#theres a lot here so this is about to be interesting
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a collection of note doodles now that the semester is over
#its a lot#not all of them but a good handful#you get bonus points if you can guess the class i drew them in#doodles#my art#toasterfireart#theres a lot here so this is about to be interesting#uuuummmm#danmei#faraway wanderers#Tian Ya Ke#wenzhou#zhou zishu#wen kexing#zhang chengling#theres also the tiny cao wiening and gu xiang#qi ye#lord seventh#jing beiyuan#wushuang#peerless#cui buqu#feng xiao#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#xianle trio#xie lian#feng xin#mu qing#good luck with all that
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HELLOOOOOOO i got super into vocaloid (GIANT EXPLOSION)
#sorry for disappearing!!!!! i had some personal stuff going on#and wasnt feeling good at all :( but i am back now B) hello#the last one is a redraw of a symphony keychain i want it soooo bad#IVE ALWAYS BEEN INTO VOCALOID BUT NOT LIKE. TO AN INSANE DEGREE LIKE I AM RN#AUUUUAAAUUUHGHGHG#i love gumi btw ive been listening to a lot of gumi and luka songs THEYRE AWESOME#hoping that my brainrot lasts a long time LOL#i want to be sick in the head over an interest again + theres so much to vocaloid#liek ill be here for forever#EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO LOVE ANATOMIA BTW#BUT ANYWAY YEA THATS ABOUT IT OK BYEREEEEE#vocaloid#kasane teto#megurine luka#gumi megpoid#kaito#kagamine len#hatsune miku#初音ミク#巡音ルカ#鏡音レン#カイト#重音テト#felix art
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ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally
(+ cropped versions !)
#naddpod#ba2mia#ba2umia#solum bufo#swag daniels#calliope petrichor#calder kilde#alexandrite#posts by me dot com#okay..... SECRET TAGS RAMBLE!#so basically this superstition is like ... i think a chinese/buddhist/taoist superstition?#ive taken some creative liberties with it... but its mostly accurate to how its been told to me?#but of course theres lots of variations! some more abt bad luck; some say to tie it on the doorknob#etc etc ... lots a variations#i was also rlly interested in the .... weird illogic? of the thing?#like the red attracts and repels spirits at the same time#so thats something i was thinking about with too. red is assocuated with both swag and alexandrite. which to me was kinda reflecting like#i think what murph said . swags place in the wild is in a way. an extension of what he learned from the network#mothership s inextractivle from sol and swags lives. they will always be held doen by it. thats the spirit that will follow them forever#that they choose to hold on too! as much pain as it brought ... some of the experience was worth it#and anyway. theres somethingwrong w me that the minute someone brought up this superstition my brain went#'ohhh just like sol!' < needs to touch grass moment#but i CANT BELIEVE. CALDWELL DID THE RED STRING. AND ITS LITERALLY A MOURNING RITUAL#caldwell keeps accodentally makig that frog ASIAN. to MEEEE!!!!!!#but. anyway. idk. ive always hced sol kept the piece of yarn and it makes me kinda .... what if y let the malicious spirits follow you.#and haunt you. what if its the closest you can get to keeping the person still around#and sol and swag obviously have so much about homes .... so!#(ok. weve reached the pt where maybe nobodys reading? so confession is this is sort of a well. ive just been doodling this comic everyday#after a wake. and it was sort of inspired after realising i was even a bit sad about it maybe. so. idk its about sol but also?#i guess the projection doesnt end at him being asian. hehe. is what i mean. LOL. okay secret tags over . buried lore. dont look here folks)
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... i know you guys doubt the duffers or whatever when it comes to writing, but i will tell you they are not stupid enough to write in a random love interest for him for the last season
#actually listen to them talk about storytelling and writing choices#you'd actually notice theyre quite smart#and theyre not afraid to call an idea/trope dumb#theyre actually mindful of lots of things#biggest writing mistake they've made has to be adding so many characters#otherwise#i think you just have to wait for s5 to judge their writing#theres so much that needs to be revealed#and i promise u one of those things is NOT a new love interest for a character thats been here since episode 1#byler
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Aftermath
After waking up from a ten year stasis, Gordon finds himself back in the ruins of Black Mesa.
