#there we go i run that tag (not true)
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ruining his reputation
#twisted wonderland#comics#twst fanart#ace trappola#deuce spade#mc: kip/ki#mc/yuu#jack howl#sebek zigvolt#epel felmier#adeuce#jace#sebace#epelace#aceyuu#WHATEVED THEYRE CALLED#poly first years#there we go i run that tag (not true)#my art :>#traditional art
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಼âżŕ˛Ľ
#God this episode is so so good.#Tachihara sweetie I'm sorry I never talk about you. I swear I love him so so much he's an amazing character. I love his story and conflictâ#so much.#This arc is peak bsd writing / meta literature plot. The tearing page moment is insane. The sentiments expressed here are soâ#deep and emotional. The theme of the ordinary man. God and the force of human spirit.#Fighting against one's own destiny and finding the reason for own's existence. It's all subjects that are so interesting to reflect overâ#and they're elaborated on in such a cool and compelling way. I love Dazai's quote on the strength of humans whoâ#âare caught in the tempest of contingency and screamâ run and shed bloodâ so much. It moves me deeply.#The animation was really neat. A lot of detailed sequences. The wind was animated beautifully. The colors were so pretty and the stainedâ#glass visuals still go so hard.#Again I love Tachihara's conflict so much!!! I'm so into tachi/gin too... I know it's more of a Tachihara x oc since. Well.#We know little to nothing about Gin. But there's still so much spice to it... What do you MEAN Tachihara stabbed Gin !!!!!!#I'm so into the drama. AND the kind of relationship born from the big brother complex⢠they both (may) share. AND the work partners.#AND the hiding their true identities to the other. How could I not love them...#Still believe season 4 should have ended where episode 11 ends but spreading it all in 12 episodes to allow it all better pacing.#I really think this season is great but the pacing really is its weakest point.#Of the sky casino arc they could have made a movie if they wanted to. Or just a cool arc at the start of season 5 that can work too!!#(((and not put ch 84-88 at only ep3. And then animate it grossly. But that's another talk.)))#Anyways 100000/10 what a good episode. This really was peak B/ungou Stray Dogs. And Akutagawa isn't even in it!!!#random rambles#Very hot take but I don't think Lucy should jump off a sky casino for a man. Sorry#My feelings for atsu/lucy are so fluctuating. I could write a whole other tags rant on it.#Actually I will
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 55-56
Chapter; Highlights, Notes, Tags, etc.
The Thirteen were on edge. They hadn't yet decided where to go. And hadn't been invited to travel with the Crochans to any of their home-hearths. Even Glennis's.
None of them, however, had looked his way when they'd prowled past. None had recognized him.
Dorian had just completed another walking circuit in his little training area when Manon stalked by, silver hair flowing. He paused, no more than a wary Crochan sentinel, and watched her storm through snow and mud as if she were a blade through the world.
Manon had nearly passed his training area when she went rigid.
Slowly, she turned, nostrils flaring.
Those golden eyes swept over him, swift and cutting. Her brows twitched toward each other. Dorian only gave her a lazy grin in return.
Then she prowled toward him.
Another assessing stare. "I would have thought you'd pick a prettier form."
He frowned down at himself. "I think she's pretty enough."
Manon's mouth tightened. "I suppose this means you're about to go to Morath."
"Did I say anything of the sort?" He didn't bother sounding pleasant.
Manon took a step toward him, her teeth flashing. In this body, he stood shorter than her. He hated the thrill that shot through his blood as she leaned down to growl at him. "We have enough to deal with today, princeling."
"Do l look as if I'm standing in your way?" She opened her mouth, then shut it.
Dorian let out a low laugh and made to turn away. An iron-tipped hand gripped his arm.
Strange, for that hand to feel large on his body. Large, and not the slender, deadly thing he'd become accustomed to.
Her golden eyes blazed. "If you want a softhearted woman who will weep over hard choices and ultimately balk from them, then you're in the wrong bed."
"I'm not in anyone's bed right now." He hadn't gone to her tent any of these nights. Not since that conversation in Eyllwe.
She took the retort without so much as a flinch. "Your opinion doesn't matter to me."
"Then why are you standing here?"
Again, she opened and closed her mouth. Then snarled, "Change out of that form." Dorian smiled again. "Don't you have better things to do right now, Your Majesty?" He honestly thought she might unsheathe those iron teeth and rip out his throat.
Half of him wanted her to try. He even went so far as to run one of those phantom hands along her jaw.
"You think I don't know why you don't want me to go to Morath?"
"Tell me to stay," he said, and the words had no warmth, no kindness. "Tell me to stay with you, if that's what you want." His invisible fingers grew talons and scraped over her skin. Manon's throat bobbed. "But you won't say that, will you, Manon?" Her breathing turned jagged. He continued to stroke her neck, her jaw, her throat, caressing skin he'd tasted over and over. "Do you know why?"
"Because while you might be older, might be deadly in a thousand different ways, deep down, you're afraid. You don't know how to ask me to stay, because you're afraid of admitting to yourself that you want it. You're afraid. Of yourself more than anyone else in the world. You're afraid." For several heartbeats, she just stared at him.
Then she snarled, "You don't know what you're talking about," and stalked away.
His low laugh ripped after her. Her spine stiffened. But Manon did not turn back.
Afraid. Of admitting that she felt any sort of attachment.
It was preposterous.
And it was, perhaps, true.
But it was not her problem. Not right now.
Manon stormed through the readying camp where tents were being taken down and folded, hearths being packed. The Thirteen were with the wyverns, supplies stowed in saddlebags.
Some of the Crochans had frowned her way. Not with anger, but something like disappointment.
Discontent. As if they thought parting ways was a poor idea.
Manon refrained from saying she agreed.
Even if the Thirteen followed, the Crochans would find a way to lose them. Use their power to bind the wyverns long enough to disappear.
And she would not lower herself, lower the Thirteen, to become dogs chasing after their masters. They might be desperate for aid, might have promised it to their allies, but she would not debase herself any further.
Manon halted at Glennis's camp, the only hearth with a fire still burning. A fire that would always remain kindled.
A reminder of the promise she'd made to honor the Queen of Terrasen. A single, solitary flame against the cold.
Manon rubbed at her face as she slumped onto one of the rocks lining the hearth. A hand rested on her shoulder, warm and slight. She didn't bother to slap it away.
Glennis said, "We're departing in a few minutes. I thought l'd say good-bye."
Manon peered up at the ancient witch. "Fly well." It was really all there was left to say.
Manon's failure was not due to Glennis, not due to anyone but herself, she supposed.
You're afraid.
It was true. She had tried, but not really tried to win the Crochans. To let them see any part of her that meant something. To let them see what it had done to her, to learn she had a sister and that she had killed her. She didn't know how, and had never bothered to learn.
You're afraid.
Yes, she was. Of everything.
Glennis lowered her hand from Manon's shoulder.
"May your path carry you safely through war and back home at last."
She didn't feel like telling the crone there was no home for her, or the Thirteen.
Glennis turned her face toward the sky, sighing once. Then her white brows narrowed. Her nostrils flared. Manon leapt to her feet.
"Run," Glennis breathed. "Run now."
Manon drew Wind-Cleaver and did no such thing. "What is it?"
"They're here." How Glennis had scented them on the wind, Manon didn't care.
Not as three wyverns broke from the clouds, spearing for their camp.
She knew those wyverns, almost as well as she knew the three riders who sent the Crochans into a frenzy of motion.
The Matrons of the Ironteeth Witch-Clans had found them. And come to finish what Manon had started that day in Morath.
The three High Witches had come alone.
Rushing steps crunched through the icy snow, halting at Manon's side just as Dorian's scent wrapped around her. "Is thatâ"
"Yes," she said quietly, heart thundering as the Matrons dismounted and did not raise their hands in request for parley. No, they only stalked closer to the hearth, to the precious flame still burning. "Don't engage," Manon warned him and the others, and strode to meet them.
It was not the king's battle, no matter what power dwelled in his veins.
Glennis was already armed, an ancient sword in her withered hands. The woman was as old as the Yellowlegs Matron, yet she stood tall, facing the three High Witches.
Cresseida Blueblood spoke first, her eyes as cold as the iron-spiked crown digging into her freckled brow. "It has been an age, Glennis." But Glennis's stare, Manon realized, was not on the Blueblood Matron. Or even on Manon's own grandmother, her black robes billowing as she sneered at Manon.
It was on the Yellowlegs Matron, hunched and hateful between them. On the crown of stars atop the crone's thinned white hair.
Glennis's sword shook slightly. And just as Manon realized what the Matron had worn here,
Bronwen appeared at Glennis's side and breathed, "Rhiannon's crown."
Worn by the Yellowlegs Matron to mock these witches. To spit on them.
A dull roaring began in Manon's ears.
"What company you keep these days, granddaughter," said Manon's grandmother, her silver-streaked dark hair braided back from her face. A sign enough of their intentions, if her grandmother's hair was in that plait. Battle. Annihilation.
The weight of the three High Witches' attention pressed upon her. The Crochans gathered behind her shifted as they waited for her response.
Yet it was Glennis who snarled, in a voice Manon had not yet heard, "What is it that you want?"
