#there is nowhere for me to scream into the void that has other people in it I trust with this screaming that they also aren't in

[thebindingofdragonshy]

new existential dread: all of your friends (except for one) are suddenly moving out and everybody either lives too far away (another state/country) or already has their own plans on roommates and you are freaking out because you love your parents and they're great but you can't live with them literally forever but how the hell are you supposed to ever ever ever move out and afford rent ON YOUR OWN in this economy and the ONE FRIEND who isn't suddenly moving out/already moved out and on without you, you don't think is like ever going to move out and also they're so so soooo fucking stupid when it comes to their spending habits so you absolutely do not trust to live with them I mean he's never even had a *job* before and he regularly *impulse spends* 300-400 dollars on board games and now you're suddenly freaking out because you went from not even thinking about it because it doesn't matter to WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVER GOING TO DO IN THE FUTURE ALL YOUR OPTIONS ARE GONE FROM UNDER YOUR FEET BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T THINK TO FUCKING PRE-CLAIM PEOPLE AS YOUR ROOMMATES BACK WHEN YOU WERE *STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL* AND OH YEAH YOUR ONE FRIEND WHO YOU THOUGHT WAS UNPLANNED WHO IS BOTH CLOSE ENOUGH TO BE VIABLE AND SOMEBODY YOU COULD ACTUALLY STAND LIVING WITH ACTUALLY PSYCHE THEY'RE MOVING OUT *LITERALLY NEXT WEEK* LIKE THE DAY AFTER THEY TURN 18 NOT EVEN BECAUSE OF THEIR PARENTS BUT BECAUSE OF THEIR SIBLINGS AND THEY'RE GOING WITH *FOUR OTHER PEOPLE* SO YOU'RE SHIT OUT OF LUCK YOU'RE ALL ON YOUR OWN AND NOW YOU'RE PANICKING EVEN THOUGH IT'S STILL A FUTURE PROBLEM BECAUSE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[empressofthesunslittlecorner]

Let's talk about Zutara

WARNING NOT KATAANG AND MAIKO FRIENDLY

CONTINUE WITH PRECAUTION

I thought I should finally use this second blog of mine for the reason I made it.

To scream into the void and find mutals.

So let's talk about one Ship which people to this day fight over.

The fanon ship (at it pains me to write this) made out of Zuko and Katara from Avatar the Last Airbender aka. Zutara.

I read a lot of analyses, arguments and so on about this ship.

It probably all has been said about Zutara, but since I'm writing an AangXOC story which will include Zutara, I felt like I should give my stance on it.

Back when Avatar first aired in the country I lived in the time I was like 11-12 years old.

I had an instant crush on Aang since he was so funny, kind and gentle.

I never saw Aang's crush on Katara as a problem, because it always seemed to me, till season 3, that Katara was just motherly to Aang.

Giving a friend a cheek kiss in thanks doesn't automatically mean that you like-like them.

At this time I only really shipped Sokka and Yue and cried my eyes out how it ended.

And then the famous scene from book 2 in the crystal catacombs under Ba Sing Se happened.

Short recap, in that season Zuko goes through a lot of chances and I root for, wishing him the best.

Now back to the scene, I said.

The scene turned me into a Zutara shipper in one instant.

Zuko and Katara opening up to each other, sharing their traumas and feelings about the Fire Nation, Katara offering to heal his scare...it was poetic cinema.

I was shivering all over and was like kiss, kiss, kiss!

Let's not forget that before this scene I didn't even see them as a potential couple...but this scene, this beautiful moment they shared with each other, opened my eyes.

I was like, yeah this is it, this is something one should want from a partner. Mutual understanding.

Then Zuko decided to betray Katara for a chance to go home and I cried right there with our favourite waterbender.

I felt also betrayed.

The scene they shared made me feel things, which I experienced as a young girl for the first time, I felt the connection between Zuko and Katara like it was my own.

I was Katara at this moment and couldn't believe that the boy who opened up to me, who understood what it was like to have their mother taken away from the Fire Nation, who said that he wanted to change, that he turned his back on me.

Didn't I/Katara mean nothing to him?

Didn't he feel how special our/their moment was?

I was devasted.

When Zuko then joined the Gaang in the middle of season 3 I could understand Katara's anger towards him.

Katara and I trusted him first and he betrayed our trust.

We had a right to be angry.

As the Southern Raiders came on, as I saw how flawlessly they worked as a team, I felt my own heart heal.

I swerve to this day, that I thought they would kiss at the end of the episode, but we got a hug.

However, this hug, made me feel all giddy and mushy inside.

I felt it was something special.

Maybe even more than a kiss.

It was a huge of forgiveness and the start of a new bond.

And then the last episode comes on.

Zuko sacrificed himself to save Katara from Azula lighting, she healed him then...I thought, yes this is it, now comes the kiss...but nothing.

Then suddenly Zuko is back together with Mai and I was like WTF?!

And Aang and Katara share this really intense kiss at the end.

I was literally like:

It came out of nowhere for me.

That Aang wasn't over his crush on Katara we all know, but when did Katara decide she liked Aang?

When did this realisation happen, when in the Ember Island Player, which was like a few days before Sozin's Comet Katara made clear that she didn't want to have a romance or get kissed by Aang, which he didn't respect.

Did he ever actually apologise for the unwanted kiss? I don't think so.

Remember I had a crush on Aang, but through the seasons I became a Zutara Shipper and literally felt all their moments like they were my own.

I was Katara and Aang wasn't on my radar anymore.

I really doubted my interpretation skill, did all these lovely, mushy, heartful moments have been really romantic or did I project?

I felt like Zuko and Katara had broken up with me.

Yeah, so much inpact had their "friendly" moments at me!

To this day, the hug Katara and Zuko shared on the Southern Raiders is one of the most lovely moments of any of my ships.

Not even kissing made me feel, what this hug made me feel.

Think about how powerful this is!

If Zutara had kissed, I would have probably passed out or cried like a baby in happiness.

I don't know and I will never know since it's a fanon ship.

Uurgh.

Anyway, years passed and as I mention before I read a lot of analysis and so on.

What shocked me most was that Byrke originally planned to have Zuko and Katara together but then changed their minds.

It did reassure me, how I wasn't imagining things between them, however reading then how the Souther Raider Episode changed a lot of times because Bryke found it too shippy, tells you a lot.

They wanted to make Kataang canon and better, than the natural flow Zutara had going on.

I want to repeat again, a HUG was MORE ROMANTIC and INTENSE than the crappy kiss Kataang shared.

Like what?!

How is this possible?

Well, yeah, if you don't force things and actually make people interact in a wholesome way it can be.

Zuko and Katara felt never forced because they just clicked. They were different, but the same in many things, that it was so natural to understand the other.

Aang and Katara felt always more like a mother-and-son duo, than real lovers.

And Maiko was kinda lame too.

Sorry.

I have this theory they just wanted to pair Zuko with a Fire Nation girl and be done with it.

I don't know why they chose Mai when it could have been worked with Ty Lee too, if it was only to pair Zuko with someone who doesn't understand him or doesn't want to try.

Excuse me, maybe Ty Lee would have been better since she seemed to care for her friends, in contrast to Mai who just tried her hardest to be goth and hate everything.

Sorry.

What I'm trying to say with this rant?

I think, as someone who had liked Aang and then felt more connected to Zuko and Katara, I can clearly say that if Katara had been a real girl and not a fictional character controlled by men, she would be together with Zuko.

Why would I/Katara choose someone who I need to mother, who is younger than me, who can't relate to me, if there is an older handsome boy who is kinda dorky and awkward and tries his best, understands my feelings and helps me to parent the Gaang?

Yeah, no, Katara would have smooched Zuko if she had been a real girl.

Now, who of you who knows me, can say, but Empress some of your OCs are older than their canon partner, how can you say that Kataang can't work if you do this in your stories?!

I want to make clear I don't have general a problem if the girl is older than the guy or taller.

It's just that their supposed age gap is when they are together makes it creepy.

Look at an example.

My parents have a three-year age gap.

Nothing much.

They are both in their 60, mid 60, so it's not weird.

They are in the same mature stage in life and understand the struggles of the other.

Now think if my parents meet at 12 and 15.

My dad is the older one.

Are you going to say with a straight face that it wouldn't have been creepy if my parents started to date at this age?

What does a teenager want with a pre-puperty child?

Also, they live in completely different worlds, how can they relate to each other?

The same goes for Katara and Aang, what does a 14-year-old want from a 12-year-old?

I bet if it was the other way around, we would all give Aang shit for preying on a 12-year-old girl.

The gender shouldn't decide if we find a couple creepy or not, even if it's so sadly.

What I want to say, Kataang would have worked better if let's say season 3 ended with no pairing, just all being friends and happy and then in the comics when they age, when Katara is 22 and Aang is 20 they got together.

