#there was an anxious part of me that was like ''oh no what if the ring gets here and i don't like it in-person'' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

seireitonin · 2 days ago

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Ugly

(A not so short part from my comic I’m writing called False Miracles (ft Sebastia and Toby.) Also an angsty part I can’t help myself sorry!

Also spoilers for the comic obviously

Sebastia is curled up in the corner, head resting on the wall. Another day, another fight. Ever since Toby “found her” in the cabin, they’ve been stationed together and fighting. Some days it’s about when they first met which was also the first time they physically fought. Other days, it’s about how annoying Toby finds her because of how untrusting and accusatory Sebastia is. She’s constantly accusing him of wanting to harm her, him backstabbing her, him doing horrible things to her.

Not that Sebastia can control it that much. Miracle is constantly in her head, feeding her these ideas about Toby and everyone else around her. But even if that wasn’t the case, Sebastia is anxious and unstable. Unable to remove herself from her traumatized survivor mindset. Never relaxing, never opening up. Especially to a man.

“Why are you such a bitch all the time?!” Toby glares at her. “We can’t go two hours without you accusing me of something or you breaking down completely!

“Don’t call me that! It’s not my fault I don’t trust you! I hardly even know you or your intentions! You expect me to just trust you, a killer, a dangerous man with open arms and mind?! I don’t think so!”

“We fought once! Since then i haven’t given you a single reason not to trust me! You’re always flinching and jumping if I even breathe around you! It’s so fucking annoying!”

“Once is all it takes! You buried your hatchet in my shoulder without a second thought! You think I can trust someone like that?! Trust a man like that?! That will hurt someone like it’s as easy as breathing air?!”

“I found you covered in other people’s blood…don’t think you’re better than me! Don’t sit there like you’re a saint!”

“No…I’m not like you. Don’t you ever…compare me to you.”

Sebastia stands up. She’s not confrontational. Far from it. However, Toby comparing them to each other….Sebastia takes being compared to a violent man an insult.

“I did what I had to do to survive. To live. You just do it because you’re mindless and violent!”

Toby let’s put a dry chuckle and starts laughing at her words. Like he finds this whole thing amusing, like he’s not taking her seriously.

“Funny. That’s exactly what I said when I killed my first person.”

Sebastia gasps.

Toby mocks his past mindset and Sebastias current one with his words “Oh, I’m not a bad person! I just did what I had to do to be free! I had to end this persons life to stop the torture they put me through! That doesn’t make me a bad person!”

He runs his hand through his hair, laughing and shaking his head and continues to speak.

“Is that how you’re justifying it? That how you sleep at night?”

He walks towards Sebastia, eyes wide, crazed and smiling. As if this conversation was bringing up memories that were too much for his mind to handle as well. He keeps walking towards her and she keeps backing up, looking at him with eyes full of fear, until her back hits a wall and she’s trapped between the wall and Toby.

“Guess what, Sebastia?” He looks directly into her eyes, a very serious and cold look on his face. More serious than Sebastia has ever seen him, even when they had their first physical fight.

“Every person you kill, regardless of whether they hurt you or not…is a person whose family is never gonna see them again. Every person you kill, leaves behind a pool of blood, guilty or innocent. Doesn’t matter. Every person you kill..weighs on you. Someone like you who tries to convince herself she’s…moral.”

He continued.

“Your reasons don’t really matter do they? You still killed. You’re a violent girl who did a violent thing and is trying to convince herself otherwise.”

“N-no that’s not…that’s not true!” Sebastia’s voice shook as she spoke, shock and fear plaguing it.

“Oh? No? You say don’t compare us…but you have a monster that puts voices in your head, telling you who to attack. Who to kill. What I have with Slenderman. You have with your “Miracle.” And you wanna sit there and say we’re nothing alike? You’re stupid and delusional.” Toby’s words drip with venom.

“You’re trying to fight Miracle off? Keep it suppressed?”

Toby talks like he’s experienced this first hand.

“How many more breakdowns? How many more violent urges? How many more words does it need to put inside your head? Till it breaks you down and you just give in?”

Toby whispers in Sebastia’s ear.

“And end up just like me?”

Sebastia stands there in shock and confusion, emotions of every kind swirling in her. Until she just can’t take it. She doesn’t know what to say or do.

“Kill him” Miracle spoke in her head. And that’s all the guidance she needed.

