#there goes any chance of anyone thinking I'm near

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[mosskissed]

best friend shidou, who is a complete and total nuisance any time he goes out with you and your other friends — hovering around you like a shark, baring his teeth and scaring off anyone who shows any sign of interest in you. you've officially gone and invited the world's greatest cockblock out, and the best part?

you've never even realised it until tonight.

("dance with us," you begged your friend from work, tugging on her hands when she looked content to stay seated in the booth with the rest of your coworkers.

she snorted and glanced over your shoulder, no doubt at where shidou was lingering while he waited for you. "i'm nowhere near drunk enough to third wheel you and your guard dog; i was half-expecting him to start humping your leg in the middle of the club last month. do us all a favour and bang it out already, would ya?")

you hadn't taken her seriously at the time, scrunching your nose up at her words but letting shidou pull you away to a spot near the corner of the dance floor. even then, her remark only echoes in your mind a while later when a guy tries to dance with you.

he's cute, entirely your type — but you never get to give him a proper chance. you're jerked backwards when shidou curls a toned arm around your waist, anchoring you in so you're left pinned against him with just enough wiggle room to keep swaying your hips to the beat of whatever song is playing.

you've never been bothered by how clingy he is; it's hard to be put off by that stuff when you've grown up sharing single beds together on sleepovers. but the way his arm tightens around you? and the way he snarls at the guy to fuck off? this is definitely something that needs to be nipped, you think to yourself when he only backs off once the other guy has walked away.

maybe this is on you for never taking him seriously. shidou's always been possessive, from toys to favourite characters to you, he's never been great at sharing. somewhere along the way, you must've learned to turn a blind eye to it, and now you've landed a best friend who can't let anyone else so much as look at you.

your parents did always gush that you'd make a perfect couple when you grew up. you'd never really thought about it past the rush of embarrassment it filled you with; it sounded so gross to you as a kid, even though shidou would just grin at you every time he heard it.

he still smiles at you like that now, sometimes. it never fails to make your stomach flip, inexplicably nervous.

years of hearing stuff like that must've filled him with some strange sense of ownership over you, but whatever claim he thinks he has on you needs to be stopped now before it becomes a genuine problem somewhere down the line.

your decision is made for you when you witness another guy smile at you, making as if to approach before catching sight of shidou and whatever face he's pulling behind you back at him. you sigh mournfully at the 180 he does, tactfully withdrawing into the crowd.

you grit your teeth before turning to face shidou, resenting the way he has to bend down to get close enough to hear you. "you've gotta quit it," you say flatly.

he doesn't waste a second. "quit what?" you can see the way he's biting down on the inside of his cheek to try and smother a smile before it can show, head tilted in faux-innocence.

you frown, only growing more frustrated when he smooths the crease between your eyebrows out with his thumb, clearly not taking you seriously. "you’re scaring everyone away from me! i wanna go home with someone tonight, ryu—"

whatever you're about to say next is silenced at the way he looks at you. it's scathing, his face twisting in a way that suggests you've just said something incredibly dumb. "... i'm not stopping you."

"you're so annoying!" you're full-on scowling now, aggravated at him playing innocent when you've personally witnessed him intimidate two different men away in a 5 minute timespan. "what do you mean you aren't stopping me? you won't let anybody come near me!"

he's straight up grinning at this point, all teeth, and you know now that this conversation isn't going to achieve anything tonight. you huff and step back, ready to just call the night a bust and head home for the night.

you're stopped by shidou grabbing your hips tightly through your dress, palms burning hot through the fabric while his fingers dig in tight enough to bruise, pulling you in close until you're flush against him.

you're too busy trying to regain your footing to notice it right away, but then he pushes his hips forward purposefully and you feel it — the unmistakeable feeling of his cock, hard against your stomach.

you freeze like a deer in headlights, eyes darting straight up to see what he's trying to pull. this close, you can see how long his eyelashes are, the dizzying scent of his cologne mixed with a hint of sweat slowing your brain. it felt big, you think helplessly to yourself, rubbing your thighs together absentmindedly. since when has your best friend been packing?

"i told ya, i'm not stopping you from going home with someone tonight," he shrugs. a filthy grin splits his face when lets one of his hands drift from your waist to your ass, palming a greedy handful and pressing you against him firmer — and god, did you just feel his cock twitch? "but if you even think about taking some loser back to your place instead of me, i'm not responsible for what happens to 'em."

[evemeows]

i am once again thinking about cowboy/lumberjack/farmer/general blue collar worker logan and the sweet young thing that is his boss' daughter...

cw: explicit smut MDNI, unprotected piv, creampie, implied virginity loss, implied age gap, afab reader wears a dress, logan refers to her as 'princess' 'sweetheart', wrote this on my phone and did not edit it amen, if i missed any tags please lmk!

wc: 693 words

"This is so- fuck- so wrong, sweetheart..." His guttural grunt made your eyes flutter shut and a shudder run down your spine and straight to your pussy, "Ruinin' ya like this, what would your daddy think, huh?"

You couldn't reply even if you wanted to, to try to convince Logan this only felt right, and who gives a shit what anyone else thinks. Instead your mind was a puddle at your feet. Or it would be, but he had you hiked onto the wall of the barn, your legs wrapped around his waist.

Your sundress was pushed up and over your tits so his hands could roughly grope them when he had the chance.

You simply rested your sweaty forehead on his shoulder, clutching his arms tightly as he rutted up into you. "Lo- Logan!" A squeal wrought from your chest as he shifted slightly, pulling you down further on his cock as one of his hands abandoned your tit to rub tight circles on your swollen clit.

Just as you went to beg for more he hit the gummy spot inside you that had your vision spanned with black dots. Logan grinned at you, feeling how awfully close to the edge he'd brought you.

"Better princess? Tha' the spot that's gonna make my sweet girl come?" You could only marvel at how not out of breath he sounded, almost unaffected by your damn near literal roll in the hay that unless you didn't have his cock throbbing inside of you and feel how taut his muscles were, you'd think this was just another day for him.

You nodded and pulled your head back, a whine caught in your throat at the debauched look of his hair tousled and flannel pushed down his shoulders. You dipped in for a kiss and Logan pulled back, a mischievous look on his face, "What's that, sweetheart? Gotta use your- ngh- words."

"Fuck! Want a kiss, please, please-" You continue to beg, wanton moans and cries slipping from your lips before he finally captures your mouth with his.

It's wet and barely louder than the slick sounds of your cunt as he fucks up into you at that same breakneck speed. Before Logan even goes to break the kiss, your high hits.

A keening noise rises high in your throat, met by Logan's grunt as you gush around him. He reared back, desperate to see your orgasm contort your face with pleasure.

All through it, he continues to rut into you, keeping that oh so steady pace that had you whimpering with overstimulation. Your nails dug deep enough into his biceps to draw blood, the feeling causing his eyes to roll slightly.

"Keep doin' that n squeezing me like that, and I'm gonna cum, princess," He spoke it as if it was a threat but all you heard was salvation. You nodded and looked him right in the eyes.

With a hand moving up to grip the back of his head of hair, "Wan' you to fill me up, please, Lo? Please- I need it-" A soft gasp escaping your lips once more as tears filled your eyes, pain and pleasure mixing in all the overwhelming new feelings.

It seemed that was all the permission he needed, a hoarse groan your only warning before he buried himself deep and came inside your cunt, warming you from the inside out as heat burns your cheeks.

Logan pants against your shoulder, small and inconsequential murmurs of praise falling from his mouth as you struggle to gain the ability to breathe much less speak again.

Hours later when you've come back around to your senses while picking a splinter of wood from the barn out of your back, you'll look back on this moment and wonder why it took you so damn long to finally make a move on your father's worker.

Because as you slip down from his waist and let your dress fall down to your knees- which are weak as jelly, wavering underneath you- and Logan's arm slides around your waist with a reserved smile, propping you up against him, you swear you can feel yourself falling anyways.

[mattslolita]

꒰ biker!matt sturniolo ꒱ ⟡ headcanons !

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

꒰ SFW! ꒱

biker!matt would . . .

✦ have met you at a party, no doubt — he noticed you in your short, black dress with the ribbon tied in your locs as you stood around uneasily among the crowd of people you didn't know. he made it his mission to have spoke to you by the end of the night. sweet, unsuspecting you wouldn't have realized he'd been standing near you until you accidentally get bumped against him as he's leaning against a wall.

"oh! m'so sorry bout' that, i didn't see you there."

"s'alright, sweetheart. why's a sweet girl like you doin' at a party like this anyway, huh?"

"my friend dragged me here, i'd be home reading if i had it my way."

"want me to take ya home?"

biker!matt would . . .

✦ take you on a long, late night ride whilst you fill his head with any random thought that pops into your head — and as time goes on, you find yourself on more late night bike rides around the city with him, your figure huddled up close to his as you enjoy the breeze that sifts alongside you both.

biker!matt would . . .

✦ keep you close to him when you guys go out — his hand hangs dangerously low on your hips just above your skirt, and when he feels you drifting away he's immediately pulling you back towards him.

"aht, stop movin' around so much."

"sorry..."

✦ when you're leaning against his bike, he's got both if his hands resting right above your ass while massaging your lower back area. and he enjoys how flustered you get when his hands are on that particular part of your body — it's fun watching you squirm slightly under his touch.

"s'got you so worked up doll, huh? stay still..."

"keep your hand up there, an' maybe i could!"

biker!matt would . . .

✦ love picking out your outfits — his favorites are the cute little mini skirts you wear paired with a cute cardigan and matching bows that go in your hair.

✦ doesn't hesitate to take you shopping, either per your request or just because he wants to do something nice for you. he'll watch you pick out whatever you like, then let you drag him into the dressing rooms as you try on various outfits.

"whatcha think about this skirt? is it too short?"

"makes your ass pop out nicely. put it in the cart."

"matt!"

biker!matt would . . .

✦ unfortunately not put a label on you guy's relationship — he's not one to trust easily, so he's not ready to give you that title yet. however, he'd do things to let others know you're off limits such as...

biker!matt would . . .

✦ let you wear his signature leather jacket, no doubt because he wants everyone to know that you're his. if you're at some kind of outing, he'll casually drape it over your shoulders and shoot a death glare to anyone who even thinks about trying it.

✦ he'll make you put his jacket on when you insist on straying away from him to join your friends, but the jacket made sure to serve its purpose as a constant reminder to anyone.

"y'keep this on, 'kay? don't need anybody thinkin' they can try it."

"i highly doubt they will matt, i'm-"

"y'know i don't take no for an answer, bunny. keep the jacket on, got it?"

"yes sir."

biker!matt would . . .

✦ never let you smoke cigarettes, yet he keeps his marlboros tucked in the pocket of you denim skirt or your pocket in your cardigan — you got a custom made blue, eeyore lighter just for him.

"here, come light this f'me sweetheart."

✦ he's holding the cancer stick up to his lips whilst you flick the lighter on, getting momentarily distracted by how the fire accentuates his features but you focus again as the fire catches onto the cigarette successfully.

꒰ NSFW! ꒱

biker!matt would . . .

✦ fuck you against his bike any chance you got — he'd have you bent over, your hands perched on the seat as he's pounding into you from behind mercilessly.

"fuck, gonna make a mess all over my bike, aren't ya?"

"thas it sweet girl, fuckin' take it."

biker!matt would . . .

✦ have his hands all over you — his ring clad hands with either be wrapped around your neck whilst he's got you in missionary and doggy,

"fuckin' like being choked, sweetheart? wan' me to do it harder? such a naughty girl..."

✦ or they're groping your titties whilst you ride him.

"jus' like that doll, doin' so good f'me..."

biker!matt would . . .

✦ have a major corruption kink — everyone thinks you're his sweet, innocent girl clad in her cute bows and quiet personality; but matt knows better, and every chance he gets he's always reminding you about how he knows you're a freak ass on the low.

"always so quiet got nothin' comin' out ya mouth, now you're chokin on my dick like the good slut you are..."

"you like bein' fucked like this, don't you? such a naughty girl, so perfect f'me..."

biker!matt would . . .

✦ make you cockwarm him at parties when you guys are sitting alone, on the couch or something — if you're moving around too much, he's thrusting up into you subtly to get you to stop.

"s'not that hard doll. jus' sit still, got it? don't you dare move."

"fuck, matt..."

biker!matt would . . .

✦ be a brat tamer! you might be quiet and sweet most of the time, but when you act out, you're bratty — so matt makes sure to put you in your place.

"told you to stop actin' up, didn't i? now look, all fucked dumb on my cock..."

"you cum when i tell you to, got it? y'know what happens with you disobey me..."

"keep talkin' back sweetheart an' i'll give you somethin' to whine about..."

( lilly's corner 💌 )

i am all things biker!matt, y'all. this is mostly inspired by my biker!matt fic on my wattpad, so i thought i'd share it here🤭. feel free to spam my inbox with more biker!matt headcanons! 💌

@muwapsturniolo @thenickgirl @luverboychris @cottoncandyswisherz @chanelles-world

[cosmicbucky]

A chubby reader who's super self conscious of her belly and bust? Like she's strong and stuff, comes with the higher weight, but just....

Cant really wear anything unless it's sweats and a sweater, or a t-shirt. Almost never goes out.

And one day Bucky comes to the compound. Reader immediately gets a crush, and has major anxiety over it, like "leaving the room when he comes near" anxiety. Bucky thinks it's his fault, that he's done something wrong and talks to you about it.

He decides to talk to you about it, crying ensues because insecurities, and then the fluff.

Sorry this ask is so long, I'm kinda scrambled XP

hi, lovely! 💫

first of all, don't apologize for bringing this beautiful request into my world! i was beyond excited to have the chance to bring this idea to life, and i hope the direction i took with it does justice to what you had in mind!

second of all, i am so sorry this took me so long to put out, this request is so lovely and i really wanted to make it the best i could.

i hope you enjoy!

matches

pairing: bucky barnes x midsize!reader

word count: 3974

warnings: insecurities and self consciousness, mild body image issues, brief self depreciating thoughts, angst, mutual pining, fluff, swearing, allusions to mature themes, let me know if i missed anything!

please do not read this if you're not comfortable with any of the above topics. while they are not heavily focused on, they are the main theme of this fic

a/n: big thanks to @buckylattes for reading this and catching some of the dumb ass mistakes i made lmao

《《《《 ♡ 》》》》

Being part of the Rescue and Reconnaissance division of Stark Industries wasn't the most glamorous job, but you loved it. You got to work nearly hand in hand with field agents every day, formulating plans for raids, rescues, infiltrations, or general takedown missions to make sure all those involved worked as safely and efficiently as possible. 

