#there are other things too but I'm not going to list them here

[demarogue]

Gettin' Through the Holidays Mental Health Tricks

If y'all are anything like me, this time of year is triggering AF. Here are some small, very easy grounding exercises that I was taught by my therapist, basically in order of how much I like them for this rage-inducing season. You make like them in a different order, depending on your rage-to-despair ratio.

Push a wall: literally go up to a wall and try to push it over. Really try. I promise you won't push it over, but give it your best shot. Try to hold it as long as you can, and then take a breather and assess whether you need to repeat. Why it works: This is a quick, physical expulsion of the fight-or-flight feeling. It's a bit like punching a wall, but without the potential to hurt yourself/look scary/damage things. You can even do it in front of people and say you're stretching, they'll never know (unless the wall actually falls down, but this will not happen, I assure you).

Shake like a dog: Animals shake to release stress, and you are also an animal. Setting aside time to just shake it out, as vigorously as you can, arms and legs, face, stick your tongue out, pretend you're shaking like a wet dog. You can dance instead, if that feels better, and you can do this to music, but basically the more unhinged you can be, the better. If you are in a place you can scream, scream too! Why it works: like the above, this is a release of pent-up stress and anxiety. Especially if your rage-to-woe ratio is high, some kind of physical exertion is often the best way to burn through the cortisol and adrenaline you're building up.

Bilateral Tapping: Cross your arms over your chest so that your fingertips are at your shoulders, and slowly tap, one hand at a time, back and forth, for about a minute. Breathe slowly. Why it works: This is weird as hell, but because this engages both sides of your brain, it helps override the activity of the amygdala, which is the part of your brain that Makes The Fear. If you're being literally triggered in a situation, i.e. you're having a trauma response, or reliving some family trauma, this is a good one.

Box Breathing: From a comfortable position (can really be seated, laying down or standing), inhale slowly for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, then repeat. You can do it for shorter counts or longer counts, but if you vary the counts make sure the exhale is longer than the inhale. You can close your eyes or leave them open. Why it works: This exercise helps you move from a sympathetic (activated) nervous system response to a parasympathetic (balanced) response. I do this one every day, and it's a good gateway to meditation. Especially helpful in anxious or tense situations, but I find if I'm very triggered I need one of the other ones first, or it can make anxiety worse. Breathwork is amazing but not usually as a first exercise if you're very activated, or have been activated a long time.

Ice: Lots of ways to do this one – hands in cold water for 30 seconds, ice pack on the back of your neck, dip your entire face into a bowl of ice water (this one's the most effective). Why it works: I kinda think this is hilarious, but this activates your mammalian dive reflex. It immediately slows your heart-rate, so if you are feeling your blood pressure and heart rate rising, this one is very good. The only reason this one's at the bottom of my list is because I hate being cold.

I wish you all a very get-through-the-holidays-without-hurting-yourself. Take time alone if you need it.

[alexandraisyes]

500 FOLLOWERS

Wow. 500 of you. That number feels surreal, especially after everything these past few months. (Don't scroll away there's a surprise at the bottom of the post.)

In July, I faced harassment over a rumor about being hired as a TSAMS writer. In August and September, it escalated—stalking, harassment, and widespread slander over SolarNexus, a ship I don’t even ship. October brought betrayal as someone I trusted turned out to be a predator, slandering our friend group, faking their death, and running away upon confrontation. Last month, I had to take a stand against someone sharing NSFW with minors, leading to more slander and harassment.

Now it’s December, and honestly, fandom discourse feels inevitable. But you know what? I don’t care.

This community has been so supportive to me throughout this. I have grown close with friends, made new ones, and gained so many supporters and I don't know how to say thank you enough. I've reached so many of my goals for this year, and there's always going to be more work to do.

I'm starting a new fic. I'm updating my old ones. I'm making art for a voice actor. I'm a mod in the community server. And I'm finally working on a project again that I started in August.

I’ve been really hesitant to show this project off on main, beyond reblogging things here and there. I won’t reveal which character I specifically play—though it probably wouldn’t be hard to guess.

This project started as a way to support the mod who plays Lunar, who was receiving harassment simply for enforcing their boundaries. Yes, you read that right—they were harassed because they didn’t want to post negative confessions. When we saw that happening, my friends and I got together, and I said, “Haha, wouldn’t it be so cool if we just made a bunch of confession blogs to dunk on the haters and roleplay and shit?”

Within 24 hours, two new blogs popped up. One hasn’t done anything to hurt me, so I won’t name them, but we all know who they are. The second? Biased-tsams-confessions—a blog that was one of the leading forces behind the harassment I faced in August. They would flip their lid if they knew I was the leading force behind TSBS CVAU and remain its head administrator and manager. Honestly? That makes me even prouder of this project.

Of course, I couldn’t do this alone. A huge thank you to my partner in crime, @lyrical-hue, who has been my rock throughout this journey. They’ve helped smooth out the bumps along the way, making sure I don’t handle everything solo.

I’m so excited to finally share this project with my fanbase publicly. We’re expanding our world and currently looking for new members to join the group! If you’re interested, you can apply here:

Okay so now the real question. How am I celebrating this milestone? The past two times I made a post like this I did a raffle (one of which I'm still finishing the artwork for). This time I'd like to do something different.

I want to make some free emotes for the community. My community. To give back some of the support I've been given.

To be applicable for this, reblog this post with references of your character designs, AU designs, OCs, or sonas. As many as you want. They can be your own characters, or personal designs for preexisting characters. Or even just. Characters. I will literally just take canon designs of characters too. I'll even take requests for my own designs. As you can see there are a LOT of emotes there, so I need a LOT of characters from the community.

RULES:

Characters must be submitted through REBLOGS

You do not get to choose which emote is made, I do, I'm doing this for free after all

You HAVE to be following me, this is an event to celebrate my followers after all.

