#there are ways to at least try to fix my problem
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
ellecdc · 3 days ago
Note
Since we’re thinking about roommate AUs… ⛄️ with roommate!Remus and the prompt “uh, yeah- i took your sweatpants out of the laundry by mistake. sorry.”?
these two awkjfahiarhfawg -> the winter games
Remus Lupin x roommate!reader who acted in self-defence [804 words]
CW: landlords, it's very cold, fluff
Remus - though undoubtedly upset on his own behalf - was thoroughly devastated for you when he got home to find the flat nearly just as cold as it was outside. At least he got to spend his day in the warmth of the office; you were off today, and from the sniffles coming from the living room on account of your no doubt cold bitten nose, he knew you were home.
“Is this sodding radiator still not working?” He grumbled in way of hello as he hurried into the living room - coat, mitts, hat and all - to investigate. 
“No! Don’t touch it!” You shouted from the certifiable nest you’d made out of pillows and blankets from the entire flat. 
“Why not? It’s already not working; I hardly see how trying to fix it can make it any worse.”
“Yes but right now it’s the landlord's problem; if you go busting it in an attempt to fix it, we’ll be getting the bill.”
And damn the scenic yet ancient building the two of you called home, and damn your negligent landlord no doubt cosy with his own working furnace and perhaps even an operational fireplace in his warm flat, but mostly damn you for being so smart and so right and so cute. 
Remus let out a sigh and stood to face you. “Well, what have you been doing to stay warm all day then?” 
You pursed your lips as you looked around the flat. “Well, I was trying for cosy vibes with holiday movies, I lit candles mostly for ambience but there’s a part of my brain that insists the temperature rose at least one degree in response, and hot cocoa.” You finished your sentence by lifting the mug in your hand.
“I appreciate the effort, but I have a feeling that the cocoa is the only effective strategy at this point.” 
You smirked at him as you lifted the many blankets off of your lap and made to stand. “I’ll go make you one.”
You were just about to step behind the couch when Remus’ hand involuntarily shot out and grabbed you by your elbow. “Hang on.” Remus laughed accusatively. “What are you wearing?”
Remus had the feeling you were aware you’d been caught as you took a moment to consider your answer before slowly pivoting on your sock-clad feet, smiling at him bashfully. 
“Erm, yeah…I took your sweatpants out of the laundry by mistake. Sorry.” 
But Remus didn’t release your arm and you didn’t appear to expect him to; staring him down for a beat before you deflated with a theatrical moan. “Fine. I’m layered, okay!? Is that what you wanted to hear?!” And with this, you pulled the waistband of Remus’ sweatpants that you had needed to roll numerous times away from your hips to expose another set of your own thick sweatpants underneath them. “And underneath these sweatpants are a pair of leggings. I had tried putting two pairs of my own sweatpants on, but it was too tight and the feeling of losing circulation only left me more cold so yeah, I went back into your room after already hijacking your bedding and helped myself to a pair of sweats. Okay? But any grievances will need to be taken up with my attorney, Rem, because I am cold and it was self-defence!” 
You paused abruptly then; a heat now evident in your face as you panted, and he only hoped that the heat was a welcome reprieve from the cold. 
“I’m cold.” You repeated quite pathetically, and Remus couldn’t help it anymore. He laughed. A big, deep, belly-aching laugh. 
“Oh, oh god, my poor girl.” He managed between laughs, reaching out and pulling you towards him by the shoulders; you swayed into him all too willingly, burrowing into him greedily even though he was sure his jacket was still cold with the fresh winter air. “M’so sorry you’ve been so cold.”
“You should be.” You whimpered into his chest, clearly chuffed at getting the sympathy you’d been looking for. “I’m very cold.”
“I bet.” He agreed, rubbing a few stripes up and down your back before pulling away from you; he could actually see you mourn the loss. “How about you make me some cocoa, and I’ll go change into comfies and meet you in that nest of blankets; we can pool together our resources.” The resource was warmth, but you clearly understood that when you went all but flying in the direction of the kitchen.
“Make haste, Lupin!” 
Remus wasn’t ashamed - not even a little - at the speed in which he ran to his room to change out of his work clothes and into his comfies, grabbing another one of his jumpers to throw in the dryer for you.
What? Your outfit obviously wasn’t complete without a matching jumper.
