#there’s a lot going on and these developments have been a long time coming but

[t-a-a-1]

The Darkest Hour

Ch.4: Guardian

Summary: After being labeled as crazy for trying to report that robot aliens exist on national television, you lose your job and move to Jasper City. In a drastic turn of fate, you meet Optimus Prime. You and Team Prime get together to find ancient relics that are vital to the Autobot's cause.

Along the way, you and Optimus start to develop feelings that go beyond comradeship.

But what happens when he discovers you've been lying all of this time?

For a better reading experience you can read this story on Ao3:

>>>

https://archiveofourown.org/works/60642838/chapters/157365316

Ch.4: Guardians

     It was rather quiet at the base. Ratchet sometimes would look at the hangar's elevated floor. He thought he would see you there. He didn't find you as annoying as other humans. You were rather curious. Asking about all things Cybertronian. It was like talking to a child sometimes but he didn't mind explaining especially when you had questions about Cybertronian biology.

    He didn't want to admit it but he-

Beep. Beep.

"Oh? I got a video from (Y/n)!"

    Ratchet hears Jack exclaim from the sofa and this immediately gets his attention.

"I don't have enough time. I have been abducted by Decepticons. I'll lead them to the relic located in Fingal's Cave, Northern Ireland two days from now. Retrieve my cell phone from my house. I am sorry."

.

.

.

    You didn't have time.

You rapidly click 'sent' before breaking your laptop in half. You know they were coming for you and as soon as you heard the doors open, you quickly grabbed one cigarette.

    Two Decepticons dragged you across the Nemesis. You couldn't walk a lot, probably due to a broken bone or something else.

    It took about three minutes to reach another door. Everything looked the same except for a few purple colors and other doors that had guards.

    One of the doors opened and the two Decepticons pushed you inside, making fall to the floor.

"What is our status with the machine?"

"We still need to make modifications. The human mind is different from that of a Cybertronian," Knockout tried his best to figure out a way to make his machinery work. "Getting into her memories will be difficult without the proper materials."

"Then I trust that you will be making progress soon, Knockout."

    The lights in the room blinded you.  Not because they were too bright but due that you were deprived of light for two days.

    Two Decepticons carried you by the arms, you were too weak to walk, your stomach hurts, your head too and your energy was low.

"Prisoner was seen scavenging on the vault."

"I was looking for food!" you muster all the strength you had to defend yourself. "I've been here for two days and haven't eaten a thing."

"Wasn't the Energon cup I left on your cell enough?"

    The Decepticon was an automobile that you found a bit strange but you didn't have the right mind to question it. Things were just the way they were.

"Humans don't eat Energon, I'll die! Shouldn't you be smart enough to know that?"

    A taller figure walks in front of you. His steps made the entire floor move but you had gotten used to the feeling of it. He studies you, walks around you and his optics pierce through your soul.

"The fact that you are still standing after yesterday's event is admirable. I wouldn't expect anything less from Optimus' pet."

    You didn't like the sound of that but you were too tired to fight it. Your body is in pain from all the bruises and maybe a few other injuries. They had beat you up after you refused to speak. It wasn't for a long time, Megatron seemed to know that you would be a difficult one.

"What were you looking for in the vault?"

    Megatron asks and you don't say a word. You look away.

"I won't ask again," he gets closer to your face. So close that you could see his optics and the mechanics behind it. There wasn't a single thing that didn't move as small as it seemed. Everything had a function and it fascinated you. "What were you looking for in the vault? Was it your bag? Anything of importance in there?"

    You took a few seconds to respond and you raised a hand. You slowly opened it, putting one cigarette in front of his face.

"What is this ... artifact?"

    Megatron takes the cigarette in his hand, inspecting it.

"I was looking for my bag ... because I wanted that. It makes me less hungry."

    The Decepticon leader drops the cigarette on the floor and steps on it. Crushing your hopes.

"Pain may not be enough to make you speak," Megatron keeps looking at you and as much as you would like to keep the eye-staring contest, you struggle to keep your eyes open.

"But let's wait and see how you react after hunger takes over you."

"I won't talk."

    It hurts to even do so.

"Oh, but all of this would be so much easier if you did," he turns around and walks towards a berth. One that is not completely functional. At least it doesn't work with humans. Yet. "Regardless, we'll get what we want. Talk or do not talk, the choice is yours."

...

    It has been a couple of days since you had left the base. It has been quiet around here without you. The kids can be a bit nosey but nothing the Autobots couldn't handle.

    Optimus wonders what you would do if you were here. Would you be on your laptop? Maybe have a conversation with him? If you wanted, he could talk to you for hours, giving you information about Cybertronian culture. In exchange, he could ask you about human traditions. After the talk you two had about the human process of creating life, he was particularly curious about the human body.

    He had just come back from patrol duty with Bumblebee when he heard a lot of talking between his Autobot friends.

"Optimus!"

    Ratchet's preoccupied voice was something he wasn't fond of. It could mean two things. One, someone had messed up with one of his experiments. Two, bad news.

"(Y/N) has been captured by the Decepticons!"

Or three. Horrible news.

....

Bombs. Guns. Granades.

Screams. Fire. Blood. Pain. 

    When you were told that you were going to report on the war in a faraway land, you were excited. This was going to be your big step. The thing that will mark your career forever.

And it did mark you. Forever. But in ways you thought unimaginable.

It wasn't until you saw men, women and children being killed that you truly realized how stupid the world really is. It's a war and no one ever wins. So why? Why?

"Will I ever stop ... being so useless?"

    Another day of not eating.

You didn't know when you were going to start to hallucinate. Maybe you already were. You wished you could smell the outside air. You had not realized how different the air is when the majority of living creatures occupying the area are alien robots. It's a different type of smell. Clean and sanitized, kinda like the smell of a hospital but with a more metal element to it.

    The doors from your prison cell open. You are thankful because you hated the dark. Not really a phobia but many thoughts cross your mind when there is no light around you.

    Megatron slowly makes his way towards you.

He is not that intimidating. Are you afraid? Yes, of course. But if you had to compare, Optimus had a more menacing frame. Although Megatron's eyes could frighten anyone, the way he moves and presents himself does not imply any harm. You won't underestimate him. Not a bit.

"I won't say a word."   

    You say as you look at him. You sat in a corner, nothing was tying you down. Not like it matters, it's not like you could do much against giant robots.

"I did not come here for that," his voice is way less intimidating. In different circumstances, Optimus could very well have been the villain. "I have come for a small conversation."

"If you think you can manipulate me into talking-"

"I would rather like to call it ... convincing you with words."

    You knew this was going to be an interesting conversation.

"Words are powerful."

    You say as he stands in front of you. You don't stand up, having a nice view of his posture. You can tell so much by the way someone moves.

"Agreed."

    You wait for a few seconds, keeping eye contact. The room didn't look so dark now as Megatron had this purple aura that surrounded him.

    You didn't know what he wanted but you were waiting for him to speak. But he was also studying you, trying to find the best way to talk to you.

"Eons ago, I was a young gladiator trying to survive."

    Out of everything, you didn't imagine Megatron to be a storyteller. Oh, but how much you loved a good tale. Especially the ones about myths and legends of great warriors doing the impossible. Even if it's a story about a bot becoming a destroyer of worlds.

"Every day, as I exited the pit after killing comrades, I would watch the upper classes cheer for me."

    He seems to remember the cheers, the chanting crowds. But his optics had changed, for a second, he was lost. Going back to those moments. There is some fear in them and you didn't know if he was being honest or it's another manipulation tactic.

"But what was there to cheer for? I had massacred Cybertronians. Someone like me and them."

    You didn't doubt his words. At least there is some truth to them, you could tell as much.

"I would kill as I watched them eat the best kind of Energon. Drink the rarest of oils and wear the highest of tech accessories."

    Megatron gets closer to you but he never kneels. He still believes he is above you. It's comical. Telling you stories about the inequality he suffered when there will never be a time he will see you as equal.

"Do you know what that feels like? Being tortured if you failed? Your spinal cord breaking and have no spare parts to repair it? While I see others throw parts into the pit, like their lives meant nothing."