They would have matured, been on the same level, probably dated other people and had experience.

It would have been okay.

Even if I still think Zutara is superior in anything.

Anyway, I hope I could explain myself and no hate to the canon ships and their shippers.

Ship and let ship.

I just wanted to explain my reason why I will be always a Zutara Shipper and don't reconsider the ending of Avatar as the end and Legend of Korra.

I will forever be Team-Season-Four-Where-Aang-Finds-Hiding-Airbenders-And-Falls-in-Love-With-A-Airbender Girl-His-Age-And-Zuko-And-Katara-Marry-Eachother-And-Katara-Becomes-The-Most-Beloved-And-Badass-Fire Lady-In-History!

And they find also Zuko mom ^^

So for now this is it for me.

If you want my take on an Aang and OC story, where Zutara will be canon, go to my other Tumblr profile empressofthesunwriter and read Yin and Yang.

Here is the link to the Index

I wish you all a nice day/night!

Till next time!

[buubonita]

Reaper Sans (+ Geno) headcanons

Here we go!

Reaper

*He has a perfect singing voice.

*His voice has a spectral echo, there is also a difference in his casual voice and his "god voice" (which he uses to dramatize sometimes)

* An ancient entity that has seen it all and feels great detachment from others, except for those who care.

*He is very cold to the touch.

* The robe that covers it is made of the "void fabric" (place where it was created) and anyone who touches it will be absorbed by it.

* Reaper has no decorum, so wandering around naked is not a problem for him (they're just bones to look at). He wears baggy clothes most of the time.

* The only flowers he is able to touch without killing them are those that are associated with death and that Toriel (Life) made especially for him.

* Everything he touches dies or rots.

* People make offerings to him but only to exact revenge.

* The temple of the death gods looks like a mausoleum on the outside, but it is its own dimension subject to constant changes. The doors don't open with keys, and there are hallways that lead nowhere. The corners are full of forget-me-not flowers.

* Following Afrerdeath's idea, Geno and Reaper adopted each of the children after finding them. The multiverse "expels them" and they welcome them. There is nothing sexual involved.

* Reaper adopts many attitudes of crows.

*Shino is his favorite daughter

* Goth is his favorite son

*Geno doesn't have favorites.

* Reaper struggles a lot with the mortal specter of his children because he is first a god and then a father. He still loves his chicks very much, but lacks enough experience and empathy.

* He does not see Geno as an equal because of his same omnipotent god mentality. This is a cause of permanent tension between them.

* Cerberus exists and is the one who protects its territories.

* Geno does embroidery.

* Reaper has given Geno chocolates that scream when he eats them.

* Goth and Raven are in charge of harvesting souls while Shino and Sorell assist Papyrus with the bureaucracy of death.

This list will be updated eventually.

[mon-the-lemur]

Thoughts on the new DA:The Veilguard trailer

Here are some thoughts that my friends @hug4tim and @slecnaztemnot and I had watching the trailer in detail.

Black City

I believe this is Rook inside the Black city. It is a ruined version of the Arlathan place from the gameplay reveal trailer. And while that place was golden and relatively untouched, this place is obviously ruined, completely devoid of colour and there are vines growing through it, which look like lyrium veins, presumably blighted.

Teleportation magic

Here we see Elghar'nan jumping out from a void bubble and appearing out of nowhere in front of Ghilan'nain. There was no teleportation magic in the previous games for lore reasons. I believe that now when the veil is torn, we will be seing more previously impossible feats of magic.

Underwater level(s?)

This place is obviously an elven ruin that is now underwater. Most probably the sea and I expect it perhaps off shore from Rivain. Maybe we will also get to swim?

Lyrium mines + Titan eathshaping magic

Here we see an entrance to the inside of a mountain. Based on the doors and the architecture around, it was originally dwarven, but perhaps now used by other peoples (ie dwarven pully systems tend to use way less wood).

Just after this we see the inside of the mine, with lyrium veins running through the cavern.

Following that we get to see Harding petrifying darkspawn.

In my opinion this will be one of Harding's major quests. As far as I know, Harding hasn't really been in the deep roads much. Perhaps when she goes to the lyrium mine, a titan once again stirs due to the torn veil and connects with Harding, giving her stone creating and shaping abilities. She can petrify creatures and it seems also create rock formations:

Morrigan

Our with girl finally changed her wardrobe :D

The crown is obviously the same design as Flemeths. I believe that Morrigan has indeed inherrited Mythal's soul from Flemeth, as was theorized.

Also, as you can see her magic is now much stronger and visually very similar to the elvhen gods' that we have seen.

I also think, that from Morrigan's side it does not matter who drank from the Well, she will have those abilities either way through Mythal herself. In my opinion it will only have consequences for the Inquisitor, who could have some bonuses and issues depending on either choice with the Well in DA:I.

Manfred the walking backpack

Adding this just cause... I mean look at him, he's adorable.

Multiple elvhen gods

This image follows the screenshot with Manfred in the trailer.

It seems to be set in Nevarra's necropolis. And it also looks like there might be a little bit of a cult situation going on.

This image is accompanied by Bellara saying "Our gods are back". That and the "cult" lead me to believe we may be looking at Falon'din.

The armor design looks very similar to Solas' from the prologue. The skeleton has horns on it head, and as per Solas' words on Falon'din, he was vain and loved gaining followers. That to me tracks with what we seem to be shown in the image above.

Also what is up with Ghilan'nain here????

Taash

The person lying down in the sand (?) seems to have horns, one of them made from green crystal. That screams to me that it is Taash. Perhaps this is how we get to meet her. If so, the poor baby always has bad angles in trailers :D

Anderfels

Lucanis' personal quest?

Neve's personal quest?

The man with red lyrium looks like he is wearing similar outfit to Neve, so perhaps a shadow dragon, or maybe even family member.

Irellin and Strife (?)

[mackjlee9]

Adam Warlock x Male!Reader [Angst&Fluff]

[It's funny how this was gonna be a Will Poulter x Actor!Male!Reader instead lol]

[sorry if there are any confusing moments, I tried to make the flashbacks transitions obvious but not awkward :/]

Masterlist.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3

"Help us! Please"

The painful screech of a woman pleading for her children's lives bounced off the walls inside his skull, "Someone... We need someone who can help us!" A deep, hoarse voice followed, the same desperation and pain in his voice.

Blinking in what felt like slow motion, his (e/c) eyes observed through the flying dirt around him, structures exploding and collapsing, pieces of rumble finding their way to them, hitting their skin and leaving scratch marks and even deeper cuts, the shock wave of the nearby explosion reached them, walls tumbling down to the ground along with him, knocking him unconscious for a few minutes.

He looked around the room he was in, realizing he was... Alone. His parents and siblings were nowhere in sight, and he panicked.

"Mother..." He spoke softly as he stood up, his stance wobbly as he reached to hold himself up the wall, "Father!" Yelling out to them, he walked out of the room into the next one, his breath getting caught in his throat at the gruesome sight, "No..."

His body gave up on him, falling to his knees and painfully crawling his way to his family, tears clouding his eyes when he saw his mother, a tight feeling in his throat.

"No!" His voice broke as he cried out for them, clinging onto what was left of his family, "Come back, please! You can't leave! Mom! Dad!"

In his desperate and futile attempt to save his family, he didn't notice the voices of people outside the remains of his house, calling for them as they found another survivor. He only realized there were others with him when he was held around his waist and picked up off the ground, begging to be dragged outside.

"No! Let go of me! Mom-!" His voice was raspy and his throat was sore, his hand scratching at the arms around him, his rage and pain making the still standing walls shake and crack, threatening to fall any second, making it impossible to stay inside any longer.

He wasn't strong enough to free himself, and he was realizing that he was losing strength, his eyes watching as they walked away from his collapsed home, being carried away...

"(M/n)?"

The sound of his name being called and a warm hand placed on top of his got him back to reality. He had been swarmed by memories again, all the people screaming, his family, his friends, even his enemies... He remembered it all, all the pain and sorrow that came with the invasion of his planet.

But with that, hope and faith came along.

Staring into bright golden eyes, (M/n) hummed in response, letting Adam know that he was there, with him.

"Do you... Wanna talk?" Adam's voice was hesitant, perhaps because he knew all the pain (M/n) felt, only being amplified by the fact that they were flying past the remains of his planet, floating aimlessly out in the vast void that was the space.

(M/n) looked at him, and showed him a small smile, before shaking his head.

"It's okay, I'll be fine," he stands up, lifting his hand to Adam's shoulder before patting it a couple of times, "Don't worry about me."

And with that, he walked away.

Adam frowned as he continued to stare at (M/n) until he disappeared around the corner. Six months had passed since the day the Guardians had come to (M/n)'s home planet for a mission, rescuing the (h/c) haired male from its invasion. He had asked if he could join the Guardians on their missions, and now, he was one of them. This was his first job, of course everyone was gonna be slightly worried about him.