You were the one they turned to when a new plan was needed; when they were at risk. There were a few agents who refused to listen to anyone other than you when it came to these times - specifically asking for you to help them through. 

Agent Barnes was one of these people, and though you could never voice it, he was your favourite to deal with. He was always kind and courteous, understanding in the fact that despite not being in the same rankings as him, you damn well knew what you were doing. And, well, it didn't hurt that he always found a moment to be a charming little flirt. 

You have no idea why he had such faith in you. Maybe it was because you always took what he suggested into consideration when calculating next steps. Maybe it was because your ideas were as crazy as his sometimes. Maybe it was simply because he liked the sound of your voice. 

You never knew. 

You never actually met him.

All your dealings with field agents were done from the safety of your control room. You never minded it, though. It was nice, in a way. You absolutely loved doing what you do, but you would never be able to handle being around field agents all the time. Not when they look the way they do, and you…. well, you're you. 

Your thighs touch when you walk, your belly shakes when you laugh, your arms jiggle when you move. You have to painstakingly pick out the right kinds of shirts, otherwise your chest will make it seem like you're three times as big as you really are. 

You were the chubby girl who always hid in the shadows, too afraid to let the world see how bright you truly shine - you were a flame ready to ignite, but no one around you ever offered you a match. 

You were used to it. You made peace with it a long time ago, finding solace in your own company instead of relying on other people to enjoy your time with. It still bothered you from time to time, and you let yourself have days where you wallowed in it, wishing things were different, wishing you looked different. Though, for the most part, it stopped bothering you so much the older you got. 

Until the day you finally met Bucky. 

It was a strange day, being sent to the compound. You've never been sent anywhere before, always planted in your seat while talking to field agents across the world. Yet here you were, being requested by Tony Stark himself. 

You must have spent hours trying to find the right outfit. One that showed off your curves without accentuating the extra pudge around your middle. One that complimented your chest without highlighting the size. One that showed off your ass without making it look massive. One that carefully hid your arms. One that you felt comfortable in. 

It felt like your heart was in your throat the whole time. The butterflies in your stomach turned into a full on frenzy, and you had to take deep breaths every few seconds to stay calm; and to not throw up. 

You barely heard it when Tony said he wanted you working under him. You could hardly process it when he said he created a job just for you. You didn't quite understand it when he told you there was space for you at the compound, and he wanted you here full time. 

All you could do was dumbly nod your head, trying to focus on what he was saying instead of the fact that Bucky Barnes was just outside the conference room. 

By the time the meeting was over, you felt lightheaded. You clutched the contract you were given against your chest and took a final deep breath before leaving the room, hoping to get by unnoticed. It's not like he even knew who you really were, right? 

A gentle calling of your name told you that you were very, very wrong. 

Your feet became rooted in place as you squeezed your eyes shut, focusing all you could on calming your nerves before turning around. And jesus christ, nothing could have prepared you for how beautiful this man actually was in person. 

"Hi," you breathed out, a tiny shy smile gracing your lips. 

"Hi," he said, unintentionally mimicking you. 

His eyes travelled over your face before taking their time roaming your body; you shifted uncomfortably and clutched the contract a little tighter as he stayed fixed on you. A smirk graced his lips, but it was gone before you could really focus on it. 

"It's, uh-... it's nice to finally meet you, Agent Barnes," you muttered sheepishly, hesitantly offering him your hand. 

"You can call me Bucky," he said, smiling warmly as he took your hand in his, sending fire throughout your whole body. "I'd like to say thank you for saving my ass as often as you do, but thank you doesn't seem like enough."

You chuckled, feeling your face flush under his gaze. "'Thank you' suffices just fine, Bucky. I've only been doing my job."

"Speaking of," he started, tilting his head a little as he eyed the contract you held. "You gonna take it?" he asked curiously, his eyes snapping back to yours. 

"What?" you asked, caught off guard by his question.

"The job," he said, gesturing between the contract in your hands and the conference room you just occupied. "You gonna say yes?" 

"How do you know about that?" you asked curiously.

"I know things," he said passively, shrugging his shoulders. "How 'bout I show you around? You can see the place before you decide anything."

You wanted to say no. You wanted to run away and retreat into yourself once more. Though something about the way he was looking at you made it hard to do so. 

So, you agreed. 

And that's how everything started. 

You took the job, moving into the compound a few days after that. You quickly made friends with the girls, and they became your support group; they would help you when it came to shopping for clothes or finding the right outfit for events. They offered to go for walks with you or do yoga - anything you felt like doing, really. You still felt inferior to them from time to time, but not because they made you feel that way; no one at the compound did. 

Only yourself. 

When it came to the boys, it was more or less the same thing. You felt comfortable around them, and you never minded close contact or them seeing you in tighter fitting clothes. 

Everyone was family, and it never felt awkward or uncomfortable around them. 

Except for when it came to Bucky. 

You still grew closer to him over the months of you living at the compound so far, but it hasn't been easy. It was a constant challenge, and it grew harder for you day after day.

When it came to you working alongside him on his missions, everything was great. Nothing with him changed, aside from him throwing out a few more flirty comments. And, since you still had the safety net of being behind comms, you threw some right back at him. 

Once the missions were over, though, it was hard to be around him. You wanted to be around him, but it was nearly impossible. Your feelings for him grew, and the stronger your feelings were, the more distant you became. 

You were careful to only wear sweaters or loose tees paired with sweatpants around him, making sure he would never catch sight of the extra weight you carried around. You quit eating around him; it's not like you had bad eating habits, but you couldn't shake the panic that he would somehow be disgusted, that he would think the reason you're so chubby was because of your diet. You stopped sitting near him during movie nights, and you never hugged him. No matter how much you itched to wrap your arms around him when he came home safe from missions, you couldn't risk him feeling the rolls your body carried, or how soft and pudgy you were. 

It was driving Bucky crazy.

From the minute he finally set his eyes on you, he couldn't get you out of his head. He was beyond thrilled when you agreed to Stark's offer, and he couldn't wait to take the opportunity to get to know you - which was a massive step for him. Yet he couldn't shake the feeling he did something to upset you. 

He grew more confused every day. When it came to conversing over the comms during missions, you two were like a well oiled machine; giggles and flirting and jokes of previous missions. No one would ever know something was amiss. 

Yet when everyone would return home, it was like a switch was flipped. You greeted everyone with hugs and smiles and affection, and Bucky always waited patiently for his turn: but it never came. Instead, you turned to him with an awkward smile and shining eyes and gave him the traditional "welcome home, soldier" that, despite everything, always pulled a smile from his lips. 

He racked his brain every night trying to figure out if he did something, if he said something, but he could never come up with anything. He could never find a reason for the way you would some days leave the room as soon as he entered, for why you always hid away from him when he would catch you off guard in workout clothes or formal attire. He could never come up with an explanation and it was eating him alive. 

The final straw came for him on the night of Pepper’s birthday party. 

He didn’t want to go, he never wanted to go to these things, but ever since you came around he found himself more willing to at least make an appearance; if only to see you. However, he wasn’t even positive if you were going to show up this time, given the way you’ve been so distant lately - and that made him not want to go at all. So he was biding his time, sitting in the kitchen and emptying a bottle of whiskey, trying to not make it obvious that he was waiting to see if you’d wander out of your room before he slipped away to the party.

You stood in front of your mirror for what felt like hours, never before feeling more diffident as you assessed your reflection. You’ve been to some of Tony’s parties before, but this was for Pepper - it was the most grandiose one you’ve attended to date. You weren’t left much choice but to dress your fanciest, and you felt so unfamiliar with your own body as your hands trailed down the fabric of your dress. It was form fitting, hugging every curve you had and accentuating your figure in a way you weren’t used to seeing. The straps were small and the cut was low, it travelled midcalf and had a small slit up the side, showing way more of your leg than you wanted. You had a burning desire to change, but Nat insisted you looked incredible, and Wanda already applied a touch of makeup to match the dress - not to mention you were already running late as it was. 

With one last heavy sigh, you steeled yourself before slipping on your heels and marching out of your room. You thought of anything and everything you could as you marched down the hall, doing your best to pay no mind to the way you felt the fabric clinging to your body with every move you made. God, you really should have put on shapewear. 

Bucky heard you before he saw you, your footfalls echoing through the floor in the same pattern he came to memorize in the months you’ve been here. He took a deep breath, prepared for the fact that you would most likely brush him off once more. He was not prepared, though, for the sight of you as you rounded the corner. 

You were not prepared to see him sitting there, clad in a pressed suit, or for him to quite literally choke on the drink he was nursing as he took in your presence. 

“Jesus, Bucky. Are you alright?” you inquired, conflicted between staying where you stood and approaching him. 

A dismissive wave of his hand had you staying in place, your arms wrapping around your middle as you began to feel exposed to him. 

“I’m fine, I’m good,” he coughed out, refilling his glass as if nothing happened. 

You stood there quietly, completely unsure of what to do next. The silence was becoming louder and louder but you didn’t want to draw his attention to you. Not when you were looking like this. Not when he’d be able to see every curve and divot of your body, the protrusion of your stomach, the ample raise of your chest. You were really starting to regret not changing. 

“Are you gonna stand there and stare all night or head to the party?” he asked, keeping his eyes on the glass before him. His tone was playful, but his voice had a rasp to it that sent a shiver down your spine. 

“Oh, uh - sorry,” you muttered, clearing your throat as you slowly advanced in his direction. “Are, um-… are you gonna join the party?” 

He huffed a small laugh, his eyes finally raising to meet yours only to find that you were looking almost everywhere but at him, effectively wiping the small smile from his face. 

“I’m not so sure,” he said lowly, downing the contents of his glass as he kept his eyes on you. 

You hummed, looking down at your hands before chancing a glance at him; his gaze on you so intense that you immediately looked away again. 

“Well, I- I hope to see you there,” you said sincerely, wringing your fingers together. “You look really nice, Buck” you added quietly, looking up at him just long enough to flash him a warm smile before continuing through the kitchen. 

“Did I do something wrong?” he called after you, the hurt in his voice impossible to miss. 

“What?” you asked in confusion, turning to glance in his direction. 

“Did I do something wrong?” he repeated, leaning back in his chair. “Because ever since you moved in here, it’s like you can’t stand the sight of me.” 

You couldn’t help the nervous chuckle that left you, shaking your head in disbelief. “That’s not true.” 

“No?” he asked, his tone taking on a new edge. “Are you sure? ‘Cause you can’t even fucking look at me right now. You practically run from me when I enter the same room, you do everything you can to avoid me, and let’s not forget the fact that I’m the only one around here who you don’t hug after getting back from missions.”

“Bucky-” you tried to explain, but the lump forming in your throat stopped you short. 

“I just wanna know what I did,” he carried on, voice softer this time. “I don’t know if you’re angry with me or- or if you’re scared of me-” 

“I am not scared of you,” you interrupted, finally meeting his gaze. “Please don’t think that.”

“What else am I supposed to think?” he asked quietly. “Everything is fine when I’m out on the field, we- I get along with you better than anyone. But then I come home, and it’s not the same.”

“It’s not-... it’s not like that, Bucky,” you whispered sadly, unintentionally looking away from him again. 

“Yeah, if you say so,” he said curtly, sighing in defeat as he filled his glass again. “Just enjoy the party, okay?”

“You’re not coming?” you asked, unable to keep the disappointment from your voice. 

“Well, you’re just gonna avoid me anyway. Might as well make it easier for you and stay here,” he replied, keeping his eyes on the twirling glass in his hands. 

“I don’t want you to think like that,” you admitted softly. “I- I don’t mean to do the things I do.”

“Then why do they happen?” he inquired, his eyes meeting yours and displaying a painful mix of hurt and confusion. 

“Because,” you started, feeling your bottom lip quiver. “I mean, look at me, Buck,” you finished, as if that was explanation enough. 

“Believe me, I’m looking,” he said gently. “And you look-... well, I wanna say you look beautiful, but that implies you don’t always look beautiful, so, I- I don’t know what I’m supposed to say,” he added, his voice so low he may as well have been speaking to himself, but you heard every word he muttered. 

“...What?” you breathed out, staring over at him. 

“What?” he questioned, glancing up to catch your eye.

You tried to swallow the lump in your throat but it just kept on growing, forcing you to choke on your words. 

“Hey, wait, don’t-... okay, now I really said something wrong, right?” he asked quickly, starting to panic as he watched your eyes fill with tears. 

Shaking your head vehemently, you delicately wiped your eyes, hoping not to smudge the work that Wanda did for you. “No, you- I just didn’t expect you to say that. I-... I'm not used to hearing that." 

"You're not?" he asked, genuinely surprised. 

You almost laughed, and you probably would have if it wasn't such an embarrassing thing to admit. "No. I'm… guys don't really call girls who look like me beautiful." 

He fell silent for a minute, eyeing you carefully before shifting in his seat, resting his arms on the table.

"You know, I've been alive for a pretty long time now," he said conversationally, as if you weren't on the cusp of a breakdown. "And I've also been quite literally around the whole world in that time. Some of it I remember, some of it… not so much. But even so, do you know what the one thing I can say with complete certainty is?" 

You waited for him to go on for a moment before realizing he was actually looking for an answer. "No, what?" you manage to croak out. 

He smiled softly, relaxing in his seat again. "I have, quite literally, never met anyone as beautiful as you. And I mean in both appearance and personality." 

"But I- I'm not… I don't have the kind of body like the other women around here," you murmured, casting your gaze downwards as if you were ashamed of your words. 

