#these scenes are 10 years apart from each other so you can see my despair

[simandy]

There is no mountain that I can't climb; For you, I'd swim through the rivers of time. As you go your way and I go mine, A light will shine, And it will be me.

Past the ever after, there's a place for two; In your tears of laughter, I'll be there for you. In the sun and the moon, In the land and the sea, Look all around you, It will be me.

[yukisohmasmokesweed]

what are your opinions on the thought process that Shigure groomed Akito so he could have control over them?

i think this opinion is a massive oversimplification of akito and shigure's power dynamic that has roots in the latent sexist idea that men inherently have power over women, as well as the heteronormative idea that love between a man and a woman is inherently romantic.

first off, i think it's a pretty bizarre assumption that a child could have the wherewithal and foresight to enact a complex series of actions that relies on the aggressor having a working knowledge of children's needs and behavior and years of planning and execution. people like to cite shigure's childhood declaration that he "...want[s] to make that [love] last forever...to give it form and make it [his]" as a statement of intent to groom and control. not only is this an absurd thing to say about a child who can't be any older than 10, it disregards two vital facets of akito and shigure's relationship: the magic in combination with shigure's own trauma. in my opinion, these lines speak to the power of the bond and how shigure interprets it. hatori and ayame reject it, the former letting himself sink into despair over his lack of control and festers in resentment, the latter completely removing himself from family life in order to avoid it. shigure, however, copes with the curse by diving in head first; just like the rest of the zodiac, he knows that there is no way out, so he embraces the good things about it in order to cope. in addition to this, though we don't know much about shigure's upbringing, we can assume based on his short interaction with his parents that he came from an emotionally neglectful home (expanded on here), so the prospect of unconditional love from akito is something he craves. i think these are much more reasonable motivations for the beginning of shigure's obsession rather than positing that grooming a person he had never met before he even went through puberty was his goal.

with regards to gendered power dynamics, i think this take severely underestimates the amount of abuse shigure withstands from akito. the idea that shigure is somehow in control of the relationship is simply not true; their relationship is DEFINED by their power struggle, which is a game that akito was winning until the very end. it ignores that men can be abused (and we see him being abused by akito, both physically and emotionally), and it also ignores that, in many toxic and abusive relationships, there is not always someone who is purely a victim. shigure is undoubtedly horrible to akito back—he is vindictive, cruel, and cold towards them. he also knows full well that he is one of akito's most important emotional supports and uses this position to manipulate them. however, his gender and age does NOT give him power over akito. he must do as akito says, both because of the magic and akito's position as the family head. while their relationship is not necessarily a victim-and-perpetrator situation, the power dynamic clearly favors akito, who is literally all-powerful and a professional abuser.

with regards to the heteronormative idea that men and women who love each other is inherently romantic: the scene most often referenced for this opinion is the scene between teenage shigure and child akito in chapter 101 where he tells akito he loves them. i do not interpret this scene to be romantic whatsoever, and i actually think it's really weird and telling that so many people do. these are two people whose only comfort is one another and have known each other since early childhood; i don't think it's weird at all for shigure to tell akito he loves them in this situation. given fb's focus on familial and platonic love, how platonic love can transform into romance, and the fact that akigure is a parallel to kyoru, i interpret this scene as entirely familial/platonic.

i can understand why people have this opinion: shigure is a man, and he's older, and he is a manipulator. he gives people very visceral reactions because he's incredibly well written. his actions do also fit into some of the stages of grooming, but it falls apart upon closer look (source): he targets a child (ie, he becomes close with his cousin who he is supernaturally bonded to against his free will), he gains the child's trust (ie, they become friends), and he fills a need, in this case akito's lack of parental support, all of which he does as a child himself. he does not, and cannot, isolate the child because he doesn't have the power to—akito's status would prevent them from being completely isolated (a good example of akito's position inherently giving them more power). when it comes to sexualizing the relationship, we just don't know, there isn't enough textual evidence to argue either way. as for the last step, maintaining control, shigure does NOT try and make akito think he is the only person who can fulfill akito's emotional and physical needs. in fact, he's doing the opposite; he WANTS akito to meet and be changed by tohru, and he has no problem with akito's intimate relationship with hatori, who probably provides more emotional and physical support to them than anyone. you could argue that shigure is trying to isolate akito by driving the other zodiacs away, but i don't think shigure attempting to separate an abuser from their victims is what "isolate" is meant to reflect here. so, as we can see, shigure fulfills SOME of the stages of grooming, but i don't think they hold up to scrutiny if you're thinking about fb in a nuanced and world-appropriate way.

i can also see why people misinterpret shigure's bid for control as some sort of abuse, but he states that he wants to be equal with akito, not above. i do think there is an aspect of misogyny here; shigure's masculinity, and the role that masculinity grants him in society, is threatened by akito's control over him, but i don't think having fragile masculinity and making grabs for power because of it when you're in an abusive relationship is abuse in turn.

i'm not trying to absolve shigure of anything here. he is cruel, he is manipulative, and he does things to hurt akito on purpose whether it's in revenge or not. but i don't think shigure meets the standards of being a groomer, and i think this assumption, in addition to what i previously stated, is a symptom of fandom misusing buzzwords to gain points. it's not a nuanced view and i think a lot of it, in my experience, comes from projection; shigure, in all his awfulness, is extremely easy to project onto. however, i think that there are some things in fb that are just not analogous to real life, and that this aspect of akito and shigure's relationship is one of them.

[filmwuju]

[TRANS] Character Introduction: People around Dan-ah

Seo Taewoong | Jeong Jihyun | Seo Myeongmin | Dong Kyung | Lucian

Seo Taewoong (Male, 25) Member of boy group AtoZ

He thought "snowfall with large snowflakes" only existed in fairy tales. He lived in LA since he was born, and it was winter when he came back to Korea—an extremely cold country that snows a lot. To Taewoong, who came back to his motherland, that was his impression.

A name that is familiar to anyone, Seo Taewoong. But if you're imagining the man from the manga, then you're mistaken. He can't even go near sports, much less play basketball. He was born with a weak heart. Starting from the incubator, he spent his entire childhood in hospitals. He's got the narrative of a sickly handsome boy, but his temper is terrible beyond comparison. It was a result of his life since birth: enduring each day not knowing when he's going to die, going back and forth between the pathetic sense of hope that since he's feeling less sick today, he'll be better tomorrow.

His existence itself was a rumor. The fact that not even one family member visits the teenage boy who spends 350 out of 365 days in the hospital, was a permission that it's fine to gossip all they want. An abandoned love child of a conglomerate family, a popular actress's love child, a powerful sponsor's love child, so on and so forth. The rumors were not that far from the truth. Because he was a mistress's son, an existence that is one level up from being a love child.

Due to him attending hospitals instead of school, he was almost like an uncivilized man who is not yet fully socialized. When he came back to Korea in that state, Taewoong was 18. Amidst the thorough indifference, Taewoong was devastated. They let me in the house, and what they wanted from me was to "just stay alive." If need be, Father would probably use me to protect the things that my half brother and sister built up. He was so lonely, it felt like he had to sulk up and cry in a Dom Pérignon champagne bath that cost a billion won. What did he expect? Whether in Korea or in the US, there's nothing different.

Since his lineal relatives ignore him for being a mistress's son, he was treated as an invisible person by his collateral relatives*. Except for his half sister Dan-ah.

Dan-ah at least hated Taewoong. To the point that she had to pay him a hospital visit in the US. He felt happy about that. He learned that he has to do things Dan-ah hates to attract her attention; and while doing those, it became the joy in his life. People would probably say I'm crooked and twisted if they see me. That I'm a pervert masochistic scumbag lout. He didn't even wish for love. He just wanted to receive at least some attention. That thirst made him turn his gaze towards becoming an idol.

Don't disregard the ten-year hospital experience of the recognized "pediatric ward idol." Among the careers which one can have even without a diploma, being an idol is the one that received the least prejudice. Taewoong, who became the eldest member of AtoZ (when he doesn't even know how to do anything), possesses a great amount of fans due to his confident attitude and a personality that doesn't hold back. To be honest, they're probably all after his looks, but that's sufficient. He didn't become an idol because of music anyway. The feeling of receiving love—he thought it would be enough. Forgetting that he's best friends with despair.

In society, Taewoong is Voldemort. Only people close to him know of his existence, and they don't reveal it recklessly. People who like the idol Seo Taewoong are all over the world, but among the people who know the human Seo Taewoong, not even one likes him. There are dozens of languages around the world saying they love Taewoong, but one corner of his heart feels endlessly empty.

* Lineal relatives refers to the relatives you directly descended from and the relatives who directly descended from you (ex. grandparents, parents, children, grandchildren). Collateral relatives refers to any blood relatives who are not your direct ancestors or descendants (ex. siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.).

Jeong Jihyun (Male, early 30s) Dan-ah's Chief Secretary

Unlike his stern appearance, he is a humane person who pursues what's right and knows how to embrace the weak. He may totally look like a gangster to people who meet him for the first time, but he's actually a law school graduate.

His connection with Seomyung Group began when he became the private tutor of Taewoong, who was in exile in the US. Dan-ah began to keep an eye on him since then and scouted him the moment he finished attending the Judicial Research and Training Institute, telling him that suits suit him better than judge's robes do. Dan-ah needed a my person who is smart, and Jihyun had no big intentions in becoming a judicial officer.

He's a kind man who does his best in the work given to him and puts his heart into performing even the tasks not given to him at times.

Seo Myeongmin (Male, 31) Executive Director of Seomyung Group

He's the eldest son and mistress's child of Seomyung Group, born 10 months later than Dan-ah. As a wimpy person of poor caliber, he's struggling in order to not be pushed back in the line of succession, but he's in a state of having back-and-forth turnovers with Dan-ah.

Being a mistress's son himself, just because his birth mom is on the family register, he despises and looks down on the comparative (?) mistress's son Taewoong. Taewoong is basically his sandbag for releasing the inferiority he feels because of Dan-ah. He's from an Ivy League, but he does more harm than good because he's the type to do things following his heart rather than his mind. He's the type that has no in between—whenever he touches a business, it either hits a jackpot or bankruptcy.

*T/N: The question mark behind "comparative" was part of the original text.

Dong Kyung (Female, 43) Director and Agent in Dann Agency

Her intuitions are good, and her capabilities are even better. She's born with a keen eye for people. She can tell who will make it and who won't like a fortuneteller; but for her husband, she chose a man who won't make it. If she were to give an excuse, she was too young and blinded by love. What's fortunate among the unfortunate is, she realized early on that she chose the wrong husband and broke it off.

Mom, do you regret having me? Her son Yejoon once asked her. Dong Kyung couldn't answer. When she first had Yejoon at 21, she put the baby apart and went to school, even finishing her masters— that's the answer. It felt like her moment of regret had been discovered. She tried hard to replace that guilt with motherly love.

A career woman during weekdays, a camper during Saturdays, a butler who regularly attends worship service in Sunday afternoons. And a mom who has to love her children despite this busy schedule. Dong Kyung is too busy that she's in the dark. About the fact that she's overlooking the most important thing.

Lucian (Male, 24) Leader of boy group AtoZ

A third generation overseas Chinese, he's the spiritual eldest member of the multinational boy group AtoZ. That's because Taewoong, who's the actual eldest, doesn't know how to do anything aside from being pretty. His nickname is Lu. Because he's a quite well-known underground rapper who became an idol midway, he often gets attacked in the hip hop scene. When he's with Taewoong, who came from the US, they feel more comfortable speaking English with each other. He takes on the task of taking care of Taewoong's obstinate snobbishness. He's a man who receives love from fans for his easygoing and gentle image.

(orig post link from writer Park Shihyun’s DC gallery post)

[blackypanther9]

Part 38 - The memories...

You      = Your dream/past/memory - self.

No one’s POV...

As you slept, a weird dream happened.

In  your dream...

You stood in a very weird village yet...it also felt very familiar to you. As if you once lived there...

"Dest !", someone yelled happily.

You smiled at a girl with dark blue hair and beautiful rainbow colored eyes.

"******** !", you (dream self) said.

You couldn't hear the name, because some stupid static sounds appeared. You cringed at that.

"Hello Destiny ! How are you ?", a boy with brown, messy hair and bronze eyes said.

You heard right...bonze. You smiled back at him.

"Great Rexon. You ?"

"I missed you...", he said pulling you into a hug.

"Destiny my Love !!", screamed a girl, running to you.

You cringed and stared at her, disgusted. She tried to tackle you down with a hug. Sadly. You dodged her attack in a quick movement, with ease. She fell on her stomach and landed on the ground, hard.

"Oof !"

She looked at you, hurt.

"Why didn't you catch me ?! We are destined to be together !"

You looked at her in disgust.

"Stay away from me, Leondra. We aren't destined to be together ! I don't love annoying, stupid girls. I'm no lesbian ! Now fuck off !!!", you yelled aggressively.

She stared at you in shock and pain. Then her eyes darkened and her face was red.

"You WILL be MINE !!!", she screamed and attacked you.

You grabbed her fist, as she threw it at you, and twisted it until it made a loud 'CRACK !'. Leondra screamed, while your friends laughed at her, you just gave her a face with no emotions. After you had enough, you let her go and she ran, crying, away. Suddenly someone touched your shoulder. You turned around, quick, and flipped the person to the ground. Black hair and orange, surprise filled eyes fell into your sight. Familiar ones, you smiled.

"Gernaldo Alonso Brut ! My old friend. How are you, Scarson ?", you teased.

He huffed, but grinned at you. You reached your hand out to him, he grabbed it, but instead of getting up, he pulled you down on top of himself. You yelped in surprise and punched him playfully. After some time of laughing, you both got up.

Suddenly your surroundings were changing.

You were in a big room with 10 men there...they looked weird. Then you remembered ! The conference room ! You didn't know anymore than that.

"Destiny Andrea Dust...Your punishment will be a long travel in space. Find other planets, realms and races. Find out everything about them (culture, lifespan, weaknesses, strength, etc....). Find out how they call their own race too. Understood ?", one of the men said.

"When shall I come back ?"

"After one year you have to return, with all your knowledge you collected.", another man said.

"Then I understood. I accept my punishment.", you told them in a monotone voice.

You were dismissed and stormed out to get ready for your departure, called....home....

Then you suddenly saw images. You were at the race Gamora was from, the race called Zehoberei. Then you were even on Midgard ! But there still lived dinosaurs...At least for 2 more days. You saw Nebula's kind too ! Her race was called the Luphomoid. In every realm, you were, you talked, played, ate, drank and laughed with them. You actually really noted everything they told you and took pictures of them, with you in it. It was always heartbreaking to leave to another planet. One day...you were on a planet, named....Titan. You met them all...they were so kind to you, well...except one...A boy named...Thanos. You met the mad Titan as little boy ! After they told you everything, which took 3 days straight, you had to leave to another planet. Sadly...this was the last planet...And your calendar showed you that you still had years left...In space...it took longer than in your home. MUCH longer...

Suddenly there was another flashback. You stood on weird ground. Then you remembered where you were ! Morag ! You saw 4 beings in front of you, smiling. Death, Infinity, Eternity and Entropy...

"Hey Dest ! Are you coming ? Lunch is ready !", one of them said.

"Okay ! Give me a second Eternity, I will be there !", you said.

"Okay."

As 3 of them left one came to you. They stood next to you.

"You are dying, my friend. Why don't you tell us ? Maybe we can help you and safe your life."

"Death...You can't heal this disease. It is slowly killing me from inside. There is nothing you could do."

"Destiny...I already have a solution."

You turned to Death and looked at her. She continued with a deep breath.

"It may be dangerous and you would need to pay a very large price. But...it's worth it. The realms and space needs someone like you, to protect everyone from the evil and avoid innocent races deaths. You know that...the Infinity Stones...we created, were too big...right ?"

"Yes ? So ?"

"Everyone will soon find out, what we created and will be after us. We split every gem in half. Maybe...Your body is strong enough to carry one half of them inside of you. It would make you immortal. You were more than a god. And I would trust you, that you know what you do with them. You are a fighter and a strong one at that."

You stared at Death in pure shock. You then let tears slip.

"You really think it could help me survive ? You really...trust...me ?"

Death nodded, smiling at you.

"Of course ! You showed us that you are indeed, very trustworthy. But...you will have to make a promise..."

"What is it ?"

"Never use it for evil and protect the whole space with them. Kill just the evil ones."

You looked at her serious and said...

"I swear to never use it to kill innocent ones, protect everyone as long and good as I can and to just kill the evil ones."

Death hummed.

"Good. Now come with me, lunch is out for you. We start to implant them now."

"W-wait ! R-right n-now ?!"

"Hey...don't be afraid. The sooner we begin...the sooner you have it behind you.", Death assured you.

You took a deep breath.

"Okay. You trust me...and I trust you.", you said.

"Guys ! Destiny is dying ! Help me implant the other halves of the Infinity Stones in her body !", Death yelled.

They ran to you both.

"Death are you crazy ?! She could die ! You-!", Infinity got interrupted.

"She will die anyways. She is our experiment and also...she agreed to it and swore to always do the right thing. Now help me safe her.", Death said in an angered voice.

Eternity looked at you.

"Are you sure about this ? Do you really want that ?"

You nodded determined.

"I won't back out of this now. Guys...I wanna live ! I don't want to die of that disease ! It can't be healed, the Infinity Stones are my last hope."

Entropy sighed.

"To the table. We are gonna implant the Stones."

"WHAT ?!", Infinity yelled.

"You heard me. To the table, we are doing it. I don't want to let Destiny die so young, because of a disease. We will help her, because she helped us a lot. She is one of us now."

Eternity sighed.

"If Dest really wants to do it...I agree."

You and Death smiled. Infinity looked at you and saw how despairing you were. Infinity sighed.

"Fine. But if Destiny dies, I tell you that I warned you."

They agreed and you ran up to Eternity, Entropy and Infinity and hugged them.

"Thank you."

Then the room changed and you laid, strapped down, on a table. On your left was Death with the Infinity Stones. On your right were the others with their tools.

"You will feel every little movement. No numbing. It will hurt like hell. Do you still wish to do that ?"

You gulped but nodded determined. Infinity growled and mumbled that you were an idiot. Then they began and Entropy didn't joke that it will hurt like hell. You screamed in pure pain no matter what they did. They cut bone pieces out of your hands, feet and head. It looked like a murder scene, but you fought and Death kept implanting adrenaline syringes, to keep you awake, because if you close your eyes now...you would be gone for good. But the weird thing was...they put 1 more inside you. Which were then actually 7 Stones...After 2 hours of painful, torturous lifesaving, it was over.

"We are finally done.", sighed Infinity relieved.

"Yes. Now we wait for any reaction her body gives. I hope her body will carry the Infinity Stones...", Eternity said.

"If we placed them right and her body is strong enough, her soul and heart pure and innocent too, she should be fine. I believe in her and you should too. Like Death does.", Entropy told them.

Death looked at you and smiled a little smile. She stroked your hair.

"You did it. The little part is done, the main part is now..."

You wanted to ask her what she had meant, but she held a finger to your lips.

"Don't speak. Your body is weakened, because of too much blood loss. I mean that the Infinity Stones and your body need a connection. If one of the gems or your body refuses the connection...you explode and die. If they connect...it will hurt even more than that what we just did. We won't know if it will tear you apart or if they connect and accept each other. It will burn a little by the connection, that is because of me. If it hurts, but doesn't burn...they refuse.", she said.

You stared at Death, worried and scared. Death and the others sensed your fear.

"Don't worry kid. I think you will survive that. I know you will. You are very strong.", Eternity said, smiling.

"I do too.", Entropy told you grinning.

"Count me in !", Infinity yelled.

"We wouldn't have done it if you weren't worthy. We see you as worthy. The gems probably too.", Death explained.

You smiled a little, bravery in your eyes again.

"No...going...back...now...I...will...accept...my...fate...", you brought out with much effort.

"Rest a little now. It will take some ti-."

"ARGH !! AHH !!", you screamed.

They all rushed to your right side and stared at you shocked.

"It already has begun...", Entropy said.

"Destiny ! Try to ignore the pain !", Eternity screamed in panic.

"How does it feel ? Does it burn a little ?", Death asked calm, with worry in the eyes.

You nodded a little. You (Now) saw how you (dream self) glowed. (Don't forget that you see your past/memory self with all the events that had happened.)

"What is happening ?! DESTINY !", Infinity panicked.

