#these codependent disasters have my heart

[novelconcepts]

17 for taivan?

17 - Stealing or Sharing Clothes

Van starts stealing her clothes when they're fifteen, and she's sneaky as fuck about it. Taissa doesn't even realize her sweatshirt is gone until she knocks on Van's door one Saturday morning, intending to drag Van out shopping.

(Van kind of hates shopping; "I have clothes," she said blankly, the last time Tai pulled this. "How many does one person need?" It is therefore funny to inflict upon her the ravages of Claire's and Forever 21.)

Van opens her door, bleary, rubbing her eyes. She's wearing basketball shorts with a hole in the black mesh and Taissa's JV sweatshirt.

"Hey," she says, "that's mine."

Van twists at the waist, looking over her own shoulder at the name imprinted on navy cotton. "Wouldja look at that. How'd it fall into my laundry basket?"

Taissa takes it back from her that very day, even going so far as to buy Van a replacement hoodie. Not that she needs to replace it, since it's her fucking property, but whatever.

A few weeks go by before Van steals it again.

It becomes a thing. Taissa will go searching for a favorite t-shirt or sweater, certain it's been devoured by whichever laundry goblins are responsible for lost socks, and lo and behold: she finds it. In Van's room. Slung over Van's chair, or under Van's jacket at a party. Tucked into Van's locker, hanging between Van's backpack and Van's upsetting stash of ancient book reports.

"We don't even have the same style!" she groans. "Stop stealing my shit!"

"Our shit," says Van sagely, pulling yet another sweater down over her head. She's already wearing a sweater. It's September. This is so gloriously stupid, all Taissa can do is laugh.

When they crash, Van's thefts grow less intentional. They all do this now, dressing with blind eyes, paying little attention to the original owner of any given article of clothing. Clothes with overt wear-and-tear are recycled into blankets or bandages. Whatever's left is fair game, tossed into a communal stash.

Van wears Taissa's jacket often, pulling it tight around her diminishing frame. Taissa, in turn, wears Van's zip-ups, her rugby stripes. There's a modicum of control in swapping closets, though it pains Taissa to think they're now the same size, that they've shrunk down to a single-stitch format of a person. She tries not to focus on the facts. Tries to think instead of the dizzy warmth that comes from wearing Van's clothes, as if Van is--always--wrapping her close.

Eventually, she forgets. What was hers. What was Van's. Some things might even have begun life in Travis' suitcase, or Natalie's, adopted by the two of them instead. Even when they go home, some of those items remain. She touches a flannel shirt, hanging off Van's otherwise naked shoulders as she flips pancakes one morning, and thinks maybe it was Shauna's, once.

The line is razor-thin. What is hers. What is Van's. She has trouble telling the difference. They share the same shoe size. The same jacket size. They dress for warmth and the steady assurance that they will be safe, should another tragedy strike. For a long time, fashion is such a non-issue, Taissa can't imagine ever having cared about the mall, about Forever 21, about laughing when Van insisted she already owned plenty of shirts.

Time ticks by, and Van's in her closet more and more. Van's henley hanging off her own torso. Her jeans clinging to Van's hips. Is there any difference? Aren't they one soul sharing two bodies?

The first time Taissa comes home with a new dress, Van whistles. Grins. Still, there's a shadow in her eyes. That's not for me, she seems to be thinking. That's not for sharing. And, maybe: You did this on purpose.

It's the first step down a freshly-lain road. Taissa begins buying what she likes. What feels professional. What feels interesting. Van continues pulling from her side of the closet, but only the old stuff. The vintage t-shirts, the weathered hoodies. She leaves the new items be.

Maybe that's why Taissa buys a soft gray sweater one day. Not fancy. Straight-cut, simple, a loose collar. She buys it for herself, but when she looks into the mirror, it's Van she can picture curled within the warm fabric.

Van, who--indeed--is sitting on the couch in that very sweater not three days later.

"Stealing my shit," says Tai fondly. As if they're totally normal these days. As if they haven't been arguing more. As if Van hasn't been sleeping on the couch. As if the sex hasn't been near-violent, and the silences, afterward, excruciating.

"Our shit," Van replies, craning her head back. Long red hair forms a waterfall over the back of the couch. Taissa bows to kiss her, fingers clenching around the collar of her sweater. She runs her fingers over the soft knit, uses the weave to pull Van close. It's a good sweater. Looks better on Van than it did on her.

She will miss it when Van is gone.

[yourdarkcherry]

Is it casual now?// Ellie Williams x fem!reader

summary: you and Ellie had a “casual” thing until she decided to ghost you and replace you. your friends decide that the best way to get over her is to get under another woman.

warnings: jealous ellie, abby is the revenge, reader is barely surviving her first wlw heartbreak, she/her for reader.

a/n: if u cant tell im obsessed with chappell roan.

It was your fault. Sleeping with Ellie Willaims was your fault. 

Ellie was notoriously known as the toxic one, and you knew that. But you were like a moth drawn to a flame, you smiled at her when your eyes met hers too many times at the party. You allowed her to flirt with you, and encouraged her to make out with you at the backseat of the Uber. 

She told you she liked you, and that you were the sexiest girl she was with, but it was all casual and no attachments, it was just having fun.

You knew that deep in your heart, and you liked it because you weren’t looking for anything serious and simply liked the sex and the flirting without any attachment. You liked being able to sleep with anyone you wanted, you liked being able to flirt with anyone, no one blowing up your phone and no one requiring your time and care.

You liked it all.

Until Ellie wormed her way to your heart. It was truly your fault, all of your friends told you that a ‘Casual’ thing with Ellie was a recipe for disaster. 

You didn’t care, you were happy to be the one occupying most of her time, you were simply happy to be the one that got to meet her dad or Joel as she liked to call him, you were ecstatic being the only one to know how much of a big nerd she really is, to be the one to hear her sing, to be the only one that knows how to make her laugh when she’s sad.

That is all until she decided to replace you.

The sight of Ellie with another girl, the two of them were on the couch, the girl sat on Ellie’s lap and giggling into her neck as Ellie whispered things you never wanted to hear in her ear. Just seeing them like that made your eyes burn, and your breathing turned short and despite wanting to peel away your stare from them.

You couldn’t.

Your eyes were glued to them, your vision turning blurry by the second and your stomach turning sick, you didn’t drink anything at this party so you cannot blame it on the drinks no matter how much you wanted to.

In your trance at them, Ellie turned to stare at you—must’ve felt your burning look. You wanted her to push the girl away, to stand up and walk to you and lie to you that it’s not what you think it is. You wished for her to tell you any lie, to pretend like she wanted you just as you wanted her.

You would’ve believed it all, you would have succumbed to her and allowed her to take you to her bed and you would’ve allowed her back into your heart.

But none of your wishes came true. While maintaining eye contact with you, Ellie pulled the girl closer to her.You could feel the bile rising to your throat, and you ran outside the house party and threw up into one of the bushes.

Some part of you is grateful that your wishes didn’t come true, that the next day you didn’t wake up naked in Ellie’s bed. Because it makes hating her a lot easier. 

“It’s a good thing you two ended that weird casual thing you had,” Leah told you on the way to the cafeteria after class. “I don’t know about you, but if the person I was fucking with no strings attached made me meet their parents, I’d run.” You sigh and roll your eyes at her words.

“It was never casual, maybe at the beginning but it quickly escalated to something very codependent. I’m glad it ended, though.” She added, taking the booth seat. 

“Okay, can we stop airing out my dirty laundry for once? I was wrong and you were right, is that what you wanna hear?” you scoff at Leah. The woman grins and nods, “that’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”

You sigh for the millionth time on this day. 

“I’m glad you admitted that I’m right, because from now on you’re going to do exactly what I tell you to do.” Leah said, then her eyes falling to something behind you and waving. Before you could look over your shoulder to what she’s looking at, or more rightfully, who she’s looking at, she holds your arm and stops you.

