#therapy woes

[i-call-me-clarence]

Very frustrated by my current therapist. My old one quit because three people in her family died in a month (we were very close and she thought I had the right to know why she was leaving and asked me first if it was okay if she tell me the troubling reason why she was leaving). My new therapist doesn’t know about Oct.7. Like at all. I tried to bring it up and she said ‘What’s that? What happened?’ And I just don’t have the spoons to tell her so I didn’t. She hasn’t looked it up. Idk how she doesn’t know. Also I feel… weird about it. Unsafe? I don’t know. When I skipped over that and tried to bring up the antisemitism I’ve experienced she responded with a bewildered ‘why??? People aren’t antisemitic anymore’…. Honestly guys should I find a new therapist? She makes me feel so weird.

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

Conversation with my therapist went like this:

T: We have had a lot of space between appointments this summer. How has that felt? Do you want to go back to a weekly cadence or do you think that it's better to space out our appointments going forward?

Me: Um, am I supposed to feel a certain way about that?

T: Well, yeah. You are in a different place than you were the last few years. You talk more in session than you used to. I know there are still things you don't bring up but you generally utilize your time better.

Me: .....

T: Think about it. We can discuss it more next week.

Y'all, I'm shook. This summer has been CRAZY with destination weddings, vacations, federal holidays and now being sick. As a result I saw T once from June 5th to today. I just assumed it was part of summer schedules and we would go back to our normal weekly cadence. Stepping down to once every 2 weeks wasn't even on my radar. Honestly, I feel like I'm just now adjusting from going from twice a week to once a week.

T is all in my head now though. Does she not think I need weekly therapy? Does she not have time for me in her schedule and this is her way of gently pushing me out of her case load? Is she just tired of working with me after 4+ years? Does she really think I'm ready to scale back on addressing my mental health?

Is this what happens if I make any sort of progress? I mean, in some ways I'm doing better. I have learned how to handle my grief with more success, though sometimes it still gets the best of me. My eating behaviors are under control at the moment. I'm generally being kind to my body. These are all the "safe" things that I talk to T about. At the same time I'm still really struggling in a lot of ways. My grief steam rolls me from time to time. My anxiety is the worst it's been in years, with frequent anxiety attacks happening at the moment. I'm still shit at recognizing and naming emotions, especially now that I have SO much distraction. These are things T knows and we have been talking about in the few sessions we have had this summer.

What T doesn't know is that I have been really, really struggling with suicidal ideation again. I haven't gotten myself to bring that up. I'm just not ready to address it, mostly because I don't know why it's back. I can't figure out why part of my brain is so desperate for an "out" right now, but it came on strong when I went back to work. Now I'm thinking, how in the hell do I bring this up without looking desperate for attention? Saying something now seems like I'm screaming, "I can't put more time between sessions, I'm constantly thinking about k*lling myself! Please don't leave me!" That really sounds pathetic doesn't it 🙃

Also, when I go long periods of time without therapy I block out my emotions because I don't have time to deal with them and without the accountability I won't make the time. Then when I realize, oh shit I'm finally accountable to report on how I'm doing, I panic and get flooded with it all at once. Then I spiral into an emotional panic or completely shut down and that's just not fun.

I'm probably over thinking this. Of course the logical thing would be to say all of this to T but I feel like I can't because any potential relationship conflict with her feels too scary. I really need her to be a safe place when I feel wanted, welcomed, seen and held. Normally I do feel that way with her but this simple conversation has triggered something inside of me. A child part that feels like once again we are being left to fend for ourself when all we desperately need is someone to sit with us in the dark while we cry. This little part is throwing an absolute fit because she is never understood or loved and she feels foolish for thinking anyone ever really cared. She feels abandoned.

Omg the fucking drama. All this mental gymnastics over one stupid question about how I want to spend my time and financial resources. Clearly I'm deeply insecure, I think everyone hates me, and I'm insane.

[coffee-in-that-nebula]

I just finished therapy and my mood is like 'how much more trauma do I need to process, ma' am?'

[gallopinggrasshoppers]

I was having a heavy, emotional moment while talking to my therapist about going thru depression & the suicide of my parents when she suddenly said, ‘how’s work going?’ Bitch u get paid to listen to my problems and u change the subject??

