#these questions have not failed me yet
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as a white woman i think a good question we can ask ourselves is "is this oppression or are my feelings just hurt" and/or "am i being attacked or am i simply uncomfortable"
#these questions have not failed me yet#and have helped me learn and grow as a persom#white women#i saw a vid where a woman asked if black women would rather be in a room with a white man or white woman and the answers were frequently#white man hands down#and i ALMOST did the exact thing dudes did with the man vs bear debate#where im like. um no thats wrong#but the above Qs saved me again from being a dumb idiot#thank you Common Sense
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explaining to a coworker I don't socialize out of work bc of The Anxiety. then later explaining why i have gray in my hair.... it's... still The Anxieties...... goin' gray since my early 20s........
#man its rough when people who dont have anxiety have to ask a million questions that the answer is just The Anxiety#like im sorry i dont socialize or want to have a conversation while three other people are in the room talking#its just a lot of overstimulation ok im just suffering please stop asking me things...#i get the loop of im failing a social interaction in my brain which makes it harder to win at a conversation#like every normal person would consider conversations as something you can lose or fail or win (?)#had another coworker who ive only really seen ? but he argues with the one asking me about my hobbies n social life#and so i saw him today and he was i think probably training or showing another guy around#and he was real quick to say no to helping me and im lik e???? i didnt ask for help?#and the other guy was like is that a constant thing? and he said no not me yet but he had to assert dominance#and i looked at him and told him very plainly#i am a pushover with anxiety you dont have to assert dominance at all i promise#and he actually looked kind of taken aback and guilty for snapping on me for no reason so then im like#oh great just me saying i hope to not cause problems caused a problem#anyway ........ i wanted to draw a halloween thing but i just dont have the spoons rn
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When wounded by the past, Lestat will force his way through the initial pain and then refuse to acknowledge the untreated injury, letting it turn septic and rotten, all the while insisting that there is nothing wrong. Armand meanwhile wants to examine every inch of an injury, yet upon determining that it will likely heal in time if never work quite the same, he decides to amputate the limb anyhow.
#having a lot of thoughts about the ways that characters try and fail to deal with their own trauma#I'm trying not to speculate too much about Armand because I don't want to bring my own preconceptions to interpreting the show#however that not trailer did give me a lot of ideas and suggested answers to the question I have been wondering#namely what is the lesson that Louis feels he has learnt about memory and the past from Armand#that quote in the not trailer where Louis says that he is more himself without these memories#baby girl you have so many problems#fun fact: this post is a replacement for my previous unconcluded musings that was tagged 'I won't get into this yet'#Lestat de Lioncourt#Armand#Interview with the Vampire#Jagged Jottings
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genuine question, do you like maths?? i have a vague feeling i saw your post of tags or something that said something about it but i cannot figure out if it was in fact you or if it was even positive ahahah
Yeah that was me! I don't go looking for math problems, but when I happen to do them, I tend to enjoy it. Wasn't always this way — elementary school math was about speed and memorization and I hated that — but I had a really good teacher in upper secondary school, and it became about creative problem solving. It feels the same as writing a poem in meter or managing to untangle a really bad knot in a ball of yarn.
