#there was almost a whole year where my mom

[postmoderntongues]

Why would I be disgusted with myself? 14 year olds have brains with empathy and decision making centers so underdeveloped that they cant do life in prison or be diagnosed cluster B. Why would I be ashamed of acting like a dopamine-seeker with impaired empathy if neurologically that is literally what I was. First of all as a survivor it wasnt healthy but made it less painful to joke about the subject so carelessly because it made what happened to me feel less devastatingly serious.

I don't think it was weird and creepy in a lot of ways, I think it was a social phenomenon to cope with our adolescent phobia of SA by trying to make associations with it less serious and de-fang the word.

I genuinely misread where it mentioned an adult subject which completely changes everything but for some reason i thought this post was addressing the behavior of 9-14 year old boys. Honestly me and the other trans guys (most of whom i later found out were fellow survivors) in my teens were probably the worst about throwing that word around. It was a joke that sticking your finger in somebody's navel for more than 7 seconds was rape so kids in my junior high used to playfully poke each other in the navel, count to 7, and then laugh "i raped you!"

Of the 3 most clear cut violent forceful rapes of my life, I was cracking jokes when i found my friends again every single time. I was bragging that "Ben's cute roommate liked me so much he gave me free roofies" in the cab ride home from the party where i was drugged with GHB and assaulted in the woods on the parameter and then robbed (which i was the most mad about of all the bullshit). When Luna saved me from Paul and literally broke up a forcible rape that it was not looking like I was going to win, i joked about it the whole walk back and called him a "fag" and made fun of his short dick and then joked about it with her mom who gave me a bottle of alcohol and a giant plate of weed infused mango and I remember it as having been a funny incident. After my assault the summer after 12th grade the next day I, not wanting to admit i was potentially no longer a virgin, i told my best friend he "rape-kissed" me and broke up with the boy I was dating but in reality he forced himself on me numerous times and i continued to see him because he convinced me he was just so in love and couldnt help himself and I was being an immature prude when i found out he was doing it to my mf girlfriend and then i still remember making those jokes but like i did not around her and did not allow people to make them around her.

In oldweb raised scene kid culture it was literally just a swear word. People would use it in place of saying "i want him to f me" theyd say "i want him to r me" like i think something about the hyperbole of the violence made it feel almost safer for young teens still ashamed of the concept of sexuality to say. A lot of things that are rightfully considered unacceptable slurs were openly and unashamedly used all the time within that subculture because part of the bit you were committing to was to be performatively edgy and shocking.

And not to make myself ancient but this was pre-normalized free internet porn. This was right when you stopped needing a credit card for all porn websites. We talked like that from watching exploitation horror movies and torrenting extreme cinema, my male peers grew up trying to glimpse static-obscured shape-distorted thigh or maybe the concept of the idea of a nipple on cinemax and flipping through decade-old deteriorating sun-bleached water damaged playboys in the tree house their older brother bult before their father left their mother for his secretary. These were little boys getting off to katy Perry videos and Megan Fox's scenes in Transformers and the Lady Marmalade music video, I wasn't exposed to actual flesh and blood internet porn until i was in 10th or 11th grade and neither were most of my peers. A lot of my peers were not virgins when they were first exposed to online porn. Also, even when online pron did become popular, it was NOTHING like the minefield of paraphelia that ti is today. It was naked people. There is a good chance most of it was simulated because penetration shots didn't become a popular thing until like 09. It was a lot of softcore and kissing and cheesy music and fireplace light on a bearskin rug. The fucked up shit you find on the front page of a porn site today would have still been behind a paywall in my teens.

Also I don't perceive it as "edgy" or "cool" because Im a grown-ass woman. Im saying boys in early adolescence who are boundary testing and often react to deep discomfort with machismo and offensive humor find it edgy and cool. Being shocking is one of those early dominance/masculinity contests that little boys partake in. As an adolescent transboy being included in this kind of language felt validating and induced gender euphoria just like red road and punch-for-punch and mercy and wall-ball pelting and wrestling and watching gore and telling dead baby jokes. Im not saying it is socially acceptable or doesn't need to be corrected when observed, Im saying it is developmentally appropriate in the age group that i mistakenly thought we were discussing.

