#there was legit a graveyard in there

[lizard-dumbass]

Oh how I wish there was a forest near where I live

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

Robin: I’m afraid ghost cats don’t show up either, buddy…

[whoviandoodler]

they're grooming each other I'm screaming, I didn't mean to be this literal when i called them a pack of kittens left to fend for themselves (are they just fixing each other up? yes. will i ever not compare them to kittens left in a cardboard box in the rain? no)

[ID: a panel from schoolbus graveyard depicting ashlyn getting her hair fixed up by taylor and aiden whilst ashlyn reads something on a paper. In the foreground, ben is fixing up tyler's waist bandage and logan is standing to the side, listening to ash. End ID]

[stardoor]

Not to doompost but I don't think I've ever been as frustrated by a show renewal as I am with Dead Boy Detectives. It's mainly because of my attachment to the characters and the story, of course, but it's also because it's not reaching as many people that could be interested by it as it should. And it's not something I can do anything about (I've already made 5 friends watch it - they loved it, I've been replaying it in the background - on my 8th rewatch rn). It just feels like wasted potential and everyone, the crew, the fans, will most likely be hurt in the end, no matter the outcome.

Had it been able to show its full potential I wouldn't mind, people are not liking it - fine. But that's not the case. I feel helpless and I'm mad on behalf of everyone involved.

DBD deserves better. Objectively. It really does.

[shuutingstar]

I’ve been watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine recently and I had the idea of a detective/cop au with the sbg cast because it’d be funny.

Under the cut cuz I made it too long.

Basically, what I’m working with here is that Ashlyn’s either the sergeant or captain of the squad. I haven’t completely decided yet but I’m fine with either. Anyhow, Aiden’s kinda like Jake in B99 where he’s really smart and can solve a case no problem but has a tendency to joke around and not follow the rules entirely. He’s also really stubborn. I was thinking Tyler and Aiden could have the rivalry/bet that Amy and Jake had going on in s1 ‘cause it’d be funny to see them try and beat the other in most cases solved.

For Logan I was thinking he’d be the best on-field (cuz yk he’s good with a gun) and best shooter the precinct has. Taylor would be good at getting info from perps and she’d be an amazing “good cop” while Ashlyn would play “bad cop” or they could switch. I don’t think it matters. Ben would be real intimidating but he’s just a big softie. He’s like the nicest cop at the precinct and enjoys being a secondary rather than a primary (like he doesn’t want to take the lead role on cases a lotta the time cuz yk he can’t talk) but he’s still a very valuable person to the squad.

For whatever plot this au has I think it’d be cool to have it interlink with the phantoms and the phantom dimension in some way. Like maybe there are a series of murders where the killer maims/disfigures the victims’ bodies and the squad have to solve it, but it’s a difficult case because there are people trying to cover up the murders — like maybe the Cranes (or whatever their organisation is called) or something. Also, they could give the serial killer a name like “the phantom or smth” or you can still add the phantom dimension into the au if you want to but at its core this au is just about shits and giggles.

Like I want to see Aiden arrive at work and drink his third tea of the day — cuz he’s a tea guy — and I wanna see Ben sit at his desk and prolong his paper work because listening to music is so much better. I want to see Logan have tons of flowers at his desk because his grandparents were so happy he’d finally gotten the job he had worked for; Taylor fixing the printers everyday because Logan got kind of mad when the printer stops working. (He took a hammer and smashed it.) I wanna see Tyler come to work with more than one lunch bag because he decided to make the others lunch. I WANT TO SEE FLUFF. If you get what I mean.

I’d also like to clarify that im not trying to undermine anyone’s intelligence/skills in any way. They’re all skilled and perceptive and great detectives they just show it differently. Like Ben get intel by silently reading you whereas Tyler tries a more aggressive approach which contrasts with Taylor’s calculated questions and answers and Ashlyn’s perceptiveness to body language. Logan’s all about finding the facts first and building off of there, so he’s kind of in between everything when solving a case but the clue board is his go-to and Aiden just kinda fuck’s around and finds out.

