#there are many ways to be trans! you don't need to medically transition if you don't want to!*

[uncanny-tranny]

r u chill w non transitioning ppl?

Why wouldn't I be? At one point, every trans person who is transitioning was once someone who wasn't (whether or not that was a choice or their need is a separate discussion).

Hatred of any kind of trans person is not a Righteous or Good Thing - every single trans person has their place, their entitlement to safety, community, and respect of who they are

[radfemmauve]

holy shit this is the worst crashout i've ever seen on a post

so what is misogyny? it's the dislike, contempt or prejudice against women. women specifically. misandry is the male version of that but misandry does not exist as the oppressed cannot victimize their oppresser.

1. If you see trans women as invading "men" but still treat them as if they're a threat to your idea of womanhood, that is misogyny.

They're not a threat to 'my idea of womanhood'. My idea of womanhood is an adult human female. No man in a dress with cosmetic surgeries and voice training could ever take that from me. I can argue that he is a threat to all woman, of course; especially if his transition comes from a fetish for bisexual and lesbian women.

2. If you keep calling them "TIMs" but still insist they don't know how to be a "real woman," that is misogyny.

Yeah, of course tims don't know how what is it like to live as a 'real woman.' He will never experience periods, menopause, childbirth, and pregnancy, and will never be oppressed for it. And if you're going to come at me with the 'not all women have uteruses/periods his male existence is still VASTLY different from women with disorder of sexual development. A male body physically cannot identify with these features as his body is not designed to bear children. And if he's not identifying with these features, but is identifying with women socially, then that's blatant misogyny because the term 'woman' is not a term used to describe how a female person acts but how she is. Embodying traits of femininity, submissiveness, dainty, maternal behavior, general sensitivity will not make him a woman either. if so, you're not identifying with womanhood, you're identifying with the concept of femininity forced upon us.

3. If you can't reconcile with the fact you fucked up by claiming the internet made them trans but still believe womanhood can't be "earned," that is misogyny.

Yeah, and I'll double down on it. Because of the internet and it's never ending list of genders, communities that enable the worst behavior, and trauma, vulnerable people will be sucked into gender identity ideology. How many tims have you heard say that they've been influenced by lesbian/bisexual women hentai/porn?

Womenhood can't be earned. you are born as a woman and whether or not you have parts removed ( such a mastectomy from breast cancer, or a hysterectomy from medical complications involving the uterus) that doesn't make your body any less of a woman and more of a male. Wearing a dress does not make a man into a woman. Putting on makeup and growing out your hair, does not make a man into a woman. Womanhood isn't earned and can't be earned.

4. If you keep claiming cis women are conveniently "pure" (or that if they have perverted fantasies, it's somehow "uniquely woman-coded") but still claim many trans women are "fetishists" because they'll "always be males," that is misogyny.

Pure? Where? I've identified the fact that women are oppressed by men and the patriarchal society men have created. Purity is a fad that is created by man to control women's bodies the same way they've done with sex trafficking and the beauty industry. The "prevented fantasies...uniquely woman-coded" is so strange what the fuck. If you're referring to abusive kinks that radical feminists believe that the woman enacting them has trauma, and the man that's imposing upon it IS inherently dangerous because why does someone need to get off by punching/hitting/simulating rape of a woman?

Yeah. A good portion of trans women are fetishists. Do you not see the 'puppygirl/clicker trained/submissive' bullshit so many of them have in their bio? those types of memes are at the front of transgender mtf subreddits. A guy fetishizing a lesbian relationship wearing a dress and makeup isn't different from a man fetishizing a lesbian relationship wearing a shirt and shorts. Look at the definition of AGP/autogynophilia. It's literally a fetish where a man gets off to being a woman. There are so many blatant AGPs on the MTF sub, I highly encourage you to look at the definition and then browse the sub yourself to apply what you learned.

5. If you conflate obviously male rapists exploiting self-identification laws with trans women but still claim you're just looking out for other women, that is misogyny.

Of course I want to look out for other women. From MEN. 82 page document detailing transgender identified male's crimes.

terfs/radfems: women are adult human females. how she uses her reproductive organs is up to her, and the rest of her existence depends entirely on herself-

tras: MENSTRUATORS! VAGINA HAVERS, VULVA OWNERS, PEOPLE WITH UTERUS! BIRTHERS! WOMB HAVERS! PREGNANT PEOPLE, CHEST FEEDER! FRONT HOLE OWNERS

so who again is reducing women to their sexual organs...?

[spacehusbandsks]

I interrupted M's daily top surgery spiral and told him he needs to start telling people 'I'm a man that happens to have massive tits, so what? Got a problem with it?' Cause at the end of the day if he never is able to get top surgery, he's still a dude. People can respect him or shove it. bUT WhY nOt bInD aT lEaSt? First off, try having bigger than average breasts (that's AFTER a breast reduction even mind you!) now let's add chronic pain from a list of different conditions, oh and hot flashes too, can't forget debilitating anxiety, plus sensory issues. Go on, see how simple it is to bind now. 🙄Fuck. You. Guess what, even if he simply wanted to keep his breasts for any reason, he's still a dude. End of story.

[our-queer-experience]

Thank you for answering so many asks and reblogging so many posts from intersex people. We're probably the most erased group in the acronym, and I'm happy to see someone use their platform to bring attention to us and our issues.

I want to give a few general tips & things to know for your average perisex person for how to be a good ally to the intersex community!

Include our flag in pride projects!

Do not try to force intersex people into a binary like tme/tma or afab/amab. Even cis & trans. We're sick of it! Afab/amab should only be used to describe your own experiences, not other people's. Stop saying stuff like "amab anatomy" & "afab childhood"

We do not like being called biologically nonbinary and most of us are sick of that joke

Stop calling intersex animals trans! It may seem harmless but this is a mild form of erasure. Maned lionesses, male calico cats, antlered does, etc, are intersex! They are not trans! Posts about intersex animals may point people to learn about intersex people, which is a good thing for awareness!

