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dreamdepot · 6 months ago

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Dreams of the Kingdom - Chapter 9: Moonshot

Edited 7/9/2024 - Updated chapter navigation links

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On the road to Gerudo, you come across the strangest band of soldiers, claiming to be on a special mission... to the moon.

AO3 Wattpad or below the break!

(Unfortunately, internet trouble delayed my corrections to earlier chapter posts, so I will get to them as soon as I have a more stable connection.)

“AAAHHHH!!!” You screamed. You bolted upright in your tent in a cold sweat.

“What’s wrong?” Link said, bursting into the tent. He ran over mid-bath, hair soaked and towel around his waist. “Was it the dream again?”

You gulped down air, trying to get your heart to slow down. “No. It was a dream, but not that one.” Link gave you an inquisitive look. “It was awful! I lived in this crappy shack in the middle of nowhere. One day I end up finding this magic pool, but then this creeper called Mr. Rupee appeared and took all my money! Then he turned me into a Tingle – whatever the hell THAT is – and made me work for him!”

Link blinked slowly. “Okay, no more crepes before bed.”

“I had one, you had five.”

“It’s called bulking,” Link said, puffing up his bare chest. “You don’t expect me to take on the Demon King without plenty of energy, right?” You had to admit, he was looking bigger in all the right spots.

“Go finish your bath, show-off,” you said, throwing a blanket at him. “I’ll be fine.”

He, of course, caught the blanket without a problem. “Seriously [Y/n], you need to take it easy. You haven’t slowed down since… well, since you woke up a century in the future. These dreams might be a way for your body to want you to rest.”

“Sidon said the same thing, but I can’t. Even if the dreams are meaningless – which we know they aren’t if I was dreaming about the Demon King!” You snorted. “I can’t rest, not until we know all of our people are safe.”

Link took your hand. “We won’t stop, just slow down a little bit. Running ourselves into the ground isn’t going to help anyone. And maybe we could spend some time just to ourselves?”

“Easier said than done,” you groaned.

“Hey, we promised we’d be there for each other, no matter where our adventures take us. You lean on me, and I lean on you.”

“You’re right.” You couldn’t help the little smile. “Actually, Link… I’ve been thinking about these dreams. One of them was about a monster at a palace in the sky, and then I got that weird rock on the Stormwind Ark from Colgera. Then, I had this dream of transporting this strange ore that couldn’t be out in daylight without melting, and then we found another rock in the Central Mine in the Depths. I think these dreams are leading us places, but I don’t know why. Doesn’t help that the other weird rock I found with the Yiga in the Depths still makes no sense either.”

Link thought for a moment, sitting next to you on the bedroll. “Do you think that, uh, ‘Mr. Rupee’ is a sign?”

“No, pretty sure that one is just me having a random nightmare.” You explained each of the other dreams to Link in as much detail as you could recall, all the while combing his hair and braiding it back through his favorite hair band. “Some of them seem pretty clear, like the one with the Gorons probably has something to do with Death Mountain, and the one with the Arbiter’s Grounds probably means we should stop by on our trip to Gerudo Town. But the others? I’m not so sure.”

Link nodded. “That first one could be the Deku Tree, but then again, maybe not. Then that one where you were a Zora… does that mean we have to go to the moon?”

“Hope not,” You thought some more. “It’s also weird, that it showed me different versions of you – or maybe heroes of the past? The other people I watch from though… they feel wrong. It’s not me, like I’m just watching through their eyes.”

“Sounds like someone wants to get you a message. Not sure what a bunch of rocks means but must be something important.”

“That’s not all.” You took a deep breath. “Ganondorf… spoke to me. He said that I was a puppet and that he wasn’t the only one pulling the strings. Do you think…”

“I think,” Link said, “Ganondorf is trying to get you to second guess everything. But I doubt he’d want to send you on a random goose chase.”

You groaned and fell back on the bedroll. Link took the opportunity to lie next to you. “Hey, how about you just stay with me for a bit.”

You wriggled as he wrapped his arms around you. “You’re soaking wet.”

“Don’t care,” he snickered. “You’re trapped, your majesty. No escaping from me now.”

“Nooo…” you weakly protested as Link pulled you in tight, trapped against him. “Couldn’t you at least dry off? It’s cold!”

“Too bad. Come on, let your knight take care of you.” Link captured your lips in a deep kiss. His hands traveled down your back as he gently laid you down on the bedroll, trapped under him. “I think you’ve got to many clothes on, my love.”

“Link…”

“Just let go and relax for a bit. No one’s gonna be upset we stayed in bed a little longer this morning.”

Just as things were starting to warm up, you were interrupted by voices outside. “One! Two, three, four-and-one! Two, three, four-and-one!”

“Link,” you said, tapping his shoulder. The swordsman growled, burying his face into your neck instead. “Come on, my love.”

The squeaky voice outside sounded closer. “And company… halt! This is the perfect place for us to launch to the moon!”

Both of you froze. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Link grumbled. He tossed on some clothes.

You, meanwhile, poked your head out of the tent, coming face to face with a group of Koroks. The apparent leader held a makeshift flag made of a stick and some leaves while the others worked together to carry a Zonai fan. “Uh… Link? You might want to see this.”

The Korok leader spun around. “Ack! There’s not supposed to be anyone watching us! We’ll have to leave, this is important work – secret work!”

A still-disheveled Link poked his head out too and just stared, speechless. You fished for words. “Um, who are you, and why do you need our campsite?”

“Oh, well, um…” the Korok muttered embarrassed, before returning to his more bombastic tone. “My name is Captain Hollo, and I’m the commander of the Korok Space Program! These are my hard-working rocket builders.”

The four Koroks following him waved and simultaneously said “Hi!”

You looked to Link, who shrugged. “So… why do you want to go to moon exactly?”

“That is classified information! Now if you’ll excuse us, attention, company! March!”

The other Koroks responded with a hearty “Yes sir!”

The adorable battalion turned about-face, still holding the Zonai fan. “Perhaps, we could help?” Link offered, giving you a look that asked for help of his own.

“Halt!” Captain Hollo spun around and waddled up to the two of you. “You volunteer to help us?”

“Well, Sir Link is a high-ranking officer in the Grand Hylian Army, and I am the Prince…” you said. “So, perhaps you could see it as our duty to ensure the Korok Space Program is successful?”

“Really? Ya ha ha!” Hollo said, bouncing for joy. He then froze. “I mean… ahem. That would be greatly appreciated. The Korok Space Program thanks you!”

==============================

The first step was to convince them to move somewhere reasonably safe and far from any people, so after clearing out some monsters (and two Yiga hideouts), you brought the Koroks and their gear up to the Great Plateau, just north of the Eastern Abbey. The wide flat area made the perfect launchpad.

The Koroks immediately set to building their first prototype – a log with several fans attached. That went about as well as expected.

��I’m surprised it got as far as it did,” you muttered, looking at the wooden missile now firmly lodged in one of the old buildings of Outpost Ruins.

“Didn’t really have a way to fly though,” Link added.

Captain Hollo wasn’t fazed. “That’s okay! We found plenty of other devices!” His team started bringing capsule after capsule of Zonai devices to the launch pad.

“How?!” Link asked.

“We found a funny statue that if you put stuff in, it gives us these!” He held up one, holding a steering stick. “Ooo, this one’s even a bit of a rare pull!”

“Oh no,” you murmured quietly, paling as you recognized some of the other capsules as beam emitters and time bombs.

==============================

The next few hours were spent trying not to get flattened by failed machines.

Prototype two was at least more aerodynamic, as they discovered the Wing device. Unfortunately, they decided more wings meant better flight and tied about ten of them together. This one barely got off the ground, much to your relief.

Prototype three was more understandable: a single wing, a steering stick and a fan. However, the Koroks thought that to better get it in the air, they should use springs. Needless to say, about two seconds later, you were carrying the Koroks and sprinting to cover as the aircraft flung backwards towards you. The machine sprang over you, bounced off a stray Aerocuda, and off the edge of the plateau. You hoped what you heard after that was not the crunch of wood from it landing on top of the nearby stable.

The next rocket was rather… phallic. That said, Koroks didn’t exactly know what those were (unless you counted the one time with Link after the Trial of the Sword), so you were willing to give them a pass. This time they actually used rockets, but decided more firepower was better so they (unfortunately) slapped two time bombs on as well. The results were explosive. The poor Bokoblin that got too close was launched all the way to Lake Hylia. As for the rest of the rocket, most of it was destroyed, with only the tip flying high into the sky and far across Hyrule – narrowly missing Farosh on its daily flight.

Test rocket after test rocket, prototype after prototype. It was late evening by the time that the Koroks finally seemed to run out of steam. Several of them had fallen asleep in your lap as the latest prototype exploded on the makeshift launchpad. Captain Hollo began to cry. “Why… why can’t we get it to work?”

“Hey, hey, that’s okay,” you said, patting the little spirit on the back. “Just gotta keep trying, right?”

“But we’re running out of ti-i-ime!” Captain Hollo had moved on to all-out sobbing. You gave him a handkerchief and held him gently. “The Deku Tree needs us!”

Link immediately zeroed in on that. “Hey, what do you mean? Is the Deku Tree in trouble?”

The Korok blew his nose – which to be honest, you weren’t sure how that worked biologically speaking. “He… he’s very sick. Our stories always said that a Moon’s Tear could heal anything, so we need to get the Moon’s Tear to save him!”

You didn’t have the heart to tell him that the last Moon Tear anyone had seen in centuries was probably the one in your dream. “What kind of sickness?”

“It’s like he can’t breathe. He has trouble talking, and there’s this nasty fog he coughs up. The other Koroks don’t move anymore. The forest is frozen…”

“That sounds like gloom sickness,” Link said. “There’s probably an easier cure than a Moon Tear. Gonna need a lot of Sundelions.”

“We’ll help you, but first we should go see the Deku Tree ourselves,” you said.

“But you can’t!” Captain Hollo sniffled. “The Deku Tree created a magic barrier so no one can get into the woods. Even if you could fly, the barrier wouldn’t let you in from the sky.”

“So, if not from the sky or the surface, what about underground?” Link mused.

Captain Hollo was confused. “You’re going to dig?”

“Not quite,” you said. “Are there any really big holes in the Korok Woods?”

“Nuh-uh,” the other Koroks said, though one added, “Just the Deku Tree’s tummy.”

You winced. “That does make things a bit tougher.”

“We’ve got a way around it,” Link said. “Or, I guess I do.”

“Without using Ascend myself, I won’t be able to follow you to the Korok Woods.” You frowned. “I guess that leaves us with no choice.”

You could see Link’s jaw clench. “I don’t like leaving you when it’s so dangerous…”

“I can take care of myself, promise.” Link nodded, but he wasn’t pleased. You wanted to ask more, but not with the Koroks there. You took his hands in yours. “Link, I’m not going to go anywhere too dangerous, and even I’m not crazy enough to try going into Gerudo Desert without backup. I’ll go and check on the others and Zelda’s house. Meet you in Hateno, okay?”

Link turned your words over in his head. There seemed to be a lot he wanted to say, but given present company, he didn’t seem ready to talk about it. “Okay, just please be safe.”

“You have my word as a royal. You’ll get no crazy stunts from me.”

“Yeah, you better not,” he said with a slight laugh. He then turned to the Koroks. “It’s too dangerous for you to follow [Y/n] or me. What will you do?”

The Koroks huddled for a moment. Captain Hollo then turned and cleared his throat. “We’d like to keep play- I mean researching these machines!” He said, with a hearty nod from his squad. “We’re going to keep researching over by the big town on the lake with all the pretty trees.”

“Big town on the lake… oh, you mean Tarrey Town? Just be careful, okay?” The last thing you wanted was a stray rocket hitting one of the houses.

You took out your Purah Pad, when you felt a tug at your pant leg. “Wait, Mr. Prince sir!” Captain Hollo said. “This is for you. This is what gave us the idea to search for the Moon Tear. It fell out of the sky! Isn’t it pretty? Since we won’t need it for the Deku Tree, we want you to have it!”

He handed you another of the strange bronze rocks. This time however, the pull of energy was much stronger. Then, your pack started to vibrate. You pulled out the other two similar rocks, which glowed ever so slightly at being near the other. You then felt a tingle of energy shoot up your arm. That’s when it all made sense. “Link, do you know what this is?”

“Another rock?”

You could hardly contain your excitement. “They’re pieces of the Triforce! Look!” You held out your hand, showing how your mark began to glow in response to the pieces. “The Palace of Winds, the Central Mine, and now the ‘Moon Tear’? My dreams have to be leading us to them! This has to be the way we’ll beat Ganondorf, once and for all!”

Link brightened, seeing how the pieces pulsed. “This is amazing! But, why are you dreaming about the Triforce?”

“No idea, but at this point, it’s a blessing. If we can reassemble the Triforce, we could get rid of Ganondorf, bring back Zelda, and rebuild Hyrule!”

“One thing at a time,” Link said. He then frowned. “Promise me you’re not going to go off looking on your own.”

You paused and dropped your voice to a whisper. “Link, where is this coming from? You’ve never been this… protective. I’m a warrior like you, I’m not made of glass.”

“I’m sorry, I know, I know!” He sighed. “I’m just… with everything going on, I don’t want anything happening to you.”

“I’ll be okay, but I need you to trust me Link. I can handle myself, just like I have before and just like I trust you to fight when you need to.”

Link softened, pulling you into a hug. “I trust you. I know you could kick any monster’s ass – you could probably slay a Lynel with a toothpick. I’ve just been really in my own head lately.”

“I promise, it’s just going to be straight to Kakariko, and then onward to Hateno. No Triforce pieces without you, and definitely no more Phantom Ganons if I can help it.” You gave him a kiss. “You be safe too, alright?”

“Of course. I love you, my Prince.”

“And I love you, my knight. I’ll see you soon.” With that, you tapped the Sheikah Slate and teleported away.

==============================

You landed at Dueling Peaks Stables, not far from Kakariko Village. It was getting dark, but you figured you could still make the hike before the moon was too high in the sky. Thankfully you weren’t alone; the shining form of the Light Dragon passed above you.

Seeing the Light Dragon again made your stomach twist, though you still couldn’t place why. This time, however, was accompanied by a sharp pain in your head, stronger than before. You stopped for a moment and looked around to see if anything had changed. Thankfully, the mountain path was the same as it ever was. “Ugh… maybe I’ll need to rest a bit longer than I planned.” You continued the climb up the hill, rubbing the side of your head. Kakariko was only a short walk away, and a rest at the inn and some of Trissa’s home cooking sounded perfect.

==============================

You stood atop a cliff overlooking the familiar sight of Gerudo Desert. The harsh winds carried the searing sand during the day, and a freezing chill at night, but now it was sunset, the rare moment the winds carried peace and comfort instead of the promise of death to the unprepared. The cool air was especially nice for you too as you wore only light clothing. It was clearly Gerudo clothing but not like any you had seen before. It was more ornamental, dyed in a rich wine red and jade green, and you wore various golden jewelry, most notably an ornate gold choker and topaz earrings. You took a deep breath, enjoying how the wind seemed to embrace you.

Again, you felt like a passenger in this dream, but unlike the previous dreams where it felt like you were in someone else’s skin, this felt oddly right. Even the memories of this life melding in your head felt comfortable and not unnatural like before.

Were you finally dreaming of a past you? If there were other Links and Zeldas and Ganondorf, was it crazy to think there may have been another you as well?

On your wrist was one thing that didn’t fit with the rest of your ensemble: a simple bracelet with a leather strap and wooden beads. Taking a look around to make sure you were alone, you untied the bracelet and turned the beads, revealing carefully carved holes. You blew into it, playing a song that echoed around the cliffs.

A cry answered back as a hawk dove and landed on your arm. It preened and clicked its beak. “Yes, I know, you’ll have your treat,” you laughed. You fed it a chunk of meat. While it happily tore into the treat, you untied the note on its leg. To the untrained eye, it was blank. You held it up to the sun and the words came through. The characters were familiar to you – Zonai writing. While you were not versed in the language like Zelda, your dream self understood it perfectly. It read as follows:

My friend,

The great serpent cries,

They miss their child of storms,

But they know your goal.

All wish for your safe return,

Have courage my friend.

There was no signature, just a crude drawing of a triangle.

You had already prepared a response.

Dear friend,

I have arrived safe,

The sands have untold beauty.

You need not worry,

For I shall be protected

As his great treasure.

Your note was signed with the symbol of an eye. You tied it securely to the hawk’s leg, making sure not to tie it too tight. “Please take this back,” you said, stroking the fine feathers of your avian friend. Giving him a gentle upward toss, he took flight and soared on the desert updrafts, circling higher and higher before veering eastward.

You sighed, somewhat wishing to be elsewhere, but you looked out at the desert again, admiring the view of the sun setting over the sands. Gerudo Town stood out among it, much larger than in the current day. A beautiful pyramid stood above the sands not far beyond it, a sort of holy palace.

You slipped the note into a small pocket on the sash across your chest. For a while you absently played with the jewelry on your neck. The gold choker was intricately carved and clearly priceless, but it felt a little uncomfortable.

You then sensed someone approaching behind you – someone quite large by the footsteps. You adjusted your clothes and made sure you looked presentable.

“Ah, is this where my little blossom has been hiding?”

The dream you may have smiled, but the real you felt your heart drop. The voice was too familiar; after all, you had heard it for weeks. The dream you turned towards the voice, looking up into the face of the Gerudo King – or as he was known in your time, Ganondorf the Demon King.

“Your majesty,” you said with a sweeping bow.

“You just like to tease me, don’t you?”

“Someone has to be brave enough to.”

The massive man laughed, and you were surprised how genuine it seemed on his face. Part of you had to admit, when he wasn’t being absolutely terrifying, he was rather attractive. He easily picked you up in a bridal carry. “Come now, let’s go home. It will be cold soon.” He held you close to his chest; you could feel his heartbeat quicken.

“Lord Ganondorf, won’t people ask questions if you’re carrying a servant like this? You’ve already adorned me with more jewelry than even your closest allies – people may start to ask questions.”

“A king does not concern himself with the opinions of those who do not matter. And those who do, wouldn’t dare to even question it. You’ll learn soon enough, my little blossom, the only thing that matters in this world is power – and you have the most powerful man in the world as your king. Follow me, and you will want for nothing.”

Internally you felt sick. You weren’t sure what this dream meant, but you could even feel a strange twist in your dream self’s stomach.

#tears of the kingdom #legend of zelda #x male reader #link x male reader #my stuff

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sailor-kaiju · 2 years ago

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Some thoughts on separating the art from the artist. Which I actually do, to some extent, support in certain areas. Upfront: there are multiple ways to engage with media, and they can overlap and be non compatible, and because humans are complicated and messy we usually do multiple at a time. Also you can just enjoy something without digging deep in but I like enjoying things by picking them apart.

