#these all affected me psychologically

[l0ve-sicc]

[vaguely-concerned]

Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

[bitchy-peachy]

I really wish that antis stopped using real life sa victims in their shit especially since they tell real life sa victims that we deserved our assaults cos we all handle our trauma differently.

[minorfamilysupremacy]

disabled vegas is the most important vegas to me.

[netscapenavigaytor]

bwaah. i'm really missing the sonic the hedgehog series (<- still there and never went anywhere), which is to say im actually missing how it and its fancontent made me feel when i was 7. i need to do more stupid brainless badass shit with my fandomless ocs or god help me

[my-current-obsession]

My hyper-specific type when it comes to otome guys:

- Absolutely pathetic - Cannot speak to a girl normally to save his life - Tries to be calm/aloof, but turns tsundere when flustered enough - A good and pure man at heart, yet does some questionable things - ...Little Red Riding Hood???

[cosmik-homo]

Honestly i really do know im being annoying with this but the logistics of swapping out Avon and Raistlin and watching what theh do is the greatest form of Playing With Dolls I've ever ever had. Its a serotonin treadmill. You've heard of watching a brilliant, dark tortured genius asshole slowly create his own downfall what about landing in the middle of such a slipperyslope and starting to turn it into an entirely different one. AND THERE'S PVP ALLOWED, one of my main options rn is Avon-as-Raistlin starts planning how to re-open the connection and either undo this or pass some more things between the worlds- and Raistlin-as-Avon is like FINDERS KEEPERS BITCH. Paying It (The Lichdom Curse) Forewards, im staying in your life and im winning at it, fuck off. And Avon's like, ex-fucking-scuse me?

[clawsextended]

You said anything so :3c [ META ] + Lucille! For fun

dropping this under a read more because we’re intense as fuck out here.

oh god it’s so fucking complicated. because it’s love. like eternal love. like unconditional love. but she’s older now, and the cracks have become fissures, and she can’t help but see the little girl she was whenever she looks at lucille. and it leaves a horrid, horrid lump in her throat. the little girl she used to be. the little girl who died only a tiny bit older than lucille is when she meets her. it’s seeing that that makes her so ferociously, violently protective, a different kind than holly. her protective nature of luci is feral, leaves no room for panic or hysteria. it’s efficient and violent and maintains no sanity because every time she looks at lucille she remembers a little girl without a holly, a scared child who also couldn’t connect — who didn’t turn quiet or complacent, but bit and scratched and then became who she is now…. the same grownup who bites and claws and scratches.

her ability to handle things and remain calm or blank worries selina because that’s the reflection of her own face. over and over. she looks at luci and sees the memory of a little girl no kate or selina ever saved, the memory of a little girl who no one loved and grew up to be the woman who no one knew how to love. she sees the glass wall she has to look through in every interaction — and it’s not her, not genuinely. it’s like her mind is a haunted house and the ghosts come out sometimes to haunt her into silence, lock her into a seance of her own ugliest moments. and she watches them, watches lucille implore with that enormous gaze and again the attic creaks and she remembers that look on her face.

it’s strange, and it’s cathartic, and it’s triggering, and it’s healing, and it’s suffocating. she has every feeling talking to a child so intimately close to her own immense abuse. she sees that face reflected on her own and she’s looking into nothing, catatonic, and everything, euphoric.

but the light it affords is insane. lucille’s every accomplishment is warmly her own. she takes it in her heart with no selfishness but pure joy. every time she feels more comfortable or tries something new, selina’s in tears and hugging her about it. because it’s like watching a part of herself heal that no one had ever loved. maybe if lucille is lovable, maybe she might’ve been, too, even if she doesn’t know. maybe maybe maybe there’s a happiness to her every success, her every failure, because once selina had no one and nothing. once, she was empty.

and no, she’s not full, now. but if lucille can be better, can love, can be holly’s sister wholly and purely and actually and really, maybe she can be better, too. maybe the broken feeling does mend. maybe she won’t always be hopeless, helpless, angry.

there’s an utterly honest sense to them both. lucille has seen the worst of the worst at an age too young, was subjected to horrors herself — and selina, on a domestic level, was subjected to adjacent considerations. maybe they weren’t vivisections, weren’t drastic halogen lights and the burn of a white-hot scalpel, but they were the dark and constant fear of a shadowed room and a locked door, waiting for the next punishment. they were the waiting for her father to grab her by the neck and drag her to the kitchen to demand she make him breakfast, knowing it would come. it’s the kindred understanding that she and lucille have known too much to be mutually ‘acceptable’ for either of their ages. as a young child, luci knows terror. and so, selina doesn’t pull punches. she talks to her about things that would horrify most people… but what’s the alternative? allowing the kid to grow up until she’s ’the right age’ to discuss things? no, selina won’t let this child grow up like she did. locked deep inside her own head and now feeling like she can’t get out. she won’t allow that to fester.

lucille receives not just selina’s love, but selina’s intense patience. she doesn’t hurry things or statements, she listens and interprets. when lucille can’t speak, she’ll sign, and she’ll try to do the same for herself when she’s overstimulated, just to be a good example. she quickly adapts to her needs… well, the way any mother would.

she loves her with all her heart. and she displays it constantly as vividly as she can the same as she does with all her children. they’re sacred to her, not because they’re her legacy, but because they’re her love.

[milkolya]

i just had a gender followup too hkskgkdk "so how has the first month on T been?" well miss doctor its been Not Great. its been Exceptionally Bad actually. yall shouldve seen how wide her eyes got as i ran through my List of Things That Have Happened

[warriorprincesstramp]

i thought I put the whole I'm fundamentally a bad person behind me to be honest I've always thought of myself as decently morally upright I was just wrong which is different. I'm like et or whatever I don't get human norms and I'm a bit of a peculiar little freak but I mean no harm... that shame is sooooo different from the shame of feeling like a bad person. and I have thought of myself as bad for specific actions on certain occasions but not like this. I don't like to think that my very mannerisms and tone and expressions are like. inherently mean and bad. but now I feel the alien from alien. or nathan lane's sewer boys. basically I need to be put down.

[binnie]

venting real quick

[fagmegumi]

Conversion therapy? In MY emdr with a clueless cis woman ? Its more likely than you think

[one-winged-dreams]

Wakes up in the middle of the night absolutely fucked up on three different sleep aids to rant about how people can not fucking put together the Final Fantasy VII + spinoffs lore and EVEN STILL try to vomit these useless opinions and what x character is the WORST and why y character is blah blah blah

ENOOOOOUGH

putting these supersoldiers on top of the fridge until y'all learn what a narrative is

[brandwhorestarscream]

In a dramatic twist of fate I think I write more about Megatron than Starscream

[tentacletournament]

This is very off topic but- i thought you would appreciate the fact that i'm going to write about the classic to geno to error timeline in my philosophy essay.

IM SCREAMING THEIR TIMELINE IS MY EVERYTHING I HAVE BEEN OBSESSED FOREVER AND EVER IF YOU DONT GET FULL MARKS ILL DIE

[sorrowfulwill]

trying to make a balance between horror and comedy is hard especially artstyle-wise Atleast for me.

Like do I give it my cartoony artstyle or give it my junji ito inspired art style. Should I balance that too? How would I? HELP ME IM GOING CRAZY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT