#then why doesn’t the same apply to Matty | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

not-alien-girl-v · 1 year ago

Note

some george fluff, maybe him and reader are childhood friends, or they’re in their school era ( idk if that makes sense💀) and they’re just pining for each other but neither know the feelings are mutual

Heartbreak Girl (George Daniel)

warning: drinking, moshing, smoking, language

note: of course i understand what that means i’m the same bitch who called mattys 2013 tumblr days his ‘small era’ also im starting to realize a lot of you people are british. weird. im from california and in PST but some of you are european or whatever. strange

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

the blood is rushing straight to adam's head from where he lays upside down off of y/n's bed. the comforter is pink, mirroring the walls which are the same hue, so him and his leather jacket look out of place. she's sat at a vanity, carefully applying mascara to what's left of her lashes.

"so why are you so against having fun again?" he asks, out of genuine curiosity but it sounds like he's poking fun.

she snaps her head around, hair whipping around at her shoulder. "it's not like that. i'm not against fun. i just had a... thing... the last time i went."

he sits up, twisting upright to lean back on his elbows. "define 'thing.'"

polaroids from over the years are used as cheap decorations in this pink bedroom of hers. they’re taped the walls, tucked into the edges of this vanity mirror, and unbeknownst to anyone else, she hides a few intimate ones under her mattress.

they aren’t dirty or lewd, but they depict george daniel at some of his most beautiful moments, or so she believes, and they’re private enough that she doesn’t want anyone to walk in and see them, so she keeps them private, just for her.

sighing, "it was george," she's interrupted by adam's loud groan of annoyance but continues anyway, "he was just being weird to me. a bit cold, and he was completely sober through it because he was driving home, so it wasn't like 'greening out' kind of weird it was just him being bitchy to me. i'm scared he found out i like him or something, so i've been keeping my distance."

"just avoid him tonight. if he's choosing to be so cold to you, i'm sure he won't seek you out. you'll be fine."

the makeup adds pounds of weight to her face and she feels undesirable, but then again, she feels the same without the makeup, anyway. it’s a way of life to her.

she’s like a little child in her mothers pearls and heels, like an ugly girl in a paper mache head of a pretty one. she’s always wondered where this sprouted from. it’s not like she has some incredibly beautiful sister she’s been compared to, and she was never harshly bullied growing up, or if she was, george would have taken care of it for her. ‘no one makes fun of her but me,’ he would say.

"you're right. when did you get so wise, hann?" she begins applying a wine red lipstick to her lips precariously, when the door to her room is slammed open by ross, who is careless as he stands there. the red leaves a large smudge off of her lips and she turns back to glare at ross.

"you're still going tonight?" he asks, not caring to read any context clues. "nice lipstick, is that how girls are doing it these days?" he laughs cruelly, like a mean older brother. she throws a decorative pillow his way as he laughs himself out of the room.

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

she hops out of hann's car, doc marten boots clunking on the pavement below. with one quick glance around the landscape of the parking lot, she doesn't see george, which is a good sign, meaning she can proceed with her normal routine, which starts with a cigarette outside.

she started smoking at 16, and now, at 18, she’s more than addicted to it, but it’s just another issue in her life she’ll push aside and never address until it inevitably causes her downfall.

she's adjacent to the entrance, but she always hangs around outside for a few minutes before she buys her ticket and heads inside. cupping her hand around the lighter, the flame flicks into motion and burns the tip of her thumb in the process. a large, looming figure approaches her from her peripheral and it’s roughly six feet and four inches tall and she knows it's already too late.

removing the stick from her mouth as a courtesy, she turns to face george, lazy smile on his face. "i knew i'd find you out here," he grins.

"you found me." she's not sure what his angle is here right now, why he's smiling, why he sought her out after making it abundantly clear the last time they met that he was no friend of hers.

"well, come on, i'll buy your ticket, come," he grabs her by her wrist and she sneaks it out of his grasp but follows him to the entrance table, where one person sits with a cashbox and a marker.

"it's fine, you don't have to," she reaches around to dig cash out of her back pocket but he halts her, again, grabbing her, and she can see now just how drunk he is, he is normally way less handsy when sober.

"no, please, i insist, it's no problem, not when it's you." the words make her tingle in an odd way and she swears to herself every time that its a feeling she will ignore but she never can.

"what's that mean?"

"it means i owe you money, anyway." he hands the cash to the collector and the person draws an x on the back of her right hand with their marker, ensuring her paid entrance.

"hey, i'm gonna... um..." she's pointing to the entrance where she intends on going but george has already gotten distracted in speaking to somebody working at the merch counter. it's whatever. he's always like this, his attention is never long-lasting, and sometimes she swears that's part of the appeal. that he never seems to care too much, he's so nonchalant, like his attention is something she needs to work for, to earn. something about the 'chase' or whatever.

when the 1975 isn't playing a show at this small venue, adam and ross tend to volunteer to work at the functions, doing small things such as selling drinks and snacks, cleaning up here and there, but it's mostly just an excuse to hangout. tonight, adam is selling the snacks and drinks. ross is supposed to be, as well, but he's just eating the snacks, mostly, sitting behind adam so he doesn't have to deal with customers.

"can i get a cup of coffee?" she asks adam, who greets her with a bright smile. his expression is warm, almost apologetic, he's speaking with his eyes, 'how are you doing tonight?' adam is by far her best friend on this earth.

believe it or not, george used to hold that title for years, until she met adam through george a few years ago, and despite him being two years older, the two got along swimmingly, brought even closer once she realized her feelings for george, which ultimately wedged it's way between her friendship with him.

she even dated adam for 2 strange months before they both came to find that they were better off as friends, and they've been even closer ever since.

"ay, is george being a dickhead again?" ross yells from the back, a bag of chips in hand and also filling up his crunching mouth. he has a habit of speaking with his mouth full. "what'd he do. i'll fuck him up if he's been bad again!"

his threats are empty, ross is too much of a lover to be a fighter, and she knows he's just saying it to make her feel better.

"he's fine. it's all fine, stop looking at me, stop worrying about me, i'll survive this tonight, i'm fine." she informs and adam doesn't believe it, his skeptic gaze following her all the way to the couch that's located in the back room.

the show is in between bands right now, with a total of 4 playing tonight. the first one finished up their set a few minutes ago so the stage room consists of one band packing up and the next band setting up to play.

as she sits silently on the couch, sipping away at her coffee, she notices george walk past her, not stopping to talk or sit or even look her way, which is fine, why wouldn't it be? it's not like they're supposed to be friends or anything. right?

he walks past again, looking lost.

the third time he passes, she calls out for him, "g? what are you doing?" he looks genuinely surprised to see her sitting there on the couch, like she's just suddenly gained visibility and she hasn't been sitting on the couch the whole time.

his dopey drunk smile shows up on his handsome face again, curly brown hair in the way of his eyes and he plops his heavy body down next to her on the old couch, making her bounce a bit on the other end. there's only room for two on this couch.

she makes eye contact with adam from across the room, and it's like he can bluetooth connect to her brain just through one thoughtful glance, but through the wireless connection, she informs him that 'its fine,' like that's her new catchphrase for the night. adam nods but doesn't let the two on the couch out of his sight.

"i was looking for you."

"you found me."

"hey, you said that already," he pokes his finger into her cheek and she smiles, bashfully pushing his hand down. "ok wait, when the next band plays will you get up and dance with me?"

"i don't know, are you going to throw me into the pit again, mister?"

he laughs all too loudly for a private conversation, "for the last time, honey, it wasn't me, i swear!"

she huffs, rolling her eyes, "sure, yeah, you just happened to be standing right there with a guilty look on your face. shit hurt, that guy punched me so hard i got a black eye! you remember that?"

he gets silent and still, a little too silent and too still before he suddenly blurts out, "i punched that guy afterwards."

"what?"

"he knew better than that. i wasn't just gonna stand there and watch him push you around like that, it isn't right."

she's blushing now. she wishes she wasn't, but this is the world she lives in. she speaks small, "you didn't have to do that."

"of course i did. that's what friends are for."

"right."

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

once they hear the heavy drums introducing the first song of the next bands, george is quickly up on his feet, reaching out his hands for her to grab, and he pulls her up with too much force, sending her flying into him, which she chooses not to discuss as she wordlessly continues next to him over to the stage room.

people have already filed into the room, forming a decent sized crowd, and even aside from the heavy music playing on the stage before them, it's loud.

she stands awkwardly by his side, not knowing if she should dance or mosh or leave the room or go home or go cry about it to adam in the next room. however, once the crowdkillers come in, throwing themselves blindly into the confines of the crowd, george makes a point to pull her out of harms way.

it's thoughtful, it's really thoughtful, that he doesn't want her to get hurt by anyone, that he doesn't want anyone to touch her, or maybe it's just that he feels guilty for last time. either way, he threw his arm around her shoulder and held her steady there to his left.

then, seemingly out of nowhere, matty crawls out from the midst of the crowd, shit eating grin plastered over his stupid, stupid face. "don't you two look cozy. almost like a real couple."

in this very moment, matty is the worst man in the world and she wishes him nothing but death in his future. she also wishes she never confessed her crush on george to matty because, of course, he can't shut his big fat mouth.

but then george does the unthinkable, he gets a fake-serious expression on his face and pulls her in by the shoulder to a tight, messy hug. her face is smushed into his shirt but it's not like she's complaining. she waits to see what happens.

"of course she's my wife and i love her. we have two dogs at home and a horse," he seems to laugh his ass off at his own joke, something about the horse really doing it for him.

knowingly, matty responds, "you're wasted, man," he claps george on the back like best buddies do, then to y/n, "i trust you'll get him home safe, won't you, love?"

matty is a bit of a small guy and he doesn't have any fighting experience. if rage completely takes over her body, mixed with adrenaline, she's sure she can rip his entire head off and chuck it onstage. but george doesn't let go of her, so she'll never know if it's a possibility.

she reluctantly peels herself off of him and with an awkward feeling, "a horse?"

he laughs in her face, "yeah, a horse."

she decides to play along with it. "since when do we have a horse? i can't handle your spontaneity, we need a divorce.”

“fine. but i’m taking the horse. you can keep the kids.”

“i never even wanted the horse, silly,” the lights are on and the band’s set is over now, so she walks out the door of the venue and continues out to the parking lot, more than sure he’s following behind like a lost puppy. she’d take sappy drunk george over cold sober george any day.

the night is inky black and light pollution causes stars to cease to exist in the sky. it’s no big deal. y/n’s seen them before on other, clearer nights, and george just doesn’t care.

she leans against the stone wall of the building and george stops to stand right in front of her. he’s close. he’s too close. he’s not still in place. he’s jittery, fidgety, his hands wring together like his words will pour out of them like water if he squeezes hard enough. they never do.

she chews the inside of her mouth, maybe all the damage she does to her cheek from her teeth is the reason george never liked her back. maybe that was the big deal, the one reason that held the line.

but she knows things aren’t black and white like that. she knows it’s a cocktail of things all put together that george has observed about her over the many years growing alongside one another.

she could argue it’s near impossible to love someone through all the changes from childhood to adolescence, all the phases and new shapes an individual inevitably takes in order to find some peace of mind.

but it wouldn’t be true, because through it all, she’s still so in love with him.

she’s thought about writing him a letter. a long letter, it will cover everything she wanted to say, everything she almost did but never came out. in this letter, she’d magically gain the confidence and cadence of an old poet, an old soul who’s words are like honey to the tongue, and she’d give it to him.

no, she’d give it to adam to give it to him. no, she’d mail it to him. his mom would retrieve it from the mailbox and leave it on his messy desk where he wouldn’t notice it, much less read it, until she’s long gone, somewhere far, far away.

she’d go to london. no, she’d go to amsterdam. no, seattle. if he dared to read the letter word by word, between the lines, he’d find secret instructions telling him to meet her there.

wherever she ended up fleeing to, it wouldn’t matter, as long as she would be far, far away from the aftermath of confessing her feelings to him. she can’t imagine looking him in the eye when it happens, much less being right in front of him.

she’d stand at a distance, a 1,000 mile distance, and watch her life implode into chaos and she would have nothing to do with it until she chose to come back. or maybe she wouldn’t. and maybe when reading the letter, george would never know to meet her in seattle, maybe he’d get two lines in and he’d fold it up, crumple it, and toss it into his wastebin under his desk in his bedroom.

then maybe years later, she’d finally come home for christmas, and he’d have stayed there, he’d have waited for years and years for her. and by then, the city of seattle had changed her, she’d have lost the meaning of christmas, and george, who had taken up work at a local christmas tree farm, could return it to her with a few witty jokes and sweet kisses.

then she could sell the story to hallmark and leave again. maybe george could tag along this time. maybe the years apart aided him in gaining some worldly wisdom, and he’d know to follow when she walks out of her own life for the second time.

george’s fingers dig into her knotted hair. his thumbs parallel on each side of her frosty cheeks and his mouth is blowing warm air onto her lips.

she gasps, quiet and low, “what-“

he acts for himself and doesn’t let her finish her sentence, he traps her lips into the embrace of his own.

she always did wonder what it would feel like to kiss him. it had occurred in dreams many, many times before and once they parted, it would always be followed by some friendly remark, like ‘i was just curious to know what would happen’ and then the plot of the dream would continue on like normal.

but this isn’t a dream, this is real life, as real as it gets, and if she doesn’t act on this now, she may never get another chance.

she pushes him away, “what the hell george?”

he stumbles back, backing away from her absentmindedly. “fuck, god, fuck, i’m sorry, shit, i’m so sorry.” he grovels like it will fix this. “i’ll go, i’ll leave you alone, i’m sorry.”

now it’s her turn to grab him harshly by the arm. “fuck you, no. you’re staying here. we need to talk about this. why did you do that?”

“i’m so sorry, i’m so, so sorry. i’ve just had these feelings. for so long, i’ve had these feelings and i didn’t know what to do so i didn’t do anything and i know i should have but i didn’t and i’m sorry. and i thought that tonight was the right time and that you have feelings too but you don’t and that’s ok, i’ll leave you alone for now, i’m sorry i screwed things up with you, i hope you can forgive me.”

george doesn’t cry. it’s not in a toxic masculine way, it’s not like he’s not allowed to cry or he doesn’t let himself cry, but as a general rule of thumb, he simply doesn’t cry.

y/n’s known him for ages. even as a little kid, falling off his bike, tripping over his feet, blood could be gushing out of a fatal wound of his body and she swears he would just walk it off, free of any tears.

but now tears stream down his face. it’s a sight to see. he roughly wipes them away with the sleeve of his shirt, even looking surprised at himself to be crying.

and she isn’t quite sure what to do about any of this, she’s aware, now, that her initial reaction made her seem as though the kiss was unwelcome. and that’s far from the truth.

“stop. just stop.”

he’s got a desperate look on his face and it physically hurts to see.

“what do you want me to do? i’ll do anything. just tell me what to do.” he looks much more sober now. his eyes are more focused and he’s swaying a lot less.

“kiss me again. please.”

he just stands there, jaw slack. if he were animated, he’d have a big question mark over his head.

so she makes the move, instead. she holds him by the back of the neck and kisses him harder than he had.

he smiles into the kiss but again, he pulls apart, this time holding her head tenderly with both hands. “you’re confusing me,” he shakes his head.

“then i’ll make it simple. i’ve had the biggest crush on you since the first grade. here i was thinking i’d be the only pining idiot but now you’re here telling me you feel the same? i can’t believe it.”

he giggles, “you mean year 2?”

“that’s what you get out of this?”

he smiles wider. “can i take you home?”

“you’re drunk. i’ll take you home.”

“yeah, yeah that sounds good.”

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

taglist: @indierockgirrl @itssimpleanditgoeslikethis @milkluvr8 @americanangel

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bisluthq · 8 months ago

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Anon, I wasn’t done yet, I do feel sorry for Taylor, because that hurts and been on the same side of it, but it applies to Taylor as well. She met her equal. She is also a monkey brancher (and rebounder) and doesn’t take time to heal, ever. They always say you should take at least 6 months to a year, being single & alone to properly process emotions, if you don’t, it screams codependency (or, leans into narcissism, not diagnosing either of them) so we will go with codependency. And just like that, is why I don’t think neither couples down the line will end up fully happy. Both Taylor and Matty because both seem to be settled on their monkey branched rebounds, and fast pacing them. The idea that you get love bombed & feel intensive love for somebody then don’t get proper closure > ghosted, is a huge mental warfare mind fuck, being with Travis doesn’t suddenly “cure” that. Especially when she didn’t take time to heal. Same applies to Matty, this could be settling on someone easier, being petty, and unhinged but also again Gab being the easy option, because it fell through with Taylor which was the true challenge.

