#there we go i just kinda screamed at people
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"Nothing." Cas insisted, looking up to watch the tears fall- feeling himself swept away by the guilt of his actions and words. "Madison.. I'm sorry, I.. you didn't do anything, I'm sorry I didn't mean--" when she screamed it forced his shoulders to jump up to his ears and surprisingly her shove had force enough to make Cas stumble back. "Madison wait!" he called after her- his eyes squeezed shut with how hard the door slammed- feeling the room ricochet around them.
The three of them listened to the shatter from upstairs and Dean rushed for the steps, Cas’ fingers grazed Dean's wrist before the hunter yanked away from him. "Dean, I just wanted to help-"
"Well you didn't!" Dean barked at him, half towering over him with darkened eyes and muscles tensed. "If you weren't some stupid kid right now, I'd kill you myself with your own blade." Dean spit the words out and almost instantly wished he could've swallowed them down before they'd came out. He watched the shift of emotions, the turmoil and the defeat- all of it and then Castiel's gaze hardened, like somehow he'd garner his grace back and smite them all. Instead...
"I hate you!"
Sam watched the way Cas fled the house and Dean- trapped between going after him or going up to Madison. "Just go check on Madison."
Dean raised his arm above the doorframe, searching for a door key- exhaling relief when he felt the metal. He twisted with the key, hearing it click and slowly he nudged the door open. "Can I come in?" he asked, not wanting to breach the containment of her safety in case she decided to lob something at his head too. "Not...to invalidate you here but... but you know Cooties aren't real, right?" he used the door as his shield for a second longer, then took the risk and stepped in, beelining to take a seat next to her. "I'm sorry." he began. "For all of this, I- I wish you'd called some bullshit ghost investigator instead too." he twirled his thumbs around each other and stared at the space between his knees. "It would've save you a lot of trouble... but I'm kinda happy you fucked up and called us; kinda thought you and I had something.. maybe." he shrugged, trying to soothe the heat of the anger overtaking her. "Even if you did give me cooties." he bumped her elbow with his, trying to prompt a smile.
He inhaled deep and looked around the room at the mess of things she'd thrown around and broken. "That's one hell of an arm you got, want me to clean this up for you?..." he looked at her again. "Madison. The angels are gonna realize that's a children's tale and Gabriel's gonna leave and... things will go back to normal for you again. He shouldn't have said it, I'm not defending him, but I know i've said a helluva lot worse about people before myself; and I wasn't 14 when I did it either...." he wanted to run his hand along her leg or hold her hand and show her some sort of comfort, but every time he thought about it he worried she'd flip out and smack him like she had in the motel.
Running a hand through his hair Dean sighed and dropped both hands to his thighs, unsure what else to say that wouldn't infuriate her or make her feel invisible. "What do you want us to do, Madison?" Dean stood from the bed. "We can leave now, I can get a guy out here to fix that extra door in the wall in your kitchen and we can disappear into obscurity like you've never even called if that's what you want."
Madison sat there dumbfounded.
It was happening again. The slow motion. The delayed words. The slow processing. Her eyes bounced from cas then to Sam, then to Dean, & back to cas. Head tilting slightly trying to understand what he said.
“Why?” She asked softly. Her eyes welling w/ tears. “Why did you do this to me?? What… what did I do to you?”
A few tears slid down her cheeks. Maybe she was a cry baby. A big useless cry baby. “Why would you even say I have cooties…. What did I do to you?”
Her hand came up to wipe her face & she sniffled. “I wish I had never called you all!” She shouted before standing up & pushing cas away & running to the stairs & running upstairs. For the second time in 24 hrs she was slamming the door to her bed room, this time, locking it. In frustration, she reached for the nearest unlucky item which happened to be a glass vase of candy & hurled into at the wall. It shattered & she screamed in anger. Had her furniture been alive they might have cowardly hid. There were a few other items that went flying before she flopped down on her bed putting her head in her hands.
The tears had stopped & she was now just seething. Who was she even supposed to be upset at? Herself? For getting caught in this mess & in deans charms? Cas for lying? Gabriel for breaking a hole into her home? She sat in bed staring around the floor.
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im researching Scarecrow hench-people and the DC wiki is really unhelpful, can you give me a list of a few notable ones. Also who's this Autumn from the Audio Adventures people keep mentioning. Is she a canon character or is she an OC
thank you! also loved the list you did of your favorite hench people
Thank you! Now that you mention it, it does seem like Scarecrow's kinda lacking in terms of notable henchmen, even purely in terms of visually distinct one-offs. It might have something to do with how little he's been traditionally focused on crime and coalition building, per se, and more so on lone terrorist campaigns and experimentation. Besides Scream Queen, who I already went into in the other post, these are the ones that I can think of:
Autumn / Miss Autumn is canon to TBAA, she just never showed up in the show. We hear about her in S1 via two scenes where Miss Tuesday talks about her friend in Scarecrow's gang, another villain assistant named Autumn that she always texts with and coordinates with, and then later she'd appear in issue #6 of the Audio Adventures comic, kidnapping Dick while he's disguised as a Burma Shave Boy and bringing him over to the Scarecrow as part of his plan. She claims to be a scullery maid in charge of the "kitchen" and is instructed by Crane to prepare a new batch, and Dick finds an Arkham Asylum physician's clearence and security badge that might belong to her, given Miss Tuesday in the show claims to have grown up in Arkham and the two seeming to be fairly close friends.
The Audio Adventures Special prequel comic released along with S2 also showed that, along with his biker gang to peddle in the street, he employs dealers hidden in plain sight such as the elderly librarian Mrs.Elliot, who we don't get to know much more about other than her being known by Dick and his friends, and a willing enthusiastic participant in the Scarecrow's plans to sell drugs to kids, as well as kidnap and experiment on them.
In terms of notable henchmen I think the first one he ever got were the Strawmen from Batman #296: said to be named Otto and Raymond, former students of his who've joined him and became students of the Scarecrow, serving as the muscle to his operation.
There's Linda Frittawa / Fright, introduced in a Judd Winick arc by the name of "As the Crow Flies", who became his assistant and confidant, while secretly manipulating him under a deal she made with the Penguin. She's the one who turned Scarecrow into the Scarebeast, and eventually showed up later working for Jeremiah Arkham Black Mask.
Not quite a henchwoman per se but there is a character named Haunter who showed up in the 2017 Batman (vol.3) annual, who's able to kill people with her DNA and who coordinates a small-scale fear gas with Jonathan to make her escape from Arkham, and it's said the two had a "twisted mutual admiration thing" before Batman put her away. She's only made two appearences in total, in two anthology shorts penned by her creator Scott Bryan Wilson, and I'm including her because given her name and gimmick and lack of prominence, she might as well be a Scarecrow henchwoman or partner or extension of his deal.
There's a fairly long pattern of Scarecrow being responsible for the creation of new villains with his experiments even if they don't necessarily go on to become henchmen - Madame Crow from Tynion's run was a former student who was tortured with fear toxin for months and took over a year to recover, before embarking on her own fear toxin campaigns. Colin Wilkes from Streets of Gotham was an abused orphan kidnapped by Scarecrow and given Venom injections before being ordered to attack Batman, and who was freed and became a hero. The Gotham Knight movie states that this version of Killer Croc was experimented on by Jonathan Crane, who caused his condition to worsen and seems to have kept him around a sewer hideout as an attack dog. The Titans show had him behind the resurrection of Jason Todd and his transformation into Red Hood, and Gotham had him create the show's version of Joker Toxin that kicks off Jeremiah Valeska's transformation.
And finally, we'd be remiss not to mention that a couple of times in his older appearences he's had a pet raven named Nightmare, a concept that's come up again in more recent kid-friendly books where it's named Croward instead, who assisted him in his criminal endeavors. I suppose that raven evidently doesn't make too much sense given Crane's backstory revolving around the crow trauma inflicted on him by his grandmother, or that trained birds are still very much Penguin territory in spite of him never using them anymore, or it clashing too much with the darker tone and vibe he's supposed to have, but there's a self-evident charm to the scarecrow-themed villain having a pet raven circling him.
#replies tag#dc comics#batman#scarecrow#jonathan crane#the scarecrow#not counting Becky Albright because she never actually wanted anything to do with him or became the Mistress of Fear outside fanon#and that story is garbage#also not counting that scrub dipshit Tommy Elliott because we don't know to what degree Crane mentored him and he's clearly independent#I mean I'm not counting them but if you want to feel free to#I do really like Miss Autumn's design we just don't know anything about her#and the Strawmen work but could definitely use a make-over#if you're gonna go through the rank and file of Scarecrow henchmen looking for stand-outs I think you might as well just make your own#incredibly slim pickings here
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there's something interesting to be said about how nickel's female friends have to constantly school him on how horrible he is but animationepic won't say it
#melonposting#spoof#<- kinda#ii neg#<- also kinda#i hate nickel. i need to kin balloon just so i can experience dropping nickel into that stupid cereal box pit#also y'know what to those people who think nickel loves clover... you're right he is kinda obsessed with her#in that he hates her so much for something that he wants (being a likable/good/happy person) <- according to my interpretation anyway#of course he doesn't want/know how to put in the effort to have it#suitcase screamed at him (as she should've) and that didn't go through his thick skull#only clover in her infinite gentleness and grace could let him know that perhaps he should say sorry for harassing someone all their life :#and even then it isn't sincere#like please don't tell me any of you took his 5-second bizarrely emotionally intelligent notes app apology seriously. good god#like i dunno it was just like clover said to apologize and he said 'on it boss'#or what are we just gonna believe that ae was like. y'know what? this guy just needs to say he's sorry#once#out of nowhere#and we won't have to worry about the horrible things he's done to people (cough cough suitcase)#like heck even if balloon accepts this bs it doesn't do jack for her (not like he should anyway)#this idiot's just so far in the socioemotional gutter that after doing a series of horrible things (which he's been made well aware of)#he'll only so much as acknowledge that he did them if it means he gets friendship points from ae's princess celestia#good god man you're not the leader of a stupid team anymore. get over yourself#the funny thing is that the only excuse for his writing lately is basically a headcanon on my end#i'm just reading into this nonsense. as far as i know he's just being written horribly haha#he's interesting to think about in the lens of 'guy who wants to be happy/good/likeable but does not actually care about anyone'#but if i'm being honest with myself to ae he's just 'jerk who's actually nice now. no he isn't. yes he is for real this time (believe us)'#whatever i need to go to bed
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No okay so I could like POP OFF about all the little things that could be written off as quirks or just particularities if there was only one or two but when compounded together made me go OH. He's just like me fr 😭 (I am so sorry OP for hijacking your Autistic Hassian post bc you are so right and I could make a whole long ass post like this about him too. But I feel the need to spread the Hodari is also autstic and heres why propoganda)
-Food pickiness. He's sooo particular about what he eats, how its flavored, and even what he's willing to cook it on. Only spices from his hometown, only on a specific type of grill "no shortcuts", NO fish, same meals over and over again. There's also the underlying trend that undiagnosed adult men tend to lean towards that 'steak and potatoes' type food as a comfort food and while other characters will switch up the kind of food they want (change different entree type foods from soups to fish or sweets. Badruu, Chayne, and Ashura do this) Hodari almost always only will request steak dinner(or grilled meat i forget which lol) or sernuk stew. The food he'll gift you if you stop by at night for some "midnight meat" is also the steak. Man knows what he likes to eat and that's ALL he eats lol. (I also think its cute that he shows genuine concern if you tell him you don't eat breakfast and he forces you to take food and its just an egg lmaooo)
-He DOES find the town overwhelming. He tells the player he stopped coming in the evening and instead comes for lunch because its not busy and people wont talk to him. Even tells the player to leave him alone if they want to chat but if they want to eat lunch in silence with him they can pull up a chair. Kenyatta makes a comment about how "the miner and his daughter don't come into town much" and they don't talk a lot, assuming their house to always be silent. (lol. lmao even) He also only goes to the markets for Najuma. He doesn't like the noise and complains about the fireworks being "shot off every five minutes". While it is revealed by Najuma that he begrudgingly does enjoy coming, it's heavily implied that if left to his own devices he wouldn't be there. So sound and lots of people stress him tf out and he always seems significantly more 'gruff' during social situations like the market (swearing more "whole damn place smells like it"/kinda angry and screaming of sensory overload) or during town parties where he expresses discomfort than when talking to him when its just him
-Piggybacking off that, he NEEDS his alone time. He enjoys being down in the mines by himself where its just him and "the swing of the pickaxe. Nothing else matters". He also places really firm boundaries with the player if its too late and during his alone time that may come off as overly blunt or rude. "If you're here to talk to Najuma, go home it's past her bed time. If you're here to talk to me, don't". A valid boundary but can come across as a little harsh lol. especially in a game where most characters don't mind when you talk to them late at night or only have mild remarks of the time.
