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merlinband-archive · 1 year

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Pop In The Supermarket

Source: Melody Maker (uploaded to twitter by user Chrised90751298 and originally reposted to tumblr by user RushingHeadlong)

Date: March 23, 1974

(Transcript Below)

POP IN THE SUPERMARKET

Conveyer rock - is it all a hype? Colin Irwin looks at pre-packed pop and talks to the men behind new bands Queen (left) and Merlin

Hype. An ugly, unpleasant word frequently recurring in rock circles.

Up in the boardroom of a vast record company the fat cigar brigade are scratching heads. Binn and Batman have come up with another surefire hit and they want somebody fresh to market it. They ponder a few names and finally decide on one with slight but clear sexual connotations - suggestively camp.

Name settled, they work on the people who will be in this new band. They might be able to find a ready-made group to fit the bill but better to mould their own. There’s a singer who has been around for a few years.

He’s not great but he knows how to throw himself around a stage, has a hairy chest and can hit the high notes. Give him a new name and he’ll do. Somebody knows a lead guitarist who can play a bit and looks good. They can advertise for the others.

They’ll work out a sensational stage act, rig them up in some flash gear, buy them the best equipment and arrange a string of appearances in some influential venues. Plunge a few thousand quid in launching them with advertising and posters and “They’ll be the biggest thing since sliced bread,” chief fat cigar tells his underlings.

Session musicians are employed to record the single and being a Binn and Batman special the radio stations label it “chart bound” and play it twenty five times a day. Seeing the glossy photos in the bop mags the kids gather up their pennies and buy it.

VOILA, stars are born - or manufactured. An extreme form of hype.

There’s also a cliché commonly used in the business about people who have been around for many years and finally make it. It’s called talent-will-out. An idealist phrase but there is still a popular belief that if a band is truly talented enough it will win through in the end.

Yet even the greatest band in the world need a bit of pushing in the first place. When a record becomes a hit it’s not always that easy to distinguish between hype and talent-will-out.

If a record company spends astronomical sums of money promoting a band, is it hype? Or is it a legitimate and necessary weapon in the music business? The argument is that the BBC’s ever-tightening playlist and the effects on the industry of the three-day week have made it harder than ever for a new group to make it - talent or no. Without a big money machine behind it there isn’t a hope.

The situation is illustrated by two energetic new bands, who both look like breaking.

Big money has been spent on Queen and Merlin, who have had new singles released during the last month.

Queen’s record, “Seven Seas Of Rhye,” is already moving swiftly up the chart, while Merlin’s “Let Me Put My Spell On You,” is doing well enough to suggest it might follow suit.

There is no suggestion that either band is a manufactured or manipulated product in the sense of the Monkees. They play the music on their own records entirely themselves and they are both hard at work on the road.

Yet the question arises as to whether they would be doing quite so well without the resources of big companies behind them.

In the case of Queen it’s Trident Audio Productions and EMI and for Merlin it’s Cookaway Productions and CBS.

The one common factor is that money and backing has been provided because the companies have a solid, unshakeable belief in the artists they are promoting. They are indignant about any suggestion of a put-on or that there has been any attempt to con the public.

Listen to Merlin’s producer Roger Greenaway for half-an-hour and there is no doubting his faith in their ability. “They are going to break, I know they are. I’m convinced the record will be a hit.”

Nobody’s saying exactly how much it has cost to launch either band. “Over a period of months between £5,000 and £10,000” has been spent on marketing Queen by EMI while the figure for Merlin is even vaguer. “A bit, but not a vast amount. Not a fortune by any means.”

“Seven Seas Of Rhye” is Queen’s second single and was recorded as part of the album “Queen 2” which has just been released. Things started to move for them about a year ago when they recorded their first album for Trident, who have a distribution contract with EMI.

An advance was paid to them to help with the immediate costs of putting them on the road.

Review copies of the album - about 400 of them - were sent out to everyone who might conceivably have any influence on the record buying public, from discos to the national press. Copies were personally distributed to radio and TV producers and extensive advertising space was bought in the trade papers.

The launch for Queen was more concentrated than most artist are entitled to expect.

Trident were completely behind them from the start and found them their American producer Jack Nelson. EMI promotions men Ronnie Fowler and John Bagnall decided they had a product with an exceptional chance of success and they went all out to exploit it to the full.

Says Fowler: “Every record we release we work to a pattern of promotion. When I went round with the album it was normal procedure. It becomes un-normal when people start phoning you - that’s when you put more effort into it.”

Bagnall adds: “It became obvious after a week or so that it wasn’t standard promotion that was necessary. We did a more complete promotion job than usual on Queen because we thought they were going to make it.

“They’re all good-looking guys and I did a round of teeny papers and all the girls in the office swooned over them. Brian, the lead guitarist, had made his own guitar and a couple of the nationals picked up on that. It was good, gossipy stuff.”

Queen’s publicity machine was working from all angles because they were also getting external promotion from Tony Brainsby’s promotion office.

He had been involved with them from the time they had been trying to get record producers interested. The intensity of it all paid off when they were invited to do a spot on the Old Grey Whistle Test. Radio Luxembourg latched upon the single “Keep Yourself Alive” and played it regularly.

Their first tour, supporting Mott the Hoople, got the full works. Local press was saturated with releases about this new band which was shortly coming to their town, elaborate displays were arranged at the front of the house on the night of the concert, local disc-jockeys were informed, and window displays were made in about 200 local record shops.

“Trident and EMI committed themselves right from the start to this band, to make sure they had a PA which was better than other bands had and to make sure they had the right clothes. Some of their outfits cost £150 each,” said Bagnall. “Spending money on a band isn’t hype. It wasn’t being flash or extravagant for the sake of building an image. It was making sure that everything else was as good as their music.”

Not so far removed from the attitude towards Merlin, although it has been on a smaller scale in this case.

The first Merlin tour, still underway, is rigorous. They are playing ballrooms and colleges all over the country on a lengthy round.

An ambitious project for a new, unknown band, but it has already been successful in that it has launched them as a name people now know. A full-page advertisement was bought in the MM. That’s the sort of treatment you might get if you’re Bowie, or Ferry, or even Mick Ronson. But Merlin?

They have only been in existence in their present form since last May.

They emerged as a result of discussions between Alan Love and Derek Chick about the possibility of forming a band with definite commercial appeal and a glamorous stage act. The idea reached fruition via a band called Madrigal, who had for some time been working the same circuit as Mud before “Crazy” broke for them.

Madrigal disbanded but reformed with the same drummer and bass player, and Love as singer and Chick as manager. A couple more young musicians were found to join them and Chick started the usual hustling to get them going.

In due course they came to the attention of Cookaway, and Roger Greenaway was hastily summoned to take a look at them. He had already seen Madrigal and when he saw the new model he immediately saw a big future for them.

Greenaway says: “I’d been looking for a group of this type for three years - a young under-20s group who can present a good act. There’s a lot more showmanship attached to bands now. I wanted an act with a slightly different approach. I was in New York producing the Drifters and I came back especially to hear them.”

He quickly took them into a studio to see how they reacted there and among the tracks they recorded was “Let Me Put My Spell On You” which had been written by Greenaway in collaboration with Tony Macaulay. Like Queen, the best equipment and some fancy costumes were bought for them and the launching process was put into operation.

My own experience of the Merlin project was a couple of weeks ago at Reading Top Rank - a bizarre mixture of precocious boppers, ageing teds, and stern-looking heavies.

Posters and pictures of the group were plastered all over the place and by the time they eventually appeared late in the evening you had been informed quite thoroughly that Merlin had made a record called “Let Me Put My Spell On You.”

Greenaway says of Love: “He’s got star quality and he’s a great charmer. The guitar player Jamie Moses has got a terrific potential too. I’ve worked with Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones but for me this guy at 18 is a better player than Jimmy Page was at the same age. He’s the sort of player guys can follow - like Jet Harris - he had an incredible following with the guys.”

He likens the Merlin launch to a military operation. The career of the group has been minutely planned since October. Accepting that it is almost impossible to get airplay for a new band on the BBC they decided the best way to break them was through a solid mass of live dates.

The dates were booked, once again the best equipment, including a light show, was bought for them, and distinctive stage costumes especially designed.

“By the time the tour has ended they will be a really tight band. We are getting support in the regions and you can break a record if you can get regional radio stations and disco plays. I believe this record is a hit and the signs are there. This is a ten-year job as far as I’m concerned.”

Not that big money backing is any guarantee of success.

One of the biggest projects of this type was the launching of young Darren Burn as Britain’s answer to Donny Osmond. To their eternal credit the record-buying public didn’t apparently want an answer to Mr Osmond and the campaign failed.

The pop supermarket is not a new trend. The attractively packaged mass-produced record has been a part of the industry for a long time. The early releases of Love Affair, White Plains and Edison Lighthouse for example spring to mind.

The whole thing is justified for the makers by the fact that they still become hits, thus proving there is a demand for made-to-order records. If the public is willing - or gullible enough - to pay 50p for music created in the boardroom. Well it must be OK.

The Merlin single is blatantly, unashamedly aimed at being a big hit - that seems to have been the one criterion in making it. It has all the ingredients and as the whole thing has been done with concentrated professionalism it will probably be a hit.

Back to Roger Greenaway: “I don’t want to present this as a Monkees type of image. It’s not a manufactured group in any way - these guys have all been in other bands.

“What Merlin are about is success - reaching people. It’s so wrong for opposing people to criticise. If Chinn and Chapman go out to reach a particular market at the thing they do best, and they reach them, then they’re doing their job. They’ve filled a gap.

"When this record happens it’ll be called hype but we haven’t hyped anybody. Not a vast amount of money has been spent on them. It would be silly to have a tour like this without some sort of advertising. All the money that has been spent on them so far has been towards getting them on the road.

"It’s expensive but it’s minimal if you think of it as a along term thing.”

It may be unfair to associate Queen with the pop supermarket. The group themselves were apprehensive about appearing on Top Of The Pops and the prospect of a hit record.

They have always regarded themselves as an album band and were concerned about being connected with the chart groups. The fact remains that they have been on the receiving end of a giant campaign to create a best-selling single and album.

The first album had sold far better than they had anticipated and there was great excitement around Trident and EMI as the second one was being made. Manager Jack Nelson came in virtually every day to play new tracks as they were completed and many discussions followed on which one should be released as a single.

A special meeting was held between Bagnall, Fowler, marketing manager Paul Watts and a few others to discuss the approach to the release of “Queen 2.”

“We talked about the possibility of boxing the album, and other various publicity and posters needed to produce an album we were convinced was going to be one of the biggest of the year. We set a high target for it. ‘Seven Seas’ isn’t a housewives’ record so with the daily shows like Edmonds, Blackburn and Hamilton, there’s no chance of getting it played, we knew that from the start. But the weekend shows - Rosko, Henry, and D.L.T. - they all flipped over it. I took the records round personally because I felt so strongly about it.”

The prime plug, however, is Top Of The Pops. If a record gets exposure on that there is a more than even chance that it will become a hit. He played it to the show’s Robin Nash and a couple of days later Nash phoned him and asked him where Queen were. Later he rang back and invited Queen to do a session.

The band weren’t too sure whether they wanted to do it but eventually agreed although even then they didn’t know until the last minute whether it would be used because they were half expecting a David Bowie film to arrive and take it’s place. But in the end Queen were shown and “Seven Seas Of Rhye” moved dramatically from there.

“A lot of people have invested an awful lot of time and money in this band but not as a hype,” says Bagnall. “The only truth in the music business is that if a band isn’t good, no amount of money will get them to make it.”

Greenaway may be right that Merlin are one of the most exciting bands to merge since the Beatles. Fowler might be right that Queen are one of the best since the Who. But big business still remains one of the sadder aspects of the music industry today.

#clippings

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rushingheadlong · 4 years

Photo

POP IN THE SUPERMARKET

Conveyer rock - is it all a hype? Colin Irwin looks at pre-packed pop and talks to the men behind new bands Queen (left) and Merlin

Hype. An ugly, unpleasant word frequently recurring in rock circles.

Name settled, they work on the people who will be in this new band. They might be able to find a ready-made group to fit the bill but better to mould their own. There's a singer who has been around for a few years.

He's not great but he knows how to throw himself around a stage, has a hairy chest and can hit the high notes. Give him a new name and he'll do. Somebody knows a lead guitarist who can play a bit and looks good. They can advertise for the others.

They'll work out a sensational stage act, rig them up in some flash gear, buy them the best equipment and arrange a string of appearances in some influential venues. Plunge a few thousand quid in launching them with advertising and posters and "They'll be the biggest thing since sliced bread," chief fat cigar tells his underlings.

Session musicians are employed to record the single and being a Binn and Batman special the radio stations label it "chart bound" and play it twenty five times a day. Seeing the glossy photos in the bop mags the kids gather up their pennies and buy it.

VOILA, stars are born - or manufactured. An extreme form of hype.

There's also a cliché commonly used in the business about people who have been around for many years and finally make it. It's called talent-will-out. An idealist phrase but there is still a popular belief that if a band is truly talented enough it will win through in the end.

Yet even the greatest band in the world need a bit of pushing in the first place. When a record becomes a hit it's not always that easy to distinguish between hype and talent-will-out.

If a record company spends astronomical sums of money promoting a band, is it hype? Or is it a legitimate and necessary weapon in the music business? The argument is that the BBC's ever-tightening playlist and the effects on the industry of the three-day week have made it harder than ever for a new group to make it - talent or no. Without a big money machine behind it there isn't a hope.

The situation is illustrated by two energetic new bands, who both look like breaking.

Big money has been spent on Queen and Merlin, who have had new singles released during the last month.

Queen's record, "Seven Seas Of Rhye," is already moving swiftly up the chart, while Merlin's "Let Me Put My Spell On You," is doing well enough to suggest it might follow suit.

Yet the question arises as to whether they would be doing quite so well without the resources of big companies behind them.

In the case of Queen it's Trident Audio Productions and EMI and for Merlin it's Cookaway Productions and CBS.

Listen to Merlin's producer Roger Greenaway for half-an-hour and there is no doubting his faith in their ability. "They are going to break, I know they are. I'm convinced the record will be a hit."

Nobody's saying exactly how much it has cost to launch either band. "Over a period of months between £5,000 and £10,000" has been spent on marketing Queen by EMI while the figure for Merlin is even vaguer. "A bit, but not a vast amount. Not a fortune by any means."

"Seven Seas Of Rhye" is Queen's second single and was recorded as part of the album "Queen 2" which has just been released. Things started to move for them about a year ago when they recorded their first album for Trident, who have a distribution contract with EMI.

An advance was paid to them to help with the immediate costs of putting them on the road.

The launch for Queen was more concentrated than most artist are entitled to expect.

Says Fowler: "Every record we release we work to a pattern of promotion. When I went round with the album it was normal procedure. It becomes un-normal when people start phoning you - that's when you put more effort into it."

Bagnall adds: "It became obvious after a week or so that it wasn't standard promotion that was necessary. We did a more complete promotion job than usual on Queen because we thought they were going to make it.

"They're all good-looking guys and I did a round of teeny papers and all the girls in the office swooned over them. Brian, the lead guitarist, had made his own guitar and a couple of the nationals picked up on that. It was good, gossipy stuff."

Queen's publicity machine was working from all angles because they were also getting external promotion from Tony Brainsby's promotion office.

"Trident and EMI committed themselves right from the start to this band, to make sure they had a PA which was better than other bands had and to make sure they had the right clothes. Some of their outfits cost £150 each," said Bagnall. "Spending money on a band isn't hype. It wasn't being flash or extravagant for the sake of building an image. It was making sure that everything else was as good as their music."

Not so far removed from the attitude towards Merlin, although it has been on a smaller scale in this case.

The first Merlin tour, still underway, is rigorous. They are playing ballrooms and colleges all over the country on a lengthy round.

An ambitious project for a new, unknown band, but it has already been successful in that it has launched them as a name people now know. A full-page advertisement was bought in the MM. That's the sort of treatment you might get if you're Bowie, or Ferry, or even Mick Ronson. But Merlin?

They have only been in existence in their present form since last May.

Greenaway says: "I'd been looking for a group of this type for three years - a young under-20s group who can present a good act. There's a lot more showmanship attached to bands now. I wanted an act with a slightly different approach. I was in New York producing the Drifters and I came back especially to hear them."

He quickly took them into a studio to see how they reacted there and among the tracks they recorded was "Let Me Put My Spell On You" which had been written by Greenaway in collaboration with Tony Macaulay. Like Queen, the best equipment and some fancy costumes were bought for them and the launching process was put into operation.

My own experience of the Merlin project was a couple of weeks ago at Reading Top Rank - a bizarre mixture of precocious boppers, ageing teds, and stern-looking heavies.

Greenaway says of Love: "He's got star quality and he's a great charmer. The guitar player Jamie Moses has got a terrific potential too. I've worked with Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones but for me this guy at 18 is a better player than Jimmy Page was at the same age. He's the sort of player guys can follow - like Jet Harris - he had an incredible following with the guys."

The dates were booked, once again the best equipment, including a light show, was bought for them, and distinctive stage costumes especially designed.

"By the time the tour has ended they will be a really tight band. We are getting support in the regions and you can break a record if you can get regional radio stations and disco plays. I believe this record is a hit and the signs are there. This is a ten-year job as far as I'm concerned."

Not that big money backing is any guarantee of success.

One of the biggest projects of this type was the launching of young Darren Burn as Britain's answer to Donny Osmond. To their eternal credit the record-buying public didn't apparently want an answer to Mr Osmond and the campaign failed.

Back to Roger Greenaway: "I don't want to present this as a Monkees type of image. It's not a manufactured group in any way - these guys have all been in other bands.

"What Merlin are about is success - reaching people. It's so wrong for opposing people to criticise. If Chinn and Chapman go out to reach a particular market at the thing they do best, and they reach them, then they're doing their job. They've filled a gap.

"When this record happens it'll be called hype but we haven't hyped anybody. Not a vast amount of money has been spent on them. It would be silly to have a tour like this without some sort of advertising. All the money that has been spent on them so far has been towards getting them on the road.

"It's expensive but it's minimal if you think of it as a along term thing."

It may be unfair to associate Queen with the pop supermarket. The group themselves were apprehensive about appearing on Top Of The Pops and the prospect of a hit record.

A special meeting was held between Bagnall, Fowler, marketing manager Paul Watts and a few others to discuss the approach to the release of "Queen 2."

"We talked about the possibility of boxing the album, and other various publicity and posters needed to produce an album we were convinced was going to be one of the biggest of the year. We set a high target for it. 'Seven Seas' isn't a housewives' record so with the daily shows like Edmonds, Blackburn and Hamilton, there's no chance of getting it played, we knew that from the start. But the weekend shows - Rosko, Henry, and D.L.T. - they all flipped over it. I took the records round personally because I felt so strongly about it."

The prime plug, however, is Top Of The Pops. If a record gets exposure on that there is a more than even chance that it will become a hit. He played it to the show's Robin Nash and a couple of days later Nash phoned him and asked him where Queen were. Later he rang back and invited Queen to do a session.

The band weren't too sure whether they wanted to do it but eventually agreed although even then they didn't know until the last minute whether it would be used because they were half expecting a David Bowie film to arrive and take it's place. But in the end Queen were shown and "Seven Seas Of Rhye" moved dramatically from there.

"A lot of people have invested an awful lot of time and money in this band but not as a hype," says Bagnall. "The only truth in the music business is that if a band isn't good, no amount of money will get them to make it."

----------

Huge thanks to the anon who brought this to my attention, since I’ve been looking for a copy of this article for ages now!

Credit for the original scans goes to @Chrised90751298 over on twitter, though I stitched it back together into a single image for ease of posting over there. Open the image in a new tab to see the full-size version!

#queen band #queen #queenband #merlin band #long post //#text

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florrickandassociates · 3 years

Text

TGF Thoughts: 5x01- Previously on...

Welcome back!! I’m so excited to be writing one of these again. I think this hiatus has been the longest I’ve gone without new Diane Lockhart content in ten years, and it sure feels like it. A lot of important stuff has happened in the time since TGF season four ended (not concluded—ended). Most notably, CBS All Access became Paramount+ and suddenly started offering a lot of content I care about! I kid. 2020 was quite an eventful year, so I was curious how television’s most topical show was going to take it on. TGF is always forward-looking, but too much happened in 2020 to be ignored. And while I didn’t think TGF would have much to say about the pandemic, it seemed impossible to imagine a season five that pretended it never happened. Going into this premiere, I was expecting that they’d either skip COVID entirely or include very few references, but after seeing this episode, I feel like the writers took the only approach that made sense. And that is why they are the writers, and I'm just some girl on the internet who writes recaps.

Anyway, before I dive into the episode, I should also note that my pandemic boredom spurred me to actually pay $30 to watch this episode early as part of the virtual ATX Festival. Yes, I paid $30 on top of the money I spend every month on Paramount+ for this show. But I write tens of thousands of words about each TGF episode—are my priorities really that surprising? I note this not to brag or even to poke fun at myself, but because watching the episode before I knew a single thing about it (not even the title!) completely changed my viewing experience. I’ve never had an experience like this with TGW or TGF. I’m one to search for critics tweeting cryptically about screeners and refresh sites looking for background extras (haven’t done this in the TGF era, though) and read every single piece of press I can find. For any big episode, I usually know the outline of what to expect going in (I even knew about Will before the episode aired in the US!). Not this one! So, I got to be surprised, and I had to—gasp—formulate my own opinions before I knew what anyone else thought! It was really pleasant, actually. I think the structure of the episode worked extremely well for me because it caught me by surprise... and also because I’m the kind of person who somehow managed to write a college paper about Previously On sequences.