378 notes · View notes
holysmokesblog · 2 days ago
Text
The Gray Reunion
Tumblr media
Vi x reader
Words: 1.5k
Warnings: Violence, mentions of illness, blood, slightly spicy kisses ;)
Summary: In the midst of the chaos, you struggle to help the people of the Lanes. The truth behind the disaster sparks a confrontation that will test your bonds
Note:English is not my first language, sorry
Tumblr media
In the past few hours, your modest apartment had turned into chaos. At least a dozen people had knocked on your door seeking help, intoxicated by something you hadn’t seen in years.
They could barely fit into the small living room, which also served as your kitchen and bedroom, waiting for you to help them, coughing out toxic fumes. Everyone expected you, just as your father had done in the past, to help or offer a solution, but you were completely lost, fumbling with medical supplies that had been stored away for years.
"The gray," murmured an older woman who was holding her husband as he struggled to breathe.
"That’s impossible," you replied. "We haven’t had problems with that in years, the ventilation system..."
"Then there must be a leak," she interrupted, raising her voice before a violent cough cut her off. You watched as her hand was splattered with blood. She inhaled deeply before continuing, "I’ve been through this before, but we don’t have the years on us anymore. Your father treated it countless times. Doesn’t he have notes somewhere?"
You sighed in defeat. "I’ve lost most of Dad’s things over the years. All I have left is what you see." You placed the stethoscope on a child’s back to listen to his breathing. "There’s nothing I can do. We just have to wait for the lungs to clean themselves... and stay far from the leak."
A collective groan arose from the people packed into your small space. "And how are we supposed to do that? We live there! Where can we go?" Various complaints began to rise.
"I wish I had an answer for you, but I don’t. We just have to wait until they repair the leak."
"They’re not going to fix it! It’s those damn enforcers! They’re killing us to get to Jinx!" Another wave of murmurs rippled through the room.
You tried to remain calm. Could that be true? Were the people above really capable of poisoning everyone just to catch Jinx? Those above had taken so much from you already that it seemed entirely plausible. But then an image came to mind—Violet. She was in Piltover now, and she would never let this happen, not to the place that had been her home for so many years and still was yours. Right?
You continued your work, trying to calm the rebellion brewing in your living room, tending to the most severe cases of nosebleeds and eye hemorrhages. But there wasn’t much more you could do. Around three in the morning, the last person finally left.
Exhausted, you collapsed onto your bed, utterly defeated. Chances were, all the patients you’d seen today would return tomorrow with new symptoms. It was impossible to recover from the gray while constantly exposed to it. You knew that if it was a crack, it would take years to fix. And if it was intentional, if they were hunting Jinx... that would also take time. There was no way they’d catch her.
A knock on the door kept you from falling completely asleep. You cursed under your breath—new patients. Your father’s voice echoed in your mind, reminding you how he wouldn’t rest until he’d helped the last person who needed him. You repeated the phrase to yourself before getting up to answer the door, only to be met with a great surprise.
Vi stood there, but the most shocking thing was her outfit. She was dressed as a full-fledged officer, an enforcer. You couldn’t suppress a gasp of utter disbelief. You had spent years of your life together; you knew her story as well as your own, and never would you have imagined the possibility of her wearing something like that—not even as a joke.
"I’m truly surprised," you murmured. She scoffed in irritation. You stepped aside to let her in, and she dropped her new, heavy gloves onto your floor. You bit your lip to keep from scolding her.
The past few days had been madness: Vi’s return, the search for Jinx, and your responsibilities trying to honor your father’s legacy had left you with barely a moment to breathe.
"Lots of patients?" she asked, trying to start a conversation.
"Too many," you replied, collapsing onto the bed again. She still stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. "You can lie down if you want... Unless you’re scared of dirtying that pretty uniform." She let out a short laugh before lying down next to you.
"I’ve barely seen you since you came back... I don’t think I ever got to tell you how happy I am that you’re here... Despite everything."
"Yeah, I suppose the first hug you gave me said it all."
"I mean it, Vi," you said, turning to face her. "Everything got so hard, but now you’re here, and I feel like things will get better."
She smiled faintly. "Yeah, we just have to fix a few things, and everything will improve." She propped herself up to sit beside you. "You look really pretty," she added. "Those dark circles suit you."