Manon's grandmother smiled, revealing rust-flecked iron teeth. The true sign of her age. "You made a grave error, Manon Kin-Slayer, when you sought to turn our forces against us. When you sowed such lies amongst our sentinels regarding our plansâ my plans."
Manon kept her chin high. "I spoke only truth. And it must have frightened you enough that you gathered these two to hunt me down and prove your innocence in scheming against them."
The other two Matrons didn't so much as blink. Her grandmother's claws had to have sunk deep, then. Or they simply did not care.
"We came," Cresseida seethed, the opposite in so many ways of the daughter who had given Manon the chance to speak, "to at last rid us of a thorn in our sides."
Had Petrah been punished for letting Manon walk out of the Omega alive? Did the Blueblood Heir still breathe? Cresseida had once screamed in a mother's terror and pain when Petrah had nearly plunged to her death.
Did that love, so foreign and strange, still hold true? Or had duty and ancient hatred won out?
The thought was enough to steel Manon's spine. "You came because we pose a threat."
Because of the threat you pose to that monster you call grandmother.
"You came," Manon went on, Wind-Cleaver rising a fraction, "because you are afraid."
Manon took a step beyond Glennis, her sword lifting farther.
"You came," Manon said, "because you have no true power beyond what we give you.
And you are scared to death that we're about to take it away." Manon flipped Wind-Cleaver in her hand, angling the sword downward, and drew a line in the snow between them. "You came alone for that fear. That others might see what we are capable of. The truth that you have always sought to hide."
Her grandmother tutted. "Listen to you. Sounding just like a Crochan with that preachy nonsense."
Manon ignored her. Ignored her and pointed Wind-Cleaver directly at the Yellowlegs Matron as she snarled, "That is not your crown."
Something like hesitation rippled over Cresseida Blueblood's face. But the Yellowlegs Matron beckoned to Manon with iron nails so long they curved downward. "Then come and fetch it from me, traitor."
Manon stepped beyond the line she'd drawn in the snow.
No one spoke behind her. She wondered if any of them were breathing.
She had not won against her grandmother. Had barely survived, and only thanks to luck. That fight, she had been ready to meet her end. To say farewell.
Manon angled Wind-Cleaver upward, her heart a steady, raging beat.
She would not greet the Darkness's embrace today. But they would.
"This seems familiar," her grandmother drawled, legs shifting into attacking position.
The other two Matrons did the same. "The last Crochan Queen. Holding the line against us." Manon cracked her jaw, and iron teeth descended. A flex of her fingers had her iron nails unsheathing. "Not just a Crochan Queen this time."
There was doubt in Cresseida's blue eyes.
As if she'd realized what the other two Matrons had not.
Thereâit was there that Manon would strike first. The one who now wondered if they had somehow made a grave mistake in coming here.
A mistake that would cost them what they had come to protect.
A mistake that would cost them this war.
And their lives.
For Cresseida saw the steadiness of Manon's breathing. Saw the clear conviction in her eyes. Saw the lack of fear in her heart as Manon advanced another step.
Manon smiled at the Blueblood Matron as if to say yes.
"You did not kill me then," Manon said to her grandmother. "I do not think you will be able to now."
"We'll see about that," her grandmother hissed, and charged.
Manon was ready.
An upward swing of Wind-Cleaver met her grandmother's first two blows, and Manon ducked the third. Turning right into the onslaught of the Yellowlegs Matron, who swept up with unnatural speed, feet almost flying over the snow, and slashed for Manon's exposed back.
Manon deflected the crone's assault, sending the witch darting back. Just as Cresseida launched herself at Manon. Cresseida was not a trained fighter. Not as the Blackbeak and Yellowlegs Matrons were. Too many years spent reading entrails and scanning the stars for the answers to the Three-Faced Goddess's riddles.
A duck to the left had Manon easily evading the sweep of Cresseida's nails, and a countermove had Manon driving her elbow into the Blueblood Matron's nose.
Cresseida stumbled. The Yellowlegs Matron and her grandmother attacked again. So fast. Their three assaults had happened in the span of a few blinks. Manon kept her feet under her. Saw where one Matron moved and the other left a dangerous gap exposed.
She was not a broken-spirited Wing Leader unsure of her place in the world.
She was not ashamed of the truth before her.
She was not afraid.
Manon's grandmother led the attack, her maneuvers the deadliest. It was from her that the first slice of pain appeared. A rip of iron nails through Manon's shoulder. But Manon swung her sword, again and again, iron on steel ringing out across the icy peaks.
No, she was not afraid at all.
Around him, the Crochans thrummed with fear and dread. Either for the fight unfolding or the three Matrons who had found them.
But Glennis did not tremble. At her side Bronwen hummed with the energy of one eager to leap into the fight.
Manon and the High Witches sprang apart, breathing heavily. Blue blood leaked down Manon's shoulder, and small slices peppered the three Matrons.
Manon still remained on the far side of the line she'd drawn. Still held it.
The dark-haired witch in voluminous black robes spat blue blood onto the snow. Manon's grandmother. "Pathetic. As pathetic as your mother." A sneer toward Glennis. "And your father."
The snarl that ripped from Manon's throat rang across the mountains themselves.
Her grandmother let out a crow's caw of a laugh. "Is that all you can do, then? Snarl like a dog and swing your sword like some human filth? We will wear you down eventually. Better to kneel now and die with some honor intact." Manon only flung out an iron-tipped hand behind her, fingers splaying in demand as her eyes remained fixed on the Matrons.
Dorian reached for Damaris, but Bronwen moved first.
The Crochan tossed her sword, steel flashing over snow and sun.
Manon's fingers closed on the hilt, the blade singing as she whipped it around to face the High Witches again. "Rhiannon Crochan held the gates for three days and three nights, and she did not kneel before you, even at the end." A slash of a smile. "I think I shall do the same." Dorian could have sworn the sacred flame burning to their left flared brighter. Could have sworn Glennis sucked in a breath. That every Crochan watching did the same.
Manon's knees bent, swords rising. "Let us finish what was started then, too." She attacked, blades flashing.
Her grandmother conceded step after step, the other two Matrons failing to break past her defenses.
Gone was the witch who had slept and wished for death. Gone was the witch who had raged at the truth that had torn her to shreds.
And in her place, fighting as if she were the very wind, unfaltering against the Matrons, stood someone Dorian had not yet met.
Stood a queen of two peoples.
Yielding only those few steps, and nothing more.
Because Manon with conviction in her heart, with utter fearlessness in her eyes, was wholly unstoppable.
The other two witches had fallen back, as if waiting to see what might happen.
But she yielded no further ground. A wall against which the Yellowlegs Matron could not advance. The crone let out a snarl, attacking again and again, senseless and raging.
Dorian saw the trap the moment it happened.
No one seemed to breathe at all as Manon plunged Bronwen's sword into the icy earth beneath and bent to take the crown of stars from the Yellowlegs witch's fallen head.
He had never seen a crown like it.
A living, glowing thing that glittered in her hand. As if nine stars had been plucked from the heavens and set to shine along the simple silver band.
The crown's light danced over Manon's face as she lifted it above her head and set it upon her unbound white hair.
Even the mountain wind stopped.
Yet a phantom breeze shifted the strands of Manon's hair as the crown glowed bright, the white stars shining with cores of cobalt and ruby and amethyst.
As if it had been asleep for a long, long time. And now awoke.
That phantom wind pulled Manon's hair to the side, silver strands brushing across her face.
And beside him, around him, the Thirteen touched two fingers to their brow in deference.
In allegiance to the queen who stared down the two remaining High Witches.
The Crochan Queen, crowned anew.
The sacred fire leaped and danced, as if in joyous welcome.
"Go."
The Blueblood witch blinked, eyes wide with what could only be fear and dread.
Manon jerked her chin toward the wyvern waiting behind the witch. "Tell your daughter all debts between us are paid. And she may decide what to do with you. Take that other wyvern out of here."
Spared by the Crochan Queen on behalf of the daughter who had given Manon the gift of speaking to the Ironteeth.
Within seconds, the Blueblood Matron was in the skies, the Yellowlegs witch's wyvern soaring beside her.
Leaving Manon's grandmother alone.
Leaving Manon with swords raised and a crown of stars glowing upon her brow.
Manon was glowing, as if the stars atop her head pulsed through her body. A wondrous and mighty beauty, like no other in the world. Like no one had ever been, or would be again.
And slowly, as if savoring each step, Manon stalked toward her grandmother.
Warm, dancing light flowed through her, as unfaltering as what had poured into her heart these past few bloody minutes.
She did not balk. Did not fear.
The crown's weight was slight, like it had been crafted of moonlight. Yet its joyous strength was a song, undimming before the sole High Witch left standing.
So Manon kept walking.
She left Bronwen's sword a few feet away.
Left Wind-Cleaver several feet past that.
Iron nails out, teeth ready, Manon paused barely five steps from her grandmother.
A hateful, wasted scrap of existence. That's what her grandmother was.
She had never realized how much shorter the Matron stood. How narrow her shoulders were, or how the years of rage and hate had withered her.
Manon's smile grew. And she could have sworn she felt two people standing at her shoulder.
She knew no one would be there if she looked. Knew no one else could see them, sense them, standing with her. Standing with their daughter against the witch who had destroyed them.
Her grandmother spat on the ground, baring her rusted teeth.
This death, though ...
It was not her death to claim.