Some of you need to stop reading things personally too, I didn’t “say” it is the end all, and it’s one of the various reasons, we don’t know “what” reason it is.

fair and reasonable take overall imo.

I just don’t like that it still sorta erases the possibility that Matty just fell super hard for Gabby and Tay fell really hard for Travis and both of them really do wanna get married and have kids idk.

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the1975attheirverybest · 8 months ago

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tbh yes, Gab is also an influencer, but it’s not like she’s behaving like every other influencer that shows every single thing of her life. She’s very private about her relationship with Matty, we barely know her, she just does brands deals (many of them food related) and models for different brands. It’s the exact same thing Gabriella did, but everyone loved her back in the day, and some people still “want her back”, I don’t understand why it should be a problem with Gabbriette. I know that Matty has said multiple times that he doesn’t like the vapid world of fame, but he’s also a contradictory person like everyone is. I would understand if she was the type of influencer that was constantly commodifying her life, but she’s doing quite the opposite, since she always posts about her job and even goes days without posting anything. I’m not attacking anyone, because I’m not particularly fond of influencers, but Gab is almost bad at her job since we don’t know shit about her 💀

I say this about all of his relationships (except twigs obviously). I don’t think it matters one way or the other though. This is his life and his business lmao. Like I think people who “want Gabriella back” are insane. It’s not our place to have a take like that. That’s crossing a line.

My criticism of Gabbriette is for her occupation and public character. I would have this opinion on her whether she was dating him or not. Dating him then also means that he sees these things and is also okay with them. Which is against who he has claimed to be for years. But also, like I have been saying, his romantic choices are wacky. I think he knows that himself. Hence “and I won’t get clothes online cuz I get worried bout the fit. But that rule don’t apply concerning my relationships.” Lmao. He knows. He’s not an idiot.

Finally, respectfully, “she’s not like other influencers” simply isn’t a thing. You wouldn’t be saying that if she weren’t Matty Healy’s gf.

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jiskblr · 3 months ago

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It is regulation. Also the fundamental insanity of the environmentalist movement, which created the regulation, but it's regulation. From Matty Glesias:

Noah acknowledges, in passing, one particular provision of the existing nuclear regulatory framework on the United States that’s very important: radiation is held to the As Low As Reasonably Achievable (ALARA) standard, which makes it essentially impossible for nuclear to be cost-competitive. Suppose I had a design for a cost-effective nuclear reactor, and I said I should be allowed to build it, because electricity is good and air pollution is bad. The regulator is going to look at it and say, “Well, that reactor seems awfully cheap to build, why not add a bunch more features to make the radiation levels even lower?” And then I will say, “That would be hideously expensive in a way that is net bad for public health, because it leads to more burning of fossil fuels and worse air pollution.” But the regulator comes back and says, “We’re not using a cost-benefit framework, we’re using ALARA.” And I say, “That doesn’t make sense, coal ash is radioactive — you are creating more radiation by raising my costs.” And the regulator says, “I don’t regulate coal plants, I regulate you — ALARA!”

It is forbidden by law for fission reactors to become more economically efficient. This precise standard does not apply in all other countries - France was significantly more reasonable for a long while - but the same principles do.

it would be kind of based if our renewable energy woes were just immediately solved by building a functioning fusion reactor. like all this philosophical hand-wringing about the consequences of our overconsumption, about the need to eschew our worldly possessions and live smaller, simpler lives more in tune with our food and our material goods and where they come from. how climate change is a wake up call to shun the vulgar decadence of modernity and embrace a more humble, soulful way of living. and then it's just like no lmao we solved it with a machine. sorry you spend all that time contemplating the human condition but what we actually needed was a new machine. sorry lmao. there's pretty much free energy forever now don't even worry about.

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gamecrag · 1 year ago

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If you're looking for a game that doesn't try to fill the journey to the fun parts with monotony, IdleOn might be right up your alley. It's very common these days for games to make progression a chore so they can extract money from you, but in this game, you can progress even without grinding every waking moment. It doesn't matter whether you're enjoying the monster hunting inside the game or dealing with real life problems, if you've set up and geared up your companion characters properly, they will continue completing quests for you at the same time. As an RPG game, loot is one of the most important parts of IdleOn. Stamps in particular play a crucial role in the late-game and the bonuses are a huge boost when it comes to farming money. Stamps themselves are split into the Combat, Skill and Misc categories, and with each type of stamp being focused on 1 specific stat, it's not easy for beginners to figure out what combinations they should go for. So besides unlocking all the stamps, which stamps should you focus on upgrading? We'll cover 10 of the best stamps in the game and why you should upgrade them first. Stamps are a very useful resource in IdleOn that you can manage, apply, and upgrade to make the best out of every stat in the game. Not all of them are created equal, so let’s look at the 10 best ones. 10) Matty Bag Stamp The Matty Bag Stamp increases the Carrying Capacity for Material Items. This may not sound like a big deal if you’re an early-level player – but those who have their inventory filled to the brim with resources knows how useful this can be. And then you can even upgrade it to increase your Carry Cap, which makes it even better than it already is. 9) Talent S Stamp The Talent S Stamp is exactly what it sounds like. It gives the player a boost of Star Talent Points, which can then be used as an investment in whichever Star/Special Talent that you like. It can be leveled up quite a bit, which lets you farm a lot of points before it starts to feel obsolete. 8) Gear Stamp Building is an important part of any resource-based game, and IdleOn is no exception. The Gear Stamp Unfortunately, this stamp is not obtainable in the game at the moment – but it might come back at a later point so it’s worth mentioning here. 7) Nest Eggs Stamp The Nest Eggs Stamp is very straightforward. If you like breeding and want the XP gained from it to be better, then this stamp will do you wonders. Even to start off with, the boost that it provides is not that low. And as you keep leveling it up, things become much more convenient for everyone involved. 6) Feather Stamp The Feather Stamp gives players a +% Movement Speed boost, which perfectly fits the idea of the lightness of a feather. See what the developer did here? In any case, it’s a very useful stamp to have because it can be upgraded quite a bit. And its max level, the speed boost that you receive is very generous – especially if you pair it with other such boost items. 5) Cool Diggy Tool Stamp Mining is one of the skills in IdleOn that you never really stop using, even later on in the game. And the more you level up, the harder it becomes to gain meaningful resources since it takes a while to craft and combine better things. Fortunately, the Cool Diggy Tool Stamp gives you a + Base Mining Efficiency boost, improves your mining experiences and lets you get to the good stuff sooner. 4) Multikill Stamp Multikill is usually something that players discourage because it’s not awfully useful in the long run. But when it comes to stamps, the Multikill Stamp is very useful because it works similarly to a CRIT rate upgrade. It gives you a boost for +% Base Multikill Rate for all worlds, which means that you will be more likely to kill multiple enemies at once with this stamp by your side. 3) Conjocharmo Stamp The Conjocharmo Stamp gives the player + Base LUCK stats, which come in handy more than you would expect.

A lot of things in the game rely on luck, especially the drop of good loot – so having more of it by your side never hurts, even if it’s in the form of a Combat Stamp. And what’s worth mentioning here is that this is not just a minor boost. After you level it up a bit, you get a generous amount of Base LUCK that is visible when things start off. 2) Dementia Sword Stamp The Dementia Sword stamp gives you a Total Damage bonus, which starts off pretty low. But when you level it up, the amount at which your damage gets boosted is actually a lot. So, if you feel like you can use some extra strength, this stamp is undoubtedly what you’re looking for. 1) Multitool Stamp Multitool Stamp is not something that boosts a specific skill for the player. Instead, it gives you a boost for All Skill Efficiency – which instantly makes it a favorite for thousands of players. The more you upgrade it, the better your bonuses become. And every single level up is worth the effort you’ll put into it. That’s it for our guide of the 10 best Stamps in IdleOn that you should use right now. Unlike some of our other guides, this one is more subjective because there is a very large number of Stamps available in the game. So, some of the Stamps that we did not include here might prove to be more useful to you than those that we did mention. But in any case, we hope that you found this guide useful and learned something new today. And while you’re still here, make sure to check out some of our other helpful IdleOn guides too!

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nhlandotherimagines · 4 years ago

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Since When? -Matthew Tkachuk X Fem!Reader

This is approximately 11.2k words of a friends-to-lovers rollercoaster of emotions! I hope you all enjoy! I hope you all enjoy it! @anastasiyaigorevnadobrodevskaya @jonnytoews19 @puckbitchesgetmoney @glassdanse @suzukick

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of nudity, implied sexual acts, angst, negative self talk, “unrequited” love, drinking, also some fluff as well. Please let me know if I missed anything!

In case you don’t know: Y/n: your name, Y/l/n: your last name, and Y/n/n: your nickname (can be replaced with your name if you do not have a nickname of course)

flashbacks are in italics :)

———

“Y/n, this is Macy. Macy, this is Y/n.” Matthew introduces you to the blonde girl he’s been talking about for weeks. She is so much prettier than you could have ever imagined. Beautiful blonde hair, flawless tanned skin, and her legs went on for miles. You shake the thoughts from your head a large grin taking over your own face.

“Oh how formal of you Matthew,” you say mockingly. “Please call me Y/n/n, and despite how Matty here is acting you have no reasons to be nervous. He talks about you all the time, I like you already!” You beam with a wink. Matt’s ears and neck burn red in embarrassment, as you and Macy giggle.

“I could say the same about you y/n/n!” Your stomach twists a little at that, what could Matthew possibly have told her? You and him have been friends for years. Best friends. You live across the hall from him now. When you moved to Calgary he insisted you moved into his apartment, but you know he would never take a girl home with you around all the time. If you are being truly honest with yourself, it has more to do with the fact that you don’t want to think about Matthew with other girls.

Yet here you are, standing in front of his new girlfriend, who could be supermodel. “Would you like to get a drink Macy? Let Matthew go talk boring old sports stuff with his jock friends.” Macy giggles at your request, but agrees quickly placing a kiss on Matthew’s cheek.

————

“Thank you for this. Matt’s been really weird about me meeting you, and I was worried you were going to hate me.” Macy’s smile falters a little when she says this, causing you to choke a little on your drink.

“Wow! He must have made me seem like a total bitch! Sounds like him really. I guess he knows I want whoever he’s with to be perfect for him, but he doesn’t understand that as long as he’s happy and that girl isn’t just a gold digger than I’m happy too.” You knock her shoulder playfully with yours, “He seems very happy with you, and for the record I think you’re really cool.”

The two of you sit in silence for a moment, before Macy speaks again. “So how did you and Matt become friends?”

“It’s a long story, are you sure you want to hear it?” You chuckle, as she nods excitedly.

“Y/n l/n?” The teacher reads out your name.

“Present!” You beam from your spot at the front of the class hand in the air. You hear a few chuckles from behind you, and lower your hand slowly slumping into your chair.

“Matthew Tkachuk?” The teacher continues, after giving you a sympathetic smile.

“That would be me!” His voice causes your eyes to snap to the door. He’s beautiful and chaotic. Bright blue eyes, messy curls, a little smirk, and a cute little dimple to tie it all together.

“Mr. Tkachuk, being late on the first day isn’t the best first impression. Please don’t make a habit of it.” The teacher scolds lightly.

“Sorry, I won’t.” He smiles sheepishly, as he places his backpack on the chair beside yours. “Okay if I sit here?” He looks at you expectantly.

Unable to find your words you nod. He sits down, and smiles at you. “I’m Matthew.” He adds sticking his hand out for you. You take it, face burning red.

“Uh- I’m y/n.” You stutter out. More snickers coming from the seats behind you. Immediately you pull your hand away and stare down at your lap, tears burning your eyes. It was your first day of highschool, and already you weren’t fitting in.

“Well y/n, can I call you y/n/n?” He asks quickly, but doesn’t bother to wait for a response, “Want to eat lunch with me? It being the first day and all I’m trying to make friends. What do you say?”

“Okay.” You reply, and smile up at him. No longer feeling as shy.

So you did eat lunch together that day. And every day after that. You became best friends almost immediately. After a couple weeks, you met his family and fit in well with all of them. Matthew fit just as perfectly in your life. You studied together, you went and watched his games, you did everything together.

It was so easy to be with Matthew, so when he got drafted to the Flames your decision was easy. You immediately applied to the University of Calgary.

“And we’ve been friends forever it feels like.” You smile at her.

“So you guys dated in highschool?” She asks, but it sounds more like a statement than a question. Your eyes nearly popped out of your skull at that.

“No way! Matt and I are only friends, that’s all we’ve ever been, and we are both VERY okay with that.” You cringe to yourself at how awkward you sound, trying to convince her what you were saying was true. And it mostly was, aside from the fact that part of you wanted more, and still do.

“Seriously? Not even like one date?” You shake your head, “not one awkward game of spin the bottle?” Again you shake your head, “not even a drunk hookup?” At that you laugh, and take another swig of your drink.

“I’m being honest Macy. The closest to any of that Matt and I ever had was my seventeenth birthday.” You shudder at the memory, “Neither of us enjoyed that.”

Macy’s face lit up at that. “Well now you have to tell me!”

You are standing in front of your bedroom mirror getting ready for your birthday party. People would be showing up in about an hour, your mom is in the kitchen finishing the cake, your dad cleaning the barbecue, your siblings at friends houses, and here you are standing mostly naked in front of the mirror. Admiring the brand new navy blue lingerie set you just bought, your very first set. You feel really sexy, for the first time ever, which at seventeen is a big deal.

You aren’t sure how long you’ve been standing there, when the door opens, but you are too zoned out to even notice as you run your fingers along the lace resting on your hips. “Oh fuck!”

As soon as you hear his voice you turn towards the door and do your best to cover your exposed body.

“MATTHEW JESUS CHRIST GET OUT!” You scream at him, tears blurring your vision. He mutters an apology as he quickly exits your room.

You cry for awhile, the embarrassment making you not want to get off your floor. However, you do eventually, and change into the dress your mother bought specifically for your party. It was black, and much more mature than your mother would have ever let you wear before, or maybe it’s because you yourself look more mature. Who knows? All you know is that you don’t want to face Matthew.

It turns out that you don’t have to. Matthew doesn’t show up for the party. Brady does though, telling you he isn’t sure what happened, but Matthew isn’t feeling well. You know why though. He was repulsed.

You cry yourself to sleep after everyone leaves. Even going as far as throwing out the set of lingerie, unable to look at it anymore.

You thought you lost him that day. Thankfully though, the following Monday it was like nothing happened. Neither of you bring it up again.

“Wow! He never mentioned it?” She laughs in astonishment.

“Not once! I think he’s forgotten really. It’s not like there was really much to see anyway.” You go back and forth like that all night, sharing stories, buying each other drinks, dancing together. It is perfect.

Across the bar Matthew smiles to himself, watching the two of you getting along so well.

“Dude I told you they’d get along!” Noah Hanifin says slapping a hand over Matthew’s shoulder. He doesn’t hear him come over to where he stood leaning against the bar watching you and Macy dancing together, so it startled him at first.

“I knew they probably would, it’s just if they didn’t,” Matthew stops for a moment staring down at his drink. “I wouldn’t be able to choose.”

“Why would you have to choose?” Noah doesn’t get it, and Matthew isn’t sure the answer really.

“Every time I’ve been seeing a girl they always get weird once they finally meet y/n. Most of them just can’t handle the fact I’m so close to a girl.” He shrugs, and Noah sends him a knowing smile.

“So you’ve never told me, were the two of you ever a thing?” Noah asks, taking a drink of the beer in his hand.

Matthew throws his head back laughing loudly. “Seriously Hanifin? You’ve met the two of us right? We have been friends forever. Nothing else.”

“You’ve never even just hooked up? I don’t know, you two just fit so well together I assumed you would have tried it out at least once.” Noah shrugs.

“No way!” Matthew chuckles awkwardly, wanting the conversation to end.

As the two friends lean against the bar in silence, his eyes fall on you. You’re wearing a cute little black dress similar to the one you’d worn the day he thought he’d lost you.

It is your birthday, and Matthew can’t wait to give you the present he bought you weeks ago. It is a miracle he kept it a secret this long. Sure your party isn’t for another hour or so, but he can at least help everyone get ready. That way he can give you your present sooner, and without the prying eyes of your mutual friends.

So here he was walking up to your front door, the little velvet box tucked inside his backpack. Inside it a beautiful gold necklace, the pendant a simple letter ‘M’. Sure, maybe it was cheesy, but you love cheesy. As for Matthew he loves seeing you happy, and he loves you.