//////

In the time he has been around, he found out a lot of things about the Guardians and everyone who used to be one back in Knowhere. Unfortunately, he could only hear stories about Star-Lord and Mantis from their friends, such as Rocket and Groot.

And knowing about the Guardians meant knowing about Adam himself. The boy was quite naive, and clueless, but he was eager to learn, not scared to make mistakes and learn from them instead of looking back on them and thinking 'what if'. It was safe to say that they, Adam and (M/n), had become quite close.

Neither of them really knew why or how it happened, but they are what one would call, friends. Which meant, being there for each other during bad and dark times.

Like the time when Adam hadn't been able to save a small family, a dad with his two daughters, surrounded by grotesque creatures. There wasn't much he could've done, but he gave them hope, a glimpse of light in the tunnel, before their eyes closed to never be opened again.

He had beat himself over and over again for that, becoming scared and skeptical about whether he was cut out to be a Guardian of the Galaxy. (M/n) hates remembering that Adam didn't say that to him directly, but he rather knew because the golden boy had been talking to his little furry friend Blurp, a cute and rather mischievous F'Saki.

"Why didn't I save them? I could've..." Adam sighed, messing with his already messy blond hair, and (M/n) frowned as he kept himself hidden, "They were... There, right in front of me and I... I couldn't..." Hearing his voice trembling and breaking made Blurp whine, nudging Adam's hands that were covering his face, "There's... No reason f-for me to be a Guardian if I... I can't s-save someone in front of me..."

He couldn't take it anymore.

"You did what you could, Adam," the sudden sound of his voice made the Sovereign jump in place, his hand lowering as he turned his head to look at him over his shoulder, "We all did," stepping closer to him, (M/n) made his way until he was sitting next to Adam, slowly placing his hand on top of his, gently holding it, a reassuring smile on his face, "Don't beat yourself up for it."

Adam shook his head and stared into (M/n)'s eyes, his bright golden ones filled with tears.

"I could've done more, I know I could've..." He paused for a moment, blinking as tears fell down his golden skin, looking down at their hands, "I'm not cut out to be a Guardian, I'm not made for it."

He wanted to tell him that it wasn't true, that he was more than worthy of being a Guardian, but he doubted Adam would've believed him with the way he talking about himself.

"Adam," leaning closer, (M/n) made eye contact with him, "Maybe you weren't able to save them, but... You saved so many more people, you're always helping others and doing your best, pushing your limits, and putting yourself in danger every time," his soft tone made Adam sigh, feeling his mind quieting down, feeling calmer now, "And you will continue to do so, wouldn't you?"

A small smile graced Adam's face, turning his hand to squeeze (M/n)'s back, "I do it because I know you'll always have my back."

That was a pretty nice memory, even if it had a bittersweet taste to it, it was what they needed, to know they will always be there for each other, no matter what. And they aren't gonna let these weird feelings be the cause of that either.

(M/n) and Adam had been sent on many missions together on their own, something neither of them minded, they enjoyed spending time together, even if it meant going to a chill place to bring something to someone or like that other time they jumped off the roof of a building.

They just had the simple task of having a delivery to a neighboring planet, nothing wrong with that, they were actually received with a warm welcome, heading to the rooftop of the business building they were in, enjoying a nice lunch of intergalactic food and delicious drinks.

Everything was going okay, which wasn't a recurrence when it came to the Guardians, but it was nice whenever it happened. However, they don't usually last long.

It appeared to be some political discrepancy on the planet, and they just so happened to be where the so-called president or queen or ruler of the land was.

The rogues, as they were called, were against her and her beliefs, her opinions, and her way of seeing their home, they didn't like that. The planet wasn't at war, but... It wasn't peaceful, it seemed more like a riot.

Thankfully, everyone in the building had managed to evacuate with (M/n) and Adam's help, but now their only way to escape the place before it collapsed was from the roof. And with each passing second the building shook more and more often. Adam could've easily just flown away, but (M/n) didn't have abilities like the Sovereign male did, so Adam had to save him as well.

Which he did.

He held (M/n)'s hand in his and ran off the edge of the rooftop, wrapping his arms around his body on their way down, before flying away together.

Adam only managed to get away a few meters before the shock wave reached him and messed him up, causing him to hit the ground and roll on the grass for a short while. Another explosion went off and sirens could be heard around when they finally stopped rolling.

(M/n) opened his eyes, staring directly at Adam's neck. He placed his hand on the ground and lifted his upper body off of him.

"You okay?" He mumbled loud enough for Adam to hear him, watching him frown and look at him. A shiver ran down (M/n)'s body when he realized how close their faces were, and he noticed a copper tint darkening Adam's face, it looked like he was blushing.

Adam opened his mouth to say something, but it seemed like the air was stuck in his throat, making him release quiet sounds, until he finally nodded a few times.

Damn... The tension between, the mutual pining, adoration, and respect was so obvious. And yet, none of them could realize.

But right now wasn't the time for (M/n) to be reminiscing the past, they had a job to do.

//////

Blurry sight and dizzy mind were all he could make out of the current situation.

Knowhere was under invasion, and everyone that could fight was fighting, with their lives on the line.

Like (M/n).

He can't remember the number of times he got punched and tossed around, after the few first ones everything felt like a dream, he couldn't hear and see properly, feeling as if he was underwater.

He made out the big and robust silhouette of the same guy he had been fighting, and something in his mind clicked. This was it. This was his end. He was gonna die.

(M/n) coughed up more blood as he move his body, feeling it throbbing with pain everywhere, every inch of his body was screaming and screeching at him to stop moving, but his mind told him to keep fighting, for Knowhere, for the Guardians. For Adam.

"Come at me, asshole," he managed to gruff out, a deep frown on his face, and he heard the growl the guy released as he approached him.

In his dazed state, he felt his body being picked up and thrown, his back colliding with a wall soon enough, before falling limp to the ground, a smile on his face as he witness the Guardians giving it their all, and succeeding.

Good job, guys...

(M/n)'s eyes began closing, dark spots filling his vision more and more with each second that passed, until there was only darkness, filling his sight and mind, his pain fading with a quiet hum, one last breath leaving past his parted lips, drops of blood running down his skin and falling to the cold ground under him.

Perhaps he could've done something different, something more, anything that would count, but... Maybe it just wasn't meant. Maybe he and Adam weren't born to be together after all.

I love you, Adam. I'm sorry.

//////

Rage clouded Adam's vision, his fist colliding with anything that got in his way to save (M/n), including the robust guy that had been throwing him around, the enjoyment in his face only made him angrier.

If it wasn't for Groot holding him back, his hands would've squished the guy's head, he could easily do that if he so damn pleased, but not now, and not ever.

"Kraglin!" Cosmo's voice could be heard, a scared and desperate tone in her robot voice, "(M/n) is not breathing!"

That was all Adam needed to break free from Groot's hold, and they ran as fast as they could to get to (M/n). Nebula and Drax had helped as much as they could to protect their home and population, and now, they were looking over (M/n)'s bloody and beat up body.

"Let's get him to the medbay!" Rocket called as he started making his way there, thankfully it had survived the attack and was mostly still standing.

Adam leaned down and picked (M/n) up before anyone else could, blinking away the tears that clouded his sight, he still looked magnificent to him, despite the dirt and blood coloring his skin, Adam could only hope that (M/n) would open his eyes and smile at him like he always did whenever Adam wasn't feeling the best, doubting the perfection of his civilization, and the loss of his mother... He didn't know what he would do without (M/n) in his life.

He walked into the med bay and gently laid (M/n) down, and soon, med-packs were placed everywhere on his body, fixing broken bones and open wounds, but he was completely still, not breathing despite the oxygen mask and getting colder by the minute.

Nebula's shaky hands grabbed the cables attached to the heart rate monitor, and she placed them in (M/n)'s chest, the dreadful sound of the flatline filling their hearing, making them freeze in their spot. But while everyone took a step back, Adam stayed in place, his eyes fixed on (M/n)'s face, and only one thing in his mind.

To get him back. He wasn't gonna let (M/n) go... Not without telling him how much he means to him, not without letting him know how madly in love he is with him. He wasn't gonna let him go, not now.

His hands moved on their own, removing every cable and med-pack out of his body, placing his hands on (M/n)'s chest to begin the chest compression, his sight shifting from the monitor to (M/n)'s face, a silent yet desperate pray for him to just... Wake up. Or for him to wake up, because this felt like a horrible nightmare.

Adam had no idea for how long he had been trying to get (M/n)'s heart to beat on its own again, but everyone around him couldn't keep looking, the sight of a broken and desperate Adam, as he attempted to revive (M/n), was painful enough to cause tears to freely fall their faces.