-Going off that, his social awkwardness. Not super apparent immediately when we first meet him because we can write it off as he's busy (he is lol) and we are new. However pretty quickly it appears he has a bit of a chip on his shoulder compared to the other villagers (except Hassian lol) even though his character profile in the beginning tells you he seems like a nice neighbor who is "always willing to lend a helping hand". And while his direct words to the player seem to contradict that, the other villagers talk very friendly about him even though it becomes apparent he doesn't treat or talk about them any different than he does the player. He's just 'like that' and they love him all the same. He also only considers Zeki a friend but from talking with the other npcs we know he has drinking contests with Sifuu, plays cards (and wins) with Ashura, and Badruu loves to tell him jokes to try and get him to laugh (and holds it as a personal point of pride when he finally does lol) and they all consider him a friend. He struggles to emotionally connect to his daughter even though we see its not through a lack of willingness or trying. He's a very good dad but there's a large emotional gap that neither of them seem to be able to cross even though they're both trying. And this is all BEFORE you romance him. If you romance him the awkwardness gets SO much clearer. He takes your gift but doesn't immediately accept or reject it bc he's overwhelmed and put into a situation he wasn't expecting and doesn't have an appropriate reaction set aside to use in that moment (The masking falls). He has to seek the player out later to explain he's not rejecting them but is clearly very uncomfortable the whole time. He struggles A LOT with emotional intimacy and has to give himself little pep talks, out loud, when talking with the player. He fears the closeness and refuses to put a label on anything "you do what you want to do and I'll do what I want". Once he's comfortable however, he IMMEDIATLEY switches to a pet name (as opposed to other characters like Reth or Jel who were comfortable using pet names before ever romancing them) and tries to win your affection. He bakes you a heart shaped quiche and takes you on a "date" (where its quiet, private, and not around other people. And not in a we need to hide way but in a 'see all of town is overwhelming bullet point' way) where he was so excited to see the player he forgets the food. He gets so in his head and awkward that his daughter has to interfere SEVERAL times throughout the course of the relationship. He gets fixated on small details and creates 20 (i think? A lot at least lol) pins.
-Rigid schedule. Okay so bc its a video game all the npcs have a set time they go to places and do xyz things so that cant inherently be used BUT Hodari is one of the only ones who's schedule is talked about. He goes to town for lunch every. day. even though he loves to cook and complains how much he hates the walk into town (Najuma also tells us he hates going into town for things). There are comments of the time he wakes up, and how Najuma even shudders at the idea of having to wake him up if he slept in accidentally even though he doesn't go to work in the mines during the mornings and has a few hours before he even goes to the workshop showing this is a very self imposed and relied upon schedule that throws him off really bad if its not kept to.
okay i could probably keep going but this is already really long and I feel bad enough I hijacked the post a bit lol
Was playing Palia, and as I was flirting with Hassian, I came to the headcanon that he is Autistic
Source: I am Autistic and I said so /lh
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Looking at the elections' results and feeling sick. How can all those people vote for the triumph of fascism is beyond me
#looks like it's currently a very european feeling at the moment#france isn't getting a far right minister by the looks of it#but the sheer number of seats they won at the assembly tonight or are likely to win next week is horrifying#we can't call ourselves “the homeland of human rights” and do that#this isn't just about politics#it's about people's lives#real people#and that's terrible#i've been doing great mental health wise recently and it's a really shitty time to feel emotions more easily again#the depression is kinda under control but my anxiety levels are up#i think i need to go outside and scream#not sure the neighbors are going to be okay with it though
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Higuchi and Ranpo are just such interesting author-based characters in BSD.
I know it's weird to connect the two but hear me out...
So far, the only authors I can remember that don't have a known ability are Aya, Higuchi, and Ranpo. Aya and Higuchi will likely get an ability (latter has been confirmed to have one, at least) while Ranpo...probably won't? Though you never know.
But the reason I bring Higuchi and Ranpo together is because the latter is an author who is heavily implied to be the son of one of his IRL counterpart's characters. And meanwhile, the former is someone who has one of the real people in her IRL counterpart's life (that is to say, BSD Higuchi's sister) brought into the manga. Yeah, Tanizaki and Akuatagawa have their sisters be based off characters, and we also have Haruno based off a Tanizaki character, plus Fitzgerald's characters in the eyes of god story arc.
But I really think that it's interesting that Ranpo is the child of his own character. And that Higuchi is I think the only one with a family member that is based on IRL Higuchi's own family situation. That we might actually have a BSD character based on a real life person that wasn't a significant writer of some sort (to my knowledge, at least).
I don't really have a point with this, but it is interesting and aghhhhhhh Asagiri I'M BEGGING you to do something with Higuchi that doesn't involve Akutagawa! There's so many things about her and I want to know!
#seriouslyyyyy#ive seen some metas about higuchi's ability being tied to one of her shorts that shows how people cant escape their childhood fates#and that would be SO cool in a manga like bsd that takes the whole doomed by the narrative and fighting against the narrative theme#and also just....her sister!!#im just obsessed okay? i want to know more about higuchi#i want to know why she kinda gives protagonist vibes when we were introduced to her#and i NEED to know her motivations and goals because forget staying in the pm for aku how did she join?#how did she climb up the ranks?#but you know i wonder how people survived without the light novels given all the hints canon gives us about the side characters#like how did they handle chuuya before fifteen and stormbringer?#how did they handle dazai before entrance exam and dark era?#what did people think about fukuzawa and ranpo before untold origins?#asjdurjthhtjdkskeh screaming and yelling because so many of the side characters need light novels#but yeah ranpo is pretty fascinating too but we got almost all his backstory now for what happened during the ada early years#and this manga is probably aya's backstory xD#anyway above is me slowly going insane thanks#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd higuchi#bsd ranpo#bsd aya#character analysis#spitting nonsense
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I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh
hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]
i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..
#snap chats#//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes#might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍♂️#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking#he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ#oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever#first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway#aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO#though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role#daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot#yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does#if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh#and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing#theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line#masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together#if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack#but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral#im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like#'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal#they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together#like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid#so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/
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IM SCREAMING
So I legit thought there was finna be a forehead smooch here omg
First of all
I love Booker, he is amazing and I would love to see Goldie in command of him and his unit all the time
I love her interactions with the clones so much. And how she feels about them. She treats them like people, not objects. It’s so important to her that they know how valued they are…and that lil healing trick, even if it wasn’t the same thing she did for Rex, showed Booker the type of General and Jedi she is
I’m absolutely cackling at Wise(ass) and his bedside manner.
“What, were you hoping for something else? Like a kiss, maybe?”
The absolute sarcasm and Bookers, “That was practically a marriage proposal.” I’m in tears I’m laughing so hard omg
I’m wheezing
This episode truly killed me tho, I sob every time I see 99 😭😭😭😭
The move with the ship tho? Hella smart. You say you hate writing action but damn you’re good at it!
I like how there wasn’t a huge concentration on the battle itself or strategizing; we got to see Goldie in action but we also got a good glimpse inside her head and what was going on up there throughout the fight. This chapter was honestly such a fantastic read and one of my favorites to date, just because of how well everything flows and how flawlessly it all fits together
And Booker’s admission that she actually kinda intimidated them? His reluctance to leave her? Cause he ALREADY knows the girl is trouble. He’s already duty bound to her and I would love to see more of them working together
Let’s talk about Rex, baby
Babygirl
He is babygirl
He was looking for her
Obviously, he would be doing that at some point. But the intensity? That was something else, in a good way, and kinda blew me away. The emotions were so raw and so real, and he totally forgot that his brothers were in the room with him. He barely managed to restrain himself from touching her, which she solved for him, assuring him that she was really there and really alive
She could feel him in the Force, she knew he was okay. Me sticking (as always) with the theory that Rex is Force Sensitive, he wouldn’t know how to channel that…he wouldn’t know how to look for her or what her signature feels like. He needs that tangible proof in front of him that she’s alive and okay. Being the Good Soldier™️ that he is, he held himself back until they were sort of alone, but Goldie immediately recognized that he needed that assurance and needed her to ground him. She didn’t care who saw, she let him know she was there. Amazing. Beautiful. Chefs kiss.
That little episode in the hallway alcove? The hug? The fact he was the one to initiate it? Boy is in D E E P, and there’s no getting out
And he had absolutely every right to need a minute after that battle, and after thinking, even for a moment, that he might’ve lost her
Like I said I was kinda expecting a little forehead smooch BUT HE BROKE REGULATION AND GAVE HER HIS COMM 😭😭😭😭😭😭 that might be even better
AND THE IMMEDIATE MESSAGE STAY SAFE?????
Sobbing
This was phenomenal Roy, I can’t wait for more!!
Event Horizon
Chapter Seventeen: Downpour
Chapter WC: 12,129
Chapter Tags/Warnings: battle stuff, kinda angsty but compared to last chapter this is nothing
A/N: Once again there is a lot going on here. 💀 I've been looking forward to posting this chapter for ages, so I hope you enjoy!
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Kamino, 21 BBY
It's raining. Of course it's raining.
You can't even remember a time you were on Kamino that it wasn't. It's a strange world, a planet of extremes. Cold, wet, and miserable. And yet, there's a beauty to it. The way the waves crash against the buildings, the roar of the wind, the smell of the salt water.
It's been over a month since the siege of Null, and you haven't been able to rest. Not truly. Your mind has been racing, the memory of finding Yaddle's things haunting your every waking moment.
You haven't slept for longer than an hour or two at a time, and even when you do manage to fall asleep, the nightmares are worse. The severing you felt the moment she died finds you in your sleep, but it's not her death, it's Rex's. Or Obi-Wan's. Or Anakin's. Or Ahsoka's. They're dead, and it's because of you. Because you weren't strong enough, or fast enough, or smart enough.
And the dreams always end the same.
With the severed bond, with the loss, with the anguish.
It's not fair, and you're angry, but more than that, you're frustrated. You can't bring the evidence to the Council's attention without requesting a hearing, and the Council seems content with keeping you away from Coruscant. They've been keeping you too busy, assigning the 212th to a dozen missions, never allowing you to have a moment's peace.
