#there is so much love in this chapter and I tried my best to let the camera angles/ framing/ composition/ lighting reflect that đ„ș
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the tortured poets department
a story told in multiple parts
vi x reader
Info Post
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Contains: college au, dark/light academia, writer reader, singer reader, neurodivergent/autistic reader (iâm autistic so iâm writing from my own experiences), sporty vi, hockey player vi, big sister caitlyn, best friend ellie williams, roommate ellie williams, will contain other familiar characters you know and love as well as some potential ocs. no use of y/n, reader does have a name because itâs just easier for me to write that way đ€ ALSO- Jayce is aged down because I want him to be đ
WC: 4.5k
TW: talk of severe mental illness and brief mention of psychiatric facilities
A/N: chapter one is officially live! if youâre just stumbling across this and havenât checked the main info post yet please do for more info! hope you enjoy! đ€
part I
youâre on your own, kid
Whenever most people got acceptance letters to Oxford they were ecstatic, elated, overjoyed. Somehow whenever I got mine all I felt was a sense that I had failed. It was a juxtaposition of course, it was always expected from my family that I attend the same university they had and every other generation before them had. So in a way I had done the opposite, just maybe not in the right order, and a hefty amount of rejection letters in my midst. Including the one currently being held in my shaky hand right now.
Ms. Kiramman,
Thank you for submitting your manuscript to our publication house. Unfortunately right now we are unable to offer you an opportunity for further publication.
âPlease, they wouldnât know good literature if it hit them in the face.â Caitlyn scoffed from her spot next to me as the student shuttle jostled us in our row of seats.
âIs every other publication house that denied me unable to recognize good literature as well?â I whispered from where my cheek stayed pressed to her shoulder.
I know what a lot of you were probably thinking at first glance, but Caitlyn was a good big sister. She was harsh, severely left brained, exactly everything our parents wanted in a child, and quite possibly the polar opposite of me. But in all honesty she was my best friend. My biggest supporter whenever my parents werenât. It was her who had harassed all of those literary agents to even get me the chance to submit my works to publication houses in the first place because I was too scared to do it. And it was I who failed every single time.
âYeah actually, they are. Honestly Mills, thereâs so much trash in modern day poetry right now you might be better off.â She sighed, reaching a hand over to click my phone off slowly as the shuttle rumbled to a stop. âThis is you!â She tried to plaster on a fake cheery voice with a pat on my back as if to get me to finally lift my head where my cheek was already an irritated red for being hid in her sweater.
âI still donât get why you couldnât just let Ellie and I take the extra room in that big student house you just moved into.â I huffed, lifting a hand to readjust my glasses before rising up to my feet and reaching for one of the suitcases carelessly tossed on one of the adjacent rows of seats.
âBecause lovey, you need to make some of your own friends. This is uni, Millie, weâre both in completely different colleges and I just- I donât want you to get too lonely.â She frowned, glancing back at me as she rolled the other suitcase behind her. âYou guys donât wanna room with a bunch of upperclassmen anyways.â
âI do have my own friends, I have Ellie.â
âAs much as she is a great roommate, friends besides Ellie, itâs good to have more than just two whole people on campus to talk to.â Caitlyn pressed on just before striding towards the entrance, leaving me feeling like I needed to speed walk just to keep up given the fact she was nearly a foot taller as well.
The student apartments were definitely nicer than the usual underclassman dorms. In all honesty I really shouldâve been grateful, it was just another luxury of being a Kiramman. Whenever your parents paid for half of the buildings on campus you usually got better accommodations. Not that either of them originally liked the idea of me even rooming with Ellie. A loudmouthed foreign exchange student from America I met during another one of those incredibly expensive wellness retreats my parents sent me on to see if they could find a âcureâ for what was actually just a heavy amount of autism and severe ADHD.
The only person who really seemed to understand that there wasnât one and it was just simply who I was was Caitlyn. To a degree as much as she could at least. Sometimes though I could tell she forgot.
âI think Ellie said she beat us a while ago.â She chimed in as we approached the door decorated with a slightly chipped gold number.
âShe got here early because of hockey stuff.â I answered, already bouncing on the balls of my feet to see how she had managed to make the flat into a sea of chaos already. She wasnât exactly the cleanest person, luckily her energy seemed to mesh with mine easily enough though.
âOh! You never mentioned she made the hockey team! I know a few girls on the team you could probably talk to.â She shot a hopeful smile back at me before lifting a fist to knock on the door.
It swung open before she could even make a second tap to reveal a frazzled looking Ellie haphazardly clutching a hockey stick. âThank God youâre here! I was trying to practice my swing and- fuck, we are so not getting that deposit back, Millie.â
âOh dear god.â Caitlyn cursed, already wincing in dread before stepping through the door into the messy flat. âIâm sure our dad can- do something. What did you manage to break and why on earth did you decide practicing your swing indoors was a good idea?â
âFor your information I didnât break anything! Thereâs just a- tiny dent in the wall.â
I hummed a bit to myself as I stepped over the plethora of unpacked bags currently covering the floor. âItâs definitely more than tiny.â I chimed in as I poked at the noticeable dent in the drywall.
Caitlyn released a long and heavy breath and shook her head, as if to try and keep herself from making her own dent in the wall. âItâs totally fine. Iâll just- say that it was there whenever you guys moved in!â She shrugged with another anxious clear of her throat as she pulled my luggage in behind her. âWhich room is free, Els?â
âOh, I gave her the room in the front. I know she likes it dark and the lighting in there sucks.â Ellie answered as she shuffled off behind us. âThere is one window in there that can get pretty killer in the mornings.â
I tensed a bit at the sight of the double window facing towards the bed. Yet another one of the aggravating little quirks that came with my neurodivergency, light sensitivity. As far as I could remember I always preferred the darkest of places. And now Caitlyn was cursing again, rushing towards me to take my hands into her own as if I was already on the verge of panic.
âItâs okay- I can get you a pair of a blackout curtains asap and you know how dreary it is in Oxford anyways-â
âCaity- itâs fine. Iâm not going to have a meltdown over a window.â I interrupted her ramble with a shake of my head. Sometimes I felt like she still thought I was that same teenage girl that didnât have a handle on her emotions. Not that I was far from it exactly. Now I was just an almost 20 year old girl who had a slight hold on her emotions. Thatâs what the writing was for.
Her eyes still held the same amount of concern though, getting that same little crinkle in between her brows as she nodded. âOkay, Iâm still getting you blackout curtains though.â
âTheyâll definitely be appreciated.â I said with a forced tiny smile.
âWell, I really wish I could stay and help you unpack but I have a meeting with the Brooks Society and everything but⊠I really do hope Iâll see you both tonight at the pub for fresherâs week?â She grinned hopefully once more as she squeezed the life out of my hands.
âOh, I-I donât know. Weâve barely settled in and-â
âIâm down.â Ellie chimed in from behind me as she trotted back into the door frame. âIâm gonna be relishing in the fact I finally donât need a fake.â
âEllieâŠâ I groaned as I shot her a glare over my shoulder.
âWhat? Mills, itâs the first day of fresherâs week, we might as well be committing a crime by not going out tonight!â She exclaimed with a dramatic throw of her hands in the air.
âItâs true, and as much as I would love to keep you away from my degenerate friends, well, it might be good for you.â Caitlyn agreed with another casual shrug.
âYouâre not gonna give me a choice, are you?â I questioned causing her to shoot a knowing look towards Ellie over my shoulder.
âProbably not.â She answered before stealing a look down at the expensive watch wrapped around her wrist. âWell, Iâve gotta go but⊠youâll text me if you need anything, right? I donât want you to feel like you canât because of what I said earlier because you always can I just-â
âCaity- itâs fine. Iâm fine, I promise. I- Iâll see you tonight.â I stammered in hesitation, and Iâd definitely be hearing about it later. But luckily right now she seemed willing to just let things go.
âOkay, good⊠great. Now- get in here, pipsqueak!â She exclaimed, the familiar nickname she had been calling me since she hit her growth spurt and I yet to do so making me roll my eyes as she pulled me into a tight hug. One of those sisterly hugs I always clung onto a bit longer. Ever since I was younger no place had felt safer than Caitlyn. And in so many ways sometimes I looked at her as being more than a mom than our actual mom. I knew I needed to find other safe places though. âI love you, you know that right? I promise. This is going to be a good thing.â
âI love you too, Caity.â I sighed softly as I felt her lips press to the top of my head before the two of us pulled away.
âEls, take care of my baby sister or else Iâll have your head on a stick? Got it?â
âCrystal?â Ellie finally spoke up again with wide eyes as her hand made the âokayâ symbol.
âGood.â Caitlyn spoke before trotting back off towards the front door, âIâll see you both tonight and send you the details.â And with a charming smile she was headed out.
Ellie instantly let out a shiver the moment the door closed. âHas anyone ever told you that your sisterâs scary as fuck?â
âMany times.â I answered simply just in time to see Ellieâs face fall ever so slightly.
âSo, Iâm guessing it was a no from the latest publication house?â
âHow could you guess?â I frowned as I slumped against the wall like I was going to resign myself to the floor.
âYou had that aire of discouraged defeatism whenever you walked in.â She explained as she sidled up to me. âCheer up, Mills, modern poetry is so cringeworthy nowadays you might be better off going for songwriting anyways.â She added as she gently rubbed at my clothed arms.
âIf I canât even get a publication house to take me seriously then what makes you think I can actually get a songwriting deal?â I spoke as I finally pushed myself off of the wall.
âOne of the most popular songs out right now literally has the lyrics, âthatâs that me, espressoâ in it.â She rolled her eyes a bit to herself as she finally knelt down to grab the bags she had still yet to unpack.
âNo Sabrina Carpenter slander in this apartment, Williams. You know Iâm an OG. And I can relate to desperation.â I frowned in embarrassment as I crossed my arms across my chest.
âYeah yeah yeah, come and help me unpack, will you? Maybe we can find you something to wear tonight.â
âWhatâs wrong with what I have on?â I exclaimed almost in mild offense as I gestured towards the outfit that definitely had been hastily picked out. But it wasnât like it wasnât cute- ish at least.
âNothing, but care bear sweaters and leggings seems more like a comfy day outfit than a âgoing out to the pubâ outfit.â
âI thought it was going to be a comfy day until you completely blew my cover!â
âSorry babe, but I agree with your scary as fuck sister on this one. You need to get out more. Experience the pleasures of fresherâs week and you can take that in any way you want!â She shot a wink over her shoulder as she made her way down the skinny hallway to kick open her own door where a brutal floor to ceiling window already angrily cast its light on the room causing me to flinch.
âWe could always pretend to be girlfriends again if you want people to leave you alone in a, you know, romantic way.â Ellie added as she rushed across the room to pull the curtains shut and pat the empty space on her bed. Probably the only time itâd actually be made all semester.
âNah, if we do that too many times people will know weâre lying so best not to even start.â I answered as I took a seat on the side of her bed.
âWell if thatâs the case, how does this shirt look with⊠this flannel? What do you think? Chick magnet?â She grinned before whipping out a red and black checkered flannel from the mostly empty closet and pulling it on over the basic black band tee she already wore with a flourish.
âMaybe if theyâre emo?â I said with a little shrug as I scanned the band logo on her t-shirt causing her to groan in defeat.
âStill⊠somehow⊠always chronically bitchless.â She voiced before plopping down on the squeaky university issued beds. Though we were at least lucky enough to have double beds, it definitely wouldnât leave anything to the imagination if either of us decided to do any nsfw activities in them. Somehow I didnât feel like weâd have that problem though.
âShush, youâre not chronically bitchless. You have me!â I teased as I gave her shoulder a playful shove where she dramatically flopped onto her back.
âSo bitchless then?â She reiterated with a lifted brow as she glanced over at me.
âAt least youâve actually managed to kiss a girl once or twice.â I scowled as I inched over onto my side. Already catching myself pulling closer towards her.
âJust so weâre clear, I did offer.â
âYeah, only to get your first kiss out of the way.â I scoffed, though I curled up to her either way. Closing my eyes as I placed my head on her chest I hadnât realized how tired I had felt in the past 24 hours. They had been rough, a sea of anxiety and those exact meltdowns that Caitlyn was afraid of me having and her not being there to talk me down from.
âAnd? The offer never stopped standing.â She spoke just before I could feel her arms wrapping around me.
âGood to know, Els, Iâll let you know if I ever need to get a pity kiss from my best friend.â
âOh shut up, itâs not a pity kiss. Itâs me doing you a solid.â She remarked, as she nudged my foot with her leg. âYou manage to get any sleep last night?â She wondered just before letting her hands trace soothing circles on my back. I only shook my head as I felt the sting behind my eyes before I could even take any steps to stop it. The way you felt whenever you were already on the verge all day and someone finally asks if youâre okay. Curling my fingers into her flannel the annoying tears already soaked into the fabric of her shirt. âDo you wanna talk about it?â
A shake of my head only followed, I didnât know how to put anything into words really. How to explain to people that just wouldnât understand no matter how much they meant well and wanted to. How was someone even supposed to explain the fact that you were one of the most celebrated families of the most prestigious university in England yet somehow you still felt like the only person who didnât belong here sat on top of a mountain of rejection letters? Perhaps you could rather easily. But to actually say the words âIâm pretty sure I only got in because Iâm a Kirammanâ were a whole different story. Itâs why I took all those years off in the first place. I wanted to delay the inevitable of my dad paying off the admissions directors again while staring at me with the level of disappointment he never had to with Caitlyn.
I hadnât even realized the simple tears had turned into full out sobs until I heard Ellieâs gentle shush from above me and her arms holding me even tighter to her chest as she did so. âYouâre gonna be okay, Mills. I promise. Weâre gonna be just fine.â
~
I hadnât even noticed I had dozed off until my eyes cracked open again, noticeably faced away from the window and tucked underneath Ellieâs covers. My glasses sat propped up on her bedside dresser already casting a noticeable blur of the world around me. Meanwhile hushed voices seemed to speak from out in the hallway, walls much too thin to hide the noise.
Fighting back a yawn I shoved myself up onto my elbow to wipe at my dysfunctional eyes before stretching a hand out to pluck my glasses from the nearby table. Though I only jumped as the door was pushed open and Caitlynâs tall figure popped up into view. âHey pipsqueak, Ellie told me you werenât feeling the best after I left.â She said carefully as she grabbed my glasses to hand them over.
âI wished she wouldnât have.â I grumbled as I slid them onto my face only to hug my knees to my chest and glue my eyes to the bedsheets below.
âWhy not? Isnât that exactly what I told you to do? Mills, I wouldâve stayed-â
âBut- I-I donât wanna keep you from your responsibilities anymore, Caity!â I exclaimed with a frustrated groan, already digging at my eyes again while my head only throbbed from the aftermath. âI donât want you to have to tell this really important college society that you canât be there for your obligations because your mentally ill sister needs you to rescue her again!â
âYou are my responsibility, Amelia!â She snapped, the use of my rarely spoken full name making me wince as she pointed a stern finger at me. âYou will always be my number one priority because Iâm your big sister and itâs my job to protect you, no matter what. And I donât care what kind of deep shit I get into with the criminology department, okay? Because you come first, always!â
I tried to gulp back the same pathetic tears, but it turns out after you cry yourself to sleep for the millionth time maybe there really is a limit. âI didnât miss anything, did I?â I spoke up after a moment of silence, feeling Caitlynâs arm stretch around my shoulder as she took the spot next to me.
âNo, but I did do some thinking and if you really donât wanna go then I donât wanna pressure you.â She frowned, almost looking down in mild guilt until I leaned my head against her shoulder.
âNo⊠I do. I wanna go and make friends and new experiences and- t-try to be normal.â
âLovey, you are normal. Itâs the world that isnât.â Caitlyn frowned as she leaned her head against mine. Thankfully she only hesitated a moment though before she cleared her throat and spoke again, âIf you wanna go though we should probably start getting ready. If you want me to help you?â
âMaybe you can help me figure out what to wear? And do my hair in those little braids with the clips? And help me with my eyeliner?â
Caitlyn snickered a bit as I lifted my head from her shoulder. âThe eyeliner might be a little tricky but I can certainly try. Are you forgetting the prom incident where I quite literally gave you an eye infection?â
âThat was definitely just because of the glitter.â I shrugged before swinging my legs over the side of the bed and finally pushing myself up to my feet.
âThe eyeliner pen straight to the cornea certainly didnât help.â She reiterated.
Despite the various complications of having two not at all femme lesbians help me get ready though, I donât think I looked too terrible afterwards. I had settled on a simple black dress that fell just above the knee with little bows sat atop the straps. English autumns could either be comfortable or frigid though and the current temperature definitely wasnât comfortable so Ellie tossed me one of her blue flannels to wear over top. Of course claiming itâd be a calling card for all of the hot lesbians, if they didnât assume we were together first.
Calling the pub a âpubâ in an of itself was definitely generous. Besides the one or two older people having their relaxing evening out ruined by the loudmouthed 18+ filling the joint it felt more like a club than anything. Music blasted from the speakers as we stepped inside, Caitlyn on one side with a protective arm around my shoulders and Ellie on the other who looked more and more like she was never returning to America by the second.
Caitlyn immediately dragged us downstairs where most of the students had taken over. It wasnât hard to figure out which group of friends were hers. It was the largest one, who had currently swallowed the entire center of the room it seemed filling up leather stools and couches with red decorative pillows. âOi! Cait! Over here!â A familiar voice echoed from the large group, popping his head over everyone and waving the lot of us over.
âJayce? I thought he finished his masters last year.â I tried to speak over the noise where Caitlyn wrinkled her nose in response.
âHe did, guess the old man just canât get enough of us.â She answered, giving my arm a comforting squeeze as she pulled me along beside her.
The group was probably the most eccentric lot I had ever seen as we approached the cluttered table. Covered in empty and full beer bottles and other fruity drinks along with half burnt out cigarettes. A spread of tarot cards belonging to a skinny girl with the longest and brightest blue hair I had ever seen was currently being scooped up as well causing my eyes to widen in curiosity. A chorus of Caitlynâs name followed as usual, the usual life of the party whenever I wasnât there and she didnât have to babysit. I had almost managed to successfully tune most of the chaotic noise out though until I heard my name followed by the tightening of Caitlynâs arm around my shoulders once more.
âLads, this is my baby sister, Amelia. Treat her well or else Iâll kill you slowly and painfully.â She said with a little grin just as a stool was pulled out from where a pink haired individual sat manspreading on the plush couch.
âHave a seat, cupcake, we donât bite.â The girl smirked as she sat forward almost curiously. Also an American.
âI especially mean that towards you, Vi.â Caitlynâs expression morphed into a glare as she watched me cautiously lower myself onto the seat like it was going to give out below me any second. âOh, and this is Ellie- Ellie Williams. Also a fresher. Ellie, Mills, this is⊠Jinx, Ekko, Jesse, Dina, you obviously know Jayce, Abby-â
âBitch.â Ellie mumbled underneath her breath causing my eyes to widen for the thousandth time as she took the open seat next to me. âShe totally knocked my lights out during practice today.â
âYou have to have at least one light on to have them knocked out, Williams.â The muscular woman stated as she brought a glass of amber liquid up towards her mouth.
âWow, didnât realize hockey rivalries on the same team were a thing.â Caitlyn fought back a laugh as she went to take an empty seat of her own.
âOh you have no idea.â Ellie grumbled a bit to herself as she crossed her arms over her chest.
âWilliams? She yours?â Vi cleared her throat as she nodded in my direction.
âWho? Amelia? I-I mean I wouldnât complain but weâre just friends.â She answered immediately causing Viâs eyebrows to lift.
âSo- no intense feelings you guys are harboring or anything?â She questioned again as she stole glances between the two of us.
âUnless thereâs something sheâs not telling me?â Ellie wondered with a lifted brow as she looked towards me as if in confirmation. And it was then I realized how tightly I was clutching onto her hand below the table.
It wasnât as if the two of us hadnât thought about it. It wasnât as if I had spent a solid number of nights in her bed whenever things got really tough. Ultimately though we had decided what we had as best friends was far too intense or precious to fuck up over a relationship. And also just the sheer fact that dating somebody you met in a psychiatric facility disguised as a âwellness retreatâ was probably a bad idea.
âNo, just best friends.â I answered in a small voice with a simple shrug.
âOkay, so you wonât mind if I buy her a drink then?â
âCareful Vi.â Caitlyn growled from her spot on the couch across from her.
âUmmm, can you buy me a song on the jukebox instead?â I asked, and to my surprise a series of impressed sentiments filled the table. My eyes only furrowed in confusion however as I peered towards Ellie or Caitlyn for help, âWhat?â
âBecause Millie, that was smooth as fuck.â Ellie answered almost drawing a little laugh from my end.
âLucky for you, doll, I can buy you both.â Vi spoke as she held a bruised hand out for me to take.
Iâd be lying if I said I didnât feel any butterflies blooming in my chest at her words. The feeling of my heart kickstarting as I placed my hand in hers and let her lead me towards the bar. Her hand was warm and rough in my own, calloused but not in the way Ellieâs were from the constant plucking on her guitar. They were calloused in a far more aggressive way. I shouldâve known I was heading towards my own demise in that moment. Falling down a hole Iâd lose myself entirely in. An electric pull on my heartstrings that kept me close to her.
Fuck, I shouldâve known it was only the start.
A/N: I AM SOOOOO EXCITED TO GET THIS UP!!!! I wanna know all your thoughts!! Tell me everything!! Iâm so so SO beyond excited to write more of this Iâm screaming!!
Also- psa I know a ton of characters donât talk/arenât really in this one. I promise they will be further on! Just need to get an establishing shot first! đ€
#ttpd vi x reader#vi x reader#arcane#vi from arcane#vi x you#vi arcane#vi x oc#vi and jinx#vi fanfiction#vi and caitlyn#vi fanfic#caitlyn kiramman#league of legends caitlyn#caitlyn arcane#the last of us#ellie the last of us#ellie williams#ellie tlou#arcane fanfic#fanfic writing#fanfiction#fanfic
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So it's true, a Door appears
Hiii, Iâm back from the dead! As I mentioned before, lifeâs gotten much busier than it used to be, and Iâm truly sorry itâs taken me so long to wrap up this chapter. But I havenât forgotten about this story, so no worriesâthereâs still more to come! Let me know which trails youâd like to explore from here. As Iâve said, Iâll be stepping away from the seriesâ main trajectory, so if you have any preferences: Agathaâs trial, readerâs journey, or anything else, you name it, and Iâll be here to shape it <3
Summary: The path through the Witches' Road begins, defying all odds.
previous chapter
âUhm a little more to the left, no, no rightââ you instructed, your head tilting as you followed the festoon Teen was trying to hang above the chimney in your lounge room.
âDoes it look centered?â He asked, glancing back at you.
You studied it for a moment, then nodded, âI sâpose.â as if drawn by instinct, your gaze shifted to Agatha, standing quietly behind you. Perhaps too quietly. âWhat do you say?âÂ
The witch did her best to stifle an eye roll at your question. Why you were indulging the kid was beyond her, in all honesty. You even set out a few snacks on the table, as if this was supposed to be some kind of party. She sighed, her tongue peeking out as she walked up to the festoon. âLet me seeâŠâ Agathaâs nerves werenât about snacks or decorations, though. Time was running out. In a few hours, the sun would set, meaning that if Rio was right, the Salem Seven would pay her a visit. And not a courtesy one.Â
Before either you or the boy could stop her, she made a swift, deliberate movement, tearing the paper off the wall with precision. âThere. Much better,â she grinned, stepping back satisfied. Â
The boy snorted, opening his mouth as if to protest, but quickly thought better of it. Arguing with someone like Agatha was a losing battle. You dropped your hands, with a weary sigh, offering the boy a sympathetic glance. Â
Turning back to Agatha, you gave her a playful but exasperated look. âDid it bother you so much you couldnât hold yourself?âÂ
She nodded, âit was giving me hives.âÂ
You rolled your eyes.Â
âYou shouldâve left it up.â You three turned at once and found Jennifer Kale roaming in the lounge room. âIt made the environment look less⊠gloomy.âÂ
âJennifer! You made itââ Teenâs face lit up. âPlease, take a seat.âÂ
âHe acts like he owns the house,â Agatha drew closer to you, her sweeping coat touching your legs as she did.Â
You leaned into her, an amused twinkle flashed in your eyes. âOnly a couple of hours ago, you were ready to give it away, so.âÂ
âPleaseââ She scoffed and pulled you closer by wrapping an arm around your middle. âYou know, I didnât mean it.âÂ
âDid you?â You asked sarcastically, fingers moving softly, tracing delicate, flowing patterns across her arm.Â
She huffed, as she buried you deeper against her chest, âdonât push it, my love.â
âYouâre bound, arenât you?â It was Lilia to speak.Â
Both you and Agatha looked between Jen and Lilia.Â
It was clearly an awkward question to ask, and not much appreciated by the potion witch, who gave her a fake smile in return. âWoah, arenât you clear-sighted?â
The older one nodded proudly, missing the sourness in Jenâs tone. âLilia Calderu. Divination. Nice to meet you,â she bowed her head in a form of courtesy that wasnât exactly reciprocated.Â
âJennifer Kale. Potions,â she began. The corners of her lips turned up, when she added, âby the way, you need a chemical peel.â
Agatha whistled, clearly enjoying it, âwitches being witches, huh?â she mused, as fingers rubbing at your hips, absentmindedly. You couldnât help the grin crossing your lips. âWell, at least one is easy to rile up,â you tumbled, referring to Jen.Â
Agathaâs eyes drifted off to the open window to her left. The sun was setting. âItâs almost timeâŠâ
âYeah,â you swallowed and tried to hide the slight worry manifesting in your eyes.Â
âThis is never going to workâŠâ Alice commented, as she stepped in the living room at a careful pace, as if she was walking on eggshells. Or.. on a battlefield.Â
You were surprised, and so was Agatha. Three witches joined the meeting! It was going better than you expected in all honesty.Â
âAlice! You made it!â Teen exclaimed, his excitement pulling him forward. The younger witch tensed up when he opened his arms to hug her. It was brief and awkward. âSorry, I-I got carried away. Iâm just glad you all showed up.â
She stepped back, with a tight smile. âNo worries,â she waved him off, then turned, looking at you and the others. âHi everyoneââ
You gave her a nod of your head and so did Agatha. Jen and Lilia introduced themselves, second.Â
âHow did you find the house?â Teen asked. âI didnât give you any address.â
Alice shrugged with her hands tucked in the back pockets of her black jeans. âIâm an ex-cop, kid. Iâve got some experience up my sleeve.âÂ
It made sense, so he nodded. âRight. Cool.âÂ
You witches exchanged a glance, then. It struck you that, against all the odds, a Coven had been formed. For a fleeting moment, you allowed yourself to entertain the fantasy that those witches could really become yours and Agathaâs sisters. A family, perhaps? No hate, no deception, no manipulation. Just pure, unbroken sisterhood. But the reality of the situation soon hit you, because you and Agatha gathered them with a purpose, to suck away part of their magic and allow Agatha to get back on top. It was very unlikely that they would have stuck around after figuring out the truth.Â
âWell, the gang's here,â Agatha announced in thrill anticipation. âLetâs hit the Road, shall we?âÂ
âWait, wait,â Jen interjected, with a frown. If an eyeroll could make a sound, Agathaâs would scream. âWhereâs our Green Witch?â She inquired.Â
You winced. Of course, that know-it-all witch would notice.Â
Agatha scoffed, playing naive. âOh, do we really need one of those?âÂ
âOf course we do,â Lilia pointed out, supporting Jen on this.Â
How nice, they were already picking sides, you thought.
Alice remained silent, likely deep in thought. She was the skeptical one, though her reasons were different from Liliaâs and Jenâs. Part of her doubted the Witchesâ Road even existed, dismissing it as nothing more than a mythâa clever con. By extension, she saw you and Agatha as little more than liars. And yet, curiosity had won out in the end. Thatâs why she was here. She had nothing to lose, only something to gain.Â
âI assure you, we donât, Lilia,â you moved from Agathaâs grip, much to her displeasure, and walked up to the other witches. âWe can manage just fine.â
âThe Ballad clearly says wake thy power, earthly and divine,â Agathaâs eyes clenched for a moment at Jenâs lofty tone.Â
If you were to make a ranking, youâd put Jennifer on top, as the most irritating of the three. Alice was your favorite for now.Â
âIâm willing to take over,â you said confidently.Â
Lilia, Jennifer and even Alice faced you with their eyes squinted. Teen was the only one showing a bit of trust, apart from Agatha obviously.Â
You sighed. âYouâll agree with me when I say that I am a kind of Green Witch, after all.âÂ
Jen licked the inside of her cheek. You could sense her question before she had time to spill it out. âFrom which perspective are you saying that, exactly?âÂ
Yes, she was definitely the most annoying of the three.Â
 You stepped closer, trying to keep your frustration at bay. âAre you for real? I can create life.â
âYou can reverse death, yes,â Jen corrected you. âThereâs a difference.âÂ
You rolled your eyes, an amused scoff slipped from your lips. âNo, there isnât. And, with all due respect, what would you know about my skill?â Â
âEveryone knows what a necromancer witch can and cannot do,â she argued stubbornly.Â
âUgh!â You groaned. The nerve. âWell, everyoneâs knowledge is a bit sketchy, I dare to say. Nobody knows what Iâm capable of better than myself.â
Jen puffed her cheek skeptically. âYou canât make anything from scratch, can you?âÂ
Your nostrils flared, then. What did she know about you? About the life you had painstakingly pieced together from nothing? The life that truly matteredânow gone. Agatha, Rio, and you had created something beautiful together: your son. But they couldnât see that. They were blind, clueless in their ignorance.
Agathaâs sharp eyes caught the tension in your jaw. She walked up to you and touched your shoulder, in a both comforting and firm way. âSee, thatâs where youâre wrong, you dolt. Because she can. She did that onceââ she began, her voice trembling a bit. Your brows furrowed as you faced her, eyes dimming in concern at the memories she was conjuring up. Those being the same as yours.Â
The potion witch sighed. âIâm just saying that Earth magic is the most important skill set for an attempt at the Road, thatâs all.â
âAnd Iâm telling you I possess that,â you insisted.Â
Agatha ignored Jenâs mumbling after that. âIf youâre sure.âÂ
You nodded, searching for her eyes, âI am. You can trust me,â your voice came out gentler.Â
It wasnât hard to understand their skepticism toward you. Agatha wasnât the only one carrying the weight of a reputation. Yours was there too, etched into you, much harder to explain. You had been marked by the deities of vengeance, after all. But the truth as to why that happened was known only by Agatha and Rio.Â
âHer power is unlike any other. It doesnât fit neatly into your categories of âearthlyâ or âdivine.â It transcends both. So pleaseââ Agatha intruded, âunless you truly understand what you're talking about, I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself.â
No one dared to argue after that.Â
You ran your tongue over your lips, a slow smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. The surge of emotion rising within you was impossible to ignoreâa potent mix of gratitude and something deeper, something more primal. Desire, perhaps. There was no denying it: Agatha was undeniably sexy when she acted all protective towards you.Â
âThanks, Aggies,â you whispered.Â
Her eyes softened as she took in your features.Â
âBut, wait-â Teen tumbled out, brows furrowed, âIâm not saying she canât take over but there was one more name on the list, wasnât it?âÂ
You didnât say whereas Agatha preceded you with a lie. âThere really wasnât.â
He didnât buy it. His eyes darted from her to you, his expression begging for a more honest answer, but you kept quiet, unable to say that name.Â
He glanced at Lilia, then. âWhat was the last name?âÂ
She pursed her lips, in thought. âUhm.. I think it was Spanish or maybe Catalan, Iâm not sureââ she began, as she gathered her thoughts. It was really on the tip of her tongue. âRio, perhaps?â
You clenched your eyes, letting out a deep sigh through your nose. Teenâs smirk grew as recognition flashed across his face. The name said it all. He remembered it. Remembered her. No wonder you and Agatha had been so reluctant to include her in the trip. She wasnât just anyoneâshe was the ex. And not just any ex, but the kind who, on top of everything else, wished you dead. Who in their right mind would willingly sign up for a journey with someone like that?Â
âAhâ Rio, yes. Sheâs out of town,â Agatha hurried to say.Â
Liar, Teen thought, but he kept it to himself.Â
âSheâd be more trouble than anything, honestly,â you explained, looking at each of them alternately.Â
âShe is telling the truth,â Teen replied.Â
âOkay so everything is settled,â Agatha rubbed her hands, and swept her tongue over her lips. She was dying to feel her power flowing back in her body. âTeen, be a dear and be sure Señor Scratchy has enough lettuce. Sammy tends to eat it all.âÂ
You scoffed at that. âAgain with this story? Stop assuming my turtle is a thief, Agatha.âÂ
âIâm not assuming,â she quipped. âIâm certain of it.âÂ
Teen gave you and Agatha an uncertain smile. âWith all due respect, I donât think itâs relevant that I do that. Shouldn't we get going?âÂ
âTeen, the Road is conjured,â you explained calmly, placing a hand over his shoulder. How cute and naive could he be? âWe donât physically go there by car, broom or something.â
âOh,â he nodded, a tad flustered to have assumed it the wrong way. âHaven't thought of that.âÂ
Agathaâs head lolled to the side, her bottom lip popped out kinda mockingly. âIsnât he the cutest pet we have ever had, love?â
You giggled. âAgatha, he isnât our pet. Quit calling him that.âÂ
âSuch a spoilsport you are,â she fake pouted, flapping at your arm playfully. Her eyes darted to the boy after. âLet us just do our thing, okay? We will call you once weâre done.âÂ
âFine,â he muttered with a nod, before walking up the stairs.Â
âSo, just to be clear,â Alice interjected. âWe can still walk the Witchesâ Road without a Green Witch.â
You nodded, âcorrect.â
âWe will summon one on the Road, if itâs really really necessary,â Agatha added, eager to get started.Â
ââkay, but you never saidââ, Alice began. âWhatâs the rush?âÂ
You kinda preferred her when she was quiet and indifferent.Â
Agatha was doing her best to maintain her composure. There wasnât much else she could do, so for now, feigning cordiality was her only option. âUhm.. well, you see-â Her voice was laced with that falsely sweet tone that made it hard for you to keep from laughing. She gestured toward you, and when her palm met the small of your back, you glanced at her with suspicion. What was she cooking up now? âHer parents are visiting and I really canât be bothered with that, if you catch my drift.âÂ
What a low blow. Undoubtedly a good excuse, but still.Â
âFair enough,â Lilia commented. The others seemed convinced, too.Â
âI canât believe you said that,â you pointed out. Â
She leaned closer and whispered in your ear. âYou know, in extremisâŠâ
A soft laugh escaped your lips, and before you could say another word, you felt her lipsâplump and softâpress gently against your cheek. The warmth of the touch silenced any objections that lingered on the tip of your tongue. Oh, she knew she had you wrapped around her little finger.Â
âCome on now, letâs hit the Road!â Â
*
âIt cannot beââ you stuttered, voice barely above a whisper. Your eyes were locked on the carved outline of a door embedded in the basement floor. It hadnât been there before. You were certain of it, absolutely certain. So⊠how?
