#the concept of not only the affects of trauma and isolation but also the changing of situation and environment having that big of an impac

[tentacletournament]

This is very off topic but- i thought you would appreciate the fact that i'm going to write about the classic to geno to error timeline in my philosophy essay.

IM SCREAMING THEIR TIMELINE IS MY EVERYTHING I HAVE BEEN OBSESSED FOREVER AND EVER IF YOU DONT GET FULL MARKS ILL DIE

[techramonic]

Anger is Humanity: An Analysis on Andre Kriegman

Disclaimer: This analysis is limited only to commentary and analysis as a means to reflect and understand the characters and the internal and external factors that affect their decisions and actions, this is true rationality. Just like all of my posts, I am detached from the media I write about and solely focus on the characters to understand their backgrounds and psychology, for others to gain insight. There is no room for me to romanticize anything I write because I am only here to explain in my understanding. Thank you.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

There are five stages of grief—yet some find themselves perpetually stuck and fixated on the second. It is a never-ending loop due to the fear of experiencing discomfort once the light is found; it is the fear of change, the bargaining of reality, the depression in the recurrence, and the acceptance that misfortune runs in your veins. One is not born with misfortune but rather handed with it.

THE SUPEREGO. A concept based on the Freudian principles of psychoanalysis, which generally develops through the internalization of values and norms given by primary groups (family and society). If members of these groups are either overly strict and abusive or lacking guidance, poor superego is molded. The superego controls the id's basic desires by using the ego, relying on internalized moral ideals. If the superego is underdeveloped, then there is an impairment in moral reasoning and the ability to distinguish what is morally just and unjust.  Furthermore, factors such as abusive environments also play a role in hindering normal superego development. Negative consequences are also brought by exposure to violence or alienation.

With this, we view Andre Kriegman in a new light. 

His behavior might be the result of an imbalance where his id's destructive desires aren't properly controlled by a strong superego. Freud has also noted various defense mechanisms the ego uses to handle conflicts between the id, superego, and external reality. If Andre's superego isn't functioning well, he might depend on unhealthy defense mechanisms like projection and blaming others for his indecent thoughts or rationalization by justifying his harmful behavior with logical reasoning.

Anger does not come from evil, but it comes from the mistreatment you receive.

It is the pain inflicted on you, the misfortune that leads you to believe that there is no possibility of ever finding the room to grow and move on. The reason why Andre is so fixated on hatred and anger is that it is a defense mechanism born out of the tragic reality that he has been and is hurt. It is the trauma response that begs to cling on you because you fear that in change, more misfortune will arise.

Anger—that is Andre Kriegman. In a world where you have constantly been alienated, you feel less human. You are not perceived, therefore, you do not exist. You are stripped away from whatever humanity you have, because to be a human, you must exist. You are a mere entity, an omnipresent being that is everywhere yet nowhere, all at once. Forced to watch a crowd interact, fearing and knowing you are so easy to be disregarded. You try to imitate them when interacting to be deemed more human, yet alas, all subside suddenly when you are deemed as a deviant. You are isolated, believed to be nothing, and therefore, gone. 

Anger sprouts from injustice. This is the rationality in anger—even how disproportionate it feels, like how Andre feels his anger. It is rooted in the lack of good treatment. The hate you feel is disproportionate as if your body begs to regurgitate all the hate you have and project it to anyone else—your family, your peers, and even yourself. You have this strong want to let others feel the pain you feel and bear, simply because this is the part of you that yearns and begs to be seen. To be understood, to be empathized with, to feel human, to be human.

To be treated as you should've been treated—well.

Anger is human. It is a part of humanity itself. Yet, as true as it can be, you can never heal with the same thing that caused it. Pain does not heal pain and anger does not heal anger, that is reality.

Andre Kriegman is anger, he is a reflection of humanity itself and the humanity he was shown. Humanity is anger.

[yanderes-galore]

Gotta ask for that Kratos from God Of War concept with whatever intention you want 👌

While researching him only one thing came to mind... this man has been through a lot.

Here's my general thoughts of him as a yandere!

Potential spoilers for all/most God of War games except Ragnarok.

Yandere! Kratos Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Trauma, Fear of loss, Overprotective behavior, Manipulation, Isolation, Possessive behavior, Murder, Violence, Blood, Dubious/Forced relationship.

Out of all the yanderes I've written, Kratos is probably up there for being one of the strongest/scariest.

This man has gone through so much and it's only built him up to who he is.

He's gone from mortal man who was forced by Aries to kill his family, to a God of War with undying rage even when he's settled down.

He has killed Gods, Deities, Titans, Beasts... he even can't seem to be killed.

Honestly, Kratos falls into the same category as the Doom Slayer (DOOM) and Master Chief (HALO) when it comes to you.

That being this strong as hell man who has been brutal with his enemies is so soft towards this one weaker person.

Kratos is a being of rage constantly tormented by the Gods around him.

He has lost many close to him.

His wife and child, his mother, his brother, his people, Athena, his second wife...

It just goes on and on.

Safe to say by the time he finds you he is prioritizing you.

Kratos can act as an overprotective guardian or father figure when platonic.

When he's romantic he can be possessive, protective, yet caring.

What doesn't change is his brutality towards those that threaten the bond he has with you.

He'd definitely be calmer around God of War 2018 yet still keep his fierceness from before.

This is the same man/God who killed pretty much almost the entire Greek pantheon.

He'd not be one to tolerate a threat to his new loved ones.

Safe to say no threat is able to come close to you due to how fast Kratos slaughters them.

This also makes Kratos near impossible to leave.

Kratos tries his best to show he cares for you as he's lost so many dear to him in the past.

Which may even mean he has a fear of loss.

The mere idea of losing you sends him into a panicked state.

Sometimes he acts cold and distant due to his past.

But the moment he realizes he could lose you sends him to bombard you in attention.

Kratos would not trust many with you, if anyone.

He has betrayed too many times by Gods in the past.

As a result he feels he can only trust himself to handle you.

If this is 2018 God of War then he trusts his son with you and you with his son.

That's all though.

Your life with Kratos is rather isolated.

I imagine Kratos fears you'll leave his side so he tries to bring himself to be overly affectionate.

The most he does is usually verbal affection.

Although there's times he'll scoop you into his arms to hold you.

Your warmth feels soothing on his broken mind and tired body.

The idea of another person or God trying to win you over is a funny thought.

Kratos isn't phased by blood of gore.

Someone can be talking to you... then all of a sudden the God of War is standing behind you.

After he manages to tear you away from the other person, he brings you into isolation again.

Perhaps even with some possessive kissing to erase the thought of that other person from your mind.

Then afterwards... well... that other being will be gone.

However, after seeing you look at his bloody body in fear, he tries to keep it out of sight from you.

Just because he tries to hide it does not mean he doesn't kill for you.

While in 2018 he tries to be calmer, he still finds himself overcome with rage at times.

He'd never harm you as you're mortal though.

He has a past with accidental family murder.

Despite this... Kratos does love family.

He may be a being of rage yet he'd do anything for those he loves.

Be it near impossible tasks or near death experiences... he'd probably go anywhere if it meant he had you.

By the 2018 game he cares about you and his son.

After the death of his second wife he feels you take the secondary parent role to his son.

So while he is a being of war and violence, Kratos is incredibly caring towards the one he loves.

He may not be the most passionate with affection but he is passionate in his actions.

All the bloodshed he creates?

He creates it in the name of you.

The beings he slays, the actions he takes, he learns to dedicate it to the love he feels for you.

If Kratos still has you as his darling in the 2018 era, or even meets you during this time, Kratos wishes to live with you and his son in Midgard.

If you tried to leave he'll simply drag you back into isolation with him.

Even if he has to chain you to him... Kratos is determined not to lose the one he loves again.

Maybe he'll find a way to make you immortal, just so he has you live as long as him.

He'd do anything to keep you alive and well.

Regardless on if he makes you happy or not....

Kratos doesn't plan on losing anyone else... even if it means you're unhappy

After all... he's seen the danger this world has to offer... no one else can protect you as well as he can.

[humor6969]

Mom said it's my turn to talk about how Edgar and Mike’s interactions affects the relationships they build with people around them, how that in congruence with the plot, helps develop the themes of self-identity, tyranny, and how we perceive the world around us through the lens presented to us by the very society that limits us, as presented in WOE.BEGONE.

Mike and Edgar’s relationship exemplifies w.bg strongest narrative theme. Both of their characters are introduced with the uncomfortable sword of damocles that is power hanging over their heads.

When Mike was introduced he was powerless. It’s clear he was unhappy with his life and that playing  w.bg was the only thing he thought he could do to feel in control. Nothing could dramatically change your future like putting your life on the line for internet fame. Ironically w.bg only served to further demoralize him, taunting him with the promise of power while further taking his agency.

Edgar was introduced as someone who hadn’t realized the power they don’t have. There was a massive gap in knowledge between what Edgar knew and everyone around him knew. In that way he was isolated from most other tier two co-workers without realizing it. Even Mike was getting to know him on false pretenses. Mike had power over him, he also had knowledge similar to the rest of tier two employees and was manipulating Edgar into helping him learn more.

By dating Mike, Edgar gained new kinds of control/power. A growing desire for more is always one of his strongest motivations, as opposed to Mike’s motivations that vacillate from desperately wanting power to running away from it.

Mike is not only the person who first introduced Edgar to time travel, but also provides Edgar with people willing to follow his orders. He is someone who totally shares those desires. (power hungry assholes <3). We never hear Edgar speak much about people he knows outside of base even before it was created. Edgar might have felt lucky to have found someone like Mike, who (had already done the hard work being social with his co-workers) comes with a pre-established friend group.

His new boyfriend came with not only immense world shattering knowledge and power (as well as near total compliance concerning) but a loyal army for him to command.

These problems are typified by all the ethical/moral dilemmas they are forced to face with the idea of iterative personhood. 

I said "near total compliance" above as most disagreements he and Mike have are caused by how differently they both treat iterations even when they share the same definition of that concept. Mike (as he has made it very aware) sees iterations as a unique individual. His iterations are just some real fucken weird guys who happen to share a lot of his memories.

Edgar doesn’t. Even as the person who created and defined the term ‘iterative personhood’ he views them as disposable copies of the ‘real thing’ or as a back-up. When someone dies he can just load a new copy of them from his save data good as new. 

And as much as Edgar has said he would never hurt any Mike he does so repeatedly throughout the whole series. Edgar might think it's a pity to kill an iteration. Edgar clearly doesn’t like killing anyone (especially a Mike) but he never empathizes with them. He nods his head sympathetically and probably does truly believe it's a waste of a life, but he never has acted like he’s losing a person he cares about. Edgar has shown little to know remorse when it comes to lying or manipulating Mike. Only apologizing when his plans cause Mike permanent suffering or trauma. Although this does not come from a place of malice (*cough* read this post by orchidbreezefc *cough*)

Even iterations of Edgar don’t seem to care about any of the differences between the many Mikes.

When Mustardseed is captured by the Flinchites and interrogated by Michael. Mustardseed immediately speaks to him in the exact way base Edgar has been shown to speak to his Mikey. And not just the same tone of voice. He uses the same playful comments, affectionate teasing, and pet names without any of the hesitation Micheal was noticeably experiencing. To Edgar, he was picking up just where he left off with OverMike. 

(I wish we had more moments with Edgar. Most speaking lines he has are in scenes that have some kind of big Plot Event. I wanna listen to him and Mikey talk about movies. I wanna dissect them)

Edgar may be smart enough to work in a top secret government weapons compound but without Mike he's stuck working a 9-5 desk job with no real human connection. 

Without Edgar, Mike is a dumbass cutting his body parts off for podcast views. 

Mike and Edgar’s relationship changes the whole structure of the show. I feel like the ‘Mike talks to the audience while openly referencing he’s making a podcast’ framing device ends in the middle of season three. Specifically, episode 31 where that pretense drops. I honestly don't know if it's just a coincidence or if Dylan Griggs has made a comment about it (if so whoopsies but I'm trying to make a poetic-y point here). But it's the first episode with only character dialogue and has no narration. It’s also the first episode where Mike shows more serious romantic interest in Edgar. Obviously the narration is still a major part of most episodes but Mike stops breaking the fourth-wall to quip about episode production.

Honestly Edgar’s whole character is my favorite part of w.bg. He makes such a great contrast to the Mikes’ personalities and beliefs while still being a strong guiding force for him to depend on. 

Hope this reads as more then sleep deprived rambling. Inspired by @orchidbreezefc's post (this might not have made sense without reading it)

[inbarfink]

Before the final episodes of “Fionna and Cake,” there was a theory that Simon would move to Fionna’s world, since that world is normal, and non-magical and Fionna and Cake would live in Simon’s world, that is, in OOO, since that world is magical and full of adventures. Do you think this ending would have been better? Like, Fionna's world is legal, she and Simon can call each other, but they swapped worlds

Hmmmmm... okay, so there's two Things that I think about Re:Endings

Endings can't just get swapped in and out of a story, because Endings are built up to during the course of the entire narrative. To hypothetically change the ending of F&C, you don't just need to change the last few scenes of the show, or even just the last two episodes - you're gonna have to rewrite a lot of the series from the ground-up because it's been building up for that specific ending that we've got.

