#YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH … WISHING YOU THE LOVELIEST DAY EVER ))))))): SNIFFLE SOB | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cheion-writes · 6 years ago

Text

Smiles

How Steel tries to make Sidestep smile, or how Steel realizes he is slowly falling deeply in love.

Steel/Sidestep. Steel!POV. Spoilers!

No angst – not this time. Yep, I decided to stop being an ass to Steel. For now.

Thanks @auroriane for beta-reading! :)

----

Seven years ago, they fell.

You never see them again.

Then one day, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, they reappear. And when you realize just how shattered they feel, you find that nothing's right in your world.

They're a wreck, eyes dark-rimmed and exhausted. They're looking at the dogs, expression far away, stance hunched, small and vulnerable in a way you've never seen them before.

Fear. Misery. Desperation. Pain.

Spoon whines; he too senses something is wrong. You pace forward hesitantly, expecting them to react and shy away from you but they remain frozen; it's never happened before.

You don't know why that makes your heart clench painfully.

So, you reach out for them. Maybe you're worried. Maybe it's just the guilt. Or maybe it's something more.

They turn to you and you see their eyes... eyes so haunted it makes them look much older than they really are.

Your heart tightens.

Then, loving, tender-hearted Spoon jumps up and licks their face, yipping joyfully and covering them in slobber. You see their momentary surprise, the flash of a smile on their face before it's blown away in the wind.

You find yourself wishing to see them smile again.

You meet them one afternoon as you're walking Spoon. He must remember who they are for he barks happily, pulls the leash out of your hands, and dashes forward.

You almost miss the tiny smile on their face at his furiously wagging tail. Their soft laugh as he rolls onto his back and exposes his belly in its full, furry glory.

You find yourself chuckling as they reach out and give him a rub. But when they (reluctantly) disengage and wave goodbye, you see the smile falter and fall.

And you find yourself promising to bring those smiles back again.

One day, they corner you in the Ranger's base. They look particularly miserable; their vulnerability and exhaustion radiate strongly in waves.

Sadness. Despair. Regret. Pain.

What they speak, their words are halting. They ask if you could go to the dog park. If you could bring Spoon.

You don't know why you're disappointed they didn't just ask for you. But still, you barely hesitate before you agree. You don't know the reason why.

By the time you arrive, they're there by the tree. They turn to you and you sense their immediate relief when they spot Spoon.

You watch as they collapse to their knees and envelop him in a hug. Spoon whines, leans in, and nuzzles their cheek. You see the watery smile upon their face, and you find yourself wishing that it was you they chose to hold.

And when you realize with a start that their smile has never reached their eyes before, you find yourself vowing to make them truly smile.

You ask them out one day, if they'd like to walk Spoon with you. Yet, as shocked as you are by your own words, it's more than made up for by the surprise that lights up their face.

Wonder. Gratitude. Relief. Hope.

"I'd like that very much," they say, their tentative smile sending your heart aflutter.

It's the first time you've made them smile. You hope it will not be the last.

You see them more often now. They feel lighter. Less burdened.

On one of your walks (without Spoon), you find them unconsciously drifting closer to you. And as you gently brush your hands against their knuckles and slip your fingers into their own, you see a tiny smile form upon their lips.

But still, it doesn't quite reach their eyes.

You're with them one night, staring off into the ocean. They're sitting beside you; they’re close, so very close.

"Why do you want to be with me?" they ask quietly.

"Because I care about you,” you say.

They smile, though it's a sad, bitter one. "Why do you care for something that isn’t real?"

You interlace your fingers with their own, trying to ignore the brokenness in their voice. "You’re here. You’re real. This is real.”

They pull away. They don’t meet your gaze. “I… you should leave, Chen. Go back to Ortega. Go back to your team.” Their voice is small. Exhausted.

Pain. Despair. Loneliness. Resignation.