“Hey Matthew honey! Y/n is in her room.” Your mother greets him as he comes through the front door. He exchanges a quick hello and starts up the stairs to your room.

Matthew takes a shaky breath, trying to steady his breathing. His heart is racing, why is he so nervous? He tries to convince himself it is just because he wants you to like the gift and not because he has feelings for you. When he finally pushes open your door though, all of the air he had just tried to hold onto, leaves his body immediately. There you are. Standing in front of your mirror, back to him. Your hair curled loosely, and wearing nothing but a set of navy blue lingerie. Matthew is frozen, unable to speak. His eyes rake over your body, even though he knows it is wrong. You look good. So good in fact, Matthew’s pants have tightened considerably since he stepped through your door.

“Oh fuck!” He groans, eyes widening as he finally realizes the gravity of the situation. He watches you spin around, horror and embarrassment clear on your face.

“MATTHEW JESUS CHRIST GET OUT!” You yell, you sound so angry to Matthew. He is immediately embarrassed. Embarrassed to be caught, but mostly embarrassed by the affect you have on him.

Matthew runs home. He pleads with Brady to just put his name on the gift he is bringing, and to let you know he isn’t feeling well. The truth is, he doesn’t feel well. He is scared. Scared everything has to change. The two of you don’t talk all weekend, but maybe Matthew stalks your Instagram to make sure you have a good birthday.

However, the following Monday the two of you fall back into your normal routine. The incident is never brought up again, aside from in Matthew’s dreams that is.

Matthew shakes his head, trying to physically rid it of the memory. He smiles sadly down at his drink knowing that the necklace he bought you that year now sits safely in a box on the top shelf of his closet. He never got to give it to you.

“What ‘cha thinkin’ ‘bout space cadet?” You grin up at him. He smiles back at you, and throws his arm around your shoulder. Subconsciously he scans the room for Macy. “Chill out Matty she’s in the bathroom. You looking to dip on me already? I mean how can I blame you? If I got to go home with someone THAT hot I’d be leaving as soon as I could.”

“I’m not trying to dip!” He shoots back in defence.

“Okay! Okay! Cool it Chucky! I’m just teasing. I like her a lot! Why were you so worried?” You wrap an arm around his waist as he pulls you tighter into his side.

“Dunno. I guess your opinion is kind of important to me. Wouldn’t wanna displease my sidekick.” He smirks down at you.

“Oh please! If anyone is the sidekick here it’s you Tkachuk! Know your place.” You tease, as Macy finds her way over to the two of you. “He’s getting on my nerves! He’s your problem now. Have fun lovebirds!” You wink at them as you slip away. You need another drink, something hard. You also need someone to take home tonight. So you wouldn’t have to think about Matthew and Macy.

You like her. She is perfect for him, and she makes him happy. That’s what you want. It doesn’t mean you don’t wish it was you.

————

The next morning Matthew makes his way back to his own apartment. He had spent the night at Macy’s, but decides to get home early as his parents and siblings are going to be in town later in the day. When he turns down the hall, he notices the guy leaning against your doorframe. He can’t see you, but he can hear your laugh. “I’ll see you later yeah?” Nathan says leaning in to press a kiss to your lips.

“Um sure. Yeah.” You immediately start beating yourself up internally for how awkward that sounded. Sure Nathan is sweet, and last night was great! He just doesn’t feel right.

You say your final goodbyes, and promise to text him later before you close your door. Little do you know, your best friend is waiting in the hallway to greet your new friend. “Fun night fella?” Matthew smirks at him.

His eyes go wide as he realized who exactly it is standing in front of him. Matthew’s ego inflates significantly at how terrified this guy seems. “Uh yeah it was alright.” Nathan manages to stammer out.

“She’s something isn’t she? I’m Matthew.” Matt sticks his hand out for the stranger.

“Nathan, and uh yeah she’s great.” The two continue awkward small talk for a couple seconds longer before Matthew lets himself into your apartment.

“So Michael huh?” Matthew grins over at you. You roll your eyes, taking a long drink of your coffee from where you stand leaning against the counter.

“It’s Nathan, but you knew that smart ass. What about him?” You challenge, slightly annoyed that he had to show up and give you a hard time. Matthew just shrugs walking over to you, pushing himself up onto the counter beside you.

“He just doesn’t seem like your type.”

“Matty, how the hell would you even know what my type is?” You cross your arms glaring at him.

“He’s skinny, and he is definitely vanilla as all hell. Sure those aren’t bad things, but you and I both know you want a strong man to be in control. Only in the bedroom of course.” He adds with a wink. Your cheeks flame in response, shoving him. He’s exactly right. Nathan was a little scrawny, and not overly confident in the bedroom. Sure he was great, but he wasn’t Matthew. You curse yourself for even thinking about your friend that way. Your best friend that’s all he is.

“Matthew, get out of my apartment. Your family will be here soon, and I need to get ready to see my favourite Tkachuk.” You tease back. He rolls his eyes, but says nothing as he slips from the counter making his way out of your apartment.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as the door shuts behind him. You need to start distancing yourself from him before things get out of hand.

————

“Y/N!!!” Brady gathers you up in a hug before you even have the chance to close Matthew’s door.

“Hey Brady” you giggle into his hair. He sets you down after giving you a quick spin, pressing a soft kiss to your hairline.

“How’ve you been bug?” He asks, throwing an arm over your shoulder after you finally shut the door. Him and Matthew have called you the dumb nickname for a long time, and at this point it hardly bothers you. You and Brady were always really close, but it was never the same as you and Matthew. He was more like a brother for you, one you annoy, share all your secrets with (especially if they involved boys), and also gave him a hard time. With Matthew, sure you annoy each other, and share secrets, but you and Matthew were a team. Inseparable. It doesn’t make sense, even to you, but you did love them both.

“Not too bad, trying to keep Mr. Hotshot in check. The usual. Though I’ve had some help recently, so honestly I’ve been a little bored.” You quip loud enough for Matthew to hear. Judging by the look on Matthews face though, he hadn’t missed any of the interaction.

“Oh get a room already would you!” He grumbles rolling his eyes and walking away. You and Brady share a look, and he shrugs to signal he’s just as confused as you.

Brady leads you to the couch, and you sit down. The two of you already deep in conversation, catching up on your lives. Taryn finds her way to the couch soon after joining in on your conversation. “So what’s she like?” Taryn asks after awhile.

“Macy?” You ask, and the two siblings nod at you expectantly. “She’s really great! She’s kind, smart, and not to mention a total bombshell! She is perfect for Matthew, I’m happy for them.” Brady just looks at you with a sad smile.

You want to tell him that it’s the truth, that you actually love her to death. Something stops you though, you’re not sure why, but you stay quiet.

Soon after Macy knocks on the door. Matthew runs to answer it before either of his siblings can even react. When you see her, your heart nearly stops. Once again you are in awe of just how beautiful she is. You stay rooted in your spot on the couch as the Tkachuk family takes turns fawning over her. For the first time ever, you felt out of place. You’ve spent the better part of a decade being that girl, the one the whole family raves about. The family chirping Matthew about what a miracle it was you stuck around. Sure it got old fast, but you loved it. Now you can’t help the jealousy that spreads it’s roots through your heart.

After the dinner, if you could even call delivered Chinese food that, you pull Matthew aside after the others make their way to the living room. “Hey Matt, I’m gonna head home I’m kinda tired.”

“String bean do that much damage Y/n/n?” He smirks down at you, and your face twists a little unable to find the humour in his friendly chirp. Matthew’s smirk quickly falls from his face. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah ‘m fine Matty. I’m just gonna go okay? I’ll talk to you tomorrow yeah? Tell everyone I’m glad I got to see them.” You muster a small smile as you turn towards the door. “You’re not gonna say bye yourself?”

“They’re having fun Matt.” You send him a better smile at that, trying to let him know everything is okay. You feel far from okay though, and you can’t even explain why. “And you should be too! Now get in there before Brady talks Macy into finding someone better!” You give him a playful shove towards the chatter in the living room. Thankfully Matthew chuckles at that, and let’s you go.

He watches you closely as you leave, and he feels guilty. Running through his mind everything that might have made you want to leave. Was it Brady? Was it him?

God it was killing him, and that was evident on his face as he walks into the living room. Brady catching his eye as soon as he did, noticing the frown that Matthew quickly covers with a smile. “Y/n told me to let you know she was heading home for the night, and she was so happy to see you all. Except Brady of course.”

“Awe well I wish you let us know before she left Matt, we hardly see that girl anymore.” Chantal spoke, but Matthew barely heard her. All he could focus on was the glare Brady was sending him. Matthew just shrugs at his brother, his form of silent communication to let Brady know he doesn’t know what he was upset about. Brady responded with his own silent gesture, a head nod in the direction of the kitchen.

As he peels himself from the chair he was seated in, Brady makes his way silently to the kitchen. Matthew follows, hand rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly once the two brothers are finally alone. “Why did she really leave? What did you say to her?” Brady was quick to jump on Matthew with questions, that if he were honest, Matthew was not expecting.

“What the fuck are you talking about? She was tired so she went home.” Matthew throws back, already angry his brother assumes it was his fault.

“It’s Y/n we are talking about! That girl has been around for years, I’ve seen her pass out at our kitchen table on family game night. She’d sooner fall asleep on the couch and spend as much time with us as she could than to just leave. And without saying good bye? Seriously dude what the hell did you say?” Brady was trying to keep his voice down, but he was upset. You were his friend too.

“Nothing! And how could I? She spent all night talking to you! She’s probably just going home to sleep with that idiot Nathan anyway.” Matthew grumbles. Brady freezes at his brothers statement. “Nathan?”

“Yeah some guy she took home from the bar last night.” Matthew explains like it was common knowledge, “he seems like an idiot.”

“Matt are you jealous?” Brady asks, a shit eating grin plastered on his face. Matthew rolls his eyes and groans out loud. “Brady are you stupid? No wait don’t answer that, you are. Y/n is my best friend. She can sleep with whoever she wants whenever she wants. I have a girlfriend.” Matthew’s fists clench at his sides, and Brady’s eyes flicker down to them briefly.

“Well the two of you need to figure your shit out.” Brady adds, turning on his heels and heading back to his spot in the living room. Matthew unclenches his fists, and takes a deep breath before joining the rest of his family again.

———

You sit on your bed, legs tucked under you, leaning back against the headboard. You press Brady’s contact, and watch as the phone rings. You didn’t FaceTime Brady often, but this was necessary. “What’s up bug?” Brady’s smile immediately makes you feel less anxious.

“Well it’s kind of a long story, I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple months now. He’s great, but I don’t really know how to introduce him to Matt without him being weird about it.” You chew your bottom lip anxiously, cheeks warm with embarrassment. It sounds so stupid to say it out loud. Brady’s laughing pulls you out of your spiral. “What’s so funny? Brady I’m serious Matthew makes everything so awkward!”

Finally Brady manages to catch his breath. “Y/n I had basically this exact same conversation about four months ago with Matt. You two are literally impossible! You’re best friends, you just want each other to be happy. As for Nathan-“

“How do you know his name? I never told you that?” Your dumbfounded expression has Brady in hysterics once again. “Matthew.” You groan, finally having pieced it all together. You mumble something about having to go before you end the conversation with Brady. You pull on an old hoodie of Matthew’s that’s slightly too big for you, and quickly make your way to Matthew’s apartment.

You let yourself in, like you always have. Instead of being met by Matt playing video games like you expected, you’re met with a much more horrifying image. Matt has Macy pinned to the couch, and let’s just say they aren’t having a wrestling match. The noise of shock that escapes you alerts the couple of your presence. “Y/n!” Matthew exclaimes quickly crawling off of Macy. He grabs the nearest throw pillow covering his junk with it awkwardly.

After far too long of gaping at the couple you manage to snap out of it, turning back to head for the door again. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry! I didn’t- oh Jesus! Pretend I was never here I’m sorry!” You’re out of his apartment in record time. Collapsing just inside your apartment door, tears stinging your eyes. The embarrassment was overwhelming, how were you supposed to face either of them ever again?

———

“Well fuck!” Matthew groans after the door slams shut behind you. Macy starts giggling from her place on the couch, and Matthew sends her a glare.

“Oh loosen up tough guy! At least you’re even now!” She shoots back wiggling her eyebrows at him. Matthew stands frozen in his place. “What are you talking about?”

“Her 17th birthday Matthew, do you actually not remember that?” Macy let’s out an awkward laugh, as she watches the pain on Matt’s face. “She told you that?” Matthew is angry, and he knows he shouldn’t be. Why would you tell his girlfriend about that when you have never even talked to him about it? He’s your best friend.

Macy just nods, slightly scared to actually admit it out loud. Matthew lets out a small ‘oh.’ before leaving the room. He emerges a few minutes later fully clothed to find Macy gathering her things to leave.

“I’m sorry you don’t have to leave.” Matthew mumbles, but he only half means it. Sure he doesn’t want her to leave, but he needs to talk to you. Needs to make this right.

“Go talk to her Matty, seriously. Figure it out, I’m not sure why it made you so upset that she just walked in here. What did you expect? She always does. Set some boundaries maybe? You’re a grown man Matthew, it’s not my job to play the parent and fix whatever is happening here.” Macy huffs, slamming the door just as hard as you had not long before. Why was everyone so upset with him? First Brady, then you, now Macy too? What was he doing wrong? And why did the get so upset about Macy bringing up your 17th birthday?

Matthew tries not to get caught up in his mind too long. Instead he roots through his closet shelves looking for your birthday present. Sure maybe it was 6 years late, but how else could he make up for the awkward night?

———

You are laying on your living room floor when Matthew lets himself into your apartment. “What are you doing on the floor?” Matthew chuckles, leaning against the wall closest to you.

“‘M not sure.” You mumble, unable to look at him. Instead you study a paint chip directly above you. You hear Matthew set something down before he pushes your coffee table a few feet away. He then drops himself next to you rather ungracefully, tucking an arm behind his head. “I’m sorry I didn’t knock.” You say quietly, so quietly in fact Matthew almost doesn’t hear it. He does though and he turns his head to face you.

You turn towards him, taking in his features for the first time since he entered your apartment. The sad smile on his face knocks the wind out of you for a moment, as you get lost in his blue eyes. “When have you and I ever knocked? I should’ve put a sock on the door handle.” He chirps back, sealing it with a wink. You laugh lightly at his comment, and turn your gaze back to the paint chip.

The two of you stay like that for awhile. Staring at a paint chip, in total silence. Your thoughts consuming you, as the tension seems to grow thicker by the second. You’re not sure how long passed before Matthew breaks the silence, but it was long enough that it startled you when he does. “At least we are even now. Though I’m pretty sure you got to see a lot more than I did.”

Lifting yourself up onto your forearms you turn to him again, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, I thought you’d forgotten. Or maybe you just didn’t want to talk about it with me because you were so angry. I just can’t believe you talked about it with Macy and not me.” He rambles on, but now it was him refusing to look at you. He looks hurt, and your mind races trying to put the pieces together. Then it hits you.

“My birthday.” You say, more to yourself than Matthew, but he nods finally meeting your gaze. “I’m sorry Matt, I just thought if I told her that story it would ease her mind about us. I was too scared to bring it up to you, and then so much time had passed it felt wrong to even talk about it.” Your confession causes Matthew to look even more confused. “Ease her mind? How would that story ease her mind?”

So you tell him. You tell him about how, like everyone else who has met the two of you, Macy assumed something had happened between you. A kiss. A relationship. A hookup. Something. “So I told her the story so she’d understand that even at 17 you were appalled by the sight of me, and how embarrassed I had been. And I told her that was our one and only ‘intimate’ experience.” You make sure to throw air quotes around the term intimate. Your explanation however, did not seem to make Matthew feel better.

“Are you serious? Not once in my life have I ever been ‘appalled’ by your appearance.” He looks extremely offended as he uses air quotes in the most mocking way possible. “Why would you even think that?” You laugh at that, though there is very little humour behind it.

“Matthew, we were 17. I’m not much to look at now, and back then?” You wince at the mere thought of your 17 year old body. “I certainly never had anything like the girls you were into Matty. I’m not stupid it’s okay.” He stares at you now. Mouth open slightly, eyes scanning your face. Waiting, hoping you’d say you were joking. Admit you didn’t see yourself as less than any girl Matthew had ever been with, but you don’t. Instead you stare right back at him, an emotion swimming in your eyes Matthew can’t quite place.