And uh, yeah that's kinda it. If you want to join the discord you can join here:

[chirpingfromthebox]

An Incredibly Biased Primer to the Minnesota Frost Roster

First of all, you should know that I am by no means a hockey expert. I was never one for playing sports, and most of my hockey knowledge comes from watching MN Wild games back in the days before I got too busy with school and never got back to it. So take what I say with a grain of salt. I like who I like and I don't have any real knowledge of the NCAA nor the lore of women's hockey history. But I love hearing from all the wonderful hockey players, and NCAA fans, and general WoHo historians, and everyone else on here who are so much more knowledgeable than I. (as well as just the other fans like myself).

In any case here is my very biased guide to some of the big names (imho) on the Frost's roster to give any new fans a place to start. Especially because our team is all about the drama and we deserve nice things for daring to ride the chaos coaster.

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Unlike every other hockey player list in the world, I'm not going to start with the Forwards.

Defenders are my favorite and so I'm gonna start with them!

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Defenders

And because this is my list, I'm also gonna start with my favorite player and first in the number order:

Lee Stecklein!

Stecklein is a 6 foot tall master of defense and one of the alternate captains for the Frost (so if you see an "A" on someone's jersey that's what that means). And she has won basically everything there is to win.

An Olympic gold medal? Yes. An NCAA National Championship? 3 of them. An Isobel Cup? Yep. What about an IIHF Championship? U18 or World Championship, you ask? It doesn't matter, because she's done both. She has since retired from the National Team, but was a staple on it for a long time.

After I started watching the PWHL last season she was the player that really caught my eye. Even though the camera wants to follow the action, I am often trying to look at what defenders are doing and I kept noticing #2, because she was always where the opposing offensive wanted to be. You'd swear she can see 5 seconds into the future, because she is just consistently exactly where she needs to be.

And, maybe this is neither here nor there, but I swear she is also just an incredibly graceful skater. Any hockey players out there please confirm or deny this. While a lot of players skate like they're attacking the ice, Stecklein seems to glide across it.

Okay, okay, enough gushing here's some things to note. She had the most penalty minutes of any Frost player last season. But she laughingly claims this was due to refs being inconsistent with where exactly the line was on how league was calling penalties at the beginning. So don't expect her to repeat that distinction.

In terms of defense she often goes under the radar because she's a shutdown defender more than an offensive one. So don't expect her to be racking up points this season. But anytime the Frost is in trouble expect to see her on the ice. She's big, she has incredible hockey sense, and a leading force both on and off the ice for the Frost's defense.

Her skill on defense AND as a leader is a big part of why I think the Frost's defense is something for other teams have to take real seriously.

Sophie Jaques

Jaques was the Patty Kazmaier award winner in 2023. She was part also part of one of the biggest stories of season one: Boston trading Jaques to Minnesota for Susanna Tapani. This was a pretty big deal because Jaques was Boston's 2nd round draft pick and Tapani was Minnesota's 5th round pick! So this was a pretty massive trade.

It was also notable for being a genius move by both teams. Both players went on to really excel on their new teams in ways they hadn't been before. Consider this, during the 7 games she played for Boston she had 0 goals and 0 assists. Then she goes to Minnesota, they have complete faith in her, she starts working with Lee Stecklein, and then in her 15 regular season games with MN she had 2 goals and 8 assists. (She also nearly got the championship winning goal for Minnesota in the Finals, but that's a whole different story.)

Unlike Stecklein, Jaques is an offensive defender. You can expect her to be a part of some big plays and part of the defense line when they want a d-pair with some bite.

Also, if you're like me and sometimes have letters shift around on you a little bit, you should note that there is no "C" in her name and it's pronounced "Jakes."

Claire Thompson

Thompson was our first round draft pick this season. It was also a pick that really fucked up everyone's predictions for the draft. It was generally thought at the time that Minnesota would want to grab Cayla Barnes. Also that it would probably be a Canadian team that went for Thompson as she was part of the Canadian national team that won the World Championship in 2021 and the Olympic Gold in 2022.

My knowledge on her is limited, but from what I do know she's an interesting pick. It was a bit of a gamble by Minnesota because she had taken a year off hockey to study for med school. But from what I've seen from her she was on Team Canada for a reason. A defense player that's also a goal-scoring threat.

She could lead to some really interesting d-pairs this season. Like a hyper offense combo of Jaques and Thomspon? Things could get really spicy there. She could go a long way to giving Minnesota some really interesting ways to utilize their defense this season.

Maggie Flaherty

The best smile on the team. A ray of sunshine. Scored Minnesota's first goal of the playoffs [in game 3!] and stoked the fires to victory. Dances like no one's watching. And a solid defender. She's a delightful human being and will bring you much joy.

-----------------

-----------------

Okay, okay, we can talk about Offense now. Since you INSIST.

Forwards

Kendall Coyne Schofield

Let's start out with our captain and a pivotal figure in the founding of the league. She had recently given birth last season and still managed to lead the team to a championship, so imagine what she'll be able to do now!

She is well known for being fast. She's only 5'2" so between her acceleration and her skating skill, if she slips past the defense she's a hard one to catch. Now a seasoned WoHo veteran she's also capable of being a real play maker. And even though she's small she can fight out a puck from the corners with the best of them.

If I tried to list everything she's done in and for women's hockey we'd be here all day.

She's probably the most serious of the PWHL captains and is the type to speak with her actions more than her words. So you generally won't see her blowing up on social media. She's also my favorite captain to transcribe in interviews because she is incredibly terse.

Taylor Heise

The one, the only, the first ever draft pick in the PWHL! She was out for part of the season for an injury and still managed to be a big goal scorer for Minnesota. When she came back she wasn't playing at her usual level until the playoffs. But if she plays the way she did in the playoffs this season? Oooo, it'll be spicy.