Don't lump us in with trans people! Don't conflate transness & intersexuality. Yes there is overlap between our struggles but we are different groups!

Intersex people can identify as cis but our society will never see us as cis, we do not have cis privilege.

Do not listen to TERFs who call us "DSD", this stands for 'Disorders of Sexual Development" and is NOT the preferred term by the community. It's important to note that this is the current medical terminology for intersex people!! We are fighting against this label and do not accept it! We don't like "Differences of Sexual Development" either because it's the same acronym.

Not every intersex person has ambiguous genitalia. And of those of us who do, we don't "have both", we have something between male & female. And regardless you're not entitled to know what's in our pants lmao.

Use the terms perisex, endosex, or dyadic (they all mean the same thing, but perisex is the most recent & revised term. Endosex & dyadic are better known among older people) when talking about people who are not intersex. The same way you use cisgender when talking about people who are not trans. This positions intersex as a natural variation vs a deviation from normal.

Support intersex advocacy organizations like @interactyouth! InterACT is a wonderful group! As is InterConnect!

Most bigotry intersex people face is medical abuse, please recognize that! Many otherwise reputable medical sources are wrong about us and NEED to be challenged.

Do not reduce intersex people down to "cis person with a disorder" (like what the medical field does) especially in the context of the person in question being subject to transphobia. I see this so often with trans people saying "transphobia affects cis people too" only to show a headline about an intersex woman being harassed. Intersex people are an intended target of transphobia! It is not "transphobia backfiring on cis ppl". Remove phrases like "cis men with gynocemastia" from your vocabulary. Instead say intersex men.

PCOS is considered an intersex variation by the intersex community, but not by the medical establishment. If you are someone with PCOS, you ARE intersex due to your body's natural hormone levels! (You don't have to take up that label if you don't want to!)

I didn't know this had to be said, but do not say futa/futanari. I do not care that it's a popular porn category, it's a slur for intersex people in Japanese. It's the same as calling us a hermaphrodite, only worse because of the fetishization. There are better words you can use. (Ex bigenital)

YOU CANNOT TRANSITION TO BE INTERSEX! You can transition to have mixed sex traits, but do NOT say you are intersex! Please! This is co-opting! Use words like altersex, nonbinary or salmacian! Even post-transition, you are still perisex.

Please realize that we are being violently erased via the medical system. They need to mutilate us because our existence challenges the status-quo of bioessentialism. The only way a dyadic society can recognize our existence is as a "problem" that needs to be "fixed". This should piss you the fuck off. It should make you MAD. If it does, you're better than most allies. It's not an unfortunate "I'm sorry about that :(" this is a WHAT THE FUCK kind of situation. The subdued reaction everyone has to intersex people being mutilated and forced onto hormones is just so bleak to me. It's like nobody gives a shit. You never see intersex people because our dyadic society doesn't want you to. This is purposeful.

^^^ listen to intersex voices!

[genderqueerdykes]

im not sorry the truth of the transmasculine experience is ugly. i'm not sorry that we have to frequently discuss sexual and physical violence and abuse. i'm not sorry that we have to discuss violent physical abuse and death. i'm not sorry that we have to discuss homelessness, mental illness, addiction, disabilities, and other challenges in life.

we struggle. we do not instantly gain male privilege the second we come out. even if we pass. when someone knows we're trans we're treated like a woman no matter what. we can sometimes get lucky and pass with strangers but eventually people around us find out because people tell each other without our consent.

we face all kinds of abuse due to the fact that people feel entitlement to our bodies, regardless of what our AGAB is. they feel entitled to our faces, our hair, our entire appearance. they focus on the face that we're ruining something "pretty". they threaten corrective sexual violence to remind us that we're "just women". it happens constantly. this is not an isolated incident and virtually nobody wants people to talk about it when it comes to transmasculine people.

trans men often get injured for one reason or another. usually because someone wants to make them "prove" they're a man, to "toughen them up" or to "prove to them that they're a woman". sometimes this results in sexual assault. other times it results in physical assault. and sometimes people just kill trans men. all because they hate that a "woman" can transition into a man.

it's an ugly part of our reality but it needs to be discussed because otherwise people use the lack of that conversation as ammunition to say transmascs don't struggle.

transmasculine people struggle to stay housed. transmasculine people get kicked out of their living situations very often for many reasons. it's hard for transmascs to get jobs because often times people want either a man or a woman for a specific position and fuss over what they think the transmasc's gender is. misgendering is a huge issue at work. going stealth at work can be painful. being in the closet at work can be painful

transmascs are often disabled and struggle to get care due to people not taking AFAB patients' pain and symptoms seriously. this is a huge issue with any kind of AFAB person or any woman. all woman and AFAB people struggle with having their symptoms taken seriously when seeking serious medical attention to the point of possibly being undiagnosed for life, thus being unable to get on disability. trans women face this just as much as AFAB cis women, it's a huge issue in the medical industry

transmasculine people struggle to say on their hormones (or access them at all). testosterone is a controlled substance in many countries which means that you need a prior authorization to get the medication and need to consistently see a provider to get blood tests and check ups. it can be difficult to do so if you are low income and sometimes certain pharmacists will intentionally find ways to withhold hormones due to their own prejudices

transmasculine people struggle to get pregnancy support and care. it is very difficult for transmasculine people to figure out how to navigate their pregnancy, either due to their HRT provider not knowing much about pregnancy, or having a gynecologist who's not familiar with transmasculine health.

transmascs get denied from spaces made for men constantly. even if they pass, if word gets around that they're trans they can easily be kicked out of a space. transmasculine lesbians are often removed from lesbian, transmasc and/or non binary spaces. transmasc butches are often ostracized from all communities their identities correlate to. trans men and transmasc enbies are seen as a threat to women.

there is ugliness in every pocket of the queer community when it comes to how cisheteronormative society treats us. we all face disgusting treatment that needs to be addressed. it's important to consider how this system affects everyone underneath it. we need to talk about the positive things, it's good to help those are questioning, but we also must discuss what struggles we face in order to humanize ourselves and show that we people, too. none of us have it easy.

