#they all hurt badly enough without some bastards doing addictional harm

[goldyluna]

A page from Gin's sketchbook (diary edition)

[restingdomface]

Okay I can’t believe I’m going there, but, Lan Wangji’s magical healing cock and also mpreg AU:

Okay. So. Instead of Jin Zixuan being a dick to his crush, he genuinly never had a crush on her at all, and in fact, it never came to light until the Sunshit Campaign started, but JZX had a crush on Jiang Cheng all along. Jiang Cheng, who, reluctantly, returns his affections. Wei Wuxian is disgusted. His brother has terrible taste in men wtf.

So. Things went differently this time. What’s the change here? Meng Yao never left Nie Mingjue’s side. Of course, he did the spying thing, but he never betrayed him (this could be a part of my idea where NMJ and MY plan to actually have him be a spy and send him off after a planned execution of a soldier that NMJ decided needed a death sentence more than banishment, or, an AU where MY presented the idea to Wen Rouhan that his coming to WRH’s side was the betrayel itself). Now how does this change things? Because I honestly and truly think that if MY didn’t go to Jin Guangshan’s side afterwards, JGS wouldn’t have had the sway to execute anyone else in the Wen Family, or do anything horrible like that.

TBH he tries to wipe out the rest of the Wens, but it goes so badly and this time MY isn’t on his side (lol you know JGS would have tried tho, imagine how humiliating it would have been to be publicly denied by your own bastard son at the banquet after wow) and so JGS ends up removed from power entirely and JZX gets made sect leader instead.

This means, that since JZX is about to marry JC, they’re going to have to move to LanlingJin instead of both of them arguing over if they’d move to Lotus Pier or not. Cause they would argue over that. This means that Jiang Cheng is going to be the next Young Master Jin and Jiang Yanli is now officially the Jiang Sect Leader. Nice.

So. We’re rid of JGS and everyone’s happy and MY probably isn’t gonna kill anyone cause now he can marry NMJ in peace and not have to deal with anyone else, where does LWJ’s magic healing dick come in? Hold on I’m getting to it. Impatient.

So. The Wens. Of course, before JGS was removed from power, Wei Wuxian was actually running around saving Wen survivors and gathering them in the Burial Mounds, so he actually has to be coaxed into leaving by his siblings and LWJ and even JZX and NMJ (who thinks this is rather like that one time he had to coax Nie Huaisang out from under his bed when he became convinced NMJ’s cat was a demon because it wouldn’t stop attacking his songbird and he couldn’t come out cause she was in the room and she would steal his soul but she’s just sitting on the windowsill and meowing at them and NMJ is just silently planning to feed her more and keep her away from the atrium and tbh plz NHS you’re 16 years old you’re too old for this plz stop crying) and it’s great. It’s just great.

Anyways. WWX is paranoid af. Like so fucking paranoid. Cause they have been attacked. He’s got 12 year old girls talking about what the adult men in the Jin sect did to them. He’s got a traumatized toddler on his hip that screams when he sees Jin robes. He’s got children with branded scarring on their faces and wounds you can’t even imagine to come from anything but torture. He’s paranoid. He’s trying to keep the kiddos safe. They’re healers, and he’s given them the tools to heal, but they’re scared, and he’s paranoid without his Golden Core, and he’s scared, and he’s not putting down the toddler plz stop asking, he’s keeping this one, shut up.

So. What can he do but make a few demands? The Lan sect may have strict rules, but they would never attack innocent civilians, and they have rules about killing even animals in Gusu. He asks them to send all the Lan guards they can to escort them to GusuLan. He doesn’t think they’d hurt them in YunmengJiang either, but he can’t risk it. He was there when Lotus Pier burned. Cloud Recesses didn’t lose nearly as many people, and he’s still too traumatized to spend much time in LP rn.

So they go to Cloud Recesses. This actually, also gives the other sects a lot of time to get some glimpses at everyone that came from the Burial Mounds.

Not a single one of them was a cultivator.

This is a little different than canon. WWX can’t handle the loss of his golden core in this one. Not to say that he shouldn’t have done it, but that the resentful energy is dragging him down to the point where all he can feel is paranoia and fear. He’s almost completely unresponsive at this point. He follows after LWJ when told to, and he holds little A-Yuan in his arms, but he doesn’t pay much attention to anyone.

