#theres a LOT that happens after this but i didnt wanna get too off topic or write like a whole novel sdfgh

[noriaki-kak]

Ooh actually I’m wondering now, are or were PeneLeo ever a thing? 🤔 Or was it more akin to a political marriage? :0

A little bit of both, but they were definitely a thing! The entire dynamic between all the Braithen kids is complicated but can be boiled down to “In a better world, in a better time, y’all would probably be one big happy polycule.” sdfgh

Penelope and Leo have known each other for as long as they can remember. Leo's parents were the rulers of Braithen and Penelope's parents were from a set of noble families in the kingdom second only to the crown. Her noble house had historically close ties to the church and her father was especially devout.

There were already talks of arranging a married between them, and thanks to them actually getting along really well growing up, their parents betrothed them to one another at a pretty young age.

There was real love between them, but the pressure of their marriage being arranged caused strife and tension between them as they got older. Penelope especially, she always loved Leo but the lack of choice caused a lot of unresolved pain.

All the Braithen kids ride the line between platonic and romantic love and those feelings shift and change with time. It's hard to put a definitive label on any of it! Especially considering the environment they grew up in made it hard to even recognize the budding feelings Penelope might've also had for Giselle or Leo might've had for Caspian as well.

Leo was a bit more oblivious, and even though he struggled with feeling controlled, he never fully saw the extent to which Penelope struggled. Penelope's father was deeply authoritarian, religious, obsessed with tradition, and ambitious. He treated her like a tool for his goals and didn't tolerate anything he viewed as disobedience.

His misogyny was rampant. Penelope's mother had always been extremely passive and deferential to him. Her own parents marriage along with her father's constant insistence she learn nothing more than how to be a good wife to the future king made it difficult for Penelope accept her betrothal to Leo, afraid she'd become like her mother.

It was always tough because of course they snuck out, of course they had moments to themselves where she felt free, they loved each other immensely. But at the end of the day they'd have to return to answer to their families, they'd have to go back home, and she feared a future where she was stifled even if Leo protested on her behalf.

Him not noticing her feelings didn't help, but she certainly wasn't a slouch when it came to hiding them. On top of that, Leo was preoccupied with his own internal struggles.

His dad was kind of an inadequate king. He wasn't malicious or awful, but he was a little incompetent. His father (so Leo's grandfather) died when Leo was young and he became almost mythologized as this legendary figure, lauded as an excellent king. Leo's father flounders as ruler trying to follow him up.

He raises Leo with a lot of words about the kind of man he should be without offering much in the way of actionable advice. In his naivety, Leo finds himself always striving to impress a man who isn't even sure what he's doing.

All of this culminates in Penelope rejecting him when he shows up in his demonic form. I've been a bit vague but when he's first cursed it's not quite just "imagine a tiefling" sdfghj and more like "eight feet tall, two large sets of curling horns, half formed leathery wings, imposing silhouette." the only thing that stays the same about him are his eyes.

And when he first transforms it is painful. So he immediately rushes to Penelope deliriously seeking help, and when he crawls through a window of the castle at night, he terrifies her. He's incoherent and desperate and before Penelope recognizes him, she takes a nearby fire poker in hand to defend herself.

It's really frantic, neither having much time to really think things through. Her deeply religious upbringing makes her doubly frightened. She sees his eyes, finally does recognize that it is Leo, and in his desperation to make sure she knows it's him he approaches her too quickly.

She knows it's him, but in her fear, she lashes out with the fire poker. She's not aiming for anywhere in particular but she ends up taking out one of his eyes and when he crumples in pain, she flees the room, sealing his curse.

In his pain and anguish Leo, runs through the castle trying to find his parents. Unfortunately uh, his dad sees him, has a heart attack and dies from the shock. After this Leo runs from the castle entirely, fleeing into the night. Leo's no good very bad day.

There's a lot simmering under the surface before this point but this night is the first event that marks the true end of their carefree days as friends.

[thatdeadaquarius]

Heyo, Idk if you still do sagau but I hope you do 🙏🙏 anyway, this is lowkey wholesome but imagine one of acolytes were trying to communicate with a child but then they realize the child is deaf but reader so happened to be nearby. So then, whatever the character is saying the reader translates into sign language and its just a wholesome sight to see. Btw srry if this isn't what you usually write 😓 add anything to this if you want

OH NO THIS IS EXACTLY ALL THAT I WRITE RN ANON DW MY LOVE 😍

(*update: im so stupid i thought ur sunglasses pfp was a anon and didnt look any closer💀i aint livin this one down)

(Spoiler: i do plan to do imagines for other fandoms bc i have such niche AUs or ideas for them, a lot like this whole language stuff for Genshin Sagau :D )

IVE WANTED TO LEARN ASL FOR SO LONG BUT I HAVENT GOTTEN THE CHANCEEE theres no classes for it where i live ;/

THAT IS TO SAY I LIVEEE FOR COMMUNICATION STUFFFFF

Also srry its kinda short i just could only think of this cute little scenario- 😗

Rest in peace bc i have a whole fat post i wanna make about neurodivergence + general accessibility issues in Teyvat and their countries

Like where r the ramps babe

Where r the non-narrow ass doors

Why r we just constantly made to hike up mountains when we dont have to

And dont come at me with that,

"Theyre in their medieval age! They cant make stuff like that!"

Yeah, u right, they cant.

If they dont be ✨️creative ✨️and they dont use their fucking ✨️magic ✨️

Liyue got floating rocks and they cant make a goddamn disability elevator?? Bitch tf?

THAT IS TO SAY IN A VERY RANTING COUGHPASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AT GENSHIN COMMUNITY FOR NOT REPPING DISABILITIES MORECOUGH

WAY OF SAYINGGGG

Literally almost no one gets sign language in Teyvat

(despite the fact that in my perfect teyvat, sign lang. is superior bc everyone could make it the universal lang. ESP if we go by the cool AU of diff countries have diff languages, like Germanish lang for Mondstadt, Frenchish for Fontaine, etc.)

Off topic again srry-

◇

But you took a class once!! Or even checked out the alphabet and casual convo on ur own time :D

So u just chillin with Kazuha, Thoma, Sara, Gorou, and Kokomi (they vistin the main island to see u!! :] )

Meanwhile a little girl is walking around nearby, and is kinda going in circles

Almost like shes scared to go too far one way or the other,

So being the caring soul he is, (rlly all these boys here rn would notice and help lol)

Thoma comes up to her and squats down trying to talk to her :)

...

Yeah, she didn't say anything, just kinda,,

Motioned with her hands??

She looks like shes doing some kind of code to them..

Oh!

Thoma finally recognized this, its that hand language!! lmao hes got the spirit

so he asks Kazuha to try and see if he knows it or can even figure it out-

Nope. Nada de nada.

Then Kokomi, Sara and Gorou (whos a sweatin nervous mess he doesnt know how to act around kids esp kids in distress he seems like the type lol)

They all fail, Kokomi looks concerned bc she thinks the kids lost, but there no frantic parents nearby, Sara is trying to slowly understand what motions mean what i.e. points to a rock = learn sign from child etc,

Kazuha is trying to get the wind to help locate upset guardians nearby, and Gorou...

... is just 🧍‍♂️

LMAOOO

◇

So after a minute of this (bc u had originally been away at a street food vender, hey those dango were rlly good dont judge urself)

U come back, and see this mild flavor of chaos-

And are just like

"Oh ffs- just shoo, i got it guys"

And just, slowly, go thru some signs with the little girl to get the keywords at least

She lights up and is like bouncing, she goes hella fast at first but slows down when she gets ur hearing

Either way, she looks a lot happier now

U explain for her to the others to confirm her parents got seperated from her

She got lost and where she last saw them

u finally help escort her to the street she last saw her parents on :] !!

◇

Meanwhile the whole allogene group, shopkeepers, and Inazumans around you:

😦😯🥰🥺💓💞💘💖

Kokomi is holding back a squeal, shes gotta keep up her image, ahem-

Sara is like,, minutely vibrating?? Lmao

Kazuha is watching u like a fireworks show, intensely and yet fascinated

GOROU'S TAIL IS KINDA WAGGINGGG AW LOL

And Thoma just looks like a puddle of affection, just absolutely melted (he loves kids + he secretly loves you = dead Thoma)

Other people look weirdly, proud? Like theyre like "yeah thats our god, fuck yeah, knowing diff languages, go off, Your Grace 💅 " LMAO SORRY COULDNT RESIST and also some fascination

♡

Anyway, 2 very stressed looking dads see yall and the girl and one of them run up to hold each other

She starts rapidly signing, explaining to her dads the adventure she had and the cool people she met <3

The dads look at u and r like 🤔😶😱 "YOUR MAJESTY??!!" (VIGOROUS HAND MOTIONS)

They sign like,

"We're terribly sorry about you seeing us like this, we usually are much more together than this, a crowd just swept her off, its very busy today. Thank you so much for helping our girl, my Lord!! 😭😭"

Theyre like almost crying, oh geez, u reassure them and sign back that it happens to any parent at some point and that is matters more that they tried to get her back :]

◇

Meanwhile the rest of the group and the citizens are just watching yall like its the most amazing Olympic level tennis match in the world LMAO

Heads all in sync, watchin yall like 👋👍🙏LMAO IM SORRY

AW IT SUCKS ABOUT WRITING BC I CANT RLLY DEPICT SIGN LANGUAGE AS COOL AS I CAN IN COMICS OR THRU ART

THE EMOJI HANDS NEED SIGN LANGUAGE DAMMIT-

♡

🎵 Hi, it's me. I'm the problem, it's me. 🎵

That is to say none of yalls asks r eaten up, at least im pretty sure? Dw abt it im chugging along having the time of my life hehe >:)

Yall are fEEDIN ME TONIGHT!!

Hope yall r having a good weekend and have no hw if ur in school, or i hope ur shift goes good tomorrow! :]

Love yall!!

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[pixiecaps]

I remember like, the first time I saw you. I hadn’t recognized your pfp, and after seeing it a few times on my dash I decided to click. After scrolling a bit, I came to the realization I had followed you on accident (something that happens plenty to me). I usually would’ve unfollowed, but you seemed just interesting enough for me not too. A few months later, I’m surprised when you follow me back, especially since I don’t make original posts, and am not ranboo-centric.

Nowadays, you’ve managed to become one of my favorite mutuals. I always get giddy when I see you in my notifications, and 90% of the time I make note to see what post you liked and/or reblogged. It’s the “I’m getting a good grade in reblogging, something that is both possible to achieve and normal to want.”

We aren’t close mutuals, though I definitely wouldn’t mind it. I’d love to send more asks, however I’m horrific at carrying conversations and also have some social anxiety that makes me nervous. I also don’t want to intrude, as previously mentioned we aren’t close mutuals, and I don’t want to be pushy or annoying, haha. And I would start by responding to some of the posts you make that expect responses, but I don’t refresh my dashboard enough to see them in time. And I don’t know if it’d be appropriate to ask for a discord, which I’m better at checking, because I know it’s usually used for friends.

All in all though, you are funny and witty, and I often to stop and read your posts when otherwise I’d scroll. I like your opinions when you do decide to get serious, and despite some non-common interests, you present them in such a way I can easily engage in anyways. I wish you lots of love and luck, take care of yourself, and keep your chin up, king!

(P.S. sorry for the rlly long message whoops, I hope I’m not too late to send this.)

helllooo anon i think this was for the ask game:0 im sorry i didnt see this hours ago im pretty sure you sent this around the time i went to sleep but yes hii hello!!