“You’re going to flirt hard with Abby Anderson, and you’re going to dress as a slutty cop when you go to the party this weekend with Abby.”

You open your mouth to ask who the hell is Abby Anderson and why does Leah think she can boss you around like that, but she cuts you as she speaks urgently. “You are a whore, act like it.” before you get a chance to feel offended at her words, you hear Jordan’s voice as he greets, “hi babe”

He rounds the table to sit at the booth, he presses a kiss to Leah’s forehead. She grins into it, and from the corner of your eyes you see a new figure, you turn to look at a tall blonde woman. She pulls out a seat and then turns to look at you when she notices your look.

“Hi, I’m Abby, Jordan’s friend.” You blink, taking in the sight of the tall, blonde woman who just introduced herself as Abby. Her gaze is steady and confident, her smile is charming and polite.

“Nice to meet you, I’m (Y/N)” you reply, forcing a smile as you try to mask your confusion. Leah’s instructions echo in your mind, and you're not sure how to react. Who is this Abby Anderson, and why does Leah seem so intent on orchestrating some kind of encounter between you and her?

Leah’s so obvious as she says with a knowing look directed to you, “(Y/N), this is Abby Anderson,” 

“Hi Abby, Leah tells me a lot about you.” you lie. 

Abby chuckles, and nods, “she told me about you too. She has a knack for thinking all the lesbians on campus know each other.”

As you burst out in laughter at Abby’s comment, Leah feigns innocence as she asks, “y’all don’t? I know all the bisexuals on campus.”

Jordan leans back, his arm draped casually over the back of the booth, watching the interaction with a keen interest. "So, you guys ready for the party this weekend?" he asks.

Leah comments, throwing you another look as she said, “(Y/N)’s been looking forward to it,” she says, shooting a grin at Abby. “She never attended a frat halloween party.”

Abby nods, and looks at you, “It’s pretty fun, any thoughts for a costume?” Her voice is smooth, and it grounds you even when you glance at Leah that’s glaring at you. 

“Uh…” you hesitate, glancing again at Leah that kicks your leg underneath the table. You finally answer, “uhm…I’m going as a cop.”

“No way! I’m going as a prisoner.” Abby said with pure surprise, and when your gaze falls at Leah and Jordan that are pretending to not have known. You also stammer as you try to lie, “wow, I had no idea!”

“What a coincidence, truly.” Leah says.

“You two should go together.” Jordan comments, and Leah claps as she affirms, “oh yes that’s such a good idea! That way you two won’t look like single losers, no offense.”

“None taken.” Abby says with an amused grin, then she tilts her head to you and asks, “so, what do you say?”

“Sure.” You nod.

As the night of the party approaches, your nerves begin to bubble up, and it's not just because of the skimpy costume Leah convinced you to wear. The real source of your anxiety is the possibility of running into Ellie Williams. 

She attended all the parties, she never missed one. You on the other hand stopped attending them after the one you saw her at weeks before with that other girl in her lap. After that, you swore to never see her again. Which was easy, considering you had memorized her schedule like the back of your hand. 

The idea of seeing her at the party, mingling with others and having fun, twists your stomach into knots.

“When’s Abby picking you up?” Leah asks, her voice coming out of the speaker of your phone.

You stand in front of the mirror, adjusting the police costume's accessories for the umpteenth time, trying to focus on anything other than the potential encounter. “In five minutes, you on the way the party?” 

“Yeah, Jordan is in the car with me.” She answers. 

You take a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves. “Cool, I’ll see you guys there,” you say, forcing a smile that Leah can’t see.

“Hey, you'll be fine," Leah reassures, her tone softening. "Remember, this party is about you having fun and maybe getting to know Abby better. Don't worry about Ellie. If she shows up, just ignore her. You've got this."

You nod, even though she can't see you, and glance at the clock. Time seems to drag and race simultaneously, your thoughts racing ahead to every possible scenario that could unfold at the party. The memory of seeing Ellie with another girl, looking so carefree and happy, still stings. It was that moment that made you realize it was time to let go.

A knock on your door startles you out of your reverie. You quickly grab your phone, ending the call with Leah. "Abby's here. I'll catch you later."

"Have fun, (Y/N)!" Leah calls out before you hang up. You take one last look in the mirror, smoothing down your costume and taking a deep breath.

When you open the door, Abby stands there, a grin on her face. She's in her prisoner costume, complete with fake tattoos on her arms. She was wearing a short sleeved orange button down, the first five buttons left open and giving you a good look into her chest. “Hey, Officer,” she jokes lightly, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “Please don’t arrest me just yet, I have a party to attend.”

You laugh, though it’s tinged with nervousness. “I’ll let you off the hook just this time.” you reply, stepping out and closing the door behind you. 

The drive to the party is filled with light chatter, Abby doing most of the talking. She seems at ease, excited for the night ahead, and her energy is contagious. You try to focus on her words, on the fun you're supposed to be having, but a part of you can't stop thinking about Ellie.

It’s truly the pinnacle of loser behavior as your friends always tell you, but you can’t help it. She plagues your mind, and everything about her haunts you.

As you arrive at the party, the music and laughter spilling out from the house only amplify your anxiety.You and Abby climb the steps leading up to the door, and enter through the wide door. Your eyes scan through the dim lit room with the red and green lights. The music pulses through the room, a steady beat that seems to synchronize with the thrumming in your chest. You scan the room, your eyes darting from group to group, hoping to spot familiar faces—or perhaps to avoid one in particular.

"Wow, it's packed," Abby comments, leaning in close to be heard over the music. Her presence is comforting, a steady anchor in the sea of partygoers.

You nod, your eyes still searching the room. Suddenly, you spot Nora and Mel in one of the corners, engaged in an animated conversation. They're dressed up too, Nora as a pirate with a makeshift sword at her side and Mel as a witch, complete with a pointed hat and a fake broomstick.

A wave of relief washes over you at the sight of your friends. You nudge Abby and point in their direction. "There are Nora and Mel," you say, a genuine smile breaking through your earlier anxiety.

Abby smiles back, nodding. "Let's go say hi."

As you and Abby approach Nora and Mel, their faces light up with recognition. Nora waves excitedly. "Hey, Abby! (Y/N)! Over here!"

Mel, grins widely, “there you two are! We were wondering when you'd show up." She gives you both a quick hug. "And look at you, Abby! Going all out with the prisoner theme, huh?" Nora hands you a drink that you down, hoping it will calm down your nerves.

Abby laughs, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “Thanks” she says as she’s glancing at you, "and (Y/N) makes a pretty convincing cop, don't you think?"

Nora nods enthusiastically. "Absolutely! You two look great. Perfect match for the night." She takes the empty cup from you and places it somewhere else. Eager to find another drink, you take the red cup from Mel’s hands and down it too.

A new song starts playing, and as you recognize the song from the beginning of it. Nora’s eyes widen and she pushes you and Abby to the direction of the dance floor, “this is (Y/N)’s favorite song! You two should dance together!”

It doesn’t take you long to figure out that Leah most likely roped Nora into it too. The mission of getting you to get laid by someone new to get over your weird feelings for Ellie.

It seems like your friends are determined to push you out of your comfort zone tonight. Abby, ever the good sport, grins and shrugs. "Well, if it's your favorite song, we have to dance," she says, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

Caught in a case of mild embarrassment, you let yourself be led to the dance floor. When you reach there, you kick out all the embarrassment out of your head, and then turn around as you bring Abby’s hands to rest on your waist from the back.

It’s a dangerous game you’re playing, but if your friends are so eager for you to sleep with Abby, you might as well do that. It’s probably the tell-tale signs of you being tipsy but the idea of making out with Abby seems like a good idea right now. You like her just enough, and she seems to like you too.

With that, you start grinding your ass on her. Abby leans in close, her breath warm against your ear. "You're a pretty good dancer," she says and you can hear her teasing grin. 

You smile back, feeling a flush of warmth to your cheeks and neck as one of her hands on your waist roams underneath your tits.