Wen Qing tells them of the loss of his core, but not how it happened. Lan Qiren doesn’t much like WWX still, but he accepts that a cornered animal will bite, and WWX lost his main weapon right before a major war. Of course he would do all he could to keep himself safe.

Jiang Yanli offers for the Wen Survivors to be integrated into YunmengJiang, since they lost so many people. It could help a lot. They accept, since she’s offering them protection and help.

Of course, Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli used to Spend A Lot Of Time Together in Cloud Recesses, so love is blooming there between the two sect leaders, and by the end of a year, they’re getting married themselves.

WWX doesn’t go back to LP with them. He couldn’t do it. A-Yuan and Granny and Wen Ning stay with him in Cloud Recesses. Granny talks with Wen Qing regularly, and A-Yuan is attached to Lan Wangji enough that Lan Xichen starts mentioning that he could attend classes there when he’s old enough. LXC is a WangXian shipper and is trying to get his brother to adopt the child. Y’all know he would. WWX spends his time arguing (loudly, but in a room with magical wards for sound so they don’t get in trouble) with a Lan mind healer that talks through his bullshit with him, sleeping the day away in one of the rooms of the Jingshi (because LWJ made him move in right away and WWX couldn’t even argue cause A-Yuan loves him too and he can ask LWJ to play Their Song whenever he wants to hear it) and following after A-Yuan as he enchants (and terrifies) all the rabbits in the field. Also getting yelled at (softly) by LQR for breaking rules. LQR and LWJ have been making it their personal mission to find a way to either purify the resentful energy so WWX can go back to his normal cheerful self that doesn’t jump or hide when startled, or to regain a Golden core so the yin and yang energies can balance each other and keep him stable.

Of course, JYL sends him a message that she’s getting married, and WWX pulls himself out of the fog enough that he can ask them to go to the wedding (he’s being polite, he’s going no matter what they say lol,) and LWJ accompanies him to the wedding. His siblings are so happy to see him there.

Anyways. Things get rocky when WWX hears them talking about kids.

Jiang Yanli will carry Jin Zixuan’s children, and they’ll keep the Jin name. They’ll know that all four of them are their parents, but it’s a way to pass on the name.

Wen Qing will carry Jiang Cheng’s children, and they’ll carry the Jiang name. This also helps to keep track of what kids are heir to what sect.

Of course, Wei Wuxian, the master of ‘I know The Most Obscure Bullshit Ever’, asks why they don’t just have their spouses children. There are spells and potions for that.

Well. No one else in the room knew that but him apparently. Well, they’re still going to go with their idea for the first few kids, and then they’ll decide if other means of pregnancy options are viable.

Anyways. Guess who else didn’t know it was possible for men to get pregnant? You guessed it. Lan Wangji. Who was also in the room at the time.

So. Wedding is lovely. They all have an amazing time. WWX is able to pull himself out of bed every day. He was even able to work on some cultivation items that LQR begrudgingly admits are amazing items and very useful to cultivation.

They go back to Cloud Recesses, and Lan Wangji combs through his and his uncle’s notes till he finds a viable solution to a return of a Golden core that they had originally scrapped because WWX wasn’t a girl.

To return a Golden core to a body by means of very careful pregnancy. Of course, such a thing would be considered stealing under normal circumstances, and most mothers would rather die than harm their child in the womb in a way that could kill them. But this was a method made to keep both parent and child from harm. A way to build the slightest lump of core in the parent, enough to stick and allow a base to build off of later.

Of course, without consulting Uncle (because the man would be horrified at the idea, and LWJ would rather be rejected by the man himself thanks very much) he takes the proposal to the man in question.

WWXA has to think about this one for a long time. He thinks about it while helping Wen Ning with zombie stuff so he can maintain a stable body. He thinks about it while writing letters to his siblings. He thinks a LOT about it while tucking their two year old into bed and reading him a story with the funny voices. He thinks about it when he spends a night in the cold springs with LWJ one night, close enough to touch the man, because without a Golden core, the water is too cold for him to survive in on his own.

He asks why LWJ would besmirch his honor like that. Having a child out of wedlock, his uncle would throw a fit. His name would be in tatters.

LWJ blinks, once, and twice. He quietly tells him the offer could involve marriage if WWX thinks it’s of import.

So. They get married. So they can have a child. Another child. Just. Yeah. Let’s get married so we can mate like rabbits.

