#there’s also a ton of other stuff I can’t articulate well

[theshadowrealmitself]

Have I ever explained this concept I’m obsessed with?

Person who ends up cryogenically frozen for awhile™️ wakes up finally and it’s to a strange world where there’s robots everywhere

With their image

Turns out their best friend didn’t take their disappearance well and kept making replica after replica of them because they couldn’t quite nail the personality down, and after awhile, without having seen the original in forever, the robots have become copies of copies of copies (essentially, very flanderized versions of the Human)

The best friend also made a ton of other robots and essentially became an evil overlord (their just woken up friend is Not Impressed™️) leading to the creation of a resistance group set out to stop them

The Human (who is absolutely confused at the moment and a bit scared) runs into the resistance group and they think they’re a defective bot (because even tho the personalities are off, the appearances aren’t off except for blemishes getting erased) who thinks they’re real

And they’re like “if this robot thinks it’s a Human, who are we to deny it Humanity” while the Human keeps trying to explain they are a Human, and also trying to avoid getting caught and “reprogrammed” by bot versions of themself

(2 other fun things in this: they used to make robots with their friend and after their disappearance their friend used a lot of their stuff to make new robots and so a ton of things have the Human’s failsafes and backup codes so other robotic things are no problem for them, only their bot selves, which were made completely new after they disappeared are a problem, and a few of the first gen robots they made are still around and recognized them immediately and keep trying to track their maker down but the resistance group keeps interfering)

Can never really think of a satisfying ending with the rebellion group because it always just boils down to the Human finally kicking the door down to face their friend and being like “what the fuck did you do in my image????”

(And then my brain tries to make it more convoluted by being like “and then it turns out that’s actually not even their friend, their friend died awhile ago and left behind a robot version of themself which is why they suddenly started acting so weird and supervillain-y evil and they never actually get to see each other again, they both just ended up with funhouse artificial versions of each other, and there is no satisfying ending confrontation, there never will be”)

[speedierthanasubmarine]

I decided to watch helluva boss and imma do 2 separate posts for seasons 1 and two (why did I write it like that…?)

Season one

God I love this show. The writing is way more my speed than Hazbin hotel on Amazon, I enjoyed the writing in the pilot, but once Amazon took over the humor just didn’t really land for me, and tbh the plot took over and I started focusing more on that, and in general I’m more partial to the rapid fire YouTube dry comedy and this sentence is a friggin mess- I found HB SO FREAKIN FUNNY

Dude when he goes “FUCK, a new hole” I lost it

“Just try and sue us”

“We’re rich and we’re hot”

“I can just buy all the things!”

“You should commit die”

“Hehe, Trumpet!”

These are just my kinda lines, I don’t know how to explain it, I was wheezing all throughout the season

The music OH LORD when I say I’ve listened to stolas’s lullabye, lulu land, cotton candy, and house of ozmodius like 100000 times I’m… exaggerating but like you get the point the music here is friggin fantastic I also really like how a lot of the music is diegetic, I think that’s a fun touch. I don’t remember whether this is the case in Hazbin, but in this one it was like… I don’t know, it made sense that they were singing when they were singing… am I articulating myself well? I don’t care, iykyk if not, no prob

The animation is great, Viv loves them spinny shots and I am here for it. The amount of genuinely amazing action scenes is super impressive, and even the chill scenes have a ton of personality

The voice acting might be what steals the show for me, idrk anyone’s names cept Alex Brightman but BLITZS VA NEEDS AN AWARD, also slight tangent but I don’t know what it is with stolas’s va but he sounds a lot like a bird in the same sense that Gary Oldman sounded a lot like a bird in Kung Fu Panda 2, what is it that casting directors recognize in actors that screams bird?! Because both of these men are just SO BIRD DOES ANYONE GET WHAT I MEAN moving on, Ozzie’s voice was also effing PERFECT it slid silkily over me like… silk butter or smtg it was the perfect lust voice, I loved it. Everyone else was also great, but they were extra great.

It was also just so fun? Like in hazbin there’s very little just… shenanigans to enjoy, nothing wrong with that because it’s not that type of show, whereas this season is jam packed with them. Like I’ve heard that everyone hated episode 4, but like I don’t know I loved it😆 I just found it to be good old fashioned chicanery, and I liked the chaos and stupidity of it, made for some entertaining TV. This story engine is just mad entertaining for me.

I also enjoyed the writing of most of the characters (Millie, Moxxie, Loona, and Octavia still leave a bit to be desired imo, but whatever, they can’t all be winners and there’s nothing wrong with them) Blitz kinda reminds me of a Barney Stinson type character, which I really enjoy, and I also really like how his boss persona kinda infects everything he does while simultaneously being what’s screwing him over, his nature is kinda like a snake swallowing its own tail, which is tragic and beautiful, and Stolas compliments him well by being, not an enabler, but… I don’t know a clever way to say this… Stolas is a wreck in the best way and he just works. He’s short sighted, like extremely so, like how he thinks sleeping with Blitz will fill his emotional void so he does it but it just drives them further apart so it’s like he’s in a hole and in order to get out he’s gonna dig to pile up dirt so he can climb out but he’s an idiot and that’s a stupid idea and I loved his whole arc. Very enjoyable stuff drama.

Kinda random but whoever Viv’s foli artist is also deserves an award, the sound effects in this show are pristine and it’s incredible (yes I’ve seen the scene where the gun sounds go off a few seconds too late, and yeah, mistakes happen, but every bone crunch sounds and other stuff like that being so enunciated in an indie show is extremely impressive)

Anyhoo, very fun, very emotional, nice to look at, very funny, yada yada- altogether great season 1.

[anazen333]

Being AuDHD means I have sensitivity when it comes to food. To the point where growing up I was considered (in a negative way) to be a picky eater. To the point where I was shamed and borderline traumatized for it.

I also grew up in a household that insisted that no food should go to waste. That meant tons of tiny portions being saved in the fridge (should also be noted that leftovers give me the ick for reasons I can’t articulate - and now I realize I have no obligation to do so). It also meant food that was bought on a whim would stay in the house for YEARS.

As an adult, it’s taken me quite a bit of time to realize that just because something was done a certain way in my parents house, does not mean that I, as a grown adult with her own home, have to do it that way as well.

Which means, if I went out of my way to treat myself to stuff from Trader Joe’s (which is quite a feat given where my nearest stores are located and the very poor parking situations each one has), and got a bunch of food there but ended up either getting an upset stomach from it or just not liking how it tasted, I am under no obligation to keep said food.

Did I end up wasting money on that trip? Yes. Did I end up wasting food because of it? Yes. But is it my obligation to keep said food in the house despite the fact that I’m the only person living there and will never eat it? No. And should I feel guilty for throwing it away? Maybe a little? But only for a few minutes. Because it’s certainly not something I should lose sleep over. Of all the moral conundrums going on in my life, this one should not be causing me anxiety, especially when I have so many other things I get to be anxious about.

Part of my ND healing journey is about learning to be kinder to myself, because I’ve spent my life trying to be accommodating to people’s perspective on how I should live MY LIFE.

I’ve been made to feel that MY WANTS, MY NEEDS, are not correct and thus not acceptable. That I shouldn’t be allowed to listen to my body and make decisions based on what it tells me, even if those choices seem wrong to someone else.

My life, my rules.

And as long as I’m not putting myself or someone else in danger, people should just accept that and BACK OFF.

[snarky-art]

if you don’t mind explaining, what are each of the specialists’ relationships with their formerly assigned winx members?

Sure!

Biggest changes out of the way first:

Musa and Riven aren’t together. They start dating near the end of s1 and then break up around 3/4 of the way into s2, basically before the big final battles are launched in Shadow Haunt. They start off a somewhat awkward friendship in s3, and after everything is done at the end of SotLK, they’re pretty solid friends.

Aisha and Nabu aren’t together ever, but fear not they’re besties.

Sky and Bloom start dating near the end of s1 and have a kind of flirtationship during s1, although Bloom takes longer to warm up to him that Sky does to her. They date through s2 and s3 and SotLK, and they’re just as messy as they are in canon. S4, it’s getting to be too much though for Bloom, especially with dealing with balancing Domino and Earth life and getting accustomed to royal life bs and learning an entire culture and history. Bloom’s still very real inferiority issues and messy relationship with her parents are present too because they have to learn who they are as individuals while also trying to overcompensate with each other, Bloom because she’s not Daphne and her parents because they want her to feel she really is their daughter and they love her even though they weren’t there for her whole life and they’re literally strangers to each other with only a blood familial tie and giant legacy holding them together, but this results in putting a shit ton of Domino Court shit on her (gotta make sure she’s included and knows they see her as their daughter and rightful heir despite everything that happened before) and it’s too much too much too much. S4 in my thing is partially Bloom running the fuck away from her responsibilities in the magical world, Domino specifically. She goes “oh I gotta go to Alfea to talk about stuff bye. Oh look, a big thing on Earth what a happy coincidence ok bye for who knows how long I gotta go-“ Her relationships are kinda strained in general in s4 since she isn’t great at handling pressure still, and Sky and her are still having the same issues of not communicating well about stuff and Bloom can’t even articulate everything rn and doesn’t know where to start and now she has to worry about potential queen regency stuff and stretching herself not only between Earth and Domino, but Eraklyon too? No, she can’t do this. She’s tired. She breaks up with him before the big final battle shenanigans and she does it super suddenly and loudly and then dips as per usual and Sky is like. “Wtf? Yo what the actual-“ They talk about it eventually near the end of s4 and Sky is rightfully miffed at how this has been handled and how Bloom is still. Running. Away. He hasn’t been the best to her he admits that but she’s also still doing the same things when backed into a corner. And that’s,, kinda the whole point. They’ve grown the most outside of each other, and then when with each other, are perpetuating the same things that are causing issues. Sky goes we could really work on it this time. Bloom says no, I’m too tired, and for once with Bloom looking at hindsight instead of thinking moment to moment for her basic non magical life stuff, she goes if we weren’t growing and trying to be better for each other the way we should’ve for 3 years, what makes this time different? And that’s that. They don’t really talk much for the first half of s5 but they still have to work together, and it’s Weird, but it eventually gets better. Bloom is trying to get better about not running, and she did enjoy Sky, just not as a partner by the end of it all, and Sky still thinks he and Bloom had some good times together and that she’s fun, so maybe they can try getting to know each other again? As friends this time. And they have a decent start to a proper friendship by the beginning of s6, ending s5 as close acquaintances. They don’t become besties or anything, but they’re close friends and they know they can count on each other.

Flora and Helia is the same as canon. They get together by the end of s2 and are adorable.

Tecna and Timmy get together in s2 and are also adorable.

Brandon and Stella get together in s1 and are the flirty fun sassy couple that everyone knows and loves.

[glapplebloom]

There’s a world of stuff out there...

Lego is possibly the best toy for a lifetime. As a child, it gives you access to an entire world of your imagination. As an adult, it can still do that but it can also be an artistic dream or in my case a fun hobby to collect. And over the years, I have collected a ton of Lego Minifigures. Some are completely custom. Others are rare. Some I just made myself by putting random parts together.

But over the years, I’ve learned to appreciate the Non-Lego competitors. Some are great, but some are definitely worse. So here are 10 minifigures I’ve owned, with 5 I would gladly say rivals that of Lego. And 5 that proves there’s a reason Lego is the leader of the brand.

Best 1 - Bootleg Sonic Figures

Lego and Sega did finally team up to release a few Sonic sets. One small one from Lego Dimensions and one Larger one in Sonic the Hedgehog. But sadly, the only Minifigures to come from it are Sonic alone. But thanks to World Minifigs, we got a bunch of them. While some are questionable stuff here and there (you’ll see a Sonic from there later) other characters felt perfectly nailed on! Two examples here being Cream the Rabbit and Infinite. They look amazing. Even if the others aren’t up to snuff, I do recommend getting the collection if you can. Just avoid the ones with the skateboards.

Worse 1 - Tyco Minifig

Tyco was a competing brand against Lego. They sell them for cheap and the minifigure shows. It looks like Morty. Besides that, when it comes to play features it's very limited. While it has arm, leg and neck articulation, the hands don’t move like Lego. And even worse, no holes in the back of the legs. So if you want this guy to sit down in a vehicle while playing you better make sure he is buckled up.