Miracles mouths bursts out of Sebastia’s head, splattering blood all over the walls, on Toby’s face, and down Sebastia’s. The sharp teeth and red eyes following.

Miracles mouths slam Toby on the wall.

“I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!”

Sebastia screams at him over and over with Miracles voice along side hers.

“Not long before you gave in huh?”

Sebastia not in her right mind just breaths heavily and glares, Miracle, wrapping around him, ready to rip him to pieces.

“Kill me and you know the consequences. Use your brain and not Miracles for once!” Toby yells at her, frustrated and angry but not scared.

“We gotta…stop…” Sebastia’s voice shook but she was telling Miracle to not kill Toby. “Need him….alive… can’t be…normal….without him…”

Sebastia starts to suppress Miracle, much to its disagreement.

Miracle reluctantly goes back to Sebastia and back inside her, Sebastia’s normal form returning as she sits on the bed, blood still trailing down her with a blank empty stare.

“I’m…”

Toby looks at her waiting to see what she’ll say.

“I’m sorry…Toby.”

Toby’s eyes widen a bit. Surprised. She has never ever apologized to him.

“I’m so sorry……” Sebastia puts her face in her hands letting out small sobs.

For the first time, Toby is shocked. Apologizing? Crying? What is this?

“You’re right…I’m a violent thing..an ugly, violent, thing!”

She can’t stop sobbing. Like the strength she’s had to uphold for months just crumbled at Toby’s words.

Toby has trouble feeling empathy. For anything or anyone. Usually his first reaction would be to laugh. But the sight of Sebastia crying brought something out of him. A distant memory he can’t place.

He sits beside her on the bed. Leaving room between them, knowing she doesn’t like to be touched by men.

“I never said ugly. I never said thing.”

He looks her, her head still in her pitch black hands.

“Yeah I definitely called you ugly in the past but I’m a dick so….take that with a grain of salt.” That was his way of apologizing.

“Uh…look…I…we’re traveling all this way to help you fix this right? Make you normal again? There’s still a chance you’re not like this forever. Unlike me. So…”

“What if I am? What if…I’m ugly forever?” Sebastia holds back sobs and looks at him to talk.

“Then if you have to stay with everyone…. if you really can’t go back…maybe me and you can finally learn to have a conversation without fighting. Plus you…you’re not ugly. I’ve seen some ugly stuff and…you’re just not that. Despite what I’ve said.”

Sebastia calms down eyes still a bit puffy, blood and tears staining her face.

They look at each other. Both of them have deep dark circles. Sebastia’s blood still staining Toby’s face.

“This…this is gonna sound…so weird….but…”

Toby looks at her and waits for her to finish.

“I wish I could hug you right now…”

Toby’s eyes widen just for a second. She’s full of surprises tonight. Neither of them being touched gently in months maybe for Toby, years, it didn’t sound like a bad idea.

“Yeah……me too.”

#creepypasta #creepypasta hcs #creepypasta characters #creepypasta fandom #seireitonin #creepypasta headcanon #crp #ticci toby #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby hc #ticcitoby #ticci toby x oc #sebastiacreepypasta #creepypastasebastia #false miracles comic #falsemiracles

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mymarifae · 5 months ago

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sooooooo when i jokingly said to myself "haha did ruan mei play aeonic necromancy on tingyun's remains or something" i wasn't expecting that to literally be the case what the fuck

#ON ONE HAND! TINGYUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ON THE OTHER! HELLO???????????????????????????????????#that was a really good update . a little clunky in those transitions sometimes but ooooh boy that came together GOOD #jiaoqiu nearly sent me into hysterics i was so upset . and flabbergasted. mostly flabbergasted #also the part where hoolay let him go for a little bit and you had the option to try asking for help #with severe consequences to be reaped afterwards. that was so nervewracking #i ended up doing it once out of curiosity and immediately regretted it and was horribly anxious the rest of the time i was running around #and yeah those consequences sure do. Consequence #props to the writers and stuff for that one that was great i felt ill #FEIXIAO... GOD FEIXIAOOOOO OHHHH BOY I LOVE HERRR what a great character #i hoped and i prayed and i dreamed for a deep dive into her condition and not a vague gloss-over as hyv loves to do AND I GOT IT #moze didn't do enough tricks (aka just . being a part of the story and interacting with other characters) for me to care about him still #it's like #the yaoqing trio: yay yahoo yippee WOOOO YAYYYY #moze by himself: closes my eyes forever #DO MORE TRICKS FOR ME #lingsha's pretty cool. i will save her from her bad design #oh oh oh YANQING!!!!!!!!!! USING WHAT JINGLIU TAUGHT HIM AND IMMOBILIZING HOOLAY ALL BY HIMSELF!!!!!! OH YM GOD #MY LITTLE BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#that cutscene was terrifying i almost died of stress . i'm so proud of you yanqing. never do that again #i had fun and now it's 3 am and i have work in the morning. help me