[spiderfreedom]

I honestly owe detrans people, and especially detrans women, so much, because reading about their experiences has taught me a lot about... well, everything? About myself and my own trauma re: femaleness, autism. About the factors that lead people to transition. About resilience and moving forward and making a life for yourself in a world where there's no space for you.

Some of my favorite writings from detrans people:

somenuancepls (Michelle Alava, active on substack) has multiple great posts, especially on resilience and growth for detrans people. I recommend "Actually I was just crazy the whole time" (on the mindset that leads medical transition to be viewed as a panacea), "We Shouldn't Have to Be Here" (on how detrans people are expected to act as martyrs) and "Let's Talk About How We Talk About Detransition" (on how to ethically and compassionately talk about transition and detransition without harming (de)/transitioners).

destroyyourbinder (no longer active) has so many amazing posts that I really can't list them all, but "Unriddling the Sphinx: Autism and the Magnetism of Gender Transition" was genuinely revelatory for me as a gender non-conforming autistic woman. (It also kinda sent me spiraling for a few days so if you are also an autistic gnc, read with caution)

funkypsyche has been writing a lot about 'woke' culture in a way I don't agree with, but "The Archetypal FTM Sensitive, Quirky, Artistic Weird Girls" (on the type of people attracted to transmasc identification and the ways society fails them - do you see also see yourself in this list?) is a good read. As a supplement, there is "The History of Tumblr: Gender and Woke Indoctrination, Video Essay", and if you can get through the parts about, well, 'woke indoctrination', it provides a perspective on tumblr and its relationship to mental illness and gender. You do not realize how much mental illness is normalized and glorified on tumblr until you see someone explaining it from the outside and you go "huh, I did not realize that happens and that I do that, too..."

Max Robinson wrote "Detransition: Beyond, Before, and After", the only academic text on detransition to my knowledge. An in depth view on factors influencing transition such as lesbophobia, and the relationship between gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia and how the latter is treated as frivolous and vain while the former is treated as profound and serious.

And there are a lot of tweets I've collected I can't really link here, there are many detransitioners on Twitter. I really do recommend reading a broad variety of detransitioned people, detrans women and men. Even read people who retrans like CrashChaosChats, who once wrote on detransition but then retransitioned after finding that she was unable to deal with dysphoria. If you actually care about dysphoric people, trans people, and detrans people, you need to read broadly to understand the full range of reasons people transition or detransition or retransition.

Feel free to reblog with your additions of writings by detrans people, or people you follow on Twitter or other social media if they don't have long-form content.

[genderkoolaid]

the thing about afab transfems (& amab transmascs, which are less frequently brought up) is that you can't police this border without fucking over intersex + nonbinary people. some people simply do not have experiences with sex and gender that align with the binary, cis or trans. & no amount of "but it's what's good for our politics!!!" can change that

& like even if you want to just focus on transfem in the context of transmisogyny. many many of the people who use this term are people who present as feminine or identify as women and have bodies that are perceived as "male" in some way. whether that's through an intersex variation or medical transitioning. many have frequent encounters w transmisogny because of this. there is no guarantee that you could tell a "real" transfem from an afab transfem.

people who ID as amab transmascs/afab transfems are not always making a flippant decision for the hell of it. many of us for various reasons have complicated relationships with gender and sex & these terms do make the most sense for us. & frankly i do not care that "transfem" is associated with being amab, i don't need that to change! i get it's usefulness! but a lot of the people mad abt these labels are folks to whom intersexism and anti-NB exorsexism are not significant forces anyways.

[amazinglyegg]

Are you still doing "companions react to" requests? if so, I've got one for ya!

Can you do "Companions react to Sole being transgender"? this can be either sole coming out as trans and wanting to transition, or sole ALREADY being trans for a while and finally letting them know.

you can do just the basics, but if you want to differenciate reactions for mtf, ftm, or enby, thatd be cool too!

alternatively you could also just do "companions react to sole being queer" if you want

(sorry if this is lengthy, ive never submitted a request like this before! keep up the good work!)

Companions React: Sole Coming Out As Trans!

Cait

I feel like she's the type of person to assume the worst when someone says "we need to talk"

So when Sole comes out as trans she's just like "OH THANK GOD"

Once that's out of the way she's chill with it

Probably asks something along the lines of "So you're a they/them?" but don't get me wrong, it's a genuine question!

Afterwards you KNOW she's calling out any assholes that misgender Sole

Wouldn't be surprised if needles are a bit triggering to her (post quest) so if Sole's taking HRT in the form of an injection that might be the one part Cait will step out for

Otherwise she's chill. It doesn't change much in her eyes.

Curie

Absolutely hyped to be trusted by Sole

Honestly Sole being trans is secondary to the fact that they're telling her all about their personal experiences!! And she gets to hear it!! Hell yeah she loves hearing stories!!

You can bet she's asking as many questions as Sole's comfortable with, some to understand how to support them better and others just out of curiosity

Also the queen of oversharing

Finds out Sole's taking testosterone and is like "did you know testosterone can lead to clitoral hypertrophy, otherwise known as bottom gro-" "THANK YOU CURIE THAT'S ENOUGH CURIE"

Codsworth

Codsworth's like the #1 ally here

He's chomping at the bit to do literally anything and everything that supports Sole in any way, and this is the perfect opportunity

The potential of a new name, new clothes, new anything!? Bro's been stuck in a catatonic state for 200 years, any sign of Sole actually existing and growing as a person brings him glee

Honestly he's probably happier than Sole is

You BET he's got an internal schedule keeping track of when Sole should take their hormones or how long they've been wearing their binder for or anything else applicable

Irons their wrinkly-ass trans flag for them

I'm imagining him pulling out Sole's clothes in the morning and laying on top is just their fucking packer. Like "ah yes and here's your cock for the day sir, I made sure to pick one that fits your mood this morning"

Danse

He's taking the conversation SO seriously

Probably has a whole speil about how proud he is of them, how this doesn't change his opinion of them, and how he'll do anything in his power to support their transition

Also being high ranking in the Brotherhood he'll be able to get anything they need on their medical file changed the second they ask

Otherwise mostly leaves it to Sole to bring it up, he doesn't want to push any boundaries or anything

But he DOES go up to Sole several months later out of the blue to tell them about seahorses or hyenas or mushrooms or any other human-gender-defying animal he just learned about like "🫵 it's like you!"

