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ameliidarling · 3 years ago

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take him to the moon for me

Warnings: Heavy Angst, Suicide, Unrequited Love, Definitely NOT a Happy Ending, Amnesia, Major Character Death

Relationships: Intrulogical, Creativitwins

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Chapter 1: Fading Away

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Remus stared at the void in front of him.

He stood at the precipice of a ravine, so deep that you couldn’t see the bottom. He was basically teetering at the edge of the entrance, one gust of wind and he would’ve fallen in.

Remus still remembered the day he and Roman finally succeeded in creating it. They had been trying for days to make a somewhat functional replica of the “Memory Dump” from the Inside Out movie, and after several trial and errors, they had done it. Remus felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him when he remembered the way his brother had hugged him.

Oh, Remus remembered those days.

The days when he and his brother created things together. Beautiful things. Things they could both be proud of. The days when his brother smiled at him. A real smile, not the malicious smirk he flashed Remus whenever he landed a hit in one of their duels.

But those days were over.

And now Remus stood at the crevice of his once most cherished creation. A shiver wracked through his spine as he felt a cold gust of wind come up from the pit. He rubbed his arms in an attempt to warm himself, but then let them drop back to his sides when he realized it was probably unnecessary, considering he’d be a cold,dead corpse soon.

That’s right. Remus was going to die here.

After Virgil left, Janus had always told Remus that they would get him back… but then Janus left too.

Obviously, Remus tried to talk to him, but everytime Remus would show up, Janus was always with someone. Usually Remus wouldn’t care and just drag Janus to a corner, but the others would just yell at Remus to “go away, we’re watching a movie” so Remus would have no choice but to just leave.

He tried to distract himself from his loneliness by scaring the ‘Light Sides’, but they weren’t scared of him anymore. Sure, they were disgusted when he pulled his eyeballs out from his sockets, but now they knew it wasn’t real. They knew that he could go back to normal. And just as he was going to turn his skin inside out so that all his bloody organs would fall in a pile on the kitchen floor, Janus stopped him and told Remus to go to his room, and the others thanked him.

Janus took their side...over Remus.

That’s when Remus knew that Janus wasn’t coming back. They had accepted him now, and Remus was left all alone. First, his own brother. Then, his closest friend. And now, he lost the closest thing to a family he ever had. Remus had nothing to lose.

Nothing except himself.

So Remus threw his head back to stare at the bright blue sky. He closed his eyes, letting the sun shine down on his face, his mustache blowing in the wind.

He spread out his arms, turned away from the ravine, leaned back, and let himself fall.

He kept falling and falling, cold air rushing against his back. And as he fell, he felt tears fall from his eyes and float up, like bubbles, above him. He gently touched the floating tears, and they spread out in the air and cooled the tips of his fingers.

He chuckled and threw his head back again, spreading his arms out once more. He knew he’d been falling for a while. And once he neared the bottom, he would have already faded away. Just like Bing Bong, except this time, no one would remember him. Not Thomas, Sont Roman, or Virgil, or Janus, or Patton, or Logan.

Oh, Logan…

Remus felt a twinge of pain in his chest at the thought of the nerd. Remus and Logan never really talked or hung out much, but the few times that they did, Remus had been so smitten.

Remus wouldn’t say he was ‘in love’ persay. More like, Remus really liked the way Logan talked about how the death of our sun was inevitable and when that happens, our earth would slowly die, along with the human race if we are unable to find a replacement planet. And Remus also really liked the way Logan’s eyes would light up whenever they dissected the mutant frog Remus had created in his sleep. And the way that Logan would always immediately brighten up when Remus mentioned astronomy in any way. And the way Logan would discuss with him the best way to get rid of dead body, and they would talk about their favorite murder mystery book, and the most recent Buzzfeed Unsolved video that Remus had watched, and then Logan would decline his offer to watch an episode because “that show his ridiculous, Remus, there are no such thing as “ghosts”’ and --

Okay, so maybe Remus did like him a little, but it was no big deal. He wasn’t exactly good at romance. That was Roman’s job. And besides, there’s no way Logan would ever like him back. He was Logic for crying out loud. Why would he like the embodiment of chaos and disorder?

Anyway, there was no point now. It was already too late.

It didn’t matter anymore if Logan made Remus feel like he had ten thousand maggots squirming around in his stomach whenever he smiled a little. It didn’t matter if Remus’s heart always felt like it would beat a thousand times faster whenever Logan fiddled with his tie, or adjusted his glasses. It didn’t matter anymore that Logan was the only who listened to Remus anymore, and that made him want to give Logan his beating heart on a platter to dissect and experiment on if he wanted to.

None of it mattered anymore.

Remus knew that he couldn’t tell Logan how he really felt, because the nerd hated feelings and would probably cut Remus off like an abnormal skin growth, and Remus couldn’t bear that. But he still wanted to say goodbye, so he left a note.

It was cliche, and Remus hated cliches. Cliches were Roman’s job.

But Remus felt like Logan deserved that much, before he forgot about the Duke completely.

------------------

Remus could already tell that he was starting to fade away. His hands grew numb and the tips of his fingers were becoming see-through.

The entrance of the pit was so far away that it looked like a small white line in a pitch-black sky. Remus didn’t know how long he’d been falling, but he was starting to get a bit bored. He tried conjuring something, but most of his hands were already gone.

He sighed.

Remus tried to keep himself preoccupied with his thoughts, but considering who he was, that was probably a bad idea.

For a while, his mind was flooded with the usual gruesome thoughts-- giant squids, cryptids, poop, baby birds being eaten, more poop, etcetera etcetera-- but then it turned into memories of his brother and the other ‘Dark Sides’. He thought about the time he taught Virgil how to put on eye shadow. He remembered the times he and Janus would bake in the kitchen, back when things were simpler and Jan would let Remus add some of his own ingredients, so long as they were edible. He remembered when he and his brother would play heroes.

They were both the good guys, and they both believed it.

But that was then. Now, they both knew Remus wasn’t a hero. He was the “evil twin”. He was the monster under your bed that your parents never believed existed. He was not to be praised, or worshipped. He was to be feared. But he couldn’t even do that right. Nowadays, he’s the annoying pop-up ads on porn sites. The spam bots in the comment section that gave your device a virus. Everybody knew he was bad, but he couldn’t do anything to you if you just ignored him. Which they did.

Remus felt more and more of his body fade away. His arms, his feet, legs, half of his lower torso.

He thought about Thomas, and how happier his life is gonna be now that he could finally get a full nights’ rest. Thomas didn’t need Remus. He had Roman. Roman could take him far, help him achieve his dreams and live his life to the fullest.

Yeah…

Roman could make Thomas happy.

That was all Remus needed to feel at peace.

As the last of him faded away, and he neared the bottom, he had one last thought.

A request to the brother he still loved.

‘Take him to the moon for me, brother’

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k7l4d4 · 4 years ago

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Two New AUs (Loud House & Amphibia)

Today I am rolling out two new AUs for all you folks looking for something to help fill the hole in your lives that only inspiration can! ...That was too over the top and I apologize for it. First off, my Loud House AU, Ring Me Up!

Did somebody call for a hero!? I had an idea for DC Crossover with The Loud House, and I was hoping to share it with everyone. Has anyone heard of the H-Dial? Not to worry for those who haven't, as I will explain! The H-Dial, also called the Hero Dial, is a device that allows someone to tap into a location known as the Hero-Verse, a dimension where every possible superhero that ever was, is, or will be, no matter how improbable, is connected. By dialing HERO, the wielder of the H-Dial can turn into any hero throughout the Multi-Verse! But it's totally random, so you can get either something totally amazing, or incredibly bizarre, and the second is far more likely unfortunately. Enter Lincoln Loud, a seemingly ordinary boy with a less than ordinary family who find the H-Dial. The version he finds is a bit different, as it is an experimental proof-of-concept with an unusual nature; rather than turn the wielder into a hero, it turns someone close to the wielder into one instead! To use it, Lincoln enters HERO into the Dial, and then presses a number. 1: The Determined, heroes with nothing special to them, with either very weak powers or none at all, they became heroes due to the hard work they put in and nothing less. The avatar of this number is Lori. 2: The Gentle, heroes whose greatest strength isn't their powers, but rather their compassion and connection with others, they will reach out to save anyone, even a villain. The avatar of this number is Leni. 3: The Gifted, heroes who were lost in life, without purpose or direction, until something or someone not only inspired them to be more, but gave them the ability to do it. The avatar of this number is Luna. 4: The Manic, heroes who don't always fit in to society, filled with boundless energy, and a though process that is absolutely unique. The avatar of this number is Luan. 5: The Mighty, heroes of strength and prowess, the ferocity within them can never be restrained, whether for good or ill, they invariably have powers that either let them hit, or be hit, harder and longer. The avatar of this number is Lynn. 6: The Tired, heroes who are not accepted by society, defined by the suffering they have endured, they constantly walk the border between the light and the dark. The avatar of this number is Lucy. 7: The Wild, heroes of nature, they aren't afraid to get rough and tumble, and thrive off of what most civilized folks struggle with. The avatar of this number is Lana. 8: The Elegent, heroes who have it all, grace, beauty, power, they constantly battle the temptation to do bad with all that they have, as beneath their beauty lies something twisted. The avatar of this number is Lola. 9: The Brilliant, heroes defined by their minds, who dedicated themselves to using their gifts not just to benefit mankind in the long-term, but the here-and-now as well. The avatar of this number is Lisa. 0: The Future, heroes who embody all the hopes and dreams of a brighter tomorrow, who have walked to the abyss and seen not horror, but unrealized potential and beauty. The avatar of this number is Lily. What do you all think? The above AU requires no hard knowledge of DC Comics, as the only element from DC is the H-Dial, one of the most obscure relics of power in all of DCU Publishing History!

The next AU is for Amphibia, and is what I like to call, Alone Together. Note: This is meant to be a Superhero Reconstruction AU, in which the idea is to breakdown the premise and uplifting notions of comic books heroes, and then build them back up. Here we GO!!! Also, the name of the AU is Gifted Calamities.

Long ago, the Outer Rulers were, well, bored. They had existed for so long, experienced so much, that they struggled to find anything to break the monotony of their immortal existence; it would not be wrong to say that they had been driven mad from boredom!! Yet, soon, they came across a world, just starting to fill with life, and thought of an idea. They had experienced so much, why not make something instead? Falling to the world, which had only just started developing its civilizations, they came upon its people, the humans. With mischief and intrigue within whatever counted for them as hearts, they blessed upon the simple race three gifts: Wisdom, Strength, and Heart. With the seeds of their entertainment planted, the Outer Rulers vanished, eager to see what fruits would bloom under the labor of their unknowing pawns.

As humanity found the Three Gifts, they were enthralled; with Wisdom, no knowledge was beyond their understanding, with Strength, no feat was too daring to accomplish, and with Heart, no soul was beyond salvation. But as with all power, there came those who coveted it for themselves and themselves alone; the Order of the Hungry Beast. This ancient brotherhood found the power as enthralling as their brethren, yet where the others saw beauty, they saw only their most depraved wants and whims come to life. With Wisdom, no scheme could fail, with Strength, no nation could not be conquered, and with Heart, no soul could not fall under their sway. As the Order grew in influence, they encroached upon the Gifts, drawing them deeper and deeper into their clutches. Yet, one day, a young nomad, gifted in the ways of Heart, came upon them in the dead of night, as they schemed to kill the village that held the Gifts and seize them for themselves. Horrified, the nomad, roared in alarm, her furious shriek rousing the village to action. Coming in droves, the humble village, tasked for all these years with guarding the Three Gifts, stormed outward, horrified to see that the members of the Order, those they called brother, sister, mother, father, son, and daughter, were plotting against them.