So first off: separating art from artist is one way to engage, not The Way. There is no The Way. The best way to really explore something critically is to examine it in multiple ways to get to the juicy core. And because so much is based on personal experience, even if we try to not, everyone interactions with a work will be different. Even if only a little, even in ways we never will or can express…if you think you have found The Way, all you have found is that you haven’t thought about it enough.

So let’s discuss the internets favorite excuse parading as a way to analyze media: separating the art from artist. The idea is to take the worthwhile art and separate it from the terrible ideas or morals of the artist.

This isn’t short hand for “ignore what the artist does and enjoy the art.”

Let’s take Shakespeare.

When I read Romeo & Juliet, I come into it with context of who Bill was (ish) and I know the time period and the expectations, etc. For example, while it’s part of the narrative that Juliet is a dumb teenager, stupid and young, I also understand that she is not equivalent to a modern teenager. I understand Shakespeare was, by our standards, horribly sexist but by his probably pretty progressive. So I separate the art from him, and read it in good faith and know he isn’t implying that this is child abuse but that it is stupid teens. I go in knowing his ideas of gender are not mine and I separate them out to get to the the story he is trying to tell. This doesn’t mean I’m dismissing the icky in the story, it means I know the icky hits me differently than it would have any one back then and is not meant to be icky in this context.

There is also a place for a reading that is ABOUT the idea he brought from his times and how they effect the story. There’s also a reading about how you should read the story and pretend you have NO context and see how things hit you then. Different ways to analyze things.

But the issue is I KNOW how to pull out the artist because I know what is up with the artist.

If, say, an artist is a transphobe, for a random example out of nowhere, and I refuse to engage with that knowledge, I can’t separate it from the art. Because I’m still participating in it, it is too hidden for me. So I don’t know what to watch out for and put in it’s little box of shame. And that’s when it becomes dangerous.

If I don’t know an artist is a transphobe, for example, I’m going to take in their transphobia without thought. It’s gonna fester in there and become accepted to me that saying a woman has big hands is an insult, that a woman’s biggest goal is to get married and have babies, or that boys and girls must be strictly gender separated. Because the author holds those beliefs and they aren’t questioning them, so if I don’t already KNOW to do it…it’ll slide by. And it’ll be in danger of becoming something that grows and stays in my own brain unquestioned.

On the flip side, if I know it’s there I can think about it, process it, build off it it to make better content, etc etc. I don’t have to accept it to engage with it.

I don’t think you NEED to cut something out because a creator is ~problematic~ but I also don’t think you can just pretend they aren’t and enjoy their content without interrogating how much of it has gotten INTO the text. Because it’s always a lot, and if you pretend you can just chop that connection off with no work….you haven’t actually done anything at all.

And none of this means you have to write essay’s about the problematic elements in everything you watch and report your problematic sins to the literary gods. It’s enough to be like “Quinten Tarantino is weird about feet so when I see that in his movies I know it’s a weird Tarantino things and don’t assume this is a normal way to be about feet.”

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pumpkinpaix · 4 years ago

Note

It was only when starting MDZS that I came across the terms “seme” and “uke.” To me these categories seemed too rigid and simplistic compared to actual gay dynamics I have observed. I wanted to ask whether such categorisation is truly reflected in the way gay Chinese people behave or is it just a stereotype?

okay so -- there’s a lot to unpack here. I’ve been sitting on this ask for months at this point but let’s give it a shot. to forewarn you, I found this ask really upsetting for a number of reasons, and I am. really kind of at the end of my patience with this fandom, so this is going to be harsh. please bear with me if you are in a space to do so.

so. seme and uke are japanese terms that come with their own genre conventions and such, even though they roughly mean top and bottom. you can read a little bit about it here under the “seme and uke” section on the yaoi wikipedia page.

the equivalent chinese terms are 攻 (gong1) and 受 (shou4). you might notice that the hanzi/kanji used are the same as seme and uke because i’m fairly sure the chinese terms were derived from the japanese ones. there’s a lot of cultural crossover in ACGN (anime, comics, games, novels) fandoms.

the use of seme/uke vs gong/shou does matter when it comes to anglophone spaces. because one of the facets of anti-asian racism in anglophone spaces is the way that people treat all (east) asians as interchangeable, the choice of which language to use for which media is important, even if the terms are linguistically equivalent.

it's a small thing, but even just saying gong/shou instead of seme/uke in this ask would have softened the blow a little. all of this information is easily obtained with a quick google search of "seme and uke" and "chinese version of seme and uke" and a little bit of analytical thinking. before you ask a random stranger on the internet to dispense cultural information, please do the minimum of research on your own.

with regards to the actual question:

I know this ask is old so maybe a lot has changed for you anon, but regarding this ask specifically, I’m going to ask you to think very hard about what you’re asking, who you're asking, and why you're asking it next time. for a start, I am not a gay chinese man. i have been very clear that I am abc, and i live and grew up in the states. That's not equivalent to "a chinese person who happens to be fluent in english". we are very culturally distinct, and there is absolutely no way that my background gives me any inherently privileged insight into the lives and culture of gay chinese men in china. why are you asking me to speak for them? why are you asking me to tell you about them? gay chinese men behave like individual humans. i am not your convenient tour guide into all things chinese just because I speak english. moreover, please remember that your experience, like mine, is limited. whatever observed "actual gay dynamics" you're talking about are a product of your specific position, location, age, culture etc. and it would be absurd to extrapolate your observations to generalize how all gay people interact with one another even in your specific culture.

I will be very honest: the tone of this ask evokes purity wank bait because of the wider context of the question. there has been a Lot of discourse surrounding the “roles” in danmei in anglophone fandom that essentially boils down to fujoshi discourse redux, which often has a lot of racist underpinnings and comes from an extremely white, western, misogynist, and identity politics-heavy perspective. i put links and such about fujoshi discourse in this ask if you aren't familiar, but I want you to understand that, regardless of your intent, my initial impression of this question (because of the context of these discussions) was uncomfortably close to "I'm better than those oppressive, uneducated straight chinese women who unrealistically fetishize gay men, right?" I am choosing to believe that this wasn't what you meant, but. to draw an analogy: would you ask me this question about twinks and bears in US gay culture? would you ask me if those labels/roles/categories were representative of the way US gay men behaved? what about top/bottom? if not, then why are you asking me about chinese gay men as if they're a different species?

if you can understand that top/bottom or bear/twink are not representative categorizations (though there are, of course, people who happily fall into them, self-identify as them, label themselves as such etc), why are you holding gong/shou to a higher standard?

I get that we're all in different places re: our cultural knowledge, but just. look, if you're coming to me with a question like this, the least you could do me is the courtesy of ten minutes of googling before you hit me with a racist microaggression right out the gate on a sensitive topic. As I said, I don't think you meant harm, but please try to be more aware in the future, okay?

(please do not dogpile anon in the notes, it's not constructive, thanks)

if you are curious about the lives of queer folk in china, there is plenty of interesting information out there in english as well. here's an article to get you started.

#Anonymous #asks and replies #look i just. look #im very very tired #mine #my meta #queer stuff #seme uke #gong shou #danmei #??#whatever #long post #discourse

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vivisextion · 3 years ago

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I first saw Slipknot at age 14.

No one knows how I managed it. I'm not sure I even remember. These days, you have to be 16 or 18 to get into Standing areas. I do know I had to buy tickets on the phone, back in the old days (2005, that is). A singular ticket, too - none of my friends, not even the classmate who had gone with me to see Linkin Park the year before, was that into Slipknot.

But I HAD to see them. This was the Subliminal Verses tour cycle, and Vol. 3 was my first and favourite Slipknot album, even to this day. It's the reliable old warm blanket for my soul whenever I need it. It's on right now, as I write this.

My memory isn't that good, but luckily I unearthed a livejournal (livejournal!) diary entry about the event I made the next day.

August 16, 2005. I went right after school. I went to a very conservative Anglican secondary school, too. I tried not to get caught in the bathroom, as I coloured my nails black with permanent marker (I know, don't laugh) and changed into my standard metalhead baby outfit - Slipknot band shirt, black cargo shorts, and my pride and joy: steel-toe boots I somehow managed to cajole my parents into letting me own.

I caught the bus to the open-air war memorial park where the gig was going to be. I got there at 4pm, 4 hours early. A couple other maggots were already hanging around. I found myself surrounded by tombstones, and I read them all. It was the middle of the Hungry Ghost Festival, too - a very fitting time for Slipknot to pay a visit to this godforsaken hellhole of a small town I lived in. (Especially given the paranormal circumstances surrounding the making of Vol. 3.)

While I wandered around the venue (no security or sound guys were around at all), I spotted two white vans pull up to the stage, in the middle of a clearing. It was them! I spotted Joey and missed him by a hair's breadth. I was quickly ushered behind the stone archway entrance by security then.

(Funnily enough, while walking around, I got mistaken for Joey more than once. I am the same height as him, had the same long black hair, same pale skin, and was wearing almost exactly what he had been. One person claimed from behind, I was a dead ringer, apart from when I turned around, and they realised I was Chinese.)

It was soundcheck time. A sound guy testing the mics would say random things, like "testing one two three two one.... fudge fudge, I like fudge...." The band even did Purity, so us earlybirds were given a rare treat, and we screamed along from the entrance, and drummed our fists on the sides of nearby porta-potties. I hope no one was in there at the time. Whenever we got a glance of any of them, we'd scream and cheer. Finally they left again, but were soon to return.

This was the first time I'd been a part of the metal community. I was barely allowed internet in those days. But here, random strangers were friendly, striking up conversations like they'd been friends for years. Two big guys, called Trevor and Ted, looked out for me the entire gig after, keeping other big dudes from crushing me too much (I'm 5'3, remember). Other people commented on me being so baby, because I was only 14, and said they would take care of me.

When we were finally let in, right after the usher cut the rope, I ran in, screamed "WOOOHOOO!" along with a few friends I'd made. I only briefly stopped to receive this RoadRunner Records compilation CD from a roadie, then resumed running like a madman screaming and dashing into the VIP cage.

I was right up against the barricade - the first time I would ever be at a gig. People from assorted magazines and press took photos of us, and I think I got my photo taken about 10 times at least.

(This is how I got in trouble with my parents the next day. My photo had ended up in a local paper - you can see examples of that here. They had no idea what I'd been to see the night before, and were horrified when they saw what Slipknot looked like.)

We saw Sid filming us from the stage with a camcorder and screamed at him. We saw Jim and screamed at him too, and he flashed the victory sign back at us. I remember Metallica playing at the time, another one of my favourite bands.

The concert was a brutal religious experience I will never forget. People with their arms outstretched, crying and screaming out loud, moving like the devil possessed them.

The new friends around me made sure I was alright after every song! There were huge guys fainting behind us who had to get carried out, but I endured, a tiny 14 year old child. We got a family speech as per tradition, of course. "Are you guys out there all looking out for each other? We're all one big family, and we gotta look out for each other." What Corey said held true - strangers hugged, shook hands, talked, and made friends. I was heartened by how close-knit the maggot community was. It really did feel like a family, and it's felt like that ever since.

Of course, I did my first Jump The Fuck Up. It is possibly the most euphoria I've ever experienced all at one go. (Later, in 2020, I was extremely disappointed that I didn't get to do it again in London.)

They did the death masks for Vermilion, and I remember Chris helping Sid fix his mask and shirt when they'd changed back. Sid hung out near Clown's drums for most of the time too, and hugged him from behind and just latched on at one point. It was pretty adorable.

Fun fact: The version of Eyeless you hear on the 9.0 Live album is from Singapore, as is Eeyore. There are very few photos and videos from the crowd of this gig, because in 2005, very few people had camera phones. The crowd at the Slipknot gig in 2020 was a sea of arms with phones, filming the gig rather than experiencing it. Yes, I'm going to be that cranky old geezer who complains about the good old days.

Joey as usual, was fucking amazing and never failed. However, due to the fact that I was right up front, only his tiny head was visible behind his vast drum set, I couldn't see him the entire gig.

Amazingly, the government told Slipknot they were not allowed to do obscene gestures, curse, vomit (possibly due to the decomposing crow pre-show ritual), simulate humping on objects, throw faeces, or jump off stage (looking at you, Sid). I don't think our totalitarian government knew who they were dealing with, because watch what happens next.

Near the end of the gig, Corey tells the crowd “your government has given us a laundry list of things we aren’t allowed to do, your government has told us we are not allowed to swear”. Crowd goes “BOOOOOOOOO” and Corey goes “BUT WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK!!” And they launch into Surfacing, the last song. Everyone riots. Best night of my life.

You can find the setlist from that gig here. It had everything I wanted and more.

This story later got immortalised when Kerrang asked maggots for gig stories, for an article which came out in 2020. I had forgotten entirely, until people began messaging me to tell me, and one friend sent me a scan of it!

On the way out, I managed to get a shirt. I remember calling my best friend at the time, and got everyone at the merch booth to go "IF YOU'RE 555 THEN I'M 666" for her. This shirt has since been lost to the landfill, because my Christian mother took it upon herself to dispose of it the first opportunity she got. Needless to say, our relationship is not very good.

After that, I even managed to get that Roadrunner compilation album they were giving out signed. The band was staying at the Carlton. Unfortunately, Joey wasn't there, neither was Clown, and Mick was swarmed by guitar nerds so, 6/9 it is. It is a great regret of mine that I'll never have anything signed by him, nor will I ever get to see him perform ever again.

The next day, I went to school, my head swimming. Yes, I went to see Slipknot ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. I was a giant bruise, from my ribs and my chest, to my hips and knees, from being slammed into the barricade like a screen door in a hurricane. Most of all, my sore, headbanged-out neck could barely hold my head up. Classmates thought I had been in a fight. I was torn between battle-scarred exhaustion and hyperactive ranting about the most amazing gig of my short life (it still is, to this day). When teachers spoke to me, I wanted to reply, "Fuck trigonometry! I've just seen SLIPKNOT. Do you not understand that my world is different? Do you not understand that *I* am now different?"

My country was a small, conservative town that Slipknot had graced with their unholy presence. Corey Taylor once said that where he grew up in Iowa had a way of making a 16 year old boy feel like a 36 year old man (or something to that effect). I felt that in my weary bones as a teenager, being from a place just like that. Years later, Watain would run into worse trouble, and wouldn't even be allowed to perform. The Christian stranglehold is stronger than ever. It was a good thing that back then Slipknot had the element of surprise, striking serpent-fast and choking this society by the neck for a too-brief time, before they departed.

After that, my desire to play the drums only grew like a weed. Joey Jordison had, has, and will always inspire me as a drummer, and seeing the beast live (or what little I could spy behind the massive riser) had only spurred me on. I had always been a noisemaker, be it driving my parents mad with chopsticks on pots and pans, or driving my teachers mad with pencils on my desk. But of course, my parents wouldn't have any of it. I'd have to wait a good 14 more years before I'd be able to afford lessons and later, a kit of my own. Better late than never, right?

There will never be enough words to describe the impact Joey has had on my life. And it isn't just Slipknot, either. I could write another essay on his time with the Murderdolls and its influence on my own gender-non-conforming ways. Suffice to say, my wardrobe doesn't look too dissimilar to his during the early Dead in Hollywood days.

I told my boss I could not come into work today. I was grieving. I said that my music teacher died, as I didn't think she'd understand the magnitude of my loss. In a way, it's true. And I am not the only one Joey has nudged on the path to being a musician, that much is certain. To the rest of us, I wish strength and love for you in this difficult time. The best way to honour Joey, who truly loved music, both the creation and appreciation of it, is to pass that gift on. Teach it to someone. He is the reason I picked up the sticks in the first place, and one day, they'll be handed on, the heavy metal baton for the next generation.

And finally: remember that the ones we have lost are never truly gone.

Vinnie

P.S. See if you can spot me in the crowd photos in this post!

#Joey Jordison #Slipknot #Murderdolls

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tehohaews · 4 years ago

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2020 CREATOR WRAP: FAVORITE WORKS

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works.

Thank you soooo much Nuria @taytawan for tagging me 🥺💖and ignore how late this is oops

Okay so 2020 is the year that I returned to “the internet” and I’m grateful cause otherwise I wouldn’t get to know all of you lovely people.Thank you for existing and making me feel like I belong somewhere 💖💖 So, along with my works I'm also gonna mention some of my favorite people and their works here and If you’ve ever made me smile you’re here and I love you <3

@snugglesweaters Terryyyyyyy. My closest friend here 🥺 I’ve never told you this but if it wasn’t for you,I doubt I would’ve lasted this long here. It's nice knowing someone as clueless and a clown like me. I can talk to you about anything and I feel like we have similar views on stuffs.I love making random references to fics and knowing that you’ll get it cause we kind of read the same fics. I love this tine glitter fic of yours (yes tine glitter fic), obviously this cause (vampire) bright in a beanie AND the coffee shop au hc that only I know about hehe. I love your (almost) phd brain and hope you’re doing well in your dissertation. YOU CAN DO IT DW. And may you stay healthy,hydrated,safe and happy in the coming year 😊💖 I love you soooooooo muchhhhhhh 💖💖💖

@lesbian-earn Mayyyyy!!!. My co president of the short people supremacy club. You are so sweet and kind and thank you for reaching out to me that one day I was feeling a bit anxious.It’s always lovely to see you on my activity and on the dash. Like I once said, you remind me of sunshine and ilu 💖💖 Hope that the next year is kind to you and you’ll do well in your uni stuffs dw, I know you can.💖 Also I’ve said this before but i looooveeee this fic of yours and when I found out it was you dfjidfjidfidf

@taytawan Nuriaaaaaaa 💖💖 You say that I’m kind but it’s always because you are so sweet and talented that I can’t help screaming about your works everytime I see them. If I’m not mistaken, the name Nuria comes from the word Nur meaning light. You make the world brighter and a better place by your presence and I’ve said this before but really, it would’ve been very lonely without you in this 2g circus. I love these two sets of yours (I mean I did write an essay in the tags when I saw this) .Thank you for everything, I love you and I hope that you remain safe and happy in the coming year 💖💖 (Also join mine and May's short people club,Terry isn't invited ofc jdjsdjasjij)

@brightwinfilm NATH efhifhihis my (almost) birthday twin. LISTEN we’re gonna have so much fun in March, 1) Itsay part 2 AND your birthday 2)Sarawat’s birthday 3) My birthday and 4)since we’re here let’s just say Tine’s birthday is in March too hehehe. Thank you for all the lovely sarawatine and brightwin content you make, they never fail to make me smile.I love this set of yours and this also cause hehehe i WILL bring this back muhahhaa.You’re a wonderful person and you make the world a better place. Take care of yourself and I hope that you are always happy,healthy and safe 💖 i love youuu

@ryudian My go to person when I need any updates. You are SO HELPFUL and so NICE. I love going to your blog and seeing your st dolls and all the crazy stuffs you do because of bw. And I absolutely loved what you did with the oishi drinks here. May you be happy and safe in the coming year and stop spending so much money on merch I'm worried you'll go bankrupt

