#theres no way i can say it enough in this lifetime

[s3lkie2sato]

thank you for taking care of me and being so sweet and so soft and so kind. you make me feel so at ease even when things feel so out of control. you are so gentle with me and i swear i could just cry and melt and become putty in your soft hands

if i could grasp the stars and lay them in your gentle hands, i'm sure they would rejoice. what i wouldn't give to see the twinkles from them in your eyes.

[81folklore]

heaven - OP81 - part 5

pairings: oscar piastri x private!reader (fc: gracie abrams)

summary: australian adventures of yn and oscar

type: social media au (smau)

authors note: IM BACK WRITING MY FAVORITE ANGELS!!! ive been feeling slightly more motivated so i thought id just continue a story instead of creating a new one (at least whilst im in this slump) i do hope you enjoy!!

heaven masterlist masterlist

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, logansargeant and 7,191 others

oh australia how ive missed you and your gifts 💫

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user3 whats the best gift australia has given you??

yourusername oscar!!! liked by oscarpiastri

user3 SHUT THE FUCK UP WHATTTT?!?!??

user62 i feel SICK THEYRE SO??

oscarpiastri oh my goddd

oscarpiastri 😍😍

user4 you cannot separate oscar from that emoji

yourusername not even i can😕😕

oscarpiastri you can pry it from my cold dead hands

user81 that dog is so stinking cute

user22 yess but that dress is GORGEOUS

user5 right shes sooooooo pretty liked by oscarpiastri

user88 australia is the one whos lucky!! liked by oscarpiastri

user67 like they are being blessed with the yn ln

yourfriend3 you are oh so lovely liked by oscarpiastri

yourfriend3 i take it back stop your boyf from liking my comments abt you

yourusername he loves me🥰🥰

oscarpiastri i do!! its true!!

oscarpiastri 📍location home

liked by yourusername, lilymhe and 52,281 others

my favorite lady in my favorite place

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user18 SHE IS HIS FAVORITE LADY OH MU GOD😭😭

user17 AND HIS FAVORITE PLACE IS HOME😭

user24 oh my god she is gorgeous liked by oscarpiastri

user84 i will never ever get tired of them

user28 i hope theyre in love forever and ever liked by oscarpiastri

user55 oscar liking this comment☹️☹️

yourusername my babyyyy

yourusername oh how ill always love you liked by oscarpiastri

oscarpiastri 🩷🩷

twitter

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 8,729 others

the day you entered my world you changed my entire view on life and myself, you help me find love and happiness in things i never expected and showed me how to appreciate the smallest things in life.

sometimes i wonder if im being selfish, how can i be worthy of all the love and time youve given to me? surely there is someone more deserving, someone who needs everything youve showed me more? i think about what i must have done in a past life to be gifted with you and then i wonder if we are destined.

maybe i dont deserve you in this life, maybe i dont deserve you in a thousand other lifes. but i believe we are meant to be which means for every universe we dont find eachother, we find eachother in a hundred more

im so glad we found each other, i dont know if i deserve you but i promise i will cherish and appreciate you the way i have done for 6 years and the way i will continue to love you for as long as this universe allows and then i will love you even longer in another

six years used to feel like forever but now ill never have enough time, happy anniversary lovely

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oscarpiastri you continue to help my heart keep beating

oscarpiastri i didnt think love was real until i found you

oscarpiastri we will find eachother in every universe i promise

oscarpiastri you are the prettiest and most lovely person i have ever met and you deserve everything and more

yourusername my good looking boyyyy🩵🩵

user29 i have no words i cant comprehend what im reading

user10 i feel so violently ill they are so sweet

user62 my parents everyone!!!

user53 is that an engagement ring?!

user33 wait pause

user5 theres no way right??

oscarpiastri

liked by yourusername, arthur_leclerc and 62,379 others

you’ve impacted my life in more ways than you will ever know and im so thankful that i get to love you for all eternity, you have such a beautiful soul and i can’t believe i get to hold it

happy six years and to a lifetime more

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yourusername you are so so incredible

yourusername i dont know how many other ways i can say it but i love you

oscarpiastri i love you too

user66 they are sooooo

user7 oh my gooooood i am a puddle of tears

user56 you just dont get them like i do

user32 anyone else sad we didnt get a long caption like yns was beautiful

yourusername oscar said more than enough in his letter☺️

user43 OH MY GOD HE WROTE HER A LETTER😭😭😭😭

user3 six years.. six damn years and they are still so in love

user48 guys are they engaged or not😭

yourusername not!! we are still young and exploring ourselves and the world and we are still grow into better people. we didnt want to rush when we still have so many things to do but we will when we know we are ready🩷 liked by oscarpiastri

user65 i didnt know it was possible to love two random strangers so much☹️☹️

yourusername added to their story

seen by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 9,372 others

text on story reads: 🩷🩷🩷

oscarpiastri added to their story

seen by yourusername, aussiegrit and 105,482 others

text on story reads: sunshine ☀️☀️

twitter

[honeytonedhottie]

the tea on self love⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍵

the most important relationship that you're ever going to have during your lifetime is the relationship with yourself. its the longest relationship that you'll ever be in, therefore its crucial to make this relationship flourish.

first understand ; love is unconditional. theres no such thing as conditional love, if its conditional then it is NOT love. that means regardless of past mistakes, your love for yourself is still there and its still strong. the love for yourself is the only love that will always be there. because people change and they come and go, but you're with yourself ALL hours of the day, and forEVER.

because people change, you cannot rely on the love of others all of the time. the love that u feel for urself shouldn't decrease just because your surrounded by individuals who love you a lot. if anything ur self love should grow, but never shrink.

its easy to grow dependent on the love from others, your friends, family, partner.. but the truth of the matter is, if ur self love isnt solid and grounded then when that person inevitably changes or grows or leaves ur life, then you perception of self love will crumble.

practicing self love ; start asking yourself "how i feel today" or "what do i need/want today" be more conscious of urself and ur feelings, just as you would if u were being thoughtful and considerate to a friend or partner that you loved.

do not EVER speak badly about yourself. even in a "joking" manner. bcuz guess what, ur brain can't tell the difference between when ur joking and when ur being serious. your words have power!! the same love and support that u provide to ur friends when they've made a mistake is the same, if not more, support and love that u should give urself when u make mistakes.

often times we beat ourselves up over mistakes that we make but thats not healthy at ALL. make ur mind a peaceful, beautiful, and safe place to be, where u can cultivate ideas and growth. instead of a place where ur walking on eggshells all of the time bcuz ur scared of imperfection.

make a promise to yourself that regardless of how u feel or what happened in ur life, that you won't talk badly about yourself. only tell yourself good things!!

be conscious of how you treat urself ; are you considerate enough of ur own health or well being? if the answer is no, then what are you even doing? treat urself with tender love and care. if you feel tired, sleep. if you feel hungry, eat. if you long for something, give it to yourself. dont deny yourself anything and please please look after yourself.

ways to show yourself love depending on ur love language ; if u dont know ur love language, take this quiz ✨ and find out.

if ur love language is physical touch...

try yoga

take a bubble bath

buy a weighted blanket or one of those pregnancy pillows

if ur love language is receiving gifts...

go on solo trips

investing in yourself

buying gifts for urself when u go out

if ur love language is words of affirmation...

practice gratitude

practice saying ur affirmations out loud to urself

give yourself compliments

if ur love language is acts of service...

practicing self care

meal prepping meals that u know u love to eat

clean and organize ur space

if ur love language is quality time...

go for a relaxing walk

start journalling

try meditation

have some quiet time and replenish yourself, take a long nap, do whatever u need to do to show yourself that YOU LOVE YOU, bcuz u should 🫶🏽

the mindset of someone who loves themselves ;

"im going to give my body the best that i can possibly manage"

"my body is a temple, so im going to treat it as such"

"im going to be conscious of what i say and think to myself about myself, and only feed myself good thoughts"

[xiaonyc]

Defining my boundaries w social media

I am a creative person. I have always liked to create, but sharing it is something new to me. Building community is something new to me. Theres a lot I am trying to wrap my head around as I enter this new realm. To make it a little simpler, i want to organize my thoughts a bit:

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧

ᯓ★ Why share?

