#these are my thoughts on Fargo right now lol

[sarabyfleetwoodmacmp3]

I do think that Dot was most likely like a step-mom to Gator and is not his actual mother but I think we’re forgetting that in ep. 3 it seemed like Gator didn’t know that Dot’s real name is Nadine, so If Gator was at least nine like a lot of the theories people have say I think he would remember her name?? So I think Dot left when he was much younger but I don’t know if it fits with the timeline of Dot running away from Roy like ten years prior.

[fizzigigsimmer]

Back At One Part 2

Pairing: Caligator, Billy Hargrove x Gator Tillman

Fandom Fusion: Stranger Things & Fargo S5

Dom/Sub au

*Title taken from this truly sappy love song by Brian McKnight that these boys would NEVER admit was kinda okay lol.

<<<<PART I

“When is that fella of yours gonna make an honest man out of you?" Dot asks, just as Gator reaches for the pans stacked on top of the fridge, and he jerks, pulling too quickly, sending a cookie sheet clattering toward the kitchen floor - he just manages to save it. Scotty raises the cover of her book to hide her face, but his ears work just fine and he hears her snicker.

"What do you mean?" he gripes as he fumbles with the cookware. This is what he gets for trying to do something nice for his boyfriend on his birthday. "Billy's already registered as my dominant."

Which means if Gator really does burn the house down trying to make this fucking cake, Billy can have the honor of identifying his barbecued remains and save Dot the trouble.

Dot’s giving him this look though. Like she can see right through his bullshit. Let's get real. She always could read him like a book and play him like a fiddle.

“Alright, lets bake this mother fu-uuning,cake” Gator self corrects, remembering Scotty at the last minute. Shit that was close. Dot only has a few rules for when they’re together: no talking about the past when Scotty’s in earshot and no potty mouth. She literally calls it that. It’s kind of annoying though, cause the kid is like twelve right? Gator could curse in three different languages by the time he was twelve. But apparently that’s not the thing to be proud of that he thought it was when he was twelve.

“Real nice save Hon.” Dot laughs at him.

“Yeah yeah. Let’s just do this.” Gator grumbles in reply, and they do. 

Dot ties an apron around Gator's waist and hands him a mixing bowl while Scotty eagerly climbs up on a stool to read out the recipe as they work. She’s only meant to be walking him through the basics of a simple white cake with Billy’s name spelled out on it, but somehow the kitchen quickly descends into chaos. 

"Okay, first we need to cream the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy," Scotty reads.

Gator dumps an entire stick of butter and a heaping cup of sugar into the bowl. He picks up the electric mixer and jams it in after, cause that much he can figure out for himself. Only it sends a plume of sugar into the air the minute he powers it on. 

“Holy shit!”

"No, silly!" Scotty giggles. "You have to soften the butter first or it won't mix right."

Grumbling, Gator fishes the hard butter out of the bowl and tosses it into the microwave. A few seconds later, there's a loud pop - because he’s a fucking idiot and apparently it doesn’t take more than a few seconds to warm butter. One glance inside confirms the worst: the stick is now a molten mess, and butter drips down the microwave door.

"Oh honey," Dot sighs, grabbing a towel to wipe up the mess. "Just grab another stick and leave it on the counter for a bit to soften."

“Jesus. Come on. Get your head in the game!” Gator admonishes himself, trying to shake off his embarrassment and the feeling of shame welling up inside of him from fucking up something so simple. “I have cooked before. I’m just -”

What? Nervous? Fucking stupid? What else is there to say when he can’t even melt butter.

Dot lays a hand on his back. She doesn’t need to say anything, and she doesn’t as she hands him a clean bowl and Scotty reads out from Dot’s phone that it’s time to sift the dry ingredients together. He upends the bag of flour over the sifter, and thinks it might be too much. It definitely is, because he doesn’t get more than a few taps in before flour has started to overflow everywhere, dusting his hands and the arms of his black t-shirt. But hey, some of it is getting into the bowl.

Somehow with Dot's patient guidance and Scotty's enthusiastic "assistance", they manage to get the cake batter mixed and poured into pans. Gator slides them into the oven, sets the timer, and leans back against the counter with a sigh, his shirt and jeans thoroughly dusted with flour, bits of batter streaked in between.

Dot chuckles as she hands him a damp towel. "Well, that was an adventure. I think Billy will appreciate the effort you put in, even if it's not perfect."

Gator wipes his hands and grumbles. "It better turn out decent after all that. I still think I shoulda gotten him something else though. Something big, to really wow him, y'know?"

Dot studies him for a long moment, and then finally broaches the subject that has been festering like a smelly turd in the corner of the room.

"Want to talk about what happened at the store today?"

No. No he really fucking doesn’t. Gator turns to snap on the faucet, thinking that he’d like to stick his head under it and drown himself right about now. He focuses intently on scrubbing the batter caked on his nails instead.

"Nothin' happened. She was a stuck-up bitch is all. Lookin' down on me like I'm nothin' just 'cause I ain't some fancy dom in a suit."

He hears Dot murmur something quietly to Scotty about going to get her things together, and grunts in acknowledgment when the twerp says a shy goodbye before slipping from the room. He immediately feels like shit, because Dot can’t really punish him anymore - it’s not her place, and she’s got too much respect for Billy to overstep - but she can take away the one thing she knows he really wants. He wasn’t ready for them to leave, but he can’t blame Dot for not wanting her kid around him when he’s like this.

Her family is not something that Dot plays around with, and Gator might be someone she cares about, but there’s a stark line between whatever the hell they are to each other and the beautiful thing Nadine - fuck - Dot, built for herself with her own grit and guts in the aftermath of the Tillmans.

He understands. He gets it. He does. And yet he still flinches when she speaks again, body somehow unprepared for her to still be there even though he would have heard her leave if she wasn’t.

"She shouldn't have treated you that way," Dot says softly. "But Gator, how you reacted wasn’t like you. I haven’t seen you do something that rash in a long time. What’s this really about?”

Gator's jaw clenches and his hands still, suds dripping from his fingers into the sink. The air grows heavy with all the things unsaid between them.

"It’s nothin'. Alright?" he mutters unconvincingly. "I lost my cool is all. Won't happen again."

Dot sighs and leans her hip against the counter next to him, arms crossed. Her eyes are filled with gentle understanding and he hates it. Hates how much it reminds him of his mom, and all the times after, when she was gone and it was Dot standing in her place, filling the void as best she could. Hates most of all that he’s never been strong enough to resist the comfort Dot offers and the temptation to fall apart in her arms. She was his safety, even when safety was a lie and she was just a kid who couldn’t do shit to keep herself safe, let alone him.

But no matter how hard Gator had tried, he’d never stopped needing someone to lean on and take him apart and clean out his rust and dust, to put back together again good as new. That’s his curse, the sub in him, which is hard to swallow most days but Billy makes it better. No one does any of that for him like Billy Hargrove does. Even when Gator makes it hard on him, Billy always knows just which way he’s bent and how to fix it. Yeah it bugs the shit out of him, but he wouldn’t know what the hell to do with himself now without it. If Billy left he’d -

Stop that shit! He flinches away from the thoughts, and reminds himself for the umpteenth time that Billy isn’t going to leave him over some dumb shit like a lame birthday gift. He needs to just quit already. Why can’t he make the thoughts stop?

"You've been doing so well lately, Gator. Really making progress in therapy, communicating better when you’re dropping... What happened today?" Dot presses again.

Gator's throat works as he swallows hard. His hands clench the edge of the sink, knuckles going white. He doesn’t want to talk about this but maybe it will help. God he hopes it helps.

"I just... I wanted to get him somethin' special, y'know? Somethin' to show him how much he means to me." His voice cracks slightly on the last word and Dot's face softens. She reaches for him, laying a hand on his shoulder. 

"Oh honey... Billy knows how much you love him. You don't need fancy gifts to prove that."

"Don't I though?" Gator argues, a bitter edge creeping into his tone. "He does so much for me, Dot. Takes such good care of me, even when I'm a pain in the ass. And, like when am I not a pain in the ass, huh? You were gonna kick his ass and like send him to the Gulag. How am I worth that?”

Dot laughs, giving Gator's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Listen to me. You are a pain in the ass, but only when you’re trying so hard not to be the sweet, kind, and wonderful man I know you are. You're a good boy, Gator. You always have been. And yes, at first I was worried when I found out your Saftey-Dom had a thing for you. Who wouldn’t be?”

Gator shrugs away her very good point - doms who are employed to counsel and provide subs with therapeutic care are bound by a strict code of ethics. Billy could have been in deep shit if anyone other than Dot had found out about their relationship before Billy stopped being his therapy dom.

“I kissed him Dot, and he never let it happen again while I was still just a case.” Gator laments. “That’s what I’m talking about though, all I could do was think with my dick - meanwhile I could have seriously fucked up his life. And he still took care of me!”

“He did. Which is what convinced me he’s the best thing for you.” Dot says. “It’s because he loves you for who you are, flaws and all."

Gator shakes his head, jaw tight. "You don't get it, Dot. I'm not...I'm not good like you keep saying. The shit that goes through my head sometimes…”

He trails off, shame burning hot in his gut. He can't even bring himself to say it out loud. But with Dot he doesn’t need to. 

She was there through the worst of it. She’s seen the worst of him. Shit Billy knows about, but hasn’t seen. Hasn’t really lived it, the way Dot had to live it, and maybe that’s why Gator’s been fucking everything up. 

Maybe he’s trying to see once and for all whether or not someone who isn’t trauma bonded to him will stay once they see him for what he really is.

"I know I'm fucked up, alright? I know I got a long way to go before I'm anything close to the kinda sub Billy deserves.” He tries to shrug off the admission like the words aren’t sending pain twisting inside him like a knife.

But Dot, perceptive as always, cups Gator's face, turning him back to meet her gentle gaze. "Oh honey... Is that what this is about? You want Billy to collar you?"

Gator's breath hitches. Hearing it stated so plainly sends a jolt through him, equal parts longing and terror. He jerks away from Dot's touch, arms wrapping defensively around himself.

"No! I mean... Fuck, I don't know," he stammers, the words tangling on his tongue.

Dot is quiet for a long moment, letting his confession settle heavily between them. When she speaks again, her tone is thoughtful.

"Have you talked to Billy about this? About wanting his collar?"

Gator barks out a harsh laugh. "No. No fuckin' way. He'd probably laugh in my face if I did.”

Dot's brow furrows, her eyes shadowed with concern as she clicks her tongue in admonishment. "I don’t believe you really think that for a second. That Billy would laugh at you for expressing your needs."

Gator's shoulders hunch, defensive. He keeps his gaze fixed resolutely on the mixing bowl in the sink, watching the dregs of batter slowly dissolve under the running tap. The sweet scent of vanilla and butter hangs heavy in the air, incongruously cheerful.

"I didn't say I needed it," he mutters. "I'm just sayin'... a guy like me askin' for a collar. It's funny right? Like, I’m not some needy bitch who needs a collar to keep from dropping, and I don’t need Billy thinking he gets to boss me around more than he already does. Guy’s an absolute control freak."

"Uh-huh and you love it. I've seen the two of you together. The way Billy is with you... It's special. He'd move heaven and earth to make you happy. To give you what you need." Dot says. Her voice is soft but sure.

Gator swallows thickly, his eyes stinging. He blinks rapidly, determined not to let the tears building behind his lids fall. "Sure. Why hasn’t he done it then? I’d put that shit down in two seconds, but he hasn’t even tried. Y’know?"

And the reason why is obvious. Yeah, there’s the fact that Gator doesn’t need a collar, but even if he wanted one he’s too much work, too damaged.

Dot sighs heavily, like he said the last part out loud.

"Honestly Honey, I think you should think about it from his perspective. With the way you talk about it... He may not realize how much this would mean to you. Billy does a good job, making sense of what’s going on in that squirrel head of yours but he’s not superman. Talk to him.”

Gator grunts noncommittally. Because hell no. He will not be begging his dom to collar him any time soon thanks, but he doesn’t want her to worry either. 

Dot says she has to get Scotty home in time to start dinner and he follows her out to the front door where Scotty is waiting with Dot's purse and her school bag. He sees them off with a wave and a promise to attend some talent show at Scotty’s school next week. Dot gives him a kiss on the cheek, urges him to talk to Billy one more time and reminds him that her mother-in-law knows the president, and really can get Billy thrown in the gulag if he really does laugh in Gator’s face.

And then he’s alone. Alone with his thoughts. Which is frankly the best way to be. Gator can think much more clearly about this now that Dot’s not here, reminding him of the past and making him feel weaker than he actually is. He can totally still salvage this situation. He’ll just make the cake really impressive. Like those 3D ones that look like real shit? Billy loves to chill with him on the weekend and watch that show where people try and guess which random item is cake or not. Gator’s usually tied up, plugged or gagged when that happens so his memories are a little hazy - but it doesn’t look that hard. It’s just cake right?