Best 2 - Snoopy by Linoos

While it has the same problem as the Tyco Minifigure when it comes to sitting, it does have its advantages. The hands have the full rotation like a Lego Minifigure. The Arms are on a ball joint so it has more movement options than even a Lego. And more importantly, it's Snoopy. Just being able to play with Lego and Snoopy at the same time is a big plus for any Peanuts fan.

Worst 2 - Pearl by McFarlane

I like Steven Universe. I enjoyed the brand’s Cuphead and FNAF figures. But if there is one flaw with those figures is that they have weak joints. The worst example being this Pearl figure. If the ankles don’t fall off, her leg will. And having her stand is extremely tricky. The South Park Minifigs don’t have this problem because they don’t have those connections like Pearl here does. In fact it only seems to be this Pearl Minifig that can’t keep her legs on.

Best 3 - The Rugrats from Snap and Switch by Well Played

In 2018, Basic Fun showed us their future releases of Minifigures based on Nicktoons. We were going to get Aah! Real Monsters, Rocko, Hey Arnold, Ren and Stimpy, and of course Rugrats. They were the ones who did Bendy and the Ink Machine Minifigures and outside Alice their Version 1 figures were neat. While their Exploding Kittens set was released, Nickelodeon decided to go for a cheaper deal with Well Played. But surprisingly, they look incredibly good. Even the TMNT ones look like it could rival Lego's attempts. Shame it's just these two.

Worst 3 - Family Guy from K’Nex

Remember when the Simpsons came out for Lego? Family Guy followed suit (or maybe came before?) via the K’Nex brand. And BOY were they ugly. Brian used the Yoshi body mold, Peter and Chris seem to be more wide than they’re supposed to be (probably used Bowser’s Mold), and poor Lois and Meg. They obviously used the Mario Molds and they look like they got stung by bees everywhere other than the arms. Stewie is passable, but that’s it.

Best 4 - Power Rangers from Mega Bloks 

Before they were called Mega Construx, they were Mega Bloks. While that name still exists, it's usually for the smaller age demographic. These did two and came in two variants. One is a six pack to celebrate the Power Rangers 20th Anniversary (that if I didn’t open could have made an easy grand) that had removable helmets (but they all share the same head underneath). The other no removal of helmets. Still with the articulation close to the Mega Construx figures while still being closer to size with Lego Minifigs, this is a great way to have Lego sized Power Ranger fun.

Worst 4 - This Sonic Minifigure I got from E-Bay

Remember earlier when I said the Bootleg Sonic Minifigures are questionable, this Sonic is one of them. He looks more like Shadow than Sonic. But he’s still MILES better than the Sonic Minifigure I got from E-Bay before Lego released a real Sonic. I got him thinking two things: 1) Lego is never going to release a Sonic set. 2) The head is a custom piece. Well, it is custom but it’s more like putting a piece of plastic on a cylinder one by one piece.They don’t sell them like this anymore and thank goodness.

Best 5 - Transformers from Kre-O

While their building sets weren’t as good as Lego’s their minifigures are on point. Ball jointed legs, arms, wrist swivel and size of a Lego Minifigure. They’re frikkin awesome. I even got a G.I. Joe one of equal quality. I do wish Hasbro kept going with the Kre-O line and released stuff with My Little Pony and the like. But alas, they’re out of the brick building game and decided to lend out their licenses to others. For good, it gave us a Lego Optimus Prime. For bad…

Worst 5 - G. I. Joe from Forever Clever

Hasbro, instead of doing their own brick builds of G. I. Joe, gave the license to Forever Clever. While I found both these sets and the Rugrats sets from Five and Below, you can definitely tell which one is the more quality brand. You see that Gray Ninja? The packaging showed him white. So imagine thinking I got Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, I get a random Grey Ninja. Not to mention they look blocky compared to the others. Also the builds were pretty weak grip wise.

And that’s a small sampling of my collection. Want more?

[lunarmote]

Why I review movies (as a noob)? 1/3

When I started talking about movies, I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like a fawn wandering into a sea of academics and established fan blogs. I didn’t know how to review a film at all, if I was supposed to talk about my feelings or the formal elements of the film or what.

I didn’t grow up in a family where we went to movies or talked about things like stories in literature/cinema/theater. I didn’t know what things my family liked and I didn’t really reflect on the things I liked.

When the pandemic hit, I decided to start watching movies seriously and it was hard, at first, for me to react at all. I would watch acclaimed movies only to find them mid, forgettable; I had a quantity over quality mindset and saw movies as tasks to get through. There were movies that did affect me, like Wong Kar-wai’s In the Mood for Love, and I had no idea how to express what I liked about it other than it made me feel things. Out of this frustration with my inability to articulate my likes/dislikes, I started typing up my opinions and reading movie reviews by other people.

“What room is there for me and my opinions in this world?”

I am not partial enough to film to study it formally. I don’t know much about film history; I can’t identify how one piece is/isn’t continuous with some film movement. I love color and composition, but I can’t really describe those in technical language. I also seem to be wildly inconsistent in the things I watch and aspects of film I respond to. Yet, every one of us is a distinct human being with our own unique experiences and ways of reacting to the world.

Here’s an exploration, then, of the different things I bring to the table.

1. I’m part of a minority audience whose tastes clash with most IMBD users’ (HERE)

2. I am not well-versed in pop culture (HERE)

3. I gravitate toward the interdisciplinary (Coming soon)

4. I am sensitive. (Coming soon)

1. I am part of a minority

Though I do consider myself open-minded, there are certain movies I prefer to watch over others. Like all human beings who are predictably something, my trait seems to be curious. I seem to be predictably curious when you compare me to your average person who likes movies because I’m just about willing to give anything a shot.

I am less drawn to male fantasies, revenge fantasies, action, and spectacle. Though I can be analytical, I prefer “feeling vehicles” instead. I love movies that prioritize human relationships. I love movies that explore human follies and our endearing stubbornness and irrationality.

(I do sometimes question what causes me to be drawn to these “feminine” movies. Is it that we naturally gravitate towards our media that affirms our experiences, or that I am naturally more emotional, or is my preference reactionary because I dislike formulaic Blockbusters?)

In addition to this, I think my adolescent experiences have influenced what stories I’m drawn to. For as long as I can remember I’ve been stuck between cultures, feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere. I’m drawn to films in genre limbo. Films on urban isolation and alienation (Taipei Story, Rebels of the Neon God). Films on identity where the protagonist doesn’t come up with a clear answer by the end (The Farewell). Sometimes this affinity is a bit emotionally masochistic when you consider that most of these themes aren’t happy.

When you put this stuff together it seems that I’m someone who appreciates cinema that takes its sweet time, is authentic, and affirms human existence. I’m willing to take the time to give these films a chance. I won’t be your reviewer for Avatar or Avengers; there are tons of better people for that.

2. I am not well-versed in pop culture

What are experiences we assume to be familiar to your typical 20-year-old middle-class American? 

Probably something like: consumed Saturday morning cartoons. Had a cool uncle who let you watch Adult Swim. Had a prissy middle school teacher or babysitter who forced you to watch videos on “proper etiquette.” Discovered Dragonball-Z and anime. Then discovered Spielberg and Nolan and Coen brothers.

These bits and pieces help you form a scaffolding of what “genres” themselves are. It takes a little critical awareness to start seeing Horror: unembellished or Comedy: unembellished, but the movies common to a genre have a similar message and story beats. (I’m getting some of these ideas from the Anatomy of Genres by John Truby — interesting book).

So here’s the thing, I think I didn’t have enough experiences of “Western” pop culture as a child to form these mental concepts due to parental supervision or apathy or both. I never really followed fandoms. I never watched a series to its finale. We didn’t have cable. My parents didn’t really take me to the movies and I always gravitated towards weird, obscure international media. Like, one of the best movies I ever watched was a horror about a mangaka and a plesiosaur. I also watched an absurd amount of Crayon Shin-chan.

I never considered this a problem until high school when I realized that it was really hard to talk to people, because talking about your recent Netflix binge is a fun icebreaker and saying “I don’t watch TV” completely dampens the mood. When I started watching movies with friends in college, I often felt like I was building a house from scratch. I didn’t get this culture of intertextuality and self-referencing and fourth-wall-breaking and TROPES. But on the flip side, as someone who is very aware of not being in that culture, I’m able to better point out the generalities and assumptions of a movie’s plot and structure. I know it’s assumed that a movie do this, accomplish that, end on an inspiring note of how we ought to treat others the way we want to be treated - because I’ve seen movies that don’t do this.

[spockandawe]

What are your favorite chinese webnovels? What are some of the differences youve noticed between cnovels and other types of novels?

That second question is really, REALLY interesting, and I really want to answer it well, and I am REALLY sure I’m going to do a bad job of answering it, so let me just noodle about that first question for a minute while I try to think XD

I went through some of my TOP-top favorite novels in more detail yesterday, but generally speaking, mxtx and meatbun are both at the top of the pack. They’re really good at writing compelling main characters and balancing piles of angst with plenty of humor and pulling everything together into a very satisfying ending (which is something I don’t alwaysssss see, even in some of the novels I really like). After them, The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish (transmigration, ancient chinese prince falls in love with pet fish) and Golden Stage (ancient chinese gay arranged marriage between bitter enemies(?)) are two novels that I love a lot, which both have very cute romances and go a bit lighter on the main character suffering front, and which I broadly recommend to anyone who’s interested in the genre. They didn’t end stick the landing QUITE as hard as an svsss or tgcf, but they still were very nice.

Then, let me see. I’m trying to remember which books I’ve read in the last year, and am doing a terrible job, haha. I will say that a book I enjoyed for like... eighty percent of it and then the ending let me down terribly was The Dreamer In The Spring Boudoir (modern day career woman transmigrates into barely-fantasy ancient china novel as the disliked primary wife of a nobleman), which is also the only straight webnovel I’ve read so far. The main character and romance were delightful, but that ending... haha, wow, I felt betrayed. But I did like the first half very much!! I’m idly contemplating a deliberately-partial reread. Then I’m currently like two chapters away from catching up with the current translation of The Wife Is First (ancient chinese prince lives out time travel fixit fic, determined to treat his spouse better this time around). I’m also catching up on Heroic Death System (transmigration, across MANY universes, where the goal is to die heroically in each one, and also maybeeeee to find his boyfriend in each one. this shit gets fucking bananas. in one of them, he emotionally seduces his boyfriend while he’s a dolphin. in another one, he’s a sentient mushroom. i’m in the middle of a section titled ‘I Am An Evil Pen’. yes, like a writing utensil type of pen. this is the weirdest book I’ve read so far). Oh, and Thousand Autumns (righteous sect leader gets sabotaged and loses a fight, wakes up blind and amnesiac, demonic sect leader is like ‘lol i bet i can turn him evil’ and accidentally catches feelings along the way).

What else... I’m keeping up with (but behind on) some others. First, there’s How To Survive As A Villain (modern terminally ill CEO transmigrates into stallion novel, wakes up as villain, accidentally seduces hero). Then, we’ve got Transmigrating Into The Body Of The Heartthrob’s Cannon Fodder Childhood Friend (only modern webnovel I’ve read, young man transmigrates into beginning of gratuitous whump book, back in high school, and is determined to protect the protagonist from all the canonical suffering). Then there’s Pulling Together A Villain Reformation Strategy (guy transmigrates into story as the hero’s childhood friend who will eventually become his enemy and get killed, successfully acts out his part and dies, completely fails to realize he’s broken his friend’s heart in the process... and then wakes up in another character’s body). And then there’s The Villain’s White Lotus Halo (a transmigrator keeps bouncing from universe to universe as a cannon fodder villain, who gets like half a line before being killed. he tries to purchase an upgrade package so he can be a COOL villain instead, but accidentally gets sold a ‘white lotus halo’ package instead, so that no matter what he does, everyone is just DEEPLY moved by his appearance and is positive he did nothing wrong). All of those are EXTREMELY delightful. You may notice a running transmigration theme, which....... yeah, I think there are a TON of delightful stories in the webnovel scene that deal with this genre, which seem so rare in English language media.