˖ ࣪⭑ contribution: I want to experience things deeply, I want to contribute something positive to this world in my lifetime

˖ ࣪⭑ self-expression: i am a unique being brought to this world for a reason, i may not know it exactly, but i will cherish the journey to learn about myself and express it in the truest way i can

˖ ࣪⭑ belonging: as humans, as a gemini/pisces, i desire meaningful connection and a sense of belonging. aligning myself with positive vibrations and feeling reciprocated is very important to me.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧

ᯓ★ What holds me back?

୨୧ ‧ Self-doubt: i fear criticism, i fear judgement. But I will overcome these fears because I know that i am here for a reason. The top priority is my own happiness. As long as i act with sincerity and self-love, everything will be ok.

୨୧ ‧ Self-hate: the core of my issues comes from this. Pushing myself to fatigue to accomplish "things" because if i don't i can't love myself. This is coming to an end NOW. I put my health and self-nourishment first, so that everything I create and share will be to nourish and heal myself. If it does not, I will take a step back.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧

ᯓ★ What can I do?

⋆˙⟡♡ Trust my intuition: feel more, inspiration is divine. Sometimes it comes and sometimes it takes a vacation, either way, i will feel when the time is right.

⋆˙⟡♡ Be bold: don't overthink, since I am a divine being, the words i type and art i create is from a source beyond me... I can't put it into a box with my monkey mind thinking and over-thinking. I will not hold back my expression.

⋆˙⟡♡ Choose: I always have a choice. I can choose to write something and never share it. It may stay a draft forever and that is ok. I will listen to my heart.

⋆˙⟡♡ Be myself: I am not here to say the "right" thing, or agree with a hive mind mentality. I am here to express my truth which I will do with sincerity and with a positive constructive mentality. I will change, possibly upset people, or say something others don't agree with, but I know that if I speak with sincerity and with heart, that is enough.

[moldy-flowers]

Naruto au where Jiriya comes back to Konoha to adopt Naruto like he promised to do but somewhere along the way they get Tsunade back in the village and Tsunade becomes Sasukes caretaker (She adopts him but neither are comfortable calling eachother mother and son yet so they stick with "The Lady in my house who cooks bad" and "the brat who doesn't appreciate good meals when he sees them")

Then at some point when Naruto and Sasuke are genins Jiriya and Tsunade get married and now Naruto and Sasuke have to live together. There's a really emotional scene of Sasuke having to say goodbye to his old home and its like "oh god its really all over they're not coming back I'm not coming back I can't just leave them behind I need to let go but I just can't do it" and Tsunade calls Sasuke her son for the first time and he totally doesn't cry!!!

Forest of death but Sasuke Sakura and Naruto already know who Orochimaru is, Sasuke knows absolutely not to trust him so the curse mark doesn't really affect him too horribly but it does lead for a lot of tension in the group. Also after being the girlboss she was born to be Sakura decides she can't be protected anymore and bc Tsunade is like, right there she asks her if she can be trained and Tsunade says yes obv. Hiruzen dies purely because i hate that guy but Orochimaru also dies to Jiriya and Tsunade also because I really really hate him too.

Theres the time when Kisame and Itachi visit Konoha and Itachi hears Naruto refer to Tsunade as his mom and Sasuke as his brother and hes GOT to know what's going on so he spies on them and learns that Sasukes been adopted but he sees this moment of Tsunade announcing she's pregnant (what a shocker she was 🤏 that close to never having to worry about pregnancy ever again but Jiriya just couldn't keep it in his pants for another 2 years, the manwhore.) And itachi sees Sasuke realising he's gonna be an older brother and being super happy about it saying he's gonna be the best big brother ever (Hades hangs his laundry on the bar its so low all he's gotta do is not kill everyone and he's already better than Itachi) and Itachi is like "ah man but how's he gonna get stronger there's no hatred in there i need him to do my suicide for me!!!" But Jiriya noticed he was there and confronts him a little later but see Jiriyas a little smarty pants and has been living in Konoha for years and always knew there was something fishy with the massacre and danzo so Jiriya just bluffs his way to the truth (Phoenix is that you?) And he's like "look Sasukes ur brother but he's my son now, he has enough nightmares and enough trauma and enough trust issues to last him a lifetime feck off and if you wanna die so bad then kill yourself and don't use your brother as a tool for ur suicide" <- I may be projecting a bit but ANYWAYS Itachi and Kisame have to leave Konoha bc Naruto is under watch by Kakashi, Tsunade and Jiriya and they are NAWT winning that fight.

Skip to shippuden era Sasuke v/ Itachi fight but Itachis been skipping out on his meds!! (He did it because he's a nerd loser guy who thinks "oh man sasuke isn't angry or filled with hatred and overall living a really terrible and unfufilling life he's probably so weak i need to stoop down to his level") Oh no so hes really super sick and Sasuke has picked up a lot from Tsunade so he knows Itachis time is near and although Sasuke really wants Itachi dead he's like "fuck it, dude you absolutely ruined my life and gave me trauma I'm never ever going to recover from sometimes I still wonder if my friends or family are going to turn around and kill me do you know how fucked that is why the hell did you even do that I don't want some bullshit excuse tell me" like he absolutely chews that loser (derogatory) out and Itachi is like, "kk ill tell u everything" and Sasuke is RUINED and he takes like a long 30 minutes of silence between the two just sitting there for Sasuke to go like "Itachi, I don't... think I forgive you. But I understand why you did it. I would have done it too" And its very emotional!! That moment is all Itachi needs bc he was sort of barely clinging onto life as it is and now that he's got peace he can finally die and they share a really sweet moment before he goes :(

And when Sasuke gets home and cries, (this time he can admit it cause he's a big boy now and understands it's okay to feel) to Tsunade he calls her his mother for the first time and its so ahaishahabnabsjsjnd

Anyways they all lived happily ever after the end no wars no nothing all over bye bye

[hongluboobs]

what's the debt of tears and what's this about cutting bao-yu open ?? also how does this relate to hong lu? i don't have the context to ask anything more specific but i need to know this.. . please

(ask in reference to this post )

Hi Anon! Apologies this took a bit, i got distracted with some projects and didn't have the energy to answer this right away, hopefully you're still here to see this :)

First off, Bao-yu is Hong Lu's book equivalent. I don't know if you already knew this, but I made the diagram with the assumption people knew this and it kind of blew up way bigger than intended on both here and twitter 😅

The debt of tears is a really big concept in Red Chamber surrounding the fates of Bao-yu and Dai-yu. Bao-yu was originally a piece of jade that the goddess was using to create the sky, but he ended up unused and cast onto the earth. From there, he ended up finding the Crimson Pearl Flower, which he watered every day. Eventually, the flower ended up transforming into a fairy (Dai-yu) due to the care with which he watered her. Dai-yu thinks on how she could repay him for this and settles on “The only way in which I could perhaps repay him would be with the tears shed during the whole of a mortal lifetime if he and I were ever to be reborn as humans in the world below.”

And wouldn't you believe it! They do end up reincarnated as humans in the world below. Bao-yu and Dai-yu are very close throughout their mortal lives, but the debt of tears comes back into the picture during Bao-yu's wedding. He believes he is getting married to Dai-yu as his family told him (because he wouldn't agree to marriage otherwise), but it isn't until the wedding starts he discovers this isn't the case and the family chose for him to marry someone else with a higher social standing. Dai-yu thinks Bao-yu was willingly deceiving her with this and is so distraught about it that she cries until she dies (she is very sickly pretty much constantly and this book is written like a soap opera) which fulfills the Debt of Tears.

As you can imagine, this really messes up Bao-yu. His mental state degrades throughout the book, but that's the nail in the coffin for it all. The debt of tears and the wedding is the emotional climax of the book, and I cannot imagine limbus's adaptation of the story not doing something with it.

The thing about cutting Bao-yu open happens in a dream, and is also related to the debt of tears/ Bao-yu and Dai-yu's relationship actually!

