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archiveikemen · 3 months ago

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Liam Evans 2nd Birthday Campaign: Story

Chapters 1—3

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

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One night, a few hours before his birthday.

Liam: Are you ready, Kate?

Kate: Yes, sorry for keeping you waiting.

I thought back to something that happened a few nights ago—.

= Flashback Start =

Kate: Nn…

Liam: Sorry, did I wake you?

I was woken up by Liam’s gentle voice as he climbed into bed like a cat.

Kate: It’s okay, welcome back.

I reached my arms out to hug him and my eyes narrowed from the feeling of his body warmth, when—

Kate: … You smell nice.

There was a delicious smell coming from his clothes.

Kate: Did you eat something, Liam?

It wasn’t the first time he went out at night.

(Before we started dating, it seemed that he had to regularly go outside and satisfy his curiosity.)

(But after we started dating, he did that less frequently and stopped doing dangerous things.)

I thought that going out at night was a way for him to distract himself a little because he couldn’t sleep, but…

(Why did he come back smelling this delicious…?)

Liam: I didn't eat anything… maybe the smell from the food stalls clung to me.

Liam: There’s a nighttime event happening in London for a week, starting from today.

Liam: I passed through the market where the food stalls were, so I think that's why I smell like them.

Liam: The smell must be bothering you. Sorry, I’ll leave right away.

I grabbed his hand as he was about to get off the bed and buried my face in his clothes.

Kate: … Now I’m hungry.

I couldn't help but laugh. He happily hugged me again and narrowed his eyes tenderly.

Kate: I wish I went with you.

Liam: I wanted to go with you too.

Liam: How about we go together?

…

Liam: Shall we get going?

As we walked hand in hand, I recalled the conversation we had about his birthday present.

(Knowing how he is, I didn’t expect Liam to directly say what he wanted…)

Liam said that going out together was his birthday present.

(But I still want to make him happy and give him something.)

After giving it some thought, I had an idea and decided to put it into action.

…

Kate: Wow…!

The bustling market lined with various stalls lit up the night.

Liam: There may be a lot of people here, but it’s still night time. Don’t stray too far from me, okay?

He took my hand, and we walked along the street filled with delicious smells and cheerful sounds.

Kate: They have alcohol, fish and chips, pie, and even scones.

Liam: They’re selling sausages and other meat dishes too.

Kate: And there’s gelato over there!

We chatted happily while exploring the stalls, but—

Liam: Ah, I thought you’d like this pie, Kate.

Liam: Those limited edition cookies over there look lovely, I think you’ll like them too.

Liam: These cocktails are low in alcohol content, so they're suitable for you to drink.

Kate: … You sure know a lot, don't you, Liam?

He scratched his cheek and smiled bashfully, narrowing his eyes.

Liam: I memorised those things because I’m always thinking about you.

(I truly am the luckiest person alive…)

His words brought me joy, and his actions conveyed his love for me.

Liam: How is it? Does it taste good?

I nodded repeatedly with a mouth full of meat pie.

Seeing this, he looked satisfied and ate his pie, however—

Kate: Liam, you have something on your mouth…

Liam: Kate, you have something on your mouth…

Both of us reached out at the exact same time to brush away the crumbs from the corners of each other’s mouths.

Our eyes met and we blinked at each other in silence.

It was him who burst out laughing first.

Liam: Haha! We were thinking the same thing.

Kate: Fufu, even our timing was the same.

Liam: We might really be getting increasingly similar to each other recently.

Kate: We even bought the same food the other day.

When I went home with new items from the bakery, I saw him waiting for me with the same items.

When I was mentioning places I wanted to go on dates, he suggested the exact same spots…

(I feel so much joy whenever such things happen.)

After laughing together for a while, he caressed my cheek.

Liam: … I guess this is what they call “feeling blessed”.

Liam: It looks like our worlds revolve around each other.

Liam: I can’t contain my happiness whenever I realise that.

I wrapped my hand over the one caressing my cheek and lowered my gaze.

Kate: I feel happy and blessed too.

Kate: Wonderful, isn’t it? We’re always thinking about each other.

We smiled and gently embraced each other,

Liam: … You’re a natural at making me happy, Kate.

Kate: Fufu… and you’re a natural at making me happy.

The sound of his laughter in my ear filled me with joy once again.

Liam: I feel like kidnapping you right this instant and take you straight to bed.

Kate: Before you do that, I want to buy a cake first.

Liam: Could it be… my birthday cake?

Kate: Yes. Shall we choose one together?

I was sure he would be happy with anything if I were the one choosing or baking it.

(But Liam isn’t a fan of sweets, so it might be better to get a smaller cake.)

Liam: … Yeah, I want to choose one together with you.

Kate: There’s a cake shop over there.

Kate: Let’s go, Liam.

The way he squinted as if dazzled by a bright light the moment I took his hand left an impression on me.

= Flashback End =

Kate: … Liam, you’re upset, aren't you?

He paced around with light, cat-like steps while carrying me in his arms and suddenly stopped.

Liam: I’m not.

His lips didn't form a smile, causing me to feel guilty and reflect on my actions a few hours ago.

= Flashback Start =

Kate: This is all we could get. Are you really okay with it, Liam?

Liam: Yeah. I like this cake better, actually.

The cake shop had such a busy day that only small cupcakes were left.

(This is a little too plain for a birthday cake…)

While I was thinking of wanting to somehow bring a birthday feeling to the moment, something caught my eye.

Kate: Liam, I’m going to get a little something from that shop over there.

Not wanting to disturb him while he was browsing other shops, I let go of his hand after saying that.

He frantically tried holding my hand again, but—

Kate: It’s okay, the shop’s just over there.

Since the shop was only a short distance away, I started walking towards it before he could grab my hand.

The instant I turned around after buying what I wanted,

Kate: … Liam?

There was a sudden crowd of people passing by and before I knew it, he was out of my sight.

Just as I was desperately searching for him in the crowd, I felt my body being lifted off the ground…

= Flashback End =

(We somehow managed to reunite and return home, but…)

According to the hands on the clock, it was almost dawn. Yet, I still hadn't been able to say happy birthday to him.

As I was gently set down on the edge of the bed, I glaced up at him standing in front of me.

Seeing the sadness in his eyes caused guilt to well up in me again.

Liam: … Had I held your hand properly, you wouldn't have gotten lost.

= Flashback Start =

Liam: There may be a lot of people here, but it’s still night time. Don’t stray too far from me, okay?

= Flashback End =

(I should've known that Liam would put the blame on himself instead of me.)

Feeling ashamed of myself, I once again held the hand I had let go off.

Kate: It’s not your fault, Liam! … I’m so sorry for worrying you.

His voice was trembling as he hugged me tightly, his eyes shaking.

Liam: Don’t ever leave my side again.

Kate: … Okay.

While we were feeling each other's warmth,

Liam: ah…

He noticed the time and pulled away.

Liam: I didn’t realise it at all.

I took a cupcake and something else out of a paper bag and lit it.

It was a candle in the shape of a rose.

Kate: Happy birthday, Liam.

His eyes wavered as he accepted the cupcake.

Kate: I’m so happy to celebrate your birthday again this year.

Kate: Thank you for being born.

Liam: … You left to buy this?

I nodded with a wry smile, and he bit his lip before smiling softly and closing his eyes.

Liam: … Thank you, Kate.

Bit by bit, he started speaking the words he had been hiding in his heart.

Liam: Before I met you, I was always afraid of celebrating my birthday.

Liam: I used to think that as long as I never know what this happiness feels like, I won’t feel sad when it disappears.

I was reminded of the things he said when sharing his true feelings on his birthday last year.

= Flashback Start =

Liam: I… I was terrified of being celebrated… and knowing how it feels to have a birthday with you in it…

Liam: I was foolish and all I could think of was the possibility of me losing all of that… it scared me.

Liam: But if I keep running away… I’ll be trampling all over your kindness and feelings.

Liam: I don't have any other option but to choose this moment, because I just love you so much.

= Flashback End =

The rose-shaped candle melted away, like it was shedding one petal at a time.

Liam: … There might come a day when, like this candle, all these happy moments will melt away.

Liam: But I can’t go back to spending birthdays without you, and I don't think I can ever let go of your hand.

He blew out the candle and it turned into something shaped like a flower bud.

Liam: Next year, the year after that, and until the day I die… will you celebrate my birthday by my side?

He brushed his finger across my lips as he made a wish for a future we had yet to see.

Kate: … Of course I will. I’ll be right here by your side, celebrating your birthday even if you say you don’t want me to.

Kate: I’ll keep doing that until the day you can finally say from the bottom of your heart that you’re glad you were born.

I heard a slight gasp as I pressed the cupcake to his lips.

Kate: Let’s eat, Liam.

(Liam still struggles with his birthday.)

I can’t save the person who lived through his painful past.

(I sometimes find myself wondering why couldn’t we have met sooner…)

(But I’m sure there’s a reason for us to only meet now.)

It's because I’ve set my heart on loving all his past wounds and living by his side.

Liam: … Kate.

Kate: Nn.

He stole a kiss from my lips after taking a bite of the cupcake.

Liam: Is it sweet?

Kate: … It became sweeter because of you.

He kicked the cream from the corners of my mouth, looking amused—.

Liam: I’m not a fan of sweets, but I want to see more of your sweet expressions.

He deepened the kiss and we fell onto the bed.

Kate: Liam, wait a second.

Liam: I can’t wait anymore.

He undid the ribbon at the back of my shirt, causing it to fall off my shoulders.

As he took off my skirt, he reached for his own shirt as well.

Liam: I want you right now.

I was enveloped by the sweet smell of vanilla, tempting me to give into him on the spot, but—.

Kate: I want to give you your present!

I slipped out from under him and reached under the bed.

Liam: … Don’t tell me, you’ve been hiding it there?

I lifted up a large paper bag with two hands and showed it to him, who was still in shock on the bed.

Kate: You never noticed, did you?

(It was the right decision to hide it before we headed out.)

Kate: Now close your eyes.

Following my instructions, he closed his eyes. I stood on the bed and swiftly ripped open the paper bag.

Liam: Wha…

He looked up and at the same time, a shower of flower petals rained down on him.

Liam: Wow… petals!?

The pink petals fell over his head like blessings, scattering onto the white sheets.

In an instant, Liam and the bed were covered in petals. I couldn't contain my smile of satisfaction.

Kate: These are the petals of the modern roses you’ve always been giving me.

Kate: I thought of expressing my gratitude by giving you a bouquet.

Kate: But apparently, pink roses have another meaning to them.

Liam: Another meaning…?

I picked up one petal from his head.

Kate: It means “happiness”.

Kate: I wanted to shower you with petals signifying gratitude and happiness, because you’ve given me an abundance of them.

Sitting on the bed surrounded by the smell of roses, he fell silent for a moment before chuckling and squinting his eyes as though faced with a bright light.

Liam: I truly am so blessed.

I leaned in and was about to kiss his forehead covered with rose petals, when—

Kate: Whoa!

Liam: Are you okay!?

I slipped and fell right into his chest.

Kate: T-this is embarrassing…

I got on my knees to support my body, he wrapped one arm around my waist and cupped my cheek with the other.

When I lifted my head, I saw that the light of dawn was starting to shine into the room.

Liam: I’ve always wanted to be a star.

Still smiling, he started to speak.

Liam: I thought that everyone would love me if I shined brightly enough. But then I realised, I can’t just turn into a star.

Liam: Because today, you’re the one shining so bright. I’ve always thought so, but you’re especially dazzling today.

(Ah…)

I recalled noticing him gazing at me while squinting his eyes as though dazzled by a bright light.

Liam: You gave me love that was once so out of reach for me, and made my days so bright with happiness that it’s almost terrifying.

Liam: The name of the brightest star in my world is Kate. It shines so brightly and is precious to me beyond words.

Liam: It’s you.

His smile as his joy and love overflowed was so bright, it made me squint my eyes.

There was a star right there before my eyes.

Kate: For me, you’re that star, Liam.

Kate: The person who brings me so much joy and love… you’re my brightest star.

We laughed together and it was soon dawn.