Which makes a good transition point to what’s different about the cnovel scene! I’ve seen hardly any transmigration stories in English, and I’ve got a couple go-to examples for when I’m trying to explain it, but like. Only a couple. Which is such a shame! Like, there’s the default idea of ‘I was reading this book and then I woke up inside the book!!’ but it’s clearly such an established genre that people are playing with it in all kinds of interesting ways, like in The Villain’s White Lotus Halo or Heroic Death System setups. It’s kind of wild to me, because it seems like such a gimme for a nice easy story structure? Whatever kind of world you want to present, there’s no need to introduce it to the reader from the ground up, or find a good way to hook them in. Either the main character read the book in question and can explain the premise and why we should care in pov, or the main character is new to the universe too, and trying to find their own footing. I enjoy it a lot! I’ve sampled transmigration books that didn’t grab me, but I’ve sampled way more that did. 

And then, the one semi-technical answer I thought of to this question was the way that these novels tend to handle pov. It’s not a hard-and-fast rule that regular novels are restricted to one pov, or that pov can only change at hard breaks in the story, but if I saw a bog-standard american novel glide from pov to pov the way these novels regularly do, I would tend to wonder if it was sloppiness or a mistake, or I would grump to myself about how I don’t like omniscient third person pov. And I still don’t know exactly what I think about this, or why it’s different in here, but I’m pretty sure I like it a lot, especially for stories where the romance tends to play a large part :V 

I used to read a lot of Books About Writing, and read plenty of stuff about why you don’t DO this, but.... I like it! In dtppf, Jing-wang can’t talk, and when Li Yu is a fish, he can’t talk, and drifting from one of their perspectives to the other gives me lots of useful information about how they’re both feeling. Could that be conveyed through restricted pov? Maybe! But I’m typesetting the svsss extras right now, and I’m in the bing-ge vs bing-mei section, and we get a few brief flashes of bing-ge’s thoughts, and it’s so NICE. It’s information I would not have otherwise received, because Shen Qingqiu sure wasn’t going to notice it. But early in the story, that pov was withheld from me, which also made sense (or hua cheng’s pov was withheld from me FOREVER, which makes me so sad ;u;). There don’t seem to be any hard and fast rules, which makes me really nervous about writing fic and trying to match the style, but I do like it a lot! 

And I’m definitely not able to articulate this in the way that I would like to, or speak with any real authority (I’m not that widely read in the cnovel scene, and i’m not very genre-adventurous in english), but there’s something about the role that the romances play in these stories that’s different from what I’m used to expecting, and it’s VERY tasty to me. I only rarely read romance novels, because I’m not often interested in the romance as a primary plot driver, but the romances in these books play a more substantial role than I’m used to expecting. And I’m into it! It’s a balance closer to what I’d expect from, like, a shippy longform fanfic. Which covers a lot of ground and is NOT a precise measure, but there’s more emotional weight given to the romance than I would expect, but without the romance carrying ALL of the emotional weight, and it strikes a perfect balance for me in a way I’m not used to encountering. Now, some of this could definitely be due to me not finding the right authors, or right subgenres, or whatever. But in the genres I inhabit, it’s a subtle difference, but one I find compelling.

Oh, one last thing. The cultural differences, duh :P I’m only familiar with things like, say, ancient chinese court etiquette through a lens of fan-translated novels like these, and I didn’t grow up steeped in the culture in a way I’m used to the trappings of something like medieval european courts. But there’s a distinct flavor to the social dynamics of these novels, from the formal levels down to the casual, and I know it’s super intricate and detailed and that authors play with differing degrees of historical accuracy vs fictional fun, and I wish I was better equipped to speak to the nature of any of this. But I find it really compelling! I recognize that it’s only new to ME because I didn’t seek out chinese media before now. And, the point that I originally wanted to get to before I got super distracted: the flirting. The flirting and teasing are a very different flavor from what I would expect in most english language media, and I love it, even if I can’t speak to how much of that is purely cultural, and how much of it is like... the conventions of How Fiction Is Written varying by culture, if that makes sense. I adore seeing what flirting and affection and indulgence and attentiveness look like in different settings, and these books, with their heavy romantic focus, absolutely deliver.

[yawpyawp]

typing to think through a stupid professional thing lol:

one of the major reasons i don't want to go back to work in person is that my work area in the office is a cubicle under florescent lights, with no windows anywhere. my view is our wall of brochure samples.

i am responsible for ~90% of the visuals that our marketing agency produces for clients, and most of it involves artistic finesse -- i design brands, websites, ad campaigns, high-end print pieces, illustrations, all that jazz

i can’t even BEGIN to articulate how unpleasant it is to try to do that kind of work in that kind of an environment, and at home i have a full studio set up and my desk sits in a huge bay window and there’s tons of light and airflow and stuff!

my company has an open corner office (well, it’s an office that has two work spaces, and one is open) and it’s got two full walls of windows (and a cool half-window wall down into the atrium of our building) and also i LOVE the lady who occupies the other desk in that room!

SO i think i’m just gonna straight up be like “i demand a corner office”

like. why are they sticking literally the only visual artist on staff in a windowless cubicle when we have THESE HUGE AMAZING WINDOWS AROUND THE ENTIRE EXTERIOR OF THE OFFICE?:

luckily, i have a really reasonable boss, and they do treat me well at that company, so i THINK all i’d have to do is ask and they’ll let me move? i hope?

[hyperfixationtimego]

Alright we’re trying this angst thing again

Diamond Brothers Angst because I said so

Both Daiya and Mondo have huge self esteem issues bc of the crash

Both think stuff along the lines of what the fuck I could have prevented that

Neither Daiya nor Mondo can sleep very well because when they hear vehicles driving past and the occasional screeching tires they’re back at the scene of the accident

They hear a semi truck rumbling past? Suddenly neither of the brothers remember how to move or breathe properly

They both survived the crash but they were both injured severely bc fuck dude that was a truck that hit them

The Crazy Diamonds witnessed the whole thing and they were Worried™️

And we all know how the Owadas hate being vulnerable

Neither of the brothers could actively ride their motorcycles for a long time after the crash because they couldn’t handle it emotionally

They played off their mental recovery time as time in the hospital

Daiya made Mondo promise not to get back on his motorcycle, much less the road, until he was 100% sure that he was prepared to handle it because what if there’s another freak accident that neither of them have control over

Mondo made Daiya promise the exact same thing because He Cares™️

Mondo has reoccurring nightmares about the crash and often sees Daiya dead in those nightmares

The gang shows up in the nightmares too and they’ve all been hit and it’s all Mondo’s fault and he couldn’t be a good leader because he wasn’t strong enough and why couldn’t he just be more like his brother god fucking dammit

Sometimes he sees Taka or Chihiro in place of Daiya and the Diamonds and that Absolutely Terrifies Him™️

Daiya has reoccurring thoughts about hijacking a truck to hit the driver who hurt him and his little brother

He wants them to feel all the same pain and more that they put the Diamond Brothers through

Daiya has breakdowns over this because even if he is a gang leader, he would not go that far

cue the Am I A Bad Person Complex™️

Mondo does not let himself stim

He doesn’t think it’s manly and it definitely doesn’t fit the Tough Guy™️ act

This leads to worsened focus and next thing you know he and Daiya are having a yelling match at home because if Mondo’s grades drop any lower he’ll be expelled soon and Daiya just wants the best for his brother but nothing works out the way it was planned

One time Mondo received a popsicle stick and paper heart from Taka

He was extremely happy

When he got back to his dorm he was that happy that he was shaking and then oh shit

Mondo broke it

He snapped the popsicle sticks in half

the note that Taka wrote,, it got ripped in the process

Mondo full on sobbed over this for an hour at the least

Like

Actual

Real

Tears

He broke something that Taka— not just his bf, but his best friend— had worked so hard on to make just for him and he fucking broke it like a shit for brains idiot

Mondo is terrified of hurting his friends

Because what if he forgets to take his adhd meds one day and his emotional dysregulation is all fucked up and he has an outburst again and actually hurts his friends

Or what if he takes 2+ doses by accident and focuses too hard and is left staring at one (1) spot and everyone hates him and what if they think he’s a creep

Mondo hates going out of his dorm at night because what if someone else is out and they have a flashlight and now they’re pointing it at him and it’s bright and those are headlights and that’s

that’s his brother

on the ground

not moving

Mondo will start shaking and he’ll break down hyperventilating or freeze on the spot

Either way, he hates being vulnerable

Whaddaya think? :D was that enough angst?

also can you tell that i kin Daiya on the dl bc i too got hit by a moving vehicle to save my young mer sibling from being hit /lh but also srs lmfo

HEY TINK??? HEY TINK????????

GodDAMN make me cry over this shit oKAY-

also sorry this took ✨forever✨ I had to gather my Thoughts™️ and my brain did not want to work today 😌

also before we get into my things, tw for trauma (obviously), unhealthy coping mechanisms, underage smoking/drug relapse/smoking as a crutch, and suicidal ideation (passive, but still there)

First of all, y e a h oh my god?? There is literally so much internalized guilt for both of them,,,,,like they rlly do have episodes sometimes where they just. Play over the events of what lead up to the crash in their heads and fixate on what they could have done differently,,,,,even though in the moment they both did their best? Like “well, I shouldn’t have taken us down this street” or “if I had acted quicker, maybe it wouldn’t have happened” and.....yeah those thoughts really fuck with them, y’know?

and 100% that unexpected/overwhelming vehicle noises and/or presences are nearly debilitating. Honestly, I imagine that Mondo can’t go hang out with Leon and Taka or whoever else if said people are hanging out in Kaz’s workshop. Owada’s only ever been in there once and immediately had to leave when he heard Kazuichi starting an engine he was working on. Not to mention being surrounded by a shit ton of vehicles, even if they were idle, had kept him on-edge the entire thirty seconds he was able to handle it.

They both deal with a lot of phantom pain, as well. Like something triggers them and suddenly, even if they’re able to remain in the moment and keep conscious of their surroundings, they somehow feel every ache, every twinge of pain, every breaking bone, or bruised patch of skin that they felt on that day. It’s a lot more prominent in Daiya than it is with Mondo, but they do both experience it!

And neither one lets the other know when they’re feeling like shit or having an episode because 😌 Daiya. wants to be strong. for his little brother. and Mondo. sees his brother basically functioning like a typical person. and figures that there’s something wrong with him. because he can’t get over what happened.

Takemichi is absolute shit with Emotions and being vulnerable or getting people to open up to him, but he’s like..........internally these bitches are Not Okay what the fuck am I supposed to do about it???? So he kind of...tries to hint to both of them that he’s worried? Without making it obvious or embarrassing them, but he’s like.......fuck these assholes.......making me be the one to make them realize they need help goddamnit........

And michi exhibiting a change in behavior is pretty 👀 because. it’s michi I mean he’s not just gonna change the way he talks in front of u for nothing, u know? So both Daiya and Mondo are actually able to pick up on it, although their reactions differ pretty greatly.

Like Daiya’s first thought is “wow, he’s worried, that’s really sweet of him. Better convince him everything’s okay.”

Meanwhile Mondo’s is “wow, he’s worried. my stupid emotional turmoil is that obvious. he must think I’m some sorta fuckin idiot for not being able to get over it. or selfish. or both. yeah, probably both.”

Also I think Daiya’s pretty perceptive in general? Like he can Tell™️ that something’s going on with his brother, but........yeah emotional conversations....vulnerability......that’s rlly neither of their strong suits. + he also figures that if it were something mondo were really really really having trouble with, he would come talk to him!

And so Daiya has absolutely no concept of just how Not Good his brother is doing right now hbbvvvv

So he settles for being like “I’m just gonna stay strong and act like the memories and intrusive thoughts aren’t affecting me in any way because I want to be a good role model” (which. is not healthy obv)

oh g o d the nightmares

they are so horrible and vivid and concentrated at times that Mondo simply.....refuses to sleep. He’s exhausted, both mentally and physically, and yet he can’t bring himself to close his eyes because he knows what he’ll see if he does.

And of course it affects him to the point that his friends start to become worried. Like Taka notices a stark increase in tardiness or general absences, and, after an initial assumption that it was simply Mondo choosing not to care about his academics again, realized that there was probably a lot more going on than he realized. He really, really wanted to bring it up and let his boyfriend know that he’ll always be there for him no matter what, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to articulate it properly. The farthest he gets is with the question, “is everything okay?”