She is currently rocking a knee brace though, but she isn't on the long term injury list? So we'll have to see how she's feeling. Hopefully she avoids further injury this season.

Her talent on the ice in undeniable and she's more than likely a future captain for the team. But trust me, you don't need me to tell you that. Her play will speak for itself when she takes the ice.

What you can't tell from the game footage is that she is one of the most gracious and gregarious members of the team. If you go to any home games this year be on the lookout for her if you head to the autograph table after the game. Even when she isn't on table duty she often comes up to say hi to fans, take pictures, and sign autographs.

Truly just such a friendly and generous person. I have yet to see a fan walk away from her without a big ol' smile on their face.

Also notable for being BFFs with her fellow Frost forward Grace Zumwinkle, who she played with in college.

Grace Zumwinkle

Truly a force of nature.

Heise might get more attention, but don't get it twisted, Zumwinkle is currently the best forward on the team.

Yes, the stats are busted because of Heise's injury. But it's still fact. I don't care. Fight me.

Zummie has the distinction of getting the first hat trick in the PWHL. Which she did in her first game of the season! She was tied with Sarah Nurse for 2nd most goals in the regular season (at 11 goals). She also rightly won the award for rookie of the year. And honestly it wasn't even close. [Emma Maltais fans will disagree here, and I respect their case, she was great too, but they are also wrong. Fight me.]

She was Minnesota's 3rd round draft pick in year one. Darwitz knew that Zum and Heise worked well together and purposefully wanted to get the pair together.

I don't know why, but I feel like a lot of people sleep on Zumwinkle. I rarely hear of her when people are talking about the league powerhouses. But trust me, she's not a player to underestimate.

Her BFF antics with Heise are also a source of great joy and delight to all.

Michela Cava

Cava is an interesting case. She has a laundry list of accolades and championships to her name. She's won the SDHL championship. She's won the ZhHL championship. She's won the PHF championship. And now she's won a PWHL championship too!

She was a solid forward during the regular season. I wouldn't say she really lived up to her full potential, but she was definitely a strong player nevertheless.

But in the playoffs? Oh ho ho! *chef's kiss*

Cava has a bit of a reputation for leaving nothing on the ice when it comes to playoffs. If I'm not mistaken she was actually the playoff MVP for every one of those championships she won before coming to the PWHL? And she went full tilt once again!

Even though Heise ended up winning the Playoff MVP last season Cava tied her for points! [Cava went 4 goals, 4 assists; Heise went 5 goals, 3 assists].

So in a worst case scenario she is a really solid forward. In a best case scenario? She runs over the opposition all season.

Now, as a Frost fan, I'm going to assume that you're at least partially here for the delicious drama. So let me point out to you that last season Cava played on the Frost with her girlfriend Emma Greco. However, this year Greco plays for Boston. Which means any MN v. BOS game will have a little extra spice.

Kelly Pannek

The Frost's other alternate captain.

...I'm sorry...I just looked her up to make sure I had my facts straight and saw something wild and now I need to address it. Apparently she set the state record in high school for quickest hat trick with 3 goals in 22 seconds?? I mean, wtf! That goalie probably still wakes up in a cold sweat some nights from that.

Okay, back on task. Pannek actually played with Lee Stecklein in college for the University of Minnesota [Stecklein was a year ahead of her]. And like Stecklein she has won basically everything there is to win. [This is why her new beer is called "Been There, Won That."]

During last regular season she was 16th in the league in terms of points, so she was definitely in the upper echelon. [for the record Kendall Coyne Schofield was 13th, and Grace Zumwinkle was 7th.]

So definitely expect Pannek to be making things happen this season.

Liz Schepers

Okay, so hear me out.

Yes, Schepers had 0 goals and 3 assists during the regular season. BUT if you want to see what she's capable of just look at the playoffs. She was an absolute menace to Toronto!

In the first 3 goals Minnesota had against them, every single one of them came from a Schepers assist. Another way to say that is that she assisted with every Frost goal of Games 3 and 4. (The team didn't score at all in the first two games, but we won't talk about that)

Who knows what will happen this season. All I'm saying is that if Schepers starts to pop off, I will thoroughly not be surprised.

Also she has an adorable dog named Rookie. So you know, there are multiple reasons to look out for her.

Klára Hymlárová

You'll have to ask someone more familiar with international play knowledge for the scoop here. She was our 3rd round draft pick though and I'm curious to find out what they saw in her. All I know is that she was a top player for the Czech national team. Check out this little article for some more insider knowledge on what she can bring to a team.

I'm dying to see how all these international players are gonna change the play of the game, so I'll be keeping an eye on her and seeing what transpires.

Goalies

Saving the most important position for last: our goalies!

Minnesota was the only team last season to fully embrace a goalie tandem style. Everyone else had their main goalie and tended to only swap them out when they wanted to give them a break. [Except for Ottawa who never wanted to give Maschmeyer a break.]

And this tandem was incredibly effective! So if you too love goalies you're in luck, because you'll get to see both of them on a regular basis. Plus it has the added bonus of making every game a little more exciting by wondering who will be starting that game.

This duo was so effective that Minnesota is the only team this season to put their 3rd goalie on reserve. It's an interesting move to be sure, and yet it does make sense because they are the only team that really knows exactly what they want to do for goalies this season.

But who are these goalies who we have so much trust in?

Nicole Hensley and Maddie Rooney of course!

Hensley was Minnesota's 2nd round draft pick last season, so that should give you a clue of how badly Darwitz wanted her on the team. She's a lover of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. And more importantly one of the U.S. national team's go-to goalie picks for quite a while now.

And I bet you're wondering, has she won a gold medal? Yes! She has. But interestingly enough when she won it in 2018 and she wasn't the starting goalie that year (although she did shutout Russia). Who was the starting goalie that year?

Maddie Rooney!