When the timer goes off Gator brings the cake out of the oven.

He whips out his phone and starts scrolling through cake decorating videos on YouTube, determined to find something suitably impressive. His eyes light up when he spots a tutorial for a realistic 3D surfboard cake, uploaded by some fruit calling himself Barry Bakes. He doesn’t really want to take advice from some dude with pink hair, a full face of makeup, wearing a sparkly crop top with the word TWINK encrusted on the front, but the cake is undeniably badass.

"Alright, let's do this," Gator mutters, cracking his knuckles. He fast forwards through the beginning of the video, impatient to get to the good stuff.

First step - carving the cakes into a surfboard shape. Easy enough. Gator grabs a serrated knife and starts hacking away at the layers, tongue poking out the corner of his mouth in concentration. Crumbs fly everywhere as he saws off uneven chunks. When he's done, he steps back to survey his work. It...sort of looks like a surfboard. If you squint. And tilt your head to the side.

Next up - the "ocean" frosting. Gator mixes a batch of blue buttercream, dumping in what is probably way too much food coloring, but whatever at least he softened the butter without blowing up the microwave this time.

Gator continues to follow along with Barry Bakes' tutorial, growing increasingly frustrated as each step seems to go awry. The blue buttercream frosting he mixed up is a garish turquoise color from the excessive food dye. It's also too thin and runny, dripping off the cake in gloopy rivulets.

He blames Barry, that fucking fruit, because if he weren’t so hell bent on turning everything into some kinda innuendo maybe Gator could actually concentrate on what he is doing!

"Shit shit shit," Gator grumbles under his breath, frantically trying to smooth the messy frosting over the lopsided surfboard shape he carved. It's a losing battle. The cake looks like a melted smurf.

Next, Barry cheerfully pipes delicate white frosting swirls and curls to create realistic seafoam on his perfectly smooth blue surfboard. Reminding the audience that big tips are better for piping, and everybody loves a good pipe.

Gator glares at the screen. His own piping bag is loaded with frosting that's somehow both too stiff and too drippy at the same time. When he tries to pipe, it comes out in sad, deflated spurts. He can only imagine what Barry would have to say about that.

"Motherf-!" Gator bites off the curse, chucking the piping bag down on the counter. This was a stupid idea. He's no baker, who was he kidding? He should've just bought Billy a damn gift card like a normal person.

Dejected, Gator slumps against the counter, hanging his head. Failure churns in his gut, sharp and nauseating. He can't give this monstrosity to Billy. He just can’t. Can’t bear to watch him try to hide his disappointment.

Frustrated and embarrassed, Gator gives up on trying to salvage the cake. In a fit of pique, he grabs a spatula and starts roughly shaping the blue frosted mess, not even bothering to smooth it out anymore. He carves angry slashes and gouges into the cake's surface with the edge of the spatula.

Before he even fully realizes what he's doing, the cake has taken on a new, crude shape under his hands - a lumpy, misshapen hand with the middle finger extended in an unmistakable gesture of "fuck you".

Gator steps back, breathing hard, and stares at his handiwork. The hand is far from anatomically correct, with uneven sausage-like fingers and a palm that curves at an odd angle. Globs of sticky frosting cling to the digits in gloopy turquoise clumps. The raised middle finger lists slightly to the side, like it's too heavy to hold itself up properly.

It's possibly the ugliest cake Gator has ever seen. So ugly it crosses the line twice and becomes perversely impressive in its sheer awfulness. A surprised, slightly unhinged laugh bubbles up from his chest as he takes it in.

This is what he has to show for his efforts. This fuck-ugly, lewd gesture of a cake, cobbled together from the dregs of his failure. It suits him.

“Yeah don’t know what the fuck else I expected.” Gator grumbles, despondent. He goes to the fridge to fetch a beer and tabs it open roughly, determined to drink thoughts of the stupid cake away. 

He’s not crying over cake like some lame ass. It’s whatever. It’ll probably still taste good, and if Billy doesn’t like it he can throw it in the trash. They’ll order a pizza or something and Gator will ride him till his dick goes numb and call it a night. Happy birthday.

Gator stomps to the bedroom he and Billy share and pulls out the trunk where he keeps his hunting gear from under the bed, because it’s been awhile since he polished his knives and that always helps lift his mood. He takes the trunk out to the living room and gets to work. Ques up his workout playlist on his phone and connects it to the TV so he can put it on blast.

It helps a little. Allows him time not to think. But the time gets away from him, because he doesn’t even hear the sound of the front door opening and closing. 

Billy's entrance is marked by the faint scrape of his boots against the hardwood floor as he turns the corner into the living room. He pauses briefly, taking in the scene before him—Gator, surrounded by an array of gleaming knives, his trunk spilling open on the coffee table, and the ear splitting rifts of heavy metal blaring from the television speakers.

A faint smile tugs at Billy's lips as the dom sets down his bag and sheds his leather jacket, revealing the broad contours of his chest hugged by a tight white T-shirt. The room is thick with the scent of metal and leather, a comforting familiarity that wraps around Billy like a second skin. He approaches Gator slowly, noiselessly, his gaze fixed not on the array of blades but on the man holding them as gently as baby chicks.

Billy casts a long shadow across the coach and Gator finally notices him. He jumps up, fumbling the knife in his hands which clatters to the floor. The music crescendos, a dramatic backdrop to the moment. Gator lowers the volume, and whips around to glare at Billy who laughs at the fright he gave him.

“Hey, Baby Gay.”

“Don’t call me that!” Gator snaps. “And don’t sneak up on me. I was like, this close to killing you!”

“Oh?” Billy arches a mocking brow. “Probably shouldn’t have dropped the knife then.”

“Haha. Very funny asshole. You’re lucky I did,” Gator grumbles in reply, bending down to pick up the fallen knife. “You know how sharp one of these babies are? With one o’ these I can cut through the shell on a coconut just like that.”

He flicks his wrist to demonstrate the ease with which he could peel Billy’s flesh off, and Billy gives him this look - like Gator is just fucking adorable - and it’s god damn condescending, is what it is. But it also makes the back of Gator’s neck tingle with awareness, and his dick try to get hard. So yeah.

It’s probably a good thing that Billy’s so distracted anyway. Because swearing at his dom is firmly against their rules on account of the fact that Gator uses it as some kinda defense mechanism to keep Billy at arms length.

Or that’s what Billy said anyway when he made the stupid rule. Gator doesn’t make the rules here, he just follows them.

“I’ll count myself lucky then. I think I’ll get a beer. You want one killer?” Billy asks, already on his way to the kitchen. 

FUCK! The Kitchen. Gator remembers too late that he forgot to clean up and do something with that awful cake and scampers after him.

Billy strides into the kitchen before Gator can stop him.

His stomach knots as Billy pauses, his gaze landing on the misshapen dessert surrounded by strewn icing bags, crumbs and powdered sugar. Slowly a grin spreads across Billy's face, and blue eyes sparkle as he turns to look at Gator, where he lingers hesitantly in the kitchen doorway.

"Is this cake trying to tell me something?" he teases, amusement rich in his voice. He leans forward slightly to inspect the cake more closely. "Is this your way of telling me you don’t want to sixty-nine later, or is it a failed science experiment? Hard to tell."

Gator feels heat rush to his face, embarrassment mixed with irritation bubbling in his chest. He knows Billy is just poking fun, yet it stings, tapping into that deep-seated insecurity instilled by years under his father's critical eye.

"Scotty was here with Dot and it gave us something to do. That’s all," Gator mumbles defensively, his words sharper than intended. Then, unable to stop the words from tumbling out recklessly, he adds, "Just thought it would be nice to share, but you don’t have to have any if you’re just going to be an asshole."

As soon as the words are out, Gator regrets them. Swearing at Billy is one thing, but lying to him breaks one of their most cardinal rules. It’s not just about respect; it’s about trust.

Billy’s expression shifts subtly; the playful light in his eyes dims as he adopts a more serious demeanor. He closes the distance between them with measured steps. "Gator," he says softly yet firmly, "That’s the second time you’ve pulled that tonight. Watch it.”

Gator snaps his mouth shut and fumes silently, hanging his head. God, Billy sounds so disappointed in him and it’s worse than he even imagined.He wants to puke.

“Did Scotty really make this?” Billy asks, and Gator can tell just from his tone that Billy already knows the answer, but he’s waiting for Gator to fess up to it. Gator shakes his head, hot tears stinging at his eyes that he blinks away as rapidly as he can.

“It’s for you.” He confesses, feeling a weight lift off his chest despite his overall misery. “I made it for your birthday, and you made fun of it.”

“I did.” Billy acknowledges too easily for Gators liking, but before he can say anything Billy goes on. “I could have handled that better. You’re right. But before we get to that, don’t you have anything to say to me?”

“No. Can’t think of anything.” Gator immediately denies, because how is it fair that he has to apologize for a little white lie when he only did it in the first place because he knew Billy was going to laugh. He knew it.

“Oh?” Billy’s face is impassive but he’s unhappy with Gators answer. It crackles in the air between them. “Do you need a reminder of the rules?"

Gator swallows hard, defiance battling with remorse inside him. He shrugs stiffly, avoiding Billy’s gaze. “Let's just forget it. I don’t need a lecture right now.”

“I’ll decide whether you do or not.” Billy’s tone is calm but carries an undeniable edge of authority—one that sends shivers down Gator’s spine and fear bolting through him all at once. “You know, I was looking forward to a nice night with my boy. Didn’t know I was coming home to a brat.”

Gator ignores the voice inside that screams for him to stop stop stop, barreling ahead in desperate angry defiance.

“Fuck you and what you want! Maybe I want a boyfriend who knows how to lighten up huh?  Sorry I’m not your perfect little bitch. Go cry about it to someone else!” 

His insides shake from the fear and lingering tension. Gator has just royally pissed off his dom. It’s in Billy’s eyes and the slow exhale of breath he takes. Punishment is inevitable. Gator longs to take it back but he can’t - can never take it back - and nothing will fix it. Or fix him. He’s all wrong inside and nothing works no matter how hard he tries.

But the thing is, Billy is safe.

Billy is angry and Gator is terrified and trembling but It’s nothing like it was before, in his father’s house. When the fear of a hand went bone deep and lived in his nightmares.

Gator loves Billy’s hands. They way they touch him. The way they hold him fast and glue him back together. They’ve never let him down those hands, which is why Gator is shaking like a leaf right now, terrified that they won’t reach for him.

He didn’t yell those things at Billy because he wants more space. It’s stupid, he knows, but he yelled them because he needs Billy to take over. He can’t stop himself running full speed ahead toward a punishment. Billy will straighten him out. He can trust Billy to know what to do even when he’s lost sense of which way he’s turned.

Gator’s dom considers him for a long moment, the silence stretching taut between them.

“Go in our room and get me a paddle.” Billy finally orders. Then, deliberately turning away, he starts rummaging through the kitchen cupboards - no doubt in his mind apparently that Gator will obey him.

Of course he does. Knees shaking, Gator stumbles out of the kitchen because now that he’s driven them to this point his skin is crawling with the need to make it right. He’s aching with the need to be good so bad his knees feel like jelly and it’s everything he can do just to follow the order. He wants to hit the floor - go to his belly and plead for his dom’s forgiveness but that’s not what Billy asked for.

He will be good. He’ll make Billy forget that mouthy idiot who talked back and clearly had shit for brains. He can be such a good boy. The best boy! Just give him a chance and he’ll come wagging his fucking tail.

It’s pathetic.

But it’s also a relief, when he returns to the kitchen a few minutes later with a paddle from their toy chest and sets it on the table and Billy acknowledges it with an approving nod.

“Good boy.” he says, and Gator’s knees buckle. He catches himself on the table, holds himself up with palms pressed firmly to the wood because Billy hasn’t told him to kneel yet. He forces himself to focus on Billy as the dom takes an empty glass vase inexplicably sitting next to a bag of rice on the table, and places it on the floor between their feet.

Gator watches warily as next, Billy grabs the open bag of rice and tilts it sending a stream of white grains cascading down onto the tile. He stops when the bag is empty and kneels briefly to stir through them gently with his fingers before straightening and meeting Gator’s eyes again.

“Pants off.” he orders, and Gator sucks in a breath. He doesn’t have to ask why, and doesn’t bother, cheeks hot with shame as he reaches for his belt and gets to work.

"On the floor," BIlly commands softly, when Gator is down to his underwear. The dom points to the pile of rice on the floor.

"Kneel."