“interesting enough” LETS FUCKING GOOO. okay! i usually follow back people i’ve seen around a lot on dash or urls i recognize in my notifs!! i must have recognized you:)

thats so sweet thank you i appreciate it😭 also wanna thank you for sticking around the idea that you’ve grown to rlly be fond of me after accidentally following me is heartwarming

ah dude don’t worry about. look i started this blog because i had horrific social anxiety and my irls were encouraging me to make new friends!! so even though i was shaking and wanted to throw up (that bad ik) i started posting and slowly but surely it wasn’t as scary anymore. it takes time so you can take your time dont feel pressured to interact if you dont want to. that being said i don’t mind if people who arent “close mutuals” send an ask or dms me. you become a close mutual by doing these things ya know😭 oh!!!! you can ask for discord too!! all mutuals are allowed to :) i however suck at holding conversations too so be aware of that lmao

AW TY!! ehehe you like my takes🤭 genuinely though i try to stay away from discourse or serious topics cus it may come off intimidating and thats the last thing i want to come off as but im glad whenever i do make a few posts like that you found it easy to engage:) i will! i am trying my best to take care of myself and for u i shall hmmm i was gonna say go outside but i already have plans to do that so it’d be disingenuous. i’ll just drink a lot of water today 👍 omg have u ever noticed theres no water bottle emoji on ios. i wait every update to see if they added one but nope. i would use that emoji so much…

anon congrats on getting the award of longest ask ever sent BAHSJD i woke up and saw this and my eyes popped in a good way

( also adding this after i posted this. i know anons dont usually like their own asks to stay hidden so i need you to know you seem lovely:D )

[funky-furby]

rough furby fandom timeline

reminiscencing abt old furblr made me wanna revisit some of the changes we’ve seen over time! to give new people an idea of it, and also to spark discussion with older members, i joined in 2017 and i havent been as active as of 2019 so i cant speak of prior or after, but heres my thoughts

2017

fandom is still small, but growing

focus is on them as toys

lots of posts are guides on names of colors, or how to push start

2005s are not very popular, i saw someone struggle to sell 2 working ones just because their beaks were damaged

besides the pink ones, people really liked those

i also lost a bid war on an orange 2005 that ended up going for 50 bucks, do you  understand the regret i feel

lots of furbys are cheap, furbys in general are cheap, besides the occasional person thinking their nib snowball is worth 300

rise of furbology (later furbae)

popular for owning a lot of furbys, and owning a very very roughed up frog furby called swampy

theres discourse abt drawing furbys with 4 feet

small nature of fandom means that discourse usually involves people everyone knows directly (furbyconfessions accidentally contributes to drama but some spin off accounts purposefully try and start it, furby discourse blogs are a thing)

small nature also means that a lot of people remember each others furbys by name

each furby usually has a personality attached to it too, describing things that furby tends  to do more than others, or what its physical differences mean (like being mute)

furby brotherhood is the only furby discord server and it gains notoriety due to the lack of moderation but in my experience it was a really fun wild ride

customization is fairly limited to maybe drawing on freckles, accessories, eyechips (people were poking them out with needles), to my knowledge tracer was the first popular furby to have further customizing

furby blogs humour is very silly, lots of piss and vore jokes

customized furbys from ebay sellers are pretty widely disliked, usually because theyre the clay ones, or because theres a lady trying to pass off her customs as rare releases that never happened

people go out of their way to help each other  find listings for their dreamies

2018

purity culture? in furblr? since a lot of people use furbys to cope (many many posts of people bringing them out in public, describing what  they and their furbys did), theres a pressure for furby blogs to be happy safe places, safefurby tag to avoid swearing and other stuff is started?, and also to avoid hatred in the main tag

theres like, a 70% chance of anyone u interact with in the fandom being a 15 year old trans guy on the autism spectrum, similarities make it really easy to make friends

considering special interests also usually mean wanting to know as much as possible, there is a WELL of information still

rise in popularity also means a lot more information is found abt furbys, like prototypes, a new factory and more obscure merchandise

since a lot of people empathize with  furbys, damaged or not completely working furbys start to go for higher prices than previously as people empathize with them

that one furby that was found in the desert (bumbleweed) gets REALLY popular

rise in customizing coincides with more stylization in how people draw furbys

whenever someone comes up with a new idea u’d see a lot of it in the next week

like stuffing a furby to make them fat, that one took OFF

painting fur and also furby patterns to sew own skins creates a strange demand for  just the furbys faceplate

furbys start to get strange names, like hot  dog water

fall of furbae as shes revealed as a scammer among other reasons

crap ton of new furby discords are started, for specific topics, or just to avoid brotherhood despite them having a completely new mod team (im a little biased)

theres a still a large overlap in furblr with animatronic and other toy robot blogs

an age of really creative stuff tho, content was constantly evolving

oddbodies are a controversial addition to customizing, longfurby wasnt the first, but i do remember a lot of people taking the faces off of plushes and adding a furby face instead

before they were called oddbodies some people were really uncomfortable with them, but people also didnt like their furby friends being tagged bodyhorror, so oddbody was a good compromise

people were calling dibs on listings before, but its more widespread here, even though you cant call dibs on an open listing

furby prices go through the roof oh my god

kid cuisines especially, i saw more than one person pay 600

2005s go up in price too

oddbodies also caused rise in price on furby buddies

2019

mainstream success?

customization and oddbodies seems to the fandoms focus?

customization starts to overtake previous guides to the point where i see newbies struggle to find information

Plushification

First plush ones have clay eyes, later ones add in the eyes of the original furbys

Some controversy over taking apart furbys

popularity from within  and outside of the community further effects prices

since 2012s are both really common, and not popular their prices seem pretty unaffected (besides rainbow crystals)

at this point i think people are taking their furbys out with them less, and i see less people make stories abt what they and their furbys did that day

customization trends were really really cool to watch happen, but since my reasons for being in furblr was the community nature of it, i have a lot less information  for 2019 as i was less active in the fandom

and for 2020, i have nothing! so essentially this is me asking, what was 2019 and 2020 furblr for u like? did i remember any older stuff wrong? whats some stuff u wouldve included or have questions about?

[inosukeslefttoe]

so,,, yesterday i read this manhwa called “the horizon” (i forget the author but ill put them in the tags) and good god... it was so heartbreakingly beautiful and im gonna make a few posts about it B) ((i say a few bc theres a few things i wanna talk about but i dont wanna make it all unorganized ?? if that makes sense))

first theres just the amazing artwork done in this piece... the range is just fucking incredible and every single panel had so much work and heart put into it and i had to sit there just to really admire the art of each page for a long time (usually im an impatient little bitch and skim artwork in manga/manhwa but damn this one was something else). but like !! look at how many different styles and shit the artist did depending on the circumstances !! 

oh if i didnt mention,, this manhwa is like an apocalyptic world where this little boy meets a little girl and they just sort of roam the world together right... but they come across so many terrible things and theres this back and forth between hope and despair and everytime you start to be like “hey maybe things will be good for them, or at least as good as they can be” the tiniest thing happens that just shatters all that hope to the ground and suddenly everything is lost again. it really reminds me of this book i read for english called the road by uh.. something mccarthy i think... and it was about a boy and his dad trying to survive and walk down a road together in a post apocalyptic world and it was also sad as shit. BUT IM GETTING OFF TOPIC. BACK TO THE ARTWORK.

so thE RANGE OF STYLES YES THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. as i already said, its just this whole rollercoaster of emotions but it really forces you to sit there and fucking f e e l your emotions yknow? it makes it impossible to just sit there and be like “lol damn thats sad” ,, the art and the layout are so shocking and stunning that you h a v e to sit there and admire them and think about the events and really just feel every ounce of emotion and loss that the characters are going through and that the artist put into this piece. it did this thing where it would sometimes stretch on for a few pages of just the same frame with tiny differences just taking up the whole page without any words/little words to let the magnitude of the situation sink in and envelope you. its so powerful with its message especially with the themes of hope and loss and it just... usually i keep pop culture/anime/manhwa feels separate from my irl feels but... dude this one was so fuckin amazing that i genuinely had to take a break a few times bc the feels were getting all mixed up and i genuinely felt that sorrow that the characters were feeling. i seriously wanna read this again actually so i focus more on the amazing art since i know the story already.

i just love how much it switches up from all the different looks too. sometimes it would have that classic anime/manhwa feel to it especially when there were lots of characters (i didnt include a sc for that oops) but a lot of the time it would focus on the beauty/emptiness of the landscape around the characters since there wasnt really much left in the world. there were a lot of gruesome scenes drawn in that sort of chalky/charcoaly look that involved death and i am just obsessed with how they made it look so organic and like it was actually, yknow decomposing. they also used a really messy scribbly style when super chaotically terrible things where happening, both externally and internally which was such a perfect reflection of those bundled up negative and hopeless emotions that were present throughout the story. it sort of made it seem like those things were simply too horrible to be drawn fully and even the artist couldnt subject the reader to such a terrible sight. also ... the use of color... usually they would use color to represent the presence of hope and damn dude it really worked... especially after seeing some of these same images consecutively and that dramatic change really makes the reader feel so much brighter and happier when hope is back in the story !! although that one other colored scene... where the boy is in the ocean... god that hurts my heart so badly... i think the color was used in that case to show the reality of his situation and that it was really r e a l yknow ??? it wasnt just a comic written to make ppl sad and thinking about death,, this is that kids whole LIFE and he had to accept the (bad thing that happened but im not gonna write it bc i dont wanna spoil) was something that happened and now he really had no reason to keep on living... and all these feelings are so wonderfully portrayed and definitely did a very good job of making me, the reader, Very Sad. 

HAHA I DIDNT WANT THIS TO BE TOO LONG BUT I RAMBLED LMAO... ill prolly make one or two more posts about this but they wont nearly be as long dont worry

1-6-21

[tigerdrop]

ngl but you are legitimately one of my fav blogs around here i love your thoughts where are the 3 paragraphs you spared about benrey and gordons relationship unless u dont want to share it its ok anyway i just wanted to come on here to compliment you thats all

eheh ok well. heres an insane amount of words about Funy Half Life Characters

i mean like the thing i think about the most is how exactly they deal with, like, everything that Happened between them. like its benreys fault he got his arm cut off, man. even if (theoretically, in my personal headcanon) benrey doesnt exactly Grasp a lot of the shit he did that pissed gordon off (like ok taking the whole “what happened to your arm???” thing at face value, instead of as the (obvious) joke that it is? it makes me feel like he didnt understand the consequences of his actions as much as.....like.....somebody who Gets human shit would), they still gotta like talk about that shit eventually if they wanna get to know each other as anything more than enemies, or frenemies, or “dudes with a fragile detente in place who sometimes play video games and fuck”

and like.....i feel like the way benrey doesnt Get things isnt necessarily, like, entirely in good faith either......if that makes sense.....he seems like he deliberately doesnt Get things, and he can be kind of malicious about what he decides to wrap his head around and what he doesnt. like, hes deliberately obtuse, bu then sometimes hes actually obtuse, and i think that can be difficult to deal with as like......a real trait, instead of just a “haha funny improv character” trait.

his method of just completely dropping a topic if he doesnt know how to riff off it/make it funny (as an improv thing) is also something that is not super conducive to building a Real Relationship if you go full “death of the author” and interpret it as, just, not giving a shit about topics that dont interest him/are emotionally difficult

and gordon is like. Neurotic. hes anxious, hes depressed, hes got PTSD, hes graying at 27, etc. (okay like 2 of those things are just headcanons but whatever, they fit.) he probably isnt coping well with jack shit after black mesa! (and thats, yknow, how i write him.) before he can handle, like, a capital r-Relationship, he really needs to work on his own shit instead of fucking a dude with a massive crush on him. but, uhhh, too late, lmao. you work with what youve got. and, like, theres a lot of......working around each other that they would need to learn how to do if they ever wanted to be anything more than “friends with benefits who sometimes feel a certain way about each other”.

benreys got like that distinctly non-normative way of viewing the world and interacting with people (and, you know, i know that this is just a personal interpretation of an amalgam of behaviors primarily intended to be funny, but im already in this deep so why pretend like im not taking this a little seriously) and he also seems like he just gets a kick out of fucking with gordon.

and gordon thinks his off-beat behavior is so fucking funny, which is like, the foundation of why he likes benrey so much (and come on. weve all watched the same shit. weve all seen how much hes like “its not like im worried about benrey or anything but also oh god where the fuck is benrey”), but again, when theyre not, like, forced to be around each other by circumstance, that means that theyve actually gotta........learn to bend around each other. theyve gotta tear down whatever stupid acts theyre putting on and figure out how to just be Genuine with each other

and thats why i think it would take a good long while post-canon for them to figure each other out and really develop solid Feelings-feelings for each other. that shits hard. they clearly both like each other a lot but they also clearly love getting under each others skin (which is what i, personally, love about them). i like writing shit where theyre committing to the bit, right? putting on an act, playing the game.

being vulnerable is a lot fucking harder and thats why im starting that shit with benrey and gordon getting crossfaded and gordons Massive Emotional Repression being torn down and just letting all the bad feelings out. its gotta get worse before it gets better. benrey tried to kill him man. even if it may not have meant the same thing to benrey that it did to gordon, they still gotta, like, deal with it, man

anyway jesus christ im sorry this is way too long and probably doesnt even make sense but (shrug)

[autisticangus]

anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys

i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life

if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit

as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!

Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!

These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.

Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt. 

He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.

he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on

/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him. 

i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.

things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident. 

so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.

one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.

i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.

i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.

its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.

and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them

and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.

when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.

and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.

i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.

[heizerux]

About Stormy Weather 2

Let’s cut to the chase. This was a filler/recap episode.

Is it disappointing? Yes 😞

They did my girl Aurore wrong with the episode title and not even giving her the attention she deserves. And about nothing new happened. Chloe still hasn’t learned to actually be better. There’s more. But those are about a few things that REALLY got to me (to be brief).

Is it bad that they even have this episode? Not exactly. It just wasn’t done well.

Now that I’ve briefly got out of my system on why I was disappointed, now let’s look at the details and minor brightsides of it (I guess?) and more on why I’m disappointed.

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This was an episode to establish the questions we’ve had. (Honestly did we even need these? Actually, not really. But it’s nice they even bothered.) Some of these questions are:

How’s Aurore?