“Do you like my costume?” you ask, your hand resting on her own and you tilt your head to the side to allow her to press her face to your neck. She breathes in your perfume and whispers back, “I love it.”

You’re about to whisper the same line you used on Ellie when she saw you wearing that tiny scarlet dress she likes in that first party you met her. I wore it just so you’d sleep with me. But your eyes fall on the very same Ellie Williams.

Standing right to the side, and glaring at you like you were the one that cursed her with seven years of bad luck. Her piercing gaze sends a chill down your spine, and any playful mood you had vanishes instantly. The weight of her stare is too much, and instinctively, you pull back from Abby, the space between you widening in an instant.

Abby, sensing the shift, looks at you with concern, “something wrong?”

“I—I need to go to the bathroom.” you lie, and then take unbalanced steps towards the stairs to use the upstairs bathroom. Your mind races, unsure of what to do next. The party, the music, and the laughter all fade into the background as you enter the toilet.

You allow the cold water to sting your hands as you can’t really wash your face. 

But before you can fully collect your thoughts, the door swings open, and Ellie steps in, closing it behind her with a quiet click. The small space suddenly feels even smaller, the air charged with the unresolved tension between you.

Ellie’s eyes are a mix of emotions—anger, hurt, and something else you can’t quite place. She takes a step closer, her jaw set. “What the hell was that?” she asks, her voice low but intense.

You swallow hard, feeling the weight of her gaze. You rest your hands on the sink as you scoff, “why do you care?” then you push your weight back while turning around to face her, “you moved on, and I’m trying to move on.”

“Is that what it was? Moving on?”

You hesitate, the words sticking in your throat. You want to say yes, to tell her that you’re over her, but the truth is, you’re not sure. Seeing her now, the intensity of your feelings crashes over you like a wave, and you realize that moving on is much harder than you thought it would be.

“Actually, it’s not moving on. We were never something, it was never that deep between us.” You say.

You feel your heartbeat accelerating as you stare at her, before you stepped closer to the door and invade her personal space, “baby, no attachment.” you use the same words she told you that last night you slept with her.

Without waiting for her reaction, you turn and push open the bathroom door. You walk out, the noise of the party flooding back in, a stark contrast to the tense silence of the small room. As you step into the hallway, your heart races, the adrenaline from the confrontation making your pulse quicken.

Forcing yourself to keep moving, and trying to put as much distance between yourself and Ellie as possible. You promise yourself that night that you won’t allow her to take up one thought of your mind.

[orviposition]

What trope would you put Joongdok in?

i honestly think that when it comes to joongdok it would be much easier if i answered with the tropes i WOULDNT put them in 😭😭

oh boy here i go! let's start with two of the most obvious first:

1. matching outfits with opposite color schemes, and 2. opposites (leo & aquarius) attract (<- attract as in lowkey bordering in codependency)

yin & yang - not only are joongdok aesthetically yin&yang but narratively too (i mentioned in a previous ask that they're sky & earth too)

star-crossed - (if you believe in orv's sad ending)

life (and death) companions - is probably a trope on its own considering the meaning of the title. not only does it mean (i ran the term through a thesaurus so yall don't have to 👍🏻👍🏻) "a romantic partner with whom one is exceptionally or uniquely compatible or has a special connection" but the synonyms are also of the romantic variety ranging from (but not limited to) life partner, best friend, soulmate, spouse, true love, one's promised, significant other, love of one's life, beloved, heart's desire etc (long story short, pretty sick tbh. no wonder kr dudebros threw a fit in singshong's comment section over it. i get it) and what makes it infinitely funnier is that it started as crack being treated seriously 😭😭😭😭

anyway, continuing where i left off, Soulmates - kdj is the reason yjh exists. yjh is the reason kdj lives. (hsy wrote both of them in a way that they became each other's salvation hence their position of reader-protagonist gets switched in the epilogue and both of them have admitted that reading about the other's story has saved their lives)

everyone ships them/everyone can see it - uriel, gabriel, ljh, hsy, jhw, lsh, anna croft, persephone/hades (the third eligible candidate to marry kdj was yjh and you will never be able to convince me otherwise. also if you have an answer other than yjh ur wrong), yma (if webtoon dares not to draw the "oppa looks happy when thinking about that ahjussi" you'll see me on the news) the wenny king. heck even gong pildu, upon some consideration and by method of elimination, deduced that theres no way kdj has enough rizz to pull neither ysa nor hsy therefore who was left to be the one who helped kdj birth his "child" (kidified sp) ??? yjh obv 😭😭 and why would he question the possibilities of mpreg when hmo is right there anyway. heck hmo even told kdj that he should try it.

when one is hurt/dying/dead, the other rages, panics, is extremely distressed - (maybe there's a shorter way to say this like "who did this to you" but joongdok have ascended past cheesy romances 😝) disaster of flood arc, aftermath of dark castle, the fight with surya, 1863, aftermath of sp's kidnapping etc

hates everyone but you - sure yjh doesnt hate All constellations but he for sure hates all demon kings. (mini fun fact about me, up until joongdok rebranded my brain, i didnt like this trope)

aloof x low self-esteem = both emotionally constipated 🙄🙄

derogatory term becomes a term of endearment - fool/sunfish (bastard)

bickering like a married couple - is this a trope? well it is now

denial of attraction/closeness - just two men who most definitely never lie when it comes to their feelings

identity theft - without malicious intent (i hope!! *stares at all the atrocities kdj has committed using yjh's name*)

masterchef x disaster in the kitchen - very, very, very simplified version of the trope. wouldnt call kdj a disaster but definitely a worse cook than yjh (subtrope would be [pro-gamer x game tester])

famous x fan - lol "famous"

annoying x annoyed - (kdj: breathes. yjh: ugh drop dead. kdj: drops dead. yjh: wait no-💢)

A thinks B will be happy without him / B doesn't know how (doesn't want) to live without A - 51kdj seeing 49kdj leave with yjh and the others, thinking that he and yjh will set on a journey together to find tls123 / museum fight

will sacrifice everyone/everything for the other - *cracks knuckles* when 41st sys tries to give yjh a 2nd chance to save himself and his old companions and all he had to do was say that kdj isn't his companion. when kdj admits that 1863rd hsy's plan to see the ending of the scenarios is smart and well-thought out but because that world doesn't need yjh he doesn't cooperate. (side story spoilers below, but when you think about it long enough the side story came to be because yjh spread orv to lhh's worldline. all the deaths happening because yjh needs to collect a fragment of kdj's soul from that world)

speaking of lhh, reincarnation - now hear me out. not your typical reincarnation but bcs we know that 49kdj's wish was to reincarnate into someone that doesn't have anything to do with kimcom -> subtrope: doesn't want to be found / is found

amnesia - 0 is also not your typical amnesiac

god x god's favorite

age gap - theyre both the same age and simultaneously have age gap(s) make of that what you will

important symbol - (object) pocket watch

glucose guardian - listen!! listen!! sp/kdj and 0/51 exist okay

harem - sorry i couldnt help it

[myfaveisfuckable]

Apollo:

This is the transest non canon trans man to ever exist. There are so many trans men in this fandom and a signifucant portion of us latched on to Apollo Justice and his rockstar dodging pussy. Klavier Gavin rockstar prosecutor canon disaster bi? Wants him. Can't have him, but he wants him so, so bad. Look the trans autism pussy hits different, ok? He shows up to work and he works, do not talk to him about non work related things he will not answer you. Very easy to fluster though if you flirt with him even a little. He'll get annoyed at you for it though, he's so insecure. Would love to get in his ass. He's probably memorized every law ever and could recite them while you blow him he's so hot. He is literally so dense, mans can tell when you're lying and still will not put two and two together unless it's in a court room. May or may not have been involved with his dead best friend but they were at the very least codependent. He straight up does not talk about himself ever and it makes for some interesting reveals. He would get right up to the point where you're taking him home for the first time to tell you it's all puss down there. He's also like very short. Ignore canon heights, they're wrong and do not make nay sense. He's 5'5" max, likely shorter. Short King we love you. Idk how much of that was actually relevant.

