#there are a few things in this fandom i consider myself known for but one of those lesser-known things is

[non-un-topo]

I thought it was smart to choose Tuareg veiling as a research topic for an assignment because it's something I'm interested in and want to write about in fics, but now all I want to do is write and I have no time ;;

[caelum-in-the-avatarverse]

Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.

So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.

Lurkers really are great, tho

I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.

Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.

The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.

Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.

There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.

I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available. 

I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.

I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.

So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.

But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.

I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.

Should we gatekeep fandom?

I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--

A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.

That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.

See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.

So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.

The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.

And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”

Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.

Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.

And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.

However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community. 

I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.

And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company? 

And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)

But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.

Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.

Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.

Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists. 

While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:

[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom 

OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]

-

“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.

I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.

It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits. 

So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.

And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.

So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.

Think of it like a garden gate

When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.

The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people. 

Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it. 

Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.

My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.

But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.

I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.

Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.

And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.

Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.

There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.

[sun-kissy]

light | bucky barnes

bucky barnes x sunshine!reader; neighbour au — ★ 1k words

summary: bucky meets you, his bright, new neighbour, and is instantly endeared

tw: nothing, tooth-rotting fluff <3

a/n: first time writing for bucky… please be nice 🥲 consider this my official letter of intent into the mcu fandom on tumblr LOL

Ding dong! Bucky is quick to get to the door, abandoning his attempts at brewing coffee. The espresso machine Sam had gotten him sits sadly on the kitchen platform, likely broken from the looks of the dented knob and crooked buttons. Some things he could get a hang of easily — appliances were not one of them, and neither was using his metal arm with gentleness. He’d have to try and fix it back up later.

He pulls the door open, pleasantly surprised to see you standing there, with your twinkling eyes and sweet smile. Bucky hadn’t known what love felt like in a long, long time. But he thought the ache in his heart when he first saw you came dangerously close to it.

His first encounter with you was a couple of days ago, when he was just moving in. Dr. Raynor had told him that a move would be good for him, giving him a chance to have a fresh start. Bullshit. The only thing he’d gotten out of the new neighbourhood so far was a headache because of the sweltering heat, and a pulled muscle in his arm — the non-metal one — from hauling boxes up the stairs to his apartment.

He was busy cursing his therapist under his breath when you showed up, like some sort of angel in his plight. You jogged over to him brightly, hand wrapped around the leash of a fluffy brown dog. Bucky’s first instinct was to push you away when you offered to help. But you were persistent, and he gave in on account of shutting you up.

Your smile had widened immediately, and he remembered wondering how anyone could be so happy to help a stranger.

He couldn’t have been more wrong. Your enthusiasm only grew with each minute you spent together. It was like you couldn’t stop chattering — asking him where he was from, how long he was going to stay, and everything else under the sun. He hadn’t asked, but he got to know a lot about you too. He now knew you worked in a clinic near the neighbourhood, you lived alone with your dog (whose name was Milo), and that you weren’t particularly close to any family.

Bucky couldn’t help but soften more and more by the second. You were incredibly endearing, all soft smiles and loud laughter. It was like catching the first glimpses of morning light after being locked up in darkness for a lifetime, and frankly, he was smitten. You told him that you lived a few floors up and that you’d be back to visit soon. When you held Milo’s paw in your hand, the dog all bundled up in your arms, and waved him the most adorable little goodbye, he knew he was gone.

He was more than happy to see you on his front door today. You were all dolled up, pink tube top with a frilly white skirt. He couldn’t help the smile that quirked his lips. “Hey.”

“Hi!” you chirp, already digging into your bag for something. Bucky eyes you with an arched eyebrow as you pull out a Tupperware box, handing it to him excitedly. “Brownies.”

“For me?” He hesitantly takes it from you, surprised. There’s a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach.

You step into the house as he pulls the door open wider, confirming it with a nod. “Yeah, for you. Baked them myself.”

“Oh.” He clears his throat, closing the door behind you. No one’s ever done something like this for him before, niceness for the hell of it. It makes him want to pull you into a hug. “Thank you.”

“It’s no problem at all,” you brush him off, flashing him a small smile before turning your attention to his living room. He watches as you peruse the place curiously, eyes darting all over before landing on the espresso machine. “So, James…” you start unsteadily as you walk towards the kitchen.

Bucky lets out a huff of laughter. “James? Where’d you get that?”

“I asked the security guard downstairs about you, didn’t let him off till he told me your name,” you smile sheepishly, twirling your curls around your finger. “He said it was James Buka… Bucha…”

“James Buchanan Barnes,” he interrupts with a fond sort of amusement. “Bucky for short.”

“Bucky,” you repeat with a giggle. “Cute. I like it. Also, do you need help with this?” You gesture at the smoking coffee machine, spilt puddles of the liquid dotting the kitchen platform.

“Oh, um,” he shrugs, a light pinkness dusting his cheeks. “Sure.” He watches as you grab a new mug and pour some milk into the machine. Your tongue juts out adorably as you click the buttons concentratedly. “What’s yours?”

“Y/n,” you mutter, straightening up proudly as the brown liquid starts to spout into the mug. You turn to him with an accomplished grin. “It’s working.”

“Thank you,” he chuckles, heart squeezing in his chest when you give him a wink. “Y/n. That’s a pretty name.”

Bucky swears he can see the blush on your cheeks, but it’s hard to make out with your back turned to him. You busy yourself with wiping the spilt coffee, but he hears the smile in your voice when you thank him.

You hand him his coffee before grabbing one yourself, making yourself comfortable on his couch. He leans against the platform as he talks to you.

Surprisingly, you’re not as chatty today. Perhaps you were more comfortable around him, feeling less of a need to fill the silence. He tells you about the war when you point to a picture on the wall, one from the 40s, in which his arm is slung around Steve’s shoulder. He’s glad you don’t ask about Steve.

Soon, you make to leave. “I have an appointment with a friend,” you smile apologetically as you stand, dusting yourself off. “This was fun, though.”

Bucky nods and walks you to the front door, pulling it open. “It was.”

“See you around sometime?” you ask hopefully as you pull your heels on.

He softens, voice tinged with affection. “Sure. Why don’t you come over for lunch tomorrow, if you’re free?”

“Really?” you beam. “Great. I’ll be here.”

You call out to Bucky as you make your way to the stairs, vigorously waving your hand in farewell. He gives you a small wave in return, trying his best not to smile.

[rabotimagines]

As a fellow G1 lover.. who’s also newer to the transformers show and fandom. May I kindly request a really chaotic bot reader-

Chaotic in the sense of they very much have impulse control, they just don’t use the control part! They can and will say out of pocket things ranging from flirts to flat out saying some of the raunchiest stuff known to cybertronian kind. They love to hang off others if given the okay, will 100% just cuddle whoever if they’re allowed to.

But they also are super sweet, always willing to lend a servo or audial receptor- they love their friends, romantically or platonically. They just want to make sure their people they care for are happy in the war they’re all suffering in.

If it could be with the Autobot base? And maybe with my bots Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, and Jazz?? You’re free to add whoever else you please!!

I do adore your writing it’s amazing!! And easy to go along with to, I love just scrolling through a bunch of it! I hope you have a good timezone!! Take care and take breaks when needed. :]

I shall try to pace myself correctly. Frankly, the robots are the only thing keeping me sane considering the state of the world rn... The horrors may have a hold of my ass but I stay a freak about mechs...

"Chaotic" GN BOT Reader + Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Jazz, Ratchet

Summary: You're Chaotic, affectionate, and, you mean well.

G1 characters: The Lamborghini twins, Jazz, Ratchet

Genre/Theme: Platonic

Pronouns: You, Your, Yours

Notes: I took the "chaotic" as an also off and on the battlefield trait.

Sideswipes one of the few Autobots that's actually usually fine with the physical affection. So it wouldn't be strange to see you hanging off of Sideswipe most of the time. Your arm around his pauldron or linked with his own arm. Sure, he's not a "constant wants to cuddle" type, though, so he'll usually have to revoke privileges when he's not up for it. But about eight times outta ten Sideswipes cool with you touching him in some way.

Sideswipe is almost exactly the same on the battlefield, so he can't exactly scold you for being chaotic there even if he thinks you're going too far. Which definitely takes a lot for him to want to scold you in the first place since Sideswipes impulsive and no bars when the potential to win a fight is on the line. Which usually leads to Cons out right avoiding you both if they see you and Sideswipe together on the battlefield. They don't know what you'll do, but they know sparkdamn well they aren't gonna like it.

If you're cool with it, then Sideswipe will drag you into physical bouts with him when he wants some fun. Wanna do some arm wrestling? Or a full frame spar? If you're game, then he'll be tossing you around and vice versa whenever he's bored and has nothing else to do. That or he's using you to help pull his pranks. Which does lead to you being in trouble, especially if either of you gets caught. But Sideswipe won't leave you out to dry since he's the one roping you into these in the first place. No mech left behind!

-

You better be glad you're getting your physical contact filled in with his twin, because Sunstreaker sure as slag ain't letting you touch him. He doesn't want you scuffing his frame or getting him dirty. Doesn't matter if you were just in the solvent showers- servos off and away. He's messaging Sideswipe to come be his shield whenever he sees you, even if you do respect his boundaries the first time he tells you no. Sunstreaker isn't risking it. Especially not when you're constantly grabbing everyone who lets you.

Sunstreaker doesn't think you're stupid- he knows you're stupid. Because you sure as slag do not seem to care about doing or saying dumb slag when you know it's not gonna go over well. At least it's the entertaining type of stupid. Sunstreaker usually crossing his arms over his chassis and silently stands on the sidelines and stares when you're doing whatever slag you've decided you were gonna do. And he watches the fallout from your own dumbaft choices.

Sunstreaker does take full advantage of the fact that you constantly seem to want to do things for them. Which usually gets him getting verbally reamed out by the officers when he gets caught again, putting his boring menial ark shifts off on you to go race. If he's not using you to get off his shift, he's having you be pack mule for him if he can't (Or doesn't want to) fit something in his sub space. Via having you carrying whatever he doesn't have to be carrying. He gets into it with Sideswipe sometimes because apparently his brother doesn't like how he acts towards you enough to start slag about it. Whatever. It's not like you were complaining about it.

-

Jazz is a bit concerned about your ol' lack of... control. He's used to your by the seat of your aft type behavior, so he's not typically surprised. But that usually doesn't stop him from shaking a helm or tutting his glossia with his signature smile in place. If whatever you're doing dumb is actually seriously dangerous or disruptive, then Jazz will usually scold you if he's gotta. But in all honesty, it usually feels like a mischievous adult cat trying to discipline a kitten. It'll have to be pretty severe if Jazz is gonna scold you proper.

Jazz is also not a mech shy about affection, at least on the ark. Wanna grab him for a few klicks in the cafeteria? Wanna hold his hand down the ark hallway? Go right on ahead. Jazz doesn't like you getting grabby with him off of the base however "Can't have you hanging off of me for the next few klicks. Need to keep up appearances, Capiche?"

Jazz is very nonchalant about you seemingly wanting to do everything and anything for him. He's not royalty or nothin' just your ol' second in command. So he usually has you do things for yourself whenever you try and do something for him. Wanna know what he wants? Go refuel for yourself. Go take a break. Come listen to these new tunes Jazz has saved on his sound system and tell him what ya think. Y'know simple stuff.

-

Your mouth and solvent. Name a more iconic duo to Ratchet, and he might not wash your mouth out with it. You'd be well antiquated with Ratchet due to your own impulsive and rash decisions leading to injuries both off and on the battlefield. You end up in the medbay for some dumb slag once again, and Ratchet would be staring at you with the same withering tired look. Until you start squirming before he's asking "Now was that a good idea?" And waiting to hear your sorry excuse for whatever you did this time.

Ratchet will try to get to the bottom of your own urge to be useful, especially if it's whats causing you to act rash in the first place. Whether it's a psychological one or just an innate part of your programming (or just you), Ratchet wants you to put yourself first, especially in battlefield situations. You wanna do something for Ratchet? Then can you do that for him?

Ratchets not particularly fond of physical affection. He's not adverse to it hardly. It's more something he'll only allow on the occasion. A sideways hug here, a pauldron squeeze from him there. Keep yourself together for the next major battle, and Ratchet will allow a full frame hug! (He says this is a one-time deal, but if you can do it next time as well, he'll give you another one. The tired sap.)

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys <3

I just wanted to talk about something that's really hit me this morning.

I feel like in the past few months, many people in this fandom have chosen to take a step back from fandom spaces, especially more interactive ones like twitter, tiktok, tumblr, etc. We've had a huge influx of people binding works for profit, sending hate on multiple platforms, and literally chasing people out of the fandom. Just this morning, I watched a tiktok of someone in this fandom reading hateful messages he received, and some of them were literal death threats.

Don't get me wrong- I do not blame a single person for privating their works, removing their creations, or taking a step back from fandom. In fact, I think it's absolutely warranted, and mental health comes first. While I would never delude myself into thinking I am as well-known as some of the people who struggle with these things, I myself have considered taking a break a few times, as it can definitely be overwhelming.

However, fandom is first and foremost and escape for me. I use it as a means of coping with past traumas and current stressors, and I have seen the way it has helped literally thousands of people deal with similar things.

I have to be honest. For years, fandom was a more-taboo community of 'nerds' and 'geeks.' When I was a kid, it was absolutely unheard of to read fanfiction, and I hid in my room for hours reading fanfiction.net, terrified someone would find me. But since it's become more socially acceptable, I feel like hate and judgement has only grown.

But the thing is, so many of you guys are ruining this. The hate you are spreading because you don't like a ship or because you dislike the way a fic has been written or because you, god forbid, hate that a character is written as feminine, is ruining this space for so many people. For god's sake, if you don't like it, don't fucking read it. Don't like Jegulus? Don't read it. Don't like transfem Sirius? Don't read it.

For so many people this is the only safe space.

And I'm gonna be so honest when I say that I need this safe space. This is something that keeps me going and helps me so much. So please, before you send hate, or bash a ship, or say something negative about anyone, remember that this is supposed to be fun. This is supposed to be a safe space. This is supposed to be positive. And you are interacting with PEOPLE. Nobody here is a deity, nobody here is above it all, and nobody here deserves the hate that has been spread. (Except JK Rowling).

Sending love <3

P.s. this is NOT me asking you to go after the people spreading the hate. While I enjoy teasing trolls as much as the next person, sending more hate is not the answer.

[emanation-aura]

do you have any more genshin meta rants? i love the ones that you have

awh, thank you anon! I do have a few to pick from (apart from whining about regional specialties or boss mats every so often), but they might be, ah... less popular due to involving significantly more fandom wank. So I'll do a few of these, and if people have questions/expansions feel free to reblog to send asks about them!