“You really think I ran away because I was grossed out by that whole encounter?” He askes, and you nod. Your eyes dropping to the floor. Matthew lets out a deep laugh, and falls back against the floor again. “Y/n. That is so incredibly far from the truth! I was embarrassed, so embarrassed that I ran the whole way home and locked myself in my room. I then pleaded with Brady to just go without me, and put my name on his gift because I thought you were mad at me. I thought you looked incredible, in fact I don’t think I’ve ever sprung a boner so fast in my life.” Your stomach flutters at his confession. The thought of Matthew thinking about you like that made the want you’d been pushing down for years start to bubble up again. You can’t bring yourself to respond, instead you pick absentmindedly at a loose thread on your shorts. Matthew lets out a loud groan, pulling himself up off the floor entirely.

“Sorry if that made this weird. I hope you understand that you shouldn’t ever compare yourself to any girl. You’re amazing y/n.” You smile up at him and mumble a thank you. It takes everything in you to will away the tears that begin to form in your eyes. “If you don’t believe my story,” Matthew nods to a small box sitting on the coffee table he’d moved earlier. “that is the birthday present I planned to give you that day. It’s the whole reason I walked into your room that day, I wanted you to have it before everyone else showed up.”

With that, Matthew is gone again. A single tear rolls down your cheek as you take in the small box, wrapped in pink wrapping paper. Poorly wrapped you might add. You stand up grabbing the box and a blanket. Wrapping yourself tightly in the blanket, you fall back against the couch examining the package closely.

After twenty minutes of staring at it, you peel away the pink paper with trembling fingers. The dark velvet box, has a sticky note stuck to the top. As you read it, the tears start to fall steadily.

Happy Birthday! I hope you know just how much you mean to me. Hopefully this gift will mean that you never forget me. Love you bug xx-Matty

The little heart he drew at the end pulls a sob out of you. Contrary to the sobs now wracking your body, a smile forms on your face. Slowly, you flip open the small box. Gasping loudly, the box slips from your grasp as both hands come to your face. Although moments ago you wouldn’t have thought it possible, you cry harder now. The necklace is simply beautiful. The small golden ‘M’ makes your heart soar, and break simultaneously.

Your mind runs in circles now. Had you received the gift on the day you were intended to, would things be different? The gift seems more than platonic. You need to confide in someone. You had no idea who to call. You can’t call Brady, he wouldn’t understand. You most definitely can’t call Macy.

Without even thinking you pick up your phone and press on one contact. The phone rings as you press it to your ear. “Hello?”

“It’s beautiful Matt, but it’s too much I can’t take this.” Your voice is shaking and you hope he can’t hear it. Your heart is racing, mind spinning, and nausea swirls through you.

“Y/n/n, keep it please. I bought it years ago, I can’t return it. You’re still my best friend and I want you to have it. We are still friends...” Matthew pauses for a moment, “right?”

“Of course!” You say trying to fight off the urge to tell him you aren’t. You of course would always be friends, but you don’t want that anymore. You can’t continue being a third wheel. “Actually that’s why I went over earlier. I wanted to invite you and Macy out to dinner. Tomorrow night. With me and my boyfriend. If you’re free of course!”

You couldn’t sound more awkward if you tried, but Matthew agrees. You make plans to meet at your favourite diner the following evening, and then say goodnight.

Matthew doesn’t need to know that you slipped the gold chain on after hanging up. Just like you don’t need to know Matthew was currently canceling plans he had previously made with Macy.

———

“Matthew this is-“ You start to introduce the two men standing in front of you, but Matthew quickly interrupts.

“Nathan I know. Nice to uh- see you again I guess?” Nathan let’s out an awkward chuckle as he shakes Matthews hand. “Anyways!” You say breaking the awkward silence that fills the space around you. “Where is Macy anyway?” You ask, taking your seat at the table. Both guys follow suit, and Matthews gaze finally falls to you.

“She sends her apologies, something came up with work. You’re stuck with just me tonight.” He says, sending a wink in Nathan’s direction.

“Tkachuk I swear to god. Be a pest on the ice all you want, but can we for once have a civil meal?” You glare at him across the table, and Nathan sets a hand gently on your shoulder.

“Don’t worry babe, he’s just having some fun.” Nathan says reassuringly. You smile at him, but the smile quickly fades when Matthew speaks up again. “Yeah babe, we’re just having fun.” He laughs mockingly.

Dinner continues a lot like that. Back and forth, both men trying to prove something. Nathan trying to prove to Matthew that he isn’t temporary. Matthew trying to prove to Nathan, that Matthew is a constant in your life and can end this in a second if he wanted. Whatever this was. The pair even argue over who would pay the bill. You end up paying it yourself, as you leave the testosterone at the table to battle it out.

Nathan has to get home, as he has work early tomorrow. So of course Matthew takes it upon himself the drive you back home. The ride is silent, and you fiddle with the chain around your neck the whole way. No words are spoken until Matthew puts the car in park. “String bean know you’re wearing my initial?” He smirks, eyes falling to where your hands still tug at the chain.

“What’s your issue with him?” You spit, anger getting the better of you. “I was nothing but accepting of Macy. I befriended her for you Matthew! Why can you not for once just be nice and do this one thing for me?” You don’t wait for his response, instead you throw yourself out of the vehicle. You forego the elevator, choosing instead to take the stairs to get to your apartment as fast as you can. Once there you slam your door, and bang your forehead against the back of the door.

After a moment of just leaning against the inside of the door a small knock sounds from the other side. “Go away.” You grumble, knowing exactly who is on the other side.

“Bug. Please just listen.” He pauses for a moment and you just let out a shaky breath. “I’m scared you’re settling. I want you to be happy, but I get the feeling he’s not it. I’m sorry I was rude, that was a dick move. I just really care about you, and just because I know I could totally take string bean in a fight, doesn’t mean I want to. I know you’re lonely, and you’re feeling like a third wheel. You’re allowed to date Bug, but I want you to be happy and loved. If it’s really string be- Nathan.” He corrects himself, “If it’s really Nathan you want, then great! I’ll apologize to him, and we can move on. But Y/n, I think you and I both know he’s not. Find what you want and go get it. You deserve it.” Tears are flowing silently down your cheeks. Matt is right. Nathan is not what you want, he never will be. It’s Matt, it’s always been Matt.

After a minute or two of trying to compose yourself, you really think about Matthew’s words. Find what you want and go get it. He’s right, how can you ever be happy if you don’t at least try to chase what you want? So with that you fling open your door, ready to run into Matthew’s arms. To tell him how you feel, to tell him that it’s him you want.

As if the world was trying to play a cruel trick on you, it’s not Matt’s arms you’re greeted with. Instead of being held tightly in his warm embrace, you find yourself surrounded by a cold and empty hallway. It’s so quiet, you can practically hear the sound of your heart breaking all over again. You laugh humourlessly at how stupid you feel. You had hoped Matt’s words of encouragement were a sign. A sign that he could see your harboured feelings, and wanted nothing more than for you to act on them.

Matt watches you through the peephole in his apartment door, heart shattering as you shrink back into your apartment. Nothing was fixed. Macy had told him to fix this, but he’d only manage to make it worse.

———

“Why’d you call her that?” Macy presses, moments after her and Matt walk into his apartment. Matthew shrugs, which is not helping the situation. He could just be honest, and tell Macy that he and Brady had always called you bug.

It all started one summer afternoon when you had thrown a total fit after Brady had pointed out a bug had landed in your hair. For months Brady and Matthew would randomly yell ‘BUG!’ while pointing at you to get a reaction. At some point they just started calling you bug. It was stupid and platonic. At least it was for Brady. The way Matthew said it was always different. It gave you butterflies, and Matthew would be lying if he said he didn’t love the pet name.

“It’s just a nickname.” He defends, walking to the kitchen. She follows closely behind him, watching closely as he grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. He leans against the counter taking a long drink, as Macy stands with her arms crossed waiting for more. Matthew was getting frustrated with the whole situation. “Are you seriously upset about me calling her bug?” He asks in disbelief.

Macy shakes her head, laughing humourlessly with a roll of her eyes. “No Matthew. I’m not. It’s a cute little nickname and that’s absolutely fine. It’s the fact that when she’s around you’re different. It’s like you’re scared to stand too close to me, like she might be upset about it. You tiptoe around her, you didn’t even want to tell her about me Matt. Are you ashamed of me?” The emotion evident in Macy’s eyes, is something Matt hasn’t seen from her before. Something he wasn’t expecting.

“Macy, I am not ashamed of you at all. I-it’s just that Y/n has no one in Calgary, and I’ve always been her bestfriend. When I started seeing you I was scared she’d cling to whoever she felt could fill the spot I had to step back from. And she did, and she isn’t happy with him. I’m sorry that you suffered because of it.” He tries to explain, walking to the girl standing in front of him. He grabs her hips and places a kiss to her temple as tears threate to slip down her cheeks.

“I’m your girlfriend Matt. Start acting like it.”

———

“How did it go?” Brady asks, his goofy smile way too close to the screen. He FaceTimed you a few times a month usually. Checking in, on you and Matt both. He knows you had gone to dinner with Matt and Nathan two nights ago now. You know he called looking to say ‘I told you so’, but you know he won’t be able to. This was one time you truly wish he could.

“Uh it. Well, it wasn’t great.” You frown, and Brady’s smile quickly falls as well. “Nathan and I broke up.”

“WHAT!? Do I have to fight a man, because I have done it before and I’ll do it again?” He jokes to lighten the mood that quickly shifted.

“I actually broke up with him...” Brady’s face twists in confusion. Trying to piece together what he’s missing. A week ago you were so stressed out about Matthew not liking this guy, that you didn’t even want them to meet. Now you had broken up with him? Needless to say Brady was baffled. “He wasn’t what I wanted, I was settling.” You mumble a little embarrassed, as you fiddle with the chain that hasn’t left your neck.

“Y/n... you have to move on.” Brady says gently. Certainly not the reaction you were expecting.

“Brady, I’m fine. I broke up with him. I’m over Nathan, honestly there was nothing to get over.” You shake your head, bringing a smile to your face to emphasize the fact you are okay.

“Not Nathan.” Brady sighs shaking his head. It doesn’t make sense, but judging by the serious tone of his voice and the gentle smile. You aren’t going to like where this was going. “You need to get over Matthew.”

The minute the words leave his mouth you want to scream and cry. Tell him he’s wrong, and an asshole for even assuming that. You want to tell him he’s right. To ask him for help. You want to ask him why you have to get over him, and explain that you can’t. You want to ask him so many questions, but only one comes out; “Why have I never been good enough for him Brady?” You’re crying now. No actually, you’re sobbing. You’re inconsolable, and Brady is in Ottawa.

“Y/n it’s not like that.” He doesn’t know how to let you down easy. How can he explain that Matthew loves everything about you, but would never love you the way you love him? How can someone explain that you were exactly what Matthew wants, and that’s why you’ll never be his. Matthew can’t lose you. He can’t wreck what you have. Brady doesn’t know that Matthew used to want you that way. All he knows is that anytime he, Chantal, Taryn, or Keith brought it up Matthew would laugh and say he could never date you. You are his bestfriend. The truth is, Matthew knows he isn’t good enough. Not for you. No one ever will be. You are perfect to him.

“Forget it.” You bark, more aggressively than Brady deserves, but you are hurt. You have never talked to anyone about how you feel about Matthew. Having Brady call you out like that terrifies you. Who else knows? Taryn? Chantal? Does Matthew know? Just the thought of it makes your stomach churn. You immediately end the FaceTime call, not allowing Brady to say anything else.

He tries calling back. You ignore him, just like you ignore the constant stream of texts. He even has Taryn trying to get ahold of you. Of course he does. You shut off your phone, and curl up on your couch. The bad reality tv show playing softly in the background can’t even keep your attention. You instead, stare at the coffee table. It’s still pushed farther to one side of your living room, right where Matt left it. You continue to stare at it, your whole body feeling numb, until finally sleep takes over.

———

Matthew knows something is up as soon as Brady calls him. “What happened Brady?” Matthew asks, concern for you beating out any rational thoughts. He knows how pathetic he sounds, and prays his brother doesn’t pick up on it. As soon as Brady mentions your name, Matthew demands more information, but Brady won’t tell him what happened.

“I’m sure she’s fine Matt, I just upset her and now she won’t answer my calls. Please just check on her and tell her I’m sorry.” Brady says, before abruptly being hung up on. Again.

Matthew quickly makes his way to your door, and lets himself in. Sure he should knock, but he knows if you are upset you likely won’t answer anyway. The sight that meets Matthew when he enters your apartment makes his heart burst. There you are, curled up in a blanket fast asleep, hand clutching the pendant around your neck. He tries his best to stop the feeling in his gut as he realizes how domestic this moment feels.

Matthew gathers you in his arms as gently as he can, and carries you to your bedroom. As he lays you down, you adjust yourself slightly, but it is clear you are out like a light. “You’ll find him bug.” Matt whispers as he places a gentle kiss to your hairline. “The perfect guy is going to come along and sweep you off your feet. You’ll have that big wedding you’ve always wanted, a couple beautiful little babies, and I’ll be there cheering you on. You’re perfect bug, never settle.” Matthew fights back the lump that forms in his throat, as he pushes the hair gently from your face. “I wish it could’ve been me.” He says it so quietly that if you had been awake you still may not have heard him. So he leaves, pushing all those thoughts away and trying to remember that you’ll always be his best friend. Just his best friend.

———

“Well if it isn’t Matthew’s better half!” Mark greets you as you find your way into the backyard. You somehow got an invite to the teams’ end of the season BBQ, and now here you are already getting chirped by the captain.

“Easy there Gio, Matt has a girlfriend now remember?” You joke back with a wink, but you feel a twinge of sadness. You don’t have much time to think about it though, as the captain throws his arm over your shoulder and leans down to whisper in your ear. “I’ve always liked you better though, not sure why he’d pass up on you.” The blush that floods your cheeks makes your whole body feel hot with embarrassment. You know he’s joking, but it does feel good to hear it.

Mark leads you deeper into the yard, as you say hi to everyone. “There she is!” Your head snaps around quickly as you hear Matt’s voice. As soon as your eyes land on him, you notice his are already on you. “Hey Matty!” You greet with a smile as he wraps you in his arms. He smells like sweat and beer, and he refuses to let you out of his grasp. That is until you hear someone clear their throat, and he pulls away awkwardly.

“Macy! How’ve you been?” You greet her with a big smile and pull her into a hug. She responds quietly, and soon after excuses herself to get a drink. You send Matt a questioning look, but he only shrugs and drags you to the beer pong table announcing you are his partner.

That’s how your afternoon goes, beating everyone in beer pong with Matt as your partner. You’re slowly getting tipsy, and subsequently warmer. Peeling your top off, Johnny Gaudreau whistles loudly from across the table. You are wearing a pretty revealing red bikini top, but given the fact you are slightly intoxicated Johnny’s reaction doesn’t bother you. In fact it is welcomed as you send him a wink.

“Hey Gaudreau! How about you stop staring at my friends chest and throw the damn ball?” Matt growls beside you. You bump your hip with his, and furrow your brows at him silently asking if he’s okay. He shakes his head gently in dismissal as he smiles at you.

Macy sits quietly to your left, watching you all play. She watches the way Matt places his hands on your hips to help you get in position. Watches as he lifts you into the air spinning you around after you win a round. Watches as Matthew tries to advert his gaze as you peel your shirt off, his neck turning red, and not because of the hot sun. The straw for Macy was when she seew the emotions on Matt’s face as Johnny hits on you. His entire body tensing, as he grips the edge of the table. Why was he so protective of you? Would Matthew not be happy if two of his best friends dated? It is in that moment that it becomes clear to her. It has nothing to do with him not wanting you to be with Johnny. He wants you to be with him.

———

“Everything okay? You’ve barely said a thing to me all day.” Matt asks when he and Macy finally make it back to his apartment. She sighs loudly, starting to gather anything of hers laying around the apartment.

“You were busy having fun Matt, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of that. Or anything for that matter.” She responds, though her words only confuse him more. She just sends a soft smile in his direction as she shoves more things into her bag.

“Aren’t you staying?” He asks, a small pout forming on his face. Macy shakes her head, turning toward Matt. Her face is apologetic, but mostly unreadable to Matthew.

“You know you’re in love with her right?” Macy blurts out, and quickly clarifies. “Y/n, you love her.”

“Since when?” Matthew shoots back, way too defensively.

“Since pretty much always. That’s why I’m breaking up with you.” She smiles sadly closing the distance between the two. Placing a small kiss to his cheek, she whispers a small apology.