The others didnât notice, too caught up in their heated argument to see what had just appeared. But it couldnât be, could it? The Road wasnât real. The Ballad was just a song, you, Agatha and your son made up once upon a time. So what was that?Â
Agatha let out an exasperated growl. âI really donât have time for thisââÂ
She didnât even glance in your direction, oblivious to your fingertips brushing over the strange, impossible surface of the door.Â
âJust blast me, you bitches!â
âEnough!â You snapped, finally catching everyoneâs attention. Your magic vibrated like a sudden summer breeze, it swayed your hair and turned your eyes silver for a moment. Choked gasps slipped from the others, their gazes dropped over the floor, where now there was a door. The same door youâd thought couldnât exist, let alone be summoned.Â
Agatha was speechless, as she drew in a breath with wide eyes.Â
âAre you seeing this too?â If this was another cruel trick played by the Furies, you werenât sure your mind could withstand the torment again. âTell me you are,â your voice came out almost as a plea.Â
âYesââ Alice breathed out. âWe did it.â
âSo it would seem,â Lilia chuckled nervously.Â
Jenâs brow furrowed, eyes drifting to Agathaâs. âWhy does she look so shocked?âÂ
When Agatha didnât respond, you did, âItâs been a while, can you really blame her?âÂ
When she lowered herself beside you, her lips pressed into a tight line, a clear sign of her inner turmoil. Knowing her, she was probably spiraling into a quiet panic. Without hesitation, you reached out, your hand gently rubbing soothing circles on her back. âHey,â you murmured softly, your voice laced with concern. âAre you okay?â
Agatha gave you a faint nod of her head. âIâll admit,â she began, her gaze drifting off to Jen. âIâm surprised youâre not the hopeless bunch of rejects I thought you were.â
âYouâre the worst,â Jen groaned, in an accusatory tone.Â
You sighed. âWill you cut it out? Help meââ You gritted your teeth as you gripped and tugged at the doorâs handles, straining against its resistance. Jen shot Agatha one last glare, which Agatha met with a smirk, before they both finally stepped forward. Along with Lilia and Alice.Â
With a sharp, resonating creak, the door burst open. Your eyes fixed on a flight of stairs leading further down the floor. Where precisely you didnât know. A greenish blow came from it, illuminating the path to the⊠Witchesâ Road.Â
âAgatha!â Teenâs voice came in a panicked squeal, as he rushed down the basement exactly where you were standing, âis that it? Cause we should really get going. Like right now!âÂ
You heard an explosion, coming from upstairs and sensed magic. It was ancient, angry and just for a change, very powerful.Â
âThe Salem SevenâŠâ you whispered, eyes widening a bit.Â
The other witches didnât need to be told twice and hurriedly took to the stairs, leaving you and Agatha behind. You stalled, before half yelling, âWhat the heck is this?âÂ
Agatha waved her hands and stuttered out. âIt looks like a door to me.âÂ
You scoffed incredulously, âwell, obviously itâs a door. But I meantââ
Before you could say another word, one of the Salem Seven began crawling down the stairs toward you and Agatha. Each movement sent an unsettling chorus of pops and creaks through her bones, as though her very body was possessed by a demoniac force.Â
You used your magic to shove the woman away. The witch let out an ear-piercing shriek, her lips curling to reveal jagged teeth. Your stomach twisted as you stumbled back, unsure if you were facing a witch or some feral, inhuman creature.
 âGo, go, go, go!â Your eyes widened as you prompted Agatha to take the stairs.Â
Agatha grasped your hand, pulling you with her, âyou donât have to tell me twice, my love.â
#agatha harkness#agatha harkness x reader#agathario x reader#kathryn hahn x reader#agatha all along#AAA#wlw#the witches' road
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Youtiful: Another Collision Story - Chapter 2
âËâčá° Pairing; Stray Kids x afab!reader
âËâčá° âËâčá° Summary; Itâs been a wonderful tour so far, spending time visiting different countries with the loves of your life. But will a sudden change ruin everything? A continuation to Collision
âËâčá° âËâčá° âËâčá° Warnings; implied afab reader (only they/them pronouns used for reader), angst, some sexual themes at points, fluff, this is still mainly a slice of life story though there will be some drama in this sequel, unplanned pregnancy, more tags to come most likely as the story progresses
The airport was loud, causing you to have a splitting headache as you tried to rest leaning against Changbinâs strong body in the seat beside you while waiting for your flight to be called. âFeeling any better, baby?â Hyunjin whispered as he took a seat on the other side of you. âUm- not really? My head just really hurtsâŠâ The dancer nodded a bit as he thought, pulling out some snacks from his bag to offer you. âMaybe your blood sugar is low? Why donât you try to eat something.â
The smell coming from the bag held out to you made your stomach wretch and you were out of your seat in seconds, hanging over the edge of the nearest trashcan as you emptied what little breakfast you had been able to hold down into the bin. Both men gave each other worried glances before Hyunjin called out softly to their leader. âChannie hyung- help?â The oldest turned around from where he was discussing something with their manager to see you slowly lifting your head from the trashcan and lock eyes with him. âStar? Oh gosh, honey-â he was at your side in a second, rubbing your back as someone placed a handful of paper towels in his hand to help clean your face. âAre you sure youâre up for getting on the plane, baby? You know one of us can stay back with you for a day or two until you feel up to flying.â
You were shaking your head before he could finish his sentence, giving him a weak smile. âIâm fine Chris, promise.â With a deep breath you stood up a bit and made your way over to the womenâs room. âIâm sure itâs just the change of the seasons getting to meâŠjust gonna go wash my mouth out real quick-â Chan watched as the door closed behind you, lips pursed together as he walked over to where Hyunjin and Changbin still sat with confusion laced in their shared expressions. âWhat happened?â His voice was soft yet serious, taking up the seat you had previously been occupying.
Hyunjin shrugged, holding up the snacks he had offered to you. âTheir head was hurting so I offered them some incase they just needed to eat- ya know Lix and Minnie said they didnât eat much for breakfast before leaving either.â As Chan himself caught a whiff of whatever was in the bag held up in his boyfriendâs hands he gagged a bit. âOkay those reek, Jinnie- no wonder Star hurled.â He teased, laughing at the youngerâs pout as he put his snacks back in his bag. âYouâre such a meanie! Those are absolutely delicious, thank you very much.â
While his boyfriends continued to tease one another, Changbin kept his eyes glued to the bathroom door as his mind began to wander. No, you couldnât be. He shook his head lightly to clear it of such thoughts. Surely you would tell them if something so serious was happening. He made a mental note to check in on you after you had landed and got checked into the hotel. âHan!â He called out, getting up to make his way over to where Felix had himself practically wrapped around him. âYeah, Binnie?â Big boba eyes looked up at his fellow rapper, blinking a few times as he waited for the older to tell him what he needed. âSwitch places with me and let Star stay with me for the first stop?â
Jisung pouted, arms coming to cross over his chest as best they could with the freckled dancer still draped around him. âAnd why should I? We agreed age order from youngest to oldest and itâs my turn!â Changbin rolled his eyes playfully and gave a light slap to the youngerâs arm. âIâm just worried about them. They arenât feeling well and I wanted to be able to keep an eye on them and take care of them.â He confessed, looking down at his shoes bashfully causing both of his boyfriends to coo at his shyness. âAwe Binnie thatâs so sweet!â Felix chirped, rubbing Hanâs shoulders rapidly with the cuteness aggression he was feeling.
The younger rapperâs smile fell quickly the more he thought, pout back on his lips as he looked up at Changbin. âBut wait a minute why canât I take care of them? What difference would it make-â Felix gave him a light slap this time, pouting back at him. âYou know how Bin is- come on just swap with him!â At the persistence of both men, Jisung relented. âOkay fineâŠStar can stay with you this stop- but no take backs! I get the turn after Jinnie! Felix as my witness!â
Changbin relaxed a bit knowing your spot in his room that night had been secured. âDeal! Thanks Hannie~â The older wished he could lean down and give his boyfriend a kiss as thanks but knew that was not doable in such a public space, so he settled for blowing him one instead before practically skipping back over to his seat with Hyunjin and Chan. By now you had returned from the restroom and sitting in the seat he once occupied. âHi baby! I just talked to Han and he agreed to switch places with me so youâll be with me at this first stop.â
You raised an eyebrow at him in question, looking behind him at where Felix and Han both gave you a smile and a wave. âOh-Kay? Any reason?â You gave your boyfriend a smile to let him know you werenât upset by the change, only curious as to why. âJust missed you lately and wanted some time with you sooner is all! Is that a crime?â He teased, about to sit beside Hyunjin in the empty spot on his other side when the sound of your flight being called echoed through the loud speakers. âIâm still sitting with Innie on the flight, though. I promised him Iâd help him choose what photos to post next to Instagram.â
The rapper nodded his head, helping you up as your head spun slightly and your nausea felt like it could be returning. âFine by me, as long as I get you to myself for the week!â With a wink, Changbin headed off after the others to board the plane. You fell in line as well, Jeongin coming up beside you to link arms with a dimpled smile. âExcited to be back in the states?â He asked, head tilting to the side cutely as he looked at you expectantly. âYeah kinda! We are going mostly to places Iâve never beenâŠ.I mean- America is so big and we are only making a few stops in comparison but it will be nice to see new places.â You attempted to explain, watching as he nodded in understanding. âIâm glad you can come with us and experience everything.â The youngerâs voice was soft, fingers intertwining with yours the second you were sat in your seats. âMe too, Innie.â You leaned over to place a kiss over his dimpled cheek causing them to deepen even more as his smile grew wider.
While on the flight you tried to focus on whatever conversations you were pulled into with your youngest boyfriend. However, your mind continued to wonder to the small version of one of them currently growing inside you and what you were going to do regarding the issue. Every time you thought about how difficult life would become with a child added into the mix, both for you and the boys, you felt the right decision was to terminate the pregnancy. But the thought of termination caused tears to well in your eyes and an unease to settle deep in your bones.
You never really thought about having children, but now that it was possibly happening you couldnât help but imagine it. Even though you felt that for the sake of your boyfriendsâ and their careers you shouldnât keep it, you werenât sure thatâs what you really wanted. As you drifted off to sleep sometime during the flight you found yourself caught in a dream where you had decided to keep the baby, raising it along side the kids happily.
The scenes played in your mind rapidly.
Your sweet Changbin cradling the tiny infant close to his muscular chest, his physique making the tiny human look even smaller as he would look at them with so much love and adoration.
Jisung rocking the baby to sleep or soothing them when they got fussy by singing in such a gentle voice it pulled at the strings of your heart and made you fall for him just that much more.
Seungmin who would obsess over making sure everything was perfectly safe, especially once the little one started to crawl and walk, going baby proofing crazy and storming around the dorm like a man gone mad with a tool belt around his waist and a power drill in his hand.
Hyunjin, ever the artist, painting your bump each month for pictures as your little baby grew inside of you. When they were finally born he would inside on taking foot prints each month as well for a project he was keeping to himself, a surprise for you all.
Your precious Innie who would make sure that any time he went out with the baby they were dressed in matching outfits. He would take a million and one pictures of the two of them, so proud to be a father with the most best dressed baby on the planet. No, universe.
Felix who when he first saw the little bundle laid on your chest in the hospital, tears welling in his eyes before finally spilling over once the baby was placed in his arms. Ever since then he would cry any time the infant would, somehow instantly quieting the child as they would stare at him with wide eyes as if shocked by the action.
Minho who would cook almost endlessly in a quest to find something the now growing toddler would eat, refusing to purchase the overpriced and over processed baby food from the store. He insisted no child of his would ever eat bland mush as long as he was around.
And your lovely Chan, working in the studio as usually but now with a babbling toddler sat in his lap, pudgy little fingers attempting to smash at the keyboard he was currently working on but instead of getting upset he would calmly take the little hands in his own and beam down at them with such a soft expression, speaking in the same baby voice he would with his beloved pet Berry, talking about how his baby wanted to be just like him and be a producer someday.
When you woke, jostled slightly by your youngest boyfriend who sat beside you, you looked around frantically as if you were missing something. When it dawned on you that you had only been dreaming, and there was no child for you to hold and care for, your eyes began to glass over with tears and you let out a few warning sniffles before the dam burst and you were openly sobbing in your seat. The sound of your cries alerted your boyfriends who were in the process of gathering their things to leave the plane now that it had landed.
âStar, baby? Whatâs wrong-â Jisung, who had been sitting in the isle across from you, crouched down beside you to wipe away your tears gently. The sweet gesture only served to make you cry even more, body trembling as you reached out and clung to him as Jeongin struggled to help undo your seatbelt for you.
The boys all stood watching with concern, no one else stepping forward for fear that they may crowd you and make it worse. Once Jeongin got the seatbelt undone you fully flung yourself into Jisungâs arms, knocking him back onto the isle floor with the force as he held you protectively. âHey, baby. Iâm here, Iâve got you.â You slowly began to calm down, face buried in the crook of his neck, taking deep breaths to match his own as you felt his chest move with your own.
When you were finally calm enough you pulled back, wiping away your tears as you stood. âStar? What was all that aboutâŠ.â Jeongin spoke softly, coming up behind you with both of your carryons slung over his shoulders. âI just- um- bad dreamâŠâ You looked down, feeling bad for lying to them. It wasnât a bad dream, not at all. It was such a lovely and idealistic dream that caused your heart to feel like had been ripped out of your chest when you awoke to see it wasnât real. But it could beâŠit was already partially real and the fact that you enjoyed the dream so much just confused you more as to what decision would be the right one. You needed to tell them, soon. But for now you focused on getting out of the plane and into the cars that would take you to the hotel youâd be staying in for the week.
Once you were finally settled in the hotel with Changbin, the your boyfriend insisted you lay down for a nap and that he would wake you before they ordered dinner. You werenât going to argue, your head hurting and the nausea having kept you up most nights leading up to the trip. You werenât sure if it was from the tiny human growing inside you or the stress of trying to figure out what to do about said tiny human.
You curled up on the soft hotel mattress and your loving boyfriend tucked you in with a soft kiss to your temple, letting you know he was going to be in Chanâs room to work on some new music they had some ideas for. He wasnât lying entirely, he was going to Chanâs room. They all were.
He made his way across the hall and gave a few sharp knocks before the door was opening and Jeongin was pulling him inside rather harshly. âWoah- no need to manhandle me Ayen-ah!â He laughed, watching as the youngest closed the door and made his way back over to where Felix was curled up on the couch to cuddle up to him. âSomething is wrong with Star, likeâŠ.really wrong.â Han speaks up first, hands rubbing nervously over his bouncing knees before Minho reaches over to still them. âWell clearly- but they donât seem to want to talk about itâŠâ Hyunjin says, his eyebrows furrowed as he seemed to be lost in his confusion. âI think I know whatâs wrong.â Changbin spoke up, voice quiet which was a rare occurrence. All eyes fell on him expectantly, Chan stepping up to him with arms crossed over his chest and a look of worry obviously painted across his face. âBin?â
Taking a deep breath, the rapper ran a hand through his hair nervously before answering. âI think Star could be pregnant.â
Blank stares met his eyes as he looked over all of his boyfriends. Within seconds the room erupted into chaos. Hyunjin looked like he had seen a ghost, Seungminâs expression not much better. Chan held an unreadable expression though there were hints of worry and disbelief hidden there. Felix was teary eyed as he looked around. âP-Pregnant? Like with our baby?â This caused Minho to scoff, the second oldest holding a slightly amused expression. âYa! Who elseâs baby would it be?â He looked around at the group with a pointed finger. âAlright fess up, whoâs been hitting it raw?â Minho tried to lighten the mood. Even though he was joking a few hands suddenly raised slowly. Han, Jeongin, and not surprisingly Chan all held their hands up bashfully. âSeriously??â Seungmin stared with wide, disbelieving eyes. âThey were on birth control! We didnât think we would end up like this-â Han shouted in defense, a pout evident on his face.
Minho rubbed his back gently, giving a kiss to his head. âHey, we arenât accusing you of murder or anything I was only teasing. Didnât expect any of you to fess up.â
The room fell silent, all of them staring off into space before Hyunjin finally spoke up in an almost dreamy voice. âWeâreâŠ.we could be dads.â Thatâs what caused the tears to finally fall from Felix as he held on to Jeongin, crying onto his shoulder as the youngest gently ran his fingers through his hair even though there were tears in his own eyes making his vision slightly blurred.
âGuys I could be wrong- letâs not get to ahead of ourselves! I just- I remember this is kinda how my sister was when she was pregnant with my nephewâŠitâs why I wanted them to stay with me this week so I could maybe keep an eye on them and make sure they are okay if that is the caseâŠmaybe get them to feel comfortable enough to tell me.â
Chan frowned, sweaty palms running over his thighs nervously. âBut why wouldnât they tell us already? What if they arenât pregnant and itâs something really bad- Iâm gonna go talk to them-â Changbin stopped him, bringing the oldest in for a tight hug as he rubbed his back soothingly. âHyung please- sheâs resting now. Iâm almost positive thatâs whatâs going onâŠtrust me? She may just be overwhelmed and trying to find the right time. We havenât exactly all been available as of late.â
All eyes were cast downwards as they realized he was speaking nothing but the truth. With the comeback and then the world tour right after they had been so busy that any time spent with their beloved partner was fleeting and brief or not all of them were present. If what Changbin was suggesting was true then it would be something you would want to tell them all together, and so it made sense you would be waiting for the right time.
Slowly everyone began to calm down, minds running wild with the news that they would be fathers this very moment at the possibility there was a baby growing inside of you. They didnât know for sure yet and so they all silently agreed to wait for you to say something about it first for fear of getting it wrong. For all they knew you were coming down with the flu and if they mentioned to you that you could be pregnant it could only upset you further, as your emotional state as of late could be from anything from stress at work to missing your boyfriends as they got busier with their own work.
That night Changbin tells them to eat without the two of you, instead the rapper ordered you both room service and woke you gently by slipping into bed behind you and pulling you against his strong chest. âHmph-Binnie?â You mumbled, sleep still muddling your mind. âItâs me, baby. Since you seemed so tired I decided the two of us could just eat in here tonight? Is that okay?â You smiled softly, nodding as you rolled over in his arms to face him. âIâm not gonna complain about getting some one on one time with you, Binnie~â Changbin beamed at you, his dimple showing causing you to reach up and poke it. He giggled, pulling you closer as he peppered your face in soft kisses.
These were the moments you lived for, feeling safe and loved. You thought back to your current predicament, eyes closing as you remembered the dream from the plane. MaybeâŠthis would be okay? Maybe it wouldnât complicate things as much as you were worrying about? Still, doubt crept into your mind as you took a shaky breath. âEverything okay, baby? Is my starlight still feeling icky?â You nodded and slowly sat up as to not trigger your nausea. âNot too bad right now, my head just hurts a bit? Iâll be okay though.â Changbin hummed softly, admiring you from where he still laid back against the soft pillows. He had to fight the urge to reach out and run a hand over your stomach, his thoughts still running wild with the images of you pregnant with his baby. Their baby.
The food arrived shortly after and even though you had to struggle to keep it down, you managed alright and afterwards Changbin drew a warm bath for the both of you. Once you were settled with your back resting against his chest and the bubbles he had added lightly tickling your bare skin you began to feel better. âA bubble bath?â You giggled, finally acknowledging it as you looked at him from over your shoulder. Your boyfriend laughed as well, scooping up a handful before bringing it to his chin to make a fake beard. âYup, just so I could do this! Do you think Iâd look good with facial hair?â You snorted, scooping up some of your own to create your own beard. âI dunnoâŠwould I?â This caused the both of you to erupt in infectious laughter, the rest of the bath spent more peacefully until the water became too cold and you both ended up wrapped in each others arms in bed, bare limbs tangled as Changbin kissed you softly in between whispers of how much he adored you. You told him the same, of course, listing off everything about him that you found endearing.
That is how you drifted off to sleep, feeling oh so loved and oh so safe, hope wrapping around you as you dreamed yet again of what the future could be if you were to start a family with the absolute loves of your life.
authorâs note: I know I left you guys hanging with this story for long enough- Iâm so sorry it took this long to get chapter 2 out but you guys should all give a big thanks to @chancloud8 for helping me get out of the slump I was having regarding the dream part of the fic- I wasnât exactly sure what direction I wanted to go and the inner conflict Star is having was just- idk I really hope I got it across how I wanted- Iâm not gonna make you all wait much longer for ch3 so please be a little patient as I at the very least update Connected and Going Dumb before another Youtiful update. I hope you all enjoy~
taglist; (pink users I wasnât able to tag) @softkisshyunjin @coastinglove @palindrome969 @amara-mars @whiteghostt @ihrtlix @queen-in-the-shadows @soaplickerrr @skzswife @reallysparklychaos @sebastianswhore13 @velvetmoonlght @katsukis1wife @chancloud8 @corgilover20
#stray kids#skz#stray kids fanfic#skz fanfic#stray kids x reader#skz x reader#stray kids bang chan#stray kids lee know#stray kids changbin#stray kids hyunjin#stray kids han#stray kids felix#stray kids seungmin#stray kids i.n#ot8 x you#skz ot8#ot8 x reader#stray kids ot8#ot8#afab reader
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Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 17
Summary: Negan gets a visit from Y/N after the fight he had with Joel and she has him make a very emotional promise to her. Joel opens up to his brother about something he kept locked away for many years.
Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, Tommy Miller, Lucille Smith, etc.
AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/157173025 Warnings:Â Swearing, Severe Angst, Smut, talks about someone wanting to hurt themselves, a character has memories about what it felt to experience both abuse and homophobia from their parent, mental trauma from a character, etc.
Notes: This chapter I just edited and finished at 430 in the morning. I'm trying to keep up with schedules, but I know I'm falling behind and I'm doing my best! This chapter has someone talking about their past and the homophobia they had to face when they were younger. Especially in terms of their family. It is emotional and it could trigger some if they have ever been in this situation. I just want to put it out there.
Overwhelmed would be an understatement for Negan right now. After everything that happened today, it was really hard to focus on one thing. Dropping his head back against the couch, Negan reached up to cover his eyes releasing a stressed exhale. He was trying to focus on anything other than the throbbing that he was feeling in his knee right now. After all the injuries that Negan had experienced from playing baseball, he knew what it felt like when he was severely injured. This was not that kind of pain, but it certainly did fucking hurt. And it hurt bad. But it was the kind of ache that he would get when he overworked his knee. Not so much the pain of a horrible injury.
To help with the pain, there was a bag of ice wrapped around his knee while he was laid stretched out on the couch. Even with his eyes closed it felt like the room was spinning around him. It was probably from a mixture of the pain along with the adrenaline that was fueling through him. There was a dull ache in his fists along with his face since he had gotten into a fight with Joel even though he tried so very hard to not let it happen.
Disappointment was flooding through his veins as well. For so long he did pretty well with handling Joel, but tonight Joel went too far and made him snap. And that was bad because Y/N was right. Joel was drunk and he had no filtering system. Fighting with Joel while he was drunk made no sense, but once Joel started spouting off about Lucille, he couldnât contain himself.
A faint knocking drew him to drag his palms down over his face. Turning his head toward the door, Negan sighed loudly when there was a second knock alerting him that he wasnât making up the sound in his head. Lifting his head up from the couch, Negan wondered if his knee could make the trip to the door or if it was even worth it. Forcing himself up, he pushed up onto his hands and it probably took him way too long to get up from the couch. Setting down the bag of ice, he limped over toward the door and reached for the handle. Bracing most of his weight on his good leg, Negan felt his heart sink when he opened the door to see Y/N standing before him.
âWhat were you thinking running off on me?â she blurt out with Negan shamefully lowering his head to avoid looking at her. Clinging to the doorknob, Negan swallowed down hard and felt a chill running through his veins. âYou were hurt. I donât even know how you got home without getting in an accident and hurting yourself further.â
âI was ashamed and figured you wouldnât want to be around me,â Negan confessed, his Adamâs apple bouncing in his throat. There was a lot that was said today and thrown out on the table for her to deal with, so he didnât even know where to start with things. âThere was a lot thrown at you andâŠâ
âDo you not want me here?â she interrupted Negan having his sad hazel eyes connecting with hers. Slouching, Negan bit down on his bottom lip and could see that she was worried about him. âI can leave if you donât want me.â
âYou know that I want you here,â Negan claimed, his long eyelashes fluttering. Nodding toward the inside of his rental home she waited for Negan to step aside and allow her into the house. Closing the door behind her, Negan rubbed at the back of his neck with the incredible amount of tension that was building up inside of him.
âWhy would you think I wouldnât want to be around you?â she wondered, noticing the bag of ice that was sitting on the couch. Turning on her heel, she looked to Negan expectantly wanting some kind of answer from him but he was at a loss of words. Â
âThere are plenty of reasons,â he stated, taking a few steps closer to her limping as he did it. âI should have never attacked Joel. I tried so hard to keep it together, but I didnât. He was drunk and he didnât have a filtering system. It was wrong for me to attack him. And Joel isnât wrong Y/N. Iâm a horrible person. I did terrible thingsâŠâ
âIâm surprised you held it together as long as you did,â she suggested, stepping forward to reach for Neganâs hands. Holding them, she felt them trembling with her caressing over the backs of them with her thumbs. Right now the number one thing he was feeling was shocked. Especially since her caress was so kind and gentle. More than anything he thought she would be mad at him. âAnd I donât care.â
âYou donât care?â he stammered, confusion flooding his features. He wasnât too entirely sure what she was pertaining to when she said that.
âI donât care what you used to be,â she whispered, closing the distance between the two of them. Palming in over the side of Neganâs face had him letting out a tremoring breath, his eyes coming to a slow close. Leaning into the warmth of her touch, Neganâs bottom lip was slightly trembling while she comforted him. âI donât care what you used to be like. All I care about is who you are now. How you treat me, how you treat my children.â
âIâm not good enough for you. I know heâs right about that,â Negan confessed, his eyes still closed with him cuddling his face in against the warmth of her palm. âI realized too late the mistakes I was making in life. I should have been a good husband the whole time, but I let things get to me. I wasnât a good man for a very long time.â
âI donât doubt that you loved your wife. I see it in the way you talk about her,â she hushed him, lifting her other hand to cup his face in her hands tenderly. By the time he opened his eyes, she could see that tears were burning at them. âOne thing youâve never been able to do is lie to me Negan Smith. I can see right through you and when you talk about her, I see pure love. I can see the pain in your eyes when you talk about her. I know how you took off time from work to take care of her. You still wear your wedding rings on your body Negan. You fucked up, you did. But I donât think for a second that you didnât love her.â
A sob fell from Neganâs lips and she urged him to lower down so she could press a lingering kiss over his forehead, âI donât doubt that by the end of her life, Lucille knew how sorry you were. She knew how much you loved her and how much she loved you.â
Leading him over toward the couch, she got him to sit down and then lowered in beside him. Sweeping her fingers over his jawline, she allowed him to rest his head against her shoulder. Brushing her fingers through Neganâs thick hair, she hushed him when he started to cry.
âItâs okay,â she comforted him, wrapping him up in her arms allowing him a moment to go through that pain that had been pent up inside of him for so long. âI know that you miss Lucille and I canât imagine what itâs like losing someone you love that much the way that you did. But please. Promise me that no matter what happens in the futureâŠdonât hurt yourself. Keep fighting for meâŠfor LucilleâŠâ
Lifting his head from her shoulder, Neganâs reddened over eyes looked miserable. Placing another kiss over his forehead, she let it linger before frowning, âI need you here. I want you in my life. So no matter what, if things ever get hard or you need to find strength, please call me. Talk to me. Open up to me. Because a universe without Negan Smith is not somewhere I want to be.â
âYes maâam,â Negan muttered with a firm nod, his chest aching with an incredible amount of guilt that he was feeling. Only a handful of people had known about him trying to kill himself in the past, but never having the strength to do it. Now Y/N and Joel were added to that list.
âPromise me,â she pled with him, her own eyes tearing over with the thought of what Negan admitted to both her and Joel. Hell, she knew Negan was depressed and upset about losing Lucille, but she never pictured that Negan was the kind of person that would try to kill himself. Especially since Negan seemed like the type to be high on life, never wanting to lose a moment. âPromise me that you will never try to kill yourself again. Because that would break me. It would break my heart forever and I would never forgive you for it. Because I love you. Do you understand me?â
Nodding his head, Negan had a hard time forming words, but she forced him to look at her and he released a broken breath.
âI promise,â Negan exhaled, his body trembling with her sweeping his tears away. With how emotional she was getting over all of this, it broke his heart to see. But with how emotional she was about it, he knew that she genuinely cared for him. âI know I shouldnât be crying. I shouldnât be having a breakdownâŠâ
âIâd be worried about you if you werenât,â she declared, sliding in closer to him to caress over the length of his back toward his shoulders. âYouâre broken. You loved someone so deeply and you lost them. You have to talk about it. You have to feelâŠâ
âJoel talks about how he missed out on so much, but heâs wrong. Stardom only made me worse,â Negan insisted, his fingers reaching up to curl around her wrist to caress over her pulse point with his thumb. âI would have given anything to have the life that he had with you and the children. We tried so hard to have children and we were always fighting about it. What he mentioned with me not being able to have children, it might be true. I might be broken completelyâŠI was never brave enough to find out. She wanted me to, butâŠâÂ
âIf you canât, there is nothing wrong with that Negan,â she insisted with her eyebrows furrowing and her head shaking slowly. Even the idea that Negan could possibly not be capable of having children was tearing him apart. But it wasnât something that she thought he should be focusing on since there was already so much on his mind about things. âThat doesnât make you broken. And for all you know there is nothing wrong with you. Lucille was sick. And you donât know for how long. It could have been a combination of things.â
âYou shouldnât be being nice or empathetic to my situation,â Negan suggested with a firm shake of his head, his jaw flexing with discomfort. After what Joel broke to her, he figured that she would never want to speak or talk to him again. âI donât deserve it.â
âDonât you think youâve punished yourself enough?â she inquired with Neganâs expression growing sadder. When something like suicide was a topic of discussion, it wasnât something you should blow off and with how emotional Negan was, she was happy that she came to him tonight. âLucille asked you to live life for her and you promised that you would. Do you think she wanted you to continue to hurt yourself over the things you did wrong?â
âNo,â Negan answered honestly, his bottom lip trembling further while she stroked over his face. There were a lot of discussions that the two of them had about the subject. Lucille was always angry with him for being so emotional. Begging him to promise to continue on with his life. To make something with the time he had left. Because she couldnât. So if someone could, she wanted Negan to. Especially since she loved him.
âThen donât do it,â she was doing her best to pull him from what it was that actually broke Negan tonight. âFocus on the good times you had. The moments you got to share together before she passed away. Because those are the moments that mattered. I know it hurts. More than anything you want to hug her, touch her and tell her that you love her, but she hears you Negan. Talk to her. Because she is and will always be with you.â
Placing her hand in over the center of his chest had his cries growing harder. Shakily his hand covered hers and squeezed it tightly in his grasp, âItâs so hard because we canât hold them anymore, but they never really leave us. They are always there. Sheâs part of you and she always will be.â
Slouching forward, Neganâs forehead rest against hers with her stroking over the back of his neck, over his scalp and through his hair in a soothing manner, âYou see so much darkness in yourself Negan and I see so much potential. So much love.â
âYou always saw the best in me when no one else did,â Negan reminded her, palming his hands up and over her arms. âI think the other people were right about me. You just saw hints of something that werenât really there.â
âNo, I donât believe that,â she whispered, refusing to allow him to sink into the thought that he was a terrible person. âYeah, youâre a smart ass and you probably deserve to get punched sometimes, but everyone does. Iâve seen the things you do for the people you care about. You have a big heart when you allow yourself to show it. Iâve seen it many times since you came back to town. Itâs there. And it shines bright.â
âI donât know what I would have done if we didnât run into each other again,â Negan admitted, swallowing down, turning in to press a loving kiss against the center of her palm. âI love you, so fucking much.â
âAnd I love you,â she whispered, enjoying the warmth of him before her. It ate away at her hearing Negan break down like he had when they were all together. Those words continued to play in her head like a broken record. The idea of Negan killing himself was a horrible nightmare for her. One she never wanted to face. âI always have and I always will.â
âIâm so sorry I let what Joel did break us apart,â Negan stammered, his breathing uneven with her tenderly caressing at the side of his neck and over his face. âI knew you had a crush on him. I should have understood. I was just so young and selfish. â
âI think youâre defining me right now,â she rolled her eyes at the idea that he was the bad one in the situation. There were a lot of things that she could say about Negan, but in the past he was the biggest victim in this whole situation. âThe only person that wasnât in the wrong in that situation was you. I wish you would have told me what was going on with Joel, butâŠâ
âBut you loved him so much,â Negan spoke up before she could finish her sentence getting her to look at him fully. âIf you thought there was any question about the purity of your relationship, I knew it would break your heart. Thatâs why I never told you. You would question everything. And you shouldnât have. Because he looked at you with so much love whenever I saw the two of you after that night. Itâs why I never did anything. It may have broken me, but it made two people that I cared about happy. Two people that deserved happiness very much. I donât question that Joel loved you.â
âI donât know what to believe anymore,â she admitted in terms of Joel and the things that he told her. âI feel like there is so much that I donât know about Joel. Things that he was never honest with me about. Unlike you, I canât tell when heâs being honest or lying to me.â
âI think Joel deserves the same opportunity that I do,â Negan explained with a loud swallow. Something in her eyes showed that she didnât understand. âYou forgave me for my past. You mention the man that I am nowâŠJoel is right I was a worse husband than he ever was. Iâm just innocent when it comes to you because I wasnât the one that hurt you. If you can get over that part of me, you should realize that he can be different too.â
âThe man devastates you and gets you angry enough to start a physical fight with him, yet youâre still defending him,â she noted, surprised that Negan would go to bat for Joel even after everything that happened. Then again, that was something that Negan seemed to be doing longer than she ever even realized.
âBecause heâs broken,â Negan replied with a frown. Hearing that took her breath away. âHeâs at the stage I was when I first lost Lucille. Heâs hitting all the stages at once. Regret. Pain. Anger. Disbelief. Fury. Rage. They are eating away at him and heâs just lost it because he loves you, but he doesnât know how to show it. Iâm not lying to you when I tell you that I think Joel regrets everything that he did. I think if he could go back in time and stop it from happening, he would. I donât want to lead you on and make you believe that heâs this terrible piece of shit. Because heâs not. He did shitty things, but I do fucking believe that he loves you. And that heâs a good man. Just a man that had a lot of bad shit happen in his life, so heâs bad with his feelings and his emotions.â
With a deep inhale, Negan looked down and shook his head, âI know you love him too. I can see it in the way that the two of you look at one another. And if you want to be with Joel, I donât want to hold you back. I feel like you are experiencing guilt because you donât want to let me down, but I love you. So fucking much that if Joel makes you happy, if Joel is where you feel wholeâI love you enough to let you go.â
âI donât want you to let me go,â she was quick to respond, hushing him when she brought him in closer to her. âI canât lose you from my life again Negan. You have brought back a joy that I never thought would be there again. You awakened that thing inside of me that I thought was long gone. Whether weâre together or not, I need you.â
âAnd I need you,â Negan agreed with her nuzzling his nose in against hers in a tender moment. Cherishing the warmth of her near, Negan still felt an ache at the center of his chest. âBut I donât want Joel suffering either.â
âNor do I,â she acknowledged knowing that there was so much love in her heart for her ex-husband still. That wasnât something that she could hide. Joel still held part of her heart in his hand and that would never leave her. âBut if making Joel feel better is kicking you out of my life, I canât do that. Iâm probably not a good person and I acknowledge that because I love the both of you. Very much.â
Meeting her stare, Negan exhaled loudly with her getting up from the couch. Turning when she applied pressure at his shoulders, Negan sat the right way on the couch. Sighing, he bit down on his bottom lip when she caressed in over the center of his chest to get him to relax. Lowering down to her knees before him, she started to caress over Neganâs hurt leg eliciting a pained sound to fall from him. Grabbing the bag of ice, she placed it over his knee with one hand while the other continued to caress over his thigh.
