#these are kinda ugly but her styling was very cute for hot mess

[60sgroove]

winter ✰ hot mess era

[hakasims]

The Most Important Review of Every Single Marwan Kenzari Film

If you’ve seen this one about Luca, you know the drill.

Now, Marwan’s brand is a little less defined than Luca’s but I managed to find similar tropes in a lot of his films. Also, rather than copy myself and give you a redundant Marwanmeter, I decided instead to recommend which Luca character best pairs with each Marwan character for your crossover pleasure. Let’s see if we ship the same things! Some of them are crack. You’re welcome.

(all gifs again by the awesomely amazing @weardes​ who did not ask to be my gif factory but life’s a bitch)

Het zusje van Katia (2008)

Will you miss him if you blink? Kinda. They talk about him a lot but his actual screen time is like 43.7 seconds. Also can I just say... he’s supposed to be from Italy?? The boy says literally one (1) Italian word, and you’ll never guess what it is. (Obviously, it’s “bella” like there’s a chance he could’ve said anything else.)

Is he hot? Painfully hot.

Is he naked? There’s this one scene where he’s wearing the sluttiest pair of speedos I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Does his hair look great? Actually, yes. Perfect hair, perfect beard, he looks amazing.

Does he fuck? Yes, a lot - off screen, including an M/M/F threesome he presumably, probably, most definitely initiated.

Best paired with? From what I’ve gathered, this hoe ain’t loyal, so the best course of action is to find him a Luca that would benefit from a one night stand with no strings attached and wouldn’t fall in love with him. The obvious choice here is Valerio from Slam - Tutto per una ragazza. They meet, they fuck, then Giac makes his 4-hour drive back to Pisa, and they don’t see each other again until the next time he’s in Rome. Everybody’s happy, especially the two sluts in question.

De laatste dagen van Emma Blank (2009)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, absolutely.

Is he hot? Very.

Is he naked? Almost constantly.

Does his hair look great? He’s got those cute short curls, he looks so good.

Does he fuck? That’s literally why he’s there: to fuck and to die.

Best paired with? Man, I wish I had something to work with here. The only thing we know about him besides his sexual prowess is his affinity for white suits and toy helicopters. And as far as I know, those might be the exact things Fabrizio from Nina finds hot in guys. So like, why not?

Loft (2010)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character.

Is he hot? Yeah, sure.

Is he naked? There’s a scene where he’s wearing underwear and a tank top but it somehow makes him look like a kindergartener.

Does his hair look great? It looks quite nice.

Does he fuck? Yes, though I wish he didn’t.

Best paired with? Tom is a very violent person and a drug addict. He does messed up stuff to his sexual partners I’d rather he didn’t do to any of Luca’s characters. Feel free to use him for your sadistic fantasies or as a villain or whatever.

Rabat (2011)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s one of the three leads.

Is he hot? Oh yes! And cute!

Is he naked? He’s at the beach wearing nothing but boxer shorts.

Does his hair look great? He’s got this extreme undercut thing that would look ridiculous on anyone less pretty, so like no, he doesn’t have great hair, but also like it’s Marwan, you know what I mean?

Does he fuck? Before he embarks on a road trip with his friends, he has an offscreen threesome with two girls he picked up at a wedding. Slut.

Best paired with? Gabriele from Waves. They’re both sweet guys who could meet in some Tunisian port and decide to sail the Mediterranean Sea together.

Black Out (2012)

Will you miss him if you blink? Not unless your blinking is very deliberate.

Is he hot? Not really. He’s a dirty cop with a shitty moustache and oral fixation.

Is he naked? No, but I wish he was: his clothes are awful. Marwan is 29 in this movie and he looks 50!

Does his hair look great? Nope. They took Marwan’s usual short hair and made it not work somehow.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? The one thing Luca’s characters all have in common is that none of them come off as bootlickers. All of them are either too soft for such a relationship or wouldn’t waste their spit on a cop.

Wolf (2013)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? *gestures wildly at the gif*

Is he naked? He’s got quite a few shirtless scenes.

Does his hair look great? It’s nothing special but suits his character well.

Does he fuck? Oh yes.

Best paired with? Hear me out. I know that some people ship him with Fabio, but in my opinion that pair, while hot, doesn’t work. Here’s my pitch: Cesare from Non essere cattivo. The drug connection is still there, but in this case Majid’s problem-solving skills won’t fall on deaf ears. Cesare needs a daddy, ok? Majid can be a daddy when he needs to, especially when he has a soft boyfriend to care for. And Majid needs soft, not psycho.

Hartenstraat (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist once again.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? There’s that iconic scene where he’s wearing nothing but black boxer briefs and boots while carrying a tray...

Does his hair look great? He’s got Joe-like curls and looks like what every male romantic lead should aspire to look like and then cry because they all fail.

Does he fuck? There’s one very unfortunate sex scene played for laughs. I’m pretty sure he’ll need therapy afterwards. I certainly do.

Best paired with? Paolo from Il padre d’Italia. Paolo deserves the best boyfriend, and who’s better than Daan, an extremely hot man who cooks? They both have daughters, so they can talk about that, I guess, and Paolo can finally have a family. Honestly, this is so wholesome I just made myself cry.

Lucia de B. (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? For sure.

Is he hot? He’s a cop. Again. But he looks good.

Is he naked? Fully dressed, but man are his clothes ugly. Is that a cop thing?

Does his hair look great? He has slightly longer curls, which is fine and the best thing about this character.

Does he fuck? ACAB. (I know this doesn’t answer the question, I just wanted to make it clear.)

Best paired with? See my bootlicker comment from earlier. While Detective *checks notes* Ron Leeflang isn’t explicitly corrupt, he’s obviously a dick, so the best I can do here is recommend any Luca character that has ever been in trouble with the law for any fics about power imbalance you want to write but aren’t comfortable with a nice Marwan playing the villain.

Bloedlink (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Oh no, he’s there the entire time.

Is he hot? In a weird way, yes.

Is he naked? So, so, so naked. Like, leave nothing to the imagination naked.

Does his hair look great? I’d say that little rat tail is the exact opposite of great.

Does he fuck? Probably more than is good for him. I should also add that he’s canonically queer in this.

Best paired with? Rico is a pathetic loser in need of someone who’s got his life together and has a lot of experience dealing with fuckups. Enter Loris from Il mondo fino in fondo. He has a stable job and a savior complex, and with his little bro gaying it up in Chile and not needing him anymore, all he wants right now is someone to fix. I should be a fucking matchmaker in real life, for real.

Pak van mijn hart (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Undoubtedly.

Is he hot? No. The whole point of his character is to be the lesser choice compared to a guy who looks like a completely ordinary bland white dude...

Is he naked? ...so of course he isn’t naked! What, are they gonna take this poor woman, show her Marwan Kenzari’s post-Wolf body and expect her to choose her deeply mediocre ex? Please! They’re gonna dress him in the dorkiest clothes possible...

Does his hair look great? ...and make him wear the most awful wig that was clearly run over by a truck.

Does he fuck? No. As you can observe, they tried really hard to make him unfuckable, but honestly, he seems like a perfectly nice guy.

Best paired with? You know what? Mattia from La solitudine dei numeri primi is in desperate need of some sweetness and normalcy. I’m sure Richard will treat him with kindness and respect.

Collide (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character. Out of five.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? Not for a second! What’s up with American movies where people aren’t just casually walking around naked without any plot necessity???

Does his hair look great? His curls are so cute you guys! Look at them!

Does he fuck? Not explicitly.

Best paired with? Fabio from Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot. Again, the drug connection is there, but Matthias is soft enough not to butt heads with Fabio and, by the end of the movie, rich enough to satisfy his cravings for good living and fame. Also look at how good their color coordination is with those dark wine red clothes! Sometimes planets just align, okay?

Ben-Hur (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, especially if you aren’t watching the background.

Is he hot? Your usual Marwan hot.

Is he naked? No.

Does his hair look great? His typical short curls with a twist. I think the forehead area is supposed to invoke the Caesar cut? I don’t know. It looks fine when not hidden under that dumb helmet.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? A better script and a much better director. (Seriously, what is this blocking?)

The Promise (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there a decent amount in the first half of the movie and then almost completely disappears in the second half.

Is he hot? Very much, yes.

Is he naked? Unfortunately, no.

Does his hair look great? He’s got short curls again, but this time they’re fashionably styled, it’s magnificent.

Does he fuck? Oh yeah! And there’s no way he isn’t bi or pan in this. No way.

Best paired with? Roberta from L’ultimo terrestre. Listen, Emre Ogan may be a slut but he’s a gentleman, okay? He’d treat Roberta right and he’s got daddy’s cash to spare on hundreds of gorgeous white dresses for her.

The Mummy (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there, but barely.

Is he hot? Dangerously hot.

Is he naked? Not once! Instead we get a naked Tom Cruise literally no one asked for.

Does his hair look great? It’s your basic professional short hairdo.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Malik is a member of an organization tracking and destroying various monsters and historical artefacts related to them. Guido from Tutti i santi giorni speaks four languages, including Latin, and is a literature and ancient history nerd which makes him a valuable asset. Malik can fight and protect; Guido is bumbling and in need of saving. Guys, this writes itself.

What Happened to Monday (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, especially not in the third act.

Is he hot? He’s okay.

Is he naked? Very naked.

Does his hair look great? They shouldn’t have greased his curls back. He looks like another victim of Fabio Cannizzaro’s stylist. Also I wish he’d either shaved or finished growing out that beard.

Does he fuck? He fucks and he fucks good. He’ll go down on you, he’ll deflower you slowly and gently, he’ll choke you if you want him to, he’ll spoon you all night, he’ll give you emotional support, he’ll murder people for you - he’s down for whatever.

Best paired with? There’s one Luca character who needs a lot of sex and even more emotional support. Alright, most of them do, but I’m thinking of Ettore from Lasciate andare. He needs it, okay? Good dicking, good spooning, a good ear, a fine piece of ass to cry into - you get the gist. Most importantly: someone who’d love him for who he is and with whom he could relax and be himself. (Also, I see you, people comparing him to Fabio. Shame on you for sleeping on this soft boy and judging him based on his appearance.)

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s kinda always present, being very French.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? No, but I’m willing to forgive that because he looks so good in his conductor uniform.

Does his hair look great? He never takes off his hat.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Mickey Miranda. They’re both murderers morally dubious characters who would look hot together. What else do you need? (Again, I see you, people who want Pierre for Roberta because he’s a “nice guy”, and I know for a fact you didn’t watch the movie. Spoilers, I guess.)

The Angel (2018)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? Oh yes.

Is he naked? Not once, but you won’t regret it because he’s wearing excellently stylish 1970s clothes.

Does his hair look great? It looks fantastic. The sideburns (not yet seen here) are a good touch.

Does he fuck? He can definitely get it, but he’s loyal to his wife.

Best paired with? As the most aesthetically coherent and fashionably hot pair in this post, Ashraf and Primo are a no-brainer. Can you imagine Primo calling him “Angel” in different contexts? When he’s being intimidating, not realizing how palpable the sexual tension between them is, and later not even hiding his arousal? Sometimes things just work because they��re hot. That’s all, folks.

Aladdin (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the main villain.

Is he hot? It’s not like he went viral for being the “hot Jafar” or anything.

Is he naked? No! Fucking thanks a lot, Disney.

Does his hair look great? He has a buzz cut under that turban but he looks good in the turban, so that’s something.

Does he fuck? It’s a Disney movie, so he doesn’t fuck - explicitly or otherwise - but he still comes off as a thirsty bitch.

Best paired with? Jafar ends the movie as a genie who’s obligated to grant his master three wishes but is enough of a petty bitch to exploit the hell out of the “gray area” and screw them over Wishmaster style. My unconventional pair for him is Lui from Ricordi? So many scenarios with distorted memories and magic-induced mindfuck. So many possibilities for awesome and messed up crossover gifsets! Don’t say I never give you guys anything.

Instinct (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s very prominent.

Is he hot? I hate myself for finding him hot but I do.

Is he naked? He’s playing basketball shirtless in one scene, shaking his sweaty boobs everywhere.

Does his hair look great? His weird mohawk-like thing is honestly terrible, but if anything can make it work, it’s Marwan’s bone structure.

Does he fuck? Um, I’m pleading the Fifth on this one for the sake of good taste.

Best paired with? Prison. A very lonely, Luca-less prison.

The Old Guard (2020)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, unless blinking in your case means sleeping through the gloriousness that is the first ever canonically gay couple in an American action film.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? Shirtless in one scene.

Does his hair look great? Soft curls courtesy of Luca Marinelli’s tireless lobbying.

Does he fuck? Not on screen, but you can just tell by the way he looks at his husband and reads impromptu poetry right to his face. And everybody knows nothing kindles the fires of passion quite like murdering homophobes together.

Best paired with? If you have to ask, you’re clearly reading this by mistake. In which case, kudos for finishing such a long and confusing post, now go watch The Old Guard and cry at the beauty that is The Immortal Marriage.