It happens in a dream Dai-yu has in chapter 82 where she's chosen as a second wife for a man and has to leave the Jias. She does Not Want this at all and is unable to do anything in order to stop it. Eventually, she finds Bao-yu and this scene plays out (this next section is words taken directly from the book. because im really normal about it. theres a tldr at the bottom if you aren't reading all that) :

Suddenly she thought: ‘Why haven’t I seen Bao-yu today? He might still know of a way out.’ And as the thought entered her mind, she looked up and sure enough, there, standing right in front of her, all laughter and smiles, was Bao-yu himself. ‘My warmest congratulations, coz!’ This was too much for Dai-yu. Her last vestige of maidenly reserve vanished. She clutched hold of him and cried out: ‘Now I know how heartless and cruel you really are, Bao-yu!’ ‘No, you are wrong,’ he replied. ‘But if you have a husband to go to, then we must go our separate ways.’ Dai-yu listened in despair as this, her very last hope, was taken from her. Clinging to him helplessly, she gave a feverish cry: ‘Oh Bao! I’ve no separate way to go! How could you say such a thing!’ ‘If you don’t want to go, then stay here,’ he replied calmly. ‘You were originally engaged to me. That’s why you came to live here. Has it never occurred to you how specially I’ve always treated you? Haven’t you noticed?’ Suddenly it all seemed clear. She really was engaged to Bao-yu after all. Of course she was! In an instant her despair changed to joy. ‘My mind is made up once and for ever! But you must give me the word. Am I to go? Or am I to stay?’ ‘I’ve told you, stay here with me. If you still don’t trust me, look at my heart.’ With these words he took out a small knife and brought it down across his chest. Blood came spurting out. Terrified out of her wits, Dai-yu tried to staunch the flow with her hand, crying out: ‘How could you? You should have killed me first!’ ‘Don’t worry,’ said Bao-yu. ‘I’m going to show you my heart.’ He fumbled about inside the gaping flesh, while Dai-yu, shaking convulsively, afraid someone might burst in on them at any moment, pressed him to her tightly and wept bitterly. ‘Oh no!’ said Bao-yu. ‘It’s not there any more! My time has come!’ His eyes flickered and he fell with a dull thud to the floor.

tl;dr Bao-yu reassures Dai-yu that there's a way out of her new engagement because she was originally brought to the jia house to be engaged to Bao-yu. Dai-yu is unsure of this and Bao-yu decides to show her his heart to convince her he's telling the truth. he does this by physically cutting his chest open to pull out his heart, but he lacks a heart within his chest to find.

Red Chamber isn't free of violence by any means, but this scene always fucking Got me. its so shocking out of nowhere and its such a potent image, i've drawn something akin to it before because it Got Me so much.

I brought it up in the diagram because his lack of heart reminded me of how the gloom peccatuli contain organs within them, but do not appear to be living organisms, or play part in biological activities. We know Hong Lu has his jade eye, which is probably either prosthetic or a Secret Third (non-normal human eye) Thing, so what's to say he doesn't have other inhuman oddities to him.

It also connects "truth" to physical exposure, in this case exposure not stopping at the skin and going deeper to the organ level. The intertwining of truth and fiction is a HUGE thing in red chamber and this would be really cool if the hypothetical Hong Lu distortion had elements from the gloom peccatulum for this as well (false organs exposed through transparent skin would be both true and false. Really cool)

There's also the concept of "seeing with the eyes" versus "seeing with the heart" which would go crazy when combining all of this. I don't think i can go into that there but tldr is this quote from the little prince

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

And with Hong Lu's eye connection... do you see what im putting down

[quitealotofsodapop]

I love all the ideas and your response has given me some more to chew on for this au ty. (I might have already sent this but I'm not sure it sent but if it did i am sorry for the double ask)

[Wukong spending the Journey getting hit by all the symptoms of pregnancy during those 9-14 years.] the morning sickness is def the worst for him.

[Many foes back off just by the tired firey glare in the King's eyes.] his presence alone is usually able to get most of them to back off, but for those who were still going to risk trying a tired "I am running on 2 hours of sleep, crippling isolation and lonliness, and I haven't been able to keep any food down for three days, I am not in the mood" glare is enough to sen them running for the hills.

[Wukong never managed to tell Macaque about the Egg in that lifetime.] this fact breaks Wukong's heart, and it breaks Macaque to when he later learns that was with child the whole time because having a peacful life and a family was all he really ever wanted.

[He's convinced that the Egg's presence at the Samadhi Fire was what caused the Rings to Split and hit Ao Lie.] I was thinking that during the Samadhi fire ritual the egg suddenly started "kicking" and despite his attempts to not let it affect his performance the pain is what causes him to slip, allowing the ring to split. he absolutely blames himself for this.

[By isolating himself, he accidentally causes his body to *turn down the heat* and extend the process even longer.] he's gonna be so mad when he finds out thats one of the reasons it took so long. but maybe it was for the better, with no support group it would have been difficult to raise the egg on his own. the egg was "no troop, these are not prime baby raising conditions, i stay here longer", like giving Wukong time to find a safe and loving situation to give birth in.

[he geniunely believed that keeping MK whilst the Stone Egg was still draining life force could kill the cub. So SWK is forced to give the little toddler up to save his life.] again, as unfortunate as it is, perhaps for the better. even if not being adressed for the right reasons at the time Wukong knew he wasn't in the position to be caring for someone so young at that point, and the fact he took measures to ensure that MK still got a stable and loving home to grow up in says a lot about how even if he couldn't provide for MK he already loved him. the lack of being in the right headspace to care for an infant is also probably another reason for the egg to "turn down the heat", not able to be mentally there for child, child says in womb till he can.

[When him and MK finally reunite, its a little awkward but MK immediately understands the reason for the Monkey King's retirement.] does MK remember Monkey King, or is it a "I just met an actual god/my fav hero of legend and their pregnant" kind of awkward?

[MK, thinking its a bad breakup situation: "oh ok. I guess you're owed some long-overdue paternity leave, huh?"] this is funny if you remember the fact that this likely wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Wukong and Macaque actually having a bad break up, causing Macaque to leave and Wukong to lose the one thing keeping his body from triggering the egg making process. in a way, it is a bad break-up situation, just not exactly in the way MK thinks.

[MK only asks about the schematics on the Egg after Wukong makes a comment about being "like this longer than even Lao Tzu's mother".] Wukong def brags that he's had the longest pregnancy out of any immortal now.

[He returns to Pigsy's that evening silent with a horrifed look on his face.] the rest of the gang notice, they ask, MK explains what Wukong told him, and now everyone is silently horrified for the rest of the night.

[The Spider Queen can sense that theres a new life within the King, but she decides its an issue for after the takeover.] Wukong is kinda surprised when she doesn't instantly try and use it against him, she just responds that she still has some honor. this does not stop her from draining his power though. Wukong's far more concerned about a certain other demoness present learning about his egg...

[DBK frees himself, not only from the fear of losing his wife and his son, but also out of fury that Wukong had been hiding his condition for so long!!] he is not happy to learn that Wukong put his egg at risk with Samadhi fire situation and by fighting him, or that Wukong had hidden it at all from him as his sworn brother. and also with the webs draining Wukong's power it was putting the little one at risk, can't let that happen either, not if he has something to say about. DBK def learns about it because he overhears the deeply concerning conversation between SWK and LBD while their tied up, him being tied up close to Wukong and all.

[PIF demands a proper baby shower when she hears about it from her excited husband later.] PIF sitting at the dinner table, reading a book and eating while she waits for her husband and son to come home: why do I hear loud footsteps getting rapidly closer? DBK busting open the dining room door with Red Son tucked under his arm: DARLING WE'RE GONNA BE GODPARENTS!!!! PIF & Red Son: WHAT? cue a very excited bull king explaining everything to them

[but becomes concerned when his Sun refuses to fight in any way that leaves his stomach exposed.] protecting a specific part of the body usually means there's a vulnerability there, but Wukong didn't fight like he was injured, Macaque knows what that looks like and that wasn't it so now he's confused. the only other kind of vulnrability he could think of invovling one's stomach that would make them seem bloated as well as make them want to get away from the fight as fast as possible is if he was pregnant, but that can't be the case here can it?

["The Shadow Play" becomes more a plan to trap the Monkie Kid gang for answers. MK spills the beans. Macaque stares blankly for a minute before yelling in frustration. It's too much emotional baggage to process right now!] he lays awake for nights on end trying to figure out if its really what he thinks it is with the little evidence he has, and then he just can't take it anymore and sets up the play. trapping the gang in his lantern and threatening MK until he spills, MK does and even though an answer is what he wanted it takes a moment to process that he had been right, then he lashes out when more questions came to mind. how? when? for how long? who's the other parent? MK frees his friends while Macaque is lashing out and they make a break for it, they escape before Macaque can threaten more answers out of them.