You saw your dream self lifting itself in the air. You screamed even more in pain. You then heard ripping sounds and an explosion. You closed your eyes and as you opened them again...you saw your dream self torn in pieces. You gasped and the others did also.

"No...", Death said shocked.

"I told you she isn't able to handle it ! ARE YOU NOW HAPPY ?! WE FUCKING KILLED HER !!", Infinity yelled.

Death's face fell and her skull showed up. She growled.

"Shut up ! Look !", she yelled.

They all ran to Death and saw your heart, weird...it is still beating. And that with normal speed, like you still live. You saw it too and were confused.

"What does that mean ?", Eternity asked confused.

"It means that the gems were testing her body. Her body and the gems accepted and connected each other...They test their limits. She is alive !", Entropy explained happily.

Suddenly your torn body parts set themselves together and you were standing before them, in one piece, again. Your eyes were still closed, but not pinched.

"Destiny ?", Entropy said.

You opened your eyes and they were rainbow-colored. They all gasped.

"It worked !", Eternity yelled.

"You made it.", Death said.

"Thank God, Dest.", Infinity sighed relieved.

"Glad you made it, Destiny. And you have interesting eyes.", Entropy told you smiling.

You went, confused, to the mirror and gasped as you saw your eyes. Suddenly they changed back to your green ones.

"Well...I think you need rest and after that very much training. We teach you everything we can and know. The rest...you have to somehow figure out on your own. They have probably more than we in store.", Entropy explained to you.

You nodded and with that...The images changed again.

You saw yourself training with Death and Eternity. They shot blasts at you and you shot one back, a much stronger one. It knocked them back and they stared at you taken aback, before smiling at you.

"You learn fast. Great !", Death praised.

You giggled.

"I have friends, who teach, train and saved me. I am like you now !", you said giggling.

"No. You are more, Dest.", Entropy said, standing behind you.

You jumped and shot a blast at Entropy. Entropy blocked the blast quickly.

"I am so sorry, Entropy !"

"Nonsense. It was your right reaction.", Entropy said smiling.

You smiled back and the images changed again. You fought against all four and won.

"You are perfect ! The training was worth it.", Infinity and Eternity said.

"Indeed it was.", Entropy agreed.

"Entropy...I think it's time...", Death told her in a serious tone.

Entropy lost the smile and stared serious at you and the others. All their faces were serious now. Entropy sighed.

"Destiny...come with me."

You looked at them confused but followed Entropy inside the temple of Morag.

"Listen to me. You have to do some things for us...one last time..."

Your eyes widen.

"W-what do you mean ? Are you all dying ?"

"No. But we are hunted. We lived hundreds of years now, actually even 2 million and...some races found us and they know about the Infinity Stones...We have to get rid of them and hide them somewhere. We knew it will someday happen. You are still in exile, but we can't keep you here longer than maybe 40 more years. You have to hide the gems in the whole universe. Separate them and hide them. Then come back and honor the little time we still have left together.", Entropy explained to you.

"Can I touch the other halves ?"

"Yes you can. They won't overpower or kill you. They will just connect with their other halves and give you more strength in your body, if you want them to. But please...promise me that you will never do this. Just when you and the whole universe is in great danger and you really see no other way out. It can be very dangerous. Nobody can know of anything of this and us. Not even your best friends just if you are really sure you can trust them. Swear it."

"I...I swear on my life. And the Infinity Stones."

"Good. You are the protector of the universe. And not just this one timeline, it is to everyone there exists. You hear me ?"

"Yes, Entropy."

"Good."

You and Entropy went into the room, where the other halves of the Infinity Stones laid. Entropy stuffed them into a little bag and then stuffed them into your hands.

"We shouldn't have ever given these halves of the Infinity Stones to the Celestials... They told the enemy about them.", Entropy mumbled.

"I know it is actually not our right to ask you to repair the mistakes we made. But...please help us and fix our mistakes, we can't fix them anymore. We can just fight and then die."

You nodded with a determined face.

"I will always help you, because you also helped me, when I needed you the most. I accept this mission and will succeed. I always help the innocent and my friends. I shall prepare my leave. The sooner I go and do it, the better for all of us.", you told Entropy.

Entropy smiled at you, tears in the eyes.

"Thank you."

With that you hugged Entropy and storm - walked into your room.

Then the pictures changed and you saw where you hid the most of the gems. The Mind Stone in the scepter, Loki had. And surprise, surprise...it was your own scepter. The Reality Stone was given to someone who was actually very trustworthy...How did the Dark Elves ever get on it then ? You hid the Soul Stone in the planet Vomir, put a spell on it which Death teached you and is practically a curse...The Time Stone you gave once to someone on Midgard and said to protect it with their lives and that they can experiment with it. But you kept the Space Stone and the Power Stone, because there was nowhere a safe place.

So you returned to Death and the others and told them that you made it. After that you just had 20 months with each other and then THEY came. A little army and a....Titan.

"Dest ! RUN !", Eternity screamed.

You ran to them and hugged everyone one last time.

"Thank you for saving me...", you mumbled.

"No problem. If you ever need us and there is nobody here anymore...come back and summon a little sandstorm. Our spirits will take the sand so you can see us and we are there to talk with you. I promise you, we won't leave you, ever.", Entropy swore to you.

"We always watch and help you.", Eternity told you with a sad smile.

"Be safe kid.", Infinity whispered.

"If they ever attack your home, Dest...Run and don't turn back. You can't let him catch you.", Death told you.

"I swear I will, my friends..."

Then you jumped into your little Space ship and flew away like the devil, wiping your tears from your face. The next image was after your exile. Your friends pestered you with questions, you didn't want to answer and so you didn't answer them. You fought with yourself and shedding tears, about your 4 friends.

"How many times did I say that you should shut up finally ?!", you screamed at them.

They all stopped and looked at you shocked. The girl with the dark blue hair then cleared her throat.

"Dest is right...She just came back...she must be exhausted.", she said.

"Thank you, Se****na.", you growled.

"No problem."

And her friends, except the dark blue haired girl, left. She walked you home and went with you inside the house.

"You know that you can trust me and you have to tell me. I can read you Dest. We are best friends since we were 4 years old. We are now 20 years old.  You are hurt, worried, conflicted, sad, angry and you feel betrayed. Your eyes were always the key to your true face. I hate your facades. So...What the hell happened ?"

At first you ignored her, hoping that she will drop it, but...it didn't happen. You sighed.

"If I tell you, you must be a grave about it all, or else I have to kill you. Understood ?"

She nodded her head, staring at you serious. With that you sighed and told her everything. Well...Until she interrupted you.

"WHAT ?! They saved your life with powerful stones that could, in the wrong hands, destroy the whole universe ?! Because you had that deadly disease, nobody can heal ?!"

"Yes."

"You must be very close friends then...Sorry for interrupting...please continue."

And so you did. With a few interruptions here and there to answer the girl's questions. She comforted you. Then the images changed again. The village was under attack, you dragged your dark blue haired friend with you, to a hole that could send you to death, your only escape. You both stopped in front of it and you turned your back to the hole.

"Se****na ! Please I beg you ! Just do it, for all of us !"

"Dest...I can't do this to you ! You are my best friend !"

"JUST DO IT !! IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO ESCAPE HIM !", you screamed.

"NO !!!"

"Se****na...please...just delete my memories. He and I won't know each other after that for a while. It is the best plan I have for the future. Please. You are the only one who can do this !"

"I..I-I !"

You grabbed the girl by the shoulders.

"Se****na...I trust you to help everyone in the universe to be safe a little longer. Please."

"O..okay...", she sobbed.

The girl stretched her arm out and whispered a spell. After she was done she hugged you.

"I locked them away. No one can erase your memories, Dest. Be careful and...try to remember us some day..."

With that she pushed you into the abyss. You had tears in your eyes and she screamed.

"In the library ! We hopefully will meet soon again !"

'Thank you Serafina...'

Then an impact came and you landed in Asgard. You still had the Space Stone with the Tesseract around it, you created it once. As you saw King Bor you told him to come down and explained everything quick (You and soon losing your memories). Then you pushed the Tesseract into Bor's hands your last words were.

"Keep it safe for me..."

"I will...Destiny..."

Out of your dream...

"DESTINY !!"

You jolted up in a sitting position, screaming.

"HELL NAH !!! MOTHERFUCKER !!!"

You then just remembered that you were in Jotunheim and everything is fine. You made direct eye contact with Laufey, who held a crying Loki.

"What happened ?"

"Loki tried to wake you up and you laid there like you just died !", Thor roared in anger.

"Don't you dare screaming at me you little shit !!", you screeched at Thor.

He fell silent and was pale. You turned back to Laufey.

"How late is it ?"

He looked at his clock.

"2 am. You slept for almost 2 hours."

"Okay. Loki and the others go back to sleep. I will wake you up later. Sorry for panicking and waking you... Laufey...we have to talk."

Laufey looked at you confused but nodded.

"Why can't we stay too ?", Loki asked.

"Because...it doesn't concern you. Just go back to sleep guys..."

'Lena fled somewhere...we have no clue where our friend is...', you heard Serafina's voice say.

"Okay.", they mumbled and went back.

"So...What do you wanna talk about ?", Laufey asked you worried.

"....My first life...and memories..."

He stared at you shocked.

Part 39

Masterlist with all Chapters of this Story click here !  

[naruhearts]

Destiel in 15x03: “WHY DOES THAT SOMETHING ALWAYS SEEM TO BE YOU?”

CAS: You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me.

CAS: My powers are failing. I’ve tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don’t wanna hear it. You don’t care. I’m...dead to you. You still blame me for Mary?

[DEAN tilts head; says nothing]

CAS: Well I don’t think there’s anything left to say.

[CAS turns to walk away]

DEAN: Where’re you going?

CAS: Jack’s dead. Chuck’s gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it’s time for me to move on.

Cred: @xSimply_Mishax

- - - - - - 

Me: 

OH MY GOSH!!

I hope to get a full 15x03 review going next week after my Pharmacology quiz Monday, so I’m copying and pasting my sloppy thread from Twitter again--

Y'all can look at that scene as platonic or shitty storytelling, and your feelings are entirely valid, but in my humble opinion, this friggin' scene, right here, peeps...QUALITY PERSONAL STORYTELLING. A PUNCH IN THE NARRATIVE GUT!! Close friends — deep platonic friends — don't experience such an extreme magnitude of intense pain, hurt, and confrontation re: tangled and complicated feelings. The intentional sombre ambience, with bright harsh lighting conveying the harsh nature of Dean and Cas’ current relationship? Cas walking away, subverted from 4x20 The Rapture, YES @castielslostwings​, in which Dean’s (and Cas’) ultimate failure to use their words broke them irreparably (temporarily)? Cas internalizing his duty-bound calling to Heaven and splitting up with Dean at the end of 4x20 while, at the same time, experiencing his fall from grace re: Dean Humanity Winchester’s influence; then, in paralleling contrast to 15x03, he leaves Dean behind again, this time completely devoid of any positive self-process and hope upon the false knowledge that Dean hates him and no longer wants anything to do with him? The framing between Dean and Cas, with a single table and lonely lamp, once upon a time fixtures of comfort and discussion, exposing the isolation they both feel (not to mention Dean’s holding his own cup of booze — the typical cue that he’s going to cope badly)?

*clutches chest*

Sam was, since last season, easily able to realize (purposely able, in part because unlike Dean, he has a platonic relationship with Cas which allows him to use his RATIONAL judgement, not clouded by strong emotions) that Cas had NOTHING TO DO with Mary's death. 

This explosive ROMANTIC breakup between Dean and Cas specifically -- Sam locked away in his room a la S12/13 era grieving!Dean -- was the culmination of YEARS of messy feelings and unsaid emotions; Dean, fearing that what he has with his family — with CAS, isn't real — finally drove Cas to the edge. It was the only common (TERRIBLE) way Dean knew how to protect himself from getting hurt again. Most of all, by driving Cas away, he thought he was protecting both of them. 

I mean, DEAN HAD UNSHED TEARS IN HIS EYES THE ENTIRE TIME. WHEN HE SAW CAS WALK AWAY — as he tightly gripped the table with his hand — HIS HEART BROKE, alongside the orchestral swell of DEAN’S THEME. THIS SCENE WAS MEANT TO HURT BADLY. IT WAS MEANT TO TEAR THE BOND BETWEEN DEAN AND CAS APART. THIS NARRATIVE IS CANON. BOBO EXECUTED IT BEAUTIFULLY, INTERSPERSING DEAN AND CAS' SCENES WITH SAM/ROWENA. They both lost their respective allies. Friends. LOVERS (potential in Sam and Rowena’s case) (jeez louise the visual intercut between both of their scenes!!! My heart’s still pounding.)

So, let's go over this again: if Dean and Cas’ relationship truly is platonic in nature and nothing else beyond that, how come it's not SAM telling Cas he's always the thing that goes WRONG? (Besides the obvious fact that he was preoccupied himself, absolutely shattered over Cas parallel-Rowena’s death, which was a WILLFUL CHOICE ROWENA MADE ON HER OWN?)

 How come it's not SAM who still wrongly blames Cas for Mary's death? 

(Dean could barely look Cas straight in the eye precisely because he knew that what he said was irrevocably false.)

That's right: we DON'T see Sam treating Cas horribly because SAM ISN'T IN LOVE WITH CAS.

DEAN IS. 

It’s the beauty of these structural romantic patterns the underlying cyclic metanarrative’s been spinning us all with!!

THE LOVE DEAN FEELS FOR CAS IS SO IRRATIONAL AND SO TURBULENT AND YET SO RIGHT. IT'S BEEN A ROMANCE TROPE FOR YEARS: BREAK THEM UP FOR A MUCH SWEETER MAKEUP *throws self off cliff 49854985 times*

For now, Dean and Sam lost their closest allies. For now, Dean lost Cas, the most important man in his life, his sunshine, his win, his confidante...his spouse (and I tell you, the negative spaces are SCREAMING here. The subtext is pushing against the wall of text hard in S15). This scene was, for all intents and purposes, a smack-dabb fest of breaking up to pursue the last stretches of individual growth before they reunite to form a stronger unit. Remember, you can’t properly give yourself to another nor love another if you can’t love yourself. At this point, after the phenomenal hurdles of growth they experienced throughout the last 3 seasons, Dean and Cas are close to achieving full self-actualization! Almost there! Final regression before progression!

I mean, we’ve all been saying this for years now, too! THEY MUST USE THEIR WORDS, OR ELSE MISCOMMUNICATION WILL BE THE DEATH OF THEM. Tonight, it finally unfolded. The necessary smiting of their son Jack’s body, then Rowena’s literal death (which I humbly think isn’t permanent at this time for reasons I hope to explain later), offset by Cas’ metaphorical death via his walking out on Dean as a semi-regressed, hopeless shell of himself who thinks he no longer holds any ties — or has any meaningful place — in Dean’s life, shattered Team Free Will (Cas’ quiet “I think it’s time for me to move on” was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever heard from him in the romantic context of the moment! Dean and Cas’ marital discord/tension was deliberately reaching an ugly peak since 15x01; their relationship encountered its worst Rupture yet. The ep literally encapsulated RUPTURE...the rupture of trust, love, faith, and hope. The writers are highlighting it incredibly well, and I’m sitting here holding my breath!!)

Chuck, the ultimate Big Bad and toxic father figure, was still exerting his oppressive presence despite his physical absence within their dialogue (and tonight’s main plot). His actions in 14x20 led them to this, prying open their deepest insecurities and allowing despair to take over again (Belphegor, significant exposition, expectedly triggered Cas’ fears by referring to his sense of expendability under Sam and Dean’s wing). It’s what Chuck wanted: to destroy the found Winchester family who dared to defy him --> Cas believes he’s unwanted by Dean and has no family. Dean believes he deserves Cas leaving him. 

WHAT A MESS!!

CONGRATULATIONS AND HUUGE APPLAUSE BOBO FOR CREATING THE BEST ANGSTY MISCOMMUNICATIVE TROPED-UP EMOTION-CENTERED EP SO FAR FOR THIS FINAL SEASON YET AGAIN!!

No joke. I shed some nasty tears, hand cupped over my mouth. The raw anguish of Jensen and Misha’s chemistry radiated off the screen!!

RATING: 10/10

Things must get worse before they get better, and Dabb & Co know it. (I’m cautiously optimistic, and I’m one of the annoying positive believers who do not think Cas is going to die at the end of this show. It simply would be the bottom-line crap cop-out for him and TFW as a collective. We shall see!!) 

[shadowlink06]

Heart of the King / Body and Soul Deleted Scenes

I've mentioned before that the script for WiR has changed significantly as I published each chapter. I just want to highlight some events that did happen at this point in the story that were in original script to give you an idea how far the story has flown out of my hands to the point where it is hardly recognizable. 

Noctis wasn't supposed to make any type of appearance until the 10 year mark and he had absorbed the crystal's power. Originally he was supposed to be seen in God's Blight only.

Gladio and Prompto were supposed to visit Ignis more within the three month span however they still were not aware of Emus/Ardyn

Ignis and Ardyn were supposed to spend about a year or two together before anyone realized anything was wrong. Talcott was supposed to be the original person that noticed the changes and reported it to Cid.

Gladio and Prompto were supposed to travel to Hammerhead after Ignis's initial visit with them.

Prompto was supposed to pick up on Ardyn's presence in Ignis's hotel room by seeing the restraints and bloodstains on the sheets.

Prompto and Gladio were supposed to both confront Ardyn after the horde had attacked Galdin Quay after Ignis became infected. Gladio was supposed to be the one severely injured by Ardyn.

Gladio was supposed to find Ignis after Ardyn kidnapped him.

Ignis was not supposed to be "broken" by Ardyn until he was kidnapped nor was Ardyn supposed to fall in love with Ignis until this point.

Leviathan was supposed to be the only Astral that would have been attached to Ignis.

Cor, Aranea, Ifrit, Shiva, Titan, and Ramuh weren't supposed to have appearances in Body and Soul - only mentions.  

And just for fun, here is some dialogue/scenes that I had to delete/omit/rewrite:

Chapter 12:

“You… were never going to kill him.” Ignis whispered. 

“So… you figured that out.” He had never really thought of the idea of transferring his own memories to someone else. But there was no other way to explain why Ignis would suddenly come to that realization on his own. 

“I am… I was the true King of Insomnia before my brother took that title from me. The King you try so desperately to protect, the empire that he built upon should have been mine.” There was a pause as he watched Ignis take in his words. “So now that you know that truth… is your allegiance with the King of Insomnia or towards Noctis?” 

The Usurper… his vision had called Ardyn. The one that wanted the throne… the way that it was framed, Ardyn indeed was the one looking to spill the royal blood. Yet he had no way of knowing the truth of why the rage was there. The twisted history of Somnus and Ardyn… The one that had been in the wrong and the one that had been wronged was reversed. Even with his extensive knowledge never had he heard such a tale before. 

“You know I don’t lie… is that why you can’t answer me?” 

All this time…. Ignis had thought that he had been protecting Noctis. Every time Ardyn had taken him was all in the service of his king but now he realized why Ardyn had spent time with the Kingsglaive and why he had left the crystal alone. He had been protecting Noctis all this time. . 

“I told you a long time ago, your sacrifice to protect Noctis was meaningless.” 

“...Yet you toyed with me. Used me.” 

“Indeed I did.” And Ardyn didn’t seem to be apologetic when it was framed that way. “Is that not what monsters do?”

Ignis’s heart sank hearing those words.The man was going to keep him here. Unconsciously he should have known that Ardyn would have taken an extreme measure. He knew the man’s secret now and he was sure that the Usurper wanted him to admit his feelings towards him. “...Ardyn, don’t do this.”

“You leave me no choice.” 

Yet you gave me no choice either, Ignis thought. His clothing was torn away from him dreading what was going to happen to him. Even when his legs were lifted on the man’s shoulders, he felt numb. Unconsciously he was already relaxing his muscles for the intrusion. No matter how many times this had been done, it always felt as though he was losing a part of himself. The retainer felt something warm sliding down his cheeks as his body was worked up to a rhythm.

 his body kept recoiling with each thrust into him. He was crying, he supposed. It was impossible to know when he started. He couldn’t tell if it had come from him or Ardyn and he was afraid to ask or even touch his face to prevent them from falling. He felt like he was going to drown and perhaps that was the best thing for him as the tempest of emotions was tearing him apart. He thought that he heard someone sobbing but It didn’t sound like his own voice. It must have been a dream...