[tsukasalvr]

first off I wanna wish you a v merry Xmas if you celebrate it <33 idk whether your requests are open atm, but if they are, could I please request a oneshot where Tsukasas s/o (the reader) is exploring the old part of the school and is attacked by an apparition (from the readers POV teehee). Tsukasa then has to come and save us and kill the apparition that tried to kill us (cuz he’s a protective boi mwah). Tysm and I hope you have a great day <3

AN: Thank you for requesting !! And ty vv much!! Christmas was just a mess for me<//3 but I hope yours was great!! But remember that I only take requests from people that I’ve talked to once or twice or tumblr (whether it be from something random) but this idea was way too cute to not do !! But you are free to request again since we’ve talked once now:)

; 𝙏𝙨𝙪𝙠𝙖𝙨𝙖 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨/𝙤

𝗔𝗻𝗶𝗺𝗲/𝗳𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗺: 𝗧𝗯𝗵𝗸

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀: 𝗧𝘀𝘂𝗸𝗮𝘀𝗮

𝗔𝗡: 𝟱 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝘄𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗳𝘁,, 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸. 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗶 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗳𝘁𝘀- 𝗦𝗥𝗥𝗬 𝗜𝗙 𝗜𝗧𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗚𝗢𝗢𝗗 𝗜 𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗗 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗘𝗦𝗧 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗦𝗨𝗖𝗛 𝗔 𝗚𝗢𝗢𝗗 𝗥𝗘𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗯𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗮𝗵<𝟯

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦: 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱

; ᴛsᴜᴋᴀsᴀ ˚*��˚*•̩̩͙✧•̩̩͙*˚✮

You were heading to the old school building since Yashiro said she wanted you to meet someone

It was a bit odd since she seemed quite nervous and serious about it but you and Nene were very close friends so you trusted her that she won’t do anything bad

As you were walking down the hallway you got a text from Yashiro saying that she’ll be running a little late

You sighed and texted her it was fine

You decided to walk a little slower since ‘little late’ to Yashiro usually meant that she was going to take a while

You were admiring the the old part of the building, it was beautiful

You started thinking about who Nene wanted you to meet

Was it the underclass men blonde boy she usually hangs out with? Kou Minamoto I’m pretty sure was his name..

Maybe it was the school wonder in the bathroom, no- probably not, Nene seemed to scared to summon Hanako

You were to deep in thought to notice a ghost behind you creeping up on you

Before you knew it, you felt someone grab your shoulders and push you up against the wall as you let out a groan from the sudden act

As you looked up at it, you were terrified, it looked scary, it’s big mouth with sharp teeth that can eat you up at any second

It’s big body that seemed to tower over you by a ton

You were fearing for your life, you were too shocked and scared to find your voice

‘Please someone save me’

Then your mind landed on a specific cat like ghost boy, Tsukasa

You hoped he would quickly come in to save you, where is he

As the ghosts face was nearing towards your head someone quickly stepped in and picked you up bridal-style

You yelped and looked up at your savior, Tsukasa

He really did come

He just smiled at you and put you down gently on the floor

“Oh S/O, always getting yourself in trouble. Are you really that weak?”

Before you could reply he turned back to destroy the spirit with a happy grin on his face. The sight wasn’t pleased at all

You were shaking on the floor, he kinda seemed mad

Was he mad at you for getting yourself in trouble or the ghost?

Your thoughts were interrupted by Tsukasas face popping up in your view

Tsukasa knelt down in front of you and wiped tears from your eyes

You didn’t even realize you were crying

“Stop crying S/O, the big ugly ghost is gone, you’re with me now. Nobody will ever hurt you as long as I’m here.”

He wrapped his arms around and brought you to his embrace

You shakily hugged him back

“There, there” he says while patting your back “I’ll make sure you don’t get hurt, now come on where’s that smile I love so much”

He brought his fingers to the edges of your lips to bring them up to make a smile as he looked at you with a sadistic smile

“Yay! That’s much more better! I think I might just have to keep an eye on you all the time if you keep doing this.” He lets out a small giggle “I love you S/O.” He whispers sadisticly to your ear

You’re shakily say it back “I-I love you to-too, Ts-Tsukasa.”

He smiles at you then picks you up bridal-style again “Now let’s go back and tell Sakura we want muffins.”

You nod and then the next thing you knew you were enveloped in black smoke the borough to the broadcasting club room

You hug and smile at Tsukasa and thank him for saving you

Wait

You should probably text Yashiro you’re not able to meet her

Oh well, looks like you won’t find out who she wanted you to meet.

Maybe next time

Pls i love tsukasa sm <//3

People who like, reblog or follow= hot asf💕😍

[fairestwriting]

PLEASE DO, MY GAY LIL HEART LOVES WOMEN-

referring to this post

ask and ye shall receive... this is just clothes/hair/acccessories notes. sorry for the brainrot in some of these but.. twst women go brr. also in this by short skirt i mean like miniskirt length, and long is nearing knee length. medium would be a midpoint between the two

also any of yall are free to share your headcanons with me jddjfjdfj i have a thing for character design

riddle: Listen i hate when people draw her with twintails. big pet peeve of mine its not riddle at all. shed have one of these really fancy braided buns, because she wants to look proper -- and for the same reason, her skirt is a bit longer and she wears black tights (we are keeping the heeled shoes tho)

ace: hmm not much should change i dont think? i imagine her looking sort of tomboyish. hair like male ace but maybe just a bit longer, maybe one or two red barettes because she still wants to be cute. short skirt and socks

deuce: "tomboy at heart but shes trying to be a proper lady" kind of look. had short hair in her delinquent days but shes growing it out so its juuust a little shorter than shoulder length. longer skirt but short socks. she rips all the tights she tries so she figured that would be easier

trey: god so shes the one i can never really figure out... i only ever see people drawing her w short hair but im not sure if i like it much the hairstyles they do are often just kinda ugly- i think that kinda works, though, maybe chin length hair for her. as long as her bangs are just a little different from her male counterpart. medium length skirt and under the knee socks.

cater: same hairstyle with the bangs pulled back i think but long hair.. though short would look good on her too! shed be very cute. maybe ties her jacket around her waist and shes definitely a short skirt gal. has painted nails and nice makeup on and her socks are thigh highs or the loose ones.

rest under the cut bc this is mad long-

leona: hnngghh hot lion lady i cant decide if i like her more with short hair or long hair... i can go either way i think. short skirt and she still wears those wack ass sandals. this goes without saying but she has male leonas undone buttons too

ruggie: certified tomboy. same hair as male ruggie pretty much, same rolled up sleeves. she wears a skirt bc its part of the uniform id imagine but if they had like, a shorts option shed take it. shed be a shorts kind of gal. really short socks

jack: shoulder length hair, still fluffy and kinda spiky! maybe up in a sporty ponytail or something. shes still Very buff (read this in a simp voice) and would probably wear pants if they had the option in the uniform. if they dont have that then just... medium skirt i think, but she probably wears some kind of shorts underneath it. short socks and her jacket is tied around her waist more often than not

azul: GOD do i have thoughts about her. i also have a pet peeve regarding her hair i think fem azul would 100% be the type to have long hair instead of just keeping male azuls cut... its chest length and wavy and she keeps most of it pushed over one shoulder. medium skirt, she cares about being proper but still wants to look cute, probably would wear black tights but boy do i wanna see her in thigh highs

jade: hair is a very neat bob, i think! not that much different from her male counterpart, she still keeps the classiness. Obvious tights wearer and any skirt length would work with her, i think. though i cant see her in a very short one because she does care about being proper

floyd: also bobbed hair, except its a huge mess and she would probably pull it into a ponytail whenever shes able to.... short skirt and socks, some undone buttons. rolled up sleeves more often than not.

kalim: hghghghhg i can never decide on what hair id go with for her ~_~ in the end i think long and fluffy would be the most fitting, its about chest length and she does a variety of different styles, sometimes twintails, sometimes ponytails, sometimes she just leaves it the way it is! short skirt and socks, probably even more accessories than her male counterpart + painted nails (that jamil painted for her)

jamil: oh i can only see her being very similar to male jamil. same hairstyle pretty much though i think shed be heavier with the makeup, like her eyeshadow would be a bit darker? keeps the hoodie, medium shirt and short socks just below the knee. she probably looks scarier than her regular counterpart

vil: so we officially are in “similar to their counterpart” territory... i dont think fem vil could even be very different tbh, what sets her apart is that she has actually long hair- maybe past chest length even but she keeps that variety between having her hair up and down that vil has. either medium or long skirts bc she wants to keep it classy, obvious tights wearer. she has acrylic nails she changes every now and then and theyre Sharp. makeup on point always including this really intense red lipstick

rook: continuing our travel through similar territory... same hair, same weird ass hat, very similar in general. i just feel like shed be vaguely masculine too? but not in that “rough” way, or at least thats not how she looks like usually. medium skirt and she keeps the boots so you dont see her socks really. another one that would very much prefer to wear pants. sometimes she has red lipstick on because vil does her makeup every now and then

epel: a tough one tbh! i think she could either have the same haircut as epel, or slightly longer but she keeps it in a slightly messy ponytail. medium skirt, wishes so much they had a pants option. socks are hidden by the boots. shes very cute

idia: HRHRGFHRHHG *TRIES CONTAINING MY BRAINROT* SHE HAS SHORT HAIR AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL!!!!! keeps the jacket with short skirt and thigh highs. Does not think shes cute enough to wear a short skirt with thigh highs but all her waifus wear them so she has to. God i love my gamer gilfriend

ortho is just ortho but with little fire pigtails i care her

malleus: hnngh hot fae lady out with the mullet first of all it wouldnt fit her regal energy. she does have very long hair though, like way past chest length, and it does that thing thats like... when some parts are tied at the back and kept together with some sort of pin? That. long skirt and tights, high heels even though she doesnt need them, painted nails and dark eyeshadow. Queen

lilia: ...both lilias look the same and you cant convince me otherwise. if she wears a skirt its very short though and it has something underneath for volume so it looks ruffled and cute. would wear thigh highs too but not always

silver: either short hair or an updo of some kind... im thinking milk braids (different from riddles, you can see the bun in her hair but for silver its just the braids) to keep that royal ish energy. also decently proper, long skirt and alternates between tights and below the knee socks

sebek: i can only visualize her with long hair for some reason. its still very spiky and parted the same way her male counterpart does it, uniform absolutely on point and also mimicking malleus a little with the skirt and tights

[the-acid-pear]

Okay I'm going to judge all my ocs over how OBJECTIVELY attractive they are.

Main Ocs:

Luluco: As hot as i am IRL, i don't think Luluco would count as particularly attractive. Mostly because of the amount of body horror they have going on.

Bloody: AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO SAY THIS, i don't think Bloody would be particularly attractive to the average person!! 😭 Like she's a huge milf yeah but she's really skinny and really pale and has a weird fashion sense so :/

Shira: Shira is probably one of the hottest of my ocs. She's tall, curvy, has good fashion sense, pretty long hair... She's just really attractive.

Sheina: Face wise? In universe and probably irl not very attractive, I'm once again remaking her scars but they are simply pretty nasty. Body wise, she has a very attractive body, big booba, low-key ripped, probably big ass too even.

Takochu: The other one of my main ocs who's the most objectively attractive. Takochu has a nice figure, cares about her image, wears very cute clothes, has pretty hair, and even with the eyepatch she can make it look hot. Takochu is the best.

Juan: This motherfucker ugly af. He is basically destroyed, he hasn't slept in a long time, he barley eats anything, and doesn't have enough mental energy to care about be wears. He was average to attractive when younger at least.

Lola: I think Lola is mildly attractive. She's young she has freckles, pretty hair... Nah, she's really attractive.

Raúl: Just like Lola, mildly to highly attractive. He cares about his looks, has nice hair, and is mildly built, so objectively speaking, hot!

Secondary Ocs:

Dasha: I feel like Dasha would be mildly attractive. Her appearance is nice, good hair normal fashion, also big booba and defined arms under her big sweaters.

Shanlier: She's both attractive but not really. She's one of those so called BIMBOS, have you heard of them? Queen has a nice body but would walk out the shower naked without realizing why that's bad, plus hasn't brushed her hair in a long time.

Sonae: God i swear Sonae isn't as ugly as she looks in her icon i need to do her justice bro 😭😭

Nomi: She's average, nothing too attractive about her, but she isn't ugly.

Thomas: I mean even if you found insane twinks hot, he's in a similar page as Juan, probably more scars but less chronic pain, Thomas is too weird to be considered attractive.

Ace: OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING.... Ace is pretty cute, like they care for their appearence and sometimes wear pretty clothes plus look at their face and their hair i just ;_; they murderous baby :/

Shenlly: She is kinda average. I think she's hot but she doesn't have any big things going on about her, she's just a lady.

Cash: Hot, pretty attractive. He's literally a Bad Boy™, have you seen his hair? He probably wears a jean jacket and a white tee. This guy is also definitely buff. Cash is hot.

John: Mildly attractive, he's a pretty boy with clear skin and long hair. Not a big deal but he did have a gf tbf

Zella: Or Zelda it depends on my humor. Hhhhh she's a complicated case. I mean, objectively? Her face is kinda weird man. Like let's be fair here she is from the sims 3. I think she would qualify as attractive.

Rose and Alyssa: Both attractive, you can pick and choose based on aesthetic lol.

Rhys: Rhys is pretty average, there wasn't anything particularly attractive about him, really.

Penumbra: I know some of you guys would say the literal shadow is hot, but this is a objective rating so no, not attractive.