#i can't do math in my head or memorize formulas#and i'm not precise‚ which is bad for questions that are only numbers. like. 5+6=? type of stuff#because if all you need to is write the final answer‚ then if that answer is wrong‚ youve failed. don't get the points for the exam question#but! upper secondary school math! my beloved! (specifically lyhyt matikka‚ idk what pitkä is like)#there's a book that has all the formulas in it and you can use it and look them up even during exams. no memorization#it doesn't explain *how* the formulas are used but still#and there was more time than there ever was in my previous schools. and finishing fast did not mean you were better. i could take my time#and there were so many... worded questions? like instead of pure numbers they present the problem to you in words. phrases. prose#here is a situation. solve it#and you get to choose HOW to solve it#sometimes i could not remember how a formula worked‚ or hadn't quite figured out a recently taught technique yet#and i just. figured out a different way to solve the problem#can't remember the answer to 5x8? let's count 5+5+5+5+5+5+5+5 instead#38/7? lets draw 38 little balls in the margin and separate them into groups of 7 and see how many there are and how many strays get left out#like that but applied to lots of stuff#and it was enougj! it was fine! it was a valid way to solve it! i got the right answer!#unless i messed something up! a + turned into a - by accident somewhere in the middle of the equation#but! part of this level of math was that it was encouraged to write our whole thought process down#and i‚ unable to do it off the paper anyway#i wrote down ALL OF IT#and the teacher saw where i went wrong and that it was little precision things but that i had the techniques down and#i still got most of the points for those questions instead of losing everything because of an incorrect number at the end#these differences have meant everything#math is puzzles. puzzles can be fun#some of my first memories of math class are of me sobbing under my desk#i cried a few tears in all my matriculation exams too‚ even for my favourite subjects. but not math#one of the most important questions was a geometry one. i shine in that area#i grinned doing it
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sorry but i need to share the thought of Bailey being the closest thing the LIs (except. Robin i guess) have to/can consider as a father/mother-in-law when in a relationship with the PC is fucking hysterical to me 💀 knowing them they will just disapprove all of them regardless of who they are
#degrees of lewdity#bailey the caretaker#bailey: your weekly debt has been increased. now it is $4000 for you and robin; and $4000 for making me deal with your horrible taste.#(tbf bailey for sure thinks i have horrible taste in my current save. i've brought both kylar and whitney to the orphanage now.#and whitney calling him my 'daddy' was what inspired this post. ah yes; bailey; whitney and kylar's father-in-law......)#bunny talks#(though i've heard that bailey and eden seem to have more lore than just eden being my buyer if i fail to pay him. have yet to discover it)#(if it wasn't seen in game and it was a question vrelnir answered pls pls tell me through my inbox. or just tell me anyway i'm curious)
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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thinking about hornblower as i often do and there's something twisted in the fact that c.s forester wrote the events of Lord Hornblower, then went 'hmm. i should go back and explore the origins of my hero' and that includes an entire story told from Bush's perspective which lovingly describes hornblower's every action. who told him that was okay to do
#we've retconned how long these men have known each other JUST to show how ride or die bush is for this man#just in case that was ever in question. just in case anyone was considering saying that bush didnt love hornblower with his whole being#bush is in hotspur too ofc but hornblower gets a weird bee in his bonnet about being a captain so hes kind of an ass there#his first attempt at enforcing a boundary between himself and the officers and lord did that fail abysmally#and yet by implication when he was giving command of the Lydia he specifically chose Bush for his first lieutenant#was given command and went 'is lieutenant bush available?' exceptional stuff#but if you were to read release order going from lord to midshipman to lieutenant would be a Ride#but specifically lord and lieutenant... something in there. lord's the closest hornblower comes to being honest about the whole thing#and then you read lieutenant where bush isnt capable for a half second of disguising his appreciation for the junior lieutenant#the moment hornblower earns his respect he keeps it for the rest of his fucking life. drives me insane#*head in hands* i love lieutenant william bush so much dude
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I need ppl to understand that if I text them randomly with an odd question, they should immediately assume I'm starfished on a wooden or tiled floor staring up at a moving fanblade, even if, physically, I am not
#Laying on the floor watching ceiling fans is an experience#That's coming from someone who has a mild fear of them#Shout out to ppl who have bunk beds and ceiling fans#How have you not been decapitated yet#That always terrified me#You can also tape glow sticks to them#Makes a beautiful image#So glad it's the weekend now#I get to be less socially present#I should point out#That's immediately what I think of when I ask a friend a question online#Every time w/o fail#I'm bored#And have run out of tags#:p#random thoughts
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society if hoo had them at uni age and the lost trio went to chb and chiron is like "how tf are ANY of u alive and unclaimed". wilderness was just community college.