âI love Joel. Nothing will change that. Iâm smart enough to admit that,â she confessed, her breathing growing louder with the way that Negan was looking at her behind heavy eyelids. âBut I know how I feel about you. I love you so much. No one makes me feel the way that you do. Poor, happy, sad, richâŠI donât care. You mean so much to me and I canât throw you out of my life.â
âY/N,â he exhaled loudly with her getting up further on her knees. Setting the ice aside, she started to undo his belt. Unhooking it and pulling it apart had Neganâs breathing growing more uneven. With her fingers undoing his pants and opening them, Negan lowered his hands and grabbed her wrists to stop her. âDonât.â
âItâs okay,â she hushed him, urging his hands onto the couch beside him. Tugging at the material of his pants, she pulled the dark slacks from his body. Setting them aside, she took her time to caress over his thighs. It had him inhaling sharply when she lowered down over his knees to sweep over them and down to his calves. Slightly turning toward his hurt leg, she started massaging at his flesh. When her fingers swept over the scars that were over his knee area, she lowered forward to press loving kisses over his flesh. âYou are so beautiful. Inside and out.â
Caressing his fingers over the back of her neck, Negan grasped at her hair and let out a pleased sound with her touching him. For a while she gave his leg a massage, working to get him to relax with it aching. Truthfully? She was one of the only people that he would trust near his leg like that.
Placing a final kiss over his knee had chills running down his spine. Getting up carefully from the ground, she took her jacket off as she kicked out of her boots. There was something that he should have said, but he couldnât form words when she took her time to pull her sweater from her body. Once she had the material at her side, she dropped it next to where she had set his pants down.
Adjusting his positioning on the couch, Neganâs lips parted and he was ready to tell her that she didnât need to do this. But as she started to shimmy out of her pants, it had a lump growing at the center of his throat. Almost immediately, he became breathless. His heart hammered in his chest with her reaching around herself to unhook her bra allowing the material to fall. The first sight of her bare breasts had him nervously licking his lips. Even though they had been together many times at this point, she still took his breath away. When she pushed her fingers into her panties to get them down her legs, he could feel his heart skip a beat.
Carefully lowering down to her knees over him had his hands settling in over her hips with his rough fingertips caressing over her flesh. Staring up at her in awe, Negan wondered if he truly deserved her at all.
âIâm sorry for all the pain Iâve caused you,â she apologized bringing their lips together in a passionate, unhurried sweep. Caressing at the back of her thighs, Negan kissed her back. Chills were running up and down his spine.
âNo, donât,â Negan silenced her, his eyelids heavy with desire for the woman before him. âIf anything, I should be the one that is sorry. Joel was right. I should have never abandoned you and your family. I should have been here all along helping you. I loved you so much and I let something like that ruin our relationship that we had our whole life.â
âThis is one time you canât take credit,â she whispered, sliding further in over his lap having Negan tip his head back to keep his eyes hooked with hers. âI let my crush on Joel persuade me to be a certain way and I wasnât thinking.â
âYou really do deserve better than me,â Negan admitted with a frown, his rough palms caressing up over her back toward her shoulders. âIâm a broken mess and I donât deserve the love and support that you give me.â
âI think weâre all a little broken,â she thought aloud, her fingers caressing at Neganâs scalp with her left arm hooking loosely around Neganâs shoulders. âBut there is no one that makes me feel better than you do. I think you realize the person you were and youâre trying your best to make things better. For everyone.â
âI think Iâm fucking up Joel,â Negan countered with a firm shake of his head, letting out a sigh. Watching her hands palm down in over the center of his chest toward his abdomen, Negan bit down on his bottom lip when she reached the bottom of the black henley that he was wearing. Raising his arms, Negan allowed her to tug the material up his body and drop it on the floor with the rest of their clothing.
âYouâve been trying to help Joel,â she corrected him with a shake of her head, her fingers teasing through the dark curls of hair over Neganâs torso. âI see it. What you did at that bar, the way you handle him. I think youâve done a really good job.â
âWe fought tonight,â he reminded her, exhaling loudly with the way her lips hovered over his. âI could have done better.â
âJoel isnât used to my heart not belonging one hundred percent to him,â she recognized, sliding her hands up over the sides of Neganâs neck toward his face to cup it lovingly in her palms. âYou were the one that kept trying to keep the truth from me. You donât have any ulterior motives. You care about me. You care about him. You treat our children good. I like the man that you became. I like the man that you are with me.â
âI want to be the best version of myself for you,â Negan announced, his voice growing raspier when he felt her reach for the material of his black boxer briefs. Lifting his hips up, he helped her work the material down his body. Wiggling his legs, he grunted with her pushing firmly at the material working to get it to his knees. Lowering back onto the couch, Negan kicked at the material getting it to his ankles. Allowing her back in over him, he cherished the warmth of her body wrapping him up in her arms. Nuzzling his nose at the side of her neck, Neganâs hand caressed over the lengths of her back with her peppering kisses at his freckle covered shoulders.
âYou are,â she assured him, pressing a faint kiss over his ear having him suck in a sharp breath. âI have no doubts when Iâm with you. I know how I feel when weâre together.â
Grabbing a hold of his right arm, she led his hand toward the center of her chest allowing him to place it over her heart. Stroking her fingers at the back of his hand, she could tell just by the way that he looked at her that everything he felt was pure.
âYou make me happy. I havenât been happy in a very long time,â she told him the truth, loving the way that his eyes stared out at her. Lifting his hand up, she pressed a loving kiss over the center of it. âWhen Iâm with you, I feel a warmthâŠloveâŠâ
âBut Iâm putting you in a hard place because I know you love Joel,â Negan commented, his other hand reaching up to trace over her features. âIf I wasnât here to mess things up, you could have everything you wanted with Joel.â
âIâm not sure Joel would be acting the way that he is if you werenât here,â she sighed loudly, stroking her fingers through Neganâs short beard that covered his face. âYou werenât here for four years with us being divorced. So in a way, I guess you bring out both the best and the worst of Joel. I could whine that Iâm in a horrible position, but I have two men that I love very much in my life right now. People can only hope to have one.â
âBut what if you decide that you want to be with the other man?â Negan inquired, sucking in a sharp breath when she dropped one of her hands to curl her fingers loosely around his manhood. Tracing over his shaft had Neganâs neck flexing with his lips parting. Fluttering his eyelashes, Negan kept his eyes hooked with hers while she caressed over his length.
âWho am I with right now?â she questioned, her lips hovering in over his. Breathing both loud and uneven, Negan pressed in closer to kiss her but she kept him from kissing her. Smirking, her eyebrow arched and she was waiting for an answer. âWhere am I?â
âWith me,â Negan responded, dragging his bottom lip in over hers humming out with the sensations she was drawing out from inside of him.
âI could have been with either one of you right now, and youâre the one I chose to come to,â she pointed out, lifting her hips enough to lead his body toward hers. There was something in the way that his eyes hooked with hers that took her breath away. Accepting him into her body, she carefully lowered herself over him moaning with him in unison. Getting comfortable, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders pressing their bodies closer together.
âWhat if Joel forces you to choose?â Negan stammered, his lips hovering just over hers. Tensing up beneath her, Negan found his body easily reacting to the warmth of her surrounding him without them moving.
âLetâs not worry about that right now,â she whispered, caressing her fingers through his hair at the back of his neck. Having him fully inside of her stagnant ached, but she liked the way that it felt. âI just want to spend my time with you. Be with you. We missed out on so much time together. I donât want to miss a moment of it.â
âI question if Joel was right,â Negan winced when she lazily rolled her hips upward, taking her time in bringing them back down over him. Every movement was slow, drawn out, and was focusing on their connection. âMaybe the only way for us to truly be happy was to separate us during those years. We would have been hurting both Joel and Lucille. There is something between the two of us that is so strong. I donât doubt that the two of us would have done something that we regretted if we were still around one another.â
Resting her forehead against his, she cried out at the way that Negan touched her while she moved over him. So much focus and care went into the way that he was with her, âMaybe that makes us bad people.â
âJoel can say whatever he wants to defend his thought process, but thatâs not how things worked themselves out,â she silenced Negan, finally bringing their lips together to give him a passionate kiss that had him cupping her face in his hands. Moving ever so slightly back had their lips still brushing against each otherâs while she spoke. âSo we can talk about the maybes all day long, but thatâs not how things were. So weâre not bad people for loving one another.â
âNow that I have you in my life, I canât lose you,â Negan asserted, his palm sliding up over the center of her chest toward her neck. Curling his fingers around the side of her neck, his thumb traced over her jawline until hovering over her bottom lip. It had her kissing at his flesh and he smiled. âYou mean more to me than you will ever know.â
âI feel the same way about you,â she promised, cuddling her head into his touch starting to rock her hips a little harder over his. Their breathing matched each otherâs, growing louder with her movements. âI never want you to doubt the man that you are. I think Lucille would be proud of the man that you are now.â
âSheâd kill me if she saw what I was doing right now,â he snickered, lifting enough to pepper kisses over her jawline. âI feel like sheâd rather me be pining over her still, not falling head over heels in love with someone else.â
âI think youâre doing both,â she whimpered, her hips rolling firmer over his length having Negan moan out. Keeping them close had the warmth of his breath twisting with hers. This moment wasnât about sex. It was about connecting. Showing how much they cared for each other.
Firmly wrapping his arm around her waist, Negan rolled her onto her back on the couch. Yelping out, her back arched and it was followed by a laugh with the confused expression that Negan was giving her, âThe ice! The ice! Itâs cold.â
âOh,â Negan snorted, reaching behind her to dig out the bag of ice that was there. They both were laughing with Negan dropping his head against her chest. Setting the ice on the ground, he felt her kissing at the top of his head and he sighed loudly.
âA bag of ice up my ass sure did add a new sensation,â she teased him, tugging at his hair enough to bring his lips back to hers so they could kiss. Adjusting his body enough, he made sure to take the pressure off his hurt knee before he started to roll his hips up against hers. Locking his eyes with hers, Negan didnât want to let go of this moment.
âPromise me that we will have each other for the rest of our lives,â Negan begged of her, his fingertips tracing over her jawline. Their bodies moved together in unison with her bouncing up with every thrust. âIn whatever way possible.â
âYou donât have to beg me to promise,â she assured him, peppering kisses over his lips with him pausing his movements over her to give her his full attention. âWe both know what itâs like not having each other in our lives. It hurts too much. Weâll always have each other from here on out.â
That was all he needed to hear. Now that he knew what it was like to be happy again and to feel loved after being lonely for two years, Negan knew that he couldnât lose this.
Their love making session was slow, drawn out and by the time they were done, they were laid stretched out together on the couch. Her thigh was wrapped around his waist, her head resting on his chest with her drawing shapes over his abdomen.
âYou donât think Iâm trying to steal Joelâs life, do you?â Negan still found himself considering the things that Joel had lashed out at him for today.
âNegan,â she frowned, her fingertips tracing over the tattoo that was over his pectoral muscle. âDonât let that eat away at you. Joel is just jealous because people really like you. And itâs hard for him to get people to like him. The children still very much love their dad. They have just happily accepted you into their lives too.â
âI just donât wantâŠâ Negan started only to yelp when he felt the sensation of something cold over his nipple. Arching his back up, he lifted his head to see that she had grabbed one of the ice cubes that was mostly melted from the bag that he set aside earlier. âJesus!â
âIt was the quickest way to get your mind focused on something else,â she was highly amused with herself, replacing the cold sensation with warmth by kissing over his nipple. Circling her tongue over his nipple, she snickered against his flesh with him moaning out. Running a line over the center of Neganâs abdomen down toward his belly button had him sucking in a sharp breath. Looking up at him, she shook her head and bit down on her bottom lip. âJoel was drunk. The worst thoughts that Joel has come out of his mouth when heâs drunk. I think youâre right about what you said with Joel. Heâs having a hard time coming to terms with what happened between you and him. His brain is hooked on me, but his body wants both you and me.â
âI think heâs worried about what people will think about him if they find out weâŠâ Negan considered the words that he should be using to describe what he did with Joel. âFucked?â
âJoel hasnât been comfortable with himself since he was eighteen years old,â she alerted Negan with a long sigh, dropping the ice cube back on top of the bag she pulled it out of. âGive it time. Everything will work itself out. I promise you that.â
âI should be the one promising you that,â Negan noted, his fingertips tracing over her back doing his best to comfort her. âYouâre the one being placed in the middle of me and JoelâŠâ
âPoor me. Stuck between two incredibly good-looking men who both love me,â she caused Negan to snort and laugh with her bluntness. âIâm more worried about you and Joel. Allow me that. Because Iâm fine. Iâll be fine and I donât doubt that. Right now, Iâm in the arms of the man that I want to be with and Iâm perfectly happy with that.âÂ
----
âYou can stop babysitting me,â Joel glanced over at Tommy who was falling asleep at the other end of the couch. After they came home, Peter went to bed almost immediately because he was exhausted. Elizabeth and Tommy stayed up with Joel, both of them visibly worried about him. Pretty quickly Elizabeth had picked up on the fact that Joel had gotten into a fight but he refused to tell her with who. That wasnât something he was about to bring his daughter into. So instead she stayed up with both him and Tommy for as long as she could. And when she started falling asleep, Joel carried her upstairs to bed. Tommy made him promise to come back downstairs, but Joel didnât get it. It had been hours since he put Elizabeth to bed, yet Tommy was still holding true to staying with Joel. There was a bag of ice that Joel had placed on his knuckles on his right hand and with his left hand he was holding ice to his nose. In the few good hits that Negan had got on Joel, he had managed to hit Joel in the nose and there was a cut over the bridge of it. âIâm not going to do anything stupid.â
âI donât know,â Tommyâs eyes grew wide with him trying to wake himself up. Sliding into a better position to focus on the screen, Tommy was still wary about leaving Joel alone. âI donât trust you alone with yourself right now.â
âYou really think I would kill myself and let my children have to deal with that for the rest of their lives?â Joel snapped getting a certain look from Tommy that told him he did think that Joel was capable of hurting himself. âI might be selfish in your opinion, but Iâd never do that to Ellie and Peter.â
âIâve heard the way you talk when youâre upset,â Tommy reminded Joel, turning on the couch to face Joel to give him his full attention. This was why Tommy wouldnât leave his side. He was worried that Joel would hurt himself. âYouâve threatened it before. Not so long ago either.â
âI wouldnât do it,â Joel stressed, throwing his hand that was holding the icepack to his nose up in the air to silence Tommy from even talking about it any further. âIt was a stupid thing to say and I should have never said it.â
âPeople donât always make the best decisions when they are drunk. Emotions get high, their feelings get enhanced and they doâŠstupid things,â Tommy waved his hand about in the air suggesting that Joel was a perfect example for that. âI donât think you would have done a lot of things that you did tonight if you were sober.â
âNoted,â Joel scoffed, lowering down on the couch, spreading his thighs further apart so he could get comfortable.
âIâm not trying to be rude Joel, but you say one thing and then you act another,â Tommy recognized how things were with his older brother right now. It was confusing trying to understand what Joel was doing with his life. âHere we are talking about Y/N and how you donât want to upset her. How you want her happy. Then you are running off on her and attacking her boyfriend.â
âItâs complicated,â Joel suggested with a frown, dropping his head back against the couch out of frustration. What happened tonight was not something that he wanted to explain to people or even go into detail with. Tommy was trying, but Joel was attempting to keep things locked up.
âEverything is complicated with you,â Tommy blurt out with a frown, stroking his fingers through his long hair. âI love you big brother, but youâre emotional because you are jealous.â
Most days, Joel would have fought back. Swore he wasnât jealous, but deep down? He knew that he was. And there was a strong sense of confusion that filled his veins too.
âJealousy, anger, alcoholâŠâ Tommy listed off the things he knew were going on with Joel right now, âthey make you do stupid things.â
âI get it, Iâm stupid,â Joel grumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes back to a close. That was a word that Tommy had focused on pretty heavily at this point. âYou donât have to keep reminding me of it.â
âI know itâs hard to hear considering,â Tommy reasoned with Joel knowing that he had offended his brother with that word. There were just a lot of decisions that Joel was making lately that Tommy didnât agree with or understand. âCan I ask you something?â
âIf I said no, it wouldnât stop you,â Joel pointed out, his head dropping to the side with his eyes slowly opening. âSo why bother asking?â
âIâm trying to be polite,â Tommy said with a tip of his head, his dark eyes gazing over his brother. âIf you really do feel the way you say you do about Y/N then why does the idea of being together with all three of you bother you so much?â
âReally?â Joel grunted eliciting a dramatic shrug from Tommy. By the expression on Tommyâs face, he was genuinely curious. âWould you be okay if Maria told you that she was in love with another man and she wanted to be with him, but also be with you on the side?â
âIf I was desperate enough and that was the only option, Iâd take it,â Tommy surprised Joel with his answer. It didnât seem to bother Tommy that much. âI love Maria. I know it was fast, I know that you would disapprove, but I love her a lot. So if that was the only way to have her in my life, I would deal.â
âI find that hard to believe,â Joel commented, his brown eyes unsure of the way that Tommy responded to his question.
âBeggers canât be choosers Joel. Youâre lucky enough that she still loves you,â Tommy snorted, his hands rubbing out over his own thighs in a stressed manner. Out of the corner of his eye, he could tell that Joel was glaring at him, but he didnât care. âThe things you did to her? Most people donât come back from that. And you only recently broke up with Tess. Yet, you are expecting her to give up the one person who makes her feel good about herself to give you another chance? After how many? Youâre lucky that she wants to be with you in any way.â
âThanks for the support little brother,â Joel snarled, his eyes rolling when he dropped his head back against the couch in frustration again.
âIâm just pointing out the obvious,â Tommy defended himself with a yawn. Right now he was fighting falling asleep off, but it was hard. âIf you love her, I think youâd want her to be the happiest version of herself. Right? So if sheâs the happiest with both of youâŠ?â
âWhat would people think?â Joel stressed, his nose wrinkling and that sent a rush of pain up to his forehead. Cussing out, he lifted the ice pack back to his nose to place it where it hurt the most. That was a thought he had been worried about from the start. What the world would think about the three of them being together in some kind of relationship.
âWhen have you ever cared what people thought?â Tommy was confused by the comment considering Joel always hated people as it was. There was never a moment where Tommy even thought for a second that Joel would care about what others thought about him. âYouâve never been the type to care what people thought of you. They told you that you were too young to be my primary caregiver, but you did it anyways. When people told you that Y/Nâs parents were right, the two of you should get an abortion, you told them to fuck off.â
Going to say something, Joel scoffed when he realized that his brother was right, âAnd if people said things, do you really think it would be out of judgement or jealousy? Most people would love to be in a poly relationship with two people. Especially someone like Negan. Most straight men would happily bend over for Negan.â
Glaring over at Tommy had Tommy shrugging dramatically and making an awkward expression, âIâm just saying Joel, they would. They would brag about it too. So I donât think you have anything to worry about. People might judge, but they would secretly be thinking how fucking lucky you were.â
âWhat makes you think I bent over for Negan?â Joel questioned with venom in his tone and it had Tommyâs face twisting with an array of emotions. Of all the things, that was what Joel was focused on and it seemed to put Tommy in a hard place.
An uncomfortable smile donned Tommyâs face and threw his hands up in the air once more, âOriginally? I didnât think you did, but your response to it tells me otherwise.â
A rush of warmth flooded into Joelâs face. Biting down on his lip, Joel kept himself from saying what he really wanted to, forcing himself to look away from Tommy. It embarrassed him to know that Tommy knew what had happened between him and Negan. That wasnât something he wanted people to know.
âI didnât think it was that kind of threesome, but I support it,â Tommy threw it out there, taking a moment to consider his next thought. âIâm not gonna judge you for being in a relationship with two people that might make you happy. You havenât been happy in a long time Joel. If another man makes you happy? And if you sleep with him like that? I support it. Because I know you love Y/N. And something tells me that you like Negan more than you give up too. And if people give you shit for it? Iâll break their face.â
Again, Joel was quiet. It was hard being open with Tommy overâŠthis. That was everything that someone in his position would want to hear from someone they loved. He just didnât know if he wanted his little brother looking at him like that.
âSoâŠâ Tommy finally broke the moment of silence that surrounded them. Clearing his throat, Tommy adjusted his body on the couch and looked to Joel. âHow was it?â
âHow was what?â Joel scoffed, the line at the bridge of his nose growing deeper.
âYâknow,â Tommy nodded his head about trying to hint to Joel what he was talking about. When Joel realized that he was asking about the sex between him and Negan, Joel scowled and forced himself to look away from Tommy..
âIâm not doing this,â Joel was quick to respond and it had Tommy snickering. Warmth flooded into Joelâs face with his brother now asking him details about the sex that happened with Negan. âItâs not funny Tommy.â
âI donât think itâs funny,â Tommy swore, placing his hand in over the center of his chest. âI guarantee every man in this town would be jealous. All the women too.â
âSo youâd sleep with Negan?â Joel retorted having Tommy groan in disgust. Tommy shook his head and it made Joel angrier. âSee, youâre a liar.â
âHeâs like my brother you moron,â Tommy realized they were talking too loudly and he lowered his voice. âYou, Y/N and Negan were my family growing up. People told me all the time that I should have stolen Y/N out from under you when you got divorced, but I canât look at her like that. She adopted me Joel. You and her are the closest things I have to parents. And Negan was always like a big brother. So no, I couldnât sleep with Negan because that would be like sleeping with you.â
Growling out, Joel set aside the ice pack and dropped his head forward into his hands, âStop overthinking things Joel. Youâre sabotaging yourself and your own happiness because youâre suddenly worrying about what other people might think of you?â
âTommyâŠâ Joelâs voice sounded irritated with it vibrating against his hands.
âLook at me,â Tommy called out to Joel, reaching out to shove at Joelâs shoulder when he didnât. Another shove had Joel lifting his head in anger. âDo you love Y/N?â
âYes,â Joel was quick to answer.
âReally love her? Or are you only feeling these things because of Negan?â Tommy brought up the thing that so many others had already done.
âReally love her,â Joel was disgusted that his own brother would question his motives. âI made a mistake when I divorced her Tommy. Why do you think Tess left me?â
âI thought that was a mutual thing,â Tommy commented, his brown eyes confused with his brotherâs response about his ex-girlfriend. âYou said that she wanted more from you than you were willing to give.â
âYeah, exactly,â Joel scoffed, pointing toward Tommy who tipped his head to the side like a confused puppy dog. âToward the end of my marriage with Y/N, I wasnât very affectionate. It was something that always upset her. She wanted to cuddle. She wanted to hear how much I loved her. Instead I slept on the edge of the bed, the opposite side away from her, I wasnât touchy feelyâŠâ
âRightâŠâ Tommy was waiting for the explanation with Joel rambling.
âI couldnât be loving and emotional, when I wasnât that way with Y/N,â Joel expressed how he felt, remembering what he was feeling when he was dating someone else. âAnd I guess I was always comparing her to Y/N. Using our relationship as an example of how things should be. I liked Tess, but I never loved Tess. She put up with it for as long as she could, but I couldnât give her what she wanted in a relationship because I was always so hooked on Y/N.â
âThen why did you leave her?â Tommy stressed the question that was always on everyoneâs mind. Why would he be stupid enough to leave Y/N when he was still so visibly in love with her?
âI donât know,â Joel had no really good answer for that. And that infuriated Tommy with his response. âI donât know Tommy! I could blame my mental health. It was poor. And I think thatâs really what it was, but it was still me making a really stupid fucking decision little brother. And I donât know why I thought it was a good idea in the first place because it never was.â
Tommy was considering everything that Joel was saying, but he was quiet because it was obvious this whole thing was complicated like it had been stressed many times before, âI guess my brain thought I needed time to discover that she was what I wanted all along.â
âWell your brain took its sweet ass time,â Tommy replied back with a disgusted breath at his brotherâs confession. Joel didnât disagree with him. Especially now that they were in such a strange position that had Joel questioning everything. âHow many women did you sleep with after you got divorced?â
That was not something that Joel expected Tommy to ask of him. And when he did? Joel got angry. That wasnât even something that he thought they should be talking about.
âDonât make me answer that,â Joel begged of his brother, rolling his eyes that Tommy would even go there.
âHow many other women have you slept with other than Y/N?â Tommy continued to push having Joelâs jaw flexing. Here he was going to be stubborn and not answer his brother. âIs it so many that you donât know or are you afraid that I will tell her? Because Iâm your fucking brother and you should be able to tell me these things. We should be able to talk to each other about this stuff.â
âThere are two answers to your question,â Joel resented the fact that Tommy was going to this. Especially since he didnât know what it had to do with what they were talking about in the first place. âI slept with a few people before I ever got with Y/N. You know that she wasnât my first, right? I was her first, but with me...a lot of girls wanted to hook up with me when I was younger.â
âI assumed that. You were popular, girls were falling at your feet,â Tommy recalled what it was like when Joel was in high school. âAnd itâs not like I couldnât hear shit because my room was right next to yours. So while mom and dad were sleeping, I knew that you were sneaking people into your room.â
âYeah, well your dad wouldnât have had as much of a problem with it as you might think,â Joel swallowed down hard, his eyes gazing over at Tommy from where he was seated on the couch. It was hard to admit this to his brother when he let out a tremoring breath. âOur father is the one that got me the condoms. And he sure as hell didnât have a problem with me sleeping around. In fact, he urged me to do it.â
âWhat?â Tommy snapped at Joel realizing that this was headed in a direction that he wasnât expecting. âJoel, why would dad do that? You know that he just about ripped my head off when he found that magazine I was keeping in my room.â
âBecauseâŠâ Joel paused, biting down on his bottom lip and looking toward the stairs. âDo you promise not to look at me differently if I tell you something?â
âWhat?â Tommy scoffed, sitting forward on the couch when he gazed over Joel. âDid you kill someone or something? Because I always thought you had it in you to do it.â
âTommy, shut up,â Joel couldnât help but laugh that his brother was being so ridiculous in the moment. âPlease just give me a moment to say this, okay? I reckon youâll never look at me the same again after I tell you. Because IâŠI hate myself for it too.â
âOkay?â Tommy didnât know how to respond, he just listened and kept quiet like Joel asked him too.
âWhen I was younger, I thought I was hot shit. People really liked me. And girls were throwing themselves at me. The first time I had sex, it was awful. I mean, terrible,â Joel stressed, biting down on his bottom lip and he hit his knee. âI didnât know if it was me or the girl because I really didnât like her that much. I just did it because Iâm a guy. There were a lot of hot girls that wanted to sleep with me and I didnât turn them down. Some experiences were better than others. But? I uhâŠthere was always one person I really liked.â
âY/N?â Tommy spoke up, his head shaking about with Joel sucking in a sharp breath of air. Joelâs eyes grew damp when he looked to Tommy with a shake of his head.
âI didnât start having feelings for her until this one day I was in class, but let me get to something else first,â Joel hushed his brother, lifting his hand up to silence Tommy so that way he couldnât stop himself from continuing his story. âTommy, I always liked Negan. And not just in the way that you like a friend. I crushed on girls that were like in the magazines and what not, but when I was around Negan? I just kinda felt things that I knew I shouldnât be feeling. Heâd come over to hang out and weâd watch things that we shouldnât have been watching when no one was home. And at first, weâd just do things to ourselves. I just thought it was something that guys did together. But throughout time, we started touching each other. And this one time, dad came home early for something. He walked in on me and Negan doing that together and heâŠhe beat the shit outta me Tommy. Calling me a faâŠyou know. He was so ashamed of me.â
âHow did I not know about this?â Tommy asked, clearly horrified from what he was learning about the past.
âNo one knew. The only people that knew were me and him. Not even mom knew. He called me that word, threw Negan out of the house and then he kicked my ass. Wanted to beat it outta me. Told me he wasnât going to have a queer living in his house. Said I had to get my shit together because if he found me doing that again he would throw me out and take everything away from me,â Joel informed his brother, his voice breaking when he forced himself to look away from Tommy. âWe came up with some stupid story about me being attacked by another kid from an opposing school so he didnât get in trouble. The only reason Negan found out about it is because he was there when dad showed up. When I came to school looking like I did? He immediately knew. So now the only people in the world that ever knew were me, Negan, dad and you. Itâs not that I was gay, I had feelings for other women throughout my life, I justâŠI really liked Negan. I think I knew pretty young that I had feelings for both men and women. Or Negan and women. I donât know. Because there isnât another guy that Iâve felt like that toward, but I donât know if thatâs because itâs how it is or because our dad beat it out of me.â
âYou should have told me,â Tommy looked upset to hear that Joel went through that and Joel shrugged his shoulders. Joel was emotional about the past and it was devastating Tommy to think that Joel went through that alone. âI remember how upset mom was about the way you looked. Wanting to call the police, but dad wouldnât let her.â
âBecause he was the one that did it,â Joel released something that sounded like a whimper even though he didnât want it to be like that. âThatâs how I knew that Y/N was the love of my life. Because when I kissed her? When I slept with her. I felt something for her that I had never felt for anyone. Not even Negan. I slept with a handful of people to try to prove I wasnât what dad thought I was, but it wasnât until her where everything in the world felt right.â
Pausing to think about everything, Joel nervously rubbed at the back of his neck and shrugged, âYou know when I was dating Tess, that I cheated on her with Y/N, right?â Joel brought up what was true to his little brother, catching the way that Tommyâs eyebrows bounced up. âWe never stopped sleeping with each other Tommy. We may have been divorced, but we were never apart more than a month or two. So I didnât completely just give up on her those four years.â
âI donât know if that makes things worse or better Joel,â Tommy was honest with Joel about how he felt with things toward the whole Tess and Y/N situation. âShe probably thought the whole time it was a sign that you still wanted to be with her, but then you never did come back. No wonder she thinks itâs because of Negan that you want to be with her.â
âI had problems,â Joel defended himself, his hand raising to place over the center of his chest. âYou know just as well as me Tommy that weâre soulmates.â
âBut I think Negan is her soulmate too,â Tommy was honest with Joel and for the first time he actually saw disappointment in Joelâs eyes. âIs that so wrong? MaybeâŠjust maybe heâs your soulmate too.â
âIâm nothing compared to him,â Joel declared, his head lowering with his confession. âI have no chance if thatâs really the case.â
âYet, they both have been more than willing to include you in things,â Tommy reminded Joel, sliding in closer to his brother to give him a firm nudge. âMaybe start thinking about the positives in things. You can be alone, or you can have something which is better than nothing. And with what you just told meâŠ? I think thatâs more than enough reason to prove that this whole poly relationship thing is a great idea. After what you went through? Dad isnât here anymore. I am. And I support you. I support you loving both of them.â
âBut what about the children?â Joelâs breathing was broken and it had Tommy sucking in a sharp breath of air, his finger shakily pushing into his dark hair.
âI donât think theyâd care. They love all three of you. I think theyâd be okay with it. As long as you donât act like itâs a weird thing, I think they would accept you as you are,â Tommy stressed to his brother what he believed was true and honest. âThey are good kids Joel. You raised them to be accepting of people. You never taught them to be any other way. Itâd be a lot easier having the three of you together than having you separated. Let them show you that Joel.â Â
âShe learned the truth Tommy with what I had done,â Joel admitted to his little brother, turning to look at him with a saddened expression. âWhy Negan really stopped interacting with me and her. What I did to Negan. Why I really slept with her the first time.â
âDoes that matter anymore?â Tommy responded in a way that wasnât what Joel was expecting. âYeah, you got with her to be a douchebag, but you fell in love with her. The two of you were together sixteen years before you got divorced. Your feelings werenât fake those sixteen years. I think she knows better than to assume that it was all just to fuck with Negan. Negan left when you were eighteen. You could have dropped it, but you didnât because you love her.â
âI have fucked things up so much little brother,â Joel realized, dragging his hands down over the sides of his face. âI donât even know how to fix things.â
âTry,â Tommy said one word, but the emphasis on it obviously meant something to Tommy. âJust try. Thatâs all that matters. Trying.â
Giving a nod, Joel didnât know how he would even approach trying, but it wasnât bad advice. Standing up from the couch, Joel went into the kitchen to put back the ice packs and returned to step before Tommy, âIâm going to go up to my room. Iâll see you in the morning.â
âAre you sure?â Tommy blurt out getting Joel to look back at him over his shoulder. âI donât want to wake up to something bad Joel.â
âI promise, Iâm just going to my room to rest,â Joel swore, giving Tommy a firm nod moving toward the stairs until Tommy called out to him.
âYou could have told me Joel because I would have loved you no matter what,â Tommy promised Joel, swallowing down the lump in his throat that wouldnât go away after Joel explained to him what happened with their father. âUnlike dad, I think you have the right to be happy. And you are always gonna be my hero big brother. You were more my father than he ever was. You werenât broken because you were attracted to both Negan and Y/N. And I look up to you even more now cusâ you were able to tell me. I love you Joel. Iâm sorry you had to go through all that alone.â
Moving to the stairs, Tommy could hear the sounds of Joelâs breathing. It was broken and he was upset, turning Joel to face him, Tommy wrapped his brother up in his arms and gave him a strong, lingering hug that had Joel finally returning the hug after a few minutes.
âI think a lot of what you are going through is dadâs fault,â Tommy whispered, patting Joel at the center of the back. âYou were never allowed to be you. But stop letting dad be your inside voice Joel. Youâre good enough. Stop forcing yourself to be miserable. You deserve to be happy. And this is your chance.â
Swallowing down hard, Joel pulled back and away from Tommy. Patting the side of Joelâs face, Tommy gave his brother a reassuring nod, staying at the bottom of the steps when Joel started to head up toward his bedroom.
Once inside of his room, Joel kicked the door shut with the heel of his foot. A tremoring breath escaped Joelâs throat with him bringing his hands up to his face to cover it. For so long Joel had held that in and to finally tell someone had him shaking. Talking about his past had him feeling things and feeling them very strongly.
Looking to his laptop, Joel saw that it was opened and he bit down firmly on his bottom lip. This whole thing had Joel thinking about what he had done tonight to both Negan and Y/N. And then Lucille popped into his mind. Never had he really been open with anyone about the secret friendship that he had with Neganâs wife. They used to talk all the time, but when Joel separated from Y/N, they really didnât talk as much as they used to.