[ravenous-feast-of-love]

See? This is what happens when you don’t let me have your mind. All these silly things happen.

If only you were to tell me all of you deepest, darkest secrets. Maybe then things will be better…

[spearxwind]

Hello everyone I gotta share this bc i am so proud. Today I cleaned up my drafts, ever since i joined this site I had not cleaned them so I had accumulated around 1200 posts.... all of which I spent my whole morning manually deleting. I am now down to the measly number of 6 and feeling hella accomplished like. wow. I can finally use these again properly, thank fuck

[ardent-fox]

Last Line Tag ✒️✨️

Thank you to the wonderful @energievie for tagging me to write the last line of my WIP, a flower of your choice for you! 🌹💙

Confession time: I abandoned all my WIPs over 3 months ago and am unsure if this filthy one will see the light of day at this point, but this is still technically the last line I wrote, so here 🤲

"Sorry, Mick," he breathes as he takes hold of Mickey's cock with his other hand, a moan escaping him when he feels Ian's fingers squeeze deliciously around him. "I'm not on the table tonight."

I haven't really been keeping track of stuff lately, but tagging @whatthebodygraspsnot, @gallawitchxx, @metalheadmickey, @arrowflier, @crossmydna, @thisdivorce, @bravemikhailo, @mmmichyyy, @squidyyy23, @imikhailotakeyouian, @lalazeewrites, @ian-galagher, @liamgallaghers, @look-i-love-u, @flamingbluepanda, @sisitrip and @ianandmickeygallavich if you have anything you'd like to share! ✨️

[seilon]

gsghshhggg job interview at Big Fancy Hotel in like 8 hours………… fear

[catherea]

.

[leatherbookmark]

nnn enst had so many cool relationships though. wish it wasn't Like That but alas we cannot have everything. but like. a perfectionist puppeteer and his dolls, from which one can't handle the toxic relationship and bolts, and the other stays only for them to become more like partners While still doing shit like 'maintenance' (i'm talking about human high schoolers here). a chronically (?) sick rich boy who destroys a bunch of people's lives only to fall in love with one of them. whatever the fuck rkg have going on, aka nonconsensual puppy/age play x yearning for the version of a person that's not there anymore x hating the way they treat you x nonetheless wanting to follow them into the future. izuleo. that's good meat. wish it wasn't Like That though

[occultdaddy]

I play on a modded viewer smp and one of the mods makes it so it spawns graves and graveyards with loots.

So whenever I come across a graveyard....

And it's my job

To steal and rob

GRAVES!

[evilminji]

You know all those Cults in Gotham?

Bet at least ONE of them could spring for both a Legit Magic User and a Cloning pod.

Because The Wayne's? Hearts of Gold. Long standing pains in the asses. Probably the only thing standing between this gods forsaken wasteland of a city and Their Dark Lord. For GENERATIONS no less!

It's sooooo obnoxious!

So they want to Curse Um dead. Just a good ol fashioned bloodline curse. Destroy um from within, etc. BUT! To do THAT? You kinda need a blood relative to sacrifice!

And Bruce is... well... rather infamously An Orphan With No Biological Kids (at that point).

So? What do you do? Make one, obviously. You send in some of your own on a Holy Mission. Honeypot that playboy! Get us a kid to sacrifice! Our God will reward you etc! But... FFS! What? Are brunettes not your TYPE or something?! Pretty lady! Throwing herself at you!!

TAKE THE BAIT!

But he DOESN'T. Because he's both really used to that behavior, as The Wayne Heir and a False Playboy, AND because? He's fuckin Batman. He can see through your schemes.

Okay.

Okay!

Plan B!

Get us some DNA. We'll CLONE the sucker. That should be doable, right?

........OH COME ON! How?!

Batman: [REDACTED] / Cultists: 0

Fuck it! This is impossible! How are we supposed too... *eyes drift over to the Wayne Family Private Graveyard* .......Idea? Ideeeeaaaa~! Someone get us a shovel!

So they, cultist bastards that they are? Fuckin rob a grave for some DNA.