#on a serious note this changes a lot actually. annabeth and percy would not be in chb anymore so when percy goes missing#its like. a genuine possibility and fear because demigods don't make it that old. there is also some added time between tlo and tlh as well#further adding to jasons isolation as being even WEIRDER than everyone else. he also would've been praetor for longer so maybe the romans#wouldve cared more. this also does away with the plot hole of ppl not giving a shit that jason piper and leo (and dylan) straight up#dipped. introducing piper especially to a summer camp makes chb less appealing because they're too old for that and thus makes their#departure from chb make more sense in toa. yet also it opens up the possibility of new rome uni.... which i cannot see any reason as to why#leo would not go there!!!!! outside of being banned cuz he bombed new rome lol. but pipers sexuality arc works for college too!!! ur never#too old to find urself. but also this is the question of if you are able to relatively function in society (this is more for piper leo fran#and i guess percy) then why would you even fight this prophecy??? anyway lol them being college aged is perfect cuz percy is literally#going to a new place and having a new transition with new ppl... like u do in college LOL. now the question is would hazel still be 13. nic#is a lot older at this point and perhaps has the same age gap as bianca and him did 🤔 cant remember. but also don't know why hazel was 13#in the first place lol. idk. in my college hoo she is just a senior in hs about to graduate from spqr and thinking about staying there or#possibly going to newru after seeing frank make the decision the previous year! SAD!#anyway in hoo. percy and annabeth are sophomores. frank and the lost trio are freshman.#but then in toa. percy annie frank and the lost trio are all graduating cuz percy got held back and Annabeth failed after tartarus fr.#but then also know that piper never went to newru and is adamant about going to mortal uni. and leo kills in newru but is bored. nvm i#forgot he died 🧍♂️ ummmmmm ok. ignore leo. and jason actually. so um. ok that really threw me off but are u getting it. that's when apollo#is like 'heeyyyyy i need help pwease 🥺' and they're all like 'dude.'#OK!#but also i ackowedge that this is a children's book and i am not its demographic so god be with you.
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"have you eaten?" "yes" i said, like a liar
#vent#ed tw#i havent been coping very well and i've been lying to my parents about my disordered eating in these past few days#i did have breakfast. and a chamomile. and a plain tofu burger. about 7 hrs ago#couldn't bring myself to eat anymore because i just. cant#i had a panic attack earlier and another one yesterday and im drained because i havent had this many in a row in years#and if im reverting back to how i was a decade ago im killing myself this time without a question because now i know how it goes#i feel like nothing could ever fix the situation im in in general in life and just thinking about it is sending me into a panic again#i feel so alone yet so overwhelmed and so stupid and so tired of everythibg#tomorrow i have breakfast with my friends and i cant just not eat because they will absolutely force me to#like theyve been around long enough to just know without asking too many questions but still making sure i eat#also i didnt plan anything for lunch and my fridge is half empty bc i didnt have the physical strength to go grocery shopping#so i have i think yoghurt bananas tofu burgers and water#also one tomato. just checked#im so tired i want to die and not out of despair but out of exhaustion#like. i did what i had to do in this life. failed miserably. seen enough. i dont think being here for any longer would be fun#sorry if you followed me via ao3. i vent a lot here. sorry.#being an adult with these issues that teens usually have is mortifying. genuinely
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mannnn who up tearing up over the sticker scene
#txt#i just starting thinking about how terrified greg must have been :(((((#he made a mistake and why would tom protect him now when he can pick and choose so much more freely who he wants#logically i'm sure he knows matsson is indeed pissed over what he did but he doesn't hate greg at least not enough to get rid of him#yet that kind of phrasing he believes in an instant bc he's in such a state of fear you can see it in his eyes in his movements#he's so afraid he's gonna go right back to being homeless to his last 20 bucks and no one will save him. no one will love him. no one will#care. but tom!!!!!! oh GOD tom!!!! says i got just enough capital!!!! i got you! and then says I GOT YOU AGAIN! just so greg didn't miss it!#you hear me? i got you!!! i'll keep you!#can i come with you nero? YES YOU CAN THATS NOT EVEN A QUESTION#and the sheer. like. shock. of being chosen like that. greg is just staring at tom as he plucks the sticker off#stock fucking still as tom puts it on even swaying slightly with the gentle force of tom putting the sticker on him bc he#can't quite believe it for a second#then he breaks into a dopey sideways smile and tom tells him gently again i got you.#you got me? even after everything? even after i made a mistake? even though i hurt you? even though i tried to make my way#and failed? even after i slapped you? even after i fought back in the bathroom? you still want me?#it just. man idk it hits me right in the kokoro....