"Adam-" Kraglin called him, trying to get his attention and make him stop, he was only hurting himself more by doing all this, but Adam wasn't gonna give up, not now.

Even so, the tears have also started falling down his gold skin, sobs of his own leaving his body, his bottom lip trembling, "Come on... Please, please, please..." He cried with a quiet, broken voice, maintaining his eyes locked onto (M/n), if anything, he wanted to remember him, every detail of his face, he needed to have him engraved in his memory.

His determination to get him back was faltering, and his compressions were slower and more spaced, he was giving up...

"Just... One last time, please..."

The moment he pushed for the last time, a sharp gasp could be heard in the medbay.

(M/n)'s body shot up, his hands gripping tightly onto the surface he was laying on, blindly reaching to take the oxygen mask off his face. He blinked a few times, regaining his sight slowly, and he saw Adam next to him.

"What-?"

Adam's hands held his face as he leaned down closer to him, muffling his question as their lips pressed together. (M/n)'s eyes were wide open for a few seconds, before they slowly began to close, his hand reaching up to hold onto Adam's wrist, reciprocating his kiss.

Shivers ran down their spines and goosebumps covered their skin, but they soon had to pull away from each other. Adam looked at him, a faint smile pulling the corners of his lips up.

"I missed you," (M/n) felt a smile of his own growing on his face as he felt Adam's hands stroking his face, staring into his eyes with a feeling that warmed his whole body from the inside out.

He would've said something if he wasn't because he caught a glimpse of the rest of the Guardians behind Adam, and he realized where he was.

He felt a knot in his throat at the realization that he was gone, for a short while, but he was, he could barely remember how he had decided to part from them- from Adam, without a goodbye or a confession, and he hated himself for that, because...

There's no way he could just leave the Guardians behind, he couldn't give up on his life and... He couldn't cause that pain, sorrow, and guilt to Adam.

He smiled brightly with tears glossing his sight as he sat up with Adam's help.

"I'm home."

[s-t-a-c-y-y-y]

Dog of Chaos - Part 1

Chikn stared into the void, processing everything that had happened within the last few hours. His anger from being rejected by his friends led him to transform everyone and everything into abstract, incomprehensible shapes. There wasn't a single ounce of joy left inside of the deity, and the only emotions that remained were guilt, shame, and an endless supply of dread. The whimsical music that once filled his world was now replaced with pure silence. The silence was so deafening to Chikn that it pierced his long ears like needles.

Suddenly, out of the silence, Chikn heard a familiar giggle. It was Bezel, the embodiment of time and the seemingly innocent Clock-faced being that he was naive enough to view as a guardian.

"Ha! Look what you've done, my friend!" Bezel jeered. "Oh boy, you should've seen the look on your face! The drama! The chaos! Oh my, it was beautiful!"

Chikn didn't respond, nor did he even look at Bezel. He continued staring into the void, pretending that Bezel wasn't even there. Still, Bezel approached the dog-like god, not even caring much about his emotions.

"Oh, don't be sad, buddy!" Bezel said to Chikn while stroking his head. "Maybe this will cheer you up!" Out of nowhere, Bezel grabbed out a half-empty bag of popcorn. He had been eating out of it while he watched Chikn unleash his wrath upon the world. "I've got leftovers!" Bezel giggled as he waved a piece of popcorn in front of Chikn's face.

Still, Chikn didn't respond.

Bezel started to get frustrated. "Listen, Chikn. You should be happy that this happened! You should be glad that you finally got to use your godly powers to your biggest potential! You should be PROUD!" Bezel tried to sound as motivational as possible.

"Proud?" Chikn said in an enraged tone. "I should be PROUD?"

"Woah, there, buddy!" Bezel yelped. "There's no need to bark at me like that! How rude!"

Chikn was looking directly at Bezel's face. Bezel had seen Chikn angry before, but this was the first time the anger was directed at him. It was truly terrifying. Still, Bezel tried not to show his fear to the deity. After all, dogs can detect fear. Well, that's what Bezel thought. Despite being the god of time itself, Bezel was about as bright as a digital watch with a broken screen.

"I'm not proud!" Chikn roared. "I ruined my friend's lives without them even knowing it! I destroyed everything and everyone that I've ever loved and ever known! I'm NOT proud! I'm ashamed of myself! I'm a LOSER!" Chikn's anger had led to a ring of fire developing around him and Bezel.

Bezel turned his back to Chikn. "You don't understand, do you?" Bezel whispered to Chikn. "I set this up! Your world was so boring before! It was just the same jokes repeated over and over and over again! You can only laugh at the same jokes so many times! It was HORRIBLE! I HATED IT!"

Chikn couldn't believe what he was hearing. 'You hated seeing me happy?" Chikn asked.

"Not just that, bird-dog!" Bezel hollered. "I realized how un-special everything was. I wished there was a way to fix it, and then it hit me!" Bezel continued rambling on, pacing back and forth in front of the confused and irate Chikn. "I came to your world to get you and everyone else in your world into finally doing something interesting for once, and guess what? IT WORKED! I finally enjoyed it, and so many others behind the fourth dimension did as well! It was a spectacle! The trauma, the drama, the horror, everything about it was great! You became so much better than your boring old self! That's why you should be proud!"

Chikn was trembling with rage. He loved the way life was before Bezel arrived, and apparently, people hated that. How was that a bad thing? He didn't understand. He just couldn't help but let out the loudest, most anguished scream he had ever let out. He roared as his body transformed into an abstract mess of shapes and colors. It was so unbelievable that even Bezel didn't want to look at it.

What happened after? Well, stay tuned...

[dreambones]

Vent under read more, feel free to ignore.

Lyrics AJR "Karma"

I am not looking for messages, or pity or encouraging comments, just screaming into the void.

I hate my art, I wish I didn't feel the need to draw so I could just drop it and forget about it, Ive been hoping I find something else to do so I can just drop it, but Im not good at anything. My art is bad even after all this years of constant trying and practice and drawing over and over, my games suck just as bad to the point I cant convince people to play even when I give them for free. I hate my art style, it looks broken and a kid could do it better, and no matter how hard I try I cant change it to something better. I dont have good stories to tell, not even memorable character designs, everything I do is a cliche and not even the good kind.

I keep fooling myself I just have to work harder and things will eventually change, but I keep walking backwards instead of forward and havent done any meaningful progress in years and I fear Ive reached the limit of my abilities and there's no future progress for me, some people succeed at art and others just fail and maybe is time I admit to myself that this is it and there's nothing special about me.

There's not a single aspect in my life that has had any sort of progress no matter how hard I try and push, and I am so afraid that this is it and I will die alone without accomplishing anything meaningful in my life feeling I wasted it all despite my efforts.

Im so tired of trying to keep a positive headset and "everything will be fine! its just not time yet", and tired of hearing everything is ok, is no big deal, stop worrying about it, you just have to keep trying. Im so tired of my bad luck, I cant even date successfully, they are always cheating, using me as a plan B, a meanwhile, or Im not pretty enough, not sweet n cute enough, simply nothing interesting about me, Im just the could be worse and settling for this because I cant aim higher. Ive felt stuck since 2020 and nothing I do gets me nowhere and the years keep going with everyone around me growing and getting further in their goals and life while Im just here stuck and stupid like Ive always been.

I cant even have my health as consolation price, Ive been to more doctors in what’s been of the year than the past decade. Ive always been careful with what I eat, I dont drink, I dont smoke, I dont use drugs, I dont even eat that much junk food but none of it mattered and now I have to choose between having to radicalice my diet to very specific things that dont bring me joy, or have a fucked up organ. So that was all for nothing too.

[mymaleficaria]

mthedm ---> mymaleficaria

Hi gang! I've had this blog since high school, but somewhere in college it fell into disuse and disrepair. I've been itching to get back on here, as a space on the internet that's not...ya know *gestures at the Twitter-sized elephant in the room*. But I also wanted to go in with a fresh coat of paint and reintroduce myself to y'all, maybe even make some new friends (or enemies. That could be hot.) A lot has changed!

Wait, why do I follow you?

Statistically, you followed me because of Wolf 359! I was big into podcasts back in the day, WTNV, Wolf 359, all those. I also wrote some Wolf 359 fics and was semi-active on the discord. Still fondly remember the show and might reblog fanart once in awhile, but it's not the direction this blog's going to go, so feel free to unfollow if what up I'm to now isn't your jam.

What's this blog about now?

Wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy? Frankly, I'm ADHD as fuck, so that'll vary by the day, but I have a few fandoms (do we still say fandoms in the year of our lord 2023???) that I've been into lately.

Dimension 20: I started watching D20 a little less than a year ago, and it entirely took over my life. It's just a series that's so robustly funny, wonderfully told, and never fails to make me smile. I'm especially fond of ACOC and Fantasy High.