It did not belong to the parents whose spirits lingered at her side, who might have been there all along, leading her toward this. Who had not left her, even with death separating them.
No, it did not belong to them, either.
She looked behind her. Toward the Second waiting beside Dorian.
Tears slid down Asterin's face. Of pride- pride and relief.
Manon beckoned to Asterin with an iron- tipped hand.
Manon raised a hand. "Let her go."
When there was no trace of the Matrons left but blue blood and a headless corpse staining the snow, Manon turned toward the Crochans.
Their eyes were wide, but they made no move.
The Thirteen remained where they were, Dorian with them.
Manon scooped up both swords, sheathing Wind-Cleaver across her back, and stalked toward where Glennis and Bronwen stood, monitoring her every breath.
Wordlessly, Manon handed Bronwen her sword, nodding in thanks.
Then she removed the crown of stars and extended it toward Glennis. "This belongs to you," she said, her voice low.
The Crochans murmured, shifting.
Glennis took the crown, and the stars dimmed. A small smile graced the crone's face.
"No," she said, "it does not."
Manon didn't move as Glennis lifted the crown and set it again on Manon's head.
Then the ancient witch knelt in the snow.
"What was stolen has been restored; what was lost has come home again. I hail thee, Manon Crochan, Queen of Witches."
Manon stood fast against the tremor that threatened to buckle her legs.
Stood fast as the other Crochans, Bronwen with them, dropped to a knee. Dorian, standing amongst them, smiled, brighter and freer than she'd ever seen.
And then the Thirteen knelt, two fingers going to their brows as they bowed their heads, fierce pride lighting their faces.
"Queen of Witches," Crochan and Blackbeak declared as one voice.
As one people.
#Chapter 55#Chapter 56#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Manon Blackbeak#Dorian Havilliard#Manorian#Asterin Blackbeak#The Thirteen#first read#read along#read with me#no spoilers please#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 56 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#The witches-alone-Morath-Glennis-Petrah why-donât be poisoned-THE CROWN-her braid-their hatred & fear yet her forward#beyond what we give-is that a wyrdmark?-she would not-she would stand-not then but now becuase a cause-SHE WAS NOT AFRAID#he listened to her/believed in her-they did not tremble-they did not yield-she would not kneel-they came for her too-for them she did this#THE SWORD-uh yeah same-GONE WAS THAT WITCH-from the flame-AND HERE WAS THE LAST CROCHAN QUEEN-I love her#the wind answered-a queen of two people-convinction in her hearts fearless in her eyes and utterly unstoppable-you went for me#well Ansel said-SHE CROWNED HERSELF-matching crowns?-a phantom breeze the chill-the witch queen brow bow-thatâs what she learned#they ran from her-mercy?-a debt-and one paid-true queens rising-a literal Star-not her death to claim-Asterin-manon I fucking love you#itâs yours-QUEEN OF WITCHES-Dorian smiledđĽš-him watching his wife like same-he is us-short king-Iltsm#A sign enough of their intentions if her grandmother's hair was in that plait. Battle. Annihilation.âHAIR HOLDS POWER PEOPLE#Manon Kin-Slayer⌠a real rich name coming from her#because YOU are afraid-I kept reading peachy nonsense lol-chills-Iâm gonna go cry-I love her#A blade through the world-shorter-bi bbs-the way she knows-it's a mate thing I swear-I'm not anyone's-#if you want someone who will allow that then ur wrong-shell keep him alive-double lines in the sand-your afraid-the word majesty#not back not now-a queen-a true queen against the world-afraid of everything-home?-HOLY SHIT RUN-mother matron crone#You're afraid-I will not be afraid-coward-the fear of fear-run now-hold the line-retreat and live-Youâre afraid. Yes she was. Of everything#Fly Well they've run for a long time they know-but she would not-the truth time
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Okay Dean âYou know I am not much for prayinâ âcause in my book itâs the same as begginââ and âI prayed to you, Cas, every nightâ Winchester, I see you.
#destiel#deancas#dean winchester#supernatural#just thinking my little thoughts#donât look at me Iâm having a moment#something something no greater devotion than that to his brother who heâs praying for in the former yet this implies#the same love and desperation fueling that must apply to Cas too#do y'all see what I'm saying? does the connection make sense?#especially s8 going forward Dean often takes the cake for toxicity Iâm sorry itâs just true. HOWEVER. we need to talk about the softness#that man shows to Cas in this season specifically.#for ex: after Cas sternly shuts him down in 8x08 he doesn't get defensive and snap back like Dean often does#he goes over and sits on the bed across from cas and softly says 'talk to me.' like i'm sorry? has dean ever said that??#not that i recall. usually it's smthg like 'are you ok? no? that's rough buddy. shove it down.' bc that's what he was taught#and mid-end of the prior season though his âdonât tell Cas the truthâ plan was not great it was pretty clear imo how deeply happy he was#just to have cas back. broken or not heâd rather have him. .#I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say that's why we're in the tags but it's just something about how Cas deeply betrayed them and we#know how intensely Dean can hold a grudge yet when they get Cas back Dean's softer with him than he ever was before.#and then searches monster land high and low for him even after Cas abandons him#and connecting the former and latter quotes up there it's pretty clear how deep that devotion runs#(platonically or romantically. to each their own reading. and not always healthily.)#because he's as well as admitted he begged for Cas in purgatory. every. night.#Dean 'I don't pray bc i don't beg and I'm not weak'#Dean 'I would do anything for sam so i'll beg for help'#Dean 'I prayed to you. I killed my way to you. did you hear my prayers?'#it's just really somethin'.#I have to wonder if Cas knows how big that is. He must right?#(for my own tags)#dean#spn s8
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Goodbye Mandela Catalogue community
I am writing this post in light of recent (now proven to be false, READ THE EDIT DIPSHIT) accusations against the creator of the series that I (as a once fanartist) have made the decision to fully abandon TMC fandom altogether, this means that there will be no new artworks, no reblogs of my older works, no slight interaction with fan content from other people, NOTHING.
Which yeah, as someone who has gotten fame from it on this site (and good memories for that matter) , it fucking sucks. It sucks that the creator of a certain thing that you once loved, turned out to be a rotten, piece-of-shit person, it just sucks.
If you're here to like my posts related to it, it's up to you if you wanna stay here longer (assuming you don't support him), but if you continue to support him and everything he stands for after the callout doc came out, then GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BLOG!!! DON'T INTERACT WITH ME, AT ALL!!! Infact, you can feel free to block me if you want to.
At the end of the day, we have to accept that a big and pretty impactful creator, who we considered as an idol to us, is very likely to become a horrible person in one way or another. It's an inevitable fate, yeah.. We've seen this before, and it will happen again in the future and there's nothing we can do besides calling then out on their behaviour and listen to the victims...
Those 3 paragraphs above are now outdated as SHIT, DO NOT READ THESE... But alas.. It's time for me to move on from this..
Goodbye....
EDIT (31/03/2024): Turns out, Alex Kister was proven innocent and the accusations in the doc are FALSE.... so I take back what I just wrote in paragraph 2-4 don't read these. They aged like an absolutely SPOILED MILK. Still I'm not gonna associate myself with this fandom anymore due to the life-ruining, yet fake accusations V3n threw onto Alex out of nowhere. They've ruined my enjoyment of this series and being in the fandom in general >:|.
I'm kinda glad I didn't delete my fanart works, but still I'm not reblogging them anyway I wanna move on.
#Not art related#the mandela catalogue#This is going to be my VERY last post on this fandom and after this I'll be completely gone from this fandom.....#Goodbye forever mandela catalogue community... We've had a good run...#But everything has to have an ending at one point.... And this one is a Bad ending...#If i say so myself#Lil addition tag from 17/03/2024: I had to add some stuff in the second-to-last paragraph I hope you don't mind that#EDIT 31/03/2024: It appears Alex was proven innocent all along so whoever stopped interracting with me you can go unblock me/ go back..#... to interacting with my posts now..#This post was written in a time where the accusation were new and too good to be true and everyone (+me) though Alex was a bad guy....#We did a big oopsie my people...#idk I'll prolly delete this post whenever I feel like it...
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getting gnc with it out & about at math meetup (or wherever)
#of course you have a zillion idea for faves' Looks. & also simultaneously none; if you're me#here's one: just the combo Different But Overlapping W/More Usual approach#easy to imagine winston Stays comfy to a sufficient degree &/or oft sticks to a Default kind of outfit approach. but anything's possible#like shaking things up gently for taylor too. always appropriate. ideal person from work to run into; as is often true#they can't make you link up that little taylor sketch w/any Sequence here. it can be its own independent taylor reaction lol#w/their slightly raised shoulders / all the more elevated [expressions i particularly like] it creates momentum like#well now i'd go and elevate winston's [expressions i particularly like] even more lol. the Especially Enjoyed trademarks/classics....#and of course we do not have winston running into taylor without Also being đđł about it. what's Ever going on around here#tayston#winston billions#corned beef#winston's little a gnc with it even just in his tees & cargo pants. no normativity out here. genderdivergent & neurononconforming#i Did move to add sparkly gold eyeliner?shadow? take your pick b/c [Autistacity Shoutout]#taylor's outfit coloration based on [picked a medium grey like a tanktop akd had] & then was going to have spun off from a deep purple or#more like the burgundy taylor wears but a much lighter color would've just been more helpful w/all the Other lighter colors; like the lines#namely the lines showing up against it....so; stunningly; a bit more light blue for us all lol#another moment of pencil lineart but this time drawn today vs months ago. some digital editing; all digital coloring#as inaccessibly discussed prior....epic highs & triumphs of spontaneous sorts of [existing outside work's hostile environment] meetups#yes this is hoodie vs hoodie moments (they would never fight) (they may kiss???) (go back several tags & peruse things)
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As a follow-up on Ari's never-ending musical tour, it appears Steam just decided to stop counting my progress at 17/100, and refuses to update it past that, because the morning after the romance scene, I decided to go ahead and try to hit up the Underdark (and the Blighted Village) that I had forgotten to serenade while in Act 1, and got so many gold pieces from people who she had not played for previously.