A great clash rocked the land as the Order of the Beast and the Villagers, headed by the young Nomad, battled to decide once and for all how the power of the Gifts would be used; would they be gifts of wonder, bringing humanity closer together, or gifts of strife, driving humanity against one another in eternal darkness? As more and more members of each side fell, the Nomad looked on in sorrow; for every one of the Order who were taken, three or more of the villagers were lost. It was a battle of attrition, one that they were losing! What could be done? Yet, over the din and cacophony of battle, the Nomad could here two fierce cheers; the young inventress, barred from the conflict due to a broken leg, and the chief guard’s apprentice, who volunteered to protect the children, both yelling to the heavens: “Don’t give up. You haven’t lost. You can still win. We believe you will win, so win!” As the Nomad, heard them cheer, her heart filling with joy and resolve, something... sparked.

Just as the feeling came, it quelled at the sight of two soldiers from the Order rushed the cheering onlookers, hell-bent on silencing their voices that bolstered the hearts and resolve of the Villagers. As her heart filled with dread at the no doubt bloody sight to come, the Nomad reached out, screams of warning resting on her lips, only to fall silent as the two cheering onlookers sprung into action; the injured inventor pulled a peculiar apparatus, and launched a bolt of sharpened wood into the soldier nearest to her, and apprentice guard sprung into action, crashing down onto the hapless enemy with a fierce grin. Both turned to the Nomad, seemingly seeing her across the carnage and chaos of the battle field, and nodded. As the spark once more burned into her heart, the Nomad turned to the oncoming hoard of Soldiers and said this: “You may rage and struggle, lash out and torment with your cruelty and selfishness all you like. But you will never win. Not because we are stronger than you, that we are more than you, but because, unlike you, we have not forgotten the first Gift humanity ever had. The Gift of HOPE!” With a roar, hearts filled with the Hope burning through the Nomad’s cry, the Villagers, resolve honed into an unstoppable force, leapt into the final clash.

It was over. The Villagers had one. With the final rally of the Nomad, they pulled together the strength to break and scatter the cowardly Order. Yet, in the end, the victory was bitter-sweet. The Nomad, a kind stranger who none knew the name of, had fallen in battle, the corpse of the Order’s leader cooling beneath her. The apprentice guard, so full of life and fire that drew all into her orbit, died standing, guarding the door to the children held within, the corpses of all who tried to cross the threshold piled around her, unwavering in her duty even in her death. The inventor, heedless of her injuries, had lured a platoon that had broken into the Hold into her workshop, and collapsed it all around them, a defiant smile beaming across her face. As the Villagers took stock of the ones who had given so much for them, a noble stranger who could’ve left them to their fate, an absent-minded inventor who constantly worried the village with her studies sacrificed her prized inventions, that which she held more sacred than even her own life, to fell the enemy, and the young guard who went above and beyond her duty for those she loved, they knew what must be done. Taking the Three Gifts and the bodies of their three heroes, the Villagers committed all to fire, both to honor those who gave them their future, and to keep the Gifts from EVER falling into the hands of the Order and their selfish crusade. The Gifts were destroyed, the heroes bodies lost. All they had to do was pick up the pieces.

Thousands of years have passed, and a new era has dawned. The Gifts have returned, as has the order. The only question is: what happens now?

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lothirielswan · 5 years ago

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“Pastry Crimes” [20]

Join the journey on AO3!

Quest Objective: Save the mages (I’m talking to you, Thedas).

My feet squeaked on the tile as I came to a stop. The world felt hazy around me, like I was trapped in a dream--or a most terrible nightmare.

He knows.

My boots let out another shriek as I spun on my heel. Grand Magister Rommath’s face was mostly unreadable, but his stare was as watchful as stars in the night sky.

“How…” My voice was far more scratchy than normal. “how did you know?”

The Grand Magister seemed a lot taller than he did before. Intimidating. Threatening. My wild imagination twisted reality and I suddenly felt like I was standing before my own Vampyr, draped in blood-soaked robes, barring his sharp fangs. I wanted to run, and when I realized why I couldn't, my legs trembled.

I was terrified.

My family was filled with social pariahs, but I had kept one part of that lineage secret. It was one less thing I had to worry about on a new planet. Now the flat of the blade called vulnerability slid across my skin with a cool caress. I’m the daughter of the so-called monster and the faraway coward. I am the spawn of the outcasts of Outland. And it has come back to bite me in the ass.

“I had my suspicions...the Black Prince confirmed them.” Rommath said.

The daughter of a traitor was betrayed...how ironic. I didn't have to believe Rommath’s words, but I knew the truth had a habit of stinging. It was searing in my chest now.

I couldn't decide between fidgeting with my fingers or fixing every strand of hair on my head. I settled for crossing my arms across my torso, steeling myself for how bleak my life was about to become. “Are you going to kill me, then?”

“No.”

“Are you going to arrest me?”

“I should.” Rommath mimicked my actions as his bare arms folded across his chest.

I loathed the new position that Wrath had put me in. Rommath knew my secret, which meant he had leverage. He had power over me. Wrathion had placed me on his chessboard, and now I was stuck taking his punishment for the game.

A banging started in my head. Only when Jaina spoke did I realize it was her footsteps on the stairs as she fled down them. Her blue skirts fanned around her like choppy waves.

Blue.

Kalec.

My inhale was deep and painful as I looked up at Jaina. She had no idea of my lineage. I preferred to keep it that way, but Kalec came first.

“What are you doing? We need to move!” Jaina’s voice was back to it’s grim determination, young yet aged, and she grabbed my arm as she passed.

I glanced back at Rommath one last time. What would he do next? Inform Sylvanas, and lead her to the peak of anger towards me? Set me up to an impossible task, bound to his will?

I had no clue. And the unknown clawed at my insides like a caged beast as Jaina blinked away from the Violet Citadel.

We suddenly appeared before the thick double doors of Violet Hold. Two guards stood at attention, adorned with troubled expressions as Jaina approached.

“Questions will be answered later. Double the patrols of the city.” Jaina shouted orders like a veteran general and strode with the grace of the tides. The two guards raced down the coral ramparts. Jaina and I stopped before the crippled metal doors.

“Prisoners will spread across Dalaran. I informed council members Ansirem, Karlain, and Vargoth. We will rescue Kalec, and join them in the fight on the streets. We keep this as covert as we can.”

At least one of us has it together. Jaina really does deserve a vacation. After this, maybe Kalec can send Jaina to some island getaway where she can smell a bunch of books--and I’ll send her a danish. Oh, food. I miss the comfort of food right now--dammit, stomach, not now! Kalec and my future are on the line!

Jaina pointed her staff at the entrance and the doors shuddered. The battered doorway was forced open by an incredibly unhappy host, coming to throw out her rude guests.

My eyes adjusted to the darkness quicker than Jaina’s. Embers emitted a weak lavender glow in braizers. My sight felt strained. There was a thickness in the air when I breathed in. I had become accustomed to the air saturated with magic as I stayed in Dalaran, but this was different. It was like trying to breathe underwater as something foreign filled my lungs.

My hands immediately went to my goggles, securing them on my face to mask the glow of my eyes. The shadows welcomed me with open arms, and I greeted it with both knives in my grasp.

I glanced back at Jaina. The glow of her staff was the brightest object in the room; she was a lighthouse, searching the ebony seas for Kalec.

“I smell fel.”

Lord Malgath--I remember him. It's sick and sad that I do.

I sensed something else in the dark with me. I stayed away from the walls and empty cells; being cornered in my profession was a death sentence. I stumbled on something as I backed up into the middle of the room.

“This behavior will not be tolerated.” Jaina’s tone was stern, like an adult addressing a child. “You will return to your cell or face the wrath of the Kirin Tor.”

I did a costly move and glanced down at my feet. Once again, my vision was deceived, like a veil suppressing my view. Inside my leather gloves, my fingers ached from how tightly I held my daggers.

“Ha! The Kirin Tor is nothing to us--beware the might of the Legion!” An orcish voice howled.

Jaina’s eyes blazed with an icy blue light. “Beware of me!”

In one swift motion too perfect for mortals, Jaina pointed her staff at the empty space beside her. The air caught fire and red flames roared.

Lord Malgath’s form was released from the shadows, crying out in pain. I wanted to extract my own hatred on the Legion, but I was onto something. I jammed one of my fists in my pockets and threw a flare at the ground.

Light popped into place like fireworks and the ground was illuminated. Kalec’s dragon form towered over me, drenched in some dark mist.

Stars! I can't get rid of that junk…

“Jaina!” I juggled sharp objects in my hand and blasted my pistol at the fel orc. The archmage looked over at me, the source.

I gestured with my gun at Kalec. “Switch places with me!”

“We’re in battle, Eona! You could use a more formal term--”

“Can you teach me proper grammar and word choice later?” I said and raced back towards the entrance. My words were wispy against the wind and my knives whistled as I gained speed. Jaina ducked as I leapt over the stairs and planted my foot in Malgath’s abdomen.

Jaina went off to undo the warlock’s bonds. I was alone, my mind distracted with thoughts of Rommath and Kael’thas and impending doom.

I wanted to gag as Malgath panted from my blow. His breath carried the heavy stench of the Legion; brimstone and sourness and decay. It made me feel younger and smaller, summoning memories of days long ago when I visited the toxic lands of Shadowmoon Valley.

I was supposed to be fast and fatal. I was supposed to be a tornado, unleashing the ferocious fury of nature in quick, twisting blows. But I was none of those things; I was just a scared kid running around in circles.

My footing slipped and I crashed down the stairs. The sharp edges of the stone cut into my side, promising bruises and slightly cracked ribs. The pain was nothing as my skull knocked against the tile floor. Foreshadowing resonated to intensify the agonizing throb.

“And another so-called hero falls to the Legion,” The orc was cloaked in shadow, but I could imagine the satisfied smirk on his face from his tone.

My fingers hastened back to the depths of my pockets and shook as I tossed a handful of little paper balls packed with ammunition at Malgath’s looming silhouette.

As my to-be murderer was stunned by the popping lights and stinging pain, I yanked my boomstick out of it's holder. I winced as the weapon went off. The sound of Malgath’s corpse hitting the ground followed.

“Jaina,” I called out from my upside-down position, staring up at the inky-black ceiling that threatened to reign over my whole world. “I’ve fallen...and I can't get up.”

Kalec’s half-human, half-elven face hovered over mine. The long tendrils of his hair eerily reminded me of Malgath’s magic. The longer I stared, the more he started to sway...he multiplied into three Kalecs, each of them bearing a look of weariness and worry.

“Before you get on to me about my carelessness and pastry crimes, I have to tell you...what do I have to tell you?” I asked, my eyebrows scrunched together as my thoughts scattered like a pile of dead leaves.

Six Jainas appeared with her braid swaying like part of an old clock. It was a dizzying, hypnotizing motion that made my head spin.

“Are you alright, Eona?” The Jainas asked. Despite the many voices talking, they sounded faint.

“You know…” I held up a finger as I pondered what I wanted to say. “if Khadgar was turned undead by Sylvanas...I think he would be a lot like Beetlejuice. I see it now.”

“...Damn, I broke her. Sylvanas is going to kill me now,” Each Jaina said and pursed their lips. But now all of the copies were fading, and the endless night was taking over.

“Wait...isn't that...isn’t that my line?”

Before I could catch her response, darkness took over.