They’re in love. Of course they are. But they’re also shy idiots. LWJ is a sex fiend like usual, and WWX quickly gets addicted to it, but they’re both too shy to say anything sappy yet. Well. No. Scratch that. LWJ is fully willing to admit his love to the world. But he’s a very quiet person. So he mostly just tells WWX how much he would do anything for him, and even eats his horrible poison cooking. Not even A-Yuan will touch that shit.

A-Yuan is so excited to be a big brother. His favorite place to lay is curled around WWX’s big belly and giving it kisses while A-Die scratches his hair and reads him stories.

A-Yuan finally gets his baby and Wei Wuxian gets the stability that a Golden core provides so he can continue using resentful energy to dodge the many many scrolls Shifu Qiren will throw at him over the years to come. LQR swears that if that man hadn’t given his nephew happiness and also many great nephews-

Anyways. The Lotus Flowers are all gay and all happy send tweet.

[cyanpeacock]

Realtalk(tm): Daily Life And Shit Like That

OK, another reasonably good day?

I feel okay about myself. I sorted something out with my welfare advisor and then did a bunch of my structural cell biology tutorial work. Some fun things in there, cytoskeletons are very cool. 

Went to counselling after that. I was... surprised, because I was anxious, and my brain clocked out a few times talking about difficult things, and I cried several times? 

I’m like... okay. 

This doesn’t feel as bad as it used to, but it’s obviously still, like... interfering with my living. I’m getting through my days quietly covering up tears and suchlike. I don’t react very well to physical proximity, and conversation still makes me anxious enough to lose track of things, but I can cope with it?

I did forget to eat properly. I’ve had three coffees and a banana. I have a sandwich I’m eating right now, which is like, okay? It’s food and I’m thankful to have it. Also got ready meals in the fridge, so if I get hungry later I’ll have something quick and easy to consume. 

Man, like, it’s a lot. It’s all been a heck of a lot. I’m very glad I have these two years part-time to slow down, and make some sense of things.

Uhh... coherent narrative?

Born into a nasty shitty house in a nasty shitty part of a broadly very well-off country. 

Dad yells at and hits mum. Mum yells at and hits me. Dad’s mum and mum’s mum probably did the same. 

It does not feel good, right, or normal. 

I hear a speaker give a presentation on abuse in primary school, and recognise what’s happening to me in it. 

I have trouble in school, lash out at teachers, I struggle badly emotionally with things I don’t understand.

Police and social services get involved briefly, then abandon the case. Mental health services get involved, promptly break confidentiality, and I take this badly, because I’m a vulnerable child. Mum now knows she has a crazy kid who hears voices. I tried to keep this a secret, because I knew she wouldn’t know what the fuck to do with that. 

Things get worse. School refusal, lashing out, blah blah. 

Mum tries to do better. I don’t trust her. She gets it badly wrong, often. I’m confused, I’m anxious, I’m depressed, I’m suicidal, I’m self-harming.

I go to secondary school. The school has virtually no pastoral care, a bullying culture (students and teachers alike), and cares more about its league tables than the welfare of its students. I’m a Problem Child(tm) with great grades, so they put an extra shitton of pressure on me specifically, because I’m ~gifted and talented~. 

Things get worse, I self-harm more, I get more anxious, I’m frequently suicidal. 

Mum goes through a few partners. One sticks around, they want to get married at first, they end up in a horrible fight, I get dragged into it, I feel responsible for mediating and keeping the peace, I can’t do this because of my position in life. 

The conflict gets really bad. I’m basically tearing myself apart to try and withstand the pressure. Living with my mother makes me feel like shit, because she can’t take care of me emotionally, I need professional support. Stepdad does better with it, but is still an ass, just a different kind. They’re framing all this as some kind of political conflict, I guess because those were the terms they fundamentally disagreed on. 

I fucking snap, because doing A-levels at this shitty secondary school is killing me, and living with my birth family is draining me so badly, and it all Takes the Piss(tm), so one night I find I can’t cross the threshold into my mum’s home and end up on a late train to Leicester.

I don’t make it all the way, so I “sleep” overnight in a bus station in Nottingham in the middle of winter, freezing my little tits off. 

I make it to Leicester in the morning. Hooray. Move in with stepdad, things turn much better! For a while. 

I’m still unhappy. I get prescribed cocodamol for headaches, instead of triptans for migraine, and I get addicted. I’m still self-harming. I’m in a relationship, and I’m insecure as hell, and I’m seriously harming the people I love. 

