with them the wounds of their lives.)

[crystallos-sol]

Hey there! First and foremost, love the blog, second of all, I just wanted to state that the whole “gruvia” thing in fairy tail ruined one of its core themes to me. Like the whole deal with this series it’s that supposed to be all about friendship and found family, but the people in the guild continuously take sides with juvia over gray, the person they’ve known since he was a literal child.

Like i would most of grays “friends” to be really shitty friends considering the fact that they value the feelings of his stalker, and former member of a guild that attacked fairy tail and was forgiven too quickly in my opinion, over him completely ruined the message about friendship this series was trying to convey.

Imagine this, you join at guild at 12 and are in this guild for six years, so you’re friends with most of the kids your age and have found parental figures in the guilds older members. Then, a guild attacks yours and you fight one of their members who later has a change of heart. Sure, you feel good that this person had a change of heart and wants to be a better person because you are a decent human being, but this person has an unhealthy obsession with you due to the person they’ve made you out to be in their head. Instead of getting over their obsession, due to you letting them down easy because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, their obsession grows worse due to the people in your guild coddling their feelings as if they’re a child. Also, on top of that, your friends and mentors now make you out to be the bad guy because you have rejected their advances. This person has stalked you, harassed you, been rude to your close female friends, and has not taken no for an answer, but you are accused of being an asshole by the same people you’ve known for most of your adolescent life.

Some friends, huh? That’s my opinion, i’d love to hear your take!

YES!!!! I tend to just hate that part of canon. Because really having any sort of abuse + compliance from anyone close to the character being abused is just?? Makes it worse. For me I get upset because there will be scenes of the guild actually caring about Gray I won't say there hasn't been scenes like that but to turn around and have the characters ignore actual abuse and side with the abuser???

It's one of the many things that doesn't make any sort of fucking SENSE. One second they are family the next second they are ignoring abuse? What? It's the inconsistent characterization that he has such a damn issue with. I agree with everything you said because that's exactly what happens. Gray is nice to her and saves her fucking life and Juvia latches onto that because of her own Trauma. In no way is it fair to Gray has a person because regardless of Juvia being traumatized (I firmly believe she wouldn't know something is wrong and unhealthy for BOTH OF THEM unless if someone told her) his family has the responsibility of you know ACTING LIKE A FAMILY?! Also thank you :>!!! I 100% think canon FT is like slapped together with half assed ideas and duct tape with how well (sarcastic) it's writen.

[thedanceronthestreets]

PEDRO PASCAL GQ GERMANY - OCTOBER 2020

Original text by Esma Annemon Dil

Fotos by Doug Inglish

Styling by Simon Robins

Translated by @thedanceronthestreets

Intro: A broken tooth could almost have been the reason for our meeting with Pedro Pascal to be cancelled - and with that our conversation about roots, his new movie and times of change. 

Interview: It is almost eery how empty the streets of Los Angeles are under the gleaming sun. While Europe is finding its "new normal", people in L. A. are cutting their own hair even without being neurotics. Many of them have not seen their friends in half a year. The pandemic is out of control. So are the reactions to the situation. Inviting someone to a "distance drink" in the backyard can lead to the same consternation as proposing a relationship partner exchange. 

All the more of a surprise was Pedro Pascal's immediate confirmation. To the drink, not the partner exchange. He is one of the winners this year - and if Corona had not forced the movie industry to go on a holiday, he probably would not have had the time for this drink. After "Game of Thrones", the series in which his head was squished, followed 2015 the leading role in "Narcos" as a DEA agent on the hunt for Pablo Escobar, and now the leap onto the big Hollywood screen. As of 1. October the Chilean will appear in the blockbuster "Wonder Woman 1984". Furthermore, the second season of the "Star Wars" series "The Mandalorian" will start in October with him as the main character - unfortunately underneath the helmet. But we all seem to be under the same helmet in 2020. It is this man we want to meet, who worked as a waiter in New York a couple of years ago. Whose parents are political refugees that settled in Texas, and one day their son decided to walk into a drama club in high school. 

And then the cancellation. While we were preparing the house and garden for Pedro's drink and fashion shoot, which isn't an easy task under L. A.'s restrictions, his management called in with terrible news: Pedro has - no, not Corona - had to receive emergency surgery due to a sore tooth and is now lying in bed with a swollen cheek, making talking or shooting impossible. The sun shines onto empty streets. And our empty garden. 

A few days later, he stands in front of the door anyway, no huge bulge in his face, but stitches in his gum. No limousine service that dropped him off, he arrived in his own car and picked up his makeup artist on the way. He helps her to carry in all the equipment and states first and foremost: "I've got time today!" What a star! It does not seem like we are about to ask him how he managed to become a Hollywood sensation, but rather him asking us that question. Pedro Pascal! So, what kind of star is he then? 

Pedro Pascal: Sorry for ruining your plans. The operation was a total emergency. 

GQ: Really? We were wondering whether the swelling was the result of a secret trip to the plastic surgeon. Apparently, because of the quarantine in Hollywood, their schedules are packed. 

Sorry to disappoint you. A few days before our appointment I raced to the hospital with a tooth fracture and the worst pain I've ever felt - a hospital where the severe Corona cases are treated. I was unable to contact any dentists! Right before I parked, a specialist called back. I'll spare you the details of the surgery, gruesome. The pain was excruciating despite the 10 anaesthetic shots. The doctor said I wasn't the only one going through this, a lot of people grind their teeth at night thanks to stress. 

What are you most afraid of at the moment? 

The way the government is handling the pandemic scares me more than the virus itself. The lack of intelligent crisis management is a moral disgrace. The leadership crisis makes orphans out of all of us - we're left to fend for ourselves. 

How have you spent the last few months? 

With frozen pizza in jogging trousers in Venice Beach. I live in a rear building that's in the garden belonging to a family. In reality there are enough good takeout restaurants around that area, but for some reason I like salami pizza from the supermarket. 

That doesn't exactly sound like the movie star lifestyle. What does it feel like to be forced from top speed to zero? 

Considering the things happening in this world, my own state really isn't the top priority. But I would have to lie, if I said I wasn't disappointed. The entire cast and crew of "Wonder Woman 1984" put so much heart and soul into the production. We had so much fun on set. I had hoped to carry this feeling of exuberance around the globe to the openings of this movie. 

You are part of a political, socialist family that fled the Pinochet regime in Chile. What do you remember from back then? 

My sister and I were born in Chile, but I was only nine months old when we claimed asylum in Denmark. From there, we moved to San Antonio in Texas, where my dad worked as a doctor in a hospital. 

Texas isn't exactly considered to be socialist utopia. How well did you settle in? 

San Antonio isn't a cowboy city but rather very diverse with large Asian, Afro-American and Latino communities. In my memory it's a romantic place, culturally inclusive. The cultural shock only hit when we moved to Orange County in California later. Suddenly, the environment was white, preppy and conservative. 

How were you welcomed in California? 

To this day I'm ashamed when I think about how I let my classmates call me Peter without correcting them. I'm Pedro. Even without growing up in Chile, the country and language are part of me. I was quite unhappy in that place. At least I was able to switch schools and visit one in Long Beach, where I felt more comfortable. With its theatre programme, I found my path. 

Could you visit your family's homeland as a child? 

Yes, after my parents ended up on a list of expats that were permitted to re-enter the country. First, there was a big family gathering, then me and my sister were parked at some relatives' place for a few months while my parents returned to Texas. They probably needed a break from us. They'd had us at a very young age, had a vibrant social life, and my mother was doing her doctorate in psychology. 

Was your mother a typical young psychologist that tested her knowledge at home? 

You mean whether I was her lab rat? Absolutely. I can remember weird sessions camouflaged as games, where someone would watch my reactions to different toys. Even though I couldn't have been older than 6, I knew what was happening. My favourite thing was to be asked about my dreams. That was always a great opportunity to make up fantastic stories. 

Was that your first performance? 

Definitely! My strong imagination alarmed my mother, because I'd rather live in my fantasy world than in real life. I didn't like school. I ended up in the "problematic kid" category. At some point the subjects got more interesting and my grades improved. So many children are unnecessarily diagnosed with learning disabilities without considering that school can be daunting. Why is it acceptable to be bored out of your mind in class, when there are more stimulating ways to convey knowledge?

With everything happening in the world this summer: Do you believe that social hierarchy structures are genuinely being reconsidered? 

Hopefully. After the lockdown my first contact with people was at the Black Lives Matter protest. The atmosphere was peaceful and hopeful until the police got involved and provoked violence. At least during these times we can't avoid problems or distract ourselves from them as easily as we usually do. It seems that the pandemic provided us with a new sense of clarity: we don't want to go on like this. 

The trailer of "Wonder Woman 1984" represents the optimism of the 80s. That almost makes one feel nostalgic nowadays. 

That holds true. It's two hours of happiness. Patty Jenkins, the director, managed to make a movie full of positive messages. We shot in Washington, D. C., then in London and Spain - which now sounds like a different time. 

Do you miss travelling? 

I've only now realised what a privilege it is to just pack up your things and fly anywhere. With an American passport you can travel freely. And that's why the small radius we live in now is kind of absurd. Over the last few years I often retreated in between takes, because I was always on the road and overstimulated. Friends complained about how comfortable I had become. We all took social interactions for granted and realise now how reliant we are on human connection. Now, I wistfully think about all the party and dinner invitations I declined in the past. 

In L. A., people spend more time indoors or in nature than in other metropolises. Could this city become your safe haven after New York City? 

My true home is my friends. Ever since I was young I've lived the life of a nomad and haven't set roots anywhere. Until recently, my physical home was a place for arriving and leaving and hence I didn't want to overcomplicate living by owning lots of things. The opposite actually: Without having read Marie Kondo's book, I got rid of all the stuff that was unnecessary and lived a very minimalistic lifestyle. 

Is there something you collect or could never say goodbye to? 

Books! I still own the literature I read during my teen and university years. Recently I found a box of old theatre scripts and materials back from my uni days at NYU. I can't separate from art either, same as lamps or old pictures. Furniture and clothes are no problem though, they can be chucked. 

Do you remember any roles that were defined by their costumes? 

Yes, "Game of Thrones" comes to mind immediately. During that time I first understood what it means, as an actor, to be supported by a look. I owe that to costume designer Michele Clapton. She developed these very feminine robes and brocade cloaks for my role that looked very masculine when I wore them. I felt sexy in them. And very important were of course Lindy Hemming's power suits and Jan Sewell's blond hair for the tycoon villain Maxwell Lord in "Wonder Woman 1984". Relating to the style, I couldn't really see myself in the role since the shapes and colours of the 80s don't really fit my body. My type is the 70s.

Do you adopt such inspirations into your private closet? 

At this point in time, I'll choose any comfortable outfit over a cool look. Sometimes I mourn the days when I defined myself with fashion. It's a bit mad when I think about how, in the 90s as a teenager, I would go to raves; a proper club kid with crazy outfits: overalls, chute trousers, soccer shirts and a top hat like in "The cat in the hat knows a lot about that!" by Dr Seuss. Later in NYC I was part of a group that placed immense value on wearing a certain style. The fact that I only walk around in joggers nowadays is actually unacceptable! 