And, you can't help but wonder if it's because they know. If they know what you have. It's irrational, of course, but the anxiety won't stop gnawing at you, the worry growing by the day.
As a result, you've become increasingly paranoid, and you're constantly checking your belongings, checking the box underneath your bed aboard the Negotiator, making sure everything is where it should be. Obi-Wan's noticed, of course, but he's too occupied with his own inner turmoil over what happened with Duchess Satine to worry too much about yours.
Cody's noticed too, but he's been kind enough not to say anything. You suspect Rex has told him to leave it alone, which you're grateful for. You don't have the energy to explain yourself, not when there's so much else to worry about.
And right now, there is plenty to worry about.
"Sir, look out!"
A trooper in a full white kit grabs your arm and yanks you back just as a stray bolt nearly clips you in the head. You stumble backwards, landing hard on your ass, and you blink, trying to clear the rain from your eyes.
A pair of hands grab you, pulling you to your feet.
"Sorry, sir," the trooper apologizes. His helmet obscures his face, but you can tell he's embarrassed. "Didn't mean to manhandle you."
"It's alright," you assure him. "Better than getting shot in the head."
He nods and returns his attention to the firefight, raising his rifle and squeezing off a round. The droid at the far end of the platform drops, a smoking hole in its chest, and the trooper lets out a satisfied grunt before turning back to you.
"Stay close. I'll cover you," he says, and he moves past you into the chaos. You blink, trying to process what just happened, but then the sound of blaster fire reaches your ears, and you duck, your senses snapping back into focus.
The two of you weave through the melee, the air thick with the acrid stench of smoke and the metallic tang of blaster fire. It's slow going, and the shots are coming fast and thick. More than once, the trooper has to grab you and pull you to the ground, the heat of a bolt singing your ear.
You're starting to feel frustrated, and embarrassed. You should be able to handle yourself better. You've been trained since birth to deal with these situations. And yet, here you are, relying on some poor shiny to drag you around like a baby.
It's shameful.
A blast comes from above, and you throw up a hasty shield, deflecting the energy bolt. The trooper ducks, hissing, and you reach out with the Force, yanking him behind a twisted heap of droid parts at the same time as you shove the sniper off the roof.
"Sorry," you say as you land hard next to him, your knees screaming in protest. "Normally, I'm better at this."
"At what? Being shot at?"
You huff. "Being a Jedi."
The trooper laughs, and then turns and leans around the pile of scrap, firing his rifle. "I don't know, General. Seems like you're doing just fine to me."
"That's...generous of you," you mutter. You lean back, taking a moment to catch your breath.
It's not easy to focus. Everything is chaos. Screams, explosions, blaster fire. The time you all had to prepare for the siege had not been nearly enough, and the blockade had been brutal. By the time you'd arrived on the planet, the battle was already in full swing.
You and Cody had only just managed to land before the shuttle had been forced to evacuate, and while he had rushed off to secure the barracks with Rex, you were tasked with defending the training facility with a contingent of newly trained clones. They were an interesting bunch, a little wild and eager, but they knew how to fight, and you'd seen them cut down more droids than their fair share.
You just hoped that would be enough.
Droids were rising from the ocean like the living dead, and they were everywhere, a sea of metal, their red eyes flashing in the storm. There's little cover on the open platform, and the clones are doing their best to hold their ground, but they're being pushed back, the droids overwhelming them.
"This is fucking insane," the trooper growls, and you glance at him, raising an eyebrow. "Sorry, sir."
"Don't worry about it," you chuckle. "I've heard worse."
He huffs and shakes his head, and then he raises his blaster and fires off another round at the same time as you pop up and throw your shoto in a wide arc. The yellow streak cuts through the air and collides with a pair of battle droids, severing clean through their torsos, the halves clattering to the ground.
"Nice shot," the trooper grunts. You look over at him and grin as you catch the blade, but it fades when you notice his hand clutching his arm, his armor charred and cracked.
"You're hurt," you gasp, reaching out, but he pulls away.
"It's nothing," he insists, shaking his head. "I'm fine."
"Let me see," you press.
He sighs, but he releases his arm, allowing you to examine the wound. The flesh is scorched, but it's not deep. You can't risk applying bacta, not in the middle of a battle, but you can ease the pain, at least.
You place your hand on his arm, and he jerks, his helmet whipping towards you. You meet his gaze and try to smile reassuringly.
"Just relax," you tell him. "It won't hurt."
He hesitates, but then he nods, and he lets out a slow breath. You close your eyes and focus, the Force flowing through you, into him. It's the same technique you used to heal Rex's injury on Null, but the effect is more temporary, the tissue healing slower than usual. You're sure that if Rex knew what you were doing, he'd have a few choice words, but you don't care. These men are under your command, and it's your duty to protect them. Even if that means pushing your own limits.
"Wow," the trooper murmurs. He rolls his arm, flexing his fingers, a note of awe in his voice. "How did you do that?"
You shrug. "I have my ways."
"Very mysterious, sir," he teases, and you roll your eyes. He peers around the pile of scrap, and then turns back to you, his shoulders slumping. "Not gonna lie, this isn't looking good."
"No, it's not," you agree. You take a deep breath, your hands resting on your knees. You feel lightheaded, and a little woozy. Healing him took more out of you than you expected.
"You're not doing so great either," the trooper observes, and you blink, turning to him.
"Excuse me?"
"You're not doing so great," he repeats. He cocks his head, and then adds, "Sir."
You can't help but snort at that, and the two of you share a chuckle. It feels good to laugh, to find a moment of levity in the chaos. The trooper may have been a little awkward and blunt, but you couldn't help but like him. He was refreshingly honest. Or maybe you were just a little delirious.
"Thanks," you mumble. You pause, and then look around, trying to formulate a plan. The platform is surrounded, and the droids are pouring out of the ocean faster than the clones can shoot them down. You've never been great at strategy, but you've survived this long. You're going to have to rely on instinct. And hope.
You raise your blades and stand, a grim determination settling over you.
"Stay close," you say, and the trooper rises to his feet, his blaster at the ready. "We're going to break their ranks."
"Sir, yes, sir."
You nod, and the two of you leap out from behind the pile of scrap, launching yourselves into the fray. For a few moments, everything is a blur. You lose yourself in the movement, the familiar weight of your weapons in your hands. It's a dance, really, the steps as natural as breathing. You duck, dodge, spin, strike, parry, thrust, and repeat. The droids fall before you, their metal limbs scattering across the platform, but it's still not enough.
"We have to fall back," you shout. "Get the wounded into the building and seal the doors. We'll regroup and formulate a plan."
The trooper nods, and he signals the men, repeating your orders. A moment later, they're retreating, falling back to the safety of the training facility. You hold the rear, deflecting shot after shot, the lightning crackling overhead, the wind roaring in your ears. The droids are relentless, and their shots are becoming more accurate. One hits a clone in front of you, and he falls to the ground, his body limp.
"Grab him," you call out. Another bolts grazes your pauldron, and you flinch, nearly tripping over a severed droid arm at your feet. "Hurry!"
The troopers haul their fallen comrade, and they rush back into the training facility, the doors sealing behind them. The one who had saved your life before remains at your side, and together, the two of you hold the line, keeping the droids from breaching the entrance. But, even with your combined efforts, the droids are still advancing, and they're quickly gaining ground.
The rain is coming down hard, and the wind is blowing it sideways, soaking through your clothes and chilling you to the bone. You grit your teeth, and continue deflecting shots, the droids' numbers seeming endless. If only Obi-Wan was here. He'd have thought of something clever, something that would have turned the tide in your favor. You, however, have nothing. Nothing but desperation, and anger, and fear.
A particularly well-aimed shot whizzes past your ear, and you feel the heat of it graze your cheek. Another shoots by, and another, and another. They're close, too close, and your arms are starting to tremble, your fingers slipping on the hilts of your sabers.
"Sir, come on!" the trooper urges, grabbing your arm and pulling you back toward the facility. You can barely keep up, your boots sliding on the wet ground. The doors are so close, but they're also so far.
A sudden blast rocks the platform, sending the two of you sprawling. Your sabers go flying, clattering across the duracrete, and you watch the blades deactivate, the metal growing cold and silent. The trooper groans beside you, and then he sits up, shaking his head. You can't blame him for his lack of grace. The world is spinning, and the ringing in your ears is deafening.
"Fuck," you hiss, pushing yourself up. You reach out with the Force and drag a crate to the side, forming a barrier between the two of you and the advancing droids. It's a flimsy shield, but it's better than nothing. You press your back against the crate and close your eyes, gathering your strength.
"I've got an idea," the trooper pants, and his voice sounds like it's coming from a million lightyears away. His helmet tilts your direction, his chest heaving. "But you're not going to like it."
"Try me," you grunt, trying to clear your vision.
He takes a deep breath and exhales, the sound sharp through the modulator. "See that downed trident ship? The one with the hole in the side?"
You turn and look, spotting the wreckage. It's close, no more than a few dozen meters away, behind the hoard of advancing droids. It's a mess of broken metal, the hull twisted and shattered, the observation portals cracked.
"Yeah, I see it," you reply, a hint of suspicion creeping into your voice.
"Can you use the Force to move it?" He pulls a grenade from his belt. "If you can bring it close enough, I can toss a popper into the hole and detonate the fuel reserves."
You stare at him, the implications dawning on you. You're not a demolitions expert, but even you know that blowing up a downed ship in the middle of a battle is a risky move. The explosion would likely cause significant damage, and the fallout could be deadly.
"Do you think you can do it?" he asks, his voice laced with urgency.
"I can do it," you reply, and the trooper gives a short nod.
"Then, let's do this," he says.
"On my mark," you say, and he nods again.
You rise and extend your hand, calling upon the Force. The moment you connect, a wave of power rushes through you, and you can feel the weight of the ship heavy in your grasp. You take a deep breath, and you start to pull, using all your strength.
The ship groans, the metal creaking and screeching. It's heavier than you thought, and it's hard to focus with the blaster fire coming at you. You grit your teeth, and you throw every ounce of energy into the task. Slowly, the ship begins to move, its metal body scraping against the deck until it lifts into the air.
The droids don't seem to notice the trident floating above their heads, and they continue their advance, their red eyes gleaming in the storm. It's almost comical, how the metal behemoth hangs there twists in the air behind them, its tentacle-like limbs dangling beneath.
The rain is pouring now, the water streaming down your face, and your entire body is trembling, exhaustion threatening to overtake you. It's getting harder and harder to maintain control, and the ship is wavering, the hull swinging back and forth.
"I can't hold it much longer," you shout, your voice straining.
"Almost there," the trooper shouts back. His hand grips the grenade, his finger hovering over the trigger. "Just a little longer!"
You let out a cry and pull with all your might, and the ship responds, jerking forward, the tentacles swinging wildly. He presses the activator, hurling the grenade towards the hull just as it falls from your grasp. It arcs through the air, hitting the edge of the hole and bouncing inside.
"Get down!"
The trooper grabs you and tackles you to the ground, shielding your body with his. A second later, the trident explodes, a blinding flash of light filling the sky. The shockwave is deafening, the pressure slamming into you, the heat from it hot on your skin.
Debris rains down, the deck trembles beneath you, and the ground shifts. For a moment, you think it's about to collapse, and the two of you are going to tumble into the ocean below. But, then, everything goes still and silent.