I see Tumblr has made it so that “keep reading” expands the post in your dash instead of opening a new tab. I absolutely hate this. Here is a link to the post you can click instead of the keep reading button!

The ATX stream started mid-sentence, meaning I missed the “Previously On... 2020...” title card and skipped right to Adrian saying “I’m retiring.” It was pretty easy to pick up on the device (the directness of the scenes at the start, their cadence, and their placement in the episode made it clear this was meant to mimic a Previously) but the second title card hit way harder because... well, I had no idea if this was meant to be 2020 or some moment outside of real time until a bit later in the episode.

Man, before I get any farther into this, two things that I don’t know where else to put. First, this episode had to cover so much ground. They had to write out both Adrian and Lucca—more on that later--, figure out how to deal with all of 2020, figure out how to either wrap up or continue all the truncated season 4 plotlines, and set the stage for a new season... in 50 minutes.

Second, just wanna shout out the Kings’ other Paramout+ show, Evil, which you should absolutely be watching even if you hate horror. Evil is a Kings show, so it is unsurprisingly topical (sometimes evil takes the form of racism or misogyny or Scott Rudin) and at times very, very funny. I would be recapping it if Paramount+ weren’t attacking me personally by airing it at the same time as TGF. Ever hear of too much of a good thing, people?! (On that note, I am VERY upset with myself for not having made a Good vs Evil joke about the Good shows and Evil. I didn’t even think about it until Robert King made the joke on Twitter, and it was right fucking there. How did I fail so miserably?!)

So STR Laurie, who wants a 20% downsizing, is still a thing. Noted.

This scene with Landau is the only one in this previously that is actually old footage, right?

Unexpected Margo Martindale! Yay! (Ruth Eastman is a character who is so much more effective on Fight than she was on Wife and I’m quite glad they’ve had her appear on Fight several times. It kind of redeems season seven. Kind of.)

I don’t think the writers intentionally chose for Adrian’s book deal to be with Simon & Schuster because it is the most politically fraught publisher (the number of stories about controversial memoirs they’ve picked up in 2021 alone...) but I kind of like that Adrian’s Road Not Taken involves S&S. My guess is they chose S&S because it is owned by ViacomCBS.

“Years ago, I wanted to create a law firm run entirely by women, but it never worked out. So, why not now?” Diane says to Liz. One of the advantages of having twelve (!!!) seasons of Diane Lockhart is that we’ve seen what she’s talking about. And we’ve seen her put this idea forward multiple times, too. I have my reservations about Diane’s brand of feminism, and I’ll say more about how fraught a Diane/Liz firm would be as the show explores the potential issues there, but on the surface I’m kind of excited about the prospect of a Diane/Liz led firm. Diane has wanted this for ages, Liz is a good partner, and this actually makes sense (unlike the nonsensical Diane/Alicia alliance of late season seven, where the only rationale was “well, Alicia needs to betray Diane in the finale, but they’re not on good terms. So maybe we make them business partners so then the betrayal stings more?”). Plus I fully love that Diane would end up running a firm with Alicia’s law school rival.

(Has TGF mentioned that Liz and Alicia were law school rivals? No. Am I still clinging on to that as a large part of Liz’s character? ABSOLUTELY.)

Julius is on trial for Memo 618 reasons; Diane is defending him. So this is still happening. (There’s more old footage here.)

Do they put these references to one/two party consent in these episodes as a wink at the fans? It has to be intentional. (Please do not ask me what the actual law is on this, this show has thoroughly confused me.)

I knew Cush was filming stuff for TGF, but I didn’t know it was for the premiere. She was just posting about it a few weeks ago, so either they shot a lot of it right before air or she posted a while after filming. Anyway, yay Lucca!

Bianca’s still around. And, TGF gets to shoot New York for New York, since Bianca is there. I do wish TGF could do more location shoots; there’s something about seeing an actual skyline that feels more real.

Bianca wants Lucca, who has never been outside of the country (except to St. Lucia, as Bianca reminds her) to go to London and buy her a resort. It’s supposed to be a three week stay and Bianca’s already arranged childcare. Speaking of children, because of COVID and filming constraints, that’s Cush’s real kid in this scene! You can’t really see him, but I recognized his curly hair from Cush’s Instagram, and the Kings confirmed in an interview.

Adrian wants to write a book about police brutality cases he’s worked on. Ruth very much does not want him to write that book. She wants him to write a book without substance about how white people and black people can work together. He, understandably, has no interest in writing this book. (Also, you can see in the background that Ruth doesn’t think Biden’s odds of winning the Democratic primary are good—there is a big down arrow next to his picture, which definitely dates this scene.)

Oh, David Lee is in this episode. He acts like an asshole towards Marissa when she’s trying to help him.

Marissa, not happy with the lack of respect, calls Lucca for advice “for a friend.” Lucca mentions she’s in London and Marissa does not believe her and keeps going on and on about her frustrations and her new desire to become a lawyer—quickly.

Marissa wanting to become a lawyer because she “hates being talked down to” is not a plot I would’ve expected but it’s also one that makes a lot of sense. I think Marissa’s used to being respected and praised even when she’s doing things that aren’t glamorous, so I see how she’d get very restless when she’s no longer outperforming expectations and is instead taken for granted.

Bells toll in the background on Lucca’s side and Marissa asks where she is. Lucca again notes she’s in London and Marissa still doesn’t believe her.

I’m going to miss Lucca so much, especially since we’ll also be losing a lot of the Millennial Friendship scenes with her. Cush is fantastic (even if she never really got enough to do here) and she plays so well off of the rest of the cast. I even sometimes liked the writing for Maia (who?) when she had scenes with Lucca, Lucca is that good.

Jay wakes up sweating and unable to breathe, so he deliriously calls his father-figure Adrian. This whole scene is shot like something out of Evil and (I’m getting ahead of myself here) this plot is the only thing about this episode I felt was a misstep.

“I think you’re my father,” Jay says to Adrian. Heh, I didn’t catch this line the first time around (maybe subliminally I did, since I just called Adrian his father figure lol) but I love that it is included here. Adrian and Jay’s relationship definitely deserves a goodbye.

Adrian calls an ambulance and also gets to Jay before the ambulance somehow. Adrian notes that Jay might have “this thing from China” and... we’re doing the pandemic, y’all. (Minor nitpick: on March 13th, 2020, when this scene is dated, COVID was not “this thing from China”-- we were all aware of it. March 11th was the day Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson announced they’d tested positive and the NBA shut down and travel was restricted and every single brand that had my email sent me a message about their plans and measures. March 12th was the last time I was in my office, and we’d been getting emails telling us to wash our hands and prepare to work remotely for weeks. I went to San Francisco in mid-late February and distinctly remember deciding to leave a burrito unattended on a table while I washed my hands because I was paranoid about COVID... and then I remember making a specific trip to Walgreens to buy hand sanitizer so that didn’t happen again. My point is, Adrian lives in the same world I do. On March 13th 2020, he would not be treating COVID like it was some new thing he’d vaguely heard of.)

(I am going to nitpick this timeline, but please know that I’m only doing it because I can, not because I think it’s necessarily a bad choice. Lines like this do feel a little forced, but I see the reason for introducing COVID as something new rather than going for the line that’s exactly historically accurate. I also am pretty sure there are references to dates in March/April in s4 of TGF that are now going to be contradicted by this episode, but I truly do not care. The writers get a pass on this one.)

We skip slightly back in time to the beginning of March after the MARCH 13TH title card, or maybe this is supposed to be after March 13th and my own memories are preventing me from believing these face-to-face interactions were happening. Who knows.

Michael Bloomberg is... here, again, I guess? He asks Diane to assist with a Supreme Court case about gun control. I guess it does add some weight to the plot and make the stakes feel higher.

Oh hey, this case is the 7x17 case!!!! Love that continuity.

Diane and Adrian are both at the office late, working, and there is an unnecessary split screen that feels even more unnecessary when you consider that the editing alone was enough to create the parallel.

Diane and Adrian have a nice convo (which I’ll really miss, their dynamic is great and this really feels like a successful partnership) as they wait for the elevator. When the elevator dings, they nearly tumble down into nothingness because... the elevator never came. Apparently this is a reference to an law old show I’ve never seen that killed off a character this way, and it’s meant to be a wink at how they are not going to kill off Adrian.

I do not know why I remember this, but I do: after they killed off Will, a critic (Noel Murray; I just googled to confirm my memory) who didn’t want to spoil things tweeted, “Exactly 23 years and 2 days ago, Rosalind Shays fell down an elevator shaft.” Please tell me why I remember this reference that I didn’t even understand well enough to have tracked down the original tweet in under a minute. (https://twitter.com/NoelMu/status/447942456827326464)

Back on this show, Diane and Adrian share a drink and talk about their wishes. Diane wants to argue in front of the Supreme Court, and Adrian encourages her to speak up. His own near-death experience motivates him to trash the book Ruth has him writing, and Diane trashes the (bad) legal strategy someone else prepared for the Supreme Court.

DIANE IS WEARING JEANS!!!!!! Tbh, I think my favorite part of this episode is how many slice-of-life scenes and settings we get. These are always my favorite moments. I love the satirical and political stuff too, but the character moments are what get me invested enough to write these. (Yes, Diane in jeans constitutes a character moment.)

Diane tells Bloomberg she wants to be involved and advocates for herself. Kurt gets a call on their landline (hahaha) from Adrian.

God, I love Diane and Kurt. Not only is their banter fun, you can just see a different, more relaxed side of Diane in these scenes. Diane tells Kurt she has good news for herself, but bad news for him since she’s arguing for gun control. She asks him to help her prep for court, too.

So this is before Jay is rushed to the hospital, because now we are back at the hospital with Julius, Diane, and Marissa. I do not believe any of these people would be setting foot in a hospital like it’s any other day on March 13th, 2020. But I'm trying not to nitpick.

I get why they chose to give Jay a rather severe case of COVID. I just don’t get literally anything else that follows from the initial shock of Jay having COVID.

I see why the writers chose March 20th (the actual Illinois stay at home order) as the next date for this timeline. I still do not believe that people were in this particular office on that date.

You know what else I don’t believe? That RBL just shut down for two weeks and was like, no work is being done. Did law firms really do this? I can believe it if it’s an excuse to cost-cut, and I know there were massive layoffs, but this seems... really weird???

Why are they setting up a teleconferencing infrastructure (didn’t they have one at LG? In season five?) if they are not planning to do work?

Lol Diane explains what Zoom is, very slowly. She asks everyone to “download a program called Zoom.com” which is one of the first Zoom jokes I’ve chuckled at in a while.

Marissa is not happy to hear that there’s no work for her in a work-remote world (this I believe 100%), so she calls Lucca again with more questions about law school.

Love these NYC and London location shots. Wish they could do that for Chicago.

Lucca asks Bianca to help get Marissa into a law school, fast, and Bianca tells Lucca to use her name... then offers her a job.

Marissa is at the office, alone, boxing up her things, when one of the office phones rings with some dude offering her a spot in a law school class. I guess we are really all-in on this! (Why would Lucca have given a firm phone number not specific to Marissa, though?)

Adrian and his corrupt girlfriend decide to shelter in place together. I still do not understand why he is okay with her being corrupt. I also don’t really understand why they’re going from talking about sheltering-in-place to George Floyd. How did we just skip from late March to late May? Are Adrian and corrupt gf having a conversation about sheltering-in-place two months into sheltering in place?

Okay, I am not doing so good at this no-nitpicking thing. Again, I understand why they need to merge several scenes into one to keep things moving. And I guess they could just be getting around to this conversation.

I’m going to nitpick again, I can’t help myself. How did we just go from a scene of Adrian specifically talking about sheltering in place to a scene of Adrian bursting into a bustling and maskless DNC headquarters room? How!? The only masks in this scene are on TV!! There are like ten people in this scene!

Anyway, more importantly, Adrian tells Ruth off and screams at her that she needs to listen to him instead of acting like she knows the way forward. He is completely right.

Why is travel from London closing down in May 2020? Is it because this scene is supposed to be at a different place in the episode? Liz is asking Lucca to come back home from her three week stay in London (which has now lasted three months but travel is just now closing down), and Lucca’s hesitant to come home.

This is all happening via Zoom, btw. Lucca’s in her hotel, Diane and Adrian are at their respective homes, and Liz is in the office. All of this feels right. There is a chat off to the side of the screen where you can see Adrian and the others discussing how to unmute on Zoom. Very real. Though probably not very real in late May 2020. Feels more like April. I am convinced this scene got spliced in later to help the episode flow because everything in this scene (except the TV footage that definitely was added later) feels like it should be happening in the March section.

Lucca mentions that Bianca offered her a job, and at this point we as viewers know how things are going to go—Lucca's going to end up taking it. Liz types in the Zoom chat that they don’t want to lose Lucca. When Lucca tells them how much Bianca’s offering ($500k/year, go Lucca!), Diane types “Shit.” into the chat. “Shit’s right,” Liz replies. “Yes... What should our counter be?” Diane replies. Lucca is kind enough to point out the messages are not private (again, this feels like March not May) but I think knowing that their reaction to topping $500k is “shit” tells her all she needs to know.

Diane’s background still says that RBL is a division of STR Laurie. Weird how little we are hearing about the overlords except the 20% staff cut.

Liz and Adrian chat and decide the only way to keep Lucca is to make her a partner. Which, yeah, if you’d just made her a partner years ago when you told her she was in the running for partner and then offered it to fucking MAIA, maybe she wouldn’t be considering Bianca’s offer. Lucca is definitely one of RBL’s stars, and I don’t think she’s wrong to feel like they don’t value her enough. They treat her well enough to be upset about losing her, but not well enough to have already made her partner and not well enough to actually give her authority (even though she runs a whole department). I’d be pretty unhappy too. It kind of feels sometimes like they take her for granted, and I don’t know that Lucca is one to feel like she owes a company anything. She’s more of an “I’m out for myself” type.

Madeline and the other partner we’ve seen a few times who isn’t Liz/Diane/Adrian, walk into the office (wearing masks! Which they take off as soon as they enter a room with Liz! Without asking her if she is okay with this! TV logic!) and ask who is replacing Adrian. They think this is a good time to reevaluate having a white name partner of an African American firm, and they are spot on. Liz tries to deflect, noting that Diane is already a name partner and was before Liz even joined, but Madeline and other partner (whose name I really wish they would say so I can stop calling him “other partner”) won’t let up. Their position is that Diane shouldn’t have been made a name partner then—all she did was bring in ChumHum, an account that quickly left the firm. Good point.

“What is this firm if it’s not African American? It’s just another midsized all-service Midwestern law firm, one of 50,” Madeline argues. The other partner says Liz needs to remove Diane and promote two African Americans to name partner. Liz laughs and asks if they mean themselves. Madeline does not—she's concerned about the number of black associates they’re letting go. Liz heads out, but this conversation is very much ongoing.

And I think it’s a very interesting dilemma! There’s a lot of mileage the writers can get out of this, because I don’t think there’s a right answer or a wrong one. It’s all about what Liz decides she wants the future of the firm to be. If Liz chooses Diane, she might be choosing something that works for her personally or that she thinks is a safer financial bet—but she’ll be choosing to work at a firm that can no longer be thought of as a black firm, and she’ll be choosing to move away from her father’s vision for the firm. And since the plot hinges on what Liz will decide rather than what’s objectively the right path forward, there’s a lot of interesting tension there I can’t wait to see.

(My favorite thing about Adrian leaving is that Liz will likely get more to do, especially when it comes to managing the firm. Adrian tends to speak up first, but Liz is more than capable of managing without him and I’m so excited to see what she does when her ex-husband isn’t constantly talking over her.)

Marissa and Lucca video chat with Jay. He’s still in the hospital. One thing that bugs me about how this episode handles COVID is that I never really get the sense that any of the characters are particularly afraid of the virus. Maybe none of them were. But you’d think you’d see a little of that fear, the weird dance of trying to assess others’ comfort levels with masking, etc., in an ep specifically about living through this time. ESPECIALLY since someone they all know and are close to has been hospitalized for MONTHS with this thing! It’s just so weird to go from a scene where people wear masks until they come in contact with other people (when masks matter the most) to a scene of someone in the hospital with COVID.

And now Jay’s weird hallucinations start as his battery dies on the video chat. I really, truly, hated these hallucinations. I was ready to be done with these from the second they started. They’re weirdly shot, they go on for too long, and they feel like the clunkiest parts of Mind’s Eye when Alicia starts having a debate in her mind about atheism mixed with the (far superior) hospital episode of Evil.

I don’t have much to say about these hallucinations except that I hated them a lot. When there’s the reveal that Jay is hallucinating a commerical, I almost came around on the hallucinations because that’s kind of funny and inspired. And then several more hallucinations popped up and they had a round table and Jesus got added to the mix and I was like, nope, this is bad in a very uninteresting way. I reject this.

I feel like the Kings didn’t have much to say about COVID, the actual virus. This episode is definitely more about what the characters’ lives were like during COVID and not the pandemic itself. I think they likely got a lot of their COVID commentary out of their system with their zombie COVID show The Bite (I have not seen The Bite due to it airing on Spectrum On Demand, which I have no way of accessing. Like, I would have to move and then decide to pay for cable in order to watch it.) I also suspect a lot of their commentary on COVID isn’t going to be specific to the virus and is instead going to be about things like mask-wearing and vaccinations becoming political. And, really, that’s just a new variation on talking about polarization... and they’ve been talking about polarization for years.

In fact, they even wrote a whole series about an outbreak of a (space-bug-spread) virus that caused political polarization before Trump was even elected. BrainDead is basically commentary on the pandemic before the pandemic even happened. Soooooo I get why they are more interested in recapping 2020 than in doing a Very Special Episode about themes they’ve been talking about for years. (I still think they would’ve benefitted from at least one character being afraid of getting sick or getting their family sick.)

There is likely some interesting content in these Jay hallucinations. I hate them so much I cannot find it. You know when you’re just on a completely different wavelength than the writers? This is an example of that.

Also I’m not a fan of the shadowy directing. I think this is meant to look cooler than it does.

Have I mentioned yet that I absolutely love the “Previously On” device for this episode? It’s such a fun, propulsive way to get through the slog of 2020. Scenes can be short and to the point, and each scene has to do a lot of lifting to fill in the gaps. I think that leads to scenes that are better constructed and telling on lots of levels—where are people when they’re quarantined? Who’s wearing casual clothes and when? What about this scene defines this character’s life at that moment in time?

Bizarrely, even though this episode is pretty much all plot (this happens! Then that!), I actually found this to be one of the most character-driven episodes TGF has ever done. There’s a lot of story, but most of that story is about how the characters reacted to 2020 rather than overarching plots that will weigh on the rest of the season. This episode covers a lot of ground, but it does it with character moments that resonate.

Now it’s July and Diane’s prepping to argue in front of the Supreme Court. Kurt’s helping her witness prep and it gets a little personal... and that ends up turning Diane on. Good to see McHart hasn’t lost its spark. (Remember how Kurt cheated on Diane in season 7 of Wife? No, me neither, because that never happened.)

Corrupt judge is back. Adrian playfully tries to distract her from work. Then he takes a video call from Liz, who updates him on the conversation she had with John (so that’s his name) and Madeline. I guess that part of May was close to July? Anyway, Adrian isn’t surprised to hear that people are upset at the prospect of Diane being one of two name partners.

Liz is at the office in workout clothes and I love it!

They’re losing 15 black associates (and Adrian and Lucca) and 4 white ones, Liz says. This sounds like a very big problem. (I’d be curious to know what that is as a percentage of the firm and how the racial composition shifts.)

Liz knows it’s not exactly up to her if Diane stays on as name partner (the other partners get a vote, but I think Liz knows she has a lot of sway here). She’s also wondering if Biden could win, and if so, would it be to the firm’s advantage to be black-owned? Interesting.

“Well. If you’re thinking it, then Diane’s thinking it, too,” Adrian says. He’s right. “White guilt. It runs verrrrry deep on that one, huh?” Ha. He is right about that, too. I actually can’t decide which of these interpretations is correct, because it could be either even though they seem contradictory. (1) Is Adrian saying it with a hint of mockery because he knows Diane will fight for her partnership even as she would say she’s a huge supporter of black businesses? (2) Is he saying it because he knows Diane would have enough white guilt to realize what her presence as a partner means and think through the implications? I think it is, somehow, a combination. I’m interested in this line because this whole dilemma (from Diane’s POV) is something that’s very familiar. Diane’s always been an idealist who will betray her ideals for personal gain. That sounds like an attack, but I mean that as neutrally as I possibly can. There are so many examples of this that this is kind of just a character trait of hers at this point. Usually those ideals are about feminism, but this situation seems closely related.

Adrian overhears Corrupt GF talking about Julius, Diane, and Memo 618. You would think she would wait to have this conversation until there is no chance of Adrian overhearing, because if Adrian overhears, he might...

... do exactly what he proceeds to do and hop into a car with Diane to give her a heads up. (I think I’m just going to have to accept that the mask usage rule on this episode is “we use masks to show that the characters would wear them, but we don’t want to have scenes where characters are fully masked because that’s annoying.” If that’s not the rule, then why else would Adrian be masked outside... and then take off his mask as soon as he gets into a confined indoor space with Diane?

Baranski looks ESPECIALLY like Taylor Swift in this scene.

