#there might be some typos but i spent so long on this i don't really care

[scientist-of-love]

Talking a lot about my AITSF fan project!!!

As you may know, I really, really like Pewter. He doesn't get a lot of time so I really want to see things from his perspective. I like him so much, in fact, that I've made a whole project about him!

To preface: 1) It's still a huge work in progress, there's a few characters that haven't been named or designed and a ton of plot details to still be worked out

2) I'm not planning to make it anything concrete, like a comic or a fic. Maybe one day...

That being said, I wanted to share it! AITSF has become a huge interest of mine, and I know I have some AITSF followers now... So I want to share what I've been doing, and maybe get some talk going!

As of now it doesn't have a real title, but I've been calling it Pewtergame. The premise is a hypothetical prequel game all about him! (Though, moreso focused on just the story then how it'd function as a game. Hard to figure out how to fill in gaps without AI-balls and the like, let alone if there'll even be multiple routes.)

These are all the characters I've designed for it so far! This is going to be a long post, so I'll go into the actual story and character details under cut. (There are mentions of murder, but nothing graphic and nothing worse than AITSF itself.)

Plot overview so far!

The story is split into two segments: Past (2013) and Present (2018).

Past focuses on the trialling of the newly made Psync Machine, and the very first psync... And what goes wrong as a result. Alongside that, the case ABIS is investigating begins to escalate more and more.

Present takes place 5 years later. Pewter is enjoying his everyday life... Until a sudden murder pulls him into another perplexing case.

The main themes I'm focusing on as of now are love, and creation - specifically, creators and their relationship to what they make.

I'll explain the cast more indepth after this, but the story so far goes something like this:

Past

Pewter and Boss are tasked with using the newly made Psync machine to investigate a theft. Pewter's old friend from school (TBN) volunteers to psync with the prime suspect, Kurogane. They discover an unintended feature of the psync machine, that it can swaps consciousnesses. Kurogane escapes in the psyncer's body, and the psyncer is left behind in hers.

Pewter, feeling guilty about his friend's situation, involves himself directly in the investigation. As he investigates, his younger sister Makane meets with him. She introduces him to her good friend Tomoru Kouseki.

Later, someone from the investigation team lets Pewter know Makane was spotted lurking around an important location (TBD). He gets a bad feeling and goes to see what his sister is up to. He finds her crouched over Tomorou's body.

She's brought in for questioning, but won't answer anything she's asked. Pewter goes and sees her, and asks to psync with her since she's struggling to talk. She agrees. Pewter psyncs with her himself to make her more comfortable, as well as wanting to make sure nothing goes wrong on his end.

Her somnium reveals that she's completely innocent, as Pewter thought. After this point, I don't have much else fleshed out.

They find Kurogane and return her mind to her body. She's arrested on suspicion of both the theft and murder, and the case is quickly swept under the rug to hide the truth about the Psync Machine. Pewter has misgivings.

Present (I have a lot less figured out here)

Pewter enjoys some peace. He checks in with his friend and Makane. Later, he goes to see Renju for their anniversary. He gifts his lover the wristwatch.

A couple of weeks later, Renju is working late at Lemniscate. On his way out, he spots the silhouette of... Someone against the side of the building. He discovers the body of a woman. So starts the next case.

Hearing Renju is involved, Pewter immediately goes to see him. He asks some questions, but is more concerned with finding out how Renju is doing

I have barely any other specific plot events laid out, so most of the details from will be in the character section below this.

Eventually, the true culprit behind both Past and Present is revealed. Gin Shiratsuki manipulated his "friend" Kurogane, and had her take the fall for him.

And of course, after everything's resolved, there's a nice epilogue and a dance number led by Seiko.

Cast

Pewter - Past & Present

- 30 in Past, 35 in Present

- The man himself! Everything is from his perspective.

- There's a lot of focus on his relationships to the people he loves, as well as his relationship to his inventions (mainly the Psync Machine).

- I imagine there'd also be a lot of fun details! Like how he got involved in ABIS in the first place, what he gets up to outside of work, some of his personal insight into his creations, all that stuff that doesn't come up in AITSF. While I haven't come up with all that just yet, I hope I can include it in the bigger picture.

Boss - Past & Present

- 35 in Past, 40 in Present

- She has a similar role to AITSF, but she's more involved here.

- She has a lot of interaction with Pewter, and their relationship gets more focus. I think she's the reason he's part of ABIS in the first place, so that has some bearing on their relationship.

Mama - Most of what I have planned for her is for Present, but she'll probably appear in Past too

- 29 in Past, 34 in Present (Probably)

- Her role is the same as AITSF, acting as an informant. She and Pewter do have some good conversations, some about general events, some about Renju in particular.

Araya Kagami - Past & Present - He's there!

Renju Okiura - Present

- 35/36 in Present (haven't 100% decided when this takes place)

- Renju is a lot of things, but the most relevant here is Pewter's lover. Their relationship gets a lot of focus!

- His discovery of the second victim's body is what initially draws Pewter into the 2018 case.

- I don't have a lot worked out for him yet but I want to make him important! Also want to have some focus on him as an individual, go into some things AITSF didn't touch on.

The first psyncer (TBN) - Past & Present

- 30 in Past, 35 in present

- A good friend of Pewter's from school that he's stayed in touch with. She's a very kindhearted woman and is always eager to help people. Intrigued by Pewter's call, she offers to become the first psyncer.

- Despite being very rattled by the body swap, she still does her best to help where she can.

- In Present, she returns to take on the case as the main psyncer.

Makane Amanoma - Past & Present

- 24 in Past, 29 in Present

- Pewter's younger sister. Pewter nicknamed her "Kane".

- She's a pretty easygoing person, notably more outgoing and outspoken than her brother. She doesn't like sitting around doing nothing, and is very confident in herself. Teasing Pewter is a favourite past time of hers.

- Although she enjoys being a menace to her older brother, she does genuinely care about him. She trusts him more than anything, and they get along really well. After finding Tomorou's body, he was the only one who could get her to finally open up about what happened.

Numea Kurogane - Mostly Past, but makes appearances in Present too

- 36 in Past, 41 in Present

- A cold fashion model and designer who seems to hold her work above all else. She has a tendency to avoid people or push them away if they interfere with her time to work on her projects.

- She feels that no one understands her work, and she looks down on those who question her rather than inviting them to learn. She believes Gin is the only one who understands her.

- Gin is the only person she sees as a friend. She clings to that connection, and that's used to take advantage of her.

- She hates Pewter's guts and his outfit.

Tomorou Kouseki - Past

- 24 in Past

- A good friend of Makane

- Tomorou is a very friendly, very sweet guy who makes a living as a professional photographer. He's just a great guy to be around, really good company. Makane gets him to take a photo of her and Pewter together when she introduces him to her brother.

- I'm still working out the exact details, but he got a photo of something that pointed to Gin being the culprit. He lost his camera, and Gin held off acting because he hoped that'd be enough to stop Tomorou. But Makane found it and returned it to him. Gin decided something had to be done before he turned in the evidence.

- Just to be sure, Tomorou decided to follow up what he found at the (TBD) important location. He let Makane know he was gonna leave for a while. He never came back, so Makane went looking for him... And discovered the body.

- He's the first victim, murdered by Gin to make absolute sure he stayed silent.

TBN A - Mostly past, makes a small appearance in present

- Still deciding on his occupation (some kind of manual labour?) but he does creative writing as a hobby.

- I don't have a ton worked out for this guy yet, but he's a friend of another TBN character who appears in present. A steady, grounded guy with a straightforward perspective. He simply does what he thinks is right, no question about it.

- He has some sort of connection to the 2013 case.

- Pewter finds him very handsome.

TBN B - Present

- A painter who's always trying to find inspiration. In Present, he's struggling with art block.

- He's a pretty laidback guy who doesn't seem to have a lot of cares. While it's partially true, he's repressed a lot of real dark feelings.

- He was friends with TBN A in past, but a (TBD) event pushed them apart. He dealt with it by pushing TBN A away out of shame and fear, deciding to simply pretend the incident never happened.

- After he's psynced with, ABIS learns of his old friendship. Pewter approaches him and talks to him about it. He finally opens up, and makes an effort to reconcile with his old friend.

- Again, still working things out, but his connection with TBN A helps reveal the connection between the 2013 and 2018 cases.

Here's the concept sketches, B on the left and A on the right.

Seiko Kotetsu - Present - 18 in Present - A spunky, outgoing newbie idol who works for Lemniscate. Renju is giving her a hand putting herself out there. Pewter meets her while looking for him at Lemniscate. (She cluelessly tries to introduce him to his own boyfriend. Then calls him an old man.) - She's very passionate about her music, and a little desperate for it to be heard. She craves the attention and praise, something to prove she's on the right path. Alongside that, she's insecure about what she makes, especially if she doesn't get it perfect right away. - Her mother, Ukana, passed away in a car accident 6 years before Present. Ukana was a composer who was very passionate about her craft and her family. She taught Seiko everything she knew about music. Because of everything, Seiko believes Ukana lives on in the music she makes. She wants her music to be heard not only for herself, but so that her mother can live on in it. - She ends up spending time with Pewter, and takes a liking to him. She can tell Renju trusts him, though she doesn't fully get why. She doesn't really care though, as long as Pewter's not causing trouble.

Taichi Kotetsu - Present - 48 in Present - The husband of Ukana and father of Seiko. - A humble, mild-mannered jeweller. He wants nothing more than to support his daughter. He's her biggest fan, listens to all her music, and tries to help with whatever she needs. - He worries that Seiko is pushing herself too hard and wonders if the idol life is really what's best for her. But he's afraid of bringing her down, especially after she endured such a terrible time losing her mother. - He shares the grief of losing Ukana with Seiko. He knows he can never make up for the place she left in their lives, but he wants to do everything in his power to see Seiko smile. - He knew the second victim (still unsure how exactly). She bought a necklace from him, which was found at the scene. Pewter took it after Kagami confirmed it belonged to the victim, and Seiko saw it and identified it as her father's work. - He knows something, but I'm unsure as to what.

The Second Victim (TBN) - Present

- I have nothing worked out her yet asides from her formerly being a friend of Gin, and her having gold motifs.

- Pewter doesn't meet her personally, but she's talked about and learnt about that way.

Gin Shiratsuki - Past & Present

- 30 in Past, 35 in Present - The true culprit of Past and Present. On the surface, he's calm and friendly enough. He even comes off similar to Pewter. However, it's all surface level. It's very easy to set him off. - Much like Pewter, he takes great pride in his achievements and creations. However, he thinks that he deserves all the praise and recognition, and that anyone who's better than him is a threat. He thinks his way is the only way. - He drove away or cut off a lot of his friends because of that, leaving only Kurogane. He feels a genuine like for her, but he doesn't think using her in the way he does is really bad. - Figuring out the specifics still, but he was involved with the Wadjet System. (Maybe as a programmer?) He felt that his contributions were overlooked (whether they actually were is questionable) and grew bitter towards his co-workers. - He learnt about Pewter and the Psync Machine through Kurogane, and he hates Pewter for it. He acknowledges how talented Pewter is, and he sees that as a threat. His grudge only grows more personal as Pewter interferes with his plans. It turns into a something akin to a parasocial relationship, though it's more of a rivalry. - He calls Pewter by his nickname despite not knowing him personally (Kurogane mentioned it to him). He's not doing it to be friendly, but rather attempting to reduce Pewter to the name associated with his ABIS work. Pewter doesn't know why Gin is calling him that, but he finds it really unnerving coming from a stranger speaking with spite.

- I have all that, but I'm still working out the exact details of Gin's motives and crimes. Concept for Gin:

I did consider having Date involved but 1) it's hard to fit him in a way that doesn't sidetrack the story and 2) it's heavily tied in with the Psync Machine, and he is not allowed to know that! I did want to explore Pewter's relationship with Aiba, but perhaps that can be for something else.

The main things I'm working out are the exact details of the crimes, and how all the individual pieces fit together. I also want to make the cast more interconnected. Making something near as elaborate as AITSF takes a lot of work!

Okay, that was a lot...! But that's about the extent of what I have going on! Of course there are some other details, but this post is long enough. Maybe I'll post some of my other art for it. For now, I hope this was interesting! I am very very open to talking about what I have going, I'm very eager to share!

[didyoulookforme]

pov: matty finally comes back from tour

just some fluffy and smutty times after he arrives at your place.

this one is longer than usual as it’s one i had in my drafts from a while ago.

warning: 18+, smut. grammatical errors, typos.

word count: ~2,900

masterlist here

———

it was 17:48 and you stood facing your dirty floor length mirror. you kept messing with your hair, doing your best to tame it but nothing seemed to be working as little bits just kept sticking out at the sides. sigh.

today was the day. after many, many weeks (a lifetime, really) matty was finally coming back to london. you'd been counting down the hours for this night since you last hugged him right outside the uber. "don't miss me too much, darling," he whispered before he kissed your lips one more time, hopped inside the car, and left you standing there, alone.

to say you missed him was an understatement. you tried to keep occupied by picking up extra shifts at the cafe, frequenting the cinema by yourself, rearranging your room several times, anything to keep your mind from that messy curly hair and pretty brown eyes. but nothing worked which made you feel sick to your stomach with longing.

every other minute he made his way back into your thoughts whether you wanted him there or not. you missed his stupid, silly grin. you missed his baggy clothes. you missed his hands tangled in yours. you missed seeing him walk through your door.

it was now 18:12 and you finally finished picking out your outfit. some sheer black tights, a short denim skirt and one of his shirts, the flowery one which he accidentally left at your flat years ago. the buttoned top was too large for your frame, but you didn’t care as it very faintly smelled of coffee, cigarettes and matty.

you were choosing a ring next when a knock at the door made your heart jump. the jewellery didn’t matter anymore as you swiftly ran across your hallway, thankful that your flatmate agreed to spend the night elsewhere because she knew what would end up happening. you smirked because you knew she wasn't wrong...

you swung the door open (a bit harder than you meant to) and there he was, holding one single white flower.

“i’m searching for my girlfriend. do you know where she might be?” you rolled your eyes but couldn’t help and laugh at his stupid pickup line. "is that really the best you could come up with during the last few months, healy?"

you stepped forward to wrap your arms around him, nestling your face in the crook of his neck and pulling yourself in as close as humanly possible. his arms found your waist and the both of you stood there while you felt the warm blood rush through your body.

“i missed you, matty” is all you managed to say before you pulled away just far enough to kiss him on the lips which he eagerly welcomed. he tasted of honey and everything was okay again. “i missed you, too, love.” you kissed once more.

you stepped aside to welcome him in, closed the door in front of you, taking a long, deep breath before turning around. he held out the small flower which you gladly took to place in a small bottle half-filled with water. you enjoyed that he was one for cheesy, romantic gestures because deep down you loved them even if you didn't admit to it.

matty sat down on the floor to take off his beat up sneakers. "huh, so i guess that's where my shirt went," he looked up and pointed at the top you wore. you decided to leave the upper three buttons undone which you hoped he would notice. "but it looks much better on you." he definitely noticed.

———

it was now 20:36. you'd both spent a few hours catching up, matty sharing his stories from tour while you made him a very simple but tasty dinner. "you have no idea how much i missed having food that doesn't come in a greasy paper bag." he ate up every single bit of the meal while you just watched from your spot on top of the kitchen counter, glass wine between your hands.

while you missed him when he was gone, you didn't envy the lifestyle of a touring band. it sounded lonely. even though there were many people around you, it appeared they only wanted to get in your bed. matty didn't seem to mind so it made you wonder if anything might’ve happened between him and others...

you continued to sip your wine, taking mental notes of his current appearance. his eyes were tired yet his greenish cardigan made them sparkle. his hair was slightly shorter than you remembered, yet defined curls still framing his face. he wore his usual necklace but there were some new ones added to the mix. you liked them (he knew you would).

when he finished his food, he got up to wash the dirty dishes and store them away. dear matty wasn't one to keep his own home clean but you appreciated his efforts to be better at your place. thank you.

he walked over to you (still on the countertop), snaked his arms around your waist and placed his head on your chest. you set your wine glass aside to play with his hair, soft and fluffy between your fingers. you definitely missed this.

it wasn't long before the both of you sat on the sofa messily kissing as if to make up for the time he was gone. you'd be lying if this wasn't what you’d been looking forward to the most, yet it still caught you by surprise when you found yourself straddling his lap. you realized what happened and it made your face turn red, which matty instantly noticed.

"are you okay, love?" he kissed the corner of your mouth, "we can always stop if you want." he gently ran his hands up and down your thighs to provide some comfort, eyebrows knitted together wondering if he had done something to upset you.

he had done nothing wrong. you hesitated because for once, you wanted to be in control. and knowing that you had mindlessly crawled on top of him made you realize you were about to make that happen. or at least attempt to.

you grabbed his hands in yours, placing them over his head and behind the sofa as his look of concern turned to that of hunger. you bent down to eagerly kiss him, making your way to his neck and leaving small red love bites all over. you could tell he wanted more as his hips started to shift up and down, but you didn't give him the satisfaction just yet. instead you bit down on his neck one last time before placing your forehead against his. "i want to be the one riding you tonight."

you saw as his pupils dilated at your request, his goofy grin starting to appear before your lips found his again to stop him from talking. (this wasn’t the time for cocky remarks, sorry matthew.) you could feel him melt underneath you as his fingers went soft in your grasp. "do you understand?" all he could do was nod before you bit his bottom lip, finally eliciting a moan from him. this was all the confirmation needed to boost your confidence.

matty gazed at you, slowly panting through parted lips as you brought his arms back over his head and placed his palms on your chest. he understood what you needed from him, as he started touching your breasts making you close your eyes and smile. “fuck, i want you.” he began to unbutton your shirt but you quickly swatted his hands away. “not time for that yet, i’m afraid.” the sounds that came from his lips were just heavenly, want dripping from every groan.

now you were the one who started to remove his cardigan, pulling at the fabric of his white shirt underneath until his upper half was bare. “you’re a thing of beauty.” you couldn’t help but kiss him again, holding on to his shoulders hard enough for your nails to dig into his skin, leaving more marks on his body.

you began to slowly grind your hips against him, feeling his excitement through his jeans. his fingers found your hips as he tried to get you to move faster. you stopped.

right away he knew he made a mistake, causing him to groan in frustration and cover his face with his hands. “this is not fair.” seeing him want you this bad was exactly what you had craved when you daydreamed of this scenario.

you removed his hands from his face and pressed a peck on his nose. “just taking my time to see what you do, baby. clearly it’s not your thing.” this made him chuckle but you could feel the tension building on his body as you slid down his lap, placing yourself on your knees right in front of him.

you pressed your cheek against his thigh, innocently looking up at him, batting your eyelashes at a sexually frustrated matty. you didn’t feel too bad for him.

now that you had started to undo his belt, he gazed down at you, bottom lip quivering between his teeth pleading for you to go faster. you managed to unzip his trousers, right away noticing a wet spot on his boxers which you touched with your thumb, swears leaving his mouth the second he felt you finally pay attention to his cock.

you pulled down his jeans which fell to pool at his ankles. you kissed his tip through the thin fabric, hands moving up to hook on the waistband and tugging it down. the dumb expression on his face was priceless. you had him were you wanted and there was nothing he could do about it.

all of his clothing was finally set aside. a naked matty sat right in front of you and you were pretty sure you could do anything. you still didn't feel bad for him.

———

you quickly glanced at your watch, the hands telling you it was 21:42. still on your knees, you decided it was maybe time to give poor matty some relief. he had tried his best after all.

when you started to stroke his cock, his head fell back and the sounds pouring out of his mouth were otherworldly. his hands were to his sides, grabbing at the fabric of the couch as you continued to move your own fingers up and down at a slow but steady pace.

once again you placed your cheek on his leg and looked up at him, taking a mental picture of wet parted lips, unruly brown hair, and slightly closed eyes.

he finally looked back at you, lifting his right hand to run it through your hair. even though you were giving him a hard time, he was gentle with you, knowing that hurried actions weren't going to get him anywhere tonight. you were glad he now understood. even though you wanted to be in control and make him come undone, you still yearned for softness and care, something which you've always wanted from a relationship but were never lucky to receive. this was the closest you've ever been.

you continued to stroke him while you brought your lips to his tip, taking him in your mouth. "fuck, fuck..." you knew it took all of matty's strength to not thrust his hips into you. good boy, you thought.

after a few minutes of licking and sucking, you stopped (sorry matthew), stood up and grabbed his hands in yours to lead him into your room. when the two of you reached your bed, you kissed him for the millionth time that night before gently pushing him into your bed. you both laughed, matty getting settled on your covers, head on your pillow, all while you took off your skirt and tights.

he stared at you getting undressed, doe eyed and sweet, a small grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. ugh, he was perfect you had to admit.

in only your (well, his) shirt and underwear, you crawled on top of him, carefully sitting on his legs. this is how you had pictured this evening, you above him studying his every action.

you started to undo the remaining buttons of the flowered shirt one by one, taking your time getting to the last one. an excited matty lifted himself on his forearms, sucking at his bottom lip when the shirt fell off your arms and realized you had nothing underneath. "god, you're going to be the death of me."

he grabbed a hold of your thigh, drawing slow circles with his thumb wondering what your next move would be. what he wasn't expecting was to see you slide your hand down your panties and to start rubbing your clit. to be honest, neither did you.

but it felt good. you knew how to please yourself better than anyone and it was made infinitely better by having a horny boy gazing in your direction, lusting after you. his hand had stopped caressing your leg and instead he was holding on to it like his life depended on it. you continued to touch yourself, slowly moving your hips along and never breaking eye contact with him.

it wasn't long after that you inserted a finger, making sure he knew exactly what you were doing. you didn't confess that you did this same thing many times while he was gone, thinking of fucking him senseless. that's what you now wanted, too.

you pulled your hand out of your underwear and swiftly took them off in the process, finding yourself naked on top of a patient matty. you didn't waste any more time as you moved forwards, gently touching his lips as he opened his mouth to hungrily suck on your fingers. you wanted him to taste you, his moans reassuring you he was enjoying every second of it.

once your fingers were wet enough, you went straight for his cock again, but moved at a much faster pace than before. the poor boy couldn't keep a hold himself anymore, loud whimpers echoing off the walls and his whole body twitching underneath you. "please, fuck me." that's all you needed to hear before you kneeled forward to place him at your entrance and finally start riding him.

the sensation of him filling you up felt unlike anything else, making you arch your back in hopes of getting even closer to him. you couldn't go slow any longer, but your movements were still calculated, wanting to savour every single moment.

