#there’s one that’s like 45% I think but it’s exclusive to a bar

[nyaa]

This is the highest proof vtuber liquor I’ve been able to find. It’s 40% alcohol.

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

Bunker Babe: The First Fourteen Days

I'm combining Weeks One & Two since Week Two was all about giving the GREMLINS trait to the lot for the HANDINESS grind, and days blended together verrrrry easily. But Lilac survived. Ish.

See?

On Day One, our plucky heroine started with a CHAIR, a TRASH CAN and a TOILET - and some fruitcake that she'd snatched from Leslie Holland and the rest of the 'welcoming' committee.

Turns out that fruitcake is a 'like,' which is fortunate as guess what we'll be eating exclusively for the next four days? Looks like three things have the capacity to survive MOTHER: cockroaches, Lilac... and fruitcake.

Many terrible selfies later, Lilac was able to afford a KNITTING BASKET. While wearable items can only be sold over Plopsy, the animal clothing (some of which you can start crafting right from Level 1) can be sold directly from your inventory. And Lilac needed those simoleons - stat.

Level Three KNITTING and ART LOVER self-discovery? Acquired. Considering how she'll be making most of her simoleons, that's one of the more useful traits she could have.

Oh, and one of MOTHER'S children said hello.

By Day Two Lilac's hygiene needs were already in the amber, but the Watcher thought that loneliness could eventually get her first. So the new objects acquired? A BED aaand a MINI-GOAT.

We named her Gouda Girl.

On the third day in hiding the Watcher gave to me... one MINI FRIDGE and a Vladdy visit for freeeee...

(Actually the Watcher had nothing to do with Vlad.)

While Lilac was asleep, I got his usual creepwalk message but thought nothing more of it - at least until the fastforward sleep speed slowed back down to regular time and I heard the usual sounds of sizzling and screaming.

S'up Grim.

Since Lilac had no interaction with him at all and didn't even register his demise (maybe he can't find your Sim if they're in the basement), there were no sad moodlets and she simply continued knitting and keeping up her social bar with Gouda Girl.

Gouda Girl can also be milked for 45 simoleons each day, and thus will pay for herself in no time. Beyond her companionship, which of course is priceless.

Day Four and this was around the time where the Watcher discovered that Lilac's energy bar was refilling way too slowly. Yes, her mattress was cheap but she was sleeping for 10 hours at a time and still only recovering about a third of her bar. The Watcher sold the old bed, cheated her a better one - and yet the problem persisted.

It could be the LAZY trait, but I've never had that issue with other LAZY Sims before - or Lilac other times that I've played her.

Since bunker life is already boring enough without watching a Sim sleep for 20 hours, I simply resolved to use the 'make happy' cheat every other day until her HANDINESS would be at a high enough level to upgrade the mattress (thus Week Two Gremlins).

And it was on this day that Lilac consumed the last of the fruitcake.

By then she was getting major moodlets for too many fast meals, but Gouda Girl made everything better.

The two big gets of the day were a ROCKING CHAIR and a KITCHEN BENCH, so Lilac was finally able to prep some proper food. Ish.

Ah, the bliss of low poly salad...

Oh, and on Day Three I think Lilac acquired a SINK. No shower yet, but queuing the 'wash hands' interaction did restore a lot of her hygiene bar.

Day Five and well - what a great whim for this challenge.

She's like 'yes, see this here? I'm the smartest Sim you ever had...'

More knitting, while Mei Prescott kindly came by to mourn Vlad, much to the delight of the garden gnomes.

The bat came back, the very next day...

He came, he haunted his own urn, he cried. Lilac kept on knitting and skill grinding.

Since Lilac was getting major embarrassed moodlets from purchasing all of her low poly salad ingredients due to the FREEGAN trait, the Watcher bought two of those VERTICAL PLANTERS from Eco Lifestyle. Sure, the regular pots would have been cheaper, but soon we will be crunched for space.

Oh, and on Day Seven we acquired a WORKBENCH.

Skills: Week One

LEVEL 8: Knitting LEVEL 3: Programming (acquired from the Watcher needing to unless MOTHER) LEVEL 2: Photography, Handiness, Cooking LEVEL 1: Gardening, Logic (likewise acquired for MOTHER)

Items Acquired

KNITTING BASKET, BED, MINI GOAT, MINI FRIDGE, SINK, ROCKING CHAIR, KITCHEN BENCH, VERTICAL PLANTERS (x2), STRAWBERRY, BASIL AND SOY PLANTS

Week Two was the exciting addition of a SHOWER - less so once Lilac realised that the Watcher had likely purchased it just to give her more things to repair once the witching hour struck.

I couldn't spare Lilac or myself from the grind, but I may as well spare you. Let's get on with it, then.

Because Lilac's energy bar was refilling so slowly, in spite of my use of cheats this week was just a vicious cycle of sleep, repair, repeat. Even with a decent mattress that was fully upgraded, it was taking her eight hours to refill her energy bar from halfway - in comparison to the three hours that Andie Mae and Paolo Rocca in another save need for a cheaper upgraded mattress.

Skills: Week Two

LEVEL 9: Knitting LEVEL 8: Handiness LEVEL 4: Gardening LEVEL 3: Cooking, Programming LEVEL 2: Photography, Singing LEVEL 1: Logic, Fitness

Items Acquired

SHOWER, LAPTOP (she swiped the basic one from upstairs), VERTICAL PLANTER (3 in total), TABLE TOP LIGHT, WALL LIGHT, FEAR OF FAILURE, FEAR OF DEATH, GHOST!VLADDY

With this being the only save that's currently playable, I'm running through Week Three fairly quickly, so see you soon.

[acreaturecalledgreed]

i think, other than the prevalence of often unchecked white supremacy in these communities, i finally realized what it is about so many american norse heathens that gets so under my skin

its that majority of them dont give a shit about the current cultures that are in scandinavia

sure you read the edda like 15 times but do you know literally anything about norway? sweden? denmark? who lives there? what its like there? 

you “corrected” me for “incorrectly” calling christmas Jul, but do you not realize that in scandinavia many old pagan norse traditions have long since fused with christianity? that in norway, christmas is a one to two week long affair that is collectively called Jul? do you not realize that? 

you want to reclaim your culture but have you put in the effort to learn anything about it other than an american filtered pile of exclusively ancient traditions? did you double and triple check that those things have not been twisted and co-opted by nazis? are you loud and vocal in making that space unwelcome to them? 

im sorry that over generations this country stole all this from you to force your family into cohesive, identityless Whiteness

and you shouldnt be barred from trying to reconnect to your culture. its a good thing. i want you to. and honestly i dont think anyone should need to be of norse descent to get to be a part of it. 

but it is always going to leave a bad taste in my mouth when you approach it with some kind of mindset that you, american obsessing exclusively over ancient norse history, act like you are in some way More Accurately And Truly Norse than the actual literal people living in scandinavia today 

and there is a personal aspect to it as well, one i know a lot of ppl can understand

this country is extremely xenophobic and no, xenophobia is not the same as racism, though they often do overlap i am very much a white person, i have never and will never had to deal with any racism

i am a very privileged person; im a white person who grew up upper middle class with a loving and generous family, and this is in no way denying that 

but i am a norwegian person who grew up in america who faced the brunt end of a lot of xenophobia

peers who mocked me when i tried to share traditions and cultures, who told me i was weird or gross

id come home crying the first years after we moved here, embarrassed that i was norwegian, because that made me Different and Bad and Weird

people who spoke to my mother like an idiot because she has an accent, who wanted to “borrow” her bunad, the cultural dress she got fucking married in, to wear to a fucking costume party, who talked so often to her about how Glad they were that she got the Privilege to move to America and away from such a Poor country like norway when she didnt even want to leave her home at the age 45 and only left because my father had to go back to the states

people who were outright harsh and cruel to us for literally no reason other than we Weren’t American Enough (and for that matter, ive had to deal with it on the other end to- Norwegians telling me im stupid and ignorant because Im American and im Not Norwegian Enough, it makes me want to tear all my hair out and scream) it makes me

so bitter

to see those same people who i know were xenophobic to my family b/c we did not fit exactly into American Whiteness now hyper consume and wear norse paganism with pride and in the same breath tell me that i am being norse Wrong

i want to make clear that i am not crying appropriation. i genuinely feel i dont have the right to.

but i am asking for some kind of self awareness and respect 

PS. if anyone comes in here trying to act like you must be white to be norse i will break every limb you have and drop you in a ditch to burn that is nazi shit we dont do that here. we love and support norse pagans of color and if you are not putting in an effort to make them feel safe among white peers, you need to fix that.

[bigscaryd]

OK so here's the romcom.

Cold open, it's a dinner date, obviously not the first, very cute. We cut to the same couple in bed, very PG postcoital, mid-talk about where they're going:

W: I haven't even been single a year. Are you OK keeping it casual?

M: Of course, of course. I'm happy with whatever of your time I get.

W: Though... Maybe brunch next Sunday?

M: Brunch? Won't you have...

W: Yeah. I think you should meet them, before we talk about "serious" or "exclusive."

M: [huge smile] Can't wait.

CREDITS OVER: M in the predawn light, getting dressed, morning shot of him at his airy, modern apartment getting changed to work clothes, having coffee, working at semi-creative office job. Montage of looking away from work to text with someone, very flirty. Show morning routine at his home to show 2-3 days pass. Last text is "Nettle & Oak 5:45?"

TITLE CARD: THE NEXT STEP

Cut to M at nice but not ritzy pub-style bar. Another man, D, comes in, M glances up, obviously happy. They kiss. No audible dialogue over them having a couple of drinks.

M: Another? Grab dinner?

D: [rueful laugh] I'd love to, but I have the kids this week. Only asked you out because my mom decided she wanted to pick 'em up and have "grandma time."

M: which means "they're about 90% sugar by volume," that what you said last time?

D: Yeah, toothbrush time can't wait, no matter how much I'd like it to.

M: [paying bill] I'll walk with you.

Cut to M&D on stoop of townhouse, both reluctant for short date to end. Two heads pop out of second floor window, S&B, a pair of tweens - close in age but not twins.

B: [slightly teasingly] heeeey Mr. M.

M: [resignedly] Just call me M, B.

S: Come inside! GRANDMA MADE COOOOOKIESSSS!!!

D: One cookie?

M: One cookie.

Cut to: Mid-morning in suburb. M gets out of car, dressed nice-casual, with a small bouquet. This is the brunch date. Sees W and comes to her table, she gives him a peck and takes a deep breath and

W: M, guys, you've both heard about each other and I thought we could all meet up and say hello and [obviously getting flustered- introducing kids to your BF is hard]

Camera swings around to show a look of stunned confusion on M, edging towards horror, and then to S&B, her giggling, him agog.

B: [very quietly] Mr. M?

W: [still lost in trying to phrase this introduction without talking about sex or use the word "casual"]

[namuneulbo]

week one hundred and one

im not sure how i should write out the week numbers anymore.

this week had two,,,, main events? good news, bad news.

lets start w the bad news.

c and w are a thing... not exclusive but a little bird (cs friend) has come to me (through l) w the information that theyve hooked up. tbh theyre a better match probably and yk,,, ive been mentally preparing for this for the past week so like,,, i didnt take it too harshly bc i had already gotten out most of my emotions by then. in a way its almost a bit of a relief, i was so nervous around him all the time.

good news! l is matchmaking me and es friend. it was such a random thing too bc me, c, i and l were having a tortilla night at is place and bereal went off and while scrolling through everyones bereals i casually told l like "lol es friends kinda hot" (LIKE I USUALLY DO BC IM NOT EMBARRASSED AB FINDING OTHERS HOT SO IM USUALLY QUITE OPEN WHEN I SEE SOMEONE ATTRACTIVE) but after like 45 mins or so l just goes "es friend asked for ur number"... literally so? i had no idea l had even told e but they then explained it and it was like funny and shocking and scary and cool and exciting all at the same time. i asked if e showed a pic of me to him so he knows what hes working w and l said they assumed so but theyd ask e to be sure. we get a reply once were at the bar and l just shows me her phone screen w the message: "he said shes so cute".

so im in a new era guys!!!!!! hes really cute though. really nice smile and luscious black hair down to his shoulders, a nice little beard and slutty glasses (yk,,, the ones slutty men wear). we dont know too much ab him bc its a v new friend of es but we know hes a music producer and around 24 (WHICH is a littleeee too old but its doable, five years i can work with but if he ends up being even older i think ill have to decline TT) but im excited to see whatll happen w this lol so random.

sotw: leathermouth - leviathan

[softyoongiionly]

BlackHeart Bakery

Who says Halloween can’t be romantic?

Pairing: Emo! Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Genre: fluff

A/N: HI OMG IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE. I love you, I hope you like it. I’m sorry it isn’t longer but, I still can’t wait for you to read it.

-you never imagined that the quirky lil bakery down the street from your university would change your life  

-But it did

-“Omg shut up, you’re so dumb.”

-“Rawr xD”

-“Did you just say rawr xD out loud??? That totally defeats the purpose of its existence...”

-“Don’t cite the deep magic to me witch, I was there when it was written.”

-“And now you’re quoting the chronicles of narnia- alright just go back to sleep you big dummy...”

-“Mmm but you married a big dummy so what does that say about you”

-“Jungkook don't spoil it oh my god!”

-“Like they don’t know what’s coming already- spoiler alert losers! I get the girl.”

-“I hate you...”

-“Mm yeah- I love it when you talk dirty to me baby. The last time you said that- we ended up fuc-“

-“Ok! That’s enough! Our story begins...”

-Jungkook’s bakery was quite famous around your city

-If people didn’t come for the gaudy Halloween decorations  

-They came for the music  

-Exclusively pop punk, if you’re wondering

-It was like 2009 everyday  

-Which was comforting, considering the world has gotten a little

-Tricky

-Since then

-But anyways

-If they didn’t come for the music or the decorations

-They came for the AMAZING espresso  

-And the spooky themed treats

-But if you’re being honest

-You think the main thing that keeps them coming back

-Is Jungkook  

-If his sweeping black hair didn’t get you

-Or the adorable cheeky twinkle in his eyes

-It was the tattoos and the piercings  

-He looked like he walked right off of a black veil brides music video set  

-He was hot

-This was obvious

-But he didn’t seem to think so

-You had come to the conclusion that he was oblivious  

-he shoved his feet into his big black doc martens every morning  

-Slipped on his beaded bracelets and studded chokers

-Pulled his fall out boy t-shirt over his

-Massive

-Tattooed

-Biceps

-And just thought hm

-I’m pretty average I guess (lol)

-That’s a direct quote from him btw

-Men truly are hopeless

-Jungkook opened the bakery two years ago

-He had mentioned to you that he had saved up money from his 3 part time jobs to put a down payment on the building  

-Which was wedged between a sex shop

-And a thrift store

-And honestly his bakery

-Blackheart Bakery, if you’re being specific  

-Fits right in

-Jungkook refuses to hire new staff

-“They won’t do it right.” He whined to you one day

-“One time I tried to hire this guy and he put the sugared googly eyes on the cookie skeletons ALL WRONG”

-“How do you put googly eyes on wrong?” You had giggled

-“you just do- i- See? This is exactly why I can’t hire anyone...”

-You had started chewing on the end of your pencil in the midst of your laughter

-It was an unconscious habit

-And it makes Jungkook shift uncomfortably, his hands moving off of the top of your table

-“Don’t do that...” he had muttered, smirking to himself as he walked back behind the counter  

-he did that a lot

-He’d mutter something  

-Mildly flirtatious under his breath and then  

-Just walk away

-It was quite confusing

-But honestly you had a feeling he was just a filrty person  

-You certainly weren’t the only girl he smirked at

-Not that you pay attention

-Ok  

-Maybe you do  

-Kinda  

-Pay attention  

-but it’s not your fault!!!!  

-You just  

-Can’t help but feel a little jealous

-You kiiiiiinda have a little thing for him

-Ok

-Maybe it’s a big thing  

-Maybe it’s a massive

-Gigantic

-Towering  

-Crush  

-But look at him!!!

-You simply couldn’t be blamed

-It was his fault  

-Yep

-That’s what you’re going with

-It was Jungkook

-And his tight t shirts

-His ripped jeans

-His dangly earrings

-His tattoos

-His big

-Stupid boots

-Ugh ok

-Focus  

-You have work to do

-The whole reason you began coming to Jungkook's cafe was so you -could find a consistent place to study for your exams

-You were in school to become a teacher :)  

-And teachers have to study very very hard  

-Educating the youth is no easy feat  

-Jungkook had asked what you were studying during the first week you arrived at his spooky house of baked goods

-“Oh I’m an education major”

-“Ahh so you’re getting an education about...education.” He concludes

-“I love it.”

-“So meta.”

-“Are they educating you on the disparities between impoverished children and wealthier children?”

-His wide eyes were brimming with genuine curiosity  

-You kind of got a kick out of how candid he was about such heavy conversation topics

-“Not as much as they should be but, I’m actually writing a paper on a similar topic right now...”

-This caused a brilliant grin to come over his face

-It was almost blinding really

-And it made your heartbeat all wonky  

-“Of course you are. You look smart like that...”

-He had backed away from your table then, seemingly satisfied

-Had you passed the vibe check?

-“I’ll leave you to your paper.” He nodded to your laptop but as he walked away, he pivoted back towards you on and the heel of his combat boot, “welcome to Blackheart Bakery by the way, let me know if I can get you anything.”

-Another brilliant smile is sent your way  

-“Thank you.” You had smiled back, sending a tiny wave his way

-Which in turn, made HIS heartbeat all wonky  

-You’re cute

-Like really cute

-And despite how often it may seem like his eyes are elsewhere

-They are ALWAYS on you

-Every chance he gets he is glancing your way

-Smirking to himself at how endearing you are

-Brow furrowed

-Lips pouted in concentration  

-Completely oblivious to his gaze

-He has to remind himself to look away  

-He doesn’t want to be a creep

-“Creepy men deserved to get kicked in the teeth...”