    Rage. He is filled with it. Finally, an emotion you could sympathize with or at least recognize. You didn't break eye contact nor were afraid. If he wanted to kill you, he had done so a very long time ago. You are more curious and in awe at the being in front of you.

    His metal was damaged and scratched, his tall figure and spiky demeanor. He appears to be fierce, he had to be, otherwise he wouldn't be here. But you can't help and wonder if he had been allowed a different life, would he be different?

"I don't fight for freedom," Megatron says. "I fight for my survival."

    You sigh heavily and your eyes show nothing but exhaustion. You muster the strength to speak. You can't give him anything but your sympathy.

"... You must be so tired."

    You must be hallucinating because for a moment you could have sworn you saw something else in those red eyes.

    Megatron turns around, no longer allowing you to see his face.

"Optimus was just like those Cybertronians I hated and he continues to be one. The system I fight to break, he continues to fight to repair it."

He steals a glance your way and he notices your concern.

"He was part of the crowd. Enjoying every match, every death. Laughing as it happened. How did you think we met?"

    He walks back towards you but you notice his steps have become slower. The floor didn't tremble as much as if he was being careful without knowing.

"Oh? Didn't he tell you?"

    You part your sight away from his. After a heavy sigh, you take up the courage to look at him again.

"We've been looking for ancient Cybertronian relics," you don't have another option. You had to sacrifice a little bit of truth to survive. "We don't know their function yet but we believe that they might be parts of something bigger."

"And do you know the location of these relics?"

"Just of one, the rest of the information is on my cellphone."

    He seems to be interested now or rather atypical about your wording. He probably doesn't know certain terminology.

"And where is this cellphone you speak of?"

    You muster a smile. You know Megatron can be a great negotiator, but so are you.

"If you want to know, I'll have my bag. With my cigarettes."

....

Fingal's Cave, Northern Ireland.

    The night is dark and full of mysteries. Especially in dark caves where the waves of the sea clash against the rocks. It would have been a perfect vacation, had you not been kidnapped by evil alien robots. This might be nothing for them, maybe just a nice bubble bath. But to you? It's a certain death. You don't even know how to swim.

    You stand next to Megatron. Behind you, there are a few warrior Decepticons. It was cold and humid and your intrusive thoughts made you want to jump into the crazed waves.

"The relic should be right there," you point to one of the walls and Megatron quickly looks at his army. It took only one look for them to know what they were supposed to do. Excavate.

You waited for a few seconds and noticed how fast they were putting away rocks and dust. Soon they will reach the relic and once they have what they want they will take you back to the Nemesis.

    Suddenly, a green moving circle appears on the other side of the cave. You are a bit relieved. For a moment you genuinely thought they wouldn't appear.

    It's the first time you see a ground bridge. It's beautiful and even more the aliens coming out from it. Tall, big, strong. Everything you weren't and for a moment you feel guilty. They shouldn't be here. They shouldn't be worrying about an insignificant life such as yours.

"Took you all long enough."

    Optimus stands in front of his team. A battle mask covers half of his face, he looks fierce. You had never seen him like this before. He was intimidating and you were a bit scared of what he could do.

"Let (y/n) go, Megatron."

"Did you bring her cell phone?"

    A shiver runs down your spine. You look up at him and he looks at you. Your eyes and his optics meet for a second. Unable to control your confusion, your voice betrayed you. With Megatron, showing emotion is a fatal mistake.

"What? How do you-"

"Nothing happens in the Nemesis without me knowing. Or do you think I was careless enough to leave your cell-door open?" his voice resonates within the containment of the cave. Not even the waves crashing could subside his voice. "I wanted you to contact them so they could do all the work for me."

"I am sure you must have led them to other relics. If they want you, they must turn them in as well."

    You began to panic, your plan was crumbling. It was your fault for believing you could outsmart a million-years living creature.

"It's not true! They don't have them, I never-"

"We have one."

    If looks could kill, your eyes would have killed Optimus. In fact, the Autobots have two relics. Optimus is lying and although a part of you is glad to know he could lie, right now you wish he had stayed quiet.

"Then you know what you must do."

    Megatron suddenly picks you up, putting you a few meters above the water level.

    You didn't know what to say. There was no guarantee that after receiving the relic, Megatron would let you go safely. Most importantly, you didn't understand. Why would the Autobots risk losing a valuable item over a human? There were many of you and only a few of those artifacts.

    Optimus doesn't hesitate and uses his comm-link. Speaking clearly, he calls Ratchet, ordering him to bring one relic through the ground bridge.

    Meanwhile, you see the Decepticons work on obtaining the other relic. They must be close as their excavation has become slower, maybe due that they do not want to damage the relic.

    You try to find a way to break free but Megatron's grasp is too strong.  Your body has started giving up, you haven't eaten in four days and your mouth tastes like cigarettes.

    After a few tense minutes, Ratchet comes from the groundbridge, holding the white pot that contained the relic. You instinctively move your head from side to side. You didn't want to be the reason they lost it.

"Starscream, retrieve the relic and the cell phone."

    You didn't notice the Commander before. Your senses must be failing you by now. He passes by Megatron and you know that if he could, he would push the leader of the Decepticons into the water.

"My pleasure, my liege."

    And as he passes by, you can see Ratchet's disappointed face. All of their faces, as a matter of fact. You hated being useless and being used. You thought that staying quiet was the best option. But after seeing Optimus hand down your cell phone to Starscream and his cocky smile, you couldn't have it.

"Just go!" you scream, hoping that your voice is loud enough. "I'll figure it out! You don't have to do this!"

    But it's like they weren't paying attention. Like your opinion didn't matter at all. Like you were a liability that had to be taken care of, not listened to.

    Ratchet hesitantly gives the white ceramic pot to Starscream who aggressively takes it in his claws. He happily walks back to his Master as if he had finished completing the hardest of missions.

"You have what you wanted. Now let her go!"

    Optimus threatens Megatron but it only amuses him. He looks at you, taking a few seconds to appreciate your face one last time.

"Lord Megatron, we have retrieved this place's relic."

    Starscream says as the army of Decepticons had successfully extracted the artifact and that's everything Megatron needed to hear.

"A deal it's a deal," Megatron crossed optics with Optimus.  "But this is for lying."

    He opens his claws, letting you go and dropping you into the wild waves.

    Megatron watches as Optimus jumps to save you. A selfless act, very much like him. What he was doing for you, he would do for anyone else. But there was something about it. Something that Megatron knew would catch Optimu's attention. Whatever it was, he would figure it out eventually. For now, he will let Prime have you. To let him enjoy his human pet as much as he can. Before taking you away.

"Next time, bring me all the relics you have, Prime. Or she will pay the price."

    Bulkhead, Arcee and Bumblebee didn't even hesitate to go after him. They focused on helping Optimus and it was too late regardless. Megatron was already one step inside the groundbrige, ready to go back to the Nemesis.

"How did you know they had more relics?" Starscream walks behind Megatron, curious about his actions.

"I didn't," he says. "It's all a bet. Besides ..."

    Megatron stops walking and quickly glances back. Getting a glimpse of Optimus coming out of the water, holding your fragile body.

"She's not half bad."

....

    The first thing that crossed your mind after waking up was ... work.

Fowler told you to not worry about it and that things had been taken care of.

    You didn't want to ask any further.

Especially after learning that you could no longer go back to your home.

    It took you a couple of days to recover.

Falling into the wild waters of Fingal's Cave had done more injuries than the ones the Decepticons inflicted on you. Your body crashed a few times into rocks before Optimus rescued you.

     But the pain in your body did not compare to the disappointment you feel.

    You couldn't even look at the Autobots without feeling ashamed.

Now you can't even go home now.

"I apologize as for you now have to remain here. But it must be in your best interest to stay since the Decepticons know of your home location."

    You didn't hear Optimus come through the rooftop door. Even with his massive steps and weight. Maybe you had gotten used to the sound of walking bots too fast.

"You may not be too fond of sharing a home but I promise you we are not too loud."