Fionna and Cake is a series whose core conflicts are not exactly... directly applicable to the real world. All of it's lessons and themes have to be understood via the lens of Metaphor. As such, with Endings in general, but with endings of something like F&C especially - it matters less What Happens on paper and more what does it Mean. The question of which alternative universe Simon or Fionna needed to end up on is dependent on the thematic implications of that plot point.

So, like, the show has already spent a lot of time subtly establishing it's themes of acceptance and self-growth - and the way they relate to Fionna and Simon's issues within Fionnaworld and Mainworld. An ending where they just swap places would probably feel unsatisfying because it wouldn't gel with the thematic and emotional concepts we've set up so far.

Fionna thought the problem with her World was that it lacked fantasy and magic, but her real problem was that she felt stuck, helpless and unable to affect meaningful change in her life and world. So when she learned to think things through and accept that her actions have consequences

She realized that she didn't need the Magical Adventures to make her life meaningful. She can make changes in her world in all kind of wonderful normal ways.

And honestly, if she ended up in Ooo without learning this lesson... she wouldn't have actually being much better off than she was in her old World before the series started.

If anything, she would've been worse off because she was cutting herself away from her entire support network and, as a result of her not thinking about her actions and initially viewing Ooo as just a manifestation of her escapist fantasies and not as a real world with real people... as far as Ooo is concerned she and Cake are violent criminals.

So, like, the only way she could've ended up even remotely happy in Ooo is by learning the lesson that meant that she didn't need to go to Ooo to be happy.

Simon would've been in a very similar position. There's also the problem of him living all of his loved ones behind with just Fionna as a point of contact. And... his depression and trauma would not be cured by just a change of scenery. And sure, maybe he would feel less isolated in a world where he's not the only 'normal guy'...

....or his problems will just end up inverting themselves. Because the experiences of living in Ooo have changed Simon, most notably in the character beat in Episode 3 where he's surprised by the presence of a non-talking cat.

Cause, yeah, Simon is 'just a normal guy' - but he's a normal guy whose been living in a world of Wacky Magic for years now and he survived an apocalypse and he used to be Cursed Wizard and his adopted daughter is a Vampire half-demon and he's technically over a 1000 years old... In an actual Normal World, he might start feeling like a Weirdo.

Which is what he was before the Mushroom War.

Simon never truly 'fit-in' into any 'world' he lived in. So he's better off not searching for the One Perfect Place where he belongs - whatever it's a Normal World, or like a Normal World (with a little bit of magic sprinkled in) like what Fionnaworld ended up being - it's to accept the fact that he doesn't need to perfectly fit-in to be happy and feel like he belong and relate to people.

And the ability to accept change and to stop romanticizing the past is a huge part of the Betty part of Simon's arc. So it just fits in better if Simon also has to accept that the world he exists in and the life he leads have changed, rather than being able to go back to a recreation of the Pre-War World he remembers.

... but I am saying all of this because this is what F&C chose to build up to and what F&C chose as it's themes and metaphors. A version of F&C where Simon ends up in Fionnaworld and Fionna ends up in the Mainworld can absolutely exist and work... it's just that you need to rewrite at least like half of the series to build up to it in a way that feels like a satisfying and appropriate conclusion. But also, like, I'm happy enough with the ending we've got that I don't feel the need to do all of this lol

[robyn-hood-10]

Okay if you remember me from my Poseidon character analysis, unlikely but still, hi. Sorry I said within a week, I was very wrong. Anywho.

So, obviously Calypso is a super controversial character within the fandom, so I am going to make my opinions on her morally clear right now: I believe she is an abuser, but not a rapist; she is redeemable in the sense that with a lot of self-reflection I think she can get better; her trauma does not excuse her actions in any way. If you don’t like my opinion, don’t read the rest of this because it will probably factor into my analysis. But please do not yell at me for my opinion, if you don’t like what I have to say, then please just move on.

Content warning: I will be discussing the effects of isolation in childhood and emotional manipulation from a victim turned abuser. If that’s not something you are comfortable reading, then I would recommend you don’t read the rest of this. (Please let me know if I did this wrong, I don’t want to trigger anyone by mislabeling)

And finally for a bit of background, I haven’t read read the Odyssey but I have been studying Greek Mythology for at least two years now, I’m by no means an expert, but I want to be clear I didn’t get all my knowledge from Hercules (ITS HERACLES WHY IS THAT SO HARD DISNEY-)

Ah Calypso, you fascinating pile of trauma and emotional manipulation, you really need therapy girl.

For me, Calypso is in the top five of my ‘characters I’d like to place under a microscope’ list specifically because of the amount of trauma she has and how it affects her communication abilities.

According to the internet, Calypso was imprisoned on Ogygia by Zeus because she supported her father, Atlas, during the Titanomachy

Side note: I searched through each of my three books detailing assorted Greek myths and none of them mentioned Calypso in any capacity, even the one with a section on Odysseus. You would think Greek mythology and the Pleadies would go together but noooo. This is what happens when you try to research stuff apparently. The only reasons I am trusting it are one, I have nothing else to go off of, and two, that is a very Zeus thing to do. So yeah. Sorry this isn’t better supported. I tried.

We can pretty much assume this is canon to Epic, for she says she was imprisoned for a century since she was a child. And because of that, we can also assume she has plenty of trauma. She’s also a goddess. And where I am going with this is basically, she has to have absolutely horrible communication abilities and boundaries. It’s reasonable to assume a person who spends a long time alone would either forget or never learn how to interact with other people. I want to emphasize this is not her fault, however, it does not change anything that she has done. Which is my transition into my next topic, emotional manipulation.

Let me be clear. Calypso is an abuser, I don’t think she’s a rapist in Epic at least, but she is absolutely an abuser. Remember how people really hated Calypso when she showed up in Love in Paradise? I would argue that is because when she shows up there, it’s because we see very clearly how she emotionally manipulates Odysseus, later we see how she doesn’t realize she’s doing it, but right then, that’s all we see. This is the super fascinating thing about Calypso. She thinks she cares, she believes she loves him but she is in fact wrong.

Calypso doesn’t get love, she doesn’t get other people, she doesn’t understand the concept of boundaries, of backing off, she does see Odysseus as an emotional support pet of some sort. Kind of like a stray dog she picked up off the street. She thinks she’s doing the best for the both of them. However, because of her lack of understanding about boundaries and backing off, she emotionally manipulates Odysseus with all the “stay here, it’s a paradise for the two of us” despite her full well knowing this is a prison.

Then there’s Not Sorry for Loving You, which I would say holds a major part in splitting the fandom in two over the question of Calypso. For me, it makes me sympathetic to her situation. But it does not excuse anything that she does. She still tries to keep him in a place where he’s unhappy, where they’re both unhappy. That’s not love, that’s fear with a side of unhealthy obsession. You can understand why it happens, obviously a person isolated for a century would have issues with boundaries and unhealthy obsessions. But she still emotionally manipulates Odysseus.

Ultimately, Calypso is a very complicated character. In order to get better, she needs an optimistic, patient person, who takes no fucking shit from anyone (interestingly, I would consider Polites to be that kind of person, but irrelevant). That person is not Odysseus. That person should not have to be Odysseus.

And that’s all I’ve got in terms of character analysis, but i do have a prompt offering that i came up with while writing this. So if you don’t care about that, thanks for reading this far and please don’t kill me.

Anywho, imagine, if you will, that Zeus visits Calypso, kind of like he does with Prometheus in Kaos, so he complains to her about a bunch of stuff and mentions the cunning Odysseus. In this au, Calypso is not as desperate for companionship, but rather freedom (extra points if she’s aroace, because romance? What’s that? Oh. Ew.) so she considers maybe he could help her get out, but doesn’t think more of it because how is he supposed to get here? Then years later, the silver-tongued Odysseus is washed up on her shores. Instead of immediate obsession, she’s super excited because he might be able to help her get out. You might be thinking, isn’t that kind of also unhealthy, her thinking of him as a tool rather than a person? Yes. Yes it is. Hehehehehehehehehe. But it offers up some really good opportunities for collective bettering between them, and imagine if they don’t manage to get off, but Zeus only allows Odysseus to go. You can do whatever you want by that point, maybe god games Odysseus edition, manwhore au but it starts way later, or. He leaves. Without her. Yeah. Or if they do manage to get off somehow, you can explore how they would probably have a ton of gods and monsters on their tail. Have fun with that if you would like.

And that’s all I’ve got. Sorry for how much morality stuff snuck its way in there, it was unavoidable unfortunately. And if you liked this, you might like my Poseidon character analysis, which is under the tag #character analysis on my blog. Anywho, thanks for reading!

(Note: I will likely never do a character analysis for any other character in Epic, mostly because one, I don’t have a super clear understanding of them and everything they do, and two, it’s been done a lot before, I don’t think I have anything to add. But this all relys on me not having an epiphany on motivations and such. So I won’t say this is it, but I won’t say it’s definitely going to continue either).

[greenerteacups]

I feel like there are definitely hints in canon that Tom basically makes use of the preexisting Pureblood Supremacy ideology as a means to gain influence and power with the old rich wizarding families, while he's really more interested in pushing the known boundaries of magic and becoming an immortal God king figure. However, he does seem to genuinely hate muggles... but I think that has less to do with him actually fully buying into pureblood supremacy (he's a half-blood himself raised within muggle culture) and more to do with him associating muggles with weakness, isolation and mundanity and mediocrity on a very personal level as an orphaned wizard growing up in deprivation amongst muggles who, understandably, find him extremely strange, off-putting and intimidating. It's not for no reason that Harry finds himself, uncomfortably, relating to young Tom... the difference is that Harry has the capacity to love and therefore to have mercy and forgive.... whereas Riddle entirely lacks empathy and compassion. ..

I also think it's interesting that he doesn't associate himself more with the Gaunt name... but then, it seems he particularly resents and despises the "weakness" of his mother, falling in love with a muggle, giving him up for adoption to muggles and, worse of all, dying. Perhaps he considers his mother's conduct even more embarrassing than his muggle name... Although, he does end up leaving it behind to become Lord Voldemort eventually, and it seems only Dumbledore dared call him Tom Riddle after that.

rad takes, my friend. I really like the idea of the core contrast between Harry and Riddle being *not* that Harry harbors any particular affection for muggles or the muggle world (it's my own headcanon that he dislikes it for Trauma Reasons) but that he has the empathy and forgiveness to love and fight for things that don't "deserve" it. he puts Vernon and Petunia in the wizarding equivalent of a refugee program, even though he's a grown adult, owes them absolutely nothing, and would be entirely justified in refusing to ever speak to them again. he shakes Dudley's hand!!

there's also something interesting there about how Harry grows up with Hermione, who is a constant reminder of something the muggle world did that was good — who reminds him that the muggle world is full of loving households and caring parents, and innocent children. that the muggle world isn't just Vernons and Petunias, but many Drs. Granger, too. I wonder whether a similar influence early in Tom's life could have created a meaningful change there. possibly not, but hey, my writing probably shows my hand as far as where I stand on that concept.

his final choice of name being entirely self-conceived does seem somehow significant to the whole Riddle/Gaunt debate, as well. Lord Voldemort isn't even really a proper name, it's a title — in the same way that "Lord Grantham" represents the Earl of Grantham, not some dude called John Grantham. there's also nothing for Voldemort to be lord of; he has no territorial holdings, and wizards don't seem to have a monarchy/nobility, so it's not like he's claiming membership to some specific social class. chances are, it's just a title for a title's sake, meant to elevate and depersonalize him as a godhead, and create greater distance between himself and his followers. feeling embarrassment at the Gaunt name makes sense in context, but I also wonder whether Tom doesn't find something disdainful in trying to claim respect simply because of his heritage, as well — it implies that the true source of greatness comes from something exterior to himself (in this case, Salazar Slytherin). after all, in Tom's mind, he's a greater wizard than Slytherin ever was. why let the dead take the credit?

[adshoactivist]

I'm getting tired of telling myself that "it's going to happen for me" and to "just wait".

I have gone through many personal journeys, I'm no doubt going to go through more. I have come a very long way from the rock bottom where I used to reside, yet still I somehow feel like I'm residing in some sort of limbo, where a part of me is yet to even exist until I find or experience romantic affection.

I sit and get compliments from my friends and older women and I've worked hard to start believing them. I've learned to if not appreciate then accept the things I hate about myself. I forced out of my brain the mindset that I am worthless without a romantic partner no matter how much it feels that way (and how illogical that belief is, assigning worth to something so vast as a life).

But still. While I work on getting better I get the luxury of watching my friends do the same and thrive in areas I've yet proven to be able to. I get to watch guys trip over themselves to talk to them. I get to watch them flirt and play the game masterfully and I get to try not to be jealous when I notice the blatant lack of it all in my own life.

After spending what felt like my whole life fantasizing about this so called perfect relationship, binging romance novels and dramas and x reader fics and I'd accepted them as fiction - until I stopped isolating myself and found out that these little moments that I read about happen every day for everyone around me. And it's so frustrating to avoid simply just asking if the problem is me, am I so unlikable, am I doing literally everything wrong? It feels as though I'm being blatantly overlooked, and the worst part about it all is the guilt I try to stave off feeling, because in my head it seems like I have the biggest and most disgusting ego for not only daring to think I'm beautiful but also getting annoyed (upset, frustrated?) that no guy seems to notice and like me enough to do something about it.