@komari-maxx I love seeing you on my activity and I love your st dolls and fics, specially this fruity4 one cause sdhididhid you included my hc of them arguing over the colour on lunch.This totally happened no one can change my mind. Hope you'll be happy (with your st dolls hehe) in the coming year

@teh-ohaew *tarn voice* Eyy TAY djidjijid hehe oops. Tay and Teh sound so similar specially in tarn's voice. Omg Teh Tay besties. TAYYYYY I love youuuu and I love reading your tags and seeing you on my dash except when you and Ayesha go crazy sdhusdh hehe jk. You are so nice and I love this sarawatine ig hc of yours. Hope you have a lovely year ahead and remain happy,healthy and safe. Don't forget to take care of yourself (by that I mean listen to the itsay original score on repeat)

@metawin JAYYYYY. I still remember the first time I came across your blog, it was when you were (probably) rewatching wyel and blogging about it crazily. I was laughing so hard at those and then you followed me back and I still to this day have no idea why. It's comforting seeing your posts in the tags and the dash and I absolutely love this itsay set of yours. You are so talented and lovely and I hope that you have a wonderful year ahead. Lots of love <3333

@gremlinmetawin Ayesha bb 🥺🥺 You were the first person who interacted with me here and I love you for that. It's lovely seeing you in my dash and thank you for tagging me in tag games, I have fun doing them 💖💖 tbh I know like 3 Ayeshas irl but you are the loveliest and kindest of them all. Hope that the next year is kind to you,bring you happiness and you finally finish all those unwatched shows

@khaotungthanawat SAMMMMM Have I said that you are SO TALENTED this week? although tbh you deserve to hear that everyday. You always say that it's nothing but no, you ARE talented and kind. It's wonderful seeing your posts ( I feel like you're everywhere nowadays another proof that you work hard). You are a blessing to this world and I hope for you to be always happy and safe 💖💖.I love this st set, this itsay one and the tags of this post 😂😂 I will never not laugh at this.If this doesn't happen in the st special special askdkdsks

@metawwin ALIIIIIIIII, queen of parallels djijidjias. I love going through your blog and seeing all your 2g stuffs.I absolutely adore this set of yours. You are so talented and you make the world a happier place <3 I love youuuuu and I hope you're staying hydrated,taking care of yourself and doing the things you love. You deserve all the love and happiness in the world 💖💖

@wirapong AISHIIIIII Hope you're doing well. I've screamed about this already BUT this club drama fic? lives in my head rent free. Also I love all your soft baby wat fics cause WAT IS A BABY. Glad we have Tine as the President of the Sarawat protection squad. I love your writing. you're so talented and I hope that the coming year will bring you happiness <33

@acequinz Hi Ace!! I love your incorrect quotes sideblog and I love your fics, specially this, this and this. You're a lovely person and I hope that you have a wonderful year ahead.

@bisexualrep DORAAAA We haven't talked in a while but I smile whenever I see you in my activities. You are maybe the 4th person who followed me here and it still feels weird cause this and this? some of my fav wyel fics of all time. It's lovely reading your tags, they are so cheerful <3 Hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself. You deserve to be happy always 💖💖

Omg this is so long. If you're still here, here are some of the works that I'm proud of. 1)This itsay set. This was my first time doing big gifs and although this is loooong I like how this turned out, specially the colouring. 2) This cause do I do anything except 2g shitposting? No <3 I had this idea even before s2g aired but decided to wait so that I have more shots from s2g and I'm glad I did cause Earn basically got confirmed as a wlw so (Also special thanks to Terry cause the Man and Air hc were hers,her phd brain ikr) 3)This cause dcjsdjidi SARAWATINE SOULMATES. I love how the colouring turned out despite the fact that ps crashed halfway and I lost the gifs i spent 2 hours colouring. I tried to do this with scenes from the series only but couldn't cause wHen YoU aRe wItH yOuR cAmeRA SHOW US goddammit. If this was ao3 this would've been tagged as Tine teepakorn loves Sarawat guntithanon xD 4) Still2gether textposts obviously. I KNOW that 90% people follow me for my 2g shitposting and I got an ask once saying how were they so accurate and the reason for that is I spent HOURS on these. Atfirst it took a long time but after a while I got the hang of it. It was fun (though sometimes tiring) to make these after each ep aired. I'm proud of it and the fact that I managed to do 13 parts? gsjsdjsj 5) Still2gether subs that looks fake but aren't. shutup this was my first time giffing but it was funnnnn looking for the (canon) crack parts after every ep aired.

Also,thank you to all the lovely people who likes and reblogs my posts, I do see you and I love you all <33

Tagging: If you’re here then consider yourself tagged if you wanna do this or to anyone who sees this on the dash

#i wrote this at 4 am so this might not make sense #but anyway #HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE #tag game

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cruecifymesixx · 4 years ago

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Love and Leather /part eighty two/

Word Count: 6k

A/N: sorry it took so long! enjoy! feedback is always appreciated

Warnings: language,semi fluff

Taglist: , @aryssav , @miserablecunt , @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol, @fandomshit6000, @anntheboneless, @justjodeye, @supernaturalvikingwhore, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @awesomealmostdopestudent, , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @rockersbox, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @broke-n-bitchy @thanks2pete, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @motherloovebone, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @waywardprincess666, @iluvmesomemarvelndc, @zoenicoles, @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @primal-screamer @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @miss2001babe, @nassauartist @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @lauravic, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe, @kellysimagines @thoughtsoftheantagonist @marvelismylifffe, @sleepyjunhong @meetthesixxter @sparxx27 @gingerspicetalks @kaitieskidmore1 @unknownoblivion @nevergoodenuffbutokaaayyy @sublimeprincesswasteland @kylieinwonderland @haileynicoleseavey17 @lavendersoundbarrier @youretheonlyonewhomakesme, @xxisxxisxxis, @dogmom2014, @cruesixxlover1991, @xpoisonousrosesx, @m0rnlngstar, @findingmyths, @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @arianareirg, @fentitrbl, @motleycrueprincess, @redlipscrystalskies14, @samanthadegaro @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @thechangingme, @makaelahdelvalle, @oskea93, @idkmanhereisshitilike, @patheticgay69, @chefwaitertable, @love-struck-aries

*flashback*

~October 1st, 1990~

I carried the dirty cups and bowls from my bedroom down to the kitchen and placed them in the sink before washing my hands. I patted them dry before grabbing a bagel and tossing it in the toaster.

I exhaled deeply as I looked around my moms house, the pristine white marble counter tops reflecting the sunlight shining through the windows to make everything seem brighter. I glanced at the pile of mail on the island as a sunflower yellow envelope caught my eye.

My eyebrows furrowed together as I stepped over and shoved the bills and fashion magazines to the side and grabbed it. My eyes widening as I saw 'N. Sixx' in the top right corner and it was addressed to me. I frowned, my stomach becoming overrun by a wave of nausea as I ran my thumb over a smudged blue ink finger print.

"Shit." I tossed it down when I smelt the bagel burning. I quickly grabbed it and winced when it burnt my fingers.

"Oh wow, you're up early sweetie." I turned around when my mom came in with a paper bag of groceries and placed her Louis Vuitton purse down on the counter.

"Early? It's two in the afternoon." I reached for the jar of peanut butter and container of cream cheese from the fridge.

"Well you've been sleeping till about four since you got here a month ago..." She spoke softly as she started taking out fresh produce and putting it in the fridge.

"I'm tired." I shrugged my shoulders and smushed together the bagel and took a bite, "Do you need help?"

My mom glanced at me, "No, it's just this." She smiles before she examined me, "When was the last time you showered? Or took your hair out of that bun?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. Can't remember." I leaned against the counter as I watched her slip on her glasses to read through the mail, tossing bills to the side as she threw away the magazines. I stared mid bite as she picked up the envelope and scoffed.

"This is trash too." She shook her head as my eyes filled with tears as she tossed it in the garbage.

"Don't!" I shouted before grabbing it and holding onto it, "It's my mail." I told her as she came over and tried taking it from me.

"Vanity, give it to me. You don't need to read whatever bull crap he sent. Give it, now." I shook my head as she held onto it and tried tugging it away, "Do you want to keep crying over him or do you want to move forward?"

"Let me have it, please!" I began sobbing as my mom sighed and let go of it before wrapping her arms around me and running her hand through my hair.

"Sh, sh. It's okay." She pressed a kiss to my forehead, "I know it hurts pumpkin. But you can't keep holding onto him, you gotta let him go honey." I couldn't control my breathing as I clutched my chest and leaned into her. Mom gently took the letter from between my fingers, "He is just trying to tell you how sorry he is. If he was sorry he wouldn't have done it in the first place Vanity. There's no reasonable excuse for cheating."

"It doesn't make sense mom. Why would he do this to me?"

*end flashback*

"For our next exercise, I want you to hold hands and look into each other's eyes."

Nikki and myself both rolled our eyes as we sat in two chairs facing each other. His hands found mine first as I sat forward just a bit more, "You're hands are cold." He observed as we waited for the next instructions.

"Cold like my heart." I quirked an eyebrow as he chuckled and gave my hands a light squeeze.

"I want you to two focus one one another. Really look at each other's features. Look into each other's eyes, Vanity what do you see?"

Is this really suppose to help us? Or is she just bullshitting at this point?

"His eyes are a bit more grey today. I think it's because his shirt is a dark blue. He hasn't shaved in a few days either so he has some stubble. His eyebrows need to be plucked-hey you're wearing rings that hurts! I was just answering the question." I winced when he squeezed my hands again and the bulky rings pinched my fingers.

"Look beyond the physical aspects, Vanity. It's not always about looks." I rolled my eyes at her words.

"I know that, can't help that he's pretty and I like to look." I wiggled my eyebrows at Nikki as he blushed a bit.

"Shut up."

I exhaled and looked into his eyes, "I see warmth and protection. I also see pain and his eyes look tired...he usually has a sparkle to them." I glanced over at Crystal as she was writing something down.

"Why do you think they aren't sparkling?" Crystal questioned as I looked back at Nikki and shrugged.

"Dunno. He probably wishes we were better and didn't have to do this. Or that I was better and would just be with him, I don't know."

Nikki remained quiet as his thumb absentmindedly went back and forth over my hand, "Yeah, it's probably that."

"Back to the exercise." I sighed and looked at him again, "Tell me one of Nikki's flaws, but address him when you say it."

I shook my head and ran my tongue over my bottom lip, "I wish you didn't expect things to be perfect all the time. Wether it be yourself, me, our our relationship or the band."

"Nikki? Any comments?" He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out, "Okay, now something good about Nikki."

"I like how passionate you are about everything you do. You always put 110% into everything. So I think that also falls into your perfectionist thing as well."

"Thanks..." He smiled a bit and brought my left hand up to his lips for a kiss.

"Very good, Nikki your turn."

I could see the wheels turning in Nikki's head as he stared at me, his eyes darting to every point on my face, "Her eyes are golden today, full of life like always. Even on her worse days they're still like that. She however, just got her eyebrows done the other day so they look good. Even and perfect and pristine, just how she likes them. She always has a look in her eye like she's up to something, uh mischievous I guess you could say. It's not a bad thing. It's just Vanity. I see that underlying anger though, it's always there. I think of it as a warning and her self defense mechanism...that enough?"

Crystal nodded, "Yes, but can you tell me about Vanity's anger a bit more?"

"It's explosive. It's not the little things that make her loose it but a build up of a lot of big stuff. Unless someone really got under her skin. She can be violent but I know how much she regrets it once she calms down. She's out of breath, exhausted. Her hands shake and her voice trembles and her words will cut you deep. I've been on both ends, receiving it and watching her dish it out to someone else. I know she's been like this since she was a kid though. She just has anger issues."

I exhaled deeply as I let go of Nikkis hands but he quickly grabbed them again, "Can you give me a flaw of hers?"

Nikki cleared his throat and looked at me, "I wish you didn't run when things get rough or hard or it doesn't go the way you want it too. I think a lot of our fights could be prevented if you just stayed and talked to me."

We looked at one another, "Yeah....I know." I breathed out when we let go of each other's hands.

"Nikki, you called and said you wanted to bring something to give to Vanity? Do you have it?"

I watched as Nikki went to the coat rack and grab a yellow envelope out of the pocket of his leather jacket. He came back and sat in front of me and handed it over to me after a few minutes.

"I didn't know we had homework." I chuckled a bit, feeling Nikkis intensity pouring out of him as he just stared at the envelope in my hand.

"Babe-" I looked at him, and he had that fucking look in his eye that I hate. The one where he's gonna deliver me bad news. That look, "You know how I told you I wrote you a letter after you left?" I nodded at his words and he glanced down at it before looking at me again.

"Oh..." I flipped it over to see my name written with my moms address and a stamp with planes in the right hand corner. The envelope was starting to fall apart as it was crumpled and ripped with water spots on it.

"Do you mind reading it out loud Vanity?" Crystal asked, giving me a reassuring smile."

"Okay." I cleared my throat, a heavy feeling in my chest as I opened it up with my nail and pulled out yellow lined paper that was folded up:

9/23/90

Vanity,

I can't even put into words how sorry I truly am. Please, you have to believe me, this was never my intention. I just don't know what happened, or how I could even let this happen. It killed me to see the look and tears on your face that day back at the house, and it ripped my fucking heart out when you took the ring off and left it on the table. I thought getting sober would make me a better person, but clearly, I was wrong.

It's 3AM and I can't sleep. I didn't think having you by my side every night would be so relaxing and calming and much fucking needed. Sometimes I'd just listen to you sleep when I woke up in the middle of the night. I'd wrap you up in my arms and pull you closer to me mainly because I was having nightmares for a while after we moved into the house together. I never told you because I didn't want to worry you when I knew you were already worried about me. But I also did it because I love how you feel and fit into my arms and the way you curl up against me. How I fucking wish you were here.

I go back to touring in a few days and I am dreading it. The guys won't even fucking look at me. And I can't stand the shitty papz right now. Are they giving you issues too?

Doll, you have to believe me, Brandi was a god damn mistake. She, in no fucking universe can compare to you. She isn't even remotely half the woman you are. You're out of this world, Van. I've never met anyone like you. And I think, truly from the bottom of my heart, you're the only chick I have ever loved. That I have ever wanted to be with, to be married too, to have children and a future with. And now that's gone and I just have to accept the cards I hand drew.

If this is the end of the line for you and I, please just do me a favor. Take care of yourself and always remember who the fuck Vanity Blackwood is and stands for. If it ain't gonna be me, I want you to find a good guy that's up to par for you. I tried being the best man I possibly could be for you, but I couldn't live up to my own expectations and I am sorry for that.

I'll cherish every moment and memory I had with you for the rest of my life, and into the next life as well. Maybe in another universe we'll meet again and I'll do things right the first time. I love you.

Forever yours,

N. Sixx

I wiped my eyes as I stared down at the journal paper, blue ink now smearing as much tears hit it. I re read it in my head, twice, three times, four times before a sob escaped my mouth and I leaned over in emotional pain, crying with my face in my knees. I felt Nikki's hand on my back as he got off the couch and crouched besides me, his knuckles rubbing up and down my spine.

"I just wanted you back Vanity." Nikki mumbled to me, "I wanted to fly to Dallas and talk to you but Mick, the wise one he is, told me that wouldn't be one of my best ideas.."

"My brother probably would've shot you." I side eyed him, a lopsided grin plastered on his lips.

"I figured as much. He kinda pinned me against the wall when they came to get your stuff."

"What do you think of the letter, Vanity?" Crystal questioned as I sat up and reached for a tissue and patted my eyes. Nikki sat in the chair across from me, keeping his hand on my knee.

"Makes my heart ache knowing he was going through the same emotions I was going through, if not worse than I was. That he already had that much guilt on his conscience only a few weeks after the fact. I could see why you fell off the wagon for a bit. You were hurting just as much."

Crystal eyed me, "Did you not think he would be? Is that why it's such a shock to you?"

I breathed out a long sigh, "I don't know. I-I just didn't think he gave a fuck anymore. He didn't care to stay loyal to me so why would he care about the outcome and how I felt?"

"Well, clearly you see that wasn't the case now was it?" Crystal smiled at me and looked at us, "Valentines day is coming up. Do you two have plans?"

"Other than getting Valentine's Day cards and heart shaped cookies for Arianna's class, no I don't." I laughed a bit and took a sip of my watered down ice coffee.

"No, guess not." Nikki breathed out as he took his hand away from me.

"Have you two considered maybe seeing other people in the mean time? To figure out if this-" she motioned to us, "Is what you really want?"

What?

I scratched the top of my head and glanced at Nikki, his jaw clenching as he glared at her, "No. We have not considered that and we aren't." He snapped at her as she smiled and nodded.

"Okay. Too bad, it might help. You know, distance making the heart grow fonder?. Anyways, I'm seeing a little progress and I like it. How did the activities go? Did you two do that?"

"We went to the beach, it was Nikki's idea and he took pictures. We also had lunch too, he packed a picnic. It was really nice, I enjoyed it a lot actually." I expressed with a smile

"And what did you plan for him?" Crystal asked as I stared and glanced at Nikki. I haven't even thought about doing anything with him.

"Uh...we've been busy with Arianna but I know Vans planning something fun for us to do. I think mini golf was one idea and going to the Griffith Observatory is another."

Dr. Peterson eyed me as I looked past her and at the abstract painting on the wall, "Very well then. I look forward to speaking with you two again soon."

I folded the letter back up and placed it in its envelope as Nikki shook her hand first, "We'll make an appointment up front." I smiled at her as she nodded.

"I want to hear about the activity you chose to do with Nikki next time, Vanity."

"Yeah, yeah." I waved her off as Nikki held the door open for me.

When we were back in the car, I buckled up and turned up the radio before backing out, "So you really don't want to do anything for Valentine's Day?" Nikki asked as he changed the station I had on and turned it to the local rock one.

"Nikki, you buy me nice things and profess your love for me all the time. We don't need to do anything for Valentine's Day, it's okay." I reassured him as I reached over the console and patted his knee.

"Is this a trick? You saying you don't want to do anything but then Valentine's Day comes around and you get mad at me because you actually wanted me to do something even if you did say no? I know how women work Van."

I laughed, "What!? No! No! Nikki, I promise you we don't have to do anything okay? we can just hang out at home or whatever. I don't care." I shrugged at him as Nikki chuckled.

"Alright, princess. Whatever you say. So uh, you wanna go out to dinner tonight with the band? And Clementine? To celebrate the album being complete?" Nikki questioned as a light gasp rolled past my lips, my eyes glancing to him as my hand smacked his chest lightly.

"No way?! You guys are done!? You haven't even brought home the tape so I can be the first listener and yeah of course I'd love to go to dinner with everyone. When is the album going to be released? I'm so proud of you guys." I smiled at Nikki, hand reaching over to touch his cheek.