    The top of the hangar gave you the best view of the Nevada desert. With sad rocks and a few cacti... alright maybe it wasn't that visually appealing.

    But the night sky made up for it.

"I don't do good with people ... and bots," you pull out a cigarette from your jacket's pocket and light it up. Hearing Optimus coming closer and sitting down on the cliff with you.

    You immediately move away for a few centimeters, feeling uncomfortable at the closeness. You didn't notice your body had acted this way but Optimus did.

"I can sense some hostility emitting from you."

    Optimus optics lay on you but you wouldn't spare him a look.

"Optimus was just like those Cybertronians I hated and he continues to be one. The system I fight to break, he continues to fight to repair it."

    You didn't know if you should bring up the matter or just keep it to yourself. But after the events at the Nemesis, you find yourself unable to look at Optimus the same. Not like it matters much, but deep down, a part of you wanted to trust him ... to believe in him.

"If there are any concerns-"

"Megatron told me," you interrupt him, the act feels disrespectful but you hope he didn't feel like that. "That you used to enjoy watching him fight and kill others in the gladiator's pits. That you fight to bring the caste system back."

"While is true that I used to attend such activities, I never supported it," subconsciously, Optimus wanted you to look at him. He needed your acknowledgment, something you refused to give him at the moment.    

    "Megatron and I used to share similar ideologies. But he believed that equality could only be obtained if the other classes were eliminated."

"And you?"

"I believe that every sentient being has the ability to change."

    You let out a subsided laugh, looking down at your lap and then up again at the desert night.

    "So what? You were hoping to change a whole social class with pretty words and inspiring speeches?"

"We cannot build a new world founded on violence."

"And where has that led you? To a strange planet and your race almost extinct."

    He had good sentiments, you admired that but at some point you consider naivety to be stupidity.

"Cybertron will be rebuilt on tragedy," you say.

"And what am I supposed to do? Let him have his way?"

    You have noticed that Optimus speaks less formally when he finds himself in a tough spot. Now, it was one of those moments. Your words had hit a circuit but you didn't want for this to turn into an argument. Not when you wanted to gain his sympathy.

"I am not saying I know what's best. What I am saying is that I thought you..."

    You couldn't continue with your sentence. Because what you wanted to say was stupid and based on old ideas. Maybe deep down, you wished Optimus was that hero the world needed. But he was a leader. The leader of a war where there is no winner. He could only do what he did best. And that was making the hard decisions no one else could.

    You had put too much expectations on his shoulders. He can't be a hero and a leader at the same time. If he were to be a hero, he would have been dead long ago. But his team needed him alive, he couldn't afford to die a martyr. He must know that.

"Listen to me Prime," you called him by his first name. Now more than ever, you believe there will never be a time when you will call him by his first name. "Everyone is a slave to something. Even you are enslaved to your own stupid ideologies of hope."

    You were always precausious to never show your beliefs. Maybe years ago, you shared similar sentiments as Optimus. You saw yourself in him and you wanted to save him. Save him from the disappointment of the real truth of your world.

"But let me tell you this; you have those views because you lived through better times. You have tasted peace and solemnity," you had no stand to be lecturing him. Yet, you didn't see it that way. You were just speaking your feelings.

      "But them? Working as miners, being gladiators just for your entertainment? They never had what you did. This is their hope to have better times."

    You sigh heavily and feel your lungs struggle to breathe.

"And you just took that from them."

    Seconds turned into minutes and you thought Optimus would stand up and leave you alone. But he instinctively got closer to you. He probably didn't notice his actions.

"I used to really enjoy watching your old reports."

    The leader of the Autobots looks back fondly at the younger version of you. A few years back you had done a story about a small town that had been struck by a tornado. Many died and homes were destroyed.

    But instead of focusing on the downside of things, you talked about how the community came together to help each other build back their town. The resilience and strength. Optimus was inspired by how such small things could build things bigger than themselves.

     "Even when the report was about a catastrophic event, you always ended things positively."

"In the days where I had doubts, where I thought I couldn't do this anymore, I ... "

    He pauses, he can't understand the feeling in his spark but his voice box struggles to process words.

"I would watch you on TV and you would give me inspiration to continue my mission."

    His formality had dropped drastically and you wonder if this was his way to let his guard down and open up to you.

"But now that you are telling me this ... I think you are right," his voice cracks and your world crumbles.  "What is left worth fighting for?"

You didn't know Optimus could feel doubt and hesitancy. You are reminded of the power of words. How you, a small insignificant human could make a robot full of wisdom question the truth of his life? It was too much power and you didn't want it. You didn't want Optimus to view life the way you do. So pessimistic, so gloomy.

    You didn't believe in any of it, hope, love. None of that was enough to change the world. But Optimus didn't have to know that.

You wanted him to keep believing. To belive he could change the world with just words.

Fuck the truth.

"Megatron is full of rage," you say. "And sometimes rage allows us to live. To survive."

    You decide to overstep boundaries and you put a hand over his servo. But you don't look at him, too shy to do so.

"But faith does too."

    You were no one to question his beliefs. If you were completely honest, you would like to keep enjoying the company of this Optimus. The optimistic one, resilient, strong with unbreakable morals.

But in the back of your mind, the question still remains. There's no victory without sacrifice.

What if to win the war, to give meaning to the lives of fallen ones, he has to sacrifice his ideologies and beliefs?

What would you do ... Optimus?

"(Y/n)," Optimus calls your name so sweetly you feel your body shake up a little.

    He holds your hand, so delicately, so softly as if he is afraid of hurting you. As if he is afraid you might break. You had never been held so fondly,  your heart feels like melting.

"I have failed miserably in protecting you," He looks at your body and you feel like his optics pierce through your soul.  You feel seen but you didn't mind it one bit. "The injuries in your body are proof of it."

"I am aware we are strangers to titles but I would like to establish a new relationship."

    You didn't understand how he could make you feel in such a way. In a state of warmth and peace. How his presence alone was enough to comfort and heal wounds that go beyond physical pain.

"If you accept me as your guardian, I'll protect you and no harm shall ever find your way. I'll give my life for you if necessary. I'll do as you ask and have your safety as one of my purposes for living. Under these stars as a witness, I swear this to you."

    Like the stars above, there were many mysteries you didn't understand. You thought that maybe Optimus was one of those mysteries as well. Otherwise, you didn't understand how such a beautiful creature would ever put your life above his own. Does he see you as a bothersome being? Probably. But you don't mind. A part of you wanted to be protected by such a powerful creature. A righteous one at least. Maybe he does see you as a pet to be taken care of.

    But now that you think about it ... You don't mind devoting yourself to him either.

"I accept but under one condition," you wish you could be closer to his face, you feel a need to look closer at his optics.  "If you protect me ... then I'll take care of you."

"Care for me?"

"If you ever have doubts, if you feel lonely, or if you just want to talk,"  all of a sudden you feel shy and you quickly part your sight. You didn't have the time to think the reason why. "I want to share the burden of your decisions with you, please."

"You will do that for me?"

    He blinks multiple times, unsure of your words and you find this cute.

"You are willing to give up on your life for me," you make a small pause before continuing. "It's the least I can do."

    Looking at a desert wasn't fun. But talking always was. Especially with an alien robot with millions of years' worth of wisdom. It's strange how you always felt better after talking to Optimus. He doesn't seem to be the type to judge and that's what you appreciated the most about him.

"(Y/N), You have proven to be more than meets the eye," you hear his voice closer and immediately turn. He had slouched significantly to be able to see you face to face. It must be an uncomfortable position but he still made the effort to see you at an eye level.

    Maybe he also had a certain need to be as close as possible to you.

"I am glad the universe allowed us to encounter."

And before you could have the time to blush again, your brain replayed his words.

"Don't you mean optic? You guys don't have eyes."

    Optimus straightens his back, no longer looking at you. This time he looks up at the sky, he looks curiously at them. Putting a servo on his chin, he looks to be in deep thought.

"That is true. But that is an ancient saying of my people."