Matthew opens his mouth to protest, ask her to stay. Tell her she’s wrong, and that he loves her, not you. He can’t though, because it would be a lie. She knows it, and so does he. So he watches as she leaves, an uneasy feeling in his stomach as a single tear falls down his face. What has he done?

———

You decide to take a few summer classes to help make your work load for the upcoming school year a little more manageable. Choosing to stay in Calgary for the summer, instead of traveling back to St. Louis with Matthew to see your family. Matthew tries to convince you to go, but you tell him you can’t. You need some distance from him anyway.

———

It was distance you got. You barely talk to him all summer, and tonight will be the first time you’ve seen him since that night at the BBQ.

“How is Matthew doing?” Elias’ girlfriend Annica asks you, as the two of you take your seats at the home opener. You shrug and sigh taking a sip of your drink. “I don’t know, I’ve barely spoken to him since the BBQ at Gio’s.” You admit, a small frown on your face.

“Wait? Did he not tell you!?” She practically shrieks in your ear. You just give her a confused look, a wide smile stretching across her face. “About him and Macy!”

Immediately your stomach drops. You brace yourself for the announcement. Maybe they’ve moved in together? Got engaged? Having a baby? All of the thoughts make you feel sick, but you smile over at Annica trying to hide your emotions. “No I haven’t spoken to either of them really. What are they finally tying the knot?” You try and joke, but really you’re terrified of the answer. Annica’s face falls slightly. Confusion written all over her face.

“They broke up.” Annica explains in a light tone. Almost as if she was explaining it to a child. “Oh.” Was all you manage to choke out, as Annica watches you. She’s waiting for more of a reaction, but you can only sit in shock. What happened? Why didn’t he tell you? Why did no one tell you?

You can barely sit still through the game, you’re mind is running wild. Why had Matt not talked to you about this? Why had he barely spoken to you at all? Was he okay? Who broke up with who? Why do you care so much? Soon enough though all of your questions will be answered. You are standing next to Annica outside the locker rooms, tapping your foot nervously. She asks if you are okay, and all you can do is nod. Elias makes his way out of the dressing room and over to you. He gives you both a quick hug and you congratulate him on their win. “Matt will be out in a few minutes.” He smiles at you, and you tell the couple to have a good night as they leave. Gio and Johnny both stop to talk to you on their way out.

Johnny hangs back and waits with you. “How was your summer? Finally got a break from the pest I hear.” He teases, leaning against the wall beside you. You smirk up at him, “My summer was great! Significantly quieter than I’m used to, but I enjoyed it. It’s nice to see you again though, how was your summer?” He smiles brightly down at you as he launches into some long story about how crazy his training was. You try to listen, and seem interested, but that becomes significantly harder as Matthew finally comes out of the dressing room.

He is wearing a navy blue suit with a white dress shirt. The top three buttons undone, and his tie just draping loosely around his neck. His hair is damp and falls across his forehead, he is staring at his phone still not having noticed you. He almost walks right past you, but you speak up grabbing his attention. “Any time for your biggest fan hotshot?” His eyes snap up from his phone, a grin replacing his previously shocked expression.

“My biggest fan huh?” He smirks pulling you into a tight hug. You grip onto his suit jacket tightly not wanting to let go as you hum into his chest. “That why you’re wearing that necklace?” He teases and you blush trying to hide your face even further in his chest. “Shut up,” You mumble, “I missed you.” He kisses the top of your head mumbling about missing you too. Johnny clears his throat awkwardly, as you quickly pull away from Matthew.

“Well I’m going to head out now, goodnight you two.” Johnny winks at you as he walks away. You turn back towards Matthew to see him smiling down at you, and your stomach drops. A small frown makes its way onto your face as you remember exactly what you came to talk to Matthew about. “Matt, we need to talk.” His face falls a little bit, but he nods and grabs your hand in his. He starts walking further into the building, and you follow. Eyes trained on your hand in his, heart beating rapidly in your chest. You’re so nervous, that you hardly even realize Matthew is leading you up the steps and into two seats in the top row of the arena. As the two of you sit down, you don’t look at him. Instead you stare down at the ice, now only lit by the emergency lights causing a strange glow. You’ve never seen the arena like this, so quiet and lifeless. Your internal thoughts seem amplified in the silence, but you can’t seem to find the words to say what you’re thinking.

You’re not sure how long the two of you sit in silence before Matthew let’s out a sigh, turning towards you. “St. Louis isn’t the same without you.” He says quietly, a sad smile on his face as you finally meet his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Macy?” You blurt out, face heating up in embarrassment once again. Matt stares at you for a moment, before dropping his eyes to his hands that are now fidgeting in his lap.

“I didn’t know what to say.” He mumbles out, playing with his fingers. You shake your head and sigh, pulling your eyes away from the distracting movements of his hands. You decide to examine the ice once again, wrapping your arms across your chest. You’re trying to brace yourself for how badly this might end.

“You didn’t know how to tell your best friend you broke up with your first really serious girlfriend?” Your voice is probably too accusatory, but you’re hurt. How can he keep so much of his life from you? Your mind is running in circles as you wait for a response, attempting to hold yourself tighter.

“Yeah like it’s that easy!” Matthew’s voice is significantly more angry than you are expecting, and your heart rate increases immediately. “I say ‘We broke up.’ And then you ask a million questions about what happened and why, I didn’t know how to say it!”

You look at him now. His eyes are glossy, and his face is red. In anger or embarrassment? Who knows, maybe both. “Matty, I know you really cared about her. It’s not easy to talk about, but if you’re going to move on you have to talk to someone.” You make sure to keep your voice gentle as you speak, “I want to be that person for you Matt, but if I’m not that’s okay. Just please talk to someone, you can’t stay broken forever.”

Matthew laughs at you, but it doesn’t make you feel better. The laugh is humourless, and you can hear the lack of emotion behind it. “That’s the part I can’t explain Y/n, you don’t get it! I’m not broken about it, and I should be! I was in love!” He’s frustrated now, as he runs his hands over his face and through his hair.

“Matthew, it’s okay. People fall out of love all the time!” You place a hand on his bicep to try and sooth him. It seems to work as you feel his muscles relax under your touch. He sighs softly beside you, as he lifts his eyes to meet yours once again.

“I didn’t fall out of love, I’m still in love.” Your brows furrow in confusion, as you search his eyes for any clue about what could be going on inside his head. “Just not with Macy.”

“T-there’s someone else?” You are taken aback, and now your mind is spinning. Did he cheat on Macy? Who is she? Matthew just nods in response. “Have I met her? Oh my god please don’t tell me it’s like one of the WAGs or something!” You are rambling uncontrollably, unable to comprehend what Matthew is trying to say. “Matthew did you cheat on Mac-“ Thankfully he was quick to cut you off.

“It’s you.”

You freeze. Eyes practically popping out of your skull, you open and close your mouth repeatedly. Sure you might look like a fish out of water, but that’s exactly how you feel. You must have misheard what he is saying. Right? The ‘you’ had to be someone else. The look Matthew is giving you right now though, a look of total honesty, a look that is teetering on the edge of disappointment. That look tells you all you need to know. He means you. He is in love with you.

“Since when?” You croak out. Your entire body is trembling with nerves, still terrified he will take it back. Maybe you’re being punked.

Matthew leans closer to you, uncrossing your arms that were still wrapped tightly across your chest. You can feel your heartbeat in your throat as he takes your trembling hands in his. His hands feel different now, softer. They are so much bigger than your own, and you’ve never noticed until now just how right they felt wrapped around your own.

Matthew releases on of your hands, as he brings one to your chin. He tilts your head so you’re looking into his eyes again. “Since always.” He smiles, pressing his forehead to yours. You subconsciously lick your lips, and Matthew takes that as a sign to lean in. His lips hover just above yours, but he doesn’t close the gap.

“Matty-“ you whine quietly, and he smirks in response.

“What’s wrong bug?” He’s teasing you now, and he knows it.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment since the tenth grade, please just kiss me!” Your pleads are finally answered as Matthew finally presses his lips to yours. It’s firm and certain, and intoxicating. Gripping his suit jacket, you pull him closer deepening the kiss even more. Matthew groans against your lips, one hand cradling your neck, the other gripping your hip tightly.

The kiss starts getting more intense, the years of built up tension and pining being shared in this one kiss. Matthew, despite not wanting to stop, pulls away first. Your lips chase his, not wanting the moment to end. Scared that when it does, you’ll wake up. Like this is all a dream. Or even worse, it’ll end, and Matthew tells you he was wrong.

“Easy tiger!” He chuckles, tucking some hair behind your ear. Matthew is positive you’ve never looked so beautiful. You’re lips are pink and swollen, face flushed lightly, and your eyes are big and bright as they look into his.

“Did you mean it?” You ask quietly, “When you said that you loved me, because Matty I can’t do this if you aren’t in. I can’t lose you.” Tears are stinging your eyes now, as your voice cracks with emotion. You can’t lose your best friend, and that has become more clear to you after not being with him all summer.

“I’m not going anywhere, if that’s what you want.” He looks at you hopefully. Your heart is beating so loudly in your chest, you’re almost positive he can hear it.

“Matthew of course this is what I want. I’ve always wanted you.” You pause momentarily, as you see a small smile spread across his face. His dimples now on full display. “I love you Tkachuk. I always have.”

He wastes no time kissing you again. Your hands tangle in his hair that’s still slightly damp, and his hands cup both of your cheeks. “I’m sorry.” He mumbles against your lips. You push him back, so you can look at him.

“Why are you apologizing?” You’re confused now, as you immediately begin building your walls back up. You’re waiting now, waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know this felt too perfect.

“Because,” he sighs, shoulders slumping under your gaze. “I should have done that so long ago. Instead I let you think you weren’t good enough. I let you go on believing that I didn’t love you. Brady told me about what you said, about not being good enough. I hope you know now that it was never like that. You are, if anything, too good for me. I was scared, and stupid, and I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Your heart breaks a little for him. You can see the remorse and guilt written all over his face. “Well Matthew. I can accept that apology under one condition.” You say teasingly, running your hand over his shoulder giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You take me out on a date.”

Matthew smiles brightly down at you, and places a soft kiss to your forehead. “On one condition.” He whispers, lips still pressed against your skin. “You let me take you out as my girlfriend.”

“Anyone ever told you that you’re just a big sap Tkachuk?” You smirk. You don’t think you’ve ever felt so happy.

“Actually my girlfriend has, just now. She’s kinda cute.” You slap his chest playfully and roll your eyes.

“Take me home Tkachuk.” You announce, pushing yourself to your feet. Matthew copies your actions, adding a little salute to make you laugh. It does the job, and Matthew has you laughing the whole way to his car. As he opens the door for you, you lean into his chest pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“You’re perfect.” Matthew says after the two of you are finally settled in to your respective seats in his car.

“Since when?” You scoff, rolling your eyes playfully.

“Always.”

#Since When?#matthew tkachuk #nhl imagines #nhl fanfiction #nhl writing #hockey imagines #hockey fanfiction #hockey writing #Matthew Tkachuk imagines #Matthew Tkachuk fanfiction #Matthew Tkachuk writing #Matthew Tkachuk x Reader

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holidaywishes · 4 years ago

Text

Dusk Till Dawn

Requested: 👍

Summary/Request: 22 of the music prompts with Matthew Tkachuk please? “but you’ll never be alone / i’ll be with you from dusk till dawn” (dusk till dawn, zayn & sia) for @chuckythepest

Warning: fluff, maybe some angst, soft smut (I’ll be honest, I changed my mind about having a bit of smut in here or not and it’s not much but it’s there, so...)

Author’s Note: I’m sorry it’s taken me a little bit longer to write but hopefully it gives you what you’re looking for. I’ve never listened to this song so much in my life; I had it playing on repeat as I wrote this so I could really get a feel of what to write. My friend is a huge Matthew Tkachuk fan, really a huge Flames fan in general, but I have to admit I had to watch a lot of interviews to get a feel for the guy. I also wasn’t sure if I wanted it to be an angsty fic or a fluffy one because the song kinda has both vibes so honestly, it’ll be an adventure for the both of us. If you enjoyed this one, here’s the entire list of prompts. Feel free to send your requests through! Stay Golden, loves <3!

masterlist

the other masterlist

You had been on a vacation with a few of your friends in Cancun for about a week when you got the news that everything was going into lockdown

“What does this mean?” your friend, Beth, asked as she paced around the hotel room

“It means that everyone has to stay inside for a bit” you said

“No, what does that mean for us?” she asked again

“I guess it means that we have to isolate when we get home” another of your friends, Jenna, replied as she dropped onto the bed

“I wouldn’t have left if I knew we were gonna come back to a total nationwide, international lockdown!” Melanie, your childhood friend shouted frantically

“Okay, everyone calm down...” you sighed, “we knew this was a possibility, as much as we might want to say that we didn’t, we knew that we could get home and everything would be shut down”

“So what do we do?” Beth asked

“We...” you stammered, not having the answers but trying your best to stay calm, “we listen. We do what we’re told -- isolate, quarantine, get tested, all of it -- and then hopefully it’ll be over soon.” Your words were like a curse because as soon as you got back to St. Louis, the world seemed crazier than it ever was. Months went by and nothing changed. People were still getting sick, still dying, and there were still people who thought it was all a hoax. Birthdays were spent apart, friends stopped making an effort to keep in touch and it made everything feel... cold and sad. The only thing that seemed to make any sense was your friendship with Matthew.

“What’s up kid?” he texted one day after a particularly hard week and you just about broke down in front of your phone screen

“I lost my job...” you sent back

“Ah shit, I’m sorry”

“It’s fine but thank you”

“It’s not fine”

“I mean, no, but it’s not like it’s just me. Half of the world has lost their jobs”

“That doesn’t mean you have to be all fine about it”

“Matt, seriously, it’s fine”

“You say that now and then two days from now you’ll get pissed about someone else getting promoted”

“I wouldn’t do that”

“Not on purpose but stress can do things to a person...”

“I’ll be fine but thank you for caring so much”

“Anytime!” you smiled at his concern before changing the subject, checking in with his family, asking him about what was going to happen with the season, “I have no idea... everything is still shut down until further notice”

“I hope things get better by Christmas”

“At the rate things are going, I don’t think they will”

“Way to stay positive, Tkachuk” you scoffed to yourself

“It’s what I do 😜” the conversation didn’t last long after that and you went on a spiral of looking and applying for jobs; everything came crashing down when you’re grandpa got sick and you couldn’t visit him. You called the hospital every day, not wanting your grandpa to be alone, but they wouldn’t let you in, ‘protocols’ they said

“I don’t know what to do, Matt” you sobbed over the phone

“Relax,” he tried, “we’ll get you in there”

“They won’t let me in!” you argued, raising your voice in anger, “he’s dying and they won’t let me see him...”

“I can make sure you see him.”

Matthew’s P.O.V

You were trying your best to get (Y/N) into the hospital to see her grandpa but it was taking a lot more effort than you thought

“Please,” you begged the doctor, “he doesn’t have anyone else. She’s not getting any answers and she just wants to see him, even if it’s to say goodbye”

“I’m sorry. I can’t break the rules for your girlfriend” the doctor replied

“No--” you stammered, trying to backtrack, “she’s not my girlfriend. She’s my best friend and she wants to see her grandfather”

“I can’t break protocols for one person. We’re doing everything we can to keep him healthy and if we invite guests inside, it puts our patients at risk,” the doctor explained, “maybe we can set up a Zoom call”

“If he dies and she isn’t there, she will blame herself for the rest of her life”

“I’m sorry. I don’t have a choice...” you angrily hung up the phone, throwing it to the side while you thought up a plan before calling (Y/N).

“The doctor said no...” you said solemnly

“What?” she whimpered, “Matt, he can’t be alone there. In a hospital, he needs to be with people who love him”

“They said they have protocols,” you added, “but we can sneak in there...”

“Sneak into a hospital?” she scoffed, “Matthew, we’re not spies. We can’t sneak into a hospital during a pandemic”

“Just trust me”

“What happens if we get caught? If we get in trouble?”