"you feel so good, sweetheart," he managed to mumble out between moans. his head was on the pillow, a lewd expression on his face as you continued to grind your hips against him, his hands firmly holding on to ensure you didn't stop.

your hair started to stick to your body as sweat appeared on your skin. you leaned back a little to keep yourself upright, while also giving him a better view. you knew exactly what you were doing and he took notice. a string of swears stumbled out of him, a look of nothing but hunger across his face as you kept thrusting yourself against him. "matty, please touch me."

you didn't need to ask him twice before he propped himself up to a sitting position and started to grab your breasts while you continued to fuck him. there was no harshness to his touch, which you greatly appreciated, a deep contrast to your hips frantically bucking back and forth on his hard cock.

his mouth went to your neck, placing small kisses wherever he could while moaning your name against your skin. it was all too much and not enough. he cupped your face, resting his forehead against yours, both breathing heavily and quietly laughing at the same time. just as the flower he gave you earlier that day, these cheesy, small gestures were what you craved the most. "matty."

it was at that moment that you hit your high, unable to control your movements any longer and giving yourself permission to let go as he held your body close. your head fell back as he carefully grabbed the side of your neck to ensure you didn't go far. a few seconds later you felt warmth as he came inside you, crying your name once again.

you kept your arms wrapped around each other for a while, him kissing the top of your head asking if you were okay. you nodded against his neck, unable to move much as most of your energy had all been spent.

eventually he fell down on his back and looked at you, “fuckin' hell, that was amazing.” he was still catching his breath, you both were. “maybe i should go on tour more if this is the welcome i get.” that earned him a pillow smack on the side of the head. “don’t get any ideas, healy. you got lucky this time.”

[alwaysonthemend]

Author's Note: Requested by the lovely @mindastreamofcolours Please don't throw tomatoes at me I know this has taken FAR too long (I'm the worst I'm so sorry) But I hope the length is enough of an apology for the wait. If you see any typos... no you didn't

Also sorry if you got tagged twice. Tumblr was against me posting this apparently and I was ✨struggling✨ but I think I got it fixed now.

Warnings: Fem!reader, threesome (no slash) / unprotected sex / spitting / spanking / oral (m. and f. receiving) / hand jobs / masturbation / voyeurism / arguing / josh being josh / jake being a little shit / dom and sub jake / dom and sub reader / soft!dom josh / MINORS ABSOLUTELY DNI. 18+ ONLY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Word Count: 7k+

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ✺ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

It started years ago – this little… arrangement that the three of you have. And at this point, none of you can even really remember how it had started. But, you suppose, the why and how don’t really matter anymore. 

All that matters is them. 

All that matters is that your life had changed from the very minute you were hired as their makeup artist. Your life changed to revolve around them and their needs. 

And you love every second of it. 

The rules (though none of you have ever really stated them outright) have always been simple. 

One: Don’t talk about it with anyone else. No one needs to know what goes on behind closed doors and no one needs to concern themselves with something they won’t understand. This works for you three and involving others would only complicate things. 

Two: No jealousy. At least, no more than a little showing out here and there. They work together (and they love each other more than anything else in the world) and this cannot ever get in the way. No questions, no pissing contests, no anger, no holding it against each other. There are nights where you leave with Josh and there are nights where you leave with Jake. There’s nothing else to it. 

And finally, three: Never at the same time. 

The arrangement is simple, really. You’re there to help them get their frustrations out now that they’re far too famous to be sleeping around with just any old roadie like the old days. They trust you. And you trust them. It’s easier this way for everyone. They get to blow off some steam and you get the most mind blowing sex of your life – all while getting to travel around the world doing what you love (for a handsome paycheck). 

Plus, there’s satisfaction in knowing that despite there being thousands of men and women out there who would give anything to have them the way you do… it’s you who they go to. It’s you who they trust. 

And anyways, you’re fairly certain that none of those screaming fans would be able to handle them like you can. 

Though it had taken time, you had learned over the years what makes each of them tick – the thing that drives each of them absolutely crazy. 

They’re both so similar and yet so different at the same time. Sun and moon, yin and yang… whatever you might call it – they balance each other in a way that few can understand. 

Their differences are subtle, and yet they make all the difference in the world. 

Josh loves to watch you. He wants to see how your face contorts in pleasure and how your tits bounce when he fucks you. He wants you on your back with your knees up to your chest so he can watch his cock slide in and out of you. He wants to watch you unravel around his cock as he whispers sweet things into your ear. Good girl, clever girl, beautiful girl. All you have to do is lay there and take it – let him pleasure you with his skilled tongue and big cock. Call him baby and Joshy in your sweetest voice and he falls apart inside your cunt, whining and moaning so prettily for you. Josh will give you orgasm after orgasm after orgasm until your body just can’t take it anymore and when you’re finally spent – laying there in a daze,  he’ll grin and kiss you softly. 

And then there’s Jake. Ever the dark to Josh’s light… he wants you to beg for it. He wants you cock drunk and desperate as he brings you to the edge over and over and over again until you’re left as nothing but a whiny mess beneath him. He demands respect. You call him sir or you will receive punishment. You do not cum unless he tells you to. You are obedient to him and him alone (though he always remains a slave to your pleasure despite himself). He likes you on your hands and knees where he can grip your hips and reach around to squeeze your throat as he pounds into you mercilessly. And his mouth. The vulgar things that spew from those plump lips of his leave you blushing like a schoolgirl. You’re his whore, his slut, his pretty little hole that he gets to use for the night. And when he finally, finally lets you cum…it’s the closest to Heaven on Earth that you’ll ever get. 

But yet, as different as they are from each other�� they’re the same in all the ways that matter. Your pleasure is at the top of their priorities. As much as you are there to help them relieve themselves on the road… they never take you for granted. At the end of the day, you call the shots and you have both of them wrapped around your finger completely. They’ll follow you into the depths of Hell if you ask them – which you’re sure is where all three of you are headed anyway. It’s an addictive little dance that you all play and you’re sure that it can only lead you all down the path of destruction. And yet… none of you can find it in yourselves to care. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ✺ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

You already know that they’re pissed. You can practically smell it in the air as you wait patiently in the green room, waiting. 

They had already been having one of those days – where everything seems to go wrong and they’re both intent on blaming the other for it. You’d been watching them do their dance all day. Listening to their bickering and passive aggressive little remarks at each other as the hours wore on and on. As close as they are… as inseparable as they are, there are days when they can’t seem to stand each other. 

And unfortunately, the tension between the two of them had manifested itself on stage tonight. Of course, you’re 100% certain that none of the members of the audience had even noticed, but you had. And they sure had. 

Josh had been late to the curtain drop. Perpetually late to everything else, he’d always had the decency to at least be on time for his own concerts until tonight. Jake’s shoulders had tensed practically up to his ears at the confused sounds of the crowd as they realized that they were one man short and though you couldn’t see him, you’re sure that the glare that Josh had probably received had been pointed and harsh. 

And then of course Jake’s equipment had malfunctioned briefly, causing him to angrily gesture at his tech to get the problem fixed. It hadn’t taken longer than two minutes and few even noticed the mishap, but the shit eating grin that Josh had given Jake only added to his building rage. 

And finally, the nail in the metaphorical coffin for the night… Jake had decided that it would be a wonderful idea to cut Josh off in the middle of one of his little bits, effectively silencing his joke with a piercing whine from his guitar. 

You’d known immediately that it was over. They'd pushed each other far enough and you would be the one to suffer the (delicious) consequences. It’s just a matter of who gets to you first. 

If Jake reaches you first, you know that you’re in for a night of complete sexual agony and he’ll push you to your limit until he deems you’ve begged him enough for it before finally giving you an orgasm that you’re sure to remember for months to come. And you’ll surely be waking up tomorrow with a bright red ass and a hitch in your step. 

And if Josh gets to you, well… it’s harder to tell with him. Perhaps he’ll decide on a vibrator for the night – getting to watch you fall apart serving as the perfect distraction from his troubles. Or perhaps his tongue will instead be his weapon of choice, using it to make you cum until you physically can’t anymore. 

Either option sounds wonderful and you can’t quite tell which one you want more. The wait will be well worth it no matter which boy is the one to reach you first. 

– 

The sound of the door opening stirs you from your thoughts. You turn to see Josh (the lucky winner for the night) eyeing you like you’re the most incredible thing he’s ever seen. At this point, you’re pretty sure that you are. 

“Y/n.” 

That’s all he says. It’s all he has to say. Even from here you can see his eyes are blown wide and his chest heaves as his eyes drink in your form. Standing there, cloaked in velvet, he’s the picture of sin. The gemstones on his suit glitter as he stands there and you meet his hungry gaze with an innocent smile. 

“Hi, Joshy. Something wrong?” The lilt in your voice is sickly sweet, building up the tension that will inevitably make him snap. 

He only hums – the sound rumbling deep in his chest. 

“I think you know what's wrong, baby.” He whispers, dropping his hand down to palm his hard cock through the velvet. 

Well shit you think to yourself, an excited thrum coursing through your veins as slick pools between your thighs. If he's starting something here… he's desperate enough to not be able to wait for the short ride back to the hotel. All the signs are pointing to tonight being one that you won't forget. 

“Bad day?” You question, leaning back on the sofa where you're sitting and giving him your very best doe eyes. 

He nods, a sigh escaping from between his teeth as his hand grazes his crotch– his throbbing length obvious to you through the tight material. 

“Anything I can do to make you feel better?” This game is making you even wetter… the promise of what you know is to come. Without another word, you slide your body downwards until your knees hit the floor. You glance at him, patting the sofa with your palm. “Bet I can make you forget all about today, baby.”

“Fuck.”  He practically moans, biting his lip as he stalks across the room to look down at you. “You gonna be my sweet girl? Help me relax?” 

You nod, your mouth watering at the sight of his cock straining the fabric of his jumpsuit.

He grins devilishly, unzipping his suit and pulling the fabric down so that it rests around his thick thighs. With grace, he eases himself down to sit on the sofa, leaning back and spreading his legs. 

He never wears underwear in these tight suits and you’re grateful as you sit and stare at his cock. Flushed red and rock hard, it curves upwards to rest against his belly. 

Making a show of it, you hold your palm open and allow a string of saliva to drip from your mouth into your waiting hand. Josh groans at the sight and you waste no time as you wrap your palm around his length, slowly pumping him as you keep your eyes fixed on his. 

A flush has overtaken his cheeks and a light sheen of sweat beads at his hairline. He's got his plump bottom lip caught between his teeth as he fights to keep his eyes from rolling back. He wants to watch you stroke his cock. 

You drop your focus to his throbbing erection, flicking your wrist as you continue to tease him. You press your thumb into the spot just beneath his head and a whine escapes him. You keep the pace slow – too slow for his liking. Working him up until he can't stand it anymore. 

“Don't tease, baby.” He whispers, his tone soft but demanding. 

His hand covers yours, halting your movement as he gazes down at you. You know what he wants. You open your mouth and stick out your tongue, flattening the muscle as you look up at him through your lashes. 

“Fuck, there she is. My wonderful girl.” He mutters, placing the head of his cock on your tongue. He doesn't push in yet, instead taking a moment to admire the sight before him: you, on your knees, tongue obediently extended and your eyes glittering in the dim light. 

Slowly, teasingly, he slides his length into your mouth and you close your lips around him. Relaxing your jaw, you allow the blunt head of his length to hit the back of your throat. You gag slightly around it, exhaling strongly through your nose. Placing both of your palms on his thighs, you dig your fingers into the meat of them as you start to bob your head up and down. You keep your tongue pressed into the underside of him, drawing a loud moan from between his pretty lips. 

You pull out all the tricks you know, making sure to gag every now and then because you know it drives him wild. Tears stream down your cheeks and saliva drips from the corners of your mouth and Josh is quickly coming apart beneath you. 

Just as his cock begins to twitch, signaling his impending orgasm, you’re both broken from your moment at the sound of someone clearing their throat. You pull off him, wide eyes turning to be met with none other than his twin – a dark, dangerous look on his face. 

“What a fucking sight.” He says with a grin, stepping further into the room. 

Josh eyes him warily, his cock softening at Jake’s interruption. 

“What do you want, Jake?” You ask him, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. 

“You’re kinda interrupting something, here.” Josh says snidely, sitting up straighter and pulling his jumpsuit back up to cover his cock. 

“I didn’t say you had to stop.” Jake shrugs, taking a seat in the chair opposite the sofa. “Just patiently waiting for my turn, is all.” 

You quirk a brow at him. He’s never done this before – neither of them have. You can sense the tension and anger radiating off Josh – and Jake seems entirely too comfortable as he sits there watching, a smug little smirk on his face. 

“Wait somewhere else, then.” Josh demands, sitting up straighter and glaring at his brother. 

Jake only meets him with a grin, sitting back in his seat and spreading his legs to get more comfortable. 

“I’m good here. Won’t take long anyway.” 

Despite yourself, you huff a laugh at his joke and then it's your turn for Josh to glare at you.

“Fuck off, Jake.” Josh tells him, jerking his head for the door. “Be fucking thoughtful for once in your life.” 

Jake sits forwards suddenly, placing his elbows on his knees and narrowing his eyes. 

“That’s rich coming from you, brother. Easy for you to say when you always get your fucking way.” 

“That’s not true and you know it.” Josh snaps, eyes fiery. 

Jake scoffs. 

“Fucking diva.” 

“Asshole.” 

“Boys.” You cut in, wiping your palms on your thighs. “Enough. I’m not doing anything with either of you if you’re going to act like children. You,” you glance at Josh, “now you know that you can be controlling and nitpicky sometimes.” Josh’s eyes narrow at you and he opens his mouth to protest but you start in on Jake instead. 

“And you” You glare at Jake, washing the smirk off his face. “You know that you like to stir shit up and make people mad on purpose because you think it's funny. You both have been acting unreasonable all day and you will not be using me as a piece in your little games with each other.” 

Josh looks suitably chastised and Jake too has the decency to look a little guilty. You rise from your place on the floor, knees protesting slightly. Both of their brown eyes track your movements, their facial expressions exactly alike. Fucking twins you think to yourself. 

“Can you please make him leave?” Josh begs, pleading with you with his eyes and a tiny pout on his lips. 

“No. I’m the one who’s leaving. I’m not fucking either of you until this” you gesture between the two of them, “gets resolved. You both know what room I’m in. Get your shit together and figure it out.” 

With that, you stalk confidently across the room, throwing open the door and making your way to the exit of the venue. Just as you round the corner, faintly you can hear Josh’s voice – angry and high pitched, “You couldn’t even let me have one fucking moment with her, could you? You asshole!” 

Rolling your eyes, you call an Uber and wait for it to take you back to your hotel. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ✺ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

You take a nice, hot shower as soon as you get back. You take your time, allowing yourself to relax and forget about your idiotic twins. Once you get out and dry off, you check your phone to see a text from Jake. 

I’m sorry.  

You just giggle at the message. You know he’s never being malicious. But he does enjoy stirring shit up sometimes without really thinking about the consequences. You figure you’ll leave him on ‘read’ for now so he can sit there tonight and stew for a little bit.

Just as you turn it off, the screen lights up again with a text from Josh. 

im sorry baby

You figure you can answer him. He hadn’t been the one to try and involve you in their pissing match anyways. You send him a quick ‘It’s okay.’ before turning your phone off for good. Once changed into a pair of comfortable cotton panties and a tank top, you slip under the covers in the hopes of getting some good sleep. 

–  

A loud knock wakes you. 

Sitting up, you rub your eyes and try to get your bearings. You’d been sound asleep. 

Another knock against the door. 

“Fuck, coming!” You call, climbing out of bed and making your way to the door, fully expecting one of the twins to be waiting on the other side. 

The door swings open and you stop dead in your tracks. Both twins stand across the threshold, matching twinkles in their eyes. 

“Hey, angel.” Jake says kindly, as if both of them showing up at your door in the middle of the night is perfectly normal. 

“Um. Hi?”

“May we come in?” Josh asks you, grinning slightly as he takes in your state of (un) dress. 

“I guess?” You step aside, allowing them both to step into the room (annoyingly in sync as they walk). You close the door and lock it behind you. “Is everything okay?” 

“Wonderful, actually.” Jake says, plopping himself down in the desk chair and swiveling back around to look at you. 

“You and Josh figure things out, then?”

“Yup.” Josh says, popping the ‘p.’ 

“Great.” 

They’re both silent for a minute, making you squirm slightly under their dual gazes. They know something… or want something. You can feel it in the air. They’re up to something. Whether good or bad… you have no fucking clue. 

“Is there a reason that you’re both here?” You ask, sitting on the edge of the bed as Josh comes to stand in the middle of the room. 

“Yes. Though whether or not both of us stay is up to you.” Josh starts, glancing back at his twin for a moment before continuing. “See, we realized that we were both being a little overly dramatic today.” 

“Which Josh started.” Jake butts in. 

“Shut up, Jake.” Josh says, narrowing his eyes again and you’re worried that they’re going to start all over again. But Josh lets it slide. “And neither of us really want to give you up for the night seeing as how we’ve both had such a shit day.” He pauses and looks pointedly at Jake. “Regardless of who started it.” 

“And see… we thought that maybe – just this once, neither of us should have to wait. Figured that maybe we could share you for tonight.” Jake cuts in. 

“Share me?” You ask slowly, brain working a mile a minute as it tries to make sense of his words. Surely he doesn’t mean… right?

“Only if you’re comfortable, of course.” Josh says easily, hands moving about slightly as he speaks. “Or you can tell us to fuck off and we’ll leave you alone for the night.”

You swallow thickly, heart thrumming. 

“Share me…” You echo, brows pinched together. “As in, you both… with me. At the same time.” You speak slowly, still trying to wrap your head around the idea.

“In essence, yes. If you’d like to.” Jake says. 

You’re silent for a long moment – each of them waiting patiently for you to speak again. You’d be a big fat liar if you said that you hadn’t thought about it before. Having both of them… the ultimate sin that your mind loves to throw at you whenever you’re alone. Nights in between touring when you lay alone in bed, your own hand between your thighs to relieve the ache that the twins leave in their absence. Your thoughts – unable to choose, swirling between both of them. Their faces, the same but not, plaguing your mind’s eye and making your aching pussy soaked. Josh’s sugary words and Jake’s dirty compliments echoing through your ears all mixed up. The thought of having both of them at once – as wrong as it may be… just the thought alone usualy has you coming apart in seconds. 

And now here they are, offering you your deepest desire on a silver fucking platter. 

“Okay.”  You breathe out, voice shaky but sure. 

“You’re sure?” Josh asks, stepping towards you and brushing his fingertips down your cheek. “It’s your choice.”

“You won’t hurt our feelings by saying no.” Jake adds, smiling ever so softly at you. 

“And I’m saying yes.” You tell him with all the confidence that you can. Because you do want this. More than anything. You want to be fucking ruined. 

And yet… you’re not sure where to start. This is new territory – one that feels as though it’s too good to be true. Perhaps it is. 

“I believe I interrupted something earlier.” Jake says, once again leaning backwards in his chair. “Perhaps we can start by letting you finish what you started.”

Jake must have sensed your hesitance, deciding instead to tell you where to start. You’re infinitely grateful for him and his ability to sense when you need guidance.This is familiar for you – letting him take control. It’s natural the way his velvet voice tells you what to do. It makes this easy. 

You nod, gaze sweeping to where Josh stands, his face eager as he watches you slide off the bed to come and stand before him. 

“On your knees for me, sweet girl.” Josh whispers, easing his sweatpants off his hips and then hooking his fingers in the elastic of his boxers and pulls them down as well. He’s already hard and leaking, probably aching to be touched after being interrupted earlier. Slowly, you ease down onto your knees. 

“Suck his cock, angel. Make him feel good.” Jake’s voice is smooth as whiskey, just barely above a whisper. 

You do as he says, opening wide and letting Josh slide his cock back into your waiting mouth. 

“Shit.” He hisses, tossing his head back as his tip hits your throat. His hand comes up to tangle in your hair as he begins to thrust into you softly, giving your throat a moment to adjust to the intrusion before picking up his pace. 

You can feel the wetness between your thighs as you sit there letting him use your mouth – the cotton of your panties surely completely drenched through. Something about the noises Josh is making coupled with the feeling of Jake’s dark gaze on you has you feeling like you could come completely untouched before the night is over. 

The sound of a zipper being undone has you pull off Josh and snap your gaze over to Jake – Josh whimpers at the loss of contact but you’re more concerned with the sight of Jake easing his own hard cock from his pants and wrapping his fist around himself. He strokes his hard length lazily, eyes never leaving you. 

“Did I tell you to stop?” He asks, a sharp edge to his voice. “Keep sucking him, angel. You look so pretty like that.”

Josh’s finger hooks beneath your chin, forcing your focus back onto him and you gasp at the sight. His eyes, normally a soft brown, are blown almost black with lust. His cheeks are flushed and his breathing is heavy as he gazes down at you. 

“Focus on me.” He says softly, his thumb coming down to caress your bottom lip. He tugs at it, dragging it downwards slightly before gripping your jaw a little harder. 

You take the hint and open your mouth again. 

“Good girl.” 

This time, you do give him your full attention as his thrusts into your mouth grow more confident. You gag around him and you hear Jake let out a quiet little groan at the sound. Spurred on, you relax your jaw even more, taking Josh even deeper. 

“Oh fuck.” Josh whines, head tossed back in pleasure. “Good fucking girl.” 

His cock twitches on your tongue and he pulls out, a string of saliva connecting his flushed tip to your mouth. 

You pout slightly, having wanted to taste his release but he only smiles at you. 

“Not yet, baby. I wanna savor this.” He caresses your jaw lovingly. “On the bed.” 

You hastily comply, scrambling to sit in the middle of the large bed and looking at your twins – waiting for them to tell you what to do. 

“Look at that.” Jake says with no small amount of pride in his voice as he stands up and begins to strip from his clothes before striding over to the side of the bed. You take a long moment to admire him. 

You eye the way his biceps and forearms flex as he moves, your mouth waters as you admire his plush thighs, and your own thighs clench at the way the strength of his body is balanced by his curves that are so rare to find in a man. He’s nothing short of breathtaking.

“Always so eager to please. Just waiting to be told what to do.”  He hums, hand still lazily stroking his leaking cock. “Strip.”

“That’s a good girl.” Josh mutters, watching you with hungry eyes as you pull your tank top over your head and slide your soaked panties down your legs, kicking them to the floor. 

Josh, the only one still clothed, begins to strip himself – but your focus is ripped from him as Jake comes to stand at the edge of the bed. He grips your calf in his strong, calloused hand, using it to yank your body around and onto your back. There’s no finesse to his movements as he manhandles you into the position he wants, the hunger in his eyes infinitely clear. 