Dracula Daily: I'm in this shit for the long haul! I think Lucy and Mina should kiss, but that's neither here nor there.

Game of Thrones/HotD: This show ended in a trash fire, but it literally lives in my head rent free. The political intrigue, the drama. Ugh. I'm a targ girlie through and through, so I've been eating up HotD, though it's nowhere near as good imo. Am also currently reading the 1st ASOIAF book.

YA lit/Whatever I'm reading/watching: I've read almost 50 books this year so far, and am frankly, insane. Bonus points for queer reads! Not many people to talk about books to irl, so might ramble about them on here instead. Also watch a lot of random TV drama and some anime.

Writing: I'm a fanfic writer, and a fiction writer in general, so I'll post stuff about writing--complaints, story snippets, link to my fics, etc! Headcanons and all will be found here. I've also copyedited before, which is like writing but if you get even more nitpicky about it.

Personal/Whatever the hell I feel like/My D&D Games: Life happens and sometimes you want to scream into the void. Ramblings, jokes, whatever. I transed my gender in the past few years and sometimes I'm mad about it! I also just graduated college! Madness! I play a lot of TTRPGs, and I'm usually on brainrot for one of my characters at any given time.

Why's your new username that?

One of my favorite book series is The Scholomance by Naomi Novik, and in the series, Maleficaria are the horrifying monsters that threaten to kill the students every day, and what is tumblr if not a place full of vile, evil beings? Plus, it means you all can call me Mal.

Anything else?

Nope! Other than to feel free to drop me a line and say hello, especially if you want to scream about D20. I'm p alone in this brainrot irl, so I'm pretty much always down to talk about the Bad Kids... especially Adaine and Fabian. I'm also always down to take fic suggestions in my asks! This show genuinely lifts me up when I'm down, so sharing it with people is one of my favorite things.

My fics (shortlist):

In Sweetness, There is Violence: Angsty ACOC one-shot about if Ruby had made a different choice in the finale. Obligatory Caramelinda Caramelinda-ing.

the words i speak are wildfires: A HOTD one-shot I intended to be smut, that ended up instead being more like a romantic sapphic moment of healing between Alicent and Rhaenyra. What can I say? I like childhood friends to enemies to lovers.

Stay Stellar: An unfinished (and, very likely, discontinued) 15-chapter high school AU for Wolf 359 that I wrote with an old friend. Featuring some truly crazy shenanigans, a lot of embarrassing Kepcobi moments, and a surprising amount of theatre.

[minti-tales]

Green 💚 True Love's Kiss/Magic Kiss Minti/zero

(I didn't know what a magic kiss was, so I had to look it up. I'm also sorry this didn't turn out the way you probably expected. I don't know what came over me, tbh.)

True Love's Kiss/Magic Kiss Minti/Zero

Not Sprout friendly, sorry! CW: Talk about consent, adult language, adult situation.

Once upon a time, there was light that shined upon the world.

It was light eternal. Perfect, and brilliant, but static. Never moving. There was no reason for it to do anything but shine, after all, shine forevermore upon the sinners of the world.

Then came the Warrior of Darkness, and her friends and allies. Together, they broke the light's hold over the world, and flooded the world with blessed night.

The world was saved. All lived freely in the light and the darkness in equal parts.

The End.

But that wasn't the whole story, was it? Of course not.

The darkness would not be denied, like the light. It would surge forth through the gateways given it, Ascians be damned.

The Warrior of Darkness would need to become the Warrior of Light , and venture into the very home of the voidsent that plagued her home.

Allies to gain, dread lords of the elements to vanquish. There was so much work to be done before anything on this world could be saved.

In the midst of all this, appeared the Memoriate, Zero, lord of their own domain. Theirs was a reluctant home to the voidsent who had nowhere else to go, who saw Zero's strength as refuge.

We were wary of them, at first.

Yes, I was. And rightly so, don't you think?

We had no contract to bind them to our service; our soul was given to another.

There was a symbiotic relationship, found in an encounter in Ul'dah. A soul crystal entrusted to us by a woman of Garlemald. A voidsent of my very own - Altoprima - to help me wield the scythes used by Garleans of old. Where to put them, with everything a Warrior of Light must know: the white mage's creation; the black mage's destruction; rage of warriors past, and...and regret. And honor, and duty, and song, and rage, and Twelve above we can't keep ourselves whole -

For as long as all those held your fancy. You hold a samurai's blade much more closely these days.

Every tool has a time and purpose. What Zero would call "contracts."

Does that belief apply to people, as well?

Later, in Radz-at-Han, when we got into a long talk about how people show emotions - how they show love and appreciation for each other - that was when the kiss happened. When they proposed a contract, just the two of us. When I taught Zero about consent.

They got close to me, just like how they'd seen that Au Ra couple kissing at the Meyhad. One hand pushing me against the wall I was leaning against, the other placed on my breast. Their eyes staring into me, their mouth curled up in a smile, just like the lover had done to theirs. A perfect mimicry. "If I were to forge a contract with you, with the intention of 'making you scream like a whore in my bed,' how would I go about doing this?"

Did it unnerve you, seeing them like this?

Yes. I wished they had some emotion in their voice. Something to reassure me.

They did not make you feel safe.

No.

There it is, come bubbling up to the surface again. 'Safe.' How are we to feel 'safe.'

Can I continue?

Go on. We're listening.

I explained, to the best of my ability, and with trembling voice, that they were scaring me. That they needed to stop. I didn't see Y'shtola nearby - there was Nidhana, I think.

And? Did they?

They stopped, yes. I don't think they realized, I don't know if my fear registered for them. But they stopped. I had to push their arms back, but they stopped. "If the terms of the contract make you uncomfortable, then shall we negotiate something else?" they said in that flat voice of theirs. "Yes," I replied. "At the Meyhane, please."

We spent the rest of the night together talking about consent and safety, at the Meyhane, talking by lantern-light. They were...surprisingly understanding, for a voidsent. I was wary about letting them touch me again, but I did allow a good night kiss. A "contract" to seal our friendship, made better. I wonder if that was wrong.

-----

I have come to respect and trust Zero more, these past months we've spent together. We are colleagues first, growing friends second. I see glimpses of the soul they once were, before the Darkness engulfed the Thirteenth. It is my hope that we can work together and learn from each other, while respecting each others' boundaries.

[my-names-kris]

Shoujo Rei FGOD AU

{Your} instincts start to go crazy,

like a cornered mouse

now, standing in an abyss of despair,

you jumped into the railway crossing

relating to the end of the song. ill explain that there.

> Yes, you’re my friend,

so take my hand

Yes, you’re alone,

you've got nowhere to go, do you?

nightmare talking to error. stating how alone he is, and how he has nobody, so he only has him to lean on.

—But with things like this,

we’re able to love each other

nightmare and error both care about each other, in different ways.

It repeats again;

A flashback, the buzzing cicadas…

And you, who will never come back.

Our matching keychains

are being torn apart for all eternity.

The girl with her pale white skin

that the summer got rid of

I find myself wanting to be possessed by her so much it brings me to tears

ill explain this part at the end. just know that the pale white skinned girl is error.

My true nature starts to break loose

at the start of September,

marked by the ringing of chimes

a flower vase placed on the next target,

and the one who started it... was me

a flower vase being placed on an alive persons desk is basically like saying "youre dead to me". this doesnt exactly happen in this au, but nightmare does send some people after error to hurt him. this is his "true nature", though it isnt done out of malice.

It’s true, you’re to blame—

just look at me and me only

It’s true, you want someone to help you,

don't you?

nightmare comforts error after the attack. this was the reason he had sent the people after him in the first place, so that error would go to him for comfort. nightmare wants errors attention, and he isnt afraid to hurt him for it.

I gently place a kiss

on your drowning hands

nightmare never truly helps error. he only offers comfort. never grabbing him out of the pool hes drowning in, just offering a kiss as he falls.

Those faintly smiling beasts

dig their nails into {you}

until their hearts are refreshed,

and now your skirt is uneven.

A scream that seemed as though it cut off the silence of summer

echoes through the classroom, in the window is the blue sky

error is attacked by almost EVERYONE in the star council. he screams, but they dont stop.

Of course, you're my friend,

so take my hand.

Of course, you’re gone,

and I’ve got nowhere to go.

error had flung himself into the void soon after. this was him "jumping into the railroad crossing" at the beginning of the song. nightmare didnt expect him to do that, so now he doesnt know what to do with himself. error, his everything, was now gone.

If we were able to love each other

in that transparent world—

"if we were to be together again in the void"

It repeats again;

A flashback, the buzzing cicadas…

And you, who will never come back.

Our matching keychains

are being torn apart for all eternity.

The girl with that pale white skin

that the summer got rid of

I find myself wanting to be possessed by her so much it makes me sad

nightmare just wants to see error again. he really does.

