#theres so many things i have happening and i look them up and its like ''reduce stress :)'' THANKS I WISH I COULD
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Ăhm. So this has gotten a wider reach than I thought! It does feel good to read the notes and to know none of us are alone in this moment what the actual fuck is happening.
Have an update. Because new things have happened and because in my attempt to keep it as a brief overview I skipped over. Like. A lot.
The tldr version:
There are two different votes, one to dissolve Parlament, one to elect Parlament. Theres a lot of discussion about that. It's the vote of no confidence that Merz is calling for to be next week, not an election!
Currently we don't have a majority in the goverment to, well, govern. Some ministers have two ministries to look after now. The guy who just got kicked from his job is already loudly proclaiming he wants to be finance minister again in the next coalition. Insanity all around.
The long version:
Let's start with something that made me laugh to keep the mood from being so doom-y yes?
You are so correct I love to know that thank you very much.
Now to clear up a little misunderstanding in the notes:
There's two different votes:
A vote of no confidence
An election
Those are two different things with two different time frames. In my attempt to keep it brief I think I scrapped one paragraph too many.
What Merz, the CDU guy that is a human being that forgot its soul somewhere on the way, has called for to happen next week is the vote of no confidence. Not the election itself. The vote of no confidence would dissolve Parlament if Scholz, the current chancellor, loses it, which it's pretty sure that he would. According to our Constitution after the dissolvement of Parlament, they 60 days to hold an election. Ppl responsible for that have already said "I mean this is our job yeah we can do that". Scholz wants that vote to happen in January, to hold the election in march.
Now that we got that out of the way, let's return to the insanity shall we?
Yes I understand completely but there's more:
So you remember how I said this is a messy divorce? The FDP has kept most of their children (the ministers, besides the one drama bitch that jumped ship)(yes the FDP didn't even manage a collective walkout why do you ask) but that left the seats open and the coalition needs to fill them. Which has resulted in a mud feast of accusations about how the coalition is putting up there friends in those seats to get them money and pensions and there have been calls to stop all promotions.
Well I don't know if you know that but you do need ministers to keep your goverment functioning.
Which is way there are now a couple ministers, including the one of the FDP that jumped ship, hold two ministries. The swearing of the new ones was so hasty that a couple ministers didn't make it and had their secretaries (I sure hope thats the right translation of the job lol) be their instead as a witness.
Now we have different problem besides that nobody knows what's going on or can agree on what's supposed to happen. Our current government is a minority goverment. Which is why Merz, you remember, the corpse of a human being that somehow convinced everybody that he's technically alive and should be given money for it, yes I am biased is that obvious, has called for the vote of no confidence to be called next week. So the elections could happen mid January instead of mid march.
Now. Let's break that down. What happens after a vote of no confidence?
Well if he loses Parlament will dissolve. Great time right now to not have a functioning goverment right?
Yeah. That. So everybody is split everybody is yelling over each other, there have been already two closed door meetings, one between the CDU and SPD (current chancellor's party), and there has been no agreement on any front. So it's currently a 'waiting with baited breath on what the fuck is going to happen'. Will we have a functioning goverment tmw?
Who knows! Not us!
Well i hope we will and I hope they get their shit together and agree on something because let me tell you I am not made for this kinda stress.
Best summed up like this:
I am so sorry btw for everyone that put their phone aside to escape the America election meltdown just to come back and find the German government meltdown.
Now we go backt to where it all started. Recently fired ex-finance minister Lindner. Yeah that bitch.
He is already making noise about how he's gonna be the candidate of his party in the upcoming election and that he's ready finance minister again.
Like bitch. Or son of a bitch in this case. Take a hint. You just got fired.
Let me just remind you that it hasn't even been 24h since Scholz kicked Lindner and the FDP out. All of this. Happend in under 24 hours.
Okay alright sorry for all the sudden German politics influx but lemme explain what happened so far and why Germans are losing it a bit:
The tldr? Our government is getting a divorce and it's turning messy with elections being called early and now being called even earlier.
The longer version?
Okay so, groundwork first:
in Germany there is a coalition currently in power called the Ampel(traffic lights) bc the colours of the party are red, yellow and green (or not anymore or for much longer??). They're centrist slightly more left leaning than right leaning. (You could argue about that I am aware). There has been infighting for as long as this coalition has been going on. It is also the first three party coalition since y know, the Last Time.
So. Enough groundwork. The yellow party (FDP) has a finance minister (Christiane Lindner) it's this guy
You will see him in memes I am sure. We don't like him. He's an asshole and has blocked every meaningful change that the coalition had been trying to accomplish. He also got his finance plan blocked by our highest court because parts were against our Constitution.