And Gator folds like fucking cake batter, sweet sweet relief coursing through his veins. He puts himself at Billy’s feet where he belongs, where he wants to be and shudders, biting his lip to stop himself from begging for the dom’s touch. He hasn’t earned that. Doesn’t make him want it less, but he can be good for Billy and prove when he remembers how.

Billy picks up the paddle that Gator chose – sleek and dark, crafted from polished walnut. As Gator settles on his haunches, head lowered in submission.

“You picked the heavy one. My favorite.” Billy remarks. “That why you picked it, or do you just really need to feel it tonight? You can answer.”

“Want to feel it.” Gator licks his lips. “Want you to be happy.”

“Good boy.” Billy says, leaving Gator to wonder which he is pleased with: that Gator wants his ass beat so raw he can’t sit or Gator wanting those things because they please his dom?

“Alright Baby, are you listening? I want you to pick those up and put them in the vase. Count each one,” Billy instructs, motioning toward the scatter of grains. His voice is firm. It brooks no argument.

Gator looks down at the nearly indistinguishable mass of tiny grains and feels a rush of frustration. "All of them?" His voice is a mix of incredulity and unease. What if he can’t do it? What if he can’t be good and Billy is disappointed in him again?

“Every last one Baby boy," Billy confirms with an implacable nod. “Don’t think about it. It’s not your job right now to think. Just do what I ask you to do. Can you do that?”

Gator takes a deep breath, steadies himself on the sound of Billy’s voice and nods. He can do that. He can follow Billy’s instructions. He doesn’t have to worry about ho much rice there is or whether he can even find it all. That’s not his to worry about. Not his place. He just has to listen. 

He reaches out shakily to touch the closest grain, his voice barely audible as he starts, “One… two… three…” His fingers tremble slightly; counting each grain feels like an impossible task. But Billy never sets him up for failure - not the way his dad used to. Billy doesn’t ask him to do things he’s not capable of just to fail. He asks Gator for things he knows he can do, and if he fails anyway it’s because Billy wants to be there when he breaks. He won’t leave Gator laden with shame and misery that will eat away at his insides.

As Gator focuses on the rice, Billy steps behind him. Without warning, he brings the paddle down gently but firmly across Gator's backside. The sound cracks sharply in the air, followed by another count from Gator's lips that judders from the impact.

“Four… five…”

Billy administers each swat in time with Gator’s counting—methodical and paced.

The pain is not harsh but it accumulates with each slap—the stinging warmth spreading across Gator’s skin contrasting starkly with the coolness of the floor beneath his knees and hands. Tears prickle at Gator’s eyes as he continues—his voice breaks around “twenty-nine… thirty…” 

It’s more than just physical pain; it's a release valve for all he’s been holding inside. Every impact sends ripples through him, but it’s not just his body. It does something to his soul too that he can’t explain. Something he no longer wants to deny.

“Let it out,” Billy murmurs close to his ear between paddles—a soothing contrast to the sharp swats.

“Thirty-one… thirty-two…” The numbers start blurring together as sobs hitch in his throat. The task which seemed merely frustrating at first now feels poignant— slowly, bit by bit, Gator cleans up the mess on the floor, and swat by swat Billy cleans up the mess inside. He doesn’t hit Gator after every grain, that would be excessive. He takes breaks at interment periods, spacing them out so that it’s impossible for Gator to try and guess when he might start up again. The fresh sting whenever he does is brutal, worse in some ways than if he had just continued until Gator’s cheeks were numb.

“Two-hundred and ten…” 

Billy pauses, placing his hand gently on Gator's shoulder as he surveys his progress.

"You’re doing well," he encourages softly, and that little praise, that nothing bit of touch, is enough to break him. Gator chokes on a sob, hot tears spilling down his cheeks despite his best efforts to hold them in.

“Keep going.” Billy reminds him and Gator nods emphatically, tears dripping off his chin, because he hadn’t meant to stop. He was doing so well. Billy said so. He’ll never stop. Not until Billy tells him too.

With shaking hands Gator pinches grains of rice between his fingers and continues to count aloud between sobs and hits from the paddle—each number spoken is more than just an acknowledgement of rice grains; but of his submission to Billy. 

Billy’s little murmurs of praise and sounds of pleasure make him feel high. Like his head is floating in the clouds.

He loves subspace. Wishes it were easier for him to reach and he didn’t have to be taken down so hard. But finally he feels the familiar edges of it and the tears fall faster as he lets himself go.

Gator sinks into the feeling of weightlessness as it rises up to take him. Billy maintains a rhythm that is both firm and considerate, attuned to Gator's responses—his body language, his breathing, his blown out pupils and slurred speech. 

This is no longer about punishment. It’s a guided breakdown.

As Gator’s cries begin to subside into quiet murmurs and his ability to speak leaves him, Billy lessens the intensity of his strikes until he stops altogether. 

“That’s enough. You were beautiful Baby.” Billy halts Gator’s hands woozly still trying to lift rice and the sub sags against him. “You’re always so good for me baby boy.”

He brushes his fingertips along Gator's heated skin, tracing the raised welts along his buttocks and thighs softly, and making him shiver. Gator’s mouth stretches in a dopey lopsided smile, beaming from inside and out. He soars. Works his mouth to ask Billy to do it again - he can take more - but can’t get past the mushmouth.

The room is heavy with the scent of sweat and leather, the only sound now the quiet thud of Billy’s heart and Gator’s shaky breaths.

Hands roam over Gator’s back and legs, soft, soothing caresses that glide over his flushed skin. Billy leans close, his breath warm against the nape of Gator’s neck, whispering reassurances that float through his head like feathers.

The shift is gentle, a tender transition as Gator's breathing evens out and his trembling subsides. Billy’s hands are confident, knowing exactly where to touch to bring Gator back from the intense high of subspace. With each calculated stroke on his back and whisper against his ear, Gator feels the ground slowly come back under him, the weightlessness dissipating as reality takes hold once more.

Billy finally eases back, giving space for Gator to gather himself in the afterglow of their session. He cups Gator’s face tenderly, wiping away the trails left by tears with his thumbs. 

“Talk to me, Gator. What’s been eating at you?”

The use of his real name pulls Gator further out of his dazed state. He blinks slowly, focusing on Billy’s concerned face, grounding himself. “I... I’m scared,” he admits, voice still hoarse.

“Scared of what?” Billy probes gently, petting the long side of Gator’s hair now.

“I’m scared I’m not enough for you,” he confesses, dropping his gaze to where their fingers are entwined. He knows the words will hurt Billy. Make his dominant frown in the middle of his brow and start thinking of all the ways Neil Hargrove used to tell him he was a waste of space - too broken and wrong to ever take proper care of a sub. Nothing could be further from the truth. But if there’s one thing Gator knows it’s daddy issues and how they can haunt you.

But to his surprise Billy’s expression doesn’t change. He just nods quietly, still petting Gator’s hair. “Why would you think that?”

Gator hesitates, lips parting but no sound coming out. He swallows hard and shrugs.

“Listen to me Baby.” Billy says after a moment, fisting Gator’s hair between his fingers and tugging until he brings his eyes up. “You’re what I want. You. Even when you’re being a greasy dirtbag leaving your shit everywhere and blaring your candyass music.”

“Hey, lay off my Skyfire man.” Gator can’t help but smile, because Billy’s lips have curved up in amusement and they’ve had this argument a dozen times or more and it just makes him feel so good, that Billy pays attention to which albums he gravitates to depending on his moods. “They aren’t candy. Fractal is the best album produced since Reign In Blood.”

“Why are we talking about fucking Slayer, or Skyfire, right now when Ride the Lightning exists?” Billy growls, tugging on Gator’s hair until his scalp stings just the sweetest bit. “I should beat your ass again just for that.“

“Yeah. If you wanna.” he pants, eager, and Billy’s smiling mouth kisses him, hot and hungry. Billy licks into Gator’s mouth, possessive and sweeping, until he whimpers. The dom nips at his plump lower lip with a grin before pulling back.

“Don’t think you realize how sore you’re gonna be when you come down off this high babe.” He says. “But you heard me right? When I said I loved you? Cause I do. I wasn’t about to lose you before over shitty timing, and I’d never let anything take you from me now. Not Dot. Not him. Not anyone or anything. Okay?”

Gator shivers, but even the mention of his father can’t intrude on the blanket of safety Billy has woven around him, the sure way his gaze holds Gator and rings with truth.

“Yeah.” he sighs, breathless.

“Yeah?”

But it’s not good enough, according to Billy’s tightening grip. And fuck that feels good. Gator is suddenly aware of how hard he is in his briefs, but it’s strangely distant. Like he’d be happy to just sit here hard for another hour or more, letting Billy play with him.

“Yes Billy.”

“Good boy.” Billy's voice is soft, infused with a warmth that seeps into Gator's bones, coaxing his tight muscles to loosen.The room around them—their living room with its deep blue walls and plush gray couches— disappears momentarily, focusing all existence on their intimate bubble.

Billy lifts Gator’s chin so their eyes meet. "Nah nah, stay up for me Baby boy. I need you present." His thumbs brush under Gator’s eyes, rubbing warmth into his skin while he waits for Gator’s eyes to focus. "I think it’s time I show you something," Billy continues, when Gator’s gaze is clear once more.

"In the bedroom," Billy instructs softly, "In my sock drawer, there's a small white box. I want you to go and bring it to me."

Gator feels a jolt run through him. It shocks him rather unpleasantly back to reality, like he’s been dropped from a short height.

“Wait what?” he tries to ask, tries to think, because Billy can’t be hinting at what his muddled brain is trying to convince him he is. Can he?

“Shh. Don’t ask questions.” Billy warns. “And absolutely no peeking either. Just go get it.”

Gator’s movements are slow and automatic as he stands and makes his way down the hallway. This isn’t happening. Well obviously it is, he is on his way to their bedroom to open Billy’s drawer - which is strictly hands off unless he has permission - and get some mysterious box. But it’s probably like some new toy they can enjoy together. Maybe Billy went out and finally got those chains Gator found on that web store, the ones with the studs that dig into your wrists the more you struggle? He’s going to feel so owned wearing those. It’s gonna be great.

He’s convinced himself down off the ledge by the time he gets to the bedroom, but his heart hasn’t gotten the memo because it starts going double time in his chest as he reaches for Billy’s drawer. It slips open smoothly under his fingers which are trembling slightly. From fear or excitement, he isn't sure.

Inside lies a small white box, unassuming in its simplicity yet Gator just stands there and stares at it like it’s a bomb for a full minute before lifting it from its nest among Billy's socks. The weight of potential futures presses down upon him as he clutches the box in his hands.

He should be a good boy. He can just turn and go back into the living room and - Fuck it! Gator’s not kidding anyone. Least of all himself.

Before he knows it, Gator has torn off the ribbon and lifted the lid on the box to peek inside.

And there lies a beautiful black leather collar, its surface smooth and flawless except for the bold engraving of 'GATOR' studded across it in shining silver letters.

Gator stares at it in disbelief, eyes flooding with fresh tears. His heart trips over itself in his chest, thrumming against his ribcage like a caged bird desperate for flight.

The room is silent except for the sound of Gator's shallow, ragged breathing. Gator runs his fingers over the cool, shining letters that form his name, the studs scraping against the pads of his fingers sending tingles through him.

He lifts the collar, feeling its weight in his hands. It's heavier than it looks. He brings it closer, inhaling deeply—the leather smells rich and earthy. It’s the good shit. Supple and strong enough to take some serious pull, and yet the inside of the collar is lined with soft velvet, ensuring his comfort.

Something white resting on the blue lining of the box catches Gator’s eye. It’s a folded card, its crisp edge nearly taller than the sides of the box. Gently plucking it up, Gator flicks it open and scans, eyes widening at the one word message inside.

Peeker!

An unexpected burst of laughter escapes him as he wipes away tears. The simple word on the card speaks volumes, but so does Billy’s presence in their bedroom doorway where Gator finds him leaning when he looks up.

Billy is gazing at Gator with an intense mixture of emotions.

"Do you like it?" he asks, and there’s something like worry there. As if Gator might actually have shit for brains and do all that stupid stuff he’d told Dot he’d do back when he was scared shitless. All because he’d convinced himself that Billy wasn’t true - that he’d disappear like every other good thing has.

“Yeah.” Gator sniffs through his red nose, rubbing fiercely at his eyes. “Shit man. How long have you had this?”

“Since right after your birthday actually.” Billy confesses with an easy shrug. Like he isn’t just standing there admitting that he bought a collar for Gator and has been hanging onto it since September.

“Billy! It’s fucking March!”

“I know! I thought if I forbid you from going through my drawer eventually you would. I know what you’re like.” Billy said. Meaning of course he knows that no matter what, Gator eventually messes up.

