#therefore my attempt is valid

[samsheughan]

roses are red my sweater is gray but starting tomorrow...

[defectivevillain]

drowning in sentiment

pairing: Severus Snape/Reader

reader's race and gender are ambiguous; no pronouns or physical descriptors are used.

summary: Severus is quick to break the distance between you, as he kneels down next to you and places a hand over your forehead. “You’ve been dosed with Amortentia and you thought it pertinent to send a letter?" His voice possesses a confusing mix of irritation, fury, exasperation, and something surprisingly close to concern.

The following snippet is meant to serve as the sixth part to my ongoing series featuring Severus/Reader.

word count: 4k | ao3 version

Warnings: non-consensual drugging (amortentia), vomiting, nausea, unconsciousness, sickness, medical fare (think the infirmary, medical recovery processes, etc.)

Disclaimer: I do not support or condone the actions and beliefs of HP’s author in any way whatsoever. I thoroughly believe in fanfiction’s transformative, restorative, and healing power. Therefore, I write HP fanfiction not to encourage the author’s beliefs, but instead to directly challenge and disprove her prejudice; I write to further strengthen, validate, and support minority identities that are harmed by She Who Must Not be Named’s dangerous ideologies. I'm not taking any questions, comments, or criticisms regarding this. Don't like it? Don't read!

It all starts at lunch. At least, that’s your most educated guess. 

You ate your typical meal and drank from your goblet, just like every other lunch. None of these occurrences should’ve been indicative of future turmoil. Yet, hours later, when you find yourself hunched over your desk with tunneling vision, shaking hands, and sweat along your skin, you have to come to terms with the fact that something happened. You’re no Potions expert, but you know the telltale signs of an Amortentia dosage when you see them.

You summon a piece of parchment and grab your quill, writing a quick letter to Severus and handing it to your owl. Your owl lets out a weak chirp, pecking your forehead in evident concern before flying away. Severus will certainly be able to brew the necessary Potions to get the Amortentia out of your system. Ordinarily, you’d simply walk over to his office—but you’re not very confident in your ability to walk at the moment. Indeed, the moment you had gotten up from your desk, you were hit with such an intense wave of dizziness that you fell to the ground. You’ve since managed to move back to rest against the wall behind you, closing your eyes in a feeble attempt to distract yourself from the feverish sensation at your core and your blurring vision. 

Meanwhile, Severus is grading papers in his office when he hears an owl tapping at his closed window. He huffs and turns around, tempted to ignore the creature until he recognizes it as yours. The Potions master gets to his feet and opens the window, only for the owl to nearly collide with his chest as it frantically flies at him. Severus frowns and takes the parchment tied to its leg. The message only deepens his frown.

Severus, Apologies for disrupting you. When you get the chance, would you bring me some potions to treat Amortentia dosage? They’re for a student.

Severus stares down at the parchment for a moment longer, unease prickling along his skin. He wonders why you didn’t simply come to his office to ask him in person. Even more troubling is the uncharacteristic slant to your writing. He can’t seem to get rid of the unfounded feeling of dread settling in his chest as he looks at your message. It’s innocuous, and yet… he knows something is wrong. 

Furthermore, if the Potions were for a student, then you’d likely supply their name—after all, Hogwarts faculty are trained to practice ultimate discretion when it comes to the health of their students. Your messy writing and the omission of the student’s information aren’t significant on their own; together, however, they unsettle him. Your owl bats him with a wing, breaking him from his thoughts. Your owl—which is usually quite calm—seems to be stressed, too. Quickly coming to a decision, Severus heads for the door to his office.

And you’re now lying on the ground with your back to the wall with sweat dripping down the back of your neck. Your clothes feel extremely constricting and you want nothing more than to run out of your office and find the person who slipped you the potion, the object of your affections, the target of your obsession—

Suddenly, your office door is nearly thrown off its hinges as it slams against the adjacent wall. You look up at the sudden noise, only to find Severus standing in the doorway, looking truly menacing as he wears a furious expression on his face. “Severus,” you say. You don’t think you manage to successfully hide the relief you feel from your voice, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. You don’t have the energy —not when your skin feels like it’s oozing off of you into puddles on the ground. 

Severus is quick to break the distance between you, as he kneels down next to you and places a hand over your forehead. “You’re the one who needs the potion,” he states. His voice possesses a confusing mix of irritation, fury, exasperation, and something surprisingly close to concern. “You’ve been dosed with Amortentia and you thought it pertinent to send a letter?”

“It didn’t seem pressing at the time,” you choke out, shivering and sweating at the same time. You feel like you’re stuck in quicksand—even a small gesture with your hand feels like an uphill battle against a powerful current. 

“Merlin,” Severus mutters. 

There are tears sliding down your cheeks now. You wipe at your eyes, your hands trembling beyond belief as your vision tunnels and sways around you. The professor leans closer and you flinch, guilt flooding through you when you recognize the instinct.

But Severus doesn’t seem to take offense. He’s staring at you with a clinical gaze, taking in all of your symptoms and evidently developing a plan in his head. He opens the satchel at his side with nimble fingers, grabbing an unfamiliar vial. “Take this,” Severus implores. At your blank stare, he continues. “Don’t make me force you.” The dark expression on his face suggests that he will do exactly that, if necessary. After a moment's contemplation, you bring a shaking hand to the vial. Expecting him to relinquish his grip, you bring the vial to your lips and tilt it back—only to realize that Severus’ hand hasn’t left the vial either, instead moving it to your lips and ensuring you don’t drop it. The potion burns as you swallow it and you cough briefly, shuddering at the awful taste. 

Then a weak, utterly humiliating sound wrenches its way from your lips. Your skin feels like it’s on fire. “Severus—” you try to say urgently. Your words are garbled and your tongue feels far too thick to create anything coherent. In one last burst of energy, you try to reach out to him—only to succumb to the darkness creeping along the edges of your vision. 

You wake up in the Hogwarts Hospital Wing and, at first, you feel as if you’re a student. Then, the memory of what happened rushes back to you and you’re forced to remember that you’re a professor who was poisoned by a student. The thought unsettles you, so you try to distract yourself by looking around the space. 

To your surprise, Severus is sitting at your bedside, looking entirely unimpressed. The pinched expression on his face looks somewhat painful to maintain, yet his scowl is so deeply-set that it doesn’t even flicker in intensity. You try to avert your eyes, but it’s too late—he’s noticed you’re awake.

“...Hello,” you try. Severus arches a brow. For a long moment, there is nothing but a horribly tense silence that descends across the space. You glance around the Hospital Wing, relieved to find that there aren’t any students present. It’s embarrassing enough for Severus to be here—the last thing you need is for one of your students to see you like this. 

His form is strung together with a silent fury. “What could have possibly possessed you to consume a gift from a student?” Severus eventually seethes. It takes you a few moments to process that accusation. 

“A gift from a student?” you then ask, your voice a little hoarse. You clear your throat before continuing. “Do you really think so little of me? I’m not that foolish.”

Severus stills. “Where do you suspect the potion was, then?” he asks carefully, clearly sensing the implications of your confession. 

“It must’ve been in my goblet during lunch,” you answer. 

Severus’s expression morphs from vicious fury to calculating precision. “That is… even more concerning,” he admits with a stormy expression. “I will speak to the elves about this,” he concludes. 

“Severus, that’s not—” That’s not necessary, you want to say. Except it sort of is. You don’t want anything like this to happen again—you don’t want to feel doubtful or suspicious of the meals in the castle. Severus must sense your thought process, because he continues as if you hadn’t said anything at all. 

“The offender will be expelled,” he asserts easily, “since they are likely a student.” 

“Expelled?” you choke out, suddenly feeling lightheaded. Sure, you’re unsettled by the whole situation, but you don’t want to completely ruin a child’s future. Preventing them from returning to Hogwarts seems a little extreme. “Severus, expulsion is a little extreme. I don’t want that to happen; we can negotiate something less severe—”

“I don’t remember inquiring about your desires,” Severus states coldly, bringing you back to reality. You once again feel like you’re a student, as you’re coming face to face with the professor’s unflinching authority. You resist the growing urge to shrink back against the pillows at your back. “And need I remind you that administering Amortentia without explicit consent is a felony?” 

“No,” you sigh resignedly. You bring a shaking hand up to pinch the bridge of your nose. You’re still struggling to get a handle on everything that happened. It all feels like a blur. “I just… I don’t want to make this a big deal.” 

“This became a big deal when a Hogwarts professor’s life was endangered by a student’s foolish actions,” Severus asserts, raising a brow and challenging you to argue. You remain silent and, once he senses that you won’t voice any dissent, he continues. “Now, tell me who it was.” 

Somehow, that statement is what makes the reality of it all set in. You were so distracted by your symptoms that you didn’t stop to think and internalize the fact that a student was likely the one to do this. Someone in the castle wanted this to happen to you. At the mention of the culprit, dull grey eyes unwittingly come to mind. You’re suddenly hit with a horrible wave of dread and infatuation all at once, as the student’s visage appears in your mind’s eye. Even the thought of uttering their name is enough to summon the taste of bile. Every time you close your eyes, you see their cool gaze and shimmering hair and— 

You’re vomiting into the bowl at your side. When you’re finished, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and place your hands on the mattress, feeling the need to brace yourself. Severus vanishes the evidence of your sickness, which you are thankful for—the smell would not have helped your persistent nausea. He’s patiently waiting for your explanation, and it’s abundantly clear that you’re not going to be able to escape this. 

“Just—” you choke, shaking your head. It all feels like far too much. You take a shuddering breath, pretending not to feel as helpless as you do. Their name feels caught in your throat. A verbal admission is too much for you to handle right now. “Look at me,” you implore the professor. Severus understands quickly, as his eye contact with you quickly turns probing. You try to drop your Occlumency shields and summon the student’s visage to mind, showing Severus rather than telling him. The effort isn’t exactly difficult, given the potion that’s coursing through your veins. If anything, it’s harder not to think about the culprit. 

“Legilimens,” Severus says quietly. For a moment, it feels as if you’ve been plunged into ice water. There’s the faintest sensation of a frigid breeze rifling through your mind. Then, within moments, the professor’s looking away with thinly-veiled fury in his eyes. He seems moments away from walking out the door and interrogating the student, until a cough rips its way out of your throat and his attention is evidently thwarted. 