"So?" he asked incredulously. "Do you seriously think that you're automatically not beautiful just because you aren't the same size as them?" 

"No, it- you can't- I'm not-" you tried to argue, but all you could get out were a few utterances before you had to choke back a sob, completely lost on how to express yourself. 

"Is this why you've been avoiding me? Have I done something to make you uncomfortable?" he asked anxiously, fighting the urge to approach you. 

"Yes. I mean no, I-" you cut yourself off with a sigh, taking a moment to consider your answer. "I've been too embarrassed to be around you. I-... I was afraid you'd be repulsed by me and that I'd lose you." 

"Repulsed by you? A woman who puts fucking goddesses to shame?" he asked in disbelief. "Did me choking on my drink earlier not prove how taken by you I am?" 

"Is that what that was?" you wondered, letting out a watery laugh. 

"Yeah, that's what that was," he confirmed with a soft chuckle. "A guy does a real life spit take when he sees the girl of his dreams looking like the focus of a goddamn renaissance painting and she doesn't even realize it," he mumbled in exasperation, yet his eyes carried a playful sparkle. 

"The girl of your dreams?" you repeated in shock, your voice a nervous whisper. 

"Was that too cliché?" he questioned, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

"Maybe a little," you said playfully, sniffling quietly. 

"I know how it feels, you know," he said softly. "To feel uncomfortable in your own body. But if you'd let me, I'll spend every day proving to you that I see you as nothing short of perfect." 

You could only nod, giving him a weak smile as you fought back a wave of tears. "Yeah, I-... I could do that, too," you agreed quietly. 

He grinned softly, greedily taking in your appearance once more before tearing his eyes away. "Come on," he urged, downing his drink before standing up. "You owe me about seven dances." 

"Where does that number come from?" you asked with a laugh, watching as he approached you. 

"For how many parties you snubbed me at so far," he replied casually, stopping as he stood before you. 

"I never snubbed you," you grumbled, peering up at him. 

"Sure you didn't," he teased, carefully wiping the tears from your face. 

"Do I still look okay?" you asked nervously, fidgiting slightly under his touch. 

"Gorgeous as ever," he replied sincerely. 

You couldn't help but grin, laughing a little anxiously. "Okay. Come on, or else we won't have enough time for all those dances." 

Bucky laughed happily, taking your hand and rushing to join the party, having you giggling in his wake as you did your best to keep up. 

You let him whisk you away for the rest of the night, leading you through all the dances you owed him; and a few more, for good measure, as Bucky put it. 

He stayed true to his word, and there wasn't a second that you spent with him where you didn't feel like the most ravishing woman to walk the earth.

Especially when he took his precious time in the dark of the night to memorize and worship every inch of your body over and over again.

So as you sat here now, watching from across the room as he danced with the crowd, you couldn't help but feel foolish. Foolish for letting your thoughts take away the extra time you could have had with him, foolish for ever thinking this incredible man would ever judge you for something so trivial. Foolish, foolish, foolish. 

"Penny for your thoughts?" you heard from beside you, ripping you from your reverie.  

You turned your head, grinning as you saw the very man himself had taken up the seat to your left. "What, get tired of dancing already, old man?" 

He gasped, feigning offense as he took in your words. "I'd watch who you're calling old, sweetheart," he warned playfully. 

"I'd watch who you're calling sweetheart. I happen to be a married woman now, you know," you replied jovially.

"Married, huh? Should've known I didn't stand a chance," he lamented, shaking his head. "How about a pity dance?" he suggested with a grin, holding his hand out to you. 

You giggled softly, taking his hand with a grin of your own. "Lead the way, Mr. Barnes." 

"Anything for you, Mrs. Barnes," he replied with a wink, leading you to the dance floor. 

And just like he did three years ago, he whisked you away and led you through a whole seven dances; and a few more, for good measure. 

You were a flame, finally ignited, and Bucky was your match.

[leclercsluvs]

LN4 | Our Forever Moment

masterlist

an: i still don't really know how much i like to make written fics, but i have ideas for them so i'm going to continue to try and write them, i think. my first language is NOT english, so sorry if there's any mistakes <3 pairing: lando norris x fem!reader, vasseur!reader (this is gonna be fun, lowkey not important, gets mentioned like a few times because i forgot) warnings: swearing (like twice) inspired by: mine - taylor swift word count: 6.2k

As she’s being dragged to another race, she wonders when her dad is going to realize she's always running off and never in the garage of his own team, she doesn’t know that he’s fully aware she’s never there. She’s been welcomed by everyone she’s visited though, which does make him happy. She mostly goes to Mercedes and Red Bull, but lately Mclaren has been looking quite interesting. 

“Are you going to stay in the Ferrari garage today? Or am I gonna have to send someone over to Red Bull or Mercedes to find you?" Fred looks at yn with a playful smile.

“I didn’t think you noticed.” She's quite shocked. He always seemed to switch off being a dad whenever they stepped into the garage, so it never even occurred to her that he even wanted her there.

“Who do you think sends someone after you at the end of the day?” He turns back around as they get closer, “I think you, Charles and Carlos would be great friends if you gave them a chance,” they turn and walk into the Ferrari hospitality. “Oh speaking of boys, have you found a boyfriend I need to approve of?” He quickly looks back to see her surprised face before he turns back to see where he’s going, even though he could probably navigate it blindfolded.

“Well first of all, you wouldn’t need to approve of him, this isn’t the middle age,” yn lets out a small laugh, “and second, all of my relationships have failed, you’re partly to blame for pulling me to almost every race, and then I guess I’m just not girlfriend material.” She follows her dad around, because even if she does get pulled to all races, she usually doesn't hang out here for more than 5 minutes before she’s off to find Max or George. 

“Chérie, anyone not willing to spend the short time you're home isn’t worth your time,” he stops in his track turns around and puts a hand on her shoulder, “and I’m not sure if I ever said it, but if you truly would prefer to stay home and only travel to a few, that is fine. I would understand.”

She gives him a reassuring smile, “I know. You wouldn’t have been able to drag me out of the house if I didn't truly want to be here.”

He gives one quick smile before continuing walking, and before she knows it, she’s left to herself because he’s needed for something important.

~~~

It doesn’t take long for Charles to spot yn, sitting by herself, because apparently everyone else is busy today. “Yn? what are you doing here? I thought you’d be off doing something with Max?” Charles looks around to see if Max is around and he just hadn't seen him, but it’s a lost cause, which he should have realized, Max wouldn’t be seen anywhere near anything related to Ferrari. Except for Charles of course.

“No he’s busy. Everyone suddenly got busy.” She looks back down at her phone and the messages between her and her friend, however it would be rude to text back while Charles is in front of her, so she turns it off and stuffs it in her pocket. “I don't really remember the last time everyone, well except for you I guess, was busy at the same time.” 

“Well, I’m meeting Lando and Oscar for lunch, do you want to join us?” Charles asks with a smile, flashing some cute dimples. Not that anything could ever happen between the two. As attractive as Charles may be, her dad was his boss, and nothing good was going to come out of that. 

“I think I’d like that,” she smiles back as she picks up her bag with her essentials, “it’s nothing fancy right? I didn’t really get dressed for something over the top.” She looks down at the ripped jeans and the oversized t-shirt that she’s wearing. Not exactly the cutest outfit.

~~~

“So you still live with your dad?” Oscar asks curiously, they all seemed fairly happy she was invited by Charles. And Oscar, who she hadn’t really spent any time with, has been asking a lot of questions. 

“I do. I may be 21, but living at home is just a little easier. And I like spending time with my dad, even if I run off to other teams at the first chance I get.” She answers as she takes another bite of her food. Lando has been awfully quiet and it didn’t go over yn’s head. She was fully aware of how glued his eyes were to his food. 

“Is it weird? That your dad is responsible for a Formula 1 team?” Oscar almost forgets to eat, because of all the questions he’s asking.

“It was in the beginning, but I've gotten used to it by now,” she takes a sip of water. “Is he always this quiet?” yn looks at the way Lando is poking his food “and is he always just poking his food?” She questions, making Lando's eyes move up for just a split second and then back down to his food.

“No. He’s usually pretty chatty, maybe he’s just nervous for tomorrow," Oscar says, finally eating some of his food. “He doesn’t usually get like this before a race though,” Oscar leans his head a little to the side as if thinking about it, before poking a finger in Lando’s side making him jump a little. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” Oscar asks.

“Maybe he’s got a new crush,” Charles jokes, taking a bite of food just as Lando suddenly coughs and gulps down water.

“Are you okay?” Yn asks as Lando suddenly gets up from his chair avoiding any and all eye contact.

“No, I’m actually not feeling so great. I think I’ll have to cut this short if I want to be good to go by tomorrow.” He quickly gathers his things as everyone looks confused. “Bye!” And then he’s out of there.

“Well that was weird.” Oscar says as he goes back to eating

“Do you think it was me?” Yn looks at the rest of the men sitting around the table, a little sad that she may have ruined their lunch.

Charles smiles. “Yes,” he says, looking at yn, “but in a good way. I think I might be right, even if it was just a joke.” He lets out a laugh. “I’m sure there’s some truth to it.” He goes back to eating, and so does yn, deciding that maybe she’ll talk to Lando in private.

~~~

On his way back to the hotel, Lando struggles to figure out his emotions. Of course yn is absolutely gorgeous. But considering she’s Fred's daughter he wouldn’t dare to think of her as anything but a friend. He may not race for Ferrari, but he still has a lot of respect for the man. And Lando knows about his reputation of not being able to keep his relationships going for long. Hopefully he can just subtly ignore her. Because the feelings, and thoughts he had during that lunch were not friendly. And before he even considers anything, he needs to make sure his feelings for her are romantic, and not just him finding her pretty.

~~~

Lando spent close to 4 months avoiding yn to the best of his abilities, and when he wasn’t ready and she caught him off guard he made up some weird excuse about needing to look at data, test the car, try some new Mclaren merch for photoshoots. Yn usually knew they were lies, and wondered why Lando was so set on avoiding her. To be quite honest, it brought down her mood, and she spent more and more time in the Ferrari garage and hospitality. Her dad sensed something was wrong. She was rarely there and suddenly she never left? Something was going on and he was going to get the bottom of it. 

“I see you’re spending time here today,” Fred sat across from yn. She was eating lunch. Alone. That was how she spent most of her time lately. All alone. Lando had unknowingly made her really anti-social.

“I guess.” She poked a little at the salad she had bought. She didn’t really want it anymore. 

“Did the others have plans?” Fred asks, looking around.

“I’m not sure.”

“Is something bothering you?” Fred asked, concerned for her daughter who used to have a lot to talk about. A lot of people to talk to, and who never spent time at lunch alone in Ferrari.

“Nope.” Fred sighed. He wasn’t going to get any answers. If it was because she genuinely just didn’t feel like talking today or if there was something wrong, he wasn’t sure. But he was gonna ask Max, or maybe Lewis to talk to her. He didn’t want her to be lonely. He got up from his chair. He had to get this started immediately. 

Fred’s quest to find Lewis was surprisingly easy. He found the soon-to-be Ferrari driver hanging out with Charles and Carlos near their own garage. “Lewis! Can we talk?” Fred called out before he reached them. Lewis just nodded and started walking towards Fred.

“Is it about my contract?” Lewis asked cautiously. He knew he hadn’t been performing that great in the Mercedes this year and was afraid Fred was going to only make it a year so he could be finished with him.

“No. I need you to talk to yn. She's suddenly spending a lot of time with Ferrari, but alone. Which, as you may know, isn’t where, or how, she usually spends her time.'' Fred looks really concerned, and it’s like it’s transferred to Lewis immediately. He’s known yn ever since her dad started dragging her along. She would usually spend time with George when she went to Mercedes, but sometimes when George wasn’t there and she just wanted to be somewhere else, Lewis and yn would play some games. Usually chess. Lewis was definitely better than yn but she still loved it. They could often lose track of time and suddenly one from the Mercedes team would come and get Lewis to either do some media related stuff or because it was time to get ready for a race.

“Of course! Now that you mention it, I haven't seen her around Mercedes for quite some time now. I’ll see what I can do, if I can't figure it out, I'll have Max ask her. They’ve always had quite a special bond I don't understand” Lewis gives the man a reassuring smile and a clap on the shoulder “Don’t worry, we’ll get her back to her talkative self very soon.”

“Thanks Lewis,” Fred looks relieved, but only for a second when his eyes widen. “Do you think Max did something to her? To make her feel this way?” He looks around as if he's scanning the surroundings for Max. And good thing he isn’t around. It wouldn’t have been a good outcome.