I go to college. I start A-levels again. Relationship falls apart. I’m depressed, suicidal, self-harming, anxious, etc etc etc. Overdosing a lot. My stepdad is losing patience with me. Eventually I come home late, we get into a physical altercation, I end up on the street because I’m not going back to that bastard, and I don’t feel safe or happy living with my mother. 

Cops pick me up and take me to hospital (familiar place by this point). I’m there for a while. They end up discharging me to the street. I declare myself homeless to the council, show up at college an absolute state, end up getting a call saying there’s a room for me in the YMCA.

I move into the YMCA. It... is a homeless hostel. Drugs help it feel less shit. By this point I’m like, a full-time pothead and pill popper. Benefits are fucked, I have to work alongside full-time college, I don’t get along with the other residents. I get all eating-disordered. I’m seeing a counsellor by this point, who actually helps, unlike all the mental health professionals I’ve seen before. 

I finish my A-levels. I do quite well. I get a council flat.

Move into council flat. Sad and lonely. Glad to have a place, alone as fuck in the world, furious and hurt. Still doing drugs, when I can afford them. I’m beyond pissed with the people who raised me, I’m hearing them yelling at me even though nobody is in the room, it’s ugly. Somewhere in this period I get a diagnosis of BPD. 

I start at university. I have no idea how I’m supposed to treat myself, and burn out halfway to the end of the year. Crisis team gets involved a lot. I find my counsellor privately, and start seeing him again. I take up a meditation practice. It helps, mostly.

The university let me finish year 1 the next academic year, and agree to let me study part-time for second year. I’m still very unstable, I’m kicking my codiene habit, I’m working on things like breath control and grounding techniques that just made me furious and miserable every time I’d tried them before. 

I finish first year, with flying colours. Summer holidays come. I quit smoking pot, I hate my antipsychotic (it does its job, but I feel like shit on it), my antidepressant is making me manic but I don’t know it. My antidepressant is stopped by the doctors, and I refuse to take my ugly slow zombie antipsychotic. 

I go absolutely mental.

Full psychotic mania. MHS let me down again by refusing to acknowledge my concerns when I do get to see them. I go battier and battier until I tear apart my council flat and go AWOL. I’m running all over the shop completely out of my mind. People I’d trusted would help me, don’t help me. Hospitals admit and discharge me on the same day. MHS are suddenly very concerned about me, despite the resounding lack of fucks given by the psychiatrist who saw me as my breakdown was Escalating(tm). 

So yeah, I’m wack. Trauma. Stress. Withdrawal. My ego is dead. I’m running around on trains all over the country. There are six men living in this body. Alright. Okay. This is fun, and painful, and... oh, wait, these guys really love each other? Huh.

The university steps in when I end up sneaking into a building on campus and sleeping there overnight. They put me into halls temporarily, help me out with finance and admin, and contact medical professionals to try and convene a case review. Counsellor sees me through part of my psychotic break. 

Eventually I clear up my flat. I move back in. I’m... okay?

I’m literally just like, okay, well, this might as well happen? 

I stumble with drugs a few times, I keep working on my Coping Skills(tm), I notice I’m using coping skills without consciously going “OKAY shit I need to use a Skill(tm) here”. I go to university. I cope well enough. 

I’m processing my whole psychotic experience. I take it a lot of ways. Eventually I understand the world my brain created as a reflection of the world I’ve seen right in front of me. I lived there. It wasn’t really any different to anything I’d seen before? Actually, it was kinda better, I wanted it all to stay, the six guys I was really loved each other, and it was nice to feel that. 

I clock something. Oh? Humans need... humans need other humans? Like, they don’t, but... ah, fuck, like, I require this? Like, if I’m gonna live A Full Life(tm)? They’re not all going to hurt me? There is the possibility for love without a history of serious, self-destroying hurt? 

I start believing that I really could just, like... meet people? Talk to them? Make a friend? And that it could feel good, instead of just like, a painful and exhausting chore? I start thinking about where I might go, and when, and my mind gives me less reasons not to show up. 

So... that’s where I’m at?

Uh, okay.

What... do I make of myself?

Sick man. Getting better. Coping with it?

Okay. That’s alright. I can keep working with that?

[thatweirdmod]

Beriphitar’s Pillage 2: Slow and Steady and the Journal

I've been traveling north for three days now, stopping in mid-tier motels when my ass can't take riding on the scooter with four bags anymore. They're places nice enough that I can expect clean rooms and a pleasant stay, but not so fancy that my paying in cash draws too much suspicion.