And as much as Mondo wants to respond to him by saying that no, in fact, everything is not okay, everything sucks and everything hurts and he’s tired and he hates himself and sometimes he wishes that the crash had killed him, but that’s selfish so he should shut up- he just.....can’t bring himself to open himself up like that. Yes, he and Ishi are dating, so logically he should be able to tell him all this, but.....it’s so much. It’s too much. Too much to think, too much to feel, let alone try to explain. So he shuts himself up with a quick, curt, “Yeah.”

And....Taka knows he’s lying. He’s not sure how he knows, but he does. And it hurts to see someone he loves so much in such a state of anguish, and basically be unable to do anything about it because....how is he supposed to respond? What is he supposed to say? Navigating everyday interaction is difficult enough without having to improv something that could affect his partner’s mental health indefinitely. So....he does his best. Which isn’t enough, really, but it’s something.

“You can tell me anything.”

Mondo wants to believe him.

—

Another side of that same coin is Mondo skipping class a lot more than is typical for him. It’s almost always with Leon, but he’s also begun slipping away on his own, occasionally, as well, now.

And....y’know, at first, Leon thought it was super rad that Owada and he were skipping more! Like it used to be that Kuwata would offer for them to miss the next class, and Mondo’s usual answer would be ‘not today,’ and then Leon would keep bugging him about it until Mondo either gave in or told him to fuck off.

But....there’s just something about how it went from Leon being constantly shut down, to being told yes around the first few times the idea was brought up, to how, suddenly, Kuwata wasn’t even the one asking, anymore. It’s....depressing? Uncomfortable?

There’s also the fact that hanging out while they’re cutting just....isn’t as fun as it used to be? Leon’ll crack jokes or come up with stupid dares, and Mondo’s responses will be noncommittal at best. And Leon’s had enough experience with sleep deprivation to know it in his friends when he sees it.

He’s never been put in this situation before - usually it’s kuwata having some sort of stupid episode and usually it’s owada who’ll tell him to chill the fuck out and think rationally about things, but....Mondo acts a lot different when he’s upset than Leon does. He smokes more. Cuts himself off from everyone. Doesn’t engage with anything.

It’s different with people like Toko, or Makoto, or Kaz, because Leon knows what they need. He knows whether or not they need vulnerability, or a physical presence, or tough love, or tactile grounding, or a willing ear or shoulder to cry on, but with Mondo......he just isn’t sure.

So Leon doesn’t comment.

——-

Chihiro’s probably the one to get him to open up about it ngl.

ANYWAY-

y e a h Daiya intrusive thoughts?????? fuck yeah???? absolutely??????

god yeah I rlly feel him on that ngl hbhdbdbdbbb

and MONDO DARLING 🥺

god okay it SUCKS because????? he doesn’t judge his friends for stimming????? Like he sees his friends fidgeting or repeating phrases or rocking back and forth and he’s like???? Hell yeah you go u funky kid ilysm

But when it comes to himself????? he’s like if I do anything aside from stay perfectly still, I’m weird and bad and a failure so I simply Will Not

he’s wrong but it doesn’t change the fact that he feels that way ❤️

hhhvhvvdd I’m also a slut for daiya doing his best as a makeshift parental figure,,,,,,,like fuck dude okay,,,,,,as an older sibling who also loves and cares about their younger sibs but often finds emotionally connecting with them to be difficult,,,,,,,,,mood??? And having all of that amplified by rlly being his younger bro's only support in his home life,,,,,,,like ok mr. owada go off

he feels a lot of pressure to get it right and make sure that Mondo's doing okay, so the grades really worry him. but, of course, grades are a touchy subject with mondo regardless, so as u said it devolves into arguments and yelling and a lot of defensiveness!!

and god okay,,,,,,,the heart rlly got me,,,,,,,like that hurt. it rlly hurt man okay damn

honestly??? I think that might be the thing that gets him to break. like that might be his final straw.

because when they meet up again, Ishi asks him about it and whether or not he liked it. And Mondo just.

fucking.

breaks.

down.

He’s shaking and he’s crying and there’s snot running down his nose and this is so ugly and so not manly but he can’t stop. he can’t stop. Because there is this sweet, gentle, kind, sweet, beautiful, darling, sweet man before him who did something so nice for him, something he didn’t deserve, and he destroyed it.

Like he destroys everything.

And so when Taka panics and asks him what’s wrong (yes Ishi gets worried that he did something bad and yes ishi also gets worried that his boyfriend didn’t like the present because hdbdvdvd kin 💛) owada just. spills everything. and he doesn’t even begin with the gift??? he starts with apologies upon apologies, many of them incoherent, and many of them with Mondo not even certain what he’s apologizing for, just that he knows he needs to

and ofc Taka is like o-o because wow ok

but after his initial shock, and after Mondo has thoroughly cried himself out and explained everything he could stand to explain at that point in time, Taka just......holds him. And strokes his face, brushing away the tears that have not yet dried, simply offering his body as a weight, as something for Mondo to ground himself with. And it works.

And Taka insists that Mondo has nothing to apologize for, only that he wishes Mondo would have told him what was going on sooner. Because he wants to help. And hearing that just gets Owada’s waterworks going all over again, but he’s still got Ishi there with him. He hasn’t scared him off.

And it’s more than enough.

—

and UGH yeah????? yes absolutely absolutely okay okay so,,,,,,,,mondo comorbid adhd/depression/anxiety

like sir 🤝

got me fucked up smh

honestly he’s probably not diagnosed with the depression or anxiety, either, until something like the incident with ishi prompts him to realize oh wow I’m not okay actually

so yes he 100% does???

he constantly has all of these what if situations swirling around in his brain about what might happen if he fucks up, or does something that he doesn’t qualify as fucking up in the moment, but leads to something awful or painful or harmful for someone else, and he’s just??????? g o d

[whoknowsbud]

Stand Mutation AU

Warning, this is FILLED with body horror! And somewhat loose but present connections to the recent epidemic! Mainly in part 4...

These are mostly just lists of the designs, and this post will only contain parts 3 & 5. There’s a lot more bulk to what was written to part 4, and there’s a lot more angst written, so that’s going to be a separate post.

(Which is now here!)

The idea here is essentially taking the ‘stand sickness’ Holy and Josuke had and twisting it into overdrive. Rather than gaining stands, the infected mutate (often horrifically, but there are some who look almost unaffected) based on their in-canon stands. The uninfected don’t see the full image; the shapes and colors come through, but not completely. The common headlight-style eyes are a big giveaway (until they’re not).

The mutations here will also commonly hinder most functions, especially rational thought. It’s most often temporary as the infected adjusts to the changes of their body. This can take a number of forms, but what happened to the Nijimura brothers is the worst it gets. The term for this for now is going to be ‘fried’.

The infection is only transferred by the arrow, and genetic relation.

Part 3

Holy has flowers growing on her body. Has a way better handle on it than Jotaro; fully present and coherent, the flowers just need to sap a little of her energy to grow big and bright. So, yeah, she's completely fine.

Jotaro ends up this ethereal star man with so much luscious hair, but also partly fried at the start; ends up being essentially like a big dog for a while (acts on base instinct and can’t articulate).

Joseph’s arms become vines. That’s it, that’s all. Vines for arms.

Avdol is pretty much just fused with Magician’s Red. I say ‘just’, but he’s pretty damn rad.

Kakyoin is basically a bunch of wires, wrapped to make a more human shape. Rather than shooting solid energy bursts, he can send energy through the wires.

Polnareff, like Avdol, is also just fused with his Silver Chariot. The armor and sword are still removable.

Iggy is made of sand. Can shapeshift, often takes the form of a wolf, because he can and he wants to.

Hol Horse has a gun for a hand. Yes, that's all.

Gray Fly... tiny man. Beetle sized old man with beetle wings and dagger tongue. Nasty nasty.

Imposter Captain Tenille is a fish-man, simple as that. Basically take Dark Blue Moon and put it in the mans clothes. This makes it obvious that he’s the enemy the moment he comes out, but Anne is still under some suspicion at first.

Forever is just Strength. Green ship with orangutang face.

Devo basically is Ebony Devil. Imagine making a (somewhat crappy) almost life size doll of Devo, and there you go. Rather than needing a grudge to act, he forms his grudge as he fights, making him stronger.

Rubber Soul is just Yellow Temperance; when he went through stand puberty he just pretty much melted.

J. Geil is just Hanged Man; only seen through reflections. Tied a knife to his hand.

Nena is almost the same as canon; she assimilates a beautiful woman to host her real body (which has no skin covering, so here she needs a host, the looks are just preference), and still leaves parasites on victims through her blood.

ZZ's stand mutation is actually his arm. His arm is the car.

Enya… ghost? Still uses fog for the illusions, still does puppet stuff? But then Jotaro would still have to suck her down so NO, THANKS

Steely Dan, the crab man. Can duplicate himself but at NOWHERE near the same rate. Not as effective either. He's about the size of your average 14 year old.

Arabia Fats is just. On fire. Fire man. Human torch. But more fire. Just fire.

Mannish boy appears with a flat, jester-like face, so the group knows to refuse.

Cameo... genie?

Midler is basically herself with High Priestess's power to become any mineral. Still can shapeshift, but its limited.

N’Doul… could be a water man. Sends his hand out so he can stay safely out of most people’s range.

Anubis... is just the same Anubis as canon. It's a sword, what were you expecting?

Mariah is the magnetizer. It happens through contact, and feels like a small static shock. It does not work on normal people, although they do feel the shock.

Alessi has just become a shadow, his own silhouette, that de-ages those it touches like in canon, with the same eyes and manifesting ability, too. Cannot talk.

The D’arby brothers are a terrible amalgamation of the souls they’ve taken.

Pet Shop is... just its stand I think.

Vanilla Ice is another stand/user mix. As uncomfortable as the v o r e is, it seems like the only sensible thing...

Dio is similar to Jotaro. But green & yellow, with more disturbing growths (those... bullet chain suspenders looking things, and the apparent oxygen tanks on the back). He's a bit distorted, rippling in time with the seconds.

Part 5

Haruno becomes a plant creature (Oh you want limbs? Limbs to hold things? Too bad, you get tendrils!), changes his name to Giorno. The human body is still inside, controlling everything. When he’s truly happy, he blooms.

Bruno's body is just zippers. They can all be opened or closed (although if they're all opened he's kind of a mess, and its an awful noise), and what's under them is just a void. He seems to have glowing orbs as eyes, revealed by a single open zipper over where his eyes would be. To resemble a more human form, he has zippers on his head to look like hair. There are a few zippers that hang off his arms and legs almost like fins, and he will whip you with them.

Abbachio is a glitchy creature that looks like someone constantly flipping channels, with a sort of goo coating his body in almost the exact way it does Moody Blues.

Narancia is a ‘cyborg’, fighting logic output to stay ‘human’

Mista basically goes through mitosis, becoming 7 of himself; but it takes time for them to truly separate.

Fugo appears to be normal, but he has this ‘oxygen’ tank & connected mask. The Purple Haze virus is more of a gas here, produced in his lungs, so he has to have a way to contain it when he's around others. Once he starts getting emotional, he sort of melts into a zombie-like form; starts looking like a typical victim of Purple Haze.

(Giorno's able to take in an absurd amount of toxins and pollution and spit out a shit ton of oxygen, so there's much less concern.)

WE RETAIN THE DINOSAUR SPICE GIRL HERE, TRISH IS A STRETCHY & SQUISHY LIZARDWOMAN.

Mr President is a cube, still with the room. He's like a box. A box turtle, you might say.

Polpo is still in prison. His shadow does pretty much everything Black Sabbath does. Permanent poggers face.

Zucchero is a slug. Has spikes on his body that perform Soft Machine’s ability, and they’re barbed to grab the deflated forms.

Sale... maybe he's already dead. Infection stopped his own heart or something. Or hes like.. a landmark. Like Angelo in canon; fully immobile, but sort of immortal. /till you destroy the body I guess...

Formaggio’s size is constantly fluctuating, not always proportionately consistent.