You couldn’t help but laugh. For just a moment, all the bad things disappeared. It was just the two of you in your small apartment—no Jinx, no gray, no problems in the Lanes. Just you two. Without thinking, you leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. She froze for a moment.
"I thought you missed me," she teased.
"I did."
"That’s not a reunion kiss. This is." Without warning, she leaned over and kissed you deeply. You welcomed her eagerly—it was like a breath of fresh air, something rare where you’d grown up. The kisses grew more intense, and your hands wandered over her torso and back. Vi positioned herself on top of you, using her hand for support on your pillow. But she quickly pulled it back.
"What’s this?" she asked.
You looked to the side, confused, and saw a large bloodstain. You hadn’t even noticed it. You sighed. "I’m really sorry." You sat up slightly, but Vi didn’t move off you. You grabbed the pillow and threw it to the other side of the room. "It’s been such a complicated day with the ventilation cracks."
"Yeah, don’t worry. I’m not at my best, either."
"Doesn’t seem like it." You kissed her intensely again, and she adjusted immediately.
"When all this is over, we should go on a real date. Like dinner and all that cheesy stuff."
You laughed against her lips at her failed attempt at romance. "I just hope it’s soon."
"It will be," she declared confidently. "Once they catch Jinx, everything will get better, and life in the Lanes will change—just like Vander always wanted."
Vi’s hands slipped under your shirt as you shared another passionate kiss, but her words lingered in your mind.
"Wait, wait, no," you said, pushing her slightly so she moved off you.
"Oh, do you want to take control, doll?" she teased.
"Did you have anything to do with this?" She looked confused, so you pushed her again to sit beside you. "The gas? Was it you?"
Vi stayed silent, hesitant to answer.
"Is this some kind of joke? You’re poisoning us just to catch your sister?" you shouted, furious.
"Hey, hey, it’s not like that... I mean, yes, but not how you think."
"You bitch," you spat, jumping out of bed. "Do you even understand the damage you’ve caused?"
"Listen to me. We used the gray to clear the streets, to keep people safe," she tried to explain.
"Used? Who’s ‘we’? You and your new enforcer friends? Well, you didn’t protect anyone!" You exploded. "Do you have any idea how many people you hurt? At least fifty came here today!"
"She’s a murderer! She killed half the council, she—"
"She’s not a traitor," you cut her off sharply.
The room fell silent as you watched Vi clench her fists in anger. You’d struck a nerve.
"Did you really do this for her? Or did your new enforcer friend convince you?" you spat, unable to hide your disgust.
"Don’t call her that!" Vi’s hands grabbed the collar of your shirt, pushing you against the wall.
You stayed inches apart for what felt like ten seconds before she let go, though she didn’t step back. Her heavy breathing mixed with yours, and you could smell the perfume from her uniform—a scent impossible to find down here.
"Get out of my house," you whispered.
"You have to understand—"
"Get out!"
Vi sighed loudly, grabbed her heavy gloves from the floor, and walked to the door. You opened it for her, stepping aside. She crossed the threshold without meeting your gaze but stopped in the doorway.
"I hope your new friend is worth it." She didn’t turn around, just kept walking down the dark street, away from your home.
You couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
What had you expected? Nothing had stayed the same over the years.
You locked the door before collapsing into bed. Tomorrow would be another hard day in the Lanes.
242 notes · View notes
myersesque · 2 days ago
Text
ok. so. viktor is my favourite character in arcane. i am also physically disabled and hate the Magical Miracle Eugenics Disability Cure trope with a fiery passion. naturally i have a lot of opinions about where his character is going, but for now, here's a relatively simple one:
internalised ableism has always been part of viktor's character. he describes himself as "a poor cripple from the undercity" (yes, quoting how other people speak about him, but still); he shies away from the spotlight even when jayce encourages him; as a child, he directly acknowledges his disability as the reason other children don't associate with him.
i watched a video essay recently ("how arcane writes men" by schnee) that identified viktor's tendency to just suck it up and push through his problems rather than dwelling on them as a stereotypically masculine trait, which he is written to both subvert and lean into. whilst i agree with that to some extent, i think for viktor specifically it's more of an insight into a very common mindset for disabled people to have; a lot of us do not want to be pitied, and understand that acknowledging our hardships will often unfortunately lead to being treated as attention seeking. he doesn't dwell on things because he can't, unless he wants to be looked down on more than he already is; he's already had to fight to even be acknowledged as more than somebody's assistant, or respected as a zaunite living and working in piltover. i can't imagine he's keen to show any further "weakness"; he only ever cries when he's alone. it makes sense that he'd want to save himself rather than relying on anybody else.