~Anduin Wrynn, Violet Citadel~

Aunt Jaina desperately needs a vacation. It takes me a while to recall the last time she smiled, or laughed, or a time when her goblet was filled with water instead of a...stronger substitute.

“You look troubled, Your Majesty. You’ve looked troubled for quite some time.”

A larger figure caught up to me in the carpeted halls of the guest suite. The scent of crushed leaves and fresh dirt crossed my nostrils.

Father?

I buried the thought as soon as it came. I didn't have the time nor the strength to dwell on it. The true figure striding beside me was the night elf leader; Malfurion Stormrage. His form was truly unique; from the antlers that rose high above his head to the feathers that billowed down his arms. Malfurion was the embodiment of nature.

I straightened my back and offered him a polite nod. “Thank you for your concern, Archdruid. I learned the look from Lady Proudmoore.”

Malfurion’s lips smiled beneath his owl-shaped nose. I was allowed to utter such remarks in his company; we spared together many times. Playing Hearthstone, of course.

“I’d rather you acquire that than Greymane’s stubbornness,” Malfurion’s voice lowered as we passed closed doors along the way. The halls were lit with faint candles and furnished with violet silk. The pearlish texture of the walls was far more refined than the halls of Stormwind Keep. Dalaran held a faint resemblance to my home, but there was a strange feeling to it; the exotic energies and the endless knowledge. Aunt Jaina was lucky to spend time in such a bizarre place.

Aunt Jaina spoke of some accident that occured, and I was to tend to the victims. Malfurion was given the same orders, and we reported to the Purple Parlor together. When I activated the portal to the tower, a tingling sensation raced across my skin. The magic of mages was thrilling, but I preferred the warmth and peace that radiated in my core when I used the Light.

My gaze flit across the seating area to the three limp bodies. Archmage Khadgar, Archmage Modera, Archmage Aethas...they’re the most powerful mages in Dalaran! What in Azeroth’s name happened here?

Malfurion and I exchanged a look before I walked over to Khadgar. He appeared older from the aging spell, but in this moment, he truly seemed weak and feeble. His skin was pale and his chest rose with uneven breaths.

“Our archmages seemed to have a run in with a Vampyr,” Malfurion gestured with his claws beneath Khadgar’s neck. Two small entry wounds swelled at the base of his throat.

“How did this happen?” I asked. My brows furrowed together as I looked up at the green-haired elf.

“It’s Dalaran, King Anduin. Mages are known for their dangerous practices--you’re questioning the lot that juggles fire with their bare hands.” There was a hint of distaste in Malfurion’s voice when he spoke of them. I chose not to address it.

“So how do we tend to them?” I said.

“Hmm...perhaps you could burn the venom out with the light, and I will remedy the rest?” Malfurion offered. When I nodded, he took a step back, “I’ll restrain the other two. Be careful with that one.”

I kneeled down next to the archmage and pressed my fingers over the two small gashes. I jumped when Khadgar’s eyes flew open.

“You smell…” He sucked in a heavy breath like the air was wine. I didn't budge. I murmured a prayer and a refreshing wave of light flew to my fingers.

I liked to think that I knew Khadgar very well. We exchanged many letters and met secretly during the recent Legion invasion. He was one of the few that did not detest my belief in peace, and did not require me to have the same intimidating presence of Father.

“Anduin…?” Khadgar rasped. His heavily dilated eyes focused on me. “What...where is...where is Eona?”

My face felt hot at the sound of her name. My skin tingled like I was calling upon the Light. I looked down and shook my head. “I don't know, Khadgar.”

Another thought came to me. I glanced back at Malfurion. He was too busy directing the potted plants of the room to restrain the archmages. Khadgar may not remember me asking, with the loss of blood and all. I’ll be lucky if he understands a word I'm saying.

“Eona and Ranger-General Halduron seem close,” I said carefully. “Are they…?”

“No, thank the Light. The whole ‘sexy cheetah’ nickname concerns me,” Khadgar groaned and turned over. I rose to my feet to keep my hands on top of his wound, whispering another prayer. Some color returned to Khadgar’s skin when the light faded in my palms. “But she’s chosen worse.”

I froze. “Chosen worse…?”

Khadgar nodded into one of the pale blue pillows. His voice was muffled as he said, “There was this goblin on Draenor that reeked of sarcasm--but I’ll never get over her first boyfriend. Who names their child Om? Must’ve been a troll thing, or a food craze. He died, found an Alliance banner on his dead body one day.”

My eyes widened. Well then...irony at its finest.

I thought back to my history. Have I been with anyone else, in the romantic sense…? I was always trying to convince diplomats of peace, and studying the Light. It was hard to incorporate any other personal affair with everyone always leaning over my shoulder--and Genn shoving suitors at me. Every person I met through nobles and diplomatic gatherings was so proper and precise. I think I have enough of that in my life, Eona is different. I feel like I’m allowed to be human around her--I’m allowed to be myself.

“But there was one…” Khadgar tapped the edge of the pillow. “Yes, this one fellow in Pandaria that she dated. Eona really liked him--she wouldn't shut up about him.”

My face grew hot again as he continued. “--Then Alexstrasza threw a bunch of suitors her way. Those did not end well.”

“Anduin? The cleansing only works if you summon the Light,” Malfurion’s voice shook me from my daze.

“Right--! Sorry,” The rest of the time I cared for Khadgar was spent in physical silence, but my mind was filled with ramblings. When I first met Eona, she never showed me any hostility. Yes, Garrosh was chasing both of us around with a giant stick, but she never mentioned the troll that died because of my people.

I finished my work with Khadgar and removed the venom from the rest. It was a tense job, but I completed it unscathed. The portal to the Purple Parlor shimmered as newcomers arrived.

Jaina had become a pillar, supporting the sagging Kalecgos that leaned on her and carrying a limp form in her arms.

I stood as soon as I recognized her. Rosy-pink skin and copper locks like the birth of the day. Freckles like the lingering stars of the dawn. Eona’s smile was like the early-rising sun, but it did not shine in this moment.

“You really need to lay off the pastries,” Jaina cast a glare down at Eona’s unmoving form, then her eyes sought mine. “Don't tell Sylvanas.”

#thrilling adventures of eona #Eona Strider #Anduin Wrynn #Khadgar #Malfurion Stormrage #archmage modera #aethas sunreaver #Jaina Proudmoore #kalecgos #World of Warcraft #world of warcraft fanfic

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isroselalondebisexual · 7 years ago

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What do you think Rose Egbert would be like? :0 And Dave Harley, John Lalonde, and Jade Strider

Rose Egbert, raised in a supportive, loving home environment, would probably still be fighty and punchy because I don’t think there’s a single parent in existence that could ever change that about her, but she’s also very likely going to be more inclined to wait until being PROMPTED before she lets loose her floods of salt and snark. So like, a pretty regular girl on first impressions, definitely deeply entrenched in her Hot Topic mall goth phase, wears chokers from Spencers and whatnot, but pretty friendly at face value and in all the advanced literature courses, has been in every psychology class the public education system offers. On the debate team. And so you’re like, cool, she’s on debate, that should be fun, she’s pretty well composed as a person I bet she has some good thoughts. And then you attend one of the debate matches. And you see a side of Rose Egbert you never knew existed and holy hot DAMN you’re not sure if you’re terrified or in love with her. Possibly both. Probably both. She’s quick witted alright, devastatingly intelligent and in this to WIN. Dad Egbert has all of her debate trophies (medals? I wasn’t in debate idk how these things work) displayed as proudly as he displayed his clown statues in the canon timeline. Her role as a Seer of Breath is to best free the timeline and her friendgroup from the clutches of the Literally-A-Demon Lord of Time, who seeks to enslave them, their timeline, and the universe to his whims, to become his playthings. Her role is to forsee the best route, not in terms of luck, but as a specific, pointed fuck you to Doc Scratch, Lord English, and everything associated with them. That part in canon where Rose is talking to Doc and he’s like “do you even still have that emotion?” or whatever and she’s like “Why, yes, it seems it’s all been mysteriously relocated to my middle finger. The dark magics are at it again.” Like that but times a thousand she is SMART she has FORESIGHT and she is going to FREE THEIR TIMELINE, BITCH.

Dave Harley grew up alone on an island with a magic dog and some weird chess folk, so first of all he doesn’t know what a gender is so jot that down, second of all what do you mean boys don’t like boys? Obviously boys like boys, he likes boys, u r foolish, u silly human culture you. So uh, you know how Dave is like, this huge massive attention whore in canon and he starts out “I’m so cool are you noticing me being cool and not caring over here”? Yeah no, immediately bypasses that, this boy wants ATTENTION so TALK TO HIM DAMMIT. His only real guide for physical touch has been a dog and some people who are not human so Personal Space Whomst? Dave is here, he is in your personal space, you are paying attention to him bitches. His collection of weird dead shit is even weirder, given that it is a Harley tradition to taxidermy weird shit and also he lives out on an island now. Probably takes the PRETTIEST photos of like, the island views and stuff, which he naturally posts online and gets a lot of likes and reblogs for which, good, give him that sweet sweet validation. His selfies are everywhere. Go like them. His role as the Knight of Space would be a pretty important one, he’s upholding the balance of the universe and breeding the new one and stuff, which basically just means he’s the weird frog dad now. You see all those frogs? Those are his babies. He loves them. Smorch. Dave ew don’t kiss frogs that’s gross. Dave does not care, Dave is gonna smooch those frogs bc he loves them and all their mutant little paradox offspring. Dave the frog whisperer. Whenever Karkat’s getting screechy he just like. Takes one out of his sylladex or his hood or pocket or SOMEWHERE and sets it delicately down in front of Karkat when he’s not looking and Karkat proceeds to screech and flip out and Dave laughs at him. This Dave is likely a lot more carefree, but doesn’t have a good grasp of concepts like “responsibility” or “giving people space.” A good and goofy kid, with some nice tasty abandonment issues probably thrown into the mix there somewhere. He doesn’t wanna be alone again.

John Lalonde very likely has a very bad grasp of what consequences are. If he breaks shit, they can just buy a new one, if he pranks someone a little too mean or says something that goes a little too far, his mom is easy to forgive him. My dear sweet ADHD child probably didn’t do too good in school and did a lot of class clowning tomfoolery but Mom Lalonde didn’t discipline him for it at home so threats of “I will call your mother if you don’t settle down” didn’t have much of an effect on him. He’s a good kid! Friendly and loving and affectionate, but if he fucks up he doesn’t take responsibility for it and pulls the “it was just a joke!” card way too frequently and doesn’t know how to actually apologize or fix his mistakes. But even though he’s very outwardly childish, he’s also surprisingly mature for his age, by way of like, opinions and stuff? Like he’ll say stuff and it’ll seem totally left field for him cause John you’re like, the funny dude of our group, but he’s also the one who knows how to disinfect wounds and the RIDICULOUS importance of making sure your older sibling knows who their DD is when they’re off drinking with their friends and while he doesn’t have an emotional reaction to traumatic events right off the bat (like in canon) he does do a VERY good job of responding pragmatically to them, and that’s kind of a result of yeah, his mom’s his buddy, and yeah, she lets him get away with anything, but no, John doesn’t really get the chance to be a kid ALL the time, and in part he acts out like this because he’s frustrated that he CAN’T fully be a kid, so he’s overcompensating. His role as the Heir of Light would be as somebody who embodies luck and intellect, which he doesn’t really feel like he can do. He’s not smart, right? He’s never done well in school. But he has really high emotional intelligence, and he’s got street smarts no 13 year old has any business having, and he eventually comes to realize that he is lucky. He’s very lucky. He’s got good friends who love him and who he loves, a strong team who can conquer the world, the universe, even a demon with the strength of a green sun, and when John comes to appreciate consequences and ramifications of their actions, he would be better able to understand how to use his powers to become the luckiest little shit in the universe, and could look death in the face with confidence because he understands, now, he’s realized some things, some the easy way and some lessons were painfully hard, but he’s confident in what he’s doing and he’s got his friends at his back.