[now with the additional threat that she will harm the Stone Egg if Macaque fails her again...] Macaque might not have answers about the egg, but it's still Wukong's egg at the end of the day. sure just the other day he'd been totally fine with the idea of killing the guy but now... was there still hope he could have the life he wanted with his Sun? even if he couldn't he could never bring himself to knowingly harm his former lover's unborn infant. Wukong ofc doesn't know this at first, and gets really worried about Mac getting involved. he doesn't want to have to choose between him and his egg ever again, but he will if he has to. the problem is avoided entirely when (much to SWK's surprise/confusion) Macaque straight up acts like doesn't exist while hunting the gang in s3. for this subtle blessing SWK is relieved and grateful.

[Macaque breaks the King from his possession by casually placing a curious hand on his swollen stomach, smiling in a way Wukong hadn't seen in centuries. "I know," is all that is said as the two monkeys allow their foreheads to touch.] it's such a simple thing, but it's a certain type of soft kindness he hasn't felt in years, that he missed very deeply, the domesticity of it, makes him feel like his moon really is his again. he bursts out crying and almost sends them both to the ground when he collapses into Macaque for a hug.

[LBD is unexpectedly destroyed by the Stone Egg itself. She did not count upon the Egg recognising her as a yummy source of spirtual energy as she was possessing it's parent.] egg was hungry, and SWK was feeling drained after being possessed, LBD was right their and strong and had hurt the egg's parent. so LBD gets nommed on. naturally.

[MK is a little disturbed, but glad that the demoness is gone-gone.] the can't see it happen, but they all feel an absurdly powerful force emanating from SWK suddenly tearing apart and absorbing LBD's soul. everyone's a little shook up by that one. Macaque: did- did the egg just- SWK frozen on spot, with a nervous and tight expression: *exasperated inhale* yeah... everyone else: oh gods there was also a little concern that eating LBD whole soul would have consequences.

[Until the newly unpossessed Monkey King doubles over in pain and cries for the Bodhisattva to help him. Guanyin is on the scene in seconds, glaring at her little brother angrily. Half the gang stare jaws dropped at what is happening while the rest are panicking.] everyone was chilling, settling down and gtting some food after everything, SWK was feeling the most content and happy he had in ages as he refused to anywhere other then glued to Macaque's side, and the egg was like, "I just got a massive meal, and the whole troop is here now, guess it's time to come out now". Wukong surprisingly casually sits up and tells Ne Zha to go get Guanyin, NOW, being the patron god of infants, he quickly realizes whats going on and bolts for the south sea, the others clue in and start freaking out at this point too. Gaunyin is not happy at SWK for putting himself and the egg at risk with both the Samadhi fire (again, they also tried to warn him off it the first time) and with fighting LBD alone, but thats a conversation for after the egg is born, hatched, and healthy. Tang's fanboying over meeting the Guanyin is stifled only by the painc of egg on the way.

[After many hours of painful labor with Macaque clutching his hand for support, Wukong *finally* greets his baby for the first time.] Wukong is def squeezing so hard at one point that Macaque thinks his hand is either gonna break or pop off, it doesn't do either, but it is numb by the end of it. Macaque gladly would do it again if it meant getting to be there when the egg was born and hatched. Wukong def jokingly tells his newborn that she "sure kept them all waiting".

[Her dark fur is hard to ignore. As well as the ice-blue eyes that stare between the two monkeys with wonder. And the little excited chirps she makes that sing the tune of Wukong's favorite songs.] the ice blue eyes are from the last minute bone demon meal ofc, but what if the dark fur actually comes from Wukong's longing to be with macaque as a family again, and those feelings during early pregnancy were so strong it changed the infant's appearence in order to fit not just Wukong but his desires/emotional needs (that being having the family Macaque always wanted with him). Macaque def cries when she has dark fur like him, makes him feel more like he's possibly a bio parent. Wukong is def in love with everything about his little one, down to every little sound she makes. I like to think he would talk to the egg whenever he was alone while pregnant, and was also always humming to them, maybe the infant somehow knows some of those tunes he was humming and tries to mimic them fresh out of the egg.

[Yuebei Xing is celebrated across the many Realms as the first Stone Monkey to be born from a Stone Egg in milennia. Gold Star comes down from Heaven in person to bless her arrival.] they jokingly thank Gold Star for being too busy to oversee Wukong's punishment, because if he had Wukong likely wouldn't be holding the most precious ball of fur in his arms right now.

[singeing Azure Lion's fur as he goes to take the Jade Emperor's throne. All present, including members of the Brotherhood, laugh at the coincidence.] it's hard not to laugh, given the coincidence. the only one not laughing is Azure, who just saw his life flash before his eyes.

[Yuebei's whole family are willing to *destroy* the divine animals if even dare touch a single hair on her little head.] knowing Azure, he's either fantasizing about Yuebei being Wukong and his infant, or plotting how to use her for blackmail. or both. either way Wukong's none too happy to learn who's got their hands on his little one.

[The retrieve Yuebei after they enter the palace and see the three usurpers beaten to a pulp. The infant monkey rolling around on her butt as she giggles. Azure begs the crew to "please take her back".] Azure was perhaps a little too lost in his triumph and day-dreaming to notice the ultra powerful infant he was holding beginning to grow restless and playful, one of his many mistakes. especially seeing as she had little to no strength control at such a young age.

All in reference to the core "slow boiled stone egg au" post.

You did send a less detailed version of this ask a few days ago, I just hadn't gone through my inbox enough XD

I love the detailed responses though! It's nice to see so much interest in my silly aus!

[the morning sickness is def the worst for him.]

Based on my previous ironic pregnancy headcanons, Wukong occasionally gains a food adversion to his fave fruit ever; Peaches. Some days his brain/body just decides "Eww no. bleh. Spit it out right now" and the nausea hits him hard. Wukong is dismayed whenever it happens.

["I am running on 2 hours of sleep, crippling isolation and lonliness, and I haven't been able to keep any food down for three days, I am not in the mood" glare is enough to sen them running for the hills.]

[-this fact breaks Wukong's heart, and it breaks Macaque to when he later learns that was with child the whole time because having a peacful life and a family was all he really ever wanted.]

[the egg was "no troop, these are not prime baby raising conditions, i stay here longer"] + [the lack of being in the right headspace to care for an infant is also probably another reason for the egg to "turn down the heat", not able to be mentally there for child, child says in womb till he can.]

Pretty much yeah!

Stone Monkeys only have this backup for the absolute last resort when things are at their worst enviroment-wise. No mate, no troop, no support system, no mental health = Egg ain't moving. Think of it like the formation of a geode - it can do it either over a natural couple of centuries, or in a few months with intervention.

"Asleep" Stone Monkeys who are still buried know that they're unlikely to ever be recovered, but their egg can still be found by other troops and hatch in response to socialization even thousands of years on.

However, "Awake" Stone Monkeys with an Egg cooking need to have an active support system in place for the baby's development to progress faster/less riskily. By shuting out the outside world, all Wukong did was accidentally set the Egg to "sleep mode".

Sadly, even if Wukong was wrong and his body identified baby!MK harmlessly as a troop member - SWK simply wasn't in the mental headroom to raise a whole baby without someone to help him.

[does MK remember Monkey King, or is it a "I just met an actual god/my fav hero of legend and their pregnant" kind of awkward?]

The second one mostly. MK honestly can't remember his earliest memories beyond the sight of SWK's egg fragment + possibly Nuwa, and thats with supernatural help.

In a slightly sad note, it's possible MK *remembers* being held by someone soft with a round belly + gold eyes. He assumes throughout his life that this person was his birth mother before he was given up/orphaned.

[this likely wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Wukong and Macaque actually having a bad break up]

MK is right in his own way XD

[Wukong def brags that he's had the longest pregnancy out of any immortal now.]

Wukong's been carrying the egg since the Journey days, about the Tang Dynasty (690-907 AD)/irl Xuanzang's departure in 629. So that Stone Egg been slow boiling from anywhere between 1394 to 1116 years. 0_o

Either way SWK has beaten Lao Tzu/Zi's mom (pregnant for 62-80 years), and def brags about that fact to whatever immortal will hear.