Severus squints at you before getting to his feet and approaching your bed. He places a hand to your forehead before holding your jaw and looking into your eyes, tilting your head slightly as he evidently looks for lingering effects from the potion. His hands are cool; you have to resist the urge to keep them pressed to your temple, if only because of the boiling feeling running along your skin. “I’ve provided a strict Potions regimen to ensure the Amortentia leaves your system,” Severus explains, his gaze flitting to the parchment on the bedside table. Then he looks at you sternly. “It is imperative that you maintain this regimen.” 

“Okay,” you say, too tired to argue or question him any further. You blink at him dazedly, struggling to clear your vision. The air seems to fall still. “Thank you, Severus.” Severus just nods, his right hand still cradling your jaw. The infirmary descends into a tense—but not uncomfortable—silence. 

There’s some bustling in the corner of the room. “You have another visitor,” Madam Pomfrey says, promptly breaking the strange moment that had been created between Severus and you. Severus leans back and nods at you, before making his departure. You watch him leave with conflicting feelings. 

“Albus,” you then greet the headmaster, who walks into the room with a concerned expression.

“How are you faring?” Albus asks, settling at your bedside. 

“I’m fine, thanks to Severus,” you respond honestly. You’ve been better, but without his help, you’d be feeling much worse. 

“He seems worried, the dear boy,” Albus says, leaning forward conspiratorially. “He has been on edge since you fell unconscious.” 

“Oh.” You’re not really sure what else to say. Judging by the way Albus is smiling, he’s trying to tell you something. You just don’t know what it is. 

Over the next few days, Severus accompanies you to every meal. He always performs spells to ensure nothing has been tampered with. You want to be thankful for the thought, but at this point, you’re just frustrated that you have to go to such lengths. 

You’re slowly starting to recover, though. The Potions regimen Severus left you is dwindling down, as you take lower doses with each passing day. But there are still lingering side effects. Your hands still have tremors; your vision still has brief bursts of painful clarity. You still feel a little nauseated when thinking about the student who constructed this charade.  

The paranoia has to be the most debilitating aftereffect of all, though. You’re sure it’s a logical response to a near-death experience, but it’s making things rather inconvenient. Despite all the reassurance you’ve been given—by practically every member of the Hogwarts staff and several Ministry officials—it still doesn’t feel like enough. You still have moments when you can’t even stomach the thought of eating—meal times spent huddled in a corner of your office, shaking as you’re assaulted with the prickling sensation you’ve grown to associate with Amortentia. 

You start to think you’re getting better. But then you get up from your desk late one night, only to crumple to the ground like a broken marionette. You can’t even push yourself up to your feet—instead left to slowly fade away on the floor of your office. You’re commanding your muscles to move but they’re ignoring your demands. Your skin is licked with flames and sweat. Suddenly, your throat feels extremely dry. Your office is spinning around you and, within seconds, you’re slipping into darkness once more. 

There is a cool cloth draped over your forehead when you wake. You stare up at the ceiling, your vision slowly returning to you. You attempt to push yourself up to a sitting position, but the effort is annoyingly difficult. There’s an almost imperceptibly quiet noise of frustration, before you’re being helped up with a hand on your forearm and another at your side. Your breaths are labored once you finally sit up. 

When your vision finally starts to calm down, you find yourself staring into familiar black eyes. “Severus,” you say. Your vision is spinning a little, but not enough for you to miss the irritated furrow to his brows. 

“I distinctly recall ordering you to notify me if any of your symptoms returned,” Severus states flatly. He looks entirely unimpressed. And damn it, now you’re feeling guilty again.

“…I didn’t want to bother you.” It sounds pathetic, even to your own ears. Severus briefly looks to the ceiling, as if wishing for it to swallow him whole and end his life. He seems to be exercising a nearly infinite amount of patience; you can tell by how much time he takes to respond.  

“This is the second time you’ve taken the liberty of making that decision for me,” he says coolly. It’s clear there’s a lot more he wants to say, but he holds his tongue. Instead, Severus scowls and casts a diagnostic spell. “No fever.”

“That’s good,” you say weakly. 

“The dosage must’ve been high,” Severus then says, his brows furrowed. You can’t tell if he’s speaking to you or himself, at this point. “It should be out of your system.” But it’s not, you think. It’s not out of my system, and I’m scared. 

“Severus—” you try to say. 

“It will fade soon enough,” he states. That’s as close to reassurance as you’re going to get. “Rest. I’ll ensure you’re awake to take your next potion,” he says sincerely. 

And so you rest.

Seeing you in this state unsettles Severus far more than he’d like to admit. He tells himself his concern is of a professional nature and nothing more. He’s concerned for his colleague; and the implications of this Amortentia incident. After all, the bare facts still paint a startling picture: a Hogwarts professor drugged by a student, in the Great Hall during mealtime. The castle has always been regarded as one of the safest places in the wizarding world; yet a staff member has been harmed within its walls. 

Severus expected you to show resistance at the thought of seeking out the culprit; he was surprised, therefore, that you allowed him to sort through your mind in his search. No one has shown him that kind of trust before. Yet you unflinchingly met his eyes, and implored him to look into the depths of your mind. 

Severus did nothing of the sort, of course. He did not want to betray your trust, and so his perusal through your mind was quick and purposeful. The unusually tangled web that structured your thoughts did not escape his notice, of course. He knows you to be a rational person; such disorganization is an indicator of a deeper issue. In your case, it is a sign that the Amortentia hasn’t been completely removed from your system. 

Severus spends an immeasurable amount of time brewing the potions needed for your treatment. Brewing is usually a tranquil experience for him. Yet, today, he’s lost in his thoughts as he prepares ingredients. Fortunately, for a wizard of his expertise, distraction will not truly affect the result. He does seem to be in the lab for longer than usual, but then again, he doesn’t typically have occasion for brewing these particular potions. If everything goes according to plan, Severus will not need to brew any more potions like this for you. 

When he’s finished with the first few doses, Severus breaks away from the lab and returns to his personal quarters. You’re reclined on the sofa, looking exhausted and…vulnerable. Severus tears his eyes away. Truthfully, he has never allowed someone into his quarters before. It’s strange. Severus was convinced he would dislike it—that your presence would feel like an intrusion. But he knew he would be able to care for your symptoms much more effectively if you were near. And somehow, the sight of you manages to alleviate some of his prior concerns. He’d daresay your presence comforts him. 

…Maybe the Amortentia was transferred to him, too. He scoffs at the unlikely thought, but decides to subject himself to a quick diagnostic spell just in case. As Severus suspected, there is nothing wrong. These strange feelings are entirely of his own creation.

You’ve been looking at him with such a trusting gaze throughout this healing process that it makes Severus want to vomit. He immediately wants to roll up his sleeve and force you to take in the warped mark across his forearm, if only to dispel you of the notion that he is in any way deserving of your trust. 

He only averts his eyes from your sleeping form instead, his throat feeling tight. What is it about you that provokes such sentiment within him? Severus shakes his head quickly. He doesn’t have the luxury to contemplate such things at the moment; right now, your health is the priority. 

When he has a moment to breathe, Severus informs Albus of the culprit. It slips his mind, for the briefest of moments, that the headmaster is stubbornly idealistic—and sees the best in everyone. Indeed, he should have expected Albus to provide an alternative method of disciplining the child. 

“Suspension,” Severus states blandly, glaring at the headmaster. “You believe suspension to be a suitable punishment for the unlawful administration of Amortentia.”

“And what would you suggest, Severus?” Albus asks, his eyes twinkling. He’s setting a trap for him. For some reason, unknown to Severus himself, the headmaster wants him to argue. 

“Expulsion, of course,” Severus scoffs. He isn’t sure what the old fool is trying to do here. 

“I can’t imagine your colleague was quite pleased with that suggestion,” Albus remarks, that damned twinkle in his eyes still taunting him. 

“Not at first,” Severus admits with a scoff. “Of course, upon discussing the likelihood of a similar incident occurring, the suggestion was better received.” He crosses his arms over his chest. 

“I see,” Albus responds. There’s a thin smile on his face. 

“What?” Severus nearly spits. “A professor has been drugged. This is no laughing matter, Albus.”

“Of course not,” Albus says sincerely. “Alas, I fear you are correct. Expulsion would be the wise choice. I shall inform the boy’s parents at once.”

Severus’s jaw clenches in irritation. That was far too easy. Albus is never so easily persuaded; and yet, he conceded without much argument. Just what does the old man have planned? The Potions professor regards him warily. 

“No need to be suspicious, dear boy,” Albus reassures him. The reassurance only makes Severus more suspicious. “I’m only thankful that you have found tolerable company here in the castle.”

Severus glares at him for several moments. His jaw is clenched and his teeth are gritted. “And how is this relevant, exactly?” he manages to spit out.

“It’s merely an observation,” Albus surrenders. He senses Severus is growing tired of this conversation. “And how is our young professor faring?”

“I’m developing an enhanced regimen to eradicate the Amortentia,” Severus responds, thankful for an excuse to talk about something else. “I brought my colleague,” he borrows the words of the headmaster, “to my quarters, to ensure proper adherence to the regimen.”

“Your quarters?” Albus asks lightly. He looks rather pleased with himself. The Potions professor’s wand hand twitches. “That’s rather forward of you, Severus.” Severus’s jaw nearly cracks with how hard he grits his teeth at the remark. Albus is wearing a victorious smile; the Potions professor immediately steels his composure and stares right back at the man. 

After what feels like far too long, the headmaster relents. “Keep me updated, Severus,” Albus remarks, his expression returning to an appropriate concern. 

Severus nods jerkily, before making his escape. He is never quite certain when a conversation with Albus will morph into an interrogation; this time was particularly catastrophic. He takes a few slow breaths as he returns to his quarters. 

Unsurprisingly, you are awake to greet him. Before either of you can descend into empty small talk, you’re breaking through the silence. “You… don’t mind me being here, do you?” you ask, glancing around the room as if realizing your surroundings for the first time. “I can return to my quarters, I’m sure.”

“Given the return of your symptoms, that would be unwise,” Severus says after a moment. It takes him longer than he’d like to formulate a response. “I’m afraid I will have to be… inconvenienced by your presence a bit longer.” Yes, it is truly inconvenient—because you provoke such unusual feelings in him. Every time he sees you in his quarters, he has these horrible urges to embrace… domesticity. It disgusts him. 

“If you insist,” you say hesitantly. Neither of you decide to acknowledge the tension that has settled in the air. Severus promptly returns to asking you about your symptoms, in an attempt to ward off these strange sentiments that spring to mind in your presence.