-He’s said this to you before when another patron had made you uncomfortable

-Jungkook kicked him out immediately  

-“If you don’t leave, I’ll have no choice but to kick you in the teeth. One, because I can’t compromise my personal philosophy and two because you’re making my favorite customer uncomfortable.”

-Oh look there goes your heartbeat again

-WONKY

-The guy leaves in an angry rush, flipping Jungkook off in the process

-Saying something about leaving a bad Yelp review  

-He doesn’t care tho

-He definitely doesn’t want to be a creep

-You’re just so  

-Pretty

-Ugh

-He rolls his eyes at himself behind the espresso bar

-The latte in front of him neglected  

-In need of a bit of foam

-“Focus Jeon, she’s just a chick...”

No wait

-“She’s just a woman. A woman who I respect, like I respect all women...”

-He’s been watching a lot of feminist theory on YouTube

-He likes staying educated  

-And also fuck the patriarchy

-The man waiting for his drink has arched a brow at this point, wondering if his barista has lost his mind

-“Uhhh medium...” he checks the cup for his awful hand writing, “ghostly toasted marshmallow latte!”

-“Thanks.” The guy mutters, throwing a judging look Jungkook's way  

-He gives him a lazy salute as the guy struts away with a briefcase in tow

-“Thaaanks.” Jungkook mocks him, his face scrunching up in annoyance  

-Stupid man

-With his stupid briefcase  

-As Jungkook is pulling out a batch of cream cheese frosting stuffed pumpkin muffins  

-Or as Jungkook calls them

-PUNK-in Muffins

-Movement at the counter catches his eye

-is that

-”oh shit...” He grunts, hastily wiping his hands on his apron and rushing over to the counter

-normally he would meander

-stroll

-or even slump to greet any new guests at this hour

-and by this hour

-he means 45 minutes before closing

-Jungkook’s bakery is open til midnight on weeknights

-9pm on Sundays

-and 3am on Saturdays (for the culture of course, gotta keep it spooky)

-tonight happens to be a Friday night and the person awaiting his assistance is

-you

-”You’re still here?” He gawks, the black polish on his nails glimmering as he punches in a few keys on the register

-You offer him a tired and slightly amused smile, “No. Y/N died around 4:30, you’re speaking to her ghost. Please leave your message after the tone.”

-Jungkook cracks a smile, his palms resting on flat on the counter, “Do ghosts check their voicemails?”

-“Oh of course not but, I will be checking yours because you have access to caffeine.”

-Jungkook laughs

-no...he giggles  

-and it’s fucking cute

-but you digress

-“I feel like I should cut you off...this is your 4th latte; I’m pretty sure you’re 80% caffeine at this point...”

-“Noooo, don’t do that.” You whine slumping against the counter, “I just need to finish this one page...”

-He quirks a brow as he scribbles something on your cup, unimpressed with your statement, “You said that three hours ago. I’ll make you another one but I’m not putting an extra shot in.”

-Your face turns up in protest but he click his tongue against his teeth , shaking a manicured finger at you

-“Ah ah- nope. I don’t want to hear it. You either take that or I’m making you a hot chocolate and shutting the buildings power off.”

-With a dramatic sigh, you concede

-“Ugh fine. Here-” You go to hand him your debit card but he shakes his head

-“Put that away.”

-You want to protest but given the fact that he’s made the rules thus far during this interaction, you doubt you’d be able to stop him.

-A smile appears on your face then, appreciative of his generosity

-“Thank you.”

-He merely grins, waving you off before rolling up the sleeves of his black Blink 182 shirt

-as soon as his tattoos are out

-all the moisture leaves your mouth

-you try your hardest not to stare at him

-expertly, he eases the espresso shots into the milk, tongue poking between his lips in concentration

-and you

-being sleep-deprived

-and a little loopy

-decide to  

-flirt????????

-if you could even call it that

-which you could but you shouldn’t

-“For the record, when I finally dig my way out of this of mountain of death I’m stuck in, I will definitely take you up on that hot chocolate...”

-Jungkook’s brow quirks at the tone of your voice, his hands suddenly itching with nerves

-was that

-was that flirty?

-should he flirt back?

-“My hot chocolate is legendary. You won’t be disappointed.” His lips display a small grin as he places the lid atop your finished latte, “Also mountain of death is a great name and I WILL be stealing it.”

-You giggle

-again

-“and I WILL be suing you for copyright.”

-He laughs now, wiping up the bit of milk he spilled

-the sinewy muscles in his forearm tensing and untensing

“Good luck getting me to show up to court.”

-and that’s kinda how it was between you and Jungkook

-for like six months

-it was a little bit flirty but never anything to push either over you over the edge.

-and speaking of being on edge

-recently, you had gone from vacationing in your timeshare on the edge

-to signing a 35 year mortgage contract  

-4 bedrooms

-2.5 bathrooms

-of pure

-unrelenting

-stress

-you could feel it in the middle of your back

-shoving itself up between your shoulder blades

-your body seemed to ache with it

-the worst part being

-it was Halloween

-You should be out with your friends, having fun

-wearing itchy costumes and drinking sugary drinks

-but instead, your headed towards the bakery to work

-Jungkook was behind the counter, smiling happily at a family dressed like the cast of scooby doo

-from what you could see he was wearing a skeleton onesie

-his jet black hair tousled perfectly above his head

-he looked adorable

-(and hot)

-He notices you instantly, his face turning up in surprise

-you offer up a small wave and head over to your table

-you know he’s going to say something about you being there but

-you don’t really have much of a choice

-this work has to be done

-it takes him a second to spot you but when he does

-he seems to perk up

-his smile brightening as he looks back towards his customer

-as you’re setting everything up, you feel a presence (not the spooky kind) at the end of your table

-it’s Jungkook and he has your regular order in one hand, along with something wrapped in skeleton-patterned parchment paper

-“I know, I know.” You acknowledge before he’s even able to chide you for being here

-He smirks “What are you doing studying on the holiest day of the year??”

-You giggle

-“The holiest day of the year huh?”

-“Of course. Halloween is the one night a year that the homies can dress like total -sluts and no one can say anything about it.”

-This makes you giggle again

-“And you went with slutty skeleton huh? I love it- it’s like as naked as you can possibly get.”

-He chuckles, gesturing to his costume

-His floppy black hair getting in his face

-“Damn right baby.”

-The way he grins tells you the pet name is a joke

-But the deepening of his voice gets to you anyway

-“Thank you for this. I promise I’ll get out of your hair early tonight.”

-“The only thing I’m worried about getting out of my hair is this white spray paint. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”

-He’s put a streak of white spray paint in his raven locks

-Why? You’re not certain

-Does it look good on him, like everything else does?

-Absolutely

-Its been a few hours since your night of studying began

-Jungkook’s dropped off two free lattes since you’ve arrived  

-As well as a slice of his ‘I write cinnamon not tragedies’ bread

-Which was equally hilarious and delicious

-You caught him glancing over at your table a few times but you didn’t think anything of it

-He’s probably just checking to make sure that no one needs your table

-His bakery is packed most nights but Halloween is a special night at Blackheart Bakery

-He has a trick or treat counter set up with free (homemade) candy

-A photo op complete with a fake haunted house backdrop

-A Halloween playlist

-And a bunch of discounts on his signature lattes and food

-you watch him amongst the chaos

-He is completely unfazed

-He seems elated at the amount of customers he has

-he grins and laughs at something a man dressed like Thor says at his counter

-he seems entirely in his element

-you realize that the denial tactics you’ve been trying out haven’t been working

-because this floppy haired, tattooed, slutty skeleton/baker kind of has a hold on your heart

-you’ve been friends for a long time now

-he always makes sure you’re taken care of

-he always asks if you’re ok

-he always gives you this little grin

-it feels like a secret sometimes

-but maybe it’s been his way of letting you know where he stands

-he’s been bringing you lattes and pastries for months now

-he never charges you full-price

-he always reminds you not to work too hard

-he

-fuck

-he likes you doesn’t he?

-you look back over at the counter to see him bending over and handing a skeleton cookie to a little girl dressed like Captain Marvel

-he laughs at something she says

-his eyes focused entirely on her and whatever she seems to be proclaiming to him  

-your heart goes wonky again

-alright

-enough is enough

-you’re doing this  

-Jungkook’s done so much of the work thus far

-it’s time for you to seal the deal

-and if he rejects you, well…

-you can just crawl into a hole and never come out again

-easy peasy

-You can feel his eyes on you as you get up to take your place in line

-luckily there isn’t anyone else behind you

-rejection with an audience would certainly be worse

-Jungkook has his witty comment ready for you as you approach the register

-“I know for a fact you haven’t finished your third latte and I’m not making you another one until-“

-“I’m not here for another latte.” You laugh, trying to ignore the thrashing of your heartbeat

-“No? Well, are you finally going to try my Welcome to the Blackened Chicken Parade Burger then? I’ve been asking you for like three weeks…”

-god he’s fucking cute

-“I’m here to ask you out.”

-Jungkook swears he feels his heart stop

-“You’re here to…”

-He repeats the first part of your response as his he didn’t hear you

-his black fingernails anxiously tapping against the countertop

-“I’m here to ask you out- on a date.”

-Jungkooks face seems to go through various stages of confusion before a shy smirk presents itself on his pretty mouth

-“Me? You’re asking me-“ He places a hand on his chest, “-out on a date?”

-“Yes!” You laugh, slapping the counter a bit too hard, your nerves getting the best of you, “Are you down?”

-He shakes his head but his answer contradicts his movements

-“So down, beyond down. There is no one on Earth who is more DOWN than I am. Yes. My answer is yes. 50000% yes.”

-you can’t help the smile on your lips

-“great. So are you free next Friday then?”

-He grins with his teeth this time, nodding emphatically  

-“Consider the shop closed.”

-and so it was

-you returned to your table moments later  

-feeling on top of the world

-you did it

-you asked Jungkook out

-and he said yes

-and now you

-NOW YOU HAVE A DATE WITH JUNGKOOK

-LOOK AT YOU GO

-TAKING CHARGE

-you try your best to engage with your studies but with Jungkook on your mind

-its really hard

-roughly two hours later, things at the bakery have finally started to slow down

-“Hey uh- Y/N?”

-Jungkook's voice that pulls you out of your studying trance

-he’s standing at the entrance of his back room, waving you over with his hand

-and who are you to deny him?

-you make your way over there, annoyed at the instant increase in your heartrate

-he stands awkwardly to the side and gestures to the boxes on the metal rack

-“I just remembered that I’ve never given you a tour of the place. I give all my regulars a tour of the stockroom and my office and uh-”

-he cuts himself off and clumsily cups your cheek

-he pulls you into a kiss

-a really good kiss

-his lips are so warm

-he smells like cinnamon

-you could literally die happy

-The ridiculous nature of his first attempt to kiss you, makes you giggle into his mouth

-you feel him smile, his hands smushing your cheeks together as he pulls away

-“Ok I lied. There is no tour. I’ve just been watching you focus on your computer for the last two hours and you’re just really fucking cute and-”

-this time, it’s you who cuts him off

-“You better give me an actual tour next time. How else am I going to steal your secret recipes?”

-he scoffs in mock offense

-“Ah ha! So that’s the only reason you asked me out huh? Should I be calling you Plankton instead of Y/N? Ew no wait- that would make me Mr. Krabs and he’s a dirty capitalist...”

-You laugh, “Oooh good point. Guess you’ll just have to be Karen, my computer wife.”

-This makes him laugh now and the sound warms your soul

-“I could live with that- I like your last name better anyways.”

-with another kiss, your adventure with the emo baker of your dreams begins

-It may have been Halloween but it sure felt like Christmas to you

[maximoffluvr]

PROMPT LIST! if you’re requesting a prompt (you can do multiple) please specify if you want the writing to be agere related, fluff, angst or anything like that! also include the characters involved - it can be one x y/n, multiple x y/n or just a few characters with each other (eg a ship). thank you!

1) ‘that’s my food’

2) ‘you’re taking up the whole bed’

3) bad dream

4) injury

5) ‘don’t leave me’

6) ‘i think i’m falling in love with you’

7) thunderstorms

8) baking

9) meeting family

10) lost in the supermarket

11) car ride

12) at a theme park

13) ‘i only want you’

14) ‘we aren’t exclusive, you know’

15) ‘why do you have to make this so difficult’

16) enemies to lovers

17) dyeing hair together

18) ‘you’re a terrible cook’

19) ‘you like petnames?!’

20) ‘aww, you can be soft’

21) getting a pet together

22) going out in the rain

23) karaoke at a bar

24) ‘i hate how much i love you’

25) ‘i cant do this’

26) ‘there’s monsters under my bed’

27) ‘i need you’

28) babysitter (can be someone babysitting little!y/n, or y/n babysitting someone’s kid)

29) clothes shopping together

30) first date

31) ‘how do you feel about…’

32) ‘you don’t need another teddy bear’

33) hurt/comfort

34) ‘just hold me’

35) ‘shut up and hug me’

36) ‘you’re warm’

37) ‘i want to be with you forever’

38) ‘i’m scared’

39) teaching the other(s) how to play an instrument

40) first kiss

41) panic attack in public

42) meltdown

43) coming out

44) cinema

45) watching a scary movie

46) play fighting

47) giving a gift

48) ‘you’re so beautiful’

49) ‘nobody’s perfect’

50) ‘thank you for staying’

[handsome-lovecraftian-horror]

INSIDER AT THE PALACE

Title: Insider at the Palace

Genre: Non-fiction

Status: Completed (i think, i may add more later)

Estimated Length: >500 words

Disclaimer: I'm writing this as an lgbt and chubby/fat (take your word pick) and black writer. So just keep that in mind with my perspective of drag.

You could call me an insider at The Palace. It wasn't so much of an exclusive event as it was an insider one. You wouldn't stumble into the shows, you might be in a queer chat or have a friend tell you where to go. The doors opened at 8:45 but people would be there well before that to get some of the best seats. If you wanted a place you would have to sit somewhere and stake your claim fast before others arrived and snatched it from you, like two competing predators fighting for prey.

The bartenders were usually the same. There was one guy with scruff and fluffy brown hair that always seemed to make the best drinks or hand out the best fries. Always effective, though not always the most energetic. But that was never really a concern for the patrons. We didn't crowd inside of a dingy bar with flashing luminescent bulbs for the good service. We were here for the queens.

If you were lucky, like myself, you would get to know them. Tall queens, short queens, fat and skinny queens, black and hispanic queens, and a king or two if we were lucky. They all had their neat tricks on the floor, whether it be a signature look, signature move, song genre, they all had their own factor.

Maxx was the king I tended to watch the most. This was the one place my transness was an open badge on my chest, with only a binder on as a top for everyone to see. If men could walk around shirtless then I could do with the equivalent of a tank top. Tight pants tend to adorn my lower half, just like Maxx, who often wore more form fitting clothes in his costumes for the evenings.

I've seen him preform twice, and each time I've given him his first tip. Each time we've locked eyes as he struts out onto the floor. It's an unspoken language, one that only mascs in this bar might truly understand. He always picked the more raunchy songs out of all the kings and queens, the most masculine in form and dripping with humor. His performances were always a highlight, especially when you saw that moment he truly dived into his piece.

He always chooses someone to make eye contact with as he steps out onto the floor. I was the lucky one that first night I saw him. I was the lucky one ever since. I give him my second largest tips, saving the biggest only for the black queens on which the back of this community was built. I watch him strut and stride, run and slide, make a performance and a show of just his body as he might jump onto the bar stage, all the crowd catching whatever he wanted to preform.

[marlborodean]

spn quotes: season three

i’m collecting a bunch of quotes from the show! my favorite lines, good points of characterization, etc. all organized by episode and character, and with timestamps!

w/ncest shippers get lost

season one. two.

1. THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN

Dean—

[Bobby: So we're eating bacon cheeseburgers for breakfast, are we?] Well, sold my soul, got a year to live. I ain't sweating the cholesterol. (07:04)

[Tamara: I'm heading back to that bar.] I'll go with her. [Sam: It's suicide, Dean!] So what? I'm dead already! (21:27)

[Envy: You really think you're better than me. Which one of you can cast the first stone? Huh? What about you, Dean? You're practically a walking billboard of gluttony and lust.] (24:46)

[Sam: Think she's gonna be alright?] No. Definitely not. (34:18)

[Sam: What, you got some kind of death wish or something?] It's not like that. [Then what's it like, Dean?] Sam— [Please. Tell me.] We trap the crossroads demon, trick it, try to welch our way out of the deal in any way, you die. Okay? You die. Those are the terms, there's no way out of it. If you try to find a way, so help me God, I'm gonna stop you. [How could you make that deal, Dean?] 'Cause I couldn't live with you dead. Couldn't do it. [So what, now I live and you die?] That's the general idea, yeah. [Yeah, well, you're a hypocrite, Dean. How did you feel when Dad sold his soul for you? 'Cause I was there. I remember. You were twisted and broken. And now you go and do the same thing. To me. What you did was selfish.] Yeah, you're right. It was selfish. But I'm okay with that. [I'm not.] Tough. After everything I've done for this family, I think I'm entitled. Truth is, I'm tired, Sam. I don't know, it's like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. [It's hellfire, Dean!] Whatever. You're alive, I feel good for the first time in a long time. I got a year to live, Sam, I'd like to make the most of it. So what do you say we kill some evil sons of bitches and we raise a little hell. Huh? (37:12)

Sam—

Look. If we're going down, we're going down together, alright? (27:09)

[Pride: And you...are Sam Winchester. That's right, I've heard of ya. We've all heard of ya. The prodigy, the boy king. Looking at you now, I gotta tell ya.... Don't believe the hype. You think I'm gonna bow to a cut-rate, piss-poor human like you? I have my pride, after all. And now with your yellow-eyed friend dead, I guess I don't really have to do a damn thing now, do I? You're fair game now, boy, and it's open season.] (31:51)

You know what? I've had it. I've been bending over backwards trying to be nice to you, and...I don't care anymore. [Dean: That didn't last long.] Yeah, well, you know what? I've been busting my ass trying to keep you alive, Dean, and you act like you couldn't care less. What, you got some kind of death wish or something? (36:56)

[Dean: I couldn't live with you dead. Couldn't do it.] So what, now I live and you die? [That's the general idea, yeah.] Yeah, well, you're a hypocrite, Dean. How did you feel when Dad sold his soul for you? 'Cause I was there. I remember. You were twisted and broken. And now you go and do the same thing. To me. What you did was selfish. (37:44)

Misc—

Greed: We're not sins, man. We are natural, human instinct. And you can repress and deny us all you want, but the truth is, you are just animals. Horny, greedy, hungry, violent animals. And you know what? You'll be slaughtered like animals, too. (25:32)

2. THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT

Dean—

[Lisa: You can relax.] Good. [I swear you look disappointed.] Yeah, I don't know. It's weird, you know, your life. I mean, this house and kid. It's not my life, never will be. Some stuff happened to me recently, uh.... Anyway, a guy in my situation—you start to think, you know, "I'm gonna be gone one day, and what am I leaving behind besides a car?" [I don't know. Ben may not be your kid, but he wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. That's a lot, if you ask me.] You know, just for the record, you got a great kid. I would've been proud to be his dad. (26:18)

Sam—

[Ruby: All I know is that it's about you.] What? [Don't you get it, Sam? It's all about you. What happened to your mom, what happened to her friends—they're trying to cover up what he did to you. And I want to help you figure it out.] Why would you want to help me? [I have my reasons. Not all demons are the same, Sam. Not all of us want the same thing. Me? I want to help you from time to time. That's all. And if you let me, there's something in it for you.] What could you possibly— [I could help you save your brother.] (40:40)

3. BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK

Dean—

Just Dad. You know, him and his secrets. We spent all this time with the guy and it's like we barely even know the man. (06:20)

Oh wow! It's my first sawed-off. I made it myself. Sixth grade. (07:59)

That's what killed your friend. My brother here is next. And who knows how many more innocent people after that. Now, if you don't help us stop this thing, then that puts those deaths on your head. Now, I can read people. And I get it. You're a thief and a scumbag. That's fine. But you're not a killer. Are you? (22:46)

So you know the truth about what's really going on out there and this is what you decide to do with it? You become a thief? [Bela: I procure unique items for a select clientele.] Yeah. A thief. (29:46)

So you're only after yourself, huh? It's all about number one? [Bela: Being a hunter is so much more noble? A bunch of obsessed, revenge-driven sociopaths trying to save a world that can't be saved.] Well, aren't you a glass half-full. [We're all going to Hell, Dean. Might as well enjoy the ride.] I actually agree with you there. (31:30)

The hell is wrong with you?! You don't just go around shooting people like that! (36:04)

Sam—

[Dean: She knows what your weakness is. It's me.] (03:32)

[Dean: You're okay, right? I mean, you're feeling okay?] Yes, I'm fine! Why are you always asking me that? (04:04)

No way! That's my division championship soccer trophy. I can't believe he kept this! [Dean: It was probably the closest you ever came to being a boy.] (07:45)

4. SIN CITY

Dean—

[Casey: Lose something?] All you demons have such smart mouths. [It's a gift.] Yeah. Well, let's see if you're smiling when I send your ass back to Hell. [Without your little exorcism book? Hey, go ahead.] Spiritus immunde. Ungo— [Having a little trouble there, sport?] Spiritus immunde, undolara. Pasonitote.... [Nice try, but I think you just ordered a pizza. Guess you should've paid more attention in Latin class.] I don't know what you're smiling about. You're not going anywhere. [And, apparently, neither are you.] Yeah, but I got somebody coming for me, and uh, he did pay attention in class. (20:02)

[Casey: You Winchester boys are famous. Not Lohan famous, but, you know.] Well. That's...flattering. I'll be sure to let Sam know when he gets here. (20:58)

So demons take over. I thought the meek shall inherit the earth. [Casey: Oh, according to your Bible. It's only a book, Dean.] Not everyone would agree. [Because it's God's book? Do you believe in God, Dean? I'd be surprised if you did.] I don't know. I'd like to. (24:59)

[Casey: You're alright, Dean. The others don't describe you that way. But, you know, you're...you're likable.] A demon likes me. Sorry, I don't know how to respond to that. (29:34)

[Casey: That deal you made to save Sam—a lot of others would mock you for it, think it was weak or stupid. I don't.] It's been kind of liberating, actually. I mean, what's the point in worrying about a future when you don't have one, huh? [Still, a year to live. You're not scared?] No. [Not even a little?] Of course not. (29:50)

Sam—

Oh God. Uh. I'm sorry. That's—just—I think this was just a minor misunderstanding? yeah, okay, um. How 'bout I just—I just leave, 'cause—I'll take these—okay, I'll, uh, I'll leave this for, uh...you, uh...have a nice day? (17:20)

[Dean: Yeah, but I got somebody coming for me, and uh, he did pay attention in class.] [Casey: Oh, right, Sam. Everyone says he's the brains of the outfit.] [Everyone?] [Sure! You Winchester boys are famous. Not Lohan famous, but, you know.] (20:46)

Yeah, I like being able to help people. [Father Gil: Ever think about doing anything else?] Like what? [Hm. Anything. You seem like a pretty smart kid. Somehow I see you out in front of the pack. You could do some great things.] I don't know. I like what I'm doing, I guess. [Well, it's your life. Does, um, Dean?] Yeah, Dean. [Does he find trouble often?] Yeah. Yeah, Dean finds his fair share. [Hm. Well, it's a good thing he has you. His brother's keeper.] (30:32)

[Ruby: You're gonna have to do things that go against that gentle nature of yours. There'll be collateral damage, but it has to be done.] Well, I don't have to like it. [No. You wouldn't be Sam if you did.] (39:24)

Misc—

Casey: You don't get it. All you gotta do is nudge humans in the right direction. Some whiskey here, a hooker there, and they'll walk right into hell with big, fat smiles on their faces. Your kind is corrupt, Dean. Weak. Our will's stronger. That's why we'll win. (23:55)

Casey: What, you think humans have an exclusive on a higher power? [Dean: You have a God?] Sure. His name's Lucifer. [You mean the Devil?] Your word, not ours. "Lucifer" actually means "light bringer." Look it up. Once he was the most beautiful of all God's angels. But God demanded that he bow down before man, and when he refused, God banished him. Tell me, Dean. How do you like bowing before lesser creatures? [Lucifer's really real?] Well, no one's actually seen him, but they say that he made us into what we are, and they say that he'll return. [Oh yeah? And, uh, you believe that?] I've got faith. [Hm.] So, you see? Is my kind really all that different than yours? [Well, except that, uh, demons are evil.] And humans are such a lovable bunch. (26:39)

Casey: [Hell] is a pit of despair. Why do you think we want to come here? (28:02)

Casey: Sam was supposed to be the grand poo-bah and lead the big army, but he hasn't exactly stepped up to the plate, has he? [Dean: Thank God for that.] Again with God. You think this is a good thing? Now you've got chaos, a war without a front, hundreds of demons all jockeying for power, all fighting for the crown, most of them gunning for your brother. (32:22)

5. BEDTIME STORIES

Dean—

[Sam: I don't understand, Dean, why not?] Because I said so. [We got the Colt now.] Sam— [We can summon the crossroads demon—] We're not summoning anything. [—pull the gun on her, and force her to let you out of the deal!] We don't even know if that'll work! [Well then, we'll just shoot her! If she dies, the deal goes away!] We don't know if that will work either, Sam! All you're pitching me right now are a bunch of "if's" and "maybe's," and that's not good enough! Because if we screw with this deal, you die! [And if we don't screw with it, you die!] Sam, enough! I'm not gonna have this conversation! [Why, because you said so?] Yes, because I said so! [Well, you're not Dad!] No, but I am the oldest. And I'm doing what's best. You gotta let this go, you understand me? (03:46)

[Sam: Is that what you want me to do, Dean? Just let you go?] (33:26)

Sam—

[Kyle: Those were my brothers. This guy, he killed my brothers. How would you feel?] Can't imagine anything worse. (06:34)

Look, Callie is killing people. She's angry. She's desperate because nobody will listen to her. So you have to listen to her. Please. Listen to your daughter. (29:28)

[Crossroads Demon: Aren't you tired of cleaning up Dean's messes? Of dealing with that broken psyche of his? Aren't you tired of being bossed around like a snot-nosed little brother? You're stronger than Dean. You're better than him.] Watch your mouth. [Admit it—you're here going through the motions, but truth is, you'll be a tiny bit relieved when he's gone.] Shut up. [No more desperate, sloppy, needy Dean. You can finally be free.] I said, shut up. [Huh. Doth protest too much, if you ask me.] (37:15)

6. RED SKY AT MORNING

Dean—

Somebody stole my car?! [Sam: Hey hey hey, calm down.] I am calmed down! Somebody stole my— *nearly has a heart attack* (08:15)

[Bela: He can't be saved in time, and you know it.] Yeah, well, see, we have souls, so we're gonna try. (12:39)

Hey, Bela, how did you get like this, huh? What, did Daddy not give you enough hugs or something? [Bela: I don't know. Your Daddy not give you enough? Don't you dare look down your nose at me. You're no better than I am.] We help people. [Come on. You do this out of vengeance and obsession. You're a stone's throw from being a serial killer.] (12:57)

This is an uncrashable party without Gert's invitation, so— [Sam: We can crash anything, Dean.] Yeah, I know, but this is easier and it's a lot more entertaining. (21:57)

I'm thinking. [Bela: Don't strain yourself. Interesting, how the legend is so much more than the man.] (23:12)

Screw you. [Bela: Very Oscar Wilde.] (24:32)

So ponying up ten grand is easier for you than a simple thank you? You're so damaged. [Bela: Takes one to know one.] (38:08)

Hey, listen, I've been doing some thinking. Um...I want you to know I understand why you did it. I understand why you went after the crossroads demon. You know, situation was reversed, I guess I'd have done the same thing. I mean, I'm not blind. I see what you're going through with this whole deal. Me going away and all that. But you're gonna be okay. [Sam: You think so?] Yeah, you'll keep hunting. You know, you'll live your life. You're stronger than me. You are! You are, you'll get over it. But I want you to know I'm sorry, I'm sorry for...putting you through all this, I am. (38:56)

[Sam: That's the whole problem in the first place. I don't want you to worry about me, Dean. I want you to worry about you. I want you to give a crap that you're dying.] (39:52)

Sam—

[Dean: It was a stupid friggin' risk, you shouldn't have done it.] I shouldn't have done it? You're my brother. No matter what you do, I'm gonna try to save you, and I'm sure as hell not gonna apologize for it, alright? (04:32)

[Dean: Can I shoot her?] Not in public. (09:55)

[Dean: You can't save everybody, Sam.] Yeah, right. S—so, what? You feel better now or what? [No, not really.] Yeah, me neither. [You gotta under—] Just lately I feel like I can't save anybody. (16:24)

[Dean: I can't believe she got another one over on us.] You. [What?] I mean—I mean, she got one over on you, not us. [Thank you, Sam. Very helpful. (31:12)

[Dean: You're gonna be okay.] You think so? [Yeah, you'll keep hunting. You know, you'll live your life. You're stronger than me. You are! You are, you'll get over it. But I want you to know I'm sorry, I'm sorry for...putting you through all this, I am.] You know what, Dean? Go screw yourself. [What?] I don't want an apology from you. And by the way, I'm a big boy now, I can take care of myself. [Oh, well, excuse me.] So would you please quit worrying about me? I mean, that's the whole problem in the first place. I don't want you to worry about me, Dean. I want you to worry about you. I want you to give a crap that you're dying. (39:20)

Misc—

[Sam: What'd you do, Bela?] Bela: You wouldn't understand. No one did. Nevermind. I'll just do what I've always done. I'll deal with it myself. [Dean: You do realize you just sold the only thing that could save your life.] I'm aware. (34:01)

7. FRESH BLOOD

Dean—

[Sam: There you are!] Yeah. Sorry, I stopped for a slice. [Nice move back there, Dean, running right at the weapons.] Well, what can I say? I'm a badass. (14:02)

I want you to stay out of harm's way. I'll take care of it. [Sam: Well, Dean, you're not going by yourself. You're gonna get yourself killed!] Just another day at the office. It's a massively dangerous day at the office. [So what, you're the guy with nothing to lose now, huh? Oh, wait. Let me guess. Because uh.... It's because you're already dead, right?] If the shoe fits. [You know what, man? I'm sick and tired of your old, stupid kamikaze trip.] Whoa, whoa. Kamikaze? I'm more like a ninja. [That's not funny.] It's a little funny. [No, it's not.] What do you want me to do, Sam? Huh? Sit around all day writing sad poems about how I'm gonna die? You know what? I got one. Let's see. What rhymes with "Shut up, Sam"? [Dude. Drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punch line. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.] I'm not. [You're lying! And you may as well drop it 'cause I can see right through you.] You got no idea what you're talking about. [Yeah, I do. You're scared, Dean. You're scared because your year is running out and you're still going to Hell and you're freaked.] And how do you know that? [Because I know you!] Really? [Yeah, because I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to since I was four, Dean—studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And I mean, I can't blame you. It's just....] What? [It's just, I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again, 'cause.... Just 'cause.] (28:16)

That's my job, right? Show my little brother the ropes? (39:01)

Sam—

[Dean: And how do you know that?] Because I know you! [Really?] Yeah, because I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to since I was four, Dean—studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And I mean, I can't blame you. It's just.... [What?] It's just, I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again, 'cause.... Just 'cause. (29:17)

[Gordon: You're right. I'm a bloodthirsty killer.] Don't talk about it like you don't have a choice. [I don't.] Yes, you do, Gordon. (34:03)

Misc—

Gordon: We're the same now, you and me. I know how it is, walking around with something evil inside you. It's just too bad you won't do the right thing and kill yourself. I'm gonna! As soon as I'm done with you. Two last good deeds: killing you, and killing myself. (34:56)

8. A VERY SUPERNATURAL CHRISTMAS

Dean—

Santa doesn't have a brother. There is no Santa. [Sam: Yeah, I know. You're the one who told me that in the first place, remember?] (04:57)

Hey, speaking of, we should have one this year. [Sam: Have one what?] A Christmas! [No, thanks.] No, we'll get a tree, a little Boston Market—just like when we were little. [Dean, those weren't exactly Hallmark memories for me, you know?] What are you talking about? We had some great Christmases! [Whose childhood are you talking about?] Oh, come on, Sam. [No! Just...no.] Alright, Grinch. (05:43)

[Sam: I'm old enough, Dean. You can tell me the truth.] You don't wanna know the truth. Believe me. [Is that why we never talk about...Mom?] Shut up! Don't you ever talk about Mom! Ever! (07:32)

Why are you the boy that hates Christmas? [Sam: Dean—] I mean, I admit it, we had a few bumpy holidays when we were kids. [Bumpy?] That was then! We'll do it right this year. (10:24)

Remember that wreath Dad brought home thy one year? [Sam: You mean the one he stole from like, a liquor store?] Yeah, it was a bunch of empty beer cans. That thing was great. I bet if I looked around hard enough, I could probably find one just like it. (18:30)

[Sam: Alright. Dude. What's going on with you?] What? [I mean, since when are you Bing Crosby all of a sudden? Why do you want to do Christmas so bad?] Why are you so against it? I mean, were your childhood memories that traumatic? [No, that has nothing to do with it.] Then what? [I mean, I just—I don't get it. I—you haven't talked about Christmas in years.] Well, yeah? This is my last year. (18:47)

We have the coolest dad in the world. He's a superhero. [Sam: He is?] Yeah. Monsters are real. Dad fights 'em. He's fighting them right now. [But Dad said the monsters under my bed weren't real.] That's 'cause he'd already checked under there. (21:20)

Sam—

[Dean: Santa doesn't have a brother. There is no Santa.] Yeah, I know. You're the one who told me that in the first place, remember? (04:57)

[Dean: Hey, speaking of, we should have one this year.] Have one what? [A Christmas!] No, thanks. [No, we'll get a tree, a little Boston Market—just like when we were little.] Dean, those weren't exactly Hallmark memories for me, you know? [What are you talking about? We had some great Christmases!] Whose childhood are you talking about? [Oh, come on, Sam.] No! Just...no. (05:43)

Alright. Dude. What's going on with you? [Dean: What?] I mean, since when are you Bing Crosby all of a sudden? Why do you want to do Christmas so bad? [Why are you so against it? I mean, were your childhood memories that traumatic?] No, that has nothing to do with it. [Then what?] I mean, I just—I don't get it. I—you haven't talked about Christmas in years. [Well, yeah? This is my last year.] I know. That's why I can't. [What do you mean?] I mean, I can't just sit around, drinking eggnog, pretending everything's okay, when I know next Christmas you'll be dead. I just can't. (18:47)

[Edward: You, mister, better show us a little respect.] Or what? You'll eat us? (29:29)

Here. Take this. [Dean: No. No, that's for Dad.] Dad lied to me. I want you to have it. [You sure?] I'm sure. (37:02)

9. MALLEUS MALEFICARUM

Dean—

I hate witches. They're always spewing their bodily fluids everywhere. [Sam: Pretty much.] It's creepy, you know, it's downright unsanitary! (05:05)

[Ruby: Why are you even a part of this conversation?] Oh, I don't know, maybe because he's my brother, you black-eyed skank! [Oh, right, right! And you care about your brother so much. That's why you're checking out in a few months, leaving him all alone?] Shut up. [At least let me try and save him since you won't be here to do it anymore.] I said shut up! (19:22)

It tasted like ass. (24:36)

So all of them? Every damn demon, they were all human once? [Ruby: Everyone I've ever met.] Well, they sure don't act like it. [Most of them have forgotten what it means, or even that they were. That's what happens when you go to Hell, Dean. That's what Hell is: forgetting what you are.] Philosophy lesson from a demon. I'll pass, thanks. [It's not philosophy. It's not a metaphor. There's a real fire in the pit, agonies you can't even imagine.] No, I saw Hellraiser. I get the gist. [Actually, they got that pretty close, except for all the custom leather. The answer is yes, by the way.] Sorry? [Yes, the same thing will happen to you. It might take centuries, but sooner or later, Hell will burn away your humanity. Every Hell-bound soul, everyone turns into someone else. Turns you into us, so yeah—yeah, you can count on it.] There's no way of saving me from the pit, is there? [No.] (35:42)