Rob: I need to shave his beard, that aside, he is probably mildly attractive, he's a tall buff (perhaps the most of my Ocs) bald guy with dark sunglasses. He's pretty cool, pretty attractive.

Tracy: Objectively? Not really attractive. Not because she's particularly ugly, i mean, she doesn't have any "ugly" features, other than perhaps a messy style. I will let you guys decide lol.

Elizabeth: LOL RICH KID!! Attractive.

Max: Objectively not attractive and she does not desire to change it. She prefers to keep it that way.

Randoms:

Personbug: They are actually pretty average, perhaps mildly unattractive if you think bad of eyepatchs, but it's not like they focus much on their outfits.

Bo: ...i don't know what to tell you.

Chad: He's attractive. He simply is. "Oh but he's f-" shut up. Leave. Chad is so fucking hot.

Donovan: He's a zombie, he has a free pass to being unattractive.

Dikx: I'm honestly not sure. Perhaps average, they don't have much going on. The body it's just that, a small body.

Matias: Average to attractive, he's just a twink.

Mateo: I'm sorry monsterfuckers but he's objectively NOT attractive.

Stardew Valley:

Mila: Attractive. She has a Russian accent. Do i need to say more? Well, i do, because on top of that she's buff. And she wears pretty bows and has a red lipstick. Hot girl.

Mora: Mildly attractive. She's pretty cute, hair is long and soft, but that's it.

Leon: Attractive, he's a hunk /hj, also cute pastel color fashion, that IS cute.

Genesis: Mildly attractive? His tits are huge, cool hair, dark glasses...

Damon: Complicated, because face wise i believe he is attractive, plus he's tall and has muscle definition. Problem is their fashion sense, but since they do change often, attractive.

Vinyl: Her character is still a sort of a big wip, but i think she's attractive too, she's Damon's twin after all.

Among us:

Usculbaba: Objectively unattractive. I mean, look at him. He's argentinian a mess. Only wears old band tshirts, hasn't washed his teeth in a long while, barely ever sleeps, his beard is a mess.

TransRight: Attractive. She's pretty cute, $100 smile too.

[blondsauduun-reads]

Really Something

Pairing: Julie x Luke

Word count: 2k

Warnings: Flu? I think some light swearing? 

Plot: Request from @riverdalefan2019​ - The guys all went to college and Luke meets his roommate Julie instant attraction but neither want to mess up there room situation but one week it changes and Luke gets sick with the flu and Julie takes care of him, and while bed ridden truths are admitted about falling for each other and they get together please.

A/N: This was my first request ever so. Be nice. Also I hope I did well and did more or less what you had in mind!!!

Ah, first day of college. You can smell the nervousness and the panic of the freshmen, the exasperation and exhaustion of the sophomores and juniors, and the will to finally pass this year of the seniors.

Wasn’t like that for Julie Molina though. She was excited, full of life, willing to ace every single test and assignment.

She was strolling through campus, looking at the buildings, the people, listening to music. Looking everywhere but ahead and listening to nothing except Harry Styles on her earbuds.

“Hey! Watch out!” A brunet guy raised his voice, bringing her back to the real world, where she’d just thrown this guy’s stuff on the ground.

“Shi- I’m so sorry, wait, let me help,” she immediately dropped to the floor and helped the guy pick up his stuff, which was all cables and CDs. 

“I’m Julie. Hi.” Once everything was back in the box, she tried to introduce herself.

“Luke, a pleasure.” He smiled. 

A brief moment of epiphany where he realized Julie was absolutely stunning, and she realized Luke was breathtakingly cute.

“Luke!” Some other masculine voice broke him out of his trance. “C’mon, we have to get the room, now!” The guy, presumably Luke’s future roommate, had blond and very shiny hair, and was accompanied by a punk-looking black-haired guy too.

“See you around!” She said, also turning to where her dorm room was

.

Julie walked into the building, looking for room 195.

Entering the building, finding the correct floor, the right wing and making all the right turns in the hallways.

It was a lovely room, had two beds, two desks, two dressers, and a questionable rug on the floor.

“They really got you two a double room? And what about me, man?” Luke said from outside, kind of jumping around. “Who gon’ be my roomie?”

“Dude, calm down.” The blond guy from earlier said, grabbing his shoulders, so he stopped jumping around. “Me and Reg two doors down that way. Chill.”

“Yeah!” Reggie said, “And maybe, you even get that cute girl you were talking to earlier, huh?” he added, wiggling his brows.

“You mean me?” Julie said, popping her head out the door to the hall.

“Yeah!” He said. “I’m Reggie, this is Alex, and this,” Reggie shoved Luke inside the room. “Is your roomie.” He waved bye and dragged the blond along back to their dorm.

“Luke, right?” Julie asked, not that she’d ever forget his name, though.

“Yep, and you're Julie” He smiled, she smiled, they set ground rules, like not bringing boyfriends or girlfriends over and like not going through each others’ stuff, and they got to decorating and unpacking.

“Damn, the theater majors really are blasting Hamilton across the hall, geez.” Julie said, coming into the room she and Luke had been sharing for five weeks, with a plastic bag with their dinner in it inside. 

“Oh I know.” Luke spun around with his desk chair and stood up to greet Julie and help her set the table -which they bought one week after moving in, at a thrift shop for like, five bucks- “It’s been like that since you left.” He rolled his eyes, making her laugh. It was nice to know that he could make her laugh.

“I hate this rug, it’s like, stepping on sandpaper.” She mentioned the almost brown rug under their feet, which hadn’t been clean since the university bought it. That made him snicker and nod. “We should clean it.”

Christmas break was finally here. The roommates of dorm nº195 and dorm nº190 -Alex and Reg- were pretty tight knit by then, and all of them were staying at campus for the holiday, because Julie couldn’t afford going to Puerto Rico on Christmas, and the boys didn’t really like family time anyway, so they stayed with Julie.

For Christmas they had lunch at Julie and Luke’s dorm, because surprisingly it was the least messy of the two rooms, and because somehow, their kitchenette had a stove, which wasn’t actually allowed, but, whatever, it’s just soup. So, their Christmas lunch was soup and a rotisserie chicken.

Gifts were exchanged! Alex got some new fancy socks, a snapback with a goat and some new drumsticks because Reggie accidentally broke them two weeks ago, Reggie got some fierce new boots, an ugly christmas sweater which he actually loved and a goldfish from Petco, Luke got a collection of new notebooks -because he seemed to burn through an entire one in less than a month-, yet another flannel shirt, and some fuzzy socks -from Julie, because he always stole hers, despite the rule that said to not go through each others’ stuff, and always ended up stretching them out so that they didn’t fit her anymore-, and Julie received a denim jacket -which she had deemed her favorite since that day-, a couple of potted plants, and a big hoodie -which wasn’t actually big, it was Luke’s size, which apparently she loved, because she had stolen every single one of his hoodies without asking (he was out and the dorm didn’t have any heating, ok?), and always seemed to put them back in their place, until the day Luke saw her wearing one, almost fainted because of how cute she looked, and suddenly it made sense why his hoodies always smelt like her (not that he ever mentioned that, though)-. So yeah, they had a nice Christmas.

Today was December 27th and the two of them were cleaning the rug (outside and on the pavement, which had been lined with a piece of plastic), because today was the sunniest day they’d had all the month.)

“Hey!” Julie laughed when Luke splashed some of the water-soap solution on her.

“What?” He acted as if he was doing a completely normal, mature thing. “Looks like you need a thorough scrubbing too, Julie.” Oh boy.

“Uh? Excuse you sir, at least I wear sleeves.” She soaked up good her sponge in the soapy water, “Because, if you had actual tees, I wouldn’t be able-” No sleeves, and as usual, the arm hole on his shirt was so big it reached his lower ribs. “- to do this!” Shaboom. She threw the sponge into the sleeve hole, directly into his shirt.

“You just started a war, Molina!” He fished the wet sponge out of his clothes and threw it at her face.

Julie soaked the sponge up again and threw it at his face, somehow he lost balance and fell onto the semi-dirty wet rug. 

“A war that you have lost, Patterson.” She said, hovering over him, claiming her victory.

“Don’t flatter yourself.” He pulled on the arm that was supporting her over him, so now she lost balance, fell on the wet rug too, and somehow threw the whole bucket of water on them.

“Well, it’s soap and water, so we’re not technically dirty, right?” He chuckled.

“You’re really something Luke. Really something.” Well. In that particular moment, he was a wet music major with a tummy full of christmas food. But Julie meant that he was really something, to her.

But unfortunately, and in that case, really something also meant he was really prone to catching nasty colds.

“Luke, your fever is getting real high, real fast.” Julie said, looking at the thermometer which clearly indicated 104ºF and 40ºC.

“If I’d have known that all it takes is a fever for you to call me hot, I would’ve gotten sick earlier.” He answered, from under his blanket.

“Shit, he’s even worse than usual.” Alex said through Julie’s phone, which was on speaker and on the table.

“We’ll come by after class, bring him some antipyretics or something. Good luck!” He said, before hanging up.

“That’s it.” She said. “I’m going to the store.” She couldn’t stand Luke looking so sick and weak, she missed the healthy and boyish Luke. She was going to get soup ingredients at the store.

“Luke, you’ll-” She turned around to tell him he should rest, but found him sleeping already. “Rest, and get better.” She kissed his forehead, still feeling him burning up, and went on her way. Luke smiled in his sleep.

“Hey, Luke.” She shook his shoulder gently to wake him up. “You’ve slept the whole afternoon, I made dinner.” 

Luke woke up, kinda. He could smell spices.

“But it’s not done yet, and you need to take a shower.”

“What, why?” 

“Well, you’re sweaty and feverish, so a room temperature shower will do you good.” She said, going to grab something out of her drawer. “And use this with your body soap.”She handed him a fancy little bottle that spelled Alcoholado on the front in a very worn down paper stuck to it. 

“Okay.” He put up no resistance, just grabbing his Manly Man 2-in-1 Shampoo and Soap, his towel, some crocs for the shower (which everyone complained about, but whatever) a clean set of pjs, the bottle she had given him, stuffed it into his backpack, and went to the bathrooms.

Twenty minutes after, he was back, the table was almost set, two big bowls of something that looked like soup on the table, the trashcan full of plastic wrappers and veggie rests from the soup, the leftover ingredients tucked away in the only cabinet their kitchenette had, and a medium pot of soup on the stove, which wasn’t on anymore, but the soup on the inside still steamed a bit. And Julie in her christmas-gift-hoodie and some sweats.

“What was that thing you gave me?” Luke asked, looking at the bottle he held in his hand and throwing his bag on his bed.

“Alcoholado, my Abuela made it and gave me half a dozen bottles for college. It’s supposed to calm fevers and help with colds.” Julie said, putting the cutlery on the table and sitting down. 

“And this is chicken Asopao, my Abuela also made it for me when I was sick.”

“Julie, you really didn’t-”

“In first place, yeah I did, it’s my fault you’re sick; and in second, I care about you, Luke.”

Luke almost fucking fainted, but decided that sitting on the chair and eating the Asopao she’d made was way better.

“Thank you for taking care of me,” he said, cleaning up the table and everything with her. “ I feel a lot better.”

“I’m happy I did!” She said, somehow earning a nice hug from him.

After they broke apart the hug, they turned off the lights and went to sleep.

Julie was woken up at 4 am by Luke’s coughing, and went to check on him immediately.

She checked his temperature, which was somehow very cold, despite him being wrapped in a pair of blankets.

“I-I’m cold,” He muttered half asleep.

“Yeah, I can feel that.” She rushed to her bed again and pulled a thick duvet from under it, went back to Luke and laid it on him. “Better?”

“No.” He said, hesitantly. “Cuddle with me maybe?”

Julie thought about it. This would only make her heart flutter and turn her feelings towards him more intense, but he was sick because of her and she’d lose a bit of her dignity to make him feel better if that’s what it took.

“Scoot over.” She said softly, holding up the blankets so she could get under them.

Twenty seconds after, they were both cuddling very comfortably in his bed, Luke was beginning to warm up, when he made a comment;

“I know why I’m in love with you, Julie.” She opened her eyes in a heartbeat, but stood still, thinking about what to tell him, and if she should respond at all. 

“It’s because you’re caring and lovable and kind and just, overall amazing.” He said sleepily, before she could say anything.

“I love you too, Luke.” She kissed the crown of his head, Yes they were spooning and she was big spoon. “Sleep now, though. You need it.” 

They wiggled closer to one another, and finally fell asleep, under three blankets and had very sweet dreams.

[moonlit-maiden]

So I play a mobile game called LoveNikki and you know what? I wanna gush/comment/talk about it. Cause I can. Oh well.

So we got another world debut event. Goodie... =.= It's a pavilion too. Like... fuck you guys, you JUST brought back Shutendoji (which I skipped like a boss cause it's ugly. Only did my half-price pull). The outfit for the pavilion is... a hot mess tbh. It looks like a bratty, sexy, loli vampire, no thanks. I did however, like pieces of it.

Since the Sacred Psalm pavilion (another word debut but THAT one I was trying hard not to dump my diamonds in there cause... I like angels and holy shit okay!? I got the makeup and unpossed dress there so I was GOLDEN baby. Also got the singing angel doll, floofy white rub and bench. That bench has a fuckton of detail WOW.) I've decided if I at least like a decent amount of the items in the pavilion I'll pull 3-5 times, depending. So this new one, Treasure Trove... Cove...? I don't care tbh... is 80 diamonds a pull. So cheaper then usual(which is 100). The first pull's half-priced.