(.... I am oversimplifying hard here it's actually more complicated than that and not fully his fault, but it's also not the focus)
What WAS the fault though of him and the FDP was that they had a strong position of "saving money at all costs" which made bigger and bigger rifts with the two other coalition partners who were more leaftleaning. The war in Ukraine, Infrastructure, climate change - there were many places that needed more money and Lidner was like naaahhhhh for no fucking reason other than "oh we need to save money!!"
Long story short there have been arguing all the fucking time and therefore have started to lose approval. Drastically lose approval. As on for the first time since the Last Time there is a far right party in charge for part of the country that is also being investigated for being Nazis. (Oversimplifying again).
Which is. Worrying. You know. Especially with Trump now being elected. It has us all a little skittish.
The finance minister has also now been fired.
You see. We were all still trying to stomach Trump winning the US election, when Scholz, in the same fucking evening, fired Lindner.
And not in a polite way. Nah. Olaf fucking Scholz our Chancellor, notorious for saying literally nothing, and with a running joke that he regularly stops existing bc that man Does Not Take Stances, a spine of wet cardboard, delivered this yesterday evening:
(English subtitles by me you already got this far watch it I spent too much time on this lol)
And it is insane alright. For his standards and German politic standards thats the equivalent of calling Lindner a egomaniacal bitch that has only his self interest at heart and can not be trusted.
Lindner and his party have been pulverised in all recent elections. Which means that after he was fired, the FDP completely withdrew from the coalition and all minister from the FDP resigned.
....well all but one who apparently stayed in his positions because he's leaving the FDP over this. What sort of shitty backstabbing kindergarten fight is this. (Jokes aside hes the minister of transportation and says he needs to stay in office in important projects. Which. True. Having minister resigning en mass is not good)
Alright cool cool cool cool. Current situation yesterday is the following:
So. Trump is president. Fuck.
Lindner got fired! Yaaay!
Wait my goverment is now also falling apart! Fuck.
Which all lead to new elections being called in Germany.
Mind you, that's not usual ok. I know other countries have systems where they can call an election whenever but that is not a thing that normally happens here. We have a schedule alright. (Insert obligatory "Germans and their plans and structure" joke)
So new elections are called for spring, nearly a year early. Cool cool cool. With a right wing rising in Germany and deeply unpopular current leadership. On the eve of motherfucking trump getting elected.
Habeck, leader of the green party and one of the few policians in germany I think is vaguely liked by ppl (the general attitude in German politics is less "I like this guy" and more "you are the least shitty choice I guess") has appearently also nearly started crying after the news broke. So. Yeah.
Now. Let's make this shitshow complete,alright?
There is this party. CDU. They had been in charge for a very long time in Germany. Centrist, right leaning, with the afd on the rising even more right leaning than before. Their current leader is Friedrich Merz, as unpleasant as human beings can go.
He has now called for the new election to be not in a few months but like. To be called next week.
In the current climate.
So yeah. if you're German mutuals and friends are currently going through their own stages of grief - this is why.
#german politics#christian lindner#olaf scholz#wahlen#german elections#german stuff#the general insanity that is gripping us all
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You have been invited to the Fairytale Soiree! â§âË â
.đ„
Angelâs 100+ followers event!
a/n: Hi hi everyone! Iâd like to thank everyone so, so so very much for 160 followers!! When I first started this blog about a month ago, I genuinely did NOT expect to get this much love and attention. It was such a surprise, but Iâm so very thankful nonetheless! During my short time running this blog I have met so many wonderful, talented, charming, amazing people, and I appreciate all of you so much! Thank you once again for supporting me until now! âĄ
Story:
Every 100 years, a group of fae gather together to host a grand party to celebrate the beginning of a new century. And tonight, once the clock hits 12 it will be the genesis of a new era once more. The stars seemed to shine brighter than usual on this evening, and magic swirled around as the faeries gathered to sing, dance, feast and party the night away.
But of course, there was one more thing they had to do. Every Soiree, the three hosting faeries summon a group of humans, beastmen and merfolk alike to join them on this joyous occasion! Once every one hundered years, it truly would be a waste not to share the joys of tonight.
It just so happened that this time, a group of students seem to be the ones that were chosen! Waking up in an unfamiliar palace-like building, lush with gorgeous flora and hues of pinks, blues and purples. Although skeptical at first, they soon joined the fae with their grand soiree.
That was, until they swiftly picked out Kyra from the crowd. Declaring her as the âDreamer of Tonightâ. They explained, that at the end of every soiree, just before the clock hits 12, all of the fae come together to grant one wish. Whether it be riches that overflow into mountains of gold, power beyond imagination, or knowledge of the unknownâ whatever it is, they grant it. And it may even shape the course of the next century.