You lay there, stunned. Your ears are ringing, and your body is aching, the pain pulsing through you. You're alive, though. And, surprisingly, uninjured.
You turn your head and glance at the trooper, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He's alive. He's alive.
The two of you are silent for a moment, and then, a chuckle escapes your lips. You can't help it, the adrenaline surging through you. He lets out a weak laugh, and you start to laugh harder, the hysteria gripping you. It's insane, all of it, and the two of you laugh until you're crying, your ribs aching, the tears mixing with the rain.
After what feels like an eternity, you manage to regain control, and you wipe the tears from your cheeks, a giddy sense of relief washing over you. The trooper pushes himself up and offers his hand, pulling you to your feet. Once you're steady, you clasp his shoulder, a smile tugging at the corner of your mouth.
"That was insane. Absolutely insane." You can't help but laugh again, the adrenaline still pumping through you. "And, I have to admit, pretty damn clever."
He chuckles and shrugs, brushing aside the compliment. "Thanks, sir. But, I can't take the credit. That was all you."
"Well, whatever. It was a team effort." You look around, the smoke from the explosion clearing, revealing the aftermath. The droids are scattered in pieces across the deck, their limbs bent and twisted. You know more will come, but for now, the platform is secure.
"You have a name, trooper?" you ask.
"CC-8411, sir," he replies. He holsters his rifle and straightens his back, a sense of pride in his stance. "Though my brothers call me Booker."
"A commander, huh?" You tilt your head, studying him. "I should have known. You have quite the aim, Booker. Thank you for watching my back."
"Of course, sir." He shifts nervously on his feet, glancing down at the ground and back up. "And I, uh, I'm not a commander yet, sir, but I'm working on it."
"Oh?"
"Yeah," Booker says. He rubs the back of his neck and shrugs. "Just finished my ARC training. I'm pretty good at shooting, and my scores are high. My CO's seem to think I'm ready, it's just, well, I can't get promoted unless I've had experience leading a unit."
You raise an eyebrow, a smile pulling at the corner of your mouth. "You don't say."
Booker clears his throat and stands at attention, his gaze straight ahead. "I'm just...I'm looking for the right opportunity, sir."
"Hm," you hum, studying him. You call your lightsabers back into your hands, and you point at him with the hilt of one. "That could be arranged."
His helmet snaps in your direction as you holster them. "Sir?"
"You said it yourself. You have the skills," you point out. "And, if your superiors think you're ready, I see no reason why we can't put you to the test. Come on."
You turn and gesture for him to follow, and the two of you make your way back into the facility, the doors opening with a hiss. The rest of the men are waiting inside, their bodies slumped against the wall, the injured being treated. When they catch sight of you, a cheer rises, and the air fills with applause.
You can't help but smirk, and you glance at Booker, giving him a wink.
"Looks like you're already popular," you tease.
"Well, what can I say?" he laughs. "I have a way with people."
"Yeah, I can see that." You stop in the center of the room and take a deep breath. "Status report."
One of the troopers steps forward, and he salutes, his helmet tucked under his arm. His eyes are wide, a mixture of awe and terror, and he swallows, trying to gather himself.
"All troopers accounted for, sir," he reports. "One casualty, but all other injuries are non-life threatening. I've sent word to the barracks, but I don't know if anyone's heard us." He looks around the room, his expression grim. "I think we're on our own, sir."
You nod. You'd expected as much. Still, it's not the news you wanted to hear.
"Very well," you say, sighing. You reach out, placing your hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile. "Stay calm. What's your name?"
"Snap, sir," he answers.
"Well, Snap, let's do this one step at a time, okay?" You pat his arm and take a step back, taking a deep breath. "First things first. How many able men are here?"
"About forty, sir."
You bite your lip, calculating the numbers. It's not enough. Not by a long shot. But, it'll have to do.
"Alright, listen up," you declare, and the room goes silent. "We need to start clearing buildings. If we can create a clear path to the barracks, we can get our brothers the reinforcements they need. Now, the enemy is numerous, and they're well-armed, but they're also spread out. So, we're going to take advantage of that."
You pause and look at each trooper, their faces serious. Then, you turn back to Booker, giving him a nod.
"We're going to split into teams and work our way through the city, building by building, until we reach the barracks. Our goal is to clear as much ground as possible and take out as many droids as we can along the way. Commander Booker will be leading a team. I'll be taking the rest."
Booker stiffens, and he glances at you. "Sir?"
"Time to prove yourself, Commander," you tell him, and the room breaks into a flurry of excited murmurs. "I want you to lead a team through the east wing. You're a good shot. Take out as many droids as you can."
He's quiet for a moment, and then he nods, squaring his shoulders.
"You heard the General," he says as he turns back to the men, his voice firm and commanding. There's no trace of the nervousness he displayed only moments before. "Form up."
The troopers begin gathering their gear, the room filled with a newfound sense of purpose. You can't help but smile, and a wave of pride swells inside you. They may not be the most skilled fighters, but these men are brave, and they're determined. And, if the past few hours have shown you anything, it's that they're smart. They'll be fine.
Booker steps closer to you as the men move into formation, and he hesitates before pulling his helmet off, revealing a face you've seen a thousand times and a crooked smile that's all his own. His hair is dangerously close to being out of regulation for a shiny, and his eyes are bright and full of life.
"I won't let you down, sir," he vows.
"I know," you assure him, and his smile widens. "I'll see you on the other side, Commander."
He gives a final nod, and he jams his helmet back on, turning to the troopers who have assembled beside him. He barks a command, and the group disappears into the hallway. The remaining troopers turn to you, waiting for their orders.
You take a deep breath and steel yourself, feeling the weight of the battle heavy on your shoulders. You wave your hand, and the men follow you down the opposite corridor, their footsteps echoing behind you.
The halls are quiet, the only sound the hiss of the doors opening and closing as the men file out and the rain pattering against the glass above, the droplets running down the window.
It's dark, the lights flickering, and the building feels abandoned, a shell of its former glory. There are no signs of life, no indication that anyone is left behind, and the silence is unnerving. It's almost like a ghost town. Or a tomb. But, the droids are here, lurking somewhere, and you know that the fight is far from over.
You pass through the training facility, the space littered with broken equipment and shattered glass, the droid corpses scattered throughout. There are blast marks on the walls, scorch marks on the floor, the metal dented and twisted.
Somewhere, you know Obi-Wan is fighting General Grievous, and you pray to the Force that he succeeds. You'd never say it aloud, but you're glad it's him and not you. Not this time. He's faced the cyborg more than once before, and he's still standing. You can't say the same after your last encounter, and while the idea of having a rematch is tempting, the idea of facing that monster again terrifies you.
It's a selfish thought, and one that Obi-Wan would be disappointed in, but it's true. You're afraid. Afraid of the pain, of the horror, of the nightmares that plague you still. And, if you're honest, afraid of the darkness within yourself, the one that lingers, whispering in your ear. The one that you've barely kept at bay, but knows no bounds. You'd tempted fate once, and you'd nearly paid the price.
No, you're better off where you are, facing droids instead of demons.
"Sir," a voice interrupts, and you blink, realizing you've stopped walking. You feel a flicker of embarrassment as you look at the trooper who spoke, his helmet tilted, and you give a quick nod to speak. "We've cleared the building. No signs of life. No droids, either."
You let out a sigh, relief washing over you.
"Thank you," you say, giving him a smile. "Good work."
"Where to next?"
You consider his words, and you weigh the options. You know the barracks are in the north, and you're currently in the south. To reach them, you'll have to fight your way through the city, which is crawling with droids, and there's no telling what they have planned. They could have already taken the barracks, and you'd have no way of knowing until it was too late.
You look at the trooper, and he shifts under your gaze. "What's your name?"
"CT-4398, sir," he answers, his voice wavering slightly. "I mean, um, Dash. Sir."
You give him a small smile, trying to ease his nerves. He's young, barely out of his teens, and it's clear he's never been in the field before. "Well, Dash, what do you think?"
"Me?" he stammers. "I don't... I'm not sure..."
"It's okay," you reassure him. "Just tell me what you're thinking."
"Well, sir, I was just thinking...maybe we should check the control room," he says, gesturing down the hall. "It's just around the corner. We might be able to find out where the droids are coming from, and get some information on the barracks."
"Sounds like a plan," you say, smiling. You clap him on the shoulder. "I need you to man the control room with..." You blink, turning to the trooper next to him. "What's your name?"
"Screwball, sir," the trooper says. You try to disguise the laughter, but Screwball is already shaking his head. "Don't ask."
"Right," you drawl, and you turn back to Dash. "With Screwball. Monitor the communications. Try to raise the barracks."
Dash stares at you, and it’s only when Screwball slaps him on the back hard enough to send him stumbling forward does he finally snap out of his stupor.
"Y-yes, sir," he replies. "Understood, sir."
“I’ll watch him, sir,” Screwball adds confidently.
"Good," you say. You nod to the remaining troopers. "Let's move out."
As you continue down the corridor, you can't help but wonder if you're doing the right thing. If there's even a right thing. There's so much about this war that feels wrong, but it's still the clones, and their treatment, that trouble you the most.
They were created, not born. Taught, not raised. Molded, not nurtured. Their entire lives, they were engineered to serve, bred to fight. And, yet, there's so much more to them.
They're men, flesh and blood, and you can't help but feel responsible for their lives. These clones in particular, still so young, still so new. They've barely begun to live. To die now, here on Kamino, would be a waste. A tragic end to bright lives cut too short.
You can't allow that.
You won't.
Ahead, the corridor splits, the left leading to the control room, the right continuing on to the rest of the building. Dash and Screwball peel off, and the group continues. You're not sure what awaits you outside, but you're determined to face it. The odds are stacked against you, but so far, you've overcome the worst, and you've survived. You can do this. You can save them.
As the door slides open, and the rain batters against your face, you take a deep breath, steeling yourself for the battle ahead.
Booker and his squad are waiting when you finally meet up hours later, their armor drenched, their weapons hanging at their sides. You can tell they've been through the wringer, but the sight of them is a welcome relief. In fact, every single trooper on his squad is accounted for and then some — a score of fifteen men you haven’t seen before.
"I see you picked up some friends," you tease, giving him a tired smile.
Booker chuckles, and he shakes his head, his armor dripping. "A few stragglers, but I'm not complaining. Thought they might be useful."
"You thought right." You reach out and pat his shoulder, your fingers squeezing his plastoid. "Good work, Commander. I'm glad you're okay."
"I told you I wouldn't let you down," he reminds you. "Besides, it's not over yet."
He's right. You're still not even halfway through the city, and the storm is only getting worse, the waves crashing against the buildings, the wind howling.
You've cleared five buildings so far, and each one has been an ordeal. The droids are everywhere, and they're relentless. Your troops have had to fight their way through blockades, shoot down trident ships, and fend off swarms of B2s. It's been a brutal slog, and your body is exhausted, the adrenaline from the first few hours waning.
The good news is, there doesn't seem to be an endless supply of droids. The bad news is, there's still enough to pose a serious threat.
Your men have been hit hard, and more than a few have been wounded. Some are unconscious, and some are worse. Some were too injured to move, and you've done what you can to stabilize them, but the truth is, there's not much you can do. There's not enough bacta to go around, and there's no way to safely transport them.