I pull and get the gloves. I was kinda bummed but upon actually wearing them they're surprisingly nice. Cool! Pull again. I get the top. At first I kinda shrugged but upon putting it on? WOW. Its actually hella cute! It's an open midriff babydoll top. The texture details are amazing, the color is quite unique - maroon - and I did not notice in the horrible pose the promo uses but there are delicate gold chains on it! OOOOO!!! SHINEY! So like... I'm actually stoked. It fits the Fox Bride makeup shockingly well, color-wise, actually... 3rd pull I get the gloves again. BOOOOO! Out of spite I pull a 4th time cause fuck getting a repeat so soon.

I got. The stained-glass window.

This is THE items I wanted. And? AND???? When use it, it casts a pink hue on your dress-up avatar. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssss. Decided to try my luck at getting the matching pants for the top; I pulled the crown. I usually love crowns and veils but... I hate the shape of this one, which is a traditional English king's crown. And like. It's not even full-sized it's mini. I hate mini hats of any kind they are ugly fight me. That was my 5th and final pull. So, overall I'm happy. I got the one item I really wanted, one thing I don't want, one thing I am satisfied with and a surprise piece I love, despite being hard to style due to layering. Overall I'm happy.

We also have another event with the suit Eternal Tide. It's a Ruin suit aka futuristic. I tend to haaaate Ruin suits but I adore this one! It's very girly and elegant while still techy. The cost for it in total, including the free tries over the course of the event is about 1.4k diamonds according to the calculation based on the Chinese server (which is the origin server). So I dumped about how much I need so by the end of the event I should have the whole suit. I seriously LOVE it. If nothing else I'd use almost all the items save top and bottom very often with other outfits. The hair is actually super pretty; long, silky-looking and a lovely soft gradient from a saturated aqua blue to more muted/faded/white. The necklace and bracelets are very minimal so easy to use. The tattoo is... love. It shows up amazingly on the darker skintone option and I honestly love it. AND THE GROUND PIECE THAT LOOKS LIKE WATER. It literally makes it look like you're stepping on water. Combined with the backgrounds that actually HAVE water and yessss. Much Goddess outfit options <3 Amazing investment overall.

When I'm home I'll reblog this with the outfit I made from the pulls of the pavilion. Cause I'm super obsessed with it oh gods. I basically did a holy warrior angel after a hard day of fighting, dressed up to surprise her lover. Elegant, a touch sexy but tasteful. ….also I can see Aitsuru wearing this for her husband I'm JUST saying XD

[ginnysweasley]

tippi talal // 22 //  historica seafront // gigi hadid

swimwear model/designer, instagram famous, and part time baby whisperer. is ready to fight anytime she’s drunk. frequently thrown out of bars - would be banned from even more if she wasn’t attractive and brought in business. the epitome of being young, hot, and 22 in a beach vaca town. always at some party, always manages to get coyote wild ugly on a bar top, always flirting with someone she shouldn’t. really in her prime and loving it. will always ask if you wanna do body shots off of her (so far there have been none that turn down that offer). drags all of her girlfriends away to share secrets under 3am neon signs in club bathrooms and really just loves her girls.

needs: all of the girl friends, she’s that drunk that pets their hair and tells them they’re pretty and feeds them peanuts. then turns around and needs someone to do the same for her because she’s definitely not responsible. some one night stands that mistake her niceness for clinginess then she gotta put chad in his place because the sex was mediocre and she gave him a fake number. her ex boyfriend (link here soon), and other current hookups. 

milou buttons/botones // 21 // the enclave (?) // cami morrone 1 

2 precious and 2 qt 4 u. wears heart shaped sunglasses like that’s a thing still in style and is always seen playing with, blowing or chewing bubble gum. has like 50 cherry icicles a day, lips are consistently stained red, and the type of person strangers give flowers or the middle finger to. no inbetween. probably breaks for birds and holds up traffic for a cute lil fam of ducks to cross. if bubbles from the powerpuff girls and baby spice from the spice girls had a baby it’d be her. always wants to help people, prone to being the damsel in distress, and constantly having to have her ass saved (by her twin or like sawyer). the dumbest, but kinda cute. really doesn’t know any better. 

needs: all of the friends once again. she’s like not the most responsible person (pina coladas and umbrella drinks are too tempting for her to stay completely sober) or the designated driver but like she’ll be useful in other ways? maybe? hopefully? a few bad exs, maybe a few good ones. girls/buys she can flirt with since no one is paying her any attention rn. anyone who wants to offer their assholes as like someone who kinda fucked with her head. do i want to request a lil spice girls group? maybe. family?

tig scott // 28 // saint royale beach  // amber heard  

she’s what they call “a piece of work”. vodka aunt without the aunting (unless someone makes her siblings and allow her to transform to her true potential), and her only purpose is to be used as the “the example on what not to do”. usually means well, but very often is selfish and self orientated that other people are burned in the process. will do almost anything to get out of confrontation. including skipping town and she’s thought twice about faking her own death so far. went so far as dying her hair brunette and everyone got sus *eyes emoji*. dramatic, but fun. 28 is the new 18 according to her. went to a really prestigious art school. did nothing with it except impress older, rich men that think she’s a real trophy to show off. currently working as a sex columnist for cosmo magazine. probably the only person in all of florida who can’t swim and now at 28 she’s not having a fun time learning. still wears bikinis everywhere if she doesn’t feel like showing off her new valentino dress. girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

needs: terrible people to be her friends, the other 28 group gang because i’m throwing her into that, people today drink with (classily, she wants mimosas and fishbowl margaritas not sloppy, greasy haired messes). any high school exs, and if you want to make her ex-ex husband that’d be cool too. he’s most likely local and it lasted like .45 seconds. and family. she needs the rest of the scott’s.

marigold baldwin // 26 // idk  // eiza gonzalez 2 

 i might make her megan hipwell inspired from the girl on the train (babe) or request some polyship. idk. and also the rest of the baldwin family, i need to plot with you.

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic

I was talking to an online friend on Twitter not too long ago, and the subject of bad fanfiction came up. My friend had been reading “My Immortal” and losing his shit over it. I asked if he’d read “Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen” and it turned out he had not. He’d never even heard of it.

Indeed, while this story is one of the best-known badfics out there, it’s still considerably less popular than “My Immortal” is, and I think that’s a damn shame. This may be my personal favorite work of bad fanfiction; it’s a fantastic example of the “so bad it’s good” genre. Author BeckyMac666 writes like no other English-language writer has ever written, and this is both a good and a bad thing. She’s almost certainly a troll, given the blatant use of established badfic tropes and several parallels with “My Immortal,” but when you’re this good at being terrible it really doesn’t matter how serious you are about it.

For the record, there are folks who believe that this fic and “My Immortal” share an author, due to the aforementioned parallels. I personally don’t think that’s true, since the prose is very different, but if it amuses you to imagine that they’re written by the same person, be my guest.

Like virtually all Twilight badfic, this story is about a mysterious new girl arriving in Forks and shaking up Bella and Edward’s relationship by creating a love triangle. As usual, Bella is made out to be completely awful in the process, Jacob is largely forgotten about, and the protagonist may not be entirely human herself. This is far weirder, and more entertaining, than your average shitty Twilight fanfiction, though. Mark my words.

I first MSTed this fanfiction back on the old WordPress version of this blog, but, as that was a long time ago and I like to think I’m funnier nowadays, I rewrote most of my comments. It’s not wildly different, but hopefully it is an improvement over the old version.

AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story, hope its better this time!

I have no idea what the unedited version of this thing looked like, but I honestly can’t imagine it being any more ridiculous than the final story.

btw i am young and have dyslexia i find spellin hard but its meant2 be unformal ok !

Use spellcheck, you fool! Or get a proofreader!

no critisism pls!

Oops.

tis story goes out 2 my bf zac(kisses!) amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL!

The Tara parallel here is probably intentional. Zac never gets mentioned again, much like Tara’s boyfriend, but Tiffi isn’t Becky’s beta reader and they don’t have a spat partway through or anything of that sort.

EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him gud!)

Honestly, I think this is how all fanfiction should open. Just tell me straight-up what character you wanna bang before the story’s even started. Save us all some time.

love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx

Aww. That’s kinda cute.

UPDATE: I have a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see (thank u vickie!)

Yeah, Vickie, thank you. Looks like you’re doing a great job and you’ve got everything under control here.

i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.

Since this fic got “abandoned,” subsequent chapters have not actually been improved. Not that one can tell, anyway.

Altantiana

Yes, that is a typo of her OC’s name. Off to a great start.

Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa).

Virtually no one calls her Tiana during the course of the story. Just so you know. “Tiaa” isn’t a typo, either, though I have no idea why the author felt the need to add an extra A.

Notice the middle name? Subtle.

I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington!

This actually makes her a year younger than Bella, for the record.

My hair is long and pale like spun gold and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist.

It’s pale and it’s pale? Also, gold and amber are not the same color.

My eyes are deep forgetminot blue and my delicate fentures are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight.

I’ve been complimented on my fentures before too, but it’s nothing worth bragging about.

I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys that I'm real pretty and look like a model or a bunny girl (some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt with me its disgusting and weird!) but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story.

Well, gee, after that modest description of yourself I’m shocked that boys think you’re attractive, Tiaa. You sounded so plain and ordinary.

Am guessing that the girls who don’t tell a different story are gay.

They say I'm too ivory white and ethereal and too skinny and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways, I think they were just being BIATCHES especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE! Sorry, I'm not really such a batch but she is SO horrible if you met her you'd think the same!)

I hate when girls pick on me for being too ethereal.

Even though we’re using the “attractive character looks anorexic but isn’t” trope, and that’s obviously not so great, I guess it’s nice that Tiaa/Becky took the time to point out that the comparison is disrespectful to people who actually have anorexia or another eating disorder.

The bit about Ellie Mayfair is one of the best things I’ve ever read. I hope you guys all understand why I had to run this fic now.

Anyways I am quite tall and slim and but with really big boobs that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body and draw to much attention but now i like them and don't care who stares at me!

Ah, the “skinny yet improbably busty” body type. Strangely more common in fiction than in real life.

Tiaa totally does care who stares at her, by the way. As we’ll see shortly.

I have a lip ring and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair. I smell like mint and cinnamon.

I have no idea why we’re supposed to care about any of this, but I’m particularly unclear about why we should care what she smells like.

I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen to COOL music!

Tiaa’s specific music taste never comes up, to my recollection, but I’m betting My Chemical Romance is involved.

It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie. They are nice and all very hole some sweet people but it is not like having a real family.

Yeah, Tiaa is adopted. This is sort of plot-important later on, but we never get to learn much about her life prior to Dave and Marie.

I've been hurt to many times to let people close to me and I don't talk to them very much.

I mean… you just moved in with them.

My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad. I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him.

Foreshadowing!

Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me as I walked down the hall.

Presumably because she’s too ethereal.

I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it.

That could have something to do with why they’re staring.

I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me. I was used to it and I paid no at-tension to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys!) and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!) when she called me a freak!

God I love this author’s writing style. Truly, no one has ever written like this, before or since. BeckyMac666 is one of the unsung geniuses of our time.

Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore!

Most of the rest of the story is about various people messing with Tiaa. For the record.

My first day I was relay board, I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept,.

I’m a pretty big fan of the phrase “cloud-embittered,” although it is of course completely meaningless.

Hey, uh… why the hell hasn’t she gotten dress coded? I went to a private school and I guess our dress code was a bit stricter than most, but most high schools will get upset at teenage girls for not covering their knees and shoulders, let alone having any undergarments visible. Tiaa’s entire bra is showing through her fishnet top. This is a situation in which I think it’d be reasonable to ask her to change.

My ears are pierced four times, I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign!) on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder, and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life.

I don’t know why we’ve gone right back to (over)describing Tiaa, but I do think I should delete my entire OkCupid bio and replace it with this opening chapter.

Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this, well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl.

Could’ve fooled me!

I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand. When I sleep I hear whispers in another language and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it!

That’s nothing. I had a dream once where I explained the meaning of Nirvana lyrics to somebody (obviously not possible in real life), and I couldn’t remember my explanation when I woke up either.

I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color!

I’d like to remind you that this is set in the Twilight universe. It’s already got magical creatures, and there are rules established about their abilities, appearances, and behavior. Tiaa is clearly not quite human, but she doesn’t seem to be a vampire, a half-vampire, or a werewolf. She’s completely unique within her universe, for no defined reason, and the rules governing other nonhumans don’t apply to her.

Like, the physical description and the obvious homage to “My Immortal” already made it clear that this girl is a Mary Sue, but this author clearly gets that Sue status isn’t just about looking unreasonably pretty. It’s about defying the rules of canon. Tiaa’s outstanding at that, as you’ll see later on.

I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people.

God, what a sentence.

I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire.

Something like… bad writing?

The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept!

There are so many bad fanfics where the prose is bare-bones, with few or no adjectives/adverbs and simple sentence structure. BeckyMac666 tends in the opposite direction, and it’s awesome. Everything is phrased as though it’s super dramatic, nonsense metaphors abound, and our author has clearly never met an adjective she didn’t like. Hey @ aspiring trollfic authors: take note. This is how you write an entertaining badfic.