"Thanks Van and next month I believe. The team is working on getting us booked with MTV and some radio stations so we can get one of the songs out before then. We're still trying to decide which one would be good. Maybe you can take a listen later tonight after dinner and help me pick?" Nikki spoke contently as I glanced at him.

"Yeah, I know you talked about that when we went to the beach. I can at least listen to a little bit, I have to be up at five for my shift at the diner so you'll also have to get Arianna to school."

"No problem." He chuckled, "It's a piece of cake to get her up. I don't know why you have such a big deal."

I scoffed at his words, "That's because you promise chocolate chip pancakes with extra syrup and no fruit for breakfast." I put the car in park as we arrived at Arianna's school, "And plus, I'm not a morning person either."

*A little while later*

I pulled up the driveway, a white Mercedes Benz convertible was parked in my spot, "Whose car is that?" I questioned Nikki as he pulled his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose and glanced.

"No idea. How'd they get in? Not everyone has the code to the gate." Nikki explained as I saw the drivers door opened and gasped.

"Mom?" I stuffed the keys into my purse as I got out of the car, "What are you doing-" I stopped talking when my brother and sister also got out of the car, "...here."

"Grandma!" Arianna ran time her as she picked her up and held her tight.

"Oh my sweet angel! I've missed you so much! I have some gifts for you." My mom devoured her cheeks with kisses as Arianna giggles.

Nikki came up to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder and turned us around to face the yard, "So, I maybe forgot to tell you they called while you were getting your nails done last week...don't yell." He gripped me tighter when I tried pulling away from him, "It just slipped my mind, I am sorry."

"Nikki are you serious? You forgot? That's like me forgetting Deanna is gonna stop by for dinner one night." I stared up at him, "And I know that's a dramatic comparison so don't look at me like that. It still would've been nice to know."

Nikki groaned, "Van, I forgot! I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah and it's fine. But how do you forget something like that. Didn't our therapist want us to communicate?"

We both turned around when my mom cleared her throat, "Arguing already?" She had a disapproving look on her face as she glanced at the both of us.

"No mom. Just talking about where everyone is gonna stay. One of the rooms are unfurnished now and the other is Nikkis painting studio." I spoke quickly as she eyed me.

"How was your flight?" Nikki smiled at her as she looked towards my siblings and rolled her eyes.

"Our flight was fine. We can stay at a hotel if it will be an issue for us to stay here, Nikki."

He shook his head, "No ma'am. It's not a problem. Greyson and Sage can take the couch. We just have to put sheets on the bed downstairs since Clementine moved out."

I deeply sighed and called for Arianna to come inside with me. I didn't want my family staying here even if it was just for a few days. It just gives them the ability to nit pick everything that is wrong with myself and Nikki.

"Aw, that's too bad. I know Vanity has always had a hard time keeping friends that were girls. She's always been one of the guys." Greyson butted in as Sage made a blow job motion near her mouth.

"Both of you shut it." I rolled my eyes, "She's living with Tommy and I see her a lot still. Her and Nikki just didn't get along." I glared at the both of them as they laughed and gave each other high fives.

My siblings and I are only a few years apart. Me and Greyson being only four and Sage being only six. But that didn't stop them from acting like fucking teenagers again.

Arianna came over to me with a piece of paper, "What did you make for me today baby?" I chuckled and played with her hair as I unfolded it, a wide grin playing across my lips, "Is that all of us?"

Arianna nodded, "Yes! Me, you, daddy and Anarchy! Do you like it?!"

I bent down and kissed the top of her head, "Of course I like it! Go show daddy and then put it on the fridge okay?"

"Dad!!!" Arianna went running and screaming for him.

"She's gotten so big Vanity. I think the last time I saw her she just starting to talk." Greyson expressed as he plopped down on my couch and kicked his dirty converse up on the coffee table.

"Yeah and she hasn't shut up since-"

"Talk? I haven't seen her since she was still in diapers." Sage retorted as I looked at her.

"You were in college still but you were also more than welcomed to come to New York to see me." I told her as she rolled her eyes and sat down.

"Yeah, well you coulda came home too. You always do this."

"Do what?" I questioned, looking at her confused as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"This. Always get distant from us and then we have to come see you. When was the last time you even called mom?" Sage ridiculed me as she shook her head.

"Sage, I've been busy. Arianna takes up a lot of my time and the cross country move-"

"...Wouldn't of had to move if you didn't just up and disappear from him."

I scoffed, "What is this? A come to California to make Vanity feel like shit trip?" I rolled my eyes, "You know why I left Sage and-"

"Yeah and you're right back here with him. Whose to say he won't do it again?"

"He won't."

"How do you know that?"

You know, I am trying my hardest to trust Nikki again. To be patient and let us go with the flow, but it's difficult when someone puts a sliver of doubt in my mind about him and us. I knew Nikki wouldn't, or I should say I hope he wouldn't ever do something like that again.

"I think what Sage means is that we just care about you and we don't want to see you get hurt for the umpteenth time by the hands of Nikki." Greyson spoke softly as he looked at me. He spoke like our dad did. Always level headed with a calm, almost soothing tone to his voice.

"And if he does, that's my business and nobody else's." I glanced at the both of them, "Alright? So can we drop it? He's trying and I'm trying too. And Arianna's happy and that's what matters. Okay, so can we please just...drop it."

"But are you happy?" Greyson questioned as I chuckled a bit and shook my head in disbelief. I hate when they gang up on me like this and back me into a corner. I know it’s because they care but it isn’t needed.

"So uh...I'm gonna order some Thai for dinner. I called and told Tommy who will tell the others that we can just do dinner at a later time." Nikki announced his presence as he came into the living room, "What are we talking about?" Nikki questioned as he glanced at the heated cheeks and hurt expression on my face.

I shook my head, "Nothing." I got off the couch and patted his chest, "I'm gonna help Ari with her homework before she gets to distracted by everyone being here."

*Nikki's POV*

I glanced back at Van as her hand left my chest and she walked into the dining room before calling for Arianna, "Is she okay?" I looked at Greyson and Sage as they glared at me.

Ah. I see the issue now.

"I think she's just overwhelmed we're here. I guess you didn't tell her we'd be coming." Sage spoke bitterly with a sour look etched on her face.

"Yeah uh, I've been real busy finishing up the album and it just completely slipped my mind." I smiled at her as she rolled her eyes and reached for the tv remote, completely ignoring me.

"So uh...how's school Sage? You're still in college right? Texas University right?"

Sage stared, her eyebrows becoming scrunched up, "I've been out of college for three years Nikki."

I chuckled nervously, "Right sorry...I've kinda haven't seen you since uh-"

"...Since we came and got all of Vanity's stuff after you cheated on her." Her mahogany eyes were dark as she continued to glare at me. I understand that they are also upset with me. That they just care about Van and don't want to see her get hurt. But I wouldn't do that again, I wouldn't ever think about it.

"Yeah, that was pretty nice of you." I smirked as her stoic expression softened, "What are you doing now then Sage since you aren't in college?"

Sage huffed, "I'm a veterinarian in Houston. I have my own office and on the side I perform in plays."

"Oh! If you want to become an actress, I could get you in contact with some managers or get you a break in Hollywood." I glanced at her as she chuckled.

"I don't want to be big and famous. Little shows here and there is perfect for me, but thanks."

It's funny seeing her like this, because I still remember her as the 17 year old that was up Vanity's ass when we stopped in Dallas on the last leg of the theater of pain tour. I remember her bratty attitude that she clearly never out grew, the wire framed glasses and the reddened cheeks and googly eyes she got when Vince had pretty much only said hello to her. Do kids really grow up that fast?

I glanced over at Greyson, he had a tattoo of roses and a dove on his forearm with the word 'Dad' written plus some dates underneath it. He also had a small beard and was no longer the jacked up football player. I mean, he could more than likely still rip my head off my shoulders but he'd probably get winded doing it, if you know what I mean. I saw he had a gold wedding ring on his finger, "Oh...congrats man. When did you get married?"

Greyson side eyed me, "Fall of '92. Her names Melanie." He took out his wallet and showed me a picture of a blonde, "We're expecting in a few months. It's gonna be a boy."

"Oh, wow. She's pretty. Congrats man and being a dad is really fun. Do you know what you're naming him?" I questioned as he put his wallet away.

"Liam Ryan Blackwood. Melanie's due date is around June 8th. So, we're excited. I know Ari's excited Mel told her on the phone a few months ago when Van called." Greyson chuckled, "I'm scared though. But Vanity did it by herself so I can do it too."

My expression dropped as a frown played on my lips, "I'm sure you'll do great Grey."

Greyson smiled just a bit, "Thanks Nikki. Are you and Van gonna have anymore kids? Or is Arianna it?"

I chuckled and shrugged my shoulders man, "I-I don't know, man. That's up to her really. We're just taking it one day at a time at this point with therapy and everything, I think it's helping us."

"Therapy? You two are going to therapy? Like together?" Greyson snickered as I nodded, "Wow, who woulda thought. Good for you two, though. Maybe it will work out after all."

*Vanity's POV*

"Mom, we are trying-"

"Vanity, he didn't even tell you we were coming. How can you even expect to have a relationship with him when he's hiding things from you already?" My mom berated me as I watched her chop up onions and mince garlic.

"Oh my god, mom do you hear yourself? Nikki's just been so busy with the new album and Vince leaving and finding John-"

"Well his band shouldn't take priority before his own family."

I rolled my eyes, "Mom it isn't like that at all. He just forgot. Nikki has a lot on his plate right now. I'm not mad about it and you shouldn't be either, you're here ain't you? So can you please let it go?"

My mom sighed as she dumped everything in a pot and began cooking, "I just worry about you Vanity. You never call home and it was like that in New York too even more so when Nikki's in the picture."

"I'm sorry I don't call, I'll try to call more okay? Nikki has nothing to do with me not calling. I-I just forget sometimes. I get so wrapped up in what's going on that's all." I picked at the grapes out of the fruit bowl, "Please don't look at me like that.."

"Like what? I'm not doing anything."

"That's your, 'I know what I'm talking about but since you're your own person I'm gonna let you figure it out yourself' look. You give it to all of us when we're doing something wrong." I clarified as a small smile formed on my moms lips.

"I just worry about you Vanity, that's all. I know you're the oldest and you're more than capable of taking care of yourself. But I also know how you are in relationships, you've always dive head first without thinking. You did it with Julian, and then all the little relationships after him and then Nikki. You hardly talked to us when you first got together with him. You moved straight into this house with him without testing the waters even with the chaotic history you have with him. I know you can be very...persuaded sometimes Vanny. Can you see a future with Nikki?" Mom spoke softly as she came over to the island bar stools and sat down next to me.

"Y-yes. Yes, yeah I can." Mom raised an eyebrow, "Mom, I can see a future with Nikki."

"And what does that future look like?"

Jesus Christ. I groaned and rolled my eyes, "I don't know. Why do I have to think about the future now? Why can't I just deal with it when I get there? I know I want to be with Nikki because I can't picture myself ever being without him. You don't know how hard it was in New York without him-"

"Well no one told you to move all the way across the country, Vanity." My mom said in a matter of fact type tone as she took a sip out of her glass of wine, "But fine, I will leave it at rest if you are happy."

"I am happy mom."

*A few hours later*

"Are you sure you'll be comfortable? I know it's not the microfiber pillows you usually like.." I stood at the guest bedroom doorway and watched my mom inspect the bed.

"It could be better." My mom eyed me with a smirk on her lips, "Yes Van, it will be fine." She chuckles as she came over and gave me a hug and moved pieces of hair out of my face, "My baby.."

"Mom..." I groaned and pushed her hand away, "I have a shift at the diner tomorrow morning so I leave around five and then Arianna is up at six but Nikki will get her ready and off to school and I should be home around noon or so."

"I'll probably go out and go shopping for Arianna. Get her some cute new outfits and toys with Sage."

I chuckled, "Yeah, okay but don't let Nikki know. He's not a fan of spoiling her excessively. But goodnight mom, I'm happy you're here."

"Goodnight sweetheart."

I headed up the stairs after making sure Greyson and Sage were okay on the couches. I walked down the hall to Arianna's room seeing Nikki in her princess bed reading a story to her as she laid on his chest. I listened to him changing his voice for each character as I picked up clothes and toys from her bedroom floor. I sat on her bed after, seeing her eyes flutter as she fought hard to stay awake, "...And we can finish it tomorrow." Nikki gently pulled her away from him as he pulled the blanket over her, "Night princess." He mumbled and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"And I'll see you after school. We gotta trip to the doctors tomorrow but we'll get a happy meal after okay?" I told her as she nodded and reached up to touch my face, "Goodnight Ari." I spoke softly with a light laugh and bent down to kiss her.

"I have a photoshoot with the band around four tomorrow so I won't be able to get to her appointment and I think your mom wants to go out to dinner tomorrow night too." Nikki explained as he followed me into my bedroom. I hopped up on my bed and laid down, patting the side next to me.

He chuckled and crawled beside me and laid down on his side facing me, "What do you see our future looking like?" I questioned, throwing my thigh over his hip and scooting closer to him.

He propped himself up and stared at me, his knuckle brushing over my cheek "Well, I see us out of therapy, thriving and being happy with one another. We'll be able to have a disagreement without it turning into world war three and we'll be good for one another, for Arianna and...others.."

I chuckled and raised my eyebrows, "Others?"

"Yeah, you know...others. Like uh...kids." Nikki mumbled as he stared at me, waiting for a reaction.

"Kids?" He nodded, "That's plural."

"Well someone paid attention in English." He chuckled and lowered his head to kiss me when i shoved his chest.

I licked my lips when he pulled away from me, "You want more kids with me?"

He nodded with a tight lip smile, "One day, when we're better."

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jawritter · 5 years ago

Text

One Hell Of A Thank You...

Request: Can I request a Dean Winchester x plus size reader, where the reader is really quirky and dorky and goes on a date but turns out her date is a vampire and kidnapped her and dean saves her and falls in love with her, maybe some angst, fluff, and smut 💕

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warning: Smut, unprotected sex, oral (female receiving), Angst, Fluff, hint at insecure reader, hint of body image issues.

Word Count: 1994

A/N: As always all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! Hope you guys enjoy this one!

Want more? Check out my Masterlist!!

****MASTERLIST*****

The room was dark and cold, everything felt damp, the faint smell of mildew made your stomach churn a little and an uneasy feeling settle deep inside your chest. Thick, heavy ropes held your arms above your head at your wrist, keeping you in the awkward sitting position that made your muscles strain.

You never thought that you would find yourself here, never in a million years. Derick seemed like a nice guy, boy where you fooled. Hell, he wasn't even human!

You had met Derick online in a hacker chat room, you had been talking for weeks before he convinced you to meet him for dinner tonight at a local restaurant. Everything was going great..... Until it wasn't, and now you were here...

This was just your luck.

You were never popular in high school... Always dorky and quirky... Always a little heavier than the other girls, never fitting in with the popular crowd.

That hadn't changed much as you became an adult.

You were still overweight by everyone else's standards, you were still dorky, you were still quirky, and most people did pay you the time of day, so you knew that no one would come looking for you, and in the very unlikely event you got out of this alive, no one would believe you. No one believes in vampires, hell, you didn't until less than an hour ago...

Would they turn you.....

Drain you.....

You had been alone most of your life, where are you going to die alone now?

Your head was still throbbing where Derick had knocked you out in order to take you to wherever the hell you were now. A part of you just wished that they would just kill you instead of keeping you strung up like some piece of meat... Then it crossed your mind that's probably what you were to them, and you knew there were more than one of them, you could hear the footsteps moving around above you...

You don't know how long you sat there before you finally heard movement above you again and your heart felt like it was going to pound out of your chest.

Are going to kill you?

The noises got louder and louder, people yelling, more people than you thought there would be. Loud sounds you couldn't make out hitting the floor.

What the hell was going on up there? That didn't sound like anything you had heard since being brought here.

You breathe quicker as you could hear footsteps coming down the stairs in the basement you were tied in.

You wanted to scream, but you were too afraid to. White hot fear rolled down your spine as if someone had cracked a rather large egg on top of your head, and it was working its way down to your toes. A sickening, slick fear. One you had never experienced before...

A thick light pierced through the darkness and landed on you, blinding you from seeing it's wielder, and for a moment they froze... Shining their light on you before they started to make their way closer to you...

"Sammy!!" The deep voice behind the light yelled towards the upstairs part of the house, followed by a rush of quick footsteps as they descended the stairs toward you.

The man made his way over to you, putting the flashlight on the ground, a machete covered in blood in his hand. Your world was spinning... You didn't know how much longer you were going to be able to say conscious.

"Hang on sweetheart, we're going to get you out of here..."

Were the last words you heard before everything faded to black...

The next thing you remember was the warmth of a comforter wrapped around your body, and a bed underneath you, the distinct smell of a cheap hotel hit your nose...

Forcing your eyes open you look around the room at the stains on the walls, and the cheap hotel furniture before eyes landed on the most gorgeous pair of green eyes you had ever seen...

"Morning," his deep voice graveled out from the little couch he was sitting on in the room before making his way over to sit on the bed next to you.

"Feeling better?" he asked you, and you had to swallow really hard to make your voice work.

"Yeah... I guess... Where am I?" you asked him, wondering if you had been saved from the vampires, only to be kidnapped again by some very hot serial killer...

"Motel 6 just outside of town... I assume by now you know those guys were vampires that had you tied in that basement."

You nodded your head and cast your eyes anywhere but at the beautiful green eyed man sitting next to you on the bed. Afraid you'd start crying, and he'd see how big of a dork you were. After all, you had lived through in the past 48 hours, crying just seemed stupid now...

A thick calloused hand wrapped warmly around yours, pulling it closer to him, and running small circles on the back of your hand with his thumb, almost sensing you were uneasy.

"It's okay, those things are dead, they won't be bothering you anymore, but I have to ask, who did you end up with them, sweetheart?"

Now you really were embarrassed, the thought that you were so stupid as to meet that guy for a blind date, he turned out to be worse than a serial killer.

"I... Fuck..."

You covered your face with your hands and you felt his large hand place lightly on your knee. His thumb rubbing across the exposed skin there.

"It's okay, tell me, how does such a pretty girl end up with a bunch of freaks like that?"

His word stopped you dead in your thought process. No one had ever called you pretty before, dork, fat ass, and a lot of other names you rather not remember, but never pretty.

Looking up you meet his soft gaze and you swear your heart stopped beating for a moment.

"I met him in an internet chat room. I work as a hacker... He convinced me to come on a blind date with him. Men aren't usual, you know flocking to me, so anyway I agreed to go. Long story short he knocked me over the head after showing me his teeth, and then I woke up tied up in his basement."

You looked down at your lap, not able to meet the man's gaze.