Notes: Hi half life fandom this is my first fic posted for HL. Also this is the first reveal of my HL au: Aftermath! So thats pretty neato, anyway hope you enjoy this short little prologue thing
Blackness was all he saw; darkness for miles, with pure nothingness filling the gaps. He couldn’t feel, see, or hear, and even trying to think of a single thing was proving to be a greater challenge than he’d expect. His thoughts blurred together into a sludge of meaningless ramblings, leaving him unable to process where he was, or how he got here. He had vague memories flashing in his mind, glimpses of concrete corridors and alien fauna. It was maddeningly barren, with the silence being enough to drive a man mad. How much time has passed since he arrived here? Has it been seconds? Days? Time itself felt nonexistent at that very moment, simply a construct that meant nothing in this place. It felt as if he was in a dream, trapped in his own head as he traversed his own subconsciousness, floating in a vague void, unable to act or react to anything that could possibly be in there. He all but gave up hope of escaping this dark Hell he had found himself in, until he felt himself being pulled by an invisible force, and abruptly, there was light.
Gordon’s senses came back to him as fast as a train crash, the feeling of barely healed fractures and lacerations coming back to him as his nerves fired. Ringing flooded his hearing, with the HEV’s computer voice, an artificial voice he came to despise, sounding muffled and making it hard to process any of the words being said to him. He couldn’t move, his limbs feeling as if they were being pinned down by a massive weight, as if he was on the bottom of the ocean. The numbing pain shot up his legs and arms, though despite his wishes, there was no way he could even scream, with his throat tight and his vocal cords useless. He couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes, with the weakness draped across his body making even that menial action nearly impossible. He began to wonder if the infinite void he was in before would be better than reality, with the idea of feeling nothing rather than feeling everything to a painful degree seeming like a better option than what he was forced to bear.
As he laid on the rubble, he began to hear something new past the waning ringing; footsteps approaching him. Gordon desperately wanted to move, to protect himself from the new danger, yet as much as he tried, his limbs refused to budge. Soon he realized it was multiple sets of footfall coming near, and soon, he began to make out a voice.
The words slurred together in his mind, making the message hard to decipher, but a few words cut clearer than others:
“Breathing. Freeman. Alive. Help. Out.”
Gordon felt his limp body being moved, raised from the ground by someone, or something, being dragged across the concrete floor to somewhere else. Despite his foggy mind, Gordon couldn’t help but consider the worst; Xen creatures dragging him elsewhere to slaughter him as he did to them, and Military personnel taking him somewhere to question, torture, or even execute him were among the possibilities his short-circuting mind had come up with. However, before he could even do anything to try and prevent whatever fate might befall him, he felt himself drifting off, falling unconscious yet again.
He slowly stirred awake once again to hear the sound of an engine running and tires rolling across a gravel road. He was almost afraid to open his eyes, yet when he gained the strength to do so, his eyelids opened and he took a brief glimpse around. Through his blurred vision, he saw he was in the backseat of some sort of vehicle, laid across the seats. His metal HEV pressed against his body awkwardly, making any movement he could make uncomfortable. His head was supported with a wadded-up hoodie, and his body was covered by a thin blanket that had been thrown onto him. It was strange to see simple kindness extended to him, though he couldn’t help but wonder if it was a trick to make him let his guard down. He glanced towards the front seats, seeing the back of the drivers head, but not who was in the passenger seat. They were speaking to one another, but yet again the words fell out of Gordon’s grasp. He felt himself beginning to drift off again, and despite his wishes to stay awake, he grew limp as he fell unconscious yet again.
When Gordon next woke up, he was greeted with cold air around him. As he was pulled out of unconsciousness, he began to hear rhythmic beeping beside him; something he immediately recognized as a heart monitor. Gordon felt as if a weight was taken off of him, and when he gained the strength to open his eyes again, he saw the reason why. His HEV suit was missing, and he was instead wearing a pale blue hospital gown from what he could gather. He was laying in a bed, with its stiff mattress, albeit uncomfortable, feeling like heaven compared to laying on the cold concrete floors of Black Mesa. He saw bandages covering parts of his body, old blood seeping into them. Past his bed however, he could barely make out anything, with everything being blurry and hard to make out. He must have lost his glasses somewhere, but it was the least of his worries as the pain began to seep in.