It's a grim reality, and it's one that haunts you. Not long ago you'd felt the loss of every death, the pain and suffering washing over you. It had nearly driven you mad. Now, the feeling has faded, becoming nothing more than a dull ache. A reminder.
It's not right. None of this is right.
Your thoughts drift to Rex, and the image of his face is clear in your mind. He's alive, you can sense it. And if anyone can survive a battle, it's him, but that doesn't stop the fear from taking hold. It's irrational, and you know it, but you can't shake the dread that gnaws at you. He's the best fighter you've ever known, and he's faced death a hundred times before, and still, a part of you is terrified that this time, it'll be the last. That the nightmares you've dismissed as just that will become real again.
"You alright?" Booker asks, and you realize he's been staring at you.
You shake yourself free of the thought and look at him, a tight smile pulling at your mouth.
"I'm fine," you mutter. You run your hand through your hair, pushing the strands away from your face, and you turn to look over the rest of the troopers. “Tell the men to rest for a moment, and then we'll make a run on the barracks. I want a headcount, and we'll need to re-evaluate the plan. I'll brief you in a moment."
"Yes, sir." Booker gives you a lingering glance before he moves away, gathering the rest of the group. As the clones begin to settle down, taking advantage of the reprieve, you find yourself wandering away from them.
You walk away toward the edge of the platform, and your eyes scan the horizon. The lightning is still dancing across the darkened sky, a beautiful, terrifying sight. It's a reminder of the power you hold, of the power you're capable of wielding, and of the danger that lurks in the shadows.
It's also a reminder of how small you are. How insignificant.
You lift your communicator up and press the button, praying to the Force that Dash and Screwball were able to get the communications back online. When static fills your ears, followed by the voice of the young trooper, relief floods you.
"General, is that you?"
"It is," you say, leaning against the railing, the rain dripping down your face. "Status report."
"Well, uh, we haven't had any success reaching the barracks," he says, his voice shaky. "But, we did manage to restore the cameras."
"That's something, at least." You let out a sigh, and you close your eyes, trying to calm yourself. "How are we looking?"
There's a pause, and then a crackle of static. "Not great, sir."
"Define not great," you urge.
"The droids are surrounding the building, and they've got heavy artillery. Our brothers are holding them off, but the numbers are against them. At this rate, they're not going to last long."
"Shit." You open your eyes and stare into the distance, your mind racing. Dash quickly reads out the position of Obi-Wan and Anakin, both engaged in their own duels with Grievous and Ventress, and it's clear from the strain in his voice that he's barely holding it together. You need to get moving. But, the question is, where?
"Anything else?" you ask, trying to keep your tone light.
"The storm has caused a lot of damage," he replies, the words coming faster, almost tumbling over each other. "Several buildings have collapsed, and the waves are getting worse. The ocean is rising."
"Great," you groan, letting out a huff. "Just what we needed."
"Yeah," Dash sighs, and there's a hint of desperation in his voice. "We're running out of time."
"Stay calm," you tell him, though the words are meant for yourself. "Just keep monitoring the situation. Let me know if anything changes."
"Yes, sir," he replies.
"And, Dash? Watch out for Screwball. Don't let him do anything stupid."
"Too late," the other trooper shouts in the background.
You chuckle, shaking your head. "Yeah, okay. Never mind."
"I'll keep him safe, sir," Dash says with a weak laugh. "Good luck."
You close the connection, and you press the communicator against your forehead, taking a deep breath. The wind whips around you, the rain pelting your body, and the thunder roars above, a cacophony of noise. It's a fitting backdrop for the moment, a reflection of the chaos inside your head. You feel the darkness stirring within, its tendrils snaking their way around your heart, and you squeeze the railing tighter, trying to resist. Trying to fight.
You've never been a good strategist, but even you can tell this is a losing battle. Even if you were to somehow manage to make it to the barracks, there's no guarantee that you'll be able to turn the tide. You'll be walking straight into a firing line, and the odds are stacked against you. Still, you have to try.
After a few more minutes of trying to hail Cody, Obi-Wan, Anakin, anyone, it becomes clear the storm is causing the communications to fail. No amount of trying is getting you through, and you're fighting a losing battle against the frustration. If only you could use the Force, but the sheer amount of energy and concentration to reach out is not something you have the strength for, not after the battles.
With a frustrated growl, you slam your commlink down, the metal casing creaking. It's a pointless action, but it does make you feel better. For a moment, at least.
"Having trouble?" a voice calls out, and you spin around, the hilt of your saber already in your hand. Booker is standing behind you, his arms folded, a smirk on his lips. "Whoa, easy. I come in peace."
You lower your lightsaber, and you shake your head, a wry smile on your lips. "Sorry. Force of habit."
"You don't have to apologize, General." He steps closer and leans against the railing, his helmet tucked under his arm. The storm is picking up, and the wind is blowing his hair in all directions, but he seems unbothered, the rain trickling down his face. He turns to look at you, and he tilts his head. "I'll admit, I didn't think you'd be like this."
"Like what?" you ask, a note of caution in your voice.
"Well, like this." He waves his hand in a vague gesture, his eyes never leaving yours. "I don't know. I guess I just thought you'd be a little more...serious."
"I am serious," you insist, and he snorts, his gaze drifting to the sky.
"No, I know that," he chuckles. "But you've got to admit, you've got quite the reputation."
You sigh. "So I've heard."
"Don't take this the wrong way, sir," Booker says, his eyes shifting back to you. "But a lot of us were a little scared of you. Well, more like intimidated. We'd heard the stories, and we'd seen the footage, and well...you seemed pretty intense."
You raise an eyebrow. "Oh? What changed your mind?"
"You saved my life. Twice. And you gave me a chance to lead." He shrugs, and he leans forward, resting his elbows on the railing. "You didn't have to do that, sir, but you did. I won't forget that."
"I'm glad," you say, and you give him a small smile.
"Plus, the fact that you're a general who cares enough about us to save our asses is pretty nice." He pauses and glances at you, and then he looks away, his gaze distant. "Most generals would have left us to fend for ourselves."
You don't respond, not sure what to say. The truth is, there's no doubt in your mind that some of the other Jedi would have done exactly what Booker suggested. They would have seen the clone as sacrifices that had to be made, and they would have moved on. After all, it's not their job to protect them, or to train them. Their duty is to the Republic, not the individual. To the greater good, not the lesser evil.
It's a lesson you're not sure you'll ever be able to learn, not completely. Maybe that makes you naive, or soft, or too emotional. But, you don't care.
"I won't abandon my men," you declare, your voice firm and determined.
"Good." Booker nods, and then he pushes himself away from the railing, his expression grim. "Because we've got a battle to win, and we could use your help."
"Sir," a trooper calls, waving you over. "We're ready."
You turn back to Booker, your hands gripping the hilts of your sabers.
“Let’s move.”
It's early morning by the time the battle is won, and the sun is just beginning to rise. You're exhausted, and Grievous and Ventress have escaped yet again, but you're still standing, and Kamino is once again under Republic control. It's a small victory, but one that's earned.
Your clothes are soaked, your body is bruised, and your limbs are aching, but it's a sweet kind of pain, the kind that comes with survival. And, despite the loss of many, the clones have never looked more alive.
The storm is finally receding, the rain now nothing more than a drizzle, and the sky is streaked with vibrant hues of gold and pink through the transparisteel windows. You've never seen a sunrise like it.
The view is beautiful, and it fills you with hope, a sense of peace that seems impossible in the wake of the devastation. The sun is rising on a new day, and you know the ones you care about have made it through the night.
You've already spoken to Obi-Wan and Cody, and you can't help the relief that's washing over you. Both are alright, though a bit worse for wear, and the two men are leading the cleanup efforts, trying to restore order and repair the damage that has been done. Anakin is a little roughed up, but he's still in good spirits, and he's taken over coordinating the search and rescue effort, which is much appreciated.
You haven't spoken to Rex, though. Not yet. You haven't even had a chance to breathe, let alone try to locate him. But you can feel his presence through the Force, and you know he's alive, and for now, that's enough.
You’ve dismissed your contingent from your command, but that hasn’t stopped them from approaching you as you walk with Booker toward the medbay. He’s escorting you for your safety. Or at least, that’s what he says.
You can tell he’s lying, and you can tell he’s worried about you. He hasn’t stopped hovering since the battle ended, and he keeps a watchful eye on your surroundings, his hand never far from his blaster. It's an amusing gesture, but you appreciate the sentiment, even if you find it irritating.
He's a good man, and you can't help but feel proud of him. He's young, and he has a lot to learn, but he's also smart, observant, and he knows how to read people. That, combined with his skill with a blaster, makes him an ideal candidate. He'll be a great commander.
But, first, he needs some time. Time to recover from his injuries, time to process everything that happened, time to get used to being a leader.
“Almost there, sir,” Booker says, tugging you along when you stop to shake Snap’s hand. He gives the clone a wink, and then nudges you again, forcing you to keep walking.
You laugh as you wave your hand at him. "I can manage, Booker. I'm not that bad."
"Yes, sir," he chuckles. He glances down at you, and you can see his expression shift from amusement to concern, his eyes narrowed. You realize he’s staring at the scar stretched across your palm, the one that has long since healed, and you quickly fold both your hands behind your back. You'd forgotten.
"Sorry, sir," he murmurs. "I didn't mean to..."
"It's okay," you assure him quietly. "I know it looks strange. But, it's an old injury. From before the war."
Booker nods, but he doesn't look convinced. You can't blame him. The scars are strange, jagged lines that stretch across the palms of your hand, the skin raised and pale. You've never really gotten used to the sight of them, preferring to ignore their existence completely. But now that you know for sure that Dooku is responsible, you've caught yourself tracing the lines more than once in recent weeks.
Booker clears his throat, and he gestures toward the entrance to the medbay. "After you, sir."
You give him a look as you walk past him and step through the doors, the smell of antiseptic and bacta filling your nose. The room is large, and the white walls and floor reflect the fluorescent lighting, making it feel even bigger. There are rows of beds lined up against the wall, and medical droids moving between the patients. The place is crowded, and the air is filled with the sounds of moans and whimpers.
A Kaminoan lingers in the back of the room, watching with an unblinking focus that unnerves you, and you do your best to avoid her gaze. You’ve had enough of the Kaminoans and their superiority for one day.
“Wise!” Booker calls out as he pushes you gently to sit on an open cot. “Got a fresh one for you.”
A bald trooper currently arguing with a medical droid freezes and turns, his expression sour.
“Can’t you see I’m busy—" He stops short when he sees you, and the furious glare tempers slightly. "Apologies, sir, I didn't realize. I'll be with you in a minute, okay? Just—shit, put that down!”
"Um, no problem," you mutter. "Take your time."
You can't help but smirk as he smacks the droid with the back of his hand and turns back to it, berating it for its incompetence. You turn and raise an eyebrow at Booker. "Wise?"
"Short for wiseass," Booker explains, snickering. "But, don't tell him I told you."
You chuckle, and you settle onto the bed, pulling your legs up and crossing them. You're exhausted. Your muscles ache, and your head is pounding, but you know you'll have to wait a bit before you can rest. There are still things to do, and reports to write.
You look around the room, trying to distract yourself. The medbay is filled with clones, all sporting various injuries, some worse than others. You see a few you recognize, men who have fought at your side, and a few that were part of the original group you'd saved. Their injuries are mostly superficial, though one has a broken arm. He waves when he catches you staring, and you give him a nod.