Sam—

They need to be stopped. [Dean: Stopped like, stopped? They're human, Sam.] They're murderers. (17:49)

[Dean: Are you feeling okay?] Why are you always asking me that? [Because you're taking advice from a demon, for starters. And by the way, you seem less and less worried about offing people, you know. It used to eat you up inside.] Yeah? And what has that gotten me? [Nothing, but it's just what you're supposed to do, okay? We're supposed to drive in the freaking car and freaking argue about this stuff! You know, you go on about the sanctity of life and all that crap.] Wait, so you're mad because I'm starting to agree with you? [No, I'm not mad! I'm—I'm...I'm worried, Sam, because you're not acting like yourself.] Yeah, you're right, I'm not! I don't have a choice! (20:45)

Look, Dean, you're leaving, right? And I gotta stay here in this crap hole of a world. Alone. So the way I see it, if I'm gonna make it, if I'm gonna fight this war after you're gone, then I gotta change. [Change into what?] Into you. I got to be more like you. (21:25)

10. DREAM A LITTLE DREAM OF ME

Dean—

Can I get a whiskey? Double, neat. [I'm serious, Dean.] No, you're drunk. [I mean, where you're going, what you're gonna become. I can't stop it. I'm starting to think maybe even Ruby can't stop it. But really, the thing is, no one can save you.] What I've been telling you. [No, that's not what I mean. I mean, no one can save you because you don't want to be saved. I mean, how can you care so little about yourself? What's wrong with you?] (03:16)

You gotta snap out of this now. You gotta snap out of this now! You're not gonna die. I'm not gonna let you die. I'm not gonna let you die, you're like a father to me. You gotta believe me, please! [Bobby: I'm breathing?] Yes! Now take control of it! (22:30)

Great! Well, I'm just gonna go blow my brains out now! (25:59)

Well, aren't you a handsome son of a gun. [Nightmare Dean: We need to talk.] I get it, I get it. I'm my own worst nightmare. That it, huh? Kinda like the Superman III junkyard scene—a little mano y mano with myself? [Joke all you want, smartass, but you can't lie to me. I know the truth. I know how dead you are inside, how worthless you feel. I know how you look into a mirror, and hate what you see.] Sorry, pal. It's not gonna work. You're not real. [Sure I am. I'm you.] I don't think so. 'Cause see, this is my siesta. Not yours. All I gotta do is snap my fingers, and you go bye-bye. [I'm not going anywhere. Neither are you. Like I said, we need to talk.] (30:37)

[Nightmare Dean: I mean, you're going to Hell, and you won't lift a finger to stop it. Talk about low self-esteem! Then again, I guess it's not much of a life worth saving, now, is it?] Come on, Dean, come on, wake up. [I mean, after all, you've got nothing outside of Sam. You are nothing. You're as mindless and obedient as an attack dog.] That's not true. [No? What are the things that you want? What are the things that you dream? I mean, your car—that's Dad's. Your favorite leather jacket—Dad's. Your music—Dad's. Do you even have an original thought? No. No, all there is, is "Watch out for Sammy. Look after your brother, boy!" You can still hear your Dad's voice in your head, can't you? Clear as a bell.] Just shut up. [I mean, think about it. All he ever did was train you, boss you around. But Sam—Sam, he doted on. Sam, he loved.] I mean it, I'm getting angry. [Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?] Son of a bitch! My father was an obsessed bastard! All that crap he dumped on me about protecting Sam—that was his crap! He's the one who couldn't protect his family! He's the one who let Mom die! Who wasn't there for Sam! I always was! It wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me, and I don't deserve to go to Hell! (33:21)

[Nightmare Demon Dean: You can't escape me, Dean. You're gonna die. And this? This is what you're gonna become! (35:32)

The thing is...I don't want to die. I don't want to go to Hell. [Sam: Alright. Yeah. We'll find a way to save you.] Okay, good. (38:40)

Sam—

[Dean: There you are. What are you doing?] Having a drink. [It's 2:00 in the afternoon. Drinking whiskey?] I drink whiskey all the time.] No you don't. [What's the big deal? You get sloppy in bars. You hit on chicks all the time. Why can't I?] It's kinda slim pickings around here. What's going on with you?] (02:50)

I tried, Dean. [Dean: To do what?] To save you. [Can I get a whiskey? Double, neat.] I'm serious, Dean. [No, you're drunk.] I mean, where you're going, what you're gonna become. I can't stop it. I'm starting to think maybe even Ruby can't stop it. But really, the thing is, no one can save you. [What I've been telling you.] No, that's not what I mean. I mean, no one can save you because you don't want to be saved. I mean, how can you care so little about yourself? What's wrong with you? (03:16)

[Dean: The thing is...I don't want to die. I don't want to go to Hell.] Alright. Yeah. We'll find a way to save you. (38:40)

Misc—

Jeremy: You know what that's like? Not to be able to dream? You never rest, not really. It's like being awake for 15 years. [Sam: And let me guess. That's makes you go crazy.] I just want to be left alone. I just want to dream. (32:32)

11. MYSTERY SPOT

Dean—

[Sam: Twice now, I've watched you die. And I can't. I won't do it again, okay? And you're just gonna have to believe me. Please.] Alright. I still think you're nuts, but...okay. Whatever this is, we'll figure it out. (11:44)

Wait, did he.... [Sam: Yesterday, yeah.] And? [And what?] Did it look cool like in the movies? [You peed yourself.] Of course I peed myself. A man gets hit by a car, you think he has full control of his bladder? Come on! (13:05)

Sam—

Twice now, I've watched you die. And I can't. I won't do it again, okay? And you're just gonna have to believe me. Please. (11:44)

[Gabriel: How long will it take you to realize you can't save your brother, no matter what?] (26:17)

[Bobby: Call me, Sam. We can find it together. No one man should take something like this on alone. You hear me?] (30:17)

[Bobby: I thought you'd back down from killing a man.] Well, you thought wrong. Leave the stuff, I'll do it myself. [I told you, I'm not gonna let you kill anyone—] It's none of your damn business what I do! (32:11)

[Gabriel: Let me tell ya. Whoever said Dean was the dysfunctional one has never seen you with a sharp object in your hands.] (34:50)

[Gabriel: Sam, there's a lesson here that I've been trying to drill into that freakish, Cro-Magnon skull of yours.] Lesson? What lesson? [This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean's your weakness. The bad guys know it, too. He's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.] He's my brother. [Yup. And like it or not, this is what life's gonna be like without him.] Please, just.... Please. [I swear, it's like talking to a brick wall.] (35:36)

Misc—

Gabriel!Bobby: You and Dean, you...you boys are the closest thing I have to family. (32:18)

12. JUS IN BELLO

Dean—

[Henriksen: Sorry, Dean. Truth is, your daddy brainwashed you with all that devil talk and no doubt touched you in a bad place.] (08:20)

It's kind of wild, right? I mean, it's like they're coming right for us. They've never done that before. It's like we got a contract on us. Think it's because we're so awesome? I think it's 'cause we're so awesome. (16:37)

[Henriksen: Can you guys beat it? Can you win?] Honestly, I think the world's gonna end bloody. But it doesn't mean we shouldn't fight. We do have choices. I choose to go down swingin'. [Plus you got nothing to go home to but your brother.] Yeah. (26:00)

[Ruby: This spell is very specific. It calls for a person of virtue.] I got virtue. [Nice try. You're not a virgin.] Nobody's a virgin! No. No way. You're kidding me, r—? You're— [Nancy: What? It's a choice, okay?] Wh— S—so you've never—not even once? I mean, not even.... Wow! (29:18)

Please tell me you're not actually considering this. We're talking about holding down a girl and cutting out her heart. [Sam: And we're also talking about 30 people out there, Dean—innocent people, who are all gonna die, along with everyone in here.] It doesn't mean that we throw away the rulebook and stop acting like humans. I'm not gonna let that demon kill some nice, sweet, innocent girl who hasn't even been laid. I mean, look, if that's how you win wars, then I don't want to win. [Then what? What do we do, Dean?] I got a plan. I'm not saying it's a good one, I'm not even saying that it'll work, but it sure as hell beats killing a virgin. (31:25)

Sam—

*Dean gets shot.* Alright, don't be such a wuss. (13:54)

[Dean: Who sent 'em?] [Ruby: You didn't tell Dean? Wow, I'm surprised.] [Tell me what?] [There's a big new up-and-comer. Real pied piper.] [Who is he?] [Not he. Her. Her name is Lilith.] [Lilith?] [And she really, really wants Sam's intestines on a stick. Guess she sees him as competition.] [You knew about this? Well, gee, Sam, is there anything else I should know?] (27:32)

So you're just gonna leave? [Ruby: Hey! I was gonna kill myself to help you win. I'm not gonna stand here and watch you lose. And I'm disappointed, because I tried. I really did. But clearly, I bet on the wrong horse.] (32:30)

13. GHOSTFACERS

Dean—

Alright, seriously, does looking at this nightmare through that camera make you feel better or something? I mean.... [Maggie: Um, I, uh.... Well, yeah. Uh, yeah, I think so.] Oh. (19:31)

[Sam: World just isn't ready for the Ghostfacers.] That's too bad. I kind of liked the show. [Had its moments.] (40:29)

Sam—

Yeah! I mean, it's bizarre how y'all are able to, uh, to honor Corbett's memory while grossly exploiting the manner of his death. Well done. [Dean: Yeah, it's a real tight rope you're walking.] (38:56)

Well, um, our experience—you know what you get when you show the world the truth? [Dean: A straitjacket. Or a punch in the face. Sometimes both.] (39:08)

Misc—

Harry: Ed.... You gotta go be gay for that poor dead intern. You gotta send him into the light. (32:54)

Ed: Gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day. (37:15)

14. LONG DISTANCE CALL

Dean—

[Sam: So you two were talking a case?] No, we were actually talking about our feelings and then our favorite boy bands. Yeah, we're talking a case! (04:22)

What if it really is Dad? What happens if he calls back? [Sam: What do you mean?] What do I say? (15:28)

[John: Dean, how could you do it?] Do what? [Sell your soul.] I was looking after Sammy, like you told me to. [I never wanted this, never. You're my boy. I love you. I can't watch you go go Hell, Dean.] I'm sorry. I don't know how to stop it. (18:18)

The man is dead, and you're still butting heads with the guy! [Sam: That's not what this is about.] Then what is it? [The fact is, we got no hard proof here, Dean! After everything, you're still just going on blind faith!] Yeah! Well, maybe! You know, maybe that's all I got, okay? (23:16)

I wanted to believe so badly that there was a way out of this. I mean, I'm staring down the barrel at this thing. You know, Hell. For real, forever, and I'm just.... [Sam: Yeah.] I'm scared, Sam. I'm really scared. [I know.] I guess I was willing to believe anything. You know, last act of a desperate man. [There's nothing wrong with having hope, you know?] Hope doesn't get you jack squat. I can't expect Dad to show up with some miracle at the last minute. I can't expect anybody to, you know. And the only person that can get me out of this thing is me. [Sam: And me.] "And me?" [What?] Deep revelation, having a real moment here, that's what you come back with? "And me?" [Do you want a poem?] Moment's gone. (38:07)

Sam—

[Dean: Wow, you know, you'd think a Stanford education and a high school hookup rate of 0.0 would produce better results than that.] Hilarious. (16:03)

There's nothing wrong with having hope, you know. [Dean: Hope doesn't get you jack squat. I can't expect Dad to show up with some miracle at the last minute. I can't expect anybody to, you know? And the only person that can get me out of this thing is me.] And me. ["And me?"] What? [Deep revelation, having a real moment here, and that's what you come back with? "And me?"] Do you want a poem? [Moment's gone.] (38:46)

15. TIME IS ON MY SIDE

Dean—

[Rufus: You know, I don't even bother drinking unless it's this stuff. Nectar of the gods, I'm telling you.] Yeah, it's a nice change, you know. Most of my whiskey comes from a plastic jug. (18:08)

[Rufus: I know ain't no peashooter gonna save you.] What makes you so sure? ['Cause that's the job, kid. Even if you manage to scrape out of this one, there's just gonna be something else down the road. Folks like us, there ain't no happy ending. We all got it coming.] (19:05)

[Rufus: You do her ear?] Hey, man, I'll try anything once, but I don't know, that sounds uncomfortable. (21:24)

[Bela: You're not the cold-blooded type.] You mean like you? That's true. See, I couldn't imagine killing my own parents. (28:20)

Look, this is simple. [Sam: Simple?] To me, it is, okay? Black or white—human, not human. (36:39)

Sam—

[Dean: Are you coming or not?] I'm staying here. [No, you're not. Because I'm not gonna let you wander out in the woods alone to track some organ-stealing freak.] You're not gonna let me? [No, I'm not gonna let you.] How are you gonna stop me? (15:12)

16. NO REST FOR THE WICKED

Dean—

[Bobby: Ain’t you just bringing down the room?] Well, it’s a gift. [Sam: I’m sorry, so then, what are we supposed to do, Dean?] Look, just ‘cause I gotta die doesn’t mean you have to, okay? We—either we go in smart, or we don’t go in at all. (05:01)

[Sam: Then give me another option, Dean. I mean, tell me what else!] [Bobby: Sam’s right—] No! Damn it! Just no. We are not gonna make the same mistakes all over again. You guys want to save me, find something else. (05:42)

Oh, I knew you’d show up. ‘Cause I knew Sam wouldn’t listen! But you’re not gonna teach him anything. You understand me? Over my dead body. (10:29)

[Ruby: So you’re just too stupid to live, is that it? Then fine! You deserve hell! And I wish I could be there, Dean. I wish I could smell the flesh sizzle off your bones. I wish I could be there to hear you scream!] And I wish you’d shut your piehole, but we don’t always get what we want. (12:25)

Sam, we are not gonna make the same mistake all over again. [Sam: You said that, but what does that even mean?] Don’t you see a pattern here? Dad’s deal, my deal, now this? I mean, every time one of us is—is up the creek, the other is begging to sell their soul. That’s all this is, man. Ruby’s just jerking your chain down the road. You know what it’s paved with, and you know where it’s going. (13:43)

Sammy, all I’m saying is that you’re my weak spot. You are. And I’m yours. [Sam: You don’t mean that. We’re—we’re family.] I know. And those evil sons of bitches know it, too. I mean, what we’ll do for each other, you know, how far we’ll go, they’re using that against us. [So, what, we just stop looking out for each other?] No, we stop being martyrs, man. We stop spreading it for these demons. We take this knife, and we go after Lilith our way, the way Dad taught us to. And if we go down, uh…then we go down swinging. What do you think? [I think you totally should’ve been jamming “Eye of the Tiger” right there.] Oh, bite me. I totally rehearsed that speech, too. (14:39)

[Sam: You know, if this doesn’t, uh…. If this doesn’t go the way we want, I want you to know that—] No, no no no no no no. [No what?] You’re not gonna bust out the misty goodbye speech, okay? I mean, if this is my last day on Earth, I do not want it to be socially awkward. (19:54)

[Sam: I’m not gonna let you go to Hell, Dean!] Yes, you are! Yes, you are. I’m sorry. I mean, this is all my fault. I know that. But what you’re doing, it’s not gonna save me. It’s only gonna kill you. [Then what am I supposed to do?] Keep fighting. Take care of my wheels. Sam, remember what Dad taught you, okay? And remember what I taught you. (32:36)

Sam—

We’re gonna get this done. I don’t care what it takes, Dean. You’re not gonna go to Hell. I’m not gonna let you. I swear. Everything’s gonna be okay. (03:21)

[Ruby: Sam, you’ve got some God-given talent. Well, not God-given, but you get the gist.] All that psychic crap? That’s gone ever since Yellow Eyes died. [Not gone. Dormant. And not just visions, either. Why do you think Lilith’s so scared of you?] Right. She’s scared of me. (09:06)

[Ruby: You don’t like being different. You hate the way Dean looks at you sometimes, like you’re some sort of sideshow freak.] (09:50)

What are you afraid’s gonna happen? This is me. I can handle it. And if it’ll save you— [Dean: Why even risk it?] Because you’re my brother. And because you did the same thing for me. [I know. And look how that turned out. All I’m saying…. Sammy, all I’m saying is that you’re my weak spot. You are. And I’m yours.] You don’t mean that. We’re—we’re family. [I know. And those evil sons of bitches know it, too. I mean, what we’ll do for each other, you know, how far we’ll go, they’re using that against us.] So, what, we just stop looking out for each other? [No, we stop being martyrs, man. We stop spreading it for these demons. We take this knife, and we go after Lilith our way, the way Dad taught us to. And if we go down, uh…then we go down swinging. What do you think?] I think you totally should’ve been jamming “Eye of the Tiger” right there. (14:11)

There’s got to be something. There’s got to be some way. What—whatever it is, I’ll do it! Don’t—Dean! I’m not gonna let you go to Hell, Dean! (32:32)

Misc—

[Dean: This is about me and Sam, okay? This isn’t your fight.] Bobby: The hell it isn’t! Family don’t end with blood, boy. (18:50)

[tortleofwar]

Valentine's Cherub Pt. 2

The noises from trucks clearing the road, I can sleep through that. Sunlight blaring through my eyelids, I can easily turn over. But the smoke of a cigarette catching in the back of my throat is something I can't ignore. I bolt upright pounding my chest as I cough up the carcinogens. Smoke stings my eyes as a fresh puff is directed towards me.

"Good morning my little warrior." She took another drag and blew away from my face this time. "I assume you aren't a smoker then?"

"You got me." Finally settled from my coughing fit I roll off the bed and walk to the bathroom. My bladder was close to bursting and a conversation was the last thing I wanted to have right now.

"I guess I can't call you little after your display last night." She let out a school girl giggle as she walked into the bathroom. The cigarette was absent from her hand. She reached a hand out and held me as I ejected my urine into the posh toilet. "Got some power behind this thing. Wish I could have exclusive access to this."