But Billy says, “I guess I underestimated what a good boy I’ve got, huh?” with this soft look in his eye, like he’s looking at the best sight in the world and not his fuckup boyfriend standing in the middle of their bedroom in his tighty-whities.

Gator might be melting a little, which is why he has to sit down heavily on the bed before he crumples.

“Hey Billy?”

“Yeah, Babe?”

“I’m your sub…” Gator begins and Billy laughs, the sound loud and full of joy instead of mockery.

“No shit?”

“Come on, Billy please. Don’t be mean.” Gator whines, lifting the hand still holding the collar wordlessly and Billy finally takes pity on him and crosses the room to take it from him. Gator trembles, straightening up and bending his neck a little to give Billy room as he claps it on. He gasps a little, shuddering when Billy leans back and the heavy weight settles against his skin.

"You’re my sub," Billy repeats with finality."With or without this. But when you wear this, I want you to remember," he pauses for effect, letting his fingers softly caress down Gator’s neck and over the dark leather. "You’re my gift. The love you give me, makes me Gator, and I thank whatever lucky stars I’ve got that you came into my life when you did. Okay?"

A simple nod is all Gator manages in response; it’s all that’s needed. The smile that spreads across Billy's face is radiant—as if a piece has clicked into place within him too.

Carefully, lovingly, Billy cradles his chin and pulls him into a kiss.

It tastes sweet… like buttercream icing.

[nityarawal]

We left messages for Amanda and Debbie in Executive. Do you need their numbers? I prefer Amanda. 

She helped with the airbnb bank fraud last year.

I need refunds on all scams now Paige. You and Amanda settle this tonight. Judges want current bank statement to so they can forgive debts from local scams at court/bank & Sheriff- who got busted on foul play.

Thanks!

Nitya 

Yeah- California is the abortion & rape = baby factory State!

Could you please confirm this is a fake check? Sal has made mistakes before and seems sort of senile about continuum with BBVA since he's so new! Please let Idyllwild Town Crier know to stop Trafficking our peeps on Cons. They shouldn't advertise this and a murderer sex offender in one week right?

Could you send latest statement for my judges so they can forgive my registration fees due to PNC management robberies in covid with Mary Sue Haney.

This was bank fraud there. We don't trust the 22.7m federal employees raping our mothers and stealing. Please fire Sal.

Sent to my boss Sue-

Sal- the manager said it was a fake check and refused to cash it! He's a a**hole! I had to get Jerry Sue Haney fired. Do you want executive number? He's likely a fraud- not your check! Lol 

I will let executive office know. He's also had a senior moment about my last 7 years of banking there. 

Lmk if you can call them & fix it with Wells Fargo? Also- I mentioned I can't launder money in any way on the rental. I am on a state stipend- not enough- but they would've withdrawn my food and pay if they thought there was a way to Capitalism on us again! 

---------- Forwarded message ---------

From: nitya rawal <nityahuntley@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, Oct 17, 2023, 6:24 AM

Subject: Re: Resume For Driver Job

To: Sue Patrick <suepatrick112@att.net>

Aloha! You got all my responses via text? Did you get a place secured here? Are you still coming on 20th? 

I'm moving into a new place & seeing Dr's but will be available. 

Lmk if you need anything and did you send check? I didn't see anything last week! You said you'd send tracking too so maybe didn't get to it? 

I am most often texting. Email isn't as reliable. Maybe I'll open another acct. Tmobile also is spotty in Riverside. 

Country life is simple.

I try to exonomise and only run into towns when need to! (:

Hope packing is going well.

Blessings & Peace,

Nitya 

On Wed, Oct 11, 2023, 11:04 AM Sue Patrick <suepatrick112@att.net> wrote:

Congratulations You have been chosen for the Job you have all I have been searching for as an Experienced Driver I can't wait to meet you in person meanwhile I will be in Idyllwild , CA for the next 4 months. Anyway I am particularly glad you are willing to be my driver. I will want you to know that I will be responsible for the ( Car hire cost and the Gas fee)All I will be needing from you are your driving skills.  I also would like to bring to your notice one more time that I found a car which I will be renting, it's a Mercedes-Benz G 63 AMG ( 2017 Model )so I will make arrangements for the car rental and then will let you know ahead of time when it will be delivered to your address.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: My arrival date remains Friday 20th of October All flight details / itinerary will be emailed to you in advance prior to my arrival so as to give you ample time to get yourself prepared and ready.

PAYMENT TERMS: This is my second time, my first was 3 yrs. ago . I would be glad if you can help me check around for luxury apartments close to you, an apartment that is very classy and if possible has got a Jacuzzi, if not I am already working on securing an apartment for myself. Concerning the payment, I will send you a payment in the form of a check which will contain payment for your first week duties and the amount needed for the car rental. Once you receive the check, I want you to have the check deposited at your bank, deduct the sum of $485 as payment for the first week's service and then have the remaining funds on the check as payment for the car rental so they can start processing the delivery of the vehicle to your address as soon as possible.

Furthermore, I will be happy if you could get back to me with the following details of yours so that the payment can be issued out to you right as soon as possible and delivered via postal mail. Also I need you to confirm that your details and address are correct to avoid any mistake during delivery by the postal service company .

To proceed, email me the following:

Full name:

Street Address:

City: State

Postal code:

Cell and Home:

Age:

Alternative Email address:

I will appreciate your quick response if you are completely satisfied with the offer as I am willing to go ahead and issue out the funds by this week for the payment of your first week's service and for the car rental.

I look forward to your quick response.

Best Regards,

Thanks.

On Sunday, October 8, 2023 at 02:08:31 AM GMT+8, nitya rawal <nityahuntley@gmail.com> wrote:

Yes, I am interested in the position. 

On Sat, Oct 7, 2023, 7:20 AM Sue Patrick <suepatrick112@att.net> wrote:

Thanks for the reply it was highly appreciated, I will be staying in the area of Idyllwild, CA for 4 months your services will be needed only for  2 days in a week is a part time Job and flexible I don't think this will disturb your other Jobs,

Please kindly confirm the following questions to proceed:

1. Would you be available to drive me during the weekdays, basically on Mondays?

2. Apart from Monday, Would you be able to drive me on Friday ( evening shift )?

3. Do you have mailing experience via ( UPS or FED-EX )?

PAY: I am offering you $242.5 x 2days = $485 weekly.

A total of 6 hours per week .  

I will appreciate your swift response and get back to me so we can sort out details and proceed further, My Cell phone number is 206-259-5071. You can easily send texts.

Thanks and God bless you,

Dr Patrick.

On Saturday, October 7, 2023 at 03:41:24 AM GMT+8, nitya rawal <nityahuntley@gmail.com> wrote:

I am interested in the position. All sounds good so far!

Thankyou for the opportunity! 

I look forward to reviewing your proposal further.

Blessings,

Nitya 

On Wed, Oct 4, 2023, 10:51 PM Sue Patrick <suepatrick112@att.net> wrote:

Hello,

Thank you for applying. I'm glad to read from you regarding the Personal Driver job. I am looking to hire a Personal Driver Immediately . This is a great opportunity for a dedicated personnel with exceptional driving skills and stellar customer service. This position requires a high level of professionalism, vast knowledge of the surrounding area and traffic rules.  

I'm Dr. Sue Patrick, I'm from Newark, New Jersey. I am 74 years old, educated (Retired Medical Practitioner ),I'm cultural, have got a great sense of humor, good morals, very down to earth and with a noble character. I enjoy meeting people and making new friends, I can say particularly that I do have a very kind heart. Although due to my age I'm hearing impaired so I communicate mostly via text and email. Anything other than that I am fit and healthy .  

I will be coming to your city for the next 4 months for charity work, seminars and a little holiday for myself. As part of my trip, I will be going to leisure spots, cinemas, site seeing, Deaf Culture Seminars etc. I will be spending 16 weeks, so I am going to need a personal driver/chauffeur during my stay, The ideal candidate must be a safe driver with experience and also have some sort of mailing experience via UPS or FedEx as I would be mailing out some charity goods periodically.  

IMPORTANT NOTICE: My arrival date is on the 16th of October so basically I have just over 2 weeks to finalize plans. All flight details / itinerary will be emailed to you in advance prior to our arrival so as to give you ample time to get yourself prepared and ready. On the first day, you will pick me up from the airport and drop me off at the luxury apartment I'm renting. I want you to know that I will be responsible for the ( Car hire cost and the Gas fee ) so all i will be needing you for is your driving skills, that's all. I also would like to bring to your notice that I've found a car which i will be renting for you to drive , it's a Mercedes-Benz G 63 AMG ( 2016 Model )so I will make arrangements with the head office of the car hire company and then will let you know ahead of time when it will be delivered to your preferred location/house.

Hope to read back from you Asap.

Best Regards,

Dr. Patrick.

On Thursday, October 5, 2023 at 06:58:02 AM GMT+8, nitya rawal <nityahuntley@gmail.com> wrote:

[buckysgrace]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @jozstankovich

1.how many works do you have on ao3? 18!!

2. what's your total ao3 word count? oh boy.... 1,225,652

3. what fandoms do you write for? Stranger Things and Fargo currently! Although am wanting to write more of joe and dacre's characters i just need more content hehe.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Cruel Summer, Dancing in the Dark, Friendly Competition, Midnight Hours, Just the Two (Ok maybe four) Of Us

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not? YES!!! I love responding to comments literally will talk about my work forever so beware lmao (tho it's harder for me to keep up with comments on tumblr??)

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I'm really not an angsty ending person I need my happily ever afters lmao. Maybe Friendly Competition via Steve's pov (so sorry Steve)

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Cruel Summer I guess? All of them sort of have a happy ending in a round about way?? I am a softie, I have no shame.

8. do you get hate on any fics? Mhmm I don't believe I have. Although I have been called a pedo idk if that counts. Have had some comments about Kim being annoying but don't think it's hate just more so an opinion?? Honestly surprised i haven't gotten more hate about the stepcest but i see you freaks out there lol.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? THE NASTY KIND! Haha love it being carnal and needy but also soft???

10. do you write crossovers? whats the craziest one you've written? I have never wrote one but... who knows maybe some day in the future lol. I do dream about Billy as a Targaryen prince so....

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes but once I spoke to them they took it down right away :)

12. have you ever had a fic translated? Not any current fics but I do have some former 1D fics that may still be out there translated (god i hope not)

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? Oh yes with my love @sadhours one published many wips

14. what's your all-time favorite ship? Listen... Dramione is all time favorite. Also love percabeth now that percy jackson is out and reminding me of my childhood.

Ya know I also gotta throw in Kimgrove (Kim x Billy, thank you @cassandracorvo ) my babies

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Oh boy where do I even begin lol. I have a few threesomes (BillyKimSteve and BillyKimTommy and BillyKimAdrian) I have a few Harringrove ones I just cannot get to. In the end I guess the one I'd want to finish is this AU where Kim is married to Tommy but can't let go of Billy hehe

16. what are your writing strengths? imma say... smut. and making realistic ocs... idk lol maybe dialogue? At least I hope so I have mini conversations with myself when I'm writing out characters talking so fingers crossed lol.

17. what are your writing weaknesses? commas...i love commas... too many damn commas everywhere (but i love them). Anything involving fight scenes or angst.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I think it's fine? no real opinion I guess? I just would not try because I do not speak other languages and it makes me too anxious to trust google translate in case it's wrong lmao

19. first fandom you wrote for? One Direction omg... Zayn girlie lol.

20. favorite fic you've written? Cruel Summer for sure. Got me back into writing after a LONG pause. I'm just very happy with how it turned out too.

tags!!! (sorry i only speak to like 2 people so please if you see this and wanna do it I tag you too mwuah) @sadhours @floredaqueen @destroya-hargrove

[departmentofobjectoidstudy]

How did each of the members of DOS join? or Why did they wanna join?

Reply by Dr. Everheart:

I was initially hired upon recommendation from Director Fargo (not to be confused with Dr. Fargo, my assistant. Director Fargo is her father). I'd had the beginnings of an excellent career so far working for private sectors, and was a very promising newcomer to the scene.

Reply by Dr. Fargo:

I joined largely due to my father. I'd already had an interest in objectology, and with his and my mother's coaching, I had excellent grades in school, which paved the way to my career.

Reply by Researcher Wylde:

I saw an internship at the DOS was available to me and thought it sounded like a chance to blow stuff up lol. I didn't actually plan on staying long, but when I met Dr. Everheart, he seemed like such a fun dude to work for, so I made sure to get on his team, and now I get to goof around every day and occasionally blow stuff up. It's like my dream job!

Reply by Researcher Moore:

I was friends with Will (Researcher Wylde) in college, and he told me about this internship. After I got it, he convinced Dr. Everheart to invite me onto his team. I'm not really all that interested in science, but I get to fuck around with Will all day so it's a pretty sweet gig.

