#these weeks have just been so horrible and i'm just so??
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Hi pls feel free to completely ignore me if you're done talking about this stuff but your anon asking about Liams substance use made me think of something I've been wondering for a few weeks. As you mentioned, the toxicology report noted "trace amounts" of substances and alcohol... doesn't trace usually mean a very small amount or am I misundering that term? Bc I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around "small amount" and his reported behavior/the passing out. Was he actually just having a medical emergency or was he also in the process of an OD?
I really don’t know, darling. Yes, “trace amounts” means a small amount. But every new thing we hear about this matter seems to contradict the last thing we heard. Somewhere in the mess is a report that he was on Sertraline (generic name for Zoloft—an antidepressant) and the report said that can be fatal when mixed with alcohol. But, as far as I know, the only side effect of that mix is sleepiness. So why did they report that? In the beginning they said he had an enormous list of powerful drugs in his system (meth, crack, benzodiazepines etc etc) and likely overdosed/was at least partially unconscious before he fell. Then they say he had traces of not even half the drugs in his system that was originally reported. I really don’t know what to think about any of it. But I also don’t want to sit around concocting theories about his death.
All I know it’s that it’s horribly sad and I wish he was still here.
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hello (going to pretend that i didn't disappear AGAIN)
#i'm sorry#i have been saying the same thing for a while now and i hate myself for it#these weeks have just been so horrible and i'm just so??#i have lost interest in everything and now i just feel like an empty shell#it's an awful feeling i can't bring myself to do anything no matter how much i want to#it just hurts a lot i don't really know what to do at this point#i suppose this was me taking a break again i haven't written at all#i tried to. came up with two paragraphs and then dropped it#life has just been so weird lately and i really miss you all.#ANYWAYS...#ruru rambles
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🐶 Y'know, I fall in love with you all over again when we go on dates like this, Max.
🐰 You're getting a pass for that awful pun because you're the prettiest thing this side a' the world, Sam.
🐶 What can I say? I'm as corny as Kansas in August.
🐰 And as normal as blueberry pie.
#I had such a nice time making this it was very cathartic :] I’ve been having a really horrible time lately and this was-#a way to relieve my brain at least a little#sam and max#freelance husbands#furry art#morelikesin#my art#don't steal#digital art#original#finished#also do not tag as genderbend or like terms I just love sam crossdressing don't worry about it#a wonderful guy tex beneke#and if you've gotten this far in the tags I'll get a little sappy: I've gotten a monumental uptick in interest in my work the past week or-#-so and it's really meant so much to me. I've been making and posting art on this blog for. God it's been Years and I'm a nobody#but lately I've been given such affection for my pieces and I can't believe it still. I don't know if I deserve it but I am keeping it-#-very close to my heart. a sincere and genuine thank you for making truly the hardest time in my life to date bearable again.#I've been debating if I should just give up and this gives me hope to at least try for a little while longer 🩷 okay sorry for the sap
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You know, these past two episodes I was thinking to myself, Su Yin is almost perfect in every way, simply the ideal devoted, protective, loyal, dedicated sworn brother, call him Da-ge indeed!!!, but my one piece of constructive criticism is that he needs to learn how to give real hugs - he does a lot of manful shoulder clasping, but Xiaobao is a shivering chihuahua desperately in need of cuddles and body heat, you gotta HUG THAT BOY - but now I see that Su Yin's hugs are simply reserved for his horrible little gremlin of an imperial cousinwife.