* I know bc I ate him behind a defunct dennys

Chuuya:

1. Have you seen this man?? His pussy poppeth severely

2. GOD this man has me in a chokehold.

The collar. The crop jacket. The flexibility. The noisiness. The wine mom milf coding. You just KNOW he could ride you silly.

I want him so bad it's not even funny. He's only tiddy height on me and I do not give a damn

* not proven to not have one* I know bc I ate him behind a defunct dennys* canon in my heart

[rajakaen]

9 people you'd like to get to know better (Tag Game)

Tagged by @jukkariart - the little gremlin they are ;D

3 Ships • Canon Ship: Sarah Kerrigan & James Raynor (I am that old, yes) • OC Ship: My Gray Warden Aedan Cousland & The Witch of the Wild Morrigan (They're all bad decisions. These idiots hold a special place in my heart ❤️) • Ship of the Week: Tahr'rys Nelubin & Ashara Zavros (codependent idiots and disaster semi-couple partners)

1st Ship I'd say Jan Ors & Kyle Katarn but also Scully & Mulder. Can't decide. Seems I like complex and complicated ships the most. Sorry for not being sorry here.

Last Song: Many. I usually listen to Future-/SynthPop or a diversity of Trance radio channels at di.fm - depending on my mood Death-/Power-/NuMetal can occur too. It's radio guys - I don't know all the names of the songs they play lol

Current reading: I have the bad habit of reading several books and/or comics at once… 🫠 • The Cycle of Wind and Sparks aka The Chronicles of Hara by Alexei Pehov (Алексей Пехов) • The 13½ Lives of Captain Bluebear by Walter Moers • The 13th Paladin Series by Torsten Weitze

Last Film: Trash! Rebel Moon, Forbidden World and our annual viewing of The Room on New Year's Eve, for sure.

Craving: Does it sound sad when I state that I crave some free time? There's only work, more work & even more work. I want some time to sleep and charge my creative batteries. Money can't buy that, though. Still, bills must be paid. So, it's back to work, I guess? 🥲

Tagging: No pressure (don't mind them if you were already tagged) @baraste-legacy @bigbadvv0lf @pioneer-over-c @xanthouransong @generouspicklesaladhumanoid @theoasiswinds @swtorpadawan @dingoat @kemendin

[mapsofnonexistentplaces]

question for you... top cc divorces?

GOD where do i begin. i think there’s more like divorce than actual maintained relationships throughout the whole thing LOL might as well run through all of them

the fucking. one that’s ruled my mind and heart for the past few months nonstop has been isel and olzhas specifically because their whole dynamic revolves around how much these two care about each other even in spite of like. the loose conceit of a breakup haunting them. they both have this thing about, despite mutually deciding on separation, making exceptions for one another in terms of aiding and even being outright affectionate with one another… they’re still being very tightknit whilst also refusing to let other people pry into these ‘transgressive’ acts that contradict the broadcasted external image of their relationship. they’ve got a very private kind of love between them and their whole divorce is basically just a charade built off a misunderstanding but it’s still this constraining force that just. guilts the both of them out of genuineness. it’s fucked up. it’s my favorite thing in the world. i’m glad everyone else just finds the whole ordeal gormless and i’m glad people like freya and dalisay exist to make fun of these guys for being soooo unbearably facetious

beatrix and marjolaine are also complicated…. with them it’s less a thing of them like. tugging at my heartstrings and more just being like the most twisted fascinating puzzle of codependency LOL. like the two of them met each other whilst they were very young and they were both kind of just like. superficially enthralled with one another. very artistically pretentious pair of wayward fiction writer/famous opera singer which like. slowly lost its spark over the years and like two decades later they’re basically both just tugging on one another. utterly refusing to break things off despite then both obviously only being captivated by the past veneer of their old young love. with beatrix in particular it’s fun because he’s got like. this whole complex about seeming well-put together and accomplished and classy and whatever and he’s basically holding onto marjolaine as a status symbol like “hah look at me i’m an accomplished woman who is MARRIED” and he basically views outright divorce as like. admitting to making a mistake in choosing to marry marjolaine. and him admitting to a mistake would basically like kill him so eh. in the dull relationship he must stay. like something i adore about the whole situation is that beatrix basically DID divorce him and quickly walked back on that for aforementioned prideful reasons which is like. yeah. he’s a bit of a disaster it’s fine. similarly i’m fond of the way marjolaine latches on to beatrix for a similar reason of like. “i already started this marriage and ever since my life’s gone down the drain (especially socially) so i need to keep this flame alive if nothing else” whilst also. only really being half-hearted in her interest of beatrix as an individual. they’re both just very devoted to. not really one another. but the period of time that their inversion represents.

cas and lanuola are like a complete nightmare to explain i’ll do it separately if anyone wants it but like MANNNN they’ve got a mixture of things that kick my ass which is like. a) born arose from very heavy performance-based careers and both never really had profound connections with other people nor managed to really effectively evade the public eye. got to do the latter on the train quite plainly and also got attached to one another quite quickly due to shared experiences. they’re both each other’s “first person to really understand me”. b) they both died trying to protect each other it’s all in vain and it fucked!!!! they turn into weird abstract ghosts and you think it’d be fine BUT c) divorce happens due to a convoluted domino fall of events basically boiling down to “cas is extremely bent on revenge for her early death and exerts it on someone completely unrelated by sending them vague scary visions meant to warn the living of the person who killed her and lanuola finds this completely uncouth and breaks things off for moral purposes. however cas is also conflicted about her actions and is incapable of admitting it. lanuola also misses cas but maintains his morality steadfastly. ahhhhhhhh!” to harken to an old sketch made by my good friend stanley:

there’s like some smaller divorces that don’t quite matter that much. like faris and volkan. latter of whom is literally an absolute speck of dust of a character he literally just exists to be faris’ ex boyfriend who barely even comes up. this dude’s job is to simply get a divorce. it’s not even that dramatic they just cut things off because faris wants to leave for the scary train that’s rumoured to probably just kill people once they get on there and it’s like. amicable enough. faris hardly ever gives him much thought afterward LOL

mazin’s divorce also like vaguely matters but it’s another more metaphorical thing. dude literally just disappears without a word to his wife because he’s just THAT ravenous to leave for the train and sabotage it from within. only ever brings her up to get pity from other people and was never really that attentive to her or anything. he sure is a really lovely guy

the brief rendezvous between olzhas and faris is also funny to me just because these guys have been like. good friends for years and like the first thing olzhas does upon breaking up with isel is go AW SHIT i feel useless and bad on my own are there any other beautiful bears on this train that i can tie myself to. and so e kind of just jumps into a relationship with eir old bestie only for faris to like. no more than a week later. go “yeah i do care for you and i want to see you get better but also i am Not isel and using me as a rebound is bad both for you AND me” and olzhas is kind of just like. “Shit yeah. sorry. let’s go break chairs over each others heads.” and they do. they’re still friends and this whole incident basically means nothing to either of them nowadays but it humors me. the woes of the gay italian man….

[drgrlfriend]

Chrome Plated Heart

So, I was complaining to my friend that I am WAY too impatient to update weekly, and that I should have picked a twice-a-week update schedule. And then I realized -- I'm the boss! So, now updating TWICE a week on Wednesdays and Sundays, here is the next chapter of my Marvel Pacific Rim AU featuring Winterhawk. Chrome Plated Heart by dr_girlfriend: Chapter Three: I Got Angels Crying From Up Above

Excerpt:

“You knew them before?”  Bucky always figured the government just picked out the first set of guinea pigs to go into the Pons.