Liam: Well then, because I want to hold onto my brightest star…

With the arm wrapped around my waist, he gently laid me down onto the bed and I rested my body against his.

Liam: Even after the night fades into day, stay shining in my arms.

My heart hammered against my chest as I closed my eyes and waited for a kiss.

— We were each other’s brightest stars, shining brightly through our love.

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cirilla-fiona-riannon · 1 year ago

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Our Love Will Remain the Same, Even as the World Changes

These translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Please support Cybird by buying their stories. Expect grammatical errors.

One night sometime after I came to live at the Obsidian Castle一

Lying side by side on the bed and talking had become our recent routine. Gilbert, who was gently playing with my hair with his fingertips, suddenly looked up.

Gilbert: "You being in this room has become completely normal, hasn't it?"

Gilbert: "How about you? Have you gotten used to living here?"

Emma: "Yup. I think I'm getting used to it."

Gilbert: "Yeah? Are there any problems or things you feel are lacking?"

Emma: "No problems in particular. As for things that are lacking..."

(I wonder if something happened.)

I glanced around the room and thought about our everyday life.

Gilbert: "If there's anything you want, just let me know."

Gilbert: "Whether it's jewelry, a mansion, a city, or even a country, I'll give you anything you want.

(City and country!?)

I couldn’t help but widen my eyes at the sheer scale of what he just said. However, if he really wanted to, he could easily do any of these things.

Emma: "No, it’s okay. I don’t need anything more. It’s more than enough!"

(If by some mistake he actually gives me a city or a country, I wouldn't know what to do!)

With that thought in mind, I vigorously declined his offer.

Gilbert: "Really?"

Yet he still seemed somewhat dissatisfied.

(Maybe I need to give him a convincing reason.)

With that thought, I nodded in agreement.

Emma: "It's true. Just being by your side is enough for me."

Gilbert: "Really?"

Emma: "Yes."

Gilbert: "You're so selfless."

He happily narrowed his eyes as he twirled my hair around his fingers.

Emma: "I'm just being honest."

Gilbert: "I know. I just wanted to hear those words from you."

He smiled wickedly.

Emma: "That's just like you."

Gilbert: "Ahaha! Don't sulk."

Gilbert: "I just wanted to feel that you want me more than anything else."

(This guy is really hopeless. But...)

I couldn't bring myself to dislike him for that. Eventually, my expression naturally softened.

Emma: "Did it go according to your plan?"

Gilbert: "Yes, very much."

With a satisfied smile, he pulled me closer.

Gilbert: "You fell for a troublesome man, huh?"

Emma: "Yeah, yet I'm still here."

Gilbert: "Ahaha! Is that so? You really like troublesome men."

Emma: "Maybe I do. I never knew that until I fell in love with you."

Gilbert: "Hmm, I see. Then, from now on, I'll become even more troublesome."

Emma: "What?"

He lifted my arms together and pressed his lips against the nape of my neck.

Emma: "............"

His teeth scraped against my skin, causing a slight stinging sensation.

I couldn't see it, but it must have left a mark.

Gilbert: "You ended up being loved by a villain, so don't expect a peaceful life."

Gilbert: "But I'll do my best to make you think that even this kind of daily life isn't so bad. Fufu."

Looking down at me with a playful smile, he slowly undressed my nightgown and teasingly licked my exposed breast with his tongue, causing my body to shiver.

Gilbert: "Nice view."

Emma: "Prince Gilbert, please let me go."

Gilbert: "Do I look like the kind of man who would let go when told to?"

Emma: "That's..."

(I can't tell. I guess not...?)

Finding my hesitation amusing, he burst out laughing and released the hands he had been holding down.

Gilbert: "Here, I let you go since you're special."

Emma: "Thanks."

Gilbert: "You're welcome. Since I listened to your request, what will you do for me in return?"

(I knew it would come to this.)

I wasn't by this troublesome man's side for nothing.

I wrapped my newly freed arms around his back and hugged him.

Emma: "I'll do this."

Gilbert: "Heh?"

Emma: "Instead of being forced, I will express my love to you willingly."

Gilbert: "That makes me happy. It was worth setting you free."

I kissed him on the lips, and he reciprocated.

Gilbert: "Fufu. It’s nice to feel that you truly love me."

Gilbert: "From now on, I want you to continue wanting me like this. Otherwise..."

Emma: "Otherwise?"

Gilbert: "I might take away your freedom and make it physically impossible for you to leave me."

I couldn't decide if he was joking, but he was smiling cheerfully.

(This guy is really a pain in the ass.)

As Gilbert said, I couldn't hope for a warm and peaceful life here.

(And yet, even at this moment, he looks at me earnestly as if he yearns for me.)

(That's why I still want to be by his side.)

The more I stayed close to him, the more his charm captivated me.

Despite him being troublesome and difficult to deal with, I couldn't seem to stay away.

With that thought in mind, we shared another kiss.

⊳ Ikepri Masterlist

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ais-n · 7 years ago

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Editing (and writing) tips

I recently got a question asking about writing tips in general, and especially related to editing. For privacy reasons, as usual, I won’t name the person–but I’m writing a post here instead of replying directly because 1) I always ramble like fuuuuuuuck and 2) maybe someone else out there is curious about the same thing from my perspective.

First, as always, I’m obviously not a professional. You’ll definitely want to go with what professionals say, if anything goes against my thoughts. But for what it’s worth, I helped a family member edit her book and a professional who worked with her on the book was really impressed with my feedback. Which I am not saying to pat myself on the back; I say only to mention that maybe, hopefully, some of this is useful and not totally leading people down the wrong path lol

If it’s easier for you to read this on another site, or if it doesn’t let you click the “read more” link, you can find this entire post also on my blog here: https://aisness.wordpress.com/2017/07/04/editing-and-writing-tips/

Writing

I have some posts on writing advice here: http://ais-n.tumblr.com/tagged/writing-advice — and there should be some that Santino and/or I wrote under “writing questions” here: https://aisness.wordpress.com/2016/05/01/icos-master-list-feb-2016-edition (Note that there may be some overlap between the two links, also I’m not sure if all those links still work–if you see any specifically that don’t, let me know).

I have lots of thoughts on writing, but they’re all pretty informed by my personal writing style which is very much aimed toward writing what makes sense for that story and those characters, and “rules” be damned. I don’t like the idea of confining oneself to expectations if it interferes with the natural, organic progression of a story. That does mean I tend to go pretty hardcore into stuff I write because if I’m writing a dark story, I’m not going to pull punches; and I tend to add a fair amount of darkness into my stories because it doesn’t feel realistic to me otherwise. But this also means my style doesn’t work for people who want to feel like they always know what’s coming or at least know the limits to which the story will go. After all, as we’ve seen, you cannot trust me to not totally fuck up a character because it feels like the right progression for me. And that’s not fun for some people to read, you know? But it’s super hard for me to write a more chill story because it’s not the kind of story I tend to read. I try to do it and then I get bored, but other people can do that same concept and story in a fantastically beautiful way and really excel at it.

What I mean by this aside is that I have maybe a bit of an odd viewpoint on writing stories compared to some more traditional or mainstream views, so that may make me a terrible person to ask for thoughts for you, or it may make me someone who vibes better with your personal style. I think it’s most important we’re all genuine to ourselves so whatever writing style works for you is the perfect style for your stories. There’s a story out there for every occasion, every voice, every idea, every feeling.

There is no right or wrong way to write; in my opinion, the only way you can do anything “wrong” is by not believing in your own personal voice, your own personal style; by silencing your individuality if it doesn’t fit the stronger, louder voice. If it does fit, that’s perfect and you should run with it. If it doesn’t, don’t change yourself or your world or characters or story into something it isn’t. That feeling of dissonance will be what is taken away from your story instead of the story itself, at least to readers like me. Because I do believe what Maya Angelou said is true: people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. In my personal opinion both as a reader and a writer, I think that applies to stories as well.

I also think research is really important but I guess that’s a whole other thing. I’m getting too much into writing tips right now so I’ll leave it at this and the linked posts above — but if anyone is curious about anything in particular, let me know. If you’d be curious about my personal thoughts on anything, I’m happy to answer

Editing:

Editing is a pain, but also kind of fun. I have a few thoughts on it– most of what I’m first talking about below is you editing your own work. I touch a little on editing someone else’s work afterward.

**Read or edit for the overall flow as much (or IMO more) than you do the specific grammatical nitpicking. I know that’s going to go against what a lot of people feel about editing, but here’s the thing: stories are translations of the heart, whether it’s the heart of the overall story, the heart of the writer, the heart of the characters, the heart of the reader, the heart of whatever it represents. To me, a story is poetry on a larger scale, or it’s a song, or it’s whatever artistic endeavor that represents something that, to you, feels moving or meaningful.

Yes, it’s important that we understand what you’re trying to say. For that, yes, having someone check the grammar is definitely useful.

But the rules of grammar are not the rules of language. That may sound like an odd thing to say because, yeah, technically it is– but think about when you’re learning a new language. If it’s anything like when I’ve taken classes in the multiple languages I’ve taken classes in, the teacher tells you all the specific grammatical rules so you’re speaking properly, politely, in complete sentences with all the correct intonation and all the right tenses. You can definitely get your thoughts across if you learn a language that way, in that people will understand the concept of what you’re saying because you are literally speaking textbook to them.

But then think about your native language. Do you speak or type grammatically correct all the time? Do you avoid contractions, run-on sentences, do you not indulge in hyperbole, do you not have fun dropping an Oxford comma or two? If you’re feeling an intense emotion, aren’t you even more likely to play the strings of the language you know best? Changing vocabulary to emphasize meaning or form, adding intensity in your tone or your chosen verbal attack, throwing in swear words or cutting your sentences in half then in half again and again until it’s just partial words because you’re too upset or excited or something else to properly form a complete sentence?

There may be people out there who don’t do this, I don’t know. But for me, this is how I function, and it seems to me how a lot of people around me function. We rarely speak perfectly politely, perfectly properly, in our native tongue 100% of the time. Even languages built very much on the concept of polite and proper, even cultures with a clear sense of in group vs out group, have variations set in place in their language to indicate intimacy, friendship, a sense of understanding. Those levels are there so we can share that connection with others in something as simple as the word we choose when we call them, or the name we use when they come close.

To me, stories are like levels of language. There are different ways of telling the stories based on the story that’s being told. If it’s a character who’s distant or cold, or a setting that requires a sense of detachment, writing in very proper, polite, grammatically perfect sentences makes sense because it provides that sense of out group you would get in your native tongue. If it’s a story that should feel visceral, cloying, catastrophically vulnerable, then it’s meaningful to write in an ebb and flow of emotion dependent on the feeling of the character or the feeling the writer wants to create within the reader. Words breathe life into the story they relay, so the chosen words matter. Most of the time, I think stories benefit from a variation in the telling of them; perfect in some places, very imperfect in others, a constant reflection of the tapestry of emotions and motion in the world or story itself, or a view into the mind of the character displayed.

So, although it’s important to have someone who can help with any egregious and unhelpful grammatical mistakes, or spelling errors or the like, I also don’t think that should be the primary focus. It’s the sort of thing that’s important to take into account so that no poor wording accidentally jolts the reader from the story, but it shouldn’t be the be all and end all because that could result in losing the more emotional flow needed for what the story is trying to get across.

I think of it like this: writers are the translators for a character’s life. How would the characters feel at different points in the story, and therefore how best can that be worded to make the reader feel the same way reading it? How can you make the reader feel like they are experiencing that same emotion the character is feeling? That’s the best way to bring alive a world or plot or character, in my mind: by making it real.

**Read, reread, reread again, but leave time in between. One of the best things I think you can do right after you finish writing a story is set it aside and do not touch it or think about it for a time period that makes sense for the length of story you wrote, or whatever makes sense for you as a person. I like to give it at least a week, and if it’s a story I worked on for a long time, maybe even months.