Normally, actors who work on comic screen adaptations become bodybuilders and eat ten boiled chicken breasts per day. You don't? 

My body wouldn't be able to handle that. I find it difficult enough to maintain a minimum level of fitness. As of your mid 40s, you suddenly need a lot more discipline. Until the tooth incident happened, I worked out a couple of times a week with a trainer to keep the quarantine body in shape. 

What would annoy you the most, if you were your own roommate? 

I can be very bossy. I have to gather all my goodwill not to force my movie choice on to everyone else. When I want something, I'm not passive aggressive about it, I attack head on. Also, I can get caught up in tunnel vision: When i feel down, I can't imagine that I'm ever going to feel better again. I have difficulty with seeing the bigger picture when experiencing problems or emotions. Method acting really wouldn't be my thing. That's why I try to only work on projects that feel good and where people encourage and lift each other up. 

While you were trying on the outfits you pointed out a lack of self-esteem. How does that coincide with your career? 

Isn't it interesting how traits and circumstances go hand in hand? Self-esteem comes from the inside, but it's also influenced by what society believes. We use critical stares from the outside against ourselves. I lived in New York for 20 years, I studied there and worked as a waiter up until my mid 30s, because I couldn't live off acting. It was always so close. The disappointment of always just barely missing a perfect part or opportunity is exhausting. When is the right time to stop trying and what's plan b? That's not just a question actors ask themselves, but anybody who struggles to earn a livelihood - unrelated to how much potential they have or how close their dream may seem. We are beginning to see now how our narrow definition of success is destroying our communities. At the same time, it's becoming obvious that, until this day, your family background and skin colour determine your chances of living a dignified existence. 

What are the positives of becoming a leading man later in life? 

I have the feeling that I've got control over my life - without the pressure of having to accept projects or be a social media personality. That surely also has to do with the fact that I'm a man. Women are surely pressured to appear quirky at any age. 

Life is always a management of risks - especially at this time. For what would you risk losing something? 

Usually, if you don't play the game you're not going to win anything. That applies to friendship, love, work, creativity. Anything that really means something to me, is worth the risk. 

Wonder woman 1984 will appear in cinemas 01.10. The 800 million dollar earning DC comic franchise is moving into the New York 80s with its sequel. It looks spectacular - only Pedro Pascal with blond hair in a three piece Wall Street suit looks better.

[you-can-wear-my-face]

Thomas Hewitt/Selectively Mute! Reader, part two

Part One

Summary: The Sheriff picks you up after you broke down on the side of the road. You know this can’t end well, but he makes you an offer you can’t refuse; use your nursing skills to heal the giant man he brings you to, and you can go free. Unfortunately for you, he obviously needs more than a nurse. (And how can you be sure he’ll really let you go when ‘Thomas’ is healed?)

C/W: Medical use of maggots, self-harm references. Also, please do not use anything here as medical advice. This is a slasher/reader fic, not a manual on first aid.

Note: As I said, I have no self control.

You wrote down an explanation for the maggots, trying not to let your shaking obscure your handwriting. Hoyt snatched it from you, obviously suspicious after your last note. The woman was glaring at you openly. Whatever points you’d briefly won with her were lost. Hoyt grunted. “Hmmph. They’ll eat the dead skin. Leave the good skin. That right?” You nodded. He grunted again, still skeptical. “Why can’t you just cut it off, huh? Ain’t like the boy hasn’t done it to his own—“

“Charlie Hewitt, you better not finish that sentence, ‘less you wanna see if I can still give you a good spanking.”

He turned his glare on her, mockingly parroting her words back at her before adding, “You don’t scare me, woman.” But you noticed he didn’t finish his sentence. He focused back on you. “Well? Just cut it off.” You shook your head, reaching for the pen and paper again. He held it out of your reach, mouth turned upward in a smirk. The woman slapped a hand to his chest, earning an aborted swear. “Mama, what the hell was—?”

She snatched the pen and paper, passing it to you. “You brought her here to fix Thomas. I ain’t gonna let you harass her while there’s something she can do to help him.”

He grumbled something to himself but pulled away to lean against the wall, picking at his teeth while you wrote. You hesitated a moment, then added a question at the bottom. You passed the note to the woman. She eyed it, then eyed you.

“Luda Mae,” she said, in answer to your scribbled question. “Charlie, go get the girl her maggots.”

“Mama—“

“Go on,” she said, “We got plenty of ‘em around here. You know where to look.” He sighed. “You’re getting too used to giving Tommy all the dirty jobs. Don’t think I ain’t seen it. Go. She ain’t a surgeon or a doctor, and she don’t wanna make it worse for him. She says maggots’ll help? Well we got maggots to spare. I’ll see what I can do about the rest of this list but...” She shook her head. “Ain’t likely to find much.”

You swallowed. It was just your luck that you’d end up in the backcountry of Texas, inside a home with an abundance of maggots and a complete lack of medical supplies—and with your life riding on your ability to heal the man in front of you.

It was almost funny, if you looked at it like that.

You nodded and shrugged, trying to convey acceptance without words. They—somehow—seemed to get it and left you to your devices, though Hoyt grumbled the whole time. Just before he shut and locked the door, he reminded you not to do anything stupid. You nodded, and he stepped outside. The door shut and the lock clicked, leaving you alone with your patient.

You exhaled slowly, a lot of the tension leaving you with their absence. You could almost pretend this was just another house call. You eyed the gash across his chest and swallowed. Almost.

Stepping close to the prone man, you pulled the blankets down to his waist to check for any additional injuries. Minor cuts and bruises littered his torso, and you shook your head. “What happened to you?” you murmured. You found no humor in the irony that you had no trouble talking when other people weren’t around. (As Thomas was unconscious, he didn’t trouble you either.)

Setting a hand on his abdomen, you pressed lightly to see if there was any internal damage—and if there was, both you and he were screwed, because there was no way for you to fix that. Thankfully, you couldn’t find any unusual swellings or broken ribs, and his bruises all seemed to be surface injuries. You pulled the blanket the rest of the way off, but his family had apparently decided to preserve his modesty; his trousers were still on, though they were stained with blood and dirt. “These definitely need to go, big guy,” you told him, “I’d like to change the sheets, too, but I can’t imagine we’ll be moving you, huh?”

If you were in a hospital, you’d have had orderlies and other nurses to help you muscle the big man onto a gurney or another bed, but even with Hoyt and Luda Mae, you didn’t imagine you’d be moving him anywhere anytime soon.

You scribbled down a few more items you would need—scissors, a bedpan or at least a bucket—then resumed your exam. The flesh around his injury was red and angry-looking, or blackened and starting to rot. His torso was covered in coarse hair, and you added a razor to your list...then noted that the skin around his injury needed to be shaved, when you realized they probably weren’t going to give you anything like a weapon. Soap and water went on the list, as well as clean rags.

You pressed the underside of your wrist to his forehead. You hoped Luda Mae could find acetaminophen, or something similar, because his fever needed to be taken care of first and foremost. He was burning up, and that could kill him faster than anything else.

You hurriedly added latex gloves and a face mask to the list, but you were certain they had nothing like that around. It wouldn’t hurt to ask, though. You raised your hands, putting your fingers to his pulse-point and checking your watch to take his pulse, only to jump when a huge, hot hand engulfed your wrist. Your eyes met his, and your breath caught. Pure rage stared back at you, and your heart-rate skyrocketed once again. His hand squeezed, and the strength in his grip was terrifying. He sat up and seemed to loom, despite his obviously pained hunch. You licked your lips nervously, trying to calm yourself. He was likely delirious, and you’d seen the kind of damage even small women could inflict in a fit of delirium—you didn’t want to find out what this man might be capable of when he wasn’t in his right mind. It was hard to find your words, but you managed to say, “Thomas?”

That caused his eyes to widen a fraction, the anger evaporating into surprise. Exhaling hard, you smiled in relief. “H-hey there, big guy. Your family—“ You swallowed. “Found. They found me, Thomas.” You kept saying his name, hoping it would ground him. “Looks like you’re hurt, but I’m gonna take care of you, okay? I’m a nurse. I’m here to fix you up.” His other hand reached up to cover his face, and your brows furrowed. “Is there something wrong? Are you breathing okay?”

He just stared at you, one huge hand spanning the lower half of his face. Then you remembered the deformities you’d caught sight of, and your stomach twisted. Was he...hiding them? “Your mama said you had trouble talking. Is that true, Thomas?” He didn’t respond. You licked your lips again, nervous. His hand flexed on your wrist. “Okay. Um. I have a few questions for you. Can you nod for me?”

For a long minute, he didn’t respond, and you were starting to worry he really was delirious, but he gave you a slow nod, and you smiled. “Good. Good! Okay. Nod for me again if you’re hurt anywhere besides your chest.” He shook his head. “Does your head hurt?” He shook his head again. “Good. I see you’re covering your face. Are you having trouble breathing?” Another head shake. “Good. You’re doing really good for me, Thomas. Thank you for answering my questions. I’m going to explain what I’m doing, but I need you to give me back my hand, okay?” He exhaled hard, the sound almost like a growl. Nevertheless, he loosened his grip, and you smiled at him. “Thank you, Thomas. I’m just taking your pulse. So, I’m going to put my fingers on your neck and count your heartbeats. Is that okay?”

He eyed you, then gave a subtle nod. You pressed your fingers to his neck and felt his throat flex against your fingers as he swallowed. You checked your watch, counting his heartbeats as the seconds ticked down. When you were finished, you smiled at him and said, “Good. Your pulse is just fine. Now we’re going to see about getting that fever down, okay?”

He exhaled, watching you warily, but exhaustion seemed to get the better of him. He laid back down, head resting on the limp pillow, but he never took his hand off his face. The door opened behind you, and you turned, happy to see Luda Mae. “Did you find acetaminophen?”

She handed you a basket. “I emptied the medicine cabinet. Look in there, see if you can find—Thomas?” She went to him immediately and started fussing over him. He didn’t seem to react to her, his gaze fixed on you. “Don’t worry about her. She’s here to help. Hoyt found her.” She leaned close to Thomas, and you could hear faint whispering, but you couldn’t understand what she was actually saying. It didn’t matter—you were too busy sorting through the medicine bottles.

You grinned, finding a bottle of penicillin and a bottle of ibuprofen. Their expiration dates were long past, but digging deeper didn’t net you anything helpful.

“T-thank you,” you said, belatedly, You struggled to read the label, but it was too faded and worn. You eventually gave up and measured out what seemed like too many pills, hoping to counteract the pills’ age-induced ineffectiveness. You stepped alongside the bed and took Thomas’ free hand. You turned it palm-up, and passed off your handful of pills. He watched you intently the whole time, looking from your hand—resting lightly on the underside of his fingers—and back to your face, searching your features. You smiled for him, trying not to get nervous under his gaze. “W-water?” you asked, unable to get the full sentence out.