“The murder twins?  Yeah.  I guess after Rhodey got hurt, word got out that I was going a little off the rails with some of the stuff I was working on.  SHIELD sent Nat undercover at SI to find out what the hell I was up to.  Once they realized it was nothing reckless — or at least reckless by my standards — Coulson came clean and introduced me to his team.  This was all before the first breach, of course.”

“Murder … twins?��  Bucky can’t help but be curious.  

“Well, not really.  I mean the twins part, the murder part is definitely accurate.  They were both spy-assassins for SHIELD.”

“Jesus, really?  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, the way they moved.”  Bucky can’t help but press a little more.  “And the twins part?  In every interview they say the same thing — ‘We’re not related, but we’re family.’”

Tony grins.  “You like that line?  I wrote it for them.  Warned them they’d be facing a lot of attention if this all worked out.  But I didn’t peg you for someone to be mooning over PanPac puff pieces.  What, do you have a centerfold of Natasha pinned to your wall or something?”

Bucky must be a little too sleep-deprived to inhibit whatever expression he makes.  Not that Natasha isn’t beautiful, anyone can see that, but she’s definitely not his type.

“Oh ho ho!” Tony crows.  “So it’s Barton that has you pushing for all this inside info, huh?  Well, there’s no accounting for taste, but you could do worse.  He’s a great guy, under all that barely-contained disaster.”

“So they’re not … together-together?”

“Are you and Rogers?”  

Bucky makes a face, and Tony laughs.  “Well there you go.  Rumors aren’t always true.  Sometimes two people are just creepily-enmeshed codependent platonic BFFs.” 

[liminalpsych-in-teyvat]

Notes for A Matter of Duty - Chapter 16 - Mind the deluge

There was a grunt from the cell, and a flinch of shoulders, and water dripping— Thoma's heart tangled with his lungs in a hitch of breath and a stumbling rhythm. His searching gaze followed the droplets up, up, up to a ceiling slick with condensation, suffused with a subtle Hydro glow. No. No. He wouldn't.

I am three weeks behind schedule thanks to three weeks of no ADHD medication due to the shortage. Finally got back on it and managed to write the chapter but wow. I now understand why I didn't write prose fiction for so many years. Much harder to just force myself to write when I'm not properly medicated.

Anyway, apologies for the delay, and the next few chapters might be a little slower than usual because I have other deadlines. I'd hoped to have this all done before other project deadlines came looming, but then I lost three weeks and now… I get to try to do them simultaneously and I'm upset about it. I get 10 more days of fanfic writing and then I have to dive deep into other projects for a few weeks, so hopefully I'll get one more chapter out before then.

Thanks to: PancakeBeast for beta reading, the Hidden Akasha Records discord for putting up with my flailing, and my nesting partner Hrefna for the martial arts consult and references.

Notes and references:

Ayato's throw of Thoma is a fairly standard martial arts throw. Thoma probably expected it and tried to roll with it, but not quite quickly enough for how reactive Ayato was. (And Hrefna tested it out for me, and doing that particular throw doesn't exert much in the way of strain on the area where Ayato was injured.)

The cushions on the crate are a zabuton or zaniku (flat square cushion) and a zafu (round cushion).

The versatile tenugui makes another appearance, this time as onigiri wrapping.

Not really much else this time, actually. Lots of poking around the Genshin wiki and game images and that's about it.

Summary of the fic itself with content warnings, tags, etc so you can decide if you want to read it or not before you click on the link.

A Matter of Duty https://archiveofourown.org/works/47604337?view_full_work=true

A year after the death of Ayato and Ayaka's parents, the clan succession is contested from within and without. Kamisato Ayato will do anything—anything—to ensure the safety of his family and the stability of his clan.

But powerful supporters come at an unimaginable price. When Ayato's own sacrifices aren't enough, he is forced to involve Thoma in a web of intrigue and exploitation that will push them to the breaking points of their bodies, their minds, and their very hearts.

or: Kushiel's Dart meets Genshin Impact in a quick-scorch-to-slow-burn romantic drama of court intrigue, sexual politics, and sacrifice.

Note: Mind the tags. More specific content warnings will be given at the beginning of each chapter, and the story tags will be updated as needed. All characters in sex scenes are adults.

Rating: Explicit. It's porn with plot. Porn as a vehicle for plot, or plot as a vehicle for porn, you can interpret it either way. (I prefer: porn and plot as a vehicle for ~feels~)

Tags that I'm not actually turning into tags here, but it gives you an idea of what you're in for: Kamisato Ayato/Thoma (Genshin Impact), dubious consent but not between Ayato and Thoma, slow burn, sex ed, first time, self-sacrifice, humiliation, exhibitionism, oral sex, anal sex, bdsm, bad bdsm etiquette, rough sex, breath play, impact play, bondage, service kink, abuse, sadism, codependency, shame, guilt, jealousy, possessiveness, trauma, ptsd, dissociation, political sex work, or sex work for political maneuvering, or political survival sex work if that’s a thing, exploitation, blackmail, political machinations, political intrigue, no aftercare, maybe someday some aftercare, hurt/comfort, mostly hurt for a long time but eventually comfort, oblivious disaster gays, for such socially savvy people they are terrible at personal relationships, dominant Ayato, submissive Thoma, top Ayato, bottom Thoma, Ayato is incredibly parentified, Thoma has no sense of self-preservation, self-sacrifice isn't a contest but don't tell Ayato and Thoma that, it's like the snipe-the-check game at restaurants but with sex and politics, Kushiel's Impact, no really this was in my drafts for the longest time as Kusheline Thomato Fic, everyone's an adult in this timeline except Ayaka, she gets protected at all costs, original characters out of necessity, finding appropriate existing Inazuma npcs for some of these roles was impossible

Full fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47604337?view_full_work=true

Chapter 16 - Mind the deluge

There was a grunt from the cell, and a flinch of shoulders, and water dripping—

Thoma's heart tangled with his lungs in a hitch of breath and a stumbling rhythm. His searching gaze followed the droplets up, up, up to a ceiling slick with condensation, suffused with a subtle Hydro glow.

No. No. He wouldn't.

Chapter contains: nightmares, implied torture (mild), hurt/comfort.

[autisticburnham]

for the ship asks, pick any of these you feel compelled to talk abt!

mariner/boimler, mariner/t'lyn, t'lyn/tendi, tendi/rutherford, mariner/tendi, boimler/rutherford, mariner/ransom

I actually just answered Mariner/Boimler in the last ask!

Mariner/T'Lyn, I ship it

1. What made you ship it?

Empathalogical Fallacies!!!! Mariner being the one to figure out what was going on and knowing exactly what to say to make her feel better? It was wonderful and I hope we get to see more episodes with them paired up

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

Disaster girl x disaster girl my beloved ship dynamic. The ways they both struggle with emotionality pair together in such an interesting way, they could easily make each other better or make each other worse, but most likely will do both, and I'm so excited to see it happen

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on the ship?

I don't think so? I don't think the ship is popular enough to have established popular opinions about it. I will say I hope we get to see more of T'lyn supporting Mariner in the future- there's a pattern with fictional interracial relationships where the black character will provide all the emotional support for the nonblack character and get little to none in return. It's way too early to say that Mari'lyn falls into that, but I really, really hope it doesn't in the future

I'm gonna do all the others too, but under a readmore

T'lyn/Tendi, I'm gonna go with I don't ship it, though I used to

1. Why don't you ship it?

This is difficult to put into a dichotomy of do/don't ship it because I don't not ship it, it's just that my enthusiasm has definitely waned. I certainly wouldn't be mad or say it was out of character if they did get together, but it's not something that I'd describe myself as shipping anymore.

During the break between seasons 3 & 4 I was very excited about the little hand hold, but Tendi's enthusiasm and effort to become friends felt to me like she was ignoring T'lyn's boundaries. Which made it feel a little like the Tuvok/Neelix dynamic, a dynamic which I despise. Tendi/T'lyn certainly aren't that extreme, and it's clear that Tendi's gonna work on those boundary issues, but it was enough to put me off it for now.