[DBK def learns about it because he overhears the deeply concerning conversation between SWK and LBD while their tied up, him being tied up close to Wukong and all.]

DBK overhears LBD making threatening references to Wukong's conditon and immediately interrupts her villainy bs to yell at his sworn brother.

(inside the giant Spider Mech) LBD: "All will fall into place soon. Even with the unexpected additon of your... future heir." *guestures hand around SWK's stomach* DBK, furious ans still wrapped in web: "WHAT!?!? HEIR?! SUN WUKONG!! Are you so reckless that you'd fight even when your unborn child could have been harmed!?" Wukong, wrapped in less-tight web: "Not the best time DBK. I can handle it." LBD: "Quite. Then again it is all in char-" DBKm interrupting: "REALLY BROTHER?! YOU DIDN'T TRUST ME TO KNOW!? If I was aware of your condition - I would have never dared to invoke your anger! Even my beautifully ruthless wife would agree with me!" LBD: *glares at DBK in annoyance* "Ahem." Wukong, ignoring her: "I couldn't let you guys know! Look, I've been fine on own for centuries now!" LBD: "Exc-" DBK, super-concerned: "CENTURIES!?! WERE YOU WITH CHILD DURING THE RITUAL!?!" *DBK busts out of his bindings and gently grabs SWK* DBK: "LADY GUANYIN WILL TAN BOTH OUR HIDES WHEN SHE HEARS ABOUT THIS!" LBD: *gives up and leaves*

[DBK busting open the dining room door with Red Son tucked under his arm: DARLING WE'RE GONNA BE GODPARENTS!!!!]

After the initial shock wears off, PIF immediately summons a catalog to look for baby shower supplies. This is a monumentous occassion! She ofc assumes it's Macaque's fault (she's not wrong XD) and that this might be her future sworn niece/nephew! She simply must organise everything for her idiot sworn brother and his mate!

Red blinks in confusion before confronting the Monkie Kid gang about it later. Mei demands PIF's contact details right that second so that they can swap party ideas.

[even though an answer is what he wanted it takes a moment to process that he had been right, then he lashes out when more questions came to mind. how? when? for how long? who's the other parent?]

Even with knowing how Stone Eggs works, Macaque has such a mental 404 error at the news that he's reduced to yelling garbbled questions at the gang until they leave awkwardly.

[...was there still hope he could have the life he wanted with his Sun?]

Macaque spends most of S3 trying to bat away any thoughts/predictive sounds of a happy domestic life him and Wukong cna have together.

[it's such a simple thing, but it's a certain type of soft kindness he hasn't felt in years, that he missed very deeply, the domesticity of it, makes him feel like his moon really is his again. he bursts out crying and almost sends them both to the ground when he collapses into Macaque for a hug.]

I just love this image. The possession being broken by Macaque expressing softness, his vunerability, to Wukong. And the possessed King snapping out of it since he's so conflcitingly overwhelmed by the joy of having his Moon back again + the weakness he feels.

[egg was hungry, and SWK was feeling drained after being possessed, LBD was right their and strong and had hurt the egg's parent. so LBD gets nommed on. naturally.] + [the can't see it happen, but they all feel an absurdly powerful force emanating from SWK suddenly tearing apart and absorbing LBD's soul. everyone's a little shook up by that one.]

Yuebei's first immortal kill is in fact LBD, preformed before she was even born. Once the switch "flipped" on the possesed SWK, the Egg recognised LBD as both a threat to her parent and a tasty source of Dao, hence; nom-nom-nom.

All thats left behind of the ancient bone demon is a picked-clean skull. The Ten Kings and Yama feel this hungry act from beyond the Realms and wonder *what* creature could have created such a great power vacuum.

[the egg was like, "I just got a massive meal, and the whole troop is here now, guess it's time to come out now".]

Ah, a fellow party crasher, just like her baba. Wukong and Macaque can barely enjoy the bowl of noodles they've stolen (in good humor) from MK when Wukong's face just drops from a shift in his body.

[Tang's fanboying over meeting the Guanyin is stifled only by the painc of egg on the way.]

Tang: "Oh gracious Buddha! The bodhisattva Guanyi herse-- oh gosh this is a lot grosser than I was expecting..." *gets woozy and hides face in Pigsy's chest*

[but what if the dark fur actually comes from Wukong's longing to be with macaque as a family again] + [Macaque def cries when she has dark fur like him, makes him feel more like he's possibly a bio parent]

Oooo! Wukong's emotional need to be reunited with his mate was so great that it impressed upon the Stone Egg itself.

Imagine how much crying would be involved if little Yuebei just so happened to be born six-eared as well? Macaque and Wukong would never stop sobbing over how cute their baby is!!

Macaque is still very much assumed by the demonic/celestial/mortal public not in the know of Stone Eggs, to be Yuebei's other bio parent. Hard to refute their claims when the little Monkey Princess has such lovely midnight-dark fur and glowing ears.

[I like to think he would talk to the egg whenever he was alone while pregnant, and was also always humming to them, maybe the infant somehow knows some of those tunes he was humming and tries to mimic them fresh out of the egg.]

Thats so super adorable I love it! <3

Wukong loved talking to the Egg when he was on his own on the island. He'd talk to it about what his old Pilgrim brothers were like, what happened in Heaven, his early days on the mountain, and how much he wishes to be there to see all the little havoc's she'll cause in the future. He def recorded a tape + wrote letters to Yuebei before she was born ala "For Steven" in Steven Universe... just in case his immortality didn't work in the end.

Babies can hear things going on on the outside irl as early as 14 weeks along - it's how they become acclimated to the voices of their family. Little Yuebei spent so much time in the "final run" hearing show tunes, action movies, and the voices of Wukong's new found family/troop that she thinks theses are all "good noises"!

As Yuebei looks around at her "troop" she tries matching a "good sound" to them. Everyone is just aww-ing at her tiny chirping mimicry, and burst out laughing when she gets to Pigsy and makes a deep sound they swear sounds like "freeloader!".

Her pre-natal eavessdropping does however, lead her to fall asleep to the heavy metal soundtrack of the Monkey Cop series. XD

[Azure was perhaps a little too lost in his triumph and day-dreaming to notice the ultra powerful infant he was holding beginning to grow restless and playful, one of his many mistakes. especially seeing as she had little to no strength control at such a young age.]

Yuebei decided that "Kitty" wasn't playing with her, wasn't holding her right, and wasn't even singing to her! And she wanted to make her frustrations known.

I love these mass responses, even if it takes some time for me to reply. Ty so much for your interest!

[sophaeros]

golden trunks theory but i've forgotten how to do literary analysis:

so i think much like a lot of tbhc golden trunks is about a juxtaposition between intimacy/desire and the facade u have to put up as a public figure

like the opening verse/chorus are so starkly plain in the mental image they describe. it's just a simple portrait of an intimate night falling asleep together, and theres a very secretive tone created by the words "whispered" "admit". so from the get go we know immediately that it's about "true love" → romantic connotations, and this true love is associated w the night ie secrecy

this is a stark contrast to the second verse and bridge but esp the bridge where he plainly says "in the daytime". usually the day and light are associated w truth and revealing things but here he uses the daytime to talk about "a fresh new pack of lies", in contrast to the nighttime's "true love". the fact that the bridge is about being a celebrity and contending with lying for the sake of public relations is made very clear w how he says "bendable figures" → public figures who just bend/conform to the narrative crafted by pr managers, and most obviously w the use of the word "publicise". in an interview w la times hes asked if he enjoys being a pop star (w all the pressure and attention that entails) and he says "i have very little basis for comparison. the band has been going on for a larger fraction of my lifetime than it hasn’t." so as a very private person even leaving conspiracy theories about sexuality aside hes obv familiar w trying to keep the details of his relationships out of the spotlight. + this idea of the nighttime being the time for truth has been used before in diwk so it's a consistent theme

lots of people say the song about politics bc of the second verse cuz they say it's about (eugh) donald trump but i feel like thats a very surface reading. it's very out of place to me for him to have this randomass political commentary in a love song that he never brings up ever again which is why i dont think it's actually political commentary (or well, not Just, the pitchfork interview shows that is Is aware of politics obv it's just not the Point) it's just another angle to illustrate the idea of a public facing facade. he states in an interview that he thought of the wwf, which has given us the very interesting concept of kayfabe: the fact or convention of presenting staged performances as genuine or authentic. the public persona, like a wrestler w a dramatic theme song, is larger than life, rehearsed, beloved and famous, and also very much fake. 