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There are two wolves inside me. One is trying to convince me to do extensive research for the job interview tomorrow and the other is saying “wing it”
#there’s yet another that’s saying ‘cancel it’ but no i want to do this#i’m just sick of working from home. it has made me realise that i have zero ability to self-motivate myself or to set up a schedule#and stick to it#(case in point: i’m on here at 10:19 on a thursday morning instead of working)#thank god i don’t have concrete deadlines to stick to because i would’ve failed all of them and gotten fired#anyway. to be honest i don’t know how much research i NEED to do? like i don’t know what they’re going to ask me#it’s either going to be a super informal interview where they basically have already made up their minds to hire me if i seem credible#or it’s going to be a long drawn-out process of structured interview questions and ‘tell me about a time you went above and beyond at work’#which… is a GARBAGE question i’m sorry. above and beyond??? girl i earned minumum fucking wage at my last job#i’ll go above and beyond when you pay me more than the bare fucking minimum. £12 an hour?? you’re lucky i showed up and didn’t steal stuff#i think my ‘research’ is just going to be making shit up to be honest#i have figured out where this place is geographically. i have looked at the website (which mostly just had pictures of a big pool)#i want to look at coshh guidelines and shit again and i want to make up some stories about me being an exemplary employee#because i know that just having been slightly above average is not enough. i’ve been slightly above average at most things my whole life#and it’s never enough#tbh i might just print out the job description and highlight the parts i already fit (so i know to talk about that in the interview)#and then find ways to make it look like i COULD fit the parts i don’t fit. or could learn to do so#i don’t want to doooooo this i hate job interviews. i hate bureaucracy#i hate having to beg for a job from companies that should be begging people to work for them#considering the fucking insane amount of duties they want to give you for fucking minimum wage. but anyway#if you need me i’m going to fight with my printer. it’s trying its best but ‘its best’ is not good#personal
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Not to ask obvious questions that may not be worth asking, but, in Good Omens Season 2, when we see Michael’s trial someone (can’t recall who) says something about how one prince (I think prince is what they say) being sent to hell is fine but two shows an institutional issue and Michael (being a prince) won’t be demoted to hell because of this. Is Satan/Lucifer (because from what I googled they seem to be the same in the Bible) the prince they are referring to as the first one to be cast out?
#I don’t know very much about the original text of the Bible and I haven’t yet read the original Good Omens book#so I’m not sure if my question would be answered if I had read either one#it also seems like there may be different systems of belief when it comes to the angels and there titles#so idk if that plays into it at all#I tried google and it failed me#I just wanted to ask cuz it seems like there are a lot of hints that Crowley might have previously been and archangel#or at least a very powerful angel#and I wasn’t sure if this was possibly another hint or if this is just Bible knowledge I don’t have#good omens#good omens season two#good omens spoilers#crowley#good omens crowley#good omens michael#archangel michael
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Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros is literal hot garbage and I will die on this hill.