2. What would have made you like it?

I still could very easily like it in the future, I just need to see more of Tendi respecting T'lyn's boundaries

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

It's certainly full of potential! Like I said, I could easily ship it in the future, and even as it is now, they clearly care about each other and have settled into a sweet friendship

Tendi/Rutherford, again, this is complicated. I don't ship it romantically, I think they should be in a QPR. So I'm gonna hesitantly go with I don't ship it

1. Why don't you ship it?

Parth Ferengi's Heart Place. They were so uncomfortable pretending to be a couple, and while you can certainly read that as "they both like each other and are nervous about the other one finding out," it very much read to me as "neither of them are interested in each other romantically, but they don't want to hurt the other by addressing that because they are so enmeshed in each other, they are partners, but discussing a romantic aspect to it could fuck it up."

2. What would have made you like it?

Again, I don't dislike it and I wouldn't be mad if they got together, but given my current reading of the characters, I think they work best as platonic partners

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

Yeah, I love their relationship! They're definitely codependent in an unhealthy way, but it's fascinating to watch

Mariner/Tendi, I have no easy opinions. I don't ship it anymore, but I used to

1. Why don't you ship it?

I was so hype for them for the first season or so, even before the show started. This was one of the first promotional images for the show

and I was immediately like "The girls are looking at each other? Lesbians💚❤️" And I drew fanart for them during the break between seasons 1 & 2, but over time my enthusiasm for them has really waned, just because we don't ever see them together by themselves. When they are together, it's part of the group, so I don't have a concrete dynamic to hold on to for them. And I can only be excited about a dynamic that only exists in my head for so long

2. What would have made you like it?

Seeing them together!

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I love them! I just need more of them!

Boimler/Rutherford, I don't ship it

1. Why don't you ship it?

Like above, we just don't see enough of them together. I can see a version of them I would, but that version doesn't exist in the show as of yet

2. What would have made you like it?

Same as above, seeing them together.

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

We do have a bit more of them together than with Tendi/Mariner bc they hung out together while the girls went on their trip with T'lyn, so I will say little fucking freaks (complimentary) about their Mark Twain bit

Mariner/Ransom, I don't ship it

1. Why don't you ship it?

While most of the time I don't have a problem with trek ships of different ranks because most characters are pretty chill about it, they've made it clear Ransom is Mariner's direct superior, so I'm not personally comfortable shipping it. I'm also not overly fond of mentor/mentee ships, which they're starting to fall into. I don't think there's anything wrong with shipping it or anything, it's just not for me.

2. What would have made you like it?

I don't think I could. The entire structure of their relationship puts me off from reading it romantically. I guess I could like it in a fucked up watching a car crash way.

3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I really like the growing friendship they have, and they clearly have fun together, even if that fun mostly consists of pissing each other off

[goddesspharo]

Thanks to @anretc for the tag! This was fun!

Rules: give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and finally the fic with the least words.

Most hits: deflect and absorb (Jurassic World; Claire Dearing/Owen Grady)

"You know me: act first, think later." It's not like he expected them to hop off that island and go at it like unsupervised teens at summer camp, but at this rate, they're a board game and bingo night away from becoming his grandparents.

Second-most kudos: edges that scratch (The Man From U.N.C.L.E.; Illya Kuryakin/Gaby Teller)

"Illya has been trained not to have a heart to break." Illya's body is sizzling like a live wire and he wants nothing more than to electrocute her.

Third most comments: give a little, get a little (The Batman (2022); Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne)

"Maybe I have a wealthy benefactor," Vengeance says with a smirk like this is Great Expectations and Miss Havisham is in the business of funding a vigilante's quest for societal reform. Selina has never seen a flame that she hasn't wanted to pass her hand through.

Fourth most bookmarks: sharp teeth (Jurassic World;  Claire Dearing/Owen Grady)

Who makes a backup plan when playing God? Claire spent seven years moving up the food chain of a now-extinct closed system.

Fifth most words: turn your shattered dreams into rhapsodies (Roswell New Mexico; Isobel Evans/Kyle Valenti)

"Surely there are easier ways to convince me to take my shirt off than joining a support group." What if in playing God they bring back the Devil? (If Max hadn't tried to be the hero, Isobel wouldn't have developed a codependency on her former murder victim's secret half-brother.)

Least words: where all the ladders start (Jurassic World; Claire Dearing/Owen Grady)

Build the world (that was) (that is) (that should never have been) on the tops of amber mountains. In the event of a disaster, run.

What I have learned is that apparently in the summer of 2015, the only thing I cared about was Jurassic World (in my defense, dinosaurs! Bryce Dallas Howard's severe bob and all-white Goop ensemble! Chris Pratt not being the most annoying Chris back then!), then posted very sporadically on ao3 (mostly old stuff and maybe one Rogue One fic) for years, picked it back up after The Batman came out, and now I only write about goofballs trying to break Mach 10.

Tagging anyone else who wants to feel the burning shame that comes from the walk down hyper-fixation lane.

[your-turn-to-role]

I started watching C1 recently (because of tlovm), and I just wanted to tell you I love your posts about the twins. idk I love the twins A LOT, easily my top two favorite characters of vox machina (but I do love all of them v much). there's a certain sort of depth and angst with a lot of issues about them that I like, and so while percy probably is considered the most angsty as he was very outwardly a walking disaster, the twins were too, just a lot more subtly. it wasn't really hidden in any sense, but unlike percy, it's not as in your face. it adds a certain kind of complexity that it feels like makes you think, plus I love their dynamic with their glaring codependency that's interesting to explore too.

idk where I'm going here, but I just love the twins a lot and I enjoy seeing and reading from someone who I feel seems to adore the twins as much as I do. you have lots of really good and interesting metas about them.

also your insane c1 knowledge that I feel like you just know off the top of your head is just cool

thank you! honestly the entire quartet of percy and the half elves are my favourite characters, and i've written a lot about all of them, but yeah, twins are very close to my heart

and yeah, the knowledge is just the autism, i never get bored of my favourite stories and my brain likes to stockpile information about the things i like, so i have lost count of the number of times i've rewatched c1 😂

cr's also very good for that bc there's just so much content, like you've got all whatever it is, 400hrs? of campaign one, plus all the talks machinas, plus the one shots and the official character playlists and the comics and the book and now tlovm, there's nothing with these characters that's really left unexplored, you can really dig so hard into how they think and act and feel and their relationships with each other

and it makes character analysis of them so fun bc there's just so many places you can go for parallels and contrasts and little lines that you don't realise until much later how much they'll mean

[quicktimeeventfull]

Beyond for the meme?

thank you for asking!! beyond birthday is my bff & i think of him every second of my life so. lots of thoughts. 

sexuality headcanon: for some reason the idea of beyond being straight is really hilarious to me so it’s kind of my default. i feel like him being … literally anything else makes more sense but this is where my brain has decided to settle. humour-based sexuality. 

otp: beymisa owns my whole heart. what’s better than two codependent disasters being codependent together. also, Lxlightxbeyondxmisa is my beloved niche polyship. 

brotp: for canon-based situations, A. moving into aus, i’m really into L and B being friends in some capacity or possibly actually literally brothers. 

notp: i can see the appeal, but naomi & beyond just do not click for me personally.

first headcanon that pops into my head: i think he was lying about liking akazukin chacha. i like writing & reading his love of anime & manga in fics and such, but i don’t buy it as a component of canon. in general, i think like 90% of what we see of beyond in the book is fabricated.

favourite line from this character: ‘if only i could see the death of the world.’ it’s got the exact kind of weirdness and silliness and drama that he & that book do so well. (extremely close second: the ‘i have never been submissive, even to a traffic light.’) 

one way in which i relate to this character: irl i feel like i have a weirdly similar manner of speech (in like, rhythm, not so much in content thankfully.)

thing that gives me secondhand embarrassment about this character: every single aspect of beyond is completely mortifying but i’m going to give the #1 ‘i want to cry when i think about this’ award to his (failed) attempts to act suave when he overhead naomi saying he was weird and uncool. 

cinnamon roll or problematic fave: he is by all objective standards a problematic fave but he is a cinnamon roll in my heart. 