I pull into the parking lot of a Motto Locco (decent franchise with a stupid name) and get off Trusty Rusty. It's drizzling rain. I go under the porch cover of the motel, drop the bags on the ground, the straps of which have been digging the fuck into my shoulders by the way, and light up a cigarette.

I'm planning to buy a car, but I've been trying to put as much distance between me and my old town before starting up a money trail, just in case I left behind evidence, and I need to be elusive. Another reason is that I don't think I have enough money in my bank account to buy a car worth a shit at the moment.

I have a feeling eyes have been staring into the distance after me ever since I skipped town. So, I don't want to make a large deposit of money into my bank account, considering that the lawmen know the Greyhorns were robbed. Buying a car with thousands of bucks of cold hard cash may be even more suspicious. So, I made a relatively modest deposit of money into my account yesterday, about $300.

As much as I'd like to get my money in safe storage, and this heavy bag off my shoulder soon, I will continue to trickle money into my account about once a week. Selling the gold bars under the table has also been on my mind. Some people say you should invest in gold, as a type of security in case the value of un-backed federal currency plummits or something.

I don't really give a shit about that, because even if I could shave some gold leaf off the blocks, the convenience store probably wouldn't take that as payment for my Pringles. The gold is heavy, but I don't want to deposit it in the bank, because that would be unusual activity for me-  a red flag for any gumshoe poking around. I've also yet to sell the various other valuables, like jewelry, that I stole from the Greyhorns' house. It's in part because of the whole trail thing, but it's become procrastination now. Tomorrow for sure I'll visit a pawn shop to sell a watch and necklace.

Once I've sucked all the death from the cigarette into my body, I throw the stub out into the rain and head inside. The employee at the counter helps me check in. She's slightly chubby, forty-ish, with curly, short brown hair. She's not ugly, but something about her face just pisses me off. She seems like she'd be a bitch, but I can't decide exactly what kind.

Maybe the kind that talks snidely behind your back? Ah, but there's more to her than that. Nags her husband if she has one? We're getting there. Smiles politely, but has a slight disapproving crinkle in her nose because you stink of smoke? Ooosh, close to home. Will frown as soon as I turn my back to go upstairs? Another nail in the coffin. Watches me fumble a bit with my bags, and wonders nosily and disgustedly at why I have so many? Wow, I'm on a roll.

I realize as I retreat into my room that I'm the bitch, assuming all that, and judging that woman that way. The room has a TV, of course, but TV is like 1/3 ads, 1/3 boring bullshit, and 1/3 things of moderate interest. I consider sleeping to kill my boredom, but I remember that I have Reyfon's diary in one of my bags.

I sit and open it.

"Uncle Freido told me to pull down my shorts... He called it, 'touching trunks like the elephants do," but I'd only ever seen water spray from an elephant's trunk. It hurt a lot when he touched his trunk at the back. Uncle F didn't have a name for that, the fucker."

Pretty juicy stuff. It's sounding like I may have done him a favor, putting the damaged bastard out of his misery. I flip a few more pages.

"I can't explain exactly why I do this. I know I can't excuse it. I'm just propelled. I seek them out. I lure them with sweets, toys, and gifts. I make them feel safe with smiles and a caring, gentle tone. I know how special it can be for a child when a grown up listens, tries to understand, expresses pride in them and treats them like a competent human being. I give them attention. I give them respect. I take their side. And I know to pick the ones whose parents leave voids that I can fill.

In my head, I know it's vile. I know it's a betrayal. I don't understand why my heart doesn't react, doesn't care.

I have predator's eyes. They see all too well how weak, how pathetic the children are. Sometimes, I consider doing the right thing, actually using my position to give them the help and support they need, but I have the stomach of a predator as well. And when I see prey, it rumbles so badly that I must devour."

It doesn't take a genius to see where this is going. There's a "No Smoking" sign in the motel room, but I light up a cigarette anyway. I blow smoke onto the pages. I skim though the records of Reyfon's deeds.

"I don't want to go back to a grown woman now. Little boys and girls are so much tighter... child screamed... leaking blood... asked if I would watch her son for a while... smirked... I took her down to the basement, and... trusted me... touched them so much... bruises... forced him to...