“Alright, what can I do for you, sir?” Wise asks, stepping in front of you. He glances down at the carbon scoring on your armor and the gash on your cheek, and he raises a brow. "You don't look too bad, to be honest. Nothing a few bacta patches can't fix."
"Trust me, I've had worse," you laugh, shaking your head.
"I'm sure." He sighs, and he leans against the bed, a grimace on his face. "Listen, I've been working nonstop for the past six hours, and I'm dead tired. I just want to go to sleep and forget today ever happened. So can you just let me take a quick scan and say it's all good, please?"
"Sounds good to me," you say, nodding.
He gives a grunt, and he pulls a small scanner from his pocket, waving it over your body. A beam of light sweeps over you, the data scrolling across the screen, and Wise hums to himself, checking the readings.
You sit there patiently, trying not to fidget. You've never liked the medscanner. You always feel like it's judging you, somehow. And, while you know it's just a machine, the sensation of the beam running over your body is still uncomfortable, the feeling akin to that of someone staring at you.
"Well, the good news is, there's no internal bleeding," Wise declares, looking up. He puts the scanner down, his expression serious. "The bad news is, you have a mild concussion, you're dehydrated, your blood pressure is low, and your heart rate is elevated."
"So, normal," you quip.
"She has jokes." Wise sighs and turns, rummaging through the medkit. He pulls out a bottle of pills and a bottle of water. "Take these, drink this, and rest. You can have a bacta patch for that cut, and then you can get out of my medbay."
"That's it?" you ask, frowning. You're so used to Kix's fussing, the fact that Wise isn't nagging you about everything is a bit of a shock.
"That's it," Wise confirms. He presses the items into your hands, his eyes narrowing. "What, were you hoping for something else? Like a kiss, maybe?
You choke, the water dribbling down your chin, and Booker snorts.
"Don't push it, vod," Booker warns, but his words are laced with humor. "She could take your head off."
"And I'd enjoy every second," you add, popping the pills into your mouth and downing the rest of the water. You wipe your lips, a smirk tugging at the corner as the medic rolls his eyes.
"Fine. Just let me take a look at that gash."
Wise moves closer, and his hand rests lightly against your face, his fingers tilting your chin up. He's surprisingly gentle for someone so brash and grumpy, his touch careful, his gaze focused. He hums, dabbing the disinfectant on the wound. You barely feel it.
"Looks like you'll live," he says. He holds his hand out, and a medical droid places a bacta patch in his palm. As Wise applies the bacta patch, Booker moves to stand next to him, his hands clasped behind his back.
"How are things looking, Wise?" he asks, his voice casual. You know he's checking on the men, but there's a note of concern in his tone, a worry that he's trying to mask.
Wise doesn't bother hiding it. He huffs and turns his gaze to Booker, his scowl deepening. "They're holding on, but not much more." He pauses and glances at you, his expression darkening. "Some of the boys have had it rougher than others, but, well, that's war."
Booker nods, and he glances around the room, his gaze moving over the wounded men. You can't see his expression, but you can feel the shift in his emotions. It’s the first time he’s lost a man, and it won't be the last.
"It'll be alright, Booker," you reassure him.
He's silent, but he gives a small nod.
"If you need anything, I'll be in the back," Wise mutters. He pats Booker's arm, the gesture friendly, and then turns away, walking toward the next patient.
"Thanks," you call. He doesn't respond, and you let out a sigh. "I don't think he likes me."
Booker laughs, a real laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners. His earlier mood seems to have lightened, and he clasps your shoulder, giving it a squeeze.
"Are you kidding me? He loves you. I can tell," he insists. "That was practically a marriage proposal."
You roll your eyes. "Right. And I suppose you'll be my bridesmaid."
Booker opens his mouth to retort, but his gaze flickers, his attention caught by something. The medbay doors slide open, and a trooper in familiar blue and white armor steps through, his posture stiff, his helmet tucked under his arm.
Rex.
The room goes quiet, every clone in the room turning their head to follow his path as he walks. Rex doesn't seem to notice. He moves with purpose, his eyes scanning the rows of beds, searching.
He looks tired, his armor dented and scorched, his hair damp from the rain. There's a scratch on his cheek, a cut across his brow, and his bottom lip is swollen, split at the corner. But, he's alive. He's here, and he's standing.
And, he's looking for you.
You can feel the moment Rex sees you. His eyes widen, and he freezes, his jaw going slack. The wave of relief that washes over him is strong, so strong it's almost tangible. He lets out a shuddering breath, and his gaze moves over your face, taking you in. You do the same. And, for a moment, the two of you just stare.
Then, the world shifts back into motion.
Rex starts to move, his steps slow at first, almost hesitant, as if he's not sure he's seeing you. Then the hesitation disappears, and he's suddenly striding towards you, his gase locked on yours.
“Is that…” Booker straightens, his eyes wide, and he takes a reflexive step back. He gives a sharp nod to Rex as he approaches, and his hands fall to his sides, his fingers flexing. “Captain Rex, sir.”
Rex doesn't even acknowledge him. He stops in front of you, his chest rising and falling, his expression pained. His eyes roam over you, taking in the state of your armor, the gash on your cheek, and then, he finally meets your gaze.
You swallow, forcing yourself to breathe.
"We have to stop meeting like this," you say, trying to break the tension.
It doesn't work.
Rex doesn't say anything, but the pain in his eyes only intensifies, and the look is so raw, so visceral, that it takes your breath away. His mouth trembles, his lips parting, and his hand lifts, hovering for a second before falling to his side.
"General," he says, his voice hoarse.
"I'm fine, Rex," you assure him. You reach out and place a hand on his arm, giving him a reassuring smile. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, letting the air out slowly. When he opens his eyes, the pain is gone, replaced by something softer, and he gives you a small nod, a silent thank you.
“You okay?” you ask, and he gives a tight nod, his fingers flexing at his side.
"Yeah," Rex breathes. "You?"
"Never better."
He snorts, his lips twitching into a smile. "Liar."
"Maybe."
Rex shakes his head, and then, he finally seems to notice the man standing beside you. You glance at Booker, and you realize the clone has gone completely still, his back straight, his shoulders stiff, his expression one of awe and disbelief.
You bite your lip, trying to hide your amusement. You know the feeling. Rex is intimidating when he wants to be, and it's clear Booker is not immune to the Captain's commanding presence, or his reputation.
"Who's your friend, General?" Rex asks, his voice low. He raises an eyebrow, his eyes narrowing, and the corner of his mouth curves into a half-smile. You can feel his amusement, and it's a relief.
"Commander Booker, sir," Booker responds. He hesitates, his gaze flickering to you. "I...was assigned to the general. To protect her."
"Oh?" Rex's eyes shift, and he looks at you, his expression softening. "And, did you?"
"I did, sir." Booker sounds almost defensive, and his gaze darts to you, a flicker of uncertainty crossing his features. "I mean, not that she needs my help. She's a Jedi. She can handle herself. But, I was...there."
Rex hums, his lips pressed together, and his gaze moves over the trooper, assessing him. You can't help but roll your eyes. Rex is being difficult, and you know it. But, he can't seem to help himself, and he's enjoying the discomfort on Booker's face far too much.
"He saved my life," you add, and Booker lets out a relieved sigh. "Twice, actually."
"Twice, huh?" Rex's eyebrows shoot up, and he looks at the clone again, a new respect shining in his eyes. "Good work, Commander."
"Thank you, sir," Booker says. His posture relaxes slightly, and he lets out a small breath, his shoulders slumping. "It was an honor to serve with the General. She's a good leader."
"That she is," Rex agrees. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like a moment with the General."
"Oh, yes, of course," Booker stammers, and he takes a step back. He turns to you, a questioning look on his face. "General?"
"You're dismissed," you say. "Go get some rest, Booker. You've earned it."
He hesitates, his gaze lingering on Rex, and you can tell he wants to argue. But, he's smart, and he knows when to retreat.
"Yes, sir." He snaps a salute, his helmet tucked under his arm. "Goodbye, General. It was a pleasure serving with you."
You smile. "Goodbye, Commander. I'll see you around."
He nods and moves away, joining the group of clones who are standing near the doors. They exchange quiet words, their voices hushed, and then, they disappear.
"I like him," you announce as the door slides shut behind them, and Rex lets out a soft snort.
"I'm sure you do," he says, shaking his head. "He seems...eager."
"Be nice." You roll your eyes and nudge him playfully with your arm. "He fought well today. I’m putting my recommendation in to have him promoted officially. I think he'd make a good leader."
“If he’s got your approval, he'll do just fine," Rex says, his voice quiet.
"You're probably right." You pause, and then, you tilt your head, looking at him. "Why aren't you with the other men?"
"I was, but..." He trails off, his jaw working. Rex takes a step closer and glances at Wise, who's hovering nearby, doing a poor job of pretending not to listen, and he clears his throat. “Is the General clear to go? We have a briefing to get to.”
Wise gives a curt nod, and he waves a hand toward the exit. "All clear, Captain. You can take her."
"Good." Rex looks back at you. "Ready, General?"
You sigh. The last thing you want to do is attend another pointless briefing, but you know it's important. So, you nod.
"Ready."
He holds out a hand, and you take it, letting him pull you to your feet. You sway slightly, and his other hand settles at the small of your back, steadying you. He holds you like that for a moment, and then he releases you, his hands falling to his sides.
"Come on," he mutters, his eyes dark.
The two of you leave the medbay, the silence heavy between you. There's a tension in his posture, a strain in his voice, and a tightness to his jaw that tells you something's bothering him. And it's not just the eyes on the two of you.
"Is everything alright?" you ask.
"Everything's fine."
You study his face, trying to read his expression, but his mask is firmly in place, his thoughts hidden. It's easier to sense his emotions. Anger, frustration, pain, exhaustion, fear. All of it's there, swirling beneath the surface, but the reasons behind them are unclear.
Rex is one of the most self-contained people you've ever met, but you've gotten better at reading him over the months together. The slightest twitch, the faintest tremor, the briefest flicker. There's a whole language in those little things, and you're starting to learn it. And, right now, he's struggling.
You glance around the hallway, noting the curious eyes that linger, the whispers that follow, the stares that bore into your back. But the further you walk, the less people there are, and the quieter it becomes. Soon, the only sound is the steady thud of Rex's boots and the hum of the ventilation system.
“So, where’s the briefing?” you ask, trying to fill the silence. Your arms extend above your head in a stretch, and a yawn escapes your mouth, making you feel even more tired. You can't wait to sleep.
“There isn’t one,” Rex admits.
Your arms drop, your brow furrowing.
“Then why did you…”
Rex stops and turns to face you. His hands are clasped behind his back, and he's standing tall, his shoulders squared, his head held high. He looks every inch the soldier. A perfect example of discipline, restraint, and control.
But, his eyes betray him.
He's afraid.
You blink, surprised, and you open your mouth to speak, but Rex shakes his head. He reaches out and grabs your arm, tugging you into a nearby alcove, and you stumble after him. His grip is gentle, but there's a firmness to it that warns you not to fight him.
Once the two of you are alone, Rex releases your arm and takes a step back, and his hands ball into fists at his side. He takes a deep breath, his nostrils flaring.
"Rex," you say, trying to catch his attention. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
He doesn't answer. He's staring at the floor, his brow furrowed, his mouth set in a firm line. His jaw clenches, and his lips part, as if he's about to speak, but no words come.
You watch as his hands flex, the fingers curling and uncurling, and he runs a palm over his face.