“That’s their loss, Sweetheart,” Dean said. You couldn’t help the blush that crept in over your checks.

"What's your name?" he asked softly.

"Y/N."

"I'm Dean."

Dean slid over closer to you, checking you for injuries and looking at your head where they'd knocked you out, his fingers lightly grazing over your neck making you shiver, his cologne surrounded you, mixed with a hint of gunpowder and whiskey. It was intoxicating, and you found yourself leaning into his touch without even thinking about it.

"You so beautiful princess. I can see why he wanted to keep you. Hell, I wouldn't mind you staying with me either, but I won't lock you in the basement. '' Dean chuckles trying to lighten the mood. His eyes stayed glued to you as you stared at each other. Moving closer and closer to one another.

Before you knew what was happening his lips brushed against yours, softly, tentatively. Giving you plenty of room to push him away if you wanted to. The thing was you didn't want to. You didn't normally do something like this with random men, but there was something about Dean that just drew you to him. Some invisible pull that you just could shove off, and the moment his lips touched yours again it was like electricity shot through your body, waking you up in ways that you never had been.

His hands made their way around your waist and he slowly laid you down on the bed you were both sitting on. His fingers brushing under your shirt and on the bare skin of your stomach.

"You know we don't have to do this baby girl. I don't want you to think..."

In a rush of panic that this beautiful man would decide against what you had already started together, you cut him off by placing your lips to his. Neither of you seemed to be any good with words, but you knew what you felt, and felt more alive than you ever did as soon his lips touched yours, and damn it you weren't about to stop now.

"I want to, Dean. You’re not making me do anything I don't want to do." Reaching down you grabbed your shirt and lifted it over your head. His eyes raked over your body like a starving man, and for just a moment your insecurities almost got the best of you.

"So fucking gorgeous sweetheart." He growled as he ripped his shirt from his body and threw it to the floor.

Clothes began to fall as you both remove your layers quickly, all you could think about was the need to be with him. Feel his skin on your skin. This hands-on your body.. his lips on yours.

His lips grazed over the skin of your shoulder as his hands explored your body and you arched into him.

"Dean.." You whimpered, and he nodded knowingly. His calloused hands slipping down your body, finding your little bundle of nerves, and running small circles. Pulling a moan from your lips.

His lips began to make their way down your body. Over your stomach and your thick thighs that you hated so much. He worshiped your body like no one had ever. Finding you quickly dampening folds and replacing his fingers with his tongue. You all but screamed as he slipped two thick fingers into your waiting heat, growling as your walls already fluttered around him.

Before you knew what hit you your orgasm nearly knocked you unconscious. His mouth doing things you didn't even know was possible. Sending wave after wave of pleasure coursing through you. His name fell from your lips like a prayer as he worked you slowly through it.

As soon as you came down from your high Dean was hovering over you, his mouth finding yours again, giving you a taste of yourself still on his lips.

Dean's eyes met yours against as he lined up his thick length with your center. Pumping himself a few times before he slowly presses himself in, fulling seating himself inside of your warmth with a grunt. Still for a moment before he pulled out all the way and slowly seating himself back. Setting a slow steady pace that was quickly gaining speed.

Every trust he made drove you higher and higher, his mouth barely left yours as worked his body over yours. Before you knew it you could feel the coil tightening once again in your stomach, your nails digging into his shoulders, spurring him on.

"Fuck Dean. I'm..."

"I know baby I'm right there. Let go."

With that, your walls clamped down around him, and your release washed over you as he spilled himself deep inside of you. Working you both slowly through it until you had come down completely before collapsing on top of you. Catching himself on his elbows to keep from crushing you under his weight. Even though you wouldn't have minded it. There was something so safe and secure about being there underneath him, his body caging your own.

Finally, a chuckle left his lips as he pulled out of you slowly. Settling down on his side and pulling you into his chest.

"All I did was kill some vamps and drag you out of a basement. That was one hell of a thank you, sweetheart." He teased you, and you playfully jabbed him in his ribs, electing the most contagious laugh you had ever heard, one that you could totally get used to hearing every day.

"You know you're stuck with me now right Dean. You're never getting rid of me."

Dean sat quietly for a moment before bringing his lips to yours. "I don't want to get rid of you, your mine now princess.."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag List:

@deanwanddamons @imabitch4jensen @rvgrsbrns @bi-danvers0 @onethirstyunicorn @i-love-superhero @akshi8278 @alanegaming @magssteenkamp @lemondropirwin @squirrelnotsam @hobby27 @spnbaby-67 @mrsjenniferwinchester @defenderrosetyler @screechingartisancashbailiff

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester smut #dean smut #pluse sized!reader #spn #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #x reader inserts #jawritter #jensen ackles

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greatfay · 4 years ago

Note

since ur answering asks and shit can u explain what u meant by generational differences in communication

Damn it’s like 2015 tumblr when my inbox used to be WET. So if you’re talking about the controversial opinions post, YES, like I totally understand where people are coming from when they say that generational divides aren’t real (because they aren’t, they’re arbitrary) and distract us from real problems and yes they paint past generations as collectively bigoted when Civil Rights protestors in the 60s (who are in their 70s and 80s now) are mirrors to BLM protestors today, who could be of any age, but the most vocal and famous (at least online, especially irt to the founders, like Patrisse Cullors who is 37.

But how we communicate is sooooo different. I really point to the Internet and Social Media as a major influence in how younger millennials (more Tom Hollands and less Seth Rogans—see even there, I feel like there are two different types of Millennials) and Gen Zrs/Zoomers and even Generation Alpha behave and communicate. We live in a world where we grew up either knowing right out the gate or discovering the hard way that what we say and do has permanence, the kind of permanence that prior generations have never experienced until today. The dumb things kids have been saying since forever can now follow them... forever. We have an inherent understanding of how online spaces work. Compare that to, idk, let’s say you posted on your Facebook (for the first time in 18 months) “All these big and bad grown ass Senators going after actual child Greta Gerwig lol ok, you’re so brave for attacking a CHILD over climate change” and then your aunt, who’s turning “forty-fifteen” in May replies to your post with “So happy to see my passionate niece! Much love from us, hope you’re doing well. Paul is doing great, waiting on his screening results. Tell your mom I said we miss her, we need to get together, we forgive her for last Christmas.”

Like... ok there’s a lot going on there, but your hypothetical aunt is oversharing on a publicly accessible post. And even with the most strict of privacy settings, she’s oversharing where your other Facebook friends (which may include classmates, coworkers, etc.) can see. But she’s saying things that would only be appropriate in a 1-on-1 conversation. This Aunt doesn’t have an understanding of such boundaries, she’s not as technologically literate and hasn’t grown up in a world of Virtual Space, she still gets most of her news from TV, she trusts what a reporter on Channel 4 will read off a script more than what actual video footage of an incident might reveal on Twitter, and she has no clue that she’s been sharing her location data with every post she makes.

There’s such a huge difference. I think it even affects how we experience and express stress and frustration. I think growing up partially in online spaces has made me more accustomed to conflict and consequence-free arguing than someone who never had to worry about that. I’ve been exposed so much to harassment and bullying, triangulating and echo chambers in forums and threads, and vastly opposing point of views at such an early age that it’s had an effect on how I see the world. Compare this to a customer I helped two weeks ago who was looking for a specific type of supplement for children. I found it for her, I handed her exactly what she was looking for, even though her description of the product actually matched several different products; to make sure I’d done my job thoroughly and that she leaves happy and satisfied and doesn’t bother me again, I then show her more products that match her description so that she knows she has options. And she proceeds to freak out, saying “NO, NO, I’M LOOKING FOR [X] AND IT HAS TO BE [XYZ]” and when I say freak out, she looked stressed and PANICKED. And being a retail employee wears you down bit by bit, and add COVID on top of it and little shit like this makes you snap, sometimes. So I have to cut her off like “Why are you screaming and freaking out, jfc you’re holding what you said you wanted. It’s in your hands. I gave you what you wanted, I’m just showing you more things.”

That customer is not an exception, she’s not a unique case. She’s representative of a frightening percentage of her generation, the kids who watched Grease and The Breakfast Club and Ghost in theaters when they were originally released. This is how they communicate and process information. She could not, for some reason, register that her need had been fulfilled, and defaulted to an extreme emotional response when given new and different information.

I’ve yet to deal with someone younger than 35 act the same way, the exceptions being the kids of very wealthy people at my new job who reek of privilege I gag when they walk in—but even they are like *shrugs* “ok whatever” and understanding when there’s something I can’t do for them.

Me: “sorry, we are totally out of that one in your size, but I can order it for you, it’s 2-3 day shipping at no cost to you and we ship it straight to your house”

A rich, white, attractive 22-year-old who’s had access to organic food, a rigorous dermatologist, and financial security since she was born: “mmm... sure, I’ll order it”

A 47-year-old of any socioeconomic background, of any race, in the same situation: “AHHHHHHHHHHH”

I just think it’s crazy how three generations of kids and young adults raised in a world where everything moves so much faster, where knowledge and entertainment and communication can be gathered so much faster, are often so much more polite and patient and understanding. Yesterday I told an older man (mid-50s) whose native tongue is the same as mine, as clearly and succinct as possible, that what he’s looking for is “in aisle 4.” He proceeded to repeat back, “Aisle 7?” four time before I dropped everything to show him what he needed in aisle 4, despite his insistence that he didn’t need me to walk him there. 4 and 7 sound nothing alike in English. There’s just something going on up there 🧠 that’s different.

Oh, other generational divides!!! We have different approaches to labor and working. Totally different! I’m a “young” millennial where I’m almost Gen Z, and I’ve noticed an awful trend among my demographic where people actually brag about working 90 hour work weeks. Or brag about how they skip breaks and live on-call to get the job done for “the hustle” like this “hustle, become a millionaire by 30″ culture that’s dominated these kids, idk where tf that came from. Like why are you proud of being a wage slave, getting taken advantage of by your millionaire/billionaire overlords. Compare this to my mother’s generation (she’s a borderline Genius X’er, she and her best friend were a year too young to watch Grease when it came out and had a random older woman buy tickets for her; she went to Prince concerts, took photos of him, then sold the photos on buttons at school, that’s her culture and teenage experience), where she’s insistent on her rights and entitlements as an employee, and these things she instilled me: “whatchu mean they didn’t schedule a break for you and you’re working 12 hrs today? oh no, you’re off, don’t answer your phone cuz you are NOT available!” There are Gen X’ers who entered the workforce at a time that America was drifting toward this corporate world, with more strictly defined regulations, roles, and understandings of labor rights (and also, let’s talk about how the 80s there was so much more attention on workplace harassment, misogyny and gender divides in wage gaps, etc. etc... not that much has changed, but at least it was talked about!). There are young people today who are taken advantage of because they aren’t as informed or don’t feel as secure and valuable enough to claim what belongs to them.

At the same time, those generations (Gen X and older) have a different viewpoint of hierarchies in the workplace and respect irt our direct supervisors. That’s how you get this blurring of boundaries between Work Life and one’s Personal Life that leads to common tropes in media written by their generations, where oh no! I’m having my boss over for dinner and the roast beef is still defrosting :O is such a “relatable thing” for them... meanwhile us younger generations are like I don’t even like that you know where I live, and if I see your 2017 Honda Civic pass my place one day, we’re going to have a problem. I think older generations have a different relationship with the word “Respect” than we do. Like, my grandma, who’s turning 87 (?) this year, and the other seniors in my area, they have a different concept of honor and an expectation of professional boundaries that I, and my mom and her generation, just don’t see (so then there’s something in common with Gen X’ers and the rest of us.) My dad grew up in a world where talking and acting like George Bailey and knocking on someone’s door with a big smile could get you a job, a job that could pay for college and rent no problem. My mom grew up in a world that demanded more prestige, where cover letters and references could get you into some cushy jobs if you’re persistent and ballsy enough. And I grew up in a world where potential employers literally don’t see your face when you apply unless they lurk on any social media profiles you have publicly available and they hold all the cards, and you need all those CVs and reference letters just to make minimum wage... so I feel like I am powerless in the face of such employers.

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necromancy-savant · 4 years ago

Text

Recently I gave into the internet ads telling me to come back to Runescape for its 20th anniversary. Back in 7th or 8th grade it was my first MMO and a game I was totally hooked on for a few years. I think I played the most from about 2004-2007 and last played in 2009. After two weeks of being completely unable to tear myself away from it, I’ve compiled my thoughts into a pros and cons list, compared to what I remember from middle/high school.

Pros:

Leveling is way faster. I don’t think it’s just that I’m better at video games now or that you can easily get xp lamps from the Treasure Hunter mini game (in fact, the easiest way I’ve found to level is to complete quests to get Treasure Hunter keys and then use the xp rewards on combat skills), the levels themselves just go up faster even when you’re doing them normally. This is great for me as a returning player because I’m now getting close to being back to where I was without having to spend months or years getting there.

You can also make money faster and easier. Everything costs more but you also get more money, so I now have 2 mil, but this has about the buying power that 200k did back in the day. Regardless, I can’t imagine getting 200k this easily back in high school. I did it mostly by selling random items on the grand exchange, getting rewards for quest point milestones, and mining and smithing.

The combat is more similar to that of other MMOs where you have an ability bar. You can choose to ignore this and put it on autopilot or just set the combat to work the way it used to. Either way the animations look a lot better and more varied, there are way more weapons, and you can dual wield now.

Most skills actually give you more to actually do while leveling them. For example, while mining, you have to click on different rocks periodically or they won’t yield any more ore.

You now start the game with tool belt that comes with a tinderbox, chisel, hatchet, pickaxe, etc. that is separate from your inventory.

A lot of the quests have been reworked and many new ones are fully voice acted. It is a little weird having the NPC chat heads come with audio while mine is still silent, but I just read aloud for my character and that’s fun for me.

The graphics, while still not fantastic, are greatly improved, particularly the environments. Al Kharid looks stunning. The human character models are a bit dated, but it’s come to my attention that they are in the process of completely overhauling them.

Character customization is less limited and in particular is much more convenient. You can change your hairstyle for free at any time, all the outfits from the in-game store in Varrock are free, and the gender wizard who can trans your gender (sorry, Makeover Mage) also offers services for free now.

The Free-To-Play content has gotten a pretty decent upgrade. Skills, quests, and areas that were once Members Only are now F2P (notably, the quest where you get a kitten, Burthorpe and Taverley, and most if not all of the new fully voiced quests.) There are a number of entirely new skills, but I haven’t really tried any of them yet. I will make time for Archaeology at some point.

Many of my cons are going to be “they removed x,” but the easy solution there is to just play Old School Runescape. While I myself have been too preoccupied with RS3 to play any OSRS, I think the community over there is actually larger.

The community seems very chill on the whole and is mostly just players trying to have a good time and help each other out. Everyone is just like, getting stoned/drunk and vibing in this game.

There’s an achievement system that will direct you to specific challenges and give you something to do if you’re lost/overwhelmed. Particularly useful in the beginning.

Fast travel for everyone, no Magic skill requirements.

The website itself links to a Runescape Wiki that has all the game info and quest walkthroughs you could want in one place.

The quests are still fun and unique for an MMO. Lots of puzzles and creative problem-solving, lots of twists and turns.

Cons:

They took away the random events. All those NPCs are now scattered around the world. The Sandwich Lady now runs a bakery stall in Ardougne.

The Burthorpe Games Room is gone. How am I supposed to play Connect Four using death runes as my game pieces so everyone knows how edgy I am? Actually, Burthorpe on the whole looks different and a lot smaller, but at least the trolls look really cool now.

They removed the Romeo and Juliet quest and now there are 0 quests based on Shakespeare plays when really there should be 37. We are moving in the wrong direction here.

The quest Imp Catcher has been revamped so that now the beads are based on the four humors and you have to recover them from imps that have swallowed them and taken on those characteristics, and yet for some reason they missed the opportunity to rename the quest “Every Imp in (or out of) His Humour.”

This is the part where I admit that I shelled out the ten dollars for a month of membership so I could revisit all my favorite areas. While many of the F2P areas have received massive improvements, not all the Members areas have. I don’t think Ardougne has seen an update since 2008, which is a shame since it was my favorite city.

The dark wizards in front of Varrock don’t attack you on sight anymore. Idk why this bothers me but I found it shocking upon discovery.

The cities and towns now each have their own coat of arms which is cool except that I disagree with the colors they chose. Varrock should be red and blue, Ardougne should be blue and white, Falador should be white and black, and Lumbridge should be green and blue. I could go on. This is every bit as vital to me as knowing which color folders/notebooks go with which school subjects.

The fast leveling does mean that practically everyone is at least level 100 and there’s not quite the same sense of accomplishment that used to come with reaching a high level. While it used to be very rare to see someone at the level cap it is now quite common. Still, this is on the whole a very small price to pay to be able to do more of what I enjoy without grinding for hours on end (for those who aren’t aware, you unlock many quests in this game by meeting skill requirements.)

This game is very British. I don’t think I realized just how British it is when I was younger. One of the primary downsides of this is that the aforementioned wiki’s quest walkthroughs call the first floor the ground floor, which is all well and good, but then they call the second floor the first floor and the third floor the second floor and I’ve gotten lost on multiple occasions specifically because of this.

While there is an “outfit” system that lets you override whatever you’re wearing with special appearances you can unlock through various means, there is nothing like the WoW transmog system which would allow you to override it with other in-game items.

Combat abilities are sort of locked by weapon. Like you can’t really do magic without a staff.

All in all, my impression is that Jagex has made a ton of quality-of-life changes while keeping everything that made the game great.

TL;DR play this game it’s worth it.

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elephart-hi · 4 years ago

Text

We are the Reader

‘The reader’ isn’t one person but rather a collective.

It’s is all of us

Do you ever just think about how a book character that doesn’t ~physically~ exist in our world still somehow collectively exists in the minds of millions of people world wide. along with the the characters whole world, culture and everyone and everything they’ve ever interact with.

Like... wowwwww

Truly how MAGICAL is that?!?! that this world isn’t there yet it still exists in all of our heads

Oh? What? You don’t agree???

Really??????

Are you sure?

Have you actually ever taken the time to just sit down and really THINK about it???

TECHNICALLY and physically these characters and their worlds aren’t even real...

and YET they still exist

They exists on a whole separate plane of reality with their own lives and culture... that millions of people across the world have also tapped into and experienced....

and every person who has also ‘tapped’ into that specific reality had to do so in the same way you did

By either staring at words on a page, or listening to someone else stare at words on a page while reading out loud

Every person who has tapped into that reality, has experienced every personal, private moment that you experienced while reading that book.

Every secret, every insecurity and every hope that the main character had in their head but never dared to shared with anyone else,

every single snippet of information that was included and meant to be between just you, the reader, and the main character,

every moment that drew you in and made you fall in love with the character and their world,

and every scene that made you, the person reading this rn, feel as though you were right there with the character,

that wasn’t just you.