Adrian tells Diane what he knows. He dug deeper after overhearing Charlotte, so he has even more info. “If you tell me, I will use it,” Diane warns. Adrian knows that, so he takes a moment to decide. And he decides that he cares more about Diane and Julius than about his relationship with a corrupt judge.

Diane and Julius are masked in court. Visitor and the judge are not. They use masking in a clever way in this scene: Diane uses being masked to her advantage because it means no one can possibly read her lips, so she can use the info Adrian fed her against Charlotte without any fear of spies. Charlotte, who is unmasked, guards her lips with a folder, as the Visitor watches interestedly.

Diane convinces Charlotte to recuse herself. Charlotte says she’s making a mistake; Diane does not care.

The new judge is, unfortunately, the idiot who doesn’t know anything about the law. Uh oh.

Charlotte decides she’s done sheltering in place with Adrian. He tries to talk through the conflict, but Charlotte says “You made your choice, Adrian. Julius Cain over me.”

“The choice was about right and wrong, Charlotte,” Adrian tries to explain. I mean, yeah, but if you’re dating a judge who has admitted she’s totally corrupt, didn’t right and wrong go out the window a while ago?

Adrian seems to think the other people involved in the events are bad and Charlotte is good. I am not convinced. I don’t think she’s the big bad, but I don’t think she’s good.

Charlotte points out that he invaded her privacy. She is right about that. “You said the choice was between right and wrong. Turning over my emails was the choice,” she said. I get her POV. But also, she is corrupt.

I do not like the way the part of the scene where Adrian physically restrains Charlotte to keep her from leaving is shot. I don’t think this is an abusive scene but I think it should’ve been shot from a little farther back so we could see it’s more like Adrian reaching out in desperation than trying to choke Charlotte. Because it very much looks like he is trying to choke Charlotte.

He tells Charlotte he loves her. She says it’s too late and leaves. “Maybe you won’t be with me. But you keep down this path... you’ll be done, I’m telling you, you’ll be done.”

I think something that I’ve been missing in these interactions is that I didn’t quite realize until this scene that the Adrian/Charlotte dynamic is more interesting than Adrian liking a corrupt judge. I think he truly believes Charlotte is a good person who got caught up in some bad stuff, and that she can bounce back from it. I’ve always seen Charlotte as someone who is corrupt for herself and then ended up going along with the corruption of others, too, so I’ve dismissed her and the relationship. This is the first scene that has felt real to me, and the first scene where she’s felt like more than a caricature. Kind of sad it’s the last she’ll get with Adrian—now I’m actually starting to find her interesting. Notice how in these last few sentences I’ve used her name instead of “Corrupt GF”!

Charlotte says she loved Adrian too, but that’s not enough. Awww.

He can’t really be surprised though, can he?

Now it is August and we get to see Diane and Liz react to the announcement of Kamala Harris as Biden’s VP pick, and I would like to thank the writers for giving me the opportunity to see Diane and Liz react to this. It’s kind of fan-service, but it’s also a nice tie-in to the girl-power theme of the Diane/Liz alliance.

Diane and Liz realize that Adrian’s probably not a good candidate for 2024 if the DNC only wants one black candidate and Harris is the clear front-runner. Liz suggests keeping him on as partner instead, in a way that very much implies this would be her ideal solution. Diane, being Diane, says she was liking the idea of an all-female firm. Liz hesitantly says she was too, and Diane senses the hesitation.

“Let’s look again at which associates to fire. I’m worried we’re losing too many African Americans,” Diane switches the subject. How have they still not made this decision? If any employees know downsizing is coming, and they’ve had months to act on it, assuming there are jobs elsewhere, people would’ve been jumping ship by now.

But that’s not the point of this scene. The point of this scene is that Liz corrects Diane: “Black. You can just say Black people.” Very nice moment underlining the tension. Diane means well, but she’s still acting like a white lady who doesn’t know how to act around black people... and she wants to (and, I guess, already does) run a black firm. Major yikes.

Marissa and Lucca are talking again. Marissa does not want to be in law school—she just wants to be a lawyer. Lucca won’t accept Marissa’s refusal to memorize meaningless rules: “Marissa. I know that you know how to play the game, but you have to pass the bar to get into a position to play the game.” Why does this line make me love Lucca? This line isn’t even anything amazing. It’s just a line that cuts through the bullshit and makes a good point.

Marissa keeps going, insulting all of her peers and teachers, and Lucca figures out how to cut through that, too: she tells Marissa that she’d hire her as a lawyer if she killed someone, but only if Marissa passes the bar. Marissa is instantly intrigued.

“Why are you leaving here? I’ll miss you,” Marissa says.

“Because they won’t pay me what I deserve,” Lucca says in a matter-of-fact tone. “Anyway, I thought they fired you.”

“But they didn’t mean it. It’s like the smoothie place—they kept trying to fire me and I just kept showing up,” Marissa replies. That checks out. (Love the callback!)

Lucca tries to get Marissa to come over to England. Marissa shuts that down as Lucca gets a news alert—and it’s not good news.

Our next date is September 18th, 2020 and I will get my nitpicks out of the way up front! I don’t really know why it is daytime for Lucca when she reads the news, considering it was already the evening in the States when the RBG news broke. And, also, it was Rosh Hashanah, so Marissa probably would not have been sitting in her bedroom studying... she most likely would’ve been with family or friends. OK I’M DONE. FOR NOW.

Diane is getting ready for her arguments in front of the Supreme Court. It’s almost time! She’s in casual clothes but has on a wonderful mask. She’s standing in front of Kurt’s guns to make a point (love that she’s using her video call background to her advantage) and there are several people in her bedroom getting the tech all set up. I have noted before that they only built one set for Diane’s apartment, and it’s just a massive bedroom. Diane choosing to be in front of the guns does a nice job of cutting off my question about why she’d be arguing in front of the Supreme Court from her bedroom rather than the home office she absolutely would have.

Kurt walks in and tries to shake hands... he’s clearly not very COVID paranoid, and Diane seems to be, and... that’s something I might have wanted to see? How was Diane okay with Kurt taking risks that also affected her?

Diane confirms she intentionally chose to stand in front of the guns. That’s when Kurt gets the push notification. He pulls Diane into the bathroom to show her the news. He hands her his phone and Diane’s face falls. She starts tearing up. “2020 just won’t let go,” she says, speaking for us all.

Normally I hate things that are like, we’re going to contrive this so the news hits at the worst possible moment! This works for me, because the Supreme Court plot for Diane feels more like something that exists to be a through line for the episode. It would also be a little hard to work in RBG’s death as a main plot point—and it is definitely important enough to be a main plotpoint—if it didn’t also affect something in the world of the show.

Also, another reason I like this contrivance is that it makes it all the more powerful when Diane says, “It’s over. He gets to nominate someone. Another Kavanaugh! We’ll have a conservative court for the next 20 years. My whole fucking life!” She’s not thinking about how this affects her case (and that case is basically a life-long dream for her). She is thinking about way bigger things, and knowing that her mind goes to the bigger things before the personal with news like this really underlines how big of a deal RBG’s death was.

Diane tells Kurt, “I don’t deserve you. You don’t agree with me.” “I can still feel bad for you,” he responds. He holds her while she cries.

Jay’s hallucination thing is back. Now Karl Marx is here. So is Jesus. I’m so done with this. It’s nice to get a break from writing.

Malcolm X is also on the roundtable and now they’re talking over each other in that way that everyone on this show always does. (RK gave an interview about Evil where he said he likes having the children on that show talk over each other because he grew up in a household like that. I did not need to read that interview to understand that RK likes scenes where people talk over each other.)

If anything happened in those hallucinations, I missed it, because I didn’t pause the episode. Because I do not care about the hallucinations. Because I hate them.

Now it’s November 2020... Diane’s watching election results and rocking back and forth. She tells Kurt he can go watch Fox News in the other room (so they do have more than one room!). He says he’s fine—he thinks Diane needs it more.

“Yes, but Kurt, if you stay, I know this isn’t sensible, but... Trump seems to get more votes whenever you’re sitting on this couch,” Diane tells him. Ha, I relate to this kind of superstition so hard. “Are you serious?” Kurt says. “I am so deathly serious,” Diane responds. “Whenever you’re sitting here, Arizona goes for Trump. Humor me, please. Just go in the other room.”

When Kurt tries to kiss her, she pulls away: “No, no, no. No kiss. If you kiss me, we’ll lose Georgia.” This scene feels so, so real and perfectly captures what it was like (at least for me, though I don’t have a Republican husband or anything) watching election results come in.

“Uh, if you lose, we’ll be fine, right?” Kurt asks. “Kurt, let me just say this. I’m only saying that we won’t be fine so that the universe will grant me a win,” Diane responds. This scene is so fun and so good! It simultaneously captures a relatable mood, adds some levity, gives us a window into Diane’s life, and shows some of the tensions in her marriage?! I want this all the time!

Kurt leaves the room. Diane pours more wine.

Later, with Diane still rocking back and forth with anxiety (just you wait for the several more days this will drag on!), Kurt brings in the champagne. “That was for when Hillary won. I can only drink it if Biden wins,” Diane protests. Did I also refuse to drink any celebratory alcohol until things were absolutely certain? No comment.

“It’s odd you progressives resisted religion. You seem to have a hundred religions to take its place,” Kurt says, speaking on behalf of the writers’ room. (This joke doesn’t get written if the writers don’t believe this and probably even see it in themselves.)

“Go away, Trump. I mean Kurt,” she shoos him away. Have I mentioned yet I love this scene?

“Love me even if you lose?” he jokes (though I do wonder if this isn’t that joking? I think it is, but he keeps saying it!) as Diane gestures at him to get out.

I could do without the joke about Diane’s heart on the TV for a couple reasons. One, it goes on too long. Two, I was very worried something would actually happen to Diane. You’d think that would make the scene feel more tense, but it does not, because it takes me out of the moment.

“Ok, God. You know I don’t believe in you. But I will believe in you if Joe Biden wins. I’m sorry. I know that that’s not what Jesus taught. There’s nothing in the New Testament that says, ‘Believe in me, and I’ll make sure your candidate wins,’ but I need Joe Biden to win. I’m sorry, God, but I just do. I need some faith.” This is a little much but... yeah. Also, is this the first time Diane’s flat out said she’s an atheist? I think it is, though I’ve assumed as much for quite a while.

The next day in court, masks are no longer required if you’re a series regular and votes are still being counted. I remember those days. Marissa thought Diane was checking in on Jay... Diane was not. She was checking on vote counts.

Apparently Jay’s finally being released from the hospital!

Bad news for Julius—the idiot judge finds him guilty of some nonsense charge and sentences him to seven years in prison.

Diane says not to worry, and Julius asks “Why not?” Good point.

Then we have election results! We skip, specifically, to December 14th and the electoral college vote. I’m a little sad we skipped over the huge party that was November 7th, but I get why they’d rather keep things moving along. I think showing November 7th in an uncomplicated way would’ve just been too close to fanservice. But, man, what a day.

Diane, in a red hoodie with leopard print that she somehow manages to still look classy in, is ready to pop champagne. Then she hears that on January 6th, a joint session of Congress will count the electoral votes and there might be a debate. “Nope. If I open it now, something bad will happen,” she reasons. “I’ve waited four years. I can wait another few weeks.”

It’s been almost a year and they’re still somehow negotiating with Lucca, but I understand why they’d space this out across the episode. Otherwise we’d have to say goodbye to Lucca in the first like, 15 mins of the episode and all those scenes would be in a row. I can forgive (and still nitpick) choices like this when the reasoning behind them seems sound.

Adrian says they don’t want to lose Lucca. He, Liz, and Diane are all in the conference room, and they ask Lucca for a yes or no on their latest offer by the end of the call. Diane offers Lucca partner—she'll be the youngest partner in the firm’s history—and she’ll get a $500,000/year salary. Adrian tries to sell her on being part of American history by being part of the firm.

“We are a black firm, Lucca, and we need you,” Liz says with a lot of passion for someone who knows she might very well partner with Diane. Diane looks at Liz with a bit of suspicion at this, wondering if Liz is showing her cards.

Lucca manages to make the wifi malfunction (or she gets very lucky) and uses the disconnection to call Bianca for a counteroffer, even though they said they needed a yes or no on the spot.

“They used George Floyd because they want you for less. They have never appreciated you as much as I do. All those scars, all that time being taken for granted and undervalued has made you a fighter. It’s made you someone I now want,” Bianca tells Lucca. She gives Lucca a counter offer of $1.3 million and the title of CFO. Lucca takes it. Is there really another choice? (If she were concerned about loyalty to the firm and the partnership was what she wanted, she probably would've just taken it.)

(Also, the partners can’t really act like Lucca is making history by being the youngest partner ever when they passed her over for partner two years earlier and offered it to Maia! To MAIA! Who had like three years of work experience! And yes I was fine with Alicia and Cary getting partnership offers with four years but, one, that was a scam, and two, Alicia and Cary actually worked. Oh, I see I still hate Maia with a passion. Back to THIS season...)

Lucca apologetically informs Marissa she’s leaving and the offer was just too good to turn down. I believe it. I also believe Lucca wants that job more. What has loyalty to RBL gotten her? She's someone so talented and good at her job that she just gets job offers from acquaintances all the time (starting with Alicia!). RBL appreciates her, but just enough to appease her while still undervaluing her. I don’t know that I would’ve believed a plot where Lucca actively job hunts, but I definitely believe this.

“Marissa, we don’t have to work together to be friends,” Lucca tells Marissa. I’m going to miss this so much. Why is this the best material Lucca’s gotten in ages?! I think one of the things that makes Lucca such a great character is that you can see why everyone instantly wants her on their team. She’s a fantastic friend (without giving too much of herself), she’s not a pushover, and she is incredibly sharp and able to get to the heart of any situation. I love her and I’m sad we won’t get to see more of her.

(On that bit about friendship—I can’t write about Lucca’s departure without writing about the moment I realized just how great of a character Lucca was. It was in 7x13, when Alicia has her breakdown that’s seven seasons in the making... and Lucca supports her. But the writing, and Cush’s performance, never make it feel like Lucca exists to be a part of Alicia’s story. Lucca seems like her own fully formed person who happens to be supporting Alicia at this moment. I don’t think I can overstate how tough of a task it is to get me to care about the other person in a pivotal Alicia scene, especially when that other person was added to the cast in the final season and many suspected she’d just be a replacement for a different beloved character! Anyway, Lucca’s been great for years, and I’ll miss her.)

Just when I thought I couldn’t hate the hallucinations more, we get a hint that they are going to continue: Jay sees one right after he learns that Marissa’s used her quarantine to start law school and he’s done nothing.

Jay says he carries a gun now and it’s “performative.” I have no idea what that means and Marissa and Lucca don’t seem to, either.

Another thing I like about Lucca’s final scene is that it isn’t rushed. We have time for all that, and also for Lucca to tell Marissa about the time she stole her breakfast sandwich, and for Marissa to react to it, and for Marissa to find Lucca’s Birkin bag, and for Lucca to tell Marissa to keep it, and for Marissa to react to that, and for Lucca to sappily say “think of me when you use it,” and for Marissa to nonsensically reply, “you think of me when I use it,” and there’s still a little bit more of the scene after that!

Marissa’s silly line makes Lucca tear up. “God, I’m gonna miss you guys,” she says. “I’m gonna miss this. You make me smile. I didn’t smile much before you guys.” Awwwwwww. This is also so true to character! Her friendship with Alicia aside, Lucca’s definitely said before she’s not one to have friends (which is hilarious because she is, as I've said like 100 times, a fantastic friend and also just like, the coolest person??? Who wouldn’t want to be HER friend?!).

She says she has to go because she’s getting too emotional and says goodbye. She’s also super sappy and when Marissa says, “you were the best,” she responds that they were the best TOGETHER! Awwwwwww.

What a nice, fitting goodbye for Lucca. There’s no bad blood or fireworks—she just makes a change like a lot of people do. I’d like to think she’ll still be friends with Marissa and Jay after this. I don’t want too many Lucca references in future episodes, but I would really like it if we see Marissa and Jay update each other on the latest from Lucca, or if a scene begins with Marissa closing out an Instagram post from Lucca of her kid, or something. I wouldn’t want clues about what Lucca’s up to, but I’d love to see that she’s still a part of Marissa and Jay’s lives.

Now it is January 6th. Liz, Adrian, and Diane sit on the floor of the mostly empty office, watching TV coverage and drinking. It’s so relaxed it’s almost surreal, and it, like many other moments in this episode, feels like a slice of life. Everyone’s dressed casually and no one is worried about appearances or looking like the boss.

“God, have you ever seen anything like it. It’s so fucked,” Diane says. Adrian’s more optimistic—the courts rejected most of the challenges to election results! “System worked,” he says. “Yay.” Liz says in response. She’s not as optimistic as he is.

“Liz. Liz. Sometimes when things work out, there is no parade. There’s no congratulations, but I’ll tell you this: We live to fight another day,” he explains to her even though she makes a good point that a system just barely hanging on doesn’t bode well for the future. (She doesn’t say all this, but that’s a very loaded, “Yay.”)

“Yeah? Then why are you leaving the law?” Liz asks. Diane seconds to the question.

Adrian announces he’s still retiring—and he’s moving to Atlanta. He wants to go to the south to help “create and consolidate political power.” He’s excited to start over and inspired by Georgia going blue. This is a very nice exit for Adrian. I fully believe that he’s interested in political organizing, that he’d be good at it, and that he’s ready for a change. I don’t think he’s always the most progressive person (of the three in this scene, Liz is absolutely the most progressive one, though Diane probably thinks she is!), but I absolutely think he thinks of himself as an activist and I believe that if he’s going to step away from the law, he’d do so to make a move like this.

Adrian—and Lucca, but especially Adrian—probably both got better exits thanks to the events of 2020. If Adrian had just left to be groomed by the DNC, that would’ve been a predictable and boring ending for him. His candidacy would, obviously, go nowhere, and the whole thing felt weird from the minute it was introduced. But this? Adrian being energized—like so many others were—by the ways the world changed in 2020 and using his already announced departure from the firm and recent breakup as a chance to start over and make change? This is great!

Adrian asks Liz and Diane what’s next for them. Liz says that she thinks the Biden admin will be better for black businesses. Adrian asks if they’re replacing him, and Diane says, “I think the big question is, are you replacing me?” She’s smart. I like how this scene goes from friendly to tense very fast, with everyone kind of testing the waters. Adrian tries to force the conversation, Liz opens with something vague yet pointed, and Diane speaks what’s previously been unspoken.

Liz says it’s not her intention to push Diane out. “I can’t change the color of my skin,” Diane replies. “I know,” Liz laughs. Audra’s delivery is fantastic on that line.

“Hey, I’m gonna fight for my partnership,” Diane says. “I know,” Liz says. The tone of this scene is so different from previous partnership drama on these shows and I’m excited about it. This is just a bunch of adults talking about business decisions with each other and treating each other as equals?? It's not backstabbing?? Or drama?? No one is hiding things?? It’s refreshing and I hope this plot stays like this. We’ve done so much partnership drama that I think drama that stems from a real, pressing question that has no easy answers and isn’t anyone’s fault is going to be much more fruitful for the show.

Adrian heads out—ah, I see now this scene is set in his empty office and this is why they are on the floor—and gets a nice last moment with Diane. And then they give him a last moment with Liz, which I knew they would but was still glad to see.

Liz asks if he knows what he’s doing—he says he’s not sure.

Adrian asks if Liz knows where she stands regarding Diane. “It’s going to be interesting,” Liz says. I don’t think she’s decided what she’s going to do yet.

It wouldn’t be an Adrian and Liz scene if Adrian didn’t have some unsolicited advice. “Diane’s a terrific lawyer, but this firm belongs to you. Your dad built it. He did, Liz. Despite all his faults. You got to run this place the way you want. This is a black firm. And after today, the world needs black firms. You got me?” He tells Liz. He makes it seem like Liz gets the choice and then tells her what to do. She says, “I got it,” signaling she understood him but not that she necessarily agrees.

I cannot wait to see what Liz does next!!!!!!! About this but just in general!!!!! Without Adrian there giving her constant advice I feel like she can grow so much and the show will have to give her more to do!!! I think Adrian, for all his many wonderful qualities and all he brought to the show, can suck all the air out of a room with his charisma, and Liz usually ends up suffering as a result. She’s such a capable lawyer in her own right, but Adrian has a way of making it always seem like he’s right—even in arguments she wins. I’m excited to see Liz lead (or stumble at leadership; she is fairly new to management) without Adrian’s direct influence.

Liz walks Adrian out and it’s cute. They run into Marissa and Jay. “Everybody fun is leaving,” Marissa notes. Liz is minorly offended, but playfully. Heh.

Adrian asks Jay how he’s doing; Jay says he’s a long-hauler but he’s doing okay. I like that they included that moment in Adrian’s goodbye sequence. It’s a very little thing, but it underlines that Adrian cares about Jay.

Then Liz interrupts to note that Trump pardoned a lot of convicted and corrupt Republican officials....... including Julius.

Everyone celebrates, but especially Diane and Marissa. Diane lets out her wonderful laugh and then we, finally, get to the credits. Because now that the previouslies are over, it’s time for the real show.

The credits are absolutely delightful, btw. I was a little worried some of the kittens would blow up, though! Once I relaxed and realized what they were up to—literal puppies and kittens because Biden won—I couldn’t get enough of these credits. They work so well because they accurately capture the way I (and all of these characters, except maybe Julius and Kurt) feel about the election results, but it’s so exaggerated that you know the kittens and puppies aren’t a realistic representation of our new reality. They’re just too good to be true, but you may as well enjoy them for a minute. I’m sure we’ll be back to exploding vases next week.