Kyra pondered this for a moment, sitting upon an elegant throne-like chair as she looked at the faces of all her friends. She frowned, and the faeries were curious. That was until she asked,
âCould I share my wish with my friends?â
Taken aback, the faeries asked why she wanted to do such a thing.
âWell⊠It just seems kind of unfair. They all deserve to have their wishes granted, too.â
An air of silence filled the room. Only to be broken by a rampaging laughter from all of the fae. They laughed, and laughed, until tears prickled in the corners of their eyes. No one had ever asked for something so ridiculous. The very first time anyone had asked for such a thing!
Amused, the fae agreed to let her share the wishâ but with only one person. Now, its up to the rest of the group to decide whether they want to convince Kyra to share the wish with her, or simply just enjoy the party. But they better hurry up, because the clock is ticking! Either way, the faeries are expecting a good show out of tonightâs soiree.
Why, it might just be the most exciting one yet!
âShare this wish with me!â
Dress Code:
There isnât a really stict dresscodeâ but of course the characters will all be wearing clothing suited for an extravagant ball!
And, if the name wasnât obvious enough, this event is very Fairytale themed! So I suggest taking inspiration from fairytales! Whether it be characters, tropes, or items in the fairytale! Go crazy!!!
Theres not really a certain colorscheme either, Id rather you use the colors you think fit the characters you choose the most !!
Featured Characters:
Kyra Lovelace SSR (Fairytale Attire)
Floyd Leech SR (Fairytale Attire)
Ace Trappola SR (Fairytale Attire)
Vil Schoenheit SR (Fairytale Attire)
Azul Ashengrotto SR (Fairytale Attire)
Sebek Zigvolt R (Fairytale Attire)
Jamil Viper R (Fairytale Attire)
Jack Howl R (Fairytale Attire)
OCs:
Rory Queens SR (Fairytale Attire)
Shuu SR (Fairytale Attire)
Rayven Ludwig SR (Fairytale Attire)
Asher (Fairytale Attire)
AJ (Fairytale Attire)
Arlo Wake SR (Fairytale Attire)
RULES!!!:
- Despite this being a follower milestone event, everyone is welcome to participate! âĄ
- You can use any kind of character to enter into the - event! OCs, Yuusonas, and canon characters that havenât been listed in the participants! All characters are very much welcomed !!!
- Any kind of entry is also welcomed! Art, edits, fics, ect.
- Please tag me in your post and use the tag #Fairytale Soiree! In your posts!
Strictly no NSFW or proshipping.
There is no clear deadline nor winner, this is honestly just for fun so go crazy!!
Theres no real limit on the amount of SSR cards either, so feel free to do whatever youâd like, whether you choose to make an SSR, SR or R card !
Feel free to dm me if you have any questions :3
Once again, Thank you all so very much for supporting me thus far!! (Reblogs are appreciated :3)
#Fairytale Soiree!#fan event#twst#twisted wonderland#twst oc#twst wonderland#disney twst#twisted wonderland oc#twst fan event#đđïž! kyra
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Hello!! I have literally no one to share these with so youre getting them :D
I drew 141 with the colours that remind me of them, the only one im like, 100% happy with is gaz. But then again i spent a lot more time on gaz than the others.
Reasons for colours:
Gaz: idk he give purple vibes (purple is my favourite colour, my favourite is also gaz so) its like a regal and just beautiful colour (i actually googles how his hat looked)
Soap: green. Its a bright and vibrant colour, i feel like he's also bright and vibrant. And the yellow pencil i have doesn't show up well so theres that to
Ghost: red. I feel like red is very 2 sided yknow? Like some say it represents anger and some say it represents love and i feel like the contrast of not only that but also the contrast of ghost to simon?? I dont know if you get what i mean
Price: (never drawing him again, his beard and hat are the worst thing i have drawn recently) orange feels warm but also explosive. A bit like price is in crcb, but also just in the games in general. Like fire yknow? Very beautiful and elegant but also a very dangerous thing (i also had to add his rank cause it annoyed me that he was gonna be thenonly one with 2 names so no. Not happening)
Omg babe these are amazing!!! I love the style so much!!
I fully agree Gaz gives purple vibes. I may be biased because purple is my favorite color, but I do agree. Johnny does give green vibes too. It can be a very earthy, grounding color but it can also be super vibrant and showy and I think that fits him really well.
I fully agree with red Simon. It's such a bright color but at the same time it represents so many things. Anger, love, blood. Even wine can be red. It's so versatile and I think that fits Simon perfectly. Price gives orange vibes. That's all I have to say about that lol.