©2025, @defectivevillain | @defectivehero, All Rights Reserved. Reblogs are greatly appreciated—just don't steal or share outside of Tumblr, please.

endnotes: I feel like Severus is in a perpetual state of disgust: with himself, with the world around him... sigh. he's very fun to write for, though.

I genuinely forgot I wrote this and was so happy to find it in my drafts again. And then a few weeks passed and I forgot about it *again.* When I stumbled upon it again, I was very surprised to find it 99% complete, bahaha.

anyways, thanks for reading! <3

check out my other works, sorted by fandom.

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friendly reminder that i don't give permission for my writing to be shared to other sites, stolen, copied, translated, or used in any way. thanks!

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt for S behind the cut; “but it’s weird that it happened twice”. (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“Tucker! You said you’d be right back, man!” Danny appears at the top of the stairs, looking stressed and kind of freaked-out, and then immediately jerks to a stop mid-step and stares down at Superboy looking totally baffled instead. “Uh. Tucker . . . ?”

“Ta-da?” Tucker tries, and attempts jazz hands at Superboy. Like, presentation-wise and all. Superboy looks dubious, and also kind of pissy and sulky still. Tucker understands, obviously, but it’s not super helpful. 

. . . no pun intended.

“Tucker? What took you so–” Jazz leans into the hall behind Danny, looking pretty stressed-out herself, and then cuts her own question in half and immediately looks just as baffled. 

Tucker maybe, uh, should’ve texted again. Like–maybe that was a thing he should’ve done. 

“So like, remember when you told me that Doomsday game was stupid?” he asks. “Well, it’s not, and also it gave me an idea? Kinda? Like–well, very much so it gave me an idea, yeah. Like, definitely there’s an idea.” 

Dani peers out from behind Danny and Jazz, looking exhausted and pale and just barely frowning, and Superboy’s sullen expression immediately clears and he pushes his glasses up into his hair and winks up at her. 

“Hey, cutie, ‘sup?” he greets. Tucker would assume it was a “cute girl” thing, except he didn’t do it when he saw Jazz, so presumably it’s more an “obviously identical to the guy answering to ‘Danny’ and therefore obviously who they’re here for” thing. Or maybe he just likes brunettes more than redheads. 

. . . yeah, unlikely. 

“Oh my god, you seriously kidnapped a superhero for me?” Dani asks, a brief flash of glee crossing her tired, pale face as she half-covers her mouth with a hand, eyes sparkling with a delight Tucker has really missed seeing. He also appreciates that she went straight to “kidnapped”, it’s very flattering that that’s her first thought. “Tucker, that’s so sweet!” 

“Oh my god, you kidnapped the actual Superboy,” Jazz says incredulously, then scowls disapprovingly at him and plants her hands on her hips. “Tucker! What is wrong with you?!” 

“I mean he came along willingly, I didn’t have to actually–uh, I mean, not that I would have actually–yeah no he came willingly, I didn’t have to enact Plan Krypton-napping,” Tucker admits sheepishly, though he’s only actually sheepish about any of it because Superboy’s, like, literally standing right next to him and all. Probably that sounds bad, from Superboy’s perspective. “So it’s fine! I didn’t actually have to commit any crimes, and thought-crimes don’t count! Therefore I am blameless and nothing is wrong with me and you can’t be mad about it!” 

“Yes we can, you should’ve taken backup, dummy!” Jazz retorts in exasperation, throwing her hands up in the air before gesturing pointedly at Superboy with both of them. “He can fly! That is like half of his whole thing, is that he can fly! What were you gonna do if he just pulled an up, up, and away?!” 

. . . okay, valid. 

“Unnecessarily waste time tracking him down, probably,” Tucker admits with a wince. “Uh. Yeah, sorry, my bad there.”

[hypokeimena]

the thing about therapy is that when it is presented as a cure-all auto-response to any situation you end up with a number of possible bad outcomes. all of these are just things that have happened to Me, Personally, off the top of my head, and i have not included any of the outright illegal medical malpractice i have experienced in this post either. this is just normal run-of-the-mill bad therapy outcomes.

you go before you're actually willing to do any work on yourself, and end up just wasting your time and money on sessions that do absolutely nothing for you, and as a result decide that there's something fundamentally wrong with you

you go before you're actually willing to do any work on yourself, and end up just wasting your time and money on sessions that do absolutely nothing for you, and as a result decide that therapy is completely useless and so you delay returning to it when you're more stable and it might actually be more helpful to you

you go before you're actually willing to do any work on yourself, and end up just finding psych-approved phrases to justify and validate your ongoing and untreated harmful behavior

you are willing to do the work, but you are unable to discuss your struggles in detail because doing so would end up with a diagnosis in your chart that would make it impossible to manage other parts of your life

you are willing to do the work, but end up with a therapist who threatens to punitively diagnose you with a stigmatized disorder if you are uncomfortable with the treatment plan they suggested.

you end up with a kind of shit therapist who has a financial interest in keeping you in therapy and who is therefore unwilling to actually help you attain any real significant improvement that'd get you to stop seeing them

you end up with a therapist who is bigoted against people like you, and as a result they refuse to facilitate referrals or attempt to block other parts of your medical care / transition / etc.

you end up on medications that don't do anything for you because your therapist wants you to be medicated

you're on meds that give you horrible side effects and you have to grovel not to be marked as noncompliant in your records when you ask to go back off them.

you are willing to do work on yourself, but you end up with a therapist who pushes you to agree with their version of events, and it ends up destabilizing your understanding of your own experiences (this has happened to me both with therapists who pushed me to consider a non-traumatizing experience traumatizing and who pushed me to reframe a traumatizing event as non-abusive).

you are willing to do the work, but you are unable to discuss your struggles in detail because your therapist is a mandatory reporter and you do not want police involved in your situation

literally just off the top of my head. there's way worse stuff that can happen to you. if you die in therapy you die in real life!!!!

[warblogs17282]

Detailing the exact specifics of Andrealphus' plan during Mastermind, just in case you haven't put the pieces together already.

The prelude:

Alongside finding out that Stella is a massive dumbass yet again, Andrealphus gets his big opening to get Stolas' power and such, with that opening being the grimoire arrangement.

Only problem with the plan, is that they need some sort of evidence or testimony in order to frame Blitz of the crime, and well, what better testimony could you get other than the hitman hired by Stella to kill Stolas.

So Andrealphus makes a back alley deal with Striker so to speak, make a deal he literally cannot refuse, with that deal being to give false testimony that frames Blitz of the crime, to say that Blitz hired him in order to kill Stolas in order to cover up the grimoire thing that was going on between them, and in return Striker gets complete immunity for what he's done, and I imagine the consequences would be quite harsh if Striker said no to Andrealphus' deal, probably also being death for the attempted assassination of Stolas, so again, quite literally a deal Striker couldn't refuse, if Striker wanted to keep living for much longer.

Plus, Striker literally had a strong motive to go along with Andrealphus' plan, it gives him a chance to get revenge on Blitz.

With that, everything Andrealphus needs for this plan to work has been set in motion, and now all he has to do is put the plan into motion.

But first, you might be thinking, 'but why go to such lengths to frame Blitz? It's Stolas' power he's after.'

While I will touch on this later, him framing Blitz of the crime draws Stolas out, as Andrealphus likely knows that Stolas won't allow Blitz to take the blame, to be executed. Blitz was a pawn in Andrealphus' plan to get Stolas to be charged for the crime instead.

As Andrealphus has zero possible testimony or evidence he could use to directly implicate Stolas of the crime, he needs a different route, and that's where using Striker's false testimony to frame Blitz of the crime comes into play, as the only way to save Blitz from his execution, the only way to indirectly strike down the false testimony given by Striker is for Stolas to say that he was the mastermind of everything, which Stolas ends up doing, all but completing Andrealphus' plan as a result.

Therefore, showing exactly why Andrealphus needed to frame Blitz of the crime.

The first step of the plan was to get Blitz arrested for this crime, the rest of I.M.P were completely irrelevant to Andrealphus' plan, it's specifically Blitz he needed to frame and no one else.

But wait, why wasn't Stolas invited to the court if again, Andrealphus is after his powers and such?

My answer to that is the fact that Stolas would instantly shut down him accusing Blitz of 'forcing himself onto Stolas' and Striker's false testimony of Blitz hiring Striker to kill Stolas in order to cover up the grimoire thing.

Stolas could not have been allowed to know about these accusations against Blitz, otherwise Andrealphus' plan would've been ruined, as again, Stolas could shut down Andrealphus' accusations against Blitz, without having to take the drastic measure of saying that he was the mastermind behind everything. Andrealphus' entire plan relied on using Blitz as a pawn to draw Stolas out.

Step two, accuse Blitz of multiple crimes, including the attempted assassinated of Stolas.

Step three, entirely shut down Moxxie's objection by playing his trump card of the back alley deal he did before the trial, Striker's false testimony accusing Blitz of hiring him to kill Stolas in order to cover up the grimoire thing.

Step 3.5, Blitz straight up had no way out of Striker's false testimony, with his only other possible option being to say that he could've killed Stolas himself if he wanted to, making Blitz look even worse to the eyes of the court, and at the same time, Striker's false testimony is still very valid to the eyes of the court, even in spite of what Blitz has just said.

Step 4 and 5: Play into Satan's authoritarian attitudes, that he'll forcibly broadcast Blitz's execution to all seven rings of hell, and use that to draw Stolas out, to draw him out into the courts to prevent Blitz's execution, and again, Stolas does not know about what Andrealphus has accused Blitz of (such as the forcing himself on Stolas thing) and he also doesn't know about Striker's false testimony.

Step 6: As a reminder, Stolas knows nothing about the trial before it came up on his TV, he doesn't know of the multiple crimes Andrealphus has accused Blitz of, and he doesn't know about Striker's false testimony.

Just look at Andrealphus' face here, that is the face of a man who knows that Stolas is going to come to the rescue of Blitz, that is the face of a man who is entirely confident in his plans of drawing Stolas out, forcing him to take drastic measures as well.

And well, Stolas did take those drastic measures, just as Andrealphus planned that he would. Stolas claimed that he was the mastermind behind everything, in a desperate attempt to save Blitz from his execution. Opening Andrealphus up for executing the final part of his plan.

