#there's still hurt

[lollaika]

Chapter 7 of The Agony is here!!!!

After half a year of difficulty finding the time and the creative energy to write, finally Chapter 7 is finished!! Featuring Season 4 happenings and Eddie's slow descent into a closer orbit around Steve. Excerpt below the readmore.

I am so happy with how it turned out and I want to thank @cuips-not-cute for all the support he gave me and all the effort he put in his drawings for this fic. I couldn't have done it without you, so from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!!! <3

“You know you don’t have to do it. Give me that alibi, I mean.”

“I know.” Steve’s voice is flat. Two little words don’t allow for a lot of inflection, but there’s usually emphasis, anyway. Eddie had made a study of it, how many different ways you could say a word and have it change meaning because of it. He can’t read any meaning into Steve’s, though. Maybe tiredness.

“Then why do it?” He doesn’t know why he asks. Maybe the silence is getting to him, maybe he wants a distraction, maybe he just wants to listen to Steve more, to get him to talk as long as he needs to let out some kind of emotion.

“Because the best lie is telling a truth different from the one asked for. I thought you roleplaying types knew that.”

“Us roleplaying types. Right, cause we’re all the same.” He’s poking the bear, provoking, annoying. The coffee is still warm in his hands and the kitchen is cozy and well lit. Chrissy hovers in his thoughts.

“Yeah, you are. Kinda like us jocks are all the same.”

Eddie’s not used to being called out. He’s the oldest, the leader, undisputed, unfought. He thinks back to yesterday evening, to the last session of his Vecna campaign that by now seems to have happened months ago. Steve had made the same point then, too. Had said that it was Eddie reinforcing the stereotypes, keeping up the boundaries of artificial categorization into social cliques. He wasn’t wrong. It sucks to admit. But the memory reminds him that he hasn’t seen one of his new sheep for the last two days.

“What about Sinclair? If Henderson and Wheeler are involved in this, he’s involved, too, I guess?”

Steve nods. “Both of them,” he says. “Lucas got involved in ‘83 when it started, ‘cause you know Will went missing and the twerps couldn’t let it lie. And thank God they didn’t. I hate that they had to do it, but I shudder to think of what would have happened if they’d given up. We told him yesterday, and he’s chosen to stay with Jason, so he can make sure Jason doesn’t start doing stupid stuff, like going to search for a murderer he won’t find. And then Erica joined in ‘85 for the mall. Was in the Russian base with Dustin, Robin, and me. Great spatial memory retention. I wish I’d kept her out of it. Wish I’d kept Dustin out, too, but he’s the one who found the original transmission, so that would’ve been a lost cause.”

So, this is the way to get Steve to talk. Of course, it is. Even if Eddie had disbelieved the reports of a barbarian Steve Harrington – and shame on him for that – it had been plain from the way the kids talked about him that Steve genuinely loved them, each of them. Which is why Eddie does what he does best. He doubles down.

“God, I can imagine, he’s like a dog with a bone, that one. I’ve never met a child more insistent on getting their way than him.”

“Yeah,” there’s a soft little smile on Steve’s lips. Eddie wants to keep it there. “Only one who wins against him solo is Erica and that's because she’s a terror. Never ever make a deal with her, because she’s going to take you for all you’re worth and not feel a whit of guilt about it.”

“Awesome kids, though.”

“The best.”

There are deeper things they could talk about, more important things too, things that have accumulated between them in dried blood and corpses, in open wounds and broken spirits. But it’s just as warming as the coffee is, to see Steve open up a bit more, to see him light up from within, see his eyes start to shine, recalling memories with extreme fondness. Eddie doesn’t dare change the topic.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Thistle Debut Day!

[wolfythewitch]

Jon and Tim doodles

[wasyago]

tango doodles

first you make up a guy and then you struggle to draw him correctly

[batbabydamian]

wondered when exactly Damian started casually chatting with his hallucinations of Alfred in Robin (2021)

figured isolating himself in a dark tower carrying pictures of Alfred and the weight of his death would do the trick! (Detective Comics (2016) #1032)

[ricesinspo]

☆ — "i care about you" (without actually saying it). by @ricesinspo, tag me if using!