Chapter 2:

By now, Ardyn had found his own pleasure with visiting Ignis. He was sure that the man would still happily slit his throat during his sleep if he could get away with it. The retainer hadn’t tried though. Maybe he thought it better to let Ardyn take what he wanted to go about his day. The Usurper never made a habit of visiting at a certain time, and even forced himself to spend days away to at least give the illusion that Ignis was simply a secondary source of entertainment. 

The only ones that saw “Emus” regular were the staff that were in charge of the hotel but considering that Ardyn rarely spent more than a few hours there, he hoped that it was more in the realm of delivering official messages on behalf of the Kingsglaives. When Prompto or Gladio dropped by, he left Ignis alone with them. Given that nothing had ever happened after their visits Ignis also seemed to not say anything to either of his friends about what was really going on. And through this balancing act Ardyn ate daemons all to keep Noctis safe as the world crumbled to pieces around them. 

But he had gotten to know Ignis on a far deeper level than he had meant. First it was exploring every inch of his body to incite his lust. There was a certain delight the chancellor felt when he could make the boy hard with even the faintest touches or draw out a moan that obviously was meant to be stifled. Ardyn found all Ignis’s weaknesses. Despite the protests, he had noticed the man started to have fewer outbursts and fits of rage. Every so often they would emerge, likely due to his own guilt with what was going on. After Ignis was wrestled out of his clothing and he was able to make the retainer moan that defiant streak dampened, lost in the haze of desire. He hadn’t tortured the retainer in the literal sense, but Ardyn had trained his body and it catered to only his touch.

Eventually Ardyn had stopped trying to get a rise out of Ignis without bringing up his useless loyalty to Noctis, the fact he kept his mouth shut about their sordid affair from his own friends, and even the issues plaguing Eos. They were all so insignificant since these humans were bound to die in one fashion or another. The only thing that was a ritual even from the beginning was just a string of words he always asked before he took Ignis. 

“Do you surrender?” 

And he was always meant with either a firm no or no response at all. Before, he had done it purely as a means to force Ignis to admit that he was weak, seeing him break. It was the last test knowing that there would be no excuse for his complicity if anyone ever discovered what they were doing together. So he always asked, just to see. 

Yet Ignis had not crossed that line. He had gotten the retainer to give him handjobs, blowjobs, tied him up, put a leash on him, any act of sexual depravity that he could do to drag the man deeper in his despair yet that singular issue had never changed. 

Chapter 13:

“There is no reason to believe she would lie about something like this.” 

“If she isn’t… that means that Ardyn has been with Ignis for [insert time lapse here]. He had to have known right?” 

“Ardyn can cast pretty convincing illusion spells though… you’ve experienced them yourself with Noct right?” 

“Yeah… but if they fought… Ignis had to have known the ruse right?” 

That did bother Gladio. If Ignis was under duress, surely the retainer could have said something to either of them, yet he had not. “It’s hard to say.” 

“We have to find him… I don’t like this.” 

“I’m going to alert the Hunters and the Kingsglaive.” Hell, maybe the Crownsguard needed to come in on this as well. Ignis may have been only one person in the grand scheme of the world, but given what Ardyn was capable of doing he’d never be able to sleep at night if he didn’t do everything in his power to get him back. 

Chapter 14:

Ignis had tried running away just once. He had gotten far enough to attract the attention of a horde of daemons before Ardyn found him on the verge of collapse. The retainer had spent so much time trying to keep from being killed it was easy for Ardyn to overpower him and drag him back to the makeshift room. That night, the Usurper had been exceptionally rough, though he never chastised Ignis’s behavior or asked for an explanation. Instead, he opted for the safer option of binding the man. Every time Ardyn went out to feed or had to leave him, he was tied to the posts of the bed and gagged. When Ardyn returned, only then was Ignis free to move around, forced into sex, fed and cleaned up and the cycle repeated until the retainer passed out. 

Ignis couldn’t bring himself to fight back. Several times he had pleaded for Ardyn to release him but every time he was only greeted with the phrase to say those three words to him. Something that was of course refused which only spurred the cycle of abuse to continue. He had dimly hoped that someone would have come for him by now but realistically no one could take the Usurper… no one but Noctis. Besides, they probably thought that he died from the starscourge. Without Luna there was no cure and his body had been declining rapidly. And no one knew what Ardyn was capable of, no one except him now. 

He had only hoped the more that he refused to give the demon what he wanted Arydn would grow bored with him. That was far from the case. Although their conversations were always short, there was always something new that he had learned about the Usurper which only added to the complexity. Each bit of information made him see Ardyn differently and as much as he wanted to continue to condemn him, he was having trouble keeping the rage he had harbored for so long towards the man.

 “...You will never break will you?”

Ignis paused as he heard that. “You want me to?” 

“I suppose I was hoping that.” 

“Even if it was a lie?” 

“Especially if it was a lie.” 

That admission had the retainer look in his general direction. “I can’t… you know I can’t.” 

“Because you are afraid of the truth?” 

“I’ve spoken the truth to you.” 

“You have, but it is a partial one.” 

“Why make me utter those words?” 

There was a long silence as he thought about it. “In the end… for the sake of my pride.” 

“And I won’t abandon him for my own.” 

“Such a masochist you are Ignis.” Ardyn’s armiger appeared before him pulling out the dagger among the ring of weapons. With one fluid motion he straddled the retainer’s legs looming over him. “You know I could kill you without a second thought…” And yet, Ardyn didn’t want to. This damned human had to have been the most perplexing yet frustrating man he’d ever spent so much time with. Killing him now would have been meaningless. He felt the man relax under him even with the knife to his throat. All of his threats now fell on deaf ears, he couldn’t do it. 

“I know you can. But even so… threatening me is meaningless.” 

Ardyn couldn’t believe he had fallen into his own trap. In the quest to break this man, he had committed himself to having an attachment outside the realm of mere whimsical desire. He knew he had experienced it before with someone else but he couldn’t recall that moment in time. She had blonde hair though, perhaps a touch lighter than Ignis’s, more wavy and certainly longer. The tip of the blade roamed up and traced it over to the man’s chin which he forced up. “And why is that?”

“I cannot love you.”

“I will not let you erase me so easily.”

“I am not trying to.”

“Yet you will not acknowledge me.”

“I do… I am.” Ignis whispered. He was far too exhausted to lie to Ardyn. As much as he was able to move around, he was suffocating under the weight of his prison and the painful truths that he had come to know. “You are always in my thoughts.” 

“Do you swear it?”

“...Yes.”

There are way more instances of scenes/settings being changed around post-script but I have either forgotten or they were already deleted off the document before I thought to save it. So if you are wondering why my brain needs a break well... this is part of the reason. As far as scene deletions, I’m sure well over 10k words has been dropped from the skeleton outline I had so that is part of the reason I’m going to just gut Gods Blight and start from scratch to avoid mass chunks of deletions like this.

[rvnjun]

should've known | lee jeno

genre: super power au! angst  warnings: graphic death scene, blood, and obvi death a/n: im proud of this one but it made me want to go back and rewrite parts of haechan and jaemins fic :\

The Dream Team M.List

jeno wasn't born with his powers which caused he a lot of damage

he had to learn to adapt to life with them, had to suffer the unexpected consequences of suddenly having powers 

12 years old, his parents were cooking dinner while he played video games

it was a new game so he was still in the midst of creating his character and choosing his weapon 

luckily he had his homework done so he had extra time to decide and play

unluckily he was planning them at the wrong time

a lab was doing experiments on a person with creation powers nearby

the lab surged with power, sending waves of electricity straight to jenos game

his body jolted and erupted with electric shock, the weapons on the game manifesting themselves into his head 

screaming in pain weapons began to spread around the room, all the weapons on his game taking form in real life

his parents were so scared, they rushed him to the hospital, weapons piling in the car

he was treated for electrical burns and introduced to a power therapist who he would end up spending most of his days with 

they didnt want jeno, they didnt want a freak of a son

the power therapist took care of him and made him feel semi normal

he had to transfer schools because he got kicked out of his old one

as unfair as it seemed, they had a right to kick him out

unable to fully control his powers still he was constantly making weapons appear at random times

which put the kids and teachers around him in danger

he spent a few months which his power specialist working on school work

before he finally had his powers under control to the point he could choose when to summon a weapon

and that moment was when his power specialist changed his life once more

he sat him down and looked jeno in the eyes “Jeno you have a gift, not many people have the ability to do what you can do. now what you choose to do with it is up to you. in the meantime i know some kids I think you'd get along with well.”

haechan and jaemin, two other kids with powers 

they were funny and talkative, he got along with them easily

and most importantly, they never judged him for his powers

they thought they were amazing

jeno had always seen his powers as a curse, his own parents never looked at him the same 

but the specialist, haechan, and jamein all had the same look in their eyes

awe and curiosity

the three of them were close friends when they met renjun, a feisty chinese transfer student with drawing manifestation powers 

together the 4 of them started a team

despite how much his powers scared him, hearing the way haechan and renjun talked made him want to

besides, he knew that if something went wrong and they ended up urt, theyd always have jaemin there with his bright smile 

joining their future super team were chenle and jisung, both introduced to them by the power specialist 

together they formed The Dream Team

a super powered team of seemingly ordinary teenagers who did their best to stop crime and unlike most villains, use their powers for good

all they wanted was to help others and give the gifted a good name again

jeno felt like the past years of his life were a rollercoaster, full of so many ups and downs 

he was finally happy thanks to The Dream Team

for the first time in years he felt normal thanks to his friends

after years of pain jeno deserved it

that's when he met you and his life got even better

y/n l/n, another gifted 

jeno met you after a fight, The Dream Team was hugging each other on their job well done when you approached 

you'd been watching them the whole time without them knowing

curious by what they were doing and their powers you used your own to spy

if someone asked jeno what his first impression of you was it wouldn't be hard, he’d tell them that your powers suited you 

you were awkwardly, fumbling over your words as you tried to speak to them

it was hard for you to explain what you were trying to

after nearly 10 minutes of you trying to talk and haechan complaining you finally spit it out 

“i was watching you guys and i want to help you. now my powers might seem very useless to you guys but if you really think about it, i could be very helpful. i could make a great distraction!”

jeno wanted you to join right away but he knew the others wouldn't agree

haechan looked at everyone and spoke up “ well a) we don't even know what your powers are and b) this team kinda consists of friends and you dear person are a stranger who is nameless im assuming as you didn't even tell us your name,,if you have one ”

you immediately looked away at his words before stomping your foot on the ground and pouting 

“MY NAME IS Y/N L/N AND I CAN TURN INVISIBLE!” you yelled at the top of your lung startling everyone

obviously you went invisible and jeno freaked out

“no wait y/n don't go! we won't let you join right away but you can hang out with us to see how things go!” he hollard earning him looks from his friends

they could tell why jeno was so eager for you to join, the fool had fallen in love by simply staring at you 

the rest was history

you joined The Dream Team as their manager/assistant type of person, soon after you and jeno started dating, and of course you became friends with them all

jeno loved you, you were always there for him and putting a smile on his face

you both got shy from affection so you never did any in front of the boys but that didn't stop them from teasing you nonetheless

almost everyday you and jeno went to a cafe for drinks

“would you rather have your current powers or haechans power?”

youd ask making jeno laugh “i think id rather have mine because if I had haechans powers,,i might not have met my friends or most importantly,,you”

jeno and you were in love, both having rough pasts where neither of you were born with your powers and a freak accident caused them, and both of your parents abandoned you and you moved in with a close friend

which only made you guys closer

one of the things jeno loved about you the most was how caring you were during a fight, especially the particularly bad ones

like the time jenos nose was broken after getting smashed in the face with a cat figurine 

you pouted and told jeno you wished you were jaemin and could heal him with your smile

which caused jaemin to jokingly yell at you saying that healing smile was his thing and you needed to get your own brand 

today was one of those bad fights

the boys went in to fight what at first was only one villain but that one villain had a team they didn't know about

the boys were almost all separated 

renjun was drawing as fast as he could, his creations starting to look more and more like a 5 yr old drew them

the weather was close to a hurricane thanks to haechan 

jaemin was freaking out and smiling like a psychopath , without knowing who he was if you saw him you'd think he escaped from an insane asylum 

chenle and jisung were together, about to pass out from using so much power

it was going bad but it got even worse when jeno got separated from the rest

trapped in a room with one of the bad guys he felt his panic arrise 

‘i dont have time for this,’ he thought, images of his friends struggling flashing in his head

the guy lunged forward and hit jeno with a good blow, blood splattering on the wall

jeno felt his panic be replaced with anger

he was practically shaking from his irritated he was

“i know about you and your team, i know who you really are. you're a bunch of highschool kids, did you really think you could beat us?” the asshole spoke 

jeno stared up at him as he added one “i know you're dating that freaky bitch that goes invisible to distract us.”

the smirk on the guys face made jeno feel disgusted

hearing the words he spoke not only about his friends but you sent him over the edge

you were the guys that saved jeno

“where is that bitch anyway? arent they normally he-” he didn't get to finish his sentence

swords appeared in the air, piercing through the air at rapid speed

the man was stabbed multiple times

he gurgled up his own blood, coughing in pain as he fell onto the floor

“fucking bitch,” he said while clutching his chest in pain

jeno was about to leave when he heard a horrible sound

“je,,,jeno,” a disturbed sweet honey-like voice coughed out 

his stomach dropped and his heart felt heavy 

“y,,,y/n?” he turned around, tears already pouring down his face

your ribs had been broken like twigs, gashes oozed with that desparible red liquid, your mouth was hanging slightly open as more of the liquid steadily poured out

your face began to pale, your eyes already looked lifeless

falling against the wall you slid down, a trail of blood being left behind from where your back was placed

“I just wanted to help,” your voice was barely above a whisper, you sounded so broken

“y/n!!” jeno screamed almost as loud as chenle 

running to you his knee betrayed him and gave out inches form your body

“oh my god,,what have i done,” he involuntarily sobbed, body shaking from screams 

warm tears flowed down his cheeks like a waterfall, leaving behind a wet trail of despair 

“no no no,,oh my god,, JAEMIN!!!!” he screamed for his friend to come save you

if you saw his smile, if you saw Jaemin you would be fine like it never happened

only a few seconds had passed but jeno was screaming out begging for jaemin to hear him and come

getting closer to your body, jeno wrapped his arms around and held you

not caring about the copious amounts of blood covering his clothes

“you'll be okay y/n, jaemin is gonna save you,” he didn't sound sure, it was as if he was convincing himself instead of you

you never spoke or moved, all you did was stare at jeno

rising slowly, you painfully and involuntarily took in more breaths

your lungs, it felt as if they were being ripped apart from the inside, only filling with more blood 

“i,,i just wanted to help,” you barely managed to get out before your breathing stopped entirely and head falling onto jenos shoulder

his mind, blanked of everything 

every thought, every memory, everything was gone

everything except one thing, you

your image burned in his head

the wind was knocked out of him, his while body felt numb, he couldn't breathe

he knew he was breathing but he kept choking 

the tears blurred his vision as they rapidly fell

he felt so hopeless, he,,he killed you

he should've known you were in the room with him, like you'd ever let him get separated from everyone

you always came to the fights as a backup or distraction

“I should've known,” he cried

jaemin,,he wanted to be mad at him, he wanted to scream and hit him, make him suffer the way you did but he couldn't

jaemin was busy, probably exhausted form smiling and using his powers

the door to the room creaked open

jeno assumed it was his friends, if not it was the villains and that meant everyone except him was dead

“oh my god jeno what happened,” renjun spoke, rushing to jenos side

jisung stared with his mouth hung open, wondering how he never knew this would happen, he gripping tightly on chenles arm

chenle let out a ear piercing yelp as he leaned closer to jisung

haechan stared at your lifeless body, rain starting to pour matching his tears

jaemins heart stopped when he saw the damage, knowing that he could've saved you

“y/n,,y/n,” jaemin cried while smiling at you praying that it would work

the tension in the room only grew as each other second past

 each member of the team morning in their own way for their fallen 

y/n l/n the “nameless’ stranger who approached them with wishes to be one of them, y/n l/n the loveable person who lit up jenos dark world more than is friends ever could, y/n l/n the mysterious invisible member of the dream team who just wanted to help

[thethoughtsfromthreeam]

California

Pairing: Agent Whiskey/Jack Daniels x OC

Warnings: None

A/N:  Parts 11 and 12/13 run concurrently but from different points of view, so when you see Several Days Later, it’s all happening on the same day.  And at last murder answers!

Also, shout out to @mandoandyodito cause their reaction gifs have been killing me over the last week.

Reminder: I haven’t seen Kingsman: The Golden Circle, so I’m just using the Wikia, IMDB.com, some gifs, and my own weird ass brain to make up this whole ass story.

Tag List:  @zeldasayer , @romanticgumchewer, @tarrevizslas , @coolmaybelateruniverse , @the-feckless-wonder, @lavenderl3mons , @pascalisthepunkest , @mandoandyodito​ , @randomness501 [please message me to be added or subtracted]

[PART 1]  [PART 2]  [PART 3]  [PART 4]  [PART 5] [PART 6]  [PART 7]  [PART 8]  [PART 9]  [PART 10]

Chapter 11 

Final Pieces

She stayed like that until she watched the life fade from his eyes and his body stilled.  He was dead and it was done.  When she was sure of it, she got up and turned back to Jack.  He was staring at her with a dazed look in his eyes.  Dropping the gun, she hurried over to him, falling to her knees between his legs. Her hands came up and gripped his face.

“Jack.” She whispered it so low that only he could hear it, fearing that he may not love her anymore.  Not after he watched her kill a man in cold blood.  She didn’t know if she could live without him in her world.  The elation that her pain was at an end abruptly left her at the idea of having nothing for her on the other side of it all.

“Marigold.”

She nearly missed it, but when the sound reached her ears, her eyes flew up and looked into his.  Behind the dazed look was love and admiration.  He didn’t hate her or fear her or whatever else her brain conjured up in those few moments.  No. 

 Jack loved her and he was proud as hell that this woman he loved so much saved her own self from the nightmare that nipped at her heels for five years.  He reached up and grasped her face before slamming his lips against hers.  Their kiss was a heady mix of desperation, admiration, and love.

In those moments, when Port was strangling him, Jack didn’t feel fear at his situation.  Instead, he felt deep despair that he’d may never see his Marigold again and that he was leaving her alone without him.  But now, all that dissipated as he felt his love for her coursing through his veins.

When they broke apart, both had tears in their eyes and wide smiles. She grabbed his wrists and held them. Their small moment was interrupted as Champ unleashed the agents.  Ginger and Tequila rushed over and dropped to their knees, wrapping their arms around the duo, and they collapsed into a laughing heap of limbs.  Ginger kissed Shirley on the cheek and cried.  Tequila grabbed her and held her close.

“Darling, I told you that you could shoot the pitcher.  Didn’t me and Whiskey train you right?”  His joking tone was roughed by his tears.  The four sat there for long moments holding onto each other as other agents came in and cleared the scene.  Champ turned to Merlin, who was standing next to him.

“Can you stay a little longer?  I’m going to need help with the West Coast crew when they get here and I’m a little ashamed to say, I don’t want to break up that party.”  He pointed at the crew with his thumb.  Merlin smiled while he nodded and walked out with Champ to debrief some HQ agents and prep for West Coast.

Snuggled in the arms of her friends, Shirley looked up and caught Jack staring at her, grinning stupidly.  Certainly, one that matched her own.  She mouthed something at him, and his smile got impossibly bigger.  He mouthed back to her.

“You and me and marigolds.  Always.”

---***---

Several Days Later

“The report came back, Ginger.  I think we got a hit on who Agent Port really was.”  Merlin walked over with the paper he printed off. Statesman Austin had sent over a file on a missing agent who went by code name Kirsch.  Ginger took the paper from him and looked at the picture.  She grimly looked up at Merlin, who nodded back.

When they read the report, much of it was redacted.  Ginger realized they needed the whole thing in order to tie up this case and close it once and for all.  She grabbed the phone on her desk and hit the button for Champ’s office.

“Champ, I need you to call Austin and tell them to send me the unredacted files for an Agent Kirsch.”  Ginger told him the picture looked exactly like the dead man in the morgue.  He put her on hold before dialing down to his Texas brethren.  After giving them a verbal beat down, he got back on the line with Ginger.