Step 7: Use the fact that this kind of thing is an extremely rare thing to happen, and take advantage of the fact that no one really knows how to punish Stolas for this kind of thing. Suggest that Stolas should lose everything, such as his title and status, and that they should be handed over to the 'responsible' one as Octavia isn't of age yet. Basically, the punishment places everything that Stolas had right into the greedy little palms of Andrealphus, with that completing the main part of his plan.

The final step (in progress), is to manipulate Octavia, Stolas' only daughter, into believing that Stolas never loved her. (Heading into a bit of prediction territory here but)

The first part of this step is to let Octavia believe that Stolas was actually executed for as long as possible, and Andrealphus and Stella will 100% attempt to push the false narrative to Octavia that Stolas threw his life away for an imp, without ever considering Octavia at all, showing that Stolas never loved her, and when Stolas eventually meets Octavia again somehow, showing that Stolas actually never died, I imagine that Octavia is going to think that Stolas left her behind, that he ran off with Blitz, went away where she couldn't find him. From there, all Andrealphus and Stella need to do is push that false narrative onto her as much as possible, to again make it seem like Stolas never loved her.

'Are you gonna run off with him? And leave me behind? Go away where… I can't find you?' - Octavia, s1 e2.

And well, all of this is gonna eventually lead up to the line that Octavia has in the trailer, 'You never loved mother, you don't love me. You love him!'

And once that happens, Andrealphus' plan is basically entirely done to completion.

[myslutwritings]

I RLLY LOVE UR BLOG OMG 😭💗💗 IF U CAN, CAN I PLEASE REQUEST A THING WITH THE FIRST 3 UPPER MOONS WHERE WHERE READER ACCIDENTALLY CUTS THEIR LONG HAIR TOO SHORT AND REGRETS IT? I HAD THE SAME SITUATION BEFORE 😭😭

Aww, thanks honey! and of course! 🖤

➤ The 3 Uppermoons reaction to your haircut

featuring: Kokushibo [uppermoon 1], Douma [uppermoon 2], Akaza [uppermoon 3]

— A/N: sorry for being gone for so long (again) i tend to disappear and reappear whenever i please. 😂💀

(not proof read btw!!)

KOKUSHIBO

let’s start off by saying that before you even pick up those damn scissors to cut off those voluptuous locks he is IMMEDIATELY stopping you.

Is he doing this because this is his special way of throwing a silent tantrum over the fact you’re cutting your hair and he’s one of those guys who likes people with short hair? NO!

Is he doing this because he’s very observant and knows you’ll fuck it up and then regret it afterwards? YES!

Do you listen to him?

…

No :)

SOOOO you end up cutting your hair.. and.. let’s say it’s a total DISASTER AFTERWARDS.

Horrible would be an understatement!

(at least to you.)

You’re flipping your shit at this point and Koku is just looking at you with a “i told you so” look.

But hey! it’s okay! he still thinks your beautiful no matter what even with shorter hair. He doesn’t care about that and only loves you for you.

You could be bald and this man would still love you to bits!

Kokushibo actually finds it silly that you think he’d care so much about your physically appearance.

He finds you freaking out over it very endearing and now you have to admit you should’ve listened to him since he was right about you ‘fucking up’ your hair.

DOUMA

“Oh my! what happened?!”

Quite literally Douma’s exact words!

He just returned back to his temple from a mission to find a pair of old scissors in your hand and hair stands all over the floor.

Oh, so messy! He isn’t too fond of messes..

But, you know, since it’s YOU, so he’ll let it slide!

Questions what in muzans name you were doing.

Let’s pretend muzan is an expression because it’s funny.

Much like Kokushibo he’ll find it amusing how distraught you are over something so little!

It’s just hair.. why do you care so much?

He still finds you beautiful! not the best at validating your feelings though because he thinks you being legitimately upset over this is stupid.

Always found you being upset by the tiniest of things so dumb but also fascinating.

Douma doesn’t feel anything (so he claims..)

So therefore you feeling so strongly compared to him keeps it entertaining.

But he finds himself feeling somewhat sorry and comforting you in the end..

Strange.

Reassures you that your hair will look great long, medium length or short. he adores every part of you!

AKAZA

Akaza actually likes your hair short!

Not even like.. HE LOVES IT!

Digs it. i’ll tell you!

I feel like he’d like women/men with shorter/medium-length hair.

(Of course he is still attracted to you regardless of your hair style)

Since you’re dating a demon obsessed with fighting..

He actually teaches you how to defend yourself (so that when he isn’t around you’ll be able to fend for yourself)

And fighting with short hair is wayyyy easier! it doesn’t get in the way when you’re training.

Whenever Akaza would train you, you’d always have to put up your hair.

It sorta irritated him because why not just cut it? Or trim it?

Until you finally go through with it..

Shit turned into a whole fiasco. ☠️

You’re upset over it but he convinces you to look on the bright side. attempting to make you focus on the positive aspects rather the negative.

“You’re still so beautiful! Don’t be upset over your hair. it’ll grow back.”

You miss your long hair and regret cutting it and you know it’ll grow back but you can’t help but feel salty.

At least it doesn’t get in the way when Akaza trains you anymore so that’s a bonus.

[the-gay-prometheus]

Thank you Dean and Cas, you can go back to superhell now or whatever.

OK. Now that I have your full and undivided attention.

What the &#!* is happening in Pennsylvania?!?

Hi. You can call me Jay or Victor (I go by both interchangeably). Who the heck am I? I'm just a guy who happens to be privy to a few of the finer details about some of the things going on regarding the election here in Pennsylvania due to my proximity to someone who is involved in the electoral process.

Skip to the "keep reading" if you don't care about the how or why I'm making this post and just want the details about what's going on.

You may have recently seen a post going around talking about how somebody has paid for many many many mail-in ballots in Pennsylvania to be challenged and therefore slowing the ability for those ballots to be counted or putting them at risk of being discarded entirely.

Note - the version of the post linked there is the EDITED version that includes my initial responses (thank you to OP @/feralcringeman for editing my addition onto the post!!!! and also a massive thank you for making the post in the first place!!!!! I'm glad more word is getting out about this situation!!!!)

I am not trying to undermine this individual's post by any means. However, thanks to the way Tumblr works, I am concerned about the fact that most people are only seeing the initial unedited version of the post and are not looking into the reblogs to see my responses.

THESE RESPONSES ARE IMPORTANT.

I'm not just saying that to be self-important or whatever - I'm saying that because it is extremely important that people understand exactly what is going on so that, if and when they take action, they take the correct action and don't start throwing accusations that will ultimately end with them not being taken seriously.

To make sure this updated information gets out to a broader audience, I am making my own post with everything you need to know included. Find out everything you need to know that I am able to tell you under the cut.

Here are the key things you need to know:

The emails in the original post are legitimate. Mail-in ballots are in fact being challenged in Pennsylvania, and there will be court hearings regarding the legitimacy of these ballots

These challenges are not being made by Donald Trump himself - they are being made by avid supporters of his.

These challenges ARE LEGAL by Pennsylvania law, and the law does require a payment to be made per ballot being challenged by the challenger

There was recent news about fraudulent voter registrations being received in Lancaster County. These have absolutely no connection to the individuals responsible for challenging the mail-in ballots

In Pennsylvania, there is a law stating that any Pennsylvania citizen may come to their county's director of elections and claim that certain mail-in ballot applications may be fraudulent. When they do so, they must pay cash out of pocket per ballot application challenged. This money will go toward whatever the county needs to put it toward (usually paying off debt). The amount required to be paid per challenge is $10.

A group of avid Trump supporters worked together to make use of this law in 14 counties:

In my county specifically, I am aware of an individual who paid over $7,000 in cash to challenge ballots - that is between 700-800 challenges in my county alone.

Across these 14 counties, the number of ballots being challenged is over 4,300. That is over $43,000 paid in cash out of pocket by Trump supporters in Pennsylvania specifically with the intent of attempting to, at worst, nullify perfectly valid mail-in ballot applications and void valid votes, or at best, slow down the vote counting process by forcing the counties to conduct court hearings regarding the legitimacy of these ballots.

The good news is, many of these counties are not taking these challenges seriously whatsoever. In some cases, the judges are literally just throwing out the challenges. In other cases, the ones who made the challenges are withdrawing their challenges because it's clear that their challenges won't be taken seriously. That said, some counties may take them more seriously and hold more intense trials. In some cases, the challengers may appeal the more swiftly made court decisions and force yet another court case, slowing things down even more.

What does this all mean?

Trump didn't cheat (at least not in this specific case). Technically his supporters that made these challenges didn't either. These challenges are 100% legal under Pennsylvania law. They're ridiculous, but they are legal.

So does this mean you shouldn't raise your voices about it? That you shouldn't contact the White House and include this situation in your note about how there was foul play in this election? Absolutely not. You should include this situation, but do not frame it as cheating, because it isn't. Frame it as just another way that this election has not been run entirely fairly, because while it is legal, it means that there are perfectly valid votes that are still waiting to be counted while extremely tight races are already being called.

~~~

With all that out of the way, what was that thing I said about fraudulent voter registrations in Lancaster?

This is a completely separate issue, as I've mentioned, and it's already been discovered that the vast majority of registrations flagged as potentially fraudulent have been verified as legitimate. What is important to note is that these were voter registrations, NOT ballots.

News of this situation has gone national, so of course Trump picked up on it (and visited Lancaster not once but twice after the entire issue came to a head). But Trump is Trump, so what did he say? He said that these were fraudulent ballots, fraudulent votes. That is not true.

The issue was voter registrations, potentially being conducted by paid political canvassers that were being given quotas on how many registrations they needed to get in order to be paid. Whether that bit is true or not is still being investigated - if it is true, it's very much illegal.

As I said, the good news is that the vast majority of the over 2000 flagged registrations have been verified as legitimate, and the number that actually does seem to be fraudulent so far is hovering below 20% of the number of registrations initially flagged.

Again, this issue is completely separate. You may see it being lumped together with the current issue of ballots being challenged, but these fraudulent registrations are linked to an entirely different situation and have nothing to do with Trump or his supporters.

~~~

So! That's the tea on what's happening here in PA. It's not as bad as it initially might sound - not to say it isn't bad, it's just not as bad. Feel free to ask questions, I'll do my best to answer with the information I have/the information I'm allowed to give.

And also, on a slightly lighter note, I think we should all collectively laugh at the idiots who paid a grand total of $43,000+ in cash for literally no good reason considering most of these challenges are just being or going to be thrown out. Lmao. I hope our counties' treasuries are enjoying those donations.