Jade Strider, I hate to say it, but I think she would end up a very meek individual. Very, very hypervigilant, aware of everyone’s mood around her and this HUGE people pleaser, because as far as she’s concerned “not actively pleased” might as well be utterly synonymous to “actively displeased.” Life is uncertain to her, she’s very diligent about reading the moods of others and making them happy. Everyone loves her and think she’s just absolutely the best, she’s always ready to listen, always eager to cheer her friends up when they’re feeling down, doesn’t say jack SHIT about herself. If people ask she straight up lies. She does NOT talk about her own problems, even worse than in canon. She is happy go lucky and pleasant to be around, see? She’s doing great. Don’t worry about her! Oh do you need to talk about something? She’s got hair-trigger reflexes and does NOT react well to sudden loud noises or jumpscares. She’s very forgiving, because it’s only natural that sometimes her friends will hurt her feelings, right? That’s what love looks like. Some things just can’t be prevented, so why bother. Lotta learned helplessness kinda shit going down. Very reactive to positive feedback and physical affection (as long as she sees it coming) but has no idea how to go about asking for it. She’s very popular at her school for being pretty and cool and badass and friendly all tied up into one but her friendships are very shallow with her school friends, because if she cannot open up about herself, what room is there for emotional intimacy? As a Witch of Time, her main thing that needs to happen is she needs to get fed up. She needs to get pissed off. She doesn’t deserve this shit! She’s thirteen! She doesn’t deserve a parent who didn’t love her, she doesn’t deserve to have the weight of the timeline on her shoulders, she doesn’t deserve to see her own corpse over and over and fucking OVER again! This isn’t fair, this isn’t right, she doesn’t FUCKING want this, fuck her Bro fuck the Game fuck keeping quiet she’s a KID and she’s HURTING and she will be fucking UPSET about it! And then she’s gotta let John, and Rose, and Dave hold her and tell her she’s right, she’s so right, she is absolutely entitled to her anger, she’s allowed to feel angry about this, she’s gonna be okay though, they’re there, they love her and they’re not gonna let anyone hurt her ever again, she’s allowed to feel hellfire down deep to her bones but then, most importantly, she needs to let her friends help her, she needs to trust them, and learn how trusting works, learn what love looks like and how all her little broken pieces fit back together. And no, she’s never gonna fully recover from that. She knows she’s gonna be a compulsive liar down to her dying day and she’s never going to be able to trust openly like some people do, but she’s got people who love her and who she loves dearly, and she’s going to be okay, and every day it gets a little easier. Some days are bad, yeah, some days she’s angry over stuff she thought she got over years ago, but at the end of the Game, after all has been ripped asunder and they’ve moved into their new lives on Earth C, she is allowed to recover and to rest and sure it’s not always easy, but she’s always trying, and things are better now.

#Rose Lalonde #John Egbert #Dave Strider #Jade Harley #Rose Egbert #Dave Harley #John Lalonde #Jade Strider #answers #Homestuck #John #Jade #Dave #kidswap #Homestuck meta #analysis #Homestuck analysis

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marcythewerewolf · 7 years ago

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Hi M! I was wondering if you've written anything Emma + Julian as of lately. I love all of your writings, even the headcanons (AND THOSE LONG ASS POSTS. I LIVE FOR THEM.) and I really wanted to read something about those two. Anything, really. Just mess me up and hit me with your worst (best)

You’ve just written me a blank check, friend. I’ll try to fill it as best I can. Warning for some prime, post-LOS Disaster Babies, and also some light making out and heavily charged touching. And when I say heavily charged I mean in the electrical hazard sort of way.

Emma’s touch burns his skin now, leaving faint red trails that fade after a few seconds. No matter how lightly she brushes his skin, it’s like touching the sun in miniature. No matter how hard he tries, Julian can’t bring himself to care.

She swirls spirals on his forearm under the table as the Council drones, and he tries not to flinch because Dru is leaning into his other side and keeps giving him odd looks when he does.

Jia Penhallow looks tall and gaunt as a statue, hair as dark as Annabel’s. Her face is locked in a permanent expression of deep discomfort, the best sign that things aren’t going well. Try as he might, Julian can’t quite listen to anything but Emma’s soft breathing beside him.

“-eeting adjourned,” Jia says finally. “We’ll call a vote on the proposed sanctions against Faerie tomorrow.”

No one has directly called out the Blackthorns yet. Julian can’t decide if it’s concerning or for the best. After the initial outcry over the Mortal Sword, most of the backlash had promptly been directed at the usual scapegoats. Good Shadowhunter children couldn’t be blamed if the wicked Downworlders took advantage of them, and no one could be bothered to do anything with the good Shadowhunter children because stopping disasters just isn’t the Clave’s way.

Even through two layers of leather, Emma’s hand is a hot iron on his upper arm as they walk out of the hall, ignoring the stares and whispers. Rumours, they can handle, what Julian cannot countenance the idea that they might be separated, in any way.

In his fugue, he thinks if he lost Emma’s warmth he might just collapse, stop working like Ty has.

Absolute zero is a state where nothing can move at all, the lowest temperature possible in the universe, and right now that feels like the default state of Julian’s heart.

They wait for Jia to come out so they can walk back with her to the Penhallows’ house. Diana, though much kinder and much more trustworthy, doesn’t have the space to let all of them stay with her.

The attic where they’d been shoved as children is even more cramped now, and so Jia and Patrick had politely extended a few more guest bedrooms. Julian had turned her down. He knows lots of people have to be looking for place to stay in Idris at the moment, and the instinct to Not Be A Burden is strong.

They’ve made do. Ty, Kit, and Tavvy are on the bed, Dru has allocated herself a chair, and Julian and Emma are camping on the floor with spare pillows and blankets. More often than not, Tavvy comes to join them. Ty needs his space now more than ever.

He’s up and eating when the get back, which is a good sign. Dru fills in Kit on the meeting, and Julian listens closely. Now that Emma isn’t touching him and he’s back with his family, he can almost start to think clearly again.

The facts as they stand aren’t good. Helen and Aline only haven’t been sent away because Jia had made the argument they were vital witnesses to what is now being called the Massacre in the Hall of the Accords.That gambit could backfire quickly, if the Dearborns have their way. Mark and Cristina have left to try to find Kieran, and hopefully protect Mark from repercussions. He is safe, and that is a comfort, but he’s also not here.

“What about Livvy’s body?” Ty asks, still looking at his bowl of soup. Julian’s not sure he’s made direct eye contact with anyone since his twin sister died. “Did they say anything about what they did with her?”

He shakes his head. “No, buddy, sorry. We’re working on it, but the Silent Brothers are being very close lipped, apparently.”

In truth, he’s not even sure they’ll be able to have a funeral. The Mortal Sword is sacred, it’s got to mess up the usual rites and rituals. He can’t tell Ty that though, not yet. The situation is fragile enough as it is.

Julian’s brother crumples softly in on himself, and the overall mood of the room takes a despondent turn. Emma leans across on the bed and lays a searing hand on the back of Julian’s neck, making him stiffen with pain. The shock is what he needs to pull together though. As every hair on his body tingles, he tries to look like he’s in control.

“It’s only been a day and a half. You know how the Clave moves, and Jia is intentionally trying to slow things down. It’ll get better, I promise.”

The words ring hollow, even to him, but Emma smiles and that makes it okay.

In the dark at night, it’s the worst. They’re so close, but so far away. The room is full of the susurration of a half a dozen children breathing, and doing all the things he wants to do is impossible.

What he can do is touch her. Tavvy’s on the bed tonight, they have the floor to themselves, and Julian traces flowers on her bare stomach in the dim moonlight. Her skin is covered in goosebumps, and every time he touches her again her breath hitches in her throat. He does spinning roses and symmetrical camellias and dandelions which are really just an excuse to stroke lines in every direction away from her belly button. She is so hot, like a bonfire in a blizzard, and he wants to throw himself inside her and burn to death. Instead he draws ivy up her collarbone until the pads of his fingers feel so unbearably warm he puts them in his mouth despite himself. (There they are cool to the the tongue.)

Emma grins, puts one branding iron hand on the small of his back and pulls him in closer to her.

“You know it doesn’t work like that,” she whispers, as softly as a butterfly landing. It’s clearly a struggle for her to be so quiet. Even the way she moves, unrestrained as a storm, makes him hesitate, but he still can’t stop himself from holding her.

“It’s magic,” Julian whispers, wrapping an arm around her so she shudders. “It can work however it wants.”

When she presses him down into her thin pillow on the worn wood floor, she feels heavier than she should, like a car crushing his chest. He can barely breath as she kisses his eyelids, and when he opens his eyes again the world is gold and red.

Once Julian catches his breath and lets the stars behind his eyes fade, he writes, RUNE? on her upper arm. She shakes her head and gives him a questioning look. Runes don’t work like that, they both know, but maybe whatever horrible power they have now does. They shouldn’t experiment. He desperately wants to.

It’s a dark sort of curiosity that drives him to pull her nearest hand to his lips. With some consideration, he kisses each knuckle and callous and watches as she shivers. Still, even that small reaction isn’t enough. He goes for the vein at her wrist and works his way up her arm, brushing away the tangle on blonde hair when he reaches her shoulder. Emma leans into him, her breath like steam on his neck.

Ty turns on the bedside lamp. “What are you doing?” he demands.

Next to him, Kit and Tavvy, both wearing pairs of Aline’s old pajamas, start to stir as well. A disgruntled noise from Dru is followed by some bleary stares and then her falling out of the chair.

“That’s illegal!” Ty and Dru say at almost the same, scandalized time. Julian doesn’t even have time to offer up a defense, although not many platonic explanations for their activities come to mind.

Kit frowns. “Wait, really?”

Dru is scared for all of them, Ty is offended on multiple accounts, Tavvy is elated, Kit is mostly confused.

They all promise not to tell, though Julian knows their faith in him has taken another hard hit. The family comes first, no matter what. He raised them well.

He and Emma retreat to the bathroom to come up with a plan of attack. A plan of recovery was equally acceptable.

“They’ll understand,” Emma assures him as they sit together on the tile. “It might take a while, but I know they will.”

“I-” Julian begins, and finds the lie chokes in his throat. “Maybe you’re right. We don’t have time though. What if the Cohort moves, what if charges start to be brought against us, what if they threaten Helen, or Mark?”

She squeezes his hand, bringing some warmth back in the frozen fear of his mind. “Then we’ll destroy them.”

When they return, Ty has also held his own meeting, and drafted a few ultimatums.

“We need to tell Helen and Aline,” he says. He’s still not looking at anyone straight on, but his voice is strong and steady.

“We can’t keep lying to each other,” Dru says, chin wobbling but eyes stubborn. “You can’t keep lying to us, Jules.”

“Please-”

Ty cuts him off before he can offer any soothing words. “We know you meant well, but we’re not kids anymore. We can handle this.”

They can. They are shaking and shaken, but unbroken yet. He’s so, so proud of them, and he loves them all so much. He can’t imagine ever hurting them, even for the endless enveloping fire Emma now embodies, and he desperately hopes it stays that way.