Obviously you have to go according to if you have a deadline or not, or whatever other factors are affecting you in your life and situation. If it’s a short story, okay then maybe you really only need to set it aside for a day or a few hours before getting back in there. But if it’s something you labored on at length, you need to give yourself a clarity you can’t achieve by immediately starting over at the top. I wrote Incarnations over the course of 20 years, for example, and I ended up finishing it in October 2016, set it aside for most of November and December, did the occasional spot checking and spot editing throughout through February or March 2017, and didn’t really fully reread it until May 2017. Now it’s going into July 2017, and I’m still editing it again, I just started rereading from the start, and I’m still finding things that can use improvement. But I’m happy about it, because the improvements I’m seeing are ones that I think are valuable, and they’re things I obviously didn’t notice any of the many times I reread these early chapters in the years preceding this month.

So, finish your story and then push it aside and don’t think about it right away. Do other things. I like to watch TV shows I like, play games that are fun, turn to manga, whatever it is that relaxes you and may also inspire you, without being too closely connected to the source material (aka, your book) where it won’t let you fully get that distance. That’s why I like to use other media like movies, TV shows, etc, instead of other books because it’s too easy to fall back into a comparative mindset on something too parallel.

That sounds a little crazy, I know, but you could send it off to other people in that interim if that makes sense to you. (That’s what I did — in October when I finished Incarnations, I sent it to my 4 betas which then gave them plenty of time to look it over in the months I was laying low. And just in late June I got another beta who is looking at the whole thing with fresh eyes, which is good because now she has the copy of the book that included all the improvements I made between myself and my betas’ suggestions.) I think it’s important to have that break, whether you send it to others or simply set it aside for no one to read for some time. You don’t want to go so long that you never pick it up again, but you want to give yourself time to distance yourself from all the decisions big and small you made in the course of writing it.

The reason for this is so that when you go back and reread it from beginning to end, you are looking at it with fresh eyes. You’re going to be more likely to notice things that need fixing that way; whether it’s a poorly done transition, or maybe an idea on how to improve a whole section, or maybe you realize you need to remove this piece so that another part shines. Ideally, you will want to reread a few times, and give yourself some space again in between at some point.

You will always find things you missed or things that need to be improved, no matter how many times you reread and edit it, no matter how many people look at it. Stories are living, breathing evolutions of the heart. They will always feel both very right and very wrong, because they will always strike you a little different every time you review them.

**Save everything! This is another suggestion that probably a lot of people will disagree with, but personally I’m a pack rat. I keep all the old versions of everything I ever write, because I find it helpful sometimes to pull inspiration from the past, or to double check that I made the right decision on this or that. Or sometimes in the course of editing and rereading and reviewing, you’ll realize that a scene you wrote previously that you removed is one that still keeps coming back to you.

That happened with me in Incarnations, to give you an example to explain what I mean. As I mentioned, I’ve been working on that book on and off for 20 years. In the course of that time, I kept writing new beginnings to the book, doing random new scenes, trying to find something to jumpstart my interest in a story I loved but a book that was hard for me to write. In one of those incarnations (no pun intended ;p), I had a scene of some characters walking into a town, and the way that town felt to the POV character. I actually wrote probably 3 or 4 versions of this same scene, from different POVs, of them walking into this town. I really liked the scene, and I really wanted that scene to start the book for a long time, and for a long time it did.

At some point I chose a different character’s POV as the main scene, and then eventually I decided to cut out that scene entirely and take pieces of it with the same POV character but write a totally different scenario. So I ended up scrapping that entire start of a chapter I had. I know many people who would simply delete that because it isn’t relevant anymore, but being a pack rat, I didn’t.

Years passed and I got to the point in the book where all the characters go to that town. But because of the way I was jumping back and forth chronologically between character POVs, I decided to totally scrap the scene of them entering the town, and instead you would see them heading toward it, then the next time you saw them they would have been there for hours and there would be a recap in narration of what happened up until that point. I felt like that was fine in writing it and editing it and that’s what I did. But then, after I gave myself those months of not rereading it front to back, after I gave myself time to spot check other parts, when I reread it with fresh eyes I felt like it was jarring having that time skip.

I needed to add back in a scene of them entering the town; of the impact it had on them. If I had deleted that scene for good, it would have been incredibly frustrating for me because I remembered liking what I’d had before, I remembered having most of it written out, I knew it would be so much faster to find that and add it back in and edit it for flow instead of rewriting from scratch. And because I keep everything, because I use Scrivener where everything is in one place, because I have it organized just well enough for me to know where to find the folder of old chapters and old chapter parts, it was easy for me to find that scene, incorporate it into a new chapter, and edit out the narration info dump in the other chapter that had thrown off the flow.

When you’re on your 3rd, 4th, 20th time of rereading or editing a story, it’s way too frustrating to think about having to write something completely new. It feels like, come on, I should be over that part, I should have the freedom to not have to totally write a brand new chapter. But you may find that previous ideas you had actually do work better to bring back into the fold instead of leaving out. If you delete everything you did along the way, you will double or triple your frustration at the point you need it. And if you’re anything like me, you may delay yourself significantly in going forward because you’ll be too frustrated by your lack of forethought to want to deal with what you need to do in the present.

You may find you never reuse your old bits and pieces–you may think, that doesn’t apply to me, if I delete something I know I want it gone for good, I don’t care about what it was before because if I need to add something I want to add something brand new. That may be how you function so that may work wonderfully and therefore, you may be tempted to delete things just so you get it out of your way. I would still recommend saving everything, for an entirely different reason as well. It’s nice to see where you were, to know where you are now. It can be good for yourself to see how you used to write so you can see your improvements.

But even more than that, if your story ever makes it big or even has a meaningful impact on one other person, they may really appreciate having that insight into how the story started vs what it became. I know I personally like having that insight for myself, and for stories I enjoy I always love to have all the drafts and tidbits and whatever else I can find, because it makes the world feel even more real to me. It can be inspirational to other people, or it can simply be a fun extra for a story or world they adore.

Think about JKR — think of all the people who would love to have the airplane bag she wrote the Hogwarts houses on first, or the notepads she originally wrote the plot ideas on, because Harry Potter is important to them. She may have seen those as something to throw away back then, in the case of the airplane bags something literally made to be discarded, and yeah it was just ink on a throwaway bag. But it was the beginning of something so much more. She can never get back that bag if she throws it out, but if she keeps it, it can be a constant reminder to her of where she started and where she is now, or an inspiration to other writers that you don’t need all the biggest and best programs and computers and training to write. You just need a story you want to tell, and a means to write it down.

**Notes are great. Speaking of notes, I think they’re great! I use Scrivener when I’m writing, and it helps soooooo much in editing too. One of the things I do as I write and edit and reread is I’m constantly leaving comments to myself in the story. I leave comments about “this is what’s happening in the background of this scene” or “this is what’s meaningful about this particular wording from the character” or “this is what that means even though it won’t come up for a long time” or “why did I do this? check if I want to keep it” or “hey I just got a great idea on how I can incorporate this into a future idea, note to self remember to add this in later” and so on and so forth. Because I’m wordy as fuck, some of those comments are basically a short story on their own. But they give me so much more context than I would have otherwise had, and there have been many times that I totally forgot about the significance of something, only to see it mentioned in a comment and say to myself, “Oh hey! That’s actually really cool…”

When editing, those comments are invaluable to help remind me of what I was thinking when I first wrote something. Also, it helps me see if something bugged me in previous rereading or editing, so that I can decide if I do eventually want to delete or change a part or if I want to keep it. It lets me compare my current editing thoughts against previous editing or writing thoughts, which gives me a much more faceted view of every step along the way.

**Have beta readers, ideally from different perspectives. I think having multiple, trusted people read your story is important after you’ve finished it. They will have an outside perspective you won’t, and they may notice things you missed. They may have great ideas for improvement that wouldn’t have occurred to you, and they may have feedback for some of the ideas you had that just aren’t working for them as readers. You want that variance of view because it will give you a much more faceted experience of your story than you would get if you only look at it yourself, or only choose yes men as your feedback.

**Find a critic. Along the lines of beta readers, it’s important to have betas who will read the story for the overall flow, the overall emotional impact, and give you feedback on that. How did the story make them feel? How did the characters connect or not connect with them, and why? These are important factors in a story. And yeah, maybe this character shouldn’t be connecting with readers, maybe that’s the whole point– but then that gives you a good idea that you were on the right track with how you wrote that.

But you can never improve if you only seek out people who will tell you all the great things you’re doing, and none of the bad. No story is perfect, there is no book that can’t be improved. You don’t want to get all the way to the point of releasing the story and only then find all the flaws in it, where it becomes a criticism on a grander scale and can even affect word of mouth, or whether or not people choose to read it. You will never make it perfect, but it’s good to know ahead of time what people may fault the story for, so you have time to determine if you find fault in that as well and want to fix it, or if for you it’s something that is there purposefully, that shouldn’t change, at which point you will have a better answer ready for when the questions come about why this or why that.

Find someone who will constructively criticize your story–someone who will nitpick details, challenge the rules of the world, ask you to explain or justify why this or that choice was made. You should be able to answer all those questions, give reasons for all those challenges. If you can’t, that gives you a really good view of the parts of your story that may need improvement, or perhaps areas that don’t flow well with the rest.

Find the level of critic that makes sense for what you’re doing. If you’re doing a fun little story that isn’t a serious endeavor, then you don’t need someone who will rip it to shreds because that may not be the point of the story. But if you’re writing an epic series with an intricate plot, it would behoove you to get that other perspective that will be pulling apart the story as they read to give you clues to what thoughts may be going through a reader’s mind, and what needs to be added, changed, or removed to improve that experience.

Again, it’s important this person gives you constructive criticism — just being told you write like shit isn’t helpful. You need someone who will pinpoint problem areas and tell you why and how it needs help. Ideally, that person will also be a great bouncing board for you to figure out solutions to those problems.

**Follow critical people. Another thing I like to do is find people who do constructive criticism of books we all know or love; popular series, indie series, it doesn’t matter. There are writers, editors, critics, etc, out there who post about why they did or didn’t like this or that thing. You need to find someone who is fair about it; who doesn’t just rip into everything to be a jerk, but who will constructively address issues they see in stories in whatever media they follow.

Having them go through stories we all know can be really useful, because then you have something to compare against as a fellow reader. Do you agree with their criticism or assessment of this story or that plot or this character? Why or why not? Do you never agree with their criticisms, or do you mostly agree but sometimes not? That will give you a really good idea of where they’re coming from in their own perspective when they’re looking at stories, so then you know how to interpret recommendations they give generally or specifically in stories they’re reading.

You can then look at what they’re saying about these books you have also read, what they see as the problems and what they see as the solutions, and then apply that mindset to your own story and try to see from the perspective they would have for your work. What do you think they would say needs to change? What do you think they would say is the reason? Do you agree? How can you adjust it so that their criticism wouldn’t apply but that you still feel comfortable you are keeping the story real to its needs?

One of my favorite people who does this is Whitley over at http://readingwithavengeance.com/. She also has a whole section on writing tips or thoughts here: http://readingwithavengeance.com/tagged/on-writing. What I like about Whitley is she’s funny and snarky in places, but she isn’t mean. She explains why she feels how she feels, she will be very critical of things that make no sense to her, but she gives suggestions for how it might have been improved, and even in a book she loathes she will always say if this or that line or part or plot point actually is done well. Also, she usually overviews what’s happening and often goes chapter by chapter, so you could read an entire book through her criticisms alone, and know everything that happened in the book while also knowing how she felt about it. It’s sort of like having director commentary for a book, only it’s critic commentary. I used to religiously follow her blog and haven’t as much lately only because I’m on tumblr less, but I do love her perspective from when I followed her in the past. I actually was going to hire her to review Incarnations, but the book is so long that it would cost me a fortune to have her look at it, which is a shame because I think she would have a wonderful perspective. But speaking of, some of the people who are critics like Whitley actually can be hired as an editor of your book–consider that as an option if it makes sense for you.

But you don’t have to agree with Whitley–I mention her as an example of someone I personally really like, but you may like someone else. Point being, find that person who resonates with you, see what issues they have with stories they are critiquing, and turn that critical thinking onto your own story to see if you fall into the same tropes as that book and if so, see if you think it can be improved.