[marlynnofmany]

Apparently reblogs are off for the cool post about aliens that have a billion babies and wait to see which survive, and that's a pity, because @lillyjen had some great ideas that are worth sharing:

Makes me think of species that go to one specific place to breed, because the young need very different conditions than the adults. And the journey is often arduous & perilous, & the time you're able to spend there is very limited. And nowadays breeding isn't a death sentence (though it probably requires a recovery period), because they're intelligent enough to overcome most of the pitfalls, but since breeding requires those very specific conditions, as do the offspring prior to maturation, you still can't live there. There's monitoring equipment, nowadays. Plus a research station, of sorts. But the incompatible environment means there is very little adults can do to intervene (though they do try - the bulk of their resources are probably reserved for emergencies, though, since they're limited). I think a species with this kind of maturation cycle probably wouldn't have the same communication in juvenile & adult forms, too, so it would be like monitoring a wild animal population in more ways than one. Sort of "I am intelligent enough to recognise these creatures as my offspring" but also "we are entirely seperate species until they reach their first maturation". (Might also be a case of "one of our kids", i.e.: this is where x community goes to breed, therefore these are the kids that belong to those people. They get sorted into homes based on how many survive, & who has what resources. They're aware of genetics & direct descent, but it's just not something that really concerns them.) #most examples of this kind of breed em & leave em I can think of are marine based #reasons for inhospitality: #eggs need a certain temperature #adults die with prolonged exposure to that kind of heat #infants thrive in the heat #(no need for internal temperature regulation) #but once they reach a certain mass it becomes too hot#plus there's not enough food #OR #breeding season follows feeding season #which follows patterns of boom & bust #we lay our eggs in the barren places because we cannot afford to carry them with us #(& modern attempts to try have shown that the conditions are too variable & they die) #& there are no predators that will eat them in the barren places #unfortunately #that also means there's nothing for the offspring to eat once they've consumed their eggs #(probably some cannibalism on the way out of the barren places…) #we bury our eggs in the sacred grounds #(which science tells us has a specific blend of temperature & minerals that are absorbed through the soft shells #& is nigh impossible to recreate artificially) #& must wait for our offspring to return to us #since treading on the sacred ground defiles it #(risks disturbing it's delicate environment) #etc

This makes a lot of sense! I didn't think that there could be reasons for the adults to not stay in the area itself, aside from predators. But if the region itself is inhospitable -- or in danger of damage from the adults -- then that is an entirely valid reason to simply wait for the hatchlings to make their way out and join the rest of society.

I'll bet there are some very interesting social structures for how those self-sufficient feral children are welcomed into society, too.

[utilitycaster]

while we're all 2x11 Fjord Posting I have wondered, for quite a while, why he gets left out of discussions of southern US accents in Exandria, since even though it's not his natural accent, he spoke in it for half the campaign (and Travis is himself Texan). Now, there was definitely a bit of a schism during the run of C2 where people loudly preferred Texan Fjord despite it representing his discomfort with himself (much as a lot of people similarly dismiss the importance of halfling Veth). I think that can be attributed to the combination of people unhappy with unrelated developments romanticizing the earlier campaign and all the trappings thereof; and the unfortunate "I can only enjoy characters onto which I can project my own personal narrative" problem about which I and others have talked extensively, particularly when it comes to white middle-class queer narratives. Fjord's story being a discomfort with himself due to racism, rather than gender, is constantly dismissed.

For Fjord's accent, though, I think there's another factor. During C2, at least what I saw in favor of Fjord's accent was primarily an appreciation for a more diverse array of accents generally, after the almost entirely American and British accents of campaign 1. And I think that's valid, though dismissing the character concept is less so. But during Campaign 3 I noticed that people, including those with truly no ties nor, dare I say, cultural context for the US Southern accent were effusive about Imogen, Liliana, and Birdie's accents in particular, even referring to Fearne as honorary southern despite her being raised by Morri and therefore lacking either of her parents' distinct accents - but rarely FCG nor Dancer. And two things clicked:

First: those are exclusively white characters; Dancer is not, FCG is a robot, and Fjord is canonically racialized. (The accents are all pretty white, but to be fair I understand the cast not choosing to adopt a southern black accent for obvious reasons, though while we're at it Shakaste never seems to come up either, despite a distinct drawl and despite Khary Payton being from Georgia.)

Second: Fjord adopts his accent - Vandran's accent - as a voice that will command respect. While ultimately the charisma was inside him all along and the confidence merely in need of earning, he is quite successful in his attempts to make friends and influence people while speaking in Vandran's voice. The US southern accent, in this part of Exandria's world, at least, is not stigmatized in the slightest. It is not oppressed; and so it doesn't fit the desired narrative, and is ignored.

[frankenfran]

"you see, i agree with the argument but that simply won't fly with my "smartest person in the room" persona so i can't simply say "that's so true" and move on. my ego just won't allow it! please stand back while the nuance understander is at work, lest ye be cut by my razor sharp intellect. you see... thing is bad, but. you haven't demonstrated an explicit understanding of every conceivable angle in your post, therefore... you simply don't understand the nuance! nevermind the fact that what i say is actually further proving your point in a roundabout way while i attempt to shut down any critical conversation at all, that's not important. what IS important is that you give me attention and validation for being smart so. ill be taking that upvote, if you would be so kind!" ☝️🤓

[supreme-leader-stoat]

Response to your reblog before I peace out.

The argument of the immorality of abortion is built on the assumption that life inherently has value. Lives do not have any inherent value, because they are the result of millions of years of naturally occurring processes. These natural processes do not have any inherent moral value; attempting to assign one would involve invoking some sort of "god" that exists beyond the material, observable, provable world we live in, rather than some logical, clear, and distinct notion such as the one attempted to be shown. For these reasons, abortion is morally neutral.

On that note, the morality and legality of abortion are thereby a human notion, with a logically valid -though not logically sound- argument in either direction. The argument presented says that "no human life should be purposefully ended by another human being. Because that's murder." In short, they believe that murder is necessarily and inherently immoral. That's all it is though, a belief: There is no wholly logical ground to stand on with regards to murder being universally bad in all scenarios, because of its' moral neutrality as I proved above. In other words, the morality and legality of aborting a fetus is wholly subjective.

"Do you actually have an issue with my argument that a fetus is a human being with the right to life, and ending their life is murder[?]"

Yes I do. A fetus is not survivable beyond the confines of the womb for quite some time; in fact, not until right before the fetus is due to become a baby and be born, that ever-reliable 8 month mark after insemination. As such, considering the fetus is unable to survive without constant connection to the pregnant person, it stands to reason that this is an extension of their body at this point, rather than a separate entity. If one intended to claim it still was at the stages before a fetus can survive independently, then consider this implication: Parasites rely on being attached to living beings in order to survive. This includes humans. Therefore, following the earlier claim that "a fetus is a human being with the right to life, and ending their life is murder," a parasite attached to a human is also a human being with the right to life, and ending their life is murder. Therefore, it is more reasonable to claim that for most of the pregnancy cycle, a fetus is not a separate entity from the pregnant person, and by extension, "ending its' life" is not murder.

"Babies are people, too, and have the same right to life as an adult."

This is true! Because babies are not fetuses.

Just thought you would want to read this, because anti-choice rhetoric can be very harmful in shutting down the agency of pregnant people and their ability to dictate their own lives. Knowing the direction that restrictions of this kind have gone in the past, those restrictions will not stop after the illegalization of abortion. Please consider who this harms and who this helps before spreading closed-minded rhetoric of that kind.

Either morality (God-given or otherwise, because there are many secular arguments against abortion) exists or it doesn't. There is a line in the sand or there is not. If you truly intend to argue that lives have no inherent value beyond what we assign them, then not only are the two of us operating in completely irreconcilable ethical frameworks, but yours collapses under its own weight; harm, agency, all these things mattering hinges on the idea that humans and (to a lesser extent) other forms of life have inherent worth, inherent dignity, that causing the former and undermining the latter are wrong in and of themselves.

If there is no objective standard on which to hang our arguments, then everything becomes subjective; all that matters is what we value on a social and individual level. And if that's the case, why would I ever bother to value the opinions of you, a stranger on the internet, over my own? It would be unfair and wrong of me not to consider other positions, to try to see things from another person's point of view, but why should I care about fairness or rightness?

Equating an embryo or fetus to a parasite is fallacious and incorrect. Ignoring that by the scientific definition parasites have to be a different species from the host, and that a pregnancy is a two-way street that also provides benefits for the mother, embryos and fetuses are simply living out the natural development cycle that literally every other human being on the planet has gone through. The biological principles at play in parasitism and human reproduction are fundamentally different.

I could keep going. I could match your arguments with my own about how anti-life rhetoric is a slippery slope to eugenics, about how I could just as easily twist your arguments around to make social parasites out of the elderly and disabled; but in this case it's pointless, because I can't even get you to sit down and agree upon simple principles like "human lives have value" and "murder is bad" or even "there is such a thing as objective morality."

[writingwithcolor]

Avoiding the white savior of the kingdom

@ceo-of-angst asked:

Okay so I'm writing a fantasy series. There's two main kingdoms though there is a third but that one doesn't have to do anything with this ask. Both of them are likely as big as a continent each so there are different climates everywhere, therefore there's a lot of diversity even within one country. The issues mostly is between the two kingdoms nationality wise, as there's a war. The prince of one of the kingdoms kills his older brother to gain the throne. This is where the issue starts. They have a younger (half)sister who ends up leading a revolution bc of her brother's bad rule (famine, war, dictatorship and incantation or sentence to fight to the death in war to anyone who doesn't obbey the government etc), she's white, she's helped by my main cast who are all poc (one of them also from nobility) from the other kingdom and I don't want to accidently make it a white savior She's not my main character though if anything we only see into her pov bc of a difference between kingdoms in book 2. Most of the pov is on my main cast so I don't know how this could pay out.

Add diversity to the kingdom

There is a simple solution: don’t make one kingdom all-white or all-BIPOC. Add in diversity and mixed race. You seem to already be doing that, and it’s not an issue of race but rather tyranny. White saviorism is when only a white character can solve a problem for BIPOC and they’re seen as the hero. If it’s a team effort, where your protagonist is fallible but well-intentioned, you should be fine. -Jaya

Questions to ask yourself

This critique got levied at Tamora Pierce’s Trickster series, and it’s a pretty valid critique of the books—every time you have a white person as a figurehead of an otherwise-diverse movement, you’re going to start getting into why this white person, and why then?