At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue beheath my long black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me.

Also a big fan of how Tiaa always talks about herself as though she’s checking herself out.

It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features. He was tall and mussel and looked like he was wearing eyeliner and my body got hot and cold all at once as I looked at him.

Kind of like an erection only she’s a girl so she didn’t get one you sicko.

I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt!

Foreshadowing! Again!

A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant so i thought well whatevah, hes taken.

Straight-up one of the greatest similes I’ve ever seen. Like, I study English literature and I don’t think I’ve ever read a metaphor better than that one. I’m not joking, it’s brilliant.

She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though. I figured I was maybe prettier then her. I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low.

The modesty act might be a little more convincing if we hadn’t just read several paragraphs of Tiaa talking about how hot she is.

So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs in the locker room while no one was there.

Hey, what’s a “bald drug”? I go to a liberal arts college and I’ve watched the entirety of Breaking Bad multiple times, so you think I’d have heard of it.

As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine.

Musk is a substance some male animals secrete for scent-marking purposes. The word comes from the Sanskrit for “scrotum.” Thought you all should know.

I locked away hurriedly. I smocked dope in the locker room for a bit then I wondered to my next class.

This bitch just hotboxed a locker room on her first day of school. 

I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!

Remember that this is the beta-read version of the chapter.

"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems)

So you know how self-insert characters, particularly Sues, often have self-proclaimed “anger issues”? I wanna talk about that, actually, because it’s a trope I see not only in fanfiction but in published fiction, and it honestly bugs me.

In real life, anger issues are a totally legitimate character flaw, and one that can have serious negative consequences in-universe. A character with a bad temper may make rash decisions, screw up their relationships with others, have trouble holding down a job, get in trouble with the law, and so on; people who have anger problems are often mentally ill and/or traumatized, too, and the anger may be just the tip of the iceberg. Many morally ambiguous characters, well-written ones, have trouble with anger. There’s nothing wrong with this trope when it’s executed correctly.

In the hands of a less-than-competent writer, however, anger issues are the opposite of a problem, because the character’s show of anger will invariably cause others to back down or apologize and there will be no negative consequences. Writing a character who’s so sweet and charming that they always get their way has exactly the same effect, but as that trope falls out of style “anger issues” has taken its place and the authors who write these characters have no idea that they’re doing the same thing as the trope they thought they were avoiding.

Of course, this is the work of a troll, and the use of this trope is almost certainly intentional, but there are way too many authors who employ it unironically as a way to give a “flaw” to a character that even they realize is bordering on unrealistic.

"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven "please forgive me my lady”

Author’s so fond of weird phrases that I have no idea whether or not “wet heaven” is intended as innuendo.

It was the hawt pale guy!

Dun dun dunnnn!

Next chapter

[opisasodomite]

Answer all of them. That's right you bastard, every damn one. We're gonna overload this site with the cuteness that is your relationship. Happy goddamn Easter.

You sent me this just to torture me damn you Nicole 1. Have you met your soul mate?Well that term is cheesy as hell but I literally can't imagine anyone more compatible with me than Act and I love him super lots so... Yes? I guess?2. Favorite color when you were younger, and now?I used to really love green partly because Irish but now I'm all about the purple because I am the Byzantine emperor3. Do you wear eye-shadow? What color?Get anything away from my eyes I am terrified of anything makeup related near my eyes even eye shadow4. Are you in love right now?YES5. In your opinion, is love at first sight real?No but the fact that I literally saw Act's OkCupid profile and immediately thought wow what a cool dude sure says a lot about my judgment lol6. Are you an optimist, realist, opportunist, or pessimist?I guess I consider myself a realist? Like things aren't either wholly bad or good and I do believe you can advance if you take opportunity but ultimately you are limited based off of your circumstances like wealth race status and mental health, stuff like that. 7. First kiss details? (If you haven’t been kissed, reply how and if you would like to be.)lol I'm going to do both first kisses because I really wish my first was actually Act. So it's high school and no other gay kids existed ooexcept my friends friend. We start dating because duh gay. We go to a school concert and I'm like trying to be cutesy and romantic so I tell him, because I'm dying of heat in the winter because Florida, "if I had do be overheating at least it's with you~*~" and then cue kiss. He was an ugly dude but damn did he know how to kiss.My first kiss with Act was actually damned passionate. We meet up after talking for months for the first time. I drove six hours from Tampa to Savannah and we meet and hang out all day right. It's all very simple and very chaste. We go hang out at my hotel afterwards though where we pretend we don't know what we wanna do. So we start cuddling... My god I've never felt such electricity from someone touching me. He says he's wanted to do that all day as we just hold hands. I then ask if we can kiss. We lean in gently and it's awkward but feels so good...We didn't do anything else except make out but it was great.8. Do you own stickers, an stationary?No but Act taught me calligraphy and I really should learn it again and get some nice stationary for fun.9. What’s your aesthetic?Uh... Colorful pants? That's all I guess lol 🤣10. Do you wear dresses, and skirts?Nah11. What is your hair like?Resistant to change. I have blond and wavy hair but no matter what I do it always wants to lie flat on my head so I've given up doing fancy stuff with it and just do some decent styling.12. Does time go by fast or slow to you?Too damn FAST when Act is here and too damn SLOW when I'm bored to death.13. What time do you go to bed? What time do you wake up?This question assumes I have a regular sleep schedule.I guess normally I fall asleep around 2 and wake up at 10 though.14. Favorite sweet food?Hmm... Lately I've kinda become an endless cheesecake eater. That and cookies or ice cream.15. Tea, coffee, or hot cocoa?I would die without coffee but tea is also good. 16. Space, Ocean, City, or Forest?I'm a forest gay.17. Favorite game as a child?Video game: the Legend of Zelda: Wind WakerBoard game: this weird version of chess called stratego? I would always play it with my mom lolOutdoors: uhhh baseball? If by baseball you mean hitting a ball and not having to run lol18. Comfort book?It's hardly a comfort book because it's the embodiment of Angst™ but the only book I can just open and read a bit of is Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami. The narrative voice and theme of adolescent identity crisis really kinda got to me when I first read it. I still identify heavily with the characters and love the surreal, almost cerebral tone.19. Princess, Fairy, Mermaid, or Unicorn?I'm a forest fairy boy thanks 20. Do you fall in love easily?Lol very much so. I met Act in person once, and we were just chatting one night on the phone and he was translating "Now I See the Light" from Tangled from Swedish into English and it just hit me: this super nerd is the cutest and most interesting guy I've ever met, and has a beautiful voice and personality. 21. Favorite word?Apparently. It's quite versatile and always has a ring of sarcasm to it.22. Describe your life in 3 words.AHHHHHHHHHHH (grad school), Act, Nicole 23. Do you dance? Slow dance?lol nope 24. Do you wear fake nails, or paint your nails?Nah 25. Has anyone ever confessed to you?I'm literally the confidante of both of my best friends (Act included) so yes26. Do you lie?Yeah. White lies though, I can't stand being deceitful unless I'm trying to avoid something unpleasant for me or anyone else. Like I'll say I'm going to bed but really just want alone time or I'll say I need to get home instead of I really don't want to be in social situations right now.27. What makes you smile?Thinking about my boyfriend :)Otherwise it's my super cool friend @stained-glass-rose That jerk 28. Have you ever cried in a book or movie?Duh. I sob at any emotional scenes 29. When and who was your first crush?Hmm that's hard to say really. The first super super deep one was with this guy Chaz in high school, my best friend at the time. He and I had 6/7 of our classes together and spent every day eating lunch with each other. During the summer he would ask me to come over every day and after I came out he got even more physically affectionate with me. During freshman year English class we watched a shitty version of the Odyssey and he just rested his head on my arms and napped there. It was super super gay for me. We still suspect he was probably attracted to guys.30. Marriage or kids?Marriage without a doubt, it's legally convenient and frankly I like the idea of a nice commitment thingy. Kids I'm gonna need a long time to think about because I'm an anxious and depressed mess who can hardly handle himself and is afraid of getting a pet even. I like the idea of giving a sweet kid a good home but I'm worried I'm not up for it. We shall see. 31. Are you superstitious?Not at all. Tbh I find ghosts, magic, superstitions, and all that to be completely silly.32. Who’s your 3 am thought?Take a wild guess lol(Act~)33. Do you like candy? What’s your favorite candy?I have a horrible sweet tooth: I love mostly fruit flavored candies like skittles and twizzlers and life savers especially.34. Favorite holiday?Christmas because winter :p35. Favorite season?WINTER I AM A FURNACE36. Cat or dog person?I love dogs so much they are my life's goal. I've always had one until I moved away.I used to be meh about cats, neither liked nor disliked them, but now I'm appreciating them and their personalities which are so much different from what I'm used to with dogs. They're beautiful and elegant and dumb and adorable creatures all at once. I still don't think I want one though but when a cat lets me pet them I feel Blessed™37. Are you quiet or loud?I'm quiet if I don't know you and I never shut up if I do38. Favorite time period? (80′s, 60′s, etc.The 80s would've been great if Reagan wasn't president and AIDS never existed. The music, aesthetic, movies, and all that are some of my favorite enduring things.39. Favorite fashion fad that went away?Skinny jeans. I'm very disappointed because absurdly tight pants are my go to fashion choice40. The best dream/ worst nightmare you’ve ever had?I have weird nasty horror nightmares but the freakiest one was a weirdass realistic one.TW: Sexual assault, pedophilliaMy worst nightmare involved my old roommate that me and Nicole used to live with. An old friend's friend contacted me and asked to hang out in the dream. I agree and he's on his way over: while he's out in my living room I hear my roommates door close and I find graphic pictures showing the dude into those diaper kink things and somehow this made me certain he was gonna hurt her.I burst out of my room and try to open her door only to find he's locked it and assaulting her at that exact moment. He then mocks me through he door as I desperately try to get in and stop him.God I was so scared for her and Nicole from that point on41. Worst fear as a kid?... To be honest it was (and still is) being raped or kidnapped and molested.44. Do you flirt?With my boyfriend :p45. What’s your style?I have none I'm a giant spastic nerd 46. Do you blush?Not often anymore but I get bashful when flirting with Act or when he gives me an unsolicited compliment. Also Nicole's mom called me and him adorable while we were being cute and me and him both blushed lol47. Do you feel everything, nothing, or you don’t know what to feel?I feel numb a lot of the time but I think I'm able to feel some things again. I still don't feel like I feel as much as I should48. Are you a crier? Do you smile?I'm not as much of a crier as I used to be but I can still break out at the slightest touch if I get in an argument or stressed.49. First love?Act.50. Last love?Still love Act :p

[burnoutbilly]

do all those asks fam

1.) Is there a boy/girl in your life?

Not anymore

2.) Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

Yes

3.) What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Cat?

4.) What’s something you really want right now?

Someone to hold

5.) Are you afraid of falling in love?

No, it’s an amazing feeling

6.) Do you like the beach?

Yes

7.) Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Ye

8.) What’s the background on your cell?

A SpongeBob meme

9.) Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Wh??

10.) Do you like your phone?

Already answered

11.) Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

Not at all

12.) Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

Idk

13.) Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Rottweiler

14.) Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Physical

15.) Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Regular museum

16.)Are you tired?

Very

17.) How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

Since birth

18.) Are they a relative?

Duh?

19.) Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Oh yeah

20.) When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

Already answered

21.) If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

I Am 16 Years Old

22.) Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I kinda want to but I doubt it would happen

23.) How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

024.) Is there a certain quote you live by?

I can’t memorize quotes, no

25.) What’s on your mind?

Too much

26.) Do you have any tattoos?

No but I might want some one day

27.) What is your favorite color?

I like red and blue because I’m basic

28.) Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

Idk whenever I get another gf probably

29.) Who are you texting?

One of my friends

30.) Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

Already answered

31.) Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Ye

32.) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

@moe-ho @frxstprincess @beanybear there’s 3

33.) Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

Highly doubt it

34.) Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

No my eyes are Ugly, like the rest of me

35.) Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

I would ask if she just wanted to rub it in

36.) Were you single on Valentines Day?

Gonna be, yeah

37.) Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

I don’t know if I want to talk to her

38.) What do your friends call you?

Dick munch

39.) Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Yes

40.) Have you ever cried over a text?

Already answered

41.) Where’s your last bruise located?

Idk

42.) What is it from?

Idk

43.) Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

Right now

44.) Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My ex

45.) Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

My socks

46.) Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

Very rarely

47.) Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

No never

48.) Do you make supper for your family?

No I can’t cook

49.) Does your bedroom have a door?

Yeah

50.) Top 3 web-pages?

Already answered

51.) Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Not really

52.) Does anything on your body hurt?

My head, my stomach, and my eyes

53.) Are goodbyes hard for you?

Sometimes

54.) What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Some cold water

55.) How is your hair?

A Mess™

56.) What do you usually do first in the morning?

Wash my face

57.) Do you think two people can last forever?

Ye

58.) Think back to January 2007, were you single?

I was 7 nikka

59.) Green or purple grapes?

Green

60.) When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

Already answered

61.) Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Yea

62.) When will be the next time you text someone?

Idk

63.) Where will you be 5 hours from now?