the dangerous thought process of "fixing" people with the hexcore begins with that desire to save himself. at first he's just trying to stop his illness from killing him, but then he progresses to carving runes into his leg, seemingly in the interest of fixing his limp - which works, albeit temporarily. he seems aware enough of the implications of what he's doing to be somewhat ashamed of it (or, at the very least, enough to hide it from jayce). i've seen a lot of (mostly able bodied) people interpret the scene of him running down the pier as victorious, but it always felt bittersweet and scary to me; the dark, painful fantasy of "fixing" the thing the world has always looked down on you for, and the unsettling knowledge that you were never supposed to exist that way. a man experiencing a moment of joy only when he has detached himself from a core aspect of his being; self hatred disguised as progress. he only seems to register the horror of what he's doing when it kills sky.
it's not a leap to say that, with the hexcore dulling his emotions and blurring the lines of his ethical code, he would turn this externally. self loathing so insidious that he mistakes it for kindness and mercy and points the blade of it at the people he swore he'd help. before merging with the hexcore, he was desperate to destroy it and rid himself of its influence, hindered only by his physical inability to do so; under its control, he's seemingly lost all those inhibitions, wiped clean of his understanding of its danger. no longer "clouded by emotion", no longer human enough to know better, no longer suspicious of the arcane.
what viktor becomes in season 2 is, i believe, a hellish mix of his own internalised ableism and the hexcore's desperation to spread and survive. his genuine desire to help people has been warped into stripping people of their individualism, forcing them into some predetermined ideal in the name of healing (very "the empty child" from doctor who). it's his own character flaws mixed with the inhuman apathy of the hexcore. the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and also dressed up so nicely that you don't even realise you're headed downwards.
this is not what viktor stood for, but rather a perversion of his own insecurities, with a fresh coat of hexcore paint to stop him (or his followers) from scrutinising it too closely. they took the guy who dedicated his life to bettering humanity, and warped him into something doomed to destroy it.
(or something like that. idk. i haven't slept.)
32 notes · View notes
ratlesshonret · 2 days ago
Text
Something that has struck me from being in the Limbus community a while now, and having recently joined the Limbus subreddit, is that Limbus Company has a big problem...
The Onboarding Experience.
THE PROBLEM
When I started Limbus, the sheer amount of shit to get was overwhelming. So many IDs and EGOs, all of which individually were so expensive that it took a ton of grinding just to get one thing.
That was ten months ago. I believe the amount of IDs/EGOs in the game has increased by at least 50% since then.
I grind a lot more than the average player, doing about 2 MDs a day, as well as all my dailies. It takes me about a week to save enough Shards to gain one Identity/EGO, not including any limited-time events or new BPs coming out. Right now, I have... I'd say just over half the EGO, and all but two Identities. After ten months of playing.
This is woefully slow. Sure, you don't need every EGO/ID to play the game, but if you want good teams, it'll likely take at least 2-3 months to Shard enough IDs and EGO to build enough good teams to reliably take on Refraction Railway without headache.
There's also the story content. For the first... almost four Cantos, the game is so easy that you don't really need to try. Just do Pulls to get 1-2 good IDs and then throw them at the story until you get through. Though of course, 4-48 always takes people by surprise. And then 5-30. And then Canto V Dungeon. And then BHK. And then--
Even me, who grinds a lot, was actually pretty underleveled until Canto VI, where I was just slightly underleveled. Because getting EXP Tickets, especially for a whole team, is slow as shit. And UT3ing a whole team, for a new player, is actually a serious time investment just for the bare minimum. I see people going into Ricardo with UT2 team members because they don't have Thread. And UT4? Forget about it.
Sure, you can say Limbus isn't very hard, but a lot of stages sort of play like stat checks. And getting those stats can be rough as a new player.
I know they've done stuff to remedy this, like the "New Players Event" or whatever, and they'll be tapering off the EXP Curve for levels above 45, but it doesn't seem like enough.