Reply by Researcher Skye:

I saw the internship available at my college and went for it right away! It seemed like such a fun learning opportunity. I was a general intern for a while, until Dr. Fargo noticed my work and offered me a more permanent position on Dr. Everheart's team! Tbh, I was kinda scared of Dr. Everheart at first, but he's a really amazing scientist and it's a really cool experience getting to work with him!

Reply by Researcher Hart:

I thought the internship seemed pretty interesting, even though it wasn't really my area of interest. I'm really good with paperwork stuff, so I took to the general intern tasks really well. At the time, Dr. Everheart was being pressured to take on another full-time researcher, so he offered the job to me. I'm getting my college credits online, so I don't really have anything else to do most of the time, so I decided why not, y'know?

[bisluthq]

Oh wait! Maybe the AHS thing was because there was one season that tied into another season so there were a lot of characters that were coming back. I think that was it! It wasn’t the actors, it was the main characters. That’s why it was being brought up, because Jennifer Coolidge played the same character in both seasons and people said it was unfair that they were allowed to put it into limited, but her character was seen as supporting so it was allowed? I think that was it. I do think limited should be only for shows that are literally just one season with, at most, some sort of spin off that is also one season but different enough. Fargo should go into drama. I have just checked and True Detective was nominated in drama back in 2014 but is now there as Limited. I haven’t seen it but isn’t that an anthology as well? It’s all a mess

I honestly think they need to rethink the limited categories in general in the streaming age tbh because it’s just SO stacked and some shit (Fargo) really doesn’t belong there at all lol. There was also a point (in my online life so like relatively recently) where TV movies were also in that category and they fixed THAT but like Black Mirror now goes into TV movie and is it a TV movie if it’s… a longform show?

like I know this started with the comedy/drama debate which I’m honestly if I think about it not THAT fucked off about because the best shows do both right like some of the greatest sitcom episodes are around tragedy and sometimes dark ass shows are hilarious (Breaking Bad is endlessly memeable) so I guess it’s fair to say like the creator’s intention is what matters more than anything else. Was it to be funny or to be thought provoking yk? And then fair play.

but the anthology/limited categories are just straight up bullshit for the last 5-10 years.

[breakersmansh]

June 17, 2023 / 17 Ògmhios 2566 EB

Hey dude and everyone, how was your day? Happy holiday coming up this weekend. Someone at the beach says there’s a holiday this weekend. Enjoy :) 🫂🙂👋 oh, and then Juneteenth is Monday? I I didn’t know what Juneteenth was until college. Texas thing that became a national holiday—wild.

Weather in Chicago is .

My dad doesn’t talk to me very much ever since an awkward Christmas in 2020. There were a couple of Jews at BYU. Inhale, exhale. He’s sick though and I need to remember to call his name into the Boston Mass temple. She’s the temple who makes the most sense to me right now. Southern New England is a place very home to me. Among people, I think a lot about this guy named Noah Steinman. Noah Boah. Just this guy from middle school. Him and his friend MegN Meg in Connecticut. Ice ive I’ve mostly been to East Hartford and to Old Saybrool k Saybrook way in the southeastern corner, to go to Wells Fargo. Sometimes I cry out, "Noah!" "Trusty!" Richard Bushman says in Rough Stone Rolling that Noah is the archangel Gabriel or somethhi b something — he has this one paragraph where he lists out seven archangels. Is this Columbia tomfoolery, or sonethi even something even more dark and disturbing within Utah history? What would my life have been like if I had gone to Bowdoin? One of my childhood best friends, Ethan, went to—he says I don’t remember the name of his college. Our most recent convo was great. Over a year ago but great. He was posting an Instagram story of himself sitting in traffic and I told myself a joke that he was filming porn lol. Sitting in traffic and bragging about how he kicked his boyfriend out. Lol it was he was hot. Sitting in traffic on the way to a ski resort. Hard to explain why I would call that porn. I just — I mentioned that Idaho has a ski basin called Bogus Basin, and he expressed annoyance. I used to say this phrase while living in Idaho — "and the Catholics in North Idaho are so annoyed that [we] changed the time zone to an entirely separate time zone to distinguish ourselves from the rest of the state." Pulled from F. Ross Peterson’s history of Idaho. He wrote a cool book called Christmas in Montpelier. Montpelier was about an hour east of where I lived in southern Idaho. Small town Idaho. Hm. I re — I’ve told enough stories. My neighbor Molly and her husband were very great neighbors. Me, them, and a woman from my high school named Jill, celebrated a Jewish holiday called Tubishevat together in 2021. The New Year for Trees.

I need to think about where whether that phrase is anti-Catholic. A few sentences up, about changing the time zone. Cause North Idaho is in PacificTime and the rest of Idaho is in Mountain Time. She was a fun phrase to say; that phase was entirely before I met Reap though. There are Facebook groups called "Moving to North Idaho" and such. I was sad that I lived in Southern Idaho, and one of my friends from BYU made sure to police me. She hasd had a rough experience at BYU. Maybe going on a date w/ me was one of the more uplifting parts. I almost made him to North Idaho.

I had a pretty peaceful Saturday. Wandered around the city a bunch. Practiced some DVT DBT skills. Found a Modelo beer can, Kurt’s fav beer brand five years ago, by the beach. Picked her up to either recycle her or keep her as a memento. With the way I’m using him/her/they/them instead of it, when possible, makes me think about how most words in French are gendered. I was supposed to do this speech therapy gender-affirming clinic, although he seems like I’m somewhat figuring her out on my own.

Said hello to the ladies a lot today, and they were really fun to talk to. Other hangers Gen genders as well.

My staffer at the pizza shop was sad.

I thought of writing a Wikipedia article about this Prep Tumblr phenomenon I keep talking about. This group from 201-

2012-2015 or so on Tumblr. I’m probably gonna invite my friends C (Chrissy) and A(Alexandria) as well. So funny. They were on Tumblr with me—I bet some of you were on Prep Tumblr too or Tumblr Tumblr. There was a woman named phdprep who both kept me willing to get out of bed, during the toughest parts of college, and also directly inspired my fashion choices when I got a job at Utah State University. I remember one night she kept prodding and prodding and liking my posts until she knew I was willing to keep trying— that’s a behavior mentioned on r/raisedbynarcissists and I think it’s true that peers motivati no and motivating and supporting each other feels different from child psychology. Right now, certain — there was also this dude drink the talk / drinkthentalk/ imactuallyagoodkid. Catholicboysintrouble needs to and maybe will get a full page to itself. It’s cool how just browsing the internet you can learn a bunch. 50starsand13bars, which inspired the first subreddit I became a mod of. If ppl ar e not interested in Prep Tumblr, there’s so much to say about Tumblr or internet culture in general. You know how Wikipedia articles have hyperlinks within them to other stuff? Other topics include porn on Tumblr, Yahoo’s CEO and her optimistic attempts to buy Tumblr, and much else that anyone else may want.

Reaper, Scurius, ifoundxaway, bythepalemoonlight, and anyone else interested are deffy welcome

For broey, if this is the last chance I get. Love you platonically. My Tumblr is named after a mansion in Rhode Island called The Breakers — breakersmansh. It’s she’s a little raunchy. My posts will be there if you want or need to take Reddit for Men to the next level. I’m here with you in solidarity.

I’m stoked to go to bed. Have a gentle Sunday or fun Sunday, whatevski. Mine will be gentle. My head hurts, in a good way.

Kurt and I had gotten into a mild argument at the dinner table—Taco Tuesday, Cameron’s favorite—about whether he should drink and drive. He won the argument, and I still remember the brand name of that beer, Modelo, to this day. We had this inside joke called Park City Gentlemen’s Club, and I passed a Gentlemen’s Club while I was wandering the city today—realized how much better our club was. Lots of better memories w/ Reap this past year too.

It is checking hecking chilly in this city. Hope tou had you had a good day. Love you, good night. I’m planning to post daily. Sometimes for Jewish holidays I might abstain, or when I’m in the hospital, jail (gosh forbid), or on a cruise ship with no internet or something. This year I learned why some people observe Passover by taking the whole 7 or 8 days off of work. It’s because he’s because Jewish life can be exhausting. Stoked for Cath Sab. 😍🥰😍🥳 Seems like ppl are gonna use biolenvd, violence, emotional pressure, and logical arguments, to keep Judaism alive one way or other after the Holocaust. G-d judges; who am I to judge?

I wore Nike and she felt great. Nike blue shorts that smell like butt, and that was refreshing. Some Elon Musk in my life, lol. Taking a break from Abercrombie Fierce for a while. Kurt worked at te the Nike store. I didn’t mention that because she’s a minor detail. There was a big outlet mall, like Wrentham or the other one that starts with a W, and many stores to choose from. Considering becoming a Nike person; Nike worked great for CrossFit. Maybe to wear Nike around too. I’m wearing a Ralph Lauren long sleeve grey tee from Wrentham that coat coat cost like $12 or $20 bucks. They have all kinds of discounts. I remember from that day, August 2022, just talking to the staffers there and searching hard for what I wanted. I bought a rugby shirt that ended up being a source of warmth and comfort during the rough Rhode Island winter—Reaper was right, winters near there are rough. So many of the concepts I tried to enact as a teenager, fashion wise are coming together now, and that’s awesome. A lot of my teenage fashion was clumsy and awkward for numerous reasons.

Good night. Happy holiday. Hope your Sundays are great. Love

Gonna read one chapter from the Book of Mormon. I think I’m on 1 Nephi 6. Or 1 Nephi 3. This read through will be very slow and painful for multiple reasons. Ppl are invited to read with me if you want. She’s ultimately just a banned book, like many books on the Index Library Prohibitorum. Banned books are kind of a librarian value, although right now I’m actually scared to even go inside public libraries. I went to public libraries a bunch during the pandemic though. University libraries are my fav, followed — are my fav. Go figure. Slainte

If I did go inside a public library, I would want to read Angels in America because I think it he would help me refine my intellectual conclusions about the epistemology of Utah psychiatry. The Hercules Disney movie would probably accomplish a similar effect. I don’t know exactly what Angels I’m A In America is about. Just—just—I know the book is vaguely thematically relevant to what Utah psychiatry is about. Not referring to the grandfather figure saying "show me you can behave!!!!!!!" which makes me laugh so hard. His commentary. You can laugh about hos his sex joke and find comic relief from Utah, or you can think about fundamentalist polygamous groups in Utah where the grandfather has sex with his granddaughter—perhaps that’s only Warren Jeffs. I’m grateful to Reap for helping me with many stuff and just also adding complexit y to my psychiatry opinions. 👋🙂🏈

Of course, Michel Foucault ‘a ‘s commentary on psychiatry: History of Sexuality: Discipline and Punish. I remember being so shocked at age 18 that no one in psychiatry had read that book. Swirls on me and good preview of my entire adulthood, lol. My entire adulthood so far at least :)

Nite ☘️ miss you, hope you had a rad day, if not hope tomorrow gets better. Available to be decked or spoken to :)

[mariacallous]

Dear ms callous, one of my mutuals-in-law is supremely annoying in so so so many ways but is also a very bright person with an incredibly narrow scope of absolutely correct, insightful takes. The problem is that the things this mutual annoys me with are very un-self aware and status-oriented like making casual and maybe even unintentional assumptions and remarks about people based on what school they went to (or where MIL believes they went to) and how much they earn (or how much MIL believes they earn/should earn). I mean obviously the right answer is to block and move on with my life but i also want to reach out and legitimately ask this person if they understand how disrespectful those assumptions are. They're always posting about compassion but i sense a deeply stung, wounded ego around this stuff (bc this person clearly didn't go to harvard or yale or princeton themselves, but also clearly wasn't making a FB developer's salary either). We all have blind spots but it does kind of hurt as someone who didn't go near the Ivy's for a variety of reasons but did somehow manage to make something of myself despite what family/society/this mutual think. Appreciate any thoughts on this!

I think that part of the issue might be, if you were to reach out and (calmly and respectfully) ask if they realize what they're saying and how it comes across, if they are as self-absorbed and unaware as you indicate, whether they would understand and realize and respond to you or whether they would double-down and continue, and whether it would be worth your time and energy to engage and then maybe/possibly/likely be frustrated and back where you started.

Also, as this went on longer than I expected, I'll do a read more (also because I got very personal about myself).