In bed, sleeping

64.) What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Filming in my 1st period

65.) This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Mhm

66.) Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Same people I tagged in 32

67.) Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

Hugged one of my friends yeah

68.) What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

“My dog is cute”

69.) Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Happens a lot

70.) How many windows are open on your computer?

Already answered

71.) How many fingers do you have?

10??

72.) What is your ringtone?

Metallica playing the National Anthem at a baseball game

73.) How old will you be in 5 months?

Still 16

74.) Where is your Mum right now?

At her house

75.) Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

Because she dumped my ass lmao

76.) Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

Yeah but as a joke

77.) Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Yep

78.) Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

Like 7th grade? Yeah and she was a thot

79.) Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

I just met one yesterday, actually

80.) Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Already answered

81.) How many people have you liked in the past three months?

Just one

82.) Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

Nope

83.) Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

Probably not

84.) You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

Excuse me?

85.) If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

Duh, I don’t wanna date no druggie

86.) What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

Seeing an actually good movie

87.) Who was your last received call from?

My ex

88.) If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

Obviously

89.) What is something you wish you had more of?

Time and gf’s

90.) Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Already answered

91.) Do you sleep with your window open?

No that’s scary and also stupid

92.) Do you get along with girls?

At least 4 of my closest friends on here are girls. I like to think I do, I love girls

93.) Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

I don’t think so

94.) Does sex mean love?

Eh. Sometimes, yeah

95.) You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

Oh boy that’s really awkward lol

96.) Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

No

97.) Did you sleep alone this week?

I had my dog Ruby by my side

98.) Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

My friends!

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yeah

100.) Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

Already answered

[latitudelongitudegratitudein]

M.A.S.H at 27

M.A.S.H. 

 Mansion, Apartment, Shack and House

I don’t know any decent millennial that didn’t play MASH growing up, who wouldn’t want to predict their future on a piece of paper? In Mexico (I am a born and raised Mexican), we’d switch the apartment for a trash can because that can actually happen back home–but hey! It can happen here too, just substitute the trash can for a camping tent for two in your friendliest neighborhood, Skid Row. I remember one of the five times I’ve shit myself was when I wandered around Downtown LA in the company of me, myself and my shadow and ended up in Skid Row with 2% battery life on my phone. But, that’s a story for another day.

Back to Mexican MASH. You could end up living in a trash can, so the stakes were high as fuck. I mean we were talking about our future! Playing MASH, you find out who will you marry, the number of babies you’re gonna pop out, the kind of car you will drive, the pets you will have, and your job. Most importantly (drum roll please), the age you will be by the time you amass all those goodies. That number was everything–mine was 24. ALWAYS. I had that number engraved in my brain (finger and uterus), I was going to be happily married by 24, live in a mansion, drive a Lamborghini Diablo (yeah whatever, I was 10 years old, don’t judge me), have 7 kids, 10 dogs, be a vet/model, have the most handsome husband, and a big fucking rock on my finger to prove it. Everything by 24 because M.A.S.H said so.

Introducing Mr. and Mrs…insert record scratch. Nope that didn’t happen. I am 27 and have reached the point that the idea that I haven’t found the love of my life yet doesn’t traumatize me anymore. (I was severely traumatized, I’m talking pre-marital PTSD, as in started having panic attacks at 23 because I KNEW I had failed and would end up alone with 25 alley cats. I fucking hate cats) I wish I could time travel and tell my 20 year-old self “relax bitch” or even better, tell my 9 year old self, who is probably alive right now in some parallel universe, that MASH doesn’t mean anything. Being married at 24 doesn’t equal success and that I’d put my index finger over my luscious, prepubescent lips and tell her “hush my child”, you don’t have to worry. (If the butterfly effect is real, I may be saving her a lot of trouble).

I also remember I thinking that MASH was a commitment that I made to myself–a promise. If you know me, you know I keep all my promises. I promised I would walk down the aisle, filthy rich and happily ever after at 24. Period.

Growing up, I remember constantly thinking about being 24, I knew that in 2014 I would cross a magical threshold that would lead me straight to happiness, hand in hand with my Leonardo DiCaprio look alike husband. (That has changed too. I’m now looking for Ben Dalhaus’ doppelgänger).

In middle school and high school, I noticed my friends had superpowers, they could find boyfriends anywhere and for some reason I just didn’t. My superpower was being unboyfriendable. They were like Wonder Woman (secretly dating Superman) and I was like Catwoman doomed to remain in the shadows. (Fuck there go those cats again).

 In my mind, I thought it was because I was not pretty and there was something wrong with me (The real reason being I never gave anyone a real chance and I was to busy making out with tons of boys to prove myself I wasn’t ugly. Don’t get me wrong I did it because that was super fun too). Those days turned me into the amazing kisser that I am today.

Sidebar: It’s funny how I see pictures of me at 14 and think, “ Nope you weren’t that bad. It was just the horrors of puberty passing by and there is nothing that a hairstylist and wax strip wouldn’t have fixed”. Mind you I slicked my hair back with shit tons of gel just like Michael Corleone from the Godfather (it was a thing at my school ‘kay).

See below a picture of me at and Lorenza at 13. 

“ My glorious days as a member of the Corleone-Kahlo clan.” 

10 years later, all “grown-up” playing with fireworks. Te amo Lorenz

I eventually took matters into my own hands when my mom told me I was too young to wax my eyebrows. She’d only let me wax my uni-brow. Yep, as a proud descendant of Frida Kahlo. By taking matters in my own hands I mean freeze framing on Elisha Cuthbert while watching The Girl Next Door and copying her eyebrow shape (just a piece of advice if you are a Latina and your eyebrows are bushy as fuck don’t go copying porn star eyebrows). Really you should just imagine Bert from Sesame Street shooting for Jessica Rabbit’s eyebrows. Not good. I managed to have shaped eyebrows–squares are a shape right?

So yeah the years went and I left my days as a member of the Corleone Clan behind by high school my hair style and eyebrows recovered.

One day at 18, I felt a little better about myself and actually thought “okay maybe I can land someone”. I tried to be open to meeting someone but no one really came. It’s as if I left the bread crumbs for the guy to find me and he decided he was going no carb. I mean boys came, but not looking for something serious. I guess those were the vibes I put out, but deep down I just wanted to be asked out on a nice date, and not lured onto the dance floor for a make out sesh.

At some point I asked one of my best friends with superpowers if she thought I’d be single forever. She didn’t so but explained that nightclubs weren’t the best place to meet the kind of boys I wanted to date. That always stuck with me.

I began to understand how the clubbing scene wasn’t such an ideal place to meet someone. It’s a hub of predators ready to pounce on their prey. Let me clarify by saying that I don’t think wanting to “get some” at a club makes you a bad person (coming from the biggest predator I know), it makes you a visibly horny person. So “aha” moment–meet boys in other places.

Days as a young 20 year-old predator.  Very proud of my fake ID and my almost exposed private parts. 

Ever since then, I thought I’d meet him at a museum, frolicking at the beach, or maybe at the library (but that would mean I’d have to physically get my books instead of using The Prime). Honestly, most guys I’ve seen in public libraries either look like they just pissed their pants, are part of a gang or are serial masturbators. (Look at me judging a book by its cover…I know, I know, I’m being superficial. I’m working on my flaws). However, I do spend a lot of time at Barnes and Noble fantasizing about some guy walking up to me and striking up a conversation about the book I’m reading. Afterwards, he pins me against the bookshelves and kisses me senseless.

In all my fantasies, the guys had to HURRY THE FUCK up because I needed my ring by 24. I was held hostage by the 10 pieces of paper I saved in my third grade pencil case that read M.A.S.H.

I had another dream where a guy would show up at my door professing his love for me, but I was usually awakened by Carl asking me if I’d ordered the thin crust Hawaiian pizza from Domino’s. He is the most stable relationship I’ve had in my life and I am totally okay with that.

Enough about my fantasies and Carl (he’s mine, so don’t think about luring him to your door with an order). My point is that throughout my early 20’s I felt like the guy who ended up with me would think his luck was mediocre at best, and I that should consider myself lucky that someone would actually see some value in me. But I held on to what MASH said–that I would have my huge ass mansion and shiny things. MASH kept me distracted from focusing on myself and my non-existent self-esteem (it’s kinda sad but true). I don’t believe that anymore and I am okay with being alone because I have the privilege of my own company and newsflash I am fun as fuck.

By 27:

* I am nowhere near having a rock adorn my finger that’s okay. For the longest time I tortured myself thinking I would end up alone because there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I kept blaming myself for not being pretty enough or good enough to have a boyfriend. But, that isn't true. It took a lot of work and I changed the perception about me. Im capable of many things, there isn't anything wrong with me and I am at peace.

* The asshole depression that stole my personality and started creeping on me at 23 (aka panic attacks) is finally gone. I am not scared anymore. The panic attacks no longer seize control of my mind or my body.

* Now I see that meeting the love of your life isn’t all there is to life. Loving yourself and your life is vital to your happiness.

* I don’t get frustrated when I see all my friends getting engaged, pregnant, or married. (Not that in the past I wasn’t fucking stoked to see my friends walk down the aisle, but there were moments when I felt like “ Omg. Catwoman, you have failed, what if it’s the same story from high school played over and over again? Everyone gets married while I get drunk and make out with their younger cousins in the bathroom” Yeah it sounds amazing but after a certain age a hot mess isn’t cute anymore. There’s an expiration date for that shit). I’m getting rid of my Catwoman costume (burn baby burn).

* Turns out 27 was the magic number after all. Three years after the deadline I break a lifelong promise to my 9-year-old self and I couldn’t be freer. I can see that I am a keeper and he will come when the time is right (I believe that to be true and not just a generic line people say to sound hopeful). I used to be super bitter about it. Today, I can only work on becoming a better person.

I am actually grateful for everything I have been through because it has taught me a lot about myself and now I know I am wiser and I will choose better things for me; Including a stable relationship with a nice bro ( Sorry Carl, it’s not you, it’s me)

Funny enough the definition of Mash is:

Reducing (Something) to a uniform mass by crushing it. Thanks Wikipedia. Yeah, I got owned and crushed by it.

So yeah, I recently ripped all the M.A.S.H’s I had saved for 16 years to pieces (I save everything and no I won’t have a separate entry for compulsive hoarding).  I tore MASH a new one. And with that a new meaning came to light…

M.A.S.H. is just B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T

[witchy-mel]

Merry Christmas!

A/N: A little side story revolving around the Petey x Russell ship(i gotta come up with a ship name for it). This time it's Christmas-themed! (despite it being summer🤦‍♀️) So I hope you enjoy it!

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December. The start of Winter break and a couple days before Christmas. Peter was going back home because his mother said she missed him. Which was probably true, but it's most likely because she didn't want to be stuck with babysitting duty if he stayed at Bullworth. His cousins would always come over for the holidays, so it was his "tradition" to watch them while the adults are busy drinking and talking about their New Year's resolutions that never happened. He liked kids, but his cousins were a lot to handle on his own. Peter appeared to have his schedule all planned out. He wondered what Jimmy was doing for break. He hadn't said anything since the exchange between him and Peanut. His dart-throwing was starting to become aggressive as well. Peter decided to ask him to break the silence. "So, uh, Jim, what're you doing for Christmas break?" "I don't know. Probably find out who the hell this Johnny guy is, I guess," he answered. He threw a gray dart at the bright red circle surrounding Dr. Crabblesnitch's face. "Well, what would you have usually done?" Peter asked, attempting to start some kind of conversation. "Usually, I'd be at home celebrating Christmas with my mom and whoever my dad was for that year. If I was lucky, I'd receive two pairs of new socks instead of one. On top of that, I'd get to watch them make out under the mistletoe for nearly thirty times or more. Compared to now, this would be an improvement and that's saying something." "That...doesn't seem like much fun..." Peter stated softly. He started to feel bad for him. Jimmy glanced over at the smaller boy before hurling another dart. "Hey, what's with the long face? You don't have to feel sorry for me, dude. I'm used to it." He ruffled Peter's head. "And hey, who knows, maybe my mom might send me an ugly Christmas sweater. Or better yet, I meet Mr. Claus himself." "Really..." Peter knew he was just trying to lighten the mood, but that joke was horrible. "So, what're you doing for the break?" "I'm going back home. I leave tomorrow." "Really? What about Russell? You guys have been going pretty steady, right?" That was true, but unfortunately, Russell said he'd be staying here for break. Sadly, they can't spend their first Christmas together, but there's always next year. "Yeah...about that; he’s gonna be here while I’m back at home." "Oof. That's gotta suck. I guess no kisses under the mistletoe for you then, huh," the freckled boy said while elbowing Peter's arm. A pervy expression settling on his face. "Hey, quit that!" the now flustered boy shot back. It's not like he and Russell haven't kissed before; it was just embarrassing to talk about so openly. "Haha, I'm just messin' with ya." "Yeah, yeah I know"." They continued to joke around and throw darts for a bit longer until Jimmy left to look for Johnny. Peter set his darts in the pile Jimmy left his then went to his room before nighttime rolled around. This was the last time he was gonna have some alone time in a while, so he ought to enjoy it while he can.