“I doubt it. He’s always been nice. Especially to her,” when he realizes how that may sound to the man in front of him and the way his eyes narrow, he quickly adds “as a friend. Not romantically. I’m pretty sure he’s actually in a relationship.” Fred seems to almost relax at those words and gives Lewis a quick pat on the shoulder

“Hurry up and get my daughter back. I miss her.” and with that he walks off. Hopefully not to find Max. And if so, Lewis sure is glad he isn’t Max right now.

~~~

When Lewis finally finds yn sitting just on the outside of the track he’s surprised she was allowed. But then again she probably just mentioned being Fred's daughter and she was allowed. “Hey there. Looking cozy. Mind if I join you?” He doesn’t wait for a response, just sits down next to her on the grass.

“What do you want?” She asks. Not really feeling the company right now.

“You haven’t been spending much time with George lately. Have you been spending more time with Max?”

“No.” Straight to the point. But not really the point Lewis was looking for.

“Have you been spending time with Charles and Carlos? Since you’re spending so much time with Ferrari at the moment?”

“Would that be a crime?” She looks at Lewis, and he sees something different. Her eyes don't look as alive as they usually do. They’re missing the glow that makes yn herself.

“Yn, is something wrong? You know you can talk to me. Or Max,” he waits for a second, not sure if he should continue, but as she starts plucking at the grass without answering he decides she needs to know. “Your dad is worried about you.”

“Oh.” She answers, plucking a few more grass straws

“Did something happen?” Lewis asks, trying a different approach.

“I don't know. Maybe you should ask Lando.” Lewis is unsure what Lando has to do with this entire situation, but he promised Fred to get to the bottom of it, so he will.

“Did he do anything?” Lewis is ready to fight Lando. “If so, I’ll gladly talk to him”

“Well, maybe he’ll talk to you,” yn shrugs and gets up from the grass. “I have no idea what I did to him. He seemed happy enough about me being invited to join him, Oscar, and Charles for lunch a couple months ago, and then during lunch he was so quiet, barely looking up from his food and then he suddenly said he wasn’t feeling great and needed to leave.” Yn turns around and looks at Lewis, tears starting to form in her eyes. “He has ignored me ever since. Every time I’ve tried to talk to him he either runs away or makes up some dumb excuse to get away from me,” she wraps her arms around herself as if to protect herself. “I’m sorry,” she says, shakes her head and turns around again and starts walking away. “I shouldn't have put all of this on you. I'm probably just overthinking it anyway.”

"Wait!" Lewis is quick to get up from the grass and gets a hold of yn’s arm, ”I’m glad you told me. Let me talk to Lando. See if I can figure out why he’s avoiding you. Maybe there’s a reason,” yn smiles a small smile, but it’s better than the empty expressions she's had lately. “Nice to see you’re still capable of smiling.” Lewis returns it with a smile of his own and guides her towards the Mclaren hospitality. “Now let’s get to the bottom of this.”

“Thank you. Not just for this, but also for always putting up with my bullshit.” Yn looks straight ahead. She wasn’t exactly planning on saying any of that, but oh well. It won’t hurt anyone. 

Lewis just laughs and pushes her lightly. “You should be grateful. It's impossible to keep putting up with it.” If he wasn’t laughing while saying it, she would have been hurt, but she just laughs with him and follows him, to hopefully get some answers from Lando.

~~~

Lando was not expecting to see Lewis, so he wasn’t able to run off as quickly as he usually does, and when he spots yn behind Lewis, he tries to make up some excuse about having to talk to an engineer about a possible car problem but Lewis stops him. “Lando. That’s enough.” He puts a hand on Lando's shoulder before he gets a chance to run off. “Why do you keep running away from yn?”

Lando sighs, he can’t run away from it anymore. “I kinda would prefer for this conversation to happen between just me and yn.” He runs a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck. 

Lewis looks back at yn, then at Lando, then back at yn, “are you fine with that?” He asks, while she nods and follows Lando into his drivers room

“So.” Lando starts, not really sure how to get the conversation going.

“Why have you been ignoring me for the past 4 months?” Yn asks, wanting to get this solved as soon as possible. “Did I say something that upset you so much during lunch that day?” Yn can feel the tears threatening to spill over, but she would like to get through this conversation without crying.

“No! Oh my god. Not at all!” He turns around because he’s not sure he can look at her while telling her this. “I think I might, sort of, have feelings for you.” The room is filled with silence. Lando is almost afraid she ran out of the room, If it wasn't for the fact he could hear her breathing. 

“So you decided the best action was to avoid me?” Yn asks, with a playful grin. If she had known this was all it was she would have had someone talk to him earlier. 

Her playful tone makes Lando turn around with a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ignored you or run off every time you tried talking to me. I was just afraid I would end up spilling a full love confession, and I’m not sure your dad would be too happy with that.”

“Well he doesn’t get a say in my love life.” Yn closes the distance between her and Lando. 

“I suppose you’re right.” Lando takes a step forward, making the distance between them smaller.

“So are you going to be doing anything about it?” Yn tilts her head slightly.

“When I have planned it,” Lando smiles and takes a step back as he feels a vibration in his pocket. “Damn, I actually do have to go now,” a text from his engineer asking him to come back for a meeting. Lando grins and walks towards the door, “but you're totally free to stay here until I’m back. And trust me, I’ll be spending the entire meeting planning the perfect way to ask you out.” He flashes a quick smile before he's out of the door and yn is left alone in the room. But this time being all alone is different. She doesn't feel all alone. She’s the happiest she’s been in four months.

~~~

“I have the perfect plan.” Lando and Oscar are doing a track walk just to have something to do and make sure the track is fresh in their memory for the practice the next day. 

“Yeah?” Oscar isn’t really sure it’s going to be as perfect as Lando thinks it is. “Are you totally sure about that?” He questions, raising an eyebrow, while taking in the surroundings of Monaco.

“I’m 100% sure.” Lando nods. He knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s in fact not going to ask directly. He’s made a fun little game, and got a few drivers in on it. “Just promise me to not ruin it when she comes to you.” Oscar sighs. He obviously isn’t going to spoil it.

“How are you going to ask her? If you aren’t doing it directly.”

“That’s a surprise.” And no matter how much Oscar pushes, Lando doesn't tell. Just smiles and shakes his head.

The next day when yn arrives at the paddock Alex greets her as soon as she’s arrived. “For you.” He says and hands her a letter.

“For me?” Her face is full of confusion as she opens the letter. 

“Dear yn, I’ve made a little scavenger hunt for you. I hope you’re going to have fun. At the end you’ll find a surprise. Here’s the first clue.”

That’s the end of the letter. “So what's the clue?” If anything she's even more confused now, it doesn’t even say who it's from. It could be from George. But she doubts it. He’s never done anything like this before.

“Oh right, I almost forgot,” Alex rushes and pulls a small lego car from his backpack. more specifically a Mclaren lego car.

“So I'm guessing I have to go to Mclaren?” She questions and looks at Alex who just shrugs. So that’s where she heads to next. Who knows how long this is going to last. She does think it’s going to be fun though. She’s always loved clues.

As she gets closer to the Mclaren garage she finds Oscar standing looking around holding a letter in his hand. As he notices her, he walks towards her. “Here. From a mystery man.” He says, hands her the letter and walks off trying to look mysterious.

Yn laughs and opens the letter. This time, there’s no text. Just a card. “Happy fathers day.” She reads out loud. That’s all the card says. “I guess that means i’ll have to go to my dad?” She wonders out loud. Would this person involve her dad? Would her dad want to be involved? “Hm, probably just ferrari.” She says as she notices the card is mostly red.

She walks over to the Ferrari garage but can't find anything and decides it might be at the hospitality. As she enters the building she notices Carlos standing with a smile on his face and a whistle in his hands. “Here you go.” He hands her the whistle as she reaches him. 

“That's it? Not a letter? Anything to guide me more than-'' she looks down at the whistle now in her hand, “a whistle?” She looks back up at Carlos who looks around.

“Consider the first letter of the whistle.” He whispers and quickly walks off, whistling. 

“The first letter of whistle is w. So..” she thinks for a second. “Williams?” She laughs and quickly walks over to the Williams hospitality, but to her surprise finds no one, and decides it must be their garage then.

Here she finds Logan happily holding a small boat toy. “For you.” He says and hands it to her. Happy to be included. She smiles and wonders if this is the last one.

“Thank you, Logan.” She sends him a smile and walks to the dock to find a boat. Not really sure which type of boat, big or small. But she’s determined to find it. 

When she gets to the dock, she fears it’s going to take a long time, until she spots Charles casually sitting on a yacht. As she approaches she notices a full basket of red bulls sitting beside him. “I guess I’m going back to the track. To Red Bull. Their garage?” She is sure to get those 10k steps she’s supposed to get every day. 

“Yeah, if you want something to drink on your walk, I have plenty,” he pushes the basked towards yn and gestures for her to bring it, “in fact, let me join you on the way back, I was only sent here to give you the clue, and I don't drink Red Bull, so I can return it.” He smiles and gets up, taking the basket full of cans. “Are you having fun so far?” Charles starts walking back towards the track with yn following.

“Yeah. It’s a lot of fun,” she answers as she opens a can of the regular Red Bull, "I'm excited to see who set all of this up though” she looks ahead and takes a sip of the can.

“I can’t wait for you to see who arranged it,” he says. And that’s all he says. Yn tries to get more clues about who it is, but Charles’ mouth is shut. He’s not letting anything slip. And they arrive at Red Bull way earlier than yn was expecting so she doesn't get nearly enough time to interrogate Charles about who it is. 

“I see you’ve come to terms with the fact Red Bull is the best.” Max teases as Charles and yn are within hearing range of a normal voice. While holding a bouquet of flowers?

“Ha ha ha,” Charles smiles, as he hands Max the basket full of red bull cans, “I’m just keeping yn company, and decided to return these as I won’t be able to drink them.” Charles laughs and gets into a conversation with Max until yn clears her throat, reminding them she’s still there.

“I’m looking for a clue,” she says, begging that it's close to being over because she’s tired of walking from one side of the track to another over and over.

“Oh right,” Max hands her the bouquet of flowers he was holding. She takes them in her hand and her eyebrows furrow.

“What kind of clue is this?” She looks at Max whose eyes go wide.

“I forgot this.” He pulls a letter out from his pocket and hands it to her.

“Another letter. Is this the last one? I don't know how much more walking I can do.” She looks so defeated but reads the note.

“If you received this letter, that means you figured out all the clues. I know you were just there, but you can find me on Charles’ yacht. Where the big surprise is waiting.”

She looks up as she finishes reading. “He’s got to be kidding. I swear to fucking god, if this is George and he just made me walk from that yacht, back to the track and then back to that stupid yacht i’m going to go insane.” You look back at the letter. 

“My yacht isn’t stupid.” Charles pouts as Max hits him on the arm. “Ow?”

Yn sighs, “I guess I’ll get going. Thanks for the flowers I suppose.” 

“Oh they were not from me. They were from him. Just hurry up,” Max looks down at his phone, “practice starts kinda soon, and he can’t be late.” Yn starts walking back towards the yacht. She can't wait to kill the man that made her walk this much.

Lando however has been setting everything up ever since yn and Charles left. Strawberries covered in chocolate, and since he doesn't like chocolate, strawberries without chocolate, candles on a small table on the sun deck. As yn gets closer, Lando walks down to greet her. “I swear to fucking god George if this is yo-” her sentence gets cut short as soon as she sees Lando. “You set all of this up?”

“Yeah. You didn’t seem to like it that much?” Lando rubs the back of his neck. He wasn’t the best planner of a scavenger hunt.

“I kinda wasn’t the biggest fan of walking all the way out here, back to the track and then back here again.” She crosses her arms, but seeing the concerned look on Lando’s face she relaxes her arms and walks onto the yacht with a huge smile. “It was still kinda fun.” 

They spend a little while on the boat, sitting with their feet almost touching the ocean. Lando is not really sure if he should put an arm around her or not. He decides not to move too quickly and they just sit next to each other. “Oh I almost forgot,” she turns and looks at Lando. “I was supposed to tell you to hurry up, practice starts soon and you can’t be late,” she looks down at the strawberries, “but you distracted me.”

“Oh shit!” He gets up quickly and puts his shoes on, “meet me at the track! I would love to spend some time with you between practice 1 and 2!” He hurries up and practically runs all the way to the track.

~~~

For the next couple of weeks Lando spends a lot of time wondering how quickly to move forward. They spend a lot of time sitting near water, almost like the first time, except they don't have access to Charles' yacht every day. Every time Lando wonders if he should put an arm around her, but he never does. Until one day, when they’ve been sitting at the end of the gangway on the dock, their feet so close to the water, if they stretched them out their toes would be dipped in the water, and Lando’s arm comes closer and closer to making its way around yn. “Just do it already,” she says and leans on him, putting her head on his shoulder, “I've been waiting for the last many weeks for you to do it.” Lando can’t help but let out a small laugh and put his arm around her. 

“I wasn’t sure if you even wanted it.” He looks down at her quickly before looking back at the water. 

“I've been waiting for you to make some sort of move, so I knew if it would be appropriate to do this.” She says, as she sits back up straight and puts her hands on Lando’s cheeks and pulls his face closer. He puts his hands on her waist and pulls her closer while making sure none of them fall into the water. Her lips meet his softly, a tentative brush that sends a wave of electricity through her body. The kiss deepened, growing in confidence, and everything else faded away. All that existed was the two of them.

When they finally break apart, Lando puts his forehead against hers, a smile stuck on his face. He would never be able to forget this moment, and she wouldn’t either. “I’ve dreamed of this moment ever since that time Charles invited you to lunch.” Lando shares, not aware that yn has shared the same feeling since he shared that he had feelings for her.

“I was sure you’d do something about it sooner.” Yn lets out a small laugh and leans against Lando’s shoulder as he puts his arm around her.

“I was too afraid you didn't want to,” he says and lets out a sigh. “And I guess I just never thought to just ask.” 

“Well, you should have.” She smiles, before looking up at him, and he can’t help but smile back. They sit like that for a while. Just enjoying each other's company.

~~~

A couple weeks later, when they’re lying on the couch in Lando’s apartment, watching a movie, yn can’t help but smile, thinking about this moment, and how she never thought this would be a reality in her life. “Can you believe it?” She says in a soft whisper, her voice barely even audible.

“Believe what?” Lando asks, while his other hand mindlessly runs through the soft strands of her hair.

“This. Us. I never thought I’d be in such a happy relationship while traveling so much.” She says, softly tracing small circles on the back of his hand, that’s draped across her waist.

“Well I’m glad you're happy,” He says, placing a kiss on the top of her head, earning a soft hum from the woman. “You know, you could bring some stuff here. Just enough for a drawer if you don’t want to get too serious.” He mumbles, nuzzling his head into the crook of her neck.

She can’t help but smile, because she had been thinking of asking. “That would be nice, especially considering how much time I spend here.” She brings his hand up to her lips and places a soft kiss there, before going back to the movie.

~~~

It didn't take long for her to basically move in. It wasn’t official, but it might as well have been. She spent more time there than she did at her own home. But Lando didn’t mind. In fact, he loved having her there. They even started spending time together publicly, whether that was around Monaco when it wasn’t a race week, or if it was in the paddock. The fans had noticed how close they had gotten, and speculation quickly began. Were they a couple? Just friends? No one knew. Did Fred? No. But he wasn’t stupid, he knew something was going on, but he didn’t want to ask. But he didn’t mind, as long as yn was happy. And she was, for the first couple of months. And then it seemed like Lando had other priorities. Of course she knew racing was important to him, and she didn’t expect to suddenly be on the absolute top of his priority list, that would always be F1 and she knew that. However, that didn’t stop the feeling of neglect starting to spread through her. She knew he had a packed schedule, but she would often find herself wishing he had more time for her, yet it just seemed he got less and less time for her.