OBVIOUSLY though, it can't be one of the more RECENT graves! He probably VISITS those! Watches them! No we gotta be SNEAKY! Get one a bit further back! Mwahahahaha! We're so brilliant! Our God is gonna give us SUCH a Good Grade in follower!

A thing that is both REAL and possible to achieve!

So, while a Weirdly FURIOUS Batman? Is just... VIOLENTLY breaking ALL of their bones? Cultist 17 is furiously digging like his life depends on it. Either somebody snitched or Batman was hunting them down! Either way?

Gotta! Get! That! DNA!!! *digs faster*

Ah HA! Got it!

Fucking SCATTER! Run you fools, RUN!!! *everyone bolts*

And AT LAST! They have it! Wayne DNA! Now? Pop that sucker into the machine and make us a baby! Too sacrifice! *relieved noises* Man, that was hard work you guys. But we DID it!

Except??

Theoretical Babies? And "Real, slowly forming in front of me and becoming a human child" type babies? VERY DIFFERENT psychologically. It's ONE thing to sacrifice a HYPOTHETICAL baby... but when you're the guy running and monitoring the Cloning machine? Watching it slowly form and come together into... into a CHILD?

You start asking questions of yourself. Of God.

Of what, EXACTLY, you are willing to do.

What lines you find yourself unwilling to cross.

And yeah, your life was SHIT before the cult. Yeah, you were alone. Adrift. Without purpose. Angry at the world for all of its ugliness and failings. But... sitting, alone, in a dark room? Nothing but the steady hum of machines and the cool light of that pod? You are left with nothing but time... and your thoughts.

And the baby.

The one... the one YOU made.

Almost... he's almost like a son, in a way. Your son. Floating there, innocent and unknowing. Destined to be born, only to die painfully, for a cause he could not even begin to understand. Because he's too young. Too small. Just... just a baby.

The baby YOU made.

Doubt seeps in like mist. Creeping into the cracks forming in your faith. Surely there's another way, right? Why not save up for a better magician? Or... or hire a hitman? Why involve a child? Surely... surely your God would not WANT this, right? Or if He did! Surely, he would want the boy to be able to CHOOSE, right? A noble sacrifice, for the cause?

The pressure builds. Batman is tearing the city APART looking for your fellow Believers. Leadership is pressuring you to get "It" ready all ready.

He's not an "it".

They are dismissing your questions. Threatening and posturing, as you grapple with your faith. Where? Where is the COMMUNITY that you joined? The camaraderie? Every day, Believers are being torn down. The faith has lost so many!

How can this be WORTH it?

Your faith is slowly, cruelly, strangled in your chest. A death, by ten thousand silences, and ten thousand more cruelties.

Your son is ready.

You do not tell them.

The Clone of Bruce Wayne's great-grandfather is small, but healthy, in your arms. A tiny warm body, with a strong beating little heart. You call the police. Leave your phone, call running, on the desk. No one thinks to stop you, as you calmly walk out the back door.

Why would they doubt?

You are Faithful.

You drive. Pray to a God you have lost faith in, beg forgiveness for what you do now. Your beat up old junker of a car makes decent time, as you leave Gotham. Your son, asleep in a carefully made nest of blankets, on the seat next to you. You drive. You keep driving.

Past towns.

Past cities.

Out of the state.

Stopping only to feed your son and fuel your car. You... you can not bring yourself to care about what will happen to you now. You know they will find you. Know this is the end. But something ancient burns in your chest. A caring you never thought was REAL.

You are afraid.

But you will not let them harm your son.

Finally, a town. Far from Gotham. Quite and cheerful. It calls to you.

Here. It... it has to be here.

You find the hospital. Tears choking you. There is a place to drop of children. You've seen them before. How strange, that now you stand before it and HURT. Your arms not listening to your command. You... you have to do this. You HAVE too.

He is just a baby.

He is your son.

You have to keep him safe. And... and that can not be with you.

You gently put your baby boy into the drop off. Press the buzzer. And then? You make yourself walk away.