Illuso... doesn't exist outside of mirrors. He can still communicate to those on the other side, and pull them in, but can't leave, himself. He works similarly to Yoshihiro Kira; ig seal the mirror, you seal him.

Prosciutto has so many eyes. Just all over, so so many. Somewhat shriveled up from the waist down.

Pesci has a fishing pole arm I guess...

Melone is some sort of... digital-ish cyborg thing. The Babyface kids are the same though

Ghiaccio is essentially fused with his suit, with the weak spot in the back of his neck frozen over. It’s actually like the mane of a lion, but ice; he can’t turn his head at all, speaking is near impossible, and eating is a struggle as well. The white album fight reveals a lot:

Due to literally being plants, Giorno has to revert back to Haruno or risk serious danger. This is the first time he’s come out; they knew he existed (he was mentioned in passing) but they weren't sure if he was alive or dead. When he can take his plants form again, it’s... kind of horrifying. Roots and vines coming out of his body, wrapping around him...

Risotto is basically a living Metallica colony. Take risotto, make every 5x5 pixels a metallica bean, there you go that’s him.

Squalo... Sharkboy

Tiziano looks fine, but his mouth is all wrong. Tongues like a starfish.

Secco... mud? Mudman?

Cioccolata looks like a zombie, moldy and decomposed an shit.

Diavolo and Doppio are... basically, literally, just King Crimson and Epitaph. They can apparently switch places? Maybe

[aerial-aspie]

An Autistic Point of View 2

Hi there! It's Hazel and I'm first going to talk about what it's like to me to be autistic.

So for me I got diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 14 and it has helped me understand a lot of my traits, which now I can articulate to you.

I'm obsessive and I mean very obsessive, once I find something I really really like it's all the occupies my brain day and night, everyday and sometimes to the point where I can't focus because all I want to think about is my obsession. A few examples of this was Vocaloid, BTS/K-pop and right now Genshin Impact.

During lessons, I struggled to stay 100% focused at all times because my brain always likes to drift off into dream land and I have to make a big mental effort to reign myself back into reality. This problem affect me when I used to take Chemistry (it was far too hard for my pea brain anyway) and the moment my brain switched off, BOOM! I'd missed a ton of information, even if it was only for 10 seconds.

However, now, after changing subjects and finding the right ones for me, I'm finding it much easier to control my need to daydream and can focus much better.

Next, I am forgetful. Imagine a sieve but only the unimportant information (normally to do with what I'm obsessing over) stays and everything else falls through, no matter how important it is to me. I hurt my knuckles over lockdown learning and needed to ice them frequently and it was very important, however, 2 seconds after remembering I needed to do that, you guessed it! I forgot about it.

Forgetfulness is hard, especially when at school because I need to drill my theory into my brain so hard because I will forget so easily. As well as at school, I have my phone and Alexa full of reminders to tell me to simple tasks such as to update this blog or to practice my piano or else I'd forget.

Lets throw in a weird one now. To be honest even I have no clue if this is an autistic trait but it's certainly something that affects me. When studying or reading I can't listen to any music with English lyrics. Why? Because I focus on the lyrics and draw myself into them and then struggle to concentrate when working because I can understand what's being sung. So my playlists involve game soundtracks, a few screamo bands (you can't understand what they're saying anyways) and Asian pop.

One thing that was said through my diagnosis is that it's possible I could have anxiety for life and as of writing this I'm currently trying to get therapy or medication for it.

Anxiety is isolating, it's painful with its physical side effects (which manifest in chest pains for me), it gives unneeded stress over problems which to others seem minor, it gives me panic attacks which range in severity, it gives a fear embarrassment, of messing up, of standing out, of being DIFFERENT.

Everything about myself I scrutinise, I'm trying to give up chocolate because it gives me so much extra stress that I believe it's unhealthy for myself. I must present myself in a way where I don't seem rude or impolite as I'm scared of how everyone will react. If I get into an argument or something I believe is an argument, I beat myself up about it and I feel like I hurt everyone around me.

I believe I'm a constant annoyance, when I'm around people I'm comfortable with I'm a chatterbox and you can't shut me up. But it makes me self conscious, am I talking too much? Is everyone just being friendly out of obligation? Are they all secretly annoyed at me? Are questions I ask myself daily and blame myself at some points for not being normal.

My brain sticks to the past and words echo my mind for sometimes years giving me fears that others would even know of. Such as the lessons about heart disease in biology always play in my mind to the point I want to give up chocolate because it's giving me so much stress as my brain is like OH MY GOD YOU ATE CHOCOLATE NOW YOU'RE GONNA DIE! And then I get stressed and get chest pains which only further add to it.

Now we got the heavy topic out the way lets move on! Autism has led me to have a fine motor coordination disability which has affect me my whole life, I can't handwrite well, I struggle opening tins, peeling vegetables, unlocking the door to get in my house, using scissors, folding things and the list goes on (and let me tell you it's long).

But you get the gist, I struggle with a lot of things and it can take me a much longer amount of time to work out things than someone normal.

I'm also extremely disorganised, actually that's a lie. I'm extremely organised but it doesn't look it. My room is a mess and I know that but I could tell you where everything is in seconds because it's what I call 'an organised mess'. I organise things but it's not neat, it's just where my brain decides is a good place to put things.

My school bag is so organised to point I don't like people touch it because I know where everything is and it has to be in the same pockets or else I'll get upset because it just has to be there and that is something no one can change.

However, even though I'm on that point of organisation, I still get stressed about if I have forgotten anything even though I never have.

Part of my autism is physical traits too, I am born with weak muscles in many places, the ones I know of so far are my wrists, knees, eyes and lower back. Because of this I can't handwrite long essays and have to have computer support to help me with this problem. With other areas, it's places I know I need to be careful when training at circus because I discovered my weak back after crucifix rolls on a cloudswing went wrong (it's a type of error that will always happen when learning this move) and I locked up my spine, from then on I've never done that move ever again.

Whilst being quite extroverted (only around people I'm comfortable with, if not I'm extremely shy) I'm actually very sensitive to things. I can't be touched suddenly or at my waist or I will flinch or flail and let me tell you, as I martial artist I do hit extremely hard in reflex. I also am sensitive to loud noises when I'm not expecting it, such as seeing war horse the stage show where the sounds of gun shots and explosions were played so loud that I had a panic attack in the theatre. However, at concerts, I'm fine as I'm expecting this loud noise and I know what is coming.

A weird thing I find about myself is that I'm very contrasting, I'm highly emotional but don't understand emotion. My first emotional response to any emotion is to cry and yes it is extremely embarrassing to cry in front of others (I believe crying in public should be normalised not shamed). Yet I can't understand emotion such as when people are sad, I don't realise it and happily talk to them and then feel like they hate me because they ignore me and then beat myself up for not realising they're sad when they tell me so. But it's not just sadness, being talked to in a firm voice, to me means they're angry when they're not, criticism means everything I've done is stupid and you get the point.

However, not only do I not understand emotion normally, I actually at times can't feel it, I get excited before a concert but when it starts I feel nothing, everything I feel just disappears and my mind is blank, so I actually have to force myself to be happy and then my brain realises I'm happy and I don't have to put in effort to sustain an emotion.

Now last but not least (remember how I said I was forgetful, it's already come into play here that I can't even remember if I've covered everything about my Asperger's) I can't do instructions, if I'm given a list of items I need to take, a long list of instructions to follow with no physical copy to reference by the time the last instruction has been said, I've already forgotten the first one and this has been fatal when I've ended up with really bad sunburn because I forgot to bring sun cream because the list I was given was too long to remember.

And that's it folks, my autism is a nutshell that's probably missing some stuff but it's as much as I can tell you from the top of my head and if I remember more stuff I'll make sure to post it.

Thanks for following!

[darklightsworld]

Hello, I remember you saying some time ago you didn't like how female characters are portrayed in (current) anime because of how annoying and, maybe, misogynistic their archetypes are. Could you maybe elaborate on this point? I feel similar but can't articulate well and always end up feeling like I'm the one being misogynistic whenever this type of subject comes up in conversation x.x Sorry if this comes up as too personal.

Sorry about the late reply, I have been busy with a conference. Also sorry, because my answer is a bit long and all over the place ^^;

This is a difficult question, especially because nowadays people like to think in black and white, and everything is so extreme, like if they don’t like something, then it must be wrong and eliminated, not to mention the policing of every content based to this – which kills diversity and dismisses personal (and gendered) preferences. What I think is really a personal preference and not exactly a general critique of female characters in anime, especially because there are many factors to consider (genre, age and gender or the target audience, cultural background, etc.), and there’s also the audience with its multiple readings.

Personally I dislike most female character types manga and anime has to give, because I’m not really a person for overly feminine and girly things. The Japanese ideal is very cutesy and it’s the standard in both media for men, women and also real life. Not just looks, there is also the behavior side of things, the cutesy, childish, girly ideal, the passivity, helplessness, pretending to be stupid, etc, and I outright hate it when female characters are treated as stupid, clumsy messes. The question is, though, is this ideal really conservative and an embodiment of the toxic patriarchal system? Actually not necessarily. They definitely originate from the oppressive system, but over the decades girls made these ideals their own, and turned them into a weapon to get what they want. Even in real life, fashion is very feminine for me, always with frills, ribbons, flitters, tons of dresses and skirts, and it’s difficult to find plain clothes without any decoration, not to mention all the cuteness in goods and stuff, but as for the behavior of girls and women, the cutesy ideal seems more like a role to be played at a certain age or for certain purposes, like getting things they want and eventually the man. A woman, who didn’t like this ideal herself defined it as “they had to play the wounded deer”. Actually women, who use this role too much and even among women, are usually hated – this is the infamous burikko.

But no matter how they were in their younger years, married women don’t use this role anymore, and they seamlessly slip into a different identity, one that rules the family and the finances with iron fist (I’m stereotyping) – nothing cutesy, helpless or stupid about that. The Japanese themselves are aware of this cutesy role, both men and women, it’s their version of cunning flirtatiousness, it’s just a very different type of flirtatiousness than in the West. For example, there is currently even a tv show enacting certain situations where this cutesy behavior is used to get the man, and the hosts rate how effective the cutesy behavior was. But while I understand intellectually that these are not necessarily misogynistic stereotypes, I have some kind of a visceral hatred for them. The above tv show makes me outright nauseous. It’s a personal preference, and I don’t think I have to like these character types. But I also don’t think they should be erased from Japanese media, and it would be a mistake trying to push my very independent Western values onto such a different culture, so I rather avoid these characters – which is not easy.

So, what does this mean for anime and manga? Both are largely determined by genres (manga more than anime), genres work with clean-cut character types, tropes, traditions and reader expectation, so there is a reason why female (and male) characters are the way they are in different genres. Male-oriented works will obviously have female characters that appeal to men even if the work doesn’t have in your face fanservice shots (though let’s face it, if it’s anime, most of them do). I don’t like these female character types, I don’t think I have to like them, they are clearly not geared toward me, but I also don’t think they shouldn’t be there in a clearly male-oriented media. Sure, there can be discussions about removing overly exploitive situations, harassment and rape or things like that, but I’m not really against letting men have their fun – because I expect to have that same freedom in media geared toward women. There are occasionally unisex anime, but usually they still serve one or the other demographic in a way, and I don’t think it’s possible to create truly unisex anime that everybody will be satisfied with – fanservice for women will always bother men, and fanservice for men will always bother women.