As the relationship between them progresses, small arguments make it to the surface. Usually sparked by the fact yn feels unimportant, or that Lando misses a date or an anniversary. It’s never his intention, and he always makes it clear that he loves her, but as it continues to get worse and worse, she begins to question it. She even stops believing him 100%.

It was 2 am. Lando had just returned back to the hotel after the race in Singapore. He silently opened the door to the room he was sharing with yn, expecting her to already be sound asleep on the bed, but to his surprise she was sitting up, leaning against the headboard with the bedside lamp on.

“Can we talk?” She asks, her voice soft but filled with a hint of vulnerability.

“Of course.” Lando quickly closes the door and walks over to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Look, I know racing is extremely important to you, that it’s everything to you, but,” she pauses for a moment, not really sure how he’s going to take this. “What about us?” She asks, her voice shaking slightly.

“I know it’s been tough, and I’ve not been the best, but I’m under a lot of pressure right now,” Lando looks up at her and he can see the way his words hurt, and he can’t help the defensive tone that creeps into his voice. “I didn’t have a choice.”

“Didn’t have a choice? You’ve always had a choice! You chose to sign up for all those PR events. All the additional promotional videos. Do you know how it feels to always be the last thing on your mind?” Her voice raises a little as the frustration takes over, and she searches Lando’s eyes for a reaction, just some sort of reaction.

“I never wanted you to feel that way,” Lando sighs and looks her in the eye, he genuinely never wanted her to feel like she was his last priority. “But this is my career, it’s what I’ve worked towards my entire life.” 

“And where do I fit into that? When you talk about your future, you’re talking about your next race, the next podium, the next win. I can’t continue to just sit back and wait for you to finally have time for me. I can’t continue to just be a spectator in your life, Lando.” The hurt is visible on her face, and she turns away momentarily to look out the window. The rain is subtly falling outside, and small drops of water roll down the window.

“I thought you understood when we got together.” He says, trying to defend himself. “This is my life, my dream. I never wanted you to feel like you're not important.” His voice softens, but his tone is still defensive as he tries to avoid addressing the core issue.

“I did understand. And I’ve been nothing but supportive, but it’s been months of you forgetting a date, or something else. And I’m not asking you to quit racing, I would never do that. All I’m asking is that I become a priority too. Because right now it feels like you’ve made a choice. And it’s not me.” Tears start to swell up in yn's eyes, and Lando is at a loss for words. He never wanted it to get to this point, but he doesn’t know what to say. He looks away, and that’s the last straw for yn. She swings her legs off the bed and grabs her suitcase that she packed as soon as she returned from the race, since they were planning to leave early in the morning anyway. “I’ll give you some time to think about all of this. But I won’t be waiting forever. Figure out if this is something you want. Because I can’t keep doing this.” And with those words she leaves the hotel room, and into the elevator.

She walks out into the rain, with tears flowing freely from her eyes. She stops and takes a deep breath. She doesn’t want it to end between her and Lando, but she also can’t continue to just be a bystander in her own relationship. As she grabs her suitcase and is about to begin walking she hears Landos voice. “Wait!” 

She turns around and sees him walking in long strides toward her, the rain already drenching his hair. “I don't want to lose you. I’ll never leave you alone again,” he says as he reaches her. “I remember how it felt when we were sitting by the water on our first unofficial date. Every time I look at you, it’s like I’m seeing you for the first time all over again. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He places a hand on her cheek and gently rubs his thumb along her cheekbones. “Please don’t leave. We’ll make it work. I’ll make time for you. You’ll be my first priority, I promise.”

She looks up at him with an aching heart at the raw emotion in his voice. For a moment she wants to believe him, to just forget all the missed moments, but the pain is still too much. 

“You say that now, but what happens when life gets busy again?” She asks in a whisper, her voice shaking as she speaks. “What happens when I become the last thing on your mind again because something else takes priority?”

Lando’s hand trembles slightly against her cheek, but he doesnt pull away, and neither does she. The rain falls a little harder, and their breaths are visible in the cool air of the night.

“I won't let that happen.” His voice is filled with an urgency, a need, that she’s never heard before. “I know i’ve failed you, but this time-”

“”This time,” she interrupts him and takes a step back, resulting in his hand slipping from her cheek. “How do I know this time is any different?” She looks at him with tearfilled eyes, waiting for an answer she might not want. But it doesn’t come. Instead, Lando takes a step closer and his eyes are filled with so much love and hope.

“Because this time, I know what it’s like to lose you,” his voice is trembling and he pauses for a moment, searching for the right words. “And I can’t. I can't lose you.”

[chillinglikeashilling]

Lord forgive me for paying attention to the YT comments section but I really want people who claim Annie was treated as a less 'desired love interest' than Mary to remind me which of them was told she didn't have any business being near them by both Micheal A and Michael B Jordan.

"Oh but Mary is shown to be the focus of desire and Annie isn't"

Are we forgetting that the first thing Stack tells Mary to do is kick rocks? That one of the first things we learned about their past relationship is that he left her in the middle of the night without any communication at all?

Yes Smoke also left Annie but that to me is representative of the fact that both twins always chose each other over either of their respective lovers, or anyone else in their lives. At the very least we know from the fact that he married her that Smoke considered Annie someone in his life, who was not Stack, that he could build a life with. She made him a mojo bag so it's not like Smoke left in the middle of the night.

And it's not like either twin is best friends with the other's lover but Annie clearly gets so much more consideration and respect from Stack than Mary does from Smoke. Smoke would clearly rather Stack and Mary never even have been together in the first place but even from (what was supposed to be) the opening night of the Juke we see Stack and Annie working together to manage Smoke and the business. Annie is being paid to cook there sure, but to me it's clear that she was always supposed to have a huge role in the business.

I'm not saying the movie is perfect or that people can't have their own opinions but even if we're appealing to the respectability argument- Annie is the only person in the main cast apart from Sammie with very little 'sin' on her record. For one thing she's the only woman of the three love interests who isn't cheating on her husband for whatever that's worth to folks in a movie called Sinners.

And even the comparison of the love scenes feels disingenuous to me. I've seen some people say Mary is the one shown to be desired between her and Stack while Smoke is shown to be desired by Annie and I want to remind everyone that again Mary is the person chasing Stack. He saw her that morning and said go back to your white husband. Annie and Smoke are reuniting as a couple that went through a horrible loss that can rip modern couples apart, without the additional stresses of being sharecroppers on top of that.

Additionally I don't think it's a coincidence that the love scene between Smoke and Annie happens before the sun goes down and the one between Stack and Mary - which I remind everyone leads to Stack dying!!- happens after nightfall and after Mary has already been turned by Rennick. Sammie and Stack both talk about that day before the sun went down being one of the best days of their life. Given the connection and parallels between the twins I would assume that the same would probably be true for Smoke.

So one of the best days of his life involved getting to reconnect with his wife. Getting to fold her into a business he and his brother were building not just for their own financial freedom and independence but also as a safe space for their community. A community Annie was a central part of.

One of those love scenes happened between a couple that had a real chance of reconciling if Rennick hadn't shown up and it's not the one featuring Mary.

[theus-what-are-you-doing]

Final Scene Analysis and Key Sender Theory

A theory below? It might be obvious, but I'm being a dumbass and connecting dots that might not be there. That and I'm trying to wrap my head around the plot of season one while making predictions for season two too.

Words: 768

Okay, I'm not sure if anyone has pointed this out already, but this has been playing on my mind like a catchy song, and I genuinely need to vent it.

Something is telling me that Chase is being used by Buddy, indicated through the interaction shared by him and Violet at the end of season one.

Nox "can't do this" anymore because he's slowly falling for Chase. He's coming to love and care for him, like during the finale arc e.g. shielding him from water, comforting him during his breakdown, kissing him to be his hero.

He doesn't want to hurt the ones he loves, especially knowing how much Chase is trying to help others around him, specifically his own mum. See below:

Now, I think Nox is intelligent enough to put things together. So, I think these lines spoken towards him during Chase's breakdown could have made things click for him: Why Chase was sooooo determined in the beginning of the series to go into the book's for example, despite how irritating and upsetting Nox tried to be.

Given Nox is more familiar with Chase's personality now, it would only make sense for him to use the wish for someone else he cares about, hence Nox's hesitation to continue stealing the naratonin. As Nox cares more for Chase, he may come to want what Chase wants too, like a couple would.

But what's to says he's stealing it?

Well, we know Nox is a key now, and by all means, I don't think he can gather Naratonin by himself as it's established other keys can't. Though he was priorly human, I think he lost the ability to gather Naratonin when he became a key.

Considering we've been shown no other key holders, I don't believe any of them are left too, that there are any humans to help collect this naratonin. I really think it's just the keys.

Yet we've been shown that keys can use naratonin and that Buddy plans to use it to get a wish. But instead of wishing like a birthday wish where you whisper your secrets to the naratonine, I think you need to consume or absorb it, much like Silver did earlier in the series.

Here, it's shown that Silver fixes herself using the Naratonin Chase collected, so who's to say that Buddy isn't either. He just needs more because the thing he is trying to fix is his human self, to regain it.

Now i think that staying close to Chase is just a way to transfer his production of Naratonin to him and Violet, as they're also keys, or that Chase's production of Naratonin also goes over to them. It would explain why Chase gets so little every time and why Buddy wants to be close to him so often.

Keysender Theory

And so here's where my theory comes in. Let's focus on that second panel again!

"After all you've done for this"

I can't help but get a feeling that Nox was the one who sent the other keys out, or at least orchestrated getting them out with someone else acting as a proxy. It would explain why he's done so much work for this, to become human.

If my theory is correct and Libris holds no current key holders, the only way for Buddy to get Naratonin would be to get the keys into the hands of other humans, follow them into the books, and retrieve naratonin from being near them, so he can heal himself much like Silver did but to a larger scale. This is what we see happening with Chase after all.

Yhe keys have been scattered too, perhaps to not only heighten the chances of getting more people into the books but to also prevent them from gathering all the keys to make that wish (Like Silver admitted to Chase, you need all her family to make the wish)

Future predictions

With this in mind and my rambling over, I'd like to throw my hat in the ring for things I'd love to see from this analysis and theory, if they ever became true.

I'd love to see Buddy be confronted for this, perhaps out of guilt he would tell Chase he's been stealing narratonin and thus Chase obviously gets upset, as he's trying to collect if for his mum. I feel like this can be a way for them to share their wants for each other and even help each other with getting their way.

Anyway, that's all my rambles done. I hope they made at least a semblance of sense!!

[sillygoofyqueer]

GUYS IT'S NOT FUCKING RAINING IN BRITAIN AND THERE'S THIS STRANGE GLOWING ORB IN THE SKY THAT SEEMS DETERMINED TO BOIL ME ALIVE SO I'M CHANNELLING THAT FEAR INTO A NEW POST FOR MAD SCIENTIST AU Okay so it's the moment you've all been waiting for (*crickets chirping in the background*), it's time for the SOUP DILEMMA. We all know how it goes - Jiang Yanli has been making Jin Zixuan soup and leaving it for him in front of his sleeping quarters. Some servant girl sees this and tries to take the opportunity to like either climb the ranks or get a way to be his wife?? Honey, the autistic pathetic man rizz is not for you. Anyway, she lets herself be near the scene when Jin Zixuan is looking around to find his mystery soup giver. He thinks that it's her because context clues imply that it's her and he's just a little guy who doesn't really think much because his little brain is currently filled with mainly spite and violence against his father.

However, the key difference this time is...not Wei Wuxian? Well, actually, it sort of is. Wei Wuxian, at the first chance he had, introduced Xue Yang to his goddess of soup, and Xue Yang is nothing if not someone who likes soup - and people who like his gege not solely based on how useful he is on the battlefield. So, he obviously likes Jiang Yanli, who has only heard rumours about Wei Wuxian without even seeing anything for herself. Now that Wei Wuxian is out of the Burial Mounds, he's allowed to roam more freely, so he does spend some time being a lil creepy creep and just following different people around. This is most often The Lads (usually Wei-gege), occasionally Lan Wangji, and very occasionally, he follows Jiang Yanli around. Then he realises that she's being sneaky for some reason, and now he's more interested, so he follows her around more often!

Through this sneaking and creeping, he learns that Jiang Yanli is leaving soup for Jin Zixuan - he personally thinks it's wasted on the golden dude, but he would never judge one of the people that he likes, so he instead focus all of that judgment for the man who doesn't notice her affections. He isn't even really that bad, like he was basically the first person to notice how Wei-gege (and him too) were being lied to even if nobody believed him, but Xue Yang has a reputation to uphold and he can't be getting buddy buddy with a guy who literally comes from a sect that would literally be wearing pure gold if it could. Anyway, he is keeping an eye on this situation, contemplating whether he could nick the soup without anyone knowing. Listen, he gets hungry easy, he's a growing kid! Plus, he can give Jiang Yanli the praise she deserves for such consistently great soup.

Wei-gege knows of his hobby and sometimes joins him when he gets bored (or is trying to hide from the others), so he's nearby while Xue Yang is peeking into the Jins' quarters to calculate the perfect time to grab the bowl of soup on a tray. There's a servant girl sort of hanging around nearby, probably eyeing up the soup for herself, which is so not fair okay. He was here first, he has dibs on it - unfortunately, Jin Zixuan comes out of his room and picks up the tray, so neither of them can have it, which is truly a shame. Wei-gege comes back from his snooping of other areas to peek in beside him, and acts much more pissy when they watch Jin Zixuan ask the servant girl something, and the servant girl nodding her head demurely. Xue Yang is ready to cut his losses and go ask Jiang Yanli for more soup without any theft, but Wei-gege is leaving their hiding place and going up to the other two.