Get back in your car, and drive. The gun in your glove box will insure they can never pry from you, what you have done. Where he is. He is safe now. He has to be. You... you did your job. As his father. You made sure he was safe.

You can barely see the road, through your tears.

You take your secrets to the grave.

And Danny? He grows up. Is adopted young and never knows different. Both a Fenton and a Wayne. Knowing only one of these, to be his. But... that Wayne? Was a damn fine man. A pillar of his community and a champion of the people.

Got tossed more then a few blessings, in his life.

They weren't the STRONGEST. But they added up. And more importantly? Were hardly the refined magics of the more powerful. They were cast onto "Him". By blood and bone, more often then not. Which was all well and good!

When there was only ONE of "Him".

Cloning technology did not exsist. So why would you word carefully against it? Danny becomes a VERY lucky boy. Survives many things he should not. In fact, the kindness and hard work of his original? Gifted back in magically powered well wishes? By this, he survives something NO ONE could possibly expect him too.

It saves his life.

His template would be quite pleased, knowing that. That his life of good deeds, saved the life of the child he never got a chance to meet. That it protected his children, from even beyond death.

And in Gotham? At long, long last. The program Bruce made in his helplessness and despair, to search EVERY child until the child made of his bloodline was found? Spits out a match.

A Watchtower engineer.

Daniel J. Fenton.

@hdgnj @hypewinter @lolottes @babbling-babull @nerdpoe @mutable-manifestation

[hunterbunter3000]

if theres anything i love more its chaotic sweetheart oml its so fckin funny

i just thought of like during TF 141 missions, meetings or just out of nowhere sweetheart will sometimes say "omg this reminds me of when i got ban from the aquarium in [where ever tf] cause i jumped into the shark tank to pet the sharks" or she hears that they're going to a place like italy or europe for a mission and shes like "im actually ban from like 3 of their museums" or whatever

and the team think shes fucking with them but they find out its true because she has videos and pictures of her doing these things and they're all like : 😦😟😀 huh??

like imagine they're at a zoo or aquarium and shes like "bet me $20 to jump in?" and they're all actively trying to hold her back so she doesn't get banned again 😭 they have her on those backpack leashes when they go out 💀

HAHAHHAHA I CANT

THIS IS SO HER 100000%%%%

She said something unhinged before, but they didn't believe her

(TF 141 watching the american news. Someone was arrested for trying to steal a fish from the same aquarium Sweetheart stole from)

Sweetheart: HA! Oh my god, my brother and I did that once there.

Gaz: Go to the aquarium?

Sweetheart, reminiscing: Yeah, and we went fishing there to catch some sea creatures. We caught this japanese spider crab and started running cause the police and workers started chasing us. But we got away! AND GOD THAT CRAB WAS SO GOOD-- I don't know why people don't eat those more!

🧍‍♀️

AHAHA ...girl please

So they all kinda chuckled at that, but Soap kinda prods at it more because he thought she was making up a story 💀

Soap, smirking: So... you stole a state protected Japanese Spider Crab from an aquarium. Got away with it. And ate it with your kin.

Sweetheart, smiling like a dummy: Yuh huh.

Soap, questioning her thought process: And only your brother?

Sweetheart, nodding: Yup! My mom said that since we had a brother-sister hangout day, he should get food and he did! OH OH WANNA SEE PICTURES?? I HAVE A FULL ALBUM

Soap: Whuh- WOAH YOU WERE TELLING THE TRUTH?!

Alex: WAIT WHAT

Sweetheart: of course I was! You thought I was lying?

Soap and Gaz: YES

Sweetheart: YOU GUYS HAVE MET MY FAMILY THIS SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISING

She was showing them pictures of when she was younger, like 13 years old, with her third older brother. And she was legit fishing in the aquarium with him 💀 she even has a video of her ACTUALLY CATCHING THE CRAB

And then some pictures of her brother boiling it in the back of his pickup truck and eating ALL OF IT (JAPANESE SPIDER CRABS ARE HUGE MIND YOU)

They were like 😨😨🤯 GIRL WHAT THE FUCK KINDA LIFE YOU LIVIN

So they believe the stories she says UNLESS she has pictures (and with every story she does 💀💀)

And omg her being banned in some places-- IN SOME STATES AND OUT OF COUNTRY BECAUSE OF THE UNLUCKY LUCK

Sweetheart, raising her hand: Wait where are we going?