“Check in five minutes, it should be all there.  I swear to god, I’m going to fire that whole ass office myself once of these days.  I never liked Agent Rum, too damned arrogant for my liking.  And now his staff is starting to act that way.  I swear God is challenging me every time I gotta call them.” Champ ended his rant with a swig of bourbon.  “If it didn’t make me look like a complete asshole, I’d make ‘em put Mezcal in charge. Now that’s a damn agent worth something.” 

“Yes, Champ.”  Ginger smiled into the phone.  Something about this conversation felt like old times, before California.  To be happy a man is dead may seem crass, but she was elated.  The invisible cloud that hung over their little group was finally dissipating.   She hung up when Merlin signaled the arrival of the case file.

As the two skimmed the contents, Merlin whistled low under his breath. The unredacted files told the story of a man who loved pain.  Reports of him hurting fellow recruits in training, of causing physical harm in exercises, and plenty of them indicated that he was extremely violent towards suspects and even witnesses.  His entire history was a red flag and Austin ignored the whole thing.

Champ was right.  These guys were assholes.

---***---

Merlin threw the files up on the screen and together the two specialists worked to rethink their timeline.  At least thirty victims had been identified by Ginger, Tequila, and Chai over the years and ever since the microdrive came back into play a few months ago, over forty other possible names were given to HQ by other Statesmen offices.  Most of these were missing recruits, agents, and even retirees.

Ginger and Tequila took over the California case weeks after they returned to Kentucky.  With the limited information that Shirley had sent in, they slowly rebuilt the file load as best they could.  West Coast and Jackson Hole cooperated, but the work was slow.  It seemed that the killer could wait months between murders, and they were certain there were more victims out there.  

For over four years they pecked at the case when they could and when information came in, but it mostly stagnated until Shirley revealed the location of the microdrive.  That kicked the event into high gear, but they didn’t realize their dogged pursuit would bring the killer so close.

That drive also gave Ginger a personal win – she had suspected since the night they rescued Shirley that the person they were looking for was a Statesman and that he was keeping an eye on the case.  All the notes in Shirley’s internal report log drew the same conclusions, but she was stumped at how he was able to go undetected for so long given how wide his killing area seemed to be – all of California, Oregon, and Washington, as well as parts of Wyoming.  As active as a killer as he was, Statesmen were still bound by their jobs and would be tracked in the field.  But questions always have answers and they will come eventually.

---***---

“Oh my god. . .”  Chai sucked in her breath and looked up at Tequila.  “T, you need to look at this.”  He leaned over at the two files she was looking at and read them.  One was the death report of an agent from their Chicago office that went by the code name Pilsner.  The other was a report filed by Pilsner at the Jackson Hole office.  He looked at her – that first report was dated three months before the field report in her hands.

“Ging, I think we got something.” Chai called out.  Ginger looked over at her co-worker. “Pull every missing or dead agent, I need the list, I think I found how he was going undetected.”

With the tap of her fingers, fifteen faces popped up on the screen, including Pilsner and Port.  Neither looked like the man killed just days before.  Chai ran a search on the names and on her screens pulled up their field reports.  Tequila pointed out seven names besides the two they had found that filed field reports after they were reported dead.

Merlin moved back to his computer and pulled up the personnel files for every Statesman office.  Given the rather narrow naming scheme the offices use, it is not uncommon for several agents to take on the same code name in succession.  If the office was doing the work correctly, there will be a timeline of when the code name was in use.  He pulled the names he was looking for and the dates were cross referenced to the time frame they now built.

“Look at this.” Said Merlin.  “He was taking on the dead agents’ names after he killed them, but only if they were declared dead, but not in the line of duty, which would then alert other Statesman offices of the change.  If the name wasn’t put back into use right away, then he could modify his credentials within the system.  You have so many offices that its likely no one was paying attention to an Agent Port or Pilsner showing up to work a case. It’s how he could still access everything in Statesman and not get caught.”

“I bet you’re right, Merlin,” Said Tequila.  “I know all the front desk does is scan our cards when we arrive at an office, but beyond that, nothing else.  He clearly has the tech smarts to hide most of his tracks, but it sounds like he was relying on holes in the operating system to cover the rest.”

“Yeah, well it worked.  The Pilsner reports are from three years ago and it seems like we’re the only ones just catching all of this.”  Replied Chai. She shifted the files onto the main screen and let the computer put them in the timeline.   The four of them looked at each other and then back to the wall. Their timeline just got a lot easier as more pieces fell into place.  Ginger walked over to the phone and called Champ back.

“This case will be closed today, want to come watch?”

“I’ll be right down.”

[takerfoxx]

Coming to Terms with Homura Akemi, My (Formerly) Least Favorite PMMM Character

Or, How I Learned to Stop Whinging and Love the Emo Meguca!

I have a…complicated history with my favorite anime’s main character (and yes, Homura is the main character. Madoka might be the title character and the show’s POV protagonist, but like most things in this series, that was a clever ruse, and it’s really more about Homura’s journey than Madoka’s). The first time I watched the show, I walked away feeling kind of ambivalent toward her, even mildly hostile. And that’s weird, right? I mean, just look at her! Look how her character arc plays out! She was practically grown in a lab to be my favorite! And you know what? In pretty much any other series she would have been my favorite, no doubt. She would have been a first pick Fav of the Day, the starring character in whatever fanfic I wrote about it, etc. But since the show she premiered in is anything but traditional, the way I eventually came to love each character turned out to be a little…unorthodox.

Now, I’ve gone over most of this before, so sing along if you know the words. My first time watching Puella Magi Madoka Magica went a little something like this:

Episode 1: Blue funny, Pink cute, Yellow badass, Purple mysterious.

Episode 2: Blue favorite, Pink alright, Yellow probably evil, Purple mysterious.

Episode 3: Yellow’s not evil after all, and now is the dead. My bad.

Episode 4: Pink getting all fucked up, SOMEONE SAVE BLUE!

Episode 5: Hate Red for attacking Blue. Kick her ass, Purple!

Episode 6: Still hate Red.

Episode 7: FUCK YOU, BUNNYCAT! Red’s not so bad after all. But someone save Blue!

Episode 8: Aw, hell no, Purple! You don’t threaten Blue like that! You go, Red! You’re pretty cool after…oh shit. BLUE, NO!

Episode 9: GO RED! GO PINK! SAVE BLUE! YOU CAN DO IT, I BELIEVE IN…no.

Episode 10-12: Stuff is still happening with the plot, but I no longer care. My heart has been shattered, all light has gone from the world. My babies are gone. If only they had more time together, if only there was someplace they could reunite, really get to know one another, and go on adventures together…huh.

So yeah, that’s the story of how I fully got on board the KyoSaya train. Obviously, writing Resonance Days only solidified that, and coming across A Happy Dream by angel0wonder, AKA the potato lady AKA @smxmuffinpeddling (wazzup?!?!), pretty much cemented it as my top reigning OTP.

Now, obviously I got invested in the whole story as time went by. Subsequent rewatchings of the show, mainly through convincing people to watch it blind so I can laugh at them when they get to certain scenes (don’t hate, y’all did it too!) and taking part in online discussions really got me into the show as a whole instead of just being confined in my little KyoSaya bubble. But coming to love the other characters for their own merits took some time.

Mami was next. I’ll be honest, I just didn’t care all that much for her during my first watching, mainly due to believing that she would turn out to be evil for the first couple of episodes (I blame Disney and their recent trend of turning almost every kindly mentor/confidante figure into the bad guy lately), and me being more surprised that I was wrong when she died instead of being shocked that she was killed. Again, had nothing against her, that was just my reaction the first time around. However, she was included in Resonance Days because it felt like the logical thing to do, and she turned out to be so much fun to write for that I really came to love and care for her character in general, and her relationship with Charlotte ended up becoming one of my favorite parts of that story.

Madoka honestly took more time. I think the main reason I wasn’t all that invested in her is that she was pretty passive in the series proper while my attention was more on the more proactive side characters. And again, this wasn’t a bad thing! In fact, it was a clever bit of deliberate storytelling, as it’s revealed that she originally was a proactive main-character type, only to unintentionally get relegated to her observer role by the butterfly effect caused by Homura’s time loops. But anyway, the thing that made me turn the corner on Madoka actually also ended up being fanfiction, but not one of my own. Specifically, I came across a popular, yet also somewhat controversial, fic called Persephone’s Waltz (and wazzup, @erinptah!), in which Homura decides to just stop beating around the bush and lock Madoka up in a basement until Walpurgisnacht had passed. And as weird as it sounds, making Madoka a prisoner actually gave her more agency, as the fic really went into detail about the psychological effects of being a kidnapping victim, from the strange rituals to the escape attempts to coping strategies to Stockholm Syndrome to bouts of depression and so on and so forth, all the while never deviating from her core character. It really got me rooting for Madoka and, by extension, invested in her character in canon as well.

That just left Homura.

By then, I had gotten over being a little sore at her for trying to kill Sayaka that one time, and I was interested in where her actions would take the plot. I just wasn’t interested in her, per se, as I hadn’t had an icebreaker moment like I had with the other characters.

And then The Rebellion Story happened.

The Rebellion Story: PMMM’s End of Evangelion

Puella Magi Madoka Magica is often compared its nearly two decade-old predecessor, Neon Genesis Evangelion, and not without reason. Like Evangelion, it took a genre mainly known to be fun and kid-friendly (giant mechs for Evangelion and magical girls for PMMM) and turned it on its head, resulting in a brutal and twisted deconstruction that would end up altering the direction that genre would take for years to come. The key difference is that Evangelion’s brilliance was in many ways an accident, with the bizarre places it went being largely informed both by its troubled production and its showrunner’s personal demons staying bottled up through the early part of the show but letting them loose later on, whereas PMMM was meticulously constructed from top to bottom to become the hand-grenade to the genre that it would become. But in the end, the effects were the same. They even both had a follow-up movie that was not originally supposed to happen that ended up being highly divisive among fans due to the shots they took at the fandom that had sprung up around the original series, even if The Rebellion Story wasn’t nearly as spiteful as End of Evangelion was.

Now, I’ve already gone into at length about how PMMM brutally dissects and deconstructs the Magical Girl genre, and it did it so thoroughly that the genre itself was totally wrenched in a new direction, much like Evangelion did to the Giant Mecha genre. But after you’ve completely taken apart the genre in your first season, where exactly do you go? How do you continue when your work is seemingly done?

The answer: deconstruct yourself.

Much as Puella Magi Madoka Magica went after the Magical Girl genre, The Rebellion Story went after the fandom that had sprung up in the original show’s wake. The first third of the movie gives the fans what they claimed they wanted: a traditional Magical Girl reimagining of PMMM where everyone is alive and working together, everyone is mentally and emotionally healthy, the two fan-favorite ships are just a kiss away from being canon, Kyubey is now a cute and silent mascot that helps out instead constantly manipulating everyone around him, and even the most popular witch is back as a benevolent secondary mascot in a happy friendship with the character she had killed. We see Madoka and the Moemura version of Homura being adorable together, we see Kyoko and Sayaka goofing off, we see Mami cuddling with Charlotte with nary a head-chomp in sight, we see everyone being just being friends and protecting the city from weird but essentially non-threatening monsters. It is basically the summation of a hundred fanfics that had been posted between the end of the show and the release of the movie.

But this is still PMMM, and something is not quite right.

We all know what happens next. Homura starts subconsciously noticing that something is off, she gradually becomes Terminator Homura as she investigates the situation and regains her memories, and the perfect happy world is exposed for the farce that it is. Things collapse, and the truth is revealed: Homura had become a witch that had been trapped inside her own soul gem, those close to her had been lured in to complete the illusion, and of course it is all Kyubey’s fault. Because this is PMMM, and Homura doesn’t get to be happy.

But the movie doesn’t stop with that reveal. Once we learn the truth, it changes targets. It stops deconstructing the fans, and instead goes after something else.

It starts to deconstruct Homura Akemi, its own main character.

Despite her promise to continue fighting on in Madoka’s name to protect the slightly more kind world her beloved had created, Homura had found herself unable to cope without Madoka. Her mission had failed, and without that stabilizing force, despair had slowly crept in, corrupting her from within, to the point where (I believe at least) she had been fighting not to honor Madoka, but in hopes that she would fall in battle and be carried off by her goddess. She had been fighting not in hopes of building a better world, but as a way to seek release from her pain. She had been miserable in Madoka’s new world, even moreso than she had been during her time loops.

And because she had been foolish enough to tell the truth to Kyubey, the little rat had taken the opportunity to use her to set a trap. Madoka had been pulled out of Heaven right into the Incubators’ clutches, and it was all her fault.

Is it any wonder that she had been unwilling to accept Madoka’s salvation during the climatic battle? Is it any wonder that her own labyrinth had featured her own familiars dragging her away to her own execution? Homura hated herself. She hated what she had become, she hated what she had allowed to happen, she hated that she had failed so utterly and completely.

In fact, I’d say that this movie shows something about Homura that I don’t think a lot of people will appreciate me pointing out, and that is as much as Homura was single-mindedly devoted to Madoka, she never really came to know her. I mean, how could she? She only knew Madoka over the course of a few of a few infatuated weeks the first time around, which she then repeated over and over and over again, becoming increasingly traumatized over time. I don’t doubt that her devotion to Madoka is real, but The Rebellion Story does seem to suggest that after a while she was fixated on Madoka as an ideal rather than Madoka as an actual person, something to be protected and possessed rather than as a living, breathing person with her own autonomy.

Now, am I saying that Homura is a bad person and that anyone who felt inspired by her resilience and devotion is wrong? Of course not. Am I saying that anyone that ships MadoHomu is bad, promoting toxic relationships, etc.? Hell no! What I’m saying is that due to everything she’s been forced to endure and fight again, she is a very mentally unhealthy individual, one who is in desperate need of help. And if an actual relationship between her and Madoka is going to realistically work, well, first something  drastic will have to happen to upset her new system and give Madoka her power back, but Homura is also going to need tons of therapy.

As I said before, Homura’s decision to rip Madoka out of the Law of Cycles and turn herself into Homucifer has been pretty controversial, with many people claiming that it betrayed her characterization. To those people, I would say that they never really knew the real Homura Akemi. The show set up an idealized version of Homura, and people had that ideal imprinted in their mind. And I can’t really blame them for that. The show ended on a big, optimistic moment with Homura making a big speech about how she was going to keep fighting in Madoka’s name. It’s all very stirring, and I can’t fault anyone who would feel betrayed by their Homura acting against that promise.

But as a sadistic bastard in another dark show that is now also very controversial once said, “If you think this story has a happy ending, then you clearly haven’t been paying attention.”

Homura Akemi Did Everything Wrong, and It’s Okay to Admit That

Even though The Rebellion Story got me interested in seeing where the whole Homucifer vs. Godoka thing would go, I still wasn’t all that invested in Homura as a person. I was entrenched too deep in my KyoSaya world, and everything outside of that was just so much plot. Most of my focus was on Resonance Days, which just didn’t involve her at all.

It took years, but three things finally cracked me out of that shell. The first was writing Walpurgis Nights, of course. Granted, Homulilly was more of a Moemura than Homucifer, but that story really made me dive deep into her innate insecurities, to explore her struggles with self-loathing and her reliance on Madoka for any kind of validation.

The second was watching through a few blind reactions to the series, seeing how other people reacted to her character and the things that they picked up that I had missed. One thing in particular stood out to me: during Homura and Madoka’s first meeting in episode ten, Homura is actually shocked when Madoka casually addresses her by her first name, as no one ever called her by her first name.

And the third might get me some hate, but it was through coming across this little video:

Now, like many things I’ve discussed in this post, this video has been pretty polarizing, with some people outright hating it and labeling it as slanderous character bashing. The clickbaity title certainly doesn’t help, and I can’t say I agree with all of its points. But the video really isn’t the character-bashing piece that it might seem like. Rather, it’s as much a deconstruction of a character that has been heavily idealized by the fandom, pointing out the many mistakes and, while it certainly was not her fault, how she was driven more by a personal need for validation rather than selfless love.

That’s when it all clicked for me, all the little pieces coming together.

Despite how badass she appears to be, despite how unwavering her adoration for Madoka is, Homura Akemi is someone who was broken from the beginning, who was re-broken again and again, who never seemed to make the right choice, who was never allowed to have what she wanted, who was never allowed to win, until she finally snapped and ripped apart the carefully-laid plans and systems that seemed to be set against her.

Homura Akemi did everything wrong, and that is fascinating!

Consider: when we first meet her, she is a young girl who has known nothing but neglect, who has been shuffled around by an uncaring system her entire life, who is physically weak due to a heart condition, who is terrified by any kind of attention and is genuinely perturbed just by being called by her first name.

Of all the tragic backstories in the series, hers is easily the worst. Mami and Kyoko’s characterizations are both defined by having a single horrific event in their respective pasts that took everything away from them, events that shattered their worlds and which they blamed themselves for. But at the very least they had something before the cruel hand of fate reached into their lives. Homura never had anything! Her family is so completely out of the picture to not even warrant a mention! Her heart condition leaves her constantly balanced on the precipice of death and frequently leaves her weak and in pain. She’s never had a real friend, never had anyone close, never had anything that made her feel good about being herself. So when the Arch of Victory witch ensnares her with suicidal thoughts, it doesn’t really have to try very hard.

And then Madoka came into her life. A cheerful, outgoing girl who showed her kindness, one who called her by her name and said that it was pretty. Someone who came to her during the scariest moment in Homura’s life like a guardian angel and saved her. Someone who was everything Homura had ever wanted: kind, humble, encouraging, non-judgmental, loving, powerful, protecting, and the list goes on.

Is there any wonder that Homura became infatuated with her? Not one bit.

But then something terrible happened. Madoka and Mami were faced with the horror of Walpurgisnacht, and it killed them. Finally Homura had someone in her life that made her feel good about being herself, and that person was stolen from her. She had to watch Madoka fail. She had to watch Madoka die. And she just stood by and did nothing.

And it is then that Homura made her first mistake. Kyubey being the opportunistic manipulator that he is, he took advantage of her vulnerable state in order to add another soul to his quota. And of course Homura accepted; who could blame her?

But consider this: Homura could have wished for Madoka to be resurrected. Walpurgisnacht had been defeated; it was no longer a threat! Then the two of them (or three, had Mami been brought back as well) would have been together, fighting side-by-side! I mean, it would have eventually ended in tears anyway, but Homura had no way of knowing that. As far as she knew, she was in a traditional magical girl story that just so happened to have a bad end, one that she could have fixed.

Instead, she wished to be sent back in time to redo her first meeting with Madoka, only this time as a Puella Magi. That way, she could help Madoka and Mami prepare for Walpurgisnacht! She could protect Madoka!

It wasn’t enough just to have her dearest (and only) friend back in her life. Homura wanted to switch the roles. She wanted to protect Madoka like Madoka had protected her. She wanted a reason to keep existing, a mission, a way to prove her worthiness, because she still hated herself and needed something to validate her existence.

But it wasn’t that kind of show. She didn’t have all the information. How could she have known that Kyubey was being deceptive? How could she have known of the truth about witches? How could she have known that her time-looping would make Walpurgisnacht stronger? How could she have known that each loop would alter the timestream, entangling both Sayaka and Kyoko in its web?

Still, she kept trying. She made herself stronger and stronger in hopes that she would be able to stop Walpurgisnacht in time. She tried to warn everyone about Kyubey and the witches only to be disbelieved. She watched the others die around her again and again. She watched Madoka either die or succumb to despair and become a witch herself.

And then it happened.

That all-important timeline, where everything in her changed.

The one where she and Madoka finally successfully defeated Walpurgisnacht, but lost everything else. The one where they laid side-by-side in the ruins and the rain, as their cracked soul gems grew darker and the darker. The one where Homura resigned herself to becoming a witch.

The one where Madoka sacrificed her final grief seed, Sayaka’s grief seed, in order to save Homura. The one where she made Homura promise to go back and prevent her from making a contract in the first place. And the one where Madoka died again, not in battle against a witch, but by Homura’s own hand.

Something inside Homura broke that day, something that was never repaired and never will be. It was then that Homura shed the last remnants of the frightened, insecure girl she had been and became the Terminator-esque warrior that we were first introduced to. Her missions was clear then: stop Madoka from making a contract and defeat Walpurgisnacht by any means necessary. Nothing else mattered.

But despite all her resets, despite all her preparations, despite (supposedly) finally having all the information, Homura still kept failing! No matter what she did, Madoka always made a contract and became Kriemhild Gretchen. And Walpurgisnacht just seemed to be getting stronger.