New players have to grind a lot just to get a good enough team to beat story content. Especially now that Canto VII has such rough encounters.
So what can we do?
POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS
-Improve the "New Player Track" to add enough to level/UT a full team
Feels like a bandage solution for such a serious problem.
-Bump up the rewards for ALL Thread and EXP Luxcavations
Could be a good solution, if done well. Though if you buff it too much, you risk making early and midgame content too easy.
-Bring back old Mirror Dungeons and Railways.
This is my personal favorite solution. Letting people run old MDHards as they came out to get rewards feels nice. And old Railway rewards definitely wouldn't break the game, since most of them came out at a time when people just generally had less stuff anyway, so the rewards are only okay by today's standards.
Also gives players more stuff to do other than the "Story > Thread/EXP > MDNormal" loop. And justifies the inclusion of those mini episodes they release upon a new RR/MD dropping to a modern audience.
This still doesn't "fix" Shards though. I feel like Shard economy is still really rough as a new player. I think my solution is just to increase how many BP Levels doing an MD gives you based on which one you're doing. So maybe MD1 gives two levels, MD2 gives three, MD3 gives four, etc...
If that happened, new players would have ways to get Shards as they do now, with more Shards the further they get into the story. And I wouldn't have to grind for a week to get one ID.
But maybe I'm insane and Shard economy is fine, who knows.
CONCLUSION?
no idea.
23 notes · View notes
cal-daisies-and-briars · 2 days ago
Note
🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🧜🏼🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲
YEAH ANNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two fics for you!!! Plus an ocean photo to set the vibes:
Tumblr media
57 for 🧜🏼:
---
So Eddie has gotten pretty good at hiding it. Why would this guy fucking know?
Eddie tries to dismiss his concern as paranoia. He’s gotten a lot less paranoid in the past five years or so. Back after his body got back to where he was comfortable with it. But that fear, he thinks, will never entirely be gone. He can acknowledge that that’s a him problem. Not necessarily a damning statement about his new coworker Buck. So he doesn’t give the concern any fuel in his brain. Buck doesn’t know about him. Even if the old trauma in his brain says that’s the only reason he’s so brooding and unhappy with Eddie’s presence. 
“So, a medal of valor, huh?” His new coworker, Chimney, asks on the way to their first call. 
Eddie shifts uncomfortably - he didn’t really want to talk about this. 
“Yeah,” he confirms. “Back in El Paso.”
“What did you do?” Chimney presses.
“Same stuff you guys do every day,” Eddie shrugs. “Just saved someone.”
Really, not a story he wants to get into. 
Buck rolls his eyes at this response. Fuck him?
“Who?” Chimney asks. “From what?”
“My former captain and another firefighter on our team,” Eddie says. He took a piece of shrapnel to the leg doing it, too. Not that that’s why he doesn’t want to discuss it. 
“Eddie,” Hen pipes in, clearly sensing his desire to change the subject. “Uh, have you heard about the hot firefighter calendar?”
Buck shoots Hen a sour little glare. What is his problem?
“Sorry, the what?” Eddie asks. 
“It’s for charity!” Hen grins. Captain Nash erupts with laughter. Eddie feels a little in the dark. 
“So, is your full name Eduardo?” Buck jumps in. 
Eddie tenses. His brain swaps back to that paranoid place. Does he know? Is he trying to figure out Eddie’s deadname? In front of everyone? What the fuck?
“No,” he responds. “Just Eddie.”
“People ever call you Diaz?” Buck continues. 
Wait… Okay. Not the direction he was thinking. 
“Not if they want me to respond,” Eddie says. 
Chimney and Hen exchange an amused glance. Eddie doesn’t understand what about any of this is funny. 
---
57 for 🌲:
---
Whatever. Buck will take care of him. He’s going to help him figure this out. Because if he doesn’t, how can they fix the Christopher shit? And they have to fix that, too. 
Enough is enough. 
iii. 
Over the next two days, nothing much happens. At least, nothing big and catastrophic like growing a tail or making leaves and wind appear in your bedroom. For that, at least, Eddie is relieved. He doesn’t think he can handle things getting worse. 