Is Chloe really fully changed?

How does Nathalie REALLY feel? Like with her own words? How LONG has she been with the Agrestes? And will Gabriel keep this shit up?

How’s the dynamic between Ladybug and Chat Noir now since they’ve been fighting for a while?

How’s everyone else (Alya and Nino specifically) doing?

Will Marinette ever tell Adrien that she’s interested in him?

Will Adrien pick up on that???

Pretty much here’s how they answered these, as well as what I took from these answers:

How’s Aurore? Naturally I’m gonna open up with Aurore here since this was supposed to be HER episode again. We see her being bullied by Chloe and then she get it’s gets to her. THAT’S how Aurore is doing. The only few things I liked about her here is learning she and Marinette are friends. But that’s IT. This could have been HER moment. HER episode again. We could of known more about HER. Instead what do we get? Just like 3 minutes tops of her and boom. Defeated, and not even checked up on. I know she’s a side misc character but damnit *slaps table*. . . We really were cheated with her comeback. This wasn’t her episode and it shouldn’t have been titled “Stormy Weather 2”. I’m sad about this.

Is Chloe really fully changed? Nope. So I knew her development wasn’t even started yet (as we’ve seen), but like damn. We see how being hero twice has gotten to her head. It’s disappointing, it really is. The only “bright side” is that at least they’re establishing here that she clearly still has changing to do instead of saying she’s fully changed, which she isn’t. Probably even alluding to what we’re gonna see next with her. Obviously by that last glare, Marinette (as Ladybug) isn’t giving into her shit anymore. (That or she’s disappointed in how Chloe doubled back too.)

How does Nathalie REALLY feel? And so we see. She, as expected, hates her fucking job because it’s too demanding, but LOVES the Agreste family. We now, with her own words, which are rare, learn just how long she’s been with them, her feelings for the family, and that she canonically cared for Emilie and has now fallen for Gabriel. She’s also still sick from Heroes Day (so they didn’t forget that’s a thing, thankfully). Which now only implies that from this point forward, she’ll be Mayura more often, and get even sicker (a life for a life, anyone?)

How’s everyone else doing? That Ninalya (Djwifi) content. . . My heart! 💕💖💕💖😭💖💕💖💕 So they show us Nino is pretty much now a Césaire (lol), and that they both do talk about their hero duties when they’re alone. The good in seeing this? They can actually keep it a secret from the public and this shows their hero potential (unlike Chloe). The bad about it? It’s their disadvantage (as we already know.) Now what we didn’t need is all that recap footage. (That time slot could have been used for my bby Aurore 💜💙💜)

How’s the dynamic between Ladybug and Chat Noir now since they’ve been fighting for a while? Well :) (Filler aside) We see that Ladybug is A LOT more fonder of Chat Noir than before. This time she’s loosening up her humor during battle when she used to be all “stop joking! This is serious!” Then they go on to recap on shit that we already know like that they trust each other and *yawn*. But one thing I did notice, and like about this, is that look she gives him as he runs off.

It’s almost a look of that says “I’m starting to view you as more than a partner. . .” (Will they show it in the following episodes. Boy do I hope.)

Will Marinette ever tell Adrien that she’s interested in him? Okay so not only does she drop off Adrien’s homework, but you notice something? Not only did she volunteer, but she didn’t fluster while doing so. When she delivers it, she’s not panicked about it, instead she’s just nervous about talking to Nathalie and disappointed she couldn’t give it to him in person. Then what happens next? She FINALLY takes Kagami’s advice and does something. Once she’s done, she’s not regretful and doubtful about it anymore when she used to be. Sure, we went over shit that marks she “changed”, but it’s really around this part in the episode that she ACTUALLY changes. From here she’s a new confident Marinette, pretty much. The recap was still unecessary.

Will Adrien pick up on that??? *sigh* no lol.

Okay, real quick, BIG APPRECIATION for Plagg’s “Oh shit” face when he sees Adrien notices the handwriting.

So into Adrien and his love life, we see that his head is too in the clouds to fully notice the amazing girl that is MARINETTE. I will say I love that Plagg keeps trying to steer him in the direction to LOOK AT MARINETTE. (Mentioning how Gabriel wasn’t mad Adrien was with her when he snuck out and hinting that she’s VERY available more than once.) When he finally notices the handwriting, he’s SO close to putting it together. Plagg for a sec is shook about it (since it hints he’s closer to piecing she’s LB), but then he re-tracts because he’s a clueless child and now is left on the conclusion that it’s not her. Okay -_-

So now that that’s done, let me just add on why I think that last part where he retracts marks something.

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Anyone find it odd that the episode ended specifically with Adrien noting that “Marinette couldn’t have written the letter (can’t be in love with me) because she’s just a friend that’s into fashion. Besides there’s Luka.”

Luka. . .

. . .

You guys hear that?

Right as soon as he says that, sad music plays. Like he “lost” something.

Then Adrien as if slightly disappointed, insists it was probably “someone else”. . . Because there’s Luka. . .

And then the episode ends.

(My own thought: I think this is here to mark off that not only Luka is coming more into play, but maybe that it’ll affect Adrien more than he thinks? It may be that his change to come is that he stops looking “up in the clouds” and starts looking in front of him.)

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haaaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

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And that’s about one of the few things that got me in this episode (among Nino and Alya and Mari getting confident for once). Because it means shits gonna get interesting among the ships👀. . . *sips tea*

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I’d touch the development issue but after carefully going over the fact that both season 2 and 3 were written around the same time, I do have a hunch stuff is kind of out of order there. But that’s a topic for another day. (Probably one I’ll rethink and retouch fully after this season is done.) So let’s get back to the real question:

So wtf was this episode?

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Well, this is just my take, but judging by the brief glances at Stormy Weather 2’s LEVEL of power, it’s there to set what we’re gonna be seeing from the episodes forward. If this looks intense, then we haven’t seen intense, yet (ya feel?)

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For certain ppl (I’m one of these ppl) Stormy Weather from S1 was THE pilot episode to the whole show and the first episode seen. It set up what we were going to be seeing of the show. So if there had to be an explanation, my take is that’s why they picked her again to mark off a recap and brand new starting point for what’s to come.

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TLDR: This episode probably wasn’t just meant to show what’s changed, but to mark of what WILL change moving forward.

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It’s not perfect, I’m still not happy with how it was delivered, but that’s probably what they were going for.

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They probably should of just called it “The Story So Far” or something, honestly. Not Stormy Weather 2. Aurore did amazing. Her screentime didn’t :( But in the end, it’s probably there to mark the start of real change.

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Since that’s maybe the deal, then changes we may see here moving forward and so on are:

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It’s probably gonna mark Marinette as being comfortable around Adrien and no longer hesitating as much as she did, but of course Luka will be more in her life (and Adrien may or may not realize he isn’t as okay with it?? That’s just what I wanna see honestly lol). Chloe will probably realize that she can’t keep expecting to be handed a miraculous just because she says so, which then could mark her to ACTUALLY start changing. And so on.

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Anyway we’ll see what the next episodes bring. I noticed they’ve only been showing us the uneventful episode first and leaving the more “juicy” ones for later dates. . .

As long as this is, I actually kind of rushed through it so my apologies if it’s all over the place :(

[96xie]

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

[jisokai]

I want to request jumin and jihyun with mc who needed a surgery but doesn't want to tell them So she told them she will be with her friend for few days When she comes back she try to act normal despite the pain and ended up reopen the wound she is bleeding and in pain like hell (to the point of dying?)how would they react to that situation And the fact that she didn't tell them And how they will take care of her afterward ^^

thank you for sending this!! im gonna use your ask as a prerequisite summary..? just so i dont have to retype all that out because i feel like i do that a lot…. ahem anyways!! i hope you enjoy!!

jumin and v reactions (separately) to mc getting a surgery behind their backs and it later reopens 

 jumin- he’s patiently waiting for you when you come back and greets you with open arms- he notices you wince a little when he brushes your back and frowns, but you start pushing a different topic before he says anything about it- you manage to rest all day and avoid straining yourself, but when you turned to grab something from behind the couch arm you were resting on, a sharp pain went up your back- his attention is immediately on you when he hears you let out an “ah!” and wince in pain- hes beside you asking if youre okay and whathappened- you try to brush it off, but stop after putting your hand over the wound and feeling blood come out- shit shit shit shit shit- when he sees this, hes up on his feet immediately calling the doctor to come over and trying to help you apply pressure- though it helps the bleeding, youre in so much pain. tears are falling from your eyes and you cry out, holding onto him tightly to cope- hes heartbroken and upset, extremely confused and terrified about whats happening- the doctor gets there in time and helps by easing the pain with medicine & gas and then works on restitching the wound and hook you to an iv for the blood loss- when you wake up, youre on a hospital bed in the living room and jumin is there stroking your head and worryingly staring at you- he demands an explanation- when you shakily tell him you had gotten a surgery behind his back hes livid- you lied to him?? and for what??????- you explain you didnt want to worry him and you knew he would try to pay for everything, so you didnt tell him- he just disapprovingly shakes his head and has to put his head down to breathe deeply and calm himself- when he looks back up and sees how worried you are, he just sighs and takes your hand, kissing it gently- you swear theres a couple tears that slip and it breaks your heart to see him so upset- “mc please dont,, dont hide things from me. especially something this big. what if you had died? you lost so much blood… it wouldve killed me to know i lost you”- you cry and apologize profusely, telling him you regret it and will never do it again- he kisses you and reminds you that he loves you and will do anything to make sure youre okay- during your recovery, hes by your side to help you get certain things and check up on you thouroughly- hes super attentive now and pushes himself to understand you better and make sure youre okay- after you recover completely, hes constantly holding you in his arms and thanking you for staying with him

v (he can see in this one okay)- im pretty sure he would notice something the moment you walked in, starting with how differently you were walking- but he pushed it away and embraced you, also noticing how you seemed uncomfortable- he doesnt wanna repeat past mistakes, so hes upfront to ask you if youre okay- you brush it off and just say youre a little worn out from the weekend- he accepts that and allows you to have a quiet and restful day- you take a nap on the couch, but shift during your sleep in a way that irritates the wound, making you groan but remain sleeping- he looks over in worry and panics when he sees red seep through your shirt- he grabs a towel from the kitchen and his phone, going back to you and lifting your shirt (modestly) to see the blood source- hes shocked when hes sees the wound, but immediately puts the towel over it and calls an ambulance- you wake up in immense pain, turning to see v holding your back and you panic, not knowing how to explain- hes solemnly calm about it - “mc.. i dont understand what happened or why you didnt tell me, but help is on the way, okay? please just hang on and stay awake”- you feel terribly guilty but nod and bear through it until the help comes and takes you to the hospital- you fall asleep on the way there, with v holding your hand tightly and whispering that things will be okay- when you wake up, hes still holding your hand- the doctor explained everything to v and he mainly feels bad that you didnt tell him anything- he sadly greets you when you wake up and asks how youre feeling, not wanting you push you to say anything- the guilt makes you speak up and you cry, apologizing for everything and making him worry. you tell him you didnt want him to worry or try to pay so you thought you could hide it but….- his heart hurts from this, but he kisses you and says its alright and he understands - (i think he knows he cant get too mad because he does the same thing,,,)- he asks that you not keep things from him and trust him more, which makes you cry harder but nod shakily- when you finally get to go home, hes very sweet and worrisome, helping you with everything- he follows the care instructions exactly and works hard to ensure youre okay- when you finally heal completely, he holds you so much tighter and prays that you continue to be okay- he also takes it as a sign to be more honest with you as well and build a relationship with lots of trust - hes just so glad youre okay he cries and holds you when he sleeps hgdkfsjlklkjdsf’hdfa

..thank you,,,, for reading,, heres my masterlist for more

someone asked for seven and venderwood,,, here,,,,

[hypereactive]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my best friend

2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my best friend

4. Are you easy to get along with? depends. i try to be, but im also REALLY picky/have strong opinions on a lot of stuff, and im autistic..

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? yeah

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? a caring one, who listens before judging

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yeah

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? my best friend

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? sometimes

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? probably my best friend

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “o”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? uhm. I like A LOT of songs.

billie ellish- bury a friend and you should see me in a crown

rag’n’bone man - human

rebel - black pearl (hes a pirate)

Aladdin soundtrack - Prince Ali and one jump ahead

arctic monkeys - Do I wanna know?

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? rarely

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yea

15. What good thing happened this summer? new job, in my field of study

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yepp

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? probs at least simple life

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? only if I run into him getting coffee (he works there)

19. Do you like bubble baths? if im in the mood

20. Do you like your neighbors? one i do, one i absolutely dont, the rest i dont interact w

21. What are you bad habits? im REALLY picky, and can come off as ungrateful (if u can’t do it right id rather u just not do it. apparently its more common to think at least you got something/they tried.)