Long post under the read more, but in short:

Arlecchino's evil deeds were retconned/given to Crucabena to make her more marketable

Dottore is being set up as the 'evilness scapegoat' for a majority of relevant characters

Genshin is putting down more loose threads than it can tie up

1 - Arlecchino's evil deeds were retconned/given to Crucabena to make her more marketable

Obviously this sounds very combative right out the gate, so let me justify this by citing my arguments.

The mere existence of Crucabena seems to be the perfect scapegoat for historical crimes we learn that have been done to and perpetuated by orphans of House of the Hearth. We've known since Version 2.4 that the title of the Knave changed hands and that the evils of most of the WQs involving the House (Lyudochka, Trofin) are a result of either the previous Knave or Dottore, and crucially, not current Arlecchino. You can argue that just means Arlecchino is a better person than the two of them, but the thing is that Arlecchino isn't significantly different from Crucabena— apart from not running the literal Hunger Games. Arlecchino also says this:

"I hope you understand, the difference between Crucabena and myself lies in our formulation of the rules, not our policy for enforcing them. Upholding the rules without question is a trait we both share, because that is how a household should be run."

My original opinion on this topic was that Genshin did a face-heel turn on the evils of the House to make Arlecchino marketable. But then I remembered the previous Knave stuff was foreshadowed, so I think my actual opinion now is that Genshin has been setting up for a non-evil Arlecchino far in advance by attributing the evils of her organisation to literally anyone but her, even though she also perpetuates them.

This is also why I feel like the memory-wipe during Arlecchino's SQ was a cop-out. Yes, it thematically made sense so I can't entirely begrudge it, but still; Arlecchino thematically considering a loss of memory to mean "death" technically meets the condition where her "policy for enforcing rules" is the same as Crucabena's (also death), but it seems altered in a specific way to make Arlecchino's actions seem more merciful and less menacing than was previously implied. While I liked Ignis Purgatorius Chapter Act I, it did come across as softening Arlecchino's character even though she gets a hulking nightmare-fuel bossfight. I'm happy to hear arguments to the opposite, though.

(And I don't hate Arlecchino; I just think she could have had more opportunities to be morally unpalatable and force the player to think more about her deeds and actions.)

2 - Dottore is being set up as the 'evilness scapegoat' for a majority of relevant characters

Tangent to the above, Dottore has had a hand in almost every semi-'villainous' character's backstory. Dottore (as Escher) practically set up Kabukimono's entire tragic backstory. Even the young child who dies of (implied) Tatarigami, since the sabotage of the Mikage Furnace released Tatarigami everywhere.

Crucially, Dottore/Escher is never mentioned in Scaramouche's backstory pre-3.3. Even though he was a pivotal character who brought pioneering new technology (which was secretly meant to destroy the Mikage Furnace) and an outsider to boot (recall that Kabukimono's outsider status also made him an intrigue to the people of Tatarasuna). The Rather Aged Notes, which tell the story of Tatarasuna from the perspective of the people there at the time, do not mention Escher at all or even hint at his existence. I can't say for certain, but it seems as if he was inserted there as well to provide a clear villain and scapegoat for the Tatarasuna plotline (originally, it seemed like Mikoshi Nagamasa, who slew Katsuragi with his prized claymore the Daitarara Nagamasa [now known as the craftable weapon Katsuragikiri Nagamasa], was just a little fucked in the head, but they even changed the perspective on that to make it an act of willing sacrifice, making the only clear villain Dottore once again.)

Likewise with Arlecchino and Crucabena, Dottore is mentioned as cooperating with Crucabena to siphon off failed children (which, frankly, seems like evilness overkill). Trofin Snezhevich's Aranara quest is also on Dottore's orders. The Eremites (Farrokhzadan and Desert group, which tried to deal with the Tanit) are also under his orders. It seems like every evil thing the Fatui does is tied up in Dottore's dirty fingers.

Which, okay, Dottore is evil, we've seen that many times now. Would it kill the devs to give us Fatui who act on their own malicious impulses rather than tying their stories back to Dottore? Even Crucabena, whom I believe was set up as a moral scapegoat for Arlecchino, suffers a little from her evilness deriving from cooperation with Dottore. It's getting slightly concerning to the point where most of the morally unscrupulous things done by the Fatui are mostly Dottore's fault, and makes me worried about the future Fatui plotline.

3 - Genshin is putting down more loose threads than it can tie up

Disclaimer: while I share this opinion, this was first brought to my attention by a friend of mine.

I think we all know by now that we're closer to the end of Genshin Impact than the beginning. We've completed our travels in six out of the seven nations, and things have been advancing, we've been learning more about the nature of the world and its people...

And yet. There are still many things left unresolved, to the point where it's becoming genuinely concerning whether Genshin can tie them up in time. To name a few topics:

(takes a deep breath) Our sibling, the Sea of Flowers, the Sinners of Khaenri'ah and the true nature of the Cataclysm, the Fatui's plans, what are the moons really? (gasp for breath to break the text block), who are the remaining Descenders, is the Heavenly Principles the Primordial One, why was Natlan specifically more destroyed by the War of Vengeance than the rest of Teyvat, (inhale), the entire implied existence of the All-Devouring Narwhal and "other worlds", Teyvat's cosmology, what's going on with all the Celestial Nails (we know the individual purposes of most of them, but as a grander plan, why?), Project Stuzha, Mini-Durin and Wanderer, the Hexenzirkel, Varka's expedition, the fucking Pyro Gnosis and whether it will end up with the Tsaritsa, also, THE SUSTAINER OF HEAVENLY PRINCIPLES HASN'T EVEN BEEN HINTED AT SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME...

Now, some of the threads left unknown will be solved. We know this, because they're part of the main story. The trouble is, does Genshin have time to solve everything in a satisfactory way? One thing that stuck out to me about Natlan is that it seemed to want to speedrun major, major aspects of lore (moons, seelies/Yohualtehcutin, dragons/Saurians, Abyss) that had previously been only slowly drip-fed. It seems, to me at least, that the devs are rushing; also compare the relative lore-competence of characters in Natlan (Citlali and Mavuika knowing about Descenders) versus elsewhere (such as Nahida, god of wisdom, who only found out about Descenders by trawling Irminsul and reading Fatui records).

There's also some threads that may never get answered. That's fine, in my opinion; it would be boring if they solved everything. But there's also the threat that truly important plot threads, ones that have massive implications for Teyvat as a whole, may never get solved in this case, and that would be a massive missed opportunity.

Like, Hu Tao got the reveal of her father and grandfather's demise (plus an entire new sect of Liyue lore about Tao Du) 4 years after she released. There are other characters with outstanding mysteries about their existence (Bennett, Neuvillette, Childe to some extent, the true nature of the Raiden twins, if Hu Tao could get lore about her parents why can't Thoma's father, who disappeared under mysterious circumstances, get resolved too?, Focalors as a concept and her connection to Remuria/Erinnyes, etc...) and whether there is time to solve all of them is questionable at this point.

We're approaching 6.0, which may or may not be Snezhnaya, and then whatever the 'end-game' looks like. I don't think Genshin will end that soon, but the fact that the end-game is approaching and we aren't even close to being able to piece together crucial pieces of lore for it is a little concerning. My most personal gripe is the Sustainer, since it's been 4 years since we've last seen her mentioned. Like, we don't need to know who she is or anything, but at least a mention or hint towards the nature of her existence would be nice? Otherwise, whenever she re-emerges, the story is going to have a lot of exposition dumping to do.

(Also the Traveler's character stories haven't been touched since Mondstadt, wtf? but that's another rant. If I make this post any longer my fingers are going to cramp, so I'll leave it here for now. If anyone has anything to add/object I'd love to hear your thoughts!)

[suzukiblu]

How did you spread your Ko-fi/ comms? I've had a Ko-fi of my own set up for a little over a month now but I'm struggling to get any commissioners. Do you have any tips?

disclaimer: This is what worked for specifically me and my specific situation/style/etc and I don't know your specific audience or how you typically interact with them, so take or leave what I say in terms of what seems like useful or helpful information to your own situation. I do have some more specific advice for you in the back half, just I'm gonna be starting out with the "this worked for me" stuff.

Anyway actual answer/info behind the cut, hah. God, this is so long and only mostly organized, I apologize, I just get INTO it sometimes when I get asked this kind of thing.

First and foremost, for clarity's purpose and all: I have been on the internet for literally twenty-five years and am WELL established in fandom, as well as someone who has been reasonably popular and/or well-known in multiple fandoms on multiple sites at multiple times. There are literally people following me who were reading my stuff ten or fifteen or even the full twenty-five years ago. Given your profile says you're in your twenties I may have LITERALLY been online longer than you have been alive, haha.

So like, I've been at this a minute and have a LOT of experience in engaging and maintaining an active audience because that's a thing I value having and therefore do my best to encourage; it just works best for my process. So if you're feeling a little vexed with the response you're getting, know that this is all coming from a much-experienced Old(tm) who has had issues getting commissions and attention several times themselves and just currently has a decent chunk of followers and a very communicative "yes and" writing style and is, as a writer, WILDLY prolific. Like. WILDLY prolific. Genuinely, I am not trying to brag or talk myself up here or anything, I just straight-up feel like I haven't written at all if I don't break 2k in a day ( and even 2k feels kinda low to me at this point ), and I write EVERY day.

Literally. Literally every day. Like I missed two days after I got COVID and solo-drove four hours and needed to sleep for a week to recover, and I missed one day at the beginning of this month because I was real burned out from writing 32k more than usual last month and just needed to veg for a day. That's it, that is it all. Those are literally the only days that I have not written in like, the past SEVERAL months. Like, the high end of "several", to be clear. Occasionally I have a lighter day and only write a few hundred words, but typically I do somewhere in the range of 2.5-3.5k, and on my more productive days I can break 5 or 6k easy. That is the kind of person that you have asked for advice here, haha. 😅 So like . . . I'm low-key a freak, productivity-wise. Like I am the living embodiment of that one interview where George R.R. Martin is staring at Stephen King with visible fear in his eyes as the dude describes how many billions of pages he writes a day like it's no big.

tl;dr: I write SO. SO. MUCH. So much, and ALSO I have a backlog of something like two million words on AO3 and definitely hundreds of thousands more words under my tags list on here on top of that. People get a LOT of content when they get into me, I am MADE of content. I have built up a lot of momentum over time, that's just what's worked for me personally.

Also I'm cheap, ngl. I'm just--I'm very affordable, Ko-fi-wise. So I am sure that helps, considering!

ANYWAY. Some of this advice is not going to sound relevant to Ko-fi, but it is relevant to how I personally use Ko-fi, so yeah, here we go:

Always remember: everyone on the internet has social anxiety. Yes, even the people who don't actually have social anxiety. Just go into everything assuming most people you meet on here are gonna be shy or nervous or just feel awkward striking up a conversation with you out of the blue, especially if they've never really spoken to you before. It doesn't matter if they don't actually have social anxiety, thinking that way just puts you in a mindframe to be mindful when you're talking to them and being mindful in your communication makes people more comfortable with things like messaging you with questions and the prospect of going through the commission process with you.

Generally just assume the best of people's intentions whenever possible, and when their intentions are clearly not the best, just move on and don't engage. It is a lose-lose situation; you are not gonna convince them of anything and you're just gonna look like a dick to people who don't have the context and leave a sour taste in their mouths. Which, long story short, people are just way more likely to enjoy your stuff and WAY more likely to commission you if you're putting your best foot forward whenever possible. I definitely try not to get too negative on here myself; like I'm not doing any toxic positivity or anything, just I am here to vent some feelings and make some friends and enjoy the process, and I wanna cultivate a setup where other people can benefit from that too.

Link. Link link link. How easy is it to find your Ko-fi link? Make it easier than that. Keep it in your pinned post and on the front page of your actual blog and in your back pocket and stapled to your sleeve. When you post a commission, link your commission info in the description. When you talk about your art in general, link your commission info in the body of the text--like for example, "I'm trying to use my Ko-fi more" or "I finished up my last commission, I have some slots open again". ( used my own Ko-fi links for reference here, obviously, hah, but specifically linking to your main page OR just straight to your actual commissions page are both useful options. linking your main page introduces you as a person more effectively, while linking straight to your commissions page removes a step for people and makes it easier for them to find the info they're looking for. )

Communicate! Remind people that your Ko-fi/your commissions exist every now and then. Like, definitely not daily or weekly, but depending on how often you update your blog in general, maybe once every month or couple of months give people a heads up if you've got commission slots open/available. That way they're not awkwardly peering at the pinned post you put up months ago wondering if you're still actively open or just forgot it was in your pinned, and also it gives a heads up to people who might've been thinking about or meaning to commission you that you're available for work.

Post consistently in general; not just about commissions or Ko-fi, obviously, just like making yourself available and open to people and hanging out WITH people. Answer as many asks as you have the spoons to. Talk about stuff you like and stuff you're excited by and into. Like obviously not everyone can do this but I personally post a lot on here and I definitely UPDATE a lot on here; generally speaking if someone swings by my blog once or twice a week, there's gonna be at least a few hundred to a few thousand words of new stuff for them to read ( or SEVERAL thousand, even ). Or to look at, when I'm feeling arty.

Answers asks and make personal posts. Like I'm not saying trauma-dump on your followers or use Tumblr like a diary, definitely, but it's a good idea to give people a bit of an idea about yourself in terms of things like talking about your dog being cute or if you're going to be out of town on vacation or how your process works or just new or different things that you're trying out/experimenting with/interested in. Bluntly put, you want people to remember you are a person who wants to hang out with them and not just a Content Generator to be "liked" and then scrolled on past, and you want to engage with them and try to talk to them when they talk to you and generally be, like, approachable. In my case I just do my best to assume the best of every interaction and try to notice who's regularly popping up in my notifs and remember what I can about them. This does not always work for me because my memory is swiss cheese, but I do what I can there because I very much appreciate people engaging with my stuff ( and also my me, haha ) and I think communicating that kind of thing to people usually makes them feel good, and in turn you feel better about what you're doing and how people are responding to your work, and then you're more motivated TO work and maybe they catch some mistakes for you or have good ideas that vastly, VASTLY improve what you had in mind. The circle of fandom! The life cycle of a WIP!!

Which leads us into: you need to be doing things that are very recognizably You(tm) and cannot just be picked up for free just any random anywhere. Which like, that can be an issue with fanart, obviously, because the internet is FULL of free fanart, so what you probably want is to be looking to court people who are looking for art of their fics/AUs or their own original characters. Like your style is very distinctive for sure, that's definitely a good thing, so leaning into your personal interpretations of characters is a good idea, and it does look like you're doing that with the stuff of yours I've seen. I would just say lean into your own designs and own little quirks of styling and stuff you really love to draw and go hard on all of it. Once you really feel it out, the stuff you are REALLY vibing with is the stuff that is gonna resonate with people the most significantly in the long run, in my experience. Even if it doesn't always get the same level of response as less niche stuff does, it'll very likely get a more DEVOTED response, and people who'll come back for more of it. I did not write so dang much of Darcy Lewis in my MCU days because her fans were uninvested in seeing new content for her, put it that way.