If you want to get a sense of just how stacked the PWHL's goalie lineups are consider this: Rooney wasn't drafted at all! Minnesota invited her to training camp and then signed her there. A friggin' gold medal-level goalie went undrafted. I mean, talk about an epic training camp pickup.

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There are plenty more players on the team, but these are the ones that I think are the most notable / just some of my favorites. This is probably riddled with typos and mistakes, but whatever! I'm really tired and need to get to bed. If I missed anyone's favorite, be sure to let us know. As well as giving us the run down of what makes them so cool. ;)

[wesavegotham]

Trying to explain to your parents that no "most other people to do not have their brains constantly go into overdrive trying to figure out when you should smile, not smile, laugh, not laugh, hold eye contact" is not normal, other people can do this just naturally apparently is fun (as in: no it's not).

Other people also do not own a whole big bookshelf full of books about trains (my dad. I once tried to talk to them about autism, the research I did into the topic and when I mentioned that a lot of tests are very outdated, do not really work for girls or adult women because it shows up differently in them and then mentioned that the tests still include questions like "is the person obsessed with trains" because one little boy a scientist did research one ages ago had trains as his special interest so he figured all people on the spectrum must like trains and made it a criteria to determine if someone had autism...and sure that's not a good criteria, but we all looked to that bookshelf.)

Or at least two bookshelves full of books about the history of fashion (my mom). And at least another big one just about art history.

Nobody needs that many books about these topics. It's not even relevant to their jobs. My university library does not have these many books on any specific topic.

Also I still remember how at my brother's wedding we were all shocked to hear that his friends thought my brother was introverted and we always thought he was clearly an extrovert at least compared to us.

I'm not a psychiatrist either, but there is clearly something very odd about us and it's probably undiagnosed autism at least for some of us.

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

[torchickentacos]

I'm reading poetry at 1 am and spiraling over like 45 emotions at once, which is how poetry was meant to be enjoyed, I think

[palms-upturned]

Sorry for being late today coming online, a lot has happened and I am trying to think about the best way to organize this blog going forward. For now though I will try to get the list updated quickly and read through my messages/@'s

[nostalgia-tblr]

WIP Ask Game

Rules: post the names of all the files in your wip folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it!

I wasn't tagged for this I'm just procrastinating, and it's been a while since I did this one so New! Filenames! Appear! I left out my main AU WIP and also a couple that got asked about in previous editions of this meme. These are all Loki show/MCU fics because apparently that is my Thing at the moment:

5 times seduction

lokius stockholm syndrome fic

sylki hurt-comfort (but she's shit at it)

parry

mobius made them do it

the one with the file

fucked up sakaar dubcon fic again

straightforward

twee thor

suddenfilth

thor's tragic arranged marriage (NOT THORKI FIC)

[searidings]

how do you decide what books to read?

oh! i have many devious methods. i get recs from friends/family/mutuals, i plough through the entire works of authors who have written one book i've liked, i check rec lists e.g. on library websites or goodreads, and awards lists e.g. the man booker prize, but my fave way is to go and browse in a bookstore for 7 hours, scope out the books i'd like to read, write them down, then go home and borrow them from my local library (for free!!! support your local libraries kids!!!!) and THEN only if they're great will i keep a lookout for them in second hand stores and eventually get myself a copy

[medicinemane]

I don't know, those gifs of Andrew Garfield saying how to him the most terrifying thing is certainty... they resonate with me

The way people go around so damn sure that they're right about things, frankly I think there's very few things more dangerous than not even allowing for the possibility that you're wrong

Like you've just decided that you 100% know best, and from now on any evidence to the contrary is just something to be pushed aside because it's clearly wrong. The harm you'll do isn't real because obviously you wouldn't be doing it if there was harm. You're just right. That's the end of it

No, I agree with Andrew Garfield, I'd much rather stop and reassess over and over, as many times as I need to, to make sure that I'm still doing the right thing

I'll never be anything cause it just doesn't interest me, but if I was going to join a religion I know I'd become Jewish

Thought that since I was little with all the Jewish friends I had at school, and what's more it just seems to fit me best, all the elements of questioning. Hell... it even sounds like if I said "you know, I don't really believe in god", that there's a chance the rabbi might say "funny thing, me neither" (I've heard some don't), but if not that at least "eh, that's fine, why don't you come discuss why with us"

It's just funny the number of times I've related to something someone's saying, and then you find out their Jewish and this ties into that sense of questioning things, and that interview is an example

I agree with him, nothing scarier than being 100% sure you're correct... you can do a lot of bad things once you know for a fact you're right to be doing them

[talkorsomething]

They literally just had a conversation about ice cube trays and whether or not they were clean (they decided they were not i think?) and did NOT ask me anything. Do i not exist to you people

[halfbit]

i am getting started on productivity for the night but haven't figured out yet if i want to write or art first and there's also the tiny part of my brain that just wants to stare at kabru until it is ok to stop staring at kabru

[followerofmercy]

Networking/Knowing A Guy: A Guide

This is the autism website. Now, as an extension of the power of love and friendship, there are few things more useful than Knowing A Guy. Knowing A Guy means you have a support network. Knowing a plumber, or a tax accountant, or just that one dude that's really fucking good at finding the information you need when you're really overwhelmed, can be the difference between being able to pay rent and having a fun party with friends to fix your shit.

How does one end up Knowing A Guy? It's a skill you can develop called Networking and it is one of the foundations of society. Unfortunately making those connections with people is fucking hard and nobody makes a tutorial for it. So, here you go:

The golden rule is you scratch my back and I scratch yours

It is necessary for survival to seek out useful people

Great news! Everyone is useful in some form or fashion - including you! When given the opportunity to learn about someone, do it! Extroversion does not come naturally to some people and that's okay. Just take whatever falls in your lap.