Unlike those plebs in Moonrise Towers, mushroom people are really into the lute.
As is this doomed wannabe kidnapper from the Society of Brilliance:
(don't worry why Astarion was hiding. I was trying to save her and her asshole friends' future asses by stealing back the owlbear egg I'd swindled her into taking, but even when Astarion succeeded and started to sneak away she was like "BITCH GIMME THAT BACK" so have fun dying jerk! But... at least she tips better than the Harpers)
Then headed back to the Blighted Village, which I somehow had missed completely while dragging my feet in Act 1, and performed for all the goblins. They enjoyed our traveling show, and had some, erm. Interesting suggestions.
I, uh, am sure it makes an interesting xylaphone-like sound. But I think I'll pass.
Confirmed: Ari's lute playing is more entertaining than watching ogre porn
Thanks I guess? Also we might be forever banned from the Emerald Grove for reasons, but don't worry about that. It's not important.
#we can't go back to the emerald grove#apparently ari picking up a book NOT OUTLINED IN RED#made the two jerk druids really mad#it was not owned by anyone i swear!!#and they just started following her around#shouting THIEF THIEF#even after she put it back#if i ever do an evil run#(which is not likely but still)#the FIRST DRUID TO GO is that isolationist jerk#also ari got hit in the head this time with a piece of gold traveling at mach 5 (but her ac is high enough it was fine no hp lost)#the tadfools back at it again (in true form)#we also wound up doing the prison break (which is an entire post of its own)#(because that went hilariously and badly wrong)#apparently steam stopping the counting at some random number early on is happening to a lot of people#and SUPPOSEDLY they just suddenly get it whenever you actually get to 100 in-game#apparently act 3 it's pretty easy to hit the number so there's that#ari's musical adventures#grey's bg3 tag#bg3 posting#bg3 spoilers#ari's og campaign
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mgsv has so many literary references to books i have essays abt it kind of makes me.
#i'm sick this is my slightly fever-induced thought stream in the rest of the tags sorry ->#all the 1984 stuff is really interesting. the position of both ocelot and kaz as the people running room 101 is really fascinating.#because it somehow manages to place huey in the position of winston while also having venom be in the position of winston.#<- would that make quiet julia? actually yes it does bc of her nature motifs.#and the whole game seems to doublethink of whats real and what isn't. though it starts to tell you what isn't real its still there.#and then with moby dick you have pequod which is just. the ship. and queegueg who is ishmaels friend. which is why its kind of perfect he i#the other pilot we see who takes kaz places. and theres other stuff with him but i don't want to get into that. i could go on for a while.#but whats interesting is that ahab seems to apply more to kaz than it does to venom. esp because his own deception results in his downfall.#whereas that isn't true with venom if youve played mg1 he just kinda keeps going with it to at least some degree.#and i guess kaz is working for foxhound but you know what i mean.#ocelot even being the perfect counterpart to starbuck who works at kaz's side but disagrees with his methods to an extreme.#he isn't of the same morals as starbuck but its just the oppositional character type.#does that mean cipher is moby dick. yes actually bc of the leg thing with kaz. oh my god.#<- funny enough i am actually getting moby dick back out of the library bc i never finished it and its been ages since i read what i did.#i remember the narration being kind of nuts.#honestly the lord of the flies stuff feels less like a reference and more like eli read that book and decided he wanted to do it irl. lol.#i can't say these books are even close to being favorites but i'm intimately familiar with both 1984 and lotf so those are. those.#and moby dick is genuinely just kind of. what in the hell did i experience. theres a lot to unpack.#and i didn't even finish the damn thing.#ok i'm done now i just needed to get that out of my system. now i'm off to read veniss underground. đ#.txt
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average day on the ISS Diclops
#the perspective looks weird because araza is big (that's the firime's name)#i don't have too much faith in my art skills but goddamn it ânot what i askedâ was in my head for weeks#let's get the tags out of the way#meteos#art#digital art#geolyte#firim#florias#oc: phlox#oc: finn#ok here we go#floriasian phlox (he/him): tortured by petal premonitions of the deaths of individuals around him.#wants to get himself downloaded to wiral so he never dies.#he is very normal (lie)#geolyte finn (she/her): ditched her shitty office job to fuck around in a spaceship. official captain#has precognitive dreams. has done tests to confirm this. is absolutely convinced of it.#she is very normal (somewhat true)#firime araza (he/she): runs the ship's magma engine. one of the two on the ship who actually knows what he's doing#genuinely concerned about finn and her leadership. practically the captain with how much she does for the ship#she is very normal (truth)#and the two currently unnamed boggobians#one of whom is a licensed therapist (she/it)#and the other is essentially a med student (they/them)#and as a final note: how the fuck do floriasians walk. like how am i supposed to depict that
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*collapses on the floor and starts having visions (new fic ideas)*
#godsrambles#godsficideas#tags essay#the idea is: in his early portal travel days. ford thinks he has discovered a way to quickly and easily confront and kill bill#it sounds almost too good to be true. but he has to try.#the random alien stranger/s who sold him this 'opportunity' for a high price are like 'ok. setting up the death ray now. brb'#'meanwhile a portal to bills dimension will start opening up. its safe youll be fine.'#so ford is sitting in this tiny storage room place with an alleged portal to the nightmare realm slowly opening up before his eyes.#and bill is on the other side of the so-called 'portal.' he can look right back at ford. fords like 'hmm i hate this actually im going'#turns out the door is locked. fords first thought is 'uh oh they sold me out to bill it was all a trick'. but bill is unable to reach him.#it isnt even a portal. its just a glorified interdimensional video call. they locked the door to give them enough time to run off#before ford realized the scam. so bill laughs at him for a min. and then they have a conversation. ford finally asks 'Why??'#'why would you ruin my life??'. and bill kinda. obliges him just this once. drops his cheerful annoying act just this once.#and answers him plainly and honestly 'I didnt. i didnt try to ruin your life. it never even crossed my mind how your life could be affected#'it was all a means to an end. i wasnt ever out to get you. you never factored in at all beyond your use for making the portal.'#'i never even thought about you when we werent interacting. not even once. you think i had some big evil scheme that youre at the center of#'youre insignificant to me. all that happened was: you fell for a scam.'#'will the guys who locked you in here ever think about you again? theyve probably forgotten your face and name already.'#'im not out to get you. i just want my job finished. the same way those guys just wanted their money.'#the bottom line of the convo being: bill really *doesnt* give a single fuck. and ford never mattered to him.#not even enough for him to *think* about ford every now and then.#fords holding a grudge against a guy who barely even remembers him.#obviously this goes against my interpretation of canon but it would still be fun to write#au where bill Truly doesnt care about ford in any way and isnt even interested by him at all#the inspiration for this was just the concept of: how crushing the realization would be for ford#the horror of realizing exactly how insignificant you are in the eyes of the eldritch being that ruined your life#i am willing to write something that feels ooc for bill when it is for angst purposes lmao#indifferent-eldritch-being bill is such an angsty concept. very fun to explore#an ao3 fic called 'the bolt that busted off the lever' (iirc) has this interpretation of bill and it is great#bill looking *bored* while interacting with ford??? absolutely heartbreaking concept 10/10
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#my boo is an aries#aries x libra was always gonna be intense but i don't want the end to be dramatic#in all honesty i dont want to go through the end of it at all but it has to come at some point#i dont think either of us are fulfilled in this relationship#but for some reason neither of us ever fuck off for long#before we come back to eachother again#its been three fucking years and its exactly like it was six months in#he was having a go at me because i said i didnt think we are in a position to have a baby yet and ima wait til im married to pip another out#apparently hes wasting his time if thats the case#like ok bye if youre not in it for the long run why would u even knowingly bring a child in to that situation#i stilll feel so guilty that i couldnt give my daughter a 2 parent upbringing#im still not sure it wss the right thing to do#for my own sanity i know i couldnt keep living like i was but for my bb she would have had everything she could ever have wanted#ive made our lives harder by having to be true to myself and i love being able to live authentically and not having to pretwnd to be someone#that im not#idk im stonef and lost my train of thought wnd cant read that tag back now so idk lifes just complicated isnt it#i feel like no matter what choices you make theyre always gonna hurt a little#one way or the other#its gonna hurt#aaa
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 63
Chapter; highlighted
Aedion and Kyllian kept their panicking troops in line as they marched, all the way to the banks of the Florine.
There was no use running northward. Not when the bone drums began pounding. And grew louder with every passing minute that Aedion ordered their legion into formation.