“And I want to find Livvy,” Ty says, in a voice that breaks before Kit wraps his arms tightly around him from the back. “I- we can’t leave without her.”

It’s settled just like that, quickly in the night by children not quite sure what they’re doing and certainly not old enough to be making the choices they are. Story of Julian’s life.

Breaking into the Silent City is easily said then done. Emma and Julian go alone. It’s better than endangering the children.

In dark corridors, tombs of fallen warriors, and hallowed libraries, they find nothing, not even the answers about their predicament Julian was half looking for. Deeper still, in the cells and vaults, there is still no sign of Livia. Her corpse, bloodless and tiny and horribly awkward in death, limp and hanging from the ornate hilt of the Mortal Sword like he remembers, is nowhere to be found. The shards of the Sword itself are all laid out on a bier, but the girl who died for them gets none of the same decency.

All the Brothers except a few are out, searching the world for answers to the crisis of the day. Emma choked out a few on the way in, but the City had been mostly unguarded.

Under the circumstances, Julian thinks lighting the whole place on fire is entirely reasonable.

Emma’s face shines as the stone melts and catches with the help of their burning, glowing, wicked rune. She’s flush and fierce and delighted as they drag the unconscious Brothers into a safe building and run, and Julian delights with her, feels hot and bright and alive. Love is a sort of mourning, just as vengeful arson is a sort of funeral pyre. He had given Uncle Arthur a church, Livvy deserves at least a small city.

The entrance to the Silent City soon swarms with more Brothers, with Shadowhunters rushing to help. By the time they meet back up with their party in the Penhallows’ back garden, the plume of smoke is visible to most of Idris.

Helen looks appalled, Aline looks impressed, Ty mostly just looks upset. “Where is she?” he asks.

“What did you do?” Helen asks, hands on her hips like an older sister in full.

“She wasn’t there,” Julian gasps, “So we, ah, made do. It’s not a proper Shadowhunter funeral, but it’s close enough, isn’t it?” Still high on skin contact with Emma and powerful magic, he feels like he could wrestle a bear. He wants to find a bed and kiss her senseless, and the bed is really optional.

Helen has the gall to disapprove, as if she was there for them at all, as if she has any room to judge them for being unacceptable by Shadowhunter norms. “Julian…” she sighs, looking worriedly at Taavy and Dru. They’re hiding behind her. It’s possible, Julian realizes, that he might look a little mad right now.

“We’re fine,” he insists, and when Helen moves to touch his cheek, he bats her away.

She shrieks, and yanks her hand back quickly. The garden of Blackthorns and Blackthorn-adjacents freezes. Aline is hovering over her in an instant, inspecting her blistered hand and murmuring questions.

Helen looks a little frightened, and that’s enough to frighten Julian. “I’m fine,” she says, “I just… it burned. Even the air around you is hot. Jules?”

He and Emma exchange a glance. “Nothing like that’s ever happened before,” Emma tells her quickly, “I mean, sometimes things kind of like that, but not really like that. No one’s ever gotten hurt.”

Before, remains unspoken.

The grass around Julian and Emma’s feet starts to wither and smoke. Above the little walled garden, the plume of smoke reaches higher and higher, up into the heavens, no longer a triumphal column and now just a marker of a disaster somewhere not too far away.

#julian blackthorn #emma carstairs #lord of shadows spoilers #the dark artifices #blackstairs #my terrible parabatai children #fanfic #m writes

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cheeseamberger · 8 years ago

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Fear is the thing that keeps me rooted in one spot. It is the answer to failures of mine, the cause of my stagnancy, the reason for my reliable, easy, monotonous nine to five. Yes, this is all fact, because if there is one thing I am good at, it is and has always been (almost crippling) self assessment.

My fear, it keeps me in a routine: I wake. Shower. Dress. Eat the same breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast, take a multivitamin and an iron pill, ride the same public transit to and from work, come home at approximately the same time, watch the same clock until I tire and go to bed from boredom. I wake too soon, stare at my dark ceiling, go back to sleep fitfully, wake and repeat. Nothing accomplished. The weather changes; I do not. The time changes; I do not. My friends get married and travel, post photos with friends across social media platforms; I make my way through a couple seasons of television shows, retain nothing, gain weight, avoid mirrors.

Everything changes; I do not.

I will admit there is a slight comfort in my fear. It holds me back, yes, but there is also a safety inside, which is kind of nice when I think about it, I guess. I mean, I’m often bored as shit but a lot of things are steady. I live for steady. I live for knowing what will happen, I live for structure, I live for a fully functioning, organized, dependable life. I can’t lie, that is that shit I do like.

But also-

I feel like I’m dying.

Please don’t. I recognize how dramatic that sounds.

Listen, my fear is multi-faceted. It’s terrible and pleasantly predictable and through some self appointed Quiet Time™, I know it's misplaced. I can not trace its root back to one specific thing, and I can’t explain how it became this way, how I have become so immersed in fear, anxiety and mild paranoia that I’ve stopped doing the things that once made me very happy. It’s a very corny relationship.

I want to create art but I don’t. I want to write or sing or direct or act or something, but I don’t. I fret. I stay away. I open and close documents, scroll through Twitter, feel disappointed in myself. I go see shows and cry afterwards because I see what I could be. I am confused because I feel like I don’t love anything anymore and I’ve outgrown everything. I pay bills and take care of my parents and don’t think about art at all. I won’t pick up a book like I won’t answer a call because I can’t take reading the words and have them speaking to me. My mind is television static. How did living become this way?

Perhaps it was growing up and realizing the intricacies and hard work of craft and seeing that sometimes all that shit doesn’t pay off in the end. Perhaps it is the lack of time I have to create- I work a lot and I depend on myself and sometimes the focus isn’t there because I’m worried about starving or being evicted or if my phone will be cut off and my mother can’t reach me. Perhaps it’s both and everything and nothing at all but laziness. I don’t know. I mean, I’ve given myself to art before and it didn’t completely suck. The things I have done and want to continue doing are things that I have done at least once or twice, enough to spark something within me that feels like it might be a calling. I have not totally bombed at the things I have attempted, and the practice, rehearsal and subsequent trials and errors have made me happy. Extremely happy. Proud. I felt capital L Liberated. What tops that feeling of everything sliding into place and feeling whole for bits at a time? Not shit. I told you I live for a dependable life, a slice of something sure. That’s what it felt like sometimes.

But once and twice do not a lifestyle make. People say third time’s the charm but I often feel like third times the break. The humiliation, the doubt, the heartbreak. People count to three and then it’s go, it’s jump, pivoting pivoting pivoting, taking off. At my three, the only thing I know for sure is that I’m a fraud and I am a liar. The Phoney Baloney. I have faked my way through parts one and two, but part three? I should know better by three, shouldn't I? Shouldn't I have it together, whatever “it” and “together” means? Shouldn't I be ready for commitment? I try not to converse with the What Ifs of the world, for those are things out of my control, and I am the only thing I can try to control, and most times that’s barely.

Yet I end up opening myself to What Ifs when they crawl to me in the midnight hours:

What if I give all I have to give, all of myself, and no one bats an eye?

What if I'm so good, so moving and intriguing, so popping, that the expectation to deliver a repeat performance causes me to stutter and trip, and I fall from the tightrope, net not included?

What if I never do anything at all, I get stuck in the same place forever and ever and ever and ever, I am trapped and defeated like a wild animal left to the metal jaws of life, and become not only the living fucking embodiment of Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car", but also That One Cousin. You know That One Cousin. The example your mom always brings up. The subject of mother-and-aunt-coffee-at-the-kitchen-table talks. The reason for the sigh followed by the drawn out, "Bless her poor heart." No one wants to be That One Cousin, they want to be The Other Cousin. Designated Cool Family Member. They have it under control, they make the family proud, got a little pocket change and handles some of the expenses.

What if I'm never Designated Cool Family Member?

This is why I try so hard to keep the What If conversations to a bare minimum. Yes of course I know the What Ifs have optimistic perspectives and outcomes- what if you succeed and everybody loves you and you love yourself and you're happy; what if you get lost briefly but along the way learn a lot and are better for it; what if you already are The Other Cousin, the embodiment of a bad bitch and 85% of Beyoncé lyrics- but my mind is wild and unreliable. I do not trust her to keep me safe at times. I do not rest. I toss and turn, wondering if I will ever get out my dreams, stuck in a bizarre tug of war with my doubts and my hopes, my dark anxiety and my good truths, my perfect worlds and my very real realities. And no matter what I do, I feel my fear gets the best of me every time. It tires me out. It holds me close. It is both a leash and a seat belt, a sick contraption, a well tailored harness.

I must make it clear that I do not wish to relieve myself of all fear. A little of it keeps me alive and reminds me that I care more deeply than I can verbalize or express. I only wish to lighten the load enough that I can go to sleep at night. I wish to give myself a break and some credit, a hug and a kiss and a good night's rest. I do not want fear sleeping beside me like a cold lover stealing the duvet, I want it at the foot of my bed like a furry canine companion. I want it to be an interesting part of my life, not my whole life. I don’t want to conquer my fears or completely rid myself of them; I want them to keep me warm with inspiration and drive. I want success. I want to mean something to others. I want to mean something to myself. I do not want to die broken and speechless, sitting atop the bones and corpses of things I never did or words I never wrote. I do not dream of being rich. I dream that I will not starve myself to death, that I will always be full with ideas and friendships and laughter and good meals. I dream of pleasure, of hard work, a dance down the golden path to rich hedonism. I do not want my fear to be my entire home, only a quick set of stairs to a door that leads to something bigger and better than me.

Fear is the thing that keeps me rooted in one spot. I wonder when that will no longer be the case, or if I am even ready for that. I wonder if it’s by choice or by circumstance or both. I said I was good at self assessment.

Maybe.

-ap.

#one #amber writes.#long post.

9 notes · View notes

grizzlefur · 7 years ago

Text

WWEm - The Chairening

((25-6 Sep))