Logging into his e-mail, Joel typed her name into the search bar bringing up all their messages that they shared together. Often back then they would send each other messages, videos, voice recordings and he had all of them saved.
It had been so long since he really thought about Lucille. After divorcing Y/N he got distracted. Noticing how many unread e-mails he had from her truly made him realize that. Guilt started to build up inside of him considering how quickly he abandoned that relationship once he was no longer with Y/N.
Opening a few of the messages, Joel realized most of them were just her writing him to ask how he was doing. But the final one? It was a video that he never even bothered to look at. Swallowing down hard, he opened the message and waited for the video to download. Shifting in his seat, Joel rest his elbows on the desk and bit down on his bottom lip when it started to play.
âHey there stranger,â Lucilleâs weak voice drew a labored breath from his lips. In the video she was wearing a purple wig that was shoulder length instead of having her naturally blonde hair. Leaning further back in the chair, Joel bit down on his bottom lip. It was obvious by the way her eyes looked that she was tired and weak. There was always a glow and an energy to Lucille when they spoke, but that wasnât there. âItâs been a long time since weâve talked and I thought I would send you this. What do you think about the area back here?â
Moving out of the way of the camera, she focused on the room that she seemed to be in, âNegan insisted that we have our own little space so we can spend all of our time together.â
Sliding back into the frame, Lucille gave what looked like to be a happy smile causing an ache at Joelâs chest, âI think he knows I donât have much time left. Heâs having a hard time with it. Iâve pretty much accepted it at this point. Iâm ready. Iâm too tired to fight.â
A broken breath fell from Joelâs throat, an overwhelming overflow of guilt eating away at him that he never seen this or even responded to her. And he knew that she had been dead for years now. They were friends and he did the one thing that he accused Negan of doing with Y/N and him. Abandoned her.
âWe have our own little couple cave here. Itâs the most doting heâs ever been. I made him go out to get me ice cream while I made this video for you. He never wants to leave my side anymore. I had to beg him to do it,â Lucille stated with another long sigh, her head shaking as she spoke. âIâm worried about him. Heâs not sleeping. I think heâs scared that if he sleeps, Iâm going to die and he wonât be with me.â
There were tears burning at Lucilleâs eyes as she spoke, âIâm just worried about him in general. Heâs not strong enough for this. I donât know what heâs going to do when I die. I donât think heâs going to be able to handle it.â
There was a long silence and Joel could see tears sliding down her face when she shrugged, âI need you to do something for me. I think we were wrong in keeping all of us separated. More than anything when Iâm gone, I think Negan is going to need friends. People to keep him from drowning. I think he needs you and Y/N. People who really know him. So when you find out that I die, please find a way to get in contact with him Joel. Iâve appreciated this friendship that the two of us have had and I hope you can do this for me.â
Stopping the video, Joel lowered his head and let out a trembling breath. Why did he never open the fucking e-mail? Why did he avoid her after he had broken up with Y/N all those years ago? Trying to gather himself, Joel pushed forward and hit the play button to start the video back up again.
âI miss talking to you,â she declared with a nervous laugh, shrugging her shoulders as she spoke to the camera. âI wanted to give you some advice Joel. Take it or leave it from a dying woman with nothing but a small amount of time. I know that you want more in life. That you felt cheated for the things that happened to you, but I think you need to reconsider your divorce to Y/N. I was really upset with my life for a long time too, but I realized something. I loved Negan. Through and through. I always knew there was a good man deep down inside of him and heâs really proven that the last year or so. Heâs the man I always knew him to be. The only thing I regret is never being able to have a family. Joel, you have the one thing I always wanted. The one thing I always longed for.â
It took a minute for Lucille to gather herself, biting down on her bottom lip with her tears sliding down her face. Wiping at them with the back of her hand, Lucille sniffled and shook her head, âA family Joel. A family that loves you endlessly. Hear it from someone who has what you would consider everything. I have everything, but when I die, Iâll have nothing to be remembered by. You had someone that loved you, children who think the world of you. I have Negan. And heâll be the only person to keep my memory alive. And heâll be alone. Trust me when I tell you Joel, the everything you long forâŠyou already have it. Nothing beats love. Not money, not fameâŠlove. Because at the end of your life you truly realize who it is you want to have with you. And I realize now that it was Negan for me.â
The sound of a door opening was heard and Lucille was looking off the screen. At the corner of the screen Joel watched Negan walking over toward the back table to set down a few bags, âIâm sorry for taking so long. I had to go to two stores just to get these. I bought you a few just in case you keep having cravings.â
Pointing her finger back toward the corner of the room in the video, Lucille smiled and whispered faintly, âGoodbye Joel. Thank you for everything.â
âWhat was that?â a younger Negan turned on his heel to face her with her glancing back over her shoulder. âWho are you talking to?â
âNo one,â Lucille stammered before ending the video.
It had Joel sliding further down in his chair feeling the ache growing at the center of his chest. Now, not only did he regret what he had done with Y/N, he realized that he also made a huge mistake in ignoring Lucille and her messages. It made Joel wonder how long after that video Lucille passed away.
Her last message was her telling him that his family was the most important thing. And now that she was gone and it was years later, Joel realized that she was right.
Sliding in closer to the desk, Joel went through a few folders until stopping on one that he wanted. Clicking open the video, Joel focused on the lower quality video smiling when he saw Y/N holding onto a young Peter sitting by the Christmas tree come into focus.
âLook at all those presents,â Joelâs voice was younger and he turned the camera toward him to show that Elizabeth was in his arms cuddling her head in against his shoulder. This was when they were still so happy and Joel didnât doubt his life. âIt looks like Santa was very good to the both of you this year.â
Pressing a quick kiss over a younger Elizabethâs head, Joel turned the camera back to Y/N and Peter. Peter was clapping his hands together and reached for a present to inspect it, âI wonder what you did this year to be so good.â
âWeâre just good always daddy,â Elizabethâs younger voice was heard with her being set down and running to sit by the other two next to the tree. âYou know that.â
âYes you are,â Y/N wrapped her arms around both the children hugging them close. âYou both are the best. And we love you very much.â
âDaddy, come on. Come here,â Peter called out moving his hands in a dramatic motion. A rumble of a laugh from the other side of the camera fell from Joelâs throat. A moment later Joel was setting up the camera so it would frame the whole family. He walked into the frame and dropped down on the ground next to Y/N. Peppering her with kisses had her smiling and Joel truly wondered where he went wrong. What was it that made him question the love he had for his family? He had the perfect life and now he was left realizing he should have never doubted that.
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Tags: @chainsawsangel @fancypeacepersona @violent-darkness @negansbestie @elegantfanficluv
@sanctuaryforthelost @dead-of-niight @dilfsandmartinis @jennydehavilland
#Joel Miller#Negan#The Last of Us#The Walking Dead#Joel Miller fanfiction#Negan fanfiction#The Walking Dead fanfiction#The Last of Us fanfiction#Pedro Pascal#Jeffrey Dean Morgan#negan x reader#negan x you#negan fanfiction#Negan Smith#twd fanfiction#tlou fanfiction#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#negan smith x joel miller#negan x joel miller#joel miller x negan#Tommy Miller#negan x joel miller x reader#joel miller x negan x reader
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Well, time for my stp au ranting (thanks @neverpathia for getting me off my ass)
For some context, have this:
SLAY THE PRINCESS: THE FIRST DRAFT AU:
(SPOILERS and OC TALK ahead)
Let's start with someone I've been referring to as the Player
(Do not mind that the sketch has a different title name. This was literally the first draft, ironically enough. And some beta voice designs weee~)
Her name is Ley, and her design is honestly what I call the "Pocket OC", a blank slate that I can insert into any universe or fandom with some modifications. For this application, she is the unfortunate Mortal that the Narrator decided would be GREAT at princess slaying!!/s
Contrary to Larry, who only had to do 5 loops to freed the Shifting Mound. Ley has to go through 11 FOR ALL THE VOICES. Since LQ isn't exactly capable of calling the voices back to him like She can. And with the "2 voice per loop" rule, she has to collect em one at a time. Fun times/s
I feel her personality is best described when I go into the routes with her, in contrast to Larry (note that they are in a specific order).
THE PRISONER:
Her first was the Prisoner. Her skepticism of the Narrator and the Princess (expressed by bringing the knife down to the basement) quickly melted away into sympathy for the Princess and resolved to save her. Unlike Larry, she didn't had to cut off her hand. Rather, she cut one of the links with the Pristine Blade, rendering it blunt. When the Narrator took over, the Princess had to bash her head against the wall, knocking her out/killing her (they have the same effect).
In the Prisoner Chapter, she woke up in chains, rather than free, and the Prisoner is her usual self. And to add to her headache, there was a new Voice with the Narrator: the Voice of the Hero (pre-egg crack). She informs her that she's been stuck here for a while, and the knife was out of their reach, presumably upstairs. Ley, not giving up, broke her thumb to get out (since the chain was for Larry's neck, not hers) and did the same for the Prisoner's wrist cuffs. With freedom and a knife again, the Prisoner asked how she was going to get her out of there. She did the same thing she did last time: cutting her free. When asked why she thought that worked and not trust her in her "alternative" plan: she did trust her, but she didn't want her to get hurt for the sake of freedom. Hero encourages her on with her choices, seeing how far a strong will can get you, as well as subtly demonstrating she can still influence this world, even for a human.
But, as the Shifting Mound claims the Prisoner and she finds herself in the Long Quiet. The Mirror is still there, but rather than showing her own reflection, she sees the Hero, in how she perceived the Voice, through her route. She says "Hi" to her (who finally cracked her egg) and comments on how Proud she was of Ley for keeping her good nature, even in such a difficult circumstances. However, their conversation couldn't last long as the darkness of the mirror starts taking Hero away. Hero screamed in fear, and Ley bangs on the mirror, but the Voice returns to the Long Quiet, to where she is meant to be. But she inherited Ley's Chivalry, and it will stick with her
(Don't worry, I won't rant too much with the rest, this is the first. The rest of them will be shorter)
Edit: so that was a lie!
THE RAZOR:
(Oh I forgot Stubborn went through a redesign godddd--)
Her next route is where her personality changes the Story. Let's be clear here: she isn't Larry. She has no God powers that makes her go numb to pain or make it go empty. But what she has is drive. Perseverance is a HELL of a drug, and it's what she did to Conquer the Razor.
After being stabbed by the Princess in the Chapter 1, Ley tried to give her the benefit of a doubt, but it's clear that this Princess's love language is "STAB! STAB! STAB!!", so it's time to arm up. It's difficult, she died a lot, but overtime, she realized that the arena they were in...was changing. Warps, cracks littered the walls of the cabin and basement. An idea was sown, and luckily she has the perfect voice to keep her going. Stubborn had to take a backseat, which he hated, but he got what he wanted. Clash after clash, the basement showed signs of breaking down. She even tore off one of Razor's arms to use as a sword. Once you have a goal that isn't just "winning", your motivation skyrockets. Chapter 4 wasn't named "Mutually Assured Destruction", but "the Bird and the Mountain". As the Princess showed her new form, Ley showed her plan's fruition. The basement finally gave out under the abuse, and collapsed on top of both of them. The Bladed Razor looked up at the sky from the hole that opened up, while pinned under tons of rubble and was memorized. Ley, meanwhile, made her way out of the rubble, in pain, but alive. This is where an unintended Side effect of her influence came in. Because she felt someone lifted her up and helped her approach the Razor. The Princess was surprised, but she had no regrets. In fact, she had fun!! Seeing her slowly growing to triumph over her was fun! And the stars were pretty to look at too! She was ok with dying now, promising to maybe try something else, now that the world is open to her...
But they won't have that next encounter, as Ley finds herself in the Long Quiet once more.
Stubborn was struggling against being unraveled, but he had to congratulate her. If it was him, he would have fought her over and over with no stop. But her plan not only stopped her, it also kept her going. With a brain like that, nothing could stand in her way. Ley gave her peace with him, reassuring that the Quiet won't hurt him, it's taking him somewhere he belongs. And to tell Hero she said "hi", when he sees her...
The NIGHTMARE:
With so many deaths in one loop, it left her feeling the fatigue in the next Loop. In her tired state, she decided she needed space from both the Narrator and Princess to think, so she left the basement. She didn't, however, closed the door to the basement. She left it open to show that she wasn't gonna leave her in limbo. While she thought of what to do, exhaustion finally kicked in and she fell asleep. However, when she woke up, the door to the basement was blocked by the table. She rudely asked the Narrator what happened, and that's when SKEPTIC made himself known. He came while she was asleep, and decided that it'd be safer to talk with the door blocked. Panicked, she quickly opened the door, asking the Princess if she's OK. But her haste to check on her let her tripped and broke her neck in the fall.
The next time, Skeptic is once again not being helpful. Apparently he and Narrator had a talk while she was "dead" and Skeptic doesn't believe in anything Narry is saying about their situation. Not even the ominous cabin and the drop to the basement. For once, his Skepticism kept her alive because when the Nightmare showed up, he just didn't believe she could do that. It's not Paranoid but it will do. For Ley herself, it may felt like absolute shit to have your organs barely work, but it gave her time to say sorry to the Princess and helped her out of the basement. When asked why she said sorry, when she didn't ask for it, she responded that she deserved one anyway.
In the Long Quiet, She confronted Skeptic for his mistakes...but she does thanked him for keeping her alive, even if it was accidental on his part. He apologized for his misjudgment and was grateful to meet someone like-minded. Maybe she can discover the truth of this place, where he could not. Then he was taken away, though he resisted a little.
(Bonus but between every few loops, she just crashes into Shifty to sleep. Not repeating what happened with the Nigthmare, now that deep sleep can apparently summon these guys. Not that she'd remembered)
The TOWER:
Her hesitation to kill the Princess gave the next one an Ego boost. And Smitten is here because of a misguided respect for the Tower, that could be interpreted as "love". With a voice that's all about devotion and a literal Goddess, she was THIS close to succumbing. BUT the Tower just HAD to take the face of a loved one, brcause Ley wasn't a "little bird", try and persuade her. Which just made her ANGRY. The Fury of the AUDACITY!!
Now, Smitten believed in love, and if Tower's love language was "devotion", he was gonna give it to her. And he didn't appreciate this Lady not seeing the LOVE like he did. However, in her fury, Smitten saw her memories, and of the Love that she had with this other woman. But it ended tragically and bitterly. Died by a fire. But it was REAL. A REAL love that was meaningful that was more than devotion.
Ley pushed the Tower out of the window, letting them fall into nothingness. The Tower realized that maybe using the face of a dead loved one was a bad call...but she still thinks highly of herself. Ley coldly responded "what is a God to a non-believer?"
She is taken away, leaving Ley to fall on forever. But she soon landed gently on the ground. Facing the mirror, Smitten was crying for the lost of the Tower, but also at the beauty of Ley's love. If that was what True Love looked like, maybe He could find it again. Ley told him that True Love doesn't exist. There isn't "the one" for you, just the "love" you made together with the one you choose. Smitten has a lot to think about, now...as he fades away.
The WITCH/THORN:
To go from a tragedy to a romance, Ley didn't want to betray the Princess. But the Narrator forced her hand, and in comes our "favorite" asshole. Rather than being summoned by Ley's feelings, it was the Narrator's feelings projected onto her, the rush of pulling one over on someone. Ley is NOT happy with either of these people in my head, and Opportunist was content to go back and forth between choosing a side. It got to a point where it caused her such a headache that she broke the Pristine Blade by jamming it against the root wall, and bent the handle so no one can get it out. It was an act of desperation against the Narrator and to show trust to the Witch. However, just as they were about to leave, Opportunist decided to try what the Narrator did last time. Ley struggled hard against him, which scared the Witch so much that she stabbed her with a sharp piece of root from the ground. She fell, but muttered an "I'm sorry" before fading away.
The next time she woke up, she had a pain in her chest. And the Voice was less of a voice and more of a person. This is where the Voice finally have a body of their own in the Construct, and Ley's first action was punch the ever loving shit out of the Opportunist. Blaming him for the Witch stabbing her when she was THIS CLOSE to saving her! She never wanted to betray her but the Narrator and now him were projecting those feelings onto her and now SHE has to bear the brunt of their treachery. She did stop wailing on him, but he was crying and begging her to stop by the end of it. All she did was glare in return, saying how pathetic he truly was...before walking to the cabin, skipping the Pristine Blade all together that was just sitting there. The Thorn was there, vulnerable and surrounded by painful thorns, obviously she is scared of Ley for even MORE reasons than the canon one. Because how could she still trust herself, after what she saw and almost did? Ley answered back that she resisted, every step of the way. She never stopped resisting, and she will continue to resist, until both of them made it out of here. With her bare hands, she tore into the vines, not caring if they bleed, Thorn's protest or the Narrator's attempts to make her stop via tedium. She ketp going.
Then, a tap on her shoulder. Whipping around, it's the Opportunist, one hand holding an eye that she punched earlier, and another...the Blade, extended to her, hilt facing her. He makes a non-committal reasoning for being here ("it's better to stick together" and all that) but I ranted enough about what he actually feels before...so with the knife, she cut the Thorn and the 3 of them Escaped the basement.
In the Long Quiet, the Opportunist stood before her. The root that stabbed her chest was now in his and blooming a rose, and the shiner she put in his eye was now a poppy, like the Thorn's. He...apologized, truthfully, for his actions. There is no one to witness them, so to him, this was his only chance to say sorry. He just wanted to live...and that blinded him to the opportunities that he could have gotten, if he was kinder. Ley said that she...won't accept it, not yet...but she can acknowledge that if he's truthful, than one day, she will. And that she wasn't the only person he'd hurt. Thorn was too...if he see her again, he has a lot to make up for. He begged to not be taken away, to not die or be asleep before he got to say sorry to her. But something tells Ley that he will see Thorn again...but she won't.
((I am stopping here because I am CRAMPING: tune in next time for Broken, Cheated, Hunted, Paranoid, Cold and Contrarian!
And thanks for making it this far. It was...very nerve wracking to do this. To show my work like this outside of friends so I hope this resonated with you and I hope you asked me questions about them.
#mai art#mai rambles#slay the princess#stp au#stp: the first draft#stp voices#stp princesses#((not tagging all of em here))#((bc HOOH boi))#((yhat took over an hour))#((if you have any questions))#((don't be shy))#((any reason to talk about this au is welcomed))#stp oc#stp narrator#stp spoilers
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Lies of P AU comic - chapter 4
The Boy with the Arms - chapter 4 is now finished! Read it here; please mind cw: body horrorâŒïž
#my art#lies of p#tower au comic#lies of p venigni#there is so much love in this chapter and I tried my best to let the camera angles/ framing/ composition/ lighting reflect that đ„ș
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Nothing like finishing this weeks Blue Exorcist, knowing what happens next in the manga, and very excitedly realizing the episode that comes out the day after your birthday is the ~suicide~ episode. Yay for me!
#blue exorcist#blue exorcist spoilers#listen I love Yukio and his shitty mental health very much#and that chapter is one of my favorites#there is one specifical panel when he's at Shiemi's before they go inside#when he's standing on the stairs#and it's just this like... wide shot of the 2 of them from a distance#it feels SO LONELY and isolating and I need them to translate that for the anime#they skipped a lot of little moments for saving time and some of the background music has been weird#but that scene needs to be perfect pls and thnx#and the best bit is knowing even further after that scene you get the emotional payoff of the 'I've tried to kill myself many times'#'exCUSE ME????' fight?#Ilu blue exorcist#let's hit rock bottom and gooooo
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Favorite Student.
WARNINGS: YES THIS IS PROFESSOR AND STUDENT FUCKING IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T READ IT. both of yall are adults i think like 22 and 28 or something like that so it's not like the worst of the worst but yes. there are power dynamics blah blah, sunghoon is massive pervert, ITS ALL FICTION YALL
um includes....perverted sunghoon, eating out, teasing, pet names, sex in an office, fingering, it's me so ya know
Synopsis: A class you'd hated, but a professor you'd always admired...
A/N: DAISY BACKKKKK
SUNGHOON STANS ARE THE BESTTTTT at writing and giving me anons and feedback and comments and reblogs which is why I will always spoil them bc they treat me the best <333. next fic is a heeseung one sooo if you want more heeseung content make sure to give that one as much love too when it comes out!
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He was the meanest professor around, bar none.
But in your current predicament, he was the only professor left for the class you needed to take, unless you wanted to wait and thus delay your graduation by a whole semester.
That's how you found yourself standing outside his office, swinging back and forth on your heels, trying to get the courage to go in and ask him for help on the chapter that seemed like no one in your class was getting, you included.
"What are you doing standing outside my office?"
At the sound of his voice you jumped and turned around, heart racing in your ears as you tried to give him some eye contact; ultimately failing miserably.
"U-Um, I needed help with chapter 14 in the textbook and no one in my section really got it either so I figured I'd stop by-"
"Did you look at the lecture notes?"
"Y-yes sir."
"The supplemental videos?"
You nodded again.
Dr. Park sighed and moved past you to unlock his office door, letting the door swing shut past you as you walked in. The vibes of his room was austere to say the least and you couldn't tell if anyone had ever sat in the chair across from him given how spotless and un-creased it was.
Well, first time for everything.
"So what are you needing help with? Do you have any notes or something?"
"U-uh yes sir, give me a sec," you stuttered out as you fidgeted with your bag to pull out your laptop, showing him all that you had done.
He leaned on his side of the thick oak desk so he could get a closer look at what you had done, the closer proximity causing cologne you could only surmise to be expensive filling your nose. You fidgeted in your seat and moved some to lower your skirt as it rode up, trying to think of something to fill the awkward silence as he scrolled through what you had done.
Luckily, he beat you to it.
"Well, it's not the worst thing I've seen." He sighed, taking off his glasses and pointing to your screen. "You still aren't understanding the basic concepts of this chapter yet and it's reflecting in your notes. You see this summary outline you wrote here is-"
Your eyes absentmindedly drifted to his alabaster forearms that were shown from the rolled up sleeves of his button up, thick large hands scrolling on your keyboard. His jaw and nose were sharp too and from the closeness you could make out his dark lashes, usually hidden by the thick framed glasses he wore.....
You were jolted out of your thoughts when he snapped his fingers in front of your face, eyebrows knitted in annoyance at you wasting his time by daydreaming.
"If you're going to come to my office I would think you'd listen to what I have to say," Sunghoon said through a clucked tongue.
You looked down and immediately apologized profusely, feeling tears well in your eyes. You weren't the best with scolding you never had been, but to have someone who was already not in the best of moods have it become worse because of you only made you more sensitive.
He looked at you from across the desk, a grown girl with mannerisms like that of a meek fawn.
A prey.
You swallowed thickly as he stood up and leaned over the desk, strands of mahogany hair falling into his eyes as he looked down at you.
"Hey hey, don't cry, we'll work through it together mmkay? You're a smart girl aren't you?"
It was a voice you'd never heard him use on anyone, and it made the hairs on your neck stand up and your legs squirm as he held your chin.
"I'm sorry it's just this is one of my final classes I need to graduate and everything is hard and I don't want to waste your time-"
"Aw, princess don't stress, don't stress," he cooed. The sweet and gentle tone of his voice was causing you to melt into his touch, wondering how someone who usually only spoke in stern curt sentences could produce such sounds.
You couldn't stop bouncing your legs and squirming in your seat as his fingertips stroked the underside of your chin softly, making soft shushes and coos at you to calm your nerves.
Fuck, he wanted to ruin you.
But he had to wait for you to make the move. He was in the precarious position and even though he could see in your gaze that you were begging for it, you were going to have to show him.
A little teasing should do the trick.
"Here, we have some time before the next test don't we? Start coming by my office everyday and we can work through this unit together so you won't have to worry alright" he offered up, sitting back down in his office chair with a soft smile on his face.
You sniffled and nodded at the premise before rushing out a plethora of "thank you"s to him, unable to stop the tingling on your chin from where he had touched you as he left........
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"Here sweetheart move your chair over to my side of the desk so you can get a better look at my screen," he offered up, moving his chair over some to make some room.
"O-okay sure," you agreed, the name "sweetheart" ringing throughout your head. Had he always used that nickname for you? Or was he just using it as a coverup for forgetting your name? Whatever the reason, your mind was spinning in circles at the gentle way he said it.
âCmon, you can come a little closer than that, I donât bite ya knowâ, he hummed, pulling your chair closer to his. You nodded because you didnât trust your voice and your mind couldnât stop wandering to how large his hands looked as he pointed out errors in the extra assignments heâd given you, talking you softly through each one.
"Does that make sense?" he inquired gently, placing his head on your thigh and squeezing it. The contact made you jolt in your skin and you gulped before profusely nodding, truly able to grasp just how large his hands were as they sat on your plush thigh.
"Good girl, see you had no reason to be so worried, your work is been improving exponentially".
"T-thank you sir. I have to go to my next class now...." you trailed off awkwardly, fidgeting in your seat.
He smiled and stood up, waiting for you to do the same before escorting you to his door.
"Of course. Same time tomorrow?"
"Mhmm," you hummed, scurrying out of his office. You made a b-line to the bathroom to splash some cold water on your face, wondering if there was anything that gave away just how flustered you truly were in his proximity.
How can someone be so cute? Sunghoon hummed to himself as he sat at his desk, fiddling with his pen. His own hand still buzzed with excitement at how soft and warm your thigh was, and his mind couldn't help but trail further down a rabbit hole.
For the next month it seemed Sunghoon had only gotten friendlier and friendlier: you found out that he had a dog which he adored and would bring to the office if he was allowed to, that he had a younger sister, used to compete in sports (which you could attribute to his frame), and really liked fashion.
All the while, Sungoon used every opportunity to get you used to his touch; the stroking of your ear during one session, the soft touch of your shoulder the next. Every time you'd jolt before absentmindedly melting into it, and before you knew it you find yourself craving his touch.
You didn't dare your friends or anyone around you of your extra tutoring sessions, or that his hands were somehow find themself on yours. Surely you should be disgusted at yourself instead of electrified by the touches he leaves on you right?
But those thoughts would always disappear every time you walked into his office.
"So sorry I'm late!" you rushed out as you stepped into his office, panting from having sprinted up the stairs to get here.
Sunghoon looked up from the papers at his desk and smiled, flickering his head to come sit down.
"It's okay sweetheart don't worry," he hummed, trying to pull his eyes away from the sheen the shone on your neck.
"I've been so frazzled lately I hope you're not too mad at me being late," you rushed out, practically stumbling over to sit down in your chair.
He hummed and stared at your plush thighs that clung to the leather of the chair and watched as you shifted to prevent them sticking, getting flustered when you saw he was watching you.
"Sorry, I'm a bit sticky it's a bit warm outside, s-should I just stand instead?" you offered up quickly, standing up and fixing your sundress.
"Why don't you sit on my desk instead then? Here let me move these papers out of you way-"
"W-won't I get the desk dirty since I'm all sweaty" you interjected, heart racing as he cleared his desk off for you, making space so you'd have no choice but to sit right in front of his chair.
"Don't worry about it, now be a good girl and come sit," he cooed, giving you eyes that almost dared you to disobey him. Quickly you went over and sat on his desk, swallowing thickly when Sunghoon began massaging your calves as he removed your shoes.
"Poor baby rushed over to our tutoring session, your legs must be exhausted and aching," he soothed, tender hands working into the soft flesh of your skin.
"Only s-slightly, it's fine I"m used to it," you excused, squirming as Sunghoon leaned closer to your skin. "Is this something a professor should be um...doing, I mean I know we've gotten close b-but.." you trailed off, yelping when Sunghoon dragged his lips against your knee.
"Then tell me to stop kitten," he taunted, kissing the inner of your thighs as he slid off your other shoe, looking up at you through framed lenses.
"You're not stupid baby, your test grades prove that well enough. Surely you kept coming to our lessons hoping it'd end up like this," he continued, hoisting your legs over his shoulders as he pulled you closer against his face.
"I...I don't know," was all you could muster out, toes curling as he softly kissed your inner thighs. Sunghoon chuckled under his breath and stood up, pushing you down onto his desk as he took of his glasses.
The air was knocked out of you for a second as you lay splayed on the desk, the cool hardwood being a stark contrast to your sticky skin.
âItâs okay baby,â he leaned in, licking the sweat from your neck. âItâs okay to say you like doing perverted things with me. Go on, tell your professor how much you like itâ, he cooed, rubbing your puffy clit with his thumb.
You whined as felt something tightening in your tummy, mustering up the courage to speak.
âI-I like itâ, you choked out, your toes curling in your tube socks as you started to feel how thick his fingers really were.
âAwww, give me more than that yeah? Tell me exactly what you like.â He couldnât help himself. He wanted you to profess all types of profanities through hazy eyes and shaky legs, for you to beg to be ruined and defiled by him.
âI like..doing perverted things with you.â You felt your face burn as you stumbled your way through the sentence, rutting your hips into a feeling that only got tighter.
âAw you do? Well in that case let me teach my princess all the perverted things we can do together..." he trailed off, squeezing the side of your thighs.
"Good girl~, such a good girl~" Sunghoon cooed, lifting up the hem of your sundress. "Cute panties," he drawled as his index finger slid down the slit, pressing against the sticky wet patch. "Mind if I keep them?"
You couldn't help but buck your hips into the feeling as you nodded without a second thought, your nails digging into the gloss furnish of his desk.
"Sweetheart you shouldn't agree to everything I say," he spoke, cupping your heat in his hand and massaging it. You gripped onto his shoulders instead and whimpered into his chest as you felt trickles of wetness soak your cotton underwear, meak "I'm sorry"s leaving you.
"It's okay, it's okay, don't apologize. It's just," he moved the hair covering your ear with his mouth before kissing against it, letting out deep groans as he rutted himself against you.
"there are some bad people out there, waiting to take advantage of pretty young girls like you. Are you going to spread your legs for everyone?"
"No, it's j-just because it's...you," you whimpered against his chest.
Sunghoon sucked air through his teeth as his self control unraveled at the seams.
"Because it's me?" he inquired, kneeling down so he was eye-level with your soaked core, messing with the hem of your panties.
"Wait Ihaven'tshoweredso-" your legs shook around his head as his tongue pressed against the soaked wet patch of your underwear, groaning at the taste that trickled onto his tongue.
"Is that why you taste and smell so sweet princess?" He groaned, pulling your underwear down without a second thought to expose yourself barren to him, his cock twitching in his pants at how sticky you already were.
"Here hold my hand sweetheart, squeeze it as hard as you like," he cooed as he offered up his free hand to you. You obliged immediately and squeezed his digits as his other free hand rubbed softly against your swollen clit, leaving light kisses on the puffy bud.
You let out meek "I'm sorry"s as your nails dug into the alabaster skin of his hand, struggling to keep yourself still as you felt the warmth of his lips wrap around your clit before sucking softly.
"It's okay princess, just sink into the feeling, I'm going to make you feel so so good," he groaned between your legs. You nodded and felt your eyes flutter into the back your head as you felt every ridge of his tongue against your entrance, saliva mixing with arousal as he lapped up everything you gave him.
The pleasure only increased as he wantonly hummed around your bud, Sunghoon drunk off of how sweet and syrupy you tasted on his tongue.
Sunghoon was doing his best to not just pin you to the desk and fuck the daylights of you, not understanding how someone could be so intoxicating. Every thing from your little gasps of air to the whimpers you were trying to hide in your throat were making him dizzy, desperate even.
"Your hole is twitching every time I suck your clit princess," Sunghoon remarked as he came up for air, licking his lips clean. "It must want something in it huh?" he drawled, sliding two thick digits into you. Your back arched off the desk as you felt the tight stretch between your legs, your hands going to squeeze his wrist you whimpered.
"Oh no no baby, don't try to move away from it. Take it like a good girl, like my favorite student would," Sunghoon praised as he scissored his fingers inside of you, chuckling at how droplets of arousal leaked out.
Hearing him say you're his favorite student made your heart thrum in excitement, your thighs tensing up when the pads of his fingers pressed down against the spongy part of your walls.
"Pull your sundress down and play with your chest for me princess," Sunghoon ordered gently as he moved to the skin of your neck, infatuated with how he could feel your heart beating through his kisses. "Do it like how you do it when you're in your bed all alone, fingers between your legs..." he whispered against your ear, unable to hide his grin.
Your body felt unbearably hot as you whimpered and complied, pulling down the straps of your sundress and moving your bra. Your legs inexplicably shook as you tugged the pert buds, biting down on your lip as Sunghoon sped up the pace of his fingers.
Sunghoon made a mental note of your movements so he could replicate them next time, his mouth getting hungry as his mouth encircled a free nipple.
You spasmed slightly at his movements as you felt his coarse tongue suck and lick around the sensitive skin, making a point to hold eye contact with you any time your stare met his. Coupled with the gushing sounds he heard between your legs only got more turned on, leaving deep marks on your chest he was sure would last for days.
He couldn't help it, he was getting impatient, desperate to have you whimpering out his name and begging for him to ruin you in this godforsaken sundress.
"Fuck~ you're gonna get me in so much fucking trouble," Sunghoon groaned as he felt your walls tighten around his fingers. "I'm sorry baby but I can't let you come from just some fingering now can I?" he teased.
The eyes you gave him almost broke him down right there as he pulled out his digits and sucked them clean, unbuckling his belt with the other. On any other occasion he'd love to have you on your knees trying to fit him in your soft mouth, but his patience for that was long gone.
Your eyes enlarged as you watched his member spring free and press against his lower abdomen, Sunghoon hissing through his teeth as he stroked the reddened tip.
"Don't worry princess, we're gonna make it fit okay? Even if you are this tight," he reassured teasingly, kissing your temple as he pinned both your hands in one of his.
"Y-you don't need a condom" you choked out.
Sunghoon raised brows and chuckled at the fact such a statement could come from such a timid mouth of yours, ripping it with his teeth and putting it on regardless.
"Mmm of course I do sweetheart," he cooed, rubbing his length between your folds. Even through the condom you could feel how warm and heavy his member felt between your legs, your mind racing at the fact that you were going to have sex with your professor.
"Besides, if I came inside would you be able to keep my load inside you like a good girl? We can't have a mess in my office now can we?" he drawled in your ear, pushing his thick tip past your walls. You already felt a stretch that was incomparable to his fingers and started struggling against his grip, Sunghoon only laughing at you and tightening his hold even more.
"Shhhh don't run princess, don't run, this is how it feels to be fucked by a real man yeah? No college guy could find my baby's special spot like I could," he soothed, finding it so cute how you sucked on your bottom lip to cope with the stretch.
You raised your head slightly to discover that he was only halfway in, despite how full your lower belly felt. When Sunghoon saw your widened eyes he could only pout at you, finding you absolutely adorable.
And adorable things deserved to be ruined.
"Here princess, kiss me yeah?"
Shakily you reached up some and connected your lips with his, jolting against his mouth as Sunghoon had taken the opportunity to push himself to the hilt.
"P-professor" was all you could whine out as you felt your mind go dazy, Sunghoon using the opportunity to slide his tongue against yours.