Shōjo manga is a more difficult question, because somewhere in the 70s romance started to focus on imperfect heroines who still got the best guy, because he loved them regardless of their imperfections (“I love you the way you are”), and since then the genre is full of the stupid, clumsy, indecisive, housewife material archetype without any dreams beyond getting the boy (or very old-school women job dreams), which does not appeal to me either, so I usually avoid most romance shōjo manga, especially the high school variant, and even most josei manga, because I don’t care for the adult version of the same with marriage as the end goal *shrug* Actually it’s not even about these things only, like, I disliked Arte too (though not shōjo manga), despite it trying (and failing) to pose as a feminist social commentary, just because the mc way annoying. Fortunately there are a lot of other types of shōjo manga as well, even with more appealing female characters or the best, without female characters (plus the whole BL scene), so it’s not all that bad, at least in manga, not so much in anime. Interestingly, I’m much more compatible with shōjo manga by fujoshi artists. If I like a shōjo manga, usually the artist ends up coming out as a fujoshi after a while by posting BL fanart on her twitter or drawing outright BL manga – it’s been a pattern XD

Anime is more difficult, but I also admit, that my tastes might be extreme. In Japan there are many female fans who love the cute female characters of male-oriented media. Many women like Love Live, for example, because the girls are, I quote, “so cuuuuuute” – while I am fighting nausea… Yeah, Japan is imbued with cute. It’s especially difficult, because I’m usually not willing to watch a series even if there are such female characters in supporting roles or as a second protagonist with male characters I would love to see (Cop Craft was a recent-ish example). And while I avoid female only casts on principle, sometimes there are surprises. For example, the Yashahime anime has terrible writing, but I don’t hate the three main female characters (even if occasionally the anime has some iffy things to say about femininity).

I also mentioned multiple readings. It is important to note that the audience does not necessarily interpret everything the same, especially if there are cultural differences. One of the most famous examples for this is Sailor Moon, which was the incarnation of girl power and emancipation in the West in the 90s, but it has the same “dumb heroine gets the dream guy” trope, and the same conservative message of getting married and giving birth to children as any average shōjo manga, and the same “so cuuuuute” packaging. It really depends on the audience what they get away with.

All in all there are preferences, genre conventions, cultural differences, so the whole thing is quite difficult. But I don’t think you need to be worried about not liking or being uncomfortable with certain character types. And it would be a stretch to consider tastes like mine, for example, misogynistic. Sure, even in real life I make a wide berth around overly girly or feminine women (among others), but it can’t be helped, you can’t like and be friends with everyone, and I guess they wouldn’t like me or wanting to be my friend either. And that’s fine, and I don’t think it’s misogynistic for me to reject certain types of femininity for myself and to interact with, as long as I don’t want to erase or invalidate them, or deem them as inferior – and I don't. Of course, this is the attitude I expect towards myself as well. Live and let live 🖖

[vanzhuo]

do you have any tips on how to start a writeblr, specifically how to meet more people and make some cool mutuals? :D i wanna start a writeblr but i don’t know anyone from the community and i feel like it’s not as fun without friends :(

ok so hey, first of all, i’m not good at articulating my thoughts well but here it goes -- there isn’t any one way to start a writeblr. when i’d started mine, i lounged around idly for a couple of months reblogging things from other writeblrs. when i finally mustered up wits to post an intro, some writeblrs reblogged and boosted it so that’s how many people found my blog. but like, at the beginning, i was clueless enough (don’t you dare laugh) to ask @semblanche what a taglist was because i was confused about why everyone was asking to be on it. so yeah. i’m gonna jot down a couple of things you should do if you want to like join the community under the cut since this is getting too long and you should all be saved from making the same mistakes i made at the start. and of course, some tips on networking around the community and finding new mutuals!

1. make an intro post. so the one thing i’ve learnt after changing blogs twice is, make an intro post you are satisfied with. it can be simple one, a text post where you use the header option to announce your writeblr (ex. if i were to make an intro, i’d say kalki’s writeblr) and then i’d put in my name, the kind of stuff i like to read, the kind of stuff i like to write and the wips i am writing. point is, it should be something you like, something that tells something about you. like the first time i did this, my intro said: this girl doesn’t know what she’s doing. the second time: she’s being too pretentious, move on people. so on and so forth. some people prefer using fancy images (i am some people) to introduce their blogs with an image post instead, but you’re fine with or without. one thing you should keep in mind is to like tag a few of your favorite blogs. i didn’t do this the first time round because i wasn’t sure what exactly i was doing but you should all know that if you tag your favorite blogs, then those blogs will (mostly, sometimes mentions mess up like it does with me and tumblr doesn’t notify you about being tagged) definitely reblog and boost it. that way, a lot of people will, if not engage with you, then at least know of your existence. here’s my intro post for this blog, if you want. it’s not very, um, formal because i was sleepy and thought it was funny. 

2. don’t be discouraged by the amount of notes on your intro. listen, i know we’d all feel bad if we had like 7 likes and 2 reblogs alright but don’t be discouraged. i mean now that i go back, my intro post has only about 36 notes. it really just depends on the timing. however, when you start posting content, those 10 people who’ve interacted with your post will like it and will reblog it for everyone to see and when people start seeing your content, they get interested and slowly, you’ll have more people to interact with and more people will discover your content and i think what i’m trying to say is that, the note count does matter but don’t be discouraged if it isn’t enough. it’ll take time but you’ll find a solid footing really soon, writeblr’s a really warm engaging place minus the anon hate people get sometimes. (see: @inheriting. all queen elle did was breathe, guys.) 

3. interact with other people and their content. so yes. it’s not a one side deal. if you want people to find your blog, you’ll have to start looking for more content too. when you see something good, reblog it or comment on it or even send an ask telling them it’s god tier content. that stuff makes up half the amount of serotonin in our brains. seriously. there’s nothing writers like more than people reblogging their posts with incoherent screaming or coming into their asks to tell them something they think is funny. you could even post something like: hey, i’m a new writeblr and i’m looking for content like (enter the genres or tropes you prefer) and if you have wips similar to this, then pls reblog this with their tags. i wanna start engaging more. something like that. yeah.

4. message other writeblrs? ok so this is a thing that i would not recommend doing ONLY because sometimes everything gets lost in my notifs and i don’t see messages for days and i know other writeblrs probably face this too. tumblr automatically reads them and doesn’t lmk and stuff like that. and secondly, most of us don’t really, like, answer dms all the time. sometimes i got something important to say so i’ll go to minnie @medusaswrites or to chel @starshots and scream about it and then when the topic of conversation closes, and it gets awkward (i do this so many times you don’t even know) we go back to ghosting private messages and instead blasting each other’s ask boxes with love. that’s just how this stuff works. but there are plenty of writeblrs who aren’t awkward with private messaging and they will LOVE to talk to you so there’s also that. honestly, i don’t know where i’m going with this so i’ll stop now. 

5. graphics and other things. ok so the main part, and the most important part, about a writeblr blog is the writing. so you’re a good writer, you’re a great writer. that’s not all though. sometimes you need to organize your blog. you use coded tags like tags for a particular character (say, my character tag for katya is oc: katya) and tags for a particular wip and inspo tags, resources tags, aesthetic tags, etc. this helps you organize your blog better. and finally, look, i know most people can’t do photoshop, either because it’s too expensive or too complicated and i get it. photoshop isn’t required honestly, there are tons of other things you can use. what mostly attracts attention is how attractive a blog can be. the layout for your blog for one. the picspam for your wip intro. that sort of thing. they are a couple of apps on phone that are free to use like picsart and canva (it’s on web too and honestly, the one thing you should use. it’s not like photoshop but it does the job and it does the job really well. if you want to ask someone about canva, you should go to raye @vigilantscar. she isn’t a writeblr but she’s good in that department.) also, if you’ve got something to ask about layouts or simple intro post demos and arrangement or the kind of pictures you should choose for them then slide into my dms, i’ll be happy to help.

i think that’s all? like true, writeblr isn’t fun without friends but this community is so nice and open that anyone can join anytime and you’d feel welcome. i also feel like i’ve not been able to get a few points across without sounding ignorant/awkward? or like i might have forgotten a few things? but honestly, i just woke up. also, i’m gonna tag a few blogs here that you should check out for good content in no particular order: @starshots @medusaswrites @carumens @vandorens @liarede @aelenko @inesnenci @kiesinger @medeaes @noloumna @emdrabbles and @inheriting. there are tons of other writeblrs with good content that i’m pretty sure i, with the memory of a goldfish, forgot to mention but. yeah. if you ever get round to posting an intro, tag me! i’ll be happy to interact! 

[yulmoldauer]

its better not to say such things out loud (Tyson Jost/OC): Chapter One

part 2

Story summary: Mason Wright was recently traded and because an Av. Sometimes a fresh start with a new team across the country is what a guy needs, right? It seems to work out, going to a place where no one truly knows you. That is, until someone finds out what you’re desperately trying to hide.

Chapter 1

Summary: Mason’s had a rough game, to put it simply. It was never the best idea to get into a fight with someone bigger than you. They won even with him taking a five-minute major for fighting halfway through the third period. The team goes out to celebrate his 23rd birthday post-win and Tyson takes care of getting him home and to sleep safely.

Warnings: None, I believe! Just some drinking mentioned and there’s a drunk character if that makes you uncomfortable. There’s also a slur against lgbt people used.

Words: 1,968

Notes: The title is from The Stigma (Boys Don’t Cry) by As It Is. This is the thing with the LGBT main character that I’ve had a few different people tell me they’d be interested in :) I’m having a lot of fun writing and plotting this so far, so let me know if you enjoy!

There were perks to being smaller than most other people in the league. Being an extremely fast and skilled defenseman was one of them.

Being outmatched in every possible articulation, being compared to a chihuahua yapping at a pitbull, everything like that. Which is how he ended up in the penalty box for five fucking minutes, the asshole in the box next to him chirping him the entire time, it seemed like.

“What are you, a fag?”

That was what Mason heard fly by him, aimed at Jost who wouldn’t get into a fight to draw a penalty. Mason knew for a fact that’s what the guy was trying to do. He still took the bait when Tyson didn’t.

Mason was smaller than nearly every player he knew. Watching him get into a fight was exciting yet painful at the same time for anyone with a brain. The other guy was at least six-foot compared to the five-foot-eight Mason. To say it was outmatched…

Mason was going to be lucky if he didn’t come out of this with some scrapes and bruises. A broken nose was pretty likely as well, once he thought about it.

But hearing that word ignited something in him that overtook the reasoning section of his brain and both of them were dropping gloves. Sure, he’d definitely have a black eye tomorrow, but he’d gotten a few good licks in as well.

They still won the game, which was nice.

“Dude, you gotta at least get into it with guys in your weight class.”

“You’re funny, Landeskog. Whole fucking league is out of my weight class,” Mason huffed as he stripped his padding off of his lean torso.

“Yeah, kinda the point,” Zadorov shrugged. “Not your fault you’re smaller, just the way it is.”

“I get it, I’m short,” he ran a hand through his wavy helmet hair and reached down to unlace his skates. “Z, you can fight for me, then. I’ll run my mouth and you can do all the hitting.”

“With you? Don’t take it, man, Wright can go on and on for hours,” Tyson chirped from across the room. That earned him a glove chucked at his face.

“Fuck y’all. I don’t even have a good comeback.”

“Because it’s true!”

Okay, maybe it was true. Mason was just a talker, it’s how it was.

Tyson gave him endless shit about it, but really he didn’t mind. He actually enjoyed just being able to turn his brain off and absorb whatever stuck from what Mason was going on about. Usually it didn’t even matter--ranting about how a show got robbed of some award that doesn’t even matter, spewing information about whatever book he was reading, going off about whatever asshole did something stupid during his day-- Tyson would just let him go until he ran out of steam. Conversations were nice, too, when he was in just a talkative mood as well.

Mason did know how to shut up, though. Sometimes. (Hint: that’s what made him the favorite out of the Wright/Zadorov best friend duo. He could be quieter than Z. They’ve threatened to separate the two on multiple occasions, though.)

“What’d that guy even do to rile you up? You looked pissed,” Nate broke Mason out of his train of thought.

“Just called someone something stupid. I’m not gonna repeat it.”

“He called me a fag because I wouldn’t take the bait for the penalty,” Tyson said soon after. “He’s just a fucking moron because he got a longer penalty than any of us.”

There was an uncomfortable moment as that sunk in, then a few “what the fuck” or “that’s gross” phrases before people moved on to heading to the showers.

Mason was about to sneak away when Tyson called out his name.

“Hey, I wanted to catch you before you hit the shower. You got a second?”

“Yeah, sure. I just have to do some pt kind of stuff before I shower. What’s up?” he offered with a friendly smile.

“I just wanted to thank you for sticking up for me. You definitely didn’t have to, but calling him on it drew a ton of attention to it. I think it’s really important to start weeding that shit out of the sport, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Mason smiled. “I--thanks, man. That means a lot to me.”