It was the next day. Peter had been sitting in his room waiting for his mom. He was just waiting for Miss Danvers to call him down to the office so she could pick him up. A moment later, a click was heard from the intercom. "PETER KOWALSKI, PLEASE COME TO THE OFFICE. YOUR MOTHER IS HERE TO PICK YOU UP." The announcement then ended with another click. Time to go. He put on his sneakers, a light blue jacket, and a gray beanie with a smiley face embroidered on it. He also grabbed the white canvas bag he came to Bullworth with. He packed it with a pair of pajamas and an extra pair of shoes. He didn't need to bring much with him since he was going back home. He put the straps across his chest and headed out of the boys' dorm. When he entered the main office, his mom was sitting in a chair closest to the wall. Her long, dark brown hair was styled in a messy low-side ponytail. She was wearing a sky-blue, loose turtleneck sweater that stopped right above her midthigh with a pair of black skinny jeans and black matte flats. She was so occupied reading a school brochure that she didn't even notice him enter the room. "Hey, mom." She adverted her attention from the paper and looked directly towards the center of the room. He gave her a little wave and a shy smile. "Gummiworm!" In an instant, she sprang out of the chair and hurried towards him, her arms wide open. She grabbed hold of him and she squeezed him so tight you'd think that he could feel her heartbeat through her chest. "Oh, I've missed you soooo~ much!" "I've missed you too, mom. Can you let me go though, you're kinda squishing me." "Oops- I'm sorry, sweetie, I wouldn't want to turn my baby into a pancake as soon as I get to see his cute, wittle face again." She pinched his cheek as she talked in a way you would to a newborn. Peter was getting embarrassed by this constant coddling. Fortunately, Miss Danvers chimed in and saved him, "Well, I see you two are enjoying yourselves. Well, if that's all, I expect to see you again after the break, right Peter?"  Peter nodded his head. "Very good. Have a wonderful break, you two," She said with a polite smile. They left the office and walked down the main stairs to the car parked out by the school gates. He opened the backseat door and tossed his bag in first, him trailing after. His mom climbed into the car and started the car. "Seatbelt on?" "It's on," He reassured her, but he double-checked just in case. It's been a while since he's been in a car. "Alright, we're ready to roll. Before we go home, we're gonna go to the mall so we can find some presents for the family, 'kay?" "Okay." The closest mall was an hour and a half away, so it would be a long drive. He thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to get Russell a present. Then Peter wouldn’t feel sad for not being able to spend time with him this year. He didn’t know what though. He figured he would probably find something once they got there.

A fifteen-minute gap of popular Christmas songs playing on the radio and cars passing was interrupted by his mom asking him questions. She turned the volume down a little, so it would be easier for them to hear each other. "So, you told me you made a new friend called Jimmy. You guys hang out a lot?" "Yeah. We go to the park sometimes and he shows me how to ride his skateboard. He's pretty cool." "That sounds fun! What about Gary? You didn't really say anything about him in the letter you sent me." Peter hesitated to answer. It's not every day you get to tell your mom that your childhood friend is trying to ruin your life by trying to take over your school. "...we don't...really talk anymore..." Her eyebrows furrowed with concern as she looked at her son through the rearview mirror " Huh? Why not? Something happen?" "It's...complicated..." She glanced back in the mirror at her son sulking by the window. He looked upset, so she backed off of him a bit. "That's alright. I won't force ya." Peter continued to stare out of the window, staring at all the freshly snow-covered trees and hedges. He always liked Winter. When he was younger, he and his dad would go to their backyard and challenge each other to see who could make the most deformed snowman. After being in the snow for so long, they'd rush into the house and drink hot chocolate his mom would make. That was all before he started working at the library two towns over from their house. He would come home so late at night, Peter would already be fast asleep when his dad got home. He would really only get to see him on weekends and certain holidays. "Are there any girls you like?" Peter was so focused on the scenery outside that he was caught off guard with that out-of-the-blue question. His face became so red he practically became Rudolph 2.0. "Wha-, mom, no!" "What~? I saw some pretty cute girls there! I wouldn't mind if you brought one home to us someday." "Mom, can we not talk about this anymore?" he urged, still looking out the window, hiding his reddened face from his mother. Besides, he's already with someone, and that someone was Russell. A boy. His parents never cared about his love life, as long as he was happy with whoever he was with, but they’ve always wanted him to start a family and have kids of his own. He didn't even mention Russell in the letter he sent in response to her asking about his current school life. It’s not like he was afraid to tell her. He just thought it was too early. But Russell's mom knew. She found out when she noticed Russell would come home later than usual some days after school because they would be out on little dates. They would occasionally hang out at his house as well. Peter was the only partner, or anybody, that he has ever brought home so frequently, so it didn't take her long to catch on. She wasn't bothered by it at all, and she was super supportive. How he was going to tell his parents, though? How would they react? It's not like they needed to know right away anyways. Maybe Summer break would be a decent time to tell them. "Alright, I'll stop messing with ya. I know I'm probably acting like a cop the way I'm interrogating you like this." She quietly laughed to herself while she dialed the radio back up to the Christmas songs that played earlier. Peter yearned for this car ride to be over ASAP.

They eventually pull into the large mall parking lot. It was jam-packed due to last-minute Christmas shoppers. There were so many rows and rows of cars lined up it looked like a multicolored forest made of metal. They'd be lucky to even remember where they parked their car, let alone find a parking spot. After a long search, they finally found a parking spot, but it was farthest from the entrance. He knew how his mom got whenever she went shopping, especially holiday shopping. When he was younger, he would wonder where she'd get the money to buy all that stuff, and he still does now. Just thinking about carrying all those bags back to the car made his arms feel like jelly. She parked in the spot and turned off the car. They unbuckled their seatbelts and hopped out. She pushed a button on her keys that locked all the doors and they began to walk to the entrance. Upon entering the mall, Peter was amazed by what he saw. Bright Christmas lights were dangling from the second-floor rails. Candy canes and ornaments made of shiny tinsel were randomly located throughout the mall. A strong scent of gingerbread was also floating in the air. But the icing on the cake was the giant, rotating, decorated Christmas tree that stood directly in the middle of the mall. It hasn't been that long since Peter had been to the mall, but he never went when it was during the holiday season. His mom has always done the gift shopping beforehand while he stayed home with his dad. It was kind of weird experiencing all of this for the first time. "Alright, so here's the plan," his mom started, snapping Peter out of his state of awe. "I'm gonna give you $40 to spend on anything you want for a present. It can be for a friend, yourself, anything. Since you haven't been around us as much this year, I gave you a pass." She dug into her purse and pulled out her pink sparkly wallet. She took out two $20 bills and handed them to him. "Spend it wisely because that's all you get, kay?" Peter nodded his head. "Good. Meet me back at the food court when you're all done, alright." She lowered herself and kissed him on the cheek, then walked off. $40. That's all he was given to spend on a present. He already knew who he was going to spend it on but didn't know what. Standing here all day wasn't going to solve anything. Maybe he'll find something if he walks around a bit. He shoved the money into his pocket and started his hunt for the perfect gift.

It'd been a couple minutes, and Peter hadn't found anything yet. 'This might take longer than I imagined...' he thought. He wished to find something and quick. It was as if a genie heard his thoughts because, at that moment, he came across a craft store. Peter idly stood in front of the store entrance, wondering what he could possibly use from here. Then it came to him. Heading into the store, he searched for what he was going to need. The first section he went to was 'Simple Crafts' where he grabbed pink and white felt, crazy glue, and some golden tinsel. He needed some thread for the felt, so he headed to the 'Sewing' section. There he grabbed a spool of white and pink thread, needles, and a pack of colorful heart-shaped buttons. He got everything he needed. If not, he could just look in his basement for supplies. All that was left was to check out. Up at the register, he placed all his items on the counter. A middle-aged lady with short salt and pepper hair was working the counter. "Will that be all, sweetheart?" she asked kindly. "Mhmm," Peter answered back. "Alright, that's gonna be $12.15." She rang him up and put all his belongings in a bright, red plastic bag with the store's logo printed on it. He handed her the money, and she put it into the cash register, "Here ya go," she said as she handed him the bag, "Enjoy your holiday!" "You too!" Peter said as he rushed out of the store, quick to get the final item. Reaching the top of the escalator, he stepped off and began looking for a men's casual clothing store. He didn't see any on the first floor because there were a lot of clothing stores for women and item-based shops. There were some shoe stores, suit shops, and sportswear stores on the second floor. Not anything he was looking for. After a tedious search for a regular clothing store, he eventually came across a casual apparel store for men. This was probably his best and the only option, so he walked inside. The first thing he did was scan through all of the tops. No sweaters here. "Maybe they're by the jackets," Peter said to himself. Jackets and coats were on another side of the store, so he walked over to where they were hung. To no surprise, there they were. That was the first check off his list. Now all he had to do was find one in green. No luck on the first rack, the second one either. Fortunately, the third rack had some. Another check off his list. Now he just had to find the right size. He remembered that Russell wore an XL. He only knew that because they were on a date one day, and they got caught in the rain. Russell took off his shirt and draped it over Peter to keep him dry since he was wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt. Thinking about that made him blush a little because Russell was getting completely soaked and he couldn’t stop looking at Russell as water dripped off of him. They had fun drying each other off back at his house though. Peter shook his head to regain focus on what he was doing. He skimmed through a few of the sizes before he came across the right one. Before unhooking it from the rack, he checked the price tag. He had a bunch of cash left since the art supplies were pretty cheap, but he didn't want this sweater to go over his budget. He flipped the tag and looked at the price. Only $20. Perfect. Right on budget. He traveled to the checkout counter, purchased it, and left the store. He now had everything that he needed. 

Now he just had to head back to the food court and wait for his mom. He didn't know where it was at, though. Coincidentally, there was a map of the mall a bit farther down from where he was standing. The blue dot on the screen indicated where he was now. The food court was on the second floor, so he didn't have to walk too far. All he had to do was go straight from here, and he'd be there in no time. He must've got there before her because she was nowhere to be found. There wasn't a big crowd, so if she was here, he would've spotted her almost immediately. She was probably still shopping. He then heard a weird gurgling noise. It was his stomach. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't eaten anything all day. Might as well get something before his stomach eats at itself. Peter used the remainder of his money to buy himself a slice of pepperoni pizza. He found a seat, placed his bags next to him, and ate while he waited for his mom to show up. Five minutes passed as Peter watched the corner, waiting for her to pop up. His wait was shortly over because she finally arrived. And she was holding some bags. A lot of bags. Too many bags. She looked around for a second before she spotted him. "Oh, there you are!" She began to approach him, and with every step, he could just feel his arms began to give out. "Looks like you beat me here, huh?" she inquired as she set her bags next to his. "Yeah. I didn't know how long it was gonna be before you showed up, so I got lunch." "Oh, that's right. You didn't eat anything this morning, did you? I knew we should've picked something up before we got here." "It's fine, mom. All that walking made me hungry. I was fine earlier." She rested her cheek on her palm and gave him a worried pout, but soon replaced it with a soft, closed-lip smile and pet his head, flattening his beanie. "Well, if you say so, Gummiworm. Well, It's time to go, so grab a couple of bags to help carry to the car." Peter carried six bags, three for each arm, including his two bags. His mom took six as well. They pushed open the doors and were hit with the cool winter air. It was lightly snowing as well, and as they walked, snowflakes landed in and on the bags. Some, melting instantly and others coating the items in a fine layer of frosty powder. His mom pressed some buttons on her key that unlocked the trunk and the doors. They stored the bags into the semi-full trunk of wrapping paper and boxes and hopped into the car. Their house was a 20-minute drive from the mall, so it wouldn't take them long to get home.

At last, they were finally at home. His mom backed into the driveway and parked the car. Unlocking the trunk again, they grabbed the bags, wrapping paper, and boxes and carried them to the door. Fishing the key out of her back pocket, she unlocked the door and turned the knob. "Honey, we're back!" she called out to the person in the house. They walked in and placed all the items on the living room carpet and couches. A moment later, there was a sound of footsteps coming down the wood stairs. "I see you guys went shopping today." said the familiar voice. Peter knew that voice. "Dad?" Peter questioned, looking up from the bags. "Hey, Kowboy!" Peter ran to him, soon binding him in a tight hug. "I've missed ya, bud" "I did too." After a hug that seemed to go on forever, he freed him from his grasp. "You still haven't changed since yet?" His mom complained as she grabbed his mix-matched pajamas. "I don't see why I have to. The only people who are going to see me are you guys and the rest of the family," he stated. "Jeremy," her tone now more serious. "Alright, I'll go change. But I'm only changing the shirt." "That's fine," she said and she pecked him on the cheek. He hiked up the stairs to their bedroom to find a presentable shirt to wear. "Peter, honey, could you help me wrap these presents? I wanna get this done before the rest of the family get here." she requested. "Sure." He hung up his jacket and kicked off his shoes, then walked to the couches. Peter already separated his bags from the others so his mom wouldn't accidentally wrap his stuff. They wrapped the various gifts one by one. Cutting and taping the assorted wrapping paper around cardboard boxes. Labeling who they're for and from. They finished in an hour. "That appears to be all the presen-" she paused when she saw Peter's bags still on the couch. "Must've skipped over these." She reached to grab them but was interrupted when Peter snagged them away. "Ah- ma, you can’t wrap these," he explained. She raised an eyebrow, "And why not? You hidin' something from me?" she teased. "Uh- no. It's just I have to make it first; that's all." "Oh alright, hon. I still got more stuff to do, but I'll make your dad help me. You can go on upstairs and make your gift." Peter grabbed a box and a ribbon then walked up to his bedroom.