this next part i said entirely as a joke making shit up while talking to my mutuals but then i was like wait maybe i was cooking. we're getting into more speculative rpf territory here but essentially i thought it was very interesting how he specifies that this is "the closest thing to a love song on this record", and also that the character it's centred around is one that he "made". many of his past love songs everyone knows are about his real actual love interests (eg shes thunderstorms was about alexa. alexa was a tv presenter) and now here's this song that is about simple, straightforward admittance of desire towards someone that doesnt exist. summed up in my og message to my mutuals, "hes singing to the amalgamation of his lovers an imaginary ideal to whom he can be simple and honest with in a way he can't quite bring himself to be in real life". i honestly feel like this gels well with the ultracheese's last two lines; a vague admission of guilt, of complicated feelings, vs capitulating to honesty and tiring of lying for the sake of pr ("i'm sure you've heard about enough"). + i find it interesting that golden trunks is that only tbhc song that has never been performed live

++ this idea of duplicity and lying has come up a lot in his discography but in tbhc specifically the bside anyways has the line "what a place for both the opposite sides / of my double life to finally collide"

and finally. the absolute funniest part of golden trunks.

Let me set the scene: sometime between Axl Rose getting braids (2002) and People Just Do Nothing jumping the shark (right now), those brothers in melodic yarns Turner and Kane, plus “another human being” – let’s call her “The Girl”, shall we, to save her poor mother’s heart condition? – are intertwined among the postcoital flotsam of an upmarket hotel room. “Hey, I’m glad you came,” Turner is alleged to have said, forever on the right side of etiquette and politeness in such matters. While Kane, in his sludgy Scouser lilt acknowledged, “Ah, thanks, man.” At which point Turner sat bolt upright in his sparkly gold briefs (unconfirmed) to stress who, in fact, his grateful aside was aimed at: “Not you, you wally. Her!”

sauces: - quotes curated by genius - la times - gq magazine / tumblr post

[002yb]

Jason feeling miserable bc of some mf telling him that the only way he had to gain Dicks attentionwas by resurrecting bc theres no way in hell Dick would've been with him if not. And Dick about to kill this mf bc how could someone not want Jason? Even before his death and resurrection he was perfection all along.

The punkass spewing that vitriol? It's Jason.

Influenced with something that forces the truth out of him and unfortunately most of Jason's truths are his boundless insecurities.

And Jason hates it, but they're there - caught in his throat and spilling past clenched teeth because they're too many. They suffocate him, overwhelming him until they can be spoken out into the world and made more real than Jason wants to let them be.

Everything about Jason that he kept so close to his chest? Exposed.

Oh, all of this but not even particularly dickjay (yet)

Where Jason bites his lip bloody and nearly bites through his tongue to keep himself from letting anyone know how deeply hurt and disturbed he is. Some things he's admitted before, others need to die with him a second time:

'He took me away from you,' because that wasn't a manipulation - it was so heartrendingly genuine.

'You saved Robin, but not me,' because while Jason understands it, while he's made his peace with the why of it all, it still hurts; it doesn't matter how irrational it is.

'I cried for you,' and 'I shouldn't have clawed my way out of that grave,' and 'it would have been better if I suffocated six feet under - no one would have known,' and oh dear this could go so many different routes??

Something something Jason struggling with self-image issues after the pit because he doesn't recognize the body that's his as being him

(It's not that he doesn't like it; it's a weapon better suited to everything he's ever wanted to be. Strong enough to overpower someone in a brawl, big enough to act as barrier and shield, imposing enough to be intimidating whether he tries to be or not)

More something something about Jason not feeling good enough for the family with all their conditional love and conditional acceptance; what is Jason's worth beyond what he can give to others? He'll give and give because it's the only way he knows to make anyone stay (and yet even then he ends up alone)

Endless hurt scenarios, really. And Jason doesn't have a say in the matter; he can't shut himself up. It's violating in a way he's never experienced before - as bad as when he was a child, when he was thrown in the pit, etc etc.

And then it gets to Dick. And maybe they aren't together quiet yet? But they're friendly. And Jason feels hope in it and hope is such a scary fucking thing.

But the ugly insecurities come out: how Dick only feels any sort of warmth towards Jason because of how the cosmos brought Jason back from its fringes - because Death turned Jason away. Because Dick has his hero complex. He has a need to save people that are falling, only Jason isn't falling anywhere, he's fallen; crashed and burned.

It must be guilt. All the attention Dick affords him a superficial thing so that Dick can repent and feel better about their lacking relationship from a lifetime ago.

Because there's no way Dick actually cares or likes him or respects him. Not a fucking chance. Why the fuck would he? Golden boy wanting a black sheep? Hah...

Jason trembling from how he fights to keep all those truths to himself, those vulnerabilities. Eyes wet with unshed tears -- all resentment towards himself and frustration because shut up, shut up, shut up

Every time Dick tries to protest something Jason says, Jason fights back. More and more vicious. All his bluster and bravado falling away to expose just how tormented he is by himself.

There's no talking through it - not when Jason is still in the throes of whatever he was dosed with

So Dick wrestles Jason into a hug instead. Holding Jason tight despite how Jason initially fights him to get away before holding fast to Dick's back and dropping his head into Dick's shoulder

It's miserable for Jason. Humiliating and violating and he hates it. Make it stop. Shut him up.

Dick shares vulnerabilities of his own

Terrible things, vulnerable things

But he turns his head into Jason's and his voice is steady, his hold on Jason firm and assuring

Jason protesting because Dick doesn't need to do this

And Dick knows. He does it anyway until eventually it's just Dick talking. The things he says doesn't hurt Jason's heart as badly as time passes. Eventually, Dick shares softer things. Like what he likes about Jason; the things that stayed the same (that biting wit and sharp tongue and playful orneriness; his bravery and compassion and kindness - how tough he is and how it contrasts a beautiful sensitivity. More and more until Jason is lulled into a calm trance by the pitch and cadence of Dick's voice, how it rumbles through his chest, a pleasant thrum before Jason has enough sense to raise his hand and cover Dick's mouth because stop -- stop.

The tips of Jason's ears stained red. Same as the back of his neck. And Dick can't see Jason's face, but he can feel the heat in it.

Dick smiling into the press of Jason's hand and letting that silence speak for him: his genuine awe and fondness and affection

[electricpurrs]

anyways this was way harder than it should be, but i looked really hard trying to find the source for this #funny edgy wolf meme.

in this higher resolution version of the pic you can see the artist's signature on the bottom left, it all indicates this was drawn by Deviantart user Vvlad-vVolfen. the thing is that though their deviantart account is still up, their gallery is empty and all their artwork, including this one, seems to have been deleted. it says on their profile they've been on the site for 22 years, for instance deviantart launched in 2000.

the best guess i can make as to when this drawing was made is 2016 or before, because i happened to find an ancient blog post from 2016 showcasing "28 astonishing anthro art" this one being there and them being nice enough to credit the artist, linking directly to a post on Vvlad-vVolfen's deviantart, though if you click on it now it takes to a 404 page

i tried looking up their profile on the wayback machine, but unfortunately theres very few snaps of it, the oldest one being from 2019, when they had already deleted all their art :(

makes me sad to see this person's pretty much entire lifetime of work and art be lost to time, with their only remaining drawing in the public mind being another example of Funny Furry Cringe. hope theyre still out there making art, wherever they are now

[wiltking]

Do you have any lgbt+ book recs that are rlly heart breaking, squeezing, throbbing and mind exploding ?

come. take my hand. the hexslinger trilogy by gemma files is one of Thee most painful literary experiences of my life. it will make you want to punch drywall and throw up and scream cry and i dont say this lightly. i Do Not recommend it to just anyone. it is crafted to make your blood pour out of every pore until all thats left is a dry raisin husk.