#myatb#myatb spoilers#meet you at the blossom#lol jinbao zhaocai and su yin are all canonically part of xiaobao's nuclear family...#and all of them get horrible boyfs of their very own!#no sibling rivalry needed! husband destroyers for all#(zhaocai i'm manifesting this for you offscreen dw you're still included)#shaoyu thinks he's in a palace drama and xiaobao is the lowly concubine he can trample all over to his indomitable empress#baby you're not empress yet. wait for emperor your cousin to marry you first... or i guess to become emperor yourself if that ever happens#anyway i am making a micro post instead of trying to capture all the things i've been loving about these episodes#but i REALLY REALLY LOVE THIS SHOW!!!#i hate when the episodes end! give me more right now!!!#jinbao is number one at serving!!! of course random men would immediately want to possess him - he gets it!!!!#and ep7 but xiaobao is obvi very preoccupied by his whump but relieved madam jin at least is still thinking of her daughter as family#and i appreciate that su yin despite being so obvi in love w/ xiaobao isn't actually interested in forcing him to not feel what he feels#for huaien. he just wants him to be well. will he be angry when xiaobao hops right back into this guy's arms in a few weeks? idk!#but for right now it's nice to see him nonjudgmentally assuring him he doesn't have to magically stop feeling things for this guy#oh and xiaobao like 'i will be good from now on. i will just sit depressed in my room.' OWWIE#and practicing looking cheerful for his mom and dad in the mirror. OWWIE OWWIE!!!#dear diary
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you can tell the sharks lb is deeply unwell bc instead of cancelling mackblack for being an antivaxxer they threaten to inoculate him every time he fucks up
#joy. by any means necessary.#I PERSONALLY think we need to talk more about the mpox vaccine in hockey. marta is right we need to give mackblack the mpox vax#MY DOCTOR MADE ME GET IT and it was the most annoying 8 weeks of my life#oh you think a covid vaccine is inconvenient mackblack? try getting a shot that turns your arm a weird color while nurses yell at you#to not touch your arm for eight weeks#forbidden injection site....no touch....but you just want to touch...it looks weird and feels weird#'ugh covid vaccine doesn't do anything--' give me ur arm. i'm going to give u a new horrible experience#and then we are going ** **** 😊#hockey for ts#fresno oilers.txt#hey guys i discovered tonight that the ikea delivery guys fucked up REAL BAD#and gave me $600 of free furniture. and i only discovered this after the guy i hired from taskrabbit built ALL OF IT#so i'm like in a really good mood all of a sudden. free furniture for me and my friends#have you ever been given $600 of free ikea furniture? it's an incomparable rush
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never in my life have i wanted a Daddy more than i do rn 😭
#personal#i'm going to ramble and drop it all in the tags#i'd like to have a pity party for myself thanks#the election?#fucked i've just been scrambling for a week now to prepare for the worst that feels like it's rapidly approaching#vaccines updated birth control bought out stockpile of food started passport appointments made tasers and protective gear purchased#banned books put on a wishlist#the holidays?#trying to make them enjoyable instead of so so so triggering#husband's new job?#barely home he's barely home i feel like a solo parent#i'm absolutely drowing at home mainly alone with two toddlers who have found their spirit and resilience and attitude...#the new house?#we've been fighting we are not vibing it's taking forever for me to feel in love with it#we do not get along rn lol#writing? personal time? self care? nonexistent i have no time alone during the day and then i spend the two hours i have to myself at night#fighting sleep and doing nothing#took a shower today and when i got out my eyelash line started burning and then my eyes were burning and then my nose was running and#then my eyes were watering and i could barely open them and goop started building and then they were SWOLLEN to the point where i could see#the muscles bulging and then i couldn't move them left or right#so i drove I DROVE myself to the urgent care#turns out my water has way too much chlorine in it and now that i've started taking hot as fuck and steamy showers it's just made me#susceptible to severe allergic reactions to chlorine?#it's been horrible my eyes are so sore now and they're just now not sopping in goop#and yeah#just...#i live the same day every day and i'm spiraling and drowning and about to go off the rails while also trying to SUCK THE JOY out of the las#month we have before democracy crumbles so#i just wish i had a Daddy to take care of me and tell me things are going to be okay 😭#preferably a Big Daddy that would let me sleep for days and would bring me food and let me hug and snuggle on him and not talk
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Since apparently sfth and Foil Arms and Hog are beefing now, I just want to point out that fa&h actually has their own canon fandom tag.
If they can have one, why can't we :(
#(/lh)#shoot from the hip#there are probably many reasons lol#like how sfth aren't technically “video blogging” since youtube isn't their full-time job#I guess this is more of a hopeful thing#like “if they can have one then maybe so can we!”#even though fa&h and sfth aren't *that* similar? they're still similar enough#I'm wondering if I should send another email to the ao3 team#it's only been like a couple weeks since I sent the first one but I recently noticed how horribly neglected the d&d fics are#so I kinda feel like I should email them about it? just to make sure that it's on their priority list#idk though I don't wanna overwhelm them either
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Killjoys 4.04 "What to Expect When You're Expecting... An Alien Parasite"
#killjoys#killjoys syfy#killjoysmonth#gifs and stuff#dutch killjoys#d'avin jaqobis#i'm using my powers to gif for good (giffing scenes that hurt me)#time to dump my feelings about this scene in the tags#d'avin is trying *so* hard to keep it together but shit keeps piling up in every direction#and he's been forced to make a horrible choice and then watch his brother lose himself for days if not weeks#he gets dutch back but all of a sudden there's an alien baby on the way and johnny is still not cleansed and dutch is judging him#also i find it really interesting that it's not until he's practically breaking down that he allows himself to be mad at dutch#and even then it's so subdued#and dutch!!!!#she's just escaped one of the worst experiences of her life only to find her best friend was turned hullen#and there's only one person she can direct all her feelings about that towards#only for him to force her to confront the fact that she's not the only one who loves johnny more than anything#i. have. *emotions* about this scene!!!!