"If it's an ancient saying then can we assume your kind and mine have met before?"     You tilted your head, imagining the possibilities. You move your feet into a yoga position, feeling more comfortable.

"That is an interesting theory although I don't remember reading such things back at the archives. Maybe it's something worth investigating."

    Optimus also thought of the possibilities, maybe this could be tied to the relics.

"Oh! Do you want to investigate it together?" this could be an important piece to your report. It would also be more credible if you had an actual Transformer help you write on what is probably one of the greatest discoveries in human history.

     "We could write a report on it and give an informative presentation to the kids and the Autobots."

You put your hands up and them move them slowly in a parting motion.

"Cybertron and Earth: A Deeper Look Into Cybertronian-Human Relations and Why Our History Is Longer Than We Think."

The topic sounded more interesting to Optimus and the archivist in him started to show. You knew this by the way he would blink more often. It happened whenever something excited him.

"That sounds like a remarkable and revolutionary subject. I could try to look into Cybertron's' old archives and see if I can find something related to the topic."

If Optimus could always be excited like this, you wish you could hear him talk forever. Could he tell you all the stories and tales of his people. But would it hurt him to speak about them? To reminiscence the past may open old wounds and you didn't want to be the cause of it. You won't push it but you'll wait until he is ready.

"And I'll interview Fowler and see if he knows something or knows someone that knows more of the topic." That will be a challenge but there hasn't being a single person who never gave you an interview. Of course, you find your way. Ethical or not, it didn't matter as long as the truth was revealed.

"I  am looking forward to hearing about your findings."

"I am excited to look at your research too!"

That night you learned many things. About Optimus especially. About how he would blink a lot whenever something got him excited. About how he loses his formality in words when he gets comfortable, excited or angry. Things like this made him feel closer to you as if he wasn't from an alien race but rather just another living creature existing in the same universe. And that's exactly what it was.

One hour turned into two, then three, four. Time passed by so fast, just talking and enjoying each other company. You smoked a few cigarettes and promised Optimus to buy a few gallons of oil for him to enjoy next time.

Although you were still downhearted for being unable to return to your home, you tried to look at the bright side of things. It was something you weren't used to do. But being with Optimus, his optimism rubbed off on you.

    You two talked endlessly until you fell asleep on his servos. Optimus watched the sunrise; grateful to have met you, thinking how beautiful it was to love the ordinary. For at least, and with all the certainty in the universe he knew ... he was worthy of this.

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A/N: This chapter took longer than I expected and I think after this one I am going to work on another fic (from another fandom) because I am so close to finishing that story and I just haven't uploaded in sometime. But! I'll be writing one shots for tumblr. I'll start working on a one shot for Christmas! The poll is over and we have a winner. Thank you to everyone who voted and all the comments, notes and likes. I'll take my time to respond to each of you :) My inbox is always open for any comment, ideas, concerns or prompts ideas.

I definitely want for Reader and Optimus to have chemistry. I think it's very important to show interaction with each other and show why they are attracted instead of them just having them fall randomly? Like I want to show Optimus and Reader have similar interest and passions but having contrasting ideas. I'll probably have them dancing and being silly together at some point.

On the next chapter I'll have Reader do some actual work. She's gonna be undercover (she has to dress seductively to fit into the world of car racing where she meets a hot mechanic who teaches her a lot about cars and Optimus has to follow her around cause that's his job as his guardian. His circuits go crazy cause he can't understand why all of a sudden he finds a human attractive-)

I want Optimus to feel like he has something of his own, something only he can protect and take care of because he can and wants (by choice) and it's not forced upon him nor a responsibility to bear (like the matrix) and that lovely thing being you ofc.

Sorry for an errors and grammar mistakes, I don't proof read.

I also feel like I haven't used much of the other bots so I'll make sure to use them more often now if the plot requires it.

I think that's all for now. Thank you so much for reading and see you in the next chapter!

Previous Chapter:

https://www.tumblr.com/t-a-a-1/768513873838030848/the-darkest-hour?source=share

Next Chapter: Soon

[octuscle]

Spring Break Party Animal

Kristján Egilsson had come from Iceland to Santa Barbara three years ago to study marine biology. He had completed his bachelor's and master's degrees in record time, graduating at the top of his class. Nevertheless, he found it difficult to get a job. Perhaps it was because of his appearance: to call him slim was an understatement. Kristján was a beanpole. And he looked like he was 18. With a bit of blonde hair on his upper lip and the thin, blonde hair that fell on his shoulders. For his fellow students, it was always a wonder how a person who lived in California and spent a lot of time at the beach could stay so pale. Perhaps it was all due to his lifestyle: vegan, feminist, impeccable carbon footprint. And yet: unemployed!

The offer of a research assistant position with the possibility of a doctorate at New College Of Florida in Sarasota was anything but his dream. But still better than returning to Iceland. Kristján found it hard to admit, but somehow he liked the American way of life. The university had promised him a place in a hall of residence for post-graduate students, but had asked him to stay in a motel near the campus for a short time in the meantime. The previous tenant in the hall of residence had apparently been quite a party animal, so the place needed to be redecorated first, the personnel officer had told him with a mischievous wink.

Kristján arrived in Sarasota three weeks before the start of the spring semester. The bus ride had been long and exhausting. But a flight had not been justifiable in view of the CO2 emissions. He had left Atlanta very early this morning and finally arrived after changing buses in Tallahassee and Tampa. He had been on the road for over 70 hours. He was dead tired. The place was quiet. He checked into the somewhat shabby hotel, got into his room and, finally back in a real bed, fell asleep immediately.

His alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. He wanted to go to the beach; he hadn't seen the sea in ages. He would swim, wash off the dirt of the bus ride and then explore the campus. There was no one in the breakfast room yet. The waitress looked at him blankly and said that breakfast was not served until 8:00 a.m. Kristján was starving. He smiled his disarming Scandinavian boy's smile. “I'll see what I can do,” said the waitress, and disappeared into the kitchen. Kristján checked the weather conditions on his cell phone. He wanted to familiarize himself with the currents at the beach. And then he was served a huge portion of scrambled eggs and bacon. “I can't make you anything more, the cook isn't here yet,” said the waitress. Kristján didn't have the energy to argue about vegan nutrition. And he was starving, to be honest. A few bites wouldn't kill him. The scrambled eggs were delicious. He wolfed them down. He asked if he could get a coffee. The waitress brought him a Coke, apologizing that the coffee machine was still off. Kristján downed the 26-ounce bottle of sweet swill almost in one gulp. This was followed by an unparalleled belch. The waitress grinned and said that maybe there was a man in the boy after all. Kristján smiled, feeling both embarrassed and bewildered.

Kristján had spent the whole day by the sea. Near the city, the ecosystem was of course not particularly exciting. But he had gathered a few ideas about how to make simple improvements. Establishing protected zones, artificial reefs, things like that. He wanted to put his ideas on paper. But the mood in the hotel had changed considerably. He had seen the “spring break” posters everywhere. Tonight was the opening party. And now the first guests were arriving, crowding the reception and the lobby, making noise. This could be great. Kristján sighed and went to his room. On his minibar was a note saying “Have a great spring break, the first sixback is on us”. The minibar was stocked with beer.

At some point last night, Kristian had lost the desire to develop his ideas. There had been loud music coming from the pool and he could no longer concentrate, so he had taken a beer from the fridge, drunk it and then fallen into bed. He had ignored the alarm clock today. But there was no breakfast before 08:00 anyway. And when he was in the breakfast room at 08:00, he was still alone. A few students were lying by the pool, snoring. Kristian grabbed some scrambled eggs, bacon and sausages and wolfed down his breakfast. He wanted to finish before the students woke up. The plan for today was to get a bike. He had to be mobile in the city somehow. And he also wanted to explore the city and take a look at the campus. So far, he had only seen it on the internet. He had found a store for second-hand bikes on the internet and got a bargain there. Cool guys there, he had talked to them and got tips for the city. He had only been on campus for a short time; apart from a few construction workers, everything was pretty deserted. At the beach, he had only seen the crowds of people partying there and quickly turned back. Back at the hotel, he was happy that it was relatively quiet. He lay down by the pool. At some point, someone asked him if he wanted a beer. At some point, Kristian got himself a second beer. At some point, the party was also in full swing here by the pool.