Once on your back, Josh climbs into the bed between your thighs. He settles his weight between them, using his palms to spread your legs wider and exposing your glistening folds. His back muscles flex as his lithe form settles, his amber eyes glittering up at you. 

“She’s dripping.” Josh murmurs, tongue darting out to lick his plush bottom lip. “Stunning.” 

You whine, inching your hips towards him slightly, your core aching to be touched. 

“Desperate little thing.” Jake’s velvet voice rings out through the room, his hand coming down to tangle in your hair. He stands at the edge of the bed, his hard cock merely inches away from where your head hangs off the edge.

Another pulse of need rocks through you as your brain catches on to the possibilities that this position grants you. With Josh nestled between your thighs and Jake’s aching member so close to your mouth, you have no doubts about where this is going. 

As if in answer to your sinful thoughts, Josh swipes a finger through your folds, just barely brushing against your swollen clit and making you jolt. 

“Josh, please.” You whine, spreading your legs wider for him – begging him silently to give you more. 

“She just loves to be eaten out, don’t you?” Jake murmurs, looking down at you squirm on the bed. “Go ahead, Josh. Give her what she wants.” 

Josh relents, delving into your core and circling your bundle of nerves with his tongue. The feeling is sudden – aggressive even, and the stimulation makes you cry out loudly. He hooks his arms around both of your thighs as he begins his assault, using his talented tongue to completely unravel you. 

Jake, never one to let the spotlight last on Josh for too long, taps the head of his cock on your lips. Without hesitation, you open your mouth and let him slide his member between your lips. With your neck hanging downwards, he reaches all the way to your throat with ease. You moan and swallow around him, making his composure crack slightly as a groan escapes him.

“Fuck. Perfect little mouth.” He praises, beginning to thrust delicately into you. “Tap on my thigh and I’ll stop.” He says through clenched teeth and all you can do is moan around his cock in response. 

Josh’s slender fingers suddenly join in the mix as he plunges them into you – curling them in a way that makes your legs feel like jelly as he keeps lapping at your clit with your tongue. He moans as he does so, his hips rutting into the mattress below him as he pleasures you. 

If your mouth wasn’t otherwise occupied, you’re sure that you’d be screaming from the pleasure. Between Josh’s menstrations and the sound of Jake’s breathy moans as he fucks into your mouth, your orgasm is already rapidly approaching. 

Your arms thrash about widely, finally coming down to fist into the sheets as the crest of pleasure builds within you. Josh is unrelenting, using all the things that he knows makes you fall apart. Jake is faring no better than you, his face twisting and contorting in pleasure. 

“Come on, Y/n. Be a good slut and cum, baby.” He encourages, voice shaky with his own pleasure. “Enjoy it. You’re not gonna get another one for a long while.” 

With that, the band snaps and your orgasm rips through you – drenching Josh’s face as he works you through it. Jake pulls from your mouth, allowing you a chance to get a full gulp of air as you writhe beneath them. 

Josh sits up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and grinning from ear to ear. 

“Tastes like candy.” He says, licking his lips as he gazes at your spread out form. 

All you can do is lay there stunned for a moment as you recover, chest heaving. 

“She’s a sight for sore eyes.” Jake murmurs, caressing your jawline with his pointer finger. “Bet that pretty pussy is just aching to get fucked, isn’t she?” 

You nod, body already aching for another orgasm. 

“Does my beautiful girl want my cock?” Josh asks, gripping your ankles and pulling so that your head now rests fully on the bed. 

Just as you open your mouth to reply, Jake cuts in with a dangerous lilt to his voice. 

“Don’t assume, brother. Maybe she’d prefer someone else’s.” 

“Doubtful.” Josh snarks, glaring daggers at his twin. 

“Fuck, stop.” You breathe out, sitting up to glare at both of them. You try to keep your face stern, but the thought of both of them arguing over who gets to fuck you has more slick pooling between your thighs. “No arguing.” 

“Your choice then, baby.” Josh grins, a smug smile on his face as if he already knows your answer. 

But in truth, even you don’t know. In fact, you have half a mind to let them continue arguing if only to further fuel the fire between your legs. But you figure that encouraging them would only end in all out warfare. Instead, you just grin at them, a wonderful idea coming to life in your mind. 

“Jake.” You start, turning to meet his dark eyes. “Get on the bed.” 

He grins and complies, eyes glittering thinking that he’s going to get his way. He always does when it comes to the bedroom, but tonight you want to challenge him – remind him and Josh who’s really in charge here. 

Jake crawls over to you, a dominant air about him as he moves to smother your body with his own. But instead of allowing it, you press your palm into his chest and push – shoving his back roughly into the headboard. 

Air escapes his lips in a shocked huff as he stares at you – completely taken off guard. Josh, seeing his expression, laughs quietly.  

“Angel, what-” 

You shush him. 

“Quiet.” You glance between him and Josh. “You both said that I’m in control, didn’t you?” You ask, though it’s not really a question. You all know the answer. 

Jake nods and Josh whispers a quiet ‘yes.’

With a grin, you turn your eyes to face Josh, his lips parted and eyes watching your every move – just waiting for you to tell him what you want. 

Without a word, you nudge Jake’s legs further apart before settling yourself on your knees between them. His chest moves up and down rapidly as he looks up at you. Though he’s letting you call the shots, you’re sure that you’ll pay for it some other time. But for now, you’re going to enjoy it.

“You know, Jake…” You murmur, sweeping your palms up his thighs and feeling the muscle twitch beneath your fingertips, “You love calling the shots. Maybe even more than Josh does.” You drop your hand to play with his cock – lightly pinching his tip between your fingertips and making his hips buck upwards off the bed. “I feel like maybe it might be time for a taste of your own medicine, yeah?” 

A delicate, almost silent whimper escapes him. It’s so quiet that you might have thought you imagined it… but the way his cock twitches and his chest heaves gives him away. 

“Josh?” Josh, sitting silently and watching you, perks up as you finally turn your attention back to him. “Come here, baby. Right behind me.”

Josh complies, crawling over behind where you sit between Jake’s thighs. Without a word, you slowly ease your chest downwards, spreading your own thighs and allowing your ass to stick up invitingly in the air for Josh. You wiggle your ass and a shaky exhale punches out of him, his hands coming to rest on your hips. 

As he does so, you sweep your gaze up to meet Jake’s eyes – his pupils blown wide with want. Opening your mouth, you teasingly lick up his shaft, swirling the tip of your tongue around his head, before pulling your mouth away again. 

“You don’t get to come until I say. Understand?” 

He nods and you wrap your arms around his thighs and dig your fingers into the soft flesh. 

“Words.”

“I understand, angel.” 

Tossing your head back over your shoulder to look at Josh, you ease your hips back towards him again. 

“Let me fuck you, pretty girl.” He begs, his hard cock pressing into your ass cheek as he waits for your permission. 

“Go ahead, Joshy.” You tell him, keeping your voice nice and sweet just like he likes. “Make me feel good.” 

You descend your mouth back onto Jake’s aching cock as Josh enters you with one long thrust. You moan, causing Jake to groan at the vibration. 

“Fuck, just like that.” Jake moans, his hand coming up to grip your hair but you swat it away. You want to enjoy the control for a while longer. 

Josh’s hips slam into yours rhythmically, his pace slow and precise. With each glide of his cock against your walls, his head nails that special place inside of you. It takes all of your focus to keep bobbing your head up and down Jake’s length, making sure to keep your tongue pressing up into him – making him writhe and moan as he fights to keep himself from rutting his hips up into your mouth. 

“Baby,” Josh moans, his voice sounding wrecked as his hips increase their speed. “Fuck, I can feel you fluttering around me.” 

The wet sound coming from between your thighs coupled with the sound of Josh’s skin hitting yours and the sound of your mouth moving up and down Jake’s cock makes a delightfully symphony of pure lust and sin. You know already that this night will forever be cemented in your mind for years to come. You will never be able to think of it without growing wet. Josh’s cock is stretching you so wonderfully and Jake’s pretty noises are making your clit throb. 

Saliva dribbles out of the sides of your mouth, drenching Jake’s cock and just by the sound of him alone you can tell that he’s close. Josh’s pace is beginning to grow frenzied, his breaths coming out in tiny little moans as his own orgasm approaches. Hearing both of them, Jake’s hot, aching cock twitching on your tongue, Josh’s cock hitting all the right places… it’s like every one of your senses has been overtaken with them. Their sounds, the feel of them. Fuck it’s the best feeling in the whole fucking world. And as much as you don’t want this to end, you just can’t fight your orgasm anymore. 

You cry out around Jake’s cock, throat constricting around him as your release rips through you. Josh is a moaning mess as his own orgasm overtakes him, his cock painting your walls as he buries himself inside of you. His hips keep going, overstimulating himself with your clenching pussy as he fucks you through your orgasm. 

Finally he pulls out, murmuring praises for you as he tries to calm down. 

Through the haze of pleasure clouding your mind, you register Jake’s cock twitching on your tongue. He needs to cum, his whines echoing over the roaring in your ears as he holds himself back, waiting for your permission. 

You pull off him, robbing him of his finish and a feral growl escapes him at the loss. You’ve enjoyed not giving him what he wants and the power has gone to your head it seems. But you’ve pushed it too far. 

Faster than what you thought possible, Jake sits up and fists your hair in his grasp. He yanks backwards, exposing your throat for him and you can’t help but moan. 

“Brat.” He whispers, leaning in close to you. His eyes look over your shoulder to Josh, who’s eyeing the both of you warily. “Move.” Jake demands, but Josh doesn’t do it. “Move.” He demands again, eyes blazing. 

A fresh wave of slick escapes you, dripping down your thighs and drenching the bed below at the anger in Jake’s voice. Making him wait, telling him what to do… it had been wonderful while it lasted but this is the Jake that you want. 

“Josh.” You whine, unable to face him fully because of Jake’s hold on your hair. “Do as he says.” 

Gingerly, Josh moves up in the bed. As soon as he’s out of the way, Jake grips your waist and flips you, pushing your back into the mattress as he hovers over you. His cock, neglected and no doubt aching, grazes your stomach and your thighs clench together in the hopes of soothing the ache there. 

“I agree to share you for the night, I let you call all the shots. Fuck I even let Josh be the one to fuck you…” He says darkly, his fingers gripping your sides and digging into your skin harshly. “And this is what I get in return, huh?” He laughs, sitting up just a bit to grip his cock in his hand and pump himself a few times, his precum making it easy for him. “No more nice. You’re gonna lie here,” he says, sliding his tip through your wet folds. “And you’re gonna fucking take it.” 

Josh, breaking his silence at last, leans back onto the headboard and spreads his legs. 

“Be good for him, baby girl. Just lie there and look pretty doing it.” 

The shock of his words has you momentarily breathless but then Jake spears you with his cock, effectively silencing your thoughts of anything other than the feeling of him stretching you. You cry out, hands fisting in the sheets at your sides as Jake starts a merciless pace. His hips are like lightning, pounding into you at a pace that you’ve never experienced before. 

From the corner of your vision you can see Josh, his hand dropping between his thighs, his dick rock hard yet again despite having only just cum moments before. He moans your name at the first glide of his hand over his cock, his knees falling open wider and his jaw hanging slack with pleasure. 

"You look so fucking pretty like that, baby." Josh's words come out shaky thanks to the pleasure coursing through him. "Fucking hell."

Jake, his face contorted in almost a snarl, snaps his hips into yours like a man possessed. It’s so fast and so soon after your last orgasm that your pussy feels like it's on fire – icy hot sparks mixing with the pleasure as your body trembles beneath him. You open your mouth to speak – to demand more or for him to stop you have no idea, but all that comes out is a high pitched, whiny moan. 

“I don’t fucking care.” Jake grits out, licking his thumb and dropping it to circle your clit. Your body jolts, the pain of overstimulation finally melting away to fiery pleasure.

Josh’s moans grow louder, the sound of his fist over his cock matching the pace of Jake’s hips – brutally fast and unforgiving. Your name falls from between his lips, interrupted only by groans and whimpers as he brings himself to the edge yet again. 

"Cum for us, baby. Make a mess." Josh encourages, his hand never slowing.

"Give it to me. Come on, angel." Jake's demand is firm but his voice wavers and cracks as he holds himself back.

The band that has been building and building in your lower belly finally snaps and your whole body goes taut, your muscles contracting and shaking uncontrollably as your release washes over you. Jake’s pace finally falters, his hips stuttering and a loud, feral groan falling from between his plump lips as he finally finishes. Josh’s voice rings out as he paints his hand and belly, his own release hitting him at the sight of you. 

– 

As the fog of lust and wanton, filthy desire finally begins to dissipate, the three of you are left lying there trying to get your breathing back under control. As harshly as Jake had been fucking into you just moments before, he’s delicate and soft as he slowly pulls out of you. His hands caress your sides, his rough fingertips ghosting over your skin and making goosebumps rise in their wake. Josh sits up and leans forward to brush your sweaty hair from your forehead. 

You smile lazily up at them, body still buzzing with pleasure but tiredness leaching into your muscles. 

“Better now?” You murmur, a lazy smile on your lips. 

“Infinitely.” Josh answers you, eyes glittering.

“Thank you, angel.” Jake says, pressing a feather light kiss to your belly. “So good for us.” 

“The best, even.” Josh adds, tone equally soft as Jake’s kiss. “And all ours.”

“All yours.” Is all your tired brain can come up with to answer. And it's the truth. You’re theirs. Completely. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽ ✺ ☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

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[modernperplexity]

Chapter Rating: E (18+) Minors DNI, fluff, smut, unprotected p in v, oral sex f receiving

Word Count: 3.6k

Pairing: Frankie x f!reader

Summary: Things heat up...finally 🔥

A/N: So this is my first smut writing experience e v e r. I'm both quite terrified and excited. I hope it's as fun to read as it was to write. As mentioned before, I'm open to suggestions and ideas. My asks, DM's are always open :)

This chapter was not beta read. Sorry in advance for any typos.

Special shout out to @gyabislzr your input and suggestions are so valuable. I love talking stories with you!

If you'd like to join the tag list click here :) or let me know in the comments.

Happy Frankie Friday!💜

Series Masterlist

Chapter 4 / Chapter 6

Chapter 5: Edge of Desire

The gentle morning light shone on the rumpled sheets beside you. You stretched and yawned before the pang of a headache made its presence, a little reminder of the events of the night prior. Frankie spent the night. You sat up in disbelief as you began to remember, Frankie had really spent the night, his lips touched yours, his scent still lingering on your sheets. A smile gently made its appearance on your lips. When the sudden sound of a frying pan piqued your curiosity.

You quickly padded over to your kitchen where the aroma of coffee greeted you as you entered the kitchen, finding Frankie with a towel slung over his shoulder, his white tee hugging his broad frame.

"Mornin' sunshine," he greeted, handing you a steaming cup. "Hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of raiding your pantry."

"Coffee and breakfast?" you said, leaning against the counter, the headache dulling with each sip.

"And some painkillers," he added, placing a light kiss on your forehead. "Thought you might need them."

"You're a lifesaver, thank you,"

"Least I could do," a hint of warmth in his voice.

"So, what's cooking?" you asked, nodding toward the stove where he was busy flipping something in the pan.

"Pancakes and bacon. Figured you could use something to soak up last night's indulgences."

"Fair enough," you said with a smirk, taking a seat at the table. "I'll take all the help I can get."

Frankie chuckled, joining you at the table as he plated the food. There was a comfortable silence between you as you ate, the tension from the night before still lingering in the air. As you finished your meal, you couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude toward Frankie.

"Thanks for breakfast," you said, offering him a small smile. "And for… everything else."

Frankie returned your smile, his eyes softening in a way that caught you off guard.

"Anytime," he replied, his voice quieter than before. "You know where to find me if you need anything else." He added with a wink.

"Don't say that" You said playfully "might have you here all the time"

He chuckled, "I'm not sure if you remember our conversation last night but I meant everything that I said" Frankie's eyes carefully searched yours as he sipped his coffee.

"I did too" You nodded, feeling a sense of warmth spread through you at his words.

Frankie glanced at his watch, "I wish I could stay longer Hermosa, but I have to pick Camilla up soon," he said apologetically, "I'll text you soon, though. Promise." Frankie's lips curved into a sweet smile as he leaned in to press a gentle kiss on your cheek.

Watching him gather his things and head towards the door, you couldn't help but feel a twinge of longing. The morning had been unexpectedly pleasant, and you found yourself already looking forward to the next time you'd see him.

—

You went about your Sunday with your usual routine, though today held a subtle shift in the air. The typical chores awaited your attention—laundry remained untouched, and breakfast dishes sat in the sink. Yet, your focus was elsewhere, drawn irresistibly to the dancing blue bubbles on your phone screen.

Your phone buzzed, Frankie's name flashed across the screen, accompanied by a playful message.

Frankie: "Hola Hermosa. Miss me already?"

A grin spread across your face as you typed out a reply, your heart fluttering with excitement.

You: "Maybe just a little 😉. How's Camilla?"

Frankie: "Being an agent of chaos as usual. But don't worry, She says hi "

You couldn't help but laugh at the mental image of Frankie wrangling his energetic daughter.

You: "Tell her I said hi back! And make sure she doesn't give you too much trouble."

Frankie: "No promises. She's a handful, just like her old man."

You: "Guess that makes two of you then!"

As the day wore on, you found yourself eagerly anticipating each new message from Frankie. Your heart racing with every notification, like a lovesick teenager, completely caught up in the excitement of it all. Lost in the flurry of texts, you didn't notice the time slipping away until the sun dipped below the horizon, casting the room in a soft, golden glow. With a contented sigh, you set your phone aside, feeling a sense of warmth and excitement bubbling inside you.

—

Monday's had always been dreadful, the Sunday blues made a consistent appearance every night prior, causing you to curl up on your couch with a cup of your favorite tea to ease the anticipation of a new week. But ever since Frankie, things changed. His and Cami's arrival every Monday morning brought a sense of ease and excitement, at least, till now.

Your steps echoed down the clinic hallway as you nervously paced stealing glances out the window in the hopes of spotting the familiar sight of the green Jeep pulling into the parking lot. It was already fifteen minutes past the start of Cami's session, and Frankie had never been late before. Maybe there's traffic? Or maybe he regrets everything. A line has been crossed…What if-?

Heather strolled past you on her way to the printer, her voice cutting through your worried thoughts "How odd. Your kiddo's not here yet?"

"Nope" you replied, trying to sound casual "No sign of them yet"

"Oh by the way, did you see the e-mail from admin this morning?" She asked, sorting the thin stack of papers.

"Oh.." You realized you hadn't checked your emails, too preoccupied with setting up for the upcoming session "I haven't gotten to that yet, what's up?"

"We're sharing Cami now!" She squealed with a little too much excitement. "Their insurance approved them to be seen twice a week now! And, since you're schedule is booked they put her on mine for her second day. Isn't that great?"

"That's amazing! I'm glad she'll be getting all the help she needs" You flashed her a warm smile, "We're currently working on three-word phrases.. You'll love her, super cute kid and-"

"Even cuter Dad" Heather interjected, catching you off guard, "who knows maybe Mr. Morales will start bringing me coffee every session" She teased with a wink.

"Heather…it's not like tha-"

"Don't give me that look" She interrupted reading your expression, "No ring on that finger, sweetheart" she pointed out, leaning in closer. "And I know you know that too" her tone carrying a thinly veiled threat.

Is she onto something? No, that couldn't be right. I mean, how? Technically, there was nothing going on.

Thoughts of Frankie overwhelmed you, picturing his firm grip on your thighs as he lifted you, his breath sending shivers down your spine as it brushed against the curve of your neck. The memory of his lips meeting yours with an intense hunger consumed your mind.

Suddenly, the sound of a sweet little voice tore you away from your reminiscing thoughts and directed your attention to the clinic door, more specifically, the man holding her in his arms. "Peach time!" she cheered.

"Hey there Cami!"

"Sorry we're late" Frankie huffed as he set Camila down "Hit some unexpected traffic on the way over"

"That's okay, why don't we get started?" You suggested, keenly aware of Heather's lingering gaze.

__

Camilla's sweet giggles and squeals filled the clinic room. She had made so much progress- she was now able to label various body parts, colors, and household items. Her vocabulary had expanded so much in comparison to when she first started. She loved to sing, pop bubbles, and color, but most of all she loved to play with toy animals. Frankie was always so attentive to your advice and took special notice of the strong bond that you had with his daughter. He often wondered what it would look like to have you around more often.

"I meant to give you last week" Frankie pulled out a small envelope and handed it to you, "It would mean a lot to Cami and I, if you made it but we understand if you already have other plans"

You received the envelope with a shy smile. The watercolor safari-themed birthday invitation read, Four Ever Wild- Join us to celebrate Camila's 4th Birthday. "Oh Cami, you're growing so fast! Of course, I'd love to be there"

"Tell her how old you'll be." he gently encouraged, "show her- just like we've practiced"

Cami proudly lifted three little fingers, her other hand holding onto a plush elephant toy she brought from home.

Frankie chuckled "Almost there preciosa, remember you'll be four soon"

Camilla burst into giggles "I be fouh"

"Nice work Cami!" you praised, "Aww I can't wait to celebrate you, sweet girl"

Camilla smiled in response but her attention quickly shifted to your cube shelf. Her tiny hands eagerly grasped the small toy helicopter whose tail roter peeked out from the storage cube. She hurried to show off the toy to her father. "Papa look!.. choppuh!"

"A big chopper!" you said, reaching for another smaller model from the storage cube to continue Cami's play.

"Like the one Daddy flies," Frankie added, his eyes meeting yours with a warm smile spreading across his lips. "Speaking of… I'd like to take you with me sometime." Your heart skipped a beat as you bit your lip, a smile coloring your cheeks a rosy shade of pink in response to his offer.

"I'm sorry" he paused, a hint of nervousness flashing across his eyes "I should've waited until after the session to ask but I wanted to ask you in person"

"No, it's okay, I'd really like that," you replied, feeling your heart flutter with anticipation.

"Great, It's a date," Frankie confirmed, sealing the moment with a promise that made your heart swell.

As the session came to an end, you felt a surge of excitement coursing through you. With a lingering touch on your shoulder, Frankie whispered, "I'm excited to be your pilot." His breath brushed against your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

"Likewise," you replied softly, your voice barely above a whisper.

Frankie's grin widened, his eyes twinkling with excitement. "I'll make sure every moment is worth the wait," he promised.

It hadn't been long after you walked them out of the clinic when your phone's screen lit up with a text notification that made your heart skip a beat.

Frankie: You looked really beautiful this morning.