That was all of us.

Bc We are all collectively the Reader

During that scene (you know the one) where all hope seems lost and your character is at their lowest and has never felt more alone

That wasn’t just you sitting there hurting along side them

that was all of us, the reader, feeling their pain

We, the reader, collectively felt every tear our character shed, and we felt every triumph too. We experienced it all and we experienced it together.

At this very moment, someone, somewhere on this plane of existence, on this planet, in this world we call earth, in what we call ‘reality’,

Someone that you don’t even know exists, exists.

Someone with their own life, their own struggles, their own book obsession and their own financial or family problems.

This someone not only exists, but they have no idea that you exist either

and yet you both sat there and cried and truly felt pain over the very same exact scene in a book you both just so happened to read

How can that be anything other than magical. to unknowingly share that experience with someone. someone that you didn’t know exists. and that before just now you didn’t even know u didn’t know they existed

Every time you have ever read It was never just you,

it was a huge collective experience that we ALL went through together... and yet completely alone at the same time.

Millions of people you have never met and don’t even know exist have had (and are going to have) that collectively experienced, that same journey you did while reading that book

An experience they are unknowingly sharing with millions of other people at different places and at different points in time, while still being alone in their own heads with only their own thoughts and that book.

Bc that’s what reading is isn’t

It’s in your head

And only you are in your head

Yet Millions of people have had that same collective experience in their own head,

bc when we read we are both alone yet not alone at all

We, the reader, are sharing this experience, this book, all together, at different points in time and in different places and in different languages all the while being alone with the book

Perhaps your experience was 5 years ago while mine 5 minutes ago. yet Still we shared it together stranger(, who I don’t know exists,) even if it was at different points in time.

By reading that book we found ourselves in the same alternate plane of reality and we started at the same point and we both went on the same journey together while still being completely alone and never alone at the same time

Perhaps it was my 1st time experiencing the book but for you it was your 20th time. Perhaps you read it in French and I read it in English (truly I don’t know bc I have no idea who you, the person currently reading this, is, or what your life is like, or that you even exist, or if someone is actually reading this) nevertheless we shared it together

(And here you are reading this post written by me, someone you don’t know and didn’t even know existed. how crazy is that almost magical some might say)

Does that not just make you feel Connected

Is that not magical

that's what makes fandoms so special

Bc its all of us coming together and acknowledging that yes it is US,

this collective of random strangers on the internet

whose lives I know nothing about

strangers who, for all I know, might be sitting on the toilet rn while reading this,

it is us

WE are the reader

And we are here to celebrate and share our thoughts on our collective experience with this book that we unknowingly journeyed through together while simultaneously being completely alone while doing so

WE ARE THE READER!

so go ahead

try and tell me that this isn’t magical

as if you, who is possibly sitting there on the toilet rn reading the thoughts of me a person who didn’t exist to you until just now, isn’t magical

as if reading this post doesn’t connects you, me and the millio-- oh wait

that's embarrassing

its just you and me

no one else read this far

they stopped reading ages ago

bad example neverminded

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #tog #the queen of nothing #the wicked king #the cruel prince #serpent and dove #blood and honey #mine #writing #2020 #november 2020 #books #reading

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fics-of-my-mind · 5 years ago

Text

Trust - Chapter IV.

'I mean...,' I bit my bottom lip, thinking about my next words. 'You definitely seem like someone who would lay a girl over your lap when something wasn't going your way.'

I could see him sharply inhale as an effect of my words. I was satisfied with the reaction.

'What else do you think I'd do to her?' he asked in a slightly rougher voice. He was keeping his cool, no expression on his face. I could feel my blush returning, but I didn't care anymore.

'Mark her skin.'

'Define.' It was more of an order than a request and I didn't even think about refusing to answer. I started feeling really hot between my legs and fidgeting wasn't helping anymore.

'Your palm prints would show on her ass. Love bites on her neck and collarbone. Maybe even your fingertips on her hips if you are rough enough,' I said slowly, weighing every word. As embarrassed as I felt minutes earlier, now excitement and desire took over my mind. Nick seemed entertained, only a smug smile playing on his lips.

'Would I also pleasure her?' he asked with a dark glance, still not moving his eyes and not shifting in his seat at all.

'Of course. She'd have no reason to be unsatisfied.'

Warnings: mature content, BDSM content Pairing: Nick Jonas / Other Female Character This fanfiction can also be found on Wattpad by fnntth

I don’t own Nick Jonas or any other recognizable characters. This fanfiction is completely fictional, its only purpose is entertainment.

Chapter IV. - Yeah tonight, I’m gonna fly

Nick’s texts are bold

Milla’s texts are italic

what are you doing?

It's Saturday

so Netflix? :D

Netflix

Ever since the first time he texted me, about two or three weeks ago, we've been constantly texting. It was nice, having someone to talk to all the time. Due to the 9 hour time difference between us, we weren't in sync at all. Most of the times I was already working while he was asleep and when he went to bed at night, I was already up, ready to start my day.

It was weird, a little bit hard to get used to, but still worth it. During the weeks I got to know little things about him, like in fact, he ate an omelet with feta cheese and spinach almost every day, that he liked to work out in the mornings rather than in the evenings, that he talked to his brothers every few days and he sometimes spent long hours without getting out of his home studio.

We talked about everything. Our likes, dislikes, families, jobs, dogs, our favorite Netflix movies or series, food, drinks, plus every random thing we'd find on the internet. The only thing that never made it into the conversation was Priyanka, which bothered me less than it should've. I've been home for weeks now, completely alone, only leaving the apartment for dog walks and for going to grocery shopping. The Face Time and Teams calls, as good as they were, never made up for the lack of human contact.

Talking to Nick took my mind of it almost completely. He's called me a couple of times, usually from his home studio – I guess that was where his wife would never bother him -, and we've spent hours talking about everything and nothing. On our third talk I've realized that I couldn't refer to him anymore as a complete stranger – I've shared things with him that I wasn't even comfortable sharing with my best friends.

I felt so free talking to him, letting go of my inhibitions and of the fear of the conversation turning awkward. I never really felt like this about anyone, and honestly the thought of Nick being the person who knew about my thoughts on the deepest level made me feel like I was in some ridiculous fanfiction. Things like this didn't happen in real life. They just didn't.

Maybe the knowledge that probably we weren't ever going to see each other again made me open up to him. Maybe the fact that he was married and there was no chance for my teenage girl fantasies to come true, made me act naturally around him. Whatever it was, it took my thoughts off of the quarantine and the current situation and I couldn't be more grateful.

I usually had this fear of being too much for the people around me. When I liked someone – as a friend -, I really loved them. I was the kind of person, who only had a few close friends, but would do anything for them. When I was thinking about those few people closest to me, there was nothing I wouldn't have done for them. I wanted to know about their lives, hang out with them and not being involved in something usually made me sad. And I was always afraid that this quality of mine would throw some people off, they'd thing I'm just too much, that I'm trying too hard.

So, I tried to keep it cool with Nick. Usually he was the one calling me and we'd only start up a conversation when he'd send the first text. After that we'd keep texting constantly, but since he was, well, Nick Jonas and he was the married one, I was careful. I didn't want to text him at the wrong time or call him when Priyanka was around. I mean, who would be happy if their husband kept texting some unknown girl...

how 'bout a call tonight?

haven't heard your voice for days

When he said things like this, my heart would usually start to race. Even though my brain was aware that there was a 0.0001 chance of anything ever happening between us, he was still one of the first few guys in my life that'd write something like this. I didn't mind it. It's been a while since I've had a crush on anyone, and who would be more perfect for this role than Nick? I've had a crush on him for the greater part of my life anyway.

Okay.

What time?

around 10ish?

My time or your time?

your night, my afternoon :)

Okay. :)

At the first time, I was so nervous when he has announced that he was going to call me. You see, I was someone who always found something to worry about. I was a mess. Then, into a few minutes of the conversation all of my concerns were gone. He's just had that effect on me, his voice was like a sedative for my nerves.

When I shared this with him, he's gotten used to calling me unannounced, not leaving lime for me to worry. It was better, and I've started truly appreciating it just now when my mind was all around the place again. He's left me about three hours to worry about nothing.

I tried calming my nerves with some series binge-watching, and the turning to my all-time favorite relaxing activity, my face care routine. I've cleaned, scrubbed, moisturized my face and the I threw up a face mask. It wasn't very effective, didn't make me any calmer but at least my skin looked flawless.

By 10 PM I was sitting on my couch, wearing some black yoga pants and a black top with only some sports bra. My hair was still slightly wet from my shower and I was wrapping myself up in my Harry Potter blanket when Nick called. On FaceTime.

Now, I was worried about all of the things that could go wrong during our call, like Priyanka walking on, or me saying something I shouldn't have said. Never has it ever cross my mind that Nick would just casually FaceTime me.

On normal days, I was wearing makeup. I was working for a beauty company, on a makeup brand, so any time my face was natural, I felt like something was missing, therefore I wasn't as confident as otherwise. Now there was nothing on my skin, except for some lip balm and I felt like panicking.

Not that the fact that Nick was FaceTiming me wasn't enough reason for panicking. I haven't seen his face for more than a month now – well, except on YouTube videos and on Instagram – and as much as I was looking forward to it, I was also anxious.

just answer it!

don't overthink it please

I looked at his text, and kind of hated the fact that he got to know me so well in mere weeks that he knew what was going on in my head. I so wanted to decline and call him back in a regular call, but somehow I could feel the authority in his text and decided that it wouldn't lead anywhere, he'd just call me back on FaceTime. After a deep breath hit the 'accept' button on my MacBook.

'You didn't mention anything about FaceTime,' I said with displeasure as soon as his handsome face showed up on my screen. God, I've missed seeing it.

'Thought I'd surprise you,' he shrugged, but there was a smug smile on his face. 'Hello Beautiful.'

'I don't like surprises,' I rolled my eyes. I didn't feel beautiful, not without makeup and in my home clothes, but Nick didn't seem to mind my outfit as he examined my face.

'Sush, you love them. Especially if the surprise includes me,' he said, all cheeky.

'Nick...'

'I just thought,' he started a bit more seriously. 'That we haven't been face to face since we've met. And it was time.' His face was honest, like he really wanted to see me. I bit my lips, thinking of a proper answer. 'I just love seeing your reactions,' he added, which made me roll my eyes again and earn another chuckle from him.

'Aren't you afraid that your wife will walk in and see you FaceTime another woman?' I asked the question, making his face lose the smile and the ease. I didn't want to ruin his mood, I was just worried. It wouldn't lead to anything good if Priyanka walked in the room and realized that Nick was talking to someone.

He pressed his lips together in a thin line and frowned. For a few seconds he didn't say anything, which made the anxiety in me rise.

'No,' he said slowly, wetting his lips with his tongue, which made me feel funny in my stomach. My reactions to him were ridiculous. 'Pri isn't home, she went to see a friend.'

'And what if she comes home?'

'I don't want to talk about her, Milla' he replied, putting the emphasis on my name. I didn't want to let it go, I knew that I couldn't let the worry go away completely if he wasn't a 100% sure that he was alone. He wasn't even in his music studio like when we usually talked, but somewhere which seemed like a living room. I opened my mouth, but he shot me up before I could say anything else. 'Milla.' My name sounded like a warning from his mouth and I couldn't help but nod.

Nobody has ever had an effect like this on me. I couldn't quite place it. Usually I was independent and stubborn, and wouldn't drop something that I wanted to talk about like this. But when Nick said, no, commanded that I let it go, I – almost – instantly obliged. It was honestly scary and it wasn't just about me being afraid that he will get tired of me. It was something else.

'Okay,' I agreed to his request, for whatever reason trusting that he knew when his wife would be home and trying to let go of the fear of her walking in. It wasn't a good feeling, I felt like a dirty little secret, even when we weren't doing more than talking.

'Good,' he nodded, satisfied with my answer. 'So I have a new neighbor.'

'Really?' I rolled my eyes. 'Of course, in Hollywood what would be a better program during quarantine than real-estate buying?' I said with much irony.

Sometimes Nick told me stories about the rich and famous acquaintances he had, and most of the times he'd laugh with me about the craziness. As rich as he himself was, he could still laugh at the crazy rich, like the Kardashians. It was surreal, hearing real life stories about people that I've only known before from Instagram and the celebrity news websites.

'You can laugh all you want, but people have time now to actually see some offers for real, and not just buy something that their agent recommends' he said.

'You're also buying a new house, aren't you?' I asked, suspicious about his answer. He ran his hand through the hair on the back of his head.

'I've been looking at some listings. Real-estate is always a great investment,' he shrugged. 'By the way, it's Encino, not Hollywood,' he corrected.

'Well, it's still LA, isn't it?'

'Yeah,' Nick nodded. 'So aren't you curious about my new neighbor?'

'Should I?' I asked, amused about his irritation for my lack of curiosity. Of course, I was curious, especially if he thought it'd be interesting. 'Who is it?'

'It's the guy who played in Fifty Shades of Grey,' he announced.

'Mr. Grey? Oh my God,' I grinned. I loved him probably much more than I loved the movie, since it was awful. When I first read the books, they weren't too bad though.

'Well, he usually goes by Jamie, but sure,' he chuckled.

'And will he move in, or is it just an investment?'

'I ran into him yesterday, he said he'll keep it as a holiday home.'

'I wonder if there is an RROP in it,' I said, only realizing what had just slipped my mouth when it was already out. I instantly covered my mouth, trying to take it back, even though it was only meant as a joke. Nick looked at me with a confused expression on his face.

'RROP?' he asked, and the tingling in my stomach has gotten worse instantly. Hearing him say the letters made me want to crawl out of my skin. I instantly regretted that Fifty Shades used to be a thing that I've fangirled about. 'What is that short for?'

'Nothing,' I replied quickly. I could feel the heat crawling up to my face.

'It's clearly not nothing. You're blushing,' he stated, and I had to run my palm through my face in embarrassment. Truth is, he was pretty good at making me blush, though he's never seen it through the phone. Now he could see everything on my face. 'C'mon, Milla.'

'Will you just drop it, please?' I asked in a small voice. I really felt embarrassed and he really enjoyed it, as the smirk on his face revealed.

'Nope,' he said, popping the 'P'. I groaned in frustration and covered my face in my palms.

'RROP stands for Red Room of Pain.'

After I said the words, it was quiet for way too long. I didn't dare to look up into the camera, and even if I was dying to see his expression and try to get a read on his face, I was way too embarrassed. This wasn't something you'd just bring up in a conversation like this, and even if we could've just let this topic go, I had a feeling that Nick had something else on his mind.

It both scared and excited me.

We've already touched on this topic, when back in Barcelona I called him dominant. He neither refused nor confirm it back then, but ever since we've been talking, he had some tells. I was quite sure now that he was, in fact dominating, just as I was sure that he knew what a Red Room of Pain was and I didn't have to go into details. Hell, maybe he's already been in one. Maybe he had his own in that mansion he was living in.

'Now why couldn't you tell me that?' he asked eventually, making me let my arms drop and looking back at the screen. He looked at me with an expressionless face, but I could sense the intrigue radiating off him, even through the screen.

'Well,' I started, licking my bottom lip. 'Because it's embarrassing.'

'Thinking about things that interest you?' he asked in his deep voice. 'I mean, from that heated reaction it's quite obvious that you're interested,' he added.

Honestly, I was interested in this. I think Fifty Shades was the thing that made me dive deeper into the BDSM world, to read about it, learn about it. It excited me, and even though I've never tried anything, it was a constantly part of my daydreams. Well, my daydreams in connection with sex.

'No, not thinking about them,' I shook my head. It was easy to open up to Nick about a lot of things, but this was different. This was something that I've only had a real conversation about in my mind. 'Talking about them is different though.'

'I want you to feel free to talk about anything with me. I thought we are over this,' he said frowning. He wasn't happy with my answer, I could tell. There was something in his eyes that I couldn't identify.

'We are, but this... It's not something I feel comfortable talking about with anyone,' I sighed, quite frustrated with this topic. I never expected the conversation to turn like this, but I could only blame myself. Well, and Nick for not letting it go.

'What? Sex?' he asked, raising his eyebrows, and as he said the word 'sex', I shifted in my position, feeling uncomfortable.

'Yes. It's just not something I go around talking about with everyone,' I shrugged. Nick looked at me for a long minute, with a gaze so deep as if he could see into my soul. I fidgeted again.

'No,' he shook his head. 'You don't talk about this with anyone. You've never talked about sex with anyone,' he said slowly, still shaking his head. I hated when he analyzed me.

'Nick.'

'I know you never had a long-term boyfriend, but not even with your sexual partners? Friends? No one?' he asked, and suddenly I was feeling like he was judging me. I didn't like this.

'I'm not a prude, Nick,' I said. I really wasn't. I mean, I don't really think any prude would be interested in BDSM.

'I know that,' he nodded, raising his hand apologetically. 'I didn't mean to be insensitive.'

I sighed. I know he didn't mean it, but this whole conversation was making me uncomfortable, yet excited. This was probably the first thing I felt weird talking about with him, but then again, it would've been uncomfortable with anyone else. Probably even more so...

'Of course I talked about sex with my friends,' I said eventually, giving in. His face was way too remorseful, and I didn't want him to feel sorry about bringing up a topic which was natural. Especially since I am the one that accidentally brought it up. 'But not about my deepest interests. We aren't that kind of friends that just share these things.'

'Do you think we can be the kind of friends that do share these things?' he asked with genuine interest on his face.

'Why do you want to talk about this so much?' I asked, wanting to understand his motives. It's one thing that I've had no one to talk about it with, but him... He was married for God's sake.

'Because I'm interested in whatever is going on in your head.'

'Why?'

'You fascinate me,' he shrugged. I looked at him with my mouth open. Fascinate. I don't think that was a word that anyone has ever said about me. Especially not to my face. 'Your reactions are really something else.'

I hummed, trying to process his honesty. I had no idea what we were doing, where this was heading to. But seeing the look on his face, I didn't want to shot him down, I didn't want to disappoint him.

'Okay, it interests me,' I admitted, jumping back to the original topic.

'Sex, or...?' he asked hesitantly, clearly not wanting to push me.

'BDSM.'

'See, that wasn't so hard, was it?' he chuckled smugly.

'But I think, it also interests you,' I added. I just hoped that I was in fact right and wasn't heading towards another great embarrassment.

'What makes you think that?' he asked, raising his eyebrows, but there was a smirk on his lips.

'I already told you Nick, you're a dominant little fuck. It shows,' I shrugged, with a smile in the corner of my mouth.

'Am I really?' He was smug, never moving his gaze from mine. It was a dangerous game, guessing. Somehow I felt like I was right. I also felt like he wasn't just going to admit it, but suddenly, talking about this with him, I had to know. So I had to find another way.

'I mean...,' I bit my bottom lip, thinking about my next words. 'You definitely seem like someone who would lay a girl over your lap when something wasn't going your way.'