Generally very respectful and professional. Treats it like Sole just got a raise or something

Deacon

Changing identities is his whole thing, he by far has the easiest time adjusting to Sole's new gender

The biggest problem Deacon has is the conversation itself

I think he will shrivel up and die if he has to have a heart-to-heart conversation that lasts more than five minutes

If Sole's particularly worried about the backlash of coming out then don't worry, he's got like 50 different stories of being every gender under the sun while working in the Railroad

He can assure Sole with 100% confidence that nobody in HQ will care what they identify as or how they choose to present themself

Group trip to the feral-infested clothing mall for a wardrobe change!!! You KNOW he's good with outfits

Gage

"Got it, boss, let me know if you need anything" and the conversation's over

This isn't a heart-to-heart (no way the Overboss would ever do THAT), this is a sharing of new information

It really is the verbal equivalent of 👍

You don't ask questions about other raider's lifestyle choices unless you want to get stabbed, and Gage does NOT want to get stabbed

(Will stab someone else on Sole's behalf if they give the green light, though)

Who knew Nuka World was such a kind and accepting place ✨️

Hancock

"Hell yeah."

He's probably been came out to (comed out to...?) many many times in his life. This is just like talking about the weather with him

He can hook up Sole with anyone and anything they'll need if they want to transition - surgeons? Hormones? An old "totally safe and mostly functioning" auto-doc they keep in some random smelly corner of Goodneighbor? He's got it all covered.

He's pretty confident on Goodneighbor being a safe place to exist in, but if any drifter causes problems he WILL want to be first to hear about it so he can deal with them swiftly

All I'm saying is that there's no way Finn's the first asshole he's stabbed

Maccready

Immediate flashback to all the slurs he said as a young boy

Nah but for real the "worst" reaction Sole would get out of him is just "uhh...? Alright? Why are you telling me?" if they've still got the whole "Sole hired him" vibe going on

Otherwise once they've got a closer relationship with each other he's decently comfortable with it

I'm imagining him going to Daisy or someone else he knows like "I want to show Sole I actually give a shit about them what do trans people like"

Comes back with pink thigh highs and a blahaj for Sole. He doesn't even question it.

Clueless but he's trying his hardest!

Nick

The closest to a Normal Coming Out Experience Sole's gonna get

He'll listen, he'll tell them he's proud of them, he'll give them a hug if they ask

Would also offer to help Sole come out to anyone else if they're worried about doing it themself

Brings back a nice tasteful pride flag to put in his pencil holder or something

Supportive grandpa all around

I doubt Diamond City has too many assholes but he knows very well who to avoid and will make sure Sole's safe and comfortable

Probably nervous about helping Sole with their HRT injections if they ask, it's been a long while since he's gotten a shot and he doesn't remember how to do it

Piper

Little bit more sheltered due to living in Diamond City, will probably take the time to ask what that actually means in terms of their relationship

Like "Should I use a different name??? Pronouns??? Can I still call you dude if I use it in a gender neutral way???"

Once she's got it she's got it. Probably takes notes or some shit

Has enough connections that she'll be like "omg you'll get along so well with my friend's uncle's roommate, they're trans too!" or something equally as a random

Also WOULD make a news article vagueposting transphobes in the community. Will still respect Sole's privacy though, don't worry

Preston

Another member of the "expects the worst" when it comes to serious conversations. Probably panics when Sole asks to talk and then keeps panicking a bit wondering if they're only telling him because something bad happened

Sole's just gotta reassure him that they just wanted him to know, not that a settler's commited a hate crime or something

King of the passive-aggressive correction of pronouns if anyone misgenders sole. "He's the general?" "Yes, SHE'S the general" very pointedly

That kind of awkward but very sweet supportive vibe. Whenever Sole changes their outfit even slightly Preston immediately notices and is like "Looks good, general :)"

He puts up a pride flag in some public area of the settlement and tries to act all cool about it like "well I just want to make sure ALL settlers feel respected here" while secretly looking to see if Sole approves

Strong

I don't think Strong knows what a gender is. I don't think (Commonwealth) Supermutants have genders.

And honestly it'll probably just make him confused if Sole tries to explain it

Probably makes him a decent ally ngl. He won't question if Sole's appearance or voice changes. Hell he probably won't even notice

Is Strong the true #1 ally here???

X6-88

You know the "Hey girl I mean they" meme?

That's him the first time he tries to use sir/ma'am after Sole comes out. He's trying his hardest he just doesn't know what the gender neutral term is.

It's best if Sole just like, gives him a list of acceptable terms. Otherwise you might find him threatening someone who has the audacity to say "hey guys" while talking to a group that has Sole in it

He's also not great with emotional conversations but he will stand there and awkwardly nod to show his support.

Will find a pride flag somewhere and point at it stone-faced like "it's you." and then continue on.

The worst Sole will get is him criticizing their clothing for being suboptimal during battle

It doesn't matter if you're a HE, SHE, THEY, or IT, if you're going into battle YOU'RE WEARING ARMOR

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hi, sorry about this, I don't really have anyone to consult on this so I'm kinda just looking for anyones input.