#like it’s literally one of the worst constructed/written books I have ever encountered#how on earth could Yarros be married to a 20+ year military vet and yet still not even understand the most basic military concepts#it’s honestly astounding how brain dead her characters are#the way she writes makes it abundantly obvious that she thinks her readers are a bunch of idiots#who need every single story theme and element hand fed to them#the introduction of Varrish was just utter bullshit#she could have painted ‘VILLAIN’ on his forehead and it would’ve been less obvious#please tell us again how smart your main character is while she proceeds to do the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen#‘oh why won’t xaden trust me with rebellion secrets even though I basically announce my suspicions of the empire at every turn?’#idk violet maybe it’s bc you won’t do the mind training they’ve been telling you to do#so you’re constantly vulnerable to the mindreader YOU KNOW PERSONALLY#maybe that’s why no one tells you anything???#also holy shit her being like ‘I have to be careful and not let the empire know I’m questioning my duties’#and then immediately crashing into a scribe meeting to request more red flag reading??#like??? was she kicked in the head???#also the dragons stating multiple times that humans are basically like ants to them and they don’t care if they live or die#but simultaneously having to somehow be subserveant to the military????#bitch why weren’t you all enslaved by the dragons#this is such nonsense#also her prose is ass#come back when you can tell the difference between parse and parcel Rebecca#yeah a lot of my complaints are iron flame related#but that’s just bc it really hit home how bad this all is with the second book#net zero improvement#way to fail downwards Rebecca#ALSO!! what evil empire would conscript their enemies children into the one branch of their military where they get DRAGONS and SUPERPOWERS#like what??!!#in what world#what military would be so afraid of a new rebellion that they conscript the people with deep emotional ties to the old rebellion???#if real militaries worked this way there would be no more war bc we’d all be dead
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Uni lecture is making me think about my future for a minute and auuuggghhhh the agonies
#personal#taking a brief break from it bc the feeling hasnt quite overwhelmed me yet but i dont think I'm going to be okay by the end of it!#its asking me to consider what my strengths are. what kind of role I'd like to have in the industry when i graduate#these are questions that i SHOULD certainly have answers to but they kind of just make me not wanna be alive yk? bc i have no answers#I'm not really good at much. like the things I'm best at I'm still completely unexceptional#what are my strengths? don't have any. next question#what job do i want to have in the industry? well that requires an answer to the first question doesn't it#not to mention it requires me to think about graduating and having a job and I've simply never imagined myself getting that far#and i can only give this so much of my attention span bc I'm also thinking about how hard i failed my modules from last semester#my best grade this year has been a c#one of them is a marginal fail meaning i do the reassessment this year (i think)#the other is a hard f. what does that mean? do i resit the entire course next year? maybe#and i can't look it up just yet bc i need to make it through the lecture bc I'm really far behind this other module already#and it's only week 3 and i have a presentation tomorrow#and if i stop watching it im not convinced I'll bring myself to start watching again!#so instead i was just sitting here trying not to get overwhelmed by all of the things i should be thinking about!!!#that's why I'm making the post tbh. just to organise my thoughts and get it out of my system and give myself time to breathe#and my phone keeps buzzing while i type and if it does that one more time i will launch us both out of the window I'm so fucking done#semester has barely begun and im so fucking overwhelmed already#I've joked about being the token nt mutual before but honestly the past few years I've just been getting gradually more convinced I'm not#this can't be how everyone else is experiencing life. surely#like dude I'm so out of fucking touch w the concept of being a human#so in summary: augh the agonies
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OOF ending an episode just before a final death save is so rude.
Also I love that you can judge the damage output in an episode by how many times the gang calls Murph Brian lmao.
#shout out to anyone who was listening live when Rogue Gods went up I would have lost my damn mind.#spoilers in the tags#Also mmmm this short rest is full of terrifying information Jake and Emily saying that they would go with Thiala without question#to get Bev back is SOMETHING can you IMAGINE#Like imagine if the reincarnate failed and Thiala swept in with a secondary offer - woof#naddpod#bahumia#yet another episode that makes me want to troll through AO3 for fics.
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