What a great episode! My timeline nitpicks and whatever they’re trying to do with Jay aside, I was blown away by how well the writers managed to move on from season 4, tie up loose ends, and write out two main characters. And they did it all while making me revisit the events of 2020, a year I don’t think many of us want to spend much time thinking about! This episode was enjoyable, fun, emotional, and clever. I don’t know what to expect from the rest of the season, but I’m definitely excited about the show in a way I haven’t really been in quite some time.

This season’s naming convention seems to be titles that end with ... and only have the first word capitalized. I want to see more.

Season FIVE? There have already been as many TGF seasons as there were TGW seasons prior to Hitting the Fan?! Time flies.

Please writers: No topical episodes this year-- no pee tape, no Melania divorce, no Epstein. None of that business.

Sorry if I repeated myself here. I never proofread these things, and I wrote half of this on Saturday and half of it today (Wednesday) and the days in between were an absolute blur so I cannot remember if I said the same things about this episode twice.

#the good fight #tgfthoughts

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moonlightchn · 4 years

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𝖂𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖋 𝕮𝖍𝖗𝖎𝖘 𝕽𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖘 🌗

He's fucked. Oh boy, does Chris know he's fucked. Chan's tense, worked up scent is filling the car; the way he grips onto the wheel, knuckles white for the strength applied is concerning, to say the least; even the speed he's driving at is unlike him. Chris knows that as soon as he dares open his mouth, the older boy will lash out at him. And, does he deserve it? Definitely. But does he want to hear it right now? Not really. Not like he has a choice, anyway.

See, Chan arrived about an hour later at the location, a really clean and well cared for neighborhood on the next town over. You know, trimmed grass, tall trees, heated sidewalks and porch lights. That kind. The kind that gave away just so much for him to know. And Chan knew where he was. And he hated being there. But you don't turn on your pack, that's the first rule he learned back in the day. You don't turn on your pack, so he doesn't turn on Chris. Ever. Not even when he deserves it. So there they were, two wolves on hunter territory. Wonderful, right? And Chris... He was just waiting on the sidewalk, ass on the floor and cigarette in hand, just casually sitting as if he wasn't surrounded by potential threats. As if he wasn't risking his life. Their lives.

"What happened." The blonde asks, eyes on the road as he focuses on staying on the right lane. The question is sudden, taking the black wolf by surprise. Chris certainly didn't expect Chan to talk first, or sound so calm. He clears his throat slightly, hand playing with his rings as he looks out the window, humming.

"I couldn't. I..." Sighing, Chris head lowers, what happened, uh? "They have families... They... They have families now. Kids, partners... I couldn't. Couldn't take from them what they took from me. Couldn't bring myself to" Couldn't? Or didn't want to? What was stopping him anyway, right? He was already there, came all the way. "I wouldn't have been able to. It didn'tfeel right. It was... Was not what I wanted... Y'know?" What would little Hannah and Lucas think of him if he had done it?

"Did they see you?" Its simple questions. Simple questions that he can't reply. Did they see him? Hell if he knows. Was he careful? As much as if wearing five maracas on his neck. Will they come after him? That was always a possibility anyway, wasn't it? The eldest sighs at the silence, head shaking and eyes not even looking for Chris once. "You worried a lot of people. Did not just put yourself on the line but everyone else too. Do you understand that? Could've gotten me killed for making me come here- Do not interrupt me." The black wolf looks away again, mouth closing and eyes focusing on the road. The blonde is right, anyway. What was he going to say? No?

"You keep doing the same bullshit, man. Over and over and over again. Do you not get it? Do you really not understand? Don't see how much we care for you? How much you mean? You think I would've come all the way here for you otherwise? You keep giving people hopes, you keep promising things, promising change, painting yourself a victim everyone has to love and understand and put up with and accept the way it is! That's not how it works, Christopher! You keep saying you're trying but you're not even doing the bare minimum!" The car stops abruptly, both boys bouncing slightly on their seats and Chan lays back a little, hands rubbing his face. He's frustrated, tired, mad. Worried. He is, overall, worried. And Chris can feel it. He can smell it. He can see it.

"I know. And I'm sorry. I know I haven't been the best... It's... It's just not easy. I want to be better but... What's the point? What do I have left? I keep thinking... I keep thinking maybe I should just go away. Disappear, y'know? Grab my stuff and let people move on, live their lives. I'm dead weight anyway, I just c-"

"Shut up!" Its not a scream, really. Not like the ones before, at least. This one is filled with pain, and hurt, and anger. The golden wolf shifts on his seat, hand reaching to grab onto the others face, forcing him to look him in the eyes. "You don't get to do this! You dont get to victimize yourself with me and pity yourself. How many times do I need to go over this with you? I did not, and I repeat, I did NOT take you in for you to give up. You are NOT giving up. Do you hear me? You don't get to turn your back on me, on Channie, on Changbin and Irene and Jongho and Felix and Chungha and everyone who ever dared to give at least a cent for you. You don't have the right to walk away." Chan lets go, the other wolf's head slightly turning at the force as his eyes wander down, anywhere else but the boy in front of him. "So pull yourself together and find a reason. A motive. Whatever the fuck you need. This bullshit of yours ends here."

Not a single word is spoken after that, the remaining of the ride being spent in silence, the quietness of the night and the awkward tensions sitting in the backseat the only company for the boys. At home, that's what Chan calls it, home, awaits Channie with three cups of tea. At a night club on the other side of the city awaits a concerned black haired woman. Close to the suburbs awaits a short boy a new mixtape. At a shelter downtown awaits a cheetah hybrid, on the carnival at the other end a freckled boy...

Pull himself together. That's what he needs to do. For them and himself. No more running, right? No more hiding. He doesn't need revenge, or violence. He doesn't need to hold onto his past. Pull himself together and let go.

It's not going to be easy, but what would he lose trying to get there?

Taggies uwu (ask for +/- -> general taglist)

❤@babie-chungha @blackdragons-cb @galaxy-ateez @cb-museclub @hybrid-ateez-straykids-nct @yandere-eunwoo @carnival-skteez

💜@shin-haneul @babie-sanie @illuminated-skz @ares-bc @bunny-woong

💙@song-mingi-cb @mafiaxnct127 @starsirah-oc @bloodlustbots

💚@mafia-chae @skz-cb @madmanwoodam @vampiremomo @fairy-yeji @deadly-skz-gods-cb @four-straykids-apocalypse @betrayerjongup @vitoria-oc @powerpuff-3ye-cb @urhexgirls @wolfyjulia

#chris rants #❤❤❤#i forgot about this and wrote half at 7am and half now #i apoligize #someday i will give you quality content #but not today #chris life

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bemused-writer · 4 years

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VNC Chapter 47 Analysis

They're labeling this as "chapter 48" on official sites, but the last chapter was chapter 46.5, so I'm just going to call this 47 and hope for the best. XD Anyway, let's get right into it.

We start out with Jeanne at Carbunculus Castle, the place Noé and Vanitas were infamously kicked out of back in chapter 13. We see that Jeanne has an interest in books (and that Luca has given her permission to read his) and goes straight for the fairy tales.

Now, I suspect as a bourreau, she wasn't granted a whole lot of time to read, so the fact that Luca let's her read his books is probably considered a luxury. She looks awfully excited to be reaching for a book. Once again, we see how much Luca cares about her and how much has been withheld from Jeanne for so long.

Because of this, I'm guessing she's unfamiliar with a lot of the stories we take for granted, such as Sleeping Beauty. Regardless, Jeanne enjoys the story about the princess and inserts herself in it, only as the prince rather than the princess. It's interesting that, despite her history with Vanitas where he's been the one helping her (when he wasn't mocking her), she sees herself as the hero of the piece and Vanitas as the person who she can save. This fits in with the more domineering personality she's been demonstrating lately. And frankly, Vanitas is probably going to need her help at some point, so she's probably not completely wrong, even if it seems unlikely that Vanitas would ever accept such a simple romance.

Here's the thing, Jeanne's view on romance is pretty simplistic. That's not bad, but it means she and Vanitas are once again coming at things with a very different perspective. She's envisioning a relationship where she protects him, he welcomes this behavior, and then they go off to enjoy romantic bliss. But the thing is, we know Vanitas doesn't feel this way at all. He's terrified of genuine emotion because he can't believe anyone would think well of him, so unsurprisingly he hates himself, and he doubly hates it when people try to save him or protect him at their own expense (see his reaction to Noé doing just that in chapter 11). So, everything Jeanne wants out of a relationship right now is not going to work for Vanitas. Because, well, all Vanitas wanted out of a relationship was someone who would hate him while also being fun to mess with.

...His standards are pretty low. He is clearly not ready for a relationship of any kind. And, well, Jeanne isn't either, really, because her standards are too... unrealistic, especially considering who we're talking about here.

Anyway, Luca shows up and the two chat a bit before they're interrupted with the news that Dominique is missing.

Now this here is very interesting for a lot of reasons. 1) Apparently the de Sades are not considered reliable. She's been gone for three days and they're only now looking into it? This family is supposed to be politically savvy, yet somehow they get away with ridiculous behavior. Hmmm... 2) We finally know what Dominique's duty is: she's a royal guard. This is big. For one, it means she's been wearing an actual uniform this whole time and it's not just her sense of style. For another, she and Jeanne have kind of similar professions. They're both protecting the royal family. And yet, despite having this important job, Dominique's family treats her like a failure. Why? Is it her meek personality? Or do they not consider the duty of a royal guard all that important?

Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if "royal guard" translates to "de Sade spy" because I have a hard time believing this crafty of an aristocratic family would allow their daughter to simply be on guard duty all day. If so, no wonder Dominique is always so stressed.

The guard continue to tell Luca something, but we don't get to hear the whole exchange because we shift to Jeanne's perspective. Still, the guard is saying that something is happening in the humans' Paris, and I think it's safe to assume it's the "vampiric incidents" Noé referenced in chapter 45.

Considering how things are turning out, I think we can also assume the curse bearer is Dominique and these incidents were instigated by Misha. Why would he do this? To get Noé's and Vanitas's attention. His plans haven't really been subtle so far, but he likely knows what they've been up to: saving vampires.

Still, this theory doesn't totally hold up because Misha's plan rested on Dominique luring Noé to him. If we assume he corrupted her name, it's possible she went on a rampage without his instruction and this wasn't part of the plan whatsoever, though, and is therefore still possible.

Luca asks Jeanne to do him a favor, but at this point we cut back to Noé, so we don't know what it's going to be. I'm not sure what role Jeanne and Luca are going to play in this arc. They're unlikely to come in time to save Dominique; they have no idea where she is and even if Vanitas stopped to ask for help, it would be too late. What's more likely is they'll get involved after Vanitas has "rescued" Noé or intervened in some fashion.

Speaking of Noé, he really had a lousy time of it this chapter, didn't he? I'm beginning to see a shift in dynamics. In the first two arcs (Bal Masqué and Catacombs) Noé was the one who did the bulk of the protecting in his partnership with Vanitas. He saved him from Ruthven and he saved him from Moreau. With Gévaudan and now this arc, it seems Vanitas is having to step in to protect Noé.

Having said that, Noé still seems to be the target for a lot more of the malicious acts in this series than Vanitas is, and I'll talk a bit more about that momentarily.

Misha says he wants Noé to drink Vanitas's blood so he'll finally know why Vanitas killed their "Father." Noé admits he has no idea what this kid is even talking about, which surprises Misha.

That all by itself already raises some questions. Everything we've seen of Vanitas makes it pretty obvious he wouldn't talk about his past so easily, but Misha assumed Noé must know a great deal about Vanitas.

Misha: "Well, well. I was overthinking it, huh? You've been together all this time, and yet... You don't know a thing about my brother, do you Noé?"

Was Vanitas more open before he killed Vanitas of the Blue Moon? Or did Misha simply assume that for Vanitas to spend any length of time with someone suggested it must be someone he'd talk to about everything? I mean, in fairness, Vanitas has confided more in Noé than anyone else, but they haven't known each other that long, so his entire backstory would be a bit much right now. Also, how long as Misha been keeping an eye on them? He seems to have some idea of how things are going between them. Either that, or he's making a lot of assumptions.

I find this darkly amusing. Misha has some awareness of how insane his request sounds, but he figures it's simply because Noé doesn't have all the facts and not because, you know, he kidnapped his best friend and is threatening to kill her.

Anyway, Misha rightly assumes that explaining things will probably take a lot of time and Noé frankly has no reason to believe him anyway, so he reaches a conclusion: he'll just have Noé drink his own blood, give him the facts, and then toss Noé at Vanitas to finally get the answer he seeks.

This is such a fascinating mix of good and bad logic colliding here. On one hand, information is good! You definitely want people to have that if you're hoping to get them to help you. On the other hand, forcing the guy you're holding hostage to engage in an intimate act with you to learn those facts probably isn't going to endear him to you in any shape or form. 8D Misha simply assumes that once Noé sees how Vanitas killed his father, he will sympathize with him and want to help him. He's completely forgetting that he is hurting Noé and the person he cares about, Dominique, and that that isn't something he's about to forget anytime soon. He's also not taking into account that Noé has, you know, morals. Forcing himself on Vanitas isn't something he's going to readily do even if he does think killing Vanitas of the Blue Moon was messed up.

Noé doesn't want to drink Misha's blood. He is horrified by his behavior, his actions, and what is basically sexual harassment at this point. But despite all that, Noé drinks his blood anyway, and the reasoning is simple.

She means everything to him and he's worried about her. I've wondered for a while now if Noé is aware of how traumatized Dominique actually is from what happened to Louis. This section makes me think that the answer is "yes."

I can't find the panel right now, but I seem to remember at some point Vanitas made a comment about Dominique being forward or something like that and Noé said "She wasn't always like that." But he said it so simply I figured he thought Dominique underwent a transition just because. But the above panel shows that her transformation was really painful for Noé, too. He had to witness her physically change herself, emotionally change herself, all in an effort to become another person, whom they both cared about and missed. That's psychologically taxing for everyone involved and I think that both Noé and Dominique assigned themselves the duty of protecting the other. Dominique spends all her time trying to make sure Noé is safe as well as trying to become someone she thinks Noé will love, and now we see that Noé was so frightened by her attempt to become Louis he knew he had to do everything he could to protect her.

Also, for ages now I've thought that Noé was projecting Louis onto Dominique or that certain moments with Dominique made him think of Louis, but I need to retract some of that. Since Dominique spent so much time dressed as Louis, those time he "thought of Louis" were probably times he was thinking of Dominique in her "Louis phase." Which is definitely hard to keep track of, but for now I think we should just assume all the times he drank "Louis's blood," or danced with "Louis" he really did do those things with Dominique.

Which means another thing: these two have a much higher chance of being a couple than I originally thought. There's even more history and backstory together than I'd realized, and we're really seeing how much Noé cares for Dominique now. The real hindrance in this relationship is Noé's obliviousness and Dominique's self-hatred.

But let's get to Misha's backstory, which we get to see as Noé views his memories.

This panel right here explains Misha's behavior pretty well actually, which is handy because Misha's behavior is decidedly unsettling. There's no denying the sexual way Misha handled himself when he offered his blood to Noé and it seemed to me like a very learned behavior. We see here that's the case. The phrase "turn tricks" means to engage in sex, so what the guards are telling us is that Misha's mother had him perform sexual acts with her customers. So, that's unbelievably messed up, but Misha's behavior makes a lot more sense now. He was taught to do this, is used to doing this, and knows it's a method to get what he wants. Well, he wants Noé to do something for him, and, well, drinking blood is often a seduction method for vampires, so I guess by that logic he should get exactly what he wants.

Except Noé isn't a customer, he's not interested in Misha, and he's essentially having a panic attack. Not an ideal way of getting someone to do what you want. Like I said, Misha's logic is a fascinating mix of good and bad and that is really being highlighted right now.

Also, going back to Misha making assumptions about Noé and Vanitas's relationship, I think it's likely that, given his background, he was probably convinced those two were sleeping with each other, which is probably why he also figured Noé knew more about Vanitas than he does.

One thing that surprised me about this chapter was that we got to see Roland! Out of all the things I expected, I really didn't expect to learn that he and Misha met at some point. XD But this is an interesting connection, one that I feel like has to come up again at some point. We see that Roland is very good with children with a good sense of humor and a kind nature. We also see he was pretty heavily injured when Misha first met him.

I really have to wonder what happened to put Roland in such a sorry state....

Regardless, he assures Misha he will have a new home with lots of friends. But then Misha asks an odd question: Why did the chasseurs kill the vampire that killed his mother?

Roland is understandably confused and then horrified as Misha explains the vampire saved his mother.

And here we are, back to the question of "What is salvation?"

Misha says his mother became cruel to him and that she was always angry, but the vampire restored her smile and she seemed kind again. In other words, she died, but she was also restored, however briefly, to the mother Misha had missed for so long.

So, Vanitas and Misha both had their families killed by vampires. Vanitas's reaction is more what we might expect from that trauma: he distrusts vampires, maybe hates them, but he's also seen how awful humans are and has decided everyone is awful. We can assume that the death of Vanitas's family didn't restore any faith in vampires, that's for sure.

But for Misha, that wasn't the case. This vampire was clearly a cruel, horrible man, but Misha was already used to being around cruel, horrible people. That probably didn't register as all that different from the norm. But his mother's smile did, and so he views vampires fondly.

Basically, we're seeing two different reactions to somewhat similar trauma (the death of one's family) and different ways of treating vampires based off of it. Vanitas wants them to stay away from him unless he's the one with all the power and because he wants to maintain a sense of autonomy, he especially doesn't want an Archiviste drinking his blood. He threatened Noé with death if he ever attempted it. He keeps his secrets close and people far away.

Misha was raised in an environment where he was hardly keeping people away. He's used to being an open book--or at least pretending to be one--and so he embraces vampires and wants his past to be known because that's how he establishes power: by drawing people in. Misha sees an Archiviste's abilities as "useful" not "bad."

Anyway, Roland makes a comment about the vampires leading Misha's heart astray. I wonder if this is how Astolfo feels about Roland now? Hmm...

We briefly see Olivier as well, and he's just as beat up as Roland. Just what were these two doing? Also, someone says "my Lord," which I think was aimed at Olivier, and if so, that confirms my suspicions that he's of the aristocracy.

Misha is whisked away the second Roland's back is turned and he's given to Moreau who then places him in Vanitas's care. My guess is the next several chapters are going to be Misha's flashbacks before we return to the present day, which means it's going to be a bit before we hear from Vanitas and Jeanne.

My biggest question is, of course, how Vanitas will react to this scene. I can see it going a few ways. He could be appalled at what Misha has done and direct his anger at him. Or he might wonder if Noé was so eager to know his past he agreed to drink Misha's blood for that alone.

But in this case, it really has nothing to do with Vanitas; Noé is simply willing to do whatever it takes to save Dominique. Learning about Vanitas wasn't something he was remotely interested in in this scenario. Quite different from the norm!

Also, can Noé even trust the memories he sees from Misha? Are these memories "accurate" or are they distorted by Misha's own impressions? Furthermore, what will happen to Noé after being immersed in someone else's memories for so long? He can't fully remember Jean-Jacques's memories because it was all smashed together, but this is a very clear reading, possibly the deepest he's ever done. I don't know if he'll recover readily from this.

And when Vanitas gets there, how is he going to save Noé and Dominique? Will he freeze when he sees Misha? How powerful is this kid?

And then there's the mark on Misha's arm. It's on the opposite arm to Vanitas's, which makes me think the mark shows up wherever a vampire bites as opposed to having a set location. Another interesting thing about this mark is that he's missing part of his arm. In the flashback, Misha has both hands, so did he lose one because of Moreau? Or is this a result of being rewritten from using the book too much? There's a lot to consider there.

I'm very eager to see the next chapter. This is quite a clever way of giving us some backstory without having Noé betray Vanitas's trust. I'm curious to see how things continue and just how awful Moreau was. b>Edit: So, I completely forgot to make a couple of points. XD I'll just add them to the bottom.

I wanted to talk about Noé and how he's been bearing the brunt of the trauma of late and why that might be. I think at least some of it is to go against our expectations. Noé is a vampire, and generally speaking, vampires have the advantage in any story about them. They're stronger, practically immortal, and knowledgeable on account of their age. Noé is physically stronger than Vanitas, but he isn't immortal, and he's actually somewhat naive. This is already different from our expectation. But what's also different is Noé undergoing so much trauma.

Of course, I don't think Mochizuki is doing this just to mess with our expectations. I also think it's because Noé tends to be trusting and he tends to go into situations without proper warning from Vanitas. On several occasions now, Noé has criticized Vanitas for not stating things clearly (the Catacombs arc) and for not telling him vital information (the Gévaudan arc). And whenever Vanitas doesn't tell him something, Noé suffers for it. A few other examples: If Noé had known how little Vanitas trusts Ruthven, maybe he would have been more careful about going out to coffee with him. If he'd known Vanitas even had a brother and that he was dangerous, maybe he could have asked Vanitas for help first. If he'd known there was a second book he would have been radically more prepared for what faces him now.

I'm not trying to say all of this is Vanitas's fault because it isn't. Noé could be more careful in general and less trusting as well. But it definitely wouldn't have hurt for Vanitas to speak up sooner.