I'm a current high school junior, who is 99% sure they're trans yet won't be able to come out to their family in the foreseeable future, but I'm hoping to start socially transitioning during college. I've also been swimming the majority of my life, and I'm debating as wether or not to go through the recruitment process for NCAA swimming, which my coach is pushing for. The issue is that since I'm hoping to begin socially transitioning during college/possibly go on t in upperclassmen years, to join a team would be stalling that indefinitely, since although I could still socially transition, to go on t would be considered doping and therefore highly illegal. And even if I do socially transition it would still be known that I'm on a women's team and therefore a lot of peoples first impression of me; not to mention swimming is a highly revealing sport, so everyone on my team would see me as a girl/I'd never realistically be able to pass (in the pool and out).

But also I love to swim! So it feels like no matter what I'm either giving up something I love to feel comfortable or to delay feeling comfortable in order to do something I love. And I'm worried that if I don't transition the dysphoria I'm already experiencing will get worse, because now the fact I'm not transitioning won't be to not get in conflict with my parents, so it's completely in my control. But also if I don't take the opportunity to possibly swim at college I'll feel I've worked on my strength and stamina for years for nothing. And knowing that I'll still be able to transition after, it'll just be a few years longer than I previously anticipated, makes it feel like it might be worth it, but on the other hand I know I won't feel 100% if I do.

Hello, Anon. It seems like you're thinking already pretty solidly about your pros and cons, which is great to see! "Indefinitely" seems like a big concept - isn't this more so just about the next 5 years? But let's back up a moment. Maybe another question to ask yourself is: exactly what do you like about swimming? Is it the competitive aspect? Just being in the water? The structure? Hanging out with other swimmers? Do you want to get a scholarship? Go pro? Coach, eventually? For each thing like about competitive swimming, ask yourself - can you find similar joy elsewhere? (The answer can simply be, "no".) I wouldn't say that your training is for naught - building healthy habits at your age is going to mean you'll be a healthier middle-aged and eventually, senior person. You can always swim in a community pool for exercise and fun. Or become a lifeguard. Or teach swim classes. So again, I think it boils down to how swimming fits into your identity. "Swimming" isn't exactly a gender, but being a college athlete seems pretty important to you. If you're not going on a scholarship, I think your risk of deciding to stop swimming at some point is fairly low, other than having begun your college career socially female and then having a more awkward coming out. And getting a Lecture from a coach for "quitting". (And fuck them if they do this.) I don't want to tell you to stop doing something you love, but if you do swim, you should be in tune with your dysphoria and check in with yourself often. Come up with lines that, if crossed, mean you need to stop and reconsider. (Skipping too many classes, not taking care of yourself, etc, etc.)

And if you're serious about transition, have a Plan A (transition in college), Plan B (transition after college), and Plan C (hybrid model), with milestones you want to achieve, both socially and medically. Get your resources all researched, phone numbers ready to call. Having a plan can keep you motivated. Either way you decide, it's going to be stressful. So don't skimp on the self-care, like hanging out with friends and doing other things that affirm the various parts of your identity. All that said, I'd caution about a few things:

If you swim and socially transition, you are likely to face a lot of scrutiny, especially from folks who will think you are a trans woman. Things are very fraught right now for trans college athletes.

Keep an eye on the news for how trans students are being treated at your college. You might actually want to postpone your transition for simple safety reasons. The world is pretty unfriendly towards us right now.

I wouldn't assume you can socially transition without your parents finding out. Just assume it will happen and be prepared for those consequences.

I really feel for you here. I've had to choose between a career as a musician (fulfilling, what I went to school for) and a career in tech (more money and stability). I chose stability, knowing I could do music on the side. I'm still a little sad I'm not a fulltime musician, but my financial stability allows me to enjoy the gigs I do get. (Or used to, since I'm mostly retired now.) Transition and swimming might be the same for you. Maybe you transition for the peace of mind, so that swimming for fun is less stressful, even if you're no longer competitive. But if competitive swimming is that important to you and something you wish to carry with you all your life, the experiences and connections you make in school might outweigh postponing transition. I don't want to give you an answer either way -- we hardly know each other. But I do hope I've given you a little more food for thought to make a decision.

[genderqueerdykes]

Is it true that T gel is not as effective as shots are and that you cannot truly transition if you get the gel? Asking as a transmasc whos deathly afraid of needles

hello there!

fortunately, nope, that's not true! that's misinformation that gets spread around like crazy. every single person on this earth will respond differently to medications- just because one person did not receive the benefits they wanted from topical hormone gels (estrogen or testosterone) does not mean everyone else will have the same reaction!

there are folks who will get nothing out of it at all due to certain health conditions, genetics, or other factors, but that does not make the medication wholesale ineffective. there are also people who do not respond well to or process injectable testosterone- every person reacts to medications differently. it's best to take it on a case-by-case basis, as some won't get anything, but some will see the full spectrum of effects. it just depends on your body chemistry and how you personally react to medications

there are many trans people who transition with T gel only! you can absolutely fully medically transition with T gel. you are able to adjust your dose as needed, so you can tailor it to your needs just like injectable T. i took topical T for a few years and it still gave me all the benefits of injectable! including stopping my periods

i think some people struggle with T gel because they do not follow the instructions properly. i've actually met a few transmascs who shower their T gel off RIGHT after they've put it on, thinking the medication absorbs immediately. it is recommended to not shower or swim for several hours (usually around the 4 - 5 hour mark) to make sure all of the medication absorbs. if you do this and are not showing results from your gel, this is why. please don't immediately shower your T gel off! a lot of people also apply their gel to the wrong areas of the body: if you start topical T, your specific formulation will come with a guide showing you where to apply it. applying it in other areas may not work as well

it's a completely viable option, especially for people with shaky hands, needle trauma, or are squeamish. i hope that helps! topical T is not "weaker" than injectable- your skin is actually one of the areas of your body that has the some of the highest bioavailability when it comes to medications, meaning that your skin is excellent at absorbing topical medications and getting as much as possible out of them. as long as you do not have a condition that makes it difficult for your skin to absorb medications, its should affect you just as much as injectable would.

this is not a guarantee, as everyone is affected by medications differently. you may not have a condition that prevents you from absorbing medication through the skin and still struggle. everyone reacts differently- genetics, body chemistry, there are a lot of factors that can change how a person will react. it will depend greatly on who you are as a person.

usually there's not really a way to tell if it will work for someone until they try, so your mileage will vary, but the topical T is not on the whole weaker, or ineffective. it's important to talk about how it doesn't affect some people, but it's also important to talk about how it works great for many. like any medication, experiences with it will vary greatly from person to person and that's not a reflection that the medication is bad or ineffective, that's just normal for medication.

hope that helps!