I haaaaaate how porn-rotted men's brains are. You can't even have a normal conversation with most guys these days- especially Gen Z. Almost every word you say to these guys, they'll find a way to make it sexual. Seriously. With no context.

For example- I was telling a male I know about one of my friends who managed to convince an owner of a local bakery to give her one of his popular recipes. ALL I said was, "He wouldn't give her X (most popular recipe) so her gave her the Y." Of course... "that sounds weird!! hahahahaha! He gave her the Y."

Or when you mention the word "stuck" they follow it with something about step-brothers (absolutely vile). God forbid you say the word "size" in reference to anything!

...But noooooo, obviously, porn has no effect on the brain! It totally doesn't make men sexualize every single woman they see IRL.

[archangeldyke-all]

MORE HIGHSCHOOL SEVIKA X READER I BEG

okay these baby butches are the only thing i can find any inspiration to write about rn lol lets do it

men and minors dni

"uhm..." sevika grabs your wrist as you start packing up your backpack. the streetlights have just flicked on, which means you have ten minutes to get home from your hideout before your mom gets mad.

"what?" you ask. sevika gulps. "sevika, what?" you ask. "you wanna come over for dinner?"

sevika huffs, then darts forward to kiss your cheek.

you bite your tongue to keep from smiling like an idiot.

you're still not used to that. it's been almost a year of you and sevika dating, and you still get butterflies when she kisses you.

"uh... y'know homecoming is coming up..." sevika whispers.

you grin. oh. sevika's trying to ask you to the dance. you laugh and grab her hand. "sevika. shut up." you say. she gasps and glares at you, and you snort, squeezing her hand. "i've got this whole stupid thing planned out to ask you. don't ruin the surprise."

sevika blinks at you, sparkles growing in her pretty eyes. "wh-- but you just ruined it!"

you giggle and shrug. "i have to get home, and i knew you'd be worrying about it all night if i didn't just tell you."

sevika tackles you to the ground, her lips pressed to yours, both of your laughs mingling as you kiss. you end up being late for dinner and lose desert privileges for the night.

it's totally worth it.

your plan is to buy her some flowers and take her to jericho's. but then you realize that the markets in zaun don't sell flowers that aren't meant for smoking, and jericho gets the flu and closes his stall down indefinitely.

sevika gets more and more anxious throughout the week, all giggly and nervous around you-- anticipating you'll ask her at any moment. it's really fucking cute. you don't want to disappoint her.

so, you do the second best thing.

you ditch school after lunch on friday and hoof it all the way up to the bridge. you spend about an hour picking the prettiest wildflowers you can find, then about twenty minutes picking thorns out of your hands.

instead of jericho's, you stop at a candy shop and get a pound of sevika's favorite candied pecans.

and then, on your walk to the hideout, you manage to snag an unattended bottle of hooch off one of the stands in the markets.

sevika's bitching at you before you can even fully climb the ladder to your hideout.

"you ditched me before physics!? what the hell is wrong with you, you're the only reason i go to that class and you--" she cuts herself off when you finally haul yourself up, one arm full of all your treasures.

you giggle at the shy smile that starts to grow on her face.

"i had some things to do." you say. sevika takes a step toward you, reaching out to grab the bouquet from your hands. "careful-- some of those have thorns."

"where did you get flowers?" sevika whispers. you giggle.

"i have my ways."

sevika rolls her eyes, then lets a grin take over her face. "so... are you gonna ask me?"

you laugh. "i don't have anything nice to wear, y'know. i'm not a very proper date."

"wear that nice black turtleneck of yours and your good jeans." sevika demands. you grin.

"you got my wardrobe memorized?"

"shut up. you haven't asked me yet." she says, kicking your shin. you giggle.