But that's not something I feel comfortable sharing, because I've been through this enough times to know what the responses will be. My friends will remind me that I'm still pretty and that guys aren't worth it and it will happen when I least expect it. My sister, constantly the victim of my trauma dumps, will get annoyed with me for letting my self esteem get so low for even the concept of a man, and my therapist will remind me that I'm on my own journey and to not compare myself with anyone else. Which is a true and fair response, since comparison is what often triggers these feelings, but I'd like to take the opportunity to address each of these responses without feeling like I'm forcing the listener to watch me wallow.

"You're still pretty": I have no doubt that I am pretty, I make it a point to care for myself because I can say that there was a considerable period of my life where I literally did not.

"Guys aren't worth it": Guys are full of shit as a unit, I know that very well as a woman in STEM. But saying romance isn't worth it as someone who regularly experiences romantic affection is like saying money isn't worth it while backstroking in your private pool.

"It will happen when you least expect it": I'm always expecting it.

I will not sit here and say that my self esteem is anything to be proud of. I've only recently stopped apologizing for entering a room. But when literally everyone around me is having experiences that I've dreamed about while it all just passes me by, I'm bound to feel a certain type of way.

And it all comes back to comparing myself to everyone around me. I need to work on that, but there's so much more to the phrase "work on that" than people realize. I literally need to change the way my brain works, and if that needs to happen before I even catch a crumb of romantic affection, then that's another couple years of my life where I still feel this way.

So I'm tired. And impatient. And now that I've reached the end of what I wanted to say, I'm annoyed that I have to go back to a reality where nothing changed other than my posting this

[dballzposting]

Yajirobe, The Survivor

OK. It's Sunday. Time to spend all day making a Yajirobe post (/and then I post it the next day...)

Roadmap of this post: It opens with a brief explanation of what I know about the flight/fight/freeze instincts in order to establish context, as the entire post is circulating about those survival concepts and as they regard to Yajirobe's vitality and development as a character.

It opens with discussion about Saiyans and then Krillin for comparison, and then from there it pretty much just follows Yajirobe's story chronologically.

I do try to make what I'm thinking clear and worthwhile, but idk . . .

DISCLAIMER: PLEEASE bear with me I'm not eloquent but am Trying ....

I've said before (not efficiently, I've now discovered in retrospect... but I TRIED to say before, or thought I was saying before) that when it comes to the quintessential instincts of fight/flight and then freeze, Saiyans just aren't wired to ever activate flight really.

Note about what I've read about such processes (but my memory is Weird and not at all effective for explaining scientific things so bear with my simplistic explanation): It's been established that freeze follows only when fight and flight have been thwarted. So, when fleeing or fighting back have both proven to be ineffective (or if the organism clocks them to be ineffective before even attempting, such as in the case of an obvious [or perceived to be obvious] power imbalance or an abstract threat of circumstance), the animal then defaults to the freeze response. This presents as things like literal paralysis, being "scared stiff," collapsing, going numb or cold .. physiological phenomenon that halt present engagement (and halts forward motion if it is not allowed to terminate itself properly.) Since freeze is the route to take when fight and flight don't work, in the case of animals that don't have good means to defend themselves (and also babies), the threshold to incite freeze is lower. Example: opossums are so quick to "play opossum" because they move in slow shambly ways, so they can't really run away; and they don't have the viscous claws and fangs that other animals do, so they're not built to fight back either. So they just freeze. The threshold to freeze is also made low in the case of a traumatized individual (physiologically the body doesn't know that the threat has passed because the responses to it have not been resolved or the freeze response terminated, and so the nervous system continues to be overwhelmed and defaults to freeze) but we're not getting into all of that.

One more thing that I want to add is a reminder to not make the mistake of assuming a mind-body disconnect within the human organism. The fight/flight/freeze instincts are part of our lowest, most basic instincts as living things on planet Earth, and that attribution by no means isolates it from the rest of us. We can observe and distinguish biological processes and systems from one another, as a means of articulation and understanding, but remember that they only make sense or serve a function when in regards to the whole organism. Thus, it ought not to be surprising that certain emotional states or mindsets can be attributed to different levels of activation (or lack of) in the nervous system. Meaning: as a rough example: affects and beliefs of hopelessness, helplessness, or pessimism can be attributed to (and are a part of) when the freeze response becomes chronic. These are not just opinions that can be brute-forced into change by cognitive stunts, but are the result of the nervous system branch associated with the freeze response being overactive (over time, a chronic subduing, AKA traumatization). The inverse is true too, as in the case of the disregulation that comes with trauma, when one experiences hypervigilance and anxiety and paranoia and an inability to recognize when there actually is no threat (the branch of the nervous system that increases energy, especially activated in fight and flight, is overactivated). OK this is a very complicated topic with many details and branches of discussion therein and I love reading about it but I am not qualified to explain it in a way that is comprehensive or fair. Please just bear with me for the sake of my post... I just needed to say this and set the scene so that the rest coheres. These are ancient instincts that reside in the deepest part of our reptilian brain, but it has its means of communication through all of us, through the limbic (mammalian) brain up to our highest faculties as human beings. These responses color much of how we navigate the world, as I think is the case for every animal since these scripts for inter-organismic interactions have evolved. Our highest brain informs our lowest instincts and vice versa ... Oneness of the organism and all that.

Saiyans are a warrior race, down to their most basic of instincts, which have mature Saiyans continuing to feel the drive to fight even against impossible odds. However, it's also worth pointing out that the mature Saiyans we have seen have received lifelong training to harden their constitution.

But we still see the ability to freeze present itself. in the first Broly movie, we did see Vegeta slip into a catatonic state of hopelessness - freezing in the face of an overwhelming threat. (You remeber .. When Piccolo had him by the scruff like a slutty little kitty.)

Observing the baby Gohan is the best way to see into the Saiyan instincts. At the risk of understating footage that I do believe is a monumental: Remember all of the times that he grew enraged and his power level skyrocketed? Classic fight (rage) response.

Also remember all the times that he grew scared or overwhelmed, and he froze on his feet, and his power level dropped to 0? Classic freeze response!

We never saw him flee. Either he could stay and fight, or he couldn't; fleeing just isn't the Saiyan way, becasue if you can flee, then you can still move to fight.

I thought that I had talked about this more in this post here but I fucking didn't I was just going on about how intense the Namek battle was. whatever. Maybe I'm remebering a different post. Or maybe I never said this at all. Sertiosuly there is one baby paragraph at the end about Gohan and that's it. Well honestly it's a good post about how Goku navigates his survival instincts (and what those instincts even are) but yeah.

Well whatever. I'm saying this now. My opinion is that Saiyans don't really ever employ fleeing as an instinctual option, it seems.

Well, what about the human characters? In them, can we see examples of the flight response?

I don't have anything specific to point out about Krillin at my disposal unfortunately, other than the overall impression that there have definitely been times where he wanted to flee or freeze, but through his training, had been able to stay active and present. But he still sometimes gives in to the overwhelm. On Namek, though he was honestly shining his hardest and trying his best, he persistently perceived himself as being a loser and failing hard. I do believe that he was operating out of the unresolved emotional impact of being helpless when everyone was dying against the Saibamen and Nappa; he was stuck in this hopeless affect of the freeze response, aggravated by the severity of present circumstance.

Krillin possesses a remarkable constitution and ability to stay and fight, but he is still human and not Saiyan. For instance, when the gang was first discovering Majin Buu, Krillin, upon hearing how serious this was, liked the idea of getting to turn back; honoring his growing sense of fear and impulse to flee before it was too late. (This response was prompted and corroborated by his higher cognitive faculties to hear and understand what was being said by the Kaioshin - so you see how these sorts of self-preserving instincts are not at all removed from the rest of the organism, but that the whole human works in tandem.)

With all that being established, I want to talk about another human: Yajirobe.

THIS GUY

YAJIROBE'S CHARACTER PROFILE AT FIRST GLANCE:

Coward

Runs away

Selfish

Gluttenous

Okay cool Why do we give a shit. Well I'll tell you

YAJIROBE'S DEBUT: Wild & Winning Hard

Yajirobe debutted during the Demon King Piccolo arch of Dragon Ball. At time of appearance, he was matched with Goku in hand-to-hand combat, endurance, and resilience.

After their tussle, Goku gave chase to try to claim Yajirobe's one-star ball, but he was never able to catch him; Yajirobe could run just as fast as Goku could, and he was clever about his evasive maneuvers, too.

Before the chase, though, Cymbal had entered the scene (one of the Demon King's minion-children). Yajirobe did absolutely cut him up and eat him, but during their little excursion, before Yajirobe thought that he was foe enough to warrant the blade, Yajirobe had remarked something to the effect of: "What the hell, two really strong guys in one day?"

Yajirobe is inexplicably strong and skilled, he marries the discipline and acuity of a samurai with the degeneracy of a wild boar - it's puzzling, really! But that's his life: He is solitary, and hence, is able to DEFEND HIS OWN.

He himself was struck by the odds of meeting such strong guys in the same day, meaning that most of the time, whom he meets is predictable enough. We can assume that he's nomadic; he hunts everything he eats; if his later tendencies are any indicator of his character at his debut, then he steals when he can and thinks nothing of it. He does drive a car, and we have confirmation later that he has himself a habit of driving stolen ones (i read it on the wiki ... I think it was confirmed in some video game or perhaps interview).

What we have is someone who can absolutely hold his own, can outrun Goku, can stand off against Goku, can kill a Demon King minion with a single slice, can scale Korin Tower with Goku on his back; and also, he will drive a car for convenience, will steal for convenience, will feel inconvenienced when things are difficult and foes are tough.

He has the skill level of a highly disciplined warrior, but the virtues that dictate his actions are those of the self - of convenience. That's why he's a ronin, a masterless samurai; he serves himself!

He is selfish, he minds where his energy goes, he eats as much as he can when it is available; he is hedonistic, he pursues creature comforts, the most important thing for him is saving his own skin.

In other words, he is embodied as an animal and serves his own instincts.

The virtues he honors are of what goes on in, with, and regarding his own body.

I find this fascinating! I've tried to say before, in one of my classic long-winded posts, about how as a character in the story, his role is to bring the virtue of self-preservation and persistence to our hero. He also embodies (and teaches) the vices of such living, as he directly counters Goku's selflessness and bravery when he puts himself in danger for others.

So. Let's explore how Yajirobe navigates and personifies his well-honored instincts, then.

YAJIROBE: Competent & Confident

As previously delineated, Yajirobe was a commendable force at the time of his debut.

We can postulate that he had grown strong from adversity (what else would toughen a human?), and while we don't know what that is, we can assume that it was a countless series of losses, wins, and ties that brought him here.

Since he serves himself and reads his instincts like a holy text, we can assume that he fought when he could, ran away when appropriate, and if the situation called for it - froze and waited for the threat to pass; all as his instincts would have it.

We can trust, with a strength as remarkable as his, that he has spent his life refining his instincts to the tune of a truly competent beast. He may be some of the best of what the human animal has to offer. He is able to "go with the flow" of what he is feeling, what he reads of the present predicament, and trust his instincts to lead him to safety. And mind you, I don't just mean instinct as pre-wired action patterns, but as the mechanism of learning and adaption; for instance, as he comes to accept the katana as an extension of himself, in a split-second instinctual decision he is able to utilize it. The expression of instincts grow with us, and our instincts become more fruitful and refined the more we allow their expression.

Since Yajirobe possess such robust skill, we can then realize that he must possess the constitution and habit that would allow for this level of growth. Which is to say, he is capable of an instinctual "flow" between levels of activation. This is necessary since he literally lives In The Wild - he NEEDS to be able to move judgeless and unhindered between states in order to respond and survive. He is able to ride the tide of activation, adrenaline, even full-blown survival fight-or-flight - and is is then able to ride it back down, discharge the energy, enjoy his rest and food, feel safe and secure in his own skin.

The fact that he successfully survives in the wild, and that he is of a REMARKABLY high power, confirms that is capable of this flexibility and growth, this forward motion. In other words: He's not Hung Up on anything. There aren't Unresolved Responses to past events locked in his nervous system, so he's able to be perfectly present and respond accordingly. He is able to move through events, execute his instinctual responses, process and integrate what happened and what was learned. He has vitality. He's alive. He's staying in motion. He's not carrying trauma.

Yajirobe's basic takeaway in fanon is that he is Cowardly. This rings especially true in a series about the martial arts and the warrior's spirit - self-preservation and cowardice are one in the same, when your goal is to be able to stay present for Every Battle.

But localized just to him, he is not a coward, but a reasonable bloke who is making the SMARTEST MOVES in order to defend his own life.

At Yajirobe's first appearance, he was actually a red-blooded mountain man pulsing with vitality and survival intelligence. This is what was most needed at this point in the story, and I will say that until I die, because it's one of my favorite things: Goku's spirit had been twisted and shattered, and his body was no better, and Yajirobe offered some much-needed GROUNDING amidst this disarray.