[lazycranberrydoodles]

hi i don't know if i have questions specifically but want you to know i'm obsessed with your transfem hua cheng and he xuan and that it's super meaningful to me to see other people doing transfem characters and headcanons and I love to see it and love your art so much too so thank you for doing that!!!

yw!!!

hua cheng and he xuan have such interesting relationships to their bodies and powers. to me, trans headcanons not only acknowledge their complex identities within the text, but also add a layer of meaning. plus i just love drawing and writing girls.

more of my thoughts on trans & tfem huaxuan below.

⚠️warnings for: mention of transphobia, canon typical violence, tgcf spoilers⚠️

hua cheng is incredibly metaphorically trans. being born under the star of solitude with a cursed eye, he spent his childhood enduring abuse and covering up his face. (one thing that especially sticks with me for a transmasculine headcanon is that he is smaller than expected for a 10 year old, canonically due to malnutrition). still, he snuck into the army out of a sense of duty (re: tmasc hc, i believe he lied about both his age and his gender to enlist). however, to become crimson rain sought flower, instead of harming others, he wrenches the source of his pain (his eye) out of his body with his own hands. once he removes his eye, instead of dying like a weaker spirit would have, he becomes much more powerful and starts forging an identity for himself. his self-mutilation doesn't just free him from the burden of his cursed eye; he eventually claims blood as his signature. for his whole life, hua cheng has been injured and beaten, but after tong'lu, blood becomes a symbol of his power. his blood rain shows that he does not shy away from brutality and that he feels at home within violence.

this is why i'm always talking about hua cheng's DIY top surgery within the kiln. hua cheng carved up his own body in a way that massively empowered him. he reclaims violence as his own natural habitat, rather than something he has been forced to endure. i think this is very transgender; transphobic rhetoric often labels medical transition as mutilation, but to many of us, that is how we become our true selves. it is a tool to make us stronger.

hua cheng's story is about self-determination. despite his circumstances, he was able to literally brute force fate and luck into his favor with the power of his devotion. i also like to read ghost city (and hua cheng's other miscellaneous acts of good) as a metaphor for disability. to the public, it's dangerous and sinful, but in actuality it is hua cheng's way of 'saving the common people'. ghost city provides safe haven for the undead and their wares, making both the mortal and ghost realms safer. the traditional channel for serving believers is from heaven, but hua cheng forged his own path and refused to take part in its corrupt system. he has a radically different approach to executing his goals, so he is excommunicated and misunderstood outside of the vilified community that he provides a home for (the ghost city residents).

it's important to me that hua cheng is trans -- whether in hualian or hualesbians -- because her story revolves around forging her own path, turning the parts of her body that she hated into sources of power, and defining herself (SHE NAMED HERSELF FLOWER CITY!!!). as a spirit, she hangs around because she wants to be the best version of herself: not out of self-love, but because she is a means to an end (the end being xie lian's will).

beefleaf are literally genderfluid in the text. i personally read shi qingxuan as a trans woman rather than genderfluid because she is 1) more powerful as a woman and 2) does it for fun -- being a woman brings her joy. she begrudgingly turns back into a man when her brother tells her she needs to be more proper. additionally, she was raised as a girl and -- iirc -- doesn't have a problem with this.

he xuan, in addition switching back and forth between male and female forms, also has a very trans narrative. they were literally forced to live the wrong life. his power, similarly to hua cheng's, also comes from their body (eating other ghosts). however, hers is additive. she, to me, is the type of trans person that doesn't see their transition as a loss of anything, only a gain (hua cheng, on the other hand, enthusiastically lost his weakened past self). hua cheng killed the girl he used to be, while he xuan morphed into an unrecognizable, more powerful version of herself. hua cheng purposefully built his ideal self, while he xuan strayed from her AGAB more passively.

i don't think that he xuan would crossdress with shi qingxuan if she didn't want to. even if that was the case, i think their woman-sona is very developed for a guy that reportedly doesn't like it. in my headcanon, she is still in denial by the end of the novel. i think that both his love for shi qingxuan AND the unsettling feeling of gender dysphoria would keep him from dissipating. my final and silliest reason for headcanoning he xuan as nonbinary tfem is that she eats a ton because she's on estrogen and is trying to gain boob weight.

tl;dr: trans women can accumulate power by cutting out their eyes and eating ghosts and i think that's awesome

[paper-mario-wiki]

hey, can I ask you for some advice? sorry if this is uncalled for or you just can't answer this, I understand if so

how did you work up the courage to actually get to HRT so fast? I've found out I was a trans woman around when I was 15 and im about to have my 23rd birthday, and due to my financial/working/academic/housing (I live w my fairly conservative parents) situation it does not look like it's in the cards for me any time soon. but also I feel like I should just try to find a way and try to start out ASAP, for the sake of my own happiness. but also im afraid of whatll happen if things go Topsy turvy and I need housing from a family that thinks I'm a freak. how did you do it? again, apologies if this ask feels unwarranted or to big to ask to "Funny lady play tf2 dot blog", but I'm fine if this doesn't see an answer

First of all, I don't have insurance, so keep in mind that I did it out of pocket (note: I am broke).