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The hate towards forcebook is so pushed. What have they even done? Everything they do is criticized. Accounts I have never ever seen hate an actor before are rallying behind it even for the tiniest reason that seems almost ridiculous. It's just quite confusing because they seem genuine and like the least problematic people. With the amount of haters they have if they were indeed problematic in the slightest they'd on the jumbotron getting blasted. It's not even like they're bad actors. Just random hate for no reason. Are you all okay?
#one day i wish to understand y'all#but i guess it's better that i don't#nothing happened#just weeks of seeing shit on Twitter kind got to me#thankfully they have enough fans to not let the haters be a stronger voice than they are#also stop hating on topmew#they are the only couple in that stupid show who actually ahowed charater development and worked for their relationship#god i thought only friends would've been so fun but it was handled so horribly#gonna go rewatch a boss and a babe and have peace in life#forcebook#to all the fb fans I'm sorry for tagging this y'all don't need to see my rant#anywho#looking forward to their next show#i know it's there#i believe
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moodboard for this past week ❤️
#they should invent a grad school thats not fucking insane#i'm hanging in there but im the most unwell i've been in AWhile#this week was just horrible#there was already the freezer food incident but it also started off with a very severe pain episode thats putting me in constant woe#even mundane motion has been agonizing which is McAwesome bc we had a lab inspection which involved moving hundreds of pounds of equipment#during which we found a blackwidow and rats which we had to deal with and was a whole thing psychologically on top of the physical toll#the new class fiasco is still popping off and i had to respond to at this point over 400 emails in the fleeting moments outside of lab#AND A STUDENT TRIED TO FINANCIALLY BRIBE THEIR WAY INTO THE CLASS ? ?? ?? ?????#then the instructor wanted to use me as a guinea pig and i had to test new circuit boards but I wasnt given any time to do so properly#i had to test them plus get them operational and deal with my incoming students all in a frantic 10 minute window#im in charge of running our meetings too but the instructor was interrupting and having side conversations that made it really hard-#to train the other people on the new equipment in a smooth manner#which meant that a bunch of people had to keep me after to ask questions which made me late for my drs appointment#where i found out i cant get the new covid vaccine bc my heart and blood levels arnt stable enough#and joanns lost an expensive+critical fabric order of mine+i had to give a big presentation this week on my research that was stressful#and my inbox is still blowing up from being needed all over the place between teaching lab and classes and yall i am. so so tired.#im in so much pain and so stressed out#debating the ethics of turning into a pile of lint to escape my responsibilities and mortal frame
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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent
#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little#bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the#very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the#house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks#Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a#gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a#treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of#color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration#like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a#auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies#so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk#and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver#but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and#sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an#active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have#been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start#to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've#done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks#with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm#secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool#stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers#me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or#it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for#too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been#investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely#enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed#google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj#LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!