Eddie manages to convince the free telehealth psychologist provided to first responders of Los Angeles that he is suffering from a strange combination of burnout and depression. It’s actually absurdly easy to do. He doesn’t even really have to try. She just sort of… Believes everything he says? Replies with affirmatives. Tells him he is so justified in his feelings. Agrees to put him on indefinite mental health leave without many follow up questions. 
“Just tell me when you’re ready to come back and I’ll sign off on that too,” she assures him. 
It’s sort of freaky, actually, how easy that was. 
So they’re both out of work for the foreseeable future. They get some questions about it on the next day they’re supposed to work. Chim and Hen accuse them of leaving them with Gerrard. Chim is especially annoyed, considering that Buck’s leaving now that Buck isn’t Gerrard’s target. Buck is able to take the heat off by explaining his actual situation. Though Eddie sees the discomfort in his expression as he sends the text. Eddie thinks Maddie is more than likely going to show up inquiring about his well being, and Eddie will just have to hide. Eddie does what Buck says when it comes to him to offer an explanation. Sends out a sad, sort of pathetic message, about everything that’s happened lately really getting to him. He doesn’t feel fit to work. The worst part? It doesn’t feel like a lie. The ears and tail and teeth are just… Part of it. 
“Do you think they actually buy it?” Eddie asks anyway. “Or do they think the timing is suspicious?”
Buck sighs. “I don’t know. I can send them updates after my next appointment to sell it more.”
Eddie nods. “I feel bad.”
Buck’s mouth twitches. “Me too, a little. But… We have to figure this out, right?”
“Yeah,” Eddie mumbles. “We do.”
Figuring it out isn’t easy though. Any searches related to spontaneous foxtail growth only yields results about cannabis. Eddie wishes this was all a drug induced shared hallucination. He doesn’t think weed is that strong. Maybe he could use some anyway. 
Likewise, any of their searches about leaves and wind are sort of fruitless. There are some certifiably crazy Reddit posts. Some hokey online guides for manifesting spirits. 
16 notes · View notes
skunkes · 2 months ago
Text
the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
25 notes · View notes
fickleartdump · 16 days ago
Text
silly RoTE wall of text post
I know most people think RoTE is about love or struggles with mental illness or plain masochism, but for me my biggest takeaway is the theme of hope for the future, and how anyone can be a force for good. It's the reason why the series is my favourite.
Obviously, there's Beloved's whole character. They're so often uncertain- Hobb could have easily made them an all knowing prophet, but no. They're not sure about the right path to take. They don't always win, and not every change they effect is good, and the dragons aren't clearly good at first. It isn't just, or even mostly, them who pays the price for the change they make. They're all too aware of the cost of their decisions, and the utilitarian ethics they stand by doesn't make them feel better about it. But they still manage to make the future a better place, and do genuine good, against all odds, because they didn't give up.
But I think the biggest showcase of this theme is Fitz. He goes through so much, and is so flawed as a result. He's so rarely happy, and for most of his life, he has too much bad stuff going on in his personal life to really be there for the people he loves. He spends fifteen years in a cabin letting the people he loves think he's dead. Fitz spends big chunks of the series effectively ignoring his life, his hopes, his friendships, due to his magic- depression. He's constantly beaten down by the narrative. For lots of the series, he doesn't really have much will to live at all.
But despite this, he's still undeniably a force for good. He keeps going. He decides the fate of the Duchies. He brings dragons back to the world for Beloved, even though he's a small- scale guy with no interest in changing the whole world, because he thinks it's the right thing to do. Even though he's not a perfect father for Bee by the textbook, he's an great one in a lot of other ways. Fitz really wants his kids, and even though he's not emotionally equipped to be there for them, he learns not to give up on them after Nettle. By just being who he is, and not giving up on his life, Fitz changes the lives of everyone around him and the whole world in ways he'd never have envisioned.
Hobb's world is dark. It's a story where horrible things happen to everyone, but especially her main characters. But this is counterbalanced by her themes of hope. Even though horrible things happen, even though they're not always right or motivated to do the right thing, even though her characters don't even know what they're doing half the time, they manage to make some positive difference in the end. Where other stories with this level of darkness would throw their hands up and say the system is unassailable, Hobb allows her world and characters to change for the better. It's difficult and uncertain and inconsistent, but the change is there.
And that sort of justifies the levels of darkness in the story, because it's saying that no matter how bad things get or dark they are, no matter how hopeless things seem right now, don't give up. Because anyone can make a better future, no matter who they are.