I get it though - my parents are pretty solidly middle-class (although it's a declining thing, as things got and have gotten worse or fallen into a stasis starting in my teen years) and couldn't afford a lot of things and so I knew I'd be mostly on my own and having to figure stuff out, and also weirdly reliant on them for other things. So while a lot of my friends were getting into UCs and privates (my best friend got into George Washington University, before coming back to UC Berkeley after going to Berkeley City College for a bit, and others got into Stanford and Georgetown), and even while I was getting accepted to Roosevelt in Chicago and the University of Canberra, I had to go to the community college near where we lived, and then I ended up, because of costs and requirements, going to state schools in the Midwest, and I've had to stop and start at college multiple times, and those same friends are now working at various tech and consulting groups making the FB developer salaries and owning homes or nice apartments and condos in San Francisco or Los Angeles and getting married and having kids (and having spouses with similar strategies) and I'm...not, lol, and I don't have mommy and daddy (or grandparents) with their several years at various law firms and corporations and home equity and savings and trusts to help me or give me connections.

So I have fairly large chips on my shoulder, because a lot of "normal" or average experiences or options (for my parents, even, when they were younger)...weren't the case for me and for the people I've worked with and dealt with over the last decade plus, and I've had to decide what to sacrifice or skimp to get other things (when I graduated from my undergrad, I had nowhere to go and almost no furniture and minimal belongings that I brought with me to college and ended up being the third roommate in a 2-bedroom apartment and living off a stipend I got from a nonprofit I worked with of about $500 a month, until I finally got hired by the public health department in Fargo, and then one of the roommates moved out to take a live-in job so I finally got my own room), and what to do without or stretch, and I constantly feel insecure and shabby. Especially because my parents and my sisters were more of the country mice with our city mice uncles and aunts, who were particularly clueless and thoughtless (and who accused my parents of stealing or withholding things and who held finances over them), and we didn't get a ton of new stuff and our home had to end up going to the home flippers because we couldn't afford the mortgage and the maintenance and it got black mold (and which I helped my parents figure out and coordinate from North Dakota, and which meant all of the stuff I left behind at home got trashed and ruined).

All of which is way more than I meant to say or bring up and which is tangential to my point, which is that I've worked and struggled (and still doing both) to get to where I'm at now, which is Better but not Great (the last year or two is the first time I've made more than $50,000/year since I started working) and it is incredibly hurtful to, hopefully and likely, see that devalued or denigrated by someone, who it sounds like is more secure financially and socially, and also because of how divorced it is from the reality of so many people, and probably so many people we both know and deal with. (It's why I've complained/ranted about the way people talk about the Midwest or "flyover country" or rural areas, having lived there and dealt directly with the people and issues involved)

And I think it's also just fundamentally tacky and crude and betrays a lack of thought and class and discretion (and having grown up in the San Francisco Bay Area, I'm used to seeing that) and doesn't recognize or acknowledge the people who have worked and struggled and who didn't go to Ivies or who didn't have well-off family or connections or who didn't grow up in the nice(r) parts of the Coasts and so forth.

This is way longer than I intended, and I don't want to further show how bitter *I* am or how wounded and stung my pride is, but all of this is to say that I Get It, and to make sure that you do what's best for you to be able to enjoy things, and to also recognize all the work you've put in and how far you've come and what your successes and achievements are.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Charaters I’ve enjoyed recently are Zelmare Roulette (on the left) and Swanee Capps (on the right) from Fargo season 4. I love them so much. They’re the first canon lesbian couple on the show. They’re the first couple who are POC as well. Zelmare is black and Swanee is Chinese and Native American.

Fargo is a very white show so seeing them on TV was unbelievable. (Seeing all the black folks this season was so amazing as well!!!) They were so funny and badass. They have some great quotes too!

The main reason why I like them so much is becuse they inspired me to make fanart and dabble in writing fanfic for the first time. I was always the observer and never the one to create fan work until now. I never thought it was something I’d have the confidence to do. I guess seeing two gay characters of color genuinely care and love eachother on a show like this was amazing to me.

They didn’t get a good or happy ending tho (don’t get me started lol) but Fargo isn’t a happy ending type of show. I’ve also met some really cool friends on the fargo season 4 discord server so shout out to them!!

Hi! I have definitely seen you post about them! Indeed, I do not go here so I know nothing, but I’m glad that you met friends and enjoyed your time. Honestly, some of the best folk I know - I’m talking sending me vids of their nephew’s starting to walk, helping each other get food and stuff, celebrating birthdays and so on - are folk that I met through fandoms.

I don’t like this news of the no happy ending, and I don’t know if I was gonna ever be a Fargo kinda gal, anyways, so that definitely puts me on my side of the fence. 😂 But, thank you so much for sharing with me!! I love to hear folk gush about their loves, even when I don’t know the content. ❤️

[imscaredofart]

Ight ill be talking about the three last guys because I'm like in love with them and if you arent fuck you you're wrong So like the two-winged people are gods the dude who was getting beaten up is a god of wind a bit of a younger god who is just a little guy who is a little bit fucked up ! but not because he's evil he's just. An idiot. An idiotic bitch. A great god tho always does his job and does it well (like in my universe the god of wind usually not only like is responsible for winds n everything, but also he's the patron of free-minded people and those who are seeking for freedom as well and also sailors and hunters have a special place in his stinky little dumb heart) BUT he fucked up big time by making the other guy (fargo, he's the only one with a name because I dont know how to name the other two yet because I just havent seen the names thatd fit imo) his vessel and WHY he fucked up Im going to say a bit later the other person is the god/dess of love and theyre like literally the most powerful god out there because like well it's really just very personal to me because I think that love is the most powerful thing and world is just full of it and everything that we mere mortals do is in the name of love whether we want it or not and it's just my morals n shit so fuck off anyways she's in charge of all the gods because she chooses when an individual is worhy of becoming a god and they grant those poor souls with a gift of eternal life and being a powerful creature that nothing can defeat + you get funky powers ! as a treat lol. So like yeah as I've said earlier she's like the godboss so other gods have always told her if they're going to do something very important for example make someone their vessel because there's like no limits for gods to create a vessel and to prevent them of creating literal armies of unkillable mortals who worship a god and do anything in their name (because boy oh boy that shit happened alright) she MUST give permission to that or at least know about that type of stuff. BUT!!! the wind bitch <3 didn't do shit <3 and he was just like 'hey god mommy <3 look who i found' and they were like WHAT did you FUCKING do YOU STUPID MASSIVE PIECE OF SHIT because out of ALL people in the world do you know whomst did the wind guy choose? Fargo, also known as the Legendary God Slayer

so yeah fun fact about the fargo guy <3 he's a retired god killer because believe it or not but gods CAN be slain but it's like the worst thing anyone could do ever because the person who chooses that path a) destines themselves to be forever alone in their immortality, b) literally kills gods wtf, c) makes a pact with an evil entity that wishes to bring chaos everywhere it can, d) must hurt their loved one, and not in a physical way, but in an emotional way not using their power or their blade, but rather the edge of their words by saying something that is so painful to the other that it would literally break their entire core, their soul, and leave it shattered until the end of their lives, and then leave without permission nor the ability to apologise EVEN if they break their pact with the entity. so yeah fargo (who windgod thought to be just some random thief who was just freed from prison, in whom he felt 'an unbelievable amount of willingness to bring freedom to others' and he thought that it's because fargo was some sort of a robin hood who stole from the rich and gave it to the poor so he was like lmao cool dude mine now, though wind man wasn't wrong about what he saw in that motherfucker) is a literal godslayer who made god mommy real mad back in the good ol' days when he killed literally half the gods and went to kill the goddess of love aka the main bitch but he didn't and they had a lovely chat by the end of which their holyness decided that fargo wasn't that bad because he had good intentions in his heart but the way he wanted to achieve his goal were fucked up so she sympathised him and as her forgiveness and curse she granted him the freedom of leaving the pact he's made, but he was not allowed to fix his mistakes nor was he made mortal + he was prohibited to have ANYTHING to do with gods because what the fuck you've done enough dude leave. BUT!!! wind god is like <3 wow nice guy and fargo is like oh god no and love is like wind god my dear my sweetie my honey pie why are you this stupid oh right wind-headed makes sense But anyways this is getting long basically wind dude just tried to make himself a vessel and fargo was just unfortunate enough to be there and love is displeased and commits violence

[loverboyromanroy]

Suggest fav Noah Hawley books

i am DELIGHTED you asked, i love noah hawley and i love talking books!! i've actually read all of his stuff and i have a very definitive top three lol

Before the Fall is my number one and now that i've read all of his other books, it's first on my list to go back and reread when i get a chance. it's a super-interesting story and has a lot of that fargo sensibility when it comes to themes of like...fate vs chaos, greed, love power, etc etc – also if you're coming from a succession place, a central character in Before the Fall is a major player at a conservative news outlet reminiscent of Fox News (or ATN lol)

then kind of tied for second are Anthem and The Good Father...more about them under the cut

 Anthem just came out in January 2022 and it is very of the current cultural moment, politically speaking. it's a tough read if you're anxious about the scope of current american politics (there's some crazy exploration of far-right ideology and the way wealthy people are able to exploit vulnerable people in america), plus the backdrop of the central story revolves heavily around suicide, so fair warning that it's heavy stuff. that being said, i found it beautifully crafted and was really satisfied with the way the story unfolded.

The Good Father is political too in the sense that the catalyst of the story is an assassination attempt on a presidential candidate, but largely the book is about a father realizing that his son is a completely different person that he thought he was, then sort of trying to piece together who exactly his son is and where that disconnect came from. it's been a while since i read it, but i really love the way noah hawley creates these intense family dynamics and then unravels them in a way that makes you want to keep reading because you're just itching to get more. i remember this book being very much like that!

[fizzigigsimmer]

Fargo s5 Episode 8: Manipulation and Codependency.

I am UNWELL after this last episode. I have so many thoughts. What it says on the tin, this is just me processing my reaction to the latest episode so if you are not caught up, spoilers will be found within.

Let’s start with the lady of the hour. Miss Dot. Miss Dorthy Lyon 👏🏾 Put some respect on her name. This character is endlessly fascinating to me. She’s incredibly complex. Almost over powered in one sense, but also incredibly fragile. We’re seeing now in clearer detail what an accomplished manipulator Dot is. She’s not just a fighter. She’s not just hiding and masking her trauma. She is actively playing the people around her and moving them around a board in her mind. The same way Roy does. The same way anyone in a position of power does, honestly.

Roy and Loraine and people in general, we seek control over others out of a place of insecurity, in order to make ourselves feel safe in our little worlds. Survivors of abuse are particularly good at this, and it’s something I am so glad to see the narrative touching on. The media likes to paint victims with cinderella syndrome. They are often childlike innocent caricatures who are endlessly kind and pure in the face of unjustified cruelty, purely so that audiences will emotionally attach to them quickly and feel whatever amount of fear and revulsion the creator wants for the antagonist. But the reality for real people who suffer domestic violence and other forms of abuse is that they’re just people. They have the same potential for good and bad and selfishness, they developed unhealthy coping mechanisms and they learn to play the game just like everyone else. And when you live your life in fear, you have more incentive than most to get good fast at controlling your surroundings.

We see another example of this in Karen this episode. Roy’s current wife is no stranger to her husband’s violent temper and is very aware of the danger he represents. When he’s humiliated in spectacular fashion and likely to lose his election, there’s this palpable tension in the air as the family rides home. We know heads are going to roll, and from the look on Karen’s face so does she. When she first opened her mouth I was so scared for her. lol I wanted to reach through the screen and shake her, like “shut up! That man will kill you.” At first I thought she was being hopelessly naive, saying exactly all the wrong things to try and comfort Roy that were only pressing on the wound. BUT THEN! Then we watch her turn it on Dot. She calls her a curse, playing into Roy’s belief that there are scales to be balanced in order to make the world right again, and pointing out that all of this only happened when Dot came back. She basically says, Dot’s the reason you have bad luck not me. Go hurt her and not me. And then he does. It’s brilliant.

I was on the edge of my seat watching Dot desperately try and hang onto her world. Everything from her name down to who gets to remind Wayne to take his Lactaide medication, using anything and everything at her disposal to do it. When Roy isnt impressed by being reminded he married a child around his own son’s age - oh please, she had hair and her period so she wasn’t a child - she switches tactics quick as a whip and leans hard on Roy’s family man ideals. She relentlessly forces him to confront the contradictions in his actions by reminding him he is destroying a family. Finally, when that fails too she delivers a violent threat. You will do as I ask, or I’m going to hurt you. The writing here was so masterful. They are opposites. We’re rooting for her, and yet, they mirror each other. Dot has been using manipulation tactics she learned at the hands of her abusers to carefully curate a place where she feels safe, and now that it’s all crumbling around her she’s finally starting to see it for herself.