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hplonesomeart · 3 months ago

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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye

#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff #hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this #seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things #like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork #but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating #my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts #like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular #maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well #I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now #I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others #anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period #one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK #Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT #proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy #PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD #all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL #okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3 #doodles #sketches #hplonesome art #not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me

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andromeda3116 · 3 days ago

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oh there is something good that came out of january:

i got engaged!

#well technically he hasn't asked me because the ring won't be here until the end of the month #but it's a formality #i've already said yes and we've already told the family #there was an anxious part of me that was like ''oh no what if the ring gets here and i don't like it in-person''#which got shut up by ''um then you send it back and get a new one????''#but yeah!!!#we've been together a year and it felt like we'd been together for weeks before we actually started dating #i thought i'd feel scared but actually i just feel giddy #i used to roll my eyes at my mom when she said ''when you know you know'' but actually...#yeah. when you know‚ you just... know #he's sweet and dorky and calm (which balances amd soothes my anxiety in a way i didn't think was possible) and supportive and #understanding and also independent bc he's also in his 30s and demisexual and had been single for a long time for the same reason as me #(just never meeting people you clicked with at all) and he came recommended by a trusted friend and he has a lot of female friends #none of whom he has any romantic interest in and none of whom are either a) romantically interested or b) made uncomfortable #(idk some people [including his toxic ex-fiancee] would take that as a red flag but like. if multiple women consider him a good friend #that means that he has passed *many* red flag tests and shows respect for women he isn't romantically involved with at all)#(and i trust him? even at the start when i didn't love him yet i could tell from how he talked to and about them that it's *obviously*#platonic. i don't get women who feel threatened by their s.o. having female friends like girl if he's worth being with #then you have nothing to fear.)#he passed all the tests life has thrown at us - especially the big one when maw-maw died - with flying colors #i just. i can't imagine him not being here. not hearing his dumb jokes or made-up songs. not seeing him all the time. not cuddling.#it just... feels so natural

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cockworms · 12 days ago

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so I work two jobs, at an auto parts store and a cafe and I've noticed that people at the parts place think im a dude and the cafe customers assume im a girl its so interesting to see

#i had someone at the car place refer to me saying 'he- she- uhh sorry idk what to call you'#im pretty sure i just said 'pick one' which must have confused her so bad 💀#i appreciate you pronouns lady #also something interesting im seeing is that people respect me more at the parts store when they think im a guy #also its fun when people call me buddy hehe idk if thats just an appalachia thing but its like #what older people say to younger people #idk how old i look to people who think im a guy lmao but i guess they think im a teenager #i do have teenager voice syndrome right now unfortunately 💀#omg its so funny (uh and a little scary) when customers refer to me as 'he' to my coworkers and theyre confused 😅#theyre all rural conservatives so im a little spooked at whats gonna happen when i come back to work after being away for 3 months #cause hopefully ill be more clearly masculine #they havent asked me about it and im not telling them lmao #im the only 'girl' there right now 💀 oops #actually customers call me 'the female' 🙃 LOL #i stay silly tho #i look forward to every tuesday bc thats when i give myself my T shot :)#i have to go get bloodwork done soon oh no #for my hormone levels #if u read this far ily its nice to know youre interested in my rambling #i reduced my dose of anxiety/depression/general mood stabilizer med and i regret it so hard rn ive been SO anxious #pray for me #ok life story over bye #have a nice day #drink some water #mine

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guinevereslancelot · 2 months ago

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starting to kind of date someone right before christmas is so stressful fr. do i get him a gift or what we've been on two dates but i'm seeing him tonight n it's christmas eve.....but what if he didn't get me anything then it will be weird.....