Graves, rolling his eyes: To America.

Sweetheart: Uh huh yeah I got that but which state?

Graves: Ohio?

Sweetheart: Ahhhh okay. I can't go.

Graves, leaning on the table: And why is that, Sergeant Sweetheart?

Sweetheart: Well, Philip Graveyard, I'm banned.

Alex: What, in the facility?

Sweetheart, scratching her cheek: No the whole state.

Soap: WHAT

Ghost: HUH

Sweetheart, shrugging like she's talking about the weather: Yeah. Ohio, Florida, Wyoming, couple of other states, and some out of country.

Sweetheart, whispering: ...Alot out of country, honestly.

They're like what 🧍‍♀️

Soap, in disbelief: wh-why?

Sweetheart: Turns out, going on a plane with matches and a baton can cause a heck of a panic. And...

Sweetheart: ...It's illegal.

Ghost: OF FOCKIN COURSE ITS ILLEGAL

Sweetheart: WELL I KNOW THAT NOW. I WAS SEVENTEEN WHEN THAT HAPPENED

Soap: YOU WERE SEVENTEEN--

She showed pictures obviously.

Price, tired and confused: Why do you take pictures of everything you do.

Sweetheart: For the memories!

Graves, wiping his face: Oh my god...

Sweetheart: And evidence so I don't go to prison.

Soap, under his breath: Good lord

Price has to study on Sweetheart's past, so one: she won't get arrested anytime she goes out and two: so he can learn about this "unlucky luck" that's been happening for centuries in her family

(He still doesn't understand it)

And when they go on vacation together as a team it's a nightmare 💀

Sweetheart: Can't go on that.

Soap, smirking: Why? Awww, Sweetheart are ya scared?

Sweetheart: Nah, I'll get arrested. Restraining orders go craaaaazy stupid in London.

Soap and Gaz:

Gaz: How-- How do you get a restraining order on a ferris wheel...?

And then when they went to a zoo in Scotland (because she's not banned or has any restraining orders there) and this is so iconic

Sweetheart, looking in the cage and smiling: Bet me a twenty to jump in?

Gaz, snaps his neck and has a heart attack: Sweetheart, no--

Horangi, putting his hand on her shoulder: Please don't.

Sweetheart, scoffing playfully: I'm not! Oh my gosh. You actually have to bet me the twenty to actually do the--

König, Pulls out $100 because he wants to see this actually happen:

Sweetheart, looking at his hand:

Everyone looking at König's hand:

Sweetheart, looking up at König with a straight face:

Everyone looking at Sweetheart:

Ten seconds later:

Soap, struggling with Sweetheart: SWEETHEART NO STOP

Horangi, pulling Sweetheart's foot: DONT ACTUALLY JUMP IN THERE

Ghost, trying to push Sweetheart off the cage: GOD DAMMIT KÖNIG WHY DID YOU ACTUALLY GIVE HER MONEY TO DO IT

König: I THOUGHT SHE WAS BLUFFING

Price, pulling on Sweetheart's leg: YOU KNOW SWEETHEART DOESN'T BLUFF WHEN IT COMES TO THIS KIND OF THING

Sweetheart: GIVE ME THAT HUNNID BABAY

That was the last STRAW for price. So he ordered a human leash backpack for Sweetheart 💀

Sweetheart, holding the contraption: What is this?

Price, frowning with his arms crossed: It's a leash.

Sweetheart: Okay?

Price: For you.

Sweetheart:

Sweetheart, dumbfounded: W h a t

Price: When we go out for vacation, you're wearing this.

Sweetheart, brain loading the information she just heard:

Sweetheart: Are you... SERIOUS???