You: I think I'll look even better as your co-pilot ;)

Frankie: Oh, I bet. Might get a little too distracted.

You couldn't help but giggle at his response, feeling a warm blush spread across your cheeks.

Frankie: By the way, I haven't forgotten about that faucet. I can swing by Wednesday evening, If you're free.

You felt a wave of heat rise to your cheeks.

You: That works! Looking forward to seeing you, handyman.

—

"He spent the night!?" Michele exclaimed, her eyes widening in surprise as she set her wine glass down. "Spill woman, spill!! How was it?"

You laughed, shaking your head. "Well, let's just say there were sparks, but it wasn't exactly um..a fireworks show."

Michele leaned in, her curiosity piqued. "What happened?"

You hesitated, trying to find the right words to describe the electric tension that had filled the air. "Well, we were definitely vibing, and things got pretty steamy, but then…"

"Then what?"

"Then we both kinda hit the brakes," you admitted, feeling a mix of disappointment and relief. "But at least it was clear that the feelings are mutual."

Michele nodded understandingly. "Well, hey, progress is progress, right?"

"Yeah..," you agreed, taking a sip of your wine before adding "So, he's coming over tomorrow.."

"He's coming over tomorrow?" Her eyes lit up as she shifted in her seat.

"Yep, he's got his handyman hat on and is ready to tackle that faucet situation." You said biting your lip.

"Hmm, a little handyman action turning into something more?"

"Who knows?" you replied with a sly grin.

"Maybe he'll end up fixing more than just the plumbing" Michele giggled, "Whatever the case, I'll have my popcorn ready," she added with a wink.

"Anywho, what happened with the guy from the bar,"

Michele's expression a mix of amusement and chagrin. "Well, things were getting pretty hot and heavy…."

You raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "And?…"

"Then we get to his place, and his so-called roommates actually turned out to be his parents!"

You couldn't help but gasp "No way! Did his mom walk in on you guys or something?"

"Came in with a whole tray of milk and cookies!" You both burst out in laughter.

"Please tell me you took a cookie!"

"Yeah, but I think I'll pass on dating guys who still need a curfew. I swear I he looked older!"

—-

"Hey, do you think you can turn the shut-off valve?" Frankie's voice carried a playful edge as he glanced at you, noticing your eagerness to assist.

You had been keeping him company while he worked on your bathroom sink. Taking special notice of his broad shoulders made your sink look small. The way his muscles flexed as he tackled the task at hand. Having Frankie in your home once again stirred a sense of comfort and lit a fire deep within you.

"It's the one on the right," he directed with a small smile playing on his lips.

"Yeah, okay" You responded.

Reaching for the knob, you turned it, but before you could react, a sudden burst of water sprayed out, drenching both of you in surprise. You let out a surprised squeal as the water splashed onto your clothes, leaving you both thoroughly soaked. Laughter bubbled up between you as Frankie swiftly reached below the sink to shut off the valve.

"Well, that was unexpected," Frankie quipped, his grin widening as he failed to suppress his laughter

You covered your mouth in embarrassment, "I'm so sorry.."

"It's alright, Hermosa". He took notice of how your slicked strands framed your face. Even when drenched, you stirred admiration in him. "Oh god, you're soaked" Without a second thought Frankie instinctively grabbed a towel to pat you dry. "Here" He patted your cheek and trailed down to your collarbone, seemingly unaware that his touch had soon reached your breast. As Frankie's hands moved over your damp clothes with the towel, a charged atmosphere seemed to build between you. His touch was gentle yet firm, sending a fiery rush through you, as you felt his warmth radiating through the fabric. The atmosphere crackled with an intensity, an unspoken tension that hung between you, electric and undeniable, that left you dizzy.

You looked up into his eyes, finding they had darkened with something you couldn't quite place. His gaze lingered on your face, tracing the lines of your features as if committing them to memory. You soon realized that the moment had shifted into something deeper, emerging from a place of desire.

"Frankie…" Your response barely above a whisper.

Frankie's fingers brushed against your skin, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. Your heart raced in your chest as you felt the closeness between you grow with each passing second. His proximity was intoxicating, drawing you in like a moth to a flame.

"Yes?" he husked, his gaze searching your face for any hint of reservation.

"Don't. stop." you breathed, your heart racing.

Without a word, Frankie leaned in closer, his lips hovering just inches from yours. The world around you seemed to fade away as you focused solely on the man before you, his breath mingling with yours in the space between you. Your lips met with an urgency that defied all reason, a hunger that begged to be sated. It was as if fireworks exploded overhead, igniting a fire within both of you, a culmination of longing and desire that had been building between you for far too long.

His hands reached for your thighs, as his kiss deepened, lifting you onto the sink with ease. Tools and various items fell to the floor, but in that moment, neither of you cared. His damp curls caressed your skin, leaving a trace of cool as his lips trailed down the crook of your neck. The heat of his breath sent shivers down your spine, releasing soft moans from your lips.

Frankie's fingers dance on the hem of your damp shirt, he examines your gaze watching your expression closely with a slight grin. The sight of you biting his lip drives him crazy but still, he waits for your response. "This okay?"

"Uh huh" you breathed, your chest now rising and falling rapidly as the tension rose and heat reached your center.

His large hands cup the full of your bra, the other working at the clasps of your bra, paying close attention to the way your supple breasts fell freely. It wasn't long before his lips enveloped your nipples, sucking and flicking his tongue in just the right way that sent a jolt of pleasure through you.

You desperately reached for Frankie who was now straining against his jeans. He shook his head and stopped your efforts "You first, Hermosa" he teased with a half smile, his hand dragged your skirt up your thigh and moved your panties to the side. Running his fingers through your slickened center, "already so wet for me" he whispered.

His fingers slid into your core pumping slowly and increasing in pace, leaving you breathless. "I want you to come for me.. like this" his voice hoarse with wanting. The way his fingers felt inside you drove you dizzy, your body already responding to his every move. His thumb circling deliciously over your clit compelling you to become undone in his arms. He reveled in watching your expression dissolve into waves of pleasure accompanied by the sweet noises that you made.

"Take me to bed" you managed.

Frankie's embrace felt strong and secure as he carried you to bed. Quickly getting rid of your clothes, you frantically started at his belt. Your hands grazed his hard cock straining against his jeans and let out a surprised squeal when Frankie, pulled your legs down to the edge of your bed.

"I wasn't done" he growled, sinking to his knees.

His eyes glazed over as he took you in and placed soft kisses that teased the tender skin of your thighs as he parted them, lifting them over his broad glistening shoulders. His mouth soon found your slick heat, his tongue lapped and sucking at your center. Each graze, and swirl of his tongue built up to send shockwaves of pleasure bringing you to the edge. You let out a desperate moan, your body writhing in response to him. needed him desperately, you needed to have him, now.

"Fuck…" you panted "I can't.."

"Use your words," He said, between your lips.

"I can't… take it…anymore" You propped yourself to see the sight of him hovering over you and pausing to look at you. "Fuck me.. Frankie…please"

He looked so beautiful in the moonlight that peered into your room his curls still damp from moments earlier. Hovering over you, kissing his way up your body as his hand lit a trail of heat as it explored the rest of you.

"Is this what you want?" He murmured, his eyes, dark yet filled with genuine concern, reflecting the awareness of the threshold you both were on the verge of crossing.

You closed the distance between you, capturing his lips. It was a declaration, a defiance against the constraints that had held you back for so long. In that instant, time seemed to stand still as you lost yourself in the intensity of the moment. There were no more doubts, no more hesitations.

You welcomed the ache as he sank his hard cock into your heat. Each roll of his hips pushed deeper and deeper into you as he set the pace. You melted under him, the moonlight highlighting your bouncing breasts. His shoulders never looked more broad. The way he hovered over you, thrusting into you as he swirled his tongue over your aroused nipple, had you seeing stars. Frankie enveloped each of your cries with kisses.

"Come on baby, come on, come for me" He rasped, being spurred on by the sound of your glistening skin being pounded into.

His rhythm quickened as the headboard above you mirrored his thrusts. You reached for his hips driving him even deeper to hit that sweet spot over and over again until your pussy pulsed around him.

"F-frankie I'm coming!!" You screamed climaxing into pure ecstasy, unraveling under him as he buried into you, sending shockwaves all over your body.

"Fuck" he hissed, his pace now languid, each movement deliberate as he savored every movement before bursting into your heat.

He rolled over to the side of the bed, breathing in deep chests rising and falling catching your breath. He placed a sweet tender kiss on your lips before reaching for a towel to clean you up.

"I've never been more glad for a faulty faucet" you quipped, flashing him a smile.

He tenderly tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear, his touch gentle as he took in the sight of you in your most vulnerable form. He smiled and was about to breathe out his response when the frantic buzzing of his phone derailed his thoughts.

His eyebrows furrowed in the glow of his phone to see three missed calls from Pope.

"Pope, what's going on? Is Camilla okay?" Frankie's heart pounded

"Yeah, she's fine, she's sleeping now." He paused, not knowing how to break the news to him, "It's Ashley… she showed up to the house."

---

Chapter 4 / Chapter 6

Taglist:

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[whiteboardartstudios]

Goodbye, Gendaen

fan art for @mtqcomic

Thoughts and LONG ramble under the cut! (includes spoilers!!!)

A while ago (like last week maybe?) I realized that I've been following this comic for almost a year, and I still haven't drawn Mysta yet! I figured that with the recent end of Chapter 3 and that *huge* lore drop (I was NOT expecting that oh my goodness the theory wheels are turning in the void that is my brain) now would be a pretty good time to draw her! So that's where this came from! :D

I thought that it would be fun to draw Mysta looking sort of like a knight? Partially because it makes for cool posing and composition but also because I think that if she was in D&D she would be a paladin due to the whole "Hero sent by Destiny" thing (I considered sorcerer or warlock as well, but her moveset is mostly melee at the moment so I thought that paladin fits better. Plus this opens up the possibility of Gendaen being an Oathbreaker paladin, depending on how that whole situation with the Crimson went. (also now I kind of want to put the main cast of mtq in D&D even though I don't actually know a lot about D&D ToT. I think Eth would be a ranger maybe multiclassed into something magic-related, because rangers have a favored enemy mechanic that gives them advantages on fighting a certain type of enemy, which could be Crimson enemies for D&D Eth. Yele is (kind of obviously) a druid because of the whole dryad thing, and Zaïl is definitely giving rogue energy to me.)) Anyways, D&D-related sidetrack aside – hello??? End-of-chapter-3 lore drop? (/positive) I have SO many questions. First of all, what happened to convince Gendaen to switch sides? For someone who allegedly spent his entire life trying to cleanse the Crimson, it would've taken one heck of a worldview-upending revelation to get him to join it. With the information we currently have, it seems pretty clear that Gendaen isn't mind-controlled or corrupted or anything – not just because of the reasons Eth gave in page #169, but also because from all the interactions we've had with Nelun Soma'o/Gendaen, he seemed to be pretty chill? I pointed out in my first fan art post that it doesn't seem as if Nelun Soma'o is being built up to be a villain character and is instead more of an antagonist with a slight mentor role, and I think that still kind of holds up now. Gendaen definitely wants Mysta to help him and/or the Crimson with something, and as Yele said in that recent comic, things aren't really adding up. I'm still slightly suspicious of the Order of Learning as well (insert person pointing at conspiracy theory board meme here lol), since you would think that if Gendaen and Eth are really close then Gendaen might have told Eth about the whole Crimson situation, right? On Page #250 (which is marked as 150??? probably a typo but idk) Gendaen says that he didn't want Eth to be roped into this whole situation, which could be a reason for keeping him in the dark – though if he knew Eth really well then he might have suspected that Eth wouldn't just let him disappear and would go searching for him. Another possible reason (in my theory) if the Order is evil or something and Gendaen learned something that he shouldn't have learned, maybe he knew that Eth wouldn't believe him because of his loyalty to the Order? I may just be connecting random dots and calling it a picture here but *something* is going on and until we get more clues on what that may be, I'm sticking with this theory lol :P EDIT, I was rereading Gendaen's character sheet and it says there that he has a strong code of honor and fights for the underdogs (not the exact phrasing but it's close). 👀 does that mean the Crimson is in some sort of underdog position? 👀

Anyways back to the drawing a little, I gave both Gendaen and Mysta a sort of braid-like element in their designs to sort of tie them together a bit visually (Mysta's is on the sides of her head, which is kind of hard to see so I added a little ribbon to show that parts of her hair is tied back, and Gendaen's is in his golden hair accessory thingy). I think that there's definitely some sort of correlation between Gendaen's disappearance/switching to the Crimson and Mysta being sent to Sol Ybberia, and I also think that both of them are going to play an important role in whatever happens in the future, hence the braids (to show that their destinies are kind of intertwined, as the two Heroes of Sol Ybberia). I also thought that it would be fun to put Gendaen in a stained glass window instead of actually physically being present, because up until the Nelun Soma'o reveal, all the things we know about Gendaen are basically all from Eth's recollections of him, which for me definitely paints a bit of a "Character haunting the narrative" kind of vibe. I also think that with the Nelun Soma'o reveal, the somewhat glorified (for a lack of a better word – I think Eth might be a little biased when it comes to Gendaen, considering that Gendaen has been missing for about 5 years, if my math is correct? 5 years feels like a long time to me and I think that if a person important to me has been missing for that long then my impression of them would definitely start warping to how I want to remember them/who I wanted them to be and I might start unintentionally ignoring the things that doesn't quite match that image in my head. Speaking of/case in point, Eth's reaction to the Nelun Soma'o reveal!) image of Gendaen that we had got thrown in a metaphorical blender with our idea of the Crimson at the time, and it just makes things a whole lot more complicated in a very interesting way. (If you look at the bottom right of the image you can see Nelun Soma'o's cloak coming out of stained-glass Gendaen's cloak, which I thought would be a fun little detail to include). Hence, the stained glass is kind of the "perfect Hero who disappeared to advance the plot" Gendaen and we can see Mysta kind of splitting the glass with her Rotted Fork from a composition point of view, referencing that huge lore bomb she dropped a couple of pages ago and how that changes our (or at least my) perception of Gendaen as a character entirely. I really do like the plot twist, as I think it makes Gendaen a more 3-dimensional character with more complicated motivations and narrative significance, as before I mainly knew him as "predecessor to Mysta" and "one of Eth's sources of motivation", but now he my understanding of Gendaen also extends to things about Gendaen himself and not just about his role in relation to other characters (for example, "Gendaen is helping the Crimson for reasons currently unknown" or "Gendaen is planning something that involves Mysta??? and he's in the Void??? And apparently Mysta is supposed to jailbreak him out at some point in the future?" He definitely has something planned behind the scenes, I don't know what it is and I want to find out).

MORE THINGS about Gendaen (can you tell that he's my favorite character at the moment ToT), what's up with those last words? If I'm correct (and I think I am, I scrolled all the way back to the page where the gods were introduced just to check this ToT), Nomù is Compassion? How is compassion related to Gendaen's alliance with the Crimson? I mean, when you think of the Crimson, compassion definitely is NOT the first value that comes to mind. Right now it seems that to me, Gendaen's plan with Mysta and the Crimson and the Void is connected to Nomù somehow? (the "I won't disappoint you" is definitely interesting). I don't have a lot of thoughts or theories on where this might be going, I just thought that it was something interesting to metaphorically chew on for the next while. It definitely seems like it has some sort of narrative significance, at least.

There might be more things that I wanted to talk about, but I can't really think of them off the top of my head right now (it might be due to the fact that it's currently quite late in my time zone ToT I am sleepy) so that's all from me for now :D (Also dropping the version of the drawing with just the lineart here because I think it looks really cool)

I hope you have a really nice day and/or night! :D

*a starry rift in space opens up in front of me and I faceplant into it like it is a mattress* (gotta make that dramatic exit!) [Image ID: The first image is a colored and rendered image of Mysta from the Mysta's Terrarian Quest webcomic standing in front of a stained glass window of Gendaen. She is holding the Rotted Fork spear from Terraria, and she has a determined expression on her face. The stained glass shows Gendaen with his back turned to the audience, and one closed eye is visible. His cloak is flowing to the right of the image, where it emerges out of the stained glass as it fades from green to dark grey. Crimson vines, green trees, and white clouds surrounds Gendaen in the stained glass. Outside of the glass portrait, real crimson vines are creeping along the stone walls that the portrait is on, framing the portrait and Mysta in the middle. A red light source is shining down from the upper right corner of the drawing. End ID.] [Image ID: The second image is a work-in-progress version of the first image without any color and only some minimal shading, with all shades being in monochrome. Mysta's lineart is noticeably darker compared to the line art of the background. End ID.]

EDIT: Forgot to add image ids, they're here now TwT

[venusbby]

sketches and sunsets

characters/pairing: itoshi rin x artist!reader

warnings: they are so stupid and awkward and cute but i just wanted to write this because i found my old sketchbook from years ago lol. not proofread, sorry if there are any typos <3

the sound of hurried scribbling and rough strokes on the paper filled the room as he tried his best to stifle a yawn. he couldn't help but cringe a little at the possibility of you seeing his weak attempt to do so, eyes focused on your form as you continued to bring those quick and light lines to life in your sketchbook.

with your gaze flickering between the book on your lap and him in front of you, you made the same mistake over and over- making eye contact.

although you were looking back and forth, his eyes stayed on you and it was more nerve wracking than any thing. it was as if he was studying you and creating a sketch in his mind, and there's nothing more scary than finding out what you look like from his eyes.

"sorry, uh, if you're tired already."

rin was looking at you already, but he wasn't, you realized, when he finally looked right at you this time. if not your eyes, then what was he looking at?

for you, as an artist, (not sure you'd want to call yourself that because it takes you a few months to come back to your sketchbook after each drawing) the eyes are the most important. they're your favorite part to start with because they somehow guide you to draw the rest of the face. (even if it might not be the valid first step according to some art teachers.)

so for some reason you didn't really understand what rin was looking at other than your eyes.

speaking of eyes, his were really pretty.

you don't need him to know that, and you also don't need him to know that you spent more time than usual to sketch out his pretty eyes.

"no, i'm not tired." he said, almost finding his voice unfamiliar because of how long it had been since either of you spoke.

there was no special lighting except the warm, orange hues of the sun coming from the window of your bedroom and rin was in his usual clothes: a hoodie and sweats, because there was no reason to dress up. he lived next door anyway, so if there was a plan to go out and eat street food he'd just change into some jeans. your favorite watermelon slice pillow looking smaller than usual trapped between his arms as he used them for support to avoid slouching.

you sat a few feet away from the bed where he was, partially because you didn't believe you had the guts to stay so close while you studying his features. some artist part of you and some part of you that has fallen for the boy next door thinks its too intimate.

rin gulped. was it him or were the strands of your hair looking a warmer shade because of the sunlight? and your skin was glowing. you just did that thing you always do when you're focused, just like you were a few weeks ago when he had asked you to choose which pictures he should post on his instagram that was gaining followers left and right after blue lock.

how much longer?

he might just end up saying the things he's thinking if he looks at you any longer. saying that you're driving him crazy.

"alright, just a little detailing left. im sorry." you mumbled, now squinting so you could see better the minute details that you started adding, like his lashes.

"stop apologizing," rin said calmly. "i know it takes time."

you quietly nibbled on the inside of your cheek, feeling your fingers go slightly numb and hesitantly tossing your pencil on the study table nearby. "done."

rin moved. he moved closer.

he sat on the edge of the bed now, right in front of you. you felt your back ache from how you sat in the most uncomfortable position in your chair. he looked at you expectantly, holding his hand out.

this is the first time you've drawn after months. this is the first time you've drawn your best friend.

the reality of it all is just sinking into you and the burning sensation under your skin grew. you asked him if you could draw him and now that it's done you don't want to show it to him because it's a little embarrassing that you'd never put this much your heart and soul into a drawing before.

with a soft exhale, you gave the sketchbook and cracked your knuckles to relieve the pent up pressure. rin scanned the drawing from top to bottom, those pretty eyes stopping for a second at some point of the image. you licked your dry lips, hoping you didn't accidentally fuck up his features in a hurry.

he set the sketchbook down and your back straightened against the wood of your chair.

"i like it," he nodded once, blinking a few times to use the same eyes that he saw just now on paper, the prettier version.

"im glad," you smiled, anxiety defusing slowly. "it's been a long time since i drew. you're pretty easy to draw. wait, not in that way-"

"i love it." he admitted.

"oh, okay." you smiled wider, and while you thought of something more to say, rin beat you to it.

"i wanna draw you too." he mumbled, leaning in so, so slightly. "teach me, so i can draw you. i don't think i'll be able to make you look as pretty as you look in real life, because i'm not even close to decent at drawing."

your mouth opened and closed like a fish. you weren't even sure you blinked for the next five seconds- and oh, since when were you leaning in too? this was the most rin had talked in one go.

"are you.. calling me pretty?"

he took his time to answer that. gosh, you were too close. maybe you would've been able to draw his eyes even better if he was this close before.

"...yes."

rin's hand hovered just below your chin. he was hesitating. he wondered if his face looked as hot as it felt. he wondered if you were going to back off. you didn't. he gulped once more. "can i kiss you?"

it was too late. words had already died in your throat and you were surprised you even had it in you to nod repeatedly, slowly.

kissing rin itoshi while the sun had almost disappeared. what a story.

his lips were softer than you had imagined. and he seemed just as lost as you were, but even he didn't care. because he was kissing you.

his thumb and index holding your chin and your hand coming up to disappear into his dark locks, slightly pushing him closer so you could feel it more.

rin was almost on the edge of the bed and he was going to fall if he tried to get any closer. so he pulled away and guided you to sit on the bed beside him. his hands stayed glued to your waist as it all continued with fervor until you ended up lying on the bed staring at the ceiling that was covered in the green glow in the dark stars with your chests heaving and lips yearning for more. he remembered helping you put them up after school a few years ago.

your sketchbook laid right between you both.

your intertwined fingers didn't let go until it was dark outside your window and you guys heard your mom announcing that she had home from work.

rin only had a few favorite days to look back to. that day was one of them.

[douglysium]

Episode 12 TMP Quick Thoughts

Housekeeping and Prologue

Hello, this is Douglysium and you might not know me as that guy who wrote over 100 pages of analysis on the Eye (which can be read on Tumblr here (https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/735599414228484097/the-relationships-between-the-dread-powers-the) or Google Docs here (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss)) or as that guy who wrote an article on the Extinction (which can be read on Tumblr here(https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/717929126195003392/what-would-avatars-of-the-extinction-be-like-a) and Google Docs here(​What would Avatars of the Extinction be like?: A TMA Speculation)). Suffice to say I might be a bit of a TMA fan. Also, spoilers for TMP up until episode 10. You can read my ramblings on the last episode here (Episode 11 TMP Quick Thoughts).