22. Where would you like to travel? Anywhere w the right people. Nowhere without.

23. Do you have trust issues? kinda. More like I understand people wont understand me or meet my needs adequately.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? morning coffee

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my chin/teeth

26. What do you do when you wake up? if I have ResponsibilitesTM i get up and get coffee and leave the house in less than 20 min, otherwise i lay in bed on tumblr until i have to get up due to responsibilities or hunger.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? im good w where its at tbh

28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? yeah. 

30. Do you ever want to get married? yeah

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? lol yesss

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? none?

33. Spell your name with your chin. bdfuds

34. Do you play sports? What sports? not really. i like frisbee and longboarding if those count.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? no. I cant keep secrets.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? i usu dont. ill just go on my phone/leave/etc

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? my best friend. 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? hot topic

40. What do you want to do after high school? lol im not in high school

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on what they did and why, and if they want to grow as a person/make it right

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? im tired/overwhelmed/content/bored

43. Do you smile at strangers? if i lock eyes with them and they smiled, i might smile back, but im pretty good at Not Looking At People

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? ResponsibilitiesTM

46. What are you paranoid about? having a heart attack and no one being around to help me/not noticing until its too late

47. Have you ever been high? yea

48. Have you ever been drunk? yea

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black

51. Ever wished you were someone else? no, but i have wished my parents were

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my chin probs. idk i like myself

53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont wear makeup

54. Favourite store? this is a duplicate question.

55. Favourite blog? uhm.

56. Favourite colour? black/grey/light pink/raspberry/celery green

57. Favourite food? cheese, cheddar brats, spinach, chocolate chip cookies, milkshakes

58. Last thing you ate? rice w beef, spinach, egg and soy sauce

59. First thing you ate this morning? coffee and nutella

60. Ever won a competition? For what? I think so but i cant remember. Oh i think I won an anti-bullying poster competition once.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? lol nopee

62. Been arrested? For what? no

63. Ever been in love? few times now

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? uh. no. cuz i didnt even like the dude.

65. Are you hungry right now? no

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i only have one real friend so I feel like thats unfair

67. Facebook or Twitter? tumblr.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? still tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? lol no

70. Names of your bestfriends? no, bc hed not appreciate it

71. Craving something? What? not rn

72. What colour are your towels? grey or floral w pinks and blacks and oranges

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes, usu. 2

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? total? uh. 8?

75. Favourite animal? birbs prob.

76. What colour is your underwear? why?

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate, unless its ice cream. then vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? berry (any) or cheesecake (also any)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey

80. What colour pants? a darker grey

81. Favourite tv show? uh. i like sherlock.

82. Favourite movie? deadpool probs. or pirates of the Caribbean. or Aladdin. or detective pikachu.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? never seen either

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? never seen either

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? n/a

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? uhm. I cant remember. Probs the black and white one w the scar, or the starfish, or the sea gull

87. First person you talked to today? my sister

88. Last person you talked to today? my best friend

89. Name a person you hate? my past roommate

90. Name a person you love? my best friend

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? my past roommate and most recent ex

92. In a fight with someone? currently? no? ever? yes.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? 5

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 6

95. Last movie you watched? i dont know

96. Favourite actress? i dunno

97. Favourite actor? i dunno

98. Do you tan a lot? no

99. Have any pets? no

100. How are you feeling? i dont know

101. Do you type fast? yeah

102. Do you regret anything from your past? yeah, but not overly

103. Can you spell well? i think so 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? i dont think so, but i want to (w the right people)

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah, oops

107. Have you ever been on a horse? yep

108. What should you be doing? cleaning my house

109. Is something irritating you right now? no

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yea

111. Do you have trust issues? yea

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my best friend

113. What was your childhood nickname? B. as in, just the letter

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yea

115. Do you play the Wii? no

116. Are you listening to music right now? yea

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? not usually

118. Do you like Chinese food? i think so

119. Favourite book? uhm. sherlock (the whole series). the uglies series (scott westerfield). the secret garden. Fahrenheit 451. 1984. 

120. Are you afraid of the dark? no, but sometimes im afraid theres something in it

121. Are you mean? no

122. Is cheating ever okay? no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? if i want to

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no

125. Do you believe in true love? im not sure i know what this means

126. Are you currently bored? no

127. What makes you happy? i dont know

128. Would you change your name? no

129. What your zodiac sign? gemini

130. Do you like subway? i cant eat there

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? lol weve been dating for a while now

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my best friend

133. Favourite lyrics right now? uh. I dont know.

134. Can you count to one million? that would take a month, so no.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? i dont know. probably that i couldnt go to work bc i was “throwing up from a migraine” when i hadnt thrown up (yet).

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? it varies

137. How tall are you? i think im like. 5′8″?

138. Curly or Straight hair? curly. but not consistent

139. Brunette or Blonde? i am a brunette

140. Summer or Winter? winter. i can always wear more clothes

141. Night or Day? night. its quiet and calm

142. Favourite month? august and october

143. Are you a vegetarian? no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? yes.

145. Tea or Coffee? yes. depends on time of day/year/mood/etc

146. Was today a good day? i dont know

147. Mars or Snickers? mars

148. What’s your favourite quote? “if you cant explain it simply, you dont understand it well enough” -einstien is one of them. but there are more

149. Do you believe in ghosts? i dont know

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “aunt lillian’s footsteps became more distant, became whispers, were gone.”

@ramblebrambleamble i got bored and answered all of them

[skizmin]

haunted house!au with lee minho

prompt: minho falls in love with the actor that jump scared him inside the haunted house at a carnival

genre: fluff???? would it be anything else???? in my happy angst-makes-me-cry household???? pfft.

for: im sorry this one is lightly gender specific for females!! but the only female not made is about dressing as wendy for a costume party which some of my male readers might be uncomfortable with!! (i didnt even think abt it when writing it bc me and one of my guy friends have respectively gone as peter and wendy to costume parties)

warnings: gore mention stuff but its haunted house costumes, swearing ofc but nothing extreme (no slurs).

yo anyway so minhos one of my three ults wowzas Can He Not?

alright lets get to it

You Are Broke.

your major subject at uni really does cost a lot of money. money you have to provide. it sucks basically

whenever you think abt money you have to hold back tears bc You Have None.

:(((((

sorry anyway

one of your housemates is also broke and loves scouring the internet for quick and easy ways to get money, no matter how crazy they are

one night she comes back with an idea that peaks your interest, probably purely bc your card just got declined ordering a coffee at mcdonalds

“y/n you HAVE to do this one!!!!!”

you sigh like “if its selling my sub topic notes online again, im not doing it. i didnt even know someone could be so harsh about highlighter use???”

your housemate is all pfft im not putting you thru that again

“no!! basically, you get $80 to show up for 2 and 1/2 hours at the haunted house place at that carnival nearby!! dude we gotta, its just to scare the fuck outta people and we can like!! cover ourselves in blood!! n stuff!!”

at first your mind was like lmfao 2&1/2 hours at a haunted house?? no fuckin way

but then you remembered your job only paid you $14.78 an hour so you were doubling your pay in half the amount of time

“when?”

“20 minutes, get out a creepy white dress or something that looks creepy that you can get dirty.”

you fricken ran to your room

you ended up getting a cheap nightgown that you bought to dress up as wendy from peter pan to a costume party, it cost like $2 you really werent sad to see it go

“y/n!! hurry up!! they have makeup there!!”

you bolted out the front door in your nightgown, runners and a big coat with nothing but your wallet phone and keys in your pocket

you were really broke and desperate, youd already accepted it

when you got to the carnival you were in awe, it had been a fair few years since your last one and the colours and lights and pounding music and laughter just

wow, carnivals are so pretty

the guy running the haunted house came in and let you guys in so you didnt pay admission and quickly sat you down at some tables and told you you could do the makeup yourself or got someone else to

you, feeling daring and thinking fuck it, im gonna make the haunted house goers shit their pants, decided to do your own makeup

to pair with your blue nightgown you simply gave yourself extremely dark and sullen eyes with the power of purple eyeshadow, you paled out your lips and gave yourself a lil nosebleed, and on top of that you painted a random creepy looking symbol on your forehead in blood, blackening it our a little with an eyeliner pen to make it seem like it was cut open.

you were lowkey proud of your work

okay now it was show time, you were briefed on where in the house you could stay and you were told how to act and basic rules (no touching, get help if theyre freaking out too much, etc)

so now, you were in the dimly lit narrow hallways of this makeshift house when you heard the tell tale screams of your housemate meaning theres a group coming and theyd just attempted to jump scare them

you hid behind a black sheet, disguised as a wall, before your victims came up through your hallway

you heard some talk of “felix you know its fake, calm down.” before you saw some shadows pass by

the group was big, maybe 10 people? you werent sure, but you went forward with your plan anyway

just after theyd passed your hiding place, you stepped out from behind them and stood idly and innocently in the centre of the corridor before you put your head down and started whistling a nursery rhyme

you heard a few gasps and a few squeaks before you looked up with an unreadable expression

you saw them looking at you and some of the guys ushered some of the others away though one guy stood there looking at you strangely

you just tilted your head at him before taking your OPERATION: SCARE mission a step farther

bringing your hands up to your ears you let out a ear piercing scream and squeezed your eyes shut before running through the group and turning the corner at the end of the small corridor

you heard a soft what the fuck was that and a less soft language! before you turned and waited for them to turn the corner

as they were walking up the corridor however (theyd resolved to moving with just shuffles of their feet) you heard a new voice speak up. it was somewhat playful and honeydew like, especially with the phrase “not gonna lie, they were really fucking pretty.” which was followed by a chorus of “miNHO”’s and “thIs iS NoT The TiME bUddY” and “i think felix is crying”

you were taken aback

did he mean that? was that the one looking at you earlier? what the frick?

you were still blanking out, completely flabbergasted even when the group turned the corner

of course, you were unprepared, you planned to scream a loud “GET OUT!” to them but all that left your mouth was a squeak as you met eyes with the stranger again, red flushing up your neck

you ran away quickly, ducking into one of the rooms dressed up to look like a metal asylum holding centre

“hyung wtf theyre the scariest one yet”

“you guys go ahead, ill be there in a second”

“hyuNG YOURE GONNA GET KILLED DONT YOU WATCH HORROR MOVIES YOU NEVER SPLIT UP!”

“let go jisungie, hyunjins looking at you like you disgust him right now”

a chorus of laughs echoed through the hall

why was honeydew voice not going ahead?

your cheeks were still kinda red as you waited, listening for the male to go away

you slowly inched towards the doorway of the small room you were in, the flashing light behind you somewhat hindering your senses as you peeked through the shredded and knotted white sheet hanging from the top of the doorway but you couldnt see anyo-

“BOO!” “HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK” you scReAmed and jumped backwards, only to hear some cakcling from behind the sheet where the boy from earlier had appeared

“WHAT THE HECK KNUCKLES DUDE!”

“heck knuckles?”

“DONT JUDGE ME MY HEART IS BEATING A MILLION MILES PER HOUR RIGHT NOW”

“hmm? really?” you looked up to see the boy smirking playfully at you. 

he looks like a cat

“aH yeAh??? you just scared the crap out of me!!!1!1!!!” you huffed, amused by him behaviour. you heartbeat still hadnt calmed down

“oh? you sure it wasnt just from looking at me?” he leaned in slightly, making the question seem innocent

“mmhm, youre that ugly that i flew halfway across a room.” though the comment was monotonous and you had a bored look in your eyes, it was purely for bantering

“nice try pumpkin, nice try. anyway, when do you finish with the whole im an ugly ghost coming to kill you thing? youre terrible at it by the way.”

your breath hitched and a blush came up your neck

“o-okay listen here, uh, boy! 1, i am Not a Pumpkin. 2, i dont know you. 3, im fucking amazing at this ask your friends and 4, i dont know you” you awkwardly coughed at the end

he furrowed his eyebrows at you “its minho, and the whole point is i want to get to know you.” he beamed at you after this

you felt lightheaded honestly, it was all happening very quickly under weird circumstances

but still, you muttered back to him a soft “i get off at 10:30″

he smiled wider, triumphantly, “10:30?”

you nodded and he took a couple of steps back, out of the room

“see you then i guess!” at this, he winked, before he jogged off to find his friends

you fell back against a wal

lwhat the frick frack paddy whack just happened?

you sighed, hearing the screeching and slam of a metal door, knowing you had to get back to scaring others

like,,, @ 10:33

you had all your stuff and you were walking out from behind the haunted house set up, waiting for your housemate

you honestly didnt think youd see minho. no guy is that persistent, right?

wrong.