Sweetheart: I'm not some child, Price!

Price: Yet you act like one everytime we go out as a team!

Sweetheart: I'm just having fun!

Price: I DONT SEE HOW HANGING UPSIDE DOWN ON A FUCKIN' LEDGE ON THE EIFFEL FUCKIN' TOWER IS FUN

Sweetheart: THAT WAS ONE TIME

Price: AND ONE TIME TOO MANY

Price: You're wearing it.

And she wears it. Luckily it was in pink and she decorated it with stickers and charms.

Sweetheart, huffing and sitting on the ground with her arms crossed: This sucks cactus balls, man.

Ghost, walking with the leash: Come on, Sweetheart.

Sweetheart, whining: Weeeeeehhhhh...

Sweetheart, getting dragged: OW YOU'RE RUINING MY NEW JEANS AND MY FUCKING ASS-- OKAY OKAY I'LL GET UP

Ghost: Mhm.

[tumblingxelian]

Thoughts on Stephanie Brown, Crime & Community

A lot of the posts I’ve been reading lately about Bruce’s brutality towards low level criminals and whether Jason betraying his own community or not, the double standards and meta analysis has all been very interesting. 

And it has also left me musing on Stephanie Brown’s character. 

Specifically how she operates in a really fascinating position that was likely not intended by the writers but one can reach anyway. 

So a quick primer: 

Stephanie Brown came up in a low income (at best) family in Gotham. Her father was consistently in and out of prison only briefly holding down a steady job and when he was home he was violent towards both Stephanie and her mother.

Crystal was neglectful and a substance abusing addict until Stephanie was about 15 and even then their relationship was quite messy with Stephanie still forced into a parental role. 

(She also escaped sexual assault as a child and was clearly traumatized by the event and given her ‘boyfriend’ who got her pregnant looed significantly older than her one could argue she was a victim of grooming.)

Her first team up with Batgirl (long before she receives any training) Shows she has an intimate and immediate understanding of criminal operations that can only come from either self study or experience. One of her earlier team ups with Robin & the then Green Arrow (Investigating gun runners selling to kids) had her note she felt her community was neglected by the heroes. Her first team up with Batgirl also had them basically steal money that would have gone to evidence to donate it to charity and she also reveal hinted at different times a dislike or lack of faith in the police. 

Now, not everything was hunky dory, as there were some writers who basically decided her motive was “Impress Robin”. Fortunately this only cropped up every now and again and she’d often try and seek out team ups and mentors elsewhere. And given it doesn’t line up well with her initial character I am content to view it as an artifact of the writer. 

But I digress, how does this go into her relationship with her community and criminals in general? 

Well, suffice to say her relationship with them is bad. 

Her first time out as Spoiler she tries to murder her father and has to be talked down by Batman. She later reveals to Crystal she was doing this to protect her because she was tired of seeing Arthur come back and ruin their lives over and over again. She also used visitation rights when he was in prison to beat the hell out of him because he orchestrated her kidnapping and near missed murder for money, while the guards just let it happen. 

In one of her first team ups with Robin they fight criminals in a snow covered building and his cutting of support beams leads them all to be buries. Robin insists on finding him and saving him, while Stephanie suggests leaving him to die, dismissing his motives along the lines of, “I was poor, daddy never loved me, ETC.” She only agreed trying to save him was a good idea when they accidently found a homeless woman and her child also buried. 

later on she also didn’t want to save a villain who managed to kidnap both herself and Robin. We also see her shrug off the prospect of accidentally killing a serial killer she was in combat with. She also has a violent exchange with Penguin after he started using children as gun runners which hinted at wanting to wipe people like him off the map. When he was dismissive of even facing charges because “I've got people for that” she legit scared and injured him and Batgirl needed to stop her from going further. 

(She also shrugged off Dick killing Joker while everyone else was freaking out but like, come on. Joker fills literal graveyards in universe and had been terrorizing the world minutes before, he’s not a ‘normal criminals’ by any stretch.)