Your heart stutters at that. Taking their chin in your hands, you gently turn them to face you. “Why would I when you’re the only one I need?”

You glimpse a flicker of something in their eyes, but as fleeting as the sun on a cold winter’s day, it fades away.

"Wei? Can I ask you something?"

They're at your apartment. Their eyes dart nervously back and forth, their hands fiddling with their sweater. They look worried. Stressed. Afraid.

Is someone after them?

You rise to your feet, the unspoken question on your lips but they shake their head.

"No, I'm fine. it's just..." They take a deep breath and lick their lips. "If... if I'm not really what you think I am... will you still care?"

The question takes you by surprise, but your reply comes easily; the words are heartfelt after all: "I always will."

You hear their sniffle, sense the desperation in their eyes. "Really?"

Hope. Uncertainty. Longing. Fear.

Their wretched voice tears at your heartstrings. Nodding firmly, you place an arm around their shoulder. "Whatever it is... you will always be you. Nothing will change that." Nothing will change how I feel for you.

It makes them smile briefly, though it vanishes all too soon as their growing fear returns.

"Then...there's something I need to show you."

They remove their sweater. They remove their shirt.

And for the first time, you see them for who they really are. You see the secrets they've hidden for all their life.

Your attention is drawn first to the scars – and there are just so many, far too many; oh, just what horrors have they suffered? – before your eyes land on the orange tattoos that mark every inch of their body.

You swallow hard.

You know those colours. You know those designs.

They're... they're a regene.

And finally, everything falls into place. Finally, you understand why they avoided cameras and hospitals like the plague. Why they refused to submit to those background checks. Why they wore layers upon layers in the dreadful heat of the sun... Why they never could bring themself to smile...

You see them begin to tremble at your extended silence.

Self-loathing. Disgust. Pain. Fear.

Swiftly, you step forward and envelop them in a fierce hug, rubbing tiny circles onto their back. "I know how hard this must be for you… but know this: regardless of where you were from, you've the biggest heart I've ever known. You're human in every sense of the term, and don't you dare think otherwise."

You feel them crumple. You feel them wrap their arms tightly around you, tears soaking deep into your thin shirt. You hold them close and refuse to let go; you never will again.

"Thank you," they say hoarsely.

You’d like to think they smiled then, but you can't tell from the tears in your eyes.

"Do you really think this will work?" they whisper. "Sometimes... sometimes I look at you and the only thing I recall are the times you didn't trust me."

Your blood freezes over; you had feared this would happen.

"I'm sorry I doubted you," you reply softly. "Seven years ago, ... I'm sorry for failing to trust you… to save you… to find you."

Your eyes are watering now, but the words continue to tumble forth like a raging river, unimpeded and untamed. "I'm sorry it took me this long to realize how foolish I have been, for never considering why you needed to hide. And… and if staying away is better for you… if this apology is seven years too late-"

Your throat locks up; please, please I don’t want you to leave. But if this is what will help you heal…You choke down the bile and force yourself to continue.

"-then...then I'll let you go."

You lower your gaze, close your eyes, and wait.

...

You feel them take your hands into their own. You feel their fingers find you chin. And when you open your eyes, you see their sincere, tear-filled eyes gazing deep into yours.

"It isn't too late," they say. “I’m not going anywhere you can’t follow.”

You choke out a sob. There's so much you wish to say, so much you wish for them to know. You want to tell them they're the most courageous, empathetic and compassionate person you have ever known. You want to thank them for forgiving you, for accepting you, for loving you. You want to promise to never leave them, to be there by their side forevermore.

But in the end, you simply say the three words that matter most, the three words that encompass all that you promise and feel.

"I love you."

And, finally, finally, you see them truly smile.

It's a genuine, beautiful smile, and it's the loveliest thing you've ever seen.

Faith. Hope. Joy. Love.

And finally, at long last, all is right in your world.

#fallen hero: rebirth #my writing #sidewei #did i do romance right #fanfiction

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