No but seriously these are amazing!! Thank you for sharing them with me!!!
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'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'
#cw blood#SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten#its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then#fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something#also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve#but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere#ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP#THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed#kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me#from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream#and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him#she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she#is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK#I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs#LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH#THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED#TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER#oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much
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habeas corpus â detective comics #1086
(ID in alt!)
#loved this back up feature so much and seeing that bruce timm shit made me annoyed enough to actually transcribe it#first the way hes depicted as having to stand trial and ARGUE and fight for the rights of using the coin#rather than it just being a compulsion and something he must do before a decision....#like every time. every time when he's 'leaving it up to chance'âthats a time when harvey won. thats a time when harvey fought for the right#to use the coin and make it at least a 50/50 chance instead of 'crawling away until the hard part is done' like two face pushed for#every single time. regardless of the results regardless of knowing theres only a halfway chance of it actually achieving anything#or lessening the damage two face can/will do. every time hes fighting for and still believing in a fair trial and that everyone deserves on#it isnt him being weak. it isnt him avoiding responsibility. its him fighting and forcing and pushing for it as hes internally at war#with himself 24/7. even when two face wins he doesnt give up & continues to fight for what he believes in despite the injustice done to him#the way he tells Judge Janus that it isnt about HIM (himself!) while defending the right of existence to the jury of other societal rejects#the way he gestures to himself only at the very end. he asks the judge does that sound like anyone he knows and janus replies in two faces#voice but harvey keeps going. he keeps fighting for others. but at the end in actually acknowledging two face being part of him#(and by extension harvey being part of two face) and how harvey is fighting just as much to have a place as two face is#(but more within his own mind & upholding his belief system still despite knowing how it continues to fail them) and just FUCK#and two faces snaps! how theres no jurisprudence system above there either ! just no one will admit it!#how harvey knows!!! look what happened to him when he was doing the right thing!#look how many criminals and mob bosses paid their way out! look how the police are corrupt!#but still believing in it and how a system has to be in place despite being a direct victim of it as well and just GOD#I LOVE YOU GOOD HEARTED AND WANTING TO HELP PEOPLE HARVEY DENT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME !!!!!!!!#taking away how he genuinely wanted to help people and bring wrongs to rights takes away literally everything hes built on#it takes away the entire fucking tragedy of his character (and in many ways it changes how bruce himself operates and believes because#harvey WAS a good man doing everything by the books. he was trying to bring justice in the 'right way' and believed in the system. he was#what people tell bruce he should be and look where it got him. look how the system failed 'even the good ones' because the system itself is#corrupt. it isnt flawedâit was operated to oppress and thats why it cant just be fixed but must be entirely rebuilt and why bruce must#operate outside of it. it also gives more depth because harvey is one of batmans first and biggest failures. he didnt protect him.#he didnt save his parents as a helpless child (as bruce) but he couldn't save his parents as BATMAN.#it wasnt just random chance like his parents tragedy but this was calculated and something bruce didnt stop. its ALWAYS going to eat at#him if he could of prevented it by telling harvey his identity. by doing something different. by being more prepared or somehow#knowing it was going to happen. harvey is the face of tragedy in so many ways that cant fit in these messy rambly tags but its ALLL!!!!!!!#bc harv was (and still is despite it all! despite two face!) a good man!! because he originally was a glimmer of hope to bruce & the city!!
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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them âšïž later âšïž (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? đšđš#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass đ#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great đŹ#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main đ. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess đđđ#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing đ#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
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Being self aware is literally hell I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
#diary#god I could rant about about this forever#tw mentions of assault in the tags dont read if that makes u uncomfortable#im kinda getting tired of people asking why i dont date đ€© it sends me into a mental spiral hahahaaaaa#i just tell people im not looking for anything serious rn but its a big fat fucking lie because i DO want to date#but i think my nervous system is so shot from living with my dad still and he can be so emotionally abusive it's insane#it makes me not trust my judgement because shitty behavior is so normalized and i KNOW whats Right and Wrong but im so used to keeping theâ#âpeace because its a survival tactic for me and always has been#like when people like me i think one of two things usually:#1) they're genuinely interested in me and i hate myself so much i cant understand why anyone would like me#or 2) theyre interested in me for my body which is both easier to understand and terrifying because people in the past have hurt me becauseâ#âthey wanted to be with me. read between the lines for that one#because of how i grew up and what I've experienced i genuinely do not trust people. i trust no one fully and it kills me#i feel so fucking guilty all the time bc most people arent out to get you but that wasn't the case for me#i feel like i cant grow as a person because im stuck in a survival mindset. i KNOW why I people please and i hate it#i genuinely do love people and i want the best for them but its also ingrained into my head that if something is wrong it's My Fault#and there will be Consequences#back to dating though#there are so many reasons I do and dont want to date#i call myself a Helpless Romantic because there's no way I'll be dating in the near future. i cant just go on dates I have to know you forâ#âa while and build trust. but what if it ends badly and im the idiot who cant take a goddamn hint and realise love isnt meant for someoneâ#âlike me?#i grew up knowing my parents hated each other and âstayed together for the kidsâ whatever thet means. like that fucks with your mind#seeing my mom being mistreated by my dad made me snap out of the disney movie princess x prince charming daze everyone else was in as a kid#i realised very early on that relationships won't save you and can actually be the worst thing to ever happen to someone#theres more to this but ive already said enough lol. anyway
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i send my friend suggestions of tourist places to see in his new country (his contract was extended, lucky him!) or messages about friend of friends i have living there that he could maybe meet for fellow americans to talk to, and his response is always that he doesnt have time. and not in that exaggerated way that people do to seem busy. but in that bone tired way i recognize from him here in LA, that i recognize in myself.