“We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it”

“I can’t le--”

“Just trust me” you interrupted, convincing her that everything would be okay and ending the call. You made your way to the hospital where (Y/N)’s grandpa had been checked into and asked around about how someone could have visitors

“They’d have to be tested before they came and then retested, temperature checked, when they got here,” a nurse explained, “and then they’d have to sit behind a barrier with a mask on. It wouldn’t be any different than most other places -- we’re following the same guidelines and restrictions, we just have to be 10 times as careful because we have lives at stake”

“But if a family member did all that, the tests and followed the guidelines, they could come visit?” you asked, feeling like you might be getting close to a solution

“Hypothetically?” she started, “it’s possible but there would be a time limit. Maybe 10 minutes maximum and even that’s pushing it”

“I can work with that!” you smiled under your mask and rushed out of the hospital, texting (Y/N) about what needed to be done, the two of you rushing to a testing facility as fast as possible and waited impatiently for the results. When both of your results came back negative, you told her you’d make a call and get her in to see her grandpa; she hugged you tightly before a tear fell from her eye onto your exposed collarbone. “He’s gonna be okay” you whispered

“Thank you,” she replied, keeping her arms wrapped around your neck, “for doing all this for me”

“I know how much he means to you” you smiled at her when she finally let go of you, her eyes softening at your words. You and (Y/N) met when your dad was drafted to St. Louis and had been friends ever since, celebrating each others successes as the years went by. Her grandparents raised her after her mom died and her dad took off, she was only six years old; her grandma died two years later so it was (Y/N) and her grandpa against the world. They were inseparable and she would’ve done anything for him -- including letting you sweet talk a group of nurses to get her into a hospital during a global pandemic. You watched as she made her way down the hallway, the lack of visitors and laughter making everything suddenly feel real, she stopped in front of a large glass door clutching onto the coat that she held in her hands as she waited for someone to let her in. A doctor finally let her in but stayed close by, pulling her out after 10 minutes had passed, not a second more, “come on, man,” you begged, “let her have a little bit more time”

“I can’t” he replied before looking at (Y/N), “I really am sorry.” She nodded at the doctor before looking back toward her grandpa’s room and tucking herself into your side as you made your way out of the hospital. You started to drive her home but after miles of silence, she asked if you could take her to the park where the two of you used to sneak out to

“Yeah, sure” you agreed, keeping your voice soft and letting her rest her head against the window for the remainder of the ride. When you pulled up in front of the park and parked the car, you looked at (Y/N) noticing a stream of dried tears on her cheeks before she swung open the car door and ran to the swings. She did this every once in a while, tried to ignore her pain and focus on putting a smile on someone else’s face by pretending she was fine. You could always tell that she wasn’t fine but you couldn’t always bring her out of it, “(Y/N)...” you sighed

“Come on, Matty!” she called, pushing herself on the swing to see how high she could get, “let’s see if you can get higher than me!”

“(Y/N).. we don’t have to do this. We could just sit and talk if you wanted to...”

“Why? I wanted to come to the park to play, not to talk,” she challenged, “if I wanted to talk, I would’ve gone home or to your place...” you exhaled as you walked toward the free swing beside her, your eyes following her as they tried to catch a glimpse of her face; trying to gauge whether or not she was crying. She didn’t stay on the swing too much longer, instead choosing to jump onto the Merry Go-Round

“You’re gonna spin on this now?” you scoffed

“No,” she answered with a laugh, laying down on the cold metal, “you’re going to spin me and I’m gonna see how long it takes me to get dizzy.. Just like we used to do.” You obliged, letting the sound of her laughter fill the air while the old playground equipment squeaked below her. As you kept spinning her, you noticed that her once happy laughter had been replaced by whimpers and you fought to slow down the Merry Go-Round

“(Y/N)?” you asked as you rushed to her, “what’s wrong? what happened?”

“He’s all alone, Matt...” she cried, “you should’ve seen him, he was so weak and I just wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay but I don’t think he’s going to be okay...”

“Shhh,” you tried to calm her sobs, letting her head fall onto your shoulder, “I’m here”

“I don’t want him to be alone... I don’t want to be alone” she sobbed

“You’re not alone...” you whispered and she looked up at you, her eyes flooded with tears, “you’ll never be alone...” you could tell by the way she looked at you that she wanted you to kiss her but you couldn’t bring yourself to do anything, fearing that she was too vulnerable and you’d be taking advantage of her. So, you continued to hold her instead, for as long as she needed but when she lifted her head up from your shoulder to look at you once more, she made the first move, pressing her lips onto yours as dusk set in and the two of you were the only sound either of you could hear. Your lips moved in sync with hers as your hands laid firmly on her sides; rolling her onto her back slowly so she didn’t hit her head. Her hands roamed to the top of your zipper, pushing the slider down before you tore it off your body quickly, leaving her lips for just a second to throw the fabric behind you. As much as you wanted this to happen, you were still being careful and she could feel your hesitation

“What’s wrong?” she asked

“Nothing,” you lied, “I just want to make sure you’re okay with this. That you’re not just doing this because you’re upset...”

“I know what I’m doing, Matt” she smiled.

When Matt started to drive you home, you asked him to redirect you to the park the two of you used to go as kids; so you could feel a little less like the world was falling apart

“Yeah, sure” he said softly before your head fell against the window as you waited for him to pull up to the park. You had managed to keep your crying quiet enough that, when he saw you, Matt was surprised to see the stream of tears on your cheeks. You pressed your lips together before you rushed out of the car toward the old swing set, jumping on and trying to get as high off the ground as possible

“(Y/N)...” Matt sighed and the tone of his voice was all too familiar so you ignored it

“Come on, Matty!” you laughed when you called to him, “let’s see if you can get higher than me!”

“(Y/N).. we don’t have to do this. We could just sit and talk if you wanted to...” he tried but you shook your head. You just wanted to forget what you’d just seen, forget about what was happening, forget that you might have to be alone again and you really didn’t want to be alone again

“Why?” you urged, “I wanted to come to the park to play not to talk. If I wanted to talk I would’ve gone home or to your place...” he finally walked to the swing next to you and began pumping his legs to meet your height before you could feel him watching you, leading you to hop off the swing and head to the next piece of equipment from your childhood; the Merry Go-Round.

“You’re gonna spin on this now?” Matt scoffed as he followed you to the metal death trap that you climbed on

“No,” you replied, chuckling at his question before lying down, your exposed skin meeting the cold metal below you, “you’re going to spin me and I’m gonna see how long it takes me to get dizzy.. Just like we used to do.” He compressed his lips and did as you asked, spinning you quickly and you laughed as you got increasingly dizzy with every turn before your grandpa’s face popped into your head; tears overcoming you as whimpers left your lips. Matt quickly dug his feet into the ground to stop the Merry Go-Round

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong?” he rushed to you, pulling you close to him, “what happened?”

“He’s all alone, Matt,” you cried as you remembered your grandpa in the hospital. He was all you had and the idea of him not being with you terrified you, “you should’ve seen him, he was so weak and I just wanted to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay but I don’t think he’s going to be okay...” you shook your head frantically at the thought

“Shhh..” he hushed you, letting your head fall on his shoulder, “I’m here”

“I don’t want him to be alone... I don’t want to be alone” you sobbed

“You’re not alone,” he whispered and you felt his body move closer to yours, just to close the space between you, your eyes continuing to brim with tears, “you’ll never be alone.” Whether it was your fear of being alone, of losing the only person who had ever loved you, or if you just wanted to be close to someone, anybody, you looked up at Matt with soft eyes, hoping he’d make a move. But he didn’t. He just held you and, as nice as it was, it wasn’t what you wanted. You lifted your head once more, this time moving your lips closer to his as the sky filled with the dark hues of dusk, his breath brushing across your skin before your lips connected with his. He pressed his hand against your waist as he kissed you slowly, your lips parting just enough for his tongue to inch into your mouth before he shifted his body to lay your back onto the Merry Go-Round, holding your head with his free hand so you didn’t hurt yourself. Your hands found their way to the zipper of his hoodie, sliding it down and pushing the fabric from his arms and he left the kiss just for a second to easily throw away his hoodie, leaning back over you while you waited for him to continue kissing you but he pulled away

“What’s wrong?” you asked, sitting up as he did and you leaned against his back

“Nothing...” he said but you could tell he was lying, “I just want to make sure you’re okay with this. That you’re not just doing this because you’re upset...”

“I know what I’m doing, Matt” you scoffed and he turned his head back to you

“I know you do,” he smiled, kissing your nose playfully, “I just want you to know that you don’t have to”

“I want to” you replied, placing your hand on the side of his face to bring him closer to you, pressing your lips against his and twisting his body back on top of yours. You melted into each other, your breathing in sync as you undid the button of his jeans, setting him free before his hands drifted to push your leggings down. His lips trailed to your neck as he pushed himself into you, eliciting a quiet moan from you and a growl from him when you dug your nails into his skin. You tried not to make too much noise, worrying that the park was still too close to the neighbouring houses, but every once in a while you whined out a curse word

“Fuck,” Matthew moaned out before you could, “oh god” he grunted against your neck as he continued to pump in and out of you, your back arching to gain more friction

“Shit,” you whimpered, “fuck.” His speed increased and you giggled when you heard the Merry Go-Round start to squeak

“Shh” he chuckled

“I’m sorry” you laughed back, trying to focus more on the pleasure than the noise and after a few minutes, Matt released inside you and rolled to the side. You curled up beside him, placing your hand on his chest before you fell asleep next to him. You woke up with the dawn, letting Matt sleep while you watched the Sky lighten

“Good morning” he cooed, kissing your shoulder as he sat up

“Good morning,” you smiled, turning to lay a kiss to his lips, “we should probably get out of here before someone rats us out” he laughed but nodded in response, grabbing his hoodie from the ground and wrapping it around you. You watched him drive smoothly through the streets and you smiled to yourself

“What?” he smirked

“Nothing,” you replied, “I just... like you a whole lot”

“That so?” He chuckled to himself

“Yeah”

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing I like you a whole lot, too.” He reached out his hand to interlock his fingers with yours and a flush of heat ran through your body. He had managed to make you forget about everything for a while and you were grateful to him for that but you were still scared that you’d end up alone in the long run. “Hey,” he said, seemingly catching your eyes fall to your lap, “I meant what I said last night”

“What?” You replied, furrowing your brow

“You’ll never be alone. I’ll always be here for you”

“Thank you,” you smiled, dropping your head on the headrest, “for everything.”

“Any time” he smirked, bringing your hand up so he could kiss it while the two of you drove silently back to his house.

#Matthew Tkachuk #Matthew Tkachuk fic #Matthew Tkachuk imagine #Matthew Tkachuk request #Matthew Tkachuk prompt #Song Prompt #Music Prompt #dusk till dawn #dusk till dawn prompt #ZAYN and sia #request #fic request #imagine request #prompt request #song prompt request #masterlist #the other masterlist #hockey #nhl

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georgiaswarr · 4 years ago

Text

lister bird - part 1 (part 2)

this is me trying - taylor swift

“they told me all of my cages were mental / so i got wasted like all my potential” starting this playlist off with a song that i feel definitely will come to describe lister’s mental state, especially during iana - he’s fallen behind, he’s dependent on partying and drinking, but at least he’s trying to get better

still learning - halsey

this song incorporates a fuckton of lister’s struggles - the pressures of fame, trauma, dealing with past mistakes, of course self-loathing, and much more

timebomb - finish ticket

and another self-deprecating tune !!! this one in particular addresses the connection between drinking/alcoholism and feeling like a fuck-up

the key to life on earth - declan mckenna

i could probably go into great depths to explain how exactly this is a lister song but suffice it to say, lister grew up poor and we mustn’t forget that. “holy smokes / you kids and your jokes / asking where we got our jeans / and where the hell we found our coats” reminds me a lot of meeting lister, him getting into fights and being “held back for after-school meetings”, etc.

new age meds - the wldlfe

“self-deprecation; / a new age medication / and you might need some therapy if / you're gonna live your life suffocating / someone who you're supposed to be” here we have the theme of self-hate again, used in connection with drugs and addiction, too, which is very lister

are you satisfied? - marina

another song highjacked from @kindaorangey, they did a better job than i ever could explaining it here

knock me off my feet - soak

“saturday night on the highest wall / settin' 'em off, all 50 fireworks / kickin' the cannons, we watch them fall / it doesn't exist, the law” lister starts living the high, indulgent life once he gets rich, which is a stark contrast from how he grew up. in the end, though, he still has people he can call his home.

narcissist - no rome

“stayin' late, i just wanna get stoned / telling all your friends that I'm never at home / and my face filling up with blood / but you're still the same living like a bourgeois” highjacked from alice’s 5 playlist, another song about partying and the like but also being painfully aware of your own flaws

big black car - gregory alan isakov

a song about feeling inadequate and worthless compared to another person, which is how lister feels about himself compared to jimmy and rowan

eventually, darling - declan mckenna

abandonment issues, lost hope, impostor syndrome, disillusionment and an almost nihilistic view on a relationship - this song has it all. i personally associate it with bicci and lister reassuring both jimmy and himself that it’s okay if he doesn’t like him back - after all, “everyone leaves eventually, darling”

swimming pools - lxandra

lister grew up poor and we mustn’t forget that part 2 - this is another flashback to his childhood, while simultaneously showing the stark contrast to his current life - i like to interpret the line “still the kids who don't have swimming pools / in their 40-million-square-feet mansions, ooh” in a “yeah, he’s rich, but he still came from almost no money and this has had a profound effect on him” way

mind - declan mckenna

according to declan mckenna himself, this song “makes me think of my friend matty’s party i went to on halloween 2015 after playing a show […] the song lyrically and artiscally kind of reflects the confused mess of my 16 year old self”. this is something lister can probably relate to, feeling emotional turmoil and an incoming existential crisis while partying

joan of arc on the dance floor - aly & aj

“at the stake, we don't fight the flames / are you born in vain if you die a savior?” first of all, joan of FUCKING arc metaphors, second of all the death motif and lister’s “die young” mentality, third of all another dark party song which is how this applies to lister in particular

why do you feel so down - declan mckenna

listerowan song !!! “i think you're one of a kind so i'll never like myself / i think you're older and wiser so i won't let you tell / i think it over and over and hope you're thinking too / i think it over and over and hope i'm over you” because angst

know me - the band camino

and yet another angsty listerowan song, gosh i’m really making myself emo over here

18 forever - maris

a) such a bisexual anthem, b) a song about partying and feeling forever young

house party no. 1 - blossom caldarone

“you want to grow up too fast / it's a race to see who is left last / from lemons to liquor to loving each figure / you're constantly wired up the wrong way / you'll be dead in a year if i wait one more day”. this is how jimmy and rowan see lister, as a party-obsessed “rebel without a cause”

sedated - hozier

a song about addiction and self-destruction. i could probably go through every line of it but imma keep it short and just trust all of you to understand the sheer levels and poetry of sedated by hozier as a lister song

shadows - ruth b

another song from jimmy and rowan’s perspective - they see that lister indulges in a lot of self-destructive behaviour, smoking, drinking, having sex, etc. in the first part of iwbft, they notice all of that in an almost accusatory way, which to me feels like the tone of this song - “kiss yourself another stranger / ‘cause you know you love the danger, don't you? / give yourself to someone new every night, is what you do” for example is them thinking he sleeps with everyone with a pulse

burning incense - skott

i talk about lister and his relationship to religion in greater depth in part 2 with preacher man but i think that theme appears in this song too. generally this song is very much about emotional turmoil, feeling unloved and distant from your friends, and feeling worthless, so very much a lister song

those nights - bastille

theme of loneliness and finding comfort in strangers (which i know lister doesn’t really do anymore but still)

sunday morning - matoma

“i probably shouldn't say this / should keep it all inside / but maybe i'm just wasted / enough to speak my mind” bicci bathroom confession??? anyone????

love like ghosts - lord huron

another beautiful bicci song about unrequited love and feeling so incredibly strongly for someone that it feels beyond the realm of the living - that’s also where the theme of death in iwbft comes in, which lister grapples with in particular

high hopes - kodaline

this song makes me think of the confession scene too - lister realising jimmy maybe doesn’t like him back, losing hope and all that, and deciding he needs to move on

mirrorball - taylor swift

theme of personas - lister has the Lister Bird persona which is there to entertain people, to make himself appear fun, aloof, approachable, almost like a clown, even though that isn’t who he actually is deep inside

much like myself - emma jayne

and another song about appearing happy on the outside despite the fact that you don’t feel much like yourself

#gonna break this up into two parts because holy shit my playlists are LONG #lister bird #osemanverse playlist #playlist #iwbft #em’s fuckery #alcohol tw #addiction tw #death tw #drugs tw #smoking tw

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bloodfromthethorn · 4 years ago

Text

Bridal Carry

Hiking trips are more hazardous than Riley remembers them being. At least she has Jack there to make her rescue feel as awkward as humanly possible.