Overall, her relationship to criminals in general was varying degree of contemptuous and she was quite comfortable with the prospect of doling out lethal punishment to criminals, though she never got the on screen opportunity. I think her general attitude is best summed up as “yes trauma sucks but its no excuse to take it out on your community” while holding those who profit off those circumstances in utter contempt. IE, she disdains petty criminals for victimizing their fellows and she hates the kingpins who run everything. 

(Though I doubt this was intended by the writers.) 

But I digress, I’m not expert enough to say whether this is a realistic or positive response to her circumstances, but I do find it an interesting one. I also think its a lot more nuanced than Batman’s brutality even if one could argue its problematic. Though that also broached the “Are we discussing in universe or out of universe” and so on. Really not sure where I was going with this. I maybe just wanted the chance to discuss Stephanie cos I think she’s really interesting. 

So uh, yeah. 

[jolyneart]

This'll be a long-ish post about my The Locked Tomb themed MTG deck and how I made like 20 versions of it before I decided to build it (and how I'm still working on it).

(I want to do legit art for this card)

If you are part of the Venn diagram of these two interests, or you want to see my slow descent into madness ovear a year of trying to put cardboard together, check the spoilers below.

So, I haven't been playing Magic for too long (a bit over a year). Weirdly I have owned cards since original Ixalan, but I never bothered learning to play until a friend invited me to play commander. I just wanted them for the pretty pictures, I have always admired Magic artists and they have been a huge inspiration on my art career.

Anyways, not too long after I started to play, I got this idea into my head that I should do a Locked Tomb commander deck.

"That'd be fun!" I thought

Well

All of these are over a year old (and are not my only first attempts, but I'll talk about those later).

I had two main issues when starting to build this deck:

1- I have never been interested into deck-building before in a card game

2- I have no fucking idea of what I'm doing

The first commander I chose to lead this deck, that I still think thematically fits within TLT universe, is Ratadrabik of Urborg

This Rat of a man has given me so many headaches, I'm sure that now I'd be able to do make a half-decent deck with him in the lead, hell I do have a black/white aristocrats deck that he could command just fine.

But my issue was that I had no idea how to balance his legends theme and zombie kindred theme at the same time, in the same deck. I was just incapable. And all of my results, budget or not, were jank piles that did very little or exploded into an infinite combo with cards like Boromir, Warden of the Tower or Nazgul. It just didn't feel right and the Locked Tomb theme was barely holding on by a thread with the things I was putting in there. There were barely ANY skeletons in any of these! (this will keep happening)

Anyways, after giving up on Ratadrabik (which btw I think would make for a great Ianthe proxy) I moved on to find some other commander and color combination that'd enable something else that wasn't a pile of legendary creatures.

Queue in Varina, Lich Queen

It's a Zombie Wizard! She cares about zombies, those are kind of early skeletons! She raises the undead herself!

Well, I do think Varina is great, and in other world where I knew how to build decks back then, she might just have been my Harrow commander deck

I don't even think the decks I made for her were that bad at all, just extremely expensive. And also the zombie theme, while much better supported mechanically, I didn't feel really represented the kind of necromantic powers we see in the books at all.

Shoutout to Mikaeus, he'd make for a great Jod if anyone wants to make a deck about our lord and savior the undying emperor.

Ok, now I'm going to take a bit of a detour to talk about what I actually like playing in mtg (not just commander). I predictably really enjoy playing black and graveyard strategies, but also really love putting big idiot beaters into the field with those strategies .I know, groundbreaking. But it is what it is, two of my favourite decks do this in one way or another.

God's perfect deck, my Sauron deck, was my first precon, that has left the lands of preconstruction long ago and is my dearest possession. Is it my most powerful deck? nope. Is it unbeatable? Not really, I almost never win with this deck.

What BIG Sauron does is, in an extremely thematic way, become a problem for everyone at the table, do evil things, and have everyone beat me down for my reanimation crimes.

If you are interested, you can check out that deck here.

Anyways sorry, back to the locked tomb, SO I like the graveyard right? Wouldn't it be nice that there'd be a famous woman necromancers in mtg? What if she leaded the deck?