!WAR NOONRETFA YADNOM si siht ,secnerefer s'relggiZ hploD naht ytrap eht ot retaL

niaga yaw gnorw eht epat eht dedaol ev'uoy ,leinad lleh gnickuf

tuo ti tros

--------------------

ahem

technical difficulties aside, let's watch some wrestling

it's monday because fuck off, i don't do schedule

this is the go-home show from no mercy, so presumably something will happen

even if it's just cesaro getting new teeth

and miz is already here

wait, shit, apparently this is actually ontario, california

now i need to retract that whole rant from last time, on the grounds that this is apparently a real place

anyway, slideshow of jj gettng fucked on by the miz to resounding cheers

everyone loves miz cos they're still in SoCal

even if he is wearing a janky-ass check suit

oh, and he's here to interview roman

great

now people love miz even more by comparison

miz kicks off by mentioning taker so people remember how much they hate roman

throws roman a softball question about how it feels to take over from cena, he stares into the middle distance for an uncomfortably long time

and then canned monologue about how he now respects cena

and he doesn't see why he should be spending time in a room with miz

who's like well i'm the one here with a belt so nyahhhhhh

takes the opportunity to throw shade at jj, roman stands up for him and says miz couldn't beat him one on one

asks the miztourage for a beer

miz is like no my talk show has standards

and like hey yeah it's such a bad thing to have two guys helping you out oh waaaaaait

floats the idea of the miztourage vs the shield, the crowd goes nuts

roman laughs, is like yeah fuck that, crowd hate him

and then talks about his path to the universal championship, manages to mess up brock's name

miz commences to a+ ranting about how he's the most important champ on the show

certainly the most hardworking

roman's like fuck it, okay, let's fight

miz desperately backpedals

is like nope sorry can't wrestle in this suit and also my wife is pregnant

so relevant

makes his farewells, leaves, but OH WAIT here's kurt

to be like yeah cool let's do this shit

roman/miz later on, mizoturage v matt hardy and jj now

because jeff's shoulder's fucked AGEEN

but first let's have this advert for hiac

although why you'd need to advertise it is a mystery to me when you could just read kevin's outstanding twitter feed

back in the room, and here are the hardyz

jeff's here to watch

and rock out to their music

slowmo replay of the tower of doom spot that fucked his shoulder, doesn't look pleasant

and here's jj, met with overwhelming ambivalence

matt's got his green trousers on so at least they're coordinated

bell rings, jason commences to dismantle the other team by himself

finally tags matt in, crowd start paying attention

matt brings his usual brand, laughing like a goat and shambling curtis axel to death

ad break, so the miztourage get some offence in

because we all know heels are allergic to being filmed

apparently they did it by stepping to jeff and making jj defend him

you'd think that'd be a job for his actual brother, but then you clearly don't know the hardyz

corey talks about his time in the ring with bo for some serious oldschool nxt nostalgia

jj throws curtis out of the ring, double hot tag, cue matt mashing bo's face

side effect, curtis breaks the pin, jj spears both of them into the corner, twist of fate on bo for the pin

cole manages to mix matt and jason up

i guess they are both basically the same colour

positioned on the thin line between actual poc and tan as fuck

up next, we talk about the universal championship match

yay, more brock on my tv

after this ad for smackdown

and total bellas

featuring nikki and john arguing about power of attorney

thrilling

corey claims the universal title match was like a sci-fi movie, offers precisely no information to back this up

well, i guess it was less interesting and well-executed than the premise would suggest, so i guess there's that similarity

yeah, that's me throwing shade at disappointing adaptations of hugo award-winning books

(all of them)

come at me

in any case, here's elias

wearing his chicago tour shirt

(which i now own)

ontario have mixed opinions on walking with elias

apparently we're having a rematch of him and apollo tonight

this diss track is primarily about apollo, because nobody has anything interesting to say about ontario, CA

anyway, here's apollo

and titus

fight starts immediately as the bell rings, ref has to sneak in to pick up elias' scarf

booker talks about titus' political ambitions, corey reprimands him that "we don't do politics"

if only everyone in the company took that view

(wow, there's shade for everyone today)

the crowd are vocally behind apollo, which is novel

elias punches titus in the leg to distract apollo, superkick and drift away for the pin

after which titus runs in to fight elias

and everyone's like ohhhh yeah he's a wrestler

very short scrap before elias runs away

up next, finn does a thing

and we need to stop hyping the whole 'Man vs Man' thing

how was nobody on creative like welp that's a fucking stupid tagline, let's just do some more coke instead

cancer kids ad, and now charly interviews finn in a room made of curtains

i wouldn't put it past finn to have an interview in twin peaks

finn thanks bray for pushing him to succeed, restates his universal title ambitions, leaves

well that was short

meanwhile, here's curt hawkins and his 118-match losing streak

and here's braun

this'll go well

curt's like waaaaaaait a second this was a bad idea

and runs away

into the crowd

braun doesn't give a shit, leaps the barricade to chase him throw the crowd

and chokeslams him through a table

guys, that table was presumably there for a reason

now where will the tech guys keep their snacks

picks him up, takes him up to the stage and powerslams him through the led boards

god bless you, curt

bumping like a champ

braun goes back to the ring, gets a mic

like fuck that guy who wants to come and give me a real fight

and it's dean, because ill-considered decisions are totally his thing

walks over to examine curt's corpse, shrugs, heads to the ring

dean is, as ever the living embodiment of eh, fuck it

he's here with the scars of having the best match on the last night's show

but all his teeth, so could be worse

so braun's just focusing on working his bad shoulder

which is weirdly technical for him

you'd think just pounding the shit out of him would work just as well whether he's got a bad shoulder or not

dean tries the princess bride-style sleeper, gets smashed into some turnbuckles for it

keeps trying punching braun and getting headbutted to death

collapses, braun tries the foot pin

doesn't take

this match is like 90% just dean ragdolling around the arena, but it's actually p good

he gets a bit of offence courtesy of an eye poke

dean tips braun over the ropes, braun's like whatevs dude i'm tall and just stands on the floor

booker makes reference to braun having a "cloak of invincibility" [sic] despite the fact that he lost the night before

and dean gets powerslammed into oblivion

where's seth anyway

not here for his best bro

corey's commentary on the highlights package from that suggests he may not in fact know what a ddt is

backstage, kurt tells a ref to be extra careful in the miz match

and now here's enzo

who we gave a belt for some godforsaaken reason

he proposes a 'celebratory brouhaha'

kurt's like dude that was the shadiest win do you actually deserve it

enzo makes more noises, kurt caves

offers some advice from a longtime champ, enzo's like nah dude you're good and leaves

up next, alexa exists

after this archive footage of stone cold driving a beer truck into the arena eighteen years ago

presented by snickers for no particular reason

but now here's dean in the trainer's room

seth's brought him ice, asks him to be less ludicrously self-destructive now they're working together

like dude maybe at least let me know next time

dean calls him predictable, seth tries to prove he's not

so he's going to ask for a match with braun next week

dean's like yeah, fair, i did not expect that

perhaps not a great idea though

ah well

in the ring, here's alexa

in a sleeveless silver jacket that i would so totally wear

now maryse isn't on the show, i'll just have to steal alexa's wardrobe ideas

alexa thinks of all of us as her personal friends, and she's very disappointed in us

for not appreciating her victory

and looking forward to asuka too much

and here's...mickie?

god, this division is so arbitrary with who the next contender's going to be

apparently alexa said some uncomplimentary things about her on raw talk

i was busy not watching it

in my defence, it had 100% more lawler than i need in my day

alexa is just doubling down on the sarcastic praise of mickie

can't really narrate it, because we all know how sarcasm works in text

damn this restrictive medium

alexa's like hey i would fight you, but i don't want you to break a hip

mickie comes back by making fun of alexa's boobs

class

she wants alexa to repeat what she said on raw talk or fuck off

oh, apparently it was calling her an old lady

alexa repeats, gets kicked out of the ring

yet more hype for roman/miz

i am resolutely unhypened

but up next, seth/sheamus

after this asuka advert

still with the sun tzu quote for whatever reason

here comes seth, still burning it down

i love the person in the crowd with a giant milk carton sign with MISSING above a picture of cesaro sans teeth

sheamus is in full kkb gear, cesaro's just in a grey suit and aviators, which mostly has the effect of making him look like pitbull

cue slideshow of the match at no mercy

including the spot that should totally have been the finish

ooh, apparently cesaro's teeth were pushed up into his gums rather than out

ouch

not that i ever really trust wwe's descriptions of injuries, tbh

seth suicide dives sheamus, takes a moment to mock cesaro, eats an irish curse for his trouble

sheamus gets seth up in a stretch muffler, which is a move that seems to have undergone something of a resurgence just recently

and then into a cloverleaf

eventual rope break, but that did not look fun

speaking of moves that are coming back, seth gets a punt to the face

sheamus and cesaro take a moment to grandstand, giving seth time to dodge the eventual brogue

sheamus goes to the top rope, seth meets him downstairs with a gut kick, kingslayer for the pin

which apparently they're calling the ripcord knee now?

well w/e

up next, talking about cena

yaaaay

after more ads for our other shows

and now finn's backstage

runs into goldust, who's got his mojo back

goldust takes issue with finn positioning him as a victim and someone who needs help

a view you might recognise from previous editions of this blog

hi, dustin

finn apologises, goldust accepts but then punches him in the face a bunch

quotes godfather 2 at him, breathes in his face, leaves

but now it's time to talk about cena/reigns

have this slideshow in which we try and make it look way more dynamic than it atually was

and the clip from raw talk with cena being magnanimous

which i did watch, thanks to the miracle of...THE INTERNET

*internet theme plays*

(answers on a postcard what you think that would be)

video package ends, we move on

really thought we were gonna get something more than just replays of last night

but hey

nexg up, roman/miz

after this advert for story time and title card about how wwe's the best at twitter

here's roman, nobody cares

case in point: i spent his entire entrance staring blankly at my facebook feed before realising i should probably say something

a+ journalism

as i type that, enter the miz in a delightful silver lamé sheath

and also his minions in human clothes

bell rings, miz kicks off by trying to talk his way out of this match

makes the point that nobody really has anything to gain from this entirely meaningless match, and he's not wrong

roman accepts the handshake, then punches him a lot

such mixed messages

miz gets out of the ring and hides behind his dudes to rant, roman stands there and laughs douchily because his current gimmick is 'You know that smug fucker who's in your friend group for no reason you can really establish and whom you could quite happily punch in his big grinning twat face? Yeah, him."

miztourage are continually interfering whenever they're more than about five degrees from the ref's eyelines

wwe refs are like the shitty starting enemies in any stealth game

roman's selling an injured back, corey waxes lyrical about sciatica

as you do

and then takes the chance while roman's getting kicked in the face to say 'xiphoid process'

superman punches to all three heels, giving miz time to get away

that last line spoken in the voice of sandra bullock

(yeah, esoteric references)

miz eats a driveby, hits a big ddt for a nearfall

roman counters a finale into a spear, pin, #romanwinslol

the miztourage immediately come in to kick the shit out of roman

they'll be a long time at it

he is so full of shit

fights them off, superman punches miz again, stops to taunt him

sets up to powerbomb him, curtis and bo hit him with chairs

oh yeah, we're setting up for the furniture PPV

makes sense i guess

miz hits a finale, gloats

end thing]

or not

miz decides he didn't get to take part in ç, runs back to the ring to give roman some

and then another finale onto a chair

hits him with another chair, then the three of them do the shield fists over him

good moment

speaking of things that are not that, enzo's brouhaha is coming later

but next, finn/goldust

after this ad for 2k18

and nxt

back in the room, goldust is here and i've only just realised how much his music reminds me of music from freespace 2

*does the arms*

wait, does this mean we're having enzo's dick party as the main event?

well, i guess that means something eventful will happen

and it'll presumably be in the form of everything going wrong for him

this match just went really quickly into both of them being really vicious

finn's like i'll be helpful and magnanimous and shit, but if you cross me i will fucking end you

seems reasonable

goldust is floored by a pele kick to the air a couple inches above his shoulder

followed by a really sloppy sling blade

who do i blame for this

and then, despite selling hurt ribs, hits a coup de grace for the win

i know when i've hurt my ribs, i like to concertina my body onto another human from a significant height

wyatt cut, house lights go out, creepy child singing

wyatt cut again, end thing

huh

apparently later we have sasha/bayley v nia/emma

and here's bayley and sasha backstage

tension abounds

they both try and passive-aggressively semi-apologise for fighting over the belt last night

and bayley tells a sad story about her shoulder trauma and physiotherapy

they bond, end thing

and now here's kurt backstage

enzo accosts him, kurt has the facial expression any of us would have when accosted in a corridor by enzo amore

enzo wants a stipulation for his party

anyone touches him, they lose any shot at the belt

kurt's like fine whatever please go away

"Oh, and one more thing: you're annoying as hell. Annoying. As. Hell."

kurt angle, speaking for all of us

time for the women's match now

here's noa

or indeed nia

Pro Wrestling NOAH Jax

have a hispanic heritage month thing for julio cesar chavez

just under the bar before we run out of month

back in the room, emma's here, as is her excruciating new music

what are cfo$ even on atm

and now sasha in her matador jacket

and bayley in a cancer charity tshirt, because if one wrestler was going to wear one, it'd be her

did we really need that slowmo footage of bayley's shoulder shitting the bed?

this match presented by novartis, because we at dubby dubby wee are 100% cure there could be no problem with emphasising the link between wrestlers and pharmaceuticals

nia leg drops bayley's bad arm, which is a move that would look nasty as hell on an uninjured arm

bayley throws emma into nia, ensuing tension gives her time for a hot tag

sasha and bayley both outside doing some strong team work, bayley runs nia into the post

emma almost gets a rollup, eats a bayley to belly off a blind tag for the pin

that was...functional?

as long as the intended function is continuing the shittening of emma, i guess

backstage, enzo rants at strangers like a homeless methhead

guess what we've got next

after this ad for raw in denver with rollins/strowman and roman/miz for the belt (why?)

enzo arrives, corey commences to rage against them taking the belt away from the best thing in the division and giving it to "essentially a Muppet"

and now he's trying to convince booker to cover for him while he sneaks off

wait, can i do that?

daniel?