Her scene with Gator was particularly poignant. Because when he comes in, he’s subdued and we get the feeling that he’s there (whether he’s going to admit it or not) purely because he wants to see her. Her, the big sister who used to comfort him while he watched his father abuse his mother. Who then replaced his mother and became his father’s wife while his own mother seemingly abandoned him. The way she plays him in this scene is so heartbreaking to watch but also incredibly insightful. She knows why he’s here: because deep down he wanted to see her. She dances back and forth between playing on their buried bond ( “I didn’t tell the FBI anything” implying, she wouldn’t tell them anything that would hurt him) and plucking on his insecurities (you’re sloppy, you’re weak, you’re a fuck up and your daddy doesn’t love you).

But the biggest card that Dot tries to play is Linda. She tells Gator that she saw her and tries to bring him into her fantasy that Linda got out and has healed from her trauma. That she loves him and never meant to leave him, and that everything will be okay if he just helps her get out. She can take him to his mother and they can leave all of this behind him, and he can finally be free to be the person that deep down she knows he wants to be. And I just love the way this scene was played. Because while it is tempting to believe that Dot is purely just confused from the accident and the sleep deprivation, the music lets us know that more is going on here. We hear flutes, specifically those played by snake charmers. Gator is the snake, and Dot is hypnotizing him before our very eyes. This isn’t the first time Gator has been connected to snake imagery/symbolism either. When Dot decides to tell him why he’s not named Roy after his father, she likens him to a pale little lizard. @tdciago did an excellent post on some of the symbolism we’ve seen in the show thus far, and it really emphasis how often Gator is likened to or associated with snakes: His character bio compares him to the snake in the Garden. His LOL tattoo has forked tongues on the Ls. He's got a "Don't tread on me" flag featuring a snake in his room. He stopped at the Gas 'n Go to "drain the snake." He left an empty Slim Jim wrapper in Donny Ireland's evidence box, that looked like a shed snakeskin. He said that Munch came up "snake eyes."

And as much as Dot’s speech about Linda is about playing on his natural yearning for his mother, it’s also about them too. It’s about Dot. In a way, Dot is also saying that she’s sorry. She never meant to leave him alone. She loves him and she wants things to be alright. They can be if you just help me. Gator obviously wants to believe what Dot is saying is true all of it, but he’s not as dumb as everyone seems to think he is. He knows Dot lies to herself and to others and he calls her out on it. With a single line “You’re lying. You’ve never once in your life told the truth.” we’re left to wonder about all the lies Dot has had to tell over the years. First in order to survive on her own as a teenage runaway, then when she was taken in by the Tillmans, and again when Linda disappeared and she became Roy’s wife.

She told herself that Linda got out, that she was somewhere safe and free and building the life that she wanted. At first she used this lie not to have to face the reality of Roy, of her own likely end, maybe even to appease the twisted sense of guilt she would feel taking Linda’s place and in the light of Gator’s grief over his mother’s sudden absence. Later, she probably used this lie to give herself the courage to be her own Linda. To get out and make the life for herself that she deserved, even if it meant having to leave Gator behind. Even if he doesn’t understand all of the pieces, in his heart of hearts Gator knows his mother is never coming back. She’s either gone or dead, and either way she left him just like Dot did, and Dot is lying to herself.

“I hope you die in here Nadine and that you never see your kid again.” Because that would be justice in his eyes. That would balance the scales. Because he’s never getting out, so why should she?

“No you don’t.” And it’s true. She knows him. Knows he wouldn’t even be here if he weren’t soft. She gave him an opportunity. This was Gator’s crossroad and he chose to stay his course, and the looming figure of Munch reinforces the message that Officer Witt Later delivers, the consequences for Gator are almost here.

Dot too is approaching a crossroad. Because as the episode progresses she is forced to finally confront one of the lies she’s been telling herself for years. Linda is dead. She never made it out. She’s buried under the windmill with Roy’s other enemies. This is not the first time that Dot has seen this windmill, because it was also in her dream about Linda. I would not be surprised if all of Roy’s wives did not witness a body going into that ground at some point or another because of how Karen was so quick to redirect Roy’s rage to Dot. They’re on different sides of the line but they are both fighting for the same thing. To be with their children and not to end up rolled into an early grave.

[nityarawal]

Attn PNC Bank:

We left messages for Amanda and Debbie in Executive. Do you need their numbers? I prefer Amanda. 

She helped with the airbnb bank fraud last year.

I need refunds on all scams now Paige. You and Amanda settle this tonight. Judges want current bank statement to so they can forgive debts from local scams at court/bank & Sheriff- who got busted on foul play.

Thanks!

Nitya 

Yeah- California is the abortion & rape = baby factory State!

Could you please confirm this is a fake check? Sal has made mistakes before and seems sort of senile about continuum with BBVA since he's so new! Please let Idyllwild Town Crier know to stop Trafficking our peeps on Cons. They shouldn't advertise this and a murderer sex offender in one week right?

Could you send latest statement for my judges so they can forgive my registration fees due to PNC management robberies in covid with Mary Sue Haney.

This was bank fraud there. We don't trust the 22.7m federal employees raping our mothers and stealing. Please fire Sal.

Sent to my boss Sue-

Sal- the manager said it was a fake check and refused to cash it! He's a a**hole! I had to get Jerry Sue Haney fired. Do you want executive number? He's likely a fraud- not your check! Lol 

I will let executive office know. He's also had a senior moment about my last 7 years of banking there. 

Lmk if you can call them & fix it with Wells Fargo? Also- I mentioned I can't launder money in any way on the rental. I am on a state stipend- not enough- but they would've withdrawn my food and pay if they thought there was a way to Capitalism on us again! 

---------- Forwarded message ---------

From: nitya rawal <nityahuntley@gmail.com>

Date: Tue, Oct 17, 2023, 6:24 AM

Subject: Re: Resume For Driver Job

To: Sue Patrick <suepatrick112@att.net>

Aloha! You got all my responses via text? Did you get a place secured here? Are you still coming on 20th? 

I'm moving into a new place & seeing Dr's but will be available. 

Lmk if you need anything and did you send check? I didn't see anything last week! You said you'd send tracking too so maybe didn't get to it? 

I am most often texting. Email isn't as reliable. Maybe I'll open another acct. Tmobile also is spotty in Riverside. 

Country life is simple.

I try to exonomise and only run into towns when need to! (:

Hope packing is going well.

Blessings & Peace,

Nitya 

On Wed, Oct 11, 2023, 11:04 AM Sue Patrick <suepatrick112@att.net> wrote:

Congratulations You have been chosen for the Job you have all I have been searching for as an Experienced Driver I can't wait to meet you in person meanwhile I will be in Idyllwild , CA for the next 4 months. Anyway I am particularly glad you are willing to be my driver. I will want you to know that I will be responsible for the ( Car hire cost and the Gas fee)All I will be needing from you are your driving skills.  I also would like to bring to your notice one more time that I found a car which I will be renting, it's a Mercedes-Benz G 63 AMG ( 2017 Model )so I will make arrangements for the car rental and then will let you know ahead of time when it will be delivered to your address.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: My arrival date remains Friday 20th of October All flight details / itinerary will be emailed to you in advance prior to my arrival so as to give you ample time to get yourself prepared and ready.

PAYMENT TERMS: This is my second time, my first was 3 yrs. ago . I would be glad if you can help me check around for luxury apartments close to you, an apartment that is very classy and if possible has got a Jacuzzi, if not I am already working on securing an apartment for myself. Concerning the payment, I will send you a payment in the form of a check which will contain payment for your first week duties and the amount needed for the car rental. Once you receive the check, I want you to have the check deposited at your bank, deduct the sum of $485 as payment for the first week's service and then have the remaining funds on the check as payment for the car rental so they can start processing the delivery of the vehicle to your address as soon as possible.

Furthermore, I will be happy if you could get back to me with the following details of yours so that the payment can be issued out to you right as soon as possible and delivered via postal mail. Also I need you to confirm that your details and address are correct to avoid any mistake during delivery by the postal service company .

To proceed, email me the following:

Full name:

Street Address:

City: State

Postal code:

Cell and Home:

Age:

Alternative Email address:

I will appreciate your quick response if you are completely satisfied with the offer as I am willing to go ahead and issue out the funds by this week for the payment of your first week's service and for the car rental.

I look forward to your quick response.

Best Regards,

Thanks.

On Sunday, October 8, 2023 at 02:08:31 AM GMT+8, nitya rawal <nityahuntley@gmail.com> wrote:

Yes, I am interested in the position. 

On Sat, Oct 7, 2023, 7:20 AM Sue Patrick <suepatrick112@att.net> wrote:

Thanks for the reply it was highly appreciated, I will be staying in the area of Idyllwild, CA for 4 months your services will be needed only for  2 days in a week is a part time Job and flexible I don't think this will disturb your other Jobs,

Please kindly confirm the following questions to proceed:

1. Would you be available to drive me during the weekdays, basically on Mondays?

2. Apart from Monday, Would you be able to drive me on Friday ( evening shift )?

3. Do you have mailing experience via ( UPS or FED-EX )?

PAY: I am offering you $242.5 x 2days = $485 weekly.

A total of 6 hours per week .  

I will appreciate your swift response and get back to me so we can sort out details and proceed further, My Cell phone number is 206-259-5071. You can easily send texts.

Thanks and God bless you,

Dr Patrick.

On Saturday, October 7, 2023 at 03:41:24 AM GMT+8, nitya rawal <nityahuntley@gmail.com> wrote:

I am interested in the position. All sounds good so far!

Thankyou for the opportunity! 

I look forward to reviewing your proposal further.

Blessings,

Nitya 

On Wed, Oct 4, 2023, 10:51 PM Sue Patrick <suepatrick112@att.net> wrote:

Hello,

Thank you for applying. I'm glad to read from you regarding the Personal Driver job. I am looking to hire a Personal Driver Immediately . This is a great opportunity for a dedicated personnel with exceptional driving skills and stellar customer service. This position requires a high level of professionalism, vast knowledge of the surrounding area and traffic rules.  

I'm Dr. Sue Patrick, I'm from Newark, New Jersey. I am 74 years old, educated (Retired Medical Practitioner ),I'm cultural, have got a great sense of humor, good morals, very down to earth and with a noble character. I enjoy meeting people and making new friends, I can say particularly that I do have a very kind heart. Although due to my age I'm hearing impaired so I communicate mostly via text and email. Anything other than that I am fit and healthy .  

I will be coming to your city for the next 4 months for charity work, seminars and a little holiday for myself. As part of my trip, I will be going to leisure spots, cinemas, site seeing, Deaf Culture Seminars etc. I will be spending 16 weeks, so I am going to need a personal driver/chauffeur during my stay, The ideal candidate must be a safe driver with experience and also have some sort of mailing experience via UPS or FedEx as I would be mailing out some charity goods periodically.  

IMPORTANT NOTICE: My arrival date is on the 16th of October so basically I have just over 2 weeks to finalize plans. All flight details / itinerary will be emailed to you in advance prior to our arrival so as to give you ample time to get yourself prepared and ready. On the first day, you will pick me up from the airport and drop me off at the luxury apartment I'm renting. I want you to know that I will be responsible for the ( Car hire cost and the Gas fee ) so all i will be needing you for is your driving skills, that's all. I also would like to bring to your notice that I've found a car which i will be renting for you to drive , it's a Mercedes-Benz G 63 AMG ( 2016 Model )so I will make arrangements with the head office of the car hire company and then will let you know ahead of time when it will be delivered to your preferred location/house.

Hope to read back from you Asap.

Best Regards,

Dr. Patrick.

On Thursday, October 5, 2023 at 06:58:02 AM GMT+8, nitya rawal <nityahuntley@gmail.com> wrote:

[davidmann95]

So, I heard that there was some news from that Disney thing today...

My thoughts in order of their release on the bits of this I have something to say about:

* Extremely wild that Disney is advertising The Handmaid’s Tale.

* Platform, Jesus Christ, this is the bit that really does sound like an algorithm wrote the pitch

* I only read the first trade but bizarre that Y took the leap from WB under Vertigo to Disney under FX.

* Alien! Not a franchise I have particular affection for and I haven’t watched Fargo, but Legion is a serious contender for best ‘superhero’ TV show so I’m curious what Hawley might do here.

* Wow so they’re really dropping probably a hundred million on a show for the lady who did a transphobic assault last year

* I understand lots of people liked Rogue One and that people like Diego Luna, but Andor is the Star Wars thing here that I most instinctively react to with “why does this exist”

* Hayden Christiansen is back! Unless they Irishman him up it can’t be for flashbacks, so is he gonna be under a pound of fucked-up-by-lava makeup and being sad about his wife in his Empire meditation chamber a lot in this? Anyway, the main thing I imagine at this point when I think of “What do I want out of Star Wars anymore” is a nomadic Jedi going on morose samurai adventures in scenic lonely places where sometimes they get into swordfights and do really trippy shit with the Force, and Obi-Wan Kenobi is probably as close as anything is going to get to scratching that itch for me, so I’ll probably check it out. Or maybe Star Wars Visions will be closer to what I have in mind, that’ll probably rule.