I used Zocdoc (America only, sorry) to find a hormone therapy consultation, went to that appointment, and they referred me to an endocrinologist. After I got some blood tests done, I got prescribed a 30 day supply of sublingual Estradiol for about $16, again, without insurance. Now, this is of course in Biden's Seattle so it might not be as easy where you are. But at least for me, the process from booking the first appointment, all the way to taking the first pill was about half a month, because I got lucky finding a doctor. During covid, according to my endocrinologist, there was a HUGE explosion of people wanting to medically transition, so a very common thing I've heard is that a lot of doctors are booked out for months. I was lucky enough to get this appointment on Sep 1st, because the next person available in my area wouldnt have gotten me in until November.

Critically, here's my main piece of advice: You can't start until you take the first real action towards accomplishing it outside of your head. You can think, and plan, and crystalize how great it would be if it happened, but you have to actually make the first step and google "HRT doctors in my area", and schedule an appointment. To do it, you must first do it. This goes for many things in life. Simply starting the processes instead of keeping them in my head had me accomplishing many things I never thought I actually would, like starting HRT, going to university in Japan, and moving to Seattle.

Many people like me, including maybe you, are really good at getting in your own head and thinking of every possible way something could go wrong, or could be denied to you. And you get so tied up in the reasoning that you forget about the Doing. To the best of your ability, try to stop thinking, and just start doing. Anything. Choose to do something that you have wanted to for a while. Just one thing. Doesn't have to be buying a plane ticket to France, or confessing a huge secret, maybe start with that thought you had the other day of "ya know I bet pottery on those big goofy wheels is fun" and google 'pottery wheels near me' and see where it takes you. It's easier than you'd think to try. And who knows, at the end of this process maybe you'll have a beautiful vase. Or, even better, a vase with a personality, flaws, and a new hobby that you're excited to get better at.

[dwarf-vader-of-middle-earth]

Transgender Day of Wrath

So there has been many a meme about this for years now, however as a trans man, I know the struggles of transphobia and transitioning well, and how the anger and wrath toward our received hate and given haters, the roadblocks we encounter will pile up, boil over, and cause a heap of sadness.

What I'm proposing is that we DO have a Transgender Day of Wrath.

But not in the way that we hurt others or fight back physically against anybody. No.

Transgender Day of Wrath will be a day dedicated to venting our frustrations of experiencing transphobia, at experiencing the difficulties of transitioning as a whole, whether it be because you're closeted (and willing to share) or because you have various restrictions (medical, legal, circumstantial, etc.). Whatever angers you about being trans, voice it. We will air our troubles online, in person, whatever it may be, to release the pent-up anger we hold inside and otherwise don't have a socially-acceptable place and chance to let it out.

Share without fear, share relentlessly, and do not be afraid to voice your anger and wrath about having experienced transphobia and any general transgender struggles, with whatever vulgarities you have to express them with. Let out that anger. Release it with your every word, and hold nothing back.

The point of this is to give trans people a dedicated space to air our troubles in a healthy way so that we can lead healthy lives with less emotional baggage.

This is not a day to hurt others, to endanger anyone, or to be violent. This is just a day dedicated to letting out our wrath with our words because the power of a voice and being given a dedicated space to healthily release that rage is essential to making peace with your future and moving past it to live better for your own sake.

Keep in mind, this is going to be a sensitive subject for many, and it will inevitably include people who voice their experiences of abuse and mental health struggles in various forms, so I do ask that you take caution, and if able, tag your posts with appropriate trigger warnings so that those who may be triggered by your venting do not have to suddenly come across it and endure trauma as a result.

I want Transgender Day of Wrath to be May 31st.

The reason for this is because we should have a reason to let go of our anger, but have the relieving joy of pride month to look forward to the following day, and for many days after. May 31st is the day of anger and rage released, with the whole month of June being our relief, celebration of our queer identities, and taking pride in who we are, to remind us that life isn't all anger and rage, doom and gloom. There is hope, there is joy, there is celebration.

Let Transgender Day of Wrath be the relief we need.

So!!

May 31st is Transgender Day of Wrath!

Let's all try to be healthy in how we handle ourselves and our emotions. Lead better lives without our baggage to hold us back.

[genderkoolaid]

hey, i don’t know if you know the answer to this, but from what ive seen on your blog you are really well informed about gender stuff. so i saw someone say that transmedicalism is inherently racist and ableist. i was under the impression that transmedicalism is just believing that you need dysphoria to be trans. how is that inherently racist and ableist? if you don’t know the answer that’s okay and i am sorry for bothering you

For the racism:

Transmedicalism is fundamentally based on a Western understanding of transness as a medical disorder. But throughout human cultures, the experience we label as "transness" is seen in a ton of different ways. Many of these do not place special emphasis on one's discomfort with their assigned gender role (assuming that concept is even applicable). On top of it being a generally problematic way of constructing transness, it isn't relevant to all trans people. Transmedicalism tends to be very exorsexist (not believing in nonbinary identity); this is obviously at odds with cultures that have always had gender identities outside of a strictly female/strictly male binary. Transmedicalism tends to be at odds with a culturally relativistic way of understanding transness because of its roots in the Western medical system, which views itself as objective and authoritative.

For the ableism, I'm not 100% what the person you saw's argument was exactly. But I have seen people make the argument that it is ableist because many people have disabilities that prevent them from accessing medical transition in various ways. Now, many transmeds are more concerned with people's desires than what they can feasibly attain; that being said, the way transmedicalism tends to manifest and the worldview it promotes means that everyone who isn't cis(het)-passing tends to be viewed with extreme suspicion. When you divide all trans people into "Real Transgenders" and "fakers who make us look bad," there's an impetus for everyone to constantly be monitoring others' and their own behavior for any signs of impurity. Which means people who can't afford medical transition, people who physically can't get it, people who don't want it, people who are gender-nonconforming (at least in the "wrong ways"), non-white and non-Western people who don't perform to white Western standards of gender... they all tend to be heavily scrutinized. Additionally, transness being medicalized means its subject to the ableism inherent to our medical system. Transness being a disorder means its seen as a problem in need of solving, as a disruption in need of re-aligning with the status quo.