**Don’t be afraid to change things, and don’t be afraid to keep things. Make the story true to the world, the characters, and you; don’t compromise anything that’s really important to you to keep, just because someone says it doesn’t meet expectations or genre rules or whatever other explanation. But also don’t just dismiss what they’re saying because you don’t like it; really consider their feedback, their point of view, their suggestions. If it’s something that’s too important to keep, then even if they recommend you remove it, figure out a compromise that lets you keep what you want to keep without detracting from the quality of the overall story. Value their contributions and their viewpoint without replacing your own with theirs simply because you’re insecure.

**Don’t see editing as an extended means of failure. Don’t see editing as something that is only showing you your failures. If there are a lot of mistakes in your story, if a lot of things need to be changed, if you feel like in the end you’re changing more than you’re keeping–none of this is indicative of failure, and so you shouldn’t feel down about it. It’s all about improving the rough edges of your story so it can truly shine, and in that way it will not detract from the characters or world or plot it covers.

Constructive criticism and beta readers can provide an invaluable source of feedback, but it’s also important you ask them to tell you what does work. You need to know where you did well for the story, and where it can be improved. But know that improving something isn’t showing you failed in the original writing of it; it only means you wrote something well enough that people understood where you wanted to go with it, but you didn’t have the other perspectives yet on how to take it there even further. We are all human beings with our own singular POV. That’s why it’s important to get those other thoughts, to help us expand our view. We still did a great job in the original writing of it no matter how much needs to change, because we still wrote it. We still got something out there into the world that wasn’t there before. We still became the voice for that world or character. All we’re doing now is finding a way to polish that voice so more people on a larger scale understand it better.

**Don’t let the rules rule you. There is a risk of me sounding a bit sassy in this section and I genuinely don’t mean to, but this happens to be a major frustration I have generally in life which comes out pretty well in this concept. I feel like I see people reference this idea of genre expectations sometimes in writing, and I don’t get it. I know, I know, I probably am the odd one out on this; I probably have a strange perspective that the professionals would say is all wrong. Maybe they’re right, or maybe I just don’t understand what people are trying to say. But the way I interpret this concept I’ve seen– that you have to fit certain rules to be “successful”–it’s just… it’s something that is so against the way I feel about life that it’s hard for me to reconcile.

The thing is, stories shouldn’t be cookie cutter. Sometimes they can fall into that mindset if everyone is so concerned with meeting the rules placed upon them that they aren’t following the rules or flow of their own world or story.

I personally feel like the library would be a pretty boring place if literally every book checked all the boxes and stayed in the boundaries of its particular genre. There’s no room for innovation there; no room for growth as a writer. At least, not for me for the way I write. Maybe for others, the boundaries of a genre don’t at all feel like all any sort of inhibitor for the story they can and will write, and so for them it probably makes a lot of sense to look at those rules and follow them because it may give them some parameters to start with for the story they want to write. I’m not saying people are wrong for following those rules or expectations if it works well for them; they should do whatever is most comfortable for them, most accurate to their ideals or tendencies. There are probably some phenomenal books out there that very much follow the rules of the genre, that stay within the boundaries, because those stories fit the genre so perfectly. But n that scenario,the writer is still being true to the story, it’s just that the way of being true to that story naturally remains within the genre itself. They aren’t compromising their world or story or book to stay in the boxes; their story flourishes in that area and doesn’t need to expand beyond it; may even be detrimental if it did.

That works perfectly well for them so they should do what’s best for them. But for those who don’t naturally feel comfortable staying in boundaries, or whose stories don’t tend to remain confined to a singular genre, they shouldn’t change no matter what they’re told. We need that variation in stories, in writers, in worlds. When people say that a story needs to stay within this or that box because of this or that reason, maybe because not every book can be LOTR or ASOIAF/GOT, or whatever, yeah, that’s true. Not every book can. But those series are well known because they were not conventional. Not everyone can be GRRM, yeah. But GRRM is GRRM, and probably was told he couldn’t be Tolkien. And Tolkien was probably told he was crazy.

Most really famous writers will tell you that they were rejected repeatedly before their story was accepted, even if that story is now astoundingly popular or considered groundbreaking in some form.

That’s why I don’t think it’s wise to listen to “you can only do __” because if everyone only does the same thing, then how is there any innovation or variety?

I’m not saying there’s nothing of value by staying within boundaries–there could be incredibly interesting, or well written stories, or even really creative ones, staying within the bounds. But not everyone who stays within boundaries will always be able to remain unique from everyone else stuck in those same boundaries. Eventually, as a numbers game, it will come to a point where much of the stories become reflective of each other.

Sort of like how you can have canon, then all the fanfic writers start writing their stories and being inspired by each other and having a lot of fun coming up with details to fill in the blanks of their information–and everyone is so inspired by and informed about the other stories in their same field that little details start to reflect each other. And then soon those ideas become facts that become indistinguishable from canon, even though they are fanon. Now, everyone is reflecting the same false concept because everyone saw it so frequently that they came to view it as a rule rather than an idea. That doesn’t at all mean all those fanfics are bad; there can still be phenomenally written ones in that fandom. But it does mean that now everyone is playing the same cards in slightly different ways, because they forgot that they could move beyond them. And now, a character who had blue eyes in canon suddenly has purple because it transitioned from blue to indigo to blue-purple to purple, and now we’re all calling them something they aren’t, because we all thought we had to follow the same set of data points in a situation that is meant to give a person freedom from those expectations. That is, until someone else comes along who says, “Hey, I looked at the canon again and noticed the character’s eyes are blue, so now I’m going to write a story divorced from the unspoken rules of fanon” and if their story has merit, if what they wanted to tell was a good story and done well, they become a new voice bringing new ideas and new life info a fandom that had accidentally, in its love and devotion for the originating source, found itself stuck in self-assigned boundaries of expectations and rules that didn’t need to be there.

That’s how I see the concept of having to only write by the rules. If it works for the story, then go for it. If it doesn’t work for the story, don’t compromise just to check off those boxes.

Readers respond to the truth of a story, whatever that truth may be. They will notice more if a story is stifled to fit rules than they will if a story expands beyond the rules it was given, in order to grow.

If you want a comparison — In the Company of Shadows is a story some people really like. But when Santino and I wrote it, we knew absolutely nothing about the m/m genre. We just wrote what we wrote because it made sense for the story, the world, the characters, and we released it on AFFN and eventually it made its way through word of mouth into the m/m genre reading community. There are a lot of aspects of ICoS that don’t fit the genre, and some things that probably are considered something you should not do. But those are the parts of ICoS that people seem to value the most. If we had gone into that story deciding that the only way to write a m/m series was to first immerse ourselves in the genre, and write down all the rules, and then follow them completely, ICoS would not be the story it is. And in my opinion, it would not have resonated with a lot of the people it did resonate with, and so it would not have had the impact it’s had. There are stories in m/m that flourish in m/m and they don’t need to change. ICoS is not one of them.

I was told, years ago, by someone who had been a friend that she didn’t need to read ICoS to know it would be shit, because I had told her how we wrote what we wrote because it felt right, and we didn’t know anything about the genre, we didn’t follow any rules. Her perspective was that it couldn’t possibly be good if it didn’t. She felt that it was imperative to know those rules first, to follow the genre boundaries, because otherwise it wasn’t going to fit that genre and therefore wouldn’t be a good story. This woman was upset at the time she said these things, so it’s possible she didn’t 100% mean everything she said, but I do think she did fully believe that perspective and viewpoint. There may have been other reasons going into why she said these things, perhaps something she had been told for her own stories that became a source of frustration for her that found an outlet in our conversation. I don’t know. All I know is, I will never agree with the idea that the value of a story is solely in the rules it follows, rather than the story itself.

**When you think you’re completely finished, set it aside for a little bit and read it again. You’ll probably find more things you want to change. And if not, you’ll have the satisfaction of work well done and finally finished. Maybe you’ll be able to see all the wonderful scenes you wrote more that way. I find that happens for me… I can be pretty down about what I write, but if I give myself enough time and go back and reread it from a fresh perspective, sometimes I surprise myself in reading scenes or interactions or wording. Sometimes I think that something I did was genuinely well done. It’s important to give myself that allowance, that acknowledgment, as much as it is to always remember that I will never write a perfect story, and I will never reach a point where I can’t improve.

But that can be part of the adventure. Where can you go next as a writer? The idea of getting better doesn’t have to be something negative, looking at all the things you did wrong and how you weren’t good enough the first time. In my darker days that’s how I see things, but it doesn’t have to be that way. It can be something incredibly positive. Look at how much I can still learn, look at how far I can still expand, look at all the growth I have available to me in my future. That’s amazing. That’s something that gives me an endless source of education–which will allow me to always and always reach out in new and improved ways, to forge new connections and strengthen those new and valuable understandings.

The book Incarnations was 20 years ago, back when I called it Calling of the Onyx, back when it had some of the same characters but was completely different, back when I was that 12-14 year old kid wanting to write a fantasy novel about a female main character navigating her world of magic, with her getting to be the savior instead of some random male character always taking charge–that book had potential, but it had a long way to go. I recognized that even then; knew it wasn’t as good as it could be, and that’s what made me stop before I finished it and start over, then start over again and again as the years passed, as I gained new life experiences, as I got a broader understanding of the world, as I had new ideas on how to improve or change or mitigate what I already had written. Calling of the Onyx was a passable book. It probably would have been considered good or at least decent for a preteen kid to write. Incarnations is so much better. Whether or not people will like it when it’s out, inherently Incarnations is a major improvement because I learned so much more in my life in the process of getting to the point where I could write a cohesive story, and finish the book for the first time. Now it’s part of a series, now it’s part of something much larger than it would have been before. There is great value in what was Calling of the Onyx, in the ideas I had back then, and that value helped inform the story I wrote over the following 20 years. But if I had stopped at CotO, if I had told myself I had to play by those rules only, I would have lost out on a lot of what came next. I wouldn’t have added so much more to the world building that I did, I wouldn’t have expanded the character base so much, I wouldn’t have done a lot of things.

Incarnations being a better book doesn’t devalue CotO; it honors what it was, and expands it into something more, something new with a reflective nod to the past. That’s what you can do any time you edit a story; value the old while honoring the new; honoring the old while valuing the new. With that willingness to listen to your thoughts and your betas, you can find a version of the story that fits its world or context best, without losing what makes it unique or meaningful.

And now that I spent so much more time waxing poetic about editing, it’s probably way too much to go into examples of how I edit other peoples’ work. If that’s something anyone has interest in, let me know and I can find examples that won’t contain spoilers or privacy concerns, or show a way of editing my own work as if I were editing someone else’s.

I don’t know if anything I said in this long post is of use to anyone. I do have an inherent need to push back against rules that I see as labels that try to confine or define me in ways I don’t agree with, because that’s something that is sort of inherent to me as a person. As an asexual, as a lesbian, as someone who’s so often been on the outside of the “norm” in so many big and small ways, I react strongly to being told I have to be boxed in by other peoples’ expectations. That informs a lot of the way I write and read stories; I don’t want to feel stifled there any more than I want to feel stifled in my living, breathing life. I don’t mean to be rude to anyone who feels otherwise about the way they write or edit, and I am not at all saying they are doing anything wrong– if it’s right for them, then in fact it’s extremely right for them to do.

But if you are a person like me, a writer or a reader who feels the way I feel on these things, then maybe the way I look at editing or writing will help you. Because at the very least, you’ll know you aren’t alone.

If that resonates with you, you may find some of the other posts I’ve made in the past to be helpful, like Never regret you and the Equality of Differences. Or, you may find some peace or connection in perusing my about Ais tag on my blog as linked or here on tumblr -- or my personal category on my blog. Whatever you choose, I’m wishing you all the very best.

#writing advice #writing #editing #about me #ask ais #long post

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yyhfanfiction · 7 years ago

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The Sea Prince by knightsqueen05

On: FanFiction.net

Summary: “A fantasy/historical love story loosely based on three different versions of "The Little Mermaid". Two demons manipulate the actions of a love triangle between a village princess, her fiancé through an arranged courtship, and a sea prince. Who will she choose? Will she marry for love or will she marry for commercial gain?”