He just pulled his hand free of yours and sat up, turning his big body away to hide his face while he swallowed the pills dry. “Oh.” You looked to Luda Mae, and seeing the hard expression on her face, you tensed immediately. Swallowing hard, you gave her your list. She skimmed it, pausing to eye you.

“What do you need a face mask for, girl?”

Her tone was harsh, angry, and you had no idea why. You took the pen and paper, scribbling out an explanation. “It’s for you,” she said flatly, “You’re worried about getting your germs on him?” You nodded. She shook her head. “Ain’t got nothing like that ‘round here.”

A handkerchief? you wrote.

She cocked her head, then nodded. “Yeah. I can probably find something like that.”

“Gloves?” you asked.

“Nothing like you’re asking for—we got leather workman’s gloves. Would that work?” You shook your head, vowing to wash your hands especially thoroughly. “I’ve already got water heating up. I’ll bring up some soap when that’s ready. Hoyt’s not gonna let you have scissors—that just to cut the guaze?”

You glanced at Thomas, then at Luda Mae. Since he seemed lucid, you turned to address him directly. “Thomas, listen, there’s mud and blood on your trousers. Your injury is already infected. We need to try to keep things clean so the infection doesn’t come back once we get it all bandaged up. Do you think you can take off your pants on your own? Or do you need help?”

His eyes went wide, and he lunged for the blanket—but you saw the moment the pain hit him. His features paled and his hand fell away from his face, grasping at nothing. He never uttered a sound, though, and he still managed to snatch the blanket, pulling it up to his ribcage. He lay back against the pillow, breathing rough and glaring at you when he remembered to cover his face again.

You pressed both hands to your mouth, appalled that he’d hurt himself. Luda Mae just sighed, shaking her head like she’d expected that. “Shoulda pulled them off while he was sleeping,” she said to you. Now you stared at her, equally horrified. “Thomas Brown Hewitt, you behave yourself and let her do her job, you hear?”

He didn’t respond, didn’t acknowledge that she’d spoken at all—he just continued to glare at you. Wringing your hands, you were having trouble finding your words again, but you shook your head when Luda Mae tried to tug the blanket out of his grip. You caught her hand, shaking your head when she looked at you.

You weren’t going to force him to strip. He was conscious, apparently not delirious despite the fever. You were going to get him to cooperate with you. You just needed to find your words.

Exhaling slowly, you shooed her away from the bed and leaned down to meet Thomas’ gaze. “Thomas, I’m a nurse. I want to make you feel better. Sometimes, I might ask you to do something uncomfortable or even painful, but I’m not going to hurt you. Promise. Now, your ma can find a fresh pair of pants for you to wear, and I won’t look while you put them on or while you take these off. Would that be okay?”

Thomas searched your face. You had no idea what he was looking for or what he found, but eventually, he exhaled audibly—not quite a sigh or a snort, but something between the two—and gave you a subtle nod. You smiled, patting his hand. “Thank you, Thomas.” He stared at your hand on his, brows furrowed as if he was trying to understand something. You hesitated, then said, “You know, you don’t have to cover your face like that.” His gaze snapped back to your face, glaring again. You swallowed when he growled at you, and you held up your hands. “Okay. If you don’t want me to see, that’s okay too. Your ma is going to get me a handkerchief for my face, so I don’t germs on your injury. Would you like one too? So you don’t have to hold your hand over your face?”

He gave a firm nod. Luda Mae shook her head, but there was a grim smile on her face. “I’ll get you what you asked for, but I suggest you start explaining the maggots to him before Charlie gets back.”

Hearing that, Thomas grabbed your forearm, his grip almost painfully tight. You met his gaze, and his demand for an explanation was clear enough, even without words. Your heart jolted, but you laid your hand overtop his, smiling nervously as you tried to find the right words to explain to him.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Hi! As someone who’s literary opinion I really trust, I was surprised that you’re a twilight fan? I know almost nothing except commen knowledge things about that series, and I always assumed it was actually bad/un-feminist. What is it that you like so much that others seem to miss? I’m just genuinely curious about your take on the hate it always seems to get vs. it’s actual quality. I’m not gonna judge bc animorphs is also one of those books where you see it and assume it’s bad.

In over 14 years of loving this series, I’m not sure anyone has ever asked me why I enjoy it instead of simply trying to convince me that I’m wrong to do so.  So thank you for that.

First and foremost, I love the Twilight saga because of the vivid detail in Stephenie Meyer’s writing style.  The descriptions are so lush and dense with sensory information that you can practically bite down on them as you read.  Bella and Jacob aren’t just sitting on the beach; they’re sitting on a gnarled log of driftwood, worn smooth at the top from where so many Quileute teens have sat upon it during bonfires but still uneven enough to rock on its branches when Bella suddenly stands to rage at her own mortality.  Meyer describes that log in Twilight, so tangibly and with such economy of detail, that we recognize it immediately when Bella and Jacob return to that spot in Eclipse.  I’ve always disliked the movies, because I’ve always felt that the best part of Meyer’s writing simply did not translate well to the screen.

Secondly, I love the feminism.

Okay, let’s take a quick pause to let everyone gasp and clutch their pearls over me calling Twilight a feminist work.  I will address the criticisms later.  For now, please just hear me out.

Twilight strikes me as a premier example of what Hélène Cixous means when she calls for “women’s writing,” or writing for women, about women, by women, with a strong focus on the concerns and strengths and desires of womanhood.  This is a series about building and maintaining close relationships, both romantic and platonic.  It celebrates beauty, and love, and care.  Bella moves to Forks because she recognizes that her dad is lonely while her mom is quite the opposite, torn between family priorities.  She doesn’t simply subsume her interests to those of other people, but instead actively chooses how and when and where to express her love for her birth family and her found families.  Most of the other major decisions throughout the story — Alice “adopting” Bella, Carlisle moving the family to Alaska, Jacob becoming werewolf beta, the Cullens going up against the Volturi, etc. — are motivated by care and devotion for one’s family and friends.  Even the selfish or morally ambiguous character choices are shown to be motivated by love.  Rosalie tells Edward that Bella died because she genuinely thinks it’ll help him move on.  Victoria creates an army that nearly destroys Forks because she’s avenging James.  Alice abandons Bella and the others before the final battle because if she can’t save her entire family, then she’ll settle for saving her lover before letting him die in vain.

Not only is there a striking concern with love and care, but there’s also a strong commitment to avoiding violence.  Bella’s eventual vamp-superpower proves to be preventing violence and protecting others, an awesome character decision that I’d argue gets set up as early as the first book.  She lives in a violent world — this is a YA SF story, after all — but she has the power to suppress violence and create peace, both in herself and others.  I was already sick of “power = ability to inflict damage” in YA stories well before I knew the word “patriarchy.”  Twilight was one of the first books to convey to me that power could be refusing to do harm in spite of hunger or anger, that power could be shielding ones’ family, that power could be about building enough friendships and alliances to have an army at one’s back when facing an enemy too strong to take on alone.

Closely connected to all of that love and care, I love how much Twilight is about navigating teenage girlhood.  Is it empowering, intersectional, or all-inclusive?  Hell no.  Does it still dare to suggest that a completely ordinary teenage girl could have valid concerns about the world?  Yep.  The main conflict of the story, as Stephen King so derisively explained, is about the romantic entanglements of a teenage girl, and the book therefore has no literary merit.  (To quote my dad’s response: “Bold words from the guy who inflicted Firestarter on the world.”)

There is, indeed, a lot of romance in Twilight.  There are a lot of clothes.  Alice and Rosalie especially spend a lot of time on makeup, and hair, and choosing the prettiest cars and houses.  Twilight embraces all the stereotypically “girly” concerns of adolescence, and makes no effort to apologize for or condemn them.  Bella isn’t particularly good at performing them — she likes but doesn’t excel at shopping, fiercely defends her ugly car as ugly, hobbles through prom on crutches — but she can still enjoy the feeling of being pretty in a sparkly dress while dancing with her sparkly boyfriend.  And Twilight, like Animorphs with Cassie, takes the daring step of treating that feeling as valid.

Speaking of sparkles, I love the commitment to the fantasy concept in Twilight, including the myriad mundanities that Meyer brings with that commitment.  If you have super-speed, why not use it to play extreme baseball?  If you’re a mindreader with a clairvoyant sister, why wouldn’t you two play mental chess games?  I couldn’t tell you, after seven seasons of Buffy or eight of Vampire Diaries, what Spike or Damien or Angel or Stefan does all day when not brooding or lurking in the bushes to creep on human women.  I can tell you what the Cullens get up to.  Emmett and Rosalie work on their cars, usually by holding them overhead one-handed.  Carlisle and Alice read plays, and sometimes talk the whole family into home Shakespeare productions.  Edward and Carlisle debate theology, Emmett and Jasper have dumb athletic competitions, Edward and Esme play music, Alice manipulates stock markets, the twins go shopping online, etcetera.  The Cullens feel real, feel like the vampires next door, in a way that Louis and Lestat simply do not.

To get to the elephant in the room — I just described Twilight as a feminist text! — let’s talk about the other thing the Cullens do for fun: they have sex.  Weird sex.  Kinky furniture-breaking sex.  Sex that Emmett (who would know) compares to bear-wrestling.  These books suck with regards to queer representation, but they are sex-positive.  They feature an old-school Anglican protagonist offering his daughter-in-law a medical abortion.  They treat Edward’s desire for sex only within marriage and Alice’s desire for sex outside of marriage as both being valid.  Like I said, not groundbreaking, even by the standards of 2005, but still more than most teen novels do even today.

There’s a passage from Breaking Dawn that people love to pull out of context as “everything wrong with Twilight in two paragraphs” because it describes Bella waking up the morning after sex with bruises on her arms.  That moment is shocking out of context, to be sure — but in context, it’s the end result of an in-depth consent negotiation that lasts four books.  Bella says that she’d like to become a vampire.  Edward says okay, but only if she spends a few more years living as a human and considering that choice.  Bella says okay, but only if Edward, not Carlisle, becomes the one to turn her.  Edward says they can use his venom, but that Carlisle, who’s an MD, really needs to supervise the process.  Bella doesn’t love the idea of Edward’s stepdad cockblocking what’s supposed to be an intimate moment, and so agrees only on the grounds that she gets to have sex with Edward as a human first.  Edward’s hella Catholic, so he requests that they get married first.  Bella’s super horny, so she demands that the wedding happen within six months.  Edward says that he might hurt her during sex, and Bella says that she wants a little hurt during sex.  They marry.  They bang.  During the banging, Edward makes every effort to be controlled and courteous and gentile, while Bella goes wild and crazy.  The next morning, she has bruises and he does not.  Edward apologizes, but Bella’s actually really into it.  She spends a while admiring her sexy vamp-marked self in the mirror, touches the bruises many times, and reminds us yet again that Bella Swan’s whole M.O. is being a monsterfucker.  Her kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.