Finally, in the timeline that encompasses the show proper, Homura learned the reason why. She was doomed from the start. Her own resetting of time was only building Madoka’s karmic destiny, increasing the power of both Walpurgisnacht and Kriemhild Gretchen. The more she went back, the more the universe itself stacked the deck against her, and now it was all but impossible. And what was worse, she had done it to herself.

Just look at her in that second to last episode, when she’s lying there bloodied and broken, when she’s about to go back yet again but stops herself. Just look at her face as her soul gem darkens as literal years of despair seep out of the defenses she had built up around herself. She knew that it was hopeless, she knew that both she and Madoka were doomed, she knew that she was seconds from finally becoming a witch after all of her efforts were for naught, and it terrified her.

But then, just as all seemed lost, Madoka herself appeared to save her, but did so through the last thing Homura wanted her to do. She took all of that karmic destiny Homura had burdened her with and made a witch that shook the very foundations of reality. Witches were removed from the equation, and Puella Magi who had succumbed to despair were simply allowed to pass peacefully instead of becoming monsters. The contract system and the advancements wasn’t removed, and the girls’ wishes weren’t negated. But the cruelest aspect of it was.

And all it cost was Madoka’s existence.

Yes, Homura was saved. Yes, Madoka was spared of dying or turning into Kriemhild Gretchen. But the person that Homura had devoted her entire existence to protecting was gone, and by her own hand. Only Homura herself was left to remember her.

Can you imagine how that must have felt, to be forced to soldier on while bearing the weight of that knowledge, to know that you had ultimately failed in your mission and had to go on without the only person that had ever meant anything to you? Sure, there was that whole “always be with you in spirit” thing, but that is a poor comfort to someone like Homura. Yes, the show ends on an optimistic note, with Homura promising to fight on in Madoka’s name, but it’s often been said that the only thing that give a story a happy ending is where you end it. And while I’m sure that many fans would have loved to believe that Homura had done just that, had fought the Wraiths to the bitter end until she was welcomed into Madoka’s arms, the sad fact of the matter is that reality is rarely ever so simple.

In The Rebellion Story we learn how true that is. Without her mission, Homura was unable to keep herself together, and despair did finally overtake her. But instead of peacefully disappearing and being taken by her love, she had made the fatal mistake of confessing to Kyubey of all people the truth about the way things were.

Now, why would she do that? Why tell Kyubey about the witches and how Madoka had changed things? Did she not suspect that he might do something with that knowledge?

Personally, I think she did. Maybe not consciously, but I feel that deep down inside, she hated what the world had become, not because the Law of Cycles had removed a significant portion of the pain, but because Madoka had to erase herself in order to create it. Yes, deleting witches was a net positive, but it wasn’t the positive Homura had been fighting to achieve. Madoka had made her promise to keep her from making a wish, and Homura had to execute her right after. So I do think that she told Kyubey the truth because part of her was kind of hoping he would intervene somehow and bring Madoka back.

And he did, and he did so though screwing Homura over. Again.

Within the labyrinth contained within her own soul gem, Homura build the world she had always wanted to exist. The endless loops had been washed away, and she and Madoka were fighting together in a joyful magical girl show. She worked so hard to build a place that would make her happy, but in the end she had been unable to accept even her own gift, in part because she subconsciously knew that something was off, but also because she had conditioned to be suspicious anything that seems like it would be working in her favor.

Learning the truth broke Homura yet again. She had done this. She had been the one to admit the truth to Kyubey, and he had used that knowledge to ensnare Madoka once more. Her love was again trapped by Incubators, and it was all her fault. Is there any wonder that while everyone was fighting to rescue her from herself, she was screaming for them to stop while her own familiars executed her over and over again?

Homura’s decision to rip Madoka out of the Law of Cycles and again rewrite reality is a controversial one, and I get that. But when you put aside the cool, determined badass that she presents herself as and look at the whole of her journey then it only makes sense. She was sick of it all. Sick of being manipulated by the Incubators and their contracts, sick of having her desires denied by the Law of Cycles, sick of being held back by her own inadequacies. She was sick of losing, and that was going to end.

The movie is called The Rebellion Story, and that title couldn’t have been more accurate. Because at the end, Homura rebelled against everything: against the Incubators, against Madoka, against herself, against a world that seemed set against her from the beginning. She forcibly seized control, dominating Kyubey and his ilk, ripping Madoka from the Law of Cycles and reprogramming her to be sweet and docile, and even erasing Madoka and Sayaka’s friendship so that Sayaka wouldn’t interfere. In the end, she finally won.

And she still hated herself. Even after overcoming everything and embracing her status as the world’s new Devil, we see her own familiars throwing trash at her.

And that is the Homura I came to love. The icy, mysterious warrior that she was presented as just didn’t do anything for me. But the broken girl who seemed to have the entire world set against her, that had what little happiness she had stolen from her time and time again, that made mistake after mistake as she tried to fight against the unfairness of everything and constantly made things worse, that finally said “Fuck it” and forced the world to bend under her will but still wasn’t happy at the end it all? Well, just look at the stories I’ve written, the kinds of stories I gush about. That is a story I can sink my teeth into. That is a character worth investing in, because she is just so damned fascinating!

Now, I’m not going to say that she’s my favorite character now, but her story is the one I’m the most interested in. And when we finally get that long-awaited follow-up, I’m definitely going to be swooning over any and all KyoSaya interactions and watching what happens to Mami and Madoka with rapt attention, but the bulk of my investment will be in Homura’s story, because in a very strange way, her story feels the most human.

Now I just wonder how many people I’ve managed to piss off.

[iredreamer]

Thank you so much for your insights on Anne's life and the details of social norms back then! I really enjoyed reading your posts, and it's absolutely fascinating! I have seen some controversy around her relationship with Ann. Aside from the show of course, what is your perspective on their relationship?(I have read in a couple of places that Anne kind of just "settled" for Ann and her heart really lied with Mariana) So I was wondering, as someone who read about both the Ann(e)s what you think?

hey :) I’m finally answering you! Thank you so much, I’m happy you’re enjoying the history facts haha.

Okay, this turned out to be waaaay longer than I thought, so grab a cup of coffee (or tea I guess) and sit comfortably!

First of all, I think this is a difficult answer because I do feel like everyone could elaborate their own opinion on the matter, and at the end we would never know were the truth really lies. To have some kind of unbiased opinion one should read every single entry of Anne’s diary about Miss Walker and Mariana and compare how she acts with both of them and how she writes about them, and of course that can’t be done (at least for now) so…this is my opinion and it’s of course based on what I have read (my sources: Gentleman Jack: The Real Anne Lister; Presenting the past: Anne Lister of Halifax, 1791-1840; Nature’s Domain: Anne Lister and the Landscape of Desire and Female Fortune: Land, Gender and Authority: The Anne Lister Diaries and Other writings). We should also consider that these two women [Walker and M] were really different from each other and Anne meets them in two very different moments of her life, when she meets Mariana she’s in her 20s and when she meets Ann she’s 41, in twenty years a person changes, their priorities change and even the way of showing love and affection changes.

Okay, now, about the Mariana-Anne-Ann thing…I already wrote something about the matter and you can find it here, it summarizes a little what I think about Anne & Ann’s relationship and also has some facts about how things went between them and with Mariana.

I also posted some extracts from Anne’s 1832 diary in which she says more than once that she feels like she’s falling in love with Miss Walker and that: “I really am getting much more in love than I expected to be again”. So let’s debunk the myth that she didn’t give a flying fuck about Ann Walker.

Now, let’s dive in, I have many thoughts about all of this and I tried to organize them as best as I could but I probably failed, so this might be a bit of a rant and all over the place, I hope you enjoy reading it anyway! And, one more thing, most of this long rant focuses on the Ann(e)s relationship and what are (some of) the things and facts that make me think that they did love each other and that Anne Lister did care about Miss Walker. Here we go…

Anne Lister wanted a wife. She says it many many times. She’s always writing how she wants someone to spend her life with, and when she comes back to Shibden at 41 she wants to settle down. She’s tired of all those women who used her for sex, company and sometimes even money without seriously committing to her (and yes, Mariana is one of those women). I love when at the beginning of Nature’s Domain Liddington writes that Anne Lister could have adapted the opening of Pride and Prejudice: “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in need of a good fortune must be in want of a wife”. So, she was in search of a wife…

In 19th century marriage was a “legal agreement”, you didn’t marry for love but for money, so, yes, that’s what Anne was looking for in a woman: money and status, but also the desire of a happy life together. When she meets Ann and decides to court her she writes many times how she likes her company and how she wants to make her happy and how happy that would make her in return: “I really think I can make her happy & myself too”. And: “She [Miss Walker] falls into my views of things admirably. I believe I shall succeed with her - if I do, I will really try to make her happy - & I shall be thankful to heaven for the mercy of bringing me home, having first saved me from Vere, rid me of M-, & set me at liberty.” I think the fact that she was looking for happiness and thought she could really achieve it with Miss Walker is often overlooked and it shouldn’t be, it’s an important fact.

One of the things that struck me while reading Anne’s diary is that, when things don’t go as she planned, she writes again and again how she doesn’t care about Miss Walker, how she doesn’t care how things will turn out in the end, how she doesn’t care if Ann decides to commit to her or not, but her actions and her behavior conflict with all that. It seems as if she’s trying to convince herself that she doesn’t care, to protect herself from going through another heartbreak. This is an example, Ann had to give Anne a final answer about their commitment, Anne writes:

November 2, 1832 / We fretted ourselves to sleep last night - she lay on me as usual to warm her stomach & then lay in my arms – but I was perfectly quiet & never touched her queer – the tears silently trickling from my cheeks down hers. Somehow I was shockingly attendri [softened] tho’ perpetually saying to myself ‘Well, I care not how she decides…’. On awaking found myself as tearful as ever (…) We wept (& kissed) – I thanked her & she left me. (…) Both of us attendries & the tears starting perpetually I said my mind was made up for the worst – she said ‘Well, but she had not given her answer yet’…. She would (& did) mend my gloves – begged me to promise to let her have a night-chemise for a pattern – but she saw I declined promising. She hoped she should do many more things for me – never knew till now how much she was attached to me. I made no reply… she hung upon me & cried & sobbed aloud at parting… ‘Well’, said I to myself as I walked off, ‘a pretty scene we have had, but surely I care not much & shall take my time of suspense very quietly & be easily reconciled either way’.

The most important fact (I think) that gives us some insight on how Anne felt about Miss Walker, is that Anne was the only one who genuinely cared about Ann’s health. Anne Walker’s mental health was really bad but Anne stayed close to Miss Walker and helped her for months, trying to make her feel better, trying to restore her health. At that time the engagement was off, so it’s not like she [Anne Lister] was acting like that because she hoped her kindness would convince Ann Walker to marry her, it’s not like she was doing it for the money, she was doing it because Ann needed her. In her diary she says how the situation is unbearable for her, but still, she doesn’t leave Ann’s side. Why do this? It was all off, she didn’t have any obligation to look after Ann. Why take such responsibility? Why stay in a situation that threatened her happiness and mood if she didn’t care?

Anne Lister writes, again, how she doesn’t care about Miss Walker but then ends up crying when the thought of her crosses her mind: “Seeing her always unhinges me…I was low and in tears at dinner and could not get her out of my head and why? For if I had her what could I do with her?” Come on…it’s hard for me to think that the sadness she felt was only because things didn’t go as she planned, it’s hard for me to think that she cries only for the money. Do we really have to think her that cold? I think Anne couldn’t stay away from her really: “This girl, without really having my esteem or affection, somehow or other unhinges me whenever I see her…“.

When they see each other again, after being away from each other for 10 months (during that time they kept a correspondence even if it wasn’t a direct one), they are very happy to reunite and they end up together again: “Much talk last night till 4 this morning and then not asleep for a long while. She [Miss Wlaker] repented having left me”. Anne Walker starts talking about wanting to commit again and at the end they marry each other. Was their journey an easy one? No. Was it an happy one? Not always. But I do believe they cared for each other.

And I just wanna say, in those 10 months they spent apart, Anne Lister never tried to find a serious partner, she was always flirting and shit because that’s who she was, but she always wrote how she didn’t want to go too far with anyone and she just kept thinking about Ann Walker, even if she didn’t want to think about her, even if it was all off. She worried when letters about Ann Walker stopped coming. I mean, come on…

So, fast forward to their marriage and what happened after it. Mariana tried to tempt Anne but with no luck. Anne went to visit her for Christmas and this is what happened, from Anne Lister’s diary:

December 23, 1834 / I led the conversation to A- [Ann Walker]; said I liked [her], was more than comfortable and whatever might be said, money had nothing to do with it. M- [Mariana] asked if it was true that she has three thousand a year - I said no, but our fortunes would be about equal and that we should have five thousand a year… I was thankful things were as they were, for I was determined to have [some]one and certainly could not have done better.

December 25, 1834 / M- [Mariana] came to me a little before eight and staid till nine in bed with me - rather in the pathetics - she cannot get over her love for me - but I behaved with perfect propriety

Anne comes back home to Ann Walker (they were already living together, Ann Walker moved in at Shibden Hall after their marriage, going against her family) I think they’re cute:

December 26, 1834 / A- [Anne Walker] jumped up & came to me in her dressing gown & clock, delighted to see me back again - had given up in despair. Had tea - the 1st thing we did was to laugh aloud at her droll figure & the bustle I had made - explained, sat talking - told her I myself was astonished how little I had thought of M-, either of going or returning - very glad to be back again - mentioned how I had offered her the use of Shibden in the event of Charles’s death. 

Reading her diary entries (from 1833 till 1836) it’s clear that she and Ann talked a lot, their sex life was great, Anne introduced Ann to her social circle, they had fun playing backgammon (fun fact: Ann Walker was really better at it than Anne Lister ahaha), and yeah, they were just like any other married couple. There were also bad things in their marriage: Anne Lister had to be the one introducing Ann Walker to new people, Anne Lister read all Ann Walker’s letters and always suggested how to answer, and more…

So, what’s the point of all this? I do think that Anne Lister cared and loved Ann Walker. For sure the relationship with Ann Walker was not the most romantic one she had, but it was the most serious one, they found each other. Both of them wanted a “traditional marriage” and by traditional marriage I mean a marriage in which the roles were very clear. Ann Walker wanted someone who could take care of the business estate, manage social relationships and basically “play the husband” and Anne Lister was more than happy to take on that role. They were polar opposites but they wanted the same things in life.

For sure their marriage wasn’t perfect, but Anne behaved as she did because she saw their union as a serious one, “she saw absolutely no reason why property should not be as important a consideration for Ann and herself as it would be in any heterosexual alliance.” [J. Liddington, Female Fortune] at the same time we shouldn’t forget that “she did often demonstrate a warm affection and care for Ann” [J. Liddington, Female Fortune].

About her relationship with Mariana, I haven’t read much of Anne’s entries about her, but from the little I’ve read and from various commentaries, I can say that she for sure loved her (and yes Mariana was her first real love and their relationship went on for something like 20 years). Mariana manipulated her and led her on for years. The two always talked about how when M’s husband died they would live together, but from 1830 Anne Lister kinda stops caring about it, she’s tired of the situation and hates to be second to anyone. Their relationship deteriorates with time. She even wrote about Mariana that their passion turned into friendship or something along those lines. If you wanna know more about Anne & Mariana’s relationship I really suggest watching this video of Helena Whitbread talking about it, it really sheds some light on their relationship, their dynamic and how badly Mariana hurt Anne.

What I believe: Anne’s love for Mariana was disinterested and wholeheartedly felt, there’s no doubt about that (I mean, she saw her when she was 19 and fell in love with her right in that moment), if Mariana hadn’t been the bitch she was, Ann Walker would have never came in the picture. But the truth is that Mariana was always ashamed of Anne, used her and kept her close, taking advantage of her love but never committing to her, always and only concerned about her status. So, in conclusion, I’m happy Anne found someone like Ann who was brave enough to be with her and make her as happy as she could, and I think that must have meant something in the end.

I hope this long thing I wrote gives you an idea of the dynamic between Anne and these two women. There’s for sure a lot more to say and to analyze and there are still many Anne Lister’s words that haven’t seen the light of day so, who knows what else is there to know about how she truly felt about these two.

And one more thing, I think we shouldn’t expect Anne Lister to be the romantic heroine we would like her to be, because she wasn’t. She was a flawed, not “very nice” woman who lived in the 19th century and tried to do all she could to be happy.

[thecomicsnexus]

NEW TEEN TITANS #1-6 AUGUST 1984 - MARCH 1985 BY MARV WOLFMAN, GEORGE PEREZ, ROMEO TANGHAL, DAN JURGENS AND ADRIENNE ROY

SYNOPSIS (FROM DC DATABASE)

The Titans enjoy a training exercise on Titans Island. The game is tag and their objective is to capture their newest member, Jericho. Jericho keeps the Titans on their toes by alternately taking possession of each of their bodies and using their unique talents against each other. In the middle of the exercise, Raven appears on the scene. In the spirit of fun, Jericho tries to enter Raven's body. Raven, suffering from her own secret inner turmoil, panics and teleports away, forcing Jericho out of her body. Jericho's eyes are wide with terror and he signals to the others about a great darkness that he senses inside of Raven.

Everyone returns to the Tower to discuss the matter. They want to help Raven, but unless she elects to confide in them, they don't know what to do. Raven enters the meeting room and tells them that she is leaving the team. She is dealing with matters of the soul that the others could not hope to understand. The Titans plead with her to let them help, but Raven is adamant. She announces that she will depart the following morning.

Meanwhile, the citizens of Tamaran celebrate the end of the Citadel War. The Royal family sends a special envoy towards Earth to recover Starfire and return her home.

That evening, Jericho visits Raven's room. Raven thanks him for her concern, but tells him that there is nothing anyone can do for her. The journey that she must take is one that she must take alone. After Raven falls asleep, Joey decides to enter her mind in the hopes of learning the exact nature of her problem. He finds his spirit displaced to a nightmarish dreamscape made up of bones and tortured souls. At the center of Raven's soul is the essence of that which has been corrupting her – her demonic father Trigon. The essence of Trigon unleashes a psionic attack that forcibly expels Joey from Raven's body. When he comes to his senses, Raven is gone. The Titans go to Raven's room and Joey tries his best to describe what he experienced (using sign language). The sky outside Titans Tower grows immensely dark and peals of thunder accompanied by an omnipresent sinister laughter echoes all around them.

An impenetrable darkness blankets the Earth, and an unnatural thunderstorm assails New York and Titans Tower, all of which are manifestations of the imminent return of Trigon.

Lilith rejoins the Titans to help them search for the vanished Raven, but first insists they also recruit Wally West, the former Kid Flash, because of his former close relationship with the empath. She then leads the young heroes in a seance, using Raven's rings as a focus. Raven's image appears, but rejects their help, after which the Titans are mystically transported to an Azarath in the throes of destruction. Despite their efforts, Azarath and all its inhabitants are apparently destroyed. 

Back in New York, Raven returns to Earth in a terrifyingly transformed state, with red skin and four eyes like her demonic father, and announces his coming. 

Then Titans Tower is transformed into a solid mass of rock and a gigantic Trigon appears atop it.

Lilith taps the power of Raven's rings to return herself, the Teen Titans, and Arella to Earth, which has been totally taken over by Trigon. The demon himself appears to be asleep atop Titans Tower, while the Titans encounter the transformed Raven in the streets of a hellish version of New York. They attempt to reason with her, then fight her, to no avail.

Jericho is thrown into shock by his attempt to possess her, and Wally West and the other Titans are banished into the realm of their own nightmares. There, each confronts an evil version of him/herself: Nightwing's double shows him a murdered Batman whose death the new Robin, Jason Todd, was unable to prevent, and demands that he return to the role of a twelve-year-old sidekick: Cyborg finds himself regarded as a monster by Sarah Simms and her students, who look to a normal Victor Stone for protection; Wonder Girl watches as her counterpart uses her Amazon strength to kill her husband, Terry Long; Changeling sees himself as a scavenger feeding on the bodies of his deceased loved ones and terrorizing his living friends; Starfire's duplicate taunts her with an image of her homeworld enslaved by the Gordanians, and claims that she can only save the planet by returning to slavery herself; and Wally is witness to his own doppelganger and the transformed Raven making love, after which the evil Kid Flash invites Wally to take his place. On Earth, Raven, Lilith, and Arella see the Titans as a stone column of lost souls.