Types of usefulness: trade skills, connections of their own, personality you jive with, pleasant to talk to, niche interest in shared hobby, security - the list is pretty much endless. I know a guy that lives in the metro area - no job, no major hobbies, inoffensively annoying to me personally, kinda ignorant, not attractive to me, but you know what? He knows how the fuck to get around the city by foot. My rural-raised ass APPRECIATES the guide.

Remember important information: general personality, background, skillset, likes and dislikes. You can find this information by making smalltalk about their life. There is no such thing as pointless conversation. (Yes, even the annoying smalltalk)

The more people you know, the higher the likelihood that one of them will be useful in a given situation - or will know someone who is.

It is overwhelming. In a given clique/community/workspace/whatever, there is A Guy Who Knows The Other Guys. This Guy is a shortcut. Find them. They're often elderly, extroverted, a little bit annoying, a secretary or in some otherwise forward-facing position. Look for people that are gossipy/talk about other people a lot but not in negative ways. If they constantly talk shit, they'll talk shit about you too. They're still useful but be careful with the information you share

You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.

You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.*

If you have low self esteem, you're going to feel like you're using people. You're not. That's the devil talking. People like feeling valued and the connections you are making are the threads holding community together. Recognize people for their talents. It's only a problem when you're taking advantage of people

So: don't feel scummy about it. You're an animal. You have to claw out your right to survive and people will respect you more for it.

Luckily mutualism is the name of the game in the animal kingdom. Offer something back. The foundation of a Know A Guy relationship is Mutual Benefit

Sometimes that Mutual Benefit is just spreading news of the The Guy far and wide. My plumber friend is my actual friend and I love her to death, but I'm maintaining our backscratch relationship by pimping out her plumbing business to anyone that'll listen

Food is a good Mutual Benefit. People across cultures for all of human history have bonded over food. I have good success asking people for a favor and then offering to buy them lunch in return **

General compensation is also good. Offer a service in return and always do your best to offer financial compensation as appropriate. Having your plumber friend take a look at your drain: doable with a case of beer. Having your plumber friend redo the pipes in your entire house? You need to pay for that.

Being transactional is not necessarily a bad thing. I would advise against keeping an itemized list of things owed, but fish don't seek out cleaner shrimp just because they enjoy their company. Everyone gets something

Unfortunately being extroverted and generally personable is a huge benefit here, but that's the value of the Guy That Knows A Guy. There's someone out there that has consolidated All The Guys so you don't have to be the local expert. Always remember nobody can do everything and you don't need to master every skill

* This is the foundation of a functioning community. I have many acquaintances that I find incredibly annoying. They include doctors, welders, artists, social workers, lawyers, construction crew and random fuckers at the grocery store. I do not hang out with them. I do not have to in order to maintain a civil Know A Guy relationship. I can drop them useful tidbits and fuck right off so I don't have to spend any more time than necessary with them

** People may assume romantic intent. Be prepared for that. I generally denote that it's a friendly/work lunch by calling them bro at some point if they're my age. Otherwise my general demeanor is sufficient to show that I do this with everyone

Source: personal experience, mother's teachings of crime, booth vending and poverty

[fakebwitch]

rafe finds your panties in his car [smut, jerking off, perv!rafe]

part two

you had an appointment to get your nails done, rafe was at an important business meeting and couldn't take you, since a friend of his was picking him up his car was in the garage, you asked him if you could use his car, and he said yes.

as you get back you parked the car in the garage, turned off the car while picked up the things you had left scattered around the car, putting them back in the bag, and that's where you had an idea.

you thought, rafe had let you use his car by paying for your new set of nails, you had to somehow thank him. a grin grew on your face as you rose slightly from the seat, your hands went under your skirt finding the elastic band of your panties, you grabbed it pushing it down and once you got to your ankles you pulled them completely off. your grin grew even more as you put the lace panties on the gearshift.

after completing your little work of art, you grabbed your purse and keys, opened the door and got out of the car, locking it. you made your way inside the house, the sound of your heels walking on the floor caught his attention.

"hey baby" he greeted you with a smile, getting up from the couch, "rafeyy" you said immediately running into his arms, he pulled you toward him grabbing you by the hips, 4 hours without seeing him was too much for your liking. "how did it go?" he asked with a smile at your clinginess as his hand gently stroked your back, "all good" you replied pulling away from him slightly with a smile, showing him your nails.

"they're perfect baby" he said as he looked at them carefully, he knew you didn’t play about your nails, "i know, aren't they?" you said with a smile turning your hand toward you, looking back at the design for the twentieth time.

you slipped your hand into your jacket pocket pulling out his car keys, "here they are" you said shaking them in front of his face, he grabbed them as you said "thank you so much baby, i love you" you said giving him a kiss, he smiled into the kiss as he whispered "i love you too".

as he deepened the kiss in your head you couldn't help but think of the little surprise you had left for him in the car, just waiting for him to find out. you knew very well that he loved your lingerie, one way or another he was always trying to steal some panties from you so he could keep them when, as he said, “he needed them," and you also knew what for.

the next morning rafe woke up early, he had to attend another business meeting. it was a stressful week, he was full of commitments regarding work finding himself having little time to spend with you. he grabbed the keys of his car as he yawned while heading to the garage, the phone rang in his pocket causing him to sigh as he rolled his eyes, he took it in his hands reading the name of the contact who was calling him, he sighed again deciding to answer it, it was one of the men he was in business with.

"hey, what's up?" said rafe trying to sound as unbothered as possible, the last thing he wanted to do right now was to have a call regarding the various problems that kept coming up. as the man took up the conversation, explaining that business would slow down for reasons he would list for him later, rafe opened the garage door, letting out occasionals little "mhm."

he pulled out his car keys, pressed the button and without looking inside the car opened the door and sat down. "yes, i was aware of that, i just talked to hollis about it yesterday and we both agreed that..." he froze when out of the corner of his eye he saw something white that caught his attention, he shifted his eyes to the mysterious object.

he took a deep breath realizing it was your underwear.