All his limbs felt sore, making it hard to move a single finger. His leg had a throbbing pain in his knee, and he felt as if he was being slashed with knives whenever he attempted to move his arms. His heart felt heavy and his lungs stinged with every breath. When was the last time he took a break to breathe? It felt like the days worth of fighting for his life hit him all at once, making him feel nearly paralyzed, and too tired to do anything to fight it. He began to wonder if it was best to be asleep; at least he wouldn’t have to think or feel. He began to wonder how he got here, racking his brain to try and bring up any clue of what had happened. The last thing he remembered before he woke up was being knee-deep in what he could assume was blood, staring up at something…he couldn’t even begin to describe. He killed the thing keeping the portal between earth and the border world open, so why did he feel so…empty? It felt as though his accomplishment meant nothing, as if he was missing something deep inside. He closed his eyes, attempting to fetch his blotted out memories for a shred of explanation, all before he shot his eyes open, a single image returning to his consciousness.
The man.
Gordon’s memories became clear as day when he remembered the man in the dull, navy blue suit. He remembered its unnaturally piercing eyes, staring deep into Gordon’s very being as if it was examining his very soul and regrets. He remembered its face, with it looking aged, yet it felt ageless at the same time. He remembered the unnatural way it stood, as if it was being held up with strings. He recalled the way it spoke to him as if it never spoke in its entire life before that very moment. He never got its name or its motivations, but something about remembering the man and its almost human facade caused his heart to skip a beat. Paranoia crept up in his mind, and the feeling of being watched began to be overwhelming. Something wasn’t right, as if something he didn’t see was coming after him. He needed to get out of here before it arrived.
Gordon forced his arms to move as he sat up in his bed, wincing before he turned to step out of bed, clasping the side of it with one of his shaking hands. As soon as he put weight on his leg, however, he collapsed onto the linoleum floor, ripping his IV out of his arm in the process. He let out a small squeak; the closest he physically could get to a scream, a pathetic noise that reminded him just how helpless he truly was at this moment. He pushed himself up as much as he could, arms shaking at the exertion, but he couldn’t get back onto his feet. As he tried to get off of the floor in vain, the door to the room opened, and a person appeared in the doorway. It was a nurse, coming into the room only to be greeted by Gordon unsuccessfully escaping his bed. She appeared surprised, immediately approaching him to help with getting him back onto the bed, despite his best tries to escape her grasp. She said a few things to try and comfort him, but Gordon couldn’t process the words before she quickly left the room, coming back with another doctor, presumably for help.
Gordon hated the fact he was back in the bed, with a new IV being attached and bandages being replaced. He wasn’t sure when the next threat would rear its head, and he needed to be prepared for when it did. Yet, he was all but incapable of doing anything of use, and he had to accept it. He could barely even move, less shoot a gun or swing a weapon at anything.
“Dr. Freeman?”
Gordon was surprised to finally make out what someone was saying, looking up at the doctor who had just finished reattaching his IV.
“You’re lucky to be alive,” He stated, almost smiling slightly. It was unclear if it was to try and make light of the situation or if it was relief. “Even more lucky to be awake right now. Though please, don’t try getting up again, alright? You might reopen stitches.”
Gordon stared at the doctor’s face blankly before leaning back and staring at the ceiling as the doctor continued talking.
“A couple of scavengers found you back at the ruins of Black Mesa, or, at least that's their story. You’ll have to speak with the police about the entire situation.” the doctor continued, “The Vortigaunt said you were lucky to be found in there, apparently had to drag you out of there.”
Gordon’s brows furrowed, not recognizing the word “Vortigaunt” despite the doctor bringing it up so casually. He looked back at the doctor with a puzzled look on his face.
“I’m sure everyone will be happy to see you’re alive,” The doctor chuckled, trying to make light of the situation despite Gordon not reciprocating the cheerful atmosphere. “You’ve been gone for a long time, so a lot of us thought you would never return.”
Gordon’s puzzled expression turned to a look of borderline anger, wanting to ask so many questions but being unable to; he didn’t even know if the doctor knew sign language, and he didn’t have paper to write on, that is if he had the strength to hold a pencil.
“You look…upset,” The doctor said, his smile fading, “I can understand why, but if it brings you any comfort, you have hundreds of thousands of people who were wishing for your return. You’re a hero, you know.”
Gordon doubted that sentiment.