"will you go to the dance with me tomorrow night? we can get drunk and graffiti the girls' bathroom." you say, wagging the bottle of hooch in her face.

sevika grins. "alright." she agrees. "now come here and make up for abandoning me during physics." sevika demands, making grabby hands for you.

you cackle and set your presents to the side, wrapping your arms around your girlfriend and gently leaning in, trying not to crush the flowers as you kiss her.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@lavenderbabu @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @my-taintedheart

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen @annesunshiner

@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke

@strawberrykidneystone @vkumi @fict1onallyobsessed @dvrkhcld @sweetybuzz25

@sluttysierraaa @snake-in-a-flower-crown @ruiwonderz @littlemisszaunite @biblicalcrybaby

@blackgaladriel @nightlyconfusion @dancingqu33n17 @losernb @p1nkearth

taglist!!

@sevikas-baby @ghostscandys @sevikasllver

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

While I'm on a kick of being really open about my sexuality, lets just start throwing shit out there and seeing how people interact with it

People who have followed me from the beginning will know that most of my partners get some quippy little nickname assigned to them in place of a name for the internet, and I want to name that this actually DOESN'T come from where might think (or rather it's still infosec, but it goes beyond "don't post the actual names of people you fuck online"

In the scene I have most cultural context for, people often came to group play sessions with an alias (I have one too lol, and it's the only name I ever introduce myself to partners as, mine has been static for going on a decade now). You would introduce yourselves to playmates under your alias, and often you would continue to use it as a marker of in-scene vs out-scene topics of conversation (e.g. sometimes people will talk about their aliases in third person as a whole entity with their own motivation, life, and power, my mom used to talk about "her friend [redacted 1]" if she ever needed to be able to reference a thing without naming explicitly that she and [redacted 1] were the same person, and there are friends of hers who still call her exclusively by that name in private because they have loved each other for going on 50 years now and [redacted 1] is still their partner and love even if mom isn't and vice versa).

So for example, on here, I will refer to any metamours by the plural-inclusive term The Metamour with very little discussion of which one or how many there are or whatever. But in person, I call one metamour [redacted 2] and another metamour [redacted 3] because they were introduced to me by their aliases first, and I genuinely DID NOT KNOW THEY'RE ACTUAL NAMES until after we had become real friends lol.

Anyway, Youtube Boy doesn't know that his nickname here is Youtube Boy, and that's not his alias in scene, nor his actual name, but critically these terms allow me to side step early uncertainties around terms like "boyfriend/girlfriend/datemate/etc" which may imply a degree of romantic entanglement I'm genuinely uncomfortable with. On occasion during this round of posting, I have gone "well it's CLEARER tho" and tried to type out "my boyfriend" about one of my current partners (partner does not carry this same issue for me, as I have always carried dual connotations of Romantic Oartner and Play Partner, so I feel no discomfort/cognitive dissonance with it's implications) and every time I do it I physically cringe away from the screen and delete it. Maybe he wouldn't feel the same way, and hell maybe I won't forever either! But I have almost never been willing to use a word like boyfriend without fairly explicit conversations about commitment, meaning to each other, and boundaries that just don't come up all the time in play partnerships for me you know?

Anyway, what I'm saying here is that sometimes the point of being a slut is to get to be every iteration of yourself that you love being independently from each other in a space that adequately facilitates that iteration of you. I like the people I play with to each get absolutely all of me that is available to them, and I **LIKE** that this often means I get to spend time as different important aspects of self, wholly and without self-doubt or minimization.

And hell, sometimes I even name the iteratioms and let them become something bigger than just a "version of me" and that can be fun too.

[leinloa]

success story ♡ | my first touch with manifestation and + !!