Yajirobe was COMPETENT & CONFIDENT. He battled Goku, and then he battled Cymbal. He outran Goku. He only stopped when he found a hay cart, and then he took the opportunity to rest and sleep on it as it bumped along.

When Tambourine came along, Yajirobe wanted to eat him too.

When Yajirobe found out that Demon King Piccolo was afoot, he was rightfully scared, and trusted his gut to TAKE HIS LEAVE.

... But he still hung around a bit to watch Goku's first run-in with him.

... During Goku's second fight against him, Yajirobe headed over there, and though he kept trying to talk himself out of it - he also kept trying to talk himself back into it.

Yajirobe feels his fear and he usually follows it without question, but he is also curious. This is his nature as much as any instinct to flee is - and, why should he flee completely, anyhow? If he can stay out of it, but stay close enough just to watch, then that's the ideal. He wants to see the fun, he wants the new sights, he wants to monitor his environment, he wants to be engaged and present, isn't that all he's ever been?

At this point, Yajirobe is confident enough to do that. He's confident enough to stay with it and trust that he will be okay.

I think precisely because he has Yet To Be Overwhelmed.

Prior to all of this, he didn't know that there were guys like Goku and Cymbal just walking around. He was surprised to encounter them. But he was able to take them on, same as he was able to take on any other challenge in his past. And whatever his past held, we know that he overcame it and moved past whatever its outcome was (as evidenced by his present skill and vitality).

This Piccolo shit is scary, but as past experiences have taught, he's survived all the other times he was scared. This is scary, and any day could be his last, but he is not locked into that fatalistic mindset - he retains his flexibility and curiosity. He comprehends his mortality, and that's why he adheres to his instincts so closely, but through those same instincts to feel and flow is how he has been able to move through and conquer all challenges that came before.

At this point in the story, the world is still manageable. Yajirobe is Wild & Winning Hard. He's Confident & Competent. But the world is quickly changing and he is quickly learning.

Yajirobe & Korin's Tower: A Place to Rest

When Yajirobe's usefulness in the story is over, he is dropped at Korin's Tower and stays there for forever. Well, no, we do see him in other places sometimes; there is still the occasional panel of him sitting by a tent and eating what he's hunted (by that I mean exactly one teaser shot in the manga. During the Namek arch in DBZ I think.)

Surely it would have been just as easy to leave him as that wild mountain man for forever? Why portray him at Korin Tower more times than not?

Surely he can fend for himself out there, as he's always successfully done, right?

Well. You know.

The Piccolo Apocalypse was sort of a big deal. And I think that if Goku had lost, then Yajirobe would have just done what's he's always done: fight those he could and hide from those he couldn't. But this whole escapade must have shown him that there REALLY ARE people stronger than him; readily so, in fact. Yajirobe could take Cymbal, but what about that intense fight he witnessed Goku have with Tambourine? There are forces much stronger than Yajirobe, and they have the power to change the world.

After Goku defeats the Demon King, he then travels to Kami's Lookout to prepare for the Demon King's reincarnation.

We actually get a scene where Yajirobe is looking up from Korin's Tower, wondering if Goku will fall from the sky, and hoping to be there to catch him if he does; same as he was there to catch him after Goku defeated the Demon Kind while airbourne.

Though hard lessons have been learned, we have no reason to believe that Yajirobe is a broken spirit; and we can assume that he simply enjoys the peace, solitude, and safety of Korin's Lookout.

Actually, at first, we can see Yajirobe come back from this whole ordeal, same as he has conquered all of his past challenges: he does the confident and spontaneous thing of attempting to enter the Tournament where Goku and Piccolo Jr square off! Maybe he wants the prize money. But he never would have done that before, definitely always preferring to just Stay Out of the DRAMA!!!!! Even though he saw just how strong Goku was and how strong a fighter could be .. He's still there, sniffing around the scenes of excitement!

He's defeated in the preliminaries by Kami's stand-in. But the fact that he showed up was interesting. He's still curious and engaged in life.

Onward to Dragon Ball Z, 5 years later, Yajirobe's first appearance is when he delivers a message to Kame House about the Saiyans. But he clearly doesn't consider this his problem.

He does train at Kami's Lookout with the rest, but he clearly doesn't really give a shit.

Even though this is some scary shit coming, he is still sufficiently confident in his ability to hide and self-defend that he's just not worried.

In the anime, in the filler, he blows hot air at at some journalists and eats their free meals. He normally stays out of the limelight - the drama - but, it's free food!

Then he hovers around the Vegeta battle. Kind of a hobby of his.

To cut to the chase - Yajirobe is scared watching the bullshit play out, but he's able to freely move into relief and excitement when he thinks that Goku has defeated Vegeta.

And then he's able to go back to being SCARED SHITLESS watching the rest play out, hiding behind rocks, sweating bad, ETC. Really wanting to just get out of there and be safe - but also having a stake in the battle, understanding that if Vegeta wins then the planet is as good as done. So, serving the interests of survival, it's not enough to just run this time ... He has to stay and closely monitor the events, waiting for the moment where it starts to turn in his favor so that he can again feel peace, or otherwise have the opportunity to strike.

In the art of survival, his best bet is to actually stay present. But, he's no good IN battle. So what's he to do? This is a high-stakes event, he's fully prepared for fight-or-flight activation ... And he just has to sit still with it.

This would be enough to overwhelm anyone, but Yajirobe possesses an earned endurance and an integral tolerance for his own sensations, both of which allow him to consistently persist.

When in fight-or-flight activation, but when movement is restrained physically or by circumstance, that's actually when you'll see organisms fall into a freeze; otherwise, the body would burn itself out from such senselessly high activation. Animals and people alike will pace and pace and pace the cage until resigning to a corner, overwhelmed into disassociation.

But not Yajirobe becasue he's badass. He's all fired up and ready for an in. He wants to get TF Out Of There SOOO BAD and he KNOWS PRACTICALLY that he is of No help, but ..

The thing is, he has a LIFETIME of REFINING HIS INSTINCTS to the belief that HE IS GOOD ENOUGH. He can do it. He's a survivor, and he survives. He's won every time before, as is proof by his continued existence. His deepest sense of self is that of a winner. That's not a belief that he can talk himself out of. He's always relied on what his instincts tell him to do In the Moment, and that has always paid off.

So he just can't believe that he's actually helpless right now. We see Krillin believe in his own helplessness a few times through the story, starting from the utter shock and despair of when they were squaring off against the Saibamen and Nappa. If I recall correctly, Krillin actually exclaims: "Everyone is dying and there is nothing that I can do about it!" He carries that hopelessness with him to Namek, where he fails to see how courageous and clever he had been. That's an example of an unresolved impact; that's an example of when helplessness becomes chronic.

But Yajirobe has no such experience. He is still standing - GOD HELP HIM, HE CAN DO NO ELSE - with utter faith in his own instincts.

It's an amazing shock to see him come out of nowhere and cut off Vegeta's tail, but in regards to what Yajirobe was experiencing, it coheres perfectly. He's an expert swordsman with faith in his abilities; he's in a state of intense activation, and cannot flee, so the energy must go somewhere, lest he arrive at a threshold. He saw an in. He took it.

In the most epic moment of shonen history, Yajirobe sliced off Vegeta's tail...

(I won't be arguing this, but I will mention it: there is a concerning undercurrent - an argument for preoccupation. Perhaps his apparent apathy for the Saiyan's arrival was a sort of denial, or cosmic giving-up. Perhaps he continued to hang around the battle as an unconscious attempt to resolve something that went unresolved the other times he was frightened and witnessing a battle that he had no power in. If that's the case, then I'd argue that when he mobilizes TOWARD the battle - not running away, not staying "scared stiff" somewhere - and SUCCESSFULLY removes Vegeta's tail, thus turning the tide of the battle, then that served as a renegotiation of anything lingering and a resolution for the present conflict. Of course the scene didn't end there. But you know.)

The other thing that Yajirobe did in this battle was get cocky enough to land a direct hit onto Vegeta. That's how we know that Yajirobe is doing alright - because he understood when he had a winning move, and he felt fueled by it.

But it was pretty scary what happened then. Vegeta set his eyes on him, and Yajirobe - master swordsman, one with the blade, disciplined in his craft - PANICKED. Once he saw that Vegeta was still standing, his confidence was eclipsed. Had it not been, and he would have struck with more direction - had it not been, and he would have enabled himself to run away. But he knew, on a deep level, that he was hopeless against Vegeta. He's ALWAYS trusted his perception, trusted his instincts - so God help him, he couldn't fool himself into believing otherwise. He swung helplessly and aimlessly with his katana, but his body and ability were failing him now, because he understood that he couldn't win this. He fought against this inner perception, he tried to fight, he tried to talk his way out of it - but he was done for.

His deepest self surmised the situation, and its verdict is always king (especially in the case of the self-trusting survival-minded Yajirobe); he couldn't fight, he couldn't run ... so his best shot was taking the hit and surviving through the threat's barrage.

I think that we see that display of panicked confusion in organisms whose instincts have already gone awry, in the case of trauma or in the case of mankind's tendency to create cultures that do plenty to suppress / not engage in our deepest instincts. We see that when somebody is deeply, utterly unprepared, and they rely too heavily on their cognitive faculties (think the prevailing Western philosophy of the mind-body disconnect), and they overthink themselves into an immobility.

But that's not Yajirobe. I've gone out of my way to display several times that That Is Not Him.

So his falling apart in that moment was a testimony to just how scared he felt - he was overwhelmed by the threat, and fight and flight were no longer a viable option. (<- For the record the emotion of fear occurs only when the prospect of failure is looming, as in active escape or defense are not engaged. So really he was scared BECAUSE he already could feel that he had lost.)

God bless him, he tried; and if he HAD been able to talk himself out of a beating, then he would have been rewarded with a profound feeling of relief and self-confidence, and his organism would have filed away that successful tactic for future use in order to rely on later. But it didn't work. and Vegeta ATE HIS ASS LIKE CORN ON THE COB !!!! I'm Sorry this is the only screenshot I have of that scene.

Very undignified screenshot. Low-taste. Old too. My apologies

Lator we see Yajirobe sitting at the hospital with his arms crossed like a little bitch. With his silly bandaids.

(^ Tiny picture from Google.)

Hey Look that was Hard On Him BUT like I said he has SURVIVED and CONQUERED all previous challenges. We know that there were challenges because he's so strong and we know that he conquered them because he's still so full of confidence and curiosity. He knows how to process his defeat. How knows how to discharge the survival energy and move through such intense levels of activation (or freeze). It's a remarkable, transformative thing, and he's done it so many times in his life living out in the wild. He's not afraid of it.

But moving through events also means integrating the lessons learned; and he's learned, again, that there are enemies stronger than he out there. And it is entirely possible that he may find himself defenseless again.

In the anime filler (which I never actually saw....................), Yajirobe is dragged along by the others as they attempt to travel to Namek themselves. According to the wiki, he repeatedly tries to escape, but is always stopped.

At this point, we've seen Yajirobe's impulse to flee frequently. By its prevalence, we can assume that this habit of his predates his debut; and by his conviction to himself, we can assume that it has always served him well. But, he fights or otherwise acts in defiance of the impulse to flee enough times for us to conclude that he does not make a chronic habit of avoidance.

Actually here's something that I didn't mention earlier because it was gratuitous but: This is Yajirobe drawing his blade against a wicked ice monster during he and Goku's adventure to get the super strong mystic water:

Okay WTF I don't havwe the screenhsots. OK so here's a gif from tumblr instead

OK so actually that's him putting the blade away. Fuck me

OK fine I got the screenshots.

I dont know why the watch bar is there. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry

He's just so cool your honor...

Korin's Tower: A Place to Hide, For Better or For Worse?

Gonna be honest. We don't see much of Yajirobe after the Saiyan saga.

Even though he came out triumphant and Alive, we don't have reason to believe that he does anything cool and exciting. We don't know if he stalked the city nightlife for free food and scandal, or if he set up a tent in the jungle and went back to his ways of solitude.

For all we know, he just carted his ass right back up Korin's Tower!

(........except for how his wiki says that in Dragon Ball Online it is said that Yajirobe descends the tower to become a senzu bean farmer......)

As the world becomes more and more unpredictable and .. easily fatal, it's becoming an increasingly good idea to just hunker down and hide.

He necessarily must still make provision runs. But he takes the time to travel the loooong distance to and back from Korin's Tower. He makes that choice.

It's his volition, and his survival wisdom.

But it makes me sad. He used to be a free roaming mountain man. Now he's leaning hard into the personification of a coward. He's always been a survivor, but he's also always been a winner; but now, his spontaneity and reign over life have taken a hit as he elects to hide in the second tallest tower in the world, rather than remaining on the planet's surface and engaging in the action.

Maybe it's the natural conclusion for someone prioritizing their own comfort over all else: what's more comfortable than guaranteed solitude and safety? Of course, a character like him would attach himself to such a place as soon as he discovers it.