Another thing I wanted to touch on briefly is something I've talked about before, and that's how one of the themes of this series is consent and what that actually looks like. We have Vanitas and Jeanne where I think consent was dubious in their relationship, but then it transformed and is maybe more consensual now (their relationship is currently in flux). Then we see how Noé has had a lot of unwanted attention thrust on him from people like Ruthven, Chloé, and now Misha. I think that suggests that at some point, we're going to have to see him in a more stable, consensual relationship. Noé tends to brush things off; he let go of Chloé's treatment easily. But with this constant barrage, I feel like we're either going to see him snap or we're going to see him be more firm in his boundaries.

And then about his drinking Misha's blood: Will this finally heal his hand? I know I've been fixated on his chopped off hand for a while now, but it really drives me crazy. 8D

Okay, I think I've covered everything I meant to now. There was a lot to think about with this chapter.

#vanitas no carte #vnc spoilers #vnc meta #Bemused's post

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tabloidtoc · 3 years

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National Enquirer, April 5

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Meghan Markle's secret psych analysis

Page 2: Heather Locklear has put on a lot of weight since she got out of rehab last fall -- she looks to be carrying 170 pounds on her five-foot-five frame and she looks to have gained 35 pounds

Page 3: Miranda Lambert has taken another swipe at ex Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani by dissing their upcoming nuptials -- Miranda has been urging mutual friends to skip the wedding and she's got everyone in Nashville and beyond all riled up and either you're Team Miranda or you're Team Blake, and if you're with him you can forget about being friends with her and she's forcing people to choose sides and she'll have no qualms cutting off anyone who attends Blake's wedding

Page 4: Alex Rodriguez struck out with fiancee Jennifer Lopez after she discovered his hot-and-heavy direct messages to a long string of women -- their four-year romance went foul after Southern Charm's Madison LeCroy publicly admitted she'd been in touch with A-Rod and Jennifer found out he'd reached out to other beauties through social media and Jennifer had had enough

* Concerned mom Jennifer Garner is struggling to cement her relationship with daughter Violet now that the 15-year-old is barreling through the turbulent teens -- Jennifer said the heartbreak is just that she's growing up at all and it's heartbreaking for the mom and for the teenager, needing to have that kind of severing of this baby-mama tie

Page 5: Chris Brown's spacey social media posts about aliens have close pals concerned about the R&B crooner, including his once-battered ex Rihanna -- Chris is obsessed with conspiracy theories and all things supernatural

Page 6: Disgraced Felicity Huffman is fuming about scuffling for plum parts while rumors swirl fellow felon Lori Loughlin has already been invited back into her old TV series and Felicity can't understand why she is being forced to go through the whole audition process while Lori seems to be welcomed back with open arms -- though she hates to do it, Felicity feels the only way she can get attention is to do a tell-all interview about her humiliating part in the scandal -- Felicity has scored a part in the ABC pilot Sacramento River Cats, though there is no guarantee the project will make it onto the air, but insiders and fans of the hit Hallmark series When Calls the Heart have all been filling the internet with talk of Lori's rumored return -- Felicity believes the only way to get public sympathy is to spill her guts, even though all she wants is put the scandal far behind her

Page 8: Stressed Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon has been packing on the pounds as his talk show continues to battle with Stephen Colbert's Late Show and Jimmy Kimmel Live in the late-night ratings and Jimmy has been partying and pigging out to find any comfort he can as Tonight continues to trail the field in total viewers and Jimmy is over 200 pounds for the first time in his life and it's because he's overindulging to compensate for the show's struggles and Jimmy and the gym do not mix even though he had a full fitness center installed at his New York apartment years ago

* Debilitated diva Liza Minnelli's 75th birthday party turned into a disaster when her frail physical condition alarmed friends -- celebrity pals also joined a virtual bash for the legend, even though Liza insisted she didn't want a big fuss and Liza's manager threw the small dinner party on her birthday and about eight people, including Joan Collins, attended in person and several other friends, including Barbra Streisand, recorded video messages and performances for Liza but before the party, Liza was in such bad shape she told friends that she didn't want to participate or be seen on camera -- in the end, Liza, who's undergone multiple surgeries and struggled with substance abuse for years, agreed to join the gathering at the L.A. home of her longtime protege Michael Feinstein and Liza sang but she didn't look well and her voice is shot to pieces and she was propped up in a chair and barely moved from it because she can't walk well anymore and during a live chat during the party the hashtag #FreeLiza started to pop up and not everyone meant it as a joke and there's a feeling certain people have taken over her life and longtime friends have been frozen out and they fear she'll never appear in public again and they won't see her again before she dies -- when friends saw the videos the next day they were upset and very worried, saying Liza really appears to have declined

Page 9: Angelina Jolie has fired a shocking new salvo against ex Brad Pitt over custody of their five youngest children and her latest court documents allege domestic violence and even worse, some of the nearly dozen papers Angie just filed offer up a few of the kids to testify against their dad and Angie is now claiming she can offer proof and authority of domestic violence but Brad's lawyers are expected to respond with a vehement denial -- with the newest court filings, all of which are sealed, Angie is determined to get full custody of the kids and Angelina has fought tooth and nail to get what she wants in this divorce and when it comes to her kids she won't back down

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Farrah Abraham in a bikini, 50 Cent chased away his thirst with a drink at an Atlanta eatery, Natasha Lyonne of Russian Doll was on her game while playing chess on the NYC set, Selma Blair met up with a pal in Studio City, Reggie Bush showed he's still in fine form during a Mexican vacay

Page 11: Gwyneth Paltrow isn't above using a little goop to smooth out the age lines -- the lifestyle guru recently admitted to resorting to a teeny drop of Xeomin, which claims to be a uniquely purified choice for frown lines, to help her look less pissed off but she also admitted her history with fillers hasn't always been happy and she had a midlife crisis when she turned 40 and she went to see this doctor and it was a disaster and she was bruised and her forehead was completely frozen and she didn't look like herself at all -- she also admitted she believes there is still a lot of shame around surgery or injectables or fillers and it's like admitting a vulnerability -- she said she thinks aging is hard and when you see your face start to change, you don't necessarily feel your most beautiful, externally, but the irony is it's that time in your life when you actually really like yourself and love yourself

* Wendy Williams' handpicked hunk Mike Esterman has better buckle up because the daytime diva has already mapped out their future, and he's in for a wild ride -- Wendy boasted she chose her Maryland-based beau after receiving hundreds of submissions to her Date Wendy segment, but she's aiming to renovate the contractor and it's all about image, stylists and bodyguards for Wendy right now and she's already got a reality show in the works for them, a TV crew and photographers trailing them everywhere and his-and-her makeovers too -- she's gone from zero to 60 with this guy in a matter of days

Page 12: Straight Shuter gossip column -- Miley Cyrus is going country after her last two albums tanked -- Miley offended her core audience with her outrageous behavior and punk sound and she's signed with a new record label and the plan is to reintroduce her to the country audience that loved her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, and once loved her -- Miley's behavior has overshadowed her talent for years and her new team will guide Miley back to her roots in the world of country and finding the right sound should be easy but can Miley find the right behavior

* Gayle King owes her glow on CBS This Morning to a new makeup artist and after being tended to by a fill-in makeup artist and told she looked better than ever, Gayle quietly dismissed her longtime makeup man but there's an unspoken code of ethics in the pro makeup world that if you're asked to replace a longtime client's makeup person, the appropriate answer is no

* The Sex and the City reboot isn't all cosmos and roses -- Sarah Jessica Parker was the show's executive producer, giving her much more power than her co-stars, but Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis will also executive produce the reboot and there's already tension -- sharing power is hard for anyone who's been the boss for years and it isn't one big happy family

* Rachel Brosnahan gets some puppy love on the set of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (picture)

Page 13: The knives are out for self-appointed queen bee of The Talk Sharon Osbourne after she was exposed as TV's meanest host -- the salty motormouth has been accused of a barrage of racist and anti-gay zingers, forcing the gabfest to go on hiatus while CBS investigates the claims -- former host Leah Remini claimed Sharon would frequently refer to then-co-host Julie Chen, who is Chinese American, as 'wonton' and 'slanty eyes' and Sharon also reportedly referred to her out lesbian co-host Sara Gilbert as 'p--sy licker' and 'fish eater' -- in a tweet, Holly Robinson Peete implied Sharon's racist comments led to her leaving the show -- Sharon also chased Marie Osmond on the show last fall and tried to take it over after Julie Chen quit in 2018 -- Sharon has denied all claims against her -- Sharon's big personality is central to The Talk, but some of these allegations, although none have yet been proven, are the kind of remarks that could be career-ending

Page 14: Crime

Page 16: Demi Lovato's shocking admission that she continues to puff pot and swill booze after multiple rehab stints and a near-fatal drug overdose has pals and addiction experts convinced the singer is courting disaster -- she dropped the bombshell in a recent interview and claimed indulging in those vices has helped her fend off more serious addictions and the chronic depression that has dogged her entire life -- Demi came very close to dying three years ago after she overdosed on opioids and it triggered three stokes and a heart attack, and a lot of people were terrified she would never recover and her friends are convinced she's put herself right back on the same self-destructive path -- Demi claimed she was sexually assaulted by her dealer on the day of her almost-fatal OD and when her assistant found her unconscious and surrounded by vomit following the wild binge, she was naked and she was blue and she was left for dead and she had unknowingly taken heroin that was laced with the powerful drug fentanyl

Page 17: Devastated Lisa Marie Presley is finding comfort in the arms of her first husband, Danny Keough, after their son Benjamin Keough's suicide -- Danny has given her a shoulder to cry on and he's the only one who can understand the despair she feels after losing Benjamin -- Lisa Marie has been inconsolable since Benjamin died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound and she's moved in with Danny in Woodland Hills, California and she's also struggled with substance abuse and the stress of an ongoing divorce battle from fourth husband Michael Lockwood -- although her marriage to Danny ended in 1994, he's remained close to the family, working as a driver and handyman for their actress daughter, Riley Keough and Riley couldn't be happier that her dad has been so helpful to her mother and it's taking a full team to keep Lisa Marie together and Danny was definitely proven he's still on her team

* The sudden death of Bobby Brown Jr. remains shrouded in mystery as the 28-year-old's autopsy report was placed on a security hold following a request from the LAPD -- the namesake son of Bobby Brown and his ex-girlfriend Kim Ward lived with his famous father in Encino, California, where the singer found him responsive -- Bobby Jr. has been doing drugs with pals and insiders suspected he was deliberately dosed with a fatal cocktail of booze, cocaine and painkillers

Page 18: American Life

Page 19: Tina Turner is using a new documentary about her life as a final farewell to fans after the R&B icon was rocked by a string of physical and mental health woes including the crippling effects of a 2013 stroke -- the eye-opening documentary Tina is a love letter to her millions of supporters and the punctuation mark to a life defined by startling professional success and heartbreaking personal catastrophes -- Tina admitted she's had an abusive life but at a certain stage forgiveness takes over -- in the documentary Tina confessed she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and has frightening flashbacks of being savagely beaten throughout her hellish 16-year marriage to the late Ike Turner and Tina's current husband, German music producer Erwin Bach, even compared his spouse to a shell-shocked soldier -- more recently, Tina has been battered by health crises after suffering a stroke in 2013 and being diagnosed with intestinal cancer three years later, mere months before her kidneys failed and Erwin donated one of his own to save her life -- Tina knows the end is near and this film is truly her last encore

Page 20: Match Game -- a round up of male and female celebs who look astonishingly similar, despite their opposite genders -- Sophie Turner and Boy George, Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber, Timothee Chalamet and Natalia Dyer, Tom Cruise and Tig Notaro

Page 21: Melissa McCarthy and Ricky Gervais, Eva Marcille and Terrence Howard, Bret Michaels and Fergie, Josh Hartnett and Clea DuVall

Page 22: Katy Perry sparked rumors she had finally taken the plunge with longtime love Orlando Bloom after she was seen sporting a suspicious gold band on her left ring finger while vacationing in Hawaii

* Scott Disick has confessed baby mama Kourtney Kardashian is the reason his relationships fail -- the reality TV slacker revealed his now ex-girlfriend Sofia Richie felt neglected because he spent more time with Kourtney and their three kids, saying it's definitely not easy that they see each other, work together and are friends but he's always been clear that his priority has been his kids and he even put it out there that taking care of Kourtney is one of his priorities

Page 26: Reality star fixer-uppers Jonathan and Drew Scott are sweating bullets over a lawsuit filed against their Property Brothers show by unhappy clients and the stress over the scandal is wreaking havoc with their personal lives -- Las Vegas couple Mindy and Paul King filed suit against Cineflix, the company that producers Property Brothers, and Villa Construction, a local contracting company, alleging they did a shoddy job repairing their home after the couple forked over $193,000 for renovations -- though the twin brothers aren't named in the lawsuit, they were concerned it could smear their reputations and upset their ladyloves -- Jonathan is close to marriage with actress Zooey Deschanel and Drew is wed to Linda Phan, who is the creative director for their company, Scott Brothers Entertainment -- they're both mortified by these allegations and they don't know what to tell Zooey and Linda, other than they will be cleared when the truth comes out but they're terrified that the bad press could derail the show -- Paul and Mindy answered a 2018 casting call and said they were assured all the work would be HGTV quality but Paul said that the place looks good from afar, but it's far from good and the Kings griped to the Nevada State Contractors Board, citing more than 90 complaints with the work ranging from unmatched baseboards to potential hazards -- as the case plays out, the brothers have been rattled by the controversy and they are stressed that this very public case is calling their work into question and there's a fear more people will come forward with similar charges

Page 28: Cover Story -- a top-secret psychological profile of Prince Harry's wife Meghan Markle paints the former actress as a mentally unstable ticking time bomb who couldn't cope with playing second fiddle to senior royals -- the explosive evaluation unmasks Meghan as a pathological liar and bipolar narcissist with histrionic personality disorder but the jaw-dropping findings about Meghan, who's pregnant with a sister for son Archie, don't surprise palace sources as Meghan's tears, tantrums and extreme mood swings had staffers terrified what she could do or say next and she was consumed with ambition and jealousy -- she married Harry expecting to be the royal superstar, but instead learned she'd always be second to his brother Prince William's wife, Duchess Kate and Meghan couldn't stand that she and Harry would always be in their shadow and wanted to destroy her in-laws but no one expected her to lob a nuclear grenade into her husband's family in a no-holds-barred TV special

Page 32: Health Watch

Page 34: Cara Delevingne confessed she used to be disgusted by same-sex relationships and was suicidal before coming to terms with her sexuality -- the model, who has dated actresses Michelle Rodriguez and Ashley Benson and singer St. Vincent, said she was trapped in a dark place and afraid before she publicly admitted to liking members of the same sex -- she said she grew up in an old-fashioned household and she didn't know anyone who was gay and she didn't know that was a thing and growing up she wasn't knowledgeable of the fact she was homophobic and she continued that the idea of being with same-sex partners, she was disgusted by that, in herself -- Cara, who identifies as pansexual, explained her sexual orientation is constantly changing and added she was so unhappy and she wasn't following her truth, that whole thing of having to fit into the box, she's an androgynous person

* Don McLean wants his decades-younger girlfriend to have the wedding of her dreams and he's set aside $1 million for the big day -- the American Pie singer has been dating model Paris Dylan for five years after an ugly divorce from second wife Patrisha Shnier -- Paris is totally unconcerned by the enormous age gap between the 75-year-old singer and 27-year-old model and wants to spend the rest of their lives together -- Don's going all out making sure she has the wedding that's fit for a princess and he's spending an absolute fortune, giving Paris the best of the best in terms of the venue and the food and the one-of-a-kind dress and Don's given her carte blanche to plan it however she wants, and people are expecting a seriously over-the-top affair

Page 36: Singer Andra Day turned to method acting to play jazz icon Billie Holiday, and it's paid off with an Oscar nomination -- Andra revealed she dropped 39 pounds and took up drinking and smoking to prep for the title role in the biopic The United States vs. Billie Holiday -- Andra doesn't recommend smoking and drinking, but she did it because she was just desperate for her first role -- Andra, famed for writing and performing the song Rise Up, also sings in the movie as Holiday, and changed her singing voice to reflect the music legend's pain

* Hollywood Hookups -- MTV reality stars Jenna Compono and Zach Nichols secretly tied the knot and their first child is due in August, Larsa Pippen is dating Myles Kronman, Ashley Jacobs and Mike Appel engaged

Page 38: Cindy Crawford said posing for Playboy was a snap compared to acting in movies -- Cindy said she really regrets starring in the 1995 bomb Fair Game, where she played a lawyer fighting a former KGB spy -- she said she never wanted to be an actor, but a producer begged her and he kept upping the price until she thought she'd be an idiot to say no, but she should have said no, or prepared herself better -- the experience taught her she's very comfortable in front of a camera, but only when she's being herself

* Former American Idol judge Randy Jackson is half the man he used to be and he couldn't be happier about it -- Randy has dropped a whopping 130 pounds to head off potentially deadly effects of his type 2 diabetes and did it in the healthiest ways -- he wrote in his book Body with Soul, it's a curse to be saddled with a disease that's life-threatening, but it's a blessing to get that huge wake-up call -- Randy admitted to crushing the scale at 358 pounds before getting gastric bypass in 2003 but now exercises and eats right and he's ditched sugar and gluten and he wants to be an example for other obese folks and show them they can get healthy and stay that way

Page 40: Tom Brady did an end run around fuming wife Gisele Bundchen by signing a four-year contract extension with his new Tampa Bay Buccaneers team after winning the Super Bowl -- the 43-year-old quarterback promised Gisele he would hang up his cleats after the upcoming season since winning last year's championship but changed his mind after snagging his record seventh NFL title with the Bucs -- Gisele is both angry and astonished because they had spoken about him finally settling down to be a full-time father and husband, but he can't stop chasing glory on the field and Gisele was stunned by his decision to re-up for another four years while the two were discussing expanding their brood and they had planned to have another child after buying their dream house on Indian Creek Island in Miami and they were even drawing plans for a nursery, and now that Tom's done a complete turnaround, everything is up in the air; it's caused some serious tension in their marriage

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Grammy Awards -- Billie Eilish, Megan Thee Stallion, Dua Lipa, Noah Cyrus, Lizzo, Taylor Swift

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dherzogblog · 3 years

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The Birth of The Daily Show: 25 Years of Fake News and Moments of Zen

It was July of 1995 and I had left MTV to become President of Comedy Central. It was the basic cable equivalent of going from the NY Yankees to an expansion team. I was on the job just two weeks when I received a call from Brillstein Grey the high powered managers of Bill Maher, host of one of the networks few original programs, "Politically Incorrect". We were informed Bill and his show would leave the network when his contract expired in 12 months. It was a done deal. Bill wanted to take his show to the "big leagues" at ABC where he would follow Night Line. Comedy Central was left jilted. Terrible news for a network still trying to establish itself. We had a year to figure out how to replace him and the clock was ticking. So began the path to The Daily Show.

It was very much a fledgling Comedy Central I joined, available in barely 35 million homes, desperately seeking an identity and an audience. It was just over three years old, born into a shot gun wedding that joined two struggling and competing comedy networks, HBO’s Comedy Channel and Viacom’s HA!, Watching them both stumble out of the gate, the cable operators forced them to merge, telling them: "We only need one comedy channel, you guys figure it out”. After some contentious negotiations the new channel was born and the red headed step child of MTV and HBO set out to find the pop culture zeitgeist its parents had already expertly navigated. The network had yet to define itself. The programming consisted mainly of old stand up specials from the likes of Gallagher (never underestimate the appeal of a man smashing watermelons), a hodgepodge of licensed movies (“The God’s Must be Crazy and The Cheech and Chong trilogy were mainstays) and Benny Hill reruns. The networks biggest hit by far was the UK import “Absolutely Fabulous”, better know as “AbFab”. Comedy Central boasted a handful of original shows, including the wonderfully sublime "SquiggleVision" of “Dr. Katz”, the sketch comedy "Exit 57" (starring the then unknown Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert) and of course Maher’s "Politically Incorrect". In retrospect I don’t think Bill got enough credit for pioneering the idea of political comedy on mainstream TV. Back then he was the only one doing it.

Politically Incorrect performed just fine, but got more critical attention than ratings. It was a panel show, and I had something a bit different in mind to replace it. I knew we needed a flagship, a network home base, something akin to ESPN's Sports Center where viewers could go at the end of a the day for our comedic take on everything that happened in the last 24 hours….."a daily show". I had broad idea for it in my head. I would describe it as part "Weekend Update", part Howard Stern, with a dash of "The Today Show" on drugs complete with a bare boned format to keep costs low so we could actually afford to produce it. We could open with the headlines covering the day's events (our version of a monologue), followed by a guest segment (we wouldn't need to write jokes...only questions!), and finish with a taped piece. Simple, right? We just needed someone to help flesh out our vision.

Comedy Central was a a second tier cable channel then and considered a bit of a joke (no pun intended). It had minuscule ratings, no heat and even less money to spend. Producers were not lining up to work with there. Eileen Katz ran programming for the channel and the two of us began pitching this idea to every producer who would listen. One of the first people we approached was Madeleine Smithberg, an ex Letterman producer and had overseen "The Jon Stewart Show" for us at MTV. We thought she was perfect for the role. “You can’t do this, you can’t afford this, you don't have the stomach for this, it will never work ” Madeliene said when we met with her. We could not convince her to take the gig. Ok then....we moved on. The problem was we heard that same refrain from everybody. No one wanted the job. So after weeks being turned down by literally EVERYONE, I said to Eileen: “We have to go back to Madeleine and convince her to do this with us"!