#i planned to try to find something small enough that i could easily carry around concealed then take it out if he got something for me #but the thing i got ened up being a bit too big for that lol #im gonna bring a big bag of gifts for all my friends maybe and then it won't be weird idk #by some miracle my mom showed me a bag of emergency gifts for the girlies and i was like cool im taking all of them tonight 😂#which was not what she intended lol #but im gonna do it #if i had time i would have gotten him something different but its good enough #he mentioned a book he hadn't read last night so would have been cool the got him that but its too late its a music hat now #if he even got me anything idk #but he specifically told me he was last minute christmas shopping so idk #i am over analyzing this for sure tho #anyway most unrealistic part of christmas romance movies is they're not anxious wondering whether to gift or not to gift #also im lowkey scared abt new years 😳#not that i wouldn't like to kiss him probably but i already have a hard time looking at him without blushing 😂#so that would make it 10000x worse lmao #also idk if i want to kiss him JUST bc its new years instead of waiting for the right moment to just happen? idk i dont wanna rush things #its not for sure we'll be together at midnight on new years idk what his plans are #but we'll see #anyway things are going well but moving faster than expected 😅#also not 100% sure i'm seeing him tonight and def not tomorrow so that might take the gift pressure off but idk #waiting to hear back abt tonight #😐😐😐#also idk why we waited until we were both on break from work to do stuff bc honestly every time we've met it's been after work hours anyway #however it allows us to stay up later than on work nights which is nice #he didn't leave my house until after 11 last night lol #anyway trying hard not to get swept up in all this while its new but fr im like oh this is what it's supposed to feel like 🥺#never been in love before every relationship i've had was awk and forced was starting to think maybe im just not capable of love #but literally cuddling on the couch watching it's a wonderful life last night i was like hm i'm definitely capable of love actually #not saying im actually there yet but it would be soooo easy to fall for this guy which is p scary actually #esp bc im not sure it would work for other reasons

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skeletoninthemelonland · 1 year ago

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#i think i first listened to this song around the time Behind The Codes became an official project #My brain probably associated the feelings of excitement and fear with the song so ig that's why I love it so much #On one side. I love working on the Behind The Codes #there's an overwhelming amount of ways to tell this story: brainstorming. designing. animating. writing and rewriting until your brain-#starts to fry and get foggy with so many ideas. its both good and stressful to push your limits like this #On another side. I'm constantly anxious about it #I've always been afraid to admit the things I enjoy as well as the things that i create #You don't allow yourself to create and embrace new things even when you're essentially alone #and yes I'm aware of the fact that there will be people who won't enjoy the series- which isn't what bothers me #What bothers me is that I might regret certain decisions #'This is not the message I wanted to convey'#'This is not the story I wanted to tell'#The decision to share this song here is the clearest example of what I mean:#Part of me says: this song is so btc oh my god please put it at the end credits wait THERE IS A 2ND PART OF IT AND IT'S EVEN COOLER OOOAAAA #then there's the main thought: this song is so stupid. it's so corny in a way it makes me uhghu7ujhkjg..#i won against my negative thoughts today. yay #this whole post is just me rambling and being anxious. i dont even know what to say hjdsfbwjkefkdsf #bye :waves:#starbstalks

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lordsardine · 3 days ago

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#continuing rant since again. piss poor timing on the girl's part and i need an outlet #like im now a bit anxious and very annoyed but it isn't Horrible #like i was on the fence about the entire thing #but it's annoying because the ammenties i want are hard to find in a single apartment that's in my budget #not impossible but hard #and it's like oh if i had cats would that be all the at home companionship i needed #like i have a good support system with friends #idk!!#at least reaching out to the dude wont hurt if i phrase it casually like #'hey i remember you mentioning you might want to move in the fall #the person i was going to room with backed out so just wanted to see if you were still considering it #no worries if youre not or already have other plans!#but if you are let me know and maybe we could see if we're looking for the same things!'#but while i like the dude idk if we're living compatible 😩#like fuck i have another friend who isnt thrilled with his roommate but the two of us know we're not living compatible #even though we are good friends #*muffled screaming*#susan seriously what the absolute fuck was this timing #i so so SO want to just message will now but tonight is NOT the night #that's like a saturday afternoon question #anyway. fucking save me neopets #miscellaneous

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regular-lord-reckoner · 24 days ago