Overall Score: 91.25%

Read more below (warning: SPOILERS!).

Note: As this review was completed on a work-in-progress, the reviewer comments and the rating should be taken with a grain of salt.

Canon Plausibility

Definition: How well the plot and characters aligned with the original story universe.

Score: 4.00/5.00

A high score for this element indicates that the story blended into the original universe well. This includes the characters being portrayed as they originally were, and that the plot and/or any original characters aligned with the sense of the universe as well.

Reviewer comments: The score on this will be a bit different to interpret as this is an AU. However, given the actual context, the majority of characters' actions were logically based. The only inconsistency in this was how Karasu was shown as a weeping, emotional drama queen. I can kind of see it, but at the same time, considering how the other canon characters were adapted to their new roles, his original personality didn't translate quite as well. It went a bit too far out in left field for him.

Relationships

Definition: Platonic and romantic interaction and development between characters interspersed over time.

Score: 4.00/5.00

A high score on this element indicates that the presentation of the interactions between characters created realistic and meaningful relationships that allowed the readers to connect with and understand the characters.

Reviewer comments: There was not too much of an issue with how the relationships were presented throughout the story, but as the writing style is of a more succinct/explicit nature, I did find myself not being able to understand why Kiyoni or Kurama all of a sudden felt like they were in love with each other. This is a balance though, because I can also see that it's a cliché/normal thing to do given the type of fairytale it springs from.

Plot and Technical Execution

Definition: Interrelated content sequenced in the storyline, including subplots, presented in a grammatically accurate manner.

Score: 4.50/5.00

A high score on this element indicates that the readers did not have a hard time following along with the storyline and that major situations were addressed logically. Additionally, there were likely few or no grammatical errors.

Reviewer comments: There were very few mistakes in terms of the plot and the adaptation of the period/fairy-tale time was accurately and consistently portrayed. However, there were moments where I had a harder time following the flow of the writing that could have been broken up better (i.e., the dialogue dispersion). There were a handful of typos here and there, but nothing major.

Conflict

Definition: Internal or external struggle presented throughout the storyline, eventually reaching resolution.

Score: 5.00/5.00

A high score on this element indicates a balance of presented conflict. The characters have taken a stance in a situation or addressed a pressing internal struggle. This has allowed for character development and reader interest.

Reviewer comments: As this story is in progress, I cannot rate resolution yet. However, there is logical conflict presented (Kiyoni's unwanted, arranged marriage) and it has helped develop characters and progress the story well.

Originality

Definition: Uniqueness of the presented plot as relevant to the fandom.

Score: 5.00/5.00

A high score on this element indicates that enough unique content was presented, sparking readers' interest.

Reviewer comments: I am absolutely in love with the originality of the story. The POC main OC is a nice change of pace and the actual alternate universe is a really interesting change that I don't often see. I am an ocean/mermaid fan, so bonus points on that. I wonder if the author will integrate African mermaids? Another interesting point to maybe touch on eventually.

Dialogue

Definition: Quality and quantity of the conversation had throughout the storyline, including verbal and nonverbal communication.

Score: 4.33/5.00

A high score on this element indicates that there was an effective balance in quantity and/or quality of verbal and nonverbal dialogue. The dialogue was well-utilized in furthering character or story development.

Reviewer comments: The dialogue was usually balanced. The only issue I had with it, aside from what I mentioned about breaking up different speakers on new lines, is that there was some repetition mentioned. That is, the author would say something like this: Akio made a speech. "Everyone, I have a speech." (This is not a direct quote, but my exaggerated example/oversimplification.) It's usually easier to omit this type of unnecessary repetition and put the effort into auxiliary information that can better describe the scene/setting/behaviors. A simple reread of the chapters may suffice for catching this.

Pacing

Definition: Appropriateness of the speed of the presented storyline.

Score: 4.67/5.00

A high score on this element indicates that the pacing was appropriate for the storyline and that the readers were able to meaningfully experience the story without losing interest or being confused.

Reviewer comments: Overall, the writing is very explicit and not overly detailed. I can understand this as there is a lot of story and information to convey. Usually, this representation might bother me, but I didn't feel very upset about it in this story. I want more information and details because I find it so interesting, but what is presented does suffice. Any lower ratings are indicative of just an area or two that felt like they might have needed more details (e.g., I'm missing out on what Hiei is doing while all this stuff is going on with Mukuro right now, but the author may touch on that soon).

Front Matter

Definition: Appropriateness and instilled intrigue of the categorized preview information and summary.

Score: 5.00/5.00

A high score on this element indicates that the front matter was accurate and enticing. This may range from a well-constructed summary to appropriate categorizations for the rating or genres.

Reviewer comments: No comments. All information was appropriate and interesting to catch my attention.

Additional Comments

Overall, what could the author improve most to make the story better?

I think that if there were just a few more details or possibly better transitions between scenes and dialogue, it might help the reader follow along better.

Overall, what did the author excel at that really made the story for you?

I really love the originality and new roles that everyone has. It's interesting to see how Kurama is now a mermaid prince and he has his bros he chills with and that the Kuwabara's are fishers now. Those are the kind of details I enjoy reading/seeing and like the freshness of it all.

What was your favorite moment in the story? Were there any particularly funny or surprising moments?

My favorite moment was probably just how the Kuwabara's fished Kurama out of the ocean. I imagine it'd be pretty crazy to have that happen and was almost expecting them to bring up some Japanese lore about sea monsters that are common in the supposed time period. I wasn't expecting them to be fishers, nor was I expecting them to catch Kurama, but it fit well and made their relationship development logical/fun.

#yyhffr #yyhffrREVIEW #yyh #yuyuhakusho #yu yu hakusho #the sea prince #knightsqueen05 #ffr #review #mermaids #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #writing #in progress #the little mermaid inspiration #the little mermaid #DID I MENTION MERMAIDS?

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nightglider124 · 8 years ago

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what makes a good fanfic? or in your opinion, what makes one? Is there anything in a fanfiction that instantly makes you stop reading?

Eesh, so many things to answer with here. Okay, there are too many variables for a definitive answer of what makes a good fanfic… to me, personally. A story could be the polar opposite in every way to another and both be equally good, ya know?

Okay… so for me? Fanfic turn offs are as followed:

Weak plot - So, one that is overused or cliché really rubs me the wrong way and it’s not necessarily that the story is bad but I just can’t be bothered to read through another fanfic that I’ve read a similar or same plot from before. Also, plots that are kinda full of holes and just don’t flow at all? Like… if a plot is choppy, then be tactful kinda thing. Some are just a little messy and/or are hard to follow. Which leads me to another point; when people try to push too much into a plot. Like, breathe, you don’t have to shove it all in. Pick the important and meaningful parts and branch a little more from there. Even if a plot isn’t particularly exciting, that’s better than trying to force excitement into it, ya feel me? Like don’t force random events in that don’t really have a link with the rest of the plot just because you need a shock in your story or whatever.

Poor planning - Similar to what I mentioned for weak plot but omg, okay, if you are writing… plaaan it. It makes your life 100% easier when it comes to actually writing the damn thing. No matter your method, planning will always help. It structures your fanfiction out for easy guidance which will translate to your readers once you’ve posted work. Jumping straight in without thinking it through and ironing out the kinks… more often than not do not end well. I mean, you will come across problems at the same time as readers and be like, “oh...” and then you’ll have to keep altering already posted chapters and... it’s just not gewd.

Bad grammar - Okay, so I am one of those kinda readers. If I read a fanfic and it has a few spelling mistakes then I’m like eh, whatevs. But, when it is full of spelling, grammatical and general mistakes... I probably won’t keep reading it. I mean, that’s just a personal no for me. When I read a fanfic, I will actually point out to myself the mistakes like I automatically just highlight them. I don’t even mean to. I think I have an issue with this because I’m very meticulous about it, specifically. I will always proof read my work unless I’m in an ultra rush. If not, I will read my work at least twice because I want to make sure it’s coherent and there are no obvious mistakes. I mean, I’m not perfect obviously and on the odd occasion I do make a grammatical mistake, I’ll just go back in and tweak it. And I also understand that some people will write a story that is not in their native language so that’s understandable too. But, when it is just rushed and messy and chock full of spelling errors and grammatical mistakes, it just doesn’t do it for me. Like, nah. I don’t know why, I just can’t read through fanfiction like that.

Layout - Another thing that bugs me to no end is how some fanfiction is written in a big fat bulk. Like, grrrr, I hate that! It just annoys me. I feel like a written piece should be set out clearly and spaciously. Paragraphs and line breaks are your friends, not your enemies. When it is just all in one fat paragraph with no breaks, I will just click back. I cannot invest myself into reading it when it’s like that. I think I feel that way because it just looks so squashed together and bulky and it’s just not very appealing, to me personally. Other people may, in fact, love that.

Narrative & Structure - So, I mean this differently to layout. So first, narrative is a general kinda thing for me to look for in a story. I pay a lot of attention to the coherency and the continuity of narrative. If it’s 3rd person, 1st person etc then I will, without realising, read and keep my eyes open for any slips like adding a “she” when it is supposed to be, “I”, ya know? Idk how others feel with that one but it kinda niggles at me. Tying in with both narrative and structure is the way in which the story is actually told. I kinda dislike when people constantly rely on flashbacks etc throughout a story like it just doesn’t grasp me as I know is the desired effect. Again, plan it out and follow a specific structure on how you’re going to write your story because... throwback to poor planning... it might fall through the cracks and people may get confused on how you’re trying to tell your story. Just be smart about it and organised, too. Anything to help it come across as less messy.

OOC - This is a hard one because it can be easy and a little tempting to slip up with how to portray a character. This applies to both fanfiction and original work but more so the former considering the characters’ personality traits are default. I mean, I’m no saint. I draw outside the lines every so often on character portrayal. Maybe it’s something just a little off that the character wouldn’t say or a gesture that really isn’t their style. It can’t always be helped but my tip is to actually write out character bios to remind yourself when writing. If you feel yourself veering from their true character, a quick look at the bio should help get you back on track. This is something that annoys me though, if I see it quite frequently in one reading? It comes across as the writer has disregarded the actual personality of the character in favour of how they want them to act which isn’t really that appealing. It’s like when people have described Starfire, for example, as being a weepy and vindictive little bitch in stories that oh-ho you guessed it... are not robst@r. If it’s a robr@e story, for example, some writers I have seen have Starfire acting sooooooo out of character and being really snippy and bitter when we all know, if Robin were to end up with another character in the series... Starfire would be sad but unbelievably supportive because that is her character. Of course, some of those times, the writer just doesn’t like Starfire but in my opinion, writing a character in a shitty way just because you don’t like them makes you a shitty writer. Like, put your damn hate for them aside and write them accurately, damn it. Like, I’m not the biggest fan of say, Terra but if I were to include her in a fanfic, I wouldn’t write her badly just because she’s not my favourite. *eye roll*

I won’t pretend to be an expert or a perfect writer, because I’m not. These are things that every writer has probably done, will do or does do. Which is absolutely fine but try and learn from errors. Don’t ignore them. Accept them and learn from them to progress your writing skills.

So, those are the main things, in my opinion and what I personally think can make or break a fic. Erm, this is purely my opinion and you can take it or leave it but it’s what I think considering this was an ask for me.

#asks #night notions #life of a writer #night advice #writing tips #ish?#i guess #personal opinion #nightglider124

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realisticallycynical · 8 years ago

Text

A Little Like Whiplash

(based on this, part two of this, Russian translations under the story itself)

Jonathan isn’t generally a judgemental person. He likes to think that he sees the best in most people, even if they don’t deserve it.

For some reason, he’s never been able to do that with Yuri Plisetsky, the Russian bombshell that nobody knows or cares to know because he’s terrifying and has a tendency to be an asshole.