Raven attacks Lilith and Arella, but finds herself unable to destroy them. Each of the Titans trapped in nightmares of their own worst fears is taunted by his or her evil double until, one by one, they turn on their tormenting duplicates and kill them.

The column they made up on Earth is shaken apart, and the Titans reappear as their own dark sides. Raven believes they are now Trigon's slaves, but Lilith tells her that by forcing the heroes to kill, she has instead sealed her own doom. Raven orders the transformed Titans to destroy Lilith, but instead they unite against Raven herself and slay her. With her death, the Titans return to normal and to their right minds, just as Trigon awakens to take vengeance for the death of his daughter.

Trigon awakens at full strength, possessing the souls of everyone on Earth except the Titans and Arella, and grown to an even more gigantic stature, many times the size of the former Titans Tower.

Maddened beyond endurance, Wally West launches a hopeless attack on the demon with his super-speed, and the other Titans follow him into battle. With minimal effort, Trigon levitates the stone mass that was once their headquarters and sends it hurtling down on all the Titans except Nightwing, whom he then disposes of with a single blow of his staff.

Only Lilith and Arella remain, but Lilith senses the Titans are still alive. Starfire had used her starbolt powers to protect them from the falling tower and now uses them to free them from the rubble. She then locates and revives Nightwing.

In despair, Wally is ready to give up, but the other Titans decide to fight on, even in a seemingly hopeless cause. As they rush to confront their foe, Lilith tries to rouse Arella to action, but fails until Raven's mother suddenly hears the clairvoyant Titan speaking in the voice of the deceased Azar, former spiritual leader of Temple Azarath.

As the Titans approach, Trigon begins to open a gateway to his ravaged home universe, intending to recreate it by allowing it to absorb the dimension containing Earth. While the Titans fight a delaying action, Arella and Lilith, who is being controlled by Azar, replace Raven's rings on her body. Raven's soul-self, now an angelic pure-white entity serving as a conduit for the power of Azar, rises from her still form and grows to envelop Trigon, ultimately destroying him. The form of Raven rises from the battle site and is lost to view, the darkness which had covered the world vanishes, and the Earth returns to normal.

Although the memories of most ordinary people are hazy in the aftermath of Trigon's destruction, the people of New York recognize that the Teen Titans have saved the Earth from the demon, and give them a heroes' reception and a huge parade. Depressed over what has happened to Raven, most of the Titans are in no mood for the festivities, and some are wary of the sudden wave of publicity. Wally West, meanwhile, has returned home to Blue Valley, not telling his parents of his involvement in the battle. Following the parade, the Titans make plans to rebuild their demolished headquarters, Arella leaves to search for her vanished daughter, and Cyborg visits Jericho in the hospital. 

All of the young heroes are haunted by the nightmares induced by Trigon, and finally, at Terry Long's suggestion, they take a second camping trip to the Grand Canyon together to talk things over. Each tells the others about his or her nightmare experience, and Terry offers his advice to the group, as well.

REVIEW

I am not gonna lie to you. This is the Titans’ finest adventure, and they have been struggling since then to repeat their greatest hit. Proof of this is how this story plays into the “Titans Hunt” story. And of course, how often this plot resurfaces around Raven.

Artistically, the story also has a lot of creative spins. Issue #2 was delayed so the penciled pages could look good. The result is pretty good, and the Baxter format helped a lot. In fact, they would have probably not taken that risk with newsprint format.

I don’t like Wolfman and Perez handling Wally West. They struggled a lot with him during their run, and here he looks very weak as a character (beyond his health issue). He has his heroic moments, but in the climax, he stays behind, defeated. It made sense at the time, but a year from this issue he was going to become The Flash (they didn’t know this at the time), so it feels like a very low point for Wally. Sure, not as bad as Heroes in Crisis.

This was also one of my first Titans comics. Not a bad start!

The Jurgens issue is a relaxing issue where the characters can cope with everything that happened during the Terror of Trigon arc.

I give this story a score of 10

[sweetsmellosuccess]

The Best (and Worst) Films of 2019

In many ways, 2019 served as a crucible, and no more so, at least cinematically, than with the venerable superhero flick. After a deluge of big studio films on the subject of capes and spandex (the MCU includes 22 films since the 2008 release of Iron Man; the nascent DCU, running it fits and starts has seven), we saw the explosive close-out of the previous “phases” with Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame; as well as the rise of pseudo art-house comic book film, Joker, in the same bloody year.

The talk on Film Twitter  —  the living definition of ‘tempest in a teacup’ —  was all about those films, and Martin Scorsese’s now legendary take down of the genre by referring to the super hero films, collectively, as  “theme parks.” But in truth, there were many, many other films that came out during the year, some of them utterly brilliant, some of them ridiculously awful. Here are my picks for both, with some of what I wrote about them at the time in my review.

10. Avengers: Endgame

“There are so many small but noteworthy details -- opening the film with Traffic's "Dear Mr. Fantasy"; the name drops, and special shout-outs to comics' fans; the small character beats that allow each protagonist more than just a quip or two; the closing credits, which give singular notice to the stars who have been there from the beginning, and wisely do not use the signature Marvel trick of teasing out the next film, which gives the series, at last, a sense of real closure, if only temporary -- the film feels as if it has been created and calibrated with the utmost care. For a film destined to break the bank no matter how shoddy they might have made it, Marvel has poured enough genuine soul into it to earn its inevitable bounty.”

Full Review

9. Her Smell

“In some ways, the film takes on a sort of Raging Bull aspect, Martin Scorsese's classic film about a boxer's rise and fall, only to turn the ending on its head. In Scorsese's picture, we see Jake LaMotta, now fat and retired, attempt to break into showbiz as a comedian, the scenes draped in cutting sardonicism. Perry gives Becky a much less punishingly ironic turn, but instead a hero's journey, venturing away from the abyss into something a good deal less grandiose and realized.”

Full Review

8. The Last Black Man in San Francisco

“It's also a film about the versions of the stories whose ideas lend depth and valor to our otherwise nondescript lives, the things we hope make us the heroes of our own narratives. In this way, Jimmie's story is conflated with that of the city itself, and the palpable sense of loss he feels about his family's house is mirrored in the city's own loss of identity.”

Full Review

7. Under the Silver Lake

“Mitchell fairly stuffs the film with portents, symbols, and runes, some real, some imagined. Squirrels mysteriously fall dead at Sam's feet, a parrot in his courtyard keeps calling out something he can't decipher, a dog killer stalks the neighborhood, and graffiti strewn about the area calls out to him. Films are always encoded with symbolic meaning, utilizing visual language to instill emotion and establish significance for the audience (think of Spielberg's girl with the red coat in Schindler's List, or James Dean's red windbreaker in Rebel Without a Cause), Mitchell's film gives us so many options, almost everything can be read symbolically, which perfectly captures the paranoia his character feels, and the pointlessness of trying to make sense of it at all.”

Full Review

6. Marriage Story

“Noah Baumbach’s latest film, about the dissolution of married couple – played extraordinarily well by Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson – will no doubt get comparisons made to Bergman’s brilliant Scenes From a Marriage. But whereas that 1972 film concerned the relationship itself, its highs and lows and metamorphoses, Baumbach’s film is much more about the logistics, legal and otherwise, of ending a very much shared life together.”

Capsule Review

5. Midsommar

“Viewing Aster's films is a bit like walking into an art installation -- quite literally, as he populates his frame with stunning compositions and art-focused mise en scene, as with the beautifully designed wooden structures of the compound, or the exquisite murals and art displayed on the building's walls (a huge shout-out to his production designer, Henrik Svensson, and the art directing crew) -- but, as with Hereditary, behind all the sumptuous, hand-crafted beauty, there is a cruel, brutal core of humanity's continued savagery. If art represents the best sort of impulses of humankind, in Aster's hands, it becomes yet another facade, hiding -- or in this case, exemplifying -- our instinct for vicious barbarity.”

Full Review

4. Parasite

“By the end, as it swerves inexorably into blood-soaked violence, the film reveals to be a bit of a con itself, drawing us in with its enticing humor, then opening up into a much darker vision, before ending on an emotional note of surprising vulnerability. Through it all, Bong shows a mastery of odd tones, from the opening comedic salvo, to the final emotional beats.”

Capsule Review

3. Uncut Gems

“It’s one of those pressure-cooker films, where the steam builds more and more intense as Howard gets in and out of trouble through his ability to constantly shift the playing board. There’s a scene about midway through, with various aggrieved characters coalescing at once in his office, as he’s trying to have a speaker phone conversation with his doctor, that’s so stressful, you will want to avert your eyes and remind yourself of the exit signs.”

Capsule Review

2. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

“It's also an unexpected joy to watch the nonchalant swagger of Pitt match up with DiCaprio's more high-strung ministrations. Two of the biggest film stars alive playing mostly washed up TV actors may stack the irony, but both of them settle in so well into their characters, you can't help but admire the result. Rick is a dude whose ego has gone from tumescent to shriveled -- he parks his car miserably in front of one of his own old movie posters -- but beneath all his hubris and despair, he actually has a lot of talent. As always, it's pure joy to watch Pitt smoke up a screen, a middle-aged Redford speaking every line with a sinfully breezy smile, whose confidence extends around him like the golden hue of his deep suntan.”

Full Review

1. Knives Out

“More than the plot itself, an ingenious and kinetic thing that's as satisfying as a hot bowl of soup on a raw and windy day, there's the sense of joyous chaos from the cast. Those scenes where the family is all together, in the drawing room and continually at each other's throats are so delicious, they should come with a napkin. The interplay between vets like Shannon, Johnson, Curtis and Collette is filled with fractious energy, the characters revisiting age-old disagreements ("Your kid's a brat!" -- "Your kid is a Nazi!") with sadistic glee. Even when they band together, in moments, against what they believe to be a common enemy, it's clear the harmony between them is more Iggy and the Stooges than Beach Boys. In short, Johnson has devised a perfect ensemble of dreadful characters and set them all against one another in a narrative fishbowl filled with lye.”

Full Review

Other Worthy Mentions:

Amazing Grace, American Factory, Apollo 11, Bacurau, Birds of Passage, Charlie Says, Cold Case Hammarskjöld, Dark Suns, Dark Waters, Ford v Ferrari, Greener Grass, In Fabric, John Wick 3, Jojo Rabbit, Luce, Midnight Traveler, Ms. Purple, Pain and Glory, Rewind, Something Else, Terminator: Dark Fate, The Farewell, The Hole in the Ground, The Irishman, The Lighthouse, The Nightingale, The Report, The Souvenir, The Vast of Night, This is Not Berlin, Us, Varda by Agnes, Vitalina Varella

Best Upcoming Releases of 2019

The Personal History of David Copperfield

The Burnt Orange Heresy

Bad Education

First Cow

The Worst Films of 2019

5. Greta

“In short, Jordan turns Greta into a Michael Myers-esque boogeyman, everywhere and no place at once, almost a phantom, but for her high heels and French condemnation. In this way, the filmmaker loses his grip on his material.”

Full Review

4. Ma

“Apart from a truly absurd script, director Tate Taylor's film performs ungainly political gyrations -- asking us to root against a survivor of sexual abuse and humiliation for trying to gain (albeit misplaced) revenge on her attacker. Sort of a rape-revenge thriller set upside down, such that nothing makes any ethical (or emotional) sense. It quickly becomes an awkward mishmash of impulses, wanting to provide cheap scares while fostering a deeply schizoid sense of sympathy, while managing to fail mightily at both.”

Full Review

3. The Dead Don’t Die

“Jarmusch's proclivities have always leaned toward such lightly affecting material -- as if the act of actually generating emotion is somehow vulgar and unseemly -- which has also endeared him to his faction of fans. For everyone else, though, it doesn't leave much to look at. Filmed without fanfare (albeit with a few more special effects than usual, and a kind of cool splattering of sand-like mist when the zombies are beheaded), and with the intensity knobs all turned down to their lowest setting, he continues his sous vide-style of filmmaking. Whether you like the dish he's serving, or want to throw your hands in the air and go somewhere else for dinner is all in your temperament. Whatever you choose, you can be certain the same menu will be available the next time you venture back.”

Full Review

2. Dark Phoenix

“The clearest loss, however, is with the story itself -- its legacy struck deep in Marvel lore -- once again being studio nitpicked, and focus-grouped to within an inch of its life. If Endgame audaciously proved a superhero movie could rise toward an emotionally satisfying arc, this failed attempt proves the opposite is also true: Chronic incoherence, even if spread out among a multitude of titles over 20 years, just feels like a soulless money grab. Adding to the sense of this film's slapdashery, the trailer features lines and moments unused in the actual cut, which is never a good sign.”

Full Review

1. Lucy in the Sky

“The film is meandering and pretty much pointless, a major flaw that Hawley himself indicated in his introduction (“we work as hard on the bad ones as we do the good ones,” he told the audience in an example of supreme foreshadowing. Portman does her best, but the film sputters pretty hard, and is never able to justify itself.”

Capsule Review

Other Dishonorable Entries:

The Aftermath, The Curse of La Llorona, Gemini Man, Glass, Hellboy, Joker

Inexplicably Overrated: Joker, The Dead Don’t Die

Biggest Welcome Surprise(s): Ford v Ferrari, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Most Bitter Disappointment(s): The Lodge, Wounds

Film That Critics Got Wrong: Waves

Best Film I Saw Last Year, Period: Scenes From a Marriage

[scarlettsabetlondongirl]

Read the New Interview by Poet Scarlett Sabet and Led Zeppelin Founder Jimmy Page in Interview Magazine below or click on headline link.

JIMMY PAGE AND SCARLETT SABET ARE THE MUSIC-POETRY POWER COUPLE THE WORLD DIDN’T KNOW IT NEEDED

By Stephanie LaCava

Published October 10, 2019

Scarlett Sabet’s poetry is felt three-fold when she performs it. The written words aren’t the same when she says them; they are trance-like, told as if from memory. To call the London-based talent a poet and performer seems inadequate. She’s more so a musician, or, perhaps, a mystic. Her haunting readings have taken place at storied book shops such as San Francisco’s City Lights and Shakespeare & Co. in Paris, and she’s been invited to read at the likes of Wellesley College. She has published four collections of poetry on her own imprint: Rocking Undergound, The Lock and The Key, Zoreh, and Camille earlier this year. 

Today, she debuts her spoken word album Catalyst, produced by her partner, the legendary musician Jimmy Page. 

Interview sat down with the couple to talk about coming together for this project, the brilliance of the Velvet Underground, and paying to produce your own work.

STEPHANIE LACAVA: You two met in 2012, but it was two years later that your relationship started and you first talked about collaborating together. It would be five more years before today’s release of your project on all streaming platforms. Why this album now?

JIMMY PAGE: One project that I knew it shouldn’t be was poetry with music. So with the production of Scarlett’s work, I wanted to create an individual character for each poem, a sonic landscape to compliment it.

LACAVA: And with all due respect, that was also a cool move. It would have been kind of eye-rolling to do music accompaniment.

SCARLETT SABET: Yes. It feels exciting, but also like a natural progression, I think, because we live and work together every day. Literally every one of these poems, Jimmy was there when I wrote it, and he was the first person that heard it and he’s seen me perform so many times.

PAGE: It was six years ago that I first heard Scarlett read.

SABET: At World’s End Bookshop on the King’s Road in Chelsea.

PAGE: I thought, “This is really interesting. She’s really interesting. She’s definitely got something there.” And the people in attendance soaked up Scarlett’s reading.

LACAVA: Surely, you’ve read a lot of crowds.

PAGE: That’s a good point. The whole place hushed. Rocking Underground was the first poem I heard of Scarlett’s and when we started production, we began with it.

LACAVA: I think people assume the title of the poem is a music reference, but it’s actually quite literal…

SABET: I was on a train. My computer had broken. It was just one of those, ugh, kind of despairing Sunday nights. I just remember there was a guy with a backpack in my face, and I got out my notebook, and there was the rhythm of train.

LACAVA: Do you usually listen to music while you write?

SABET: It’s got to be something that’s trance-like. I can understand why you’d listen to jazz, for example.

LACAVA: That’s a place where both of your practices kind of overlap.

PAGE: Well, yeah. I did this interview with William Burroughs for Crawdaddy Magazine in 1975. We started to talk about trance music. I thought maybe he’d been to see Led Zeppelin on just one occasion. Actually, it was many times at Madison Square Garden. Anyway, we then started talking about this whole trance ethos, about the Master Musicians of Jajouka, this whole genre of tribal trance music from Morocco.

LACAVA: You learned about Jajouka from Brian Jones?

PAGE: Yes. To be fair, I know that Brion Gysin had introduced Brian Jones.

SABET: He was a painter and musician, Burroughs’s lover, and he came up with the cut-up technique with Burroughs.

LACAVA: Ah. What was your connection to Jones?

PAGE: I’d heard Elmore James songs (which Jones played a lot,) but I couldn’t quite work out how to play the music. People would say it was literally, from the neck of a bottle. I thought, ‘So, let’s see how this guy Jones does it.’ Sure enough, he gets up on stage and starts doing some Elmore James songs, and he has the equivalent of what everyone would know as a slide on his finger. I started talking to him when he came offstage, and I said, “Well you know, you’ve really got that down. What are you actually using?” You must understand that nobody that I knew played slide guitar at all. This is the first time I’d seen somebody do it—before Jeff [Beck] was doing it, before the Rolling Stones. So, he said, “Oh, have you got a car mechanic near you?” And I said, “I literally do have one not too far away.”‘ He said, “Go there and ask for a bush. It’s called a bush.” A thing used used in car maintenance. And he said, “You’ll find that it’ll just fit on your finger absolutely perfectly, and that’s what I use.” This guy was so generous.

LACAVA: Is there any young musician today who has really impressed you?

PAGE: Well, I was so impressed with the two guys that I saw with you.

LACAVA: Stefan Tcherepnin and Taketo Shimada, the New York-based Afuma.

SABET: They were so good. You said that was reminiscent of New York in the ’60s?

PAGE: Well, well, yeah. It was. It definitely had that sort of trance vibe.

LACAVA: Back to Scarlett’s start. You did your first reading at Shakespeare & Co. in Paris in January of 2015. Jimmy help set it up?

PAGE: So, when Sylvia (Whitman, owner and daughter of George Whitman) was giving me a tour after my own book signing, I saw the poetry section there, and I said, “Do you having readings here?” And she said, “Yes.” And I said, “Well, French as well as English?” “Oh, no. Only English.” And I thought, “I know a poet.”

LACAVA: It was Sylvia who introduced me to Scarlett years ago.

PAGE: After hosting Scarlett, Sylvia said to me, “It’s really powerful in print, but her renditions, they’re in another realm.”

LACAVA: So, Sylvia’s now the fourth person in this interview.

PAGE: That’s right. And something else funny happened when I was back at Shakespeare and Company. The man in charge of the rare book department said, “Oh, Sir, that Françoise Hardy track that you were on was absolutely amazing. That’s one of my favorite pieces of your guitar work.” I thought, “Well, wait a minute. I’m going to check, I’m going to track this down.” When I heard it, lo and behold, there’s this distortion box. It’s called a fuzz box. And I was the one who helped create this thing, and there it was on Francoise Hardy’s Je n’attends plus personne. I did it when I was a session musician. It was a session in Pye Studios at Marble Arch, downtown where all these Petula Clark hits were done. It wasn’t until you were in the studio that you’d see the artist come in. And you’d go, “Oh, I know who this is.” Or, “I don’t know who this is.” But when Francoise Hardy came in, I knew who she was. She had on one of those turtlenecks and that sort of tweedy skirt.

LACAVA: You also did some early sessions with Nico before she was part of the Velvet Underground.

PAGE: Nico came to London to record the Gordon Lightfoot song “I’m Not Sayin” with Andrew Oldham as a solo artist. So, there’s this huge orchestral session with Nico singing, and Andrew asked me to write a B-side with him for Nico, routine, play, and produce it on a separate session, which I did. It’s called The Last Mile. I was a staff producer on Immediate Records.

LACAVA: How old were you?

PAGE: 19 or 20. I was going to routine her at her apartment just near Baker Street in London with my acoustic 12-string guitar. Nico’s son with Alain Delon was there and he was holding up my guitar in the air, and I decided it was time to rescue it.

LACAVA: When did you see her again after that?

PAGE: Steve Paul’s Scene Club (Paul’s nightclub The Scene at 46th and Eighth Avenue) had been decorated by Andy Warhol. I don’t know what you’d call it here, but it’s this silver wrap—

LACAVA: Mylar.