* I hear Donald Glover was the good part of Solo so maybe I’ll check Lando.

* I haven’t seen Russian Doll but The Acolyte sounds like it could be interesting.

* Lol they seriously got the Logan guy to do Old Man Indiana Jones.

* Waititi still doing Star Wars is neat but I’d trade it in a heartbeat for the Johnson trilogy. At least not getting that means we’ll get the further adventures of Benoit Blanc dropping lines like “What did the Nazi boy masturbating in the bathroom say?”.

* Wait a second I just noticed, they’re making a damn Cheaper By The Dozen reboot? I’ll always remember being 8 and being so excited that Clark Kent from Smallville would be in a movie, but that isn’t enough nostalgia to win me over here.

* Why is the Zootopia show called Zootopia+, is it because it’ll be about Judy Hopps + her unborn child with the fox and their discussion on the morality of abortion? Because adapting that is the only thing that could get me interested.

* Well Iwájú looks gorgeous, whatever it is I’m interested.

* There is no explanation whatsoever for what Luca is supposed to be beyond “two dudes hang out”, which is odd because they’re clearer about stuff coming out from Pixar afterwards?

* CHRIS EVANS BUZZ LIGHTYEAR YEAR ONE MOVIE, hell yes, extremely here for this, capitalism has won, I am a piggy at the slop for Content once more.

* Well damn at that The Falcon and The Winter Soldier trailer, they actually are putting Movie Money into these, huh?

* Loki getting a TV show not only after his character arc concludes but outright winding back said progress is the worst idea in the world, except the show is seemingly ABOUT how this version of him should not exist and is therefore stuck in a purgatory via Continuity Suicide Squad, so I’m in.

* Not much to say on the already-announced Disney + stuff, but I don’t recall if it was official that Abomination and Banner would be in She-Hulk so that’s cool.

* “Moon Knight, an Original Series about a complex vigilante”

* Ironheart was neat but not unexpected, Secret Invasion and Armor Wars knocked my socks off.

* Ok I’m 1/2 on the GOTG flicks so I’m not exactly chomping at the bit for 3, but Holiday Special should be a hoot.

* Bale as Gorr! I’m a little disappointed because I thought he was a shoo-in for Dario Agger, the comedically sociopathic CEO of Roxxon who is also a minotaur, but I am more than happy to settle for this, and pitting him against a human Thor in Jane Foster is a very interesting choice.

* Quantumania! In spite of that name I wouldn’t much care, but Jeff Loveness is still writing it last I heard so this should be a hoot.

* Black Panther 2 describing itself as “explor(ing) the world of Wakanda & the rich characters introduced in the first film” is probably placeholder for having to suddenly scrap plans for Letita Wright to take over as Shuri, but if serious the prospect of a true ensemble piece growing out of the worldbuilding of the first film could make this the no-fooling most interesting movie of the MCU.

* Alright alright alright! I’ve seen friends delighted about Jon Watts being on this and friends totally bummed out about it. Personally I think the director behind Homecoming tackling the Fantastic Four suggests a really interesting and workable tone and approach, but one I’d rather have seen several movies in as a departure from the norm rather than as their introduction to being in good movies. Beggars can’t be choosers though, and while I hope someone else takes over in subsequent films I have little doubt this’ll be a lot of fun, Watts did great character stuff in the Spidey movies and managed solid spectacle too so this should work just fine if paint-by-the-numbers. If nothing else, with the way he tackled Vulture and Mysterio he should be able to sell the hell out of Doom as the eventual final boss of the MCU. We all agree though their origin is now going to be them somehow having gotten fucked over by Tony Stark or his dad (but in a way they’ll ultimately let bygones be bygones over), right?

In summation: look, I know that while conceptually Star Wars and Marvel have infinite space to expand the creative marketplace under capitalism is itself not infinite so this taking up so much air is objectively bad, but also after this abomination of a year I’m pretty glad to hear “hey! Cool stuff is still going to happen one day!” My final thought is that I hate all of this because knowing this would crowd the pop culture landscape for a few days is probably why DC is waiting until next week to drop March solicits and put me out of my misery wondering who the new Superman creative teams will be.

[purplesurveys]

919

Alabama: Do you like the movie Forrest Gump? It was okay but it’s not my cup of tea when it comes to movies, so I’ve only watched it the one time. I thought the visual effects were cool - that was my favorite aspect of it.

Alaska: Would you rather deal with 30 days of day or 30 days of night? I would love to try out 30 days of night because I enjoy the night sky more. I’ve seen the 30 days of day thing in the movie The Proposal and it just seems too sunny and bright and it’s not my thing at all.

Arizona: Can you handle heat well? I can handle it, sure; doesn’t mean I like it. I never did. I’m sick of the heat and the sun at this point, and I can say that because we get 32-34ºC for most of the year lol, whereas other places get to have four seasons.

Arkansas: What are your opinions on Bill Clinton? I don’t know enough about him to have an opinion because 1) I had been too young to be aware of his presidency to begin with, and 2) I’m not American. I should be okay with these kinds of questions this one time though given the theme of this survey, haha.

California: Who is your favorite actor? Favorite actress? My favorite actors are Gregory Peck and Eddie Redmayne. Favorite actresses are Audrey Hepburn, Kristen Stewart, Kate Winslet, Jessica Chastain, Natalie Portman, Sandra Bullock, and Emma Stone. OH and Florence Pugh.

Colorado: Do you smoke weed? What are your opinions on its legalization? No. And it’s a super taboo topic here so there’s rarely a chance to get all debate-y and discussion-y about in a healthy arena because there’ll always be at least that one Bible-reading person who ruins everything for everyone by using biblical quotes and metaphors in their argument. I’ll have to read more about it to know its pros and cons, but I think that its legalization would be a responsible thing to go with.

Connecticut: Have you ever had a school shooting at your school? No. I’ve never heard of a school shooting in any school in my country, ever.

Delaware: Are you usually the first to do something, or are you more of a follower? I definitely follow the lead more. Even if I’m the first to do something in a given situation, that likely only happened because I followed a lot of advice from my friends so even in that aspect I’m still following what people think is best for me, lol.

Florida: Have you ever been to Disney World? I have not.

Georgia: Would you consider yourself a southern belle? No but for a long time I had the biggest crush on Melanie Hamilton from Gone With the Wind, who was considered the quintessential southern belle. Olivia de Havilland took that character to ridiculous heights, man.

Hawaii: What would be paradise for you? Going someplace with a lot of museums and street food.

Idaho: What is your favorite way to eat a potato? French friiiiiies.

Illinois: Did you vote for President Obama (or would you have)? I would have, yes.

Indiana: Do you like corn? Sure. I don’t like it when it’s incorporated into other food though, like cornbread or some brands of corn chips. I just like good ol’ corn on the cob.

Iowa: Are roses your favorite flower? It’s one of them.

Kansas: Do you like the Tin Man, Scarecrow or Cowardly Lion better? I’ve never seen Wizard of Oz. Not my cup of tea when it comes to movie plots. If I absolutely had to watch it it’ll only be for Judy Garland lol.

Kentucky: Have you ever been to a horse race? Nope, doesn’t sound like something I’d enjoy.

Louisiana: Have you ever celebrated Mardi Gras? No. I never knew what it celebrates, actually. I do have a soft spot for New Orleans’ culture though; it seems very colorful and more interesting than other US cultures, and I heard their food slaps as well. If I ever end up in Louisiana at the right time, I’d love to take a look at how they celebrate Mardi Gras.

Maine: Do you like lobster? It’s good, but it’s expensive so I don’t get to have it a lot. I’m okay with crab.

Maryland: Have you ever been to Washington DC? No...WTF Washington DC is not in Washington? I never knew that and now I feel so dumb. Holy shit, hahahaha

Massachusetts: Are you smart enough to go to Harvard? I can try. I know a lot of mutual friends who at least took a program there.

Michigan: Have you ever swam in a lake? I don’t think so.

Minnesota: Have you seen Drop Dead Gorgeous? No I haven’t.

Mississippi: Do you follow college football? No; I don’t follow our local collegiate football games either. Never really been a fan of the sport and I’d rather watch basketball and volleyball.

Missouri: Have you ever convinced someone to show you their private parts? ...can someone explain why this is the question for Missouri lol. Anyway no, that’s pretty messed up.

Montana: What is the greatest treasure you have ever found? A copy of WWE Encyclopedia 1/4 of its original price, sitting at one of the very top shelves in a used books store that I regularly visit.

Nebraska: Do you eat beef? Yep, pretty regularly.

Nevada: Are you good at card games? No, and not very interested in them either.

New Hampshire: What are your views on gay marriage? No one should have a problem with it. I wish it were legal here, but I know we’ll never see it at least in this country. We can’t even get divorce, how the hell are we getting same-sex marriage passed?

New Jersey: Do you watch The Jersey Shore? I watched the first episode but being a 12 year old, it was too explicit and uncomfortable for me.

New Mexico: Would you consider yourself a hippie? Not at all.

New York: Have you ever been to New York City? Would you like to? No. Yes.

North Carolina: Are the Panthers your favorite football team? I don’t like football.

North Dakota: Have you seen Fargo? Nah but it’s been on my watchlist for yearsssssss. Just never got around to it.

Ohio: Did you watch The Drew Carey Show? Nopes.

Oklahoma: What is your favorite musical? Miss Saigon.

Oregon: Did you ever play the Oregon Trail game? No. Never heard of it.

Pennsylvania: Do you watch It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia? I don’t, but I’d love to get started on it. I’ve heard nothing but good things about the show.

Rhode Island: Who is the smallest person you know? The youngest person I know of (making him the smallest, I guess) is my third cousin Jethro. He turned 2 this year.

South Carolina: Do you think Aziz Ansari is funny? I know him but I’ve never seen his material.

South Dakota: Who is more interesting: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt or Abraham Lincoln? All of these people are a blank slate to me considering I know very little about each of them. But if I had to pick a book to read about these four, I’d go with Lincoln. I feel like you had to have done very intriguing things to be assassinated while watching a play, so I’d like to know more about his life and his views.

Tennessee: Who is your favorite country singer? I don’t have any.

Texas: Do you like barbecue or Tex-Mex better? Tex-Mex.

Utah: Do you know anyone who is Mormon? Not in real life, but I’ve read of famous personalities who are.

Vermont: Do you get the full autumnal colors in the fall where you live? No, no autumn here.

Virginia: Are you a virgin? Nopes.

Washington: Do you like grunge? It’s alright.

West Virginia: Do you like the mountains? Sure. I’d love to travel somewhere with great mountain views...I think it’s why I enjoyed Sagada a lot.

Wisconsin: What's your favorite kind of cheese? FETAAAAAAAAA. Love mozzarella on pizza too.

Wyoming: Do you love westerns? Eh, I can’t say that. The only western I ever enjoyed was Breaking Bad.

[chaptersonetoinfinity]

NaNoWriMo 2020: DAY TWENTY

Friday, November 20th

(Edit as of Saturday, November 21st: Turns out I posted yesterday’s update in my drafts instead of on my actual blog. LOL. Here it is now. I guess I’m getting to that point during NaNo when my brain goes rogue.)

Stuff That Happened: Busy day at work but heck am I glad the work week is done. I ran out of sustenance and had to buy some takeout because guess who was not in the mood for cooking? *Raises hand.* I learned my lesson about starting my writing session late, of course, so I did bits and pieces throughout my evening, including a tiny bit right after work. Yay NaNo work ethic?

Tomorrow’s Goal: I may very well end up sleeping for longer than normal, seeing as it’s Saturday and I have no reason to get up early. Beyond that, I’m hoping to do some outline work on my Unnamed Fic (not the coffee shop AU).

Daily Word Count: 1,531

Total Word Count: 30,736

Rough Draft Sneak Peek: Fargo Coffee Shop AU

“So he moved your whole lives to somewhere else.”

Fen nods. “I think a part of me never really left. But Fillory’s different now. A lot of things are different. I’m different. I applied to Brakebills so I could get some kind of closure. I thought if I could see myself back here and have proof that the town is something else, I’ll feel better about leaving it a second time, after I graduate.”

“And is it?” Margo asks. “Different, I mean?”

“It is.” Now Fen smiles, shaking her head like she’s shaking the past off of herself, parting ways. “Not quite in the way I expect.”

“How do you mean?”

“I was never here as a student until now. I never got to meet people who thought of this town as a temporary part of their bigger lives. Now I have.” Fen gives Margo’s hand a squeeze. “And I met you.”