Stalking for the front lines, his armor so heavy it could have been made of stone, the lack of the ancient sword at his side like some phantom limb, Aedion said to Ren, "I need you to do me a favor."
Ren, buckling on his quiver, didn't bother to look up. "Don't tell me to run."
"Never." Close-they were so close to Theralis. How fitting it would have been to at last die on the field where Terrasen had fallen a decade ago. To have his blood soak into the earth where so many of the court he'd loved had died, for his bones to join theirs, unmarked on the plain.
"I need you to call for aid."
Ren looked up then. His scarred face was leaner than it had been weeks ago. When was the last time any of them had a proper meal? Or full night's rest? Where Lysandra was, what form she wore, Aedion didn't know. He had not sought her out last night, and she had stayed away from him entirely.
"I'm no one now," Aedion said, the lines of soldiers parting for them. Bane and Fae, Silent Assassin and Wendlynian and Wastes-hailing soldier alike. "But you are Lord of Allsbrook.
Send out messengers. Send out Nox Owen. Call for aid. Dispatch them to every direction, to anyone they might find. Tell Nox and the others to beg if they have to, but tell them to say that Terrasen calls for aid."
Only Aelin had the authority to do so, or Darrow and his council, but Aedion didn't care.
Ren halted, and Aedion paused with him, well aware of the soldiers within earshot. Of the Fae hearing many possessed. Endymion and Sellene already stood by the front line of the left flank, their faces grave and weary. A home that was what they'd lost, what they now fought to gain. If any should survive this. What would his father make of his son, fighting alongside his people at last?
"Will anyone come?" Ren asked, aware of those listening ears, too. Aware of the grim faces that remained with them, despite the death that marched at their backs.
Aedion fitted his helmet onto his head, the metal bitingly cold. "None came ten years ago. But maybe someone will bother this time."
Ren gripped his arm, tugging him close. "There might be nothing left to defend, Aedion."
"Send out the call anyway." He jerked his chin to the lines they'd passed through. Ilias was polishing his blades amongst a cluster of his father's assassins, his attention pinned on the enemy ahead. Preparing to make a final stand on this snowy plain so far from his warm desert. "You insist I'm still your general? Then here's my final order. Call for aid."
A muscle feathered in Ren's jaw. But he said, "Consider it done." Then he was gone.
They didn't bother with good-byes. Their luck was bad enough.
So Aedion continued, alone, to the front lines. Two Bane soldiers stepped aside to make room, and Aedion hefted up his shield, seamlessly fitting it between their unified front.
The metal wall against which Morath would strike first, and hardest.
The snows swirled, veiling all beyond a hundred or so feet.
Yet the bone drums pounded louder. Soon the earth shook beneath marching feet.
Their final stand, here on an unnamed field before the Florine. How had it come to this?
Aedion drew his sword, the other soldiers following suit, the cry of ringing metal cutting through the howling wind Morath appeared, a line of solid black emerging from the snow.
Each foot they gained, more appeared behind. How far back was that witch tower?
How soon would its power be unleashed?
He prayed, for the sake of his soldiers, that it would be quick, and relatively painless. That they would not know much fear before they were blasted into ashes.
The Bane didn't clash their swords on their shields this time.
There was only the marching of Morath, and the drums.
Had they gone to Orynth when Darrow demanded, they would have made it. Had time to cross the bridge, or take the northern route.
This defeat, these deaths, rested upon his shoulders alone.
Down the line, motion caught his eye-just as a fuzzy, massive head poked between Prince Galan and one of his remaining soldiers. A ghost leopard.
Green eyes slid toward him, drained and bleak.
Aedion looked away first. This would be bad enough without knowing she was here. That Lysandra would undoubtedly stay until she, too, fell.
He prayed he went first. So he wouldn't witness it.
Morath drew close enough that Ren's order to the archers rang out.
Arrows flew, fading into the snows.
Morath sent an answering volley that blotted out the watery light.
"We fight as one," Aedion called down the line, "We die as one."
A horn blared from deep within the enemy ranks. Morath began its all-out run on their front line.
Aedion's boots dug into the mud as he braced his shield arm. Like it could possibly hold back the tide stretching into the horizon.
He counted his breaths, knowing they were limited. A ghost leopard's snarl ripped down the line, a challenge to the charging army.
Fifty feet. Ren's archers still fired fewer and fewer arrows. Forty. Thirty. The sword in his hand was no equal to the ancient blade he'd worn with such pride. But he'd make it work. Twenty. Ten. Aedion sucked in a breath. The black, depthless eyes of the Morath soldiers became clear beneath their helmets.
Morath's front line angled their swords, their spearsâ
Roaring fire blasted from the left flank. His left flank.
Aedion didn't dare take his focus off the enemy upon him, but several of the Morath soldiers did.
He slaughtered them for it. Slaughtered their stunned companions, too, as they whirled toward another blast of flame.
Aelin. Aelinâ
Soldiers behind him shouted. In triumph and relief.
"Close the gap," Aedion growled to the warriors on either side of him, and pulled back enough to see the source of their salvation, free and sate at lastâ
It was not Aelin who unleashed fire upon the left flank. It was not Aelin at all who had crept up through the snow-veiled river.
Ships filled the Florine, near-ghosts in the swirling snows. Some bore the banners of their united fleet.
But many, so many he couldn't count, bore a cobalt flag adorned with a green sea dragon.
Rolfe's fleet. The Mycenians.
Yet there was no sign of the ancient sea dragons who had once gone into battle with them. Only human soldiers marched across the snow, each bearing a familiar-looking contraption, scarves over their mouths.
Firelances.
A horn blasted from the river. And then the firelances unleashed white-hot flame into Morath's ranks, as if they were plumes from hell. Dragons, all of them, spewing fire upon their enemy.
Flame melted armor and flesh. And burned the demons that dreaded heat and light.
As if they were farmers burning their reaped fields for the winter, Rolfe's Mycenians marched onward, firelances spewing, until they formed a line between Aedion and their enemy.
Morath turned and ran.
Outright sprinted, their warning cries rising above the bellowing flames. The Fire-Bringer has armed them! Her power burns anew!
The fools did not realize that there was no magic-none beyond pure luck and good timing.
Then a familiar voice rang out. "Quickly! On board, all of you!" Rolfe.
For the ships in the river had pulled up, gangways lowered and rowboats already at the shore.
Aedion wasted no time. "To the river! To the fleet!" Their soldiers didn't hesitate. They sprinted for the awaiting armada, onto any ship they could reach, leaping into the longboats. Chaotic and messy, but with Morath on retreat for only the gods knew how long, he didn't care.
Aedion kept his position at the front line, ensuring no soldier lagged behind.
Down the line, Prince Galan and a spotted, furry form did the same. Beside them, red hair waving in the wind, Ansel of Briarcliff held her sword pointed at their enemy. Tears slid down her freckled cheeks. The heads of her men lay scattered in the snow around her.
And ahead of them, still unleashing flame, Rolfe's Mycenians bought them the time to retreat.
Each second dripped by, but slowly, those boats filled. Slowly, their army left the shore, every boat that departed was replaced by another. Many Fae shifted, birds of prey filling the gray sky as they soared over the river.
And when there were none left but a few boats, among them a beautiful ship with a mast carved after an attacking sea dragon, Rolfe roared from the helm, "Fall back, all of you!" The Mycenians and their firelances made a quick retreat, hurrying for the longboats returning to shore.
Lysandra and Ansel ran with them, and Aedion followed suit. It was the longest sprint of his life.
But then he was at the gangplank of Rolfe's ship, the river deep enough that they'd been able to pull up close to the shore. Lysandra, Galan, and Ansel were already past him, and Aedion had barely cleared the deck when the gangway was lifted. Below, around, the Mycenians leaped into their longboats and rowed like hell. Not a single soldier left behind.
Only the dead.
Light flashed, and Aedion whirled toward the ship's helm in time to see Lysandra shift from ghost leopard to woman, naked as the day she was born. Rolte, to his credit, only looked mildly surprised as she flung her arms around his neck. And to his credit once more, the Pirate Lord wrapped his cloak around her before he gripped her back
Rolfe let go of Lysandra, offering her his cloak completely. As the shifter wrapped it around herself, he said, "You looked like you were in need of a rescue."
Aedion only embraced the man, then nodded toward Rolfe's gloved hands. "I assume we have that map of yours to thank."
"Turns out it's good for something other than plundering." Rolfe smirked. "Ravi and Sol of Suria intercepted us near the northern border," he admitted. "They thought you might be in troubleâ-and sent us this way." He ran a hand through his hair. "They remain with what's left of your fleet, guarding the coast. If Morath attacks from the sea, they won't have enough ships to stand a chance. I told them that, and they still ordered me here." The Pirate Lord's tan face tightened. "So here I am."
Aedion hardly noticed the sailors and soldiers making the quick sailing to the other side of the river. "Thank you," he breathed. And thank the gods for Ravi and Sol.
Rolfe shook his head, gazing toward the mass of Morath soldiers still retreating. "We surprised them, but it won't hold them off for long."
Lysandra stepped to Rolfe's side. Aedion tried not to cringe at the sight of her bare feet and legs, her uncovered shoulders, as the bitter wind off the river bit at them. "We only need to get to Orynth and behind its walls. From there, we can regroup."