"You're doing so good, taking all of me princess, such a good girl," Sunghoon praised softly in between kisses. He knew once he started moving his hips you'd be a goner, already evident by how dazy your eyes looked when he stared into them.
You felt his tip push against the entrance of your cervix and you couldn't help but let out a sharp gasp at the feeling, biting down on Sunghoon's shoulder to cope with the heavy sensation in your tummy.
"Hello? Mr. Park are you in your office?"
Your eyes widened and you went to move to hide, recognizing the voice as your fellow classmate. Sunghoon only laughed at your attempts and pinned your wrists, giving you a "shh" motion as he continued pressing his hips against yours.
"Yeah, I'm here. However if my door is closed that means office hours are also closed correct?" he tsked, sucking a breath between his teeth as you clenched down around him.
Despite his seemingly calm composure you had your mouth squeezed shut feeling a tight knot start to form.
Your legs shook as you tried tapping his wrist with your bound hands, Sunghoon cooing at you softly and kissing your cheek.
"I know you're close baby, I know I know, just hold out for a bit longer mmkay? I'll take care of you, I will."
You could only nod as your face scrunched up from holding back your moans, desperately wondering why this student was so keen on getting into the office of one of the most stubborn people alive.
"I know, but there's this problem I really-"
"Rules are rules" he interjected, taking out his point on you by an extra forceful snap of his hips. Yours nails digged into your own skin as you tried to follow your professors wishes and hold out just a bit longer for him, softly whispering his name to garner his attention.
âJust a bit longer,â he shushed warmly, kissing your temple as he listened to the footsteps outside the door. Sure enough there was a sigh, followed by the sound of sneakers against the tile floor and the student walked away, Sunghoon relinquishing his grip on you and slowly speeding up his hips.
âP-Professor my tummy," was all you could manage out, squirming as you felt the knot get tighter.
"Mmm, you feel the pressure building right here?" Sunghoon couldn't help but tease, firmly pushing down on your lower belly. Your nails left red marks down his back and chest as you gasped at the feeling, mind slowly entering a point of incoherence.
You hazily nodded and felt your toes curl as Sunghoon peppered your neck with open mouth kisses, unable to stop himself from marking you.
"I'm close too princess, hold on just a bit longer for me and we can come together yeah? C'mon, I know you can," Sunghoon purred as his hips only sped up faster, raising your lower back slightly make sure he hit your spot every single time.
You could only hold your breath and scrunch your face as you tried warding off the feeling that was only getting stronger. Sunghoon's own resolve had withered away as he bit down on his bottom lip to suppress the groan that would be heard by the whole hallway, sweat on his entire body as you squeezed down on him like a vice.
"Fuck~ princess, go ahead and let loose for me."
You felt your mind go blank as the knot snapped tighter than you were anticipating, having to suppress your moans by burying yourself into Sunghoon's neck as liquid gushed from between your legs and your walls pulsed around sporadically.
Sunghoon's came shortly thereafter by burying his face in your own neck, his breathing ragged and uneven as he lay shaking on top of you.
There was a moment of silence between the two of you and your mind started swimming at what you'd just done and the mess you'd just made, knowing that if your ancestors were ever to watch you they'd hang their heads in shame.
Yet, that didn't stop you from wanting to do it again.
"Professor," you began, refusing to make eye contact with him after what you'd just done.
"Mmmm yes sweetheart?" Sunghoon cooed as he slowly pulled out, his collarbones and forehead glistening with sweat as he hid the evidence.
"Next time, I-I wanna do it...at your place," you offered up. This was a dangerous and well, a fireable request, you both knew that. However, that didn't stop Sunghoon from bending down to kiss your collarbones and chin, beaming it with happiness.
"I think I'd quite like that arrangement princess."
#enhypen smut#enhypen scenarios#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#enhypen fanfic#sunghoon hard thoughts#sunghoon hard hours#sunghoon smut#sunghoon fanfic
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Home Cooked Meal
CHAPTER 4 | ASHES TO EMBERS
can be read as a stand alone :)
PAIRING: Firefighter!Neighbour!Bucky x Fem!Reader
WARNINGS: Smut (finally) - dirty talk, pet names, oral f and m receiving, fingering, tit play, praise kink, hand kink?, ball play, hair pulling, unprotected PinV sex, aftercare, reader and bucky have dinner, swearing, fluff, let me know if i missed anything!
SUMMARY: You surprise Bucky with a home cooked meal after his shift, and itâs the best damn thing heâs had in years. The pasta was pretty good too.
WORD COUNT: 10550 (ngl i rechecked this three times cuz i didnât think i wrote this much but turns out i did in fact write over 10k words im sorry lmao)
PREVIOUS CHAPTER // NEXT CHAPTER
Call me when you get home x
Your text still sits on Buckyâs lock screen, read but not opened, as he gets changed out of his work clothes.
Itâs fair to say that the message intrigued him when he first read it half an hour ago, just before he left the firehouse. His legs sped up your building stairwell faster than normal, desperate to find out why youâre awaiting his call.
Knowing you would have said so if you were in immediate danger, Bucky sifts through the multitude of possibilities that await him on the other side of the ring tone; none of which ease the butterflies in his stomach.
He walks to his kitchen, phone in hand, to get a glass of orange juice. Pulling up your contact page, he presses âcallâ and grabs the carton of juice from the fridge door.
You answer after just one ring, eager to hear his voice.
âHey, Barnes!â God, Bucky loves your voice.
âDoll.â His voice is soft, tone rising at the end with curiosity. âYou asked me to call, whatâs up?â
The firefighter swoons at the adorable giggle you let out, the sound distant from the mic as though youâve tried to hide it. âI was worried you didnât see my text.â You admit.
Bucky pictures you biting your lip anxiously, an accurate prediction for your current state.
âWhat are you doing right now?â
Glancing down at the yet-to-be-filled glass in front of him, Bucky leans a hand against the kitchen island. âJust about to get a drink, what are-â
âDonât!â You cut in. âDonât get a drink, I need you to come over.â
âWhat, now? Whatâs wrong?â
âNothings wrong, James. Just come knock, okay? Iâll see you in a minute!â
And with that, the call cuts off with a dull beep; Bucky brings the phone down from his ear and stares at it in confusion. Youâre being weird, never having hung up on him like that before.
Alpine meows from above the fridge, drawing her ownerâs attention away from the phone, only to tilt her head at him.
Even Alps is confused.
Deciding to just do what you told, Bucky slips his phone into the pocket of his dark jeans, returns the orange juice to the fridge and sets off for the front door. He finds himself checking over his appearance in the entry way mirror, eyes scanning over his outfit before he smooths out his hair.
Although he wonât admit it, Buckyâs spent a lot more time in front of that mirror lately; checking his collar isnât twisted, his hair isnât too messy and thereâs nothing stuck in his teeth. The need to look good, to look good for you, hasnât gone unnoticed by his colleagues.
He considers using the spare key you gave him and letting himself into your apartment but shakes the thought away.
She asked you to knock, Bucky. Not break in.
With one final nod in the mirror, Bucky leaves his apartment, stepping into the hallway heâs spent so many mornings and nights in with you.
Old jazz music greets his ears when he approaches your door, the soft melody sneaking through the cracks of the door frame. Bucky smiles to himself at the thought of you dancing in your kitchen, heart warming when he notices your humming.
Knocking thrice, the firefighter steps back and nervously stuffs his hands into his pockets. You always make him nervous, those darn butterflies stirring in his stomach whenever heâs about to see you. And when he does see you. Actually, theyâre there even when he imagines seeing you.
He takes a breath when he hears you shuffling up to the door, but nothing could prepare him for the sight when it swings open.
Rusty red fabric flows from your neckline to the middle of your thighs, small flowers dotted over the slightly orange colour. Two thin straps perched on your shoulders leave plenty of skin on show as your usual sun-pendant necklace sits between the v-neck of your dress. Which, by the way, perfectly presents the soft swell of your breasts.
It takes everything Bucky has to not drool at his breathtaking neighbour, but it takes even more to not dive on you and finally taste those pink lips.
Your skin is ablaze beneath his eyes and you revel in his reaction, the exact response you wanted when you pulled on the dress two hours ago.
âWeâre matching.â You grin, taking a moment to enjoy Buckyâs red henley.
âItâs almost like we planned it.â A chuckle escapes him, eyes trailing up from your thighs to meet yours.
âSpeaking of plans,â You reach out to pull Bucky closer, tugging his forearms until he pulls his hands out of his pockets, âI have a surprise for you.â
Is it letting me look at you in that dress all evening? Your neighbour thinks - hopes - as you lead him into your apartment.
Closing the door behind him, you take his hand in yours once more to guide him to your little kitchen/diner area. If you werenât looking ahead, youâd see Buckyâs cheeks flushed pink at your touch. Seeing your hand encompassed with his own will never fail to drive him crazy.
When he eventually looks up from your joined hands, heâs stunned to a halt. You turn back to him when you feel him plant his feet and your features twist into a nervous expression.
âI- Doll, what is all this?â The firefighters eyes are wide at your âsurpriseâ.
Your small dining table is set up for two; cream place mats lay beneath charcoal gray pasta dishes with wine glasses sitting at their corners. Thereâs even a little vase with pink and yellow tulips in between the two spaces.
âWell, remember that time when you told me you havenât had a proper home cooked meal in years?â You watch Bucky closely as you speak, waiting for some sign of approval.
âYou mean this morning?â He turns to you in wonder, thinking back to your conversation as he gave you a lift to the cafe. âI donât know what to say, doll.â
You roll back on your heels, hands scrunching your dress at your sides. âIs it okay? I know itâs a little cheesy and itâs last minute but I thought it would be a nice surprise for you after working all day. I mean, itâs not exactly at your home but itâs pretty cl-â
Bucky takes two long strides towards you and brings his hands to cup your cheeks; your words die on your tongue when he looks down at you with tender eyes.
âItâs perfect, Y/n.â He smiles, stroking his thumb over your cheek bone. âYou could feed me Alpineâs food and iâd still bow at your feet, sweets.â
Now youâre the one blushing. You heart skips when Buckyâs eyes drop to your lips with hunger in his gaze.
âAlways so good to me, arenât ya?â His words tempt a whimper from deep within you, a submissive whine held back by the last of your restraint.
âWell-â
The oven beeps, its sharp tone darting between your bodies and making you step back from Buckyâs hold.
âUhhâ Your mind is all over the place as the firefighter watches you with amusement, âI- I should, I mean- the pasta must be-â
âGo, doll.â Bucky shakes his head laughing quietly.
Your dress sways as you spin away to the stove, stirring various pots and tidying up the counters. Your neighbour watches you in awe, unashamedly enjoying the view; you just look so goddamn sexy in that cute little dress while you cook for him. He wishes he could come home to this every night.
âYou need a hand with anything, doll?â Buckyâs voice sounds from behind you.
âActually, yeah!â You glance over your shoulder. âCome here.â
If you keep bossing him about, Buckyâs gonna struggle not to tear that sweet little sundress right off you.
Settling in at your side, Bucky cocks his head. âWhat dâya need?â
You scoop some of the creamy tomato sauce onto a spoon and bring it to Buckyâs lips. âTry this for me.â
With bated breath, you watch his full lips wrap around the end of the spoon, his eyes bearing into yours as he drags the sauce into his mouth.
Bucky has no business looking as dirty as he does in this moment; you watch his adamâs apple bob as he swallows before his tongue juts out to catch a few missed drops. And just when you thought your panties would survive the sight, a moan ripples from his throat and you clench around nothing at the sound.
âGood?â You murmur, hoping he doesnât notice when you cross your legs.
He notices.
âDelicious,â Bucky takes the spoon from your hand and stretches across you to place it back in the pan, his right hand brushing against the small of your back, âyou did great, sweets.â
Fuck. Me.
You regather your composure and ask Bucky to get the wine from the fridge. He pours you both a glass, setting them back on the dining table gently before returning the bottle to its home.
âHey, could you bring the bowls over, please?â You call over your shoulder.
You plate up the sauce coated pasta while Bucky places the dirty pans in the sink, both working around each other like a fine tuned machine.
Before you can do it yourself, Bucky is picking up the bowls and laying them on the place mats, winking at you as he does so. He pulls your chair out for you, nodding for you to join him.
âFor you, Madame.â He jokes, allowing you to sit down while tucking you in.
You watch him round the table and take his own seat. âAnd they say chivalry is dead.â
Bucky grins at you. The orange glow of sunset shines through your windows, catching your features with grace. Your eyes shine beneath the light and Bucky canât help but find you angelic.
âYouâre beautiful, doll. I donât know if I said that earlier but, god, you look stunning tonight.â
Dropping your head, you play with the hem of your dress shyly. Your hair falls into your face, forcing you to push it behind your ears, though Bucky wishes he was close enough to do it himself.
With rose tinted cheeks, you look up at Bucky through your lashes. âYou say that to all your neighbours, Barnes?â You raise a brow with your teasing voice.
Bucky throws his head back and laughs heartily, a sound youâve come to adore.
âOnly the ones who cook for me.â He winks.
âDoesnât Ms Scott bring you pies every couple weeks?â
âAnd I tell her she looks ravishing every time.â
You giggle and tell Bucky to dig in, though you could happily sit and talk all night. While you both stop every now and then for a forkful of food, conversation bounces between you as it always does.
Tonight isnât much different to a typical evening with the firefighter next door; usually you share some snacks and beers, cozying up on the couch as you watch tv. Itâs become ritual for you to send Bucky a video of you playing the piano each evening, his phone playing the video on loop as he sleeps. Itâs strange, but the music creeps into his dreams and keeps them peaceful, keeps him away from that burning building.
Itâs been a few weeks since the night he was sent home early. Both you and Bucky felt a shift that night; waking up in his arms left you craving more, though youâve yet to tell him as much. You left him sleeping peacefully that morning when you left for work with only a couple hours of sleep under your belt.
Bucky hated waking up to find the other side of his bed empty, no longer feeling your heat. The note you left him eased the disappointment slightly, your neat handwriting promising to come back in your breaks. Neither of you have addressed how right it felt to sleep beside each other that night, despite spending all of your free time together with unspoken words hanging over you.
Instead, you dance around each other like two ghosts doomed to never touch. The bond between you is stronger than any youâve ever had, the magnetic lure undeniable for you both.
Your glasses have been emptied and refilled twice now - dinner long since been finished - and youâre starting to feel the buzz; those butterflies in your stomach have turned into a swarm of confidence, your brain taking a backseat from its usual overthinking.
âYou expect me to believe that you broke down the door before Sam could? The same guy who beat you at your physical a few weeks back?â You tease the brunette, a challenging brow raised at his rather unimpressed face.
âWhat are you trying to say there, doll?â
Buckyâs jaw clenches when you tilt your head slightly, eyes shining with amusement beneath the exposed hanging light bulbs.
âNothing to worry your cute little head about.â You watch Bucky relax into his chair slightly as you reach for your glass with a smirk. âJust that I doubt Sam has any difficulty kicking a door down, not with the way heâs built.â
The scoff to end all scoffs ripples from your neighbours throat; his bright blue orbs glare into you and his features twist into a scowl. Oh if looks could killâŠ
Buckyâs tone is flat, âDidnât know you were such an admirer of Wilsonâs build, Y/n.â
The lack of a pet name sends your confidence wavering, but not enough to keep you from having a little fun.
âWell, you know,â You bring the glass to your lips, âheâs hardly difficult to miss.â
Watching the deep ruby liquid pass over your lips, Bucky fights to hide the fury thatâs flooding his veins, forced to look away from your smug grin.
He knows, he knows, that youâre lying through your teeth, trying to get a rise out of his usually impenetrable facade, and yet he canât help but feel jealous.
Buckyâs painfully aware that he has no right to feel so possessive, not when he lays no claim to you. But the twist of his stomach is proof that he doesnât much care.
âMaybe I should just give you his number and you can cook him a meal next time.â Bucky grumbles.
âOh, thatâs alright, I already have his number.â
Youâve never seen Buckyâs head snap up as quickly as it just did, his gaze pinning you to your spot.
âYou what?â
Gently, you place your glass back on the table. âYeah, Steve gave him my number last week so he could get in touch.â
The fire in those blue eyes burns brighter with each word, his body so still that his chest is barely moving when he breathes. In fact, youâre not even sure if he is breathing. Hell, heâs not even sure if heâs breathing.
âIs that right?â Buckyâs gruff voice is laced with possessiveness, the low tone travelling straight to your panties till you swear you feel yourself throb. You wonder briefly if you have a jealousy kink and the sweet arousal dripping from your cunt only confirms your suspicions.
âMhm.â You hum in response, âIn fact, iâm going out for coffee with him next week.â
âHuh.â
Buckyâs chair screeches against the hardwood floor as he pushes himself back. You follow his movements with amused eyes when he stands up and grabs your plates before storming to the kitchen. You twist in your chair, watching him place the dishes in the sink and flick on the tap.
âJames, what are you doing?â You ask.
âWhat does it look like iâm doing?â Oh heâs grumpy, grumpy.
Buckyâs shoulders are tense beneath his tight henley, his sleeves now rolled up as he starts scrubbing at the plates. Itâs quiet while he concentrates on his work, only accompanied by the music still flowing from your speaker.
From the corner of his eye, the firefighter sees you rise from your chair, ears honed in on the sound of your feet pattering towards him.
Itâs now hard for Bucky to focus on anything but your breath on his neck, goosebumps littered across his skin like a rash. You stand right behind him, tracing your fingers up from the small of his back; Buckyâs muscles tense momentarily before melting at your touch, just like always.
âAsk me why iâm seeing Sam next week.â You order, hands still roaming the taut fabric on Buckyâs back. The command makes him pause and clench his eyes shut. Why are you making him talk about this when itâs tearing him apart?
The brunette turns in your hold but you donât release him, instead settling your hands on his waist.
âWhy are you seeing him, doll?â Bucky sounds despondent, brows furrowed in confusion as he looks down at you.
âHe asked me to teach his nephews to play the piano, Buck. Iâm meeting him and the boys on Wednesday, Sarah too.â
A shocked âWhatâ tumbles from his lips as the information sinks in, his frown slowly falling away as he processes your words.
âYeahâŠâ You grin, though itâs more like a smirk, content with yourself proving he was jealous.
In a desperate attempt to save his ego, Bucky rolls his eyes playfully. âI knew you werenât really attracted to that dumbass.â
You scoff and pat his chest lightly. âSure you did, Barnes. Now scoot, you wash âem, iâll dry âem.â
With his hands on his hips, he stays still as you nudge your way to his side, stretching to the window sill where your dish towels lay. Buckyâs never been in this position before, itâs always him whoâs teasing you; this is new territory for him and it irks him that you riled him up so easily.
Once he shakes his head clear, the firefighter returns to face the sink and starts washing the dishes again. You wait patiently while he works, humming along to whichever song is playing.
âYou like the old stuff, huh doll?â Bucky grins warmly at the slight sway of your hips, your radiance beaming like a lantern.
You giggle sheepishly and bite your lip, unknowingly sending Bucky spiralling. âI thought it was fitting for tonight, really leaning into the whole âhousewifeâ role.â
He raises a brow, âDoes that make me your doting husband then, sweets?â
Realising what you said, your cheeks heat up instantly and your eyes widen. You attempt to backtrack but your words stumble over one another as though youâre a little school girl.
Bucky, however, is basking in the familiarity of control; your rosy cheeks never fail to bring a smile to his face, and boy is he beaming right now.
âI meant- Itâs- You know what I meant, James.â You shoot daggers at him, though the idea of being married to your neighbour sends your heart into overdrive.
That swoon-worthy laugh greets your ears with haste, Buckyâs eyes crinkled at the corners as his chest reverberates with its force. Itâs impossible to bite back the grin thatâs fighting its way onto your lips.
Small tendrils of chestnut hair tumble from behind his ears, begging to be pushed back, but the buzz from the wine has dulled and you canât find the confidence to do it, no matter how much Buckyâs eyes are pleading you to.
âYou know, itâs sweet of you to teach the boys how to play.â He looks at you in adoration, the image of you spending time with Samâs nephews triggering a warmth to spread in his chest.
A breathy laugh escapes you as your gaze falls to the kitchen counter. You blush at the compliment and slowly start drying the dishes again.
âDo you spend much time with them?â You ask with a brief glance his way.
Bucky shrugs, âYeah, Sarah is always throwing barbecues for the squad. Theyâre good kids, and I bet theyâll love you!â
âOh God, I hope so. Iâve never taught before and iâm scared theyâll hate me and iâll destroy their dreams and-â You ramble away without noticing the frown tugging at your neighbours brows.
âTeach me.â
Huh?
âWhat?â You freeze.
âYou said youâve never taught before,â Bucky steps closer to you, his cologne swarming around you like a warm hug, âso practise on me. Teach me something.â
You almost laugh at his words, mind immediately jumping to the conclusion that heâs joking. But Bucky doesnât move, his blue eyes study your own, body so still that you fail to conjure a laugh. Heâs not joking.
Hesitation is written across your features, drawing a single shake of Buckyâs head. âCome on, sweets. Please? For me?â He pleads.
âOkay.â
Itâs scary how quickly you succumb to Buckyâs wishes; you fear youâd do awful things if only he asked and youâd even do it with a smile. Youâre so doomed.
With a triumphant grin, Bucky plucks the dish cloth and plate from your grasp and carefully places them on the sinkâs edge, before taking your hand in his and guiding you to your piano.
Nerves prickling beneath your skin, you trail behind him and silently revel in his touch. Itâs hard to not stare at his perfect body as you stumble around furniture, the sharp muscles of his shoulders rippling as he tugs you with him. Flicking off the speaker on the way, you fall onto the small piano stool beside Bucky, and with such little room, your left thigh is pressed up against his. The solid curve of his muscles prod into your flesh and yet despite the fluttering it causes in your stomach, youâre far more focused on his hands.
From the bulge of his toned biceps to the trail of prominent veins in his forearms, your eyes drag down Buckyâs arms till you pause at the sight of his large hands. They lay spread across the span of his thighs, his right pinky finger mere atoms away from your exposed skin where your dress has ridden up. You find yourself craving the sparks that alight with his touch, so you adjust your position to make sure your leg brushes against his hand.
It certainly hasnât gone amiss to the firefighter that youâve taken a liking to his hands. Sure, heâs caught you staring at them before, but the hunger in your gaze right now is greater than ever.
The corner of Buckyâs lip turns up into a smirk as he reaches for your hands once more, lifting them to rest on the ivory keys of your piano.
âWanna hear you play me something before you give me a lesson.â He admits, his words more of a demand than a question.
When you fail to respond, still caught up in scanning the crevices of his calloused hands, Bucky nudges your shoulder.
You shake your head with a dazed frown, âHuh?â
A playful chuckle falls from his pink lips, âI said play me something, sweets, before you start teachinâ me.â
You giggle sheepishly, sighing an âOhâ before you gather your thoughts. Bucky returns his hands to his lap - a movement you struggle to ignore - giving you free rein of the instrument.
Running through some songs you could teach him, you settle for one of your favourites, or more accurately, one of Buckyâs favourites. The cool surface of the keys is harsh beneath your fingertips, a stark contrast to the Bucky-induced-heat flushing through your veins, hands stretching into place as you prepare the opening chords.
Rhythmic tones swarm around the two of you as you begin playing, masterfully dancing across the keys like itâs a second language. Your graceful motions always bring Bucky to a halt as you entrap him in your art.
He recognises the song straight away, lips turning up at the sweet melody. You didnât even have to ask to know what he wanted to hear, you just knew. Buckyâs head feels light at the sight before him. A knowing grin has settled on your soft lips, your body ever so lightly swaying to the music, clearly getting lost the sounds.
Itâs impossible not to feel the adoring stare of your neighbour, no matter how hard you try to ignore it. Warmth is pooling in the depths of your heart where it feels like youâre bleeding out, your love for Bucky forcing out the blood till the only thing circulating through your veins is him. No longer able to cope with the feelings swarming within you, your fingers abruptly stop mid song before you turn to look up at the firefighter.
âOkay, your go.â You state, but when Bucky raises a bemused brow your way, you continue to instruct him. âCome on. Youâre gonna do the left hand, Iâll do the right.â
âYes Maâam!â Bucky chimes with a mock salute, earning him a glare.
It takes a few tries to move his fingers into the correct positions, both because heâs apparently wholeheartedly incapable of doing what you say but also because you may or may not zone out every time the veins of his hands stick out as he moves. But itâs still entirely his fault though. Entirely. âMaybe like 98% his fault. Thatâs seems fair.â You think.
âThere you go!â You cheer when the firefighter successfully plays the right notes in tandem.
âWould you look at that, not so useless after all.â Bucky winks at you and you blush lightly.
Glancing at him hopefully, you ask him to play the first chord you taught him.
âOh, umm-â He stutters, fingers flailing about and pressing random keys in search of the right pattern.
âHere, let meâŠâ You chuckle sweetly at how utterly lost he looks and move to help him.
Leaning forward, you drag Buckyâs fingers over the ridges of ivorite, slowly placing them on the correct keys. You feel his lust-filled eyes trained on your face while you work, though itâs getting harder and harder to focus under his stare.
A frown tugs at your brows when your mind goes blank as to where Bucky needs to put his left hand, his still-wandering gaze burning into you and spreading to your cunt faster than you care to admit.
Of course, Bucky notices your breath quickening, chest stumbling up and down with shaky pants. His proximity is intoxicating and the will to fight it is slowly slipping past you, fingers itching to trace up Buckyâs thick arms to his neck so you can finally pull his lips to yours.
Bucky reads every inch of your skin like heâs studying for an exam. From the clench of your jaw to your eyes fluttering shut, he knows that heâs winning this tussle for control.
âBuckyâŠâ You breathe, the wavering sigh rolling from your tongue like a stray secret.
âYes, doll?â Bucky smirks with glinting eyes and you bite back a whimper.
Opening your eyes, you keep them trained on where yours rest on his. âI canât focus with you looking at me like that.â
Bucky knows exactly what you mean but he canât help but toy with you. âLike what?â He cocks his head with faux innocence that fools no one.
You turn to look up at the firefighter, eyes meeting his half lidded ones, the blue of his eyes barely visible behind his lust-blown pupils but the blue you can see is so impossible dark that you wonder if they were ever light in the first place.
Taking a breath, you wet your lips so briefly that Bucky nearly misses it. Nearly. âLike you want to kiss me.â You say, barely above a whisper.
âOh,â Bucky sighs, leaning in closer, âI want to do much more than that.â
Your body is alight with need. Craving his touch, a breach of the barrier between you, you practically whine your reply. âThen why are you just staring?â
âWell, I wanna remember you like this; sweet, angelic, so perfect in your little sundress.â
With the back of his hand, Bucky nudges the hem of your dress higher till his whole hand is spread against your thigh. You quash the aching desire to glance at where your bodies meet and lock your eyes on Buckyâs, whose lips are turned into a knowing smirk.
âGotta savour it while I can.â He says as he pushes his palm further to your inner thigh, his pinky finger mere inches from your heat.
âWhy?â You ask, heart racing.
It dawns on you that you may actually pass out when the firefighter leans in close to you, nose pushing your hair aside to expose the soft skin of your neck which now sits defenceless to his advances. The heat of his breath is electrifying, lips nearing your pulse point eagerly.
Buckyâs lips ghost over your skin as he explains, âCause once Iâve had my way with you, youâre gonna be a hot fucking mess, sweets.â
A breathy moan tumbles from the depths of you chest at the crude insinuations of his words; your eyes flutter shut, an unintentional reaction that youâre grateful for as it hides the way your pupils roll to the back of your head.
Through the dark span of your eyelids, you picture exactly how Bucky will make you a hot fucking mess. Spread legs with his tongue delving through your folds, back arched as he pounds into your pussy with vigour, his hands guiding your hips back to meet his as he fucks you from behind. The images bear too much for you yet you canât stop picturing the salacious scenes, not when your neighbour is pressing open-mouthed kisses to the side of your neck.
âJamesâŠâ You sigh, voice carrying the weight of a thousand pleas.
âYeah? Is that what you want?â
Nodding your head desperately, you whine, unable to form any words beneath his sinful tongue.
âWords, doll.â Bucky says, lips hovering over your ear. Heâs struggling to hold back but canât let himself touch you the way he wants to until he hears you spell it out for him.
Turning your head slowly, you peer at Bucky with half-lidded eyes and a slack-jaw. âI want you, James. Please.â
Thatâs all it takes to disintegrate the final remnants of the firefighterâs self-control before his full lips meet your own with a hunger thatâs been brewing for months.
Buckyâs lips glide across yours, slotting between your own so easily itâs got you believing this is not your first kiss. Itâs soft and sweet but so goddamn sensual that you canât help but moan into his mouth, the now open gap giving him the perfect chance to slide his tongue inside.
You bring your hands up Buckyâs body and rest them on his neck, fingers tentatively feeding through the hair at the nape of his neck while you jostle for control of the kiss.
Forced to pull back for breath, you take a peek only to find those strikingly blue eyes already on yours.
âFuck, doll,â Bucky whispers, âyou donât know how long Iâve been waitinâ for this.â
âProbably not as long as I have.â You scoff.
âThen let me make up for lost time.â
âWait, what do y-â
Within moments, Bucky is lifting your legs over the bench and is knelt between them, his large hands teasing the hem of your dress as he keeps your thighs spread apart.
Your mouth is agape with surprise while you grab onto the piano behind you for stability, a mixture of nerves and anticipation coursing through your veins. And as if he can read your anxious thoughts, Bucky looks up at you with the most sincere expression across his soft features.
âDo you want me to stop?â He asks, despite the deep desire shining in his eyes. He wants you more than anything, but he needs to know you want him too.
Itâs an easy answer and youâre shaking your head faster than you care to admit, but the memory of Buckyâs prior words flash through your mind and you still just as quick.
âNo.â
Watching intently as he runs a hand from your ankle up to your knee, the firefighter rolls his bottom lip between his teeth when your breath hitches.
âThen promise me youâll tell me if that changes?â Bucky asks.
You reach down and run your fingers through his chestnut locks, tucking the few loose strands behind his ear.
âI promise.â
âYouâre gonna be the death of me, sweets.â
A hearty laugh reverberates through you, but youâre quickly silenced by Buckyâs lips on your inner thigh, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling. He kisses his way up to your heat, slowly pushing your dress higher and higher till the only thing between you and his mouth is the crimson lace panties covering your mound.
A sound you can only describe as a growl ripples through the room and you glance down at your neighbour to find him practically drooling at the sight of you. But then his eyes are on yours, his hungry, half-lidded eyes, and heâs tracing a finger over your clothed slit. Your breathing becomes laboured at his touch, your body, your mind, all of you at his mercy.
âBucky, pleaseâŠâ
âAh ah ah-â The firefighter tuts, â-since when do you call me Bucky?â
You frown, back arching slightly in search of some friction on your core, too aroused to process his words properly.
âLook at me, Y/n.â
The stern nature of his tone lures your eyes to his once more. âWhat?â You ask, confused.
âI havenât spent months goinâ crazy listening to you use my name only to have you call me Bucky when Iâm finally between your legs.â
The throb of your pussy spurs you on and you tilt your head teasingly. âTouch me, James.â You say, and he obeys.
Bucky glides his hands up to your hips and drags your panties lower and lower, his lips chasing the lace till thereâs no where left to kiss but your slick folds.
He hovers over your heat with bated breath before forcing himself to close his eyes and ask if youâre still okay with this.
âMore than okay, James.â You answer truthfully.
âGood, cause Iâm fucking starvinâ.â
You feel his mouth on your pussy before youâve even processed his words, tongue delving between your folds like he really is starving and you didnât just feed him the best dinner heâs had in years. Though something tells him that title is about to be beaten the second you cum all over his face.
Your mouth curves into an âoâ, the most pornographic of moans escaping you at the sinful sounds of Buckyâs mouth on your cunt. Drowning in increasingly intense waves of pleasure, your senses are dialled up to the max; with every flick of his tongue and suck on your clit, you find yourself falling deeper in your arousal. It becomes impossible to listen to anything Buckyâs telling you.
âYâtaste so sweet, doll.â
âDoing so good for me, arenât ya? My good girl.â
âLet me hear you, doll, need to hear how good you feel.â
Whether itâs praises or orders, thereâs no chance in hell of you understanding a word that falls from his lips, though Bucky doesnât mind. The clench of your soft thighs around his head tells him all he needs to know - that even if your heads not fulling comprehending him, your body is. And the sheer amount of slick glistening across your cunt is enough for him to know that youâre ready for more.
The sensation of Buckyâs finger tracing along your pussy lips sends your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your hips lifting off the stool.
âJames- oh fuck-â
Words die on your tongue when Bucky eases a finger inside you. White hot pleasure builds at your core, burning the last remnants of your self control, its embers coaxing a near-scream out of you.
âFuck, thatâs it, sweets. Thatâs- shit youâre so tight, pussyâs squeezing me and itâs just one finger.â
You mewl and squirm beneath him.
âHow you gonna handle two of âem, doll?â
Buckyâs mesmerised at the sight of his finger gliding in and out of you, drenched in your sweet juices, too beautiful of a sight for him to give up by eating you out. But when you groan at the suggestion of two fingers, he drags his gaze upwards and is greeted with a view thatâs evening better.
You, draped against the piano, head tilted back and brows drawn together while uneven sighs tumble from your swollen lips. God, you look heavenly, Bucky thinks. He doesnât realise heâs said it out loud, but it makes little difference seeing as youâre rather preoccupied with the thought of Bucky fucking another finger inside you.
âJames?â You call, reaching down to cover your left hand around the one at your sex, the other tugging on his hair.
âYeah? Are you alright? Do you want me to stop?â He panics, thinking youâve grabbed his hand to stop him.
Instead, you look him in the eye and say âAre you gunna fuck another finger inside of me or what?â
An awe-inspired grin spreads across Buckyâs face at your question. He keeps his blue orbs on yours while he presses a kiss to your clit and pushes himself higher till heâs inches from your face.
He rests a hand against the piano, caging you in and says, âAnything for my girl.â before a second digit joins his first.
The stretch knocks the wind out of your chest but Bucky hardly gives you any time to adjust, his fingers pumping in and out of you even faster than before. His palm slaps against your bundle of nerves with every thrust, the force riding to your chest where your tits bounce in rhythm.
âSo damn beautifulâŠâ The firefighter says.
You look up at him through your lashes and pull his lips to yours, tasting yourself on his tongue. With clashing teeth, the wet slapping sounds only feeds into the moment and Buckyâs suddenly very aware of the tightness in his jeans.
With each passing second, the cord in your stomach is getting so close to snapping that your mouth isnât even moving against Buckyâs anymore.
âFuck, James, Iâm- I-â
âShh, I know.â He presses a kiss to your forehead. âYou gonna cum all over my fingers, doll? Gonna let me see you fall apart?â
You nod feverishly.
âGood girl, now let go for me.â
Thatâs all it takes for the damn to break loose and the fiercest orgasm of your life to rack through your body. It reaches every part of you, all the cracks and crevices you never thought could be touched, yet here you are, feeling every inch of yourself set on fire.