Damn, that was one beer too many... at least. Christian threw up mangily in the bathroom. There was a full condom on the floor. He looked in the mirror. He looked like shit! Maybe a shave would help. He just left his moustache. Yes, that was better. Now breakfast, then a nap by the pool, then he'd be fine. Logan, Todd and Chad were already eating breakfast. With their first or second beer. Hey, what better way to have a real man's breakfast. Logan asked if the plan with the tattoo artist at lunchtime was still on. “Sure thing,” said Christian, half the scrambled eggs falling out of his mouth. He'd always wanted a tattoo. The sluts were into that kind of thing! But now he really had to piss. Damn it, he wasn't used to four beers for breakfast Shit, he wasn't going to make it to the toilet. He pissed on a palm tree on the terrace. To the jeers of the other boys. Now another burp. And then off to the sun lounger. A nap and a tan!

As Logan and he rode along the promenade on their motorcycles after the session at the tattooist, they could hardly wait for the evening to arrive. Their cocks were longing to finally be used again. Christian had already gotten hard during the tattooing session. His tattoo artist was also a guy after his own heart. Every now and then he really liked to fuck a tight man's ass. He would never tell the boys. Although... Todd had also sucked his cock before. Without making eye contact, of course. Otherwise it would be totally homo!

Shit, the party the night before had been awesome. The only sensible reason to go to college was really Springbreak! Cris took the last bottle of beer out of the fridge, lit a cigarette and went into the bathroom. His hair looked like shit. But one of the boys had brought long hair clippers. He would be able to trim his mullet for tonight. He trimmed his belly. Shit, Coach was going to give him another lecture when spring trimester started. But the diet of spare ribs, burgers and beer was working. And training would start again in April!

Shit, the trimester would start again in a week. Chris really wasn't a friend of the campus. But without a bachelor's degree, no money from his parents. And without money from his parents, no spring break. And without spring break, no sex. Who the fuck was he kidding? He was one of the hottest guys on campus. He would always have sex. And with the bitch at the other end of the pool. Cris let himself slide into the water. Thank God the water was warm. His hard-on would remain stable until he reached the other side of the pool.

Chris' pic found @boysgettingbigger

[admirationandromantics]

Chris's Little Sister

Can you write something about Josh dating Chris’s younger sister? -anon 

Of course I can!! I think one of the best ways to incorporate the reader into the group would actually be through a sibling relationship. And like… brother’s best friend? Now that’s something I live for. I did take some inspiration from Friends, just felt like it fit. Anyways, enjoy some headcanons for this one (already written one story today, and prepping for Christmas, so don’t have that much time).

And yeah, I still got a couple of requests in my inbox, but please bear with me. I do have things to do, but will get to them when I have the time. Enjoy <3

Chris and Josh met in third grade, so no wonder that when Chris brought home this beautiful little guy, you had heart eyes. You didn’t dare to talk to him, even when he initiated the conversation. You hid behind Chris or your mom, just observing them as they played. 

As you grew older, you developed more of a friendly relationship, this was your brother’s best friend after all, you weren’t gonna fuck it up. Chris brought you when you went to the Washingtons, and you mainly spent your time with the twins. 

Of course, Josh had a soft spot for you. He liked you, felt that he had to protect you, that sort of thing. You didn’t know if it was because you were Chris’s sister or because there was something else beneath. Soon, after a little too much time without Chris, you guys figured things out. 

Stolen glances became signals for a retreat to a secluded make out spot. Secret visits, making sure not to wake his sisters as well. Small touches that no one noticed. Everything felt like fireful passion, and keeping it secret made it even more thrilling. 

Josh has also made a few suggestive comments to his friend, trying to warm him up to the idea. “No, I’m not home that day” “Is your sister home?” “Why does that matter?” “I can think of a few ways we could entertain ourselves” “You’re not going near my sister, I’ll beat your head off, no joke” “Yeah, yeah… I know” 

When the annual winter getaway came, you found yourself with a lot more space and options. You and Josh talked, always away from Chris. I mean, he would actually kill him if he did something. You spent this time being flirty, a few comments here and there, which surprised the bachelor. 

That’s when it suddenly happened. You found yourself pressed up against the wall, locking lips with Josh Washington, your brother’s best friend. But you were caught. Hannah stood like a ghost in the doorway, eyes wide and mouth agape. You both knew you had fucked up. 

“Hannah!” “Don’t fucking talk to me” “Hannah, please!” “Has this been the drive all along? Being my friend, being with me just to hook up with my brother?” 

“You hooked up with Josh?” The colour drains from your face as you hear his voice. Chris, standing there, defeated, looking down on you. Everything is fucked up, everything is bad. “Chris, please hear me out…” 

He doesn’t. He marches to Josh’s room, confronting his friend. “What the hell, Josh!” 

You run inside, putting yourself in between them. “What’s going on?” Josh whispers to you, confused by the raging blonde. “He knows” “Shit”

“How long has this been going on?” You’re both silent, wondering what the right answer to the question might be. A while, a long time. Maybe he’d go easier on you if you said it was just one time? “Oh my god, and you never told me?” He’s looking down at you, disappointment and full of sorrow. 

“Listen Chris…” “Is he forcing you to do anything?” “No!” “Has he manipulated you in any way?” “Absolutely not!” 

He’s still defeated, trying to come to terms with it all. “You have many girls head over heels for you. Why, why. Why did it have to be her?” 

You wouldn’t admit it, but you were kind of curious as well. Why you, of all people. 

“Man, I-I can’t describe it. It just happened. And I’m glad it did. I love her, and we work, we’re good together” 

You both turn your attention to Chris again, and you take hold of his hand, rubbing over the knuckles softly. “I’m sorry Chris, but I feel the same about him” 

“For goodness sake, it’ll take time for me to digest this” “Of course, we understand” “And you feel safe?” “I do” “And he hasn’t hurt you in any way?” “No” 

“That’s a lie” Beth says, standing in the doorway. “What?” “The sounds I’ve heard from his room the last few weeks…” 

The relief turns to fear again as your brother rush to tackle your boyfriend.

[genderqueerdykes]

finding out i'm intersex has been the most relieving, freeing thing i've experienced, second only to starting testosterone. like... finally knowing why my body was so different from my perisex transmasc peers', why i could never relate to them, why i always gravitated towards intersex discussions of their development--because hold on a minute, that sounds familiar!

i felt just like. really ashamed for a long time. ashamed for relating to intersex folks (because i was worried about "co-opting their experiences" no matter how silent i stayed about my experiences, no matter how much i denied the Strangeness around my own bodily development, no matter how much i tried to reassure myself that it's okay to relate to people who aren't necessarily like me, etc--the moral OCD probably made this a thousand times worse), ashamed for never relating to perisex [transmasc] folks, and just. Ashamed.

things finally clicked into place for me recently ("hold on, wtf do you mean growing multiple, actual beard hairs at 16 (pre-T!) when all of your cis, perisex male relatives only started growing their facial hair in their early 20s at the very earliest is 'normal perisex development'? that feels completely backwards. like wildly backwards. dude, you're nearly a year and a half on T and you've gotten absolutely 0 fat redistribution, all that's happened is you've gained weight and muscle; your body generally has the exact same ratios part-to-part as it did before, just Bigger/More. buddy, you were a fucking baritone pre-T, which is wildly deep for someone who is presumably perisex and was afab. pal, every single effect of testosterone happened WAY sooner and more 'severely' than expected (except for the fat redistribution, which didn't happen at all because your fat distribution was already extraordinarily masculine), you're extremely sensitive to testosterone HRT in a way most perisex people probably would not be. friend, you have notably high testosterone levels and the only reason nobody mentioned it is probably because you were tested to go on testosterone, not because of other concerns (that you never mentioned), thus leading to them thinking it was a non-issue, or at least would be a non-issue in a few months since you were going on T anyways--and also, when has anybody ever mentioned that you've had notably high or low levels of anything? it took you months after the corresponding blood test to learn you had an iron deficiency requiring 130mg in iron supplements every day until you no longer got your period! why would they ever mention the high testosterone levels to you???"--etc etc, i could probably go on for hours) and it's been. possibly The Best Thing for my self confidence and mental health. it feels obvious in hindsight, but hindsight is also 20/20. and also i was riddled with moral OCD and fears of doing/saying/feeling/thinking Something Wrong. following you and hearing your experiences and thoughts has probably helped the most since it like. made the possibility of me being intersex Less Scary to consider.