RoTE, to me, says that the world is a dark place, and not easy to change. You might not succeed, or might be unable to be there for those you love, or might do harm to others in the process. But you can make the world a better place by living in it and going out of your way to fix it and one day, things might get better. It's the most helpful series I've ever read in thinking about how the real world could possibly change. Because no matter what world we lived in, Beloved would still keep trying to change it for the better, and Fitz would never stop improving people's lives by being who he is.
In times like today, this series reminds me that the rest of us can do the same.
16 notes · View notes
tamagotchikgs · 16 days ago
Text
i slept all day n all night n partially through the day again w only 1 interval and im still so tired im so exhausted my whole body is tense n sore
7 notes · View notes
rabbitsonthemoon · 4 months ago
Text
silly little headcanon
After a lifetime of Incidents and Shenanigans™ with his capture weapon, I bet Aizawa would be God-tier at untangling slinkies.
10 notes · View notes
cuteniarose · 1 month ago
Text
Sometimes I wish I had more people interested in my creations, but then I get hit by thoughts like “Imagine the outrage you’d be faced with if your Avatar Suiren AU was more popular. This is the fandom that still cannot ‘forgive’ Korra for SOMETHING THAT WAS DONE TO HER, calling her the worst Avatar for losing the connection to her past lives (which came about because she HAD RAAVA LITERALLY RIPPED OUR OF HER) and acting like that is somehow a worse offence than, say, inaction leading to genocide. The hate you’d get for intentionally making Suiren the last Avatar would be IMMEASURABLE” and go “… actually, I’m glad that for the most part it’s just @katkastrofa and I–”
(Though then again… would it even be an AU by yours truly if it didn’t contain at least one cancellable offence? 😁)
#don’t even try to tell me I’m wrong#also Suiren is even less like Aang than Korra is. she wouldn’t stand a chance in this fandom#everyone knows most people in this fandom can’t handle angry brown girls#and Suiren is honestly on a whole different level#so yeah#I’m glad it’s not a well known thing#but her biggest offence would of course be letting go of Raava#and thus also losing the connection to her past lives and ending the Avatar cycle#her next incarnation will not be the Avatar. they’ll be just a normal EK kid#and that is the biggest crime an Avatar could ever commit#deciding to spare future generations of the burden#the Avatar should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one person#and every Avatar we know of was stuck in an endless cycle of fixing their predecessors’ mistakes#nobody deserves that. especially not a child. and the Avatars ARE discovered as children for the most part#even at 16 like Roku Kyoshi and Kuruk is still way too young for having the fate of the world on your shoulders#I’d argue any age is too young#the world can’t depend on one person to solve their problems#the avatar is ultimately human. they make mistakes. they’re biased. they can be corrupted#and not a single generation goes by without at least one world-scale threat. nothing any avatar does is every enough. it’s a thankless job#no era of peace has ever lasted long. that has to be something worked for by the world at large#ending the cycle is the correct move because then the world will not be looking to the Avatar for every issue#and will actually start sorting shit out themselves. that’s my (very correct) view of it. at least#but again. this fandom will not be able to handle that. because they care about a bunch of long dead ghosts more than living characters#I’m sorry but sparing at least one kid of the trauma that comes with being the Avatar makes losing the past lives connection worth it#to me at least. and it’s not like breaking the connection erases them from ever existing like Greater Lord Rukkhadevata. they’re remembered#just can’t be accessed anymore. and that’s okay. they deserve to rest#(forgive me for the Genshin Impact reference it was the only thing I could think of. it was a brief phase I don’t play it anymore)#anyway. idk where this rant/meta just came from. I apparently have A Lot of thoughts about this AU that aren’t limited to Kuviren smut lmao#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness
5 notes · View notes
nightfuryblue19 · 14 hours ago
Text
aaaaaa
#this is becoming a realy bad issue ruining my life but i cant talk to anyone about it :(#even just it in the wild drives me crazy its so bad ...idk where to go about it#uggh...it really sucks. it sucks so bad. like i literally cannot do anything about it. even if i were to have someone i trust enough to#talk to about it its just so fucking...i cant tell anyone...SO im gonna be vague about it sorry x_x i know ppl get so curious#sorry im venting in the tags because i feel bad making an actual post#not like it changes anything lmao but it makes me feel better#i feel really bad venting on here but its kind of comforting. i wont do it again..or..often#i wish icould fix this. one tiny thing and it sends me into this like...spiral. it sucks. it sucks. its so embarrassing#its making my life a hell i try to avoid it as much as possible luckily its easy to avoid but when i come across it it HITS me#it hits me. like right now. i hate it. and it hits me and it makes me realize how bad it really is and it takes up my mind for hours#like seriously? out of every problem i could have why is it this lol#i wish i knew what was wrong with me.. i dont think its normal..but oh well#sorry for venting im fine ill try to not do it again or at least go in depth like this. its just. ruining my life i have to get it out-#-in some way even if its vague like this. i dont know if this makesm e feel better even#i think im pmsing lol which probably makes it a bit worse so im fine#venting on tumblr is so embarrassing but i just. no one i trust i can talk to about this. this is all i got#sorry for clogging ur dash lol#i wish i was normal -_-#thunder roars
2 notes · View notes
phantajam · 4 months ago
Text
my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of “they had love in them all along” moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole “I dont need a prince” arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
3 notes · View notes
princessmyriad · 24 days ago
Text
.