âThatâs it, doll, thatâs it.â Bucky comforts you while you lay victim to the aftershocks of his work, slowing the thrust of his fingers till your breathing evens and he moves to gently circling your sensitive clit.
âHoly shitâŠâ You sigh, a satisfied and totally fucked-out grin playing across your lips.
Noticing how your hazy your eyes still are, Bucky smiles to himself while pressing loving kisses on your forehead.
âYou did real good for me, sweetheart.â He listens to you hum beneath him as he moves to kiss your temple. âYâlook so pretty when you cum, you know that? Even prettier than I imagined.â
You twist in your seat to face your neighbour. âYouâve imagined this too?â
âEvery night, doll.â
âHuhâŠâ
Though Buckyâs eyes remain fixed on yours, itâs obvious that his mind has slipped away; heâs now clouded by memories of his x-rated dreams, ones that have ended with him pumping his embarrassingly hard length into his fist one too many times, and his cock twitches in his ever-tightening pants. You notice the movement at his crotch and, emboldened by his confession and the best orgasm youâve ever had, you decide to take back some control.
âWhat have you pictured doing to me, James?â Your tone is so sweet, so innocent, that it takes a moment for your words to register in his brain. But when it does, boy, does a fresh wave of blood rush to his cock.
âYou sure you wanna know? Cuz it ainât all sweet and innocent.â He warns.
You say nothing and let your actions do all the talking; you slide a hand down to meet his left, the one still nestled between your sticky thighs, and tug it away from your cunt. With your eyes locked on his, you raise Buckyâs cum coated fingers to your mouth, slowly wrapping your lips around them and sucking your sweetness away. Making sure to give the firefighter a show, you swirl your tongue around his fingers before taking them as deep as you can, a knowing look in your eyes when you notice Bucky clenching his jaw.
After releasing his fingers from your swollen red lips, you press a kiss to the palm of his hand. âTell me.â
What you can only describe as a growl rises from the back of Buckyâs throat and before you know it, youâre being carried to your bedroom, legs bound tightly around his waist while your arms wrap loosely around his neck.
He sits down on the edge of the bed; hands resting on your hips and edging lower to your ass, his fingers grip the supple flesh to keep you in place.
His force on your hips is pushing you down on his ample bulge, sparking a flash of pleasure straight up your spine that escapes you with a moan. Bucky chuckles softly with a sinful grin as you tilt your head back at the feeling.
âYou wanna know what Iâve imagined us doing, doll?â The firefighter grabs your chin to bring your attention back to him. He runs the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip, tugging on it and letting it bounce back into place.
âIâve pictured us just like this.â He drops his hand to your neck, tracing the curve of your collar bone till it meets the strap of your sundress. âYou, naked and beautiful as ever, riding my cock like I know you can.â
You gasp lightly when he tugs your strap till itâs tumbling off your shoulder.
âAnd youâre telling me just how full you are, how stretched your little pussy is around me, choking my cock like a damn vice.â
Buckyâs filthy words send your hips into motion without warning; you grind your bare cunt over his crotch, the tent in his pants settling between your slick folds till his shaft is enveloped with your warmth.
âDoes that sound good, doll? To have my cock buried inside you when you bounce on it? Fuck, I bet your cunt is dripping for me again,â
âIt never stopped, James.â You whimper, your sensitive clit sending jolts up your frame as Bucky guides your hips over his.
âThatâs right, youâre never gonna use anything else to cum ever again. You got me now, doll. Iâm all you need. Me, my cock, Iâm gonna ruin everyone else for you.â
You donât even notice that Buckyâs hands are on the zip at your back, slowly pulling it down till the fabric are your chest goes slack, and with the straps already draped over your shoulders, the flowing material cascades around you, tumbling to your hips and leaving you defenseless to Buckyâs insatiable blue eyes.
âFuck me, sweets, youâre- god- youâre perfect.â He leans in and kisses your collarbone. âSo,â kiss, âSo,â kiss, âperfect.â
Your eyes flutter shut, lost in the feeling of his touch, and Bucky smirks when he sees you. He teases a hand up your soft skin till it sits just beneath your tit, daring to reach up and play with you in the ways heâs always dreamt of.
âIs this okay?â He asks, earning an even more passionate grind of your hips as you push your chest closer to his open mouth.
He chuckles, âNeedy, arenât ya, sweets?â
You whine.
âHmm, lucky for you, this is exactly what I imagined doing to you, what Iâve dreamt of for monthsâŠâ
His lips wrap around your hardened nipple with haste, the warmth of his mouth a welcome sensation. He sucks at the sensitive nub, this tongue reaching out to soothe you afterwards. You throw your head back and moan loudly.
The sound of bucky loudly licking and sucking on your tits is driving you crazy, to the point where your hips are stuttering over his, practically drowning in the feeling till you have no control over your movements.
âGod, I love your tits. Wanna act out every dream Iâve ever had of you. Fucking your tits, your throat, your cunt, anywhere youâll let me, doll, please. Iâve needed you for so long.â
You blush at the word love, surpressing the hope that is stirring at the possibility that your tits arenât the only thing he loves. Has he really wanted this as long as me? You wonder, picturing everything he just revealed heâs been wanting.
âMâSo fuckinâ hard for you sweetheart, I know you can feel me. Dickâs throbbing, doll, itâs sâhard it hurts.â
You pull at his hair so heâs looking up at you again and capture his lips in yours.
âI wanna see you, BuckyâŠâ
He groans and reaches for the hem of his shirt which he waists no time in tearing off. Your chest rises and falls heavier than before, eyes raking his physique just like you had that night he was leaving the shower at his place.
You trail a finger down his abs till it brushes the button of his jeans teasingly.
âAll of you, James.â You look pointedly at his crotch. âMay I?â You ask and when he nods, you climb off his lap and sink between his legs on the floor, you dress tumbling to the ground immediately.
Buckyâs abs tense as you work to undo the button, your hands tiny in comparison to his body. Next, you work the zipper up and over the bulge of his cock, the teeth desperate to come apart after being so constricted for so long. The two sides of denim snap away from the tent of his boxers, perfectly presenting where the firefighter so badly needs your touch.
He helps you kick off his jeans till the only thing between you is his boxers. You trace a finger up and down his shaft through the cotton, enjoying the sticky patch of pre cum leaking through the top.
âHave you ever imagined me sucking your cock, James?â You ask with half lidded eyes before kissing his covered shaft. âCause I have.â
Bucky whimpers - whimpers - at your words, his hips snapping up to your face uncontrollably.
You begin to drag down his boxers, trailing kisses down down down, your lips greeting his tip when his cock flicks up against them before your eyes even get chance to glance at him.
Your eyes flutter shut at the salty taste on your lips, revelling in the breathy moans from your neighbour.
âFuck- pl-please honey, I need your- argh- mouth around me!â
You make eye contact with him from your place on the floor and ask if heâs sure.
âMore than anything.â
And with that, you take his thick length into your mouth, lips sealing around his angry pink cock head briefly when your trace your tongue over his slit, before gliding lower down his cock.
You take as much of him as you can, but you need time to warm up having never taken a cock as large as his before.
âYouâre so big, baby.â You say as you pull off his shaft with a pop, âBiggest Iâve ever had in my mouth.â
A frustrated groan arises from the firefighter and you feel his hand on the back of your head, gently pushing you to his dick once more.
âSuck my cock, doll, just like weâve both imagined, nice and deep, please.â
You take the base of his cock in your hands and guide his tip back to your lips.
âAtta girl,â Bucky encourages as you take him deeper and deeper.
He feels you relaxing your throat to take more of him and his balls clench at the feeling.
âArgh fuck, fuck, fuck. Good girl, oh my god, yes!â
His praises and curses cheer you on and you manage as much of him as you can, only an inch or so remaining thatâs simply too thick to fit in your mouth. Lord knows how heâll fit in your pussy, but youâre sure heâll figure it out.
You bob your head on his length over and over till youâre in desperate need of air. You let your hands work your spit and his precum up and down his hard cock while you catch your breath and watch his beautiful face contort into one of extreme pleasure.
Your chest fills with pride at Buckyâs facial expressions; making him feel good is somehow more rewarding than anything youâve done in your life and you find yourself content at the thought of spending the rest of your days pleasing him.
Bucky is oblivious to the gratified smile toying your lips and wholly unprepared for your next movement.
âOh god- oh fuck, doll-â He groans, his breathing staggered and eyes clenched shut when you take his balls in your mouth, the skin sloppily wet from your work on his cock, and now enjoying the warmth of your mouth.
âOh honey, do that again, felt so go- argh!â Heâs interrupted by you tending to his sack once more, your tongue swirling around them and lightly sucking.
You moan around his pretty, swollen balls, the vibrations drawing a sigh of pleasure from your neighbour. The trimmed hair at the base of Buckyâs member is tickling your nose while you fight to taste every part of him.
With a final sharp suck, you release his balls with a small plop, plant a wet kiss on each and flatten you tongue to lick a bold stripe up his length. The tip of your muscle presses into the vein on the underside of his dick and Bucky thrusts upward, his hips bucking as he desperately searches for more.
As you ready yourself to glide his cock down your throat once more, you feel Buckyâs hand on your cheek, pulling you off him.
âWhatâs wrong? Did I do something?â You ask with a concerned frown, nervous that youâve done something wrong to have Bucky stopping you. You wrap your hand around his forearm, the one outstretched to hold your hair, while the other remains enclosed around his cock.
âNothinâ bad, sweets, itâs just that- fuck-â
You absentmindedly stroke your thumb over his girth, a motion you intend to be comforting but in reality, it just makes him throb even harder in your hands.
â-Iâm not gonna last much longer if you keep using your pretty mouth like that.â
âAnd thatâs a problem becauseâŠ?â
He laughs lightly and tucks your hair behind your ear. âCause as hot as youâd look swallowing my load, Iâd much rather cum inside that sweet pussy for our first time.â
You roll your bottom lip between your teeth before pecking a doting kiss to his forearm and letting Bucky pull you to your feet. His eyes follow yours till heâs looking up at you from his seated position, his hands falling to your hips with an awestruck face.
âWhat the hell did I do to deserve you?â His voice is barely above a whisper. You blush crimson.
âGet on the bed, doll.â He orders. âLay on your back.â
You do as he says and once youâve settled, he crawls on top of you. Itâs quiet for a moment as Bucky stares lovingly down at you, burning the image into his memory to remind him he has everything he needs.
âI should have found the guts to do this months agoâŠâ You murmur, pushing the fallen tendrils of chestnut hair behind his ear. He looks so goddamn perfect; the golden glow filtering through your window catching every feature youâve spent so long dreaming about, and now heâs here, really here, and you canât help but stroke his cheek with revere.
âWe have now, doll. Thatâs enough for me.â Bucky whispers. âAre you comfortable?â
You nod, truthfully, both in terms of your position but also for whatâs coming. But then his elbows bend out and heâs lowering himself onto you.
âHow about now?â
Thereâs a gleam in his eye and a playful smirk on his lips as he watches your chest heave, your body taking more of his weight now.
âNo!â You giggle.
âNo? Is this better?â Bucky teases, briefly laying his whole weight over you until you paw at his shoulders to push him off.
âJames! Youâre squishing me!â
The melody of your carefree laughter has Bucky melting and he pushes himself up onto his hands once more. His lip is tucked between his teeth, enjoying the view as he becomes increasingly aware of his cock now just one slip away from your pussy lips.
Quickly coming to your own awareness of Buckyâs rock hard length pressing into you, you sober up.
âDarling?â You tug on his bottom lip with the pad of your thumb.
Buckyâs brows pinch closer slightly.
âI need you inside me.â
His soft lips are crashing against yours within moments, his hand fighting between the nonexistent space between your bare bodies to grasp his cock and guide his tip to your bundle of nerves.
The sudden taste of how good Bucky can make you feel forces a sharp breath from you. Itâs so much yet not enough, all at the same time.
âTell me if you need me to stop, okay? Let me take care of you how you deserve.â
After a meek nod with your hands finding refuge in Buckyâs soft locks, he trails his cock head down your pink folds till it catches on the dip of your entrance.
Bucky tempts a whimper from you as he slides inside of you, your walls stretching to accommodate his larger than average member.
âFuck, doll, youâre so tight for me.â The firefighter moans, resisting the urge to snap his hips and bottom out completely.
Youâve yet to make a sound, the sting in your pussy not yet dissipating, and when you glance down at where your bodies meet, you realise youâre barely taking half of him.
âHey, hey, itâs okay,â Buckyâs reassuring voice is ghosting over your ear, âyouâre taking me so well, sweets. You need me to go slower?â
You clench your eyes shut briefly, âNo, keep going, youâre just soâŠâ
âSo what?â
Bucky watches a deep red creep up your neck before returning his gaze to your eyes, that now dance across the room avoiding him.
A gentle grasp on your chin draws you to face the breathtaking man above you and you clench around his dick.
âWhat happened to the little minx who was practically begginâ me to fuck her, huh? Donât get all shy on me now, dollface. Iâm so what?â
His words have you spilling yours without second thought. âYouâre so fucking thick, James, cockâs splittinâ me in half.â
He groans and snaps his hips fully into yours, making you scream out, âJamie!!!â
His scalp burns when you pull on his hair harder than before, your moans filling the room like a broken record. Bucky should be focused on the furrow of your brow, your laboured breaths, the way your cunt is choking him, anything about how perfect this feels, but all he can focus on is how with one thrust, you called him âJamieâ. And you didnât just say it, you screamed it.
âShit, honey, say it again.â
âJa-JamieâŠâ You whine and feel Bucky draw his hips back before pounding into you once more.
âAgain.â Your neighbour growls.
âOh my god, fuck- Iâ
âAgain.â
It takes everything you have to open your eyes and look at him. âFuck me, Jamie.â
âThatâs my girl.â
Bucky drives his length into you till his tip is hitting your cervix, the pleasure wrapping around your throat and squeezing the air out of you. You fight to breathe as Bucky drills into you, over and over, softly grunting with every thrust.
âNever felt anything as good as your cunt before, doll. Wanna spend the rest of my life buried inside you.â
You pull his lips to yours and, back arching from the mattress, dive your tongue into his mouth with vigour. He lets you explore his mouth while fucking you deep and fast, the headboard of your bed slamming against the wall and probably driving your neighbour crazy. Oh wait, he is your neighbour, and it is driving him crazy, but in the best way imaginable.
âSo goddamn tight, sweets, yâpussy was made for me,â He swallows your whimpers happily, âdonât you think? You feel how good iâm filling you up, honey? Sliding in anâ out so easy, youâre so fucking wet for my dick.â
âHarder, Jamie.â
Goddamn.
âKeep calling me that and Iâll do whatever you want.â
You lose yourself in his thrusts; the sting has long turned into the most pleasure youâve ever felt, and thatâs saying something after the orgasm he lulled from you only a few minutes ago.
âFuckinâ me s-so good, Jamie.â
âAh- just like that, baby.â
âIâm getting close, James, need you to go faster.â
Your pleas send Buckyâs cock pulsing and he does exactly as you wish. He fucks you faster, fighting off the desperate urge to cum inside your sweet cunt.
âJamieâŠâ You sigh.
He grins up at you from his place at your tits, his tongue reaching out to tease your nipples. You push his head down till he takes your sensitive bud in his mouth, sucking and swirling his tongue over it while he gropes its twin.
The tight coil in your stomach is twisting to its limit and you find yourself dangerously close to cumming around Buckyâs hard, thick length.
âIâm so- oh fuck- iâm so close, James.â
He lifts his head and eyes you with lust blown pupils.
âAre you gonna cum for me, doll? God, I can feel you clenching around me, you wanna cream all over my cock? Huh?â He smirks at your pornographic moans. âBet Iâll look so good covered in your cum, sweets, maybe Iâll let you clean me up, put that mouth to good use.â
âIâm gonna cum, iâm gonna cum,â You chant several times breathlessly.
âLet go for me, sweet girl, make a mess oâmy cock. Cum, doll.â
Your body shudders as your hips grind up into Buckyâs, your walls tightening before he feels you gush around him. Practically screaming in pleasure, you bite down on Buckyâs shoulder to quiet yourself, though the pain travels straight to his member, still fucking into you with force.
âFuck, James, youâre so perfect, never came so hard in my life- shit-â
Heâs groaning into your ear, his balls slamming against you and filling the room with salacious wet slaps.
âYouâre so wet and- fuck- I canât- I canât hold back much longer.â
You tug on the hair at the nape of his neck and lick up the side of his throat, tongue catching the salty beads of sweat in its path. Reaching his earlobe, you suck on it lightly and whisper into his ear.
âWant you to cum inside me, Jamie. Fill me up, please, I need your cum.â
âArgh, fuck!!â Your words send Bucky over the edge and his hips stutter while he finally lets go.
âOh god, yes!â Bucky grunts. âTake my cum, doll, fuckinâ take it.â
Your tongue seeks his neck once more, pressing open mouthed kisses as his cock shoots streams of white seed into you, the spurts seemingly never ending.
âFillinâ my cunt so much, Jamie- fuck- you feel so good!â
As his cock softens, his thrusts slow to a more bearable pace, both of you so sensitive from your orgasms. Catching your breath takes a minute or two, but in the meantime, you coax satisfied sighs from your firefighter by running your hands up and down his back; the light sheen of sweat greets your fingertips as you touch him tenderly.
With no words being shared, you focus solely on Buckyâs breathing, the rise and fall of his back beneath your hands and the weight of his body on yours. It should be uncomfortable, but youâve never felt so at home in a place, let alone with a person, in your life.
âThat wasâŠâ Bucky murmurs into your neck.
You finish his sentence, âPretty damn good.â Laughter ripples through the muscles of his back.
âYeah,â He agrees and pulls back slightly to look at you, âyou feeling okay?â
âIf by okay you mean âcompletely and utterly fucked outâ then yeah, Iâm great.â
You grin cheekily before pushing his hair behind his ear yet again, an act you find yourself praying that youâll get to do for the rest of your life.
âHow are you feeling?â You ask sincerely.
Those blue orbs flick between your own, laced with an emotion you hope to be love. âLike I want to be with you like this forever.â Bucky admits. âThat and completely and utterly fucked out.â
You laugh heartily, bringing a beaming smile to Buckyâs swollen red lips.
âLet me clean you up, doll.â He offers before pushing himself off you, much to your dismay. He disappears to your bathroom for a minute before returning with a damp cloth in hand.
âCan you spread your legs for me, sweets?â
He bites a chuckle at how quickly you obey him and gets to work, wiping away your shared cum from your pussy and goosebump-ridden thighs. The towel is warm and soft on your skin, lulling you to sleep, though you fight to keep your eyes on your neighbour.
âYouâre so beautiful, James.â You say, reaching to place your hand on his that sits beside you hip, where heâs leaning his weight.
He smiles sheepishly and focuses on the job at hand. Once youâre clean, Bucky carries you to the bathroom so you can do your business, waiting patiently outside after putting his boxers back on and grabbing his henley for you to wear.
When you step out of the bathroom, Buckyâs holding his he let out in front of you. âYou looked a bit cold so I thought you might want a shirt?â
You smile, âYour shirt?â
âYeahâŠâ He rubs the back of his neck, muscles flexing at the movement, âYou donât have to, I just thou-â
He stops talking when you pull the henley from his grasp and tug it over your head. It swallows you whole and the sleeves tumble past your hands, but Bucky thinks itâs perfect. Youâre perfect.
Grabbing his hand, you pull him back to your room and back into bed, tugging the sheets over you both where you nestle into his chest.
âYouâre staying, right?â You ask with the most puppy-dog eyes you can muster.
âOf course, doll.â
Smiling to yourself, you curl up against the firefighter. âWoulda cooked you a meal months ago if I knew thatâs all it took for you to finally fuck me.â
a/n: filth. pure filth. so sorry that it took me a lifetime to post this - life got lifey and it took me ages to get this right. itâs my second time writing any sort of smut so i hope it was good for yâall. thanks for all the support, it means the world to me. love you guys, red â€ïž
comment if youâd like to be added to the ashes to embers taglist đ§Ą
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25. 25 CHAPTERS THAT I'VE BEEN READING NON-STOP BECAUSE THIS FIC IS A FRAGGING PIECE OF ART THAT I COULDN'T FIND FOR DECADES AND IT JUST DROPPED ON ME WITH BLESSING OF GODS AND IT STILL HAS SO MANY CHAPTERS?????? I COULDN'T EVEN DRAW BECAUSE I JUST. READING. WOW
I NEED TO SCREAM SOMEWHERE. OKAY SO. AHAHA, I CAME AFTER JAZZ/PROWL, YEAH? AND THE FACT THAT IF TO GET JAZZ/PROWL'S WHATEVER THEY HAVE RIGHT NOW DESTROYING YET FINDING PLEASURE IN EACH OTHER'S COMFORT OR WANTING TO BE "ME AND HIM AGAINST THE WORLD", I STILL WILL LOVE IT SO MUCH (I will not turn caps out, I scream) BECAUSE EVERY CHARACTER. EVERY FRICKING CHARACTER, THEY WAY THEY ALL INTERACT. OOOOHHHH MY GOOOOODDDDDDDDDD. I LITERALLY CAN'T PUT IT DOWN IN WORDS, THIS FIC LITERALLY RUSHED IN THE TOP OF MY FAV BOOKS WHICH IS VERY, VERY SURPISING SINCE THERE ARE NOVELS ABOUT CULTIVATION/REBORN/GODS STUFF AND AHAHAHA. "MISTAKES ON MISTAKES" : WHAS'UP BOYS?? WHY NO ONE TOLD ME I WILL LOVE THIS JAZZ TO DEATH??? DESPERATELY WANTING TO LIVE WHILE ALSO BEING READY/EXPECT TO DIE ANY MOMENT. THIS BOY NEEDS THERAPY AND EVEN PROWL TRIES HIS BEST TO GUESS IN ADVANCE WHAT HE CAN DO WITH HIS TRAUMAS? AAAAAAAAAAA. THIS FIC HAS SO MUCH TASTY THINGS HAPPENING, YOU LITERALLY CAN TAKE ANY OF THEM AND BAM YOU WILL GET THE WHOLE DAMN ANIMATIC/ANIMATION BECAUSE. EVERY ONE OF THEM. CONNECTED ONE OR OTHER WAY OR DESCRIBED IN SUCH WAY THAT I JUST "HHHHUUHHHH" *INHALE-EXHALE*. LET ME IN IDIOT BOX TOO
#momu fanart#OKAY LET'S PUT IT THERE I DON'T KNOW HEAD TWISTING#cockroachdoodles#jazz#prowl#Ironhide#Cliffjumper#technically. Getting punched for being con bullshitter#transformers#maccadam#GGGGRGRGGRGGGGGRNNRNRNSDMMDMSFMS
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Could I request a one shot of Old Man Logan? Something with fluff and angst like a huge argument between him and his other half and Laura works to get them to make up after days of not talking
things i wish you said
chapter summary: You and Logan get into a fight and Laura tries to get the two of you to see the errors in your ways.
word count: 2.8k+
pairing: Logan Howlett x fem!reader
notes: thank y'all for sending in requests! i've been working on the last chapter of i love you, in every time but i ran into a bit of writer's block so the requests really helped <3
anyways, i hope this was what you wanted anon!
warnings/tags: au of 'logan (2017)' aka logan doesn't die at the end, arguments, angst, laura being smarter than reader and logan, really this is just laura being a smartass, fluff
"I canât believe you!â You set the dish towel angrily down on the counter, glaring at Logan. âYou are the most stubborn man I have ever met.â
Logan leaned back against the doorframe, arms crossed, his expression hard. âYeah? Well, someoneâs gotta be stubborn, considering youâre trying to fix a situation that ainât broken.â
âIt is broken, Logan!â you snapped, pointing a finger at him. âYou just refuse to see it because thatâs what you do! Shut everything out, pretend like nothingâs wrong until it all blows up in your face.â
His jaw clenched, and he shook his head. âWhatâs wrong is you makinâ a mountain out of a molehill. I said Iâll handle it.â
âYou handling it usually means disappearing for a week and coming back bloodied and brooding!â You threw your hands up, exasperated. âGod forbid you actually let someone help you for once.â
âI donât need your help!â he barked, his voice rising. âIâve been doinâ just fine on my own for years.â
âAnd look where thatâs gotten you!â The words came out sharper than you intended, but the frustration boiling in your chest wouldnât let you stop. âYouâre not on your own anymore, Logan. When are you gonna get that through your thick skull?â
Loganâs eyes darkened, and for a moment, he said nothing. Then, his voice dropped to a dangerous low. âYou donât think I know that? I didnât ask for any of this, but here we are. Iâm doinâ the best I can, and it ainât enough for you, is it?â
âThatâs not what I said!â You took a step toward him, shaking your head in disbelief. âBut you donât even try to meet me halfway. You just... shut down and push me out the second it gets hard.â
âMaybe Iâm tryinâ to protect you,â he shot back, his words laced with frustration.
âFrom what? From you?â Your voice cracked, the argument chipping away at the walls youâd built to keep your own emotions in check. âIâm not scared of you, Logan. What scares me is losing you because youâre too damn stubborn to let anyone in.â
Loganâs mouth opened as if to retort, but no words came. He stood there, breathing hard, the weight of your words hanging heavy between you. Without another word, he turned and stalked out of the room, the screen door slamming behind him.
You stood there, staring at the door, your heart pounding. Part of you wanted to go after him, to yell more, to make him understand. But another part of you was too tiredâtoo hurt.
The house was quiet now, save for the faint creak of the floorboards as Laura walked in from the hallway. She didnât say anything right away, just hovered in the doorway, her arms crossed in that way that made her look far older than her twelve years.
âYou two are so loud,â she finally said, her tone flat but edged with something that sounded suspiciously like annoyance.
You groaned, dropping your hands and looking over at her. âIâm sorry, sweetheart. We didnât mean to wake you.â
âI wasnât asleep,â Laura replied, stepping further into the kitchen. She pulled out a chair and sat across from you, her sharp gaze studying your face. âYouâre crying.â
You swiped at your cheek quickly, though you werenât sure why. Laura didnât miss much. âItâs nothing, kiddo.â
âIt didnât sound like nothing,â she said, her tone even. She leaned her elbows on the table, her small hands clasped together. âYou and Logan fight all the time now.â
âThatâs not true,â you replied automatically, though the words felt hollow as soon as you said them.
Laura just stared at you, unblinking. âIt is.â
You sighed, leaning back in your chair. âSometimes grown-ups argue. Thatâs just how it is.â
âYeah, but youâre mad at him all the time. And heâs mad at himself. Itâs annoying.â Her bluntness cut through you, and she tilted her head. âAre you going to leave?â
âWhat? No.â The question startled you, and you leaned forward. âNo, Laura. Iâm not going anywhere. I love Logan. I just... wish heâd stop shutting me out.â
Laura didnât say anything for a while. She just stared at you, her gaze as sharp as ever, like she was picking apart everything youâd just said.
Finally, she shrugged. âThen tell him.â
You blinked. âI have told him.â
âNo, you yelled at him.â Her voice was flat, matter-of-fact, and it made you feel about two inches tall. âThatâs not the same.â
You sighed, running a hand over your face. âItâs complicated, kid.â
Laura tilted her head. âNo, itâs not. Youâre mad. Heâs mad. You both stop talking. Then you stay mad.â
You stared at her, caught off guard by how simple she made it sound. âItâs not that easy.â
Laura didnât respond to that, just gave you a lookâone of those looks that made you realize this twelve-year-old could probably win a staring contest with the Grim Reaper. She stood up without another word and walked back toward the hallway, leaving you sitting there with a mix of frustration, guilt, and... something else you couldnât quite name.
---
The next few days were... quiet. Too quiet. Logan didnât come around much, and when he did, it was briefâmostly to grab a beer or say a gruff goodnight. You didnât push him, not yet, but the silence between you was its own kind of argument.
You also knew that he wasnât sleeping in bed with you. You could tell because youâd wake up early for work, only to find Logan sprawled out on the couch, his legs dangling off the armrest. You wouldâve woken him upâtold him to go to bed while you leftâbut you stopped yourself every time. The anger hadnât completely faded, but it had started to feel hollow, replaced by something heavier.
This morning was no different. You paused in the living room doorway, coffee in hand, watching him. He was fast asleep, one arm thrown over his face, the other hanging off the edge of the couch. You sighed quietly to yourself.
âJust go to bed, idiot,â you muttered under your breath, knowing he wouldnât hear it.
---
Laura stood in the doorway of the garage, watching Logan fiddle with the same part of the truck heâd been pretending to fix for the past twenty minutes. She didnât say anything at firstâjust stood there, arms crossed, her quiet presence heavy enough that Logan eventually sighed.
âYou gonna say somethinâ or just stand there starinâ?â he muttered without looking up, his voice rough.
Laura shrugged. âYouâre not fixing anything.â
Loganâs hands paused for half a second before he went back to the wrench, a little harder this time. âTruck needs work.â
âIt doesnât,â Laura said bluntly. âYouâre hiding.â
Logan froze again, jaw tightening. âAinât hidinâ.â
âYou are,â she insisted. Laura took a step closer, eyeing him like he was some kind of experiment she was studying. âYou and Y/N are mad. Itâs annoying.â
Logan finally looked up at her, scowling. âWhatâs annoying is you stickinâ your nose where it donât belong.â
Laura didnât flinch. She just stared at him, unfazed as ever. âIf you donât talk to her, sheâs going to leave.â
Loganâs eyes narrowed, and his grip on the wrench tightened. âSheâs not gonna leave.â
Laura raised an eyebrow. âYou sure?â
Logan stared at her, expression unreadable, but he didnât answer. He looked back at the truck instead, as if the bolts and metal could give him something to focus on. âYou donât know what youâre talkinâ about, kid.â
Laura stepped closer, crossing her arms tighter over her chest. âI know you. And I know her. She cries when youâre not looking.â
Logan stilled, his shoulders tensing, but he didnât look at her. He didnât want to hear itâdidnât want to think about it.
Laura didnât stop. âYou think shutting her out makes her safer, but it doesnât. It just makes her sad.â
âLaura,â Logan said sharply, his voice low.
She ignored the warning in his tone. âYou donât want her to leave, but youâre acting like you do.â
That hit something, and Logan finally set the wrench down, exhaling harshly. âYou donât get it.â
âI do.â Lauraâs voice was calm, but there was something pointed beneath it. âYouâre scared. You donât want to need her.â
Logan looked at her, his scowl deeper now, though it lacked its usual bite. âYeah? Whereâd you get all that from?â
Laura shrugged. âI watch you. I listen. Youâre both loud.â
Logan shook his head and ran a hand over his face, grumbling under his breath. âYouâre a real pain, you know that?â
She just tilted her head. âYouâre worse.â
Logan let out a low, humorless chuckle. âGreat. So now Iâm gettinâ life advice from a twelve-year-old.â
Laura shrugged again and turned to leave. âIf you donât talk to her, I will.â
That got his attention. âHeyââ
But she was already walking out of the garage, not bothering to look back. âYouâre welcome,â she called flatly.
Logan swore under his breath, watching her disappear. He sat there for a moment, hands resting on his knees, staring at the half-fixed truck. He hated that kid sometimesâhated how she could cut right through him like that.
And worse, she was right.
---
You came back from work late, opting to eat out instead of at home to avoid any awkward interactions. By the time you walked through the door, the house was dark except for the faint glow of the kitchen light. You set your bag down quietly, not wanting to risk waking anyone up.
But as you turned toward the living room, you noticed Logan sitting on the couch, a half-empty bottle of whiskey on the coffee table. He wasnât looking at youâhis gaze was fixed on the floor, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped loosely together.
You hesitated, debating whether to say anything or just go straight to bed. Before you could decide, his gravelly voice cut through the silence.
âYou didnât come home last night.â
You froze, then blinked. âWhat?â
He finally looked up at you, his expression unreadable. âLaura told me. Said she noticed. I didnât.â
You frowned, your heart sinking a little. âLogan, Iââ
âI shouldâve noticed,â he interrupted, his voice low, almost too quiet. He leaned back, rubbing a hand over his face. âThatâs on me.â
You crossed your arms, unsure what to say. âI didnât stay out because of you.â
âYeah, you did,â he replied bluntly, cutting you off again. âYouâre avoiding me. I get it.â
The way he said itâso matter-of-fact, like he was resigned to itâmade something twist in your chest. You sighed, running a hand through your hair. âIâm not avoiding you. I just needed... space.â
Logan scoffed, his lips curling into a humorless smirk. âSpace. Right. Because Iâm such a walk in the park to be around.â
âLoganââ
âI get it,â he repeated, louder this time, his frustration bubbling to the surface. âYou donât have to explain it. I know what Iâm like. Hell, Laura reminds me every day.â
You shook your head, stepping closer. âThis isnât about Laura. Itâs not even about you being... difficult. Itâs about you not letting me in.â
He stiffened at that, his jaw clenching. âIâm tryinâ.â
âAre you?â Your voice softened, but the hurt was still there. âBecause from where Iâm standing, it feels like youâre just waiting for me to give up.â
His eyes flicked to yours, and for a second, you thought he might argue. But then he sighed, slumping back against the couch. âI donât know how to do this,â he admitted, his voice rough, almost bitter. âI donât know how to let someone in without... screwinâ it all up.â
You stared at him, the anger youâd been holding onto slipping away, replaced by something softer. âYou donât have to have all the answers, Logan. I donât expect you to be perfect. I just need you to try.â
âI am trying,â he muttered, his voice quieter now. âIt just... doesnât feel like itâs enough.â
âIt is,â you said firmly, stepping closer until you were standing in front of him. âBut you canât keep shutting me out every time things get hard. Thatâs not how this works.â
He looked up at you, his expression guarded but vulnerable in a way you rarely saw. For a long moment, he didnât say anything, just studied your face like he was trying to decide whether to believe you.
Finally, he let out a long breath and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees again. âI donât want to lose you.â
âYou wonât,â you said softly, your voice steady. âBut you have to let me stay.â
Logan nodded slowly, like he was finally starting to understand. âAlright,â he said, his voice low but resolute. âIâll... figure it out.â
âThatâs all Iâm asking,â you said, offering a small, tentative smile.
He didnât smile back, but the tension in his shoulders eased slightly. He leaned back against the couch, his eyes meeting yours. âYou eaten?â
You blinked at the sudden change in topic. âWhat?â
âYou look tired,â he said gruffly. âBet you skipped dinner.â
You huffed a quiet laugh, shaking your head. âI grabbed something on the way home.â
"Good," he muttered again, leaning back against the couch with a long exhale. His hand moved to the bottle of whiskey, but instead of picking it up, his fingers drummed against the glass absently.
You hesitated, then walked over to the couch, standing just in front of him. âLogan.â
He looked up at you, his brow furrowing slightly, waiting for you to say whatever was on your mind.
Instead, you sat down beside him, close enough that your knees touched. For a second, neither of you said anything. Then Logan let out another heavy sigh, reached over, and pulled you into his lap with a quiet grunt.