anyways. Yeah. just needed to ramble about this somewhere/to someone since i'm not really in any intersex spaces (at least, none that i feel comfortable talking much in) and it's a lot to bottle up, even if it's by and large positive hdsgjs hope you don't mind lol

you know, the thing people need to realize is often times there is a lot of time that passes before someone realizes they're intersex. like for a lot of intersex people, not all, but a lot, it takes a really long time to figure that out. and they may question being intersex by reading others' experiences. that's not a bad thing i don't see how it's bad for someone to educate themselves and go. wow that really feels like me. i see myself in this

people get so hostile and mad towards people who are questioning and its like. we ALL go through a questioning phase when it comes to adopting queer identities. you don't just pop into existence knowing the words for all of your experiences. you have to learn somewhere. we have to be kinder to people who don't know what their experience is just yet

i'm glad realizing that has been good for you! i felt the same way when i realized it i was like ??? why can't i relate to a lot of these experiences. being intersex can be a super unique experience that makes you feel like a total outlier. i'm glad you now have a word and a community for who you are and what you're going through! thanks for stopping by, i really appreciate hearing from you! let us know if you need any help down the road

[closetkitsune]

...sooo yeah, I've seen a lot of posts about "tiktok therians" and also younger therians in general and I might as well get my two cents about it out here.

Short version: leave them alone; if they bother you that much then block them and move on instead of wasting your energy

Long version: Loud sigh... I feel like I might get some hate for this, but I might as well get it off my chest sooner or later.

Look, I get it, people are frustrated with how things are being watered down, but please think before you cause needless damage. What if, instead of your teacher correcting your answers on a quiz or test, they just insulted you, ignored you, and kicked you out of class? Not only would you not learn anything, but you'd probably end up disliking the teacher, if not developing a dislike for the subject they taught as a whole (as younger crowds tend to do). I've seen this happen in LGBT+ spaces and it saddens me to see it here, too.

Doesn't anyone else remember what it's like to be a teenager, exploring your identity, exploring concepts of the world in general, learning things, growing and maturing as a person? People get stuff wrong and misuse terms ALL. THE. TIME. Especially when young! That doesn't mean that some of them policing terms and identities is okay, of course; I don't blame anyone for taking a stand when it comes to that.

It's important to ensure that misinformation doesn't spread, of course. And that isn't done with gatekeeping and rage; it's done with compassion and patience. Not everyone is built for that sort of thing, of course; I'm not saying everyone out there needs to have the patience of a saint to correct people when they get certain alterhuman-related concepts or terms incorrect. Just know that being a bully on any level, no matter the excuse, will cause more harm than good.

"But it's the only way they'll learn!" No. Those are the words of someone who is letting their frustration and anger guide their actions. Maybe some people will need that kind of kick in the rear, but that should never, ever, ever be the action of choice. To be fair, I might be biased in this regard; my abusive guardian used that excuse all the time to make me do things because she didn't fully understand how my neurodivergence affected me. As a result, every time I see/hear anything similar to that, I'm strongly against it because it only reminds me of the bullying I endured.

Those who have been in this space for a while need to be welcoming to newcomers, willing to point to resources on some level, but still be firm in their boundaries in case someone decides to start trouble. Gatekeeping is not the answer and will never be the answer; the only thing it does is make the whole community look bad while ultimately causing damage. Of course, if you don't have the spoons to deal with any of this, then just block and move on. don't waste your energy on something you know isn't going to do you any good.

Those who are new to the space NEED to do their research from older, more established sources instead of only defining things in a way that they prefer. Things are going to exist in ways that don't make you the most comfortable, but you have the tools to keep that out of your space and you should absolutely make use of them.

I think everyone needs a reminder here that You are in charge of you. If something upsets you, it's your responsibility to block the appropriate people, set up the appropriate filters, whatever you need to do to make your space safe. If you claim an identity, you should at the very least know what it means and refrain from trying to needlessly police it.

And, I say this as a sex-repulsed asexual: sexual things are going to exist in every single space, be it an identity, fandom, hobby, whatever. It's not inherently bad, but it's certainly okay to not like it and it certainly shouldn't be aimed at minors. Set up your filters, block as needed, and move on. (And if you're the one posting NSFW stuff, tag it or otherwise mark it appropriately.)

If you're coming to tumblr from Tiktok, welcome! I hope you can find a safe space here. If you're a minor, please remember to practice basic internet safety. Don't share your age or location, don't show your face (masks are great for this!), be careful who you talk to, etc.

Please, don't fight each other. Educate each other and stand together. The world is a scary place; we don't need to add more bickering where it could be avoided. And we certainly don't want to alienate people who don't need to be.

(Obligatory disclaimer because this is the internet: please remember to use common sense and critical thinking; I'm not going to tolerate any logical fallacies. I don't have the patience for that.)

[gatitties]

My hero academia gang reacts to a new student male!reader who has an unusual quirk of being extremely lucky. They can still fight and have insane strength of their own but their quirk when activated makes enemies stumble, their attacks weaker, get blown up by their own moves and perfect his own abilities. Not only does it affect them on the battlefield but outside in their daily life too. Everything seems to go their way without even trying. Perfect in school, perfect on the field, many lovestruck admirers, and a perfect hero in the making.

But in the reader’s eyes it’s more of a curse than a blessing. They try to minimize their quirk to the point it doesn’t have such a direct effect on their life. Reader comes from an insanely rich well renowned family who is thought highly of by society thanks to that lucky quirk. Also the reader is considered a pretty boy by everyone so he’s quite popular and a quickly growing fan favorite by the public. Everyone wants to be his friend. This actually makes them uncomfortable and insecure because they believe it’s just the quirk that’s making it all happen. Thats it’s not him that they want.

First meeting reader seems like the most perfect guy in the world who has it all. Confident, charming, and a model student. Everything goes right for him. But then people notice that he seems distant and avoids people some may see this as being stuck up but he’s actually afraid of making friends because he thinks it’s the quirk they’re really drawn to. But underneath he’s really an energetic, giddy, nerd with a lot of heart just wanting to break free of his family’s shadow and prove that he can make it on his own.

─MHA x male!reader

─Summary: Your family and your quirk don't help you trust others, but you try to make a change, step by step.

─Warnings: none

Sorry if this is too general and not focused on just one group more :(

─ When you start the hero course everything goes as you thought, your parents' position and old reputation at school only made you stand out like a sore thumb among the other teens, you were a correct, polite, patient, good student… a perfect model of the best version of a student.

─ Practically all the departments and teachers knew about you for one reason or another, of course, your influence and power made you be in class 1-A, where you found those who admired your quirk and others not so much.

─ It was more than nice, although strange, to be rejected by Bakugo without having really done anything, that guy just hates everyone by the looks of it, but since you had never been rejected, it made you feel that he was really sincere about his thoughts about you.

─ That didn't mean you stopped paying attention to others, the class itself was quite welcoming, there was that determination that characterizes all heroes, although the first few weeks you only leaned towards small interactions due to your insecurities.

─ Your ability was very useful and certainly something out of the ordinary, where you can find mutations or alterations of space, you are simply lucky and depend on your own body, many people find it incredible, and many people only approach you because of that same ability, if you think about it, you can have everything you want if you have luck on your side!

─ You hate it, that's why it takes you a long time to really be friends with anyone, no matter how friendly Izuku's group is, in your eyes they are not being sincere, on the contrary, Bakugo's group along with some other students from class B will think that you are conceited, that you think you are better than others and that is why you don't want to spend some time with them.