“h-hey!!! demon child person!!!” you looked up at this

who the fuck just called me demon child person 

you saw him and holy shit

the haunted house was dark with red lighting in some places and flashing blinding white lights in others, you saw minho and you saw what he looked like, but wow, he was so much clearer now

he was absolutely gorgeous

the carnival lights against his tan skin, his dark hair, his skinny black jeans and big parka coat? you were absolutely mesmerised

suddenly you realised you were staring and he was standing right in front of you

“o-oh, uh, hi?” you could already feel the red on your cheeks

“mm, hey, wanna hang out for a bit?” he smiled at you, you saw a tinge of red on his nose from the cold

“oh, actually i uh, i came with my housemate and-”

“anD THEY’D LOVE TO GO!!” 

suddenly your housemate was next to you, throwing an arm over your shoulder and telling you to get home safely and asking you to not be too loud before shes nudging you closer to the attractive minho boy and speed walking off

“i gotta say, i like your housemate” minho looked to you with a wide smile. “should we get you some food first?”

you offered him a meek smile and shyly nodded. which he laughed at

“alright then, lets go!” he gripped you lightly by the elbow and led you through the crowd, passing some speedy and tall and colourful rides. you decided to speak up.

“sooo... after you get food, whatd you wanna do?” minho made a contemplating sound before simply saying “i dont mind, i just want to get to know you.”

oh

“uh, okay then, well uh, what do you wanna know?” “to be honest, a name would be great.” minho laughed goodheartedly, you saw the apples of his cheeks rise up and his nose scrunching slightly

“oH! riGht! im uh, im y/n”

this time he turned to you “y/n?” you nodded. “thats a pretty name, it matches you.”

you turned away mumbling a thanks before you realised he’d called you pretty

“woAh wait whAt??? do you?? have no shame??”

this time he giggled

giggled

oh my god your heart practically stopped especially when he steered you to a table for the both of you to sit down

“y/n, i dont know if you noticed but i basically sorta asked you out like 2 hours ago while you were trying to scare me dressed as a demonic creepy child, a really fucking cute one at that, you need to teach me how to do that im in awe. but yeah and then now we’re here on a spontaneous first date which i have no clue what im doing for and i really dont know you at all apart from you act in a haunted house which is pretty interesting but you were just that pretty that i stayed behind in a haunted house to talk to you. now ask yourself again, does minho ever feel ashamed of his blatantly obvious attempts at flirting? the answer however is: when it comes to you? no, never.”

he was smiling proudly at his little monologue whilst you were catching flies in your open mouth

“you...are actually the cheesiest person ive ever fucking met.”

minho laughs once again.

“honestly, ill give you all the compliments in the world if it means youll give me your number or something, even the ones that arent true”

you leaned over the table and slapped his arm lightly, grumbling under your breath about fliritng getting you nowhere in life

he simply rested his elbow on the table and his cheek in his hand, gazing at you and asking you what food you wanted

you ended up being so strung in by his his gorgeous eyes and soft looking cheeks that he had to call your name 3 times and repeat the question

bonus:

after eating some gross junk food and watching the midnight fireworks, minho bought you both fairyfloss and insisted on walking you home saying “its what anyone in their right mind would do” 

you walked along, him explaining his fear of heights and you explaining your situation of brokeness where you take almost any opportunity available

along the way he slinked his fingers through yours and placed them in the pocket of his big parka coat, smiling at you as you ducked your head to look at the ground, where youd started kicking your feet out extra to distract yourself from the affectionate gesture and calm the burning of your cheeks

when you arrived at your house, you fought over who should eat the leftover fairy floss.

you viciously shoved it into his hand, 

“you paid for it and you walked me home even though its late and cold, you keep it.”

minho looked like he was going to fight back for a minute before his eyes lit up

“ill take it on one condition, i get to feed a piece to you.” he beamed at you and you looked at him confused and skeptic

“uhhh, okay i guess?”

he picked a piece off of the stick and held it in front of you, you opened your mouth for it and he placed it in

before it could melt and you could smile at him however, you felt his hand on your cheek and a hand on your lower back tugging you forward to rest his lips on yours, moving his lips against them a total of three times before pulling back

“i know i shouldve asked, but id buy you fairy floss every day if i got to do that once.”

you were a stuttering mess, your mind was fuzzy, you missed the feeling of him so close to you already

“uh-i, i um. wow uh yeah. uhhh, yeah no its fine i um,,,, i didnt mind it actually. wait no, i uh, i really liked it?”

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

minho is BEAMING OH MY GOD

biggest smile of the century goes to lee minho, born in 1998

youre so red it isnt funny and he just moves the hand that was on your cheek to loosely grab at your fingers

“mm, okay then y/n, maybe if you wash the fake blood off of your face and text me ill kiss you again, for as long as you want.”

if your face was red before

oh god

oh god

you squeaked and nodded as he chuckled, lightly kissing your cheek before backing away

“get some sleep y/n, and message me tomorrow.” with that, he was walking away, leaving you to enter your house and be greeted by a squealing housemate who had witnessed the whole thing

(you took minho up on that offer, and he did kiss you, and it was longer, and it was great until his friend chris walked into minhos living room and saw you both and started screaming about keeping it PG because there were (17 yr old) kids around.)

finish! hope you like it!!

[chaoticqueertiefling]

Ok so, I usually wait a while b4 making a post about the newest season of voltron, if i ever do at all, but theres a thought I had about the show itself thay I think would be a good topic for discussion. And itll sound politicalish but i think its important.

I wanna first start off with how empty lances ending made me feel inside. Maybe cuz i always felt close to him as a bi mess who tries to be open but is full of insecurities, but until after doing some thinking at work and reading some posts on tumblr did i really not feel so empty.

but that time i spent thinking at my mind numbing job, i remember something im sure i heard about how the writers wanted to kill shirp and let the team bond but didnt bc shiro was popular and dreamworks? said they wanted him alive to sell more merch. yes i liked shiro a lot too, but the story possibly changed for the sake of capitalism and making money. as much as i like shiro i think the team bonding would have been a good path for the story to take, with shiro never coming back.

idk, i needed a rant. i dont like how influencial money can b on stories and shows etc. As a writer myself i would be devestated to be told to change my story bc they company i work for wants to makw more money.

so maybe if i get the time ill try to write some vld fanfics (and gwt an ao3) and finish the one i started. i have one in progress, one in my head, and i wamna write two tjat r alternate realities. one where shiro is gone after s2, and one where adam was at the pod crashsite and got taken to space with the rest of the paladins^^' idk, ill see what happens~

thanks all for reading^^

[paradoxidolatry]

Brotherly Love

@birdhole , @beatconductor a lil bit

TG: hey TG: sup

TT: Hey. TT: Not much.  Lunch break at work. TT: Sup?

TG: oh thats sweet TG: sucks theres no free pizza in it when you work as a cop huh TG: i guess its overall kind of a step up from the pizza gig tho

TT: Right? Free donuts though. TT: But nah, yeah, not so bad. TT: Didn't get a chance to tell you about it but I figure Dave or whoever's already spilled those beans. TT: Kinda weird, right?

TG: yeah dave told me TG: donuts just like a real cop huh TG: still cant quite wrap my head around this cop thing tbh TG: i can see you working as a LOT of things but a cop? thats wild

TT: Yeah. TT: I mean, I figured.  Got all that military experience, right? TT: But I didn't want to go back to the military. TT: Plus, working as a cop is an equal mix of 'keeps me active' and 'allows me to work around certain roadblocks in regards to the acquisitions business', so it was a good compromise. TT: Better than fast food and skin flicks again, at any rate.

TG: i mean i guess that makes logical sense n all TG: still fucking wild as shit to me TG: guess you can still wear a uniform even its obviously not as sweet as the fast food ones

TT: Yeah, I really miss that old greasy apron. TT: But what can you do?

TG: the grease just made your eyes pop in that special way ykno TG: chicks love it

TT: They fuckin do, don't they? TT: But somethin tells me you didn't message me to talk about the chicks missing my pizza funk.

TG: you sure about that? its a pretty great topic you could write a book on it become rich quick with your pick up tips

TT: Hey, I'm already on chapter 7: the Sausage Party. TT: But really though. TT: What's up, boss?

TG: nothing TG: i was just TG: thinking about you is all

> Heart, squeeze. TT: That right? TT: Cool, cool. TT: Was thinking about you earlier too, actually.

TG: oh? any reason or

[Dave txt @ bro] im watching u [Dave txt @ bro] > that chicken image

TT: Just, y'know. TT: Was outside on a smoke break and I saw a couple of pigeons hanging out, eating some sandwich or some shit on the sidewalk and like. TT: Got me thinking about you, and like. TT: I spent the past 13 years thing you're dead or some shit, and now you're alive and it's. TT: Just fuckin buck wild. TT: Pardon me for sound fucking sappy but it's kind of like a dream come true.

[TT > Dave: I'm behaving, dad.]

TG: ...am i a pigeon now? tho i do admit i would eat that floor sandwich(edited) TG: yeah its...its fucking wild huh? TG: kinda thought id never see you again even after TG:  i got away and shit TG: idk why not like you up and died but? after looking for you and you werent there i dunno i guess TG: i thought you just TG: werent going to come back TG: ...you didnt even see my wings yet you dont get to relate me to birds just yet dude

TT: I mean, I saw them in a picture. TT: One of you and Dave and a bunch of trolls and some old dude in front of a candy cane dildo? TT: But also you post about birds and shit all the time, so I figured that was sort of your Thing now. TT: And ... well.  I dunno. TT: Almost didn't. TT: I was just gonna stay on Earth, maybe pop in to visit every so often. TT: But then all that shit happened and Dave wasn't answering my messages, so I thought he was dead too, and...well. TT: I guess I'm, uh... grateful to the apocalypse for.  I guess bringing you back to me? TT: Well, no. TT: But like, at least letting me know you're alive.

TG: oh...yeah thats TG: thats my sisters actually and uh..shit what even is grig? grandpa i guess TG: already know mr d after all TG: i mean... im not sure how i feel yet TG: i guess im sorta glad because TG: i mean it has been my embarrassing dream to play family with you again for a while TG: i want to be a family again TG: a lot TG: its just TG: hard

TT: Sisters, huh?  Well damn, you got the whole family package with these folks, huh? TT: Nice.  How long you been with them? TT: Yeah, I figured. TT: I didn't, and don't, make it easy. I know. TT: A lot easier when you were a baby, even if our folks were shit, just cuz, y'know. TT: Everything hadn'tt happened yet. TT: Hadn't started to completely fuckin lose my mind and treat you like dogshit. TT: But I mean.  I dunno. TT: I'm not gonna force you or nothin. TT: But if you ever wanted to come backto the apartment and chill for a day, see how you feel about it? TT: That'd be uh. TT: That'd be really nice.

TG: 3 years TG: as long as ive been TG: away from scratch... TG: i..yeah i guess maybe TG: can you even handle seeing me get gay with dave tho

TT: God.  You were with Scratch that whole fuckin time? TT: Fuckin sonnuvabitch refused to tell me what he did with you. TT: Anyway. TT: Handling y'all and your homogay is a small price to pay at the end of the day. TT: Even if it's still. TT: Kinda really weird from my perspective. TT: But I respect y'all and he takes good care of you, so I can't complain too much, right?

TG: ...yeah like ten years TG: kinda fucked up huh TG: ill..ill think about it TG: okay so im gonna be real with you here for a sec okay TG: i TG: messaged you because i was talking to dave and i realized i missed you and TG: that i TG: kindawantahugiguess

TT: ...Yeah? TT: I can do a hug, yeah. TT: Where are you?  I can meet you, if you wanna.

TG: ...workin TG: at [coords] TG: dont arrest me mr officer these drugs are prescription

TT: I'll leave the cuffs in the car. TT: What happens off-duty stays off-duty, though, so. TT: See you in five.

TG: kay > Try not to freak out. Freak out anyways.

> Pull up by the curb a short walk away and park. > Look, you even pay for the parking meter and everything. > Step out of the car in your full uniform and approach Sock, one hand in  your pocket, the other raised in a wave hello.

> Oh god, he really fucking is a god damn cop. That's so damn weird. God. > Not as weird as randomly meeting up with him for a hug though. Damn it that was the dumbest idea. > You wave back, trying hard to look cool and not like you are dying on the inside and failing miserably.

> You stride up alongside him and... ...well, now what, actually. > Neither of you are very good at this kind of planning, are you. > Damnit, Striders. "Hey." > Now just to... > ... > Open your arms up? > Yeah.  That's how hugs happen.

> Oh god, he's going right for it.Oh god. Not even small talk or anything really bro? > Maybe that's better anyways because god know you don't know what to say. "Hey." > You take a deep breath and you...Go for the fucking hug. Squeeze that big bro tight.

> Aww shit here it comes and here he is.  All up and hugging you. > Actually, that's uh. > That's real nice. > You wrap your arms around him and pull him in for a good, tight hug. > It's probably not the most comfortable thing, what with your radio strapped onto your chest and name plates aand shit, but. > At least for you?  This is a fucking good hug. > (Don't you dare tear up in public.)