(I want it, I can do it, I got it)

oh, where do I even start? My life is a constant and inconstant adventure, with its up and downs. When I was a kid, I was terrible at sports, and PE classes where a nightmare for me because I was afraid of other kids bullying me for not knowing how to play. Then, two days before a volleyball game, my mom taught me the phrase “I want it, I can do it, I got it”. I repeated this before the game non-stop, and boom, suddenly I was the best player in the game, and carried the whole team, to the point everyone was cherishing me. That’s when I first realized my power.

then, my life was a nonstop manifestation dream. I manifested my first telephone at 11, a iPhone 6s, something unreal for me, specially cause my family was not wealthy by the time, not even a little bit. Then, I remember watching gossip girl for the first time and desiring to have the lifestyle kids had at the show. In three months, the business my parents had skyrocket, and everything changed for us. Suddenly we had a imported car, used to travel at least thrice a year, trips to the shopping mall or touristic cities every weekend, brand clothes, going to expensive restaurants frequently, I studied in the best school at the city, a lot of friends, going out with them every week, and everything I ever dreamed.

After some years, my major manifestation was living by the beach. It was always a dream for me, but a day, I decided to write in a paper my manifestation desired, and one of them was “I am grateful for living in a big house at the coast”, and then, 3 weeks later, my parents came with news they where planning to move, and if I agreed with it. Agree? I was almost crying, lol.

[ejkmuffin]

Siblings

Isn't it odd to grow up with someone, to have them always there, and then suddenly they have a life outside of you? Your lives have always revolved around each other, and the others like you, your other siblings. You've been together since your birth, but not since theirs? They're older than you, and yeah most of their life has been spent by your side too, but there was a time that you weren't in their life. You've grown up together, your fondest memories are with them. They are your world. And then they graduate, go to college or get a job. Suddenly you don't spend all your time with them anymore. They've always had friends. Maybe you've wanted to be friends with them too, or were fine with them just being your sibling's friends who you see hanging around. But they graduated too, they have lives too. And maybe that doesn't affect your relationship with them, but it changes how your sibling spends time with them. Now, instead of them spending time together at school, they come to your house or your sibling goes to theirs. Now your sibling spends even more time away because they want to be around their friends.

You realize now, that you don't know your sibling as much as you used to. They have inside jokes with people you only sort of know. They spend more and more of their time away from you. Your relationship with them has changed, needs to adapt if you don't want to loose it, can you meet that challenge? or will you loose your brother just as surely as you lost your best friend?

Sorry. My brother's all grown up now. And I got a snap from his friend that he was hanging out with and realised that, all my fun, grand memories are with him and our other two brothers. Those boys are my childhood. And now he's making new memories that I'm not a part of and I'm so Happy for him. But it Hurts. Because I'm not a child anymore and we aren't best friends anymore. He's going to be the best man at a wedding soon and I'm going too, but... he's got a life now. I've always been bad a making and keeping friends, and here comes my brother, the most anitsocial person in our family and he does it with such ease... Makes and keeps such good friends, makes them better people, people he'd hang out with and. I've just had my closest friend move away and I've hardly talked to her. I just don't know what to say.

I miss my brother and he's not even gone. I'm homesick for a time that died when our little siblings were born. I'm not a child anymore. Most of what I consider my childhood happened before I was 6. After that... we just got so busy, and I had to grow up.

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Been rewatching the early Marvel movies and apparently this is the time of my life where I just get re-obsessed with characters I love so here's some random thoughts about Loki/Thor the Dark World:

Why. In the world. In the universe. Did Odin not ask Loki ANY questions when Loki was brought before him for judgement in Dark World? Like, at the BAREST MINIMUM he should have asked where Loki got an ARMY, the last time he'd seen Loki was when Loki fell off the Bifrost and then he vanished for a year and showed back up with the glowstick of destiny and an army that Thor says "are not of Asgard or any world known". ODIN. WHY ARE YOU NOT ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS?!

Like, we are aware that Odin is. partial to giving his kids harsh punishments. He obviously doesn't care about Loki's motives. Like, a good parent would look at their kid who disappeared for a year and then came back insane and be like "hey so what happened to you when you disappeared? you didn't get captured by a super powerful being and tortured into submission did you?" (Thanos tortured Loki I have SOURCES and I WILL cite them upon request) But even a bad parent who was a decent king would wonder how their kid suddenly got an ARMY out of NOWHERE and yet Odin never questions this at all. Even Thor in Avengers at least asks Loki "Who showed you this power? Who controls the would-be king?" (which just shows Thor would honestly be a better king than Odin tbh) but Odin is just like "nah this is not important. imprisoning my son for life and telling him how worthless I think he is is more important in this moment."