"Not gonna happen." I forced it out to get her hand off of me quickly. "Last night I was snowed in and my cards were all declined. I'm thankful for your help but what happened last night was a fluke."

I skipped the shower hoping to get away from her before something else was instigated. She turned it on and walked out behind me. Her hands wrapped around my waist to grab at my dick again. This time I stopped her and proceeded to my clothes.

"If you are going home you're gonna need a shower." She gave my ass a swift slap and licked her lips hungrily. "Besides, your bar tab hasn't been paid off yet. Last night was the release I needed after my recent dry spell. But that was only the tip. I bought your drinks and provided you a room."

My heart dropped at the realization that she was right. This hotel was top notch. Red carpet throughout the room, a bidet in the bathroom, and the thread count was higher than my monthly salary. I could end up indebted for a while. Sky wouldn't like it so I had to find a way out of this. I swiped to my bank app and checked the balance. My check cleared and $1850 was showing. It wasn't much but it would cover the rinks I had.

I turned to find her on her knees mouth open and eyes closed. The hormones and attraction couldn't be denied but this was wrong. At least last night could be blamed on the drinks and need for a place to stay besides out back by a dumpster. But now was entirely different. I could walk out right now and leave her on her knees as I shut the door.

"I don't normally offer this to anyone." As I was looking at the door her eyes looked up to me and it felt like my soul was ensnared. As she stood her hand trailed up my thigh to cup my balls and then get a firm hold of my hardening shaft. "We get dirty while getting cleaned up and then I will consider us square. No money, just sex."

My answer should have been hell no, all caps with about five exclamation marks behind it. However those eyes and that plump booty slowly walked me to the shower and I was stuck. My tears washed away by the shower as I surrendered to her once again. I could say it was to square the debt but I honestly wanted more.

As we kissed images of my wife flashed in my head. The good times, the bad, and the sex. True, experience was one hell of a teacher but my heart could never betray her. My mind arguing that this was just a release, purely physical. But the betrayal was there.

I dove into the deep end, pulling her closer and adding carnal passion to the kiss. I began to kiss down to her neck and she whispered into my ear.

"Use me. No limits just go crazy." Her voice husky with desire. "Please."

I'd pressed her against the wall and teased her with one hand while nibbling on her tit. The harder I bit the slicker she got. True to her words she didn't deny anything as I chomped down with force. Her yell turning into a muffled moan as she bit her bottom lip. My finger finding her inner folds while my thumb strummed her clit had her body trembling. This was something Sky relished and hated with a passion.

This woman welcomed the body trembling climax as I kissed my way down ignore the plea in her eyes. I scooped her up onto my shoulders giving full access of her lower extremities to my mouth. My goal was to keep it going as long as possible and possibly even give her another. Licking inside and out made her thighs squeeze as she pulled at my short dreads. Denying her the release of rolling my tongue along her clit until I felt her juices flowing down my chin.

An explosion went off in her body as I applied steady pressure to her clit. Her nails scratched at my scalp and her thighs blocked all sound as she locked them over my ears. As her climax came down she released her vice grip on me and breathed heavily. As I back away I flicked her clit one last time and felt her back away.

"Was that resistance?" A wicked smile spread across my face as she looked down sheepishly. I grabbed a towel from the rack and grabbed her hands. "I hope you can cover the damages."

I ripped the towel into several strips and soaked them with water and the hotel provided soap. With each one I would slowly slide them over another erogenous part of her body. I decided against the soap for the final strip. Opting instead to blindfold her with it. As I stood admiring this soapy piece of art I'd made her hands reached out for me. I sidestepped them and whispered into her ear.

"Not yet my pet."

She froze in place as the stream of water rained down on her. I quickly grabbed a cloth and bathed her body gently. Cleaning her from the neck down. She relaxed the longer this went on until she could no longer feel my touch. I watched as she tilted her head to listen for the faintest sound of me, searching for the smallest notion that I hadn't abandoned her.

As she reached for the blindfold I bound her hands and quietly shushed into her ears. These were the things I'd wanted to do with Sky but she didn't trust me to care for her this intimately. But here was this stranger willingly surrendering herself to me. Rubenesque body presented to me with no hesitation. I took her hands and placed them on my cock moving her hands to instruct her to stroke me.

I placed a hand on her shoulder and she instinctively went to her knees. Her face hovering inches away from me I pushed forward penetrating her lips. Her warm tongue swirling around my dick as I pushed in and out of her mouth.As her rhythm became steady I pulled back, forcing her to lean forward for me.

My deep chuckle was drowned out by the water. Her nose was pressed into my naval as she choked on my length. I forcefully pushed her off of me and watched as the water cleaned the spit and saliva from her face. I turned her around and pushed her onto all four. The water pounded on my back as I slowly eased inside of her. Building a steady motion and feeling her push back into me.

As I took over grabbing her hips and slamming into her the wet sounds echoed inside the bathroom. As much as I was enjoying this I needed to remember why I was doing it. I focused wholly on busting my nut and raising up out of here. Her clenching helped speed the process up and she could tell. She began to beg me not to pull out and I complied.

Exhausted I stayed in place as the water washed over me. I slowly pulled out cleaning my shaft as it shrank back to its flaccid state. I untied her and removed the blindfold. She eagerly fetched a washcloth to clean me up. I stood in place as she moved around me cleaning every inch. When she tried to get me hard again I swatted her hand away.

"That should square up our debt. And this hopefully remains a secret." I was rushing to get dressed and out of this blissful nightmare. "Please don't come looking for me."

"That's going to be hard considering how good pets are at finding their masters," she joked. "But I understand."

I winced at the nickname and bolted out of the door. With cleared street I cautiously steered to my home shaking my head at what I'd done. It couldn't be justified and I would be damned if she left me because of this. As I pulled into the parking garage a familiar powder blue Pontiac drove by me. The shirtless passenger was laughing as he turned to leave.

Shaking it off I walked through the halls of the apartment complex and fished out my keys to the door. Slow music could be heard through the door and the smell of fresh candles could be heard. I scrunched my brows in confusion because this was her post-coitus routine and I wasn't here last night. Then the realization hit me. He was here last night, snowed in with Sky, and we had just had our biggest fight ever.

My keys dropped to the floor as I slid down the opposite wall in dismay. I shook my head with doubt but the evidence was there. I couldn't accuse her after what I'd just done but for her to sleep with MY boss was a whole other level of betrayal. That smug bastard would probably be smiling every day just thinking about this. The rage took a hold of me as I forced myself up.

Shoving the key into the door I burst through it and saw her look of joy. It slowly faded as she saw the anger on my face. Her confused expression only made me feel worse.

"So I just saw Michael on his way out." Her realization didn't show as I began to explain. "He looked extremely happy considering he was snowed in 45 minutes away from his home. Any idea why that is?"

"He probably knows someone else who live nearby. I did tell you I saw him a few times in the neighborhood while I was out."

This brought up another realization in me. He was on lunch calls for two hours on those days. My apartment was 15 minutes away. Those lunch calls started when I got my promotion four months ago. She quit her job because I didn't want her to have to work again after she put me through college.

"I have all the addresses and contact information of all of his associates and sneaky links. None of them live near here. What was he doing HERE?"

Her face lost all expression as she shook her head. "You were gonna find out one way or another. Michael and I have been seeing each other and I think it's time you moved on as well."

There it was. The dagger through the heart I'd been waiting for. I clinched my fists as I paced through the front room. All the while she stood there with no expression or words. The tornado of thoughts going through my head landed on hurting her but I held it in. Looking back at her I could only ask one question.

"Why?"

"You're too nice to me. I need a man who can handle me, put me in my place and treat me how I want to be treated in private," She explained walking to the door. "He spoils me in public and uses me in private. Something a BOY like you wouldn't understand. And that's what I need in my life. Not someone who worships everything about me or is my every beckoning call."

"So I treated you like a queen and this is what you've wanted all along?" I slumped onto the chair shaking my head. The smile on my face scared me. "All this time and you said nothing."

"You're a great guy. And I'm sure someone out there would love to be with you." A bit of fear had entered her voice as she noticed the smile. "But I'm not the one you need. I'll be by to get my things later."

"So you hurt me and you're not even going to apologize?" I asked looking up at her.

"I'm pretty sure after last night we both knew this was where it was heading." She looked at me with a sly smile. "Although I may have broken you for the next poor girl."

The door closed behind her as I sat shaking my head. Her laughter should have done something to me, made me feel anything, but I could only think about the cougar. How I could use a stress reliever at this very moment. At that moment my phone buzzed. I sighed as I checked the notification.

An ad for therapy made me laugh to myself. After all of this I could do with some venting to help me get back to normal. I scrolled down and my jaw dropped. Dr. Clarice WIlliams had a picture of brunette hair flowing down to her shoulders and a pair of captivating green eyes hidden behind glasses. Was God sending me help or was the Devil tempting me? I shrugged and turned on my PS4 to play Paladins.

[crescentsteel]

Just Friends - Part 5

plot: fubu set up with Kuroo as a university student, model fem reader  warnings: a bit angsty I guess? word count: 5100

A/N: - Thank you so much for those who reblogged every...freaking...chapter I-  - Special thanks to @cherryonigiri​ for the shoutout last week. ur too kind :( - I’ve been writing every single night since Chapter 1, and I can feel the burnout coming. So it might (MIGHT) take longer to finish the next one.  - Should I do a taglist or sumthin? I remember someone asking before but didn’t go through it cause I don’t think a lot are interested lol

Part 4 | Part 6 | m.list

“We got the shots. Thanks everyone!” The creative director, Mitsuki, wraps up the shoot. ‘Thank God,’ you thought. You head to the dressing room and change into your own clothes.

Mitsuki goes to you after you change. You’ve worked with her several times since she’s well-known in the industry. You like her because he’s approachable and is easy to work with. You often share nonwork-related conversation during shoots.

“You look dreadful. What happened to you?”

She just had to remind you that you barely slept. You were tossing and turning trying to not think about last night’s events. You only had two hours of sleep and you exist right now only because of caffeine. Although, your eyes sting and you can feel a headache coming. Still, you’re thankful for today’s work. Because of it, you’re preoccupied with something else other than him.

“Rough night.” You answer lifelessly.

“Oooh, do tell,” she looks at you meaningfully, hoping for any juicy story you might be holding. Unfortunately for her, it’s not something you’re ready to share with anyone.

“Next time, Mitsuki.” You give her an apologetic smile and go to your car.

Once on the driver’s seat, you check your phone for any text message. No new messages. Disappointment hits you. You don’t know what you’re expecting exactly, but you just want to hear from him. He’d pester you when you don’t want him to, but now that you do, he doesn’t.

You throw your head back at your seat. Kuroo has definitely screwed you beyond his bed. This is so unlike you.

If you need something, you get it yourself. That’s how you are and what you should be doing. You can no longer ignore your feelings and expect them to go away. You doubt you’ll be sleeping with him again anyways, given your current state.

You’ve never had this set-up with anyone else but you’re pretty sure that not one party should develop any romantic feelings. You need to let him know that you are confused and you’re misinterpreting his actions recently. You don’t know how things will turn out, but at least you’ll get some clarity as to what you two are. Rattling your brains out won’t give you an answer, talking to him would. He’ll probably figure out what you feel for him even if you don’t spell it out.

You’ve never confessed to anyone, you’ve always been on the receiving end. To be honest, you don’t want to. But to hell with your pride if you can’t function properly because of it.

With your mind made up, you send him a message.

‘Hey. Wanna meet tonight? I need to tell you something.’

–

He arrives at the bar where you first met. That’s where you told him to be. He goes to the counter and is deciding what he’ll have before you show up.

He went a little earlier than what you said in your text. He’s doing nothing anyways and he couldn’t stay still. You made it seem important. Maybe it was about last night.

When you let him in your place, he was really pleased. He thought you could continue where you left off. You were tense back on the rooftop, but he considered it was because of the open space. But when it was only the two of you, you were more flustered. It was so cute actually. You’re always so feisty in and out of bed, but last night you looked timid and vulnerable even more than you did when he went to your university.

Since when were you so threatened by him? There’s no need to be. It’s not like you like him or somethin.

As if. He’s already lucky enough to be banging you, he won’t kid himself into thinking you like him.

…

But what if you do? On the slight chance that that’s what you’re gonna tell him, how should he respond? He hasn’t really thought of it. You’re always so guarded and seem like you’re in only for the fun as well. That was the case until you’ve been spending a lot of time without actually fucking. You slowly filled him in the gaps of who you are as a person and boy, does he like you a lot. Even Kenma does, to the point that Kenma’s been hinting that you two should date. He usually dismisses it as you and him are only ‘good’ friends. Although he’s positive that Kenma’s not buying that shit. Kenma probably knows what’s going between you two.

Also, you’re the only girl he’s shagged exclusively for this long. Usually, this set-up is good for him only for a month or two tops. It’s been more or less 6 months already with you, but it’s never boring, sex or not. He’s always looking forward to seeing you. He likes it when you always have a quick-witted counter to his provocation. He finds it adorable when you let him take care of you. Your face when you blush is just too fucking precious. It warms him up when he sees you genuinely smiling. He won’t mind at all if you continue like this longer.

Ah shit.

“Glass of whiskey,” he tells the bartender. He immediately drinks the liquor, the burn on his throat soothing the riot going on on his head.

It sounded like he’s way past just liking you. He takes another sip at his own frustration. He shouldn’t be thinking this hard. It was just a what-if situation anyway. You probably don’t like him that way, and now he’s upset at the conclusion he came up with.

It’s bad to have feelings for you. First, he doesn’t know how you feel about him. If he lets you know that he does, you might cut him off from the ‘benefits’ of your friendship. Your chemistry in bed is too good to let go. Second, let’s say you do like him, is he really sure of what he’s feeling? Isn’t it just because you’ve been so physically intimate for so long that he’s mixing it up as something remotely close to love? He doesn’t want a half-baked relationship if you both decide to take things seriously.

“Need some company?”

A pretty blonde girl sits beside him. Pretty, but nowhere near as pretty as you are. He checks his phone for the time and if there’s any message from you.

45 minutes till your said meet up time. He takes his drink and ushers the blondie to a standing table. The conversation he shares with her is casual, at first at least. After a few minutes, she’s already batting her eyes at him and bites her lip every now and then. Her touch on his arms lingers when she playfully slaps his biceps.

All too easy. He’s not even trying.

Since the opportunity is here, guess he’ll go for it. He’s definitely not sleeping with this blondie, but a 'lil playtime before you arrive won’t hurt. Maybe that would clear up the confusion in his head.

Alright, blondie. Whatever she’s rambling about, time to shut up. He grabs her shoulders and goes for her lips. She pulls him closer by putting her arms around his neck. She lets out a soft moan in the kiss.

A few seconds, but still nothing. He has to try harder. He grabs her ass to feel her more, to excite himself, to get rid of unwanted thoughts on his head. He closed his eyes shut and focused on the body that he’s holding at this moment.

‘Congratulations, Kuroo.’

Scenes from last night rushed in his head. Your smile. Your lips against his. The warmth of your body succumbed to him.

He can’t do this.

He harshly pulls himself away from the girl. He tastes something vile in his throat that doesn’t resemble anything close to the whiskey he’s having. It’s horrible. He’s disgusted with himself. All he could think about is you. It doesn’t feel right with someone else. It should be you he’s holding.

He thought himself smart, but right now he’s one hundred percent sure that he’s being a fucking idiot. How could he think that this nobody of a lady can take you off his mind? How dare he touch someone else right before meeting you?

“What’s wrong?” She whines while her eyes are pleading for him to continue. He smiles sourly.

“Sorry, but I’m actually with someone.” The blondie’s face got all scrunched up.

“Douchebag,” she mutters as she walks away. And that he is, a total douchebag.

He goes back to the counter and orders himself another round. Looks like he needs to tell you something as well.

–

You came just a tad bit early. You managed to take a nap, but you woke up before the alarm set off. You’re still restless, but you feel a bit better than this morning. You decided to meet Kuroo at the bar where you first met. Weird place to talk, but you don’t wanna come off as too serious about it. You want it to be as casual as possible, as casual as confessing could be. Where could be more casual than the place where you first hooked up?

You can’t decide if that was genius of you or plain moronic, but you go with it anyway.

You’ve already pep talked yourself while driving. You know the words to say. You’ve rehearsed them in your head. You’re ready.

Right when you enter the bar, you start feeling queasy. Can you really do this? You go to the restroom to clear your head. If you go to your car, you might just back off and go home.

You look at yourself in the mirror. There’s no alcohol in your system but you’re flushed already.

“Oops, sorry.” It’s a drunk girl who’s now giggling at her clumsiness. She stops when she looks at your face. “Oh deaaaar, you look like you’ve had tsu many. Yer so red. You okaaay?” She seems really concerned, but you can’t help but be amused. She’s slurring way too much. She worries for a stranger getting too drunk when she, herself, has probably had too many already.

You snigger. “Yes, I am. Are you?” You throw back the concern she just gave you. She cackles at your question. “I donut know. Am I?” It’s contagious. Being anxious about your plans tonight, you’re more susceptible to humor. A second later and you’re laughing as well.

“Um. Thank you,” you smile at her. She just eased up your nerves without even knowing it. You exit the comfort room.

You try to find a comfortable place to seat yourself when you see Kuroo talking with a blonde girl. He doesn’t look interested at all, but you notice her touching him flirtatiously. You don’t do anything. Why should you? That’s up to Kuroo. Any moment now and he should be shoving her away. He’s meeting you after all.

You keep watching and waiting, until he puts his drink on the table and does the complete opposite of what you’re expecting. Your feet stay planted on the ground as everything unfolds right before your eyes, everything getting worse as seconds tick by. They’re basically clinging onto each other with her arms around him and his hands on her waist, all while engaged in intense lip-locking. He looks really into it. His hands travel down to the girl’s butt, and that’s about it for you.

You turn on your heels and make your way to the door. You feel like actually throwing up. Not only that, you’re suffocating as well. The neon lights make you dizzy. The music makes your ears ring. Every damn thing about this place hurts.