Part our pitch to her was we would go directly to series. There would be no pilot. The show was guaranteed to go on air. We had decided this show was our to be our destiny and we had to figure it out come hell or high water. As a 24 hour comedy channel, if we couldn't figure out a way to be funny and fresh every day...what good were we? We told Madeliene we were committed to putting the show on the air and keeping it there till we got it right (for at least a year anyway). That, plus some gentle arm twisting got her to sign on. Shortly after that, Lizz Winstead did too.

Madleiene and Lizz very quickly landed on their inspired notion of developing the show and format as a news parody. It brought an immediate focus and a point of view to the process . All of the sudden things started to take shape and coming to life. Great ideas started flowing fast and furious while an amazing collection of funny and talented began to come on board. Madeliene and Lizz were off to the races. Now all we needed was a host.

The prime time version of ESPN's Sports Center was hosted by Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann back then and it was must see cable TV. But I had recently started to notice another guy hosting the show's late night edition. He was funny, with a snarky delivery reminiscent of Dennis Miller. His name was Craig Kilborn. On the phone with CAA agent Jeff Jacobs one day, I asked if he knew happened to know who repped him? “I do" he said. "We just signed him”. Within days he was in my office along with Madeleine, Lizz, and Eileen who were all a bit skeptical about the tall blond guy with the frat boy vibes sitting across from them. After opening the meeting with a few off color comments that would probably get him cancelled today (an early warning sign fo sure), Craig ultimately won them over and we had our host.

FUN FAC#1: Minutes after the news of Craig's hiring went public, Keith Olberman's agent called me directly to ask why we hadn't considered hiring him?

Ok, we had a host and producers...but what to call it? After sifting through dozens of ideas for a title, Madeleine called me one day and said, "I think we should just call it what we've been calling it all along...."The Daily Show". As we approached our launch date we taped practice shows and took them out to focus groups to get real life feedback. The groups hated it.... I mean with a red hot hate. They hated Craig, the format, the jokes, everything. We were crushed and dejectedly looked around at the room at one another. "Now what?" “Either they’re wrong, or we are". I said I think they are...but it doesn’t matter, we're doing this!" We never looked back.

The show took off quickly garnering some quick buzz and attention, we felt like we had crashed the party. Well, sort of. We had no shortage of fun, growing pains and drama along the way. The Daily Show version 1.0 was about to unravel. In a December 1997 magazine interview Craig made some truly offensive and inappropriate remarks about Lizz and female members of the staff. Whether it was poor attempt at humor or just plain misogynist (or both) is beyond the point. It was all wrong, very wrong. Craig was suspended for a week without pay. Lizz left the show. In the moment I chose to protect the show and its talent more so than Lizz. That was wrong too. It's more than cringe worthy looking back now, and I regret not making some better decisions then. My loyalty to our host was later "rewarded" when in the Spring of 1998 Kilborn's team, a la Bill Maher, unceremoniously informed us he had signed a deal to follow Letterman on CBS when his contract expired at the end of the year. No discussion, a done deal. Comedy Central jilted again. Like Maher, Kilborn wanted his shot at the network big leagues and we had a little over six months to figure out how to replace him. We all know how that chapter ended. That search would eventually reunite us with Jon Stewart who along with The Daily Show took Comedy Central and basic cable to the "the big leagues" on their own terms, redefining late night comedy in the process The rest, as they say, is "Fake News" history.

Fun Fact #2: before approaching Jon (who I did not originally think would be interested) I initially offered the job to a chunkier, largely unknown Jimmy Kimmel, fresh off his co hosting duties on "Win Ben Stein's Money" ...only to have him turn us down.

My fascination with late night began as a kid. I remember how exciting it was to stay up to sneak a peek at the Carson monologue and watch him do spit takes with his chummy Hollywood guests. Later on I also loved the heady adult conversation Dick Cavett would have with everyone from Sly Stone to Groucho Marx. But it was the comedic revolution of Saturday night Live in 1975, followed by Letterman's game changing show in 1981 that truly established late night as the coolest place on the television landscape. I could only dream of one day being part of it.

25 years on, I couldn’t be more proud of The Daily Show and its legacy. Those days helping build it alongside Madeleine, Lizz, Eileen and the team were among the most satisfying (and fun) experiences I have ever had. It was thrilling to take a shot at the late night landscape and try and make our mark, especially when no one thought we could.

I am prouder still of what Trevor Noah and his staff have achieved since they took the hand off from Jon, evolving and growing the show through a new voice and lens. I think my personal "Moment Of Zen" will last as long as Trevor remains behind the desk, allowing me to selfishly boast of having hired every host this award winning and culture defining franchise has ever had.

25 years later. it remains as relevant as ever, a bona fide late night institution, standing shoulder to shoulder with all the great shows that inspired us to start.

#the daily show #jon stewart #trevor noah #comedy central

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four-straykids-apocalypse · 4 years

Text

Hyunjin

CW: ⚠️neglect, abuse/bullying, hunger, symptoms of eating disorder⚠️ (if I miss something that could trigger someone please lmk and I will immediately add the warning)

Famine

Noun

extreme scarcity of food.

Childhood:

His stomach rumbled again, the pain becoming a familiar feeling as he stood up and walked over to his mother who was doing her best with the little food they had.

“I’m hungry.” He whined, tugging at her skirt and rubbing his aching stomach.

“I know, Hyunjin. I only have rice and the last of the chicken. We have to try and stretch it out for as long as possible.” She went back to stirring the pot, trying to give it some flavour but knew it was hopeless.

As long as possible. That often meant until the pot was licked clean. It meant that the meal might feed them for three nights but he would have to go without for four.

With little to no energy left in his little body, smaller than other children due to malnutrition, Hyunjin walked back to his bed and curled up, hoping that if he slept, he wouldn’t feel hungry.

“We need to send him away, we can’t afford to feed ourselves, let alone a growing boy.” He had woken up to find that his parents had eaten without him, that they were discussing sending him to an orphanage and leaving him behind. “We can sell this place and go elsewhere, somewhere where the crops will grow and then have another child. He’s young, he will be fine.” His father walked into the room, grabbing what little he had and shoved it into a sack. “This is for your own good.”

This is for your own good.

That’s what they repeated to him the entire way, the night dark and cold but he couldn’t feel anything but the pain in his chest and the pain in his stomach. Was it for his own good that they sent him away, to be forgotten as they started afresh? Was it for his own good that he was put in a room full of strangers when he had only ever known his own space? Was it for his own good that the two people who were meant to love him unconditionally, left him starving and alone in an unfamiliar place?

He hated it, he was in a place that fed him well but because of how shrunken his stomach had been it took a long time for him to eat anything more than a bowl of rice. The amount of issues he had because his body was so conditioned to not receiving sustenance that he would often feel unwell after eating something that was bland in flavour or filled with everything his growing body needed.

But it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t just the difficulty eating because his entire young life he had eaten nothing but soggy rice, it was the difficulty he had fitting in that made him hate it even more.

“Runt. Raggedy. Unclean.” The boys would push him around because he was smaller, would tease him because his clothes never fitted him and were patched up, and steal his food to taunt him even more.

He hated it here...but here was the only place he was wanted.

Teens:

Abandoned by his parents and unwanted by everyone who adopted him, Hyunjin started to believe that he wasn't much of anything. He started to isolate himself from everyone - especially the boys in the orphanage because they loved to remind him about who he really was.

Runt. Raggedy. Unwanted.

He didn't think too much of himself, it was made obvious by how he would only eat enough to deal with the hunger, he wouldn't interact with those who came to look at kids, his hair was in his eyes and his clothes hanging from his body; Hyunjin started to look more like a skeleton than a growing teenage boy.

"Hyunjin," one of the orphanage mothers called him over and smiled sadly at him. The boys may have bullied him but the mothers always took sympathy on him. "Can you go down to the store and get some more milk?" He nodded, it wasn't unusual for them to give him errands, things to do so that he wasn't sitting in his corner by himself.

As he was walking down the street, he started to get a feeling that he was being followed. Looking over his shoulder, the man behind him looked away, keeping his distance but also he had been following Hyunjin since he left the orphanage. "Hey, boy." The man called out and Hyunjin started to walk faster and turned down the closest alley which only caused him to run into the accomplice. "Where you going?" The man laughed when he saw Hyunjin cornered.

It all happened so fast. He couldn't defend himself even if he wanted to because he wasn't strong enough, he was too small, too tired and basically, he just didn't have anymore fight to give.

They tried to grab the money that he clutched in his hand, desperate to not let down the mother that gave it to him. "Give it here, you little shit." Another kick to the abdomen, causing his body to curl in on itself.

Nobody noticed the man with his horse, walking down the alley and approaching them until he spoke. "What is going on here?" His voice was commanding, the depth alone enough to cause the men to back away from Hyunjin.

"This boy stole some money from our shop." The man lied, "we were only getting back what was ours."

Hyunjin whimpered, curled into a ball and sobbing into the ground. "Is that so?" The man stepped forward and crouched next to him. "Is what they are saying true, young man?" Too scared that he would be beaten to death, Hyunjin nodded and the man sighed. "Hyunjin." His name caused him to freeze - how did he know who he was? "Don't lie to me."

"N-no." He managed out, wincing from the pain. "T-this is money to-to get s-some milk fo-for the orphanage." He buried his face into the ground, waiting for the next blow but it never came.

Not to him, at least.

The man, his face hidden and build strong, defended Hyunjin from another strike, effectively getting rid of his would-be muggers before bending down and lifting the young boy up and holding him close. "You poor thing, starved and alone. Never taking too much out of fear that it would be gone but never giving yourself enough to grow. Come with me, Hyunjin, accept my offer and you will never know hunger again. You will never be alone again."

He sobbed into the man's coat, clutching the collar close as he walked up the street, desperate to be loved but not truly believing he ever would be, Hyunjin accepted the offer because who else would want him?

A special thank you to @cb-museclub s admin for writing Famines story!

Backstory Taglist: @/cb-museclub @mafiaxnct127 @skz-cb @mafia-svt @serialkiller-skz @leextaeyong @doll-hyunjin

#cw: bullying #cw: eating disorder #cw: abandonment #cw: neglect

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talkfastromance4 · 4 years

Text

Measured in Moments--Calum Hood (Part II of The Click)

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Copyright talkfastromance4 © All works is intellectual property of the author. All rights reserved. Any redistribution or reproduction or any part or all contents in any form is prohibited. You may not, without written expression and consent from the author, distribute works amongst other social media platforms

It’s taken me four days but I’ve finally finished part II! I didn’t plan on doing more than one part, but I enjoy this dynamic and there will probably be a few more parts following. Read The Click here and any feedback is welcome!

Word count: 7.3 k

Warnings: casual drinking, smut (female receiving oral, fingering, unprotected sex), fluff, sweetness

Song inspiration: Moonlight Serenade by Frank Sinatra and When Loving You by ASL

Author’s Note: The poem by Michael Faudet mentioned is “A Slow Pirouette” from his book ‘Cult of Two’ and is written in italics. The poem near the bottom is my own that I wrote and is titled roses&rainwater :)

donate to my ko-fi here :)

Masterlist

Enjoy! :)

• • • •

Calum has been planning his and Rose’s first date since after he left her apartment a week ago. They stayed up talking until about 1 o’clock and they would have probably talked for longer if her eyes didn’t get so heavy. He gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek as he left and when he got home, he couldn’t fall asleep because all he could think about was Rose.

The next morning, he met her at the front counter of the CBS where he made a plan to pay for her drink and muffin, but she insisted it’s her treat. She does get a discount after all being an employee. Teresa smiled at them the whole time and gave an inconspicuous wink to Rose as she handed off the drinks.

“Then let me take you out to dinner,” Calum had insisted while they walked to campus.

“Coffee for dinner isn’t a fair trade,” she giggled, and Calum was distracted by the sound for a moment. “But I’d love to get dinner with you, Calum.”

Rose had no idea where he’s taking her, but he told her to wear something a little on the dressier side. So, she chose a simple black dress with comfortable black heels and made sure her hair was perfect. Her nerves were building and pixelating in her entire body, so to try and calm down, she turned on her music and read through her poetry book.

Aside from being her favorite, it’s a comfort object. Would it be weird if she brought it on the date with her? She glances at the clock above her sink, the second hand revolves around the face evenly; the opposite of her heart.

Why should she be nervous? They already stayed up talking until 1 a.m. the first night they met and talk throughout the whole day every day. And they are soulmates after all, but Rose has never had an experience like this with anyone before. Her friends made it look so easy.

Is Calum as nervous as she is?

On the other side of town, Calum is sprinting through his house making sure he has all the essentials. Keys, wallet, phone, credit cards, cash. Throughout his mental checklist, his eyes scan over his poetry book that’s lying on his counter. Rose’s perfume still hangs between the pages so whenever he opens it for a read, it’s like she’s with him.

When it’s finally time to leave to pick her up, he notices the slight shake in his fingers as he grabs onto the steering wheel. He takes multiple shaky breaths trying to calm himself down, but his fingers are still shaky.

He selects his favorite playlist making sure it’s loud enough so he can’t hear the speed of his racing heart. As he arrives at the CBS and her apartment, his phone vibrates three times. When he looks at the notifications on his lock screen, they’re all from the guys wishing him luck and to relax. It eases him a little, but his palms are a little sweaty as he walks inside the coffeeshop.

Teresa smiles at him in greeting as he passes, telling him to head on up to Rose. He nods in thanks then finds himself taking the steps two at a time. Just before he can knock on the door, it opens revealing Rose and he’s left even more breathless than when he arrived.

His eyes drink her in just as she does him, and soon enough they’re chuckling nervously because they’ve coincidentally dressed the same. He’s also in an all-black ensemble.

“You look beautiful,” he takes her hand in his lifting it to his lips. His brown eyes look up at her as he kisses the back of her hand, a smile spreading.

“Thank you. You look pretty incredible,” she smiles and steps closer so she can close the door behind her. He watches her with an intensity she’s never seen before and it gives her butterflies.

They hold hands while they descend the stairs and all the way to his car until he helps her climb in the SUV then shuts the door for her. The static hanging in the car is felt by them both but it’s a good form of electricity. They’re both hyper aware of the others’ emotions.

He finds a decent parking spot after the twenty-minute drive to the restaurant; it was a silent ride but wonderfully comfortable as they sat listening to his music. Calum grabs her hand for the short walk inside and opens the door for her.

“Reservation for Hood,” he tells the hostess.

Rose is peering at the restaurant while the hostess eyes up her tablet. It’s a large space with white cloths on the tables and soft lighting from the golden sconces along the maroon walls. It’s a very cozy atmosphere but Rose can tell how classy it is.

“I’m sorry, it looks like your reservation was for seven o’clock . . . an hour ago,” the hostess says apologetically.

Her tone brings Rose back to the moment at hand and Calum’s brows are furrowed in confusion.

“No, I’m pretty sure I made it for eight o’clock,” he tries to dissuade with the hostess. “Can you check again?” he rests his hand that’s not holding Rose’s on the ledge of the hostess stand, leaning forward.

Rose glances between Calum and the hostess, she can feel the awkwardness of the situation easily, just as she can feel Calum’s anxiety rise a bit higher.

“I’m sorry Mr. Hood, but the reservation shows for seven o’clock.”

“All right,” he sighs heavily, his knuckles squeeze the wood. “How long for a table?”

“Um, reservations at La Perle needs a few days’ notice,” the hostess answers awkwardly, “I can hold a table for you in three days’ time.”

“Three days?”

“That’s all right, we’ll call again. Thank you,” Rose intercedes sensing his uneasiness. She pulls Calum with her back through the front door. Calum throws a disdainful look at the hostess over his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, I could’ve sworn I made the reservation for eight--”

“It’s all right,” she smiles reassuringly and squeezes his hands. She glances across the street and spots a restaurant with a neon blue sign that’s flashing ‘OPEN’. “Let’s head over there, it doesn’t look like they take reservations.”

He turns at the spot she’s pointing to and his shoulders sink at the thought of leaving the premise of the five-star restaurant to hop across the street at what looks like a modernized mom and pop restaurant.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” she smiles and tugs on his hands walking to the corner of the sidewalk.

When the light signals for them to walk he has no choice but to half jog with her across the street. Her excitement is palpable and wearing down his own anxiety and embarrassment. She pulls open the door and it’s much louder than La Perle across the street with some little kids running past them to a table where birthday balloons are situated at.

“Hello! Just the two of you?” the hostess asks cheerily from their left.

“Um, yes,” Rose smiles holding up her two fingers.

“Booth or table?”

“Booth please.”

“Follow me.”

Rose tugs on Calum again leading him through the tables that are filled with people. Laughter and loud conversation fill their ears until they’re placed in front of a booth against the far-right wall. Eclectic pictures and decorations scatter the cobbled walls.

“Your server, Tracy, will be right with you. Enjoy!”

When Calum averts his eyes from the walls to investigate Rose’s observations, she’s absolutely beaming at him. She looks beautiful under the dim lighting and while the noise is all around them, she quiets it for him. He still feels awful for mixing up the times for dinner and wants her to know he’ll make it up to her.

“I’m so sorry about the reservation—”

“Calum, stop,” she takes his fingers in hers across the table. Her thumb rubs over the initials inked on his skin. “I promise this is okay. We can pretend we’re back in high school going to a dance and this is our dinner spot beforehand.”

He can’t help but smile at her temporary fix to the poorly timed situation on his part.

“Funny you mention dance because after dinner there’s a concert in the park that I want to take you to.”

“What kind of concert?” her eyes dance at the thought.

“A jazz one,” he grins just as their waitress, Tracy, skips to their table.

*****

After dinner, they arrive at the park where a small stage is set up in the middle of the grass. Other couples are seated on blankets or chairs and orbed lights are hung up above the audience that’s also connected to the stage.

Calum tosses the blanket he brought up in the air letting it billow down onto the grass. They sit comfortably together with his legs spread in front of him while hers are tucked underneath her just as the concert starts. Moonlight Serenade by Frank Sinatra begins with the soft trills of flutes and violins before the gentleman in the center begins to sing.

Rose sighs happily while she watches the players play but Calum is watching her. He’s transfixed by her and how she’s reacting to the song. She sways slightly in her spot on the blanket and even hears her humming along quietly.

He studies her face as if she’s a work of art, her eyelashes cast soft shadows on the roundness of her cheeks that are still slightly blushed, and her lips are the perfect shape. He’s still staring at her when the song ends, and a torrential downpour falls on everyone in attendance.

When she squeals his name, he springs into action quickly gathering the blanket and they run back to his car. He scrambles for his keys that are buried in his jacket pocket, when it’s finally unlocked, Rose jumps in while he balls the blanket into the backseat and darts to the drivers’ side.

The rain hits the car hard, falling in rivers down the windshield and their windows and they’re both laughing.

“I can’t believe this happened,” he wheezes trying to catch his breath as he turns the car on. He makes sure the heat is on full blast, so she isn’t too cold.

“Shortest concert I’ve been to,” she giggles. “We can still listen to jazz back at my place if you want.”

How could Calum say no to that? He can’t.

Thankfully, they aren’t too wet from the rain so they’re pretty much dry by the time they’re walking up the stairs to her apartment. Rose hands him a towel to dry his hair while she rubs off the leftover dampness on her arms from the raindrops.

“How’s my make-up?” she asks.

Calum blinks a few times when he pulls the towel from his hair, he smiles at the small smudges under her eyes. She looks like an adorable raccoon.

“Not bad, but c’mere,” he grins motioning her closer with his two fingers. She steps forward and he dabs the corner of the towel gently underneath her eyes to remove the excess mascara.

“Good?” she asks when he lowers the towel.

“Perfect,” he smiles then drapes the towel over one of her stools by the kitchen counter. “I think you promised me some jazz music, Rosie.”

She giggles at the nickname then pulls her phone out as she walks to her speaker. She turns it on, presses play, then her apartment echoes saxophones and trumpets. The baritone of the singers’ voice carries over to them and Calum pulls Rose into his arms.

His hand holds onto her lower back while the other is firm in her hand. Her left hand rests gently on his shoulder and he begins to dance to the beat of the song. Aside from being part of the rhythmic section of the band, he’s also been known to be the best dancer. Years of football, or soccer, has perfected his footwork.

“How are you so good at dancing? Did you take lessons?” Rose asks when he does a little quick step and it makes her giggle.

“Something like that,” he chuckles. “I played soccer for a long time while I was growing up.”

“Really? Did they call you ‘fancy feet?’”

“No, but they should have,” he chuckles then turns serious. “I really am sorry about tonight. Everything got ruined.”

“It wasn’t ruined,” she shakes her head.

“Our first date was supposed to be perfect,” he huffs in disappointment, staring out the window above her bed. It looks like a piece of art with the water running down and blending the colors of the streetlights together.

Rose scratches the hairs at the nape of his neck, it forces him to tilt his head down at her. “It was perfect, Calum, I was with you.”

The static electricity is back, and it only intensifies when they press their lips together. The smell of roses is more potent from the rain and she tastes of rainwater. It’s his new favorite thing paired with dancing with her while they kiss tenderly in her living room. The song changes to Moonlight Serenade and he smiles against her mouth.

“This is our song now,” he mumbles, swiping his tongue over her lower lip. He loves the sweet, sweet taste of her kiss.

Rose pulls him even closer, chest to chest with her fingers interlocked behind his neck. He moves his hands around her waist so he’s holding onto her tightly. Their foreheads bump together, and they share the same breath as they continue to sway on the spot.