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just learned that one of the two people who i could call friends here fucking got married a couple weeks ago and the one other person (the one i lived on the same property with for 15 months) was there and even though i have seen her since it happened neither of them told me about this. and they have also regularly been hanging out without ever inviting me. obviously i don't need to be involved in everything but you never asked if i wanted to hang out even once even though i said multiple times hey we should all hang out sometime. ok 👍🏻
#like ok you had an informal wedding and barely invited anyone and arent close enough with me to invite me whatever.#but neither of them even mentioned it? i didnt even know the one friend was still here because she was supposed to leave for socal 3 weeks#ago and told me i had to leave by the 20th because of this and apparently shes still here and if i had known this was going to be the case#i might have been able to get a much cheaper and better living arrangement.#i just keep getting reminded that i am not that important in anyones life and everyone keeps treating me like a dumb child#and i have the horrible trait of treatment resistant depression so i cant even blame them because i'm fucking miserable constantly so why#would anyone bother developing a close relationship with me#i have said multiple times to both of these people hey we should hang out more or go see a movie or have dinner or whatever and every time#they're like yeah totally! and then they dont follow through on it#i straight up have no one i can even call and talk to about how upsetting this is because apparently i'm simply too mentally ill to maintain#friendships. like people will become friends with me and at some point i'll be like ok i'm very mentally ill! and theyll be like#ok i promise thats fine! and i'm sure they even mean it but people just run out of compassion and time and patience after very long. always#anyway lately i have been on the verge of self institutionalizing to be fully honest. but i think that would have many unwanted consequences#me
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i need to pack my bags and get the hell out of frown town
#i realise that recently i have been disgustingly self absorbed with my own issues 😔#there is a line between discussing bad feelings with friends and being stiflingly negative and i leapt across that line a few weeks ago#like yeah my own issues feel horrendously overwhelming at points but i can't always be caught up in that when i'm around my best friend#i think it's a mix of just exhaustion and also the fact i see her after school where i'm more positive#so i just crash after a tiring day and become the mayor of frown town#it hurt to hear but i mean she worded it much less directly than i have been wording this#and the vibes have been feeling rancid lately so im glad i recognise the issue now and things should feel a bit better between us#just ough it's so easy to become an unpleasant person#not even necessarily by inflicting harm on others but just not inflicting any joy#it's rough out here but it's good to find out negative aspects of yourself and improve them ig#bc i have had friends that are horribly negative and it's just difficult to be around them sometimes#ugh anyway sleep will help all this#oh also in the morning today seemed impossibly exhausting but i got through it#woohoo#now i desperately need to fix my sleep schedule starting with now. bye bye tumblr
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trying to dispel the curse of (irrationally) feeling unloved and unwanted by reading my friends' messages to me vs my parents being inconvenienced by me asking for the bare minimum of help
#i know that i'm loved by at least a few people but it is so hard to remember that rationally sometimes#and it's weird because while the stereotype of my condition is to lash out and accuse i could never do that#i can't imagine bringing harm to anyone i care about no matter how much i get the impulse to do so because i'm better than those instincts#i'd rather retreat into myself and isolate myself to prevent harm to anyone else#i just wish that my brain was able to distinguish actually causing harm from just asking for attention and reassurance and not lump them-#-both into the evil awful horrible cruel category#it is alright though i will be okay nothing specific went wrong it's just been a weird week and i'm ill#it will pass. hopefully soon#i'm leaving this here so i'll remember it#tw vent#i suppose#no one i care for has caused me hurt in the past while and so i really have no reason to feel like this. alas it will continue to happen
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i may be fighting my insurance company to authorize my life-or-death birth control for my endo for the fourth time this month, but at least you guys have been combating my depressive spiral by being so enthusiastic and kind about press four and silver underground. 🩷
i am so very grateful for your support and outpour of love and enthusiasm, i'm not kidding when you say this blog is my lifeline.
#it's... whew it's been a horrible week#month year whatever#but particularly this week#i'm very scared as i only have 3 weeks left until i'm totally out of meds but#honestly writing press four has really taken my mind off of the battle#that i'm kind of at the mercy of just calling 400x#so i'm not joking#your anons your messages your ims#your reblogs!!!! are just so life saving to me rn to read#when i am feeling very hopeless rn
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Due to the nature of his work, Copperhead isn't active every night. He may spend a week hunting somebody down before delivering the coup de grâce, leaving him with a little free time before picking up his next contract. Copperhead often spends his free time caring for the various snakes and other reptile species that come into his care; sometimes these are animals belonging to former victims but often they are creatures which have been neglected or improperly cared for in some way, the serpent metahuman carefully nursing them back to health before making sure they end up in good hands.
#🐍 || musings#🐍 || headcanons#Sorry for the random headcanon post asdfghjkl just fed the new baby and I am emotional about it😭#Had him for about 2 weeks now and have been petrified I'm ill-treating him or doing something wrong#He's had his second meal and took it very nicely <3#So I can finally relax and focus on today's asks!#I had to move him from his horrible 4lt RUB to Ror's old faunarium as you know#But I kept hearing conflicting information that it'll be a big change which'll stress him#The trouble with RUB's is that they are so hard to thermoregulate#Sweet baby HATED the excessive heat but the faunarium offers a much better gradient#He's pooped and eaten and all is looking healthy so I can look into getting his next upgrade :')#I'm sorry for the random snake rambling you guys have no idea how relieved I am rn asgsff#He's such a sweetheart and I'm terrified of doing anything to hurt or upset him the sweet little puppy-faced guy <3#But YEAH Copperhead is knowledgable af when it comes to reptiles and their care cuz he's kind of one himself#Stuff like improper humidity and care upsets him#He'd absolutely keep babies in his poncho to make them feel safe
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