“We…believe you were in a coma, sir,” The doctor glanced at his nurse, as if he wanted help breaking the news, “...one that lasted ten years, so you're...lucky to be alive at all.”
The doctor continued to explain the situation, claiming that Gordon was lucky to have his brain still functioning despite being asleep for that long, but the words went through one ear and out the other. Gordon didn’t process the doctor trying to speak to him, only staring into the wall behind him as he leaned back in his bed. He didn’t even blink once as reality seemed to become meaningless, dissociating as his brain wouldn’t even allow him to process the time lost. To him, he was gone for a few mere moments, but an entire decade had passed in the time it took him to escape the void he was in for a brief, yet agonizing time. He wondered if his friends had forgotten about him, if they were even alive after the Resonance Cascade; they almost certainly believed he was dead at the very least. Gordon had been dead to the world for so long, he felt surprised anyone came to rescue him at all. After all, who would rescue the man who caused so much death in the span of a few days? Was he supposed to go back into normal society after everything? Was he supposed to be praised as a hero, despite the fact he was just a lowly scientist who just wanted to survive?
Gordon wished to go back to sleep. Being awake felt more agonizing than the temporary stasis ever did.
#half life#HL Aftermath au#HL au#Gordon freeman#Aftermath Gordon#shmorp writes sometimes#yeah in basic terms this au is. “What if the combine never invaded earth and Gordon had to live with what happened in Black Mesa"#Also gordon was only in stasis for TEN years rather than 20#theres more to it but I figured posting a little writing snippet here would be a neat way to introduce the au itself#I have a lot to talk about with it but yeahg#No refs yet. I still need to draw Gordon's design. along with this au's Gman#but yeah if the aus interesting to you i'm up for questions! I will make my followers like Half Life I will /LHJ#Also hi writing jumpscare it was really just a last minute decision to post this so#Yeah hope you like it i'll stop rambling in the tags
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porky minch my beloved, i hate you, youre so beautiful, i want to kill you with a metal pipe,
#porky minch#mother 3#earthbound#theres a lot of symbolism in this design here#for example the abundance of angelic wings to contradict claus's more demon-like wings#and his soft colors once again contradicting claus#hes very obsessed with vanity or his own appearance (as a coping mechanism) so i made his outfit a little over the top to reflect that#idk i could go on and on about my porky hcs and everything he represents so if any of yall are interested lemme know and ill make a post
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im having an absolute unadulterated blast with the Ethersea prologue for many many reasons, it's beautiful and exceeds all my expectations.. but also. there's many moments here that genuinely make me go "oh god damn, these people are Americans." the Quiet Year system is a profoundly fascinating and revealing game - nothing tells you quite as much about how somebody sees the world than asking them to imagine a new one.
#customizable 'single family housing' the immediate adoption of a liberal economic system hierarchical gvt structures... and fish#especially when the whole set up is such a clear metaphor for climate change as the consequence of industrialization!#'single family housing' just rocked me so hard. that in the middle of an apocalypse we'd use resources towards that kind of individualism#and then they *do* kind of brush against that! with the idea of Community going down because of the inability to connect with neighbours!#the adventure zone#taz ethersea#mine#edit also not to understate that i do find the critique and allegory that is present to be really nice and genuinely exciting#the ending of prologue v goes SO HARD i was out of breath from the excited stimming#and i think my difficulty reading tone made me miss that the 'entrepeneur' thing was a joke? like theres still some#interesting biases at work here but maybe there's more insight than i gave it credit for. im curious about how ol' joshie's bs will develop#autistic anarchocommie netwon moments#also i wish theyd be less anxious about the brinear as a DID allegory i think it could be so interestinggg#we'll see. im really loving this show so far. taz has such a very special direct connection to my heart#i really like what theyre doing with this stuff even if sometimes i wish theyd do a lot more#the ending monologue of prologue v basically encapsulates most of the things about this that i find exciting and cool#i hope the transition to dnd will still allow them to bloom
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A somewhat heavy question, but if Clover was the only one to come back how do they feel about that? More importantly how do they feel about Asgore? I'd imagine that they of all people want Asgore to answer for the others (especially given the likelihood that they... didn't give their SOULS willingly ( on that note how is Asgore not in prison))
survivors guilt baby!!!! of course they’re happy to be back (they didn’t really want to die in the first place, no matter how many times they said they wanted to) but they cant help but feel bad for the previous fallen kids. the whole reason they went down there was to save them, and clover was the only one that could come back. its not like it’s they’re fault, they didnt KNOW or ASK to come back, but they just cant help feeling guilty.
they’ll always feel a little bitter that asgore didnt get any repercussions for what he did. they could never interact with asgore without remembering. i think if they had a long, solid conversation, clover could understand asgore a bit more, but they would definitely think asgore a coward for everything.