Well, the most that I can say is that there really can be too much of a good thing. I'm talking about swamps.

Initially I had these two running around in the Ratadrabik deck. I still stand by the idea of having these flip walkers be young Harrow/Gideon and flip them into their "First House" versions. The Gideon/Kiriona and Kytheon/Gideon thing still drives me insane.

I was too sad discarding them, so I grabbed the Lilly card and tried to make it work, I really tried, I put on a lot of effort and care. But it didn't work, it wasn't her, it was me.

I built a pretty generic aristocrat shell, but I think that type of archetype really benefits of having more colors to work with (specially white).

So, with three commanders locked in the tomb (I also tried a Gut rakdos deck but I'm not even going to talk about it), what was next? I spent months on these and still had nothing to show for it. Was I the problem? Was I cursed with bad deck dissease?

No, that cannot be. I'm building other decks while this is going on and those are doing just fine. Lae'zel//Master Chef, Gandalf Big Artifacts. The issue might be that the head of the deck is always caring for just the one thing, there was not much diversity. I kept making Necromancers but had no Cavaliers to back them up.

If there could just be a way to have two little guys up there in the command zone. Wait a minute...

So, this was truly a jank fest. Partner is an extremely strong mechanic in commander, and Tymna is specially strong as a card to have access early. So I decided to justify using these to make the biggest pile of nonsense happen.

Equipment? check. Initiative? check. Skeletons? check. Zombies? check. Graveyard? check. Lifegain? check.

While goldfishing I realized that while the commanders do a great job to sustain the rest of the deck, the ammount of themes and archetypes made this a pile of cards that I can barely call a deck. And worst of all, they enabled two pretty strong commanders, and that didn't feel that'd be satisfactory at all in actual play.

I even prepared proxies for these! Feel free to use them if you want.

Also, I tried the whole partner thing swapping out Tymna for Ikra Shidiqi. Bringing out another whole color didn't help with the theme soup I was working with.

So I wholy abandoned the idea of both partners, and maybe even making this deck.

Maybe my hopes and dreams of having a functional silly lesbians and skeletons deck were doomed (yuri) from the beginning.

Months pass, I built 3 or 4 other decks in the meantime that work, can compete and be fun, sometimes all at the same time if you'd believe it. I had completely lost faith in this deck idea.

All until one day, were I was checking out a pile of cards I had pulled from the recent MH3 set to put them into my binder. And then I see it. There he was, this fucking guy with a shovel(?), looking at me.

I read again his fairly big wall of text, what does this guy do again?

Oh, he does necromancy stuff? attacks? wait wait, he draws POWER from the GRAVEYARD?? in JUND?

He really saved it. Not only I feel this perfectly represents the dynamics of Cavalier is in charge of creating enough thanergy for their necromancer, but ALSO does the necromancer thing, and ALSO loves having like 10 power and beating down face. This was a message, the dream was still alive.

So, I make a list, I order cards, I scrounge cards from my other black decks. And there it is. It's real

The Locked Tomb Griddlehark Commander Deck

But... that's not how my list looks right now. Yeah I know this deck is cursed into being always changing I think. But, the main issue here was what I said before. It had to pull cards from multiple decks to sustain itself. And I learned quickly that I don't like having my baby, my Sauron, being not functional, and that keeping track of what cards are where and swapping them out constantly sucks tremendously.

So, I pulled back most of the cards to their original decks. What was left was a corpse, a beautiful incomplete deck. So I selected cards from my collection, lower powered ones, niche ones, weird ones, and put them in for their more powerful counterparts.

It's function is extremely simple, it fills it's graveyard quickly, ramps, and with Coram on the battlefield, you turn that self-mill into card advantage, the graveyard into a power source and bring back powerful creatures like the Resurrection Beasts (Eldrazi)

There also are skeletons in there, of course.

This deck needed to die many deaths to exist. But isn't that the theme?

I'll make sure to put up the new decklist on my moxfield whenever I get a few upgrades.