But I worry that it indicates a mindset shift. He keeps bearing witness to foes with the power to overwhelm him, and he's not enough of an idiot to continue to be cocky. Though he's always been intimate with his own mortality, through his health he's been able to maintain a restful, but alert, disposition. Now, however, it seems that he doesn't want to even risk being caught unawares.

I'm inclined to point out the possibility of Yajirobe responding to a sense of unsettlement that he cannot escape: the growing internal perception but there lurks unbeatable threats, and that his life will never be the same. This is an uncomfortable perception to inhabit, and it corrupts health as much as it is the result of inner disrupt.

But I think that even that is cynical. Because again, Yajirobe has always been a survivor, and surely this isn't news to him. Surely he will just adapt, and his spirit doesn't have to take a hit.

We have proof enough that he rebounds with resilience, actually! He delivers the Senzu Beans during the Android Saga, and then his car gets shot down, and he tags along for the adventure henceforth, unfazed (although annoyed). He doesn't just go scrambling back to Korin's Tower; he bums around Capsule Corp for a while, still exercising the capacity to enjoy good food and relative rest!

You could argue that he hangs around because the fate of the world is at stake and he's driven, or at least curious, to see how it ends; same as he hung around the previous world-altering battles. Maybe he's confident enough that he can watch while staying out of the blast zone, maybe he feels involved and is waiting for the time to strike - regardless, he's lingering.

He's of no help to Bulma's ventures, however, even getting on her case about her mothering skills. When she was busy building a remote that could save the fucking planet.

So he's really just there for the fuck of it. Glad to see it.

Next we see him, he's up in Korin's Tower during the Cell shit. He really went like "Oi that's it. Not feeding Bulma's fucking infant son for her anymore. Tjhis Peach Cobbler babyfood is so good but I have my damn dignity... I'm out of here"

And he does fuck all up there? For seven years? Next we see him he has this sexy fur coat and a little shitstache.

Even though the world is at peace, he still chooses to live up there. Hey, he's a survivor, and he's always followed his gut, and this is a smart and safe place to be, so he's gonna enjoy it, right?

And that's good and all for him. But it's like finding a Mushroom Island biome on Minecraft. You have plenty of free food and no hostile mobs - ... but that gets boring, doesn't it?

We've no proof that Yajirobe doesn't grow soft up there.

What made him so sharp before? His living in the wild! Now he's living like a stray cat who's been taken into the soft world of indoor living.

I like that he's an agent to his instincts; but now I'm concerned, because overactivity in one element or another is not health. Too much rest, too much inactivity, not enough adventure, not enough stimulation - it depresses, it suppresses, it EXASPERATES the symptoms that drove one into hiding to begin with! If Yajirobe felt on some level the looming threat of impossible challenge, he would have been more embodied if he had instead trained or lived hard until he re-taught himself of his own competence. Instead, it seems like he just rolls over. He chooses the comfort. He chooses the tall tower, he chooses the hidey-hole, he chooses the cloth mother, he chooses the morphine drip.

TOTALLY predictable behavior, given that his priorities have always just been safety and comfort. But if he was really serving himself, then he would have felt the inner call to keep living, and he would have gone out there to seek excitement and perhaps even purpose. Can't he feel himself atrophying?

Perhaps he inadvertently puts himself into a feedback loop, where he initiates his hiding because he feels a creeping perception of unsafety, and his hiding is proof that he's not strong enough to defend himself, so he keeps hiding, and this continues to warp his perception, and he grows increasingly phobic of activity and risk. And he just melts unto the couch. Really believing that it's dangerous on the ground and that he's better off up there.

Moving forward, he may make a chronic habit out of avoidance. He's certainly set himself up for it, sequestering himself in a tower like that.

At once he was a winner, now he's a runner; either way he's a survivor, but I'm tellin' 'ya, Hiding is not Living.

Perhaps this is a lesson about the vices of attending only to your survival needs; everything in moderation, including safety, otherwise you may end up numbed-up and sleeping your life away.

BUT: It's also likely that he instead retains a strong connection with his inner world, and when he reads that he is going stir-crazy or becoming paranoid, he simply goes back down to the surface and spends some time there.

Or maybe he never has those issues at all, because he comes from a solid enough background of wild-living to retain perspective, and he is just simply built for peace & safety and finding endless enjoyment in that. That's what I want to believe ....

The truth, and the only truth, is that we just don't know, because Yajirobe exits the story and that's it.

In DBS we do see him playing limbo with Korin and it's definitely the best possible thing that the writers could have done.

Dragon Ball Super & The Bad Timeline

In DBZ, it was stated that Yajirobe dies along with everyone in Future Trunks's bad timeline. In DBS, we discover that actually, Yajirobe had survived.

Here's a video where we find that out, starting at 0:40. Honestly please watch it becasue it's so fucked up

At this point Yajirobe is like ... a 60 year old man. Still a sexy little thang tho

According to him, he was able to narrowly survive the Androids because Korin gave him the last Senzu. Yajirobe is unable to get through this story without melting into tears.

So let's evaluate this.

It seems that Korin has perished in order to allow Yajirobe the last Senzu Bean. This was a good move, becasue Yajirobe's whole skill and gimmick is that he's a survivor, so; yeah, that won't be in vain.

But it's also dreadfully moving, becasue Korin is an immortal (?) cat guy, while Yajirobe is just a human man who likes to eat.

When Yajirobe starts to cry while telling the story, he starts to shove food in his mouth in order to soothe himself.

It is then revealed that his role in the resistance is just to hide during battles and eat all of their food later.

This is not a good look.

Yajirobe has the potential to act in ways that are noble, or honorable, or that serve the greater cause of communal survival. But he's not doing that now. He still has that katana, attached at his hip, an extension of himself. But he's not fucking using it.

He could have been moved by Korin's sacrifice, spurred into a resilient resolve, as Trunks's speculates in the video - but instead, he's just ..... an old man.

Making a habit of hiding and running.

They are by means bad survival techniques - they've gotten him to this age!

But it's a major step-down from the vitality we used to see in him.

The way that he starts crying anew when telling the story indicates that he's not over it at all. And the way that he immediately moves to keep eating to hush himself up indicates that he's not trying to get over it either.

At once, it seems that he was able to move through and ultimately conquer challenges. At some point, though, he lost the inner strength to be able to contain such transformation.

Maybe he just grew soft in Korin's Tower, and he lost the tolerance and endurance for life's rich struggles. Maybe he forgot what it felt like to encounter hardship and to persevere through it? The thrill of success? The deep-rooted feeling of competence that comes when impacts are navigated and resolved, rather than letting them harden into trauma that leaves blind blotches on the psyche that enervate and block growth?

The abrupt terror of another apocalyptic foe, this time times two - seeing his safest haven be ransacked and destroyed - and then his roommate and friend of ~15 years not making it out alive, even sparing his own life in order to save Yajirobe's. Perhaps that was all just too much?

HOWEVER: Bear in mind that at this point, his timeline has endured the Androids, and now Goku Black. And it's been quite a while. Trunks is, like, 30. The Androids hit 30 years ago. Korin died 30 years ago. It's just not reasonable for us to have that little faith in Yajirobe. Maybe he really did digest the horrors, and it's turned him into a sentimental, soft old man? Really, what else would it turn him into?

Maybe he WAS doing good for himself for a while, truly embodying the fire to survive, not willing to let Korin's last Senzu Bean be in vain; and he had hid better than the rest of 'em, living every day like it was his last. Maybe he had found life in death.

But now the world's been thrown into disarray again and OOOHG MY GOD. He might as well melt into a sad old man. Fuck it

HIS OTHER APPEARANCE at 0:08:

This is pretty much the last we see of him. And it couldn't be more poignant.

His final move in the story is to drag Trunks and Goku to safety. How many times has he brought Goku to safety at this point? The is really the most appropriate culmination of his character, in the noblest way: he's a survivor, he's a cockroach, he runs, he hides; and he enables others to do the same.

Maybe others would do well to borrow those virtues.

Maybe he's a coward, or maybe he's the only one with a consistent history of wins. He's always played it safe, and done only what was absolutely necessary at any given time. That's a remarkable thing, really! Maybe he's the only one with any lick of sense or priority. (And then we loop back to his role in the original dragon ball and discuss how he argues this same priority of survival when Goku acquired the super mystic water that could kill him, and Goku argues back that he will drink it anyway becasue he has to become strong enough to save his friends.)

Maybe Yajiorbe .. Is the true hero of Drgaon ball .,......

End post

Conclusion

I don't really know... I like Yajirobe I just wanted to spend a Sunday thinking of him.

I've always loved him for what he represents, as in the virtues & vices of being a survivor; of being a noble samurai who serves only himself. I find it integral and essential, and I always wanted to discuss it somehow.

What I wish I could have done was attach one million subbed screenshots, but I don't have them, and I don't remeber when his appearances are either, so :( SAD.

IDK.. I hope this made you think things .. I hoped that it was an interesting perspective on the character of Yajirobe.

-

For Further Reading regarding the most up-to-date & pragmatic understanding of trauma (and the fight/flight/freeze responses), read "In An Unpsoken Voice" by Peter A Levine becasue it's ungodly interesting.

And I apologize heavily for any time during this post where I was too bold, brazen, or speaking above my station; I am trying my best here.

Poll

[halfelven]

typical my life was fucked up stuff under the cut (csa)

i have quite high self esteem and self confidence which always surprises psychiatrists bc of my background but the thing is i don’t really know why i do? possibly out of spite? from pure necessity? byproduct of having to be as independent as i had to be?

i’m also not a people pleaser and i don’t really have social anxiety so it might stem from the idea that there was nothing i could do to get attention, affection, or help and the only person i could ever rely on was myself

i did use to hate myself and think a lot of the shit they told me about me was true, but i really like myself now and i don’t think my close friends all secretly hate me. i have to force myself to respect (good) authority and not think i’m better than other people. i think this probably does stem from the hyper independence. i also have to force myself to form attachments.

(this is one thing that i told my mother would happen to me in my ‘why i shouldn’t be this isolated’ presentations. i have referenced it in previous posts without admitting what it was since i don’t want to hurt people’s feelings by saying it is hard for me to form attachments or really care if someone stays in my life. it’s not consciously a choice to avoid hurt from people leaving, but it might be subconsciously that. i saw too many friends die as a child and then went into near total isolation and didn’t form any new relationships during a crucial time in child development—as i told my mother.)

i find it interesting how it is so different from what psychiatrists are expecting, but all my good drs have admitted there’s hardly any studies done on cases like mine, so there’s not that much to compare it to.

but my current dr doesn’t think i should do long distance therapy due to she thinks my therapist should closely monitor my body language and facial expressions.

(‘like what you’re doing with your hands,’ she says, as i glance down at how i’m twirling my thumbs round each other. i laugh since i knew that was one big thing she meant when she said it would be better in person. ‘yes, that makes sense, of course,’ i say. i smile at her, looking straight into her eyes and laugh again because i know the other thing she’s thinking and that we’re both not saying. ‘so much of trauma is held in the body,’ she says, ‘and long distance you can’t see more than the face. and you can’t mark changes.’ ‘of course,’ i agree.

i can’t remember our last appointment in february or the one before that in december. she tells me that both times i spoke clearly and was tidy and presentable. that she hadn’t noticed anything about me being completely gone. she asks if i was gone somewhere else. i truthfully tell her that i can’t remember most of the winter. nothing felt real and now most of it is dark.

she says i’m the perfect candidate for rehabilitation because i’m so driven and strong. that i need time to heal and establish myself. but i know what i want. i nod again. i know what i want. i don’t know who i am. she says my background was inhuman and inhumane. i nod and smile again. i haven’t smiled this much in weeks.

i tell her i’m glad i got the rehabilitation because i do know what i want and my studies will help me get it but i was scared that if i started therapy while expected to do full time studies i would just fall apart completely. ‘it’s going to be bad,’ i say. it’s going to get worse before it gets better. i push away images of inhuman cruelty that did not happen to me.