To be clear, I think there are other aspects of the romance that get criticized for good reason.  Edward does not negotiate with Bella before sneaking into her room to watch her sleep, and he does make unacceptable use of their power differences when he thinks she’s in danger of being mauled by werewolves.  The text condemns Jacob’s “don’t wanna die a virgin” ploy to manipulate a kiss out of Bella, but not the wider conceit of all the male characters as possessing uncontrollable urges.  Bella’s struggles to adjust to a new town feel very feminine and realistic; her amused tolerance of Jacob’s and Mike’s sexual harassment as the price for their friendship does not.  Werewolf imprinting might be mostly platonic, but that doesn’t make it okay for Meyer to depict it as a form of soulmate bonding that happens with child characters. Those are good points, all around.  I just wish that most of them didn’t come up in the context of post-hoc rationalizations for loathing the femininity of a feminine text.

I’m not calling Twilight an unproblematic series.  I’m saying that it gets (rightly!) criticized for appropriating Quileute culture, while Buffy’s total absence of main characters of color and blatant anti-Romani racism are (wrongly!) not remarked upon. I'm saying that I’ve been told I’m a misogynist for liking Twilight but not for liking James Bond.  I’m saying that there’s a reason people tend to go “oh, that makes so much sense!” when I let them in on the fact that reactive hatred for “Twitards” started and spread on 4Chan, later home of Gamergate and incel culture.  I’m saying that Twilight depicts problematic relationship dynamics as sexy — but then so do Vampire Academy, Blue Bloods, Supernatural, Vladimir Tod, and Vampire Diaries.  All of which take the time to stop and thumb their noses at Twilight, smug in the superiority of having vampires that fly rather than vampires that sparkle, and for thoroughly condemning teenage girls for being girly while continuing to show men inflicting violence on them.

After all, as Erin May Kelly puts it: “we live in a world taught to hate everything to do with little girls.  We hate the books they read and the bands they like.  Is there anything the world makes fun of more than One Direction and Twilight?”  No one has ever called me a misogynist for liking the MCU, in spite of less than a third of its movies even managing to clear the low-low bar of the Bechdel test.  Because people are still allowed to like Harry Potter in spite of its racism, or Lord of the Rings despite its imperialism.  Because hatred for Twilight was never about its very real sexism, or the genuinely silly sparkle-vampires, until it had to justify itself as something other than hate for everything that teenage girls have ever dared openly love.

I enjoy the novels, and I enjoy the fan fiction that tries to fix some of the problems with the novels.  I appreciate the extent to which Meyer has elevated fan culture, and made an effort to acknowledge her own past mistakes.  I would love to be able to talk about my love for the series as a flawed but beautiful work of literature, but for now I’ll settle for asking that the world just let me enjoy it in peace.

[laemony]

What I’ve read in 2020!

Welcome back to this thing I started in 2017 and still don’t know WHY it should matter!

2017  2018  2019

This year has been a shit show but I must admit I’ve read quite a lot (who knew that staying at home with nothing else to do, except watching the world burn, could lead to this?!) Anyway! This is it, enjoy!

WAR AND PEACE, L. TOLSTOY – biggest book I’ve ever read in my life, I don’t know how but it’s never boring, I loved the characters and I adored the historical knowledge; the two subjects mix, when people are at war they miss peace, and when they are at peace they miss and look for war; it’s full of time skips in a very Russian fashion… only thing it bothered me, in my edition at least, all the paragraphs written in French didn’t have a translation, I hope I didn’t lose too many infos lol 8,5/10

PERSUASION, J. AUSTEN – this book! A surprise, a revelation, a discovery! Brilliant! Funny! Lovely! Anne’s expressions of her family are hilarious; one of my favourites so far, even if “lost love who is not as forgotten as you thought they would be” sounds way too much like the story of my life 10/10

THE YEARS, V. WOOLF – it felt lonely, yet lively; a bit hopeless, but not too sad; the chatter, the teasing, is all very familiar, as if she wrote about my own family; simple in its day-to-day life; felt like autumn (if it makes sense????) 8/10

THE DEAD SOULS, N. GOGOL – ridiculous characters, ridiculous conversations, I loved the ironic way it depicts Russian society and its people; the last chapter is a mess, I couldn’t imagine how it could end and to be honest I still have no idea 7,5/10

THE PROCESS, F. KAFKA – no time-line; not a single emotion, not from the characters neither from the author; a cold, indifferent depiction of a series of facts, which are everything but clear; not an inch of silence, just words; it tired me out, I just needed a bit more silence 5/10

THE WHITE GUARD, M. BULGAKOV – I simply love how he writes (wrote??) and his characters are always so unique and interesting; I adore the references to Tolstoy and Dostoevskij; this book has more of a painting than a book; it’s an impressive recount of a fundamental historical moment; the end is not clear but beautiful 9,5/10

THE HANDMAID’S TALE, M. ATWOOD – I thought I wouldn’t have been able to stomach it, and then I found out that there’s a right way to tell a story about violence and she mastered it; cruel people are just that, no craziness, no dark past, just thirst for power and the confidence of knowing what’s best for everyone; it gave me chills, it made me angry; I love how she writes, it’s the first time a first person pov doesn’t make me want to tear my eyes off my face… people who watched the series: do you know what’s the real name of Offred? I need it 10/10

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, J. AUSTEN – as usual, her books must be read in one breath; Jane and Charles’ story is my favourite; I love Mr Bennet as much as I can’t suffer everyone’s sisters (except Miss Darcy of course); it has an amazing mix of characters, I absolutely love the drama that follows Mr Darcy; I honestly expected a more dramatic confession at the end but it was great 9/10

NOTES FROM A DEATH HOUSE, F. DOSTOEVSKY – a bit too auto-biographic for my tastes, but I adored his depiction of a humanity which is often forgotten; it’s very disturbing in its actuality if you stop to think about it; he never tires himself saying that those “criminals” are also and foremost human beings 7,5/10

ASYLUM, P. MCGRATH – the first part is fast-paced, it leaves you breathless and with an anxious need to keep on reading; then it started to be a little more psychological and it kinda bored me; I liked the narrator very much, it was really disturbing 7,5/10

DOCTOR ZIVAGO, B. PASTERNAK – every Russian book I’ve read gave me a glimpse of Russian history and culture, yet they’re all different and I think that’s often underappreciated. Now, this book. This book is, simply put, breath-taking. The landscapes are immense and colourful, the talent of this man is unparalleled; it has a devastating end, it’s a book I’ll probably read over and over again just ‘cause reading it is “such a sweet sorrow” 10/10 (this rec is shorter than what it should have been in my mind, but I’d probably end up talking about this book and only this book so that’s it, it’s called self-control)

EMMA, J. AUSTEN – at first I was annoyed by Emma’s character, but then she proved herself so oblivious it started to become pretty funny; I can’t get over how much people talk in this book, the irony is SO on point, I love it; I probably like it more than Persuasion, because there are so many twists that the ending left me really surprised for once. And let me tell you, Jane Austen is THE BEST at depicting insufferable people 10/10

UNO, NESSUNO, E CENTOMILA, L. PIRANDELLO – look at me, reading Italian literature, world must be ending… to be honest? I don’t remember much of it? And I didn’t take notes as I usually do? I must’ve been bored out of my mind… I’ll give it a 6/10 on trust alone because I know Pirandello is great lol

HIS DARK MATERIALS, P. PULLMAN – finally got to this and it left me pretty confused; the first book is great, I loved the characters and the scenery, but in the other two I felt like too many things were left unexplained and Lyra’s character too lost some of its greatness; the end brought very little clarity, if at all, and of course I hated it with a passion; I don’t think he expressed the maximum potential of the world he built, but I liked it alright 7,5/10

1984, G. ORWELL – saying I was disappointed might be an understatement; I like how it’s written but the story in itself is frustrating, frankly boring, and disappointing, especially the end; you don’t build so much tension just to end it like that! Tho, maybe that’s exactly what he wanted to convey; everything is pretty much hopeless, made me angry 7/10

CARRIE, S. KING – first of his book I’ve ever read, AND I LOVED IT; it’s not a style I like very much, letting us know how it will end since the beginning, but it was great, magnificent, empowering; I don’t know if I’ll ever have the patience to read the others (they’re all so big) but this certainly got me curious 9/10

JACOB’S ROOM, V. WOOLF – confusing, very confusing, more confusing than anything of hers; of course it’s very beautifully written, but I have no idea what happened there 6,5 maybe 7/10?

THE WITCH, S. JACKSON – my personal Halloween challenge begins with this; short, CREEPY, VERY CREEPY, to the point (what point?); absolutely loved it 8/10

THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE, S. JACKSON – listen, creepy houses are my jam, they’re the best; my first impression of the characters went like this: they’re all batshit crazy, I love them; it honestly gave me nightmares; I wish I would’ve read it in English tho 8/10

THE ABC MURDERS, A. CHRISTIE – the queen of plot-twists herself, she never disappoints; not my favourite, mind you, but it was great how she built the story of the murderer just to… well, you’ll have to read it 7,5/10

THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF USHER, E. A. POE – I love when short stories such as this leave so much space around them to build whatever plot your imagination can come up with; it’s great, even left like it is 8/10

THE PENELOPIAD, M. ATWOOD – whatever guys, this woman has the ability to write the worst things in such a delicate way simply out of this world; I ADORE HER 9/10

THE UNCOMMON READER, A. BENNETT – hilarious from start to finish, kinda frustrating in the way only royal etiquette can be; I love how the Queen relates to others and I adored her inner monologue; the end is brilliant and the whole book (more or less 100 pages) feels like a breath of fresh air 8/10

THEATRE

THE COMEDY OF ERRORS, W. SHAKESPEARE – funny, brilliant, it became one of my favourite comedies (and there aren’t many of them) 8/10

CYMBELINE, W. SHAKESPEARE – nice little thing, with all the ingredients of a tragedy but with a happy ending; for a moment I thought it would end in a King Lear’s way, glad it didn’t 7,5/10

THE TAMING OF THE SHREW, W. SHAKESPEARE – the first of Shakespeare’s plays that I didn’t like at all, and I think the reasons are pretty clear to whoever has read it; it kinda felt “out of character” for him, but maybe I’m just an ignorant 4/10

POETRY and LETTERS

ARIEL, S. PLATH – raw, powerful, sad, everything I expected of it, I also have the best edition ever, she’s great 8/10

POEMS FROM THE MOOR, E. BRONTE – the talent, the power of this woman; I’ll cry the loss of the Gondal’s saga for the rest of my life 8/10

LETTERS TO A YOUNG POET, R. M. RILKE – amazing, the thins this man could write even in such a trivial thing as a letter, I love him 10/10

MARINA CVETAEVA – I must admit, I like her prose better than her poetry; her letters are heart breaking yet so full of enthusiasm you can’t help but feel for her; also, she loves Boris as much as I do, her letters to him are my favourite thing in the world 9/10

BORIS PASTERNAK – this man was the best present this year could give me, do yourself a favour and go read him 10/10

SPECIAL MENTION: THE SECRET HISTORY, D. TARTT – I may have a problem with her books, but I’ve started this in January and never got the patience to finish it; chapters WAY too long, characters that are so insufferable they can’t be real; pretentious, boring… I can’t give it a rating because I didn’t finish it and I’m not a monster, but the bar is very low

This is it I guess! I hope I gave you a little bit of entertainment, this is something I usually do for myself but I’m glad to share with you every year. I wish you a better end of 2020 than the whole, stay strong and stay safe!  A virtual hug to everyone 💚💚💚 

[orbit-intl]

210130 KStyle Vol. 2 ― ORβIT, a strong wish for 2021. “We’d like to see fans at a live event… we have so many things we want to do (laughs)”

Vol. 2 ― ORβIT, a strong wish for 2021. “We’d like to see fans at a live event… we have so many things we want to do (laughs)”

ORβIT is a Japanese-Korean group composed of 7 unique members. They released their long-awaited debut album in November last year, to which many fans responded with enthusiastic support. 