On a more general note: transness-as-a-medical-condition undoubtedly emerged from cissexist views on transness & a desire to control trans people's minds and bodies to prevent us from meaningfully threatening the patriarchy. That doesn't mean anyone is wrong for feeling that is the best way to describe their transness. But as a model for transness in general, it has major flaws, has caused clear harm, and there are very good reasons for moving away from it.

[nerdygaymormon]

How can you support trans people transitioning given they may regret it? It's such a dangerous thing to do, especially since it isn't reversible.

If we were to take your stance that only procedures which are reversible and which have a 0% rate of regret can be performed, and apply it to other medical procedures, virtually no surgeries would ever be allowed.

Transitioning is a process and a person may stop anywhere along the way and not move forward, many never go as far as getting surgery.

For most people it begins by changing their name and the clothes they wear. For any transitioning beyond this, mental health professionals are involved.

The standards of care are that the individual be in therapy before they're allowed access to hormone treatments. In order to qualify for surgery, they need to do hormone therapy for a year and get approval from a mental-health professional. Then they can find a surgeon, do the pre-surgical appointments, and finally get the surgery. It may be that the individual's insurance won't cover the cost of the surgery, so the individual also needs time to raise the necessary funds.

This is not a quick or easy process, usually it takes years before the person gets to the point of having surgery. I don't know any other medical treatment that requires so much documentation and therapy before being able to proceed. This has led to the following joke:

How many trans people does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but they need 3 specialists to sign off that the room is, in fact, dark, before they can make the change.

Some people do de-transition, I believe the statistics are about 8%. For about 2/3 of this group, the detransition is temporary, and usually it's due to external pressures, like difficulty finding a job, pressure from a family member, harassment, and so on.

Because it's such a gradual path supported by psychological counseling, the regret rate is extremely low. The studies I've seen put the regret rate between 1% & 3%. When regret does occur, the reasons vary and it could be medical complications, it could be dissatisfaction with the physical results, or someone could even say they were wrong about their gender identity and regret making the change. For whatever reasons a few people regret transitioning, the regret rate is far lower than other things we allow people to do all the time without getting mental health professionals involved, like getting LASIK eye surgery, knee replacement, getting a tattoo, having surgery for prostate cancer, or having a baby (8%~17% of parents say they regret having a child).

The positive benefit of transitioning (whether it's social, whether it's with hormones, or even with surgery) make such an improvement in the life of most trans people, that to outlaw it would be to cause harm to many people. Safeguards are in place to minimize the number of people who may later regret transitioning, and more data & studies are needed so that we can do better.

[yourfaveisintersex]

Sorry if I'm being extra weird here, but can I hang out with you intersex folks, while I'm myself is perisex? At least to my knowledge

Maybe I hang out at the wrong part of trans community, but they don't seem welcoming anymore and I'm extremely tired of all debates between transfems and transmascs, who has it worse, what's right and what's wrong. You seem very sweet and welcoming in comparison, so much more accepting as well, I really want that. I promise I won't appropriate stuff, I will be respectful, I do my best to learn about struggles you face as intersex people. I'll be good, I promise. Pretty please?

Admittedly yeah this is a weird question, but not to your detriment anon. I'm not gonna make examples but just like... replace "intersex" with any minority group and "perisex" with any majority group and you should see my point.

You might be hanging out in the wrong corner of the community, yeah. I've... unfortunately seen a LOT of intersexism from the trans community, currently the Hot Topics being "umm actually trans is brain intersex (transphobic AND intersexist for reasons I'll let someone else elaborate on at their leisure. but tl;dr "brain sex" is a myth and transmed rhetoric)" and "actually you CAN transition to be intersex trans people litchrally get intersex bodies after medical transition (intersexist, it also implies the reverse which is what the system Wants to do to get rid of us)". Shit sucks and I hate the disk horse but I'll keep all my more Niche Opinions under a cut.

You're allowed to hang around the cookout, methinks. In fact I think it's beneficial perisex people can hang around intersex individuals and existence and listen directly from our mouths. And you might personally benefit from information we tend to share, such as the whole self-advocacy tips with the medical establishment; that's important for everyone to learn. I don't exactly understand what you'd be "appropriating", only think I could reasonably see is like... "transitioning to intersex" or actually maybe pretending to be intersex "for safety" (i.e. "i have low/high T" and etc. in response to people about why your pre-medical transition body is Like That), and some other of those flavors of fetishism of intersex bodies and existence basically. Which, if you are steeped in the community as a perisex person, you SHOULD learn right from the horses' mouths why that's shitty, so that becomes moot.

recent trans separatism discourse discussion under the cut

I hate the Disk Horse over who has it worse too it's such bullshit. I'm firmly planted over on the ""transandrobro"" side whatever that means, because god forbid I believe trans men & mascs have their own unique flavor of oppression because they are trans men&masc? This is more a topic I tend to cover on my main blog thus why this is all under a cut, but to summarize A Bit... Unless you believe trans men & mascs aren't Real Trans (a staggering amount of cis people already believe the only type of trans people are MTF in direction!), why are you upset and, unfortunately based on too many testimonials and screenshots I've been seeing, saying genuinely vitriolic and bigoted things in response to the fact they're starting to complain about their oppression. Also TME/TMA is stupid. Why are we defining ourselves by our suffering or (PRESUMABLY) lack thereof? It feels and IS counterintuitive, based on how I've seen most folk use it. And wildly intersexist but others have pointed it out enough, I need not rehash points.

Obligatory "yes transmisogyny exists too I'm not a moron, same way transandrophobia exists". Or literally whatever word you use in place of transandrophobia, I just use the most popular one because Language Is Meant To Convey An Idea and the haters of it tend to be mad for any word to describe trans men&masc-specific oppression. Anyway, attacking trans women & fems blindly because of this is also just as moronic. This is a very small radical subsection of opinions that is important you point out as such.