However, Protocol offers a very unique opportunity and experience for me because I didn’t actually get into TMA until after it was over and I binged all of it. So this is my first time experiencing something even remotely similar to what the original TMA fans probably experienced when waiting for each episode week by week and slowly having to put everything together with the limited information they had. So I decided to throw my hat into the ring since this might be my only chance to do something similar. However, I’m working on some longer form TMA content so I can’t spend as much time on these articles giving a bunch of super detailed thoughts. I will try to keep these short and that inevitably might mean some could have questions about why I think or predict certain things and in those cases I would probably recommend you read at least some of the two articles I mentioned above to get a better idea of where I’m coming from. This also means I won’t be giving you a play-by-play of every single thing that happens in the episode so I encourage you to listen to or read them yourselves and feel free to comment if you feel something is important.

These reviews are probably going to end up focusing mostly on the Entities and their manifestations as they are what I have thought about the most and spent the most time interpreting and there’s been a lot of… interesting theories floating around about how the Entities are manifesting that I want to go over.

Finally, I’m just going to say it right now, spoiler warning for all of The Magnus Archives. I know that Jon and co said one could start with Protocol and be fine, and while that’s probably true, media like this tends to be made in conversation with or take into consideration what came before it in the irl chronology in order to connect them. While I’m sure you could skip The Magnus Archives, I don't really see the point of skipping over it when we are already getting characters from TMA showing up in TMP in Protocol. So to me it’s pretty clear that if we want to understand the full picture of TMP and all the things it is trying to say then we can’t just try to pretend TMA doesn’t exist or scrub it away. Just because you could understand what’s happening without the context in broad strokes doesn’t mean you're getting all the nuances.

These articles are meant to be quick and short so sorry if there’s typos and if I don’t address every possible question or possibility. I don’t want to repeat myself too much in this series outside of the prologue so be sure to skim some of my other articles.

Episode 12 “Getting Off”

I think this episode is definitely one of the more straightforward Protocol episodes we have gotten so far, so hopefully this Quick Thoughts won’t br too long (but knowing me I probably just jinxed it).

We take in the scene through a CCTV in the breakroom of the OIAR at night. The transcripts clarify that Celia is very tired and searching through the cupboards for something and it is quickly made apparent that she is looking for tea and, since the break room has run out, Sam gives Celia a teabag from a secret stash that he apparently has. Sam then asks Celia out on a date and while she is busy at the moment she does show that she is willing to go out with Sam on “Saturday, 6? under the clock at Leicester Square. That work? We’ll go for dinner- well, breakfast- you know what I mean.” Once again, we see that the OIAR jobs appear to be very exhausting and have odd work hours. I also wonder what Celia’s end goal is. Does she genuinely like Sam or does she see him as means to an end. Is Celia here to help Sam and co or is she here to harm them?

As Celia leaves, Alice walks in and proceeds to make fun of Sam for clearly being extremely nervous as he asked out Celia. Alice says “(normal again) You know it’s rude to have absolutely no game? Christ, all these years and you still ask people out like a baby foal learning to tapdance.” A reference to the fact that she and Sam dated at some point, and how Sam probably acted very similarly when trying to ask her out. Sam does point out “Look it worked didn’t it?” which seems like it could be a sort of double meaning. Sam’s nervous approach got Celia to agree to a date but also Alice presumably agreed to go out with him in the past too.

Sam apologizes to Alice for dragging her to the ruins of the Institute only to fund nothing… well nothing Sam and Alice know about since something escaped the Institute. Sam says he’s done with Magnus stuff and Alice responds with “So you’re telling me that if I had a case full of emails with the title “Magnus Institute re: Samama Khalid – Massive Conspiracy” you wouldn’t be tempted?” to which Sam says no before asking “You don’t, though. Do you? That was just, like, a joke. Right?” Alice then says “Come on, for now let’s just focus on getting you as jaded and apathetic as possible.” Considering that Alice does appear to be pretty jaded about listening to the cases and piecing them together this could be related to her point about ignoring the talkers and not getting caught up in thinking too much about what’s happening. 

NORRIS starts expositing the next case

“Claim Review: EL-56920 

Policy Holder: Soho Jack’s Ltd. 

Policy Number: 548651-656 

Policy Type: Employers’ Liability 

Site Address: Soho Jack’s, 9 Carlisle St, London W1D 3BK 

Affected Employee: Ms. Jordan Bennett 

Date of Incident: 9 March 2024 

Incident Location: On site. 

Documentation: Crime Report – Submitted 

Medical Practitioner Report – Submitted 

Incident Book Entry – Submitted First Aider’s Report – Submitted 

Supervisor’s incident Report - Submitted 

HSE communications - Submitted 

Health-And-Safety policies - Submitted 

Employment Contract - Submitted 

Claim Valuation: £1,560,000 Assessment 

Conclusion: Claim Denied Reason: Fraudulent claim (see incident description and police report)”

This, along with some information Jordan mentions later, means Jordan is suing Soho Jack’s Ltd. They go on to say that their lawyer has advised them to cooperate with Soho Jack’s insurance claim as a show of good faith, even if they’re planning on “suing your asses to kingdom-come.” They start recounting an event that occurred on the company’s property and apologize for their terrible handwriting (which we later learn is probably because Mr. Bonzo bit off one of their hands).

They go over how they started working at Jack’s in the spring of 2021 after they had finished Flair Academy. After struggling to find a job they managed to get an interview and then job at the aforementioned Jack’s. The club seems to have a good reputation as Jordan refers to it as “the Soho Gentleman’s club.” The company’s building “...has dances on the bottom two floors with VIP suites for hire above with a dedicated bouncer keeping them separate. Really, it’s just a quieter box with a private bar, some comfy chairs and the option of private dancers.” Despite this being “THE” Soho Gentleman’s club Jordan says “It’s always booked up with swank dickheads trying to show off, but Stags are the worst: they’re cheap, they’re loud, they drink too much, tip too little and only ever hire one dance for the groom. Plus there’s always some “nice guy” that won’t shut up about exploitation without even bothering to stop staring.” 

Jordan begins to explain how the party the specific party that led to them wanting to sue Jack’s. They state that this specific party’s lot was not the worst and were “Just a bunch of heavyset, middle-aged lads with names like Ozzer, or Rozzer or whatever. ” and notes that “The groom was fine, acted embarrassed even though he was obviously keen and they were easily pleased. ”

“They started giving the groom gifts. Same old tat as always, cufflinks, poo gags, all the standard stuff. Then the groom spotted the last one on the table, this cheap yellow and purple kids lunch box. It looked old and shoddy and no one admitted to bringing it but the groom just squealed with glee and carefully opened it before pulling out a bunch old souvenir merch. Pencils, postcards, keyrings, all sorts of crap, all the same yellow and purple and last of all a cracked CD case. When they saw it the whole bunch gave this big laughing cheer.” I have talked about how I think Mr. Bonzo is probably tied to The Stranger if we view him through the lens of Smirke’s 14. I will retread some of those reasons later but right now I want to point out that no one admitted to bringing the Bonzo CD. It could simply be that it’s a prank and someone happened to grab an artifact or something tied to Bonzo, and maybe someone from the OIAR even planted it there, but it could also be connected to the idea of The Stranger and the fear of the unknown because it could be that no one actually knows who got that CD.

We also know that The Stranger is no… stranger to dropping off or delivering strange artifacts in order to feed on the fear of people interacting with unknown /mysterious objects. Breekon and Hope’s delivery service are a good example of this (strangers that show up and drop off never before seen or uncanny objects and artifacts).

“I could see which way the wind was turning and sure enough the bestman came over and asked if he could play it. The cover had this awful comic sans title: “Mr. Bonzo’s On His Way” and I wasn't exactly thrilled by this.” Jordan explains that “Mr. Bonzo was way before my time and from what I had seen online he had always looked pretty messed up. But hey, it was their night, if they wanted to spend it on some cringy nostalgia trip, who was I to say no?” Which could mean that Jordan doesn’t know a lot about Mr. Bonzo, and lack of familiarity with something is one of the things that we know entities like The Stranger love to prey on.

“This kind of thing happened often enough that we kept a battered old CD Player in the back that we could patch into the room's speakers, just in case. So, I ducked back there, put it on, turned the volume down as low as I could get away with, and prayed it wasn’t too obnoxious. Immediately the cheering children’s voices blared out the speakers accompanied by bouncy tubas loud enough to drown out the rest of the club’s music. It was awful but I could hear the lads stamping the floor in rhythm and as the kids started singing the men were singing along: “Mr. Bonzo’s on his way, he wants to stay, he wants to play! Mr. Bonzo’s on his way, he wants to stay, he wants to play!” If you want to listen to the song Jordan is referring to it is actually available on Youtube: Mr Bonzo (from 'The Magnus Protocol'). Maybe you can put yourself in the shoes of an annoyed Jordan or ecstatic old man at the club.

Jordan clearly finds the song annoying and after waiting a minute, in order to avoid being a “total killjoy,” they decide to turn off the song before “ Derek came down from the office to “have a word.” I assume Jordan meant Derek would complain about the music. However, when Jordan turns the CD player off it “...just grew louder, rattling the glassware in the bar: “Mr. Bonzo’s on his way, he wants to stay, he wants to play!” I even yanked the cables from the speakers, but it just kept getting louder.” Obviously, something supernatural is going on but Jordan reasonably assumes that the player just broke and begins to reach for their walkie talkie in order to call for some tech support. However, as they do so they are interrupted by a massive crash coming from another part of the room followed by a cheer. Jordan gets ready to reprimand the party goers for whatever mess they might have made but instead sees Mr. Bonzo. “It was hunched in the doorway, a bulbous figure with a purple hat that cast crazed shadows in all directions thanks to the club’s lighting effects. Then it doffed its hat and pushed itself into the room, foam catching on the doorframe with a squeak that set my teeth on edge. Its massive bulbous google-eyes seemed to roam all over the room before settling on the groom and it was almost as if the huge toothy grin grew wider when it saw him.” We know that Gwen delivered a name and address to Bonzo and in the previous episode Lena even tells Gwen “I’m sure you’ve already worked that out. But just in case you haven’t, keep an eye on the case loads over the next few days. It should become abundantly clear.” Implying that this could be the case Lena was alluding to or that the groom (or someone else in the room) is Bonzo’s target (but it’s almost definitely the groom).

Everyone in the room assumes the appearance of Bonzo is some sort of gift or prank and “The rugby boys were tripping over themselves to get in and hug it, laughing and pushing the groom to the front and so I figured at that point it was a prank. Again, none of them took credit for it and there was a moment of genuine hesitation, until one of them yelled out “It's ya lapdance, Baz!” and they all fell about laughing.” Jordan is furious that a coworker named Joey presumably let Bonzo in and the idea that Joey might have bailed on Jordan again by “ducking out for a smoke.” But as Jordan moves forward they notice something- “I began to stride over, readying for the inevitable complaints then hesitated as I saw something far more unnerving than the ugly costume that was capering with the groom in the middle of the group. There was a pair of heavy boots on their side, poking just inside the still open doorway. Joey’s boots, and they weren't moving. Just then the google eyes looked turned to me, and a puffy finger raised cheekily to its mouth.” So Joey was killed by Bonzo and all the while “the men had all started chanting “Bonzo! Bonzo! Bonzo”, stamping their feet and banging the tables in a circle around the pair in the center…” and the music kept getting louder. So loud that it began to sound distorted from the strain the song was putting on the speakers.

Out of all the Entities the Slaughter seems to have a pretty strong connection to music but The Stranger also has a strong precedent for music. For example, The Calliope in TMA is an artifact tied to The Stranger. In MAG 024 (Strange Music) it is mentioned that the instrument has "Be still, for there is strange music" carved into the cover of the keyboard. While The Slaughter’s connection to music is probably due to an association between rhythm and war (think the marching of an army or the phrase “drums of war”) as well as the fear of “violent” music, The Stranger’s connection to music seems to come from the idea of either strange unknown sounds or a song / sound that sounds really uncanny. It is noted by Jordan that Mr. Bonzo’s song grows louder and more distorted overtime which would mean that the song is becoming more and more incomprehensible as it would slowly change into a song with lyrics you couldn’t understand or identify as easily. It could also be that the song sounds uncanny in the sense that it is familiar in some ways but something is off about it.

Jordan tries to call for help on his walkie talkie but can only hear Mr. Bonzo’s theme blaring out of its tiny speaker. Jordan tries to warn everyone and get out but no one can hear him over the music. Bonzo takes the groom and begins to “dance” with him by spinning around faster and faster until Bonzo decides to rip his arms off and even as this act of gorey brutality took place the other party goers present continued to laugh and laugh until Jordan’s scream caused them to realize this wasn’t some sort of prank. Almost everyone begins to yell in terror but some yelled in rage and proceeded to attack Bonzo: “A few of the bigger guys picked up chairs or bottles and began to beat and slash at the thing. It didn’t seem to notice, its bulbous, bloodshot, eyes staying fixed on the groom’s body as it raised it overhead.” Bonzo then proceeds to continue pulverizing the body by smashing it against the ground over and over.

“For a split second, all was still but the music just pounded on, barely recognizable now over the distortion from the smoking speakers as those voices, no longer childlike, still chanted the words “He’s here to stay… He wants to play…”” “Then Mr. Bonzo turned towards us with its head bowed almost reverentially and everybody went silent. Slowly, awfully slowly, it raised its head, titling it coquettishly to one side. Then the seams across its face split revealing its gaping maw filled with even larger, sharper teeth.” Jordan admits that they don’t remember much about what happened after that but “I dream about it most nights. In the dream it digs through all those men to get to me, grabbing fistfuls of them and throwing them to smash against the wall. The strobe fires as its hands plunge into the pile of us and each flash shows a little less flesh between me and it, between me and all those teeth… finally everyone else is gone. I raise my arm to protect myself and it gently but inexorably lifts it into its mouth, smiles and bites… None of us was left whole but I was the luckiest. All I lost was a hand, it wasn’t even my dominant one.” The biting was set up previously in episode 10 when the transcripts mention “Gwen holds out the envelope and Mr Bonzo snatches it into his mouth, audibly chewing it. His teeth are not soft.”

Jordan says that they “told the investigators everything I know, doctors too. I don't know why nobody outside the room heard or saw anything, why the cameras weren't working, why it let me live. But I do know why there weren't any bodies. All I actually want is my hand back so I can tend bar but that isn’t going to happen is it? So I’ll have to settle for the next best thing and sue you for everything I can get, because I don’t know what happened that night but it was in your venue and no one came to help. Not Derek, not another doorman, no one. So yeah, you’d better have one hell of a settlement waiting for me, or I'll see you in court.”

While you could make an argument for themes of Entities like The Desolation, Flesh, Hunt, etc. I’m still going to primarily argue for Bonzo being tied to The Stranger or a similar Entity due to what we see in his previous appearances. For the sake of clarity, if there is any debate about what The Stranger embodies in MAG 200 it is stated “And as they learned to know their friends and kin, so too did they learn to fear the unknown figure, the coming of the stranger” and in MAG 092 (Nothing Beside Remains) Jonah tells Jon “We thrive on ceaseless watching, on knowing too much. What we face is the hidden, the uncanny, and the unknown.” while in MAG 111 (Family Business) Jon says “The Stranger is the unknown. The uncanny.” and Gerard doesn’t correct him.

However, a lot of Mr. Bonzo’s behaviours in previous episodes resembles The Stranger (and The Stranger has violently attacked or killed people in the past). Mr. Bonzo is also described as being a clown. Something we know The Stranger has a precedent for manifesting as, probably due to both the idea of the uncanny valley being achieved with a costume or makeup and the idea of a traveling circus full of strangers you don’t know from out of town in addition to a clown costume acting as a disguise that can obscure whoever is wearing it. Not to mention that Mr. Bonzo is described as a suit, which could very easily connect to an Entity like The Stranger. Firstly, The Stranger tends to have a big emphasis on wearing things like skins and suits. Additionally, Gwen mentions in episode 11 “That… abomination wasn’t a costume. That was skin. It was sagging, it was sweaty!” and we know The Stranger has a tendency for wearing skin, skinning things (such as with taxidermy), etc. as a form of disguise, in order to hide itself, or to metaphorically rob something of their identity.

This also applies to costumes in general since usually wearing costumes or disguises can actually obscure who is wearing them and thus their true identity is unknown. There’s also the fact that costumes themselves can easily fall into the uncanny valley. Ever since Five Nights at Freddy’s became popular there’s been an uptick in horror media focusing on how creepy and uncanny things like animatronic suits can be. Not that Mr. Bonzo is an animatronic but it is a suit. Also, Bonzo apparently has hard teeth and having solid teeth on a suit could look uncanny.

The surprise gift and sudden appearance of Bonzo that others assume is some sort of surprise or prank could also tie into The Stranger and the idea of something mysteriously appearing or not being expected. Bonzo was originally made to prank celebrities. As Nigel explains in episode 10 that his produce ““inviting a famous person on, someone really serious, and we tell them we’re going to have them do a segment with a popular children’s entertainer. Now, obviously these folks won’t have any idea about what kids are actually watching, so we could come up with the most horrendous thing, claim kids loved it and see how long it took for the guest to realize that they were the joke. That they’d been “berried”” and “The problem with a surprise prank is that doing it on Saturday night primetime means pretty soon everyone knows about it, and the guests knew it was coming. A couple even requested it. So the prank part of it sort of died, and he just became an SOS mascot. One of my many tormentors in the dungeon. By the end we’d even retired Mr. Six, and it was all Bonzo.” Once again, a focus on surprise and I think it’s interesting that Bonzo loses his punch the more people know about and understand him. Bonzo is a character that thrived specifically on the guests not knowing who he was and did. So a potential relationship with the unknown again.”

In episode 10 Nigel says to Gwen ““Try not to stare. He doesn’t like it when people stare.” Which could relate to The Stranger. While all the Entities are connected, overlap, and need each other for a ritual bringing them into the world to work, with even seemingly opposing Entities bleeding into each other or having overlapping fears, The Stranger can often have an antagonistic relationship with The Eye and forms of being known. The Stranger tends to thrive off the fear of being unknown so staring at something aligned with The Stranger might make it react negatively. In MAG 092 (Nothing Beside Remains) Jonah tells Jon “We thrive on ceaseless watching, on knowing too much. What we face is the hidden, the uncanny, and the unknown.” In MAG 165 (Revolutions) Not-Sasha says this in regards to The Eye’s Post-Change world “Do you know how it feels? To be – anonymous? And yet known! To have all the sweetest dread I can create tainted by the relentless gaze of that damned Eye. I’ve suffered enough.” So if my theory that Bonzo is tied to something like The Stranger is correct, that could explain a potentially negative reaction to being looked at for too long since aspects of The Stranger often don’t like it when people try to figure out what they are. This could ring extra true if it does turn out that the OIAR is somehow connected to The Eye.

Bonzo’s eating and biting could potentially be linked to The Stranger’s tendency for odd uncanny behavior, like that time Breekon / Hope ate a butterfly. The fact that this monster looks like Bonzo could also be related to the idea of the uncanny, since he would resemble Bonzo but behave and look a bit off. Also, it seems hard to tell if Bonzo is a costume or a monster resembling a costume which makes it harder to know what he is for sure, and The Stranger loves playing up mystery (think how we never know which character is Breekon and which character is Hope from Breekon and Hope in TMA, and Jon describes one of them as “one half of Breekon and Hope”). Also, Bonzo can only say his name which means you never really know what he’s saying or talking about.

Bonzo killing everyone in the room but leaving someone alive is not a completely unheard of idea. The Entities in general often seem to leave witnesses if in doing so more fear is generated and we see creatures like the Not-Them kill and replace people while ensuring that at least one person remembers what the original persona actually looked like even if no one else does. The reason for this is because if the Not-Them’s disguise was perfect and changed every bit of memory and evidence then there wouldn’t be anyone to be afraid of the idea that someone they know has been replaced by a stranger.

Jordan mentions “I don't know why nobody outside the room heard or saw anything, why the cameras weren't working, why it let me live. But I do know why there weren't any bodies.” which emphasizes his confusion about what’s happening. While confusion is often tied to The Spiral, in this case it stems from a bunch of unknown factors and variables, like why there were no other witnesses and why the cameras weren’t working.” As far as there being no witnesses and the cameras failing to work, the Entities are known for usually being on the downlow and not common knowledge but Entities like The Stranger tend to thrive off the fear of mystery and have a precedent for things like mysterious disappearances or hiding people / things. The Calliope I mentioned earlier mysteriously disappeared from the Institute’s archives at some point in TMA and in MAG 092 (Nothing Beside Remains) Jonah tells Jon “We thrive on ceaseless watching, on knowing too much. What we face is the hidden, the uncanny, and the unknown.” Jonah specifically mentions that The Stranger has a connection to “the hidden” among other things. In MAG 102 (Nesting Instinct) Jonah even says that The Stranger essentially hid Jon from him when saying “I was doing everything in my power to locate you. Everyone was working on finding the ritual site.” and “[Irritated] I am sorry, John, that my powers have not yet reached the level of omniscience.” Jordan does say that they know why there weren’t any bodies which implies that Mr. Bonzo probably ate them.

Jordan having trouble remembering exactly what happened actually does have a precedent with The Stranger since the Entity does have connections to memory loss or a loss of identity. In MAG 165 (Revolutions) we see Not-Sasha watch over a Domain that takes the form of a merry-go-round with people fighting over faces. People with no faces must fight over the faces of others to rip them off and regain some sense of identity. When they lose their face it is said “And soon enough they will forget they ever even had one, rest assured; it’s best to step the dance and keep your face secured as much as you are able. Just. Keep. Running.” Jon and co also face memory loss when they interrupt The Stranger’ ritual in TMA and forget who they are and what they are doing for a period of time.

Some other Entities this statement parallels are that of The Slaughter (with sudden brutal and gory violence), The Flesh (via bodily disfigurement by way of losing a hand, Bonzo being described as releasing “some vile mixture of putrid water, rotten foam and rancid meat.” when cut at some point, and Bonzo biting into people), The End (a lot of people brutally die), The Corruption (from the aforementioned vile mixture pouring out of Bonzo), and even The Eye (with the strange and horrifying dreams Jordan is forced to relive over and over resembling how people who give Jon live statements are forced to relive said moments in the form of nightmares over and over). Like always, I have to at least touch on the fact that The Eye doesn’t seem to just be the fear of being watched but also being a witness to something you don’t want to see. Jon can force people to recount and relive terrible moments, Jonah can force information into the heads of people like Melanie and Martin, and in MAG 200 The Eye is stated to have been born from the fear of one’s own eyes showing them too much.