It has almost been a year since ORβIT was formed and announced on February 9, 2020. We asked them about the steps that led to the decision of forming the group and questions about the reason for their career choices as an artist. 

ENG TRANSLATION BY ORBIT_INTL   Source: KStyle News DO NOT RE-USE, REUPLOAD OR RE-TRANSLATE WITHOUT PERMISSION

― How have you been spending this time since the announcement on February 9th last year?

HEECHO: Now that I think of it, it went by so quickly, but a big part of 2020 was the fact that we couldn’t see each other. We could communicate via phone calls or video calls, but I’m sure it was hard for the members and the staff were also worried for the members. We did receive the songs to practice at home and think of the choreography, but there wasn’t much I could do on my own. I just kept thinking “if only I could be with them (the members)”. And Shunya was always crying. 

SHUNYA: I wasn’t always crying (laughs)! But, not being able to see each other was hard. With the ongoing pandemic, there was nobody you could blame for the hardships we went through, so I’d sometimes get annoyed on my own. That’s when the other members would talk to me and that was very helpful. I think we got even closer because we had the chance to speak so much more in this situation. 

JUNE: Yes, because we were able to talk a lot when things were hard. We’d discuss what we should do from now on when things were getting hard, have heart-to-heart conversations at the dorm, and spend time together. I think that’s why we’re so close now. 

SHUNYA: The video calls helped so much. Even though we were separated in Japan and Korea, we were able to speak while seeing each other’s faces, so it was good.

TOMO: Yeah. There are some of us who’d like some words of encouragement when things get hard or some of us who’d rather be left alone for a while, so we respect that and we spend time together, it was great.

JUNE: At the end, we were all like “there’s no use to overthink everything, so let’s just do what we can do!” and that’s how we got here. 

SHUNYA: Even for our music work, we’ve been helped a lot by the internet. We weren’t able to meet the people who bought our CDs to thank them, so we kept thinking what we could do instead. We were able to hold an online signing event, so I hope we were able to convey some of the feelings of gratitude we have.

HEECHO: But because the date of release got pushed back, we were able to spend more time on the production process of the album. There are some parts that we were able to be more particular about, especially because of the current situation.

The 7 of them with each their own different turning points in life

― You started off as an artist with the album “00”, but what were the turning points in your artist life?

HEECHO: I like dancing and I wanted to be a dancer, but my mother wouldn’t agree with it and she suggested that I become a singer instead. But I’m not good at singing, I can’t rap either, so I continued although I wasn’t sure of where I was headed to. When I was in highschool, I got sick and the doctor told me “you might not be able to dance and sing anymore” and I was very shocked. I realized that I must really like the job if I was that shocked. Then, I started taking it more seriously from there on.

JUNE: It was popular at the time and I would listen to Eminem at first because I happened to buy a CD, but I wasn’t planning on starting rapping at the time. Later on, K-POP came in from Korea and I felt a different charm from Japanese music that I had been listening to until then. I like music that mixes up different genres and rap and I found different groups from there. My impression on idols changed and it broadened my horizons. My brother joined a performing arts school and I joined as well. I think that was a turning point as well.

SHUNYA: I’ve always liked dancing ever since I was small, but I disliked singing and I wasn’t great at it. When I saw K-Pop artists in university, I thought I wanted to become someone who would be looked up to as well, so I got very interested in dance and music. Still, I was looking for a regular job like everyone else too. When I went to an interview for a promotion company for artists, I was told “When I hear about your experience and what you like and want to do, it seems like you are more suited to become someone who expresses themselves through art.” It made me realize again that I wanted to become an artist in the music industry.

YUGO: I liked K-Pop artists, so I’d copy them dancing. I usually get very easily bored out of things, but the one thing I’ve been able to continue is dancing. When I became a university student and started considering career paths, I decided to challenge what I want to do. Actually, I couldn’t get into any of my ideal universities and I went to the one where I can get in by recommendation. But if I had been accepted to the one of the universities I wanted to go initially, I would’ve continued studying and I wouldn’t have gone into the entertainment university. That’s why I think that failing entrance exams was a hard experience, but it was a turning point now that I look back to it.

YOUNGHOON: I got into university and I wanted to be part of a band as a keyboardist, but I was asked “do you want to become a vocalist?”. Then, I told them “Huh? Vocalist? I can’t.” and I gave up. After that, I tried getting into the tennis club but the seniors looked scary, and so I gave up (laughs). Then, I found a dancer I liked… Wait, where am I at in the story? Anyways, to summarize, I got into university and I wanted to be part of a band… (He keeps circling around the same story.)

Everyone except YOUNGHOON: It’s ok!!! We get it!! (Laughter)

YOUNGHOON: The seniors at the dance school were all very nice. I didn’t really have hobbies before, but I started having bigger dreams after starting to dance.

YOONDONG: Until I was 20, I never thought I would do a job where I had to appear in public, but my feelings of admiration grew gradually. My parents told me I couldn’t become a singer if I didn’t go to university, so I chose to study acting in university. After that, I attended for 2 months, but I realized I wanted to be a singer after all so I went ahead and got into the industry. That’s my turning point.

TOMO: Me too, just like Shunya, I never liked singing and I hated going to karaoke, but I became very passionate about it after I got into high school. I started to think that I’d be very happy if I could do a job where I could sing, so I attended many auditions after graduating high school, but never made it. Every time I’d go to an audition, I kept telling myself “If I don’t make it for this one, it’s going to be the last one”. After that. I decided I’d start working on myself and started a ship job to save up money for two years. Even then, I knew I still wanted to be an artist, but I couldn’t say it to my parents. I didn’t want to worry them about the tuition fees or the instability of the job. Still, I couldn’t give up in the end and I gave up my job completely to go back to doing auditions. My grandparents both came from musician families, so I was hoping I had some of their DNA flowing in me too.

HEECHO: Tomo definitely has some of it! (the DNA)

TOMO: It’d be great if I really did.

The 7 are now together as ORβIT - “We’d like to meet fans at a live event in 2021.”

― You came together as a group and you are now ORβIT, but could you please tell us about how and why you got together?

HEECHO: I had been listening to everyone’s concerns for a while, but “what we should do from now on” became a topic one day. That’s why I suggested we all work together with these members and that I’d take responsibility for it. Then, I started talking to people, looking for people who could help, and it became like this,

YUGO: When we became a group, I was mostly very happy to be able to do this with the people I like and I was hoping we can do what we want to do.

TOMO: When the talk about doing something with the 7 of us came up, all the other options I had previously were gone for me. Heecheon-san took the lead to do things like setting up an agency, but we try not to put all the weight on the leader. We each have our responsibilities which we established altogether.

― You started your activities in 2020 and 2021 will definitely be an even busier year for you. I’m sure EαRTHs are excited as well.

HEECHO: First and foremost, I hope everyone in the world can have a healthy year this year. As ORβIT, we have the general outline of the year set, so it would be great if we can follow those plans.

SHUNYA: I hope we can spend more time altogether compared to 2020. The time we are spending together right now makes me so happy, I keep wishing everyday that if only this time could continue forever.

JUNE: When we look back at 2020, the fact that we are together right now feels like a dream.

YOUNGHOON: I hope the virus will be gone in 2021.

TOMO: Yes, and I really want to do live events too.

― You haven’t been able to hold live events yet. I bet your feelings of wanting to be on stage must be blowing up?

Everyone: Yes, that’s true.

SHUNYA: We definitely have a lot of ideas (laughs).

HEECHO: It’s part of a singer’s job to sing at live events, so I’d like to work soon. It’s really just that.

TOMO: We haven’t been able to perform in front of EαRTHs yet, so it’d be great if we could soon.

― Is there anything you want to do at a live event?

SHUNYA: I want to throw signed balls! (Throwing pose)

YOUNGHOON: I want to jump into the audience! (Everyone: No you can’t do that~!)

JUNE: I want to throw water to the audience! Like in summer festivals! It’d be great to do our own event, or to be part of an outdoor event too, I hope we can be part of one.

YOUNGHOON: I want to do an outdoor concert during daytime.

YOONDONG: I want to do a night time concert outdoors. The lights will be very pretty. I can’t wait to be able to do concerts.

(Younghoon and Yoondong discuss whether day time or night time is better, while the other members laugh.)

Everyone: So it’s 24 hours! We want to do it all the time (laughs)!!

― We’re very excited for you to hold a live event as well! We also heard you are preparing for a mini album in April. Can you tell us about the theme and the songs?

HEECHO: I think there are many songs with mature themes. The release date is in spring, so there might be many sad songs. I hope we can show a mature side with the performance, including dance. “00” was a very complete album, so there is a little bit of pressure that pushes us to make something even better. Outside of that, considering what we want to express, we’d like to show a mature side as we are getting older. 

JUNE: Even as we are preparing the songs, we do feel like we all matured.

SHUNYA: There are also plants because it’s April… It isn’t set in stone yet, but I’ll keep the hint hanging (laughs).

TOMO: It’s still in preparation, but we’d like to practice a lot and bring up the overall quality since we have the chance to see each other like this.

ENG TRANSLATION BY ORBIT_INTL Source: KStyle News DO NOT RE-USE, REUPLOAD OR RE-TRANSLATE WITHOUT PERMISSION

[aewriting]

My off-the-cuff reactions to Roswell NM 2x02

POST 2

(This is the post specifically about my responses to the whole Michael, Alex, and Maria dynamics).

First and foremost, the main thing that stood out to me was the scene in which Michael comes to Alex's house (still funny to me that he has a house, covered in little decorative lights.  Um...) and asks him for more information about his mother. I'm going to focus, first, on this exchange:

Alex: "I can help you, Guerin."

Michael (gets up from the truck): "No. I don't, uh, think we should be working together."