“Watch it!” you hear someone say, but you ignore it. You’ve been bumping into people while you scamper your way to the exit. You don’t care. You need to get out of here fast. You can’t stand it.

The exit is just a foot away. You extend your hand at the doorknob and hurl your body to make it outside. The fresh air was piercing against your lungs, reminding you how much of a reality was the scene you just witnessed. The relief you’re expecting and longing for doesn’t come.

Sadly, you can’t just stand there while people are passing you by as they enter the place. You need to go.

Each step you take is heavy. Each step vibrates through your whole body. You couldn’t process anything. The only thing you know is you want to go home. You want to be alone. You want to scream.

“Y.n.?”

Perfect. Just perfect. The flood of emotions surge through you when you see Kenma. What’s he even doing here?

“Have you seen Kuroo?” He says something after but you can only make out certain words.

Keys. Meet. Okay.

You want to speak but your throat hurts. You can feel your whole body shaking at how hard you’re trying to keep it together.

“What did you s-s-s…” You can’t finish your sentence. You bite your lip so hard that you taste blood. That would be better than you breaking down in public. Still, you can already feel tears in the corners of your eyes. One more word and you’ll probably lose it.

Kenma moves closer to you, studying your face. You try to hide it, but you know that anyone with two functional eyes can see that you’re in pain. He looks around, eyeing for a place where you can talk in private.

“Did you bring your car?” You only nod once. You don’t need to say anything for him to follow the direction you’re heading at. You keep your breaths short for you fear that an impeding sob might escape.

You both get in the back seat.

When the doors shut, you throw your head back to the seat.

“Y.n., what happened?” You face him with blurred vision from the tears you held. He’s never been expressive, so when you see intense worry on his face, you crumble.

You cover your mouth with trembling hands to tone down your screeching sobs. You weren’t aware that you could get hurt this much. The scene you just witnessed keeps replaying in your head. It hurts. It hurts. You want it to stop, but it doesn't.

You feel a hand patting your head. It was oddly comforting.

“I fell for him,” your voice strained from how hard you cried. You don’t want to get into the details of how last night was enchanting for you, how he made you feel things no else had. How special he made you feel. You even thought that there was a chance that he sees you more than the ‘friend’ you are.

Kenma’s expression remains the same. He must’ve known already. Were you that obvious? Were you so easy to read? If he knows, does Kuroo know too?

He stays silent, waiting for what comes after what you just said.

“I saw him with someone else inside.”

“Maybe it’s just someone he knows.”

Someone he knows, huh? Wasn’t that how you two started? There at that bar, cocktail in your hand, his lips on your neck. Tonight isn’t any different, except it was not you he’s holding.

“You should talk to him, y.n. I think he feels the same to you.” An empty laugh erupts from you. It was bitter and pathetic. Like you.

“You were right before. We aren’t just friends. We are fuck buddies above all. That’s why he likes me. I’m a convenient lay for him.”

Another wave of sadness comes. You feel the warm streaks of liquid in your cheeks again. You let it trickle down your face.

That’s how much of a real relationship you can get from Kuroo. Pretense of friends while letting yourselves get off to each other. At the end of the day, you weren’t his and he wasn’t yours to keep. You could easily replace each other. Let someone else warm your beds.

All this time, you haven’t slept with anyone else. You’re satisfied with just him. You thought it was an unspoken agreement that it would only be you two. Even if casual, you thought it was exclusive. But that might not be the case. Tonight was proof that you could easily be replaced. Or worse, you could just be one of them.

Now you have another emotion added to your tray of feelings. You’re furious. He could’ve at least told you that you were having sex with other women. You saw him as a friend. If he was decent enough, he should’ve at least told you that and let you decide if you still want to keep your arrangement.

Being friends with benefits sucks big time. You shouldn’t have done this. You were confident that you could handle it. Obviously, you thought wrong. Falling stupidly in love with Kuroo is downright deplorable.

“Go back inside y.n. It might not be what you think it is.”

“I was going to confess tonight, you know. I was the one who asked him to meet. Only to find him canoodling with some bimbo while groping her ass. Tell me Kenma, is it not what it is?”

You see Kenma squirm on his seat. “What the heck is he doing?” He whispers while his eyes dart to the bar you just came from.

You sniff and wipe your face with the hem of your shirt. “Screw him,” you say.

Kenma presses his lips together, as if trying to hold back something he wants to say. You didn’t want to, but you figure it out anyways.

“But I already did, didn’t I?”

Kenma smiles apologetically. “Sorry.”

“Do you want me to hit Kuroo and stuff?” he adds.

You imagine Kenma throwing Kuroo’s PS4 at him, which makes you giggle. You’d be willing to pay big time to see that happen.

“Thanks, Kenma. You didn’t have to be here, but you are.”

You’ve never had too many friends from your upbringing. Sure you hang out with people, and there were really fun times. But no one was there when you felt lonely. You got used to it. You didn’t know that it was this relieving to have someone just actually be there.

“But please, no matter what. Never tell him you saw me.”

“But what if he asks?”

“I was never here.”

He nods.

“Will you be okay?”

“Somehow... You should go, Kenma. I’ve kept you long enough.”

You both exit your car at the same time. Before you move to the driver’s seat, you call Kenma.

“I’d appreciate it if you accidentally hit him with a controller.” You put air quotes on ‘accidentally’. “Maybe twice or thrice. I’ll replace it when it breaks,” you add. Kenma grins the widest you’ve seen him do.

“You’re funny, y.n. Kuroo is dumb.”

You smile faintly. “Thanks, Kenma. Really.”

–

It’s been months since you’ve left Japan. Now you’re back. You have mixed feelings as you find yourself in the familiar airport terminal. You look at the gate across you. That was exactly where you exited before, with your eyes swollen and your heart broken.

You left because it was too much for you. You realized how spoiled you were in life, always getting what you wanted. You didn’t have any relationship you could call authentic, but in the same way, you had nothing to lose. No friendship fights, no drifting aparts, nothing. So when you fell for someone who wasn’t yours to keep, it tore you in ways you weren’t cognizant of.

You cut him out after that certain night in the bar. You blocked his number, his social media accounts, and warned the staff in your condo to not let anyone visit. You were scared that if he reached out, you would yield to him. Because despite the misery he brought, you missed him. But you wouldn’t allow yourself to do that. You wouldn’t continue to be his play thing while sinking deeper into that hell hole of loving him.

That’s why you had to leave. But before you did, you gave in one last time to your wretched feelings. You unblocked his number and texted him.

“What I really wanted to tell you the other night was I’m leaving. Want to meet before my flight?”

You didn’t know what you wanted back then. Parting sex or for him to stop you?

It didn’t matter though. Since he did not show up, much less even replied.

For some reason, you felt like letting Kenma know that you were leaving. He was there when you were broken, and in a way, he's your friend too. You leave him a brief goodbye message and never let Kuroo know the details of your disappearance.

Then you boarded the plane with crushed hopes and a shattered ego.

That time, you’ve never been more grateful that you came from a privileged family. You left your studies behind and flew to the U.S. There, you continued your modeling career. You began taking it seriously. You were no longer picky - big or small project, you accepted it.

You came back because several Japanese brands wanted you as their model. You obliged of course. You liked being busy and you believe you’re good at what you do.

Your phone reminder about tonight’s event goes off, speaking of which. The shoe brand you worked with in the US is launching their line in Japan. They just made you their official Japanese brand ambassador.

No rest for you. Just how you wanted it.

–

The MSBY members line up when they arrive at the place. Media immediately catches up with cameras all over them.

“Hey hey heeeeey!” Bokuto yells eagerly to the photographers.

Atsumu is doing his signature fist in the air pose before he serves.

Hinata is smiling ear to ear with his hand on his head, not knowing how to pose for the media. Sakusa, on the other hand, has his hands on his pockets with no expression on his face.

Kuroo might have made a wrong decision in letting Sakusa be the fourth person to attend. He should’ve chosen someone more camera-friendly from their roster. Oh well. What’s done is done. What’s important is he got to sign a deal with the brand to sponsor MSBY.

When he graduated, he immediately got accepted at the Japanese Volleyball Association, Sports Promotion Division. It’s just as he wanted, to make use of his education and still be involved with the sport that he loves.

Part of tonight’s job is going around and greeting the Marketing staff of the brand. He engages in small talk and thanks them for the opportunity. The event is simple, nothing too fancy. It’s a bit dull for his taste, probably because the shoe line is all-encompassing - lifestyle, sports, formal wear. Hence, the lack of a specific theme.

After the obligatory chatters, he goes back to where he left the guys, but finds not one of them there. Damn it.

One thing he likes about his job is he got to reconnect with several people from his high school who are now part of the Japanese pro teams. The drawback is that sometimes he has to handle them, especially at events like this. He knows Bokuto and Hinata all too well, so he knows how to manage the two. However, with Miya and Kiyoomi in the fray, it’s a different ball game. Knowing how chaotic the four can get, he picks up the pace.

‘For Christ’s sake, they better not be fucking around.’ He says in his head while his eyes search for any of the four.

Unknown to Kuroo, Atsumu is strolling around the area with Sakusa after the photographers had their fill of them. He suddenly stops and fixates his gaze on something that catches his interest. “Omi-kun. Imma introduce myself to that chick over there. Couldja not tell Kuroo-san?”

Sakusa looks at the direction Atsumu’s looking at. When he sees the subject of interest, he scowls. He’s already sure that Atsumu’s about to make a move on the girl he just eyed. “Don’t. Technically, we’re at work.”

It falls on deaf ears. Atsumu waves nonchalantly as he walks away from him. He’s gonna get that hot chick’s number and no one’s stopping him.

“Miya-san! We were looking for you.” Hinata suddenly appears. Atsumu doesn’t notice him approaching because his attention is on the girl.

“Yeah, Tsum-tsum. Where did you go?” Atsumu glares at Bokuto. “Don’t call me that in public!” he says angrily in hushed tones. He looks around to see if anyone heard, then lets out a frustrated sigh.

“Oh look. There’s a cute lady!” Hinata says with excitement. Bokuto’s eyes go after where Hinata is looking at. “Woah! Let’s go greet her?” Bokuto asks Hinata enthusiastically. Hinata nods with the same eagerness.

Atsumu grits his teeth. “What the hell?! I saw her first!”

“So? We can all say hi.” Bokuto retorts innocently. Atsumu wants to snap at Bokuto’s lack of ability to take a hint. “Let’s go, Hinata!” Hinata and Bokuto march towards the girl. Atsumu walks briskly to catch up to the two.

“There’s no way you two are going before me” he says while getting a step ahead of them.

Sakusa looks at the three dunces who’s now hogging the poor girl. Even at a distance, he can hear their voices. He already knows that Kuroo will be smacking them if he sees them, including him, despite not being involved in their ruckus. He should pacify them before they do something more embarrassing.

He goes to where they are and grabs Bokuto’s shoulder. “Hey. Cut it out.”

“Oh, btw. This is Omi-kun. You should see him warm up. His wrists are so cool! But freaky.”

Sakusa’s eye twitches. It’s not his intention to be introduced, and the way Bokuto did it is not to his liking.

He looks at the girl who looks like she’s just putting up with them. “You’re bothering her.” He says, reprimanding.

Atsumu feels a firm grip on his shoulders. Must be Sakusa on his grill instead since he couldn’t faze Bokuto. Atsumu’s temper is seething at how he’s persistently getting cockblocked tonight. “Fuck off, Omi-kun.” he hisses under his breath.

“Excuse me?”

Atsumu freezes when he recognizes the voice. He slowly looks at who the voice came from, hoping that he was wrong. Very unfortunately for Atsumu, he was dead on. He stands up straight and looks somewhere else. The other three notices how he suddenly stops talking. When they look at him, they see Kuroo instead, his eyes in crescent slits and a sinister smile creeping on his face. They stop muddling around and stand up straight at the same time, joining Atsumu like a bunch of middle schoolers being discplined.

“Come on now, boys.” Kuroo says with hidden threat on his voice. He’s never putting these four in the same campaign again. He’s the same age as them, but he feels like he’s losing his youth when he’s working with these four oafs. He has to always step it up or else they’re all going to get in trouble. He sighs.

He turns to the girl.

“I’m so sorry about th-”

He blinks a few times to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. But he can’t be wrong. He can never mistake you as someone else. Everything about you is etched in his brain.

His eyes roam all over you, letting himself be captivated by you again - your alluring eyes, your soft lips, your breasts that fit just right in his hands, your legs that wrapped around his back when you felt too good.

It really is you in the flesh. You, who suddenly vanished and left him hanging right when he realized that he wanted more than what your friendship offered.

He had no idea what happened. That night when you said you were going to meet him, you did not show up. Not a text or call to let him know why, even the days after. But he let it slide. He thought maybe it was just your usual disappearing act. You did disappear though. For good.

A lot of times, he still thinks about a particular day. He stayed up all night drinking and playing games and when he woke up, he saw one text from you. He’s never been that excited just from one text. At last, you decided to show up again. His excitement quickly turned to panic when he read it.

“…I’m leaving. Wanna meet before my flight?”

A text that was sent hours earlier when he was still out of it. What if he woke up earlier? What if he read your text and met with you? What difference would that have made?

Until now, it’s still on his mind how he frantically pressed his phone keys and called you back as many times as he could, only to get a “cannot be reached” prompt every time. He tried searching for you but he couldn’t. Your social media accounts were all gone. Since he did not know anyone in your life, there was no one to ask. He thought you both had a chance, but in a snap, you were gone from his life.

It stung more than he wanted to admit. He eventually gave up. He wouldn't be able to find someone who doesn’t want to be found. Yet, you’re here, in front of him. Just a few steps and he can hold you.

Seeing you still as beautiful as he remembers, brings a familiar tug in his chest that he’s not sure he likes.

“Kuroo, if you wanted to say hi too, just say so.” Bokuto complains, noticing how he’s ogling at you as well. He notices how the other three are frowning at him as well.

He scoffs. These boys have no fucking clue that what he had in mind was more than meagerly saying hi.

“Yea, yea. My bad.” He puts his hands mid-air and pins a phony smile on his face. He turns to you and puts his hands on his pockets.

“Sorry about them.” You open your mouth to say something but your gaze drifts to the four Jackals who are looking at both of you. Instead, you smile politely and bow. What a fake-ass personality.

He’s at work and there shouldn’t be any monkey business, but he can’t resist the urge. He’s not having this polite facade you’re pulling right now. He hasn’t seen you in months. He needs to see the real you. He moves closer. You falter and take one step back. Too bad for you, his strides are longer. Just one step and you’re already within his grasp. Finally. He tucks your hair behind your ear, his touch lingering on your jaw.

“How’re you, kitten?” He says a bit too loud than he wanted.

Your eyes become wide as saucers with crimson specks dusting your cheeks. He takes delight at the sight. You look exactly as you did on that rooftop.

 Part 4 | Part 6 | m.list

[collectivefandomstuff]

Hey mom! I’m stressed at 1am, any advice? I’m having trouble in school via studying sometimes it feels like we’re going from 0 to 100. And I need better study habits, do you have any advice? Bc sometimes it feels like I’m so afraid of failure that if I do study to my full potential (sounds weird) I feel like I loose the excuse of saying oh I got a bad score bc I goofed off. Like if I actually do all my effort to study and do bad, then is there something wrong with me??

(A/N: this answer is so long I almost feel ashamed to post it. I’m very sorry everyone. Anyway, if you’re looking for the concrete tips they’re at the end :) )

Hey :)

This doesn’t sound weird at all because I’m the exact same way. This way of thinking is actually more common than you’d think, and is often a part of the cognitive profile of perfectionism (btw, perfectionism isn’t that apt a name but I digress. Also, this way of thinking doesn’t mean you’re a perfectionist.). Anyway, I know a bunch of people who’ve experienced this, and the common factor isn’t fear of failure, but rather what it is you think you’re failing at. For example, I once told my therapist that I was super stressed over a bunch of stuff and I also had a paper I had to get done, and he asked me what would happen if I didn’t turn it in on time and I was like “academically? nothing. mentally? I wouldn’t be me anymore.” And that’s the stitch.

The people I know who struggle with this are often (though not exclusively) girls, and often people who’re pretty smart. They spent their childhood being told over and over that they were gifted, intelligent, and good at school. And back then, that was easy to live up to. They danced through the first few years of school without any issue, and enjoyed it a lot. They did their homework, understood stuff, and were usually “good kids”.

Now, we’re always growing and re-shaping our sense of self, but the foundations are lain when we’re children. So, when people around you keep identifying you as a smart/good student, then we start identifying ourselves like that too. Especially if it is being reinforced by your actual achievements. And then, suddenly, getting good grades isn’t about doing well or working hard, it’s about identity. It’s about who you are at your core. Thus, the stakes become infinitely higher. If you fail at a math test that you really studied for, then that means that you don’t have what it takes, and that means you are no longer yourself- the intelligent kid who’s good at school. A test might not be that anxiety-inducing, but losing your whole sense of self is. So, in that case procastination makes a lot of sense, because as long as you don’t fail while doing your best then you never put your identity on the line.

(This also applies if failing at school has become synonymous with being a failure, i.e. if you’ve been taught that doing well academically is the only way to be a successful/useful person in society, or if academic success has merged with the idea of a happy future so it feels like failing autmatically leads to an unhappy life. Essentially, mental structures that lead to a misconception of the stakes involved in a single exam/paper/task.)

That said, I do have some more practical things to say here. First off, sometimes we’re in a situation where we can’t do our best and that’s okay. I’ve failed exams, tests, papers, you name it and I still have my degree in the end. It’s never the end all of things.

Now, my own biggest freak out like this came when I started uni. My first paper I went completely insane and procrastinated like crazy, and I failed. And then the though crept in “what if I can’t do this? What if this is it. I can’t handle higher education, even if I try my hardest?” The anxiety was... big bad and mad.