> You don't really care about the cofort level of this, it's something you've been craving for 13 years now, a little radio isn't going to stop you from enjoying it. > It's nice. It's familiar, like all the good parts of Bro you've been missing wrapped up for you in one big huggable form. Easy to forget all the shit for a moment. > But the moment does end and when you pull away you have to wipe at you eyes like an idiot. "Uh...Th-thanks."

> Aww, shit goddamn.  He's teaaring up too under those glasses. > You swipe one knuckle under your shades, and you take a steaadying breath. "Hey, yeah, no problem." > Breathe easy, Strider.  You glance up for a moment as you see a fatass snowflake come drifting down, then you look to Sock again. "Hey, you wanna maybe grab some lunch with me?  Haven't eaten yet and it's still my break, so."

> Well at least you are both sappy motherfuckers now. > Oh. You didn't expect that. You think about what Dave told you earlier "Stay in control" and promptly decide to fuck that advice because shit. You are already here. You already went for it like an idiot. "Yeah sure. Gonna have Donuts like a proper cop?" > You make such a face at the snow. Ugh, you didn't really prepare for that kinda weather, fuck.

> You snort a laugh and give your flat stomach a pat. "Gotta work on that signature cop gut, don't I? C'mon." > You gesture behind you with a jerk of your thumb. "Hop in up front.  You can pick the place."

"Hell yeah you do. You look like a fake ass striper cop dude." > You get into the car and immediately get the seatbelt. Doesn't feel safe otherwise. You don't really like cars still but you can't pin point why. It's just a weird personality quirk yeah? But you are used to being in one at this point of your life. > Just drive carefully. Please.

> You hop in and buckle up too, both pleased and a litttle saddened that you didn't even need to remind Sock to put on his seatbelt. > Poor kid. > Luckily, you are an impeccably safe driver, and the drive to Wherever is smooth and uneventful.

> Old habits die hard. > You feel kind of awkward in the car with him, it's too silent for our tastes. > You get out of the car at whatever this amazing food place he's taking you is. Fingers crossed for fast food- "Y'know kinda funny. Always figured my first frive in a cop car would be because I'm getting arrested."

> You snort a laugh.  It's Sock's old favorite pizza place. > God you hope he still likes this shit. > Also this wasn't a Pizza Pimp before, was it?  It was Gino's-- > Wait. > Ugh, well, maybe Dave's not at work. "If you're planning on getting arrested, you're doing this pushing thing wrong, kid."(edited)

> Oh the Pizza Pimp. Fucking score. Maybe Dave is there, that would be rad. "I didn't say I was, I said I didn't think I'd ride a cop car otherwise. Your hearing getting bad?" > You immediately freeze after saying that. Oh man, actually sassing Bro though? Please don't hit me.

> Dave is unfortunately not there, but he sure would love to.

> You catch that freeze, and you... > You snort a little, before pointing to your ears. "Too many concerts and phat-ass beats.  Knew I shouldn't have gotten all up and personal with those speakers.  Who knew the grown-ups were right about that?" > You smile, and it's a little awkward cuz you sure as hell have never been the smiling type, before you hold open the door for him. "C'mon, before we freeze our asses off."

> Oh. Okay. It's cool. It's chill. In a quite literal sense even so you get your silly ass inside. > A smile though? You haven't seen your brother smile in...far longer than you haven't seen him for sure. > That little scare knocked the speech right out of you though so you just awkwardly sit down at the next best table, suddenly really not sure how good of an idea this was.

> You take a seat opposite him, and when the server approaches, you order yourself a water instead of a soda. > Who are you, even. > You glance over the menu, humming softly.  Some of these item names... fitting for a place called Pizza Pimp. "You wanna split one, or do individuals, or?"

> Who is he indeed. You order a black coffee instead of apple juice though, so maybe the traditional Strider beverages are just staying outside today. "Uhhh..Not super hungry honestly I don't mind sharing one." > You haven't been able to eat a whole pizza at once in a while but you don't say that.

"Alright.  We'll split a medium and you can take the rest home if you want." > You let him pick the toppings too.  This really is a strange Strider day.

> The strangest. Do they have nuggets as topping because you want that.

> They might have like, baked chicken, which is kinda like nuggets and also? Is Carro-approved.

> Do you think the pizza pimp doesn't have a nugget topping what kinda fool do you take Dave for.

> A big one. >:3

> LISTEN Nuggets have been added like at least two months ago. Cock Special.

> Goddamnit, Dave.

> Sock loves Dave and the Cock Special Pizza. Prepare ya taste buds Bro.(edited)

"One Cock Special with extra cock please" > Yes, this is exactly how you order.

> Oh your face. > You're so fucking proud.  Dave sure is your little brother, and so too is Sock. > Bless these fucking kids.

"Hope you like it, it's my fav." > Both the pizza and you know.

> Yeah.  Yeah, you know. "Sure I will." > Snort a laugh. "This sure isn't Gino's anymore, huh.  You remember that place?"

"Oh yeah. Man..That's been a while. Clover gifted the place to Dave what? 2 years ago?" > Back when you were on a no homo basis. Memories.

> [Clover: nya face]

"Used to be your favorite, but maybe that's because it was free when I worked here. ...Clover?"

"I'm always a slut for free food but I still digged their shit later. Oh uh..Yeah. Little green guy? 4 of the Felt?" > Should..You now have mentioned that?

> [Dave] Oh no.

> There's this shift in your face.  It's not a frown, but a certain tightening of your lips as you're hit with the full brunt of what Sock just said. "...Dave's...doing business with the Felt?"

> WHOOPSIES >Oh. Oh, oh, oh shit. You fucked up. You didn't really think about that when you said it. At all. Shit. Fuck. Damn. "Hahaha whaaaat? Noooo. Of course not! He'd never uh...Clover is just y'know his uh... Sugar daddy yeah. Cash money man, can't say no to that even from a greenie right?" > Well it's not entirely a lie. You are sweating though.

> You paw at your face and you sit back in your seat, eyebrows knit together tightly. > Looks like you're going to have to have a little talk with Dave when you get home. "...No, guess not.  Desperate times and all that, right?"

"Yeah exactly! Haha..." > God this is uncomfortable. You are going to warn Dave but you already feel like shit. Fuck. "Don't...Don't hurt him okay?" > There's fear in your eyes now. Not for you but for your boyfriend, which is so much worse in your eyes.

> That snaps you Right out of your bad thought spiral and you quickly wave your hand. "Hey, no, no.  Not gonna hurt him.  It's chill." > There's that smile again, even if it's uneasy and a bit green around the gills.  Your brother and the Felt... "Really.  Just surprised he hadn't mentioned it before now."

> [Dave] GUESS WHY.

" 'kay..." > He probably hadn't mentioned it for a reason. You couldn't have known Dave wasn't supposed to do business with the Felt but you still feel like shit. It makes sense in hindsight and considering your history of course but...You just plain didn't know. > The Pizza arrives but you suddenly don't feel very hungry at all, sipping on you coffee awkwardly instead.

> You're, similarly, not hungry, but you've got to salvage this.  Not telling when or if Sock will agree to see you again after this. "Sorry, I just... Y'know, getting offered a gift by those guys.  If they had snatched Dave too..." > You shake your head, and sigh it off.  Out with the bad. "But they didn't, and that's that.  So." > You take up a slice of the pizza and you point is casually at Sock, an eyebrow quirked. "What're you out there peddling?"

> Oh. You'd really rather not follow that line of thought, yeah.  Smooth topic change. "Dude, don't think I should be discussing that with a cop in a pizzeria. Mr D would murder me man."

"Hey." > You make a show of taking off your badge and laying it upside down on the table. "Off-duty, not a cop.  So is it the good shit, or is it like, oregano in a dimebag being passed off as weed."

"We're still in public man." > And you don't want to piss off your Dad on top of the shit you just pulled.

"Yeah, yeah.  Weren't you in public anyway?" > You chuckle a little and you point toward the kitchen area. "Your big bro used to sell shitty dimebags out of there, way back.  Dealt to all the line cooks."

" Course you did." > You roll your eyes behind your shades. "What you want an inventory list? Okay I'll just tell you my favorite product aight? Kinder Überraschungseier......The surprise is Cocaine." > Huh, sure did slip into your mother tongue there. Welp..

> Okay.  You actually laugh then. "You're selling Kinder Überraschungseier full of Cocaine.  Shut the fuck up, seriously?" > You're nodding approvingly now. "That's a fucking great idea.  Where the fuck'd you get the chocolates, though? Make them yourself?"

> That makes you feel..really proud? Huh. You can't stop the big dorky grin from spreading on your face. "Best idea I ever had, honestly. I'm importing them from earth, duh. Along with a bunch of other banned sweets and shit. Who the fuck thought peeps are illegal anyways?"

> You balk at that and you laugh again. "Peeps are illegal here-- wait, shit, right." > Smack your forehead. "That's my job to know that now.  Wow, fuckin fire me now."

"Maybe I should show you my stock, just as a reminder. A fucking lot of dumb shit is. Fucking Lattes were banned man. Until the King unbanned them just for Jude which is honestly so fucking stupid. Way to play favorite, just like royalty should am I right? Not that I'm complaining, love me a big fat Latte." > Man it's...Nice to be able to make that kind of shit tier level german dick joke and to know you're gonna be understood just fine.

> You snort your water and you pull a face,but you're clearly goofing around a loving it. "Fucking nasty, dude.  I don't need to hear about your love of big hot fuckin Lattes."

"Aren't you glad the prospitian monarchy digs a steaming hot Latte too? What a life that would be otherwise." > You snort yourself.

"Jesus christ.  Fuckin whities, dude." > You stuff some pizza in your mouth and you talk withyour mouth full like the fat nasty trash you are. "Can you believe I have to work with them?  Like what the fuck."

"The Queen gives me the creeps with her I love everyone bull. And the King seems like a huge fucking idiot so...Congrats man. Jackpot."

"Not had the chance to meet either, but this is the closest I've gotten to infiltrating the corrupt government yet.  Maybe if I keep my shit up, I can finally overthrow them from the inside." > You are entirely dead seriouus.

"What's the masterplan? Shoot them in public?" > You aren't but you also don't mind the topic. Not a fan of these guys.

"Nah, nah, nothing like that.  Too messy.  Besides." > You gesture at the scar that runs oveer your eyes. "Never been a fan of guns."

"I know." > Hell maybe you should be grateful he ain't. Swords fucked you over bad enough. "Seems like a popular approach is all. Like historically or whatever. But I guess you gotta go for something less stale huh?"

"Of course.  Flashy's the only way to be when you're taking out a corrupt system of government."

"Looking forwards to the show Bro." > Except you hope he's fucking joking.

> You totally fucking aren't. > You toss him a wink, which of course he can't see all that well behind your shades. "Hope it's a good one.  You gonna eat any pizza, lil bro?"

"Oh, right." > You finally grab a piece too. "How's the Cock Special?"

> Stuff the rest of your piece into your mouth and brush the crumbs off of your fingers. "It's not big hot Latte, but it's nice and tasty all up in my mouth, so it'll do."

"I mean we can grab a Latte next time-" > Did you just say next time. Did you just imply you want to meet up like this again? Shit. > Stuff your mouth with Pizza real quick.

> Oh. > Oh... That makes yourr heart do the smiley emote. > You grin a liittle bit about that and you say, voice kinda soft, "Yeah... alright.  I'd like that."

"Me too...I think." > If you don't hurt my boyfriend tonight that is, is what you think.

> Don't you worry, Sock.  Not gonna hurt your boyfriend tonight. > You're not gonna be home, so Dave gets to go unhurt for another night.

> Or any other night Bro.(edited) > Or day, or ever:

> Well, at least you'll try to keep your cool when you talk to Dave about it later.

> That's a good start.

> Fuck yeah.  Before you all finish up here, you nod back to the streets now lightly coat with snow. "You going back to your corner, right?  You need a jacket?"

"I mean, I'll live..." > But it's pretty obvious that you don't have any especially warm clothes on you, you know like an idiot.

"Yeah, and you'll get sick, doofus." > You shrug off your jacket--it's a plain black windbreaker, while you wait for your city issue polcie jacket to come in--and you ball it up, handing it over to him. "Here."

> You open your mouth to respond but the Jacket is already in your hands. Oh. That's..Oh. > Is that what it's like to have a caring older brother? "Thanks..." > The Jacket is far too big for you and smells like Bro. It's a weird feeling to put it on. Like a hug you can wear. > Your heart is doing several emotions.

"Hey, no sweat. No good to go out there to work if you're just gonna freeze to death, yeah?" > You have the server bring you all a box for the leftovers, and you give those to him, too. > You stand from the stand and stretch. "Alright, my lunch is about over.  You ready to go?

"Uh, yeah." > You are still trying to sort your feelings over all of this. It's weird. It's nice. > It's what you wanted all along. > Except for the part where you are scared about Dave. > You get up too feeling like a huge fool.