"I can't carry your entire army to Orynth," Rolfe said, gesturing to the soldiers massed on the far shore. "But I can bear you there now, if you would like to arrive in advance to prepare." The Pirate Lord studied the shore, as if looking for someone. "She's not here, is she." Lysandra shook her head. "No."
"Then we'll make do," was all Rolfe said, the portrait of cool command. His sea-green eyes slid to where Ansel of Briarcliff stood at the ship's rail, staring toward the field of heads left in the snow.
None of them spoke as the young queen slid to her knees, armor thunking on the deck, and bowed her head.
Aedion murmured, "Let me send word to our troops to march to Orynth, and then we'll sail for the city."
"I'll do it," Lysandra said, not looking at him. She didn't bother to say anything else.
Cloak falling to the planks, she shifted into a falcon and aimed for where Kyllian now climbed out of a longboat. They exchanged only a few words before Kyllian turned toward Aedion and lifted a hand in farewell.
Aedion raised one in answer, and then Lysandra shifted again. When she landed on the ship, returning to her human form and snatching up the cloak, it was to Ansel that she walked.
In silence, the shifter laid a hand on the queen's armored shoulder. Ansel didn't so much as glance up. Aedion asked Rolfe, "How many of those firelances do you have?"
The Pirate Lord drew his gaze from Ansel to the black mass fading behind them. His mouth tightened. "Not enough to outlast a siege."
And even the firelances would do nothing, absolutely nothing, once the witch towers reached Orynth's walls.
#Chapter 63#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Aedion Ashryver#no spoilers please#first read#read with me#read along#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 63 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#TERRASEN CALLS FOR AIDâfull circle momentâonly this time they all come & fight to get there WITH THE TRUE QUEEN#Florine!river or person?-Run! Never!-Theralis another book we need-MAKE THE CALL-NOX!-A horn-The assassins all together full circle#Lysandra is Ren-nope wrong theory okay-No-the voice-Ansel-GET TO ORYNTH-Prayed to go first oh Aedion-The army-No-Spatter#downpour bad bad bad no!-We fight We die As one-Roaring-Aelin?AELIN?!-They went and didnât tell us so they could appear like this!#A PROPER ENTRANCE-on ur leftđ-was it Aelinâs scream?no.-Essar-ROLFE-for onceTHANK YOU-CHILLLLS-Dragons-Fire lances#The fire bringer-luck-The bridge-again so many birds of prey-no one left-her hug-I will-who who?-Surprise-Sheâs not here.-Ravi-sol#The Pirate Lord Heir of the Mycenians Captain Rolfe
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do you mind if i ramble in the tags about my weird relationship with making art in fandom for a second
#as someone who is studying art as a career one thing i have realized and also been explicitly told by various teachers#is the fact that having a 'consistent' art style is so overvalued sometimes that it ends up limiting you as an artist#literally i'd say 99 percent of the stuff we do in uni doesn't require consistency. it's actually valued when there isn't one#after all it is about learning and honing skills isn't it#so it has kind of put my personal conflicts in a different perspective#because before i started this degree i used to struggle so much with creation in non-academic spaces (which is pretty ironic. i know)#because the ppl and art i admired was mostly composed of art in fandom spaces#and the most appreciated artists in these spaces tend to be the ones who have a nice defined unique style#which isn't bad. i actually do still wish i could reach something like that#but it made me not want to create as much as i desired because i felt 'inconsistent' and i took that as a negative quality in my art#and it was so frustrating because nothing i tried seemed to 'stick'#which was also due to the fact that none of the varyingly different styles of drawings i posted seemed to reach many people#and yes i have heard time and again the whole schpiel of 'creating for yourself is better and quantity of likes/notes shouldn't mean as muc#to you as long as you're satisfied with your art blah blah blah'â c'mon. we all want our creations to be admired i'm tired of pretending#like i don't. i put it out there for a reason and it is for people to at least acknowledge it. it's the point of fandom. it's community#it's interaction. or at least it should be. that's another conversation though#so anyways since i started uni some time ago this frustration has been receding but it's very much still present#even more so when i get excited about doing/drawing something and then halfway through i get that pull in my chest of like. i'm actually#starting to hate it bc i can't reach what i want to#and so there's this disconnect that happens because i have many ideas and desires to create but i feel (even if it might not be true)#that i don't have the skillset to meet those ideas#which literally happens to almost if not everyone i know i'm not alone in this. it still sucks though#so i end up with about a dozen unfinished works monthly bc i start it/i reach halfway and hate it/i look at art and get inspired bc artists#in fandom are SO talented/i go back to it/i still can't reach the skill level i desperately want/i abandon it indefinitely#it's a horrible cycle that i really haven't been able to escape lately#it's also worse when you're at a time in your life when you don't actually have the opportunity or the time to try to achieve consistency#because you really just physically don't have the time to practice. which is the number one advice every good artist will give you#i am running out of tags but the point is. i hope we stop subconsciously putting consistent art styles in a higher pedestal bc it can be#very stressful for artists who struggle to find that in their creation#art related
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shifted gears like alright after the [lucifer the mysteries please] centered approach that found mostly Other Stuff, centering [blade gunnblade please], and already have found something new but in the "possibly inaccurate & probably irrelevant even if otherwise" vein as a review read through the wayback machine says: "perhaps none moreso than the gun toting android Blade Gunblade, perfectly embodied by Asia Kate Dillon. They even get an awesome heart-wrenching backstory." which is so far the singular mention that blade gunnblade is an android, however, reviewers can Just Say Things, so. i believe the blade gunnblade full backstory clip that's available is from pre 2015's run at the pit, & rather a previous run as serials at the flea (and the prop & setpiece differences if it was simply an alex seife understudy performance from 2015 would be: inexplicable) but i have to imagine that blade's peak tragic backstory ft. murdered wife & child would be very similar, & i guess it would be funny if they were just out & about living their ordinary life with a family like that while also an android, but. however i'll also give them that: mentioned a bit more often is that at least at some point kapow-i Becomes part android / referred to as a cyborg, thanks to the same character as in 2015 & prior's tragic backstory. i don't think this fun fact is like super constantly relevant or obvious, so i Could imagine something along the lines of blade getting the same treatment & it also not being particularly more relevant. or else the proximity of such concepts like "kapow-i's a cyborg, the serials run clip seems to refer to like 'we need this specific rando who is now blade to be injected with Ultimate Fighter elixir (& have their family killed. because) & people's whose bodies couldn't handle it are now kind of like funny little robots (cybernetically automated but with some personality)" & like blade we need you to be a fighting machine was thus sort of conflated lol. but maybe they're a cyborg like i think it happens a lot anyways
#blade gunnblade#difficulties: going okay not sure there's as comprehensive a cast list anywhere as the mysteries' program being available#which also wasn't fully comprehensive!#however there is plenty of overlap b/w the mysteries cast & the the pit kapow-i gogo marathon cast#thus some more recent blade gunnblade finds stemming from Looking For Lucifer#and also i have already done some [afaik cast member who Wasn't in both] rifling around for blade material so#but there's still some more digging to do. some [fb &/or ig accounts now deleted or privated] to press f for. got any pics#some ''damn someone who took some relevant production pics was ig tagged but their profile doesn't have their actual name#and also only has like 8 pics & they're all selfies like who are you''#both productions having More production pics out there i knowwww please....i want to See#also shoutout to another archived review's mention of a green strobelight & cowboy bebop's rain.mp3 used in a scene#''for devastating effect'' or impact re: the 2015 run like ya that was the blade gunnblade Devastation we have crucial 8 sec clip of....#filed away as a Maybe. but i don't imagine it would actually really affect things very much at all either way so#finally we understand mafee taylor's bestie like i always knew you were a killbot cyborg sicko....all for a coy lil blade gunnblade ref (:#pausing partway through this post like this can all be briefer....it Could be but i'm writing it. read my posts boy or don't#hmm for example this review also lists a director as ''joel stern'' which i'm 95% sure refers actually to joel soren so#but then also many other names are cited more accurately. yet still the one error there. that's where we're at#kapow-i gogo#asia kate dillon#perfectly embodied by! So true
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The himbo, malewife, goofball -fication of percy jackson is such a crime by both the fans and riordan. It has made Mr not like percabeth as a couple because in all posts and in later books annabeth is such a girlboss, while Percy's dumb and can't fight his way out of a paperbag without her. All the posts are about how annabeth will be an architect and percy would love to be a trophy husband.
Even the humor in the books went from Percy's sharp wit and snark to 'my pancakes can't drown because I'm a son of poseidon.'
And now this recommendation letter bullshit.
Honestly now I'd wish percy just separated from annabeth (but they remain best friends.) He stays home with his family, becomes a camp counselor, helps young demigods, holds God's accountable and eventually becomes a social activist. (I also dislike him doing something marine biology related. It's clear he hates academics but he always wants to help people. Him helping demigods and mortals is such a wholesome profession for him.)
I fully agree with the first half of this, though I slightly disagree with part of the latter.
The later-series and fanon mischaracterization of Percy is at least a solid 50% ableism minimum, full stop. He's being warped into a very stereotyped ADHD character and the exact reason why he's being characterized as "dumb" is because of ableism. Percy is a very intelligent character! That's exactly why he's so in sync with Annabeth and they're such a strong duo! It's just generally Annabeth is more book/academically smart.