“rafe? are you still there?" the man's voice rang on the other side of the phone, rafe took a few more seconds to look at the piece of underwear and then answered, "y-yeah i'm here sorry, actually i'm kinda busy right now, i'm gonna call you when i'm free" he quickly came up with, wanting to end the call as soon as possible.

"oka-"

before the man could’ve finished rafe immediately hang up. his hands reached out to grab the garment, his fingers rubbed the lace. he looked at the inner part, that was in contact with your pussy, noticing a small wet spot, he didn't think about it for a second and brought the panty closer to his face, his nose made contact with the fabric, inhaling strongly as your smell flooded his nostrils. you just knew how to drive him crazy.

he couldn't help but think about being between your legs as he continued to breathe in your scent, making you feel good as your hands pushed him closer to your pussy, his cock twitching at the thought of having his lips on your wet folds.

as he kept the panties close to his face, with his free hand he quickly untied his belt, unbuttoned his pants pushing them down just enough along with his underwear to get his now semi-hard cock out. his head thought of your sweet taste, your little whimpers when he overstimulated you too much as your smell intoxicated his brain.

with his right hand he began to lightly rub his length, little sounds escaped his lips, muffled by the fabric of your panties. he went further as with his thumb he stroked the tip, pink and swollen, screaming to be inside you, his hand tightened even more around his shaft quickly rubbing the part just below the tip, it drove him crazy.

he kept rubbing as he imagined his hand was yours, little drops of pre cum were coming out of his tip, mixing with his rapidly working hands, creating obscene wet sounds.

his wrist beginning to ache, from how fast he was moving, as he lingered for a few seconds with his thumb, rubbing the tip. he was a mess of moans, his legs twitching as his breathing grew deeper and deeper, his body temperature now crazy.

he moved your panties away from his face and wrapped them around his cock as he resumed rubbing his hard cock with his hand, continuous whimpers escaped his lips as the lace rubbed against the delicate veins of his cock.

"fuuuuck" he breathed, he didn't think he could hold back much longer. he pushed his hips upward as his hand worked up and down his length, his head turned back as continuous moans mixed with cursing escaped his lips.

"h-holy shiit..." he murmured through clenched teeth, the rough fabric of the lace touching the soft tip of his cock made him shudder, his cock throbbing in his hands, eager to cum as soon as possible.

he was in pure ectasy, totally overwhelmed by the pleasure he was experiencing, the only image in his head at that moment was you, and you were helping him finish himself off. "oh y/n please..." he said almost crying, his voice cracked with pleasure as his hand moved even faster down the length, he hadn't even realized he had begged you when you weren't even there.

as his hand tightened around the tip, images of you filled his head, thinking about the way your eyes looked at him every time he thrust into you mercilessly, the way your tits bounced as his body slammed into yours, as his hand grabbed your neck making your eyes roll as he pushed you to the edge, that image was enough to make his cock cum.

"oh fuck me...." he managed to say as his hand moved slower, riding his high, moans and whining came from his lips as he pressed the tip making sure not a drop of his liquid was wasted.

half of it was on his hands, but most of it had ended up on your panties. he let go his grip on his cock, feeling overstimulated as he tried to catch his breath. realization hit him soon after, realizing the 'obscenity of the act he had just performed.

did he regret it? no. had it been one of the best handjobs? yes.

[rieamena]

totally (not) beating the allegations

best friend!takuma ino headcanons

contains... best friends to lovers, mutual pining, casual confession of love, kisses (platonic), kisses (romantic), modern au, high school to university au, living together-ish, fem intended reader, pet names (baby, babe, love, sexy, handsome, beautiful, sweetie, the list goes on and on), lots of physical touch, nicknames (you call takuma, kuma.), reader has a mother and a father, y'all are basically dating just without the label...

word count: 2.3k (this wasn't supposed to be long. i told myself 0.8k maximum...)

riea's comments: all sixteen people living in takuma city RISE UP! i miss my husband of 35 years so much, come back to me loml :(( something to munch on while y'all wait for the next full throttle chapter. also not too much on me if this is a drabble and not hcs idk the difference :))

first off... i just wanna say that i KNOW I KNOW that ino is one of the funniest people in the jjk cast idc idc!!! if he had more screentime (and if the situation wasnt dire) my boy would be crackin some jokes!!!!

you've been friends with takuma for around 7 years, your first meeting happening in tenth grade, when your teacher paired you two up for an interview project. when time came to actually record the interviews, it was hard to edit out you two laughing uncontrollably every fifteen seconds or so

i mean, you two just had so much in common!!! same favorite color, same favorite franchise, same favorite tv show, same favorite video game; it was like yall were the same person. there was just one thing you both disagreed on: whether hex code #286061 was blue or green

your argument ended up being the last ten minutes of the final video you submitted...

without a doubt, after that, you two became inseparable. in school, people would take notice of your closeness. when one of you were absent, teachers would jokingly ask "where's the other one?"

there was not a single thing you didn't do together, homework, go to the gym, gossip, eavesdrop, etc etc. so of course, you ended up applying to the same universities and when it came time for college acceptance season...

takuma invited you over, forcing you to bring your mailed letters from the eight universities. sprawling out over his lap, you took in the all too familiar sight of his room. you've been in his room more times than you've been in your own (and vice versa!)

i mean ino's been over to your place so many times that he calls your parents mom and dad. and you've been over to his house so much that takuma's mom practically jumped for joy every time you burst through the front doors with a "guess who's home!!!" so it was completely normal that you guys knew the ins and outs of each other's rooms, right?