PAGE: All the walls were covered with Mylar because Andy Warhol said that color was the color of speed. And playing down there was Nico and The Velvet Underground. I had an incredible connection with Lou Reed, and we spent lots of time talking.

SABET: Was that the first time you met him?

PAGE: Yeah, and I’d seen The Velvet Underground on more than one occasion. They were almost like a resident band. Andy Warhol was keen for them to be there. I can tell you exactly what it was like. When I heard the first album, it was just exactly what they were like. They were just like that. It was absolutely phenomenal.

LACAVA: See, that’s interesting in the context of his new project, as well. The difference between seeing someone in person versus the recording…

PAGE: The other thing about Steve Paul’s and The Velvet Underground was that it didn’t really have too many people coming to hear it, which I found extraordinary.

LACAVA: How many people were there?

PAGE: Well, hardly any people. Like, nine, a dozen people. It was so radical, such a radical band. You know, Maureen Tucker just playing the sort of snare drum. And the fact that there was the electric viola with John Cale. You just didn’t get this sort of line-up. It was really arts lab, as opposed to pop music, this wonderful glue, this synergy between them that was dark. It was very dark.

LACAVA: You mentioned Warhol. Do you remember seeing him there?

PAGE: No, he wasn’t actually there, but I met him with the Yardbirds. I don’t actually remember the hotel, but there was a reception for the Yardbirds. He came in, and he was with one other person. I was talking to him, and he said, ‘I just want to feel the band, feel the Yardbirds.’ “I want to feel their presence,” was the exact quote. We had a conversation and at the end of it he said, “You should come to the Factory, and do an audition.” But we were working, and I didn’t manage to do that. And then I saw him again in Detroit in ’67, when we were playing there. Andy Warhol was proceeding over this wedding, and The Velvet Underground were there. So, I got a chance to say hello again.

LACAVA: Something interesting that Scarlett told me once was that you steered her toward self-publishing. That legitimacy doesn’t come from a label—it comes from creating the thing you want to create.

PAGE: Yes.

LACAVA: You could have told her the opposite, based on your experience.

SABET: Jimmy was like, “Well, look. The first Led Zeppelin album, I paid for that.”

LACAVA: You produced and paid for it?

PAGE: Yes.

SABET: They had a record. He then took it to record companies. He took it to Atlantic and said, “This is what we’ve got. I’m not releasing singles. Take it or leave it.” He literally said the words, “I didn’t want to go around cap in hand saying, ‘Oh please. We’d like to write some songs.’ It’s better to do it.”

PAGE: What I’ve been producing over the last few years are Led Zeppelin rereleases and catalog items. It means a lot of listening to quarter-inch tapes, and it’s all in real time. I had to approach this project in such a way that the first album speaks for itself. The last and ninth album of the studio albums were Coda, so on every album in between, I had to make sure all of these companion discs were done and present the idea to the record company along with new artwork—that way to ensure the complete vision of the recordings were released.  

SABET: With the sound engineer, Drew, Jimmy would explain how he wanted to kind of layer some of my voices. And I practiced some on cassette, so it was like a guiding track, and then I’d listen back, and I understood the timing and what we were going to do for each one. If there was a sound or there was a better take, we’d talk about that.

PAGE: The first one that I wanted to try was Rocking Underground, which opens up the whole of this work. It was recorded on a cassette tape. It was so noisy, but urgent. I said, this is what we’re going to use, but then it needed some extra work to be done to augment the base layer—

LACAVA: Oh, that’s cool!

PAGE: So, it opens, and it’s really disturbing, all this ambient noise. And I know we pulled it off. Because there’s such a variety on it, and it will be such a surprise. It’s the sort of thing that you listen to for, say, Side One, from beginning to end. The whole sequencing is there for a reason.

LACAVA: We’re living in an age of the ubiquitous podcast. Everyone has those things in her ears.

“Catalyst, a spoken word album written and performed by Scarlett Sabet and produced by Jimmy Page, is released on a special 12-inch etched vinyl via JimmyPage.com.”-Jimmy Page

Photos: Interview Magazine

[dailybestiary]

Patch Has Issues: Dungeon #2

Issue: Dungeon #2

Date: November/December 1986 (Pretty sure my Christmas haul that year was full of dope toys from The Transformers movie/show.)

The Cover:

(Use of cover for review purposes only and should not be taken as a challenge to status. Credit and copyright remain with their respective holders.)

Ah, Clyde Caldwell. He, Larry Elmore, Jeff Easley, and last issue’s Keith Parkinson were the mainstays of TSR’s amazing stable of artists. I have a soft spot for Caldwell. He did the covers for the D&D Gazetteer series, which means his work emblazoned some of my absolute favorite books from my middle school years. (At the time I had the whole series except the two island books, GAZ 4 & GAZ 9 (which I’ve since collected), plus the Dawn of the Emperors box set. My favorites, for the record, were GAZ 3, 5, 10, and 13. I...may like elves...a little too much.) And even as I sit here, other covers demand to be named. The very first Dragonlance adventure, the iconic Dragons of Despair? The Finder’s Stone trilogy? The first Ravenloft box? Dragon #147? Yep, he did those covers too. He was amazing.

But hoo-boy, we also have to talk about the not-amazing parts. Once Caldwell settled on a way of doing things, that’s how he did them. Points for consistency, but man, he had tropes. Even his tropes had tropes. He had a way of painting dragon’s wings. He had a way of painting swords and boots. He had a way of painting jewelry, and belts and coins—ovals upon ovals upon ovals.

And his way of painting women was with as few clothes as possible. Everything I said about Parkinson last entry? Yeah, that goes double for Caldwell. He never paints pants when a thong will do. His take on the reserved and regal Goldmoon—thighs as long as a dwarf and bronzed buttcheeks exposed—reportedly left Margaret Weis in tears. Magic-users (God, I hate that term) famously couldn’t use armor in D&D and AD&D, but Caldwell’s sorceresses pretty much stick to gauze just to be safe. And the Finder’s Stone trilogy I mentioned above? Yeah, the authors of Azure Bonds took one look at Caldwell’s cover art and literally had to come up with in-text reasons why the heroine Alias—one of the most surly woman sellswords in existence—would wear armor with a Caldwell boob hole.

Don’t get me wrong, I love cheesecake as much as the next dude. (Actually that’s not true; I came up in the grunge ’90s—our version of cheesecake was an Olympia brunette in three layers of thrift store sweaters reading Sandman while eating a cheesecake. Hell, that’s still my jam.) But context matters. The sorceress from “White Magic,” Dragon #147’s cover, may barely be wearing a negligee, but she’s also in the seat of her power and probably magically warded to the hilt—she can wear whatever she damn wants; it’s her tower. So no complaints there. But this cover’s pirate queen Porky Piggin’ it seems like an unwise choice. (The friction burns alone from clambering around the rigging…)

It’s clear from reading The Art of the Dragonlance Saga that TSR was trying to turn the ship around when it came to portrayals of women in fantasy, however slowly. And in Caldwell’s defense and to his credit, he definitely delivered women with agency—in nearly every image, they are nearly always doing something active and essential. They just tend to be doing it half-dressed.

Which is all a way of saying I dig this cover—the explosion, the churning sea (even if it does more look like snow drifts than waves), the sailors all running to the rail to look—but yeah, that pirate captain needs to put on some damn pants.

The Adventures: Before we get started, I have to note that though we’re only an issue in, already the magazine feels more noticeably like the work of editor Roger Moore. This is 100% a guess, but it really feels to me like Dungeon #1 was made of adventures that the Dragon office already had laying around, whereas Dungeon #2 was composed of adventures that Roger Moore and the new Dungeon team had more of a hand in sifting through. (He also has an assistant editor this time in Robin Jenkins, which had to have helped.) Even the cartography looks better. Again, I have zero confirmation of this, but the feeling is strong.

“The Titan’s Dream” by W. Todo Todorsky, AD&D, Levels 5–9

PCs visiting an oracle accidentally walk right into a titan’s dream and must solve some conundrums to escape. What an awesome concept this is! (Spoilers for “Best Concept” section below.) It’s a shame I don’t like this more.

First of all, dreamworld adventures are really hard to do well. And for them to work, there usually need to be real stakes—and not just “If you die in the dream, you die in real life!”—and/or a real connection to the PCs in your campaign. The latter, especially, is really hard to pull off in a published adventure; typically it’s only achieved through tactics that critics deride as railroading. (For instance, @wesschneider’s excellent In Search of Sanity does a great job of connecting the characters to their dream adventures...but it does that by a) forging the connection at 1st level, and b) pretty strongly dictating how the adventure begins and how the characters are affiliated. It works, but that’s high-wire-act adventure writing.)

Being a magazine adventure, “The Titan’s Dream” doesn’t have that luxury—it’s got to be for a general audience and work for most campaigns. That unfortunately means the default “Why” of the adventure—a lord with a child, a wedding, and an alliance at stake hires the PCs to chat with a wise titan—is little more than that: a default.

On top of that...I cannot get excited about anything Greek mythology-related. To me, just the fact I’m seeing it is a red flag.

Look, Greek mythology is why I got into this hobby. Hell, it’s why I got into fiction, period. (For some reason I somehow decided I had no use for fiction books targeted to my age, with the exception of Beverly Cleary. Then in 4th(?) grade, I got a copy of Alice Low’s Greek Gods and Heroes, and the rest is history.) But Greek mythology is often the only mythology anyone knows. When people think polytheism, that’s where most people’s minds go. Which is why, if you ever played D&D in the ’80s, I pretty much guarantee your first deity was from that pantheon. (In my first game, my first-level cleric pretty much met Ares and got bitch-slapped by him, because that’s what 4th-grade DMs do.)

So to me, putting Greek deities or titans in your adventure is the equivalent of putting dudes riding sandworms into your desert adventures—you can do it, but you better blow me away, because that is ground so well trod it’s mud. And this one doesn’t do the job.

The format is three dreams, each with five scenes. Parties will move randomly—a mechanic meant to represent dream logic (or lack thereof)—through these scenes, until all the scenes from one dream have been resolved. This is actually kind of fascinating, and I wonder how it would play at the table—I have a feeling observant players will dig it, but others may find the mechanism’s charm wears off quickly, especially if they have difficulty solving the scenes or get frustrated with the achronicity of events. I also like that every scene has a number of possible resolutions, so the PCs aren’t locked into achieving a single specific objective like they were stuck in a computer game.

But...I can’t shake the feeling of weak planning and execution (or even laziness?) that stayed with me throughout the adventure. Like, okay, the first adventure is a cyclops encounter out of the Odyssey. Cool! But then...why does the Titan follow it up with pseudo-Norse/Arthurian encounter? Did the Odyssey not hold the author’s attention? (Nor the Iliad, the Aeneid, or Metamorphosis? Really?) And then why is the third dream “drawn from the realm of pure fairy tale”? Like, were you out of pantheons? Horus didn’t return your calls? Or be more specific—why not German fairy tales, or Danish, or French Court, or Elizabethan? It feels like a class project where one group was on point, one group got the assignment a little wrong, and one didn’t even try.

Again, it’s not even that this adventure is bad—I honestly can’t tell if it is or not; I’m sure a lot of its success is determined at the table. And I could totally see throwing this at a party if I was out of inspiration that week or we needed a low-stakes breather before our next big arc. But the instant I think about it for more than a second, it all falls apart for me.

Have any of you tried this one? Let me know what you thought. And for a similar exploration into dream logic/fairy tale scenarios, I recommend Crystal Frasier’s The Harrowing for Pathfinder.

“In The Dwarven King’s Court” by Willie Walsh, AD&D, Levels 3–5

Willie Walsh is a name we’re going to see a lot more in issues to come—he’s a legendarily prolific Dungeon contributor, delivering quality, typically low-level, and often light-hearted or humorous adventurers issue after issue after issue. His first entry is a mystery with a time limit: A dwarf king is supposed to make a gift of a ceremonial sword to seal a treaty, but the sword has vanished. Brought to the king’s court courtesy of a dream, adventurers must find the sword and the surprising identity of the culprit before the rival power’s delegation arrives.

At first I was going to ding this adventure for its “What, even more dreams this issue?” hook...but here’s the thing with Walsh—never judge his modules until you reach the final page. Nearly every time I’m tempted to dismiss one of his sillier or more random adventure elements, it turns out that it makes sense and works just fine. In this case, the cause of the dream is haunt connected to the mystery, and I feel dumb for being all judgy.

So anyway, the PCs are given leave to search for the stolen object and the thief, but of course it turns out there is a whole lot of light-fingeredness going around. As Bryce (see below) puts it, “It’s like a Poirot mystery: everyone has something to hide.” This castle has as much upstairs-downstairs drama as any British farce, with nearly every NPC having either a fun personality and/or a fun secret (and with the major players illustrated by some equally fun portraits) that should make them memorable friends and foils for PCs to interact with. Not to mention the actual culprit is definitely a twist that will be hard explaining to the king...

GMs should be ready to adjust on the fly, though—a) it’s a lot of characters to juggle, and b) since the PCs are 3rd–5th level, the right spells or some lucky secret door searches could prematurely end the adventure as written. You may want to have some last-minute showdowns, betrayals, or other political intrigue outlined and in your back pocket if what’s on the page resolves too quickly.

Overall though, I’m a big fan of this adventure, and look forward to the rest of Walsh’s output. Also, given the dwarven focus and the geography of the land, this adventure could be a very nice sequel to last issue’s “Assault on Eddistone Point.”

“Caermor” by Nigel D. Findley, AD&D, Levels 2–4

Look at this author’s list of writing credits! Findley was amazingly prolific, and his work was pretty high-quality across the board, as far as I know. I particularly loved the original Draconomicon, one of the first and only 2e AD&D books I ever bought as a kid. I also loved his “Ecology of the Gibbering Mouther” from the excellent Dragon #160, and some of his Spelljammer supplements are currently sitting upstairs in my to-read pile, recently purchased but as yet shamefully untouched.

Now look at his age at the time of his death. Life is not always fair or kind.

(Speaking of unkind, man is the bio in this issue unfortunate in retrospect: “[H]e write for DRAGON® Magazine, enjoys windsurfing, plays in a jazz band, and manages a computer software company in the little time he has left.” As Archer would say, “Phrasing!”)

Anyway, this adventure is simple: An otherworldly force has been murdering the locals. The locals have pinned the blame on a handsome bard from out of town, and their own prejudices and general obstinacy are sure to get in the way of the investigation—that is, if the true culprits, some devil-worshipping culprits and and an abishai devil, don’t get in the way first.

All in all, this is a tight, well-written adventure, so I don’t have much to say about it, other than that if you like the idea of sending your party to help out some young lovers and save some faux-Scots/Yorkshiremen too stubborn to save themselves (and maybe slip in a valuable lesson about prejudice and xenophobia as well), this is the adventure for you.

One thing that does jump out to a contemporary reader, though, is the comically overpowered nature of the baddie pulling the strings in this adventure: Baalphegor, Princess of Hell (emphasis mine). Overpowered, you-won’t-really-fight-this-NPC happens with a lot of low-level adventures, when the writers want a story more epic than characters at the table can handle or are trying to plot the seeds for future evils. But still, any princess of Hell would already be a bit much...but an 18-Hit Dice, “supra-genius”, the Princess of Hell? Like, what the f—er, I mean, Hell?

If you use the adventure as written, the only way to have Baalphegor’s presence make sense is to eventually reveal that the area is an epicenter of some major badness. (Maybe that explains the lost nation of evil dwarves in the adventure background.) For a good model on how to seed early adventures in this matter, Dungeon’s Age of Worms Adventure Path and Pathfinder Adventure Path’s Rise of the Runelords AP, both from Paizo, are exemplars of small-town disturbances that eventually have world-shaking implications.

It’s also fascinating in retrospect to note Ed Greenwood’s massive impact in the hobby. Any article that appears in Dragon has the sheen of being at least semi-official, but it’s clear that Greenwood’s content was a cut above even that. In this case, an NPC from a three-year-old article of his is not just treated as canon, but also supplies the mastermind behind the adventure! It’s no surprise that in the following year his home campaign, the Forgotten Realms, would soon become AD&D’s newest and then its default setting.

Two final thoughts: 1) There’s some fascinating anti-dwarf prejudice in this article. Nearly every mention of dwarves paints them as exceptionally greedy and/or villains. And 2) how did one even begin to balance adventures in those days? This adventure is for “4–8 characters of 2nd–4th level.” There are a lot of difference at the extreme ends of those power scales…

“The Keep at Koralgesh,” by Robert Giacomozzi & Jonathan Simmons, D&D, Levels 1–3

One of the problems of BECMI D&D being known as “basic D&D” is that writers often assumed the players to be basic (that is, younger/new) as well. Which probably accounts for some of the early suggestions to the DM we get at the beginning of this adventure—like some pretty patronizing advice along the lines of not immediately announcing to PCs what the pluses are on their magical swords.

Fortunately, after that the article settles down and gives us Dungeon’s first real D&D adventure. In fact, not just real, but massive: 20 full pages of content—nearly half the issue! It’s a fully fledged dungeon crawl that has the PCs taking advantage of the summer solstice to open a shrine door that will lead them inside a long-ruined keep said to hold great treasure.

Now, I imagine in the coming installments it’s going to seem to many of you like I’m grading D&D adventures on a curve, because of my love for the system and the Known World/Mystara. That’s a fair accusation, but a better way to consider it is that I’m reviewing D&D adventures for what they are—adventures from a separate system, with a more limited rules system and palette of options than AD&D. You don’t go to a performance of Balinese shadow puppetry and compare it against Andrew Lloyd Webber; you look at it for what it achieves in its own medium. Since they appear side-by-side in the same magazine, comparison is going to be inevitable, but that’s with the understanding that AD&D was the kid coloring with the 64-crayon box of Crayola, while D&D was getting by with just eight.

On its own terms then, “The Keep of Korgalesh” is a decent, if not superlative, success. I love that it’s practically module-length and that we get three complete levels—a far cry from the previous issue’s side-trek-at-best, “The Elven Home.” We also get two new monsters, which absolutely fills my inner BECMI D&D player with glee. And I like that what starts as a dungeon crawl/fetch quest evolves into a “kill the big bad thing” and “find out what really happened to this city.”

There are issues, though. If the whole city was destroyed, getting to see some of it besides the keep would have been nice. Some of the ecology for the dungeon inhabitants is questionable. There pretty much wasn’t a single pool or fountain in this era of D&D adventure design that wasn’t magical, and this adventure was no exception. One of the new monster’s names makes no sense except that “tyranna” and “abyss” are cool words (I mean, I guess you could read that as “tyrant of the depths,” but still…) And there are painfully obvious borrowings from other works, especially Tolkien—a door that only opens at solstice, a lake monster, an orc with a split personality that is clearly a Gollum homage, etc.

What this adventure really needs is stakes—just something to give it a bit more oomph beyond the dungeon crawl. (Finding a blacksmith’s lost hammer is the hook offered in the adventure but it’s pretty flimsy.) Perhaps the PCs are some of Kor’s last worshippers, and clearing out the dangers here and resanctifying his temple is one of their first steps toward returning him to prominence. Maybe the PCs’ grandparents were involved in the city’s demise and restoring Koralgesh will restore the families’ honor. Or you could keep it simple and have a band of pirates or a rival adventuring group also trying to clean out the keep, turning it into a race (with the tyrannabyss causing the scales of fate to wobble at appropriately cinematic moments).

So the final analysis is this is a decent dungeon crawl upon which you can build a good adventure. The real reward of this module isn’t treasure; it’s finding out just what happened to Koralgesh. But for that to matter, it needs to tie into the PCs’ pasts, futures, or both.

BONUS CONTENT FOR KNOWN WORLD/MYSTARA NERDS: Kor is almost certainly a local name for the sun god Ixion. The chaotic deity Tram is probably a local version of Alphaks, though Atzanteotl is another strong candidate, especially since deceit was key to the pirates’ success. Koralgesh could be located somewhere on the Isle of Dawn, the northern coast of Davania, or an Ierendi/Minrothad Isle that those nations haven’t made it a priority to rebuild.

Best Read: “Caermor.” Nigel D. Findley was a pro.

Best Adventure I Could Actually Run with Minimal Prep: “The Keep at Koralgesh,” as a well-written, straight-ahead dungeon crawl. Every other adventure here relies on a pretty strong handle of very mobile NPCs and their motivations, or a Titan’s dream mechanics.