It’s especially salient if you have the person come into an already-established rebellion movement. Is her involvement the thing that gets the privilege necessary to make the movement valid? What about her makes her the ideal top person in the organization?

Why is she white?

My first question is: why is she white? Is it related to colorism and classism? If yes, then why are you automatically making the leading group white if there’s so much diversity and so many other groups can trend extremely pale?

Why are the kingdoms so big?

My second question is: why are the kingdoms so big? It’s actually frighteningly hard to run a continent-sized country. If you’re attempting to make these single groups so big simply for ease of worldbuilding, and for diversity’s sake, know that a country does not have to be large to contain a multitude of groups. You are allowed to have political rivalry in a small area and still maintain diversity within it.

How much privilege is she willing to give up?

My third question is: how much privilege is she willing to give up? Is she trying to take the throne for herself, or is she trying to destroy all of the structures that gave her status in the first place? Because that question will determine how willing the PoC around her are going to be. Why would they support a ruler if they’ve been subjugated by that family, with no real promise she’s going to be any different once she gets in power?

On the flipside, why would she be willing to give up any of her privilege in the name of removing her brother from the throne, and what stops her from going off the deep end once she has the ability to control others?

It’s likely doable to make this situation read as less of a white saviour, but in order to do that you’ll likely need to wask yourself a lot of hard questions about your motives and the character arc you want to have with her.

People may see a white savior, regardless

And you’ll also have to ask yourself if you’ll be comfortable with never really being able to avoid some people calling this a white saviour plot. Even if you do “everything right” and follow every bit of advice you can, there’s always going to be some people who aren’t too thrilled that the person saving everyone is white.

So examine your motives, really nail down what you’re trying to show with this, and come to terms with not making everyone happy no matter what you do.

~Mod Lesya

[belit0]

Can you write about the uchiha men's reaction to their s/o being nerdy and know it all kind of brat who always tries to rationalize their emotions......if no then it's ok, I really love your work btw🫂🫶

Thank u so much darling, love u! (ngl i love how Indra's turned out ajsdhasdj)

Indra

(Y/N) is halfway through her latest attempt at psychoanalyzing him when Indra, quite suddenly, holds up a single, elegant hand.

-Enough.

She pauses, mouth half-open, momentarily caught off guard. -I—

-You presume to understand me,- he continues, tone light, almost amused. -yet you fail to acknowledge a simple, irrefutable fact.-

(Y/N) crosses her arms, raising a brow. -And what’s that?-

Indra leans in, voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.

-I am always right.-

(Y/N) gapes at him. -That’s not—THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS.-

-It is when you’re me.- He straightens, smug, enjoying this far too much. -And I am me, therefore...-.

-I swear I will THROW this book at your head—

Indra smirks, tutting, shaking his head. -Temper, temper. And you call me emotionally repressed.-

(Y/N) groans, throwing her head back in frustration. -You are the most insufferable man alive.-

-And yet, you keep trying.-

Her eye twitches. One day, she swears. One day, she will win.

…But today is not that day.

Madara

Madara listens, arms folded, expression flat as (Y/N) launches into her latest thesis on emotional suppression. She speaks as if she’s discovered some great universal truth, voice full of certainty, hands gesturing in that obnoxiously confident way she does when she thinks she’s right.

-it’s basic psychology,- she explains, pushing her glasses up her nose. -You bottle everything up because processing emotions makes you feel vulnerable. That’s why you’re so emotionally stunted.-

Madara blinks once. Then twice. Then, in the most deadpan voice imaginable, he asks:

-Have you considered, perhaps, that I am simply built different?

(Y/N) falters. -That’s—what? That’s not how psychology works—

-And yet,- he gestures at himself vaguely, -here I stand. Defying all your little theories.-

She squints. -You’re just proving my point.-

-And you’re proving mine,- he counters smoothly, stepping closer, looming over her. -That some things, no matter how much you study, are beyond your understanding.-

(Y/N) opens her mouth to argue, but Madara lifts a single brow, daring her to continue.

She scowls. Smug bastard.

Madara smirks. Checkmate.

Izuna

-Are you serious right now?- Izuna throws his hands in the air, pacing as (Y/N) calmly lists every single reason why his anger issues stem from childhood insecurity.

-Stop using big words to tell me I have issues!- he snaps, pointing an accusatory finger at her. -You don’t know everything—hell, you don’t even know me!-

-I know you project your emotions outward because internalizing them feels like weakness,- she counters smoothly, adjusting her glasses (because, of course, she wears glasses). -and that you always seek external validation, which is why you’re so affected when someone doesn’t take you seriously.-

Izuna gapes. Stunned. Offended.

-What the fuck—

(Y/N) smirks, triumphant.

-Oh my fucking- you’re unendurable.- Izuna groans, pinching the bridge of his nose before turning away. -And wrong, by the way! Just—so wrong.-

He storms off, muttering curses under his breath. Ten minutes later, he’s definitely looking up the psychological terms she used.

Obito

-THAT’S NOT TRUE.- Obito practically yells before she even finishes her sentence.

(Y/N) blinks. -I haven’t even—

-I AM NOT INSECURE!

She crosses her arms, unimpressed. -I never said you were.-

Obito freezes.

-…Oh.

(Y/N) smirks. -Interesting reaction, though.-

His entire face goes red. -SHUT UP.-

Shisui

Shisui leans against a wall, arms crossed, smirking as (Y/N) rants about why his constant deflection and humor are just coping mechanisms to avoid deeper issues.

-I mean, obviously,- he says, grinning -But it works, so why fix what isn’t broken?-

(Y/N) groans. -That’s not— God, you’re impossible.-

-Mm. But you love it.- He winks.

(Y/N) glares. -Your humor is a mask.-

-And your intelligence is a shield.- He raises a brow, tilting his head. -We all wear armor, sweetheart.-

(Y/N) falters, lips parting slightly.

Shisui grins, victorious. -Now, that is how you win an argument.-

Itachi

Itachi listens. He does not interrupt. He does not argue. He does not react.

(Y/N) talks, and talks, and talks. She dissects his every action, his every calculated move, until she is certain she has him figured out.

And then, just as she finishes and prepares for some inevitable debate, he tilts his head, watching her, silent.

She shifts.

-…You’re not gonna say anything?-

He hums, as if considering. -Would it matter?-

(Y/N) hesitates. -…Yes?-

A soft exhale, almost a laugh, but not quite. Itachi’s lips barely curve, a ghost of a smirk. -Then I will say nothing.-

And just like that, he wins.

[skyfallscotland]

We really need to talk about this obsession with toxic positivity in fandom.

There are corners of the internet (tumblr, reddit, in some respects AO3) that were made for discussion and exploration.

Part of being in fandom is, and has always been, discussing canon through a critical lens. This should be expected, not lambasted as if the creators themselves are going to read every post and be so viscerally offended they skip their dinner for the night.

If you’re required to only “be positive” about something, the community devolves into an echo chamber and that's boring. Going against the grain, believing something different, never used to make you a 'hater'. Where did we go so wrong that it’s perceived as such now?

Everyone has a valid viewpoint to add to any discussion, however my viewpoint is only welcomed if it’s in agreement with the majority of people—which it generally will never be given I am, in fact, a minority and therefore do not view the text through the same lens as most people. My lived experience means I don’t think like most of you, and I'm frustrated that I’m essentially told to sit in a corner and be quiet because of it. Why are you even posting under a discussion flair if any opinion different to yours is met with vitriol? You clearly don't want discussion.

Here’s the thing—you don’t love this book more than me just because you don't have any critiques. Your opinion is not more valid than mine (or anyone else's) because you lack the ability or the inclination to imagine, to explore, to question.

You (we, if I may) can love something and still believe it can be improved upon. Generally, if you love something, that is what you want—you want it to be the best it can be.

And even if you don't think the same way I do, here's the thing—ultimately, how the hell does it affect you if I don’t agree with an aspect of the text or your interpretation of it? My criticism of the way certain books are lauded for bare bones disability rep or their inclusivity when they have *checks notes* a character of ambiguous skin tone, should have no bearing on your enjoyment of the book. My opinion that a character has ambiguous morals should have no bearing on your enjoyment of the character.

You wanna know what I think it is? (You don't, but I'm going to tell you anyway)—people seek to find themselves in stories. We want to feel seen, that’s normal. But now, especially in these fandoms, people are getting the lines blurred. They’re getting their identities completely entangled with these books.

It’s ok to love something, but to become so entrenched in it that you can’t separate the book from your own sense of self? That's dangerous.

These unfortunate people need you to say only ultra-positive things about it because anything else is perceived as an attack on them and who they are—because they think they are the things they enjoy. Positive opinions on the text and its characters, in line with their own, are self-validation for them.

Enjoying something doesn’t mean it has to be a part of your identity. Things can be beloved and formative without affecting your self-esteem and sense of worth.

And I think, for me at least, it all trickles down to this: at the end of the day, if I disagree with something, I attempt to counter the opinion, that's how my brain rolls—people who disagree with 'being negative' (and I say that with the utmost derision, because usually it’s not negativity at all) don't have an argument that you're wrong, they just don't think you should talk about it. They go straight to attacks and vitriol, and telling you to get out.

You can still like something and admit it’s flawed.

There are a great many things I love about my fandoms, I just don't always mention them because it's been covered already 😉 Why bring up something ten other people already have day in, day out?

In closing, I'll leave you with this:

Even when fandom is being critical, it ultimately comes from a place of optimism and devotion, one that centers on the hope that a beloved property might stop fucking everything up and start being good again, x

Oh, and no, I won't "quit reading fantasy" just because I want to see a protagonist with my physical limitations. That's ableist as fuck. Have the day you deserve!

[doomwitctheories]

YOU and HIM - Upbringing Theory

DISCLAIMER:

YOU and HIM is an +18 visual novel. Therefore, minors, don't interact.

TRIGGER WARNINGS:

Religious trauma. (SA) Sexual abuse. Sexism. Helicopter parenting. Censorship. Domestic abuse. Suicide. Murder and violence.

I finally have some spare time to write this theory down. And by that I mean, I don’t really have the time, but I need some dopamine to start the tasks I actually need to be doing and what better way to do so than getting on this side quest that I’ve delayed for so long. Specially since chapter 4 is currently on the making.