“You’re my love song,” she whispers and kisses him once more.

*****

Calum and Rose have been on many dates since then, most of them are study dates but if they’re together that’s all that matters. They see each other every morning for breakfast and their walk to campus. It fills Rose with joy because she never had a high school sweetheart, but this is exactly how she pictured it would be.

She’s over at his house and they’re both studying for a test that counts for 25% of their grade. She’s been brewing coffee hourly while she pores over her books and notes. Calum gets distracted by her much too easily, especially when she whispers the phrases out loud.

He finds himself glancing up from his own notes, most of them are small phrases written about her anyway, to admire her. He’s read about soulmates and what it will feel like but experiencing it is vastly different than what the books say. Calum constantly has this growing need to be beside her, even if the task at hand is ‘boring’, he knows it won’t be because she makes it fun.

While it is as easy as breathing, being with her, he finds his breath is lost when they are together. When she’s working a shift downstairs, Calum sits at a table doing his homework or writing, she’ll walk by him purposefully to stroke her finger over the back of his hand.

He’d glance up at her just to see her smile wryly, as if it’s a secret that she’s touching him and watches her continue her way. She always turns back around to give him her true Rose smile; the whole ordeal leaves him excited and filled with butterflies.

Butterflies that he would love to catch and keep in a jar so that he could give them to her, but he’d need to find a jar big enough to contain them all.

“Calum, you need to be studying,” she tells him sternly without glancing up from her textbook.

He continues to watch her highlight before she shifts her gaze from the words in her book to him.

“I am studying,” he grins, his brown eyes moving over her. She blushes and shifts in her chair.

“I’m not testing you,” she murmurs.

“You are more than you know, sweetheart,” he hums under his breath and resumes to his own book.

As the night ticks on, Rose begins to yawn more and more.

“I think it’s time for you to go home, sweetheart,” he says closing his books up.

“No, no, I’m fine,” she yawns twice more, covering her mouth with her hand.

Calum stands up, presses a kiss to her forehead and lets Duke outside. When he returns, she’s passed out across her books, her arm is used as a pillow. He beams at the sight then pulls out his phone to take a photo before scooping her up in his arms.

“I got the coffee,” she sighs tiredly, lifting her head up from his shoulder.

“You’re cut off, Rosie,” he chuckles and continues down the hallway to his room.

“Am I home? How’d I get home?”

“We’re still at my place, you can spend the night.”

“I don’t want to . . . be . . . bother,” she says through a long yawn. “I’ll drive home.”

“You don’t have a car,” he chortles setting her on the edge of his bed. “I wouldn’t let you drive even if you did. You don’t even have your eyes open.”

“Yeah I do,” she sighs while he grabs some old shorts and a t-shirt for her from his closet.

“Really?” he leans down in front of her, clothes in hand.

“Mhm.”

“Then what am I doing right now?”

“Smiling. You’re always smiling.”

“Because you always make me smile.”

“Aha! I was right,” she tries to focus on him through her heavy lids. He laughs at her cuteness and attempt to prove that she’s awake.

“I have clothes here for you to sleep in. I’m going to get Duke and some water bottles, okay?” he kisses her forehead. She sways from the touch.

With Duke and two bottles in his arms, he finds Rose curled against his pillow and he’s floored at how natural it is to see her in his bed, in his clothes, in his life. He sets Duke on the bottom of the bed and changes into his own sleepwear in his closet then joins Rose.

She cuddles into him immediately, sighing quietly. He counts the seconds in between her breaths and he’s fast asleep in moments.

The next morning, he makes her coffee and pancakes and syrup filled kisses are exchanged throughout the whole meal. Their first sleepover wasn’t planned, but it was a success nonetheless and opened the door for many nights of staying over.

****

It’s the start of their holiday break, exams and last-minute papers are finally over and done with. To celebrate, Calum is making Rose a pasta dish at her apartment while she drinks the second dirty Shirley that he made her.

She’s sat on one of the barstools, cheek in hand, admiring the way his shoulders flex and roll while he chops up some greens to put in the sauce. Her eyes move with the motion of his arm as he grabs his own beer, then her eyes watch his lips touch the lip of the bottle.

How is she enchanted by the simplest tasks he does?

“You’re drooling,” he interrupts her thoughts.

Rose sits up straight, instinctively wiping her mouth then glares at him.

“I am not,” she pouts then takes a hearty sip of her cocktail. The sweet cherry juice and bite of the vodka and sprite tickles her taste buds as Calum laughs. He scrapes the greens into the pot with the knife then moves in front of her across the counter.

He leans on his forearms, beer bottle in between his hands, while he stares at her with those brown eyes that make her even weaker now that she’s been drinking. He bites down on his lower lip as he reaches his hand up, his thumb swipes on her bottom lip.

“You are drooling, Rosie. I don’t blame you, I’m a hot chef,” he smiles, eyes twinkling.

“Can I kiss the chef, or do I have to wait until after dinner?”

“Mmm,” he pretends to think it over while inching closer to her across the countertop. She moves with him, his hand cups her cheek and their noses bump together. “I’ll allow it.”

When their lips touch, she can’t help but sigh at the softness and his tongue is quick to slip into her mouth so he can taste more of the cherries from her drink. Rose cards her fingers in his thick hair, nails rubbing at his scalp while his thumb caresses her cheek.

Her oven lets out a loud beep, breaking their kiss to announce that it’s heated for the garlic bread. Calum and Rose are heated as well, she gives him three more quick kisses before he resumes his culinary duties and she resumes her admiration.

“So, there’s a party tomorrow night and the guys are going to be there,” he says while they’re eating at the counter. Rose has her legs across his knees, his hand rests comfortably on top of them while he eats.

“I sense an ‘and’ coming,” she smiles twirling her fork in the noodles.

“And I was wondering if you’d want to come and meet them,” he finishes.

Rose lowers her noodle filled fork to look his way, he has a soft smile and hope in his eyes.

“Really? You want me to meet them?” she asks, excitedly leaning closer to him.

“Yeah. I talk about you all the time and if I don’t bring you with me tomorrow then they might literally kill me.”

“I can’t have that,” she shakes her head and laughs. “I’d love to meet them.”

****

Calum can tell Rose is nervous in the way she keeps chewing on her lower lip. She’s bouncing around her apartment gathering her things and Calum watches her fondly until she stops at her dresser to slide on some bracelets. He uses that as an opportunity to stand behind her, she jumps when she turns around and sees him right there.

“Hey, you’ll chew your lip right off and what will I kiss, then, hm?” he asks massaging her lip carefully with his thumb.

“What if they think I’m weird?” she’s pouting now, eyes full of worry.

“They like weird,” he grins then takes her hand to kiss her fingers. “It’s going to be fine. You’re my girl and they’re going to love you.”

When they arrive at the party hand in hand (Rose has a death grip on him) he weaves her through the other people in attendance. He spots the boys near the back of the bar where the couches are, and he points. He feels her suck in a breath and he kisses her temple.

“Cal!” they all shout as the couple gets closer.

The three Australian men stand from their seats giving him hugs and handshakes while Rose cowers behind his back. She’s finding comfort in the coolness of Calum’s leather jacket until he pulls her forward, hand still firm in hers.

“Guys, this is Rose,” Calum introduces, his smile proud as he gazes at her. “Rosie, these are the guys, Michael, Luke and Ashton.”

The use of her nickname calms her down a little and then all three of his best friends give her warm hugs, too. She says a quiet hello back as they all settle down onto the couch again. Calum orders their drinks and she’s hoping the alcohol will give her a confidence boost.

Rose finds herself liking Calum’s three best friends the more they talk and joke with Calum. She even notices that all their accents get a little more pronounced the more they talk with each other and share stories. She laughs the loudest when Calum and Ashton join in a banter together.

She chimes in when she can, but otherwise she just loves watching Calum interact with them. It’s a side of him she’s never seen until now, but she loves it. She can see how much he loves them.

“So, Rose,” Ashton starts, a pompous yet teasing tone to his voice, “is it true that Calum messed up your first date?”

“I’m gonna kill you mate,” Calum threatens and Rose giggles, squeezing his arm.

“He didn’t mess it up. It went a little off course but how we met was like that, too. He did steal my book and all,” she teases and pinches his cheek.

“You stole mine, too,” he chuckles leaning into her, his eyes darting between her lips and eyes. “Amongst other things you stole.”

Rose’s stomach flips and all she can do in response is smile. He kisses her quickly just as a woman’s voice breaks apart their moment.

“Sorry I’m late guys, work was killer. Oh! Is this Rose? Cal, she’s gorgeous! Hi, I’m Ruby.”

Rose takes Ruby’s outstretched hand, a little taken aback at her energy but appreciative at the same time for it. Ruby is Ashton’s soulmate and Rose can see exactly how perfect they are for each other.

“Rose. Nice to meet you,” Rose smiles kindly.

“Hey Rube,” Calum grins.

“I’m stealing your girl so I can get to know her better. We’ll be back, boys,” Ruby announces pulling Rose off the couch. She blows a kiss to Ashton who is used to her antics by now.

“Be nice!” Calum calls watching them head to the bar.

“I’m always nice!” Ruby shouts back then gives Rose a warm smile. “I’m so happy we finally get to meet. I remember Calum talking about you before you even met the first time, he was so in love with your poetry book.”

“It’s not my own poetry book, but I wrote in it sometimes,” Rose shrugs.

“It’s yours,” Ruby nods affirmatively then flags down the bartender. “Two lemon shots please, you like those right?”

“Yeah, I love them,” Rose smiles.

After the girls took their shots, Rose is feeling even more comfortable with Calum’s friends. Soon enough, she’s cracking jokes and singing along to the music that’s playing. Calum is elated that his best friend soulmates and his true love soulmate are getting along so well. He doesn’t even try to be inconspicuous as he kisses her in front of all these people, especially his friends.

*****

The rain pours consistently against her building, it sounds like large handfuls of rice hitting the glass of her windows. It’s a calming sound that almost mimics the ocean waves while she and Calum are atop her bed reading their poetry books. It’s a quiet night in and while she’s getting lost in the words on her page, a loud crack of thunder erupts outside causing Rose to jump and drop her book.

“It’s just thunder baby,” Calum grins at her and she glares at him.

“I hate thunderstorms.”

“Let me read to you, c’mere,” he shifts on her bed and she scoots closer to him.

From shoulder to feet, they’re touching, and she listens aptly to the low rasp of his voice. Through the rain it sounds even more sultry than normal and makes goosebumps form on her skin. While he reads Michael Faudet’s poem, she takes his hand in hers.

‘You took my hand in yours.’

While he reads of the author commentating on his lover’s actions, Rose follows along perfectly.

‘Guiding my fingers beneath the hem of your panties.’

Calum swallows harshly as she drags his hand beneath the hem of her cotton shorts, leading his fingers between her legs. When he touches her, they both stop. They both turn their heads and stare into each other’s eyes.

“Keep going,” she blinks at him innocently while her fingers are making his do the opposite of innocent.

Calum turns back to the page.

“’Showing me exactly how you want to be touched— ‘” she makes his fingers circle around her clit and his breath catches. “’—like a ballerina in the spotlight doing a slow pirouette.’”

He tosses the book away as soon as he finishes the last word of the poem, his mouth on hers while his fingers dance between her legs. Thunder rumbles and Rose squeaks when he teases his finger inside her opening.

He shifts his weight removing his hand so she’s in between his thighs. When he deepens the kiss by slipping his tongue in her mouth, Rose moves her hands over his shoulders and down to his waist. She places her hands under his shirt to glide over the soft, warm skin of his back. Her actions make his shirt ride up.

“What’re you tryin’ to do?” he teases playfully, teeth pulling on her lower lip.

“Take this off,” she huffs, and he pulls back to look in her eyes. She tugs on his shirt again.

Calum leans back on his knees and she follows him into a sitting position as if an invisible string has them connected. Rose watches him tug his shirt off. The movement tousles his hair slightly; he licks his lips moving forward but Rose stops him with her hand on his chest.

“What--?”

“Shh,” she hushes. Her eyes drink him in; his dark tattoos and smooth skin over his tight muscles that she can’t help but run her hands over.

Calum watches her with growing lust. He’s getting drunk off the way she’s looking at him and the way her hands feel that are now on his waist.

“How are you real?” she whispers, eyes looking up at him and he smiles.

His eyes lower to her lips before darting back to her eyes. “I was just thinking the same thing. Want to join me in the no shirt party?” but his fingers are already working on the buttons of her pajama shirt. She helps him by undoing the last buttons on the bottom, then pulls her arms out of the sleeves. Calum tosses the fabric to the end of the bed.

His eyes devour her, and it makes Rose’s belly burn insatiably until his mouth is on her neck, suckling and kissing the skin. His hand cups her left breast right away, his thumb stroking over her nipple before he removes his lips from her neck so he can suckle on the other breast. She sighs in his ear as his tongue flicks the hardened bud.

“Mm,” she moans quietly, and she falls back against her pillows, his mouth still attached to her breast as he falls with her.

He shifts his head over to the other one now, his thumb now brushing the underside as his mouth sucks on this breast. She’s plump and perfect in his hand and mouth. He releases her breast with a pop before kissing the space between her breasts and back up to her lips.

“Was that okay?” he asks around her mouth, the chain of his necklace knocks against her collarbone. The contrast of his warm mouth and cool bite of the chain electrifies her.

“Mhm, felt good,” she smiles scratching her nails down his sideburns.

They continue kissing, his hand travels down her waist and over her hip so he can pull her leg up over his waist, he wants her as close as possible. When he places his lips on her neck again, she huffs into his hair while he makes a mark. He’s surprised that she’s leading his hand in between her legs again.

Calum’s hesitant at first, not wanting to cross any lines, so he keeps his hand there while he kisses on her neck. It isn’t until she starts rubbing herself with his hand that he begins to circle his fingers over her core.

“Can I?” he asks trailing his fingers back under her cotton shorts and the waistline of her panties.

“Mmm, yes,” she exhales, and it makes him shiver.

His fingers slide between her folds until he finds her clit. Her body jolts at his touch and he grins against her neck feeling how wet she is. He rubs slow circles against her clit and Rose gyrates her hips with his motions, her breath becoming more ragged.

He wants to see her face, so he lifts his head up to gaze at her and she’s so beautiful. She’s biting her lip even as it trembles, her thighs trembling as well with his motions.

“You’re so pretty, baby,” he sighs and teases her hole with the tip of his finger just like before. Rose releases her lip from her teeth with a gasp, her body exhales. “Does that feel good?”

“Yes, yes,” she practically whines, eyes clenched shut and Calum teases her again, adding a bit more of his finger this time.

“D’you want more?”

Her fingers are in his hair now as she nods, forcing her eyes open to look at him. “Please, Cal, I want more.”

He inserts his finger slowly, feeling how snug she is and pumps his finger halfway a few times to gather her arousal. Once his finger is nice and slick, he pushes in all the way and she’s gasping, pulling on his hair. He rests his forehead onto hers, watching her mouth open and close soundlessly as he rotates his finger inside of her.

She’s warm and soft, and he can only imagine what she’d feel like around his dick.

He slips his other finger in as well and she cries out his name. Rose is rocking her hips against his hand as he slides and scissors his fingers in and out at the perfect speed, curling and swirling them each time.

“Ooh, I’m almost . . . don’t stop, please,” she begs breathlessly, and Calum obeys.

He feels her about to cum, the satisfying squelch of his fingers thrusting in and out of her is increasing as her orgasm approaches.

“So warm, baby,” he breathes, and he feels her clench around his fingers. “So pretty when you moan for me, am I making you feel good? Yeah? You almost there, for me? C’mon, I can feel you. . ..”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” she chants and holds him tightly against her chest as she comes.

He feels her body go rigid in pleasure, short gasps burst from her lips and he watches her come undone hungrily. When her body relaxes and her legs fall away, he stops his movements and removes his fingers slowly. He examines them in the lowlight, glistening with her juices and with his eyes locked on hers, he inserts them in his mouth.

It’s the perfect mixture of salty and sweet, his ocean and rose girl.

To his surprise, Rose pulls his fingers from his mouth and without batting an eye, slips them between her own lips. He feels her tongue swirl up and around his fingers, licking herself off him.

“Shit, that’s so hot,” he grunts. With his fingers still suctioned between her lips, she wiggles out of her shorts and underwear, tossing them to the side. “I have an idea.”

“Okay,” she whispers removing her mouth from his digits.

She kisses the pads delicately before he stretches down and grabs his book. He hands it to her and scoots lower on the bed, smirking while he kisses down her belly. “Open up,” he tells her and as she opens the book, he spreads her legs. “Read to me.”

Her head is swimming with the erotic act that he’s doing but she does as he says and starts to read. Calum starts off slow with soft kisses on the inside of her thighs because he’s listening to the way her voice shakes. When she turns the page, he fully dives in with his mouth suctioning to her folds and Rose gasps. Her voice shakes more, and her legs are quick to follow while Calum creates his own poem with his tongue and lips.

He eats her out slowly and with intense care. He nips and sucks in just the right formation. Rose stops reading and starts moaning, her body curves upward in pleasure. Calum’s palm is flat on her belly while the other is hooked around her thigh to keep her body open for him. He hums against her as he feels her stomach tighten and he licks at her faster, she sucks in a breath and holds it while she basks in her orgasm.

Calum is hypnotized by the rise and fall of her breasts as she gathers her breath, he tongues at her lazily before removing his mouth. With the shadows on her face from the rain falling down her windows, it looks like she’s been crying, but he knows it would be tears of pleasure if it were real.

Rose drags him back up her body, her mouth hot and urgent on his.

“I want you,” she sighs into his mouth, her hand cups the bulge under his sweatpants.

“I want you too,” he nibbles on her lip. They’re both scrambling to remove the last article of clothing he’s wearing, and she reaches into her drawer pulling out a condom.

Noses touching, eyes locked, he pushes himself inside her, both moaning at the intense feeling of the stretch. Their breath is hot as he settles his hips against hers. He fills her completely then pulls back so he can create a steady rhythm and to hopefully hear her moans again.

Rose moans instantly, her fingers trailing up and down his back while he rocks her world. Her head tilts back and he uses the opportunity to kiss on her sweet neck, she tastes like roses and rainwater. Their heads become dizzy as his thrusts become faster and faster.

Sequentially, she screams his name just as the thunder rumbles loudly and as he’s reached his own high. It shakes the framework of the building and when he collapses on top of her, neither one can tell if the thunder or their lovemaking shook the world.

****

The next morning, Calum woke Rose up with breakfast in bed complete with French toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, and a glass of orange juice. Rose is amazed at his gesture and they share the breakfast together while exchanging small pillow talk.

“You really are a great chef,” she compliments as they finish the last bite.

“Thank you,” he grins then discards the plates onto her nightstand. When he turns back around, he captures her lips in a sweet, syrupy kiss that he quickly deepens and makes her heart race. “Care to join me for a shower?”

“Yes please,” she smiles on his lips and kisses him once more. “Why don’t you go get it started, I’ll be in in a minute.”

“Don’t be too long, Rosie.”

Rose is left a little stunned as he slips from the bed and walks to her bathroom completely naked. He’s perfect from every angle. When the bathroom door closes, she scrambles for her black notebook and writes furiously on the page before skipping into the bathroom to join a wet Calum under the stream of warm water.

Since the night they shared together, Rose has been itching to share what she wrote in her notebook but it’s not that common for soulmates to use the ‘L’ word. The logic behind the reasoning does make sense, but if you’re soulmates there’s really no need to say those three little words.

Those three little words that are only written about and acted out in movies. Those three little words hold a different kind of weight, a different form of finality in the construct of soulmates. It’s been eating away at her for the last three days on whether she should just show him the poem.

Calum has tried to get what’s bothering her out of her, but Rose is stubborn and tells him it’s nothing. Calum is stubborn too but he’s more stubborn in a quieter version. He watches her actions, pinpoints her voice when it gets too high and notices how often her eyes glance to her book beside her bed.

She’s shown him her poetry in there before, but he hasn’t seen her write in it lately. While she’s fixing her make-up in the bathroom before going on a double date with Ashton and Ruby, Calum breaks his own moral code of privacy and opens her book. He flips through it until he gets to the last page she wrote in; he won’t look at anything else.

He begins to read:

‘Dancing in the moonlight while floorboards creak and hearts race, a moment frozen in time measured through the saxophone notes and rain patters against the windows. The smell of roses in her hair while rainwater grows their love right before their eyes in the palm of their hands it blooms and flourishes, growing, growing, growing.’

He’s speechless. This is clearly about their first date but that was nearly nine months ago, and she wrote the ‘L’ word. Does she want to say it to him? Did she know on their first date that she felt that precise word for him?

His mind is racing because even Ashton and Ruby haven’t said the ‘L’ word to each other. But he and Rose aren’t like them, what they feel and the connection they have runs deeper than the normal soulmate scenario. He felt it the first time their pinkies touched. He felt it when he looks in her eyes.

The door opens and Rose steps out, gasping when she sees what’s in his hands. Instead of anger for going through it, she feels embarrassment that he found it. She feels more naked and vulnerable under his gaze. Her throat is dry, but she still wants to try and rectify her slip up.

“I can explain,” she starts, fingers twisting together in nerves. Calum stares at her. “I wrote that the first night we slept together, it was just words in my mind that I needed to get out and I—”

Calum drops her book to the bed and gathers her in his arms in one swoop, one heartbeat of time. He kisses her with everything he has in him, her lips taste like cherries and she smells like roses and rainwater. His favorite smell. Rose gasps into the kiss but kisses him back with fervor, she untangles her fingers and clutches onto his leather jacket.