‘therapy is very hard,’ she says. ‘but it helps. no one would do it if it didn’t help. it’s too painful… unless they were extreme masochists!’ we both laugh. i have bruises running up my arm from bite marks.

i don’t get home before i break down crying in the park. i lean against a tree and cry. she’s telling me i’m getting real help, actual stability. i’m crying because that’s a mean joke to play on someone. it’s not real. and even if it were, i can’t grasp the concept of stability. i’ve never been able to plan my life more than a month ahead.

and nothing seems real anyway. i’m floating instead of actually stepping on the ground. i didn’t sleep last night and i have just come back from a funeral that reminded me that i have no one to turn to. it’s so warm, and it was still winter in the north. and i’m tired so all the light seems brighter.

nothing is real and i didn’t live through that hell. yesterday i read a sad, sad book and knew that it had to have happened. my denial, my memory working exactly like that. it couldn’t happen. it was too cruel. i couldn’t deny it longer. but today is real. of course it didn’t happen. nothing is real. i whisper old words in my mind, ‘this isn’t happening. this isn’t happening.’ so it didn’t happen. so it could never have happened. it wasn’t real then and it’s not real now.

and i fall apart for no reason, and they’re going to find out, and get mad at me for lying, and take away all my help and i’ll never be able to keep a job because i’m too dramatic and just want attention.

of course that’s not true. i know i couldn’t fake this. i’m too strong anyway. if it didn’t happen i would already have gone so far in life. become a surgeon or something. i’m too smart. too resourceful. too determined and independent and brave. it was something bad that made this. it just didn’t happen to me.

another doctor stared at me before and told me i had a fire inside me she had never seen before. and another doctor told me i had the strongest will he had ever seen. that sounds made up but it happened and i still don’t know what to think of it.

the one who called me strongest liked me so much that it was not at all professional. he told me that i was too self aware for him to be anything but entirely direct. and then he told me i was brilliant and had to go to grad school so my mind wouldn’t be wasted and that i would change the world. ((people who haven’t gotten off their computer in ten years will say it never happened.))

and i am sitting here today knowing that i have written a book that could probably help change the world. and it would also give my soul away, in a sense. it’s brutally raw and there’s not much that i’m hiding—there is some of course, but i would go insane if there wasn’t. and sure i’m brave. but am i that brave?

ever since i was a child i knew that i would always be hated. not because i was at my core entirely hateable but because i was always going to make so many enemies.

i heard their stories and what they wanted for the world, and i was going to make myself their enemy. an evil villain who they could focus some hatred on, get it away from people who didn’t want it. change others’ minds.

that’s not the part i’m scared of. it’s just going to be so hard to hear people who say they want to help csa victims say i survived wrong. coped wrong. got my sexuality wired wrong. and i’m not leaving that out because i know other people kill themselves over this. i’m sick of saying i’m sorry for being raped as an infant and coming out wrong. i’m not sorry.

i’m violent and angry. i’d like to torture him to death. and people say they want to do that for less. if you are stripped entirely of your pride and humanity what do you become?

at least he never broke me

[mysadcorner]

DC Characters x TouchStarved!Reader Headcanons

- Credit to the gifs owner - Please be specific about characters wanted in requests -

Masterlist Navigation

Requested: yes

Tag list: @simligul

Damian Wayne

• Damian probably wouldn’t notice or pay much attention to it at first, but not on purpose. He himself is touch starved but isn’t aware of it so he fails to notice when others are too; however, once you start to open up to him about it he begins to realise.

• As stated before, Damian is just as touch starved as you are but he doesn’t really know or show it. As soon as you start showing him affection though, it all comes to light and he’s suddenly craving all you can give him as a way to make up for all the years he’s missed out on.

• You would both end up helping each other through whatever emotions you’re feeling and would overcome the touch deprived period of your lives at the same time. He’d most likely make sure that he has enough time just to spend quality time with you as a way to ensure this.

• Being touch starved means that something hasn’t been working out for you in the past or you haven’t been in loving and caring situations, and Damian seriously wants to change that. Not only is he doing this too help you but to also better himself as a person to and to become more comfortable with interacting and being close with others.

• As a result of this, you’re both better off with each other and able to help one another overcome your past ways of living. You may not be public about you affections, but in private Damian is always happy to receive and give you as much as you want or need.

Conner Kent

• When Conner finds out what being touch starved is and that you have this problem he finds himself to be a bit heartbroken. Luckily he has quite a lot of people around him who deeply care, and this is something he pushes onto you so that you’re no longer having this problem.

• Conner isn’t exactly touch starved, but he certainly hasn’t had that much affection given to him. He’s the type of person to need a lot of people around him and good relationships with others, so even if his friends aren’t around he begins to feel lonely in a similar way.

• Conner is naturally very affectionate so it wouldn’t be too hard to make sure you weren’t feeling touch starved anymore, especially as he gives you all of his free time. He’s like a puppy, you both make each other happy.

• Conner wouldn’t really have any concept of whether you being touch starved was the result or came along side trauma you’ve faced in the past, unless you’ve already sat him down and talked about it with him previously. Therefore, you’d probably have to open up to him quite a bit in this situation for him to fully understand the extent to what you’re feeling.

• Conner is very sweet and adoring so if you’re close to him it wouldn’t take very long for your feelings of being touch starved to be taken away. He’s always hands on to the things he likes, so you probably wouldn’t have to even ask him for anything to make you feel better as he’s already doing it.

Garfield Logan

• Garfield would be very sweet and genuine about the whole situation as he feels bad for what you’re going through. He knows what it’s like to feel like an outsider and not have enough affection so he does his best to completely turn this around and make you feel better.

• Because of his abilities, there was a time when Garfield was quite isolated and unable to be as lived and affection given as other people. Because of this he too was touch starved until he found you and others who made him feel welcome, which he wants to return the feeling of.

• Not only will Garfield be physically affectionate, but he certainly is emotionally. It’s obvious that he’s one of the most caring people you could ever meet so it’s not surprising when he’s able to make you feel better in ways that just removing your feeling of isolation and being touch starved.

• If there was past trauma involved then he wouldn’t actively seek it out but he would instead try to help you get over it. He knows you won’t be able to forget it but he wants you to know that you’re in a better place now and are able to be with those who live and care for you deeply.

• If all goes well then you benefit each other by making sure you’re each never lonely, plus you enjoy each others company so much that you never get bored. Whether this be deep conversations or just playing games and having fun. Things never get dull with Garfield.

[animeyanderelover]

U don’t need to do this if u don’t want to but I was wondering how would Eren and Kurapika be like a Yandere plantonic father towards their child and how would they take care of their children with their darling? Just curious..

I honestly adore the concept of a Yandere having a family with their darling and the dynamic. In fact, I love it so much that at this rate I have pretty much developed child Oc's in my head.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusion, manipulation, overprotective behavior, isolation, violence, threats, warnings

Being parents and taking care of their children with s/o

Kurapika Kurta

⛓️​Years into marriage and a life where the Kurta man has pretty much abducted you within his overwhelming love and paranoia, things have finally settled down a bit. You two live in a house in a pretty secluded area where Melody might just be the only one allowed to visit you together with his friends from the Hunter Exam, though your husband is more warily since they tend to be a rowdy bunch. Your husband still keeps you isolated but at least takes the responsibility of the providing and gentle husband. And it's been years since you've managed to give Kurapika the greatest gift alongside with you and your love in the form of children. You've always known about his dreams to start a family with you for more purposes than just restoring his clan. Kurapika adores his darling, they're his everything and after all the trauma and hardships he went through, he just wants his own happy family since only living for revenge makes him feel quite lonely and empty inside at times.

⛓️​You have given him three adorable children. Emica, the oldest child, Mine, her younger sister, and most recently have greeted the youngest one, Hiro, into this world. By now you know his antics when it comes to Kurapika dealing with your pregnancy and the first few months after you've given birth. He doesn't let you lift a finger, grows even more overbearing and smothering with his affection towards you and the newborn and doesn't stray away from your side at all. Generally speaking, Kurapika has troubles leaving the house for a longer period of time even more so than he did before. He has two young daughters, one newborn son and you're still weak from giving birth so it physically pains him to leave. His paranoia has never eased, especially now with his kids who have inherited the Kurta eyes. He knows how many people would kill for those eyes which is why he keeps his family in the first place in such an isolated place. A place where he can protect you all, only a handful of people are allowed inside.

⛓️​It means that his kids will be taught within the safety of the four walls and the forest surrounding it. It's also an absolute must that Kurapika teaches his children how to control their emotions and hide their eyes in case they ever are under people and get emotional. As much as he'd like to think that he can protect his family for all eternity, he is rational enough to know that this will not work so as much as it goes against his will, he also plans to teach them how to fight and defend themselves when they're old enough. Sort of manipulative though, he basically gaslights his kids into not wanting to meet other people which really just stirs from his deep-rooted fear to lose them to the greed of some bastards. He masks it for his darling and the children but Kurapika is still quite merciless and aggressive which is shown the moment someone disturbs the peace and safety of his family. He's gone so much more violent since he's become a father and is willing to go to hell and beyond if it means keeping you four safe.

⛓️​That aside, Kurapika is quite a good and responsible father. He takes over more chores so you can rest more and naturally looks out and helps you with the three kids. By now he is quite experienced with the cries of a newborn and changing diapers since he's gone through it already with Emica and Mine yet he never complains once. Even with his paranoia and fear, Kurapika has never felt so fulfilled ever since his clan has been slaughtered. He's over the moon to raise children with his darling and his heart swells with joy whenever he comes home and Emica and Mine run towards him and cling to his legs to greet him just as much when he holds the baby in his arms. As someone who suffered enough for multiple lifetimes, he wants to make sure that his children will never have to go through even half of what he went through. He's normally always doting but becomes more sturdy the moment his children start being pushy about wanting to visit a village and see other people.

⛓️​Almost equally important for him is that his children get along. He understands that jealousy can arise under his daughters now that their parents are a bit busy with looking out for their young brother and that small arguments can start for other reasons as well. So he does his best to divide his time and attention as good as possible and stop quarrels before they can even begin, he's quick to separate his kids if they're about to physically argue though. When it comes to the chances of them hurting each other, Kurapika never fails to be mad, mainly because he's gone into fullblown mother hen mode so injuries are a no. Reads with his darling always a goodnight story to his children before sending them off to bed, Hiro's cradle is in the bedroom of s/o and him so they can instantly care for him the moment he starts crying. Mine and Emica are free to join if they can't fall asleep alone as well. Meals are always taken together and whilst Kurapika won't really allow his kids to go to the city, he at least takes them out and introduces them to nature.

Eren Yeager

👊The man secretly has a wish to start a small family with his darling yet he waits for years until he starts mentioning it to his darling. First of all he has to ensure peace and safety, that you're his and a marriage with a somewhat good relationship between you two. If he sets a child, his child, into this world, he wants to guarantee that​ they have a happy and good life where they will never have to experience any of the hardships his friends and him had to go through when they were younger. His stoic mask crumbles when he hears that his darling is pregnant and similar to Kurapika, his behavior only worsens during pregnancy and reaches it's peak during the first few months after you've given birth to your precious child. Eren has a second emotional breakdown though the moment you two finally meet your little son after months of him being aggressive around everyone who got too close to you, except Armin and Mikasa that is. He can't help the tears that spill out when the little one opens his eyes and his green-greyish eyes meet Eren's.

👊​Armin and Mikasa are more overbearing as well after you've given birth as if Eren's behavior is infectious. Understand though, they know how much you and your son Leo mean to Eren and they're quite a bit attached to you and the little bundle of joy as well. Eren is quite a bit aggressive and hostile to everyone who isn't one of his childhood friends though he is able to trust some of his other friends and comrades enough though they are pretts soon shooed away from him as soon as he loses patience or the baby starts crying. The young father wants a lot of time alone with you two though to cherish the small family he has now. Mellows out with his emotions as he is simply in awe with Leo and how something so tiny and soft could exist in his life that has known violence and rage for so many years now. His darling catches him fairly often just hovering over the crib, watching his son sleeping or playing a bit around with him. Somehow the motion of his son grabbing one of his fingers with his tiny hands always has his heart swelling with warmth.

👊​Sometimes he is a bit overwhelmed with the cries of the baby and the burden of fatherhood but he can't bring himself to leave his s/o and his child alone, it hurts. Armin an Mikasa usually volunteer to take care of the child if you two are tired though they need a bit of time to convince both you, a worried parent, and Eren, a cautious and overprotective father. Eventually you agree and talk Eren into giving in as well since both of you need a little rest from time to time as well. Both of you can't do that for too long though, parental instincts kick in after a while with both of you feeling a bit uneasy to not be with Leo, Eren is especially tense and even you can't soothe him forever. Sort of worried to hold his son at first but a few seconds after you've helped him to hold the little boy, he just melts. Has a fond and adoring look in his eyes when you three are alone, often tells you how much he loves you and how gratful he is to have you, mentions how your son has his eyes but your smile and facial features.

👊​Careful with his son when he is in a city, usually never lets Leo and you leave his sight at all. Eren isn't really fond of being under too many people, especially if they pay unnecessary attention to his darling and their child because of his reputation and status. Gives everyone who makes either one of you uncomfortable a really frightening glare. It becomes within the first year evident that your son has a love for nature and as soon as he is old enough to walk and recognize the world around him fully, he constantly wants to go outside. Both of you don't really mind, as long as Eren can keep an eye on Leo though. There is this joy to watch his son discover the world and all it's wonders though and Eren just knows that he'll do everything to make sure that his child never has to see the cruel aspect of the world. Leo is a huge animal fan as well so as soon as he knows that there is a farm with cows/sheep/horses nearby, he wants to go there multiple times a week to watch them, pet them and even asks the owner if he can ride a horse.

👊​Wants a pet and constantly begs you two for it yet Eren refuses initially since he thinks that his son is too young. On his 8th birthday he finally caves in though and you two surprise Leo by actually getting him a dog. A small one though, Eren won't let any big dog live in the same house as his child and risk any accidents, because of playful nature or not. Leo names her Daisy and even if Eren is initially a bit sceptical and maybe even a bit jealous if a dog should get more attention from you and his son than him, he grows to like her as well. The boy is around his father a lot though and both share a close bond, dog or not. Eren gives his son piggy backs, shoulder rides or lifts him up in the air when he asks since his father is so tall and as soon as your son has discovered something interesting, he always grabs you two by your hands and tries to drag you away to show you. God forbid if someone treats his child and spouse bad though because Eren will absolutely seethe with anger.