...

daniel is gone

touché

enzo's doing a speech

and he's personifying the belt as a woman again

essay question: Are there objects or status symbols that Enzo Amore *doesn't* want to put his dick in?

[30 marks]

mocks cass for getting injured, rails at the fans

compares himself to cena, batista and the rock

unveils his baseball jersey which he's had framed

mocks 205 live

...is he still a face?

i have no idea

cue the 205 theme music

and the entire fucking cruiserweight roster pouring out onto the stage

he starts talking again, they all stand on the stage looking just beyond done with him

mocks rich for dancing and cedric for having no charisma, they're both just like dude have you seen yourself

calls gran metalik fat

"I call it how I see it, right?"

the clarion call of the douchebag everywhere

mocks jack, drew and noam for...unclear reasons, is interrupted by neville's entrance

uses the phrase 'real man', i reach through time and the television to slap him in the face

makes fun of neville's ears

this is some incisive material right here

neville gets on the mic, so i'm happy

calls enzo out for being a toxic shitbag who's alienated everyone he's ever met

fair

spins us a tale of how enzo was dumped on the division's doorstep and the rest of the division convinced him to keep him

and does a superlative rant at him for making the division into a joke

and announces he's here to kill enzo on behalf of the whole division

enzo pulls out his piece of totally legally binding paper

which may in fact be a post-it note?

talks shit at him some more, continues to mock everyone in the division

tells him to fuck off

neville thinks fuck it, i have principles, kicks him in the stomach

and throws him into his framed douchebag jersey

and also everything else

enzo tries to run, the entire roster walks up the ramp to block him in

this is some heartwarming shit right here

neville catches him again, resumes the murder

feeds him his piece of paper, kicks him in the head to raucous applause

this is the greatest double turn ever

red arrows him so hard he does a full handspring out of it

and we fade on a fallen douchebag with a mouth full of paper as a conquering king breathes heavily on him

as all great works of literature do

right, since daniel's not here i guess i need to do the technical bits

which lever is it that switches tapes to smackdown

gonna try this one

----------------------------------------

Well, let's all just accept that that was not the correct lever to pull and try and move on

daniel got back just in time to get my leg out of the tape deck

also he brought sushi, so is forgiven for being slightly late for the second show

with all that said, let's get on with some THURSDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN!

(okay, daniel was *very* late)

i'm only a week and a bit behind, i've done worse

although hiac is on sunday, and i'm going out tomorrow and saturday

this could be fun

need to watch a week and a bit of wrestling in like a day an a half

woooooo

anyway, the show's starting with a recap of vincegate

and shane talking about how great the mcmahons are

and somehow being a face, despite the fact that the mcmahons are just objectively the worst

and everything kevin has done is totally proportional

speaking of, here he comes in the present

(the present time, that is)

(kevin owens has not been giftwrapped)

just had that smackdown moment of remembering how good the announce panel is

or at least it should be, if tom could remember how to speak english

we're like two minutes into the show and he's cocked up three times

kevin gets in, calls shane out

and also everybody who called him a coward

like sure, i wasn't here last week, but now i am and shane's nowhere to be seen hmmmmmmm

calls shane a very smart man

[citation needed]

kevin claims to personally like vince, so that should get some heel heat

and he's like look what i did to someone i respect and like, so how much will i fuck you up, you twat

on a related note, here comes sami

looking serious

steps in and just straight asks kevin what is wrong with him

like dude, we hav our problems but you are seriously off the rails here

apparently this feud is going to destroy kevin's career and also his life and family

kevin's like yeah w/e you're just jealous

sami is despondent

some people just can't be helped

no kevin, don't draw our attention to the fact that shane mcmahon is going to be headlining hiac

kevin argues sami has never done anything as important as him headbutting vince

sami comes back like yeah, while this is all technically true, you're a cheating fucker

sami will have his day and it will be beautiful and wholesome

(when all of current creative have died)

calls kevin trash, both drop their mics and square up

here comes bryan to interfere

confirms that shane is not here, and might not turn up tonight

a+ commissioning there

proposes kevin/sami tonight

well that'll be original

oh, who cares

i mock, but every one of their 84736395 matches has been great

end thing

later we have a pride of bulgaria celebration

apparently

and also dillinger/corbin next

after this ad for new day/usos at hiac

which is so going to be the best match again

and the first of many plugs for the hiac theme

by a band i've actually heard of for once

and here's baron

i think they've tweaked his music again?

i don't remember this many vocals on it

but it's possible i just stopped paying attention when baron came on screen

roll recap vt of the ongoing feud

tbf, i don't mind this new music of baron's

it's kind of shitty nu metal, but he's a shitty nu metal kind of person

and here's tye

i miss his alien waistcoat

(five words i have never said before)

and also here's aj for some reason

possibly just to show up both of their themes by being so much better

tye throws baron over the ropes while he's looking at aj

cue ad break

during which the heel has had a bunch of offence

funny how that works

the internet confirms that baron's music is new as of this ep

good to know i'm not completely unreliable

meanwhile, tye is wrestling a good match and baron is being baron

and aj is on announce

baron gets chased outside, ends up face to face with aj and throws his bottle of water over him

and then throws tye at him

and tye loses to a weirdly fast countout

so that happened and wasn't bullshit at all

aj runs into the ring, baron fucks off like a shitty nu metal motorbike wolf guy type

oh, he's sticking around

gets up to the stage, decides to get a mic and head back down to taunt aj

claims aj can only win with help, because he apparently hasn't been watching wrestling in the last decade

challenges him for the belt at hiac

end thing

another ad for the pride of bulgaria celebration

during which rusev will apparently receive the key to the city of plovdiv

which sounds like the shit i'd make up, but it's actually what they said

anyway, next it's jinder being just the worst

after an ad for total bellas

and a recap of all the shit that just happened with aj and baron

and confirmation of their hiac match, if we needed it

but now here's the indian contingent

flanking jinder

(sick burn)

this week jinder is apparently here to compliment shinsuke

oh, no, he's going to laugh at his face some more

who wrote this angle

and who didn't fire them

as they were laughing at one picture, he started moving

THE FEED IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE BUILDING

shinsuke announces his presence, cue the best entrance

jinder freaks out, the singhs rush him and get beaten up

allowing jinder to come from behind and slam shinsuke into things

like he does so...

well, like he does

shinsuke fights back, beats up all three and kinshasas jinder

end segment, hire new writers

apparently tonight will be the first owens/zayn match on smackdown live

this is the only reason they rebranded, so they could make that matchup fresh again

up next, hype bros/usos

and here come the new day, who are notably neither of those teams

they've brought popcorn and snacks

presumably to lurk and be hilarious for this match

after this cancer ad

i'm not convinced by the SUPER DELUXE FURNITURE KALEIDOSCOPE graphics for tlc

better or worse than HANDS AND SKUUUUUUUULLS

hard to say

but i think the designer of both needs to calm the fuck down a bit

back from ads, the bros are already in but the usos get an entrance

new day are in the front row of the crowd

but e still has binocualrs

bell rings, the usos immediately kick a significant percentage of the shit out of mojo

new day start a mojo chant, giving him enough of his namesake back to get a hot tag

looked away to answer the phone, came back thirty seconds later to see the usos get the pin

why is this such a ppv setup show when there's another week to go

usos get mics, go over to call the new day out

e produces a mic from his box of popcorn, because of course he fucking does

new day clap back, xavier challenges them to a cell match

that match will be every flavour of bonkers, and i am very excited for it

corey's like well we have to wait and see whether it gets made official

because apparently he doesn't know how wrestling challenges work

but up next, plovdiv pride

wait, i'm being told that that may not mean what i think

after this ad for raw

and here's aiden?

in a lovely suit

he's emceeing the party

what a cravat

(actual cravat for once)

and he has the mayor of plovdiv with him

huge if true

aiden does a big hype piece for rusev, he comes to the ring as aiden sings the national anthem

crowd boo and do usa chants, because dicks

okay, imma have to look up the bulgarian national anthem and see if this is actually it

if it is, props to aiden

well, at least half the crowd held the boos until after the national anthem

okay, one research break later i can confirm that someone in dubby dubby wee actually did their homework this time

the mayor is reading from a scroll kindly held by aiden

in bulgarian, obv

boos resound

i caught some of it, because it's quite similar to russian

repeats the speech in english for the cheap seats

and apparently september 26th is now rusev day

add that to your calendars

i didn't mention it, but rusev is wearing a natty waistcoat and on a bulgarian flag podium throughout

rusev thanks the mayor, replays the vt of his nine-second win over randy

plovdiv has the cheapest-ass key to the city i've ever seen

and believe me, i've seen the keys to many cities

rusev repeats his claim to have ripped out randy's fangs

p sure i'd remember that

it's apparently his jungle now

which is handy, because nobody had said anything about a jungle before now

aiden has a rusev day song he wrote for us

randy appears out of the crowd to rko aiden mid-flow

and then i thought for a minute he rko'd the mayor as well

but rusev had pushed him out of the way and gallantly taken the fall for him

there's way more nationalism on this episode than i'm comfortable with, ftr

but now, sami gets called into bryans office/curtain corridor/upholstery and poster shop

apparently shane is on his way

sami wants him to hold off so he can beat on kevin himself

bryan will see what he can do

but up next, charlotte/carmella

after this ad for 2k18

and yet another total bellas plug

and now randy's in a corridor

accosts renee, rather than the other way round for once

gives her a challenge for rusev at hiac if she sees him

wishes her a happy rusev day, leaves

and now we're back in the room

with charlotte

but still no peacock robe

booo

really long recap vt of charlotte/nattie

when it could be summed up with 'she's a hart, she's a flair, not gonna go well'

carmella arrives with her briefcase and her boo on his leash

which she then fastens to the turnbuckle

i have no clue what they're trying to go for with this, but i'm enjoying it

tom's like corey, you're down with the alternative kids, the fuck is this about

carmella distracts the ref with deviously detachabale jewellery, letting ellsworth push her off the turnbuckle

which was kind of charlotte's own fault for going up the turnbuckle her enemy's minion was chained to, tbh

carmella hits her with a dodgy-ass crossbody

charlotte kind of had to jump into it to take the bump

and after a functional few minutes, carmella eats a superkick for the pin

this remains such a ppv setup show

what will we do next week

now here’s nattie in new gear

even more transparent than usual

she's like hey char good to know your dad's ok he can watch me kick you to death at hiac lollllll

grin, end thing

this episode, snickers brings us the debut of cena for some unstated reason

but more importantly, fashion files returns next week

and by next week, i do of course mean two days ago

time, eh?