The following post is a long theory regarding Adam’s childhood and upbringing.

Since YOU and HIM aims to be somewhat realistic, I will consider facts from the real world as valid evidence to support some of the ideas drawn here.

Please check the trigger warnings before continuing.

Great! Since I’m awful with introductions, let’s start from the beginning: what we know from the game dialogue directly.

When YOU first meet Adam, YOU mention both his parents in a teasing manner in an attempt to keep the killer talking, and he immediately gets defensive about his mom specifically.

YOU: A Christmas present for your dear ol’ mom and dad then?

Adam: Don’t talk about my mother.

That alone let us know his mother is a sensitive topic for him. Some theorize Adam hates his mom and that’s the reason behind his visceral reaction to your comment and the terrifying nature of his nightmares. Even though that’s a possibility, I disagree. 

His line sounds as a warning to me. “Watch your mouth, don't you dare disrespect my mother.” To back this interpretation, we have this image from the official Twitter account and this old tumblr post that narrates how Adam and his mother once took care of an injured crow. 

(Art belongs to @YOUandHIM_GAME on twitter)

So then, why does Adam remember his mom as this demonic ghost that haunts his nightmares? Well, because, as we’ll explore later, her mom was traumatized and perceived men’s sexual nature as something intrinsically damaging. She probably taught him this, directly or indirectly (with her actions and reactions), in hopes to guide and/or protect him, without realizing she was demonizing and shaming a natural side of his son. When Adam feels like he’s failing her memory and his promise, her mother appears in front of him, enraged and disappointed, a reflection of what he’s internalized about himself. But this doesn’t delete the fact he holds his mother dear to his heart. I doubt he would wear her pendant otherwise, even if it’s upside down.

On the other hand, he willingly shares some useful information about his father. YOU ask five questions, to which he replies shortly. Let’s examine them in order.

YOU: Does he snore like a boar?

Adam: No.

I would say this first reply is unimportant, but you never know.

YOU: Did he play catch with you as a kid?

Adam: No.

YOU: Does he make corny dad jokes?

Adam: No.

Adam’s father (who we’ll be referring to as Larry from now on) is clearly on the serious side. This lack of regard for fun and leisure may have conditioned Adam to mature early, ditch games and/or toys and focus primarily on studying and whatever chores were expected of him.

This could be subconscious (a very busy parent doesn’t care or give importance to play, so the child internalizes this and matures early in search of approval or attention) or indoctrinated directly (his father punished or was critical/controlling of his playtime).

YOU: Does he barbecue and watch football on Sundays?

Adam: Yes.

YOU: What does he do for a living?

Adam: he’s a preacher for my hometown church back in Tennessee.

Alright. Now we know his father was a Christian, but this alone isn’t enough to determine his belief-system, since there’s a broad variety of Christian denominations.

After some research, I believe Adam’s hometown church probably falls under the baptist denomination, based on:

The word “preacher”: this term is commonly used in protestant denominations.

Tennessee demographics: In 2014, the statistics for religious affiliation in Tennessee show the large majority of the population falls under Evangelical Protestantism. Baptism falls under this umbrella.

Lastly, according to wikipedia, Southern Baptist churches have historically had a significant and widespread presence in Tennessee. The Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) is one of the largest Protestant denominations in the United States, and it has numerous congregations across Tennessee.

This religious oriented lifestyle relates to his father’s reported activity specifically on Sundays. He probably gathered with other church members after preaching.

Now let’s take a look at what we know about Clarissa: Adam’s mom. Let’s start with the old picture Aunt Ruth keeps like a treasure and the memories and impressions it elicits.

Ruth’s POV: The one where she’s in front of her old church the day after her high school graduation. [...] Back in those days, everything was sorted into neat little boxes and anything that stood outside of it was a menace to society. And those ideals matched that of her friends perfectly. So much so, her mother used to tease the six of them about being a hive mind.

YOUr POV: He presents you with a picture of your aunt and four other women. [...] You take your time studying the photo, when something about the woman positioned at the far left of the group [...] captures your attention. While the rest of the women laugh openly, hers conveys a distinct shyness. Almost as if she doesn’t want the others to notice. [...] She’s model-pretty. Distinguishable within any crowd, much like the rest of her friends. [...] and notice how her arms aren’t linked with the others.

Even tho this isn’t directly stated, we can guess from the looks of the women in the picture they're all related to CAKE. I suspect, Adam’s mom, Ethan’s relative, aunt Ruth, King’s relative and Cain’s relative.

From this paragraph, we can presume that the five women in the picture shared strict religious beliefs, and were weary and distrusting of outside sources. They live in a small world with no room for doubt or discussion, which lead them to unhealthy black and white thinking, even if at the time they weren’t aware because they were able to deny and disown the parts of themselves that opposed their ideals.

We get a glimpse of Clarissa’s personality. Shy, too unsure to reach out and link her arms with the rest of her friends. Maybe on the submissive side, the type to never talk back, keep her voice down and avoid conflict.

Ruth’s POV: His cross earring glints in the light, capturing Ruth’s full attention. [...] She knows that earring. But she hasn’t seen it since the unfortunate news about Clarissa came out, and back then it wasn’t an earring. In fact, it was a pendant that belonged on a necklace. A gift she gave to Clarissa for her birthday so many odd years ago.

Ruth’s POV: [...] with the face of the woman she once cared for. With the face of her first love.

We now know Adam’s famous earring is actually a pendant Ruth gifted Clarissa, Adam’s mom, back in high school (since she wears it in her graduation picture). 

We know that something unfortunate happened to Clarissa, and now she’s gone. It’s heavily implied she passed away. After that, Adam retrieved the pendant and turned it into an earring.

Adam’s dream sequence: Frantic black lettering bleeds through the paper as if the author was running out of time and scribbled down what they could. [...] Red drips onto the paper from above. [...]

Adam’s POV: 

A memory flickers like a candle wick, one of murky red water and the drip of a bathroom sink and-

Remember what I told you when we first met? [...] Recalling a memory of pink tinted water spilling over the lip of a bathroom tub, the water sloshing against his torn sneakers as he stood there with mounting horror. Tears streamed down his sore face. [...] 

We don’t know much, but from Adam’s flashbacks and dreams, I believe Clarissa committed suicide. The exact method she used is unclear (hanged in the kitchen/ bleed to death in the bathtub). Maybe she attempted against her life several times until, one day, she succeeded. What exactly she went through that lead to her bruises and a deteriorated mental health?

Firstly, I’m going to assume Larry and Clarissa met in church. Since it is said that Clarissa and her friends were religious as well and rejected those outside their religion, I think she must fall under the baptist denomination as well.

This implies Adam’s household was founded under two pillars:

Information control.

Since Clarissa and Larry rejected any input aside their religion and lifestyle, they would probably try to raise Adam away from outside influence. This includes supervised television, homeschool, etc.

This would explain why Adam has developed quiet interests over time (mainly reading) and doesn’t know many, if any, pop culture references or movies/tv shows (answered in the Official Old Tumblr account, deactivated in 2023).

His hobbies outside the home would also aim to trap Adam within the church social circle. That’s why he spent his time singing for the church chorus.

Not only was censorship promoted, but violence and persecution against "heretics" was as well. This may be partly why Adam grew up desensitized to violence.

Examples of hateful sermons in this video, also linked at the end in resources: https://youtu.be/W2I-59uDtIk.

Traditional values

I will specifically tackle the different and unequal treatment towards men and women.

Women must stay submissive to men, whether it’s their father, tutor or (and specially) their husband. As some ex-members of the church describe it: Women in church were constantly battered housewives, constantly afraid of everything. They have to ask permission for everything, even making a phone call.

Women are expected to take care of the house and the children, cradle their partners and comply to their every wish.

On the other hand, men make all the decisions and run every aspect of the house. They are in charge of finances and are encouraged to punish and correct any misbehavior. They aren’t supposed to have a sensitive side or show emotion, in hopes that compassion or emotion would cloud their judgment and prevent them from imposing their dominance.

We actually get a confirmation Adam was severely punished for crying, and it wasn’t an isolated episode:

Little Adam’s POV: He can’t get caught crying again. Not after last time. He can still remember the acrid scent of cigarette smoke and the suffocating darkness of the shed, his palms flat against the rotting floor as he waited with his head bowed. No, he’s learned his lesson too many times to count.

Both genders aren’t allowed to wear nail polish or piercings. Hair dye is also forbidden, specially since it’s a standard of feminism and the LGBTQ+ community, and those two diametrally oppose their beliefs and are seen as a threat to morality.

Power imbalance, desensitization and dogmatic thinking patterns are the perfect combination for domestic violence and cruelty.

In Clarissa’s case, she probably was often targeted due to her naturally shy and fragile nature. Softness is weakness to be taken advantage of. And retaliation is not an option.

By now, you can probably guess where this is going, but I suspect Clarissa was repeatedly abused (physically and sexually) by Larry. We’ve already seen Larry is capable and has beaten his child.

And Adam remembers his mother covered in scars and bruises, crying and begging for Adam not to turn out like his dad, and this memory surfaces the moment he’s about to masturbate.

Adam’s POV: Did his father think he’d give into his desires? Did he believe he’d grow up and become just like him?

Ruth: It’s your fault she’s gone! You’re the reason she endured everything she did. It was all for you, and yet you killed her! Your entire existence destroyed her! I told her she shouldn’t have gone through with her pregnancy, but she wouldn’t listen. What he did to her, you know that all started because of you, don’t you? But she never told you that because she wouldn’t want you to blame yourself, but you should’ve. And now? And now she’s gone because of you. You took her away. [...] You Goddamn piece of shit, you took her away, again!

According to old testament bible laws, if an unpure woman gets assaulted by a man, they shall both be punished. But… If the woman in question was a virgin, the abuser must then talk to her father and marry her to pay for the damages.

Outside the bible, abuse is excused, justified or hidden in other ways. When someone influential in the church abuses someone, the victim is met with: God uses that sexual abuse to make you grow closer to him. As if the pain and trauma was a gift to be cherished.

Prior to the abuse, women are always aware of the hungry gaze of men. They can't show any skin, for it would be their fault to cause a fellow man to stumble. Men’s desires are perceived as not their own, but an impulse women have to cater and are guilty of awakening.

At the same time, sex itself is taboo and condoned outside of marriage. Abortion is also condemned, and it’s considered a synonym of infanticide.