Also, I AM in fact cheap; I have a few different price options on my Ko-fi and two-thirds of them are five bucks or under. The nature of how I personally do Ko-fi means I'm adding words to already-established stories, though, so people are coming in invested and more willing to donate so they can find out what happens next. Which, like, is obviously not something that works with art commissions, unless you're doing something like "when I hit this donation goal I will draw the next page of this comic script I have written in thanks for hitting the goal". But honestly, sometimes doing a limited amount of projects and getting people interested/invested in said projects is more cost-effective in terms of your time and energy and less overwhelming than doing a million different things all at once. Plus it gets your audience more story to chew on in the long run and I have NEVER met anyone who complained about a fuller narrative happening to them.

Mind, I don't actually know if you're the comic-making type, comics are just the first example I thought of, but also you do have to make sure you're giving people enough content to be invested in to begin with. Sticking with the comic example, people aren't gonna donate to see more of a comic if they don't know they LIKE your comics, so doing some shorter ones and posting a nice selection of those first and THEN doing a donation goal is more respectful of your audience because you're clearly actively interested in them and want to make things you can share with them, not just, like, collect their Ko-fi donos, and at the same time it's also just better advertisement for you. Ethical marketing, basically; there's plenty of content you shared freely, and you're also posting the things that get crowdfunded for everyone to see and not paywalling anything, and ideally building some community and making some friends along the way. Which, like, obviously substitute whatever works for you for "comic" here; I personally just find having overarching narratives/stories/settings helps people get invested and enjoy themselves more with your stuff, and also be likelier to REMEMBER your stuff. Come up with an AU, do some little comics or illustrations in it or some design work for it. Just make a thing that is very specifically YOU and what you like.

On that note: get niche. Get weird. You REALLY don't wanna be making stuff that is not as You(tm) as possible and can just be picked up anywhere. You wanna make the kind of stuff where people go "I wanna see more like this, fuck, who else is even MAKING this, alright OP please do me a solid and have more of this on your blog--fuck YEAH you do, look at all this, okay I live here now". In fandom terms: yes, everyone loves Timkon, Timkon'll get likes, it'll probably even get comments, but if you really want to find the diehards who are gonna lock in and ENGAGE, you wanna make sure you also do the niche shit that you're telling yourself everyone else is gonna think is too weird or just not be interested in. Shut up, imposter syndrome, people LOVE weird! People WANT weird, this is fandom, we're a largely queer subculture that's reclaiming our modern mythologies from capitalism, we're not here for the normie shit! We'd be rereading canon again if we just wanted the normie shit!

Seriously, being openly weird and leaning into said weird is a VERY definite reason that people recognize and remember my writing as opposed to, like, just consuming it and moving on without even noticing there was an author involved. If people vibe real hard with the themes you get really into working with or really like the unique parts of your style/voice or appreciate the way you handle certain subjects/characters/weird niche shit, they're a lot likelier to remember you and either come back or just stick around from the start. Like attracts like and your "like" will be delighted to have found you, and you will get to enjoy the benefits of BEING found by your fellow niche weirdos and all be thriving together! Everyone wins!

Also, I have some more specifically tailored practical advice/critique that is based off my immediate reactions to what I saw when I clicked over to your blog/Ko-fi, which definitely take with a grain of salt because I am giving it without being familiar with your process/situation/audience and from a different position. I'm just trying to be less general and offer some stuff that might be more specifically useful to you. So like, please feel free to hit me up in DMs or asks if you wanna talk about any of this in more detail or get some clarification on anything I'm saying here, this is just what I've got from my initial impressions and off the dome.

Also-also, again, this is all based on what's worked for me personally, so I'm sure there's some stuff that might not be applicable to or just not vibe with you because of that. So like please don't take this as me trying to smack down what you've been doing so far or anything, I'm just trying to be thorough in building on it and also, like, my graphic design experience definitely slipped into some of this, hah.

So to start I took a quick look at your blog to see how easy it was to find your Ko-fi and then a quick peek at your Ko-fi itself to see how it was set up. I found your Ko-fi immediately, which was good! Having it in both your bio and your pinned is definitely the right idea. I did have to expand your bio to find the link that was listed in there, which not everyone will do while scrolling past, but that's just like, nitpicking on my part since you do have the pinned post directly beneath it. I just am very much "make literally everything as easy as possible for everyone ever in every possible way".

It'd probably be helpful to mention that you're open for commissions in the "about" on your Ko-fi's front page so people don't have to scroll too far or click any links to find that out/have that confirmed. You may also wanna either slim down the descriptions in your commissions listings or break them up into paragraphs; you wanna do your best to avoid big solid blocks of text because people are likelier to only skim those and therefore less likely to absorb the information.

Skimming is also bad because it means people are less likely to notice that something you're describing appeals to them, and are way MORE likely to end up confused. "Confused" ups the chances that they just decide they don't wanna bother you by asking for clarification, given they might feel stressed by asking or pressured to buy or just like they're bothering you.

Avoiding text blocks is also just gonna make your descriptions wayyyyy easier to read for people who are dyslexic or have vision problems or possibly didn't learn English as their first language ( depending on their fluency for that last one, obviously, but you never know so yeah ). Basically you wanna make the commission process as quick and effortless and A-to-B as possible for people; your goal is "how can I make this process as close to one-click shopping for people?" Your goal is to become the Occam's Razor of commissions.

Your promo sheet on Tumblr I'd say could be an issue in the sense that it's a little difficult to read; you want people to not have to think about it to clock it as what it is. I only immediately knew it was a commissions sheet because I went in looking for one, and you want people to INSTANTLY know it is a commissions sheet. Like, before they even process anything about it, they should have the instinctive recognition of "this is a commissions sheet" and be primed to read a commissions sheet.

The main issue I see is that the sheet's layout is pretty dense and lacks visual flow in its composition; the prices are scattered and the font on the header is hard to read at a glance; my reflexive assumption from the moment it took to recognize it as text and the overall layout of the graphic was that it was a border, not a header. And like, I figured it out like half a second later, yeah, but that first couple of seconds can disorient or confuse people or just make them just scroll by without stopping to read, because it's not a tall image and the image is ALWAYS your best chance to catch somebody's eye, especially when deliberately going for art commissions.

The first thing I actually read off the sheet was "X no NSFW GORE", which I was initially unclear on the meaning of and had to reread to realize what you meant, but either way is not the first thing you want me to read; it should definitely be on the sheet and very visible, but not positioned to be the first thing someone's eye goes to. It belongs off to the side in a lower corner or just over on the right-hand side. Right now it's too high and too emphasized in comparison to the actual header, which is very much what you WANT people reading first.

There's almost no negative space on the sheet and some of the example art you've included is shrunk down so small that it's REALLY hard to read unless you've seen the larger pieces before, so I think considering doing two or three complementing slides so you can spread out your offerings/pricing and make your examples bigger would really be helpful there. I think it's a really good idea to include multiple pieces as examples, it shows your range and makes it clear what people are gonna be getting for their money; that's definitely the way to go imo. You just also wanna be sure that people can see the details and get the full vibe of your art and the work you put into it. Like, I REALLY love that pic of Match you have down at the bottom, full disclosure I realize we have like never spoken but it is literally my phone background and has been since the day I first saw it ( my lock screen being the complementing Kon pic, natch ), but you can't see any of the cool little details I know are in it with it shrunk down that small. I wanna see his eyes and the detail in his hair and the phone cord wrapped around his throat and the heart freckles, I LOVE those dang heart freckles! And like, those are also interesting little quirks and creative things that will make people think, "oh, I like how that looks, if I commission this person I'll get a cool pose or creative styling or fun details out of it!", so they are definitely the kind of thing you should make sure to show off when you are showing off your work.

I personally tend to go for vertical posts over horizontal ones, given Tumblr is meant to be scrolled and it's more important that people's eyes get caught by something in the scrolling process than that your graphic expands across the screen in the best fit; a lot of people won't even click on the image to expand it anyway. You do want to make sure it'll stay readable if they DO click, of course, so I'd personally recommend stacking two or three horizontally-composed sheets on top of each other to make the POST'S composition vertical. Scrolling down is how people traverse this site; you want to lean into presentations that read well when they're being scrolled down.

The accompanying text below the actual sheet is also not as neatly balanced/formatted as it could be, so it looks less . . . hm, less INTENTIONAL, maybe? Less thought-out than it could be, at least. It makes it harder to read at first glance and doesn't give off a professional vibe. Using bullet points or indents or headers can help with that kind of thing and just make it easier for the eye to follow along and for people to read/focus on what you're saying. ESPECIALLY when you're doing promos/price lists you want to have the most stripped-down and functional version of the text you can manage. You wanna get your point across as clear and succinct as you can and make sure there's negative space around your text so the words can be read quickly and the text itself can breathe, visually-speaking. Negative space is your friend.

Yes I realize talking about the VISUALS of text is a little weird but listen man, you're an artist, you get what I'm saying here. You wanna make the actual first-glance look of your text aesthetically appealing and easy to follow through at the pace and in the order you want it followed. Which like, takes some practice, obviously, but again, I have been here for twenty-five years, haha. Just this is a very visual site and very scroll-oriented, so you wanna do your best to be eye-catching! That's why I frequently post my finished fics with a little accompanying image, just to make sure they stick out to people in the tags.

uhhhhh okay this was a lot, lol, sorry for dumping a ton of info all at once there, but hopefully some of it will be helpful to you! Even if some of it probably sounds weird and way too concerned with curb appeal, haha. Sometimes you just gotta put in some grind and build your momentum, sometimes it's really just that; in the meantime, just try to be approachable and enjoy yourself! If you build it, they will come.

[fluxweeed]

hi i'm a grouchy old hag muttering to myself in my hut in the woods

1. not everyone finds it hurtful to find out that people are discussing their fic in private discord servers or on tiktok, actually. i for one passionately don't care that people aren't only mentioning my fic where i can see it. ofc i'm curious when one fic gets a sudden unexplained boost in kudos for a few days. am i HURT that i don't know exactly where the new readers are coming from? am i upset that the boost in hits/kudos isn't accompanied with a flurry of praise? am i sad that i can't jump into the discussion? i am not.

2. the messaging of "okay but you wouldn't post the fic if you didn't enjoy validation" makes me want to delete my ao3 immediately kasdjhfg. people post things for all sorts of reasons thank u!! my personal motivation is i'm trying to make myself feel better about making imperfect things!! the idea that by posting fic i'm inherently coming across as seeking praise makes me want to throw up. (since this discussion started, i've considered disabling comments on my fic for this reason – but i'm worried that move is so non-standard that it'll end up coming across even MORE that i want attention 😭)

3. i also pretty firmly disagree with "commenting on fic builds community!" personally i feel the community spirit when i'm in a server discussing which weasley has the biggest dick (percy). i don't feel it when people are being nice to me in my fic's comments. i'd almost go as far as to say community CAN'T be built when one person is praising another bc there's an inherent imbalance. sure, writers can mutually read and comment on each other's fic and become friends/community co-members that way, but what if u don't write? who's in YOUR comments telling u how great u are? idk about anyone else, but when i am in a community space (like a discord server) and someone starts being nice about my fic, i feel awkward; the focus shifts from a shared enjoyment onto something inherently UNshared, because one person is the creator and the others are readers. that's not to say that these interactions shouldn't happen, but imo it's disingenuous to say that's the core of fandom community.

4. i really can't stress enough how crazy it makes writers when they're writing for praise/validation. i've had conversations with very well-known drarry writers where they've been genuinely upset that nobody is reading their fic (the fic in question had hundreds of comments). i've had conversations with people who take part in fests, only to continually sort the works by stats and feel awful that theirs isn't at the top. i've had conversations with people who have had multiple devastating life events happen to them so they're struggling to write, and the lack of New Fic Comment Validation makes them feel 10x worse. i can't help but feel like if you ARE posting for feedback (or "recognition" or however you want to package it), it's genuinely not good for your brain.

5. obviously there's nuance to all of this! it's a big topic! i'm sure everyone experiences this differently! but notice how we're talking about it on tumblr, not in ao3 comments. it would probably be even more productive in a discord server. in a voice chat. you know – fandom community spaces like that.

6. can y'all keep the next round of discussions to like 700 words max pls lmao i have stuff to do

[irregularcollapse]

Hiiii just wanted to pop in and say I watched Masters of the Air and I really enjoyed it! Wouldn’t have known about it/known to look for it were it not for you and I enjoyed spotting all the moments I remembered seeing you reblog gifs of as I watched it ❤️ you’ve successfully carried on the grand tumblr tradition of influencing people to watch a show with gif sets! I can’t decide yet if I want to read any fic for it or not but if I do decide to I’ll definitely start with yours 👍🏼👍🏼

This is SO exciting to me hooray! I've managed to trick a few people into watching MOTA because I knew they'd like it, and it feels like an achievement every time. There's a lot I really like about it as a show, but especially the core performances, and John and Gale as characters. Personally, it resonated with me more than other war shows I've tried to watch, which is just a matter of individual taste really. I'm as surprised as anyone to find myself writing fic about military men 🤪🤪🤪

No pressure to read fic at all (though it's very nice that you're considering reading mine waowww ty ty) but this message was a perfect reminder for me to do something that I keep forgetting to do because my brain is a sieve, which is to shout-out a few writers whose stuff I have been enjoying recently, who I haven't personally seen recc'd a whole lot and so may fly under the radar (not a pilot pun, I swear) if you go looking for other fics. Alphabetised!

@blixabargelds / hart who is not only a brave writer, but one who writes with raw vulnerability that makes each work a visceral, multi-sensory experience, and truly approaches writing with a purpose and intent which radiates off the page -- as do strength of concept and the truthful, emotional weight that sits behind everything Frankie writes

@constanthaunt / justfine whose writing has such a beautiful cadence and flow to it, and who has such a rich understanding of not only how to use these particular characters but of how people work, and produces writing with real emotional nuance and depth

@feyd-meowtha / feyd_meowtha whose writing has a heightened, shiny quality to it that I really want to spend more time delving into. There's a real sense of fun and playfulness in what I've read of their work, and a clear enjoyment of the texture of words

@pleasuretrade / PleasureTrade has big things on the way I'm sure, because the snippets I've read have a really deft command of interaction and dynamic -- such lovely character interplay that I can't wait for more of, and dialogue which settles so organically and authentically

@reallylilyreally / ReallyLilyReally whose writing has a warmth and affection for character in it that is lovely to read, and really demonstrates how observation and action are the best tools for constructing characterisation. I've found a real "slice of life" quality in what I've read of their work which is so clever and well-executed, and I'm so keen to read more

@shipstorms / ipsilateral writes with a precision of word choice that I appreciate so deeply, and everything in each sentence feels so well-placed, and in their work as a whole there's such excellent use of pacing -- every paragraph serves a purpose

@soliloquy-dawn / soliloquy_dawn is so lyrical and lovely, with a richness of style that poses a confident challenge to the misconception that all detailed writing is "purple prose" (simply not true!); to me, Dawn's writing shows that often more is more and immersion is achieved best through a luscious focus on detail

@weimarweekly / VoluptuousPanic is delivering a masterclass on character voice with Looking for Eight, with writing that balances interiority, experience, and visualisation in such a delightful way. There's specificity in vernacular which is so competent and impressive, and the flow from a sentence > paragraph > chapter level carries you along in such a natural, gorgeous way

For a relatively small fandom, the writing side is quite prolific! There's a lot getting written all the time and I know I find it hard to keep up (and am sure a lot of people do). This list is hardly a dent in what I've enjoyed and who I've read! But it's stuff that's dug into my brain in the best way.