Meanwhile, Wei Ying is ready to brawl this girl, who is trying to take credit for Jiang-guniang's brilliant cooking skills for some reason!! He ignores her offended questions about what he's doing here (insert disgusted tone with it), turning straight to Jin Zixuan and being like "oh wow, Jiang-guniang makes soup for you as well?" Jin Zixuan is all confused because wait the servant girl said that she made the soup :( Jiang Yanli is making him soup? :D He asks Wei Wuxian how he knows it's Jiang Yanli, and gets the response of "well, those are her special bowls! I get to have my soup in it if I've done all the dishes like I'm supposed to." Now he's torn between reprimanding this servant girl for lying to him and thanking Jiang Yanli for the excellent soup she's been making him, because the soup fucking rocks. Wei Wuxian makes the decision for him by being like "c'mon, she might even show you how she makes the soup!" and dragging him off.

Word gets out about this incident because one, Jin Zixuan showed up in the Jiang kitchens (nobody talks about Wei Wuxian being there so that Yu Ziyuan doesn't go literally insane) to personally thank Jiang Yanli for her efforts, and had like a wholeass conversation with her! They may be promised each other's hands in marriage, but this may be the first time they've had a conversation of their own accord! Oh, and two, Xue Yang begrudgingly goes to Nie Huaisang for an explanation because he doesn't get what's been going on and all Nie Huaisang is really good for is explaining things to him that nobody else will tell him. Of course, Nie Huaisang learns about this event and starts telling everyone because like...dude, of course he's going to tell more people about this! It's fucking cute!! Even if he does have to leave out Wei Wuxian's help in making it all happen.

Aside from a warmer relationship blossoming between Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan, this event has other impacts. Jiang Cheng, who has been like basically neutral towards Wei Wuxian because while the guy is useful and hasn't done anything wrong to him or Jiejie after hanging out with her all the time, he also did try to attack Muqin and A-die has been acting strange ever since Wei Wuxian showed up. However, he hears from Nie Huaisang that Wei Wuxian helped Jin Zixuan actually begin a conversation with Jiejie because of something to do with soup?? He doesn't get it, but anyone who helps Jiejie without any ulterior motives (at least he assumes there was no ulterior motives) gets his instant respect. He finds Wei Wuxian sitting near the edges of the war camp, seemingly rather quiet and contemplative until Jiang Cheng hesitantly steps closer, unsure if he's interrupting anything.

Wei Wuxian smiles and is like "You're Jiang Wanyin, right?" and Jiang Cheng just goes straight in for the "my mother doesn't like you." The other boy, unfazed, just shrugs a little, the resentful energy almost pulsing in his skin as he stares back at him without any concern or offense in his expression - he's used to hearing things like this after all of his time in the war camp. "Jiejie likes you though." Another shrug. "You helped her, why?" Now Wei Wuxian just looks confused. "Because I like her? I think she's cool?" A sentiment that everyone should believe, and Jiang Cheng can't help but be a little less tense near Wei Wuxian at this moment. "Nobody calls me Jiang Wanyin. They all just call me Jiang Cheng." "Well that's rude, so I'm not going to do that. I need to earn your friendship first." Nobody has ever wanted to earn his friendship before...except maybe his dogs? But they were dogs. This was another living (?) person, who wanted to be his friend.

[the-s1lly-corner]

HH characters crushing on the reader 1/3

If the character you want isnt here it will likely be in future parts unless I simply dont write for them!

Characters: Charlie, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Sir Pentious, Husk

Notes: reader is GN for everyone EXCEPT vaggie and angel, reader is masc for angel, reader is fem for vaggie, post mainly focuses on the canon characters

CWs: none

CHARLIE

Oh this poor girl, she's so obvious when she has a crush for someone. She already goes above and beyond for nearly everyone to make sure their needs and comforts are accommodated- but when it comes to you she goes even further! she might even become a little suffocating if you dont set some boundaries... i can see her trying to shoot her shot and doing that awkward laugh with the finger guns if her pickup line goes over your head. shes doing her best... confesses her feelings pretty fast and shes very understanding if you dont return her feelings... very obvious and giddy around you!

VAGGIE

Internalizes a lot of her feelings, especially... these ones... she becomes a little short with you. Not in a mean way, conversations just become more... tense, awkward, short. She doesn't know what to say and she doesn't want to blow it. I don't think she would avoid you, though. I don't think she would outright flirt with you, but she would say some stuff to try to read you if she should go forward with her advances. If you give her signals, expect a confession soon. Otherwise it's likely she's just going to eat her feelings and make herself move on.

ANGEL DUST

It should go without saying that he's going to make his feelings for you very obvious.... though is it obvious if it's hard to tell between his usual behavior and the signals he's trying to show you? Sure he could tone down his innuendos and invitations, and be real around you... but if this prior to Husk getting through to him... it's not very likely. Unless you're already close to him. A lot of the flirting he sends your way is a lot more personalized, more in tune with you as a person rather than something that can be said to just anyone or just to you in passing. He puts thought into it. It's going to take a close eye to differentiate actually feelings from his usual activities.

SIR PENTIOUS

Just like Charlie, he's very obvious. But no where near as smooth... He might just blurt out his feelings before he's ready to confess, and that's assuming you haven't already put the pieces together in your head! Hovers around you any chance he gets to hang out with you and does anything he can to try to impress you. He's so eager for your attention that it's a little.. pathetic... he does remember every little thing you say, though. It doesn't matter how small it is, it's going to bounce around in his head for eternity. Especially if it can give him ideas of things to make for you as a gift for when he's ready to confess to you.

HUSK

Another one who internalizes his feelings. He won't try to bring up the topic, and I feel between all the characters I'm going to end up writing for... the only reason he would end up telling you how he feels is if he gets backed into a corner or you just outright ask him. He's not going to make a fool of himself and lie right to your face if you ask him. But how does he act? He might drink a little more than he already does and become more reclusive. He doesn't outright shut you out but you can tell that there's something going on with him.

[honey-minded-hivemind]

Ooooooo

I have come, with something!

So, imagine reader is a young adult instead of the teen. They already gone through the system, was never adopted, so they have a lot of resentment to parents and such. And they actually work in the school as an assistant teacher. The team thing happens and when reader realizes they were being used, they quit, and after, cut out anything showing they’re a mutant. Maybe filling the claws way down to look like normal nails, or if it’s like wolverine’s, they use a rock to break it.

How would everyone react to seeing reader after that, either fresh from their self mutilation, or some days after?

Thanks for reading my rant!

🌂

Oooooo... Okay, okay, that's interesting! I still plan to have Reader as a teen in the main au, but Reader as a young adult? Not bad, if I say so. I'm going to count this as an au of the Smilodon AU, because I have an idea for how Reader finding all of this out goes, but... I really like this ask. So good job! Let's do it-

If the others, the X-Men and Brotherhood, saw Reader like that... I think they'd feel nauseous. Light-headed. Sick. Because their... whatever Reader is to them, is missing parts of their mutation, the parts that were part of them. Their claws... they're filed down, hardly there anymore.. Their fangs... not near as long or sharp as they used to be. And the small bits of fur or fluff that used to dot their arms and legs... they're gone, leaving the skin underneath. This isn't what they wanted. They wanted Reader as their, well... okay, they had used Reader. They didn't want to, in the end, and the teens wanted to stop it, but- They just couldn't. They tried. The adults... they feel remorse. A bit scared. Because now they know Reader can and will harm themself (and likely had before). When Xavier looks deeper into Reader's thoughts, he sees their inner-self, and it isn't a monster or a beast or an evil person... it's a scared, lonely, hurt child, who wants love, but has been denied it so long that they don't trust anyone. And after what all they've done... Reader doesn't even trust them anymore...

Xavier, Scott, and Jean would try to speak rationally with Reader (their version of rational). It goes out the window real quick when Reader's thoughts turn darker, sadder, spiraling. Scott wants to know why Reader did what they did, because he's sorry, and wants them to know they care. He wants them to see it their way. But he mostly wants to make things better between them. Jean wants to help Reader, and comfort them, but now there's a literal mental wall between them, full of bitterness. She wants to reach them,, to stop them from doing this to themself... Xavier wants to convince Reader they meant no harm, and to give them and the X-Men a proper chance to make it up to them. He knows that Reader will be hard to convince. But they have to hold out hope. If worse came to worse... they can try and move Reader in with them, albeit unwillingly. It might be the only way to keep an eye on them and their health...

Kurt, Kitty, Ororo, and Beast regret getting Reader's hopes up, only for the truth to come out about why they started trying to befriend them in the first place. Seeing Reader remove parts of their mutation, leaving them almost defenseless... Kurt feels scared. He has a visible mutation as well, and while he hid his with the holo watch, Reader didn't have something like that. And they got rid of parts of themself! It's... it's so hard to look at... Kitty wants to hug Reader, wants forgiveness. She's so sorry about what happened, she wants them to know that! But... why would Reader hurt themself? Are they hiding any other wounds? What If they hurt themself again?... Storm is doing her best to stay calm and motherly, which sadly doesn't get her very far. She knows they've hurt Reader, and it doesn't feel good, for Reader or for them. But they need to own up to it. The best they can do is apologize, and hope Reader forgives them, or at least doesn't hurt themself further. Perhaps getting Hank to talk with them would be better... Hank would try and help them, would try to talk with Reader. He wants to provide therapy, or at least get them to have a medical exam. He needs to know how bad they hurt themself. But they're not budging. He doesn't want Charles to force Reader. No. But if they want to help them, they need them under their care. And sadly, Reader does not want to be under their care or protection after everything...

Rogue, Evan, and Logan feel guilty. They know they didn't trust Reader at first. That they didn't want to give them the benefit of the doubt. But seeing how bad it's hurt them, that they'd rather hurt themself than them... It's a tough pill to swallow. Reader already had trust issues. They already didn't have a high opinion of themself. And they just made those a whole lot worse. Rogue is truly sorry, wanting to have Reader stay with them so they don't hurt themself or disappear. She's scared that if they look away from them, they'll be gone. That Reader will leave, or worse, be dead. Evan wants to apologize, but he also wants Reader to give them a second chance. Even his aunt is in on it, and maybe Reader would believe two of them over just one? He really wants them to not give up on them... Logan knows he hasn't handled knowing Reader very well. He knew about some of their past, and wrote them off as a bad influence. And they weren't. They're the cub of his "brother" (he doesn't know if that fuzzy maniac is his brother or not), but they've never even met the guy, let alone know who he was. It wasn't fair of him to get mad with them, to treat them as a potential threat. Seeing them harm themself though... It makes him realize that they had every chance to go after all of them, but instead they turned on themself. And for that... he realizes he shouldn't have been been hard. So cold.

The Brotherhood teens want to throw up. Their favorite assistant teacher, the one who tended to see the best in them, is missing parts of themself, or has cut them down. And it scares the cr*p out of them. This is their favorite teacher! Their go-to adult in school when things go wrong or people won't leave them alone! And they've. Hurt. Themself. They didn't want to use them! They swear! But... they're not sure this is an easy fix. This isn't as simple as saying sorry. This had consequences, and they've (mostly) learned that one has to own up to them, no matter what they be. Lance doesn't want to imagine Reader leaving them. They're the one adult he trusts. And now they're scared, or at least wary, of all of them. The X-Teens are in the same boat, so while he hates to say it, he might have to work with them to get Reader to stay, and hopefully heal and regrow their claws and fangs and fuzz. Todd feels sick. He didn't realize they could do that. They could actually remove parts of their mutation? Just like that? Thinking about it gives him shivers. Who would give their powers up? Who'd willingly hurt themself? He understands why they'd do it, he just wishes they hadn't. Fred wants to hug Reader and cry. His favorite adult (who's only a few years older than all of them) just hurt themself. And is upset with them. And is sad. He doesn't want them to be upset! Or hurt! He's trying to apologize, and is on the same boat as Lance to get the X-Teens help in apologizing, if it means Reader might forgive them. Pietro knows what they did. He knows it was wrong. Is he sorry?... Yes. But he still wants Reader with them. Seeing them they way they are... he still thinks they should be with them, even more now. They need help. His dad can get help, okay? H*ck, if they have to, they can pull Sabretooth in, okay?! He just... he doesn't want Reader to hurt themself even more. They're nice, and pay attention to him and his sister, good attention. How can they let them hurt? Wanda is asking Reader why they did it. She wants to know Reader's perspective on this, on why they did it, how they feel about them all. She doesn't want to hurt them, and she won't, but Reader needs help. She will not have her favorite adult die on her or hurt themself, so they'd better hurry up and go to her father or Xavier and get them involved, otherwise, they're going to have a problem. Mystique feels for Reader. Being distrusted by everyone. Having mutations that single them out. It hurts. It hurts her even more knowing she has hurt Reader with her actions. But this proves to her Reader needs a team. A group. She's grateful Reader hasn't taken their anger or hurt out on them, like their father might have. She knows they deserve it. But... she isn't sure if they should turn to... the X-Men... blegh... or to Magneto... who she's mad with... And unfortunately, those are her two options. The joys of being an adult, being responsible... Hopefully they can reach Reader before it could be too late...

[bolddeducktionneverfails]

For years, I had been wanting to create an easier way to share my most recent basis for this couple. And since the Speculation Timeline I wanted to put together isn't going to be completed anywhere near now (and since I'm being indecisive about whether I'd want to post it on here), I thought putting several images together was a good option.

I've had a general idea of what people think about my artwork, and the ship itself, for a long time and I'm sure a lot of those sentiments haven't changed. The other major reason as to why I made this post, is because I wanted to show people that I'm not oblivious to how Launchpad and Della were portrayed in canon. That I'm not picking two random characters to ship out of boredom. I put a lot of thought into how their dynamic could be and why we ended up with what we got. I was hoping to see a build up to something more meaningful. And now that I've been made aware of the show not getting to follow its initial plan, I'm trying to figure out what that was going to be, while also putting my own spin on it.