All this being said, I still think the OIAR is somehow connected to The Eye. There’s the cases being like statements but also the fact that they supply sensitive information (such as names and locations) to things like Mr. Bonzo. People like Jonah could almost always know one’s location thanks to their Eye powers and The Eye is connected to the fear of someone / something knowing too much about you (such as knowing where and who you are). I wonder why Bonzo was sent to kill this particular groom when he was just partying? Did the groom know something or overstep some line or was the groom just some sort of offering to appease Mr. Bonzo? How was this person’s name and address obtained? Was it just mundane tracking or something closer to Jonah’s clairvoyance? Nigel acted like he was doing the OIAR a favor so right now it seems like this was a target decided by the OIAR and not necessarily Nigel. Unless you want to argue that the “favor” is aiding in keeping Bonzo pacified, under wraps, or something potentially more mutually beneficial. I wonder if Jordan’s dreams are somehow connected to being directly involved in a case or facing an External of the OIAR? It could also simply be that Jordan is traumatized.

We cut to Gwen and the transcripts say she “is sat at her desk, stunned by what she has just heard.” and she only says “Jesus Christ…” I wonder if this is because the case is unusually brutal or gorey when compared to most others or if she realized there’s a connection between the letter she delivered and what happens in this case. Considering what Lena said it's very possible that some of the cases the OIAR gets are connected to the activity of their own Externals (such as Mr. Bonzo).

ALICE CONT. 

“Gwen? Hello?”

GWEN 

“(dazed) What?”

Getting sucked into a statement like this and statements having a negative impact on one’s mental state are both things we have seen in TMA. Jon had a hard time stopping once he started a statement and at one point Jon expresses worry that Martin was listening to a bunch of statements for Peter Lukas and his plan in regards to The Extinction. Although, it could be that Gwen is merely shocked.

Gwen explains that she met one of the Externals but Alice seems to think Gwen is just referring to some annoying assholes as opposed to any supernatural monsters that takes the form of beloved childhood characters.

Gwen seems to finally wonder the question that I’ve been wondering for a while now:

GWEN 

“What do you think we’re actually doing, here at the O.I.A.R.?” 

ALICE 

“Apart from mortgaging our mental health for a wage packet?” 

GWEN 

“We’ve both been here long enough to know this place. We’re not doing good. We’re not just sifting random data. There’s something wrong here.”

ALICE 

“What are you getting at?”

GWEN 

“You never wonder what the point is? Who benefits from all this awfulness?”

ALICE 

“I don’t wonder. I know.”

GWEN 

(sitting up) “What? Really?”

ALICE 

“(portentous) Oh yeah. I’ve known for a while. What we’re doing here, it’s all part of a grand plan to satisfy one of the most unspeakable evils known to mankind... “

Gwen’s on the edge of her seat. 

ALICE 

“(almost a whisper) …the UK government.”

In TMA the point of the Institute sifting through statements and stuff was twofold. Firstly, to feed The Eye but also to set up the lynchpin for The Eye’s ritual with the position of the Archivist. I wonder if something similar is going on here but I can’t say since while you could argue that being an Externals Liaison is like the Archivist and shares the role as being a “living chronicle of fear” (especially since Lena remarked that Gwen should show fear via screaming because Externals tend to like that) Gwen had to blackmail her way into that position. I have no idea who was the Externals Liaison before her or if there are other Liaisons, if there even was one(s) before / with Gwen at all. Also, unlike the Institute, the OIAR is explicitly connected to the government and is meant to respond to things (not just watch). So it’s very likely that the OIAR has a role that is different from just “The Mass Ritual / Institute 2.0.” They could still be gathering fear related to the statements and being observed like the Institute in TMA though. However, even the Institute still wanted the Archival staff to do a good job following up statements and stuff. Jon tries to reorganize the Archives after Gertrude purposefully left them disorganized and Tim corrects Jon about some errors he made when reading some statements. The OIAR doesn’t really seem to care how well or poorly their workers categorize the cases and I don’t know if anyone checks.

Alice’s joke about the greatest evil known to mankind being the UK government feels like foreshadowing considering that the OIAR, and by extension all the Externals like Bonzo, are connected to the government.

Alice’s comment “Apart from mortgaging our mental health for a wage packet?” references how stressful this job seems to be.

Conclusion

Yeah, idk. This was a very simple episode overall and it mostly just seemed like it was following up Lena’s point about paying attention to the caseload.

Okay, hold on, before I end this I figured I should actually try to look at the voices in the computer system a bit more closely, since quite frankly, like with the alchemy symbols, I’ve admittedly been neglecting them and not focusing on them as much as I should have. This is because I actually couldn’t tell if there was any kind of correlation between the voices and the kinds of cases they read but a video by Maddie’s Maxis called “This Channel's First Video - The Magnus Protocol Analysis and Theories” (which you can view here This Channel's First Video - The Magnus Protocol Analysis and Theories) hypothesizes that there is actually a correlation. As we all know two of the computer voices sound like Martin and Jon and Maddie argues that the kinds of statements the voices read correspond to something that had to do with the character. For example, in theory NORRIS (Martin’s voice) tends to have statements relating to self-loathing and loneliness. I don’t know what they are feeding Maddie but Maddie is potentially cooking here. So I decided to glance over at some of the statements and see if there are any patterns.

I’m going to start with the theme that seems the most concrete in my opinion. The cases that NORRIS (Martin’s voice) reads seem to often be tied to themes of isolation, losing loved ones, or feeling abandoned. I should make it clear that while I know Martin in TMA is connected to The Lonely I am not saying all the cases NORRIS reads are connected to The Lonely. The mere presence of feeling alone or isolated doesn’t automatically make a statement Lonely related in the same way someone dying, getting attacked, or something taking place at night or in darkness automatically means End, Slaughter, or Dark respectively. Also, it’s important to remember that every Entity, even seemingly opposing ones, have overlap, shared fears, commonalities, etc..

But let’s look at the cases to see if this pattern is really there. The case NORRIS covers in episode 1 involves the Anglerfish, or something resembling it, killing and replacing their romantic partner. Harriet even says “And that voice I have loved for twenty years answered: “Some of him.”” So loss of a loved one.

In episode 3 NORRIS covers a case in which Dr. Samuel seems to feel immense guilt and sorrow about the death of Maddie. Once again, the loss of a close loved one.

In episode 8 NORRIS goes over a report Terrance submits about the effects of brutal liminalism. While no one dies or is replaced in the actual events of the case, Terrance does mention “originally took my role as a night janitor at Forton following a protracted divorce which cost me the majority of my friendships.” So while their partner isn’t dead they did lose a loved one, and if you read my thoughts on that episode you know that I actually think the case has a lot of similarities with The Lonely. The fog, the vaguely familiar but impossible to understand gibberish, people with repeating features, being isolated in a dark void, etc.. Even if you disagree that it’s The Lonely there is still a connection to themes of losing someone close and being alone.

If there was an episode to disprove this theory it would probably be episode 12 since it’s just Bonzo murdering a room full of people. Jordan does say “I don't know why nobody outside the room heard or saw anything” and earlier in the case they mention that they believed their coworker by the name of Joey the doorman might have ditched him again but this definitely feels a bit more like a stretch. Jordan does seem to blame the establishment for what happened and this is because from the perspective of Jordan no one came to help despite how obvious and loud the commotion was. Which could maybe tie into the idea of being abandoned or left alone but this is definitely pushin it and it’s clear that our understanding of what kinds of cases each voice reads might expand as the series goes on.

Maddie argues that CHESTER (Jonathon’s voice) seems to usually cover cases related directly to the Magnus Institute. Which is generally true, CHESTER covers the cases of RedCanary spelunking in the Institute’s ruins in episode 1, and the gambling dice being submitted to the Institute in episode 9 for example. But CHESTER also covers the case about Tom wanting to watch Voyeur in episode 5, the case regarding Hilltop Center in episode 7, Gordon’s encounter with the tattoos and Ink5 during construction in episode 11. It’s very possible that these are just related to the Institute in ways we don’t understand yet, for example some of the characters that appear could be members of the Institute or something, but in my opinion this definitely throws a wrench into some things.

CHESTER seems to have a stronger case for a theme of curiosity and a desire to know in general as opposed to just the Magnus Institute. RedCanary investigates the archives out of curiosity, Tom really wants to see the Voyeur movie for their blog, the narrator explains that they experimented with the gambling dice to figure out how they worked, and Gordon keeps talking about how they “just need to see it. I need to know what’s in the water.” As I’ve mentioned previously, The Eye also has a major emphasis on a desire to know and understand something even if it comes at the cost of yourself and / or other people. Hilltop Center still seems like a bit of an outlier here but while Dianne isn’t spelunking through ruins or anything she does mention that she was looking for people to help her work at the center. Which, while a bit of a stretch, could fit with a theme of curiosity or desire to know in the case of Chester. Or at least the idea of something being searched for as a theme at least. 

If you wanted to argue that CHESTER actually related to things being looked for you could say that the case about the gambling dice revolves around the narrator giving the Institute artifacts, and they even say “So yeah, I tell you all about them, how I got them, all that crap and you just… You take them away, right? You accept them? Good. I think. I’m pretty sure that’s how it works. It’s how it worked for me, at least. Put them in whatever vault you like, bury them, drop them in the ocean, for all I care. All that matters is that they’re yours now.” So you could say that the Institute was looking for artifacts. You could also argue that the narrator was looking for people to roll the dice, looking for good luck, or started making their way towards Gary when they found him.

AUGUSTUS has a voice I am not familiar with (and we will get to the popular theory in a moment). I can only recall AUGUSTUS voicing one case, I might be forgetting one or something, so I don’t have a lot to go on. AUGUSTUS could be covering really old statements, as Sam notes the one in episode 4 is from the 18th century, or statements revolving around others climbing their way to their top and doing whatever it takes to do so. It’s kind of unclear until I can see some more AUGUSTUS statements.

There’s also some obvious character associations with this theory. Martin, someone connected to The Lonely, has statements reflecting some kind of isolation or abandonment, Jon, the Archivist with a strong tie to The Eye and someone who was strung along while trying to solve Jonah’s plan and learn the truth about the Entities, has statements involving extreme curiosity or people looking for things, and Jonah, someone who is really old and ruthless (so ruthless that they made the world a fear hellscape in an attempt to avoid death), has had a statement taking place in the 18th century involving someone giving a blood sacrifice to play violin super well.

There’s a popular theory going around that the three voices in the computers are actually Jonathon, Martin, and Jonah, and this definitely seems like one of the more credible theories floating around the community to a degree. AUGUSTUS’ unfamiliar voice could be the voice of Jonah’s original body. Jon, Martin, and Jonah were all in the panopticon when the Change ended which could be the event that got them tied to the computers. It could also have to do with being the pupil of the Eye somehow. Jonah and Jon were both the Eye’s pupil at some point and Jon got his position by killing Jonah to take his spot. It’s possible something weird happened like Martin was about to become the Eye’s pupil after removing Jon from the position, giving them this common link, but I can’t say for sure.

Maddie also points out another big thing to remember in the video. I have mentioned that Annabelle seems generally right about what happens to the Entities’ various Monsters and Avatars after the Entities get pulled into the next universe. Monsters, like potentially the Anglerfish, presumably get sucked into the new universe since they are part of the Entities. Other people may or may not get sucked into the universe depending on how attached they were to the Entity. It’s also possible that they will always just be left behind. However, Annabelle also mentions that it’s possible the Entities will take the aspects of a person that are connected to or are a part of the Entity. So, it’s possible that the parts of Jon, Martin, and Jonah in the computer are not them in their entirety but merely specific aspects of their personality or being. It could literally just be their voices taken by one or more Entities for all we know.

We also know that some Entities, like The End, seem capable of making copies or “memories” of people after / when they die. In MAG 154 (Bloody Mary) Eric states “I know that I’m not really Eric; I’m just a memory someone wrote down. It hurts, most of the time. I don’t like it.” So one could argue that the voices in the computers are not the fully sentient original versions of Jon, Martin, and Jonah but “memories” or copies created by one or more Entities. This could also explain why the third voice might be Jonah even though Jonah potentially died before the Entities jumped universes. This voice could simply be The Eye’s metaphorical recollection of Jonah or Jonah wasn’t completely dead when the Entities switched universes. This also means that the voices in the computers could be more malicious than we first assume if there’s a chance they are in actuality not Jon, Martin, and Jonah or are in truth aspects of The Eye or bits of their personalities trying to achieve a specific goal.

As I’ve mentioned previously, the cases the voices read out don’t seem to be completely random. The second Sam is about to give up his search for the Magnus Institute CHESTER spits out a case that is perfect for reigniting his curiosity with the addition of a new clue, and when Celia takes the job the first case she gets is about Hilltop Center (which could relate to Celia’s questions about multiversal and time travel). I still can’t say if the CHESTER or any other of the computers are trying to help Sam or use him for more nefarious purposes.

I’m not super confident about this being the patterns the computers follow at the moment because frankly there isn’t a lot of cases to go off of, and I need to see more AUGUSTUS. It’s also possible that the cases are more variable or context dependant. What the voices read could depend on the person at the computer, for example: it’s possible CHESTER reads a bunch of cases connected to the Institute because that’s what Sam was most interested in. There are also some cases we don’t have enough context behind yet, for example the mysterious figure in the Hilltop Road case could be connected to something like the Institute in some way, or that some of the voices focus on certain Externals Liaisons, people, etc..

If you want another TMAGP theory video to watch here’s one by Pinkelotje: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX51EHLy7BQ&ab_channel=pinkelotje.

[vendetta-if]

December 2022 Progress Update

For the past two weeks, I've been working really, really hard on Chapter 4 (one of the reasons I've not been too active on Tumblr lately, and I probably still wouldn't until Chapter 4 is done 😅). As of the time writing this update post, the word count is 23.6K words.

The talk with Yvette took quite a long time to write and it is indeed pretty long. Almost 12K of 23.6K words are dedicated to the talk with her. It's not only long, it also has a lot—and I mean a lot—of variations in responses depending on what your MC feels about her.

The last time MC decided on their feelings on Yvette, it was ten years ago during the comic book store incident. Now, your MC will be given an option to change what they think about her ten years later, before their very first conversation with her in their entire life so far.

The four different feelings MC can have on her are:

Hate Hate is straightforward; your MC still hates and is bitter about what she did and her neglect (not visiting MC for a decade).

Love-hate This is a more complicated feeling and I think it's a pretty good addition that makes MC feels a bit more unstable and add a bit more layers of complexity. Your MC still kinda hates her, but also yearns for her affection and mourns for the missing connection and relationship with her, and these feelings in turn feed into MC's hatred, anger, and bitterness against her.

Apathy/Indifference Pretty straightforward as well; your MC just doesn't really care about her and considers her a stranger.

Pity MC feels bad and pity for her and can sympathize with her plights. This might be the most positive feeling MC can have regarding Yvette, the second one being love-hate.

I spent a lot of time writing four different reactions and inner thoughts for MC based on these feelings they have about her. I hope I'll be able to showcase one of the variations in the Sneak Peek of the talk I'm planning to release tomorrow 😄

Also, in this chapter, you'll finally be meeting Skylar and Santana for the first time. Right now, I'm in the middle of writing the talk between MC and Skylar. After that, it'll be time to focus on Santana's talk instead.

These talks also take a long of time to write because I have foolishly decided to give six different options of responses every time MC talks with any of the ROs, half for different romantic responses and half for non-romantic ones 😭

I also did a lot of tweaking on the previous chapters (grammar & typo fixes, coding fixes, and adding some stuff).

First, by popular demand, MC can now choose their clothing style to be the same with Uncle Luka's style. The style is called "all-black".

Second, I tweaked and added some stuff with the Police Commissioner because it seems I missed the mark in trying to portray him as a grey character. Now, his involvement with the Nemesis Project will be more explicitly pointed out in the narrative than just implied subtly previously. Also, his other bad qualities, such as nepotism and hypocrisy.

Third, I tweaked MC's reactions when executing the commissioner—I think it's either your MC turns away and not wanting to witness the execution or your MC and Ash looking at the execution together in awe 😆 Now, instead of Merciful MC looking away and Ruthless MC spectating the execution, it'll depend more on your MC's choice in Chapter 2 regarding the mission (Ready to kill, reluctant to kill innocent, or don't want to kill).

Well, that's all I have to report for the month. As always, I just want to say thank you for all your support and enthusiasm for my story 🥰. I might not be able to answer a lot of asks in the coming days because I'll be hyper-focused on finishing Chapter 4 as quick as possible 😅

If you guys are interested in supporting me, getting some extra side contents on the side, including an early access for this upcoming chapter, please check out my Patreon!

[Patreon Link]

[flyiingsly]

The Banquet

Square : Rations

Pairing : Kix x gn!jedi!reader

Warnings : Alcohol, reader being a bit drunk, slight mention of death, war and injuries, fluff and kitchen shenanigans, nothing comestible was harmed during the writing of this fic

Wordcount : 3,5K

Summary : You and Kix team up to prepare a meal for the rest of the 501st, but despite being used to cook together, this time might end a little differently.

A/N : My seventh commission for the @clonexreaderbingo ! This one is packed with real life cooking struggles, and it was fun as hell to write about honestly 😄 (Don't worry, I'm not getting drunk every time I'm cooking !)

For those who are familiar with it, you’ll probably notice that the main course here is inspired by the Pasta Alla Vodka’s recipe, it’s a simple dish but one of my favorite comfort food ever ! If you don’t know it yet, go check it, it’s really worth a try ! 😋

Disclaimer : I'm still struggling to understand English grammar properly, English is not my native language and even if I have proofread my writtings several times, there is probably still typos in it. I'm very self conscious about it and I apologize for it in advance, but I'm doing my best to do better and I'm actively working at improving my writting skills !

So if you spot a typo, feel free to point it to me so I can correct it, it will be much appreciated :)

It was a tradition every time the 501st was returning from a mission, especially the long ones : cooking a real meal. After days of only eating ration bars, it was a much-needed comfort that every member of the battalion dearly waited for and appreciated, a reward for both the body and the mind, and a perfect occasion to spend some time off together. It was a clone thing at first, but you, Anakin and Ahsoka grew so close to your men that you were now part of it as well, even Obi-Wan ended up being invited a few times.

The rules were simple :  you must team up two by two, and each duo had to pick a main course and a dessert recipe. In this way, the whole meal was much more looking like a big banquet were everyone could pick up a bit of the recipes they wanted to try. Those events were true feasts that lasted a large part of the night and often ended at the 79’.

At first, the meals were prepared at the GAR kitchen when the days off appeared to be spent on Coruscant, and it was a very regular occurrence. But the battalion eventually had the chance to get a very special authorization to use some of the Senate’s kitchens for that particular purpose, thanks to Senator Amidala.

It all started at a joke between Rex and Anakin, but then it turned out that the General made it happens for real, much to the surprise of his Captain. And to be honest, there were a LOT of kitchens in that Senate Building, which allowed each team to have their private little space to cook their meals. Since then, it became a thing to keep the recipes a secret until they got served.

You absolutely loved that tradition. You loved to spend time with the clones outside of the battlefield, far away from the violence of the war, and far away from the grief of losing brothers. It nearly felt like all of you were just normal people enjoying good times with your closest friends. It almost felt like you weren’t soldiers anymore and finally able to live and enjoy the real life for some times, just like if the whole world around you wasn’t at war for a moment. You liked that feeling.

You had already paired up with a couple of troopers before, even with Anakin once. It was messy as hell and he nearly set the oven on fire (even cooking with Hardcase was more peaceful), but it was a funny experience, and you definitely had to give it a try.

But most of the time, you ended up pairing with Kix. Both of you loved to cook and were very good at it. You were also very close to each other. In fact, he was the closest from you, even if you were very familiar with every one of your men, Kix was an exception above the others. You always had special healing abilities, so those and the fact that he was the medic of the company led the two of you to work together on most missions. You helped him numerous of times healing soldiers, and he taught you a lot of medical knowledge in return.

You had to face the worst injuries, the death of brothers, and the carnage of the war upon the civilians together. You had saved people together, helped people together, seen people heal together, seen people perish together. And most of all, you had seen each other cry and have mental breakdowns multiple times.

Not being able to save a life and having to face death powerlessly were traumatic events you had both endured side by side, supporting and comforting each other unfailingly. It was hard to go through every time, but it had built a profound and solid bound between the two of you that you couldn’t have formed with anybody else. It was something special and precious.

The choice of your main recipe came from a joke at first. On the flight taking you back to Coruscant, Hardcase told everyone that he’ll gave everything right now to have “a huge bowl of pasta and a glass of spotchka”. To which Fives answered that “there must be a recipe combining both pastas and spotchka existing somewhere in the galaxy”. Little do they knew that, of course, such a recipe indeed existed : the famous Pasta Alla Spotchka. It was a dish you were really fond of that you discovered on one of your previous missions, and even if you couldn’t remember exactly from when it was originated, you had been able to find its recipe and make some a few times already.

You had smiled at the thought, but decided to keep for yourself, only letting out a brief “probably, yes”. Kix immediately noticed your grin, knowing perfectly that it meant that you were up to something. That’s how you submitted him the idea right upon exiting the ship, and he enthusiastically agreed with it. You both couldn’t wait to see Hardcase’s face when he’ll found out !

For the dessert, you decided to keep it simple. There was a chocolate cookies recipe that you were used to do and had already shared with the boys on various occasions. It had become your signature cookies recipe over time, and most of them agreed on the fact that it was the best they have ever eat “in the whole galaxy”, as they like to add to embarrass you. Plus, Kix was head over heels for these, so the choice wasn’t hard to make, even more since it was making your best friend happy.

The campaign had been a complete success this time, and fortunately, no severe injuries were reported, only minor ones. It was an additional reason to celebrate, but it also meant that Kix was free of duty at the moment you landed. It only took a moment to both of you unpack your things and take a shower before heading to one of the many Coruscanti marketplaces.

You bumped into Fives and Echo at the store, teasing them about not forgetting anything this time. You were always extremely well organized when it came to grocery shopping, on the contrary of some other pairs, who sometimes had to borrow ingredients they forgot to buy. It had become a running joke among the group at this point.

***

“We better start with the cookies …”, you tell Kix while emptying your groceries bags on the kitchen counter.

“ …. So we could prepare the pasta while they bake ?” he finishes your sentence with a sly smile.