[delta-pavonis]

WIP Word Train + Tag Games

So I have gotten tagged a bunch of times in the past 40 days and I AM GOING TO RESPOND TO THEM ALL AT ONCE BWAAAHAHAHA. No, really, I have been a bit MIA from fandom, but I have been plugging away at a whole slew of fic across Dreamling, Jayvik, and Adrian/Olrox (Castlevania). There are going to be at least 5 WIPs represented here.

Rules for Word Train Game: tagger gives a word, then for each letter of that word you share a sentence/excerpt from your WIPs that start with that letter.

Rules for Tag Game: Post the last line that you wrote and tag someone for every word in that line.

Oh, and if you want to do this? CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED. Your word is BIRD. :D

First up, SMILE from the lovely @unpredictable-probabilities

S (How is this the hardest fucking letter to find what the fuck am I writing?!) From a Jayvik fic that started with a crazy idea that I posted about on BlueSky.

Sliding down the wet tiles to sit on the shower floor, Viktor wonders if he is going a little insane.

M From a future chapter of do i have to die to hear you miss me?

“Mmm, I don't remember any oaths in your daydreams of me that night.” Dream smirks as he sees Hob put the pieces together. “You could see… my daydr-,” his eyes widen, “Have you really known how I felt for that long?!” Then he blushes. “Oh, fuck, I think I remember some of the things I first fantasized about…” Dream stops Hob with a gentle kiss. “Sshhh. You thought nothing to be ashamed of.” He sucks at Hob’s bottom lip. “Actually, I think fucking you up against a wall is an inspired idea.” 

I From a WIP I don't know if I will every finish, but old mage Viktor goes back in time and talks to his younger self as another way to divert events into a better timeline. This is after the younger Viktor has taken his old self's advice.

If it wasn't for his partner’s strength Viktor would collapse to the floor in a heap. As it is, Jayce tilts his body to the side and pops up onto one knee, all while having a steel grip on Viktor's waist, so that he lands straddling Jayce's thigh.  Somehow their lips find each other immediately. It quickly becomes aggressive, more teeth than tongue, and Viktor slides his hand down Jayce's abdomen to the front of his pants and— The fine linen is soaked. And tacky.  Fuck. Jayce came in his pants sucking Viktor's cock. While hiding in the shadows of a door on a balcony outside some Piltie society party. And oh how that makes his spent dick twitch in interest.

L From the next chapter of ignition, my grad TA!Viktor/undergrad!Jayce fic.

Long fingers card into Jayce's wet hair and it helps ground him, makes him feel a little less like he is blurring at his edges.  “What do you want, miláčku? You can tell me.” Jayce buries his face into Viktor's neck and clutches at his waist.“I don't… it's hard to describe.” He concentrates on breathing. “I wish…” Another whimper, unbidden, as a wave of desire crashes into him again. “I want to touch you everywhere. I want to taste everything. I want to hear the different sounds that you make as I lick each and every inch of you. I want… I envy the water because of how it gets to learn every possible path over your body. I want to follow every drop with my tongue.”

E From a Dreamling+John Constantine fic that was borne of this Insta and @aralezinspace's pointing out that the first few lines I had written could be Keanu Reeves Constantine. Right now the WIP is just titled "Eiffel Tower of Hatred."

“Either you bid him come willingly or I go get him myself.” His voice booms around the room and Hob is half hard in his tiny shorts with how it vibrates the floor. “One of those options will be decidedly more pleasant.” Hob just stares at Dream for a moment and then shrugs helplessly. “Alright. I have no idea what you are losing your otherworldly shit about, but I will get him over here. And then you better explain what exactly is going on in that pretty eldritch head of yours.” He picks up his phone and dials. John answers on the second ring. “I’ll be disappointed if you are calling off tonight, sweetheart,” comes through the speaker. Hob pointedly ignores both the fact that Dream hissed again when John called him ‘sweetheart’ and the fact that it has only made him harder in his pants. “Requesting a change of venue. Can you come to my place? I’ve got an… issue… the needs working out. And it's better done here.”

__________________________________________ Next on deck, LENGTH from my darling @valeriianz

L Same Jayvik fic as the letter 'S' above...

Laughing breathlessly at his partner’s unabashed delight at being called ‘good’, he runs the fingers of one hand through Jayce’s hair. With the other, the one from which the panties still dangle, he cups Jayce’s jaw. “Yes. You did so well for me, Jayce. My dear, sweet pet. Would you like your reward?”

E Same Jayvik fic as the letter 'I' above, but a longer scene, because I really, really like this scene and I don't know if the rest of it will ever see the light of day. Takes place before the scene above.

Every instinct in his body wants to say no. He has absolutely no desire to be in front of any crowd, let alone that crowd. But then he remembers what himself-from-the-future said and swallows it all down. “Yes, we are.” Jayce had already started to walk away, anticipating his answer, and so wheels around to look at Viktor in stunned shock. “I will accompany you… as long as you don’t make me speak.” Very slowly Jayce lights up as he realizes what Viktor said. It is like staring into the dawn, bright and beautiful. And I caused that. Viktor feels warmth bloom in his chest. “Really? You will?” Viktor can't help but smile; Jayce’s unbridled joy makes him feel bold. “We’re not revealing the new hextech, so it isn't like I have anywhere else to be.” Jayce is still beaming at him. “Besides, you asked me.” The blush that colors Jayce’s cheeks makes the comparison to the dawn even more apt. The beauty brings Viktor to stillness when Jayce takes a step into his personal space. He looks up into that soft, glowing gaze and for a moment is absolutely convinced that Jayce is about to kiss him. But then his partner does something even more devastating. Jayce's hand finds Viktor’s wrist, the one not being used to help prop him up on the crutch, and slides down until he can tangle their fingers together. Viktor forgets how to breathe. “Partners,” he whispers, with a smile. Not looking away from Viktor, Jayce holds out his other hand. “Ms. Young, the speech please.”  Then, with a squeeze and a tug of their joined hands, Viktor finds himself being led onto the stage.

N From the upcoming chapter of wild horses:

“No.” Hob touches the side of Dream's face. “No doubt. I see it. I feel it. I hear it in your voice every night. I just don't understand why. How, when you could literally have anyone, you could possibly want me.”

G From a future chapter of do i have to die to hear you miss me?

“Gonna explore that,” he pants, more heavily than before, “later. Now, I want,” his teeth nip at Dream's skin, bright flashes of pleasure that spark down his spine and make him rut down into Hob. “To ride you.”

T From a sequel to you create me against your lips (aka Hellknight!Hob) inspired by this amazing art by @teejaystumbles

“The ruby was a vessel for some of my power. It held some of it apart from me.” He lets Hob process that himself. It only takes a moment for it to click. “And if I did the same… could I make myself powerless against you? For a short while?” “With only the ruby you could get most of the way back to how you were on that first night in the palace.” Dream gives in to his urges and nuzzles the collar, licks along the edge of it. That makes Hob writhe against him, hips rolling back, head tilting away to give better access. “And I could fashion a collar that could seal away the rest.”

H From the start of my almost-finished at close to 10k modern-day-setting-and-Netflix-canon-compliant Adrian/Olrox fic.

He rolls his head, straight black hair falling in a cascade to make an opaque curtain on one side of them, a way to prevent prying eyes. “Hello, little one,” the vampire purrs, curving forward again. He brushes their noses together and grins. “A club like this is not at all where I expected to meet you.” Olrox starts kissing along Adrian's jaw, down his neck, speaking in fits and spurts as he goes. “How many? Years? Has it been?”

__________________________________________ Last of the games from February, Last Line Tag from another author I fangirl for, @tj-dragonblade

You technically tagged me on February 21 and here is quite literally the last line I wrote on February 21, at 11:54pm. Viktor POV, from a Jayvik fic. Jayce is holding the edge of a drafting table.

He isn't going to let Jayce touch him until the poor thing has come at least twice, until his fingers ache from holding the edge so tightly.

__________________________________________ March brings me SMART, also from @tj-dragonblade

S Also from the next chapter of wild horses:

So Hob tries to extend himself some grace when, as he parks his bike in front of the four-car garage and makes his way up to the front door of the small mansion, he gets walloped with a wrecking ball of what is essentially sexual imposter syndrome.  “How the fuck did I get here?” He murmurs to himself, taking the walk slowly.  It isn't that he doesn't think he can sub in a proper scene—well, maybe it is a little of that—he just cannot get around the persistent ‘Why me?’ that runs in circles in his brain. Part of him is still waiting for the other shoe to drop; waiting for this insanely gorgeous, sexually talented, wickedly intelligent, and sharply witty person to look in a mirror and realize that he could walk into any bar in the entire country, point to a person, purr in that velvet rumble, ‘You. I am going to fuck you,’ and only the staunchest of aces and most determined of lesbians would be able to refuse him. 

M From another Jayvik WIP I might never finish, a crossover with Dreamling that was inspired by some excellent observations by @academicblorbo, which means Viktor is Daniel.

Morpheus hums in confirmation as he steps up beside him. “Your integration with the hexcore will make you uniquely qualified–you have experience managing and guiding great power.” “Not successfully, I would note. We had to destroy it.” “And yet you have no doubt learned a lot from the experience. That knowledge will not be lost when you become Dream. Further, you have walked a land without dreams and therefore know their importance.”

A More Adrian/Olrox, same WIP as above, set modern day.

Adrian watches as Olrox thumbs open the button of his pants and sits up on his knees; now Adrian has to tilt his face up to make eye contact. The club’s lights flash behind Olrox, and with the lights immediately above them dimmed he is haloed in beams of neon pink and yellow, his hair shot through with streaks of blues and greens. Fuck, it is no wonder he is the favored of a god—they no doubt couldn’t resist him either. 

R From the 'Eiffel Tower of Hatred' fic mentioned above. Italics are John Constantine on the phone.

“Right.” He still sounds like he doesn't believe Hob for shit. “Be there in twenty.” Then he hangs up. Hob sighs and throws the phone onto his bedside table. Then he grabs his robe off the hook on the inside of his bedroom door and covers himself up. And fuck him if when he doesn't look to Dream and see disappointment in his beautiful face.  What is happening right now?! “Dream, what is going on?” Hob sits on the edge of his bed and motions for his friend to sit next to him. “Not gonna lie, the Lord of Dreams being judgemental about something like this isn't what-” “I am not. Judging. You.” Well, at least his voice has simmered back down. He sits and stares pointedly forward, not looking at Hob. “Your fantasies are your own. I only.” In a decidedly human gesture, Dream takes a deep breath and Hob feels more adrift than ever. “While the matrilineal line of Constantines has been useful to me over the years, John is one in a long line of male Constantines who are a persistent thorn in my side. And that he would touch you like that despite my mark is-” “Excuse me?!” Hob jolts. “Your what?”

T From the upcoming chapter of wild horses:

“There you are,” Dream looks down at him with an affection that stokes a fire deep in Hob's belly. “Warmed up and pliable. Like clay. With your permission, I want to cleave into you in a way you haven't experienced before. I want to push and pull and stroke and pry until I find the core of you. Until I can touch it.” A chaste press of lips that lingers before he speaks again. “May I? Mold you to my will?”

__________________________________________ And last, but certainly not least, leader of all five of us still cheering on the Alurox ship, tagged me in a last line game @ifishouldvanish

Of course, you get the very last line I wrote from my Adrian/Olrox modern fic. This is Olrox speaking, almost 10k in. XD

“Suddenly I understand the current vernacular of saying that a man has a slutty waist.”

__________________________________________ Literally as I am wrapping up this post, @seiya-starsniper hits me with FANG and I just have to. XD

All from the Adrian/Olrox fic. All short to keep SOME of it not posted here. XD

F

Finally Olrox is fully seated and the vampire collapses back against Adrian, chest heaving. He brings a hand up and twines his fingers with Adrian's where they are pressed below his navel. 

A

Adrian looks down and sees Olrox's cock straining inside the confines of his pants, tilted to one side, lifting the top of the waistband off of his skin a little as it strains the vinyl. “Look how hard you are for me,” he whispers into Olrox's ear, “You think I could make you come like this? My hand on your throat and my cock filling you up and my voice in your ear?”

N

“Nngh,” it is like Olrox groans at Adrian asking him to think. “Perhaps they think they can fuck me better?” 

G

“Go on,” he holds Olrox’s gaze as he pulls the chain out from his belt loops with a loud metallic clattering. “Tell me.”

[la-lolita]

Hello, this is Lolita, formerly known as Aphrodites-letters, and (sighs) strawberrymilkmami. It’s been a few years since I left, and I am back to properly speak up for myself about the drama that happened between Cupid (now going by Devosin) and I. I will be referring to Devosin as Cupid, however because that’s the name they used to go by during this drama. In this post, I will take accountability for my actions, however I will also explain some parts of the story that I should’ve exposed a long time ago. 

Why now you may ask? Because I feel so much better now. I have matured and up to this day, what has happened still affects me a lot mentally. People may say this is old, or tell me to move on. You can’t move on when there are people out there still thinking you’re a complete bastard not knowing your true reasonings or thinking you’re just finding excuses— its been years, there’s no point in lying, im not even in the fandom anymore, what do I gain lying? You could say I “deserved” it and that “that’s what I get for being jealous” etc. Yet those are simply accusations and assumptions people made, you can’t take people’s/make assumptions and think it’s the truth.

I have finally developed the courage to speak about this topic again and explain properly my side of the story.

—

Faulty Link

I want to clear up the biggest misunderstanding. I never sent anyone anon hate and I can prove it.

Pinpix has stated that she “can track an anon's identity” by using this link. I found this fact very interesting considering it’s been outdated for years at the time Pinpix did this ‘callout.’ 

Pinpix gave out false information about me, then Cupid reblogged it without checking the sources. Not only Cupid, but many of my former mutuals did so without checking the sources. This link hasn’t been working since 2017, yet they managed to ‘track’ my IP in 2023. Anyone is welcome to check the tracking link themselves to see even more comments proving that it no longer works. 