[blueskyheadleft010]

Current 2am thoughts:

There was no ‘good things’ that came out of ‘X vacation trip’; and no I shouldn’t ‘have to look for a good thing somewhere in it’ 😠

[abyssruler]

melusines and misunderstandings

neuvillette x gn!reader

you ask neuvillette out on a date, but as always, fate conspires to give the prettiest faces the most oblivious minds. luckily for him, the melusines are there to offer feedback as his pseudo-therapist.

Neuvillette thinks you have a crush on Lyney.

He doesn’t begrudge the magician for capturing your heart, not when it paints a lovely look on your features as you stared up at him with stars in your eyes and asked him if he could accompany you to the twins’ latest magic show.

He says yes, of course, if only so he may see they way your face lights up in a brilliant smile. His cheeks flush a light shade of red when you grasped his hand in gratitude and told him to meet you tomorrow in the afternoon.

Later that night, he lays on his couch with a distinctively depressed air.

“It’s a date!” One of the melusines tries to reassure him, the rest of them chirping their agreements as they crowded around his slumped form.

“It is not,” he tells them solemnly, “the magician Lyney is the person they want to see.”

“They could have gone alone, but they asked you to come watch the show with them. It must mean that they want to spend time with you, Monsieur Neuvillette!” A chorus of yeah! and yes! come after that proclamation.

Neuvillette isn’t convinced, but for the sake of the melusines, he will put on a brave face and pretend that he believes them. If only so they will not worry anymore.

“Yes, I suppose all of you are right.”

✧

They were, as it turns out, right.

You laugh, a hint of incredulousness and amusement in your voice.

“Wait—you think I like Lyney?” You dissolve into another fit of giggles.

Neuvillette finds himself at a loss for words. “So… you do not like him?”

“No!” You gasp, as though the idea of liking Lyney was an outrageous thing. “I’ve given you so many clues! How have you not realized it yet?”

He blinks, tilting his head in confusion, but an idea begins to form in the back of his head. Hope and disbelief war inside him, but he needs confirmation from you to truly believe the thought that has formed in his mind.

You smile, equal parts fond and exasperated.

“I like you, not Lyney.”

And, well, he supposes Lady Furina’s claims of him being an oblivious nut has more truth to it than he once thought.

[kacievvbbbb]

I think Haikyuu makes an effort to be a great example of all the different ways innate talent can manifest, and all the ways it can go unrecognized or under appreciated when we stick to the ridged rules of what it means to be “gifted”

Take Kageyama and Oikawa. Both insanely gifted and innately talented people. But Kageyama’s genius is obvious it’s grounded in an exceptional skill in physics and mathematics anybody with a basic interest in volleyball can tell his sets are basically perfect, he is lauded as a genius because he is one!

And then there’s Oikawa whose innate genius is a little harder to see especially if you’re not paying attention, because he does it so well that you don’t even think to notice it. it’s not very technical or flashy so it’s been overshadowed by the more trained flashier aspects of his playing. But Oikawa’s genius is that he knows people. He knows how to finely tune a set, adjusting the most minute details to fit the spiker like a glove and he does it all in a split second like he doesn’t even need to think about it he just knows. That is actually insane. Hell it’s even pointed out by Iwaizumi, nobody is better than Oikawa at knowing his players and knowing how to set to his players.

But the world they (and by extension we) live in, is so used to seeing genius in only a constrained specific light that Oikawa’s innate talent is woefully underrepresented so much so that it leads to him ( and by extension most of the fandom) believing that he has no innate talent, that he’s not a genius. Oikawa somehow believes that he is less that kageyama because kageyama was “born to do this” but if you think about it so was he!

Even despite his self aggrandizing and petty selfishness Oikawa innately, more than anyone else in the whole show, understands what we all tend to forget (across many sports), Volleyball is a team sport.

It doesn’t matter if you’re the single most best techical player out on the court; there are 7 other people out there as well and like it or not they’re playing too. Who then can say that knowing how to make 7 other people move as if extensions of your self with an ease taken for granted, isn’t a sign of genius?