I disagree with where you say he hates academics - because that's one of the common misconceptions about his character. Percy doesn't hate learning or academic subjects! He's not even bad at them! We know explicitly that when he is in an accommodating environment he is interested in learning and gets significantly better grades! Percy only dislikes school because it is generally an environment that systematically he struggles with. It's literally just he has a learning disability (two, actually)! That's it! When his learning disability is accommodated for he does well! It's almost like that's what accommodations are all about! We know this from the first series! It's discussed pretty in-depth! Percy isn't a dumb character and he doesn't hate learning, he's just been let down by school systems so much that he's inherently distrustful of them. If they actually accommodate him though then he does just fine!
And that's exactly what CHB was all about and why New Rome University was supposed to be such a big thing for him! CHB is a learning environment geared for demigods. NRU is a demigod college. Both inherently imply an environment meant to cater to and accommodate students with ADHD and dyslexia! They are both systematically structured to be able to accommodate him! Heck, CHB and CJ even both address in the wider themes of the series a metaphor about how ADHD and dyslexia are commonly seen as childhood disabilities, and how it can be more difficult to find accommodations into adulthood because of that attitude but those disabilities don't just go away - that's why CHB is a summer camp but they talk about how demigods outside of CHB don't often fare well. The metaphor there is those who are not getting help or accommodations are struggling. Because that's how that works! This is a fully intentional metaphor from the first series! CHB is never framed as being perfect for demigods, because one of the entire central conflicts of the series is Percy and Luke going back and forth about this flawed system meant to help and support them but still letting people fall through the cracks. The "claim your kids by 13" thing is a metaphor about how acknowledging a child's disabilities (and possibly getting a diagnosis) earlier/as early as possible means they will have more time to learn and build up resources and support for themselves to be able to use later in life. One of CHB's major flaws is that it can accommodate demigods to a certain point, but it can only do so much before those demigods have to leave (the metaphor being accommodating school systems when those disabled students do not have any other forms of accommodations in their lives.)
And that's why Camp Jupiter was framed as being so revolutionary for Percy because it had an environment acknowledging that this is not just a childhood disability, adults with ADHD/dyslexia exist too and still need and deserve accommodations, AND is a place where those accommodations are available. That's why Camp Jupiter and NRU are treated as such special and important things to Percy, because it's essentially Percy being shown this type of thing can and does exist and it is available to him. It is an option he never thought was possible. Percy never thought he'd be able to go to college because he would not be able to go through school without accommodations, but NRU proves otherwise.
The part that's absolutely stupid is Rick then proceeded to retcon NRU so that apparently it's not a full college and Percy still has to take classes at normal mortal college which DEFEATS THE ENTIRE PURPOSE OF NRU EXISTING. Rick has fully retconned that demigods struggle past the ages of 16-18 when they're on their own (see above elaborated metaphors) and in doing so we have fully killed all symbolism in literally all of that. It's so stupid. And by having the plot of the CoTG trilogy entirely be that Percy is not actually allowed access to NRU in the first place because he is a son of Poseidon and has to do extra to even be accepted is stupid!
All that to say, I agree the marine biology feels like a huge cop-out and a disservice to his character by reducing him to just a son of Poseidon. The literal only reason why it's the default option people take for him is because oh, fish thing, fish guy. But I feel like everyone ignores the really obvious answer for what Percy would want to do which is - writing. Both his parents are writers/authors and he clearly admires that about them. Percy likes telling stories! He canonically is already a published author in-universe! That's what the books ARE in-universe! The first series fully exists in their universe and Percy is the author! This is explicit canonical information! Percy canonically has help physically writing it down (accommodations) but he is still the credited author! Percy is a writer! Already! Canonically! Why are we making him a marine biologist he already has a profession that ties into his character significantly more. Like you said, Percy likes helping people. That's what the books in-universe are supposed to be for! It's point blank at the beginning of the series! Book one! The thing everybody quotes all the time! The books exist because it is Percy trying to give advice to other demigods who don't know what's going on yet! It's Percy's writing down his experiences to help new demigods understand and contextualize their experiences so they can understand themselves better and figure out what's going on - WHICH IN ITSELF IS ALSO A METAPHOR ABOUT ADHD/DYSLEXIA! Because the core of the series has and always will be built around ADHD/dyslexia! Percy as a protagonist EXPLICITLY was created so that ADHD/dyslexic kids could see themselves as a hero!
Sorry that all was a very tangential rant but my point being: Absolutely. Percy in newer stuff in the franchise and in fanon is horrifically mischaracterized in ways that are functionally either fully ableist (shoutout TSATS for just outright claiming Percy is intentionally lazy and skips school out of disinterest, which is like the number one ableist attitude towards kids with learning disabilities) or a complete erasure of Percy's disabilities. Also I think he should be a writing major not a marine biologist.
#percy jackson#prev tags ->#i'm holding a microphone up to this post#i loathe the âpercy doesn't care abt schoolâ bc literally in the first book he wants to do well bc mr brunner believes in him...#which makes it abundantly clear that percy's problem is that he's not getting what he needs to do well not that he doesn't care#see: the teacher who asked him why he never studies for his spelling tests and percy's retaliation getting him expelled#it's not subtle! it is the premise of the story!#i'm pretty sure i've talked abt how percy would crush a lit class given the proper accommodations so. but author percy so true rt#and marine biology...literally percy *is* environmentally conscious since tlt but there are better options if rick wanted to go that route#bc marine biology is literally just. haha poseidon. besides percy can do environmental work regardless bc. hello! grover!#the malewife thing...like yeah percy does like kids! it's a plot point in a lot of the books that he will prioritize caring for others#but it's also something he can get from being a teacher. working at a daycare. holding the olympians accountable#he's allowed to have goals outside of annabeth! in fact treating him like he needs annabeth to tell him what to do is ableism!#and his lack of ambition/planning is bc he's been suicidal since the first book in the universe and no one has#ever seriously acknowledged it. partially bc rick decided that percy can't have ptsd despite writing him w ptsd in pjo#don't even talk to me abt it *explodes*#this wasn't mentioned but tangentially the âpercy knows better than to challenge annabethâ is so disgusting to me#bc that's literally what percy and sally's relationship w gabe was like. can we use our fucking brains why are we running w this#especially combined w the whole âpercy is stupid and annabeth is a girlbossâ ableism it gets really gross really fast#don't even get me started on how annabeth's disabilities are erased so she can girlboss it up in both canon and fanon#percabeth is not the exception to rick's writing flaws or fandomization đŽ#ANYWAY prev tags i don't have room to copy them BUT YEAH#i have a compilation in my drafts of every adhd/dyslexia mention in hoo bc i was trying to find out if piper says she has adhd#and every scene in five books w nine povs is like. 18. including frank's bemoaning. for comparison the mentions in tlt ALONE is like 16.#morever percy is the only character to talk abt their personal experiences w dyslexia (HELLO???)#and percy annabeth and leo are the only characters to bring up how their adhd affects them personally so yeah um. ball dropped!#disabilities are an integral part of demigods like u cannot separate them doing so severely affects the entire world building#rick constantly ignoring how pjo showed both that the gods changed and could changed is infuriating to me#like treating zeus as a petulant child when in pjo he was the leader of the pta talking abt ppl who weren't represented on the panel UGH#rr crit
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be my angel
in which BAU fem!reader was injured on the job, but is refusing painkillers at the hospital. spencer thinks he knows why.
fluff (+a little angst) warnings/tags: established relationship, hospital stuff, reader got beat up by an unsub, discussions of spencer's past addiction, mentions of period cramps, reader ends up being administered some sort of painkiller a/n: another draft i found in my literal hundreds of pages of abandoned wips and fixed up cause it's cute, I hope you like!!!