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i am so glad this week is finally (almost) over

i had an appointment with my pcp on monday to see about this possible kidney stone situation

they did a urinalysis on me and sure enough i do have some blood in my urine so that plus the pain means it's likely there's a stone, but i'm in a situation again where i haven't had any pain for days so it's like...that's not good !! (especially since this has been going on for a few months at this point !)

they ordered me a ct scan which i had today so i'm hoping maybe sometime tomorrow i'll get the results of that and we can maybe figure out what's going on

i also had a dentist appointment on wednesday but it was just a cleaning and my dentist said everything looks good. it is kinda funny because i was actually supposed to have this appointment months ago but decided to reschedule because i had too much going on that week and so it got pushed out until now and then i end up having even more shit to do this week than i did back then so...oh well !! it's finally done

and tomorrow i've gotta do some of my usual errands (mostly taking the garbage off and getting a few things from the grocery store) and then i think i'll finally be done !! hopefully !!

hope you have a good, restful weekend coming up if you're reading this !! <3

#i'm just hoping and praying at this point that i've passed the stone if that is what it is #and that i don't get a call about this ct and it's like #uh hey you're gonna need a procedure to get this thing out before you start to go septic again #just....please god not again #but i guess if that is the situation then we'll just deal with it #anyway #in any case i at least got all my work done for the week so that's something #i've had to work later to make up for all the time i've been out at these appointments but i did it !!#and now hopefully this weekend i can just......rest #please god #i do have a lot of stuff i need to look over for school because i have a meeting with my student advisor next week #and although i appreciate him sending me all this information it's.....a lot #and i'm kind of starting to panic now like 'uh-oh!! uh-oh what have i gotten myself into ?!'#but i'm gonna just...power through it and keep going #because i really want this now and it's probably gonna add a bunch of stress to my life #when i already don't really have a lot of room for that but #i think in the end it'll be worth it #so that's what we're holding out for #and in the mean time if my body could just.....not have any more health problems #that would be fucking amazing thank you #anyhow #i didn't get a lot of sleep last night so i'm gonna go to bed now #it's just gonna be me here this weekend because mom's off with her boyfriend #which is fine i like having the place to myself #but i also have to take care of our dog by myself and he's way more attached to her than me #so he tends to be super anxious when she's not here #and so we're gonna do our best with that as well #but part of that also means i gotta get up ass early to let him out to go potty #so i'm gonna go get a few hours in before it's time for that #and then once i run my errands tomorrow i can maybe hopefully finally unwind a little

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supernovaa-remnant · 11 months ago

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okay not that anyone asked but I feel like I'm just in a really odd state of calm like I'm detached just enough that whilst I am still invested it's more of a "I'm just gonna sit back and be a part of the ride and see where this all ends" I know I've used this metaphor a million times but yes the world is on fire but I'm waiting to see what will come from the ashes

#idk I just feel like. this is definitely the end of a chapter. but I'm very willing to see what the next chapter will bring y'know?#also I think that nothing from this situation could be as emotionally devastating to me as the w//lbur situation sooo #that's probably playing a part in my reaction tbh #anyway sorry for yapping about this a lot maybe I should take up journaling #oh also I'm so serious literally all this could've been handled privately #I doooo get anxious bc of this sometimes though but that's just side affects of my anxiety disorder I'm getting anxious daily anyway lmao #stella rambles

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

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steddie-island · 1 year ago

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Does anyone else get like. Weirdly existential crisis-y when you read a fic where a character gets to be, oh… 10… 20…. 30 years older than they currently are? Or is that just my like, childhood anxiety about getting older coming back to bite me in the ass?

#I read a really REALLY good Steddie fic #but at one point they get to be in their 50s and they’re happy and alive and I loved that so much #but now my tummy is anxious and I’m like weirdly tearful??#and this is part of what made me get out of fandom stuff #Oh shit wait actually melancholy is a better word for it Idk #anyway I’m trying to figure out if that IS the trigger for it #also to be clear I’m not UPSET that they’re older #you have to like. Aging is hard? And not everyone gets to do it.#so my faves getting older and being happy is so good #but it makes me weirdly weepy 😂😂#my brain is fucked tho #If I didn’t have to talk about my surgery trauma in therapy this week then this would be what I talk about

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bat-the-misfit · 2 years ago

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i only know two Ni doms irl but they're both driving me crazy