[lepitorus]

college

[o-i-w-u]

Can you tell your Lord Bloodmoon that I forfeit all my loyalty to him? Ty

you're lucky hes still stuck in therapy

( @h-didanart i feel obligated to tag you in any therapy related doodles COUGHH )

[woetoy]

Hey uhh i saw that picture o' woe at pride 'n when i looked at his tummy i think i uh y'see i think i have cuovid (does the cute pig allow belly-kisses from trans people?)

I too have couvid from drawing it I love it sm-

YES OF COURSE WOE ACCEPTS KISSYS FROM HIS PPL!!! ❤️‍🔥

[kohakhearts]

ive definitely said this before but i think there's this common (and understandable!!) misconception that goh is canonically a victim of bullying and tbh i thought the same thing when jn was still airing lol but now that i have gone back and obsessively rewatched every episode a million times i think it's a lot more interesting to consider what the anime shows us, which is...not a kid who is bullied, but a kid who simply has no friends. and it doesn't seem to be a matter of, like, other kids not liking him. even in the very first episode, we see chloe's classmates asking her about him. it's a very casual "oh yeah, he never really comes to school, does he?" like they don't even really think about him that much. but they say his name respectfully, and just seem mildly curious about it. not really like...mocking or anything like that.

i mean, his whole "i don't need friends" attitude when they're younger could stem from bullying. that's completely possible. but the anime never really goes out of its way to make us think that? like...his disengagement in the flashback in the drizzile evolution episode emphasizes that he's refusing to play with his classmates - and that he doesn't even know why. if he were being bullied by them...wouldn't he have been able to at least articulate that he doesn't like them or that they don't treat him well or that they're just no fun to play with? like i won't say that some bullied kids aren't really unwilling to talk about the experience of being bullied...but in hindsight, they usually have a solid idea of what was going on.

in goh's case, i think he's just like...maintaining what he knows, which is the experience of being isolated and alone. he takes control of that feeling by saying he doesn't need - or even want - friends. he's still doing that when he tells ash that he "accepts" him as his friend, as opposed to just...being like, nice to meet you :) and moving on. he needs to be the one who has that say (and in this respect, his whole w-well would you maybe...consider being MY friend too...?? in jn003 is actually kind of...sweet? and indicative of the change that ash has already begun to motivate in him! doubly so considering ash's response is "wait but weren't we friends already?" bc ash is someone who like...doesn't need that verbalization, and doesn't consider friendships as things you "give" and "take" or whatever. they just are!!!).

ANYWAY, all this to say like. i see where the idea comes from, because he does have those little "you're just like everybody else" lines and whatever, and like...his whole thing with horace - his awkwardness in social interactions, like this. overcompensation for something, this need to prove how Smart and Impressive he is (and his fear of being seen as stupid, like in the horace ep when he's like "oh haha...well...you tell me what you know about celebi first. obviously i know this stuff already. i'm just testing you" when he obviously doesn't know it). but to me that's like...a projection, if anything. he's so determined not to acknowledge that his parents' absence has made him lonely, has affected him in any way, that he twists himself into believing the reason he doesn't get along with others isn't because he's too used to being alone to deal with having friends...it's because they're not worth his time, or they're not good enough for him, or they're just going to hurt him anyway. something something pokemon journeys if goh had learned some dbt techniques

[tariah23]

Are ppl still getting thousands of notes on posts talking about “guilt tripping ppl into reblogging donation/ gazan,” posts bro

[ctrl-lupin]

ngl this is probably the face i’d make if i saw some guy get SPAGHETTIFIED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME

[cloudyvulpine]

sometimes i get upset when ppl analyze Blitzø like pls i kin him HARD have MERCY on me 😭😭💀

[reireichu]

parasite.

Armand watching Daniel move on. Armand watching Daniel live a life, without him.

children fucking ruin everything.

chapter i: paris is for lovers and heartbreak.

Aka I wrote this post and then apparently I might be writing a fic about.

[taravangians-storming-balls]

Did you know I first started listening to stormlight while I was mudding drywall during our kitchen remodel for something to do to make me go less insane and I fucking hated it. I was so miserable and depressed and kaladin was so miserable and depressed and I had to stop listening before I even got to the stew scene because I was NOT having a good time with the sad man book