#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
4 notes · View notes
againstdying · 2 months ago
Text
my foot pain problem is getting worse & i got new insoles for both my work shoes & my everyday shoes (which i think are the pair causing the problem which really sucks bc i kinda splurged on them so i could have a pair of everyday shoes that werent my work shoes or my boots. and they've developed a squeak) but i havent put them in my work shoes yet & i need new work shoes soon regardless of whether theyre the problem but shoes are expensive & i need to get the same pair i've bought twice now over the past 3 years bc i know theyre comfortable and fit well. and i technically have the money but i also am moving soon and i dont know yet what the moving costs will be so i dont want to be throwing money around if it can wait which it can except my foot hurts AND. the other one has started hurting too. can we do something about this
2 notes · View notes
skrunksthatwunk · 1 year ago
Text
wip as an excuse to show her off because she's cute to me but also so i can rant in the tags about The Malfunctions I Am Experiencing During This Piece
Tumblr media
18 notes · View notes
fingertipsmp3 · 1 year ago
Text
2024 affirmation: I will not dislocate my knee
#genuinely will be my thirteenth reason if this happens again and i’m not joking#i don’t think most of the people in my life get it. they don’t get what it’s like for every single step you take to cause you pain#for MONTHS on end. this started in MAY#and they don’t get what it’s like to have pain when you’re just standing up. or to worry that your knee is randomly going to give out on you#and that that’s going to be it this time and you’re going to need a knee replacement#OR; maybe worse; that your Other knee which has never given you a single problem will suddenly decide to give out (maybe due to all the#strain that’s been on it) and you’ll have to walk like a crab until that one heals#or to wonder if you’re just malingering and being too lazy. meanwhile doing all the exercises that your physio recommends you#+ taking a pilates class + buying a walking pad and trying to walk on it 5 days a week#+ going on a diet; cutting down on salt and overly processed food in the hope it’ll give you more energy#so you can exercise more and drop some excess weight so there’s maybe less strain on your knees and ankles#(or at the very least build muscle rather than fat so that the muscles are just better)#not to mention that nobody knows what the fuck is wrong with me. x-ray came back clear apart from ‘fluid on the knee’#which by the way - has never actually gone away? that x-ray happened on the 5th of july. i’d been injured for 6 weeks already by then#i still get this godawful like.. almost Bubble of fluid on the top right of my kneecap whenever i’ve been walking a lot#coming up on five months and i still have swelling. why. i’ve iced it into fucking oblivion#my doctor thought i had a hamstring tear. nope. my physio can’t find anything structurally wrong with me#we fixed the quad lag and my complete lack of ability to straighten the leg#but i still have pain and i still have discomfort and i still limp and i still feel like my kneecap is floating in a fucking soup#at this point i wonder if i have arthritis and nobody has noticed. the knee is crunchy. 🥴#all of it just makes me feel like i’m going insane. i fell and i was like ‘oh i’ll be fine in two weeks’#two weeks later i couldn’t even walk unassisted. like.#what did i doooooooo. why does no one seem to know. why does nothing show up on tests. idgi#personal#rant
7 notes · View notes