“‘Course,” Tyson gave a nod. “And you know if you were, like… y’know, gay or… anything, really, I wouldn’t care. And neither would anyone else on the team. It’d totally be okay.”

Mason wanted to give him a reassuring “I know” but couldn’t. Hockey was definitely not the environment known for welcoming lgbt kids and turning them into well-adjusted, accepted adults.

“Thanks,” Mason murmured. “Really, that means a lot.”

“Of course,” Tyson breathed, like he was getting a huge weight off his chest. “Um, yeah. I’ll let you go do your physical therapy stuff now. I’ll see you at the bar after everything’s done here?”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna ditch you for my birthday, idiot.”

With an excited smile, Tyson turned and headed in the opposite direction.

Once he reached an area to chill out while waiting for the showers to clear out, Mason sighed, plopping into a chair and resting his head in his hands.

Obviously he knew why Tyson brought up starting to call out homophobia and other bigoted shit they were all used to just overlooking. But why did he bring up the whole ‘we’d accept you no matter what’ thing?

The thought of ‘he was very sensitive to a slur so maybe he’s gay’ never crossed Mason’s mind. That would simply be too easy and rational.

Did Tyson know he was different? What exactly did Tyson know? There was no way Tyson would out him, but still. Trusting people to keep a secret was hard. It was just easier to bottle everything up.

God, he needed to figure this out.

Maybe he’d get drunk enough tonight to just forget for a little while. He didn’t get drunk or even drink all that often, he could let go every now and then.

At the beginning of the night, Gabe took his keys, promising that he’d give them to whoever would be driving Mason home. They all knew for a fact Mason wouldn’t drive drunk, it wasn’t even in the realm of possibilities. Honestly, they were more worried about the newly twenty-three-year-old losing them or putting them somewhere so he’d ‘remember where they are later’, which was proven ineffective at the last gathering Gabe threw.

“If you can’t figure out where the stupid keys are, he can come get them in the morning or I can drop them off to him or something,” Gabe rolled his eyes.

“You’re sure you don’t remember where you put them?” JT triple-checked. He’d been the designated driver for a few of them, including Mason, Tyson, and a couple others who had already gotten out to the car.

Mason shook his head. “I’m not even that drunk,” he insisted.

“Uh-huh. Gabe, just let me know if you find ‘em and we can work something out for him in the morning.”

Twenty minutes later, Gabe sent a picture and “anyone know who these belong to?” in the group chat. It was, without a doubt, Mason’s keys, adorned with a keychain reading “DETROIT” in graffiti lettering. He was from Detroit, and everyone knew that he refused to take that keychain off until it literally fell off for some sentimental reason, most likely.

‘Lol where’d you find it?’ someone texted back.

‘My dishwasher. His wallet was there too’

Mason has still never heard the end of that. No matter how hard he tried to explain that when he put them somewhere, it meant that he wouldn’t lose them or buy something stupid online (last time that happened, he bought a thing to hang on a window so your cat could sit on it and sunbathe. Mason has not owned a cat at any point in his life.) and he’d remember where it was once he sobered up.

Of course he still gets relentless shit for it. He wouldn’t expect any different.

Currently, Mason and Z were arm wrestling over a table in the back of the bar, people beginning to call it quits and going home. And with his pride hurt that he could not beat Z in an arm wrestling match, Tyson stole the other’s keys and wallet from Gabe, saying goodbyes and forcing Mason to as well.

“You are blasted, man.”

“Mmph,” he shrugged and laid his head against the passenger window. “I wanna lay down and sleep.”

“You can when I get you home. Gimmie your seatbelt so I can buckle you in.”

Mason followed the order with a small pout, not drunk enough to the point of incoherence but… definitely a little fucked up. Tyson had done this before: dealing with the mopey friend at the end of the night. Mason was definitely one to get mopey or clingy once they left the main event.

“My face hurts.”

“That checks out, buddy. I’ll get you some ice for it back at your place. What?” Tyson continued to ask when Mason stared out the windshield all angsty.

“Still can’t believe I couldn’t beat Z.”

“That guy could slam most of us through a table, don’t beat yourself up.”

“Can’t. Someone already did.”

“You’re full of jokes, huh?”

Mason just grinned sleepily as they pulled into the apartment complex and Tyson had an arm wrapped around his friend to keep him steady. Getting a drunk person to go to bed was usually one of the hardest parts of the night.

“Would you just--”

“I got it,” Mason huffed, fumbling with his keys near the lock of the door.

“Dude.”

“Shut up, you’re gonna wake up my neighbors,” he grumbled, finally getting the door open with a triumphant “see? I’m an adult.”

“I see. Go be an adult and get ready to go to bed,” Tyson rolled his eyes, taking the keys out of the door and locking it behind them.

“I don’t wanna sleep,” he replied quickly.

“You’re drunk, what do you mean you don’t want to sleep?”

“Not tired,” he flopped down on the couch.

“At least get out of your clothes. That way if you fall asleep it’s in pajamas.”

Mason was sprawled out, already clicking through Netflix.

“Fine, I will go get you pajamas. Here,” Tyson pressed a cold compress to a bruise on his face and headed to the bedroom.

“Thanks for driving me,” he heard from the other room.

“‘Course,” Tyson called back. “Here, put these on,” he tossed the clothes at Mason.

“Are you staying here? You can take the guest room, if you want.”

“Sure. Probably easier than trying to get home this late,” Tyson shrugged and headed for the kitchen. As he heard the rustling around of what he assumed was his friend changing, Tyson got a glass of water and painkillers for when Mason woke up.

“I can drive you home tomorrow,” Mason slurred even more heavily as he began getting more tired. He’d managed to get his jeans off and a pair of shorts on before moving onto the shirt. He’d just pulled his shirt off when Tyson walked back in the room with the water.

“Woah,” he said quietly, stopping quickly.

For whatever reason, he’d never realized that he had never seen his teammate and friend shirtless. That was weird, especially when you played sports together for a living. He assumed it was due to the faded scars along his chest, almost in a u-shape under each pec.

He didn’t even know what kind of injury would cause that kind of surgery.

“When did you get surgery?”

Fuck was all that ran through Mason’s head.

[star-spangled-steve]

His New Partner

Chapter 31: The Nine Long Months

Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 2877

Warnings: Pregnancy, child birth, some angst, some fluff, cussing.

A/N: I feel like this kind of sucks, and I’m so sorry! I’ve been having a bit of writer’s block recently, but I hope that it’s not too bad for you guys. Also, the italicized words are flashbacks.

“Seriously?” Y/N groaned, dramatically throwing her head back onto the pillow behind her. “No food? No water?”

“Come on, N/N. It’s not too bad.” Tony failed to hide his grin. “You still have these delicious ice chips.” He shook around the tiny styrofoam cup that was filled to the brim, watching as the girl got more and more annoyed.

She rolled her eyes. “Mmm, delicious.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. But it’s for serious reasons, and I know you that know that.” Dr. Madeline Bennett, one of the top OB-GYNs in America, spoke with an apologetic smile. “These next several hours are not going to be easy, but you’ve been preparing for this for the past nine months. As long as you cooperate, you’re going to do great, sweetie. ‘Kay?”

Y/N nodded her head, sheepishly placing her hands on her extremely large belly. “Okay. Thanks, Doc.” She watched as the other woman walked out of the room, letting out a heavy sigh once she knew that she was completely gone.

“Y’okay, kid?” Tony asked her, seeing the nervous look that was painted his friend’s face.

She dismissively shook her head in response, trying to break herself out of the nervous trance that had currently taken over her mind. “I’m fine.” The girl rubbed her hands up and down her midsection, wishing that it could be filled with something other than a baby. “Just hungry, that’s all.”

“Ewww!” Y/N groaned after taking a bite of the pancakes that Pepper had just made her. She made grabby hands towards the paper towel roll, a sour look completely taken over her face. “‘Gimme, ‘gimme.” Her articulation was horrible due to the massive clump of barely chewed food that was just sitting in her mouth.

Pepper frowned as she handed her friend a rectangle of the paper towel, watching as the younger girl spit the mushy piece of pancake right into it. “What’s wrong with them?”

Y/N took a long drink of her water, gurgling to get the taste completely out of her mouth. “You didn’t tell me you put banana in there!”

The strawberry blonde furrowed her eyebrows. “I didn’t think I had to. You love my banana chocolate chip pancakes.” She placed her hands on her hips, remembering something that happened way back. “Actually, you were the one who suggested putting the bananas in-in the first place! You said it would be a healthier option!”

The three months pregnant woman shoved her plate away from her. “Ya, well, I don’t like bananas anymore!”

“It’s true.” Tony agreed nonchalantly as he walked into the kitchen, taking a large bite of his apple. He walked up to Pepper, who he had recently got back together with after their brief ‘break’, placing a chaste kiss on her cheek after swallowing.

“They make her sick now.” Vision added from his seat at the kitchen table.

Rhodes nodded from right next to him. “Ya, she can’t even smell them.”

Pepper sighed, grabbing the basically full plate and beginning to dig in herself. “Well, if anyone has a manual to pregnant Y/N, that’d be greatly appreciated.”

“I’ll have F.R.I.D.A.Y. send it over.” Tony replied, and no one could tell whether or not he was actually joking.

The girl in discussion just gave a small shrug Pepper’s way, taking another sip of her water. She then placed the glass down with a frown, noticing how nobody was moving to get her anything different. “So… do I just not get breakfast now?”

“Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!” Y/N wailed. “Oh, god. Shit!” Her hands were clenched in fists, and her head was back and aimed towards the sky, silently asking whatever God or Gods were up there to help her out. As the large contraction finally began to calm down, the girl took a deep breath in hopes to relax herself. “Those things hurt like a bitch.”

“The little one’s just eager, that’s all.” Tony spoke from his chair right next to her bed.

Y/N quietly chuckled. “Never stops moving; just like-” She stopped herself from finishing her sentence, knowing that it would hurt too much to say the name of the man who broke her heart. “Never mind.”

Tony gave her a sympathetic nod. “I know, sweet pea.” He placed a hand on her forearm and gave her a comforting squeeze, not wanting her to be under anymore stress than she already was. “You and your little boy are fighters.”

“You ready for the big reveal?” Dr. Bennett asked with a smile as she walked into the small Avengers Compound office that had been set up for her appointments with Y/N.

The girl, who had wanted to keep this whole ordeal out of the press, had insisted on not going out for doctor’s visits.

“A bit nervous, if I’m being honest.” She responded.

“Why?” The older woman questioned. “You want a certain gender over the other?”

Y/N shook her head. “Nope, just... I don’t even know. I guess I’m always nervous for these things.”

“Well, there’s no need.” The doctor spoke while grabbing the jelly to rub on her midsection. “This is just going to be a little cold; you know from the last time.”

The five months pregnant woman winced as soon as the substance touched her belly, making Dr. Bennett chuckle.

After several seconds of scanning Y/N’s belly to get a good view, the doctor had finally figured out which sex it was. She turned to her patient with a smile. “You for sure want to know, right?”

“Yup.” Y/N responded shakily. “Tell me.”

“You’re having a boy!”

The girl let out the breath that she didn’t know she was holding, grateful to have at least one mystery now solved. “Oh my goodness, I’m so excited. How is it that you know?”

Dr. Bennett pointed to the screen. “Well, you see this little protruding thingy right here?”

“Hey, sweetie.” Pepper greeted as she walked inside of the small room, Rhodes trailing directly behind her. “How you doing?”

Y/N sighed. “Not too bad. Pretty uncomfortable, though.” She rubbed her hands up and down her large stomach, noticing that Rhodes was carrying a paper shopping bag. “What’s in there?”

“We, uh, went out and bought you a little something.” The man answered with a grin, before pulling a small brown teddy bear out of the bag. He watched as Y/N’s eyes lit up, her hands going over her mouth in awe.

“You guys!” She beamed as they placed the plush toy in her waiting hands, hugging it tight to her chest. “Thank you so much. You know how much I love stuffed animals.”

“Uhm… ya, N/N… it’s actually for the baby.” Rhodes said with a sheepish look.

Y/N’s face instantly dropped. “Oh, um… sorry. I didn’t know that.”