I could see him sharply inhale as an effect of my words. I was satisfied with the reaction.

'What else do you think I'd do to her?' he asked in a slightly rougher voice. He was keeping his cool, no expression on his face. I could feel my blush returning, but I didn't care anymore.

'Mark her skin.'

'Define.' It was more of an order than a request and I didn't even think about refusing to answer. I started feeling really hot between my legs and fidgeting wasn't helping anymore.

'Would I also pleasure her?' he asked with a dark glance, still not moving his eyes and not shifting in his seat at all.

'Of course. She'd have no reason to be unsatisfied.'

'Elaborate.' Came the next command. I rolled my eyes. 'Don't roll your eyes at me!' His voice was still calm but it had a hidden edge that made me quail.

'Sorry,' I said, wetting my lips. His glance moved to my lips, then back to my eyes. 'I think you'd make her wait, torture her, refusing to kiss her where she wants you the most.'

'Where is that?' he asked, and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes at him again. Of course, he was going to make me say it out loud.

'On her clit.'

'Would I only use my tongue?'

'At first,' I nodded, feeling very hot in my clothes. I'm sure that my panties were already soaked with my wetness. 'Then you'd add a finger. Then one more. Probably a third one.'

'Would I also pay attention to her breasts?'

'I guess,' I shrugged. Honestly, I have no idea. Boobs have never really been a big turn on for me, but I guess for some people they are. 'And she would also pleasure you.'

'How so?'

'She quite likes to give blowjobs. She would lick you, then try to swallow you.'

'Do you think she can fit me into her mouth?' he asked smugly.

'No way,' I chuckled. 'We've all seen that photoshoot, Nicholas.'

'Would she want me to help?' Came the next question. I needed friction, I needed to move my hand closer to my heat, but I couldn't risk him noticing. We were just talking after all, it would've been super weird.

'Would she want you to fuck her mouth?' I asked with a dry mouth. We were talking about 'her', but we both knew we were talking about me. He nodded, swallowing. 'Yes.'

'How do you think I'd take her?' he asked, his voice now even deeper and slightly hoarse. It made me feel even hotter.

'Up against the wall,' I bit my lip hard as I closed my eyes and imagined the scene before me. This, I was good at, daydreaming, imagining scenes that haven't happened. 'Then however you can access her the best.'

'Would I be rough?' I swallowed at his question.

'Yes. She'd want you not to hold back.'

'Then she doesn't know what she's up against,' he said in his deep voice. 'Eyes on me, Milla.' I opened my eyes, only to see him leaning closer to the monitor. I couldn't see him past his chest region, but there was no way he didn't have a reaction. 'Do you think I'd let her be on top?'

'Perhaps,' I said, biting my lip. 'So she could sink down on you and you can completely fill her up.' I knew my face was red like a tomato, but I didn't care. 'But you'd still have all the control.'

'How would I make her come?' he asked, now breathing a little bit heavier.

'You'd make her come multiple times. With you inside of her, so you could feel her walls pulsating.' Thank God for all of those smutty fanfictions I've read, which provided me with the vocabulary, so I could perfectly express my thoughts to him. 'You'd pull her hair and play with her clit, you'd bite on her shoulder, slap her ass creating friction.'

'Would she be able to come with me?'

'If you get her on edge again, sure.' I resisted the urge to close my eyes again, rather I concentrated on the man on my screen. 'So am I right?' I asked.

'About what?'

'About you being dominant.' He licked his lips before answering, and I really really wanted to touch myself at that.

'I do like control,' he nodded. I was right, wow. I grinned at him and he ran his hand through his stubble. 'How wet are you right now?'

'Nick!' I gasped. This was something I didn't expect. We have been talking about an imaginative 'she' up until now after all.

'How wet?' he repeated, not seeming amused about my modesty anymore. He expected an answer and I've never felt this embarrassed in my life. 'Milla,' he said my name impatiently.

'Wet,' I said, dropping my glance to my lap. I couldn't help it, I just wasn't this confident person who felt comfortable talking about this face to face.

'Are your panties dripping?' he asked, and I looked up at him with shock on my face. 'I want you to check.' Our gazes connected and as much as I wanted to deny his order, something in me didn't let me. I dipped between my legs.

'I can feel my wetness through my yoga pants,' I said quietly, almost whispering.

'Good,' he replied smugly. 'I want you to think about the scene we've just played through when you touch yourself tonight,' he said.

Before I could reply anything in my shock, he disconnected the call.

#nick jonas #nick jonas imagine #nick jonas fanfiction #nick jonas fic #nick x reader #nick jonas x reader #jonas brothers #jonas brothers fanfiction #jonas brothers imagine #fanfiction

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turnmeonbigreddevilman · 6 years ago

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Hellboy alphabet

A/n: nobody asked for this but I am giving it to the internet anyway because there is not enough HB content out there! I was half asleep when I wrote some of these so they may not be the best but they’re what I got and I hope someone out there enjoys them!!

((GIF not mine))

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

HB is especially loving and cuddly after sex. He gets really rough and really animalistic in the moment so, coming out of it, he makes up for it with tons of kisses, hugs, and praise.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves his chest, if it isn’t obvious from the way he takes every chance he gets to not wear a shirt. He also loves his arms, he thinks they look nice and strong!

He loves your thighs. They are thick and lovely and every time he looks at them, he has to keep himself from imagining them wrapped around his head.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

His most favorite thing is coming inside of you, if you are down for him to. Of course there’s the usual precautions if you aren’t on the pill, but if you are and are down for it, he’ll pump into you until he’s almost there and when he comes, he’ll strain to press as deep into you as he can. Sometimes, if he’s in a particular mood, he’ll pull almost all the way out and then cum because he likes a good cream pie every once in a while (when he’s a little tipsy, that is).

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes it when you mark him. He may heal before anyone could really notice but just feeling you bite him or give him a hickey would damn near knock his whole-ass socks off.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He absolutely knows what he’s doing. That’s not to say that he’s been around, as he can count the number of people he’s slept with on one hand, he’s just a quick learner (and being a superhuman half-demon REALLY helps).

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Before the relationship is serious: Doggy style. It’s all about the pleasure and that ass. What can he say?

When in a serious relationship: Missionary. He’s quite the sappy bitch and something about seeing the woman he loves coming undone under him, making love to him and only him, is so fulfilling.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

For all the jokes this boy cracks, you would think he would do the same during sex but he is completely serious (if he’s sober). He’s a very lusty individual, and practically breaks down into an animalistic rut when he’s turned on/fucking. Expect mostly growls and groans along with some slight dirty talk here and there.

H= Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He has no choice but to groom it, have you seen how hairy he is in general? If he doesn’t keep it in check, it’s impossible to manage. He prefers to keep it pretty close-shaven, almost pornstar-like, but not in a bad way. It allows for a very nice slapping noise between the both of your bodies in the moment

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Once HB is in love, he is in LOVE. As mentioned above, he loves getting it in missionary because he can kiss you, watch you, and even whisper sweet nothings to you during very special times. He really is a big teddy bear.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He’s a male. He jacks off. Sometimes multiple times a day, but he always still has some energy left for you. Honestly, he’s doing you a favor by giving his hand a couple of rounds instead of wearing you out with his stamina and ability to go for HOURS, lasting rounds upon rounds.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Dominance. He loves being in control, making you behave, telling you how to pleasure both him and yourself. Do as he says and you’ll be rewarded.

¡¡¡Daddy kink!!!! (But he would never admit it unless you let him know you were also into it, if you even are) it’s all about the power aspect, babyyyy!

He’s also got a size kink. He LOVES being so much bigger than you. And his strength!! He can pick you up and manhandle you while also protecting you and keeping you warm.

Lastly, he has a kink for the sounds you make. Moan in earnest and it could possibly push him over the edge, depending on where in the sex process you are. Your sounds let him know how he’s doing as well as how much pleasure you’re experiencing. Whimper and he is 100% done.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

The bed, the shower, the couch, in abandoned meeting rooms, in closets while people are walking by outside the door etc.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Tease him with a short skirt and a sultry look and you’re in for it. He’s in predator mode, stalking you until he gets you alone. Call him daddy in casual conversation and he’s ready to go.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He will not hit/slap you during sex. He’s terrified he’d hurt you on accident because of how strong he is. If hitting/slapping is your thing, he feels bad that he can’t do that for you but he would rather not risk it.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He’s a little sloppy at first but he is a quick learner. Before long, he has you squirming when his head is between your thighs.

He does like receiving but he’s not selfish. He likes giving too! (Bonus note: please play with his balls, he will love it)

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

His pace varies so much just between days, rounds, or even moments. He can do both and prefers both, he just likes having sex with you. That being said, with his size and nature, his “slow and sensual” is not the same as an ordinary human man’s “slow and sensual”. By human standards it’s still quite rough, hence the ever-present need for aftercare.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Let me tell you, ANY time this demon can get his hands on you, he will if you’re up for it. He can’t get enough of you and sometimes, finding a room and taking it slow is not an option. Many times you have found yourself in a broom closet with him holding you up against a wall or shelf.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

HB is down to try anything that won’t get you hurt. Present an idea to him and he’ll likely be excited to try it out, he won’t hold back!

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Well he isn’t human, and he’s unnaturally strong, so that he can go for consecutive rounds upon rounds. You may tire out around 5 but he’s still got about 2-3 at LEAST left in him. Remember when I said it’s good he jacks off a lot? Yeah, this is why.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He never really had a serious need for actual toys before you. Sure, he’d been involved with other people but only casually and not enough to warrant a collection of things to use. During your relationship with him though, he starts collecting little things he thinks it would be cool to try, like blindfolds and ropes, as well as things he thinks you’ll like, like vibrators etc.

(Side note: sexy times when you’re first trying out the new toys are a tad goofy at the start because he’s nervous and trying to relieve his own tension, but as you both get into it, he becomes more of his usual, lusty and primal self.)

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Red is the BIGGEST flirt so you know he’s also the BIGGEST tease. He’ll slap your ass in public, put his hand a little too far up your thigh during meetings, and purposefully “forget” to grab a towel so that he has to come out of the steaming shower completely naked.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Dude isn’t so much loud as he is consistently making noise. He can’t be silent, it just feels so good, but unless he’s really feeling it, he’s not yelling either.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

HB loves when you come work out with him. Not only is it one of the few times he feels attractive (he knows he’s built), but he also gets to watch you work out, squats and all, and he always tries to act like he’s your trainer so he can get you riled up for the shower sex that may or may not happen afterward

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

HUGE. Big. Thick. Tough to fit in the first time every time. He’ll get you nice and ready though (wink wonk)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Moderately high. He’s a machine when it comes to sex, and it’s already known that he jerks it a lot and can last multiple rounds. Give him the chance and he’ll “rock your world any day of the week, princess, WOOO”- or so he once said when you were wondering about it.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’s a master at sleeping. As soon as he knows you’re good, he’s out. He’s got you in an iron grip, he’s drooling on the pillow, and he is GONE. A freight train crashing through the room couldn’t wake him.

#hellboy 2004 #hellboy 2019 #hellboy x reader #hellboy smut #alphabet challenge

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dr-astormylasthurrah · 5 years ago

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spam’s character design tips!

(various designs I’ve done! adopt characters belong to their owners, I only include them here as examples and claim no current ownership.) *disclaimer: it was 9 pages before i added pictures so i’m not inaccurate

If you would rather read this as a Google Document, please click here! (The document has more examples as well!)

Hey! My name’s Spam and I write Danganronpa: A Stormy Last Hurrah! You may also have seen my art for various stories and users around the Internet, including RATS: 252 Chances at Redemption and the Alca Ronpa series! You may ALSO also have seen my character designs, including those for ASLH as well as certain characters in Alca Ronpa and Kill the Joker: AnotheR Game! I sell adopts fairly frequently as well and have miscellaneous designs floating around the web, so I figured I may as well write something about my process. This is mostly oriented towards human OCs! So hopefully this helps someone!!

Before starting this guide, I’d like to give credit to gaiacseas/gokuhara’s “How I Design OCs: Do’s and Don’ts”! When I was designing the ASLH cast, I found myself coming back to this guide again and again. A lot of my points are the same as theirs, but I talk a bit about my own process, especially when it comes to characters that I revamp and redesign.

All uncredited art was done by me, including character designs. Characters belong to their respective owners. All other art is credited.

So let’s get started!

CONCEPTS

The first thing I’m going to say is that my character designs, especially those for myself, take absolutely FOREVER. I usually go through many, many pages of concepts and color tests before I find something I’m satisfied with. It’s a long and very constructive process, and if I’m designing a character for someone else, it can take weeks before we can find something we’re both satisfied with.

Alexei Ilyich Bazhanov, ASLH’s SHSL Birdwatcher, was a design-first character, meaning that I came up with his design first and built his personality around it. Although to be fair someone who constantly wears a feathery halfmask in public is inevitably bound to be kind of dramatic, so there’s only so many ways his personality couldn’t be influenced by his design. However, his design took a bit of a downgrade from his initial design to his current iteration, largely because of his initial design’s similarity to Tatsumaru Harai, ASLH’s SHSL Kabuki Actor.

In Tatsumaru’s concept sketch, you can also see the inspirations I cited for their design! I don’t consume much media, so the characters I cite as reference are often OCs in my friends’ stories. Here, I cited Minami Tachibana (Danganronpa: Dead on Arrival), Alix Murasaki (Ultimate Danganronpa: Supernova at Sea), and… Rhanahad Electricrone (Alca Ronpa 2), for some reason. I… actually don’t remember how or why any of those influences connect to Tatsumaru at all? Actually, for almost all of the ASLH characters, I scribbled down some notes on design influences and proceeded to ignore them. So maybe don’t listen to me actually. But design influences are good! Just don’t straight up copy them.

ANYWAY, as you can see, Alexei and Tatsumaru both had longish coats with balloon pants. However, I had better reason to keep these traits for Tatsumaru than Alexei, because kabuki acting actually uses these elements in its costumes. Thus, it made more sense to change Alexei’s design, although I do think that he would still actually wear that original outfit. It’s very himcore.

The point is that this ended up in many, many more drafts of concept sketches until I found something I was satisfied with. Like, six pages. It was kind of insane. It’s worth it in the end to make a polished product, though!

BODIES

(Admittedly, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the best when it comes to drawing distinct body types. It’s a weakness of mine that I’m getting better at, but I’m still not great at it.)

The #1 tip I can give here is to use shape language! This is what people use in pretty much all Western cartoons - ever think about how hard it would be to take Bill Cipher seriously if he was a circle? gaiacseas goes over shape language and silhouettes in far more depth in their tutorial, so I really advise looking at it! The basics are:

CIrcles/ovals convey softness and gentleness

Rectangles convey solidity and strength

Triangles convey sharpness and distrust

Combine shapes to modify the image your character conveys!

Also, just a tip: if you’re designing a cast of characters, please don’t just make them all the same body type! In real life, if you got any random sample of people, they’re not all going to be the same body type. Diversifying your body types helps a lot to distinguish characters from each other, too. Imagine if all of these characters had the same proportions as each other - even though they all have distinct outfits, you would have a much harder time perceiving them as different people.

If you’re going to draw characters of a body type you’re unfamiliar with, good for you! But first, take the time to look up guides on how to draw those body types. Studying real people also helps a lot to understand the vast varieties of body types. Just look at this picture of Olympic and Paralympic athletes from the 2016 Rio games - there’s already a ton of variations in “muscular” depending on what their sport is, and each athlete is optimized to their sport! It’s like that for literally everyone on Earth with literally every body type. There’s millions of ways to be skinny (bony? lean? malnourished?) or fat (most fat around their stomach, arms, legs?) or muscular (tall like a basketball player, dense like a weightlifter?) so make them count!

Also consider making characters with disabilities! My commentary on this as an abled person is fairly limited, but I will say to please note that what you think you know about disabilities is not necessarily true. This is in regards to their experiences having a disability, but can even apply to things you don’t think about - the wheelchairs most wheelchair-bound people use are not usually medical wheelchairs, for example. Research!!

On a related note, please don’t make racial caricatures or draw all your characters with the same facial features. People of specific ethnicities tend to (but not always) have certain features that are common to people across a regional area, but that’s no excuse to veer into drawing in the same way old racist cartoons are illustrated in. Again, there’s plenty of guides to help with learning about these! Or just look at the people around you and draw real people as practice. You’ll find the world is much more diverse than you think.

And speaking of references!! I’ve seen a lot of really good guides these days for drawing different body types and features! Go check them out go check em go!!

sdkay’s guide on drawing different facial structures (original post was deleted)

kenzandfriends’ guide on drawing fat people (original post was deleted)

nsfwbutts’ guide on drawing fat people (guide isn’t nsfw but their blog is so this is a reblog)

mel-lion’s guide on drawing black features

chuwenjie’s guide on drawing East Asian faces

“world of averages” - composite images of thousands of portraits of people from different places (re: certain facial features being common to certain ethnicities!)

calvin-arium’s guide on drawing characters in wheelchairs

Honestly if you’re looking for help just literally google “how to draw [character trait] and I GUARANTEE you there is a guide out there for you. While people not belonging to the demographic you’re drawing will probably not notice if you don’t portray groups accurately, those who are part of that demographic will be absolutely delighted.

MOTIFS

Motifs are a really neat way to make your character stand out in a crowd, especially if those motifs have meaning behind them! I mostly do this for adopts, but one of my favorite designs was Ophelia Zhang, a character I designed and proceeded to do absolutely nothing with.

She’s Medusa-inspired, as is obvious because of the snake motif on her jacket and the green hair/yellow eyes combination! Maybe you didn’t notice it until I pointed out, but now that I did, it raises intrigue about her character and her connection to the myth, doesn’t it?

Aside from Ophelia, most of my (own) characters aren’t very motif-heavy, but I like having common themes and patterns that run throughout their outfits at least. It just makes the outfit blend better. Some examples of this include Claude Bates, ASLH’s SHSL Violinist, and Chiyo Kumoshita, ASLH’s SHSL Cellphone Novelist.

Nonstandards are a great way of making a character Become Their Motif! Claude is based on snakes, specifically grass snakes - he’s got beady eyes, fangs, a grass snake pattern on his pants, and the combination of weird vesty jacket thing and striped shirt creates a belly scales effect. HOWEVER, he’s also got violin motifs! Most obvious are the f-hole patterns on his coat, but a more subtle thing is that his shirt has 5 stripes - a music staff (which sheet music is written on) is made of 5 lines!

(“so spam shouldn’t he have only 4 stripes on his shirt, for the 4 spaces on a music staff” shut up i realized i messed up his design too late. my orchestra director is going to kill me)

Chiyo, on the other hand, has a distinct cloud motif! This primarily is to match her surname (雲下 are the kanji for “clouds” and “under” respectively), but the other reason Chiyo has a cloud motif is because of ASLH itself - ASLH is loosely themed around the Shakespeare play The Tempest, and Chiyo, being ASLH’s protagonist, gets a “clear skies” motif. Neat!