#jrnlsht#i watch the lives of my friends who have Made It on social media and its like looking through glass into another world i cant relate to#theyre so happy and confident and successful and its beautiful#you know whats a funny thing about LA#so many people on the on*line da*ting apps put *successful* on their list of requirements in the people they want to date#like theres a bar of entry and if you haven't reached a certain goal post like... blue check marks on your social media or a level of wealt#then they arent even going to want to get to know you#and its so antithetical to how i was raised i cant even comprehend#and yet i see it happening to my own relationships#in pittsburgh i had friends from literally ALL walks of life from people who made even less money than me to comfortable to fairly wealthy#here my friends are almost entirely of one professional class#and i have been observing how my hyper wealthy friends self select in who they interact with to maintain this wealthy bubble around them#i dont think it's entirely intentional but its also not not intentional if you know what i mean#anyway its one of the reasons i fucking loved the talk on saturday oh my god those two were a breath of fresh air i needed so much#these smart genius dudes built their own life and instead of constantly looking up for more and more personal gain#they paused and looked at the people still desperately trying to rise#and were like if i have gotten this far why cant i help you do it too and then they DID IT they actually started helping#i think that is the true meaning of success
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Not gonna lie, it does make my eye twitch that if you go into most tags of Black artists who've collabed with Gorillaz, it's like INUNDATED with nothing but Gorillaz shit. Happened with Benjamin Clementine (and mind u it was and idk if it's still ugly in there when he said he regretted the collaboration), Thundercat, Adeleye Omotayo, even Del the Funky Homosapien. Like I promise you these artists are worth the listen to outside the sphere of the fucking Gorillaz, and frankly bitchy of me perhaps, but they make better music...
#when the clementine thing happened there was soooo many white people in there going#'he's lucky to even have collaborated with him he's so ungrateful' like man fuck you#as much as i like gorillaz you cant sit there and shit on black artists when the collaborators literally just repackage black art#like theres more i could name like you look up any of them and like one two two posts down boom gorillaz#hell when you look up omotayo on google its his fucking gorillaz wiki page like wtf#the man is a songwriter and soloist in his own right
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looking up info on keloid scarring is so helpful. thanks man I didn't think of trying that one
#well actually that kind of is relevant bc ive been trying to find more info abt tattooing keloid prone skin#which is effectively opting to wound urself. but everywhere is just like if ur keloid prone ummm. Don't do it đ#theres not enough known abt keloids to predict if theyll be triggered or not by the healing process like it depends on so many things#i mostly get them from acne scars. but they dont always immediately appear sometimes its weeks or months after#n once u get them theyre permanent. treatments for them have a 100% rate of recurrence n will grow back bigger if u try to excise them#and they cant be tattooed over like other scars bc they dont hold ink n the irritation can cause them to get bigger too#it depends a lot on the tattoo artists skill/experience ig like u have to know Exactly how deep ur tattooing + how the wound will heal#bc if healing triggers keloids. well ill just end up with permanent scarring instead theres nothing i can do if it happens#which honestly might still look cool but its unpredictable bc they tend to extend past the original wound. n it wouldnt scar uniformly#urgh. i should probably talk to a gp n an actual tattooist abt it. i could ask to get like a rly small tattoo to test how my skin reacts#pointless thinking abt rn anyway cuz im not gonna get one any time soon i have some other shit to sort before that#but it would be so frustrating if i cant i have so many tattoo ideas i do rly want them.... :-(#ah well whatever.. im just procrastinating doing shit i need to crack on bc i cant spend another entire weekend doing nothing#after a month n a half of being on meds i feel like theyre becoming less effective. my task paralysis n focus is getting worse again :(#like its taking more and more effort its been rly noticeable at work. hoping its just bc of general mental health or poor sleep or smth#and not that im building tolerance or smth bc man. what else can i even do if that happens#this is gonna make me miserable to think abt so lets go do smth else!#at least i woke up feeling tons better today đȘđȘđȘ storm passed baby#.diaries
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praying and hoping and begging for things to get better or at least more tolerable soon because i dont know how many more physical symptoms of stress my body can take