I should say for this next part that my therapist once told me that I have a strangely aggressive approach to handling anxiety. Moving on. I sat down and said to myself “what is worse, to try my hardest and fail or half-ass it and never be able to live the life I want?” Since the answer was pretty obvious, I got to it. I had about 5 weeks until the next exam, and I sat down and planned every single hour until then. I studied for that damn test like I’ve never studied before, and whenever I felt anxious I would tell it to FUCK OFF and focus on the task I had planned. I didn’t allow myself to think beyond that first planning session, I just did what was next on the agenda. What am I supposed to do right now? read these 10 pages? Ok.

I’ve had two exams during my studies where I failed (the second due to the situation I was in) and ended up in this spiral. And here’s the funny thing: I have a small number of courses in uni where I got a higher grade. They include 1) courses that I found extremly interesting and 2) those two courses.

Okay! I know this is already so fucking long but I want to give you some actual tips too. Number one is obviously to plan. Take a whole day, sit down and plan the next month. Consider all your assignments, when they’re due, what you need to do to study, how long that’ll take and when that is done most efficiently. Plan everything in your calendar. Give yourself enough time for each task that you can do it even if you’re not super super focused. Do not study outside these hours. When you’re done for the day you’re done for the day. This way, there’s a clear, reachable end to each study session and you don’t feel as compelled to postpone tasks. When you sit down to study, don’t worry about the other stuff you have to do, or other subjects that you haven’t done yet. They’re all in the plan, all you have to do is what is in front of you. As long as you keep doing that you’ll make it. (If the plan goes to shit for some reason, take a day to plan a make a new one. It happens).

Some things to consider:

Different subjects are best studied in different ways. I used to set aside 15-30 minutes every day in high school for Italian, where I’d sit down and read the chapter we were working on out loud. I didn’t even focus that hard, I just did it every day- the chapter and the glossary. I STILL remember some sentences from that book. Math is best done in longer stretches, but not too long. 1-2 hours preferably. Think about how YOU work. Do you best read a textbook in one go or in increments? Do you learn better in a coffee-shop or your room? Silence? Music? This can also change depending on your subject. Plan accordingly.

For reading, time your reading speed for the book. Read a page at normal speed and clock it, then multiply that by the pages you need to read to see how much time you’ll have to plan for. Round up to give yourself room for spacing out.

Plan for breaks. Think about your normal need for it, but the uni standard is 15 minutes for every 45, making an even hour. Find a break activity that’s has a specific end, for example making some more tea/coffee and snacks and doing some stretches, or maybe playing one race in mario kart. Avoid things that you can get stuck doing beyond the alotted break time.

Buffers. For every five hours or so, plan one hour of buffer time. This is time that you can use if something takes longer than expected. If you do everything as planned, this is surprise free time! :D If you have a long study session, plan 30 minute buffers every two or three hours to be used for extra breaks and to keep panic at bay. Buffers will save your life.

Make a chart with different tasks and have little boxes that you get to fill in with fun colours when you’re done. If you have to read 100 pages, do a bar with ten boxes, that way you can see your progress visually.

Plan for days/evenings that are free. Plan what you’re going to do those days, like “movie night with X”, “play videogames and eat cupcakes”, “take a long bath and read a good book”. That way, you use your free time well and can use those days and evenings as incentive.

Prioritize your work. If you have too much to do, make a list of what’s most to least important and focus on doing the important stuff first. This includes studying tasks. What’s more important, reading that text for the third time or really understanding integrals?

Drink lots of water and eat sugar. It’s brain food. I usually bake before an intense week. That way when I feel myself going down I can go get a cupcake instead of taking time to make something to eat, or worse- try to soldier through which never works.

I hope this helped a little at least :) Good Luck! I believe in you! 💙💜

[incompletionism]

Hands On with... The Outbound Ghost

“Back after so many years?” booms a mysterious voice as we’re transported to an otherworldly realm, filled with glowing orbs that speed towards the titular spook of The Outbound Ghost, “I wonder how you’ve changed.”. Whoever they are, they could just as easily be talking about the Paper Mario series that inspired the game.

Originally an RPG spinoff of the core Mario games, the Paper Mario games soon became a strong series in their own right, characterised by witty dialogue and 2D sprites in a papery 3D world. As the series went on, the games began to move away from their stat-based RPG roots and closer and closer to puzzle/action/exploration hybrids.

This, plus the introduction of new and often intrusive gimmicks in each subsequent entry from Super Paper Mario’s flip mechanic on-wards, alienated a lot of the series’ original fans.

Fans of the first two (Paper Mario on the N64 and The Thousand Year Door on the Gamecube), have since taken matters in their own hands, most notably 2020’s Bug Fables, but with The Outbound Ghost’s Kickstarter coming to an end tomorrow, I thought it was time I took at this promising successor to TTYD’s throne.

The demo (Currently available on Steam!) begins with a car careening down a quiet country road at night. Suddenly, the screen cuts to black and we hear the shriek of tires before a ghost steps out of the flaming wreck.

A cute, blue-glowing 2D sprite that wouldn’t look out of place in a Paper Mario Ghost Mansion, the nameless ghost wears a simple, often neutral, expression and a little tuft of hair. This baby-faced apparition reminds me of Casper the Friendly Ghost just a tad, and the thick white borders around this and every other character sprite calls to mind the borders of stickers, which fits the paper theme well.

Although the first impression of it is consumed by fire, I have to say now that the world in this game is gorgeous. Each individual blade of grass wafts in the breeze and makes the world feel like our own, rather than a series of dioramas. Whether that’s going to be a bridge too far for fans of Paper Mario’s handcrafted world, I’m not sure, but it certainly means this would not run on the N64, and I have to confess that my laptop struggled at times, which makes me question how well it’ll run on the Switch.

That’s a shame, as The Outbound Ghost’s controls feel like they’re better suited for a console than a PC. Even though it uses the classic WASD/arrow keys and you have some kind of crystal that allows you to dash with the space bar, one glaring example of this was when equipping a shovel. Each of the four slots were at 45-degree angles, which was not the most intuitive thing to navigate with four directions, but would be a breeze with an analogue stick.

Also easier with more than four directions to move in are what I call the “faint and have an out-of-(non)body experience in a weird purple dimension where orbs and a mysterious voice just won’t leave you alone” sections. Two of these appear in the demo, and both of them award you with a Brave or Timid soul (represented by a yellow or blue puddle in your inventory) based on how many orbs you let hit you. This feels rather counterintuitive considering the bullet hell sections, which involve dodging projectiles heading your way as usual.

Fans of Danganronpa and Undertale will recognise the bullet hell mechanics well - you control an icon representing you (a mini silhouette of our spirit here) and do your best to dodge a series of obstacles coming your way. These take the place of turn-based combat in The Outbound Ghost and come between dialogue options that slowly fill the meter at the top of the screen.

The only example of this in the demo is a scene involving helping an Outbound resident through the stages of grief over her death. On each turn, you have the choice of three verbs along the lines of Insult, Console, and Explain to best respond to their current stage.

Common sense usually serves you well here - don’t insult an angry person to reason with them, for example - but the choices being coloured Red, Purple and Green does muddy the waters a little. None of the dialogue exchanged in this segment is actually seen, which does detach you from the impact of your choice, even if there’s only one right answer to progress.

I’ve been keeping things light on plot so far, but I’ll divulge a bit now. After you leave the aforementioned car wreck and head into the town of Outbound, you encounter the local (deceased) teen detective, Michael McFly, who suspects you of murdering the entire town some time ago.

You play as the accused ghost, who conveniently has forgotten everything about themself except their name, which is where you come in. As far as immersion goes, a lot of RPGs go the “amnesiac protagonist that you can name” route, but most offer a canon default name (think Chrono in Chrono Trigger) or easter eggs for certain names, neither of which I could find here. However, the ghost is referred to exclusively with they/them pronouns, so absolutely anyone can put themselves in the spectre’s proverbial shoes.

Outside of regular world traversal and picking up everything not nailed down, there are a couple of other mechanics revealed in the demo that I haven’t mentioned yet.

A couple of times, you’re faced with a locked door or gate and have to collect enough lockpicks to complete a slide puzzle, which involves getting cylinders of metal out of the way of a key so you can push it to the lock. Later puzzles involved tilting a 3D box (officially dubbed the girabox) to fit a square peg into its respective hole, so I imagine the full game will push puzzles even further.

Beyond that, star-shaped pads appear on the ground towards the end of the demo, allowing you to traverse the way back to the town with a spot of platforming. A Cards section can be found on the game’s menu, which will be part of the Spades n Souls minigame in the full game.

Over the course of 30 minutes, the demo introduced me to the majority of characters and possibly locations, but I have the feeling that a lot of the game will be spent fleshing out each of their backstories.

Utterly charming and a sight to behold, The Outbound Ghost is certain to make waves next year, but I do wonder which platform it’ll be at home on. Initially aiming for the Switch and PC, the lower technical capacity of the former and the unsuited control scheme of the latter do suggest that its stretch goals of PS and XBox will be the superior versions. But then, it is being ported to phones too, so hopefully I’ll be proven wrong when it releases.

The Kickstarter has a hair under a day of funding left to go, so jump in now if you want to support the project. Do you think this game will be the answer to the question “Where’s my Paper Mario?” or will the lack of traditional RPG elements alienate fans of the series?

[pink-enby-in-distress]

okayyyyyy,, welcome to Reese’s v long post (literally an essay sorry-) of confusion on finding out why body in pain so much a lot:)

Please note im not** diagnosing myself with anything. I just looked up stuff n im kinda just,, finding stuff to talk to my doctor about because I’m very confused n idk where to look specifically except google!! If you have any tips on managing pain and symptoms or resources please please pls reply or message me:)

(i apologize in advance for the lack of spaces and grammatical errors. im proofreading rn 1. myspace bar is broken. and 2. my arm is aching a fuck ton n it causes me more pain to type with it so im gonna be typing with one hand for a lot of parts)

1. fibromyalgia. the first thing that popped up for my symptoms. The hallmark symptom of fibromyalgia is significant muscle pain, stiffness, and tenderness all over your body. Headaches, numb hands and feet, and abdominal pain are other agonizing indications a person may have this affliction. i will bold my symptoms. Widespread pain, Fatigue, Weakness, Unrefreshing sleep, Muscle pain and cramps, Depression and other mood changes, Balance problems and frequent falls, Dysfunctional nervous system, Overactive immune system, Possibly, autoimmunity and inflammation, at least in some cases. Also, trouble focusing or paying attention, pain or a dull ache in the lower belly, dry eyes, memory lapses, difficulty concentrating, trouble staying alert. (Had a feeling this might be it but i dont wanna determine a serious health condition like that soooo...) There are a lot more symptoms though from what little i saw

2. vitamin d deficiency,, what i originally thought was the problem. at my age youre supposed to get around 600iu a day. if im good n i remember i take  like 5 or 7 a day. so 6-7000iu a day for at l e a s t 5 days if i remember. idrk if it works bc i often don't remember to take them daily . sometimes i'll have like 8-9000 for a couple days. idrk tho because they dont really do anything. Or sometimes they do but, not for long or it takes a while for them to work. btw!! vitamin d deficiency m i g h t lead to fibromyalgia?

3.Sciatica. reeled me in bc my left side hurts more than my right a lot of times. but,, my arms and upper back are affected too, so i dont think it’s the cause. Pain originates in the spine and radiates down the back of the leg. Sciatica typically affects only one side of the body. There are many causes for sciatic nerve pain, which can last up to 4 – 8 weeks if left untreated. Approximately 1 – 10% of the population experience sciatic pain or sciatica at some point in their life and are typically between the ages of 25 – 45 years old.

4. polymyositis, idk much about tbh, like what's different bout it and how it might fit me more than the others. idk if it fits me but,,i can talk to my doc about it. Those who suffer from polymyositis (PM) experience weakness in their shoulders, neck, and back, as well as their hips and thighs. The weakness may come on gradually over the course of several months, or may degenerate over a few days. Sometimes body aches and tenderness come with it, too. Although PM can cause a lot of discomfort, it is usually not life-threatening. For unknown reasons, polymyositis causes your body's immune system to attack muscle fibers. It comes on after age 20 typically

5. chronic fatigue syndrome. Along with extreme exhaustion, people with chronic fatigue syndrome often experience common symptoms like deep, persistent joint and muscle pain. Their skin might feel sore when touched, and pressure headaches can also result. Other symptoms include weakness, impaired memory or concentration, insomnia, muscle pain, and fatigue following exertion that lasts more than 24 hours. The causes of CFS are unknown, and there is no specific test to diagnose the condition. It is diagnosed through exclusion, that is, ruling out other illnesses with similar symptoms. n addition to prolonged fatigue, a person must have four or more of the following symptoms to be diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome: impairment in short-term memory or concentration, sore throat, (maybe to this but i cant fucking rememberrr)tender lymph nodes, muscle pain, joint pain without swelling or redness, headaches of a new type, pattern, or severity, unrefreshing sleep, post-exertional malaise. I’m really scared of thinking I’m getting some symptoms from this and it  actually being my adhd

6.Polymyalgia rheumatica,, v unlikely i feel like. specifically bc of the age but,, who knows. is an inflammatory disorder causing muscle pain and stiffness around the shoulders and hips. Most people develop polymyalgia rheumatica after age 50. Symptoms usually develop quickly and include aching of the shoulders, neck, or hips

7. Myofascial pain syndrome is a chronic pain disorder. came right after fibro popped up,, possible!! i looked the sensitive points chart tho anddd,, idrk if i have specific triggers. and it's more than just those sensitive points that i saw. In this condition, pressure on sensitive points in your muscles (trigger points) causes pain in the muscle and sometimes in seemingly unrelated parts of your body. This is called referred pain

I saw a hormonal thyroid disease, don’t think that’s it tho. It might be!! But it had visible signs that i dont have. Also saw growing pains which i didnt have, and they’re supposed to stop around 12 anyways. I’m 15

[the-bloody-masquerade]

Bloodlines 2 - They/Them Pronouns and Trans and Asexual Representation

There has been some discussion recently regarding information that was presented in a recent podcast interview given by Bloodlines 2 writers Brian Mitsoda and Cara Ellison. I think it is important to know what was and what was not said and understand it in context so I would like to provide a transcript to the passages in question for us to reference as we continue to have discourse around the issue.

I also want to try to give a little more insight as to why they/them pronouns were not able to be added to the game as there are some substantial programming concerns when it comes to adding conditional content that cannot be accessed in versions of the game where the language used only has two pronouns instead of three.

This comes from episode 22 of The RE:BIND Podcast. Published on June 22nd, 2020. The interviewer is Emily Rose, the interviewees are Cara Ellison and Brian Mitsoda, lead co-writers of Bloodlines 2 (Mitsoda having been the original Writer on Bloodlines 1)

Character Creation and Pronouns (passage starts at 1:14:45)

Note: [...] denotes a false start or when they start their sentence over a couple times.  

Emily: In Bloodlines 2, how is character creation being handled in terms of gender?  

Cara: Oh, character creation. So, one of the major problems we have is, and actually this is not unique to us, but the entire industry, is that localization severely limits the way you can write characters and we’re actually coming up against this problem now even though we have made a bunch of decisions on like how you refer to the player character and the characters in our game. But like, a major problem that we always have in video games is that English has a way to refer to people who don’t want to have a gender. And a lot of languages around the world, don’t have that.   

Brian: Currently, there’s like, movements in some languages to get that.  

Cara: Right like, so if your Quebecois, there’s a term that’s like generally recognized as being ‘they’ that you can use, but a lot of languages might have people who for example are agender, but the terms that they use to refer to themselves are not thoroughly recognized throughout their language and country. And that provides us with a humungous problem because we are making a game about Seattle, and there are a large number of people who live in Seattle who don’t want to have a gender or don’t want to be referred to as a particular gender or they frankly don’t identify as a particular thing, so we represent those characters like we normally would, but we run into a bunch of problems when we try to localize. So like, in the character creation section what we decided was the best option for us is to essentially let you create the way your character looks in like, entirely separate of gender, so you can make your character look any way you like as masculine or as feminine or whatever you like. […] You basically can then say ‘I want to be referred to as ‘he’ or I want to be referred to as ‘she,’ and that’s the option that we give you. The reason we don’t give you the they/them option is because […] I think there are four or five languages that can do this, but a lot of European languages can’t refer to the player character as ‘they’ or ‘them’ because they have to choose one or the other, so, we ended up not being able to do the they/them option for the character creation. So we basically tried to give you a way of expressing yourself and how you look, whatever, but we do end up actually asking you to specify ‘he’ or ‘she’ because it actually is just the way we had to do it for localization. […] For example, when I worked at MiniMolecule they had the exact same problem and it’s a problem of scale as well, because if the scale was just like we only release in English, we could have done the third option, we just couldn’t do it. And also because, we actually systemically throughout the game, its structured to be able to like have lots of interactions based on your identity so we had to sort of choose that early on, so it kind of got structured that way as well. But we do have main characters in the game who do not have a defined gender, and at least if you play the game in English they will be referred to as ‘they.’ We did have the option for NPCs at least in English, to have that referent, but unfortunately, we were very limited by localization on that point. And we’re not the only game that’s limited by that, but as this is kind of more, this kind of specific thing in language rolls out across lots more languages I think actually it will become easier to do this over a time, I think, as well. I’m hoping, at least.  

TLDR; You will create your characters appearance separate from physical sex or gender and then you will pick he/him or she/her pronouns. The reason why they/them is not being included is because most of the languages that the game is being localized in do not have a 3rd/gender neutral set of pronouns and [presumably] would require all version of the game that only include 2 pronouns (because of language) to have their dialogue systems reworked/separately programmed. 

This is a bit different than “they should just put they/them in the English localization then.” If pronouns will be a character creation option that probably means they will be set up as a content trigger, which is what determines which voice and text lines you get (to correspond to your gender). For languages that only have two pronouns, what would you do with that third content trigger representing the they/them pronouns? They also talked content “structured to to be able to have interactions based on your identity.” If there were interactions that were only triggered by the they/them choice in character select, this content would effectively be lost in localizations that only had two pronouns in character select, (barring a comprehensive structural overhaul for regions with only two pronouns) 

The quicker way to do this would just be to have most NPCs use as little gendered language as possible to make most lines an content universal/not have to trigger alternate text/content based on the pronoun choice, but then this may defeat the purpose of being able to customize your PC’s gender and pronouns to begin with.  I do not mean to be an apologist. Gender neutral pronouns in RPGs are frankly overdue as an industry standard it is disheartening to hear that they/them will not be a choice in Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines 2. I just wanted to try and elaborate on why the inclusion/exclusion of gender neutral pronouns in a game slated for world release is from a programming standpoint more involved that one may at first think.