You were just transparent,

and pointed at me

as nightmare jumps into the void, its almost like he can see error pointing at him. telling him its his fault things turned out this way.

[poppletonink]

BOOK REVIEW: The Dead Romantics - Ashley Poston

★★★★★ - 5 stars

"Love wasn’t a whisper in the quiet night. It was a yelp into the void, screaming that you were here."

I've got to be honest, this book was not what I was expecting and frankly, I'm not complaining. Based on the cover design and the title, The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston seems like it would fit into the category of your typical Booktok romance books. However, this conclusion is probably quite superficial of me; as they say 'never judge a book by its cover'. Yes, The Dead Romantics probably should be a book trending on Booktok but only from the standpoint of more people should read it.

It follows romance ghostwriter Florence Day, a young woman living in New York having escaped the secrets she left behind in her childhood town. That is because Florence can see ghosts and she may have helped one solve his own murder when she was thirteen years old... and she may have been branded the town weirdo as a result. Not that this was the only reason for Florence being branded a weirdo - her family was pretty much their town's equivalent of The Addams Family: the owners of the local Funeral Home who tend to wear black clothes. While Florence escaped the secrets of her past, she can't escape the problems in her present: Florence has a book deadline and the book is nowhere near finished (mostly because Florence no longer believes in love and consequently cannot write a happy ending). Her new editor, Benji Andor, happens to be extremely attractive (not that this is too much of an issue) but he will not give her an extension on the book deadline. Yet, when the ghost of Benji shows up at her door Florence finds herself with all the time she needed for the book, but also with the issue of having to help him find his way through his 'post-living experience' as she is the only person able to see him. As Benji and Florence spend more time together, they slowly begin to fall for each other, leaving Florence with one question: is love really dead after all?

The characters in this book were amazing and extremely well-written. You really found yourself rooting for them and could live through them via Poston's relatable writing. The characters' emotions and reactions to experiences could leave you feeling exactly the same as them: you feel their sadness, their happiness, and their embarrassment through the incredible writing. I thought the depictions of Florence's grief were really authentic and could be heartbreaking to read at times. It was equal parts a discussion of this grief and a discussion of love. The romance side of this book was great too because even though Benji and Florence only met a week before they began to love each other, their love felt just as real as if they had known each other for years - it was beautiful.

At times, it could be quite predictable - I managed to guess two of the major plot points/twists. However, other pieces of information seemed as though they had been hidden away behind a safe, locked with a passcode that was right in front of you but you just didn't realise what the numbers were for. There were hints of what was to come, but they were things that only seemed obvious in hindsight, once all had been revealed. Simply, it was a really smart book. It gave you enough predictability to make you feel accomplished for having guessed what was to come whilst simultaneously keeping enough under wraps to allow you to have the 'Oh' moments of realisation when you discovered the truth of the plot twists.

Overall, The Dead Romantics was a great read - it had a gothic, Halloween feel to it that would make for a perfect October read, whilst also having the excitement and soppiness of a summer romance read. It's a discussion of grief, of family, of love. It teaches the importance of asking for help and also forgiving yourself for your past mistakes. It was, for me, an unexpected 5-star read but it's a book I'll definitely continue recommending to people in the future.

[waffliesinyoface]

okay so, foreword: i havent actually finished Atelier Ryza 2, i don’t even have the full party yet, so some of this might be actually brought up and/or contradicted at some point and I just haven’t gotten to it yet. But will that stop me? No.

putting this under a readmore because, uh. I meant to just type up one or two paragraphs but then it got away from me!! Whoops!!! This might be completely incomprehensible to people who haven’t played Atelier Ryza but if you haven’t noticed I’m insane and this blog is my tool for screaming into the void.

alright, so, in the time* of Atelier Ryza, alchemy is a forgotten art. Initially, I was like “Oh, it’s probably just not a thing on Kurken Island, because it’s a small farming town in the middle of fucking nowhere, but then in the second game Ryza moves to the capital city and nobody knows what the fuck it is. When you explore the ruins of various fallen civilizations, it’s referred to as “The Art That Transcends Human Knowledge” by ghosts of fallen explorers. It has been lost for a long, long time. 

*(i’m not sure if the atelier games are set in alternate time periods or alternate universes or alternate continents or what, but afaik, with the exception of Pamela, they don’t interact outside of their respective series)

The only other person in the trilogy to know what alchemy is is Empel, who was explicitly the Royal Alchemist of a kingdom in the past. They don’t say which it was, but I’m like 99% sure this is a Van Hohenheim situation where he's like. Stupidly fucking old. I don’t think it was the Klint Kingdom specifically, because he’s still looking for the gates to the underworld, and if he were a high ranking member in their society, he would’ve known where they were? But given the Klint Kingdom was the last major civilization before Ryza’s time, and nobody knows what alchemy is now, I’m willing to bet he predates them.

Given his animosity for anything involving the Klint Kingdom though – him refusing to use the recipe for the prosthetic because they made it, the way he takes pleasure in atomizing any Klint ruins he finds in the Underworld (in the DLC), etc – I’m going to bet that he feels responsible for them, in some way.

Canonically, what we know is that at some point in the past, he was the Royal Alchemist of an unspecified kingdom. He made some explosives for someone without knowing what they were going to do, got implicated in the coup d’etat they attempted with those explosives, and has been wandering since then. At this point, he’s likely not as naive anymore, but he’s not exactly bitter yet. 

Here’s where we get into speculation: based on his appearance/personality/fundamental desire to help people, I’m willing to bet that he was an actual teacher at some point. He stumbled onto the Klint Kingdom in its early stages, saw that they didn’t have alchemy, so he taught people how to use it so that they could better their lives. (Like, for example, giving them the ability to desalinate sea water and make it drinkable.) The Klint Kingdom becomes a major alchemical power. Which means they use it for everything - not just tools, but weapons, and armor, and portals to other worlds. He doesn’t just hate the Klints for colonizing the Underworld, he hates them because he made it possible for them to do that. 

There’s a time period between the end of the Klint Kingdom and when he met Lila. Given the way he reacted to their recipe for a prosthetic arm, I’m willing to bet he wasn’t just wandering around in that time. Alchemy caused the coup d’etat that led to his exile? Alchemy led to both the rise and fall of Klint? Fuck alchemy. No one gets to learn it anymore. He’ll go to every castle, every library, every fortress he can find, and burn it all to the ground. Clearly, humans can’t be trusted with this. 

There’s a possible play on words in japanese, even – alchemy is 錬金術 - renkinjutsu - whereas “forbidden technique” is 禁術 - kinjutsu. So, you could theoretically* write alchemy as 錬禁術 ? IE: swap out the kanji for gold with the one for forbidden. I don’t think they ever actually do that, but like. The potential is there.

(*i only know a tiny smattering of japanese, forgive me if this actually mangles the pronunciation)

At this point, Empel is like. Extremely bitter. Yeah, he’ll go around saving people when shit hits the fan, but he’s not going to be friends with them. If people ask, he’ll tell them he’s an alchemist, but he doesn’t explain what that means. People see him use bombs and he’s like “its magic. don’t worry about it.” He distances himself from townsfolk, he has contingency plans for getting run out of town, etc. Whether that’s because he thinks people are scumbags or because he thinks of himself as poison who deserves it is up to interpretation.

So, when he sees Ryza and co. getting their asses handed to them by a giant weasel, he’s obviously gonna help out, right? Just throw one bomb at it, then carry on. No reason to stick around, no reason to get attached, etc. But then... Ryza comes back and asks about alchemy. He sends her off on a fetch quest to get her out of his hair, and this doesn’t even dissuade her a little bit. She’s bright and cheerful and a friendly face who doesn’t immediately regard him with suspicion so he’s not going to tell her to piss off, but he’s not exactly open with her either. So he “teaches” her alchemy. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her no, but surely if she thinks she just doesn’t have the aptitude for it then she’ll give up and go on her way. (Gameplay wise, this just leads into the minigame, but I like to imagine that in-universe it’s a little more complicated than that.) He doesn’t actually explain how to synthesize anything, he just makes a green supplement and says “Okay your turn.”

But Ryza apparently does have a natural talent for understanding the process intuitively, and succeeds. As a teacher, he’s thrilled. She has talent. She could be great. The satisfaction of seeing a pupil do good. But as a person? He can’t. 

His official explanation for why he can’t teach her any more is that his arm doesn’t work and therefore he can’t do anything other than simple alchemy, so she should just learn as she goes. But he doesn’t need to be able to do it to teach it, teaching is largely theoretical. The real reason he doesn’t teach her is because she’s bright, and cheerful, and friendly, and he doesn’t want to taint her. He doesn’t want her to inherit his legacy. She’s got talent and drive and passion and (in his mind) unlike him, she is a good person. So aside from a few pointers and tips, he refuses to actually teach her his methods.