So, when I first watched this, I immediately thought of the previous episode and the interaction with the guitar, especially Michael's line that he doesn't want to play Alex's guitar.  There's been some great commentary about Michael and the idea of owing others.  Here is a guy that not only doesn't like to owe others anything, but in his upbringing likely experienced "good things" as coming with a price.  And the sad thing (and the aspect of their communication that is so difficult), is that Michael puts Alex is in this category, too.  Alex gave him a place to stay and a guitar... then tried to kiss him.  He gets to be physically intimate with Alex, then gets his hand smashed in an attack from his father and loses Alex to the military.  Now, I do not think that Alex has intended for Michael to have these associations with him.  I think he was genuinely trying to be nice back in high school, and I think that we the audience have more information about his upbringing with his father than Michael does.  But these elements all contribute to this difficult dynamic between the two of them, in which Alex offers something (whether it's physical intimacy, a guitar, or help, in this case), and Michael feels obligated.  By declining Alex's offer of help, here, I think Michael is, in part, avoiding feeling that he owes Alex something.

But the OTHER part relates to this:

Alex: "It's just work."

Michael: "I like Maria, okay? I like being around her. Don't think she likes being around me much right now, so maybe this is pointless."

Because, if I had no horse in this race (cough cough Malex cough cough, ha), this is actually a really good and mature idea!  Like, if you are broken up and trying to start a new relationship with someone else, staying away from your ex (if possible) and not doing emotionally-laden work with them is probably a really good idea, ha! Now, the way Michael conveys that here is not necessarily the best, but I don't think the sentiment is misguided.

The part that IS interesting, to me, is that, while Michael is so sensitive to accepting the help and "charity" of others, he is very free with offering his own help to Maria in this episode.  Which again, makes sense to me!  He likes her!  He wants to impress her and help her.  He is concerned about her.  Maria is the one who is more wary of Michael here, for I think similar reasons that Michael is wary of Alex's help - she does not necessarily want to owe this guy that she is not fully sure she can really trust and rely on... which is probably going to make the alien reveal even tougher.

One thing I thought this episode did well, with Maria and Michael's dynamic, is show some commonality and concern related to socioeconomic status.  When Maria comes to the Airstream and mentions that she's hired a private detective, Michael's first comment is that it sounds expensive. Maria makes a comment about how she knows how to hustle, and then she's holding that "Woman as Warrior" retreat.  Like, she is doing what she has to do, something that I think Michael understands and respects in a more fundamental way than some of the other characters.

A few more stray observations about Malex in this episode, all surrounding Alex in uniform (not like that, ha). In the cold opening, we get to see Alex fully in uniform, being very professional.  There is this dialogue:

Alex: "Top of the line security. Can't be hacked."

Michael: "What did you tell your team?"

Alex: "They didn't ask questions.  They obey my orders."

While I think this could be read as competency and a reminder of Alex's high-ranking status on one level, to me it was also a callback to Michael's grievances with Alex in the previous episode, to this idea that he (paraphrasing here) never said no to Alex, went along with what he said - in essence, he didn't ask questions, and he obeyed orders.  Now, he didn't have to do that, but I found the callback interesting. And there may be an element of truth to the idea that, after 10 years in the military, Alex probably IS used to being obeyed without question, something that doesn't always translate well to a personal life dynamic.

I know others have talked about this, but the symbolism of Alex's uniform to Michael was very front and center in this episode.  Michael flat-out says to Alex, "The uniform, I just never get used to it." Michael's negative associations with Alex and Alex's family legacy have to be particularly strong when Alex is in uniform.

[guylty]

My annual social media Lent is coming up. From Ash Wednesday I will abstain from Twitter for the next 6 and a half weeks (until Easter Sunday), allowing me to recalibrate a little and concentrate on other things. Such as my blog – or RAnet. That means I need blog fodder. Almost four weeks have passed since The Stranger launched on Netflix. Enough time to assume that most fans and readers have watched the show and will not be spoiled by the discussion of the show. Moreover, some more in-depth discussions have already started in the comments. Last weekend, for instance, we got into the intracacies of the “bar scene” in episode 4 of TS, talking about the casting, costuming and directing of that particular scene and how we, as women of a particular age reacted to that scene.

However, it would probably make more sense to start at the beginning. So anyone who’d like to discuss TS with me, you are welcome to write your observations, reactions and opinions in the comments. I know I am kind of launching into this without announcement. But by doing this episode by episode, I hope you can follow along and catch up with individual episode if need be. I’ll also try and summarise every episode at the beginning of each review post so we know what we are talking about. Hm, I may need to rewatch the show for that. The hardship!!! However, the discussion will probably focus on the plot… eh… Adam. Anyhow, I hope you’ll join me and share your thoughts either here – or your own blog, if you are blogging, too.

The Stranger – Episode 1 Recap

Prior to the trailer, TS starts with teenagers at a bonfire party, culminating in a naked boy escaping through the dark forest. The plot then begins with the Price boys driving in the car to the football club where younger son Ryan is trying out for the A team. While at the club, daddy Adam briefly speaks with his wife Corinne on the phone. She is away at a teachers’ conference while Adam looks after their sons. In the clubhouse, Adam is approached by “a stranger” who reveals a devastating secret to him: His wife faked her pregnancy a couple of years ago. He is shocked and disturbed.

Once back home after football training, Adam can’t resist checking the details the stranger passed on to him, and sure enough, his suspicions are confirmed – there is a credit card payment for a fishy website called Novelty Funsy, and the ultrasound scan of the miscarried baby does not quite match the ones of his two sons. Meanwhile, Adam’s elder son Thomas heads out to the bonfire party with his friends.

The next morning, police woman Johanna investigates a bizarre crime scene of a decapitated alpaca in the city centre. With her DS, she drives to a nearby alpaca farm to confirm where the animal came from. On their return trip their attention is attracted by some pieces of clothing in the forest. They follow the trail of clothes and find a naked body. The young man is still alive.

Adam meanwhile looks after his day job – he is the legal advisor to an obstinate tenant who refuses to move out of a house that has been earmarked for demolition. Upon his return, Corinne arrives back from her conference and Adam receives confirmation that the mysterious credit card payments are for a website that provides fake pregnancy products. He immediately confronts Corinne. She does neither deny nor explain why or what she did, only hinting that there is more to it than he thinks. The Prices spend the night in separate bedrooms.

The next morning Adam observes Corinne taking a phone call outside the house. She later suggests to Adam that they talk later that day after a school awards ceremony where she will explain all. However, Corinne never shows to the event. Adam receives a text message asking for some time apart.

The episode ends with Thomas revealing the decapitated alpaca head in his cupboard.

  Episode 1 – Discuss

So, first of all – I have watched the first episode about three and a half times. Twice on my own, once with hubster, and finally today a quick run-through for the sake of the recap where I fast forwarded through a lot of scenes, focussing on Adam mostly. I couldn’t help it… My first response to the show at the very first viewing was – WOW! I remember that I was fully engaged during every minute of it – even the scenes and story lines that Richard did not feature in. Granted, I was most interested  with the “grown-up” arcs, not least because anything involving drugs and other goings-on with teenagers makes *this* mama really worried. But having said that, I think the first episode was very effective in establishing the storylines and the characters. Hence the show spends most time following Adam (Richard Armitage) – as a father, as a lawyer and as a husband. Then there are the two police officers who also are presented as round characters – the middle-aged senior officer Johanna (Siobhan Finneran) approaching retirement who has just decided to split from her husband, and her much younger partner, a gay black man. Adam’s son Thomas also gets a good bit of screen time with his friends, making him more than just secondary. Other secondary characters include first and foremost Dervla Kirwan as Corinne, Stephen Rea as obstinate tenant Martin, and Jennifer Saunders as Johanna’s BFF Heidi.

So, the first watch was highly exciting and addictive, so much so that I basically binged the whole show. On second and subsequent views, I found the episode not quite as fast and exciting anymore – only natural, as a lot of time was actually spent setting up the characters and the various story lines: Johanna waking up in bed to her snoring husband; Johanna meeting Heidi in her café; observing the teenagers at their bonfire party; visiting Dante in hospital…

RA is the natural focal point from the get-go. Not only for fangirls, I might add. The show is really good at setting him up as the perfect family man who obviously has great rapport with his sons, both the “difficult” almost grown-up older son, but also the younger lad who needs a different kind of care than a young adult. I found the casting really great, with Thomas definitely matching the tall, dark, handsome vibes of TV-dad Richard, and younger boy Ryan more a mirror of his blond, curly-haired TV-mum. They all have great chemistry together, and found Misha Handley (Ryan) very natural and convincing. Jacob Dudman as Thomas was also great.

… really aged well… hehe

RA really shines in the confrontation scenes, both with the stranger and with his wife, when he has to convey both suppressed anger and outright fury at having been deceived. Both his major scenes with Corinne are very convincing, and I appreciated the decision to make Adam extremely angry, on the verge of volatile, when Corinne refuses to explain her actions. Adam’s anger is immediate, raw and confused and Armitage really draws the viewer on his side with his emotional outburst. So much so that I basically missed Dervla Kirwan’s nuanced acting in that scene. On second and subsequent viewings, once you know how the show ends and why she doesn’t want to talk immediately, you start to notice the little things: her refusal to talk has more to do with fear than with anger or denial. She is afraid of actually addressing the fact that the reason for her faked pregnancy will also bring another secret out in the open, and the subsequent discussion (which she had successfully avoided by faking the pregnancy in the first place) will now have to take place. What might have looked as callous or dismissive at first viewing, conveys much more detail the second time round: there is a sadness to Corinne that Kirwan expresses very subtly – in a slight pause, or the tiniest glance into the mid-distance. The same applies to their second and much calmer confrontation the next morning. What might have looked almost callous on first viewing, gains much more weight when you watch it with prior knowledge of the plot. When Adam says he has lost trust in her, Corinne replies “it hurts, doesn’t it?“. The question tag really stood out to me on first viewing. It confused me. Why is she phrasing it like that? It of course became clear in episode 4, but again, Kirwan really gave it a spin by loading it with subtle sadness that doesn’t only confuse the viewer but also Adam. Armitage here kept his response at just the right level of confusion without giving away how much Adam really recognises or understands what she was hinting at. RA reacts with great detail expressions. No words are needed. And in hindsight you can see how he begins to wonder whether she knows about his affair. Loved it.

Let’s talk a bit about Armitage’s look in this show. Such a spectacle!

Yes, I like details like that. The jury is still out on whether this is a prescription that Armitage wrote into the script himself 😂, or whether we just had a costume department that is on the ball. Yes, it’s time for the presbyopic lenses. Happens to most of us at around middle age. 🤓 I found it a lovely detail that makes Adam more relatable. Because – a dad bod he has not.

Even if he claims he does. I find this a rather attractive package for a middle aged family man. Also:

Bonus WRP. Needs no further elaboration

But to get back to the look and style – I enjoyed the casual style of Adam. Once again, it felt right – nothing too fancy, with windbreaker, jeans and shirts, and even a tracksuit at home, the perfect attire for a father of two (pre-) teen sons. I was surprised how good RA looked in other colours than just black and blue. The red polo shirt was very nice on him.