He has the distinct impression that Yuri, despite clearly not being a scholarship kid (he’s wearing designer everything, and he drives a Maserati; there’s no way that he came to Portland State for any reason other than that he wanted to), would rather be anywhere but here. He sleeps through the two classes that he shares with Jonathan, and for some reason, the professors allow it. If he was a bit less of an antisocial shit, though, Jonathan would probably have a crush; for all his faults, Yuri is one the most attractive person that he’s ever seen outside of magazines with his immaculately braided, waist-length hair and pouty lips and perfect eyeliner (Jonathan is sure he’s the only one that’s noticed that last bit; the subtlety of it is the reason it’s so damn perfect).

The first time he ever actually says anything, it’s one of those days that the professor decides, for whatever reason, not to show up for class. Until the fifteen minute limit passes, the class hums with a low buzz of noise. Yuri, predictably, is asleep.

Jonathan has a few friends in this class, Anthony and Thomas, and they’re chatting quietly about the baseball game on Saturday. Somehow, the topic shifts to that one asshole that’s always sleeping through class.

“Fifteen minutes!” The girl by the door calls out, and the class gets up.

“I’m just saying, why pay for the classes if you’re just gonna sleep through them?” Anthony says, shouldering his bag and heading for the door.

There’s a snort from behind them. Veronica. Jonathan really doesn’t want to deal with her right now; she’s even worse than Yuri, if only because she isn’t quiet about her disdain for the rest of them. “You know they only accept applications from people like him because he’s part of a minority, right?”

When she sees Jonathan’s raised eyebrows, she mistakes his irritation for curiosity. “Come on, don’t tell me you can’t tell. He’s a goddamn fairy.”

He’s wondering if outing himself here and now would make the situation better or worse when there’s an angry “Huh?” from behind them. The loud bang that follows terrifies all of them, but particularly Jonathan, Veronica, and the other two. Jonathan hadn’t even noticed that Yuri was awake, much less that he was nearby. Now his foot is against the wall, not even an inch from Veronica’s head (flexible, Jonathan can’t help but think). The look on his face pumps shards of ice through Jonathan’s veins.

“There is nothing wrong with being gay,” he growls.

His voice is different than Jonathan would have expected; maybe it’s a bit stereotypical, but he’d expected a low tenor, rather than a mezzo baritone, and his accent is there, but not nearly as thick as Jonathan expected. He stalks out of the room dangerously, and the entire class just stands there in shock for a moment.

Next week, when Veronica stops coming to class and he hears that she’s been expelled, Jonathan is sure that it has everything to do with the rich guy sleeping two seats behind him.

“Jonathan, there are only three people in your group for the upcoming term paper,” the professor says, jolting Jonathan out of his thoughts. It’s true; he, Anthony, and Thomas are planning on working together, since there were an odd number of people in the class. Now that Veronica is gone, that’s not true anymore. “I’m assigning Yuri to your group.”

Fantastic, Jonathan thinks, glancing at Yuri.

He looks up blearily and mutters something in the most snide, sarcastic voice Jonathan has ever heard– yoroshiku onegaishimasu –before dropping his head back on his arms. That didn’t sound like Russian, Jonathan thinks, packing up to leave.

Thomas nudges him. “Dude!” he whispers. “He speaks Japanese? What the hell? And I think that was supposed to be polite, but it sounded like an insult.”

“He can also hear you,” comes from behind them. Yuri has apparently given up on sleep since class is over, and has his phone in his hand. The one that isn’t texting reaches behind him and tugs on something that releases the bun he’s sporting today, letting the waist-length braid fall down his back. He leans his face in one hand and stares at his phone boredly. “You three aren’t the most oblivious people I know, but you’re definitely in the top twenty.”

Jonathan doesn’t know what to say, really. The hottest, laziest guy in class is in a group with him for a paper that’s worth twenty percent of their grade, and their first conversation has gotten off to the worst start possible.

“So,” Anthony says awkwardly. “When do you guys want to meet up?”

“I’m only free on Tuesdays. Yuri, I’m pretty sure you only have class twice a week? Maybe we can meet up for lunch,” Thomas says, trying a friendly approach.

“I can’t meet up on my days off. I have training. It’s a paper on the Japan’s involvement in World War II and how it affects today, right?” Yuri asks, still looking bored.

“Yeah. What do you mean? Do you practice all day on every one of your days off or something?” Anthony sounds mildly teasing, but there’s an undertone of disbelief there.

Yuri looks at Anthony, as if he can’t believe he would ask such a stupid question. “Um, yes? What else would I be doing?”

None of them really has a response for that. Yuri doesn’t look like the athletic type, really. He’s lean, almost willowy; not skinny by any means, since there’s definitely muscle there, but it’s not the build Jonathan would expect from an athlete who practices as much as Yuri claims to.

“Anyway, I’ll deal with the history part,” Yuri says, standing up and stretching. Jonathan tries not to stare at the thin strip of skin that appears when he does. What? He may be an asshole, but Yuri is gorgeous. He’d have to be dead not to notice. “I’ll have it to you by… Tuesday, right?”

“I can do Tuesday,” Jonathan says, not really sure what’s happening anymore.

“So can I.”

Yuri blinks and glances at the table searchingly. “Right,” he says, picking up a sticky note he’d left there and scribbling something down. “Here’s my number. Text me your emails and I’ll send you my part of the project. Bye.”

He walks out of the room, phone already at his ear. “Beka! Vy prikhodite na obed segodnya?”

Jonathan looks at Anthony and Thomas, not totally sure what just happened. “So who’s going to pick up the slack on his part?”

That’s not actually necessary, it turns out. Jonathan sent Yuri his email out of courtesy, but when he rolls out of bed on Saturday morning, he finds four pages of 12 point Times New Roman font on Japan’s involvement in World War II, complete with instructions to let Yuri know if there’s anything else that they want him to do (but he won’t be doing the whole damn thing, he doesn’t have time for that).

Except for a few grammatical errors, there’s almost nothing wrong with the work. Jonathan is floored. Maybe this is why the professors let Yuri sleep through class. It’s disrespectful as all hell, but from the way he writes, it’s almost like he doesn’t need to be there at all.

When he’s awake and recovered enough to send a reply, he does. He lets Yuri that there’s nothing wrong with the work, and that he’s looking forward to class on Wednesday. He’s not, but it’s the polite thing to do.

Apparently, Yuri doesn’t planning on extending the same courtesy. “Can’t make it,” he says again, looking bored as he taps away on his phone.

This time, Jonathan actually speaks up. “We could meet up after you’re done with practice or something. It actually works out better for me and Anthony, since we have class on Tuesday.”

“That would work, I guess, but I’m going to be in Japan on Tuesday.” The tone of Yuri’s voice doesn’t change, despite the bomb he’s just dropped.

Why the hell would anyone just up and leave for Japan in the middle of the semester? No matter how rich Yuri is (and he’s definitely rich; they may not know anything about him, but he’s definitely a rich Russian of some sort) it makes no sense. He’s going to miss at least three days of class even if he’s only going to be in Japan for one day, which Jonathan highly doubts. He doesn’t care how pretty or smart this kid thinks he is, there’s no way for him to pass his classes with the way he acts.

“Then cancel it.” He doesn’t even realize that he’s saying the words until they’re out of his mouth, and by then it’s too late.

The look that Yuri fixes on him is as dangerous as it was that day with Veronica. “Fuck you.”

Jonathan backpedals. “I didn’t mean–”

Yuri’s phone rings, cutting him off. The ringtone in itself is enough to cause all three jaws to drop; it’s some classical thing with a boys’ choir singing in what sounds like Latin. Yuri sneers at them, and Jonathan can’t help but think he may have fucked up pretty bad. “Just send me whatever part you want me to handle for the presentation and I’ll do it. Tell me to cancel my trip again, and I won’t do my bit. I’ll still pass without this stupid project.”

He gets up and stalks toward the door, picking up the phone. “Yeah, yeah. I’m on my way to the parking lot now. Shit! Would it kill you to wait a minute and a half, Dad? I said I’ll be there in a minute! Katsudon, get your husband off the goddamn phone when he’s driving. Do you want to die?”

Yet again, there’s this feeling of not really knowing what’s happening by the time Yuri is out of sight. I’ll still pass without this stupid project, he said. That’s almost impossible, unless he has an A in the class. Which he shouldn’t, because he sleeps through it. His participation grade alone should have dropped him to a B unless he’s gotten A’s on every single assignment. There’s no way.

“I need a drink,” Jonathan mutters, and there are murmured agreements from Anthony and Thomas both. “You guys want to go to Shizuku?”

“I’m down.” Anthony says. “Hell, I’ll pay. My treat, after all of that bullshit.”

It’s not even ten minutes to their favorite restaurant by car, but they figure it’ll be easier to walk. There’s no point in driving three cars to get to one place, and none of them are keen on getting their cars out of the student lot right now, since it’s nearly rush hour.

It takes them about thirty minutes to get there, and it’s blessedly empty when they do. There are only a few occupied tables. Still, it seems louder than it usually does, Jonathan notices as they’re waiting to be seated. There’s one table in particular that seems to be making more noise than the rest of the restaurant combined. That makes sense, he thinks, eyeing the back of a silver-haired man’s head. There are a lot of them. At least six, it looks like.

“Posmotrite na kotenke, Beka! Eto tak milo! Posmotrite na svoikh malen'kikh lapakh i khvoste.” That voice… it sounds way too happy to be him, but given how the day has gone, Jonathan wouldn’t be surprised.

The silver haired guy moves slightly. It looks like he leaned his face on his hand. “Yurio, don’t be rude. You and your friend aren’t the only people at this table, you know. Richard and Estephania are here too, and they don’t speak Russian.”

“It’s fine,” the person on silver haired’s left says. She has long, dark hair that swishes when she shakes her head. “It’s funny to see Yuri so excited about something for once.”

Jonathan gets a partial view of someone with dark hair and a very serious face. It’s almost scary how quickly he realises that he’s being looked at, and he looks Jonathan dead in the eye. The man nods once, then looks away without acknowledging him further.

“Beka? What are you looking at?” A head of blond hair comes into view, and Jonathan finds himself looking directly into the eyes of Yuri Plisetsky.

I fucked up, Jonathan thinks immediately, watching the mirth drain out of Yuri’s eyes almost instantly, replaced with irritation.

“Johnny? What is it– Oh, shit.” Anthony hides behind a menu.

“If you’re stalking me, I swear to god I will shove my silverware up your respective asses,” Yuri says, looking dead serious. “I have more than enough stalkers.”

That’s cause enough for Jonathan to pause and wonder what he means, but then the strangest thing happens. Instead of looking even remotely alarmed, the way any normal person would, the three people with their backs facing toward Jonathan, Anthony, and Thomas all turn at a totally normal, unhurried pace. Two of them, the silver haired man and the Asian looking man next to him, are even smiling.

“Hello!” the silver haired man says, waving. “Are you Yurio’s friends? Here, come sit with us! We’ve never met any of his friends from school before.”

Who the hell says something like that after hearing him call us stalkers? Jonathan thinks, feeling out of his element and way too overwhelmed. There’s really nothing to do but accept, so the three of them walk to the table as a group.

“Ya dumal, chto u vas ne bylo druzey v Amerike,” the serious man says to Yuri quietly, probably trying not to be heard.

Yuri looks murderous. “Ya ne.”

There’s a split second war between Thomas, Jonathan, and Anthony as to who is going to sit next to the scary serious guy. Jonathan loses. It’s fine. He’ll take scary serious guy over angry Yuri Plisetsky any day.

“My name is Otabek. Yuri is my best friend,” scary serious guy says, holding out a hand.

Jonathan takes it hesitantly, but Otabek’s grip isn’t anything but polite. “Jonathan. That’s Thomas, and that’s Anthony. We take American History with Yuri.”

“My name is Victor, and this is my husband Yuuri! Not your Yuri, we call him Yurio,” the silver haired man says. The Japanese man next to him blushes, and Jonathan supposes that he’s the other Yuuri.

“I will shove my knife shoes so far up your ass, Nikiforov, that you won’t be able to sit for a year,” Yuri warns.

“Yurio is our son. We’re so glad Yuri is actually making friends at school, I was worried for a while. I’m sure you know how tricky he can be sometimes,” Victor continues, ignoring the incredibly violent threat as if it happens every day. What the hell did Yuri even mean by knife shoes, anyway?