âLoganââ
âJust sit,â he said, his tone softer than usual, though still carrying that gruff edge. One of his hands rested lightly on your hip, the other settled on your thigh. His forehead dropped against your shoulder, and you could feel the tension in him start to ease as he let himself rest against you.
Your hands moved up instinctively, one settling on his arm, the other gently threading through his hair. He didnât say anything at first, just breathed deeply, the weight of the past few days pressing down on both of you.
âYou should come to bed tonight,â you murmured after a while, your voice quiet but steady.
Logan didnât move, but you felt the way his body tensed under you. âIâm fine out here.â
âYouâre not,â you said simply, your fingers brushing through his hair again. âYou look miserable on this couch.â
He huffed a quiet laugh against your shoulder. âIâll survive.â
âThatâs not the point,â you pressed. âI want you in bed. With me. Where you belong.â
Logan lifted his head then, his eyes meeting yours. His expression was guarded, but there was something softer there too, like he was considering your words. âYou sure you want me there?â
âOf course Iâm sure,â you said, your hand moving to cup his jaw. âI always want you there, Logan. Even when Iâm mad at you. Especially when Iâm mad at you.â
That earned a faint smirk from him, though it didnât quite reach his eyes. âDidnât think I was much for sharing a bed with someone.â
âWell, youâre not great at it,â you teased, trying to lighten the mood. âYou steal the blankets, and you snore.â
âDonât snore,â he muttered, his lips twitching slightly.
âYou absolutely snore,â you shot back, smiling despite yourself. âBut I donât care. I just want you there.â
Logan studied you for a moment, his hand tightening slightly on your hip. Finally, he gave a small nod. âAlright.â
You smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to his temple. âGood.â
For a few minutes, you stayed like that, the silence between you no longer heavy but comfortable. Loganâs head rested against your chest, and you could feel the tension slowly draining out of him as your fingers moved lazily through his hair.
âYâknow,â he muttered after a while, his voice low, âLauraâs a pain in the ass sometimes.â
You chuckled softly. âSheâs just looking out for you. For us.â
Logan grunted, his arm tightening around you slightly. âKidâs too damn smart for her own good.â
âShe gets that from you,â you said, smiling.
That earned another faint smirk, though he didnât argue. Instead, he let out a quiet sigh, his eyes closing as he rested against you. âIâll talk to her tomorrow.â
âGood,â you said softly, your hand continuing to stroke his hair.
For the first time in days, the tension between you felt like it was beginning to mend.
#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#james howlett x reader#james howlett x you#logan howlett#logan howlett fanfiction#logan howlett x fem!reader#logan howlett fic#old man logan#old man logan x reader
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Hold You Tight: Part 12
Pairing: Club Owner!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Fic Summary: The owner of The 107th wants you to be his girl whether you like it or not.
Part 11 | Series Masterlist | Part 13
Chapter Word Count: Over 4.7k
Chapter Summary: Bucky gets under your skin when he takes you shopping.
Chapter Warnings: DARK AU, dirty talk, mild dubcon (kissing, touching), tension, unease, possessiveness, inner turmoil, gaslighting, manipulation, slight feels, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?), more warnings to come.
A/N: More Hold You Tight and hope you enjoy! Bucky edit by the beautiful @nixakimbo . â€ïž Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby , but any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
You werenât sure how much time passed with Buckyâs head resting in your lap, your fingers absentmindedly moving through his hair. While his body relaxed, you remained rigid. You tried to think of positive things. Your upcoming trip to the winery, Addisonâs wedding. The images in your mind darkened though as if a cloud loomed over them. In a way, it did because you didnât know what Bucky had planned for those events. Because even if Bucky really let you go to the winery alone, someone would be watching.
You forced the cloud in your mind to lift. Things could still be positive. You could still have a good day and have the best time with your friends.
âIâm sorry, but I have to get back to work,â you whispered.
âOf course,â he whispered back, pressing a kiss to your thigh and lifting his head with a smile. The darkness had left his eyes. How long until it returned? âThank you for calming me down.â
âOf course,â you echoed because what else could you do?
Brushing his pants off once he got to his feet, he helped you up and didnât let go of your hand. You didnât attempt to pull away. He made sure to grab the money you left on the table before he paid the server and you tried to give the poor guy a smile when you thanked him. You just wanted to get on with your day.
As Bucky led you out of the cafe and back to the shop, you caught Rayâs gaze as he stood by the car and waited for his boss. Whatever concern he showed for you faded when he blinked. How did he deal with this life? Would he ever walk away from it?
âIâll pick you up after work then?â Bucky asked.
âSure,â you said. You didnât tell him when your shift ended, but he knew, didnât he? âThanks for lunch.â
âIt was my pleasure, but one more thing.â Bucky stopped you before you could enter the shop. âThis regular customer you mentioned earlier. How often does he stop in?â
He asked as if he had no idea and maybe he didnât in this case. That assumption didnât ease your worries. âOnce a month,â you said, your stomach turning slightly. âListen, the roses he tried to give to me, I gave them to him first. They were his usual order and I thought it would be nice gesture and I was just-â
His brows pinched a little as his hands gently framed your cheeks. âKotyonok, why do you sound so upset?â He asked, his thumbs moving in a soothing motion as you took a deep breath. âWait, are you scared that Iâd be mad at you?â
âI⊠I donât know,â you said. You didnât necessarily think heâd be upset with you, but after his mood swings at lunch and everything else so far you weren't sure what to expect. âI just don't know.â
âNo, no, no, Iâm not mad at you. Why would I be mad that you were kind to another person? Thatâs one of the things I love about you. It drew me to you,â he assured you. You oddly felt better by his assurance. âI donât want you to stop doing kind things for others because youâre worried it might upset me.â
âSo, it doesnât upset you?â
âYou being you would never upset me,â he smiled. He had said more than once that he loved you as a person, so maybe he was telling the truth. âA man trying to give flowers to you while going through a break-up is, at the very least, a little strange.â
âYeah, I guess so,â you said, not wanting to admit that he had a point and that you were slightly put off when Clark tried to give the roses to you.
âIâm also well aware that you donât hit on any guy who comes into your shop, so I wouldnât view any act of kindness to a customer as trying to get their attention.â
âThatâs true,â you agreed. Even Ray had pointed out to you that you didnât give guys in the shop the time of day. Why would you when most of them were buying flowers for someone else? âBut I just wanted you to know.â
âI appreciate you telling me, but you have nothing to worry about. Just have a good rest of the day.â With a kiss to the corner of your mouth, he whispered, âIâll be thinking of you until I see you again.â
You werenât sure why your heart fluttered. Relief that Bucky reacted calmly to what you said? You didnât dwell on it as he held the door open and smiled after you as you went back into the shop. It was time to concentrate on work again.
Mrs. Crandle smiled and waved to Bucky through the door. âOh, he is a looker,â she winked. âHow was lunch, dear?â
âThe food was good and Bucky and I got to talk a bit, which was⊠nice,â you answered, glancing around the shop and wondering if the place was bugged, too. Could he get access to the shop? Letting you continue to work seemed too good to be true, but heâd have nothing to worry about if he had eyes and ears there, too. âHeâs taking me shopping tonight.â
She clapped her hands. âOh, thatâs wonderful! And donât you dare be modest. Let him spoil you.â
âI have a feeling heâll spoil me even if I don't ask him to,â you said.
Your whole experience with Bucky was whether you wanted it or not, so why would he stop now?
As expected, Bucky arrived back at the shop a few hours later to pick you up. Instead of giving him the chance to go inside and speak to Mrs. Crandle again, you grabbed your bag and rushed out the door to greet him. He caught you easily when you nearly collided with him, and for the first time, you felt like you were intruding in his space instead of the other way around.
âEager to see me?â He smiled, his voice teasing as he kept a hand on your shoulder and helped you into the vehicle when you didnât immediately answer. âHow was the rest of your shift? I hope no one else bothered you.â
Just you.
âIt was uneventful. I got a lot done,â you replied, feeling a warmth spread through you from the normalcy of your afternoon. âAnd no one bothered me.â Your gaze flickered to him and he was hanging onto your every word. He also looked much more relaxed, like the moodiness at lunch never happened. âHow about you? How was your day?â
âAlso uneventful. A couple of boring calls. Kept thinking about you though and it got me through the day,â he said, slipping an arm around you as the car door closed. The way you two were speaking to each other sounded almost normal. Checking in on each other, seeing how the other was doing. âSteve asked about that double date.â
âIâm sure heâs excited for that,â you said, wondering if that poor coat check girl had any idea.
âWe both are. You can find a dress for that, too,â he smiled fondly. âIn fact, what would you think of me getting you a new wardrobe when you move in? Your style, your choice on everything. You name it.â
You raised an eyebrow, a mixture of surprise and uncertainty washing over you. âIs there something wrong with my current wardrobe?â You hadnât done anything to deserve a whole new set of clothes and you hoped he wasnât suggesting it to mold you more to his liking.
âNothing wrong with it at all. You have great taste and I just want to spoil you,â he said, running a finger down your side. This was the man who let you go into his exclusive club wearing a dressed down outfit simply because it was you, so heâd probably let you get away with any sort of wardrobe you wanted. âDo you know how ravishing you look right now?â
âIâm not ravishing. Iâm in my work clothes,â you muttered.
âYou are ravishing,â he said, moving his finger back up as you shivered. âWe should get some stargazer lilies for your first night in our home. I could strip you down, lay you out on our bed, and brush one of the petals along your skin.â
You inhaled sharply and closed your eyes, trying not to picture him spreading you out on a luxurious bed. He would say something like that when he was right in your space and you had nowhere to go. The man went from zero to sixty in seconds. No doubt he could feel you tremble and knew your heart was racing.
âBet itâll feel soft against your nipples,â he whispered, exhaling against your ear. âAnd your pussy.â
Your next breath was shallow, but you managed not to whimper. âWhere are we going shopping?â You asked evenly, hoping to get to the destination sooner rather than later.
You stubbornly kept your eyes shut when he chuckled. âYouâre changing the topic because youâre thinking about it, arenât you? Worried youâll get your panties soaked before we get to the shop?â He questioned, your heart thudding. You didnât want to think about it at all. You wanted out of the car so you could properly breathe again. âIâm sorry. Iâm not playing nice, am I? Weâre going to one of your favorite stores and you can pick out whatever you want.â
Youâd no doubt look at the price tags out of habit since you shopped on a budget and bought your nicer pieces on sale. âDo you ever really play nice?â You asked, opening your eyes. âOne moment youâre being vulnerable and talking about your family and the next time I see you youâre talking about sleeping with me. Iâm shocked the whiplash hasnât scrambled my brain.â
The image of him destroying the utensil at lunch like it was nothing flashed in your mind for some reason. And him and his gang beating up John. Just how strong was he? Was he a killer?
âSometimes weâll talk about something tough or serious and the next it may be something more fun or intimate. Thatâs part of being in a relationship,â he said. If only it were an authentic relationship. âI want that with you, telling you whatâs on my mind and how I feel.â
If he cared about what was on your mind or how you felt, heâd back off and let you have a bit of space. âRelationships are built on mutual respect and trust,â you said. Did he not see that the mutual respect wasn't there since he pushed for things to be his way? And trust was something he couldn't force no matter how powerful he was.
âI understand that. You also said a first date was getting to know each other and seeing if there's a mutual connection. I'm opening up to you, letting you get to know me. Iâm getting to know you, too, beyond the things I knew in advance,â he said. What was he learning about you that he didnât already know? âAnd you can't tell me you don't feel something for me.â
âDo you want me to tell you what you want to hear, Bucky? That I want you and want to be with you?â You asked. Even if you did develop feelings for him, it would have to be classified as some form of stockholm syndrome. And even then, strong feelings wouldnât be enough. He wanted everything from you. âThat I donât want anyone else?â
The hand along your side crept up to your neck, tension heightening when he gently squeezed. He loved putting his hand around your throat. âYou do want me, you do want to be with me, youâll never want anyone else once I have you and I know you love how much I want you,â he spoke with confidence, like he could make the words come true as you took your next breath. âShould I check your panties before we go inside and feel how wet they are?â
You needed to distract him. Fight him. Do something. âWhatâs your love language?â You blurted out. âPhysical Touch?â
âWhat?â He whispered, your heart still pounding when he slowly moved his hand away from your throat.
âYour love language. You constantly touch me when Iâm close to you, so I guessed Physical Touch,â you explained. He always had a hand on you.
He sat back with a pensive look. âNo one has ever asked me that.â
âOh,â you said as the car rolled to a stop. You blindly reached for the door handle. âWell, itâs something to think about if you donât know.â
He held your arm when you tried to get out. âYou express yourself through Acts of Service with loving gestures and helping with tasks, but what you crave is Quality Time because you value meaningful interactions and connecting with people on a more personal level.â
You nodded slowly. It was why you loved hanging out with your girlfriends. You cherished making memories with them.
âYou also appreciate Words of Affirmation, even if compliments make you feel uncertain because you sometimes feel overlooked. The combination of those languages makes you feel seen and heard,â he continued, giving you a tender smile. âI can hear and see you if you let me.â
You found yourself unable to speak as he gauged your reaction, your throat tight as if gripped by an unseen force. He nailed it right on the head about your love languages, didn't he? âI need air,â you whispered, letting yourself out of the car once he let you go.
The tightness in your throat moved to your heart. Bucky saw and heard you in his own way, didn't he? Not just as a passing thought but because he genuinely believed he loved you, deeply and wholeheartedly. The more he sank his fangs in, the more venom he injected. You had to be your own antidote.
With a shake of your head, you glanced up at the shop. True to his word, it was one you loved. Another piece of yourself that would now be tied to him.
You jumped when Bucky appeared beside you and took your arm. âYou okay?â He asked, studying your face with gentle eyes.
âJust fine,â you replied, smiling for his sake. âLet's go shopping.â
You walked into the boutique together, the air filled with a subtle mix of lavender and something sweet that made you feel right at home. The space was a blend of trendy and rustic, exuding charm and intimacy. Clothes lined the wooden shelves and vintage racks, showcasing a variety of styles that ranged from casual to bold. Delicate accessories sparkled in the soft light, inviting you to explore.
You could easily find the perfect dress for the winery here.
âHello! Welcome to⊠Oh! Mr. Barnes,â the associate smiled, her heels clicking on the floor. She was a picture perfect example of style and beauty. âI have the back dressing room set up and Iâll be sure no one disturbs you or your girlfriend. It was sundresses you requested, correct?â
Bucky looked proud of himself. âYes, the perfect sundress for my girl,â he smiled, his blue eyes sparkling as he looked at you. âAnd whatever dress you choose, youâll need jewelry. Oh, and a clutch.â
âGirlfriend?â You asked. He must not have wanted a repeat of how the hostess treated the two of you at lunch. âWait, you already have dresses selected for me to try on?â
âHe called and gave us all the details. And weâll make sure you have everything you need,â the associate promised as Bucky nudged you ahead of him to follow her. Was anyone else in the shop? âWould either of you like a water?â
âNo thank you,â you said. You were never offered a water when you shopped there before, but you were never there with Bucky Barnes.
âJust let me know if you need anything at all,â she smiled, opening the dressing room door.
Bucky thanked her as he took a seat in one of the chairs across from the door, watching you expectantly. âIf you don't like any of them, we can go somewhere else.â
âIâm sure they're fine,â you said, going into the room and shutting the door before he could say anything else.
Quickly slipping off your shoes, pants, and top, you turned your attention to a small rack with a range of sundresses. Checking each tag as you pushed through them, none of them on sale, it wasn't a surprise that they were all your size. And all something you'd consider wearing. After flipping through the dresses twice, you decided to try on a sleeveless white dress with small rosebuds. It would be nice for a vineyard.
Before you could put the dress on, the door opened. âNeed any help?â Bucky asked as you spun around in your bra and underwear, his eyes slowly scanning your body before you had a chance to cover yourself.
âNo. IâŠâ you trailed off as he stepped inside and shut the door behind him.
He stared at you for what felt like an eternity before he breathed your name, want written all over his face. The dressing room felt small. Hot. You could hardly breathe as panic threatened to overwhelm you. And you couldn't do anything but step back as he stepped closer, a predator ready to capture his prey.
Your back hit the mirror when he brought a hand to your chin, your knees shaking as he leaned in. âYouâre right about one thing,â he said in a husky tone. âI do crave Physical Touch. Yours.â
He pressed his lips to yours, keeping you still and giving you no chance to turn your head away. It was a light, feathering sort of kiss before his tongue flicked out to trace your lips. He teased you until you opened up for him and allowed his tongue to sweep into your mouth. You couldn't think as he groaned and continued his claim. It was only a matter of time until he claimed you completely.
Bucky pulled away a little, his free hand moving down your torso in a possessive path. âFuck, you taste so sweet,â he rasped. You felt so small, your insides both frozen and melting from his touch. âJust wanna take you home and make you ride my face before I fuck you.â
You gasped when his knee moved between your legs, your hands flying up to hold his arms. He rocked his leg and you felt power in the motion, a promise of what was to come once he had you where he wanted you. âBucky,â you whispered. The next word out of your mouth was smothered by his lips, but he didn't increase the urgency in his kisses. He took his time. Like the world could be burning around you and heâd let the flames take over as long as he was kissing you.
You bit back a whimper when he rocked his knee harder, the friction sending heat to your core. Another roll of his body and you were certain you felt the outline of his cock. Bringing a hand to his chest, you lightly pushed. It was already going too far. To your surprise, he broke the kiss. His eyes were still hungry though. âYou said you want to hear me?â You asked breathlessly, your lip trembling when his thumb brushed it. âThen not here, please,â you whispered, praying he'd stop.
If he was going to have you, it wouldn't be in a dressing room.
âRight. Not for our first time.â He tipped his head back as he took a breath, no doubt trying to control himself. âJust one more kiss, Kotyonok. One more for me to dream about tonight,â he groaned, bringing his face back to yours for one more kiss with fervor. Just when you thought it would turn more ravenous, he shifted to something soft, tender. A feeling that had both of you shaking when it ended, but likely for different reasons.
You stayed upright when he stepped back and gave you space, but your legs still shook as he straightened up his clothes and looked you over once more. If he could devour you with a look... âThank you.â He actually listened to you and didn't push it any further.
He glanced down as he adjusted his pants and you tried to avoid looking at the tent he began to sport. Horror filled you when your gaze went lower to the wet spot by his knee. He hadn't gotten you off, but you both knew he sparked some arousal within you. âCanât wait âtil you really make a mess on my pants,â he smirked, walking out just as quietly as he entered the tiny room.
Fighting back tears once he shut the door, you touched your lips. Bucky finally kissed you. Your mouth still tingled. You still felt him there.
Glancing at the rack of dresses, you wished he really was a sweet boyfriend trying to spoil you just because he could. But he hadn't given you a chance to pick them out yourself. He spoke for you, like you were a doll. It was just another piece he put in place for his twisted puzzle of your relationship.
What was wrong with you?
You pulled your clothes back on and flung the door open so hard it almost hit the wall. Buckyâs smug look immediately changed to concern when you walked out holding a sundress. âThis one's fine,â you said in a flat tone.
âAre you sure?â He asked, sitting up more in his chair. âYou didn't try it on, did you?â
âItâs the one I want,â you said, calling for the associate before Bucky had a chance to argue. You gave her a stiff smile when she joined you and handed over the garment, feeling Buckyâs eyes on you. âWhatever jewelry and handbag you think will go with this, Iâll take it. I trust your judgment.â
âOh, this dress is lovely and we have the perfect accessories for this. Would you like to look at shoes as well? Or maybe something to go with any of the other dresses?â She asked, her eyes wide as you brushed past her. âMiss?â
âIâm sorry. I need to step outside,â you said, not wanting to be rude to her.
Bucky called after you, but you ignored him. You were furious with yourself. You let him kiss you and allowed some of his words to get under your skin. He didn't fuck you, but he still won, didn't he? And you were letting him. Just like with everything else.
You took two steps out of the shop before you felt a grip on your arm. âWoah. Slow down,â Bucky said, turning you to face him. âWhatâs wrong?â
Everything.
âIt doesn't matter, but if you really want to see and hear me, please, pay attention,â you said, yanking your arm away. âI want to go home.â
âWhy? Is it because that kiss meant something to you and you don't want to admit it?â He asked, a soft smile tugging at his lips. âIf you're embarrassed that it made you wet, don't be. I'm flattered. Besides, it got me hard.â
Heat filled your cheeks and you wanted to smack him. There was a fine line between the delusion he had in his head and the reality of the situation. The tightrope you were walking was close to snapping. âIâm not embarrassed. I can't breathe.â You stepped back, trying to give yourself space. Was Ray watching from the car? âEverything in my life recently has revolved around you or you being there. Say what you want about me being lonely, it doesn't give you an excuse to take over.â
Buckyâs smile slipped, like he was really seeing how bothered you were. âI told you I just want to love you. And you enjoy Quality Time.â
âQuality Time when we agree upon it. And love itself should be the thing to take my breath away, not you smothering me,â you gently stated.
âIâm not trying to smother you.â He shifted like he was the one uncomfortable, his gaze flicking to the ground. âI⊠I know you can't breathe,â he said, lifting a hand as if to reach out before he dropped it and took a deep breath. âThatâs why I'm leaving you alone tomorrow,â he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
âYou're what?â You asked in disbelief, catching the hint of vulnerability in his eyes as his shoulders dropped. He hadn't left you alone since he broke in. Why in the world would he stop now?
âI was going to bring it up when I dropped you off.â His hand worked its way through his hair. âIâve been thinking about it and talking and⊠Iâm smothering you. I know I am. Rearranging your schedule, making you meet my friends, and everything else. SoâŠâ He reached for you this time and took your hand. âIâm giving you a breather and Iâm not going to be around tomorrow. No surprise visits. No calls. Maybe a text, but nothing more.â
You blinked. âSo, we won't see each other tomorrow?â You tried not to get too excited. It was only a day, but between that and the girls day that was still something. You had to go the cautiously optimistic route again and take what you got.
But you also couldn't help but wonder why he was really giving you that space. Did Ray or someone say something to him? Was this another ploy to keep you in line?
âYou won't see me. God knows Iâll miss you, but it's just a day, right?â He squeezed your hand. âMaybe youâll miss me, too.â
âI appreciate you giving me that space,â you said sincerely. He needed that space, too, even if he didn't believe it. âAnd maybe I will.â
âWe won't have to miss each other much longer once we're together in the penthouse,â he said, his tone soft and your heart sinking. âWill you answer one thing: Did that kiss mean something to you?â
You didn't want to answer that. If you denied it, it would be a lie or heâd either see through it or snap. If you confirmed it, it would feed him more hope. You still had to examine your feelings because you were afraid and you couldn't think with him staring at you with those longing eyes.
âIt meant something,â you answered, not expanding on what exactly it meant when he exhaled. It wasn't smart to let him decipher it how he wished because he could use it against you later.
He took your breath away once more when he pulled you close and brushed his lips against yours. Just as quickly as he started, he stopped and brushed his nose against yours. Any passerby would think it was a sweet moment between a couple making up from an argument. âThank you,â he whispered, his thumb moving along the racing pulse in your wrist. âCome back inside, please? Pick out a few things for real and then Iâll take you home so you can relax.â
You remembered that the bugs were still in your apartment, which took some more of your enthusiasm away. But if Bucky was really going to leave you alone tomorrow, youâd have to appreciate the time to yourself. Maybe you could pack a bag and get out of the city even sooner than planned.
It wouldn't hurt to try, right? What was the worst that could happen? Making him freak out over your safety? That could be bad.
âOkay. A few things for real and then home,â you agreed.
âThatâs my girl.â He turned and paused at the door with a smile. âCan I at least help you try on the dress? Or you can model it for me and I'll tell you how beautiful you are.â
You smiled back a little. âDon't push your luck,â you said, missing the pair of blue eyes that watched you and Bucky go back into the shop.
So, a little bit of action. đ Will it be enough to tide Bucky over? Is he really going to leave you alone for a day? Who was watching you? Love and thanks for reading! â€ïž
Masterlist â Bucky Barnes Masterlist â Ko-Fi
#navybrat writes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x f!reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes#club owner!bucky barnes#club owner!bucky barnes x reader#soft!dark bucky barnes#dark!bucky barnes#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes au#james buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader#james bucky buchanan barnes#bucky x reader#bucky x female reader#bucky x you#the winter soldier#bucky fanfic#bucky imagine#bucky barnes x fem!reader#x reader#hold you tight#hyt#turn it up au
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I hit the tag limit :(((((((((((((((((( wyr ur amazing this was amazing i love u sm my platonic spouse
ch. 6 - donât worry, itâll be perfect m.list
  you finish weighing the last block of clay for your last class of the day. slowly, you push it against the table, trying to loosen it up some. a pair of earbuds rest in your ears, like the movies by laufey replaying for the fifth time that day. you hum along to the lyrics, the slight vibration playing along your lips.Â
 swaying slightly to the song, you toss it back onto the wooden block, trying once more to knead it into submission. especially if you have students who have never touched a pottery wheel in their life. their foreign attitude towards the craft only enhancing if you were to have them wedge their own clay.Â
 you bite your lip, grab the little ball of clay and feel it in your hand. it's soft, malleable, the air pockets finally pushed out. setting it next to the other ones, you take a line of saran wrap and lay it over them, trapping the moisture. resting your hands on your hips, you lean into the song, playing once more. closing your eyes, you take in a deep breath.
 turning towards the front wall, you open your eyes to check the time. accept all you see is osamu standing in your door frame, hands awkwardly stuffed into his pockets. you slowly reach up and pull the earbuds from your ears, grasping at a spot on the chord that has dried streaks of clay on it. "hi," you stare at him.
 you hadn't seen him since he burned your dinner. sure you've seen him around, a little hello when getting deliveries, or as you walk to your car. but you haven't actually seen him. let alone with a casual shirt on with a pair of jeans. however, his onigiri miya hat still rests carefully on his head, the streaks of grey being overtaken by his natural black.
 "hey," he smiles, wider than he likely meant to.Â
 there was something about the way you stood in front of him. how a ray of evening sunlight trickles through the window, landing on the clay and underglaze that coats your apron. he stands there, staring right back at you like you're more beautiful now than ever before.Â
 "hi," you say once more, setting your earbuds and phone down on the table. the air is thick with tension, gaze unable to meet the other's, "uh, so what brings you to the earthen kiln during the dinner rush?"
 osamu takes a step in, letting the door slowly close behind him, hand outstretched so it doesn't slam. pursing his lips, he looks down at his feet, "my brother signed us up for your class.. which let me just say, he's a handful and i apologize in advance. he even paid with my credit card and then didn't say anything until afterwards."
 "but i am still excited, just not for you to meet him yet," osamu shakes his head, looking up at you with his nose crinkled, lip turned up in a snarl.Â
 the word 'yet' sends your mind spiraling. you stand there with a frog in your throat thinking of what he meant by it. yet makes you think of the family-meeting era of a blooming relationship. how someone would invite their partner over, eagerly apologizing for their lack of boundaries or respect.Â
 it sends a flutter under your skin, a wire in your brain frying. "i think i'll be okay," you finally muster up a sentence, trying to ignore the increasingly hot feeling you have in your face, "plus you guys could've asked, i would've given..."
 your voice trails off as osamu receives a phone call, a rhythmic tone playing. itâs sweet, attuned to his personality. he grabs out his phone, rolling his eyes as he looks at the screen. bringing it up to his ear, he gives you a look of sympathy, like he can already tell what the personâs going to say.
 âhi âtsumu, where are you?â osamu starts, trying to keep his posture straight, although a vein is practically popping out of his forehead, âyou canât come? youâre seriously visiting kita and his girlfriend? the one out in the country? so no one else is coming? okay okay, yeah, thanks a lot.â
 turning off his phone, he lets out a sigh, eyebrows furrowing. turning to look at you, he has a sympathetic expression on his face. âiâm so sorry about my brother, but it seems all the spots taken for tonight will not be filled.. because apparently theyâre all out by someoneâs farm. i mean iâm still here..âÂ
 you shrug, pursing your lips, âwell, youâve already paid for it, which i apologize for. but todayâs been really long and iâd love to go home early. how about next weekend, private lesson? i have nothing going on saturday and so i can give you all the ins and outs of pottery making.â
 âprivate lesson?â
 âyeah, just as an apology for the pay going on your card,â you lean against your table, crossing your ankles, âplus then i guess iâll be able to meet your brother later, whenever youâd like.â
 osamuâs breath catches in his throat, unable to bring himself to say something. you stand so confident, despite the seemingly exhausted state youâre in. he feels a little jealous as he feels like his knees are made of jelly and his hands are a water slide. âthatâd be nice,â it comes out hoarser than he expected, taking a step towards you, âmaybe i can bring lunch, as my own apology.â
 âlunch would be perfect, how about, until then, you take this,â you walk over to your shelves of pottery, grabbing out a mug that resembles an ice cream cone, âhad an extra from a custard place i did some work for. just as a âno more apologiesâ kind of thing.â
 âwell i guess this meal i make will have to be perfect.â
 âdonât worry, if youâre making it, i know itâll be perfect.â
a/n: osamuâs DOWN BAD and i love him for it <33 might pull a @nectardaddy and just have mbb go on forever AND read â88 ford to meet kitaâs country gf ;) taglist: @causenessus @osakis-gf @eggyrocks @brkfclub @marisabel14
@bbybibi @etoiile @miyamoratsumuu @girlokarina @gsyche
@cherrypieyourface @zephestia @acowboykisser @whosmarjj @gumiiiiezzzz
@guitarstringed-scars @19calicos @savemebrazilhinata @phoenix-eclipses @theycallmenanamisgirl
#no more apologies kind of thing#let's kiss#LMAO SORRY âLET'S KISSâ SOUNDS SO FUNNY#88 FORD MENTIONED RAHH!!!#ICE CREAM CONE??? CUSTARD??? CUPID'S CUSTARD REF??????????????????#I AM LOOKING#omg he's so gentle i love him i want to cry#the hand out stretched so the door doesn't slam#osamu please open all my boxes i love you#âi'm sure if you're making it it'll be perfectâ#THEY'RE PERFECT#and the way that sentence goes both ways BECAUSE they're both makers yk <3 omg mbb i love u and all ur double meanings#wyr you're amazing and so crazy talented omg i'll never stop saying it#this is so freaking cute omg#i bet atsumu put this all together and tried to pull a âoh teehee now you guys get to be together alone bc i ACCIDENTALLY can't make itâ#i see u atsumu#OH THEY'RE SO CUTE#NO MORE APOLOGIES#LITERALLY FREAKING ADORABLE RAHHHHH#okay their wedding would be so cute and could go two ways#like obviously atsumu being osamu's best man#OR if mbb yn and atsumu get along atsumu walking her down the aisle?#like i'm sorry ik that's random but that's what i thought of when samu said he's not ready for her to meet tsumu yet#like him seeing both of the most important people in his life together?#i am crying#I'D LOVE TO HEAR UR THOUGHTS ABOUT THAT#WYR THIS CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD#SO FREAKING ADORABLE OMG I LOVE MBB SO SO MUCH#PLEASE NEVER END PLS DO A SPINOFF SERIES PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE#ness' favorites but it's wyr's special division <3
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Not me abusing the asks to both share my love for the bioparents AU AND rant about the panels because none of my friends are in the LMK fandom and I'm suffering here so TAKE MY LOVE AND APPRECIATION ABOUT YOUR ART I guess x)
So first of all
I am a SUCKER for that kind of leaning in frames I'm going to print that and plaster it on my wall THEY ARE EVERYTHING /hj
I almost jumped of my chair when this one popped up YOU FED US GOOD its so worth the angst train incoming. Of course the panels before and after were equally as amazing but if I start going about every single panel we're still here in three days AT THE VERY LEAST LOL
Of course this one made me laugh like please their little faces
Using that to point out how much I love ALLLLLLL the silly faces you put in your comics I'm munching on them every single time they're crushy like chips or something just. Nom nom. Yummy.
Poor Nesha (Nesha? Nezha? Neja? I have no idea on how to write his name I already forgor LMAO) needs to be payed more. He tries to save MK and ends up dealing with two lovesick teenagers demons who have no concept of time/place/occasion apparently. Poor him. He gets a pat on the head for his troubles
And of course just the "NOPE I'M KEEPING HIM" mode and honestly we should have seen it coming- Red son was planning to courtnap him and didn't sleep in the past 5 days so he's not having any bullshit YOU'RE NOT TAKING HIS NOODLE BOY AWAY-
Could bet he spent so long thinking about the cournapping in the 5 past days his brain just cannot process that yeah maybe you need to let him down you're just going to drag him in more troubles- Either that or he's just going full protective mode. Both options are good anyways sooooo :)
We stan a protective boyfriend in this house.
---
And finally I'm SOOOOO hyped about whatever is coming next like I know that technically we're supposed to suffer but please I climbed up the angst train so many times now I'm just enjoying it by that point lol. It'll just make the following fluff even more worth it
Also I cannot wait to see MK's plan about the contract I'm so curious I'm dying I love you boys but I really want the plot to progress you can go back to kissing later lol
Finally, thank you for creating this AU. It's stumbling randomly upon it on my tik tok fyp that dragged me into watching Lego Monkie Kid and really THANK YOU FOR THAT. It's such an amazing show I CANNOT BELIEVE I didn't discovered it sooner so really thank for having created this comic because else I could have missed LMK and that would be just saaaad
Fun fact: since I had never interacted with LMK the first time I read your comic, I for some reason thought Macaque was a female (and I probably would have thought the same of Wukong if he wasn't called... well, Wukong because I randomly stumbled upon the myth's Wikipedia page at some point in my life XD). The shock I felt when I heard Macaque for the first time in the show because his voice was soooooo not what I expected x) I'm still laughing at myself to this day
So yeah, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, and I can't wait to see what you're going to pull next :D Wish you allllll the best <3
(I can totally wait, of course, it's just a figure of speech. Take your time, I could wait forever for the next chapter)
ahaha thank you for such a lovely comment!! Glad the scene gived "MINE" vibes as I was planning ahah.
Youu're welcome! It's an honor to serve this fandom. *bows*
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Hooray For Makeup Sex! ch. 1 - Alastor x f! fallen angel!reader
Request: Hi! I recently read one of your alastor pieces & ohhhh my god! It was amazing. I was wondering if you would do something alastor x f!reader where they have an argument, add some angst, some fluff, some heavy heavy smut? Almost like alastor begging for reader & wanting to do anything for her to forgive him ?? Just a little idea. :) thank you so much for your wonderful work!â
Hey nonnie! Iâm absolutely thrilled to fulfill your request. I hope this hits the mark! Let me know if it does! đ
Word count: 6678
Warnings: established relationship, breakup, angst, fluff, Alastor is a very jealous and possessive but also in love man, thigh riding, (angelic) bloodplay, vaginal intercourse. Listen, we all know Alastor is a Bad Man(tm). In this story and many, many others, Fucked Up Alastor is going to say Fucked Up Things. Alastor is a sentient red flag. I would like to kindly remind you that you need to carefully decide whether or not that's too much for you before you begin to read. I'd hate it if you read and got triggered by some possessive or otherwise red flag dialogue/prose! If itâs not for you, you can simply block me and avoid my other fanfiction. You're responsible for your own reading experience!! đđ
Please like, comment, and reblog to sustain me! Let me know if you'd like to be on my tag list and remember that requests are open!