"kuma, baby," you started with a sigh, reveling in your best friend's repetitive motions. running his hand through your hair, ino looked down at you, eyes showing that he was listening. "i'm scared, what if we don't–"

"ah-ah-ah! no negativity here!" he cut you off, pushing you off his lap and grabbing the letters you left on his desk. "listen here beautiful," takuma says, bringing a hand to your cheek, his heart swelling when you subconsciously leaned into it, "we're gonna take each other's letters, and open them," he handed you a white envelope, the logo of both of yours dream university on it, "starting with, kyōmei."

taking a well needed deep breath, you nodded. "okay," you and ino began to open the envelopes at the same time, only looking at each other when you saw the status. "accepted or rejected in 3...2...1..."

"ACCEPTED"

"ACCEPTED"

cue the mandatory silence before the screaming. "holy shit. you got in." "you got in." "WE GOT IN!!! WE'RE GOING TO KYŌMEI!!!!" you two practically flew off the bed, jumping up and down in celebration. peppering his face in kisses, you nuzzled your face into takuma's neck. "i'm so proud of us! i mean, kyōmei," you pulled away from his neck, shaking his shoulders harshly, "the kyōmei?!!!"

anyways, soon enough, you both realized that you'd have to move away, resulting in a seven hour search for apartments near the university's campus. and just as takuma was about to give up, you found a listing for units 19A and 19B, right in the heart of the city and just a five minute walk from kyōmei

and with that, it was moving day, well, days is more like it considering that the whole process took like ten days... finding cute furniture is really hard! and moving all of it is even harder!! and don't even get me started on the appliances! although, you and takuma found a way around it

like what do both of you need a microwave for? and there isn't a reason to have two dishwashers, there wasn't even a reason to have one! y'all kept your fridges though... who was gonna be banging on the other's door in the middle of the night for some cold water??

with time, it came for the highly anticipated freshman formal, an welcome event hosted by kyōmei itself, and of course, you had to go. so here you were, staring at your figure in the mirror as your best friend's large hand rubbed your shoulder, the other zipping up your black dress. "all done!" he breathed, taking a step away so that you could see for yourself. "i look so cute~" you giggled, hearing the clack of your heels as you twirled. "you do!" he paused, looking you up and down, "when did you get that dress?"

"your mom gave it to me a couple days ago! where'd you get that tux? i don't think i've seen it before," you walked over and straightened takuma's suit, as he laughed in response, "your mom gave it to me..."

"this was planned."

"this was definitely planned."

"we should send a picture in the family group chat!"

"we should!!! but, hair first!"

notice how i said family group chat, singular, not plural. and that's because there's a gc for both of your families! it's name was a mix between "ino" and your last name, since, in all seriousness, your families were close

so here you were, sitting pretty on takuma's lap as you focused on straightening the front pieces of his hair, because that's what best friends do!

"okayyyy sexyyyy," you squealed, moving out of the way so that takuma could see himself in your vanity mirror, "damnn, i look hot!" he smiled as he checked himself out, his hand firmly on your waist (to make sure that you wouldn't fall, of course!). "i knew i was fine but, did i always look this fine?" he asked, looking up at you with his big dark brown eyes, a playful smirk evident on his face. "yes, takuma. you're the sexiest man ever. just a bit of eyeliner on you and we'll be on our way, okay?"

turning back to your station, you grabbed some brown and black pencils before starting to lightly draw over ino's outer eye corner, "do men as sexy as me really need eyeliner?" a look from you was all he needed to know to shut up and close his eyes

and oh, how he loved being so close to you. not just emotionally but physically as well. like, not every duo can say that they barge into the other's apartment to steal snacks! and speaking of snacks... let me just say, there's a whole cabinet in his kitchen reserved for your favorite foods and! he keeps your favorite ice cream flavor stocked in his freezer

you, on the other hand, have a little space where you hide takuma's favorite anything. chips, gummies, takeout menus, you name it, you have it. because your best friend is oh-so-optimistic, it can be harder for him when he's just not having the best of days. which is why when you go your (not so) separate ways at the end of the day, you pack up a basket for him. ribbons in his favorite color, his top 15 favorite snacks from that one time y'all bought one of everything in a nearby convenience store and ranked them, takeout on the way, horror flicks he's been wanting on dvd because he said "its cooler that way", and a handwritten letter from you, for my kuma, scribbled on the envelope

dropping off the basket at his door and retreating back to your place, you'd press your ear against the wall separating your units, physically feeling your heart break when you heard sniffles. that was all you needed to practically fly over to his, a few boxes of tissues in hand. because that's what best friends do!

and don't even get me started on how many belongings y'all have at the other's place... like that one time takuma walked into your apartment announcing his presence, only to be met with silence. let me set up the scene for you. you are taking a relaxing shower when you hear a knock on the door followed by four more and then three more. "come in!" you called out, unbeknownst to you, ino's voice was closer than you thought

"already in here..., anyways. is my shampoo in there?"

"the one with the purple cap?"

"yeah, thanks babe!"

"wait, can you get me my towel?"

or that time when you causally opened the door to his unit (because it was basically yours too) and greeted him with a simple pat on his head before skipping off to find those jeans you thrifted

slight cohabitation aside, the university life was definitely... something. it was clear and obvious that you two were close, a blind man could see it. but close is a really really really vague word, and it's surely not the word that describes the way the two of you act. in this friendship, terms of endearment drop like rain from clouds. every. other. sentence. contains a "babe" or "baby" or "sweetheart" or "darling" WE GET IT OKAY...

and it seems like if y'all go a single day without touching each other, a bomb will fall from the sky and earth would blow up. his hands are constantly on you, his favorite places (when in public) being your shoulders and arms, and when at home it was without a doubt your waist and thighs. just imagine how difficult it must be for people speak to you both on campus when his arm is slung around you and your hand is holding onto his side. the rumors practically created themselves....

and when i say people were shocked, i mean they were SHOCKED when y'all were like "haha, no, we're not dating!!! we're best friends!" everyone was thinking: yeah best friends who FUCK. best friends who are IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. y'all became the campus' it couple without being a couple. how does that happen??!??