rodrigo of caledon by david feintuch is where heartbreak goes to haunt you forever. its angry and griefstricken and messy and the 'what could have been's will worm so deep into your bones youll rage. and rage. and rage. but what can be done, when the greatest lengths have already been taken? when even everything itself, is not enough?

if you want one thats still mind exploding and heart rending but has an actual happy ending that wont make you stay up all night questioning all your choices while you go on with the rest of your life pretending youre fine when youre the furthest thing from fine and you dont know if you'll ever be fine again, the rifter by ginn hale.

if youre tired of me reccing these same 3 series over and over (even though theyre some of the best), take your chances with:

the edda of burdens by elizabeth bear. might have a happy ending, if you squint, but is it worth it? the thousands of years worth of pain? the tragedy that spans more than one lifetime and into reincarnation? if it isnt worth it, for the sake of love, than what is? (start with by the mountain bound btw, then -> windwracked stars -> sea thy mistress)

captive prince by c.s. pacat. you either love it or you hate it and everyone who considers it 'good' but in all my years of reading lgbt fiction this one still coasts near the top of the list as some of the most compelling and heart ripping romance. the hardest to stomach scenes are thrown at you right at the start of the first book but the journey (and ending) will grip you close and convince you love is real

the faerie hounds of york by arden powell. this ones sad. genuinely.

a royal affair by john wiltshire. angsty enough to bruise and gentle enough to hurt in an entirely new way. theres joy and hope and love in every corner of darkness, if thats more in line with what youre hungering for, or just need a balm after anything else ive just attempted to inflict upon you. the sequel is good too.

[hanasnx]

i'm so invested in you and beef's love story !! how did you guys meet i need all the deets i swear this is like lifetime for me

part two

i love that lmfao but yea let me tell you about how we met. i love telling this story :)

so i used to be a leasing agent at the apartment complex i lived at, and my boyfriend (beef, for short) was a resident there. my job was to technically take care of his needs and i was absolutely not supposed to fraternize with residents per my employee contract. i remember one of the first times i really saw him was when i came into work kinda sick and i felt like shit and my boss told me to clean the coffee machines bcos a resident wanted coffee and it wasnt working. so i was all huffy like "ughhh fineee ok. fuck this resident ugh making me do my job or whatever" and i go over to clean the machine and lo and behold its beef. and im obvi like "damn this guy's kinda cute" and he was so polite too, saying thank you when i was done.

id see him around the complex, like when he'd come to get coffee or when hed take his dog to the dog parks and id be driving around in our golf cart, or when he'd come in to get an air filter bcos we provided those.

another time i saw him again was when he had called in that his rent amount was incorrect, and my boss explained to me that it is correct and that i needed to print out his ledger and give it to him so he can see for himself. now, i had no idea who he was, or that he was the "coffee-guy" from the first part of the story, so im all grumbly again like "ugh! i have to go alll the way over to drop off this ledger like doesnt he know how the rent works?? hes been living here long enough" and i drive over and i knock on the door all huffy and he opens it and i remember how awe struck i was. it was like the slow motion meet cutes in movies. he said hi and i froze up. i was all like "heres your ledger with your rent amount, take a look at it and call me if you've got any further questions" real tight lipped and profesh about it.

at this time i was seeing this other guy in a fwb situation, and we ended up breaking it off which i was actually pretty bummed about, and it was pretty hard to be in my bedroom after that cos i'd just think about that guy, right? i couldnt stay in my room. now where one of the coffee machines are was in the clubhouse where there was also a tv and i brought my ps4 and hooked it up so i could play batman: arkham knight somewhere other than my bedroom. i played for a bit before beef came in. while he was making his coffee late at night, he asked about the game, and we got to talking about the games we like to play, why he was drinking coffee this late was cos of his job at the time, etc etc. it was our first real conversation. i still have an instagram post from that night where i talked about "the hot resident"

conversations began easier after that. hed come in for coffee often (he told me later he started using the machine he didn't like, the one next to my work desk, just so he could be close to me and talk to me). i thought he was so fucking cute, i'd gush about him to my fave coworker (who i still keep in touch with) and i remember looking at her when beef was walking up and i was like "how do i look does my hair look okay" and i pulled out the hair tie i was wearing. and she let me get his air filter for him.

this was so long already, but if you'd like to hear more, let me know. theres more to the story :)

[s0lar-ch3ri]

what if i just rambled

like ik people have thoughts that they cant get out but what if i became so autistic enough that i understood the blorbo and- fuck it lets talk about a jrwi character again (spoilers obvi)

i couldnt choose between ollie and jay but i feel like ollie i got more to talk about for so ill do him first then jay cause they feel very connected for no fucking reason

so i think everyone acknowledges that ollie is just a kid but he really isnt just a kid? like he semi has the mind of an adult from the usage of the compass, because it didnt just mature him physically, but mentally too. from what i can guess, it was slow and unnoticeable until it was too big for ollie to know how to handle. thats when ollie was a kid.

yet ollie adapted, and while he really was 12 for that time still, he wasnt a kid. he grew up for a bit, he was an adult. and thats what scared him. because we all have been scared of growing too fast. so when ollie had that hit him like a truck, he didnt want to leave bed and shit. yet he became the adult his body reflected. sure, he never was fully an adult, but thats because hes not just an adult, hes still a kid.

and after he had adjusted to it, he got to have it for a couple more days. then it was gone. all the growth was now unnecessary and he didnt know what to do again. yet he didnt handle it like he did the first time. he thought about it. and again, he got over it. yet he didnt let go of what maturing so quick taught him, and hes still grown after. because hes something in between an adult and child, yet its not a teen or something.

another thing to note: ollie didnt have a say every fucking time. when he aged up, he didnt ask for it. he asked for a way to get him home and maybe it brought out another desire ollie had inside him by using it so much (touching on that more later). when ollie adjusted, he didnt ask to. he probably just wanted to curl away in that blanket and hide, because it was scary out there. yet somewhere inside he thought earl was right (earl calls him a baby or smth because he just keeps on staying in bed) and forced himself to adapt the new adult body. and when he was aged back, he didnt get a say. chip just decided it, thinking thats what ollie wanted. and he did, he did want to be a kid again. yet he wasnt ready yet. but when would he be?

so why do i bring up so much his lack of input? because it sounds similar to how he got onto the albatross. he first was taken from his home, then working with marshal jon, then working with the albatross. now being so amazed by the sea yet scared of its dangers hes been accustomed to quite a bit now, soon enough hes going back home and has to act like he didnt have the most terrifying and great adventure of his lifetime (another detail i wanted to add is theres no way jon and ollie didnt encounter some form of sea monsters or danger after being out at sea so long, we jsut arent told anything about it so yeah extra trauma thoughts).

so to me, ollie's lying (like his dad aka chip would /j). to me, ollie's desire wasnt just to return home. i doubt it was more then just a whiff of a thought that loomed in ollies head. because yeah, he wanted to go home, but not yet. he wanted to be on the ship longer, but not jsut that. he wanted to be able to help his friends. he didnt like seeing his friends come back beaten and bruised, yet being in the corner doing nothing. and he was told by chip that when he was older he could hang out with them on the ship again. so ollie, unknowing of consequences that could happen, wishes for not just a way home, but a way to help. i literally could write theory shit for this cause its not just thoughts for once! niklaus has said that the people's desires can twist from their greed, and maybe ollie didnt realize his greed (or the amount he was asking to be brought real was "greedy" and ollie didnt notice) so it twisted his desire (it being the compass), thus why niklaus doesnt understand what happened with ollie, because accidentally beign greddy can happen, or being greedy in the eyes of another.

i literally dont think ill have the motivation to wrap this up yet so ill do so later

[tarnished-angelcoric]

As a fellow working adult system, can I ask about what kind of job you have? We're finding it extremely difficult to agree on any kind of job and actually just turned in our 2 weeks at the current one because several alters are deeply unhappy with it. I feel like none of us can agree on what we want, especially long term career stuff. How did you find your work? Is it fulfilling enough for everyone? If someone doesn't like it, how do you manage to cope with that?

Sorry for all the questions, just been very stressful job hunting when no one likes anything and I was wondering if you had any advice/ your experience with it.