Chapter 2 | Masterlist
âSorryâ is not a word in Alastorâs lexicon. He stares at the heatless green fire in front of him, whiskey in one hand, the other tapping against the arm of his chair.
That was Charlieâs unsolicited advice, a rehash of old material. It starts with sorry, Al.
Well, he stubbornly doesnât believe heâs in the wrong to begin with, so why should he go and grovel at your fucking feet?
âSorryâ is not a word in Alastorâs lexicon, and thatâs that.
He throws the whiskey across the room suddenly, with such force that the crystal crashes into the opposite wall, forcing him to look at it.
Oh, itâs luxurious. A four poster bed with a white linen canopy. A mattress that adjusts itself to your whims, night by night. Silken sheets in the exact shade of your favourite colour. All of it for your benefit and yours aloneâfor fuckâs sake, he doesnât even sleep! He doesnât need to sleep, he just needsâŠ
Alastor stares at the bed, imagines how heâd sit next to you as you slumbered, glancing over at you occasionally for the sake of your comfort and security. He remembers how youâd snore lightly and how he would push hair out of your face as you snoozed. He remembers smilingâŠ
He remembers smiling.
He also recalls other little activities the two of you got up to in this bed, satisfying a hunger heâd never known before you, but that isnât something he craves anymore. Thatâs what he tells himself, anyway.
âSorryâ isnât a word in Alastorâs lexicon, even though⊠even thoughâŠ
It needs to be.
He sits there thinking of everything from the beginning. The day you first met, all those mysterious luminous creatures floating along, moving your furniture past the lobby. Your soft and kind smile, the one that sickened him at first. That damnable dress you wore the first time the two of you hit the sheets, and how fun it was to rip it off your body. The way his shadow always tried to steal feathers from the wings of your shadow. The first time you yelled at him for that.
He thinks of where things went wrong, the man that caused that incredible din, but the only thing he can think of, if he is finally honest with himself, is himself. His own jealousy, his controlling nature, thinking he knew what was best for you. That was what sparked the argument, wasnât it?
It his fault, certainly, but âsorryâ is not in Alastorâs lexicon, period.
The lilies are still on the bedside table. They are dried, desiccating, the little leaves and petals falling onto the surface. He had gotten the lilies to say âsorryâ, in his own way, but you never did come back to his room.
He lays back on the bed and plucks a dying lily from the bouquet, keeping it in his hand. It's not difficult to imagine you there beside him, your arms wrapped around him as he presses his face against your shoulder, and oh, thatâs when it really hits him.
Your scent. He remembers it so well that he smells it now, a phantom chased by nothing. His eyes close and he rolls until his head meets your pillow, breathing in your scent deeply.
âSorryâ is not in his lexicon, but goddamn it, there are lilies.
What would it take, what flowers would fix things, if lilies were not enough? Pink roses? White orchids? Tulips? A hundred dozen daffodils, flooding the entire hotel?
Alastor notices now how his hands are shaking at his sides. He clenches his claws into fists and closes his eyes, breathing in your scent again. The best thing to do is to incinerate the pillow, the bed, the liliesâŠ
No, no. His jaw tightens. No, that would be the easy thing to do. Not the best, or even the smartest. It was the cowardly thing to do.
âSorryâ is not in Alastorâs lexicon, but heâs no fucking coward.
He can almost hear your voice in his ears, whispering his name with such sweet affection. He remembers your laugh, a sound like music to him. A laugh reserved for him and him alone. Something special.
He's never needed anyone else's company before. He never bothered with the emotional needs of other people. Youâre the only person he's ever cared for, the only person who has ever truly meant anything to him. He feels weak and vulnerable over your absence. He doesn't like feeling like this, but youâre the one woman that can break down his walls.
Alastor doesn't like needing you, he doesn't like letting you have this power over him. But at this moment, he doesn't care. He'd give anything to just hear your voice again, even if itâs just to yell at him and tell him to fuck off.
Again.
The sound of your voice, the way you looked into his eyes, your little imperfections that only served to make you all the more perfect in his eyes. He remembers how your lips felt against his skin, the soft warmth of your touch.
He doesnât like to need you, but he does love it.
He opens his eyes, clutching the now withered flower so tightly that all but a few brown petals fall from the stem. He stares at it for a long moment, trying not to let the memories overwhelm him. A green fire erupts from his palm, scorching it first, then turning it to ash. He stares at it, the lightness of it in his palm.
He's always had such strict control over himself, even under stress or grief, but not anymore. Not when it comes to you. Youâve always been able to cause feelings of weakness and helplessness within him. He hates himself for feeling this way, but at the same time, he can't bring himself to hate you. No, never you.
He closes his eyes again, imagining you lying beside him. You would have wrapped your arms around him and pressed your lips to the side of his neck. Sometimes, youâd start leaving the tiniest of kisses down his neck. It would make him shiver, it would make himâŠ
Just like that first night when things turned physical. Your hands would always find a way under his shirt, running your fingers over the muscles of his chest and stomach, your fingers tracing reverently over his scars.
He can almost feel the softness of your skin, the warmth of your body.
Alastor sighs in consideration of his current position. One of, if not the most powerful Overlord of hell, lying in a bed he does not need, pining after a fallen angel who once (admittedly, accidentally) broke a horn off his shadow. He breathes in your scent again. A fallen angel who made his mamaâs jambalaya for him. A fallen angel who was never once intimidated by him. A fallen angel who created life, âalong a certain slant of lightâ, as you put it, most of them visible only to you, except for shimmers of light, like oil on water.
A fallen angel who wouldnât speak to him even if he said sorry.
Alastor sighs, sits up, holding her pillow like a child holding a fucking teddy bear.
âFuck.â
He smacks himself on the forehead and drags his hand down his face.
âFuck.â
He says it again, getting a taste of the word, the pride of it in its coarse formation and meaning.
Alastor sighs, holding the pillow, looking at the bouquet of dead lilies. âFuck.â
He wants to feel the softness of your lips again. To feel the warmth of your skin, the press of your body against his. But more than anything, he wants to hear you laugh again. He wants that beautiful smile back, the smile you give to him and only him.
But he doubts that will happen. Youâve probably already moved on from him, and honestly, he wouldn't blame you for doing so. Well, thatâs a lie.
He knows he's difficult, and demandingâsometimes too demanding. Youâve always been far more patient with him than anyone else, but even that has its limits. And he's certainly pushed those limits.
Youâre probably in the arms of some other man right now, maybe even him, laughing as he whispers sweet nothings in your ear. You probably donât even think about Alastor anymore.
âSorryâ may not be in his fucking lexicon, but like hell heâd ever allow another man into your bed, and certainly notâŠhim.
Alastor makes sure heâs impeccable before riding the dark to your room. He decides it would be a rather stupid idea to appear inside your room without permission, so he settles on the hallway and knocks on your door.
âCome in!â
The sound is muffled, and he feels the sharp need to lecture you on not checking who is at the door before letting them in, but he refrains. He turns the doorknob and walks into your room for the first time in a while and finds youâ
Down on the floor, halfway underneath the bed.
âThis seems like a cliche pornographic film,â he comments as he shuts the door.
Herbert, the only one of the little light creatures that he can see, floats towards him.
You try to sit up right when you hear Alastorâs voice, banging your head. You get out from under the bed and stand up.
âHerbert, leave him alone,â you say.
âNonsense! Hello little creature,â Alastor says to the glowing bastard he had tolerated at best before the breakup. He summons up an apple for the mischievous little son of a bitch to snack on and Herbert quickly zips away with it, disappearing under the bed.
âHow did you know that being stuck is a porn cliche?â you ask, sitting on the edge of the bed, your arms crossed. âBeen watching a lot of it lately?â
âI think you know that I have not,â Alastor says, leaning forward on his staff. âWe just so happen to live with an adult film star who tries to pull the âhelp me Iâm stuckâ routine on Husker at least twice per week. What were you doing under the bed, darling?â
âHerbert! Heâs been stealing from me,â you say. âI knew I didnât lose those emerald earrings you gave me. I found those and then some in his little nest under the bed.â
He canât help but swell with pride. One of his favourite things to do was present you with gifts and he loved seeing them on you every time.
âWhat do you want?â you ask, and that deflates him a bit.
Alastor takes a breath, his chest rising. âI need you to instruct me in something.â
âGo ask literally anyone else.â You open up the door, gesturing for him to leave, but with a bit of boldness Alastor flicks the door closed again.
âIâm afraid thereâs no one better to ask than you, my dear.â
You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. âAlastor, I broke up with you so I wouldnât have to deal with things like this anymore.â
Alastor pauses for a time. Honesty tumbles its way past his lips. âYou are all that I love.â
The room goes silent, save for the sound of Herbert cronching his apple.
You give a sigh, a pained expression on your face, one that he hates to see. All of him wants to go to you, but you wouldnât want thatânot yet.
âGoddamn it,â you whisper. âIs that what you needed instruction for?â
âNo,â he says immediately. âNo, loving you needs no instruction.â
You let out a breath. Thatâs all you can do before your head is in your hands.
âMy dear, may I sit beside you?â Alastor asks after a momentâs silence.
âOh, fuck you!â You stand up and circle around him once. âFuck you, Alastor!â
His eyebrows rise. âThat is not the response that I anticipated or desired.â
âOh itâs not?â you ask mockingly.
Heâs never seen you act like this before, and it is surprising him. An unseen variable, one that choked him. His grip on his staff increases.
âMy dear, I sense that you still harbour quite a lot of animusââ
âShut up! Shut up!â You pace back and forth the length of the rug, also a gift from him. âFuck you! Fuck you for saying the right things the wrong time!â
Alastor takes a chance and sits down on your bed, watching you closely. âDo you want more earrings?â
You immediately go to your armoire and start throwing jewellery at him. Heâs quite literally stunned by this behaviour. Herbert comes out from underneath the bed and snipes a few rings.
âDarling.â
You say nothing, you just keep throwing things at him.
âDarling.â
âJust take it. Take it all back. Give it to someone else.â
Now he looks offended and straightens his posture. You run out of jewellery to throw at him.
âYou know there can be no other,â he says, somewhat angry. âYou know Iâm not capable of having any such enjoyment with anyone else. You are all I love and all that I desire to love. All I can love. Thereâs none but you and nothing will ever compare, never come close. Do you understand?â
âThen keep them for yourself. Or let Herbert have it all, enable his fucking kleptomania.â
âThey belong to you and you will have them. Every last jewel.â
âAlastor, you shouldnât be here,â you say.
âThat is a consideration I undertook before coming.â He leaves his staff on the bed and goes to you. âI need your instruction.â
âOn what?â you snap.
He lets out a deep breath. âHow many lilies will it take to be forgiven?â
You stare at him. âWhat the fuck are you talking about?â
âForget the lilies then,â he says quickly. âJust disregard the matter of florals altogether. What token is needed?â
âToken?â
âIt doesnât need to be a physical object, not a coin one inserts into a slot in exchange for heroin or soda,â he says quickly. âI am explaining myself poorly. Iâll be truthful and direct, if you will allow me.â
Your arms cross again, a defensive posture. âOkay.â
âI need you. I donât know how to be without you anymore. Itâs maddening. I find myself missing you in all these vacant spaces that were not vacant before you. You created space in me that only you can fill, and now it isâŠempty. You made me this way, and it is your fault,â he says quickly. âAnd what am I to do, now? Accept that I am now empty? Accept that I will walk through eternity alone, with all this space within me, space that you and you alone can occupy?â
âAnd you hate it, donât you Alastor? And you hate me for it.â
âI considered that,â he admits. âI tried to insist it to myself, that I did not need such adulations and that I didnât need you, specifically. I tried not to need you, but your absence insisted upon you. I do not hate you. Nothing could force me to feel that way, not myself, not you, not Herbert.â
âHerbert?â
âCorrect. Herbert.â
You sit down beside his staff, touch the microphone knowing you were the only person ever allowed to do so. You sigh. âI love you, too. And just like you, I donât know what to do with it.â
âI know exactly what to do with it,â he responds.
âYeah?â
Alastor nods. âWe justâŠgo back to before. Move forward. But together. I would sooner die than see you with another man.â
You lift a warning finger to him. âYouâre not helping yourself.â
Alastor huffs. âIt is the truth. You value honesty as well as I do.â
Now you scoff. âYou deal in subterfuge, not honesty.â
âNot with you, and you know that,â he says, pointing at you. âI am a flawed man, but Iâve given you my very best. Better than I thought I had capacity for. Can you truly say that it was never enough?â
âOf course it was,â you say softly.
Alastor sighs and sits beside you. He thinks to put an arm around you, but manages not to.
âYou are so used to getting everything you want,â you say. âYou have the power to get whatever you want except me.â
He winces. âPlease do not put it that way, darling. Please donât sayâŠweâll never find a way. Please.â
Slowly, you reach over and touch his hand. When it curls together with his fingers, he places his other hand firmly on top, squeezing.
âFour hundred.â
He waits for you to explain, but you donât.
âFour hundred what, dearest?â he asks.
You look at him and smile. âFour hundred lilies.â
Alastor snaps his fingers and four hundred lilies arrange themselves in vases on top of every surface in the room. Smelling them, Herbert whooshed out from underneath the bed and floated all along the flowers, playing with the tiny white bells in a way that Alastor could admit might be considered âcuteâ by others. He looks back to you.
âDo you want to count them all, darling?â he asks.
âI donât need to,â you say softly. âI feel like I should tell you something.â
âI do not like that,â Alastor says immediately. âI do not like the sound of that. Is it him?â
âDonât bring this full circle to the last argument,â you warn. âThere is no other man. I just thoughtâŠyou really came in here and said things that I didnât think you could. You really laid it all on the line and I feel like you deserve the same from me.â
Alastor nods along slowly. âNo other man?â
You shake your head. âNo other men. Will you stop? Will you please stop? Will you let me talk now?â
âI suppose,â he says, pulling you closer. He settles so that his head rests against your chest. âI am listening.â
âItâs not exactly easy for me to open up either,â you say before clearing your throat. âThereâs a wealth of differences between us but similarities that are significant. We both struggle with making space for other people in our lives and typically wonât.â
âThat is true,â he says, fingers running along your shoulder.
You start to play with his hair, the fuck-ass bob you only came to love because it was his preference. Youâre tempted to touch one of his ears, but nowâs not the time for that.
âSometimes itâs simply hard to believe that thereâs this perfect person that reallyâŠloves me,â you say softly, quietly, almost wishing that you hadnât.
Alastor tightens his hold on you. Neither of you could handle personal vulnerability quite so easily, but yours makes his heart clench. âDo I make you feelâŠless loved when we argue over other men?â
You sigh. âAlastor, itâs not just an argument about men, itâs you basically calling me a whoreââ
âNo, I didnât,â he interjects quickly. âNo. I have never called you that or thought it of you. You are my favourite, my treasure, my prize, and I would never think so lowly of you. Never, not in all of eternity until what you call âthe inevitable heat-death of the universeâ. I would argue that heaven and hell are a different universe but that is yet another argument we should never cross again.â
âAgreed,â you say, nodding your head. âJust like the argument aboutââ
âHorses running on their fingers, I know.â Alastor canât help the fondness in his smile. No matter how heated the arguments, the passion between the two of you manifests itself in all ways possible.
You smile back at him and decide to take the chance to kiss him again. Just once. Just to show him he was still loved, cherished, longed for. It was only right.
Alastor cups the back of your head to keep you there. Fuck once, now that heâs gotten to kiss you he chooses to interpret it as carte blanche to take as many as he wants. Damn, how he had missed thisâŠ
You gently remove his hand and pull away. âIâm not done speaking.â
âApologies,â he mutters.
You nod and continue. âI want to be the one you love. I want to be the only one you love, just as much as you want to be the only one that I love. You just canât treat me like a soul that you own.â
Alastorâs eyes widen at that. Had he reallyâŠ?
He looks you dead in the eye. âIf I ever do that again, correct me with a good slap.â
You shake your head. âNo. I wonât lay my hands on you with anything but affection andâŠshall we say, intimacy.â
âIntimacy,â he repeats, and almost moans then and there. It has beenâŠtoo long.
âI know,â you say. âI know.â
âWill you ever beâŠcomfortable with the idea of it again?â Alastor asks.
âIâve practically undressed you with my eyes since you came in here.â
He goes to make a move but you rebuff him once more, sitting up in the bed. âThe fact remains that I am hurt by you when you start questioning me about the attentions of other men, attentions that I do not notice more often than not, if they exist at all. Especially not from him. I keep telling you, he does not look at me that way, he doesnât think of me that way.â
He nods several times in thought before sitting up beside you, turning to face you. âI am afraid.â
Your eyes widen. Youâve seen him express all sorts of emotions in front of you before but never, not once, had even alluded to fear.
âW-why?â you ask with a bare whisper.
âIâm not a good man, and you know that. You know what I do almost better than anyone else. You are too good for me, therefore I fear another man will come along, catch your fancy, and leave me with the choice of either killing him and devastating you or simply languishing in my own self-pity. Why are you so far?â
(Obviously he would kill the other man.)
Alastor drags you into his lap and you give no resistance. He holds you tight, intending to never let go, not now when there was a chance.
You lay your head on his shoulder and breathe him in. Youâve missed his scent, too.
âIâm not too good for you,â you mutter against his neck. âAnd I wonât hear of it. Understood?â
He smiles begrudgingly. âFine. You will have it as you wish, my dear.â
âSo,â you say. âWhat now?â
âMove forward,â he says again. âBe with me again. Allow me to present you with jewels. I willâŠcontinue to put up with that little abomination eating the lilies.â
You gasp and look towards Herbert. You clap your hands together loudly. âHerbert! No! They might be poisonous to you, and besides, theyâre mommyâs!â
Alastor canât help himself but laugh. âMommyâs, you say?â
âI made him, Iâm mommy!â
MaybeâŠmaybe it was possible. Youâre not a sinner, after all, and Charlie does existâŠ
Maybe he can give you fawns, bond you to him for all eternity, heat-death of the universe be damned.
Alastor chuckles, lets that thought slide by (for now). He whisks the lilies away before the little bastard can make himself sick and throws another apple at him. Herbert gasps softly, takes it, and back under the bed he goes.
âSee?â Alastor says. âI am suitable.â
You smile at him softly. âPromise?â
âYes, dear. I do promise. There are many things I canât. We will continue to argue over pointless things, thatâs already in the cards. We will bump heads and piss each other off. I will be jealous, I will certainly be possessive, but I will never express it to you in a way that makes you feel like a harlot. And I will try not to over-analyse every interaction with him. Perhaps I will never express it at all, that would be best, I knowâŠ
âAnd I will fail. And you will, too. We will have our⊠fuck-ups, as you often call them. However, for all the fuck-ups we ever had before, not a moment passed when I did not know that I loved you. You created space in me, made my lungs full. I cannot be without you now, and I think youâŠI think that you are the same. I hope you are the same.â He pauses. âPlease, darling.â
You kiss him, and in that he understands your acceptance of this. Of him, his words, the explicit and implicit promises. Words were difficult sometimes.
He grabs you tightly and rides the dark to his bedroom, to the bed he made for you.
You break the kiss with an air of incredulity. âYou know I hate when you shadow whoosh me!â
âAnd you know I have exactly one rule about where we are intimate.â
You sigh. âNot above Herbertâs nest.â
âIndeed. Not above Herbertâs nest.â
âAnd who said anything about being intimate?â you ask, a hint of mischief in your eyes.
He smirks. âThere she is.â
âTell me what you want to do to me,â you say.
He grins, his eyes burning with a dark, sinful desire as he responds huskily, his lips against your ear. âAh, my love, I want to do everything to you. I want to touch you, taste you, explore every inch of you until nothing exists to either of us except each other. I want to hear you moan and gasp my name, to make you feel things you've never felt before.â
You give him a wicked smile. âWe should do that.â
He grows in agreement, his eyes burning with need and desire as he responds in a low, guttural voice. âWe absolutely should. We will. Iâm going to explore every inch of you, to make you feel things you've only dreamed of. Are you ready for that, my love?
He pulls you so that your back is snug against his chest, not a bit of space between your bodies. His clawed fingertips run from your knee all the way to your hip. He can hear that little gasp you try to hide, can feel that little shiver. The hem of your dress hiked up, his hand moves to cup your mound. He smirks to himself when he feels you rub against it.
âBe a good girl,â he murmurs against your ear, lips brushing against the shell of it. He rubs against your underwear for a few moments, allowing you to rock your hips against his hand, and oh, there it was again. Control. Control over you, the greatest prize of all, and you gave it to him so willingly.
His hand slides his hand inside your silken undergarments easilyâones that he bought for you. Itâs gratifying as hell, almost as good as feeling your slick folds against his fingers. He blunts his fingertips and rubs against you.
Alastorâs teeth catch on your neck and heâs more than tempted to bite down, but not just yet. You moan and he relishes it.
âYou like that?â he murmurs against your ear. âYou love it, donât you? Being a good girl for me.â Alastor uses his free arm to wrap around your hips to stop you from moving. âNow, be very good.â
You give a soft little whimper when he wonât let you move anymore, knowing youâre at his mercy when heâs in a mood like this. Fingers slide inside of you, his thumb rubbing over your clit.
âBe still, and be quiet,â he instructs, smiling against your ear.
He can sense the struggle almost as soon as he says it. That little tremble in your thighs. The hand that shoots up to cover your mouth.
âOh, no dear,â Alastor says, pushing it away with his free hand. âDonât test me again. No cheating, no tricks. No magic, no power. Only me.â
Listening to you trying to contain all your little sounds is priceless. Alastor knows how to play your body like a Stradivarius. His fingers move lower, deeper.
âWho makes you feel like this?â he asks, sucking a dark mark against your neck.
Youâre not sure if itâs a trick or not until his little ministrations pause, causing you to whimper again. âYou!â
âAtta girl,â he says affectionately. âYouâre so wet for me.â
He chuckles, his breath warm against your skin, his chin rubbing against your neck as he kisses and teases you. "My love, I can feel. You like it, don't you? You like how I can make you fall apart in my hands, helpless to my touch."
He bites your neck softly, his teeth scraping against your skin.
You take a few shaky breaths. âAm I allowed to speak now?â
Alastor pauses, as if deliberating, and the lack of movement in his fingers is excruciating. Your pussy throbs at the loss, clenching around them, and youâre near the point of begging.
âNo,â he says momentarily. âNo, you are not allowed to speak yet. Good of you to ask, darling, but now is the time for you to listen, not to speak. Now, stand up.â
Confused, you manage to get up from his lap and stand one rubbery legs before him. Your eyes give the inquiry your lips cannot.
Alastor parts his knees wide and pulls you to straddle one of his thighs.
Oh!
Your cheeks warm and your jaw opens slightly. You almost shake your head, but Alastor reaches for your chin and holds it between his fingers. With his other hand, he grabs one of your hips and forces you to start moving, the grind against your wet, clothed pussy causing you to gasp.
âIâve missed you in more ways than one,â he says, slapping you on the ass to encourage to ride his thigh on your own.
âIt was my own fault, I know that,â he continues, and places both hands on your hips to support you as you move. âI was insane with jealousy, yes, and that is also my own fault. I cannot tolerate the mere notion that someone else would get to see youâŠlike this. You are so very beautiful, darling. You are so very, very much mine.â
He could never let anyone else have you. He knew that he never would. Surprisingly, his possessive words seem to make you grind harder against him, your hips working more quickly. Alastor welcomes this with a grin.
âAh, my dear.â His hands move from your waist to your ass, squeezing, making you moan for him again. âDonât worry. Iâm not going to let you fall. Come for me.â
Still unsure if youâre allowed to make any sound, you bite down on your lip hard, your eyes on his when a little golden rivulet drips from your poor, abused lip.
With a growl, Alastor lunges at you, though you are still in his lap. You fall down to the rug and heâs on top of you, licking up every trace of golden blood. Nothing could ever compare to it, heâd once said, and it turns him feral every single time he sees it or smells it. He kisses you, gently sucking at that tiny wound until it closes way too soon and his fist pounds the floor in anger. He raises his head, looks at you, and you roll your eyes.
âOkay, okay, but in bed,â you say.
Alastor picks you up quickly and tosses you onto it. He takes off his coat and throws it across the room. His bow tie is next, but you hold your hands out.
âWait!â You say, reaching for him. âThe shirt is my job.â
He grunts in his feral state, but he allows it, and soon his shirt is off and on the floor, forgotten.
âWhere?â he asks raggedly.
âWhere do you want?â you ask with a shrug. âThis is your thing, but Iâm happy to oblige. A bit. Not enough to make me dizzy.â
Permission granted, Alastor falls on top of you and goes straight for the jugular, literally. Just some sharp teeth and bam. He was drinking golden blood straight out of your neck, and you gave him the extra sensory delight of playing with his ears while he did so. Heâs moaning, again and again, and you can feel how hard he is, pressed up against your body.
Eventually you decide heâs had enough and push his head away gently. Alastor kisses you instead, still giving animalistic energy, and rips away every article of clothing that separates you.
You can taste your own blood on his lips.
Somehow in this state Alastor remembers that he told you to come but didnât let you and he quickly works to remedy that. His fingers enter you again. He knows your body well, he knows how to make you come in moments and you do, your legs shaking uncontrollably. Alastor finally leans back to look at the wreck heâs made of you and he smirks.
He holds one of your thighs against his waist and enters you fast, all at once, and the pace he sets is equally feral. Any time your blood came into the mix he truly could not help himself. His strokes are hard, deep, enough to make your knees wobble.
You hear him take a deep inhale and look up at him.
âMy darling, the way you react to me, the way you reactâŠFit so perfectly, like your cunt was made just for my use.â Alastor bites at your neck again, but he wonât try to draw blood.
You grab one of the pillows and put it underneath your hips. This was an especially careful operation, considering how he was pounding you, but it tilted your hips and allowed for a more delicious angle.
Alastorâs clawed hand grabs your other thigh and squeezes hard. âWhat do you think, darling? Do you think this pretty little pussy was made for me?â
You nod several times, finding it harder and harder to catch your breath, but heâs without mercy this time. âJesusâŠâ
âNot an acceptable response, dearest,â he says with a little groan of exertion. He squeezes your thigh again. âNow, I believe I asked you a question. Thereâs only one correct answer, so give it to me.â
The sheets twist beneath your hands. Thereâs a decision to be made. Be forthwith and tell him yes or tease him until heâs out of his right mind.
âDamn it, darling,â he says impatiently.
You smirk. Let the teasing begin. âI donât know.â
âWhat?â Alastorâs claws on your thigh almost drew more golden blood.
âYou asked if my pussy was made just for you,â you say, your words coming out through pants because of his force.
His antlers grew larger, longer. His glare was menacing. His voice was dark.
âThen I suppose I must show you.â
The bed began to shake, and his tone shifted.
âAh, my sweet darling, what I want to do to you right now is beyond description. I want to feel your softness, your warmth, your very essence against me, writhing under my touch. I want to take you, claim you, make you mine completely, with no doubting.â
âAnd how will you do that?â you ask playfully.
His hands grip you tighter, pulling you completely against him. He leans in, his lips trailing along your neck, his voice a low, dark growl in your ear.
âHow will I do that, my sweet darling? I'm going to make you feel so good, make you scream from the pleasure of it. I'm going to kiss you, and touch you, and taste you, until you're so lost in pleasure you don't remember your own name or where you are.â
Your breath comes more and more harshly. âDid you soundproof the room?â
He gives you a look of pure incredulity. âOf course the room is soundproof! These precious little moans and gasps, theyâre all mine, understand? Only I get to hear them, they belong to me!â
âYes, yes!â You gulp for air.
âYou do things to me, darling,â he says, âthings that drive me absolutely wild. Your touch, your scent, your responsiveness, it all makes me ache and desperate for you. And you know it, donât you?â
âI do my best.â You wink up at him. âOut of curiosityâŠwhat do I smell like?â
Alastor growls. âAh, darling, you smell simply divine. I can't get enough of your soft, sweet scent. You smell like honey, like flowers, like the fresh air of a sunny day. It's intoxicating and completely addictive. I can't get enough of it, and I can't get enough of you. There will never be enough.â
âKeep me,â you whisper.
âOh, darling,â he says. âLet there be no doubt in that. Yes, you're all mine. Mine to touch, mine to kiss, mine to have. I'm going to make sure you never forget that, darling. You're mine. Do you understand that?â
His hand comes up to gently squeeze at your throat, a warning.
You swallow, knowing he could feel every movement, and nod. âYes, Alastor! Yes!â
His grip on your throat softens somewhat. âYou just love to be under my control, donât you?â
âI love being at your mercy,â you say with a moan.
âIs that so?â Thereâs a grin on his face that presses against his voice, dark and velvet. âAnd why is that? Tell me.â
Your eyes flutter closed. âBecause Iâm the only one safe at your mercy.â
âYouâre right about that,â he says, pushing your thigh higher against your chest. âLook at you. Hair all mussed, lip swollen, bruises on your throat. And I did all of it. Tell me, darling. Tell me.â
âYou did it. You did all of this to me, youâre the only one I wantâŠâ
That was what he truly wanted to hear, you knew. His jealousy is a problem and in all likelihood will continue to manifest itself, but at the root of it he just wanted to be the only one you had an appetite for. He fucks you harder and harder until you start screaming for him.
âYes, yes,â he says, rubbing at your clit now. âGo on, make all of those beautiful, lascivious noises for meâŠâ
You huff and gasp for breath. âAlastor, please, please let me come!â
He chuckles. âYes, darling. That is the goal.â
When it hits you, you gasp first. Your hips grind against his, moving through it, along it, until itâs just too muchâ
But Alastor doesnât stop. He holds you down, fucks you harder, draws it out for as long as he can. He smirks down at you as you shake for what he is doing to youâfor you. His thumb circles your clit one last time before heâs finally merciful.
âSo tight for me, darling,â he says, sucking the words between his teeth. Itâs almost more than he can take, and he knows that itâs coming fast. He justâŠhe needs something first.
He speaks in a gentler tone now, watching the bulge in your stomach move as he fucks you. âDarlingâŠ"
Youâre still gasping for breath. âYeah, honey? What is it?â
âPromise me that IâmâŠenough.â
âEnough?â You laugh, a raspy sound. âYouâre too fucking much.â
Alastor lets out a gravelly moan, its intensity changing the pitch. You could almost swear that you can feel his cum inside you, all white and hot. When he finally stops moving, he leans against your thigh, chasing his breath.
âBravo,â you say, putting your arms around him when he lays down beside you.
"I thought perhaps I had pleased you," he says, shuddering when you rub the base of his ears.
You laugh softly, breath finally caught. "Reconciled?"
Alastor nods. "Indeed. We are reconciled. If...you'll have me, anyway."
"I think that I will," you say, and from the corner of your eye, you see something on the wall and sit straight up, pointing. "That son of a bitch shadow of yours is stealing my feathers again!"
The smiling spectre flaunts his new feather and cuddles closer to your shadow. Maybe they were reconciled, as well.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel x you#hazbin hotel imagine#hazbin hotel smut#alastor x reader smut#alastor x you#alastor x reader#alastor x you smut#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel Alastor#the radio demon#alastor smut#alastor#hazbin alastor smut#alastor imagines#500
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â-was seventy-five degrees in Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue. I was wearing my favourite sh- are you sure you want to listen to this, Si?â You giggled, shutting your book in favour of leaning your cheek against your forearm, tilting your head back far enough to catch Simonâs eye behind you. âI could always read whatever youâve started, wouldnât bother me.â
âNot the deal, lovie.â He answers, scooching further up the bed to where youâre laying on your stomach, head just as the edge of the bed so that your arms can comfortably hold the book at eye level. âSâyour turn after all. You read me whatever you like.â
Itâs true, it is your turn tonight. You forget how long ago this started, though you remember how the idea came about, Simon complaining about his back one evening while the two of you were laying on the couch together, each reading a book, quietly enjoying the others company. He was home for only a few days that time, and youâd insisted that he spend at least a full 24 hours doing nothing but resting and relaxing, a feat easier said than done with that man.
âWhy donât you let me rub your back?â Youâd suggested, setting your book down.
âNo love, you donât have to be doinâ that,â heâd shaken his head, though you could see he was doing so reluctantly. His back really was hurting him something fierce. âBesides, Iâm at the good part. Donâ wanna put this down just yet.â Heâd gestured towards the thick novel in his hands, some war book, of course. His idea of relaxing.
âOh come on,â youâd insisted, wanting to do this for him. You had tugged the blanket off your lap, coming to stand next to the couch, watching him raise a brow at you. âI can totally massage your back while you read, best of both worlds. Go on, flip over on your stomach.â
âUsually Iâm the one tellinâ you tha- hey!â He had obliged you, turning over onto until heâs laying on his front, trying to hid the wince of discomfort that came with the movement. Youâd swatted at his ass following his little comment, but your soft hands were already coming to slip under his shirt, skimming along both smooth and scarred skin alike. âBut you were enjoyinâ your book too, love.â He tried to protest again, though his eyes were already rolling to the back of his head at the feeling of your touch, loving fingers squeezing at his strong, sore muscles.
âWhy donât you read out loud to me?â Youâd suggested to him.
âNot sick oâ my voice yet?â
âMm, never.â You came to straddle his behind, planting a knee on either side of him, leaning closer to whisper to him. âFavourite sound in the world actually.â
Simon was grateful you couldnât see his face at this moment, as he was certain heâd gone beet red.
âWell, you let me know when you change your mind.â He grumbled, opening his book back up, clearing his throat and picking up whereâd last left off. Three chapters later, your barely noticed how sore your hands were in comparison to how full your heart was, listening to Simonâs voice go from begrudgingly reading the passages to you, his tone slowly gaining enthusiasm as he became lost in the story once more, smiling to himself whenever heâd hear a small noise come from you in reaction to his reading, a gasp of surprise of a hum of agreement.
Heâd gone to bed that night and slept better than he had in a long time, back feeling like a dream, and woke up the next day, asking if he could return the favour. Soon, the evening pass time of one of you massaging the otherâs back while they read aloud whatever book theyâre currently reading, became one of your favourite, most cherished memories with Simon, the tender moment so pure, knowing he looked forward to these small moments as much as you did.
The two of you had gone through so many genres in the last few months, youâd lost track, every type of book being brought off the shelf. Though you didnât always share the same tastes in books, you could still enjoy the sound of your lover reading something that they love to you. Simon was always a good sport about your picks in particular, but tonight you couldnât help but question whether he really would want to sit through your pick of the week.
âIâm not even sure if it would be better or worse to have you watch the movie first.â You say, your words nearly coming out in a moan at the end when his strong hands reach a tender spot in your back.
âJusâ read me the book, cheeky girl, before I try anâ get more oâ them noises out oâ ya.â He decides for you, giving your ass a quick squeeze before returning to his diligent task of rubbing your back.
You decide youâll listen to the Lieutenant this one time, opening up your book and starting again.
Who knows, maybe Simon will like vampires.
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