#monster clover au#asked and answered#undertale yellow#asgore and clover would have an interesting dynamic but im. so tired rn so i cant properly think about what it might be#but its along the lines of ‘clover will always be a little snippy and glare at asgore if theyre in the same room’ LMAO#they would need a lot of nuance and thought in their dynamic and thoughts about each other#i think theres a lot here i just. dont know what it is#im not a very analytical person….. i apologize…………..#mcau lore
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hey guys remember how jayson ferin would've been like 19 when jay was born and like 16 when ava was born. i don't really. have anything to add to that. just felt like saying it.
#idk there's something interesting about that when you think about how he was also climbing the navy ranks and around for jay's childhood#teen parent husband of malenia jayson ferin isthe same person as navy admiral proud legacy jayson ferin and yet they feel entirely divorced#theres a lot of character potential there like were he and may just really in love. was it related to the ferin legacy thing. a mix maybe.#how did we get here condi drop the ferin lore pleease#jrwi riptide#jrwi#jayson ferin#ive also seen people say condi mentioned jay having brothers in a just rolled but as i havent listened to them i can't verify that claim#super interesting though#also if ur wondering how i got those numbers supposedly jayson is canonically 40 so you take away jay's age of 21 and ava's 3 years over he
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more kiru-related foolishness based on @awittlebabbyboy and @brofightiscancelled's postgrad plan au. this may be a bit ooc but i think ichi would start acting more like his housewife friends when faced with someone a little younger than him
#my art#au#ichimatsu#ocs#kiru#SORRYYY i promise i really do love this au outside of what ichi + yana have going on theyre just so fun to draw#i hope you dont mind the oc sillies as well..... i just think their dynamic here has a lot of comedic potential#ichi dropping the craziest hints about knowing kiru but yana somehow Never picking up on them until he actually sees her#if that ever even happens. i just think theres a lot of potential there idk...#but im very very excited to see where the au goes in terms of family conflict!! so far its very interesting
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ive never seen this before. what the fuck. why? "you can make your gay wedding as long as the queer character isn't the leader anymore. the boy has to be the leader." what??
#steven universe#theres so many little ridiculous details im finding in the artbook about cartoon network's pushback on anything queer#a SIGNING CARD of ruby and sapphire DANCING had to be changed#not because of public reaction#not because of /international/ reaction even#but because people WITHIN THE NETWORK might see and catch on#what#i think a lot about how 'the network' isnt just one person#like how in a review of su from someone married to a cn staff member they said that the show really drew positive attention when it started#with how it was new and interesting and really kinda a shot above the others#within the network itself#ah but they couldnt commit#they want a new and unique show but cant ever have it actually be daring#but of course it could be different divisions of the network here
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
#origins smp#i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo#otubbo#oranboo#beeduo fanart#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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This is a special genre of f1 picture(to ME.)