[crones-trash]

Y'all know I have a fascination w books in the hands of people I follow on IG. The other day in her Insta feed, Aarika presented an open book.

Naturally, I zoomed in to see what I could be read.

Naturally, I felt sad about the sweet beauty not having found someone worthy of having an affair w/ her.

Then today Google proved its worth when I searched for "book with chapter title "A Love Affair with Yourself" & got the answer.

CODEPENDENT NO MORE

A couple of quotes from the blurb on the site stood out to me:  "...codependency—the concept of losing oneself in the name of helping another..." Damn. I've done that. Also, "Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to a loved one’s self-destructive behavior, you may be codependent."

After the disaster that was my second marriage, I didn't date anyone again for 6 years! Despite having a couple of years of therapy, it took that long for me to feel like risking my heart again.

Anyway, spin this new insight into Aarika's state of mind any way you please.

[grollow]

The most delicious thing about RedSky!Grimm is just how attached he is to the swarm despite the fact that he’s so scared of that. Theyre his and he adores them and want their company and comfort but if they get a smidge too close he panics because that’s not good. He’s just. So full of this avoidant yet almost codependent nature that’s so so good and also so very human in a way.

My favorite thing about LivingDead!Grimm is that he’s just such a mess. A flirty mess constantly going through the shredder and yet still making a dirty joke while he’s bleeding out. He is the rotgirl ever.

sdgnkjdgs the Nightmare Heart in Living Dead is just Red Sky!Grimm in a funny mustache, pay no attention to the clown behind the curtain tbh.

I like them both and they are both very radically different because one of them is "I am one, I am all" and the other is "I am a mess in a physical form." I very heavily associated the song "Ever After" by Marianas Trench with Living Dead:

I could be your perfect disaster You could be my ever after

That's mostly because Living Dead is definitely intended to be a "haha what" romance (written by someone who is mostly aro and so my idea of what is romantic is probably not what most people's is, but I still love that fic).

Red Sky is, by contrast, more meant to showcase the interactions between the people involved in it. The Troupe are major characters and they should be. I wanted to explore all kinds of different relationships in Red Sky. My favorite interaction in Red Sky is absolutely Reed & Grimm's, though it'll be a long time before you see him in the actual fic (funnily enough, he debuted in W&G long before he debuted in Red Sky).

I'm super musically oriented, so Red Sky also has songs I associate. Of the two stories, you'd think Living Dead would be the darker one, but the beginning parts of Red Sky have the unique property of having The Most Graphic Thing I've Ever Written -- I say beginning but I really mean the first 100k words, I expect it to be triple that when it's done because thing's long.

The song I mostly associate with Red Sky is "Swallow" by Emilie Autumn (although I also love "Fight Like A Girl" and "Shalott") because of this section:

I don't want to be a legend Oh, well that's a goddamned lie, I do To say I do this for the people I admit is hardly true You tell me everything's all right As though it's something you've been through You think this torment is romantic Well it's not, except to you

sfkjsdkgj this turned out to be me just rambling forever about my fics, oops. I'm really excited to get to the mirror chapters of Red Sky, where it's the same one as in W&G but told from Grimm's perspective. I think those will be some of the most interesting in the story. But they are also at the end ._.

And then there's the sequel to both which is just my own self-indulgence that I may or may not post if I can ever actually write it and not just have scenes and snips. Brain, give me cohesion, please.

[nonbayanary]

Hello how are you? I have a curiosity that I would like to ask. I see you putting up a lot of fanfic content about hiruma or thoughts you have from his point of view. I would like to know if you have more material like this regarding Sena (which is basically me asking for sena fanservic hahaha).

HI SALI HI SALI HI SALI!!!! I'm doing okay, thank you for asking! Life may be giving us lemons, but it's lemon juice time yoooo!!!!

I'd just like to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being so supportive, even from the start. If I'm not wrong, I've first gotten to know you from your comment on my fic, I think.

And since then, I've always been absolutely THRILLED to hear from you! Whether it's in the Discord chat, an ask, a comment, a reblog, or a reply, I always feel a surge of joy when I read your words! I'd just like to say that I absolutely LOOOOVEEEE your ideas! I bask in your creative prompts and your kind words, and I'm always so happy to see you having a fun time.

Okay, now onto your ask! Tbh this has been rotating in my head for months now, and I'm really sorry to say that I don't have a lot on Sena alone. I do have, however, these:

Sena with Pitt headcanons (which I think you may have seen already. I honestly wrote this for you, Sali, after receiving this ask.)

Sena with BPD (and a little sprinkle of anger issues)

AND ALSO I HAVE THIS DRAFT BELOW!!!

Here's some BAMF Sena for you! He kills a man and saves Hiruma in the process!

At first, I was supposed to put that in the fic "The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known." But I had second thoughts about it since it might be too graphic and too violent.

So this idea was relegated to another fic in my drafts. I don't know if I'll write it, but the main idea is that:

Hiruma's parents and Sena's parents are still friends, and they're the godparents of each other's children

But THIS TIME, Sena and Hiruma (or Little Ichii) met as kids and were playmates.

Basically a HiruSena childhood friends AU!

But it gets absolutely dark, because Sena's parents die.

Since Hiruma's parents, Yoshiko and Yuuya, are Sena's godparents, and they don't want him to suffer in the foster system, they adopt him

So Sena starts living with the Hiruma family. He grows closer to Hiruma (aka Little Ichii), so much that Sena starts copying some traits from the Hiruma family as well.

In this AU, Sena starts parroting what the adults say, so he starts swearing now too. He still looks like a tiny little angel outside, but he's got such a fucking mouth on him

Sena and Hiruma get into lots of trouble. Hence, they're called "The Disaster Duo" by some adults. Some people even go so far as to call them "The Disaster Twins" bcs they're both cute little balls of mischief

So there's a huge contrast between canon!Sena and this AU's Sena. This Sena is more of a troublemaker, and he and Hiruma are a badass duo.

Sena still runs fast, since he was still bullied before the Hirumas adopted him. But now, he stands up for himself bcs of Yoshiko and Yuuya's influence on him. And if Sena can't stand up for himself, Hiruma (aka Little Ichii) is always protective of his little Sena.

Yes, Hiruma considers Sena as his. And he gets mad possessive of Sena sometimes, as the two become even more codependent.

Of course, it all goes downhill when Yoshiko dies. Yuuya becomes depressed and has to work all day to feed the two children, and Little Ichii "blackens" into Hiruma Youichi, The Devil.

But this time, Sena is here to witness it all.

When Little Ichii starts gambling in shoddy casinos to secretly help his father earn money, he brings Sena with him.

So when Hiruma inevitably wins against the adults, and the adults come after him to take their money back, Sena is out there running beside Hiruma

Sena gets beaten into the ground just as Hiruma does, and thus, Sena too "blackens" as well.

From a bright-eyed youngling, Sena too turns into a distrustful and secretive teenager. His gaze is as dark as Hiruma's, and just as observant.

This Sena is a wolf in sheep's clothing. He uses his outward appearance as a tiny and skinny boy to mask the darkness within him.

Hiruma is both bark and bite.

Sena, on the other hand, rarely barks. But when this little wolf bites, he draws blood. He may be small, but he has fucking teeth on him, sharp as needles.

Due to Hiruma's influence, this Sena also wears piercings. While Hiruma has hoop earrings on his lobe, Sena has loop earrings on his helix, to match Hiruma.

After all these years, they still go by "The Disaster Twins." In the streets, they're known as The Devil and his Wraith.

For Sena walks like a ghost, silent and unseen.

Okay so uhhh I confess, in this AU, it's still HiruSena. So while Sena may have been adopted by the Hiruma family, Sena and Hiruma don't see each other as brothers. Their level of affection transcends that shit.