I’d like to mention Cupid had stated this before. 

I’ve never been in Cupid’s server before. So, I clearly couldn’t have been the one sent the hate. With all these facts coming to light, I’d like this to be a lesson to everyone to not jump on hate trains without checking what the ‘proof’ is.

—

Anon Hate

To everyone affected by the anon hate, I’m really truly sorry you’ve had such rude and demeaning people in your inbox. I believe anon hate is such a low act to do and I understand it affected you immensely. 

However, I want everyone to understand that I have never sent anon hate and will never in the future.  —

Copying

Not only did Pinpix accuse me of sending anon hate, they also made some claims about me copying Cupid (most of the post was them talking about this). I’d like to address these.

I’ve never copied anyone. A lot of what I did was take inspiration from trends at that time. Just because some of my posts came after Cupid doesn’t mean I copied her. I did things that were popular at that time, not things that Cupid did. If Cupid did popular things too, cool! But please don’t come after me for also following trends. Fade outs and social media themes were popular then, and many of former mutuals as well as people from other fandoms had similar themes.

First thing out of the way, Cupids are from Roman mythology and Aphrodite is from Greek mythology, so no I didn’t see Cupid’s url and decided to steal it lol, that is so silly. She and I were friends back then and wanted to match names. I also fail to see how our themes and writing styles are similar. To my knowledge, Cupid went for regal themes, while I stuck to coquette, there was a time where I did more simple clean themes because again- it was trending, especially in blogs from big Fandoms such as Genshin. Just because we both used shades of pink doesn’t mean it was plagiarism. 

I’ve never deleted anything off my page after this incident, so I think you’re misremembering. 

My writing format has changed as a progress of maturing. Personal observations are not proof. Not to mention my writings are still up, so if you had proof that our fics are similar, you could have proved it. You have not. 

This says a lot. 

—

Vent

I will take accountability for my venting. I did vent personal things and I regret that immensely. I’m sorry to anyone affected by them. However, please understand I was going through a difficult situation both online and irl, and as an immature 13 year old kid, I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t have the help I needed, I didn’t know what to do to make myself feel better. Sadly, I chose a path that not only didn’t help me, but also harmed the people around me. I regret it, and if I could I would have taken a few months offline.

None of my vents named or attacked anyone. If you made correlations from my vents to people, that is your assumption. These are all subjective opinions made by you without any proof. 

Some of my posts were indeed targeted towards Cupid, I wasn’t healed from the first drama we had and seeing them interact with my friends hurt me really bad. I just wanted the whole drama out of my life, seeing Cupid on my dashboard didn’t help me forget at all. I had blocked her, however when she interacted with my mutuals, I saw her on my page. However, the majority of my vents were from real life issues.  —

Sign Out

First and foremost, I’m sorry to anyone hurt by actions caused by me. However, the anon hate, the spam into former mutuals’ inboxes, accused plagiarism and this supposed obsession isn’t me. You’ve crafted this whole story based on assumptions and false proof, and I don’t want to take the hate in my inbox anymore. It’s been years and I’m not sure why people are still so obsessed with this situation.

Though this section confuses me, since when you said I did the ‘same thing,’ it implies that Cupid has also neglected to credit the art they used.

I have used art without credits only if I couldn’t find the original source. I found a lot of my inspiration on Pinterest, so when I found the source, I could credit them. However, sometimes I couldn’t find it, and wouldn’t have anything to cite. I now know that I should have looked harder or have used another image for my blog, however I was not as mature then. In my mind, I had looked for the source and couldn't find it. Going forward in any future fandoms I join to make content, I will cite everything I can.

As a final message, don’t harass people online, especially if you don’t do your research on the topic or know the full story of both people. In my case I was anxious. I didn’t know what to do or say, I was panicked and was unable to collect my thoughts and come with a proper response. Now, I hope this was enough to explain my side of the story and clear up some things said about me.

Thank you for listening and have a good day.

[cozy-cinnamon-roll]

We Interrupt This Broadcast...

(Another two-part-er! Stay tuned for part 2 very shortly!)

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Pairing: Ler!Rosie, Ler!OC, Lee!Alastor (strictly platonic)

Content/Trigger Warnings: tickling, very brief blood mention, medical themes (non-graphic & painless). One comically graphic description of cannibalism (first paragraph). Also, this is set right after Alastor gets his ass handed to him by Adam, so you can expect a lil angst sprinkled in there (don't worry, he gets better).

If there are any trigger warnings you'd like me to add in the future (and/or to this fic), PLEASE let me know! I am always happy to oblige. 💕

This is a ticklefic! If that's not your cup of tea, kindly move along.

Ok... I'm gonna be honest folks, I have no idea if this fic is even coherent. This ain't my Best Work™ - this is literally the coping mechanism I've been relying on to put myself to sleep every night this week because HOLY SHIT my life is stressful at the moment. 😅

But anyway, I've decided I'm just gonna go ahead and post it, because 1) the world needs more lee!alastor, and 2) I'm not here to do my Best Work™, I'm here to write cute self-indulgent little stories about Alastor getting tickled to bits by his platonic wife. I'm here to decompress my hypervigilant ass at the end of long days by imagining my favorite endearingly creepy characters get wrecked by my other favorite endearingly creepy characters.

In summary, I'm here to have a good time, and I certainly did with this fic. So I hope you do too!

Featuring my new oc! (Rosie and Al still take center stage though, don't worry lol)

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It's a little-known fact that cannibals make terrific doctors. When you spend every meal tearing the human body apart with your face, you end up with a pretty comprehensive intuition for demonic anatomy.

So Alastor supposed he should consider himself lucky to have Rosie and her loyal posse so close at hand after his battle with Adam.

He was certainly relieved when Rosie had stumbled upon him, barely conscious from blood loss on the floor of his wrecked radio tower - and especially a few hours later when, having been rushed back to Cannibal Town, he was whisked into a warm, familiar parlor and deposited on a comfy couch.

Within minutes Rosie had summoned a woman in a white coat who swooped in, produced a bottle of a strange, foul-smelling gel from her medicine bag, soaked a rag with it, and pressed it firmly against Alastor's wound. The searing pain evaporated almost on contact.

"What is that?" Alastor breathes, visibly relaxing against the arm of the couch he's propped against.

"Anesthetic." She begins preparing a needle and thread.

"Didn't know such a thing existed down here."

"Of course! We're demons, not barbarians," Rosie scoffs, watching from the sidelines.

Cannibals, as a rule, rarely last long enough to need a doctor, but Rosie is no ordinary cannibal. And Dr. Trudy Sawblade - a young surgical resident in life, and Rosie's personal physician in death - is the best of the best. While she hadn't quite completed her medical training before her untimely death, in Rosie's service she's gained more than enough experience to make up for her education cut short.

"That salve is derived from a distant cousin of the poison dart frog. Evidently most of the frogs are assholes, because hell has an downright enormous population of them." Trudy's voice is measured and matter-of-fact, with a soft lilt that is both soothing and vaguely unsettling. "Haven't been discovered on earth yet. Which is good, because one whiff of this would end a mortal life in a matter of seconds."

"Lucky you, you're already dead," Rosie chimes in cheerfully.

"Lucky me," Alastor murmurs, without conviction.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Truthfully, with the pain from his chest wound numbed, the weight of his recent defeat presses even more heavily on Alastor's heart. Someone - probably one of the cannibals who helped transport him from the rubble pile to Rosie's parlor - must have grabbed the broken microphone as they carried him out, because the fractured pieces are sitting on the side table at the other end of the couch. Under normal circumstances the awareness that someone had touched his staff without permission would spark a flash of rage from the Radio Demon, but now he can only stare dismally at what remains of his cane - aware that it's no longer capable of accomplishing much anyway.

It takes only a few minutes for Trudy to stitch Alastor back up and wrap his chest in a stretchy gauze. Meanwhile, Rosie quickly mends the worst of the tears in his clothes - if only to avoid having to watch her friend stare down the couch at his broken staff, with an uncharacteristic half-smile that damn near breaks her heart.

"Alright, sir, that should do it for now. It's a nasty gash, for sure, but the salve should keep it from getting infected."

"Thank you, my dear." He gives an appreciative nod to the surgeon, and Rosie too, as his fellow overlord hands him back his clothes.

"Can't have you going around with a big hole in your chest, can we?" Rosie steps back and scrutinizes her own patch job as he slowly dresses himself again. "It ain't perfect... especially for a classy fellow like you. But I'm sorry to report that I saw my tailor at a Sunday brunch just last week. Inconvenient, but I gotta admit, he made a wonderful casserole."

For the briefest of moments, this aside manages to tweak Alastor's smile into something vaguely genuine. "I'm sure he did."

"One more thing, Mr. Alastor, sir," Trudy jumps in as the radio demon pulls on his coat. "So sorry, I almost forgot. The angel also threw you against a wall, correct?"

At the recollection, Alastor's smile stiffens into something more closely resembling a grimace. His antlers rise between his ears. "Does it matter?"

"You may be at risk for internal injuries." If Trudy is at all fazed by inviting the most powerful overlord in hell's annoyance, it doesn't show. "I really ought to check, just to be safe."

Alastor looks away. As loathe as he is to even acknowledge his own fragility, he truly isn't sure of the extent of his own injuries - given that he's not used to receiving them in the first place. And he'd be damned (well, damned twice) if Adam had ruptured something vital, spelling the radio demon's second death a few hours after the fact.

He grits his teeth. "I suppose it wouldn't hurt."

"Lovely. If you could just lie back, sir..." As he obliges, she kneels beside the couch. "I'm just going to feel for any swelling..." Her hands hover over him-

"Er, wait." Alastor abruptly sits up.

"It's alright, I won't touch your wound!" Trudy soothes. "I'll just be feeling down here..." She gestures to his midsection (which elicits a sharp flinch).

"No, I-" He hesitates. "I'm... not sure this is necessary."

"Oh, Alastor, stop worryin'!" Rosie reassures him with a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Trudy is quite picky about her meals. She'd never go for venison."

"That's... not what..."

Alastor pauses, and evidently decides against trying to explain what he meant. He reluctantly lies back against the cushions again.

"I'm going to place my hands under your shirt, sir. If you feel any pain, please alert me."

"Very well."

As Trudy lifts his shirt, he looks like he is going to say something more - but whatever it is dies on his tongue the moment her hands make contact with his stomach. He brings one knee up sharply.

"Tender there, sir?"

"No! No, your hands are cold." His words have gone uncharacteristically stiff.

Trudy methodically probes one side of his belly, then the other (which in turn causes his other knee to pop up). This time when Trudy asks if he's in pain, he merely shakes his head.

The surgeon furrows her brow, concentrating. Human-animal hybrids like Alastor already take a bit of poking around just to get a sense for each unique configuration of organs. It doesn't help that the man is bracing for every touch...

"Are you sure this doesn't hurt, sir?" she murmurs tentatively. "You're very tense."

"Yes." The word comes out like a hiss. She glances at the radio demon's face. He's wearing his typical showman's smile, but his eyes are fixed on the ceiling with a weird, wide, unwavering stare.

Finally the surgeon sits back. "Well, I don't feel anything concerning. But to be honest, sir, I can't feel much of anything." She turns apologetically to her employer. "His stomach is all clenched up..."

But Rosie is simply standing there pressing a huge grin into her glove. She's known Alastor for decades. She can read his expressions like a magazine.

"Alastor, darling," Rosie drawls casually. "Are you ticklish?"

From the radio demon's reaction, you'd think she'd asked if he was an Exorcist. He scrambles to sit up. "No! Why would-"

"You're ticklish. That's..." She catches herself just before the word precious.

"...What?!" There's an edge of defensiveness to his voice that Rosie very rarely hears from him.

"Why are you embarrassed?"

"I'm not emb- That's not- what-" Oh, she's giving him that look. "I'm just- I wasn't-"

As he speaks, Alastor's voice suddenly goes thin. His gaze turns inward. "I'm stuttering. I don't stutter! I've never stuttered!" He clutches his coat closer around himself. "I am the RADIO DEMON, for heaven's sake, I don't sta-AHH! Haha-!"

Evidently a scribble to the ribs is a very effective way to interrupt a panicking demon. Rosie runs her fingers from his hip up his side to his arm and back a couple times for good measure.

The amount of startled laughter she is able to draw from just this surprise touch delights her - the poor man is so ridiculously sensitive that a five-second one-handed tickle leaves him fully breathless.

"Okay! Okay, okahay! Keheh- Rosie!"

"Sorry dear, couldn't resist." She holds her hands up, still beaming like a stadium light. "I'll stop torturing you."

Alastor clears his throat. "You're not torturing me, dearest." He straightens his bowtie, clearly attempting to salvage his dignity. "You know what I always say, laughter is a powerful sign of-"

He cuts off with a sharp inhale and defensive flinch as Rosie perches on the edge of the sofa beside Trudy. She grins.

"You're right. That's certainly your specialty, isn't it?"

Alastor forces a nervous chuckle. "Never fully dressed without a smile, you know."

"Well don't worry, darling. I understand." She pats his knee. "Just because you've got the scariest evil cackle in hell doesn't mean you appreciate having it tickled out of you."

Rosie had expected this assurance to put him at ease, but if anything, he seems more troubled.

"Why would I mind a little, ah..." Tickling. Tick-ling. He can't bring himself to articulate two syllables. Is this all he's left with without his staff? "...Er, a little bit of levity? Can't let things get too serious, can we?" With another quick cough, the radio demon finally manages to get his voice to fall back into his familiar breezy cadence. He turns to Trudy. "Now, are we... quite finished with that examination?"

"Nothing seems amiss, from what I can feel." Trudy takes a step back. "Which is not much, but I think I've already made you uncomfortable enough..."

"Nonsense! I'm perfectly at ease!" He lies back again and smooths his coat. "Please, finish your little checkup. I insist."

Trudy regards him curiously for a moment. "Right." Her hands hover over his belly again. "But if you want me to stop, sir, just say the word-"

"I assure you that w-won't be necessahary..."

Trudy watches him seize up before her fingers even make contact. This time she presses a little deeper into his belly, trying to feel around his defensiveness.

"You are punching holes in my couch," Rosie remarks dryly, watching the poor demon's claws bury themselves in the cushions.

"I kn... ohow, I'm just-" He squeezes his eyes shut as Trudy hits a particularly bad spot. And then another. And another... hell, his torso one big bad spot.

"What do you think, Trudy?"

The young doctor just shakes her head.

"Alastor. Darling. You have GOT to relax."

"I am!" Alastor's composure is dangling by the thinnest of threads.

"Maybe it would help," Trudy says, with infinite caution, "to just go ahead and laugh, sir."

A beat. And then Rosie bursts into laughter.

"Giving new meaning to the 'deer in the headlights' expression, my friend." She scoots closer. "I thought you just said you don't mind a little 'levity'..."