“You shut the fuck up, old man!”

It doesn’t surprise Jonathan in the slightest that Yuri has two dads; it explains a lot about the whole incident with Veronica earlier this year. What he is surprised about is the fact that Yuri’s dads seem so… nice.

Jonathan isn’t sure if that’s pleasant or terrifying.

“Victor and Yuuri are my figure skating coaches,” Yuri mutters, sounding like he’d rather be doing anything but this.

“Wait, you’re a figure skater?” Thomas asks, looking intrigued; seriously, how that guy manages to be so laid back all the time is– wait, what?

“Is that what you keep missing meetings to practice?” Jonathan asks. Suddenly it all makes sense: the lean muscle, the crazy flexibility and precision it would require to nearly kick someone in the head, the whole random flight to Japan.

The entire table erupts into laughter, even the Hispanic woman and the other man that they haven’t been introduced to yet.

Yuri turns bright red, looking both flustered and annoyed. “Oh, fuck off, all of you. Especially you, Katsudon! You have no right to laugh after what happened with these two.” He points aggressively at the two people Jonathan and the others don’t know.

The Japanese man, Yuuri, is the first one to manage to stop laughing. “I’m sorry, Yura. I’m laughing because I know how you feel.” He turns to Jonathan, Thomas, and Anthony, still smiling brightly. “He actually medalled at the Olympics last year. He’s won gold for Russia several times, as well.”

Jonathan isn’t the only person at the table with his jaw dropped. The waitress comes by and sets waters in front of the three of them. Even when she leaves, he still can’t figure out what he’s supposed to say. He’s pretty sure that earlier today, he just told an Olympian medalist to cancel a trip to what was probably a competition at the last minute. He wants to die of embarrassment, even if he had good reason.

“He probably didn’t mention it because he’s too angry that he let that Canadian get gold and he only got bronze,” Victor teases. He slings an arm around his husband. “Still, my son and my husband on the podium at the same time! It’s any man’s dream. I’m so proud!”

There’s a scraping noise on the table. When Jonathan looks down, he sees that Otabek slid over a phone with the screen open to a news article about men’s figure skating and yep, there’s Yuuri. And that’s definitely Yuri, but he looks… different. Happy. Jonathan looks from Otabek to Yuri to the article, then back to Otabek. He knows he’s panicking, because there’s nothing he can really say to make himself feel less awkward but maybe someone calm like Otabek can help him out.

Otabek gives him a thumbs up.

Translations (let me know if I need to fix any, I don’t speak Russian)

yoroshiku onegaishimasu - Japanese - I look forward to working with you (yes, he’s being a sarcastic little shit here)

Vy prikhodite na obed segodnya? - Russian - roughly translates to “we’re still on for lunch today?”

Posmotrite na kotenke, Beka! Eto tak milo! Posmotrite na svoikh malen'kikh lapakh i khvoste. - Russian - Look at the kitten, Beka! It’s so cute! Look at its little paws and tail.

Ya dumal, chto u vas ne bylo druzey v Amerike - Russian - I thought you said you don’t have friends in America.

Ya ne. - Russian - I don’t.

#skygemspeaks #yuri on ice #yuri plisetsky #otabek altin #victor nikiforov #yuuri katsuki #retirement au #i wrote this instead of doing homework #im so fucked #worth it #look at me posting shit without editing it #again #cassie writes

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academiablogs · 8 years ago

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The Art of Reading Indie

(Image source)

Can anyone be beautiful if someone doesn’t say to them, “I think you’re beautiful”? Can anyone be intelligent if the results of a test don’t confirm: “you’re a genius”? And more pertinent to our discussion, can any book be good if not validated by a 4 or 5 star review? Can a book without reviews at all be good in any sense of the word? Doesn’t someone need to tell us it is? Otherwise, isn’t beauty, intelligence, and artistic worth a relative term, utterly meaningless without a verifiable source?

When you browse the shelves of a bookstore or library, you implicitly know that these books have been curated for you by the experts. Not only publishers, but booksellers, sales charts, award committees, and librarians have each had their say, and personally picked through the debris of literature to offer these chosen gems: these are good and worth your time, they seem to say. So even if you take a book and decide it’s not for you, the reason isn’t that the book itself is bad, or comes from an inferior pen; it simply wasn’t your cup of tea, or what you were in the mood for. You don’t take it personally (or most of us don’t).

The same certainly isn’t true for an indie writer, whose book is usually curated by the writer’s discretion alone. Such a book has no publisher or librarian standing behind it; it merely says why not give me a chance? But there’s no guarantee that if will be well-written. It may even be ungrammatical. Chapters might break off without development. Characters might be crude caricatures, dialogue a mannequin’s attempt at small talk. The story might betray its origins as a half-baked excuse for conflict. It might outstay its welcome by the second chapter. For these reasons and many more, some readers avoid them entirely, or at least approach them with considerable skepticism. Why read indie books when there are thousands—millions!—of properly curated books waiting to be found?

Perhaps the answer lies in those very “millions.” If there are millions of curated books, each one backed by a publishing company or an agent, can every one of those millions be a unique work of art? To have a publishing industry, in fact, you not only need a standardized measure of quality, but a product. In short, you have to produce many of the same kinds of books on a predictable schedule. If every book tried something new or innovative, the industry would falter. Money would be lost. Careers would go down the drain. In point of fact, doesn’t it take someone coming from the outside—an indie, so to speak—to reinvent the wheel? (and in art, the wheel could always run a little smoother).

Indie books have the potential to be true game changers in the industry. They don’t have to follow market trends; they don’t have to play by established rules; they can mimic old forms while boldly striving for something new; and most of all, they can question common sense advice about what makes writing and stories “good”. A team of gatekeepers, from agents to editors to CEOs will all have an opinion on this and will make sure a given book conforms to these models. Not that these people are Philistines with no taste…but they do have to make money. An indie writer would love to make money, too, but he/she (probably) has another source of income. His or her entire income probably isn’t riding on the success or failure of this novel (and if it is, maybe he/she should take up a more stable profession). The freedom of being able to publish a novel without scrutiny while following your own aesthetic leads to a classic Scylla and Charybdis situation: on one side, malicious indifference and anger to your ‘new’ book, and on the other, the chance of writing something slapdash that hasn’t undergone the proper vetting/editing process to make it worth reading.

And it’s true: so many indie books probably shouldn’t have been published. The authors might not have the skills or the patience to write a good book; or they might possess these talents, but the enticement of publishing on demand tempted them to release a product too quickly, selling a glorified rough draft as a slick, $15.99 novel. Given these realities, should we, as readers, become the gatekeepers these authors avoided? Should we read them with dark brows and clicking tongue, lashing every spelling error and grammatical lapse? Should we really expect them to be the equal of traditionally published novels? And what penalty should we exact upon them when they fail to meet these expectations?

My answer to these questions are relatively simple: you have to read them differently. They’re not ‘normal’ books. Lest this sound condescending, consider that I, too, am an indie writer. And I honestly hope that readers don’t read my books like the latest bestseller (which is why I only charge the Amazon minimum for each one, 99 cents). I write books that follow many traditional hallmarks of the fantasy genre, but I’m also aware that I can re-write or re-fashion the rules on a whim. And so I do. I write the fantasy novels that Jane Austen might have written, which means (I think) that I try to look at a familiar genre from an unfamiliar perspective. I love old books, books that are two-hundred, three-hundred, even a thousand years old. But I also love where books have ended up, and what’s happening to them today. When I try to write books from both perspectives, agents and publishers tell me I’m wrong; we don’t write like that anymore, the kids won’t understand it, your writing is stiff and you use too much punctuation. In short, it’s not a product they can successfully market and curate on the shelves with their other ‘millions.’

That’s why I chose, at first reluctantly, but now by choice, to self-publish my novels. I want to mix and match, to bend and twist, to mold the fiction into a new shape that resembles (without mirroring) the books that I love. I want to take chances. And most importantly, I want to amuse myself. I don’t see a lot of joy and gusto in publishing today, largely because it’s become so safe and predictable. Indie writing doesn’t have to be safe or predictable. What they have to do is be themselves—not according to a formula, but according to the inner logic of the story itself.

Of course, that requires readers who are willing to follow along. Readers who don’t mind the occasional spelling mistake or story lapse, but who are willing to take the stories for what they are: bold experiments by lone visionaries who don’t have the backing of a major publishing house or team of editors and curators behind them. These are people pursuing a dream against all odds, and it’s a dream no one particularly wants them to follow. For that reason we need to read these books not like the next Steven King novel or the latest Neil Gaiman installment. Experience them like a strange new language, one that takes time to translate and to understand properly. And if, in the end, the story turns out to be a dud, to require more time to rebuild and reshape—what then?

That’s the unique beauty of indie writing: you can then tell the author. Communicate your concerns and misgivings to them rather than simply lobbing off another 1-star review. Don’t look at indie writing as a finished product. Rather, it allows you, the reader, to be a co-creator, an editor, a quality control expert. Chances are, the author is waiting desperately in the wings to hear something, anything, about his or her novel. And the chances are, your insights and criticisms will be like manna from heaven, reminding authors that someone is listening—someone is reading their work. A single good reader makes any writer, no matter how accomplished, a better one. So doesn’t it behoove us to read as many indie books as possible, to find the gems, and encourage these writers—good and bad—to ruthlessly pursue their art? For writing is an art first and foremost (sorry marketers!), and only artists will help us adapt it for the ideas and individuals of the 21st century.

#indie writing #books #amwriting #amreading #bookish #the winged turban #writing #writers

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archiveikemen · 2 years ago

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Disclaimers, Warnings & FAQ

I’d really appreciate if you would read the rest of this post, so we can avoid some potential conflicts or problems.

just a heads up ! ━━━━━━━━━━━━━

♚ Minors, DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME. Don't dm me, don't like my posts, don't reblog, don't even open them. I will elaborate in the next point.

♚ Ikemen series stories contain adult content, graphic descriptions of violence, paranormal events, and topics that may be uncomfortable for people i.e. human trafficking, sexual assault, sexual harassment, kidnapping etc. This list is non-exhaustive. adults, enjoy at your own discretion. Minors, read point one again.

♚ My english is not good, so please expect grammatical errors and limited vocabulary.

♚ My posts are not meant to replace cybird's official work in any form. This is merely a way for me to expose myself to the japanese language for learning purposes, and this blog is where I archive the stories I've read.

⤷ I only have a "bare minimum" understanding of the language, thus i often will end up making word-for-word translations and mistakes, but I'm working on improving them. Please feel free to correct me in my ask box or replies. I appreciate your feedback and will use them to aid my learning.

⤷ I don't know every japanese word in existence, so I rely on the use of a dictionary + the occasional machine translation if I don't trust my own interpretation of the sentence. Like all of you, I'm learning new things every day.

♚ Please don't expect fast / daily updates. As much as i want to be fast, I can't commit to that as i have much more important responsibilities in real life.

♚ Although I used to share paid stories e.g. story set sales, I'm no longer whaling on IkeSeries games. Therefore, please stop asking me to buy... whatever story. ... Unless you want to give me the funds to? LOL. I'm literally doing this for the shits and giggles and for free so yeah let me live.

♚ I block people liberally, I don't hold back. You will be blocked if your comment is rude, I can't tell whether you're joking/being sarcastic, or I just don't vibe. I have the right to curate my own online space, and so do you. Anyone I see uploading FULL UNCROPPED UNEDITED CG and/or game story recordings publicly will be BLOCKED.

♚ Please don't send nsfw asks into my askbox! As much as i translate and read adult content, I'm not comfortable with unexpected sexual content.

Frequently asked ! ━━━━━━━━━━━━━

♚ Why is your ask box closed?

I like keep it open for anyone to let me know if any links in my master lists aren’t working, or if they have any questions / anything to say to me. However, I will close it the moment people use it as a means to make rude comments or I'm uncomfortable with the asks I'm receiving. I'm only human, so please treat me with the same respect I give you.