Part two of the July of Whump 2021 prompt challenge (although this one is much more fluff than whump, oops).

Also on AO3.

“This is undignified.”

“You’re the one who had to go and break your ankle, you can’t blame me for this.”

“It’s not broken. And you could at least pretend like you’re not enjoying yourself.”

“Ri, you know I’d do anything for you, but carrying you down a mountain is not really what I’d consider a good time.” Jack let that settle for a moment, then shot her a vaguely wounded look. “And you know I’m never happy to see you hurt.”

Even still blushing faintly in embarrassment, Riley couldn’t help but feel a thrill of guilt trickle down her spine. She knew Jack was likely more unhappy about her ankle than she was – when she’d first fallen he’d gone white with panic until he’d ascertained that she hadn’t actually done herself mortal injury. His worry had been genuine enough that she hadn’t had the heart to play it up in a way she might have done with Mac or Boze.

“I know,” she grumbled quietly, unwilling to entirely let go of her displeasure. There really wasn’t a lot of dignity in being carried back to the car like a baby. “I’m still unhappy about it.”

Jack snorted as he stepped carefully over some stones littered along the path. He didn’t seem burdened by her weight in the slightest; Riley knew she wasn’t exactly heavy, but this seemed a little bit extreme.

“Well I’m not exactly thrilled. What was your plan, scampering up that gravel mountain? Thing looked like danger a mile off.”

“It was hardly a mountain,” she contested, not for the first time. “I just wanted to see if I could see back to the river from there.”

“And could you?”

There was a huffy pause. “I didn’t get the chance to find out.”

“Because the gravel mountain collapsed on you.”

Riley shot him a dirty look that he utterly ignored. He’d become immune to her stink eye approximately twenty minutes into knowing her and it seemed like a decade apart had done nothing to blunt his familiarity.

“I didn’t look where I was putting my feet, that’s all.”

“I saw you looking plenty. You kept looking right up until the ground fell out from under you.”

He sounded vaguely like a parent delivering some sort of life lesson to a wayward toddler and it was doing nothing for Riley’s discomfort. She barely resisted the urge to cross her arms. There was nothing she could do about the huff though.

Jack glanced down at her, taking in the downcast eyes and blushing cheeks, and sighed to himself. “I’m not mad, Ri,” he informed her gently, returning his attention to the uneven track they were following. The last thing they needed was for him to turn his ankle over too. “I just get worried when you get hurt. I hate seeing you in pain.”

Riley’s annoyance immediately faded again at the reminder, and she rolled her eyes to allay Jack’s concern. “I’m not really hurt, Jack,” she reassured. “Can barely even feel it anymore.”

“You can’t feel it because you haven’t had to put weight on it for twenty minutes. I’m not letting you even think about walking until someone in Phoenix med has given you a look over.”

Whatever sympathy Riley might have been feeling vanished in an instant and she shot him a disbelieving look. “No way.”

“Uh, yes way? That thing could be broken for all you know. I’m not about to just drop you off at home with a pack of frozen peas and call it good.”

“That is exactly what you’re going to do,” she shot back firmly. “It’s just a sprain! You are not dragging me into work on a Sunday for something that I won’t even remember tomorrow.”

Jack rolled his eyes, undeterred from his steady trek back the way they’d come. He didn’t even have the courtesy to be out of breath. “You can’t walk on it. That’s not the kind of thing you just ignore.”

“It’s a sprain!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you had a portable x-ray machine tucked into your rucksack,” Jack shot back drily, hefting the thing swung over his shoulder to prove his point. “Is that why this thing’s so heavy?”

She firmly ignored the comment about the backpack – he’d been entirely unfazed at the idea of carrying both of their packs and her all the way back down the trail they’d just spent an hour hiking up so he could just suck it up. “I’d know if it was broken,” she said instead. “I would have heard it.”

“Not necessarily,” He said smartly, visibly gearing up for yet another life lesson. “You’ve not had anywhere near as many broken bones as I have – thankfully – so you’ve still got a lot to learn. Rule one is that they don’t always make a sound.”

“I’ve broken my wrist before. I remember what that felt like and this is nothing like that.”

“Rule two,” he continued without slowing down, “Is that all broken bones are different and what you might remember from one doesn’t necessarily apply to another. Rule three-”

“Okay, god, please just stop.” Jack broke off with a wide grin and Riley couldn’t help but roll her eyes fondly in return. “You win okay? I’ll let a doctor check me out. But we’re not going to Phoenix for it. There’s a clinic two blocks down from me that’ll do just fine.”

“You’d really rather sit in a waiting room for three hours with me hovering over your shoulder than just head to the place where you’ll get seen immediately and no one will ask you any questions?”

“It’s not like we were doing anything covert. We were hiking in the woods for god’s sake.”

“Okay, fair point. That still leaves the waiting room.”

Riley bit her lip for a moment, then decided she might as well come clean. “I don’t want a report ending up on Matty’s desk about that time I fell over and twisted my ankle.”

To her surprise, Jack didn’t laugh. He didn’t even look like he was trying not to, although to be fair he was good at hiding things like that. When she raised an eyebrow at him, he shrugged. “What? I’ve been there. I get why you’re worried but honestly, there’s nothing to stress about. Matty hears about all kinds of stuff way worse than this and she never even blinks – ask Mac about that time he broke his wrist in two places coming off a surfboard. That was back in Thornton’s days, but man you should have seen the look on her face! Mac looked like a kid trying to pretend the window broke itself and he had nothing to do with it.”

Riley could definitely picture it. She couldn’t help but laugh.

“So the worst that’s going to happen here is Matty’s going to give you a despairing look, and then we’ll all get on with our day. And besides, going to a different clinic isn’t going to make a lick of difference. You really think Matty’s not going to hear about it anyway? I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t already know and had an ambulance waiting for us back at the car.”

Something very suddenly occurred to her and she looked up at him wild-eyed. “You didn’t call her, did you?”

He snorted. “No way, that’s a conversation for you to have with her. I’m not getting in the middle of it.”

“I thought you said I didn’t have anything to worry about.”

“Yeah, you don’t. But as soon as Matty finds out I was inside a ten-mile radius she’ll blame it all on me and that woman is scary when she’s on the warpath.”

Riley rolled her eyes again, finally starting to feel vaguely settled in her perch of Jack’s arms. It still wasn’t exactly comfortable – there was only so much he could do to minimise the sway of his gait and the summer sunshine was doing nothing to offset their shared heat where they were pressed together – but Jack’s insistence of acting like everything was normal was oddly soothing. He made it seem entirely natural that he should be carrying her when she couldn’t walk herself and it was hard not to copy that same mannerism.

“Okay, fine, if it’ll make you happy, we can go to Phoenix med. It wasn’t your fault though,” She pointed out lightly.

“That usually doesn’t seem to matter. And it’s kind of my fault. It was my idea to come out here.”

“And it was my idea to climb up a stupid gravel pile. You had nothing to do with it.”

Jack hummed discontentedly. “I could have stopped you from trying it. I knew it would end badly.”

“You assume everything will end badly.” She twisted the arm she had wrapped around the back of Jack’s neck to press her palm flat to his shoulder like she could somehow infuse her sincerity that way. “You can’t protect me from everything. Certainly not my own stupidity.”

He paused for a moment to properly look at her, his eyes darting to her traitorous ankle for just a moment before reseeking the honesty in her eyes. Whatever conclusion he came to, his hands on her tightened ever so slightly. “I can try.”

She shook her head, but she was smiling. “I know you will.” There was a pause then, as she fought to battle down a decade of hurt-disguising-itself-as-anger to quietly murmur, “Thank you for that.”

“Always,” was his immediate response. “I wish you didn’t make it so hard for me, but I’ll protect you from anything for as long as I’m able. And longer if I can. That’s my job, remember?”

“I thought your job was protecting Mac.”

“Him too. Truth be told, he’s a thousand times more difficult to watch than you. You’ve at least got some sense when it comes to things like running towards explosions and mixing unidentified chemicals. But you’re part of that too now, Ri. I’m your Overwatch as much as his.”

It was raw and honest and probably everything she’d been waiting to hear since she was thirteen and suddenly without a father again. She had no idea how she was supposed to react. In the end, all she could manage was gripping sharply at the hand tucked under her knees like it was all that was tethering her to reality.

He gripped back just as tightly so perhaps he understood after all.

A long minute passed in silence as Jack carefully wound his way down the path. Even with her weight, the downward slope meant that he was making better time than the pair of them had on the way up. By Riley’s reckoning, they’d be back within another fifteen minutes.

That knowledge in hand, she cast about for another, less sensitive subject, and almost immediately hit upon something sure to get Jack talking normally again. She grinned at him. “So if this is what an Overwatch does for someone with a twisted ankle, does that mean you’ve carried Mac around like a damsel in distress?”

Jack’s laugh was bright, entirely free of the seriousness of their previous exchange. “Once,” he managed after his initial laugh had died down. His face was still broken open in a broad grin. “That kid is far too heavy for it though. He might look like he’s wasting away but he’s tricky like that – nearly put my back out last time I tried something that wasn’t a fireman’s carry. Ingrate couldn’t stop laughing at me for three days.”

He didn’t put much effort into trying to sound offended, too busy smiling fondly.

Riley smiled right back. “Well, a man of your age, you do need to watch out for things like that.”

“A man of my-” He shook his head in faux disbelief, the smile not budging. “Sure,” he said in the face of her laughter, “Mock the person trying to get you out of here in one piece. Maybe I’ll just put you down on that rock over there and head home myself. Leave you behind to look after yourself.”

“You could,” she agreed amiably, still grinning brightly. “You won’t though.”

Jack shot her a dry look, but his eyes were shining in the sunlight and Riley felt warm all the way down to her bones. Her ankle barely even twinged.

“Yeah, you’re right. I won’t.”

#MacGyver #jack dalton #riley davis #hurt riley davis #fanfiction #fanfic #my fanfic #whump of july 2021

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broadstbroskis · 5 years ago

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present tense | matthew tkachuk

back on my childhood friends to (enemies to) lovers bullshit here! have a nice 5k matty fic that was not the fic i set out to write and is far better for it! one flashback-ish area set in italics! enjoy!

-----

There’s a picture that sits on the desks in both of your dad’s offices-in the Blues training facility and over at Enterprise Arena-that everytime you look at you can’t help but scoff in disgust. Sometimes you even flip the picture down, if it stirs up particularly loathsome feels at that moment in time. But each time you end up back in his office, the picture’s back standing, in its usual place front and center on his desk.

You can’t figure out why. Sure, you’re by far his favorite kid (suck it, Josh and Seth), but for him to keep a picture that’s close to fifteen years old on his desk that features you just cheesing it up with a guy you can’t even stand anymore is a little ridiculous.

“Just because you don’t like Matthew anymore doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t,” Your dad tells you bluntly, anytime you try to mention that fact to him, which you definitely should have known better. He and Keith had only become better friends since Keith’s transition to his front office role.

“I still don’t understand what went wrong with you two.” Your mom huffs. It’s the biggest tragedy of her and Chantal Tkachuk’s lives, the day that you and Matthew were no longer best friends and neither of them ever miss a chance to lament that fact. “Best friends one day and then not the next. What could possibly have happened that can’t be fixed?”

“Can’t fix asshole!” You respond cheerily.

“YN!” Your mom snaps.

“What?” You shrug. “It’s self-proclaimed!” She gives you a look and even though you are 22 years old, you know what thin ice looks like, so you merely smile back at her.

And there’s the other thing. For all that you can barely stand to be in the same room as your former best friend, the rest of your family loves him. Your dad and Seth will golf with Matt and Keith once a week now that it’s summer and he’s back in town. Josh invited both Matt and Brady to his fucking bachelor party this summer. The entire family will be at his wedding!

You literally couldn’t escape the guy. Your summer had barely just begun; it was only a few days after graduation, and already the pressure was on to keep applying for jobs or decide to go on for a Masters. Josh’s wedding was fast approaching and Nicole had the entire bridal party running all around St. Louis in preparation.

The last thing you wanted was to have to deal with Matty.

-----

From the minute you and Matthew Tkachuk were thrown together it’d been instant connection. You can’t recall the exact moment you’d met; you can, however, remember running through the halls of hockey games, trying to keep up with your older brothers at barbeques as Brady tried to keep up with the two of you, sharing secrets under blankets, and making promises to each other in the dark that you were too scared to make in the light.

Until you were sixteen, you’d both kept those promises, each and every one of them. The smallest things, like promising to bring two snacks to an after school event, to the biggest things, like always being there for each other.

You were Matty’s biggest cheerleader growing up, quite literally sometimes, showing up to his hockey games in your cheer uniform after a practice or competition. And even though it was clear from early on that Matty was destined for great things, he never made you feel like he’d be leaving you behind, celebrating all your accomplishments the same way you’d celebrated his (far more incredible) ones.

But the distance apart during his first year away at the NTDP changed something. You no longer had Matty to rely on to have your back unconditionally. He was up in Ann Arbor, crushing his dreams, and you were so happy for him, really, but that left you at home and for the first time, realizing what Matty’s dreams would really mean for your friendship long term. You threw yourself into cheer, into your other friends. When his responses to your texts took longer and longer to come, you realized that you were doing the same thing- what’s the rush to get back to someone who’s only going to take three days to respond to you?

And then summer rolled around and Matty came back and acted like nothing was different. He’d swept you up into his arms and twirled you around, proclaiming how much he missed you, while your families looked on and laughed, especially at how you’d whined at him for messing you your hair.

“You didn’t miss me?” He’d pouted, poking you until you’d admitted that you did, of course you did, and that brought the grin you knew and loved.

From that moment on, for the rest of summer, the two of you were inseparable. It’s like every minute you couldn’t spend together was a wasted one. For all the time that went between texts when he was away, your phone was blowing up now that he was back, unable to stop talking those scarce moments when you were apart.

It became expected, amongst both your friends, that if you invited one of you somewhere, the other was showing up as well. You were blowing off after-practice Starbucks runs for Matty to pick you up and get lunch. You’d found out later that he was moving workouts and basketball games with some buddies so they’d coincide with your practice times. Very quickly, you’d fallen back into old habits, but no one called you out on it, accepting both of you easily, and merging friend groups fairly seamlessly.

As the summer went on, the looming date of Matty leaving again started to hang over your head as the-thing-that-just-wasn’t-mentioned...but that didn’t mean it was ever far from your thoughts. It would pop in at the worst times- when the two of you were grabbing coffee and driving around, when you were lying by the pool for the afternoon, when you were bickering about what movie to watch that night.

You’d just wanted to forget for one night, that he’d be leaving you in just a week, and Paul Morgan’s house party seemed like the place to do it. There was cheap booze flowing, shitty beer in your cup, and it was easy enough to keep the smile on your face surrounded by your friends.

But you couldn’t shake Matty, the entire night, who was right on top of you, his arm wrapped around your shoulders first, and then playing with your hair, and then his palm splayed against your back. How were you supposed to forget that he was leaving you in seven short days when his thumb was brushing over your hip bone?

You’d shoved him away, offering some excuse about the bathroom, but going instead to hide in one of the rooms upstairs. The tears had started almost as soon as the door shut, your body shaking as you’d sat down on the bed. Was this going to be the new normal? Days without speaking, only the most vague responses when you did, barely knowing each other for most of the year, only for Matt to come home and cling to you for three months of the year?

That it was Matty who’d come to find you was entirely unsurprising, opening the door more gently than he did almost anything, but then rushing to your side once he saw your face and pressing to know what was wrong.

The combination of alcohol and nostalgia had gotten you. “I can’t do this every year, Matty. I can’t pretend everything is the same when you come home, when you’re away and we’re like total strangers.”

“So let’s not be.”

You’d laughed, pretty hollowly. “And how are we supposed to do-” But before you’d even finished, he’d kissed you.

There are things you remember so clearly from that night, your first time. The way Matty had looked at you anytime he pulled back from kissing you; the way he’d laced his fingers into yours as he’d entered you so carefully, like he was terrified of hurting you; how tenderly he kissed you each time he pressed his lips to yours. The fuzzier moments are some of the words he’d whispered to you both during and after, the things that sometimes return to you in a dream- how beautiful you were, how perfect this was, how much he adored you.

That he loved you, that he always would, that he only wanted you for forever.

Usually in your dreams, that was when you woke up. But at least you didn’t have to see him kissing another girl that way.

-----

Bridal showers were one of the worst things you could possibly think of, but you’d give anything to be at one of those stupid traditional showers where all the women sit in circle for hours and the old ladies cry over what great gifts all this stupid shit is, if it meant you didn’t have to see Matthew.