I can’t say I am as convinced of the costumes provided for Corinne. In fact, I think there were some rather sledge-hammer style decisions going on there, putting the wife and mother into rather dowdy, pale pink mom trousers and giving her a hole-pattern, fluffy knit jumper. Then there was that turquoise dress that went slightly longer than her knees – apparently the work wear for female teachers in English private schools, judging by an equally frumpy outfit for Corinne’s colleague and friend Vicky? (This observation I will come back to in a later post once we get to episode 4.) It just kind of made me think that Corinne was made to look older and less casual than her husband who even attends to his client in jeans and shirt…

Police officer Johanna Griffin OTOH looked *real* and great. (I kept double-taking because O’Brien’s severe look kept coming back to me.) And I loved Heidi’s funky style – very much the slightly crazy café-owner with a café as stylish as herself… And can we also mention the Price’s residence here? There were only quick first glimpses of their house – but oh, that stylist made it a gorgeous family home. The garden was beautiful but I can take it or leave it. Too much work – I don’t like to get my fingers dirty. But the dining area with the floor-to-ceiling windows and the sleek white kitchen? Big win, especially because it doesn’t look like a showroom but has photos on the fridge and a mess on the counters.

So episode 1 gets a big thumbs up from me – for introducing us to almost all the characters (some held back for more surprise later on) and establishing the plot. Yes, there is a lot going on here, which I haven’t even all mentioned in the recap: the stranger dropping her first bomb, the Price family life, the secret in Corinne’s past, the tenant who refuses to move out of his home, the colleague who has trouble with her pre-teen daughter, the teenagers who are partying under the influence of drugs, the mystery of the boy who was hunted through the forest, the curious story of the decapitated alpaca, an almost-comic police duo, a police officer who is splitting up with her hubby, her friend, the funky café owner, the gregarious neighbour, the busybody football trainer… Too much? I’d say a lot of it is deliberate overload to distract us, yet give us some extra info about the characters, their work, their life and their environment.

The strategy definitely works when you watch the show for the first time. You are busy dealing with Richard Armitage’s overwhelming handsomeness taking it all in. The questions only really pop up when you watch again.  Such as: When stoned Mike takes the alpaca for a walk into the city centre, why is there no CCTV footage? I mean, nowadays there is hardly *any* urban area that does *not* have CCTV on shops and banks or traffic spots. How come no one saw him decapitating the alpaca, in a city centre? And how did he manage to decapitate it anyway`- it’s hardly a one-chop job?Likewise and with hindsight we know now that Corinne’s text message was not sent by her at all: But how did the sender actually know the password to Corinne’s phone to send that message? I mean, don’t all people lock their phone with a password these days? Possibly nit-picking questions, but that’s the fun of it, isn’t it? You can enjoy a show immensely – and still want to pick a few holes into the plot just to see whether you are cleverer than the writer 😉.

There is probably so much more to discuss, but for the sake of getting the discussion started, here is the post. What is your take on the first episode of TS? Any agreements with me, or disagree? Other points of interest? Let me know in the comments!

Let’s Talk About… #TheStranger – Episode 1 My annual social media Lent is coming up. From Ash Wednesday I will abstain from Twitter for the next 6 and a half weeks (until Easter Sunday), allowing me to recalibrate a little and concentrate on other things.

[svarmodiig]

       SVARMODIIG’S 200 FOLLOWERS CELEBRATION.

Logging onto Inigo this morning, I had mostly planned to celebrate his birthday. What I didn’t expect to see was that, on this already special day, he had hit 200 followers. I’ve roleplayed Inigo for around 5 years now, and though I’ve reset his blog countless times, I never hit a milestone as grand as this before. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who came for Inigo and has stayed for my writing, for the countless headcanons and love I have poured into him, and despite my sporadic activity, continue to support not only me but Inigo, too.

Obviously I need to celebrate this, but what could I offer you all that I haven’t already? This blog is full of writing, and you all write your own characters so beautifully, I couldn’t offer a drabble, not for 200 followers. My art has hit a serious wall and it would be unfair to promise a drawing that may never be completed (ask Savvy her birthday was nearly a month ago and I still haven’t presented a final piece) so then I thought about what makes this blog special. And that’s all of you.

I couldn’t be here if it wasn’t for all of you! I’d just be some madman yelling about Inigo while no one else cared ― writing with all of you has helped me learn new things about Inigo (and my own writing) and the inquiries and discussions about his character has helped him to grow. I wouldn’t have been able to develop him so well on my own.

So rather than celebrating myself, I want to celebrate you. I know that this is going to look like a biased post and I truly hate the concept of mains. Naturally, everyone is going to appreciate their friends first and foremost and want to support them by hyping them up, but we’re all real people on here, and the last thing I want to make myself out to be is exclusive. If it were possible, I’d love to be able to befriend ALL of you, and of course if you consider that within those 200 followers are archived blogs and several blogs from the same people, this looks a little less special. But even then, there’s at least a hundred of you out there, supporting me and that means there are so many of you supporting me. 

So before I start ranting about the friends I have made on this blog, even if I don’t name you specifically, even if we haven’t interacted, I truly value your support and want to thank you for being here with me. I hope one day we can speak ― I know I’ve tried to make my blog look fancy but it’s to cover up my insecurities and shyness so if you can see past that, please reach out! I don’t bite, I promise. I’ll be just as scared as you.

TO MY CLOSE FRIENDS...

I dedicate this section to those of you whom I speak to nearly everyday, even outside of RP antics. A special shoutout to Orange @fatestouched​ who isn’t active anymore but you know how special you are to me already and how much I adore your Owain.

Lauren. @exaltblooded​ / @insignc​ / @brigidbcrn​

We’re coming up to 2 years of friendship in the coming months and that’s honestly so wild to me. You were one of the first friends I made at Uni and I’m so glad we kept in touch outside of gaming society. I’m thankful that you dared to ask if any of us roleplayed on that fateful day. Not only have we grown closer because of that, but your introduction into the FERPC has truly changed the dashboard for me ― not only because of all the crack you begin with Savvy ― but because of the new people I’ve met because of you, which has in turn meant I met new people through them and found myself a little community on the dashboard. Orange and I always kept our little verse to ourselves, but with you we’ve been able to expand it all, and there’s no other Lucina I would ask to join our little family. Thank you for all the memories and rp antics we’ve shared together.

Savvy. @ofconvocation​ / @ofnifl​ / @ofgaspard​ 

I normally like to put names in alphabetical order, but here I have an actual plan. Through Lauren I met you, and through you I met the others below. So before even beginning I have that to thank you for. Savvy ― we speak literally every day, you’ve been there for me through so much and I couldn’t be more grateful. At least once a week you get a little rant from me about how much I love you, but this time it’s public, and that means others will be able to see just how amazing you are (and they’re definitely going to agree with me!) The effort you put into each and every one of your blogs is inspiring, there’s so much love poured into them all and it really shows with their beautiful themes, their icons that more than leave an impression, and most importantly the writing. I think we can all agree you are incredibly talented as a writer and it’s thoroughly enjoyable to write with you when you aren’t starting crack on dash with Lauren. You’re easily one of my biggest supporters and it’s so very rare that I find myself doubting myself with you ready to launch yourself at me if I dare to think I’m anything less than amazing ― I just hope you know I am always ready to return the favour and truly admire you. Thank you for not only the memories but all the beautiful art you’ve gifted to me (and I promise Aurora will be finished by the end of the year.)

Momgan. @askrisms​ / @faerghusiisms​

I don’t care if your name isn’t actually Momgan you will always be just that to me. A lot of our conversations revolve around how amazing I think you are ― and that will never change. All the love and effort you put into Chateau will never be forgotten, and even though it didn’t end in the best light, you never gave up on it. All of your ideas are wonderful, and it’s an honour that I get to write some of my favourite ships with you ― heck, you’re the first person I’ve ever shipped an OC of mine with, because I know I can trust her in your hands and you will show her the same love you show your own muses. I absolutely adore your writing and I could easily read an entire book you wrote if I were able to. I hope that you and I can be friends for a long time, and we can write with one another often. You’re someone I genuinely look up to and I hold nothing but admiration for you. You will always be my Mom.

Ches. @unquiixotic​

I want to start off by saying that while we may not have spoken huge amounts, I absolutely adore you Ches. If you were to ask Savvy or Lauren how much we hype you up, I don’t think between even the three of us we could explain to you just how much admiration there is for you. As a person you are wonderful, always so kind and supportive and a genuine delight to converse with ― and I hope that over time we’ll be able to speak a lot more! I remember from Chateau your struggle to find a muse to write among the many you have, and I honestly at the time wondered how it was possible that you could write so many muses. I understand now that you harbour so much love, and that is put into your many beloved characters. All of them are equally loved, equally developed, and none written worse than the others. With Felix and Sylvain, I believe it will be our first time writing with one another outside of Chateau and I am genuinely excited to see more of your writing style, how you format your posts to convey your characterisations.

To those whom I wish I spoke to more often.

Shine. @beautiilance / @panic--ploy

Confession Time: I honestly was terrified of you for such a long time. Lauren and Savvy hyped you up for a LONG time before we actually got to talk and because of that you were already embedded in my mind as someone who was so cool that I was intimidated to speak to you. I know now you’re a big sinful softy and I had nothing to worry about ― bar your sin ― and I’m glad that we are friends. I’ve been trying to get Lauren and Savvy to add you to servers for a while so that we might get to speak and I’m glad it’s through Three Houses we got that chance to talk, since a new game provides a lot to talk about with all the new content. Like it or not, your Ingrid is attached to my Sylvain (as well as Ches and Mom’s Felix and Dimitri) so you’re stuck with me and we’re going to speak more! I hope in the future we can write with one another more and create some truly special memories.

Boo. @ofhoshido / @fxrmer / @nowithedragon / @misssummoningelizabeth

As one of Savvy’s real life friends, you hold a lot of respect in my heart for dealing with her antics ― I kid of course, that respect is for being there for her. She spoke of you often to me and I’m genuinely glad we got to meet and talk with one another. You’re a lot of fun to talk to and even though I’m shy and afraid to strike up conversations I do genuinely enjoy speaking with you. I hope that we can write more with one another in the future!

Pandora. @shamir-nevrand / (for the life of me I can’t find your other blog I’m sorry!)

We really really really haven’t spoken all that much but I know that Savvy and Lauren absolutely adore you and have sung your praises to the heavens above and it has me really hoping to one day speak to you for when I can stop being such a cuck and not be afraid to strike up a conversation!

...from Tumblr.

to clarify quickly, the three above are all people I’m in servers with on Discord whereas those below I am not and know only really on Tumblr but still want to talk to more!

Jessica. @i-nsubordination / @nonpareiltactician / @f-ortuity

Jessica ― I hope you already know how much I adore you. Naeva is so very special to Inigo and that puts you close to my heart. Their bond is so wonderful to explore, it’s something I’ve always wanted and you make those dreams a reality and I cannot thank you enough for that. When first I returned after my little hiatus you were so enthusiastic about my return and that has stayed with me, and every so often I’ll remember it and smile to myself that someone remembered me and was so happy for my return ― and I never said it but I truly hoped that you would still be here. There are so many things I can say about you ― the way you developed Naeva is genuinely admirable and it’s so lovely to see how much love you poured into her. She feels like a real character and is one I won’t ever forget, even when I’m off thinking about Inigo’s family away from Tumblr Naeva always comes to mind. She’s an unforgettable part of his life now and that means we are bound together. The way you write too is incredible and every post is crafted in such a way that I could read more even when I finish. It’s an honour that I get to write with you and you inspire me to be better. Part of what makes her so special is you, the person behind the screen. You’re genuinely so lovely and supportive and that makes your blog more appealing. I’ve always enjoyed speaking to you and can only hope in the future we get to talk more!