"I don't!"

"In that case. Carry on, Trudy - Auntie Rosie is gonna help our patient out a bit while you work."

Too late, Alastor realizes what his fellow overlord has in mind. "Wait, wait! Ros-"

A delicate set of nails find the region just under his ribs - and it's all downhill from there.

"Ah! Fuhuck!" Alastor chokes on a curse before he can catch himself. He twists sideways, collapses into muffled giggles, and briefly manages to pull himself together - just barely - with a few hyperventilated breaths. "Rosie, really! This isn't- please- ack! I can't-" There's that damn stutter again. He hadn't even stuttered when Adam slashed him.

And now, Great Alastor the Radio Demon, undone by some scribbles? And a medical exam?!

Meanwhile, Trudy can feel even less now than she could before, her patient's belly now quaking with silent, suppressed mirth. But she takes one look at Rosie's delighted expression... and continues probing anyway, curling a subtle little smirk of her own.

It seems Rosie has picked up on a slightly less tangible injury than anything Trudy can address. But fortunately, they've just stumbled upon a promising potential treatment.

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Part 2 is already pretty much finished - my brain is just too mushy at this point to contend with Tumblr's shitty text interface any longer, and this feels like a good stopping point.

Lemme get a good night sleep and another dose of Prozac and I'll have the rest out shortly 😅

💜 - Cozy

[rebelliousstories]

Kill Me Romantically

Relationship: Remy LeBeau/Gambit x Reader

Fandom: X-Men

Request: Yes by Anon

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Mentions of Killing and Neglectful Parents

Word Count:

Main Masterlist: Here

X-Men Masterlist: Here

Part One: Love Me Dead // Part Two: Love Me Cancerously

Summary: They’ve had many names over the years, but none are correct. And no one will ever know.

Consider Donating: Here

“Remy LeBeau!” The sound of his name being screeched at him was enough to make the mutant wince. He was happy in the dark alleyway, with his girlfriend pressed up against the brick wall in front of them. Pulling away from his woman, Gambit wiped his lips off with the back of his hand.

“Sorry, chere. Don’ know who dat is.” He apologized, petting her hip softly as the sounds of heels clicked closer to them.

“Well, make that woman shut up before I kill her myself.” She grumbled, pulling her hair back into place.

“Remy, what the hell are you doin’?” As the other woman got closer, his eyes began to take her in, trying to figure out who she was. The instant he realized who that bottle blonde hair, gaudy makeup, and affinity for two sizes too small leopard clothing belonged to, Gambit groaned.

While his head turned to face her, he kept his hands and body attached to his girlfriend. “Bethany, can’t say it’s a pleasure.”

“Who’s this tart?” She snapped, gesturing wildly towards the other mutant.

“Dis ma chere. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we was havin’ a good time.”

“So you just leave me, and shack up with some other skank? No call, no notice, nothing? You just disappear and I find you here six months later.” Bethany sassed, letting her displeasure be known.

“Frankly, Bethany, I don’t give a damn,” came Remy’s retort.

“You got the wrong one if you think I’m gonna be replaced by this motherf-”

“Really? Threatening us? That aughta work out well for ya.” She snarked.

“Not talking to you, tramp. Go find someone else to buy you drinks.” The entire interaction was observed by the man that was currently the prize to be won between them. However his girlfriend patted his chest twice before shoving him away. “Either you take care of her, or I will.”

“Take care of me? That’s cute.” Bethany chuckled softly as she crossed her arms defiantly over her chest.

“Bethany, come on now. You were a one night stand. Never more den dat. Now, I’m gonna enjoy a night wit’ ma chere. Go on.” Gambit shooed her off with a hand before trying to go back to his girlfriend.

“I’m not going.” Rolling her eyes, the female mutant pushed off the brick wall. Frustrated, she went up to Bethany, keeping distance at first.

“Listen, sweetie. I want to enjoy my night out with my boyfriend, my beau. So if you don’t step off, I’m gonna ensure that you don’t live long enough to regret it.” Her words were sickeningly sweet, and it complimented the fake smile and wide eyes she had.

Scoffing, the blonde haired woman did not look at all impressed. “Oh yeah, how?”

With a smile in her face, the mutant closed the distance. She brought her hands up to grasp the sides of Bethany’s face, which left her confused. In a half second, she leaned forward, planted a kiss on her lips, and returned back to the wall.

“What was that?” Brittney asked, utterly confused. However, that expression only lasted a few seconds before she began to clutch her chest.

Rapid and shallow breathing escaped her. A sickly parlor, with pronounced veins and sweat beading down adorned her skin. Bethany’s hands began to shake as she started to fall down onto the ground below. But even when she tried to find comfort in Remy, she was startled to find none.

He looked fascinated at what was happening before him. Sure, he had seen his girlfriend’s deadly ability before, but it never failed to amaze him. Her mutation was so different to his own, that Gambit could not help but enjoy watching the process each time. It was fair though, because she did the same thing with him. As they watched the woman take her last breath, the couple stood together in silence.

However, there was a noise near the dumpster that caught their attention. It was a slight sound, but enough that their trained ears could pick up on. Looking at each other, Remy stalked forward after nodding towards his girlfriend. She came up behind him, ready to provide back up if need be.

Moving quickly, Gambit felt himself hold in a breath when he saw what was behind the dumpster. A small boy, no older than four, was hiding. The child had jet black hair, and the darkest brown eyes he had ever seen. A set of antler nubs were sprouting from his head, and white dots covered his skin.

“What is it, Beau?” She asked, coming up behind him to look at the source of the noise. But he said nothing, just eyed the small boy as he kneeled with one knee.

“Hey there, petit. What’s your name?” Remy was speaking softly so as not to startle the boy.

“Don’ have one.” He replied, with a voice that was almost impossible for her to understand as it was that thick with a Cajun accent.

“You can come out honey,” she beckoned, holding her hand out. “We ain’t gonna hurt ya.”

Looking hesitant to do so, the couple just waited for the boy to come to them. When it looked like he was not going to come on his own, she knew they needed to do something else. Reaching into her purse and producing a few lollipops, her arm stretched out over Gambit’s shoulder towards the child.

While the boy did not say anything, he slowly made his way closer, and snatched the sweets from her hands. He scooted back against the wall as he popped one of them into his mouth. She came to crouch next to her boyfriend.

“Ya not afraid o’ me? Momma and daddy was ‘fraid.” He asked softly, curling in on himself.

“We jus’ like you, buddy. Nothin’ to be ‘fraid o’ here.” Remy tried to soothe him.

Leaning forward, the boy looked closer at the man’s eyes. Seeing the red and black made him fell relieved. As soon as he realized that at least he was just like him, the boy launched himself forward into Remy’s arms. With an “oof”, he stabilized himself and adjusted to the weight.

“Hey, how’d you like to travel wit’ us for a while? Big, scary world for you to be all alone in.” Gambit offered, holding him close as he stood with the boy in his arms.

“You won’t give me up?” The question broke their hearts.

“No, mattah o’ fact, I’m gonna give ya a name. How’s Chance sound? Think it’s a name that suits ya, ya lil scrapper.” Remy bounced the boy around in his arms, and enjoyed the giggles that came from him. Looking towards his girlfriend, he loved the soft look she had. They had yet to talk about marriage or children, but maybe this was the cosmic push they needed.

“Come on, Chance. Let’s go get some beignets. Comin’, chere?”

He held out his hand for her, while holding up the boy with one arm. Taking out a napkin, she wiped her lips off before putting it away in her bag. Grasping Remy’s hand, the trio took off into the night; hungry for beignets and excited at what the prospect of their improvised family will bring.

[shadyvoxtruth]

How ShadyVox Threatened Myself & Others For Years

My name is Martin Billany but I am also known as LittleKuriboh in the YouTube sphere/Yu-Gi-Oh fandom.

I am posting this here for posterity in case all of my other posts elsewhere about it are removed. Also because there has never been a single unified place to find all of this information presented in sequence.

Patrick, also known by his pseudonyms of ShadyVox or Scratch21's Matt Robinson or Blake Swift, spent the better part of 2019-2023 both threatening me and manipulating a group of real victims.

A brief history - for those who don't know, Patrick/ShadyVox and myself were heavily involved in the "abridged series" world in the late 2000s/mid 2010s. I myself started the whole abridged parody nonsense with Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged, and Patrick would follow suit by doing a Yu-Gi-Oh GX Abridged. We met through content creation and formed a friendship through it. Not best friends or anything, but friendly enough.

Patrick would later leave the abridged series stuff behind and start over making music, working in original animation for popular internet channels, etc. Stuff he was genuinely very good at. It was a strong choice to move away from parody content, as it likely would have held him back at some point.

At a certain point in 2018, I received a communication from him that requested I remove certain YouTube comments on my videos that featured him. These comments were demanding to know why Patrick was following various right wing channels and were calling him alt-right, etc.

I agreed to remove the comments because I considered him a friend and automatically assumed there was some big misunderstanding. As it turned out, he was subscribed to a few channels that caused me to confront him.

I was emotional and upset, admittedly. Things politically were at a fever pitch and I had been swept up by it. I have included screencaps of our conversation.

Later I would apologize to him for my outburst and try to make amends. You're probably wondering why I would include this since it doesn't seem to involve Patrick threatening me, and it seems if anything to suggest I got upset at him.

That is because I truly believe this is the moment Patrick decided he was going to find some way to come after me. I believe that Patrick had spent a lot of time creating a mask for himself, and had worn it very well, and the moment someone saw through it for even a moment he decided I had to be dealt with somehow.

At this point - mid 2018 - Patrick and I were not close. We hadn't worked on anything together in half a decade. We really only kept in touch in a cursory fashion. So I imagine this interaction stuck in Patrick's craw something awful.

I was, however, closer with the person Patrick had worked in conjunction with on his abridged series, X. These days X is my best friend. Back then, I don't know how close we were. But definitely closer than either of us were with Patrick.

One day in 2019, entirely out of the blue, Patrick messages me privately to inform me that X once slept with a girl who was 17 when he was in his early 20s.

My own spouse was sexually assaulted before I met them, and as a result I have a no tolerance policy on anything that even could resemble assault. So I immediately ended my friendship with X.

And as I was doing so, Patrick told me repeatedly that I was overreacting.

As you can see, by Patrick/Shady's own words, this was a long time ago. Just under a decade or so, by my count.

And most importantly, Patrick had been aware of this for the whole decade or so and chose this very moment to tell me that this happened.

I want you to keep that in mind, especially the fact that when I said I was ending my friendship with X, Patrick's actual response was "it was a long time ago, he's gotten better."

It was painful to end my friendship with X, but I did. I told him that if he could provide satisfactory proof that what Patrick had said didn't represent the facts of the situation, I could be his friend again. Until then, I cut off all communication from X.

A week or so later I received specific evidence that pointed to a situation wherein Patrick was intentionally misrepresenting what happened, or the alleged victim's story. The alleged victim VERY specifically disagreed with Patrick.

You'll note that I'm not including screen caps of these conversations - that is because the alleged victim, and other involved parties, DO NOT WANT to be part of any of this and have needed actual therapy because of Patrick's behavior in the past. Not just here.

Anyway.

I returned to Patrick/Shady and told him there had been a misunderstanding. I wanted to clear the air and give him a chance to say something along the lines of "oh okay, obviously I had my facts wrong." I mean, as you yourself have just read - he said himself that this was a long time ago. Maybe he got some wires crossed.

This is how Patrick actually responded:

The screenshots were taken on different dates, hence why his twitter icon looks different suddenly.

But yes. His response to me explaining that the alleged victim disagreed with his stance, was to insist that the alleged victim must be lying and that I should be absolutely infuriated.

After he'd tried to tell me that there was no point in being upset about this information that he had sat on for the better part of a decade.

Patrick continued to scream at me via dm, repeatedly requesting that I give him my phone number so we could talk about this. I assume this is because he didn't want any kind of text evidence of what he was going to say to me, or what he was doing.

He would later, mid-conversation, tell me that he was deleting all of his dms to me. Not sure why. It doesn't remove them from my side of the conversation, so I still have access to all of them. I have not shared the entire private message thread yet, because it's sensitive and involves people beyond just myself. But if the dms ever do need to be made public entirely, I have them.

I ended up blocking Patrick during this very conversation because he had begun screaming at me, behaving extremely unhinged and in a frightening manner. I honestly think he had hoped that I would initially try to defend my friend from his accusation, in which case he was going to fly off the handle then. But because I had genuinely believed him and removed my friend from my life, only to then learn Patrick's story didn't hold water, he had no choice but to lash out now. When it didn't make any sense to suddenly be irate about a thing he had told me about, and had literally just said "it was a long time ago."

Within 24 hours, Patrick had sent me a threatening email saying he was going to expose me for everything I was doing. I have attached the highlights of the email, parts that don't involve other people's names.

Some of the references in this email - specifically about how I've associated with others and ignored people calling me out for it - are related to a podcast I was on, alongside Patrick. Until recently I had indeed tried to move on with my life after a number of the people involved had revealed themselves to be toxic. I had made efforts to separate myself from those people. It had been years since I'd really had any direct connection to any of them.

I do indeed regret not speaking out about it sooner.

Having said this, Patrick himself was equally as guilty for not speaking out - and had in fact spent a significantly larger amount of time talking to/working with the people in question.

As such, I believe a lot of this is some form of bizarre projection on his part.

I ignored the email because I was a) worried that he had suddenly snapped, and b) I didn't think any of the content warranted a response.

A day later, I received this email from Patrick where his tone has changed entirely:

As you can see, this is more in line with the reality of the situation. He is apologizing profusely and insisting I didn't actually do anything wrong, and that he was the one in the wrong.

You'll also note that he signs this particular email "Patrick." That is because it is his real name, and I believe he was possibly appealing to my humanity and the part of me that might still have seen a friendship worth salvaging. Otherwise I could not tell you why he signed his real name - he typically hates using it.

I still did not reply because at this point I was confused and scared and wanted him to leave me alone. And to that point, he had specifically stated at the end of his email that he was the problem and he would not "involve himself in my life any longer."

The police were contacted and they told him to stop. I had hoped that my part in all of this was over.

Later that very month, Patrick announced on his ShadyVox twitter account that a new GX Abridged was coming out for April Fools.

When it is posted on April 1st - less than a month after he had sent his email saying he would remove himself from my life, and not long after the police have visited him - the video contains many references to our conversations, and specifically the fact that the police got involved.

Yes, after being told by the police to stop - and after writing an email that insisted he knew he was the real problem and would be getting help - he decides to make a mockery of the situation publicly, in a manner that nobody else will understand. Except the people it is targeting.

The tweets about this video are the only thing remaining on Patrick's twitter account, as he had purged it some time ago.