> You, very very carefully, put your hand on his back and lead him out back into the cold. > Look to him, then to your car. "Back to tthe same corner? Or you got anywhere else you need to be?"

> You tense up just a little at the touch but let it happen anyways. "Y-yeah same place." > You just get into the car quickly to cut off the awkward moment. Not without putting on your seatbelt of course.

> Always seatbelt first, kid! > You buckle in and drive him back to the street corner you found him on, putting the car into park but not getting out. "Alright.  Don't get into any trouble, alright?  Oh, and patrol comes past here in about 30 minutes, so be cool when they pass, yeah?"

"Oh uh..Okay. See you, I guess." > You wave an awkward goodbye, overwhelmed by a lot of conflicting emotions.

> You're about to drive off, but then you open the door and, hanging halfway out, you call to him, "Hey! Love you, Sock."

> That just leaves you starring for a moment. Did he just-? Does he? What. Can not compute. "L-Love you too Bro..." > You are not sure if he heard that with the way you mumbled that. You are not sure if you want him to or not. > It's only getting weirder. > But it also warms your birdy little heart.

> You heard it--you've actually got pretty good hearing still, despite all tthatt music and shit. > You smile and wave again before ducking back into your car and driving off.

> The patrol driving by half an hour later doesn't find a drug dealer, just a crying kid in some back alley. > This absolutely kills the bird.

[askguyslikeus]

oh shit yall send lots of questions hoo nelly answering almost all of them under the cut ,,, im gunan try and answer more technical ones first then fun ones and ones about the mod later so u dont gotta scroll all the way to the bottom for the good deets

Hi! I'm still kinda new to the blog and I was wondering what are the 'do and do-not' kind question I should do? Because im sure theres always that one ask thats just Innapropiated, like that one of Michael 'taking advantage og high Jeremy' that was just not cool.  i got this ask a lot so ill be clear with yall. im just not a big angst fan? so sending michael asks about his anxiety nonstop and about how he had a panic attack in the bathroom over and over again wasnt that fun. usually if it pertains the musical though you should be find sending an ask about it? but sometimes i get asks that are like “jeremy ur nothing and how does it feel knowing u fucked everything up” like homie how i think its feels? how u think hes gunna react to that? i made this blog to negate a lot of negativity in my own life so i can promise u im going to be answering asks mostly positive always forever. that being said tho i sometimes get asks pertaining to a few things that ive dealt with in the past and these topics make me very very uncomfortable. dont send asks about these topics please. this is the no no list

-self harm, cancer, suicide, rape, parent death, car accidents, sudden death.

What was your inspiration for this blog? hoo boy well,,, ultimately i thought of them rooming together and got emotional and made a huge list of headcanons and was like ,,, why not run an askblog for a bit ill just abandon it after three asks lets have some fun. but somehow im still here and i got sucked in by the complexity of michael and jeremy. i know that sounds kinda silly but just, as someone who is dealing with a lot of similar things, like dependency issues and abandonment issues and depression and anxiety, having these fun functioning character to explore was such a gift for me. i believe honestly thats why im still here and doing this. being able to try and portray a healthy relationship and a healthy way of coping and growing has helped me a lot this past month and given me an outlet i didnt have before. TBH THO the main reason i made this blog if imma be real with u guys id because i didnt like the treatment of a lot of these issues in the fandom. it made me very upset to see depression used as an plot device and michaels dependency issues treated as romantic so i wanted to make a blog that had little to no angst. ANYWAYS somehow im still here ,,, gvrkjvrnkjfd sorry i rambled

honestly I just wanna say first that I love his blog and your art and you're so cool and kind!! a question would be (I'm not sure if you've answered this before or not) but is there like an on going story here, or is it mostly just answering questions with the characters set in this universe? (if that makes sense I'm sorry!) thank you, you're super awesome! ❤️  djrnjg first off thank u so much aaaa,, ive kind of answered this before but its ok its been a while since then! but um i do kinda have a story but how howdy i sure am dragging my feet. the story isn a hUGE OVERARCHING EPIC OF WOE AND THIS PERSON IS UPSET AND THIS PERSON IS MAD AT THIS PERSON its just michael and jeremy getting together. i have a plan and ive talked to a few people on how i want it to happen but ive gained like ,,,, 6,000 followers since then and im kinda nervous BUT ILL DO MY BEST but also please understand that i do this for fun for myself and if i dont get to it im so so so sorry woops

i know this has been said before but i'm really really happy w how you're handling so many aspects of their characters. i.e. michael being trans, michael and jeremy's anxiety, michael's dependency issues, and other stuff i'm too tired to think of. you made the characters have even more depth than they did in the play and i'm rly grateful for the way you're dealing w my favorite boys. (also your richjake is suuuper adorable) ahhhhhh thank u so much? i talked a bit about this on my main but im really glad people are happy with my decision on this blog because im suPER SUPER NERvous anytime i post an ask dealing with these things. (ask hachi or nate i always message them like freaking out and send them my scripts and asks and wait for them to tell me its ok before i post it omg) also like i talked about before i love,,, having these fun stoner gamer boys to explore these issues with. im honestly shocked by how many people also deal with dependency issues because when i first listened to the musical i was so overwhlemed by the song michael int he bathroom because i had never heard someone basically write “dependency issue: the song” and it felt so so so good to realize i wasnt alone in this pit of despair i fall into so easily aha. but im!! glad everyone is ok with this wild ride im on right now (also thank u so much i struggle writing rich and jake but i get so emotional cause they would TOTES call each other babe)

how come you just use sketch form for most of your drawing (sketches and uses sketch for the final result)? im ,,, not really sure what this is asking but i thnk its along the lines of why do i only sketch my answers?? and i do that because dude do u see how often i post and how lONG some of them are. i made this blog for fun and i love doing comics but i hate lineart and coloring and if i tried to churn out finished pics for every post id defs have given up a few asks in,, shrugs

I want to say I love your little comics they're so funny! How long does it take you to make a comic? Are any of them based on your experiences? Ok have a nice day!  thank you! i love my little comics too! it usually takes me anywhere from an hour to five hours if im dragging my ass or talking on discord while im drawing. it can be kinda exhausting but since i took my break ive also been like, starting long comics one day and finishing them another day which, before i would do it all in one sitting then post it hahha. AS FOR EXPERIENCE the first half of the lifeguard comic was based on real life! we were stuck stoned up there for like an hour or two? but we didnt have anyone to help us but we got down eventually!! the wendys comic is also something i did because man!! i need to compliment food workers if they do a good job!! ummmmm just like jenna i also have a friend that said HAHA BYE and moved to cali and she is also lIVING IT UP and doing really well for herself and shes very independent and shes very inspiring to me! hmm i think thats it besides i used to have movie nights with my dad all the time too except we would watch my fave animated movies and sometimes lord of the rings cause my dad loved that

What kinds of things can we NOT ask ? What kinds of things do you WANT us to ask ? i covered the what not to ask in the first question so!!! um if my askbox is open and u want to respond to previous asks ive answered for the boys that would be so so so rad. sometimes im done with a certain ask and i have nothing to add but sometimes ive got more to say but am looking for an opportunity! that being said it made me really happy that i got a lot of asks about pj? shes not going to the main focus of any more asks but!!! i was nervous to introduce her and im glad u guys like her shes fun to write. but overall just general asks i can make a big ol fun story out of so!! dont worry too much about what to ask, if its something ud ask a real person and not like “lol what if ur dad died” ur gunna be fine probably

Hi! Not a question but your blog is so sweet and refreshing! I actually really appreciate that you refuse angst, that stuff tends to rub me the wrong way in fandoms... Keep taking good care of these boys ! gggg thank u!!! it means a lot to me that a lot of people are backing me up on this! i mean if u are an angst fan there are a lot of askblogs that explore that!! so its not in short supply bmc askblog fandoms got something for everyone

Which drawing program do you use?? i use paint tool sai and my tablet is a cintiq !!

this isn't really related to the faq but that bakunawa boy reference was great I LOVE THAT FIC MAN!!! the line was originally a little diff in that ask but i changed it cause ,,,, i could,,,,

an art style question. how do you keep the design of characters consistent from frame to frame? my characters they look a lil different every time I draw em (or a lot different) and it tends to disrupt the flow of my comics/animations ohh boy hoo wee props for doing animations im too scared to give that a whirl but!! it helps that i draw all the panels for an ask on one canvas! so if my next panel is going to be the same character in the same spot just in a diff pose i keep the lower layer on just at low opacity so i can use it as a ref! that helps me a lot!

Sorry if I'm nosy or rude, but are you reflecting Micheal Anxiety, Panic attacks and depence? iii think this is asking if i reflect my own issues onto them boys? and if so then yes i do. i dont place any of my own personality or anything on the boys but i do use them as a way to help me learn how to cope with my own shit and i try to deal with their issues in the healthiest way possible while also keeping in mind they are flawed individuals aaa

what are your pronouns??? and maybe your main blog??  im a cis girl so she/her is good! and my main is squigglegigs! also that being said IF YOU SEE THE USERNAME SQUIGGLEGIGS ANYWHERE JUST?? ASSUME ITS ME?? i have a twitter and an instagram and my tumblr account 

((Hello mod will Michael and Jeremy eventually someday get together. I love them.)) if all goes according to plan yes! if i get overwhelmed and stop having fun on this blog then no! sorry thems the breaks but! i do want them to get together so HOPEFULLY

going off on that confrience on pornogrefy for birds, Im geussing jeremy has played Hatoful Boyfriend. am I wrong? well it wasnt intended as that ref and i dont know anything about hatoful boyfriend but i can see jerm finding it and playing it so, sure homie! the pornography for birds thing is a my brother my brother and me reference! i love that show and them boys so give it a scope!

I'm crying bcuz Michael said he's in love with Jeremy and it's beautiful yeah that boy is DEEP IN love with his bro bro

Any advice for running an ask blog?? (Ps i love this blog keep it up) personally whats worked for me so far is doing just sketches for art. honestly ive been able to work so much more and post so much more often while also trying to work on my expressions and poses! also taking my own experiences and shaping them to fit the characters has been SO MUCH FUN. th most important thing tho is,,, dont overwork urself dude. if ur having a fun time it shows. if ur just forcing urself to churn out material and its not fun? like shit we doing this for free dont push urself? idk idk overall being looser with my art and writing the dialogue before hand has been the most helpful for me for this askblog! ive run a bunch before including @ask-maz and ive run that sporadically for ,, three or four years? its so funny cause u can see my art style juMP AROUND SO MUCH but i love that blog and i only update it like every other month or so but?? i still like doing it and no on likes those posts but it makes me smile so ANYWAYS

~ok from here on its mostly just me replying to nice messages or people asking me personal questions that dont pertain to askguyslikeus so!!~

I just wanted to say I really really love your blog and just your art in general!! Keep up the good work and hope you're having fun! thank u!!! i am having fun and im glad u enjoy it!!

What other musicals do you like? :0  i really like heathers A LOT. i also like doctor horrible i know thats not technically a musical but i just relistened to it and im emotional. i like dear evan hansen but it makes me really sad so i can only take it in moderation! ummm rent? chicago?? music man? now im just naming musicals i was in rip. being in a musical fandom is a new thing to me? i was really into heathers last year but didnt really interract with the fandom at SO THIS IS SUPER NEW?? ive never been into a musical as much as im into bmc and heathers tho

tell us a little bit about urself!! u seem v cool i am squigs or fork!! im 24 and work fulltime as a barista at starbucks! i get high on the beach with my friend gwen a lot and drink wayy to many slushies, my tv shows are brooklyn nine nine and bobs burgers right now! i table at conventions sometimes and sell my art as merch and whatnot and i cosplay as a hobby as well. im pretty boring but i draw a lot and always carry my big sketchbook with me and im pretty sure its given me back issues BUT OH WELL HAHA also i am very not cool THE TRUTH COMES OUT

Who do you most relate to from bmc and why? like ,,, a mix of michael and christine with a sprinkle of jeremy i guess ahaha i relate to michaels dependency issues and overarching positive attitude and love of music, i relate to christines bright disposition and the need to not stick to one set thing? like she loves theater cause she can be sO MANY PEOPLE and like same homie thats why i cosplay. and jeremys need to be likes while also ability to put himself out there is very relatable. i also identify strongly with his dad issues idk idk whats good

Also -- just thank you for how you handled all the panic attack and anxiety attack asks. I used to deal with anxiety attacks multiple times a day and it just was really nice that it was positive and not them having one. Thank you, sincerely. ahhhhhh ur so welcome i,,, have anxiety and it sucks and i deal with panic attacks like everyday at work so i dont really wanna come home and draw someone having one i guess? im glad its helping other people too tho!

Dude- I love your art? Actually so much? It's... I love it. The whole sketch-ish way your art style is, and the way you color, and the expressions! I'm so glad I found your work - you've given me so much inspiration. Keep doin what you're doin and I hope you have a good day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANytime any one compliments my expressions i die cause i legit made this blog to help with that as well ,,, like dam

im lvoe ur art style b o i :0 !!!!!!