There are coloured pencil drawings of children, unclothed with splayed legs, objects or toys inserted. Some are crying. Some appear to be in strained pleasure. I wonder if Reyfon made them pose while he sketched up these shitty portraits?

"It's an addiction, but I just won't stop. I know some people must suspect something after all this, but no one says anything. Little Brith's mom looked at me strangely the other day. He's come around for a generous handout of candy for the past four Halloweens, but not this one."

I skip along to his latest entry, which was made just five days before I killed him. His aunt, uncle, and their three children came to visit. They wanted to go see his dying father in the hospital, and support their family. He explains how this was a monkey wrench in his plans. He had planned to ask me to kill his brother the day before he found out that they were going to be coming. During their stay, he got the middle child, a girl of six, alone. In his rage over the interruption, he raped and molested the child even more violently than he would normally, a sort of revenge against her parents I guess. He wrote,

"I heard her crying when she was in the bathroom, thankfully before anyone else. I questioned her about it, and she said it really hurt. I told her to be quiet and not to tell anyone that she was having trouble going to the bathroom. Her parents might take her to the hospital, and then it'd be obvious that the girl had gone through sexual trauma.

I said if she made noise again, or told anyone about the pain when peeing and pooping and the things we did together, I'd kill her. I showed her the gun I'd shoot her with, pointed it at her little blonde head, and said, 'Bang.' I was angry at the time, so I used a heavier hand than usual.

I told her I'd have to punish her for making noise, and she cried and begged me not to. I told her to be quiet, pulled down her skirt and panties, and spanked her for disobedience. I started off doing this for a practical reason, but it roused my trunk. I had another session with her right then. I spanked her again afterwards because she cried the whole time. Thankfully, the house is big with good insulation.

I hadn't done enough harm to my aunt and uncle yet though, so I molested their 3 year old son as well. I knew I couldn't ruin his rump like I wanted to though, because he wouldn't have enough self control to hide the pain even if I did threaten him. I bet Kinsey would have liked the details of that, but he already knew that young boys can achieve climax. Their oldest was 10, which is still within my preferred age range, but that girl seemed too smart and strong willed. I didn't want her badly enough to deal with killing her and hiding the body afterwards."

I think I've read enough, at least for now. I'm not going to lie; I'm disgusted. I've done too much myself to be the good guy, and I'm no vigilante, but I'm glad I bashed Reyfon's head in. I walk out into the balcony where I should have been, and throw the cig down onto the dark pavement below. A man in a beige coat down in the lot sees me do this, and that looks suspiciously like judgement on his face. I give him the finger, and turn to walk back in before I have to see his stupid reaction. I crash on the bed without a shower or anything, and just plan to sleep until I wake naturally.

I open my eyes refreshed. I get ready in the bathroom- shower, shave, brush the hair, teeth cleaning, piss, jeans and t-shirt under a grey, white-stringed hoodie. I get my stuff and go down to check out. It's a young woman across the counter this time. Brown hair in a ponytail, ignorant face, maybe she's a student.

I look around. The place is vacant, and this is a small, backwater type town. She's looking down doing one thing or another for me, and I'm looking at her, wondering if I've got five minutes to strangle her.

I vault over the counter and clothesline her in the neck before she can say, "What?!" I slip behind her with my arm hooked around her throat and back up into the wall. She's kicking and grunting in a panic. I can tell she's trying to hit my balls, but she's having a hard time in this position. Mostly what she's managing to do is grind her ass into my crotch, which is giving me a hard-on.

It's soft curves fighting hopelessly against labor hardened muscle. I feel her getting weaker in my unyielding, boa-like grip. A good 60 years of life leave her body with her final exhale. I sigh and drop her down onto the rough carpet.

"Sir?" an unsure, youthful voice asks me.

"Oh yeah, sorry," I respond. The only thing that was real of all that is my straining erection. Of course I couldn't do something so reckless and stupid, but at least I can imagine.

I walk out to greet the morning. The day is sunny and crisp. I take a four minute ride over to the pawn shop that I found in the motel phonebook. The owner's sunken eyes give me what I think is a knowing, slightly wary look from under his heavy white eyebrows. He has a mustache to match, and the thin lips hidden underneath are set in a frown.

He takes the jewelry anyway, though. If he's going to give service, maybe he should give it with a smile so people feel more comfortable coming back. I only get $90 for what I believe was very fine jewelry. Whatever, asshole. It's on to another day of riding away for me.