─ The fact that you minimized the use of your ability is what made you develop that good layer of muscles, since if you don't want to depend on your quirk, it's better to have your body and mind well trained, being in good shape also ruined your mood a bit, it made you more popular among some people.

─ The teachers are the only ones who know why you are like this, maybe they have received some warning from your parents, they know how hard it is for you to make friends and they didn't want you to close yourself off.

─ Sometimes they are the cause of this, you carry the whole family lineage and many hopes on you make you feel unsure if you will be as good as all of them, unintentionally they put those expectations on you, although you won't let them know.

─ Aizawa pairs you with Uraraka, Mina, Denki or Kirishima, since they are the ones who are most open to talking to anyone naturally, probably one of them will be your first friend.

─ All Might will leave you in Izuku's hands, he knows what his boy is like and this broccoli is willing to make you feel much better, although he doesn't understand why sometimes you still prefer Bakugo's company.

─ When small bonds of friendship begin to blossom, you decides that you should make friends on your own, since it had been the class itself who had taken the trouble to make you come out of your mental hiding place, this time you should be the one to initiate the interactions, you thought it would be a step forward to put aside your insecurity.

─ It wasn't easy, Monoma didn't like you very much (he just doesn't like anyone from 1-A), still, just like with the explosive blonde in your class, you were glad it was like that, you knew he was totally sincere, although if he went too far making comments here and there that could be hurtful, Kendo would take care of giving him a good punch.

─ Kendo, Tetsutetsu and Ibara are pretty easy going, so you consider it a personal achievement to have made friends with them on your own, when you tell your group of friends from 1-A they are happy that you have managed to leave behind the prejudices about your quirk and make more friends on your own.

─ As for Todoroki and Hitoshi (who you coincided with a lot because of Aizawa) they were the hardest to relate to, they also distanced themselves from people, like you at first, although they did not hide a personality as bubbly as yours once you move around in a more comfortable environment.

─ Quite nice once you manage to get past their walls, like you, they thought they did not need anyone to move forward, that company would be useless or interest moved people, but many people have shown you that those thoughts are false.

─ You also took the time to talk to your family, all the burden that came with being the son of a big company or two well-known figures, you wanted to have more room to make mistakes in practice, to experiment without having an accusing eye for your stumbles being part of the family, to demonstrate your worth without the need for your last name.

─ Almost everyone loves the new change (Bakugo is not yet in his redemption arc), before you looked good, but your gaze was lost and dull, now your smile is sincere, your eyes have a new light and you take the time to chat at length with every person who stops you in the hallways.

[lullabyes22-blog]

First of all, I just wanted to say how much I love your Arcane fics. I’ve been following FnF since I stumbled across it at 10 chapters long, and it’s been a wild ride since! Like a lot of people I’ve been all over the place with my feelings regarding season 2, but as far as I’m concerned FnF is my season 2 (and 3, 4, etc.) lol. You’re a gift to this fandom. Thank you for sharing your brilliant mind and imagination with us readers ❤️

You’ve answered some what-if asks and shared other Arcane thoughts on this blog before, so I have two questions for your consideration, but no pressure to answer either of them!

1. As a fellow writer, I’m in awe of the scale of FnF and the amount of planning/outlining that must be involved—HOLY SHIT! Are there any elements of s2 that have inspired you as you continue to write FnF? Have you considered adapting any s2 elements into later chapters (beyond what you’ve already predicted), or have you held fast to a specific Vision throughout the duration of this writing project?

2. Not sure if you’ve been asked this in the past, but what the hell would a living Silco’s reaction be to Vander’s hellish resuscitation as Warwick, assuming he isn’t immediately mauled in a confrontation?? Is Singed (assuming he’s the culprit) definitely fired??? This feels like such a MESSY terrible horrible no-good very bad situation for everyone involved lmao, and I would love to know your thoughts.

Aaaaah thank you so much! I'm super happy you're enjoying the story! I've been having a lot of fun with it, and I'm glad so many other folks are having fun with it as well <333

Also deeply honored you'd consider FnF in any way adjacent to canon material; that means so much T_T Especially since my own feelings on s2 are pretty mixed, and I'm not really sure what I would even do with those ideas, except maybe throw them out as a one-shot sometime down the road.

1. In terms of the s2 inspiration, I will say I was not the biggest fan of the plot's coherence/cohesion as a whole (too much stuff going on in too little time, too many threads left dangling etc). However, I was very gratified by the thematic journeys of the characters in S2, as in FnF they're actually following a similar trajectory (except for Silco who is, well, dead), and a lot of the same conflicts and themes are coming up. There was a happy sense of vindication that came from that, like, "Oh, so this was actually important, and not just me making a fanficcy mountain out of a molehill."

I will say though, that FnF has its own pretty airtight-ish plot, with many aspects already sketched out in advance, so I'm not going to go re-plotting things to match s2's direction unless and until it becomes necessary. In some ways, tbh, there's a sense of gleeful overlap, as a lot of the plot beats do mirror one another. (The Black Rose make an appearance by Act VII, there's a greater emphasis on magic and high fantasy going forward, Jinx is in the grip of an identity/existential crisis and Vi is stuck at a crossroads, Jayce has become disillusioned and split with Mel, Viktor has retreated underground and will be withdrawing deeper into his work, Ekko will be the one to snap Jinx out of a critical juncture and save Zaun in the long term, Sevika will take a greater leadership role etc...) All of the parallels if not the outright similarities were pretty satisfying.

As for how that's manifesting, a lot of the major developments and character arcs going forward are largely set in stone, but I do have a few key S2 events/details I've been mulling over in the background that I can see myself weaving into the plot at some point. But the rest is probably best kept as a surprise :>

2. As for the hellish resuscitation, well, I'd be lying if I said I haven't been thinking about that one a lot hehehe...

But long story short:

Singed is 100% fired because there is NO WAY Silco would sanction such a thing - and if it occured in the FnF universe, then Singed was absolutely doing it behind Silco's back and will now face the full consequences.

 As for Warwick himself - he'd 100% retreat to Silco and Vander's little Brokeback bunk in the mines. And Silco would 100% don his old mining duds and dustry greatcoat and go looking for him, because he needs to be SURE it's not just a rumor, and also because he does, subconsciously, desperately want it to be his Vander. And Vander, who has a good measure of the old Vander's memories, and is 100% aware it's not a rumor, because hello: deranged wolfman, will 100% run towards Silco with every intention of tearing him to pieces.

And that is where the similarities end.

Because Vander is too deeply trapped within Warwick's killer shell, and is therefore incapable of having an emotional reunion with anyone, and because Silco is not an idiot and would never go into a skirmish without a loaded gun and an escape route, the end result would be bloody, messy and tragic.

Worst case scenario: both men would kill each other, and in their final death throes, find boyhood memories resurfacing. They'd die in tears, messily and bloodily entwined, but finally at peace with their own demons - which is how Jinx and Vi, teaming up similar to S2, would find them.

Best case scenario: Silco would find Warwick and be forced to try and capture and contain him. He'd enlist Sevika's help and succeed, but when Jinx finds out, she'd be appalled and retraumatized, and convinced Silco is trying to erase her dead dad and supplant him in every sense. She'd go off the rails and have a complete breakdown, and Vi would be the one she'd run to, because Vi is the only person who understands and cares. The sisters would end up teaming against Silco to try and bust WarVander out, and this would cause an irreparable rift between Silco and Jinx.

Cue mass destruction and an epic family feud.

Sevika, who'd be the only person left in Silco's circle of trust, would have to make the call to have Warwick quietly killed in order to save the city from a war, and then lie to Silco, telling him Vander succumbed to his own madness and perished. This would cause Silco's mental state to completely disintegrate. He'd lose what little sanity he had left, and would descend into a pit of guilt and grief.

 Either way, it's a pretty awful tragedy on both sides, and it would take the entire remaining plot of FnF to resolve the fallout, and for Jinx and Vi to find any kind of peace.

So you can see why I've been mulling a lot, but also left it alone haha.