______________________________________________________________

Ok, so, more on the basis details: 

|    Cover

Dunno if I made it clear enough, but just in case I confused anyone, this is meant to be set within the same timeline as the show. It just goes a little farther than where the show left off. When I was restructuring my ideas, I was going to make an alternative timeline where Season 3 would be closer to what Plan A could have been. (I wanted to see a season revision so bad, but I knew it would never actually happen. 😭) As time went on, I considered what show would be like if it was able to pick up after the finale and I think I might like this case a little more, due to it being the most believable scenario. 

|    Della's Pages 

I undoubtedly believe that Della was supposed to have a turnaround with Launchpad and that "Trickening" was a strong indication of that. She doesn't know what LP is truly capable of because she's never around when he's at his best. And this feels very intentional because it's one of the biggest things that prevented their relationship from getting the development it needed. Keeping them stuck in this stage prevents anything...significant from happening. 

There's not much of a reason for them to be kept here if there's nothing to hide...they're capable of getting along and Della's assumption about Scrooge hiring Launchpad, would have easily been settled if the characters were given a chance to talk it out. 

In order for them to progress, Launchpad needs to do something amazing to catch her attention. I haven't come up with a solid answer to this in my personal timeline yet; it'll probably have something to do with saving Dewey, Della or both. But can you imagine what her reaction to Suavepad would have been like?! Or talking to Gosalyn about what it means to be a hero? The way she looked at Kit when he was cloud kicking could have definitely been giving us a good idea.

While not openly expressed in canon, perhaps another reason why Della is irritated with Launchpad is because there are things about him that remind her of HDL's Dad. Or maybe a bit more generally, how much she hates failure; I've been theorizing that Della had secret intentions of saving him when she headed into the cosmic storm. If this is true, she believes that she failed to save him. She could still be mourning that loss, so, if she began to have any feelings for Launchpad, there's bound to be a lot of resistance.

|     Launchpad's Pages

In the alternate timeline, I was going to have him completely stuck in friend mode and not notice anything until Della finally got more comfortable about her feelings. But I think having them both silently struggling to conceal their feelings, is a lot more interesting. 😂

I always thought it was strange that he was never written to show a prior interest in her...or even prior knowledge about her at all. In earlier essays, I noted how odd it was for Launchpad to know who Scrooge was without knowing about The Duck Twins. They were only out of action for ten years. Launchpad was alive before this happened and being that close to someone as popular as Scrooge...he would have seen them from time to time. 

I've also noted how LP was connected to Della from the first time we met him. His conversation about the snowstorm on the Drake Barrier Reef and the Atlantic trip as a whole, reflected the Spear incident. The way he was talking to Scrooge, sounded a lot like he wanted to encourage him to come out of retirement so he could be his pilot. That would mean that he did know something about Scrooge being an adventurer. So, how would he know about that without the Donald and Della portion?? It's the most recent part! He would have grown up with this! Either there's something up with him, or this is one serious plothole...

When Dewey and Webby started their investigation on Della, they never considered prying information from him...and after Scrooge shared his perspective on the Spear incident, Launchpad didn't have anything to say about Della's decision...(I'd expect someone who's supposedly a latchkey kid, to be...a little vocal about child abandonment...) and while his name carried over from original show, it's still very related to rockets. Why wouldn't the showrunners want to incorporate that into something bigger when the show has such a heavy space theme?! All this stuff feels a little too conveniently ignored...🤨

Speaking of the original, LP's family is full of pilots! If the reboot was going to borrow more from LP's history, that's yet ANOTHER way he should know who she is!! If one of your fellow aviators were related to the richest duck in the world, and they're travelling all over the place with him, surely their name and exploits would be brought up multiple times...Heh, if Della appeared in the original, I think it's safe to say he would immediately have a noticeable crush on her. 😂 The reboot hinted that Launchpad's romantic side is just about as active as it was in DT87, but it's a lot more private in comparison. It's really odd to have him dating around without extending any of that to Della...maybe there was something more subtle in "Coot" where he wanted to impress her...but c'mon, that's a fishy thing to do.

Anyway, I got the impression that LP found out about something having to do with Dad when the Timephoon sent him to the future. A lot of people took his delayed reaction to Louie's remark as taking too long to realize he was talking about Della. But I think it was because he wasn't initially thinking of her. The remark was said as if Louie's actions were hereditary. If not Della, then who else could Louie have "gotten" the idea of taking off with a powerful machine? 

Della's recording in "GlomTales!", warned Louie that he needed to stop his plans and schemes if he wants to be a part of the family. Dad doesn't seem to be part of the family. Could he be missing due to a plan or a scheme in relation to the Spear and the cosmic storm? In "Coot", the characters discussed how something valuable was being sought after on the non-McDuck side of the family and how everyone related to the family were frauds and cheats. If Louie was after valuables in his situation, and his situation was compared to Della's, then couldn't Dad fall under both of these categories?  

When thinking of what Launchpad could have seen during the end of the world, I amused myself with the thought of seeing them kiss, but it doesn't make sense for him to crush on someone else after that. If it was anything romantic, it would have to be a lot more subdued.  (I still do believe they were supposed to share a kiss in the original finale plans...) 

|   Ages

When it comes to pairing the pilots, shippers tend to be met with comments about Launchpad being too young. This is largely because of some statements from one of the showrunners and how they were perceived.

When I had asked the showrunner on his blog about whether Launchpad was around the same age as Donald, the answer confirmed this, and that it may have been agreed amongst the writers that Donald was little older; thus making Della the same.

In the following year, someone else asked for exact ages on Drake and Launchpad and were told that both were in their late 20's to early 30's. It was also mentioned that the twins were in their mid 30's for comparison. 

A month later, there was a question that mentioned the twins being a few years older than LP and Drake with no additional correction from the showrunner.

Later in that year, another fan asked for Donald and Della's ages and were given the answer "36".

The year after that, someone asked for the age difference between the twins and Launchpad. They were told "About seven years, I think.". 🤨 

This was a really strange thing to say after the information I was given, but once I thought more about it, I realized that this was pretty much just another way to reiterate the late 20's to early 30's range that was said before. It does...not sound like Launchpad's age is set in stone. And even though we got a precise number for the twins, it may not have been chosen with sincerity. The same showrunner had said in another age-related answer regarding the kids, that he didn't want to give them canon ages, only age ranges. This might also extend to the other characters in the series. Maybe any number in the mid-30's could be correct for Della's age and 36 was chosen at random for that question...

Similarly, some fans are proclaiming that Launchpad was officially confirmed as 31 because of a "Duckburg Life" podcast episode. But this takes place during an earlier time in the show, that wouldn't be his current age. (I remember hearing things that implied the first season, while others say it takes place in the earlier half of the second. I don't feel like checking right now, lol) How do we know the writer for this ep also wasn't just picking any number within LP's age range? Because it isn't part of the main show, this audio series is either semi-canon or not canon at all. And it wasn't helmed by the regular showrunners, so, we can't take the events and mentions too seriously without their confirmation.

Whatever the matter is behind the confusion and hesitancy surrounding their ages, a three-year age gap between the pilots could still work with how I want to see them. Just because Launchpad could be several years younger than Della, doesn't automatically mean that his is. He could be a lot closer.

That window of possibility could have easily been shut. And what helps to keep it open, is that there are multiple characters who have been placed in...highly unusual situations, that affected the way they age. Dating a mermaid, all the way out in Mid-Atlantic Ridge somewhere, sounds pretty unusual...who's to say it's impossible for him to be part of this trend in some way?

I've been theorizing that he has amnesia. Maybe that caused him to get his age wrong. We've already seen him time travel, and timeless dimensions exist in the show. What if one of his adventures lead him to a place where the passage of time works differently? We've been given at least three examples of characters being frozen. What about that?

______________________________________________________________

I would have loved to see a natural progression for Delpad in the show, but now that it's over, I don't have the patience to completely follow this timeline in chronological order. I'm mostly just going to elaborate on whatever points I feel like and work on organizing them later. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (🎶 can we skip to the good part 🎶 lol)

But don't worry, I'm not going to keep you too in the dark on this. I'm going to publish a light draft of my timeline...somewhere! Each section has been broken up into eras and will be tagged accordingly:

(PreSp-CE)

(PreSp-PDE)

(PreSp-DE)

(PreSp-SE)

(CSE)

(PostSp-SE)

(PostSp-UE)

(PostSp-FCE)

(PostSp-DE)

And I guess anything I'm not sure about adding to my headcanons in general, can be labeled "Up in The Air" (UiTA)

Will there be anything about my basis or these eras that are subject to change? Maybe. Will I create more "How I Ship" pages with other parts of timeline? There's a good chance! Did I purposely exclude an era somewhere in here for a secret reason? I'm not going to answer that. 😶

Whatever happens, I'll be sure to make an update about it! 😁

[anamenooneowns]

BEING RAFE'S GIRL✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡ ˚

an: i realized that the 'being ___'s girl' doesnt actually fit what i'm writing bc youre not their girl yet so imma change the titles most definitely bc i dont like it. um, so this is actually you being rafe's gf. not just meeting him. enjoy!

warnings: toxic!rafe, toxic!reader, name calling (bitch), you deck rafe in his shit so physical abuse, talk of drug use (coke), verbal abuse, lowkeyyyyy sub!rafe i dont make the rules, angst☹️, accusation of cheating

DNI IF YOU DO NOT HAVE AN AGE IN YOUR BIO. THIS BLOCK BUTTON GOES BRAZY

No one knew how it happened, to be honest. Not that it was anyone's business why Rafe was dating you, a 'Kook poser'. But was it really so bad to be a girl who just wanted to live well?

Besides, before you met Rafe, you worked your ass off for everything that you had. A new Telfar bag dropped that you wanted? You damn near didn't sleep with the overtime you were doing at your job. Your credit card? Never not paid. Wanted a new set of nails? You sat your ass down and learned how to do them yourself.

Hyper-independence was your middle name and you wore it well.

Sometimes, it seemed your boyfriend needed to be reminded of that though.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you talking to, Ra-fa-el," you mushed his head with the pad of your index finger and watched his face get red from your exaggerative pronunciation of his full name, "but it's not fuckin' me."

His eyes were dilated and he reeked of that disgustingly expensive alcohol that Kelce gave him. His hand shot out, snatching you toward him as he sneered down at you. "Y-y'know, for someone who gets everything they want from me you don't fucking-" he barked, breathing out a humorless laugh as he shook you- "show me any goddamn respect. You get caught chatting up so-some loser and get mad at me for being a trashy, Pogue, whore-"

Rafe grunted as his head snapped back because you didn't smack him. You just socked the absolute fuck out of him. "God- dammit!" He touched his nose with a trembling hand and pulled it away to look at the blood that was already leaking down his philtrum and spread between the crevice of his lips.

He doesn't get a chance to speak again because you grab his jaw, acrylics biting into his face and squishing the meat of his inner cheeks against his teeth painfully.

You got real close to his face, eyes narrowed and lips curled into a snarl. "I don't fucking need you. I don't need you, or your coke-induced paranoia, or your goddamn daddy issues, or your fucking money. I wasn't 'chatting' that guy up, because he's my brother you idiot."

His lips parted an a hushed 'oh' fell from them as you snatched your hand away and scoffed in disbelief. "Are you serious? 'Oh'?" you mocked. "Not even an 'I'm sorry'? Better yet–getting on your knees and fucking begging for forgiveness? But of course not, that would be asking the world from Kook King, Rafe Camer...on," your voice died as you watched him slowly get on one knee, the other following.

His hand reached out and grabbed yours, bringing it to his pink, bloody lips to kiss your knuckles. Then he turned it over to press a kiss to your wrist... then your palm. His breaths were warm as they blew over your hand that he was now bringing to his face, his eyes softer now. So many times would you look at him and be staring into two voids that were nothing if not full of malice and something that made a person's soul ache.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I... I should've asked. I'm sorry, baby."

"Rafe-"

"I don't- I don't know what's wrong-" his voice wavered and his face pinched together as his skin flushed again, but not from anger but misery- "with me. I don't wanna be like this, I swear... m'not like this, okay? You believe me right?"

His other hand twisted itself into your dress, gripping your thigh. Words escaped you as you just let him pull you closer, and it was only natural when your arms cradled his head against your stomach.

Your heart was racing. You couldn't tell whether it was out of fear for this sudden, vulnerable turn or concern that this boy was hurting more than you thought inside. "Of course I believe you, baby," you whispered.

Wetness spread through your dress and the way he was trembling told you he was crying.

"I'll always believe you, Rafe... I'll always be on your side."

It took a while but he eventually got up from his knees, accepting your sweet, glossy kisses to his wet face as you apologized for hitting him. Somehow, you convinced him to just stay at Topper's house and sleep off what was in his system, and through your exchanged gazes it was unsaid that a break was needed between the both of you.

And the next morning, when you woke up and got dressed to go grab the mail, a bouquet of white yarrow flowers and purple hyacinths. The note inside was in his cursive handwriting.

I'll always wait for you

R. C.

an: comments and reblogs appreciated!

[yakumtsaki]

Dear readers, we've been through so much together and you know at this point it takes a lot for me to describe a situation as 'out of control'.. yet here we are. So Kea moves in and the following happens in the span of like 2 hours:

Barth beats up Felina.

Kea beats up Spice.

Barth beats up Cyan.

Felina beats up Barth. Like seriously, ENOUGH. I've decided that next generation when we're at the third cousin tier relation I'm just gonna let whoever wants to date a cousin do it because holy hell, breaking them up has been a disaster. Everyone is near aspiration failure, everyone has shit grades, we're BROKE, and to top it all off..

-HELLO AGAIN

Why. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING WE DON'T OWE ANY BILLS LIKE THIS IS LITERAL THEFT. I also love how everyone is already so miserable so the repoman just comes and takes all the fun objects we can't afford to replace, FML

Barth's aspiration meter is absolutely pathetic as a result of everyone viciously assaulting him and desperate times call for desperate measures..

-Well well.. If it isn't Glitched Butler #9.. How's it hanging? ;)

-Same as always, I'm here to not cook and to open the doors we no longer have thanks to Baby.

-You know what, I'm too depressed to seduce you so will you just sleep with me?

-As you well know my butler programming prohibits me from doing anything helpful!