So women walk around scared and uninformed, surrounded by men who won’t take accountability for their lust and will force the women they find attractive to own up to their twisted behavior. Even going as far as threatening the victim to stay quiet if they don’t wish the abuser to spread how the woman came onto them instead.

Ruth points the start of things spiraling with Clarissa’s pregnancy. Several reasons could explain this.

It’s possible that Larry didn’t plan on settling down and Clarissa’s pregnancy was an unexpected inconvenience. Since he can’t be at fault for anything, Clarissa is to blame for having the baby, and, in his eyes, she should accept the violence since she’s the cause of his frustrations.

Abusers may start to show their true colors after a baby, because if they threaten the child’s safety, then the mother has no choice but to endure the abuse in order to protect their kid. Also, since they become weak and maybe even lose their jobs after giving birth, they are completely at the mercy of their husbands financially.

Moreover, homosexuality was seen as a sin. Ruth was confronted about her love for Clarissa head on, and I suspect Clarissa knew about her feelings. If not, why treasure a simple birthday gift even after years of separation and “betrayal” ? (since Ruth didn’t support Clarissa in the slightest after her pregnancy, wanting to essentially escape and rewrite everything that happened, beside things we don’t know about that are probably far worse than a hurtful comparison). I think Clarissa returned Ruth’s feelings and would’ve never willingly slept with someone else. Her shy and prude demeanor in the photo further supporting this idea she wouldn’t come onto anybody with lascivious intent.

So, in summary.

Clarissa and Ruth were in love.

Larry sexually assaulted Clarissa. There are many possibilities here. I think probably Clarissa was ashamed and manipulated. She kept quiet and “started dating” Larry. Maybe she told Ruth, or Ruth ended up discovering the true nature of her relationship with Larry after the pregnancy was announced and the violence started.

Clarissa gave birth to Adam.

When Adam was a child, Clarissa and Ruth got separated by Larry for some unknown reason. Her comments and actions probably caused a lot of problems in the marriage, hence why she got confronted directly by Larry on her crush and why she’s deadly afraid since then.

Clarissa raised Adam alone and, meaning to protect him from his dad while sustaining a sense of normalcy, as many housewives do.

Clarissa died when Adam was already grown up. Seemingly, she committed suicide, but if Adam is looking for answers to this day and has a mysterious promise to keep, maybe her departure is not that simple.

How did this affect Adam and how he navigated his childhood?

For starters, he hates the smells and flavors that remind him of his dad, like cigars and alcohol.

He also can't handle being genuinely spooked, and heavily prefers quiet past times.

He was probably told directly or indirectly how her mother’s suffering was his fault. How being born was a long life burden to her mom, and one he must atone for.

(In this context, his name is another layer of fucked up. Adam is the original sin, he alone condemned the world to an existence of suffering, all because he let his obligations aside in favor of his lover. And humanity spent the rest of eternity repenting, awaiting a forgiveness that only came in heaven, after a life of unwavering devotion to God).

He believes himself to be inherently bad. All his actions and choices aim to correct this perceived wrong that was never a wrong in the first place.

Adam has a clear distaste of his father and grows up in fear he’s bound to become "just like him". I think this is where his rebellious nature comes in, questioning the word of God and the sociocultural perspective his parents feed him. Specially when he’s a first witness of hypocrisy, lies and irreversible harm.

Going back to the beginning, Clarissa probably nurtured Adam and shared with him the few happy memories he can recall from childhood. He wanted to make her happy and make life easy for her.

Adam’s POV: He’s never cared much for extravagant things despite people always offering them left and right. He was taught to never want them, to never accept anything beyond his means, something he holds onto to this day.

Notice the phrasing. He doesn’t say “I never liked that kind of thing” he specified he was taught to not want them.

You can’t be taught “unwant” something. You can be conditioned to reject something, tho. 

You can be taught to believe your wants and needs are immoral, and your objective is to suppress and act directly against them.

When punitive, shaming or guilt-tripping is applied to reframe the very nature of our innocent desires, that function as our inner drive and guide to our sense of self, we lose touch with who we are. Taking pride or shame in committing to the role, while suppressing any emotion, locked as unacceptable and disgusting.

Even if his mom loved him, she indoctrinated him to a certain extent and made him believe he can't trust his desires because they're intrinsically bad, even if she did it with good intentions. Adam is a bad seed and can only aim to "do the right thing" by sticking to her memory. That's why he sees her as this vengeful spirit, there's a duality within him.

This leads to a complete disconnect of the emotional self. You grow numb and uninterested, dedicating your focus to "performing at a high standard" and blowing off some steam in a controlled environment. How? By directing your inner rage towards the outside world. You see yourself in this filthy scum, and if you don't deserve to live, they should die for not being able to control themselves.

That's Adam's life. Guided by an Old Testament of rules too outdated for him to grow, but too engraved on his skin for him to set himself free. The only feelings available are "reward" and anger.

Despite going on tour after tour, Adam's world remains small; the same as when he was little.

That's when YOU come in.

It's not about the kiss itself. It's about the novelty. An unexpected (but pleasurable) occurrence that put his status quo upside down.

The lore alarms went crazy the moment YOU mention, you remember Clarissa, but can’t recall from where. Sure, it’s certainly possible that she reminded you of Adam, since they look alike, therefore explaining the sense of déjà vu. But let’s recall Ruth and Clarissa have been close friends since high school, at least. Maybe YOU met Clarissa when YOU were little. And not only her. Adam too. It’s been said multiple times in the official Twitter/X account that Adam managed to handle his sexual desires just fine until YOU came around, and not just because you kissed him. It’s like something about YOU specifically ignites something within Adam, and given the context, it’s very likely YOU and HIM met a long time ago and just don’t recognize one another, because you both changed a lot growing up. Ruth even says she only picked up on Adam’s identity due to his pendant. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have a clue who he was.

Regardless, his sexual attraction awakened a hidden side of himself. A vulnerable, sincere and needy fraction of his identity, which holds the key to solving his inner turmoil.

If he lets himself explore this part of him, it might be a strong enough catalyst to help him open up to other areas of his life.

I believe that's the deeper reason behind Adam's fixation on bondage specifically.

He wants to experience all these new pleasurable sensations, but he feels too guilty to do so. Being forced into it gives the conscious mind an excuse."You're restrained." There's someone else in control. It takes the blame off what you're feeling, so you may indulge in your secret desires.

If he sees nothing bad happens after the fact, he may allow himself to unwind in other ways and find himself again. The tender parts of him he abandoned a long time ago.

It would be naive to believe he can be completely redeemed after killing people. But I sincerely believe he's a sweetie at heart, and I hope he has the best outcome possible. But if the narrative demands otherwise (which is very likely, lmao)... welcome the angst and long live fanfiction, am I right?😭🔪💜

So, what do you think? AND WHAT’S THE MEANING OF Anthemis cotula !? 🌼 We’ll never now.

I can’t write a longer theory because all those extra juicy facts and snippets for the upcoming chapter are on the patreon. You can find the link on the twitter of the game. Please, support the creator if you're able.

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments. I wish all your hopes will manifest in real life soon. Good night and sweet dreams, everyone.🌙🪄

Lovely commission by @you-and-him

RESOURCES:

Tennessee demographics: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Tennessee 

Evangelicalism: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evangelicalism 

Southern Baptist Church:

https://youtu.be/bPZTP9_0mbI

https://youtu.be/6gSjUpBxVEU 

Trans person infiltrates hate church: https://youtu.be/W2I-59uDtIk

[bethanydelleman]

Do you consider Caroline being called a “pick me” in modern terms reductive/inaccurate

No. I shall explain. Also, ug this term is horrible but this does actually come up a lot so I'll get into it.

Here is the top definition of a "pick me" girl from Urban Dictionary:

A pick-me girl is a girl who seeks male validation by indirectly or directly insinuating that she is “not like the other girls.” Basically a female version of a simp. Characteristics of a pick-me girl: lets men walk all over her because of her “CaReFrEE” demeanor, only hangs out with men because they’re “unproblematic”, exerts qualities/characteristics of her male counterparts that were not initially present to be more likable and relatable to them, etc.

Firstly, Caroline attempts to accuse Elizabeth of being a "pick me" girl

“Eliza Bennet,” said Miss Bingley, when the door was closed on her, “is one of those young ladies who seek to recommend themselves to the other sex by undervaluing their own; and with many men, I daresay, it succeeds; but, in my opinion, it is a paltry device, a very mean art.” “Undoubtedly,” replied Darcy, to whom this remark was chiefly addressed, “there is meanness in all the arts which ladies sometimes condescend to employ for captivation. Whatever bears affinity to cunning is despicable.”

But back to Caroline. I don't think Caroline fits the modern definition because she does not set herself apart by claiming to be different from other women, her argument seems to be more that she's An Ideal Woman. Her criticism of Elizabeth's muddy walk is, "I, a proper woman, would never do that (neither would your well-mannered sister)." She tries to demonstrate that she's more elegant than Elizabeth by walking around the room together. We know that she has a fancy education and many accomplishments. We never see her play herself off as a tomboy or engage in male activities.

Mary Bennet is probably the strongest candidate for a "pick me" girl:

To this, Mary very gravely replied, “Far be it from me, my dear sister, to depreciate such pleasures. They would doubtless be congenial with the generality of female minds. But I confess they would have no charms for me. I should infinitely prefer a book.” (emphasis author's)

but she also doesn't have that aspect that engages in male pursuits.

Some people accuse Elizabeth Bennet of being a "pick me" girl because of this quote:

“My beauty you had early withstood, and as for my manners—my behaviour to you was at least always bordering on the uncivil, and I never spoke to you without rather wishing to give you pain than not. Now, be sincere; did you admire me for my impertinence?” “For the liveliness of your mind I did.” “You may as well call it impertinence at once. It was very little less. The fact is, that you were sick of civility, of deference, of officious attention. You were disgusted with the women who were always speaking, and looking, and thinking for your approbation alone. I roused and interested you, because I was so unlike them. Had you not been really amiable you would have hated me for it: but in spite of the pains you took to disguise yourself, your feelings were always noble and just; and in your heart you thoroughly despised the persons who so assiduously courted you.

However, Elizabeth was not trying to attract Darcy at all, she was borderline rude and acted unlike other girls because she genuinely disliked him. This was not a tactic.

Therefore, Pride & Prejudice contains zero "pick me" girls!