#me when i get eczema when the only time i had eczema in the past was when i was about to kill myself lmao#things are Preddy Bad actually fjfkfkfl#theres so many things i have happening and i look them up and its like ''reduce stress :)'' THANKS I WISH I COULD#UNFORTUNATELY. I LIVE IN THIS WORLD. AND THINGS AREN'T GOING WELL.#i actually cant think abt this all anymore tonight or I'll end up crying and i rly dont want to deal w crying rn fhfkdl#but man. things were supposed to go in such a better way. im literally a failure rn#all my siblings are doing way better in life and have a shot at things#and im stuck in my parents basement alone and a loser burn-out#this is so fucked#i realized the reality of my situation at 3am lying awake unable to sleep last night#like. i am.... alone and stuck living in my parents basement. no career prospects because im useless and too exhausted all the time#thats so fucking lame and awful and Peak Failure in society's eyes#man!!!#so unbelievably bleak!!!#anyways i hope this eczema goes away bc wow i rly have not had this except once or twice when i was engaging in suicidal behaviour#i dont want to be doing that again đđ#WHATEVER. it is what it is. live fast die young or whatever#maybe tomorrow something good will happen#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#suicide tw
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someones really out here lighting fireworks at 2:37am. girl what are you doing
#when im at my moms place i feel like i live in the best most peaceful place ever (despite the lousy neighbours)#but when im at my dads i feel like ive been dropped directly into a storm or something#theres always people walking about during the day and at night theres a lot of people going out to the bars near our building#so a lot of random stuff ends up happening really late at night#its fun in a way but also kind of bothersome?? like the one employee at one of the bars who has built in speakers in his car#and the speakers are like top grade speakers too so when he blasts them at 3am for no reason its EXTRA annoying#at my moms we had the one guy who would spend the whole morning every sunday fixing up his car#and hed put classic metal music loud enough that you could hear from your apartment but bc it wasnt the same top grade speakers the guy#at my dads block has you could only vaguely hear the music echoing so it was actually really nice#to me at least. im sure someone was bothered by it in some way#i really like both neighborhoods though. even though my moms landlord sucks i really like living there#i have. many stories from my dads neighborhood too. funny stories. weird stories.#like the cup filled with mmisterious yellow liquid (i called it schrodingers cup bc you couldnt tell if it was piss or beer unless you#went over to it and sniffed it/tasted it and ofc noones gonna do that)#theres the time i saw some random thing in the grass football field we have near here and went over to it very excitedly#and i was with my partner so i talked to him like ''LOOK DAN A RANDOM EMPTY CHOCOLATES BOX WHATS IT DOING HERE!!!!!''#and he answered me with ''you know this is probably a marker for some kind of drug dealing'' and i was. very shocked.#hmmm the time i went out with my friends to the suppermarket to buy ingredients for lunch#and we ended up lazying around under some random block and these cats came over to us#and we played with them it was very nice#the time i went out to get coffee with my partner and we sat down in the benches and i picked out a cool bottle cap from the floor......#im getting really sad reminiscing now. i miss my friends so much. i miss my partner so much.....#((it hasnt been that long since we met we literally went out on saturday but i still MISS THEM bc i love them all so much.........))#we should go out again this week... maybe i could even go on and outing just me and my partner#we could grab coffee together again..... maybe ill even get coffee instead of panicking and just getting a brownie like the last time...#i dunno. anyways. living the teenage dream. etcetera. sorry this blogs supposed to be exclusively loserposting about my hyperfixations but#i like talking about my life and shit. ill get back to churning out posts about my silly anime men in a little bit i promise.#talk
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#delete later#im so exhausted and stressed. theres such a lack of stability and its freaking me out SO much. im just constantly tense and waiting#for something terrible to happen. im starting to think that im not gonna get to go to the entomology thing ive been hoping#how i can't do things independently and i must have been forced into this abd rhen it'll get cruel towards my friends abd i cant#and my aunt is getting worse abd my parents are waiting for me to fail abd have to move bsck with them which i can't do bc#to go to for months bc ill probably need to use that time off for preparing to move. which sucks. ive been looking forward to it#i was letting myself get my hopes up and that was a mistake bc now im rly disappointed. im hoping i can go but honestly#idk if it'd be financially responsible. same with comic con. its in october so i can probably go but it might not be a financially#good idea. it just. the things i was counting on to be stable sources of joy are not stable anymore and that's making everything worse#and im tryinh to be positive but im so anxious. theres just so much. i need to think about packing and try to figure out#how im going to move 1-2 hours