[movedtodykedvonte]

Do you have any headcanons or opinions on "mysterious caller"?

Of course I do! Some of these are generic and others are more speculative than concrete

The mysterious caller has to be a lightener in my eyes. How would they show Spamton heaven, which looks like our world otherwise?

That are they are a being between or outside lightener or darkener understanding. I like this better cause it adds dread for the fun gang as well

They can manifest in the dark worlds but usually only with the the person they have contact with. It’s kinda how the soul possesses Kris (hence the static Spamton does at times)

They don’t possess him a lot cause he’s failed but they do step in to keep him quiet about their plans/identity

Can warp darkeners by corruption. It turns them into the worst reflection of themself and mental state. It’s reversible in the early stages

I like the idea it’s the same entity that fucked with Jevil but under a different identity. Hence why I don’t think it’s Mike or Tenna cause Spamton knows them/what they were selling

Again, they kinda just give their vessels or chosen trauma victims Apollos gift of foresight. Spamton knew what pitches would land but not exactly why, hence why he failed after it was gone

Jevil saw nothing and no way to change it and felt hopeless just being a thing existing for another so he chose the freedom of existing for himself

What the caller sold to Spamton was vague concepts to keep him confused and wrapped around the cords. Spamton never got it and Jevil misinterpreted it

They aren’t exactly malicious but they have little care for how things are affected if it’s all for the benefit of their own goals

They left cause Spamton wanted to know too much and telling him outright would have broke him faster. Also, purposely isolated Spam as they only work one on one, case study type asshole

Not evil but a bastard. They make the phone ring because they want Spamton to understand they are always listening

My personal take is they don’t control the strings, more the strings are Spamton’s code, the phone gave him the ability to see. Obviously knowing the entire world is preconditioned and nothing you do matters got to Spamton and he desperately wanted to be autonomous like a lightener/the caller. When he reached too far the caller effectively punished him by making his mental state be reflected on his body and voice, giving Spamton the physical sense he was a puppet as well despite still allowing him to physically do as he pleased. It fucked with the poor guy immensely and kept him from messing with their plans.

[autisticandroids]

here is that “the world of supernatural is tiny” post i’ve been promising

the thing about supernatural, the thing at the core of a lot of our collective frustrations with supernatural, stuff like side character culls, what-if-there-was-an-even-bigger-gunism, the lack of institutions and governments and interpersonal politics, the nonsense worldbuilding, the fossilization of the brothers’ relationship, all of that, is that the world of supernatural is incredibly small. like it really is just... two brothers against the rest of the world, or eventually team free will against the rest of the world. 

and this is in every aspect of it.  this is why the side characters must be culled, obviously, and not just culled: it’s why the side characters never ever get the focus they should, why an episode told from bobby’s point of view is as weird and unique as the fucking episode told from the car’s point of view, why the side characters almost never become meaningfully part of the narrative. and the culling/squashing of the side characters is why the brothers can never develop: the only meaningful relationship they’re allowed to have long enough for it to grow and change is with each other, and eveeeeentually cas, and eventually eventually jack, but mostly just each other. if they were allowed to have more meaningful relationships with the outside world, they wouldn’t have to turn to each other for everything and ultimately fail, or take out all of their problems on each other.

this is why the solution to the problem of the season is always an even bigger gun: it can’t be building a bigger army, nor can it be diplomacy, because both of those require opening the world slightly to outsiders. it needs to be a weapon wieldable by a single person that they can use to destroy the enemy, or, at best, quid pro quo a deal made with one very powerful ally who can singlehandedly destroy the enemy.

this is why there are no governments or institutions, and no truly ambiguous parties: every powerful force is, in the end, a single person, or an organization with a single all-powerful charismatic leader. there are no organizations with organizational interpersonal politics. like, do we know the names of any of crowley’s underlings’ names? NO! why the fuck don’t we, he’s supposed to be the king of bureaucrats, mr. organizational. but nope! he’s just a despot like everyone else. do we know any of naomi’s underlings’ names before she fakes her death? raphael’s in season six? abaddon’s? fucking...... who else, every other big bad i can think of is just crowley. i digress. anyway in the end it’s always just one big scary guy with a big scary power, and sometimes that power is “an army” but that’s just. a superpower. it’s exactly like having a big raygun.

and like this is one of the reasons why the worldbuilding on spn is so nonsensical like. on top of the normal bad tv scifi reasons. it’s because nothing on spn exists in a society, everything exists in atomized isolation because the world can only include one thing which isn’t the winchesters at a time. there is no such thing as a wider world on spn.

and like here’s the thing. here’s the thing. there are good things about spn’s tiny, closed world. in particular, it allows really a lot of tight character focus on the protagonists and their closest relationship(s). like, if the world of supernatural was bigger from the start, would dean winchester still be the most compelling, most tragic character on television to me? i don’t think so. he wouldn’t have the depth.

but the thing is, you can have both. supernatural could have started in a tiny, closed world which slowly opened and blossomed to include both a larger universe and an ensemble cast. it almost did, but then it lost its way.

like, the first two seasons of spn are an intensely personal story, all about a family and its trauma. and all about the brothers, and their father. then the third season is about the fallout from the conclusion of that story, still personal, still all about the brothers. 

but then season four comes along. the story is no longer quite so personal. now it’s about saving the world. it’s about heaven and hell. and along with that, the cast opens up, too. ruby and cas become main-ish characters. this is exactly the right direction to be going in, a natural progression towards a bigger world and a larger cast. bobby, too, becomes a main-ish character, though he was already headed there in s3, and he doesn’t get the screentime of ruby or cas.

then, season five: we start to wobble. the world continues opening up: we’re still at a global scale, but now the supernatural is having an effect on wider society. in season four, we were preventing the apocalypse, but no one was seeing it but us, and maybe a few small towns. now there are demon omens on the news. but the cast is stuck again. ruby is dead. bobby does have a slightly increasing role, which is good. cas is there, but he’s also less of a character and more of a useful tool. and no one new is added. in fact, two of the people who it would be most natural to add to the cast - ellen and jo - are killed off for shock value. 

but then we really go down hill in six and especially seven. the world continues to open: six is about the fallout of five, a concept which i love! you can’t have an institutional war machine like heaven thwarted in its billion year purpose without a bit of fallout. conceptually, that’s wonderful! that’s why i have a good season six au. but by execution, it’s a mess, because the world of supernatural is actively shrinking again. in order to do the premise of season six well, your world needs to have a society in it, and season six can’t manage that. like, it should have been an exploration of the supernatural world with a sociological bent; a look at how averting the apocalypse, eve, social unrest in heaven, affected the paranormal parasocieties of spn. but it couldn’t manage that.

worse, the cast is also shrinking. cas isn’t around much anymore, lisa is there but she doesn’t really get to be a person, more just the idea of a wife, and side characters are dropping like flies. they killed off rufus for no reason!

then in seven it’s even worse! because the world is still opening! the supernatural world is finally crashing into ordinary society in earnest. godstiel killed homophobic pastors! he etched his own face in stained glass! he actively went around interfering in normal society! and then the leviathans came along and totally broke down the supernatural/normal distinction. they use ordinary societal channels to acquire their power! they’re politicians and corporate executives! they put their poison in the corn syrup! 

but in terms of felt sense it’s closing. the winchesters are not living in the society that’s being attacked, they are totally outside it, alone in the world. isolated. and the leviathans are still defeated by shooting their leader with an even bigger gun!

and here’s the thing: this still could have eventually built towards something, a larger universe for supernatural. with sera gamble and her side character murderboner out, season eight could have dealt with the fallout from seven in a way that kept the universe big and built the cast back up. instead, jeremy carver gave us kevin tran only to kill him a season and a half later, and decided to just completely drop all of sera gamble’s new worldbuilding, which in the case of season six is kind of understandable, since she made a total hash of heaven, but in the case of the leviathans is deeply, deeply frustrating. like, where was the fallout from that! did it change society at all? the answer, it appears, is no.

after this, the world of supernatural is fairly static. it’s neither opening nor closing. heaven and hell are constant forces, occasionally there are other threats, but everything stays basically the same in the carver era, and the dabb era too even though dabb made a few strides towards increasing the size of the cast with mary and jack.

but yeah. basically the universe of supernatural is tiny, and that’s why it’s frustrating. once again we come back to the basic problem of supernatural being that it simply is not star trek.

[dornish-queen]

GQ MEXICO - PEDRO PASCAL 2021

It seems that Pedro Pascal is in all possible universes. Here and there. In the past, in the present, and in galaxies far, far away. Today, the actor is considered the great entertainment reference and one of those in charge of saving a franchise that seemed lost. Enough reasons to talk exclusively about discipline, gastronomy, creeds and how he traumatized his father in 30 seconds.

The RAE defines 'creed' as the set of ideas, principles or convictions of a person or a group. For example, by creed, one can leave his country and be in exile. It happens that one can leave the loved one behind. Or simply live in another reality. And also one can put on a helmet to pretend never to take it off again. If that is the path to follow, the creed says that it must be done with the profession of faith and without stopping to look. Turning the pages of the script for The Mandalorian , the Disney + series that revived passion and nostalgia for the Star Wars franchise , Pedro Pascal came across this definition in every dialogue and moment, and reflection carved his way.

More than two decades have passed since the Chilean-American, Pedro Pascal, began his acting career and today, named as the great reference of 2020 , he misses the theater and it still hurts him not to have the discipline to exercise and maintain a diet sana while acknowledging the irony of having the best year of her career in the midst of one of the worst in recent history. But even in physical solitude, the man who carried the best-selling Christmas baby rescues many positive things and shares his vision of the universes he has traveled through, his passion for distant galaxies and how to traumatize your family with a simple scene of TV. In an interview, the Mandalorian of Latinamerica.

IMDB named you the 2020 benchmark in entertainment, a year in which the world took refuge in fiction. How was living your best time locked up and what do you rescue on a human level from it?

The strength of family relationships and friendship. For them, we endure this physical loneliness. I do find it ironic that in 2020 I received projects so well received by the public, although they were carried out before the pandemic and their impact was during it, and that year I was isolated and alone. But I must emphasize that this loneliness is a privilege when many people had to continue working, surviving and maintaining the functioning of the world. We only had to be alone, but they more than that and you must value it too.

Among the activities you have missed, how much do you miss the theater?

Much indeed. It's something that I miss the most and being with people without being afraid. See a play and return to those experiences of being with people doing and living things in common. That is what I need most, in addition to my loved ones.

Disney fully entered streaming and its strong letter has your face, what do you think of the discussion of platforms against movie theaters?

There are incredible things in streaming and many people develop great projects that they did not have access to before. The diversity of voices is gaining ground and it is important to recognize that opportunities grow exponentially and boundaries change. It is incredible the availability that we have to very well made content and how creative people can share their work in different ways. But I also want to be honest: limiting the experience of watching content only on our gadgets or at home is a mistake that affects the stories we can tell. You have to achieve a mix of opportunities and challenges.

You jump between the fictional universes that mark the last decades until you reach the universe of universes. What is your first Star Wars memory and how do you summarize the essence of this legendary story?

For me, Star Wars is nostalgia itself. It is one of the primary things in my memory, of my childhood. I came to the United States with my Chilean family when I was less than two years old and one of my first memories is going to the movies with my dad to see the saga ; it becomes one of those romantic childhood things that opens your mind, so imagine how special it is to participate in this project. I think the creators of The Mandalorian perfectly understand this nostalgia and that power, and they managed to count on that element as a great ally for the world of Star Wars and I couldn't be happier to be part of it. (From which we expect the third season The Mandalorian)

The Mandalorian exploits the power and nuances of your voice, did you have that letter on your resume?

I didn't know I could do it, but I resorted to my theater preparation, which was very physical on all levels and feelings. There are elements that have to do with and that are essential to create a role, and they teach you that the voice is something primary, something you have to start with and you cannot hide. Now I have learned much more about the importance of that, and how to use it economically. The body also has to do with that, because something very subtle communicates something. In The Mandalorian , I had a great time figuring out how to do it, they gave me the opportunity to develop it in different ways. The opportunity to be very intense at it.

What happens to the ego when someone works under a suit and a mask?

In the conversations about the project, before doing it, we were communicated the idea and the concept of the entire season , so I clearly understood what it was. I wanted it to be the most powerful version of what they were trying to accomplish, so there was no point in involving my ego, you know? It was already very clear what the project meant, so I knew about the character , the piece that it represented for him and the opportunity that it was for me, so I was only focused on executing in a better way the part that touched me in everything this. In the theater, I worked several times under a mask and it helped me develop the experience.

It seems that The Mandalorian has a very theatrical base ...

Exactly, and thanks to the physical experience of working in theater, doing a play a few times a week, discovering how your body and your voice communicate , being part of a whole image, and how you will tell that story visually, I achieved this character. I never imagined that it would be something I would have to use on such an important Star Wars project .

On the list of entertainment greats, there are names like Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, do you think John Favreau should be added to the list?