and...

undertaker bongs?

whaaaaaa

oh wait, it'll be dolph

the announce team are all buying into it because of course they are

oh hey, corey's got his number

just like really dolph the fuck is wrong with you

while this is true, the big hat kind of suits him

the crowd twigs, they hate him

he's like come on guys, did you really think you'd see taker twice in one year

which is fair

i need a gif of him going "Ahhhhh, the 90s" there

halfway through his usual rant about how anyone can gimmick, here's a walking gimmick to...prove his point?

anyway, it's bobby roode

i could cheerfully slap both men in this feud

bobby gets into the ring, calls dolph out for being a hypocrite

someone had to

are they trying to angle him as a kind of face-of-the-people babyface here?

cos that's just weird after his nxt run

challenges dolph for hiac

crowd chant for it, dolph's like i don't give a shit guys, shut up

dolph accepts, tries to do the rest in peeeeeeacehmgrlfrgn, bobby shuts him up so he can say glorious some more

but now, main event time

all the matches in this episode have been functional at best, so hopefully this'll pick it up

after this ad for 205 and a recap of all the shit that went down with enzo

and here's a sami

specifically zayn

although i do kind of want him to ride a eindeer to the ring

and here's kevin, no bullshit

bell rings, mutual pummelling begins

these guys are fighting like they're very aware that another segment overran and they don't have a lot of time

so they're just having the same match, but sped up like 20%

sudden cut to another feed, shane is in the building

back in the ring

kevin dodges a crossbody into a beautiful superkick

clip from the ad break of sami hitting a brainbuster on kevin on the apron

okay, yeah, these guys are elevating it

sami jumps over a popup attempt, counters into a blue thunder bomb

kevin dodges a helluva kick, so sami hits an absolutely brutal tope on him instead

and by 'on him' i do of course mean 'largely on his own ankles'

goes for a torpedo ddt, kevin blocks with another superkick

lovely timing there

and hits the apron powerbomb

at which point the ref calls for the bell

because apparently that move was worse than sami's apron brainbuster?

enter some medics to do helpful yet unspecified medical stuff

sami tries to fight them off while being functionally dead in his usual 'dead fish who will fucking have you' style

kevin sits on the announce table watching all this, then decides he sitll has more rage to vent, and bodychecks through sami and all the medics

and now he has a chair

KEVIN OWENS OF EARTH.

YOU HAVE GREAT RAGE IN YOUR HEART.

puts the chair around sami's neck, sets him up to throw him into the post, and HERE COMES THE MONEEEEEEEY

shane mcmahon, a man of deep principles who will only intervene when one of his employees is inches from death

kevin throws sami at him, hitting him in the face with his chair necklace, and runs away

another average day in the life of kevin 'maladjusted preteen' owens

everything focuses on shane and kevin staring at each other between the ring and the top of the stalls, and corey's like ummmm should someone maybe check on sami?

and we fade with that question still hanging in the air

but hey, sami'll be fine

we all know those two are like those irritating paired bosses in every rpg where you have to kill them at the same time or they'll just keep bringing each other back

nothing short of a complete detonation of canada will stop them

and on that bombshell, good night!

(i hate myself)

0 notes

keepyourpantsongohan · 8 years ago

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Ayesha Liveblogs Fairy Tail S7 Part 2

Natsu and Gray went on a battle date how cute

“If there’s something you don’t want to see then stop looking” 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Lmao at this point Fairy Tail is just kind of like ‘we were 100% expecting for someone to fight us this is just our life’

“Sorry kid, I like ‘em full grown” FANTASY JELLAL IS FANTASTIC

Playing keepaway with the one magical item that might help you is probably not a good idea

“Children are much easier to assassinate” calm down Lord Voldemort

This is the most adorable dark power I’ve ever seen

“Girls just aren’t meant for fighting” KILL THEM LADIES

Natsu’s using a pretty loose definition of ‘adult’

Regression Man has not taken into account that Gray has been ready to fight since birth

Someone needs to protect these small traumatized babies

I’m so proud of Gray for being so good at strategizing even when he’s like three feet tall

It seems likes a poor decision to kill a demon on top of a sacred alter

DRAGON UNCLE THE FIRE DEITY

I’m laughing at Gray grabbing Lucy’s forehead I guess that’s one way to cool her off

“We don’t know why, or who’s responsible,” said Grand Doma, as Doranbolt and Lahar shared a look that said ‘Jellal?’

Well that escalated quickly poor Doranbolt he’s had a rough few years he must have the worst case of survivor’s guilt in history

“I could’ve sworn he already gave Juvia a clear cut answer in the form of a ‘No’” He did someone teach Juvia about consent

If they are going after former council members I am very concerned for Jellal

It’s been a wild of ride from Laxus “I Will Murder All My Friends Including My Grandpa” Dreyar to Laxus “Defender of Little Girls and Old Men” and “Probably Fuckbuddies with Freed” Dreyar

Poor little lightning man he deserves better than this

I love that Loke is present during important times because he’s a full-fledged member of the guild in his own right

Did Loke just tell Wendy that he fucked his way into important knowledge

The answer is yes, yes he did

Michello is a piece of shit he wants Lucy to sacrifice a pregnant woman

“You leave the town out of this,” said Natsu, before proceeding to destroy more of the town

This is awful Elfman has already lived with the guilt of killing Lisanna once

I imagine “Immorality and Sinners” will not be nearly as fun an episode as the title might imply

Midnight’s new character design is less goth and more Void

Leave Jellal and Erza be!!! They deserve a home together and five dogs not torture and guilt and five-on-one battles

Maybe I should rescind my comment on Juvia, Gray seems to be far more accepting of her presence near him than before

I KNEW HE LOOKED TOO MUCH LIKE GRAY HE’S 100% GRAY’S DAD I BET

“There’s a victim inside every villain - that doesn’t absolve us of our sins” I love Jellal so much

This intro has induced a lot of stress what are they going to do to the guild hall what is going to happen to Jellal’s eyes please stop

Why do they keep shooting holes through the people I love

What the fuck man can Jellal see or what surely there were better ways to break through an illusion

Chairman Crawford, probably: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal

Kyoka, after murdering someone: It would seem that I have blundered

Mirajane is my beautiful demon queen she could definitely step on me

“You’ve implied that there may be a time and I am oh so willing to wait” I live for Loke ddfkjghksjghjkhfklg

Lmao @ Alzack carrying his little girl in his poncho while he battles The Ultimate Dad

If Mira claims to have demon blood does that mean her siblings are half-siblings and also is Gray part demon because of Silver? Unclear

[Timberland voice] Only got 41 minutes to save the world

A lot of Fairy Tail’s problems this season would be solved if people communicated better

My best guess for the soul is Gildarts by merit of the fact we haven’t seen him since before the games

Nope

“Are you trying to beat me or take me home? Because either way I’m not that easy!” I am deadass in love with this boy

Good for Wendy it’s about time she enhanced her combat abilities I know she’s a healer but she’s also a dragon slayer

Based on how many repeated shots there are this season plus the different animation they have a lower budget but they will spend every cent they have animating Gray’s titties

This is so fucked up why the little girl and the cat what the fuck

DORANBOLT TO THE RESCUE WHAT A BABE

I fucking forgot about Hades’ finger guns good lord

Richard thinks Jellal is in love with Merudy because he has not seen him interact with Erza for ten seconds in the past seven years

“You don’t choose for her” Cobra is a closet women’s rights activist

Amazing Jellal and Merudy can win over the hearts of villains with beautiful sincerity and inadvertent charm

The Strauss family is so Pure

Lucy is always losing her top after a battle but you know what so is Gray so fair enough

I wasn’t expecting to feel so sad about the celestial spirits oh no

LUCY IS GOING TO WIELD HER OWN PHYSICAL ATTACKS AGAIN YESSSSSSSSS

“The passion is electric” Even the villains are always gay for Erza

Gajeel, Juvia, Gray and Natsu forming #ProtectLucySquad is my aesthetic

“I’ve liked Gray for much longer than he has” I’m pretty sure his dad’s not going to try to bang him Juvia

It’s like since Doranbolt was being a good surrogate dad to Wendy they had to immediately contrast it with what a terrible dad Jiemma was

They do an impressive amount of keeping track of when things happened to them because in Gray’s mind his parents’ deaths must’ve happened ten years ago

Oh no Gray his going to fight Deliora while wearing his dad’s corpse

My baby is so smart using the elements around him to fight

“You shut your filthy demon mouth!” Panther Lily sounds so offended yet so calm it’s hilarious

Gray’s life is so sad let him be (but I’m happy that he’s going to be in this arc more)

Silver is embodying my will and giving Gray the world’s longest hug

“I’m an ice demon slayer now,” Well that was quick and convenient

I don’t really think Juvia is going to die but if she does it’ll be unfortunate

I just really want all of Fairy Tail to know that Lucy saved the she deserves that acknowledgement

“This is how I die, drowning, falling, fading into black,” Gajeel is so dramatic

I can’t believe that Levy just gave underwater CPR I’m not sure if that’s medically sound

GAJEEL DOESN’T KNOW LEVY KISSED HIM also Gajeel’s plan is totally what I thought Levy was gonna do

Laxus my lightning baby is back <3

“I’m running solely on vengeance” Laxus pls

Gajeel is watching this fight terrified and a little turned on

I guess there’s a reason the voice of Laxus was cast as Fight Dad in Bleach because he is truly the Fight Dad of this guild

For the most part they try to show that no one is beyond redemption, everyone has the potential to be better or have someone they care for except Tempester who is like ‘by the way fuck you all’ as he dies

That is a plot twist I was not expecting holy shit Natsu’s dad was hiding in his body does that mean that Wendy and Gajeel also have dragons inside of them

Kinda fucked up that Kyoka is goddess of the slave planet and she’s fighting Erza who was once a slave

Juvia is just gently holding Laxus like ‘I will protect this man twice my size’

“Even making the slightest of movements causes my entire body to be wracked with pain” same Panther Lily same

Erza is the greatest warrior I have ever seen in my life

Mard Geer is so upset about being ignored by the dragon bros

OH MY GOD GAJEEL IS PAUSING IN TRANSPORTING THE WOUNDED TO SING FOR LEVY

No one loves a dramatic entrance as much as Gray Fullbuster

I love the lizard boys

Honestly Natsu and Gray teaming up to fight the Big Bad is the battle I’ve been waiting for my whole life

“The only thing she was ever going to be good for was continuing my bloodline” it is possible Jiemma is the worst father in this show

My boys are so in sync they can match each other’s strikes without even saying a word

I’M SO PROUD OF MY BOYS THEY DID GOOD

Doranbolt is so graceful that coat toss arced right onto Lisanna’s shoulders

Fucking Jellal has he just been walking around for hours while the world is ending dude needs to work on his timing

Zeref, talking about his own murder: It saddens me, but you failed

“If you don’t get that he’s out of your league by now, you’re probably a lost cause” Fdfkghkdfjhgkfdjghklf Bickslow and Freed are killing me

I have a lot of emotions about Gray and his dad but I’m glad he’s at peace

“It is possible though, that our paths will someday cross” Erza’s garbage boyfriend missed the battle but drops by with vaguely inspiring words and a lowkey ‘I’ll call you’

Whaaaaaaaaaaat Mest has had the most confusing life

It’s a testament to how tired I am that it did not occur to me right away that Etherious Natsu Dragneel spelled out END

#ayesha liveblogs ft #ayesha talks anime #liveblogging #i want to get up to date on the manga but also the show will come back and it's always fun to learn as i watch

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