Best Concept: “The Titan’s Dream,” as noted above. It’s a great idea very worth exploring, even if I wasn’t about the execution we got in this case.

Best Monster: This was actually a monster-light issue. Despite some awesome art for the tyrannabyss, I have to go with the epadrazzil, a scaly ape from a two-dimensional plane of existence that has to be summoned via a painting. All of those details are just so wonderfully and weirdly specific it has to win. (Extra points for anyone who noticed the thoul—a classic D&D monster (though it did make its way into AD&D’s Mystara setting) born from a typo.)

Best NPC: Since this is a role-playing-heavy issue, there are a bunch of contenders, and the final verdict will go to whoever your party sparks to at the table. Obviously King Baradon the Wise should get the nod for [spoiler-y reasons], but I also really like the opportunity the executioner Tarfa offers, thanks to his incriminating goblet and how it might bring the PCs to the attention of a far-off assassin’s guild at just the right level.

Best Map: All together the maps from “The Keep at Koralgesh” form an extremely appealing whole. But for best single map I have to go for the palace of Mount Diadem—that is a bangin’ dwarven demesne.

Best Thing Worth Stealing: Jim Holloway’s illustrations of dwarves. Good dwarf, gnome, and halfling art is hard to find, and even the good stuff often leans stereotypical. While Holloway’s art is often humorous—I have a feeling he and Roger Moore jibed really well, though that’s totally a guess based purely on what assignments he got handed—his dwarves, especially in this issue, are fresh, specific, and unique. You could identify them by their silhouettes alone—always the sign of good character art. If you need an image of a dwarf NPC to show the players, “In the Dwarven King’s Court” is a great first stop.

Worst Aged: Female thong pirates on magazine covers. Also using the actual names of actual mental illnesses in game materials.

What Bryce Thinks: “This seems to be a stronger issue than #1, although half of the adventures are … unusual.”

Bryce actually almost likes “The Titan’s Dream,” confirming my loathing of it. He in turn loathes “In the Court of the Dwarven King.” Like me, though, he is pro-”Caermor” and sees potential in “The Keep at Koralgesh.” (Also credit where it’s due: I might have missed the condescension at the start if he hadn’t called it out.)

So, Is It Worth It?: If you’re a Clyde Caldwell fan, this issue might be worth searching out in print. So much of Caldwell’s work from this era was dictated by product needs, cropped and boxed up in ads, or shrunk down to fit on a paperback cover. So to get this cover in full magazine size, with only the masthead tucked up top to get in the way—that could be well worth a few bucks to you.

Also, if you’re BECMI/Rules Cyclopedia-era D&D fan (or know someone who is), again, this one might be worth having in print. “The Keep at Koralgesh” is a legit, proper BECMI D&D adventure, spanning 20 whole pages and with two new monsters to boot. I would have practically have cried if someone had given 7th-grade me this.

Beyond that you can probably just rely on the PDF. But both “Caermor” and “In the Dwarven King’s Court” have strong bones worth putting some modern muscle and skin on.

Random Thoughts:

The Caldwell cover painting was also used for the Blackmoor module DA4 The Duchy of Ten. PS: I’m not trying to tell you what to do or anything, but if you do happen to run across a physical copy of The Duchy of Ten or and of the DA modules, holla at ya boy over here.

Since this is our second issue, we now have a “Letters” column. Turns out Dungeon had been announced in Dragon #111 with a really detailed set of writer’s guidelines; most of the correspondence is questions re: those. In the process of answering, we get some surprisingly frank talk about payment. The $900 for a cover seemed low until I converted it to 2018 dollars, and ~$2,000 does seem right to my ignorant eye. I then made the mistake of converting my current salary to 1986 dollars and felt a lot worse about myself and what I’ve achieved.

Apologies this took so long to post. I had the issue read by early October and most of this review written with the next week or two after...but then I got involved in dealing with a 4.5 week hospitalization and aftermath...and then a second still-ongoing hospitalization...and even though I only had about four paragraphs left I just couldn’t find time to put a bow on it.

Notable Ads: The gold Immortals Rules box for D&D. (I also still don’t have that one yet, and Christmas is coming. Just saying, guys, if you happen to find one in your attic.) ;-) Also an ad for subscribing to Dungeon itself, starring “my war dinosaur, Boo-Boo.” No, really.

Over in Dragon: Beneath a glorious cover, Roger Moore is the new editor of Dragon #115, three authors (including Vince Garcia, who I like a lot) share credit on a massive six articles about fantasy thieves, a famous article proposing that clerics get the weapons of their deity (people were still talking about it in the “Forum” column when I was buying my first issues two years later), and a look at harps from the Forgotten Realms (notable because behind the scenes Ed Greenwood’s home setting was being developed for the AD&D game for launch in 1987.) A photographic cover and a 3-D sailing ship are served up in Dragon #116, along with maritime adventures, more Ed Greenwood (rogue stones), and articles for ELFQUEST, Marvel Super Heroes (Crossfire’s gang), and FASA’s Dr. Who game (looking at all six(!) doctors). (Incidentally, I had an Irish babysitter around this time who first mentioned Dr. Who to me—I wish I’d explored more but I was too young to understand what I’d been offered.)

PS: Yes, I’ve heard about the upcoming Tumblr ban. It is a terrible idea that will affect way too many of my readers. It shouldn’t affect me much (and I have all my monster entries backed up at the original site), but I will keep you posted as I learn more, particularly if I find you, my readers, packing up and going elsewhere.

[littlemisssquiggles]

Do you think Ozpin still loves Salem? Or do you think it's possible he's given up hope for her and is simply in mourning of the life they had?

I’mglad you asked anon-chan since this is something I’ve pondered about sincethe third episode reveal. In all honesty, yes, I do think Oz still loves Salem. Absolutely.

Somefans have pointed out that the tower where Ozma originally rescued Salem fromresembles BeaconAcademy and I don’t blame them. I thoughtthe same thing too when I first saw it. This would mean that after everythingthat happened, Ozpin returned to the tower where he originally found his loveand turned it into something good. While the Lonely Tower was originally a domainmeant to oppress the young Salem, Ozpin turned into one of the four academiesto train the world’s protectors. A symbol of hope when it was once used torepresent the prison of a lonely maiden.

I’ma fan of the theory where Oz returned to the lonely tower and the room where hediscovered Salem was ultimately transformed into his previous office when he becameheadmaster of Beacon. The tower is a lingering remnant of the place Oz met thelove of his life and he obviously cherished it until Salem destroyed it.

Ithink Oz has mostly kept himself distracted with his task at stopping the Gods’Judgement from happening while keeping humanity at peace. You can say he’sbasically preoccupied himself with his responsibilities so he wouldn’thave to return to that deep dark pit of despair where he’s reminded of the loveand family he’s lost.

Iactually think it’s a bit of everything anon. Deep down Ozpin still very much loves Salemand I’d imagine it’s something he hasn’t gotten over, just pushed to the depthsof his heart so he wouldn’t have to remind himself of that pain. Salem wasn’tjust the love of his life but she was his companion in life, his partner, his wife, the mother of his children and regardless of how things turned out in theend---I’d like to believe that not all of Ozpin’stime with Salem, both before the Brother Gods and afterwards, were bad.There are probably some very fond memories that Oz has cherished of Salem andthe life they shared together.

Theday they first met and fell in love. The first time they held themselves ineach other’s arms. Their first kiss. The first time they consummated theirrelationship and established themselves as lovers. The day they reunited again in theirsecond lifetimes. The night they consummated their bond as husband and wife.The moment Salem told Oz that she was pregnant with their first child. Thebirth of their first child. Watching their first born daughter grow up and thengoing through this sentiment three times more with the birth of his remainingdaughters. The fond memories he shared with Salem as they connected with theirchildren. All of these are examples of the kinds of good memories Oz must stillharbour in his psyche.

Ozpin’sfirstborn daughter---Blueberry Lollipop---looked to be between the ageof 8 to 10 years old and I’d imagined that her sisters were conceivably borntwo to three years apart from her. So we’re looking at at least eight to tenyears Ozpin lived a happy lifestyle with Salem and their children. You don’tforget memories like that very easily. You don’t forget the love you had nomatter how bad things turned.

Onething I’ve been wondering for a while after V6 C3 is what Oz was trying to sayto Salem after their fight when she overpowered him and said “We finally havefreedom” before burning him alive.

Hestarted off saying something to her---his famous last words, only managing an “I…” before Salem cut him off by literally incineratinghim to death.

Thatscene has been bugging me a bit. What was Oz going to say to Salem in that moment? A part of me wants to think that he was either goingto apologize or say “I love you”. I’dlike to think he was trying to say I love you in spite of everything. Thehopeless romantic shipper in me compels me to think that way about my Tragic Lovers pair.

I’dlike to think that Salem still loves Ozpin too or at least the memory of himthat was still the Ozma she fell in love with. But she’s so clouded by her own rage only amplified by the corruption shereceived from the Grimm Pools that any shred of compassion that Salem mightstill have for Ozma/Ozpin was warped into hatred.

Itmakes me wonder now what Ozpin is doing inside the depths of Oscar’s mind rightnow. Like if we were given a visual representation of Ozpin’s inner mindpalace now that he’s locked himself in Oscar’s head, I’d like to think that he’sprobably trapped himself in some kind of endless illusion wherehe keeps reliving all the fond memories of his life with his family---whenthings were happy. When he was happiest.

Idon’t think that Oz is going to just be magically summoned back in a dire timeof need so easily. A part of me would really love to see Oscar deep dive into his own mind to find Ozpin/Ozma again. I don’tknow how he’s going to do it but perhaps Maria Calavera could aid him in sucha feat. I want the CRWBY to take us into the mind of the Man with Two Souls and takeus on an inception-like journey where Oscar is the oneto save Ozpin and get him to come back.

Perhaps…in doing so, he mighteven meet or is assisted by all the other Ozma incarnates eventually comingface to face with the version of Ozpin he was searching for---Headmaster Ozpinor original Ozma? One of those two or both?

Ireally want Oscar to be the one to save Ozpin and talk/smack some sense intohim. Hug him even. But it has to be the farm boy. No one else. I think it canbe a good journey for Oscar to experience as he learns more about the man he isexpected to become and even himself.

Butresuming talk on Oz and Salem, again, yes. Oz still loves Salem but he probablyhasn’t brought himself to think about her in decades, at least until now thathe’s back in his isolation of grief.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2018)

[bunnimm]

Hypothesis: Jikook/Kookmin Timeline

In this post I am going to try and write down a KM timeline based on the material available to us and guesswork to connect it. I agree with a lot of other supporters in many aspects and therefore this won’t be too different from anything you’ve read before, except for some minor details perhaps. None of this should be taken as truth as it is simply a hypothesis from my perspective and mostly for me to collect my thoughts by writing it down. Basing your own opinion on various sources of information, views of people with different perspectives and also being prepared to let what you believe be challenged is a healthy way of going about this I think. We can guess, discuss and make hypotheses but not claim any truth unless it comes from KM themselves. But let’s celebrate the love we do see.

Here we go! 

2013/2014:

I won’t go into too much detail here as I agree with most other KM supporters and I don’t really feel the need to chip in on the rediculous dislike trope that was created back then and still gets mentioned today. What we can see in material from around this time is a very nervous JK not knowing how to react to JM wanting to spread love and give the maknae love, sometimes in very extra ways. When I use the word extra it’s not with a negative connotation at all but simply a way to describe how JM sometimes showed love to JK in very out-there ways and how he reacted to it. 

If JK had developed a crush on or feelings for JM his reactions, that look like rejection, make a lot of sense to me but was probably confusing for the latter sometimes as we have some reason to believe that the maknae acted a bit differently at the dorm. I don’t know if JM simply saw JK as a younger brother at this point and tried to ease his nervousness with more love or if he too struggled with how to express his feelings and it came out rather enthusiastically. This whole period feels careful, confusing and experimental to me.

2015:

In footage from the beginning of the year we can see a JK that is a bit less nervous as well as a less extra JM. What implemented this change could be numerous things. In an interview (around 19:10) in May JM is asked why he likes the maknae so much. His answer deflects a bit from his previous enthusiastic ones and this time he simply implies that “he is cute because he is the maknae” while JK looks very interested in knowing the answer. What happens after is also interesting. The reason behind the younger showing less nervousness and dropping his guard a bit during this time could be the fact that he was starting to become more relaxed around his hyungs and perhaps more comfortable with his own feelings. JM’s actions however are usually a lot more difficult to read. 

Around the summer of 2015 I, like many others, believe that there was a change in KM’s dynamics. Some speculate that this switch occurred around the time JM had an accident/fainted at a fan meeting in Japan and I can definitely see that being a possibility. The less nervous JK, who sometimes even responded to JM showing him love, that we begin to see this year was perhaps driven to be more straight forward with how he felt because of this event. He may have vocalized it or something else could’ve happened that made it undeniable. I have also explored the thought of JM’s feelings not being parallel with JK’s at first and truly just seeing him as a younger brother to dote on (in his flirty ways) and as I mentioned previously he can be difficult to read. They met six years ago which is a lot of time for feelings to evolve and that evolution doesn’t have to be linear, or parallel I should say. Nothing is simply black or white. 

However, I think it’s safe to say that there is an apparent difference in how KM act with each other if we compare the first half of 2015 to the second half. It’s particularly obvious on JK’s part I would say as he is suddenly initiating a lot more of the moments between them, be it back hugs or what could be considered flirting. This moment (0:30 and onwards) from the end of August happened right after this switch I think. JK’s stare is very deliberate and he doesn’t flinch or avert his gaze as JM looks back at him. JM’s face says even more. At first he has a more serious or surprised look on his face and when he smiles it’s not a goofy smile but an affectionate one before they both snap out of it. 

The rest of the year contains a different type of flirty banter and comfortable skinship compared to what we can find in earlier years. Just to give you a few more examples of often mentioned KM moments from this “year of change” we have the Christmas Live with HopeJiKook, this vlog from MAMA and JK being rather upset when someone thinks he doesn’t like JM in this Live from Thailand (he also seems to want everyone to hear him tell JM how pretty his eyes are). Since these are only a few of the more popular moments please feel free to leave an ask if anything else around this time, or any time on the timeline, caught your eye that you want to discuss. 

So, one of my guesses would be that some type of confessions or expressions of feelings/attraction took place this year. This was three years ago so the question I have, and they might have had, would be: what’s next? 

2016: 

This is where it gets difficult for me to even make guesses. I have a hard time connecting certain things and I’m gonna try and explain why. 

If we imagine that KM confessed to having feelings for each other in 2015 then naturally the next step would be to get into a relationship or start dating, right? Well, maybe for most people it is but I don’t agree with that. I’m not going to use the word “dating” on my blog as that is something that’s not really used where I come from and I’m a bit wary of the definition. But that’s not my main point. 

The thing is, since I am quite new here I am still not too familiar with the idol industry, how management works, economics, scandals, dating culture, enlistment, you name it. And even if I was, what BTS is doing has never been done before. What they are going through together is unimaginable and no matter how much some try to analyze every moment and every second captured on camera we only get to see what they choose to share with us. I am beyond grateful for everything the choose to share with us. They are going through this together but they are also individuals with layers. From my perspective, the communication we have seen between the members and what they have shown us of themselves makes me think of the lyrics in “Sea” but I am going to switch around the words. Where there is despair, there is hope. 

Do I believe that a same-sex relationship in this unimaginable situation is impossible? No, I do not. But we have to consider what this would mean and the problem for me is that it’s hard to imagine what would happen behind the scenes. However, this healthy communication is partially what’s giving me hope just as I mentioned above. Now we have to include BigHit in this. Say and believe what you want about what’s going on right now but I would like to believe that there is care between the company and the members. Especially care about their health but they also care enough to recommend LGBTQ+ MVs to their artists and have NJ going from describing love “between a man and a woman” to “between a person and a person”. Even if that was a personal choice I don’t think it’s a reach to believe that these matters have been and are being discussed within the company. 

So how would KM be approached by the members and the company? I really don’t know, but I am going to try and make a guess. Let’s say that the rest of the members and also the company/Bang PD were made aware of what was happening between KM as it happened. I believe that the care they have for them would result in the wish to protect but also wanting to see them loved and happy. Perhaps 2016 was the year of trying to see how they can do both but also for JM and JK to explore their feelings with each other, what they want, what works for them, what would be healthy/safe for everyone involved in this situation and what makes them happy. Apart from this I would guess that boundaries and agreements were set to make sure that KM could explore safely. 

I can imagine that this is why it’s hard to connect and analyze a lot of the moments from this year. Uncertainty, caution, tension and love all mixed up in a big blender that was this year. I’m going to finish of 2016 by mentioning some popular moments that all have a mix of these. The flirty epilogue Live, the “I’ll be your future boyfriend”, nuances in Bon Voyage season 1, Run episode 12, JM and SJ reacting to JK and this JinJiKook Live. The last two have the common factor of JM complaining about JK acting differently towards him or not coming to him when he asks. These occur in two different halves of the year and could simply be teasing or something more significant. This along with all the other lovely KM moments of 2016 are the reasons I remain confused as reasons far from any guesses I could make are possible.

2017:  

Now last year was a lot in many ways. After the confusion of 2016 I am still confused but there is also this new sense of slight clarity or intention perhaps. If I were to make another guess I could imagine that in the beginning of the year they might have been certain about what they want after some time of trial and error. Imaginably they decided that they do want to be in an established romantic relationship. Or simply say that this is me, this is him and this is us. Around this time we have Bon Voyage season 2, Summer Package and also Burn the Stage which are all filled with moments I would love to discuss. I also want to mention here that the love I see in JM rushing to and staying with JK as he fell ill is so very powerful and beautiful regardless of relationship definitions. 

I found my way here around one month after the release of G.C.F in Tokyo so I missed all of the reactions and discussions that stemmed from the initial release but the talent JK possesses can’t be praised enough. The way he is able to convey how he sees the world, his world, and the people he loves is astounding. I might make a post about G.C.F in the future but I don’t know if I have anything new to add that hasn’t already been said. Some see G.C.F in Tokyo as a definite coming out and others as more of a “letting people in a bit more” which would be my first guess. But since I can’t ask JK directly about the details, and people will interpret art differently, I will for now just enjoy his work and his adoration still seeps through the screen by the way it’s edited with the song.

I tried finding some words similar to domestic to try and explain what I see in KM moments from 2017. I couldn’t find something that resonated with me completely but loving, attentive and inevitable come close. That inevitability has been visible for a while but is quite prominent in Memories of 2017, Burn the Stage and when they travel for example. Some people seem to believe that KM, the members as well as BigHit are all in on slowly exposing the world to KM and that this began last year. That they expected a different reaction from the first G.C.F. I don’t know how I feel about some big elaborate master plan but them deciding to partially share more might not be a complete reach. They haven’t stopped talking about that trip to Tokyo and I believe that could be them emphasizing on and wanting to share how much it truly meant to them. That attentiveness and inevitability feels even more evident as we enter the Love Yourself era towards the end of 2017 and even more so after that wonderful trip. 

2018: 

The first half of this year was quiet but we know now that it was a very hard and bewildering time for the members with both rest and exceedingly hard work behind the scenes. This was my first comeback and my vocabulary really isn’t good enough to describe that experience. KM-wise I was honestly quite taken aback and wanted to know if what was happening felt different to anyone else or if I was simply not used to the content. Most seemed to agree that this was a new level of KM and truthfully there are too many moments to list. Something I want to emphasize on is that it’s not just about what we call “moments” but how that inevitability I mentioned previously is more apparent than ever. The casual intimacy combined with the tension filled moments.

Some like to speculate what the future might hold but I’m going to end this timeline in the present. We have no idea what a same-sex relationship between two idols would be like let alone the personal situation of KM. If they indeed are in a romantic relationship they do not owe us to share anything what so ever and if they would ever want to I don’t believe we can predict the timeline of that event or what would follow after. For now I hope they are healthy, safe, loved and in control of whatever they want to do or share. 

Before I end this I want to make it very clear again that this timeline is simply a hypothesis based on a pattern I see as one possibility. Even though this post is very long I still only included a fraction of what could be discussed and we still only have access to a fraction of their lives which makes respectful guessing all we have. This is me trying to connect the lovely moments we do get to see and filling in the gaps by guessing, which could be very far from the truth or not. No matter how KM’s relationship has evolved into what it is now, what I want to celebrate here is the love, care and respect I see between them in the moments that are shared with us.