OUTFITS

(“Incinerate” is the base for Puppet from Kill The Joker: AnotheR Game!)

There is SO MUCH that can be said about outfits and how I design them. The #1 tip I have is to look at what other people wear, and then decide what it is about that outfit you like so much! If you go somewhere where people are dressed differently from what you’re used to (a distant city or a foreign country), take notes! For me, some elements I come back to a lot include collared shirts, sweaters, oversized overdecorated overcoats, and cloud/sky patterning.

So here’s a little about what makes outfits distinct from each other!

Colors:

Bro this is SO IMPORTANT. There’s a lot that can be said about color theory, and gaiacseas says more than I do on the topic, but basically color conveys a lot about the character. Muted colors convey a muted personality, and brighter colors convey a brighter one! As gaiacseas says in their guide, however, this sets up a great way to subvert expectations about your character.

Protip! If you’re having trouble with a color scheme, just color pick from an existing picture! I don’t have any examples of this on hand, but I do know that sunset pictures are very yummy and I have a lot of pink/orange colored designs. Coincidence? I think NOT.

The number of colors you select is of course up to you, but personally, I don’t use too many individual colors for ease of creating reference images. Of course, realistically, no one’s going to wear clothes the exact same color as each other. Unfortunately for that realism, I am lazy and don’t want to color pick 10 colors, so this is how I live.

Layering:

This is the absolute #1 best way to build texture and silhouette in your characters! Step one, find a funky garment. Step two, find another funky garment. Step three, put them on top of each other. Step four, PROFIT.

The easiest garments to do this with is of course jackets, but they certainly aren’t the only garment that can be layered! Layering is just a matter of looking at clothes you would not usually wear together and going “I wonder what would happen if you wore this together?” In real life this is usually a disaster. But in the world of art and hypotheticals everything is fair game and NOTHING makes sense!

Patterns:

For when layers just don’t cut it! As far as patterns go, they could tie into motifs or just be a nice pattern. For example, Mal Jenkins is a painter, so the patterns on his sleeves, pants, and bag are based on Monet’s “Water Lilies”.

On the other hand, patterns could just be a pattern or recurring motif! The world is your oyster!

Materials/textures:

When combined with layering, clothes of different textures and weights can add a lot to a design! I mentioned before that I like designs with jackets, let’s look at a couple different hoodies! Featured here is Tristan McRae, ASLH’s SHSL Video Game Designer, and Hayato Kikuchi, Ultimate Parkourist (submitted to rebootmon’s Danganronpa: Zetsubou Panic!!).

You can see that Tristan’s jacket is made of much thicker material than Hayato’s, which is very baggy and loose. This already makes their designs a lot more distinct from each other! (They’re also wearing totally different colors so that helps too.)

Other textures I like to do include adding holes (like Spring from KTJ:ARG has holes in her coat), adding things onto fabrics (like Tsukino Chisaki, ASLH’s SHSL Flight Student, has studs on her coat and boots), and adding visible stitching (like Brendan Valdez, ASLH’s SHSL Flight Student, has patches on his coat).

Clothes:

Having a general idea of what clothes actually exist is a very good start! Such as:

Tops: t-shirts, collared shirts, long sleeve/short sleeve shirts, tank/tube tops, cold shoulder shirts, blouses, sheer mesh shirts…

Bottoms: Skirts, gym shorts, denim shorts, jeans (with and without holes), leggings, culottes, kilts...

Dresses: Prom dresses, casual dresses, ball gowns, formal full-length gowns…

Undergarments: tights, fishnets, garters, long socks, short socks, gloves, bras/bralettes...

Coverings: Hoodies, cardigans, overcoats, denim jackets, capes, ponchos, vests, suit jackets…

Shoes: Slippers, flip-flops, sandals, high heels, sneakers, athletic shoes, slip-ons, boots...

Accessories: Hats, barrettes, hair ties, jewelry, bags, headbands, belts, chains, suspenders, buttons, glasses...

So from there it’s just mix and match! Keep in mind the different styles of clothing as well - you can swap out things like collars and edges to create variety! There’s different types of boots, different types of skirts, different kinds of bags. The sky’s the limit!

No, I Meant Like Clothes Inspiration:

Oh. Again, keep an eye out for specific art inspirations! If you see a cool character design or outfit on social media, bookmark it! Just remember not to copy clothes exactly, because that’s called art theft! I have a storage Discord server where I keep screenshots and links of art and outfits I come across while scrolling social media.

I find that the best original outfits are a combination of different outfits. Take certain elements that you find cool in each outfit , then add a few elements of your own and stick them all together! It might take a few passes to work as cohesively as you’d like, but keep trying! The best outfits that take inspiration should look so seamlessly blended and original that they should only look like the references if you compare them to each other.

I also have a few characters inspired by songs, so sometimes I’ll incorporate the motifs of MVs for those songs into their outfits. I don’t really recommend this unless you’re 100% prepared to be called out on where the outfit came from, and I ESPECIALLY do not recommend lifting the outfit exactly. Again, that’s art theft.

Isaku Umitsu, my SHSL Kyudoka, is based on the Hitotsume-sama, Bun-chan, and Kulukulu characters from utaite Eve’s music videos Literary Nonsense and Outsider. Looking at them side by side, the inspiration is obvious, but when taken out of context, it shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind unless you’ve watched Eve’s videos 100 times (like I have) (take my computer from me please).

References:

As for references! Here’s just a couple that I found digging through my Tumblr!

My main blog’s fashion tag!

moatdd’s layering how-to! This changed my life when I saw it.

OSF Costume Rentals - period accurate clothing!

leaf-submas’s hat and skirt style guide, feat. Napstablook!

Jfashionmagazines - Japanese street fashion!

If your mutuals have fashion tags or pages, that’s a good place to dig through as well! They almost certainly have different styles than you do, so you’ll get exposed to a lot of different styles!

Outfits are a lot of fun and my favorite part of designing characters! Hopefully it will be for you too! :D

REDESIGNING CHARACTERS/NEW OUTFITS

Ever got a character design you love, but then decided you weren’t feeling anymore? Or got a character from someone you ended up hating? Or you found character art from 5 years ago and decided you hated it? YEAH ME TOO TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE!!

ASLH has four characters who were adopts: Ririka Kashizaki (SHSL Nail Artist), Sentarou Sekisada (SHSL Seat Filler), Hirono Ekyou (SHSL Oendan), and Ryouji Atsui (SHSL Caterer)! For a “complete from scratch redesign” I’ll be talking about Ryouji, who was converted from an attempt at design to a fantroll to an original design!

As you can see, I had a lot of trouble with Ryouji’s design. (It probably didn’t help that I didn’t finalize his personality until basically the prologue though lbr.) I didn’t really know what I was doing, and though I had the concept for the vibes I was shooting for, nothing seemed right. Around the same time, I bought an OC design from my friend Marti, and I was having so much trouble I was like “y’know what let’s just fuse the two”.

My process for redesigning OCs, especially when doing something like humanizing a nonhuman character, is to pick the certain traits I’d like to keep and change the rest. For Ryouji, the elements of his concept art I wanted to keep were parts of the outfit (the apron and vest) and the elements of the fantroll I wanted to keep were his eyebrow scar and the squares pattern on the jacket. Thus, when redesigning him, I made him have all of these elements! This was probably one of my favorite designs to make ever, and I’m really glad other people seem to like it too.

Weirdly enough, as soon as I finalized his design for his first reference, his personality almost immediately materialized. Which really just goes to show how much design can influence character personalities.

(Fun fact, drawing Ryouji’s reference was the first time I drew his final outfit, so I’m extremely grateful it turned out as well as it did.)

Other characters, like Hirono, only need a quick outfit touchup. I loved Hirono’s design already, and it fit with what I had in mind with her personality. All I did to change her was the same process I use to make any other outfit, see above. She’s an oendan, so she gets a hapi coat and school uniform… though, honestly, that original outfit is still super cute. I should draw it again sometime.

Most of the characters that I redesign as heavily as I did Ryouji are fangems and fantrolls that I buy from my friends, because I know that they understand my mighty need to redesign things. I try not to redesign adopts I get from other sources because I don’t know how the people I bought them from would feel about my editing their design too heavily; Sentarou and Ririka fall into these categories, so when I got them I mostly changed their outfits.

For me, it feels weird to redesign already-existing human OCs, but it’s also not impossible - Tristan, for example, used to be white. No I’m not going to show you the sketches for that and all you need to know is that it sucked, mostly because I was having a lot of trouble making him look nerdy but also nonthreatening. I think how he looks now is a good balance. If you ever get stuck redesigning a character, a race or gender swap (if either is possible tastefully) can go a really long way, and can even subvert expectations about a character! Just keep in mind dynamics and messages as well - if you have a strong violent woman and go “hey she should be trans”, that’s really not the best stereotype you would probably want to display in your work. Be mindful!

2015 (og design) => later 2015? (RWBY AU) => 2017 (AR3) => 2018 (DE:OPH

CAST BALANCE: DESIGNS

I wasn’t going to talk about this but then I decided I was gonna talk about it! I mean this is kinda a guide for Danganronpa characters, but this applies to any cast that is presented in a group. The characters in ASLH fall into a few different categories:

Created for beta ASLH: Chiyo, Amal, Tsukino, Ririka, Kanemori, Tristan, Tiana, Claude, Iris, Aster

Created for current ASLH: Ryouji, Sentarou, Alexei, Tatsumaru

Preexisting characters: Hirono, Brendan

The largest problem I had putting all the cast members together was revising outfits so that, as seen with Alexei and Tatsumaru above, designs wouldn’t be too similar. For the most part, I had vague ideas of what I wanted for each appearance; even the characters whose designs materialized fully-formed (like Tiana and Brendan) were edited slightly for cast cohesion.

I wish I could say I was responsible in developing all 16 characters’ designs at once so I could keep an eye on their design consistencies, but I would be lying. Instead, I finalized them and then posted them one by one. This was a double edged sword. One, I couldn’t go back and readjust colors or designs without making a whole new reference (which I actually did for Tatsumaru). However, because I was able to take a birds-eye view of my cast, I could see what design elements I needed more of - ESPECIALLY for color scheme! You’ll notice that a lot of the first row in my cast pic is very dark and grey-dominant, so I made a conscious push to include more colors in the second row of characters.

My one regret is not doing more talent-related designs. For a majority of the ASLH cast, you wouldn’t be able to tell their talent from appearance alone. In some cases this would have been impossible anyway (how do you convey to a Western audience a SHSL Cellphone Novelist through design?), but the only really distinct and obvious talent related designs are probably Tatsumaru (who probably doesn’t count because kabuki acting is maskless); Claude; Iris Sumitama, the SHSL Honors Student; and Kanemori Shionaga, the SHSL Football Player. Can you guess who they are?

Also, Alexei’s outfit should have been more extra. I still regret not making it so.

TOO LONG, DIDN’T READ

Go look at gaiacseas’ thing.

I do at least a page or two of concept art before settling on a single design.

Pay attention to body types!

Motifs can make a character look really cohesive and thematic.

Pay attention to what you like in outfits, too!!

Color schemes give an at-a-glance idea of your character’s personality.

Layering creates distinct silhouettes and can be done with more than just jackets!

Varying materials and textures makes the same garments look distinct from each other.

Making interesting outfits is as easy as mixing and matching garments.

Find outfit inspiration, but don’t plagarize!

To redesign characters, take the elements you like and shift everything else until it looks the way you want it to!

Balancing cast designs is a tricky process; going one-by-one is possible but has its ups and downs.

A LAST NOTE

In general, when you make a character whose life is different from yours - especially those belonging to marginalized communities - for the love of GOD please do some research about the experiences those communities have. It is a very bad idea to make them into a mouthpiece for your views of the groups. (SHSL Activists that are portrayed as unreasonable SJW strawmen irritate me to no end.) If you don’t feel you can portray a character respectfully, through either drawing or writing them, either a) research and listen to people of these groups so that you can or b) don’t do it, and maybe reevaluate yourself and figure out what about making this character makes you so uncomfortable.

Which isn’t to say that you have to be 100% perfect at everything, of course. In general, so long as the misinterpretations are unintentional, people belonging to the groups you try to represent tend to be pretty happy that you’re trying at all. You have no idea how happy I am to see agender representation in fanganronpa casts, especially because the Danganronpa OC scene likes to stick to hard gender binary balances. So it is worth it if you want to try it!

GOOD LUCK

And happy character creating!

If you enjoyed this document, please consider buying me a Ko-Fi or checking out my commissions! Or, of course, read Danganronpa: A Stormy Last Hurrah.

#tutorial #art ref #tips #character development #danganronpa #danganronpa oc #dr #fanganronpa #fangan #my art #my ocs #not aslh #spam speaks #long post #q

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arickert93 · 5 years ago

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Animal Crossing is Really Effing Boring, and I Love It So Much

I don’t know how many of you need to read this, but I definitely need to write this. Social media sites like Facebook and Twitter are abuzz with proclamations of joy for the game called Animal Crossing: New Horizons, or あつまれどうぶつの森 (Atsumare Doubutsu no Mori, literally “Gather Up! Animal Forest”). If you’re like my mom, you’re probably really interested in such a popular Japanese game because East Asian culture has become so globally legible in the past few decades.

So, for all of you out there who want some armchair knowledge of the newest Japanese game that’s become almost trivial knowledge to swarths of internet-users, then buckle up, buttercup. Here’s five reasons why this game is so good:

1. You Can Choose Your Gender, But This Choice Means Nothing

The game begins thus: you’re a cute little human (boy/girl/gender-fluid) on an airplane to an uninhabited island that you will be living on. Yes, you can change your gender anytime AND you can wear whatever clothing you like regardless of your gender. Yes, the metaphoric implications of a game about fleeing to a deserted island is ironically an extremely successful game during a time of global quarantine. Don’t think about it too much.

The island is owned by a cute raccoon dog (tanuki in Japanese) named Tom Nook. He and his two identical twin baby tanukis provide you with a tent and some basic furniture, along with two other random villagers who were on the same flight as you: in my case, a unibrowed squirrel named Airisu and an anteater whose name is like Makoto or something.

Together, Airisu, (maybe) Makoto and I began slowly exploring the island. The game lliterally tells you at the beginning, “do whatever you want.” You can run around, discover fruits, and visit Tom Nook&co. in his large, central tent that serves as a town hall. It’s a simple premise that becomes exponentially more interesting.

2.Tom Nook Is a Capitalist and, Yet, I’m Weirdly OK with It

Nook is all about that cash, or bells as the in-game currency is named. After a day goes by, he begins to make suggestions. You can use his workbench to craft furniture and other items out of resources you’ve found around the island. He teaches you how to make tools to extract resources from different objects on the island. You can build a fishing rod to fish (and sell the ones you catch to him of course), or a net to catch insects (again, sell-able for bells), or a shovel to mine iron and stone from rocks. For some, this becomes the purpose of the game: to generate revenue to enable further progress in the game.

But it’s, like, utopic capitalism. Resources are literally infinite (because they are not real) and no one is poor. The game is quite generous, offering tons of freebies that make even chopping wood from your trees an exciting experience. Tom Nook, and his deputy mayor, Isabelle, ultimately treat you like the Head of the Village, and the game quickly becomes more about sharing and having fun.

3. PETA is Mad about It, Which Means It Definitely Treats Animals More Ethically than PETA

Notoriously extreme non-profit PETA wrote a “vegan guide” about how you should not use the game to symbolically harm animals. Yes, the game features fishing, bug-catching, and clamming, and PETA claims that because this would harm the animal in real life, players should abstain from doing it in game.

It’s theoretically possible to avoid fishing and bug-catching, but it means you will only get to experience about 40% of the game. For example, there is a museum where you display the different insects, fish, and pre-historic fossils you find around the island, but to invite Blathers the Owl to your island and prompt him to build this museum, you must catch and “donate” these items to his museum where he displays them. Nook’s twins will buy fish and bugs, villagers will keep fish and bugs as pets. No villager is ever shown eating meat.

In fact, everyone is vegan. The only edible resource in the game is fruit which, when consumed, let’s you dig up and transplant trees (very nifty), or destroy rocks (which you should never do...). Even carnivore animals, like my Tiger Maririn, only drink fruit smoothies, or talk about protein powder, as my anteater “probably-Makoto” does incessantly. He, like every jock, loves to talk about being a jock.

4. I Weirdly Care About My AI Villagers?

I’m an Animal Crossing veteran. I remember when I first played Animal Crossing on the Gamecube at my daycare, the boy playing it with me genuinely asked me “are you a boy or a girl?” when we had to decide our in-game gender. I remember being so furious when he would continuously reset the game.

I remember, as a teenager, talking about my “crush” on certain villagers in the game with some guy I actually had a crush on. Nook, Blathers, the villagers, they’ve been with me throughout my life. I genuinely like them all.

And they have gotten so much smarter. The dozens of different animal species that can populate your town have some pretty sophisticated AI.

And they become your best friends.

Villagers give you presents, they tell funny stories, they interact with each other, and they have personalities. You can also give them clothes and they wear the clothes if they like it and it’s so precious. They’re kind of like tamagotchi, if anyone remembers that. Although, some of them suck, and that’s why you ignore them until they move away from neglect. I don’t have time and energy for everyone, ok?

5. It Helps Me In My Real Life

This game is easy to complain about. The gameplay can be laborious. The third-person camera angle is one-dimensional, so you have to structure your island to ensure you aren’t hiding things. It’s super easy to mess up simple procedures because your character is slightly facing the wrong direction. Your watering can breaks and you have to constantly build new ones. And, inviting someone to your island takes hours of menu navigation and loading screens (ok, more like five minutes, but still).

But, all of this is weirdly OK? It is a life sim, after all, and life is about balance.

The time in the game is real-world, which means if something takes a day inside the game, it takes an actual day. I think about my own time so much more confidently now. I know the value of focused work. I’ve spent hours of free time arranging my fruit trees into a giant orchard, decorating my tatami bedroom to the tiniest detail, and building flower fields devoted to my kangaroo, Mami, a single-mom with an everpresent joey in her pouch who actually waters flowers and teaches me useful recipes, and whom I cherish as my in-game soulmate. The game helps me stay focused and think about large-scale tasks as discrete pockets of consistent (sometimes unpleasant) work.

At times, it’s pleasantly boring. And boredom is the greatest place to find inspiration.

If you don’t already own a Nintendo Switch, good luck. They’re short-stocked in both the US and Japan as the COVID-19 pandemic unfolds. But for anyone who still hasn’t downloaded what is shaping up to be the best game of 2020, send me your friend code if you do. Seriously.

#covideogaming #quarantine #animal crossing new horizons #acnh #acnh community #acnh blog #blog #Japan #video games #genderqueer #gay #listicle

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