away. how am i going to coordinate with movers whilst having to get the train to meet them#im disabled and cabt help move things so only getting one person ro deliver worries me. movers arent insured to take ppl with them#theres just SO MUCH. And i can't view properties easily bc of work so im missing out on multiple places that ive been contacting#ppl about abd i couldnt line up enough for last week when i was off bc it was too short notice and i just. its TOO MUCH TOO MUCH#im overwhelmed. im trying to think of the food im gonna cook when im there ahd the armchair im gonna buy#im gonna eat so much fucking lamb and fish oh ny god im excited for THAT#i wany to just go for the shittiest place to at least have some stability and bc i still have yhat kernel of thought that i dont#deserve comfort but im trying to fight it bc i do. i deserve somewhere nice and its unfair on myself not to find somewhere nice#especially as ill be living alone. i cant go for places that have no natural light or are four stories up or are a mile away from the train#station bc that will wreck my mental health and i wont have ready access to socialising that can stabilise me. gotta be fair#to myself. but THATS PROVING REAL DIFFICULT#im doing good saving though so thats nice i guess. fuck me moving is expensive. moving when you've got zero kitchen supplies is#even more so. gonna be an Interesting first couple days in the new place.#it will be. very bad. they keep texting me asking about it and i have to be positive bc otherwise itll become a conversation about#field all that shit when im like this. i just cant. that requires so much fucking energy i dont have. and i wont move back#id frankly rather die. and trying to not say that and decline politely sucks. bc they get the look of#oh we're not good enough huh#and i can't field their fucking feelings. i either need a pause button or a fast forward. id take either one#so many of these tags ended up out of order whoops. but these arent meant to be read anyway#i just need to scream bc idk what else to do
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Had a very bad day Gotta eat gravel
#had to work a shift with only one other coworker and we were in this same position last weekend too and so like last time#he had this Moment where like as we locked up he was yelling very frustratedly about an annoying customer#which is fair but lol we dont know each other well enough for him to yell and rant like that to me like i get it but#god i hate yelling and just felt like shit and wanted to die#then tonight i was legitimately kinda scared cuz uh liiike. he had a lot more little Moments#i think like some kid dropped something and it broke and he had to clean it up and he got frustrated#and like. went in the back where the custom framing shit is and there was loud banging with a hammer and glass shattering#and he went back and did this multiple times and customers heard it too and were like uhhh đ°#i was already in a bad mood coming in and this really didnt help its honestly a miracle i didnt start having a meltdown#i guess ive just had to deal with so many man babies at home that all i can do is look at them like a disappointed parent and ask if they#would like me to take them to daycare#so yeah that was fun i uh dont like this guy hes always wearing very cutesy clothes and all i can think of is the bit where its like#âthere is nothing little about your thingsâ#also i got money problems and keep getting fast food cuz i got eating problems and theres not much here i can eat and obviously#buying food so much wastes money so i was gonna try to make a sandwich today and like we dont have half the shit needed#and the bread was moldy obviously and theres so many bugs in the house cuz ive been too busy to clean and my sister was here#and the cat is here and my mom does everything wrong and then i spilled water everywhere and everything just went wrong#im also in a horrible place mentally doing so so bad so unbelievably stressed rn#just like. im repressing very bad and literally procrastinating having feelings like everything is going so wrong but i cant feel bad#because i dont have time for that so ill feel bad later when i escape which surely will happen someday ahahaha fuuuck#dont know whats real anymore maybe ive made everything up maybe the abuse is just me being dramatic maybe im the worst child in the world
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lightly defending Toshiro while also fully understanding Laois frustrations. as a bitch who let teachers call me the wrong name all through high school cos it was kinda funny