But who knows?

Maybe the story will change my mind, or I'll be struck by some miraculous idea and figure a way out, though I'm doubtful.

Thanks again for the lovely words and thoughtful questions! They really mean a lot <3

[multiversal-pudding]

THIS-

like, the way I’ve always seen The Fentons is that we kinda also have to account for the fact they’re victims of Being Parent Characters In An Aughts-Era Cartoon, meaning a lot of times The Bit tends to come before The Character in how they’re written most of the time- so like, the fact that we DO have episodes like Maternal Instinct with Maddie being worried about Danny acting different or the parts in Million Dollar Ghost about Jack wanting Danny’s respect/Danny letting himself be caught by Jack just to cheer him up, Jazz calling them out in Reality Trip and them admitting it was partly their fault he felt he needed to hide just. Fascinates me-

Like, this is long before the era of Camilla Noceda and Stan Pines, Danny Phantom was never meant to be fully story driven and the elements we did get were probably fought for tooth and nail, and I really do think at least part of the writer’s team was really TRYING to do a complex “parents as flawed but well meaning characters” story, and while I understand people who see them/write them less favorably I’ve always found the whole situation with them more interesting as a story when you meet them on that level of “they really DO CARE/would fight like hell for their kids and are meant to be sympathetic yet flawed, they deserved character development they weren’t allowed to get/keep” personally (unlike Timmy’s Parents, who can go fuck themselves actually)

(and yeah we also get some stuff like Jack’s behavior in Doctor’s Disorders, but like. Honestly I just file that with the “Danny peeping tom-ing the women’s locker room/Tucker’s… creepier moments” type moments of “Yeah it happened in the show, but that’s probably more on bad/awkward writing moments/what was considered ‘funny’ at the time despite the fact it Honestly Really Shouldn’t Have Been” personally tbh- like. I like Danny Phantom SOMETIMES/I like the idea of it, but unfortunately it is one of those things with asterisks on some parts-)

Okay but Danny Phantom and Fairly Odd Parents is such an interesting study in contrast

Because while they're both products of their time (ugh the aughts ugh) Fairly Odd Parents shows what Butch Hartman thinks severe neglect looks like, and the differences between the Turners and the Fentons are very clear in that way

The Fentons are silly! They do silly things, like put lab samples in the fridge and weld things at the dinner table. They embarrass their kids and get easily distracted at plot-convenient points. They mess up cartoonishly all the time but they go to such massive lengths to protect their kids.

The Turners? Are mean. They tell Timmy to his face that they don't give a shit about him. They complain about what his being born has cost them. They openly wish they hadn't had him, they ditch him as much as they possibly can, they never listen if he asks for help (which he usually doesn't.)

And you set that next to the Fentons and it's obvious that, while the Fentons are massively fucked up... Hartman never meant to imply they didn't care.

I don't know where I'm going with this, I just think it's interesting

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

.

[sysig]

Guess who :3c (Patreon)

[frobby]

i love madoka magica however i dont think we as a fandom talk enough about how tragic madoka herself is. probably because the narrative itself steers you away from thinking about her personally. shes not a character shes a desire that homura has, shes a force of good, shes homura's foil. but those are all madoka's narrative roles but madoka herself as a person is not really looked at because we are viewing this world from an unreliable narrator(homura) who only sees madoka as those things. The best thing homura could have done for madoka was give up on her, to let her go. because every time we go back in time the image of madoka is distorted, she loses more of herself every regression of homura's as she tries harder and harder to save her. We don't even know what madoka originally wished for to become a magical girl in the original timeline. and she actually acts quite differently than the madoka we meet. shes a lot more honest and caring and bold. by the time homura's has reached the actual anime madoka has been reduced by the sands of time to a figment of herself. she has no wants or desires of her own beyond wanting to do good and help her friends and when all her humanity is stripped away is when she finally acends to godhood because thats all thats left of her. an ideal and a faith in her. madoka kaname died a long time ago and all that is left is her ghost.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I always read both of them consistently forgetting important details about themselves on and off as being due to trauma? Like especially the whole "was obviously flung out the windshield of this ship on landing" thing. Like as someone with dissociation and trauma related memory loss maybe I am biased, but it looks like that to me.

Also, have you ever learned a language and then not used it for 20 years? I have. You will understand most of it if people speak it to you, at least most of the common parts of it, but you can't remember it well enough to speak it yourself, so if someone asks you if you speak that language you're like "nope it's been too long" and then you turn around and know EXACTLY what that old lady on the bus grumbled at you. Your intentional recall of the words fail, but the recognition recall is still all there.

It's like that a lot with repressed memories too, like the connection to the memory isn't there but the memory itself is, so it only comes up at an external trigger. You forget it, but you'll know it the moment you see it again.

There are also times you develop a skill or technique for something that just isn't that useful, or bites you in the ass, and you just don't use it ever again and forget about it. Like yeah he got big at that tournament, and how did that go for him? Lost him the fight is what it did. Lost him the world. I'd forget that too. I'd have hoped everyone would just forget that.

My forgetful king. 😭

[daz4i]

did y'all know that apparently i'm a good dancer. who'd have thought

[journey-to-the-attic]

So have you heard of that Obey Me: Nightbringer thing?? I saw it on their Twitter and I have no idea what it is but I don't interact with enough people in the fandom to ask

oh yeah, i saw that too! unfortunately i also have no idea what it is, so i can't help you here ^^;

i think i saw someone under it saying it's a prequel game of some sort? but idk if they actually knew or if it's speculation, so keep that in mind

[iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning]

i broke down sobbing when i read through his post, partly out of sadness for matt but also because it brought back everything i felt when i lost my boy.

we got him when i was 9 and we pretty much grew up together. i was the only person he let hold him, or even cuddle him for longer than 30 seconds. he used to put his paw on my hand when he fell asleep. if i was away for a few days visiting friends or family, he would alternate between sitting in my room meowing and sitting front and center staring at the front door waiting for me; if my parents said my name at all, he’d perk up and go running to my room. we even had a routine every single night where when it got to the time i would normally go to bed, he would eat and then go to the bathroom and then come into my room bc he knew he was going to sleep with me for the entire night

he got sick really suddenly (took him to the vet the day he started developing symptoms) and within a week, he died in my arms. that cat was the only constant in my life for over 13 years until the day he died. and although it will be two years of him being gone in january, and while it might not completely sit at the forefront of my mind all day every day anymore, it still hurts just as much when i do think about him. he got me through a lot of really really awful times and quite frankly, i’m not sure i would still be here if he hadn’t been around bc even though he was a cat, there’s such a great comfort in having a living being love you so much without any judgement when you’re can’t even find an ounce of love for yourself or from anyone else

i’m not confident that it will ever hurt less because he was my best friend in the entire world and he loved me when i felt like no one else did. and as irrational as it might be, losing him was a harder hit to me than losing most of the people in my life would be (aside from close family and best friend) and its a pain i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. it truly is the most gut wrenching pain i’ve ever experienced and it fucks me up all over again when i see someone else having to go through it as well

i know some people think its unreasonable to get so upset over losing a pet but how do you not grieve something that was such an integral part of your life for such a long time? that’s a concept i don’t understand bc when you choose to adopt an animal, you’re doing it knowing that its going to become a part of your family and your life, and you’re going to love it as you do a member of your family.

and as someone who struggled then and currently still struggles with severe bipolar depression, having the peace, comfort, and warmth that i got from his presence ripped away from me with no warning sent me into the worst downward spiral i’ve ever been in and i almost didn’t come back from it.

my heart breaks for matt and everyone else who has ever had to experience this type of loss

sorry for the rant guys. matt’s post just really sent me back and i’ve never really vocalized how much pain i was in to anyone in my real life

Boo passed away, I'm sobbing right now. I can't believe this.

[kira-akira]

What I Want You To Know About Long COVID

Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.

Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.

COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.

Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).

There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.

So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.

COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.

The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".

Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."

There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.

You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.

I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.

This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.

Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.

Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.

Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.

Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.

Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.

Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.

And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.

Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.

I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.