They love each other platonically and romantically. What are "soulmates" to any other definition? And that's what they are. Star-crossed. Brought together by fate. Destined. Two peas in a pod. Yin and yang.

The Maou Trio become The Maou Four instead (which Hiruma loves, because in Japan, "four" is the number of death and all that). Sena may be younger, but Hiruma blackmailed the school staff to let Sena skip a grade, so he can stay by Hiruma's side.

So fast forward to the present, Hiruma and Sena are still hypervigilant teenagers who get into trouble. And this time, they both almost get killed for it.

Because this time, the attacker is one of sena's and hiruma's past abusers. This guy is one of the people who chased after hiruma and sena all those years ago in the shoddy gambling dens. this guy would hurt a child just to get back the money he gambled away.

years ago, when hiruma became The Devil, he pulled some strings to put this guy in jail. but now, this guy is back, and he's out for blood. specifically, he's out for hiruma's and sena's blood.

sena has tried all these years not to physically hurt anyone (outside of the amefuto pitch at least), in memory of his parents' teachings.

sena's parents always taught him to be kind. but well, sena is presented with a choice. if he doesn't hurt this attacker, hiruma will get stabbed. and if sena hurts this attacker, then he disobeys his dead parents. he tarnishes their memory.

and well... sena chooses.

Okay so uhhhhh that wasn't entirely Sena-centric, and now that I think about it, I think I write more of Hiruma, since he's my blorbo.

I do, however, have some other thoughts about Sena, which is this: "If Sena wore statement shirts, what would the print on them be?" And this is what I've compiled so far:

Okay so now I'm just rummaging through my messy, half-baked notes, and I've also got this: an AU of The God of Arepo.

In this one, Sena is a god, and Hiruma is his believer.

And lastly, here's another draft of a Lesbian Monsterfucker HiruSena fic that's been cooking in my brain. This part is mostly an analysis of fem!Sena, if she were to be a vampire/monster.

I think if fem!Sena were a vampire/monster, and she needed to feed, she would drink the bare minimum of blood, because she won't want to hurt people. I'm sure her friends and loved ones would want to offer her blood, because they don't want her to starve to death.

But Sena would lie to them, and take the smallest amount of blood from them she can get away with. Of course, this would be to the detriment of her health. But, even as a vampire/monster, Sena would still have a self-sabotaging streak a mile wide.

I hope these were satisfactory to your tastes, yo! I'm really sorry, I don't write a lot of Sena if Hiruma isn't part of the context. If you want some HiruSena fanservice, I've got lots, but I'm lacking in Sena-only fanservice content, I'm sorry to say.

Still though, I hope you had a fun time reading these! Sena is such a dynamic character. He's like clay to me: very fun to morph into different versions of himself. I hope we get more HiruSena fics in the future, bcs Sena's just such an absolute delight to read!

P.S. Your idea of a long-haired Sena with piercings has been cooking in my mind now, rotating itself in my head like rotisserie chicken. And I've got to say, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT, SALI!!!

I've been meaning to make art of it for awhile now, but I'm sorry to say that I haven't gotten around to it yet. But oh man, I LOVE IT!!! When I get around to drawing it one of these days, I'll tag you in the post! AAAAAAAAAAAAA YOUR IDEAS ARE ALWAYS CHEFS KISS!!!!

Thank you again for the ask, Sali! It's really heartwarming to see that you appreciate my ideas, and that you're checking in on me. Thank you, thank you, thank you for that! It really means so much to me.

You really are a wonderful ray of light, and I'm so very glad that I met you. Having you as a friend makes the HiruSena fandom experience so much better, and I'm very grateful to hear your ideas and to read your words.

Thank you again, Sali. I hope you have a great day today! Good luck at work, go kick your workload's ass, queen!

[concerthopperblog]

A Tour To Live Forever: Perelandra, Valoria, Calamity, Dance In Disarray & Fractured Fortune Live @ The Montage Music Hall

Perelandra has announced they will go on tour for a few select dates. They will be supported by Valoria, Gone Cold (on select dates), Calamity, Fractured Fortune, and Dance In Disarray. This is a special show for Perelandra and their guests in their hometown. The Montage Music Hall slowly filled up with many friends and family members of the bands, anticipating their performance. Just seeing the love thrown around the place before the show even started was a great thing to witness.

Dance In Disarray is a 4-piece metalcore band from Rochester, NY. The band released their very first EP Vestiges last year after releasing 2 singles titled “Codependency” & “Within Reason.” I couldn’t find much history on the band since they are still new to the scene, but let us see what they have to offer on stage. The band opened the show with a bang, performing newer singles like "Codependency." Each song they played brought an electric energy, getting the fans pumped for what was coming up next. Personally, I loved the dynamic vocal changes and the powerful bass that really made the set stand out.

Fractured Fortune is a rising force in the world of metalcore music. Comprising of five talented musicians, Andrew, Damon, Kevin, Zach & Dante. This dynamic band is making waves with its unique sound and captivating performances. With a collection of powerful singles such as “Malevolence” & “Cruella de Vil” & an impressive EP, Fractured Fortune is steadily carving its path to success in the music industry. These guys showed up ready to play, this was my first time seeing my friends in Fractured Fortune play live. Singer Andrew was full of energy jumping around on stage screaming his heart out, while his fiancé and close friends were at the barricade singing the lyrics right back at him. Kevin understood the assignment for the night as well, closer to the end of their set, I saw him throw his guitar around his shoulder and perfectly catch it, going back to playing the band’s music. Fractured Fortune ended the night by playing a few songs, one track was “Malevolence” while Justin from Perelandra joined them on stage. They also played a new song called “Tangents” to close out their set.

Calamity began creating music in 2022 and released singles "Titanic" & "Embers" before dropping their first EP, Colorblind, in 2023. This year, Calamity released another single, "Lose Everything." The band experienced some technical difficulties due to an error made by a staff member at the venue. Despite not having tracks and dealing with malfunctioning microphones, each band member put their heart into their performance. The fans showed incredible support for Calamity, with enthusiastic participation including grabbing the mic and moshing. It was amazing to see the fans go all out, recognizing the hard work that Calamity put into making the show happen.

Valoria's music offers a unique blend of nostalgic "Emo" music combined with soulful jazz vocals. The band debuted with the single "Wanderers" in 2022, which rapidly gained popularity, amassing over 20,000 streams. After immersing myself in the band's music ahead of their upcoming performance, it became evident why they were capturing the attention and admiration of music enthusiasts within the scene. These guys had a crazy start after a major disaster, but the locals rallied together and got a backup ready just in time. The lead singer of Perelandra hopped on stage to update the fans, and once Valoria started playing, they blew me away. The passion and energy they brought to the performance was unreal guitarist Justin whipped out a saxophone and took the show to a whole new level!

Perelandra, a band that emerged onto the music scene in late 2022, is rapidly gaining popularity for its blend of post-hardcore and metalcore sounds. Under the management of Pin Up Management, the band has released 3 EPs, the latest being Searching For Separation. Their music draws attention and establishes Perelandra as a significant presence in the industry. When Perelandra took the stage, I could tell they would give it their all based on their interactions with their fans, both on and off stage. At one point during their performance, I noticed that their bassist walked off the stage; I'm not entirely sure, but I think he was playing in the crowd, which made the show feel more personal. Then came another surprise: I was facing the other direction, and when I turned around, I saw that Andrew from Fractured Fortune had joined Perelandra on stage to sing “Autopilot Override.”

Make sure to check these guys out when you can. If you want to learn more about Fractured Fortune, check out our exclusive interview with Andrew Laffan coming soon! Stay connected and updated on Concert Hopper's exciting journey through our Instagram and Facebook pages. Prepare to be the first to know about the most popular concerts and events. Don't miss out on the excitement – become a part of the Concert Hopper community and gear up for an unforgettable music experience. Get ready to jump into the heart of the action with Concert Hopper!