#dissociating throughout the nights on my weekends is common
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#catherea personal#i just realized that since i have been listening to chilledchaos' and zeroyalvikings youtube videos over like the last year#it is the group connection. the casual friendships. and just outright good sounding times#that stuff just makes yearn to know what that is like. to know that there is almost always someone to talk to and have company#having worked graveyard the last 3ish years has really pulled me away from being able to hang out with people i could hang out with#dissociating throughout the nights on my weekends is common#after like 9pm/2100 my time there is really just no one to talk to and i just open up youtube and find like 45 min+ videos#to have in the background to try and distract myself from going down rabbit holes#it works. but on the other hand i legit miss talking to/hanging out with people and playing games with#sometimes i really wonder how i can keep it together#im just here and that's just about as much as i can do these days#it doesnt help that i have also put up more and more barriers over the pandemic#even though i didnt even need to put up barriers#i feel like the last several years of trying to work on myself just weirdly backfired#also tired of just surviving
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