-In Calus

no thats so real. honestly, finding work,, really sucks jdbsjdbjd its definitely not easy. we're in a position where we kind of Have to work to support ourselves, theres really not any way around it. ill try and answer all of your questions in order.

so we work in retail at a mall, which is. a monster all of its own, but its what we have. we've had other jobs too: food service (dont recommend, sucks ass), food delivery (stuck with this for 2 yrs and honestly wouldve stayed longer if we hadnt moved, this one was actually pretty okay), and at an animal shelter (had to leave bc we're physically disabled also and the work put too much strain on the body, but otherwise really liked it, work was pretty solo so socializing wasnt an issue). honestly id say retail isnt an Ideal job for a system unless youre relatively under control, it can certainly go haywire. only reason we have this job is bc we had just moved and were Desperate for work, applied to a billion places and took the first one that got back to us lol. *i* personally dont mind it. we dont all share the same opinions about it, but we are mostly in agreement that you gotta do what you gotta do, yknow? this probably isnt a lifetime career for us, but itll hold us until we can find one.

our system is a little bit tricky in the fact that im the one whos fronting the majority of the time, and so for the most part, the bodys life is "my" life. almost everybody else really only fronts on occasion, and so i tend to take the lead on bodily decisions. i dont want to call it "my" life, but when it comes to things like that (especially work), thats kind of how it is yknow? and since im almost always fronting, i tend to be the one that deals with work unless its a rare occasion where im triggered enough to be pulled from front.

i wouldnt say that our job is fulfilling to everyone, i dont think? there are certainly those of us who dont like it, especially the social aspect. those parts tend to not front during work, unless something goes awry and they Need to be pulled forward – though, we've been in therapy long enough that those of us who Dont mind working can handle it okay.

its really just a thing of. we Cannot move back in with family, thats Not an option. and unfortunately, in order to Not move back in with family, we Have to work. we dont really have any other viable options. so none of us really Love our job, but we do what we have to in order to survive. n so even the parts that Hate work will do it if they have to. a lot of it just comes down to us being realistic with ourselves and knowing that we have to do things we dont like sometimes in order to make ends meet. n obviously our situation is different from some peoples in the sense that i as the host am almost always fronting and rarely leave front, so mostly everybody else doesnt have to worry too much about work because i can usually handle it.

finding a proper Lifelong Career has always been harder for us, n we tend to hop around between things quite a bit. its again a thing where its Mostly up to me, because ill be the main one dealing with it, but its still hard to come to a consensus that everyone will like. we still havent found that answer, truthfully. we liked helping at the shelter, bc it was pretty solitary work and didnt require a lot of socializing, but unfortunately it doesnt seem to be a good option with the direction our physical health is going.

i wish i could say that it was easy, i wish i could give you the magic puzzle piece to solve the problem. but for us it really is just a matter of Life Sucks But You Do What You Gotta, and that will have to do until we can find something better. i wish you guys the best of luck with finding something that works for you, and you can always talk to us if you have any questions or need anything <3

other working systems feel free to weigh in if you have anything to offer!

[melissa-titanium]

the thing that comes with being a mel past/future life is that theyre often very insightful or emotionally inclined. but not necessarily smart about it? i think theres a lot of comparisons between them but one of the biggest is how they percieve the people arounf them.

mel often submerges himself in the negative side of things. actively avoids looking at the positives because he's ingrained his own hateful ideas of others into himself so harshly that he would not willingly fathom the idea that others can be good, that others can change. if he's a lost cause, then everyone else is too. a lot of his rage internalized during his youth, accumulating from years of believing he was never good enough & emotional neglect/verbal abuse from his mother into something terrible and ugly that never quite left him even after he started going out on his own. he recieved the short end of the stick one too many times and decided that's all he wanted to give back to the world. he derived enjoyment from hurting others, believing it to be something that would heal him, and being stubborn to never accept help from anyone via any other means.

oryx is stubborn. he's constantly up to his neck in the negative side of things because of mel's direct influence, but he refuses to be overwhelmed by it. with similar determination to mel, he fiercely believes in the idea that others can change, its okay to reach out for help & no one is inherently better than anyone else -- SOLELY to spite mel. a lot of his mindset came from interacting with trout. oryx was notoriously a very emotional teenager, often acting out because of the stress thay camr with his unique ability to see ghosts. he hated it, he hated himself for hating it & wanted nothing more than to be rid of them -- actively abandoning his community in favor of travelling the land to find a way to free himself of the mental burdens of whispers from past lifetimes. ultimately, he came to no meaningful conclusion and went back to his old life. his outlook changed vastly when he met trout, a beacon of hope for his and everyone else's future.

draco has a very unique way of thinking. she doesn't have access to the complexity of actual psychological studies like literally every other character here, so she bases everything she thinks off of what she's personally experienced, and describes things in a way she understands because she doesn't have any terms to associate with them. she believes there is good in most people. she believes the good can come out in ways that arent very obvious sometimes. sometimes they try to supress it, or hide it under something else -- obligation, guilt, selfish desire, but truthfully everyone at their core holds kindness. she believes some people are bad for one reason or another, but can change. most things surpass her understanding; and from then on she will label them as complicated. people will say things when they mean another thing. some people will do things they dont want to, because something is telling them they have to. more than anything, she is curious about the prospect of hurting others to relieve your own hurt. its an entirely foreign concept to her. the idea of hurting someone else is preposterous enough, but doing it with the intention of making yourself feel better? unfathomable, to her. alot of her thoughts can easily be simplified down into "if anyone is hurt, then its bad. they are bad."

trout is easily considered the opposite of mel. she tries to hold a balance, but fully believes anyone and everyone is capable of change & kindness. she's always been naturally curious and highly insightful. she can see the good in anyone, and is determined to pry it into the light regardless of how deep it may be buried. unfortunately, she tends to try and distract herself with solving others problems so she can neglect solving her own. growing up with no meaningful connections to any mature figures in her life lead her to turn to other sources, submerging herself in fantasies and dramatic tellings of peoples emotions and lives. this lead to her having a somewhat analytical view of people's personalities, breaking them down into traits and repeated actions & molding herself into the perfect match for the traits she had assigned those people. despite her natural urge to change herself for others, she learns through future connections that she doesn't have to do that & tries to be more self aware.

i dont think i. described anyome here very strongly because idont have everyones backstory perfectly developed het but. bu.

[evilpredefined]

I think I posted about this before but genuinely where the hell do you even go to get help anymore.

all the shrinks are just hacks who play the same shitty tricks that barely help and if it does help its only people who've barely got problems, or you have to suck their dick for months on end for them to finally admit that this CBT garbage is literally worthless for anyone with more than mild depression. alongside this they cost such a ridiculous amount of money it isnt even fucking worth it

pyschwards are just institutionalized abuse buildings designed to hurt people from the inside out and give sick fucks a power fantasy. propping itself up by tricking people who think it might help and ruining their fucking life, throwing people in there like its prison, or being an out for dogshit worthless parents who are sick of their kid and would rather have them completely deconstructed than act like a human being for more than 5 fucking seconds

my meds and all the drugs you can get from your doctor help a whole lot in all honesty but theres a point where that just doesn't work anymore. plus it hurts your fucking wallet out here in the US hotlines are just worthless attempts for politicians and organizations to pretend they care while all the operators can do is just read off a shitty script and go "oh im so sorry you went through so much" the only reason one of those hotlines stopped me from doing anything is that It kept me on that shitty line trying to get the operator to literally say anything of value to the point i fucking blacked out

my hobbies feel worthless and this constant climbing financial pressure makes me feel less and less human hanging out with my friends feels like wasted time and usually doesn't get more of a reaction out of me than just a kind of dry stinging in the back of my head. knowing my art wont go anywhere due to a lack of dedication and interest stings, knowing that im not disciplined or privileged enough to snake my way into a STEM career hurts, knowing that shit is just gonna get worse in my lifetime fucking hurts to

I'm not gonna kill myself before you give me that annoying condescending bullshit. and before you say "oh being open and loving your friends and blah blah blah blah" like 65% of the abuse i've gotten hit with and an instance of me getting raped has been from those people I thought I could be open with so fucking excuse me for being jaded with this constant toting of """"community"""" while half the people in so-called community just see me as a fuck-toy cause of my presentation and the other half see me as a fucking reprehensible monster. go fuck yourself im so sick of so much shit