Mod, I love you so much I love you you have my soul and my love and my eternal gratitude thank you and I love you (This is the guy who was excited about PJ on your ig live stream a while ago and I love you) !!!!!!!!! im so happy u like my content omg and that u like pj im so glad!! shes a good bean

I just wanna say... I'm crying over that post about Michael and his anxiety? cuz I know how it can feel that you're only your flaws and weaknesses, but Michael just tells that to screw off in the most wonderful way and I'm?? thank you so much for that post, I bookmarked it for future times when I can't look past my depression... honestly, that post made my day (along with every other post on this blog), thank you for being such a lovely part of this fandom ,,,, im,,,, im scared of a lot of this fandom tbh but if i can be something good that come out of it and my love of these boys and desire to show them functioning together in a healthy way can help other people its so much more than i ever thought id ever be able to do. i am blown away everyday by the support ive been given on this blog and i might be crying right now because i never thought id be able to touch other people like this and i just. im really glad yall are here with me for all this.

(To the mod: You are a beautiful person that I highly respect. I love this blog and what you set out to do. thanks for giving something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to everyday, keep up the good work! ❤ ) hey im still crying from the previous ask aaaaa im honestly so emotional

what are ur true feelings for wendy's??? i fucking love wendys man thats some top tier fast food right there

what fast food restaurant do you think has the best nuggets WENDYS HANDS DOWN

do you have a favorite movie? paranorman makes me very nostalgic and ive seen it like eighty times and used to watch it with my dad a lot and i love it

I would just like you to know that your Wendy's comic prompted me to pull the same thing with a bakery in the town I'm visiting and the baker got so excited and happy, so thank you for making that comic because I made that woman's day. GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME WHEN IM WORKING DUDE LIKE IM SO GLAD IT MADE U DO THIS!!! IM SMILING REALLY BIG!!

chocolate milk or strawberry milk? or plain? woops i hate milk im so sorry

do u love michael mell with all of ur heart, mod?  i really truly do man what a fucking good ass character

hi squigs i love you! i love your content too and i hope u have a good day pal :>  WHAT A SWEET BEAN!!! THANK YOU?? OMG

I'm just saying that recent ask you did with Michael really hit me hard because I really related to it and I started crying because it made me realize that I've been pining my self worth on everything my anxiety causes and I'm so much more than that. Thank you, so much for that I really needed it because I'm in a really bad place right now. <3 -for the mod i legit cry everytime i get asks or dms like this cause once again the idea that im helping other people is so ovwehelming i love you??? i let myself just be”depressed” for ahwile and by that i mean i just,, let my sadness consume me and i was scared of getting better cause the sadness was all i knew for so long and just. its so easy to think u are ur illness but you are so much more. soooo much more man.

I relate A Lot to Michael so the way you portray him in the blog is really good, and I think it's really awesome you refuse to like?? do terrible stuff and answer bad questions just bc people wanna see that. You run this blog really well 👌  AHHHH THis is the biggest compliment thank u so much ,,, i get real anxious bout this blog soemtiems but then yall send me sweet things like this and its worth it man

Hey mod, just know you're a really cool person. Thanks for running this blog in the first place. Keep doing the great work.  thank you!!!! for ur support!!!! 

not really a question!! i just wanted to say your posts on this blog always brighten my day and you're really an incredible artist and person, keep rockin on my dude!! *clutching my heart* the fuck this is so sweet

1 .I just wanted to say your blog is really awesome! It's very lovely. I also like how you made michael trans and like handled it? (just with how all the characters treat him and stuff its v nice). Your art is super duper! Thanks for running this awesome blog! 2. Hey! This isn't a question but I wanted to say that I appreciate michael being trans!! As a trans boy it's just rly awesome to see something like that casually thrown into an ask blog without making it a huge weird deal :D immm,,, i kinda really love the idea of michael being trans cause a lot of my trans male friends are actually pretty confident in their skin and michael is a very confident character? and u rarely see that with trans representation and its so refreshing to see it portrayed well. im trying to do that here but again if! i do anything wrong let me know!

how did you first get into art? (also i really love your blog, it's amazing!) ive been drawing as long as i remember! ive got mad adhd and wasnt diagnosed until late in ym life so i would just draw nonstop in my classes ahaha i used to read the sunday comics a lot and they really inspired me to try and make comics of my own too!! (and omg thank u) 

someone also asked me if i went to church or was religious but tumblr ate the ask but i used to go to church a lot as a kid but im currently not religious at all aaa

ok holy shit that was a lot but thanks again to everyone i legit cry a lot about how supportive u all are thank u so much aaaa

[thecharlesdilaurentis-blog]

Maya and her part!

**WARNING SUPER LONG IM SORRY**

Recently a fan tweeted Marlene asking if mayas storyline was over and she replied saying their may be a bit more to it. So I went back and tried to see what I could make out of the maya clues and how she fits into everything. 

I always love maya and emaya but her character always seemed a bit sketchy at times kinda like alison. (remember this)

when her and emily first meet she seems REALLY interested in getting to know emily, she was asking tons of personal questions about ali and herself, answering questions with a question, and she was being super friendly and almost choosy with her words, almost as if she had other intentions when she met her. What if she was told to get close to her? (Kind of like ezra & cece already knowing who all the girls were and jenna already knowing alison) 

In S1: “The jenna thing”, maya meets spencer and when her and emily go back to her house she says “I get your connection to spencer, you both like to win.” and emily replies “well winnings great but usually if I do my best im happy with the outcome.” and maya chooses to move the topic to spencer by asking how she feels about winning which always kind of stuck out to me. Emily tells her spencer HAS to win.

I just never quite understood why Maya only really asked questions about spencer, I know you could argue she was just trying to get to know emily but throughout the episodes maya’s in we don’t really see her interested in knowing about all the liars to me it seemed like she asked about spencer only because she reminded her the most of Ali.

& then maya moves the conversation to Alison again saying how she seemed like she was always the center of attention. Then tells emily she usually runs from those girls. Em says “you don’t look like the type of girl who runs from anyone” and Maya moves the convo to something else. (WHO U RUNNIN FROM MAYA)

Also later in the night when emily turns around maya immediately goes and cuddles with her almost like she KNOWS emily was in the closet. She said she had a boyfriend & i dont think it was something she just did in her sleep. + the A alerts afterwards were right on time, something was up. 

this also happens again when they kiss in the photo booth and A steals the strips right away. & maya tells emily not to worry about it that it there was probably just no more paper & drags her away. MAYA WAS IN ON IT THE WHOLE TIME. She was used to bring em out the closet and let A use it against her. 

Also in S2: “I must confess” Maya is scene wearing the exact same tory burch boots -A ordered online. (couldnt find a pic though)

But I think somewhere along the way maya started to really develop feelings and wanted out but A/AD or someone connected to them had stuff on maya forcing her to stay in it so she chooses to run away but A gets her first and kills her before she can get far.

Now lets go back to what I said earlier about her kind of acting like Alison

In the pilot maya asks emily if shes ever smoked and em replies No. Maya says this and the way she says it for some reason really just reminds me of something Ali would say. 

& then later in the episode Spencer sees who she thinks is Ali in Mayas room (ali’s old room) 

But what’s odd is that this person is wearing the same tank Maya was wearing the whole episode.

now this can be explained in a couple ways, either:

1. maya found a blonde wig while looking through the dilaurentis house and tried it on to pretend to be ali.

2. that was really or ali or maybe an ali twin and she was talking to maya & wearing a similiar top? (this one seems too much but wouldnt be surprised if the writers went this way.)

3.maya bought a blonde wig & was really trying to pretend to be someone maybe a trick she learned from a real blonde she knew who liked to wear wigs & be someone else.

       - i’m thinking its this last one! (or i hope it is)

In S2E12: “eye of the beholder” Jason tells em & spencer that maya found some of Ali’s old things in the attic, “Like they were hidden” he thought they threw everything away but maya kept some things, maybe b/c she knew what they were for.

Another thing I wanna point out is maya has mentioned on more than one occasion (1.02 & 1.12) that she has trouble sleeping. I mean I would have trouble sleeping too if I was worried my secrets may catch up to me.

Now I know there a lot of maya theories & some have even said they think she’s A. I don’t think I could really hop on board with maya being A but I do think when mona said “MAYA KNEW” she really meant maya fucking knew, like she knew the game & knew what was going on & just how dangerous A could really be. 

Okay so, we all know there seems to be a couple different teams when it comes to PLL and their alliances. Theres, 

AD & Cece (& maybe someone else? idk yet still looking into this)

Theres the Liars 

Then theres AD’s pawns (Jenna, Noel, Lucas, Shana, Alison (sometimes), Garrett, Mona etc.)

Well i think maya started off as one of these pawns but like all the people above at some point they wanted out and like I said above its likely so did she. 

It’s possible that maybe Ali and Maya knew eachother prior to her disapperance maybe they met on vacation… at cape may.

I saw this picture when I searched up maya clues on google and I almost screamed! I think this Analyzing A tumblr acct found it so i’ll put her link:

http://analyzinga.tumblr.com/post/44225287853/major-clue-possible-spoiler-alert

Could this mean this is Maya’s unnamed brother? Did she also hang out with Ali, Cece, & Melissa during that summer? Or was she scared of them like she mentioned to emily about attention seeking girls like Alison?

Now I heard from twitter it may be fake but still why would they make the mistake of putting it in the credits? Idk I just think it would be a nice twist for maya to have a deeper connection to Ali than just living in her house. 

UPDATE: MARLENE SAID WE’RE MEETING AN UNKNOWN RELATIVE OF MAYA’S! Some people meationed that reporter Aria went off on in 7.12 may be her brother but I couldn’t find a pic and I didn’t wanna sit through hulu commercials to find out so if someone finds the pic reblog it cause I wanna knowwww!

I mean we find out they had to have known each other either way or at least met before b/c they were both staying in the kahn cabin around the same time!

Also when Ali and Maya’s body are found the scene is so similar they even play the same song.

I think at first Alison gave Maya the idea to fake her death & Noel, Garrett, & Jenna helped her carry it out. 

Marlene also posted this pic on insta w/ 2 dolls that w/ the hashtag #emison but to me the 2 dolls look more like ali and maya then ali and em. Idk I just think there’s alot more to their relationship than we know right now. 

Now lets talk about the night mayas body was presumably found:

Maya trys to call emily but she cant get service so it never goes through, I don’t think this was maya b/c her phone was already stolen by this point. I think A just was trying to distract emily to mess with hanna.

Jumping ahead to when Mona falls off the cliff, we get a zoom in on her watch that says its 12am. The girls then go back to their houses and the cops have a body they think is Mayas.

BUT we later see this video of Maya at the kahn cabin at 1:14am

So are we just really gonna believe it took the liars OVER 1hr & 30m to get to thier houses?? B/c maya had to have got kidnapped and then dragged over to emilys back yard from the cabin and murdered. Which just in my head doesn’t add up with the timeline.

In addition to this I noticed when Maya gets pulled out of the cameras view it doesn’t necessarily mean she was captured by A, I think theres a good chance it was Ali who pulled on her to take her out of view and talk to her. We know Ali was staying there too so maybe she already knew where the cameras were and didnt wanna take any chances being seen seeing as this was before A supposedly knew Ali was alive. 

Now lets talk about after her “Death”:

We find out Maya went to the kahn parties often and met holden before, she was also friendly with Jenna, we see her get into a car with garrett the night she died (But we know he didnt kill her because he was arrested at 12am) & its when Nate (lyndon) is introduced and he is accused of being the one who killed Maya. 

Nate never openly says he killed Maya, in fact some of the things he says when he tries to kill paige kind of indicate he thinks emily has something to do with her death. 

He says “Im gonna do to you, what you did to me. Im gonna take someone from you & you are gonna watch me do it.” 

Its also been speculated that Maya was involved in the night em dug up Ali’s grave b/c they used her bottle of pills to drug her (which was also prescribed after she died) & flashbacks she remembers having + jenna lies to her saying she found her on the street drunk when spencer asks why she lied she says b/c she’s protecting a friend.

This was also one of the flashbacks she remembers having,

LIKE COME ON WHO ELSE WOULD WRITE THAT???

Most of me really does believe Maya did end up really dying sometime later before the end of season 3 or in the beginning of season 4 

The girls do find this carved into the dollhouse in S6 maybe AD found maya & took her to the doll house to be his Ali for a while before Mona got there.

But idk i’ve also read alot of theories w/ extra clues and reasons she could indeed still be alive helping out emily and hiding from AD or might even be bethany young herself. So theres that lol. I’m just excited to know that Maya still is relevant b/c her character had so much potential, hopefully mar doesn’t fuck it up!!

Reblog & tell me what you think, do you think maya’s still alive or dead? & if she wasn’t the person in the body bag in 2.25 then who was?