(An aside - I do recall someone attempting to call Patrick out for being toxic previously on twitter, and his response was to spam them with the words "PROVE IT. PROVE IT. PROVE IT." until they gave up. I would include screenshots of this, but like I said - he purged his entire twitter except for this specific GX Abridged video he'd thrown together in a week to respond to the fact that the authorities had intervened to get him to stop)

One other important element of this video - which is where, I believe, this whole thing veers into genuinely disturbing territory - is that it is interspersed with garbled footage intended to look like some sort of creepypasta/vhs effect. At the end of the GX Abridged video, it is clear that Patrick is using this video to allude to some upcoming song tracks he is producing.

Songs that are tailored to threaten me in cryptic, indirect ways that very few people pick up on.

But I'll get to those later.

During 2019, Patrick reaches out to actual victims of the toxic individuals from the podcast I used to be on more than half a decade before any of the stuff chronologized in this post. He tells them lies, and demonizes me to the point that it convinces them that I am still both defending/supporting the toxic individuals, and actively mocking their victims in private.

I am aware of this because Patrick tweets about it - before deleting the tweets entirely. He even attempts to throw popular abridging group TeamFourStar under the bus, which I assume was merely out of spite because they had absolutely nothing to do with any of this.

I wish I had screengrabbed the tweets when they were still up, but there is still remaining evidence that they did exist.

Here is someone posting on Reddit about it - he only references one tweet, but this was around the time Patrick was posting and then immediately deleting what he'd said. I honestly can only assume - but I think he was fishing for people to latch on to what he was saying and contact him privately.

Not to mention the fact that the police had specifically told him to stop, so that was likely in the back of his mind also.

Here is someone replying to a since suspended twitter account that was discussing what Patrick was saying about TeamFourStar. Obviously I have no clear way to prove it, but please know that I have no reason to make that much up and point to a random ass tweet.

I imagine Patrick (not the suspended person in the above screencap) realized the best way to not seem directly to blame or involved at all was to remove any and all posts he'd made. Admittedly it would have worked if I didn't have the dms and these emails.

Speaking of emails, I received a third one in late 2019 - as you can see, Patrick's promise of leaving me alone forever didn't even last a year.

You'll note that he's speaking as though the second email never even happened. He's also just plain lying through his teeth for a significant part of it, but I think it's most important to note that this email requires you to assume the second email never got written.

He has gone from pages and pages of "of course it wasn't your fault, I'm the problem, you're good, I'm bad" to "I told you..."

Also, I think the words "You tried to damage me" should be highlighted here as it reinforces my theory that all of this was about me insulting him for all the right wing channels he'd subscribed to. Which, to me, was barely even a thought in my mind at this point.

So I choose to ignore this email also. Because y'know, why would I even humor responding to the guy at this point? I decide that I will only speak on any of this if it becomes public conversation. Until then, anything that happens would be because of Patrick's actions.

I do let my friends know about all of this - including TeamFourStar, who through this entire thing have been blameless and didn't even do anything to Patrick to begin with. And every time Patrick does something, I make sure people in my circle are aware and to be cautious.

Meanwhile Patrick alludes to all of this indirectly in the songs he posts to his YouTube channel. Yes, a situation that involves actual victims and one alleged victim that Patrick hadn't spoken to in years. He chose to make reference to all of this in videos where he raps, amongst other things.

There are a number of songs that feature references to this, it's mainly these two that I want to focus on

Birdy Boy is a song that is explicitly referencing Patrick's issues with me, without actually going into any details about what the issue is.

It is so clearly about me that people pick up on it - and rather than confront the issue or have a dialogue, Patrick decides to pin the comment about it to the top of the comments page.

Of course, if Patrick made any attempt to directly describe the issue or explain himself, it would likely result in the police becoming involved once again.

So he sticks to singing about the whole thing.

This next song is the most upsetting one.

Patrick/Shady writes a song called "Joker" about a psychotic individual murdering someone who "used to be funny." This is, specifically, the song that he teases at the end of the GX Abridged Episode 21 video he posted earlier in 2019 for april fools.

He has teased it multiple times on his twitter, and elsewhere, with the words "Coming Soon." The very same words he used to title his third threatening email.

Here is the email, placed next to some lyrics from the song Joker.

He is seemingly very specifically trying to threaten me without anyone noticing, in plain sight. I was unable to watch the video in full until after all of this stuff came out into the public. It was only through reading people's responses and the lyrics that I realized what he was doing.

Again, at this point I am doing and saying nothing publicly. Just watching this behavior and waiting.

Meanwhile in 2021, a videogame based on the web series TOME gets fully funded and Christopher Niosi - the creator of TOME - reaches out to the voice cast to see if they'll return. I myself was the voice of Nylocke, one of the main characters, and Patrick was the voice of THE main character.

As such, I told Christopher no and explained my reasons.

And here is Christopher's response.

Please pay careful attention to the fact that Christopher Niosi flat out says he already knew Patrick was doing this stuff - it isn't just me imagining it.

As a result of this interaction, I do not reprise my role as Nylocke and Christopher Niosi chooses to just recast every single character. Please note that he could have just recast Patrick, but did not. As a result, I feel responsible for all of the original cast losing out on work. It hurts to think about. But at least I feel like I did the right thing.

One member of the TOME production staff takes it upon themselves to reach out to Patrick personally. They discover that he is planning to write more songs/raps that target me. They ask him nicely to stop. He insists that he has to do this. Y'know, make vague allusions to extremely sensitive topics that he lied about in the form of song. Has to do it.

The member of production staff tells Patrick he should seek professional help.

Patrick ignores them.

Patrick continues to engage in behavior that, while not openly hostile or even specifically targeting anyone, is very clearly intended as mockery at best and a threat at worst until 2023 when all of this comes to a head.

In August of 2023, the real victims that Patrick has manipulated make a callout post aimed at myself and TeamFourStar. It specifically cites Patrick's testimony and the songs he has posted. They have been misled, but their anger is understandable.

Within a week, it becomes apparent to all sides that this is Patrick's fault. The person who posted the callout takes it down and apologizes to everyone. Not just me. They apologize to TeamFourStar, and to X.

And only then do I speak publicly about what Patrick has been doing.

I share all of the screencaps I've posted here, and give context. It's all a little muddled as at the time, my cat was dying of terminal cancer and so all of my posts are somewhat scatterbrained and aren't in chronological order. But it's still remarkably clear to everyone that Patrick has manipulated this whole thing, starting in 2019.

And that's only the stuff I feel comfortable sharing.

Since the callout post first dropped in 2023 and I began pointing people's attention toward Patrick, Patrick himself has been entirely silent. He has dropped off the internet with nary a word in defense. Not a single person directly associated with what happened has attempted to dispute my description of events.

This isn't my word versus his. It is my word versus silence.

I have it on good authority that Patrick is alive and well. I am grateful for that much. My attempts have not been to hurt him, but to defend myself. My efforts have not been to hunt him down and crucify him, but to make people aware of what transpired - and what could have easily been undone by Patrick/Shady just choosing to stop.

Instead a number of victims, and people who never did a thing, experienced a considerable amount of trauma as a result of his thoughtless and spiteful actions.

Patrick is a remarkably talented individual, and it makes me sad I have to be the one to show people who he is. I genuinely think all of this could have been avoided. It's so meaningless. It's just pain on top of pain.

And Patrick stood in the center of it all, not just pulling people's strings but practically uprooting them and then acting like he didn't do a thing.

I'm not expecting an apology, and I'm not asking for his cancelation, whatever shape that would take. But I do think it's important that people know this happened, that he chose this.

He did this for almost no reason to a person he considered a friend, who worked on videos with him.

It just seems like the responsible thing, to make sure people are somewhat aware that he could do this to them if they aren't cautious and careful and super aware.

I'm sorry to anyone disappointed and hurt by all of this information.

Believe me, I understand.

[estro-gem]

Jax x Ragatha: The snake and the water spring

The Amazing Digital Circus AU: Oasis.

Author's note: I found this show by chance and I took a great liking to it! So now I did a thing, instead of studying for upcoming exams, because I love making things difficult for myself, apparently.

I have no idea what the fandom is like, but I'm playing it safe just to be... well... safe. I just loved the concept of this show so much that I couldn't help but be inspired by it! It got me thinking and I let it all out in this... thing.

I want to write more one-shot fics about the other characters and how they fit into this au too, but I don't know when I'll be able to.

WARNING! None of these characters are mine and everything mentioned and described is purely made-up fiction; inspired by works that are not my own. Nothing should be considered canon or taken seriously - we are all here to have some harmless fun! No age restrictions. I think this might be appropriate for all ages...?

Please show some love and support for Gooseworx; the creator of The Amazing Digital Circus!

I definitely butchered Gooseworx's characters by adding unnecessary 'relationship dynamics' and deviating from their original personalities. I promise that the actual show and characters are so much better than they are in my false portrayal of them.

SUMMARY:

A fanmade take on the events following Pomni's arrival and after the crew had dinner together. This is focused on Jax's point of view, but still written in the third person.

Jax confronts Ragatha after the pilot episode's 'dinner' and does his best to comfort her in a way that works for them. That's it.

Please enjoy!

THE SNAKE AND THE WATER SPRING

Jax was a desert snake.

Nothing but a cold-blooded pest that lived to find his next meal.

When one is left to die under the scorching sun, you can’t stomp on the sun for creating a desert, but you could stomp on the desert snake if it added to the pain of surviving in said desert. The Digital Realm was nothing but a desert sun – a cage with no exit and an evil with no target.

It was no secret why so many had lost their minds here.

Jax took on the role of being the snake. It was never announced or planned, but it was deemed necessary by all who came to know the realm. The inhabitants of The Amazing Digital Circus craved any sense of control; something they could hold accountable for their torment – something they could punish. A menace, parasite.

Evil with a target: Jax.

It was fun to act out while everybody went about their lives. He could unapologetically be the worst being known to man and thrive on the rage and hatred of all he had affected. If they hated him, he was fulfilling his role perfectly… and that meant they could stay sane and do their parts as he did his. Less people would be lost to insanity… and the group would grow stronger.

Everyone had a role in their system – an oasis was established, with Ragatha as the heart of the oasis; their very own water spring.

But when a new invading creature bursts into the oasis with no knowledge of this system, their system would be doomed. Pomni happened to be that invader. Everyone could collectively, yet silently agree that she was acting by her own careless devices since she arrived a few hours ago. She greedily soaked up their water source and left it barren, dry, and suffering.

Granted, Pomni didn’t know how their oasis worked, but it didn’t change the fact that she disrupted everything by showing up. She would have to catch on quickly and prove herself useful, before anyone else loses their minds.

They lost one of their own already… and they almost lost their beloved Ragatha; Jax’s equal and opposite.

Their precious water source.

Snakes offered venom, while water springs offered hope of life. They all desperately needed Ragatha to survive. While most would assume her to be fine after being fixed by Caine, Jax knew better than that. He saw her reluctantly stand aside Pomni to support her – beautifully acting within her role as she always would, but it was clear that Pomni still didn’t understand how scarce the water was by then. Rags was spread thin enough by handling the extra stress and enduring the continuous pain of being corrupted by the abstraction, but that didn’t stop Pomni from practically having a mental breakdown at the dinner table.

Jax saw that coming from a mile away. Thank goodness he silently took the open seat next to Pomni, silent in his insistence that the ragdoll should keep her distance for the time being. He’d give anything to destroy the little jester for abusing his doll. Ragatha was acting perfectly normal at the time – her masked smile perfectly set on her face – until it was time for them all to retire to their respective bedrooms.

Jax wished that he would’ve just dragged her after him when he booked it from the abstraction earlier today. Pomni would have been the perfect distraction for them to escape and get Caine.

He stood at Ragatha’s door after dinner.

Jax made a point to ring the doorbell this time. Usually, he’d just pluck out a key and saunter in like he owns the place, but with what happened today, he’d make an exception. Everyone has their limit – and someone has already reached their limit today. They couldn’t risk losing another one. Especially not Raggs. They all really needed her.

When she didn’t open, he tried the bell again. Nothing.

Well, time for the key, then.

He shoved his hand down his front pocket and fished out the doll’s room key. The bunny didn’t waste time opening the door. He wanted to see what state the girl was in, despite dreading the possibility of finding an abstracted amalgamation on the other side.

Silence.

Not even a creak was heard from the hallway. The room was lit up as it usually was, so that was a good sign, at least. Jax couldn’t see an obvious black body of eyes – another win. But where was Ragatha? He did see her walk into her room, so she had to be here.

He walked around, keeping his cool, casual composure fixed, despite no one being around. It was effortless at this point. It became a way for him to focus on what he could control in this crazy digital prison; himself.

He couldn’t, however, control his ability to spot a blasted ragdoll, it would seem. He scanned the room again, until his eyes fell on her ¾ bed. Could she-?

The bunny rolled his eyes at himself as he lowered himself onto his knees – maybe he could convince himself that he was not phased by the situation. Bending down, he peered beneath the bed frame.

Jax sighed in exasperation. Or was it relief? Both?

Ragatha was in the state she was in before retiring to her room. No gliching, no extra eyes.

Just Raggs.

She didn’t look good, though. The doll was curled up beneath her bed and blindly staring ahead of her. It didn’t look like she was breathing – not that they needed to anyway, but it was uncanny to see Rags like this. She was their voice of reason. She was a water spring in this desert.

If she dried up, their desert would be doomed.

Jax silently stood up and walked back to the open door again. No need to make a fuss over this. He took hold of the door handle and shut it from the inside. Key in hand, he locked the door and nodded to himself. Ragatha needed a raincloud… and he’d have to fill that role now. It’s the least he could do after leaving her to fend for herself when they found the abstraction today.

Why didn’t she run with him? Why did think she could fix someone whose mind was broken beyond repair? Why didn’t she just leave the rookie as bait?

Because that just wasn’t her role, was it?

If it weren’t for her nature – her role – none of them would have made it this far. It dawned on Jax, once again, how close they were to losing their beloved doll. How close they were to being stuck with an invader who knew nothing about what it took to survive in this hell hole.

Enough.

Back to the bed, crouched down and silent Jax positioned himself to lay down and simply look over the red head from a relative distance. There was enough space for the doll to crawl out of hiding without having to touch him. The bunny still hadn’t said a word. It’d be stupid to talk, and he didn’t feel like making the effort. He just wanted things back to normal again – well… as normal as it could have been.

Now Kaufmo is gone, a new creature was invading their home, tearing it up from the roots and tipping the delicate scales of the balance they worked very hard on creating. All because of a lunatic ringmaster having the bright idea of creating a fake exit-door. Someone better get that jester on a tight leash to get her to fall in line, like the rest of them were forced to.

He knew he, for one, wouldn’t mind roughing her up a bit. It was his specialty – his role. The parasite. The menace. The instigator.

Evil with an actual target.