I think your name is already included. Without a doubt, it is in that category and it is incredible. His vision fascinates me. I remember an episode in the second season , and I had some boots and I walked so much in the snow, it stuck to them. He figured it out, so he talked to the art department about the kind of boots you need when you're out in the snow. They approached me and gave me new ones that fulfilled the idea I was looking for. He noticed it in an instant. It is such a wonderful detail and it is repeated to scale in every session with him. He thinks of absolutely everything and his vision of the use of technology is admirable. He is someone who makes you feel motivated and always sees how to achieve the goal.

One of the reflections in the series is on how and under what circumstances a man can break his creed and way of life. What makes you break with your beliefs?

I think that you must follow your heart so as not to regret anything; Although sometimes it brings pain or conflict, deep down when you look back, everything is worth it because it was what you heard in your heart. I am very afraid to deny that feeling or not to attend to it. I am 45 years old now and I cannot believe I have a finer philosophy. Make it more disciplined. It's ridiculous, but I'm trying to accept that I am and it's all I can say, "follow your heart." Although, you know, I'm not on a good diet yet, I still have trouble sleeping or exercising.

Still good at Chilean empanadas?

Yes, I couldn't stop. And also how good that I do not live in Mexico City because I would only spend it eating. I could move my whole life to defe just to eat.

I want to deviate and ask you, with whom did you see the chapter of your death in Game of Thrones and what traumas did you cause in your family?

For me, no trauma. I separate myself well from the characters , although I fully understand that if I were a Game of Thrones audience and loved that character, it would make an incredible impression on me. Thank you that it was not. I had to interpret it and there was a model of my head to be crushed that way with the tubes and the fake blood, you know? Me lying there, with pieces of my meat, it was funny in the end. But not for my family. For them there is nothing funny but traumatic. My dad's voice changed completely when we saw the episode, he turned around and said: “I didn't like it, Pedro . No, Pedro , not this ”.

The media found similarities between your villain in Wonder Woman: 1984 and Donald Trump. When playing a character with characteristics like this, do you humanize him or do you understand him?

The project had nothing to do with the former president. They always told me that my character in Wonder Woman: 1984 was emotionally messy, and I took that and took that as far as possible. Instead of creating it with images or certain inspirations from life, it was more to work with what was on the page. Personally, what made sense to me is the size of the story that is being told and there is always more, and we all want more. Creatively, if this makes sense, that meant "blowing her out of the park." Connect a hit with the character and be committed to telling his story faithfully, in a way that was true to me. So all the exterior elements found their way.

What a way to start 2021 with the theme of the Capitol ... How do you perceive that moment?

I am not a politician and it is not that I do not have an opinion about this type of event; however, it is not necessary to state the obvious. My opinion would be very simple compared to that of a person who studied this, who knows how to act in these kinds of scenarios; I believe that I am next to the majority who experienced this, which is the logical result of what we have experienced during these years and we are all horrified . It was distressing to see this violence.

If you had the monolith in your hands, what would your wish be?

My wish would be… it's impossible, really (laughs). I think it is to be together again, with less fear and that people have the opportunity to connect.

What is your position on the reality that Chile has experienced in recent years and how has the relationship with your country been since exile?

It is something that I am developing and I continue to do in my life, trying to understand that it is my home. To be in Chile is to be at home, but my life has been very nomadic, living different things and having many influences; so it is strange, I do not feel with the title of a complete Chilean identity nor with an American one.

Neither here nor there?

In a sense, but I'm also completely both. My parents are Chilean , my brothers were born there before my parents traveled, and I came back sometimes because my family is very large; in fact, my parents came back. It has always been there, it continues to develop, and it will be a part of me. I don't know if it answers your question, but it has a lot to do with who I am.

What is your relationship with Latin American cinema? Are you interested?

Much, it has invaded me in life like American cinema. The movies that I carry in my heart, seeing something like Y tu mama was also something that changed me; I also love the work that comes out of Chile , and the only thing I can say is that it is a cinema that needs more access and projects.

Today you have a comedy with Nicolas Cage on the door, can you tell us something?

It's my first shot at comedy , as a complete story within the genre. Speaking of American influences , in the 80s I saw all the films where Nicolas Cage appeared , he came into my life and it's great to be his partner after seeing all his performances.

How is the relationship you have with the comedy genre?

I love it, I have done a lot of comedy in the theater, what happens is that in film and television issues , I was always part of drama castings . And in the cinema, you go where the doors open; Although I identify with one or the other, I think that being an actor , one goes and does what one has to do. Comedy is something unique, it is very challenging because it must be very real to be funny, you cannot hide or use normal tricks. I was very excited to have this challenge in front of a camera.

Finally, Pedro, after going through so many fictional worlds, literally, what do you dream about when you sleep?

I dream that my bathroom is dirty, that I haven't done my math homework, that the oven is on and all that stuff. Sure, there are times when I close my eyes and see myself in all these projects , although my conscience is with the anxieties of the day that you can imagine.

Without a doubt, Pedro Pascal is a particular type .

English Tranlation: Google Translate

SOURCE:  GQ MEXICO

[yiqiie]

wangxian fic rec list pt.2

you can find part one here!

as usual, this will be kept under a keep reading so it doesn’t clog up the dashboard. i actually reblogged my original post and added to it then accidentally deleted it but i have a crap ton more recommendations anyway! there’s a lot of angst in this list because apparently i love putting my heart through a meat grinder 

there are some heavy fics included this time, but i really wanted to include some that explored the issue of mental health and recovery, especially in these difficult times, so make sure you look out for the TW if those fics aren’t your cup of tea 

since tumblr’s new update prevents posts with links from appearing in the tags, i would really appreciate if people could reblog so anyone who needs a fic rec can see this! 

notion summary page: here (i only put my favourites in this tumblr list, so if you would like even more recommendations, please read the notion summary for basically all of my bookmarks on ao3) 

something to make your heart ache

tempo rubato by @spodumene 

angst, fluff, smut, multi-chaptered, modern au 

guys when i say this fic changed my life i really mean it i think i binged it all within a single night and luckily the last chapter came out the next day and i literally was beside myself with excitement; it is heartbreaking and so beautifully written, i keep going back to read it again and again it’s just THAT good 

complementarity by @besanii​

angst, fluff, multi-chaptered, cql au

i’ve always been a fan of beth’s works (if anyone wants to screech with me about her shattered mirror’s fic I AM HERE) but this was so much angst i literally felt my heart cave in on itself like it was actually painful holy shit she is such a compelling writer and this is one of my favourites even though it HURTS ME 

and here comes the summertime by ribena 

angst, fluff, multi-chaptered, modern au 

LWJ PLS USE YOUR WORDS FOR ONCE this is peak lwj being a dumbass guys i really can’t with this boy but this is such a cute fic of wangxian falling in love and you can really see how they genuinely go from being two people who have no chance of being anything to SOULMATES 

总有一天; a place to hide (can’t find one near) by yiqie 

angst, trauma, modern au, trigger warning: suicide 

this fic rec is gonna kick off some of our heavier recs for the list; yiqie is definitely one of my favourite ao3 writers and i am really excited for the next update of this fic, it deals with some really important mental health topics and it doesn’t shy away from the reality of how scary things can be. i’ve personally been thinking a lot more about mental health in general during my time in isolation and it’s gotten me to reflect more on my own wellbeing as well. this is beautifully written, and obviously it’s not going to encapsulate everyone’s personal experience but i think it’s a great step in recognising that mental health is real and something we should be looking out for

there’s no promised goodbye here by @yuisakii​

angst, fluff, trauma, modern au, trigger warning: mental health

i saw this fic on twt and i thought it was gonna be a short cute wholesome fic about wangxian being broken up but not really bc wwx is dumb BUT this turned out to be so much more and i’m so appreciative; it portrays not a perfect relationship but one that is under the works and one that will undoubtedly require much more work in the future but it’s reality and it’s true and i think that makes it beautiful, there are discussions of mental health and how that affects relationships and how people learn to put themselves back together again with love and support and i think that’s the best part of this fic 

take yourself home by ribena 

angst, fluff, trauma, multi-chaptered, modern au, trigger warning: suicidal ideation 

this was a surprising fic i didn’t expect it to be as heavy as it was but it was beautifully handled and it’s so important to me to see mental health depicted in different ways; everyone deals with their problems in a different way and someone is struggling could seem objectively like they’re doing okay and i think it’s great that there’s a fic that recognises that, this also gives a little spotlight on the things that people use to try and cope with their wellbeing, it could be the smallest thing but a lot of the time that’s all it takes 

some things go forward by everythingispoetry 

angst, fluff, trauma, multi-chaptered, modern au, trigger warning: medical recovery 

this is a little lighter but i think this is one of the most important; the journey to recovery from any medical condition isn’t something to be taken lightly and i think this fic deals with almost everything that it will encapsulate, it’s a beautiful story that deals with the ups and downs of medical recovery and how you really need to learn to forgive yourself for maybe not being able to do everything you previously wanted to, it’s a hopeful story which is also so important because there is always hope for you no matter what 

something to soothe your heart 

you’ve ruined my life (by not being mine) by @nothing-but-color  

fluff, light angst, smut, multi-chaptered, modern au

guys this fic is so beautiful omfg it’s so CUTE and i think it really nails some of the characterisation it really sets up their relationship so well and it delves into some other issues of wangxian’s parents being uh not great parents lmfao but it’s just cute and wholesome and wangxian discovering the joy of being in a relationship 

this river runs to you by sundiscus 

fluff, light angst, yearning, modern au 

DRAGONS AND MAGIC GUYS HOLY SHIT this was a fic i just sat down and binged in like probably an hour and it’s SO GOOD, the plot, the characterisation, the amount of thought and care that went into developing this was so good and it’s beautiful guys truly a wonderful fic 

heliotrope (eternal love) by avenqelic 

fluff, light angst, modern au 

flowers and their meanings need i say more???? this was so wholesome and wwx is such a dumbass but we love him for it and there’s so much yearning and pining in this it’s almost angst but it’s not bc there’s so much SOFT content in this we love it 

lay us down (we’re in love) by mme_anxious 

fluff, modern au 

guys this is just a short wholesome cute fic to soothe your heart from all the angst i’ve put in this list IT’S PERFECT domestic wangxian will always trump everything as much as i love putting my heart through the works and this is just pEAK wangxian content 

it’s you, it was always you by myung 

fluff, light angst, cql au

guys wwx is such a dumbass but he’s a bby and we love him and this was such cute wholesome barely there angst content AND THE PINING wangxian are so dumb but we love them for it this was just something to truly soothe my heart as the heading suggests so yes pls read this after all the angst 

with absolute splendour by @veliseraptor​

fluff, light angst, yunmeng bros, cql au 

THIS IS THE FIC I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WAITING FOR guys jc being an angry grape wanting to plan shijie’s and wwx’s wedding is genuinely the content i have always wanted and i’m always so sad that there’s like barely any of it but this fic captures it PERFECTLY and it’s the yunmeng reconciliation i have been praying for 

the dragon’s bride by jaws_3 

fluff, light angst, light smut, beauty and the beast au 

lwj bby you need to learn to use your words bc then THIS HAPPENS but guys this was such a cool take on beauty and the beast au and it’s pretty spectacular wangxian are DOMESTIC HUSBANDS before they are even husbands but the writing was breathtakingly good so yes pls read this 

anyway, here’s wuji by @kakikaeru 

fluff, light angst, post-cql, focus on lan jingyi 

okay this is more background wangxian BUT THIS FIC IS SO GOOD, the next one in the series (focussing on jin ling) is also spectacular so pls read them both, but guys LAN JINGYI BEST BOY and he’s in love omfg wangxian being overprotective adorable husbands looking after all their children is just what we LIVE for 

something to make you laugh 

i get religion real quick 'cause you're looking so divine by so_shyy

fluff, humour, modern au

guys wangxian being a chaotic mess but wwx being even more of a pining dumbass bc of hospital drugs is PERFECT i have probably read every single version of the cliche ‘husband waking up stoned after surgery’ but guys it’s so much wholesome content and amazing in every single way 

life, drama and action by akai__hana

fluff, social media, modern au 

whenever i have an angsty fic that makes my heart go eek i reach for this fic bc it’s a reminder that WANGXIAN IS HAPPILY MARRIED WITH A SUN THANK YOU and they are living their best lives as husbands in every life so this is just so cute short and wholesome we LIVE for this content 

besieged by @ariaste 

fluff, light smut, humour, post-cql 

another fic for reaffirmation that wangxian are being overprotective husbands and our bby a-yuan is not really a baby anymore and it’s just so DOMESTIC and such good content and we really love every single reminder that wangxian are just happy and together and they’re SOULMATES okay 

worth the entire universe and more by @xiellian​

fluff, humour, modern au

this was fcking hilarious guys i read it right after one of my angsts and it’s just SO WHOLESOME wwx you’re so dumb we love you so much but you’re truly dumb also lwj bby pls use your words this was such a cute concept and just a pinch of domestic wangxian i needed in my day 

a quest (for kisses) by @xiellian​

fluff, humour, post-cql 

ANOTHER DOMESTIC WANGXIAN FIC guys i can literally picture this happening bc wangxian are insufferable and are hellbent on letting the whole entire world know they are IN LOVE and that they ARE SOULMATES and we forgive them bc they ARE