"No, I'm not okay," he finally says, a rough exhale escaping him. His voice is strained, his words coming out in a low rasp. "I thought...I thought...for a minute, I..."
The realization hits you, and you close your eyes, taking a shaky breath.
He'd thought you were dead.
He'd thought he'd lost you.
And, judging by the look on his face, the pain he's clearly trying to mask, it's shaken him more than he'll ever admit.
"Rex," you breathe, your heart sinking.
You'd felt his emotions when the battle started, the worry and fear that had radiated from him, but you'd assumed it was because he knew what was coming, and because he was worried about the other men. You never thought it was because of you. Because he was scared for you.
You'd been so focused on your own feelings, on the dread and anxiety that had plagued you, that you'd never considered the possibility that Rex might feel the same way. That his thoughts might drift to you. That he might wonder if you'd made it through the storm.
The realization is painful, and it brings a lump to your throat. You feel guilty, and ashamed.
"I'm sorry," you whisper. "I didn't mean to worry you."
His gaze drops, and he shakes his head. "No, it's not your fault. I'm the one who's sorry. I should have...I shouldn't have let it get to me. I know better than to lose my focus like that. I just...when I heard the explosion, I..."
He stops and lets out a ragged breath, and his body sags, the fight draining out of him. You step closer, reaching up to place a hand on his cheek. His skin is warm, and his stubble scratches against your palm. Rex leans into your touch, his eyes fluttering closed, and his head tilts to the side, his nose brushing against your wrist.
"It's okay. You're allowed to be upset." You offer a small smile. "You're only human."
Rex doesn't say anything. He just sighs and covers your hand with his, pressing it closer to his skin. You can feel his pulse beating rapidly beneath your fingertips, and his grip tightens, as if he's afraid to let go.
"You're going to make me cry," you joke weakly, but the truth is, his pain is almost unbearable. It's too close, too real. You can feel it echoing inside you, and the weight of it is almost crushing. You hate seeing him like this. You hate knowing that you're the cause of it.
"Please don't," he mutters. His voice is rough, and there's a raw edge to it that makes your stomach twist.
"Why not?"
"Because I'll probably start crying, too," he confesses, a soft chuckle rumbling in his chest as he opens his eyes. "I've had a rough day."
You let out a weak laugh, trying to fight the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You blink, and a single tear rolls down your cheek.
Rex's eyes widen, and his face falls.
"Now you've done it," he grumbles, but there's a tenderness to his words that makes your heart swell.
His hands move to your shoulders, and he gently pulls you close, wrapping his arms around your body. Your face buries in his neck, and his chin rests on the top of your head.
"I'm glad you're alive," he whispers. His grip tightens, his fingers digging into the back of your robes. "When I didn't see you after the battle...I didn't know what to think. I couldn't find you. I didn't know where you were, or if you were even..."
You squeeze him harder, letting him know you're here, and he makes a soft noise in the back of his throat. You can feel his body trembling beneath your touch, and his hand reaches up, cupping the back of your head, his fingers tangling in your hair.
"I'm not going anywhere," you murmur, your voice muffled as you bury your face further into the crook of his neck.
Rex lets out a shaky breath. "Good."
You stand like that for a long moment, the two of you clinging to each other, neither of you willing to let go. You can feel his heartbeat slowing, his muscles relaxing, and his breathing evens out. His grip loosens, and his fingers trail through your hair, his nails scratching lightly against your scalp.
He needs this. He needs you. And, for once, he's letting himself have it
You know the feeling.
The war has taken its toll on both of you, and the weight of it has been a burden that you've borne separately and together. The endless battles, the constant stress, the loss of life. It's all wearing you down. You want to comfort him, to give him the support he so desperately needs, but you're not sure how. Not when your own emotions are so tangled. Nothing seems right, nothing seems enough. And, the words that come out are inadequate.
"We made it," you say, and the words sound hollow, even to you. "That's all that matters."
Rex makes a small noise, almost a laugh, and his hand moves to the back of your neck, his thumb tracing along the base of your skull.
"Yeah," he breathes. “Yeah, we did."
"We're okay," you remind him, pulling back to look him in the eye. You give him a smile, and he returns it, his eyes crinkling. "I promise."
Rex studies you for a long moment, his gaze moving over your face, as if trying to memorize every detail. His expression softens, and his hand moves to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing over the bacta patch.
"I'm going to hold you to that,” he murmurs. His voice is rough, his tone serious, but the corner of his mouth curves into a half-smile.
"Good. You should.”
"You know, if you keep saying things like that, I'm going to start thinking you actually care," he teases, his fingers trailing along your cheekbone.
You roll your eyes, and your hands move to his chest, pushing him away. He chuckles and pulls back, releasing his hold on you.
"You know what I meant," you say, wiping away the wetness from your cheeks. "And, for the record, I do care."
"I know," he replies softly, his eyes flickering. He clears his throat and glances away, his cheeks flushing, and you can't help but smile.
"I was worried, too," you confess. Rex's eyes snap back to yours, and his eyebrows rise. "About you, I mean. About all of you. I thought...well, I thought a lot of things. And, I'm glad none of them came true."
"Me too," he agrees. "I don't know what I would have done if..." He trails off, his voice fading, and his lips press into a firm line. He swallows and takes a deep breath, his hand moving to the back of his neck, rubbing at the tense muscles. "Sorry. I didn't mean to drag you into an empty hallway just to have a breakdown. I just..."
"You needed a minute," you finish, and he nods, his shoulders slumping.
"Something like that."
"You have nothing to apologize for," you tell him, giving his arm a squeeze. "It's been a rough day for all of us. And, you're not the only one who's a little shaken."
"You're right," he concedes, letting out a long exhale.
You pat his arm and offer him a smile, trying to lift his mood. “Besides, if we're keeping track of emotional breakdowns, I'm still way ahead of you. You're gonna have to try a lot harder if you want to catch up."
Rex huffs and shakes his head, his lips twitching.
"Well, I don’t think this war is ending anytime soon," he quips. "I'll have plenty of opportunities."
"True."
You give a sigh and lean against the wall, resting your head back. You can feel the exhaustion starting to catch up with you, and your body is heavy, the weight of the past few hours weighing down on you. You close your eyes and let out a groan, wishing you could just crawl into a bed and sleep for the next ten years.
Rex moves to stand beside you, his shoulder pressing against yours. The heat radiating from his body is comforting, and you lean into him, savoring his closeness. He turns his head, his eyes searching your face, and you meet his gaze, a faint smile on your lips.
"Thank you," he murmurs. "For letting me have a minute."
"Any time," you tell him, and you mean it. He's done so much for you. He's given so much of himself. You'd give anything to ease his pain, and if a minute is what he needs, you'll give him that. It’s the least you can do.
His lips part, as if he's going to say something, but no words come out. His eyes drop to your mouth, and his jaw tenses, his throat bobbing. Then, he shakes his head and lets out a soft chuckle.
"What?"
"Nothing," he says, and his gaze lifts, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. "You're just...you're a good friend, General."
The word friend stings more than you expect, and you bite the inside of your cheek, forcing yourself not to grimace. You can't blame him for saying it. Not when it's the truth. You are his friend. But a small part of you had hoped...well, it doesn't matter.
"Right," you say, your smile a little strained. "So are you."
Rex gives a nod and turns his gaze away, looking down the hallway. He seems lost in thought, his brow furrowed, his lips twisted, and you watch as he looks left and right, checking to see if the coast is clear. There's a moment of hesitation, and then, he sighs and turns back to you, his expression softening. He looks almost shy.
"I..." He stops and takes a deep breath, as if he's steeling himself for what's to come. "Here."
He pulls up his vambrace, and you watch, confused, as he taps a few buttons. His finger hovers over one of the controls, and then he presses it.
A second later, your commlink begins to chime. Your eyes widen, and you quickly pull it out to silence it, staring at the display that pops up. You glance up at Rex, and his cheeks flush, his hand rising to the back of his neck as his eyes avoid yours. He's nervous. He should be. He’s breaking about a dozen regulations by giving you his private frequency, and you know it. He knows it.
And, yet, here he is, giving it to you anyway.
It's dangerous, risky, and foolish, but neither of you seem to care. The war is already hard enough, and the idea of keeping each other at a distance, especially now, is an unnecessary cruelty. So, you don't argue. You save the contact, and you tuck your commlink away, giving him a smile.
"Just in case," he mutters, his gaze finally meeting yours.
"In case what?"
"In case you need me," he says. His voice is quiet, but there's a strength to it, a resolve. "Or, in case I need you."
You stare at him, unable to speak. The look in his eyes is so tender, so earnest, that it takes your breath away. There's something else there, too, something deeper, and you can feel the heat rising to your cheeks. You have to look away.
"Got it," you manage.
Rex gives a small nod, and he pushes himself off the wall, moving to stand in front of you. His hands settle on your shoulders, his thumbs tracing circles against the fabric of your tunic.
"We'll see each other soon," he promises. "Just...let me know when you get back to the Temple. Okay?"
"I will," you agree.
"Good."
Rex gives you one last smile, and then he releases you. You watch as he walks away, his footsteps echoing in the corridor, before he disappears around the corner, leaving you alone.
You take a deep breath and try to compose yourself, smoothing the front of your robes. Your hands are trembling, and your heart is racing, but you ignore the feelings, burying them. It's just stress, you tell yourself. It's been a long day. You're just tired.
Your eyes trace the panels along the walls, and you stare up at the ceiling, the white lights overhead. You take a deep breath and close your eyes, clearing your mind. When you open them, you feel calm, the momentary panic fading.
There's a sudden ping from your commlink, and you jump, startled. Your fingers fumble with the device, and you quickly bring it up, tapping the display.
Stay safe.
The words make your heart skip a beat, and you type out a response without hesitation.
Always.
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@sensitive-shark @kashasenpai @kkdrawsdecently @isaidonyourknees
#the clone wars#captain rex#clone captain rex#captain rex x reader#rex x reader#roy writes#event horizon
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Me, reading before bed: I don't think I know how to recognize what it feels like "put my heart into" things because I struggle to recognize most positive emotions since I dissociate so much by default and kind of just passively exist in life. Passivity is my default state and it blocks me from experiencing and feeling things.
Loki, fully aware of the dissociative disorder and trauma this all stems from because we've had this conversation before: Yup. Let's maybe hold onto the realization this time, shall we?