FFS. It's ok Barth, I will fulfill your throw a party want, I don't see how anything could go wrong with the situation in this house being what it is!

-Hey there! Join our party! Sleep with me! I COMMAND YOU

Barth please get it together.

-I CAN'T FUNCTION ROMANTICALLY BECAUSE I'M SO SAD BUT I REFUSE TO THROW ANY WANTS THAT DON'T INVOLVE ME SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE

OK DO YOU MAYBE SEE THE PROBLEM WITH THAT APPROACH

-NO

-Ugh, Spice is so hot when he's crying after I beat him up.

Ok Kea, I'm only gonna ask this once: are you fucking kidding me????

-What? It's only natural to be attracted to your girlfriend's ex who is her cousin and your enemy.

I'm just gonna pretend I didn't see this shit and move on.

So I have invited several of Barth's existing and potential lovers to this party and my goal is to figure out who, if anyone, I'm gonna marry him to. Now please enjoy this sequence of events:

a) Barth is flirting with my current top spouse pick, Stella Terrano, and it's going great!

b) Barth leaves Stella Terrano to go sleep with GODDAMN GUNNAR. Since I can't seem to shake this fucker off, the only option remaining is to give him a ridiculous fake accent to make him bearable.

-Oi luvs you, Barth!

-Why are you talking like a servant from Downton Abbey? Also who the hell caught me cheating now?

Who knows or cares? Let's continue:

c) Barth goes downstairs to beat up Cyan.

d) Klara aka my former top spouse pick attempts to leap into Barth's arms and HE LETS HER DROP

-Äääääh mein arsch!

-Sorry Klara but I refuse to get caught cheating by Gunnar..

-..unless it's with Stella Terrano!

LOL OMG, I really thought I'd have to marry him to fucking Gunnar due to THIS SHIT:

But God's mercy finally shines upon me!!!

Oh man I'm so upset by this >:)

-Ha culd youse do 'is, ya broke ma 'eart!!!

-What?

-Oh my, turtles are considered the sexiest animal in my planet👽

Stella ffs. Oh well, so sad, goodbye Gunnar, I was really hoping to add your freakish lack of chin into our gene pool but looks like I won't have the chance huhu!

e) Barth flirts with Stella again and is caught cheating AGAIN..

f) ..by Sarah Love who I keep forgetting exists but man that's a HARDCORE slap, she legit got her fingers in his eyeball(s)

-SORRY WHATSYOURNAME BUT I THINK BLINDING ME IS A BIT OF AN OVERREACTION

Yay! See Barth, our amazing party did the trick and now everything is gonna be ok!

-IM BLIND IM BLINDDDD I CAN'T SEE

Excuse me?! You know what Barth I'm done helping you, nothing is ever good enough for you!

[iminyourwallsbabe]

One of the Good Ones (or why CaitVi in early season 2 was... like that)

Okay so I, like many people, were struggling with figuring out why Vi became an enforcer. I had a vague idea, and I also chocked it up to League lore making things a little strange but that wasn't enough for me. With how intentional everything is in this show I had to try and get to the bottom of it, and I think I have the answer.

Tldr; Both Caitlyn and Vi operate under the idea that the other is one of the "good" ones/an exception to their bias while both striving to be that to each other.

Let me cook

Okay so starting with this situation from Vi's perspective, all she's ever known and seen enforcers be are evil asf. This is a valid conclusion to draw, but naturally it creates a lack of respect for and bias against them. So, when Caitlyn shows up and isn't immediately an asshole and goes so far as to be *gasp* pleasant to be around, it's a huge shock. It's like "oh wow, finally, somebody with some sense". Plus, she just got out of prison and most of her family is dead so it's only natural that she'd attach herself to Caitlyn a little faster than she should have. I've said that before and people disagreed, which is fair, but I'll stand on that.

For Caitlyn, it's a similar situation but MUCH less traumatic and brutal. She's a sheltered rich girl who's only ever been told that Zaunites are the worst ppl ever, so naturally, even though she doesn't outright hate them, she has those implicit biases. But anyway, despite that, Vi shows up in her life and it's still a shocker to her. That's not what she was told would happen. Zaunites were supposed to be violent and scary and all sorts of other things but Vi is not that. At least not to that extent, she definitely is a little bit violent but not in the way Piltover would assume she would be. She was one of the good ones.

So that kind of becomes the foundation of their relationship, which is why it gets so rocky. They both like each other for the person they are but a lot of that is attached to the fact that they are not like the assumptions they had about the other's class of people. They both want to try and uphold that view though, and that's the problem.

For Caitlyn, she acknowledges that there's some issues with how Zaunites are treated and wants to try and avoid being part of what she thinks is the problem. She wants to be one of the good leaders who does the right thing. At least in season 1.

For Vi, she's the token minority. She understands how fragile her position is in all of this. As far as representation for Zaun, she was damn near all they had. As far as she knew, nobody was in that council room looking out for them. So the fact that Caitlyn even brought her with her to explain the situation with Silco was an insane opportunity. She had to do what she had to do to keep it because there was almost no chance that anyone else would make it that far, especially if she didn't try to disprove people's assumptions of her and her people. This isn't to say that she changed the way she acted a whole lot. She really didn't. Most of this was an accident, but now she was aware of how she acted in comparison to what Piltover's citizens thought of her.

To try and break that down I'll tell you a personal story. One time, I was with my aunts and they complimented me on how I wasn't like "those other girls with the big lashes and the wigs and etc" and how I was "so true to myself". I've heard things like that a couple of times but it made me hyper aware of it. I never intended to be contrary to most black girls, I just never really had an interest in lace front and lashes and that specific aesthetic, which isn't even a bad thing nor is that representative of every black woman. I wore a lace front for prom and I'm never doing it again, it just isn't my thing, but I'm not striving by any means to not be like that, whatever that means. But now that they said that, that's something I was thinking about. Were they disappointed when they saw my prom photos and saw me in that wig? Did they think I was trying to fit in? What would they think if they knew how many of "those types" of girls I hung out with?

That's the position Vi is in by the end of season 1, but with much higher stakes. Especially after Jinx blows up the council building. Now she has to try and be one of the good ones, because there's extra animosity towards Zaun.

Eventually, this culminates in the cop era. Vi kind of gets backed into a corner, I think. Not necessarily by Caitlyn but by the social pressure around them. As things get more and more tense after the second attack, it becomes less about siding with the enemy and more about "what's the best way to keep my people from suffering and dying", because that's the next move. If she takes the badge and works under Caitlyn, maybe she can have some control or at least some say in how things get handled. It wasn't her forgetting what they did to her and other people, in fact it was a hyper awareness.

This is also why Vi tells Caitlyn to take the shot at Jinx if she gets the chance. Once again, she was backed into a corner by the political situation. She didn't just suddenly give up on her. Look at how Caitlyn was moving in her pursuit of Jinx, y'all think Vi didn't see that? Y'all think she didn't know how much worse it could get? If killing Jinx was the only way to spare thousands of people, unfortunately that would be the better choice. I think people forget just how much Vi cares about Zaun. She is just as much an advocate for them as Ekko or Sevika. She just has a different approach due to her circumstances.

But as we've seen in the real world, holding power like that won't stop the oppression you face. Having black cops doesn't stop police brutality, having a gay governor doesn't erase conversion camps. If they don't want to hear you, they will not hear you no matter what position you occupy. And that's exactly what happened to Vi. Caitlyn didn't wanna hear her because she was too caught up in her own biases and feelings, and next thing you know, things get 10x worse. That isn't a dig at Vi, I think she tried her best given the circumstances but it was an uphill battle she was fighting, even with her girlfriend. Caitlyn took her opposition as a defense of Jinx, which was a reaction loaded with personal trauma and implicit bias. That would not have happened if she didn't see Vi as "one of the good ones".

That's a very heavy crown to wear, and it can and will fall off your head eventually.

It sounds like it's a wrap from there, but they do eventually get back together. I think that split needed to happen the way it did, they both needed to see that being an exception serves nobody. For Vi, she was the first to be hit with that but Caitlyn got that later. When she started to understand the scope of Ambessa's plans and began to recognize her own cruelty, Caitlyn started to see it too.

We all joke that she folded the minute she heard Vi call her cupcake again but it was deeper than that. She already had doubts about what she was doing, not enough to do anything yet but there were seeds. One moment I can specifically point to is when she sees the commune. Something like this, a place where you're not even allowed to have weapons, feel unreal in a place like Zaun. Then, she sees Vi, she sees her family, Vi calls her cupcake again, that is what solidified her decision to betray Ambessa. It wasn't really about Vi in that moment and more so the fact that this is exactly what she wanted at the end of her season 1 character arc. The plan she helped put into the world would have (and did) wreck all of that. She wanted to think of herself as the exception, not as cruel as Ambessa, not as intolerant as a regular enforcer, but in that moment she realized that her intentions and everybody else's were not the same and they weren't trying to hear her. The fact that they supported her so much means she was probably doing more harm than good. Still, notice how she doesn't renounce her position as an enforcer or even really criticize Piltover as a whole yet, she just separates herself from Ambessa.

I don't think it was fully drilled into her brain until the final battle where she's about to die. She's got a knife in her stomach and a gun to the back of her head, she's cooked, it's over, and that's when she really learned that this was so much bigger than her. I think going into the battle she still saw herself as the noble exception that was going to save the day, but when she was faced with the severity and how deep rooted the glorious evolution was, she learned then that her good deeds would never be enough to even come close to fixing this mess. Being one of the good ones did nothing for anybody she cared about.

This is why I'm of the belief that, even if she didn't lose her shooting eye, she probably would've stopped being an enforcer after that battle. Look at the ending. I know it isn't the perfect solution to all of this, but it still says a lot about where Caitlyn is headed post-canon. The council has new people on it including Sevika, which is presumably her decision because idk who else would have (at least anyone with the authority to do so). And, when we do see Caitlyn, she's at that computer thingy. I don't think she was just there to look for Jinx, she was probably also looking into her mother's solution to the air problem in Zaun. I'm also going to assume she's officially on the council now. Again, not what needed to happen but the very fact that she's no longer an enforcer says volumes. The very core of being an enforcer is holding up preexisting systems and whatever decisions are made by the council. If she wants to do anything helpful, that's not where she needs to be. She doesn't need to be enforcing the law of the corrupt, she needs to actually put out orders that at least force them to be better. She's arguably the most socially powerful person in Piltover right now, she has that power. They may not want to hear her, but they will. A really nice enforcer isn't shit compared to a firm leader who actually puts their ideals into action.

So long story short, that's why season 2 CaitVi had such an insane breakup, bye

[tora-the-cat]

A happy ending for Sasuke is literally not even POSSIBLE for basically ALL of Naruto like it's not even funny. He really never even had a CHANCE he has of living a decent life, it's not even on the TABLE, by literally no fault of his own (because he's never done anything wrong). I'm going to scream.

0-6? Forces unbelievably outside of his control are organizing, ensuring, and executing an ethnic cleansing of his entire clan at the hands of his favoritest person in the world. Forces including the shattered psyche of said favoritest person, who tortures him until he is too terrified and traumatized to even think about anything else for years.

7-12? enrolled in Child Soilder School, completely isolated socially (not as a pariah but as a prodigy) befret of any support system, still traumatized beyond belief, and left with no outlet for any of his issues besides obsessing over the day, one day in the future, where Itachi will be dead and all this unresolved suffering and guilt and love and anger and fear and fear and FEAR will go away forever. Right? Because it has to. There has to be an end. Right?

12? Government assigned found family give him the support and love and attention and outlet and for the future that he's been craving for so long he didn't even KNOW it's what he needed. Has a soulmate and a bestie that can read his mind and a mentor who actually is willing to meet him where he's at and help him and maybe even love him and is this......Hope? That perhaps he can have a life outside of what Itachi did to- Itachi. Itach- FUCK. ITACHI IS LITERALLY HUNTING NARUTO FOR SPORT WITH ALL HIS WAR CRIMINAL FRIENDS AND SASUKE SHOULDN'T HAVE LET HIS GUARD DOWN BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW STRONG KAKASHI OR EVEN THE WHOLE VILLAGE IS, ITACHI WILL KILL ANYONE SASUKE IS STUPID AND SHORT SIDED AND CRUEL ENOUGH TO CARE ABOUT, HOW DID HE FORGET, HOW DARE HE FORGET, HE NEEDS TO GET STRONGER HE NEEDS TO AVENGE HIS CLAN HE NEEDS TO FUFILL HIS FRATERNAL DUTY HE NEEDS TO LEAVE BEFORE ANYONE ELSE IS MURDERED BY ASSOCIATION-

13-16? He dropped a lit match on his support system behind him him and ran into the cold shadows of obsessive anger that he only stepped out of long enough to loose the ability to ignore the gnawing want for warmth. That's bad enough, not even taking cohabitating with goddamned OROCHIMARU. No further explanation required there.

17? Kills his brother, gets NONE of the 'benefits' he spent his life convincing (begging) himself must be awaiting at the end. Instead everyhting has, in fact, gotten much worse very quickly and now all he has is a list of powerful people and systems that don't work and hurts and kills and tortures the people they've promised to protect that no one except him will oppose because it's basically suicide, and isn't he already so familiar with being on the shit side of this dynamic? Isn't it the normalest thing in the world, to fill the hole where his vengeance used to be with a hunt with near identical goals and intentions of his first vengance, the only real difference being his increasing dissalussion with ever being able to 'go back home', his almost all comsuming doubt that there's a 'home' waiting for him still, if there ever even was? So he dives into another goal before it goes as cold as the love he doesn't dare indulge, accumulating more power and rage then he knows what to do with (where can he put it down? where can he put it down?) and no reason NOT to challange corruption until it's either all gone or it kills him. Naruto, once the only person who looked at him with empathy instead of pity or expectation, thinks he should grit his teeth and bear it and go back to the village, as if that was ever an option for him. Sakura, once the only person who understood him, who followed his every thought process with ease and loved him even when he thought himself a monster, has finally given up on him and tries to kill him. What can he do but laugh as the world burns? It burned him first.

(but if that was true, then why is he still so cold?)