#ive talked a lot about helmets lately oops#i guess i just rly have an obsession with how they're an extension of the driver#and a representation of them and their only sense of personality and individuality when theyre all geared up#so theres something to me about the separation of helmet from driver like in these pics#of course theres pics of the helmet on its own for model kinda pics(like all the pics i used for my past project posts)#but this is its own genre. helmet doing its own thing. helmet away from the vicinity of its owner#helmet being protected from the elements. it has its own carrying bag. it gets an umbrella. etc etc#the first pic made me on the lookout for pics w a similar vibe. IDK WHY BUT IM RLY OBSESSED WITH IT#having a severe helmet fucker era </3 i look at these and i feel very weird about them 😭#not included cause its a differnt genre but also thinking abt pics where someone other than the driver themselves is holding their helmet#theres something weirdly intimate to me about it. its too reminiscent of that one painting of the germanic warrior holding the roman helmet#<- DO YOU GET WHAT IM IMPLYING HERE.#anyways. i digress. helmet being taken care of and protected is cute to me#its such an extension of the driver so its kinda funny ig that they get their own photoshoots#also yeah these are all nando helmets bcs i couldn't find pics from other drivers that i thought had the same vibe#and i think its interesting how these correlate with whom the photographer is and the level of popularity of the driver#like are you popular enough that someone will see your helmet apart from you and think its important enough for a pic?#and its so interesting comparing pics from the same time from different teams#bcs you can see how different the motivations of the different photographers are based on what the pics are like#well blah blah blah helmet kink blah blah blah#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#helmet
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Kinda gets me when people age them down in AUs and stuff because to me those characters wouldn't be half as interesting if Chilchuck, Senshi and Mithrun were the tallman equivalent of in their twenties
#just something about having a lot of history you know#like. chills is divorced or thereabouts. senshi spent like 30 years living in dungeon wilderness. mithrun knows kabru's mom#none of this would be possible if they were 20-somethings#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#somewhat i guess#like. yeah kabru and laios and falin (and marci for an elf) are really young BUT have a lot of life exp#but like. the fact that so much happened to them while they are so young is TRAUMA. its BAD#meanwhile chilchuck had like. a pretty average life for a halffoot his age. maybe even successful from a professional standpoint#senshi didnt have an average life but had the time to accumulate an amount of knowledge no 20something could have#and of course mithruns whole life story is like. slowed down because hes an elf#but even then i think its really important to show that it might take several years to start recuperating from a traumatic event#like its what makes his character such an interesting commentary on disability and depression#when you're 25 bouncing back is easier. when you're 40? 50? showing that theres hope#even when you've lost your whole youth to your pain... thats a whole other thing#sorry i started writing serious commentary in the tags#chills#captain mithrun#senshi#even in senshis character up to a point. he spent more years out of society than in it#and YET! even he manages to find a place. somewhat#like. they are all here to show that life goes on even after horrible or simply sad shit happens to you#they are survivors!!!! thats important
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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save me old flipnote studio MVs.......
#im going thru old flipnotes i used to watch years ago and ouggghhg so many good ones#is twenty one pilots still popular.... do people still remember the TRNDSTTER and marble soda meme.........#its like im unlocking some sort of primal part of my brain and everything is coming back to me. one of my biggest inspirations as a kid#i still remember thinking the final transmission lyrics were the coolest thing and watching =TopHat= Bee and Melissa over and over#theres a very specific feeling of longing and nostalgia looking back and watching these again years later#especially when there isnt anything genshin or mcyt and instead its either fnaf undertale eddsworld or another obscure#interest... and not even fnaf sister location its like fnaf 3 and 2. its THAT old. and a lot of oc MVs especially pokemon ocs and furries..#god but they were so creative u know. i still find it amazing ppl took this little lightbox animation on the fucking NINTENDO DS and#cranked it all the way to 11.. like if u look at the transitions and movement its so fucking fluid its insane..!! HOW DO YOU MAKE THE#CHARACTERS SPIN??? AND CHANGING CAMERA ANGLES??? and keep in mind youre doing this all with a shitty stylus#on a THREE BY TWO INCH SCREEN. you only get two layers you can go up to 29FPS and you only have 999 slides to work with#and 24FPS eats up a lot of that. absolutely insane it literally boggles my mind every time i think about it. AND SOME ARE EVEN FULL COLOR#i forgot how popular EDM was back then too...they were really good for timing beats though so you get a lot of MVs with#strobe last and marble soda. porter robinsons goodbye to a world was also popular with undertale and oc MVs. also a lot of vocaloid#someone made a flipnote abt the warner bros fnaf movie being announced EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO. it even used the stay calm audio from#the office.... i wonder how theyre doing now... i love you shitty grainy MV audio.. but i have mixed feelings abt the flashing colors#ppl LOVED animating the sans vs frisk fight. aishite and primadonna were also big ones they were SICK AS FUCK#lots of these inspired my old oc designs.. a lot of my characters had side bangs with one eye covered. animal ears and simple eyes too#now i kinda wanna try my hand at the marble soda meme cause i loved it as a kid lol.. i wonder if i should compare my old and new art here#UGHHHH IM SO NORMAL ABOUT NOSTALGIA. IM SO NORMAL ABT MY SCHOOL BOOK DRAWINGS WITH SHIBA BROWS#yapping#nostalgia
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