#screaming into the void#he really is so patient with me but also definitely isnt going take any of my 'i dont like being present its new and scary' and#'i dont know if i actually would even be anle to recognize what it feels like to not live passively and actually be present#so is it even worth it to try?'#reasonings behind why i struggle with with this concept#and truly i dont fully understand what people mean when they talk about being present i am just along for the ride my man#it is hard to want to love actively in my own life i dont like it its not comfy it fills me with anxiety and i have that with being passive#so why bother you know?#but apparently living activily does have its benefits and perks#so we work on that#even if it scares me so much i kinda wanna hurl my guts up#i do suspect this is part of why loki is pushing me toward witchy things#because it both piques my curiosity and interest and also kind of forces me to be present#so like kudos to him for weaponizing my autism against me#i feel like this isnt very coherent but all that to say im being gently bullied over here
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absolutely hilarious to me the contrast of writing happenstance while occasionally getting inspiration & drafting stuff for my next project which is… drastically different 😅 here’s a wholesome scene about the power of friendship & love 😊 ok now here’s a family of deeply hurt & flawed individuals with absolutely no hope of salvaging any of their relationships ever 💔
#scream au is gonna be so different from anything else I’ve written if I follow through with it 😱#it’s honestly fun tho. really a fan of the scene I just drafted between Azula & kiyi. I usually write them with a wholesome twist#but uh. don’t count on much wholesomeness from the fire fam at any point if I do this idea 😅😅#there’s something delicious about two traumatized people who just absolutely fucking loathe each other tho you know#no hope kinda shit can be sexy sometimes what can I say <3#like. the. we could’ve been besties in another life maybe but it’s too late for that now & there’s no going back in time#also having fun letting kiyi be a little awful. as a treat#I should stfu this project is SO hypothetical#I need to stop vague ing 💀#rose.txt
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ooooh i woke up in a bad mood and it's so hard not to be a bitch about it
#i don't want to ruin the mood for my family so i'm just laying in my bed and think about everything that pisses me off#and i'm getting more and more mad about it#come to think of it it's kinda funny but also really frustrating#i probably just need to cry because i've been extremely tired and stressed for the past week#but i don't want to make myself sad on purpose so now i'm really angry over literally nothing lol#for example today i saw my colleague and turns out she knows my father#and she was like 'oh your dad really misses you!! he mentions you all the time!!' and i was like '....really?.....'#because i thought he didn't care at all (and the feeling is kinda mutual)#because call me crazy if you want but if i miss someone i just go talk to them.... problem solved........#we barely talk but apparently he's yapping abt me all the time to everyone so everyone thinks that he's oh such a loving and caring dad#which makes me look like a bitch of a daughter#which is like#on one hand i couldn't care less#but on the other#why would you talk about missing me to other people and bever bother to try and talk to me yourself??#though i probably dodged a bullet#talking to him is extremely hard because he's incredibly stuffy? boring? english doesn't have enough words for that#and i don't wanna listen to him talking about himself for 2 hours straight without having a chance to interrupt him 🤩🤩🤩#ooof#idk how to stop being mad i probably need to distract myself somehow#anyway there is probably a ton of mistakes here but i'm too lazy to fix them#idk i wish i could scream so loud that every bad thought in my head would disappear forever#i'm so tiredddddd
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so a super old friend from literal primary school just reached out to me for the first time in like over a decade and they have a kid now and stuff and I'm just sitting with the fact that I'm like almost in my late 20's and literally have nothing to show for it.
Like 'what have you been up to'
Literally nothing. Trauma and nasty people being nasty. Im essentially back to where I was as a teen. So anyway, cute kid 🥺 I'm gonna keel over and die now.
#no but its literally super sweet of them to reach out obviously cause they 100% did have to at all#like we initially went to the same high school but they moved to a different school cause bullying and we kinda grew apart#like they have always been a super nice person to me and because of all the shit ive been through this past decade#i really dont have any friends left so having someone think of me made me super teary and sad#anyway maybe check in on people you used to be friends with cause they may be going through some tough times and its just nice to hear that#someone is thinking of you#i could literally ball my eyes out cause i experienced such debilitating mental illness as a kid that i didnt have treated til in my 20s an#i feel like its a huge reason none of the people that i thought were my friends stuck around and i just feel super lonely a lot#like yay my brains finally healing but now what#anyway sorry to ramble im just a bit fragile right now#its brought up a lot of really nice memories and i just cant believe how old those memories are and i wish i was a better friend#not dnp#lol#bipswordvomit#sorry i try to keep my real life off here for the most part but i guess anonymously screaming into the digital void is freeing sometimes
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what do you think it’d take to get the irls to they/them me consistently
#i am SO FUCKING TIRED of she/her i am going to SCREAM#under usual circumstances i am an all pronouns no preference kinda guy!#HOWEVER! with the addition of the recent Anger! my patience grows thin! they/them or perish!#i just think it’s fucking boring that all i ever get is she/her even from other queer folks#like come onnnnnnn you are so lame for that. switch it up sometimes#props to the irls who he/she me in the same sentence. mal adya ily. other people who’ve also done that ily-#-but those two are the only ones i can think of bc it is 1 in the fucking am#aaaaaanyways all this to say if you consider us close and you consistently she/her me we are not as close as you fucking think#(<- don’t take this seriously it’s 1 am i’m overreacting. we are still close. but please for the love of god STOP EXCLUSIVELY USING SHE/HER)#i use multiple sets of pronouns for a FUCKING REASON it’s not for FUN (it’s kinda for fun) it’s for my SANITY#three o clock speaks#y’all i’m delirious i hate being awake for this long. but i do not wanna sleep
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recently ive been getting really sick of my neighbors i wish that i had a bunch of money so that i could buy up their houses and only let people i live live near me
#neighbors 1 used to be friends but theyre trumpies and also neglect and borderline abuse their dog#i like river hes not a bad dog but hes not trained well and is a very large and powerful dog and really really wants to kill my cats#and they just let him loose wander in the road wander into other peoples yards and hes trapped me and my mom outside because#he tries to force his way into our house if we try to go back inside of our house and i kinda dont want my cats guts splattered everywhere#neighbors 2 have a fenced in yard with a lab and a husky that they leave outside all of the time in their yard#as far as i know they dont have a dog house or even food and water out there and absolutely no toys and the dogs bark constntly#probably because theyre so bored outside in the hot weather usually without shade and no entertainment they bark at each other#or anyone in the yards of the neighboring houses or they bark at the door begging to be let back inside or bark at the windows#and theyre patriots too they got one of those huge skeletons last halloween and theyve kept it up ever since changing out the spotlight#for holidays which initially i really liked i thought it was funny but then for memorialday/july 4th they dressed in patriotically#and i hate america so . i hate them and how they neglect their dogs#neighbors 3 they are related to the one good neighbor BUT. theyre married (?) and they scream at each other arguing all of the time and#because of the geography of where we live it echos right to our house very loudly and it gives me anxiety and they have a kid or kids#who sometimes cry loudly because they scream yell at each other loudly i kinda hope they (not the kids) go to hell#neighbors 4 i . im not sure if theyre newer here but they also have dogs but so far theyve kept them on leashes i think?#except for that one time where their dog just. walked up to me. idk if they let the dog loose on purpose or if it was accidental#but recently me and my mom were outside messing with the garden and They are also a couple and were screaming at each other#also ! i love straight people 😍 please breakup or get a divorce or move away or go to hell youre fucking crazy people go to therapy#and then theres the people on super loud motorcycles or in super loud cars and then theres the other neighbors with the isra hell flag#and the other neighbors that i SUPER SUPER SUPER HATE and have hated for YEARS ecause i went to school with one and hes#racist as fuck i hope he dies or something. and because of them we dont even go down the road that way#they have free roaming animals that would go into the road and they run some ? atv repair or something out of their house and sometimes#completely occupy the whole road loading shit or something. like if you want stereotypical redneck assholes its them#and i hate all of these people so much. mutuals you should live here instead of them. its the blue ridge mountains its higher altitude#its pretty but sometimes it rains and causes something of a 'creek' to flow but were on a mountain so it flows down and away#and well sometimes the sewer smells really bad for some reason idk but like . its fine dont worry about it#and bears might drag your trashcans up the mountain but just dont leave food outside and they wont do that#we have a . shockingly beautiful ?? dumpster on the road too so its okay 👍#dear lird i just scrolled up and thats a lot of words . o well
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#i know i won't shut up abt 5sos but the real question is will i ever go to a better gig than darren criss in [redacted] 2023#like i didn't even know half his songs before i went and i still had the best time i've ever had at a gig#literally the energy in that room was insane#and like... better than any gig i've ever been to in melbourne like#smth about being in a smaller place that artists don't often come to Especially not internation acts#everyone was so like... polite?#like they were doing concert so well they weren't being assholes and yelling when it wasn't their turn :')#which is so annoying i hate when a crowd is so roudy that it feels like a classroom and the teacher is waiting for everyone to shut up#like we can still have a good time if u respect the fact that some of us are spending hundreds even just Getting here#idk maybe i'm a music snob i just think there's something so magical in a quiet room full of people#like when something really beautiful has happened you can sit in it for a second#the pressure to cheer like... the idea that a moment of silence will somehow offend the artist who created the moment#i tried to find another concert on the tour where the crowd was as in the moment as we were for the line#'i believe there is music in the silence' and then he like#puts the guitar down and heads to the piano to do the rest#but it was so gorgeously quiet it was breathtaking i cried#it might have helped that he played the first half entirely accoustically no mic no amps#bc the venue was small enough and also designed to amplify naturally#but we all had to be so quiet to make sure everyone heard it so it just#the music hung in the air so magically y'all art is so good i'm still crying nothing will ever beat that concert i'm still chasing that hig#luke was nearly that magical but tbh..... the audience kinda ruined it for me at times :/#also he was nervous and kept cutting off the moment by saying 'thank you' like we get it ur a humble king but like#you have to let a song like place in me Breathe when it's done#you have to give the crowd a chance to go holy fucking shit what the fuck and THEN start screaming and Then thank them#but i'm truly such a snob it's the worst#honestly thinking abt how those lads are always improving tho he'll get there#by the time he's darren criss' age he'll be killing it even more they all will
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anyways i am feeling kinda brave today so im gonna share a potentially unpopular taylor swift hot take. when i was talking to my friend yesterday about ttpd i realised that i kinda have a similar problem with the anthology as i do with evermore.
like don't get me wrong, both have absolute gems (willow, tolerate it, long story short, gold rush and NBNC from evermore are great and i love the albatross, so high school, the prophecy black dog, manuscript etc) but i think both collections (bc anthology is not an album) suffer because they came out connected to a much superior more cohesive work, and both almost feel like rejects from the body of work that proceeded it.
#actually like i said to my beloved mutual “thanK you aIMee” kinda feels like she woke up one day and went “fuck you kim actually”#which i can kinda relate to in a way bc the amount of times i randomly go “fuck you”#but my mutual said if there were more songs about being screwed over by people that could be a storyline. but theres not. its just there#like its a great song but also i kinda went “we are covering this ground again”#if there were new developments in the relationship i could kinda understand it#like how she wrote innocent and then backtracked that with rep bc things happened#but idk the anthology just feels like scraps she deemed good enough for release but in my opinion needed editing#the stupid ass 1830s lyric highlights this bc i get what shes trying to say but she worded it so badly#that i kinda see why its being clowned on#also imgonnagetyouback... yehahahahah liv did it better. now it feels like a done concept. im shocked she included it#she knew it was coming come on#anyways the anthology while good kinda felt unfinished#she should have given it a few more months and polished it#bc holy hell at least folkmore felt polished#even though evermore is cohesively weaker#my friend who is a folkmore swiftie kinda also feels like this fyi so dont come at me screaming “burn 1989 rep midnights stan!”#burn me idc#and while im at it both are in my bottom three only right above debut#tldr: both collections are tied to another work thats just so much better and cohesive#this is just me saying i cant get into anthology hahaha#and i felt weird bc everyone liked it but when my friend a literal folklore girl said “no im not feeling it” i felt better#bc so many people were saying it was better and those swifties were going 'all of us' and i kinda went... no i prefer standard#i love taylor sm and i love og ttpd its currently no 5 but the anthology has issues and one of them is similar to why i rank evermore lowl#i just went off on a tangent about the issues with the anthology and its songwriting and lack of narrative#i will say so i win you all over i loved the evermore set at eras i thought it was so beautifully done#taylor swift#ttpd: anthology#evermore
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