When she makes the prosthetic for him he’s initially furious because he knows that recipe, he knows where she got it from, and he’s despairing because it means she’s following in the footsteps of the Klint Kingdom and it’s all his fault because even that was too much. And then Lila essentially slaps him and tells him to stop being such a fucking dumbass, because no, she’s not. It doesn’t matter where the knowledge came from, she made it because she wants to help people, and it’s what you do with it that matters.

This is both her telling him that he doesn’t have to worry about the tragedies of the past coming about again because Ryza’s not the kind of person who’d let that happen, and also telling him that it’s not his fault. He wanted to help people, and it blew up in his face, but that doesn’t stop him from being a good person too. So shut the fuck up, fix your arm, and stop sulking, you big baby. (she loves him, but he is. frustrating. at times.)

At the end of the game, when you get the core of the queen and can make the red stone, he forgets himself and gets excited because imagine the possibilities. The Klint Kingdom used that to make so many of the relics of antiquity, after all. (My justification for why he didn’t know how they pulled it off was because even if he was the progenitor of alchemy for the kingdom, they still went on to research independently after he taught them.) So for a moment, he forgets what happened in the past, and goes mad science mode. 

BUT. RYZA’S A GOOD PERSON. Recreating the marvels of the Klint Kingdom with the same power source? The thing made from the queen after devouring large swaths of land (and people)? Absolutely not. If she used it to try and recreate the tech of that era, it would mean the tech would be dependent on the same source. You can’t do alchemy without gathering materials, and if the things she makes require that as a material, the pattern would repeat again, and the mistakes of the past would be repeated. 

She’ll use it to fix the power source on Kurken Island, but only because it needs to be fixed right now, and that’s what it runs on. But it’s only a stopgap measure until she can figure out how to make something better. No one else knows what the generator runs on, no one else will know how it was done, and it won’t happen again because she’s going to make something better her own way. So the Klint Kingdom had fancy artifacts? Fuck it, who needs ‘em.

If he had taught her alchemy, she might have fallen for the same pitfalls that past alchemists were prone to, because it clearly already works. But she’s spent months coming up with her own recipes, her own methods, so the idea of falling back on someone else’s work, especially when it leads to this? Nope. Not gonna happen. The student has surpassed the teacher. And Empel couldn’t be more proud.

[zumpietoo]

When some bitchy sock accounts decide to publicly troll/send hate and get called on it.....all the world’s bunched panties:

Once again, I absolutely haattteeee defending Babyman, but, he’s actually right here and you’re completely wrong. He’s “dramatic” because y’all post vile, mouth foaming gibberish where he has to see it, insulting him and the rest of the show’s crew, all because you aren’t getting your preferred pretend couple....and, hilariously, it’s because your kween is a dumb, slutty cunt. 

And while IDK if that’s true for the cast, if it is??? How does that make it okay? Plus FT whined everywhere when she chose to piss off OG BH stans----and currently, because you like her, you’re fine with her having been an ass.....so, again, nooopppppee....

Ummm....pretty sure in 15 years he’ll be fine and you’ll be screaming somewhere about not having gotten your way, Kettlebullshitchip.

From the bitch who whines endlessly....plus here’s a thought....how do YOU feel when others point out YOUR complete lack of talent as a fic writer? Yeah, we know, freak out, martyr yourself, etc.....so why, again, does one set of rules apply to you and not to him? 

Plus we’re talking about you’re reduced to this level when anything remotely less than ebullient praise pops up. You guys (and we all know it was you) posted hate. ON his public account.

Ummm.....dude.....your depiction of Ted is ltierally yourself. And you’d be pissed regardless of how he turned off or on comments. 

Says the gaslighter who routinely throws tantrums, pushes racism and openly lies about “scuttlebutt”....and then gets pissy when it’s pointed out to her....

Dude, you’re the preschoolers...

And actually, no, all the writers react like this and, again, why are you acting like it’s cool to send hate at all? Oh right, cuz you do it....

He’s talking about the crew....and yeah, they do work the equivalent of Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle’s work days....

Ummm....dude, he’s a lead writer on a network show (and was before), you write abysmal fanfic. I agree he sucks, but I don’t think you get to give HIM “career tips”.....that said, I wonder how they’d react if peeps starting posting negative comments on their fics?

First off, no....he’s an asshole, etc....but this was RAS’s OG plan AND your kween is why this happened. Secondly? If you’re merely “moderately interested”, why are you here, why did you send me hate so I blocked you and why did you block me? 

That’s a lot of work for some show you’re only casually invested in. And, again, sending anybody hate is wrong. The end. 

A) WTF is she even saying? She’d laugh if he was dying?

B) Ummm.....he’s allowed to have SM, dude.....it, again, isn’t exclusively for yourself and your GG friends to bully people with. And he’s entitled to enjoy it/post what he likes, etc....

C) Why do you scream into the void, post hate, etc when you know it’ll get you nowhere? Or think anybody GAF if you’re happy or not?

Again, being teenagers doesn’t entitle them to be hateful assholes. Funny how this is lost on you.

Again, they aren’t exempt because they’re teens.....you don’t get to be an asshole because you want to be or aren’t 18. And, again, we see your reactions any time something critical is sent to you....

Ummm.....dude, if you don’t like what he’s saying/think it’s boring, maybe don’t go read it? Plus, no, him posting shit you don’t like doesn’t entitle you to send hate.....in fact, by this express argument, I guess you’ll be fine with peeps sending you hate on anon? 

And LBR, it’s his JOB to do this....and, again, I hate Babyman, but you guys are in the wrong. 

Ummm....so you’d be fine about that and then peeps posting vile comments about your “work” publicly? I bet if your “clients” (I really question this) were even remotely critical, you’d throw a hissy fit. 

Plus, not the same fucking thing, you idiot. And he was talking about the crew. Again....maybe you should work on reading comprehension....

And yet you struggle to compose single, declarative sentences, are fine with another writer receiving public hate and actually think PP’s eloquent....dude, I don’t think writing for your 6th grade school paper counts as “journalism”....

Oh and you can’t discern the painful false analogy you’re making.....and are so delusional you think you’re on the same level as the writers and get to dictate story lines and terms....

No he doesn’t “hate his job”, he hates receiving vile public hate from assholes....and I say this, again, as somebody who largely thinks he sucks. Love how, again, you think you know everything.

Ummm....he’s doing promo for the show/his job....why does he need to tailor what he posts to please you? And where’s this outrage at your kween when she shoots off HER yap?

Again, maybe peeps should just not post hate? This is literally like the reverse of the “instead of teaching girls to manage male aggression, teach boys not to assault them”.....instead of insisting Babyman “turn the other cheek”, maybe don’t post vile comments?

Ummm.....slizzypinto, grammar check!!! Are you also a “boss at a well known journalism”?

If this were true, feel bad for him....buuuutt....again, he’s not the one posting hate (where he has to see it) and then convincing himself he’s entitled to be an asshole. Which would be childish....

Also, kettlebullshitchip, your grammar is bad....interesting. 

Actually it’s there all the fucking time. And, again, there’s no excuse for it. And, honestly, that’s quite rude. And that it’s only a few assholes, also does not excuse it. 

Plus, wow, your grammar keeps getting worse and worse.....journalism/copywriter indeed.....

Plus so you want to meet him and terrorize him? And think it’ll be cool if you do so? Gross.....

[stilinskiderek]

just gonna jump the gun on the ask game - 01 for our favorite teen wolfs

OH LETS GOOOOO this took me a while to answer because i have been formulating . i've been ideating. none of this will be a shock . but i have so much to say.

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: DEREK HALE completely unsurprisingly. Literally from season 1 episode 1. I love him so much.

Least Favorite character: THEO RAEKEN Even in my rewatch I didn't like him, which makes him okay as a villain but I don't even really like him as a villain. also started my teen wolf rewatch when i was rewatching pll and kept calling him mike.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): STEREK literally from day 1 also. The only fic i read for teen wolf is sterek. SCISAAC also from the first time i watched the show. there's something so special to me about scott and isaac together i love them so much STALIA i didn't actually like them together when i first watched the show but rewatching it??? holy shit. they were so so so so good for each other and it broke my heart when they broke up. one of the scenes in s5 where malia says she knows stiles had to kill one of the chimeras but 'it didn't matter' /didn't affect how much she cared about him so she didn't bring it up??? holy shit. that paired with 'i would never leave without you' GOD I LOVE MALIA TATE STYDIA spoilers for a show that ended in 2017 but i did in fact cry when they ended up together. dont forget i love you?? bitch im going to scream ALLYDIA i got one of my friends to start teen wolf and they sent me a message like midway through season 1 and said 'do people ship allison and lydia?" and the answer is yes. me. i'm people.