But no, Josh and Nicole had to go “non-traditional” and throw a co-ed shower. “We’ve already got a house.” You’d heard Nicole explain to yet another older relative, the same thing she’d said to the rest of the bridal party (granted, sounding much less like she’s tired of saying it) when she’d first tossed the idea out. “We don’t need a bunch of stuff we already have. We just want to get a bunch of our family and friends together.” And for you all to stock our bar, was the second part of the joke, and the theme of the party.

Nicole hadn’t looked stressed about this day- which was supposed to be a casual get-together at your parents with family and close friends-until the comments had started to rain. You can see the eye twitch start to go in your future sister-in-law and as she’s explaining the concept to another aunt of hers, you slip in next to her with another glass of champagne. “Can I steal you please?”

“Of course!” She beams, excusing herself from that group. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, I just don’t want you to murder anyone before you marry my brother this summer!”

She laughs. “Thank you. For the record, the same goes.”

“Me? What have I done today? Seth is the one who opened that $600 bottle of wine accidentally!”

She gives you a look. “I saw the Tkachuk’s walk in, including Matt. Be nice.”

“I will if he is.” You say childishly, sipping on your own glass of champagne.

It’s just your luck, though, that I saw the Tkachuk’s walk in means here they come now. In classic Tkachuk fashion, Keith and all three kids are shoving each other around, and Chantal is rolling her eyes, right up until the moment they reach you and Nicole, when Keith sends once final shot at Matthew, before regrouping to congratulate her along with his wife.

“Where’s that brother of yours?” Keith wonders, craning his neck. “We’ve got some putting to discuss today.”

“Here we go again.” Taryn mutters, rolling her eyes.

“Hey now!” Matt protests. “Joe and I won that fair and square. We’re just better golfers than you two.”

“Better cheaters, more like.” You mutter into your champagne glass, but it’s just loud enough for everyone to hear and Keith and Taryn laugh even as Nicole and Chantal sigh, like ugh, this already.

“No need to cheat when you’re just this good.” Matty grins back sleazily. It seems to be the smile he reserves specially for you; you’ve never seen him break it out for anyone else.

You plaster the fakest smile on your face. There’s no reason for you to be so hurt by an otherwise innocent comment-after all, despite him professing how much he loved you, you were never actually together-but even now, you can’t help the feeling that hits you when he even mentions the word cheat. “Well you’d know best, wouldn’t you?” You say, managing to feign a cheerful tone to make your fake smile.

Chantal smiles, not catching the dig you’d intended it to be. “Well it’s nice to see that the two of you are at least capable of putting your differences aside.”

“Yeah, my wedding is looking so much more promising!” Nicole teases.

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up. Even if Matty manages to control himself enough to not start a fight, you’ve still got Seth to worry about.” You nod over at your brother, who’s apparently already given up on glassware, and is carrying around the $600 bottle of wine he’d cracked open earlier in the afternoon.

“Yeah, and even if YN manages not to shit-talk all the other guests, I’m sure Joe and Dad over here will throw something out there as soon as they get a few in them.” Matthew snarks back.

“Well that lasted long.” Keith says pleasantly, like his own son hadn’t just rudely thrown him under the bus.

“We shouldn’t have expected less.” You hear Nicole say, but you’re too busy arguing with Matthew about which one of you is going to be worse at her wedding to respond.

-----

The worst thing to come out of the summer that you and Matt had spent attached at the hip only to end up hating each other is that it had actually made your separate friend groups become friends. So now anytime he was home, it was fairly common for a large group chat to go out to round up the squad for a night out.

Which meant yet another night where you were stuck with Matthew.

Even more annoyingly, when he does show up at the bar, he’s nothing but nice. He immediately waves off cards from everyone, offering to pick up the tab for the night. You’re shocked when he remembers that Mel, your best friend, is going to med school in the fall, and he shows, like, genuine interest in her move to Boston and offers her a few places he remembers from Brady’s short time there or recommendations from friends.

“You’re being ridiculous.” Mel says, when she drags you out on the dance floor.

“Says who?” You return petulantly, like you have no idea that she’s talking about the sour face that you’ve been making most of the night.

“Um, all of us.” Mel tells you. “Behind your backs, because we think whatever happened between you and Matt is dumb.”

“You talk about us behind our backs?” You cry, outraged.

“Well if the two of you aren’t going to tell us what happened to our faces, then we had to speculate somewhere!”

And that was never going to fucking happen. You’d never told anyone what had happened between the two of you and as far as you knew, Matthew had never broken the unspoken agreement to never tell anyone, either. You certainly remember the sound the smacking palms had made when Nick had high-fived him for managing to “get something” from Sofia Taylor only a day after you had- “There’s nothing to speculate.” You tell Mel, stopping that train of thought and falling to an old standby. “He’s just an asshole.”

“An asshole who’s buying all our drinks tonight?”

“Yes.” You state stubbornly, and knowing she’s not going to win this one with you, she drops the subject and just starts dancing, shouting along to some of the throwbacks you both know and love.

When she leaves you to grab another drink, her spot is quickly replaced by another body, and you loop your arm around the neck of the guy that takes her place, grinning as his hands start on your hips and gradually begin to slip lower on your back as you press yourself closer to him.

It doesn’t last long because almost the second his hands get to the point where it might even be considered getting close to your ass, he’s pulled away from you. “Get moving.” Matthew says, even as you glare at him furiously.

Whether he knows who Matthew is or just doesn’t think he could take him if it came down to it, the guy you were dancing with starts shoving his way through the crowd, even after you call for him to wait. When that doesn’t work you round on Matt. “What was that, you asshole?”

“Wait, you liked him touching you?”

“I didn’t mind!”

He actually laughs. “That guy?”

You give him a dirty look, pushing your way through the crowd, in the direction you’d seen that guy go, but it’s a lost cause. No matter which way you look, you can’t see him.

The only thing you can see is the curly head of hair that’s followed you. “That can’t be who you want.” He tells you, as you’re starting to give up, stuck on the outskirts of the bar now.

“You don’t actually get a say in that.” You cry back at him, a little hysterical. “Maybe you could have, one day. But you fucked that up.” He actually does a double take at that, stepping away from you. “So no, you don’t anymore.”

“YN,” He reaches out for you.

“I’m calling an Uber and going home.” You shove his hand away. You can’t even be near him anymore. “And since you can be nice enough to buy drinks, I can say thanks. But that’s it. Don’t pretend like you did me some big favor tonight. You ruined my life once and now you’ve ruined my night.”

And that’s it. You shove past him before he can say anything else to you.

But he doesn’t come after you. For once, you might actually have left him completely speechless.

-----

On the same weekend that you, Nicole, and the other girls jet off to Austin for her bachelorette party, Josh and his bachelor party take off for Vegas.

“As long as he doesn’t come home having gambled our house away.” Is the only thing Nicole says, when one of her cousins asks if she’s at all concerned about the Vegas crew. Privately, you think her nonchalant attitude has more to do with the amount of champagne she’s already consumed, but you can’t deny that she’s right.

“Low bar there.” The maid of honor laughs.

Nicole shrugs as you laugh. “She’s just hoping that Matt doesn’t pull a Hangover on him.”

“You know, name recognition is probably going to be what makes Matty the one who stops the others from pulling a Hangover on Josh.” Nicole muses.

You give her a look. “You couldn’t just give me this one thing?”

She laughs. “After a couple more shots, I’ll give you anything, babe.”

You’ll cheers to that.

Hours later, you’re still cheers-ing-to Nicole, to Josh, to anything ridiculous that anyone of you can think of, each time someone buys you all a round of shots at the bar. You’re pleasantly buzzed, buzzed enough that the letters are too blurry to read clearly when your phone rings, so you just swipe to accept the call and make your way outside, where it’s a little quieter. “Hello?”

“That’s not how it happened at all!” You hear Matthew say loudly. You can’t tell where he’s at, but the background music sounds muffled, like it is behind you, and he sounds as drunk as you feel.

“What?” You can’t keep up with him. Had you missed something? You almost pull your phone away from your ear to check the group chat, to see if you’d been drunk texting in it and forgotten already, but his voice stops you.

“I didn’t ruin your life; you ruined mine!”

If you weren’t leaning against the wall, your legs would have collapsed out from under you. As it is you slide a good foot down the bricks and the flowy tank you’ve got on isn’t doing much to help avoid the scratches that are sure to run down your low back tomorrow. “What?” You can only repeat.

But it seems like Matt’s been building up steam for this. “After everything we’d been through, after everything I said to you, you could just walk away like that?”

“I’m sure Sofia fucking Taylor could give you a great reason why I just walked away like that.” You snap back, finally understanding and ending the call immediately. You’re raging. You can’t believe he’d even attempt to call you out like this.

Even a few deep breaths doesn’t calm you down. When you make your way back into the bar, a few of the girls have concerned looks on their faces, but you wave them off. “I’ll be fine. Just need to drink more. That’s what we’re all here for, right?”

“RIGHT!” Nicole shouts in your face, already beaming.

Maybe if you keep drinking to her level, you’ll be able to forget this whole conversation even happened.

-----

When drinking doesn’t work to forget that phone call, you just start going out of your way to avoid Matty completely. When you see him at family events, you just ignore him entirely. You start pulling back from the big group chat with your friends, only committing to events once he’s fully committed to not going.

Mel calls you out on it, telling you that you’re just being childish and that you can’t avoid him forever, but your family commends you for finally taking the high road, even if they still think the whole thing is dumb in the first place.

And it’s easy to look like it’s you taking the high road, because Matthew’s trying desperately to talk to you. You’ve got nothing to say though. It’s like the years of rage have finally cooled. Like if you can’t forget the phone call where he says you ruined his life, then you can finally move past the part where he actually did ruin yours.

The day of your brother’s wedding dawns, hectic as you’d expected, and you spend your morning alternating between doing anything Nicole asks and getting ready yourself. You feel like a princess when you slip into the long, blush dress, but it’s nothing compared to how Nicole looks, and you were far from a crier, but seeing her in her dress was only the first time you teared up that day, and it was far from the last.

By the time the ceremony ended, it’d happened three more times and you made a few jokes about it with some cousins and Seth before you figured you could excuse yourself for a few minutes in the garden outside to get some fresh air before the photographer needed you.

Outside, the weather is perfect, an ideal day for an August wedding. There’s a few places to sit, you remember, from when you’d toured the venue with Nicole once, and you start off for one of them, only to be interrupted.

“Hey!”

You jump around, almost twisting your ankle in your heels, entirely surprised at the voice “Nick! What the fuck are you even doing here now?” You frown, when you see him. He’s dressed in street clothes; he’s not here as a date and it’s too early to crash (which you’d straight up invited some of your friends to do, once it got a little later in the evening and meals had been served).

Nick’s rubbing the back of his neck, looking incredibly awkward and like this is the last place he’d rather be. “I uh, I think I owe you an explanation. Sorry, I couldn’t wait anymore.”

You frown. “For what?”

His hand moves from the back of his neck to his face, but you’re still able to hear as he says, “I was the one who sent Sofia over to him.”

You laugh hollowly. “Fuck off, Nick.”

“YN, Matt only told me the other day that you guys slept together in high school. He was just-god, he was so into you! I swear to god I didn’t know!”

“Fuck off!” You repeat, a little more desperately.

“I just wanted him to get over you.” Nick says, sounding almost as desperate as you. “He didn’t even want her-she just-it wasn’t-I swear to god if I had known, I never would have-”

“Seriously, Nick, fuck off.” And whether he actually took your words to heart or not, Nick does to turn go, leaving you standing alone in a long dress and ready to cry, once again as he didn’t even want her rings through your head repeatedly.

-----

Once you know that things could have been different between you and Matty, it’s like you can’t look away from him. In two separate rounds of pictures, you get called out by the photographer for not looking, just because you thought you heard his voice.

The reception isn’t much better. As you start greeting different friends and relatives at the cocktail hour, you can’t help but wonder how things could have been. Would Matty have been by your side through all of this instead of over by the bar joking with Brady and Seth? He’d certainly be sitting next to you at dinner. Would he be throwing a couple side chirps into Seth’s best man toast or would he have managed to keep his mouth shut?

After dinner, when the real party begins, you nudge Seth and gesture at the bar for a shot, breathing a sigh of relief when he enthusiastically agrees, and you round up Josh, Nicole, and a couple of your cousins to meet him at the bar, only to find that he’s rounded up your dad, Keith, Brady, Matthew- the person you’d been hoping to start drinking to forget again.

Matty doesn’t look away from you and as his eyes follow your every movement- the passing of glasses, lifting the glass up to your mouth, licking the last drop off your lip-you feel the flush grow across your cheeks that’s got little to do with how much you’ve already had to drink.

“Another!” Josh calls.

“If you’re too fucking drunk tonight,” Nicole warns, leaning against him.

“We just got fucking married!” He beams, capturing her lips in a kiss that has you leading a cheer and then all of you cycling through the motions of another round of shots, all while a pair of blue eyes don’t leave you.

When Seth starts making his third toast of the night, about how happy he is for Josh and Nicole, you seize your opportunity to sneak out for some fresh air, slipping out the doors right behind you.

“Fucking finally.” You hear Matthew behind you and quickly lift the bottom of your dress to be able to run, only for him to stop you dead in your tracks. “YN, god, just-”

He stops abruptly and you let the bottom of your dress fall as you turn to face him. “What, Matty?” You ask him helplessly.

“Don’t...go.” He finishes, rather lamely, compared to anything you’ve heard him say ever.

“We are at my brother’s wedding!” You cry back to him, gesturing around you wildly. You’re not that far into the garden that you can’t still hear the sound of Love on Top from where you’re standing now. “Where am I going to go?”

Your response is enough for Matty to collect himself. “Since the day I told you I loved you, all you’ve done is run from me and we are finally, finally on the same page about why, and you’re going to do it again?”

Desperate for a second to breathe, you gesture around you again. “Is this really the place?”

Matty nods. “I’m not walking away from you again so that can be it. I don’t want to spend another six years thinking you walked away from me, when it turns out you didn’t want to at all.”

“Of course I didn’t, but I didn’t want to be just another girl!”

“You’ve never been just another girl.”

“Well, I just learned that a few hours ago,” You tell him dryly. “From Nick. But it really didn’t feel like that when the day after you told me I was your everything, you were making out with another girl.”

“We weren’t-” Matty starts, but cuts himself off at the dirty look you send him and instead steps closer and grabs your hand, completely ignoring your flinch. “Why didn’t you just say something to me? Anything? God, it would-” He shakes his head, and the unspoken it would have made things so much easier goes unsaid.

“Why didn’t you say something to me?” You counter.

“I asked you first.”

“I asked you second!”

“YN!” It’s like he’s trying not to laugh, but it only works at lightening the mood between the two of you for a moment, before you’re sighing.

“What would I have said?” You ask, kind of ruefully. “Things were weird after you went away and you were about to go away again and I should have what? Begged you to love me and not any of the other girls that might be right there in Michigan with you, let alone the one I thought you’d already chosen over me?” You shrug. “It wasn’t-it wasn’t exactly peak confidence levels right then.” Matty winces at that and you nod at him. “ Alright, your turn.”

“I guess…” He trails off. “I was mostly worried that you had just changed your mind. And that you were trying to let me down easy.” The laugh that escapes after that is so bitter that it’s your turn to wince. “And then by the time I got home again, it was pretty clear that you weren’t letting me down easy at all.”

“I haven’t changed my mind at all.” You look him straight in the eyes, meeting the blue you’ve missed so desperately, determined not to look away for anything this time.

“Haven’t.” Matthew repeats, squeezing your hand, and as the smile starts to bloom across his face, you feel a matching one grow across yours. “As in, present tense?”

You nod, but you barely get the chance to before his other hand is coming up to the base of your skull and pulling you in for a kiss. Christ, if you thought sex with him was good at 16, expectations have changed, because this kiss alone takes your breath away, makes your knees weak, and has you gripping onto him just to stay standing. “Matty, please tell me you’re going to do that again.” You manage to breathe out, mostly against his lips, which is as far away from him that you think you’re ever going to be able to be.

“I’m never going to stop doing that.” Matthew says, and it sounds like all the promises you’d made to each other as children under blanket forts, but it feels like your past, your present, and your future have combined as he presses his lips to yours in another breathtaking kiss.

#matthew tkachuk imagine #matthew tkachuk fanfic #matthew tkachuk fanction #hockey fanfiction #hockey imagines #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagines #my hockey fics

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