♚ I don’t like seeing you on my dashboard and under the tags you use, what should I do?

Block me. I'm not here to please anyone. If blocking me isn’t enough for you, let me know your username so I can block you back.

♚ Some parts of your masterlists don’t have links.

Please use askbox to let me know... maybe i missed out 😅

♚ Do you accept story requests?

Nope. You can ask whether something will be translated e.g. a currently ongoing event's route, but there's no guarantee that i'll do it. I have lots of stories piling up in my backlog, and my priority goes to those stories.

#aikm wfaq

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ber39james · 7 years ago

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10 More Phrases to Never, Ever Use at Work

Professional communication can feel like a careful balancing act. You want to keep up with the latest business jargon, but you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes in the process.

We already covered some outdated terms and clichés in our last post on the subject. Now we’re taking on some phrases that may seem innocuous, or even helpful—until you think about what message they’re really sending.

For your edification (and your next promotion), here are ten more words and phrases you should never use at work.

Here’s a tip: Grammarly runs on powerful algorithms developed by the world’s leading linguists, and it can save you from misspellings, hundreds of types of grammatical and punctuation mistakes, and words that are spelled right but used in the wrong context. Learn More

1“Let me know”

It’s easy to tag this catchall phrase onto the end of your emails, but it doesn’t translate into action. If you want results, take some initiative.

“Let me know when you’re free to meet.”

“I’m available to meet on Wednesday at 1:00 p.m. or 3:00 p.m. Which time works for you?”

“Let me know how I can help.”

“I’ll call Kevin to get an estimate for you.”

2“You Look Tired”

Someone who “looks tired” already knows—you don’t need to point it out. And since this phrase is synonymous with “you look terrible,” don’t expect a positive response.

If you notice someone seems tired and you’re genuinely concerned for them, try one of these phrases on for size:

“Hey, how are you doing today?”

“I’m grabbing coffee at Starbucks, would you like anything?”

“You’ve been putting in a lot of time on this project. Is there anything I can help you with?”

3“Just”

You may be using “just” to soften the tone of your message, but it could communicate that what you’re saying isn’t especially important.

Removing “just” from your vocabulary conveys confidence in your actions. If you know what you need, go ahead and ask for it.

“Sorry to bother you, I just want to check in on your progress on the report due tomorrow.”

“How’s progress on the report coming along? I look forward to reviewing it tomorrow.”

4“I think” / “I feel”

It’s time to let the security blanket go. These qualifying phrases may feel safe, but they’re undermining your credibility. Constantly using “I think” communicates a lack of confidence in your ideas and abilities. Instead, ditch the qualifiers and make assertive statements like:

“I can get my completed article to you by 5:00 p.m.”

“This is the best plan for the new campaign.”

5“It’s not fair”

https://giphy.com/embed/GT5VP2UQ9vXFe

via GIPHY

We all hate to feel injustice, but how you respond to difficult circumstances is your choice.

Instead of pouting, channel that frustration into useful action. What can you do to address the issue? Use facts rather than feelings to argue your case.

“It’s not fair that Kevin gets to go to the conference instead of me.”

“I’ve put in over 20 hours creating this presentation and am the most comfortable talking about the material. It makes sense for me to be the lead presenter at the conference.”

6“OMG, did you hear about Kevin?”

https://giphy.com/embed/zmRmrZFPoqh6U

via GIPHY

Who doesn’t love the inside scoop? (Especially about Kevin.) But gossiping at work is in poor taste, and could have negative consequences for your career.

If you feel the need to vent, do your kvetching with a non-work friend. And if you have a conflict with someone, talk to them directly—or, if appropriate, talk with your company’s human resources department.

7“I’ll try”

https://giphy.com/embed/pvDp7Ewpzt0o8

via GIPHY

So, will you do what I requested or not? Instead of using this wishy-washy phrase, boost your coworkers’ confidence in you by clearly setting expectations.

“I won’t be able to write the report today, but I can have it to you by noon tomorrow.”

“I’ll research how to do that and will check in with Kevin if I need assistance.”

8“It’s not my fault”

We’re all adults. No matter whose fault it is, you’ll get more respect if you explain the situation in a professional manner.

Take responsibility for your own actions, and explain the mistakes of others without throwing them under the bus. And be honest about what was and wasn’t outside of your team’s control.

9“Maybe it’s stupid, but…”

It’s natural to fear the critique of others, but using this qualifier imposes a negative lens on your thoughts before your audience has a chance to evaluate your statement for themselves.

Instead of self-sabotaging, practice stating your ideas with confidence.

“I have an idea for our next project. It’s different from what we usually do, and I think this could give us some new results.”

10“Sorry”

By all means, apologize when you’re accepting responsibility for an error you’ve made. But let’s take a moment to think about how woefully overused this little word is.

“I’m sorry, but could you have the presentation ready by noon?”

“I’ll need the presentation ready by noon so we’ll have time to review it. I greatly appreciate your work on this.”

“Sorry I’m late to our meeting.”

“Thank you so much for waiting. Let’s get started!”

“Sorry, I won’t have the article ready on time.”

“I’ll need to postpone the article until Thursday. Two of my interviewees weren’t available until today.”

The post 10 More Phrases to Never, Ever Use at Work appeared first on Grammarly Blog.

from Grammarly Blog https://www.grammarly.com/blog/words-to-avoid-at-work/

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gustavowilh · 7 years ago

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How to Rock your Global Mobile App Business with Localization

According to GSMA Intelligence, there are already more than 4.8 billion unique mobile users worldwide, and over a half of those are located in Asia and Pacific regions. This is a huge number of users, and chances are that the majority of them do not speak your language.

In fact, only about 15% of all the people speak English as a first or second language. App installs hit the record of 25 billion worldwide in Q1 2017, but where do these downloads come from?

Localization has become a vital strategy for any mobile app or game business with the goal to get an access to these outstanding numbers of new customers. You never know where the demand for your product might come from – and without localizing your product there is no proper way to find that out. If you want your app to succeed, localization will become the vital strategy for your business.

Source: GSMA – The Mobile Economy 2017

Without doubt, localization adds an endless value for mobile businesses, and if you are reading this, you are probably already doing it or considering it.

How can mobile apps benefit from localization?

1. Extend your customer base

Nowadays, in a global mobile app economy, having an access to a constantly growing customer base is vital for any business. And a key to the international growth is providing a product that is properly translated and localized.

Localized products can lower cultural barriers, educate new users about your app, and evoke the interest in the potential customers. Properly localized apps fit local market conditions and may serve a specific need.

In case you don’t have resources available to localize all the content of your app (which can be costly), it definitely makes sense to localize listing elements: texts, such as app name, description, etc., and graphic elements (for example, provide localized screenshots and videos).

2. Enter new markets faster

Localized app store listing (product page) and a strong ASO strategy opens the doors for your app to access the foreign markets. It provides the fast entrance and the ability to make a quick check of this market and see if there really is a demand for this kind of app or game.

Current localization services and companies provide their translation services really fast —within a few hours, or up to 24 hours, you can already have a ready translation whenever you have a desire and budget to try out your product in a new country.

3. Improve user engagement and satisfaction

It goes without saying that a localized app (not only the product page, but also content, notifications, etc.) will demonstrate higher percentage of engaged users. It is true that English is one of the world’s main languages, however the customers will always be more likely engage with an app in their own language.

4. Diversify your customers profiles

Happy customers will likely spread the word about your app—any product has a higher chance to go viral if it is localized. By localizing an app, you can create a great competitive advantage by diversifying your clients and getting a bigger market share.

What are the best markets to localize for?

When talking about localization, we should keep in mind that there can be several spoken languages with a certain country or region (like in Belgium, Switzerland, or China). So instead of a country or language there is a combination of both, that is called a locale. For example: en-US or en-UK would have their differences as of wording, displaying dates, etc.

What markets are the best ones to target? There is no single answer.

You need to do thorough research to evaluate the possible pros and cons of expanding your audience in a certain locale. Maybe it will not make a commercial sense for you to invest in localization for some very competitive market.

Mobile world is still dominated by English speaking audience, however in terms of revenue or downloads there are several markets to keep an eye on:

Source: App Annie

Besides the giants of the mobile world: United States, Japan and South Korea, we can already see the new prospect superpowers: Brazil, China, India, and Mexico.

The best way to check and analyze if the market is worthy for your business, is to first localize the app store listing (product page) and see if the customers from new locales who install your app are meeting your expectations. Master your ASO and if you see a great potential for your business, invest in localizing full content.

Source: App Annie

Don’t ignore app localization and start preparing your content for it on an early stage of development so that later it will cost you less to localize it for new languages!

How to prepare an app or game for localization

The localization process consists of three key activities:

1. Internationalization (or making an app language-independent)

Internationalization is the initial preparation of the app and making it localization-ready. Once done, it allows to estimate the time and effort needed for a translation and localization to any language, and make strategic decisions about worthiness of localizing for different locales in terms of ROI.

In the process of internationalization, all user-facing text and graphic content need to be separated and stored in strings and separate files ready for translation and localization. Separate functions are built to retrieve the format of dates and numbers and display them for different locales. The developers have to do this process only once, and the earlier the better as it’s more cost-effective.

2. Localization of the content

This step directly implies translating and adapting text and graphic content for a certain language. All the small details matter here: colors, forms, dates or plural forms, and so on. Don’t trust the blind automatic translation—put in the work!

The translation and proofreading always needs to be done by native speakers of the target language. To the end user, an app that is localized to their language should feel as natural as if it was developed in their native language.

Small grammatical and punctuation errors that are invisible to you can be a pain for a native speaker, and this will soon mirror in your app reviews. To avoid these complaints, work with human translators and always proofread your texts.

A few points to keep in mind:

Your app name is well-adapted to the target language and doesn’t transmit a different meaning.

You are using the correct numeral systems and formats (1.000 vs 1,000), and applying the correct list ordering rules.

Type and format of punctuation are appropriate (e.g. spacing).

Symbol meanings and calendar systems are respected or adapted.

Bonus: Find a list of top tools and services for app localization here.

3. Implementing on the app stores

Both App Store and Google Play provide anything needed to facilitate developers to build language-independent apps and localize them. Both stores include:

Built-in internationalization: The locales are chosen by end users and applied automatically by the platform.

Quick export: Developers can easily extract their text strings and store them in separate files.

Auto-layout: Screen layout is automatically changing to adapt to different text length in localizations.

Auto-formatting of numbers, dates or plurals, according to user locale.

Read more about how to localize an app or game for Apple App Store or Google Play.

App localization checklist and final thoughts

Localization is one of the best measure you can take to open your product to the broad public and get access to new audiences around the world.

To sum things up, here is a short checklist for app localization:

Study the market and be sure to provide positive experience for all users (customers). Research what users on different markets value from similar products, what price are they ready to pay, and what tactics are your competitors using.

Take a look at the devices and/or stores that are dominant in your target country or region. (for example, in China the usual App Store and Google Play are hardly even present).

Make sure your UI can handle foreign characters and support RTL languages and vertical scripts. Ensure your app accepts user-generated text in any language and in multiple languages at once, independent of the language of the user interface.

Don’t ignore checking the images with a localization expert. Just like poorly translated text, the irrelevant images can fail to convey the right message to the users.

Make sure you are not only translating, but also adapting to the target locale in a cultural way, provide local sharing options, messaging or support to earn the new users’ trust.

Don’t forget App Store Optimization (ASO) and make sure you make a profound keyword research for your target language. You will also need to build a solid marketing strategy and create promotional materials in the target language.

Test localized version on all devices, platforms and mobile browsers to ensure consistency and absence of mistakes.

Act fast! The earlier you localize your app, the better and more cost-effective it will be.

Have you already localized your product? What were the main challenges you’ve come across during in the process? Tell us in the comments!

The post How to Rock your Global Mobile App Business with Localization appeared first on Apptentive.

from Blogger http://gustavowilh.blogspot.com/2017/09/how-to-rock-your-global-mobile-app.html via IFTTT

#Mobille App Development #Android App #Cellphone App #Cellphone Application Development

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darincjohnson · 7 years ago