He turned the knob and opened the door. The room looked the same as the day he left. His bed was still neatly made. His figurines and trinkets on his desk were where he left them. He plopped down on his bed, dumped out all of the craft supplies, and took out the sweater. He spread it out across his bed and tore open all the supplies, separating them into individual piles. Grabbing a Sharpie and a pair of scissors off his desk, he outlined the letter "P" in the pink felt and the letter "R" in the white then carefully cut them out. He set them in the middle of the sweater. Next up, tinsel. There was so much of it, but he managed to form it into a heart. He snipped off the excess and put it away. He took a red, medium-sized heart button and placed it right between the P and the R that made a message that reads "P heart R," which meant "Peter loves Russell." Lastly, he picked out a handful of tinier buttons and randomly distributed them on the green, wooly fabric. Now that he had his design planned out, all he had to do was make it stay there permanently. First, he super glued the tinsel, careful not to get any on his fingers or anywhere else on the sweater. Then he took out the white and pink spools of thread and the needles and threaded them. Peter was pretty skilled at sewing. Whenever he went to his aunt's, she would teach him how to sew. Sometimes he would fix a button or sew a hole close on an old pair of jeans or shirt. He even took a sewing class in the summer. He started with the tricky part, which was the letters, and the buttons last since all he had to do was crisscross the thread in the holes. After he was finished, he held up the sweater and admired his work. Picturing Russell wearing it made him smile so wide that it stretched ear to ear. Peter folded it up and neatly placed it into the purple box, then closed it. He took the green ribbon and tied it into a neat bow. He carried the to his desk, then walked downstairs to the kitchen. His parents were busy putting the presents under the tree and hanging up some extra ornaments. "You finished your present?" his mom asked while she tiptoed to hang a sparkly red and gray ornament on one of the tree branches. "Yeah. I just need to get it to them before Christmas." "Okay, I'll take you tomorrow. Where do they live?" "Old Bullworth Vale, back by the school." "I'll take you at some time around 10, so be ready by then, alright." "Alright," Peter responded. Not even a second later, there was a ring from the doorbell.

"That must be them. I'll get it." His mom skipped over the presents and rushed to the door. When she opened the door, she was greeted by his aunt and twin cousins. "Lily!" his aunt squealed. "Amber!" his mom squealed back. They hugged each other as if they hadn't seen one another in ages. "It's great to see you again. Where's Daryll?" "Oh, he's getting the bags out of the car. He'll be here in a bit." "Why don't you guys come inside then. It's freezing out there." They stepped inside and hung up their jackets and scarves. His cousins noticed him first. "Pepper!" [A/N: They call him "Pepper" because they're both like 4, and they can't really pronounce "Peter" or "Petey". i'm not gonna nickname him "PeePee" lol(i was low-key tempted to tho👀). even tho that would be more appropriate for their age. also, a little fun fact: they're actually twins] They both raced up to him and clutched onto his legs, almost causing him to lose his balance. "W-Woah! Hey guys." His aunt noticed him next due to the noise they made, "Polar bear!" She walked over and hugged him while planting a kiss on his cheek, leaving a red lipstick stain. "You've grown so much! The last time I've seen you, you were this small." She raised her hand to her midthigh to symbolize his past height. He wondered if it had actually been that long since he had last seen her. "What, am I invisible now?" his dad's voice piped up. "Oh-I didn't even notice you, Jeremy. You were hidden by the tree." "Well, now I know I'd win a game of hide-'n-seek." Eventually, his uncle paraded in, multiple bags in hand. "Need a little help here." "Ay, Daryll! Hang on, I'll help ya." His dad walked from behind the tree and rushed to help with the extra luggage. The adults separated and left Peter alone with his cousins. His mom and aunt were in the kitchen and his dad and uncle downstairs in the guest room. The chaos had now started. His first day home consisted of him playing a long game of tag with his cousins with him being 'it' the whole time. Making sure they didn't get hurt or into any trouble. This went on until the sun went down, and the little ones got tired of hearing their own footsteps. He called his aunt upstairs to collect them, for as they were growing sleepy, and she took them to get ready for bed. Peter was so tuckered out that as soon as his head hit the pillow, he blacked out. He didn't even get to change out of his clothes.

It had to be a quarter before 10 when Peter was rudely interrupted from his sleep by his cousins jumping around him on his bed. "Pepper! Pepper! Wake up!" the two shouted. He gradually raised his head off the pillows. His eyes still practically closed. His cousins climbed off the bed giggling and ran towards his mom, who was standing at the door. "They woke up early today, so they helped me wake you up." Peter responded with a short grunt as if to say, 'Oh.' "It's almost 10:00, so you should start getting ready. I'll be downstairs." she instructed. She picked up one of his cousins and went downstairs. Peter moved his legs off the bed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He got up, walked into the hallway, and grabbed a pale-yellow towel out of the linen closet. Walking into the bathroom, he turned the faucet and waited for the water to warm up. When the water was at the right temperature, he removed his clothes and hopped in the shower. After, he brushed his teeth and washed his face. He collected his clothes off the tiled floor and walked back to his room, shutting the door behind him. The twins had him so tired out last night that he wasn't even able to pick out an outfit beforehand. He decided he would go for a simple look today. Peter opened his closet and took a look at his wardrobe. He grabbed a white dress shirt, a navy blue sweater with a gold stripe near the collar, and a pair of beige dress pants. He finished the look with a pair of long white socks and black and white canvas sneakers. After getting dressed, he grabbed Russell's present off the desk and stuffed it under his arm. He left his room and walked downstairs. His mom was waiting in the living room reading a fashion magazine, his aunt busy in the kitchen feeding the kids breakfast. His dad and uncle, surprisingly, weren't here. "Hey, mom, I'm ready," he called out. "Alrighty!" She closed the magazine and laid it on the coffee table beside her.  She got up from the couch, and they both went to grab their coats from the rack by the door. His mom reached for the doorknob to leave, but as if on cue, they were immediately stopped by his aunt. "Ah- before you guys go, Polar bear, I have something to give you." She walked to the guest room to retrieve whatever it was she had. She came back a few seconds later, holding a pair of brown mittens with white snowflakes decorated on them. "Here! Consider it an early Christmas present~." She said as she handed them to him. "Oh, thanks," Peter replied, slipping them onto each hand. His mom opened the door, and they headed out to the car.

It took 2 hours to reach Bullworth because of a traffic jam caused by the snow. The whole time, Peter was sitting in the backseat eagerly waiting to arrive at Russell’s house. "Okay, we're back in Bullworth. I'm gonna need some directions from here on." his mom informed. Peter told her which way to go until they ended up in front of Russell's house. "-and stop riiiight here." "This house?" "Yep." She parked the car and he hopped out. He excitedly walked to the front door, imagining Russell’s reaction to Peter’s surprise visit, and rung the doorbell, quickly hiding the present behind his back. *DING-DONG* The sound of the bell softly echoed. There was a long pause of stillness that made Peter progressively grow more and more impatient. Suddenly the door swung open, and Russell stood in the doorway to greet him. He was wearing a white t-shirt and red plaid pajama pants. He was probably sleeping a while ago. When Russell saw him standing in front of him, his eyes widened with confusion. "Petey? What are you doing here?" he asked as he scratched his head. "I thought you go home." "I did, and I still am, but I just wanted to give you something since I won’t be able to on Christmas day." Russell slightly tilted his head as Peter unhid the box from behind him. Holding it in both hands, he held the box out in front of him. "Merry Christmas~!"

[myvelouri]

So we had a day together

We went to Applebee's and got a buzz, then to the bar I wanted to go to and got buzzed even more. She gets horny as fuck when drunk even tho she told me she doesn't want to have sex ever again cause she's religious, yet now she keeps saying she wants to fuck when we're in the moment

So we got hungry and went to cracker barrel. I never been. I was having fun. I left my tab open at the bar too cause we were coming back after eating. Kae came in looking gorgeous as fuck, the same waitress that used to hate me but is now chill with me. I was amazed by her amazing body, log hair, ripped black skinny jeans, her shirt boxy crop toppy shirt and her beautiful face. She was being silly and funny with everyone else but I said hey to her.

That's like the only thing I did that was kinda messed up?

I just really like Kae.

So anyway we went to cracker barrel, me and my girl. And she was getting texts and blown up and I was like what? She read a text out loud is why. Cause the guy from last night was like "so when are we going drinking?" And I near went into anxiety and stress mode. Kinda shut off. And she told him she on a date. I hated hearing that. And she said she doesn't have feelings for him and I said yeah you do.. (the text from last night showed she does) and I said "wait I thought you said you don't go out alone with guys... You said you bring your boyfriend along or you don't go at all" (and this comforted me a lot, and then she's basically loopholed it by now saying "well... It depends on the guy..." And I said "...um..." And I was really bothered and felt lied to. She said she met him up before when her other bf couldn't make it. Yeah I trust her less now. Especially DRINKING? ALONE? WITH A GUY? AND SHE GETS INSATIABLY HORNY WHEN BUZZED? yeahhhhh RIIIIIGHT. I don't trust it at all. Cause I've been that guyfriend when she had a boyfriend, she was all over me and it was messed up but since I didn't care and I was a friend/side hoe it meant nothing to me.

I got so much anxiety and I just. We talked and she wanted to know and after a few upsets and shit and her saying how much she really likes me, I said "I don't think I'm good for you." And that made her shocked, and it made her upset and said never say that to her again. I'm sorry but it's true

And you know what she did at the table we were at? She thought something but didn't say it. And this was before all this talking. She said "okay so... I think our waiter is really cute" and I'm saying to myself why the FUCK are you checking out other guys and TELLING me that especially when you've told me you don't ever want me to say when I think a girl is hot. WTF

And okay before we got there she already hurt my feelings by saying something I brought up. That when I have sex with girls their vagina basically opens up the more they get turned on. I realized hers stayed the same. And I'm like "WAIT I DIDN'T TURN YOU ON?" and she looked away and said "UHHH NEVERMIND" and it was clear she didn't enjoy sex with me. Even tho she almost came. But it wasn't good. She keeps making me feel bad about myself. She's very blunt

So yeah after all the above I just told her I don't think I'm good for you.

I said let's stop talking, eat and I need another beer at the bar. We got back. And then we ended up at the hotel after playing darts

She did look very pretty. We had sex and it was better. Neither of us came. She wanted doggy style and when she turned around I kinda lost my erection cause there was a lil bit of brown on her butthole and I know what that is... I didn't say anything... But it just.. ahh man. It killed the mood for me completely

I lost my erection but the condom was also really tight. Cause she sucked my dick and it looked great, got me hard. As soon as I put on the condom it choked out my dick. And she was like wtf it like shrunk half in size. I was like yeah I know dude. Condom was too tight even for my lil ass dick

She then decided she just wanted to swallow my cum and has never swallowed. She finally told me something. She said she actually does take it in her mouth, cum, yeah has, she's taken cum in her mouth even though she said she would never do that and hasn't. She said only difference is that she spits it out. Well she swallowed all of mine. It felt great but. She uh. She said it was not as much cum as she expected. Her ex or whoever had way more cum and she likes that. Yeah suddenly she loves cum even tho she said she hated it before. Idk I feel like she's always changing up her stories. But anyway I felt bad. I can cum more than that but I just didn't this time.

Then after we finished we looked at our bodies in the mirror. And I said something like do I have a good body? And she stared at me and didn't want to say anything and she did that thing where it's obvious her answer is bad. Right, she said she would look so good if she worked out. I said I do work out and my body looks like this. And she blank stared at me. She thinks I can look better. I have loose skin from being overweight. Thanks for making me feel like shit when I look better than I have in a while. Just. Wow.

She then said "nah your body, it's, I mean it's better than most" but idk if I can believe that

She's really gung-ho about me though and kept saying she really really likes me and it's kind of insane. I can tell she does. It's me who has problems with her though. Plus I'm just apparently ugly, small dick, shitty sex, not rough enough, ugly body, whatever

She said she hates kissing but loves kissin me. She thinks I'm an amazing kisser and she said she's made out with A LOT of guys... So I'm just

I feel even more insecure. If she read all this she'd be hurt cause she hurts bad when she hurts me. Yeah that's how much she likes me and wants to protect me... But then she says all these things and is unaware of how they hurt me. It's not wrong of her to want a perfect guy, or other guys she checks out. Just leave me. Let me go. I want to end my life anyway. I don't want to be here.

Kae was so pretty though. I wish I was like the male version of her in terms of beauty and attractiveness. She has such a nice body and a gorgeous booty even though she's skinny lean.

My girl is pretty too. I tried to not make her feel bad. But she kept making me feel bad. I still held in everything. She comforted me when I said I felt like I need a cig cause Kae stressed me out. I feel bad when I see Kae cause I had such a crush on her and still kinda do.

Nothing matters

I'm not good

There was more but I can't remember right now

I wish I took pictures of us and everything today, Kae, my girl, the date, sex, us cuddling, us bathing. Would have but she hurt me bad with the whole guyfriends thing and checking out other guys as well as being hypocritical and then making me feel like I am ugly, have a crappy dick and that I don't turn her on. She said my dick felt better this time though. She almost came again but. I'm clearly not good enough

I can't believe she swallowed me... But I can't believe anything she says so... I just don't know.