“Exactly” you pursue, smiling back at him. He couldn’t help it, finishing your sentences. But you couldn’t blame him for that, you were often doing the same. Sometimes you felt like if your minds were connected, always understanding each other only by making eye contact, or having the same ideas at the same time. You loved that connection between you, even though you were glad that he couldn’t read your thoughts for real sometimes, especially the most intimate ones.

“Did you bring your datapad and your speakers ?” you ask cheerfully.

“Of course, what a question !”

You were both music enjoyers and were used to cook while listening to your favorite songs. Soon, a flow of lively music was filling the kitchen, and you couldn’t help but sing and dance along. Your good mood was contagious, and Kix quickly joined you in.

As you were setting up all the needed kitchen utensils, Kix stopped in front the bottle of spotchka that was standing on the counter. You had taken the bigger one from the store, for the amount needed for the recipe was huge. However, there will still be some spare beverage at the end, and he knew it. He took the bottle in his hands, examining its label.

“Don’t you think it could be a good idea to taste it before using it ? We don’t know … If there’s something wrong with it, I don’t want to give my brothers some food poisoning …” he lets out, looking at you with a playful smile.

That poor attempt at justifying the opening of the bottle earlier than planned made you laugh.

“Really ? That’s all you have found to try to cover your alcoholism ?” you ask provokingly.

“Well, at least I’ve tried …” he rolls his eyes, “Can I ?”

“Only if I get some too !” you grin.

“Hehe, I knew it !”

He reached for some liquor glasses in the cupboard above he counter, picking two and filling them with the clear liquid.

“To our successful mission and the best General in the galaxy !” he cheers, offering you one of the glasses with a bright smile.

“Don’t forget the most devoted medic in the GAR.” You add, taking it from his hand.

He rolled his eyes in response, a slight blush passing on his cheeks.

“To the 501st !” he finally declares, raising his glass.

“Yeah, to the 501st !” you chuckle, raising yours too, before you both knock down their content in one go.

***

As you said, you started with the cookies. The longest part of the dough making was the chocolate preparation. You weren’t used to pre-made chocolate chips, for they were way too tiny to your taste. Instead, you preferred to cut bigger chunks from whole chocolate bars with a knife. It was a wearing job, especially for such a big quantity, but it was probably the reason why your recipe was so popular. The fuller of chocolate they were, the better the cookies ended.

You kept that part for yourself, leaving the combining of the other ingredients for Kix, who insisted to use his hands instead of a spatula. He seemed to have a lot of fun with it, even if it made him need your help when adding elements to the mixture, to not make a mess with his dough covered hands.

When you finished cutting the chocolate and added it to the preparation, you were both starting to feel joyfully dizzy. The first batch of cookies was put to bake, and you took a moment to contemplate the huge amount of dough waiting to be turned into small pieces before starting the main recipe.

“We’re a pretty effective duo, aren’t we ?” he says with pride.

“How modest” you let out ironically. He was right, but teasing him was funnier than to rule in his favor. You look at him to see his reaction, catching another roll of his eyes before looking deadpan back at you, feigning to be annoyed by your answer.

You were, indeed, always very effective when working together, either on the battlefield, at the medbay, or at whatever else like cooking. It was sometimes making you wonder in what other kind of way you could complete each other that well.

Now that you were thinking about it, you couldn’t help but find him very attractive that way, wearing his top blacks and civilian pants. But mostly, his eyes were so kind and soft, you could stare at them for hours.

“You know, I mean it. And I think that it wouldn’t have been the same with anyone else, I’m really glad to have you around.”

His comment pulled you out of your thoughts and made your heart instantly melt. If he wanted to make you blush, he won. You were used to talk that openheartedly to each other, but this time, it felt different. You couldn’t describe it, but you could feel that something more was happening. Those words sounded like a disguised confession, but you decided to ignore your instinct and brush the thought off.

“And you know I feel the same about you, I’ll be lost without you by my side.”

You felt your cheeks blushing, realizing that what you had just say wasn’t ringing any less like a confession. The thoughts that you were trying to avoid came back to your mind, but you didn’t push them back this time. You should have, but you couldn’t … You found yourself unable to get your eyes off him as tension filled the air. You felt his gaze become more intense upon you, and you caught his hand slowly and hesitantly moving toward you from the corner of your eye. You hold your breath, head spinning with nervousness. You were frozen on spot, waiting for whatever will happen next, hopping that maybe, just maybe, that strange presentiment wasn’t just your mind fooling you …

Biiip biiip biiip

You both jumped in surprise, letting out a squeak at the unexpected and piercing noise, not understanding, at first, from where the sound was coming from. You quickly got yourself together and realized it was the oven announcing that your first batch of cookies was ready.

You both looked at the oven, then back at each other with an expression of confusion on your face, before starting to laugh nervously.

“Well, seems like it’s time for the pastas !” you throw, trying to create a diversion from your awfully flustered face by running toward the oven to open it.

You weren’t really sure of what had just happened, but you decided to definitely burry your troubling thoughts with another shot of spotchka and by focusing on your main dish.

***

You forgot about that awkward moment as soon as you immersed yourself in the preparation of the pasta sauce. You firstly set a big cooking pot of water to boil for the pastas, and split the different steps of the recipe between the two of you. You picked up the slicing of the garlic while Kix chooses to set a pan with olive oil to heat and to measure the other ingredients.

You couldn’t help but cry abundantly at how strong the garlic was. As soon as you had peeled them and even before starting to slice them, the cloves were already attacking your eyes. Kix made fun of you about it until he had to open the tomato concentrate cans. He barely knew how to use a can opener, and made a mess of the whole counter trying to prevent the can lid to drown into the concentrate while opening it.

You ended up exchanging your tasks seeing how badly you were both struggling to fulfill them, and Kix still had to put his helmet on to be able to cut that stupid garlic without crying his eyes out. It was the first time that you were making such a mess in a kitchen, but paradoxically, even if you had enjoyed every one of the previous occurrences, this one was the funnier so far.   

***

It took you more time than expected, but you still managed to get everything done properly. Most of the cookies were already baked and cooling peacefully on the counter, the pastas were cooked and waiting to be mixed with the sauce, the cheese topping had been grated and reserved in the fridge, and the said sauce was finishing to simmer, close to reach the perfect consistency.

You ended up losing count of how many glasses of spotchka you had, but all that mattered was that you had enough for the recipe. At this point, the atmosphere was relaxed, and the music was still playing, you weren’t overthinking the situation anymore and everything was going on as planned.

While you were both forming the next batch of cookies, you saw him suddenly stop moving to look at the flour covered counter like if he had just discovered the meaning of life.

“Are you ok ?” you ask. He didn’t answer anything, but slowly turned his head to look at you. You noticed that his eyes slowly lowered on your dark shirt, then moved to the counter, then back on your shirt.

You were starting to worry about him when a mischievous smile grew on his lips.

“Oh no … what are you up to again ?”

You didn’t get the chance to anticipate his move, and without a warning, he had dived his hand into the thin layer of flour that was covering the counter, then had slammed it on your shoulder.

You take a step back at the unexpected impact, your eyes widening in disbelief as they looked at the white hand mark now printed on your shirt.

“Are you serious ?” you gasp, but the only answer you got was a burst of laughter.

He obviously found it hilarious, and you started to smile too, for his laugh really was contagious. You knew that he usually wasn’t so inclined at pulling pranks, so you decided to play along.

“Well, if I was you, I wouldn’t be so proud of myself, you are the one wearing black from head to toes, just saying” you warn him with a teasing smile.

“You wouldn’t dare !” he lets out, looking at you right in the eyes. You took it as a challenge, of course.

“Watch me !”

Before he could even protest, you had covered you own hand in flour and had slammed it against his chest, creating a little cloud all around the impact.

Your move was immediately taken as a declaration of war, and the beginning of a monstruous white powdered mess. A big cloud of tiny white particles formed and grew as you run after each other all around the kitchen, laughing and covering every inch of body that could possibly be reached with hand prints. The chase goes on for a couple minutes, until you managed to grab him by the arm to stop him in his tracks and slapped his chest one more time.

But he turned over so fast and with so much strength that your hand, firmly attached to his arm, followed his movement, leading your whole body to be carried away toward the nearest kitchen wall, as you were a bit tipsy and missing your usually perfect balance.

Realizing what was happening, he tried to hold you back, but stumbled upon his own feet and was carried away too by your inertia. Your back came crashing against the wall in a muffled thud. Kix’s chest nearly crashed against you, but he fortunately got the reflex to use his forearms to catch himself.

You instantly stopped laughing and went completely silent, processing what had just happen. You were just inches from each other, both panting and your heartbeats racing fast from the previous run. Kix’s arms were settled against the wall, framing your face.

You stayed motionless, looking at him with wide eyes, stunned and chocked, with no idea about what to do next. The closeness was making you nervous again, and you tried not to stare at his mouth, despite the fact that your brain was screaming you to catch the opportunity to kiss him.

But as you were fully focused on trying to refrain your thoughts, Kix decided to solve the problem by leaning toward you and gently placing his lips against yours. You tensed at the contact at first, taken aback and surprised, but you soon started to relax.

You closed your eyes, all your nervousness quicky vanishing, and you unconsciously wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer until you were completely pinned down against the wall.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long …” he whispers between two kisses, unable to let go of your lips now that he had tasted them.

“And so do I …” you breath out, heat and desire burning your cheeks.

You were so lost into each other and the music was so loud that neither of you heard the repeated knocks on the door followed by its opening.

“Hey guys, are you here ? We … may have forgotten to buy something … Nothing much, but, I just needed to ask you, have you some spare …”

You suddenly broke your embrace and turned your head toward the intruder. It was Fives, and it was too late, he had already saw you.

“Oh maker !” he exclaims, his jaw dropping in shock, before a wide smile appeared on his lips.

“ I KNEW IT !!!” he shouts triumphantly. You didn’t even get the time to react that he had already escaped the kitchen, running in the corridor still yelling at the top of his lungs.

“I KNEW IT ! GUYS ! I KNEW IT !” his voice was getting farer and farer, and you both knew that soon every single members of the 501st will be informed about that.

You looked at each other, oscillating between concern and confusion.

“Oh kriff it, we’re caught anyway …” Kix whispers with another roll of his eyes. His resigned expression made you chuckle, but soon, his soft smile was back on his face again. He leaned toward you, passionately kiss you again, making you instantly forget about Fives and the tons of teasing that were about to come your way in the next hours.

[norris-lando]

i'd forget all the ways that we're broken

George Russell x reader

inspired by the songs Brush Fire and Stay by Gracie Abrams

warnings: angst, breakup, maybe some typos

author's note: Okayyyyy, so the ending feels a little weird... But maybe I could do a part two?? Idk. Let me know your thoughts and I hope you enjoy! :)

word count: 2.9k

started as a simple lie, thinking love had chose us

we would talk into the night and nobody noticed

and i held on to every word, couldn't let you go and called it hope

now i'm so low, i can't ignore, we only ever made it worse

Tears streaming down your cheeks, you sat on the couch next to George. Your eyes shifted to the door where two suitcases filled with your belongings stood up waiting for someone to collect them.

The air was thick and filled with melancholy. Questions lingered around, directed at no one, never expecting any answers to them.

"So, this is it, huh?" George took your hand in his, his thumb moving back and forth on your skin. "You're just gonna walk away?" He was hurting and you could hear it in his voice.

You couldn't blame him, though, you hoped that he knew you were hurting, too. Probably as much, if not more than him. It wasn't like this was something you wanted to happen. You loved George more than words could describe. But your breakup had become inevitable. There was nothing either of you could have done, that was something you were certain of.

You knew full well what you were getting yourself into when you and George started dating. You knew he would have to travel a lot. You knew the time you would get to spent together would sometimes be very limited. With you still studying, you couldn't exactly up and leave every weekend to travel to the other side of the world to go see your boyfriend.

But you thought you could handle it. You were sure that love would overcome any trouble life might throw your way. You really did think that the whole long-distance relationship thing wouldn't come between you and George.

At some point, something just changed. Traveling became tough. The long plane rides back and forth, the continuous hotel nights, it all just became too much. The idea of seeing each other was always something the both of you were looking forward to. But the lengths you had go through to be able to spend time together became a burden. An obstacle that kept growing bigger and bigger, and harder to get past each time.

Sighing, you wiped the tears from your cheeks.

and all along you're promise is that you're changing

boy, you know what to say

before i turn away

your words hit me like a hard rain in l.a.

George had made a lot of promises in the hopes of keeping you. He didn't want to let you go. And to him, the traveling wasn't such a big deal. He had grown accustomed to it already anyway, all thanks to his line of work.

"We can call and text and face-time," George told you one night after you had brought up the idea of taking some time apart for the first time. It had come as a shock to him, leaving him hopeless as he tried to come up with every possible thing he could do to make your relationship easier for you.

Suddenly he was also promising to be the one who flew back to you. "I don't mind flying," he said, "that way you can always stay home. Focus on school and tests and everything else."

You were drowning and George threw you a lifeline.

And for a while the promises, his words, they worked. You believed him, or at least you wanted to. He kept telling how this was only temporary. That soon enough you would graduate and your school and workload that came with it, would be a distant memory. A speed bump in your relationship.

But what had once worked and had once seemed like a plausible option, soon became unbearable. It was like the waves around you were growing stronger and stronger and it became harder and harder to cling to the salvation George had sent your way.

scared to turn and look behind

thinking i'd see you hurting

and even when i close my eyes

i feel like the burden

It became harder each time to face George. You felt sorry for him. He was busy with his schedule during race weekends and seeing him come home to you, all tired and exhausted wasn't fun for either of you. The guilt of having to put him through all that made you question if there was anything left to fight for.

Whenever George came home to you, weary and worn-out, you often made excuses for as why you couldn't spend much time with him in your shared home. Sometimes it was a test you had to study for, other times a group project you had to work on with your friends. Whatever the excuse, it was always another desperate attempt to not see the man you loved in pain and hurting.

This led you to feel like a burden. You couldn't bare to see him hurt but you couldn't bare the thought of losing him. Nothing you did seemed right in your mind. Everything was always wrong. Whether you were with him or away from him.

You racked your brain trying to come up with an answer as to what to do. You couldn't be with him but you couldn't be without him. It was an impossible situation, for the both of you.

but i'm not yours anymore

everything you broke is ash and smoke

now i'm so low, i can't ignore, we only ever made it worse

"We can't- I can't keep doing this anymore, George." You avoided his gaze and kept your eyes trained on your hands that sat on your lap. The tears kept coming and they were stinging.

You wished so much you wouldn't have to feel this way. A part of you wanting to put the blame on George, or someone, just anyone else but yourself. Cause in that moment, as you were trying your hardest to walk away, all you could do was blame yourself.

The guilt you felt from second-hand forcing George to travel back and forth between your home and wherever his job took him came back like a tidal wave.

Suddenly you were back in that freezing cold ocean, trying to cling to any last bit of hope. But it was getting so, so cold and you started feel so tired. The thought of letting go felt so inviting. Like a warm towel wrapped around you as you sat on the shore, safe and sound.

You got up from your seat, your knees almost buckling under your heavy weight of emotions. Trembling, you made your way to your suitcases by the door.

George followed you. He took your hand in his, forcing you to turn to face him. The two of you stood silent for a moment, facing each other before George pulled you in for a warm embrace. He was once your lifeline but now he was just a lighthouse, guiding you in the storm, giving you directions to avoid the rocky coasts.

"I will always love you, I hope you know that," he whispered to you but it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself of that.

You didn't need to say anything to him. You knew that deep down George knew this was for the best. That no matter how much you wanted, you just weren't compatible. You were two pieces from different puzzles - the kind that you think will fit only to realise they were the exact opposites.

And in what felt like the blink of an eye, you were out the door. George had to face the reality as you slipped from his grasp and he was left alone in a home that now felt so empty.

2 years later

"Come on, y/n," your friend had pleaded when she told you she had gotten two tickets to Silverstone GP. "It'll be fun! Besides, it's been like... forever since you and George broke up. It's fine for you to go to a race. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

You flinched at her words. George hadn't crossed your mind in so long but still the thought of even catching a glimpse of him made your skin shiver.

You hated to admit it to anyone but it had taken a ridiculously long time for you to get over him. And though your friend was probably right about George being okay with you being at the race, you weren't sure if you were. It felt like an invasion to go, to risk running into him by some God-given miracle.

You took a moment to contemplate, to go over every pro and con before you finally agreed. "Yes!" Y/f/n was jumping up and down, hugging you. It had been so long since you had spent time together doing something you both enjoyed, so it was nice to finally focus on your friends for a change.

-

At some point, as the days grew closer to the GP, you couldn't help but feel nervous but excited at the same time. You told yourself that no matter what, this would be a fun little trip. A great way to relax after all the intense studying and cramming you had done while still studying.

you told me something when i left but i don't remember

maybe cause all i could do then was stare at the floor

The day was finally here. The two of you making your way around the area, taking it all in. It felt so surreal to think that there was a time when all this wasn't just a distant memory for you, making it so much more emotional to be here now.

You thought back to the time when you weren't just another fan coming to a race. You thought about all the drivers, how they had become your friends when you were dating George. How you had all fallen out of touch just as quickly as you had first become acquainted. Flashes of memories made your head spin.

Something, or more like someone, pulled you out of your train of thought. A familiar voice was calling out to you.

"Y/n?" You saw Lando make his way through the sea of people.

You scanned around you, looking for your friend but she was out of earshot. She had wondered off on her own just a few moments before and you were cursing her in your mind. Why did she always have to disappear just when you needed her to save you from an awkward situation?

Lando was in front of you now, extending his arms out to give you a hug. He managed to pull you in just before you could dodge. "What are you doing here? I haven't seen you in so long. I missed you. Does George know you're here?"

The swarm of questions took you by surprised. You and Lando held onto each other for a moment before you pulled away, giving him an apologizing look.

"Uh," you started as you tried to find answers to his questions. "I missed you, too," you finally managed to say. It was true. You had missed him. And feeling Lando embrace you in a warm hug brought back all the good memories — including the ones about George.

"Oh, there you are! Where did you—" Y/f/n was cut off when she saw Lando give her a small wave. "I didn't realise you were in the middle of something. I'll let you two catch up." She was pointing a finger at you as she said, "you come find me when you're done." With that, she dissappeared again.

You and Lando chuckled as you watched y/f/n walk away from you, leaving you to catch up with everything that had happened.

It was nice to talk to Lando. During the time you two had known each other, he had quickly become like a brother you had never had growing up. So even with all the time that had passed, it felt like you two had always stayed in touch.

"Look, I should get going," Lando said suddenly. You gave him a nod. "But if you want, I know there's someone who misses you. I can tell George you're here."

You thought it over. Not sure if it was a good idea. But hearing Lando tell you that George missed you... It made you want to at least give it a shot — see him, talk to him.

"Yeah, I think I'd like that." There was a shy smile on your lips and your stomach was filled with butterflies. What had you just agreed to, you wondered.

Lando smiled back at you and gave you a small wave before he turned around and went on his way.

i held myself cause you wouldn't all wrapped in my sweatshirt

wondering if you even noticed that that one was yours

Time seemed to move slower as you waited for the race to be over. As you waited for George. Lando had texted him, telling him you were here, which in turn led George to text you and ask you to meet him.

So, here you were, questioning every choice you had ever made in your life. Wondering how those choices had led you straight to here. It felt weird. After all this time, after the emotional roller coaster you put yourself through when you walked out on George.

-

The air was getting chilly as the day had started to slowly turn to night. You had wrapped an old sweater around your body, almost as if holding yourself in it like secure blanket. But there was an empty feeling hanging in the air. The sweater giving off a whiff of a familiar smell.

George.

As your brain registered the smell, he appeared in your line of sight almost simultaneously.

A part of you wanted to run to him, wrap your arms around him and hold him without ever letting go. But you stopped yourself and chose to only embrace him in your mind.

He was standing in front of you. The two of you looking at each other without saying a word. Scared of what might come of it. What if you say something wrong? What was even the right thing to say? I miss you? I love you?

"Hi," you whispered.

He said hey back and a small chuckle escaped his lips. "You still have my old sweater."

It was said in a matter of fact kind of way. It didn't hold any deeper meaning or yearning for something more. Something about George's words made you feel like this was a bad idea.

"Yeah, I-"

He cut you off, "you always looked better in it than I did." His sentence held more emotion this time.

The two of you talked. At first it was just small talk back and forth, topics varying between family, your studies, his job. It felt nice to talk to him about every day things. Something about it making everything feel so normal - like you had never really broken up.

could you hold me without any talking

we could try to go back to where we started

i don't even have to stay but if i woke up with you in the morning

i'd forget all the ways that we're broken

A silence fell between you. The air started to feel thick with anticipation before you finally worked up the courage to say what you had wanted to say since you first saw him.

"Look, I'm really sorry," you sighed, "about everything. I never meant to hurt you."

Your words felt empty. Like the meaning behind them got lost somewhere in the wind. It felt stupid to apologize but what else were you supposed to do.

Something came over you. You forgot all the bad things and all the reasons that made you think it was a good idea to breakup in the first place.

You found yourself clinging to George. You held onto him for dear life and you didn't ever want to let go. It didn't matter that it took him a few moments to react to your hug. It didn't matter that a few years ago, the last time you held each other, your relationship ended in burning flames. In that moment, you two were whole again.

catch myself thinking about you more than i should

and maybe i should've but i never told you i miss you

i almost said it but don't know if you feel the same

"I've been thinking about you so much. And when Lando told me you were here, I just knew I had to see you," George confessed. His face was buried in your shoulders so the words came out muffled but you could hear everything he said.

"I wanted to call you so many times. To tell you I love you and that I miss you but... I was afraid you didn't feel the same way. I didn't wanna bother you, in case you had moved on."

You listened carefully everything that George said. You wished he would have told you these things before but you also knew deep down that you two needed time apart.

The two of you held onto each other, neither of you saying a word. It wasn't needed in that moment. You knew how you felt about each other and nothing could ever come between you two anymore.

Surely, your time spent apart would always be a part of your past but that's all it would be. You had, by some God-given miracle, found a way to each other again. And this time, neither of you would let go.

This time, you would learn and grow stronger together until you would forget the things that once broke you.

[justajsworkshop]

Hey, I hope you’re doing well. Do you ever feel like time’s just slipping away and it makes you anxious, like maybe you’re not doing enough or that life is moving too fast? If you’ve ever felt that, how do you deal with it? Have you found a way to calm that fear that what you’re doing might not really be making a difference?

Today, I spent more time meditating and stayed off social media, which was great at first. But by the end of the day, I got hit with this wave of anxiety out of nowhere. It was kind of scary and made me feel like all the progress I made was pointless, like I was back to square one. I eventually calmed down, but I still hate when that feeling creeps in. How do you handle it when that happens?