The sound of shifting and movement had Jax blink out of his own head. Ragatha was slowly and dumbly making her way out from under her bed. Her eyes were still fogged over and her face still eerily blank, but at least she came out of hiding out of her own will. In a matter of seconds, the doll was out from her hiding place and settled on the floor beside Jax. She was staring him in the eyes now, waiting for the bunny, silently pleading.

Jax hadn’t had his aloof-douchebag persona engaged since he locked Ragatha’s door. She didn’t need a menace now – she needed to be grounded; revitalized. She needed a dark raincloud to fill up the water spring they all needed.

He didn’t look forward to what needed to be done, but he wouldn’t allow anyone else to do it.

He moved to stand up and held out a hand to help her up. He took note of the way her hand was shaking when she took his and gently guided her to the bed. The red head was the first to sit, then moved to lay down on her back and numbly stare at the ceiling. With a deep breath, Jax gathered himself mentally and cautiously crept onto the bed and positioned himself to briefly hover over her, before lowering his full weight onto Ragatha.

He had his head in the crook of her neck, on the left shoulder with his ears folding back to floppily droop to his upper back… with his left hand resting on the opposite shoulder. His body, although slim, enveloped hers and caused her to sink slightly into the mattress. His legs just loosely laid over and aside the ragdoll’s. It was more important to have his weight resting on her torso anyway.

For a long moment, they just motionlessly laid on the bed like this. To an outsider, it would look like they fell asleep atop each other or simply cuddled together very closely.

An outsider wouldn’t see that Jax was focused on the slow process of Ragatha’s body relaxing under his weight and her breathing slowing to a regular rhythm. An outsider wouldn’t have known that this was hardly the first time they’d done this – how long it took Jax to learn that this make-shift deep-pressure therapy was the most effective grounding technique for Ragatha to collect herself again.

They wouldn’t understand that Jax didn’t do this out of wanting to, but rather out of necessity.

Jax didn’t like to be touched. If anything, he was very capable of merely tolerating it. Everyone in the circus knew that he was touch-averse; some even used that as leverage to mess with him if the situation called for it. It was a necessity that he endured to keep his doll sane – to keep anyone of importance here in the circus, sane. Their whole lives revolved around mental strength. It was all just a matter of staying sane.

The laid there for what felt like a lifetime.

Slight shifting beside Jax alerted him that the doll was moving her arms – previously stiffly pinned to her sides. This was good, she felt comfortable enough to move around now!

Her left hand gently snaked up to the bunny’s head and slowly, softly petted his ears in a longitude motion. Her right hand wrapped loosely around his middle-to-lower back – motionless. This was bad, Jax did not like being touched like that!

While he was fine with the rhythmic touches of Ragatha’s left hand, he despised the idle position of the right hand resting on his back. He couldn’t prevent himself from tensing up in discomfort.

Bad touch, bad touch, bad-

This caused the ragdoll to tense up and rip her hands off him as if he burned her.

Oh no you don’t! We are not starting all over again.

He slowly pulls away and propped up unto his elbows, hearing Ragatha’s breathing pick up as she presumably spirals into her own thoughts on how he was going to leave her like this. Jax cast down a disapproving look. He broke his gaze to unceremoniously take her right hand – now clutched close to her chest – and intertwined their fingers, before resting his head on her left shoulder once again. He close eyes as he use his free hand to put her left hand on his head again, waiting for her to resume her petting.

Good touch; this was a good touch. Please understand.

Thankfully, Ragatha relaxed… and continued her previous slow, rhythmic motions. Slowly, Jax felt her relax once again and he indulged into her need for touch by stroking his thumb over hers occasionally.

Soon they fell into a rhythm; Ragatha would pet Jax’s ears 3 times, then it was his turn to stroke his thumb over hers. Then they would repeat the routine. This also helped Jax cope with the touching; the routine. The rhythm.

It felt like hours ticked by as the two just practiced their little unspoken routine. Jax grew used to it after a while, almost forgetting that his new mattress was now a sentient ragdoll and completely tuned into their rhythm of touches.

Pet… pet… pet… thumb. Pet… pet… pet… thumb.

Jax didn’t like touch, but he loved routine.

The doll and the bunny’s time together, once nothing but grounding techniques, grew to become an intimate exchange of touches and caresses – all wrapped in a routine, like a dance. Jax felt warm and fuzzy inside; for once he basked in the moment of enjoying his dolly. He lazily wondered if Ragatha felt the same. He shifted his head to look at her.

The doll looked down to meet his eyes when she felt him move. He could swear that she looked at peace, basking in the bliss of their closeness. For some reason, she looked like an angel. They all saw her as their angel. Had he successfully pinned a heavenly body beneath him?

Her gentle, longing gaze made a kaleidoscope of butterflies erupt from his core.

This wasn’t the first time this feeling invaded his being when they did this – as rare as these moments were. He wasn’t sure when he started experiencing such feelings during these rare encounters, but as months crawled by, he felt drawn to his dolly more and more. Based on how she looked at him, he could only assume that she felt it too.

Something so foreign, yet so familiar.

He didn’t fail to spot the warmth rushing to her cheeks when their eyes met. She looked so ethereal beneath him, especially when her breathing picked up under his firm gaze. Her lips were parted, and her eyes were lidded. This time, it wasn’t fear or overstimulation. It was anticipation. It was desire.

Jax internally flinched at the tingly sensation when he smoothly burrowed his face into Ragatha’s neck. She shivered at the breath he let out against her skin. He could tolerate the touching a little longer, as long as he could see her crumble again. He wanted to see her walls crumble again.

“Jax- ”

Oh… he had to hear her again. More clearly, next time. This was torture, but she made him into her own personal masochist. His skin crawled at the sensation of her skin shivering against him, but he needed more. He could take it. Just a little longer – he just had to stand these sensations a little longer. He looked at her again.

Ragatha was reverting to a helpless puddle. The doll’s arms were gripping at the covers beneath her, successfully eliminating the bother of excessive contact that he despised. Jax didn’t know if she did it with that intension or without thinking, but either way, he was thankful. He really wanted more.

Why couldn’t he just be normal?

He lifted onto his elbows again and – dare one say – lovingly looked at her face. She could only peek back at him, breathing slightly faster than usual. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shaky hand rise from the covers and hover next to his cheek, while her eyes pleaded for his mercy. He hesitated but bit the bullet to comply; leaning into her touch while desperately trying to ignore the odd tingles. Jax convinced himself to kiss her wrist and drowned himself in the pleasure of hearing her softly call his name.

He only heard it because he was listening so closely for it.

Yes.

DING DONG

In a flash, Jax braced himself up into a crouch and slammed his foot down with a mighty THUMP upon hearing Ragatha startle into a fit when the doorbell chimed. His hair on his back stood on end and his claws ripped through his gloves, leaving gouges in the covers beside the doll’s head.

His precious doll was disturbed again!

He heard her soft cry of fear and his blood boiled with a thirst for vengeance. Only he can make her cry out. He’ll skin the soul that dared to-

“Ragatha…? Can we talk?”

That DAMN jester!

“Jax?” a quiet voice trembled in his ear from beneath him. Jax stopped glaring at the door to softly glance down and see what his little doll wanted.

“Don’t…” Raggs sounded like she was begging while being held at gunpoint, whispering despite their rooms being enchanted to not hear anything from the outside when the door is shut.

Jax wouldn’t dare let that thing inside. Raggs was upset enough as it is.

“Look, I know it probably wouldn’t make a difference…” Pomni’s voice came from the other side door again, “…but I’m so sorry for running off… Again… I saw that exit and I had to see if it was real. No one else believed me and I started to think that I was losing my mind. You understand that, right?”

Jax placed both his hands down on the mattress, blocking the doll’s view of the door as if it could block the sound of the voice from reaching the Raggs’s ears, still hovering over her. He knew that his dolly didn’t want to hear anything the harlequin had to say now – he had half the mind to get up and bash the newbie’s head in.

“I hope we can talk about this some time. You are probably tired after such a long, crazy day.” Pomni’s voice died down near the end, “It feels like you’re the only good person here.”

She really is, but she’s too good for you. Selfish leech.

Jax looks down to the girl, still stiff as a board beneath him. Her eye was shiny with the swell of tears. He melted at the sight – anger simmering down. She was just a sweet little rag dolly, she didn’t deserve any of this, but oh, he was so happy to see Ragatha finally emote something again. She was OK again. Their water source was filled once again, now threatening to spill over. He’d happily welcome the flood.

He needed her.

The sound of fading footsteps causes Jax to rip his eyes to the direction of the door. His hearing was better than the dolls, probably thanks to being a rabbit.

Good riddance.

Ragatha seemed to relax at the sight of Jax deflating his stance, reading that Pomni probably left her door. She hesitantly reached up to cup Jax’s cheek. Jax followed her hand’s motion and scoffed, cringing at the invasion. He’s had enough touching for a week. It sucked to leave his doll so soon after being distressed again, but he couldn’t bring himself stand any more of this. He quickly got up and smoothed out his clothes, but not without missing the flash of hurt in the doll’s eyes. He felt bad, but he had to be strong with the new girl around, so straining himself now would only make matters worse and mess up the whole system.

Still, seemingly bored, Jax stood in his spot while rocking on his heels and looking off to the side, only sparing her a glance. Raggs sat up by then. She looked a little worse for wear, but it’s an improvement from hiding under her bed. She rested her elbows on her knees with her chin in her hands. The hurt in her eyes was long gone, but she looked tired. Poor thing, Jax shared the sentiment.

He felt her eye bore into the side of his face and the bunny couldn’t stop himself before he rolled his eyes and looked to her again. He could’ve choked on air when he saw her face, but the years of steeling his demeanor left no trace of his inner turmoil.

Raggs sported that longing look in her eyes again.

They were so close this time – closer than they’ve ever been before. Each time they spent together on nights like this, although few and far between, they grew closer… and hungrier. Neither understood what it was, but they never had the chance to just collapse into it, tonight being the closest to that.

But there was always something, right?

Jax allowed gaze to soften. His doll offered a small smile that almost ripped his heart out if his chest. It was drenched with melancholy of something she knew they could never have.

Because their roles in their little ecosystem didn’t allow for it to ever be theirs. It would never work.

This was survival.

The rabbit steeled his demeanor once again, but this time, his doll’s face didn’t fall.

Good, as it should be.

Jax walked to the door and fished out the key from his front pocket. He didn’t bother looking back. If he did, he wouldn’t have the will to leave anymore. When he opened the door, though, he couldn’t help but mumble out teasingly.

“See yah later, Doll~!”

He wished that he could shout his affections for her out into the void instead.

“I’m not your doll.” Ragatha responded, voice still wobbly and tired, but perky regardless. She knew just how to indulge him.

Yes, she is… she always will be.

Fanart: Evil with a target

Oasis: TADC AU list

Masterlist

[thorniest-rose]

Hi everyone,

A lot’s happened over the last few days and I know that I’ve been under a lot of scrutiny and the subject of conversation, so I wanted to take a moment to talk about it with you. I didn't address it last week when I was told that people in the fandom were posting about me and sharing screenshots of my blog. This was to protect my mental health, but now I want to share my own thoughts.

It's really hard not to lash out in situations like this because of how much it hurts. To go through something like this is shocking and humiliating, it rips the ground up from under your feet. But I didn't want to go on the attack because I knew how much worse that would make things. No matter how opinionated I am, conflict makes me feel sick and makes me want to hide. So instead of lashing out, I've done a lot of thinking over the past few days, not just about what's happened to me, but about things I've done and what could have led to this.

Firstly, I want to apologise to everyone whose feelings I may have hurt when I posted certain things in the past. I want any space that I cultivate to be a happy, positive one for the people who spend time here and at times I think I’ve unintentionally created an atmosphere that has felt combative or alienating. I honestly never consider myself to be a well-known writer or someone whose voice has reach in the wider fandom. No matter how many followers I have or how many people read my fics, I always see myself as a girl just spending time on her tumblr, but that's naive and I should have recognised that in a shared space, all opinions are seen and have an impact. 

Discourse is my least favourite thing about interacting in fandom and there have been times where I’ve let myself be drawn into it. That doesn’t mean it’s ever okay to look down on what other people enjoy and I really regret posting those things now because that’s not who I am as a person. Expressing displeasure and other negative feelings isn’t what I want to engage in and I should remember how easy it is for flippant, spur of the moment comments to be taken out of context. Saying things like “I don’t like this” even on my own blog is immature and beneath me and I’m genuinely sorry.  

I am also in no way any sort of authority on how these characters are written, no one is. A fandom is for everyone. I’m passionate and vocal in my own space because I treat my tumblr as a slumber party with my friends, but in my enthusiasm, there have been times where it seems like I’m saying my characterisations are the only valid ones. I don’t think that’s the case at all, and I genuinely love and admire the creativity in this fandom. I’ve said this before, but just because I have preferences doesn’t mean I want every characterisation to be the same as mine because that would become extremely dull. I believe that any and all interpretations should have an audience.

However, while I take responsibility for the things I've said on my blog, the things that have been said about me in response have been extremely spiteful and damaging. I never wanted a war with anyone. I should know better than to court discourse in such a volatile fandom, even inadvertently. To take issue with me and what I said is fine, I accept the criticism and apologise; at times my comments have been juvenile and mean-spirited. But a group of people targeting me, screenshotting my posts, calling me names and attacking what I write isn’t proportionate at all and encourages a wider pack mentality. I think we should all remember that there is an actual person behind the screen reading the things that we post and that our words can cause real harm. It’s easy to dehumanise an avatar and a username. And I think it speaks to a rot at the heart of fandoms that so many people find pleasure in fighting and where feelings can fester into hatred and vitriol.

I am outspoken and passionate about what I love. I sometimes bristle at things I see that don’t gel with my ideas or at a misjudged tone, and I post about them instead of seeing the bigger picture and moving on. It’s a flaw and something I’m working on, to be more open and less reactive. I don’t want fighting or tension, and I don’t want rivalries. I also don’t ever want to make people feel like their characterisations are wrong/invalid/unworthy or that they themselves don’t belong and that I’m some kind of fandom queen bee trying to ice them out. While that’s genuinely never been my intention, I can see how things have been taken that way and I’m sorry for that too.

Again, I’m sorry to everyone I’ve hurt or alienated with comments that I’ve made. I always want to be kind and compassionate. And while I don’t think what’s happened over the past few days is OK, I can see the bigger picture and why things I’ve said, or the atmosphere I’ve cultivated, has planted seeds of resentment. I've also unblocked the person who's been posting about me, if they want to reach out to talk privately.

I know there are people reading this who have been following me for the past four years, and in that time have seen me struggle, and fall down, and make mistakes, but hopefully grow and learn from those mistakes too. I’m so grateful to you all.

I’m going to take a break from tumblr for a week or so, to spend time away from socials, to connect with friends and other passions and focus on self-care. And to write, of course, because I’ll always be writing, whether it’s here or elsewhere.

See you all soon,

Brooke 💕