The man began to laugh at her reaction, realizing that his little joke probably wasn’t very funny to her right now. “No, no, I’m just messing with ‘ya! It’s for you, honey.”

The girl let out a heavy breath and shook her head at his antics.

“Ya,” Pepper added, “the baby couldn’t even play with that anyways. The plastic eyeballs are a choking hazard.”

Y/N’s eyebrows drew together. “They are? Well damn, I didn’t know that either.” Her bottom lip began to quiver, almost comically, as she squeezed the teddy bear tighter to her body. “I could’ve ch-choked my baby. I-I’m ’gonna be such a terrible mother!”

“Oh, boy.” Tony frowned, walking towards her to stroke her hair. “No you’re not, sweetheart.”

“N/N,” the other woman spoke kindly, “you’re going to be an amazing mother, and you are amazing with these kinds of things. I’ve seen it.”

“Oh goodness, all this stuff is so cute!” Y/N smiled while she and Pepper sat on the couch, scrolling through countless baby websites together. They had originally planned on going to the stores in person, but opted out because Y/N didn’t want to be seen pregnant in public. Who knew what the paparazzi would do if they caught sight of it?

“I know right.” Pepper agreed before flipping her laptop towards the other girl, pointing at two small blue objects on her screen. “Look at these little booties!”

“Aww!” Y/N giggled. “Those are so adorable.” She turned back towards her own computer, continuing to scroll through. “There’s a huge onesie selection on this one site. Like, they are all so nice, and they look like they’re good qual-”

Pepper looked towards her friend, wondering why she stopped mid-sentence, only to see a heavy frown painted on her face. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” When Y/N wouldn’t answer, Pepper decided to peer over her shoulder, slightly gasping at the sight in front of her. 

Right in the middle of Y/N’s laptop screen was a navy blue onesie, a big Captain America shield placed right on the front of it.

“Oh, honey-”

“It’s fine.” The seven months pregnant woman interrupted, discreetly wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. “Let’s just keep shopping. We’re not nearly done.” She technically was correct, as for obvious reasons they hadn’t done a baby shower. There was still a ton of things to purchase. “What about a breast pump?” She sniffled. “I need one of those, right?”

“When is this going to be over?” Y/N groaned, dramatically running her hands down her face. Or, at least any man would’ve said that she was being dramatic. Any woman would completely understand the pain that she was going through. “I’m sick and tired of this!” She glared down towards her protruding belly, pointing a stern finger at it. “I swear, when you get out here young man, you are in very big trouble!” She instantly felt a sharp pain come from her womb and gasped in response. “Wha-? Little guy just kicked me!” 

Rhodes tried to hide his chuckle with a fake cough. “I guess it’s payback for you yelling at him.”

“Ya.” Tony nodded along. “He clearly knows his mom’s voice by now. That’s a good thing.”

The girl shrugged. “I guess.” She began thinking back to all the long nights that she spent just speaking to him and him alone. “Still doesn’t make my cervix hurt any less, though.”

“Buddy,” Y/N sighed as she laid on her bed, rubbing her nine months pregnant belly, “you’ve ‘gotta calm down. It’s getting late, I want to sleep.”

She got a kick in response, much like the ones that she’d been getting for the past hour or so.

“Oh, I see how it is.” She lightly chuckled. “So stubborn, eh? Hmm… how can I get you to go to bed?” She racked her brain for any ideas that would work, before finally stumbling upon one. “How about I sing you a lullaby? Okay? ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’?”

An additional kick to the womb alerted her that he was probably okay with that.

The girl cleared her throat before beginning, ready to sing her little boy a song that she’d most likely be singing to him for the next several years.

“Come on, Y/N.” Dr. Bennett urged in a calm and collected tone from between her patient’s legs. “One more push, that’s all.”

“That’s all, N/N.” Tony repeated from his friend’s side, her hand squeezing the living daylights out of his own. “One more and he’s here.”

She gave them a strained nod before beginning that final push, her screams so loud that they could’ve probably been heard throughout the whole Compound.

Though, they were interrupted by a sudden high-pitched cry; one not of an adult, but of a newborn baby.

“I-Is that-?”

“Yes.” The doctor interrupted Y/N with a grin, slightly holding up the boy to show her what he looked like. “He’s here.”

A huge smile took over the girl’s face as she laid back on her bed, her muscles finally relaxing after many tedious hours.

Dr. Bennett cut the umbilical cord herself, knowing better than to ask Tony because he wasn’t the father, and wrapped the baby up before bringing him over to Y/N’s waiting arms.

“Hi, baby boy.” The mother cooed as she brought him close to her chest, taking in just how beautiful he was. “You’re finally here.” Tears began to mix with the sweat that was already coating her face, and she sniffled.

“He’s gorgeous.” Tony spoke from beside her, making her glance up to smile at him.

“Isn’t he?”

Y/N looked back down at her newborn son and began to lightly bounce him in her arms, causing the boy gurgle in response. “He’s so precious.”

“Do we have a name yet?” Dr. Bennett questioned the girl.

She nodded her head before making eye contact with Tony, getting ready to drop a huge metaphorical bomb on him. “The first name is Anthony, and the middle name is James.”

Stark’s heart felt like it stopped beating for a second. “W-What? You can’t be serious.”

Y/N nodded. “Well, I am.” She turned back towards the doctor, a big smile on her face. “That’s the name.”

“N/N-”

“Tony, I want this.” She interrupted him firmly. “You and Rhodey have been with me every step of the way through this pregnancy. This is my way of saying thank you, and that I love you guys.”

The man nodded, feeling tears spark into his eyes at her words. He definitely didn’t feel deserving, but if that’s what she wanted, he wasn’t going to argue.

“Is there a last name that you want me to put?” The doctor spoke again. “You can decide later if you want, that’s totally fine.“

“Rogers.” Y/N stated, her tone leaving no room for discussion. She knew that she was about to get heckled for it, but had already made up her mind many months prior.

“Are you sure about that, N/N?”

“Yes, Tony.” She gulped, stroking her son’s soft face. “I am.”

“So, I’ve been wondering…” Steve spoke as Y/N sat on his lap with her back faced towards him, the television in front of them playing a movie that neither one of them were actually watching.

“So, you’ve been wondering…?” The girl repeated playfully, turning around in his lap to face him.

The man took her left hand in his right one and began to toy with the large diamond ring on her finger. “We’ve been engaged for a few months now, and you still haven’t told me what your last name is going to be.”

“What do you mean?” Y/N asked, tilting her head to the side in the way that Steve found so adorable.

“Like, you know, are you taking mine? Are you keeping yours? Are you hyphenating?” He listed off, very curious of what her answer was going to be. “I know that there’s a lot of new ways of doing things these days, and I know that with your fame you might want to keep your own. Whatever you do choose, though, it’s fine by me.“

The Captain’s words were followed with a loving kiss from his fiancée, which he immediately melted right into. His large hands firmly gripped Y/N’s hips as he groaned lowly into her mouth.

“Was that supposed to give me some sort of an answer?” He asked after their lips parted.

Y/N gave him a sweet smile. “I want to take yours.”

“Really?” Steve questioned.

“Yes.” She nodded, hands resting at the nape of his neck and massaging gently. “I want to be a Rogers. I always have.”

“And you’re absolutely sure about this, doll? Because from what I’ve read, most celebrities hyphenate or just keep their own.”

“I’m not them, though.” The girl stated. “Stevie, I’ve been scribbling ‘Y/N Rogers’ in my notebook since the night of our first date. I’m very sure about this.”

The mother and son sat in silence, her lightly stroking his little face with the pads of her fingers. She watched as he repeatedly opened and closed his eyes, crystal blue irises that were very much like his father’s melting her heart already.

Her family was currently on their flight in, ready to meet their newest member, and her friends from work we’re going to drive up right away. Y/N had politely asked Tony, Pepper, Rhodes, and Vision to step out of the room, as she had wanted a moment alone with her baby before all of the commotion. And for the first time in a very long time, Y/N had gotten the chance to just breathe.

She had been so worried, so incredibly nervous for the past nine months that she had almost forgot to actually enjoy the experience. So scared of her and her baby being alone, that she really forgot to cherish his company. But now, holding her precious little creation in her arms so lovingly, Y/N knew that she and her son were going to be okay.

“Ya, sweetheart.” She spoke softly to him, rocking him in her arms. “We’re going to just fine.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead and let it linger, basking in the presence of the person who was now most important to her. “Just fine.”

Baby Anthony James Rogers murmured a couple incoherent sounds in response. He had not a single clue that he was missing out on meeting his father, the man who should’ve been sharing this very exact moment with them.

Next Chapter

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[pocket-void]

Hi Mock! I was just wondering if you had any drawing/art tips you could share? Have a great evening!!!

Hey Anon!! (It feels like I’m energetically waving every time I greet someone like that hahaha.)

I’d love to try and share art tips if you’d ever want to ask about something specific! Just keep in mind that they’re all my personal experiences and methods and they’re by no means the only way to do anything! ^///^  I have never and don’t ever intend to take proper art classes because art to me is just a hobby! 

I’ll talk about art in general for a bit, but if you want to know how I specifically choose to do something feel free to send another ask. :0 (Because what’s below this is just ridiculous rambling that probably isn’t helpful because I am way too passionate about things but am not the best at articulating stuff)

Aside from uh, take breaks and not overwork your hand (Like me, w h o o p s), the most most important thing I can ever say is to enjoy what you do! I know that sounds obvious, but it’s something that means the absolute world to me. I grew up doodling stick figure comics until I was 14, and didn’t really take art seriously until high school. And I loved and still love, every bit of everything I have ever done. (I still have TONS of old art in folders, and they warm my heart immensely. ;///;) Are they bad? Are they mildly cringey? Maybe, probably, but also no! Because they remind me about how far I’ve come today, and that growth to me is what makes everything worth it. No matter how small!

It’s important to know that there’s no right way to do art. Objectively there are basics and fundamentals sure, but art is always what you make of it! That’s the fun of it, making it your own! How does one get better at it though? My personal answer was patience and experimentation. From stick figures I moved on to people with actual facial features and actual limbs, from way too skinny humans I moved on to cartoonishly large heads and proportions, from cartoonish people I moved to badly done but more anatomical people, and so on and so forth. Move out of comfort zones! Try new things! It’s never easy, but you learn the most from making mistakes. Draw something, figure out what you can do better, and try again! Don’t burn yourself out tho, it’s ok to be proud of things that aren’t perfect! Because you should be proud that you drew anything at all! Being able to create something? That by itself is amazing!!

Still being able to improve does not detract from what you are able to do now, remember that!! (Because everyone always has room to grow!)

See what other people do! Watch videos, look at other people’s art, maybe try a few things from their styles just to see if it’s something you’re comfortable with. A lot of times I saw something I liked and went “Wow! I wish I could do that.” and set off to try. Were some things so immensely out of reach that it was discouraging? Yes. Definitely. I know that too well. I’ve had really hard times with art before, so bad that I actually stopped for two whole years. I intend to never do that again.

It’s ok if something doesn’t look good now. It’s ok if something isn’t really all that great now. It’s ok if you aren’t happy with what you did today, tomorrow, or next week, because it doesn’t mean you never will. What I can’t do today just means the potential to get better some other day, and I use that to push myself forward. After all, if I stop now, I won’t ever get better at all!

Some days it doesn’t matter if you aren’t getting better. Some days you just want to draw. Some days you don’t! And that’s ok too. Because art at the end of the day isn’t about getting better, it’s about what you enjoy. And my love for art is greater than anything that could ever discourage me from doing so. (Note that this is just my personal philosophy)

I would rather be terrible at art but still happy with what I do, rather than be great at art and feel awful about it. I will choose that every. single. time. given the choice. I draw art for myself first and foremost. While each like, reblog, and comment make me weep with pure joy and are one of most encouraging things for me to keep going, not getting any would not personally discourage me from still doing art. Because I let that happen once, and it was not worth my love for my craft.

I remember back when I drew stick figures and was always content with my work. That thought carries me to where I am today. If I can be proud then, I can be proud now. Past me would be so proud of me today, and I will respect that.

Loving art and loving doing art are the most important things to me. As long as I still have that in mind, I won’t stop drawing, and in turn I won’t stop getting better. u///u