“You don’t have to explain, sweetheart,” he murmurs.

“I don’t?”

“No, because I’ve been thinking and feeling the same thing.”

“You have?” she gulps, staring up at him under her long lashes.

“Yes, silly girl,” he grins cupping her cheeks in his hands. His eyes never stray from hers and his voice doesn’t falter, “I love you, too.”

Rose smiles as she feels a new kind of warmth grow inside her, it’s a glowing type of warm that she knows won’t fade in time. It hovers inside her and she feels as if it’s waiting to latch onto something.

“I love you,” she tells him and that warm glow bursts out of her and right into Calum. She swears she saw it and the way he gasps makes her think he saw it too or is feeling it now inside him.

“Did you feel that?” he asks, his eyes widening, and she can see that glow burning inside his irises.

“I still feel it,” she nods sliding her hand up his stomach and onto his chest. “But I feel it in here,” she presses her hand right over his heart.

“I do too. Loving you is easy to do.”

They kiss and revel in this newfound feeling from saying those three words, it’s as if their kisses are sealing an unspoken vow to say them as much as they can. They were fifteen minutes late to dinner but when Calum traced ‘I ♡ U’ on the back of her hand, she decides that fifteen minutes was well worth it.

• • • •

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#calum hood oneshot #calum hood fluff #calum hood smut #calum hood fanfic #calum 5sos #calum smut #calum fluff #soulmate!au #soulmate!calum #5sos writing #5sos fanfi

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pmeofficial · 3 years

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The Sixteen Deadliest Tik Tok challenges Ever (DailyDot)

So, it’s not everyday a social media platform run by Chinese people and designed to basically duplicate snap chat, except video only, becomes popular, in fact tik tok is so popular, that it has millions of users, well, TikTok has 689 million monthly active users, whereas its twin Douyin (China’s version of TikTok) has 600 million daily active users. Combined, the TikTok/Douyin apps have over 1.29 billion monthly active users in 141 countries. Still, dumb, clout chasing teenagers have claimed this beloved social media sensation for themselves, however, clout is deadly, literally, people die from TikTok challenges, but hey, don’t take our word for it, check out the 16 dealiest tikrok challenges, with a 101% chance of decimating the insurance you wasted on your kids

The choking challenge Anything that involves choking a friend—or yourself—into near-unconsciousness is, unsurprisingly, ill-advised. Considering this is the very idea behind the choking challenge, it’s safe to say that anyone and everyone should steer clear of this particular trend.

This challenge, in one form or another, has been around for a long time. Teens have been partially strangling themselves for decades, just to feel the brief euphoria that follows that first, desperate gasp of air. The game ebbs and flows in terms of popularity but reached its viral zenith in 2017. Since then, the dangerous challenge has cropped up on various social media platforms, including TikTok. Risks of participating in the choking challenge are pretty much what you’d expect. Do it too long, and participants risk loss of brain cells, permanent brain damage and even death.

The condom challenge Another challenge that can lead to asphyxiation, the condom challenge hasn’t been around nearly as long as the choking game. This dangerous TikTok challenge requires a condom, some water, and at least two willing participants.

Performing the challenge is simple: One person fills the condom with water and drops it over the second person’s head. Thanks to the durability of most condoms, the dropped water “balloon” rarely pops. This means that many people participating in this challenge end up with an airtight seal over their noses and mouths. Bad idea.

The fire challenge You might be wondering why anyone would ever participate in something called the fire challenge. Clearly, you don’t remember being a teenager. Most common among younger users, the fire challenge is exactly as dangerous as it sounds—which has in no way stopped people from attempting it.

Performing the challenge is as simple and foolish as you might assume. Participants douse a portion of their body—usually the chest or hands—with a flammable liquid. Then they light it up and record the effects, which often lead to first- or second-degree burns. Videos of badly burned teenagers are all over the web thanks to this particular viral challenge.

The skullbreaker challenge The skullbreaker challenge is another fresh viral craze that, to most, seems completely ridiculous. The challenge has already proven itself immensely dangerous after a Venezuelan teen reportedly ended up in the ICU. Authorities have issued warnings about this particular trend, but that won’t stop some from attempting it.

You need at least three people to perform the skullbreaker challenge. All three stand in a row—in front of the camera, of course—and jump. The two on either side jump first, simultaneously, followed by the person in the center. When the center person’s feet leave the ground, however, their companions knock their feet out from under them. This typically leads to the middle person crashing backward to the ground, often striking their head in the process. It’s in the name, people: You can literally break your skull doing this. So don’t.

The outlet challenge One of social media’s newest trends, the outlet challenge is also one of the more dangerous TikTok challenges we’ve seen. This viral sensation can easily result in electrical system damage, fires, and electric shock.

To perform the—extremely inadvisable—outlet challenge, people use a phone charger partially plugged into the wall. Then they touch a penny to the exposed prongs, creating a large spark. The challenge has already caused property damage at a high school in Massachusetts. Thankfully, the teens weren’t injured, but if this challenge keeps up for much longer, someone will doubtless get hurt.

The hot water challenge Another dangerous challenge that can lead to severe burns and injury, the hot water challenge has been around for a while. Back in 2017, in fact, an 8-year-old girl died after attempting a version of this trend. The new version, which is just as dangerous, has been cropping up online.

The old version of the challenge involved drinking boiling water through a straw. The revamped challenge more often features participants pouring boiling water on themselves or their friends. Unsurprisingly, it has led to some serious injuries. One teen, whose friend poured boiling water on him while he slept, told Fox 59 that his skin “just fell off my chest.”

The snorting challenge Some of these challenges are supremely dangerous. Others are upsettingly disgusting. The snorting challenge has the unfortunate privilege of being both. It involves snorting a foreign object—usually a condom—up your nose and pulling it out of your mouth. *shudder*

This dangerous TikTok challenge, like many others on this list, is nothing new. It has cropped up multiple times over the last few decades, but in the age of doing dumb shit for followers, it has reemerged. When this challenge goes wrong, it can result in infection or damage to the lining of the nasal passage, CBS News reported. In really bad cases, it has the potential for choking, which could cause far more severe issues. Even when nothing goes wrong, it looks painful and extremely uncomfortable, so… why?

Ghost pepper challenge If you’re a big fan of hot food, the ghost pepper challenge—also called the hot pepper challenge—might be right up your alley. Blessedly less dangerous than many of its fellows, the ghost pepper challenge has nonetheless resulted in some major side effects among its participants.

Participation in this challenge merely requires that you locate and consume a hot pepper that lands high on the Scoville scale and upload your reaction online. Usually, people select between ghost, cayenne, and habanero peppers. The majority of people manage to walk away from this challenge unscathed, thankfully, but ghost peppers are nothing to mess with. Medical Daily reported in 2016 that a 47-year-old California man was hospitalized after he ate a ghost pepper–pureed hamburger during a local eating contest and ended up continuously vomiting and experiencing an esophageal rupture.

Pass out challenge Anytime a person passes out, it has the potential for negative side effects. Teens, however, are all over the trend of forcing themselves to pass out. Rather than partially asphyxiate themselves—like in the choking challenge—this dangerous TikTok challenge just involves swaying your head repeatedly from side to side.

Based on the TikTok attempts at the challenge, it seems to work. Unfortunately, a number of risks go along with successfully knocking yourself out—including simply falling and injuring yourself.

Concussion challenge Doesn’t this just sound like a great idea? The concussion challenge, also referred to as the “how to get a concussion” challenge, has been making the rounds on TikTok for several months now.

This utterly idiotic TikTok challenge requires a group. All the participants stand in a circle around the camera, which faces upward. Facing down, foolish teens then throw an object—which has ranged from a basketball to tricycles and ladders—into the air above their heads. The “challenge” is to stay put, risking a concussion when the object comes hurtling back to Earth. Why? Just… why?

The honorable mentions of dangerous challenges: These challenges came around before TikTok made its global launch, but that doesn’t make them any less dangerous or worthy of a spot on this list. Absolutely idiotic, sometimes deadly and always painful, the internet is clogged with far too many of these viral challenges.

The Tide Pod challenge We’ve likely all heard of the Tide Pod challenge. It swept the nation in early 2018, making headlines across the country. In case you were wondering, consuming soap in any form, no matter how colorful, is not a good idea. Complications from ingesting Tide Pods has led to serious health issues.

The Tide Pod challenge, as far as anyone can tell, started with a joke. Memes and jests about Tide Pods’ pretty colors and candy-like appeal were around long before people were downing the product itself. Then, people started doing just that. Younger YouTube users, in particular, fell victim to this ill-advised trend. Videos of teens and pre-teens eating laundry detergent packets briefly drenched the web before the pressing dangers of this challenge became common knowledge.

The blue whale challenge Despite the clear danger, a few of the challenges on this list might seem tempting to try out. The blue whale challenge, which has allegedly been linked to deaths on far too many occasions, is not one of them. The actual number of deaths that can be attributed to this viral trend is questionable—some speculate it’s simply an internet hoax—but its brief time in the spotlight terrified parents nationwide.

The blue whale challenge is, to put it simply, a suicide challenge. Participants are given 50 tasks to complete over 50 days. The tasks, which begin as rather benign, gradually increase in danger. To complete the challenge, anyone taking part must ultimately kill themselves. Similar challenges have cropped up over the years, but few garnered as much attention as the blue whale challenge.

The Kylie lip challenge Loads of online tutorials outline methods to mimic Kylie Jenner’s enviable look. Usually, this involves contouring and the careful application of makeup. Back in 2015, however, a very different method arose to try to imitate the young model’s full lips.

The Kylie lip challenge skyrocketed to popularity, mostly thanks to how easy it was to pull off. All participants needed was a small jar, cup, or shot glass. Placing the cup over their lips, they then created a vacuum by sucking all of the air out of the space. The intended result was puffy, pouty lips similar to Jenner’s. More commonly, people ended up with bruises and torn skin and risked permanent scarring.

The cinnamon challenge Remember planking? Ah what an innocent, mostly safe internet trend. Since the days of planking, viral challenges have gone from dumb to painful to dangerous and worse. The cinnamon challenge may seem rather tame on the outside, but don’t be fooled.

Cinnamon challenge TheButtingHeads/YouTube This challenge first cropped up as early as 2001, but it didn’t reach viral status until 2012. The necessary steps are quite simple. Just eat a spoonful of cinnamon without drinking water. In 60 seconds. All while the camera is running. This challenge lasted a remarkably long time, considering the massive health risks it posed. Participants in the cinnamon challenge were at risk of choking and gagging on the cinnamon in mild cases, and in worse cases inhaling cinnamon could lead to vomiting and scarring of the lungs.

The salt and ice challenge Thankfully, the salt and ice challenge hasn’t been overly popular since 2012. Still, fresh videos of people trying it out are always cropping up, despite multiple reports condemning the practice.

This challenge involves pouring salt onto moist, bare skin and then pressing an ice cube onto the area. Whoever endures the longest emerges victorious, but rarely unscathed. The resulting chemical reaction can lead to frostbite, first- or second-degree burns, and painful blisters. Warnings against participating in this painful challenge have, unsurprisingly, not made much of a difference.

#pain #suffering #dumb #dumb shit #dumb stuff #danger #tiktok #prettymucheverything

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vincent-g-writer · 4 years

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The Silver Screen Savant, pt 2- the Meh, the Bad and The yikes.

Hello Writers!

Last time here on Starry Starry Write, I talked a little about Autism in the media and my personal experiences therein. Today, I’d like to go a little broader, and tackle the topic from a macro perspective.

In recent times, you’ve probably heard “Representation Matters” oft repeated. Especially in prominent talking spaces like social media. But what does that mean, exactly?

Why “Representation Matters,” and how.

The short answer:

Diverse representation in media tells us that everyone has a place in the world. That everyone’s story matters.

The long answer:

It’s no secret that we begin engaging with media at a young age. When I was growing up in the 90’s and 00’s, TV and video games were often the babysitters of my peers. I was one of the few kids in my neighborhood whose parents weren’t divorced. The kids I knew? Not so much. Most of them were raised by single parents, grandparents and of course-the boob tube. I personally prefered books, when my mom wasn’t yelling “it’s too nice out to be holed up in that dark bedroom!”

Now, don’t mistake my preference for some kind of intellectual superiority. I watched plenty of TV too. Besides, books aren’t magically out of the equation. Printed material is our oldest form of media. And- often just as problematic. Though I will say- I saw a much broader range of people on covers adoring library shelves than I ever did titles on a TV roster. But, I digress. The point is: for many of us, consuming media begins at an early time of our life. And that’s where the problem starts. Even in my childhood, where The Magic School Bus, Hey Arnold, and Sesame Street showed people of all kinds, I can point to many that did not. Especially not people like me. Which did me a grave disservice. I didn’t know I was on the spectrum for a long time, and when I finally found out, I was horrified, thanks to what I had seen on TV.

Because media is not only a wonderful way to learn about people that don’t look, act or sound like us. It also informs our ideas of who we are, and what we can be. Whether we like it or not: it shapes how we understand the world. And it doesn’t stop with Childhood.

Time Changes Much, but not all.

Things are better now. Well, a little bit, anyway.

As an adult, I see more people like me on the screen nowadays. Which is nice.

Ish.

Why “ish?” Well…

Frequently, these “noticeably different” characters (read: Autistically coded) are branded “NOT AUTISTIC!” You heard it here first, folks! That one character (insert your favorite) is Totally Not Autistic. Despite being written in a way that gives every indication otherwise.

*Facepalm*

Now for some examples, which we’ll call the “Meh,” “The Bad” and the “Yikes.” For “fun,” we’ll also go into the off-air perceptions of the characters.

The “Meh.”

First on the list is Dr. Spencer Reid, from CBS’s “Criminal Minds.”

Dr. Reid is the youngest member of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit, having joined at the age of 22. He holds three B.A degrees in Sociology, Psychology and Philosophy, as well as three Ph.D’s in Engineering, Chemistry, and Mathematics.

He also has the social skills of a limp dishrag. Wait, what’s that? High Intelligence + Low Social Awareness? Hmmm…Then there’s his restrictive behavioral patterns, obsessive interests, and general “quirkiness!” that we could talk about. But let’s hear a quote from the actor who plays him, Matthew Gray Gubler:

“..an eccentric genius, with hints of schizophrenia and minor autism, Asperger’s Syndrome. Reid is 24, 25 years old with three PH.D.s and one can’t usually achieve that without some form of autism.”

Hoooo-boy. I could go into all the things wrong with this, including why the term “Asperger’s” is both horrific (TW: Eugenics,Ableism, N*zis) and harmful. However, today we’ll simply leave it with the fact that this term is no longer applicable, having been reclassified in 2013 as part of Autism Spectrum disorder.

The “Bad.”

Next up, we have Will Graham, from NBC’s Hannibal.

Like our first example, Will works for the FBI. He’s a gifted criminal profiler with “special” abilities, namely hyper empathy, which allows him to reconstruct the actions and fantasies of the killers he hunts. He’s intellectually gifted, hates eye contact, socializing, and prefers to spend…most of his time…alone.

Oh dear. Haven’t we been here before? But, I mean, he doesn’t have Autism! The show runner says so!

For Will Graham, there’s a line in the pilot about him being on the spectrum of autism or Asperger’s, and he’s neither of those things. He actually has an empathy disorder where he feels way too much and that’s relatable in some way. There’s something about people who connect more to animals than they do to other people because it’s too intense for whatever reason.

You can’t see me right now, but I’m cringing. A lot. This is just…ugh. I mean, for starters, I know a handful of autistic people who struggle with hyper empathy, which can make social situations overwhelming and hard to navigate. In fact, I happen to be one of them. Plus, there’s a cool little thing about how, frequently, people on the spectrum more readily identify with animals. But, y’know. Who am I to say? I’m just someone, one of many, who’s dealt with this my whole life.

Now, onto the “Yikes.”

*sigh*

And finally, we have BBC’s Sherlock, a modern adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s renowned “consulting” detective, and probably the most famous fictional character of all time.

Now, I’ll start by saying that the BBC incarnation is not the first to be Spectrum labeled. In fact, Sherlock was my childhood hero, and the first “person” I saw referred to this way. My aunt, an avid reader herself, casually remarked to a friend “I’ve always wondered if Holmes is Autistic,” after I came yammering on about how fantastic the books were. Had I not been champing at the bit to get back to my reading, I might have asked her what that meant.

I also believe this fandom driven speculation is why many detective type characters (see above) are often coded as Autistic, intentionally or otherwise.

In this New York Times article, Lisa Sanders, M.D. describes Holmes traits:

He appears oblivious to the rhythms and courtesies of normal social intercourse — he doesn’t converse so much as lecture. His interests and knowledge are deep but narrow. He is strangely “coldblooded,” and perhaps as a consequence, he is also alone in the world.

Now, before we go any father, let me take a moment to defend his creator. During the time Sir Arthur Conan Doyle first created his most famous work, Autism was not known. That isn’t to say it didn’t exist. We’ve always existed. In fact, it’s now believed that the Changeling Myth, a common European folk story, was a way to explain Autism. In one telling (there are a few) children displaying “intelligence beyond their years” and “uncanny knowledge” were imposters, traded out by Fae creatures for offspring of their own. Children believed to be “Changlings,” regretfully, often came to a bad end. A chilling reminder that the stories we tell impact our real lives.

So while Autism was at least somewhat recognized, it did not become its own official diagnosis until 1943.

Meanwhile, Sherlock Holmes was first published in 1892. Now, as a writer who often draws from my personal reality, I imagine Doyle probably “wrote what he knew,” which is to say, acquainted with one or more Autistic people, he used them as inspiration.

On the other hand…

BBC’s Sherlock first aired in 2010. And while one might argue that the writers simply capitalized on the Autistic fan-theory, or took already available traits and exaggerated them for their version… they left a lot to be desired. Autism aside, this new Sherlock is…well…an asshole. Narcissistic, abusive and egocentric (to name a few) he sweeps his caustic behavior under the rug of “high functioning sociopath,” and blytly ignores the consequences.

Which is a major problem. Because while doing this, he’s still “obviously” (at least in the Hollywood sense) Autistic. In my previous post, where I said some characters are “too smart™, and logical© to ever have feelings, friends or empathy,” this is what I meant.

This is bad. We’re looping right back to Representation Matters. Bad representation, and the navigating of such, is just as important for writers to think about as good representation. Maybe even moreso. Because bad representation paints real people into cardboard, stereotyped people-shaped things. It otherizes. And it’s harmful. You would not believe the people I’ve met assume I’m not Autistic because I’m not an egotistical jerk. Why? Because they watched, you guessed it, BBC Sherlock.

Confession time:

Now here’s my little secret:

I love all of these characters. They are some of my favorite on tv. Why? Because for good or ill, I recognize myself in them. Finally, I can turn on the TV, and see myself. Or, somewhat, anyway.

My favorite character out of this list? Loath though I am to admit it… Is Sherlock. See, what those well meaning folks didn’t know (the ones who say I’m I’m “too nice,” to be Autistic) is… well, if we’re being honest, I wasn’t always nice. A few years ago, I was that guy. I was a jerk because I thought I was the smartest person in the room. Which is really not a good look. In fact, sitting down and watching the first season of sherlock, (around three or four years after it came out) made me realize how much of a jerk I actually was.

There are other things there too. Things that tie me to all these characters, that I didn’t list. But that’s for another today.

For now, I’d like to add a caveat or two:

1) I’ve watched all the shows listed above, and adore them. As I mentioned, Sherlock is my favorite. He’s also the one I’ve watched the most (Repeatedly, in fact. Whoops.) and I recognize it’s not all bad. In the end, he learned to treat people better (somewhat) and certainly became more human over time. And, there are other deeply problematic elements of the show I’d like to tackle, eventually.

*cough* Queerbating! *cough*

2) I’m well aware that the above cases are all thin, white, able bodied, “straight” males. But I chose these characters for a couple of reasons. One, they’re the most prominent type on TV. Again, we loop back around to representation, and why we need more positive, diverse examples of it.

And finally-

3) In my last post, I mentioned I’d give some “good” instances of Hollywood Autism trope. But I didn’t exactly do that. Partially, because half way through, I thought…perhaps…I’m not the best to judge what might be a good Autistic character. I mean, I’m sure someone will read this and think my current aforementioned characters are fine. Heck! They might even argue my perception here, and say the characters are just fine. I accept that. In my life, both on and off the page, I recognize that I cannot, should not (and don’t want to) speak for an entire community.

Because of this, I cannot tell you how to write a “good” Autistic character, or what media is “acceptable.” I can’t even really tell you what a bad character is. Sure, I have a lot of opinions about it. But- if you’re on the spectrum and like and identify with the above? That’s fine. I mean, even with all the problems I noted (and some I didn’t) I certainly do.

On the other hand, if you’re a writer, and you want to write a character from this (or any, for that matter) community you aren’t part of, I caution you.

Do your research. Preferably from multiple credible sources.

Talk to people on the spectrum about what it’s really like. (Though try to steer clear of asking for emotional labor.You could, say, hop on reddit and ask the community there, for instance, which is a no pressure way to obtain potentially decent info.)

Finally, whatever you do, remember this-

Autistic people can look like anyone. We can act, and think and be different, like anyone. We are real, living, breathing people. Not robots, not sob stories, not tropes. People. So if you write about us, write us like people. And your work will be all the better for it.

-Your Loving Vincent

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