Volty. @i--gnis / @d--evotio

Volty I hope you know how much I adore your Robin ― I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get to use my main verse tag with a Robin, there are so many out there that terrify me and I still remember admiring you from afar. Now, I’ll happily slap that tag onto any post with you involved. I know I vanished so the old thread didn’t get to continue but I would be more than happy to dig it up from beneath the dust piled upon this blog just to see how your Robin gets to father Inigo in his youth. That thread alone so genuinely excites me and I absolutely want to do so much more with you to explore their dynamics. I can’t put into the words the admiration I hold for you and Robin and truly wish we can speak more one day. As for Validar? Bad man, evil keep him away from Inigo he’ll CRY.

Faty. @convxction / @sentofight

FATY I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU! Lauren is your biggest hypeman. For a LONG time she hyped you and your Chrom up to me ― and I had honestly been admiring you from afar for so long before then. You seem like a really genuinely nice person and I want to try and interact with you more to be able to hype you up as well! Importantly, since Lauren considers your Chrom her main and Lucina is part of my main verse, that pulls you in, so like it or not you’re coming down with us into Awakening development hell.

Carol. @heroismdreams

I know we’ve spoken a little before but I’m putting my foot down and saying it’s not enough. I absolutely adore your Cynthia and all the love you’ve poured into her. Her portrayal is wonderfully accurate and I can read all of your posts in her voice. The development you’ve gifted her is an absolute blessing and I really want to see more interactions between her and Inigo!

To those I admire from afar.

Rey. @reycursed

Aegis. @poregida / @azelfire

Pigeon. @valflame / @cicholic

@exalted--zealotry

To each and every one of you, I want to say that I adore each and every one of you. I think your blogs are so hecking amazing and you all seem like such nice people and whenever I see you on dash I’m waving a little banner of support in your name. ― Aegis, I want to apologise for going inactive and our thread dropping with Inigo and Laurent but know that I’ll be bothering you again soon. ― and to the grandfather-in-law from hell I want to highlight how much fun it has been interacting with you in small doses on dash and to say thank you for the fun.

And to those untagged.

I’ve been away from this blog for so long that I know many of those I called friends are no longer here ― and in the same vein those I admired are long gone. Whatsmore, life has been hectic, well and truly hectic and I can only remember so much from my past times on here. There are so many of you that I would love to personally message but this post took 2 hours alone to throw together because I’m so slow and I do want to celebrate Inigo’s birthday.

[starfaring-princelotor]

A little fix thing where lotor tries to understand the concept behind Valentine's day??

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day? Sure, honey. 

When he first heard about this “Valentine’s Day,” Lotor was inwardly ecstatic. A day of love? A day of sharing that love? With friends, family, and significant others? Yes, this sounded like a perfect holiday for him. To express his feelings without saying it. To show his beloved how deeply he cared without speaking those three little words. 

He was going to do everything right. By the book, at least.

The poems. The roses. The chocolates. The large stuffed bear holding a cliche red heart with “I love you” stitched in the center. The surprise rose petal trail leading to the bedroom. A romantic dinner for two at the most fanciest of restaurants in town, followed by a kiss at the beach. During sunset, yes. Or under the moonlight? 

Oh, he couldn’t choose. Let the mood decide. 

Lotor wholeheartedly liked this holiday and, deep down, he was glad you had told him about it. Albeit, with a roll of your eyes when he suggested he wanted YOU to be his Valentine. Whatever that meant. Maybe he didn’t understand the historical aspect of it. Maybe he didn’t really want to focus on it entirely. Maybe…he just wanted to express himself better to you. And this holiday was as good as time as any to put his skills into motion. 

He started with the poem. Early in the morning, before you even fluttered your eyes open, he was reciting stanzas he memorized by heart. “The sun is rising, dear, yet I find myself unable to pull away from you.” A gentle kiss on the forehead. “Does the sound of my voice reach you in those dreams of yours?” The back of his fingers stroked your cheek lovingly, longingly, like you were the most precious gem in all the universes. “I find that my imagination can not weave anything better than being here with you in my arms.” 

You didn’t hear it, but he felt it. You felt it.

Lotor pressed his soft lips upon yours, waking you up with devotion oozing from his voice, “Good morning, beautiful.”

Then came the terribly deformed heart pancakes, dotted with bits of chocolate chips. You gave him a raised brow. All he did was shrug sheepishly, signifying he did his best. Cooking wasn’t a skill of his, but by golly, did he try. At least he didn’t mess up the hot cocoa. That was something Lotor could be proud of.

At work, you saw the giddy smiles from your co-workers before you saw the bouquet. Actually, you saw the giant teddy bear dwarfing the red flowers first. You knew this was going to happen. Receive a typical Valentine’s Day gift, but you hadn’t expected him to go…this far. It wasn’t just a dozen roses. It was much more than that. At least 50 or so.

Flipping open the card, you understood exactly how much of a flaunting peacock Lotor really was.

“The florist said they only had 99 roses. So, I told them to deliver them all to you. 

XOXO,

Prince Charming”

When your work had ended, it was well past sunset. The beach date was cancelled. Even dinner was cancelled when he saw you walk through the doors with exhaustion dripping over your face. As extravagant he wanted to be for you, his heart needed to put your comfort first and foremost. Always. You two can go to the beach another time. Dinner reservations could be cancelled for a different day.

And, oddly enough, Lotor found that lounging on the couch with Chinese take-out was equally as satisfying, if not more, than what he had planned. Why was that so? Simple. Because he was spending precious time with you in the most domestic of settings. His heart was beating so loudly in his chest and with you laying on top of him like so, he was sure you could feel the rhythm of his love. 

Some time in the night, between watching terrible romcoms and stealing kisses from one another, Lotor had tugged you along with him up the stairs. And there, you saw the first petal. Then another, and five, before a river of them led to his bedroom. Door ajar, you could see a faint glow from a candle. It wasn’t rose scented, no, it was…vanilla? 

Sweet and oh so delicious. 

Pushing the door open, your eyes fell upon the bed decorated in all sorts of colored petals. Orange, white, pink, lavender, even green. In the center was the signature heart-shaped pile of red, but there was something…different about it. Laying on top was a single glass rose? No, it was tinted pink. A pink rock rose?

Sensing your confusion, Lotor picked it up and gently placed it in your hand for further inspection. Your eyes widened at the smooth, hard surface, the delicate details etched in the stone, and the gold lining trimmed along the edges. It was a rose made entirely of rose quartz. Yes, Lotor took the flower symbolism quite seriously. 

It seems like 99 roses were not enough to convey his feelings. He went even further with the gem and the meaning was not lost on you. Cupid, Eros, and all the myths about the coveted stone led to one meaning: eternal love. Lotor watched you with an observing gaze, half lidded in pure devotion and raw passion. 

Did he do it right? Did he manage to tell you “I love you” through his actions rather than his words? Well, there was only one way to find out.

Lotor brought his hands forward and signed slowly, “I love you.” 

It was choppy. He barely started learning the language, really, and his hands were fumbling out of buried nervousness. Oh, he was dedicated alright, but expressing that dedication through a motion of his hands? Harder than he thought. 

Yet, when he felt you launch yourself into his arms, knocking him back in surprise and atop of the bed, Lotor learned that he did well. Exceptionally well. So well, in fact, that every kiss you peppered on his nose, his forehead, his cheek, and even his lips, erased any doubt of his ability to express the one emotion he just couldn’t seem to voice.    

Lotor loves you. And you? 

You love him, all of him. 

[quiveringbunny]

Arrow Season 8 Spec and Other Thoughts

I don’t post much anymore, though I do enjoy scanning my feed from time to time and seeing what folks are saying. 

As far as Arrow goes, things have felt off for a while now. Maybe it started in Season 6 when, week after week, Ricardo Diaz just never made sense as a villain. Every week he bested Oliver and everyone else, while having no discernible advantage except that over and over again, Oliver seemed to underestimate him. 

Olicity felt weird all last season as well. Rather than embracing the relationship and making it matter, it felt like the writers were doing as little as possible to sustain it. A lame shared wedding. And ultimately, a withholding of the truth that ended up having dire consequences for the Queen family. 

This season has not been much better. The addition of more characters and the flash forwards have relegated many of the relationships I always found key to Oliver’s story to much less screen time. This has been particularly frustrating for me because while Arrow is a kind of adventure comic book show on the surface, I do believe the relationships are the key to conveying the journey of Oliver Queen from a dangerous man on a singular mission to a fully realized and evolved man who is capable of transcending his dark past. 

When Stephen Amell started on Arrow, he obviously had the physical and athletic capabilities to portray the role. He seemed to take his job as lead actor very seriously and made a concerted effort to set a tone with the show and also to promote the program as much as possible. As the series evolved, I found myself impressed with his growth as an actor. Surrounded by strong performers, he has had the opportunity to play some wonderful emotional scenes over time that demonstrate his ability to do much more than Arrow, if he chose to. I can’t help but think he too has appreciated the chance to broaden his experience to the benefit of his acting reel. 

But sometime over the past year, I have really gotten the vibe that he’s not into it anymore. Not sure if it’s burnout or frustration with the direction of the program that has had him putting very little effort into promoting the show any more. Hell, he barely seems to be on set these days. Is Oliver Queen’s part so small now that he can take off for seemingly weeks at a time?

It does seem like the show is bringing in new actors with an eye towards replacing the current cast over time with younger heroes. I don’t know. Maybe that is how it should be. i guess I’m just hopeful that it is what they want - that they would like the freedom to reach further in their careers. Certainly 7 seasons of any show is nothing to sneeze at. First and foremost, since they have entertained me, I want them to get to have all of the creative opportunities available to them in the future. 

Of course, it may also simply be that he’s tired of carrying the weight of filming and all of the other business pursuits he has. Maybe he would rather be doing other things. 

This is all speculation on my part, of course, but I do think that a recent comment Stephen made about an important and memorable day in his career may have signaled that he sat down with Berlanti and they talked about his endgame as the Arrow, which probably takes place concurrently with the crossover in S8. It does feel like a bittersweet time right now. There are only 8 episodes left in S7 and I have no idea what Oliver’s path might be. It just looks like he may have sacrificed everything for little positive outcome right now. I hope that can be fixed. I hope he can have positive closure in his life. 

In the meantime, I try to remain hopeful about Oliver and what his arc will end up being. I would hate to think the show drew me in years ago to support and follow a character that simply ends badly. I love Oliver Queen. Hope he finds a happy ending with his family. 

What are your thoughts?

/rant off/