however... there were a couple of people who were particularly excited to hear that you both were single. a few girls approached you one day while in the general area, asking if it was true that you and ino weren't dating. "we aren't... why?" one of the girls shifted on her feet, clearly nervous. "well... could you um... give this to him for me?!" she bowed, presenting a pretty pink envelope. you froze, staring at the item before giggling. "i see what this is about! don't worry! i'll make sure this gets to him safely!" long story short, that letter was never delivered

and on ino's side, he had some classmates pestering him about you. asking for your favorite show, candy, date style, everything under the sun. "guys, guys! she doesn't even want a boyfriend right now!" takuma shouted, even though two days prior you were complaining about how spending too much time with him was scaring all the hotties away

but let's get into the real stuff... the realization of love

for takuma, there wasn't a "wow, i'm in love with her" moment. what he does know though is that he started feeling something different for you a few months before college admission season. to him, the world was always bright with you by his side but now... it was so much brighter. it was like looking directly into the sun; it hurt but he couldn't look away, he doesn't want to look away. you're the best thing to ever happen to him, and the mere thought of ruining what you have just for some feeling—no matter how intense—isn't... right to him

and you figured it out after a dream you had one night back in high school. you dreamt of being in takuma's arms, the ones you snuck glances at when he wasn't paying attention to you. in not dream world, all you had to do was ask and he'd gladly envelop you but the vibes in this dream were different. there was tension. and it was thick. his beanie was off and thrown somewhere on the bed, your bed. looking back at him, your breath caught in your throat, "hey pretty," he slurred, drunk off tiredness. ino's called you beautiful more times than you can count; he made sure to do it at least once a week, so why... just why did this time make your stomach heat up and your heart race? you woke up with a flushed face, queasy feeling in your gut, and a deep understanding. it wasn't just platonic love anymore

"hey," you started, eyes trained on the movie in front of you, but your mind was focused on something else, "y'know how everyone thinks we're dating?" ino nodded as you reached over to grab the bowl of popcorn. "i've been thinking... maybe they're onto something..."

takuma's gulp could be heard from miles away, "wh-what are you trying to say?"

"what are we? seriously. because i can't sit here and pretend like i don't wish we were something more."

"something more like...?"

"now's not the time to be oblivious! don't you get it?! i'm—"

"i'm in love with you,"

it was like time stood still as you looked at your best friend. his face was lit by the tv screen a couple feet away, his hair was a mess, and slightly prominent dark circles were under his eyes, but... he's never looked more beautiful to you. "have been. for a long time. we've basically been dating for like four years already. four more and then we'll get married?" he flashed his signature smile

"oh, shut up," he brought your face millimeters away from his, whispering "make me." before kissing you deeply, not on your cheek, or your forehead, or your shoulders, but on your lips this time. and all the times after that too

because that's what best friends lovers do, right?

jjk taglist

@blendingcaramal @gzchaos @theamazingrain @woah-girlz @voloslobotomyservice

@kyozvy @obessionofagrl @bubybubsters @sugurusbaobei @raindropsonrwses

@c-moon20-12 @saltynanobeanie @theamazingrain @synthiiiiis @ghostlyluminarycloud

@poopyyy @supernatrualqueen @bxrbie-jadeee @laitifly @discipleofthem

@cheesecake95 @strawberry-cherrypie @makeshiftproject @magiamad0ka @ncitygreen

@stillnotherapy @oniondrip @cloudy-yyy @definitely-not-leena @kidd3ath

@atigerandabear @russianremy @ohnoitsamistakee18 @ivy-vivii @ourfinalisation

@1ndee @yourhornysister @ancientimes

[probablybadrpgideas]

Number of Goblins, ranked

One Goblin - That's just a goblin. He's probably just getting his groceries or something. Leave him alone, you asshole.

Ten Goblins -- That's a fairly normal amount of goblins. There's generally around ten goblins in any given situations. They're just here for aesthetic, so you know it's a fantasy world. Remember to tip them when you leave.

One Hundred Goblins -- Ok this is too many goblins, but this is a reasonable amount of too many goblins. Like, this is maybe an army of goblins or something? My point is that they're probably here for a good reason. Best not to mess with them, they're likely load-bearing in some way.

One Thousand Goblins -- This is probably a goblin town, in which case this is really more a case of One Human, which is a completely different list only available on goblintube. If not, all these goblins are lost. Return them to the goblin town. The orcs are worried.

One Million Goblins -- A million goblins? I'm not sure I've even seen a million things in my life , and now there's a million goblins? That's, like, all the goblins. Why are you at a convention of all the goblins? Are you a goblin? Actually, no, that would make sense. Yeah, that's probably what's going on here. Sorry you had to find out this way.

One Billion Goblins -- Ok, look, at this point you have clearly been sent to a future time where humanity is extinct and goblins have inherited the earth. I can think of no other explanation for a billion goblins. This sadly means that you're the weirdo, and you have to go be a cryptid now. At least you can find a phone and read the goblin creepypastas about you.

One Trillion Goblins -- How? What is happening? This is more goblins then there are birds, and they'll all in your house? How is your house this big? Wait, forget the goblins, how is your house this big? Are the goblins here to guillotine you? Probably! Move out of your stupid mansion and let the goblins have it, you weird rich bird-hoarding freak.

One Quadrillion Goblins -- One quadrillion? I'm only like 80% sure that's even a real number! Luckily, you won't have to deal with a quadrillion goblins for long, because soon they'll collapse together under their gravity, forming a far more manageable single planet-sized goblin. Picard's not gonna be happy about this one!

More Goblins -- Fuck off, you do not have more then a quadrillion goblins. Why are you lying? Are you worried I won't like you if you don't claim to have an implausible number of goblins? Don't worry. Your worth is not dependent on your goblin numbers. Go back to the actual number of goblins secure in the fact I love you, no matter how few goblins you have <3