I wonder if she'd had more time if maybe Frigga would have been able to get Loki to tell her what happened and if maybe that was part of her goal of visiting him (beyond just, you know, actually being a decent parent who cares about her child and wanting to keep him company) because we know she's clever (she's smarter than Odin good gravy, is there like an age difference between them is he going senile or something) so PERHAPS she thought if she talked to Loki she could puzzle out what had happened to him and find out if there was, you know, a potential universal threat Asgard should be aware of. And like, if she had found out anything what was Odin going to say? He can't actually punish his wife in any meaningful way (lol imagine he tries and she just grabs her two grown sons and leaves, help xD) especially if she found out IMPORTANT INFORMATION that he SHOULD have discovered on his own.

This does kind of highlight an underlying problem with Odin, where he seems to think that Asgard is invincible and is, well, lazy about defending it. Like, I've seen posts about how Loki letting the Frost Giants into Asgard in the first movie is actually him not just showing that Thor is not ready to be king, but also demonstrating that Asgard has dangerous holes in its defenses. Because yeah, Loki can HIDE HIMSELF FROM HEIMDALL and sneak into Asgard. Heck, he can sneak OTHERS into Asgard while he's not even WITH them. That- that is a security threat, because if anyone BESIDES Loki could do that then Asgard could easily be invaded and- wait a second, that happens in The Dark World! The Dark Elves hide themselves from Heimdall and sneak an invasion force into Asgard! Destroying it's defenses and KILLING ITS QUEEN. Like, my goodness, do you think Loki is the only person with these abilities? Are you even trying Odin? At all?

TLDR; Odin is an idiot for not questioning Loki about the Chitauri/where he was for a year between Thor and Avengers, not to mention an awful father and an incompetent king.

[brain-deadx0]

I love the show The Librarians but I never can forgive the writers for making an entire episode about Ezekiel Jones going through trauma after trauma, learning so many things and growing so much as a person as he fights through a time loop looking for some way to save everyone, having him succeed in saving everyone but himself, and for his fellow Librarians who only know the last loop to bring him back BUT HE HAS NO MEMORIES FROM HIS TIME IN THE TIME LOOP!

Just a character reset and I was so pissed. They didn't even allude to him actually remembering but pretending not to!

[brittlebutch]

kind of astounding how innocuous conversations with my younger siblings can make me feel like dogshit... what are the good things about being the oldest kid supposed to be again??

[allisonreader]

Christmas decorating that was done at work this week.

[nexus-nebulae]

another childhood bucket list item obtained: i finally have a snuggie

[saltqueer]

we grew too many chilies to eat, even in a year, so i made up these little bags of them and will be giving them away to friends!

[flatoatchi]

my mom is so funny she'll be like "the first time you kiss someone it's gonna be bad. and the sex is gonna hurt real bad too" and then she'll call all my belongings and hobbies existing in her view an inconvenience because i asked if she could pull just a bit further into the driveway so my girlfriend can actually park here

[sakuhina]

i have a driving license exam tomorrow and am not ready at all

[pepprs]

[dandeliononthemoon]

it is kinda scary when you are on your period and you are about to make tea but you stop cuz suddenly you feel this ache and your body is saying to cry so you cry your heart out, slowly sinking to the floor, holding on the table and chairs, basically screaming-crying as if someone died and 2 seconds later you are getting up, continue making that tea and sit down to eat your cookie and drink tea as if nothing happened

[clamorybus]

i know "kids showing respect" usually means "shutting up and doing what their told", but my niece genuinely has no respect for her mother. its kinda fucked up to see, but it's my sister in law's fault; she just has no backbone, and has set no boundaries for that child