Anyway, I hope your journey is going well love<3 and that you’re finding peace even in those tough moments.

hiii, omg. you sound so much like me when i'm reaching out to people for support, so i'm just giving you a big nose boop and a cookie. i've got two branches of thoughts on this as (1) a person who gets anxiety and (b) someone who can add a bit of context with all the loa/consciousness stuff.

(this got egregiously long. i'm so sorry. you don't have to read the whole thing. sorry in advance for typos. )

so, lemme start with the first, and i'll say yes. i have totally felt that way before, and tbh, i think you'd have a hard time finding a person in modern society who hasn't felt that way at one time or another. sometimes it helps me to remind myself that i'm not the first person to ever feel this way before, and it kinda takes away some of the exceptionalism goggles we can get around ourselves (in the negative way, e.g., thinking we're so uniquely horrible, incompetent, unloved, etc. when we're just having a human moment.).

feelings are just sensations in the body, and thoughts are just thoughts. i'm someone with a history of anxiety/depression to the point where i've been hospitalized, and i'm not saying for sympathy; i'm way better now! dw. it's just so you know i'm not just talking about anxiety flippantly.

i've found that it's helpful for me to know when my anxiety flares up, and a lot of times, it's in the afternoon/evening when i'm done with work and the stimulation of the day kinda simmers down. i think it's also a neurodivergence thing. it helps me to know these patterns, so i can give myself grace and remember my brain is just a bit different and has different needs than most people. just because it says something is true, doesn't mean it is true. more often than not, anxiety is a straight up liar.

yes, i know i could manifest better mental health for myself, and i do affirm when i need to, but overall it's not bothersome enough to me that it's where i'm focusing on. for anyone who's reading this and wondering why i haven't done that yet.

when i can, i try to give myself a little distance between the narrative my anxiety is trying to write and how i experience it. so, trying to watch it all move through me instead of experiencing it as me, although i recognize that at some times, your eyes are glued to the mental tv so close, it's hard to distinguish between the two. and when i feel too close to it all, i'll either (a) do something to distract myself like watch a comfort movie/show, go for a walk, talk to my fandom friends about stupid shit, etc. or (b) let myself have a good cry about it all and wallow. i give myself permission to just be a sad sack for a day, and remind myself that tomorrow will be better. if i can, i find some self-satirizing in it. just trying to be as comically dramatic as possible about "woe is me!" and this helps me to bring some lightness and humor to it all, remembering that horror and comedy writing are only different because of the punchlines. i just tend to try to live life with a "laugh maniacally in the face of absurdity" mindset, and what isn't more absurd than your perceived limitations, y'know?

that's the love on your linear, human self side of things. and if that's what you gotta do, do it. we can't go off limiting god by saying that giving compassion, grace, and love to your human self means you're losing anything. you can also set the intention that you'll have a breakthrough on the other side of this, and i often do because i let go of all this tension and bullshit i've been carrying that i just don't need/identify with anymore.

ok, for part two that brings a bit more of loa and consciousness into context:

once again, yes. i've felt all of this around manifestation/shifting specifically, and the things that help me are remembering that this isn't about doing and that time isn't linear.

the quote from the magician's way that tom mentions a lot is "there's nothing to do but always action to take"—differentiating between 'doing' from an assumption that your success is dependent on specific action(s) vs. taking action because you're already assuming fulfillment. the affirmation that's really helped me with this one in particular is "what if there was nothing else to do? what if it was all already perfect?" whenever i ask that to myself, i instantly feel a massive wave of calm and release, and i just soak in that feeling. and after a couple of days of coming back to that place, i let go of so much of the instance that any "doing" was required of me to have/be everything i want.

if that one doesn't do it for you, play with the wording a bit and see if there's one that does. or set the intention that the perfect language will fall in your lap.

as for the other prong of your ask regarding time and progress, this is when i remind myself that time is not linear, and all moments exists at once simultaneously. so, i'm already in my desired end and experiencing it because i am in all realities everywhere all at once. ultimate reality consists of one moment, so you can't really make any progress when everything exists all at once; therefore, you can't lose any progress either.

i used to be obsessed with the idea of "how long" i'd been persisting because i saw persisting as a means to an end: that if i do this "long enough," i will get my desired result. but when i started understanding that persistence is the end, i was less attached to the amount of time/how consistent i had been, and i focused more on "who am i choosing to be right now?"

i also like to remind myself that time as we experience it from a linear, horizontal perspective is something we create. people go back in time. people revise their age. you could shift to a reality that doesn't even experience linear time in the way you do now. so, yeah, it might appear that time is slipping by, but appearances can be deceiving. and all appearances that you perceive with your physical sense are an act of deception claiming "this is all that is" when it's not. you are.

i also think that people confuse persistence with perfection—this notion that you have to be perfectly consist and that no wavering/contradicting can happen, etc. but at the end of the day, if you continue to come back to your desired end even after a day or a week or years of being your undesired self, you're still persisting. because you're still coming back home, and that's what the parable of the prodigal son taught us: god is always going to accept you with open arms instantly no matter now long you've spend squandering your inheritance of your I AM awareness on nonfulfillment.

you can't lose anything because that would imply nonexistence, that whatever you perceive you lost "went somewhere" and cannot be experienced, but all possibilities exists now and forevermore in the eternal now, so you literally cannot lose anything. you can create the experience and perception of loss, but that's just getting too close to the movie saying it's the only one that exists when we exist in a greater reality with unlimited scripts and possibilities.

so, to summarize, take care of your human and remember your being. that's really the very short and much more straightforward answer haha. i hope this helped, and if there's anything else i can offer, you're free to ask. :)

[toxicanonymity]

My dude, as I get notification after notification about your posts every day, I had to wonder... How do you find the time to write SO much? Only because I can't even keep up with READING it all, let alone having the creativity to write that much 😂 And by that I mean, Kudos to you 👏🏻 Truly an inspiration 🙌🏼 Love the dirty, depraved world you've created 😝

Thank you 😅🖤 This might be rhetorical but I'm gonna give it a real answer. Also, I don't read nearly as much as I write. I feel guilty about all the amazing fics I haven't read. But I get caught up in getting my thots out.

I "write" in my head a lot when I'm not actually writing. Like I'm bound to have a mess of thoughts while I drive, so to make that time more productive and relaxing, as I walk to my car I might decide which story I'm going to think about and what I want to figure out. With that focus and some luck, it might come together enough that once I'm in a position to "actually" write, it pours out of my fingers.

I can type really fast. Full speed is well over 100 wpm, brazenly making typos and nonsense. Of course I rarely type that fast, but the fact that I can when I need to get a thought out helps. I had to take typing in school but really honed my skills on AOL AIM lol. I was able to type and edit "night walks morning after" in < 1hr because the thoughts were there.

For me it replaces other habits like scrolling the news or insta or Twitter or watching Netflix. Also I will write anywhere. I once wrote a whole smut scene standing in line at Burlington for 40 minutes. If I'm standing in line or a waiting room more than a couple minutes, better believe I'm opening google docs or my tumblr.

I multitask to get thoughts out. Like I will write on my phone at the gym while I'm on the recumbant bike.

It's my favorite thing to do these days, so I will dedicate time to it. Over recent weekends, I've spent a good bit of time at the library writing.

I maximize efficiency by writing whatever I feel like at any given moment. This helps me be in a natural flow where I'm not thinking too hard. This is why I can't say whether or when I'll do or finish something. And why a request may sit in my inbox so long then suddenly get done when inspiration strikes,.

[peppered-moths]

im back with another majorwood song for ur enjoyment! collar full by panic! at the disco, it almost made it on the playlist but it didnt work in the narrative i wanted. so it will eventually go onto the general playlist i wanna make :] - screamingallium

my cat is actively trying to sit on my keyboard while i type, sorry in advance for any typos (also this made me realize i know like. no panic! in the disco songs. idk)

"We've waited so damn long, we're sick and tired / I won't leave any doubt or stone unturned" - how many has it been now? four? does it even really matter? he's lost, and he is lost, but the game is the game. martyn has spent far too long pushing attachments away. scott hasn't been able to spend enough time with the people he loves. a perfectly imperfect pair, some might say. doomed to fly, doomed to fall.

"I've got a collar full of chemistry from your company / So maybe tonight I'll be the libertine" - scott doesn't care. he enjoys spitting in destiny's face. he's scared; they all are, of course. martyn wants to be the one to take a leap of faith for once. break the rules, just to see what happens. refuse to kill him, protect him with your own (red, red, red) life.

"Gimme more but it's not enough / Show me your love, your love / Before the world catches up" - it's all about time. time, ticking down. time, reversed. there are so many memories, more than there have ever been before. martyn will take scott's hand. they'll run as far as they can go, they won't wait for any higher powers to catch up. at least, they wish they could. there is a world border for a reason. no escape from the tick-tock of the clock.

"'Cause there's always time for second guesses, I don't wanna know / If you're gonna be the death of me, that's how I wanna go" - it's hard to believe in trust. especially when that trust is 'please kill me, but only once. please let me turn my back to you. please let me trust you.' and he does. he does. there's no time for second guesses. jump on in, the water's fine. there's nothing hiding underneath.

"You've got it all worked out with so little time / Memories that I'd blackout if you were mine" - they don't have enough time. everything has to be quick and painful and clinging and achingly heartbreaking. they barely ever sit still. there is always something to be done, some death to be avoided, so they can have one more moment together. every one of those moments could be their last.

[makuta-tobi]

41-50. also do the prime numbers<3

wow, I... can't figure out why they skipped numbers, must have been a typo they missed somehow. weird

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? I'll be totally honest, I'm not sure if it was Brandee or Guinness

03: Do you regret anything? Oh, a lot of things. Some of my regrets are things that I didn't do that I feel would have made a lasting impact and probably wouldn't have, but they still eat away at me

05: What is your relationship status? Engaged for like 5 years at this point

07: What did you last eat? Some really mediocre teriyaki chicken bao, not getting those again

11: Do you like someone? Romantically for realsies, just Brandee, romantically in like a "imagine this scenario if you would" way, a few, and platonically, a handful

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? Y'know, I'm mad at people, but only when I directly think about them, for the most part, I don't think there's anyone in my life that I distinctly hate on a personal level. There's a lot of people just generally in the world that I hate on principle, but that's different

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? Can't say I've ever had the pleasure

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Maybe, depends on the rules, and also assuming the rules work the way I think they might, if I can go back and forth at will, even just between 2 moments specifically

23: Do you have piercings? How many? Thought about it a few times, but no

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Uhhh, probably. I think I've scared Brandee a few times when she was at peak anxiety and it pushed her over the edge

31: Does somebody love you? Seeing as I have to simply take peoples' word for it, I will assume so

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? For me, it's forget. I forget things within minutes to a few hours, so if you cross me, I'll likely forget until it gets brought up again

51: Favourite food? Teriyaki chicken and burgers

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Mmm, barring answering this in a pretentious way about getting changed or whatever, I stayed up later than intended playing the new season in Destiny - that is to say, I spent way too long in the new fishing minigame

57: Do you believe in true love? I think so

59: Do you like the snow? Very much, it annoys people when I say it

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? Depends on the context, mostly how I'm feeling. Can be very cute, but can also be gag-worthy

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? Brandee

yknow one of these days you're gonna ask me to do prime numbers and im gonna put one wrong on total accident and nuke my follower count for being such a fool in front of you

[kitkatt0430]

2, 8, 18, 30 and 37 for the fanfic ask game!!

2.) Where do you get your fic ideas?

A lot of places really.

I get a lot of fix fic ideas from rewatching or replaying games. (Or first watch through for particularly egregious problems. *glaring right at The Flash*)

Sometimes I'll just turn certain plot elements from the show around in my mind until I come up with a way to remix the plot some how. That's how I got things like Gideon Vs The Reverse Flash where I took the idea that Gideon was more than the show lets her be and really ran with it. Sometimes it's a bit of a silly idea. Sometimes it's more serious, like with Flash Back where Barry tells Eobard more about the future than intended. Or I just completely rearrange the plot like in Neighbors and Butterflies.

Prompts help a lot for coming up with post canon and alternate canon fics too. A Touch of Forgetfulness surprisingly did not come from an amnesia prompt, but from these three prompts: Established Relationship, Domestic Fic, and Getting Together. I wondered how I could have both the two of them in an established relationship and getting together at the same time. And I landed on the idea of the two of them being married but one of them had their memories messed with so they have to get together all over again.

And I get a lot of fusion fic ideas from watching other media or playing video games or the like.

But honestly, there's just no telling what's gonna spark a weird idea that turns into my next fanfic. :D

8.) Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip.

Savitar sings songs that play on the radio in 2023 when he gets anxious. It is not currently 2023.

18.) Do you enjoy research?  Which fic of yours required the most research?

Yes and no? Sometimes reality gets in the way of a good fic idea. But sometimes I learn really interesting things that... don't make it into the fic after all. And sometimes the realism I can add thanks to research makes the fic better. It can be frustrating when I do research and it winds up not being useful for whatever reason, but it's nice when it does.

I'm not really sure which fic required the most research. Though off the top of my head, I remember doing a lot of research for Hello Hadley about the different types of power of attorney - media often throws the term around like it's one single thing but surprise! it can actually refer to several different things. I also looked a little into the process of adoption when two people are already legally related - but I also left a lot up to poetic license.

30.) How much do you edit your fics?  Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?

Um... sometimes what I post is the first draft. In fact... most often what I post is the first draft. Depends on how confident I feel about the fic on whether I do a second draft. I always edit for grammar and typos as best I can since I don't have anyone beta read for me. Since it's my favorite hobby, but still just a hobby, I aim more for fun than perfection. There are some cases where in retrospect i might wish I had spent a bit more time drafting, but I think maybe that just means I need to get more comfortable going back to edit fics later.

37.) What fic has been the hardest for you to write?

Any long (or long-ish) fic that's unfinished. I'm still struggling with not getting stuck in the middle of long fics. Complicated and Messy, Road Trip, The Day After the World Ended (It Continued to Spin On Its Axis Just Fine) ...

One of those days I'm finally gonna finish that last one, I swear. (It's been unfinished so long. *sniffle*)

[sillylotrpolls]

Normally in these results posts I include some interesting/amusing analysis of the results, but as seen in yesterday's post I'm not really feeling it this week.

Instead, let's talk about something else interesting that happened with this post: it was my first experience with Tumblr's Blaze platform!

A whole bunch of information about that below the cut. ( @staff, if you're reading this, I have some ~burning~ questions for you. 😁)

I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but much to my surprise this poll was blazed on November 5th courtesy of @katco-cereal, who runs @silmarils-for-breakfast. They thought the poll was funny and had a free blaze thanks to Tumblr's new ad-free -> premium system, so why not?

What happens when your post is blazed

When someone else blazes a post of yours, you get a notification in your activity feed as well as an email. However, I first noticed because the poll had a little "fire" icon right above the notes.

So, if a post of yours gets blazed, you'll definitely know about it so long as you check tumblr and/or your email regularly.

Clicking the icon got me this notification:

As you can see, anyone can blaze a post as long as your blog settings permit it and it passes moderation. However, if you blaze someone else's post they might choose to "extinguish" the campaign before it starts or is over. If this happens, you don't get a refund or your free monthly blaze campaign returned. So, be sure the original poster isn't going to be upset at being blazed or else be comfortable being out the princely sum of $10 (or however much you spent).

Why you might want to check before blazing a post

I was touched that someone found my poll funny enough to reblog, but there is a reason I might still have extinguished the campaign early: you can't edit a blazed post while it's blazing.

Obviously you already can't edit polls (a fact I approve of, actually), but I do often go back and add context to posts or links or just fix a typo or whatever. Even adding a new tag would have required ending the campaign first.

This makes sense! The post has been through moderation, and it would be a huge loophole if you could submit something unobjectionable, like Gollum singing about how he likes it raw and wriggling, and then edit the post to feature hardcore Gandalf/Balrog porn after the campaign starts. But it's something you should be aware of before blazing.

The report and how to interpret it

Here's a copy of the report I was emailed after the campaign ended. It was sent pretty quickly; clearly Tumblr puts some effort into providing a good experience for users willing to actually give them money unlike the vast majority of us.

Something I have frequently lamented while running this blog is the lack of detailed stats. In particular, I would love a time-stamped breakdown of votes, so I can see exactly when a certain option took off or how getting reblogged by a certain popular blog affected things. With this report I still don't have that, but I did get some impressions stats.

As it happens, I have experience marketing and running ads on other social media platforms (mostly Twitter (RIP) and LinkedIn), so I had no trouble interpreting this. If you don't have that specific experience, however, let me break it down for you.

About impressions

According to the report, I got 3,677 impressions, 277 of which were "earned." An impression is when someone sees your post. Or, more accurately, an impression is when Tumblr puts a post on someone's dash. It's entirely possible for Tumblr to do that but for users not to actually see the post because they have some sort of ad-block in place. How exactly a platform determines if a post was seen is generally kept secret in hopes of preventing exploitation.

An "earned" impression in this context means someone saw the poll because it was blazed and decided to reblog it. Then, additional users saw their reblog. Those additional users seeing it are the "earned" impressions. Same for the other stats in this report.

Note that this report is only for impressions and other stats related to the blazed version of the post. If you saw this poll because you follow @sillylotrpolls or because someone who does reblogged it, that impression is not counted in this report.

Something else to notice is that the campaign promised that the post would be shown to "at least 2500 users." Why not make that exactly 2500 users? A few reasons come to mind. This is educated speculation as I do not work for Tumblr, but it's very likely a combination of:

Not being able to be 100% certain each user actually saw the post for above ad-blocker reasons (or if their dash just glitched for whatever reason, or the power went out as they were scrolling, or whatever).

The blaze system lags in counting how many impressions have already been served, so it's simpler to just show the post extra times rather than constantly checking to see if the count is at 2500 yet.

It's marketing technique meant to make users feel good about choosing Blaze because Tumblr is being generous with the impressions (which is fine to feel! there is nothing wrong with appreciating something nice!)

Votes = impressions?

Finally on the topic of impressions, one thing I really love about running polls is that they are a good proxy for measuring impressions without an ad campaign. When you scroll through your dash, you probably vote in most of the polls, right? Even the ones you don't like or reblog? (Actually, now that I'm saying it, I realize I'm not sure and would dearly love some stats on this.)

If you look at literally any poll on this blog, you'll see the number of votes is much higher than the number of notes. Since each user can only vote in a poll once, it makes a good estimate for how many people saw your post even if they didn't otherwise interact with it.

On the other hand, sometimes I have a poll that gets very few votes compared to other polls posted in that same time-frame. When that happens, it's probably not that I'm getting less impressions, since I can generally assume about the same number of followers are seeing each of those posts. Instead, it's much more likely that people just didn't want to vote on that particular poll.

A good example is this poll on dwarfism. I know it got at least 85 impressions, because it got that many votes, but generally other polls that didn't do well in that month got at least 200 votes or so. So votes can be a quick proxy for a proper impression count, but you have to be aware of complicating factors.

What about those other stats?

An engagement means someone interacted with the post. This includes clicks, follows, shares, replies, reblogs, and likes. It does not include votes.

A click means a user clicked on a link in your post. This is an important measurement in most "real" campaigns because you make the post trying to get people to click a link to the page selling your product or whatever. If there's no link (as was the case here), this stat will be zero no matter what.

A follow is pretty self-explanatory, but I will mention it can be difficult to capture all follows as a result of a campaign, especially if a user has turned off tracking cookies. If a user follows directly from the blazed post, of course that will be captured in the report. But what if a user sees the blazed post, then goes to check out the blog and see if they like it before deciding to follow? Depending on how the system is set up, that may or may not be reflected in the report.

The other stats I'm guessing you're familiar with if you use tumblr in any capacity at all. XD Once again, "earned" means the engagement happened on a post that was reblogged by a user who saw the post in blazed format. Interesting to me was the high ratio of reblogs to likes in the report. I'd have to see reports from additional campaigns to have any insight into whether that's common for blazed posts or specific to this one, however.

Something else I'm curious about is if any of these engagements are "hidden" in the notes until after the campaign ends. It's not going to be noticeable with reblogs or likes unless you're very meticulous, but I noticed right off that the number of replies the poll theoretically had (6) wasn't matching the number of replies I could see in the notes (4).

Usually if there's a mismatch like that I would assume it's because either I have a user blocked or visa versa, but that shouldn't be possible on my own blog, right? And if I go to check now, there are indeed the number of replies the notes say there should be, and they're timestamped Nov 5. So, I guess they were hidden? But I have no idea at all why that would be, as it would require extra code to make that happen, right? Very odd.

Is blazing a post a good idea?

Sure, if you like a post and want it to get more attention, why not? Just be sure the author (if not you) is cool with it and doesn't have plans to edit that post. However, it's also the case that a good post will probably spread around Tumblr anyway.

If I were making the call and had a set budget to work with, I'd blaze under some combination of the following circumstances:

The source blog doesn't have very many followers so the post isn't likely to be seen otherwise

The source blog has followers, but the post to be blazed would be popular with an audience beyond the typical demographics of those existing followers

Getting only a few clicks is enough to justify the cost of the campaign

Getting the post in front of users, regardless of any engagements, is enough to justify the cost of the campaign

In this case, Katco had a free blaze to burn (heh) and it was worth it to them to share the post with no potential personal return simply because they thought the post was funny and should be shared. And as a bonus, we got to learn about the Blaze process together, which was neat.

Generally, just keep your expectations realistic and remember it's only Tumblr, after all. $10 to have a little fun is perfectly justifiable if it brings you joy.

Okay, fine, a LITTLE bit of poll analysis

I said I didn't want to dig into the results, but I think we can all agree that "The monarchy is fine, but city-states like Rivendell aren't" getting 0.3% of the vote while "City-states are fine, but Galadriel should face re-election every 500 years" got 10.2% is pretty interesting, right? Can we get a Political Science major in here to dive into that result?

And how about the notion that monarchies are great so long as you like the guy in charge (17.2%)? And yeah, the Shire has democracy, but it's limited and both Merry and Pippin are part of aristocratic lines and inherit (not earn) positions of power...

Apparently even when I'm depressed, I just can't help but be interested in data. It is a sickness gift.

Finally, I'll leave you with these tags from @narcissusneverknewme:

#honestly this is a case of 'any system can fall to corruption'#our government sucks not bc it's a democracy but because its corrupt at every level of governance#lol#the bureaucracy and the fact they can just lie to citizens and do horrible harm. like red hill#or flint mi#this wouldn't happen under aragorn#not bc he's a king but bc he isn't corrupt