— ☆ —

"close your eyes. maybe it might make things a little easier."

"i'm sorry i don't know how to help." they sit next to you. "i'm here if you need anything."

love languages!! learning which ones you enjoy receiving and using them

always going out of their way to make you feel loved / wanted.

to be loved is to be seen

sending random pictures of things that remind them of you. bonus if it doesn't make any sense

little greetings. daily. first thing in the morning.

periodically checking in, especially when you least expect it.

helping you do chores when you're too tired

— ☆ —

[knightofleo]

Angela Orosco Silent Hill 2

[shushmal]

okay but a like post-series fic i want that's like: steve harrington being the only man left in hawkins fighting monsters

and not like a 'everyone died, last man standing' way but just. they beat it back, the story ends, nice little tie-up and neatly concluded, eleven loses her powers because their world is completely cut from the other. and life goes on. eddie (yes, eddie lives au don't fight me) goes off with his band, robin-nancy-jargyle off to separate cities for college. the kids go to high school, graduate high school, and scatter across the country. joyce and hop buy a beach house far-far-far away from goddamn hawkins indiana.

steve though. steve stays. he does it too without comment, takes all their calls telling him all these amazing things. the years pass. the calls are fewer and far between. he's mostly in contact with only dustin and robin. except robin's out of country doing some crazy temp job in some remote country, she never catches him at home right now so just leaves him messages. and it takes a couple of weeks for dustin to realize he hasn't gotten steve on the phone.

frantically he calls around "have you heard from steve???" except the most people talk to steve anymore is like phone calls during holidays and holy shit what could have happened??

and what if it's back?

cue everyone who can in that moment, rushing back. eddie hopping on a flight from fucking london direct to indianapolis somehow, heart in his throat. he manages to meet hopper in the airport and they pick up max and dustin at the bus station.

they get to hawkins that is even more different that what they left. a smaller town, a town that shuts down completely when the sun sets. it's creepy and deserted.

except for the fucking upside down monsters of course.

and they're in their stupid little rental in front of this demogorgon and they're screaming but then the thing just goes splat on the concrete and steve fucking harrington is blinking owlishly at them.

"Oh, hey guys!" he calls jogging up to the driver's side window. "Wow, what brought you back down this way? You should have told me, I would have told you about the curfew!"

turns out steve just forgot to pay his phone bill that month, didn't even realize he was missing calls and he's been fighting monsters the entire time because actually they WEREN'T cut off from the upside down at all and he's just been casually fighting monsters for the remaining hawkins residence—the whole town knows now and steve's the guy you call when you have a monster problem

sidebar: WAYNE still lives in hawkins, and he and steve are best friends, eddie munson you are gonna LOSE YOUR MIND

[reds-skull]

My mom named one of the street cats she feeds Tommy, so I thought to myself, "what if..."

[bigfatbreak]

How does nooroo feel about Tom in your villian dad au?

After initial introductions, Tom basically thinks Nooroo is a figment of his imagination and a testament to his mind crumbling from the grief of losing Sabine. Nooroo gets an inside look on what really matters to tom, though

Tom uses the butterfly miraculous not for himself, but for the benefit of his daughter. The vengeance he's trying to take on "Hawkmoth" isn't quite as simple as "you're responsible for the death of my wife," it stems from a very, very different source - which makes Nooroo more sympathetic to helping him.

He's still not thrilled, but, Marinette and Tom are so kind to him, he really can't find it in himself to complain.

[thewiglesswonder]

"NO, I WANT TO KILL HIM!"

[obsob]

love is stored in the parallel play

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Council of lovefools.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[saucefunk]

CONTROL YOURSELF

[tubbytarchia]

Missed drawing these two too

Bonuses