Trans Representation in Bloodlines 2 (1:19:37)

Emily: So obviously we have some kind of gender-nonconforming representation. What is there in terms of maybe more specific representation, like say, are there any transmen are there any transwomen? Anything like that. Is that brought up at any point during the game?

Cara: […] I think what we want to do in the future is, actually have some main characters be transmen or transwomen, but I don’t—unless the junior writers have actually—actually no the junior writers have written some characters new that we have specified to be trans. But I would have to check, unfortunately, I don’t think we have actually put anyone who’s trans into the game currently unless I’m forgetting about someone. But yeah, I think our plans are to do that, but we didn’t want to do it like we’re just oh, we’re gonna just put it in…

Brian: Yeah there’s definitely […] when you’re doing the [game] design stuff, you’re looking for a character that might fit for the scene or the quest or the story beat that you’re doing and so one thing I never want to do just try to shoehorn in everything that we want to do.

Cara: By the time I had joined the main cast had been very clearly defined, so we didn’t have the option to add a trans main character which is what we have wanted to do.

Brian: Yeah, I would also like it, if we do add a trans character, we can find a voice actor who’s also…

Cara: …trans as well.

Quests with Trans Themes and DLC  (1:21:24)

(immediately follows last section)

Emily: That was gonna to be my next question, so that’s really good to hear actually. So I totally understand how it goes just in terms of like, the preplanning and establishing the world and things like that, and the main reason I bring it up in the first place is just because so much of Vampire does tend to gravitate around people’s identities their expressiveness with both their sexuality and who they are and so it’s just something that’s like kind of been kind of been some sort of undertone in the series for a long time so I was just curious how it was being handled in Bloodlines 2. Those are pretty sufficient answers.

[…a brief interlude where they talked about a random quest from Bloodlines 1]

(1:23:00)

Cara: We actually have a quest based on the idea of dysmorphia, like feeling like you’re trapped in your body and it doesn’t match the way you perceive yourself. A lot of our writing is based on what it actually feels like to be in this state of stasis when you weren’t expecting to feel that because it has happened suddenly to you. And so there are loads of issues that would be really valuable to explore in that way, and you know we have staff who are super interested in giving their input on that, so I think we should definitely approach it, we just haven’t actually put it in the game in terms of main characters. We wanna make a trans main character, I think that’s important to us. We’ve got some DLC coming up that we’re gonna like make a greater effort on that front, like its Seattle, it would be so weird if we didn’t have trans characters. [Note: Cara lives in Seattle currently. 

Brian: Mmhmm

Cara: So, yeah. [to Brian] Ask Margaret as well, our voiceover director, if there are any trans actors that she would recommend we could cast for the role and maybe write it for them. So yeah.

Emily: So that’s the thing and even I struggle really to think of many games that have a trans character in a main role, let alone--I can’t actually think off the top of my head unless they’re very like micro indie stuff any games that feature like a trans woman protagonist. I think the last time I saw a transwoman in a game was I think I wanna say like Dishonoured 2, one of the semi-core side characters you encountered for one of the quests is a documented as trans.

Cara: And I think the Dishonoured 2 team really really really made a huge effort on that front to be able to represent a huge variety of different backgrounds of people. They were very interested in [doing that] from the start, so yeah I think there are like some games where it does matter too, and it really feels like the world is bigger when you actually provide those characters.

In-game Asexual Characters and Their Ideal Approach to Portraying LGBT+ characters.  (1:25:29)

Cara: But yeah, like we have tried to represent asexuality as well in the game.

Emily: Good good.

Cara: We have characters who are asexual. Who are canon asexual. And yeah, […] We try as well, not to write it sort of clumsily, we don’t write characters that like, out themselves, because that’s not—

Brian: No, because generally someone does come up and say that immediately.

Cara: when you’re from a background that has been marginalized, you’re very aware of your own safety. Especially if a stranger who looks shady approaches you, like our characters, you’re not gonna like immediately say it. But we make it explicit that this is who they are, but not in a way like ‘Hi, I’m Cara! I’m transgender!’ You know?

Brian: Yeah, yeah.

Cara: I think some of the ways in which people have done it in the past have been a little clumsy so I’m very aware of that as well.

Brian: Yeah, I would never want to handle it in a way that’s like ‘The main thing about that character is that they are trans’ like that’s not right at all

Cara: I want the main thing about that person to be something that they’re interested in, like, actually like exploring with the player character and I think like, most people are coming from somewhere when they approach you and its not going to be about I want to talk about my…[they both trail off laughing,]

Brian: They probably want to talk about a way in which they’re going to fuck you over. Or get something from you, or get you to do something for them.

Cara: Yeah and I would love to write a trans character who is like really really interesting and really really involved in something and I don’t want it [their transness] to be their defining [feature].

~~

Thank you for reading.

[smmahamazing]

InuKag Week 2020 - Acceptance

Set in the universe of my modern AU “Cowboy Blues”, but you don’t have tohave read that to know whats going on!

FFN or AO3

Inuyasha slammed the door to his apartment shut. He didn’t quite understand why he was so angry. This wasn’t the first time he had lost a bit of business because of ignorant people with a prejudice against hanyous, although this one was a lot more dramatic than most. The missed business wasn’t even that big of a deal to him - it wasn’t like Inuyasha didn’t do well enough for himself that one customer deciding to take their money elsewhere would break his business. It had happened before, and would happen again; that way just the way the world worked. If anything, Inuyasha grew more angry by not knowing why he was so angry in the first place. 

Although, if he thought about it rationally for just a moment, not being able to see Kagome all week might have had a little to do with it. There had been a huge power outage in the area where she worked - unbeknownst to her or the elderly couple that ran the diner - and a lot of food wound up spoiled. To top it all off, they had several catering events planned for that week, which meant triple the work for his poor girlfriend. Kagome was so tired that she could barely keep herself awake to shower and pop a frozen meal in the microwave before utterly passing out. Inuyasha had offered to come over to cook her dinners and take care of her this week, but she was adamant that she would fine and that he wouldn’t see her for very long anyways since she crashed almost as soon as she got home, and that they could wait until the following weekend when they both had days off to truly spend quality time together. That was basically code for Kagome not wanting to put him out because of a rough work week.

Which Inuyasha thought was bullshit, but he wasn’t about to start an unnecessary fight over it. Sure, they had still taken the time to text every night before bed, but it just wasn’t the same as actually getting to see her, to touch her soft skin, and take in her absolutely ravishing scent.

If Inuyasha was honest with himself, he found himself needing Kagome more and more each day. They had been dating for a few months now, and it scared him a little with how happy he was. Kagome was like a bubble of sunshine; she filled his life with a warmth and happiness that Inuyasha hadn’t seen in a long time. However, bubbles were fragile, and easily popped. Everything was good, for now, but how long will that happiness last? When will she finally see the monster she’s dating, and decide she’s better off without him?

Perhaps the reason Inuyasha was so on edge wasn’t due to the altercation at work today, but his own insecurities. Back in feudal times, hanyous were a scourge of the Earth; hated by demons for bearing the weak blood of humans, and feared for their demonic attributes by humans. There was no place for a hanyou to live in peace. Times changed as the youkai and humans learned to co-mingle - in more ways than one- which resulted in the population of hanyous to slowly rise. Soon enough, hanyous became a tolerated breed as fewer people continued to care about an outdated prejudice. But just because most people stopped caring if Inuyasha was a hanyou didn’t mean they weren’t leery of him. Or that they’d ever want to associate with a hanyou like that. And who was to say that Kagome couldn’t become one of those people? Someone who would just take her leave of him when she came to her senses.

Inuyasha desperately didn’t want Kagome to become another Kikyo. He wanted to spend all his free time with her, cooking and watching their favourite television shows together. Meeting Sango and Miroku for dinner and drinks. He wanted to watch the sun rise and set with her each and every single day.

These were scary thoughts for him, because he was becoming so attached to her in such a short time, and truthfully, Inuyasha didn’t know if she felt the same way. She always seemed to enjoy their time together, even when they’d fight a little.

Inuyasha closed his eyes and took a deep breath in to try and exhale the tension from his shoulders. He was greeted, firstly and foremostly, with the sweet scent that was Kagome. Despite the fact that he spent more time over at her apartment, Kagome had been over enough times for her scent to linger, which was great for when they slept in their own beds. Kagome’s scent was even more prominent today, chiseling away at his sour disposition until his more natural gruff temperament washed over him. Inuyasha shot his eyes open as another scent wafted in from the kitchen; the smell of cooked food.

Inuyasha immediately tensed up at the prospect of an intruder in his apartment. Normally, intruders broke in to rob people of their worldly possessions, not their fridge. The intruder hadn't seemed to notice the front door slam - something Inuyasha found odd. He slowly knelt down to slip his shoes off his feet when he noticed another pair of shoes set off to the side. One look at the primrose coloured flats was all Inuyasha needed to know who his intruder was, although he became more confused than before. The clock on the wall read 2:45, when Kagome should have still been at work.

"Kagome?" Inuyasha called out, wondering what was going on.

"Inuyasha! I'm in the kitchen!"

Inuyasha shuffled into the kitchen towards her voice, the smell of caramelized onions and simmering meat flooding his nose. The sight before him, though, was far more intriguing than the delectable food she was cooking. She was dressed simply in yoga pants, her ebony locks were tied up in a messy bun, although the bright pink chef's coat she sported drew most of his attention.

Kagome had a rainbow of chef coats, one in practically every colour. They were almost exclusively worn at work - Kagome had her own cooking apron at home that her mother had made for her - but Kagome would don the jacket whenever she was making an important dish.

Looking over her shoulder, she gave him a warm smile. "You're home early, was it a slow day?"

Inuyasha was puzzled to see her standing there, but he'd be lying if seeing her didn't immediately lessen the weight in his chest. Damn if he was starting to think that he was falling for this woman. Hard. 

"Naw, just a rough day. Decided to split early before I decided to start knocking heads," Inuyasha grunted, his voice coming out more gravely and low than he expected, and he winced slightly as the smile that had lit Kagome's face fell. She gave her pan a quick stir before walking to the fridge. She pulled out a beer and handed it to him.

"Well, first things first: have a beer. Why don't you go get dressed into something more comfortable and you can tell me all about it afterwards."

He took the beer from her with zeal, giving her a quick kiss before heading off to his bedroom to change. Inuyasha had no plans to talk about his day with her, but he would make himself look more presentable for his girl so she could entertain him with her day. He sauntered back into the kitchen about ten minutes later, donned in a pair of clean sweats with a freshly washed face, feeling immensely better than he had when he got home. Somehow in such a short period of time, whatever Kagome was cooking had managed to smell even better, causing his mouth to water.

"Whatchu makin'?" He asked, wrapping his arms around her waist to embrace her from behind. She hummed a little at his question, resting the back of her head against his chest.

"Nothing special, just a stew. My local market had the meat on sale, so I thought I would treat my wonderful boyfriend to a good home cooked meal."

"Woman, everything you make is special." Inuyasha grinned at the blush he knew covered her face. He placed a kiss on the top of her head before letting her go to have a seat at the bar that separated the living room and kitchen. "So how come you're here and not at work? Did things finally slow down?"

"A little. Things are back to normal anyways. My boss surprised me this morning and gave me the day off!" She turned from the stove to look at Inuyasha, her gaze softening. “I really missed you this week.”

“Me, too,” he agreed, warmth flooding his chest at the soft look she was giving him. She turned away to add the onions to the stock pot before lidding the pot and joining him at the bar.

“This is actually an apology dinner of sorts.”

“Apology for what?” he asked, a small sense of dread poking it’s way through.

“I sort of blew you off this week about coming over to help take care of me when I should have just taken you up on your offer,” she began, her eyes darting around as if she was afraid to look directly at him. “ I just felt like it would be selfish of me to shove all of my own responsibilities on you just because I was busy with work. I didn’t put any consideration into the fact that you actually wanted to come take care of me, and not that I was a burden.

“You were right. This week sucked, and I would have been a much more tolerable person to be around if I had my big, strong hanyou helping me out.” Kagome lifted the corners of her lips in a smirk that was very reminiscent of the silver-haired hanyou sitting beside her.

Inuyasha was floored. He wouldn’t deny that Kagome’s refusal to help her this week had irritated him in more ways than one, but he never would have expected an apology from her. She was a grown woman who was more than capable of taking care of herself, and no matter how much he would rather do that job himself, he would never try and take her independence away from her.

“Kags,” he started, not quite knowing how to respond. One one hand, he didn’t want her apologizing, but he decided that not accepting her apology would be just as bad as her not accepting his help this week. “It’s alright. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”

He took her hand, pressing his lips to her knuckles. Kagome smiled at him, thankful that she didn’t have to force her apology on him. She was slowly starting to learn that Inuyasha was the type to brush off any form of apology, no matter how much he deserved it. She had a feeling that Inuyasha ended up giving apologies more than receiving them, which left a doleful emotion in her heart. It was the same impression she got from him when she heard him slam the front door, and now that talking about her day was out of the way, she fully planned on ascertaining what happened to him today.

“Now, let’s talk about your day,” Kagome said, standing up to grab herself a glass of wine before they opened up the proverbial can of worms. She noticed how Inuyasha instantly tensed out of the corner of her eye and made the quick decision to grab him another beer from the fridge. She had a feeling he would need it in the next couple of minutes.

Inuyasha sighed as he watched her grab her drink and a bottle of beer - the latter he assumed for him. He really didn't want to talk about what happened today; the thought of sharing a delicious home-cooked meal and maybe watching a movie sounded far more appealing to him. But if he knew anything about Kagome by now, it was that she was stubborn as hell. No doubt she would poke and prod until he was singing like a canary, so he gave in to her request, downing what was left of his first beer to give him some sea legs to stand on.

"Today, we had a customer come to the shop to get his brake pads looked at. I was in my office at the time when he came in and spoke to Takai at the front desk."

Inuyasha paused, keeping his eyes locked on his beer. She might want to know what happened, but that didn't mean she needed a play-by-play. He just needed to keep it short and simple. "He was just about done talking with Takai when I stepped out of the office, and as soon as he saw me all hell broke loose."

"What did he do?" She asked.

"Had a hissy fit. Spotted my ears and immediately knew what I was. Demanded to speak with the manager, and when I told him I was the owner he got all huffy and walked out. It's not that big of a deal. Takai told me he'd lock up tonight so I could come home early."

Kagome furrowed her brows. "I don't understand. Why did he make such a fuss? Did he know you from somewhere?"

Inuyasha looked up from his drink at her. Did she really not know why that asshole freaked out? He didn't really take Kagome for being a naive girl, but could see her confusion as he stared into her eyes. 

"Kags...he saw that I was a hanyou," he muttered, hoping he wouldn't have to elaborate anymore on the subject. She stared at him for another minute, the wheels slowly turning in her head.

"So," she started, gazing into her drink. "He walked out because he didn't want a hanyou working on his car?"

Inuyasha didn't respond to her. He didn't need to anyways. Everything suddenly clicked into place in Kagome's mind as her confusion turned into anger. She couldn't believe that someone would be so petty as to walk out of an establishment because of something so….archaic. So what if Inuyasha was a hanyou? His heritage had nothing to do with his work. He ran a respectable auto shop with fair prices and good online reviews; what more could you ask for? She was about to let her thoughts on that sorry excuse for a human fly when her mind fully processed a part of his story.

"What do you mean 'it's not a big deal'?" She rounded back at him, fire burning in her eyes.

"I mean, it's not a big deal, Kagome. It ain't like he's the first asshole to tell me how pond scum are better than me, and he sure won't be the last!"

"But that's awful! He doesn't even know you, how could he just - "

"The don't have to know me Kagome, that's the fucking point!" Inuyasha shouted, causing Kagome to flinch at the sudden loudness that permeated the air. He instantly regretted his sudden outburst, feeling himself get sick, his stomach wrapping itself in an endless knot. He didn't want to fight with Kagome - or scare her, if her reaction to his shouting told him anything. All he wanted was to forget about what happened today. "Look, I'm sorry - "

It was Inuyasha's turn to get cut off as Kagome reached out and took his hand, giving it a gentle, but firm squeeze. 

"Don't apologize Yash. We don't have to talk about it anymore," she spoke quietly, her thumb caressing the top of his hand as Inuyasha let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry that this happened to you today. I've never seen youkai or hanyou as different. At least, not in the negative sense. I forget that there are still prejudiced people in the world."

Kagome brought her other hand up to hold onto his own as they sat in companionable silence. Inuyasha wasn’t very good at expressing his feelings, so Kagome focused on his body language. Inuyasha’s eyes were trained on their interlocked hands. He maintained a gentle grip on her hands, every now and then giving them a harder squeeze in an almost reflexive sort of way. Other than the miniscule muscle movements of his hand, Inuyasha was still as a stone.

‘It’s almost as if he’s afraid…’

“Inuyasha,” Kagome said fondly. “You know I accept you as you are, right?”

Inuyasha balked at her, finally taking his gaze off their hands. She gave him a warm smile and one last squeeze before standing to go check on the stew, leaving him with no time to answer her question. She didn’t need them to have a long, drawn out conversation about it - unless he wanted to, of course. As long as Inuyasha took her words to heart, she would be content. There would be time for words later; tonight was for good food and snuggling up on the couch, holding each other until sleep came for them.

Inuyasha watched Kagome putz around the stove, stirring the stew and adding spices here and there. To hear her say those words, I accept you, was almost more than he could bear. And in that moment, Inuyasha decided he could care less about the asshole from earlier, and wasn’t about to let him take up any more of his time or thoughts from his girl.

Kagome accepted him, and that’s all that mattered.