#toy txt post#i knew it wasnt their fault they just dealt with So Many Names and i couldve corrected them and i used to#but the thing is that it just kept happening w so many teachers??#so i was like fine whatever idc that much. but also they did usually remember my name if there was someone in the class who actually#had the wrong name they usually called me. i think bc it would stick in their heads more since they had to differentiate so instead of#looking at me and going [letter] name......[common name starting with that letter that isnt mine]#theyd look at me and go [letter name].....but theres 2 names in that class with that letter and theyre different and this one is Not the#easy more common one. [gets name correct]#what really would throw me is when theyd try a DIFFERENT but i think still more common name with the same letter and then lile#like*. sorry bud im not used to that one i cant help u there#my favorite was the print production teacher who USUALLY GOT MY NAME RIGHT (i think smaller class size helped?)#who called me the more common one that im not used to and then stared at me in puzzlement and he was like#why did i do that. thats not your name. and i was just like lmao idk bro#anyway. this has been a really annoying way to discuss this event without actually revealing my name but#its not quite a deadname now but like. as far as yall are concerned im Toy. if you know me irl you almost certainly know it tho#and if youve been following me long enough you could probably know it cos i was less careful about it when i was younger#if youre like burningly curious and we're mutuals u can dm me ig and ill tell u just dont call me that lol#oh if u have me on fb u know it for sure unless u forgot and you see me (rare and unlikely on fb) nd youre like who the fuck is that#it probably wouldnt be hard to guess even. but whatever. if u feel the need to guess (why) just do me a favor and do it via#dm or ask or smth lmao#ALSO: uhhh i try not to tag this anymore cos it feels like its not coming across the way its intended and it has a weird vibe to tag these#days but i feel like this post could use the 'Im a white person this experience im referencing is with a layer of white privilege#and i understand that for many ppl of color or ppl with non english names this happens and its less funny#altho i think due to the vastness of human experience there are probably ppl with non english names who have this happen but it doesnt#affect them strongly and they just laugh it off and part of me wonders how much of that has to do with how much you LIKE and Identify with#your given name WHICH i ALSO recognize can be a more nuanced experience for someone with a non english name thats like#got cultural significance ETC. okay THERE. the annoying disclaimer that pisses everyone off bc everyone HATES disclaimers now.#just imagine. i could be writing these disclaimers for a FICTIONAL ROMANCE BOOK IVE WRITTEN. and wouldnt#that piss you off more? new disclaimer to piss you off more: i understand this is my personal blog and im not obligated to provide a#fuck i was gonna do another disclaimer as a bit but i ran out of tags! fuck okay bye. youll have to make up the joke disclaimer
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oh my god do not click links in emails that tell you to verify your data or your bank account gets locked or click links in messages telling you your safety protocol is ending, like, tomorrow, you will get SCAMMED SO BAD AND YOU WILL LOSE A LOT OF FUCKING MONEY never ever let anyone pressure you into giving away login information especially to your online banking by creating a sense of urgency oh my GOD
some things to look out for
1. spelling mistakes. do you know how many rounds of marketing and sales experts these things go through? if theres a spelling mistake dont click it
2. not using your name. if an email adresses you with "dear customer" or, even worse, a generic "ladies and gentlemen", it is most likely not actually targeted to you
3. verifying or login links. even IF your bank was stupid enough to send these to customers, dont EVER click those. look at me. they can legally argue that youve given your data away and thus they dont have to pay you anything back DONT CLICK THAT FUCKING LINK
4. creating a sense of urgency. do this or we lock your account next week. do this or your ebanking stops working tomorrow. give us all your money in cash or your beloved granddaughter will get HANGED FOR MURDERING BABIES. no serious organisation would ever do something like that over email or sms. ever. hands off.
5. ALWAYS CHECK WHO SENT YOU THE EMAIL. the display name and the email adress can vary a LOT. anyone can check the display name. look at the email adress. does it look weird? call the fucking place it says its from. you will likely hear a very weary sigh.
6. if its in a phonecall, scammers love preventing you from hanging up or talking to other people to have a little bit of a think about whats happening. there should always be a possibility to go hey i wanna think about this ill call back the official number thanks.
7. do not, i repeat, do NOT a) call a phone number flashing on your screen promising to rid your computer of viruses after clicking a dodgy link and b) let them install shit on your computer like. uh. idk. teamviewer.
7.i. TEAM VIEWER LETS PEOPLE USE YOUR COMPUTER HOWEVER THEY WANT AS LONG AS THEYRE CONNECTED. IF YOU DONT KNOW FOR FUCKING SURE YOURE TALKING TO ACTUAL TECH SUPPORT DONT GIVE ANYONE ACCESS TO YOUR COMPUTER.
fun little addendum: did you know a link can just automatically download shit? like. a virus? an app you can't uninstall unless you reset your entire device? dont click links unless youre extremely sure you know where they lead. hover your mouse over it and check the url.
thanks.
#'oh i was so stressed in the moment' thats what theyre counting on PLEASE dont do this you will lose so much money#sometimes money you dont even have#do you know how much overdraft your bank account comes with?#sometimes the answer is 15k fucking euros
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