Spencer is tearing through the hospital. They all keep saying youâre going to be okay, but what does that even mean? Why is nobody telling him anything? Heâs not even sure he heard what the orderly at the front desk said, but his feet are carrying him with a strident purpose through the winding white halls, so he has to assume he at least subconsciously knows where heâs going.Â
Finally he spots Penelope, a beacon in her candy-colored clothing, speaking to a doctor in hushed tones. Penelope sees him approaching and turns away from the doctor, looking harried and exhausted.Â
âIs she okay? What happened?â Spencer demands, before either of the others can say a word.Â
âSheâs okay,â the doctor assures. âShe was beat up pretty badâconcussion, broken ribs, some bruising that looks worse than it is. There was a clean shot through her arm, butââÂ
His blood runs cold. Nobody told him you were shot. Why had nobody told him you were shot?Â
âI need to see her.âÂ
The doctor frowns, glancing between the two agents.Â
âIâm sorry, are you her spouse?âÂ
âYes. No, not yet, I justâI need to see her, please. Now.âÂ
âSir, unless sheââÂ
âJust let him see her!â Penelope practically yells. âShe wants him here, believe me.â Â
The doctor clenches her jaw and scribbles something on her clipboard.Â
âOkay. Maybe you can try to convince her to accept some painkillers.âÂ
Spencerâs frown deepens.Â
âSheâs refusing pain management?âÂ
âWe gave her as much ibuprofen as we could, but she refused anything stronger than that. She has to be in a lot of pain right now, and thereâs no background of addiction.âÂ
âIâll talk to her,â Spencer says, already twisting the silver door handle. He has a sneaking suspicion as to why you denied pain treatment, and it makes him feel incredibly guilty. More than he already did, after this entire debacle.Â
The sight of you, bloodied and bruised and obviously suffering has his heart splintering right down the middle. Whatever meager semblance of a smile he can scrounge up and offer is reflected back to him on youâwhich only makes him feel worse. As always, youâre putting on a brave face.Â
âHey,â Spencer says quietly as he closes the door behind him.Â
âHi,â you croak. âHow do I look?âÂ
He approaches, sitting on the edge of the bed and pushing your hair away from your face.Â
âHow do you feel? The doctor told me you wouldnât accept pain medication,â he murmurs.Â
You sniff.Â
âI feel okay. Did she tell you itâs not as bad as it looks?âÂ
But your voice is so small, so wavery and weak, that he knows youâre lying.Â
âSweetheart...âÂ
Youâve been holding it together since the unsub beat you nearly unconscious. You held it together as he ran away, even got a couple shots in before he turned around and returned fire. You held it together while you sat against the dirty truck, bleeding out, not sure if your team was coming, and you held it together in the ambulance, and for the past thirty minutes in this hospital bed. But all it takes is one gentle word from Spencer, with that concerned, solicitous look in his eye, and the floodgates are opening. Tears spring up in your eyes and begin silently falling down your dirtied cheeks.Â
âItâs okay!â you attempt to reassure him, affecting cheeriness even through the tears. âIt doesnât hurt. Iâm fine!âÂ
He says your name soft and low and he tries his best to keep his tone even though he is liable to burst into tears or start yelling at someone (not you) at any minute. Â
âI know thatâs not true. You have broken ribs and a gunshot wound. I know how badly it hurts to breathe and how it feels every time you move your arm. That is too much damage for over-the-counter anti-inflammatories. You need real analgesics.âÂ
âI donât,â you whisper. Your teary eyes make his whole body ache. He squeezes your handâthe one thatâs not connected to the wounded arm.Â
âBecause of me?â You stare at him blankly, as if youâre shocked he was able to put two and two together. âI promise you donât need to worry about that.âÂ
You sniffle.Â
âBut what ifâwhat if they give me the drugs and I get all weird and itâs, itâs like... triggering for you, or something?âÂ
âItâs been a really long time since Iâve worried about that. Iâd rather see you a little tired and out of it than in extreme pain and trying to pretend youâre not. You getting the pain relief you need in a medical emergency is not going to make me relapse.âÂ
âBut I really think I could go without,â you begin, voice already tightening around a cry. âIâveâIâve had period cramps that were worse than this.âÂ
Despite himself, he chuckles. Goes back to stroking your hair.Â
The laughter fades quickly. All the pain youâre in is so evident in your eyes. The dissociative glassiness, the tension around them, the bloodshot qualityâhe's seen it many times before, and he hates it on you.Â
âWill you please tell them youâre ready to take something? They wonât give you Dilaudid. Itâs too strong. Theyâll give you something that Iâd have no interest in anyway.âÂ
âNot funny,â you whisper.Â
He ignores this.Â
âWill you let me call the doctor back in?âÂ
You take a deep, shuddering breathâor at least, you try to, before youâre loosing a sharp squeak that deteriorates into a little sob. The ribs.Â
Spencer doesnât bother asking again, just gets up and begins to walk away as efficiently as his legs will carry him. You need painkillers and he thinks it might be fastest to just fetch the doctor or a nurse from the hallway.Â
âWait,â you plead. Â
He stops. Reminds himself that you need him right nowânot his medical opinions. Spencer turns back around and approaches again, crouching by your bedside this time.Â
âWhat, honey?âÂ
âI donât...âÂ
You trail off, overcome by something like fear in the width and shine and nervous dart of your eyes. Spencer knows, everybody at the BAU knows, that showing fear to a serial killer will get you killed that much quicker. During your time alone with the unsub, which is a can of worms Spencer literally cannot psychologically open right now, you had to put on your bravest face. Even while you were being beaten within an inch of your life. Even when you thought you were going to die, alone, and that your teamâthat Spencerâwasn't coming back for you. Because thatâs the kind of thing you have to do to cope when youâre at rock bottom. But you were terrified. Petrified. That doesnât just go awayâand Spencer knows itâll be bumping against the surface until it finds a way out. Â
He has to remember that just because you look unafraid and you act unafraid doesnât mean you arenât.Â
âYou were so brave,â he manages after heâs sure he can say it without incident, swiping moisture from your cheek. âYou did everything exactly right.âÂ
âI know,â you whisper, chin trembling. Spencer knows you, and he knows this kind of trauma well enough to know that youâre thinking, I did everything exactly right, and it wasnât enough. I did everything exactly right and this is what I have to show for it.Â
âBut nobody needs you to act like it wasnât hard, okay? You donât need to pretend like it doesnât hurt. You were so, so brave, angel. You donât have to be brave anymore.âÂ
Your eyes squeeze shut, sending a new wash of tears over your tacky cheeks. A few moments pass. You say nothing. He hopes youâre not going to hide away inside yourself like he did.Â
âWill you please, please, let me get the doctor?âÂ
At least this time you donât immediately say no.Â
âWill you come right back?âÂ
âOf course.âÂ
Finally, you nod your hesitant assent, and Spencer presses a careful kiss to your forehead.Â
A few minutes later, the doctorâwho was shocked that Spencer was able to so quickly change your very made-up mindâis back, and so is Spencer. It only takes a moment for them to determine the best course of action for you and soon the fist around his heart is loosening its grip as he watches some of the agony melting from your eyes.Â
âBetter?â he murmurs as the nurse whoâd administered the drugs leaves, fanning his thumb over the underside of your wrist. You nod, already appearing sleepy.Â
âCan you lie down with me?âÂ
He smiles at the way your words slip against each other, simply relieved that youâre able to relax and no longer in extreme pain.Â
âHospital beds arenât rated for two people.âÂ
âSpencer.âÂ
Itâs enough for him to climb onto the bedânot that he was ever going to deny you what you wanted to begin with. The fit isnât exactly perfectâhe's a bit too long and combined the two of you are just slightly too wideâbut with some finagling itâs comfortable enough. Spencer has slipped his arm underneath you and your head is on his shoulder and heâs so glad to have you in his arms and so grateful that youâre okay he does something almost like praying in his head as he kisses your hair.Â
âHey. Ask me about my bruises.âÂ
âWhy? Do they still hurt?âÂ
âYou should see the other guy.âÂ
Itâs dumb and it doesnât make sense because you didnât bother waiting for him to actually set the joke upâbut he smiles dryly nonetheless.Â
âCan you please give me... I donât know, 36 hours before you start making jokes about almost dying?âÂ
âClock starts now.âÂ
âThank you.â He feels your lips curve into a half-conscious smile against his neck. Itâs a wonderful feeling. âHow are your ribs? Breathing feels okay?âÂ
âMhm. Love breathing.âÂ
âMhm. And your arm?âÂ
âLike I got shot.âÂ
âWell, thatâs pretty much unavoidable. But not as bad as before, right?âÂ
âRight. Spencer?âÂ
âWhat, my love?âÂ
A little pleased puff of air warms his shoulder. He carefully rubs your hip.Â
âWill you tell me how brave I was again?âÂ
He takes a silent, very deep breath. Â
âYou were incredibly brave. And smart, too. Iâm really proud of you for how you handled that situation. Iâm so sorry you had to go through that, but I donât think anyone could have handled it better. Especially when you chose to stay put by the truck, instead of chase him. I know that wasnât what you wanted to do, but it was the right choice.âÂ
âI thought you guys maybe werenât coming,â you murmur, no hint of sadness in your smushed, flat voiceâlike youâre barely awake. âI waited half an hour and I thought you werenât gonna find me.âÂ
âAngel, I will always find you. We didnât stop looking even once, as soon as we noticed you were gone. Iâm just sorry I wasnât with Emily and Rossi when they got to you.âÂ
ââNelope told me... she told me you got really angry and scary.âÂ
He stares at the ceiling and considers this.Â
âI could see... how what I was feeling would be interpreted that way. I was pretty angry. But not at Penelope or any of them. I was mostly just scared.âÂ
âIâm sorry I scared you,â you whisper. âAnd Iâm sorry if I made you mad.âÂ
âYou did not. I wasnât mad at you. And itâs not your fault that I got scared. You were just trying to do your job. None of this is your fault.âÂ
âShe also said that you said fuck like... three times.âÂ
âMm... doesnât sound like me,â he evades. You giggle, and the sound is more a relief than any drug he could take.
âNo, seriously, Iâm so mad I missed it. I love hearing you swear. Tell me what you saidâand you have to cause Iâm all messed up so I get whatever I want.âÂ
He sighs in mock annoyance.Â
âWell, sheâs wrong. I only said fuck once. I used fucking as an intensifier twice.âÂ
You hum.Â
âSexy.âÂ
âAlright,â Spencer laughs, flushing as he moves his hand to your shoulder. âGo to sleep before I tell them to up your dosage, weirdo.âÂ
#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fic#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x self insert#criminal minds#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid angst#spencer reid fluff#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds fic
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