Character I find most attractive: DEREK HALE also 'character most frequently covered in blood' and 'character most likely to be in distress'

Character I would marry: DEREK HALE i mean. come on.

Character I would be best friends with: ISAAC LAHEY he is SO important to me and i loved him even more with rewatching the show. someone please be nice to him.

a random thought:

An unpopular opinion: I FUCKING LOVE SCOTT MCCALL . i know a lot of people dont! i understand! but i love him so much. scott is probably my second favorite character in the show. he is . chefs kiss. a lot of that also comes from loving tyler posey. + i am GENUINELY excited for the movie. I know most people are not! i am. if you ask yourself 'who asked for this movie?' the answer is tumblr user stilinskiderek. i asked.

My Canon OTP: STALIA not a ship that lasted but my favorite canon ship ever. i loved them together so so much and i missed their dynamic in season 6

My Non-canon OTP: SCISAAC HEAR ME OUT i know i have a sterek url i also love sterek BUT i think Scisaac could've been made canon so easily whereas sterek couldn't have. I GENUINELY think if Isaac was a female character he would've ended up with Scott. Their personalities worked so so well together and I really think they could've been canon!!!

Most Badass Character: DEREK HALE like for the sheer number of times this man has brushed death and survived. jesus CHRIST.

Most Epic Villain: VOID!STILES the other characters having to fight with a person they were FRIENDS WITH?? stiles is scott's BROTHER like holy SHIT. god. the emotional turmoil. dylan obrien killed it. the divine move is one of my favorite episodes of the entire show.

Pairing I am not a fan of: DRAEDEN it just felt...out of nowhere? and kind of weird? i think because season 4 was when hoechlin wasn't a series regular anymore so derek wasn't a key character in every episode it felt like their relationshp was super rushed and just. didn't fit either one of their characterizations.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): DEREK HALE i could talk about this until the cows come home. i think that derek was not treated with any sort of importance despite being a main character, and i don't think the literal trauma and abuse he suffered at the hands of kate argent was ever properly addressed. a lot of his actions and the way he treats people are obviously based in that experience but there was absolutely NO attempt at resolving it or even really acknowledging it. It should've been something, especially in season 4 with kate coming back, but it wasn't. i'm never going to not be mad about it. in that same vein, i think derek and isaac's relationship could've been way more impactful if the writers gave a fuck about derek. with the other hale betas in s2, jackson, erica, and boyd all have 'real'/biological families they can go home to. jackson's might not be great but he still has somewhere else to go. the only person isaac had was derek, which puts derek begrudgingly into this older brother/dad role for isaac that could've been incredible HAD THE WRITERS DONE ANYTHING WITH IT!! clearly isaac is living in the loft with derek but ?? that's all we ever get. what could've been a really great found family moment was absolutely nothing, and watching the scene in s3 where derek is terrified of the alpha pack coming for him TO THE POINT WHERE HE SENDS ISAAC AWAY TO KEEP ISAAC SAFE makes me so mad because if that relationship had been developed that scene would've been even MORE heartbreaking. isaac is being sent away by the only person he has in the world and that hurts but derek should've also been hurting because he's trying to protect this kid he took in but he can't explain it to him and i just. it could've been the bella/charlie scene in twilight but it wasn't!!!

Favourite Friendship: SCOTT/STILES stiles has scott's back through literally everything and god the scene in motel california with the flare breaks me every single time.

Character I most identify with: LYDIA okay this was hard for me to answer because i identify with a lot of them but in different ways?? then i remembered one time my friend sophie asked me to pick a teen wolf sun/moon/rising sign which i think fits this question. my rising sign is Scott, my moon sign is Lydia, and my rising sign is Malia. I think out of all of them I identify the most with Lydia!! i love her.

Character I wish I could be: DANNY I just want to be adjacent to all of the chaos and observe from afar. the way he knew about the werewolves because nobody can whisper in beacon hills is so special to me. i also love that he's the singular side character who was not made supernatural and did not die, just vibed the entire time.

[ellabbear]

screaming into the void for a sec

i want to be heard, but not by anyone i know irl, so i thought i'd post this here. if you don't want to read a vent post then please scroll past now.

i can sense that every new person i meet finds me weird and off-putting. they can tell i'm autistic, they just don't consciously know it's autism. i don't think any of my friends from school like me or care about me at all anymore, but i also don't think i have a chance in hell of making new ones. the only person other than my boyfriend that i've actually hung out with in the past month (at least) has been my boyfriend's best friend because the three of us play minecraft together. my boyfriend and i are long distance though, so we can't hang out in person without flights and hotels, which we won't be doing again until january because of christmas/new year prices. i don't know how to initiate conversations, socialise with people, or meet anyone even remotely close to my age.

monday to friday i spend all of my daylight hours at work behind a screen, performing my best customer service voice and being treated like i'm worthless by probably around a third of the people i'm being paid to help. all but one of my coworkers are people who i cannot socially go beyond a polite water-cooler conversation with, and the one who i'm slightly closer to i have a big enough age gap with that it'd be considered weird if we hung out (not that they'd even want to). i met someone i could've been friends with at work, and i tried my best, but she left to work a different job and we had little to no conversation via instagram dms so that's a dead end now too.

i can't drive yet and i feel like i've hardly improved with the lessons i have had, but they cost so much money and are so stressful and anxiety inducing that i just want to give up. not being able to drive really limits me in what i can do because of where i live though.

i just feel like a complete failure, like i'm wasting my life and going nowhere. i'm so alone, and i will be until january when my boyfriend can visit for one long weekend again.

[kendrixtermina]

(implosion in the acid rain)

I fucking hate everything

I fucking hate everything

I fucking hate everything

I fucking hate everything

I wish I had never loved or cared about anything and anyone least of all

any of the stupid fucking things that I ever cared about

or was stupid enough to derive joy from

or delude myself into feeling understood by

its just the last fucking straw,

fucking why

fucking why is everyone on this planet a fucking cruel uncaring callous fucking

grindwheel of an entity?

Can't say I'm much better honestly

The entire human race deserves to be

cooked in the heat of its own entrails

during one last big global wet bulb event

I almost wish I had never let myself care about anything at all.

I wish was born some solitary slug-eel and never had to worry about

anything to do with touch and the associated capacity to hurt others.

Everything in this world is just so fucking

ugly and low and debased and lacking in redeeming features,

including, it seems, some of the few people that i thought understood this

I cannot do it anymore

blah blah blah in defense of

someone who never fucking cared about

me feeling understood by them

or what I in my idiocy

chose to make them symbols for

of course not, as I always knew

that they never fucking cared about us

just like nobody else ever fucking cares about anyone

everyone just wants their fucking dicks & clitorises sucked

and their ego praised

and their precious benjamins

do not forget them

i fucking hate fucking everything

especially whatever stupidity compelled me to

invest any emotional attachment into some stupid idea of something beautiful

meaningful

it’s not the first time that I got it rubbed in my face how much

nothing of me is special or has any meaning or is going

into any significant sort of direction

but it’s the first time that I’ve really understood:

no one cares no one understands we are all utterly alone screaming in the uncaring void

everything is shit

especially the little things that I in my blind folly mistook for

things that were not shit

this universe is but one grand diseased fucking colon

it’s not the ones who say I’m wrong,

but the sorts of types who said I’m right

that showed me well why I can’t be

you pull apart this story until its meaningless gibberish

but only in one direction

you dont know what happened either

what makes you think its not the ones I loved that are the liars?

but its not pleasant to admit how one was duped into actually caring

and that the beautiful art you thought you saw was just an illusion

heck, theyre probably all just assholes

both the ones agreeing and the ones shaking their heads

i wish this fucking universe would implode already

for i dont hate them,

thats the funny part

i cant bring myself to hate them,

i just dont fucking care about anything anymore

And they have the gall to whisper in my ear

‘Is it not better to have love and lost’? The cliche-acity!

Let me interrupt you right there.

Its better not to love.

100% definitely zero doubt

if my life taught me one thing its this

it is better not to love.

everything you love is like a joke the punchline of which is going to be your fucking feelings

still, if you asked my counsel,

I was probably going to tell you that

i wouldnt destroy the art quite yet,

maybe just put it away for a moment

while you can’t look at it.

its much harder to un destroy

You were my favorite, you know?

With your calm, knowing words and your windward hints of music,

blond hair and thick glasses and the smell of old books

and beach sand in creases

There is nothing good in this world.

I'm just

not going to have any fucking opinions anymore

and never get attacked to another work of art ever again, o

or love anything fucking else ever

I understand now that I am not special,

that I am not part of no narrative

and that I’m going nowhere

I am just going to fucking die

and it will mean nothing

all the dreams I had will probably

go well enough unsung

I am nothing, nothing, not ever going to be anything

the sad thing is that despite everything,

i cannot help but feel that there is still a little bit of you

that is beautiful.